#re their trauma lmao
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the caped crusader is already the batman media ive enjoy the most in awhile (even if i still miss kevin conroy) bc small scale stories where its made explicitly clear that hes pretty much as bad as his villains are the stories where he works best
#1) im pirating it ofc#2) like i LOV a lot of justice league stories but. brucie ur rich ass sticks out like a sore thumb#3) a lot of batman stories pull me out of it bc like. in a modern context his behavior seems very out of proportion compared to his peers#re their trauma lmao
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I am once again knitting which means I'm back to the Nein rewatch and happened to be on Midnight Espionage, and truly INSANE episode. The egg dick, both break-ins, the Zauber Spire attack, and the first time a beacon is on screen in like four hours flat. Trent Ikithon is there. The episode ends with Liam and Marisha yelling, "TRUST THE PORN."
#they dont make 'em like this anymore folks#honestly if you think the start of c2 is slow I trust that you hold that opinion but i do NOT understand#like yeah okay alfield is just basic dnd shit but you need a little of that#for PACING#literally the sheer quantity of plot that happens in this episode alone is wild#also very fun watching liam physically back away from the table in his chair realizing Trent is there#re: the comment this week iirc that he did NOT expect caleb's backstory to be so central#do you think that precisely was the moment he knew he done fucked up#cuz my guess is yes lmao#ANYWAY i did have to figure out what spell they used to attack the tower and I'm pretty sure it was gravity sinkhole#honestly pretty good for a fourth level spell! rip that dunamancer whos for sure gonna come to in like. hupperdook in fifteen years#i will not stop asking about the absolute trauma involved#with dying in this kind of assault and coming to in the next life in your enemy's military contractor town#insane concepts.#ANYWAY#megs rewatches c2
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leon. (dolor)
fem. reader. angst with comfort. mentions of trauma.
he stands at the bedroom doorway, brows tight and tense the way they get when he’s lost in twilight thoughts.
he doesn’t walk in. he doesn’t quite look at you. just stares at the visage of you sitting up in bed, curled up under blankets and clean duvets, cuddled into dovefeather pillows. scrolling through your device, observing whatever it is you’re talking to him about lately. that show, that book you’re into. maybe some hobby you’re getting better at.
leon, for a good long while, stares into the mundane of the room.
you don’t say anything. you don’t insist, or inquire, or shoo away. you know this is how he gets sometimes. you know it’s because of everything that’s happened. everything, everywhere, everyone that resides behind those sky blue eyes, hollow and sunken, deciding to visit him every now and then, even on good days like today. even on days when earlier he’d looked at you like a man falling in love for the very first time, all over again, whose handsome face twinkled with mirth and stars and the kind of youth he may have once had when he was a boy.
leon stares. strong, safe body frozen at the door. tousled hair. roaming eyes. if you look closely enough, you may be able to see the growing desperation to ground himself. to ground his mind, at once racing with repressed memories but blank with numbness and nothing. there’s so much. so much yet so little he can manage to think out, to put into concept, perception.
it must show. it must because you finally lift your head up and force his eyes on yours, and you’re so sweet and beatific and good he wonders why you’re even here, when did you get here? between the blood and bites and flesh and bones and mama and dad and the city and spain and luis and jack when did you show up? when was it decided that you’d love him and stay? after everything he did, after everything he didn’t, why was it you chose him?
something burns down the sides of his face. one by one by one something burns after the other, but he doesn’t move. doesn’t make a sound. he just stares, stares and hopes you don’t notice it’s a bad one this time, hopes you notice he wants to talk now, he does, but he can’t, he can’t because nothing is coming out and his mouth is open but he can’t he can’t—
“sit with me, sweetie. keep me company.”
you pat the space beside you. the normal, cheery way you do. if he looks too close, he’ll see the calm look of worry you wear. but he doesn’t, because he might start hiding everything away again if he realizes the state he’s in. reminds himself it’s okay though. it’s okay, because it’s you, no one else, no one to hide from like so many times before.
leon finally moves. he watches himself from somewhere high up above the ceiling, climbing into the place you directed him to. he’s shaking. he looks a mess. but the feel of cool sheets and soft pillows brings him back just enough. enough to catch his breath, to try to organize a racing mind.
your hand sticks out. not too close, not too far. a noncommittal invitation. i’m here. it says to him. i’m here if you want. only if you want.
leon curls himself into your lap, taking the both of you by surprise.
the back of his head presses into your stomach. his nose pokes the soft of your thigh. his hair falls over his tear-striped face, shoulders trembling with silent sorrow. his hand frantically searches for something up above.
it lands on yours. without a word, he sets it over the hairs of his head, and silently motions for you to pet him.
