#pure heroine turns 10

[coutureicons]

[auntiefragile]

love how everyone is dressing in their tumblr 2014 best here. i did not but love how everyone else is

[dollsome-does-tumblr]

saw speak no evil last night, which i really enjoyed! it proved to be my very favorite kind of stressful movie, i.e. a slowburn thriller where people go to a beautiful and remote location and then Things Go So Wrong! it reminded me a lot of other faves ex machina, men, 10 cloverfield lane, the menu, ready or not, the recent blink twice, etc.

just some thoughts about this movie (spoilers!)--

+ i really enjoyed all the gender role stuff going on in this one a whole bunch. this is, of course, a classic gothic romp in my eyes. therefore, watching the dad -- down on his luck, feeling emasculated by his female family and by life not favoring him as much as it was supposed to! -- get seduced by the alpha male andrew tate-y bs embodied by james mcavoy's character, like the dad was but a shrinking naive gothic heroine missing or even lusting after all the red flags, was SUCH a fun subversion to me. yes! yes!!!

+ every time that mackenzie davis's character tried to establish boundaries and they got run over and then she let it slide to be palatable, i viscerally FELT THAT. there was, of course, a big element of 'privileged people wanting to appear woke so they keep being boundlessly pityingly nice to the poor people', but even deeper than that, i think this was a great portrayal of how women in particular are expected to constantly accommodate and ignore their intuition. the bit with making her eat the goose. D: and it got worse!

+ i also really liked how in the big showdown, the mom and the kids were the ones who actually took out the enemies, and the dad was the only one without a 'kill' to his name. (though he did sacrifice himself by jumping off the roof, mirroring Accomplice Wife's self-sacrificial death!)

+ gosh, the dark implications re: Accomplice Wife's character were so harrowing - the victim becoming the abuser - and the fact that the little girl was being primed to follow in her footsteps ..... D:

+ i enjoyed that the kids were the ones who had the sort of Big Finding Bluebeard's Closet Of Dead Wives Reveal. (my bf pointed out that this is a bluebeard story, and it so is! my favorite!) that sort of ASOUE-y feeling of kids having to make it on their own because adults aren't a guaranteed source of safety. MAN, poor ant. :'( that kid had a HORRIBLE time. i really admire his persistence in keeping on fighting and trying to communicate.

+ i saw someone in the reddit discussion thread say that couple vs. couple is an underrated trope, and i agree! would love to see more of that in cinema.

+ love how the title operates both on the level of "this kid can speak no evil about what we do because we cut his tongue out" AND "don't ever say anything mean to people or you might hurt their feelings and what could possibly be worse than that (oh, this, i guess) 😬"

+ can't believe they did nick miller's favorite song cotton eyed joe so dirty like that. :( that scene honestly brought tears to my eyes from pure misery. the fact that some parents really do treat their kids like that ...................... (even if that wound up not being totally the situation in this particular movie). disgusting and heartbreaking.

+ the most a+ "eternal flame" use since gilmore girls.

+ after i watched the movie i read up on what the original film was like, and may i just say: that would have broken me psychologically in the movie theatre. thank god i didn't have to see that. THANK GOD! sometimes american optimism really works for me, honestly. if it's a gothic, then in the gothic, they've always got to make it out at the end!!! bruised and bloodied and haunted but still standing! so i'm really glad they did!

+ it honestly never occurred to me that people would thirst over james mcavoy in this movie, because he's so gross and horrible, but it takes all sorts to make a world, it turns out. the internet teaches me that every day!

+ anyway, i had a great time watching this! would definitely watch again! but gosh, was it a special kind of fun and stressful to watch it unfold the first time.

[ilikekidsshows]

I'm just so annoyed that one can't even voice their frustrations with Canon anymore without being written off as a salter. Especially when it comes to Marinette. But at the same time, I know exactly that if anyone had said earlier that Marinette would pull all these things that season 4 and 5 have her do, the person would have been insulted and ripped apart as a salter and hater. But the moment Canon has Marinette actually DO it her fans turn around and claim that her having done it is either totally fine, not her fault, or must be tolerated cause it's part of the good and pure messages "they totally predicted this way all along with their totally unbiased Master-minds"

It is so obvious that this is what's happening in the Fandom. In season 4, everyone yelled that people are being too harsh on poor Marinette cause season 5 will totally have her fix for example her insanely negligent, dehumanizing, and self centered behavior towards Cat Noir

And yet, the moment season 5 showed that non of that will happen, they turn around and started talking about these hypocritical nonsense philosophies that it's totally fine that feeling sorry, taking accountability and improving one's shortcomings doesn't actually include feeling sorry, taking accountability and improving one's real shortcomings, cause poor Marinette needs to have servants and be pampered for her hurtful behavior, validated and excused in it, and crowned the queen of the world first and "you just hate WOMEN wah wah wah".

That they totally understand how canon works and Marinette will TOTALLY have this groundbreaking journey til season 10, and everyone is so unfair and horrible for being sexist and having expected so much of her as early as THE END OF SEASON 5. Whne she straight up isn't doing her best to make up for her mistakes, she barely even tries and instead sweeps everything under the rug, takes every excuse she gets and continues taking advantage of Cat Noir in particular so she doesn't have to feel uncomfortable for 10 damn seconds

Where was that energy in season 4, Marinette stans? You said something entirely else back then! What changed? The fact that canon didn't deliver on your endless excuses for Marinette, so you decided to continue adapting your excuses to whatever Canon has her do? Sounds about right.

I wished Marinette stans and even just her Fans would do us all a solid and just admit already that the morality of Marinette's canon actions and behavior doesn't truly matter to them. There is literally nothing they wouldn't excuse that much is obvious by now. No matter how much they themselves qualified her current behavior as "offensive salt" one damn season earlier.

---

I did comment at one point that Miraculous was starting to resemble a saltfic when it started lifting plotpoints straight from them (like Adrien apologizing for his really solid advice that instantly helped Marinette in Chameleon). But now it seems that canon has also lifted Marinette's new role from saltfics, except that the people she disregards haven't done any of the stuff they do in saltfics that makes them “deserve” Marinette's retribution. Unless Adrien totally did rip Marinette's sketchbook and I just missed it.

But, yeah, it's absolutely ridiculous that, if we traveled back in time a couple of years and simply described to people what happens in seasons 4 and 5, we’d get labeled a bunch of salters. Even now they call us salters just because we don't praise Marinette for doing this stuff, like it's our fault the main heroine of this series is an utter failure who never worked up the courage to ask the guy she likes out and whose response to being told her nemesis’ identity was to ignore it until he jumped her when she was digging for info on her boyfriend. And then she lost the fight. Marinette had two jobs as a protagonist, and she failed at them both. That’s not the fault of the fans who are disappointed by this; it’s the fault of the writers who think doing what will get them the most attention is more important than having their supposed role model, hero and protagonist actually accomplish anything on her own merit.

Because the writers claim that they had this “planned all along”, when they had a French historical hero walk on screen and call Marinette the best Ladybug ever, while they were planning on having her fail at accomplishing all of her goals. I used to think that the writers think Marinette should be praised for simply existing, but no, they think she should be praised for explicitly failing. And pointing out this utter failure of writing and heroism is salt. That's how low the fans of this trainwreck have brought the bar for what they consider good television, it's practically nonexistent.

[aleksanderscult]

You ever think about how Leigh said Alina was a feminist character and then wrote her ending about losing her powers and marrying the guy who belittled her for years and didn't like the fact that he was a grisha? A woman losing an important part of herself, said part making her part of an "ethnic" group persecuted and killed for just existing, to end up with the xenophobic and sexist dude. 10/10.

It was top-tier quality, my friend. I know. Only the real ones get it.

You see Leigh talks about how Alina not wanting the crown and preferring a quiet life is feminism.

First of all, Alina didn't choose to lose her powers. So the major problem starts there. Especially when you (the author) describe that said power as part of her heart and soul. Necessary to survive. And a part of her that she loved and refused to give away.

Second, you cannot give to the readers a protagonist that wants to live in the countryside when you have created a country that suffers politically, socially, half of its population is being persecuted and by the end of the book things are worse than ever. Your "little sunshine world where my heroine wants to pick flowers instead of fight" would fit nicely in Disney but this is the Grishaverse where Alina Starkov is being labeled the "Sun Saint" and people expect from her to change the world and, most importantly, to protect her people and give them a better future.

So, in other words, her feminist ideal for Alina just doesn't work in this world. It would be a nice dream but Leigh decided to turn it into reality and by doing so she said "fuck the Grisha, fuck the problems, fuck Ravka and its enemies". You cannot give a "happy ending" to Alina (because that wasn't a happy ending, let's face it) and condemn the rest of the world because you decided to incorporate your feminism.

Wanna do it? Wanna put your feminism there?

Well make Alina detach herself from Mal, make her being able to live without him for once. Give her determination and balls to do things herself and willingness to change things in her own way. If you gave a female character willing to put aside her own needs in order to serve her people that are in danger, then we would have a selfless heroine. Someone that people sympathise with and root (*cough Daenerys cough*). Instead Alina was designed to be a purely selfish woman that made the readers be like "Uhhh....thank God that you're fictional otherwise our world would be lost if it depended upon you".

