#ran into somebody i talked to about career stuff once and they remembered me and said our talk had been helpful

[jumping-jackalope]

its just so crazy to be faced with the proof that people think about you even while you are not around

[just-my-type-x]

Love Again part 1 - Brad Simpson

Sorry for this being sooo long

It’s been a while since i’ve known Brad. We met in high school, i was a sophomore and he was a freshman. I always mocked him for being younger than me, even tho the age gap is just a few months. I think i have  always been in love with Brad. Not neceserily from the moment i met him, but i knew he was going to cause some trouble in my life, since i was already in a relationship for a year at that point and somehow i felt that my relationship would become a target to my own feelings. I didn’t believe myself then that i am faithful enough to go through a friendship with him while having someone already and i was right. Don’t think i cheated on my boyfriend, because phisically, i couldn’t and i wouldn’t. Never. Sometimes, your thoughts are the ones that cheat for you and that should be enough for you to realize it’s not ok to do that to anybody. Of course, before all this, Brad and i were super flirty, we would look at each other across the hallway and try to look uninterested, but we would both find ourselves walking towards one another and we would stop midway to say hello, hug really tightly. Some days he would pass me by and all of a sudden he would kiss my cheek and drag me down the hallway to go outside with him and our friends. Little things like these made my heart go wild for him. I ended up in a place where i didn’t know what i wanted to do with my life.

When i found my courage, i broke up with my boyfriend, but i knew karma had it coming. I was finally ready to tell Brad everything about my feelings, but that’s when i also found out that he got a girlfriend. Little pieces broke from my soul and i told myself that i don’t need him, either as my friend or my boyfriend.

Months passed by and we became really close all of a sudden, and one summer, he just showed up at my doorway, with flowers, confessing how much he cares about me and how much he thought of us getting together. I accepted his request to be his girlfriend, even if i knew how long he will be gone from home, since he already started the band.

2 years went by and things were going really great,until social media helped me figure out my “destiny” with Mr. Simpson. He was photographed with a girl holding hands in a park, then at dinner and then they were spotted kissing in his car. I set those pictures to him and asked him nicely not to talk to me ever again. I was broken. All those memories made with Brad became insignificant and disappeared as i was looking at those photos again and again.

Now, 2 years later, the boys asked me to come on tour with them for a few shows in England, since i started a singing career as well. I stayed friends with them and chatted almost every night. I even started to talk to Brad every once in a while, when i would facetime one of the boys. It didn’t hurt to see him as much as i thought. Maybe i was healed and recovered. 

“Heeeey bestie”, Tristan yelled when i got out of the uber’s car. I ran towards him, leaving my suitcases in the middle of the parking lot,anf i jumped in his arms, him lifting me up and stopping my breathe because of how tight the hug was. I saw then James and Connor and they did the same as Tristan. I told them how much i missed them and that we needed to hang out together a lot more. Brad appeared in the parking lot and my heart sank a little. He looked so good in his shirt and with his glasses on and i remembered how deeply in love i was with this man in front of me. He was walking up to us and i could see the boys tense up and become awkward next to me. I didn’t hesitate and i ran towards Brad and jumped in his arms. He was surprised, but he picked me up and inhaled my scent. I did the same, tears blurring my view, but i sent them away.

“I missed you a lot, asshole”, i told him and i smiled still hugging him. I coulf feel a small smile on his face too. 

“I deserved the nickname. I missed you like crazy and you have no idea how sorry i am”, he broke the hug and i looked at him. He had red eyes and i wondered if he slept at all the night before.

“It’s in the past. I knew we should’ve stayed best friends”, i laughed and my own sentence broke me. The forming tears stung my eyes, but they went away when the guys and Joe joined us.

“It’s good, you’re both alive and you don’t seem angry. I think Connor lost the bet, we’re getting them out alive from the first concert”, Joe laughed and i joined when i saw Connor shake his head and take out of his wallet 100 pounds.

“If that’s on how much money you  bet, you should’ve done it with me. I could make sure i won those 100.”, i said and Brad kicked me in the arm softly, but he let out a giggle.

We went into the venue and saw how amazing the stage was decorated. I could feel goosebumps, thinking about the upcoming show. I went backstage with the boys and ate together, while rehearsing a few songs with the guitars. It felt weird being around the person i loved the most, but i also needed to be around him to realize the world hasn’t ended, that he can still be my friend.

I was now alone in my dressing room, when Joe entered and we smiled at each other. 

“How are you feeling?”, he asked and i sat down next to him on the leather couch.

“Surprisingly good. It didn’t hurt that much, we are ok, i guess things will go great this tour.”, i smiled,but the regret was screaming loudly in my voice. It was noticeable enough for Joe, who looked down to the setlist.

“Would you be confortable singing Would you with them on stage?’‘

With no warning whatsover, Joe asked me and i felt my heart dropto the floor. Would You was the song that reminded me the most about everything that went on after the break up. Fans also had theories that the lyrics were about me, but i never wanted to accept that somebody else thought the same thing as me.

“Brad asked me if you’re willing to do this”, he continued and his voice woke me up from the memory lane.

“Uhm what?”

“He said he wants to make it up to you and since you know the song talks about your relationship.. Maybe it will set things right”

“This song will never set things right for us. I’m not singing something that talks about uncertainity regarding my feelings about him being out of my life, or the wonder regarding the moments i talk about him with family or friends.”, i raised my voice and kept walking around the room. “This song has nothing to do with us or make us great again because even now, i cry when i talk about him. I cry every time i end a facetime call and he comes to the phone for 2 minutes to ask me how i am and all this stupid stuff.”, i start crying and Joe comes to hug me. I embrace him tightly and i see Brad in the doorway, with tears in his eyes and looking down at his fingers when he meets my eyes.

“I’m sorry, it was a mistake”, Brad said and i let Joe go

“Yeah, i know. Was coming on tour with you also your mistake?”

He hesitates and i look disappointed towards Joe. “I’m not here because i sing amazing and i’m in top 10 Billboard top 100, i’m here because Brad is lonely”

I look towards Brad and i see him frown as he's walking up to me. I take a step back when he comes a little too close to me.

“I made a mistake doing that to you but i never got over you. I couldn’t forget you. I swear i never stopped loving you.” Brad was crying and i was too, but i was angry, not sad.

“You never loved me, Bradley. You never..”, my voice cracked and i became feeling really dizzy, so i grabbed my phone and i left the room, walking far away from Brad.

Outside, thousands of girls were waiting to get into the venue. I hid my face so they wouldn’t see me cry and i went to the parking lot where nobody could see me.

“No duet tonight. I’m sorry”, i texted Joe and started balling my eyes out.

“Don’t be, it’s not your fault”

Sooo hi, i tried making something. If you want part 2, like this post, because i really wanted to write something. Love you, guys.

[stereostevie]

‘Exuma’ at 50: How a Bahamian Artist Channeled Island Culture Into a Strange Sonic Ritual by Brenna Ehrlich

The performer known as Exuma channeled his Bahamian heritage into a captivating 1970 debut. Fans and participants look back.

Chances are, you’ve never heard a boast track quite like “Exuma, the Obeah Man,” the opening song off Exuma’s self-titled 1970 album.

A wolf howls, frogs count off a ramshackle symphony, bells jingle, drums palpitate, a zombie exhales, all by way of introducing the one-of-a-kind Bahamian performer, born Tony Mackey: “I came down on a lightning bolt/Nine months in my mama’s belly,” he proclaims. “When I was born, the midwife/Screamed and shout/I had fire and brimstone/Coming out of my mouth/I’m Exuma, the Obeah Man.”

“[Obeah] was with my grandfather, with my father, with my mother, with my uncles who taught me,” Mackey said in a 1970 interview, referring to the spiritual practice he grew up with in the Bahamas. “It has been my religion in the vein that everyone has grown up with some sort of religion, a cult that was taught. Christianity is like good and evil. God is both. He unlocked the secrets to Moses, good and evil, so Moses could help the children of Israel. It’s the same thing, the whole completeness — the Obeah Man, spirits of air.”

The music world is hardly devoid of gimmicks, alter egos, and adopted personas. But Mackey’s Exuma moniker, borrowed from the name of an island district in the Bahamas, was never just that — he lived and breathed his culture, channeling it into a debut album so singularly weird, wonderful, and enchanted that it’s not surprising it’s remembered only by the most industrious of crate-diggers. A cuddly Dr. John dabbling in voodoo Mackey was not; Exuma is a parade, a séance, a condemnation of racist evils.

“The eccentricity of [Dr. John’s 1968 debut] Gris-Gris is, like, ‘Let’s roll a fat joint,'” says Okkervil River frontman and devout Exuma fan Will Sheff. “The eccentricity of Exuma is more like PCP.” Sheff became hip to Exuma when his former bandmate Jonathan Meiburg (singer-guitarist of Shearwater) happened to hear “Obeah Woman,” Nina Simone’s 1974 spin on “Obeah Man.” Sheff was entranced by Exuma’s debut, especially the sincerity of its lyrics and Mackey’s whole-hearted earnestness. “There’s something about when somebody is very devoutly religious, where you trust them not to sell you something,” he tells Rolling Stone. “I mean, they may be trying to sell you their religious beliefs, but their religious beliefs are so vitally important to them that they kind of stop trying to sell themselves.”

“He was unique. He was good,” says Quint Davis, producer of the New Orleans Jazz and Heritage Festival, where Exuma became a mainstay later in his career. “He was like a voodoo Richie Havens or something.”

Macfarlane Gregory Anthony Mackey grew up in Nassau, Bahamas, steeped in both Bahamian history and American culture. Each Boxing Day, he witnessed Junkanoo parades — a tradition dating back hundreds of years and commemorating days when slaves finally had time off — replete with music, masks, and folklore. At the movies, accessed with pocket money earned from selling fish on weekends, he saw performances by Sam Cooke and Fats Domino.

“Saying the word ‘Junkanoo’ to most Bahamians gets their hearts beating faster and their breathing gets shorter and faster,” Langston Longley, leader of Bahamas Junkanoo Revue, has said. “It’s hard to express in words because it’s a feeling, a spirit that’s evoked within from the sound of a goatskin drum, a cowbell, or a bugle.”

“I grew up a roots person, someone knowing about the bush and the herbs and the spiritual realm,” Mackey told Wavelength in 1981 of his life back home. “It was inbred into all of us. Just like for people growing up in the lowlands of Delta Country or places like Africa.”

In 1961, when he was 17, Mackey moved to New York’s Greenwich Village to become an architect, according to a 1970 interview, but he abandoned that dream when he ran out of money. He then acquired a junked-up guitar on which he practiced Bahamian calypsos and penned songs about his home. “I started playing around when Bob Dylan, Richie Havens, Peter, Paul, and Mary, Richard Pryor, Hendrix, and Streisand were all down there, too, hanging out and performing at the Cafe Bizarre,” Mackey recalled in 1994. “I’d been singing down there, and we’d all been exchanging ideas and stuff. Then one time a producer came up to me and said he was very interested in recording some of my original songs, but he said that I needed a vehicle. I remembered the Obeah Man from my childhood — he’s the one with the colorful robes who would deal with the elements and the moonrise, the clouds, and the vibrations of the earth. So, I decided to call myself Exuma, the Obeah Man.”

Mackey’s manager, Bob Wyld, helped him form a band to record his debut album, including Wyld’s client Peppy Castro of the Blues Magoos. “It was like acting. Like, ‘OK, I’ll take a little alias, I’ll be Spy Boy,’ and all this kind of stuff,” Castro tells Rolling Stone. All the members of Mackey’s band adopted stage names, which wasn’t that strange to Castro, who originated the role of Berger in the Broadway show Hair.

“Then I met Tony and then I got into the folklore and I started to see what he was about — this history of coming from the [Bahamas],” he adds. “It was great. It was inventive. We would do a little Junkanoo parade from out of the dressing room, right up to the stage. It was about the show of it all. Coming from somebody who wanted to learn music in a more traditional form, that was kind of cool.”

The band recorded Exuma at Bob Liftin’s Regent Sound Studios in New York City — where the Rolling Stones, Jimi Hendrix, and Elton John also laid down tracks — giving the bizarre record a slick sheen. Mackey once said that the music came to him in a dream, and he set the mood in the studio accordingly. “It was so free form. We turned the lights out, we’d put up candles, he’d get on a mic and he’d just start going off and singing crazy stuff and we followed it,” Castro says. “You would go into trances. In those days, I was a little hippie, so yeah, we’d be smoking weed there and getting high. It became a séance almost. It was like, ‘We’re going into this mode and we’re going to see where it takes us.’”

“There were no boundaries with Tony,” he adds. “It was free for him. It’s kind of like what people felt like when they played with Chuck Berry. If you talk to any of the musicians who played with Chuck Berry, you just had to be on your toes because he would change keys in the middle of the song. But there was also the spiritual stuff, you know, just the crazy voodoo-ish stuff. It was just so free for him.”

Everyone Rolling Stone talked with for this story compared Mackey to Richie Havens, but the similarities only really extend to, perhaps, Havens’ role in the Greenwich Village scene and the rich quality of his voice. “You can put on Dr. John and Richie Havens and water the plants. It’s good background music,” Will Sheff says. “But if [Exuma’s] ‘Séance in the Sixth Fret’ comes on shuffle, you’re going to skip it. It’s active listening; it sends a chill down your spine.”

Exuma is a kind of aural movie — fitting, as Mackey went on to write plays — that starts off boastful and proud with “Obeah Man” then descends into darker territory. The second track, “Dambala,” is a melodic damnation of slave owners: “You slavers will know/What it’s like to be a slave,” Mackey wails, “You’ll remain in your graves/With the stench and the smell.”

“It reminds me of Jordan Peele movies — movies that deal with sort of the black experience, a collective trauma,” Sheff says of the song. “He’s cursing a slaver and there’s something so intensely powerful about that.”

Then there’s zombie ode “Mama Loi, Papa Loi,” a frankly terrifying story of men rising from the dead, featuring guttural yelps and groans. “Jingo, Jingo he ain’t dead/He can see from the back of his head,” Mackey sings. That leads into the comparatively peppy “Junkanoo,” an instrumental that recalls the parades of the musician’s youth. Things get dark again with “Séance in the Sixth Fret,” which is just that — a yearning ritual in which the band calls to a litany of spirits. “Hand on quill/Hand on pencil/Hand on pen/Tell me spirit/Tell me when,” Mackey intones. The more accessible “You Don’t Know What’s Going On,” follows, leading into epic prophecy “The Vision,” which foretells the end of the world: “And all the dead walking throughout the land/Whispering, Whispering, it was judgment day.”

The strange, gorgeous record was released on Mercury Records, and at the time, the label had high hopes for its success, as it was apparently getting solid radio play. “The reaction is that of a heavy, big-numbers contemporary album,” Mercury exec Lou Simon said at the time. “As a result, we’re going to give it all the merchandising support we can muster.” But the album apparently failed to break through, and Mackey left Mercury in 1971 after releasing Exuma II. His legacy lived on in the corners of popular culture: Nina Simone covered “Dambala” as well as “Obeah Man,” with both tracks appearing on It Is Finished, a 1974 LP that failed to take off. Mackey himself went on to drop still more albums but mostly operated in a quiet kind of obscurity.

“What he didn’t have was the commercial base, you know, the formula,” Castro says by way of explanation. “Let’s face it, the music business is very fickle and it boxes you in. And if you’re going to join that world, it’s in your best interest to commercialize yourself and to come up with a formula that works. He didn’t have that formula.”

Mackey did find a home, though, at the newly minted New Orleans Jazz and Heritage Festival in 1978, an atmosphere that seemed more in keeping with his spiritual aesthetic than mainstream radio. “New Orleans is the most receptive place in the world to the artist, this music spirit that flies around in the air all the time waiting to be reborn and reborn,” he told Wavelength in 1981.

“He was a Caribbean Dr. John, so to speak,” festival producer Davis says. “When I heard [his album], I said, ‘Well, that’s us.’ This guy with feathers on his head, his big hat. Everybody loved him and he became part of the festival family.”

“I think he was the first Caribbean act that we had,” Davis adds. “I hesitate to say that he was a trailblazer because there weren’t a lot of people following in his footsteps.”

[coppicefics]

Masked Omens: Week Five

[Image Description: Image 1 - A simple rendition of the Masked Singer UK logo, a golden mask with colourful fragments flying off of it. The mask has a golden halo and a golden devil tail protruding from either side. Below, gold text reads ‘Masked Omens’. 

Image 2 - A page from the Entertainment section of the Capital Herald, dated Saturday, 23rd January 2021. Full image description and transcript below cut. End ID.]

Read the fic here!

The Capital Herald - Saturday, 23rd January 2021 Entertainment, page 15

Top section: Stream of Consciousness: Shows To Make You Think A whole host of great documentaries, old and new, have just been added to streaming services Who doesn't love a good documentary? You can learn all sorts of things, and you don't have to do any of the research for yourself. Over the last couple of weeks, loads of people seem to have been tuning into the wealth of documentaries available on various streaming services; here are a few I particularly enjoyed. Green Planet (2020) is not your standard nature documentary; while there are some extremely cute shots of animals (including gorillas, whales, and giant squid) the main focus is on sustainable practices people are experimenting with in all sorts of industries and contexts, and the way they allow local wildlife to flourish. It's thought-provoking stuff. We're As Folk (2019) takes a look at the contemporary folk movement, interviewing figures from the second British revival right through to the present day; contributors include Seth Lakeman, Frank Turner, Anathema and Bellowhead. With folk-festival anecdotes aplenty, the documentary explores the intricacies of the genre and culminates in all the contributors performing a once-in-a-lifetime rendition of 'She Moved Through The Fair'. Gadget If You Can (2015) might be a little outdated now, but that's what makes it such a compelling watch. From watches that tell the time in 21 capital cities concurrently to hoverboards that actually, well, hover, this is a fascinating look at the new devices that seemed to be just on the horizon when it was released more than five years ago. Some have since appeared; some remain pipedreams. All are interesting! Making Fast Friends (2012) is the oldest documentary on this list, and the narrowest in scope. It was released alongside the SEGA charity single 'Fast Friends' and gives us a behind the scenes look at what happened when Sonic the Hedgehog teamed up with a whole bunch of children's TV presenters to make the record. Although largely factual in nature, it does also feature animated 'interviews' with Sonic and Knuckles, so it's entirely suitable for watching with your family. And P-White fans, in particular, will not want to miss this a second time around. A War Without War (2021), by contrast, is both up-to-the-minute and extremely disturbing to watch. It is composed of a mixture of expert analysis of the situation developing on the ground in Celestan and grim footage allegedly smuggled out of the country by fleeing residents. Moreover, with more episodes promised, it forces the viewer to acknowledge what is happening as the country breaks apart, and asks us the difficult question: can you have a war without war? Dinosaurs: The Punchline (2013) is frequently mistaken for a mockumentary thanks to its tongue-in-cheek title. It is, in fact, a thoughtful exploration of how religious groups respond to apparent conflicts between scientific facts and the tenets of their faith. Without shying away from the realities of science as we know it, this film takes a surprisingly sensitive approach to investigating how science and religion intersect in the modern world. By The Numbers (2018) looks back at the history of the televised National Lottery, along with its competitors on other channels and the entertainment chosen to appear directly after it. Featuring clips and interviews with stars from Marjorie Potts aka Telepathic Tracy, whose show aired after the draw for over a decade, to Marvin O. Bagman, whose sports-based quiz show had, at the time of the documentary’s release, the corresponding Channel 4 slot. It’s not groundbreaking, but it is very entertaining. CITRON DEUX-CHEVAL Have I missed any amazing documentaries you think I should be talking about? Drop me an email at entertainment@capitalherald.co.uk or leave a comment on our website and I might feature your recommendations in a future issue.

