#rather than through a screen
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i love never watching any of the eras live streams and trying to guess what's happening via cryptic tumblr posts it's such a fun game
#legit haven't seen a single live stream#fake fan alert: me lmao#idk like if some miracle happens and I end up being able to go i wanna experience everything for the first time myself#rather than through a screen#like idk i guess its a personal thing#I'll wait for a miracle or an official concert film release#no hate to anyone who does watch live streams#because i love playing the 'what the fuck is happening at the eras tour this time' game
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The Storm of Vengeance Which Consumes
Yeah. It's that scene. The swiss cheese scene. The Sushseidon scene. But it's Poseidon POV with a lot of internal emotions. This was written as part of a personal series I'm working on where one of my OCs is looking into Poseidon's history and experiences this memory.
A lot of this was inspired by the various fanarts/animatics I've seen. Such as Gwendy's use of Hermes' sandals, HAH Studios' Get In The Water (specifically Ody's hand on Horseidon's nose), sloansloan's Ody pulling Poseion's hair. So if you're reading something and are like "hmm, this seems familiar" it was probably inspired by something. The discorporation is part of the lore in my series.
Enjoy!
Words: 2300 Warnings: Torture (obviously), graphic descriptions of violence, uhh. Yeah. It's that scene, soooo Characters: Odysseus and Poseidon (with various others mentioned/referenced)
Anger consumes his heart, his mind sharp and clear on the currents of vengeance. The mortal escaped him once. But not this time. His shadow consumes the single man on a raft, his towering figure of water imposing an air of terror. At long last, it will be over. At long last, he will have his revenge.
“We’re both hurting from loss. Why not leave this here and just go home?” the mortal offers, pain in his features as he pleads.
The words make the god hesitate. The anger that has carved a home in his heart leaves his chest aching. The minuscule hope that he could let this pain go, that he could be free from it; it tempts him. Could it really be that simple? And yet— “I can’t,” the near broken voice of Poseidon leaves his mouth.
The mortal dares to raise a hand in offering. A soft gesture.
And despite himself, the god leans down towards it, ready to receive it. He’s desperate for the relief from the storm, desperate for it to finally be over with.
“Maybe you could learn to forgive,” the mortal offers a gentle smile.
He stops short, his face a mere few feet from the mortal. What is he doing? Is he, the King of the Seas, swayed by a few silver words and a decade of chase? Is his resolve so fragile? His eyes sharpen. “No.” He pulls back, his form cracking and growing as more water rushes up to join his form.
The seas grow rougher, almost becoming like solid glass pillars. The wind swirls around harder, creating tornadoes of water.
“Ruthlessness is mercy upon ourselves,” he declares his mantra once again as he raises his trident, spinning it before plunging it into the water. “Die!”
The water shatters into thousands of rugged pieces. The raft on top of it falls into the depths.
He watches the mortal that has evaded and outsmarted him at every turn finally sink beneath his power, finally drowning under his wrath. A sharp sense of satisfaction stabs at his heart, adding to the burden of vengeance he carries. But he counts it as worth it. Because he finally did it. His mission is complete. His anger is satiated.
At least it should be. Why does it feel like he’s not done? He killed the man. He enacted justice. For his son’s pain and his own pride. Why does he not feel satisfied?
The wind continues to whip around, stringing out his long wet hair. The storm rages on. Both outside and within. At long last, he turns to leave.
“Poseidon!” a voice screams in anger behind him.
He turns, his eyes widening.
The mortal floats high in the air, windbag in hand and Hermes’ winged sandals on his feet.
Fury fills the god as the mortal has once again escaped his demise. He bares his teeth and turns fully around. He barely gets to raise his trident before he feels himself being pummeled.
Though the mortal’s weapon can’t break his skin, the speed at which each blow is delivered leaves him dazed. Like six hundred men are beating his body. Like the souls of the mortal’s lost crew have come back for revenge of their own. Water is knocked from his form in showers of droplets from every strike. His eyes try to track the mortal, but he’s nothing more than a blur in the air.
In the span of a mere few seconds, his form has been beaten down to its smallest height. His concentration has been shattered, his vision spinning as he falls from the sky, landing on a rocky outcropping.