[lordeemailarchive]

Pure Heroine turns 10

(27/09/2023) (PH 10 YEAR ANNIVERSARY DISPATCH)

Living in Ruins of a Palace within My Dreams

Photo by Simeon Patience

Hi,

Firstly, I wanna say thank you for your extremely supportive and kind messages after my last newsletter. I genuinely feel deeply cared for, less alone, and more sure that things will be okay after sending it! Albeit with a slight overshare hangover. I think a part of me knew that I had hit a wall, and that I needed to invite in the compassion and understand I’d been struggling to generate on my own, and then I’d have something to draw from and mirror. It feels like it’s working. I feel incredibly grateful that we have this relationship, that we can each give when the other needs it. Beautiful stuff x

Now, might U have noticed it’s 2013 mode round here????????? Yes that’s right, it’s a very special anniversary… Pure Heroine is... ˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡TEN ˚*ੈ✩‧₊˚ YEARS ˚༘♡ ⋆｡˚ OLD ੈ✩‧₊˚ TODAY ! ˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚

You may (like me most of the time) hold the opinion that this album has been MYTHOLOGISED QUITE ENOUGH, but a milestone is a milestone, so I thought coming here and typing some shit to u about this time would be a fun thing for those who care.

2 xxxxtra special ltd time only commemorative designs by Hassan, who did the original of this bootleg tee 10 years ago❤️

It’s close to midnight, and I’ve just finished scrolling through my entire computer and phone archive from 2011-2013. Going on this memory lane ride has reminded me, for one thing, what a different time it was technologically. We were just starting to be able to see ourselves in real time, but we weren’t constantly connected. I had an iPod touch until halfway through 2013, which didn’t have a front camera or internet access, and my sister and I shared a MacBook, which is where we did our schoolwork and I wrote my lyrics. I took my first few years of selfies on Photo Booth…. Just let that… sink in!!!

Note the Royals Nat Geo pic in background— it’s happening...

When I was fourteen, my greatest work of art was my bedroom. A very cool, very classic teenage bedroom, Andie’s and Duckie’s from Pretty in Pink meets the Virgin Suicides— fairy lights, fabric on the ceiling, candles, stolen road signs (badman), paper lanterns, beer crate shelves, magazine pictures and club night posters and permanent marker on the walls. Bliss! I’d sit up there and vibe out, taking a lot of selfies. Creating a small-scale work of art using the self, and then examining the product from every angle, was the best method I had to express myself and exercise creativity at that time, and I now see it as an important PH incubation phase, whether I knew it or not. Something really amazing about a young person starting to see their own face and body for the first time, coming to a very secret understanding that they are beautiful. 

I started to smoke weed, which gave me a deeper understanding of sensory pleasure, and allowed me to start to see my world as a possible work of art. I’d go on long walks around the neighbourhood, and began to mythologise the stuff around me (big empty floodlit rugby fields/bus rides/dark streets/boredom/isolation) into the motifs that would become Pure Heroine. I wore a lot of like, navy lipsticks from the 2 dollar shop. God, this aesthetic, It’s just TOO MUCH.

At some point in here, I met Joel, and another piece of the puzzle clicked into place. When you’re a teenager, you’re particularly sensitive to adults being condescending to you, not respecting the specific and finely tuned skills you have because of the ones you don’t. I was always on the look out for it, and from the first day meeting Joel, I knew that he would never give me that feeling. Which I’m sure wasn’t easy — my wallet at the time was the foot of a pair of tights that I cut off and knotted at the top — but somehow from the very beginning he made me feel like my ideas had value, like we were peers, in the most sensitive and age-appropriate way. 

My view for thousands of hours making this album

We got on a call earlier this week and broke down the complete history of making the album. We both agreed that making Pure Heroine was deeply exciting and intimate and free, and still one of our most treasured experiences. I’ve linked it here.The second half of 2013 is when I really met the world, went to America and Australia and Europe for the first time. I found an incredible (for some reason Christmas themed) disposable camera image of my stage outfits all over the floor of my hotel room, which really sums up how ad hoc everything was at the beginning — a jetlagged sixteen year old, late for lobby call and frantically stuffing thousands of dollars of borrowed clothes into a suitcase. 

In this stage, it felt like I pulled everything off by the skin of my teeth. Every week was the most exciting week of my whole life, I was so tired and still didn’t have a winter coat and took everyone clamouring for a piece of me completely for granted. I had zero cultural context, had no idea if an interview or TV show was huge or small, and so breezed through it all truly not giving a fuck. I am not a naturally nonchalant person, it was literally just too much to care about, I could hardly get up in the morning, so I just said absolutely whatever I felt like, all kinds of wild shit, if someone did something corny I’d say so, I was ruthless in that way that only teens are. Then through that year we went on our first tours, met you guys for the first time, hours and hours of hugs after the show, my favourite part so far and where it started to feel real for me. James took a lot of beautiful film photos through that time, and I’m really grateful he did.

Ten years goes really fast. One minute you’re wearing a leather collar with a giant crystal hanging off it to a Chanel party, and the next you’re blonde. A lot of stuff isn’t good after ten years. But I am still totally touched by this sweet record. I have deep respect for the vision of the little one making it. 

Going back through all of this has reminded me of something that feels important to point out, whether you make art or not: everything starts out as a bunch of bullshit in a laptop. Pure Heroine was a handful of Photo Booth selfies and emotional Word documents and Tumblr posts (and a gorgeous over-decorated bedroom) before it was even one song. I had no reason, on paper, to believe that I was capable of anything. But if you can trust that the first impulse you had to create came from a place of deep wisdom, develop a few principles for your decision-making, and absorb a lot of stuff you find inspiring, you’ll have something special on your hands. Pure Heroine exists because I had the tiniest inkling of what I’ve now come to see as one of my guiding principles: that each of us have a handful of songs inside us that are ours, and only ours, to sing. Your specific interests and upbringing and physiology and experiences exist only in you; you are sitting on a gold mine that no one can rob. Whatever that means to you, whatever that statement you were born to make is, I invite you to take a big breath and make it.

All my love for another ten years of all this, and more, and more—

Ella XXXXXXXXXX

(source: received this email)

[lucienne-thee-librarian]

More Lucienne Fic Recs

Part 2 to Morphienne and gen Lucienne centric fic recs, this is a non-exhaustive list of other Lucienne rarepairs!

Gaulcienne

This is Why I Don't Leave the House by @zorawitch has to be one of my most revisited and beloved fics not just for this pairing, but for this fandom ever. It's the one that actually hooked me for this ship, it's a human au but everyone is written - just spot on and it's both romantic as hell but with some serious drama too, the entire family is in this, even Despair actually gets moments to shine which is rare it seems. Dr*ml!ng is in it but very very briefly, like it's objectively the Side Pairing Where One Is On the Phone For 5 Minutes in the background for once, also contains very side (but weirdly cute) Desunity. I seriously want to turn this fic into heroin and put an IV to inject it right into my veins. I love it so much (Obviously) and you'll see why if you read it. Descriptions: A+, dialogue A+ character work A ++++.

In Places No One Will Find by starsniper explores the grief of losing Jessamy from Lucienne's POV and Gault is the Best as per usual. This broke my heart in all the best ways, it needs SO much more love.

Obliterate All Prior Things by The_KickIt_Domain is. It is one of the most beautifully written fics I've ever SEEN. Everything about the way Lucienne and Gault are written and the sense of history between them is 10/10. The yearning and the tenderness is off the charts. Definitely a favorite

Daydreams by james is a sensual and beautifully written snippet of domestic Gaulcienne and I adore it.

Beautiful by melime tender fluff with lush description.

"This is my wife..." by @honeyteacakes is just. Short but so so sweet and feels like a look into Matthew and Lucienne's bond as well as hers and Gault's relationship. They also have a bit of fun at his expense lol

dreaming weather by Anonymous way too short but HOT and poetic smut.

Sea Changes by Cafephile FLAWLESS addition to monsterfuckertober. Gault brings back an old nightmare form with tentacles for fun and a good time is had by all:) hot and lovely.

Calliene (Calliope and Lucienne)

@two-hands-toward-the-sun is literally carrying this ship tag on their shoulders and all of their Calienne fics are good but here's some highlights:

I carried this for years plus it's sequel, I can feel the sun whenever you're near are just. *chefs kiss* absolutely great exploration of them trying to deal with their trauma and sometimes competing needs together.

you love each other until the city becomes beautiful , heart of my heart, come my way and stay my honey are all pure quality fluff. Shoot this serotonin straight into my veins.

Corinthienne (Cori × Lucienne)

I haven't read much fic for this pairing so its gonna be short lol, but I couldn't pass these by

Insatiable by honeyteacakes is incredibly tragically steamy and beautifully written.

Quiet in the Library by starkraving is just. MWAH. Very smutty and full of Feelings, it packs such a good punch I can't oversell it.

Just Between Us by onyourleft084 Lucienne tries to domme the Corinthian into behaving and staying in line and it works...for awhile. Honestly I don't feel like I'm selling it right though, just by that simple description. You will feel things about this and them by the end, I promise. At least I did.

