#pyro soldier and engie join in for fun though

[spark-circuit]

struck by prophetic visions etc. you understand.

[evil8keta]

Mercs with a reader (PLATONIC)

who’s personality is kinda like invader zim? Not exactly like him, but just has that loud, crazy, demeanor?

HELL YEA! I LOVE CRAZY PPL

mercs with a loud and energetic reader

SCOUT

- i'm gonna be honest, scout was probably scared of you at first lol. he thought you're actually insane, but i think over time he would kinda grow a liking for you? so congratulations, you're now his prank buddy. actually, you're pretty much his buddy for any and all stupid shit that scout wants to do

SOLDIER

- oh he LOVES you!! i mean you're kinda like a mini version of him, so from the moment he saw you he pretends he's your dad or something. you two often yell at eachother and soldier is very proud of you and loves your enthusiasm, he thinks you're a fighter. this man does a lot of stupid and dangerous shit with you and hypes you up 24/7. you two are a powerful duo

PYRO

- now, pyro can be a bit immature, but i don't think the're the type to be very loud and eccentric like you. because of this pyro was also probably a bit scared of you at first (having pyro scared of someone is quite an accomplishment might i add). but over time pyro will most likely get used to you. i mean it's not like you're an evil threat or something you're just loud and off the walls lol. you two do get up to a lot of silly shenanigans together

HEAVY

- ughhh...so loud. heavy doesn't like very loud people, but he will tolerate you. eventually he kinda grows a soft spot for you, idk why. maybe he just likes weird crazy people like that (looks at medic). anyway, heavy actually really enjoys having you around despite your high energy. unfortunately for you, he can be a killjoy. he will often talk you out of new fun things that you wanna try if he finds them too dangerous. or he straight up just man handles you and throws you over his shoulder to make sure you dont do anything stupid. anyway he loves you, you're like a little chihuahua to him

DEMOMAN

- oh you two are very similar so i think you'll get along very well. i'm talking buddies in crime, constantly getting up to weird and crazy plans that may or may not result in a few broken limbs or mental trauma (not for you two, but for those watching you). you both literally share one braincell. also he kinda views you as his younger sibling

ENGINEER

- for someone as laidback as engie, he surprisingly doesn't mind people with high energy. he actually thinks you're pretty silly and enjoys watching you do crazy shit cause it's kind of charming to him?? he's just happy to see you have fun. the only thing that he's a bit scared of is letting you in his workshop... like yeah, he trusts you! just.. maybe not THAT much..

MEDIC

- omg he loooves your high energy. you guys can be unhinged together all the time, he definitely hypes you up. however, sometimes he needs his calm moments so he can focus on his work. don't take it personally but he might lock you out his lab so you don't disturb him. but other than that you can bet he pulls you into a lot of crazy shit, even sharing all his strange medical plans and findings with you

SPY

- TOO LOUD TOO LOUD! sorry buddy spy will avoid you like the plague. he does think you're fun to watch but only from a distance. he's got enough maniacs on the team already y'know? it's not that he dislikes you but whenever you try to engage with him he acts irritated and just tries to escape you. get his ass

SNIPER

- same with spy, too loud. you know sniper, he's a quiet guy who keeps to himself and overall prefers silence. he does think you're cool and funny though and even joins in on your crazy shenanigans from time to time. as long as you don't yell his ear off he will definitely like you

[inky-here]

tf2 mercs playing beat saber because i love the game

Scout: songs with less than 3.50 notes per second bore him, but he doesn't do that good with pattern changes, so he usually plays sped up songs on Hard, occasionally some Expert ones. he has crazy stamina and can play these fast songs until the headset's battery runs low. very competitive.

Soldier: he always puts his everything into every note, which is extremely tiring, so he usually plays Normal difficulty songs, one or two on Hard every once in a while. he finds it pretty fun, and when the others compete, he usually joins in. when he's tipsy, he'll sing along with the music.

Pyro: (let's pretend a headset can fit over their mask for a minute) they're just there for the vibes, and they love the funky colours and backgrounds of the maps. they don't even need to play the songs, Engie often downloads them modded maps that just focus on the surroundings and it's enough for them. they also enjoy watching others play.

Demo: he's dogshit at the game when he happens to be sobered up, and the drunker he is the better he gets, but the less energy he has for it. one evening he can beat three Expert+ levels in a row and pass out on the couch, other evening he'll play songs on Hard for the entire evening. he's down for a friendly competition.

Heavy: it's not his idea of fun, but he won't walk out when others play, he's content to just sit nearby and watch the casting from the headsets, he'll play a few levels on Normal just for the fun of joining in, but he won't play unless someone asks him to, nor will he play it on his own in his free time. not competitive at all.

Engie: he's crazy good at the game, pretty much the only person in base who can keep up with Scout's preferred song speeds and difficulties. he'll compete with him too, he's not hell-bent on winning but he's not gonna go easy on him. mostly plays Expert and Expert+.

Medic: Medic is the opposite of Scout - he does really well with different patterns, but has trouble keeping up if it's too fast. will SS rank most maps on Hard and slower maps on Expert. does try a slowed down Expert or Expert+ level every once in a while. not very competitive when it comes to this, but when others compete and he has the time for it, he'll join in, and he will laugh at whoever he happens to beat.

Sniper: Sniper is a very casual player, he plays songs on Hard difficulty with the occasional Normal or Expert. he's super stiff when playing, but when he has a drink or two he loosens up. he'll also join a friendly competition if it goes on, but he can't play for too long because the lights hurt his eyes.

Spy: Spy will say this is beneath him and not join the others when they're playing, but truth be told, he tried it once, got his fancy shirt sweaty, failed the level and hasn't wanted to try it again since. when others play, he might hover nearby and point out how goofy they look to the outside world though.

[jamisonwritestf2trash]

Salutations! Yesterday, I had the fortune to enjoy the rain for a while and jump into some puddles, it was fun hoohoo. When I went home, I realized that it could be a good writing prompt for my mutual —you!—, so...

What would the mercs do if they saw a puddle of water?

TF2 Mercs Reactions To Finding A Puddle After It Rains!

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THIS IS SO CUTE!

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I'm glad you enjoyed the rain and the puddles! Also, the fact that people do things and then think of me is just so ugh I love it 😭

Mutual appreciation comment! Love you and your posts. I also love the fact that we both love the same silly old German man 💖

Also I'm totally not putting off my actual work I should be doing to do multiple headcanon lists. Nope, not me. (Also also this is a great alternative to crying over the fact that I lost my keys for a second time)!

BUT ENOUGH VENTING LETS GET TO THIS PROMT!

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Demo- I'd like to think he'd be down for splashing around and having a good time, but this is Demo we're talking about so.... he definitely slipped, cracked his head, and passed out. Once he wakes up though he tries again and has a good time.

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Engie- Not really a fan of jumping in puddles, more of a fan of watching the water ripple and move when you walk through them. If no ones around he might even find a couple of rocks and drop them to see what the water does.

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Heavy- Unless the puddle is like really big, I don't really see him jumping in one. HOWEVER. Likes the noises that water makes when you walk through it. He thinks the small splashing noises are cute!

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Medic- I know he's an old man. I know this, I understand this, I've accepted this. Doesn't change the fact that he is, in fact, a little German boy who has, on more than one occasion, said "Yippee!' upon seeing something he was really excited about. This man would jump in a puddle no hesitation, and he'd have fun too, sure he'd look insane to any rational passerby, but he doesn't care. What do you expect from a man this silly? ALSO, if Archimedes is with him, he'll also splash in the puddle for fun, Silly man has a silly bird, who would have guessed?

