#purifying the problematic

[emmg]

Eh, I don’t usually post my writing here unless it's Dragon Age—especially not multi-chapter stuff (because I usually abandon most stuff halfway through lol). But I’m slowly returning to my roots as a one-shot enthusiast, it’s Kinktober, and, surprisingly, I don’t hate this one.

Fair warning: it’s toxic, violent, dark, angsty, and full of mutual obsession, because, of course, Tav and Raphael are the epitome of a healthy relationship.

Euh, 18+ I guess, mind the violence and the sex lol

[hypermascbishounen]

RIP people who confidentally walk into a series with a ton of incest fanart/fic assuming it will not be canon, and getting immediately flashbanged with canon incest. You are the funniest example of hubris, especially when you stay around in denial about what you got into.

[damnfandomproblems]

Fandom Problem #8915:

Before "problematic media" existed people were raping and murdering one another. Humans don't have to read about bad things in order to get bad ideas. Removing dark fanfiction isn't going to fix jack shit! Not letting people write it isn't going to solve anything either! You could purge everything you hated from literally everywhere but that won't ever stop people with awful intentions. This obsession antis have with "purifying" fanfiction and media in general is stupid.

You want to make a tangible difference? Volunteer or donate to organizations that help real people! Become a counselor or social worker! Do something besides harassing strangers online and get a life

[thearchercore]

okay so just bringing some serious questions to the fia. i have been around for the whole saga but didn’t really think too deeply about the ridiculousness of the fia rules around cursing. like. is this truly the problem. you host races in some of the most deeply problematic countries civil-rights wise in the world and this is where you draw the line.

also then again i go to a college where it is normal for instructors to curse in class if it’s their vibe. and yesterday our superintendent said we are going to win our football game this weekend and “kick their asses” so maybe im the not normal one.

upon a second longer of reflection, no. the fia is just weird.

i think it's a cultural issue (ben sulayem is from the UAE) and also it's very unnecessary agenda they use against drivers they have bias against - like max. who then gets bigger fines because there's really no precedent on who is getting what punishment. they just sort of decide on the spot.

it's like they also lack general agenda so they decide to pick apart drivers (jewelry, swearing, underwear) and find issues they can use as something to "purify" the sport in a way. i've also noticed he's been on multiple trips to meet with politicians and presidents where he discussed the issue of swearing in sports as an issue everyone needs to tackle. he somehow includes all these issues in the "hatecrime" and "cyberbullying category" - as if charles and max saying "fuck" about a messed up car situation is on the same level.

it's a situation that kept getting increasingly worse, and i'm glad the drivers spoke up. based on what charles said, they got no official response so we'll see. i think the media day will give us a fair share of opinions

[ofironandivory]

This is gonna sound weird but like... I feel like some fandoms can't work unless they're made up exclusively of proshippers!

Seeing fans trying to justify and purify their blorbos and their actions, while condemning and harassing people over different characters is really something.

It happens a lot in fandoms where the source itself is composed of 99% problematic characters and tropes; like Danganronpa, South Park and Hellaverse, for some reason, and it always feels like this meme:

[covid-safer-hotties]

Reference saved in our archive

A covid study for those interested in religion or having a covid-related talking point for the next time they see their rabbi.

Abstract During the COVID-19 pandemic, synagogues faced closure, and many non-Orthodox communities transitioned their prayer services to online platforms. This presented a significant challenge for community leaders and rabbis who were faced with a profound community crisis. An innovative response emerged including new prayers and the adaptation of existing ones to better address the pandemic’s unique realities, integrating aspects of health, divinity, community, and the environment. This study engages in a textual analysis of these prayers, exploring how these mirror cultural and social attitudes toward the body and embodiment. While the body was seen during the COVID-19 period as problematic, an object of contagion and spreader of disease (e.g., by not keeping proper distance or masking), in these particular texts it is no longer slandered, but revealed as an obedient and disciplined agent. The prayers seek to overcome the disruption in the individual’s relationship with their body and with other bodies. The prayer authors propose to the worshipper, while also conceptually changing traditional ideas and practices, to view the body as an object that must be cleaned, vaccinated, purified, and allowed to continue its function. The concern for both the well-being of the living body and the dignity of the deceased extends to care for society and humanity as a whole. Therefore, this liturgy can be seen as a pragmatic means to promote a “theology of humanistic responsibility.”

[thelunarfairy]

Predictions of the tragedy

Aidairo left this information in the air ~

Can't understand? let me help you

"Hey do you know if hanako kun seal come off, the entire world will fall in disrray..... * that was close-!!* *heart thumping*

This reminds me of this

and this

Hanako's seal + threat of Hanako being very dangerous and difficult to control + future of the school is being destroyed + Sakura wants everything to be destroyed and uses Hanako and Yashiro to do so + Hanako is sometimes represented as a "dinosaur" or a giant monster + Hanako's own repulsion towards himself + Hanako is seen with this dark shadow on his chest that sometimes spreads across his body = Will everything be destroyed by Hanako?

I add even more The fear that Hanako seems to feel for himself if he loses the seal. He's the first one I've seen that likes being sealed, for some reason.

The ghost boy can transform into a highly destructive and out of control monster that can destroy everything in sight unless someone restrains him.

So let's think a little, what if Tsukasa is removing all the Yorishiros so that the passages between the supernatural and the world of the living are freer, and this gives strength to this "God", the more seals removed, the stronger he becomes.

What if he is doing this to release the creature living in Hanako, so that he becomes stronger and can fulfill his wish, but this could lead to a problematic future.

