#rather than encouraging them not to
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i have this thing where I'm really unwilling to judge people based on their background but I'm Very willing to judge them if they're a reactionary
#personal crap#like I'm not gonna hate a progressive-minded cop or an anti-apartheid israeli or an anti-authoritarian russian or chinese person#or like a southerner or very religious person who isn't prejudiced towards 'others'#bc their background doesn't make them an evil person and it's reductive to think they all are#but the moment they defend the perspective their background is infamous for i agree that yes they can eat shit#it's a bit frustrating to me how a lot of leftists want to box them in as 'you're this so you must agree with that'#rather than encouraging them not to#basically because they want convenient enemies even if that means making more enemies#the most infuriating example was when during the blm protests people were saying 'don't ask cops to march with us#tell them to quit their jobs!' because if people are offering you an olive branch smacking it away is moronic#frankly psychos defending police brutality disgusts me far more than police existing as a concept
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the thing is there's like, a point of oversaturation for everything, and it's why so many things get dropped after a few minutes. and we act like millennials or gen z kids "have short attention spans" but... that's not quite it. it's more like - we did like it. you just ruined it.
capitalism sees product A having moderate success, and then everything has to come out with their "own version" of product A (which is often exactly the same). and they dump extreme amounts of money and environmental waste into each horrible simulacrum they trot out each season.
now it's not just tiktokkers making videos; it's that instagram and even fucking tumblr both think you want live feeds and video-first programming. and it helps them, because videos are easier to sneak native ads into. the books coming out all have to have 78 buzzwords in them for SEO, or otherwise they don't get published. they are making a live-action remake of moana. i haven't googled it, but there's probably another marvel or starwars something coming out, no matter when you're reading this post.
and we are like "hi, this clone of project A completely misses the point of the original. it is soulless and colorless and miserable." and the company nods and says "yes totally. here is a different clone, but special." and we look at clone 2 and we say "nope, this one is still flat and bad, y'all" and they're like "no, totally, we hear you," and then they make another clone but this time it's, like, a joyless prequel. and by the time they've successfully rolled out "clone 89", the market is incredibly oversaturated, and the consumer is blamed because the company isn't turning a profit.
and like - take even something digital like the tumblr "live streaming" function i just mentioned. that has to take up server space and some amount of carbon footprint; just so this brokenass blue hellsite can roll out a feature that literally none of its userbase actually wants. the thing that's the kicker here: even something that doesn't have a physical production plant still impacts the environment.
and it all just feels like it's rolling out of control because like, you watch companies pour hundreds of thousands of dollars into a remake of a remake of something nobody wants anymore and you're like, not able to afford eggs anymore. and you tell the company that really what you want is a good story about survival and they say "okay so you mean a YA white protagonist has some kind of 'spicy' love triangle" and you're like - hey man i think you're misunderstanding the point of storytelling but they've already printed 76 versions of "city of blood and magic" and "queen of diamond rule" and spent literally millions of dollars on the movie "Candy Crush Killer: Coming to Eat You".
it's like being stuck in a room with a clown that keeps telling the same joke over and over but it's worse every time. and that would be fine but he keeps fucking charging you 6.99. and you keep being like "no, i know it made me laugh the first time, but that's because it was different and new" and the clown is just aggressively sitting there saying "well! plenty of people like my jokes! the reason you're bored of this is because maybe there's something wrong with you!"