Centre left: Memory Lane: Kilcridhe Now there’s a vicar I’d have loved to meet at the altar Ask any male-attracted person of a certain age – well, my age and up, really – if they remember Kilcridhe, and you'll be met with flushed cheeks and a glassy expression. We remember Kilcridhe, all right – or perhaps it would be fairer to say that we remember Father Jacob MacCleod. It's hard to believe that heartthrob Jacob was Anthony Crowley's first major role on television, and harder still to believe that he was also one of his last. The show ran for only two six-episode series, between 2005 and 2006, but in those twelve hours I think it's fair to say a fair few of us fell irrevocably in love. Kilcridhe was named for the fictitious Scottish village where it was set, and largely revolved around the goings-on of the local church and its new minister. Much of the series' drama centred around Father MacCleod's ongoing attempts to fill the pews, which saw him trying everything from hosting a bake sale – for which he ended up baking everything himself – to arranging a community talent show, with predictably bizarre results. But during the course of these adventures, each episode also introduced us to one or more of Kilcridhe's residents. We got a glimpse into the little struggles and joys of their lives – most of which quickly became Jacob's struggles and joys, too. My main memory of this show is that it was pretty. Not just Jacob, but everything about it, from the location they chose for the exterior shots, to the tone added in post-production; everything was just slightly more saturated and colourful than real life, not enough to be jarring but enough to give the whole thing a strangely dreamlike feel. In fact, as Jacob remarked as he prepared to leave for Edinburgh at the end of series one (not knowing if he would return or if the show would be cancelled), “leaving [Kilcridhe] feels like waking from a dream, like going back to reality somehow”. It was, perhaps, for the best that Kilcridhe was cancelled after only two series. Shows originally envisioned as limited series rarely keep their charm past a second extension, and the central actor was to encounter personal problems not long after the end of the show. That's not to say that a revival couldn't work, perhaps with a completely new protagonist. But Father Jacob MacCleod lives on in the hearts of his many fans, smiling that enigmatic smile of his, and when that's not enough, there's always online fanfiction. So much fanfiction. SARAH JEUNE Memory Lane is our regular feature, looking back at the books, shows and films of yesteryear through a nostalgic lens. Do you miss something you’d like to see featured? Just send the show name (plus channel and airdates if you know them) in an email to: memorylane@capitalherald.co.uk - your prayers might just be answered!

Centre right: Correspondent’s Corner Stop talking about it Anathema is making waves again as she does the talk-show circuit to promote her new album, Narrative Devices. It's a very pretty album from a very lovely girl, but she does keep getting hung up on one point. Every time somebody describes her music as country, she interrupts to tell them it's folk. Well, I'm no music expert, but even I know that folk is a very European genre, and the United States' equivalent is country, or country and western music, to give it its full name, and to continue to argue to the contrary is simply courting controversy for controversy's sake. It is unbecoming of a young lady – even, or perhaps especially, a young lady with Anathema's obvious talent – to continue to argue with her elders on the subject, and even to correct the likes of Graham Norton and Giles Brandreth. These sage bastions of broadcasting deserve more respect, and they couldn't be more gracious in accepting their 'mistake'. But surely a young musician in the first flush of success should take the time to learn about what she's actually doing? It doesn't seem very much to ask. It’s not entirely her fault, of course; the youth of today are given far too much freedom by their parents and, on top of that, are often propelled to disproportionate success with no chance to prepare for it. Is it any wonder that it all goes to their heads? But there is no excuse for not making an effort to keep their egos in check and defer to their betters on matters of terminology and best practice. Naturally, we all hope that Anathema will enjoy a long and successful career making the music she enjoys the most and , more importantly, music we can all enjoy too. And I also hope that she will, eventually, acquire the humility so rarely found in young people these days and accept that she does not always know best. If she listens to the counsel of older and wiser heads than hers, she might even learn something. ANDY SANDALPHON What can’t they do? If there's one thing that's becoming apparent with every passing week of The Masked Singer UK, it's that celebrities are no longer to content to stay in their lane. No, these multi-talented marvels seem determined to push themselves to the limit in every possible field. So far, we’ve seen sergeants become singers, rugby players become rockers, doctors become divas and authors become, er, audible. And with weeks still to go in this competition, we still have eight masked celebrities to guess. Eight people whose day jobs probably don’t include getting on stage and belting out pop standards are still waiting to impress us with talents that aren’t even their thing. I mean, if I could sing and dance like the contestants on the show, you can bet your life I’d be making a living from it. It would be my number one talent, and I’d be rubbish at anything else, because most of us only get one main skill. Not these jammy gits, though. For them, this is a sideline. It's not just The Masked Singer, of course – from proving their talent for trivia on Pointless Celebrities and their wordplay wisdom on Celebrity Catchphrase to demonstrating their culinary qualities on Celebrity Masterchef and The Great Celebrity Bake Off, it seems that wherever you look someone is adding a new string to their bow. Being a phenomenally talented actor, singer, or footballer is all well and good, but more and more stars are now keen to show us that they really can do anything and everything. And why shouldn't they? It's phenomenally entertaining television to watch. And for those of us who sometimes feel inadequate compared to our famous idols, it can be very reassuring to watch, for example, a comedian weeping into his cupcake mix on Bake Off or an Oscar nominee fall on her face on Dancing On Ice. When they do well, it's amazing; when they do badly, it's life-affirming. That said, I've been blown away by the talent of the contestants on The Masked Singer this series. It's so inspirational, in fact, that I might take up watercolours. EDWARD BIGGS Bottom right (in blue box): Citron’s Quick Picks Fast favourites from Citron Deux-Cheval Look: Sea Change by Hastur LaVista There's never been a journey to to the top quite like P-White's. This authorised biography charts a course from children's presenter to global superstar through interviews, pictures and anecdotes. While the research sometimes seems a little slapdash, the story at the heart of the book is more than interesting enough to hold it together. And since it's authorised, Maputi themself has contributed plenty of private insights and observations. [Image description: A book, its cover featuring a blue-green gradient with black, dripping lines spilling across it. The title reads ‘Sea Change’. End ID.] Listen: Narrative Devices by Anathema Anathema's first album was well-received both within the folk community and beyond it. Now her second album, backed up by an obvious increase in resources, looks set to enjoy similar mainstream success, and deservedly so. The theme this time seems to be the act of telling stories, but it's also a story in itself. You'll have heard the singles, but it takes on new meaning when you play it in order! [Image description: An album cover featuring hands holding a book. The words “Anathema” and “Narrative Devices” are printed on it. End ID.] Laugh: Newtral Stance by AutoTuna on YouTube It's not the first time beleaguered commentator Newton Pulsifer has had his words edited into a supercut. It's not even the first time his frequent disagreements with the VAR have been autotuned – including by YouTube user AutoTuna. But this new edition adds an extra dimension in the form of a flat, robotic voice duetting – and duelling – with the frustrated human, taking the hilarity to a whole new level! [Image description: A screenshot of a young woman wearing a call centre headset (specifically, the woman who cold-calls Crowley in Good Omens and gets Hastur instead). She looks extremely bored. End ID.]

Advertisement, bottom right: IS THIS YOUR CARD? [Image Description: Two business cards with a white-to-yellow gradient, overlapping so that they are slightly fanned out. Printed on the left-hand side of each is ‘This is to certify The Amazing [blank] as a [blank] training under Mr A.Z. Fell.‘ The one behind is filled in with ‘Your Name-’ and ‘Sorcer-’. The front card is filled in in a more child-friendly font, with ‘Your Name Here’ and ‘Junior Magician’. Below this is space for a start and expiry date, filled in with ‘08/20′ and ‘08/21′ respectively. On the right-hand side of the card, a logo shows a rabbit emerging from an upturned top hat, and below it are the words ‘Harry’s Junior Magic Academy’. The word ‘Junior’ is in the same child-friendly font as before. End ID.] IT COULD BE. Membership is open to under 12s and 13-18 year-olds at www.harrys-magic.com

End of transcript.

[lettersinscarlet]

Colleges (Sam Golbach Imagine)

Hey guys! Like I said, it’s been crazy, but today I started catching up. I’ve been doing a whole lot of thinking and it’s been an emotionally hard week as well, and it’s only Monday. I hope you guys have a wonderful week this week and every week and I’m really sorry to the person who requested this that I didn’t screenshot the request to remember exactly what it said! I’ll do better next time. My requests are open for Sam, Colby, and Jake if you guys want to ask! And you can send in requests through wattpad, but it’s easier for me if you ask them on here. Hope you all enjoy!

Request: Looking for colleges with Sam (and some more that I really don’t remeber I am so sorry)

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“Oooooo, this one looks good,” you remarked as you tossed Sam a pamphlet. It was for the New York Institute of Art and Design.

“Yes, this one looks cool, but check this one out,” he countered, tossing you a pamphlet for the School of Visual Arts and Humanities in Los Angeles. You sighed as you looked over the cover.

Today, you were looking at colleges with Sam. Sam had been your best friend ever since you had moved to LA. You were out at 2 A.M. looking for some good snacks because you had absolutely no food since you had just moved in. As you were running in, you bumped right into Sam. He dropped everything in his hands, which you later found out was stuff for a video he was filming the next day. You apologized profusely and you scrambled to help him pick everything up and you heard him laughing the whole time.

“What are you laughing at?” you asked as you whirled around.

“I don’t mean to offend you, but it’s just funny that you definitely did not expect to run into anybody tonight,” he chuckled.

You looked down and you realized that you were in your sweatpants and a tank top and your hair was thrown up in a bun. You laughed at yourself as you handed him some of the items.

“You’re right, I didn’t,” you said. You guys ended up talking for awhile and he walked with you and helped you pick out some good snacks.

Since then, you guys had become really good friends. You went over to his house frequently and he was at yours all the time, too. You ended up getting to know the rest of the friend group and you really enjoyed hanging out with them.

Recently, you decided that you wanted to go back to college. You really wanted to go into art school. You loved to draw. There was something about getting to express yourself in your drawings that was just wonderful. And, as it turns out, you were actually pretty good at it. You weren’t the greatest, at least that’s what you thought, but you wanted to take some classes and see where they could take you. You didn’t think you were meant for a YouTube career like the boys did.

Now, you just had to decide where to go. You had lived in California all of your life. Even though your move to Los Angeles was recent, you hadn’t lived too far away from the city to begin with. You were really interested in the east coast and everything it had to offer. You were really looking at New York or maybe even Maine. Massachusetts looked good, too. You just wanted to get away from California.

So here you were, hanging out with Sam in his apartment, brochures spread out in front of the both of you as you evaluated all of your options.

“What about the Maryland Institute College of Art?” you asked as you showed it to him.

“It looks cool, but it’s so far away,” Sam trailed off as he looked up at you.

“I know!” you smiled and he looked confused. “Sam, I’ve lived in California my whole life. From the time I was born until now,” you said and you locked your eyes with him. “It’s been really fun, but I don’t know what else is out there. I don’t get to go all around the world like you and Colby do.”

“Then just come with us sometime! Then, you could see the world and you wouldn’t have to move so far away for so long,” he offered.

“That’s sweet, but you know I could never impose on you and Colby like that. When you guys go, it’s just the two of you for your videos and it’s your time to have some binding. You don’t get it that often and I could never ruin that for the two of you,” you told him.

“I wouldn’t mind. Plus, you might even make them better. It would be nice to see you’re pretty face on some of those trips,” he added quietly. You looked at him confused but he was looking at the ground.

“Still, I couldn’t do that to you guys. And I’d still come back, no matter where I go,” you reassured him. “All of my family lives here, and I couldn’t not see you guys for four whole years.”

“Yeah, yeah,” he muttered.

“And I don’t want to live across the country forever,” you continued and reached over and grabbed his hand. “I just want a little breather from California is all.”

He looked up at you and sighed in defeat. You guys spent the next hour or so talking and narrowing down your options. You had found the top four that you wanted to go to and you couldn’t wait to figure out which one you wanted to go to. Of course, you had to send in your application and get accepted.

“Bye, Sam!” you called before you went to walk out.

“Wait!” he yelled and he hopped up. He ran over and gave you the biggest hug humanly possible. “I just gotta savor these moments while I can, before you’re whisked away to the other side of the country,” he said. You just smiled as he pulled you close.

You walked home and you thought about Sam. He was really acting weird. You had already told the others that you were looking for a college outside of Cali and that you planned to come back once you got your degree. Of course, they said that they were sad that you would be so far away for long periods of time, but they all voiced their excitement for you in the end. Sam just seemed really, really upset.

You brushed it off as you headed home, putting it aside as you got excited about your applications.

Over the course of the next few weeks, you perfected your applications and you sent them in. You waited for what felt like years, but you finally got your letters back. Somehow, you’d gotten accepted into all four of them. You jumped with joy and you squealed in your apartment. You immediately went to your car and you drove over to Sam’s place, letters in hand and the biggest smile on your face.

You ran up the stairs because you thought that the elevator would be too slow and you ran down the hall to his door. You knocked on his door and you waited on him. You heard his footsteps and suddenly his smiling face was at the door.

“I got in!” you squealed at him. You could see him tilt his head to the side.

“Which one?”

“Take your pick!” you yelled and you shoved the letters towards him. He grabbed the letters from your hand. He shuffled through the papers and you could see him forcing a smile on his face before he looked back at you.

“This is so great!” he said as he handed you the letters back. Your face drooped just a little but you didn’t think he would notice. “Which one are you going to pick?”

“I have no clue. Any of them could do some really great things for me,” you started. “I just can’t believe that I got in! To any of them!”

“Of course they let you in, if they didn’t, that would be stupid,” he told you. You smiled and took what you thought was a compliment and you walked inside. You hung out with Sam for awhile and eventually you guys called Colby over and you had a mini celebration together.

Sam eventually went in his fridge and he pulled out three cans of Doctor Pepper and he gave one to you and one to Colby.

“To (Y/N),” he said and held up his can. You and Colby did the same. “California is gonna lose one of her greatest, even if it’s only for a little while,” he finished up. You sipped your soda but you couldn’t help but think that Sam was being weird.

You finished up hanging out and then you walked back with Colby.

“Can I talk to you for a second?” you asked him.

“Sure,” he replied. You pulled him into his apartment and you shut the door behind you two.

“Has Sam been acting weird around you lately or would you know why he would be acting weird?”

“What do you mean?” Colby asked, but he rocked on his heels, a tell-tale sign that he knew something.

“Don’t play with me, Brock. I know you’re hiding something,” you told him. He stopped moving and he finally looked at you and sighed.

“Why do you think he would act weird?” he asked you.

“I don’t know that’s-”

“Oh, come on. If I ever said I was going across the country for a few years, Sam would be sad, but he would be super supportive. Because we are friends,” he started and put emphasis on the word.

“Yeah. So why is Sam being so weird like he doesn’t want me to go? We are friends, aren’t we?”

“Yes, of course Sam is your friend. But why do you think he would treat you differently?”

“I don’t know, Colby, that’s why I’m asking you!”

He sighed and rolled his eyes. He shook his head and then he met your gaze.

“If you really can’t figure that out, then I can’t help you.”

“Colby, just tell me because I have no clue-”

“He likes you, (Y/N)!” he whisper shouted at you. You blinked a few times before Colby continued. “He wants you to go to college in California because he thinks that if you went across the country, you would find somebody else and he would miss his chance with you. That’s why he has been saying weird things, he just wants to get you to stay.”

You thought and processed it all. You couldn’t believe it, but now what Colby was saying made sense.

“Alright, Colby, thank you. I’m going to go home now,” you said. You had a plan for what you were going to do.

“Don’t tell him I told you,” Colby said. You nodded and gave him a hug before you left.

When you got home, you started working on your plan. You sent your application to the University of California, located right in Los Angeles. You waited for weeks and you got a letter back. You got in.

You went over to Sam’s apartment, letter in your bag. You knocked on the door and he opened it with a smile.

“Hey, (Y/N)!” Sam greeted you as he welcomed you inside. “What’s up?”

“I have decided the college that I’m going to go to,” you announced. You saw his face drop for a second before he responded.

“Where are you going?”

You reached in your bag and you tossed him your acceptance letter. He caught it and when he flipped it over, he took a second to read it. When he actually looked at it, his face lit up and his bright eyes met yours and you couldn’t help but grin.

“Really?” You nodded your head and he looked down at the letter again. “What made you change your mind?”

“Well, I don’t know, there are some things that would be too hard to miss,” you said. You walked over to him and put your hand on his chest, “like, hopefully, my boyfriend.”

He looked up at you and his cheeks were tinted red.

“Me?”

You rolled your eyes with the biggest smile on your face. “No, I mean the other guy that has my hand on his chest.”

Sam laughed and he leaned over and gently set your letter on the ground. He stood back up and then he put one hand on your cheek and he used the other to tuck your hair behind your ear. He then leaned down and connected your lips with his. It was soft and sweet, and when he pulled away, you were smiling.

“I guess I can’t wait to help my girlfriend get settled into her dorm,” he said back. You giggled and he kissed you again, this time a little less gently.

This was gonna be fun.

———

Taglist:

@sp00kybrock @Yikes.Xander @daddydobrock @trapbrock-local @thenameisbabe @far-to-many-bands @chesterbenningtonaremylife

[marshmallowprotection]

Vampire AU

Pairing: Saeran x Lila, Ray x Lila

1

Lila hummed underneath her breath as she tended to the flowers.

It was a quaint day, she had been working since they opened early in the morning and hadn’t really taken much of a break. When your family was the only florists in your town, that meant that you had a lot to do and  running this business took a lot of time and energy, even though this was technically her families' business, she was the one here most often and the one working the hardest to keep things running smoothly since her Grandmother had fallen ill.

[[MORE]]

Now, they had employees and plenty of the family would drop by to make due when they had to but it was Lila that stepped up to the plate to make sure that the life work of her grandparents was taken care of. It was sort of expected of her, after all, she was the only one in her family that didn’t have what they would like to call a “conventional” career path.

She was an artist that was still trying to find her footing, and without immediate satisfaction, it left most to speak ill.

If she had her way about it, she might have been spending time out in the backroom. She had her spare easel back there so she could spend time working on her next project. She had started to finally work on her floral collection and with spring on its way, a new bloom would be likely to spark her creativity.

Whatever wasn’t in the back room at the moment was on display on the front where the walls were barren and abandoned of much else. Who needed a gallery when you could borrow the wall space from the flower shop? She thought with a weak-willed laugh.

She had dreams of being a beloved artist. But, she had to make sure that her second passion was taken care of first and foremost. After all, she made a promise and Lila didn't break her promises once she made them. Unfortunately, sometimes that meant that she would have to do things that she didn’t account for.

At the very least, this time she was doing something that she liked.

If Lila hadn’t found her passion and love for art at such a young age than she might have been working full time at the flower shop as a florist. She genuinely enjoyed doing for others and it didn’t hurt to find herself amongst the flowers. It was her safe space. Nothing bad could come to her if she was where she was happiest.

This was where she was happy.

Far from the grief and pain that she had experienced two years ago.