Yashiro has a kind of purifying power, but we saw what happened when she did that to Tsukasa.

What if Yashiro is the one who has to stop Hanako? Considering that she will only die if she takes out all the yorishiros then…

If that God grants a wish to whoever takes out all the yorishiros, which are seals, it means that this is very related to him and his power, the seals can keep that "God" contained. Knowing that the creature lives inside Tsukasa, and that it probably also lives inside Hanako, would make him stronger and he would take control again.

If all the seals are removed, including Hanako's, does the creature take control and Yashiro dies from trying to contain and save Hanako in the process?

So he would kill the girl he loves, the same way he killed his beloved brother?

It's a little crazy, but it's still a possibility.

He tries to save the girl he loves but in the end it's his fault for her death? (my heart hurts just thinking about it ;~;)

But what does Sakura have to do with it? Could she be a Kannagi who wants revenge? Why does she want both supernaturals and humans to disappear from existence? And why would Tsukasa agree to this? Many questions…

It was a random thought I had when I saw the image of Hanako worrying about his seal. It could all be nonsense in my head. Maybe someday I'll organize these theories better

[mutfruit-salad]

I am sorry.

I enjoyed the show, I didn't analyze it critically when I should have and actively recommended it.

I realize the error of my ways and feel guilty.

Do you have any recommendations for good media in place of it?

The thing is that engaging with media isn't activism and engaging with more "ethical" media doesn't make for a better worldview. It's fundamentally impossible to purify your soul by consuming art, and the idea of purity in that way is already missing the forest for the trees.

Fallout New Vegas, along with 1 and 2, are games I love deeply. But New Vegas has horrendous problems with racism- specifically anti indigenous racism. 2 has some awful tonal problems and some downright horrifically aged humor.

The thing is, despite these works not being perfect- I still find tremendous value in them. The show, for all I have said about the ways it makes me deeply uncomfortable, is still quite often an engaging piece of art: an impressive passion project of thousands of creators and writers and filmmakers coming together to make something they believed in.

While I find the show's narratives quite troubling- I am also enraptured by the ways they're often presented. It is a show that is stylish and interesting and I think most people watching it don't notice these things.

Media analysis isn't a means of solving the ills of the world- because making media less problematic wouldn't solve any of the underlying biases that the society that PRODUCES this media has. Works like these are a branch of the tree, not a root. I'm pointing these things out as a way of countering some of these narratives- but also with the hope that it will help people notice these narratives in other places.

I'm not telling you that you can't like the show, or that liking the show makes you a bad person. I don't like it personally- and I'm wary of much of what the show is saying- but ultimately it is just a piece of art, and it should be understood as part of the current cultural landscape- created to turn a profit and entertain audiences. It is a product of its time and its culture and should be understood as such.

The things present in the show that we find offensive stem from the society that produced it- and must be understood as systemic problems and not one-off failings of the Fallout show team (not to say they are innocent, just that their particular wrongdoings are part of a larger issue.)

There are things far more important than the fallout show being problematic. Save the energy for other fights. There are a lot of people who need help right now. Take this as a learning lesson, and look out for these things in the world around you- not just on TV and in movies.

I hope this doesn't come off as rude or dismissive, and I hope it gives you something to think on.

[number-one-castiel-apologist]

Why I think Sam Winchester is queer coded:

^specifically the psychic/demon blood storyline(s)

(my fuckass essay !!!) 

long + has spoilers for all of spn

So, lemme preface this by saying when it comes to this man, I reach levels of bein delusional that shouldn’t be possible. and, I don’t think every “tragic” character is or should be queercoded (that would probably be y’know, kinda problematic), I just relate to Sam a lot. I also think that he’s queer(bi*) but for different, separate reasons than being queer-CODED. (And Jared Padalecki supports that interpretation too sooo :) …) *I ship him and Eileen. 

Also, I’m probably missing some shit cause I didn’t start writing this til I was already on the later seasons. So, the early stuff is just from memory. And I have a shit memory. if you like, know me, please don’t read this. It’s very much tinhatting and it’s extremely embarrassing. -_-

So, first of all, all he wants is to be normal.. fuckkkk why the hell are you so relatable Sam?? Within the narrative he’s always called things like “weak and feminine”. + he’s shamed for his desires and actions. 

(This is why he’s my comfort character. That doesn’t directly tie into the queer coding, I’m just a guy with long hair, who was raised in the south, with a much cooler “typically masculine” brother figure, and a shitty dad. Also Sam dresses like me, has similar mannerisms, similar food shit, and tbh he made me not wanna die so much. Cause seeing him on screen helped me feel like I finally saw someone who reminded me of myself, who got a happy ending and could just live. So. Side note, I do relate more to Dean personality/social wise though.) Any character that gets called an abomination (by Cas in like s4 I think) is INSTANTLY my pookie. Sorry, I don’t make the rules. 

I wrote most of this while I was on weird ass allergy meds that did something to me. and yeah. none of it makes any sense. Enjoy!

First of all, the way his (presumably) first kiss(*) was with a person who was also a freak in every definition of the word… and she tells him that he’s a freak, but it’s okay because so is she. She makes him feel safe. For the first time, Sam finds comfort in who he is. In his differences from his “normal” dad and brother. That’s how I felt the first time I met another queer person (who I had a crush on). It’s like finally finding the missing piece of yourself. Community. And he can’t tell anyone about it or her because it would be seen as dirty and wrong. Now that I think about it, most of his love interests were other “freaks” or creatures like him— outcasts.**

(*from “the girl next door” season seven, episode three.)

