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the-sympathetic-villain · 4 years ago

Text

New Labels

AO3

Pairings: QPR Lociet

Warnings: Light insecurity/Anxiety

Word count: 3,989

Description: Logan and Janus rescue a kitten on their first date :)

[Reposting this for better formatting on my writing masterpost]

gosh part of me wants to revisit this AU lol

“Well…I guess I'll see you later.”

“I would assume so. You do tend to frequent my place of employment rather consistently.”

Ouch.

Janus tried to hide his hurt as he smiled crookedly up at the cute barista that he'd only recently managed to work up the courage to ask out on a date. A crack of thunder rolled across the sky above them, and Janus watched as Logan pulled down the hood of his raincoat.

Crappy weather for a date.

Despite Logan's constant reassurances that he enjoyed the rain, Janus couldn’t help but feel that their date had been doomed from the start. He sighed and smiled. If he was being honest with himself, things could have gone worse. He knew he'd loved every minute of their afternoon together and he only hoped Logan felt the same. They’d had lunch at a quiet little bistro downtown that Logan had recommended and after they’d ran through the pouring rain down the block to one of Logan's favorite bookstores. A warm smile spread across Janus' at the fresh memory of following Logan through the aisles listening to him talk endlessly about all of his favorite authors. Logan could go on for hours and Janus was all too eager to listen. The way his face lit up when he was excited was too pure and perfect. He was perfect. Logan had even inquired about Janus’ reading preferences and picked out some novels for him to read so they could discuss them later.

Guess that doesn’t mean much though, if there's not going to be a second date.

Janus swallowed sadly. The date really had been perfect.

Why did I have to get invested?

He'd been debating about asking for him for months. Janus knew his schedule at the coffee shop by heart at this point. They’d been taking for nearly a year and his best friend had talked him into at least asking him out.

I'm going to kill Ro—

“I have some concerns about your caffeine intake. Continued reliance on stimulants can affect your mood and sleep patterns.” Logan absentmindedly pulled his keys from his pocket and worked through the keys to find the right one. Janus felt his heart skip a beat as Logan tilted his head up to smirk at him. “Then again, if it weren't for your dependence on caffeine, I would see you much less and that would be truly disappointing."

Janus stifled a squeak of surprise as flash of lightning illuminated Logan's porch. He played it cool, hoping the lightning had distracted Logan from the almost certainly undignified face he'd made at Logan's words. With a devilish smile, he took a step closer to Logan as thunder rumbled around them. “I definitely would never put my heath at risk in order to see you more often.”

This time it was Logan's turn to blush and Janus couldn't help the smile that quirked on his lips at the sight.

Logan cleared his throat, and fumbled with his keys. Janus raised an eyebrow. He seemed to be stalling, even as he moved to leave. “Well, umm. Yes. I suppose we should part ways for the night.”

Oh god. He wants me to kiss him.

A slight shiver ran up Janus' spine at the thought and his smile faltered for a moment. It wasn’t that Logan was an unattractive person. Quite the opposite actually. Janus often caught himself staring at Logan whenever he wasn't careful. Janus swallowed nervously. Logan wasn’t the problem. Aesthetically, he was very attractive. Janus just didn't wasn't the type for romantic attraction, or sexual really, but he'd always been more repulsed by romantic gestures than anything.

The hand-holding, sappy, over-the-top displays of affection that everyone in the world seemed to enjoy made his stomach turn. Kissing most of all confounded him. Why people seemed to enjoy trying to swallow each other’s tongues, he'd never know.

But they do and I don't. I guess it’s better to rip off the band-aid now and tell him I'm aromantic. It's better to see if he can live with that before this goes too far.

Janus swallowed nervously. Rejection was never easy, and he wasn't sure he could handle it coming from the barista who he'd seen nearly every day for the last year.

God, I'm never going to be able to get a decent cup of coffee again.

“Listen, Logan—” He started nervously.

Mew.

Janus stopped, seeing the confused expression on Logan's face. “Do you have a cat?”

Logan shook his head, glancing around the porch. “I do not.”

“It's pouring rain right now.” Janus glanced around at the puddles of water pooling in the shallow dips in Logan's yard.

Mewww.

The cat's call was longer this time and was almost shrill with fear.

“Perhaps, we should locate this cat. It appears to be distressed and combination of rain and wind could pose potential danger for a small animal.” Janus could see the worry growing in Logan’s eyes, and he nodded, following behind Logan as he stepped off the porch to follow the noise.

Mewwww.

The calls were getting louder and more insistent as they approached the far side of the deck and peered through the cross hatch underneath.

Mewwww.

Janus eyes adjusted quickly to the darkness under the deck and he could just make out a small, black kitten cowering in the shadows.

“It's young,” Logan looked over at Janus with a serious expression. “Barely old enough to be weaned. It must have squeezed through the gaps in the wood and gotten stuck.”

Janus nodded. “Well, since I'm definitely slender enough to slip through that gap, do you have a drill?”

Logan raised an eyebrow at him. “Are you going to take it apart?”

“What?” Janus smiled teasingly at him. “I don’t seem trustworthy?”

His coyness seemed to fall on deaf ears as nervous settled across Logan’s face. “Are you licensed?”

“No, but I know what I'm doing, and if we waste time trying to find someone with the proper qualifications, that kitten is going to be iintrouble.” Logan still looked wary, but Janus was quick to reassure him. “Trust me. I've done this several times before. It's just a couple of screws holding it in place. It'll pop right back on when I'm done.”

Logan nodded and Janus blushed at the subtle smile that appeared on his face. “Okay, I'll be right back.”

Logan stood up and went inside, leaving Janus squatting in the drizzling rain as he looked down at the little kitten shivering near one of the supporting posts.

“Hey there, little one.” He made a clicking noise with his tongue, trying to coax it closer. “It’s a little cold out here, huh?”

Mew.

“I know. We're going to get you out of there and find some place warm for yiu to stay. Okay?”

Mew.

Too his surprise, the kitten stood up, approaching him cautiously. Janus reached out a hand rubbing his fingers together and clicking. “Come on, buddy. Make this easier on us and just come out of there.”

Mew.

“How about you do me a solid and help me impress this cute boy I'm on a date with?”

Mew.

The kitten stopped just behind the crisscrossing wood and sat on the ground. Janus sighed and smiled. “Just like a cat to make things difficult.”

Mew.

“No? Nature itself would like me to fail?” Janus rolled his eyes. “That hardly what I ever would have expected."

Janus reached his fingers through the wood, but stopped as the kitten backed away cautiously. He waited patiently as the kitten relaxed. Janus could feel the rain dripping down his face as the cat sniffed his hand. Janus smiled as the whiskers tickled his hand. The cat rubbed its face on Janus' hand and allowed him to reach up to scratch it's chin. “See? I’m not a bad guy, right?”

Meewwww.

The cat whined as Janus pulled his hand out from the gap. “Well, come out then if you want more.”

Mew.

The kitten trailed behind his fingers and reluctantly pushed it head through the door. Janus picked it up, cuddling it close in his arms. The little, cat purred happily in his hands as he scratched his chin. He slowly stood up, just as Logan came around the corner, with a drill in one hand and a towel in the other. His shoulders dropped in surprise as he noticed the purring kitten in Janus' arms.

A subtle smirk appeared on Logan's face as the worry disappeared “I see you didn't actually require my assistance at all.”

Janus' heart fluttered with pride at the smile on Logan’s lips, but he forced himself to play it off nonchalantly. “I only needed a moment alone to work my magic powers.”

Logan smirked back at him. “Well, I will admit I am impressed.”

“Yes, it’s definitely that, and not at all the fact that you’re relieved that I don't have to take your deck apart.” Janus smiled smugly.

“I won’t deny that is preferential to the alternative, but I am impressed you seem to have all the have all the beauty and power of a Disney princess.” Logan narrowed his eyes playfully at him.

Great. At least I know Roman would approve.

Janus rolled his eyes. “Are we going inside then?”

Logan hesitated, suddenly nervous again. When he finally spoke, hos voice was friendly, but cautious. “I must admit I don't usually allow the men I date into my home on the first date."

“Yes, because I often plan to rescue a scared kitten in order to gain access to my date’s homes.” Janus immediately regretted his sarcasm as a look of discomfort crossed Logan’s face. “You know what? That wasn't fair, Logan. If you're uncomfortable, I’ll go. Do you want to take—"

Logan’s face softened quickly and he held up a hand to stop him. “You’re not going anywhere, Janus.”

Janus froze in confusion. “But you just said—”

“I know,” Logan smiled sweetly at him. “but these are hardly normal circumstance. You are helping me, and you’re soaking wet for your efforts. I think I can bend the rules for you. After all, you're hardly a stranger at this point.”

The corner of Janus' lips twitched into a smile and nodded as Logan led him around the front of his house. Stepping inside, he couldn't help but notice that the walls of the room were lined with unpacked boxes.

“Did you just move in?”

“Yesterday.” Logan slipped off his raincoat to reveal the dark blue button up and tie he'd come to expect with him.

“It's a nice place.” Janus glanced around. His home was small, maybe two bedrooms, but it was nicely painted and the dark leather sofa and end tables in the room were definitely high quality. The cloud cover outside dampened the natural light in the room, but a small lamp in the corner illuminated the room in a warm light. “Do you live alone?”

Logan raised an eyebrow at him.

Janus flushed, holding the sleeping kitten close to his chest. “Sorry. I suppose I it would have been wise to start with a less serial-killer-type question.”

Logan laughed and Janus couldn't help but grin stupidly at the smile on Logan’s face.

“I think I can find it in myself to overlook your red flags.” Logan opened one of the boxes and began to unload it's contents in neat piles on the floor. “I had a previous house mate, but he recently moved in with his boyfriend and I moved here.”

“That's rough. I suppose money's a bit tight then? I can't imagine you make enough as a barista to easily afford a place like this.”

Logan lifted the empty box with him as he stood up, giving Janus a strange look. “You are aware I own the coffee shop I work in, correct?”

“What?” Janus mouth dropped open as he nearly shouted in surprise. The kitten mewed irritably, and Janus dropped his voice. “Since when?”

“Since it's inception.” Logan shrugged as he put the shallow box on the sofa. “The previous roommate I mentioned and I actually own a few of them throughout town.”

Janus looked at him dumbfounded. “Is that why you won't let me tip you?”

Logan smiled at Janus’ shock and shrugged as he pulled a blanket off the back of the couch. He tucked the blanket into the box to make a makeshift bed for the kitten in Janus' arms. “It’s not customary to tip the proprietor of an establishment.”

“But you never said that was why.” Janus spat out. “You just played coy with me.”

Logan smirked at him and laughed. “I was… I believe the correct phrase is, ‘being a tease.’”

“Do you mean to tell me you've been flirting with me this entire time?”

“Clearly.” He stated plainly, but Janus could see the subtle smile tugging at his lips. His smile grew as he reached his hands out. “Now, give her to me.”

“Her?” Janus asked as he passed the kitten to Logan

“I'm fairly certain judging by her size and physical traits but…” The cat chirped in protest of being lifted out of the warm towel and he lifted her up to examine her. “She is female. Although I suppose the pronouns are arbitrary, considering cats are not familiar with human social construct of gender—”

“You’re trying to distract me from the fact that you flirted with me for a year, and as you can see, it's working flawlessly.” Janus crossed his arms and tried to look disappointed.

Logan merely rolled his eyes and tucked the kitten under his arm as he reached into an open box to grab a small towel. He gently massaged the dampness off the purring kitten in his hand as he continued speaking. “I think that I enjoy having the figurative tables turned. Usually it is I who is considered the oblivious party.”

“You mean to tell me I could have been dating you this whole time?” Janus put his hand on his forehead in dramatic, mock frustration. “Tragedy does strike at me yet again.”

“You have been quite the conversation at the coffee shop. If I'm not mistaken, there were even betting pools about when you were finally going to ask me out.” Janus blushed and Logan chuckled as the kitten started to climb his shirt. He carefully unhooked the kitten’s claws from his shirt and set her down in the box, and for a moment, they watched as the kitten began to knead the blankets, apparently enthralled by the soft material. Logan drew his eyes away and glanced up at him with a soft smile. “Personally, I'm glad you waited a while though. I prefer to know someone for some time before I consider them as a romantic partner.”

Logan’s voice was carefree as he reached down to stroke the kitten, but Janus heart sank as he was reminded of the potential deal breaker hanging over his head. “Logan…”

Logan's head shot back up at his serious tone.

“Come sit.” He gestured for Logan to join him on the couch. Janus sat on one side of the box and Logan slowly dropped onto to other side. He hung his head and was quiet for a while, hesitant to break their easy chemistry.

“Janus, if I have offended you in some way, I’m sorry—” Logan looked over at him with concern in his eyes.

“You didn't offend me.” Janus hung his head, anxiety building in his chest. He watched kitten twirl around in the box between them and drop into the blanket, laying her head on her tail as she settled in comfortably. “I just would prefer to have this discussion before either if us get too invested.”

Logan stared at him for a while, but nodded and waited patiently as Janus gathered his thoughts.

“Logan, I'm aromantic.” Janus looked up at him expecting disappointment, but was met with a confused expression.

“Well, yes. You smell very pleasant. I don't know what that has to do—”

“What?” Janus paused for a moment before the realization his him. “No. Not aromatic, Logan. Aromantic.”

Logan paused. “I'm sorry. I'm not familiar with the term.”

“Oh, right.” Janus hadn't considered that he may have to explain the concept. “Have you heard of the split attraction model?”

Logan looked at him curiously. “No.”

Janus smiled patiently at him. “It’s based on the idea that there are multiple types of attraction. Many people experience sexual and romantic attraction simultaneously so they consider them to be the same thing, but there's a spectrum of people who experience attraction differently or not at all., and I'm one of those people.”

Logan nodded contemplatively. “Okay.”

“I'm still questioning some of my identity. I assume I'm demisexual, which means I only find people attractive with whom I've formed a significant attachment. To be honest though, I've never been in a situation where I've put that theory into practice so to speak,” Janus sighed and hung his head. “But I know I'm aromantic.”

“Which means what exactly?” Logan inquired seriously, stroking the kitten between them.

“I don't experience romantic attraction.” Janus watched Logan's neutral expression as he explained. “I’m not drawn to people, because I want to be romantic or lovey with them. I don't like holding hands or sappy romantic gestures. The idea of kissing is repulsive to me. I just don't enjoy being part of that kind of relationship, because that kind of affection makes me uncomfortable.”

“So, you are just interested in the potential for sex?”

“No,” Janus’ face scrunched in disgust. “I'm not looking for that at all.”

“I’m sorry. I'm trying not to assume anything.” Logan paused and Janus could see the struggle to understand in Logan's face. “I'm just trying to figure out what your intentions for asking me out were, if they weren't due to some degree of attraction.”

Janus looked up at him, desperation in his eyes. “I am attracted to you in my own way. I enjoyed spending time with you and talking today. I like listening to you laugh or listening to tall excitedly about books. My attraction for you is real. It's just not romantic.”

Logan watched him carefully. “And you’re not just trying to tell me you just want to be friends?”

“No.” Janus said tiredly. His anxiety gave way to exhaustion. “I am interested in a committed relationship with you. I just don't want the type of relationship you see in a rom-com. I want to spend time with you rescuing cats and drinking coffee.”

Logan was quiet for a long time and Janus heart sank further and further with each passing second. He tried to swallow the lump in his throat, but he felt his heart shattering.

