#pump's mum

[spooky-month-archive]

Spooky Month 6: Hollow Sorrows background portrait and hospital poster sketches

[itsnotmourn]

i drew the ladies as warrior cats!

[squirrelfromspace]

US elections this Trump wins that- what is happening in german politics why is Scholz suddenly doing things

[alberta-sunrise]

Reading whilst i do my final pump of the day 🐮

[jtownraindancer]

okay ive officially had enough emergency room and urgent care visits to last the rest of the year

[whereimnotme]

Photo taken during climate action protest in Canberra, January 2020, featuring another of ScoMo’s tone deaf quotes - ‘thankfully we’ve had no loss of life’ - from that ill-fated small town PR tour.

"Yes, two, that's quite right. I was thinking about firefighters really," said Morrison, before expressing his "sincere condolences" for the 27 lives lost during the ongoing disaster.

Officially, 33 people were ultimately killed directly by fires that summer with another estimated 445 people dying from smoke inhalation.

Meanwhile the PM fucked off to Hawaii on holiday.

I am still incandescent with rage.

I just spent some time scrolling through this blog and am suffering from sever laughter. Thanks so much for collating the countries craziest moments. One of my favourites is when Scott Morrison was in Hawaii while the bushfires where burning.

December 2019: As Australia's east coast is engulfed in the worst bushfires in living memory, rumours begin to circulate that Australia's Prime Minister Scott Morrison may have secretly fucked off for a holiday in Hawaii.

Keep in mind, this is what is going down in Australia at the time:

The Hawaii rumour is initially written off as a fringe conspiracy, because surely nobody could be that fuckin tonedeaf, and it was quickly forgotten about... until an Australian man visiting Hawaii UPLOADED A SELFIE ON THE BEACH WITH THE PM THROWING A SHAKA.

At which point all hell broke loose.

Overnight the formerly popular "Scomo" became the most despised man in all of Australia. Think "firefighters shouting out of their windows to news cameras" level of despised.

After about two days of radio silence and pretending like he was still at home running the country, the Prime Minister's handlers finally dragged him onto call with an Australian radio station, where he pinky promised to return to Australia as fast as he could in an attempt to calm things down.

Unfortunately Scott's empathy consultant (a real job) then had to watch Scott pour more gasoline on the dumpster fire by uttering the now famous phrase "Look I don't hold a hose mate" when asked by the radio interviewer why the fucking fuck the fuckhead wasn't fucking in Australia doing his fucking job during a massive fucking crisis.

Testing just how much worse things could get, Scomo then proceeded to NOT rush back to Australia as promised, instead attempting to complete the rest of his holiday, a fact that was exposed when a passerby snapped a picture of him still lounging on the beach two days later.

Eventually, holiday complete, Morrison did reluctantly slink back to Australia, and in an attempt to calm things down, he decided to pay a visit to a small town that had been destroyed by the fires.

Which was a big mistake.

Scomo still had not registered how absolutely and totally he had screwed the poodle with his Hawaiian beach vacation, and he walks into what is now taught in PR classes as one of the greatest examples of "what not do do in a crisis" in all of history.

Scotty from Marketing, as he is now dubbed by the nation, spends a painfully cringe-inducing hour wandering around a burned down town with TV news cameras in tow, having to FORCE PEOPLE TO SHAKE HIS HAND in what is some of the most awkward footage you will ever see.

At this point it's probably also worth mentioning that, before becoming Prime Minister, Scott Morrison's biggest claim to fame in politics was being the guy that was so far up the coal lobby's arse that he literally brought coal into parliament and waved it around, claiming it doesn't hurt people.

So when a protest was organised it turned out to be one big national fuck you to the Prime Minister, the likes of which the world has never seen before or since.

Needless to say, at this point Scomo's career was dead in the water, but thanks to the rules brought in to stop Australian political parties from knifing their leader every two weeks (a popular Aussie passtime) Morrison basically couldn't get fired until after the next election.

And so, when the election rolled around in 2022, we decided that was an opportune time to travel over to Hawaii to erect this bad boy tribute to the Prime Minister, on the very beach where Scomo had sat and drank margaritas that one fateful week in December as Australia burned (thanks to @chaser for funding the ticket)

[penation]

'I'm gonna pa rum pum pump your mum'

The little drummer boy on Xbox Live

[readwritealldayallnight]

Simon’s never given much thought to babies before.

When he was younger, enough time was spent scorning his father and the childhood he was depriving him of, that any thoughts of becoming a dad himself one day were nonexistent. As far as he was concerned, he was essentially already a stand in parent to his younger brother.

As he grew older and enlisted, his life becoming one that consisted of nothing more than violence and destruction and terror, he thought the odds of him surviving into his 30’s were so slim that he need never bother worrying about having a ‘next of kin’.

