#rather than how I’m ‘supposed to’
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Can’t wait till it turns out tumblr polls are susceptible to privacy deanonymization attacks and someone can tie an individual tumblr account to whatever anonymous key tumblr backend uses to make it so an account can’t vote in a poll more than once (something like a reconstruction attack or reidentification attack) and then, from that, use that account and its key to figure out how it answers in other polls to figure out exactly who that person is based on other info shared on other social medias/public info/online spaces (:
#imma keep voting in polls cause it’s fun and I literally don’t care#and in polls where I’d really worry about this I just vote randomly#rather than how I’m ‘supposed to’#but the users of this site are very privacy focused until someone presents them with a shiny new toy (:#cause even on the website where people pretend attention is a bad thing they don’t like#they’ll still post very useless privacy tips forrrrr attention lol#and for all the undeserved credit I’ll give tumblr engineers#I’m not confident they’re using differential privacy or have any concept of ‘epsilon leakage’#personal#just nerdy things#but like imagine a poll is like vote what the last number is in the notes when you see this#do that in a few different polls and if someone could connect one anonymous key to those answers#they could construct a list of accounts that would’ve voted when the last number was ‘n’#then intersect that set with other sets from other polls#think kinda like sudoku#and narrow it down exponentially for each one#even with a reasonable amount of noise from people like me voting just to fuck things up#or accidentally clicking the wrong thing#one could Def still tie that anon key to a user#and go from there#and this is why differential privacy is important
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I’ll see analysis on here of characters which is so interesting and insightful, engaging with the show. I’ll see interviews with writers which work in tandem with these analyses and think, yes, what a rich piece of work to engage with and digest.
And then I’ll come across a post completely misunderstanding a character based on a one-note reading of them which has thousands of likes and feel a despair so bitter and an anger so hot it really makes me question how people watch shows these days.
#And seriously why is it always the lesbians on the receiving end of all the vitriol#Why is it always the women characters?#Well I know why but talk about a cycle#vi arcane#caitlyn kiramman#caitvi#arcane#Would it not be better to engage with what a story is telling you about things and feelings you can relate to#Rather than you telling the show how it should be telling things because honestly how are you supposed to get much out of it otherwise#And I do not mean to preach or come off as superior here honestly I’m just frustrated and tired
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this week’s vows and vengeance was so good. davrin is super charming and im so glad he came across as self assured instead of arrogant
#ngl i’ve been worried abt that#too often writers use cocky and self assured to mean arrogant bastard we want u to like and i’m so glad that’s not him#also the ending where he referred to the dalish as ‘they’ but talked abt the gods religiously is interesting#hopefully they handle that better than the past dalish plots#i also thought it was weird how nadia deferred to drayden instead of davrin on the mosaic#i assume it was supposed to be bc it was a logic puzzle rather than anything to do w elven culture but considering the past of this stuff it#made me a little i comfy#*uncomfy#davrin#vows and vengeance#dragon age#dragon age spoilers#vows and vengeance spoilers#emily talks
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Finished Forspoken’s story last night and I still can’t believe I was betrayed by a fucking bracelet…
#CUFF YOU BASTARD 😭#very interesting how everyone looked at frey and immediately called her a demon but they weren’t actually talking about her#then he gets put back on me and I’m supposed to just be cool?!?!#he’s seared into frey’s skin now so there’s no getting rid of him#tragic for her#i hope she drives him crazy rather than the reverse#never trust anything with a British accent#i knew it and i did it anyway#however…i do find it sweet that frey didn’t want to kill him#in a weird way there’s some respect and love in there. whether or not it’s mutual will remain to be seen#i am grateful to have the banter back tho bc it felt so incomplete without it#the game felt so lonely tbh#damn these two for being so cute 😭🩵#forspoken#frey holland#cuff forspoken
