#rambling about stories set in video games

[anthurak]

Rambling about Perma-Death in Videogame Stories

So is anyone else just completely and utterly done with the trope of ‘If you die in the game, you DIE FOR REAL!1!1’ that we see in untold numbers of stories about characters getting trapped in video games?

Like I was just watching some clips from the Jumanji reboot and now I just can’t stop thinking about the same thing I thought when I saw it back in 2017: WHY does perma-death HAVE to be a thing here?

If you haven’t seen it, the premise of the reboot is that the magic board game of doom from the original 1995 film realized that board games are getting less popular and thus upgraded itself into a videogame cartridge/console to be more appealing to would-be players. And has now sucked in four unsuspecting teens for an adventure now parodying videogame tropes instead of a board game.

Now the big ‘threat’ posed to our protagonists is that they each start with multiple ‘Lives’ which allow them to immediately respawn when they die. But they only have three lives each, which of course leads to the implicit idea that if they can’t lose ALL their lives or it’s GAME OVER, ie; they’re dead for good.

But the thing is, nothing in the movie actually DEMONSTRATES to our protagonists that this is actually the case. They just… assume that if they die three times they’re dead for really realsies.

And while watching/rewatching the movie, I just kept thinking WHY did the threat of perma-death have to be a thing? And also the fact that it didn’t even make SENSE in this context.

Like the Jumanji game is clearly sentient to a degree and seems driven first and foremost to get people to play it. So I have to ask; WHAT sense does it make for Jumanji to outright, permanently KILL its players? After all, if the players are permanently dead, they can’t exactly PLAY now can they?

Furthermore, just look at the old-style sidescroller games that Jumanji clearly based its new form on. What happens in those games when you lose all your lives? It doesn’t permanently lock you out and keep you from playing ever again. Instead you lose your progress and are sent back to the start of a level. Or in those particularly hard games, you are sent back to the very START of the game.

So don’t you think that makes WAY more sense for how Jumanji would work?

Imagine in the film when the heroes’ fifth party member Alex, the kid who got trapped in the game twenty years earlier, starts to lose his last life, the rest aren’t able to save him. He seemingly dies… and then there is this bright flash.

Then all five of the players are suddenly back in the jeep with Rhys Darby hamming out exposition at them, right back at the start of the game.

I don’t know if that would make for a better paced film, but I definitely think it would make for a more interesting story that could explore some of the real underlying aspects and nuances of how playing a videogame actually goes. Because now this is no longer a challenge of luck or split-second intuition, but of trial and error. You know, like most ACTUAL videogames!

Now that our heroes know there ISN’T actually a threat of permanent death (because this is, you know, a GAME!), they can engage in one of the most FUN parts of playing a big, open-world sandbox game: trying any number of crazy, nonsensical ideas to see if one of them actually sticks!

And I don’t know about you, but that sounds like a great way to ratchet up the dark-comedy as the characters start trying all kinds of crazy ideas that get them killed more often than not. And if you think that wouldn’t make for a very entertaining movie, let me point you to a little-known flick called Groundhog Day! Not to mention the fact that story would still have stakes. The characters still have the goal of completing the game and there’s always the threat of them losing their progress and having to start over. Plus it makes for a great method of character development and bonding as the five are forced to learn how to work together until they’re functioning as a seamless unit.

This is really my overall point about how the threat of perma-death in these kinds of stories feels like such a crutch to needlessly generate generic drama and stakes. Not to mention kind of going against the very thing that makes something a GAME in the first place.

It’s why my actual favorite ‘people getting sucked into a videogame’ story is actually the anime Log Horizon. Because in that series the respawn mechanic of the MMO the characters are sucked into still works, and the story instead revolves around its characters learning to adjust, adapt and live in this new reality. Not to mention it still finds an interesting way of maintaining stakes and consequences to characters dying even if they can respawn: Namely that because the game’s respawning mechanic involved taking away a certain among of Experience Points from a player as a ‘cost’ for reviving, this means that players now lose pieces of their memory every time they respawn.

All in all, while I understand its appeal to writers as an easy way to generating stakes and danger for characters, this whole trope of ‘die in the game you die for realsies’ feels SUPER old and super cheap at this point. And I have serious respect for any story that subverts or averts it.

[arolesbianism]

I should rly play portal, but at the same time I find it kind of funny to have it continue to exist as that one game I'd fuck around with the physics in as a lil kid instead of actually doing the puzzles in my memories especially since I'm sure I'd have rly liked glados if I actually bothered to actually progress in the video game I was playing

[endereies]

JUST A SHOULDER TO LEAN ON

Pairing: Matt x Reader

Contains: You always go to Matt whenever things get hard, but little do you know he wants you to be there by his side permanently. Includes comments on weight, arguing, drunkenness - if I missed anything, let me know !!

Requested?: no

Author's notes: I definitely did not forget that I had this !! No happy ending in this one y'all <3

Word Count: 3815

Going back and forth between California and Boston wasn’t an easy feat, even for the triplets themselves. And yet, you always stood proud at the airport, smiling at their exhausted expressions that plastered their faces.

Nick adored you, holding a steady peace sign against your head in the photo that was scattered on his desk. You found similarities between the pair of you that quickly became abundantly clear to others. The loud laughs that escaped your lungs were easily heard by surrounding spectators. Some lucky enough to the hear the jokes made while others watch you both heave with confusion. It was the raw consistency between you two that kept the friendship strong. You became a staple in his Instagram posts, being in the foreground of a restaurant setting or even the camera man that he’d credit in his stories. You were there. You’d find yourself caught up in a mini vlog sent over via Snapchat which wound you leaning on the sofa arm with a heavy head. He never could escape that life.

Chris was nothing short of Nick, cherishing each time Mario Kart blessed the screen in front of you. Being in the carpeted floors of your bedrooms often led to video game sessions. Stores on main streets allowed you to find a new game per week or so to indulge in. And obviously Chris joined. He always joined in, attached at your hip. Chris was always more physical than the other two and you frequently embraced that fact. You absentmindedly grabbed his arm for stabilisation whenever your laces came loose. Yet, he often acted the same, standing their on his phone, not paying attention to the small gesture. He was always one to pay things forward, so you’d find a can of your favourite soda to repay the same one you bought him mere hours ago. No matter how many times you tried to stop him, he practically insisted, how could you argue with him anyway?

Matt was less reluctant to open himself to you. He had a hard time maintaining close relationships with people, they often changed throughout lengthy seasons as the distance grew. He figured it would be the same with you. That summer entered his life as fast as you did, cool breezes enclosing around you while you greeted him. You never showed the slight disappointment when he replied with a meek smile. ‘That’s how he is, don’t sweat it too much.’ Nick’s words didn’t offer you as much comfort as time did. Two years went by and you stuck like glue to the three of them. Each trip they went on back home didn’t lack any calls between you all, initiated by Chris. Of course.

Each late night conversation and campfire story revealed each other to you. They typically ended with each of you swinging your legs on the logs as the marshmallow melts on a stick. He more or less listened to you ramble about random things whilst he acknowledged each syllable. Time drifted easily in those situations, Nick and Chris leaving you two be to rest.

He loved learning new things about new, writing things in his notes so he wouldn’t forget. That’s how he always knew what to get you in the convenience store, or even for your birthday. One thing he was surprised to hear about was your boyfriend.

Cameron wasn’t a name that slipped past your lips easily. It should’ve been. You only revealed his existence about 6 months after knowing the triplets, that’s when the questions came.

You loved Cameron, most the time. It was when he drunk that you tended to place guards up. It’s like he thinks that alcohol is an opening to say and do whatever he pleases whenever he pleases. He tried to push me into drinking occasionally, but after months of resistance, he gave up that idea.

But in this moment, your only thought was on getting the triplets home, so you did just that. The fast food that you collected each ride back from airports tainted their loopy grins with sweetened appreciation. It was nice to see the glint of affection within their eyes. Especially seeing Matt’s become frequent.

This was your third time collecting them up after their flights. When Matt asked you the first time, he seemed hesitant about asking. It wasn’t like you would yell at him and laugh in his face about waking up in early hours. They may have not been the most appealing, but it was worth it.

“Oh, come on! You had aux last night; you are not getting that privilege again.” One thing you had missed while you were away, were the loud personalities they possessed, but now wasn’t one of those times.

“Chris, can you stop snatching the lead it keeps hitting me!” Bickering emerged between himself and Nick within the first ten minutes of the drive back. Unlike the middle triplet who sat diagonal to you with his headphones blocking out each sound.

“Only if Nick gives it up, I have to listen to the new song Lil Skies released” Nick groaned almost immediately, mocking Chris with hand motions.

“Chris gets it for an hour, then Nick. That better?” Once more you felt the lead hit your shoulder, a little harder due to his eminent excitement. Yet you kept your grace and gripped the steering wheel a little tighter.

-

When you all arrived at their houses and immediately a few things stand out. Nick was asleep. Chris was asleep. Matt was awake. Your eyes glanced at Nick first, watching his still form except his chest which rose with each steady breath. Unexpectedly, you caught Matt’s own gaze on you. His eyes narrowed with forecasted fatigue. However, his lips twitched upwards into a genuine smile.

The sound of the engine finally switched off with a turn of your keys, for once you could really feel the tension among the silence. Darker clouds seemed to roll in steadily and you were just thankful that you managed to arrive on time. Your body pushed the door open with a click, making the car brighter with the sudden lights.

Matt immediately lets out a giggle as Nick groans, covering his eyes from the warm light that turned on directly above him.

You took it against yourself to carry the boys’ luggage out of the boot, the cases as identical as themselves. The only difference were the coloured tags wrapped around the handles.

Nick and Chris both murmured small ‘thank you’s’ and left with their cases in their hands, struggling to open the door as quickly as normal.

“Thank you again for doing this, you really didn’t have too.” A whispered voice takes your view away from Nick and Chris and focuses on the middle triplet standing next to you.

“You know that I’m happy to help out, all you have to do is ask.” Due to the darkness, you couldn’t see his face, yet you were positive he was smiling. You could practically hear it.

“I know, we all do, doesn’t mean we can’t appreciate it.” He said quietly, pausing for a moment as if he wanted to speak more. “Do you want to sleep over tonight? It is late after all…”

As if it was fate, your phone buzzed in your back pocket. It rang with the familiar tune you set for your boyfriend, it wasn’t long before Matt grimaced.

“Hi Cameron, I was about to ca-“ Your words were cut short by a short yell from the phone, heard by Matt.

“Where are you! It’s nearly midnight and your ass said they’d be home by half eleven at the latest.”

“I’m sorry, we got caught up in traffic...” You genuinely felt apologetic, even if you hadn’t done anything wrong.

“Get home. Now.” He attempted to act stern and yet his words slurred and mixed between the next.

Before you could respond, he hung up quickly. Air harshly left your lungs in a deep sigh. Matt heard everything. You couldn’t bring yourself to speak first, the embarrassment was too much.

“I’ll take that as a no…” His attempt at a joke worked slightly as you let out a breathy laugh.

“Yeah, sorry. Another time I guess” Your voice was timid, yet it wasn’t due to being tired.

“You need anything, you let me know, alright?” His case was now alongside his frame, the handle barely reaching his stomach.

-

“Cam..? I’m home!” Sounds of your voice echoed off the empty walls of your shared apartment, Cam’s to be exact. You decided to move in with him, more of less he forced you, but it was still happening. You knew he was home since you heard the voice lines of his Call of Duty character running low on health. You also knew he couldn’t hear you.

You simply sighed and placed your bag onto the counter, picking out a spare protein bar you didn’t get around to touching through the car ride. Water drains from the Stanley you got bought a few weeks ago, by Matt of course.

Cameron came slumping down the stairs, his footsteps thudding in comparison to yours. After all, he was drunk. His slurring confirmed that.

“You took forever, you said it was gonna only take you three hours.” He didn’t necessarily lie, yet he didn’t consider things could go wrong.

“Baby…I did say that there was traffic, you know I can't text and drive to let you k-“ He shut you up with a sloppy finger to your lips.

“Always the excuses, huh! Never admit you’re fuckin’ wrong, can ya?” Your head hung low while the skin of your fingers wrapped around your sleeves.

He didn’t utter another word, only strings of mumbles as he walked away. Not a single idea that traversed your head made sense as to why he’d want you home, if he was just going to walk away from you. It made you question his behaviour, nothing that you would converse aloud, not in this state.

-

It wasn’t long before another thread of hurtful comments were thrown your way early in the morning. It had only been a week since that late evening, however all your boyfriend seemed to crave were the hot tears that fell from your lashes.

“Come on y/n, the dishes aren’t hard to do! Do I have to do everything around here!” With each word he spoke, another tear rolled down your cheeks, the redness growing with each second. You hadn’t meant to cry, you had actually tried so hard to keep it together. Although the moment he attacked you directly, you snapped.

“You’ve become so lazy with yourself, do you even take care of yourself anymore..?” Almost immediately, you looked down at your body, hidden underneath a loose shirt and hoodie. You weren’t sure if that was a subconscious choice.

His hands gestured to my body lazily with his hands,

“What do you mean” You hadn’t meant to let your emotion seep into your voice but once it began, it only grow.

“Don’t act like it isn’t obvious, or do I really have to spell it all out for you. You’ve gained weight.”

His glass of wine practically slammed on the kitchen counter, surprise filling you at how it hadn’t managed to break. He’d done that before.

“Go sort yourself out, such a pig” The sound of his voice is muffled under his breath, but he made sure that you heard it, the sly grin said it all.

Oh.

Your gaze lightly treads the apartment to see the high load of dishes that were in the sink, remnants of the earlier stir fry tracing the air around it. Excessive scrubbing seemed to do something to ease your emotions. Which ever ones they were. They were too tangled in your stomach to distinguish any particular ones.

Sharp sounds from the scouring sponge hissed into your ear as you harshly stroked the pans. You hadn’t even realised the force of it until the paint starting chipping across the bottom. All you did was blame the hot water and throw it on the drying rack.

Every deep breath felt like a little more air than you had left your lungs. Even your body wanted to force out that feeling, not that you blamed it.

Why does love hurt so much?

A charger and spare clothes were soon stuffed into a small, black backpack, one that was bought for you several Christmas’s ago.

Keys jingled and rattled against the wooden door of your apartment. You left. It was easier if you did. You wouldn’t annoy Cameron anymore and you wouldn’t get belittled by his drunk attitude.

Your eyes stared at Matt’s contact on the screen, the profile picture from an old festival you dragged him to. A deep breath forced its way out of your lungs as you swiped up. The ringing tone echoed in your ears along with the slight breeze.

“Hello?” You were relieved when he answered the phone, a change of emotion filled you. His voice was raspier than usual and a faint shuffle of what you assumed were duvet covers could be heard.

“Hey, I’m sorry to call this late but can I come over?”

“Of course, what’s the occasion.” His voice seemed to light up at the thought of seeing you again.

“I just need some fresh air I guess... and a possible rant” The words trailed off, hearing him sigh in the background.

He doesn’t speak for a moment, soaking in your words. “It’s Cam, isn’t it?” Matt took your silence as a yes.

It was like that for a moment. Silent. You couldn’t tell why, was it Cam? You knew he hated his name falling from your lips. The same lips you didn’t know he craved. However, you only hated saying it when he was drunk, it was a beacon for mercy. The next day it felt like heaven once he was sober. Until it repeated of course. Matt had grown to hate that name, the presence. Even if he wasn’t such a dick, he knew he would remain in the same mindset.

“I’ll leave the door open, I think I still have your ice cream. If Chris hasn’t taken it.” For a second you forgot it wouldn't be just you and Matt in that house. “Are they awake?”

“At 2am? Nick is out like a light, Chris has a meeting early in the morning. so he's passed out in his room."

The sky grew darker as the night went on but that didn’t matter. Not when you arrived on the porch of the triplets’ house. As you went to wipe the exhaustion off your face, sudden tears became evident to you. You pulled your hand away to reveal a glisten that coated your hand, the lights subtly highlighting your sadness.

Quickly, you wiped your hand and used it to knock on the front door.

You stood there for only a few moments before the door slowly creaked open, as to not wake the others. Matt's hair was evidently tussled which you can only assume is by his interrupted sleep. That only made you feel more guilty. Porch lights above you both highlighted a few features, his eyes being one. They were filled with emotions you couldn't quite pin-point. Exhaustion, irritation, care? You weren't sure.

"Are you goin' to come in? Or stand there in the cold looking upset?" His body moved towards the door, leaving me room to walk through. As soon as you step inside, the cold air is immediately replaced with a warm atmosphere. A sigh escaped your lips at the heat surrounding your body and turned to Matt with a grateful smile. Yet by now his expression remained more stoic than before.

"Let's get your ice cream and a drink, then we can talk, yeah?" Before you could respond he brushed past you to the kitchen, the light illuminating the room. You simply traced his actions with your eyes before moving forwards to help him grab the few cans of drink from his arms.

"My room?" His voice had grown gentle, trying hard not to grit his teeth at the conversation they were about to have. "Yeah, sounds good."

His room wasn't anything fancy, just some simple pieces of furniture scattered around his room, along with the several monitors on his desk. His duvet hadn't seemed to be made yet it somehow looked better than most times you saw it. A few clothes are sprawled over the edge of his chair but little to no mess covered the floors. You and his brothers mentioned making the room more him yet he seemed content with his hung poster from Hawaii.