** 1. Madison, werewolf

2. Ruby, demon

3. Amy, wraith

Then, there’s this scene:

(Sam), “You know, I’ve been remembering things, little things, so clearly—” (Sam), “You know, I’ve been remembering things, little things, so clearly—”

(Dean), “What, donkey rides?”

(Sam), “You used to read to me, um, when I was little, I— I mean, really little, from that old, uh… Classics Illustrated comic book. You remember that?”

(Dean), “No.”

(Sam), “Knights of the Round Table. Had all of King Arthur’s knights, and they were all on a quest for the Holy Grail. And I remember looking at this picture of Sir Galahad, and, and, and he was kneeling and— and light streaming over his face, and— I remember… thinking, uh, I could never go on a quest like that. Because I’m not clean. I mean, I w— I was just a little kid. You think… maybe I knew? I mean, deep down, that— I had… demon blood in me, and about the evil of it, and that I’m— wasn’t pure?”

(Dean), “Sam, it’s not your fault.”

(Sam), “It doesn’t matter anymore. Because these trials… they’re purifying me.”

(End scene)

(From “the great escapist” season eight, episode twenty one. All convos that are taken from official (I think?) transcripts.)

He feels like he can’t be righteous. This is exactly how I was when I was a kid. I thought I couldn’t be anything good because I was gay, even when I didn’t fully know/understand (the way he says it) that I was yet. I felt dirty and evil and wrong. I thought I couldn’t be close to god, to the point I was terrified of communion because I thought my uncleanliness would send me to hell. I was taught that was what would happen, so it was just a fact I accepted. Sam being the brother who had faith takes me out cause like, that was me. I was the person who prayed and believed and all it got me was rejection. I was labeled a freak. I’ve called myself one more times than I can count. Just like he did. 

But really, just watching this scene felt like it healed something in me. The first time I saw it I wanted to scream, THATS WHAT IM TALKING ABOUT! THATS WHAT IT MEANS! Amazing delivery. Amazing dialogue. Everything. Ten out of ten. This changed my brain chemistry forever. 

“I have a disease in me, pumping through my veins. I can’t rip it out or scrub it clean. I’m a whole new level of freak.” Sam, in season four, episode four. 

That pretty much sums up how I thought about myself in my childhood/teenage years. The way Sam thinks he’s wrong and “impure” from an early age has always connected with me. His character has always felt like a parallel to the (my) experience as a queer person. I just connect to him on an unexplainable level for equally hard to explain reasons. ig

Plus, there’s the way his love life either ends in death or tragedy(/almost(?) everyone he gets with dies). And that’s not rlly super queercoded (unless you think about AIDS or something) I just like that because I’m also traumatized and I’m a slut for characters’ pain. So I wanted to mention it.

Actually I take that back— it’s very HIV/AIDS. it’s a whole thing about blood and not being clean, and the way his “sin” is transmitted for the first time is through Ruby, his demon lover. 

Tieing into that, there’s something just so desire-repression-longing-shame-religious guilt-giving in to the pleasure about his sex scenes with Ruby. Dayummm. Also blood and sex as a metaphor (like with vampirism) has long been held as a sort of queercoded thing. (Bram Stoker’s Dracula-- my beloved. THE queercoded book.)

There’s also the little bit of subtext with male “supernatural creature” type characters that other people have mentioned/noticed. (ie, that one witch guy. Paul?) Don’t qoute me on that, cause that’s more relationship/character interaction based than subtext/metaphor based. 

———

(Season eleven, episode eight, “just my imagination”.)

Imaginary. Friend. Wearing. Rainbow. Suspenders. “You can be whatever you wanna be.” Aghhhhh. I. AM. FOAMING. AT. THE. MOUTH. I couldn’t make this up. 

(Note from my mom: “I think you’re reading too much into this.” Am I? Absolutely. But that’s why it’s called a hyperfixation. I’m putting a shit ton of sub into this text.)

In season two Sam goes on a brief journey of self discovery. This brings this quote: “I’m trying to find answers about who I am. And my brother means well but he can’t protect me from that.”* (I think he’s calling Ellen here?) I get this, though. When you’re trying to figure out who you are, and you’re different, everyone around you tries to “protect” you in a way. From the world. From yourself. 

*This was probably in season two, episode ten, and that whole episode takes me out. Cause John’s love was conditional when it came to Sam and the demon blood. 

His powers have to be hidden from the other hunters (society). Dean is afraid that Sam will be hurt because of who he is, and that’s what LGBT people have to go through every day. That’s exactly like my mother telling me she was terrified of what might happen to me if someone found out I was different. 

So, seeing Sam’s brother (who practically raised him) saying that really hit home for me. And the way Dean almost treats him like “one of the good ones” is how homophobic/unsupportive family members will act towards you. They’ll say that everyone else is awful and disgusting “but not you” because you’re their blood. (The layers, people. The layers.) Sam’s “one of the good ones” to Dean because he has to be— he’s his brother. And Dean can hate everyone like him but he can’t hate Sam. 

A good example of “society” was Gordon. Gordon hunting monsters was a strong parallel to other forms of blind bigotry, where someone is unwilling to see a person’s humanity no matter what*. The way he vicisouly hunts down Sam in (season two) after this when his psychicness is “outed” to him is gut wrenching. Shitttt. Exactly how former friends (re)acted when I wasn’t in the closet anymore. -Violent and angry cause I wasn’t like them. 

