#question: short or long?

[mastcrmarksman]

KNOWING YOUR PARTNER WELL CAN POTENTIALLY MAKE WRITING TOGETHER A LOT EASIER.

REPOST DO NOT REBLOG !!

NAME : Izzy

PRONOUNS : they/them

PREFERENCE OF COMMUNICATION : I'll hand out my discord here and there, but you can reach me by DMs.

NAME OF MUSE(s) : Clint Barton, and then I've got a handful of other blogs; but Clint will literally devour my soul and I can't write anyone else when this happens (it's happening)

BEST EXPERIENCE : Honestly, this come back to tumblr after being away for like 3 years. The friendships and dynamics I've built with Clint on my return has been amazing, and I'm also very glad people like how I write him, cause I've pretty much picked up comic Clint and said "he's mine now. i'm giving him a whole new arc/plot/story to explore and away from canon" and people are buying into that. Thank you so much everyone! I love all my friends and writing partners here so much <3

RP PET PEEVES / DEALBREAKERS : Uhhh, pet peeves? I don't quite get what's with people not liking posts anymore or using the reply/comment feature more, like if you see someone posting an hc. Take a second to read? Give it a like or comment a heart even, if you're really that pressed to control your likes..... Dealbreakers, I haven't encountered anyone, I guess it'd be just if I pushed to write or make smut centric, but no one is doing that.

MUSE PREFERENCES : I like characters that have an internal struggle (lol that could be anyone). I don't know. I try to write so many types of characters, but characters like Clint I always come back too. Honestly, whatever is the character type that's been Clint Barton and Pepper Potts.

PLOTS OR MEMES : Memes are usually good to start, but I definitely wouldn't mind doing more plotting and giving a general direction to a thread. Although, really memes are great, and I truly appreciate those who send a bunch of memes, or don't mind treating some memes as one shots ( i love one shots ; just look at the length of some of my ask responses )

LONG OR SHORT REPLIES : Both. I want more shorter threads right now, but I have a knack for getting wordy and writing long things. This is why length matching does not matter, as long as there is enough substance to continue or something to help move something forward; a shorter reply to a longer reply is good; just as I tend to take a shorter thing and get longer with. This is also why I tend to like or mention with meme responses, like you can just reblog/save this and treat this as little one shot/drabble I wrote for you. I also tend to do the same.

BEST TIME TO WRITE : I don't get a lot of work, I am home all the time. So i'm bored a lot. So literally anytime, although I have a tendency to write a lot more late at night. For me, why I'm not writing is usually mood, or I don't have a very good set up for writing long haul; so if my neck, back, or hands and wrist start to cramp up cause my sit down to write isn't a good position/only position. That usually defeats me; like after I post this I will probably take a break, stretch, keep on my break and write a bit in a few hours.

ARE YOU LIKE YOUR MUSE(S) : Yes and no / I don't know. I know I'm the type of neurospicy where Clint Barton has rotten my brain for like the past 15 years or something; and I've been writing him for like 10 years; that I'm probably funny like Clint is, but who actually knows lol. I try to be normal and healthy with muse and mun separation; even if his whole recovery arc is very important and real to me; and I will live in the delusion that is what I am getting from the comics as in I will just write it myself on my roleplay blog (this is a joke; legally I have to say that I think)

tagged by; @danversiism evil boops you infinity, ily tania <3

tagging: lol im suppose to tag people; if you wanna expose yourself, do it. flash the dash. i'll probably read it and like it.

[thisisustrying]

I hate it here so I will go to lunar valleys in my mind

t.s. + the motif of space

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

I haven't read these books at all, but your art is so fun and cute that I like seeing your comics a lot regardless. Fantastic Silly Little Guy energy.

Thank you for enjoying my silly little guys and my comics B*)

[shkika]

If W1 and Gabe ever find a truce, would Gabriel get annoyed by W1 talking to itself all the time or would they actually have good conversations between the 2 of them? Would Gabriel ask why the two of them decided to fuse in the first place? Are they even able to speak?? Who does the speaking??

