#queer utopia fr

[moonyswarmsweaters]

what if I said I want these Dead gay wizards imbedded in my blood?

[yrrtyrrtwhenihrrthrrt]

I don't liveblog, but I do live-write-down-my-thoughts, so below are my live thoughts while watching Arcane S2 E7, in order of appearance

Oh my God Powder is adorable. Imagine my girl getting to grow up. Viktor and Jayce really doomed society fr

Damn Ekko and Heimerdinger are like bouncing around in a utopia while Jayce got sent to the damn shadow realm. Free my boy what the fuck did he do to deserve that lmao

Wait did Jayce not go to the good world because he fucking died, so he had no body there to inhabit? Jayce and Vi the real disaster queers, the mere erasure of their existence created world peace

Ekko put the fucking hexcore away wtf don't break this world just so you can go back and try to unbreak the other

Oh Jesus Jayce cannot get a fucking break can he. I'm getting real Chernobyl vibes, like everything in this world has been corrupted by the Arcane, it's all around (like radiation) and Jayce has to eat/drink contaminated food and water... Which could corrupt him too.

Oh my poor sweet boy look at him crying. I love you Jayce I'm so sorry

"I can't help but feel like that's who you're supposed to be" EKKO BUDDY YOU SURE ABOUT THAT???

The contrast between "Go have fun at the party :3" and Jayce fighting for his life is fucking sending me. Ekko goes to prom while Jayce experiences ego death

OHHHHH SILCO AND VANDER,,,, LOVE WINS I'm so happy for them

POW POW YOURE SO CUTE I LOVE YOU

If Vi could see this world she'd have died a thousand times to create it if that's what it took to see her family and friends all healthy and happy

Heimerdinger... Whatcha doing there buuuuuuuudddyyyyyyyy

Imagine being Powder and finding out your bf actually really was from another dimension and seeing him glitch out of existence only for your actual nerd boyfriend to wake up with no memory of the past 2 months. Whack as fuck.

[obsessingonthevalley]

THE MASTER'S

Ok so as a nuWho fan (please don't sue me) this is a personal opinion piece on Saxon, Missy, and SpyMaster (who I may refer to as Sacha's master through this.

King fr. I like to say I liked Scissor Sister's 'I Can't Decide' before I watched 'The Sound of Drums' but that's just not true though, is it?

I love his 3 part story, yes I am counting Utopia as a Saxon episode, suck my balls. Yeah is he a bit abusive, duh he's the master? what do you want flowers and daisies? Do I love the 3 part story as a story, yes, I do. And I don't care that little goblin doctor isn't beloved, or Martha's storyline in the finale either. Suck. My. Testicles?

I also love when he comes back in "The End of Time". Yeah him being a little ravenous speedy boy, loved that. Lived for it actually. The spinning Saxon heads, yeppers, loved that. Do it again?

His return in series 10, not gonna say hate, but he defo was not the best Master in the room, yknow.

Fun fact this is actually a picture of my wife, I'm not sure how it got into this Tumblr post? that's... superrr weird? Like huh? wdym? wait no huh?

Yeah, so I am in love with her indeed, in fact. So yep. She just is perfect. Michelle Gomez's portrayal is spectacular. "Death in Heaven" actually killed me (Danny pink reference?) (too soon, oopsies) She's great, equal parts scary and awesome saucesome so.

Oh and do not even get me started on her s11 arc, a beauty, I understand it's not for everyone, but I'm not expecting you to keep your long-term queer alien lover in a basement, I'm just saying, low-key rate the doc for doing that. D'ya get me?

Again her goodbye from the series perspective is yeah... Not as strong as her start, but still out with a bang. NOT LIKE THAT?

Fun fact this is actually a picture of my husband, I'm not sure how it got into this Tumblr post? that's... superrr weird? Like huh? wdym? wait no huh?

AHHHHH!!! the loml (platonically ofc ofc, still very aromantic) but I love him so much. He's just so. Sacha's master saved s12 for me, I know it started s12 and thank the lord above for that, because just the thought of Sacha's master (spymaster) just being around, a loose thread waiting to be tied up saved me through Orphan 55. So. Also as seen with my rating of Saxon, I love a master that dances. So saly

King? fr fr.

[jewishbarbies]

Hey so I'm the anon from earlier with the long essay about the closeting thing and sorry I came across very angry but it wasnt directed at you as much as everyone in general who say queer celebs have a jollie good time in hollywood being queer and don't need beards because all's well in utopia and that frustrates me and I directed it at you which I shouldn't have

But I still stand by the general opinions I said and honestly, if you ask me about taylor, I am queer and when I hear her lyrics, I feel quite strongly that certain songs couldn't have been written unless she has experienced some deep longing for a woman. But what a lot of ppl seem to think is that just because she might be queer means she is a good person and that simply is not true. I mean look at Ellen DeGeneres. She is very gay and she is also an asshole. Taylor Swift, in my view, is very much an Ellen kinda queer

And her being queer doesn't erase her racism, her anti-Semitism, her white feminism none of it. I just think we can criticise her without saying she "queerbaits" because sexuality is not something that exists in a box like a costume that people can just try on. Sexuality is not a political thing, it's human nature. If you ask me, none of us are probably totally straight and I understand that there's a lot of heteronormative societal structures that prevent people from understanding this but when it comes down to biology, it's really as simple as that. That's why i do loathe the accusations being leveled these days at real people for queerbaiting because that's not the definition of queerbaiting nor has it ever been.

And I think if she chooses to be closeted, she is going to behave like a closeted, publicly straight artist like many others do. I also don't think she chooses to hide because she is afraid of discrimination but I think it's cos she is so attached to her fame and the attention she gets from dating men, she wouldn't sacrifice it by revealing certain truths about herself. She is too narcissistic for that imo

There's no shortage of problematic things taylor has done without needing to bring up the sexuality aspect that's all

Sorry this got long, I've had this on my mind for a while now

that very well could be true about her, but as long as she identifies as straight I’m going to also identify her as straight and I feel like it’s leaning into problematic territory not to. she could’ve felt something for a woman at some time in her life but still identifies as straight. I don’t think we’ll ever know and frankly it’s none of our business. all you should know is what she tells you, and she’s straight up told us that she’s straight in interviews. so no matter what she writes about, I’m not saying OR speculating that she could be anything else. I think that’s the biggest issue with saying not to speculate is that most people still speculate anyway to some degree, and it just needs to stop. you’re more than welcome to hear her music however you hear it and have the opinions you have. but as far as taylor specifically is concerned, she identifies as straight.

the way I view the queerbaiting situation with taylor specifically, is there’s taylor the person and Taylor™️ the brand. Taylor™️ the brand makes money. she can be whatever she wants in her personal life. the problem is when Taylor™️ the brand is putting out a song about herself with one or two throwaway lines that are either just ambiguous or are intentionally placed to make the song seem ambiguous and claims it’s a queer anthem, during pride month, and then never again is just straight up rainbow capitalism at best. but the songs she releases and only claims later they’re from the pov of a man when questioned if it’s about her expressing queer feelings because The Brand, that’s queerbaity to me. she seems fine letting fans praise her and hail her as a queer icon when it benefits her until it stands to affect her perception to her conservative fanbase, and then she tells the truth that’s it’s from the pov of a man. does this make sense? like things like that feel deliberate. there’s a couple she hasn’t spoken on to my knowledge, but for those specific two instances, it feels like rainbow capitalism and queerbaiting as Taylor™️ the brand that makes money off of people like gaylors who obsessed over her sexuality and “hints” she may be queer.

