#rant reviw

[silkiemae]

The Dawn and its Light by Piper CJ

I cannot express to you how glad I am that this series is over. Like I said when I first read TNAIM, there was a lot of potential initially, but unfortunately, Piper continued to disappoint with every plot twist. Book 3 ends off with Nox & her pals killing Millicent, aka the Hand and the Hammer, who I totally almost just called Pollux. And Amaris and her pals are over killing Queen Moiroi. Who we still have no answers about, btw. I think it's kind of ridiculous that if you want to know what is up with that whole business, you have to buy a special edition of this book just to read a 100-page novella explaining it when it could've been explained in the actual book, but whatever. 

The first 100 pages involve Nox dream walking back and forth between everyone and explaining to them all what happened in the last book. Then she has dream sex with Malik. I hated it. Ash and Tanith also bone, it's also awful. I will say that Piper’s writing has improved a bit. Unfortunately, this was still a slog, especially towards the end, but it was far easier to get through than the last three books. After all the dream conversations and sex, they make the decision to travel to Sulgrave to try and forge peace with them or something despite the fact that Tanith was sent to their continent from Sulgrave to genocide anyone with human/faerie blood. I think it was kind of incredibly stupid to have that knowledge and then decide to make a journey across the Frozen Straits where many people are known to die with next to no supplies but more on that later. 

Before they cross the Straits, they decide someone needs to be left behind to rule over Aubade(but not Ceres' kingdom?). So, who do they choose? Fucking Malik. Despite the fact that Malik is a reever and is meant to be like a witcher and play no part in the king's wars, etc. But it's fine because his girlfriend asked him to do it. So, if you're a Malik fan, I'm sorry to tell you that he gets shelved for 85% of this book. He's left behind while everyone else goes to Sulgrave and only shows up for a few dream convos with Nox. I skimmed the last three chapters, so I don't know if he even shows up then. But he definitely wasn't even there for the final battle...speaking of, there WAS NO FINAL BATTLE. Personally, I think it was dumb as hell to have Nox herself go to Sulgrave especially when she only just conquered these kingdoms and hasn't even had an official coronation or established her power in either place. Like she basically pulled a khaleesi and was like okay you're free from your evil leader now...but I'm going to peace out before I can do anything to help improve your lives. Good luck! This is my friend Malik, he has no idea how to run a kingdom either but don't worry guys, I'm sure you'll be fine. I'm gonna go cross a treacherous frozen landscape even though I'm the only heir to these thrones and hope that I survive!! stupid as fuck lmao. 

There's a point where Tanith uses her demon-controlling ability to summon a bunch of harpies to spread the word of...something. And that's all they do. They never show up again. Also, the northern lights show up, which made me LOL because she keeps just cherry-picking things from other mythologies and tossing them into her fictional world. The northern lights, or aurora borealis, are named that because they were named after the Greek god of the north wind, Borealis and the Roman goddess of the dawn, Aurora. Like, plz, Piper. This would be fine, but this is set in a world where there is literally only one religion, and that’s the All-Mother, so where are we getting these names from? There are mentions of old gods, but they’re never expounded upon. I would love it if she somehow told us a backstory where this used to be our world, but something happened to make it so there's only the religion of the All-Mother or something, idk. If Sulgrave managed to cut itself off from the rest of the continent why do they all have the same religion?? It doesn’t make sense. 

I do like that some things from the older books are making a comeback, like the teleporting carriage the Madame had. (I still want to punch Amaris for being like, ‘Oh, this belonged to the lady who wanted to buy me,’ and then thinks nothing of Nox, as usual. Oh, it’s not like she had to go in your place and be forced into sex slavery or anything, aha) I was initially pumped that they were going to go back to the university(also big LOL there's only one university in the entire continent. apparently very few people get educated in this universe....which makes sense considering they're all so dumb) to get the greenstrike blood to help Tanith(another thing that is hardly explained or utilized) but that was the world's biggest disappointment just like the university plot was in book 2. Amaris went there, overreacted when Gad said they were just fight pals, broke into the room of prophecies from HP, and then magically healed Gadriel’s broken wings, and ran away. It was all just convenience for the plot. It seemed entirely useless. If they’d actually done something of note there, this plot would be so much more exciting, too. I was initially excited to see the potential drama of Amaris and Gadriel returning there, but we didn’t even get that. Instead, Yazlyn goes to negotiate with the university while Amaris and Gadriel make out in the forest. It felt like a complete letdown for some actual interesting tension. Then after this, the three of them have to travel across the frozen straits to meet up with the others in some mysteriously hidden boat. Amaris has to be carried by Gadriel and because he has a magic body-warming ability, they’re relatively comfortable while poor Yazlyn is just SUFFERING. I do understand why she’s so miserable and won’t stop complaining but Piper really has a talent for writing dialogue in the whiniest, most annoying way possible. All I wanted was for Yazlyn to stfu even though I completely get why she’s so angry. 

Eventually, they make it to the boat. Gadriel tells Amaris that Nox getting sold into sex slavery is not her fault. I mean…I’m gonna be real, I disagree. While Amaris may not have used her compulsion on Nox to force her to wait, she did tell Nox to wait for her and gave her the expectation that she would come back for her only to abandon her at the first chance and not even think once about going back for her. Nox could’ve been waiting out there for just a few minutes longer before she was caught and sold to the brothel. So, it’s still Amaris’ fault. And it’s Amaris’ fault for being so self-centered that she never once thought about what might’ve happened to Nox or about getting back to her. If she did think that Nox had escaped, why wouldn’t she ever once think about where Nox was? What she was doing? If she was looking for Amaris? You can’t convince me Amaris doesn’t suck, Piper, I’m sorry. 

So they travel for like two weeks on this frozen lake on a skiff on skates. It’s boring and it sucks, for them and for me. There’s a monster hunting them that only Amaris can see. The part when they dance under the northern lights was hilarious because it says they dance like the man who first discovered fire, so I imagine them all dancing like cavemen. Then their ship gets broken, and they use all their convenient powers to fix the boat(just realized that Malik was likely left behind because he has no powers), and the monster attacks. It’s called an aboriou but I literally kept reading ‘an abortion’. Amaris tells everyone to fly away so she can face the abortion and she’s all like ‘oh no I have no weapons’ apparently forgetting she has a shock wave scream. Gadriel almost drops Ash so he has to set him down and readjust his grip which draws the abortion’s attention and Amaris just keeps flailing her arms like an insignificant ant trying to get the abortion’s attention, apparently forgetting she has a shock wave scream Don’t worry though, she remembers it as soon as Yazlyn gets swatted out of the sky like a fly and Tamlin almost gets eaten. She can apparently punch shock waves into the ground now? I don’t remember her learning that ability but okay. She beats up the monster, Tamlin tames it with her demon controlling ability?(they literally said the abortion isn’t a demon it’s an animal, but okay) and then nox befriends it by giving it all of their food supply. So. Great ruling there nox. 

They get to sulgrave and everyone is shocked when Tamlin turns out to actually be a criminal. They get taken to some Diplomatic hall and talk to these people who are in charge of different territories and they all have special color-coded outfits. Nox and Amaris finally bone, and they have magic communicating flowers in their room that have no on or off button so the poor guy at the front desk probably has to sit there and listen to them boning. 