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Just a tad bit curious, but have you've done any fankids that involve Schwarzwälder or Esterhazy? (As the parents I mean)
I have done one involving Esterhazy/Earl Grey, her name is Cremeschnitte, but that’s the only Esterhazy one so far. And as for Choco Werehound Brute, I haven’t gotten any requests
#and frankly I’m partially relieved#because I don’t know how to hybrid cakes and cookies#yeah I kind of did it with Cremeschnitte#but she looks far more like a Cake Werehound with some slight differences rather than part Cookie#but I suppose if I have to I will#cookie run#fankid#fanchild#cremeschnitte#esterhazy#choco werehound brute#answers
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i found loads of pictures of my uncle i am going 2 cry
#he looked so sweet…..he looks SO much like my dad#i found the last picture of him that my granddad took a month or so before he died it’s so sad#trying to decide if i should tell my mum that i know about him or if i should just keep it to myself#idk if somethings wrong with me maybe it’s because i was already grieving before i found out#but it’s really getting 2 me i can’t concentrate on my uni shit i just keep thinking about it#i think i rlly need to talk about it with someone but i have no idea who or how or what i’d say. but it’s weird because it’s a secret yk#like i’m not even supposed to know he existed#idk. i have a gender clinic appointment next week and i’m going to ask if they can recommend any therapists#me being very very brave and trying therapy again after being forced into it my whole life and ending up a bit traumatised#idk. i feel bad that i’m alive and i’m wasting my life when my uncle got killed when he was just a kid#it makes me feel like i should be more grateful and do more with myself.#and i am going to try but i’d rather he was here instead. same with my granddad#every time i experience something beautiful or good i wish my granddad could experience it because he deserved it more than me#and the best i can do is experience it for him and be grateful. but i would chance places instantly if i could#him and his kid deserve to be here they were so special. i know i don’t know his kid but i’ve heard they were similar#so i know he must have been special too#i found a fb comment today from a family friend i’ve never met and she was saying that she only met my granddad once#but she called him gentle and it made me cry. because he was very scottish and sweary and traditional and masculine#so everyone just assumed he was tough and scary but if you knew him he was really quiet and kind#and i’m glad someone who only met him once could see that#i’m going to be half asleep for the rest of my life i think. i’ve been dreaming since my granddad died and i don’t feel like i ever woke up#nothing has felt real since i was nine years old. everything just stopped and never started again#i’ve just been waiting. i’m waiting for him to change his mind and come back. idk. i don’t know what to do with myself#and i continuously feel fucking insane and stupid for being this way. it’s like fresh grief all the fucking time#but it was fifteen years ago. why does it still feel this way#i can’t even tell people because they won’t understand why i’m still so bothered by it#he was my parent for nine years. i lived with him he was my sole caretaker#i was nonverbal and him and my brother were the only people on the planet who knew what my voice sounded like#he’d think it was silly if i failed my exam because i was crying about him instead#he’d tell me to whisht and stick in. so i will
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my ocs are so dear to me and they’re also so super duper silly
#i loved simplifying them down to just shapes#i don’t usually draw like this but i rly enjoyed this#but maybe i’m also just enjoying not doing the work i need to be doing instead#ash and finn#doodle#emptymilk draws#i also love how i caption them ash and finn everytime like babes you know who they are why do you write their names#but it’s so silly#i’ve also just realised how little of them i post so like you guys don’t actually know how they’re supposed to look just when i draw them#silly goofy looking#rather than fr fr#but yolo
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Writing over 30,000 words worth of content for a fic only to realize it’s all pointless because you have no interest in it anymore and you were never gonna finish it anyway….