I can’t speak to other situations with other celebs, this is just my perspective on taylor specifically, and it’s totally okay if you disagree.

[fappellmoan]

this is going on the list of queer utopia shows fr…

[fritz-letsch]

Jazz + Weltmusik befreien und versöhnen

Sie nennen es Kritische Hoffnung: So viel leere Hoffnung wurde uns von den Religionen verabreicht, um uns ruhig zu stellen und zu Gebeten anzuleiten, aber es braucht reale Begegnungen und Zusammenarbeit, um die Verhältnisse zu ändern: Viele ReGierungen sind im Drogen- und Waffenhandel, in Handelskriegen um Rohstoffe, und Land und uns. Hinter dieser Musik steht die Erfahrung von Umsiedlungen, Rassenkrieg und Versöhnungsarbeit in den Communities, Nachbarschaften, Quartieren ... Critical: Hope. Weltpremiere.

Malcolm Jiyane (piano/trombone) aus Johannesburg, Asher Gamedze (piano, drums) aus Kapstadt, Simon-Mary Vincent (piano) aus Budapest am 27.01.2024 – 20 Uhr im Theater im Fraunhofer in München! Diese von der Sophiatown Arts Akademy, dem Sophiatown Arts Festival, dem Haus Steingraeber und der Universität Bayreuth ermöglichte Künstler:innen-Begegnung bringt Ausnahmemusiker:innen des Jazz und der politischen Gegenwartsmusik zusammen. Hingehen! Berauscht sein! Denken, handeln! Ein vielsprachiges Event gegen die Misere der Gegenwart, kuratiert von @SophiatownArtsAkademy Johannesburg. Im Rahmen ihrer Artist Residency haben sich die Künstler:innen mit dem Thema “Critical: Hope!” auseinandergesetzt: Hoffnung, verstanden nicht als naiver Wunsch, sondern als politische Analyse von Gegenwart und radikal gerechter Zukunftsentwurf. “The here and now is a prison house. We must strive, in the face of the here and now’s totalising rendering of reality, to think and feel a then and there.” José Esteban Muñoz, Cruising Utopia: The Then and There of Queer Futurity Hingehen! Berauscht sein! Denken, handeln! Ein vielsprachiges Event gegen die Misere der Gegenwart, kuratiert von @SophiatownArtsAkademy Johannesburg. Kritische Hoffnung https://fairmuenchen.eineweltnetz.org/?p=20696220&preview=true Universum hieß es früher, nun denken wir in der globalen Welt weiter, was auch vor der Kolonialisierung an anderen Denkweisen und Kulturen, Gemeinschafts-Ordnungen und Religionen existierte, was Anthropologen wie David Graeber und David Wengrow in Anfänge beschreiben  

Wissenschaftsjournalist Wolfgang Chr. Goede berichtet im Gespräch mit Lora-Moderator Fritz Letsch aus seinem pluriversalen Leben in Kolumbien. WO sich Global-Nord und Global-Süd überlagern, von schnellsten Internets und virtueller Wirtschaft bis zu Garcia Marquez magischem Realismus und dem, in Stadt und Land, anzutreffenden Zauber und Hexenglauben. WIE entstand in den indigenen Gesellschaften Lateinamerikas der Pluriversalismus – Einheit von materieller Welt und Natur als ein Lebewesen? WAS ist das daraus erwachsende „Gute Leben“-Prinzip? WARUM ist es heute im Zuge der Dekolonisierung wieder aktuell? WORIN verbinden sich Pluriversalismus mit der modernen Astrophysik von Quantenwelt und Multiversum? WO begegnen sich Global Nord/Euro-Zentrismus und Global Süd – WIE könnten Brücken aussehen? Aktuelles Beispiel ist, wie Kogi Indigene aus der karibischen Bergwelt Kolumbiens den Schweizer Umweltschutz und Politik beim Naturmanagement und Renaturierung der Rhône beraten. Text, Link, Video aus der Pressemitteilung (französisch) » „Als Hüter des Wissens der Vorfahren pflegen diese Menschen eine Verbindung zur Natur, die sie als Lebewesen betrachten. Das Verständnis der Dynamik unseres Territoriums ist für dessen Erhaltung und Widerstandsfähigkeit von wesentlicher Bedeutung.“ https://www.lemanbleu.ch/fr/Actualites/Geneve/Une-delegation-kogi-ouvre-le-dialogue-sur-notre-gestion-du-territoire.html: Diese Woche durchquerte eine Delegation der Kogi, eines indigenen kolumbianischen Volkes, die Rhône von ihrer Quelle bis nach Genf. Ziel ihres Besuchs ist es, einen Dialog über unsere Bewirtschaftung des Territoriums und der natürlichen Ressourcen zu eröffnen. Sie wurden heute nachmittag im Palais Eynard empfangen. Der Dialog zwischen dem Volk der Kogi und der Stadt Genf ist eröffnet. Heute Nachmittag empfing Bürgermeister Alfonso Gomez eine Kogi-Delegation im Palais Eynard. Ihr Gouverneur, Arregoces Conchakala, konnte ihre Empfehlung nach einer Woche entlang der Rhône übermitteln. Die Magie der Szene Ein Bild einer Situation aufzustellen, gibt neue Bedeutung und Deutung: Die Magie der Szene kennt jede Bühne in aller Welt: Einen Raum als besonderen besetzen, an dem sich besonderes ereignet, aus der Gegenwart gerissen, als Erzählung alter Zeit oder Probe auf die Wirklichkeit Die Magie der Szene besteht zumindest aus Abstand, Richtung und Haltung der Personen zu einander, oft entsteht in den stellvertretenden Personen sogar ein Satz, der in den Ursprungs-Verhältnissen geläufig war. Jede wiederholbare Aufstellung einer Szene bewirkt im Publikum eine Erinnerung an eigenes Erleben: Solche Szenen in Familie, Schule, Beruf, Betrieb und Einrichtung, in Filmen und anderen Aufstellungen und Theater-Erlebnissen: „Michel Foucault hat die These geprägt, dass nach dem Niedergang einer starken Idee der Geschichte, der „großen Obsession des 19. Jahrhunderts“, „die aktuelle Epoche eher die Epoche des Raumes“ wäre (Foucault 1990, 34). … Wenn sich, wie Foucault nahe legt, zentrale Konflikte der Sozial- und Kulturphilosophie „zwischen den anhänglichen Nachfahren der Zeit und den hartnäckigen Bewohnern des Raumes abspielen“ (Foucault 1990, 34), https://www.academia.edu/10099208/Der_geffnete_Raum_Zur_Politik_der_sthetischen_Form Bewegung im Raum, statt Besitz des Raumes Die Oligarchen des Kapitals zeigen uns, wo sie ihre Zukunft sehen: Außerhalb der Staaten, zwischen den Häfen der Meere und den Flughäfen der Metropolen, auf Luxus-Yachten und in Privatjets, … umgeben von den alten Werken der Kunst, die auf den Märkten zugeliefert werden. **KUNST IST MAGIE, BEFREIT VON DER LÜGE, WAHRHEIT ZU SEIN - T.W ADORNO** Magicversa: Die Welten der Kräfte und Magie in den Kulturen und Regionen der Welt, alles in Schwingungen der Farben, Kunst, Musik und Theater: Zauber im Pluriversum der Kulturen! Heilsame Orte finden