I need to take a second to mention how uncomfortable the polycule in this story makes me. There’s Amaris who’s apparently in love with Nox, who is also getting head from Malik on the side who is also kind of Amaris’ brother. And then Amaris is in a weird uncomfy BDSM relationship with Gadriel who is also Nox’s cousin. Amaris is the immaculately conceived child of the goddess who was made based on a prayer from Daphne, Nox’s mom—and Nox’s dad, Ceres even says that Amaris is kind of like his daughter. So it’s like…one big weird incest square almost, and I don’t like it. I want poly rep but…not like this lmfao. This makes me uncomfy. Not to mention how Gad literally tells Amaris that he owns her and she belongs to Nox so Amaris is in this really toxic throuple where she’s being shared by two cousins who own her??? Not to mention the super bizarre obsession with Amaris losing her virginity. 

The relationship between Yazlyn and Ryu came out of nowhere. They shared a sort of look that’s supposed to suggest they’re interested in one another and then suddenly like idk a hundred or so pages later we get a POV from Yazlyn where she’s talking about how into Ryu she is and how great their first date was but we missed all of that which I find a huge bummer. For a story that was advertised as a bisexual fantasy I was really expecting to get to read about some actual romantic relationship building between two women. There is honestly none in this series whatsoever. Yes, I know the two lead women are meant to be in love and the main couple of the books but they spent 3/4 books apart and in this one they barely talk. We got more from the relationship between Gadriel and Amaris than any other couple. I can’t relate or empathize to any of these relationships because I didn’t get to experience them blossom at all. It’s just suddenly slapped on the page like oh btw, they’re together and deeply in love now! Am I supposed to be happy for Yazlyn that she's staying behind with Ryu? How can I be when I don't understand why? I never saw any of the things that convinced her to stay. 

Ash risks it all to save Tanith which is the dumbest subplot to me. You cannot make me believe that Ash and Tanith really love each other I’m sorry but you can’t. Ash goes to Tanith’s church to try to like cajole them into releasing Tanith and he’s like ‘she should be proud of me I went to her church for her!’ Like...her church that wants to genocide you but yeah! I will never buy that these two are genuinely in love. Trauma bonded? Okay, maybe. But Tanith literally has changed zero of her opinions about half-faeries, which her boyfriend Ash happens to be. Sorry, but no. 

I don't know how it went from Ash asking the church if he could see Tanith to everyone getting arrested but somehow that happens, and everyone blames Ash. I really wish there would've been more time delving into the church and how it was a cult and shit but...it's not that at all. In fact, it's written in a way that basically makes no one culpable of their shitty racist thoughts. More on that soon...

Meanwhile while everyone is imprisoned by the genocidal church, Gad and Amaris go on a hike up to the winged part of Sulgrave to visit Gad’s parents. The winged fae are called seraphim and are described as dove-winged which confused the shit out of me because don’t Gad and Yazlyn have black feathered wings? Are seraphim specifically white winged? If Gad’s parents are seraphim then why does he have black wings? Also seraphim--another thing cherry picked from yet another religion. really using that folklore degree for good, piper. Anyway, they get to his parents house and they’re not home so Gad immediately is like oh we have a house to ourselves and I can smell that you’re no longer a virgin so let’s fuck(ew)! Amaris is like….I don’t really want to but since I know Gad doesn’t take no for an answer I’ll have to use my safe word but…I’m not gonna do that...instead I’m going to literally fight for my life and make this man best me in battle before we’re allowed to fuck. Then precedes some incredibly rapey quotes. 

her gasps of protest and pressing hands were mere signs of encouragement to the predatory male. For months, he’d stopped her advances. For months, she’d tried and failed to lure him into exactly this moment. The message was clear. This was not her choice; it was his.

Meanwhile, this man is literally beating her up and tying her up not accepting any protests unless they’re accompanied by the word snowbird. I know she was trying to do like some kind of mr and MRS SMITH sexy fight scene but the reason that scene worked is because they’re two people who were in love that were genuinely trying to murder one another. This reads as one person very convincingly trying to get away while the other refuses to let them. Oh and then also when they finally do bone THERE’S NO FOREPLAY. HE JUST GOES STRAIGHT FOR PENETRATION. But the orgasm was so good that her sonic scream shattered all the windows. 

I won’t lie I kind of blacked out most of what happened after this because it was so boring. Somehow Amaris & Gadriel team up with Ryu and some other people from Sulgrave to go rescue everyone. I don’t remember how they got Tanith out but she somehow helps Amaris and Gadriel. Nox does exactly what Amaris did in book one when she called out Moiroi for casting an illusion and calls Daifa out in front of everyone for implanting memories which is why everyone was a racist. Daifa’s response is oh well you’re just a liar and a false queen. Now everyone is fighting. Somehow the abortion showed up to help out too. Nox literally kills Daifa in a fucking dream and that's it. 

Oh, there's a part where they fight the church, one of them telekinetically throws a lot of swords and shit at Tanith and Ash dives in front of the swords to save her but somehow not a single one pierced Tanith(that's not how that would work at all but okay piper, whatever you say). So I'm just imagining the tips of all these swords just embedded in him hahaha. Anyway, Ash dies sacrificing himself for the nazi girlfriend who wanted to genocide him and then gets turned into a fucking GOLD COIN and is never mentioned again. my god. 

The main bad guy is never killed because apparently this is mean to lead into the Villains prequel but...This book feels like it’s the start of a new series, but it’s supposed to be the finale of this series yet it’s got an open-ending to lead into the prequel series of the villains. Which again, if it’s a prequel series it takes place before this series so why did this series need an open-ending unless of course, there’s going to be sequel series to this which if there is I am going to shoot myself. I’m begging you Piper, let Amaris die. She sucks. 

So this book is weird to me because we defeated the big bad in the last book and now there’s a new big bad in this book who never gets defeated so…I’m confused. Like how would this series be finished then. I feel like she’s going to magically be like HAHA SIKE ITS NOT OVER THERES FOUR MORE BOOKS COMING OUT. 

Oh, I do want to mention to any of you who’ve been purchasing the character art of Malik that that shit is traced. Look up the Entertainment Weekly cover of Charlie Hunnam when he was promoting King Arthur. The wrinkles on his shirt, the sword hilt, the placement of his fingers, the wounds on his arms. All of that is traced with a disproportionate head of like Liam Hemsworth slapped on top. Do with that information what you will. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 

And that's all I have to say. Goodbye.

EDIT: Also, what the fuck is the actual relationship between Gadriel and Nox? This book says they were cousins and that Gad's dad was Ceres' brother, which would make him Cere's nephew. The last three books and the novellas say that Gadriel and Ceres were cousins. So which is it??

[nenesleepyhead]

Second rant/review on a movie chosen to my Instagram follower...

Here we go!

[rcsebudbcy]

It has been a while since I have last written a review on a book (sadly so) and in addition to that, this is the first review to go up on my book blog on Tumblr. I want to preface my review with a notice that English is not my first language, hence mistakes may occur in the following review.

SPOILERS AHEAD

***

After having The Illuminae Files Book 1 „Illuminae“ by Amie Kaufman and Jay Kristoff on my radar ever since it was released in 2015, I finally came around to reading it this year, 2021. I was mildly intrigued by the concept of this book since it is not written in typical prose much as you are probably used to reading. Instead, the story unfolds itself through chat records, audio and video transcripts, E-mails, documents of other sorts and visuals. It is presented as a collection of files (hence the title of the series) and right of the bat we get to know that everything we are going to be exposed to has happened roughly a year in the past.