The first thing he notices when he opens his eyes is the storm of his design raging around them. The second is the mortal standing at the rock’s edge, looking out at the consequences of his actions. A twisted sense of irony and victory worm their way into his heart despite his aching body working to heal itself from the borderline magical onslaught.
And he laughs.
“You idiot,” he spits at the mortal, pushing himself up by the rock behind himself. “Can’t you see? You sealed your fate just to beat me!” he continues laughing. The pitiful thing about mortals. For how clever they think they are, their hubris will always be their doom. “You really thought you could control my storm? That it would bow to your whims, King of Ithaca? You will never get back! And it is all by your own hands. Just like the lost lives of your crew.”
The mortal’s head slowly turns towards the god drunk on power. “You’re going to call off that storm,” he growls as he stalks towards him.
A scoff leaves the god. “Or what? You can’t kill me.”
The mortal bends down towards the golden trident laying between them. “Exactly.” He picks it up.
The trident shines in the hands of the descendant of Hermes.
The god’s eyes narrow in confusion at the statement. But as he looks at the prongs coming closer to him, then the mortal’s no longer human eyes, a new sensation fills him. One he hasn’t felt in centuries. The predatory steps unlock something almost human within him.
Terror.
“Wait.” The god starts trying to get up. “Wait!”
But he isn’t fast enough. In his arrogance, he let the mortal breach his weakness. In his own hubris, his own haughtiness over his immortality, he forgot the warning of Prometheus’ fate. Immortality can be a curse.
The metal embeds itself in his chest, pinning him to the rock. For the first time in eons, the cosmos hears him scream. For the first time since Titanchomy, he feels real pain. The sting of a death he cannot have, the tearing of flesh, the warmth of ichor seeping out of his wounds like currents withdrawing from oceanside caves at low tide.
And when the barbed ends are withdrawn, it pulls his body with it until a foot on his stomach stops him. He gasps as the metal is freed, but the relief— if he can even call it that— doesn’t last long. He sees the next blow coming and raises his hand to stop it.
But the mortal sees this and aims directly for the shoulder.
His arm goes numb, limply falling to the side as he cries out again.
“How does it feel to be helpless? How does it feel to know pain?” the mortal mocks as he dislodges the weapon with a struggle, the barbs getting stuck again and pulling more flesh with them.
His ears burn at the humiliation, his chest tight as he breathes laboredly. His mind is assaulted with the sting of pain, an overwhelming force like none he’s ever experienced before. No one dares to strike the King of the Seas, especially not in a truly hazardous way. No one… except Nobody.
The next stab plunges into his stomach, slicing through muscle and intestines. His own howls join the chorus of wind and thunder.
It is no doubt music to the mortal’s ears as he continues to lay out the god’s sins against him, as he continues to enact his justice.
The god slides further and further down the rock, his eyes and markings glowing as his body desperately tries to heal itself. He’s never been discorporated before. He’s never had his physical form stripped away from him. He’s never experienced the shame of being trapped in his own domain from his failures. But as his body is torn to shreds by the overzealous mortal, he fears for the first time that this may actually be it. This may be the first time he experiences as close to death as gods get.
His power is split between trying to heal himself and trying to start a counter attack. An earthquake, a tidal wave, anything.
But the mortal, once champion of the Goddess of Wisdom, accounted for that too. And he strikes where he knows it will hurt. The soft flesh of the abdomen, the already broken ribs and pierced lung, the knee, the other shoulder. Every blow breaks the god’s concentration, keeping him trapped against the rock. “Look what you’ve turned me into!”
The god can’t help but comply, staring up at the monster of a man he made. A mortal pushed too far, a man immeasurably beyond his breaking point. It’s almost in slow motion as the god’s gaze fixates on a droplet of rain washing his ichor off the mortal’s face. He can only breathe laboriously, unable to attempt to stop the trident from sinking into his collarbone.
The mortal grabs his hair, pulling the god’s head back to look at him. “Look what we’ve become.”
His eyes sting, his throat raw from his screams. He’s lost the strength to even try to turn his face away, to fight back for control of his head. The warm vengeance that kept him on the shores of Ithaca for ten years has been transferred into the mortal, leaving the god cold and broken.
Like a forest that has been consumed by wildfire, leaving fragile dead trees in its place. Like a hurricane that levels towns, like tidal waves that wash everything that was once held dear out to sea. The god has lost everything. A new monster was birthed from his storm of vengeance.
