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ninjastormhawkkat · 4 years ago

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Alliance Swap Au: Other Characters

In my first post for this au, I mentioned which ally of Wordgirl is swapped. Some of this involves a swap of powers. It will also involve a swap of personality. Here is the outline for each characters.

Victoria and Violet:

I noticed that Victoria does have some good qualities despite her overall villainous character. (That is definitely her parents fault.) One thing I noted is that Victoria does have somewhat of a dependable character and she is smart enough to realize her situation and mistakes (when her ego is not in the way). In one episode (I forgot the name) Victoria was willing to work together with Wordgirl to get Wordgirl’s powers back from Victor. Even though Victoria’s main motivation was to not be out-bested by her brother, she did prove dependable in helping Wordgirl out. In this au, I increased Victoria’s better qualities. She is a loyal and dependable best friend to Becky. She still acts brash and is somewhat brutally honest, but she will acknowledge her flaws and sincerely apologize when called out for her bad behavior. She is sassy and will throw hands to protect her friends, even when she doesn’t have to. (Tobey and Becky often have to pull her back to keep Victoria from getting hurt or worse.) In this au, Victoria has a single ponytail, regular hair ribbons that are blue in color. She wears a light blue shirt with a grey jacket. Her skirt, shoes, and socks are the same as in canon. Victoria likes Pretty Princess (not to an extant as Becky). In this au her parents are corporate people. (Idk the jobs) They are better than their canon selves, but are a little distant due to how busy their jobs are. They do love their children and want the best for them (not pushing them to be the best always) they just don’t have the time to spend with them as they want to. Victoria’s parents do let Victor and Victoria stay with friends or a good babysitter when they are extremely busy. The Best’s home is not as extravagant as in canon and the rest of the family are dressed more normally and comfortably. (They are still an upper-class family, but look like a normal family to everyone else.) Instead of Art, Becky and Victoria take music class together. (Becky is still terrible.) Victoria does not have her powers. Victoria is sensible in this au, but does try to become a superhero because it looks awesome. “Violet Superhero” happens a little differently, but Victoria does not take the mantle anymore because she realizes she is not cut out for heroics and leave it to the professionals. She and Tobey are still fans of Wordgirl, neither are easily fooled as the rest of the city. (Victoria’s hero outfit is same as canon.) Victoria is basically sassy mostly and does have General Smoochington, but treats him like a loving pet in this au and is definitely a lot more caring toward him.

For Violet, I decided to twist her good qualities and make them corrupt. This was based on the villain from Wander over Yonder, Dr. Screwball, and how he wanted to make everyone laugh, whether they wanted to or not. Violet in this au wants to live in a world where everything is all sunshine and rainbows and everyone is happy all the time. She thinks that everybody is a winner and it is not fair when someone gets a trophy when another person doesn’t. Violet was raised in an environment by her mother where everything and everybody needs to live in peace and harmony and those who don’t need to be shown the error of their ways. Ex. In the introduction episode for Victoria Best, Violet gets upset when Victoria earns a lot of trophies (not every trophy like in canon). So she takes them to “teach her a lesson” about humility. (In this au, Victoria earned her trophies because of her hard work.) Violet also gets upset when she sees how Wordgirl treats the villains even though she is just doing her job and treats them the same as canon. Violet does get mistaken for Wordgirl and does try to take up the role of Wordgirl just to prove that Wordgirl is doing a terrible job and she should become a hero to be more sympathetic to everyone. (Her hero outfit is “The Framer”). Her powers are similar to Victoria’s. She has pink eyes when she uses them to move and levitate stuff. Violet paints and shows everyone her painting which puts them in a hypnotic trance which keeps them in a peaceful state until the control wears off. (If anyone has watched the Scooby-Doo: Mystery Incorporated episode “When Walks Aphrodite” it is similar to that.)

Tobey and Scoops:

I sorta did the same thing as I did for Violet and Victoria in this au. There are no interest or ability swaps for these two.

Tobey in this au is just an avid, albeit a little too energetic, inventor. Tobey is head of the media/technical club and is in charge of the media stuff used in school such as electronics used for classrooms and organizing technical special effects for school events. Tobey still dresses the same, but acts like a lovable nerd. Both he and Becky have crushes on each other, but the boy is oblivious as heck that Becky has a crush on him. Becky is not as lovey-dovey as she is in canon with Scoops when expressing herself towards Tobey in this au. Tobey has no idea that Becky is Wordgirl until the “Invasion of the Bunny Snatchers” episode. Tobey still invents robots for fun on the side.

For Scoops, you remember how I made his character in my Morally Gray Wordgirl au? Well he is a lot worse in this au. He is still a reporter and a part of the Daily Rag (not head reporter). In this au, Scoops will do anything to get a Scoop, even sometimes aiding villains or helping to cause incidents to just get a great story. (Since Tobey is not a villain in this au, I have Dr. Ape Brains taking over most of Tobey’s canon roles with some shifts to other villains.) He is obsessed with finding out Wordgirl’s identity and causes an incident where he messes with Tobey’s Robots which cause them to go on a rampage at Becky’s home and a few other instances. Scoops does not mean to get people hurt, but he is too focused on “getting the BIG scoop” to notice. He does get punished by his parents. Canon outfit.

Eileen and Rex:

Now I chose to swap these two because they are both similar in personality. The both have childlike curiosity and are equally energetic. They both tend to ignore what others tell them and seem to think they know what they are doing.

In this au, Eileen is a alien superhero from the planet Gigantian. She can control her size changes and is super strong. She can’t fly but has incredible stamina and dexterity that allows her to leap high in the air. She still has the baby talk (kids on Gigantian talk like a baby until their 13.) This annoys the heck out of Becky. Steven now has to deal with two energetic superheroes. (Sarcastically) Lucky him. Her hero name is Giantess. Her hero outfit is a pink mask. She has a suit style similar to Kid Math’s, but the main colors are pink with purple gloves, boots, and a cape. Her insignia is a mini green person in a strongman stance with black radio wave lines surrounding the person which symbolizes Eileen’s growth and shrinking abilities. Her secret identity outfit is the same as in canon. Her hairstyle as a superhero is in a ponytail while her secret identity has her canon hair and bow.

Rex is a kid villain known has Math Whiz. He treats everything as a research study. Rex does believe every day is his birthday which entitles him to do anything he wants all in the name of research. In the introductory episode for Eileen (changed for this au) Rex takes Squeaky for a lab rat and obliviously ignores Squeaky biting him all the time for release. When he doesn’t get what he wants he uses his powers. Rex is able to project holographic math monsters of various sizes that either protect him, steal for him, or attack anyone that bothers him (on command). These monsters may be holographic but can hurt someone physically. They look like math numbers and equations, have sharp teeth, cartoon eyes and arms, and are mainly white in color with a blue hue that surrounds them. Luckily, the amount of math monsters Rex is able to generate depend on his level of entitlement. If he is greedy for one thing or if it is for small reasons, he can usually generate one monster. Even if he is able to generate multiple math monsters at once, it takes a lot of energy out of him so he can only do it a few times.

Rose Franklin and Chazz:

Recently, I decided to do a character change swap for Rose Franklin. I originally picked Katy because she was friendly and apologetic with Toby like Rose was with Scoops. Writing this post, I began to think about how Chazz was in the episode where he was being a bad influence for TJ. Since I have Scoops being a villain in this au, why not do the same for Rose. In this au, Rose acts like a cool girl/bad influence which impresses TJ and he develops a silly crush on her (which then ends when Wordgirl gets him back to his senses). She has an outfit and attitude similar to Chazz’s, but adjusted for a girl. Rose in this au is called Roe.