(So many questions sorry!!! 😫)

Small assortment of low-effort fun doodles where Gabriel actually brings W1 to heaven for you anon!

First of all all of W1's internal dialogue is very much internal. The two brains constantly talk to each other in there silently. So if anything it will be eerily silent, because it'd simply forget to communicate what it's thinking about. VV1 simply has no inherent need to include anyone else in it's conversations with itself.

W1 does have a voice synthesizer and both of them speak. Both are very loose with what the other is allowed to say and I mean VERY. In addition, if they get too excited and try to use the voice synthesizer at the same time it gets super buggy!

As for Gabriel I think he lacks very important context and information about W1 as a whole. He doesn't even know or assume the machine is actually a buy one get one for free kind of deal. I think he'd be a bit..? Weirded out?

Not that he hasn't seen enough horrors, by all means hes desensitized. But Ultrakill's hell is full with quite a few entities that are all about unwillingly sharing a body and using that as torture. W1 enjoying it's predicament is... interesting..? It's curious even! He'd definitely ask it why it is the way it is!

... And many other questions too probably!!!! There's a lot to be curious about with this bug.

[14dayswithyou]

Meowdy Saint 😼

I got goth vibes and so does my AngelOC, Elodie. So it's funny to imagine this pink boy who is secretly an emo boy in disguise next to a wednesday addams esque babe lmao. Poor boy miscalculated, I like that there was an option to be like 'Oh I like that goth style' at the cafe.

But this raises a question! Would he drop the Ren persona and aesthetic if he realized it wasn't totally necessary?

⌞♥⌝ This has been answered multiple times in the past, but yes, he'd drop the light academia aesthetic if Angel wasn't into it! ^^

However, from a game dev standpoint, it'd be extremely difficult for me to include a bunch of types and aesthetics in hopes of making Ren's appearance feel more inclusive for everyone, so it's easier for me to say, "Oh, Angel likes this one anime character" and build the lore around that.

So, for those who like Ren's real appearance and would've preferred if he introduced himself as [REDACTED] (instead of his Haruko persona), I hear you!! ^^

But please understand that if that were the case, the 14DWY storyline would be a lot less interesting and would defeat the entire purpose of Ren's motives. A big part of his characterisation is that he's more than willing to alter every part of himself to become Angel's ideal type, and if their type happened to be [REDACTED], then it'd make the buildup to his reveal in Day ??? feel far less anticlimactic.

[skz-films]

the director and the cameraman.

[artsycooky13]

i peeked into the sonic fandom and this dynamic grew on me. also satbk was really cool

[thegamingcatmom]

ATTENTION PLS!

This is of utmost hairy importance:

I keep getting stuck on her hair. Not literally, sadly.

Part of me imagines long, straight, silken strands that are so soft to the touch. When she´s leaning forward and she lacks her head piece, they fall slowly, strand by strand, framing her face like a curtain. Same when she´s leaning over you (which ain´t hard cause bish is tall af). This is why she keeps them nicely tucked behind her ears (*feral noises*) when she´s not parading as The Priestess, so they won´t get in her way when she´s working or seducing you. When stressed, she runs a hand through it, making it come loose before it falls forward even more persistently than before, and hair that had once been neatly parted in the middle just...isn´t anymore. And all of that just does things to me- 😩🤌

BUT THEN-

...Then there´s the other part of me who can´t help but see her as this ruthless mob boss (I mean) who keeps it so short that the ends are barely touching her neck, slicked back with gel or some other substance that gives them a stiff, almost coarse appearance. Not one hair out of place, the definition of well-groomed. When stressed, she runs her hands through it in frustration, slicking it back even further. OR, perhaps that´s even the reason for that slicked-back appearance. That woman can´t keep her hands still, that´s just a fact (to me). So, when she´s not busy cutting someone open, she´s busy running them through her hair. It´s become an automatic response. And imagining her all huffy and puffy after yet another failed experiment, closing her eyes in frustration while running her hands through her hair?? I- 😩🤌

And just imagine running your hands through it and probs lose them in the process?? No matter if long and soft or short and stiff, that thought just-

😩🤌

WITH THAT SAID:

[intotheelliwoods]

In regards to the last update, Sprout is getting a new/updated reference sheet! But one question remains...