“So,” Logan spoke slowly. “You want to spend time with me. You want to be in a relationship, but you don't want to kiss me hold hands or be affectionate?”

Janus couldn't bring himself to look up at Logan’s face. “I'd be affectionate. It just manifests differently. Something like the thought of listening to you talk excitedly about the stars is more appealing to me that the thought of kissing you.”

Logan was silent, and Janus finally looked up at him. His hand had stopped moving on the kitten's back. Janus heart shattered at the downcast look on Logan’s face. He felt tears in his eyes.

Damn it. Why'd I get invested?

Rejection sucks.

He choked back a sob, and stood to leave. “I'm sorry. This is stupid—”

“Janus—”

“I'm sorry I wasted your time.” Janus turned to go, but Logan caught his wrist.

“Janus, stop.”

“Logan, if you don't want this, it's fi—” Janus’ words failed him as he turned to see tears in Logan’s eyes.

Logan looked down at where he held Janus' wrist before moving his gaze up to his eyes. “I’m sorry. I needed a moment to process what you were saying, I think… I think I may be aromantic too. I just lacked a word to define my feelings.”

Janus froze for a moment, but as Logan dropped his wrist, Janus turned to kneel in front of Logan. “Shit, I didn’t see that coming. I'm sorry. Are you doing okay?”

“I'm not the only one." Logan’s voice was breathless.

Janus' lip curled into a smile. “You're not alone, Logan.”

Logan sighed and he chuckled softly as he wiped the tears from his eyes. “I'm sorry. I’m not usually prone to being this dramatic.”

“You aren't being dramatic.”

“Is that one of your blatant falsehoods that you hide under the guise of sarcasm?” Logan sniffed, but Janus could see a smile twitch on his lips.

“No, I've never been so truthful about anything in my life.” Janus reached a hand out and rested it on Logan's forearm. “Society puts pressure on us to live a certain way. The release of knowing there are other options can be a lot to handle.”

“I never even considered there may be alternatives.” Logan ran a hand through his hair and Janus couldn't resist smiling as Logan mussed his own hair. Seeing Logan let his guard down made his heart flutter. “I simply accepted that I would be slightly uncomfortable in my relationships.”

“You don't have to do that,” Janus smiled up at the him nervously. “especially if I get a part in your journey.”

“Janus?”

“Yes, Logan?” Janus gently squeezed his wrist.

“May I hug you?”

“Yes. I’m certainly not dying for you to do just that.”

Janus stretched his arms out and a warm feeling flooded his chest as Logan pulled him close.

“Thank you, Jan."

Janus' heart fluttered at the nickname and he smiled. “For what?”

“For giving me a word to explain what I've been feeling.”

“I'm glad I could help you.” Janus pulled back as Logan released him. His breath caught in his throat at the sight of Logan’s warm smile and the wet streaks of happy tears glistening on his face. “Can I assume you’re still interested in continuing to see me then?”

“God, yes.” Logan's face flushed and he nervously backtracked. “I mean, if that would be favorable to you.”

“God, yes please.” Janus laughed. His face was almost sore from how wide he was smiling as he wiped away the tears that were now falling freely down his face. Logan laughed and Janus would have sworn that sound to be the most beautiful thing he’s ever heard.

Mew.

Janus tore his eyes away from Logan to look down the tiny, black cat crawling to the edge of the box. Realizing she was close to edge, he reached out to stop her, but his reaction was a moment too slow. With a tumble, the kitten fell over the edge of the box and landed softly in Logan’s lap. Janus leaned back on his ankles, watching Logan smile as he stroked the kitten in his lap. She purred loudly, bumping her head insistently against Logan’s hands in demand for more attention.

“What are you going to do with her?”

Logan looked up at Janus with a sad smile. “She is well taken care of a shows indications of prior human socialization, so I expect I should attempt to find her owner.”

Janus smirked, seeing the growing fondness in Logan's eyes as he looked down at the satisfied kitten. “And if you can't find her owner?”

“I have always desired the companionship of a cat. They're exceptionally clever creatures, but I never had the opportunity because my previous housemate was allergic.” Logan looked up at Janus with a sparkle in his eye. “So, if attempts to find her owner are unsuccessful, you may have just given me the perfect house-warming gift.”

“Good, because I want to give you everything.” Janus smiled happily and his heart felt light in his chest as he stared into Logan’s eyes.

#sanders sides #sanders sides fic #ts logan #ts janus #lociet #New Labels #villain writes #qpr #qpr loceit

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vindicatedvirgil · 4 years ago

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only fools rush in / part seven: performance anxiety

summary: Virgil feels anxiety towards multiple things, including the upcoming performances and his intimacy with Roman.

TW: anxiety attack, mention of suicide attempt, blood mention, lots of self-doubt, vague sex mentions, mentions of scars

also more Wicked: The Musical spoilers.

---

Wise men say

Only fools rush in

But I can't help falling in love with you

Shall I stay?

Would it be a sin

If I can't help falling in love with you?

Virgil stood off stage, hands wringing as he watched the final scenes of the dress rehearsal. Roman was in his scarecrow outfit then, and he reached down into the hatch under the stage to pull up the actress who was playing Elphaba.

“Fiyero! I thought you’d never get here,” the actress said, embracing Roman tightly, touching his face.

“Go ahead, touch. I don’t mind,” Roman breathed deeply. “Ah, you did the best you could. You saved my life.”

“You’re still beautiful,” she said, and Roman laughed lightly, looking down at the ground.

“You don’t have to lie to me,” he responded, and Virgil chewed on his lower lip, watching their foreheads press together.

“It’s not lying… it’s looking at things another way,” her voice wavered, and Virgil knew she’d be the one receiving a standing ovation on opening night. Still, he turned on his heel; he couldn’t bear to watch Roman kiss her again. Fiyero kisses both leads, and Virgil tried to avoid watching those moments every single time; though, he had accidentally seen the kiss between Roman and the actress who plays Glinda earlier, and it was now the only thing he saw when he closed his eyes. When he was called on stage to join the curtain call, he held Nessarose’s actress’ hand lightly, not looking to where Roman was situated between those playing Glinda and Elphaba.

Later, he sat in the green room, wiping off the silver makeup of the Tin Man, his mind and heart racing. Perhaps playing a character like Boq was starting to affect the way he thought, the way he was reacting to his relationship with Roman.

Things were so new between them, but the feelings were so strong. Roman had started saying he loved Virgil more frequently, and he wondered if the shorter man was expecting him to say it back soon. He wasn’t ready to say it, though. Maybe he felt it, but the words were like lumps in his throat that he couldn’t bear to get rid of yet.

Virgil’s parents never once told him that they loved him. The first person to tell him those words was Janus, and even after being best friends for so long, Virgil only said those words to the other on very rare occasions.

What did that one song say? Only fools rush in.

Virgil didn’t want to be a fool. He didn’t want to rush. He wanted to take his time, but it was so hard when Roman was so… perfect. Perfect Roman bringing over flowers from Patton’s mom’s floral shop, taking him to sit under the stars or in the sunshine, bringing a smile to his face and kissing his cheeks–

It made Virgil want to burst into tears. No one other than Janus had ever paid him this much attention. Every single time Roman leaned up on the tips of his toes to kiss Virgil’s lips with as much love and passion as the first time, it made Virgil weak at the knees. It made him want to latch onto Roman and never let go.

And he wondered if Roman kissed the actresses the same way. If he gave them the same amount of consideration and gentleness as he did when Virgil was feeling anxious, if the girls could taste Roman’s cherry chapstick or the lingering flavor of the iced coffee that the couple would share during rehearsal breaks. Virgil only had to kiss the actress playing Nessarose on the cheek, and even so, they hadn’t done it in every rehearsal.

The character of Boq– so in love with Glinda, only being with Nessa because he felt bad for her, because he thought that if he was kind to her then Glinda would pay him attention– was not the kindest character to play. Was Virgil like him?

Or, was Roman like Fiyero? Staying with Glinda to keep up appearances but secretly in love with Elphaba, until the two eventually run away together and let everyone believe they are dead?

Janus slid out of bed to get more water from the kitchen. He glanced at the clock on the wall, noting that it was nearing four in the morning. When he passed Virgil’s room, the light shone under the door and he could hear scribbling and crumpling, and concern shot through him. Janus knocked once at the door, peering in.

“Vee? You alright…?” Janus was always hesitant to walk into Virgil’s room; sometimes, he got flashbacks of the day that he found Virgil on his bed, the blood seeping through his clothes as he rushed to care for his best friend. Janus shook his head, trying to shake the thought from his head as he saw Virgil sitting cross-legged on the floor, notebook open but many crumpled pages scattered around. “Why aren’t you sleeping?”

“Can’t sleep. Need… I need to figure this out,” Virgil’s voice was hoarse, and when he glanced up at Janus, his eyes were red, the dark circles underneath deeper than they’d been in a while. Janus settled on the floor beside him, glancing at the words he was writing down.

-Virgil Similarities to Boq: weak weak weak weak weak weak no heart

-Roman Similarities to Fiyero: is he cheating on me does he love someone else does he even care is he kissing someone else

Janus frowned, then took the notebook out of Virgil’s hands. “Hey, look at me, right now. You two are not your characters, okay? And you are not weak, Vee.” He set the notebook down and took Virgil’s shaking hands in his own. “Talk to me.”

“I just... Roman kisses the leads, and I’m offstage watching, and I can’t, I can’t do it,” Virgil shut his eyes tightly, trying to hold the tears in. “I’m not good enough for him, Jan, I can’t be.” Janus’ frown deepened, and he rubbed his thumbs against the back of Virgil’s hands.

“Breathe with me, Vee. Hey. Look in my eyes, and breathe,” Janus ordered, and Virgil met his eyes, the tears spilling over the edge. The two sat and breathed deeply together, Virgil following Janus’ lead, for several minutes, until the shaking stopped and the tears were dribbling down his cheeks instead of streaming down them. Eventually, Virgil clambered into Janus’ lap, the way he had so many times on those difficult nights during high school.

Janus ran his fingers through Virgil’s hair with one hand and rubbed circles on his wrist with the other, like he always did. The tall man’s tears slowed to a stop and his breathing fully evened out, but Janus could still tell that Virgil was anxious about the situation. He’d known the other man for so long that he could feel the emotions pouring out, even if they were both sitting in silence.

“Virgil, I’m going to call Roman, okay?” Janus’ voice was smooth, and instantly, Virgil was sitting up, panic crossing his face.

“No, please, he can’t see me like this, Jan!” Virgil pleaded, but Janus shook his head. “I need you, no one else. Please don’t force me out or make me someone else’s problem!” Guilt tore through Janus’ body and he held back tears, taking Virgil into his arms again.

“That isn’t what I’m doing,” Janus started to explain, regret filling his bones. “I just… I see how much Roman helps you and how he makes you feel. If you’re going to remain with him, then he does need to see this, he needs to know how to help you.” Virgil kept shaking his head, and Janus sighed, his fingers lacing their way back through the long hair. “Do you love him?”

“I… you know how I feel about saying that,” Virgil’s voice was hoarse again, his heartbeat uneven. Janus nodded at this, but didn’t say anything. “He loves me, but how could he continue to feel that way for me if he sees me like this, sees me doubting him? What if it scares him off?”

“Well, then he’s not worth your time or your love,” Janus said very matter-of-factly, and Virgil whined aloud at this revelation. The sociology major sighed, his fingers twisting in the other’s hair a bit. “In all honesty, Vee, he won’t get scared off. He loves you, and he only wants to be there for you.”

“I’m here for you,” Janus said softly, sitting in the chair next to the main tattoo chair. It was Virgil’s 18th birthday, and he decided to celebrate by getting his first tattoo. Janus happily joined him, but Virgil was starting to get a bit nervous. “If you want to leave, we can, okay?”

“No. I need to do this,” Virgil had decided that once he turned 18, everything would change. And that started with doing something for himself that his parents would never want him to do. He laid on his stomach, holding Janus’ hand tightly as the tattoo artist did his job; a storm cloud on the back of his left hip. Virgil didn’t know what it was about that spot or that tattoo, only that after storm clouds, things get better. Rainbows come. He didn’t know when to expect his rainbow, but he hoped it would arrive soon.

A few months after the storm cloud tattoo, he got gauges in his ears to commemorate moving into the apartment with Janus. At the time, he thought that was his rainbow.

Roman was over at the apartment in record time. When he saw Janus’ name on the screen, at 4 in the morning, of course only the worst possible scenarios ran through his head. Roman had thought of every outcome before Janus could get out the words. Virgil was anxious about the play, about the characters the two of them had taken the roles of, and about the kiss scenes. And so Roman grabbed his coat and slipped into his sneakers, then ran the few blocks between apartments, all while in his pajamas.

When he arrived at the apartment, Janus was sitting at the dining table, his head in his hands, a mug of tea in front of him. “He was dozing off, but you should go in there,” he had said. Roman thought that Janus was going to fall asleep right there, but said nothing as he made his way into Virgil’s bedroom.

And he was dozing off, back against the foot of the bed and legs curled up underneath him. Roman sat down next to him, pulling the taller man into his arms, pressing soft kisses to the unshaven face. “Hey, babe, talk to me. What’s going on?” Virgil’s eyes focused on Roman’s face, and then he crumpled, pressing his face into the other man’s shoulder.

“I-I-I’m so weak, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” Virgil hiccuped after saying these words, and Roman just rubbed circles on his back, waiting for the psychology major to elaborate. “I just, I can’t bear to see you kissing them, because what if you kiss them the same way as you kiss me and I’m not special and I mean nothing to you and–”

“Whoah, whoah! Okay, babe, you need to listen to me,” Roman took a deep breath before continuing. “You. Are. The. Most. Special. Person. In. The. World. Okay? I love you. So fucking much. And you know what? You mean everything to me,” his voice was firm and confident, and Virgil sniffled into his shoulder. “I give them pecks, that’s all, and before we had our first rehearsal I told them both that it would be nothing more than that because I’m with you and no one else.”

“B-But what if I’m not good enough, and you hate me because I’m such a mess–” Virgil cut himself off, not wanting to continue the sentence. Roman’s voice was there again, though, grounding the anxious man.

“Virgil, can I kiss you? If you’re feeling too uneasy for that I won’t, but I want to show you how much you mean to me.” He made no movements, but Virgil pulled away from his shoulder and nodded, wiping the snot and tears off of his face with his jacket sleeve. Roman smiled a bit at this and then leaned in, pressing their lips together in much the same way as that day that they first kissed; sloppy, a little rushed, but so full of adoration and love.

“Roman, you’re my rainbow.”

Virgil and Roman sat on the edge of the stage, their hands linked as they listened to the director make announcements for the next week of rehearsals. They’d have the rest of that day off to rest, but then there would be full rehearsals the following three days, leading up to their final dress rehearsal and then opening night.

Ever since the night (or late morning, depending on your view of time) that Roman came to comfort Virgil, they had been spending every night in Virgil’s bed, Roman comforting and holding his boyfriend close, talking him through anxiety attacks and running their lines until one (or both) of them dozed off.

The others had started to wonder if they should all move into one of the apartments and sell the others, but six guys and one bathroom was not an ideal situation. Logan had decided that he would try to locate a home with enough bedrooms and several restrooms for them to move into at the end of the term, but until then, everyone was spending most of their time with their partners.