Chazz in this au is a laid back, but intelligent kid who uses focuses on environmental science. The “News Girl” episode is retitled “Science Boys” for this au. In this au, Chazz accidentally insults Tobey by saying building robots isn’t really a helpful science as it would make people too dependent on robots. (Tobey is immediately upset and ready to throw hands because NO ONE insults his robots. Becky holds him back before Tobey does something stupid). Chazz in this au is called Chad Hudson. He moved to Fair City with his mom who is the new Forewoman (idk what a female foreman is supposed to be called?) for the Power Plant. Wordgirl and Mouse Ace stop the energy monster from destroying the plant and giving Chazz’s mom more work. In this au, Becky takes Chad to natural places along with technical places to get him more comfortable with the city and to ease the issues between him and Tobey. (Tobey does make friends with him in the end.) Tobey during this tour gets upset when Chad creates environment experiments that are beneficial for the civilians and villains. Ex. he creates an organic, environmentally friendly, gel that is great for Chuck’s bread skin and helps the grocery store manager to grow more head hair which he talks to Chad about profiting in his store. Chad figures out Becky’s identity the same way Rose does because this guy is smart. He plans Becky’s exposure as a major science project because her identity and life is a great scientific study. Steven is doing work stuff when Becky calls him to help her fight the bad guys so Steven is not on the tour with them. Steven finds out about how Chad discovered her identity after Becky tells him. Steven, after Tobey, confronts Chad (Tobey’s talk is similar as Scoop’s talk to Rose) and he basically explains the importance of keeping Wordgirl’s identity secret (acting as an adult) and also sort of threatens Chad (Two Brains’ canon character is showing). Luckily Chad, at this point, had already decided to not reveal Wordgirl’s secret and do something else for his project.He is from now on scared of Becky’s dad. It also takes a while for Steven to fully trust him.

Everyone else is pretty much the same for this au. Steven and Becky are neighbors to the Botsfords, TJ is still a fan of Wordgirl with Johnson as his sidekick (I decided to not bother swapping them for the au), and Miss Powers is still an evil alien (I couldn’t find anyone for her or Colonel Gigglecheeks). I don’t have any ship ideas for Victoria or the rest of the characters in this au. Except for Tobecky.

(Another thing I forgot to mention in my first post about Squeaky is that the mouse sometimes travels with Becky in her pocket. So he does come with her to school sometimes. He usually sticks with Steven in the lab. Squeaky is kidnapped as was Bob in the “Birthday Girl” episode and is put in a girly dress which he despises with every fiber in his being. He also escapes the “Invasion of the Bunny Snatchers” mind control and helps Becky because his body was too small for the button to stick on well.)

So that is my Alliance Swap au for Wordgirl

#wordgirl au #alliance swap au #wordgirl #violet #scoops #becky #Steven Boxleitner #kid math #eileen #victoria best #tobey mcallister #rose franklin #chazz #power and personality swap

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into-the-afterlife · 4 years ago

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Why I Ship Johnny/Female V: Part 2

[Part 1] [Part 2]

This is Part 2 of my essay series on why I ship Johnny and female V. Back in part 1, I covered why I ship female V specifically with Johnny and not male V, as well as some thoughts on Johnny’s sexuality. This time, I’m looking at Johnny himself. (Content warning: there is some discussion of rape and how rape is handled in fiction.)

Johnny, ambiguity and age-old romantic tropes

Look, I’m just going to come out and say this: part of my interest in this ship is thirsting over Johnny. And when I’m interested in something, whether it’s an intellectual, creative or sexual interest, I like to do what I always do – analyse it to death. So what is it about the actor, the performance and the character that makes Johnny as attractive as he is?

Keanu Reeves himself, obviously, can’t be ignored here. He has a gorgeous face and voice, but crucially, he’s distinctively beautiful. Obviously, everyone has the right to be into what they’re into, and I don’t want to shame anyone for their tastes. But I do not understand people who are into the blandly beautiful. Sure, there’s nothing wrong about, let’s say, Chris Evans. But what’s right about him? Where are the snags that catch your attention and hold it? Where’s the life?

Reeves, meanwhile, is attractive because he’s unusual. He has long, dark hair, but he’s regularly photographed at public events with it mussed-up. He has a chiselled face, but his cheekbones are high enough that he looks alien. He has all the charisma of any Hollywood actor, but, whether this is him as he is or an especially well-calculated image choice, it comes off as genuine. When watching interviews with him, you feel less in the presence of a star and more an especially fascinating stranger at a party, one who, despite bursting with witticisms and stories, somehow wants to talk to you most of all.

There’s also an element of age ambiguity here. Reeves is in his fifties, and while age suits his looks better than youth did, it shows. Meanwhile, Johnny the character is in his thirties when he dies, and to match this, the animators smooth out Reeves’ face and darken his beard. They also give Johnny the (unrealistic but glorious) organic arms of a dedicated bodybuilder. So what Johnny ends up with is the presence, confidence and charisma of an older guy, combined with the physicality of someone younger. It’s potent, to say the least. It also adds to Johnny’s uncanniness as a character. He’s caught between maturity and youth, life and death, humanity and machine; he’s hard to pinpoint no matter where you look. And whether you express this academia-style, as, ‘the gothic associates uncanniness with sexuality’, or internet-style, as, ‘I’m a monster/robotfucker’, this is, as the kids say, pretty damn hot.

This uncanniness, as well as Reeves’ looks and performance, also offset some of the more unlikeable aspects of Johnny’s personality. This is best illustrated by the concept art created for Johnny before Reeves was brought on board. (Found courtesy of the lovely folks at r/LowSodiumCyberpunk.)

As you can see, they had a lot of Johnny’s look already nailed down. But this makes the differences all the more startling. This Johnny looks like he’s been dragged through the wringer. His hair is messier, and he seems to be getting premature wrinkles and balding. He’s strung-out, with a genuinely hopeless cast to his face. His look is also a lot more dated. While our Johnny has elements of the old rocker, the jean jacket, bandana, V-necked black jumper and aviators clipped to the tank top root this Johnny inescapably in 1980s music and fashion.

Why is all this relevant to shipping Johnny with V? Partially because I’m shallow, I’m not going to lie. But it’s also because making Johnny look like this would have made him much more obviously an intrusion. A guy dressed like this next to 2077’s booty shorts and space buns is like a ghost in a ballgown next to a woman in jeans. He’s not just out of time; he’s been irrevocably left behind. Johnny’s face here also has much less in the way of possibility. Where our Johnny says, ‘maybe your life would be better if you listened to me’, this Johnny screams, ‘my way is hopeless, but you can’t ignore it’. It’s leaning much more into the tragic aspects of Johnny’s character and of the genre of cyberpunk. And don’t get me wrong – I love that artwork, and think that angle would be an interesting artistic choice.

But making Johnny a tragic intrusion like this removes the element of seduction, so to speak, from his character. What makes Johnny attractive, ideologically, sexually and romantically, is a balance of certainty and uncertainty. On the surface, he’s passionately, blazingly certain of his politics, his music and himself. If you’re taking a leap of faith, whether that’s fighting against the corpos that rule your life or hopping into bed with an engram, what draws you to it is the kind of confidence that makes you doubt your own certainties. Yet too much of that can be off-putting. Nobody wants a partner who’s so cocksure (pardon the pun) that they don’t listen to what you want, and nobody wants a political ally who’s gone so far into their own rhetoric that they can’t convince those outside it.

Therefore, the common factor across all the ways Reeves’ looks impact our perception of Johnny is the balancing of two seemingly opposing things. Keep that in mind, because it only gets more relevant the deeper into this ship, and Johnny’s attractiveness, we go.

Of course, Reeves’ looks are far from the only thing he brings to the table. His acting, across body language, facial expressions and voice acting, is incredible. I want to take a look at his voice acting, as well as his voice generally, first.

I’m not familiar enough with the subtleties of American accents to pinpoint why, but Reeves’ accent sounds slightly different to the more generic accents of other famous actors. Perhaps it’s because he’s Canadian. Either way, his consonants are less harsh on the ear than other A-list actors, his vowels less elongated. He speaks slowly, sounding as if he just woke up. His voice is mellow and soothing; it’s the sort of sound you could take a bath in.

(For reference purposes, I’m listening to this Cyberpunk trailer as I write this, as well as, um, this video that I’ve watched far too many times. XD)

Obviously, to play Johnny he has to modify that laid-back aspect of his voice. But it’s interesting how his natural voice and his ‘Johnny’ voice bounce off each other. Reeves is able to pull off a much more belligerent Johnny than many actors could, precisely because of that laid-back quality his natural voice has. Think of that ‘impressive cock’ line. It’s made as funny as it is because of the total lack of shame in how Reeves delivers it. But in the mouth of an actor like, let’s say, Robert Downey Jr, that level of shamelessness would just come off as annoying. Reeves uses his natural voice to amp up Johnny’s, for lack of a better word, Chad-ness, far beyond the place another actor could manage. Because he has that base of softness, he can go hard on Johnny’s arrogance.