“please.” is all he says.
you listen.
teardrops cascade down the expanse of your skin, each one a memory unspoken. uselessly do his hands cup his cheeks to catch them before they bloom, before he remembers the reason behind their fall. they will not stop. his silence becomes that of weeping whimpers, low, deep, from the cavity of his chest.
your fingers are featherlight across his scalp, a cautious touch in the wave of emotion. you say nothing only because you know he needs this, the physicality of affection, for words and sentiment are lost on deep dark hurt, unable to comfort like the caresses from a lover.
the two of you stay like this, for a long while. waiting for the tide to change, the storm to pass. until his tears lessen into saltskin, until he blinks fog away from damp lashes and loose strays of hair. you pull strands away from his rosy, tear stained cheeks to tuck them behind his ear. you run a gentle hand down his jaw, to the aching bob of his throat.
“my love, my boy.” you say softly. “you’re everything to me. nothing will change that. it’s been so hard for so long, i know. you’ve been strong all this time, leon.”
“what if i can’t do it? what if it’s not enough for you?”
“you’re more than enough, lee. you’ve been trying your best, don’t forget that in these moments. you’re home and life to me, always. love, darling, would i lie to you?”
his answer is immediate. “never.”
and he takes comfort in the pressing of your lips to the shell of his ear, the curve of cheeks and tissue scarred by the past. eyes shut tight, basking in the waves of gradual calm over him, keeping back the dark for the time being.
but he knows there’s too much to heal with simple kisses or honeyed words. plenty things he can’t bring himself to speak aloud with you. perhaps that’s where he’ll start, find somewhere to go, someone qualified to talk to. take the load off his back, and keep from worrying you, too.
he entwines your fingers together. brings them up for a kiss to your knuckles. “i love you. i’d do anything for you. anything.” hoarse his voice may be, he speaks strongly, clearly to emit his conviction. leon presses kiss after kiss across your fingertips, heart caught in his throat by how gently you cradle him into your bosom.
the warmth of your love lulls his fatigue into a dreamless sleep; his last thought is full of you and you alone.
#resident evil 4 imagines#re4 imagines#resident evil imagines#resident evil x reader#re imagine#leon kennedy x reader#leon kennedy imagine#leon kennedy imagines#leon + angst = my favorite trope#i love exploring his mind. i love thinking deeply about how he has suffered. i love making situations for him to face his trauma head-on.#i know it isn’t the most popular way to write him but i just think it’s neat to see him like this 😭#tldr i just like the idea of leon being sad so i can kiss him better LMAO#i’m reminded that i haven’t caught up with separate ways yet!! i need my ada fix soon…
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Pulling Astarion back from doing the ascension ritual like
Sorry buddy not enough Autonomy Experience Points to purchase that irreversible life-changing trauma-based decision
How about you get used to choosing your own clothes first and then we'll revisit this in a few years once you've had time to figure out who you actually are and what you actually want without cazador okay
#bg3#this struck a chord with my own autonomy struggles lmao#re: making decisions youre not actually ready for because of trauma and subsequently screwing yourself over as a result#astarion x tav#astarion x durge#astarion ancunin
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WELL. TODAY’S LUNAR N EARTH EPISODE KILLED ME DEAD I THINK. /POS
The horrified “oh” Lunar gives upon seeing Helios. The fact Lunar has to look at Earth just to be able to gather their words. Lunar spacing out and commenting on how they hearing humming. Being so noticeably off but not wanting to have such a bad reaction to Helios bc they know him and so they stay. Helios asking about Lunar to Earth after. :(((
#xero says things#THE REUNION WE’VE BEEN WAITING FOR. AND IT’S JUST AS TRAUMA FILLED AND MESSY BUT SOFT AS I’D HOPED#i’m so excited for (hopefully) their re-bonding#and for the more angst that may be supplied 2 us 💜💜💜#sun and moon show#sun and moon show spoilers#tsams#tsams spoilers#edit or wait . i forget it’s technically a different show now LMAO#lunar and earth show#the lunar and earth show
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im gonna let you guys in on a little secret.