And even when he thought he finished it, even when he got what he wanted, it didn’t feel like enough. He was left disappointed, unsatisfied. Killing the mortal didn’t end the storm. His revenge has consumed them both, eating them alive as the god’s father had once devoured him.
Up until now he thought Zeus stripping him of his divinity and enslaving him to a mortal king was the worst blow his pride could be dealt. But another mortal king is proving him wrong.
The mortal throws the god’s head backwards into the rock, twisting the trident as he pulls it out.
The god gasps, clutching his stomach. This has to end. He has to make it stop. Before he fully experiences defeat. Before he takes on more shame. “Enough,” he orders.
But who is the king to stop? Who is wielding the trident? And so the mortal continues his assault, reopening half-healed wounds in the god’s shoulder.
The god squeezes his eyes shut, a long groan of agony leaving him, “Stooop!” He feels sick as his voice dips further and further into desperation, pleading with the mortal, begging of all things. He cries out louder, as if the mortal couldn’t hear him the first time over his ranting.
But no. The mortal did hear him. The begs were clear as day. And they were ignored. “You didn’t stop when I begged you!” The trident’s aim is true, an extension of the mortal’s emotions, plunging into the god’s throat and left eye at the same time.
The god’s body locks up, convulsing. His whole head is engulfed in pain, the sharp point that penetrated his eye having sunken into his skull. His remaining eye widens as what would have been his loudest scream is silenced by the prong piercing his vocal cords. The sweet metallic taste fills his mouth and drips off his lips.
The scene goes black. For a moment, he feels himself slipping away. No. He can’t give the mortal that satisfaction. He can’t let him win. Even if he already has. He barely hears the distant words of the mortal, though is mouth is slowly moving, “You…”
“You told me to close my heart! You said the world was dark!” The mortal makes an upwards strike with the trident, lifting the god’s body off the ground a bit to glare at him.
The god weakly glares back with one blue eye flickering in its glow. “Monster!” he cries out, hoping that will break the man, hoping that will end this torment.
But instead, it just seems to fuel the monster in the man as he rips the trident out. His response to the accusation comes in the words the god was so fond of as he raises the trident, unknowing how close he is to finishing the job, “Didn’t you say that ruthlessness is mercy upon our—”
And the god’s resolve shatters. His own words being used against him are almost more painful than his own weapon. “Alright!” he cries out.
The mortal hesitates, trident raised overhead.
The god forces his remaining eye open, though his sight of the mortal is obscured by rain and blood. “Please,” he rasps, brought to his lowest of lows. Subjected to begging for mercy from a mere mortal.
The mortal grips the trident tighter before dropping it with a clang.
The wind and waves die down as the god’s vision flickers. His head slumps forward as the scene turns dark. He barely feels his body hit the cold rocks. Every muscle pulses in pain. He doesn’t know when the mortal flew off on Hermes’ sandals. He doesn’t know how long he laid there trying to heal. Perhaps Apollo would be gracious enough to tend to him. But as time goes on, no one shows. He’s left alone on the tiny island, laying in his own ichor. Olympus has shunned him, probably mocking him.
The god finally begins to move, though immediately crying out as a sharp pain flares in his chest, a crack sounding like something broke. He lays back down, but the pain doesn’t lessen. His head gets lighter and lighter. His body gets weaker. It feels like fluid fills his lungs. Which shouldn’t be a problem, he can breathe underwater. But apparently he can’t breathe ichor.
There’s no storms for months. The tides are the calmest anyone has ever seen. Not a single earthquake is recorded anywhere. For the God of the Sea was nowhere to be found in the mortal world.