Why is this relevant to Johnny’s attractiveness as a character, as well as why Johnny/F!V are a fascinating ship? To develop a character well, you have to have an extremely solid base to start on – and that base is where a lot of writing and acting falls down. The audience has to know intimately what a character is usually like, or who they seem to be, before burrowing into the character further is made effective. That equal hard/soft approach means that when Johnny does soften later in the game, it seems both unexpected and inevitable. Even as the harsh tone and words were conveying one thing, that softness underneath was always conveying another. But the fact that Reeves can go hard on the arrogance makes that change much more impactful than it would be in another character. Once again, we’re seeing an equal balance of two seemingly opposing qualities, not openly leaning towards one or the other.

There’s also some aspects of the body language Reeves and the animators give to Johnny I’d like to focus in on. While I’m not an actor, nor am I a psychologist, and therefore am likely to have missed things, there were a few things I noticed when going through footage of Johnny in pivotal scenes. (If you spot something I haven’t talked about, please reply or reblog! I’d love to get a back-and-forth discussion going.)

Over and over again, Johnny’s body language has two layers. There’s what I’m calling the ‘douchebag’ layer, which is where Johnny seems insultingly relaxed. The scene when V and Johnny first meet, as well as the scene at the diner, have two great examples of this. Johnny gets into V’s space, but it’s slow, catlike. There’s no urgency when he leans in, nor when he stands over V.

Similarly, at the diner, he tells V he doesn’t want to kill her anymore – something pivotally important for their relationship and the plot - while putting his arms behind his head and his feet up on the table. It communicates, at least on the surface, a real sense of disrespect. ‘I don’t give a shit’, says his posture, ‘whether you hate and fear me or not’. His threatening slowness when they first meet, meanwhile, communicates that he doesn’t think V is a competent opponent. Why should he hurry if he can get her any time?

At least, that’s what it looks like. Take a look from 9:40 onwards here. Sure, he swings his legs up on the table – but not before hurrying into the diner booth and tapping his fingers rapidly on the table. Even when he gets into that relaxed posture, he’s bouncing his leg the entire time. Those catlike movements I talked about when they first meet? If you look from 5:42 here, they’re there. But they’re also interspersed with banging his head incessantly against the wall, pacing back and forth and glitching unpredictably all around the room.

This is where the second layer of Johnny’s body language comes in. Underneath all that casual condescension, he communicates constant, frenetic energy, even anxiety. Even in his default, idle animations, it’s extremely rarely that Johnny communicates real coolness and calm. He covers constantly racing thoughts and feelings with a slick persona.

What this does is very like the hard/soft balance of the voice acting I talked about earlier. Because the ‘douchebag’ layer of body language is the most obvious one, you pick up on that first. But the other layer is there throughout Johnny’s entire arc, and it goes into your brain on a much more subconscious level. Then, when Johnny’s guard does come down, it seems like a natural development of his character while still being a surprise. Once again, there’s that knife-edge balance between two disparate qualities. And for me, attraction always lies in the space between.

There’s also something highly sexual about the way he gets into V’s space when they first meet, the way he stands over her. When first playing the scene where they first meet, it felt like watching the moments before an act of rape. You see him first as he leans over you while you’re still in bed. He beats you to the ground, smashes your head into the window, and towers over you while you’re collapsed on the floor. Given the context of him taking over your body, the overtones are unmistakeable.

But again, crucially, that frantic body language and his lines are the complete opposite of how someone behaves when making the kind of power play that rape is. The pacing, the panicked words and the fact that he’s caught off guard all communicate disempowerment. While it’s still a violent, frightening scene, it’s not a monstrous one.

Why is that relevant to discussing Johnny’s attractiveness, and Johnny/V? Because rape fantasies and male domination are some of the oldest tropes in the book for M/F romantic arcs. Done properly, they play on desires of sexual submission without explicitly acknowledging the kink, depict the eroticism of that liminal space between humanity and monstrosity I talked about earlier and allow you to fantasise about being deeply wanted. Of course, that last bit isn’t a factual depiction of rape in real life. But in the fantasy, the story, the idea of being ravished is partially about being special, being so uniquely attractive that the guy loses all control of himself. If you have a more conservative or repressed view of your sexuality, the ravishment/rape fantasy also allows you to fantasise about sex without seeing yourself as a slut. (This post is a great look at that last idea as applied to the movie Labyrinth, if you want to find out more.)

The idea of sexualised monstrosity is also everywhere in the tropes used to characterise Johnny. He’s a troubled rockstar, an angst-ridden artist who died tragically young, a violent political rebel, part human and part supernatural creature, a charismatic, cocky, seemingly heartless guy, who just might have a heart if you look deep enough. What all these tropes have in common is the promise of both reassuring humanity and fascinating, exciting monstrosity.

Reeves’ and Johnny’s looks combine strangeness and humanity. Reeves’ voice acting moves between soaring arrogance and languid softness. Johnny’s body language combines fear and overconfidence. And the use of age-old romantic tropes in an unexpected context, as well as the use of these specific romantic tropes, knit all the effects of the other things together to create that balance between the human and the strange. He’s unusual enough to be interesting, human enough to seem real and associated with all our cultural symbolism of an attractive man. With all that going on, how could you not find him hot as hell?

But the thing about these tropes is, they’re also so common they’re clichéd. Not just in fandom, but all across Western media and art. So what lifts Johnny and Johnny/V out of being something generic? What makes them so fascinating that I’ve written thousands of words about them? What, in short, makes them different?

That’s what I’ll go into next time.

[Part 1] [Part 2]

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sehunniepotwrites · 3 years ago

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hello there ! I believe this is the first time I'm writing you an ask directly. First to all, nice to meet you, I've been following your blog since the time I first got into NCT and since Jaehyun is m

one of my bias I'm super thankful to have been able to find you! 🌸 I saw this was your one anniversary since you posted your first fic ? Congratulations and happy anniversary, I hope you had a good day and you're feeling happy as a tumblr writer !

Okay so, now that I've said all of that, I just wanted to comment on 'The apple of my eye'... I had a really good time while reading it and I was kinda pleasingly intrigued with the general theme of this story. I find it so so interesting when writers inspire their stories from real experience they had. It make the story more realistic and impactful (from my perspective, I felt the emotions x100). I l o v e d the meeting between our two main characters, the way jaehyun had his love at first sight was beautiful to see, even with the ridiculous moment where he fall off (lmao) but humor was really welcomed into this story as it make the reading session really enjoyable <3. I feel like the first segment of the story we looked at it with pink colored glasses, the amounts of compliments and appreciation the two of them had towards each others was endearing, it was a pretty stage of falling in love/having a crush! 🌻 also could I comment how kind and benevolent Jaehyun was towards yn? how could you not love this human being ? djjdjfjf I feLT THE ATTRACTION.

The cameos of some dreamies, aespa, red velvet and 127 members was a real take of breathe, meeting new side characters is really a good way of extending reader's opinion and visual representation of your story (oh God, am I making sense??) but yeah, johnny and wendy teasing jaehyun and yn unrevealed feelings, mark and taeyong's bets on their friends love life and joy being a side supporter of yn's love situation yup, I liked that ! also these side characters were so lovelies and helpful to our main idiots, it make me love them 🥺

turning to the angst side, it's the first time in a while that I'm feeling surprised by the tiny detail of a man being considerate towards a woman personal past feeling like?? I don't know, when he regretted acting on his feelings and leaning towards her to kiss her and then remembered about her past relationship issue, it was.. well welcomed ? i made it sound like a lot of writers write past consent but maybe it is because it's true? it's my opinion bc the stories I mainly read have this thing of writing some physical touch in certain situations and consent is not really approached ^^'

I'm glad you make it a fluff one and yn being brave to moving past her struggles and insecurities and jaehyun being honest and open toward her!