What even is The Point anymore
#current mood#it’s so joever#this isn’t even the worst part honestly#what really sucks is that this project was the last thing in my life I had any sustainable interest in and now that’s gone too.#now I have nothing. like#the fuck am I supposed to do??? get a new interest??? that’s fucking impossible#nothing hits like it used to and everything is just….bland….and SO MUCH EFFORT to get into#like hobbies are so difficult? and my old hobbies (ex writing) are becoming more and more toxic and like a chore rather than something fun#like writing at this point has become a battle of perfectionism and I’m fucking losing#what am I supposed to do. nothing inspires me. I have no interests. no hobbies. not many friends irl#and it’s not like we ever hang out because people are a fucking piece of work#either they cling to you like dog shit or they never respond to your texts no in between#im just so tired of existing??? and also college??? is fine but like#what the fuck am I DOING here like#why am I getting an art degree??? is this really how I should be spending my time and my parents money?#what the fuck am I gonna do for a job??? what do I WANT from a job???? I don’t even fucking know#i can’t see myself being happy in life doing anything and that’s such a nonstarter#it makes it impossible to start planning anything because I feel paralyzed with fear#and like I said….i don’t have any interests. I don’t LIKE anything. I am the antithesis of curiosity and interest like. there’s just nothing#i can’t do this anymore#im so done#idk why I made this so long but#I guess I have a lot on my mind I wanted to share#sorry for cringe posting on main it will happen again#im sorry in general actually for everything im sorry for being needy and attention seeking and annoying and flaky and never finishing any of#my fics because I lose interest and for not responding to anyone in my inbox I’m sorry#personal#cringe#cringetober#long tags
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I feel like I came out of the womb with raging anxiety
#never been fully relaxed a day in my life#literally had a panic attack at age 6-7(?)#I’ve been super self aware for as long as I can remember#the tension in my body is my natural state#I’ve BEEN imagining every worst case scenario since I could form thoughts#7th-8ish grade is where it got worse#had panic attacks like four times a week#and then heart palpitations started and holy shit I was googling symtoms and that would make it worse#was convinced I would get a heart attack#having a headache is part of my daily routine#then I got a crush on a guy and with it came body dysmorphia#couldn’t look people in the eye from how ugly I felt(still struggle with this one but we got this💪🏼💪🏼)#now I mostly just cry#like I deadass get stressed and overwhelmed and just cry#depression came next and I was honestly not surprised#and it tampered my anxiety a bit but I’d honestly rather feel stressed than feel so numb#yeah I wouldn’t recommend#so basically I lie awake feeling aware of my own heartbeat or of my body#oh and I can’t forget the physical pain that anxiety caused me#muscle aches literally convinced me there was something wrong with me#went to the doctor numerous times bc I NEEDED to be diagnosed with something or I would go crazy and instead got told to see a therapist#and the therapist basically told me everything I had already figured out myself but at least I can talk to someone#tw anxiety#tw depression#tw body dysmorphia#anxiety#mentions of depression#and I’m only a teenager so should I be worried about what happens in the next few years? bc this already sounds like a lot to me#this was supposed to be a funny little post but nvm I guess?? don’t worry about me I’m good though many good things in my life#teenager
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I love comics but by god sometimes the dialogue is the most on the nose shit I’ve ever read ahdkahdks
#this is about knight terrors: Robin which I just read lmao#like…. it was fine but man did so much of what everyone was saying is so cheesy but not in a fun way#in a ‘I’m supposed to be taking this seriously for the angst factor’ way#but I can’t because of how it’s being said#maybe it’s just me but I can never handle dialogue that’s like ‘you’re useless. you’re just getting in our way.’#because I never find it to be written in a way that like… actually sounds believable that someone would say it like that#and that another person would believe it. maybe that’s just me though#and this book had that whole exchange and I’m like… idk ahaha#I’ll still buy book 2 when it comes out but like damn I was really hoping this would be better#the Tim and Jason dialogue was okay but I did like the little bit of Babs interactions we saw at the beginning#also the art was pretty solid and I liked seeing Tim’s nightmare be the captain boomerang incident which then extended to his other family#I guess I just wish there was more internal thought boxes rather than thjngs said out loud idk#white weasel talks
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minds in half a dozen places or so I need to be able to do more than one thing at a time. hanzashiro is calling to me like at least two different videogames are calling to me library book that could be used as a murder weapon is calling to me. Hanzashiro Is Calling To Me.