[rj-anderson]

Hello! I wanted to ask you about what you think the school teacher's point in general is, especially after the last episode. His presence in the drama is generally silent or shaped by the characters around him (like students, other teachers and instructors). Although he speaks his mind here and there, I don't think I understood his intentions fully and I would like to hear your thoughts.

This is a great question and I had quite a few thoughts about it after Ep 9, but I wanted to watch Ep 10 first to make sure I didn't run into something that would totally contradict it. Now I've just finished Ep 10, it seems much more likely that Mr. Pyo will become a rival and professional threat to our heroine Hye Jin (as he warned her in Ep 1, even if neither of them knew at that point how their battle would play out), so his point as a character in the story seems clearer.

I would have said, up to his turning point in Ep 9, that Mr. Pyo represents the old-school mentality toward teaching, where it's all about the teacher imparting his or her knowledge and understanding of a subject to their students. The student is then supposed to show they have learned well by answering the exam questions in a way that echoes what the teacher communicated to them. Basically it's a case of a teacher making little disciples, and when those disciples go on to succeed in their education and careers, the teacher gets to share in that glory because he molded them in his or her image, so to speak.

I think this was the mentality that Mr. Pyo has been teaching with, and that's why he was so personally offended by Hye Jin challenging him on the exam question and insisting there could be another valid answer besides the one that he personally deemed correct. Not only was she a mere Hagwon instructor challenging a Real Teacher, but she was arguing that his students' personal interpretation of a text was just as valid as his -- undermining his authority and importance in the classroom.

Most of the other points I wanted to make ended up being expressed brilliantly on this r/KDRAMA thread by u/myman580, so I'll quote them instead:

It wasn't just about him feeling patronized by her coming to his school and calling him out in front of his colleagues. It's about afterwards hitting an identity crisis about his role as an educator. The straw that breaks the camels back is him talking to his junior teachers in episode 9 on why they are so obsessed with looking for reasons to take away points. He realizes that the people around him aren't looking to actually teach the students they just want to get the parents off their backs and punishing kids a lower grade just for the sake a lower grade even when they earned a higher one didn't sit right with him. That chasm is further cracked open with his junior teacher says he should become an administrator instead if he wants to "reform" the educational system implying that a good teacher is a good soldier and he should just follow what's convenient even if it hurts the kids in his class. He realizes he doesn't even have control of his own classroom anymore. That the Hagwon culture and the lack of actual teaching problem solving he criticized the FL earlier for is also lacking in the system he was so intimate with. I'm guessing he wants a little payback against the thing that has him questioning his passion for teaching but also he's curious what the other side is like as well. Because the side he was on has been corrupted in his view and so what's the difference? This way he may be able to gain back control of his classroom (You see him slowly getting ostracized by his colleagues at school and he mentions in his meeting with the FL that his colleagues see him as a time bomb) and have the freedom to again teach the way he sees as "pure". And he was right on the money about one of the unintended consequences of the FL barging into his office to confront him about his test answer. Her motivations aren't as insidious at he makes them out to be but they ring true (Which is why she takes it so hard in episode 10). His worldview has been broken and he's trying out something new in order to get it back.

I pretty much agree with all the above. There is an element of arrogance and pride in Mr. Pyo's attitude to teaching, as I said in my inital comments, but there is also a genuine belief that teaching is a noble and selfless profession and that good teachers should act for the good of the students. I think that he saw a flash of that in Hye Jin's passion for making sure her (his!) student got the mark she deserved for giving an intelligent and well-reasoned answer, even if it wasn't the answer he, the teacher, had decided was correct. And when he heard his colleagues talking so callously about failing the students, he realized that maybe he had been blinding himself to the failures in his own profession and really had no right to look down on the hagwon teachers at all.

Where we go from here, though, is hard to guess. Nothing in this drama is predictable because the characters are all so human -- their motives and actions are a tangle of good and bad impulses, which means they could choose to do all sorts of things and still ring true to their characters as established. I could see Mr. Pyo going all out to prove himself the better teacher and steal Hye Jin's students out from under her, seemingly gaining all the glory he wanted -- or I could see him faltering and falling apart when he realizes how cutthroat and mercenary the hagwon system can be, making Hye Jin feel even more guilty for being the catalyst of that self-destructive decision and ruining his career as a "real" teacher.

Or a third, secret thing we don't yet know about, who knows?

[drac2014]

perc 10-30-60 recipe

making oxycodone: you will need to get opium poppy seeds and make PST(poppy seed tea) to extract the alkaloids which will give you pure but very weak codeine then get your actual opium poppy and dump it in 90-98% alcohol mixed with the PST you just made (add about 4-8 drops of pst to 500ml of alcohol) once you dump it in leave it in for 5 hours this will make the codeine stronger and also release morphine, hydrocodone and a little bit of heroin stir the mixture with a spoon for 10 minutes then boil out the alcohol after boiling out the alcohol it will leave you with liquid oxycodone now you need to mix it up with bleach and watch all of that turn into powder now u need to get tylenol (paracetamol) and a pill presser

perc 10: 10mg oxy 100mg para then press it down

perc 30: 30mg oxy 50mg para

perc 60: 60mg oxy 250 mg para

[docmccoy]

Pure Heroine turned 10 years old 3 days ago and I have been thinking about the retrospective ever since

[godspeeeeeeeed]

Pure Heroine turns 10 — Lorde (highlights)

[pop2raves]

PH turned 10 today, and Ella showed us some 2011-2013 archives from that time in her new email celebrating Pure Heroine's anniversary and legacy.

[lottiecrabie]

As a recent lottiecrabie enthusiast and longtime feral consumer of a certain M Healy related writings, I saw something about a tutor!au. Here are my dreadful, frankly illegal thoughts. Do whatever you will with them, Lady Lottie. Your works kill me in the sweetest, sexiest way and resuscitate me harshly back to life.

1. You're a maths student , year two in the university. He's the newly joined English TA that's been developing a bit of a reputation for his longwinded rants in class and his unconventional assignments.

2. Like what the fuck is "Write about being an influencer in a dystopian world where you have to sell a graffiti eraser for VR devices after artists are actively vandalising the metaverse"

3. Anyway, hallway whispers about how attractive he is find their way to you but you're wholly unconvinced because pfft, really now, this is a cliche. One drunken evening at the local bar and you're jostling shoulders, he's ordering a long island iced tea just because and eyeing your whiskey on the rocks. He's really as pretentious as you thought he was - a dark mop of curly hair, crisp linen shirt and this dense, buttery jacket scented with menthol, marijuana and bergamot. He has a delicious rasp, holding court with his little circle of friends about how fullstops have come to mean something completely different when people text each other in the present day. There's not much you think of it - except one night after you break things off for good with your boyfriend who asks if you've come five minutes. into sex.

4. That night, you find yourself wondering if his neatly filed nails would leave red crescent commas on your skin, if your moans would be the em dashes between his consecutive thrusts. You imagine him seeing you at work, chalkboards filled with a haze of numbers and letters, you're arguing about why pure math PhDs and English PhDs are really two sides of the same coin, languages to explore the textures of the world.

5. You realise you're irrevocably fucked.

The annual debate between your college and the rival one is announced and you want to take part, as you always do, except this time it's a whole series of complex themes that require you to be assisted by someone else. Guess who you're assigned as your mentor.

6. You can't think straight, but you want to impress him so much. He's pretty much unfazed - logically unfolding his stances like an origami blossom. His mind entices and frustrates you : how can you possibly read Shakespeare today and a bunch of e-girl tweets the next and use both of these in your speeches?! Good lord. The longer you resist the urges, the worse they become. He dances in circles around you. Sleepless nights. Scattered sheets and unfinished drafts. Smoke breaks across the campus. Joints rolled with thin paper you bum from the art department, you sit blowing plumes at each other one orange afternoon. He reveals himself in delicate slices - a flash of a tattoo on his taut abdomen, soft voiced calls to his mother, Heroin by Velvet Underground playing from his tinny earphones.

7. He's dissatisfied - there's some verve and rawness that's missing from your stage presence. you're not emoting enough. He jokingly wonders what the cause might be - the lack of sleep, or the lack of sleeping together? Wait, you haven't had sex in months? There it is.

8. He says that sex sells. In order to convince the audience, you need to have seduce them with your mind.

Prove it, you say.

9. He finds May I Feel by e.e cummings and decides to walk around you as you take turns to recite it. By the fifth line, you've had enough. His knees are behind to yours, his skin branding into your stockings. He places his fucking mouth close, so close to your ear - warm enough to entice you with the possibility of a kiss, but instead he takes it away just as swiftly.

10. "let's go said he

not too far said she

what's too far said he

where you are said she" (side note - I recommend listening to the Tom Hiddleston version of the poem!)

You laugh, because it's so bitterly on the nose. He wonders aloud if he's really too far - too far away from you, that is.

His first kiss is like a wine tasting. He sips and nibbles your lips, sweetly parting it with his inquiring tongue. His fingers snake across your body, a low laugh caught in his throat when his hands brush your guilty nipples. Dilated pupils, and filthy promises. His kisses are poisonous, intoxicating.