That night, though, Roman and Virgil went back to the apartment that Roman lived in with Logan and Patton, because Roman needed to get some more clothes from his closet. He explained it to Virgil as “I’ve got to slay everyday”, and the taller man didn’t argue, even though he did wonder if Roman got tired of his constant black jeans, t-shirts, and hoodies.

As they entered the building, they ran into Remy and Emile, who they hadn’t seen for several weeks due to how busy they all had been. Emile tried pulling Virgil in for a hug, but the tall man just shook his head, looking down to avoid seeing the upset look on the cartoon lover’s face.

“Virgil, are you studying for your exams properly? Grades are important if you want to get into the doctoral program someday,” Emile’s voice was cheerful, but it only made Virgil want to sink into the floor. “I could help you study next week if you’d like.”

“Uh… not next week. We have performances and rehearsals every day for the next two weeks, but… after that I could use some help, maybe,” Virgil’s voice was low, and Roman said nothing, but the two excused themselves to go up to the apartment. He wanted to say something, but Virgil just pulled him to the bedroom, passing Logan who was at the kitchen counter, working on assignments.

When they got into the bedroom, Virgil flipped the lock and kissed Roman suddenly, roughly, albeit a bit awkwardly. Roman didn’t have time to protest, he eased into the embrace and kissed his boyfriend back with vigor, wrapping his arms around Virgil’s neck.

“Tonight?” Roman managed to get out between kisses, and Virgil nodded, his hands trailing to push Roman’s jacket off of his shoulders. The two had discussed taking their relationship to the next level… physically, that is… for a few days, and while Roman was eager for whenever it would be, Virgil was, of course, anxious about it. Roman decided to turn off the thinking part of his brain, though, and kissed down Virgil’s neck, unzipping the hoodie and pulling it off.

“Tonight. Now. We’re going to be so exhausted the next few weeks, and I don’t want to wait until we’re done with performances,” Virgil’s voice had taken on a husky tone, and Roman nodded, pushing the two over to the bed. They kissed on the bed, Roman straddling Virgil’s hips, for several minutes, Virgil trying to grind up into the touch.

Roman pulled his own shirt off and then his hands dove under Virgil’s t-shirt, making the other flinch. He pulled his hands back, eyes full of concern as they met Virgil’s wide-blown pupils. “Virge? Are you okay?”

“I-I don’t know…” Virgil bit on his lower lip. He didn’t know why he was suddenly feeling his throat constrict at the thought of Roman pulling his shirt off; they’d made out topless in the past, and had been sharing a bed for several weeks. Maybe it was the knowledge that this moment was different. Virgil had never done this before. “Roman, I’m… a virgin. I don’t know how to do this, I feel so nervous. I don’t know…”

“Hey, shhh,” Roman leaned down to kiss his cheek. “We can wait as long as you need, even if it’s weeks or months from now. I’m in no rush. I love where we are now, okay? Not doing this tonight won’t change how I feel about you.” At those words, Virgil felt a surge of emotion, and he wanted to say those words, he felt them bubbling up again, but they didn’t come out. He couldn’t say those words yet.

Roman slipped his shirt back on and moved up on the bed, arms open for Virgil. The two snuggled close for a while until they decided to change into their pajamas, and once they were under the covers, the lights out, Virgil let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding.

Virgil was standing in the cafe on campus, waiting for his order of an iced coffee for Roman and a caramel macchiato for himself, when he felt a hand clap onto his shoulder. He jumped, glancing over to see Emile’s bright and shining smile. “Please don’t startle me like that.”

“Sorry, kiddo. I was just excited to see you here! Remy works here, and he’s just about to get off of his shift, maybe you wanna go to dinner with–”

“I can’t. Rehearsals,” Virgil muttered watching as Emile’s smile fell. “I appreciate the offer, though.”

“I thought you were a psychology major, Virgil. Why are you spending so much time on something that you’re not going to pursue in the future?” Emile’s question surprised Virgil, who crossed his arms.

“I am a psychology major, but I’m also a theater minor. I love doing this stuff, please don’t judge me,” Virgil had had his fair share of doubts on the subject before. “I can focus on both.”

“I’m not saying that you can’t kiddo, it’s just… well, you seem distracted.” Virgil glared at Emile over these words.

“You don’t know me, please don’t start acting like you can see right through me with all of this. I’m not distracted. I’m focused.” Virgil said nothing more before grabbing the two drinks from the counter and heading out the door and towards the theater, where he knew Roman would be waiting with a kiss and a hug.

Was he distracted? Was Roman distracting him from his education? He had been performing well in his courses and rehearsals, he hadn’t missed any assignments. Virgil didn’t think that he could be distracted, but… theater had become something more important to him, and a big reason for that was Roman, his rainbow.

And he’d do anything to ensure that the rainbow stayed, because he didn’t know if he could bear the storm clouds returning.

---

teaser for part eight: of flowers and freeing words

It had all happened so quickly; from the moment they met, Patton was in it. Their first date was unlike any other he had ever had, because they both broke down their walls. And as they grew to know each other more, as they progressed physically and emotionally, Patton wanted more and more to believe that Remus was the one he was made for. That, perhaps, Patton Hart, in his mother’s womb all those years ago, was being crafted just so that he could be held tenderly by Remus Creative.

Part Eight will be posted on Sunday, August 30 at 12PM PDT

---

part eight | part nine | part ten

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taglist (to be added please send me an ask!)

@winterrose42

@are-you-even--real

@shaded14space

@lallyphant

@deceits-left-glove

@aricana8

@pixelated-pineapple

@starstruck-xavier

@thiel

@sophiexteresa

@cemmy

@toadink2005

@eeveeeclair246

@i-cant-find-a-good-username

@pansexualpuppet

@morgan-leaf

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amateurmasksmith · 10 months ago

Text

Analogical and/or Loceit could very easily be QPRs.

(Though, canonically, I don’t actually ship any of them - same person and whatnot.)

(I mean, not the SAME person: I personally think the sides are more developed as individual characters than can really be adequately summarized by them just being “parts/sides/figments of imagination,” even though the lines between their individuality/personhoods are more… blurry, for lack of a better term. But they’re not exactly related, either - except the twins, obv.)

Sanders Sides community, I'm about to give you the chance of a lifetime to spill your soul out about your blorbos:

What are your favourite ships and why?

I'm new here and I won't judge, it's a safe place.

Let me know why you think Virgil and Roman belong together or why you think Janus and Logan should kiss or whatever. And do let me know if you're entirely against shipping in this fandom too, I'm just curious about the vibes!

(However, if I see any of you shipping the twins... The block button will be rightfully used.)

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lily-janus · 3 years ago

Note

Saw you're doing prompts (at least it's in the pinned post xd) and since I'm trash:

"say that again" or "Just pretend to be my date." with loceit? :D

Okay sorry this took a while but I ended up doing both. Also I hope you don't mind but it's part of a series I wrote on AO3 and continued a bit here on Tumblr😅 I don't think you need to read those to understand this one though😊 hope you like it💛💙

Being Different

Summary: Logan and Janus struggle with other people's assumptions about their relationship.

Pairing: queer platonic Loceit

Some context: Logan is AroAce and Janus is Freyromantic and Freysexual

Warnings: missed understanding and assumption about QPR being a romantic relationship, internal want to not be aspec and that's it I think, let me know if I missed anything.

Word count: 1,388

It was not uncommon for people to assume him and Janus were dating. It happened a lot actually. Logan didn't always mind it, there were times when they both agreed to do it on purpose for entertainment reasons… but then there were times they weren't.

Of course, Janus always encourages him to not care about what other people think, but it's not about that. It irritates him because of the simple fact people assume so easily that they know everything about their relationship and its nature. It would have annoyed him even if they were in fact dating. It's the principle.

"Awww you're such a cute couple!" The waitress commented and Logan could feel his eye twitch in annoyance.

"We're not dating." Logan hissed lowely, Janus immediately laying a hand on one of his own that were clenched to fists on the table.

The waitress didn't seem to get the hint. She winked "maybe not yet."

Logan nearly growled in frustration. "No! Not ever! We're in a QPR and you don't get to assume-"

"Logan." Janus said softly, cutting off Logan's angry rant and he trailed off with a huff.

Janus turned to the waitress. "Sorry, it's a difficult spot for us, can you leave us for a minute?"

The waitress blinked at the sudden outburst. "Ah… sure." She said and left.

Logan sighed. "I'm sorry Janus, I know I should stop caring about this by now but…" he trailed off, looking away in shame.

Janus was still holding one of his hands, his thumb now stroking it soothingly. "Logan, it's okay to be upset about it." He said softly in that silky voice of his that always seems to calm Logan down.

"In an ideal world, people will stay out of other people's lives and businesses. Now, I don't justify this behaviour, but try to understand." Janus leaned forward a bit, forcing Logan to face him and meet his eyes. "We didn't know about this possibility either, you can't blame people for being ignorant on a subject that's far from well known. But, you are allowed to be hurt by this, your feelings matter regardless of others' intentions."

Logan let Janus' words sink in for a bit, before letting out another sigh and nodding.

Janus smiled softly at him, squeezing his hand reassuringly, before smirking. "What do you say we get out of here? This place's theme is too mushy to my liking anyway."

Logan didn't get a chance to articulate a response before Janus led him up and out of the restaurant.

He was unusually quiet for the entirety of the car ride, thinking over Janus' words, feeling his frustration fade away slowly.

The car skidded to a stop and it took Logan a few moments to realize where they were.

"The beach?" Logan questioned as they got out of the car, the sky pitch black above them. He thought over what one usually does at the beach, "I don't think swimming is recommended at this time."

Janus snorted. "Oh Logan, no, no, geez. I'm not Remus"

Logan blushed slightly. "Then… why did you bring us here? The usual activities at the beach are swimming and watching the sunset, both of which are not appropriate for this time of day."

Janus smirked. "As always you are right. But, there is something I know you like more than sunsets that comes out at this time." Janus tilted Logan's head gently towards the sky and Logan gasped softly.

"Stars." Logan wasn't dumb, he knew Janus is trying to distract him. But well, he didn't really mind it. The sky was as clear as glass and the stars shone bright, he could almost see all the famous constellations and some of the less known ones too.

Without realizing it, he sank down to the soft sand, eyes fixed on the sky, and started talking about all the different stars and galaxies. After all, space was one, if not the, favorite subject for him to talk about.

Janus stayed quiet listening intently, and, after a while, they both fell to comfortable silence.

Logan finally managed to tear his eyes away from the breathtaking sky and looked closely at Janus. Their eyes met.

"I know that look, don't you even go there." Logan said.

"What look?" Janus asked innocently.

Logan resisted the urge to snort at that. "Don't you dare bring up-"

"Remember your sister's wedding?"

"The wedding." Logan finished a second too late, sighing. "Yes, Janus, I remember. I was so lost, I didn't know what to do. So then you said-"

"Just pretend to be my date, and everything will play out smoothly." They recited at the same time, smiling nostalgically at each other. So much has changed since then.

"It did not, in fact, play out smoothly." Logan pointed out and Janus rolled his eyes fondly.

"Yes darling, I was there. To be fair…" Janus laced their fingers together. "I did warn you not to listen to me."

Logan chuckled lightly and they fell to silence again. Inevitably, Logan's thoughts circled back to the waitress and he sighed sadly. "You know, we can't escape this. No matter how many people we'll tell and explain it to, there will always be twice as many people that are still ignorant."

Janus sighed too. "No, we can't… But we can face it head on, with our chins up, and take whatever society throws at us. We have each other, nothing will change that and that's all we need, Logan. Heteronormativity and society be damned. I love you, Logan, and that's all that matters."

Logan felt the corners of his eyes sting, he sometimes wonders what has he ever done to deserve Janus. "S-say that again." Logan asked, voice full of emotion.

Janus turned to him, smiling. "I love you Logan."

Logan threw his arms around Janus' shoulders, holding him tightly as he cried, tears streaming down his cheeks and soaking Janus' jacket. "I just… I know I shouldn't and… and I really came to terms with myself and who I am, I promise…" Logan trailed off with a sob.

"But?" Janus asked gently.

Logan took a shuddering breath. "But sometimes I wish I was… Normal… like everyone else… it would make things so much simpler. I'm so tired of explaining myself to every new person I meet, of feeling isolated and having the majority of people not relate or understand me. I sometimes wish it'll all just stop and I could take a breath or two and… be able to live my life like everyone else."

Logan sniffed, burying his face in Janus' shoulder, unable to meet his gaze from shame, he's basically saying he wished their beautiful relationship would not be… Janus must be so hurt right now-

"I feel that way too sometimes." Janus said quietly, rubbing soothing circles on his spine. "But then…" Logan could hear Janus' smile in his voice. "Then I remember that I have you, and we have this. And I wouldn't trade that for anything." Janus pulled back a little so they're eyes could meet, he was indeed smiling and Logan almost felt a mirror smile tugging at his lips. "No one ever in my life understood me like you. So much so that sometimes I wonder if you could actually hear my thoughts." He chuckled softly.

Logan rubbed his warm cheeks, wiping his tears and sniffing. "I would be truly lost without you, Janus… thank you."

Janus smirked. "Ah yes, what would you do without me, I'd imagine life will be quite boring."

Logan smiled, grabbing his hand and lacing their fingers. "And lonely too." He added, not missing Janus' smirk melting into a gentle smile.

"Life will never be simple for us. Sometimes it will feel like too much, and sometimes it won't." Janus gave Logan's hand a squeeze. "But I'm sure that if we stick together, we're sure to figure it out."

He got up, pulling Logan with him and they both dusted themselves to get rid of all the sand.

Logan studied Janus' reassuringly familiar face the whole ride to his apartment. He was suddenly struck with the realization that none of those 'normal' people Logan was so jealous of, will ever feel that kind of connection with someone. He smiled to himself, maybe being different isn't all that bad…

#sanders sides #logan sanders #janus sanders #loceit #queerplatonic loceit #queerplatonic #qpr #freysexual #freyromantic #aroace #fanfiction #sanders sides fanfic

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iclaimedtobethebetterbard · 3 years ago

Text

i’m taller than you - chapter 4

Fandom: Sanders Sides Characters: Logan, Janus, Virgil, and Remy; background Roman and Remus Rating: Teen & up Relationships: Enemies-to-lovers/arranged marriage Loceit; queerplatonic Anxsleep; mentioned Patmile; mentioned Remy x shorts!Thomas Warnings: Language, death mention Word count: 6990

Read on AO3!

My writing masterpost

start - previous - here - next - masterpost

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Chapter 4

It had been seven months since the wedding, and four since he and Janus had agreed to stop hating each other, and Logan’s life had almost entirely regained its equilibrium. Things were different than they had been before the wedding, yes, but Janus’s presence was becoming more and more normal and comforting every day. Logan felt he hardly had cause to complain anymore.

Virgil had certainly been complaining, though. Loudly. He had declared Janus and Logan to be menaces the second he discovered that when they teamed up, they could talk absolute circles around him, and had not stopped bemoaning his fate since. Logan had a strong suspicion that Virgil was deliberately overexaggerating his distress in order to make it amusing, to encourage Logan and Janus to continue getting along. If this was the case, Logan would have to admit—much to his chagrin—that it was working, and that Virgil was older-brother-ing him in an extremely successful manner. But it was funny.