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Scout- "Why would I jump in a puddle, only like little kids and babies do that." The second no one else is around this man is splashing around in a puddle. He's hyper aware of what's going on around him though, lest he be caught having fun. Because having fun is super lame and embarrassing right guys?

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Sniper- Another case of pretending they don't want to do that but would actually have fun if they did. He's not really used to doing "childish." things as an adult. But maybe if he saw another merc doing it, he could be persuaded to join in.

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Spy- He wouldn't. He just wouldn't. He's the kind of dude who would lay something down to walk over a puddle. He physically cringes if he has to step in a puddle. He's just a baby about it.

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Soldier- HE'D HAVE SO MUCH FUN! The only merc who could possibly have more fun is Pyro, but we'll get to them in a minute. Will jump in a puddle, no hesitation. Splashes around and has a good time, and he genuinely enjoys the little things in life!

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Pyro- Has the most fun out of everyone! He loves it when it rains, ironically enough. They definitely have paper boats they put in the puddles and little rubber ducks in the deeper ones. Will stay outside for hours after it rains. They love it so much, they get so happy. They even have white polkadot rainboots.

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Ahhhh! This was so fun. Thank you for requesting this. I hope you like it 💖

[rayclubs]

Mahlzeit,

ok since I´m a firm believer that every merc is a perfect combination of smart and stupid, I feel comfortable saying that everyone is wrong about engineer.

like no he isn´t the only one who would be capacle of realising the benefits of a union. he´s very much unable to see it because he definetely gets too tunnelvisioned as soon as his work is involved and everything not directly linked to his tasks is unnecessary.

Malzheit!

Okay, real, but do you want a TF2 political affiliations post? Because that's how you get a TF2 political affiliations post.

Scout:

The most susceptible to propaganda after maybe Soldier.

Cares about celebrities way too much and therefore is unable to recognize the utmost necessity of taxing the rich.

Probably believes in the American Dream or something.

Would not start a labor union but would join one because while dumb as a baseball, he at least understands that his ma worked really hard to support him and his gajillion brothers growing up, and that's kinda unfair and all that. Or something.

Soldier:

Can be convinced to do anything. Seems to have political affiliations, what with his anti-communist shtick, but really it's just whatever. If you sit him down and explain the actual communist ideas and how what he's actually against is dictatorship, he'll listen to you. Might take some time, but he will.

Would not start a union but would assassinate the president.

Pyro:

Mmmph?

I don't even know. Anarcho-transhumanism.

*lights self on fire and fights the cops*

Engie:

Okay I have THOUGHTS

He is a bit of a utilitarian, I think. What with him solving practical problems and all.

Graduated into the upper middle class and can't see past that because his mind is 99% the digits of Pi and all that.

Hasn't voted once in his life.

Probably actually has some misguided beliefs about labor exploitation due to being American. Like Pauling, has one vacation a year and leaves his phone on in case someone needs to reach him in an urgent work matter.

People bring up his hand as if it were the result of an OSHA violation, but like. No. He did that. He did done cut it off himself. It doesn't count.

Everything he builds is an OSHA violation.

Heavy:

Was a pioneer. You know, that Soviet thing? Kinda like an American boy scout, but with more propaganda. He got better though.

He'd be a bit wary of unions but I think he's educated enough to recognize the difference. It's just a subconscious bias, is all.

He wouldn't start a union because, while educated, he's not diplomatic. Much like Engineer "I'll break you in half" TF2, he's more used to killing the authorities than to legally opposing them.

Also his father was a revolutionary. And died for it. So yeah. Maybe he wouldn't be quite so eager to follow in his footsteps.

Demo:

I actually don't know much about labor unions in Scotland but I think Demo would be a union man.

Like. His father killed the queen for a nickel. I think the man knows enough about oppression and workers' rights to be angry about that.

Explode the rich.

"But Demo, you are rich!" - "Aye..." *killbinds*

Medic:

Already in a union.

Not politically aligned but LOVES shoplifting.

Sniper:

Individualism on main.

Would not start a union because he hasn't talked to a human being in seventeen years.

You ask him if he wants to start a union and he stares into the void for five minutes before quietly asking "...like ants?"

Can't sign up because he can't write. Why do you think he calls his parents instead of writing letters?

Actually scratch that. Can only write upside down.

Spy:

Supports whatever suits his interests.

A corporate until the labor union is strong enough, then switches sides and becomes an avid proletarian.

Also individualism on main and that's why he and Sniper get along.

Nothing like avoiding your best friend.

I don't even know. None of them would start a union actually. Medic would do it for fun. Demo would do it as a dare. Soldier would do it by accident.

[clevernameideaidk]

Fuck it, I’m rating the mercs by how good of a dnd player they are

Scout: 2/10, he shows up late and acts like the main character. He does his own thing and constantly forgets the rules. He brings snacks though.

Soldier: 3/10, he is the definition of lawful stupid and gets way to invested. He loves combat but is upset when he looses.

Pyro: 5/10, he is full of whimsy and joy. He would love the game, but tends to set too many places on fire.

Demo: 8/10, he is an experienced player. Gets into roleplay and is fun in combat. He arrives late and drunk though, so points off for that.

Heavy: 5/10, he doesn’t play, but will join if invited. Generally a good player if a bit quiet.

Engie: 7/10, likes playing but is more into the mechanics. He will try to do some ridiculous things by what the rules allow, so he’s fun but watch out.

Medic: 4/10, will go murderhobo and have a fun time doing so. Don’t invite him unless you want your npcs experimented on.

Sniper: 5/10, he doesn’t engage in roleplay but will join if necessary. A god at combat.

Spy: 6/10, would not play unless made to, but he would enjoy roleplaying. Not interested in combat at all

Pauling: 10/10 the dungeon master

[burgersnacksformax]

Tf2 hcs for taking care of a little

Notes:

might be a little ooc cause im p new to tf2

"Little" as in being age regressed, or age dreaming, or something along those lines :]

THIS IS STRICTLY SFW ! if ur into ddlg or smth similar, DNI with this post please !

Cw for alcohol mention

Scout

Not BAD but acts like the irresponsible yet supportive older sibling. He'd encourage you to break rules with him and share his junk food with you. But he'll make sure you dont get hurt, and he'll keep you safe. Probably wouldn't join you for activities like colouring or something, but you'd just body double. He'd also be happy to go out and play sports with you, like baseball or something. And if you dont play, he'll show you how, complimenting your shots and encouraging you to do your best.

Soldier

Honestly probably acts like a clumsy dad. He'd try and take care of you but you'd be giggling left and right at how silly he is. He's a mess in the kitchen so you'd have to supervise him when getting snacks. He'd want you to follow along with him on jogs and stuff, and he'd always have the energy to play sports or tag or something with you. Prepare to do your best, he won't go easy just because you're little, but he'll still make sure to compliment you for your hard work afterwards.

Pyro

Best friend ! Would draw with you and colour with you, watch all your favourite cartoons with you and even show you their favourites as well. They would play with toys with you too, and even play pretend ! They might not be taking care of you, but they're your beloved play buddy, and if you get in trouble then you get in trouble together.