Alles, was bisher als heilig und gemeinschaftlich, als heilsam und öffentlich galt, hat Spuren von einem tieferen Bewusstsein, das uns oft nicht mehr leicht zugänglich ist. Geomantie, das Wissen um die gesunden und kräftigen Orte, um die beste Anordnung von Häusern, Einrichtung und Zuordnung wie Feng Shui, kann in’s Bewusstsein kommen, aber auch in das gemeinschaftliche Unbewusste, in das wir alle kritischen und schwierigen Themen verschieben wollen, wie Krankheiten, Krieg, Streit, Sterben … Aktuell gab es neue Forschungen, die eine gesunde Ausstrahlung viel besuchter Orte und sogar von Friedhöfen nachgewiesen haben, denn unser Biom lebt vom gesunden Austausch, die Depression oft von der Abtrennung.   DIE GEISTER VERSAMMELN 68 Jahre nach Beginn der Zwangsumsiedlungen am 9. Februar 1955: Gathering the Ghosts ist das diesjährige Thema des Sophiatown Arts Festival, einem einzigartigen, von der Community kuratierten Festival – veranstaltet im Sophiatown „The Mix“ 10. – 12. Februar 2023 Für 2023 bitten wir alle unsere Mitwirkenden, sich mit den Ghosts of Sophiatown zu verbinden, ihnen zuzuhören und gemeinsam etwas zu erschaffen. Begleiten Sie uns, während wir uns mit der Schönheit dieses einzigartigen Vororts, seinem Jazz, seiner Literatur und seinem Stil auseinandersetzen, um aktuelle Themen rund um Ausgrenzung, Zugang und Chancen zu verdeutlichen. Das jährliche Sophiatown Arts Festival ist für alle kostenlos. An drei Tagen werden wir mit Ihnen präsent sein: Ausstellungen, Konzerte, Kinderworkshops, Dokumentarfilme, Vintage-Modenschauen und mehr. Und es geht nicht nur darum, drei Tage lang in einer Gemeinschaft mit Geistern zu sein: Es geht darum, eine Gemeinschaft für die Zukunft aufzubauen. Trevor Huddleston Memorial Center 73 Toby Street und verschiedene Standorte im Vorort Sophiatown, Johannesburg, Südafrika. Read the full article

[l4mplight]

I have even seen people suggest that Miquella is some sort of predator towards Radahn, which feels pretty gross, regardless of whether you believe Radahn was on board with his soul being used or not. All of Miquella’s characterization points towards him being a child with a naive and idealistic vision for the world who thinks he is responsible for fixing everything his mother broke. I think he does become more cold and pragmatic as he abandons bits of his humanity, but this is indicative of the sort of person he has been driven to feel like he must become, rather than some dark flaw in his nature all along. His power of charm seems to be symbolic for his innocence, compelling people to protect him, as well how genuinely good his age of compassion sounds on the surface. It sounds like a utopia, but it falls apart when you realize that the new world order would be programmed by an eight year old with severe trauma and a martyr complex (and that godhood is a prison you shouldn’t want him to have to endure, but y’know).

I think the idea of Miquella as some sort of sexual manipulator is indicative of some latent homophobia amongst the souls community. I am put off by how gleeful many fans seem to be, now that it is funny and acceptable to call the effeminate and potentially queer kid a predator. They looove throwing around the word twink like a slur they’re allowed to say because it’s funny apparently. Biggest red flag in the souls community rn fr.

TW: talks about SA ahead.

The blatant victim blaming that is being done to Miquella since the DLC came out…

Miquella has done many, many things wrong, and I actually consider him a morally grey character who would do anything to reach his goals, even at his own expense. But that doesn't mean we should erase what Elden Ring clearly tells you about his relationship with Mohg, and that is that it was non-consensual.

Sharing bedchambers, living in Miquella's blood. You only need to read between the lines to know that it refers to sexual abuse.

And if we talk about charm: are we really going to think that Miquella charmed Mohg to SA himself? You can believe what you want, but that doesn't make sense, especially because Mohg is the only one who feels sexual desire for Miquella. The charm does NOT elicit lust or love, it elicits a feeling of protectiveness. The rest of the work was done by Mohg's feelings.

The sudden hatred that has appeared in the fandom for Miquella "Griffith" (no) and the need to set Mohg up as an innocent being who did nothing wrong —despite clear references to sexual abuse and also Mohg having a fucking blood cult— seems horrible to me.

Liking a character who is a creep is not a bad thing. I like a lot of them. But erasing just what makes that character is the worst thing you can do— it's literally watering it down to nothing.

[scrambled-eggsed]

1 + 2 for one of your WIPs?

1 - give short descriptions of all your current WIPs

Ahhhhhhh this might get slightly long so sorry in advance [I apologize for NOTHING]. They dont really have names so this is gonna be fun to keep track of

There's one that's basically almost autobiographical lmfao, where a genderqueer lesbian teenager is figuring himself out. It's really self indulgent bc the two main characters are the nb girl and her teacher, and they get p close, and the teen in basically in love with their best friend (romantically? Platonically? Who can say [=maybe I'll decide when i figure out my own feelings about my friend]), and her story mirrors the story of the teacher, who is in a qpr with another woman. Basically it's self indulgence about how i need a dependable adult figure in my life. I'm gonna move on to the rest cuz they're not nearly as depressing as this

Space pirates - i still haven't worked out everything but I'm thinking of maybe doing two parallel stories, where basically one group of overworked workers on a spaceship are considering a mutiny so as they're planning the thing they're telling the story of the first space pirate crew from earth to overthrow the captain of the spaceship and take command for themselves, and how they oparated and how those supposedly legendary people were actually just people. Like they have the auras of greek heros but all the stories people tell about them are actually about tenderness and care and the simple goodness of humanity

WITCHES - I'm still tryna figure out a plot that isn't entirely a The Owl House rip-off, but basically the world is where magic is fundamentally about a connection w nature. And not everyone has that connection and that's okay bc nature can't provide everything so there are essentially two coexisting societies with ties that benefit everyone (it's a utopia - witches basically have "shifts" in the fields to grow an infinite amount of food, and the non-witches give them essential products). When it comes to characters, the main character is a girl who comes from a non-witch family and basically Has The Connection With Nature (which is not uncommon) but her family is relatively conservative so she gets a lot of Looks and mild disapproval from them (yah this is basically a queer metaphor). And basically she goes to live with an old lesbian witch couple at the parallel witch town. And I'm thinking maybe the witchs' son will be a non-witch and will go live with the girl's family (thats also a queer metaphor although i haven't figued exactly how. Anyway he's gay. The witch girl is also gay)? Basically Found Family Shenanigans. But it's not exactly a plot yet