Virgil had been particularly dramatic about it this week—he’d just gotten back from a trip to Philos, visiting Patton and the art gallery they’d created together. Janus had declined to accompany him on the trip, but confided in Logan that he badly wanted to go; he just didn’t feel ready to deal with his parents discovering he’d started hormones. Though Virgil had not been made privy to this information, he seemed to have picked up on Janus’s regret, and was going to particular lengths to lighten Janus’s mood whenever he saw him. Mainly in being indulgent of Janus’s constant desire to annoy everyone around him for his own amusement.

“Are you sure you want to do that?” Janus asked Virgil coyly, leaning over Logan’s shoulder and staring at the chessboard.

Virgil glared halfheartedly at him. “Well, not anymore I’m not.” He retracted his hand from where he had been about to move one of his pawns.

Logan smothered a grin. “Take your time,” he said sweetly.

Virgil looked back and forth between Logan and Janus, his eyes narrowed. “See, the chances that actually, I’m right and Janus is just messing with me are not low.” He pressed his hands together, drumming his fingertips against each other. “But the chances that Logan is smarter than me and any move I make will be a bad one are also not low.” He frowned. “Your mind games are evil.”

“Glad you understand the situation,” Janus said, smirking. He was not participating in the chess match, simply watching and offering frequent and opinionated commentary, much of it designed to sow doubts in Virgil and skew the game in Logan’s favor. Logan probably ought to protest, but Janus’s meddling was amusing. He was capable of beating Virgil on his own fair and square, of course. It was just more entertaining this way. And, if he were to be completely honest, the warm solid feeling of Janus leaning on his shoulder and the sound of Janus’s low, quiet laughter near his ear were both so pleasant—he didn’t want Janus to have any reason to stop.

Virgil hesitated for a moment longer, weighing his options and the likelihood that Janus was lying to him, before making a face and moving his knight instead.

Logan traded a grin with Janus.

“Oh, no,” Virgil said, sounding disgusted but not surprised, as Logan moved to capture his queen. “You two are awful, you know that?”

Janus burst into self-satisfied snickers, perching on the arm of Logan’s chair and picking up one of the captured pieces to toy with as the game continued. While Virgil was spending some time thinking about a move, Janus placed the piece—a bishop—on Logan’s head, holding it in place with a delicate grip.

“What are you doing?” Logan laughed, tipping his head back to look at Janus.

Janus grinned. “Just checking how much taller than you I am.”

“Oh, you—” Logan shoved him away, rolling his eyes. “You are seated in an elevated position. That’s cheating.”

“Sorry, I can’t hear you from all the way down there at, what, five even?”

“I am five foot one!” Logan protested loudly.

Janus smirked down at him. “On a good day, maybe.”

“Break it up, you two,” Virgil interrupted, making his move on the chessboard at last.

“Fine,” Janus said. “Fine.” He looked down at Logan again. “But I am taller than you.”

“Not if I push you off this chair, you won’t be,” Logan retorted. This did not have the desired effect of intimidating Janus, instead making him giggle and drape himself about Logan’s shoulders once again. Somehow Logan found himself unable to be displeased with this turn of events. He examined the board and moved. “Check.”

“Dammit,” Virgil mumbled under his breath. Louder, he added, “I feel like Janus helping is cheating.”

“Oh, trust me, what he is doing is not helping,” Logan said. “He has slowed this game down considerably.”

“Hey!” Janus protested.

“Oh, am I wrong? Tell me I’m wrong. Explain that to me. Go ahead.”

Janus, in an incredible display of maturity and responsibility, stuck his tongue out. “Shut up.”

“I don’t do that, in case you forgot.” Logan looked back at Virgil. “Also, I don’t ‘cheat’ at chess with you. You are bad at chess.”

“Ouch,” Virgil said lightly.

“Bad at chess with me,” Logan amended. “I will admit that you’re good against other people sometimes.”

“You should take his rook,” Janus suggested, pointing at the chessboard. He slid off the arm of the chair to the seat of it, pushing Logan over and pressing up against his side.

“Mm. I could do that.” Almost without thinking, Logan slid an arm around Janus’s shoulders for stability as he leaned forward. “Or I could do this.” He used his bishop to take one of Virgil’s own. “Checkmate.”

“Dammit!” Virgil repeated.

Logan laughed, looking at Janus to share in his amusement. Janus, however, had a startled, frozen expression on his face, cheeks flushed and eyes wide. “Are you alright, Janus?” Logan asked, concerned.

“Mmhm!” Janus’s voice cracked. “Fine. I’m—fine, thanks.” He pressed a little closer against Logan’s side.

“Oh,” Logan said, confused but not at all unhappy with this turn of events. “Well, that’s good, then.”

“Must you two always behave like this?” Virgil demanded, sounding exasperated.

Janus stiffened in Logan’s hold.

“…Like what?” Logan asked curiously.

“Really? Really?” Virgil flung his hands in the air. “You two are constantly—”

“Virgil,” Janus interrupted with a level of cheer so intense it was frightening, “I will happily kill you myself if you say another word.”

“You can’t say that kind of thing!” Logan said, scandalized. “Do you have any idea how embarrassing it is to have to explain to the captain of the palace guard that you weren’t actually making a death threat against another prince?”

Virgil snickered. “Oh, I remember that. That was funny.”

“No it was not!” Logan said emphatically.

“It sounds funny,” Janus said, grinning.

Logan glared at him. “You are not helping!”

“Yeah, he was twelve, it was hilarious,” Virgil confirmed to Janus with a grin. “And you’re good, Janus. I’m pretty sure there’s not actually any rule that we have to talk to the captain of the guard about things like that.” Virgil looked over at Logan. “I think Dad just thought it would be a fitting punishment for you. Make you think about the weight of your words in future.” He shrugged. “And it worked.”

Logan’s mouth fell open indignantly at this news. But before he could recover himself, there were running footsteps outside and Roman burst through the door, waving a parchment in the air over his head. “Janus!” he shouted. “Janus! You got a letter!”

Janus lit up. “From Patton?”

Roman shook his head. “I don’t think so, it doesn’t look how those usually do. It’s got your family seal on it.”

“What?” Janus’s brow wrinkled with concern, and he got up, leaving Logan feeling suddenly cold where they had been pressed together.

Janus crossed to Roman and accepted the envelope, breaking the thick wax seal without much care. He unfolded the parchment and scanned it, face slowly going blank.

“Oh,” he said after a long silence, his voice very small. “Well.” His mouth worked for a moment. “That’s—oh.”

“What happened?” Logan and Virgil asked, almost at the same time.

“Emile—Patton’s fiance, you know—his mother died,” Janus said tonelessly. “So their wedding has to be rescheduled for after the mourning period. For next year.” He folded the parchment up again, not stopping until it was very small indeed. “So I won’t get to see Patton this summer after all.” His shoulders curled inward as he stared at the parchment in his hands.

Virgil inhaled softly, rising from his seat at once. “I’m so sorry, Janus.” He went over to Janus and placed a hand on his shoulder, squeezing.

Janus looked away and nodded, pressing his lips together hard. “I thought I would be seeing him in a couple of months,” he said, unable to keep a tremor out of his voice. “When I decided not to go with you. Not—not as long as this.”

“I know,” Virgil murmured. “I did too. I’m sorry.”

Logan, who had a strong suspicion that Janus would prefer not to have everyone’s attention on himself, glanced around the room, compiling a mental list of steps he could take to reduce any extra stress on Janus.

“Roman,” he asked, “would you send a message to the kitchens asking if we can have roasted peaches and ice cream for dessert?” That was Janus’s favorite, and sending Roman to fulfill this request would lower the energy in the room considerably.

“Why me?” Roman complained.

Logan and Virgil both frowned at him.

He flung his hands in the air. “Fine, fine. I’m going. Ugh.” He stomped a bit on his way out, slamming the door behind him.

Logan moved to clean up the chess set. “I’m going back to our rooms,” he said to Janus. “Do you want to come?”

Janus nodded gratefully and, a moment later, trailed after him as they left the twins’ suite. They walked side by side in silence.

After a moment, there was a soft touch against Logan’s arm, and he only just stopped himself from starting as Janus slid his fingers to clasp Logan’s wrist. Logan stepped towards Janus, closing some of the distance between them. “I’m sorry,” he said.

Janus’s mouth twitched in a poor approximation of a smile. “Me too.” There was a long pause. “Thank you.”

“Of course,” Logan said, and he meant it. All of his actions had been to him a matter of course, the most logical thing to do to try and ease Janus’s hurt, however little.

Janus’s hand slid a little further down Logan’s wrist, and he stroked his thumb back and forth along the palm of Logan’s hand. It was a surprisingly pleasing sensation—Logan found his thoughts at once entirely occupied with focusing on it.

Janus tugged Logan to a stop as they came to a juncture in the halls near their suite. “I’m going out to the apple tree, I think. I want to be alone.”

Logan was not particularly surprised by this decision, though he was hit with a pang of disappointment. “Alright. I will see you later.”

Janus nodded, letting go of Logan’s wrist with a reluctant drag of fingers, and they made their way down separate hallways towards their respective destinations.

Logan found himself strangely unable to concentrate as the evening progressed. His mind kept drifting away from anything he tried to focus on, instead worrying about Janus and how he was doing. It was inconvenient and baffling—he’d done what he could to help; the most productive thing ought to be to set it aside until he saw Janus again. But he couldn’t do it. And he had no idea why.

Janus was late to dinner, which the whole royal family took together in the twins’ suite, but he seemed fine outwardly when he did arrive, sliding into his seat beside Logan with a smooth laugh and an apology for his tardiness. He waved off questions about the letter from Virgil, Remy, and King Romulus, so Logan held his tongue. Janus quickly redirected the conversation, asking Remus about his biology studies—he and his tutor had been gone all day to the seashore, studying ocean life.

Remus eagerly launched into a detailed description of his escapades, starting with a half-rotted fish carcass he’d discovered. This left Roman dramatically gagging and Virgil looking vaguely nauseous.

As the attention of the room was drawn entirely towards Remus, Logan saw Janus drew in a long breath and let it out in a sigh of relief, retreating into silence with his head bent over his plate for the rest of the meal. He did glance up long enough to send Logan a tiny smile when dessert was brought in, which left a delightful warmth in Logan’s chest and cheeks, even if it was not enough to dispel his larger worries about Janus.

When dinner was over, Janus excused himself instead of spending the evening in the twins’ sitting room, where they all often gathered in the evenings. Logan took this as confirmation that his composed appearance was a facade, and followed after him as soon as he could. In his and Janus’s rooms, he found Janus sitting on their bed, curled in a ball with his knees pulled to his chest.

“I’m sorry,” Logan said quietly, coming over to sit on the other side of the bed, kicking off his shoes and crossing his legs.

Janus nodded and buried his face in his crossed arms. “We used to sneak into each other’s rooms at night,” he said. “Me and Patton. When we were little kids. To have sleepovers. The maids would bring us our favorite teas and candied fruits and nuts, and we still thought our parents had no idea what we were doing.” He laughed quietly. “He’d let me help him with his duties sometimes. Or even if I couldn’t really help, he’d still let me tag along.” He sounded very proud of himself for this. “And I was the first person he told about Emile when they started seeing each other—they kept it a secret at first. And he was the first person I came out to.” He paused, voice going quieter. “I miss him,” he said plaintively.

Logan struggled for a moment, Janus’s distress moving him far more strongly than he was used to and making nothing he could say feel like the right answer. Words were what he was good at. What was he supposed to do if his words weren’t enough? “You’re right to miss him,” he said at last. “He is very important to you.”

Janus nodded, sniffling and surreptitiously wiping his nose on the back of his hand.

“I’m sorry the wedding was delayed,” Logan said, his chest aching with fresh hurt for Janus. “I can’t imagine how awful it must feel.”

Janus nodded again. “Thank you,” he whispered. His lips trembled. “I—I want to go to bed now.”

Logan acquiesced, of course, though it was a tad on the early side for such a thing, and within short order the lights had been shut off.

They had hardly been lying in the darkness for ten minutes before there was a soft, choked sob from Janus’s side of the bed; it seemed to open the floodgates, and though he was clearly trying to be quiet, he began crying bitterly into his pillow.

“Janus?” Logan whispered after a few moments, no longer able to contain his worry.

“Shut up,” Janus choked out.

Logan hesitated, then lifted away the pillow between their heads. They’d been moving it aside more nights than not, often talking deep into the small hours of the morning before falling asleep, usually mid-conversation, leaving one of them to replace the pillow in its spot in the morning.

But instead of offering conversation, since that seemed to be the last thing Janus wanted just now, Logan slid his hand across the space between them and cautiously stroked Janus’s hair.

Janus’s sobs cut off with a gasp, turning his head to face Logan, his face wet and slightly tear-swollen.

“Sorry,” Logan said quickly, going to retract his hand.

“No,” Janus said, voice wobbly. He reached up and caught Logan’s hand in his own, folding their fingers together and clinging to him as he buried his face in his pillow once again.

Logan relaxed slightly. Good. So his comfort hadn’t been unwelcome. He could do this; he could hold Janus’s hand. He focused on doing just that to the very best of his abilities, stroking his thumb lightly back and forth along Janus’s knuckles, finding his hand to be warm and soft-skinned, larger and sturdier than Logan’s own. This would, in other circumstances—though Logan’s brain skipped over precisely what circumstances—be a very pleasant and enjoyable experience. Even now, as Janus continued crying into his pillow, it still felt very important and somehow tender.

Logan clasped Janus’s hand until his cries faded into tired silence, and then continued to hold it when neither of them pulled away. “Would it make you feel better to tell me I’m short?” he asked in a whisper after a minute or so of near-quiet from Janus, broken only by the occasional sniffle.

That startled a laugh out of Janus, albeit a small one, thick with the remnants of his tears. “Maybe,” he admitted. He rolled over to face Logan, not letting go of his hand, his cheeks still wet. “I’m taller than you.”

“Shut up,” Logan whispered back, and both of them dissolved into giggles.

“Thanks,” Janus whispered after a moment.

“Of course.” Logan squeezed Janus’s hand, and the pair of them fell into silence. He did not let go, even as Janus’s hand went slack with sleep and Logan’s own eyelids grew heavy.

They were still holding hands across the wall of pillows when they woke up. Through silent agreement, neither of them replaced the pillow at the head of the wall that day; midway through the morning, Janus carried it out to their sitting room and put it on the sofa. It didn’t match the room’s decor, but Logan could not have minded less.

***

“Virgil, you’ve got to help me,” Remy announced, throwing open the door of the twins’ sitting room dramatically. “I’m dying. I’m dead. I am deceased. Utterly and completely.” He cast himself on the sofa, the back of his hand draped dramatically over his forehead.

Virgil, who had tensed up with worry, relaxed. “Oh, is this about Lord Thomas Short again?” he asked, sounding amused.

Remy buried his face in his hands. “He’s so good-looking! And stupidly nice. I don’t know how to handle it!”

Virgil grinned. “Seeing you get flustered has got to be the most entertaining thing I have ever experienced.” He made a heart shape with his hands as Remy flipped him off. “Just so you know.”

“Love you too,” Remy groused. He rolled over onto his stomach, clutching one of the throw pillows to his chest. “Do you think he’d even want a paramour?”

“Why not ask him?” Virgil said pragmatically. “You’re not shy.”

Remy bit the inside of his cheek. “I kind of want to.”

“You should!” Virgil encouraged.

Remy hesitated further. “Won’t it reflect badly on you, though?”

Virgil raised an eyebrow. “I don’t think so. If people are asses about it, we can always issue a proclamation. But, I mean, I’m out, I don’t see why anyone would assume anything untoward about it.”