Demoman

Probably would make a great caregiver. He'd be willing to try whatever silly thing you want to do, and would be really supportive for things you wanna try and things you've accomplished. If it bothers you, he'd try not to drink in front of you, but ngl you'd still probably smell a little alchohol. He likes looking after you but you would absolutely be able to convince him to let you sleep late just by acting cute. He probably wouldn't be able to cook much for you, but would cut up fruits for you and share them.

Heavy

Top 10 dads in your area. Homecooked meals just for you, he'd always listen intently to what you have to say, and make sure you're in good health and hygiene. He tries to show you that he cares for you through actions, making sure you're getting food and water and are entertained, he'd even tuck you into bed and read bedtime stories for you if you'd like. He also likes telling you about fun moments between him and the mercs, as well as other experiences he's had.

Engie

Cool big brother energy tbh. He'd involve you in his projects and tell you all about them, and say that you're the only one who gets to know about these trade secrets. He sometimes lets you put some parts together if he's making something, or let you put in the final piece. He's really sweet and encouraging as a caregiver, and he enjoys body doubling. But if you pull out a lego set, you both would be hunched over the manual and pieces trying to figure it out together (you usually end up making something that was completely unrelated to what was on the box, but it turns out really cool so it doesn't matter). He tends to pat you on the back after a job well done.

Sniper

Talks quite nonchalantly and goes with whatever you're doing. You can tell him a silly story abt idk the loch ness monster, and he'll nod along in understanding, commenting something like "an elusive bugger, aint she ?" Probably doesnt participate in whatever activities you're doing, but as long as youre not noisy he'd be fine looking after you. He's helpless at cooking though so can easily convince him to order McDonald's or something.

Medic

He lets you play and goof around with his birds as long as you're gentle, but apart from that he wouldn't really know what to do. Probably can't really talk about anything little-friendly, but will make sure you don't go and get yourself hurt. Unless you're fine with him treating you like a test subject, he would rather you spend time with Heavy since he'd do a better job taking care of you.

Spy

He'd be good at taking care of you - really good - but probably can't see things at your level. If you want him to cook something for you or carry you or something, he'd do it, even giving you smiles and chatting with you, but only if you initiate it. It's nothing personal, he's just not entirely sure how to talk to kids, but he's still willing to try.

[anonymous-astronaut]

Here's one if you're still up for these: Pyro's flamethrower is out of fuel, so all the mercs have to go out together and shovel the driveway as a team. How are they at that?

Sure thing! I’ve seen snow like twice in my life, so I’ve never shoveled snow before but I’ll do my best!

Scout:

He is totally a whiney bitch about it until he gets outside and starts galomping through the snow like a dog. He doesn’t help at all, he just starts throwing snowballs at the people who are actually trying to get work done and builds a terrible snowman version of himself. He’s the only one who catches a cold afterwords because he stays in wet clothes all day.

Soldier:

He finds something very Traditionally American about shoveling the driveway, he thinks it is necessary to build character even though he probably has never done it before. He is very insistent that everyone should join in and that it should be treated as a group activity of the upmost importance. His strategy is to fling shovelfuls wildly over his shoulder because he thinks it’s the most effective, and ends up making it harder for everyone else.

Pyro:

They’re upset about their flamethrower, and clearing the walkway is usually something they really look forward to. However, they’re spirits are soon lifted after a snowball fight with Scout and playing in the snow for a bit. They think it’s kinda fun shoveling snow the normal way and are glad they had the chance to do so with the team, but would much rather use their flamethrower.

Heavy:

By far the best and most efficient at shoveling driveways. Not only is he stronger than a damn bear and great at shoveling, but he’s also done it a million times and has an attention span longer that four seconds. He does the majority of the work, just wanting the task to be over with. Ends the day certain no one else on the team would like ten minutes in a Russian winter.

Demo:

He keeps trying to suggest more creative and increasingly dangerous ways to get rid of the snow. He thinks plain old shoveling is boring as hell, why not blow it up? Melt it with acid? Shoot rockets at it? Soldier would usually agree with him but is caught up in the traditional aspect he assigned to the task, and everyone else shuts Demo’s ideas down fast on account of not wanting to die terribly. Eventually he gives up and starts tossing Scout into the snow pile for fun.

Engie:

He doesn’t like it, but he is not the kind of guy to shy away from some hard work. He secretly is thinking of machines he could design to do it for him or at least make it more efficient, but figures it’s easier to just do it by hand and get it over with. He is very grateful for Heavy’s help, and starts to lose his temper a bit with everyone who is messing around.

Medic:

He has no interest in helping and stands far back with a hot coffee. He has shoveled his fair share of driveways in his past, and honestly thinks there’s already too many cooks in the kitchen. The only reason he even goes outside is to make sure nobody dies, he knows better than to let this team do anything without supervision. Only his threat to replace all Scouts organs with live rats keeps Scout from throwing snowballs at him.

Sniper:

He’s cold and miserable and wet but he feels bad about making other people do work so he is helping. He isn’t very good at it but at least he isn’t making it actively worse, and he’s open to critique. Scout throws a snowball at him one time and knocks off his hat, then gets a hearty reminder that he’s dealing with a marksmen when he gets a snowball back at mach 20 directly to the face.

Spy:

Try’s to get out of it but Soldier says it’s a group activity and drags him along. He refuses to help and is practically whiner than Scout, and he’s shaking in the cold like a Whippet puppy someone forgot to put a jacket on. After like two minutes Medic suggests he goes back inside and Soldier is to distracted to care. No one knows that Spy watches them through the window for the rest of the time because it’s too quiet in the base alone.

[presidentbungus]

scout grew up in a restaurant household--his mom worked five shifts around town at every diner worthy of its cherry pie, and all of his brothers grew up to join her as dishwashers and frycooks, and even when it was around time for a lot of them to leave most of them didn't. he started violating child labor laws in front of greasy frybaskets when he was nine and didn't stop until he got himself in one too many fights and landed himself at mann co. he can't really construct much of that gourmet bullshit you see in the papers, but he can make a mean cheeseburger and home fries just from the cheapest shit he could find at the local supermarket, and that's all you need, right? it makes him feel kinda warm and fuzzy to watch the team fight over his hashbrowns and pancakes in the humid mornings before a big fight.

in all things soldier values grim efficiency above all else, no matter the cost, and that kind of extends to his cooking and eating habits. after all, nothing quite says the american dream like mostly-potable water, canned peas, and ground beef out of a military-ration tin, stewed over a campfire in somebody's helmet. his cooking's always edible, but it's simple and rarely particularly enjoyable. (that said, he's fond of making himself a plain baked potato alongside a warm medium-well steak, but that's only for very, very special occasions.)

pyro likes to cause fires on purpose, even if he sets out not to, so he's not really trusted around open flames. in a controlled space, like an oven, she reveals herself to be at least semi-competent with cupcakes and casseroles. a master at "just eyeballing it". like most things in life, they enjoy cookies the most when they're just a little singed at the edges.

demo specializes in cold, slimy fish, unidentifiable piles of gray slop, and pale, poorly-spiced imitations of curry. he's not british, he knows his way around a spice bottle, but the secret to this one is that his palette is just absolutely abhorrent and it's a bad idea to trust him in front of a pan with any sort of white meat. an experimental kind of guy in the worst situations possible. there's a lot you can do to fuck up a cheesecake, and he can tell you that from personal experience. in the rare occasion he's in the mood to follow a recipe, his technique is good and the product is passable, but it's a rare occasion for a reason.