You worked so so well and this is one of my favorite jaehyun's fic, thank you so much for writing, having the courage to post your stories on public and letting us read freely ♡

Also, have here some teacher jaehyun'a visuals (bc why not?)

HI THERE, MY FRIEND! i recognize your url, it's so nice to finally meet you uwu and thank you! one year is such a big deal to me. i honestly didn't think i was going to be here for that long but i'm glad i stayed. and i'm glad jeong jaehyun is my new muse uwu

fun fact: i used to write member x member fics and member (mostly hunhan!) x oc for exo back in 2013-2015.

a lot of writers pull from reality in a way, some make it more obvious than others. i happen to be one that announces it to the world. most if not all all writers write from experiences big or small. it could be a little moment in time where they saw something happen to another person and they think, "oh, I want to write that!" or it's something that directly happened to them and they just add a twist to it!

yo, I just feel like jaehyun is the type to fall fast and fall hard. that's who I see him as, especially because he is an old soul romantic who listens to chet baker.

aND DEAR GOD ABOVE, JAEHYUN IS LITERALLY THE PERFECT GUY WRITTEN FROM THE FEMALE PERSPECTIVE. LIKE LOOK AT HIM. HE'S SWEET, HE'S FUNNY, HE'S HANDSOME. HIS FLAWS ARE CHARMING.

i wanted to make him a highly considerate and patient character because that's what kindergarten teachers usually are. patient, understanding, but they still don't take or tolerate shit. they're extremely empathetic and know how to handle a multitude of situations??? at least the ones I worked with are!! and l love them dearly uwu

i also wanted to add the insecurities on both sides, I wasn't sure if it was shown well with jaehyun but people are saying otherwise so guess I did?

ALSO, CONSENT IS VERY IMPORTANT TO ME!!! so I am happy to depict it in any way, shape, or form. I'm currently teaching it to my littles: "if you don't like something, you can say 'no.' if they continue and they don't listen, come get me, okay?"

I also love character growth! i struggled with writing long fics (for exo) in the past because I couldn't get my plots to move forward, so I stuck to drabbles. but now my mind screams for character development!! in every!! fic!! that!! i write!!

yO YO YO THIS IS HOW I IMAGINE TEACHER!JAEHYUN. HIS THICK HAIR ALL RUFFLED AFTER RUNNING HIS FINGERS THRU IT OR MAYBE FROM PLAYING GAMES WITH THE KIDS. AAAAAAAAAAAH.

(more teacher!jae x ta!reader may be coming your way, we'll see?)

since you left me a long msg, it's only fair I gave you a decent reply. i even had to put a break in between haha.

have a great day/night, love. you're always welcome to stop by!

#nikki replies #byunfirstlady #feedback #feedback: apple of my eye

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letterboxd · 3 years ago

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The Other Bill and Ted.

As No Man of God hits theaters and VOD following its Tribeca premiere in June, director Amber Sealey talks to Dominic Corry about her Ted Bundy two-hander and answers our Life in Film questions.

Amber Sealey has been very acknowledging of the fact that her new film is one of many to center around the horrific crimes of serial rapist and murderer Ted Bundy. As she outlined in her Tribeca Q&A with Letterboxd, one way she intended No Man of God to stick out from the pack was through the use of consciously silent background characters who represent Bundy’s voiceless victims.

The structure and source of the film also help distinguish it from other Ted Bundy movies: No Man of God is based on the recordings of FBI agent Bill Hagmaier (played in the film by Elijah Wood), who was tasked with interviewing an incarcerated Bundy in the years leading up to his execution, in order to help determine whether or not he was criminally insane, which could’ve helped to remove Bundy from death row.

With many of Bundy’s victims never officially attributed to the killer, Hagmaier also sought to draw confessions, and something resembling remorse, out of Bundy, to help bring closure to those victims’ families. As detailed in the film, much of which was taken directly from transcripts of the interviews, Bundy and Hagmaier’s relationship was complicated, and the intimacy that develops between them informs No Man of God in often uncomfortable ways.

Luke Kirby and Elijah Wood in a scene from ‘No Man of God’.

Wood (also a producer on the film) and Luke Kirby turn in career-high work as Hagmaier and Bundy, respectively, while Sealey textures the film with some of the most emotive stock-footage montage sequences this side of The Parallax View. Among positive reactions to the film, Claira Curtis, in a four-star review, writes: “Perhaps one of the most successful elements lies in Amber Sealey’s uncentering of the ‘genius’ moniker that has followed Bundy through his years of infamy.” On the pairing of Wood and Kirby in the leading roles, Connor Ashdown-Ford notes that “the chemistry between them both is so authentic it’s darn right unsettling”.

Unsettling is right. Late in the film, Sealey depicts a real-life TV interview that took place between Bundy and evangelical preacher/author/psychologist James Dobson (played by stalwart character actor Christian Clemonson), who uses Bundy to forward his anti-pornography agenda. Throughout this scene, the camera lingers on a young female member of the TV crew (played by an uncredited Hannah Jessup) as she silently reacts to being in Bundy’s presence. Emblematic of Sealey’s aforementioned philosophy in constructing the film, it’s a moment that appears to be having an impact on audiences, as detailed in Nolan Barth’s review: “She might have one of my favorite performances of this year? She shows us fascination, guilt, disgust and fear in like only 30 seconds of screen time. Give her an Oscar. Please.”

In an awkward incident that represents a perhaps unanticipated effect of there being so many contemporaneous movies with the same subject matter, director Joe Berlinger (Metallica: Some Kind of Monster, the Paradise Lost trilogy), who recently directed both the Zac Efron-starring scripted Ted Bundy biopic Extremely Wicked, Shockingly Evil and Vile and the documentary Conversations with a Killer: The Ted Bundy Tapes, sent an email to Sealey ahead of No Man of God’s Tribeca premiere about remarks she had made while discussing how her film differentiated itself from the existing Ted Bundy movies. He felt she had accused him of glorifying Bundy. After Sealey took the exchange public, she explained to Variety that she had never singled out Berlinger’s films in any of her remarks.

In a conversation with Letterboxd, Sealey delves into her approach to No Man of God, and talks about some of her filmic inspirations.

‘No Man of God’ director Amber Sealey.

There is really effective and creepy use of stock-footage montages in this film. Sometimes you see that sort of thing at the beginning of a film, but it’s interesting that you keep going back to them after using them in the opening credits. What was the thinking in using those montages and how did you select the footage? Amber Sealey: The thinking for those was a couple things: One, we don’t leave the prison, and I wanted [the audience] to know a little bit what’s going on outside, in terms of the cultural zeitgeist, like what’s the tone of the time? What movies are popular? What books are popular? What are people wearing? I wanted to have there be a kind of cultural touchstone outside of the prison, but at the same time I wanted it to represent potentially a little bit of what was going on inside Bill’s mind. So the story of the montages as they go on, it gets a little bit more fucked up, for lack of a better word, for Bill, inside of his head.

We were originally going to shoot the crowd scenes [of protesters outside the prison] and recreate them and then because of Covid restrictions, we couldn’t do that anymore. So then I knew we were going to be using archival footage for the crowd, and I didn’t want the archival crowd footage to suddenly jump out as being so different from the rest of our film. We’re shooting on an ARRI camera, [so it’s] not going to look like a Hi-8 from the 1980s. I needed to incorporate this look, this ’80s grainy look into the rest of the movie so that it feels like it’s part and parcel of the film, part of the storytelling.

We got [the footage] in different ways. I have an old friend that I’ve known since I was like, two, he lived next door to me, and my cousin, they both had video cameras in the ’80s and would film everything. So some of that footage is old family footage of their family or friends. There’s a couple shots in there of my neighbors when I was growing up. Then some of it, we did a lot of research on [stock-imagery services] Getty and Pond5, just finding archival footage that we could use that really told the story that we wanted to tell with the montages. It was a lengthy process finding all of that footage for sure.

What was Bill Hagmaier’s involvement in the film? Bill is an executive producer on the film, so he was very involved. The transcripts of those conversations between Bill and Ted, we got from Bill. Bill gave us so much great stuff to work with—the newer FBI files that he was allowed to share with us and the recordings, and when the script was originally written it was written based off of those recordings, and the writer originally spoke to Bill and then when I came on board, I talked to him and then I changed the script, even more from conversations I had with him. He was just a resource.