Magic World™ - i have a few ideas for stories in this world (maybe I'll just write a bunch of short stories? I dunno) but i really like this world!! Basically magic is entirely about curiosity and kindness. The world will literally sense your intentions and will not let you do anything Evil with magic. And there's this whole thing where if you become evil out of good intentions the world will not let you pass it on to anyone. So if you don't redeem yourself, the world will not let you have kids (as in, adoption basically - there's no biological reproduction [i started thinking about this when i was twelve okay]. If you want a kid, the world will sense that. And when the infallible world will sense that you're ready, you will just wake up one morning and there'll be a fucken baby outside). So every idea for a story i have in that world is basically about villians redemption arcs but fun ig? Listing all of them would genuinely take forever so im Not Gonna Do That Here. Also the way i explained the world is a bit rudimentary and there's more depth to it but it's hard to explain without a plot lmao

Seedbombing gone wrong - this is my most recent one i think. Basically a bunch of kids try to do seedbombing at school bc the school cut down a beloved tree and then there are So Many Flowers Just Everywhere bc the ground was Magical. Also one of the teacher is a witch/fairy and will explain shit to the kids. Idk i haven't thought a lot about this one but it's a fun idea for the future

My fucking god that was so long. Goddamn

2 - give short descriptions of the main character from one of your WIP

Well fortunately for those of you who decided to read this far i dont exactly have many fleshed out ideas for main characters. The only one from a story where the main character isn't literally me that i know what they're gonna be like is the captain of the legendary original space pirate spaceship from the space pirates story. Basically I'm imagining her like Lovelace from wolf 359 (a combination of her pre and after trauma. Also I'm only about halfway through the podcast so no spoilers) - so generally a fun person and cares deeply for her crew, but feels like everyone's fate rests on her shoulders and is dealing with So Much. Oh if the question was about physical description then idk really? I just know that she's gonna be a woc (it makes so much sense for the worldbuilding but i could talk about that for hours. In the same vein, she was also in prison at some point. Bc the system discriminates heavily and deliberately against people who were in prison. Again i could talk about that for so long lmao). Also she's gonna have a romantic arc with the ship's appointed doctor bc Tenderness and h/c. Cuz basically she needs to learn to let herself rest and what better way to do that than the cliché of a loved one pulling the doctor card on her

That got WAYYYYYYYY longer than i expected so sorry lmfao (fr tho i apologize for nothing)

[newyorktheater]

Chita Rivera and Fred Ebb

Chita Rivera and Liza Minnelli rehearse for the musical The Rink also with the musical’s songwriters John Kander and Fred Ebb.

Kander and Ebb

Joel Grey in Cabaret

Liza in “The Act”

Lauren Bacall in Woman of the Year

Robert Goulet in The Happy Time

Jerry Orbach in Chicago

Gwen Verdon as Roxie Hart & Chita Rivera as Velma Kelly in scene fr. the original Broadway production of the musical “Chicago.” (New York), 1975. Fosse directed, choreographed and wrote the book.

Anthony Quinn in Zorba

Cabaret

Brandon Victor Dixon in The Scottsboro Boys Off-Broadway by Kander and Ebb

The Visit, with a book by Terrence McNally, a score by Kander and Ebb

Frank Sinatra singing “New York, New York”

Joel Grey, Fred Ebb, Chita Rivera, Bebe Neuwirth

Fred Ebb

Although Fred Ebb is best known for partnering with composer John Kander on “Cabaret” and “Chicago,” Kander and Ebb together created some two dozen Broadway musicals and musical revues, from 1964 until Ebb’s death in 2004 – and beyond, since several of their collaborations debuted on stage posthumously.

Here is Ebb singing one of their most popular songs “All That Jazz” from “Chicago,” with Kander on the piano. Since Ebb was a lyricist, the lyrics will follow many of the videos below.

Come on, babe Why don’t we paint the town? And all that jazzI’m gonna rouge my knees And roll my stockings down And all that jazzStart the car I know a whoopee spot Where the gin is cold But the piano’s hot!It’s just a noisy hall Where there’s a nightly brawl And all that jazz And all that jazz

Slick your hair and wear your buckle shoes And all that jazzI hear that Father Dip Is gonna blow the blues And all that jazz,Hold on, hon’ We’re gonna bunny hug I bought some aspirin Down at United DrugIn case you shake apart And wanna brand new start To do that- jazz!Find a flask We’re playing fast and loose And all that jazz

Right up here Is where I store the juice And all that jazzCome on, babe We’re gonna brush the sky I betcha Lucky Lindy never flew so high’Cause in the stratosphere How could he lend an ear To all that jazz?

Oh, you’re gonna see your Sheba shimmy shake And all that jazz

Oh, she’s gonna shimmy Till her garters break And all that jazz

Show her where to park her girdle Oh, her mother’s blood’d curdle (If she’d hear her baby queer) For all that jazz

Come on, babe Why don’t we paint the town? And all that jazz (And all that jazz)

I’m gonna rouge my knees And roll my stockings down And all that jazz (And all that jazz)

Start the car I know a whoopee spot Where the gin is cold But the piano’s hot! It’s just a noisy hall Where there’s a nightly brawl And all that jazz

No, I’m no one’s wife But, oh, I love my life And all that jazz That jazz

Flora The Red Menace, 1965

Nineteen-year-old Liza Minnelli sings “Sing Happy”

Sing me a Happy song about Robins in spring Sing me a happy song with a happy ending. Some cheerful rondelet about catching the ring Sing Happy

Sing me a sonnett all about rolling in gold Some peppy melody about rainbows blending Nothing with phrases saying you’re out in the cold Sing Happy

Tell me tomorrow’s gonna be peaches and cream Assure me clouds are lined with a silver lining Say how you’ve realized an impossible dream Sing me a happy song

Play me a madrigal about trips to the moon Or some old ballad about two eyes shining It can’t be loud enough or a moment too soon Sing Happy

No need reminding me that it all fell apart I need no lyrics singing of stormy weather There’s quite enough around me that’s breaking my heart Sing Happy

Give me a hallelujah and get up and shout Tell me the sun is shining around the corner Whoever’s interested helping me out Please keep it happy.

I’m only in the market for long loud laughter I’ll let you serenade me till dawn comes along Just make it a happy Keep it a happy song.

Cabaret, 1966

“Cabaret” won the Tony Awards for best musical and best score — the first of three shows for which Kander and Ebb won Tonys. Twelve of their shows were nominated for best score.

Jill Haworth, the original Sally Bowles, sings the title song

What good is sitting alone in your room? Come hear the music play. Life is a Cabaret, old chum, Come to the Cabaret.

Put down the knitting, The book and the broom. Time for a holiday. Life is Cabaret, old chum, Come to the Cabaret.

Come taste the wine, Come hear the band. Come blow your horn, Start celebrating; Right this way, Your table’s waiting

No use permitting soem prophet of doom To wipe every smile away. Come hear the music play. Life is a Cabaret, old chum, Come to the Cabaret!

I used to have a girlfriend known as Elsie With whom I shared Four sordid rooms in Chelsea

She wasn’t what you’d call A blushing flower… As a matter of fact She rented by the hour.