“I don’t want people to give you a hard time—”

“Remy,” Virgil interrupted. “I want you to be happy. You have my blessing to pursue whoever you like, and if you keep worrying about me, I will write you a royal command about it and nail it to the wall of your bedroom.”

Remy gasped, sitting up and pointing at Virgil accusingly. “I spent days on my interior design, don’t you dare pull that again. Your handwriting is ugly and goes with absolutely nothing in there!”

“Then don’t make me,” Virgil retorted with a grin.

Remy rolled his eyes and threw the pillow he was holding at Virgil. It hit his shoulder and fell to the floor. “Thanks, though,” Remy said, trying a little too hard to sound nonchalant.

“Good luck,” Virgil said with a smaller, more genuine smile.

Remy nodded. “I’m still going to be an absolute bitch about it, though. You are going to put up with so many rants.”

“I would expect nothing less of you,” Virgil said fondly.

“…Aren’t you two married?” Janus asked, sounding very hesitant indeed.

“Yes, why?” Remy and Virgil said in unison.

“He doesn’t know,” Logan said, realizing what the problem was, even as he saw the realization dawn on Virgil and Remy’s faces at the same time.

“Oh,” Virgil said. He hesitated, clearly putting his thoughts in order. “Our marriage is political. Like yours. Kind of.”

“What do you mean ‘kind of’?” Logan asked, at the same time as Janus, sounding very startled indeed, said, “Really?”

“Hang on.” Virgil pointed at Logan. “Because you’re both allo, as far as I know. And frequently demonstrate it.” While Logan was trying to figure out what on earth that meant, Virgil moved on, pointing at Janus as he answered his question. “Yes, really. Why is that surprising?”

“You—I don’t know—you get along. And my brother got to choose who he’d marry. It was just me who got it arranged,” Janus said. “I suppose I thought you’d be the same.”

Virgil made a small noise of surprise. “Good for Patton.” He shrugged. “But no, our marriage was also arranged. And besides, I’m aromantic and asexual. Our relationship is platonic.” He glanced over at Remy, biting the inside of his cheek anxiously. “…Maybe kind of queerplatonic at this point? I don’t know. We keep going back and forth on that.”

“No, you keep waffling,” Remy corrected. “I keep telling you that sounds great.”

“I know, I know, I just—” Virgil grimaced. “You know what, maybe we’re going too fast. Maybe we don’t need to put a label on it yet, you know? Or ever.” He bit his lip and backtracked again. “Or—or we could! I don’t know.”

Remy looked over at Janus and Logan. “You see? Do you see what I have to deal with?” he asked, snickering.

Virgil rolled his eyes. “Fine, so maybe I’m overthinking it.”

“You are,” Remy confirmed.

Virgil waved him off. “Yes, yes, I know, shut up. But to get back to the actual topic at hand—either way, Janus, our marriage is just political.”

“I see.” Janus nodded.

“Oh, and we didn’t always get along, either, Shorty,” Remy added.

“I told you not to call me that in front of Logan!” Janus interrupted in an urgent tone.

“No, no please keep calling him that,” Logan said, delighted. “As often as possible.”

Janus pouted. “I hate you both.”

“Cute,” Remy said. “No, but it took us so long to warm up to each other. The first year we knew each other was probably the most awkward of my entire life. Which isn’t saying a lot, because I am filled with natural charm and glow and am never awkward, but trust me. It was bad.” He grinned over at Virgil. “We got used to each other eventually, though.”

“We did,” Virgil said with an answering smile. “But—to answer what I think is the final part of your question, Janus—Remy’s allo, and I’m perfectly fine with him pursuing relationships with other people. Romantic or otherwise. I’m more than fine with it, actually, I encourage it.” He pointed his chin at Remy. “He just keeps ignoring me and fretting about it.”

“You are so mean about me caring about you,” Remy announced, pouting.

“Oh, you have not seen ‘mean’ yet, trust me.” Virgil chuckled before looking back at Janus. “Make sense?”

Janus nodded slowly. “I—I didn’t realize one could pursue relationships separately from your spouse in a political marriage.”

“It’s not uncommon, to my understanding.” Virgil shrugged. “It depends on the exact marriage and what the people in it want. But it’s very doable, yes.” He shot a sly glance at Remy. “If someone were to actually talk to his favorite lordling, that is.”

“Shut up!” Remy threw another pillow at Virgil.

“Huh,” Janus said again, quietly, brow furrowing with thought.

Logan found himself seized with an odd panic, his insides squirming, and was bewildered by the sudden emotion. Upon self-reflection, he arrived at the conclusion that his discomfort was in response to Janus, and more specifically, to Janus thinking about romantic relationships with other people.

Logan only felt worse at this. Why on earth should that be such an upsetting idea to him? Surely he wanted Janus to be happy! Didn’t he? What kind of person—what kind of husband would he be, otherwise?

And yet, the idea of Janus seeking someone out made all Logan’s insides feel wrong and bothered, his stomach knotting and his throat a little too tight.

Was he—was he jealous? This felt a lot like jealousy, now that he thought about it. What right had he to be jealous of the idea of Janus finding a romantic relationship elsewhere? Did he want to seek out a romantic partner for himself, and fear Janus would somehow prevent him from doing so? No, that made no sense—and besides, the horrible twisting feeling in his gut only got worse at the idea of him seeking out someone other than his husband to pursue a romance with.

Which was ridiculous. It wasn’t like either of them held romantic feelings for each other, obviously; of course not. It was out of the question. And just because he and Janus were husbands didn’t mean romantic relationships were off-limits for either of them. He would never lay claim to such an idea, and in fact was deeply inclined to disavow it.

All the same, the idea of Janus seeking out someone else—smiling at someone else, laughing with someone else, holding hands with and slinging his arm around the shoulders of and leaning on and kissing someone else—it was the worst idea Logan had ever conceived of in his entire life. He would rather almost anything else in the world came to pass.

Logan excused himself, hands shaking, and made his way outside to the gardens, to the apple tree Janus had shown him. He climbed as high as he dared and sat amid the branches, staring at nothing and trying to puzzle out why he would feel so strongly about this. Why would it matter so much to him? What was wrong with him? He was practically acting like a child with a hopeless crush. This was ridiculous. He was only married to Janus; romance had nothing to do with it.

So, since it obviously had nothing to do with romantic feelings, he was at a total loss for why he felt so upset.

***

Very luckily for Logan, Janus did not bring up the conversation with Virgil and Remy, or the possibility of either of them seeking out romantic relationships. This was fine with Logan—more than fine, actually. This was nearly the ideal, second only to the idea never having come up at all in the first place. As the weeks passed, Logan even began to forget about the discussion and the odd, horrible feelings it had inspired in him. There were other things to occupy his attention.

One such thing being that Janus had announced that he’d consulted with the palace physicians, and was going to have the top surgery he’d been wanting for so long.

Logan was happy for Janus—beyond happy; he was delighted. Janus’s enthusiasm was catching—but he also found himself anxious about it, more so than he’d expected. So much so that he almost felt like Virgil. Of course, there was next to no chance that anything could go wrong during the surgery. Janus would be seeing one of the leading experts in the field. But Logan couldn’t stop thinking about the idea of something bad happening. He’d never had top surgery himself, as he rarely felt any discomfort with his chest, which was very small due to both his slight build and the fact that he’d started testosterone early in puberty. He suspected that his lack of first-hand knowledge was worsening his anxiety about Janus’s surgery.

He tried to hide it from Janus, though. He didn’t want Janus to have any reason to feel bad about something he was so excited for and wanted so much. Logan was successful in this, to the best of his knowledge; he caught Janus casting the occasional suspicious glance at him when he was fretting during the week before the surgery, and once Janus went so far as to ask “what was eating at him,” but Logan brushed it off with a fib about not having slept well. Janus accepted this and let the matter drop, beyond bullying Logan into an earlier bedtime for three nights in a row afterwards.

All Logan’s worrying had, of course, been for nothing; Janus’s surgery went, he was assured, smoothly and quickly. Janus was to rest and not exert himself for the next few days, and, assuming everything continued to go well, would not need to see any physicians for the next week.

Logan quickly discovered he had failed to anticipate the thing he should have been worried about: Janus took the command to “rest” as “permission to be absolutely insufferable.”

“Logan. Logan. Loooooooogaaaaaaannnnnnn.” Janus pouted at him from the bed, where he was propped up on a mountain of pillows—Logan had arranged them earlier, while he was waiting for Janus’s return, and had taken the wall down the center of the bed entirely apart to do so. “Stop ignoring me, you terrible man. What kind of husband are you? Treating me this callously when I am weak and wounded?”

Logan sighed and looked up from the book he was attempting to read. “What do you want this time?”

“Get me an orange.”

Logan made a concentrated effort not to throw his book at Janus. “The oranges are literally right next to you.” There was an entire bowl of fruit on the sidetable at Janus’s elbow. He would barely have to move his hand six inches to reach it. Logan was curled in an armchair on the other end of the room, fully twenty feet away.

“I’m not supposed to exert myself like that,” Janus said, pouting more. “Besides, it’ll be so much more fun if you do it.”

“I do not think you know the definition of the word ‘fun,’” Logan grumbled, but he slid a bookmark into his book, set it down, and crossed to sit on the edge of the bed beside Janus. He selected an orange from the bowl and presented it to him with both hands, perhaps a touch overdramatically. It was not his fault if Janus was rubbing off on him somewhat.

“Can you open the drapes a little more?” Janus said, accepting the orange. From his tone, it was hardly a question so much as a command.

Logan raised an eyebrow. “Fine.” He walked over to the window and pulled the curtains wider open, so the afternoon sunlight could pour over Janus on the bed. “Like that?”

“Yes. Now come peel this for me,” Janus demanded, grinning and holding out the orange.

Logan sighed and crossed back to the bed, taking the orange back. “You are insufferable,” he informed Janus, breaking through the peel with his thumbnail as he spoke.

“I try,” Janus said, but his voice was far less teasing and far more soft and delighted as he watched Logan peel the orange, a tiny smile lingering on his face. It almost made Logan regret what he was about to do.

Almost.

Logan separated a segment from the orange, carefully peeling away all the white pith he knew Janus hated and setting it aside in the little pile of orange peels. Maintaining eye contact with Janus, he lifted the piece of orange to his own mouth and ate it in one bite.

“Hey!” Janus protested shrilly, sitting halfway up and batting at Logan with both his hands as Logan’s shoulders shook, trying to contain his laughter.

“You’re so mean.” Janus crossed his arms as Logan composed himself enough to resume chewing.

Logan swallowed. “In my defense, you definitely deserved that.” He separated another segment off the orange, peeled the pith off once more, and placed it in Janus’s hand as a peace offering.

Janus huffed under his breath, but accepted the orange segment. “Thank you.”

Logan bit the inside of his cheek to hold back a fond smile, since Janus had definitely been annoying enough just now not to be indulged with that. “You are welcome,” he said, bending his head over the orange and going about separating the remaining segments from one another and removing every last bit of pith for Janus.

Janus accepted the next few, pressed into his hands one by one, then cast himself back on the pillows and demanded, “Feed me.”

Logan rolled his eyes. “You are perfectly capable of doing that yourself.”

“But I don’t want to,” Janus countered. “And it’s fun to see how many things you’ll do if I tell you to.”

Logan sighed. “Very well,” he acquiesced, leaning over and placing another piece of orange delicately into Janus’s mouth. His thumb brushed ever so gently against Janus’s soft, round lower lip; Janus inhaled, almost a gasp, his eyes flying wide open, and Logan’s heart stuttered in his chest.

Well. That was odd.

Neither of them broke the sudden, intense silence in the small space between them as Logan fed the remaining orange segments to Janus, one by one. When it was gone, almost without thinking, Logan brushed Janus’s hair out of his eyes and let his hand come to rest on Janus’s cheek. He found himself struck with a sudden, strong urge to lean closer and kiss Janus’s forehead.

Hm. That was very odd. Really, what had come over him?

Janus’s cheeks and the tips of his ears were tinged with pink, and his eyes were fixed on Logan’s face. “Logan?” he breathed after a moment.

“Yes?” Logan responded in an equally quiet tone.

Janus swallowed. “You—you should—” He hesitated. “Never mind.”

Logan’s brow wrinkled. “What is it?”

“Nothing,” Janus insisted, looking away. “Can I—can I have some water?”

Logan bit the inside of his cheek, half wanting to press and find out what Janus had been going to say, but something deep inside him was a little terrified to find out. And water consumption was important, particularly during a recovery phase such as this one. “Alright.” He got to his feet so he could reach the pitcher of water, infused with lemon slices and mint leaves, a little further along the wide sidetable that had been set up on Janus’s side of the bed, and poured a glass.

“Thank you,” Janus murmured, not meeting Logan’s eyes as he accepted the glass and drank gratefully.

“Of course.” Logan hesitated, rocking back and forth slightly on his feet as he deliberated what to do. He went across the room to retrieve his book, came back to the bed, and climbed into it, sitting as close as he could get to Janus without technically encroaching on his side of the bed. “You look so happy,” he commented quietly.

Janus relaxed as Logan settled in. “I am,” he said, glancing down at his bandaged chest. “I’m—” His voice broke. “I’m so happy, Logan.”

Logan reached over and pressed his hand. “I am very glad to hear it.”

Janus smiled, glancing over at him; his gaze fell to the book in Logan’s hand. “Would you read to me?” he asked, seeming almost hesitant.

Logan found himself startled by the request, but—“Of course,” he said. “Would you like me to start from the beginning, or—?”

“No.” Janus shook his head. “Start from wherever you’re at. I just like hearing your voice.”

Logan’s heart again did the odd stumble in his chest. Perhaps he ought to look into that and see if it was a sign of anything concerning. But he set that aside to focus on later, flipping open the book and running his finger down the page until he found where he’d left off.

Janus closed his eyes and leaned back against the pillow as Logan began to read aloud, a peaceful smile playing at his lips. It made Logan feel warm and comfortable inside. Perhaps he ought to try reading to Janus more often—it was a pleasant pastime.

***

“Janus, that’s cheating!” Roman cried.

“I think you just don’t like that I’m winning.” Janus, who was definitely cheating, came to a halt in the pool, treading water. “Besides, Remus is cheating worse.” It was the height of summer, and the whole family had been taking frequent advantage of the large pool located deep in the private section of the royal gardens. Today, Remy and Janus were playing water volleyball against Roman and Virgil, while Remus swam about at the bottom of the pool, grabbing ankles, and surfaced to splash people in the eyes. Logan was seated on the side of the pool a ways off, well out of the splash zone, so he could dangle his legs in the water while reading.

“Remus always does that.” Roman rolled his eyes. “He’s not even playing.”

Remus ducked his head underwater, surfacing with his cheeks puffed, and blew a stream of water in Roman’s face. “I’m not!” he confirmed gleefully as Roman sputtered. “Just making everyone’s lives more fun!”

“Fun is one word for it,” Virgil said, splashing a large wave at Remus.

This prompted everyone in the pool to forget the game and devolve into a free-for-all splash war, full of shouts and laughter and sending great sprays of water up into the air. Logan scooted another few feet away from them, just in case, holding his book protectively against his chest as he moved.

As he resettled himself, Janus broke away from the group and swam towards him. “Logan—Logan!”

Logan sighed and handed off his book to one of the guards. He shifted his weight, leaning forward over the pool as Janus came to a stop before him. “What is it?”