You placed the drinks from your hands onto the bedside table and looked towards Matt who did the same with snacks and confectionary.

Once you both got settled the air grew heavy. You laid the blanket up to about your shins, while Matt was completely on top of it. It had been a few minutes of silence, with the occasional sip. He knew not to force the situation, but it was hard when tears brimmed in your eyes.

“Do you think I’m... gaining weight” You shunned away from him, seeing his body tense up a little was enough to cause a reaction. You had always been a little conscious of your weight, that was nothing new. Yet it hurt, knowing that someone who you actually cared about diminished you to one quality. Matt saw this too and edged a little closer towards you.

“Did he say that to you.” His tone was brittle, like any one of your next words could fluctuate his choices so easily. You ignored him, he attempted to avoid the question, knowing how much it made your heart ache.

“I didn’t even notice anything until you pointed it out. I see you for you, not what your body shows. Honest.”

You knew he meant it, letting a small smile twitch at the corners of your mouth. Until the rest of Cam’s words struck you again. You hadn’t meant to cry, in fact you wanted to avoid it. Letting his words affect you counted as a win, a win to his drunken state. He was so caring when he wanted to be. He seemed to want alcohol more, however.

“He called me a pig…He made sure I heard it.” You stammer slightly before giving up. When you mustered up enough courage you looked towards Matt, but he wasn’t looking at you. Only the section of blanket he shoved and gripped between his fingers. He seemed to zone out slightly after each comment you made.

“He just gets drunk a lot, and… you know how he is whenever he is drunk. I can’t get through to him. He is really a sweetheart but- “Matt’s sharp voice cuts off my tear-ridden words.

“Is he.”

You looked up at him, it hurt him to see your eyes red and glossed over. He wanted to concentrate so hard on anything but his seething emotions towards your boyfriend but he couldn't help it. You ran to him because the person who supposedly loved you belittled you so much. It hurt to see you unhappy. It hurt to see you crying in front of him. It hurt him to see you stay with him.

He watched as you lowered your head, causing him to before doing the same. Hot tears stained your cheeks as Cameron's words echo repeatedly, old and new. The names he called you sunk deep and made you feel so shit about yourself. It shouldn't get to you, but you loved him, so much. But, it wasn't ever meant to feel like this.

It took a moment of silence before Matt reached his body towards you. His hands wrapped around your waist as he gently pushed your head to his chest. You felt as his hands gently rubbed your back, slowly but enough to be noticed.

"M'sorry, you don't deserve any of this, never...Please don't believe anything he says. He has no idea what he is talking about."

"I love him, really I do, it's just-" You found yourself lacking any other words to explain yourself with but even so, his grip simply tightened, shunning you to silence. "You don't have to explain yourself. Let's just take your mind off things, yeah?"

It had been an hour and you had fallen asleep beside Matt, gravity falls on a low volume in the background. After getting up to place rubbish in the bin and return the ice-cream to his freezer, he re-entered his room. He was aware you were a light sleeper and avoided any floorboards he knew made sound and moved quietly around his room.

He was happy to see that you had drunk the can of drink he gave you along with some of the snacks. A few still resided in the packaging and he sighed a little. The comments that your boyfriend made has obviously left a slightly mark on you, he noticed the hesitancy a few times but chose to stay silent. If he spoke he feared he'd spark something neither of you wanted to deal with.

His attention turned to the screen before him, the end of the episode nearing. With no sign of you waking any time soon, Matt lifted the edges of the duvet you hadn't touched and shuffled underneath them. Some distance remained between you, not wanting to make anything awkward. However, he couldn't resist placing his hand on your head, rubbing it back and forth. Brushing a stand out of your face, he stayed like that for a while.

When the episodes credits rolled to black, Matt grabbed the remote and switched it off. Silence filled the room, less tense than before. The words that Cameron said about you, to your face, bubbled in his mind. He hated how you slowly grew to hide yourself away. Anything that made you the person he adored was slowly being pushed away and all he wanted was for you to feel like you could be you.

Tiredness started to take over his body, his eyes growing heavy and a soft yawn passing his lips. His head leant back against the headboard while his hand continued to run through your hair. Your face was perfectly rested against one of his pillows, a bundle of the blanket tucked snuggly into your chest. A bittersweet smile crossed his face as he took in each of your features.

Matt laid himself under the blanket, his hand eventually leaving you with the distance he made. As his eyes grew heavy once more he gave you one more glance, muttering a few words before falling asleep by your side.

“Loving you is the most painful thing I’ve ever experienced.”

© ENDEREIES 2024

@melliflws @yuhayeee @st7rnioioss @sturn-bugz @bueckers @worldlxvlys @raysmayhem-72 @patscorner @y0urm4m @bernardsbendystraws @junnniiieee07 @luverboychris @jnkvivi @rac00ns-are-c00l4 @shorthairchris @missmimii

[honeyedmiller]

A Burning Desire part two

firefighter!joel x f!reader

rating: 18+ minors dni

warnings: joel miller au, mentions of food / eating, literally so much tooth-rotting fluff it’s actually sickening, reader can sit on joel’s lap, mutual pining, kissing, dry humping, no use of y/n.

word count: 6.2k

synopsis: joel takes you on your first date with him.

a/n: special thank you to @punkshort for the meeting at the firehouse idea and for letting me ramble about the infinite ideas i have for this story in our dms. i appreciate the heck outta you

part one here

The summer sun gleamed on you as you made your way up to the firehouse he worked at. The big red doors were open and inviting, the shiny red trucks sitting perfectly still in the apparatus bay as you shyly stepped into the building. 

You carried a tray of cookies you made yourself, wanting to give it to the team as a thank you for being on the scene of your accident and getting you out safely. Well, they were mostly for Joel, Tommy, and the EMT’s. You weren’t able to see Joel in a few days and it drove you sort of crazy, so this was a perfectly good excuse. Joel would probably get teased by his coworkers again, and you’d probably get brought into the mix. It didn’t matter if it meant you got to see him.

It was odd, admitting that to yourself. You’d been single and alone for so long that you were used to the feeling of loneliness, but after meeting Joel, it genuinely sucked not being in his presence. You’ve only known the man for about a week, which made you feel even crazier for feeling this way. 

The way you felt around him was almost unexplainable. Light. Happy. You didn’t have to pretend to be someone you’re not, which you had to do more often than not with your job. 

Being around Joel Miller was like a tall glass of the purest, most refreshing water on Earth. 

“Hey miss, can I help you?” A kind voice snaps you back to reality. The man was wiping his hands with a dish rag, a small smile on his face as he eyed what you had in your hands. 

“Uh– yeah, actually, I came to drop these off for everyone. And uh– is Joel available?” 

You didn’t know why you suddenly felt so shy. Maybe you were just worried as to what his coworkers would think about you coming to his job to ask to see him. 

The man had a knowing smirk on his face and nodded. 

“Ah, so you must be Miller’s mystery woman,” He laughs, jutting his chin up the steps. “He’s up there. Follow me.” 

Your face heats up from his words. Joel talks about you to them? 

You follow him up the stairs to the second floor where the lounge area and kitchen were. Many of them were gathered at the kitchen table while they ate, and a few others were playing a video game in the lounge area. 

“Hey Miller.” The man calls out, and first Tommy turns around with a piece of garlic bread hanging out of his mouth as he plates what looks like lasagna. You have to stifle a laugh at the confused look on his face, but then your heart skips a beat when your eyes land on Joel. 

He’s writing something down in a book, and he looks up at the man before his eyes flit to you. A grin spreads on his lips as you give him a shy smile and a small wave. He stands up from the table he was sitting at after capping his pen, making his way over to you. 

“Darlin’, this is such a nice surprise. Whatcha doin’ here?” He brings you into a hug, and catches himself refraining from giving you a kiss of any sort. He already got enough teasing from his coworkers and brother. 

“I made cookies for everyone. As a thank you, you know, for getting me out of that nasty accident.” 

His eyes soften at your words, eyebrows furrowing together as he takes the plate from your hand. 

“That’s so sweet of you. Thank you. I know these goons over here will devour these.” He motions his head to his coworkers behind him. 

You laugh as you look behind him, all of his coworkers' heads turned your way as they watch the interaction between you two. 

“You busy later tonight?” His voice drops a few octaves, setting the plate on the counter before he coaxes you to follow him downstairs again. 

“Nope. Just watching reruns of The Bachelor.” 

Joel quirks a brow at your show choice with a smile laced onto his lips. 

“Would you mind if I stopped by later? I feel bad I haven’t been able to see you.” 

“Don’t feel bad, Joel. I know you work odd hours,” You pause as he takes you into the locker rooms for some more privacy, away from prying eyes. “But of course you can come over. I’d love the company.” 

“Great. Maybe I can pick up some take-out and we can eat it at your place?” He’s hopeful with a sparkle in his eyes that makes your stomach flutter, once again. 

“Sounds great. I’ll text you the address when you get off work.” 

“I look forward to seein’ you. Y’know, away from nosey people.” He chuckles, referring to his coworkers. You admire the crinkle around his eyes when he smiles. 

“I look forward to it too, Joel,” You lean in and press your lips to his cheek. “I’ll see you later, cowboy.” You give him a wink before turning around to walk off, leaving him standing there with the goofiest grin plastered on his face. 

-

A few hours had passed by since you stopped off at the firehouse, and you were tidying up last minute things before Joel came over. 

You hadn’t had someone over at your place in a long time besides family, so a part of you wanted to impress him a little. 

He’d be over any minute now and you couldn’t stop your heart from racing. You don’t know what it was, but Joel just made you so nervous in the best way possible. You felt like a teenager all over again with a crush you’d giggle with your friends about—but in this case, it was your sister. 

Just as you finished fluffing up the last pillow on the couch, you heard a knock on your door. 

You checked through the peephole just to be sure it was Joel, and when you saw it was, you couldn’t help the grin that spread across your lips. You open the door to him wearing more casual clothes, a pair of jeans and a t-shirt that hugged his biceps really well, holding a bag of takeout in his hand. 

“Hey darlin’.” He greets you with a smile on his face, and you move aside to let him in. 

“Hey Joel.” You close the door after he’s in, locking the top lock before turning around to face him. 

“Where should I set up this gourmet feast?” He teases, wiggling his eyebrows as he holds up the bag of Chinese food. 

You huff a laugh and nod toward the dining room table. “There’s fine. Let me get some plates.” 

You make your way to the cabinets in your kitchen, pulling down two plates for the both of you before you turn around, only to be met with the close proximity of Joel. You gasp and look at him, biting your lip to keep from smiling. 

Goddamn teenager. 

“So, I figured out where I wanna take ya for our first date.” He starts, leaning against the counter.

“I thought this was our first date.” You blink, eyes shifting to the delicious smelling Chinese food sitting on your dining room table just waiting to be devoured. 

Joel snorts and crosses his arms, “You kiddin’ me? As much as I like bein’ in your company, this ain’t a date, darlin’. You deserve better than a half-assed plan to eat takeout and watch that one show you like.” 

You look down at your socked feet, having never really felt like a priority anytime you were involved romantically with someone. You barely even know this man and he’s already shown more effort toward you than some men of your past. 

“Baby, look at me,” Joel tilts your chin up again so your gaze meets his, and he gives you a soft smile that makes your insides absolutely melt. “As long as I’m around, I’m gonna make sure you feel important. It’s the least you deserve.” 

And you want to believe him, so fucking bad. There’s this stupid nagging voice in the back of your head telling you that what he’s saying isn’t true—you don’t deserve to feel important and being single was the best decision you could’ve made for yourself. 

You force those thoughts to drown for now, focusing on him and his gentle gaze. 

“Thank you.” You give him a small smile, and his hand moves to cup your cheek, swiping his thumb back and forth. 

“‘Course. But, I gotta get somethin’ off my chest before we take this whole datin’ thing any further.” 

You furrow your brows, and the way his gaze shifts to a pleading look makes you nervous. What could it possibly be? 

“I know this ain’t for everyone, and I understand if you don’t wanna see me anymore after this–” He pauses, lips twisting to the side as his eyes move to the ground, “But I really hope this doesn’t change what we got goin’ on. I really do like you, darlin’.” 

“What is it, Joel?” You can’t even concentrate on the sweet words that just oozed out of his mouth. Your stomach was coiling into an unwanted knot, endless possibilities of what he has to say in mind. 

“I have a daughter.” 

That’s what he was worried about? Oh. 

“Oh wow, that’s amazing, Joel. Why would you think I wouldn’t want to see you after you told me this?” You’re the one reassuring him now, gently grabbing his face in your hands before swiping your thumbs over the stubble on his jaw. 

“You’d be surprised how many women have run for the hills after I’ve told them that.” A sad chuckle bubbles from his throat, and you lean forward to kiss his nose. 

“Not this one, cowboy.” 

-

Joel didn’t tell you a single thing about where he was taking you. All he told you was to dress comfortably for the hot weather and wear some walking shoes, so you opted for a tank top and jeans with rips at the knees and your comfiest shoes. 

You heard a knock on the front door of your apartment, and you eagerly checked the peephole before opening up the door. You grinned at Joel, but stopped short when you saw him wearing a Stetson. 

Fuck, he looked so good.

“Howdy.” He greets in true cowboy fashion, and you can’t help the laugh that bubbles in your throat. 

“Howdy there, cowboy.” You flick the brim of his hat teasingly before grabbing your purse, locking up as you both head down to his truck. 

“So you’re still not gonna tell me where we’re heading to?” You ask once you’re both buckled in, and the truck roars to life. 

“You’ll see in a few minutes. Jus’ wanted to surprise you a little for our first… of hopefully many… dates.” He mumbles the last part under his breath, but your heart rate accelerates knowing he wanted to continue to see you. 

Soft tunes play within the confines of the cab of the truck and you look out of your window. It was all flatlands for a few miles, and then you both hit a bit of traffic, but you could easily see the huge ferris wheel from where you were at. 

You gasped as you sat straight in your seat, eyes shooting to Joel. “You’re taking me to the state fair?” You couldn’t contain your excitement. You absolutely loved the nostalgia the fair brought you, and you hadn’t been in a few years. 

“Mhm.” He says, tugging at his shirt collar with his index finger nervously. 

You grin and lean over the center console, giving him a kiss on the cheek. 

“Thank you. I’m so excited.” 

Joel smiles at your words and reaches for your hand, giving it a squeeze. 

“I’m glad. I was hopin’ you’d be into this idea. I know it’s not a traditional first date in any sense, but I gotta keep ya on your toes.” Joel winks at you, and you toss your head back with a laugh. 

“Miller, you’ve done that since the first words we spoke to each other at Rosemary’s. I know we’ve only known each other a short time, but I really do like you and it’s nice to be in the company of someone who actually puts thought into things like this. It means a lot.” 

“‘M glad you feel that way, darlin’. It means a great deal that you think so highly of me.” His tone is playful, but his words are sincere. 

“Only ‘cus you literally saved me from being trapped in my car. No biggie.” You huff a laugh, and he wraps his right arm around your shoulder to give your body a light shake. 

You both sit in a comfortable silence before making it to the parking lot. Once you find a parking spot, you  practically drag Joel to the ticket booth to purchase admission into the fair. He couldn’t help but laugh and admire your eagerness. 

“Okay,” He starts, looking at you with hopeful eyes. “Where to first?” 

“I’m actually pretty hungry. Wanna start off with food?” You ask him, and he nods immediately. You link your hand with his, and he lets you keep your fingers interlocked, so you lead him toward the so-called food court of the fair. 

The array of smells coming from every which way had you practically salivating. You ended up getting some wings and fries with a side of fried pickles, while Joel got a turkey leg and blooming onion. 

You make your way to a table and settle in, diving into your food. You push your plate of fried pickles toward Joel, and he happily plucks a couple off the plate and pops them into his mouth. 

“I swear there’s nothing on this Earth like fair food.” He hums, shaking his head as he chews on another fried pickle. 

“Agreed,” You say, eating a couple of fried pickles yourself before you speak up again. “So, tell me about Sarah, if you’d like.” 

Joel’s eyes avert to yours at the mention of her name, and the biggest smile overtakes his features. His eyes crinkle in pure happiness and he’s elated that you want to hear about his baby girl. 

“She’s so charismatic. Most sure fourteen year old you’d ever meet,” He starts with a grin as he begins to gather all the intel about his daughter so he can tell you exactly what she’s like. “She’s so smart, n’ I’m not jus’ sayin’ that ‘cus I’m her dad, but she really does carry such intelligence. She’s witty, funny, sarcastic, and just so damn bright. She easily captivates a crowd in a room with her wit n’ charm, which she obviously gets from me.” Joel boasts with a proud look on his face before shooting you a wink. 

You can’t help but giggle at the way he jokes, but you deeply admire the way he talks about her. You can tell she’s his whole world and more, and seeing a father love his daughter as much as he does warms your heart immensely. 

Joel was starting to show his heart on his sleeve. It was like uncovering invisible ink inch by inch. 

“She sounds absolutely wonderful. I’m sure she keeps you on your toes.” 

“She absolutely does.” He can’t help the pride that blooms in his chest. Raising her as a single parent wasn’t easy, but he made do. He thought he did a pretty good job. 