11. Rutting mindlessly over his desk. Panting, whining in back seat of your car. Wet kisses in a darkened theatre. Hand jobs in the library, leaving the both of you a shivering mess. He is relentless, rendering you feverish for more. He refuses to have sex until he's satisfied his desire to explore you enough.

12. You try to take matters into your own hands and dress in a tiny skirt, with the smallest scrap of lace covering your soaking cunt. You end up over his lap, his handprints still warm on your back.

13. He worships you. He spits in your mouth. He ties your hands to the bedframe. He calls you sweetheart, baby, my darling. He doesn't stop edging you. He makes you read poems and eats you out, with the threat of stopping if you stutter even a little. He makes you think, he makes you dream, he makes you laugh.

14. You don't care about the debate anymore.

oh my god this was so lovely!! love when u guys leave me blurbs like this to read i feel like I’m the one getting bedtime stories for change. you have such a vivid and imagery way of writing it’s so beautiful. the prose is so delicate and effective; i can so clearly Feel and See the moment. i especially love ‘his first kiss is like a wine tasting’ and ‘you sit blowing plumes at each other one orange afternoon’. get on tumblr mama start writing there’ll be a spot opening up soon✊

although this is a lot more professor!matty than tutor!au🕺 (the tutor!au staples are weird loser virgin nerd with cool popular bitchy experienced girl) you actually kinda knocked it out of the park for professor like yeah that guy is making her read poetry while eating her out. yes ofc they’re making out on his desk. well yeah he’s debating you and only getting you more worked up for him

[slaygentford]

if I really stop and process that pure heroine is turning 10 years old today I WILL have a mental breakdown.

[velvet-vox]

My top 30 favourite female villains of all time (30-21)

"It was never about the money.

It was about

" * * " " * * "

The Lion".

-Captain Chantel DuBois, Madagascar 3 (2012).

If there is one thing that I love more than villains, is Villainesses.

You know, the gaslight gatekeep girlbosses.

A while ago I made a top 10 where I ranked all of my personal favourite male villains ever, and I promised myself that eventually I would also make one exclusive to the female antagonists, not because I don't have any favourite villainesses, far from it: my number 1 spot for this list is in my top 3 all time favourite bad guys, together with the top antagonists of my previous list; simply put, I wanted to make these rankings as varied as possible, since I know that people will be able to read them and be surprised only once, so that first time had to matter and be special.

Speaking of which... I'm actually not all that happy with how that first ranking turned out. I had way less experience at that point, and from the way I had written some of the entries, it looked like I was just simply gushing about the characters nonsensically without actually providing any understandable reasons as to why one entry was above or below the others or why I liked one character more than another one.

This time though, not only am I more organised, but I am also increasing the amount of writing I have to do, by ranking not just 10, but 30 of my favourite female villains of all time.

The reason why I increased the number of entries is due to the fact that I really wanted to rant extensively about some characters, but I could not include into the top 10 because those spots were already taken, nor did I want to relegate them to simple honourable mentions, so instead, I just prolonged the amount of work I had to do and turned it into a top 30.

In this first part, I'll go through my favourites from number 30 to number 11, and at the end of this read there'll be a link to the second part, while here's instead the link to the male villains ranking, if you want to check it out.

The bad guys

By the way, "villains" is a generalisation, as the word "antagonists" doesn't make for a captivating title; I can totally put anti villainesses, anti heroines or more general antagonists in this list; I'm actually more excited to talk about this then I was with the bad guys, because, due to my bizarre personal taste, and the lack of truly popular and noticeable female antagonists that aren't from old school Disney, this ranking will be so much more unpredictable and weird than the previous one.

Even if this list is entirely subjective, the main criteria that I'll use to explain why I put a certain character above another is how much that baddie stimulates my autism; like, there'll be so many instances of a villainess clearly deserving to be put above another one purely out of execution alone, but because I don't fawn over her in the same way I fawn over the other, they remain in their place.

Also, for villains/enemies turned good (there are a few redeemed antagonists in here), I'll be judging them on a number of things, like how good of a character/threat they were when they were evil, how good of a character they remained once they turned to the protagonist's side, how smooth the transition went and how it was executed, and all of these things combined.

Finally I'd like to remind all of you that I haven't seen every single piece of fiction ever made, so if you don't see some popular or noteworthy entries in this list, such as Shego (Kim Possible), Makima (Chainsaw Man), Junko Enoshima (Danganronpa), Julia Salisbury (Not For Broadcast), Lord Dominator (Wander Over Yonder), Catra (She-Ra), Regina George (Mean Girls), Homura Akemi (Puella Magi Madoka Magica, ), Croix Meridies (Little Witch Academia), it's likely because I've never consumed the stories where they came from;

Otherwise, I probably don't really care about them.

But first, some honourable mentions:

Xana (Code Lyoko): Ok, so, Xana is a non-binary character. I actually always considered them to be a feminine AI because... seemed cooler, and also tied with Aelita's childhood trauma of her missing mother manifesting in AI form.

I doubt that I'm ever going to make a non-binary villain list, so I'm giving Xana the recognition that they deserve here, since I think that, for the stuff that they pull out, are both an amazing and insane villain at the same time, maybe my favourite rogue AI antagonist of all time.

Zira (The Lion King 2): The Lion King 2 is not a particularly great movie and it's by far the worst entry of the trilogy, and yet, just like the first movie, it also has one of the most ruthless villains to ever come out of the studio's animated movie franchises.

What Zira lacks in intelligence compared to Scar, she makes up for in sheer ferocity and bloodthirst alone.

Everything that you need to know about Zira can be best summarised in her own villain song, which I'm going to put the link here, along with a Metal and a Orchestral version of it, out of respect for her.

My Lullaby (original)

My Lullaby (metal) (Jonathan Young)

My Lullaby (orchestral) (RafScrap)

Queen Chrysalis (My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic): Queen Chrysalis shares the same problem that I had with Bill Cypher in the previous list, that being that I haven't watched MLP:fim in so long that I might as well have never seen it, though I do remember Chrysalis being my favourite female villain of that show, Nightmare Moon is a close second but had less screen time, Cozy Glow irks me in a lot of ways, and I don't want to talk about the other female baddies because this honourable mention isn't about them.

That wedding. Those episodes. This Day Aria. You know what I'm talking about. Great story arc, great villain.

Cyn (Murder Drones): I've come a really long way around Cyn. At first, I straight up hated her, but after the release of episode 7, I started to warm up to her, and she became a character I really enjoyed in episode 8.

That said, she's still not one of my favourites. She kinda grosses me out and not in a fun way like Mohg and the Loathsome Dung Eater do, and I'm not as creeped out by her as, say, Alice from that same show. However, Cyn is definitely a very unique character, especially in the context of the modern mainstream landscape, and she Absolutely deserves all the praise that she gets.

I consider her to be Murder Drone's Beetlejuice, where she's not the main character of the show, but the series technically revolves around her. I think this title suits her right.

Praxina (Lolirock): If I secretly possessed something, like a neglected personality type whose entire existence I've completely forgotten about, that secret personality type would definitely be Lolirock.

I really loved this show, and I can't wait for that fated and long awaited season 3, and of course, the twins were the best part of the whole thing.

Their dynamic literally carried the series, and while I don't really have a favourite between the two, I must say, Praxina was really fun, and I can't wait to see how her arc plays out in the future.

Maybe I'll talk more about her at a later time.

Jinx (Arcane): Listen I really love Arcane and I really like Jinx, my problem with her is... Well, this Arcane! There are dozens upon dozens of other amazing characters in this show, so while I think Jinx is an amazing female character definitely worthy of her own hype, I'm not as enamored by her as some of the other members of the cast.

Also, while (again) I really like Jinx as a character... I don't particularly like her as an antagonist. This might change depending on how the upcoming season 2 is going to play out, but the thing is that most of the candidates in these lists are entries that I enjoy both as characters and as antagonists, but Jinx is someone that I love as a character but don't particularly enjoy as an opponent.

This isn't to say that I hate her or that I think she's not a good antagonist, I'm just not as enamored by her as some other people are.

Poison Ivy (DC): Out of all the female rogues in Batman's gallery, Poison Ivy is the one that I like the most... Which isn't saying a lot.

Now, don't get me wrong, Batman has a lot of pretty good female antagonists, like Baby Doll, some versions of Harley Quinn, Talia Al Ghul and Catwoman (if you even wanna count them), and I guess Lady Shiva, Magpie, Sugar and Red Claw are there too.

My problem is... that I don't particularly care about any of them.

I won't get into the problems that I have with each individual character, or why I don't personally like them as much as some of their male contemporaries, it's just a matter of personal preference

Punchline had great potential to become my personal favourite, but as of right now, I think she's more miss than hit unfortunately.

Which leads into my default pick of the bunch: Poison Ivy, a character that, at least in my opinion, deserves as much love and respect as the rest of the Gotham Sirens. I love my redhead psychotic plant freak.

One thing I really want to say about her... her design kinda slayed in that iteration where she had pink hairs and was minute, hello!?! More tiny a## gremlin Poison Ivy, please?

And now, with that out of the way, let's finally start with the ranking of my personal favourite female antagonists of all time.