the more macden shippers shit on other pairings, the more multishippers like me will move towards their secondary and/or tertiary pairings. if i can't go into the charden tag without seeing a post intentionally tagged with multiple ships and trying to spark discourse between them by saying people who ship "rarepairs" are stupid and delusional, first of all, that's an instant fucking block, but like. I'm not going to feel like talking about macdennis when it feels like there's such an obnoxious pressure on you to fall into line and accept the widely preached and accepted fanon canon.
I love macden too. and I would post about and enjoy it a lot more if y'all didn't make it feel like we had to pick a side. just because you prefer the big popular ship, that doesn't make you smarter, or more correct than anyone who ships charden or charmac, it just means you have different preferences. i think macden has the biggest chance of being an actual couple on the show, and obviously mac and dennis are both gay and queer respectively, but if i want to ship charden, why can't i do that too? fandom is supposed to be fun, and it's supposed to be enjoyable, i don't want to have to fight to prove that this ship that i personally see working and enjoy the dynamics of is a "valid ship" when i am fully aware that they're not going to be canon that's kind of the point, and why i prefer it. and for the love of god... if you hc a pairing as platonic, that is perfectly fine. that's how i see charmac myself, but that is your view and your problem, not the shippers'. just block the tag so you don't have to see it if it bothers you that much.
and i don't like several of the other common rarepairs, but have any of you ever seen me talking shit on charmac or chardee shippers? no. stay in your lane and let people live. i'm sick of seeing people acting superior over a fucking it's always sunny in philadelphia ship.
#ada speaks#i am so tired#of feeling like im being judged constantly because of this lmao#its fine if you dont see charden personally but shut the fuck up about it#i purposefully mangle the word mac//den so it doesn't show up in tags if im being critical of their dynamic#AND I SHIP THEM SO LIKE.#i am just vibing bro! i just want to write about charden shared trauma!#idk how its seemingly so hard to understand why people would ship other members of the gang#theyre like. friends.#people crackship characters in other FANDOMS and this is somehow the hill you choose to die on re: 'delusional' ships?#i think its based as hell for people to ship people who've never interacted actually because it brings out cool fucking dynamics#that you wouldnt normally see in canon! have your fave blorbos interact who gives a shit#just so frustrating to feel like you need to justify Why you ship characters when its.... rlly not that farfetched#and yet people will actively vague and point and laugh at you for shipping characters whove been friends for the majority of their life#okay rant over im just. huheeuheu
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2023 reads // twitter thread
The Meister of Decimen City
a chaotic superhero satire
a genius who’s labelled a villain by the government after her super intelligent dinosaur children get loose is put under supervision
and has to confront her past / deal with the trauma of her complicated family/sibling relationships
and also the realisation that she might be asexual
#The Meister of Decimen City#aroaessidhe 2023 reads#this is. a lot and i loved it#its very fun. but also emotional childhood trauma#gonna be real this is probably the best ace book I’ve read in a while lmao#in terms of: it is a significant amount of the plot; not just brought up a couple times;#and her ace journey is not just within the context of a romance#(and also the book itself is. not badly written. which is more than I can say for others)#as always I feel like I didn’t Need the romance however I don’t hate this one! it’s unconventional and well developed#and the sibling relationships and friendships are given equal weight#I think if you like Hench you might like this. similar kind of thing#but this is a little more fun maybe and also the MC is genuinely trying to be a good person (unlike in hench where she goes. past morally-#grey lmao)#the MC feels very autistic coded. or adhd? and faceblind maybe there was a part that implied that#There’s a bit of a allegory re: curing superhero powers that make people’s life hard (or specifically: don’t want to cure we want to help yo#you make it bearable other ways) which I would be interested in a disabled person’s opinion on? I feel like it was doing the right sort of#thing but maybe not developed enough / through the ending? idk#anyway i love the dinos.............#asexual books
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tonsillectomy has fucked my sleep schedule and also I am craving every food under the SUN rn but won't be able to enjoy most of them for like another week I have list of foods I'm gonna eat once I'm able to