(*that faction of vampires didn’t hurt anyone and I’m still pissed about this. “But monster bad” - no. Nuance. Please. This makes me INSANE. a lot of the time, supernatural just basically forgot there were ever good “monsters”/creatures.. like??)

Sam is always portrayed as the open and accepting one when it comes to the possibility of monsters being good or human-like, as well. He’s empathetic towards others who are different, like him. This is in contrast to Dean, who basically is really the action hero type who wants to shoot, first ask questions later. 

He (Sam) takes Jack under his wing. The speech he gives him in season thirteen, episode three, “patience” that goes something like “I know what it’s like to feel different… and be afraid of who you are…”, (I’ll elaborate later) where Sam promises to help him— This reminds me of the “older queer mentor-mentee” type relationship that I’ve been on both sides of. 

———

I feel like Sam would’ve started trying to kill himself at a young age to drown away all the feelings that he didn’t (couldn’t) belong. This is just a personal self indulgent headcanon that’s a little too dark for some silly cw show about monsters. Giving himself up to Lucifer as a vessel is basically suicide. And this happens after he thinks (that Dean thinks) he is irredeemable. I honestly don’t know how to explain it well enough, but his experiences are everything I’ve been through if you put it through a different lense, (since I’m not a psychic and demons n shit don’t, yknow, exist.)

“You’re unclean in the biblical sense.” - Billie the reaper (in season eleven, episode two - “form and void.”) Kill me. Kill me. 

It’s a reoccurring theme that there’s something fundamentally wrong with Sam, expressed by multiple characters. There’s several different reasons this is said over the years, but it always comes back to “you’re not clean/right.”

His relationship to religion and himself is connected. He feels unclean. For me, my prayers and beliefs affected that. His longing for a normal life reminds me of mine. And he can never have that because of who he is and the life he lives. I actually love all of his conflict with religion (“of course I pray everyday Dean” + that short season 11 arc my beloved. And then it’s actually Lucifer all along who was speaking to him? DELICIOUS. I love his torment.)

I’m not ashamed to admit I enjoy supernatural completely unironically. The bad effects, the weird ass stories, etc. You have to love and hate it at the same time? Nah, I just love it. So much. 

He prays the same way I did/do. And I love that because I see so, so much of myself in him. (Sam. Sammy. Samuel. I love you. Never change.)

…I’ve genuinely put more effort into this than any assignment shit i ever did for school. Quit school and watch Supernatural instead. Trust me. 

———

When Sam meets Magda, the physic girl, you can see the moment in his eyes where he goes “oh god, she’s like me.” Magda’s hyper-religious family keeps her locked in the basement as a prisoner for who she is— a psychic. Some hardcore religious families will treat queer people this way. The way Sam reassures her that she’s not evil or wrong, and that he’s like her, reads like a coming out scene. “There’s nothing wrong with you because I’m the same way so I’d know,” type shit. Reassurance. 

The scene:

(Sam awakens to find himslef in the basement floor with his hands tied behind his back.)

(Magda, singing) “You may talk about your men of Gideon. You may talk about you men of…”

(Sam, NOT singing), “Magda?”

(Magda stops humming)

(Sam), “Magda Peterson.”

(Magda), “That’s not my name. I’m not Magda. I’m the devil.”

(Sam), “No. no, you’re really not.”

(Magda), “He’s inside me. I can hear him whispering. He lets me hear what people are thinking. He lets me do things.”

(Sam), “What kind of things? Magda, I’m here… I’m here to help you. Show me. Please.”

(Magda looks at the cross on the wall. With the power of her mind, she makes it come off away from the wall and hover.)

*Short scene cut out for irrelevance*

(Sam), “Magda… You’re not the devil. You’re just psychic. There are others out there like you, like — like me. I have powers, too. I’d get these visions sometimes and — and I could move things with my mind.”

(Magda), “You can do that?”

(Sam), “Well, no, not anymore, I don’t think. But that didn’t make me the Devil. It - it - it just made me who I am.”

(Magda), “then you are evil. Mother says I’m evil, cause I hurt people.”

(Sam), “Who did you hurt?”

(end (of the important part of the) scene)

In lots of different movies, tv shows, and books, being a supernatural type of creature has been used as an allegory for minorities and the bigotry they face. So, I don’t think it’s too big of a stretch to say that Supernatural, intentionally or not, made Sam’s psychic-ness a queer allegory. 

When Magda faces off against her mom, she tells her “I’m not the devil. You are,” taking back who she is, which isn’t anything wrong or evil. In the end Magda gets killed by a man of letters, because some people will never see past their hatred of something or someone that’s different from them. Someone they don’t understand (the metaphor).

All of the OG Azazel psychics’ abilities “activated” at twenty-two. Usually people will discover their queer identities and/or come out at or near that age. I just think that’s interesting/neat. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

—-

In season thirteen, episode three, “patience”, several things happen that I want to include in this essay. 

The episode starts off establishing that a wraith is going after psychics (similar to a hate crime).* Also while looking at the transcripts for different episodes, I’ve noticed that that Robert Berens (who I believe is gay? - idk don’t quote me) writes a lot of the episodes that I feel have queer themes. And, as a queer writer, a lot of times, intentional or not, we tend to write from experience and the thought process of someone who IS queer, which can make characters come off with a queer reading. 

*Missouri remarks that he’s “going after our kind”. (Also I’ll die on the hill that Sam should’ve stayed psychic/telekinetic at least a little longer. There would’ve been so much good conflict, like this.)

The scenes

Number one:

(Dean), “Alright, well that thing might come back, so…”

(Patience), “Why?”