heavy grew up cooking with his mother, and for his sisters, and knows how to make a little go a long way. he can turn a bag of potatoes and a pack of shitty beef into a stew that'll keep you full for weeks. it's not glamorous, but it doesn't need to be. the only person who ever really makes enough for everyone. finds peace in cooking; finds more peace in watching his friends tear into it like rabid dogs

engie knows enough to theoretically survive on his own--like, he can boil water, he can fry meat, he can follow the directions on the back of a box of instant biscuits, but his expertise ends about there (you know--his mama was a great cook, and he went to college at 12 and never got the chance to help with dinner before that). that said, he's resourceful with the limited amount of knowledge he has, and somehow has managed to dupe everyone into thinking he's a great cook, anyway. uses the fact that nobody on the team really knows what barbecue is to his advantage, and just turns a bottle of barbecue sauce over on a pile of premade smoked ribs at team gatherings, with some out-of-the-box mashed potatoes on the side, sprinkled with store-bought bacon bits. the team is none the wiser.

medic does cooking a lot like he does surgery--constantly, with no fucking idea what he's doing--though unlike surgery, he doesn't have some strange, lucky, innate talent for it. for him, making dinner is a long line of experiments, and most of the time, most of them fail. it's the journey, you know, not the destination, mostly because tipping a full spoon of nutmeg into your soup is more fun than actually eating it. the real abominations against god actually aren't the shambling cyborg-corpses moaning in eternal suffering in the basement, or the rats with human fingers instead of tails also moaning in eternal suffering in the basement; it's the greenish, oozing, possibly sentient dish of beef stroganoff he so valiantly attempted last Satuday. go figure.

sniper hunts her own food, by which i mean she spit-roasts lizards and desert mice over unnecessary campfires at every conceivable opportunity. she's actually pretty good at campfire cooking, and can make the most disgusting meal proposition you've ever heard look and taste at least okay, which is how everyone on the team has eaten at least one lizard, tree branch, or shoe in their lives. when unable or unwilling to cook outside (though the latter is notably rare), she knows her way around an oven enough to make herself shitty spaghetti and buttered noodles (and she'll crack an egg on just about everything to make herself feel like a better cook). she would probably microwave tinfoil.

despite branding himself as something of a foodie, extensive survival training has ensured that spy is capable of choking down just about anything and that really comes across in his cooking habits. spy fancies himself something of a gourmet chef; in practice, about all this means is he routinely orders a handful of disgusting-looking things online, arranges them into something that looks appropriately fancy (read: inedible to the "low-class palette", or in other words the average human), and then serve it and turn up his nose when everyone starts coughing and throwing up and complaining about holes being seared through the lining of their stomach. after all, it's not his fault that the noxious apes on this team don't understand high-class cuisine. (that said, when not putting on an obnoxious front, spy is good at fashioning meals out of very limited resources that will at the very least keep you alive. it'll still taste awful, but it'll taste marginally better than the base ingredients and it will keep you full. still would not recommend it.)

heavy, scout, (and then the quality plunges quite a lot from here), soldier, engie, pyro, sniper, (and it just gets worse), demo, spy, medic. best to worst, in my humble opinion. though I don't think I'd trust anyone under scout in front of a stove.

How would you rank the mercs on their cooking ability, from best to worst? Who’s the team chef and who will be shot on sight if they’re seen entering the kitchen?

Is someone who might seem terrible at cooking at first glance, actually inexplicably amazing?? The opposite??

[crabonfire]

poly tf2 mercs x reader??

lmao sorry- my mind cant make up which character to like so

you have no idea I have been YEARNING for someone to request this! I'm literally polyamorous myself and oh my god thank u so much!!! I let out a loud squeal when I read this bcs I was so happy

Poly!Mercenaries X Reader!

characters: all mercs :)

Scout and Pyro

Engineer, Demoman and Soldier

Spy and Sniper

Heavy and Medic

warning: none!!!

note: reader is gender neutral! plus if u like this I might make a part two with different polyamorous mercs :D

♡Scout and Pyro♡

• scouts love language is acts of service and pyro's is quality time.

• someone needs to put all three of you in a psych ward

• sometimes when you all go on a walk in the street Scout will accidentally cause trouble with someone and Pyro will join in and fight them and you either join in or get them out before the cops come.

• oh my god.

• they're pretty fun to be with. Scout is usually a flustered mess whenever Pyro or you show any affection towards him due to the fact he had to fight for affection from his mother as a child. Its new to him, especially by two of the people he adores.

• Pyro and Scout draw together, and whenever your down they will both make you doodles of stuff that makes you happy. They will make your room super comfortable while Pyro gets a bunch of snacks from the fridge, sitting together to get ready for movies!

• You guys have this thing where whenever one of yall are feeling down, Scout goes to buy an insanely terrible movie and the last person to laugh or groan at the movie wins. It really cheers you up.

They're not the best at comforting words, so they show comfort by actions.

They're both pretty clingy! An hour away from you Pyro is already whining while Scout is just trying to make due. But usually they'll still have a good time together, sometimes going on their own dates while your away.

If they go somewhere, they'll get you something from there as a "souvenir" and beg you to come there the next time they go so nobody gets left out.

• Scout loves peppering the both of you with kisses, he doesn't mind that Pyro has a mask usually he'll be silly and blow Pyro a kiss from the distance. It makes the both of you giggle, he's such a goof.

Pyro gives you both mask kisses...Well more like boops. Though if your far into your relationship, day by day he'll start opening up more about himself. He starts by not wearing gloves around you, to lifting his mask up slightly to give you both a proper kiss. (random but I headcannon my boy has a tooth gap :D)

It makes both of your hearts melt to know he trusts you enough to do this, and he's thankful for your patience.

The three of you look very chaotic to other people but alone together you are just real sweet to each other. They both get so calm around you that they don't feel the need to show off or cause chaos, yall just wanna hang out sometimes yk?

♡Engineer, Demoman, and Soldier♡

• Engie's love language is quality time, Demo's is words of affirmation, and Soldier's is acts of service AND quality time.

• goddamnit yall r so cute

• the actual power couple

• Let me describe to you what they are like

Dell's the calm one, he's usually the one getting the three of you out of trouble but he himself loves a little fun sometimes.

Demo is the fun one, he always takes you all out on interesting landmarks and sometimes even dangerous activities that might kill you.

Soldier is the loud one, he will not shut the fuck up. He loves to hear yall talk about your day, loves to gossip about how work has been, but also loves to speak about his achievements and show all three of you off to random people he meets.

• "THIS IS ENGIE! HE HAS 11 PHDS AND HE IS A GENIUS! SMARTER THAN YOULL EVER BE."

"Aw geez Solly, ya don't have to say that..."

And then

"DEMOMAN! BEST FRIEND AND BOYFRIEND, I LOVE HIM. HES VERY SWEET! HE CAN SWOON ANYBODY!"

"Lad...yer makin me blush."

or even

"THIS IS Y/N! ARE YOU SHOCKED BY THEIR GORGEOUSNESS? I AM TOO. DONT GET TOO CLOSE, YOU MIGHT FALL FOR THEM."

"Pfft-Soldier..."

• in general yall r just adorable. They're all so sweet to each other and to you too, yall always eat together and they'll always be there for you if you wanna rant or vent about your day.

All of them are amazing listeners, and good at comforting...how?? How did you get so damn lucky? They'll cuddle up around you as one of them holds you, listening to you talk and ramble about how bad of a day its been.