#pizza is number one. but like good ass good ass pizza.#steak too. burger. french fry. oooohfhg just remembered my fav food truck at work burger n fry#its all gonna b worth it and also i am Impatient!!!!!!!#and also tho? i have been proud of myself n how ive handled the food weirdness of re#surgery so far like. i was rlly stressed that between arfid and recovering id have a hard time eating#but honestly ive been doing p good at getting a lot of food in me#def less the past day or two bc my (slightly gross but vague) scabs are coming off slowly but aurely#which means my throat is soooooo sensitive rn#so even tho im craving all of these things so fuckin bad. i know i simply could not eat them even if i had them all in front of me#maybe a few i could but even then id take so much more Work#but. i think im on the uphill at least like#the scabs is supposed to be the most painful part so hopefully soon i can consider soke of those few things that#are an option if im careful abt how im eating them#im being p careful bc the last thing i want is a rebleed and to give me more food and eating trauma lmao#but oooogh im so ready for food to be a lil less complicated lol
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(sorry I know I said that last one was the last one) You saying you are newish to rwby and then posting the bunny gif gave me flashback. I remember when Velvets weapon was still unknown and there was a bunch of comics of what it could have been (what's in the box?!!?) and one comic that got around was she had a little bunny in the box that was a huge bomb and that sort of stuck till she showed what the box actually did. I remember Velvet muses having all sorts of idea's of what's in that box for rps it was great.
HONESTLY?? Hearing about all of these fun things makes me wish I would've gotten into RWBY earlier for all these experiences, like, it must be a bomb to have been following the show since the start xD
#Ask#I wish I could re-experience watching V9 with my friends again#trauma and all but#these kind of experiences make me happy LMAO#I should also really become more 'active' here on Tumblr for my Neo RP blog#but other priorities keep coming to me-
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like hearing an autistic person talking abt realizing like "oh so friendships for some ppl don't involve always having to maintain a performance" and going damn right yeah and now "oh so friendships for some ppl involve their getting to expect that the other ppl will be interested in them and provide support" like huh go figure. more surprising like oh right i guess i always felt like interactions require maintaining a performance that can only go wrong (generally true; like there's no "well you're ruining things by keeping ppl from being the Real You so just Be Yourself" like a] masking isn't Real or done by Yourself or b] like if you unmask people like you now & ableism is over, b/c it was your fault for reacting to it in the first place) & thus also that i should be interested & provide support but not expect that in turn / the sense as well that you are/can only come up short and have things to make up for anyways while lucky whoever's even providing the time of day
then it's always an Exercise to go "oh right well beyond going [my god autistic character] the whole time, what Things re: winston billions was i still not quite seeing as as unusual / Not Good as they are. even for billions" like sure noticing he's holding on to the hopes of some kind of positive / actual relationship w/rian for like year 950 & this manifesting with the Determined Friendliness but zooming in like oh i guess that adamant amicability sure involves winston suppressing a negative reaction to negative treatment and yet still hoping for an improvement, which like, was always Possible but a) hinged on rian simply choosing to change how she regards/treats him (or someone intervening to change the situation) & b) apparently is not going to happen. thinking like yeah that's very Friendly of him. and knowing like man winston's sure still trying to keep this friendliness offer open for like two years. but also now more specifically going like Yeah and pretty fucked then that his baseline expectations don't include that Mutual Interest & Support (though someone being abusive is definitely interested just not in any good ways. and certainly not (actually) supportive)
#and then in immediate retrospect it's like I Mean I Knew It & even now to be saying it feels like i've effectively already said it#just more precise/specific Language available. & where even if it's like [restating this one idea] that's gonna say smthing new / a bit dif#winston billions#from the [immediately going HM HUH first time seeing his clips but taking months to be like He's Autistic(tm) Btw IMO] to now struggling to#say another Ay Word in discussing [he has a devoted workplace bully] as Abuse(tm) when plenty of what's abusive is considered ''normal'' or#correct or even Ideal while defining Abuse as xtreme outliers due to evil intentions & extraordinary situations (that you should avoid)#it's power structures & efforts to control & use/refuse people as things....plenty of ppl who can feel they're just acting Normal & Natural#while other ppl in entire groups Do have to perform which can only go wrong & be hurt / get that everyday trauma from their Normalcy.