The day she died the neighbors came to snicker: “Well, thats what comes from to much pills and liquor.”

But when I saw her laid out like a Queen She was the happiest… corpse… I’d ever seen.

I think of Elsie to this very day. I’d remember how’d she turn to me and say: “What good is sitting alone in your room? Come hear the music play. Life is a Cabaret, old chum, Come to the Cabaret.”

And as for me, I made up my mind back in Chelsea, When I go, I’m going like Elsie.

Start by admitting From cradle to tomb Isn’t that long a stay. Life is a Cabaret, old chum, Only a Cabaret, old chum, And I love a Cabaret!

The Happy Time, 1968

Robert Goulet sings the title song

Remember the Christmas morning long ago, The frosted glass, the dancing snow, The Happy Time Remember the painted horse, the carousel. The chocolate kiss, the caramel, The Happy Time. Remember the pale pink sky, Your first Easter Hat. And if you should ask me why The reason I ask you this is that I want to remember you remembering The Happy Time. 2. Remember the day you found the dollar bill, Or roller skating down the hill, The Happy Time. Remember the compliment you once received/ The lie you told they all believed. The Happy Time Remember your first school play, the sound of applause. Why do I go on this way?

70 girls 70, 1971

Mandy Pantinkin sings “Coffee in a Cardboard Cup” from the musical (he was not in the Broadway cast.)

The trouble with the world today it seems to me Is coffee in a cardboard cup The trouble with the affluent society Is coffee in a cardboard cup

No one’s ever casual and nonchalant No one wastes a minute in a restaurant No one wants a waitress passing pleasantries Like “Hiya miss” “Hiya sir” “May I take your order please”

The trouble with the world today is plain to see Is everything is hurry up It’s “rush it through” “Don’t be slow” “BLT on rye to go” And coffee I think she said ‘coffee’ I know she said ‘coffee In a cardboard cup’

The trouble with the helter skelter life we lead Is coffee in a cardboard cup The trouble the psychologists have all agreed Is coffee in a cardboard cup

Tell me what could possibly be drearier Than seaboard from the Belnord cafeteria Seems to me a gentleman would much prefer An “afternoon, how you been Would you like the special sir?”

The trouble with the world today is plain to se Is everything is hurry up There’s Reddi Whip Instant tea Minute rice and my oh me There’s coffee I think she said ‘coffee’ I know she said ‘coffee In a cardboard cup’

The trouble with the world today beyond a doubt Is coffee in a cardboard cup The trouble is the way we like to take things out Like coffee in a cardboard cup

No one knows the meaning of utopia Is dining at your coner cornucopia Seems to me we wouldn’t be such nervous wrecks With ‘hello there, be right back Would you care for separate checks’

The trouble with the world today is plain to see Is everything is hurry up It’s all become Looney Tunes With sugar packs and plastic spoons And coffee I think she said ‘coffee’ I know she said ‘coffee’ I’m sure she said ‘coffee In a cardboard cup’

(spoken): “Hurry up!”

Chicago, 1975

Jerry Orbach sings “Razzle Dazzle.” (The last minute or so is an interview with cast members)

Give ’em the old razzle dazzle Razzle Dazzle ’em Give ’em an act with lots of flash in it And the reaction will be passionate Give ’em the old hocus pocus Bead and feather ’em How can they see with sequins in their eyes? What if your hinges all are rusting? What if, in fact, you’re just disgusting? Razzle dazzle ’em And they;ll never catch wise! Give ’em the old Razzle Dazzle Razzle dazzle ’em Give ’em a show that’s so splendiferous Row after row will crow vociferous Give ’em the old flim flam flummox Fool and fracture ’em How can they hear the truth above the roar? Throw ’em a fake and a finagle They’ll never know you’re just a bagel, Razzle dazzle ’em And they’ll beg you for more! Give ’em the old double whammy Daze and dizzy ’em Back since the days of old…

Chita Rivera and Gwen Verdon sing “Nowadays”

The Act, 1978

Liza Minnelli and company sing “City Lights” at the Tonys

The little old lady sat on the porch of the farm-house. The little old lady rocked back and forth and crocheted. “Oh, listen to the cricket, look at the rooster, smell the hay,” I told her. “And see the pretty little egg that the hen just laid.” The little old lady took off her glasses and squinted. And how she responded literally had me floored. She said: “I’m glad to meet someone who appreciates the beauty that nature initiates. It’s sweet to hear, but me, my dear, I’m truly bored. I miss those city lights, those sparkling city lights, those twinkling city lights blurring my eyes. I love those city lights, the color of city sights that shine under city lights tinting the skies. New mown hay gives me hay fever. There’s the rooster, where’s my cleaver? So laid back, my mind might crack, and when the thresher’s up my pressure’s up. City lights, oh, I long for those city lights, the bulbs of those beaming brights beckoning me there. Be there. Take the crickets and go shove ’em, urban crises, how I love ’em! Grime and grit and pretty city lights. Walking lanes to pick a daisy, that could drive a person crazy. Home-made bread lies here like lead, and Polly’s peach preserves– oh, please, my nerves! City lights, how I long for those city lights, the bulbs of those beaming brights beckoning me there. Be there. Sties and stables sure are smelly, let me sniff some Kosher deli, brightly lit by pretty city lights. Pluck your lillies of the valley, let me sally up some alley dimly lit by pretty city lights. Country air means zilch to me, I won’t breathe nothing I can’t see. So let me quit and hit those pretty city lights. Hit them city lights! Love them city lights! Fairs and socials ain’t no pluses, I saw more on cross-town buses brightly lit by pretty city lights. Hold that udder and churn that butter, me, I’d rather shoot some gutter dimly lit by pretty city lights. Slop those sows, go on and fill your pails, Honey, just let me plant my buns down in Bloomingdale’s. Yes, let me quit and hit those pretty city lights. Love them city lights!

Woman of the Year, 1981

The second show to result in a Tony Award for best score. Lauren Bacall sings “I Wrote The Book”

The kicker: So when it comes to losing a man, you’ll find it unsurprisingly true. That last week I wrote that book, too.

Zorba, 1983

Norm Lewis (not from the original cast) sings “Life Is” at the March 2010 Vineyard Theater gala honoring John Kander!

Life is a glass of rum! No! Life is a sip of sage! No! Life is the taste of raki flowing warmly from the cup!

Shut up!

Life is a walnut leaf! No! Life is an olive tree! No! Life is a scented melon-breasted woman when her lips are red and full… No! Life is a barbered, planted orchard and two lovers passing by it!

Life is my fist in your face if you don’t keep quiet! What did you say? I said, “Life is my fist in your face if you don’t keep quiet!” Oh? Oh? Oh! Oh!

Wait. Listen to me. I will tell you.

Life is what you do while you’re waiting to die, Life is how the time goes by! Life is where you wait while you’re waiting to leave, Life is where where you grin and grieve!

Having if lucky, wanting if not, Looking for the ruby underneath the rot, Hungry for the pilaf in someone else’s pot, But that’s the only choice you’ve got!

Life is where you stand just before you are flat! Life is only that, mister, Life is simply that, mister, That and nothing more than that!