Almost every [character] you see on screen, those are real people, and he hooked us up with a lot of those real people. I spoke with the prison guards and the wardens and all of that. Then he was just a resource in terms of like, I would ask him, “what color were your shoes?” “Did you carry this kind of briefcase or that kind of briefcase?” Because it was important to me that all that production-design stuff was really authentic. I liked to know, like, “what were your haircuts like then, Bill?” So he was available to talk about the emotional side of things, and then the real just humdrum kind of things. He’s just a lovely guy, he’s really supportive of me and of the film and he just wanted to be accessible as much as he could and he was. He’s a very humble, generous person.

Aleksa Palladino plays civil-rights attorney Carolyn Lieberman to Luke Kirby’s Ted Bundy.

What films did you watch, or cite as reference points in preparation for No Man of God? Literally hundreds and hundreds of movies. When I’m looking for my creative look, I just watched so many films, and a lot of old films. I’d have to go back and look at my look book to tell you all of them but I pull images from the weirdest places. But once I get past figuring out the creative look of the film, I don’t then like to watch the movies a lot because I try to really make it its own thing and I worry too much that I’ll be copycatting other artists and I want to try [to] avoid that.

What’s your favorite true-crime movie? Oh god, what was the one about the guy who like, went to the bathroom and confessed, accidentally? He forgot his mic was on? Do you remember that one?

The Jinx? Yeah. Even though it’s a documentary, I’m going to go with that.

What’s your favorite big-screen serial-killer performance? It has to be Luke Kirby. Luke Kirby as Bundy.

What was the first horror film you saw? My dad had me watch Cat People when I was nine. Does that count?

The Val Lewton one? The ’80s one.

Oh, the Paul Schrader one? Yes! The Paul Schrader one.

Nastassja Kinski in Paul Schrader’s ‘Cat People’ (1982).

When you were nine years old? Yeah. I also watched Blue Velvet when I was nine. Oh wow, thank you Dad.

What’s the most disturbing film you’ve ever seen? Most disturbing, hmm… Kids.

What film made you want to become a filmmaker? It was Michael Winterbottom’s Nine Songs. My first film was a reaction to that movie. I’m a huge Winterbottom fan. That’s a great movie, but also it advertises itself as being a real relationship and real sex and I watched it and I was like, well that’s not like any… it was like two models, you know? Their sex scenes were like a perfume ad and I was like, well that’s not what real sex looks like for real people. I made my first feature after that.

What’s your go-to comfort movie? Oh, so many, let’s think. The Proposal. I love Trainwreck. I really like rom-coms, like if I’m sick or something, I’ll watch rom-coms. Roman Holiday, stuff like that.

What’s a classic that you couldn’t get into or that you think is overrated? Umm. Star Wars. I’m trying to think, there’s something else that I just don’t like… everyone loves that singing movie. What’s that singing movie that when Moonlight won the Oscar, it got announced?

La La Land. Yeah. I was not into that.

What filmmaker living or dead do you envy/admire the most? Yorgos Lanthimos. Or Phoebe Waller-Bridge.

If you were forced to remake a classic movie, what would you remake? Grease.

Who would be in the cast of your Grease remake? Oh I don't even know but it would be much darker. It would still be a musical and still be funny, but much darker.

I would like to see that movie. I would too.

Related content

Diego’s list of films featuring the FBI

Boris1980’s list of films about serial killers

Follow Dominic on Letterboxd

‘No Man of God’ is in theaters and on VOD from August 27, 2021.

#amber sealey #luke kirby #elijah wood #ted bundy #bill hagmaier #fbi #serial killer #thriller #courtroom #fbi movies #letterboxd

4 notes · View notes

margridarnauds · 4 years ago

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Your "Grace O'Malley" tag is extremely gratifying--it's so nice to see actual scholarship. So with that in mind: Have you read Morgan Llwelyn's novel, and if so, what do you have to say on it?

Hi! Thank you so much! I’m glad you like it; it can feel a little bit like I’m shouting into the wind, given that Gráinne is one of my more niche focuses. I still kind of want to do something that actually looks at the EVIDENCE, but I digress.

Morgan Llewelyn….I have mixed feelings about. I last really looked into this book when I was toying with doing my undergrad Capstone Thesis on Donal O’Flaherty, about….4 years ago, now. Time really does fly. So, I forced myself into a refresher, just to remind myself what I missed.

[warning for references to rape, incest, and some of the most Cursed™ lines I’ve ever been forced to read in my life, and that’s including the zombie blowjob scene.]

Final Verdict: 2.5/5 - DEFINITELY not the worst retelling of Gráinne’s life (I’ve seen....Things), but also not the best, either, and with some very, very glaring flaws that make it impossible for me to really enjoy.

My main take away from it is that…as far as its depiction of Gráinne, it did about as well as its source material. I can tell, looking at it and reading it, that she really looked hard at Anne Chambers’ book. Which is unfortunate because, as I’ve made……………relatively clear over the years, I think that it’s very, deeply flawed. And, unfortunately, Llewlyn stuck rather close to the book, leaving in things like Donal’s “murder" of Walter Fada Burke (if the patronymic don’t fit, you’ve got to acquit), Sexist™ Incompetent™ Donal™, and…..Hugh de Lacy, which, in my personal opinion, owe more to Chambers lack of critical reading of her own sources than they do to the historical record. ESPECIALLY Hugh de Lacy because…the name. Very odd that one of the major Anglo-Norman officials should share a name with Gráinne Ní Mháille’s boytoy. Very odd. Especially given that the pattern of “Love interest of Gráinne’s killed off/Gráinne seeks revenge” is VERY similar to what we hear of the Defense of Hen’s Castle. Almost as if they come from the same story.

This also leads us to the scene where Donal tries to rape Gráinne in her sleep which, honestly, I loathe with every fibre of my being. Nope, nope. Hate it. Hate. It. Oh, God, I forgot about the references to Donal!Incest. Why is this a mini-genre of Gráinne Ní Mháille historical fiction. Why. I can think of at least…..2-3 books that do this. Why God. Why.

Lest anyone think that this is the Donal fangirl in me jumping out, in general, I feel like Llewelyn’s treatment of most of the characters is ultimately paper-thin. Richard Burke is also given this treatment and, while I wouldn’t REALLY expect a sympathetic Richard Bingham (nor would I particularly want one - I’ve spent a lot of quality time reading his complaints and cackling), even HE’S done a disservice.

On a technical level, I don’t REALLY like how she handles the timeline, it jumps around a little too much for my taste. We’re treated to constant flashbacks with little warning, including ones that could have been just as easily folded into the timeline proper. And, while Llewelyn has a rich, descriptive style, she also writes an, honestly, impressive number of lines that will haunt me for all the wrong reasons. I’ve detailed a lot of them under the readmore, but some highlights:

She had gazed in wonder at the child—his perfect ears and fingers, the miniature penis that would eventually become a mighty rod for transmitting further life.” This is, I’m sure, what every mother thinks when she sees her newborn son’s penis for the first time. Why. Why God. Why. Why. Why.

Okay, another candidate for Cursed Lines: "Richard noted the high color in her cheeks, and saw how her nipples stood out strongly under the soft fabric of her gown.” If this were a male author, I would be-Nah, it’s still bad. It’s just bad writing, I’m sorry. In general, I found that she massively sexed up Gráinne’s life, for no real reason that I can tell except for that it felt almost like she felt like it was necessary to prove that Gráinne was a Real Woman™? There’s a very....odd way that her sex life is treated, and it grates on me. We have to deal with Donal, Richard, Huw(uwu), Philip Sydney, and Tigernan, all in the course of one book and, honestly, I don’t really CARE about Gráinne’s sexcapades, and they’re generally written with so little development or feeling, even and especially in the case of her GREAT LOVE HUW, that I found myself actively groaning. My take on Gráinne, at least the Gráinne that I know in the sources, is almost asexual. I don’t deny that she had sex. She obviously did. (FOUR CHILDREN.) And I think that she might very well have enjoyed it. (Not that there’s enough evidence to KNOW.) But I also think that she was a profoundly pragmatic woman who didn’t fixate on it that much. Again, I could be wrong! When we have as little as we have to go on as we do with her, it’s impossible to know! But I just do not see her as jumping into bed with guys that often, especially not in cases where there was no clear benefit. There’s this...trend, where Gráinne HAS to have a love interest, in every major adaptation of her life, because it’s almost like people are afraid to have her without the anchor of sex and romance. (For what it’s worth - I do think, simply because of the amount of time that they spent together + the fact that they did have at least three children with one another, that Donal was probably her favorite of her two spouses. I don’t KNOW this, because I can’t. The evidence isn’t there. I don’t know whether they loved one another, whether it was a great romance, whether the sex was good, or even if it was just a mild affection, but I do lean towards him, even if I can’t say that he was the Great Love of Her Life™. I think they complimented one another’s lifestyles quite nicely, and that’s all that I can really give.)