“If you don’t mind me asking, what happened to Sarah’s mom?” Joel gave you a sad smile, and maybe that wasn’t territory you should’ve crossed, you think. 

“She left shortly after Sarah was born. Didn’t wanna deal with bein’ a parent so young n’ all. I might’ve raised her all by myself, but her n’ I grew up together. She’s taught me endless love and so much patience.” 

“Oh Joel, I’m sorry–” He shakes his head, stopping you mid-sentence. 

“It’s okay, darlin’. Sarah n’ I navigate life together. That’s just how it is. We’re so used to it that having her mother in the picture would honestly be very weird.” He plucks another fried pickle from your plate, popping it into his mouth with a sly grin. You can’t help but return the smile. 

“Well, thank you for sharing that with me. I’m sure it probably wasn’t easy.” 

Joel shrugs, “It got easier to talk about overtime. Sarah n’ I are great.” 

“Does she know you’re on a date right now?” You’re curious. You don’t want to be the person that suddenly barges into their lives and disrupts their routine or anything. Sarah sounds so sweet, and the last thing you wanted was to intervene between the two. 

“She does, actually. She’s been hecklin’ me to go out n’ date again. She’s on the varsity soccer team at school n’ since she spends so much time with her team, she didn’t want me to be lonely. She was excited when I told her I was goin’ on a date today.” 

“She just wants you to be happy,” You say, and he nods. “Don’t blame her. I’d want the same for you, too.” 

“I am happy. You make me happy. Don’t know what it is about you that’s got me feelin’ so crazy inside. Feels like I’m a teenage boy again.” Joel laughs, and your eyes widen, because that’s exactly how you feel. 

“Joel, that’s—”

You heard your name being called from a short distance away, and your head swiveled around to lock eyes with none other than your sister. 

“Shit.” You say under your breath, and Joel’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion. 

“What’s the matter?” He asks, but before you could answer, your sister and her fiancé stroll up to the table. 

“Hey sis! Didn’t know you’d be here today.” She has a shit-eating grin on her face, like she just caught you doing something you weren’t supposed to be doing. 

“Didn’t know you’d be here either.” You give her a tight-lipped smile, eyes shifting to the man standing beside her. 

“Hi Josh.” You greet him with a small wave, and the sympathy in his eyes is enough of a forewarning that you were going to be in for it from your sister. 

“So who’s this?” Your sister gestures to Joel, and you glare at her briefly. You felt heat creep up your body, feeling a little ticked off. You wanted to keep Joel a mystery just a little longer. 

“This is Joel. Joel, this is my sister and her fiancé Josh.” You introduce them three, and while you’re feeling nothing short of embarrassed, Joel has a big smile on his face as he extends his hand to shake both of theirs. 

“Nice to meet y’all.” He says, and your sister beams. 

“Ah, so you’re the mystery firefighter my sister always gushes about,” She laughs, and you groan and hide your face behind your hands. “Thank you for getting her out of that horrible car accident, by the way.” Her voice was coated with sincerity and gratefulness. 

“‘S no problem, really. I’d rescue her any day.” He looks at you as you peek an eye through your fingers, and he shoots you a wink. 

Your sister ‘aww’s at Joel’s words. 

The heat in your face never wavers and you hide your face again, shaking your head in pure embarrassment. 

“So when’s the wedding?” Joel asks politely, making conversation so awkwardness doesn’t roll over the four of you. 

Your sister can’t help but gleam when she answers him, “August tenth! You should come. It would be so much fun.” 

Your hands evade your face, and you look up at your sister with furrowed brows and a panicked stare. What the hell was she doing? 

Joel looked at you for a second with a small smile, and you wanted so badly to shrink into yourself and let the world swallow you whole. 

“Love to, only if this one would like me to go.” He nudges your foot under the table playfully, and an awkward chuckle escapes you. 

“You’d be subjected to my family if you went, Joel. I’m not sure you’d wanna deal with… all that.” 

Your sister laughs at your words, “She does have a fair point. Our brothers and cousins are quite the rowdy bunch.” 

“I like a challenge.” Joel smirks, eyes locking with yours. 

“I like him even more now.” Your sister laughs, nudging you on your shoulder. 

You shoo her hand away, rolling your eyes. “Okay, okay. It’s up to you, Joel, but I’m giving you a huge warning in advance.” 

He grins at you and grabs your hand from across the table, gently swiping his thumb over your soft skin. 

“Well, It was nice to meet you, Joel. Josh and I are gonna head out and grab a funnel cake.” Your sisters bids you both goodbye, and you and Joel both say your goodbyes before they walk off. 

“God, Joel, I am so sorry. I hope you don’t feel pressured into going to her wedding or anything. I know it’s like a month away and–”

Joel stops you with a kiss to the back of your hand. “Not at all, darlin’. But if you rather I not go, then I won’t. ‘S up to you.” 

“It’s not that–it’s just–,” You sigh, trying to find the right wording. “I’ve been single for so long. My last relationship didn’t end well, and my family is overprotective of me because they don’t wanna see me get hurt again. They can be… a bit much, sometimes.” 

You look at him, and he gives your hand a squeeze. 

“I mean, that’s understandable. Nobody likes seein’ members of their family gettin’ hurt, especially in a relationship. ‘M sorry your last one ended badly, but baby, if you let me, I’d love to give you everythin’ I can. I know this datin’ thing is scary, because hell, it took me so long to say yes to someone’s advances, but I really do like you and I would love to see where this goes.” 

You’re elated by Joel’s words. He was just so damn sweet and you genuinely felt like you didn’t deserve any of this. Dating is a scary thing, and the thought of giving yourself to someone again, letting them in to get to know all of you, terrified you. 

But, your sister's words ring in your head, once again. The world won’t end if you give up an ounce of control. 

“I’m glad you said yes to my advances.” You say, and Joel lifts your hands to his lips once again, giving it several kisses. 

“‘M happy I did, too.” 

-

“So which game do you want to play?” Joel asks, looking back at you as you try to fall into step with him. It was a couple of hours later, the sunset starting to creep in. 

“The water gun game. Love that one.” You grin, and he leads the way to the last two empty seats on the side. Joel hands the man running the game four tickets as you both settle in your seats, and you flash Joel a smirk. 

“Get ready to get your ass handed to you, cowboy.” Your shoulders shake with laughter as he gives you a look. He didn’t expect a competitive side to come out of you, but he liked it. A lot. 

“‘M ready, baby. Don’t hold back now.” He laughs as you both take hold of the metal machines, hovering your thumbs over the red buttons on the top. The bell goes off to start, and you zero in on getting the water into the tiny target. You don’t even think you blink until the bell goes off, signifying that someone won. 

You look up at the poles, and although Joel beat you, neither of you won. Some guy at the other end won and picked out a prize for his girlfriend and gave her a big kiss after she got a big plushie. 

You smile at the scene before you, and Joel notices you looking at them. He was determined to win something for you, because he wanted you to remember this day. 

He leads you over to a ball throwing game where he has to knock down bottles on three tiers of shelves. Nobody else was at the stand, so he got the opportunity to show off and impress you. 

You couldn’t help the way your eyes moved to the rippling biceps beneath the hem of his shirt, trailing them up to his tan neck, to the slightly graying stubble on his jaw, to his plush lips and strong angular nose, and his pretty eyes. His soft brown curls were barely peeking out from under his Stetson, and all you wanted to do was take his hat off and run your fingers through his hair. 

He’s a fucking dreamboat, and you really couldn’t believe that you were able to pull someone like him. 

“This one’s for you, baby.” He turns to wink at you, catching you staring at him. Heat shoots up to your face and you give him a shy smile, watching as he easily knocks down five bottles. Even the game attendant was impressed, and Joel pulled you into his side so you could pick out whichever stuffed animal you wanted. 

You chose a big teddy bear that was squishy, giving Joel a kiss on the cheek and thanking him for winning it for you. 

“So how many teddy bears have you won for previous women? You made that look too easy.” You joke, nudging his side as you both walk away from the game. 

“Mm, around thirty. I’m a regular here.” Joel deadpans. Your mouth drops open in mock offense, and the most guttural laugh erupts from his chest. 

“Jus’ you, baby. Tommy n’ I used to play catch a lot.” He reassures you, and you quirk your brow at him. 

“Better be, Miller, or there’ll be hell to pay.” You poke his chest with no malice behind your actions. 

“I bet there will be, darlin’.” He catches your hand and spins you around so your back is flush against his front, and he kisses your neck. He’s moving ahead of you before you even have time to process what just happened, but excitement zinged through your body at his gesture. 

You walk for about five minutes before you spot a photo booth not even twenty feet away. You stop him in his tracks and look at him with the best pleading eyes you can muster up. 

“Would you hate me if I asked you to take pictures with me?” You nod your head toward the photo booth, and Joel looks taken aback. 

“Hate you? I could never. I’d love to take pictures with you.” 

You guess you didn’t realize your wording before you said it. You were so used to your ex hating things you wanted to do, including taking photos to capture memories. He always made you feel bad about it, so you stopped doing it so much after you broke up. You just didn’t realize that the shitty feeling was still buried somewhere inside you. 

Joel tugs you along to the photo booth, sliding in first. The bench was extremely small, and it was nearly impossible to fit both of you side-by-side. 

“Jus’ sit on my lap.” Joel suggests, spreading his legs and patting his thigh. You swallow harshly and nod, sitting on his lap.

 You both get situated and put the two dollars in the machine before pressing the start button. Joel grabs on to your hips, and you nearly melt into a fucking puddle at his touch. 

It’d been so long since anyone has simply touched you, so your whole body was buzzing with nerves and excitement. 

You both smile for the first photo. You didn’t know what to do next, so you threw up a peace sign, Joel following your lead. For the third photo, you grabbed Joel’s face and gently squished him between your forefinger and thumb, sticking your tongue out.

You look at the screen and realize Joel was staring at you, so you turn your head to look at him. His smile is soft and his eyes are hooded, glancing down at your lips. 

You pluck his Stetson off of his head, covering half of your faces as Joel leans in and closes the gap, kissing you gently. Your body melts into his as you bring your other hand up to his curls, running your fingers through them to cradle the back of his head. His arms tighten around you, and he deepens the kiss, turning his head to the side. 

The last sound of the shutter goes off, but neither of you pull away. The arm holding his hat moves to rest on his shoulder as your lips move in tandem. You don’t know how long you were there just kissing. It was gentle and sweet, but there was a ferocious hunger that was brewing beneath the surface. You both felt it. 

You had to pull away before you lost all control, so you regrettably separated yourself from him. He rubbed his nose against yours, breathing a little ragged, before he leaned back to look at you. 

He cups your face and swipes his thumb over your cheekbone, giving you one last peck as reality trickles back down around you both once more. You put his hat back on his head before standing up from his lap, an unavoidable neediness coursing through your body. 

You grabbed both of the photo strips that were printed, smiling at them when you saw what they looked like. You never thought you’d admit to yourself ever again that you looked good with someone else by your side, but you couldn’t deny the sparkle in your eyes that you saw in the photos—all because of Joel. 

It scared you, truthfully. The thought of relying on someone else for happiness or reassurance just didn’t sit well with you quite yet, but what was the point of it all if you weren’t willing to let yourself just try? 

An hour passed before beautiful hues of orange, purple and pink took over as dusk settled on the horizon of the sky. You and Joel decided to split a funnel cake, but not without getting powdered sugar all over yourselves. 

“You got a little…” Joel trails off as he reaches his thumb out to the corner of your mouth, swiping off some stray powdered sugar before popping his thumb into his mouth. You lick your lips and watch him carefully, the ache of arousal only getting worse. 

“Wanna go on the ferris wheel?” You ask, desperate to distract yourself from your undying want for this man. 

“Love to.” 

You both dust off any powdered sugar left behind on your shirts, walking hand-in-hand to the ferris wheel. Joel gave the ride attendant the last six tickets he had, and you both climbed on. 

You were silent for most of the ride, admiring all the twinkling lights and patrons below. You glance at Joel who was already looking at you once again, and you can’t help the smile from forming. 

“Thank you so much for today. I had a lot of fun.” 

“‘Course, darlin’. ‘M glad I got to do this with you.” 

“Me too. I have some pretty great souvenirs, too.” You clutch onto your teddy bear, and he shakes his head with a laugh. 

The ferris wheel came to a stop, and you realized you were both at the top as you looked down at the fairgrounds below. 

“Would it be super fuckin’ cheesy and cliché if I asked you to kiss me right now?” Joel asks, scooting closer to you. 

“It would,” You start, leaning in to him. “But I don’t care. Be as cheesy and cliché as you’d like.” 

He grins before tipping your chin up with his thumb and forefinger, pressing his lips to yours once more. This time was a bit different. Joel kissed you with more force, neediness coursing through his body just as much as yours. 

He swiped his tongue against your bottom lip, and you immediately parted your lips for him. You couldn’t help the moan that bubbled in your throat as you moved closer to him, gripping onto his bicep. 

It was so easy to get lost in him. It was easy to talk with him, to laugh with him, to be with him. So, so fucking easy. 

You’d never felt this way about anyone before. It was wild to think about, because you just met him not even a month ago, but you could see yourself being so unapologetically happy with him. 

It might’ve been insane to think about that so early on, but your gut was telling you that you finally chose right. 

You were so wrapped up in each other and the heated kiss you were exchanging that you didn’t even realize the ferris wheel started moving again, and you eventually reached the bottom. The ride attendant awkwardly cleared their throat with a tight-lipped smile, and you immediately pulled away from Joel. 

You were mortified as you uttered ‘sorry’ at least five times before getting off the ride with Joel. 

Joel couldn’t help but laugh that you two had been caught, but he couldn’t care less. He felt so himself and so carefree around you. 

“Should we head back to yours?” He asks, a hint of desperation in his tone. You couldn’t even find the right words because your brain was absolute mush, so you just nod your head in agreement. 

The ride home didn’t take long, but as soon as you walked through your apartment door with him and set your prize and purse down, he was on you. He gently pushed you up against the door, hands wrapping around you as one moved down to your lower back. 

He separated his lips from yours for a second, nibbling on your chin. “Is it okay if I touch you?” He asks, voice filled with hope. 

God, please, yes. Touch me everywhere, you think. 

“Yes.” You whisper, and his lips are on yours once again. His tongue invaded your mouth, this kiss even hungrier than it was on the ferris wheel. One of his hands moved down to your ass, and you moaned into his mouth at the touch, fisting the back of his shirt into your hand in desperation. 

He moved you away from the door and walked backward toward your couch, plopping down on it. He immediately yanks your hips down so you’re straddling him, and you gently take the Stetson off of his head before setting it to the side. You crash your lips to his once again, both of your hands cupping his cheeks as you press yourself into his crotch unintentionally. 

Joel groans at the sensation, cock stirring in his jeans as you both continue to invade each other’s mouths, all teeth and tongue. His hands move down to your ass, giving it a squeeze as he guides you to rock your hips against his. 

You don’t even shy away anymore. You want this—you want him. But you had to pace yourself, not wanting to bite off more than you can chew. You ground your hips into his, clit catching perfectly onto the seam of your jeans as you felt his bulge straining against the denim he was wearing. 

“Fuck, Joel.” You whine, biting your bottom lip as you separate your lips from his. 

“I know, baby. Feels good, doesn’t it?” He’s breathless as he moves you a little faster, and you nod your head feverishly. 

“Yeah–yes–fuck, it does. So good.” Your arousal was coating your panties, slick and warm as your cunt ached to be touched. 

Slow. Slow, you had to remind yourself.  

You’d just have to take care of yourself after he left tonight. 

“Fuck–darlin’ I think we should–wait.” Joel tries to find the words as they barely register in his head. 

You slow your hips down, panting against him and you nod. 

“I know. We should take it slow.” You say, and he licks his lips with a nod. 

“Yeah. Don’t get me wrong, as much as I’d love to–I jus’– I haven’t been with anyone in a real long time, and I don’t wanna fuck this up. I wanna do this right.” 

“I know, Joel. I’m with you. I wanna take this slow, too. I like you a lot and I wanna do this right with you as well.” 

Your eyes bored into his brown ones, sparkling with hope and happiness. He kissed your cheek a few times before nosing at your jaw, hands moving up to settle on your hips again. 

He pulled back and looked at you with that same soft smile on his handsome face—a sight you knew you’d never tire of. 

You’d quickly come to a revelation as you stared at him, chest heaving up and down as you desperately tried to catch your breath: you were falling—and this time, you didn’t want to get back up. 

tags: @ilovepedro ; @nostalxgic ; @endlessthxxghts ; @pamasaur ; @clawdee ; @pascalpvnk ; @bensonispunk ; @merz-8 ; @darkblue-tennesseee ; @buckyispunk ; @untamedheart81 ; @picketniffler ; @fluffygoffpanda ; @paleidiot ; @typewriter83 ; @lizzie-cakes ; @sawymredfox ; @keylimebeag ; @nandan11

divider by @saradika-graphics

[callixspod]

Your affection. [Read ID]

might make an animatic out of this BUT!! here's more of my brain blasted insanities. Rambles of "I<3U" AU below here ↓

What began as a simple one off story about a living digital consciousness inside a video game to be implemented on Persona 4, and their unused game files hidden behind folders, left to collect dust. But it still remains, waiting for anyone to discover it.