Major spoilers down below:

Number 30: Evelyn Deavor (The Incredibles 2)

Starting off with a banger,

The Incredibles 2, in many ways, is not only a downgrade to the original movie, but a downgrade to the Pixar mark as a whole, in fact, many could argue that this movie bookmarked the start of Pixar's noticeable decline in quality and boldness.

Unfortunately, these same flaws carry over to the main "twist" villain of the motion picture, Evelyn Deavor, who, despite having a cool introduction and design as the Screenslaver (who I count as an extension of her character), has, in many ways, not only failed to live up to the audience's hype, but also the expectations of a well written antagonist in general.

Many videos have already been made on why she doesn't work as an antagonist, let alone a character, in fact, many of you who already saw the movie would even question what is she doing in a list like this, at number 30 no less, when some of those honourable mentions look far more worthy of this spot.

And the answer to that is simple:

She isn't.

At least not this iteration of her.

Roll in:

Number 30: Evelyn Deavor (LEGO The Incredibles)

In my modest opinion, LEGO The Incredibles is the definitive way to consume The Incredibles franchise in its entirety.

The videogame does an amazing job recreating the stories of both movies in a playable format, and outside of a handful of cutscenes during the first movie section of the game, that I hoped the developers would have kept the emotional impact of the original motion picture, I genuinely believe perfects the experience of not only the second, but also the first movie, making it a must play for fans of the franchise.

The improvements that this game makes to the story of The Incredibles 2 also carry over to Evelyn, in a lot of different ways:

1: Thanks to the game's more comedic tone, Evelyn's personality, twist, and plans become much more enjoyable, because now, we are no longer supposed to take her 100% seriously and we can just enjoy her jokes and how bats##t insane she is (she brainwashes all of the Supers using a device powered by a bicycle and simultaneously calls Bob to tell him that her wife is in danger, all the while running on said bicycle and pressing the honk).

2: Removes the subzero interrogation sequence from the movie and minimizes her backstory and motivations to a quick, one line mention. This may seem like a detriment on paper, but in practice, it unironically improves Evelyn's character and takes out many of her issues, because now, the focus is no longer her sympathetic backstory and motivations, instead, the focus now is how psychotic and crazy she is; the game focuses on the parts of her that worked in the source material and leaves out the parts that didn't, heck, Winston doesn't mention his backstory and motivations for helping the Supers at the beginning of the game, so for all we know, the death of their parents is an Evelyn exclusive problem, and she's just messed up like that.

3: Reduces the amount of scenes that she's in. Again, this may look like a detriment, but it actually works to create a sense of intrigue behind her actions: since she has fewer scenes, there's no risk that she overstays her welcome, and it leaves you wondering what her whole deal was when all is set and done.

This game was my first time experiencing the story of The Incredibles 2, and when playing it, I genuinely thought that Evelyn was a cool, interesting antagonist, and I was left wondering if she was even better in the actual source material (nope).

It's thanks to this game that I became an Evelyn fan, let alone an Evelyn enjoyer; yet with all of that said

she

still

Sucks.

Sure, the game patched out some of the most confusing parts of her original characterisation, but it's not like it reinvented the wheel or "salvaged" the character, it only made her more enjoyable to the players and watchers.

So why then?

Why go on an entire rant for this niche triple A game if it wasn't to reveal the first villain entry?

Well, you see, LEGO writers might have not reinvented the wheel with their adaptation of Evelyn, but as a bonus, they straight up created a new female villain to compensate for how lacking the main antagonist of The Incredibles 2 was.

An icy round of applause for...

Number 30: Brainfreezer (LEGO The Incredibles)

Meet Shelly Sundae, twin sister of Sally Sundae (both of them have cooler names in the Italian translation), ex-owner of the Ice Cream Parlor, and now renowned super villain known as Brainfreezer (which is not a ripoff of the Johnny Test character, as her wiki page likes to precise).

When it comes to the side content present inside of this game, the crime waves definitely stand out as one of the most unique additions to the LEGO formula in a while.

In order to get the player excited to play these side missions, the developers thought well to make them go through one of these crime waves right after the tutorial level.

But the true spark of genius came by putting the first part of the Brainfreezer side quest as the initial overworld mission, since they have by far the strongest hook out of all of these quests, and it's not even close.

Not only do both missions have the best atmosphere and screen filter out of all these waves, but they also do an amazing job at surprising the player and getting them invested.

The first one literally comes out of nowhere and shocks the player with the amount of new information they are getting, especially since the culprit behind it is an OC created for the game, blowing away movie fans who didn't expect them to be inside this game.

The second one is also pretty good, though nowhere near as special as the first, however it has the added bonus of culminating with the Brainfreezer boss fight, who, despite not being as good or mechanically interesting as some of the other battles in the game, I still really like it for a different reason:

Nostalgia.

The atmosphere, setup, and appearance of Brainfreezer and her boss chamber all heavily remind me of the Mister Freeze boss fight and level in LEGO Batman: The Videogame, my introduction to the Batman universe, and an undying childhood classic of mine.

The level in question is also one of the most unique levels from that game, even if it wasn't quite my favourite, so it's really difficult for me to not point out the similarities between that mission and the Brainfreezer ordeal when they both have the same, similar unique look to them.

What I like the most about Brainfreezer is her potential, not just the level of freedom inherent to a character who is given little to no explanation for her actions, but also the interesting bits of information that the game provides to us.

Shelly's sister, Sally, is a character who the player becomes invested in throughout the side quest, so when you learn the true identity of Brainfreezer (in case you hadn't figured it out already), you feel bad for the poor Sally, as her missing sister not only turned out to have become a horrendous ice cream monstrosity, but she now also is a dangerous supervillain who plans to mind control the entire city.

Plus, Shelly even starts to melt at the end of her boss fight! That's subtly horrifying if you reflect about the implications.

Brainfreezer, to me, is a character that's just really fun to think about, she's very "cool" and has a pretty design and storyline, and with this unexpected starting entry out of the way, it's time to move forward to the next unlikely candidate for this (entirely subjective) list.

Number 29: Malenia, Blade of Miquella (Elden Ring):

Despite enjoying both Lady Maria of the Astral Clocktower and Sister Frida more as bosses and liking Lady Maria more as a character, as an antagonist, Malenia is my favourite female "villain" in all of the Soulsborne genre.

I don't know why, but I truly click with her so much as an antagonist, even when truthfully she, like a lot of From Software's characters, tends to lean more in a morally grey area, not truly evil but not exactly good.

Malenia is an optional boss in Elden Ring, the smash hit GOTY of 2022, she's a demigod, daughter of the game's final Boss, and sister of Miquella, an important character in the Shadow of the Erdtree DLC.

I think that has to do with the myth surrounding her Boss fight; while it may not objectively be the best Boss fight of all time, the crazy amount of stories and legends that it spawned within the community do more than enough for me to consider her someone worth praising as one of gaming's greatest opponents.

I also just like how weird she is, she is the female boss with the most overtly sexualised design in the entire series, despite also being one of the humanoid women with the least amount of feminine traits in all of the Souls games.

In particular, I enjoy her disability and her sickness as an important part of her character, it makes her extremely cool to a lot of people who are also struggling with similar difficulties in real life, and I appreciate her for that.

I could go on and talk about the lore (which I've seen, don't worry) but honestly, I'm pretty confident in leaving this entry as vague as it is, to keep it in line with the game's way of storytelling.

In conclusion: go play Elden Ring.

It may take you more than a year if you actually plan to just beat it, but it'll be a truly special experience.

Number 28: Jaina Hudson/White Rabbit (DC)

Jaina Hudson has been flip-flopping in and out of my mind for a long time now, but you know what? Screw me, I love missed potential so much.

Ideally, I would prefer if the villains/characters who had their potential wasted were always well-written to begin with, but since we don't live in perfect world, I guess the second best alternative is to get the consumer interested into the character, so that at least someone else could give them the love and attention that they deserved.

And while some ideas were always made without the intention of making the consumer interested in them, this doesn't stop them from gaining a fanbase, even if it's a rather small one.

I'm talking about me, by the way, with the character of White Rabbit/Jaina Hudson, one of the newest members of Batman's rogue's gallery, and currently(?) the newest member of the Gotham Sirens, a female group of non-heroes containing Poison Ivy, Harley Quinn and Catwoman.

Jaina Hudson is the daughter of Tom Hudson, a U.S. diplomat, and an Indian Bollywood actress. She first appeared in Batman: The Dark Knight #1 (2011) and she's a high socialite in Gotham who hides a mysterious secret: she has the ability to create an imperfect clone of herself who she uses to commit her crimes.

I've always been fascinated by Jaina/White Rabbit, particularly in her original run (yes, I know about the controversies, I will get into them later), but I think the reasons as to why that is aren't all that clear even to me, even if the most likely idea is that I really like how much of a blank slate she is.

I personally believe it's because she has so many different characteristics and traits that when put together, create a bizarre, yet very unique package of villainy;

Mysterious setup, motivations and backstory?

Check.

Evil woman of colour who's into politics?

Check.

Weird and unique gimmick that I vibe with?

Check, check.

This all seems very cool, but if that's the case, why is she considered a forgettable/forgotten villain by some Batman fans?

The answer to that is simple.

Her story arc was never finished.