[a2zillustration]

The desire to draw these two again but without the motivation to make something more than one of these little charts (oops)

Thank you Valc0 for making the sheet!

[vynnyal]

Turns out Sunlit Trail isn't quite done just yet, so after all that they just send you to a dead end 😂

[farshootergotme]

Has dick really lost that many people? To make a whole ass list?

Well, let's see... (keep in mind I haven't read lots of comics so there could definitely be more than what I'm about to mention)

- His parents.

- A few (Teen) Titans members like Donna Troy (brought back to life), Wally West (more than once if I'm not wrong, but it'll depend which era you're reading) and Jericho (aka. Joseph Wilson). And there could definitely be more but I couldn't say for sure.

- Jason Todd.

- The people who lived in the same building as him who he was friends with, that's around 20 people?

- Haly's Circus was burnt down twice and I know one of those times at least another 20 people died and 100 were severely injured (remember many of the members in the circus were like family to him).

- Do we count the city? Because even though he wasn't close with every single person, Dick genuinely cares for the people of Bludhaven and Deathstroke killed over 100,000 citizens.

- Bruce Wayne (he was technically dead, even if in reality he was lost in time).

- Damian Wayne.

- Alfred Pennyworth.

- Tim Drake has died at least once but I don't know if it's happened in the main continuity or if his death has only happened in an alternative universe.

And I have a feeling there's a bunch of people I'm forgetting, but these are the ones I can mention off the top of my head. Not counting the Bludhaven Citizens, that's around 50 people or so.

If anyone can add more to the list, that'd be great.

[sleep-nurse]

remember null? well after lore progression and violence he regained his true self now

say hi to narrow (or, nicknamed by hana, anguria which means watermelon in italian)

lore rambling in the tags because i'm not assed to write it here

[seiwas]

SEL MY SEL …….. crawling over here for the ask game …………… you already know . who i’m going to ask for phdkdjdkdb IN MY DEFENSE I WILL NEVER GET OVER YOUR VERSION OF HIM !!!!!!!

….. sugu ….. with ’sun’ ……. maybe 👉👈

(🍵 <- a little matcha for your troubles … good luck with the writing exercises my loveee <33 i’m cheering you on!!!)

ARI 🥹🥹🥹🥹 hehe ofc i shall write sugu for u! writing him is always so fun 🥹 thank you for the prompt, and for the matcha!! i will be sipping it as i write this 🥹 it is not a trouble at alllll!! esp if it's for youuuuu 🫶

contains: beautiful, gorgeous, sexy neighbor suguru, mood can be a bit unsettling... honestly a little stockholm syndrome-y (does this count as dark? idk 😭), skewed concept of reality and time

suguru + sun

you move into a new neighborhood on your 24th birthday.

it's a quaint house, fully furnished with wooden panels lining its contemporary build. you consider yourself lucky for finding a place this well-kept at the price point you offered. you're honestly surprised that suguru, your now landlord, accepted your application.

the area sits a few kilometers on the outskirts of the city, but it feels neither too quiet nor too busy; a perfect balance with an impressive view of the rising sun this early in the morning. that, and the people seem friendly, greeting you as they pass by. they even offer to help you haul things out of your car and into the house.

to the right of your house is one that holds the same design elements at yours, although a bit darker in its tones. it's sleek and modern, befitting of a bachelor.

"you must be the new tenant," a voice speaks from behind you, syrupy and smooth. you didn't even hear his footsteps.

when you turn around, you're met with a tall man who greets you with his arms held behind his back as he tilts his head low. there's a calmness that radiates off him, a sort of gentleness that signals he’s someone you can trust.

you nod, introducing yourself with your hand outstretched towards him.

"suguru," he replies as his fingers grab yours delicately. your eyes widen in surprise, recognizing the name, and he merely chuckles in return, a soft laugh that brings out kindness in his eyes.