The afternoon sun had just begun to set, and she finished arranging a piece for a wedding, taking the time to set it aside for delivery. That was going to be a doozy.

When she peered out the front room her two workers were tending to the dead leaves and weeds stream about the garden, that was one job that was taken care of for her. However, she still just needed to count the books and make sure their ducks were in a row. The deliveries for the week would be going out in the morning, and she would make sure they had received the payments that remained.

Lila shut the door to the back behind herself and stepped up to the counter, tugging the book from one of the cubbies, opening it up and beginning to dot her I’s and cross her T’s. This and that, that and this.

The front bell to the shop jingled, and when she lifted her head she noted it was one of her regulars. "Oh, I didn't expect you to drop by today.”

She had moved into town not that long ago, coming from across the country because she was attending the university and this part of the town was the cheapest for students to find housing they could afford. Her cheeks were pink and she looked a bit nervous, her eyes downcast at the floor. "...I'm good. I've just been thinking about... um… well, you see there's this..."

Lila raised an eyebrow, seemingly picking up a hint about why she was dropping by. She laughed, suddenly, and understood why the blue-haired girl seemed scared. "Is it a special somebody?"

She fiddled with the fabric of her baggy hoodie sleeves and looked up at Lila with a mortified expression, “N-No! It’s not that,” she tried to say, before sighing. “How did you know it was about that?”

“Oh, it’s just something that I’ve learned to pick up,” Lila said. She set her pen against her book and shut it. “I’m used to people dropping by because they want to impress someone or because they have a crush and want to give them something. You wouldn’t believe how many people have come by because they don’t know what to get their partners.”

“I don’t have an um…” she swallowed.

Lila smiled knowingly. “Oh, but you’ve got the eyes for somebody, Bridgit. Is it a cute boy on campus? He must be something special if you like him. Do you wanna tell me about him? Maybe I can find you something that he’ll like.”

She panicked, once again, and shook her head. “I-I’ll have to ask you about this later, um, I’m going to work on my homework.”

Lila sighed at the young girl. It wasn’t surprising that she ran out of dodge when she got a little too excited or flustered. Bridgit was painfully shy, and she still didn’t know the ropes around just making a move. If she remembered correctly, she had ducked into her shop the first time because she had seen a particularly cute boy and wanted to avoid being seen by him.

Perhaps this was the same boy. This was the closest that she had gotten to asking Lila for advice. Maybe the next time she would be able to finish her questions without ducking out.

One of her employees looked over at her, “You think she’ll work up the courage one of these days?”

“Man, she’s been in here too many times to count. I kind of hope this guy figures out she likes him and then makes his move. ” the other discounted.

“Just because that’s the most drama you two can gab about doesn’t mean you have to start placing bets on her love life. I know it’s been a slow week but be a little more mindful of our customers. Why don’t you two go ahead and go home for the night if that’s what’s on your mind? I’ll close up tonight.”

The moon had made its way into the sky by the time she had cleaned up the shop and began to stash away the brooms. She had to adjust the temperature inside to combat the weather outside the greenhouse. She tugged up her sweater closer to her body as she grabbed it from the hook, and let out a little puff of air against that lingering winter cold.

It was too far too cold for her liking, and while it had been warm during the day, the nights still had that chill that made your spine tingle. And, she wasn’t even outside yet. What a strong chill if it slipped through the cracks of the building with ease.

With pursed lips, she went to head to the door but stopped in her tracks when she noticed that someone was in the shop. That was peculiar, nobody usually stopped by this late. She thought that it might have been Bridgit, but this figure was far too tall to be that petite girl.  This was a quiet part of town, and she knew almost everyone that dropped by.

Someone new was a rarity.

It was a guy.

He was dressed in dark, muted tones that would have made him a hazard in the roadway at night. His hair, well, the most that was peeking out from underneath a hood at least that she could see, appeared as white as the night sky; There was the faintest hint of pink there as if he hadn’t dyed it all the way that he wanted. This was a little strange but he didn’t appear to be any different than the rest of her customers.

It was possible that he was new to town just as Bridgit was, and had wandered into this part to check things out. Still, she was about to close because of the late hour and he would have to go sooner or later. Lila pursed her lips.

With her hands in her pockets, she put on her business face and lit up the bubbly attitude as much as she could. “Hello!” she greeted, “I see you’re admiring the coming spring’s bounty. This winter has been a long one so it seems. The gladiolus there is coming in well, but they’re very picky when it comes to their temperature. It hasn’t been warm enough for them to completely flourish. I'm afraid that one has been on the brink of dying as of late.”

The stranger didn’t budge from his spot, nor was he jostled by the sound of her voice like any other person would be. She had been fairly quiet when she came back into the room. He turned his head back in her direction, and she caught a glimpse of his green eyes. They seemed rather unnaturally green as if he were wearing some of those colored contacts.

“You’ve taken great care, they have just the right amount of water, it’s always often that people forget to give them what they need, thinking the rain may be enough, but you seem to know better than that,” he spoke, suddenly. His fingertips brushing against the petals of the almost blooming blossom. “They seem happy with the kindness you’ve shown them.”

Oh, interesting, she thought. He knows a thing or two about flowers.

“I do my best,” Lila said. “I wouldn’t call myself an expert by any means. I've learned by error my entire life, making mistakes and fixing them is my way of life. After all, this place is very important to me.”

“...You’re the owner, then?” he asked, then.

She let out a little laugh. “Kind of, you're in the right area. It belongs to my family, actually. I’m just the one that takes care of the place the most lately. You must be new to town, then, this is a fairly small place and I know pretty much everyone, and they know me.”

He shifted from one leg to the other, guarded.

“Yeah, you could say that,” he said, curtly. It was clearly something that he didn’t want to talk about. It wasn’t any of her business, so she paid it no mind.

“Well, if you haven’t heard it yet, welcome to town, and my shop,” she smiled. “Anyone who knows their stuff and their way around a garden is more than welcome in my shop. I never meet someone with an eye often. Is there anything that I can do for you this evening?”

The man looked away when he caught a glimpse of it.

“No,” he said.

No?

“I've just admired the view from outside the window for a while and I… wanted to see what it was like on the inside.”

Oh.

Lila smiled. She understood that much. Perhaps he was someone who hadn't been able to touch the grass in some time; If you lived in a city, it was hard to find the grass and wonder.

“Well, I'm flattered you think so much of the place.” She said, “My family also has a large garden not far from here that's open to the public, and the groves there are far better than what I've done here. If you think my shop is great, you'll see really quickly that I'm nothing special compared to mother nature herself.”

She took a step closer and leaned against the edge of the table. Her fingertips brushed against the bud still damp from its last watering, the one that he had last touched himself.

Beaming with an idea and a kind heart, she looked over at the stranger who stood still. “Gladiolus represent remembrance, as well as confidence, dexterity, and faithfulness. You seem very fond of it. Hm, since this particular one has been giving me some trouble, why don't you take it with you and breathe some life into it for me?”

He blinked, raising an eyebrow. His expression was unreadable by her, and that was when she noticed the parlor of his skin. He seemed as white and as delicate as a lily, sickly even. It dawned on her that this stranger may have had more struggles in his life, and that only made her forget any of her silly suspicions on spot. All that was on her mind was making someone's night better than it could be. It was her goal.

She wasn't taking no for an answer, either. Scooping the pot into her hand, she pressed it into the strangers hand with a smile and a nod.

“No charge. Something like this could liven up your room as well as your mood,” she said.

“You would do something like that?”

He was surprised by her sudden actions, so much so that he didn't say much else. She waved it off as a bit of embarrassment and headed to the door where she held it open for him and made sure to lock it before she stepped out into the cool night air.

Lila stole a glance at the stranger, before she started to walk in the direction of her apartment, “I'm in this business to make people happier by any means. With the right flower in your hand, and a smile, you could make even the saddest person feel again. That's something that not even money could buy.”

“...You're very kind.” she could hear him.

“Just promise you'll let me know how it turns out!” She called back at him with a laugh.

The stranger watched as Lila disappeared into the shadows and rounded the corner to her small apartment that was two blocks away. She would get their safely as long as he was nearby. This town was steadily becoming a hotbed for prowlers and he wouldn't want anything to happen to her because of that. For so long he wanted to talk to her but he never could work up the courage to do it; He took the chance tonight only because he had quenched his bloodlust the night before.

It was all too easy to find someone in a college town. Ray just hated and felt bad after he had to coerce someone for their blood. He had to survive… and that was the cost he had to pay.

He had just gotten sidetracked when he looked and saw the most lovely girl tending to a bouquet of lilies. He had intended to keep moving and to keep hiding from the underground that wanted to find him and destroy him. But he just… couldn't leave this place.

He felt enraptured and bond by the intoxicating feeling that girl gave him. She smelled heavenly and her smile almost made his heart beat again. She really was as kind as she seemed to be, he had been watching her for some time now, and he was relieved to know that she was lovely. He was so glad he came to this town, but at the same time, he knew that as long as he was here… danger would follow.

Ray stared down at the gladiolus in his hands, almost gleeful. “Perhaps this time she won't find me… maybe I can be normal again… maybe we can just exist here…”

[artemis-crimson]

@onewhoturns tagged me!

1.) Real name: Clara 2.) Nicknames: Arty? 3.) Zodiac Sign: Capricorn! 4.) Gender: Female? 5.) Nursery: Dunno what this mean, it’s a solid word though I guess? 6/10 6.) Primary School: Oh! It’s about what happened when we went to school! Fucking miserable but hey figured out I was bi as all hell  7.) Secondary School: Gee I sure hope so 8.) Hair Color: Dark brown 9.) Long or Short: Short but I’m growing it out again 10.) Loud or Quiet: Loud but it’s funny to walk around for hours and nobody notices you’re there or if you where there and now you’ve been missing for ages 11.) Sweats or Jeans: Fuck pants dude, skirts. I wear skirts 12.) Phone or Camera: Phone! My camera is old and fills up fast 13.) Health Freak: I’m here for a good time not a long time 14.) Drink or Smoke: Unfortunately 15.) Do You Have A Crush On Someone: Yeah! I have a girlfriend, I love her! 16.) Political orientation: Left? Society is to serve humanity, governments exists to protect their people, everyone deserves a fair chance, ect? 17.) Piercings: I’ve just got my ears pierced but microdermal piercings are kinda really pretty too 18.) Tattoos: Also pretty but piercings are better cause they fucking sparkle, look at that there’s fucking metal in your skin and you can have cute things or fucking gems attached  HAVE YOU EVER [BEEN IN]: 19.) Airplane: Fuck yeah! And a helicopter! I love flying! 20.) Car *Accident*: A truck bumped me once? 21.) Fist Fight: Several! Many? More sanctioned ones than just brawling and I think that’s rather mature of me FIRSTS: 22.) First piercing: Ears 23.) First Best Friend: A girl named Olivia! I’ve known her since kindergarten and we’re still friends 24.) First Instrument played: I played the xylaphone and glockenspiel at school and I was the worst at it 25.) First award: I won a medal for the best grades in the worst class in high school, I’m only counting the things I actually worked for and not participation or consolation prizes cause y’know, they don’t count 26.) First Crush: In retrospect probably one of my friends from when I was little and clueless but first one from post oh shit I’m queer realization is said girlfriend 27.) First Language: English. 28.) First Big Vacation: I went to Hawaii with my whole family on my mums side (and my dad) for my oma and opa’s anniversary  LASTS: 29.) Last Person you talked to: My little sister! 30.) Last Person You Texted: Ana! who is the girlfriend I keep mentioning 31.) Last Person You Watched: I was watching Prey stuff to reference something earlier? Last human would also be my sister who I watched get a blanket for the plus nineteen degrees celsius heat the absolute madwoman 32.) Last Food You Ate: Pizza! meaty meat pizza 32.) Last Movie You Watched: Infinity war unfortunately, I wanted to see the moon throwing scene so I skipped through everything for that. 34.) Last Song You listened to: Bad Believer by St Vincent 35.) Last Thing You Bought: Poutine and bubble tea 36.) Last Person You Hugged: This is depressing, I don’t know. Does my PC count? I needed to adjust it again and that’s the last thing of any importance I’ve touched in a while now soooo FAVES: 37.) Food: Chocolate! Fish! Meat! Bread! Sugar! Curry! Ice cream! 38.) Drinks: TEA! Hot Chocolate! Milk! Horchata! Bubble tea! Soda! Port! 39.) Clothing: Comfortable skirts and t shirts with hoodies/sweaters and fuzzy leggings and scarves but it’s too warm for that 40.) Book: Tin Star by Cecil Castellucci 41.) Color: Purple! especially lavender 42.) Flower: Also lavender  43.) Music: Miracle of Sound! he’s got lots of different genres, Hozier and Seeming are great too and a bunch of video game soundtracks are great too 44.) Movie: Pacific Rim I think 46.) Subjects: Science! I want to know how everything and everyone works and then I want to help all of it

IN THE PAST YEAR I… 47.) [ ] Kissed in the rain 48.) [ ] Celebrated Halloween. 49.) [ ] Had Your Heart Broken 50.) [x] Went Over the Minutes on Your Cell Phone  51.) [x] Someone Questioned Your Sexual Orientation. It’s a constant state of denial babe 52.) [x] Used a Weapon Technically 53.) [x] Breathed fire I inhaled a candle flame that count? 54.) [ ] Had an Abortion 55.) [x] Done something you’ve Regretted   56.) [ ] Broke a Promise 57.) [x] Kept a Secret 58.) [x] Pretended To Be Happy 59.) [ ] Met Someone Who Changed Your Life 60.) [ ] Pretended To Be Sick 61.) [ ] Left The Country 62.) [ ] Tried something you normally wouldn’t like, and liked it. 63.) [x] Cried Over The Silliest Thing 64.) [x] Ran a Mile 65.) [ ] Went To the Beach 66.) [ ] Stayed Single CURRENTLY: 67.) Eating: Avoiding sleep 68.) Drinking: Oolong tea 69.) Getting Ready To: Sleep 70.) Listening To: I did forget to change this whoops, I’m listening to this https://youtu.be/4MN8gw6S4kM 71.) Plans For Tomorrow/Today: Berry farm trip! 72.) Waiting For: Sleep YOUR FUTURE: 73.) Want Kids: Not especially? I don’t think I’d be good at it 74.) Want To Get Married: Yeah! I’m sappy and it’s useful incase someone is hospitalized or for taxes or wills or visas which is less sappy and more practical but is there anything more romantic than making sure your partner has safety nets and an easier life? Huh? 75.) Careers in minds: I want to help people, I just don't know how yet? WHICH IS BETTER ON A GIRL/GUY: (again blatant nb/gq/ag exclusion) ON A PERSON/PARTNER: 76.) Lips or Eyes: ...Eyes? 77.) Shorter or Taller: All the same to me? 78.) Romantic or Spontaneous: This is vague and weird really, like what if you think romance is spontaneity? however since it’s capitalized I’m assuming you mean like the Romance period and I think that’s pretty good 79.) Nice Stomach or Nice Arms: Also weird! who wants their partner to get sick? I don’t want them to get sick? Arms are for holding, stomachs are for eating these things are not related  80.) Sensitive or Loud: None of these questions make any fucking sense 81.) Hook-up Or Relationship: Relationship? 82.) Troublemaker or Hesitant: These things are not mutually exclusive either HAVE YOU EVER: 83.) Lost Glasses/Contacts: My glasses once got smacked off my face with a boom and into a reservoir 84.) Ran Away From Home: Nope 85.) Held A Weapon, For Self Defense: I do not believe it has been self defence technically no 86.) Killed Somebody: I’m onto you you dirty cops 87.) Broken Someone’s Heart: Sure hope not! 88.) Been Arrested: Can’t catch meeeeee DO YOU BELIEVE IN: 90.) Yourself: I am here, I am trying, I am failing, I will try again or I will die, there’s no belief involved 91.) Miracles: Sort of? Not really? I don’t think the universe is going to make anything happen for a reason kind or cruel 92.) Love at First Sight: No, love needs you to know someone 93.) Heaven: Nope! 94.) Santa Claus: Nope? Never have, wrong cultures for Santa  95.) Easter Bunny: Nope, wrong cultures again 96.) Magic: I’m not sure, insufficient evidence ANSWER TRUTHFULLY: 97.) Is There One Person You Wanna Be With, Right Now: Yes! Cause I’m taken! Am dating! Have girlfriend, I’m girlfriend! It’s great! 98.) Are You Seriously Happy With Where You Are, In Life: Nope! Can’t remember ever being truly seriously happy but that’s alright though cause nothing lasts forever and either I’ll get around to it eventually or I just won’t? No point in worrying 99.) Are You Happy With The Person You’re With: Also yes! Incredibly! I try to not get started cause I’m told I can be insufferable about it but so very very happy 100.) Post as 100 Truths and Tag five People: this is more 99 truths ain’t it, so here’s the last one, I am constantly terrified my plants will die but act tough in front of them cause someone has to not wilt under pressure 

@alienhazy, @nightcoreapologist, @kajafrompluto, @criticalrolo, @elvenorc

[bandblogging]

Forgotten Birthday

Pairing: Josh Dun x Reader

Requested: no

Warning: Swearing I think idk

Words: 3.5k

Summary: having to spend your birthday with only you neighbour, because your boyfriend Josh, forgot it didn't sit right with you. To apologize in person Josh flies you out and spoils you for a good time.

A/N: I know I know it's the end of the week and I said it was going to be up during the week I am sorry. I just didn't have the time/work ethic to finish it. Now it's 1 am and I am dead tired so this description might not make sense. Please request things, my creativity is limited at the moment. And yes the title isn't creative I'm sorry.

MASTERLIST

_____

You had been living with Josh for close to a year by now. Even when he wasn't home he still felt closer than back when you were living alone. At least now you were surrounded by his things. To you it was one of the best decisions you two had made, the big apartment was in a nice area and the neighbours were lovely.

This morning you had however once again woken up to an empty bed. Josh was halfway across the country but you still had hopes that by the end of the night the bed next to you wouldn't be empty. It was you birthday after all and you had overheard him talking about wanting to visit you for it.

That was the reason that for most of the day you didn't even care about not receiving a text from him saying Happy Birthday. In your mind he was going to tell it to you in person. Your friends and family had all called by the afternoon and even part of the tour team had managed to wish you a happy birthday.

The house was still empty, except for you and when the doorbell finally rang at around four in the afternoon your heart jumped. You practically ran to the door, ready to fall into Josh's arms. You ripped the door open, and your jaw dropped in surprise, surprised by the woman you saw on the other side. It wasn't Josh, no it wasn't. Your lovely recently retired neighbour Jane stood in front of you, big smile on her face and a cake in her hand. "Oh Happy Birthday Y/N!", she greeted you. "I noticed that nobody had come over today and Josh is on tour so I thought I would bring you a birthday cake". You let her in, showing her the kitchen where you sat down at the table across from her. You hadn't expected her at all, you had definitely not expected her to be so observing. It almost made you feel guilty that you never payed attention to who or if somebody was visiting your neighbors. "Do you want a coffee Jane?", you asked and stood up again after she nodded. You filled the coffee machine and waited for it to start working. "You really didn't have to do that.", you smiled at her and grabbed two mugs out of the cupboard. "I know but I wanted to, I had lonely birthdays before and they are sad", her genuine tone almost brought tears to your eyes. "Yeah, I had really hoped Josh could have come home, especially since he knows that my family doesn't live here", you sighed and poured the coffee into the mugs. "I bet he makes up for it", she smiled at you and poured some sugar into the coffee you had placed infront her. "A text would have been enough, I know it must be hard to take a break in the middle of the tour", you grabbed two plates and some utensils to cut the cake. "He forgot you?", you could hear the surprise in Jane's voice loud and clear. You nodded in response, "He texted me a good morning but that was everything, until like three I was still convinced he would surprise me but I guess not", you sat across from her and all you wanted to do was to drown your thoughts in sugary cake. "Anyway you are here, making this a lot better so let's get into this cake", you forced a smile and cut two big slices. You sat in silence for a minute, just eating the cake. You thanked her again for bringing the cake and began chatting about random stuff to her.