I can't put on the details on how Yosuke even gained sentience, but I can tell you now that this AU simply took place on Persona 4 Vanilla. (Not golden. As much as it has its own content I will be sticking with its roots. So yes, Yosuke didn't own/bought a motorcycle. That event never happened.) Hanamura's odd behavior only happened when the Player bought the game with a specific player ID. So their gameplay experience will be on their perspective of how this one character manages to know, everything about them. Also slightly close to creepypastas which, I loved. Huhu.

This can be seen as a Yume or Souyo ship perspective so pick your poison

Now it's time for Yosuke's unique behavior towards the player when they progress the game. His depraved ass was already set to go off when the player was given the option to pick miscellaneous interactions between the characters, mostly to follow up Yosuke's questions or any one of the investigation team to mention anything about Yosuke. The options being "What kind of girls do you prefer?", "Looking great [insert name]" or the famous "Which ones are you looking forward to see in a swimsuit"

If you're like me and didn't indulge on having a romantic subchoice to any of the members, that's where it triggers the start of a few bugs and glitches manifested behind the scenes, fuelling the code until it couldn't automatically run on itself, but from something else manually taking over. Manifesting the game to not coordinate with its ordered storyline, changing the system to be primarily more unique than others.

When Yosuke only appears for a few days on the weekend, suddenly his model would stand in position to a day that he was not meant to show up. He was meant to show up on a Sunday. So why was he here out in daylight on a Saturday? Other strange occurrences are if whenever Yosuke was on scene, closeups and corrupted texts would come in to reach out to the Player, sending a message that only he and the other side of the screen can see.

Now his normal dialogue never wound up to show from the screen, simply replaced with vague, short-ended questions asking them if "Are you there?" "Can you hear me?" "I can't see you, but I can still hear your voice." "Will you show me someday?" That last part was not a suggestion. Really demanding, hard for him to know he'll be left alone all over again if the Player turns off their game, aw :( And he keeps remembering the shit I gave to you even when I didn't need some of them.

So that's it? I think??? 😭 There will be more, later I'm rlly tired.

until then, have what's served on this 4 stat Yelp restaurant.

[bellshazes]

dreaming up a syllabus for an imaginary course on metanarratives about gameplay, which i think would go something like:

unit 1: who do you think you are i am - auto-documentary & games

Vlogs and the Hyperreal, Folding Ideas

The Slow Death of Let's Play Videos, Meraki (to ~10:00)

World Record Progression: Mike Tyson, Summoning Salt

ROBLOX_OOF.mp3, hbomberguy

Life as a Bokoblin: A Zelda Nature Documentary, Monster Maze

optional: Braindump on the History of Let's Plays, slowbeef

unit 2: what like it's hard? - intro to challenge narratives

Chapter 26: Games as Narrative Play: Two Structures for Narrative Play, Rules of Play

A different kind of challenge run: Minimalist 100% (BOTW), Wolf Link

Surviving 100 Days on Just Dirt, Mogswamp

Can You Beat DARK SOULS III with Only Firebombs, the Backlogs

Is it Possible to Beat Super Mario 3D World while permanently crouching?, Ceave Gaming

The Pacifist Challenge - Beating Hollow Knight Without Collecting Soul [CHALLENGE] - Sample

optional: How to 100% Snowpeak Ruins in under 15 minutes, bewildebeest

unit 3: nelly you don't understand, i AM the narrative - form and function

The Future of Writing about Games, Jacob Geller

Can You Beat GRIME Without Weapons?, the Backlogs

Mushroom Kingdom Championships, Ceave Gaming

My Life as a Barber in Hitman 2, MinMax (Leo Vader)

MyHouse.WAD - Inside Doom's Most Terrifying Mod, PowerPak

optional: Mega Microvideos, Matthewmatosis

the theme and structure is mostly intended to introduce at least one critical or historically contextual work followed by examples of the type of narrative in question.

in unit 1, this is the idea of "How do people talk about their own experiences in the context of YouTube and playing video games?" across three rather different kinds of documentaries. unit 2 is intended to take that lens of who is telling what tale and dial in on challenge running, where i first noticed the way some videos turn the story of overcoming a challenge into its own narrative that is distinct from but related to the narrative events of the game itself. unit 3 circles back to the bigger picture with a variety of examples that, to me, are maximally metanarrative, the emergent story of the player-narrator now functionally replacing the game's embedded narrative.

bonus unit: broken narratives

Glitch & the Grotesque at the MLA, Sylvia Korman

Watching time loop movies to escape my time loop, Leo Vader

The Stanley Parable, Dark Souls, and Intended Play, Folding Ideas

Breaking Madden, Jon Bois

The TRUTH about the Pizzaplex in FNAF: Security Breach, AstralSpiff

this one is highly underdeveloped, but i'd love to work out something more robust building on randomizer challenges that produce intentionally bizarre, semi-ironic "lore," and bois-esque endeavors to break games so hard the story itself crumbles. but that's really out of scope so i'm just including the links to things i couldn't bear to get rid of. more rambling abt the challenge runs I chose under the cut.

Challenge runs represent one of the most obvious places to start, due to being extremely plentiful and having a hook that makes a "here's how I did X thing in Y video game" format almost unavoidable. Minimalist 100% is an underrated and sweet straightforward example that I mostly include as a baseline for reporting-out style narrative; here are the facts, here's what happened, this is the thing that it is. Mogswamp's 100 Days on Just Dirt is similar in style, but the physical measuring of days is a delightful and, more importantly, external narrative device.

Now oriented, we get a taste of Ceave Gaming's narrative approach to Mario challenges with the no-crouching run, and while we still aren't at the degree of player-characters being constructed for the narrative's sake, the spirited belief in crouching sets the stage for other rhetoric in more extreme cases we'll see later.

The Backlogs' entire body of work qualifies here, but GRIME is the strongest inspiration for putting this list together. I include the DS3 firebombs run because what was initially a factual description of how his wife's use of firebombs inspired him to play differently in the original DS1 firebombs run has developed into full-blown multi-game narrative arc with the Firebomb Goddess (his wife, who also voices the character) compelling his in-game character to achieve his destined quest. Grime takes that even further,

In-Game Documentaries

I include Life as a Bokoblin mostly as a contrast to My Life as a Barber - there is a level of fictionalization and roleplay involved in the Zelda in-game documentary that highlights exactly what I want to single out when I am talking about metanarrative, the story about a story.

[exactlycleverpirate]

(Over) Analyzing the Love and Deepspace Theme Song

“Some long for longevity

Before fading to dust

Some long for eternal sleep

And eulogy chanted by stars

Into that serenity

Their lost time forever buried

She rambled a thousand times

And million miles

Searching for her light

Free from the rule of death

Now seem so dull

Time goes by but memories rewind

Here she prays again

Back when things began

Where to go

Where they meet and grow old

Where no rivers would flow

No woods would grow

No life would never be ceased

Or somewhere they could start again

Where they would never be the same

Where rains everyday

Fain they would stay

Some forsake longevity

Then fading to dust

Some fall for eternal sleep

Their eulogies turn into gleaming stars

Will they meet in stars again

Or gone with the wind”

Spoilers under the cut.

Some long for longevity

Before fading to dust

I think this line could be a reference to the people of Philos, especially the ones on Earth. The Backtrackers are trying to find a way to prolong Philos and their lives with it. When Xavier cuts down the man in the alley, he dissolves into dust. The planet is dying and has no oceans. The whole planet is described as being dustier than Earth was. The imagery during the video for these lines is of the galaxy. 

The Wanderers also fade to dust when they are cut down. In fact, the first scene we see of Xavier in the game is him cutting down Wanderers and them dispersing into light.

Additionally, there are people on Earth who are trying to achieve immortality, particularly those who are using Lemurian blood to prolong their lives. Meanwhile, in Fragrant Dream, Rafayel dissolves into sea foam to save MC. (But this could be a bit of a stretch.)

Some long for eternal sleep

And eulogy chanted by stars

Eternal sleep is a common theme throughout this game. Zanye falls into eternal sleep in his myth. Rafayel will also fall into eternal sleep in his myth if something doesn't change. Meanwhile, Xavier is suspiciously tired all the time. 

Particularly telling is that these lines coincide with a silhouette of Xavier in the video, as well as a starry expanse. The implication seems to be that Xavier is longing for that eternal sleep. Which wouldn't be terribly surprising. He has been living and fighting and losing the person he loves over and over for a very long time.

A eulogy is something written or spoken to remember those who have died. In this case, the stars themselves are the ones speaking the memories. It makes me think of old mythology where great heroes and demi-gods would be immortalized in constellations when they died.

I think this segment is also connected to Wanderers, and Xavier's story is particularly tied to Wanderers. I think it is very possible that whatever humanity remains in the Wanderers wants to be at rest, finally. I think there is likely relief when Xavier (and Zayne in his 3rd Anecdote), set them free to finally rest in peace.

Into that serenity

Their lost time forever buried

Here, the video shows us a silhouette of Zayne, and behind him is Mt. Eternal. At the end of his myth, Zayne has slipped into the serenity of eternal sleep, buried under a snowy blizzard. Additionally, at the end of the Main Story chapter 8, we see Zayne interacting with something buried under ice.

Even before this, in Zayne's Myth, they lose time again and again as their memories are erased, and they are reset. Additionally, there is some time weirdness going on between Doctor Zayne and Dawnbreaker Zayne. 

She rambled a thousand times

And million miles

Searching for her light

The video shows planet Earth rotating and a sun rising over the horizon. This is clearly about MC, traveling worlds and times, resurrecting again and again, searching for her love(s), her freedom, her memories. Particularly poignant is Queen MC at the end of Xavier’s Myth, thinking about how her star is gone.

Free from the rule of death

Now seem so dull

Time goes by but memories rewind

This section is paired with Rafayel's silhouette in the video. It is hard to make out the background, but I think it is an underwater city, presumably Lemuria. Lemurians are naturally eternal/immortal. As far as we have seen so far, they are the only people in the game who come by this naturally (unless this is a result of that ancient Lemurian technology, but either way, immortality is literally in their blood).

Rafayel may die, but the implication through his content seems to be that when he does die, he will merge into the waters of the ocean and one day be reincarnated. He is free from the rule of death, but over and over in his stories and behavior, we see that he is bored. Life has become dull (particularly without MC). He talks of death as a blessing for Lemurians in Whalefall Lament.

Something that is an important reoccurring theme throughout Rafayel's content is memories. MC has forgotten him, which he is very frustrated about. In Fragrant Dream, she has forgotten him as well, and restoring her memories and humanity costs Rafayel his life. In his myth, Rafayel tries to erase her memories to protect her, but she remembers anyway, and tells him she is not someone who easily forgets (which seems a little ironic, given how much she has forgotten across times and tales). 

Rafayel also seems to have the potential to have the oldest memories with her. Where Xavier’s memories are primarily in the future, I think it likely that many of Rafayel's are in the past (though not the myth). If I were to have each man represent an aspect of time, I would say Xavier is future, Zayne is present, and Rafayel is past. And I think we see that connection here with memories rewinding.

I will add that MC has lost memories of all 3 men throughout her various stories, though I would argue that current day MC has primarily lost memories of Rafayel, as she only met Zayne after the Chronorift Catastrophe, and most of her story with Xavier is set in the future, but present day MC has only just met him (aside from a brief encounter during the Chronorift Catastrophe).

Here she prays again

Back when things began

The video at this part once more shows a galaxy/starry expanse. 

I'm inclined to say this is also connected to Rafayel's story, though I'm not sure. There are two different gods we see mentioned in Love and Deepspace, the God of the Sea (Rafayel) and Astra. Though this could refer to praying at the shrines and things of that nature just in general, praying for luck, well being, help, etc. 

But I do think it is interesting that in Rafayel’s myth, there is a suggestion that she is/was a follower/devotee/worshiper of the Sea God. Adding to that my thoughts that Rafayel has the oldest connection, and the “back when things began” is a good fit too. However, Xavier’s Anecdote 3 can also be seen as a beginning, particularly of the time-loop they seem to be trapped in now.

Where to go

On this line, the video flashes through the locations of each of the myths. First the city in the Golden Sands of Rafayel's myth, then the castle in Philos where Xavier is, and finally the Tower of Thorns where Zayne is trapped.

Where they meet and grow old

Where no rivers would flow

Here, we again see Rafayel in the video. Of my experience going through the content, Rafayel is the most blatant and consistent about wanting to spend his life with MC, and even refers to her as his bride in the myth. Thus we have connected with him the longing to grow old with MC. To have her beside him throughout his life. Indeed, I think he gave her his heart because he knew otherwise they would one day be separated by her truly dying, and he wanted to make her immortal like himself, so she could live on with him, over the course of their lives.

Rivers flowing is a plain reference to the city in the Golden Sands that is the source for 64 rivers, yet the land has no ocean. All water, at least in that area, flows from the city, which happens to be where MC is essentially imprisoned in order to protect the immortality of the people of Philos. The people of Philos, at least in the Golden Sands, hoard the water, MC, and immortality, all of which they have essentially stolen from Rafayel.

No woods would grow

No life would never be ceased

Here we go to Zayne. Honestly, I would have expected “no woods would grow” to be connected to Xavier and Starfall Forest. And while that may be a part of it, the video seems to make a direct link to the thorns in the Tower of Thorns instead.

“No life would never be ceased” is particularly interesting for Zayne. It works well as a connecting theme between Doctor Zayne, Dawnbreaker Zayne, and Myth Zayne. 

Doctor Zayne is haunted by every patient he loses, keeping a tally of them to remember. He is particularly haunted by the death of William on Mt. Eternal. And he is frantically researching to find a way to prevent MC’s life from ceasing as well. Additionally, Zayne has an underlying anxiety of protecting MC from himself, and he seems to be a ticking time bomb with whatever is going on with his Evol.

Dawnbreaker Zayne ends life after life rather than allowing these people to devolve into monsters. However, he longs for Doctor Zayne's life, where he could save others instead of simply putting them out of their misery.

Meanwhile, Myth Zayne has watched MC die again and again and again, failing to save her each time, until he finally breaks the loop, sacrificing his life for hers.

Or somewhere they could start again

Where they would never be the same

Here we come to Xavier. He and MC fell in love when they were young (comparatively), but it quickly ended in tragedy. When he is reunited with her in his myth, it looks at first like they might have a chance of being together this time. But then he learns the truth behind Philos, Wanderers, and MC’s connection to it all, and all his focus and energy goes into saving her, rather than their relationship. Indeed, even in Anecdote 3, Xavier sacrifices his precious remaining time with her in a desperate bid to find a way to save her life. 

This appears to be true in the Main Story as well. Rather than prioritizing a relationship with you, he is trying to find a way to save you, both current you and the Queen he left behind on Philos. If only there were a way to break from this cycle. To start from the beginning, without the fighting, heartache, and loss, and just be together. Where he didn't have to say goodbye to her in a desperate bid to keep her alive.

Where rains everyday

Fain they would stay

This takes us back to Rafayel. Rafayel loves the rain, forgoing umbrellas to enjoy being soaked. And deserts, such as the Golden Sands, desperately need rain. So where is a place where the rains would be glad to stay? Where water is abundant, life giving, and free, rather than hoarded, trapped, and closely guarded? Somewhere the Lemurians can live freely without being hunted or enslaved? Where MC is not trapped in a fancy cage to be used as a battery for a whole planet?

“Fain they would stay” also goes back to Zayne in the video. Where is somewhere that he and MC can stay together, where he doesn't feel the need to pull away to keep her safe? Where they aren't pulled apart by divine or cosmic forces?

Following this is an instrumental section where we see the Deepspace Tunnel, then Mt. Eternal (Zayne), the coast of Hat Island (Rafayel), and Tracback II (Xavier).

Some forsake longevity

Then fading to dust

Some fall for eternal sleep

Their eulogies turn into gleaming stars

During this segment, there is a galaxy in the background that slowly grows into the distinct shape of an eye. (Such as the eye MC sees outside her window, the eyes of the drones around the city, the red eyes of the raven in the forest, the eye of Astra given to Zayne so he could see through time.)

And now we come full circle. We started with those wanting longevity rather than becoming dust, but here we come to those willing to give up their longevity to fade to dust. Similarly, we started with those longing for eternal sleep and eulogies in the stars, and here we have those who fall into that eternal sleep, and their eulogies are in fact etched into the stars.

I think all of this is an indication of how all three of these men, Rafayel, Zayne, and Xavier, are willing to give to their lives, their longevity, their immortality, for MC. And their heroic sacrifices are of the sort that are etched into the very stars, like those mythological heroes of ancient times.

Will they meet in stars again

Or gone with the wind

We see Xavier interacting with what appears to be a wrecked Traceback II or similar machinery. We see Zayne at Mt. Eternal under an aurora, either freezing or excavating something (a protocore?) buried in the ice there. And we see Rafayel working on his painting that seems to depict a mermaid tale in an underwater city, then he vanishes, leaving the painting covered in a bloody red.

These are the final scenes for these characters at the end of chapter 8.