#this was much longer i had to cut it down for legibility#but i do want to say i am aware this post doesnt touch on human rights violations as a result of fast fashion#that is because it deserves its own post with a completely different tone#i am an environmental educator#so that's what i know the most about. it wouldn't be appropriate of me to mention off-hand the real and legitimate suffering#that people are going through#without doing my research and providing real ways to help#this is a vent post about a thing i'm watching happen; not a call to action. it would be INCREDIBLY demeaning#to all those affected by the fast fashion industry to pretend that a post like this could speak to their suffering#unfortunately one of the horrible things about latestage capitalism as an activist is that SO many things are linked to this#and i WANT to talk about all of them but it would be a book in its own right. in fact there ARE books about each level of this#and i encourage you to seek them out and read them!!! i am not an expert on that i am just a person on tumblr doing my favorite activity#(complaining)#and it's like - this is the individual versus the industry problem again right because im blaming myself#for being an expert on environmental disaster (which is fucking important) but not knowing EVERYTHING about fast fashion#i'm blaming myself for not covering the many layers of this incredibly complicated problem im pointing out#rather than being like. yeah so actually the fault here lies with the billion dollar industries actually.#my failure to be able to condense an incredibly immense problem that is BOOK-LENGTH into a single text post that i post for free#is not in ANY fucking way the same amount of harm as. you know. the ACTUAL COMPANIES doing this ACTUAL THING for ACTUAL MONEY.#anyway im gonna go donate money while i'm thinking about it. maybe you can too. we can both just agree - well i fuckin tried didn't i#which is more than their CEOs can say
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i think gamers dismissed the notion of keeping score in non-arcadey titles too easily i think. some games are a lot funner if you try to play them with score in mind
#like how do you get a high score in the classic sonic games?#get a lot of rings. keep them to the end of the level. and beat it fast as fuck for a good time bonus#that's a fun way to play the game!!!!#honestly the special stages in sonic 1 feel like they play into encouraging that too#keep enough rings and you get to play a little bonus stage at the end of the level. to get a little doodad#that only really serves to increase your score#and also give you a nicer ending cutscene#sonic 2 giving you an opportunity to play the bonus stages at every checkpoint is nice in theory#gives you more chances to do it per level#still rewards you for keeping your rings#but then after you leave the special stage all your rings are gone D:#and also it's much more of a pace breaker to do it in the middle of a level rather than inbetween...#still i understand it in theory#then sonic 3 made it so you don't *have* to keep your rings. you just have to find a giant ring#which makes sense for that game's more exploration focused level design and play style#y'know since it introduced knuckles and everything#lot to think about game design-wise :>
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thinking about tubbo and his relationship with leadership. how he asked forever if he could be president for a day and got added to a long list of names of people who would take over for the person before their name on the list. how he asked to be leader of soulfire and everyone was like "uh yeah sure i guess" on that first day and didn't really take it seriously.
and then fast-forward to now, he's going into purgatory 2 with a whole team behind him supporting him and his leadership. they want him to lead them again without even knowing what's to come, and they still call him coach and captain. it doesn't matter that they lost the first time. it doesn't matter that he's the youngest on the island. he's won people's respect, but more importantly, he's found a family in soulfire, and they've all found a family in each other too. it doesn't just come from a place of respect. it also comes from a place of love. and he's come so far since he was first released from that ice prison. they all have.
before purgatory, no one took tubbo seriously. he only had morning crew. bad was his enemy because of ron and fred. bagi hated him for the hole. he didn't have an egg. so much has changed since then. i mean, just think about what bad said when he showed tubbo the base! think about how bagi's desire to go to purgatory was to save tubbo and the other members of soulfire, how she's said so many times that she wants him as her coach again.
he's found respect, and he's found love of every kind in places he never would have even thought to look. i don't think there's any truer definition of found family than team soulfire.
#qsmp#tubbo#qsmp tubbo#qsmp team soulfire#soulfire#qsmp soulfire#team soulfire#crazy to think about how just months ago qtubbo was just the crazy kid with the controversial hole#and he's still the crazy kid with the controversial hole but that's no longer the only thing the others notice about him#they actually notice him now. they love him#and he loves them#he'd felt so isolated from the other islanders before#but at long last people outside of morning crew have his back#they take him seriously#when he tries to explain himself they actually listen#when he needs support he's encouraged rather than disregarded#sunny has been a huge part of that but so have the other soulgayfire members#there's just so much love there#i really hope they get to work together again in purgatory 2#and i'm super excited to see etoiles going with them :D#on the subject of this post even though etoiles wasn't on soulfire he also ended up gaining that respect for tubbo#the group that was brought to the purgatory boat has such good vibes i care about them so much#and even pierre who still antagonizes him also told sunny to take care of him#i wonder if tubbo even knows how much he's loved#it's certainly new to him#i think if they'd known about fred's funeral they would have been there#tubbo doesn't expect anyone to be there for him and doesn't realize how many people want to be there#they're the found family of all time#the eye guys offered him power but he's already got it! he's got the love and respect of soulfire/morning crew and sunny and the other eggs#and that's all he needs
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Renée Minkowski is extremely into the abstract concept of Crew Bonding in such a way that it impairs her ability to actually bond with the particular crew that she has.