Jane actually stayed for way longer than you had expected and when she had left the house in the evening you had practically forgotten about Josh still not having said anything, at least for the moment. You spent the rest of the night watching TV and trying to distract yourself. It quickly approached midnight and your eyelids felt heavy. You were dead asleep by half one, without a happy birthday from your boyfriend.

The next morning was a lazy Sunday, with you waking up late and preparing a nice breakfast just for yourself. When you sat down on the couch, ready to dig in your phone lit up with messages. "Hey good morning babe, I wanted to text you earlier but got a bit too drunk yesterday and slept too long so sorry xx", Josh. Good to know that he had a right old time the night before. "Had a good night? What were you celebrating?", if it wasn't for being a text he could have tasted the saltiness in you words. "Nothing really, just the tour doing well and yeah it was good. What were you up to?", he was so oblivious and you felt like virtually punching him in the face. Your appetite had diminished and you set the food down on the table. "Oh 'celebrating' my birthday with Jane, the neighbour...", you wanted to wait for him to figure it out on his own but your fingers typed faster than you were thinking. There was no reply for a few minutes and you had leaned back into the couch, resting your head in your hands. Part of you felt sad, disappointed and angry at him for forgetting you while the other half knew how stressful his career was, how he always wanted to do his best and that you were glad he was enjoying himself. "I'm so sorry, I really fucked up didn't I?", he finally replied a few minutes later. "I mean yeah kind of", you didn't wait with your answer. "I'm going to make it up to you, i am sorry y/N", this time he texted back quickly, even double texting to also say that he loved you. You waited for a couple of minutes to reply, not because you didn't love him, even if you wanted to and you were incredibly annoyed at him, you still loved him a lot. You waited just to let him sweat for a moment but ended up texting him a 'I love you too' anyway. You would have liked to see Josh's reaction when he realized what he had forgotten, you would bet the look on his face was priceless.

Josh P. O. V

The hangover wasn't what was hurting his head, it was the realisation that he had fucked up badly. His stomach dropped when he read her message. He was beating himself up, how could he forget something as important as her birthday. It had been on his mind even a week ago because he was still trying to figure out what to do for it but then it was just gone out of his head. Tour had gotten busy the last week, and when finally the two free days had come around all he wanted was to enjoy the free time he had. Last night he had been out partying with Tyler after practically sleeping all day.

A knock on the door made Josh jump a little before getting up and opening the it. "Still in last night's clothes?", Tyler laughed and entered the room. Josh looked down at himself, seeing the Tshirt and pants he had worn last night in which he had fallen asleep, feeling even more disappointed in himself. "That's the least of my problems right now Tyler", he tried his best but the undertone of anger and annoyance in his voice was hard to mask. "Woah what's going on?", Tyler asked and looked at Josh with a worried expression. "Remember how it was Y/N's birthday yesterday? Well I didn't", Josh shook his head. "Shit. I completely forgot about that", Tyler realized and Josh could easily tell that he was upset about it. "It completely slipped my mind and it absolutely shouldn't have. I bet she is, understandably, furious.",Josh muttered under his breath. "And now we have a show tomorrow and I can't even fly to her to apologise in person", he ran his hand through his hair while trying to think of a solution. Tyler leaned against the wall, staring out of the window for a while before speaking up. "Can't you fly her out? You know take her on a nice date here, some massages you know that really romantic stuff. You can still throw her a surprise party when we get the next break", Tyler said with a cautious tone, looking at Josh from the side. "I mean I could ask her, who knows, she's probably really pissed off", Josh sighed and rubbed his temples. "I'm gonna call her right now, it will only get worse if I wait any longer", he grabbed his phone from the bed, typing Y/N's number in from memory.

Your P. O. V

Tyler had unbeknownst to you left the room when you answered your ringing phone. Even though you kind of didn't want to speak to Josh right now you wanted to hear what he had to say. "I'm sorry", was the first thing that came through the speaker of your phone. "I fucked up and I am so fucking sorry", Josh spoke up again and you couldn't help but sigh deeply. "Yeah but it was my birthday Joshua ", there was a slight undertone of disappointment in your voice when you replied to him. "I know, you have all the right to be angry at me, I'm sorry", Josh's voice was small and quiet. "I don't want to make any excuses, I was stressed and tired, went out to party and I forgot, it literally slipped my mind, it shouldn't have I know", he continued to talk, raising his voice so you could hear him better. You let him speak, not wanting to interrupt him. "It's killing me to know that I hurt you, I didn't mean to and I want to make it up to you", he had been apologizing and talking for a few minutes with you just listening to him. And as much as you hated to say this you couldn't be really angry at him, you knew he had a stressful career and tried his best. A part of you would probably stay disappointed and angry for a while but all you wanted to do was to hug and cuddle him, for your and for his sake. "Well what's your plan then?", you asked and rubbed your temple with your free hand. "Come here, join me and I'll make it up to you in every way I can", Josh's cautious tone didn't make you less annoyed at his suggestion. "Are you serious? I can't just take vacation days to get to you to 'make it up' Josh". It wasn't as easy as up and leave for you or you would have joined him a long time ago. You had to think about it for a few minutes, even though you really wanted to get to him you didn't know if you could. In the end Josh had offered to talk to you boss and even if you weren't hopeful he would try his best.

Surprisingly to even you, two days later you were sitting in a tight plane seat flying out to see Josh. He wanted to get you a first class seat but that would have meant you would have had to wait another day to get to him, so you happily accept the other one. The flight was relatively short and a few hours later you got out of the cab, grabbing your suitcase and payed for your ride.

The hotel was lit up and a few people stood outside, smoking and talking to each other. You entered the front door, pulling your suitcase behind you towards the front desk. You asked for the room of Josh's pseudonym he used for booking hotel rooms. You wandered the halls towards floor four, room 409. It was at the very end of the hallway with a big number above the door. You were knocking against the wooden door as soon as you had read the right number. The door slowly opened a few seconds later but was ripped wide open when Josh recognized you. "Y/N", he exclaimed and made you drop your things by hugging you tightly. You chuckled and wrapped your arms around him. You pressed a kiss to his cheek and cuddled up to him more. "Let's get you inside", Josh muttered after a while and loosened his arms around you. You nodded and picked up your things, entering the hotel room after Josh went in. "I'm so glad you came", he turned towards you and grabbed your hands. You nodded slowly, not being sure about how to reply. " Y/N I", he stopped himself for a second. "I am really sorry.",he was about to repeat himself again and again when you interrupted him. "Josh. Stop!", you placed a hand on his chest. "You apologized enough, I'm sorry but I can't hear it anymore", you sighed and slightly brushed your thumb against his chest. "I don't want more talking. All I want right now are cuddles and a nap.", you let your hand fall and turned around, ready to throw yourself on his bed. "Sorry", he mumbled and pulled his hand in front of his mouth when he realized what he had said, chuckling afterwards. "Well then let me give you the best cuddle you ever had", he walked past you, grabbing you by your hips and pulling you towards him, making you fall on top of him when he sat down on the bed. You chuckled and let your head rest on his chest while trying to pull your shoes off your feet without your hands.

"I love you Y/N", Josh mumbled into your hair once you both had found a comfortable position to lay in. "I love you too Josh", you whispered back and let yourself relax even more into his arms. It didn't take long for you to fall into a peaceful nap, with Josh following suit quickly after you.

A sharp knock on the door a while later forcefully ripped you out of your sleep and made you sit up instantly. Next to you Josh was waking up aswell, having heard the knock too. A second knock made you groan but stand up, walking toward the door. You opened it a bit, peeking out, but opening it fully when you saw Tyler on the other side. "Hey ho", he greeted you and pulled you into a tight hug. "Can't have you not say hello to me can I?", he chuckled and squeezed you a little tighter. "Hello Tyler", you said and grinned into his shoulder. "But I would have said hi after my nap anyway", you squeeze him back and smile to yourself. "Oh I didn't mean to wake you guys up", he muttered and let go of you. "I'm sorry, for both you know.. Waking you and you know forgetting your birthday", there was an awkward silence between you two and you shifted from one leg to the other. "I'm really sick of that. I want everyone to stop saying sorry to me for the next few days, I can't listen to that anymore", you tried to not sound annoyed but w weren't sure how well you did. "It's in the past now, sure I was pissed but what can you do about it", you shrugged your shoulders. "So no more sorrys just I don't know do a gesture as an apology if you want, you don't have to tho", you couldn't hold yourself back, having heard 'I' m sorry' for way too many times the last few days.

"Guess I'm gonna let actions speak louder than words huh?", Josh put an arm around you, pulling you back into the room a bit. A small smirk formed on your lips and you leaned into him. "I get it, I'm gonna leave you two alone again", Tyler laughed and turned on his heel. "Don't be so loud", he threw in your direction before walking down the hall towards his room.

"I for one won't be able to fall back asleep", you said as you closed the door behind you again. "Me neither, but I do have some plans for us", Josh still had a hand lingering on your hips when he answered you. "Plans? With an s? Multiple plans?", you asked with a bit of confusion in your voice. "Yeah that's what it usually means doesn't it?", Josh laughed and let go of you. He opened up your suitcase, inspecting the content before pulling out a dress he liked. "There is a really nice pasta place here and I want to take you there.", he looked up at you, "You don't have to wear it, I just think it looks always really good on you", he smiled at you and handed you the dress. "Anything for you", you grinned back and pecked his lips quickly before grabbing the dress from him.

A few minutes later you came out of the bathroom with the dress on and having freshened yourself up a little. "Ready?", Josh asked you and studied you from head to toe. You spin for him once and then nod as a confirmation. "You look really nice Y/N", Josh said while placing an arm around you again, one hand firmly resting on your hip. "Thanks", you muttered and pressed a kiss to his cheek.

The restaurant was pretty empty when you entered it a while later and the table you were seated at was at the back, with a small candle lit in the middle. Josh pulled out the chair for you and was more of a gentleman than you thought he could ever be. The food arrived quickly, with even an extra dessert you didn't actually order. "We really didn't have this nice of a date in a long time", you said and smiled at him. You pushed your empty plate away from you a little and took another sip of your wine. "It has been too long I know", Josh answered after finishing his last bite of dessert. "I'm just really happy to have you", you said and leaned forward a little. "I'm the one being lucky to have you", he smiled widely at you and you felt your cheeks warm up.

Josh insisted on paying the bill, not even giving you the chance to pull out your wallet. He knew you would have gladly split the check but once again wanted to do this as an apology. He offered to go see a movie but you politely asked to just go back to the hotel. You still were pretty exhausted and were afraid you would fall asleep if you would just be sitting in a dark room for two hours.

As soon as the door closed behind you you had pulled off your shoes and were standing barefoot in the hotel room. You felt Josh's hands on your shoulders, starting to massage you when you sighed happily. "You deserve it babe", Josh continued to massage your shoulders, slowly pushing down your dress straps. "At least close the blinds Josh", you turned around slightly and smirked at him. He looked confused for a second but turned on his heel and walked towards the window, pulling the curtains close. When he turned back around you had peeled off your dress, now just standing in front of Josh in just your underwear. "Would be harder to massage my back with the dress on right?", you grin at Josh and slowly walked towards the bed. You could see Josh check you out from the side before walking back towards you. He pulled off his jacket and shoes, opening a few buttons on his shirt. " You're right but to really massage you I think the rest has to go to", Josh raised an eyebrow and a cheeky smile spread across his face. "One after the other. You'll have to prove that you deserve the rest coming off too", you laid down on the bed with your back exposed to him. You felt the bed dip next to you and Josh's hands back on your shoulder. "That will be easy, I know you'll melt in my hands", Josh knealt next to you and whispered in your ear. A shudder went down your back and a small chuckle fell from his lips. He started to massage your shoulders once again, slowly moving down your back. After a while a small moan escaped your mouth and you immediately felt your cheeks warm up. "See? Told you", Josh said and you felt his hands move towards your bra which he opened way too slowly, teasing you.

That night your bra wasn't the only thing coming off. Josh made sure to only focus on you that night, making you feel as comfortable and amazing as he could. In your mind you had forgiven him long ago but that wouldn't stop you from loving Josh spoiling you that visit.

[mcmissileproof]

I have been tagged

tagged by @fruity-pies

assorted information under the cut bc long

1.) Real name:  wouldn’t you like to know 2.) Nicknames: MC, Xenon, absolutely anything you can think of that starts with M and C 3.) Zodiac Sign: Gemini 4.) Male or Female: Female, but like with an asterisk and the asterisk leads to a question mark 5.) Nursery: I was never a baby 6.) Primary School: depends on your definition of “primary school” 7.) Secondary School: :) 8.) Hair Color: brown 9.) Long or Short: short 10.) Loud or Quiet: quiet 11.) Sweats or Jeans: jeans for sure 12.) Phone or Camera: phone 13.) Health Freak: nah 14.) Drink or Smoke: I drink occasionally but I don’t think I’m actually capable of getting Drunk, just slightly tipsy. no smoking bc it’s nasty 15.) Do You Have A Crush On Someone: I’m in a relationship if that counts 16.) Political orientation: I’ll give the same answer here as I do to everyone who asks: I am tired 17.) Piercings: nah 18.) Tattoos: nope HAVE YOU EVER [BEEN IN]: 19.) Airplane: yep 20.) Car *Accident*: yeah, once 21.) Fist Fight: nope FIRSTS: 22.) First piercing: don’t have any 23.) First Best Friend: a girl from my 3 year old class, closely followed by another girl from kindergarten. I haven’t talked to either of them very much in a while, but every once in a while we catch up 24.) First Instrument played: hmmmmm piano? unless we’re talking instruments I actually know how to play, in which case trombone 25.) First award: I think I was top of my class in pre-K 26.) First Crush: a kid in pre-K who I literally never spoke to. he told me he was married when I tried to talk to him, and I never tried again 27.) First Language: English 28.) First Big Vacation: the beach, probably. we used to go every couple of years. LASTS: 29.) Last Person you talked to: irl friend chat, not any single person 30.) Last Person You Texted: my mom 31.) Last Person You Watched: myself? 32.) Last Food You Ate: pasta and toast 32.) Last Movie You Watched: A Quiet Place 34.) Last Song You listened to: some homestuck remix I think 35.) Last Thing You Bought: groceries 36.) Last Person You Hugged: my mom, I think FAVES: 37.) Food: proooobably pasta? 38.) Drinks: passionfruit juice man 39.) Clothing: jeans, sneakers, cemetery business shirt. alternatively, just the weirdest thing I think I can pull off on any given day 40.) Book: tough choice, but my first impulse is to say The Book Thief by Markus Zusak 41.) Color: Purble. also red 42.) Flower: sunflowers 43.) Music: literally just whatever. currently a mix of 2000s emo/edgy rock, meme mixes and joke edits, indie something-or-other, and a handful of random songs that don’t fit into any of the above 44.) Movie: god. I don’t watch movies anymore. justy put Interstellar in my head and that’s the best movie I can think of right now 46.) Subjects: art and chemistry

IN THE PAST YEAR I… 47.) [ ] Kissed in the rain 48.) [x] Celebrated Halloween. 49.) [ ] Had Your Heart Broken 50.) [x] Went Over the Minutes on Your Cell Phone 51.) [x] Someone Questioned Your Sexual Orientation. (I mean I don’t remember specifically but it happens often enough, right) 52.) [x] Used a Weapon (fencing boiiiii) 53.) [ ] Breathed fire 54.) [ ] Had an Abortion 55.) [ ] Done something you’ve Regretted   56.) [ ] Broke a Promise 57.) [x] Kept a Secret 58.) [x] Pretended To Be Happy 59.) [x] Met Someone Who Changed Your Life (that feels pretty dramatic to say but I’ve made a lot of friends lately and that’s pretty significant so) 60.) [ ] Pretended To Be Sick 61.) [ ] Left The Country 62.) [ ] Tried something you normally wouldn’t like, and liked it. 63.) [ ] Cried Over The Silliest Thing 64.) [ ] Ran a Mile 65.) [ ] Went To the Beach 66.) [ ] Stayed Single CURRENTLY: 67.) Eating: nothing 68.) Drinking: grapefruit sparkling water 69.) Getting Ready To: chill out, draw some stuff, who knows 70.) Listening To: nothing 71.) Plans For Tomorrow/Today: go to work, do chemistry things 72.) Waiting For: inspiration YOUR FUTURE: 73.) Want Kids: nah 74.) Want To Get Married: hmmmm maybe. but I wouldn’t be bothered if not 75.) Careers in minds: chemist, with a side of art/writing if I ever get my shit together to make that happen WHICH IS BETTER ON A GIRL/GUY: 76.) Lips or Eyes: eyes 77.) Shorter or Taller: slight preference for taller 78.) Romantic or Spontaneous: romantic, I guess 79.) Nice Stomach or Nice Arms: arms 80.) Sensitive or Loud: sensitive 81.) Hook-up Or Relationship: relationship 82.) Troublemaker or Hesitant: ...a healthy mix? HAVE YOU EVER: 83.) Lost Glasses/Contacts: I don’t have any to lose 84.) Ran Away From Home: nah 85.) Held A Weapon, For Self Defence: once, when I heard a sound outside in the middle of the night and walked around the house with a softball bat. I was like 12, I don’t know what I thought I was going to do if anything happened 86.) Killed Somebody: no 87.) Broken Someone’s Heart: not... to my knowledge. not that I’m particularly perceptive about such things, but I doubt it 88.) Been Arrested: nah DO YOU BELIEVE IN: 90.) Yourself: somewhere between YEAH!! and I’m... trying to 91.) Miracles: possibly 92.) Love at First Sight: nope 93.) Heaven: uncertain 94.) Santa Claus: no 95.) Easter Bunny: no 96.) Magic: why not ANSWER TRUTHFULLY: 97.) Is There One Person You Wanna Be With, Right Now: not to any significant degree, no 98.) Are You Seriously Happy With Where You Are, In Life: working on it 99.) Are You Happy With The Person You’re With: yee he’s pretty cool 100.) Post as 100 Truths and Tag five People: as always I am unable to remember who likes these things and hasn’t been tagged yet, so fill this out and say I tagged you if you want

[artificialqueens]

Objects in the Rear View Mirror (Craquameron) - Chapter Nine - Saiphl

But damn me and curse me for still needing you - Chapter Nine

Kameron’s POV

Bless all the girls staying late after school

They’re playing with fire and oh they’re playing it cool

The full intensity of Aquaria’s gaze stays with me even when I saw her driving away from the house. I didn’t really have to pick up anything, but as a sick prank of my mind, this was the only place I’ve thought to hide. I let myself fall on my dad’s favorite couch, and I close my eyes, pressing the bridge of my nose really strong.