Meeting in the stars seems particularly connected to Xavier, as he has a consistent star theme throughout his stories. Connecting to the earlier idea of constellations and mythological heroes, there are a number of versions of loved ones who could not meet/reunite on Earth, but were able to find each other as stars (i.e. Gemini, Vega and Altair, Andromeda and Perseus (less tragic), and some others too, I think.)

What I find particularly interesting is the reference to the wind. In the prologue of the Main Story, the voice on the radio tells us the winds are at 5 km/hr. In the epilogue of Chapter 8, the radio voice says the winds are at 7 k/m. In both the epilogue and the song, the mention of wind coincides with wind blowing through Rafayel's house as he works on his painting and then vanishes. Gone with the wind. Leaving a bloody sea behind.

Give me your thoughts, corrections, additions, what-have-you in the comments or PM me!

[ultraericthered]

One Villainous Scene: Cage Of Expectations

A brief one, but it gives so much insight and explains so much about the inner world of a character who, up to this point, was kept shrouded in mystery even though we all knew he was the villain, and also perfectly sets him up to make the decisions he ends up making.

While the later retcon tells us that Ken became a prodigious, genius boy due to a "Dark Spore" inplanted in him by accident that only "went off" when he visited the Dark Ocean, the whys and hows aren't really crucial to understanding Ken's story at this point: he's a star student, star athlete, and even something of a young celebrity within the world of science and computers. Because he is so well known and renowned, he's given plenty of filmed interviews like we see him doing here. After the interview is done, the headmaster of Ken's school comes over to him to offer congragulatory words...and then in a very shady move, whispers to Ken the offer to tutor his daughter in her studies over at his place so that she can excell in her grades at his school, saying he'd reward Ken handsomely for it. Ken plays the "I'm just a kid, I ain't THAT good" card, which makes the principal start to back off...but then he turns back around and asks the disgruntled Ken for an autograph. Turns out that beyond mere corruption and nepotism practices, the headmaster was pestering Ken about these things because his daughter's a fangirl of Ken. This does not please Ken. Who do some plain, unexceptional, low IQ girl and her plain, unexceptional, low IQ father think they are asking him for favors like this? Such matters are far below his time and efforts.

(In the English dub, this interaction is changed to some nonsense about the headmaster wanting Ken over to help him win at a video game called "Donkey Madness" prior to getting the autograph. The effect on Ken is the same, but I think it takes a lot out of the scene.)

Ken is then seen at dinner with his parents, who are acting all congragulatory and gushing over their son's interview and how smart he is and how maturely he presents himself. Yeah, they're really shitty parents. Much as they do love their son and loved his late brother, their love for the idea of being the parents of a special genius child enraptures them so much that they lose sight of what's really best for their child and his needs as a human being, and they coast off the achievements and reputation of their child without really giving back to him in any substantial way. Ken isn't really pleased with the way they interact with him either, so he gets up and leaves the table.

Then comes the big moment. An image that says so much even when so little is said (again, in the original. The dub butchered it by having Ken internally ramble the whole way, which not even Derek Stephen Prince can really save.) Ken's on the roof of his apartment building, standing in front of a barred fence. He can see the entire city from here, a city filled with mediocre people who he considers to be completely beneath him, but who will always look to exploit his gifts and use whatever he accomplishes for their own benefit, and will feel alright about themselves for doing nothing, being nothing. Ken would love nothing more than to abuse, bully, enslave, torture, or even kill the whole lot of them...but he's far too intelligent to not know better. He knows that the rules of civil society prohibit him from acting freely upon those cruel urges, making him have to conform and comply with the regulations set by lesser people. He, a Chosen One, a "perfect human", has to just sit there and take it like a good little boy, to not werewolf and go wild on these people. He's trapped. Caged like a rare breed of animal rather than the god he believes himself to be. The bars he grabs onto represents this cage, and all he can do here is snarl and shout out to city below him "INSECTS!"

But of course we know that there's a place Ken goes to where he can actually live his wildest fantasies, and act as he would naturally prefer to act towards lesser beings completely free of repercussions. The world he believes is one large MMORPG that exists for his pleasure. The Digital World, where he asserts himself as the Digimon Kaiser. And it's at this point where he starts to call that place home.

[ohsohoney]

When it comes to love you're just as blinded.

Part Three

Eminem x Musician

Summary: It starts with a drunk embarrassing video, it spirals into something a whole lot more.

Note: Ah this took ages to write but I actually really loved it- finally they meet!! Hopefully I got a few things about Detroit right too but I don't live there so lemme know if not! Also I appreciate all the love the last two parts have gotten, means a lot!

Warnings: Some heavier topics surrounding a rough childhood and abuse of substances.

Set in 2014, just after the release of LP 2 || Em’s daughters are renamed here because it felt weird not to and also have different ages– doesn’t affect the story much but just a warning! Rosie's nickname is also Z:)

Masterlist

It was far too early to be up. Especially after the night I’d just had, tossing and turning until I’d eventually passed out from sheer exhaustion. Something I hadn’t quite anticipated after my call with Em, but sleep had seemed near enough impossible once I’d hung up. No real reason as to why, simply that my mind had gone from a dull sluggish buzz to over-fucking-load in a mere matter of seconds.

Thankfully I had a flight to catch which meant that, even though I looked like my mum after another week long bender, I would be able to catch a little sleep before landing in Detroit. 

Detroit. That was the singular thought my tired mind kept pausing on. Stupidly, it felt just like yesterday that Marshall had first bridged that gap between us and phoned me, only it had been weeks since then, during which the most unexpected friendship had blossomed. He’d called again that next day and the timezones separating us had been made all that more obvious, him having not long dropped his daughter off at school whilst I’d been returning from lunch. He never really had given me the real reason as to why he’d gone and gotten in touch again so quickly, only that he’d wanted to double check that I was still down to fly out and work on a song or two. 

It hadn’t phased me. Neither had the next few calls that had followed, nor the texts that I’d found myself composing to him at odd hours of the day. 

We’d spoken about music at first: “Who inspires you?” He’d asked me which had led into a ramble. Something I only ever tended to do with those who knew me best, never having really mastered the whole art of social interaction yet, even after the fame. But he’d let me go on, before I’d eventually spun the question back around on him and listened quietly to a passionate speech about the handful of artists that had transported him out of the tiny room he’d grown up in and into something other.

I mentioned my sister after that. Em had heard her shouting at the tele one evening whilst she’d played some game that always seemed to bring out her most profane language and laughed, asking after the roaring gremlin in the background. I’d told him bits and pieces, added to the story in odd quips and mentions over the passing weeks, enough that most wouldn’t quite catch on to what I’d been avoiding, but Lottie had been around more often than not and the man had quickly worked out that she lived with me. He’d never outright asked me the reason as to why, though I liked to think that he was simply waiting for me to tell him, because this thing that we had, it was all about building trust. And Marshall? He was almost as unforgiving with who he gave that out to as I was. 

Soon enough our calls and Facetimes had become a featured part of my day, one I actually looked forward to. But even saying that, I was still shit scared of meeting him properly.

As much as it might humour him for me to admit it, I was a big fan of his. Had been since I’d first heard Guilty Conscience when it had hit the UK charts. I’d been swallowed whole by the rest of his LP, had even nicked a cd copy of it off a stall down at the market, alongside Aquemini, because I’d liked it so much. In truth, one of my earliest memories even featured the man. It was of my uncle bagging tickets to Em’s first real show down in Notting Hill, his girlfriend at the time’s brother having managed to somehow score a couple on a whim. It had been all they’d talked about for weeks on end.

I’d been around long enough now though– having dived headfirst into the industry before dipping a toe in first– that I knew just how meeting your icons wasn’t all it was chalked up to be. Still, this felt different to us just bumping into one another at some show or a party. And, who was I kidding– it was entirely different. Impossibly so. I’d said it to him then and I’d reiterate it again, he had been the last person I had ever expected to call.

“Passengers boarding the 09:53 flight to Detroit, Michigan please head to Gate B7.”

I sucked in a deep breath at the overhead announcement, figuring that it really was now or never. Two weeks in a big old house working on music with Eminem, I supposed stranger things had to have happened. So instead of lingering on the inane concept, I popped an anti-sickness tablet and dragged my carry-on over towards the gate. 

…

Truth be told, I much would have preferred not having slept on that flight. God, I was still embarrassed, but even so I couldn’t help the muted giggle that bypassed my lips whilst I waited for my luggage to drift on by. 

I was just thankful that I’d had the foresight to wear a hat and sunnies the entire time. Mostly out of habit, yes, but also so that I could keep this whole Detroit trip hush hush, because Marshall really had gone above and beyond to bring me out here and so I didn’t want to reward him with a swarm of unwanted questions. Not that anyone would even add up the notion of me being here and allude that it was down to him. That was probably the most unlikely headline somebody could conjure up.

But back to the whole Flight from Hell. Well, I had the tendency to sometimes be dramatic so not Hell per se, it had just been humiliating. Being shaken awake only to realise you'd been drooling the entire time and the rest of the passengers had already disembarked was more than a tad bit mortifying, especially when the air steward’s eyes had widened a fraction when I’d tried to sort myself out and wake up. 

I wasn’t entirely sure if he’d recognised me, or if it had just been down to the fact that Marshall had put me in First Class— a matter which I had complained about, justifiably— and that I had one of those faces he couldn’t put a name to. But either way, I hoped he wouldn’t expand too much on it.

I caught sight of my suitcase just as it pushed its way through the heavy black flaps on the end of the conveyor belt and so I slid past a man in a bright green Packers jersey to grab at it. And even I had to wince at the sight of the offending article. In all places, really? I wanted to ask. Wrong fucking move there, mate. 

By the time I finally did make it out of the crowd that had amassed, it had been near enough an hour since I’d landed and so I had a few messages waiting patiently for me.

Messages  The Martian Blacked out GMC parked out front Tap twice on the back window

Then…

Flight ok?

My mouth quirked upwards on its own accord at the quick relay but I was quick to shoot something back.

Messages  Might have passed tf out Woke up and it was just me and the steward there:))) Also tap twice?? Do I look like James Bond to you?

Although I had to Google what the fuck a GMC looked like, I did eventually work my way out of the terminal to spot the sleek SUV sat a way down in the drop off zone. ‘Course he’d have his driver park there, I thought pointlessly to myself as I manoeuvred past a handful of tired faces with a polite smile. Though to him it was probably easier to deal with whatever fine he got plastered with than it would be for me to attempt to find the thing in pickup parking. Not that it would be all that hard, it was huge.

Anyway, by the time I managed to hone in closer on the vehicle I felt my nose scrunch up in slight embarrassment at the thought of having to knock twice, as though I really was some sort of spy or, more than likely, a dodgy dealer. But just as I approached, prepped to knock and give the driver my name, I heard the far side door open and a pair of shoes hit the rough tarmac. 

Jumping back a tad, my head swivelled left to better view the figure who was then rounding the car. My eyes widened at the sight I was met with.

His smirk at my evident shock was ascued by a heavy hood and the brim of a dark cap, but it was there. Stayed there actually, all whilst he easily manoeuvred my luggage from out of my hands and into the boot of his car, whilst I simply stood there stock-still. Eventually, he came to stand before me about an arms length away. I blinked and my gaze skittered over the rest of our surroundings before they finally returned to his tilted head and piercing eyes. His back was turned towards the airport, away from the trio which had since grouped around their suitcases to wait and a handful of people that exited the terminal one or two at a time.

“What, I don’t get no hug?”

The mirthful lilt of his deep voice surprised me and my mouth worked over a plethora of words that couldn’t quite take stage before I was laughing softly into the shoulder of his jacket, his arms coming up to wrap around me. 

It felt oddly surreal to finally meet him, even if I had been so caught off guard by his sudden presence.

In fact, I jolted back at the very thought and thumped his arm, my eyes narrowed even whilst my smile never appeared to falter. “Why are you here?”

His tongue darted out to wet his lower lip, arm moving to cradle the offended limb in sly mocking, before he huffed out a low laugh. “No, hello? No, wow, Marshall, I can’t believe you’re really here!”

My mouth gaped at the teasing tone he took on, much like something I’d heard on one of his songs, and then I was laughing too, shaking my head at his antics. “That’s how we’re playing this?” I quirked a brow, but eventually mimicked, “Wow, Marshall. Gee golly, I just can’t believe that you’re really here!”

Marshall dipped his chin in supposed approval, gentle eyes roaming over my face in a way similar to what I must have done when he’d first arrived. I wondered briefly what he saw but hastily brushed the thought aside. “The American accent still sucks, by the way.” He acknowledged just as he stepped forward to open the passenger side door, surprising me yet again as he slipped by me, “So if you’re goin’ into acting, take note.”

My glare was mocking at best, lacking any real heat as he waited for me to climb inside, it was only once I’d glanced back at him with a thankful smile that he moved to shut the door. I took in a sharp lungful of air at the quiet that then engulfed the car and watched him move around the front of the hood. He was achingly familiar and yet not at the same time. And it was such a strange thought to latch onto that I took the initiative to just take things as they came over the next few weeks, which turned out to work in my favour when he joined me in the car and the engine revved.

“I can’t believe you’re actually here.” I found myself saying as he slowly peeled his way out of the drop off bay. “Thought you said you’d have someone come get me.”

Em simply shook his head whilst I observed how his hands slid around the wheel with an effortless ease. “I said there’d be a car.”

My eyes widened to accentuate my point. “Exactly! There’d be a car! So I just figured a cab or something.”

His eyes flickered over towards me just as we came to a stop at the busy intersection outside the airport, then pulled away to look left and right again. “Well, you should stop figuring then.”

I couldn’t stop the eye roll I gifted him, even as I laughed heartily to myself and took in the comfort of privacy the car offered, as opposed to the flight I’d just been stuck on. It was then, whilst we merged onto the highway and followed into the flow of traffic, that I got the chance to really look at him. 

I was still attempting to get over my evident shock, having expected to meet him much later on, once I’d been dropped off at the house or maybe even a while after that. But it was nice to know that he’d driven all the way here to merely pick me up when he could have just as easily sent someone to do it for him. 

Marshall looked about the same as he had when we’d first phoned in truth, only it was easier now to see all of the minute details he offered the world, those tiny imperfections. 

The slight dip in his chin was much more prominent now what with the way his lips had since pursed in concentration. The skin there was smooth, as though not much time had passed since it had last been seen to by a razor, and it wrinkled only around his eyes when they narrowed into focus. His nose was pointed, whilst simultaneously being both strong and soft. He had eyelashes that I could only envy, dark and long, and freckles light enough to dot both sides of his face.

He must have felt my gaze on him though because he soon chanced a glance back at me with a single raised brow. My eyes slid away from his profile and instead I opted to gesture my chin out towards the tinted windows that encased us. “These legal?” I had wondered, but mostly asked just to steer his mind away from me having been caught staring.

With a short snort, his brow dropped and the beginnings of a smile twitched at the corners of his mouth. “What d’you think?”

I chuckled in retort, having expected that, and then looked away again, out towards the grassy verge that separated the long stretch of road from small grey buildings that littered both sides in the distance. It was my first time in Detroit and I wanted to make the most of it, remember every part.

It was quiet for a while after that, Em having switched on the radio at some point after asking after my flight, the two of us more than content to just let the silence linger around the hum of something so familiar, music.

He pointed things out to me here and there on the journey, nothing of real importance but dropping comments that would either make me hum or laugh loudly. He was a funny fucker even when he didn’t seem to be trying, I figured that was what I liked best about him. 

We drove through Downtown Detroit at one point and I listened intently when he spoke about Ford Field, the home of his favoured Lions, and again when we stopped at a traffic light and he gestured over towards where the Fox Theatre sat. Even during the daylight it drew the eye.

Once we’d rolled away from the inner city and its skyscrapers though I felt myself relax further, pleased by the vast amount of green that I started to see. Most of the time I’d spent in The States often left me confined to the major cities, to their bustling crowds and hectic commutes, mostly because I didn’t have much of a choice in the matter, what with venues and tours, interviews and recording sessions. So this would probably be the first time I’d get to see a slice of the country’s suburbs and it wasn’t all too different from what you’d typically see back home. Not exact sure, but similar in a lot of circumstances. 

It took me a while to realise that Em had been nodding his head along to the radio, following the beat in an exact tempo. The sight had me hiding my grin behind my sleeve but the move captured his attention and he must have seen the growing joy my glazed eyes gave away to when he peered over at me because his forehead furrowed. “What?”

Instantly I shook my head, “Nothing.”

His eyes darted out towards the road, shifting gears before the back of his hand shot out to tap the side of my knee. “What?” He prodded again and I was startled by the easy nature of his touch, remembering then that it was possible now that we weren’t stuck between screens.

I snorted softly, dropping my arm seeing as he’d already caught on to the grin. “Just strange, is all. Being here.”

I watched closely as he gave a slow blink and waited, propping my arm up against the window whilst slumping a little in my seat.

“Good weird, or bad?”

The answer had to have been obvious and yet, I still answered him, “The good kind.”

“Good.” He hummed and my grin softened at his own small smile. It remained there for most of the drive. 

I didn’t know what I had expected to see once we finally did pull up to the house, but it didn’t fail to live up to its owner's accomplishments. It was beautiful, big yes, but beautiful too. Terracotta in colour and with a long gravel driveway. He had trees and flowers around the fenced gate to further keep out any prying eyes, but they were vivid and lush. Pretty to admire. 