I will first and foremost praise the book for its intentions. The concept is quite unique and you won‘t find many books with a similar style. Kudos for creativity. Though: Personally, the combination of a sci-fi story and a non-consistent way of storytelling resulted in a huge lack of enjoyment. It felt info-dump-y at times; and although I rarely have many problems with being thrown into cold water and a pool of information my brain cannot comprehend instantly at the start of a book, Illuminae genuinely made me feel dumb all throughout the entire novel. I can somewhat excuse this by saying that I usually never read sci-fi - when I do, it happens very sparsely - yet it is a matter of fact that I enjoyed this book less and less the more I read it.

Next, I want to touch upon the writing style. While I liked the E-mails and especially the chat excerpts between Kady and Ezra (I thought they were most accurately written from a teen‘s perspective), I was unbelievably close to ripping my hair out and sending the book flying across my room (I could not practice the latter urge. I borrowed my copy from the library) whenever there were the security camera transcripts, as well as AIDAN‘s data pages. I have no idea what happened there but in comparison to the files Kady retrieved or the E-mails - both of which were written quite realistically in my opinion - those felt way over the top and childishly exaggerated.

The subjectiveness of the video transcripts was horrible: It distanced me so much from the story itself because they felt utterly comical. The attempts (failed miserably) at humor made me roll my eyes and sigh more than I could keep track of. It seems as if the book wants to be more than it is. My rating would have improved by a lot if the seriousness of the story was kept consistent and believable.

AIDAN…was a whole mess. The pages dedicated to his POV contributed to the pain this book inflicted on me…a lot. Obviously, this takes place sometime in the future – 2075? 2175? Perhaps even 3375? – so I am aware that there possibly could be a time in which AIs are able to simulate human emotions. I am aware that it is not entirely impossible to program an AI to have a fraction of self-awareness. Yet, it did not click with me that AIDAN is able to feel the desire to hold someone (Kady) in his arms. He felt too human (which was the point, probably), which in itself is not a problem, but then he constantly emphasizes how he is only a code and that he does not have a human’s physique. I GET it. Thank you AIDAN for reminding me a zillion times that you are – in fact – an AI.

In addition to this, I have yet another problem with AIDAN which has bothered me oh so much. Why is he speaking (thinking? BEING??) so poetically? I could easily find ten metaphors and three similes within two pages of AIDAN-text. It already bothers me plenty when real human of flesh and blood speak in an unrealistically flowery style – although I love pretentious writing. But then, in AIDAN’s case, you have a AI speaking more pretentiously than I have ever read before. It was a-nnoy-ing. Jeez.

More critique to come. I am convinced that I am part of the minority who does not think Illuminae deserves the hype it gets. I have to be; the Goodreads rating is 4.25. I am going to try to keep the following critique short.

A) Kady. She. Is. Annoying. I cannot pinpoint exactly as to Why I find her so unbearable. She just…is. Presumably because of the whole breaking-up-with-Ezra situation as well as her thinking a lot of herself. There are moments in which I like her. But in hindsight, she is stuck in my brain as The Unlikable Girl.

B) Kady and Ezra should have went the lovers to friends route. Them rebuilding their romantic relationship did in no way further the plot. It did not even feel natural that they made up via text and E-Mail. Clearly, they had not much of a choice, considering they were thousands of kilometres apart on two different spaceships. Still, I believe Kaufman and Kristoff could have found a better way to put the relationship of those two in rice.

C) Ezra’s death. He should simply have stayed dead. Would have made the whole thing much more dramatic and impactful. I see no reason as to why Ezra should have been spared from death. Especially because the vibe of this story was dark enough to justify it. I loved the plot twist of AIDAN revealing that he had fooled Kady. And all the epic-ness ceased away when it was resolved in the end that Ezra actually has not died. Totally lackluster.

Finally, my rating for Illuminae: One point five out of five stars. My biggest disappointment of the year. I was so excited to eventually read this book. I was ultimately let down by it and am not going to continue this series.

[twijfelaar]

So I watched Captain marvel for the second time and I had a review in my mind while watching it.

Spoilers!!!!!

That reviewer said Carol was a Mary Sue because she immediately figured out her powers after the dampener came off and it is just wrong.

Because Carol has a pretty good hang on her powers with the dampener.... Hell she is the only StarForce soldier that does not carry a weapon during the mission, cause she is the weapon.

And when she distracts her former squadmates by fighting them she clearly is getting used to the degree of her powers... A la Captain America chase scene when he first gets out of the tube. (Crashing into shop windows etc. Carol definitely overshoots and uses too much power during this scene)

And like the powers she has are not new, they are just more powerful, during the "fun" fight she figures out how powerful, and during the real fight she just let's lose.

Also the reason why she has some control during her initial escape is because she is working on emotions, like the Kree tried to suppress her powers by suppressing her emotional response and it worked. But if this movie showed us anything it is that emotions and showing them makes you stronger, and those emotions aren't always pretty but they are useful cause they give you power.

Also Yon-Rogg trying to use Carol her pride(an emotion) during that final exchange to make her lose and Carol actually using her head instead of her heart was amazing!!

[dimmestmorn13]

i get so fucking pissed off at how low Bakugou wears his pants and i just wanna pull them the fuck up because what the fuck do you think you’re doing, brat, for fuck’s sake,they’re so Loose and Baggy what the shit, you want the world to see your fucking All Might undies huh???? do you??? hUH???

[kittenshift-17]

Hi! So um, I've been a reader for a couple of years now but I've always been to nervous to leave a review (anxiety won't let me leave anything but the perfect comment, which doesn't exist in my brain) so I must apologize for that.

I just wanted to say that I appreciate your writing so very much. It's funny to me that Let it Burn was updated because I was trying to work up the nerve to leave a review on it. With all of the updating you're doing, I (and I'm assuming many others) feel rather blessed and spoiled.

Rant aside, I just wanted to send love in a way that I can handle. Now um I'm going to reread Firewhiskey Nights, so please excuse me😊

Hey,

Thanks. I feel it's important to say, though, that your anxiety over review leaving is entirely wasted. A simple "thanks, I loved it" would be considered a perfect review to every author I could name. We are honestly so stoked that people want to read the drivel we cough up that any well meant and kind review is usually enough to brighten our day. Reviews, as long as they aren't flames or obnoxious demands for updates, tend to make us authors happy and make us feel validated and can so often be the only reason we bother to keep investing time and effort and spoons into a story.

The Let it Burn update, for example. No one had touched it in ages, not me and not any reviwers, and out of the blue someone sent me a review saying they liked it and missed it and hoped I was safe and healthy and that I might be inspired to write more one day. And after reading that, I wanted to make that reviewer happy and smashed out over 7k+ words of a new chapter to do so. Just from one kind reviewer taking the time to be sweet when they didn't have to. 🤷‍♀️

It doesn't have to be perfect, you know? Sometimes the most important thing is that it's said.

Xx-Kitten

[popculturebuffet]

Toons For Our Times: The Loud House: Strife of The Party/ Kernel of Truth

Lana plans her and Lola’s party with copius amonts of dirt and garabage while Lola tries sabotaging it and I struggle to figure out which one we’re supposed to be rooting for exactly.  Meanwhile Lincoln and Co find an abandoned news room and attempt to start their own news show with the immediate threat of cancelation hanging over their heads. You know like most shows on nick. Also Rusty gets hurt a lot which automatically makes this a winner. News Team Assemble, under the cut. 

Well this week was a mixed bag.. which granted could apply to this week as a whole but I meant it specifically for this episodes. Like last week one of them is a true classic that uses the series new status quo to create something intresting, and the other... is the worst episode i’ve reviwed so far. Yes not even one week and the show managed to go from having a boring episode to having a truly odious one. Both metaphorcially and literally as there’s a lot of grossout gags this time around. And unfortuantely since i’ts first in the pairing and the airing, I have to talk about it first. Pitter Patter, let’s get this over with. 