I can’t take out of my head the way Aquaria was looking at me, and I’m a fucking coward, but I don’t dare to think about how hard was for me avoiding to touch her. Truth to be told: she’s gorgeous, like you should be blind to not notice it, but this is not the time to find Brianna’s ex beautiful. Leaning my forehead to the door, I try to make my head clear. Living far from Brianna was not easy, but manageable if I didn’t know she’s here, I could keep everything at bay, but now I feel like I need to get her back.

From the minute I turned and laid my eyes on you, I had no eyes of my own

I was blind to the world, you were too good to be true

I go to the backyard and let myself fall on a chair, the summer heat is on its highest point of the day, and the sun, mercilessly heats every surface on its reach. Memories of the last summer I’ve spent in this house start flooding on my head. That was the only summer I had with Brianna. That’s the summer when I fell in love with her.

Distractedly I kick my shoes and walk to the grass. The scent of the fresh cut and the flowers hitting my nose with the full weight of a fading memory. Brianna and I were sitting on a blanket, having a lazy evening with the last red rays of the sun. The Math tutoring long forgotten by the both of us, still lingering in the book laying on the grass on our first day of summer vacation. Her long wavy hair half tied in a messy bun on top of her head, while she was sitting behind me, braiding my hair.

She lightly kisses the back of my neck and I smile. I turned to face her and we made out lazily, taking the time to enjoy each other. That was the first night we spent together, we didn’t actually did it, but we touched and kissed each other in the most magical moment I can remember. Just as I told Aquaria, things between Brianna and me had always been organic. The kind of things that just feel right.

That’s why I can’t risk let me feel attracted to Aquaria. Because if there’s even a slight chance for me to get Bri back, I’d totally screw it by getting attached to the other. Even if I wanted to take Aquaria with me and fuck her senseless and make her forget of my Bri. I shake my head in a poor attempt to dismiss the idea, that slithers through my mind like a serpent threatening to eat me.

How does it amuse you, let me count the pain

How many rules breaking how many games

One thing is true: Aquaria is a predator, one of the most dangerous kind. Her striking looks and natural charm can get you trapped. I sigh loudly, at this point, all I want is to take a shower and bury myself under the bed covers until I feel less disturbed. I hear the alarm of my clock beep, I totally forgot I promised Morgan to at least message her today.  Tripping on my feet I reach for the telephone and I start typing as fast as I can.

Kameron: hey cous! I’m sorry I didn’t call, got a  little busy here.

Morgan: Sure you did bitch, mom is worried as hell, needless to say that I’m too

Kameron: I know, but yesterday I came almost straight from the airport to my dad’s house

Kameron: took forever reading and signing the paperwork

Kameron: then I cleaned my old room, ya’ know, stuff I didn’t have a chance to get back

Morgan: you ok Kam?

Kameron: with Katlyn? mostly yeah

Kameron: but you won’t believe this

Morgan: what did you do bitch?

Morgan: if you kicked her ass for being a bitch and I wasn’t there to watch it…

Morgan: I’ll be pissed at you for the next 90 years

Kameron: I just cut her off, but that’s not what I wanted to say

Morgan: ok, you’ll have to give me details

Kameron: later, just read

Morgan: ok, I’m just eyes right now

Kameron is typing

Morgan: …

Morgan: …

Morgan: getting impatient here!

Kameron: I went for a walk after cleaning my room, so I ended at Brianna’s, and you won’t believe this… she’s here!!! Like here, for the fucking career advice week, and I just met her at the high school, and guess who else is here?

Morgan: No way!!!

Kameron: Aquaria Needles herself!!

And in the wink of an eye you used to give me it all

And with a kiss in the darkness you’d deliver the light

As soon as the sent marks get blue, my phone starts ringing. “Hey sis! now you’ve beaten your own mark”, I say to Morgan, who starts rambling.

“Details bitch, I want details. What did she say? Was she mean? Was she with Aquaria?” she sighs on the phone, then keeps talking. “Come on Kameron, talk!”. She sounds both excited and wary, maybe she’s expecting for me to start crying any second now.

“I saw her yesterday, when she was literally turning her back on Aquaria” I say. “Then Aquaria found me and she was nice. She also wanted to know what happened with me and why did I disappeared like I did,” Morgan hums in agreement, waiting for me to keep talking. “She actually was very nice. This morning at the meeting we were having a nice conversation when Brianna showed up.” My voice cracks a little when I say her name.

“Ok, I guess by your tone that things weren’t going smoothly” Morgan says, sounding serious.

“She was nervous, and after the meeting she ran out the classroom. Aquaria and I found her at the restroom. It was awkward, first she literally jumped into my arms. Then she greeted Aquaria and both of them seemed sad.” I sigh and then take a deep breathe. “After that we left the school, and Aquaria drove us to a park in the other side of the city. We were talking for a while… like, a while.”

Morgan hums again, and then speaks. “So, I guess that conversation wasn’t smooth. I know you Kammy, I can hear your head working here, and I’m like thousands of miles away from you girl.” I nod, even when she can’t see me.

“Morgan… Brianna kissed me, and then kissed Aquaria.” She gasps, and clears her throat, giving me chance to put my ideas together. “Then she ran away, again. If you wanna ask if I’m alright, I’m not. I feel confused, and guilty, and horny as fucking hell”, Morgan laughs on that last argument.

Bless all the homecoming queens of the night

They’re looking for magic in gymnasium lights

“So, whose bones you wanna jump?” Morgan knows me like the back of her hand, and she will never turn down a chance to mock me. “Let me guess, you wanna jump Brianna’s bones, just ‘cause that’s what you always want whenever you see her. But you want to jump Aquaria’s bones too, and that’s why you feel guilty”. I nod again, feeling kind of defeated.

“You know I hate you, right?”, she laughs in the other side of the line. “Morgan, this is serious, it’s not ok that I want Aquaria too” I say, starting to get annoyed. “I want Brianna back, if I want that, I can’t get to fuck Aquaria.”

Morgan clears her throat again, soothing her laugh. “Ok baby doll, if you know what you want, then stop overreacting. First of all, you need to talk to Bri, and find out if she wants that too”, once again, she’s right. “Did you get her number at least?”

I slap my forehead, how can I be so stupid? “No, I didn’t”, in the most mature expression of herself, she throws a raspberry to me.  

“Then you know what to do honey. Listen, I have to go right now, I’ll tell mom you’re alright, and the next time I hear from you, you should’ve get her number and asked her out. Am I clear?” I silently nod. “I can’t see you nodding bitch, but I’ll take that silence as a yes. Do what you have to do, and don’t call me until you have something for me.”

In the pit of the night you used to pull me so close

And then you’d hold me so tight

“Alright, I will… Love you Morgaine” I laugh, and she throws another raspberry. We say goodbye and finish the call. It takes a call to Blair, 30 minutes, a home delivery of Panda Express and what was left of my sanity, but I get Brianna’s number. And another half an hour for me to write and rewrite a single message before pushing the send button.

Kameron: Hi Bri… it’s Kameron, how are you?

Then, I waited… and waited, and finally ate the food before my nervousness decided to chew my stomach. I was about to finish my noodles when the telephone finally rang.

Brianna: Hey Kam! I’d usually ask how did you get my number…

Brianna: then I remembered it was you, and you always find a way to find me -blushing emoji-

I can’t help smiling at that message, she’s right, I always find a way to get back to her, but this time I’ll make this is the last time I have to look for her.

Kameron: said like that, makes me look like a stalker jk

Brianna: -smiling emoji- you’re not a stalker, you’re just persistent

Kameron: I’ll take that as a compliment

Brianna: I’ve missed you Kammy…

Kameron: I’ve missed you too Bri…

Brianna: how did this happened?

Kameron: we’re both idiots

Brianna: True… can I?

Kameron: yeah, absolutely

Brianna: your parents’?

Kameron: positive… u comin’?

Brianna: I’m already outside.

I nearly drop the food on my attempt to stand up. I toss the box on the coffee table and jump over it to reach the door. When I open the door, Bri is there, a hand in the pocket of her pixie jeans, hair tied in a pink ribbon and a light blouse that shows the best parts of her curves. She smiles shyly, and I just hold her arm and bring her in.

You’re the one girl I’ll never forget

Somebody bless all these girls and everything that they do

But damn me and curse me for still needing you

[kimonobeat]

aiko bon “Profile Interview” Chapter 6 (1/3)

My DJ days to my debut: In order to sing professionally

aiko opened the doors to a professional career as an artist, all while living a full life as a DJ. Though she still felt very passionate about singing, multiple challenges awaited her.

(Thank you parasmichael for the commission!)

ーDid you start up your music activities in earnest once you graduated from junior college with the hopes of becoming a professional?

aiko: Yeah, I wrote songs and did concerts.

ーWere you solo then? Or were you in a band?

aiko: I was never in any bands after graduating. I did everything solo. My friends helped out when I held concerts, though.

ーDid you have any part-time jobs?

aiko: Yes. I had a part-time job as a DJ that I’d had since I was in music school. I kept working there even after I graduated.

ーWhat got you started as a radio DJ?

aiko: There was this producer from FM OSAKA who came to see me every now and then when I was in the “Teens Music Festival”. He gave me his business card back  then. I got a phone call from him about half a year later where he invited me to go get a coffee with him. I went; I was totally stoked. “We’re doing an audition for our radio program,” he told me when I got there. “Why don’t you try out?” I panicked at that but then we got to talking, and he was like, “Go on, just try and chit-chat.” There was an actual DJ thereーthey were doing an audition to find someone to pair him up with. That DJ was this super professional, amazing guy named Yaguchi Kiyoharu. For my audition, I put on “Primal” by ORIGINAL LOVE and did a track-by-track introduction. Every time I talked, the studio standing outside the window would chuckle.

ーDid you say something funny?

aiko: Nah, I don’t remember saying anything funny at all. I was a total amateurーso I guess that must’ve been kinda funny. (laughs) I had zero clue what a radio DJ was supposed to be like and it was my very first radio audition. Not to mention, I never went to school for that. I was just talking as myself. The next day, I got a phone call saying they decided to put me on the program. The only thing I managed to say was, “WHAT!?”

ーYou’ve loved and listened to the radio since you were a little kid though. Maybe you were an ‘amateur’, but I’m sure you must’ve picked up on some key points.

aiko: Maybe you’re right… I really did listen to the radio a lot. As a kid, it didn’t matter if I was super duper playful and bubbly at school. When I got home I’d hole myself up in my room and listen to the radio. Sometimes I thought about the things I’d do if I were a DJ while I listened along. I also used to leave these really long messages on my friends’ answering machines of me talking like I was a DJ. I even added commercials in the middleーI’d go, “Chara Cha-chara, Cha-cha-cha!” like a commercial jingle. (laughs)

ーSo what kind of radio show did you do for your celebration-worthy first job as a DJ?

aiko: It was a music program called “Count Down Kansai TOP40” that ran on Mondays from 3 to 5 AM. I introduced top 40 songs on that week’s charts, and between songs I’d read postcards from my listeners or talk about artist information. Basically, an abbreviated version of another show that played on different weekday from 12 to 8 PM about the top 100. I had originally auditioned to be the assistant for the super long 12-8 PM program, but since I did such a great job chatting them up, they thought I’d be a better fit for the late-night sister program.

ーBut I’m sure you must’ve felt like there was a lot of pressure on you having to talk all by yourself as a brand new DJ, didn’t you?

aiko: It was really tough at first. We recorded ahead of time during the very beginning, but that was hard too. They’d get mad but I had no idea what they were mad at me for, although I do now. I’d just talk in circles, and sometimes I’d do that one thing no DJ is ever supposed to do: say, “Uhh… Uhh…” (laughs wryly) So at the beginning, I would cry because I was upset the entire time, and then I’d go home.

ーDid you ever have guests on the show?

aiko: Yes I did. The show just kept changing and changing, so before long we started having guests on the show. We recorded the guest segments every week in the afternoon because our show aired so late at night, so quite a few different people joined us. My very first guests were Kato Hisashi and Rolly from 21st Century Stars. I was super nervous because I used to really love THE COLLECTORS, though. Oh, and Eguchi Yosuke, and Chii (Moritaka Chisato). But separately because this was before they got married, of course. (laughs) We also had Nakatani Miki right after she’d debuted, GLAY, and Bonnie Pink. Oh, and Yuzuーthey really gave our conversation an honest effort. I thought Yagucchan (Yaguchi Mari) from Momusu was cute in the purest sense of the word, too.

ーDid you also go by “aiko” when you were a DJ?

aiko: Yeah, written in English letters like it is now. I can’t remember if it was all uppercase or lowercase though. I’ve never tried to come up with another name, I just thought I’d keep using ‘aiko’ forever. When I was on the radio I’d always say, “This is your DJ aiko. Thanks for tuning in.” I carried personal business cards for the radio station that said “FM OSAKA aiko Count Down Kansai TOP40” with me pretty much all the time, which I was constantly trading with promoters. (laughs)

ーDid you find it interesting to listen to your guests talk as the interviewer?

aiko: I did sometimes, but… well… Most of the time I found myself thinking, “Wow, they’re a nice person” whenever I met somebody instead of, “That’s interesting.” There were also a lot other things that I found difficult about it. Like, I would accidentally end up talking about myself. The people coming on the show are artists, right? I wanted to be a singer too, so I’d start talking about the things I did because I wanted to be a singer. Oftentimes there’d be these sobering moments where they’d say, “Enough talking about yourself, get your guest to talk.” Some people talked about things that had a lasting impact on me though, like right around the time I’d written an indies release and said, “Recording is always a blast!” Hamazaki Takashi (formerly of Flying Kids) said, “It gets to be tough after your 3rd release, so you’d better prepare yourself. It’s tough. This is the only time it’ll be fun for you.” I was like, “What, seriously!?” I was so dismayed when he said that. I still enjoy recording to this day. If I ever see him again, I’d like to tell him that I still have fun recording. (laughs) So yeah, I had all kinds of people on the show. I learned a lot.

ーI’m sure it wasn’t all fun and games, though. Was it ever just a big pain?

aiko: Oh, pleeeenty of times. (laughs) It got to be pretty exhausting when everyone was in the middle of promoting something. My schedule would get so crazy; some people didn’t even talk. (laughs) That was pretty rough. I thought I’d just be talking about singles and albums. I think you get your point across with magazines because only so much of it makes it into print. There’s like… room to breathe, you know? You can talk about dumb stuff, but there’s also space to talk about music. And you can re-read it as needed.

ーYou can’t really do that with radio though, can you?

aiko: Right. If you’ve got 10 minutes on air, then you either do or don’t leave an impression on the people listening during those 10 minutes. “Wow, there’s this one phrase in the chorus of the 3rd song that’s really great!” You can say that, but it’s hard for the people listening to the radio to understand. If I had to describe it, I’d say the concept was for the guests to have a little bit of fun, forget all about promoting for a moment and talk about something dumb, and play a good amount of music.

ーA balance between moderately laid-back, and moderately musical.

aiko: Yeah, yeah. It depends on the artist, but there were definitely people who wanted to make sure we talked. Some people looked at the cue sheets I made and say, “Mind if we change this? Do you mind asking me about the concept behind my album here?” That’s fine for all the die-hard fans, but it doesn’t hold much weight for all the new people tuning in, you  know? They wanna hear you talk about normal and familiar stuff. That’s why I think it’s important to go from talking about that to, “Why don’t we listen to your CD?”

ーThat’s true. You have no idea exactly who’s listening.

aiko: That’s why I’m pretty no-nonsense and honest when I give my thoughts on an album I’ve heard. Let’s say I had someone who played music on the show. I’d say, “You know, I really get the feeling you were pretty violent and rowdy making this album compared to your previous ones.” Thenーcome to find outーthey think that’s a good thing! “That’s interesting. You nailed it,” they tell me. Our talk ends up turning into something totally different from the usual, something even their fans didn’t expect. Occasionally that would get people talking even though they wouldn’t normally talk much. Of course, some people won’t talk either way. That used to made me cry. (laughs) Every now and then you get funny people who ignore everything during the talk segment and just talk your ear off, though.

ーDid you ever get really nervous because you had an artist you really liked on the show as a guest?

aiko: Oh yes. I was when I had Kato from The Collectors as a guest. And most definitely with KAN. I felt something end inside of me when KAN came on the show as a guest. I thought for a moment there, “Oh man, my life is over.” I turned into such a wuss.

ーYou liked him so much that it got in the way of being a DJ?

aiko: I just couldn’t do it. Honestly, at first it didn’t matter who it wasーpart of me felt like it was really presumptuous of me to interject with my opinion about someone’s music. Things that are good aren’t  just ‘good’, you know? Radio is one of those things where you’ve gotta have something you wanna say, though, so I try to say something. I’m the kind of person who gets more and more long-winded the more I try to get something across. I was so incredibly nervous that I kind of wanted them to send me home. In fact, I was so nervous that I still remember the clothes I was wearingーI was wearing a flared gingham check skirt, a MILK blouse, and some Vivian boots… My nervousness was through the roof. I thought I was gonna die. (laughs)

ーWere you able to talk to KAN like you did with all your other guests?

aiko: Yeah, I was. I couldn’t handle it though. KAN is one of those people who could talk about anything you throw his way. The whole time I was thinking to myself, “What was I thinking about just now? Oh god, what do I do?” I’d be fine doing it now, though. ...No wait, I’m just saying that because he’s not here. I bet I’d still probably be totally hopeless if I were to meet him again now. (laughs)

ーDid KAN ever come back as a guest after that?

aiko: He was a guest on the show about 4 times. I was also introduced to him in his dressing room when I went to his concert once. We talked a little bit then. He had me on his television show once as well. I’ve met him about 10 times now but I still act exactly the same as when I met him for the first time. I can’t bring myself to say hi, I can’t tell jokes. I’m just like, “Oh, excuse me, excuse me, yes, yes.” I think KAN already knows just how fundamentally lame I can be sometimes, though. I think he sort of forgives me for being so flustered and silent the first time we met.

ーI bet you listened to all kinds of music while you were DJ-ing!

aiko: I did! Up until that point I only listened to what I liked. But then I started listening to the “TOP40” every week and also made sure to listen to my guests’ new releases.

ーHow long did you end up doing the radio show before your debut?

aiko: I started doing “Count Down Kansai TOP 40” and “Poppin' Tengoku MUSIC Stadium” when I was in junior college. “Young Young MUSIC MAX” started just a little bit before I released my indies album “astral box”. It was the sister show to a radio program that had both musicians and comedians on it called “Young Town”. I introduced music on that program too, but I also had a guest segment, a jokes segment, and a segment called “aiko’s Path to OSJ Hall!”.

ーWas it like an “I’ve got my eyes on Osakajo Hall!” kind of thing, or?

aiko: Yeah, exactly. “What should aiko do to sing at Osakajo Hall? I’m gonna work hard until I get there!” I was just sort of a running joke at first. Then they actually said I could sing in this event called the “Young Town Festival”. When I sang “DO YOU THINK ABOUT ME?” at Osakajo Hall, the faces of all the staff members from when I did the “Path to OSJ Hall!” segment came to mind. And I remembered what people wrote on the postcards they sent in. I remember thinking, “Wow, I actually stood on stage at Osakajo Hall!!!” I was in a huge hurry right before the event started thoughーI was like, “Oh my god, I’m gonna be late!”