She wants them to have Christmas dinner together and give each other Christmas gifts, but she's not made an effort to learn Eiffel's feelings about December 25th and to think about what he might like to do that day.
She wants them to each say what they are thankful for at Thanksgiving, but when she says she's "thankful to have such a great crew on this mission", it sounds extremely unconvincing, as if she's just saying what she thinks a Commander ought to say at a Thanksgiving dinner on a space station, rather than expressing any genuine sentiments or revealing anything personal about herself.
She wants them all to participate in the talent show "to boost morale... bond as a crew, and... have a great time doing it", but Hilbert and Eiffel's reactions make it clear that talent shows do the opposite of improving crew morale for them.
Christmas celebrations and thanksgiving dinners and talent shows are all things that could potentially have a positive impact on morale and bonding for some hypothetical space crews, but in the way Minkowski approaches them, none of these things are particularly helpful for the morale and bonding of the people who are actually in her crew. Minkowski puts real effort into group bonding activities for her crew, but they are always based on general ideas about crew bonding, rather than on thinking about the individuals around her and what she can do to connect with those people in particular.
#Wolf 359#w359#renee minkowski#renée minkowski#I think she was probably even more intense about crew bonding stuff earlier in the mission#By the beginning of S1 she's just going through the motions to some extent#Also telling Eiffel 'that's actually less horrific than what I was expecting' to his thanksgiving contribution#isn't exactly a good way to encourage him to contribute#She tells him not to do smoke rings for the talent show as well#which under Wolf 359 science is sensible#but it's also reflective of a determination to get people to participate in the way that feels right to her#rather than the way that's natural for them#Tbf Eiffel at least seemed to enjoy that thanksgiving dinner#but it doesn't really seem like it brought them closer together#Especially with culturally loaded things like Christmas and Thanksgiving#there should have been a discussion there#but that's the thing#communication#and understanding her crew as individuals#those are things she has to learn#I'm also not saying that successfully bonding with Hilbert would have made any difference to anything#but pre-Christmas-mutiny it was an aim of hers at least on paper#Another thing to note is that Hera is partially excluded from some of these things#She's the only willing participant in the talent show#but Minkowski gives her a part with two lines#Minkowski encourages Hera's contribution of what she's thankful for#but only after Hera's asked if she could say something#Oh also I think that Minkowski's thanksgiving speech sounds like she'd planned those lines out before she even got up to the Hephaestus#She isn't thankful for her crew. Not at that stage. She's saying it through gritted teeth#But she'd planned on having a crew she was thankful for
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the day the earth stood still is the day i felt your presence leave it, and then every day after that.
#tw grief#sigh sigh sigh.#apologies in advance as this is not the happiest yap ! i would just like to write out some of my feelings on this day#the heaviest heart weighs under an insurmountable amount of grief — the ghost of love#days like today are a twisted reminder that has every emotion flooding through your soul#longing . guilt . anger . an indescribable melancholy that could only be consoled through the sands of time#a year ago i lost my best guy friend and it’s never really gotten easier . but ive heard it never does#all i can do is bundle up the love i have for him and search for him in the clouds that take up the sky#the circumstances around his passing will never not haunt me and rather than go into it all i’d like to say is this#if you have a loved one or a relationship or a friendship you cherish .. then never ever stop fighting for it - for them.#as time never really seems to be on our side#each day i’ll live as he intended . to greet the world with kindness and a smile and passion for positivity#in his wisest words (or rather after every phone call we’d have hehe) i’ll try my best to stay awesome & encourage you all to do so as well#if you’ve read this then i’m taking your hand and thanking you#it didn’t feel right not acknowledging him at all on this blog . he’s the one that introduced me to anime + more importantly : one piece#i wish i could talk to him about it all so he could see how far down this rabbit hole i fell just as he had done#will be spending the day enjoying his favorite episodes and being gentle with the world that surrounds us#this is not like my usual yaps & i feel vulnerable posting it but i wanted to carve out a space for him on this blog#forever missing the connie to my sasha . maybe in another universe we’ll get it right#have a wonderful sunday my sweet friendz and if you can — hug your loved ones & blow a kiss up to the sky 🤍💫#thank you for being here & helping me make this a safe place .#₊˚⊹ ᰔ xoxo aims
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Alastor as a "Gift from God" AU part 2
I'll have you know it is very difficult to write from the POV of God so you get Roo instead. I had to look up bible verses for this.