“You should come in.” Janus slicked his wet hair back out of his face and reached up, coming all the way up against the wall of the pool and taking both Logan’s hands in his own water-pruned ones. “It’s so nice.”

Logan grinned, swinging Janus’s hands back and forth. “Is it?”

Janus smirked up at him. “It would be a lot nicer with you. But yes.”

“How touching,” Logan said softly, heart delightfully warm within his chest.

Janus’s smirk turned into a full smile as he leaned further out of the pool, closer to Logan, all sunshiny and happy and perfect and Logan wanted to lean down just a little more and kiss him right on his handsome mouth—

Wait, what?

Janus pushed off the side of the pool, keeping a tight hold on Logan’s hands and dragging him into the water with a splash, sending him head-over-heels as he struggled to get his bearing. Though Logan was able to quickly right himself, begin treading water, and cough up the mouthful he had swallowed in his surprise, his head did not stop spinning.

What had that been?

Still coughing, Logan pushed his hair out of his eyes, staring at Janus. He was laughing, laughing so hard his eyes were closed and his whole face was scrunched up.

He still looked extremely kissable.

Oh.

Oh, no.

Janus composed himself, smile still spread wide across his face, and seized Logan’s hands once more, his touch almost burning from how hard Logan found himself focusing on it. “Sorry. Forgot that I’m taller than you,” he teased. “Didn’t account for how much deeper the water would be for you.”

“Shut up,” Logan responded automatically, barely even processing what Janus had said, his heart thudding in his throat. Had he been in denial about this? He couldn’t have been—couldn’t have missed or repressed awareness of something this big. Right? Right?

Janus laughed, the sound sparking a feeling of warmth and delight and undeniably love in Logan’s chest. “Come on, come play!” Janus insisted. “We’ll kick your brothers’ asses!” He tugged Logan towards the rest of the group on the other end of the pool, where the splash war was beginning to die down.

Logan’s world was crumbling to pieces. He absolutely, positively, could not be in love with his husband. It was out of the question. Unacceptable. It was surely the last thing Janus would want. It would put undue pressure on him; after all, they lived in Logan’s kingdom. Logan’s home. Logan held more power here. It would be inappropriate to ask Janus for more than he was willing to give. He couldn’t do that to Janus.

But, as he followed Janus across the pool, his mind was filled with memories of Janus smiling, laughing, teasing him, looking at him, cuddling up against him, holding his hand, Janus, Janus, Janus, and oh, did Logan want to hold him and kiss him, kiss his mouth and his hands and his cheeks and forehead and freckles and birthmark and everything, and have that same closeness they’d had for so long now, but in an in love way, not a friends way. He wanted it, wanted it so badly, with a familiar ache that was making much of the last few months make much more sense in light of this new realization.

And he could not have it.

Logan tugged his hand away from Janus and swam the remaining distance to the others by himself, eyes stinging in a way that had nothing to do with the pool water.

Taglist (ask to be added/removed!): @icecoldflames @theimprobabledreamersworld @simplestoryteller @cromatheskeleton

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sunshineandteddybears · 4 years ago

Text

A Magical Time

This is my gift for @zheonlybeean for the @sanderssidesgiftxchange. I filled out all 3 of the ideas given which were Christmas Eve, Platonic Soulmates, and Red String of Fate Summery: Christmas Season has come again as we look upon 3 different sets of soulmates enjoying the festivities in their own ways. Roman and Virgil sharing a tender moment; Remus and Patton enjoying the night to their silly hearts’ content; and Logan fighting a tired old battle as he brings his boyfriend Nate over to Janus’ family Christmas party.

The Christmas season was a magical time in Roman’s humble opinion. The lights that decorated homes and shops made the night sky glow, the air seemed to carry the scent of peppermint and gingerbread wherever he went, and snow painted everything in an ethereal white. And to top it all off, it was Christmas Eve. Truly, the essence of whimsy. It was no wonder this was his favorite time of year. “Come on!” he urged, tugging the gloved covered hand in his as he made his way through the Winter Carnival. His pseudo reluctant companion Virgil grumbled but quickened his pace.

“Why couldn’t we have come when the sun was still out?” The epitome of The Nightmare Before Christmas complained, burying his face into his purple scarf.

“Because everything is prettier at night!” Roman answered, gesturing to the obvious atmosphere. “Now, let’s get in line for the ferris wheel!” It was his favorite thing to do at the carnival. It was always first on his list.

“You’re such a cliché.” Virgil drawled out, but there was a soft smile on his lips. Roman huffed all the same, rolling his eyes at the other.

“Like you’re one to talk.” he said, using his free hand to poke his companion in the chest. “You’re worse than I am with Halloween.” Virgil merely shrugged in response, offering no rebuttal. Not that Roman would have heard, as his attention was soon taken away by the ride once they made it to the line. Chestnut brown eyes sparkled in the lights that decorated it, creating a magical atmosphere. He couldn’t help but sigh wistfully.

“What’s up?”

“It’s silly.”

“Doesn’t matter, just tell me.” Roman chuckled quietly at that before rubbing the back of his neck.

“It’s just… like you said. The whole ferris wheel at night is a cliché right out of a romcom,” he explained, a bittersweet smile on his face. “And I love that stuff, and I always fantasized about having these kinds of experiences when I was younger…”

“But?” “I guess I just feel like I’m some kind of fraud? Or maybe that I don’t deserve it?” When Virgil didn’t respond, Roman pushed on. “Or um, maybe it’s unfair to you? Cause this is stuff couples do and-” A pressure on his hand stopped him. Swallowing, he turned and finally looked at the other.

“We might not be a couple,” the other began, his voice soft, “but we’re still partners. Maybe not like how it is for other people, but I think it counts. And if doing this stuff makes you happy, then you don’t need to find a way to justify it.” Snow began to fall, flakes gently landing in Virgil’s black curls as he looked away shyly. “Besides, I love you and you love me in the way that you can. That’s more than enough.” Roman blinked before smiling bashfully, leaning into the other’s space to bury his face in the available shoulder. “I really lucked out with you as a Soulmate,” he murmured, peeking up in time to watch brown cheeks grow even darker in a flush. The line moved, as it had been doing during their quiet conversation, and before he knew it the two were guided into their little compartment.

“I’m the lucky one.” Virgil muttered as they got in, making Roman smile all the more. The two sat close together and looked out the window as they rose up, watching as snow fell gently over the carnival.

Their matching marks glowed softly beneath their gloves.

-------

“We have a winner!”

Remus cackled with glee as he was given his prize, a large sized frog in a santa hat. He had no idea what frogs had to do with Christmas, and the thing wasn’t very good quality, but he thought it was the funniest thing. “Happy Not Jesus’ Actual Birthday!” he declared, turning to his left to present it to his companion.

“Awww!” Patton gushed, taking the weird santa frog and hugging it to his chest. “I love it! Thank you Squishy!” Remus grinned proudly, while quietly snickering at the pet name for what had to be the three-hundredth time. He couldn’t help it though, it was funny! A fact Patton knew cause he always giggled when he used it. The two wandered away from the game booth, close enough for their arms to brush as they walked side by side. They took in the sights, the different games available to play and the people gathered around them all.

Dark chestnut eyes grew wide when Remus spotted a photobooth, latching onto Patton’s arm in his excitement. “PHOTOBOOTH!!!” he shouted, ignoring the stares that brought as he hopped in place. His reaction was contagious, for the other began to hop as well with a wide grin.

“Oh my gosh we gotta do it!!!” The two young men giggled as they raced through the crowd to the booth. They arrived just as a group walked away with their pictures, leaving it empty just for them. The two rushed inside, still giggling in excitement as Remus dug out a five dollar bill and put it in the machine. “Oh, it's one we can choose the background for!”

“Ooooh! What options are there?” Eager, the two scrolled through different backgrounds. All were Christmas or winter themed. “Can we do a different one for each picture?” Remus asked, spotting a few he really liked.

“I think so?”

“Okay, then let’s do Naughty and Nice one and uh… oh! The Nutcracker one!” He didn’t really care about the story or ballet or whatever, he just liked the name really. Maybe it meant he was still emotionally ten, but that was just funny to him. Patton hummed thoughtfully as he selected the choices before scrolling through the other options. Remus bounced lightly in the seat, eager to see what the other chose. First was a Deck the Halls type one, that had the words Fa-la-la-la-la-la written across the bottom in glittery green. Very sparkly. The last one was a holly frame, green and red berries everywhere. Save for the top where there was a sprig of mistletoe meant to hang over their heads.

Remus’ heart stuttered a little at the sight of it before he frowned and shook his head. Patton probably hadn’t seen that part. Though it did have the words 'Merry Kissmas’ on it. But that meant he picked it for the pun. Patton loved puns. Not- not him. Not like that anyway. And that was okay. Patton didn’t love anyone like that. He was like Remus’ twin, he just loved differently. Remus was thankful that the sweet bubbly guy wanted any kind of relationship with him, soulmates or not. He could have wanted nothing to do with him, like so many others. But instead, he chose to spend time with him, to have a friendship, and then that friendship evolved into a Queer Platonic Relationship.

From what Remus knew from his brother’s QPR with his soulmate, kissing wasn’t involved. Well okay, sometimes Virgil would, like, kiss Roman’s hand or the top of his head, but that was because Roman liked stuff like that cause it was in fairy tales and shit like that. Patton liked all that too but not for the same reasons. He was affectionate, but not the kisses kind. So the mistletoe wasn’t any sort of signal or something.

“Ready?” Patton’s words snapped him out of his own head, and Remus nodded his head quickly. Both to answer the other and to rattle his brain clear. His action received a grin and a press of a button. The screen showed a countdown and all thoughts about kissing and signals left his mind. The two scrambled to make their first silly pose, with Patton holding his hands up like antlers and Remus using his fingers to pull at his mouth while his eyes rolled to the back of his head. The flash lit off and then the next countdown began. The two went on making their silly poses, laughing after each one. And then the final picture came and Remus remembered the mistletoe frame all over again. His eyes flickered between the screen and Patton’s face, pulse racing the closer the clock reached zero. Two seconds remaining, he let impulse win and crashed his body into his soulmate’s. Mustache and lips pressed into a soft cheek, it’s supple flesh warming the chapped skin. The second he made contact, he felt both elation and panic and in the next second made another impulsive decision.

He blew a raspberry.

Patton squealed from the vibrations, just in time for the flash to go off. Laughter filled the booth while he squirmed in Remus’ hold. It filled the raspberry fiend with happiness and a new nefarious plan, moving his lips to blow more along Pattons’ skin. “R-r-reemuusss!” The bubbly man cried out, hardly able to talk from his laughing frenzy. “Th-that tickles!!” Finally he relented, pulling his mouth away while his hands released the cozy body. He snickered as Patton caught his breath, looking with glee at the sickly neon green that now painted the other’s skin thanks to his touch.

“Goober.” Remus snickered more as Patton playfully shoved him. “Come on! Let’s go see our pictures!” At Patton’s urging, which contained more little shoves, he moved out of the booth and held the curtain back for the other.

“Don’t forget your froggy,” he reminded him, making Patton gasp as he indeed almost forgot his carnival prize. Frog retrieved, the two stood by where the pictures were meant to be printed. Both excited to see the results. The moment the first copy printed off, Patton snatched it up in a frenzy, a wide smile stretched on his face. Remus grabbed the second and took a moment to admire the photos. They were all silly, which was what they wanted to achieve. Though when he got to the last one, he felt his heart thud in his chest once more. One couldn’t tell by looking that Remus was blowing a raspberry, it looked like he simply kissed the other on the cheek. And Patton looked so happy, face frozen in squealed laughter. It was so nice. But it also looked couplely and that wasn’t what they were about-

“This one’s my favorite.” Patton’s voice drew Remus out of his head once more, blinking his eyes as he noticed that the bubbly man was pointing at the last picture. “Don’t we look cute?” Wordlessly, he nodded. He looked to Patton nervously, biting his bottom lip as he waited for… something. Anything to show if what he did was okay or if he screwed up. Every lecture he ever gotten in his life about respecting people’s boundaries unhelpfully returned to his mind. Where was that before he acted on his impulse?

When it was clear Patton wasn’t going to say anything, Remus frowned and bounced on his feet. He could leave it, not bring it up at all. But no response made him restless. He wasn’t one to just let things go unsaid, for better or worse. “So what do you wanna do ne-”

“Did I mess up?” He hadn’t meant to interrupt Patton. The words sorta just spilled out of him. But they were out there now, couldn’t be brought back in. When Patton casted confused eyes his way, he simply continued on. “With the cheek thing.” Remus frowned as he swung his hands around. “I didn’t ask if it was okay, and I just went with it even though I know we’re not a couple and that you’re not that kind of affectionate and I don’t even know why I did it, I just saw the mistletoe and then it was all I could think about and it’s stupid-”

Patton was suddenly much closer and something pressed against his mouth. It took Remus five whole seconds after Patton pulled away to realize that he’d been kissed. It took five more for the realization to sink in. “What the fu-” “I like kisses.” Patton said as explanation, grinning brightly. “They’re nice.” With that, he wrapped an arm around Remus’ and began to tug them away from the booth.

“So it’s okay to do that sometimes?” he asked, just to double check.

“Mmhmm.” Well that was a relief. “Just no tongue.”

“Fiiiiiiine.”

-------

“You sure it’s okay for me to come along?”

“Yes. Janus invited you personally.” Logan calmly stated, for what had to be the fifth time that day. He and Nate, his boyfriend of seventh months, were approaching his best friend’s house for a Christmas party. As they approached the house, the little red string tied around his pinky shortened.

“Yeah but like, is his family okay with it?” Nate asked, his own hands stuffed into the pockets of his leather jacket. The bespectacled man sighed before reaching out to touch his boyfriend’s arm.

“His parents are happy to have you.” he began, giving an encouraging pat. “The rest of his family… merely have a hard time processing our dynamic.” That was an understatement, but it was the most polite way he could think of saying they were stuck in old beliefs. “The point remains, you were invited.” “Yeah okay.” The two reached the door and Logan lifted his left hand to knock. Laughter and chatter could be heard inside, some of it in English and some of it in Korean. The sound grew louder as the door opened, revealing a young man with dark splotches on his left half of his face.

“Oh thank god you’re finally here.” Janus sighed out, opening the door more to let the two of them in. “Now I don’t have to deal with my grandparents alone.” Logan snorted as they crossed the threshold, rolling his eyes at his friend’s dramatics. “Glad you could come Nate. Logan, Auntie is going to ambush you the second she spots you.” Now, it was his turn to sigh, nodding to show he heard while he took off his coat.

“Very well. Thank you for the warning.” Janus’ Aunt was fond of him, to put it mildly. She was one of the louder voices of his friend’s family to try and push the two of them together romantically. Ignoring the fact that neither had ever held such feelings for the other. All because of a silly little red string that bonded them as soulmates.

Of course, Logan wasn’t ignorant or dismissive of the cultural significance it held, but Janus and he were not the only platonic soulmates in existence. To still insist the contrary simply because their soul bond was a red string tied to their pinkies however, was regressive. There was no reason for it beyond tradition and old beliefs, and society had evolved long past forcing soulmates to marry out of obligation.

“Is there anything I should be warned about?” Nate asked, bringing Logan’s attention back to him as he too took off his jacket. Wordlessly, he reached out and took his boyfriend’s hand. Intertwining their fingers together as he moved in closer. Janus hung both of their jackets up while clicking his tongue in thought.