#epic the musical#epic the musical fanfic#epic poseidon#epic odysseus#i finally got the fanfic itch out#there will probably be more oneshots at some point#but i really wanted to do poseidon pov for this scene#i wanted to get in his brain#and given the context is another god is experiencing what poseidon experienced#there's a heavy emphasis on internal emotion over external action#hence why odysseus and poseidon are referred to as everything but their names#its a stylistic choice i use when writing scenes that are supposed to be more about the reader seeing through a character's eyes#rather than them just watching two characters on a screen#while still keeping to third person cause i like the omnipotence of it
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pretty & cute witch men
#witch hat tag#orufrey#i'm not drawing as much or as well as i'd like to be doing. i'm trying to get through a comic i've been really wanting to do#but i'm just finding it so hard. disheartening. btw the 2nd one relates to some official art of qif wearing a dress like the girls#and the 4th one relates to how i've been drawing EXTREMELY SMALL for years. idk how to explain it but i always clicked 'fit to screen'#and so all my art EVER has looked bad when you zoom in bc it's already like size 1 zoomed in to the MAX pfhgguguhfpfhGHAHHHHH#i was so confused allll this time why brushes always look different for me than what they're supposed to#'wow this brush is so jaggedy..really rather jaggedy...calling it the Jagged Cai Special..bringing it out for those jaggedy moments..#really quite jaggedy i must say...' and it's literally not jaggedy#but now i have to get used to how all those brushes that i'd gotten used to indeed look how they're supposed to finally. Alarming#I have simply been working out absolutely everything by myself for years and that's why my technical progress is slow#ppl say my progress is fast and i certainly have improved much since i began doing all this but#like..it took me a year and half to start using a program where i could Colour In The Lines aka the..whatever it's called. whatever..#just on my lonely confused solemn journey to express gay love better than yesterday.. -_- *picks up my pack n continues through the snow*#btw thank you sm for people's kind words enjoying my narumitsu art & fic over the christmas & new year period <3
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"Do you know where we are going next?" I asked ART.
Y'know what, I think maybe I don't need any more Murderbot books. I think maybe ending things here is fucking perfect and as much as I love Wells's writing I'm genuinely not sure it can get better for me.
Like, so much of the books are about MB learning how to be a person, about becoming okay with being a complete individual with everything it entails. The first thing it does once it's actually allowed to decide on its own is it runs away from it all (admittedly to go on a mission to confirm some things about its past, because it genuinely just wants to be *good*). It shoves all its emotions away as much as it's able to. Then shit happens, and it makes its first friends, makes decisions based on these friendships, goes through a lot of emotionally intense situations...
And we get to this point here. MB having zero doubts about going with ART says a lot about its relationship with ART, but it also says a lot about its relationship with its humans - it knows that wherever it goes, when it comes back, the humans will still be there. Its humans actively acknowledge its struggles with being a now-free SecUnit and MB is willing to entertain the discussions to an extent and share information about its deeply personal experiences. Hell, System Collapse ends with MB admitting it might be somewhat broken, but that's okay as long as it can keep doing its job, and agreeing to basically do counselling - this is the guy what would rewatch its favourite TV show again and again in order to avoid acknowledging it even had Emotions a couple books back.
Reading this, I know that MB will be okay. It has hopes and goals and genuinely believes in itself and it has an amazing support system that its willing to lean on for the first time in its life. I'm convinced it'll go on to do great things with ART. And that's really the only thing I need to know.
#Murderbot#murderbot diaries#system collapse#Herr's personal tag#Also like. System collapse dives deep into MB's feelings about its life as secunit prior to the events of all systems red#I find this conversation from when they were discussing what would happen if the BE folks got to the colonists first /very/ telling#MB going on about how life as a corporate slave is absolute fucking hell#ART drone saying that they can't just kill people because the alternative is worse than death#ART: would it have been kinder to kill you before you'd disabled your governor module?#MB with zero fucking hesitation: /yes/#(followed by my favourite ART line ever. “You know I am not kind.”)#Like. MB would not have always admitted that it had hated its life as a secunit this openly#Saying it was shit is one thing saying I would rather be dead than think of me or anyone else going through this again is a very different#And here it has zero issues stating that. At least when talking to ART#And then later on it goes on to offer its actual memories for a publicly screened documentary#Because it knows it's the only way to make people see. The only way to save then from the same (ish) fate#And it's willing to do whatever it takes to save these people it's never even met before from what it views as fate worse than death#Including opening up and acknowledging its past experiences and past/current feelings#And I'm just like. Man I couldn't be more proud of you if I tried.#You go MB. Holy fuck I wish I could do what you've done. You might just be the person to defeat this evil capitalism my dude