Strife of the Party I”m not exaggerating either. I admit I was hard on Schooled! and Family Bonding, but the former sitll had some good content and the latter was .. well it’s still a boring lazy retread with a bonkers ending, but I admitted to having seen worse. But “I’ve seen worse” is never the best defense. I’ll admit usually I avoided the worse episodes of the loud house. I haven’t seen some of the more infamous episodes of the show like “No Such Luck” or “Kings of the Con”.. because as just a viewer I could skip an episode if it sounded like toilet dinner. Sure i’ve still ran into them: “Study Muffin” was just eh when it aired but now both post me too and post chris savino being rightfully fired for being a harassing dickweasel thanks to said movement, it’s realy fucking creepy, has Lori at her worst (Actively trying to cheat on bobby), and .. I have no third thing. All we really got out of it was Lynn Sr’s obsession with the British. And “The Green House”’s reputation proceeds it and there’s a reason I couldn’t finish it. Point is i’ve been lucky to only step in a few cowpies in the field of this show, and now i’m watching it as it comes out i’m accepting the hard truth that with the show’s hit and miss quality, i’m going to have to go panning in shit creek some weeks if I want to find the nuggets of gold.  Now I will grant this episode doesn’t sound NEARLY as bad as “No Such Luck”.. but as opus would say....

Exactly my Pengy pal. Again not being worse than the worst episode of the show, still dosen’t make you a good episode. It just makes you marginally less terrible. It’s like saying Creed isn’t as bad as Nickelback. While tha’ts true they both still sound terrible, it’s just playing Creed isn’t a warcrime in some countries. And yes I just compared two episodes of a children’s show to bands my audience thankfully likely weren’t aware ever existed, I don’t care. If you haven’t left my blog running and screaming your either new here or tolerate me being an obscure weirdo.  

Before we get in proper, I haven’t covered the twins yet so let’s do that quick. I haven’t really watched a ton of Lola and Lana’s episodes, their not bad characters htey just don’t intrest me much as i’ve seen their gimmicks a lot, but I will say lola’s slightly better and I will say I like Lana more when she’s doing animal antics instead of grossout. Not terirble characters and their acted well, just not my cup of tea is all. Okay enough stalling , pitter patter!

We open with Lola planning the twins upcoming birthday and talking to her stuffed animals which is cute and all.. before a POSSUM CHESTBURSTS OUT OF LOLA’S UNICORN DOLL. 

The.. the fuck. Look i’m all for scaring the crap out of kids in children’s entertainment. I loved Courage the Cowardly dog as a kid and as a grown ass man writing about children’s entertainment. I love the lich from adventure time, i’m okay with scaring kids. But this is just.. a bit too realistic. Yes really. While  doll that size probably can’t fit a possum it could sure fit something else and i’ve seen stuffed animals big enough for a posssum, so yeah.. this could actually happen to one of my nieces and that thought terrifies me. It happening to me also terrifies me but I’m a grown man not a small child who’d be scarred for life. Christ.  The episode does get better, for a second I didn’t bitch for a few paragraphs for nothing. Lana comes in, claims the demon possum, and tells Lola she’ll fix the doll. Uh Lana i’m not sure she wants it back.. you’d be better off burning it and setting the possum free in a republican center’s home where it belongs. 

Anyways Lana has a good point, Lola’s been plannig their parties ‘since before they were born”.. literally as the image above shows which is just.. fucking amazing. I cannot belivie they got to go there and it’s glorious they did. I can’t think of many, if any, other chlidren’s cartoons that showed a fetus on screen so kudos. 

But yeah that was the one good moment of the episode. Next our twins go to a party suply store where Lola, clearly knowing the host well because these kids have connections, has her stash all the poop colored stuff away... which backfires as lana instead goes to the garbage for party favors and decorations. It fails to get better: Next they go to a bakery where Lana makes her own literal garbage cake and then go to flips for entertainment i.e. a bull. NOw i’ll grant both stops have good bits: The cake store guy asks if Lana’s a cop when she asks for grime and Flip has them sign a waver for the bull. And the bull being lana’s idea of entertainment makes sense.. but overal it just comes off as gross and mean spirited. I mean yes Lola’s about to do some terrible stuff herself and yes Lola ouvershadowed lana.. but she dosen’t deserve this abuse and none of this is healthy or tolerbale for.. well anyone, and could get the Loud Parents in serious trouble, which also leaves the obvious plot hole of “why don’t they step in in either situation. “ 

The episode would’ve made more snese if Lana went to them to get them to let her host the party and their guilt over letting Lola always do it means they don't’ reign her in despite wanting to. Instead their just.. there at the end for a great bit we’ll get to. It’s always the bad episodes that paint the loud parents as terrible parents honestly. No Suck Luck had them cast their son out into the cold over nonsense, On Thin Ice had Lynn Sr decide forcing his children to embarass themselves was more important than teaching one of them that maybe sometimes you don’t always get to force your family to obey your whims for dumb reasons, and the april fools eps have Lynn Sr so terrified of pranking retribution instead of you know.. GROUNDING Luann for going full joker on their asses. IN most episodes their kind and reasonable but it’s always the bad ones where they instead make Homer Simpson look like a good parent. 

But yeah my rant aside the episode COULD work if Lola, encouraged by one of her other siblings, Luann would be a good bet as she could easily slide into the party setting when appropriate without being too distracting, realizes she’s been selfish and tries to hold her tounge for lana’s sake. Maybe then she tries sabotage.. or better she DOSEN’T, but both of them realize something; Lola realizes she’s been doing this to lana their whole lives by forcing her into a party she doesn’t  like so LOLA can be happy while Lana realizes she’s being no better. Hell even if Lola did complain, which is in character, this plot woudl still work. instead.. Lana is just as bad as Lola while Lola is still pretty terrible.  See the big problem is that NEITHER girl is likeable. As I’ve made clear Lana pushes a gross, dangerous party on her sister she clearly doesn’t like, and Lola, instead of trying tot alk to her parents or get Lana to tone it down.. tries to guide her to what she wants, then when that fails sabotages the party, makes it so Lana has nothing and gets her party. Both sides are being really bad, but instead of them realizing this, lana is treated as the one we should be sympathetic to when she gets mad when she finds out about Lola even though NEITHER of them are sympathetic or likeable and deserve to win 100%. But Lana does, lana gets her way, Lola apologizes and hte paradigm just shifts from one sibling being unhappy to another. We do get that one gag I talked about where when lola goes to make things right she has Lynn Sr stall and he pulls out a cowbell “You thought I wasn’t going to need this”. No bud, Rita HOPE you wouldn’t need this. There’s a difference. Thank god it’s the end. 

Final Thoughts for Strife of the Party: They should be obvious but to be clear this is hippo excrement. i’ts not funny, it makes both it’s leads look bad, the parents look worse by inaction and  just isn’t pleasant ot watch. I do GET the show has a young audience, and they like grossout, I get i’m not the target demographic, so I probably would just be okay with a good version of this episode.. but even with that in mind both twins come off so unlikeable it’s just not fun to watch or to see Lana win as she didn’t feel like she earned it. It’s bad and it should feel bad, and i’ts the first truly odious episode i’ve had for weekly coverage. I’ve had okay or eh ones, but this one is truly bad and belongs in the pantheon of bad loud house episodes.. or at least in the honrable mentions. Good gravy this blew. 