Soldier will give you a motivational and surprisingly really helpful speech, Demoman will hype you up and tell you it's gonna be okay, and Engie likes to make you your favorite foods to make you feel better.

They're not as touch starved as others may think, but one day they don't see you they start to miss you a lot. Please don't leave them alone for too long, they can go mess around together but it doesn't feel the same with you left out.

♡Sniper and Spy♡

• snipers love language is physical touch and words of affirmation, Spy's is quality time and gift giving.

• you get so spoiled with affection by them

• sniper was always a secluded man, so was spy. But brought together they were amazing....and then your here? The whole relationship is so sweet.

• Sniper will hold your hand any chance he gets, Spy holding your other hand. You three like to go on quiet walks at noon, enjoying the weather and even going to a cafe on the way.

• Spy absolutely spoils the both of you with gifts, expect a gift from him atleast two times a week.

• you guys don't really go to loud areas since Sniper doesn't enjoy them, so your dates are usually real intimate.

I'm talking picnics under a tree as the sun is setting, watching the clouds as the three of you joke and talk about.

Or, romantic dates by the sea...enjoying the scenery and maybe even going for a swim.

You three are the most calm couple out of all of them I'd say.

Even though sniper and spy have many differences, they still are so cute together! they match like puzzle pieces and are great to be with.

• though...there are times those differences do get to them. Sometimes they'd have petty fights over...something. if this does happen, just talk to them both about it and give them some time, they'll just hug it out and it'll be fine then.

• if your ever upset, they will try their best to be there. Sniper will comfort you with the sweetest things you've ever heard, holding you tightly. While Spy gets a reservation at a private restaurant booked for the three of you that night, taking you out and making you forget about your troubles.

♡Heavy and Medic♡

• Heavy and Medic both are acts of service and quality time.

• aw :)

• okay this might be even sweeter than all of them

• the two of them are even more secluded than Sniper and Spy. Medic is usually always in his medbay working away, while Heavy is usually resting, cleaning Sasha, or doing light reading to pass the time.

They're not much talkers unless the topics really interest them, so that's why your here!

The three of you are like that old couple down your street who do the most corny shit ever, knitting for each other except its with medic and heavy and you lmao

• Heavy and Medic teach each other their language, and you get taught too! If you also happen to speak another language, expect them to wanna learn it.

Yall have duolingo sessions and it's the cutest shit ever.

"Okay now say, 'Apa kabar, nama saya' then you say your name."

"...Apa...Kahbar? Nahma saye-"

"Pfft-BAHAHAHHAAHA-"

you laugh your ass off as the two of them are desperately trying to spell what your saying. They end up laughing too! It's a fun thing you three do in as little dates.

(ps what I wrote is read as uh-pah- kuh-bar- nah-ma sa-yuh" it's indonesian!! fun fact otd)

• Heavy likes to write the both of you Russian literature, you both don't quite understand what they mean but after a couple months of studying with him you both melt due to how sweet they are.

• Medic loves to ramble about his experiments, he will never ever ask you to volunteer unless its something that he knows won't hurt either of you.

When Heavy misses the both of you, he will carry you both in his arms and hug yall tightly.

"Heavy has missed you both."

"Aw, I've missed you too babe."

"Ja, its been boring without jou!"

Yall are just really wholesome.

• if your ever upset, truthfully speaking they won't know how to comfort you in words. So they will show it by just being there for you.

Heavy will squeeze your hand while letting you cry into him, as Medic made you tea as it soothes the nerves. They will both just let you cry it all out, not knowing how to reply much.

But the next day, they will just make sure that day is amazing. They will both go out of their way to make sure nothing van ruin your mood for that day to make up for yesterday. Broke your favorite pencil? Heavy will get you a better one. You feel dizzy? Come over to medbay, Medic will prepare and make sure they never bother you again.

They're so sweet it gives you cavities, even though they don't know how to say it, they sure are good at showing you. (I love men sm♡)

Hope u enjoyed!

we need more poly mercs.

-sincerely, a polyamorous person

[flamethemedicmain]

The Mercs in the pool!

It's really hot down here guys

Scout:

An excuse to show off his awesome giant sexy muscles? He'll take it. Can barely swim, so he'll lay on the side of the pool and pretend he's being cool. If there's a water fight he will happily jump in though.

Soldier:

American flag swim shorts and the largest cannonballs you've ever seen. Surprisingly stealthy underwater too, will sneak up on you and yell in your ear or push your head under.

Pyro:

Not a fan of being in water. They'll lounge on a Balloonicorn floatie sitting outside of the pool to join in, or splash their legs around in the shallow end. Enjoys being splashed.

Demo:

Has always been a fan of water. Can keep his eye open underwater, and is a real graceful swimmer. Wins all the breath holding competitions.

Heavy:

Never learnt to swim, but he isn't too upset. He prefers watching over the others anyway. They are his little ducklings.

Engie:

On life guard duty, which is actually just stopping them from drowning each other duty. Has the gunslinger in a protective waterproof bag, but it is still effective at wrangling the others.

Medic:

Tells you fun facts about the different diseases that can spread in pools while seeing how long he can hold Soldier's head underwater before he falls unconscious. Can't see very well without his glasses, everything's just blobs, but that never stops scientific progress!

Sniper:

Big fan of watersports, and is pretty natural in the water. Some odd New Zealand genes I'd imagine. Floats with his eyes just above the waterline like a croc.

Spy:

No way he's going near that pit with his expensive suit. Hates getting wet and will murder anyone who splashes him, much like a cat.

[meettheprivate]

How the Mercs Handle Power Outages [TF2 x SO]

Because my buddy in Texas won’t stop gripping to me about their current situation, and I’ve been having power outages nonstop up here in Canada too.

Scout: He doesn’t care how late it is, or how pitch black it is outside, he’ll suggest playing some catch. When no one agrees to play with him, including his S/O, he turns to the evil idea of trying to scare his teammates and you are his partner in crime! The mercs aren’t scared, just annoyed. But at least you get to cuddle with Scout after to make him feel better?

Soldier: Well, this is the perfect time to train your eyes into night vision mode! Soldier will take you throughout the base and test your skills of not knocking into things. Soldier likely will be the first to hurt himself, but at least you can help take care of him in the med bay with his bleeding forehead.

Pyro: Pffft. It’s the perfect excuse for a campfire – but not in the base!! Pyro doesn’t understand why a campfire can’t happen in the dining space, even after Engineer explains it to him fairly cohesively. You guide Pyro outside to the crisp night air (or snowy) and find the perfect place to host a campfire. Roasting marshmallows/empty cans. Pyro doesn’t eat any of it though, so let him have his fun with his cans.

Demoman: Any excuse to drink is a good one. Demo will toss you a bottle of scrumpy and you two will just wine. No dine because the powers out sorry. After a few you’ll both be cuddly piles of mush in each other’s arms. So nothing really changed for Demo when the powers out.

Heavy: Find a candle or flashlight, crack open your favourite book, and get ready for some one-on-one reading time with your big bear. No sense letting this beautiful atmosphere go to waste. You two will be under the covers as he reads to you in Russian, or you read to him in your native tongue.

Engineer: Unfortunately, someone needs to check on the breaker and fuse box to make sure nothing gets fried – but as his S/O you accompany Engie down to the basement to see how things are looking. You get to hold the flashlight as he inspects the situation. After acknowledging that there is nothing you can do but wait, he decides to be cheeky and thank you for your help by yanking the flashlight and having you chase him for it. Safely away from the fuse box, of course. Once you both make it back upstairs it’s time for some guitar in the dark.