(Jody), “Well, all we know is that he stalks psychics.”

(Patience), “Psychics? Then what does he want with me?”

(Dean), “What do you think?”

(Patience), “I... No, I'm not... I get déjà vu sometimes but that's normal.. I’m normal.”

(Scene end)

The “I’m normal” is very reminiscent of trying convince myself I could be something different, ie: “normal”, instead of gay. Patience desperately wants to be normal, because she’s afraid of being different, and thats just a universal queer experience, baby. If I had a nickel for everytime I thought “I just want to be normal” I’d be filthy fucking rich. 

Scene two:

(Sam), “Why is it so hard? I've seen you throw people across the room. I've been thrown across the room by you.I've seen you open a gate to hell and now nothing? It doesn't make any sense.”

(Jack), “It makes sense, if I'm evil.”*

(Sam), “What?”

(Jack), “Just, go. Please.”

(Sam), “No, Jack. Why do you think you're evil? Because when I look at you, that's not what I see.”

(Jack), “Yeah well, Dean sees it. That's why he says... he said he'd kill me.”

(Sam), “He what?”

(Jack), “And maybe he should. Mom said I could be good, that I had the choice to be good, that it was up to me. But she's dead, because of me. I've only been on earth for a few days and I've already hurt people. I've already done bad things, and no matter how hard I try I can't... I can't do the one good, stupid thing you want me to. So I must be evil, like Lucifer.”

(Scene paused)

[[*I personally headcanon that Jack couldn’t use his powers because he was repressing them. and boy do I know a lot about repression. (I like to project onto my favorite characters okay?) Like, he was afraid to be who he is, yknow what I mean?

(scene continuation/irrelevant part of scene was cut out)

(Jack), “Sam, why are you being so nice to me?”

(Sam), “Because I know what it feels like, to feel like you don't belong. To feel like there's this darkness inside of you, to be scared of who you are, what you can do. Dean, Cas, my family helped me through that. So now I want to help you, because you're not evil, Jack.”

(Scene end)

This is the “older queer mentor” thing I was talking about. Sam, here in this scene, is supporting him and showing him, “it’s okay, I’m like you, and I made it. I’m okay and there’s nothing wrong with me.” he’s basically going “i felt that way at your age, and it gets better”, and I don’t know how many times I’ve had to say that to my younger lgbt friends. WHICH MIGHT MEAN NOTHING. but it also might mean everything. (Can you tell i have no better shit to do?)

Scene three:

(Missouri), “James, you can't.”

(James), “I can. I have to. Patience, she's... she's all I've got.”

(Missouri), “You have me!”

(James), “I don't want you influencing her, poisoning her. You need to say goodbye.”

(Missouri), “James…”

(Scene end)

This (Painfully) reminds me of being cut out of friends or relatives (especially children or younger people’s lives) because who I am would “poison them” or influence them to become like me. Because that was “dangerous.”

Scene four:

(Dean), “Have you given any thought to what's next?”

(Patience), “I don't know. School is in an hour, so I guess calculus?”

(Jody), “And your gift?”

(Patience), “I talked to my dad. He thinks I should put it away. Dad says we should just get back to normal. Maybe he's right.“

(Dean), “He is. This life, hunting, monsters, there's no joy in it. There's nothing but pain, horror and death. So if you get a chance at normal, you take it.”

(Jody), “Patience, wait. I may be out of line here but you don't have to listen to him. To either of them, if it's not what you really want. I had a daughter, I guess, Claire*, and I asked her to stay in line, to fight who she really was because I thought it would keep her safe. It didn't work, it never does. Your gift... or maybe you're right, maybe it'll go away. But if it doesn't? You try to force it down to make someone else happy, you will only make yourself miserable. It's your choice. But if you ever need someone to talk to or someplace to go, my door is always open.”

(Scene ends) 

*it’s worth noting Claire is canonically queer. (My wlw queen.) Again, what Jody says fits with how in real life, even well-meaning people will tell us to hide who we are because of the dangers of being ourselves/being out. It’s unfortunate, but thats a lot of people’s lives. Also, again with the obsession with normal, which will never not mean more to be because of my own life experiences. You can’t hide who you are, even if it means getting along in normal society. Being queer and staying in the closet feels like a slow, painful death. It hurts. 

Scene five:

(Dean), “I told him the truth. See, you think you can use this freak but I know how this ends and it ends bad.”

(Sam), “I didn't.”

(Dean), “What?”

(Sam), “I didn't 'end bad'. When I was the “freak*,” when I was drinking demon blood.”

(Dean), “Come on man, that's totally different.”**

(Sam), “Was it? Because you could've put a bullet in me. Dad told you to put a bullet in me, but you didn't! You saved me! So help me save him!”

(Dean), “You deserved to be saved, he doesn't!”

(Sam), “Yes he does, Dean, of course he does!”

(Scene ends)

*everytime Sam angrily spits out that he’s a freak, you could replace that with the other f-word and it would read shockingly like someone struggling with internalized homophobia. I’d know. (When other characters say it, the way Sam recoils is like a punch to the gut. I know that feeling and I hate it so much. THANK YOU MISTER PADALECKI!! -People who say he can’t act watched a VERY different show than I did??) Sam’s self hatred/shame is so important to me. Also there are probably instances of him saying things like this that I missed, but I didn’t start writing this til I was about halfway through the show so some of it is just from memory. 

In this specific scene especially, when Sam says the word freak he sounds so, so angry and bitter. A+ delivery. Also, when he refers to himself this way in this scene, it doesn’t sound like he personally believes it anymore. And that makes me so undescribably happy. 