“My grandparents on my mother’s side don’t speak English, and they’ll probably call you some dirty words that you won’t understand. Just smile and be polite like you don’t have a clue, and they’ll behave themselves.” He instructed, “Auntie will talk about how great Logan and I are together, ignore her. My younger cousins just know what the adults tell them, so they’ll be distant at first. But talk about your motorcycle or about video games and they’ll warm up to you fast.” With that, Janus patted Nate on the back. “Everyone else will be chill, so don’t worry about them.” Logan could feel his boyfriend finally start to relax. “Oh except for Uncle Bob. He just got out of prison and he’s itching for a fight.”

“He’s lying.” Logan quickly interjected, glaring at Janus who merely snickered and shrugged. “None of his relatives have ever been arrested and his uncle is a pacifist.”

“Promise?”

“I Promise.”

“Spoil sport.” Janus teased, sticking his tongue out at them. Logan rolled his eyes in return. “Okay, ready to plunge into a snake pit?”

“Shouldn’t that be ‘the lions’ den’?” Nate asked, squeezing Logan’s hand as they began to walk down the hall and towards all the voices.

“Not in this family it’s not.” Was all Janus said before pushing them into the living room. “Logan and Nate are here!” he called out, bringing forth everyone’s attention. Janus' parents greeted the two warmly, as did his father’s side of the family, while select members of the mother’s side gave polite greetings while appraising Nate. There was no mistaking the looks down at their intertwined hands. “Good luck.” Janus whispered before taking off for the kitchen. Traitor.

“Let’s get this over with.” Logan muttered quietly before giving a smile to everyone.

“We got this.” was Nate’s quiet response. Sounding more sure than he did just a few minutes prior. It made his smile turn just a bit more fond, heart filled with warmth to know that meeting his soulmate’s family wasn’t going to scare off the man he loved.

It made the Christmas season just a little more magical.

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mypartnersaysimcute · 4 years ago

Photo

QPR Loceit moodboard for anon!! Thank you for the request, I hope you like it! :D

#qpr #qpr moodboard #loceit #loceit moodboard #sanders sides #ts logan #ts janus #logan sanders #janus sanders

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northlight14 · 4 years ago

Text

Writing masterpost

🌈Sander sides:

One shots:

I promise I’m trying- Roman failed yet another test. Logan is there to support him

ships: platonic logince

Also on ao3

Not so alone after all- After a lot of enbyphobic comments are made in Virgil’s class, zie retreat to the bathroom to have a panic attack. Zie is then found by a student who is able to help zim though it.

ships: platonic or romantic analogical

Also on ao3

🌈Starry nights and heavy guitars- Logan gets dragged out to a late night drive with his boyfriends.

Ships: analodemus

Also on ao3

(The title was originally something different but I changed it for ao3, Wattpad and this master post, just for those confused.)

🌈Another secret to keep- Janus gets back home from a pride event. Now he has to deal with his homophobic dad.

Ships: platonic demus

Also on ao3

🌈Gettin’ bi- Really, all Roman wanted was some time to relax after a long week. But, of coarse, his brother Remus has to come in and ruin his binge watching session.

Ships: platonic creativity twins, implied roceit

Also on ao3

🌈Breakups, birthdays and drag shows- Roman and Janus broke up and now Roman can’t celebrate his birthday with him. Now it’s Virgil’s job as his best friend to cheer him up.

Ships: platonic prinxiety, creativity twins, past roceit

Also on ao3

🌈A love for love- Roman loved love. He always had, even as a small child. So why was it so different whenever he was involved?

Ships: unrequited royality, platonic roceit, romantic demus

Also on ao3

Drabble:

Reasons not to duck out- Patton helps Virgil clean his room and Virgil finds something he hasn’t seen in ages.

Ships: platonic moxiety

🦸My hero academia:

Movie night- The polycule has a movie night. Yaoyorozu is banned from the kitchen, Jirou gets replaced by popcorn, Kaminari is scared, Shinsou is the loud blonde protector and Monoma doesn’t know how to dress casual.

Ships- MonoShinKamiMomoJirou (Monoshin, shinkami, kamijiro, momojirou)

Also on ao3

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therubyjailcell · 5 years ago

Text

Different Together - [Sanders Sides Secret Santa 2019]

A/N: This is my submission for @sanderssantas‘ event! It was made for @citrusmoonlight, in response to the prompt they submitted, "tattoo parlor/flower shop au, patton is a tattoo artist and virgil is the owner of the flower shop and lives above the shop and they’re cute and fluffy with each other" I had a lot of fun writing this, and I hope it's fun for you to read! :) Also, Dee is non-binary (xe/xem) and sympathetic, and there’s a mention of Remus at one point

Summary: Patton and Virgil are widely different. One is a tall, sort of threatening looking tattoo artist, the other is sweet and pastel, and owns a flower shop... But they're together anyway. Who cares if it's not in the way expected by others?

Ship: QPR Moxiety, romantic Loceit

TW: None that I can think of? Maybe a difficulty for people to understand QPRs and some confusion about aromantism.

WC: 3254

Patton glanced out of the window of his shop, to the flower shop across the street, trying to catch at least a glimpse at the owner of said shop - and sure enough, Virgil was there, smiling at a customer. Patton couldn’t help the fond smile that made its way to his lips, and he let out a giggle - a reaction seemingly very out of character for someone who looked like him, but really wasn’t, if you knew him well enough. Despite looking like a biker of sort, with his many many tattoos and piercings, and his destroy/punk rock kind of style, as well as his usually heavy makeup, Patton has always been a happy person, with a soft side for the people he held dear - like Virgil, for example.

The older man let out a content sigh before looking back at the tattoo design he had been working on these past few days - but it was never quite right. The tattoo was meant for Virgil, and it had to be perfect, a perfect design for the most perfect person in Patton’s world. Virgil had asked Patton to make him his tattoo, first tattoo - and how weird it felt, imagining Virgil with a tattoo made by him. Not bad! Just strange. Virgil with a tattoo was strange. But also, for everyone but the two of them, Virgil anywhere near Patton’s shop was strange - even simply Virgil around Patton was strange. Virgil was soft on the outside, and he liked pastel colors and black, wore a lot of dresses, always had hair clips, and dyed his hair in pastel colors, he liked to wear too big clothes, and a touch of make up, and he smiled slightly, a shy smile, always - even on bad days. Whereas Patton looked strong and threatening to most, Virgil looked quiet and fragile. The older man knew better though. He’d seen Virgil angry against people, he’d seen Virgil snap before - he’d seen the other break before, too. Neither of these were things he’d want to ever see again. While Patton looked mean and bad, but was actually soft and caring, Virgil looked soft and sweet, but was actually anxious and extremely cautious about other humans. Not many people were allowed near him, let alone near his heart - and Patton would never be grateful enough to be allowed this close.

It had taken a while though. Patton and Virgil knew each other since they were kids, but Patton was mostly friend with the twins, Virgil’s older brothers, Roman and Remus, at the time. Virgil was a couple of years younger, already rather shy, already with a rather big temper. Roman and Remus were Patton’s best friends at the time, and Patton spent a lot of time at their place - their parents were working a lot, but really sweet and caring. Patton’s parents were… not that nice - doing their best, but clearly had done well not to get any other kids. As they were halfway through middle school, Patton’s mom got a new job, on the other side of the state, and Patton’s family moved out to another city. And at first, Patton and the twins kept in touch, they did! But as time passed, Remus and Patton grew apart, and then Roman and Patton did too - that was just life. Patton kind of stopped thinking about it.

He went through the rest of middle school and then high school with a lot of difficulties - he wasn’t the smart teacher’s pet, nor the most popular amongst his fellow students, his parents were busy a lot. He grew up on his own, mostly, and in high school, he met one of his best friends, Logan. They kind of made their own group together, Logan being the one who introduced Patton to most of his now favourite bands. Logan was smart enough to get away with most things, and together, they had a lot of fun. It was with Logan that Patton discovered the art of tattoos, and with Logan that he had gone to study it. It was with Logan that he had created his shop. Patton was proud of this, and a couple of months after the opening, Logan had shyly introduced to Patton his new partner - Devyn. Logan had been really nervous about it for some reason, and Patton had reassured him quickly - and even become friends with Devyn. They didn’t always agree together, but Patton liked xem well, and he honestly had to admit, Logan and Devyn were lovely together.

About 6 months after opening the shop, Patton had noticed the shop across the street, which had been so far closed at all times, was being renovated. He wondered what it was going to become - and about 2 weeks after, he got his answer as a large sign was hung above the windows. A flower shop - Patton was sort of intrigued in all honesty. A few days after that, the store was opened, and when Patton got some time, he went in to greet the new person around. And meeting Virgil (again) had been… the strangest thing in Patton’s life. The man behind the counter was humming quietly as he was arranging flowers together, and Patton’s brain shut down a bit. Virgil looked like he came from some kind of fantastic land, almost fairy-like, with all the pastel colours, the number of jewels he was wearing, and the way he walked around. Virgil looked up at Patton and smiled, greeting him, and Patton almost lost his voice. It took him a minute before he managed to explain he was from the shop across the street, and that his name was Patton Hart, and-

“I used to know someone named like that., the other giggled, My name’s Virgil Kingsley. Nice to meet you!”

Patton blinked at the name - he knew that name. He observed Virgil before he realised. Virgil definitely looked like Roman and Remus.

“Do you have brothers?

- … Excuse me?, the other said, obviously confused.

- Sorry, hm- But, do you have brothers? Twins? Your brothers, if you have them, are they twins?

- I- Well, yeah, how-?, the other paused before his eyes widened, You are Roman and Remus’s old friend!

- Wow, that was definitely not how I expected to see you again. Actually, I didn’t think I would see you again - no offense, sorry.

- None taken, I didn’t think I’d see you again either. But yesterday I was looking at old pictures and, well, you were there - you changed.

- I guess so…, he said, looking at Virgil up and down before smiling, So did you. Last time I saw you, you wore nearly only black - and now, you’ve got plenty of colour, I see?

- Hah, well… Long story. Life happened. And, well, you wore so much color, I guess we traded then?

- Life happened, yeah. I don’t think the trade was bad though, colours suit you.

- Thanks. Black suits you too.”

They chatted together for a while, that day, before Patton headed back to his shop. It was nice - and they met up again the next day, and the one after, and the one after that too. They kept meeting for a while, always during lunch break though. It was nice - Patton felt happy around Virgil. Life happened - a year, two, three -, and after a while, Virgil nervously asked Patton if they could maybe meet up outside of working hours. Patton had obviously accepted, and they met at Virgil’s flat, which was right above the shop. The evening had been nice, they’d chatted, caught up more than usual, and in the end, Virgil had admitted he kind of wanted to trust Patton - and Patton knew how much it meant, he knew that meant Virgil liked him enough to want to try and trust him, he knew how hard it was to trust people when one has trust issues, and he knew that meant a lot. It meant the world to the older man at least - he promised Virgil he would do everything to never make him regret that decision. And the smile on Virgil’s face definitely made sure he’d keep his promise.

A lot of people asked about their relationship. Logan had been the first to call Virgil “Patton’s boyfriend”, which had unsettled Patton. They weren’t boyfriends, neither of them had asked the other out…? He had told that to Logan, which had looked a bit confused but had apologised - he had assumed, with how much time they spent together, but wouldn’t do it again. Some time later, Devyn had mentioned something about them acting like a married couple already despite only dating - Patton corrected xem as well, and xe had frowned slightly, apologising again, and glancing at Logan who had shaken his head. Patton had been really confused about this, and couldn’t get the thought out of his head. After several other people commented, but once he had corrected them, had been way less comprehensive as Logan and Devyn, and hadn’t apologised to him for assuming, Patton started to feel a bit upset. He had never really dated anyone before, never really thought about it - he didn’t know what it felt like, to be in love. He knew he loved Virgil - but he had no idea how, never really looked into it. He didn’t like the feeling of people assuming something or acting like they knew better than him. He felt uncomfortable about it. After a bit, he decided he should ask Virgil about it: the younger man seemed to have answers to everything, like some kind of magical being - and he had the ability to calm Patton down so easily.

“Hey, Veevee?, mumbled the older man that night, staring at the floor.

- What’s up Patt?, answered Virgil, observing him attentively.”

Patton had been relatively quiet that night, and he could feel his friend’s worry radiating off of him. He felt really bad about that - he didn’t mean to upset him. He sighed and shrugged slightly, hugging himself - he hadn’t really been up for hugs tonight, and Virgil had respected that, but a part of the older man had hoped that for once, the younger one had refused to listen. Patton wasn’t really sure what he wanted, honestly.

“People keep asking if we’re dating- No. They keep saying we are, and act like I’m stupid and don’t know something when I correct them - am I? Stupid, I mean. Did I just… not realise something?

- Oh, Patt, no-, Virgil started then sighed, shaking his head.”

The younger man scooted slightly closer and held out a hand for Patton to hold, not forcing the other to take it though. Patton didn’t take it, but he did shift to lay his head in Virgil’s lap. The other smiled softly and ran his fingers through Patton’s hair - that always made the other relax, and today was no exception. Patton was so grateful for this.

“You’re not stupid, Patt. You didn’t miss anything, I promise., Virgil said, looking at him with a fond look.

- Then… Why do people keep doing this…?

- Because they don’t understand this. They don’t understand us.”

Patton looked at him, and smiled slightly. He liked that answer. It felt better than him not understanding them. Virgil hummed softly.

“Do you know what aromantic means, Patt?, the younger man asked softly.”

Virgil was slightly hesitant, looking away - and Patton frowned slightly at that. Virgil wasn’t usually nervous around him, let alone anxious… He observed him for a bit, before shaking his head. Virgil glanced back at him and gulped. Patton reached out for Virgil’s cheek, brushing his thumb over the other man’s cheek bone in soothing motions. Anything to help Virgil feel more comfortable. The younger man leaned into the touch and seemed to relax slowly.

“Aromantism means a lack of romantic attraction., he muttered, eyes closed, voice shaking slightly, It means you don’t fall in love romantically with anyone.

- Oh., Patton whispered, watching the other with wide eyes.

- It’s a spectrum, too. Some people don’t feel any romantic attractions, some people feel some very rarely, some only when they know someone very well…

- Okay., Patton whispered, mostly to reassure Virgil that he was still there, still listening.”

Virgil sighed, pausing for a bit. Patton watched him, still brushing his thumb on the other man’s cheek bone, hoping it would help Virgil feel less anxious - it did seem to help a little. Virgil took a deep breath before nodding slightly.

“I’m somewhere on that spectrum., he whispered.

- Okay., Patton whispered back.

- … Okay…?, Virgil asked, a bit worried, looking back at the older man.

- Okay., the other repeated, nodding and smiling.”

They stayed quiet for a couple of minutes, before Virgil smiled slightly. It was a small smile, a relaxed smile, a calm smile. A loving smile. And Patton smiled back - because that was a smile he loved to see, really. They just stayed like that for a while, before it suddenly hit Patton.

“I think I am too…?, he said, looking kind of surprised at himself.”

Virgil raised an eyebrow, a bit confused as Patton sat up, his face litting up as realisation hit him.

“I- I mean, it’d make sense, right…? I never really fell in love, nor wanted to - never really thought about it either. I don’t even know what it feels like…? I’m not- I love you, but it’s not like what people say when they’re in love with someone, I just… I love you, but not romantically, and I’m kind of relieved but also not, and I don’t know, I-

- Patton, breathe., Virgil cut him off, taking his hands, Everything’s okay, take a deep breath.”