Marshall turned towards me once we’d slowed to a stop and I smiled, unbuckling my seatbelt before he huffed a chuckle, turning off the engine and moving to do the same. The door shut behind me once I’d jumped out and I let myself breathe in the change of air. Having been cooped up in the Big Apple for the last few days it was refreshing to be able to actually enjoy it and not just think about all of the heavy city fumes. 

I was quick to snap out of it though when I heard the slight beep that sounded from the back of the car when the boot reopened. “Hey, I can get that.”

Marshall's eyes cut over towards my approaching figure. “So can I.” He tugged the heavy suitcase out with one hand, “See?”

“Mature, Mathers.” I retorted, leaning past him to at least grab my carry on, but he was there too, our hands clutched the handle at the same time, his encasing mine. “I can get it.” I repeated, turning slightly in my stance to lift my brows up at him. 

He was close, thigh pressing into the ledge of the boot whilst his other hand still held onto the door stationed above our heads. “You’re my guest.”

His tone was gruff, low enough for only me to have heard, even though there wasn’t anyone else mulling about. My eyes shifted, flickering back and forth between his own. “Then let your guest get their way.” 

He blew out an amused breath, the weight of it fanned my face and had a few loose strands of hair fluttering. “You’re so fuckin’ stubborn.”

I shifted and his knee knocked against mine. “Here’s the pot calling the kettle black.” I quipped with a growing smile.

There was the slightest shake of his head, his mouth twitched, and then he was leaning in closer. I held my breath. Waiting. For God knows what, when—

He snatched the bag out from under my hand.

“Marshall!” It was almost indignant the yell I made, shocked by the sly move he’d played and the fact that he’d already jumped back to make his way towards the front door before I could even properly react. I heard his bright laughter echo back to mock me.

“Too slow.” Marshall called in turn, shrugging as he shot a smug look over his shoulder. “Lock her up for me?”

The tap he then gave his right trouser pocket evidently had me frowning and so I looked down on impulse, only to spot a set of keys dangling from the belt loop on my jeans. Baffled, my head snapped upwards, just in time to see him laugh and wheel my suitcase inside.

I took a deep breath, then let it go.

“Such a prick.” I muttered to myself, though not unkindly, as I jumped up to grab the boot door and slam it shut, using the fob to then lock the monster truck up.

By the time I made it up the rest of the drive and through the front door I was a little less peeved about the whole thing, which was mostly down to me having been a little humoured by his methods of undermining.

“You treat all your supposed guests like this?” I blew out.

Marshall only greeted my entry with a snort. “Uhuh, that initiation we talked about? Starts here.”

Rolling my eyes, I stepped further into the entryway to observe, making the effort not to gape at the sheer size of it. Because in truth, he could’ve easily fit a half a dozen Harleys in the space between the door and the stairs.

“Where do we start the sacrifice then? Can’t imagine anyone would be all too happy about staining these pretty floors.” My toe skimmed a stark white tile as I said it, peering over at him through my lashes whilst I thought back to an earlier conversation we’d had and the fact that he’d actually remembered. 

“Basement, baby!” 

He used the term in ridicule, to accentuate the gaiety in the back and forth we’d just begun. His hands shot out wide in a gesticulative fashion and so I used the moment to grab at the handle of my suitcase he’d left by the door, thankful that the thing had wheels. I grinned at the small victory.

“You were saying?” I dragged out around a pleased smile.

Marshall shook his head at me, like he actually couldn’t believe I’d attempted to one up him— and managed it. Though he thankfully left it alone. Still, that was probably only due to the fact that he then said, “Want a tour?”

And who was I to deny?

“If you don’t want me getting lost, then yes please.”

He scoffed, but wore the ghost of a smile as he pushed further into the house, leading me this way and that until we finally wandered up another set of stairs onto the second floor.

“Bedrooms are there.” Marshall pointed out to me, hands stretched towards both the halls that lined either side of the staircase. “Mine’s just down here, Z’s too.” He explained further, gesturing towards the two doors on the far right side, Rosie’s bore a bright sign with her name and I was humoured to see that the usual silver handle had been switched out in favour of a neon pink.

He caught my slight smile at the sight of the door and nudged me with his shoulder.

“Quit it.”

I snorted softly, pursing my lips to dampen the grin I wore. “I didn’t say anything! But I do love it.” Honestly it was too cute seeing him all mushy like that, and the fact that he’d gone out of his way to make something like a door handle special for his daughter was endearing.

Marshall grunted out a hum, then took a deliberate step over toward a room a little closer, the door had been left slightly ajar. He pushed it open to reveal a room that could have resembled a hotel room had it not been for the much warmer sense of comfort it offered. I reckoned it was down to the little souvenirs and decorative pieces that had been jotted around the place, like the snowglobe of Big Ben and a little British flag, as well as the articles of clothing which had been laid out on the bed.

My attention caught on those first and I glanced back at Em, who was now leaning against the doorframe, to ask a silent question. The man shrugged the shoulder that wasn’t pressed to the wood and suddenly looked a tad bit sheepish, “Rosie’s idea. Wanted to give you something, like, so you’d feel welcome or some shit.”

I let my fingers brush over the pyjama’s the little girl must have picked out. They were soft and dotted with tiny woodland creatures, bunnies and berries. My heart ached at the lovely gesture, never really having had anyone do something like this for me, let alone someone so small and sweet who had gone out of their way to make me feel welcomed of all things.

“You lucked out with her.” I murmured  and was granted a doting smile when I peered back up at the girl’s father.

“She’s aight.” Marshall reasoned, pushing out a small breath as he took a step further into the bedroom. “Room okay then?”

Smiling, almost a little stupidly, I chuckled in disbelief and took another peer around the room. “It’s perfect, thank you again for this.”

He rolled his eyes at me and made a gah sound, “Say thanks again and I’ll take you to the nearest motel.”

My eyes widened just as my jaw dropped, “A motel, really? Wow, and here I thought we were truly bonding.”

“You know what they say, don’t assume.”

Narrowing my stare into something a bit more intense I waited for him to crack, but he must have been half-alien or something because the man held his own much longer than I did. “You’re such a dick.” I eventually chuckled, shaking my head.

“Get used to it,” He retorted and stepped away to wheel my suitcase further into the room, placing my bag down on the end of the plush bedspread. “You tired? Figured we could grab something to eat once Z’s home if you’re down.” 

It was something I was used to, the whole jumping back and forth between serious and teasing, but I still found it sweet how he would tend to ask after me, simply to make sure that everything was still good.

I hummed in reply and took one last look at the pyjamas I'd been gifted. “I’m good, slept on the flight–”

“And drooled all over them First Class seats.” He butted in, earning himself a short glare which only proved to make him grin. 

I should have known to have kept that shit to myself, fucker would probably lord it over my head forever.

“Uhuh, hilarious.” I deadpanned before continuing on like he hadn’t interrupted, “What’re you thinking of getting?”

The question went unanswered because it was then that the front door sounded, creaking open on its heavy hinges before it rattled closed. I jumped at the unexpected noise whilst Em simply glanced back over his shoulder, “That’ll be her.” He commented, confusing me for a second when he raised his hand and started a countdown on his fingers, “3, 2, 1–”

“Dad!”

I snorted at the precise timing, Marshall already moving towards the door at the call of his name and so I went to follow. It was just as we made it back out onto the hallway’s landing that he paused, “I can keep her occupied for a while if you wanna settle in, take a nap or something.”

It was an offer and a half from any parent to attempt to keep their kid at bay, I mean I’d done it a fair few times with an excitable Lottie over the years, but I waved it off, smiling when the girl’s voice called out again. “Dad?”

Marshall leaned in closer, hand clutching the bannister, and lowered his voice whilst his face got all serious, “Get out whilst you still can.”

Huffing out a mirthful breath, I couldn’t quite hide my smile. “I’m good, I'm actually excited to meet her.”

He paused and observed me for a moment, as though he was trying to see the truth behind that sentiment, which made me unsure. But I hoped he did find the sincerity in my words because it hadn’t been a lie, I was nervous to meet his daughter sure, wanted her to like me and not feel as though I was suddenly imposing on her life, but I had genuinely enjoyed her witty remarks and scathing comments when we had spoken the night before. She reminded me of a little of a younger Lotts. 

Em eventually nodded at me, cheek dimpling ever so in a possible attempt to dampen his reaction, but before I could question it, the man was jogging down the stairs. “Up here, you monster. And what I tell you ‘bout yellin’?”

A familiar face poked its way out of the hall at the bottom of the staircase and the smile that dawned on it was beaming when she spotted her dad. “How are you gonna hear me if I don’t yell?” She replied, squealing when the man swept her up off feet and into a hug, peppering a line of kisses into her hair, “Dad!”

Marshall snorted at the reaction he’d garnered but eventually lowered the girl back down onto her feet, whilst I just stood at the bottom of the stairs watching them with a fond smile. “What?” He said in a put upon voice and ran a hand over the girl’s head, bulging his eyes out wide when Rosie pulled a face. “How was school, kiddo?”

Rosie pushed up onto the balls of her feet before she rocked back, “Good, I ran out to the car quick to get home ‘fore she gets here.”

The smirk the man took on was almost evil and he laughed when he cocked his head out to gesture behind the girl. “Just about managed it.”

A curtain of honey coloured hair swept over her shoulders when the girl twirled around on her heel, eyes widening in sudden surprise to find me standing there. “El!” She called out, a grin breaking across her features before she hurried over to engulf me in a hug too.

Even as surprised as I was by the gesture, I chuckled and lowered myself down to squeeze her back, smiling at Em from over the top of her head. “Hey,” I murmured gently, staying crouched even as we pulled apart, “Thanks for the pjs, they’re probably the best gift I’ve gotten in ages.”

That statement appeared to thrill the girl, who’s eyes twinkled under the soft lights, “I got a matching pair, guessed we could wear them tonight and watch a movie so you’d feel more at home.”

My heart burst at the thought, I was sure of it.

But then Marshall went to speak and I already knew what he’d been prepared to say, so instead of letting him ruin Rosie’s sweet plans, I was quick to jump in, “I’d love that.”

The smile she gave me was award worthy and she turned back to face her dad with that settled. “See, if you had gotten the same ones like I said, you could’ve joined!”

I snorted at the expression that then crossed Em’s face, his head jolting back a tad. 

“You really didn’t get some to match?” I egged the girl on, mouth dropping open in a feigned amount of shock.

We were both met with a disbelieving shake of his head as the man blew out a heavy breath and turned away. “I’ll watch what I want and wear what I want, it’s my house.” He threw back at us as he headed further into the house, murmuring under his breath, “Women.”

Rosie and I shared a conspiratorial grin before we made to follow after him. 

“It’s rude to just dump your friend, Dad.” Rosie commented once we’d wandered into the kitchen to find Em grabbing a couple of bottles out of the fridge, the girl slid onto a stool at the end of the island whilst I bit my cheek to keep from outright laughing.

Her words were met by an unimpressed stare that didn’t appear to phase her as she continued to swing her legs back and forth. The man let the fridge door slip close as he made his way over to join his daughter, handing her a bottle before sliding the other across the counter to me. “You got homework?”

Rosie’s eyes flickered from her dad to me, then back again, “Maybe, but it’s Math.”

“Well, we ain’t goin’ nowhere til it’s done.” Marshall told her with a small shrug, even though I’d seen his eyes widen at the thought of having to deal with numbers and sums. “Get changed and we can start on it, okay?”

The girl emitted a soft sigh but ultimately moved to jump down from off the stool, “You any good at Math, El?”

Biting down on my smirk, I ignored Em’s murmured warning of the girl’s name and answered, “Not bad, I might be a little help.”

“Anything’s better than my Dad’s attempts.”

“Yo, I try.” Marshall was all too quick to quip back in retort, his arms now crossed over his chest as he stared his daughter down with a slight frown.

Rosie’s smile was precious, but her eyes told another story. I knew then that she understood exactly how to keep her dad wrapped around her finger. She was a little menace and I already loved it. “I know, Daddy, my teacher said that my English homework was the best she’d read in a while.”

Em actually seemed to take pride in that and so I guessed he’d had a hand in that homework too. His daughter also appeared to take note of the fact that he was pleased because she hurried off then, calling out over her shoulder once more, “Be back in a sec!”

“Yellin’!” Marshall yelled, defeating the whole purpose of his previous argument, before he sighed and gestured me over towards the seat Rosie had just vacated. “See what I have to put up with?”

Scoffing, I moved to take up the stool whilst he picked up a few stray notes lying on the counter and placed a glass that had been left behind at some point into the sink. “You ain’t seen nothing yet. Wait til she’s thirteen and debating the point of riding a dirtbike to and from school with you.”

Em barked out a real laugh at that as he turned his back on the sink to shoot me a look that said ‘Really?’

I heaved a put upon sigh, fingers toying with the water bottle I’d been gifted. 

“That’s not even the worst of it.” I told him as my mouth worked over a smile, “Before I left she asked if she and a few friends could stay at the house alone whilst I was away, because, and I repeat, ‘If there’s six of us then that basically equates to one whole adult’. I’m still genuinely scared that she went through with it even after I said no, keep checking the security cameras to make sure there isn't a herd of teenagers working their way inside.”

He wore an amused smirk but I noticed there were more than a few questions hiding behind his stare. They’d been there for a while now.

“You can ask.” I eventually said, appreciating the atmosphere his home offered, from the warm walls and the pictures that decorated the place, to the odd bits of mess that made the too large house look lived in.

Em worked his tongue into the curve of his cheek and watched me for a moment, before he eventually settled his forearms against the counter and leaned into it. “Kinda figured you took care of her, even before you mentioned that she was your sister.”

My gaze flickered down to the water droplets that clung to my fingertips, the bottle sweating from the change in temperature. “Yeah. I mean, I’m a lot older than her, so we sort of lived through different shit but I went through a lot as a kid, with like my mum and all the issues she had. When I found out that she was pregnant again it was through this woman who used to work with her at the local greengrocers when I was little. I just remembered thinking that I didn’t want that baby going through the same thing I did.”

My mind flashed back to the memory. Thinking of Annie’s wrinkled face and the relentless rain that had only just begun to let up. She had congratulated me.

“I was sixteen, had long since packed my shit up and left, but I’d never had the money to get too far. So I’d still spot her out and about.” I licked at the corner of my mouth, unwilling to meet his eye. “I went to see her after I’d heard, mostly out of anger. Her new boyfriend had moved in and I remember just being thankful for the fact that my brother had a friend that didn’t mind putting him up. She said she wasn’t using, just fags and the like, a cider here and there. Was surprised to see me, though she expected a big song and dance about the new baby.”

I picked at the water bottle’s label.

“When Lotts was actually born, her dad was locked up proper– facing sixteen years for armed robbery. Mum had her in a ward two months early and ended up leaving her there to go visit him. She was a preemie, tiny, too tiny, you know?” I murmured and could still picture her that small. “Mum she came back that same night mostly for a bed to sleep in, but had already found herself a fix. The nurses must have noticed that something was up, they’d asked to run blood tests and shit, but mum wouldn't have it. Would come and go during visiting hours whilst Lotts was in the NICU. I stayed, only leaving when I had a shift to work, and even then I’d come running straight back.”

Marshall just stood there listening and in truth I was thankful that he hadn’t thought to interrupt me to offer words of comfort or probe deeper. Although his eyes were serious when I finally managed to look over at him, listening intently.

I rubbed my lips together before getting on with it, “I moved back in with her when Lottie was finally able to come home. Ended up taking care of the kid when I was still just a kid myself, only so that she didn’t get tossed into care or fucking overdose on whatever shit mum and whoever else left lying around. It was just the two of us for a while, before my brother, Danny, came back. He’d gotten caught up in something with these older lads on the estate and was still at school, so I worked nights down at this pub under the table to keep up with rent and he’d watch over her for a few hours. It was there that I started performing just for extra cash, like on mic nights and stuff.”

Em squinted and for the first time he opened his mouth to contribute something, “That’s where you got found, right?”

I was sure I hadn’t mentioned that in any of our conversations and so I could only guess that he’d done a little bit of digging on me, the thought made me want to laugh but instead I simply smiled. “Yeah, some scout just happened to be passing through.”

He hummed, taking that in.

“But by the time anything really came about, my brother had long since gone off to join the army and Lottie was seven.” I mentioned, eyes jumping back and forth between him and the bottle I still clung to, “I’d always taken care of her, but then I was suddenly needed elsewhere to make these dreams come true, to make money, to give her a better future.” 

I knew that he could relate to that, to the utter struggle and fear I’d faced, terrified it would all fall through and I’d be left with nothing again.

“I didn’t really have a choice about leaving her though so she stayed with a neighbour at first, then her dad’s aunt who was nice enough to pop round sometimes, she was an older frail woman. I managed to actually land something eventually and started work on an album, but even after that the weight of anxiety had settled and I was working so hard just to keep all of these producers' attention.”

I swallowed thickly at the next flashback that had hastily followed. 

“Shit went down while I was over here in The States.” 

I felt sick each time I thought about it, hardly even dared even attempt to bring it up even to those few that knew. Lotts didn’t really remember any of it though, didn’t recall the hospital scare or my frantic need to make sure that she was okay for weeks after it had happened.