Kernel of Truth

Okay now we’ve panned the gold nugget out of the crap creek, we can get on with the GOOD episode this week. I was excited for this one.. I was excited for both actually, even not being a huge fan of the twins I liked the idea of a loud birthday but as we just saw,.. didn’t work out so good. But this one while I thought it would just be average, promised another lincrew shenanigan and I like most of those i’ve seen, and plus I knew it’d allow me to refrence anchorman a bunch so i was llike :Fuck it let’s go”.. and this one ended up being REALLY damn good and probably one of the best episodes with this group i’ve seen, right up there with “Be Stella My Heart.” I’ts good stuff. But before we get into it you probably noticed my ranting about girl jordan but turns out, while I haven’t watched that episode, she’s in the sand field trip episode from last season hanging out with stella so I have an answer to if they forgot abotu her, they didn’t they just need to use her more, and a new ship so i’m satisfied and I apologize for bitching about it. Next time i’ll just check the wiki and see before I bitch about something. ON with the review. 

We open with our motely crew searching for a hidden Game Room rusty’s cousin claims exists, with Stellas as lookout and the guys.. er all in stacks that make it look like their doing a team up move from donkey kong country 2? 

I mean I have been playing the game a lot since it came to switch online, seriously if you have the service go play it, but i’m not hte only one seeing this right? Right.  So yeah the kid stack fails and Zach doubts Rusty’s story.. because when has rusty ever been right.. well apparently just this one time, but we’ll get to that. They even checked the boiler room. 

And then promptly vowed never to go back to the boiler room while Principal RAmierz just sighed at having to deal with a freddy kruger infestation again. They loose more children that way and the school board JUST got him out of the high school.  Liam also gets the line of the episodes when he calls the group “Fellas and Stellas” Which is just objectively amazing and needs to be used every time this group appares from now o. Luckily= Stella noticed another closed door, this one taped off instead of just with a keep out sign and the Fellas and Stellas make their way inside and find themselves in.. a news room! But it’s nto a fox news room so it actually had news in it once and not Tucker Carlson, the answer to what happens to an 80′s or 90′s yuppie scumbag villian after they fail to get the orphange paved over for condos

Anyway, our heroes alll ohhh and all while Zach thinks this is where children are harvested. Nah Zach they just call them up on the pa system.

So everyone does what’s natural to them: Zach and Liam inspect the cameras, Stella looks at the old mic because she’s a natural for being an on camera personality and Rusty.. oggles an old group shot of the news team. You know I may not hate him with the hatred of a hundred suns, but he’s still objectively the worst. Zach gets mad at him over it because “That’s my mom”. Rusty defends himself by calling her hot and while th. no please god no dont’ talk about women like that you creepy little weatherbeaten Chucky doll that somehow became a real boy, or had dustin diamond transfer his soul into it befrore he died. Either is possible. The point is Ewww. The other point is while Rusty’s being his usual living proof of while he’ll die alone Zach has no right to get upset , AT FIRST because how the hell would Rusty know that’s hsi mom. You two have the combined braincell of a dead feret. Stella is the only one out of all 6 of you evenmy boy liam who has more than one brain cell. This argument is stupid and I hate you both,  just settle things in the most humane way possible.. or at least THIS is what I consider the most humane way possible. 

So while those two are being as stupid as expected, Lincoln suggets fixing the place and becoming the new school news crew. I mean they’d need new equipment since even if the stuff there still works’ it’s all worn out 80′s tech none of you know how to use but given their seen with a modern camera later int he episode, I assume they just sold this off and got new cameras. Even if the show flopped, more on that in a minute, the principal could still use those for other projects so it’s a win win. Stella Zhau agrees.. and FINALLY has a last name. Like holy shit i’ve been waiting a full season for this and it feels like that bit was JUST to give her a last name. Now they just need to do Liam but still, I needed this one more. Plus it also means we can now firmly say she’s chinese. Neat!

So after that blockbuster reveal Stella wonders where Rusty is, because fuck if I know, and they all find him continuing to oggle zach’s mom at their age....

Zach snatches it away and crumples up understandably annoyed. Rusty’s response is about what you’d expect. 

So once Liam’s done throwing that calender into the school furnace, and saying hi to freddy as he passes the boiler on the way, our team heads to the principal to plead their case. They run into Meryl, the identical in personality, plot function and apperance outside of wearing pink instead of yellow to Cheryl, the receptionest at the elementary school who I really liked and it’s a clever way to keep the character at both schools and pays off the runnig gag of Cheryl asking liincoln or clyde who looks better her or her sister by having said sister show up and ask the same. Good stuff. 

Meryl ends up agreeing to let them go see the wizard, I mean Principal Rameriz, because her soap is on. Also clyde’s a fan to his friends blank stares. Come on guys he watches romance movies, of course he’s going to love drama shows, even the non teen ones. I now imagine he joins the loud sisters on their riverdale nights. Riverdale the clusterfuck that has something for all of them: Teen drama and shirtless hunks for Lori and Leni, Music and scantly clad “teens’ of both genders and neither gender for Luna, something to laugh at for Luann who probably loves mst3king stuff, and violence for Lucy.. dosen’t seem like it’d be Lynn’s thing honestly but I rest my case. Also the rest of the sisters are too young but the parents figure Lucy’s desentised enough to violence and blind enough to sex to make an exception. 

Now that fun headcanons out of the way our heroes pitch the principal whose skeptical, as the 80′s news show ended because it was boring, much like why that 80′s show ended. That and it was a bunch of 80′s pop culture refrences strung together. I do have a minor nitpick that it seems odd a school room would be in disuse for this long, but given the Principal has apparently spent years looking for aformetioned game room as we find out in the end, the school blueprints are apparnelty lost to the ages or if they exist are some sort of ancient treasure map buried beneath the school drawn in blood by an old witch. I mean this universe has cherry hating peach loving spies now, i’ not ruling anything out. 

But our heroes beg them: Clyde has journalism experince on the school paper, Stella has the dedication and heart and Rusty .. thinks people need to see his face on camera. Rusty as far as we know your face functions like the vdieo from the ring and everyone in school is going to die 7 days after seeing it on film. That’s my theroy and i’m sticking to it. Thankfully everyone else is just as annoyed with him as me for once, and we get the glorious shot above of everyone just looking.. done with his antics and wondering why they keep him around. Finally for once I agree iwth the characters on something rusty related. Let’s show that agian. 

Poetry. You can just feel the levels of “So done with this crap” seeping from every poor.. except for Poor Lincoln who just wishes his best friends and rusty woudl stop using him as furniture, and Liam whose covered but probably very much on team “Rusty Stop Being Yourself your blowing this for us”. They even have an action news pose.. which is botha dorable and breaks the principal’s bust of herself, so she relucntantly agrees to get them out of there. Plus as I said there’s really no loss for her here. If their sucessful the school gets a new elective, something to put on the tv’s every morning, a way to do announcments so she dosen’t have to, and free good publicity for her next bonus. If not.. then she has somehwere to store her new cameras she can use for other stuff, and come up with something else to do with the media lab. Either way she wins. Plus iwth phones and stuff noawaydays they only need the one new camera.  Okay before we move on confession time: I was on a school tv news show’s crew myself. Not in middle school, we werne’te that lucky but in high school we had video media, an elective where seniors edited news segments and what not for the school’s WhamTV program. I hope i’ts still around honestly. I started on a field crew doing stories but my awkardenss and a blow up at my partner where my awkward rage prone ass threatned him by accident, got me bumped to doing credits.. which I genuinely loved. I got to something fun, creative and unique, I was still part of hte intros every week, and I got plenty of time to goof off and watch videos. It’s how I found channel awesome and first got to watch atop the fourth wall since it wasn’t on youtube back then, back before you know, it turned out Doug was abusing all of them and younger me was just unaware of it. But it was still good times so this episode does feel a bit nostalgic for me. But enough teary eyed reminciings of ten years ago, back to the plot. Our heroes air their newscast. It’s the Middle School Action News with with your Anchors Lincoln Loud and Clyde McBride, Stella Zhao in the field, Rusty Spokes on Sports for.. some reason, Cameraman Liam Wedon’tknowhislastname and Zach Gurdle somewhere out of the way. Middle School Action News, always on, always free.. no wiat tha’ts pluto. Middle School Action News, Taste the rainbow. Middle School Action News.. The Good Guys Always Win, Even in The 80′s. Yeah that’ll do! 