ーYou were late to your big moment?

aiko: Yeah. I was so nervous I accidentally overslept. So then I called my dad in tears: “Dad, what do I do now!?” He decided to pick me up in his car but we were in SUCH a hurry and I was feeling so hopeless, I just wailed in the car. “Don’t cry! This is all your fault!” my dad said. And I was like, “...Okay.” Even though I ended up being an hour late, they were still just rehearsing so everything was fine in the end. I honestly had no idea what I would’ve done, though. That’s the absolute only time I’ve ever been late before or after. The other blessing in disguise was that I’d made sure to prepare the clothes I was gonna wear at the event the night beforeーan orange T-shirt and navy blue sweatpants. That orange T-shirt was the same one I wore in the music video for “Naki Mushi”. (laughs) I didn’t have a stylist back then, so I wore clothes over and over again.

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[humansofhds]

Eliot Davenport, MTS '18

“Recently, I have realized that, at the bottom of everything, I came to the study of South Asian religion and Indian philosophy because I couldn’t imagine not reading Sanskrit every day.”

Eliot graduated in 2018 from the MTS program at HDS and is currently applying to PhD programs in South Asian and Religious Studies departments, where she will continue to study Sanskrit and Indian philosophy.

Leaving the Bubble

I am Texan, through and through. I was born and raised in Fort Worth. Same house, same school, same all-the-things for my whole childhood. Religion tied into my life in an early way. When my mom found out she was going to have kids, she thought, “What was important to me when I was small? The Church!” So she immediately started attending again, and my sister and I were raised in the Episcopal Church. My mom worked as the secretary to the rector, so we ended up going to the church school for K-12. It was sort of a bubble of a life.

For most of my life, I wanted to be a priest. Whenever anybody asked me what I wanted to do I would say, “I want to be an Episcopal priest,” and they’d be like “Great, except that you’re a lady.” Turns out that I totally could have, but my diocese was very not progressive. It was stagnant. I didn’t know that women could be clergy until I went off to college and I had already changed my plan at that point. I was good at math and I thought I’d just be an engineer, so I moved to College Station and earned my bachelors of science in civil and ocean/coastal engineering at Texas A&M.

Once I found out about female clergy I called my parents and I was like “what the heck, I could have done this!” They suggested that I put a pin in it and try out the engineering thing. So I did—I worked as an engineer in Austin for about five years. But I still always thought I wanted to go to seminary. About a year into the formal discernment process in the Episcopal Diocese of Texas, I thought, “Wait, that’s not what I want after all. Turns out I want to study Sanskrit.” And everybody said, “Excuse me, what?” That’s how I ended up coming to Massachusetts in a nutshell.

Serendipitous Encounters

When I moved to Austin to begin my first real job after graduating from Texas A&M, I realized that engineering had taken up my whole life. I just felt like I didn’t have much of a personality outside of my education and career. So I started to do a bunch of stuff, thinking that year that I would do literally anything that came my way hoping that something would catch me and hold tight. One day somebody said that I should go to a yoga class. I initially thought, “No thanks,’ but something changed and I walked into one, some free class somewhere, and it just stuck. It became my thing.

A couple of years later I started yoga teacher training and was introduced to Sanskrit. From the moment we started learning proper syllable pronunciation, I was hooked. I realized that if I intended to be a yoga teacher who said the names of poses in Sanskrit and spoke with any sense of authority about anything related to the Yoga Sutras, then I better be able to read them as a primary source and not just as an English translation. So, at the suggestion of Professor Clooney, I applied to the University of Texas to try my hand at first-year Sanskrit, and three years later here I am applying for PhD programs.

I started practicing yoga in 2012. I became one of those people who practiced multiple times a day, then I started teaching, and then I quit my full-time engineering job all-together. Then I came here (HDS), and it disappeared from my life. I didn’t grieve the loss of this thing that I had loved; it was just that it's time sort of ended for me. I still do it from time to time, and I’ve started doing it more since graduating. Although yoga is the thing that introduced me to Sanskrit, my relationship to yoga is different now. For me it is physical. I don’t buy into the way that people are trying to package a spiritual experience and a bodily experience all at once. After coming to HDS, I separated the philosophy, the language, and then finally the actual physical practice, so when I do it now I do it just to feel good in my body.

I usually don’t get a lot of good reactions when I tell people this story. Overall there seems to be a sense that this undeniably modern avenue into the world of studying religion, South Asia, and Sanskrit somehow indicates an inability to take it seriously. People have mixed reactions to the idea that the billion dollar, stretchy-pants yoga boom could lead somebody into the academic study of religion, but it did for me and I hope others are lucky enough to let it do the same for them.

Learning Curve

Engineering school never felt right. I never really meshed with that culture. Honestly, even when I thought I was going to be a priest, that didn’t feel quite right either. And then I walked into that first class of beginner Sanskrit at UT and I was like “Oh! I found the thing, and it’s not a place, or a particular career; it’s this other new thing that I’m so glad I ran into.” It was a beautiful accident. And I’m thankful for it, every day.

Because my first year at HDS was also my first year in the humanities, my time here was like a compressed undergraduate education. There was a huge learning curve. I mean, my first paper in my life that was longer than three pages was my first paper here at HDS. So, I had to give myself time and space to properly develop an idea of what I wanted to do. Even now I can say more easily what I don’t want to do than what I do want to do, whether it’s in regard to a simple term paper or a future book. My dearest friend back in Austin teases me that I went from wanting to do everything in all the libraries in all over the world to wanting to do something in all of the libraries on one continent, and now I’m trying to shrink it down to one country, one city, and perhaps a single library.

Recently, I have realized that, at the bottom of everything, I came to the study of South Asian religion and Indian philosophy because I couldn’t imagine not reading Sanskrit every day. This whole world didn’t initially open up to me through English translations of Sanskrit texts or even from the mouths of my professors. I became familiar with some of India’s epic narratives and philosophical works simply by reading them in the language in which they were meant to be heard and read. In fact, it was only after my second full year of language study that I was finally asked to think critically about them from a non-language-based perspective. This perhaps odd way of doing things, learning the language before knowing what my academic questions might be, has certainly affected the way I study. I’ve finally zeroed in on the thing I love reading the most: Indian philosophy. In particular I’m interested in epistemology, philosophy of language, theories of sensory experience, and the efficacy of sound as a source of knowledge. I’m interested in not just what these philosophers had to say, but also the intricacies of how they chose to say it. What do they have to say about language and how, in turn, do they utilize language to do so? For a lot of people, it probably sounds like the most boring thing in the world. But this is what’s captured my imagination, so I am just going with it.

Hidden Motivations

In my last semester, I took a class with Professor Hallisey about Buddhism and modern fiction. In this course, it was incredible to me how we were all presented with the same paper prompts and every single one of us wrote on distinctly different topics for each. When we were asked “What is the author of this novel asking us to reflect on?” each of us zeroed in on such fascinating and differing topics that it made me wonder if we’d even read the same book.

In the final paper for that class, the basic question was: Why read fiction at all? I started thinking about how fiction forces us not only to look into the minds of different authors, but also to dive deep into our own brains to see what we’re reflecting on. Fiction is a conduit for us to live other lives and see what in those lives is important to us. I wrote about grief and loss for one assignment and about the human tendency to self-deceive for another. As I wrote the final, I thought back and self-psychoanalyzed a bit, realizing that those topics are things that are always present in my mind. I was totally unaware of this while I was reading the novels and writing the individual papers. All this to say that this class changed the way I want to approach the works of certain Indian philosophers. In addition to looking at what they were trying to convey through their arguments, I want to analyze the ways in which they were attempting to convey it in order to gain insight into their world. Perhaps this insight may be able to add to our own experience in unexpected ways.

What is it that I think I’m going to discover there? I don’t know. But I want to get into their brains and I want to know why they chose to talk about the things they chose to talk about. Who were they? What was important to them? What motivated them to write these difficult, intense, complicated things? The engineering side of my brain wants to break down the structure of the texts, the specific sentences, words, and letters. But I also want to put the puzzle pieces together of what they were thinking about on the surface to see what they may have been thinking about below it. Hopefully it leads me somewhere I can’t quite yet imagine.

Elton John

I played the piano competitively for a long time. I started really young because The Lion King was my favorite movie. I remember walking out of the film and being like, “Mom—that music! Who wrote it?” And she told me “Elton John!” I said “I’m going to marry Elton John.” She replied by saying, “Do you want to play the piano?” Soon after that I started to play and still do just for fun. Elton John came here last fall when he was awarded the Harvard Foundation’s Peter J. Gomes Humanitarian, and I finally had the chance to see him in person after 25 years. It was amazing.

Interview and photos by Anaïs Garvanian

[jimsturgessnews]

Actor Jim Sturgess, recently seen in BBC drama Hard Sun with Agyness Deyn, divides his time between Hollywood movies and songwriting. He talks to The Cork about constantly getting beaten up, the similarities between film and music, and swapping his skateboard T-shirts for a bespoke English Cut suit. As a fixture on the red carpet at Hollywood film premieres, Jim Sturgess has had to get used to being decked out by brands. “I remember the first time I got put in a suit,” the Wandsworth-born actor recalls. “I got on my bike the next day and delivered it back to them. They were like, ‘No, no, it’s yours, you can have it.’ I was like, ‘Are you joking?’” Even now, selecting from English Cut’s vast menu is a novel experience for someone accustomed to choosing from a rail of off-the-peg suits. “It’s like ordering a salad in America,” he says of the bespoke process, speaking like a man who spends extended periods of time in health-conscious Los Angeles for work. “You have a million options: do you want three buttons or two? I got quite into it. You start off thinking, ‘Oh, I don’t mind.’ Then you go, ‘Actually, let me see what pleated trousers look like … ’” After chewing it over, Sturgess settled on a rustic dark green. “I have a load of black and grey suits, so it was a chance to create something a bit different,” he explains. “It’s got a sort of tweed feel, a bit boxier than I’d typically go for … I’m sounding like a pro now, aren’t I?” His self-conscious laugh betrays that tailoring is not his, well, strong suit. “I live in Dickies trousers and a pair of white canvas shoes,” confesses the fresh-faced 39-year-old, who could comfortably pass for a twentysomething and still dresses, by his own admission, like a teenage skateboarder, even if he no longer actually skates in the park like he did when he was a teenager growing up in Surrey. “I sort of still think that I do, but I don’t,” he says. “Last year, I was messing around on my board, and I fell off and really hurt myself. Like, it hurt and hurt for a long time. You start to learn the hard way that your body’s not the same as it once was. Plus I have to go and throw myself around and get beaten up for work. You get injuries, and it makes life pretty difficult.” “You have a million options: do you want three buttons or two? I got quite into it. You start off thinking, ‘Oh, I don’t mind.’ Then you go, ‘Actually, let me see what pleated trousers look like’” Sturgess does seem to have a history of being on the receiving end of on-screen violence, from 2008 thriller Fifty Dead Men Walking, in which he played a British agent infiltrating the IRA, with Sir Ben Kingsley as his handler, to 2016 US TV series Feed the Beast, in which he played a Bronx chef with David Schwimmer as his fellow restaurateur. “I’ve got a punchable face,” Sturgess quips. “I suppose I’m attracted to stories that have an edge. Now I just assume that’s what acting is: getting beaten up.” Most recently, he was punched in the face by model-slash-actress Agyness Deyn – with a brass knuckle – for Hard Sun. (She learnt Israeli special forces fighting system Krav Maga for the role.) Written by Neil Cross, the scribe behind Idris Elba series Luther, the pre-apocalyptic BBC series stars Sturgess and Deyn as police detectives who inadvertently uncover a government-level conspiracy to conceal the inconvenient truth that the sun is going to destroy the Earth in five years. As knowledge of impending doom becomes more widespread, the fabric of society begins to unravel. At the time of writing, Sturgess has been selling Hard Sun to audiences in America. “They get bombarded with a lot of regal stuff, and they have a particular idea of what England looks like and sounds like,” he says. “It’s nice to show another side of London – a bit more contemporary.” Less like, say, 2008’s Tudor period drama The Other Boleyn Girl, where he played the brother of Natalie Portman’s Anne and Scarlett Johansson’s Mary, with Eric Bana as Henry VIII. Besides, Hard Sun is “very international”, even if it’s set in the UK: “If you live on this planet, you’re definitely involved.” Hard Sun also involved Sturgess wearing a suit every day, something he’d usually only do on special occasions. “It killed the joy,” he says. “I remember going to the Baftas, so I got out of one suit that I’d been wearing for months and put on another. Normally I’m pretty scruffy, so to put on a suit is quite a big change. It’s nice to put something on occasionally and feel a bit … You just feel different in a suit, don’t you?” Sturgess feels different whenever he gets into costume for a role. “It’s when the character comes alive, when you put on his clothes and the shoes that he wears,” he says. “It’s your identity. When you put on a different pair of shoes, you feel like a different version of yourself. So it’s really not until you put the costume on, clothes that you’ve specifically chosen to represent the character, that you understand, ‘OK, this is who he is.’” It’s surprising to hear that it all comes together at that late a stage, albeit after much planning and research. “Yeah, for sure,” insists Sturgess. “It’s always a very exciting moment, actually, when you go, ‘All right, there he is. That’s the way he’s going to look.’” One of Sturgess’s most sartorially memorable roles was the one furthest removed from any semblance of fashion: 2010’s The Way Back, inspired by the memoir of a Polish officer who claimed to have escaped from a Siberian gulag during WWII and trekked 4,000 miles across the Himalayas to British India. (A 2006 Radio 4 documentary questioned the veracity of the account, although there is evidence that someone did do the walk – just not the author.) “One of the great things that the survival expert told us was that you would never throw anything away,” remembers Sturgess. “So you wouldn’t get rid of your jacket, even in the desert – you’d cut it up and wear it as a headband.” Sturgess went straight from that to 2011’s One Day, the adaptation of the then-unavoidable David Nicholls novel with the instantly recognisable orange cover. Over the course of two decades of on-off romance with Anne Hathaway’s Emma, his character Dexter graduates from student to successful 90s TV personality. “Suddenly I’m in a tight pair of leather trousers and a giant jacket,” Sturgess laughs. “You couldn’t feel more different. And the clothes definitely navigate those feelings.” Those feelings were more combative in the case of London Fields, the adaptation of the Martin Amis novel also starring Billy Bob Thornton, Johnny Depp and Amber Heard, which has been trapped in legal limbo since 2015 after the director sued the producers for allegedly releasing their own cut (panned by the few critics who saw it). Sturgess played petty criminal and pub darts virtuoso Keith Talent, covered in tattoos and a grimy beard that made him feel “a bit tastier than I probably was”. This nearly proved disastrous when someone almost ran him over in a car: “I got really aggressive with him, and quickly realised that he was double my size.” Still, at least he’s used to being beaten up. Sturgess’ own sartorial identity was influenced by American skateboarding culture. “Certainly, when I was in my teenage years, I was very skateboard-heavy in my fashion,” he says. “And now most people look like skateboarders. It blows my mind that the standard footwear is a pair of Vans. Because when I was younger only someone who was into skateboarding would wear Vans.” He’s similarly bemused that lowly streetwear brands have ascended to the height of fashion, and that kids now queue round the block and overnight for the latest product drop at the Supreme store he used to wander into when it was just a skate shop. At the same time though, he totally gets it. “I remember my mum trying to put me into a pair of shoes that weren’t Converse All Stars,” he says. “They looked exactly the same, and they’d probably be way cooler now, but I was mortified. I was like, ‘No, they have to be Converse.’ My mum was like, ‘But they’re too expensive. These one look exactly the same – they’ve even got a star.’ And I was in tears: ‘Mum, you don’t understand. I can’t wear these to school: I’ll get crucified.’” The other major key to Sturgess’s wardrobe choices was music. He started a band when he was 15, singing and playing bongos in pubs despite being under-age. When school and the band finished, he went to the University of Salford to study media and performance, and be closer to the Manchester music scene. “There were a lot of jackets done up to the top and desert boots,” he says. “I miss that different kinds of music were so influential in the way people dressed. It was almost like a gang mentality: you’d have mods, you’d have rockers, you’d have two-tone … And now everyone looks roughly the same. But maybe that’s because I’m just hanging out with 40-year-old men. I don’t know.” Sturgess was as obsessed with films growing up as he was records. “Even at school, drama and music were the two things I was interested in,” he says. His uni course taught him scriptwriting, editing and theatre production as well as acting; he wrote and performed a one-man show called Buzzin’ that brought him to the attention of an agent, who encouraged him to move to London. Instead of kickstarting his acting career, he got into the Camden music scene and started a band called Saint Faith, taking bit parts in TV and ads to pay the rent. When they broke up, Sturgess was cast in 2007’s Across the Universe, a film musical based on Beatles songs and a perfect fit for his skill set. The common thread between music and acting is creativity and, perhaps not obviously in the latter’s case, self-expression. “It’s interesting because they’re very similar and totally opposite at the same time,” says Sturgess. “When you’re writing and playing music, it’s completely you, naked and bare; when you’re acting, you’re pretending to be somebody else. But you use your own emotions and life experiences to try and relate to the character. At the same time, people behind a microphone are playing some sort of a character. They might tell you that they’re not, but there is a level of performance that isn’t you while you’re just sitting with your mum and dad having a roast dinner.” Sturgess describes his diversion into acting as “circumstantial”; even now that he’s a star, music remains a big part of his life. “I’ve got a little studio at home, and then a lot of my friends are musicians,” he says. Over the years and the various bands, he’s amassed a vast quantity of unreleased material; he’s just now really putting his mind to doing something that might actually get out there. “I just want to finish a cohesive record that kind of has a beginning, a middle and an end,” he says. “Not just a load of scratchy demos that are all just lying around that could potentially grow into something great.” Songwriting inspiration can strike Sturgess in different ways. “Sometimes it’s just a thought,” he says. “Sometimes you’ll be messing around on the guitar and a little melody comes into your head, but you have no idea what the song’s about. Sometimes it’s lyrics: you build a song around the words first. Sometimes you can hear a drum loop, someone starts messing around with some melodies and then you just start singing on top.” Either way, it tends to be followed by a great deal more perspiration: “the grinding bit”. Sometimes Sturgess will know from the first page of a script how he’ll play a character – and sometimes not. “I’ve been offered things and I’m like, ‘I don’t know why you’re asking me to do this,’” he admits. “And that’s always quite exciting because it’s out of your comfort zone. You have to build a character, and change the way you speak and move.” For that, he accesses a database being constantly compiled. “Sometimes you’ve got a character in your head that you’d love to find a story for, and then you read something and go, ‘I could put that into this,’” he says. “Or you’ve noticed somebody on the Tube: ‘That’s interesting, the way he is.’ Then you read something and go, ‘I could use a bit of that.’” Getting noticed on the Tube is not something that Sturgess has to worry about – not even on buses with a picture of his face on the side. “Nobody’s that interested, really, so it’s very grounding,” he says. “In LA, people are very excited about movies, it’s an city built around the movie industry, and actors are kind of the commodity of that industry. So you feel a bit of treatment that you definitely don’t get when you come home.” London brings him back down to earth with a bump: “I’m very quickly getting knocked over on the Underground.” He tells an anecdote about a foreign tourist at King’s Cross who kept saying to him, “You’re a star, you’re a star.” Turned out she was looking for the Eurostar. That probably has more to do with Sturgess’s down-to-earthness than any lack of profile. Certainly, though, his flight path has brought him into the orbit of some massive stars. Like Tom Hanks, his co-star on 2012’s Cloud Atlas, who Sturgess describes as “the nicest guy you could possibly imagine” (exactly how you’d imagine him, then). “He took it on himself to organise a movie night every Sunday at his apartment in Berlin,” Sturgess says. “He’d order loads of food and put out the word to the cast and crew. And we’d all pile round there, hungover from Saturday night, to sit on his couch and watch movies.” Hanks would also talk with Sturgess about music: “He knew quite a lot about hip-hop.” Ed Harris, his co-star on The Way Back, is another. “He was one of the first actors that I worked with who I was so in awe of, and who became a friend, which was amazing,” says Sturgess. “He really took me under his wing, we bonded and we’ve stayed in touch ever since.” A surreal scene ensued in a hotel in New Orleans where the pair were working together for a second time, on 2017’s Geostorm. “We bumped into Billy Bob Thornton, who I’d just done a film with in London, in the foyer of the hotel,” says Sturgess. “We were in an elevator – a lift – and I introduced Ed Harris to Billy Bob Thornton. And I was just standing in the middle of two of the coolest dudes I know.” Sturgess doesn’t know what the future holds, beyond the release of two films that he shot after Hard Sun. The first, JT Leroy, is the strange but true story of a woman, played by Laura Dern, who writes a fictional memoir in the persona of a 15-year-old boy. When it becomes a literary sensation, she convinces the younger sister of her boyfriend, played by Kristen Stewart and Sturgess respectively, to masquerade as the non-existent male author – for six years. The second, Berlin, I Love You, is an anthology of 10 romantic stories set in the German capital and the latest in the series that began with 2006’s Paris Je T’’Aime; Dame Helen Mirren and Keira Knightley grace the ensemble cast. “It always surprises you,” Sturgess says of his fluid profession. “Which I quite like. What’s going to happen next? What sort of story am I going to be involved in telling?” Back in his normal “scruffy” clothes, he blends into the Chiltern Street foot traffic like a chameleon, just another anonymous extra in the movies of everyone else’s lives.  (credit)

[lordendsavior]

Olly Alexander, the frontman of the British band Years & Years, has blood-red dyed hair. He wears a brass safety pin through one ear and sometimes grins so widely, so wildly, that the edges of his mouth seem to disappear around his narrow, fine-boned face. What soon draws the eye is a scar on his forehead. “I ran into a brick wall as a kid,” the 27-year-old says over lunch at a cafe in London. He touches the scar. “I was playing at being a Power Ranger. Ouch.”