PART 1 here.
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On the day of the first extermination cleanse.
When the first sinner was slain, Roo felt the soul attempt to rise. A fruitless endeavor, for their sinful deeds in life and in death ensured her roots bound the severed pieces of the soul to her.
Foolish angels, in culling the herd and stifling even the thought of rebellion, they only made her stronger. Roo tightened her vines around the soul and attempted to drag it down, down through the 7 rings, and to her.
Attempted, because before she even got past the Pride Ring, a stronger force yanked the soul upwards. Enraged and in disbelief she tightened her hold around the other souls being slaughtered by the dozens, but each and every time they were ripped from her grasp.
At the end of the day, when the exorcists were flying up and away from the slaughter, the portal to Heaven opened and Roo latched onto the connection and demanded an explanation.
"Have you gone back on your word?" her tone was taunting but her desperation and anger festered, "These souls are mine. Their punishment is meant to be eternal!"
Roo did not expect a response, God had not spoken to her since The Beginning, and God had no foothold in hell - usually. Today, apparently, was an exception.
God spoke to her, "My creations all return unto me in The End regardless. You know I cannot bare to be separated forever."
Roo did not buy this, "What ever happened to 'Depart from me, you who are cursed' was that not written?"
"Said by a King, not I." God refuted.
"But within your holy text." Roo sniped, "You reward their sin, their rejection of you, by accepting them back with open arms?"
"If you think that is what will happen to those who reject me twice, you know me not at all." And perversely, Roo felt relieved at this admission. "The righteous will have eternal life, the sinful - upon second death - nothing."
"And keeping them from me was merely a happy coincidence?" Roo felt emboldened, God must see her as a bigger threat than she thought, "To twist the meaning of your eternal punishment to exclude me, why I'd almost call that a quality worthy of a demon."
The portal, which had only been open seconds, pulsed with the force of God's anger.
Roo laughed. "You fear me enough to risk your angels falling into my grasp once again. Do you think this latest stunt of yours will keep me weak forever?"
"My angels have learned to evade you since then."
"Careful there." Roo feigned concern, "Anymore hubris and I'll have to save you a seat in Pride. I could put you next to your favorite child, wouldn't that be nice?"
God ignored the taunt, "I know your roots grow stronger on Earth. More fall to you everyday. Faster than even my best angels can catch them."
Roo smiled at the admission. To have her work acknowledged by the being who created everything, everything that would someday be corrupted and belong wholly to her.
God continued, "It is a testament to your strength that The End may be sooner than I thought."
Roo stopped cold. Her strength came from corrupting the creations of God, but if there was nothing to corrupt...
Ah. She thought. Nothing truly is an eternal punishment.
"Unless," God hedged. "We come to an arrangement?"
Suddenly the reason for God's desire to converse with her made sense. Here she was, weakened from the loss of over a hundred damned souls, from an event that would become a yearly occurrence. Here God was, with the threat of The End poised upon their fingertips, attempting to force her compliance.
And it was working.
But God had shown their hand too early, "How utterly demonic of you! You want to compromise with me? To reason with me?" She used her roots to trip a flailing exorcist trying to remove its spear from a corpse just because, "What can you offer me?"
"I will not hasten The End before its time." God stated, as if the threat of nothing was enough now that she knew God wanted something from her that they could not get themselves.
"You do not want to destroy everything you've created; you want it even less than I do. What is it you desire?"
The last few exorcists were getting ready to return via the portal, their clothes splatted in shade of red and an abundance of gore. They had yet to develop a tolerance to the violence they were perpetuating. Roo knew, just as God did, that many of the angels after slaughtering their first few sinners, had ripped their helmet off and vomited in disgust and despair.
Roo could feel their shock, their inner turmoil, their sense of righteousness, their loyalty to heaven. With time, and more exterminations cleanses, they would learn to enjoy the bloodshed. Or they would break. Such was the way of war.
"I wish to create a gift for Lucifer," God began, "A gift that will challenge him, embolden him, and remain by his side."
Lucifer! Why did it always come back to him? Around them, the corpses of the damned littered her domain never to rise again, God's angels grappled with the weight of their heavenly duty, and her influence weakened for the first time in decades. And yet it was Lucifer that made God lower themselves to speak with her!