Life is what you feel, ‘Til you can’t feel at all, Life is where you fly and fall!

Running for shelter, naked in the snow Learning that the tear drops any where you go Finding its the mud that makes the roses grow That’s the only choice you know!

Wait! Once again…

Life is what you do while you’re waiting to die… This is how the time goes by!

The Rink, 1984

Chita Rivera and Liza Minnelli sing “Don’t ‘Ah Ma” Me” This is not a high-quality video, but I choose it because the lyrics show off Ebb’s skill at a theatrical song (with aid, no doubt, by book writer Terrence McNally)

[ANGEL, spoken] Oh I’ve got a lot of things to tell you Ma

[ANNA, spoken] How long was it this time Angel? Seven years?

[ANGEL, spoken] Ah Ma!

[ANNA, spoken] Basta! Finito! We’re closed! I’m finished!

[ANGEL, spoken] Ah Ma!

[ANNA] If the earth had opened up If it swallowed me inside Would my baby darling girl even realise I’d died? You were sitting on hill With some yippee on your lap Talking love and life and art and that transcendental crap With the dope I’m sure you smoked And a healthy dose of coke up your nose

[ANGEL] Ah Ma!

[ANNA] Up your nose!

[ANGEL] Ah Ma!

[ANNA] And for all you ever knew I was hustling for the rent ‘Cause you only call collect maybe every other lent While I’m bleeding in the street from some maniacs attack You’re in some Ramada Inn seeking wisdom on your back Making kibble of your brain An emancipated pain in the ass

[ANGEL] Ah Ma!

[ANNA] In the ass!

[ANGEL] Ah Ma!

[ANNA] And don’t ah Ma me! You said you had to find yourself so find yourself some other place And don’t ah Ma me! I don’t need you around to help me complicate my life

And if you really gave a damn You’d have never stayed away When you break a mother’s heart does it make a Guru’s day? But you’re nearly thirty now And you’r panicked and upset So you walk back in the door And expect me to forget Welcome home, my little pig! Boy you’ve really got a big set of balls

[ANGEL] Ah Ma!

[ANNA] Oh some balls!

[ANGEL] Ah Ma!

[ANNA] And don’t ah Ma me! You said you had to find yourself so find yourself some other place And don’t ah Ma me! I don’t need you around to help me complicate my life, capisce? And don’t ah Ma me! The sign on the apartment doesn’t say Salvation Army does it? Don’t ah Ma me! I’ve heard it all your life and I don’t need to hear it now

[ANGEL] Ah Ma! It’s like it was before I just walked through the door! And right away you start to fight and curse

[ANNA, spoken] That’s bullshit

[ANGEL] Ma! I thought there’d be some tears

[ANNA, spoken] Tears?!

[ANGEL] And after all these years You might have mellowed some But Jesus was I dumb

[ANNA] So you thought I might be calm? Maybe jolly you along? Well believe me I’m not calm And believe me you were wrong Should the sound of your hello Be like music to me years When I haven’t seen your face in, what is it, seven years? So you walk back in my life Should I really bless my luck? That’s an outfit you could wear on a sanitation truck “Have a daughter” I was told “They’re a blessing when you’re old” Ah Stugatz!

[ANGEL] Ah Ma!

[ANNA] Stugatz!

[ANGEL] Ah Ma!

[ANNA] Enough

[ANGEL] Ah Ma!

[ANNA] That’s it

[ANGEL] Ah Ma!

[ANNA] Shut up. I quit

[ANGEL] Ah Maaaaaaaaaaa!

[ANNA] Now I’ve got a good thing going And I don’t need you to hex it Did you notice where you entered You can also make an exit? So go out and find a husband Don’t try to be a whore I am sick and tired of your ah Ma!

[ANGEL] Ah Ma!

[ANNA] Shush!

Cabaret, 1988 revival

Liza and Joel Grey sing “Money.” This is actually from the 1972 movie, but I had to fit in somewhere

Kiss of the Spider Woman, 1993

The show won Kander and Ebb a third Tony for best score. Chita Rivera sings the title song

Spider Woman: Sooner or later You’re certain to meet In the bedroom, the parlor or even the street There’s no place on earth You’re likely to miss Her kiss Sooner or later In sunlight or gloom When the red candles flicker She’ll walk in the room And the curtains will shake and the fire will hiss Here comes her kiss And the moon grows dimmer At the tide’s low ebb And her black beads shimmer And you’re aching to move But you’re caught in the web Of the Spider Woman In her velvet cape You can scream But you cannot escape Sooner or later your love will arrive And she touches your heart You’re alert and alive But there’s only one pin That can puncture such bliss Her kiss Sooner or later you bathe in success And your minions salute They say nothing but “YES” But your power is empty It fades like the mist Once you’ve been kissed And the moon grows dimmer At the tide’s low ebb And your breath comes faster And you’re aching to move But you’re caught in the web Of the Spider Woman In her velvet cape You can run You can scream You can hide But you cannot escape!

Charles Pistone sings The Day After That (he was not in the original cast)

Valentin: It was made out of mud And pieces of tin And boxes nailed together Cardboard boxes My castle

My home And we slept on the floor My sister and I With gunny sacks for our pillows Coughing, hungry, cosy My home And every Sunday on our knees We would thank the Lord For his bountiful blessings And our mother poured soup Into little cracked bowls As she spoke of something better Beef steak, maybe, someday My home And that lady had eyes That were empty and cold At the ripe old age of thirty Death came Welcome To my home And still that Sunday On our knees How we thanked the Lord For his bountiful blessings And my sister and I Swore the day that we left There’d be no more children like us In the filth there in the heat there. In the smell there And no more Sundays On our knees Would we thank the Lord For his bountiful blessings And we came to the city And begged for our food Then, one April day we heard it Thunder rumbling One man speaking Thousands singing .. Someday we’ll be free I promise you, we’ll be free If not tomorrow Then the day after that And the candles in our hands Will illuminate this land If not tomorrow Then the day after that And the world that gives us pain That fills our lives with fear On the day after that Will disappear And the war we’ve fought to win I promise you, we will win If not tomorrow Then the day after that Or the day after that

Valentin: and families of the disappeared Someday we’ll be free I promise you, we’ll be free If not tomorrow Then (Or) the day after that And the candles in our hands Will illuminate this land If not tomorrow Then the day after that And the world that gives us pain That fills our lives with fear On the day after that Will disappear Will disappear And the war we’ve fought to win I promise you, we will win If not tomorrow Then the day after that Or the day after that Or the day after that Or the day after that Or the day after that Or the day After that

Chicago, 1996 revival

This revival is closing in on its 25th anniversary, and is currently the second longest musical in Broadway history. I feel free to choose songs by singers anytime during its run. So here are Marcia Lewis singing “When You’re Good to Mama,” Brandy Norwood singing “Roxie,” and then Carol Womack singing “When You’re Good to Mama” again.