#back hurts went to the art museum#need to finish sorting basically the entirety of tbhk in my photo album#because it’s siphoning all of my storage space and i need to redownload my music..#that said. i think. with some novel related revelations. i could do some more fun stuff in the river#what’s better than two weird guys Three of them. <- shaking slightly#also. SASAKI HIRANO ASK IN MY ASKBOX.#also how about that art huh. Ha Ha#like sure ooookay we’ll give kagi and hirano SWORDS and hirano’s sword is sheathed still but kagi’s ISN’T and ichinose in the foreground has#a pistol out and is staringinto the camera instead of looking at what nearly everyone else is looking at and niibashi is on the phone with#GOD KNOWS WHO and yeah of course sasaki is sat on the steps there apathetically reloading HIS pistol ALSO looking at the camera rather than#offscreen which is FINE. and MASATO HAS A GUN. AND HE LOOKS READY TO START FIRING AT ANY MOMENT.#AND YOU’LL NOTICE THAT IT’S NOT A REGULAR PLAAAAIIIIIN PISTOL FOR SOME REASON. IT’S ORNATE. LOOKS TO HAVE SOME ENGRAVING.#i’m just supposed to. what. accept this quietly? i’m sick in the head. Sorry#anyway just wanna say plainly that evidently kagi and masato are the ones most ready to go. do violence.#or whatever the weaponry is a metaphor for Looks at you okay i’m done
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I loved the TOH ending. Belos finally accepting that he’s more than a doll and that he is done blindly following what others tell him to. Him realizing that if God’s response to any potential conflict or opposition is to have them all wiped out without even giving any of them a chance then it isn’t a just and fair one. And that if all the sacrifices Belos has made so far aren’t enough for God (including Caleb) maybe nothing will be. Him refusing to keep playing God’s game and quitting his mission in an act of protest. Belos leaving with the Collector to go beyond God’s realms of Heaven and Earth, both of them getting to escape the narrative they’ve been trapped in, getting to choose what they want to do and who they want to be. Them exploring the universe they’re apart of and trying to chart it all down though it’s impossible to capture it all and that’s okay. Belos finally getting to an astronomer like he always wanted, getting to see the stars up close and witness things beyond anything else he’s ever experienced and Belos can’t understand it all but he still accepts it. Cole and Belos finally getting to be proper friends and Belos and his curse deciding to stop tormenting each other and learn to coexist together. And all three of them listen to Pigeon Pit and Cavetown and experiment with names and pronouns. And Belos helps Cole raise their Spanish Moon Moth and Cole helps Belos cut his hair into a mullet and dye it peach and orange except for that one naturally red strand of hair that Belos finally allows to grow out-
#if Belos hadn’t been killed it would’ve weakened the narrative and conflicted with the series message#Belos is supposed to function as more of a concept and symbol rather than a person#I understand that but on a personal level I’m disappointed I want something different#I want to hug my little orange pip and tell him we’ll all make it#we both lived and died and not lived and survived and we’re both dead and not alive yet we’re still here#And idk there's just something eerie with how everything just seemingly resumed “back to normal” after Belos dies#Maybe it’s the “been through too many belief systems” kid in me#Belos is sun-ripened and smells of bees and forgotten memories.#the owl house#owl house#toh#philip wittebane#the owl house philip wittebane#owl house philip wittebane#toh philip wittebane#emperor belos#the owl house emperor belos#owl house emperor belos#toh emperor belos#the collector#the owl house the collector#owl house the collector#toh the collector#toh critical#noelle's rants#unreality#unreality tw
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If u tell a trans disabled person to call the cops or tell someone else to call the cops abt them u do not care abt that person’s safety
#or any marginalized group but this is in reference to me#thinking abt when a customer pulled a gun on me and i told my bf at the time abt it and rather than ‘omg are u ok’#his immediate response was to get upset w me for not calling the cops after the guy had already left#as if i could do so while he was there either like obviously he had a fucking GUN what was i supposed to do#cops would have done nothing IF I WAS LUCKY + i could have gotten in trouble at work#told my best friend at the time abt it and how my bf had gotten mad and my ‘friend’ was like actually he’s right and ur a horrible person#like it was part of what ended our friendship#neither of them acknowledged or cared that I’d just been thru smth scary. just immediate rage w no apology afterwards#not even a ‘I get that that was probably scary’ like hello?? instead of being relieved I’m safe ur gonna use it for ur cop agenda??#and then say acab online for clout??#also thinking abt when another ex for some fucking reason told her ex that i was having a depressive episode and that she was like stressed#and her ex (who has never met me) was like ‘your bf is abusive and if u don’t call the cops on him I will’#literally bc i had told her that like i was having a hard time and was going to seek help#anyways if ur like ready to jump at an opportunity to Insist on sending cops after a multiply marginalized person#then u cannot use our rights movements or anti cop sentiments to like try to get pussy#and u don’t get to claim it’s for our safety if we’re telling u explicitly cops make us feel unsafe. if the individual wants to then whatev#but if it’s a situation that affects me and not you then my consent matters and it’s a hard no#fucking anyone with education in these areas understands this! i told my psychiatrist abt these instances n why i feel unsafe w cops#and she was like ‘thank u for telling me this so that if there were ever an emergency situation involving you i would know to not do that’#WHAT A CONCEPT#now im scared to tell ppl in my life abt serious things bc i think they’ll say call the cops n then scream at me if I say no#and if I tell them these stories and they’re like ‘omg that’s awful’ LIKE A NORMAL PERSON then im like omg this person is safe <3 LOW BAR#mine#txt#gun tw#personal