These days, Alexander plays at being a pop star – and on the surface, at least, it seems like a game that’s going well for him. With the launch of their first album in 2015, Years & Years enjoyed a really remarkable few months. They were named BBC Sound of 2015 in January, promptly going to No 1 in the UK singles chart in March, and likewise topping the album chart in July. The band’s propulsive, 90s-nostalgic dance pop (like Disclosure or Clean Bandit, only up the randiness and add a little disco) caught on. And Alexander made a quick Meghan Markle-like ascent to something like pop royalty. “One of the most influential gay pop stars of this generation,” the Gay Times wrote. “All hail the King!”

Years & Years are a three-piece – also made up of keyboard and synth player Emre Türkmen and bassist Mikey Goldsworthy – but it has always been clear that Alexander is the band’s guiding force, their chief lyricist, a Gaga-like taker of risks when he performs and a political voice, off stage, who has an appealing, glitter-speckled sense of activism. A pithy and witty speaker on LGBTQ+ rights, Alexander has also opened up engagingly about his struggles with mental health. “A lifeline to troubled young people,” the Observer wrote of him, in 2016, around the same time that Years & Years played at Glastonbury. There, Alexander wore an oversized choirboy smock strung front and back with rainbow-coloured ribbons – it was Pride weekend – and made a widely admired speech about battling prejudice. “Shove a rainbow in fear’s face,” was how he put it.

Musicians must pray for debuts like this – to come over credible, commercial, with real-world clout. No brick walls clattered into, no obvious “Ouch” moments. Or were there?

Years & Years are almost done on their second album, due this summer, and from the demos I’ve heard the new music admits a brittleness and vulnerability in Alexander that wasn’t so obvious on the 2015 debut. He is still a fabulous and steely man when in pop-star mode (at the photoshoot, he prowls around in heels and a collared lace bodysuit that make him resemble a steampunk, space-bound Queen Elizabeth I), but he cuts a shyer and less certain figure at lunch.

He arrived with a cigarette pushed behind his ear, and smoked it outside with quick, jittery puffs. Now he hunches over a salad, an elbows-in kind of eater and a nervous giggler. Of his pop-mode confidence, he says, “I wish I carried that around with me in my day-to-day life. But I don’t.” He’s wearing a pair of dungarees that he likes, he says, because they feel “like clothes that give you back a hug”.

As Alexander eats, he talks about what happened in the aftermath of that famous Glastonbury performance, once he was out of public sight. The band had been cheered off, a career high. And once backstage, the musician recalls, he sat down and wept. Inconsolable, feeling lower than he’d been in months. “It happens,” he shrugs. “A falling off a cliff. The pendulum swings.”

“When I was younger,” Alexander says, “I thought that if you were famous and successful, it would mean that you just felt happy all the time. That you would become, like, this mystical creature that people just adored. And so you would adore yourself.”

Alexander doesn’t always make eye contact, and he addresses this next bit at the napkin dispenser between us.

“Obviously I realise how ridiculous that sounds. But it wasn’t until our album got to No 1 that I realised I still believed in it. We’d basically won the lottery. I felt like I’d won the lottery. And at the same time I still felt like the same person I’d always been. And all the things that I associated with my depression, and my anxiety, those periods of feeling really low, they were still there. And I was so annoyed at myself. ”

Alexander talks about first discovering the transformative, strengthening power of a good costume. It was on a trip to Disneyland, when he was nine. “The greatest experience of my life up to then,” Alexander says. “The pomp! The whole make-believe nature of that place. It was very powerful for me.People were all wearing costumes, playing characters. It was this other reality where fun things happened, more than they seemed to in real life. And I just remember wanting to be a part of something like that.”

Theme parks were a big feature of his young life. Alexander grew up living next door to them, not one but three, first Alton Towers, then Blackpool Pleasure Beach, then Drayton Manor. His father helped launch and market new rides in these places, and the family moved wherever the work was.

He was born in 1990, the younger of two sons. His mother ran community craft groups. His father, while employed in the theme parks, tended side dreams of being a professional musician. Of his father he says, cautiously: “Quite a difficult man... Definitely not happy within himself.”

Alexander is more explicit about his own early troubles. “I used to have hallucinations and hear voices and stuff as a kid. Which sounds alarming, but it’s just the way it was.” Also: “I had what would now be called sleep paralysis, from six years old until maybe I was 16. Terrifying dreams.”

His parents separated when Alexander was 13, a daunting and confusing period for him. “My dad had been very absent, even when he was there. Then he left the family and moved away. Our relationship, it feels to me, ended when I was 13.” With his mother and brother, Alexander relocated to a sleepy village in Gloucestershire called Coleford.

Part of Alexander’s conversational charm is that he’ll veer between the frank and sober discussion of the self-doubt and difficulty he experienced as a young man, into brilliantly catty and droll little anecdotes about his upbringing. Here he is, describing his first paid employment – a Saturday job in a Coleford shop called Moonstones. “We sold incense, candles, spellbooks. Um, bongs. Chocolates shaped like penises. Everything you’d need really – a one-stop shop.”

He wasn’t a popular teenager, and was bullied at his secondary school in Coleford just as he had been at his old primary schools. He marvels, thinking back, at his response to this. “I started wearing eyeliner to school. Nail varnish. Choker necklaces.” He put on a costume: a counter-intuitive form of self-defence. “I’d been bullied for years and all I wanted was for that to stop. But at the same time I had this sense that I was different, I was weird, and wearing makeup and crazy clothes was my way of trying to find an identity, in the face of people who were going to rip me apart anyway.”

What brought him out of his “goth phase”, as he calls it, was the music. Alexander chuckles. “I could never really get on board with the bands you were supposed to like.” He couldn’t shake the love for pop music he’d developed as a pre-teen, when pop bands would visit the theme parks his dad worked for. “Remember [the Irish pop band] B*Witched? They came to open a ride once. Then Steps – I got all their autographs.” So when it was time for the school talent show, Alexander chose to sing a TLC song. At home he obsessed over Christina Aguilera videos. He was pop through and through, and wanted to be a star in the mould of all these heroes.

Half by accident, he embarked on a different artistic career first. At 16, Alexander auditioned for the Channel 4 drama Skins, and was in talks about a role. The job didn’t materialise until he was well into his 20s, when he was cast as a creepy student photographer, but meanwhile his agent put him up for other stuff. By the time he’d finished his A-levels and moved to London, he was getting varied work – in Gaspar Noé’s Enter The Void and Laura Wade’s The Riot Club and a corporate video for Google, playing a confused consumer who didn’t know how much he needed the advice of a really good search engine. Probably his peak as an actor came in 2012 when he was cast in a Michael Grandage production, Peter And Alice, alongside Judi Dench and Ben Whishaw.

This West End run coincided, in Alexander’s breezy telling, with the busiest period in his romantic career. “Lot of sex.” He had known that he fancied boys from the age of about 10, though the concept of being gay was something only introduced to him via playground insult; he can remember drawing stick figures in a geography textbook, bewildered, trying to figure out how two men could ever even manage it. These days, Alexander says, “my sexuality is part of my music, part of my identity”, but this was a clunky journey in its early phases and it wasn’t until he arrived in London and got into a first relationship, with the brother of a friend, that he felt he could properly come out to those closest to him.

After that – whoosh. “I figured out that I could pull, basically. It wasn’t as hard as I thought it was going to be. I realised that, actually, everyone’s pretty horny, pretty desperate at times, and all you needed to do was maintain eye contact and be confident and that was kind of it.” Since then, he’s sampled romance in many of its forms, being single and shagging a lot, being single and not shagging so much, being in an open relationship, being in a celebrity relationship (with Clean Bandit’s Neil Amin-Smith), being in a quieter relationship with somebody unknown – that was the most recent, and it came to an end about 18 months ago. What has he learned? “That the longer you’re single, the more you notice how everyone else is in a relationship. But that’s a whole other thing.”

He says he finds it harder to pull in clubs without the freedom of anonymity he used to enjoy. “I’m having much less sex than I did in my early 20s, for sure.” He’s tried the hook-up app Grindr, but the men he messaged with wouldn’t believe he was who he said he was. “So that didn’t go very well.” After years of living with flatmates, he recently moved to live on his own, in a flat in east London. “The last few months I’ve been wondering, ‘Will I just be alone, for ever? And would I be OK with that?’ I want to be OK with that.”

Thinking of how ill-informed he felt as a kid, and of the anxiety he might have been spared had he only known more and known better, Alexander has resolved to be a public figure who is as vocal and open about his sexuality as he can be. As soon as he was asked, in an early-career interview for a blog, he said he was gay. (This was actually how his beloved grandmother found out: Alexander hadn’t yet got around to telling her.) Last year, he made a BBC Three documentary, Growing Up Gay, that is still on iPlayer and gets broadcast around the world. “I get messages about it at weird times of night.”

Soon after our lunch, he’s due to give the keynote address at an annual Stonewall event. He hasn’t written his speech yet, and is still toying with points of view he might want to get across: that LGBT-inclusive sex education should be compulsory in schools; that LGBT support groups need more government funding than ever; “that yes, we can get married now, but that’s not the end of the story, that’s not gay rights done.” When the event does take place, Alexander will speak about how, as a young actor who went through media training, he was told it might be best not to speak about his sexuality at all. (“I ignored advice.”)

Alexander made an interesting choice, in 2013, when major labels started showing an interest in Years & Years. He entered therapy, specifically in anticipation of what a frontline music career might do to his fragile emotional state. Polydor were still six months from formally signing them.

He knew fame was coming, though – that early?

No, he says. But if there was a chance of the band making it, however slight, he reasoned he’d better be prepared. “And I’m grateful I made that decision. I’ve been seeing the same therapist through the whole process.” Through the band’s kick-starting anointment as the BBC Sound of 2015, then their smash No 1 single King that spring, then their No 1 album Communion that summer. “To go from zero to 100. To have an idea of what success is, your entire life, and then it happens to you. It’s overwhelming. There’s a lot of noise. And people start talking to you differently.”

Which people?

Alexander laughs, frowns – speaks at the napkins again. He starts talking about his dad, with whom Alexander went through an awkward episode after Years & Years topped the charts. By then, father and son had no relationship to speak of, Alexander says. They hadn’t said a word to each other in seven years. “And, um, my dad started tweeting at me.”

A pause. “It’s hard for me to talk about. It’s a hard issue, because it’s tied up with my family, and also his new family. I want to be respectful.”

He doesn’t sound sure whether his father even knew whether what he was doing was public; but anyway, he messaged him over Twitter, in full view of social media. “And it got really, really messy. There were some Years & Years fans who started tweeting him back, trolling my dad. He was talking back to them. It was a real head-fuck.”

However clumsy the timing and the method, was a part of Alexander gratified that he got in touch?

“The best way I can describe it is that when me and my dad last knew each other, when I was 13 or 14, that’s frozen in time for me,” he says. And back then, he continues, he couldn’t have imagined any better future for himself than becoming a pop star and having his father want to be a part of his life again. “But then he did get in contact with me. And it was then I realised that what that 13-year-old wanted, that wasn’t actually possible. Not any more.”

What did the 13-year-old want?

“I realised that a part of me wanted to be successful in music because my dad wanted to be a musician. That a part of me thought, if I became a musician and I did well, he’d be proud of me. Or he’d, y’know, be so sorry for not being the dad I wanted him to be.”

But that’s not how it felt?

No, he says. When they did come together, Alexander noticed that, “I’d become something that my dad was sort of intimidated by. I’d been wanting to be successful, in part, because I wanted to prove something to him. And when that happened, I realised it didn’t feel good, it just felt like… like I’d tricked somebody.”

Listening to demos from Years & Years’ new album, there’s a sense that fatherhood has been much on Alexander’s mind in the aftermath of this episode. Person-to-person, the musician says, he and his father “have very, very minimal contact” right now. But a dad figure stalks the new work. On one song, Alexander sings about breaking with his DNA. On another, it’s as if karmic retribution is being summoned and directed at a “daddy [who] said I never could win”.

Yeah, he says, his father was foremost in his thoughts when he wrote that one. But he’d been thinking, too, about past relationships, those various boyfriends he’d dumped or been dumped by. Alexander sees a clear thread running through it all, from parental to romantic difficulties. “I guess at its heart it’s just not really being able to trust someone who says they love you. If that’s something that’s ingrained in you, then I think it’s hard to get past that.”

We’re finished with lunch. Having travelled deeper into his psyche than he expected to – “normally I would have these mental conversations alone with myself, in my flat” – Alexander starts to wonder about another cigarette, and pats the pockets of his dungarees. I tell him that, yeah, I can see why he might choose to wear clothes that feel like they hug. He smiles.

Before we stand up and gather our things, he asks to add a couple of “bookends” to what’s been discussed. That he experienced a lot of love and support, growing up, from his mother and grandmother. (“I feel I have to say that: My mother loved me! She tried her best!”) And also that he’s profoundly grateful to music, to his band and their followers, to the rainbow smocks and lace bodysuits and the whole pop palaver, for the release-valve it has offered a troubled mind.

“There’s a lot of quite raw emotion inside me,” Alexander tells me. “Obviously. And most of the time it can only come out in these tiny little cracks. One of those cracks – that’s the music.”

[the-voice-of-hell]

Rent is Theft, part 24

Read from the beginning here, read the previous chapter here.  Note:  My MC is a Filipina trans woman and I am not.  If you have notes on that or anything else, hit me up.

                                                      ***

      The air was thick with heat.  Was it my imagination, or was the ceiling softly glowing orange?  I felt like there was a wind coming from somewhere, like what you’d imagine the wind felt like in Mount Doom that was blowing Elijah Wood’s shag around.  I felt it in my ears and it made it hard to hear myself or Leimomi.

      But I persevered, running through any faerie tales I could remember, and making them as baroque with silly details as I could manage.  The little mermaid had a waterlogged beanie baby collection with individual names, Bluebeard’s bride stuck her sisters back together with novelty Hello Kitty duct tape stolen from his sex dungeon.  I couldn’t hear a word of it outside of my thoughts.  Was I making a sound?  Was I even breathing?

      A building ache finally forced me to face biological reality again.  I had to pee.  My skin was on fire, the world was on fire, but it was still an invisible flame - nothing smoking, nothing scorching, no yellow inferno roiling out of my ruined flesh.  It was just a feeling of dangerous, alarming heat, dancing over everything.  Were there actual heat waves coming off my skin?  I couldn’t tell.  Sweat rained over my eyes and I blinked it away, but I forced myself to stand up.

      I felt like a wooden skeleton.  No muscle, just clacking fake bones.  How was I moving?  I reached the bathroom, stumbled through the door and almost fell down.  Instinctively I reached for something to hold onto.  I grabbed a dangling hand towel.

      It immediately slipped out of its perch, causing a weird floppy piece of shiny garbage to double over and splatter to the ground.  It was my improvised *redacted*  How had I not noticed it sitting where I left it, at any point in the last few days?  Where it hit the floor, a spray of green trash slime splurted out of the midsection, onto the tiles and my feet.  It smelled like a dumpster.

      I was just glad I didn’t fall on the floor, either from the incident or from despair, because I knew I would have pissed myself where I lay.  I turned to the toilet and laboriously went through the necessary motions.  In my imagination, the flushing toilet would have blown miraculously cooled pisswater back in my face, granted a moment’s surcease from the invisible flames, but no.  This air wouldn’t take moisture, and that water was probably warm enough to slow boil eggs.

      I walked again, the burning wooden skeleton, clacking away.  In the bathroom door I was arrested by the scene before me.  There were our little beds, like funeral biers - mine empty and Leimomi’s occupied by a limpid melting Ophelia.  The upholstery glistened like the sweat on her body, drenched.  The lighting fixtures held a dull light as if the heat in the air was pure electricity half waking them from the slumber we’d induced.  Was that blackening along the walls, in the areas nearest the ceiling?  The ceiling itself was definitely glowing orange now.

      Leimomi lifted her head - clearly an agonizing thing to do - and tugged a pillow under it so she could more easily look at me.  Drops ran down her face, but were they sweat or tears?  She was too weary to make a facial expression that would tell.  “Courtney,” her voice was minute, distant, rippled the way light is rippled by heat waves.  “Tell another.”

      As I walked back to my bed, black curls of slow-burned posters crumbled in my wake and fell like dry leaves.  I surrendered to gravity carefully, one hand, one more, my hips, rolled over, feeling like dead weight.  “I love you,” I said, not hearing a word of it.  I took up my water bottle again, dribbling what I could past the lips, then told another story.

      Were these thoughts without sounds?  Could she hear them?  Could she hear them with her mind, our bodies burned away from our souls, free to listen without ears?  I didn’t know.

      Once upon a time there was a young gal with a bad family.  Maybe dad died, leaving her in the care of wicked stepmom, or maybe that was her real mom but she liked to pretend it wasn’t, due to the pain that somebody biologically obligated to care for you just doesn’t, a way to not feel like that was her fault - that she was inherently and uniquely horrible.  People called her Cinderella because she was covered in the ashes of rock star posters.