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of fucking course the best, most harrowing, most gut-wrenching tugs character only appeared in one episode (a bit of ramble in the tags)
#this is tugs#tugs boomer#tugs sunshine#boomshine#<---- evil sinister laughter#fortezza bigg city#senjart#I think he's neat. I also think a bottle of antidepressants could help with whatever hes going through#okay I'm gonna talk for a bit about boomer (mostly about his canon counterpart rather than solely his fbc version)#boomer's character struck a deep chord within me that when rewatching jinxed while sleep deprived I got so scared#his depression? thoughts of sinking himself? claiming that he didn't want any help yet attempted to push just a bit longer when supported?#putting his worth on how useful he is as a machine first? an individual with selfism second? thus deeming himself as a lost cause?#and despite his jaded sardonic demeanor he genuinely cares about others and puts their safety before his own?#like mannnnnn come ON no wonder I couldnt stop thinking about him#his struggles as a clinically depressed person is.... so real?#he says ''I don't want any help'' but he clearly does want AND need help. he goes along with TC and sunshine's hijinks of helping him#gradually went from ''whats the point I'm gonna jinx it anyways'' to ''Ive tried so hard I really have but I cannot. I never had a chance''#he even went ''okay but don't toot'' to TC before his final job! he's entertaining TC and sunshine's theory! he really does want help!#boomer's whole character screams “I want to live but I don't know how”#and man oh man I feel like s01e10 reached out of the screen and drove a stake through my heart#because it's so visceral. it's rang true with my personal experiences#it's so sad. it's probably because I'm sleep deprived but I want to take care of that poor orange thing so badly#boomer most likely thought his final job to tow the schooner will end badly as usual but with how he sounds way more upset when he failed-#-and how he even went ''I can't be bothered to argue anymore''. I have a feeling there's a tiny speck of hope inside him-#-that quickly died out the moment lightning struck and he got towed by the fire chief#and of course he's upset. hes tried so many times to find a way to get rid of the jinx but now? it's as if he's given false hope-#-and the thought of the jinx leaving is something akin to a fairytale. as long as he bears the name ''boomer'' and not ''captain harry''-#-he is doomed to this constant cycle of messing things up when its not his own fault and having other point their fingers at him#that is until he got refurbished into a houseboat (essay material for another day)#theyre never going to write another anthro vehicle character like this anymore . sad
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i draw myself a lot
#homestuck#dirk strider#self#platonic selfship#admin draws#fanart#TTAC#an important part of my artist diet. one i should rehash since i am in midst of not quite art block#but definitely 'my screen is very small and my program very unfamiliar to me'#block#hrk anyways. this is im pretty sure my last post in drafts of art i can post#might not be but im not scrolling down to check and im pretty sure it is#ive made it pretty far in my reread today although it kind of transitioned into just a READ#because ive gotten to parts ive never read due to dropping the comic about 92% of the way through#yes i did the math feel free to find the pages yourself#anyways. i pushed far enough along to be staring down collide#and i would really really. like to draw more before i finish it#because fixations have an expiration date to me closely matching me finishing the source material#but also. they dont really? they never really leave. they just flare and then stay rather than go.#i think im past the flare now anyways. but im still here having fun. so maybe i shouldnt worry about it#cough anways!! im treating the tags as a diary again. please enjoy my faces. or dont im not the boss of you#barely the boss of myself duh
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Tbh I'm gonna go back to an iPhone
#i love my xperia but its full of multiple bugs that sony refuses to fix or even acknowledge#on top of their customer support being a nightmare to even get into contact with#through any avenue tbh#not to mention only two years of software updates and three of security updates which like.#I'd rather not be carrying around a Huge Risk Factor in my pocket#i can say a lot of shit about apple#all of which is true but at least they have a pretty decent commitment to consumer privacy?#idk i wanted to like this phone and the android experience and for literally so many reasons I very much do!#native 3.5 mm headphone jack and expandable storage are so nice#as is the camera and 4k screen#but at the end of the day the signal is spotty#and if you have more than one wifi network saved into the phone it will reset itself constantly#and even if you don't it will just kind of Do That#not to mention that after one software update sony put out the blacks in my screen started to have a green tint#betextyiff
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no offence but if you don’t have siblings you shouldn’t speak on sibling relationships in media