That was until, he met you, of course.

Because now that Simon Riley has you in his life, he’s not quite so pessimistic about his existence the way he once was, doesn’t picture a foreboding dark cloud when he considers what his future could be. What a future with you could be.

Still, as much time as the two of you spend actually engaging in the baby making process, Simon really only considers babies as being something that other people have, not him.

Not with his line of work, not with the risks that come alongside the territory, not when he already can barely stand to leave you for deployment, let alone leave you behind with a child on top of everything.

No, Simon is perfectly content with his life where babies are just another anomale.

But then, your best friend announces she’s pregnant. And the sight of you holding a positive pregnancy test in your hands, changes something within him.

Suddenly, Simon is noticing chubby, drooling little infants everywhere he goes.

Fat babies shoved into the uncomfortable looking seats of grocery carts pass by him in the shops, crying babies strapped to their mums on the tube, sleeping babies being pushed around in their prams without a care in the world. Even on base, he notices more people talking about their children, showing off picture of their offspring.

He’s looking at you a little different as well. His gaze on you will darken as you and your friend chat about baby names, casually mentioning the ones that you like for yourself. His grip will tighten around the shopping cart when you wave to passing babies, making them giggle. He’s surprised at the way his cock twitches when you pretend to hold a breast pump up to your own chest, wrapping the baby shower gift you’d gotten her.

It only takes so long for you to notice the change in him as well.

You’ll be strolling through the park on a chilly morning when a young family goes by, Simon muttering something about how the little bald headed infant ‘should have a hat on for fuck’s sake, cold out ‘ere’. You’ll be in the shops, when suddenly Simon returns holding a pair of teeny tiny baby shoes in his hand, appearing comically small in his large calloused palms, wondering if maybe your friend would like them. You’re sitting outside a cafe while a pair of chubby cheeked babies are sat in their strollers staring at Simon as if their lives depended on it. You’re giggling to yourself, watching your boyfriend stare right back at these little girls, when the 6’4” tank of a man slowly lifts a gloved hand and waves at them, earning a pair of gummy smiles in return.

The most evident change in Simon however, is in bed.

Almost overnight, he goes from never having considered children, to suddenly dedicating every effort to getting you pregnant by the end of the year, month, week.

[spooky-month-archive]

The trailer for Spooky Month 6: Hollow Sorrows

[itsnotmourn]

there was an easter collaboration between many twitter artists and i was welcomed to draw pump’s mother!

i based the dress of one of the sylvanian family easter outfits! <3

[quillandrapier]

My heart hurts ouchie

[keimarkai]

I kinda want to write an entire essay on this stupid site, but I don’t know what to write about. I could possibly dream up a billion scenarios if I had the time and the energy, but I don’t. You can tell when I am typing on my laptop because I punctuate my sentences properly.

Did you know that Pump the Jam was made by a Belgium techno group? I didn’t until just this morning, when I watched Cunk on Earth.

[mollymaehague]

Molly-Mae Hague out in Manchester on February 27, 2023.

[pricesprincess]

you hadn't had time to text kyle and let him know you're watching your brother's kids.

they kept you busy running amuck around the house, their giggles and little feet slapping against the floor made your heart ache.

you had wanted kids since you could remember.

it was always a dream of yours to see a little one that was part you and your lover, a physical manifestation of your bond with them.

none of your past boyfriends wanted to be tied down to that type of commitment so you tucked it away putting it up high on the shelf.

watching your nieces and nephews play with toys in the living room distracted you enough not to hear the front door open and the footsteps that stopped at the entryway.

"love?"

four heads snapped up at their uncle kyle's voice and shot up from the carpet to run over to him screaming his name, seems like he's everyone's favorite and you didn't blame them.

hes your favorite too.

"they've been running me ragged baby, sorry i didn't get a chance to text."

kyle waved your apology off with a warm smile that made your stomach clench and toes curl.

you couldn't help but watch him with four little ones hanging off of him pretending to be an airplane complete with the noises as well.

he kept them off your back as you made dinner making sure to run around the backyard as you kept an eye on them through the window.

a flutter rippled through your womb when he scooped up the youngest bringing her inside to tend to her scraped knee.

"i'm a magician, in three seconds your knee will feel better." kyle assured her with a soft voice as he crouched in front of her and blew on the scrape causing her to gasp then smile wide.

she wrapped little arms around his neck hugging him tightly thanking him.

later that evening after your brother picked them up begging for you to watch them again tomorrow you and kyle settled on the couch.

"we should have a babe, you'd make a wonderful mum, the best." without knowing your deepest secret he breathed life into it.

and an hour later he was pumping load after load in you.

comments and relogs with tags are really appreciated <3