#those allistic social skills huh (again tldr invoking this concept just Is ableism....)#after a casual twenty plus years w/the gradual convergence of [figuring out i'm autistic] & [not blaming myself for being mistreated b/c#i'm autistic] does put a damper on expectations re: all interactions but it's like the way someone put it the other day#who hasn't said anything abt being autistic but that they don't think anyone's guaranteed any kinds of relationships/companionship incl#friendships (which i agree with; & it's not at all uncommon for ppl to be hard up for those out here. despite ppl treating socializing like#a meritocracy like hmm anyone doesn't have friends? sounds like that's on you not getting good / deserving that) & so he consciously#navigates how to like be genuinely satisfied w/a life that's just got him in it while being open to other ppl. thinking of how i've heard#abt Just That re: autistic ppl (but framed specifically re: dating; like might want a romantic relationship but ofc no one's guaranteed one#of those either (even if this too is definitely treated like in fact you Are guaranteed one & it is Again a meritocracy) And ofc there's#more barriers/hurdles for autistic ppl) & just going like yeah i've sure been always navigating that too while being open to ppl sure but#not feeling like i need that to change & sure asf not focusing on Putting Myself Out There lmao. i put myself out there by existing & by#saying things & by trying not to try to preemptively appease/appeal to anyone. seeing another quote today abt how they're nonverbal & this#results in being regarded as hostile like eugh been there enough; classic [putting myself out there] dramedy of terrors from back in the#day as a teen living on college figuratively sprinting around trying to figure it out; both the Autistacity & Abuse lol. & racking up more#of the latter for the former while i'm at it....nowadays like. certainly recent successes in [spontaneous alignments of being friends] had#to start w/like weeks into months of i'm not expecting someone else to have interest & in fact Am expecting; if nothing else; them to#realize w/e interest motivates them to talk w/me to be mistaken or w/e. as i'm struggling not to mask / beating back efforts to actively#appeal to anyone. being duly surprised when after months they still feel like talking to me. & even then just kind of entering another#phase of ''well but still'' lol like when interactions have largely felt like Buying Time at best#def on the same page as that guy like even [have friends] is not a Need. when i could go ''time to recharge socially'' & make it happen#what i like to do is go be in public '''''by myself'''' around ppl. truly the good shit. doing that kind of shit w/ppl has = nth wheeling.#now insert a short essay spinning off all this abt an approach to Language parallel to [concepts re Socializing] as tag thirty
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you know. there are few things that make me sit and think carefully about my instinct to say something would be a Good Fictional Metaphor for a real-world issue like the time i saw the take with my own two eyes that piranesi is a powerful, insightful, accurate metaphor for both colonialism in general and slavery in the US
#piranesi tag#antiblack racism cw#anti-indigenous racism cw#colonialism cw#like i really /hope/ that was just a bad take and not the author's intent because hoooooooly shit that would be. Bad#starting with the fact that piranesi is fucking british. and also his parents migrated from non-US countries of their own will lmao#that does not even begin to scratch the surface of what a balls-out racist trainwreck that would be but like. Uh#amazingly enough marginalized people are capable of experiencing ableism and individualized abuse#that does not reduce their experiences and their personhood down to a one-dimensional symbolic ambassador for the One Group#marginalized people and their stories are not in fact interchangeable with each other and it's dehumanizing to act like they are#wild i know but autistic black people who have been abused via isolation; trauma-bonding; ableism; and gaslighting#and loved their abusers; and had their trust; loyalty; and goodwill taken advantage of--in ways both utilizing and resisted by their autism#and needed outside help care outreach and perspective to solidify their inklings that what's happening to them is fucked and they need out#exist! and deserve representation just actually!#whereas that's uh Not How Fucking Slavery and Colonialism Have Gone Ever Jesus Christ Lmao#anyway. i could go on for a long time about this shit but tl;dr it is one of the most spectacularly awful takes i have ever seen#and this kind of thing is why i have so many posts sitting in my drafts to mull over re: political metaphors i'd approve of at first glance#because dear fucking lord lmao#the salt files