#like shit is COMPLICATED#factors like age gender treatment from parents heavily impact sibling relationships#like there’s a massive difference between two brothers close in age and a sister and brother with a ten year age gap#and I just see so many bad takes about siblings in media from very obvious only children#ppl talk so much on louclaud cuz they haven’t experience the large age gap sister brother dynamic#which as someone who has that relationship with my older brother (im afab) louclaud reminds me sooooooooo much of our relationship#and ppl just drag their relationship through the mud cuz they just haven’t experienced the difficult intimacy between siblings#and also the expectation that siblings on screen have to always caring and loving towards their siblings for them to have a certified#‘healthy relationship’ and if theyre even a bit bitchy towards each other it’s super toxic#like it’s not a crime to not be emotionally invested in your siblings academic career#its actually super emotionally taxing and unhealthy#in analysis ppl place so much focus on the siblings rather than the literal ADULTS#THE PARENTS#THE PPL ACTUALLY RESPONSIBLE#siblings shouldn’t ever be responsible for the welfare of their siblings#if the parent is present and able to take responsibility
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my mom just texted me that she and my dad are going to see killers of the flower moon tonight because i told her yesterday that i was reading the book and explained what it was about and apparently i made it sound interesting (which — that's bc it IS) and so now they're going and im actually kinda jealous bc i finished the book today and i really wanna go see it but im waiting to go with some friends HOPEFULLY sometime this week
#i hope its sooner rather than later!!!#the book was incredibly fascinating!!#im very curious to see how it will all translate onto the big screen#and in a 3.5 hour movie no less#im also v surprised my parents are seeing it lol#my dad said the trailer looked boring & my mom isnt usually one to like sitting through long ass movies (esp of the semi historical variety)#but i guess i described it well enough for them to take an interest!#i cant wait to hear what they think#mack rambles
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Discovered the Destiny 2 pathfinder and this is why I stopped playing for 6 months. Every single change they make just complicates everything further when nobody asked for it.
#Oh joy ANOTHER screen to dig through and to be funneled into playlists you don't want!!#Fun!!!#Let's dig through the vanguard playlist to find TAKEN enemies#The first few strikes don't have any?! Oh that's too bad!#Destiny 2 please stop#Guardian ranks was annoying but harmless#This is just malicious#Yes we know you want us to buy silver#But I would have rather you decreased the bright dust we got again than this insulting mess
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There's this new trend happening in the former bird app where people show how long it'd take for a character to apologize by drawing the head and a line connecting to an apology at the end. And honestly, I'm not good at keeping up with trends but this one is fairly easy to do so!
Good timing too cuz I've been thinking bout the scenario of Alec and Ray arguing so I took this chance to do my own spin on the trend!
Also this is what Ray said for easy reading (and for better viewing cuz it's pretty hard to do bold and italic on a single word in ibis):
"Can't you be a little selfish for once?! Can't you at least just THINK ABOUT THE PEOPLE THAT CARES ABOUT YOU?! Think about your parents! Think about your siblings! THINK ABOUT ME! IT! HURTS! Every single time you go to who knows where, it hurts! My chest tightens so much and my mind is filled with so much worry at whatever the FUCK you're doing and I don't! I don't even know where you are, WHAT YOU'RE DOING!
And the thought of opening that damn door to someone telling me you're in critical condition or worst yet-- dead-- HURTS! SO MUCH!"
#ariart#ariaoc#ariaoc: Alec#ariaoc: Ray#my fave take on this trend so far is that one mhyk artist cuz its sooo funny to me how when it came to snow and white#the line just made a heart then went off screen and the word at the end is just the twins doing their ''hohoho'' laugh with a ''<3'' heart#its soooo funny. that one made me laugh so much. and the way their take on figaro. murr. and rustica is funny too#figaros line just had this circular blurr at the middle with his spell my guy would just rather get rid of the memory on you#than apologize its the funniest thing to me somehow. ofc the best one is owens (my caiowe heart...) cuz my guy was Not#going to apologize at all he was doing what Owen does best and then theres just that one bit of him going ''kishisama?''#and suddenly he does a very tiny apology. like fellow caiowe enjoyer right there! owen apologizing only cuz cain is nearby!#i wanna see more mhyk artists do this trend with their own takes on the characters. its a pretty fun trend tbf! and easy too!#aaaaannd i ended up talking bout mhyk in the tags of a post for my ocs ohmygod... im sorry its the mhyk brain in me...#ANYWAY! back to the ocs! so like yea-- alec and ray argument with ray dominating most of it by the end cuz well-- hes sorta right#alec at this time was just a feeew years after The Incident. and hes now doing Stuff (pretty dangerous stuff)#and ray is both affected by the Connection and the memory of alecs rescue from The Incident still being rather fresh in a way#and it just worries him so badly that at some point just reached his limit and confronted alec and this happened#in a normal setting tho ray apologizes as fairly easily. love the contrast between the cute chibis and just ray going through it
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ohhhh u know what i wanna write. need to, even. very important to do it at some point. but i think i really do need to make the doctor have a meltdown. i think that would be very cathartic to put them through.