Llewelyn also has a very, very obvious bias against Catholicism that ultimately makes me wonder whether she ever meant to engage with 16th century Ireland on its own terms. As an atheist in Celtic Studies....look, I can GET having many, many mixed feelings about Catholicism, but it WAS the religion of the land at the time. If you want to have ANY understanding of the people and what was going through their minds, you have to try to engage with them on their own terms. I’m not in any hurry to convert to Catholicism, but I do try to consider life through the eyes of medieval and early modern Catholics when I’m analyzing sources made in that time. And trying to separate it off from the Good Pagan Times, to the point of creating a 16th century druid woman to voice your opinions on free love/organized religion/etc. is just going to get you into disaster. (Though Evleen did give us one female character who is a friend to Gráinne, so...victory?) Bonus, by the way, for the Evil Priest who schemes against Gráinne and is fucking boys on the side. (It seems like they’re of age, at least?) We’re told that he has reasons for what he does, but it comes as a bit of a last minute attempt at creating the illusion of a three dimensional character. I feel like Llewelyn, ultimately, should have stuck to Pre-Patristic times. I shudder at what she would do with, say, the Mythological Cycle, I don’t particularly want her touching my baby (if she touched Bres in particular, I would probably cry) because, at this point, I don’t trust her with ANY medieval materials (mainly because they’ve all been CONTAMINATED by CATHOLIC HANDS, oh NO), but I feel like it’s where her heart truly is.

IF she’d stuck with pre-Patristic sources, we wouldn’t have to deal with 16th century characters thinking things like: " He would go in the style of his warrior ancestors, fearless in the face of death; the ancient, pagan Gaels had known death was only a brief incident in the ongoing flow of life, a transitory happening of little importance.” Admittedly, Llewelyn herself SEEMS to realize this, as she has him cross himself afterwards, but I really, really don’t think it would be the sort of thing to cross a man’s mind in the Early Modern Period. There was very little evidence for reincarnation that was that explicit (One of the papers that I did was on the existence of reincarnation in Pre-Christian Ireland, so I actually CAN speak on this one with some degree of confidence - My ultimate findings were that it probably did exist in some form, but the evidence makes it hard at times to draw definite conclusions), and I’m not sold that they would…understand it as reincarnation, as SUCH. We can look at what, say, Julius Caesar wrote about the druids’ beliefs and apply them to medieval Irish texts, but a man living in 16th century Ireland wouldn’t necessarily have the same luxury, especially since relatively few figures are given reincarnation narratives. It’s like…she’s applying the Mythological Cycle, but she momentarily forgets that these characters wouldn’t have VIEWED the Mythological Cycle like we would have, and it’s rather jarring. No one else might pick up on that, because this is my field. This is the ONE THING I can be pedantic on.

Now! There are some things I actually do like! Outside of Chambers’ questionable grasp of historical interpretation and the resulting taint, I can tell that Llewlyn did have a solid grasp of the FEEL of Early Modern Ireland. As I noted above, she’s a very fine author, the kind I honestly ENVY as a historical fiction writer, the type that is so confident and descriptive that, even when she’s wrong, which is often, I find myself reaching for the sources just to make sure. Her descriptions are vivid and visceral, pulling me immediately into the FEEL of Ireland in the 16th century, a way of life on the verge of collapse.

When she isn’t being descriptive in all the wrong ways as detailed above. I do feel, for whatever it’s worth, that as someone with the background in this material that I have, I was kind of doomed from the get-go. I THINK that for someone who isn’t a Celticist (in training), it would be much, much more enjoyable, BECAUSE she is so confident in her style and her way of evoking the mood that it wouldn’t really stick out. I happen to be both blessed and cursed in that regard.

It’s clear, as well, that she has a grasp on the literature of the time - References to the things like the first Gaels coming from Spain make my heart SING with joy because it’s a very clear allusion to Lebor Gabála Érenn and the Mythological Cycle, which is my specialty, and there are plenty of times that I can tell you EXACTLY what sources she had to hand while she was typing on a section. It’s just a pity to me that she seems to try so hard to toss it all away in order to bifurcate Early Modern Irish society into Pagan VS Catholic, since she fundamentally did betray her own sources there. And, unfortunately, the way she tends to show her research is about as subtle as a blunt nail, in a very “As you know” manner: See: “I have heard the brehons chanting the laws governing fosterage, describing every article of clothing that must be furnished a child and every detail of the training the child is to be given.” Like, yes, the law texts record this, but I can’t really see someone from the 16th century SAYING it that bluntly, you know? Also, I’m not really sold that they would be chanting it out loud as a ritual thing, rather that a lot of the law tracts are in a simple Question/Answer format because it would have, presumably, made it simpler for the Brehons THEMSELVES to remember that way.

I do like that Llewlyn’s Gráinne…she’s attractive, yes, but she’s not conventionally attractive, and she’s explicitly said to be big and tall as a man. I feel like a lot of pop cultural depictions of Gráinne want to make her dainty and beautiful, despite living in an incredibly harsh, stressful environment. I think that her outfit’s a little too much “Modern pirate”-y for my taste, but I’ll allow it because, tbh, it looks really, really badass and, whatever clothing Gráinne would have worn, we probably wouldn’t have really recognized it as “Pirate-like”, since our vision of pirates in the modern day is mainly an early 18th century one. I do appreciate that Gráinne has that hard, pragmatic edge that I respect in the Gráinne that we read about in the State Papers and in Bingham’s recollections - a very matter of fact, no nonsense woman who would do whatever it took to survive. Though I do think that she probably didn’t really spend that much time thinking about Elizabeth. It seems slightly unrealistic to me that, knowing how pragmatic Gráinne was, that she would really, really concern herself that much with Elizabeth, especially when she would have had powerful women like Iníon Dubh closer to home. There are some really nice, poignant moments as well that the hard edge masks, like the moment where she asks after a piece of hair that sent on to her son Owen. When Gráinne is in her natural element, having fun on the open sea, taking vengeance, and getting to be angry and proud and fierce, as well as the moments where she shows a softer side....those are the moments that make it for me. But then we’re back to the sex and romance, to the point where the book is literally divided by which man she’s screwing at the time.

Also, despite wanting to LOATHE Tigernan, as an OC love interest of Gráinne’s, I did find myself warming to him, as he has a nice, laid-back dynamic with Gráinne built on trust and filled with plenty of banter. Next to her, he is probably the single best developed character in the book, though, unfortunately, he does get it through a ton of space devoted to his thoughts, his pining for Gráinne, and his intense jealousy for the many times she chooses someone else over him (mainly because he never tells her he loves her and then he feels like she owes him for what he does for her - yes, there are some Nice Guy tendencies here, but, honestly, after about the second or third time this happened, I was very pro-Tigernan running away and finding a better gig for himself.) No, besides being Catholic and lower class, we don’t really have that MUCH on him outside of being Gráinne’s first mate, but, honestly....that’s still more characterization than the others get, and, at least as of Chapter 24, he hasn’t done anything TOO atrocious.