"i should greet you properly," he lets go of your hand, placing it back behind him. "hello, new neighbor."

.

over shared breakfasts by your porch and impromptu dinners over at his, you grow a liking to suguru. he's polite and thoughtful, often knocking at your door in the mornings to offer you a cup of tea to watch the sunrise.

"you'll only find sunrises like this here," he leans back on the wooden chair you set out as outdoor furniture. his head tilts towards you slightly, impossibly close as you notice the corner of his lips curl up into a small grin.

hues of pinks, purples, and orange blend to illuminate his face perfectly. the sun is beautiful in front you, peeking between clouds as it inches away from the horizon, but something about him is infinitely more magnetic. your stare is immediately drawn to his lips, smooth and supple, before it meets his gaze.

you don't know what's worse―wanting to lean in or be pulled by the look in his eyes.

he fixes things that break in your home, always somehow knowing just when to show up. at first, it was your windows, the one by the attic, too high and dangerous for you to climb; then, it was your kitchen sink, its pipes regurgitating the water going down the drain. he's begun to bring you your groceries too, often asking for a list of what you need when he makes trips out of town.

your days blur easily when you're with suguru, and time passes almost fleetingly as you find your hours filled with soft laughs and touches so delicate you sometimes wonder whether they're real.

it should be noted, you think, how much time has passed since you first met him―an anniversary of some sort.

.

you learn that he owns both houses―his and the one you're currently renting. it once belonged to a friend who had to move for bigger, greater responsibilities elsewhere, he'd said.

"why did you decide on renting?" you ask him one night, over wine and candlelight.

your fingers fiddle with his as he sits you on his lap, this thing between you growing more intimate lately. he rubs his thumb along your thigh, resting his chin by your shoulder.

"you could have sold it or something."

he presses his lips gently on your collarbone.

"i could've," his fingers trail up to your waist, crossing your chest before landing on your chin, cupping it lightly to face him. your heart is hammering in your chest, senses on fire as his nose kisses yours. you think you can count every mole that dots his face beautiful. then, he inches closer, lips grazing yours as he whispers, "but i was waiting for you."

.

you mark each day at sunrise.

your digital clocks and calendars stopped working after some time, but you don't mind. suguru always tells you what date it is when you ask.

this morning, you wake up in his bed, and the sun is still as breathtaking as you remember it, the same pink, purple, and orange hues streaming through his window. when you look closely, the clouds―

"good morning," he brings you tea in bed, his hair topped off with a bun, a half-up-half-down.

your stomach fills itself with something warm and fuzzy as you smile at him, "morning."

"slept well?" his hand reaches for your waist under the duvet, and you giggle, ticklish.

"very," you crane your neck to land a soft kiss on his lips. "what date is it today?"

"october 28," he supplies.

your eyebrows shoot up as you realize, "i have to bring my car to the mechanic."

it's been 6 months now since your last check, right before you moved, and though you barely use your car anyway, it's best to be safe.

you quickly move to get up but suguru's hand keeps you in place, firmly pressed on your waist.

"i'll do it," he says with a smile on his face, "you rest here."

.

you barely see your other neighbors except for the girl who smokes a pack of cigarettes a day and the twins down the street.

when you ask suguru about it, he dismisses the question quickly, saying, "must have moved," as he urges you to take another sip of your tea.

you dream of them that night, on bare streets; it wakes you in a cold sweat, the image of your neighborhood reduced to just your house and suguru's.

.

this is the 200th sunrise since you started counting, which means this is the 200th day since you and suguru officially got together. kind of.

your gift for him is a painting of the sunrise, because it reminds you of him; and because it's become your favorite thing to look forward to, too.

the pinks and purples blend together beautifully as it contrasts with the orange hues, and the sun continues to peak above the horizon as it settles between clouds.

suguru kisses you when you give it to him, the taste of tea right on his tongue.

he frames it on his bedside, and when you wake in his room the next morning, it greets you along with the back of his head, fast asleep.

your eyes flit to the view outside his window, the same pinks, purples, and orange hues. you tilt your head curiously, brows furrowing. the sun stays at the same spot above the horizon, and when you look at the painting again, the clouds hold the same position and shape.

a chill washes over you, your hearbeat pounding.