But yeah while our heroes try their best, and to their credit this does feel like a middle school news show. The writers not our heroes. Anyways Lincoln and Clyde banter and we get our first segment Stella trying to interview mr. Bohlmer about his birthday.. which goes about as well as doing anything for him on ron swansons’ birthday. 

Next we have Rusty on sports.. which I questioned when I first say this but as obonxious as Rusty can be.. yeah this is the best place to have him. Stella has the drive and the talent to be their field reporter, Clyde and Lincoln have a lifelong report that does well for the desk, Liam is nice and patient enough for camera work, and Zach is a paranoid weirdo so he probably has experince editing since thats where I assume where he is since htey ddon’t do weather and even if they did Liam’s just not the right shade of oblivoiusly nuts. 

I do however at least get why they keep him around as Rusty needs someone to get fed up with him.. but as the above moment showed Clyde and Stella can do that easily, as can Lincoln, so he really has no functional purpose other than as a B-Grade dale gribble. ANd I know kids don’t know who that is but they frankly deserve better. Seriously Zach...

Okay getting back to the segement. For starters Rusty does a breath spray first.. but suprisingly despite interviewing a lady, specifically Lynn, he DOSEN’T hit on her and is actually professional and manages to get a quote despite her disintrest. LIke I know it’s the bare minimum but you’ve met rusty right? the Bare Minimum is hard for him to grasp. Earlier this episode he was oggling old pictures of his friends mom and saying he should take it as a compliment which, Hard No. So the fact hours later he’s talking to a woman without radiating creep after that is an achivment. For him and him alone mind you, most kids should know better. But still I may be hard on the kid, because DAMN is it fun and damn if he dosen’t give me plenty of joke fodder, but I will give him credit even if it’s the bare minmum. Good job rust you passed the very basic plateau of human decency. 

Stella wraps things up with a look at the cafteria that’s about what you’d expect from a kids cartoon, shoe int he beans etc. Unfortuantley bean shoes, sportz and angry assholes aren’t enough to float the show and the principal is ready to can it.  On hte bright side they have their first lawsuit from Mr. Bohlmer. I mean John Olvier idnd’t start getting sued by dickheads with no real case till he was 30, nicely done kids. And it’s not even why, it’s just boring and the kids aren’t enjoying it. So Stella, being again the one with her own brain cells here, proposes to let them find a big story, and Ramirez reluctantly but graciously agrees. And that’s why I like her so far. Don’t get me wrong having Steven Tobolowsky as principal was great, but I like Rameriz better: she’s smart, weary of the crap she puts up with and tough but fair.. which is a cliche btu fits here: She’ll be honest with her kids but will give them an honest chance and sees our news team really doees want this bad and her giving htem one more day to find something actally intresting is more than fair.  So our heroes spitball about what to do for news. LIam suggests alien because again he has about one character trait, so everyone tells him for hte last time no. I mean it isn’t much worse than his last suggestion. 

So once agian it’s RUSTY who saves the day, bringing in beet snacks.. which he tries to get them not to stone him over over the fact the popcorn was all gone.. which okay 1) I get the show’s tring to be healthy so maybe ther’es not chips, but I have a hard time buying that there’s no Chez Its, snack packs or other goodies between “Popcorn’ and “something with beetz that only two men would eat” For the record those two men are Dwight Schrute, for obvious reasons, and this guy my boy Tony Chu. 

I highly recommend this comic, Chew for the record, to anyone. Just.. anyone whose not a children it gets voilent, but it is sublime. We’re not here for that, but I thought i’d plug it. It also has a spinoff currently running, Chu, following his criminal sister. Also real good and dosen’t really spoil anything for hte main series thus far so you can hop in there instead. Either way your in for a ride.  Back on topic, while Rusty failed with snacks he actually brings up a good point: The popcorn isn’t just gone because it’s late in the school day, but because as the kids notice, it’s just missing in general despite the trucks arriving. They have their story and head out to investigate.  And suprisingly, unlike last week’s investigation they find something: A mysterious hooded figure bribing the driver for popcorn, and taking it off somewhere. They fail to catch her, as Rusty dives over her telling Liam to “Make sure you get this”.. he instead gets a shrub and video of him attacking a shrub. I’ts a good runner and shows the writers are leanring to use Rusty better.  They take the footage to the principal, who is impresssed, but states they need to find out who dun it for the story to be complete which is fair enough. They stalk out the nexxt delivery time later that night, but find the drivers have been switched and the mystery person has fled to canada. Rusty once again tries catching her and fall sin the water. Liam once again responds with a cheerful “Don’t worry rusty I got it”.. okay this dynamic is honestly better than him and Zach: Cheerful oblivious Liam and scheming dumbass rusty. Why isn’t THIS the “Those Two Guys” dynamic in the group, honestly. 

Anyways Lincoln is dispondent the next day as iwth no leads, they have no programa nd prepares to do a spider-man no more with his anchorsuit.. which okay 1) you can use that for other things man. Peter Parker can’t really use a spider-man suit for anything but spider-manning but you can use that suit for dates and dances and stuff. and 2).. whya re he and the clyde the only ones with outfits? I mean.. it’s clear from this episode there will be more school news stories nad it just looks weird that they get to play dressup in suits but the rest of the crew isn’t. Liam at leat is working the camera and Zach is Zach but rusty and Stella are field reporters. Field reporters, while not always, usually get nice suits too guys. 

ANyways Lincoln finds something in the garbage. And not his sister this time, as Lana oscar the grouched it up lat episode in sadness. Which to be fair will be her future career mark my words. At least I think that’s a career. Anyways, our heros find a ferry ticket meaning whoever fled to Canada is in the building. They trail some popcorn from the ticket to the locked door from earlier, which Rusty, finishing the rule of three, tries knocking it down hwile Liam gets it. Stella, again proving to be the real hero of this tale, uses her hair as a lockpick. Is.. is there anythign this child can’t do? She and Marcy should swap notes sometime damn. 