My PETTIEST of bitching/impromptu liveblog beneath the cut:

A VERY pedantic thing: Llewelyn says, multiple times, that the English would anglicize her name “Grace”. In reality, no one in Early Modern England did that, it came much, much later. In all the Letters of State, she’s referred to as “Grany” or a variation of that name - An English attempt at “Gráinne.” That’s also why you’ll notice that I tend to refer to her as Gráinne here - It was the name she was known by in her own time, it was the name her contemporaries called her, and so it’s the name I call her.

"He wore a full and drooping mustache in the old Gaelic style, though otherwise he was cleanshaven.” Again. MINOR nitpicking. The Gauls were the ones who, traditionally, we associate with the droopy mustaches. In the sagas, beards are given a TON of prominence, to the point of being the marker of being a man. So. Odd choice on Tigernan’s part there. I know that Llewelyn didn’t intend to write him as a 16th century Irish coxcomb, but…well.

"He realized he had made a bad mistake in referring to her peculiar relationship with her husband. He had been in the castle at Bunowen himself; he had seen with his own eyes that Grania’s belongings were taken to one bedchamber, and Donal O Flaherty’s were put in another. Many might speculate in private about the arrangement, but only a fool would have mentioned it to her face.” As I’ve mentioned before, I really, really don’t think this relationship was as loveless as it’s generally portrayed as. I don’t know whether they were PASSIONATELY in love (and unlike a certain biographer, I won’t try to fill in what I don’t know with what I WANT her to have had), maybe they simply got on, but they did have three LIVING children. And I underline “living” because there were likely more. “Likely more” means that they probably did regularly share a bed, at least as much so as their respective schedules allowed.

“Aye, and didn’t she put her children out to fostering before they could stand? A woman’s not usually that anxious to get away from her children that she takes to the sea to avoid them.” Given that fosterage could begin VERY early, I really, really don’t think anyone would have questioned this at all. Gaelic Ireland, simply put, often didn’t have our own conception of the nuclear family, and this was generously provided for in the law codes. Fosterage was useful as a way of maintaining ties between both neighboring families and, most especially, between kings and their vassals, with vassals often fostering kings’ sons. (That way, if the king should die with multiple possible heirs, it means that the kids have people backing them for the kingship.)

"I think that husband of hers had been crying poverty so loud and long he made her deaf to everything else” - Not to be #TeamDonal on main, but the facts as they’re recorded tend to have a strong pro-Donal bias. Take the words of his 17th century relative, Ruari O’Flaherty: "Of all the western O'Flaherties, Donel an chogaidh , although not the chieftain, was the most powerful and opulent.” Most. Powerful. And. Opulent. Yeah, Donal wasn’t crying poverty to anyone. Could he have been lying through his teeth? Maybe. Who knows? But this is ONE thing we have on Donal’s personality, recorded not too long after he died, by a historian who would have had close access to O’Flaherty sources. I believe him. And, I’d even be willing to commit the ultimate heresy and say that Donal’s success was not due entirely to his wife.

She does use the proper terms in a few places! Such as “rechtaire” for “steward”. (Io stem, masculine.)

“You are a noble Irishwoman, you go to no man’s bed unless you want to.” COMPLICATED. Arranged marriages were definitely the norm, and, in the legends, we get to see the unfortunate downsides of what happens when a woman is coerced into a marriage she doesn’t want, generally by an older man, while she is generally pining over a younger one. I wouldn’t say it was something that people LIKED, the fact that this entire genre exists is a pretty good example of people being like “DON’T DO THIS SHIT”, but I can’t say it didn’t happen. Examples of this include Fingal Rónáin, Tóraigheacht Dhiarmada agus Ghráinne, Longes mac n-Uislenn, Aided Con Roí, etc. I would not say that it was considered to be an IDEAL, it was something that was definitely warned against, but it could, in theory, happen. It wasn’t necessarily a legal form of marriage, but it was a form of marriage.

"Shorter than Cuchullain or Brian Boru,” PETTIEST of pettiest bitch complaints, but Cú Chulainn is generally described as short. I know, I know, not what she’s going for. But still. Let me be a petty bitch on this one thing.

“Times have changed,” he said impatiently. “Those are archaic luxuries, and luxury has worn thin here. Perhaps in Umhall there is still leisure for sitting around listening to bards, but it takes every resource I can command just to maintain my territory against those who constantly nibble at my borders.” MOST. OPULENT. AND. POWERFUL. Okay, but one thing that she does get right, and is right to emphasize, is the importance of the bard - chieftain relationship. This was really, really one of the key relationships in a chieftain’s life, to the extent where one of the privileges of the chief ollaimh was the right to sleep with the king in his bed. And yes, it was EXACTLY as homoerotic as it sounds. For a chieftain to not keep a bard - It’s actually a really, really stupid move on Donal’s part, not just for the sake of tradition, but because…who’s going to be there to remember him and keep his memory alive? Who’s going to write praise poems for him (and for Gráinne! The chieftain’s wife was often celebrated in verse.)

"Grania had brought a handsome marriage portion with her, her own property under the Brehon law, for a woman of her rank must be able to stand on equal footing with her husband.” Accurate - Gráinne would have, most likely, been a cétmuinter, or chief wife, under the law, and her union to Donal would have been a union of equal contribution. (Donal also might or might not have owed her a “Thank you for your virginity!” Present on their wedding night.)

“The priests are right in giving husbands authority over their wives,” he had shouted at her then, while she pleaded to be allowed to keep her babies with her longer. “The old Gaelic way gave women too much freedom altogether, and you are a fine example of the folly of that custom.” Kill me now, kill me now, kill me now, kill me now. This is just….GAR. GAR. Or, as Llewlyn likes to say every five seconds…*Dar Dia*. Suffice it to say, the question of how much freedom post-Christianity Ireland had for women VS Pre-Christian Ireland is an endlessly long topic that has to begin with how we define “freedom” and, specifically, which women get it. (Sucks to be a slave girl no matter what.) But also, while women definitely DID have power (EVEN POST-CHRISTIANITY, THANK YOU VERY MUCH)…that doesn’t mean that it was that COMMON, or that post-Christianity radically changed how (un)common it was. This is just…too blunt, too much of a caricature, and also happens to be insanely, insanely anachronistic. (Also: What would a 16th century chieftain really KNOW of the Old Gaelic Way? He would know about women like Medb, yeah, and he would probably see her as evil and uppity, depending on which stories he’d read - Though as a Connachtman, he would probably be inclined towards being on her side. But that doesn’t mean he would have really thought “Oh, yeah, pre-Christianity, women had SO MUCH power.” Lawlessness and chaos tend to be features of pre-Christian Ireland in the medieval writings, but I wouldn’t really say that liberated women….were? Especially because in those same writings you have women like Emer who, while distinct in their characterization, are still very much proper and chaste women who keep to the house.)

“I warn you, Grania—you will accede to me in this or I will send you back to Clew bay and denounce you throughout Connaught for a lack of womanly graces. Is that what you want, to be sent home rejected with your shortcomings shouted from the hills?”

“Who would believe such charges?” she had demanded to know, outraged at his unfairness.”

I’m just going to say it now: She could sue him SO MUCH in a proper Brehon court if she could get some witnesses to say that they heard him talking shit without cause. So. So much. So. Much. Donal would be losing a solid chunk of his goods. Though I will point out that, technically, since Gráinne isn’t sleeping with him, she isn’t doing her proper duties as a wife, laid out by the Brehon laws, and so, yeah, he could probably have a case against her. (For what it’s worth: If he was refusing to sleep with her, she could ALSO divorce him, with him explicitly being at fault and having to pay up. It was equal opportunity, in that sense.)

The Brehon law keeps being called “pagan” and…no. No non noon no. It had its origins in pre-Christian Ireland, likely, and that’s why a ton of legal scholars, with a few noted exceptions, tend to be strongly Nativist, but that doesn’t mean that, by Gráinne’s time, it hadn’t been more or less adapted into Christian marriage in Ireland, albeit sometimes semi-awkwardly. (For example: Polygamy was allowed, but the law very much privileged the rights of chief wives, including their right to toss their husbands out on their ear for taking in a woman over their head.) There’s this odd obsession in the book with Brehon Law =/= Christian Law, and that’s definitely not the case. You wouldn’t have had two marriage ceremonies, one under the church and one under the Brehon Law, because the Brehon Law would apply no matter WHAT. It’d be like forcing a couple to undergo a ceremony after their official wedding where a bunch of lawyers read out of a law book to them. It just wouldn’t happen.