Medic: With it being so dark, the chances of someone hurting themselves is surprisingly high, especially Soldier, so Medic needs to be prepared to stop what he is doing at any point to heal his team. While waiting for the enviable though, you and Medic will spend some time just chatting about life. He will talk about all his latest discoveries, and you’ll find it so cute when he lights up while taking about some criminals over-sized liver.

Sniper: If it is snowing, he’ll stay isolated in his van and demand you join him for a nap and cuddles. If it’s not snowing, he will take you on top of the camper van to stargaze. Sure, you can do this with the power on, but there’s something magical about doing it when there’s limited things to do otherwise.

Spy: You two will lounge in his smoking room, drinking some top-notch wine under candlelight. Might as well make it a romantic night, non? Perhaps if you’re good, he’ll teach you some French words with his tongue.

[angelwheat]

TF2

★·.·´¯`·.·★ X ★·.·´¯`·.·★

Mercs and their S/O, Down Time

What are their favourite things to do with their s/o in their down time?

★·.·´¯`·.·★ X ★·.·´¯`·.·★

Scout

He often ask you to play baseball with him, if it’s not raining. You’ll see him light up if you agree to play with him.

Before he grew closer to you, Scout would draw a lot, or read his comics. If he’s willing to, he will read some of his comics to you.

He might suggest going out for a walk, depending what mood he’s in.

Soldier

This man will not rest, though that was before he met you.

He suggests you train with him, which can be quite fun.

Maybe Soldier will watch TV with you on ceasefire days, though very rarely. You might just have to drag him from the training room.

Pyro

He likes to draw or colour in one of his books, and he always asks you to join him.

Pyro tends to burn things a lot, so heading outside with him to throw things into an open fire isn’t uncommon.

Cloud-gazing happens often. Pyro will even bring along some bubbles too.

Demoman

His idea of down-time is to get drunk more so than usual. He asks you if you’d like to have a drink with him, but won’t push it if you decline the offer.

He will cuddle with you a lot. There’s no escaping him when he’s got you in his arms.

Lots of sleeping together. Nothing sexual though.

Heavy

He will ask if you would like to read with him. If not, Heavy will gladly read to you.

He suggests cooking. Whether it be cooking dinner for the entire team or just something simple.

He plays with your hair a lot. He knows how to do simple styles, as he used to style his sisters hair back in Russia.

Engineer

He rarely rests. You’ll need to coax him out of his workshop.

Engie is another that likes to cook. He will ask you if you’d like to help him prepare a meal.

He plays his guitar in his free time. He will play you a song, or if you play an instrument yourself, he will ask if you’d like to duet with him.

Medic

He is another that will coop himself up in the lab, but he will let you accompany him, and will allow you to play with his doves.

Medic likes to play his violin, and just like Engie, he will either offer to play for you, or if you play an instrument yourself, will ask to duet with him.

He claims he is a busy man. He doesn’t like to take breaks from his experiments.

Sniper

He likes to go out for a drive. No destination needed. Just driving and watching things go by. He always asks you to go with him.

Late at night he likes to stargaze with you on the roof of his camper.

Or if it’s to cold to sit atop the van, Sniper will cuddle you while lying in his rather cramped living space.

Spy

He loves having you join him in his smoking room, simply reading together.

Dancing together, usually after a few glasses of wine.

He loves walking through the town with you, and he will most likely treat you to something you want.

[jamisonwritestf2trash]

Tf2 beach day

TF2 Mercs At The Beach!

————————————————————

Thanks for the ask, Anon! I hope you like this, I love writing these guys in normal everyday situations. Buckle up for a long one!

————————————————————

Okay, so firstly, I can't tell whether it would be funny or deeply terrifying to see a group of nine grown men pull up at the beach. But for the sake of this it's going to be funny.

————————————————————

So one day, all these clowns pile into a van and drive down the road to the nearest beach. And once they get there, it's a mess. Much like when they went to the amusement park (haha old fic plug in >:D), everyone's running in different directions and doing different things.

Engie, Pyro, and Soldier are off finding a place in the sand to start building sandcastles.

Scout is the only one who's running to the water immediately.

Demo and Sniper are on their way to a silent and shady part of the beach to sleep for a bit.

Spy, Heavy, and Medic are setting up towels and umbrellas on the beach.

————————————————————

Even though everyone wants to do different things, Engie asks the others to come join them and do a sandcastle contest!

Demo is actually really good at building sandcastles and building something simple, decorated with some rocks.

Engie, of course, wins the contest. He manages to build a castle with a fully functional draw bridge, a moat, and even tiny little sand people.

Heavy doesn't follow the idea of making a sandcastle at all. He starts making sand food.

Medic comes in third place, which he may or may not be a little bitter about. But others are quick to remind him he made a sculpture of a bird and not a castle. He still thinks his was best.

Scout and Pyro ended up teaming with each other to build the biggest sandcastle out of everyone. It's very messy, and half of it is falling apart (Scouts half), but they both had fun building it and don't really care about the contest by the end.

Sniper acts like he doesn't care. He rolls his eyes and huffs something about this being stupid. Builds a really beautiful sandcastle with sea glass and sand dollars. Like insanely good. He gets second!

Spy doesn't care. He hates the feeling of wet sand and hates the idea of getting dirty and wet. Doesn't participate.

The soldier is making an American flag sculpture in the sand. The stars are made out of the prettiest rocks he could find. He uses drift wood for the red stripes and leaves the sand plain for the white stripes. It's beautiful!

————————————————————

It's time for these guys to go swimming!

Demo and Sniper are good swimmers but are insanely nervous about the currents and wildlife. So they tend to stay in clear and hip deep water.

Engie, Heavy, and Pyro stay near each other near the tide pools! Looking around at all the small animals, Pyro loves looking for hermit crabs. Engie gets so freaked out when he turns around for a minute and looks back to see Pyro with a starfish stuck to their mask. Heavy is also content with just looking at all the cute little creatures that are living in the water.

Medic, Soldier, Scout, and Spy are all in an insane cluster fuck right now. Medic is trying to lifeguard, Soldier can't swim and is drowning in about two inches of water, Scout pushed Spy into the water, and now Spy is trying to drown Scout. Medic finally just pulls all of them out of the water yelling various threats of their organs being removed and swapped with various other things being thrown out as he walks them back to the beach. They seemed to behave a lot better with each other after that.

————————————————————

Due to the swimming fiasco, the team decide to relax on the beach and do some other activities.

Demo, Heavy, and Pyro strike up a bonfire and start to tell stories to each other.

Medic is reading a book he brought and is watching over the others. He is eventually persuaded to play beach volleyball with the other.

After they convince Medic, Engie, Sniper, and Scout start playing a couple of rounds of volleyball. (Medic and Engie v Sniper and Scout) Medic and Engie sweep.

After Scout gets tired of losing, he finds Soldier and asks if he wants to play Frisbee, and they entertain themselves with that for an hour or two.

Spy ends up falling asleep on the beach away from the sight of others (or so he thought, he woke up buried in the sand an hour later, all thanks to Scout).

————————————————————

Eventually, everyone shows up at the bonfire that Demo, Heavy, and Pyro set up. Solider finds a public grill and starts grilling up hotdogs, hamburgers, and steaks. Medic is begging everyone to at least drink one water. Everyone starts talking about various things, and they all enjoy the last of the night until they all pile into the car and head home.