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so so so fucking tired of people who perceive working in an office as the only “”real”” jobs
#the equivocation of ‘’professional’’ to ‘’white collar’’#the way people treat those schedules as ‘’the normal one’’ when there’s millions of people working outside those#me every weekend for the past seven months: i only have sunday off#my friends every time we want to hang out: can we do saturday instead uwu#and just the disparaging attitude ‘’business culture ‘’ has towards literally any job#tbqh i would rather die than work in marketing and that is. from what i can tell. most of the jobs available#in an office setting#idk maybe this is my outside opinion but a lot of those jobs feel superfluous or like. making their own problems to solve#like that post about the leftist commune where everyone was like ‘i can do admin and project management’’. how is that useful#it just feels very much like the american ideal of ‘if you work very hard you can be a self made millionaire’#is a lot more prevalent among that class#and like i know it’s also a matter of ‘i make more than you so i’m more important. skill issue’#but idk i just have the perception that i’m ‘’supposed to’’ go into a field i have no interest in and i’m Doing Something Wrong#and making my life unnecessarily hard on myself. because i have no interest in it#rant paused bc i’m gonna be late to work if i keep going lol#mine
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The Incredible Hulk (1968) Annual #10
#while I don’t deny that Bruce and the Hulk’s relationship is more complicated than two completely seperate people who happen to share a body#and I’m not strictly opposed to stories having moments where a certain action of the Hulk’s is attributed to Bruce influencing him#I disliked it back when it was the norm to frame it as the Hulk is a straightforward monster#and anything good he did was because of the man buried deep inside briefly coming out#in part because that’s frankly boring as it makes the Hulk a non-character with very limited interiority#I prefer it when Bruce's influence on the Hulk is limited to knowledge#like that the Hulk did something because he subconsciously remembered something relevant about how radiation works#and I like it better that Bruce and the Hulk have their own different ethos and understanding of right and wrong#I'm thinking of this one scene in The Rampaging Hulk where Bruce sees a child being abused and tries to ignore it#because he doesn't want to get upset and turn into the Hulk#but when he does and the Hulk sees that he immediately intervenes in the situation#but also there's that the Hulk has certain opinions about how fighting is supposed to work#like he judges people for primarily using weapons that fire from a distance rather than physically fighting up close#and I'm sure that Bruce doesn't care about things like that#this story is taking that the approach that the Hulk’s ability to reason is solely limited to Bruce’s influence#so that when they’re seperated the Hulk isn’t capable of reasoning at all#which is not how the Hulk was portrayed when the two of them were separated previously#and which I’m attributing to Bruce’s biased perspective on the Hulk rather than the reality of the situation#I’m not sure how to word this right but I think my understanding of the Hulk’s problems#is more focused on how his intelligence is understood than some other readers’#like I’m not that convinced of the importance of the Hulk’s appearance and that he’s the strongest there is#while they’re not not contributing factors I do think that the Hulk is devalued because he’s not intelligent#that trying to kill him or ‘cure’ Bruce of them are seen as viable solutions to the problem of the Hulk#because he’s essentially not worth saving#and in turn that it’s particularly tragic that this happened to Bruce because he matters so much as an intelligent person#marvel#bruce banner#my posts#comic panels
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people have got to stop taking themselves so seriously WHERE IS YOUR WHIMSY? YOUR ENJOYMENT OF THE LITTLE THINGS????? YOUR OPEN MINDEDNESS TO HARMLESS ENJOYMENT?,,,,?????! does witnessing other people life their life so free and happily not being you so much love for existence even for a moment
#like it’s kind of depressing sometimes how people find such distaste in things that are supposed to be fun and enjoyable#maybe i’m an optimist but i’d much rather be silly and embarrassing than look back at high school and think “damn that was boring.”#i know it’s not supposed to be fun#but sometimes letting yourself enjoy ridiculous things n avoid stewing in your dread makes a difference
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