Roo reigned in her rage, "And what does that have to do with me?"
"I am creating something unlike anything I've ever created before." God directed her attention back to the weak angel who'd finally pulled their spear from a corpse, "Immune to angelic destruction. Stronger than a thousand sinners, with the potential to stand against my Archangels, capable of vengeance and retribution."
Roo salivated. "And you're sending it here." Roo let the last of the shattered souls in her grasp go, not even paying attention as it shot upwards and away. "You'd create such a thing and put in my hands the instrument of your demise?"
"Which is why I appear before you. You know sin more intimately than I. So I implore you to cast off a piece of yourself for this gift and I shall do the same."
"And what is this gift?" The exorcist was attempting to clean the gore from the spear and failing. "And why should I give you anymore of myself when you've already taken so much?"
"A human soul."
"You intend to create a soul destined to hell before its first sin and gift it to the being who prizes free will above all else. Do you imagine he will thank you?" Roo didn't care about Lucifer's feelings regarding this gift, she couldn't wait to see the fallout actually, but she couldn't help but point out the obvious.
"No," God said, "he will not. As for you, this soul will bring a new age upon your realm. They will be The Avenger of the worthy. And a nightmare to everyone else."
"Do not repay anyone evil for evil," Roo quoted. "Is that why you need me? You want to avoid going against your own words, so you seek to blame me instead."
She did not give God time to respond, "But you still haven't told me what I gain. What do I care for this promised 'new age' or so-called Avenger when I am still trapped?"
"And that is my bargain," God attempted to comfort one of the angels weeping over a small sinner's corpse but their touch fell short. Seems they did not have power over anything in her realm but exorcised souls, she mused.
"With a piece of us both, this soul will have a direct link to us in a way no fully mortal being has before."
Roo would've gasped if she was capable of breathing, "Speak plainly!"
"They could free you."
"What's the catch? Why would you give them this power?" She could hardly believe it. It was too good to be true.
"You have the chance to be free. But you must convince this soul to do so of their own free will, knowing fully the consequences of your freedom." Roo dismissed this, she was The Root of Sin for a reason, and this soul was destined for her realm anyway.
"You are forbidden from interfering with their life before hell. And you must find this soul yourself once they fall."
A minor setback, but the call of freedom was strong. Still, she was not so blinded by this opportunity that she wouldn't ask, "And what, do you, The Almighty God, gain from this bargain?"
"A hellborn will become your greatest adversary, they will attempt to redeem sinners and remove them from your grasp." The portal to Heaven began to close.
"And should they succeed, your chance to convince The Avenger will begin to close. And you will never know freedom."
"A time limit!" She should've known they wouldn't play fair, "How long?"
They turned her attention to the newly built Tower in the center of the Pentagram. The timer below flipped through the numbers at record speed until it hit 365. "Seven full moons after the clock strikes zero for the last time. Do we have an agreement?"
God's voice was strong as ever, but the portal was now only the size of a quarter. Roo knew manipulation and this reeked of it, how clever of God to wait until the last moment to share all the details when she had so little time to think of it.
"When in hell, you use the proper term." Roo pretended to scold them. She reached out to the fading tendrils of God and sunk her thorns in as deep into the connection as she could.
"We have a deal."