.

"what date is it today?" you ask suguru as you wash the potatoes in the sink.

another bag of groceries from suguru. now that you think about it, you don't think you've ever gone to the grocery store since moving.

"is it important?" he responds, slightly snappy. you've begun to notice that he hates it when you ask lately.

you eye him from the side.

"i was thinking of preparing a menu of what we'll eat during the holidays, if it's near."

the furrow on his brows smooths out as you give your answer, and so he says, "december 5."

and you know something is wrong, because that can't be it. it doesn't make sense with the sunrises you've counted.

.

you dream again, more and more as the days go by―dirt roads and your house and suguru's, run-down and empty. more things start breaking in your apartment, and suguru always knows when they need to be fixed.

there's a deep, twisting feeling in your stomach that intensifies, festering under your skin; it worsens in the mornings, when you sit with suguru at your porch and you think you see a crack in the sunrise.

.

sunrise valley the place where the sun never sets! ─── beautiful, bright, and destined for people who live just like you! find your new home here.

[DISCONTINUED] — FOR DEMOLITION ON DECEMBER 7. under investigation for suspicious spiritual activity and missing persons.

[tofixtheshadows]

"Are there cameras in Dunmeshi" the greatest thread in the history of forums, locked by a moderator after I forced everyone to read roughly 12,239 pages of my own posts.

[bbcphile]

Mysterious Lotus Casebook and Complex PTSD Representations: Part I

One of my favorite things about Mysterious Lotus Casebook is how surprisingly nuanced and unusual its portrayal of complex PTSD is. So many shows either introduce character trauma to make the character Sad and Brooding, Angry and Violent (if they’re a villain) or Hesitant to Start a Relationship (if it’s a romance), and that’s usually as in-depth as it gets. If they address the unique after effects of child abuse that lead to complex PTSD at all, it’s usually either explain why a character is a homicidal monster (which is all sorts of problematic) or it’s limited to a single phobia, which can be overcome by the Power of Love, or it’s just something that crops up occasionally for Plot and then forgotten about the rest of the time. 

Mysterious Lotus Casebook gives us two deeply traumatized characters–Li Lianhua and Di Feisheng–who each have clear symptoms of complex PTSD, and yet, their cPTSD manifests completely differently because of the types of traumas that caused it and their relationships to the people causing the traumas. And their manifestations of cPTSD affect just about every level of their being, including their sense of self, their decision-making, and their relationships with others, and it includes some of the incredibly important manifestations of cPTSD that are almost never shown in media while avoiding the most insulting stereotypes! 

PTSD vs cPTSD

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is an anxiety disorder caused by experiencing a single (or short lived) traumatic event (an accident, assault, medical emergency, fighting in a war, etc), where the symptoms last for longer than a month. Symptoms include things like reexperiencing the event (flashbacks), avoidance (of things related to the event), changes in mood (depression, anger, fear, etc), and issues with emotional regulation (hypervigilance–being constantly on the lookout for threats–irritability/angry outbursts, etc.).

Complex PTSD happens if someone has experienced long term, chronic/repeated trauma that induces hopelessness and no chance of escape (survivors of extended child abuse, human trafficking, domestic violence, prisoners of war, slavery, etc.). It’s also often interpersonal in ways a car crash or medical emergency is not, and is particularly linked with chronic trauma during childhood: chronic stress hormones introduce literal physical changes in a growing brain, particularly the amygdala (which processes fear), hippocampus (which is responsible for learning/memory), and the prefrontal cortex (which is responsible for executive function), so it can affect every aspect of life and also affect a child’s progression through developmental stages. In addition to these physical changes to the brain, the prolonged trauma–particularly the helplessness–distorts a child’s sense of self, the perpetrator, and the world in ways that alter their decision making, their memory, and their future relationships. 