Steel Pier, 1997

Debra Monk sings “Everybody’s Girl,” a raunchy song that’s one of the few comic moments in a bleak scenario

Shelby A long time ago A lady whose name was Carmen Drove a man wild Until he was out of control

I truly believe That i am a modern day Carmen In spite of the fact I do not habla espa?ol

That girl was exactly like me We share this philosophy Ol?, I say

I’m not the type who’s ready For datin’ someone steady I’m everybody’s girl

On sunday night it’s Danny On monday maybe Manny I’m everybody’s girl

There’s a point to my behavior Which is: Smart girls always share their riches

So, if your heart succumbs Don’t let it You’re certain to regret it All others, come and get it I’m everybody’s girl.

I could never be a cowhand’s

La la la la la la

And you wanna know why?

All: Why?

Shelby: I just can’t keep my calves together.

I’m everybody’s girl Some old Greek called Aristotle Said it If you got it, why not spread it? So don’t go rattling any sabres Exerting any labors Just share me with the neighbors I’m everybody’s girl

In case your passion rages, I’m in the yellow pages I’m… Girl.

You won’t be disappointed I’m also double-jointed I’m everybody’s girl Though it leaves a lot of fellas Cursin’ I’m a person Needs disbursin’

And so to reaffirm my status It’s absolutely gratis To use my apparatus I’m everybody’s girl

Men and me are like pianos. When they Get upright, i feel grand!

Everybody’s girl!

Scottsboro Boys, 2010

Joshua Henry and company sing “Go Back Home,” as they await their unjust fate in prison.

Lyin’ all alone I’m thinkin’ Starin’ at the stars I wonder Since I been away I’m lonely When I’m gonna go back home

Walkin’ through the world Things happen Right before ya eyes Things happen Soon enough you’re lost And thinkin’ When I’m gonna go back home

Oh me oh my Time goes slow Where’s it gone to I don’t know

But maybe times’ll turn I pray so Maybe some day I’ll get lucky Someone’s gonna say Alright son Take the train and go back home Hop a freight and go back home

SPOKE: Hop a freight? I’d walk all the way back to Atlanta if I could. I wouldn’t stop til I got there. No more nightmares. Guards beatin’ me. Teasin’ me. And I’d be home for my birthday too! Now that would be some present.

SUNG: Oh me oh my Time goes slow Where’s it gone to I don’t know

But maybe times’ll turn I pray so Maybe some day I’ll get lucky Someone’s gonna say Alright son Take the train and go back home Hop a freight and go back home

The Visit, 2015

Chita Rivera sings “Love and Love Alone”

Claire When you’re young Feeling oh, so strong what can prove you wrong? Love and love alone When the sun seems forever bright what can dim its light Love and love alone So beware young love lost in a kiss there’s a truth, young love

Simple as this Every fond hello ends in goodbye what seems certain to live will die So enjoy all the time there is if you’re his, be his make each day your own when tomorrows come and your heart is stone what has made it numb? Love and love alone Da da da da da love and love alone

We Can’t Do That Anymore

Frank Sinatra and Gene Kelly Ebb had written this song with Kander for the musical “Wait for Me, World,”” which was never produced. He cleverly repurposed it for the “comeback” TV special he wrote in 1973 for Frank Sinatra

New York, New York

Their most popular song was not written for a Broadway musical, but it would be impossible to omit it. It is written for Liza Minnelli as the title song for the 1977 Martin Scorsese film “New York,New York.” Frank Sinatra is one of its main interpreters

Start spreading the news I am leaving today I want to be a part of it New York, New York

These vagabond shoes Are longing to stray Right through the very heart of it New York, New York

I want to wake up in a city That doesn’t sleep And find I’m king of the hill Top of the heap

These little town blues Are melting away I’ll make a brand new start of it In old New York

If I can make it there I’ll make it anywhere It’s up to you New York, New York

New York, New York I want to wake up in a city That never sleeps And find I’m a number one Top of the list King of the hill A number one

These little town blues All melting away I am gonna make a brand new start of it In old New York

And If I can make it there I’m gonna make it anywhere It’s up to you New York, New York, New York

New York

  That’s the 11 o’clock number, no doubt. But I prefer to end with Liza, and a less iconic song from the same movie, “But The World Goes Round”

Sometimes you’re happy And sometimes you’re sad But the world goes round And sometimes you lose Every nickel you’ve had But the world goes round

Sometimes you’re dreams get broken in pieces But that doesn’t alter a thing Take it from me There’s still gonna be A summer, a winter, a fall, and a spring

And sometimes a friend Starts treating you bad But the world goes round And sometimes your heart breaks With a deafening sound Somebody loses, somebody wins One day it’s kicks Then it’s kicks in the shins But the planet spins And world goes round

But the world goes round But the world goes round

Sometimes your dreams get broken in pieces But that doesn’t matter at all Take it from me There’s still gonna be A summer, a winter, a spring, and a fall

And sometimes a friend Starts treating you bad But the world goes round And sometimes your heart breaks With a deafening sound Somebody loses, and somebody wins Then one day it’s kicks Then it’s kicks in the shins But the planet spins And the world goes round And round and round and round and round The world goes round And round And round And round

F is for Fred Ebb. Broadway Lyricist to the Stars Although Fred Ebb is best known for partnering with composer John Kander on “Cabaret” and “Chicago,” Kander and Ebb together created some two dozen Broadway musicals and musical revues, from 1964 until Ebb’s death in 2004 – and beyond, since several of their collaborations debuted on stage posthumously.

[bi-dykes]

Very true! There wouldn’t be a concept of comphet in the She-Ra universe; everything queer there is socially acceptable. Sigh, a real utopia 😌

Tippen makes such good points. I love that bi perfuma post <3

LMAO the fandom wikia for Poison Ivy said she was lesbian instead of bisexual for MONTHS. Someone finally changed it.

Poison Ivy and Perfuma are the plant powered bisexual queens fr 💝💝💝

SANNNAAAA how are you?

So Perfuma from She-Ra actually ISN’T canonically a lesbian? I read on Perfuma’s wikia page that Nate Stevenson confirmed that Perfuma is a lesbian and not bi, so I googled this confirmation and it’s just that Nate Stevenson liked a tweet calling Perfuma a lesbian. Could’ve been just liking a tweet acknowledging she’s sapphic and wlw, could’ve hit the heart by mistake, could’ve approved that headcannon just as a headcannon. But at the end of the day, Perfuma might’ve genuinely liked Bow, or might’ve just had comphet, and the viewers can decide. She’s canonically sapphic, unspecified whether she’s bi or lesbian, which is going to drive some fans INSANE and she’s getting the Princess Bubblegum treatment.

So I read this excellent post by Tippen:

https://www.tumblr.com/tippenfunkaport/711523127589535744/she-ra-is-bad-bisexual-rep-because-all-the-bipan

And yeah I personally headcannon Perfuma as bi, if it isn’t outright canon :)

Sigh. It’s always the ones with the plant powers that the fandom decides are canon lesbians, isn’t it?

Hello gonum :)

I always thought she was bi. She is bisexual to me. And in canon too I might say because do you really think a heavy lgbt topic like comphet exists in she ra world? The world where being queer isn't questioned or shunned? I highly doubt it exists. Tippen makes good points.

And Fandom wiki is filled with misinformation. I hate it.