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if i had a nickel every time i was inspired to write toxic codependent adoptive brothers where one of them is deeply unwell and views their relationship as akin to the bond between god and mankind and it's a metaphor for the relationship between filipino people and the traumas brought upon them by centuries of colonization i'd have two nickels. which isn't a lot, but it's telling that it happened twice
#this is going to become a Thing of mine isn't it#first time was my oc elyas and his prince-brother felipe. it was inspired by prince and the pauper (specifically the barbie one lmao)#elyas was a poor kid who fell in love with a prince but had to masquerade as his lover when said lover died in an accident#he then proceeded to get taken in by his lover's older brother and grew hopelessly attached (non-romantic dw)#viewing the elder prince as his model. his hope. someone he could never be worthy of unless he embodies the younger prince in full#so it's both a commentary on colonization/assimilation and neurodivergent masking trauma#now i'm into whatever the fuck is wrong with thistle and delgal rip#fully just drafting a filipino gothic piece about them#actually re: elyas and his brother i find it funny because it was fully just a case of#'brother in law? fuck that i want him to be my actual brother'#(kills his shitty boyfriend about it and replaces him)#elyas is pretty chill right now though he's in recovery-slash-elopement with his partner in an rp dhdkdjd#they spend most of their time being cute and processing issues it's fine#roomba writes#bebisel
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Man even if Aaron Bushnell's self-immolation could just be chalked up to 'mental health issues'... literally so what?? That wouldn't make his message any less meaningful. You don't need to be driven to martyrdom to see how fucking atrocious this genocide is. You don't need to have a mental illness either. It is plain as day.
Like what are we just gonna start ignoring any call to action on anything that anyone with mental health issues makes worthless because of their mental health issues? Come the fuck on.
Free Palestine.
#Sawk talks#and of course no making the issue about mental health re: Aaron Bushnell actually cares about mental health lmao#none of these people are gonna be like 'hey maybe it's fucked up that instead of being able to freely leave the military#this guy had to die to escape his contract that forced him to be complicit in genocide. maybe we should look into that'#and ESPECIALLY no one is gonna talk about the trauma Palestinians are faced with daily at the hands of Israel#y'know the thing that Aaron said wasn't comparable to what he was going to go through? yeah.#it's so fucking fucked I want to eat glass
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very awkward when someone asks in the office if you've seen xyz media you hate and have strong feelings about and your other coworker immediately starts talking about how good it is
#liveblogging life#someone: have you seen aquaman?#me trauma flashbacking to how much i Hated aquaman 2: well uh#my other coworker blithely oblivious: oh it's really good!#me trying to sound honest: um. it had some fine moments.#idk i do struggle with pretending to like shit i just dont like lmao#sometimes i can do it and for some stuff i just. cant fake it lol#like another time where my coworkers were talking about how much they loved taylor swift and i was like. well. she makes fine music.#im MUCH better at being Extremely Polite about media i hate with people i dont know at all tbh#one of my signs of love is that i feel i can bitch about media with you lmao#if i know you well enough & feel relaxed enough i feel much more comfortable talking re: my Strong Media Opinions#anyway this was funny 2 me bc my coworkers immediately picked up on it and listened to my dip my toe into my well of dislike for 5m
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thinking about how nora was held captive by her biological father for months, god knows what happened to her in that space of time beCAUSE SHE WAS MADE TO FORGET
#i’m doing a re-read but this happens the time between book 2 and 3.#and he’d go home to her crying mother like he wasn’t the reason for her pain.#nora has unprocessed trauma.#the girl has went through it.#and then don’t get me started on her addiction to that devil juice thing.#i can’t remember what it’s called lmao.#fIVE MONTHS OF HER LIFE WAS TAKEN FROM HER.
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ok caught up on Yellowjackets...like. well! opinions: you know i am willing to forgive sloppy construction, but aside from the duct tape holding the scripts together....idk it occupies a disappointing no-man's-land in the post-crash survival horror genre where it lacks The Terror's awareness of how its tropes occupy history and Lost's balls-out mythmaking and melodrama. the character work really does it for me tho so, idk, C+/B-
#callie is the only part of the Trauma Metaphor that works imo#i will absolutely watch season 3 btw i just don't think it's especially well-made lmao#ugh. i need to not make myself want to re-watch Lost#that way lies madness
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