#whump but autism flavored. for me.#i mean i imagine that he has been having them just off-screen when the worse adventures are over#can keep it together as long as he’s running because he can focus on something else and. then when he is not it all hits at once.#the doctor curled on the tardis floor because he can hear her engine vibrating through it and its the only sensation that isnt causing him#physical pain to experience at the moment#i need him to go thru some shit okay. never enough fics in the autistic doctor tag on ao3#skmeone remind me to outline this in the morning. gotta pick which doctor to do it to. which companion to be with him.#i am feeljng ten & donna but that could change#oh on that note: thinks about 14 having meltdowns about. ‘normal things’.#local man who has saved the world a thousand times suddenly finds out that grocery store lighting is intensely stressful and makes him want#to cry. despite all contradicting evidence that this is happening to him is a good thing.#means he’s recalibrating slowly to allow his body to be upset by things like that rather than pushing all of it down to be set off by#the world nearly exploding or someone he loves getting hurt. instead he can get overwhelmed by small things and feel safe that if he reacts#to that. nothing bad will happen to him while he’s having a meltdown. ohhhhh donna bringing him a weighted blanket because he went to hide#in his tardis after comjng home and not saying a word to anyone…..#okay im done i swear im done.
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Idk why every time I have a project that involves using the Register of the Great Seal for something even slightly more complex than looking up a single isolated charter, I always have a lovely plan where I think it will only take me a couple of hours to go in, check the index, and take the numbers I need down. And then I end up having to skimread the whole damn volume.
#No I know why#It's because the index is fucked up that's why#All due respect to those Victorian and Edwardian lads who went to the tremendous trouble of compiling all these sources#But this particular method of indexing leaves a lot to be desired#Does NOT have everything I need in it#And by the time you realise that some lands might pop up where least expected you start to convince yourself it would be safer#Just to read the whole thing#It's 800 pages long#I have been at this since 4 and I'm not even an eighth of the way through#Would be much quicker if I had the physical volume but it's a very old rare book so the library have it under strict control#Fortunately of course it HAS been digitised which is fantastic#Lots of sources for mediaeval Scottish history that were compiled into printed editions in the nineteenth century have been digitised#They are very easy to get ahold of and in my biased opinion it is easier to do online primary source research for Scotland than England#But 800 pages staring at a screen (which is NOT a format I can easily retain information from even if it didn't make my eyes hurt)#Having to physically scroll down the page rather than just flip a page#Is just not ideal#And this is the only volume in the series which is on Hathi rather than Internet Archive and personally I find indexes more difficult to us#On Hathi than internet archive#Anyway#That's how you end up making the bad decision to work your way through an 800 page volume and make yourself go blind#Just to find some charters#But I've already sunk several hours into this so can't give up now! I always vastly underestimate the amount of time it takes too#Also a certain degree of Ill as well. Like I feel I have to Suffer For My Craft-suffering being back problems and 19th century antiquarians#Alright this is officially the most boring rant I have ever had
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*threatens todd with a bat* there is a good game hidden beneath all this jank todd i can see it. why did you insist on adding all these empty planets everywhere todd? why?! why the forced focus on exploration when we already always wanted to explore your games without you forcing us?!