————————————————————

Can you tell I don't go to the beach much 😭

I hope you like this. It felt like this took me years to write, but it was worth it!

I'm praying this isn't ass. New fics are coming soon as I start getting fall themed ideas >:)

[tf2-headcanons-and-scenarios]

Hewwo! Can I request some headcanons on how each mercenary would raise their daughter from childhood to adulthood? Thanksies!! Also, I adore your writing 😘💞

A/N: A nice short and sweet thing I hope you lot enjoy! My desire to have children when I’m older and married is strong so it fueled this for me :)

Scout:

- Honestly this man has no clue how to raise a daughter

- He knows how to raise boys, but knows nothing about raising girls, so you help him out more times than he wants to admit

- He definitely wants to make sure his daughter stays healthy and active, so growing up he introduces her to various sports

- Baseball, Softball and American Football are among the 3 most played sports between Scout and his daughter

- Early morning runs became a tradition between Scout and his girl growing up. Unless one was injured or sick, they would ALWAYS run in the morning

- Scout looks to you for giving your daughter life advice because try as he might he just can’t seem to give the right advice to her

- Overprotective? Nah, so long as his daughter doesn’t do something incredibly stupid or brings home a very dangerous partner

- When Scout’s daughter reaches adulthood, they continue with their morning jogs and start to play aggressively against each other in sport

Soldier:

- This man goes from hardcore drill seargent to hardcore softie in a matter of SECONDS after meeting his daughter for the first time

- This man is about discipline and self-routine. He’d try to make sure his daughter can look after herself properly in case anything was to happen

- He would definitely give in to the tea parties, he so would

- When she’s old enough, he’d teach her how to shoot a gun for self defence

- He leaves the stuff about school and girl-based advice to you

- He is literally the dad holding a shotgun when his daughter brings home a romantic partner, and he will intimidate them and their loyalty to his daughter

- Soldier will reward good behaviour and actions, often taking his daughter out to see a movie or get some ice cream

- When Soldier’s little girl becomes a woman, he’ll teach her how to use explosives and basically drop in with a packet of bread and stories to tell

Pyro:

- Pyro is just excited about having a daughter, that’s another person to host tea parties with!

- Dear god where they afraid of hurting her, especially since they worked with dangerous amounts of fire 24/7

- Cute clothes for the baby girl? FUCK YES!!!

- Stuffed toys? YOU BET!!!

- You enjoy watching Pyro play with your little girl, and you loved to join in

- All three of you celebrate the holidays like there is no tomorrow, and you absolutely love it

- Pyro surprisingly teaches your daughter how to be safe around fire. The last they want is to see their little girl covered in burn marks

- They are generally good with giving advice, but stuff like puberty is a zone Pyro does not go to, often leaving those questions with you

- When your daughter grows up, Pyro loves dropping in for tea, and definitely loves bringing up baby photos of your little girl

Demoman:

- Demoman is over the moon when he first met his daughter. He forever counts himself lucky he had the eyesight to see her

- Babyproofed the house and never laid a finger on explosives when she was around

- You never thought you’d see the day Demo would stop drinking, but ever since your daughter was born he didn’t touch a single drop

- He never consistently bagged your child about becoming a demolitions expert, but he always had fun making small and safe explosions in the yard every now and then

- He is the parent who sneaks their child a sip of Whiskey on the rocks. You were certainly not impressed when you caught him

- He did return to drinking as his daughter grew older, but he never drinks to the amounts he drank before she was born

- He is really good with life advice (thanks to his own mother), and is the dad that tries to guide his child along the straight and narrow path

- When she grows up he takes her down to the bar to drink responsibly, and he loves telling her stories of his days working as a mercenary

- You bet he tests the romantic partner with hardcore shots of Rum containing 90% Alcohol

- FYI such alcohol exists

Heavy:

- Heavy helped his mother raise his sisters for years, so having to look after a baby girl was easy for him

- Soft lullabies and fairytale stories at night were Heavy’s favourite moments of the day when your daughter was young

- Great with advice and puberty questions, though he sometimes turned to you to ask if he was answering them properly or not

- Definitely teaches his daughter fluent Russian and boxing

- As she gets older he starts talking more about his past as a mercenary and former life in a Russian gulag

- He definitely teaches his daughter the history of Russia and how bad things can be if a bad person was left in power

- When she grows up he is the loving father who loves talking as often as he can with his daughter. No matter how old she is, he would always call her by her childhood nicknames

Engineer:

- Engi wrote down lullabies on his guitar for her even before she was born

- Baby furniture was all assembled by hand by this Texan man

- He loves giving the infant girl cuddles and tries to get her to speak as early as humanly possible

- As she gets older he allows her into the workshop so long as she promises not to touch or break anything important or dangerous

- The amount of times this daughter of his has broken that rule is enough times to give him chronic back pains at the ripe old age of not-even-50-yet and you so very close to banning her from entering his workshop

- He is great with advice and even greater with schoolwork. He loves having discussions with her about subjects she doesn’t know too well. He will leave you with some personal questions if he can’t find the words for it

- He will encourage her to pursue her passions no matter what they were, even if society deemed it inappropriate. If she wanted to be a nurse or a lawyer or even the fucking Queen of England she can damn well strive to be just that!

- He invents various toys and items for her whenever an idea strikes him fancy, and he will teach her how to handle a wrench and a sink at least

- When she grows up he will continue making things for her and send them her way at random times. He will also be the aged father who loves playing the guitar for her

Medic:

- Local medical man knows you were pregnant with a girl before you were 3 months pregnant

- Said medical man was over the moon he had a daughter to look forward to (you found it surprising that he wanted to dress her up in a lot of cute outfits)

- Medic would always take charge with making sure you and your unborn daughter were healthy and happy throughout the pregnancy

- He would also be the one to deliver the baby! The amount of happy tears he shed holding her for the first time was the most happy you had seen him in a long time

- Having a baby kept Medic in his toes. No child of his, daughter or son, was going to go through the night with a cold!

- He is the one who always patches up his daughter’s scratches with bandaids and song-like words that cheer her up

- God forbid him even let her into the Medbay in the middle of an experiment

- Medic would let his child feed the birds, and Archimedes loves hanging around your daughter

- Medic would go to you for help when he needed advice on how to take care of his little girl properly, but otherwise the both of you were just fine

- When your daughter grew up the first thing she did was go to Medical school inspired by her father’s career, and he would help support her as much as he could

- She would also take care of her own brood of doves

- She promised to keep away from experimenting for your sake

Spy:

- THIS MAN WAS A NERVOUS WRECK WHEN HE FOUND OUT YOU WERE PREGNANT

- He already failed to raise one child, so why did fate give him another?!

- He promised himself he wouldn’t run like he did with his first child, and stuck with you throughout the pregnancy

- He would not let you mention how much he cried holding your daughter for the first time to anyone else

- He was a very cautious man once your daughter arrived. He even stopped smoking inside buildings to avoid ruining her lungs

- Taught her how to speak French as early as she could understand it. This may have lead her to develop his accent over time but you love it

- Advice was something Spy trusted you to do more than himself. He would never shake the fear he was going to fail at his second attempt at being a father

- You always found your heart melting whenever you caught your daughter and Spy resting with one another after reading a bedtime story

- Even after growing up, Spy always looked out for his daughter, and wouldn’t hesitate to protect her from any of his enemies that try to harm her or you

- He is forever grateful he was given a second chance at fatherhood, and did his best to not let it go to waste

A/N: So I’m back! Hope ya didn’t miss me too much. Thanks for being patient with me!! 💕💕

[tf2-hellhole]

Do you have any Parent!Merc headcanons? (Honestly, all of your content clears my skin and waters my crops)

Awww I’m glad you like my blog!! I kinda based this off of my merc retirement headcanons btw

Scout:

When his first kid is born/adopted, he’s really nervous. He doesn’t know if he can be a good parent for his kid, and the idea of letting his child down the way his father let him down terrifies him. It takes a lot of comforting from his S/O to make that anxiety go away.