Hah I know right? Anyway Poison Ivy and Perfuma bisexual queens 🩷💜💙

[thelastangryman-blog]

A  Tall Tale of the Twin Towers in Four Parts

1.       Remember, Remember November Ninth, 2001

The early naughties was a weird time. We were sick of the 90s EXTREME! We were content with being told who and what was now cool. Then one of those ‘where were you’ days happened. Why has this number not come close to being matched since?

·         London: 52

·         Bali: 202

·         Madrid: 191

·         9/11: 2996

They were certainly strange times where anything could have happened but not much did. Despite what we were promised.

I was more entertained by the absolute ridiculous contrast of the character: Yosemite Bin Liner. He could train his agents of doom; supply them with the necessary documents and passports; infiltrate them into flight training schools. Co-ordinate all the hijackers; bypass airport security and carry out one of the most shocking acts of terror ever committed. But he had to make tapes and hoped they’d be found in a series of winding caves in his secret layer; that would put a Bond villain to shame. How about no.

What, he couldn’t email a link to AJ? I’d like to think there’s a bag somewhere with a horde of outtakes and bloopers. You’ve Been Jihad’d. See, this is why ISIS use Twitter and ISIL’s on Instagram; easier, convenient. Instant. Though, makes you wonder why these Machiavellian masterminds don’t just use the postal service. Honestly that’s about the safest and securest way to communicate these days.

And I remember, quite well, one of these Exclusive Terror Tapes. The whole world watched, glued to the tube; engrossed as the breaded bollocks bragged ‘bout the towers collapsing then broke the 4th wall with a wink and warned of the impending Jihad he’d rein down upon us. *SPOILERS* And where are they now; al-Qaida? All washed up. The roguish bad boy racket; yeah that shit gets old. Exit stage left with a splash.

Which begs the question, Bosco, why even tell us your grand plan? Wouldn’t it be more frightening if we knew nothing? Constantly living in an Islamic State of fear.

 2.       “9/11 was an Inside Job.”

Then the Feds should have no problem in solving the case. Just cross-reference the workers and see who has links to al-Qaida. Isn’t that what that term means: insider information was used, passed on to aid in the crime? So I wonder who it was that left the key under the mat for dear old Bin Liner to happen upon. 

I find it hard to believe no one has ever thought; for the fallen and the flag that God himself bestowed upon us: which gives us the right to go and find his body; salvage it. Bring it on tour “5 bucks to spit on the body of Bin Laden.”  Oh, out of respect for Islam and the Muslim race...hang on I’ve Je Suis on the other line. She says… ‘Fuck off, you commie queer.’  It’s more poetic in French.

So then ISIS made their debut with a twist. This season; there’s no proper antagonist. I’m not including the position of Jihad John, that’s just their Twitter account manager. With no face to tape to dart boards, who could it be? “Is that him?” “No, wait. That’s him; I think.” It’s all so vague and intriguing. Why better for ratings, my deer.

We see them training, in snippets of videos: doing jumping jacks in the desert. They can attack at anytime. It’s like when we were all afraid of the colour red. LOL. Can jet fuel melt steel beams? I don’t know, my area of expertise is pulling the piss out of vegans and daggin’. I just find it hard to believe vibrations, debris and office fires – hours later – brought down Building 7.

 3.       Alternative Ending

Osama Bin Laden was a hero for some. A role model even. And George Washington is no different; his supports are the other side of that spectrum. Both men by now, reduced to mere myths. But back to reality.

Old Yosemite had a dream. A plan. To put the fear of his God into these pig-dog enfilades for the decades of bloodshed: time to make them pay. Good job he was the chosen one; he was highly trained and financed.

Now remember kids, this was in a time before airport security became the parody we know today. Before watch-lists, Homeland Security and all this digital surveillance jazz.  And as it turned out old Bin Liner’d no problem getting his radicalised radicals into the Land of the Free.

And planes were the best he could come up with?

Instead of planes, why not a bomb in every state (Just mainland). That’s on average 62 deaths per state. And I don’t mean capitol cities, secondary or minor ones. I’m talking Hicksville, middle of Nowhere. A mom & pops store. The local diner where 62 honest-to-God-fearin’ people were enjoying an honest meal (Insert Product placement).  Boom. All 48 detonate simultaneously ripping the soul out of Nowhere.

Happy 4th of Jihad.

Ah, don’t be stupid; where’d Bin Liner get 48 bombs from? 

The garden centre, hardware store and supermarket.

MacGyver, The A-Team and years of CSI: you can do a lot with a handful of everyday items. Hell, they didn’t even need to go off. As long as it was viable and crude. Cruder the better; barbaric if you can. Doesn’t matter the size; the News’ll always tart it up with spectacularly render 3D virtual reality segments: interactive; download the app to see for yourself.

It’s not the effects but the affect.

The fact that these dirty, filthy savages managed to penetrate so far undetected; infiltrate to the very spine, crawl into the foundation with such ease and plant their bombs right in the heart; at such a local level... No. The reason why that never and will ever happen – despite all the promises and tweets – is because that sort of panic causes a stampede. And speaking from personal experience: once cattle are spooked you’ve no control of the situation.

And that’s why it has to metropolitan cities – the disconnect. The ripples. “Did you hear; the Muslims” Eyes start to narrow, a bit more. Then words like them and we are heard more. The wind picks up and every sort of cuntin’ flag comes out completely blocking your view. T-shirts get printed that read:

FIND THEM

PINPOINT THEM

NUKE THEM

4.       P.C.S

“There was never a golden age of man. We’ve always been shitty to one another.” Jake, TBR.

Was it naïve of me to expect too much? Instead of an almighty Jihad we were treated to phoned-in performances. Reminders; notifications:

“Hey, don’t forget, we’re still here. We’re not going to do anything, other than this. Even though we’re portrayed as being capable of worse. Don’t forget to subscribe. Donate to our Patreon.  Buy our T-shirts.”

And a plethora of rebranding. Ah, I suppose this is why things should never be hyped they’ll never live up. And no; we wouldn’t have a Utopia if these shady characters were gone. Not at all.

All I ask, going forward: entertain or challenge me but please don’t pander; that’s Marvel’s job. If these stale flash-mob-pop-up-performance-instillation pieces are to continue just make it believable because this passport trope is getting real old, son.

That’s not something you normally carry with you. You leave that somewhere safe until you need it but by then you forget where you left it and can’t find the bloody thing. And em, terror attacks/suicide bombing not really one of those times you need your passport: considering you’ve an army of social media bots that’ll claim responsibility for a fart.

I’ve pied-piper’d enough cattle and sheep to know they may be dumb, delicious animals but even they get wide to that shit.

Here’s a freebie.

Using FRS we were able to identify (Insert scary name).  Seen here at a refugee centre. (Oh! That means Islam. Let me get my flag) Piecing together the various texts/snapchats he then made his way to (SET) and we see him *or preferred pronoun* here entering (STAGE).

Keep it simple.

Again, I’m left wondering why these evil geniuses don’t go off-grid, be creative. Sure, things would be more complicated and real-time ‘exclusives’ go out the window. Though, would that be fair on our brave digital men and woman and their oxymoronically alphabetical Agencies? Could they cope, adapt to such a shift. All’s fair in love and Jihad.

But never in the middle of Nowhere.