And the culprit is MERYL! She was using the popcorn for insulation to get a quite room to herself and begs the kids not to tell which. is the weaker part of the episode> We don’t have the investment in Meryl we do in Cheryl, and she did you know.. steal school property.. or at least buy it off under the table. But the kids being the sweet kids they are understandably, schemes or not don’t want her  to loose her job, and agree to not tell on her even if they loose their show. And to their creid and what keeps this from sinking the episode Meryl is genuinely greatful for this gesture, and gives them the scoop.  And as i’ve been mentioning turns out RUSTY WAS RIGHT. Yes Rusty. That Rusty. Was Right about something. The Game Room exists. They find it thorugh a hidden locker entrance and unlock it from the inside, with af lodo of viewers coming in. Granted at first I didn’t know why Meryl didn’t just use this room but then I thought “Oh yeah she’s a full grown adult and can’t fit in the entrance and i’m assuming it was locked from the other side to the rest of the school”. So the kids have a new hangout and as the principal joins them, they havea  show! Turns out she’d been looking for this place for years.. and doesn’t turn it into something else. What a legend. She plays Air Hockey with Meryl, is there something going on there or are my shipping goggles acting up.. probably both. Anyways our heroes have genuine thanks, a fun new hangout at school, their own headquarters and their own news show. It’s a heck of a day but it’s no time to rest as Rusty tells them he has another tip and i’ts off... to pick up a broom to sweep up the gumball machine they knock over.. THEN they can go find the hot tub for the teachers lounge. 

Final Thoughts:  OH me mow, this was a great one. For one the main complaint I had I mentioned at Schooled! of it not feeling like Lincoln’s friends were given enough personality sometimes? Gone enitrely. Everyone except Clyde and Zach get a moment and Clyde is still fully present and has gotten several focus episodes at this point, while Zach again should just leave already. But the rest of them? All on form. Stella continues to prove her competence, energy and adorability, Rusty is not only actually useful for once but was actually really funny his episode. The gag with Zach’s mom was actually pretty hilarious, my jabs at him aside, and the runner of him trying to do some epic stunt, telling Liam to film it and then humiliating himself while his pal cheerfully tells him he got it is just great and Lincoln’s Spider-Man no more moment with his suit was both said and kinda funny and I love him and Clyde’s reporter outfits. It’s why I wanted everyone to have them, especially since this will be a recurring theme and looks to be a fun one. It was fun, creative, and took me back a decade. It was a REALLY damn good one and I’m glad I watched this one first, a true highlight of the series and a true good sign that the season can, even with some hiccups, will apparnetly have some REALLY great episodes on average even with the weaker ones.  That’s it for this week... and somehow for loud house coverage as, for now, their doesn’t’t seem to be any new episodes in October, but that could change. Until then, follow this blog every Monday for regular ducktales coverage and come back in October for more loud house, more the Casagrandes  and some spooky spooky fun Until then, Go team venture. 

[little-witchys-cottage]

Something interesting about people who are making michelle grace rants.

Now this woman beat her two year old which is disgusting and horrible...

She is a piece of shit.

She's a terrible person who put her hands on a innocent toddler for being a toddler and getting into stuff.

If you have a shiny thing where a toddler can get it lets face it that toddler will get into it because it's pretty. It's what toddlers do. Because they are babies and they learn about stuff by touching stuff.

Lil baby wanted to be like mommy. So she tried putting on makeup like mommy and messed up her moms makeup. Like she's a two year old. She wanted to be like mommy.

This woman is horrid and should be beat for putting her hands on this baby.

Now you would think they would start out with maybe

" michelle grace is a youtuber and instagramer who beat her child "

Or

" this woman beat her child "

You know the horrible thing that she did....

but instead every video and rant that I have seen starts out with

" her pages are about crystals, spirituality, essential oils, spirit work."

They talk about her spiritual stuff first theeeeen the fact she beat her child...

they have to make a very very big point of almost acting like

" she's into all this weird spiritual stuff and she beat her child. "

Like... Why are you focusing on the fact she has crystals and talking about her believing spirituality?

WHEN YOU SHOULD BE TALKING ABOUT THE FACT SHE BEAT HER DAMN KID.

Also she didn't beat her kid over crystals or anything spiritual. She abused her child because her child got into a makeup palette she was gonna view.

They don't bring up the fact she's a CHILD beater or a makeup reviwer first no no they muuuuust to talk about the fact she likes crystals and believes in spirituality.

Like idk it just seems like they are trying to link crystals and spirituality to the fact she beat her child.. Because they only talk about her liking crystals and spiritual stuff then are like

" aaaaaand she beat her child "

Like legit they go at the beginner starts off talking about ger crystals and spiritual stuff or they do 2-5 minutes of talking about her crystals spiritual stuff then they are like

" and she beat her child."

Is it weird or am I just being weird??

[knightofbalance-13]

Too bad: Don’t want drama, don’t be a jackass. Same for everyone on the internet.

0:24 No no, there’s a ton of drama about hate being passed off as criticism. Actual critics of RWBY have gotten off scott free and the only ones being affected are you assholes who try to sell your snakeoil opinions as fact and critics who don’t want to be associated with you. And quite frankly: You deserve for the shit you spew.

0:34 Rant huh? (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DBUJ3RrkZhU) Not even a minute...and a good third of that was Miles giving people credit and leniancy. Your video is more of a rant than his, complete with whiny bitching and rambling.

0:46 No, Lord Fatass whined that he was getting called out. That isn’t a response anymore than...well, any response he makes to anyone who doesn’t agree with him.

0:55 Lord fatass has a Patreon and all he does is bullshit all the damn time about RWBY. Fuck, you even compare yourself to a cult leader in that screenshot. Cults are defined by being irrational and rabid with the leader encouraging such behavior. I don’t care what you say your relationship with RWBY is: Lord Fatass calls himself a fan. Your ACTIONS are what I care about you DEFINITELY act like a cult leader.

1:01 Not helping your case that you sound pissed about a video essentially saying ‘‘don’t hate on the creators.”

1:20 Oh, someone’s being disingenuous! Miles never discredited the fandom as a whole or even critics as a whole. He just said ‘I don’t like know it alls and haters.’ You just said that because if you told the truth, no one would listen to you.

1:26 Bull fucking shit. Critics are revered in fandoms and it’s usually the CREATORS that are given a bad name. A critic can shrug off criticism and ignore their own flaws and continue making the same mistake over and over again while if a creator so much as thinks about not gulping down shit, they’re seen as egotistical. You’re lying.

1:30 Lord Fatass literally lies about the show numerous times in his ‘reviews’ and you will outright lose your shit if someone doesn’t call Volumes 3-5 shit. Pretty safe to assume you hate RWBY.

1:34 Yes. And it is literally every single point I’ve figured out on my own just said worse mixed in with personal gripes trying to be passed off as criticism. It just feels like you looked up what other people said and parroted it back to disguise your bullshit as criticism.

1:48 Your Volume 5 review was you rambling about fight scenes. That’s it. You apparently have the patience of a goldfish. P.S. You are literally contradicting what you did in the video you linked because you flipped your shit at people who were saying they liked Volume 5. You’re only doing this to try and build credit.

2:04 So basically, let people be irredeemable assholes, making personal attacks on creators until said creators become so desensitized to criticism due to the abuse they suffered they stop trying to improve because you’re shit at your job and can’t handle being professional in any way. Here’s another saying: “Git Gud.”

2:08 Yes and let’s here about all those dirty commies and how ugly and nasty they are while we’re doing propaganda.

2:16 And flat earthers say that a round Earth doesn’t exist either. Doesn’t make it make it true!

2:25 But if you ordered a steak that was suppose to be undercooked or went to a place that only served undercooked steaks: You’re wrong for bitching about it. Hey look, I broke your lengthy analogy in it’s infancy in under two seconds. Should say something about your critical thinking skills.

2:29 yes but a media student would know WHY it sucked on an objective level while you just pass off subjective as fuck opinions are objective reasons why a show sucks. A chief would be able to know why something sucks anbd why it sucks for being that particular meal while a normal customer would bitch and moan because they ordered a dish and they didn’t like it. Also, this has nothing to do with constructive criticism and is just kind of out of place. Plus your analogy was kind of...short to be honest. You should have looked over your script before writing and thought about it. ... Hey look, I just CONSTRUCTIVELY criticized you. And all it took was NOT being a complete douchebag. Almost as though your skill in critiquing has next to nothing to do with constructive criticism and is instead about HOW you go about criticizing.