For instance, whereas a traumatic event that caused PTSD might make you depressed or not trust the person who harmed you (or to fear driving), the trauma from cPTSD might make you suicidal, blame yourself for your victimization, decide to isolate to avoid interpersonal relationships to keep from getting hurt, or become obsessed with never being harmed again.

Basically, cPTSD has the core symptoms from PTSD with some extra challenges, including issues with emotional regulation, self-concept, interruptions in consciousness, difficulties with relationships, perceptions of the perpetrator, and systems of meaning.

DFS and LLH: CPTSD Symptoms

There’s so much more to say about this than I can cover in this superficial introduction, so this will be the first of a series of metas; I’m hoping to go into more depth about some of these categories in future posts (the DFS and emotional regulation/violence one is already drafted, so stay tuned). 

Difficulties with Relationships (problems with trust, communication, missing red flags): Both DFS and LLH have a history of trusting the wrong people and not trusting the right people, both in the past and in the present of the show: in the past, LLH missed the fact that SGD hated him and DFS missed the fact that JLQ was obsessed with him, and as a result, both sects were destroyed, many people died, and the two almost destroyed each other. If they had communicated with each other instead of fighting at the donghai battle, they might have realized they were being set up and could have worked together, but their difficulties with trust after perceived betrayal made that impossible for them. They both have a history of overlooking red flags in the present–DFS in particular, keeping the red-flag-personified-JLQ around despite her history of poisoning people, including himself–and they both tend to struggle with relationships in the present: LLH runs away from and/or drugs the people who care about him, and DFS sends endless mixed messages by not telling Li Lianhua most of his plans to help him. 

Self-Concept (Self-hatred and self-fragmentation): Li Lianhua is basically the poster child for having a negative self concept: he has an overdeveloped sense of self-blame and responsibility, even believing he deserves to die for leading his men to their deaths, and once he learns he was manipulated and SGD was behind it all, he seems to think it’s his own fault that he was manipulated, lied to, and abused. His self-loathing is so extreme that he imagines his earlier self, Li Xiangyi, to have died, and tries as much as possible to be nothing like that earlier persona. His repeated insistence that Li Xiangyi and Li Lianhua are NOT the same person is reminiscent of the fragmentary sense of self that comes with more extreme trauma, like Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) or Other-Specified Dissociative Disorder (OSDD), where traumatic experiences are so painful that people form different alters, or differentiated self-states, that can have different names and skills and memories and identities. 

Di Feisheng doesn’t have the self-hatred or guilt that LLH does, and it seems like he tries to skip over questions of self worth, blame, or hatred by focusing exclusively on staying true to his code of ethics he’s developed for himself and focusing on gaining the strength necessary to fight for his freedom from mind control and the Di Fortress. But even though he’s kept his Di name, kept his goals the same since escaping Di Fortress, and hasn’t tried to separate himself from his trauma the way LLH did with LXY, he’s even more willing than LLH to take on different identities: it’s literally one of his martial arts skills. The Bone Constriction Skill lets him become someone else for a time, whether that’s a child or Shi Hun. It fits well with his willingness to be whoever he needs to be to accomplish his goals: he’s perfectly willing to be seen as a heartless villain if it lets him protect LLH, and he’s willing to flirt with and pretend to be jealous of JLQ to get information from her, and he’s willing to be LLH’s a-Fei, both with and without his memories.

Interruptions in Consciousness (Amnesia and nightmares for Everyone): LLH and DFS both have nightmares and flashbacks/memories of traumatic events, and as mentioned above, both have interesting hints of having fragmented/fluid senses of self. They both also dissociate, or separate themselves from the present when dealing with traumatic things:  LLH spaces out and gets stuck in his past memories about SGD when talking to FDB after burying SGD, and DFS dissociates from physical pain so as not to make noise both after he’s been stabbed and poisoned with Wuxin Huai and again when JLQ is torturing him in her water dungeon.