Additionally, Patience’s dad kicks her out when she refuses to hide herself. That’s what happens to a lot of gay or trans kids when their parents find out about them. 

**Dean, again, has a sort of complex when it comes to Sam that he CANT be “one of the bad ones.” He has blinders on when it comes to him cause he’s family. 

—

In conclusion, when it comes to Sam Winchester, no one is doing it like me (derogatory).

Additional notes:

Something something, male crossroads demon(s). (The evil manifestations of your desires.) Idk I’m tired. 

Just look up “queercoded Sam Winchester”. Someone else has probably explained this way more eloquently than me. Also lemme know if I missed anything. 

(When I was trying to explain all this to my friend, she made fun of me by saying “oh yeah he’s totally gay cause he sees visions and has nightmares of people like him dying.” Fuck off, bestie. <3 She’s also a Sam hater. So.)

He can never be happy + he’s “always felt different”. Also the way supernatural is always criticizing “that apple pie life” makes me lose it. Why? Why? (A little detail I like is that Sam is also very understanding to Cas, who also feels/is like an outcast in his own family.)

Sam himself was never approved of by his family. I know how crushing it feels to have someone tell you who you are is inherently wrong. When Dean called him a monster/freak early on, my heart broke for him (and my younger self.) None of this is Dean hate btw. I love him I’m just slightly more Insane(TM) about Sam. That’s why I wrote an over four thousand word essay (on a theory I have) about him. 

(I also think Dean is queer. But in the way that “I need you” is NOT something you say to your boy best friend, where Sam is queer cause his whole life is a reflection of The Experience.)

Just literally the whole blood freak thing is coding (which by itself can be an allegory for addiction, but the way he treats this different part of himself personally resonates with me. There’s also some tie in with mental health issues/possible neurodivergence there, and I’ve dealt with stuff like that a lot. I know Jared has too, and he portrayed Sam’s struggles really beautifully.) I’ve just always personally thought it was a metaphor. (I also have some of those other issues it could be paralleled with so maybe that’s why I relate to him so much? I don’t know man.)

(Take a shot everytime I say metaphor. You’ll die of alcohol poisoning. I’m just not good with words when it’s this kinda shit. So sorry to anyone who reads this lmao.)

Normally this is where I’d say im right, but since im aware this is a long winded rant, this is where I’m asking y’all to please be nice. If you disagree with me, I’m chill with civil discussions, but don’t send me hate. Please and thank you !!

[movedtonewblogcheckpinnedpost]

Only Blood Communion and Interview With the Vampire to go now. I'll make more elaborated posts about my thoughts once I'm done with everything, but here are some of my opinions:

TVA is absolutely my favorite (I've said it before and will say it again: the most purifying cry I had in my life, it destroyed and restored me in the best possible way), TVL, TQOTD and Prince Lestat are also on my top 4, though I don't know where to place the latter on my personal ranking. The others are sort of tied and the order changes according to specific aspects. Like, Blood and Gold covers a lot of eras and places of the world, has multiple interesting characters, so it's fun in the sense there's a lot of stuff to see, even if I'm not a Marius's fan and he isn't the best narrator imo. On the other hand, something like Merrick is more packed, just her, Louis and David (and some Lestat), but I just love her as a character and the whole story of her family. I can't really choose.

Memnoch would be the last because it was the one I struggled with (tho I loved Armand on it), I thought the concept was great and I could've loved it with a more active, intense and eventful execution. Prince Lestat and the Realms of Atlantis is second-to-last because most of the plot was dumb to me, the part that made sense was solved in an unconvincing way, I had to do a lot of suspending disbelief even for a supernatural/sci-fi story... But it was nice to have so many characters I love reunited, even if some didn't have lines, it's nice to know they're around and I enjoy the vampires having sort of a healthy little community.

Favorite character is definitely Armand, then Lestat, then Pandora, Maharet, Mekare, Flavius, Merrick, Bianca, Gabrielle, Mona, Benji, Avicus and Petronia (they didn't appear much and did awful brutal stuff, yes, but having an intersex/gender-fluid character was great and they had so much baggage I could empathize with them). Most after Armand and Lestat are tied. I don't know if I'd call Benedict a fave, but I'm somewhat attached to him (and I KNOW about those spoilers). I LOVE Vittorio and Ursula too and I hope they can appear in some shape or form on the show. I don't looooove Antoine, but he's alright to me. He just seems to be a poor/broke dude who wants to live, have friends and dedicate his existence to his hyperfixations and I can relate because same lol. I get him.

Favorite pairings (either as an OTP or brotp): Lesmand (👑👑👑), Pandora and Flavius (👑👑), Maharet and Mekare (👑, they just don't get more crowns because they don't appear as much as I wanted 😔), Armand and Benji and Sybelle (as duos and a trio), Armand and Riccardo, Armand and Bianca (pretty much Armand and everyone that isn't Marius lol), Lestat and Mona (their childish siblings-coded beef entertains me), Maharet and Jesse and Vittorio and Ursula (👑👑). I wish I had seen more of some characters/dynamics, tho.

MAYBE I could tolerate Marius and even love Magnus (he seems to have a sad and interesting story) if all I'd seen of them had been the content of the last trilogy, but given the previous books, I'm not sure I can enjoy Anne's decisions. I have a lot of mixed feelings about Magnus apologizing and Marius's behavior not even being seen as something to apologize for in the first place, but that's for another post.