#saskia plays starfield#i had a lot of fun last night tbh#i started the uc questline and i was pleasantly surprised how the quests where written tbh#i had a lot of personal conversations with my companions which i loved! her background and some perk she has coming up during dialogue#i did the mantis quest which was awesome#just! yesterday was great#but today. god so many instances where i was just dissociating through them loading screens again#counting damn sheep until my protag finally managed to walk 8787m through an empty planet to reach some quest area.....#it feels like im doing work sometimes which is not good#just. there is so much where im like ''god i cant wait until there is a mod for that'' dunno man. rather would have bugs rn than that#the beginning is so slow and then it becomes good. just to be constantly disrupted by its flaws#and dont get me started how unfortunate it is that new atlantis is the central hub and first impression the player gets of the game#the blandest city i have encountered yet#there are just. a couple things where i just dont understand what toddy and co. where thinking#actually i do understand but i wish it was different. oh well#sorry about the rant if anyone is reading this lmaooooo#i just hope tomorrow will be a good starfield day again. i paid enough money for this damn game#just imagine how this game could be if it where all on one map like bethy games usually are. i cannot imagine i would rant about it
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Man I dunno I just feel that when it comes to horror movies, the daughters love to watch slasher films like this shit is their go to movie genre to unwind and have a fun time. The more bloody and gory the film is the more fun they have.
It’s the other kind of horror movies that the girls just don’t seem to… process well. Paranormal horror is not something they like watching, as they came to learn after a while of trail and error. Creaking doors and windows, shadows lurking around dark corners and entities lurking in the shadows have really made them appreciate not having to deal with any of that in their daily lives.
But the girls are aware that they live in a big house. They tend to do things on their own in different parts of the house. When they’re alone and it’s dark outside, are those shadows dancing in dark corners? Was that a creak of old floorboards or was something lingering there?
Long story short, once Alcina learned the effects some of these movies have in her children she prohibited them from watching anything from that particular genre.
#headcanon#house dimitrescu#daniela dimitrescu#cassandra dimitrescu#bela dimitrescu#alcina demitriscu#resident evil village#the babies#they watched the first four paranormal activity movies in one sitting and that did not go well#Alcina had to do some digging to understand why her daughters are suddenly acting…strange#once she found the culprit she put a stop to it#and it’s not something she is willing to negotiate#she also put limits on how much television her daughters watch per day#to her there is absolutely no reason to sit through four films in a row#one film per night is the allowed limit nothing more#she’d much rather her daughters read and paint and play music than be glued to a screen for the entire day#she’s just looking out for her babies ya know#she wants them to have fun and not be scared because of poor choice when it comes to what to watch#cue karl recommending them the worst movies just to troll Alcina#and he secretly let the girls watch those movies their mothers have banned because he’s the cool uncle but also to piss Alcina off#tho he tells the girls to keep it a secret between them bc of their motjer finds out she won’t let them visit him anymore#anyway movie times in the dimitrescu house are always fun
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Normalize non-binary characters who don't dress like total dorks. Normalize non-binary characters who don't remind you of the most exhausting person you knew in drama class. Normalize non-binary characters who look like they'd be happiest bombing around rugged terrain in a 1987 Ford Ranger Bigfoot Cruiser they restored themselves.
Normalize non-binary characters who've never painted so much as a toenail and have no inclination to do so.
Normalize non-binary characters who are hairy, heavy, sweaty, and whose favourite musical group is The California Raisins. Normalize non-binary characters who you can't identify from the other side of a warehouse by sight.
Normalize non-binary characters who look and act like a diverse group of people you might meet in your everyday life because god damn am I sick to death of shows getting praised for 'representation' that never stops feeling like a caricatured Other.
#non-binary#queer#enby#characters#yes I am watching Star Trek Discovery#yes its version of queer feels like it had to pass through six comittees of studio execs#yes its cringey as hell and no amount of 'but isn't it GOOD to see ourselves on screen at all' can makeup for how false it feels#I'm old enough to remember the 90s/00s and the first gay characters we were supposed to applaud for breaking barriers#they were all the same guy#the same catty sexless asshole#(Remember Second City's 'Sassy Gay Friend'? No? Man I'm old)#and it honestly did more harm than good because The Gay was always The Other#and rather than teach the lesson that 'a gay can be anyone around you'#it instead taught the world 'how to recognize a gay'#and even within the queer community we still internalize those fucking paradigms today#see: every self-doubt post going 'am I really [x] if I don't [y]#imagine how much freer the queer community would be if we hadn't internalized that sense of checklist gatekeeping#Am I really gay if i'm not an enormous tool like Kurt Hummel?#and so on#we don't take a lot of steps forward#we take a lot of steps sideways and call it progress because there's technically movement
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