#hazbin hotel#hazbin hotel au#alastor gift from god au#hazbin god#hazbin roo#Sorry no alastor yet#I got caught up in the backstory#because I had to figure out a reason God would even consider doing this#I also had to figure out why God allowed Sera to keep doing the exterminations#God is very manipulative and Roo is not afraid to point it out#there's another reason God gave this specific time limit#It ensures that Roo will actively encourage the Exterminations to keep happening despite how much power she loses from it#As long as the clock never reaches zero for the last time she will have eternity to convince Alastor#A bit of yandere! God slipped in with the whole 'No one can stay away from me forever. I'll kill everyone first'#God doesn't like the pain the exterminations cause but they do like yoinking souls away from Roo#Roo: :P sweet a shattered soul to feed me-#God: YEET#Roo: My Souls!! D:<#Also Roo is not a reliable narrator#God does not like having angels kill for heaven but it's the only way to keep Roo weak#for now >:)#notice how God answers Roo without actually answering her#and plays up the connection Alastor will have to Roo and how it could free her rather than trap her further#And scurts around the fact that Alastor will have the same connection to them#don't worry though cause Roo is gonna realize that last bit eventually#Neither God or Roo want The End and that is why they both agree to this#It's a risk to them both but it's better than nothing#Sure God put in a lot of caveats but Roo if given an inch will make an apple tree and God knows that
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the hc that susie & bandana dee have this parent-child dynamic will never die in my heart, i imagine that ever since they met for the kirby battle royale trailer they've just had this sort of friendship
like i imagine susie would cut & peel him apple slices, pack him lunch with all his favorite foods, provide him spare change in case of an emergency, celebrate his successes no matter the size, excessively worry about whether he's wearing enough/had enough sleep/eating well, or provide him guidance if he's struggling with something --generally things that are similar to how a parent would care for their child (this is from the perspective of someone from an east asian cultural context where some of these actions that appear odd are very conventional ways of displaying affection from parents)
it's cute & she does these things because she can see a lot of herself in bandana dee (the girlfailure) & wants him to have the opportunity for, if not a normal, then at least a happy & safe(r) childhood unlike the one she got
god forbid she watch him fight some newly arisen ancient godly entity with kirby the third time today.
#kirby headcanons#susie haltmann#bandana waddle dee#kirby#watch out metadad & galactadad because sumama is in town (haha do you get the pun it's a play on her full name susanna)#(hahamann could be a pretty good contender though: 母 (haha) meaning “mother” in japanese)#i know dedede is basically like the parent of bandana dee but a local cutting board can dream ;;#besides he's a king so he's like the dad to ALL waddle dees#also i feel like susie needs more friends in her life that she can really relate with on a fundamental level#like mk magolor taranza & the mage sisters are good#but mk seems like the type to just listen/rarely give input & be put on a pedestal by susie rather than feel relatable to her#(being a listener isn't bad at all --the issue is that susie idolizes him)#the mage sisters strike me as the type of friends you're good friends with but you talk to them once in a blue moon#(also not bad-- if you're still friends with someone despite not contacting them for a few years that's genuinely one strong friendship)#taranza & magolor are just bad influences. probably in general. magolor actively encouraging & taranza accidentally. banger trio though#every cell in my body wants to say she'd give the same treatment to sailor dee too
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this is the dynamic
#burnt out 20 something year-old in love with a morally questionable sexy old man. blissfully ignoring the red flags#and in fact encouraging some of them#aka the murders are part of him and i think i could fix him but also its kind of funny#david would rather TOP a TWINK than STOP and THINK!#oh also the pink stuff is remnant. i know it canonically looks like mercury but i guess i never shook the habit of making it pink lmao#my art#digital art#artists on tumblr#artwork#drawing#illustration#artistsupport#self insert x canon#self insert#oc x canon#self ship art#william afton#do i tag this with fnaf yes or no... hmmmm#sure#fnaf
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#Charlie Kirk dude . . . . . .#if you want more women to be conservative then actually listen to them instead of pushing the traditional marriage viewpoint#where you shame women for pursuing careers and degrade women in their early thirties#and say it's impossible to reach women to make them conservative unless they're married with kids#ESPECIALLY#since your own life makes a hypocrite out of you#women are tired of being told to get married and have kids#women are tired of being blamed for low birth rates and marriages#especially when there's no reflection on the men's part to figure out if they might actually have a part in chasing women away from that li#life#women are tired of this rhetoric and you will only put them up in arms if you continue to criticize them#for choosing to have careers over families#By being this way you sound more like a poison pill for conservatives- trying to chase away women rather than appeal to them#the traditional life you hold to was not because of innate biology but because of necessity and later society#when women were given the chance in WWII to work they did so gladly and had to be forced back into the home#We are people with thoughts and dreams and aspirations#and those don't all point to motherhood#stop it please I beg of you#telling women they are supposed to married with kids will not fix the nuclear family#telling women they're past their prime in their thirties will not encourage more families#you only give them ammo to dislike you and refuse to listen to you
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am I wrong? genuinely, I'm asking. would it not come off extremely condescending?