2:42 Cept this analogy doesn’t work either. PLENTY of people make calm, constructive reviews of the show, both positive and negative, explaining why the show does/doesn’t work. While the angry reviews basically boil down to ‘this Volume wasn’t made for ME.” So whose more right? The people who can explain why the dish does/doesn’t work as the type of dish it is or the people bitching about the type of dish it is or the flavor of the dish not being a flavor they like?

2:46 Cept they CHOOSE to waste their time and the show is FREE. You only pay to see it early, not to view the show. This is like bitching about mayo being on a sandwitch that was said to have mayo on it and the sandwitch was FREE. I broke that analogy by just looking at it funny.

2:50 Yeah and then they assault the chiefs, sending them hatemail and death threats, attempting to ruin their business through fake controversies, invoking the memory of the dead friend who made the recipe and general act as though they fed them PEOPLE. All while complain about how the dish was too sour when it was advertised as sour. You just keep getting worse and worse at this.

3:03 While the reviews say there were bugs in it (which there wasn’t), saying the dish gave people food poisoning (which it didn’t), the reviwers tried assaulting the chief for using a certain ingreident to the point he doesn’t want to cook and instead of the morning news, it was a recording of the chief just relieving stress with friends. Now you sound like a fucking sociopath.

3:09 I mean, Gordon Ramsey actually knows what eh is saying, in the British version of the show Gordon is a lot nicer and in turn is more well respected, Gordon actually tries to help and encourage the chiefs instead of belittling them and Gordon doesn’t try to force his way of cooking down their throats while attempting to make them quit cooking.

... Now YOU sound like one of those chiefs from Kitchen Nightmares.

3:18 No, you’re going to assault the chief and essentially harass him into becoming your slave. I do not care how pissed you are: You ‘critics’ of RWBY have used up all my sympathy for you. You have to now EARN it and boy oh howdy will it be a HERCULEAN task for that to happen.

3:26 And yet I can, despite not being an animator myself. Also, if you can’t tell what is wrong with a dish then why should the chief listen to you when you could just be a whiny bitch? Also also: Miles is a WRITER and by virtue of making a script for this video, you are a writer. You have no excuses.

And finally: that’s actually a rather adept analogy with Yelp. Because yelp is FULL of people who will us either status as ‘critics’ to harass and bully restaurants into doing what they want. You wanna know what you are? You’re Cartman from the episode “You’re not Yelping!” And we all know how THAT ended (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pDlR_ccnZww)/ Fuck, I’ll make a RWDE version after this.

3:35 funny because that isn’t what constructive criticism is because it’s more akin to ‘this is how you should do this for these reasons’ and what he described is what YOU people do.

3:39 ... But you can help them. You’re just too lazy.

3:51 But you guys DON’T and in fact when people bring evidence of YOUR fuck ups, you’ll whine and moan and ignore it. See, that’s the biggest irony here. Miles is essentially being YOUR critic and you are acting EXACTLY as you perceive him to be. It’s like if a student came to teacher for help and all the teacher did was scream in his face and slap him.

4:03 But you will call the steak shit by saying it was cooked exactly as advertised and you didn’t want that despite nit letting them know otherwise. Also the steak was free.

4:08 And I can say you’re full of shit. Doesn’t make either one of us right. Except i can say WHY you’re full of shit and you can’t explain jackshit.

4:19 No but they’d give it a fair chance and move on if they don’t like it for personal reasons. Now forcing your opinion onto everyone else: THAT’S a hater move.

4:21 No you’re not. Your actions say otherwise.

4:28 You’re not the audience. You’ve made that abundantly clear. You’re like a chicken fan bitching about how a steak doesn’t taste like chicken.

4:37 Name one person and no, Shane doesn’t count. And even then, Shane even admits he was probably being biased.

4:42 Well, when you blow things out of proportion to ATTACK Miles, that would be the case...except if anything, they’re toning it down.

4:54 That’s fucking rich. Not only was Miles NOT talking about critics in general but HE was defending himself from YOU PEOPLE. And he’s ONE person when you’re fucking DOZENS.

5:06 And Miles shouldn’t have to grovel and beg for forgiveness. This is just your shit coming back at you. I do not care.

5:13 Cept that;s your JOB as a critic. Don't wanna do it? Stop calling yourself a critic.

5:22 yet here you are, fearmongering that Miles is gonna annihilate your poor defenseless critics in an age where critics are treated as infallible gods.

5:32 ... So you’re basically affirming what Miles said, that you don’t know what you are talking about. ... You just beat yourself.

5:43 Says the man who says ‘the customer is always right’ unironically.

5:51 ... Miles outright hates working on RWBY because of you. He is scared shitless of what people will do to him if Jaune gets any scenes. A Camp Camp blog got mistaken for Miles and was harassed to the point of leaving because of it. I’ve seen Miles’ life being threatened on this very site. ... Fuck you.

6:11 Yet when that happens for hating on RWBY and making Miles’ life a living hell, it’s A-Okay! ... You’re just fucking salty people aren’t listening to your shit and calling you out.

6:21 This is gonna be GOOD.

6:25 Cept he is in the UK and actually reviews food instead of screaming. Hell, even in kitchen nightmares he doesn’t insult anyone. That’s just Hell’s Kitchen, which is basically cooking Jerry Springer. Congratsm you're Jerry Springer.

6:36 Cept you gave the hatedom every fucking excuse to hate on Miles and make his life hell while parroting their points while also categorizing anyone who disagrees with you a fanboy.

6:52 ‘I’m not calling you out! ... But here's me calling you out indirectly like a pussy!’

6:57 And guess what? Most of RT’s fans have heard ENOUGH of YOU. And unlike YOU, they have an actual reason while you just wanna protect your ego.

My final thoughts? I don’t care how tired you are of it, you fucking deserve every last bit of this. You wanna be a total jackass? FIne, you can get hate for it Wanna be a hypocrite? Get hate for it. Wanna encourage harassment and hatred? Get fucking hate for it.

I do not care. You have lost ALL sympathy from me.

[moonttaeil]

OMG OMG ASDFGHJKL I MALFUNCTIONED WHEN I OPENED TUMBLR YOU DO NOT EVEN KNOW !!!! AAAAAAKKKKKKKK I WILL CRYYYYYYYYYY OMGGGGGG THIS WILL BE MY BED-TIME STORY IN A FEW MINUTESSSSS OMGGGFFF I PROMISE YOU I WILL GIVE YOU A DETAILEDD RESPONSE AFTER READING IT! YOU DO NOT KNOW HOW MUCH I LOVE PERIOD AUs I LOVE THEM SO MUCH BUT THEY ARE VERY RARRRRRRRREEEE AND THE FACT THAT ONE OF MY FAVORITE WRITERS WROTE IT IS JUST AMAZING AND PERFECT! You know how much I was excited for it !! Thank you so much for all your efforts I promise It will not go to waste, hehe sorry for the huge rant but beware of my fangirling after reading it ..... hehe ..... 🤍 love ya girl

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AAAAAAAH BABY I HOPE IT MEETS YOUR EXPRCTATIONS YOUVE ALSO HELPED ME WRITE IT IM SO EXCITED FOR YOU TO READ IT OMG OMG ILL BE WAITING FOR YOUR REVIW !! 🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