I'm not kidding: White Rabbit never did anything wrong, she got the title of a bad character/villain not because her writing sucked, but because her original arc was cancelled just as it was about to start.

I hope one day she gets The Spot treatment, and I don't just mean copy and paste Spot's arc from ATSV, I more so intend a redemption story in the public's eye, because I really can't give any good reasons as to why she deserves a place in this list, nor can I encourage you to read her debut comic run or the new Gotham Sirens run because you still wouldn't understand the things that make this character click so much with me.

I'm the only person that I know who sees her true potential, but until said potential gets brought out, I want to put down my foot and proclaim myself as an original fan of White Rabbit/Jaina Hudson, one that was there from the very beginning and always saw a spark in her.

And now it's time to talk about the controversies. Skip to number 28 if you aren't a Comic book Batman fan.

Death of the Author is a good thing that exists for a reason, and that reason is to differentiate the art from the artist.

Was White Rabbit conceived as a fetish fantasy by his writer? There's a 99.9% possibility of it being a yes.

Was her original arc going to end up in a disappointing mess? Judging by the general quality of the modern comic book industry, yes, there's a high probability of that being the case.

Is the whole skin swap ability of the clone a blatant excuse to lust over a race swapped version of the character, making Jaina a racist character from the get-go due to concept alone? If the main intentions behind the character were these, then yes, Jaina Hudson/White Rabbit is conceptually racist.

But even with all these controversies in mind, I still can't dislike Jaina as a character, nor do I hate the way her cloning powers work.

*I actually was going to describe how I thought her race swap gimmick could have worked on a practical, psychological, and thematic level in this section, but I ultimately scrapped it because it was out of context with the rest of the list. If you still wanna hear my thoughts on her, ask me in the comments, and I'll make a separate analysis post for her eventually*

I also have my own fair share of unpopular opinions regarding White Rabbit (for example, I disagree with the idea that she should be related to the Mad Hatter in some way, and I despise the idea of turning her into his hench woman or her Harley Quinn, I believe Jaina has much more potential as a "solo" villain, especially with her powers, status, money, and cunning) but it's better to not dwell any longer on this spot and move on.

Number 27: Scarlet Overkill (Minions)

Scarlet Overkill is the one and only reason to ever watch the Minions movie. Greatest female supervillain of her time, Scarlet has everything a woman of her status could ever want, except for one thing: the crown of Queen Elizabeth, who she has always dreamed of having ever since she was a child.

She is a delightful character from start to finish, a pure evil villain with a lot of interesting dialogue and a surprising amount of tender moments, making her someone who never runs into the troubles that some of the antagonists of her type run into, aka becoming stale and uninteresting.

Her design is also very cool, as it manages to strike this weird, perfect balance between being very feminine but also stereotypically evil.

Balance is definitly the right word for Scarlet, since, despite being completely evil throughout the entire movie, she's not an active antagonist for a whole lot of it. Her status as the ultimate goal and ultimate threat constantly changes during the Minion's runtime, making her a surprisingly dynamic antagonist.

Her duality is best represented in her relationship with his husband Herb, one of the most healthy and supportive villainous power couples in all of mainstream media.

There's also much to be said about how she obsesses over Bob's teddy bear: a lot of the time, she acts like a child who never grew up, which is very interesting when compared to Gru's arc in the other movies, and it makes me wish that she and Gru would have battled against each other eventually, especially since she's technically the very first villain that Gru captured for the A.V.L.

Funny, psychotic, menacing and clever, she has a great screen presence, and is, in my humble opinion, not only the best villain in the whole Despicable Me franchise, but also the greatest antagonist in the entirety of Illumination, as little as that may mean to you.

However, there's something else that I wanted to talk about with her.

You see, originally, I had Scarlet placed higher, and the next entry placed lower.

However, upon rewatching both movies, I was surprised to find out that I actually like the next baddie a little bit more than Scarlet, which is something I was not expecting.

I think the main reason as to why I enjoy the next character more than Scarlet has to do with the fact that although both villains carry their respective movies very hard, the next character does a lot more to ensure that her own respective story gets rated in the good movie category, which isn't something that I unfortunately can't say about Scarlet and the Minions.

Scarlet is still a great antagonist overall, and she definitly has my vote for the next elections (after all, the queen title is only decorative, she doesn't actually get much political power from it).

Number 26: Agatha Trunchbull (Matilda)

(Imagine taken from clown energy compilation video, please, check it out on the above link, it's actually hilarious)

Agatha Trunchbull is just perfect.

The movie literally wouldn't work without her.

I could try to detail exactly what about her I enjoy so much, but the simple reality is that I really like the Trunchbull because of how funny she is, both when she's punishing others, and when she's being punished and ridiculed.

She's a bonified, 100% pure evil villain done right, one that, thankfully doesn't die at the end of the movie, because personally, that's always something that makes me slightly sympathize with these types of villains, since, due to the type of person that I am in real life, I view killing and death as inherently evil things, both when they are done by the good guys and by the bad guys.

Plus, I believe the ending that Agatha gets (at least in the movie) is much more satisfying, and since she doesn't even go to prison by the end of the whole thing, you are left with a very valid reason to keep hating on her long after she left the screen, even if running and hiding away forever is a very satisfying defeat for a character of her archetype.

Now, I read the original book from Roal Dahl a long time ago, and didn't want to reread it all over again for this list, so instead, I just took into consideration only the movie version of Agatha Trunchbull, movie that, at the time of writing this, I just finished watching on TV (sorry Dahl), and I have to say, Matilda is such a charming and timeless movie, one that I never mind watching every time it pops up on TV.

It's a very simple, hilarious, power fantasy for children (unless I'm missing some deeper meaning, sorry Matilda fans), and one with a lot of heart for that matter.

When I sat down for a rewatch, I expected to still like the movie after all this time, but what I did not expect was for the Trunchbull to be as solid as I remembered her to be.

I had written all of the entries in advance, and while the Trunchbull was always around this position, I expected her exact placement to diminish when I would have eventually watched the movie again for this occasion.

But no, if anything she ranked up due to how good her writing was even this time around.

She's funny, she's threatening, she has a great design, good music, amazing scenes, hard carries the rest of the movie after the ending of the first third and she's a great opponent for Matilda to defeat.

However, I don't really have a lot to analyse with her, it's not that there isn't much more to her besides how comedic and threatening she is, I particularly like to reflect on the fact that she wears pigtails when we see her in the flashback but doesn't have them anymore during the time in which the rest of the movie takes place, and how she specifically targets a little girl who still wears them, and ridicules her for it.

Other interesting things are her relationship with Magnus, her sporting career, her fear of the supernatural... And actually a lot more stuff now that I think about it.

It's just that I don't want to focus much of my attention on her.

She's a jewelry relic of a different time, a simpler one, and one that doesn't need to be picked apart and deconstructed for my own, sadistic pleasure.

Just a little pearl of a character who can be enjoyed for what she has to offer to the overall narrative of the movie, one who eats up every single second of screen time with grace and the thing that truly elevates this movie from a nice, occasional watch, to a timeless classic.

(There were a lot of different frames that I chose for Goldie, but I thought this one was just right)

Number 25: Goldilocks (Puss in Boots The Last Wish):

Previously, I've put Death and Big Jack Horner in the honourable mentions of the last top 10, therefore, it only made sense that Goldilocks would have a spot inside this top 30 to compensate for the great treachery that I've committed.

In all seriousness, out of all the antagonists inside Puss In Boots The Last Wish, Goldilocks was the one character that I was hyper fixated on once I left the theatre for the first time.

Unlike some of my other obsessions, this one didn't last for long, but regardless, she and her family still managed to carve a place in my heart, where they'd hopefully remain for a long time still.

Goldilocks and her crime family of bears are an interpretation of their homonymous fairy tale, "Goldilocks and the three Bears". They are one of the many antagonists present in Puss In Boots: The Last Wish, and they have a found family storyline that's meant to parallel the journey that our protagonists take in order to become a team.

Goldilocks is the character at the centre of this storyline, as she's the one who really wants to take the wishing star (the movie's main macguffin) in order to get what she really wants: a real family.

Even if Goldilocks isn't as threatening of an antagonist as the movie's other two main villains, she still manages to steal the spotlight in her own right, by having a very touching and incredibly heartfelt story arc.

She's a sympathetic antagonist done right, she has just enough screen time to not overstay her welcome, but more than enough to make the eventual conclusion of her arc satisfying and impactful.

My take on The Last Wish villains though is that they work better as a package, rather than as a single unit; Goldilocks, despite how good she is, wouldn't have the same impact that she does without Jack and the Wolf carrying the parts of the movie that she and her family can't carry by themselves, and that's okay;

As for analyses, I encourage you to check out StoryStreet Puss In Boots video, as they do a way better job at analysing Goldie in further depth than I ever could.

As for me, I'll just say that Goldilocks is just right (very good), I like her design, her arc flows seamlessly, and her story is just very cozy and heartwarming.

This movie's character balance is truly immaculate; you have a terrifying force of nature/rival/personal foil as your protagonist greatest opponent, an amazing and hilarious pure evil villain who brilliantly showcases the worst possible outcome that granting every wish can have, and then you have an unexpectedly sympathetic and likable gang of morally grey antagonists who expand upon the themes of found family and leave the story on good terms with the main characters.