“I flew back that night and managed to sort of work things out. Threw a fucking toaster at my mum’s head I was so angry–” I snorted stupidly, “It missed. But after that I couldn’t trust her. She’d lost any sort of love I’d held for her. That was about five years ago now though, so she’s a bit different. Trying, she says. But Lotts stays with me until the very second I can’t help it.”

Blowing out a shaky breath, I willed my gaze to meet his and was taken back by the intensity of his stare.

“Sounds like a piece of work.” Marshall eventually commented and it honest to God made me laugh, allowing me to fill that hollow in my heart for a second and be grateful for the ease of it, because I really wasn’t too sure if I’d been about ready to cry at his kitchen table. “But I get it.” He added, “I think it’s great what you did for her, too. She probably won’t realise that til later but you should hear it.”

I glanced away, eyes suddenly stinging and tried to smile. “Yeah, well.” I tittered, wiping the corner of my eye discreetly, “She’s staying with her now and it’s got me on edge.”

Marshall moved around the kitchen island to place a careful hand on my shoulder, squeezing slightly before he ended up dragging me into a one armed hug. “You’re tough. Which means she’s gotta be too. I’m sure she’s just doing what kids do and messin’ around with her friends. Remember that’s all I did growing up, anything was better than bein’ in that house.”

A small snort escaped me as we parted, though he stayed near. “Because that’s so reassuring.”

He clucked his tongue and grinned, knocking shoulders with me, “I was a good kid, didn’t do nothin’ bad.”

“Uhuh,” I felt the need to drag out, “The image of an angel, Marshall Mathers.”

“Too fuckin’ right.”

“Dollar!”

It seemed we both jumped at the sudden reappearance of Rosie, who came sweeping into the room with a finger pointed at her father and an armful of school supplies. The skin between my brows pinched in confusion before the man beside me answered her, giving me the explanation I needed.

“For what?”

“You swore.” The girl shot back at him and climbed onto the stool beside me to settle her notebook down as well as a few pages of paper and pens. 

Marshall ended huffing, unable to deny that he had and moved towards the cupboard by the large, sliding glass door. 

“Maybe don’t eavesdrop on conversations. Reckon you owe a dollar for that, girlie.” He’d since grabbed a plastic tub and I was honestly surprised by the sparse amount of notes that were hidden inside it. Em must have spotted my surprise though and equated it to what it meant because he spoke again, “It gets emptied every couple a’ weeks and that monster over there gets to choose what we spend it on.”

Rosie perked up at the mention. “Last time I got him to take me fishing.”

“Fishing?” I wondered, blinking at the revelation. I looked back at Marshall and laughed, “I’m sorry but I can’t imagine you in that scenario.”

“Ha ha.” The man said impassively, widening my grin whilst he tugged two dollars out from his back pocket and shovelled them into the jar before he returned it to its rightful place.

“He only caught one.” Rosie piped up, already having written the date in that backwards way the American’s preferred, “It was real cute.”

I raised a brow and shot it Em’s way. “Cute?”

Rosie’s smile was big and bright, “Yeah! He said we had to let it go though ‘cause it was so small.” 

Marshall rolled his eyes and then pointed between the pair of us. “You two keep this whole thing up imma go out to eat by myself. Bunch’a bullies, I swear.”

Rosie and I broke into a fit of giggles at that which only made the man’s expression flatten that much more, he waited for us to get over it before he looked between us and the notebook which had been laid out. “Enjoy Math, I’m gonna go grab a burger.”

“No!” I laughed brightly, spinning on my stool when he started to walk back around the island, “We want food too.”

“Yeah, we’ll start a riot, we're that hungry.” Rosie told him and I couldn’t muffle the rest of my giggles. Marshall merely rolled his eyes for the umpteenth time.

“Math, then we can talk food.” He declared, tickling his daughter’s side as he slid in beside her to get a better look at the worksheet she had. His eyes widened. “They got you using letters now too?”

Rosie’s laughter filled the kitchen and I got a first row ticket to watch her and her dad’s light ribbing as we started in on the first question. The sight of it made my heart swell in truth, it was just so easy to see how much love they held for one another.

[redactedshapes]

Time is weird within the Oldest House

Spoilers for Alan Wake 2 and slight speculation for Control 2

Alright so. According to Estevez, HQ went dark and while she gives no hint as for how long it's been like that, it's safe to assume it's been four years due to how consistent the each Remedy game has been about the years they take place on.

Besides that, nothing is ever hinted at what's going on with the FBC's headquarters.

We know now time loops and spirals inside the Dark Place and that changes done there can bleed into reality (Jesse being told by a psychiatrist Zane is a filmmaker and not a poet, as she remembered him).

From the AWE DLC we know Jesse briefly witnessed Alan meeting Zane ("The Meeting" from now on), which came full circle in AW2.

From this event it's not unreasonable to assume two things:

1. The Meeting happened back in 2019.

The AWE DLC takes place before the ending of Control's and Foundation's story. This can be seen in the reports Emily writes about the new hiss enemies introduced in each dlc.

For the one introduced in AWE her title is still Research Specialist.

For the one in Foundation, her title is Head of Research. (also she got her Doctorate, you go girl!)

If this is holds up, Alan's timeline in AW2 has been bouncing back and forth way back from 2023.

Or, if you want a headache, even farther back given his role in Tom the Poet which came out before Zane disappeared. This is the poster in the Suomi Hall in Watery.

There's no hint yet if this change/addition of Alan writing a novel that inspired the film has made it past Watery and Bright Falls into the real world or was cleared at the end of the game.

This would also mean Ahti has been on vacations for four years.

2. The Meeting happened in 2023.

At the end of AWE dlc Langston says they're receiving an AWE alert from Cauldron Lake that is set a few years into the future. But is it?

What if it's actually the present, my dear beautiful Langston?

This would be consistent with the lack of any visual indication of the passage of time during the main story. There's none. And then, the Foundation DLC ends, and we see Dylan has grown hair and a beard.

Cute. But you know, Remedy has weaponized easter eggs. So no, I don't think Mr. comatose baldy growing a beard is a cute little detail they spent resources on.

We know by the time The Meeting takes place, Alan has not gotten out of the Dark Place yet, hence the alarm has not been activated (it goes off in the FBC monitoring station as soon as Alan/Scratch is transported back to the shore where Saga meets him for the first time).

If this holds up, then the timeline is more or less like this:

Ahti lets Jesse into the Oldest House in October 29th, 2019.

While Jesse is dealing with the Hiss, Alan unlocks Investigation Sector in the elevator.

Alan Meets Zane .

Jesse gets a glimpse of The Meeting.

Ahti gives Jesse his cassette players, goes on vacation.

Alan/Scratch gets out of the Dark Place (September 13th, 2023).

The AWE alarm sounds - and the signal made it into the Oldest House (September 13th, 2023).

Jesse takes down the Projector and deals with the Nail.

Dylan has grown hair.

Between point 4 and 5 more time could've passed, otherwise those are some short vacations for Ahti, it sounds like he's been in Watery for a while.

Therefore, during Control's main story, time was halted or passed very, very slowly when compared to the world outside.

How come?

With Remedy integrating their own alternate version of Quantum Break they might as well start using some of its harder science fiction approach. Alan has already mentioned the Dark Place as Dark Matter in one of his rambling videos. And well, this seems to have been the plan all along. From the chalkboard in Quantum Break:

There's been no text about black holes or matter density affecting space-time in any game as far as I remember. However, the imagery has been there with the Dark Presence vortex and certain images looking like event horizons.

So this is pure speculation:

The Oldest House is massive, it shifts, it expands and contracts. Could it be dense enough to affect space-time? could it do this on command?

It could be so dense that to those within its walls it'd seem like little to no time has passed, while outside at least four years have gone by.

The entire story is written in present tense in the missions menu, even after a mission has been completed (and the way the collectibles/mission menu was integrated as a world-building element with the Mind Place in Alan Wake 2, I don't think this was meant to be a cute weird little detail even back then).

Something happened during or after the events in the Foundation dlc, something shifted and now time is passing more or less normally. Or at least it is showing its effects on people.

Alice was seemingly cleansed from the effects the Dark Place had over her memory as soon she was brought inside the Oldest House. It's not unreasonable to assume this effect expands to protecting those within (those that are not too far gone, like Hartman). So the Oldest House would deal with time in its own terms, while the Dark Presence could make retroactive changes to certain details in the reality outside of it, like Zane going from poet to filmmaker.

Dylan's hair growth would indicate a month or two have passed at the very least by the end of Foundation. And from the one Control 2 concept art that has been shown so far, there are orange leaves in the pavement.

So Remedy could be planning to lift he lock-down during autumn. Autumn of what year? Heh, that's gonna be a fun one to find out.

-

As a counterpoint one could point at the game cinematic shots of the Oldest House from outside, they're always set at night across the story. It's just a detail that could've easily be a result of resource constraints. Yeah, not that it implies the story could've happened within one night.

Like with the clocks! You can point out at time being weird inside the Oldest House because none of the clocks are working! Time is literally frozen teehee, static textures on 3D assets, except for uh

Darling's Office in Central Research? Is that-

IS IT

IT'S WORKING

WHY DID YOU DO THIS REMEDY?

STOP-

(WE GET IT REMEDY, YOU'VE BEEN PLANNING IT ALL ALONG AND WHEN EVERYTHING IS LAID OUT IN CANON WE'LL FEEL SILLY BECAUSE THE HINTS WHERE THERE, IN OUR FACES, ALL THIS TIME)

-

Or you know, Control 2 will deal with the main cast enduring years of lock-down and the concept art is actually the end or middle of the game, and everyone exits the building on the year Control 2 releases.

Kind of lame in my opinion, but would make sense I guess.

-

Of course, there's another possibility I don't feel like following through:

The Dark Presence succeeded in changing the entire world and only The Oldest House and those inside remained intact. I mean, Dylan's easter egg in Foundation has some images

(that better not be a frozen ocean NO)

(NO, do not tell me this is the Huotari Well omg)

Hiss/Dark Presence became besties

And maybe, count Dylan's cut Hotline call. But that's cut content so strictly speaking, not canon (imagine it gets restored between Alan Wake 2 dlcs and the next Control game haha).

-

There are some things that should be brought full circle about the AWE dlc.

Alan is already aware of the FBC thanks to Estevez and Alice.

The sound fx aspect of the Hiss chant is basically lifted from the Cult of the Tree chanting (or you know, if you want another headache, it could be the other way around). And there are hints of verses from the Hiss incantation said out loud here and there. So pre-existing elements to give shape to a dadaist poem attributed to a hostile extra-dimensional resonance complete!

Has he yet come across the information from the FBC, that Hartman became a Taken?

He also kind of knows about the general plot of Control given he wrote a screenplay for an episode of Night Springs that was never produced.

It became clearer that Alan doesn't write whole new things or realities from scratch (shut up), that he writes from "visions" and vivid "nightmares" he's had. If that screenplay is a vision of the future of the events within the Oldest House, then that could be it.

However we haven't seen him become aware or gain knowledge of Polaris or Jesse herself beyond her extremely brief appearance during The Meeting.

This information has yet to make it outside the Oldest House (as far as we know) and only Dylan and Emily know about Polaris so far. Ahti too, maybe?

Sure, Alan could've somehow glimpsed something through the Oceanview Motel, he's got a door there anyways and he's gone through the Dark Place version of it (the Hotel), but this has not been made explicit like The Meeting.

Maybe The Lake House dlc will clear up that connection.

I mean yeah, that'd be fitting.

Don't forget one of the cut pieces from Control was The Oldest House opening a passage to Ahti's cabin in Finland, so The Oldest House being able to making an opening to Cauldon Lake is in Remedy's toolbox.

(I also think it'd be fair to see more of Jesse since Alan got a whole new 3D model in Control's AWE)

-

I'm missing a lot of things here I'm sure, I put this together more or less from things off the top of my head. I haven't gone through Control in a while so there are probably a more and clearer hints regarding time shenanigans within the Oldest House.

Also, AW2 timeline needs to be put on a wall to make sense of it. It'd look like a spiral, because of course.

[millenianthemums]

i watched jacob geller’s video “Time Loop Nihilism” for the first time today. i love jacob geller but for some reason i skipped this video til now, and i’m so glad i finally found it, because weirdly it gave me some big inspiration for Bill Cipher characterization.

rambling under the cut

so, like, when a character’s trapped in a time loop for long enough, they stop seeing their actions as having any consequences, because they don’t have any lasting impact on the world. they start seeing the world they live in like a speedrunner sees the video game they’ve been running. they start seeing the people around them like neutral objects that make noises and do things but don’t really matter. they’re toys to play with. and you can break them as many times as you want, in as many ways as you want, and then they fix themselves and it’s like nothing happened.

but still, most time loop stories end with the loop breaking and the character just… moving on. returning to normal life. but how could someone ever do that, really? after all that time, all those things you did? even if no one else will ever know about it, YOU will. you will know that you are a person who did those things. that will never not be true again.

Bill wasn’t in a time loop, but he has been alive for one trillion years. one trillion years is a REALLY LONG TIME. like, our universe has existed for 13.8 billion years. a trillion is 1,000 billions. in a trillion years, Bill could have lived from the beginning of our universe to right now about 72 times. who knows how many universes he’s lived from the beginning to the end of? not even to start on the galaxies, the planets, the PEOPLE in his life. i’m genuinely not doing the math on how many people Bill might have known in his life because i will get nauseous.

Bill is like Ama from the Through The Flash short story, but on a totally different level. how could you possibly internalize the idea that hurting people matters at ALL when you’ve lived through eternity a million times and watched everything you’ve ever done disappear into the abyss of time over and over? a trillion years. he likes killing people and he hates getting bored. how many new, creative ways of torturing and murdering people do you think somebody like Bill could dream up in a TRILLION YEARS?

and then this AU is like, welcome back to survival mode buddy! things matter again now! none of that crazy stuff you got used to doing is gonna fly anymore! also this is your last chance. fuck this up, and you’re dead forever. have fun!

i imagine for a while he’s just dead set on finding some kind of loophole. he can’t accept the idea of going back to caring about things again. he wants creative mode back and he’d gonna find the cheat code, dammit.

but then he makes friends with Mabel. and now suddenly, whether he wants it to or not, something in his life really, REALLY matters. he cares about this kid. this human kid who’s gonna live like 65 more years tops. and now he has, by his standards, an infinitesimally short time period to get his shit together and become somebody who can actually be a genuine friend to another person, despite all the terrible stuff he did, in the show and in the incomprehensible eternity that came before it. how is he gonna do that?? i don’t know. i’m still figuring it out. it’ll be fun!!!

but yeah, i was struck, hearing the summary of Ama’s conversation with her neighbor. it just fit, in my mind, with everything i’ve been thinking about. no matter how much he changes, Bill will never again be somebody who didn’t do terrible things. whether or not the effects of those things exist outside him anymore, they weren’t free of consequence. he is still the person who killed and tortured and exterminated billions of sentient people, even when he’s laughing at Mabel’s silly jokes or being terrible at video games. all he can do is keep moving forward.

thanks so much if you read all of this. <3

[cringywhitedragon]

Just saw manly play indigo park and oh my goodness this is turning out to be mascot horror done right or at least some good handling

Mascot horror’s been kinda a meh genre since people starting riding off the coattails of FNAF (which in itself I find good but the series works better as more of a “Sit and Survive” style game instead of a open world/roaming kinda game like everything trying to follow Security Breach.)

Poppy Playtime is ok. It’s not perfect but the devs do shine with their animation skills (Even if I feel they kinda waste it most of the time with Minecraft animations and some other controversies) and it’s not really something with a whole lot of replay value (Very linear and at least in FNAF there’s some incentive to replay a majority of the games with stuff such as secrets/alternative endings and the custom night mode.)

We have stuff we do not talk about like Garbage of Banban and the fifty million other games trying to copy it.

Anyways back to Indigo park.

Yes it’s your standard affair of mascot horror but this game has a lot of charm to it from what I’ve seen. It’s clear that this project’s being made with love and has a few things I haven’t seen Mascot Horror games do a whole lot of.

Namely in the form of this game’s voice with an internet connection and companion, a goofy little guy named Rambly the Raccoon.

While having a character to act as a guide for the protagonist is a pretty common thing in these sorts of games, they either are a faceless voice over a phone/intercom, don’t show up until much later, or a simple pre-recorded infodump. Rambly is not that.

He’s met almost right off the bat not long after you start the game. While a bit glitchy, he shows right off the bat that he has is own personality to add a bit of comic relief to what is a horror game.

I kinda like to think of Rambly as a mix between Navirou (Monster Hunter Stories) and Wheatley (Portal) since he does act as both a companion character and voice for the (silent) protagonist but also interacts and comments on the environment that he’s a part of as well.

Also while a minor one, a feature for collectibles which also add a bit of lore (and humor with some of Rambly’s comments) to the game, not something we’ve seen too often in your free roaming mascot horror titles save for Security Breach (Yes there’s going to be a lot of comparisons between the two).

Finally, onto the enemies.

They actually work pretty well in the setting they’re supposed to be set in. As in, not overly gross and elongated abstract shapes that look super out of place or filled to the brim with mutations and razor sharp teeth but actually look like the characters one might find in the setting they would be in, abet still retaining that obvious “monsters out to get you look”. Kinda like the animatronics from FNAF that would be “in service” would fit appropriately in their specific location unlike something out of Garten of Banban which is supposed to be a daycare.