#she blocked me after saying that it wouldn't be talking down to because POC are my peers and it's like...#that's not how talking down to someone works?#yes they ARE my peers. so are the white people I'm explicitly talking down to#they are my peers and thus i respect that they have a lot more experience and knowledge than i do about this topic#and i decide not to condescend to them about it or slap them on the wrist for saying something i think is in poor taste#like idk man#I'm trying to talk to people who might actually listen to me rather than people who have no reason to#is that so bad?#like i was literally talking to a mixed guy about this and he was like#yeah i do mostly agree with you in reality but it's hard to not bask in a little shaudenfreude when it happens#and i was like yeah i think that's whatever and you should feel however you feel but perhaps the basking should be kept private#like... idk we're all human we all have shitty emotional responses sometimes and need to vent sometimes.#sometimes you do say something off colour to your friends when youre pissed off and hurting#but i DON'T think we should be encouraging this behaviour publicly. because it emboldens people#you say your shitty things in private to your friends who get it or you keep them in your mind and then you get up and try to help people#regardless of if theyre shitheads or not you should be feeling compassion and you should be offering them your hand#THAT'S what i have to say to POC who have been venting like this.#what do i have to say to white people who are venting in this way? shut the fuck up and go do some work.#stop self victimising and celebrating racist violence against people you see as your enemy#grow up#there IS a difference between lateral violence and punching down and that difference matters in the discussion of how to stop it.#the system speaks
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whenever I have a particularly bad time online with all the bullshit that gets passed around I try to remember that post that I can’t remember the exact elegant wording they used but whose point was effectively “No one who has tried to care as much as possible about every single thing wrong in the world has ever succeeded and the ones that I found have made the most difference in the world are those who picked one thing and cared really really hard about trying to fix it”. And I really try to focus on how the internet’s morals shift by popular stance and trend every 3 years and how algorithms are pushing for constant conflict and how people are falling under the controlled systematic internet narrative that the world is out to get absolutely everyone and everything and everyone other than you is evil and wrong and….and I try really hard to focus on my memories and experiences of real life. I remember the older lgbt couples shopping my store where I worked as a teen. I remember the little tween girls in religious headwear buying hair dye from my register and giggling to each other in excitement as they went home. I think about the veteran trans woman in my local scene and community whom was offered respect and validity by my peers, whom I traveled with as a kid to an event out of state. I think about the fundraisers my local scene put on for members of the community who got injured. I think of the local shops who make every effort to give back to the community and ask for nothing in return. I try to remember how much that matters, how much doing something or respecting someone you meet irl will always matter more than agreeing or disagreeing with someone over a vague concept online ever will. I don’t have any pretty words or conclusive sentiments to add to this I just wanted to push some of the stress of seeing the constant rage and conflict and bullshit on the internet off my chest and put something else into it’s place instead
#unimportant thoughts#sigh#i give a lot of shit to my childhood#for some good reasons#but honestly there are so many parts id never trade#ive seen so many examples of people and effort I deeply admire and cherish#track operators that silently waive fees for the less fortunate family that shows up every week#and community fundraising events for a fellow rider that got hurt to pay his medical bills#and parents that run toward riders they’ve never spoken to at events when they fall#and pro riders that parked next to me at events and spared a smile and words of encouragment#and community members that devote their energy and effort to giving back; organizing events and inviting people and promoting positivity#and. so much more.#those are what I strive for those are who and waht i admire#these people exist and give back and do so much for each other#i might disagree with people on things but id rather feed my neighbor than starve them because my corporate fueled algorithmic hate machine#told me they reflected minor differences in opinions to me#anyways#im gonna get off my high horse im just. trying to focus on some positive#who i want to be and what i want to achieve and where i want to put my energy#it is worthwhile 🫶🏻
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Having stumbled into like. Mild success with a few fics that were waaay canon divergent and get them praised for the worldbuilding I did makes it all the more bleh that anything else I do outside of that fandom is still just. Crickets.
I wish I was one of those artists/writers who can grab people with their style or creative ideas so people will give their wild ideas a try even if its not something that's their usual pairing/fandom...