All of this, and the movie not only manages to be an enjoyable watch, but a complete and utter masterpiece capable of measuring up to the standards of DreamWork's finest works.

I encourage you all to check out Puss In Boots: The Last Wish if you haven't already; it has gorgeous animation, a rich story with deep themes of mortality, and impressive character work all the way around.

A massive round of applause to my favourite studio for this unforgettable experience; I hope they'll cook some new amazing stories anytime soon.

(One final note, while in the regular dub of the movie the family talks with extremely British accents, in the Italian dub they talk with a heavy Italian dialect from a region named Abruzzo, famous for having bears in its natural parks. Do with this information whatever you want.)

Number 24: Yzma (Emperor's New Groove)

Yzma is a very funny antagonist.

She's the ex-counsellor of Emperor Kuzco, from the Disney movie Emperor's New Groove (2000), and wants revenge on her old boss after he fired her for abusing her power behind his back.

After rewatching the movie recently, I managed to finally pick up on the parallels between the Yzma and Kronk duo and the Kuzco and Pacha squad: both Kuzco and Yzma are straight up villains at the start of the movie, but while Kuzco manages to get better throughout the story thanks to Pacha's help, Yzma supposedly only gets a shot at bettering her ways by the end of it thanks to Kronk, who stopped being an evil doormat and has finally become the Pacha to Yzma's Kuzco.

As far as Disney movies go, Emperor's New Groove is very subversive in a lot of ways, from his tone, to his story, to just how good it is despite his rushed development; it's very impressive how this movie managed to turn out as good as it did considering its prior two years in development hell, and while a modest success didn't save the movie from falling into obscurity, I'm glad it eventually ended up finding a permanent footing in modern meme culture.

Unlike many other villains in this list, Yzma is not my favourite part of the movie, and I don't think she carries the story all that much, but that isn't to say that she's not a needed nor an important part of the story in the slightest.

Quite simply, it's just that Kuzco is that entertaining of a protagonist that I end up overlooking how much Yzma is funny in her own right.

But of course, it isn't all Kuzco's fault.

We need to talk about the big man in the room:

Kronk is the peak of fictional comedic sidekicks for villains, and half of what makes Yzma as great of a character as she is can be attributed to him playing off his part in the comedic duo.

Which is not all that bad, considering I can say the same thing about Kuzco and how much his relationship with Pacha does for his character. It just makes it hilarious to think about how, in the larger picture of internet culture, Yzma is the sidekick to Kronk's popularity.

"Pull the lever, Kronk!" is still a masterpiece, but I also enjoy some of her less talked about jokes, like the one she makes after Kronk wakes her up in the middle of the night, as well as the entirety of the restaurant scene.

(ok, so, side note, apparently the joke exists only in the Italian dub of the movie, in the original English dub, after Yzma gets woken up by Kronk in the middle of the night, she says "This will better be good" as opposed to the Italian dub, where she says "Guarda che ho ucciso per molto meno!" which, in English, is translated as "Look that I have killed for far less", which may not carry the same impact to those who don't understand Italian, but I, native speaker of the language, can confidently say that it's a genuinely funny line due to voice delivery of Anna Marchesini, Italian voice actress of Yzma, and I'm glad that I could hear it in my language.)

The scene in question is this one.

I still would have wished for the movie to make space for Yzma's cut song "Snuff out the light", but at least it wasn't lost to time, and got a pretty good metal cover by Jonathan Young, which featured in my favourite Snatcher AMV.

I also think Yzma's design works perfectly for what the story was going for, and while I'd prefer for her to be a little bit more intimidating, I'm not going to fault her or the movie all that much for it.

Number 23: Spinel (Steven Universe)

At first, I was really unsure if I actually really wanted to have Spinel inside of my list. While I was indeed hyper fixated on her when the movie first came out, she softly dwindled out of my mind over time.

As such, when I decided to check out the movie again for the purposes of this ranking, I expected her to ultimately land in the honourable mentions and to not

Over And Over And Over And Over And Over And Over And Over And Over Over Again And

Golly, so, Spinel is actually both an amazing character and antagonist, but for the sake of originality, I'm actually going to focus less on her individually, and instead focus more on her role as Steven Universe's greatest rival.

Sorry if I end up misinterpreting Steven's character by accident, I'm trying to focus on Spinel, but the main thing I want to talk about is how the two mirror and contrast each other by virtue of simply existing in the same Universe.

Spinel is one of the latest villains in the Steven Universe series who made her first appearance in the movie, where she acted as the main source of conflict for the protagonist.

In the grand scheme of Steven Universe's story, I'm extremely confident in saying that, on a thematic level, Spinel is Steven's ultimate foil, his de facto arch nemesis, who, like many other characters in the show, doesn't limit herself to a stationary role of villain, and is indeed a deeply nuanced individual in many ways.

She, in fact, does NOT exist just for the viewers to sympathise over and to overlook how her sob story is there only to cover up the movie lazily rehearsing the character arcs of the main cast without any deeper reason besides inducing new viewers to watch the original show.

The repetition of the Gems' arc is a very important narrative and thematic element of Spinel, and it serves to build up her role as the antithesis of the show's themes of change and growth, which also happens to be at the center of Steven's entire journey throughout the series.

Thanks to Steven, over a long period of time, all the Crystal Gems managed to grow, overcome their original struggles and become even more mature individuals by the end of the show, while thanks to Spinel, over a matter of seconds, all of the Crystal Gems had their arcs undone and devolved as people, coming back as individuals even less mature than at the start of the show.

Spinel, as a character, represents a dark, twisted version of Steven and his journey throughout the series.

They both looked up to Rose Quartz, in different ways, and they both...(SU fans, fill in the gaps yourselves, I'm not going to spoil this plot point of the show).

They both are, by a combination of nature and nurture, people pleasers/stress toys; Steven wants to help everyone to be happy (overcome their struggles), both because he's kind at heart and because he feels responsible for their wellbeing, while Spinel wants to help everyone to be happy (have fun), both because she's happy-go-lucky at heart and because she's responsible to, due to being a literal sentient doll.

They both want some things to change and others to stay the same (Steven is obvious, Spinel was actually excited when Steven's mom got what she always wanted, indicating that she actually doesn't mind new things and breaking the status quo), but at opposite times and in different ways, which makes it even more hilarious how Spinel is all about undoing and rejecting change when she arrives on Earth, but before, she coped with Rose's abandonment, went through a villain and insanity arc/changed her design (interchangeable), got weapons/formulated a plan (also interchangeable) and travelled to Steven's location to ruin his life all under 15 minutes and after practically staying the same for thousands of years.

Spinel's personality is very similar to Steven's at the start of the show: she's childish and always wants people to spend time with her, just like Steven was a kid and always wanted the Gems to do activities with him, and they both used to view things as games, but while Steven changed and stopped doing so after repeated trauma, Spinel, after her one defying trauma, changed, but never stopped doing so even by the time of the movie's final battle.

They both struggle with picking up social cues, both remind the Diamonds of Pink, both end up spiralling and hating themselves when they can't make other people happy, eccetera eccetera...

I could go on and on for a while, in general, I really love when villains have a lot of parallels with their heroes, it's very fun listing all of the similarities and differences with them and their stories, it makes the conflict deeply personal, which is always a plus in my book.

It also explains why, in the past, a kid I knew wanted them to be siblings: as the child told me, they are so similar, that it would have been awesome for them to grow up together, and for Steven to have someone he can truly vent out his problems to.

Ultimately, what brings Spinel down a little bit for me, is the way her role in the story plays out overall, I don't inherently despise the movie's narrative and what it decides to do, but I think it could have been executed better.

She has a killer design, and even two more killer songs: Other Friends and Drift Away are incredible compositions, all of the songs in the movie are a banger, but these two stand out a lot more for me.

Even if you have zero interest in checking out either Steven Universe or his Movie, here's the link to all of Spinel's songs and respectively my favourite cover for each one, as well as an added extra that deserves far more views than it already has.

Other Friends (original)

Other Friends (Kyle Allen Music)

Drift Away (original)

Drift Away (annapantsu)

Change (Spinel version) (carimelle)

Number 22: Ursula (The Little Mermaid)

The Little Mermaid is a movie that grew up a lot on me over time, as his villain did.

Ursula is the very first villain of the Renaissance era of Disney, and although others after her took the centre spot of the conversation when it comes to who's the best of the bunch, Ursula, still holds her weight (the pun was not intended, please, don't think ill of me) as the one who introduced the standards and customs that most other villains from this era would strive for.

So while you may personally prefer the likes of Scar and Jafar over Ursula, you can't deny that they probably wouldn't have been the same, have villain songs, or probably exist without Ursula and the impact that The Little Mermaid had for the Walt Disney company.

I'll admit though that out of the triad of the studio's most popular female villains (which is in my opinion made out of Maleficent, Cruella De Vil, and Ursula, and I'll stick by my gun for this statement) she's the one with the most consistent track record (excluding the live action Little Mermaid), as Maleficent has never been characterised quite as well as her original appearance in Sleeping Beauty, at least in my opinion, and Cruella De Vil is a wild ride of various levels of quality.