      Stepmom and three stepsisters made her do all the chores and such, but you know, that sort of thing isn’t usually like they say it is in stories.  It’s not like, do these chores or we cut you, you ugly slag.  It’s more like, “Oh I just can’t right now, could you please?  You’re so much better at that,” or malicious compliance where they do the chores so bad it makes the more responsible person stop asking.

      They’d make Cinderella do emotional labor too.  The girls would gab about their drama all day, say “You’re such a good listener,” but never afford a moment of reciprocation.  Stepmom would get home from work and need to take a shit, but had constipation so she’d be in there a long time.  At some point back when Cinderella was eleven, she invited her into the bathroom, so she could pass that time venting about coworkers she hated.  Cinderella was too young to realize this was a flavor of child abuse, putting worries onto someone who doesn’t deserve them, isn’t equipped to understand them - and also making it pretty likely she’d grow up into that “amirite ladies” culture of woe and bitchery, unable to have a conversation of her own about the nice things in life, only ever able to talk about who was a bitch to whom, or who’s getting fat, or whatever.

      And there she was, a young lady, still not out from under the shadow of that porcelain throne.  But somehow she hadn’t absorbed that particular type of damage - she still had the ability to dream, to think of things beautiful and interesting.  It was worn down every time her stepmom spoke, but it still remained.  She had a spark of life.

      One day prom was coming - man I’m like the five hundredth person to turn this into a modern high school thing aren’t I? - and Cinderella really wanted to go.  She just wanted a chance to feel beautiful, to maybe dance with somebody.  There was no dream she would be loved, but just that she could feel something glittering and sweet.  It went without saying then, that she was not going.  Nobody had specifically forbidden it, nobody made any mention of it, but all preparations and discussion revolved around stepsisters and their needs.

      The night of the prom came and those kids were out the door.  Cinderella knew it was coming, but somehow spaced out on it until the last minute, until there was no denying it.  As the door clicked shut, stepmom put up the legs on her recliner and turned up the volume on a commercial for the Kia Summer Sales Event.  Cinderella walked upstairs like a ghost, and fell down crying in the hall.

      The door to the linen closet opened, and a beautiful little figure in taffeta, purple,and rhinestones appeared, hair a beautifully piled coiff of glossy black ringlets, a pencil thin moustache on their lips.  She looked up in amazement, not able to see clearly through the tears, no idea if she could trust what she was seeing.

      “Prince?,” she asked.

      It was indeed Prince, and he was funky.  Perhaps in becoming a ghost he had lost a foot of height.  But why was he appearing to her, and not to Morris Day?  He said, “Yes, Cinderella. This is no dream.  I was sent to make your life beautiful - but only for one shining moment.”

      “Wow.  But aren’t you a total *redacted* hound?  How can you be a fairy godmother?”

      “I might be the crown champion of boy vs. girl ball, but do I look like someone afraid to be called a fairy?”

      “And you did that homophobic song about how a lesbian girl needs to learn to be straight.”

      “Like I told Lisa and Wendy, we don’t talk about the back catalogue, girl.”

      “Is this your punishment for something?”

      “Being a Jehovah’s Witness.  Turns out telling babies not to get crucial healthcare is a bad thing.  But let’s focus on your problems.  What is keeping you from the prom tonight?”

      “My stepmom and stepsisters don’t care about me, just want me to slave away for them forever, never have a time for myself.”

      “I will make them care about you, make them slaves to you, and make this time be only for yourself.”  He pulled out a magic guitar, spraying sparkles across the beige carpet.

      “No!  I don’t want any of that.”

      “But you want to go to prom, right girl?”

      “Yeah.  Yes, please, my lord.”

      “I love the respect, but I am not allowed to be addressed as such, at this stage in my career.  And so again, pray tell, what keeps you from this promenade?  If you would not have me remove your problems, perhaps there are boons that can be offered.”

      “Well, I don’t have a dress, or makeup, or nice hair, or a way to go to the school.”

      “Crucial.  I can work with this.  Come.”  He clapped twice above his head and led her into her bedroom.  While he was unusually small, his magic guitar was full size and dragged on the carpet behind him.

      In Cinderella’s room, under a silver shaft of moonlight, he did a little dance and grabbed his crotch.  It was part of the magic, completely justified.  Her room was basically a walk-in closet, and some of her cleaning stuff was jammed in there as well.  He pointed his finger at a mop with a spray of sparkles.  It transformed into a beautiful silver-white wig.  He spun his finger in the air and it flew onto her head.

      “Wow,” said Cinderella.

      He picked up the guitar, did a spin, then played a cool riff.  Her ratty sweats changed into a fuchsia ball gown with neon purple lace and a bodice covered in purple rhinestones.  “It’s so beautiful,” she cried.

      “You know it,” he said.  “Now let’s sort out this situation.”  He pointed the guitar’s head at her face like a gun and played a wild guitar solo.  She could feel the ashes sliding around her skin, changing shape.  Looking at a dingy mirror, she saw the carbon condense into eyeliner, eyeshadow, and glittering lipstick, leaving her skin clean and clear.

      “I’m gonna cry again, I’m sorry,” she said, hand on her heart.

      “Don’t ruin that makeup, girl.  There is one item left to attend to.  Thy conveyance.  Approach me.”  He turned his back to her and with a wave of his hand the window opened.

      She came near to the little man, not knowing what to expect.  As she drew near, he seemed to increase in size - no, the whole world was increasing in size, or she was shrinking!  He scooched forward on his guitar, leaving room for her to straddle it in the back, and then it started to fly.  She grabbed his little waist and they flew off into the night sky.

      Smoke then, curling around my body like tendrils from incense, rising to pool and eddy at the ceiling.  It intensified, white and opaque at the corners of my vision, but inverted to darkness as it reached the glowing orange expanse - a negative print of the ocean, the opposite of water.

      Prince flew her to school and daintily alit to the gymnasium roof.  “I’ll wait for you under the north bleachers of the baseball field.  If you aren’t there at midnight, I cannot help you get home.”

      “Thank you so much, Prince!  I don’t know what I would have done without you.”

      “All I really need is to know that U believe.”  He pointed at the sky and took a tiny bow.

      Cinderella found a hatch to get down from the roof.  There was a ladder to a catwalk high above the gym floor, and she could see the prom below.  A few people bustled to do the last minute preparations, but there was only one dim light on.

      She wandered around looking for a way down and found nothing.  What good was it to be at prom if you could only watch it from afar?  But at last she found a rope to climb down on - one of the ropes they’d use in PR class, with knots at regular intervals.  She tossed it down and started climbing.

      When she got to the bottom, she realized she was in the middle of the dance floor.  As party lights came on and the rest of the students came in, she was the center of attention.  “Who is she?”  “How did she get in here?”  They were impressed.

      She humbly demurred and headed to the punch bowls.  A chaperone was glaring at her and not noticing somebody else spiking the punch.  It was going to be one of those nights.  The DJ led off with “Fight for Your Right to Party,” which was ironic because fighting for your right to party is expressly against policy at school events.

      Phew, I thought.  Are we alive or dead?  Will this ever end?  I can’t stand it.  Christ.

      A kinda short dapper gentleman approached Cinderella and said, “Hey babe, I haven’t seen you around the school before.  Wanna cut a rug?”

      “There’s no rug, but I’ll dance.”

      “Let’s buff this basketball court wax to a high shine.”

      They danced and chatted softly between songs, and enjoyed each other’s company.  Occasionally people would congratulate the dapper gentleman on his fortune in monopolizing the attention of a radiant queen.  People would smile at them and ask questions, take pics of her dress on their cellphones.

      Her own stepsisters didn’t recognize her.  It was a magical and glittering moment.  But best of all, she was really starting to feel like a woman, like a person who could be sought after by a dashing suitor.  It was the dapper gentleman that was making her feel like that, with his smooth ways.  Maybe he felt the need to stay with her because he was insecure about his height, or maybe she was just that appealing to him, but he was gently affectionate and suave and cool, and he knew how to dance.

      I could see myself limned in blue and yellow flames like a gas stove burner.  The world above the orange glow of a furnace, the walls around cracking and blistering, the world below a whorl of charcoal and soot.  In between the flesh cooked with no end.

      Proms crown people, right?  That’s why people make Cinderella into a prom story on Nickelodeon or whatever, so they can get the prince in there.  So ceremony begins and they crown dapper gentleman and mystery girl!  They say come to the stage, so we can crown thee at the stroke of midnight.

      That reminds her that she’s about to lose her magic, miss her ride.  But will it be worth it?  No, if she was left in dingy sweats and a mop wig on stage, she’d never live it down.  This was supposed to be a glittering and magical moment, but now it would end in tragedy.

      She couldn’t resist, she kissed him one time, then said, “I’m sorry,” and bolted for the door.  People were too surprised to react fast, and she lost any pursuers on her way to the baseball field.  Would Prince be there?  Midnight was so close.

      At the stroke of midnight she was halfway to the field, when she saw him rise into the night sky, momentarily silhouetted by the moon - Prince, straddling a magic guitar.  And just like that, the mop head fell into her hands, the ashes spread over her skin, the dress became dirty sweats.

      A whirlwind of ashen scraps blew past my face and I choked on the burning trash.

      There’s more, there’s more.  I swear.  I can do it for you, Leimomi.  I can do it for what’s left of you.  She, um, she went home on foot, right?  Fuck, glass slippers.  There’s supposed to be slippers.  I forgot them.

      I know, facial recognition technology.  Yeah.  So dapper Deandre is going through the school after that, using the facial recognition software on his phone, comparing all the girls with the mystery lady on his phone.  The stepsisters are all like, me, me, but...  No, that doesn’t even make sense.

      She’s going to get found, like, maybe she’s the equivalent of a TA but for the janitor instead.  A JA, that’s our Cinderella, and he takes a pic of her face almost by accident and it matches and he’s like, baby it’s me.

      She can’t see that, doesn’t want to be known the way she is now, which the janitor thinks is lame because you shouldn’t be ashamed of your class, you know?  Patrick’s a janitor.  Ugh, where was I?  She like, um...

      Bursts of sparks and chunks of molten rock fell in random splashes around us.  If any of that touched our boiling meat, it would bore a hole straight through like industrial acid.  No escape was possible, only luck of the draw.  Who would survive and what would be left of them?, like the movie said.

      Cinderella!  Dapper Deandre prom king finds her and says, “It’s OK, sometimes your clothes and your hair and stuff are gonna suck, but you’re beautiful and cute and I will never forget our night together.  If you don’t wanna be with me, that’s cool, but I just hope, I dunno...”  And she kisses him   It’s romantic because she looks gross but he’s like.  Fuck.

      The world was coming apart into orbs of light raining into an abyss.  Nothing remained between what had once been the floor and ceiling, and no one.  There was only a heat too intense to even bother with becoming fire.  It had become another state of matter, or nothing at all.

      At last the light was consumed with black.

                                                        ***

  Read next chapter here.

[nerdmars]

If Bruno Mars hadn’t already established himself as a bona-fide superstar by the time he released his third album, 24K Magic, in November 2016 -- with four Billboard Hot 100 No. 1s, an awe-inspiring Super Bowl performance and a record of the year Grammy win for “Uptown Funk -- his latest LP certainly set that in stone.

In addition to his recent Cardi B remix of “Finesse” creating serious buzz, Mars has earned another six Grammy nominations this year for 24K Magic, including a song of the year and record of the year nod. But while he’s worked hard for his success, there’s a little secret to how he’s dripping in finesse these days: The Stereotypes.

The producer quartet (Jonathan Yip, Ray Romulus, Jeremy Reeves and Charm) helped Mars find the exact “bounce” he was looking for on 24K Magic’s biggest hits, including the title track, “That’s What I Like” and “Finesse.” And though they’re just now receiving accolades for working with Bruno, The Stereotypes and Mars go way back. How far? When The Stereotypes started working together around 2007, their current manager, Larry Wade, was managing Bruno’s right-hand man, producer/songwriter (and Mars' The Smeezingtons cohort) Philip Lawrence.

“Philip was like, ‘Man you guys gotta meet this kid named Bruno, I’ve been working with him a lot,’” Romulus recalls to Billboard. “And that’s exactly what happened. We literally met up for a session and from then on, the rest is history.”

Their history could be even more iconic after Sunday’s Grammy Awards (Jan. 28), where they have a chance to take home a gramophone for “That’s What I Like,” which is up for both best R&B song and song of the year. (The foursome also earned a producer of the year nomination for their work with Mars and other hitmakers including Iggy Azalea ("Mo Bounce") and Lil Yachty ("Better" feat. Stefflon Don). Ahead of the big night, Billboard chatted with Yip and Romulus about their relationship with Mars, the magic of working on 24K Magic, and what it would mean to them to win with their old pal.

How did you meet Bruno?

Yip: We were introduced to him as, “You guys have to work with him. He’s crazy, he’s incredible.” And I think at that time, he might’ve just been dropped from Motown, but was trying to figure out his sound and what he was gonna do for his next steps. But when you get introduced to somebody, like when they give you that kind of intro, you’re like “Okay, he must be something.”

Romulus: I met him as Bruno Mars. I was like, “Man, that kid has a really cool name!” [Laughs.]

That’s too funny. What were your first impressions of him?

Yip: I was like, “I haven’t heard a voice this pure since Michael Jackson. His voice is so clean.” And then I started seeing him pick up a bunch of instruments and playing with them, and I was like, “God, this guy is ridiculous.”

This was in like ‘06, or something like that. He was obviously a lot younger, and not as experienced, but still very talented. So it was just watching this kid, multi-talented with a crazy voice, write songs and I was just like, “Geez, where did you come from?”

Romulus: From the day I met him, he was never supposed to be behind the scenes. This guy was supposed to be front and center from the beginning. So I think it was just a matter of time for things to align for him where, you know, he really got his shot. Once that door opened, he kicked it down and ran through and there was no stopping him.

We worked together on one session, and right away I was blown away. Just from his voice alone, I was like, “Wow, this kid is incredible.” And right then, right off the bat, we just clicked and we started like just working everyday, just trying to create songs for different artists and trying to get placements together.

What do you think is special about his songwriting and what he brings to sessions?

Yip: Talk about somebody who really just knows how to write a song. And a hit song, at that. One thing that he said to me back in the day -- this wasn’t even a song for him, we were doing a song for a different artist at the time, and we were working on the transition from the pre-hook to the hook -- and he was just like, “Give them what they want.” I always took that as, like, people want to hear dynamics. They want you to lead them in the song -- tell them the verse is here, tell them where the chorus is at. You don’t want them guessing, you want them to know where it’s at right away. And those words stuck to me the whole time: “Give them what they want.”

Romulus: For us, it was more how effortless it was creating with him. It didn’t feel like we were actually working and making songs, it just felt like we were hanging out, having conversations, and as we’re doing that we’re making the beats... he would literally have a new idea for something every second, he would just be spilling out ideas. Bouncing off ideas with him and Phillip, they were just an amazing duo to work with. So, that’s why we just stuck with that team, and we knew we had something right pretty early.

So even though years had passed and Bruno had blown up by the time you got back in the studio for 24K Magic, was it basically just like old times right away?

Romulus: It was like a reunion, we spent the first couple hours just like catching up. It’s amazing to see that no matter how much fame or success he has had... we’re still like those same young kids from the first time we jumped in the studio, just to be excited about music. It didn’t feel any different.

And then, you know, he played us “24K Magic,” and the idea that he had, and we just went right in and started working on it. He was basically like, “Hey guys, if we knock this out and kill it, I have a couple more ideas that I would love for you guys to be apart of.”

Yip: He played a lot of the stuff that he already had on the album. Immediately, we were like “Whoa. This is crazy and it’s throwback, but it’s good authentic throwback.” And he was like “Guys, I want to dance. I want it to feel like when I was back in school at a school dance. You know, in the club these days, people aren’t dancing anymore. They’re in their VIP booths with bottles, and they’re standing against the wall, or just looking at the DJ. What about times when we would be with and with a girl, or a guy and a guy, or a girl or whatever, and they’re dancing together? And not just sitting back just drinking. I want that feeling back.” It immediately excited us because we were like, “Yeah, I remember those times -- those times were awesome.”

Especially for “Finesse,” he was like, “We gotta go new jack swing. Let’s get one on here.” For me, new jack swing is like my favorite era ever, and so as we’re going along we’re just messing around making some stuff. He’s getting on the drum set, everybody is grabbing an instrument, and everybody is singing and yelling. Everybody is kind of contributing their little bit to the song, and next thing you know, we’re dripping in finesse [Laughs].

Was there a similar dance-based thing for the making of “That’s What I Like?”

Yip: He had a bunch of it, like a skeleton of it already laid out, and he was like, “We need to make this bounce.” We would just go back and forth and we were messing around with rhythms, and next thing we know, it’s hitting, it’s bouncing -- half-time, double-time. He kept saying, “It needs to make me bounce, it needs to make me move a certain way.” And he would move, and be like that’s it. This is it. He’d be like, “I don’t want it to make me move another way.”

Romulus: It felt like the whole room -- once he felt like the whole room was moving the same, he could envision everyone dancing sorta the same way to the song. Once we found that pocket that he wanted, that song was ready to go.

Yip: He’s just always moving in the studio. He’s never sitting down. He’s either thinking, and you can see him thinking, or he’s moving. I think he imagines songs as if he were performing them already.  

What’s something about Bruno that fans may not know?

Romulus: He is his own biggest critic. He really, really cares. And he puts it all on the line. He’s the first one at the studio, last one to leave. Ultimately all of those decisions were up to him -- when it was ready to be released and everything like that. He put in countless hours of work even when we were gone just to make sure it was at the standard he wanted it to be.

Yip: Last week, working on performance stuff, I was there ‘til five in the morning, and our partner Charm and Bruno were there until eight in the morning. He is such a perfectionist. And I’ve never seen anyone who is like that so much. He’ll be like “That’s not right. Something is not right.” And he’ll stay there until he gets it right. And then it goes.

He’s the real deal for a reason because he works at it. He’s obviously naturally talented, but to get as good as he is, you have to work for it too, and he does.

How would it feel to win a Grammy with Bruno?

Yip: We’ve been trying not to think about it, and to stay busy and keep our heads down and not let that consume our life. But it’s definitely approaching pretty quickly, so we’re gonna have to start thinking about it. If we do think about it, It’s kind of crazy. Because we started this together, and to be here in this moment together just makes it extra cool and extra special. This is what we imagined as the original squad. We have tons of videos and there’s footage online of us making music when we were like babies. And now we’re all getting older, and what I would like to think, is the best part of our career right now.

Romulus: It will be just amazing because it will be everything coming full circle. At the end of the day, it’s a matter of time for that to happen, but it’s amazing that it is happening right now -- just blessed and appreciative of the moment.

How do you think you’d celebrate together?

Romulus: To party... hard. [Laughs.] That is the plan.

Yip: I have no idea. Yes, definitely partying [Laughs]. We’ve been to the Grammy’s before, but I honestly don’t know how to feel and how we will feel. That’s something where if we do win, I’m gonna ask him like, “Yo, What are we doing?” And then let him lead. Bruno’s used to this, so maybe it’s something that he could let us in on ‘cause I have no idea.

We’ve hung out for no celebration before and it was pretty cool, so I can only imagine what it is if it’s one of the biggest nights in music. It’s a blessing for sure to be a part of it, and for him to ask us come along on this journey. It’s been a career-defining and enlightening moment for us.