#shut up tc#it doesn't help that my interests are really fucking niche usually#but it's like. a few friends have been encouraging me to write original fiction#especially when I was getting all those comments raving about how much they loved my writing and worldbuilding#but how could I draw people in to read my original ideas when I can't even make them consider#trying something that's not their usual pairing#even if they are familiar with the fandom#had a chat with someone today who's really disappointed that I haven't made progress on my sv fics lately#and honestly same. I want to continue those stories but my inspo is not there atm#I knew they are big on fantasy rpgs like bg and da and they play ff so I tried to. you know. maybe tempt them towards those stories I have#and they were like wow these ideas are crazy. they are so out there. I don't think anyone can makes these good I'd rather not waste my time#which hurt a lot ngl. like. they are not any more weird than whatever I did with In Tune#or Wolf#so I tried it like. hey you know how I write. don't you trust that *I* can make these ideas interesting enough to at least give them a try?#apparently not. haha haaa#maybe I didn't try to sell it the right way but#if I can't even get someone who's a relatively close acquaintance read my shit then what chance would I have doing og fiction?
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with respect to myself, this whole “i need to wait till i’m out of school to date,” “i need to wait till i’m more historically, politically, and culturally educated to date” is all bullshit. it’s the top surgery. that’s the holdup. they chop these tits off and i’m ready to go.
#for the record - i still think that those first two things are the WISEST course of action#but i’m just saying that i don’t think anyone could hold me back if the opportunity arises#because the top surgery thing is my real hangup#because that would be a LOT to go through with someone in a new relationship and i would rather Not#so it’s better to wait#and i have a feeling that MY confidence will increase a ton in the aftermath as well#i’ll FINALLY be able to dress how i want holy SHIT#no more needless layering and strategically shapeless flannels#thank GOD#and in the meantime i’ll just keep trying to learn as much as i can on the way there!#so that i’m as prepared as possible whenever the moment comes along#i’m really working on not being mean to myself about not knowing things#nobody comes into the world with this knowledge#and i was not given the resources growing up that encouraged me to learn these things#just because some people had parents or friends who introduced them to things when they were younger or grew up in cultural centers#doesn’t make them cooler or better than me#i am educating myself now and that is what is important#i enjoy learning and that is what is important#i WILL become my ideal self one day - i am getting better#i am not perfect - i am still fucking up a ton and insecure and stretching myself to the absolute limit#which is why it is probably NOT a good idea to date right now!!!!!!#but who knows… i’ll just go where the road takes me#and see how that works out
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this sucks lol
#this reminds me of how at work#literally everything we do has to be expressed and justified in the language of career readiness#it's like we've all agreed there is nothing more important to a person's life and no purpose for education beyond career readiness#it drives me insane#because it's clearly so reactive and driven by anxiety rather than conviction#but to see it starting literally in infant care just makes me feel sick!!! i hate it!!!!#i am never going to talk to my child about career readiness lol. never ever ever. this i resolve#my whole MO as a parent will be to encourage his curiosity and interest in the world around him#and encourage him to follow his interests - whatever they are - wherever they lead him#i hope he enjoys learning and loves things and has real interests that are just his own#also i think what's even more nuts to me is like#we work with a large first gen student population and for many of them financial security and upward economic mobility for their families#is really important!#so i can understand some of the career readiness emphasis even if i think we do people a disservice to act like that's the only thing#that motivates them#but kids who can afford goddard school prices...#they are not going to struggle financially#they are going to have a very deep safety net#so the economic anxiety doesn’t even make sense
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sally rooney is a marxist and has criticised, through her fiction, the treatment of books as aesthetic objects that are just seen as a commercial enterprise, to be bought, sold, and to look good on shelves and social media. it's just both quite funny and sad that you can pre-order special editions of her new book, and that when beautiful world where are you came out you could get limited edition bucket hats with the book's design on them. she is out here criticising capitalism in her work and her interviews and then her publishing company comes in, supposedly not having read anything she's written, just to provide a slice of delightful irony, or perhaps to prove her point.
#sally rooney#intermezzo#beautiful world where are you#maybe i shouldnt assume that the criticisms of publishing in bwway reflect rooneys own beliefs#but also knowing her other beliefs....i dont think im unjustified in doing that lmao#also this screenshot is from an indie bookstore so maybe i shouldnt be too harsh on them#bc maybe they have to sell special editions like this to stay open. and so maybe it is helping them#by encouraging consumers to shop with them rather than at chain bookstores. but still. the irony is wild#its like the book publishing equivalent of 'dont build the torment nexus'#oops i think the criticism i was thinking of may have been in normal people? but i think aspects of it were def in bwway too
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