They both also have dissociative amnesia that takes away trauma memories, although one is from a poisonous incense plus the magic of qi macgyvering:  LLH forgot the existence of his older brother who died in front of him, and DFS as a-Fei had just about all of his memories (except a few of killing as a child) taken away. Amnesia is a huge part of cPTSD, because it’s the brain’s way of trying to protect you from truths that you might not survive. It can manifest as blocking out one single traumatic event, a bunch of thematically or temporally linked traumatic events, a skill set related to the trauma, or, in the case of something like DID or OSDD, just about everything. It’s endlessly fascinating to me that the show gives us one example of definite traumatic amnesia through LLH, and then seems to almost transform the experience of having DID and being a new part and finding yourself with a new name and very little else into an exaggerated fantasy setting (interestingly, people often report experiencing debilitating headaches when they try to regain memories behind the amnesia barrier). I doubt this is what they were actually going for, since DID is almost universally portrayed incorrectly and offensively in media (one of the alters is almost always portrayed as a serial killer, but that’s a rant for another day), but the different names and the presence of amnesia with LLH made it a fascinating enough parallel that I had to mention it.

 Problems with Emotional Regulation (Lashing in vs. lashing out): Li Xiangyi and Di Feisheng are polar opposites when it comes to struggles with emotional regulation: whereas LXY turns his anger inward, directing it all toward self-hate in what’s often called a “toxic shame spiral,” both after the donghai battle and after he finds out about SGD’s role in his shifu’s death, DFS lashes out physically at those who have harmed him, usually via choking people, although he is usually exerting an impressive amount of control over his emotions and strength. To put in perspective just how different their emotional strategies are and how much effort DFS puts into emotional regulation, compare how much more calm he is than LLH during any revelation of past betrayal or painful information, any scene where they confront the people who have abused them, or any scene where they learn they’ve been wrong about something big; LLH is most likely having an emotional flashback (re-experiencing the emotions from the earlier traumas) and DFS is probably compartmentalizing them or dissociating from them to process later/never so he can stay semi-functional and not show a potential opponent a weak spot. 

NOTE: This means that DFS is loooong overdue for a very dramatic breakdown when it eventually all catches up to him and he can’t distract himself from it anymore.

Perceptions of Perpetrators: In this way only, Di Feisheng has one advantage: he knows the head of Di Fortress is a cruel, abusive tyrant. While he clearly still fears him, even as a physically strong adult (he has nightmares, flashbacks, and dedicates his life to being free from him, which means he still to some extent feels young, small, and helpless when he thinks of him), DFS knows that he hates him and wants to be free of him. This is probably part of why he’s spared some of the self-hatred LLH experiences: he knows he didn’t deserve the abuse because seeing it happen to other children means he knows the abuse wasn’t a personal reflection on him. It does, however, motivate him to want to be stronger and invulnerable so as to never be helpless again, and that obsession is what drives him to have a single-minded focus on reaching the pinnacle of the jianghu.  

It’s so much more complicated for Li Lianhua (and for a more detailed analysis, check out this meta): the childhood perpetrators were manifold–a slew of bandits, whichever children and adults on the street would abuse him for existing and being poor–it probably felt like life itself was to blame. It’s no wonder that when his shifu and shiniang took him in, they were the ultimate rescuers whom he hero-worshipped, so when he felt he made a mistake and his life fell apart, he blamed himself: at least there would be someone to blame that way and something he could do about it (try to kill his past self and hate everything about him). It’s also very telling that LLH doesn’t blame JLQ or YBQ all that much when he learns they poisoned him, and that he’s more angry that SGD murdered their shifu than he is that SGD set him up, hated him, and was the real mastermind behind everything he had blamed himself for; he struggles to stay angry at people who harm him, and would rather blame and hate himself for being tricked than hate the person who tricked him. So, whereas DFS tries to destroy the people who abused him, LLH tries to destroy himself.

If you read this far, thanks! I’m probably going to be posting the DFS and emotional regulation/violence against perpetrator meta next, because it’s drafted, but if there are any of these you desperately want me to talk about more sooner rather than later, let me know! :D