Ursula instead is only noticeably bad in the remake, and I struggle to find many other versions of her who suck as much as the worst renditions of Maleficent and Cruella's characters;

Admittedly, that might just be because I have consumed way less stories where Ursula is the main focus, but from what I saw, she's the best written member of the aforementioned triad in "Once Upon A Time", and I like how she's just this mysterious figure inside Descendants 2 where she never shows up but it's important regardless because of how her existence impacts her daugther.

Even if Ursula is still not one of my favourite villainesses, I appreciate her a lot more these days; she's actually very different from many other female villains to be honest, in that she's basically a per###ted Cthulhu Mob Boss who makes people sign unfair contracts in order to become the queen of the sea, I don't think the unique aspects of her character are appreciated quite as much as her best moments or her role in the story to be honest.

One of my favourite things about Ursula in the movie is her washed up salesman persona: she's literally the Spamton G. Spamton of the ocean, I unironically wanna see Ursula say the Baltimore speech so much.

Her Divine inspired design is also peak, once again, it's extremely different from that of any other female antagonist... heck, it's extremely different from the design of any other villain I ever saw at the time, and it still remains as distinct as it once was to this very day; once again, nobody talks about how unique Ursula actually is.

I still listen to Poor Unfortunate Souls from time to time, even if it's not my favourite villain song, and I enjoy listening to whatever cover of it I see when it comes up.

Edit: this part has been added a while after publication, some new things:

First of all, I no longer fully believe in a set in stone formation for the studio's greatest female antagonists, as the Evil Queen from Snow White also is a very strong contender for Ursula's place, as well as Lady Tremaine (for some reason), and in general, I no longer truly believe in this statement.

Second of all, one thing that I want to point out about Ursula that I didn't realise until this retrospective by Colin LooksBack is that she is a villain surprisingly flexible to change; like, before this video, I always considered Cruella to be the Disney villain most suited to drastically different interpretations, and she still is, don't get me wrong, but this video made me realise that Ursula is also very suited to have her character changed in some way, shape or form (doesn't mean that's mostly pulled off well), and I think that's pretty neat.

Number 21: Mother Gothel (Tangled)

Mother Gothel is the main villain of Tangled (movie).

She's the fake mother of Rapunzel, and a criminal too.

The most disturbing thing about Mother Gothel is that child me couldn't understand why she was treated as the bad guy by the narrative when, despite kidnapping Rapunzel, she was clearly shown to care for her, then, once I grew up, I finally realised what was happening on the screen, and to this day I'm still horrified that child me could easily fall for her words; truly messed up when I think about it.

However.... her manipulation seems way too obvious now. Like, I struggle to believe that this is the way she acted when Rapunzel was growing up, she's way too nervous and controlling for me, the audience, to buy the fact that this was the status quo Rapunzel was living in inside the tower.

More than anything, this demeanor from Gothel feels like her struggling to maintain a grip on her victim's life now that said victim is now a rebellious teenager that wants to fulfill her dreams and be free.

In general, out of all the female villains of Disney's major movies, I consider Mother Gothel to be the one with the most outward level of complexity, as, despite being pretty evil... she also tries not to be, at various turns.

She's selfishly keeping the magic flower for herself, but she didn't harm anyone for it.

When she decides to sneak into the royal palace, it's pretty clear by the framing of the events that her original plan wasn't to kidnap the child, even if that's what she ended up doing; heck, throwing aside her choice to let Rapunzel save Eugene during the climax of the film which leads to her undoing, before deciding to chain up her "daughter", she's like: "You want me to be the bad guy? Fine. Now I'm the bad guy" as if she was trying not to be.

Like, comparatively, Mother Gothel at the start of the story is as evil as Eugene at the start of the movie: they are both fixated on their own gain and are willing to rob the royals in order to get it, both manipulate and backstab the twins once they have served their use, but while Eugene manages to become a better person thanks to Rapunzel's positive influence and accepts the notion of dying in order to free her, Gothel, despite having spent more time with her, remains as selfish as she always was and refuses to give up her own life in order for Rapunzel to be happy.

Honestly the Tangled franchise is amongst the angstiest things Disney has ever done, and that's without even getting into the TV show.

Now, I have never seen the Rapunzel TV series, despite knowing some of its spoilers like the Cassandra ordeal and a few other things, so I can't give you my opinions on her character in that show, but I know someone who has, therefore, this next section in yellow is that person's thoughts, not written by me, but by him/her/them.

🇮🇹: "Madre Gothel non lo definirei mai il cattivo principale della serie. Per quanto mi piaccia nel film, nella serie la trovo molto svalutata e deludente. I suoi primi accenni alla comparsa negli episodi erano molto interessanti visto che entra nella storia solo nella stagione finale e quindi pensavo che forse poteva essere lei la cattiva principale. Dopo la rivelazione che lei era la madre di Cassandra il mio cervello era esploso perché era un vero colpo di scena che mi era piaciuto tantissimo, ma mi aspettavo molto di più. Nella serie non compare (o almeno non in carne e ossa), ma solo come ricordo della figlia e negli specchi magici che mostravano il passato di Gothel. Nulla di serio, non infligge e non fa nulla per rendere Cassandra cattiva, anzi è il demone Zhan Tiri che usa questo a suo favore per mettere Cassandra e Rapunzel una contro l' altra. Perciò mi delude che si risolve anche abbastanza velocemente la parte degli abusi che ha causato alla figlia. So che forse non tutti la pensano come me, ma crescendo con Rapunzel ad essere il mio film Disney preferito mi sento fin troppo delusa che non ci sia nulla a riguardo di Gothel veramente entusiasmante. Questa è una mia idea, ma mi sarebbe piaciuto vedere magari Zhan Tiri che facesse qualche suo incantesimo (anche perché credo che ne sarebbe in grado) di riportare in vita madre Gothel. Magari faceva il lavaggio del cervello a Cassandra così da farle uccidere Rapunzel per vendicarsi facendo fare così il lavoro sporco alla figlia. Anche perché primo, madre Gothel manipola, ma fa il lavoro sporco solo quando non ha altre opzioni, secondo sé ritorna in vita non credo che l'eterna giovinezza era un problema. O magari la storia poteva essere diversa come ad esempio Gothel finge di essere un buono per sconfiggere Zhan per poi tradire tutti e avere oltre all' eterna giovinezza il potere assoluto. Si forse era un po' troppo complesso per una serie come quella di Rapunzel per un target di bambini, ma penso che Gothel avrebbe fatto di tutto per ritornare in vita e giovane per sempre. Inoltre una cosa terribile è pensare... GOTHEL HA DAVVERO DECISO DI AVERE UNA FIGLIA? Perché devo ammetterlo, che madre del cavolo, è peggio quello che ha fatto a Cassandra che a Rapunzel. Con la prima nemmeno la calcolava, la seconda invece le faceva tutti i regali che voleva (sempre per i suoi fini), ma non l'ha mai fatta sentire meno amata. Inoltre sarei curiosa di sapere chi era il padre di Cassandra e quindi il fidanzato (?) di Gothel. Perché non credo che Gothel si era sposata sapendo che nella serie le due vivono da sole oltre che a Gothel le importa solo di se stessa."

🇬🇧(translated by me):

"I would never define Mother Gothel as the main villain of the series. Despite how much I like her in the film, in the series I find her very devalued and disappointing. The first hints to her appearence in the episodes were very interesting, since she enters the story only in the final season and therefore I thought that maybe she could have been the main villain. After the revelation that she was Cassandra's mother my brain blew up, because it was a true plot twist that I liked very much, but I was expecting a lot more. She doesn't appear in the series (at least not in flesh and bone), she remains as a memory inside her daugther and the magic mirrors who reveal her past.

Nothing serious, she doesn't inflict much pain nor does she do anything to turn Cassandra evil, on the contrary, it's the demon Zhan Tiri who uses this to his advantage to put Cassandra and Rapunzel against each other. So it upsets me that even the part of the abuses caused to her daugther gets resolved very quickly. I know that not everyone is going to think it like me, but growing up with Rapunzel as my favourite Disney movie I feel way too upset that there is nothing too exciting in regards to Gothel in this adaptation. This is just my idea, but I would have liked to see maybe Zhan Tiri cast some spell (since I believe he would be capable of) to bring back to life Mother Gothel. Maybe he could brainwash Cassandra so that she tries to kill Rapunzel... (I decided to not translate this part, since it's just their/her/his idea for a rewrite.

Also, another terrible thing to think... GOTHEL REALLY CHOSE TO HAVE A DAUGTHER? Because I must admit, what a shitty mother, what she did to Cassandra is way worse than what she did to Rapunzel. She never noticed the first one, the second one instead got all of the gifts that she wanted (for her ulterior motives), but she never made her feel less loved. Also I'll be curious to learn who is Cassandra's real father and therefore Gothel's boyfriend (?). Because I don't believe Gothel would have married knowing that in the series the two of them live alone, and also considering that Gothel only cares about herself."

Maybe not the overall best person to ask for an opinion on fiction, but I trust him/her/them, they are a good person, even if they are a little bit misguided sometimes.

Next part (coming in the future)>>>>