Patton stopped talking and took a deep breath, then another, following Virgil’s instructions and breathing pattern. After a few seconds, he was feeling calmer, and Virgil gave him a smile.

“Everything is okay. I love you too. Not in a romantic way either - but not as a friend either. Is that how you feel? Not something like romance, but not like friendship either? Different?

- Yeah!, Patton nodded.

- Okay. Glad the feeling is mutual. Do you want to put a label on it? On us?”

Patton had thought about it for a bit, before he had shrugged slightly, scooting back next to Virgil. He had put his head back into Virgil’s lap, looking at him.

“Could it have a name, a label?

- Yeah. If we want to.

- What would it be? It doesn’t have to have one, but if it had a label, what would it be? And then we can choose if we put a label on or not.”

Virgil smiled and chuckled, before humming.

“Sounds like a plan. Do you know what a Queer Platonic Relationship is?”

They had talked about it all night, looked at names, and labels, and more. Patton had never really looked into this, never really thought about it - he supported the LGBTQ+ community, because all people should have the same rights, but he had never thought about who were the people inside. Virgil seemed to know though, and Patton was amazed at Virgil’s knowledge. The younger man explained how Roman and Remus had introduced him to most terms, and how he had looked into it after that. Patton had kissed his cheek and told him how amazing he was - the other had blushed and giggled. That night had been a good night, and Patton was glad he had brought up the subject. It was better than bottling things and worried up. And when they had explained it to Logan and Devyn, the two others had smiled and nodded, and told them that they were happy as long as the two were happy.

Patton looked up as he heard the bell above the door chime, indicating someone had entered the shop. Sure enough, there was someone: his partner was there, smiling fondly, and carrying a large bouquet of flowers - better even, these were the ones Patton had been trying to draw for the past days. Virgil walked to him and kissed his cheek, and Patton smiled at him.

“What are you doing here, Vee?

- Came to see my favourite person in the world - he didn’t drop by at lunch, and I was getting worried you might’ve gotten lost., the other teased.

- I- Lunch?, Patton mumbled, glancing at the clock and gasping at the time, Oh! I’m so sorry Veevee, I forgot to check the time, I didn’t notice it was so late already!

- It’s okay Patt. Don’t worry., Virgil chuckled as he put the flowers in a vase and placed it in the window, out of anyone’s way, I saw you were working, I just wanted to remind you you deserved a break too.

- Thanks Vee.

- You’re welcome Patt.”

Patton looked at him then the flowers.

“What are the flowers for?

- Logan said you’ve been working on a drawing with these specific flowers lately, to no avail. I thought having a model could help. What are you working on?

- Oh- thanks., he smiled then looked back at the design and sighed, I’m trying to do your design. You know? But… It’s never good enough. Doesn’t feel like it.

- My…? Oh, Patt., Virgil giggled softly.”

The younger man wrapped his arms around Patton from behind, taking advantage of the older one being sitting - he’d never reach his neck otherwise -, and left a kiss on the other’s cheek.

“Don’t torment yourself over it, love. I know it’ll be perfect anyway - it’ll come from you.

- I know, but-

- And Patt, don’t think I didn’t notice that these…, he said, pointing to all the flowers on Patton’s sketchbook, These are all of our favourite flowers together. You’re so sappy.”

Patton turned bright red as Virgil giggled. The younger one hummed.

“I made them into an arrangement. The bouquet I brought you? I combined them so they’d look better together. Maybe that’s why you don’t quite like it?

- I, well… It’s going to be on you forever, and I’d really rather not mess it up, you know? What if it doesn’t fit?

- Hence why I made the arrangement, Patt. You can use it. Don’t worry, love, you’re a talented artist, and it will fit. I promise you, it’ll be perfect to me. You’re just letting your worry take over.”

Virgil ran his fingers through Patton’s hair, and Patton relaxed. He smiled.

“You’re right. Sorry-

- Don’t you dare apologise for being the sweetest person on earth, Patton Hart., Virgil joke-threatened, Nor for wanting to apologise.

- You know me too well, Virge.

- I know. I’m glad I do.”

Patton smiled at Virgil, and Virgil smiled back. He glanced back at the sketch of a design in front of him, then the bouquet Virgil had put next to the window, before humming.

“I’ll finish this this afternoon. How about lunch now? Together?, he whispered to his partner.

- Is this a date, mister Hart?, Virgil teased with a grin.

- Yep! I need to get a proper lunch with my partner.

- Then it would be my pleasure to provide this opportunity., the younger one giggled.”

Patton got up and went to warn Logan, who smiled and nodded, shooing them out. They went to a restaurant nearby they had wanted to try out, and it was nice. Patton looked at Virgil and smiled at him. He was oh so lucky to have him. He was happy now - and he didn’t need anyone’s opinion on what they had. They might be different from what was expected of them - but they were different together, and that was all that mattered.

Gen Taglist:

@my-analogical-romance @sweetsweetemo @emologan @croftered-with-jam @creativity-killed-thekitten @complete-garbadge @ollyollyoxinfree

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sometimeswritingsometimesdying · 5 years ago

Text

OH GUYS I just had a wonderful au idea

It involves Cupid!patton (who’s aro and pan) and archangel Logan (who’s grey-ace) and human deceit (who’s grey-ro and trans) who all end up in a qpr/romantic relationship (but not always? Whatever, they love each other and that’s what matters)

Also Patton wants to use his arrows to make people friends and feel other kinds of love (he wants Emile and his patients to have a loving bond, Roman and Remus to rekindle their brotherhood, Thomas to love himself, ecc ecc) but his higher ups won’t let him

So he starts experimenting and trying to create his own arrows and tries to hide it from his bosses and he makes messes and messes up a bunch of times and makes the wrong peopls fall in love ecc ecc and Logan see’s what’s going on and decides to help him out

So they’d start testing stuff but their bosses find out and they’re banished and sent to earth where they live together and they meet Deceit and so they all end up together and Patton eventually realizes that people can and will find love on their own, that humanity is made to love in every shape or form, so he doesn’t worry anymore and enjoys his life as a mortal

#sanders sides #deceit sanders #patton sanders #logan sanders #logicality #or idk how to tag this really #qpr loceitality #hmmmm #cupid!patton #angel!logan #human!deceit #roman sanders #remus sanders #also they adopt virgil and remy #cupid patton au #also theres patton angst but im tired and dont feel like writing it all out

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sometimesiwriteangst · 5 years ago

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So I spent like six hours just reading through all this and it's just awesome. Um, I'd like to see more of Logan living with the Dark Sides and maybe Virgil still lives there too, because he still likes the others even though he just wants to be accepted by the core sides and all, so conflicted feelings and maybe Loceit? With a demisexual Deceit? Also it's weird but maybe a queerplatonic relationship between Remus and Virgil and Dee with an aroace Remus? And more abusive Patton? Have a good day!

(I got carried away and now you have 1,600 words of this-)

When Logan asks to stay with the dark sides, he doesn’t really expect to be told he can. He doesn’t expect Deceit to smile and ask if he wants help moving things over. He doesn’t expect Remus to pop up and ask if he wants the guest room or to share. He doesn’t expect Virgil to ask what he’s doing, and show no judgement in wanting to live there for a bit.

“Why would I judge?” Virgil asks, “don’t tell Patton, but, I still live there. I have a room here, but I use the room at theirs.”

“He’s with us a lot,” Remus says, “he’s our cute little buttercup!”

“Ugh, I told you not to call me that,” Virgil complains, “Deceit, make him call me something normal.”

“Sure thing, buttercup.”

“See what I have to put up with?”

Logan ends up taking the guest room, which is…much cleaner than he expected. And very nicely put together. In fact, he can’t help but notice how similar the layout is to his room…

He decides to ignore it for now.

“If you need anything, just let us know,” Virgil tells him, “I suggest asking me or Deceit. Remus sometimes takes requests…literally…but in a bad way…like a genie.”

“I see…” Logan smiles, “thank you, Virgil.”

Life settles down normally. Virgil is away during the day, but Deceit and Remus are always happy to spend time with Logan. Logan discovers Remus is an expert chess player, so long as he doesn’t eat the pieces, and that Deceit is hardcore at Risk. In fact, Logan’s pretty sure Deceit was a military leader in a past life, because he completely dominates the board within twenty minutes.

Video games are apparently popular – when Virgil spends the day with them they go nuts over it. At first, Logan just watches, seeing how…normal it is. Deceit and Remus bicker over who gets to be Bowser, and Virgil and Remus shoot nicknames at each other until Virgil asks Deceit for help. At which point Remus blatantly cheats.

They play Just Dance, and Logan is absolutely fascinated by the way Deceit moves. The liar gets into it, which Logan is more than a little impressed by. And if it’s oddly attractive…well, who cares? He can look.

“You seem happy with them,” Logan says to Virgil one night as he helps with the dishes, “why don’t you act like it back with Patton and Roman?”

Virgil hesitates. “…I just don’t want to be rejected, that’s all,” he says quietly, “and by the way, Patton wants to know when you’ll be back.”

Logan shrugs, says he doesn’t know. The more time he spends with the Dark Sides, the more he loves it, loves them.

“Do you mean it when you make all those…sexual references?” he asks Remus one day after Remus spends ten minutes making suggestive comments to Deceit.

“Oh no, not at all! I just like saying them!”

“He’s asexual,” Deceit clarifies.

“Dee, you forgot the aromantic part!”

“And aromantic.”

That’s how Logan finds out about Virgil and Remus’ relationship, which the pair define as “very much not romantic”. And how he finds out Deceit’s part of it as well.

He secretly feels jealous about it, but pushes it away. They were happy, and he really had no business intruding on their relationship.

Except that Virgil hugs him every evening, and Remus gives him a (surprisingly healthy and well cooked) breakfast each morning, along with asking whatever strange question he’s come up with that day.

(“Say, Logan, how big is a penguin’s butthole?”)

And Deceit smiles at him every time he sees him, and asks to sit by him whenever he’s curled up on the sofa, and if Logan didn’t like him before, he does now.

The peace comes to a halt when Virgil returns with bruises on his arms.

“What happened?” Logan asks, concerned and distraught.

Remus holds Virgil close whilst Deceit seems to look right through them.

“I’ll go talk to him,” he hears Deceit say quietly, stroking Virgil’s hair gently, “he can’t do this to you.”

“What if he hurts you?” Virgil whispers back, “please, he’s really angry…”

“I’ll be fine.”

Deceit is gone for four hours.

In the mean time Logan and Remus look after Virgil, giving him tea, wrapping blankets around him and gently reassuring him of his safety. Logan doesn’t understand what’s going on, but he still wants to help. And by the time Deceit returns he’s coaxed the pair into sleeping.

Deceit looks tired, and half collapses onto the floor, just lying there, spread out and breathing deeply.

“Are you okay?” Logan asks, even though it feels stupid to ask, and he crouches beside him, “what happened?”

Deceit glances at Logan, and bites his lip. “You don’t want to know.”

“I do. I want to help. What’s going on?”

“You…You can help.” Deceit grits his teeth as he lies.

“You don’t know that,” Logan says quickly, “come on, just tell me.”

Deceit sighs, then slowly sits upright.

“Fine. Here’s the gist of it. Our dearest Patton doesn’t like us Dark Sides. He hurts Remus and I, and used to hurt Virgil. Virgil was finally accepted, so it stopped for him. And now you’re here Patton is taking out his feelings on him.”

“I…I’m sorry…I never…I never meant to-”

Deceit’s eyes widen, the snake realising how it sounded.

“Oh no…no, Logan, none of us blame you!” he pulls Logan close to him, wrapping his arms around tightly, “no, it’s not your fault – we all love you being here – it’s Patton that’s the problem, not you, never you…”

“…I should be comforting you,” Logan says quietly.

“Then comfort me. I want to cuddle.”

And so they do, Logan trailing his hand over Deceit gently, massaging sore areas gently and listening to him sigh, shuffling closer until he’s flush against Logan.

“This feels nice,” Deceit admits, the truth coming slow and steady from him.

“Yes, massages are good for injuries and tense muscles, so it would,” Logan nods as he talks, about to explain how it works.

“No, I mean – oh I hate telling the truth – I mean, this. Being close to you, having you massage me. I really like it.”

And Logan blushes, clearing his throat and assuring Deceit he’s up for it at any time.

“…Would you…this is a bad time…would you also be up for…being my boyfriend?” Deceit is hesitant, clearly expecting a rejection that he doesn’t get.

Deceit tells Virgil and Remus eagerly once they’ve recovered, and Remus’ first response is to question if this means Logan’s joining their queerplatonic relationship.

“I’m cool with that,” Virgil says, and so it falls to Logan, who hesitates before nodding.

“If you’ll have me, then yes. Absolutely.”

The only thing that makes the new relationship dynamic difficult is Patton’s insistence that Logan rejoin the light sides.

“Thomas, your logical side has been with Deceit and Remus,” Patton says when Logan is summoned.

“Don’t speak bad about my boyfriend and partner,” is Logan’s response.

When they sink out he finds himself being pulled to the light side area, which is painful. He hits the ground, having not intended to sink in there, and Patton looks down on him.

“You can’t date them,” he says, “if you do, it’s them who are going to suffer.”

“You’re a coward,” Logan replies, standing up, “if it’s me causing the problem, pick your fight with me.”

He sees Patton hesitate.

“Just admit it, Patton. You’ll pick on them because you find it easy. You can hit Virgil and he’s too afraid to hit back. You can hurt Remus and if he fights back you’ll pin the blame on him. You hurt Deceit and if he tells anyone then it’s his fault,” Logan hisses, “you’re a coward. Either pick on me or don’t bother, because you will regret hurting the people I love.”

He sinks out following this, and is immediately pulled into cuddles with his loved ones.

Later that night he finds Deceit still awake, on the sofa long after the other two have fallen asleep.

“What’s wrong?” Logan asks him.

“…Roman said he heard you wanted to have sex with me,” Deceit admits, “…but Logan, I don’t…I don’t…”

“Well, he heard wrong. I never said that,” Logan states, knowing for a fact he’s never said or implied that, and sits beside his lover, “besides. If you don’t want that, then that’s fine.”

Deceit glances at Logan and smiles weakly. “I was worried you wouldn’t like finding out I was demi,” he says quietly.

“I have absolutely no problem with it,” is Logan’s response, and Deceit just has to kiss him for it.

Over time Roman starts joining them, quiet and not half as extra as he usually is. But his brother accepts him whole heartedly, even if the two insist on having duels and hitting each other with their weapons. And over time this is enough for Roman to come out of the shell he was in and start talking about everything that’s brought him there.

(Patton. Logan thinks it’s always been Patton.)

Logan is wary of Patton whenever they cross paths. He’s seen the marks down Deceit’s back, he’s heard Remus waking up screaming, and he’s been there when Virgil has broken down in tears. He sees Roman hesitate in joining in activities, hears Roman’s confession that he’s afraid of being considered a “dark side”.

“Don’t worry,” is what Virgil has to say about that, “there’s a lot of us now. Safety in numbers.”

There is, but most importantly, there’s peace in numbers, love in numbers, and Logan thinks this chaotic family is going to be okay.

#abusive patton #bruises #.qpr #dark sides #ambiguous content #violence #abuse #tw abuse #virgil sanders #remus sanders #roman sanders #deceit sanders #logan sanders #romantic loceit #loceit #everything else is platonic

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