Some of the books I would've been able to read and love with or without the show, some I only read to get information, but I'm mostly glad I'm equipped with so much of the lore now. That's not to say there aren't problematic things even for the genre that I need to compartmentalize and ignore (to some extent and not completely) for my enjoyment, because there is a lot of that, but it hasn't been a waste of time. And I'm glad I know what can happen in the future, make silly little fancasts and have events to look forward to seeing on the series. Obviously, opinions can change with the next books, when I re-read the novels or even with conversations and discussions... And that makes me excited as well.

[evostrashbin]

I've come to you guys today with an important announcement, I have finally seen the error of my problematic ways and rejected them, I've broken free from the evil seduction of the Fell dragon and have pledged myself to Naga and the light instead. From now on, I shall be the #1 Fell dragon hater and invest my time into hunting and purifying any fell dragons and help save the world from their evil ways.

If you come across ANY fell dragons, please send them to me IMMEDIATELY.

[gonermaker-ocpicrew]

so you want to view normal undertale(/deltarune) content

this is mainly a place to put some of my blacklisted tags if anyone needs them.

if you're extremely new here, you probably noticed that the big undertale tags are dominated by content for aus that have moderate at best relevancy to the game and characters itself (dubbed "sans aus"). there also continues to be shameless posting of ships like fran.s and fontces.t. (if you're more interested in deltarune, good for you since those particular tags are a lot more usable and this guide won't be as helpful to you.)

first, i'd like to mention the safeutdr tag (also tagged "safe utdr"). it expressly forbids problematic ships, sexualization of underage characters, and portraying the human characters with yellow skin. it also happens to have minimal sans au content. the catch is that not everyone/everything that qualifies use the tag.

keep in mind that the canon relevancy of these aus is ultimately subjective. (underfell, glitchtale, and horrortale especially are not inherently sans-centric from what i've seen, and some people tag canon-adjacent AUs as "UTMV".). this is also a list made by someone who's gone out of her way to blacklist this stuff due to simple oversaturation since day one, so don't take my word as gospel wrt canon relevancy. i will occasionally update this list, so reblogs may be slightly outdated.

there is ultimately no guarantee that blacklisting these tags will purify your searches; some people are assholes that don't tag appropriately (especially those that gender frisk/kris/chara) or do so only with rare specific tags.

for "safety":

asriel x chara chans chara x asriel chara x gaster chara x papyrus chara x sans charasriel chasriel female chara female frisk female kris frisk x sans frisk x papyrus frisk x gaster fontcest frans male frisk male chara male kris papyrus x frisk papyrus x chara papyrus x sans swapcest sans x papyrus sans x chara sans x frisk

for plain filtering:

au sans cross sans dream sans dreamtale dust sans dust!sans dusttale echo dust eclipsetale epic sans errink error sans error!sans errorink errortale fallen dreamswap fatal error fell sans fellsans fellswap fresh sans fresh!sans freshtale geno sans glitch!sans glitchtale goth sans gztale horror sans horrortale ink sans ink!sans killer sans killertale lust sans mafiatale murder sans murdertale nightmare sans outer!dust au outer!dust sans palette roller sans paperjam sans au sans aus sans fusion sans oc sans x reader sans x sans sanscest slash sans soul sans swap sans swap papyrus swapfell swapfell papyrus swapfell sans trickster sans uf sans underfell underlust undertop undertop!gaster underverse ut au utmv wine sans xchara xfrisk xtale xtale cross xtale fanart zeltale zephrtale

Bonus tip: If you're ok with having all posts tagged with your blacklisted tags and words completely off the site as you view it from a browser, you can install the Xkit Rewritten extension, open it while visiting Tumblr, and select the "hide filtered posts entirely" feature under Tweaks.

[just--vi]

I don't have it in me to put together a single coherent thought, so I'm just here to complain about the state of my Tumblr 'for you' dash. I keep stumbling on these community posts complaining about everything. We need to tag Marauders fics with something new! Because it's so ICKY and GROSS that there are other ICKY ships in with my wolfstar!! (ao3 is an archive, block those tags!), and oh no don't we think it's terrible and that writing is deteriorating because soooo many people just want to read spicy scenes? There's no audience left for my good complex writing because everyone's too busy being slutty and horny! Stop it! Purifying ao3 in particular by condemning smut and ships you find 'icky' is inherently problematic, and why on earth do you care what sort of smut or spice other people read and write?

[princess-of-the-corner]

So I've been having thoughts on developing a proper Rogues Gallery for miraculous. This is going to be long and a little convoluted, I apologize in advance.

The first thing I was thinking about was how there is something of a civilian rogues gallery that already exists. As in, threats Marinette and Adrien regularly has to deal with, but not Ladybug and Chat Noir. These people include Bob Roth, Roger, Andre/Audrey, pre-redemption Chloe, Lila, Felix depending on the day, and occasionally less maligned but incompetent adults like the principal or Bustier. Due to the nature of ML, these are also some of the more frequent targets of akumatization. Gabe and Nathalie can actually also fall on this list, since they manage to be plenty problematic even when it's not part of an evil scheme.

So the issue lies in creating a separate superpowered Rogues Gallery that threatens LB and CN as heroes but not so much as civilians. Like, there's going to be overlap, but a lot of what, Bob Roth for example, does pre-akumatization had little to no bearing on the superhero shenanigans. So there needs to be some villains that do the reverse.

To use a Spider-Man analogy, they have their Flash Thompsons and their JJJs and even their Eddie Brocks/Venoms in the form of Lila, but they don't have, like, a Doc Ock or a Vulture or the rest of the Sinister 6, who don't really give a shit about Peter Parker.