Whenever the baby cries in the middle of the night, he always gets up to go to them, every time. He’ll fix whatever is upsetting and will just sit with them until they go back to sleep, silently and lovingly watching over them before going back to cuddle his S/O if they woke up too.

He’s the friend-dad type. The kinda guy who runs around the house playing tag with his kids and eventually breaks something by bumping into a table.

He will absolutely teach every single one of his kids to play baseball. They have broken seven windows while practicing, some of them the neighbors’ windows.

He will show up to PTA meetings, and he WILL throw tons of shade at the asshole soccer mom

Soldier:

Soldier is so unbelievably excited when the child is brought home. Finally, he’s a dad!

Will unironically tell his baby to stop being lazy and to get up and help around the house.

He’s a little strict but he’s actually an excellent parent. His S/O was actually a little worried about how he would be with the kids but he spends a lot of time with them and they have a great relationship

He’s that parent who shows up to every band concert/sports game/whatever and screams encouragement from the crowd. He has been kicked out of several events.

He’s always encouraging his children to put in lots of effort and work towards achieving their dreams. He’d like his kids to join the military, but he surprisingly doesn’t complain if they don’t

Pyro:

Pyro is excellent with babies and children, though they can’t care for them. Like, he can play with and entertain a baby and is very careful with one, but he doesn’t know how to properly feed, bathe, or clothe it. That part of raising the child is more up to their S/O.

Somehow, they can get the baby to go to sleep very easily

They’re always wanting to go on fun adventures with their S/O and kids on the weekends. They all travel all over and it’s really fun.

Annual Disneyland trips are mandatory

Overall, Pyro is the fun parent and they have an excellent relationship with their kids. But the dynamic is more like the S/O raising a few normal kids and one larger kid that has a job.

Has a very cute nickname for each kid, each one related to some kind of candy or small animal. Only their S/O and kids know about it, since they always wear their mask in public.

Demo:

Demo absolutely panics when he learns that his S/O is pregnant/wants to adopt. He wants kids but he’s really convinced that he can’t raise a child, and he’s scared that his S/O will leave him over this. He literally has a panic attack and needs to be comforted by his S/O.

His S/O acknowledges that he’s not perfect, but they know that if he really wants kids, he can put in the effort to change for the better. With their encouragement, he goes into rehab and after several attempts he manages to quit drinking.

But this also results in Demo’s family distancing him more over the fact that he knows what his parent’s methods of raising him did to him and doesn’t want that for his kid. After this, the only person who will still talk to him is his mother, but he couldn’t care less.

He’s a surprisingly responsible father, but he’s still very playful with his S/O and children.

He’s very physically affectionate. He always gives his little children lots of cuddles and tickles and playful kisses to make them laugh. Once they’re grown, he always hugs his daughter(s) when he sees them and gives his son(s) the handshake-bro-hug because he’s the cool dad

Heavy:

While his S/O are trying to find children to adopt, he falls for all the kids who have been through the most. He wants to give them the future they’ve been denied by the circumstances of their life. He will demand to adopt any Russian immigrant children if they find any

He hates how he intimidates the children with his size when they’re first brought home. There are a few nights he can’t sleep because of how horrible he feels about it, and even fewer where he has to be comforted by his S/O the whole night.

He finally gets his children to trust him with reading. If they’re little kids, he’ll read to them all the time. If they’re older, he’ll buy them books of their favorite genre and will probably try reading it himself so he can discuss it with them. It totally works.

He’s a very, very good listener. His kids will often go to him for advice, even once they’re adults. He’ll listen attentively and he won’t say a word until they’re finished speaking, then he’ll give his thoughts. It’s almost like therapy.

Engie:

Engie is a family man, through and through. He’s always dreamed of having a family and he’s so excited that he’s finally made it!

He’s always giving his kids tons of encouragement, and he is always reminding them of the value of hard work and lots of effort.

Once his kids are old enough, he has them help him around his ranch and teaches them to ride horses.

He loves to take his family to all sorts of fun places on weekends and vacations. His personal favorite place to take them is the rodeo, of course.

He barbecues and grills stuff all the time. It’s one of his favorite things to do, and will definitely teach his kids how to do it. His kids are always excited for the weekend because that’s usually when he has the time to grill, and some of his kids will pout if he doesn’t have the time to do it.

He loves telling people about his kids. He’s so proud of all of their accomplishments and loves them all dearly.

Medic:

He’s actually kind of distant from his child for the first few years of having them in his life. It causes some tension between him and his S/O. But after a while, he sees that this is what his parents were like to him. He remembered how little they cared for him, and how much that hurt him. So he makes an effort to bond with his child, and over a long while they eventually become very close.

His child will absolutely also have an interest in the human body, and will often join their father in the lab, even if Medic’s S/O thinks it’s not safe for them. Most of their bonding is over their shared interest

He lowkey spoils his kid, but he’s very good about not taking it so far that they become a brat. He doesn’t want his kid to be like he was when he was young.

He loves traveling with his family, and he’ll take them all over the globe. He encourages his child to learn a language other than German and his S/O’s language and to study in another country for a while. He absolutely wants them to get a higher education. He doesn’t understand if his child chooses not to, but he still supports them.

Sniper:

He misses his S/O and kid(s) so much when he’s out working for several days, but he has to get money to support them. He has a bunch of pictures he keeps in his camper for when he misses them or feels lonely.

When he calls to see how his family is doing, he always has to talk to his kid(s) and ask them how their day was, and how school was.

He loves to take his kid(s) out into the wild and teach them about plants and animals and all sorts of things about nature. By the time they’re 18 they’re practically an expert on the ecosystem of where they live.

He definitely teaches his kid(s) to use a bow or gun once they’re older, even if his S/O tells him it’s unsafe. It’ll be he and the child’s little secret.

He’s a surprisingly playful and affectionate parent, and is always getting up to all sorts of shenanigans with them.

He has a bunch of silly nicknames for them, most of them animal names. He probably started jokingly calling his S/O his ‘roo and his kid(s) his joey(s), but it eventually sticks.

Spy:

Like Medic, he’s a little cold to the child for the first few months after they’re adopted, but he sees how much this hurts and worries his S/O, so that’s when he starts making an effort to bond with them. It’s pretty awkward at first but he eventually becomes close with them. He does this by taking the child wherever they’d like to go and basically getting them whatever they want.

Spy sometimes cries quietly during the night with his partner there to comfort him. He never thought he’d have a family of his own, and he doesn’t know what he did to deserve his S/O or his child.

He will absolutely make sure his child knows how to defend themselves. He’s still paranoid that his enemies will find his family someday despite how good he is about keeping his connection to them secret, so he teaches them to fight with no weapons and with some small melee weapons.

If his child is homeschooled, (they probably will be) he teaches as many lessons as he can. He’s kind of an asshole teacher at first but after receiving some pointers from his S/O, he becomes a very patient and gentle teacher.