In all seriousness, who the fuck would be bringing their kids to a place filled with weird blobby creatures that look something out of a Pamtri video.

In other words, go check out and support the people working on Indigo Park!

[yuu-kumeii]

A/N : I swear this is just a Kiyoomi drabble, the set up just got a tiny bit too long

Ok so imagine the MSBY 4 having to make a 'day in the life of' type vlog for a promotion for an upcoming game, event, or collab. Where everyone can take turns holding the camera and vlog about their individual days and routines, so the whole video would be like a compilation vlog showcasing the team in their purest form.

Shoyo and Koutaro will absolutely just ramble on camera about every little thing that happened to them, often getting distracted when it's their turn with the camera. At times both are just going on about their mornings when either one of them holds the camera while the other 2 members just walk in silence behind them.

Being able to capture moments like Kou forgetting he's supposed to put the camera on the bench to get good enough shots of their practice, so the shots of their practice were from far away with a clear blur to it or when Shoyo accidentally dropped the handheld, picked it back up quickly and immediately apologized to the coach while offering to pay for it despite nothing being actually broken. All caught on camera, blurry figures and a lot of fast camera shakes.

Out of the 2, Kou is the one who most likely forgets the next thing he's going to talk about because he was focused on the current topic. He may be older but that doesn't mean he changed all that much, it's still ok though, the marketing department in charge of the editing said it makes him look all the more approachable.

Meanwhile, Shoyo is the 'golden boy' of this vlog. He's energetic, humble, kind, encouraging and he has just the type of face that screams 'We look forward to your support! I promise we won't let you down!'. He also does the same things Kou does, but he gets visibly flustered when he forgets. Everyone would find that cute, the marketing team just knew it.

He and Kou are on the same basis in terms of the 'pure and lovable one people just can't help but support' but they're on different wavelengths.

Kou appeals to the crowd that just craves this type of whimsy and fast paced energy, someone who forgets to think before he does most things but will be the most visibly sincere about apologizing that you can't help but forgive him.

While Shoyo appeals to a more mellowed out side, much like Kou but he's a bit more aware of his actions and surroundings. He does have his moments though and that paired with his pure hearted nature just makes it sweeter to watch.

On the other hand, you have Atsumu and Kiyoomi. Two very different players with very different appeals on camera, yet able to have some of the best back and forths throughout the vlog.

Atsumu, to no one's surprise, will try to capitalize every part of the screen. Whenever it's his turn to hold the camera, it's his turn. So much happens in such a short amount of time that it felt like he was on a multi-week reality show and not a one day vlog, he would go on and on about himself and his life story that it's hard not to feel like you've known the guy your whole life at that point.

Not to mention the amount of mishaps he tries to shake off is enough for his fans to make an entire compilation video. It's so much fun to see Atsumu trip, stagger that clearly shows he was caught off guard, then going back to vlogging on camera like nothing happened while the others laugh behind him. Other notable things were Kiyoomi 'accidentally' serving a ball straight into the back of Tsumu's head while he was explaining his routine on camera and Atsumu also accidentally dropping the camera but instead of admitting it he just pretends nothing happened.

Too bad the editing crew decided to keep that little moment in the video.

One last tidbit that showed Atsumu being just as caring as the sunshine pair was his 'attempt' at subtly promoting Onigiri Miya throughout his parts, emphasis on attempt. Because he would say things like,

"I like ta' go to Onigiri Miya sometimes, cause' I gotta brag to Samu' about another win ya' know? The food 's also good,"

"Is this an ad for Onigiri Miya?"

"...No"

Yeah, no one believes him. But it's so cute, watching him deny every accusation that he wants to brag about his twin's accomplishments as much as his own. Samu definitely put in extra fatty tuna in Tsumu's onigiri for that, don't tell him that though.

And lastly Kiyoomi, your boyfriend and very captivating volleyball player of the MSBY Black Jackals.

Every time he's on-screen, it's just a whole different energy. Calm and collected with minimal words, a drastic difference from the many life stories you get from the others, Kiyoomi prefers to be as vague and general as possible. However, even if his talking is minimal, he still manages to have some of the funniest shots in the video. Courtesy of the other members helping to fill Kiyoomi's segments.

Though the one moment you can say will stick with you, and him, til the day you probably get married (hopefully, fingers crossed). So, each of the boys have a little clip that encapsulates each of their characters and dynamics with each other. Those moments include Shoyo and Koutaro having a little game of rock-paper-scissors in the corner of the gym, everyone trying to imitate Kiyoomi's bendy wrist, 3/4 of the MSBY 4 getting reprimanded by Meian while the rest just watch with smug looks.

All the best moments that show how close they are in a little montage. The moment you're referring to, is this clip of the Jackal's gym. Empty and quiet, the lights are still on and everything is in its place. There, in the corner on a bench, is Kiyoomi sitting by himself. Munching on some dried plums from this little white packet, just sitting there.

It's not something you can explain but seeing him there alone, not to mention the way it was shot that made him look teeny tiny, just about did it for you. The second that clip was shown, you were gone, sent to the sky never to return.

He just looked so small and alone, it's so sad but it's so funny to you. It gives you the uncontrollable urge to coo at him and kick your feet a little, the b roll of the shot just slowly panning towards his little big figure on that bench minding his own business.

He's so little, so cute, so by himself in that gym and he's so going to be your fiance because you want that clip played in your guys' engagement party as one of your reasons to marry him.

[nerdee-blondee]

*i ramble about solavelyan again*

i'm currently going through my 19388 playthrough of DAI and listening to THAT ONE YouTube video of all the party banter in the game (thanks DanaDuchy) and i made the realization that solas (and i suppose a lot of the dalish elves) have a real certain contempt for the human race (and understandably so but let me ramble):

towards dwarves, solas seems curious and regards them with a certain pity. he doesn't know much of anything when it comes to them so a lot of his banter with varric is him asking questions of dwarven history. and he is sorry that the dwarves seemingly "lost their way" and feels for them (much to varric's confusion LOL)

towards qunari, he seems to have more vitriol towards the actual qun than to the people. his conversations with bull show that he despises the idea of the religion. "freedom is preferable to mindless obedience to the qun". also, if bull becomes tal-vashoth, solas talks with him warmly and comforts him in a time of great change in his life.

now with humans? it seems that anytime solas has the opportunity to disparage at humanity, he'll take it (what an ass LOL). my favorite bit of any party banter is when varric and solas are making wise cracks about "cleaning up another human mess". solas responds "what would the inquisition do without our stabilizing influence" and varric jokes "i'd assume they'd just start burning things" and he replies, "that does sound like most humans i know".

NOW people might take this as "OH SOLAS IS A RACIST ASSHOLE BLAH BLAH BLAH" but I personally don't see it as malicious per say, just highly critical of humanity. also, he's NEVER rude or mean to a human inquisitor (and I also like to differentiate between real life and fiction and not treat stories with my same morality in a real world setting because it's fiction)

THIS particular point is why i really like to ship solavelyan! solas falling in love with a human, a race he perceived as "brutish" and "short sighted", a human inquisitor can make him realize how he is the one being short sighted. a human inquisitor who is curious about all the knowledge he has, whether it from the fade or from elven history, would endear him to this human whose race has often left A LOT to be desired. and also, having such adoration for a human inquisitor would reflect his own ideas back on to him. he would need to unpack that perhaps not all of humanity are as terrible as the few who have been reprehensible in all of history.

*sigh* if i wrote fanfic i would be keeping the solavelyan tag alive and fed but alas i am not a writer, so i will keep my love for them to random ramble posts here on tumblr <3

[theragethatisdesire]

hello, me again 🙋‍♀️ not an anon but here to bother you on your fight 🥰

can you tell me what you think the boys would be like if they were jealous? any and all boys i just wanna hear ur thoughts

TIFF I DRAFTED THIS WHOLE THING OUT ON THE PLANE ON MY POS PHONE AND THEN IT NEVER POSTED. i literally JUST noticed and i am so frustrated, i'm sorry i literally didn't even realize!! but i never tire of talking about our boys so pls enjoy <3333

nsfw below the cut; jean, eren, and levi included

Eren

so eren to me is sort of a cocky little shit, but he's also a brat

if you're talking to a guy in the bar a little too much, eren's 100% charging right up to interrupt the conversation, throw his arm around your shoulders, figure out exactly what's going on here

but honestly? i think eren knows how much you love him and doesn't worry about you being attracted to others, he's just demanding when it comes to your attention

what makes him really jealous is when you start reading game of thrones alongside armin, and while eren's not unfamiliar with the premise of the books, he never could have imagined how intricate they are

intricate enough for you to be glued to your novel and your phone intermittently, surfacing from the pages with a squeal "oh my god i HAVE to text armin!" "armin's going to freak out!"

before he knows it, he's coming home to find you and armin, annotated novels spread on the coffee table, debating character arcs and laughing over funny moments

it confuses him at first. you love him, and he loves that you're friends with his friends, would never try to deny you a meaningful friendship, he knows that's all it is

eren's not a reader. too time consuming, too slow. but he wants to make your eyes light up like that, wants to hear you ramble on and on about your theories

he tries to get you into his story-based video games, but all he gets is a polite level of interest

when you finally confront him about acting like a fucking weirdo every time armin gets brought up, eren confesses, and it breaks your heart

"i mean, i know i'm not as smart as you or armin, but we could find something like that to do together, right? you just seem so into it..."

when you show him the tv show, eren's immediately hooked, and you stay up together for weeks on end binging it, eren watching you explain the differences between book and show with hearts in his eyes <333

Jean

jean is an egotistical maniac, you know it, he knows it

as your boyfriend, jean's never going to be one to throw a fit over the attention you get in the bar, in fact, he encourages it

it gets him off knowing that you're the girl everyone wants, that no one can take their eyes off of, and that you're going to go home with him and beg for him to fuck you

but if you're not his girlfriend? completely different story

when his roommate, eren, brings home his new girlfriend, jean is shocked

you're so...sweet. polite, beautiful, funny. what are you doing with eren? and not him?

jean has a case of the roommates-hot-girlfriend-itis, and he's got it bad

before he knows it, he's setting his alarm early, padding out into the kitchen where he knows you'll be making your coffee before work while eren snores in the other room

he's not shy about it either, openly flirting with you, teasing you about your messy hair, your tiny sleep shorts

he loves the way you blush when he says "you cold or something?", glancing meaningfully at your peaked nipples showing through your tank top

but you never falter, your eyes are only for eren. it drives jean insane.

he's going to the gym every day now, trying to work off this excess anger trying to get bigger and stronger so you can't help but notice him

he'd never admit it, but he listens in on you and eren late at night, imagining your breathy moans are for him

when he finds a pair of your panties in the dryer, he pockets them, treasures them

and when he finds you at a coffee shop in tears, a breakup text from eren on your phone? he has to hide his grin

jean may be a bad friend, but he'll make a great rebound

Levi

you're levi's, but he knows you're not supposed to be

he's still your captain, your immediate superior, and while that's exceedingly hot in the sheets, it's stifling outside the walls of your bedroom

he can't help but glance at you longingly across the cafeteria, watch your nose scrunch in that cute way it does when you laugh and when you cum

and when you brush a hand absentmindedly against miche's? bat your eyes up at hange, make them blush? levi knows you're doing it on purpose

he knows you well enough to know you can't help but antagonize him

he knows you belong to him, and you know you belong to him, but they can't know, and that's the problem. levi can't claim you in public, so he has to overcompensate when you finally sneak into his quarters at the end of the day, twiddling your fingers in anticipation

"can't believe you," he huffs, bending you over his desk, "thought i trained you better than that"

he did, you both know it, but you're a greedy, insatiable little thing, and you're good at riling levi up to get what you want

"don't know what you're-- ah! what you're talking about" you lie, gasping when he lands a sharp smack to your clit

"of course you do, you fucking brat," levi's not feeling as playful as you were earlier today, the hot lick of envy at the top of his throat "making those fuck me eyes at erwin earlier? you wanted me to see you, didn't you? whoring yourself out like you're not going to be begging me to let you cum later?"

your response is muffled by your panties in your mouth

"no excuses. beg all you want, but the only way this cunt-- my cunt-- is cumming tonight is if you admit it. admit you're mine, admit you can't get off with anyone else. you're mine."

and oh, do you cave. you're babbling apologies into the fabric in no time, tears streaming down your face

and once you're both shaking and spent, levi pulls you into his arms, cuddles you against his chest

he can't claim you in public, not as things stand with you on his squad, but for now, having you curled against him will have to be enough

THIS WAS SUCH A BLAST thanks for submitting tiff all my love <3

[babbletaels]

I don't know exactly how to put this into words without rambling too much. I saw some people say something along the lines of "totk and botw have bad stories but so what, all zelda stories are bad because zelda games focus on gameplay". Now, of course I saw a lot of people and youtube videos proving this post wrong by pointing out the amazing stories in oot, majoras mask, twilight princess, and more.

But something they fail to ever mention is.. breath of the wilds story is not bad!!!! It's just not!

Breath of the wilds story IS:

Short

Simple

Told in a very new format

Not experienced totally by the protagonist

But that doesn't make it a bad story! But all these qualities DO make tears of the kingdoms story bad, and that's because the way of telling the story of breath of the wild was curated perfectly in order to tell that story, not tears of the kingdoms story. It's very clear to me that with this brand new open world format they thought very hard about how to make the game "as free as possible" and still make it interesting to play through, and they did this by putting you totally in Links shoes: You and Link both wake up with no memories of where you are or why, with the vague idea that your name is Link and that you're supposed to like save a princess or something. You and Link both set out to explore this world in the way that you want to do it. That's how they made you relate to the protagonist, not by giving him a gripping story but making him and you have the exact same experience going through this world. Instead of throwing you into a world where the protagonist knows everything but you don't, and making the protagonist learn things that he probably already knew, they made him and you be in the same boat. I don't know about you but I loved exploring this world and wondering what different places could've been a hundred years ago, so that's what my Link was doing. All of the "bad" game decisions made in this game were made so that you could feel as free as possible. Yes, the divine beasts were all the same kinda which is boring, but they did that because they wanted to emphasize the freedom in this game, they wanted it to be a totally new kind of zelda game. Yeah it was a bad decision, I agree, but like that's their idea on how to make the game as open as possible, okay? I personally don't care how many "walking through the door" cutscenes a game has, but that's me and whatever they wanted it to have as little as possible, that was their vision for this game.

The actual story of breath of the wild is not bad, but it IS short and simple, and it takes place 100 years before we come into the picture so it feels a bit detached, however I personally found it very gripping figuring out what happened all those years ago and very tragic knowing that there's nothing I can do to save those people who I failed. I don't want to ramble on about the zora storyline but that story is especially gripping as suddenly everyone in that domain knows who we are and blames us for the death of their princess or were jealous of your relationship with her and just finding out how much she loved you and realizing yeah, they're right, she did die because of you. She only joined this mission because she wanted to help you and your cause because she loved you so much. I felt sad learning this in the story, and knowing there's nothing I can do to bring her back or make things right. Not only because of Mipha but also because of Link, how tragic his story all of a sudden became, knowing that he can't do anything to right this wrong and imagining the future that he could've had if all of this never happened, possibly a future together with someone he loves, but all of that's gone now. The story feels detached because it IS detached and it's so tragic because of it, and the world feels so lonely because of it.

This format does not work in tears of the kingdom. If there was any chance of me having actual emotional attachements to characters from 10 000+ years ago that my character never even interacted with, that chance was minimized by a million percentages because they were the exact same cutscene where they say the exact same thing, they always wear masks so you can't even see their face, and we just know literally nothing about them. We get to know three characters a little bit, but it's like.. Can I really be that invested in what my new girlfriends adoptive parents and aunt did 10 000+ years ago? Yeah I want to find Zelda and finding out she's a dragon and all that was very cool and stuff. But the story doesn't work, especially since it doesn't fit in with anything we saw in breath of the wild AT ALL except one npc saying she can see a castle in the sky. Ooh we're finally learning what the Zonai ruins were! Oh, they're actually not where the zonai resided at all and actually the ruins didn't even look like that somehow someone built the ruins around a different ruin how do you even do that using stone? Are the zonai ruins made of clay since they're wrapped around the older zonai ruins? Like idk they didn't tie any of this to anything we were emotionally invested in, so why is it in a direct sequel? Oh wait I know why, because they wanted to reuse the world since they had already created it and it's so big and it did have untapped potential. But then make a story that actually has anything to do with the story that its a sequel to!!

Actually, majoras mask did the exact same thing as tears of the kingdom, kind of. Except the story in majoras mask, while largely detached from ocarina of time, is an actual good and gripping story!!!!!

Okay I can't rant any more. Breath of the wild is an actual good game that actually had a good story even if it was short and simple, and it accomplished exactly what they set out to accomplish, and it does not deserve to get dragged as a bad game just because tears of the kingdom had a bad story and used the exact same format as botw. Since you're reading this I assume you have played botw and don't need me to explain exactly what happened in the story. Like you know, how everyone failed? How the kingdom fell to ruin because literally everyone failed at their job? That story.