So my next thought was, "what's the path of least resistance to creating a group of consistently present superpowered villains that don't really care about Marinette or Adrien?" And my answer to that was just take some existing akumas and revamp the butterfly powers a bit to make them stick around.

There's already Mr. Pigeon as a non-serious silly threat. I think keeping Stormy Weather, who's a pretty badass akuma and who's akumatization has literally nothing to do with Team Miraculous is a good one, but I'm unsure why Auroré would keep working with HM. Rogercop could be good. He tends to get akumatized because of Team Miraculous, but Roger is also kinda just an asshole, so I feel like there could be other reasons for it. I like the idea of keeping Simon Says too, as a villain that Gabe doesn't have a whole lot of control over, although why Gabe would repeatedly give him powers is a big question, and he's also a bit too sweet to just be villainous on his own. Darkblade could work for another silly one that's somewhat more threatening than Mr. Pigeon, and is also enough of an asshole/weirdo to regularly justify repeated akumatization. I also kinda want Copycat or a variant thereof, as someone who specifically has issues with LB or CN and isn't named Lila. But I'd love to hear your thoughts on who you'd add to the list. Like, I know they smoothed things over with him in canon and in HC, but I'm having trouble thinking of anyone else who has LB or CN related beef.

The main thing I haven't really worked out is how to revamp the butterly powers to make this feasible. My tenuous idea is that instead of like, directly empowering and lowkey mind controlling the akumatized villain in a weird kind of contract situation, the butterfly user just gives them a store of power they can draw on periodically with the power of their emotions. So like, if canon gives you a power that you can use infinitely, but only while being directly controlled by the Butterfly user, this version would give you, like 10 shots before you ran out of power and the Butterfly would have to empower you again. But the stronger your emotions, the more shots you get, or something like that. But that would require an emotionally charged villain to have the foresight to save their shots up for a later date, so IDK if this would actually work.

Thoughts?

Yeah I think my main thought is on the how/why they stay Villains and hm.

I think my thought on it would be the idea of something going 'wrong' in a way?

Maybe this could replace the thing of what happens when Ladybug doesn't Purify the Butterfly. Instead of Hawkmoth being able to make copies, the person just stays in their Akumatized state but is no longer controlled by Hawkmoth.

[solisitude]

quite literally could not fit this into the comment section of the video logically so im just making a post here because i think its important. not my usual content but idc.

i saw this video today.

and it just. pissed me off beyond belief so i decided to sit and refute every single one of her statements because she's just. wrong. so here we go!

I find this utterly disrespectful and just plain out wrong so I'm going to talk a bit about Islam because by your very directed comments it's clear that it's a religion you see as deeply problematic. Purity culture by definition is a Christian movement. "Religion" does not promote that, facets of Christianity do. Sexual abstinence is not something Islam asks people to strive towards, it simply keeps sexual intimacy within marriage. Virginity has no real hold in Islam beyond not having sex until you are married and this applies to both women and men. There is absolutely no concept of staying completely away from sex in the same way Priests or Nuns do. Women's modesty and sexuality are not patrolled in isolation, in the same way women have what we call an awrah (portion of you body that needs to be covered) men ALSO have an awrah. Just as hijab is mandatory for women, not shaving your beard is mandatory for men. These are indicators of our religion and things we believe bring us closer to God. Do not presume to understand why women wear the hijab. No where in Islam are you condemmed to hell for simply existing. In Islam you are condemmed for ACTIONS in the afterlife, granted you never seek forgiveness for them and even then God may forgive you because He is Most Forgiving. It is unfathomable that you are punished for something out of your control. Not being able to hold the Quran when menstruating has absolutely nothing to do with being "impure" it is simply a state of Wudhu. In Islam we can not pray or hold the Quran unless we are in a state of Wudhu in which we purify ourself with water. There are factors which break wudhu one of which is bleeding. If a man cut himself and was bleeding continuously, he would ALSO not be allowed to touch it. As we are continuously bleeding, we physically can not be in a state of Wudhu. All our Prophets are men because it is historically factual that sometimes no matter HOW hard we fight and HOW logical we sound, some men simply will not listen to a women simply because we are women. There would be people who refused logic just because a women was talking to them, ESPECIALLY during the time in which prophethood occured. In Islam we don't really have religious leaders, we have islamic scholars- called Aalims and Aalimas. There are both men and women scholars. The Prophet (S. A. W)' wife Aaisha (R.A.) famously relayed the MOST hadith (words and behaviours of thr Prophet (S.A.W)) out of all the Sahaba (people who knew the Prophet (S.A.W)). Do not presume you are able to talk for all women when it comes to the fight of feminism. It is in no way true that the only reason we have progressed as women is because we "strayed from religion" when my religion has only made me believe in feminism more. My greatest role model is a woman who fiercely protected my Prophet (S.A.W) in battle. I didn't come in here for a fight, but do not make broad statements about "religion" when you are blatantly wrong. If your problem is with people and the way they perpetuate misogyny and cover it up with the flimsy shroud of "this is what my religion says" and you take that at face value, then thats not my problem or anyone elses. People are flawed. My religion is not.

[darkosomatsuconfessions]

I THINK anon suggests transfem Choro is transmisogynist because it's taking a problematic guy like him and making him a woman, however the more anti sorts like ohhh a certain "V" (ssshhh) used that to purify Choro and claim that now being a woman made her good and respectable. Trans matsu headcanons good tho, all depends what people are doing but even then if they're offensive and mean blocking them before they notice you tends to help.

.