“The Augustinian monks of Umhall, who taught me history in my childhood, explained that when the Romans left England and that land sank into barbarism, it was missionaries from Ireland who took God’s words to the British tribes and taught them to read and write.

“Perhaps they hate us, Donal, for being a more ancient and educated race. Perhaps they mean to drag us down by treating us as savages until we do not remember ever having been anything else. And along the way they can take our land from us with a clear conscience because we are only savages and deserve no better.”

On one hand, it DOES capture that note of PRIDE that tends to be there, loud and clear, in the texts, especially, say, Auraicept na n-Éces, which claims that Irish is a perfectly formed language, made from all the best bits of the Tower of Babel’s languages. (And….well….”The land of saints and scholars”. Ireland WAS a hotspot of monastic activity.) And, honestly, I support showing off the literary side of Ireland, since it doesn’t get discussed enough. That being said, no monk in his right mind would have said that it Irish missionaries civilized Britain. Why? Because Patrick came from Britain. Or, rather, Britannia, more accurately. He wasn’t an Englishman, not in the modern sense, he would probably be Welsh today, but he was from a monastic, educated family (despite claiming his Latin was poor in his Confessio, it’s actually quite good - Patrick was a MASTER at using humility as a rhetorical device).

"Grania slept naked. She liked her skin to breathe as she slept, not encumbered with a gown that would twist and bind.” “And then Gráinne froze her ass off because the nights in Ireland, even in the warm heat of summer, are cold and bitter as a Norseman’s frozen tit, if there were, in fact, any Norsemen in Ireland in the 16th century, and frequently require multiple blankets + a solid duvet. Gráinne then died of pneumonia several weeks later, making for a very short book.” Also. Again. If this were a male author. I would have committed a murder at this point.

Reference to saffron dye - NICE. This was really a staple of the clothing, for both men and women, to the extent that it features a LOT in accounts of Ireland at this time.

“By the paps of Danu!” No one. In 16th century Ireland. Would have shouted out “By the paps of Danu!” “By the Washington Monument!” “By the Lincoln Memorial!” “By the stunning cliffs of Oregon!” Sounds rather silly, doesn’t it? (Though if you WANTED to start shouting “BY THE LINCOLN MEMORIAL!” Well. I’m not here to stop you.)

"She was small for a Gaelic woman, and pale, a tiny wraithlike creature who exuded a contradictory air of resilient strength.” I’m not going to say that Chambers is WRONG, because, of course, Irish women come in a variety of shapes and sizes. You know, like people everywhere. But I WILL say that, during my time here, it’s the only time in my life that I’ve felt at home, because, for the first time in my life, I’m not short. Also, I want it on the record that now, whenever I see her, I’m picturing the little old woman who sits in on research seminars and who has the entire department scared shitless. Tiny, but MIGHTY.

"Her only ornament was a triskele of silver in an ancient pattern, suspended upon her flat bosom by a leather thong.” The Triskele is a Neolithic symbol used through the Iron Age, DEFINITELY not in use, in Ireland, by the Early Modern Period.

"“Evleen Ni Brien-“ That would be “Ní Bhriain” in modern Irish. Normally, I wouldn’t be THIS nitpicky, but hey, if you’re patting yourself on the back for the research you did and then can’t be bothered to put in a fada + the proper possessive form of “Brian”. I also don’t THINK that the “Ní” form had been adopted yet, I’m fairly certain that’s modern, so it would, more properly, be Evleen iníon Bhriain. Though, since it emphasizes that she’s from the Dál Cais and the O’Briens are predominately associated with them, I’m going to GUESS the proper form would involve her father’s name. It would be “Evleen iníon *possessive form of father’s first name* Uí Briain”.

"He had only heard whispers of such people, but enough tales still abounded concerning them to make them readily identifiable—even if this one did claim the noble name O Brien.” You know, in Reign, when you have a bunch of druids dancing in the forest and everyone was like “That’s fucking ridiculous!” Yeah. Yeah. That’s exactly how I feel right now. Druids DID last for some time in Ireland after Christianity, but not INTO THE 16TH CENTURY.

"“Of course not. But neither can I forget that it was the strictures of that faith which kept me bound in marriage to a man I learned to despise.” Divorce was still a thing. There was no problem, in theory, with getting married at a fully Catholic altar and then dumping them for getting jiggy with the serving girls a few years down the line. Llewelyn’s misunderstanding of the relationship that the Church and the Brehon laws BOTH played in the lives of people (SHOCKINGLY ENOUGH, the Catholic Church was NOT seen as pure evil by every day people at the time, who had to flee into the arms of the Brehons for comfort from Mother Church. Note that I’m saying this as a confirmed and strong atheist.)

Can I just say that the scene where Gráinne’s feeling up Hugh (the OC) in his sleep would be MUCH creepier if the genders were reversed?

"But he was not the man he had always been. He was some different person here.” Wow, the sex must be REALLY good!

"set in violet shadows that spoke of wonderfully sleepless nights.” Why is it that when I stay up doing an all-nighter, I end up looking like a raccoon going through its emo phase, but when Gráinne tumbles some random dude for a little while, she gets “violet shadows?” It’s not right, I tell you.

"“Was your marriage so bad, Grania, that you have turned your back on your own womanhood forever?” GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. Well. Now I know where The Pirate Queen gets its “Your ultimate worth as a woman and happiness in life is decided by whether or not you have a dick in you” philosophy. I wish I hadn’t known. But now I do.

“That’s the way it is with men,” he said. “They touch us. For the feel of strong arms around her and a solid chest to lean her head upon, a woman will put up with a lot of misery. It’s the curse of our skin to be hungry for the feel of a man’s skin.” GAAAAAAAAH. GAH.

"God the benevolent patriarch promises us rewards in the next world if we’re willing to sacrifice in this one. But maybe I don’t believe in patriarchs anymore.” Totally a thing that the real Gráinne Ní Mháille would have thought. Because women, in general, in the 16th century had the terminology to make these critiques in this exact way.

" If one satisfaction was snatched from her she would find another; if she lost love she would embrace hate, and glory in it.” Oh, god, not THIS motivation for a female character, please. Gráinne Ní Mháille was a hell raiser from birth, there’s no reason to think that, because she lost her boytoy, that really radically altered her life path.

“I wonder if Tigernan thinks you and I are damned,” she asked her husband. “We were wed in no chapel.” Given that there were nine degrees of marriage under the law, of varying types of legality, I doubt it.

Yay, exactly what this book needed: More sex!

I’ll be real: Richard Bingham playing Weddingcrashers at Margaret’s wedding only to nearly get his ass handed to him by two members of Gráinne’s family is truly an #Iconic moment. 10/10, if the rest of the book was like this I could die a happy woman.

"It was not an Irish face, but the eyes were unforgettable.” ….what is an “Irish face?” Especially post-Norman invasion? What does an Irish face look like?

“There are rumors he gained his inheritance by murder, and it is said outright that he and his mother between them drove his first wife into her grave.” Yay, the return of the Oedipus complex! My favorite thing in this book!

"Grania herself slept alone in a tiny walled guest chamber above, but she was aware of Richard sleeping in the same house. A strong man, sleeping naked in a bed … .

How people change, she thought to herself with amusement. This is definitely not the same Grania whom Donal an Chogaidh knew.”

Yay, MORE sex! MY FAVORITE THING. IN THE WORLD. BECAUSE YOU KNOW WHAT MY FIRST THOUGHT WAS WHEN I READ THE LIFE OF GRÁINNE NÍ MHÁILLE?"**MORE SEX**.”

" If Richard took her at all, he must take her under the old Gaelic concept of “marriage for one year certain” to see if they suited one another.” Ah, yes, the old Gaelic concept of marriage that mysteriously shows up in no legal texts, legends, or genealogical tracts. A very authentic Gaelic tradition, very old, much wow. (For what it’s worth….the Telltown marriages are as close as this comes, but the thing that makes them stand out is that everyone KNEW they were the oddballs.)

"According to pagan custom—which still lived in uneasy truce with Christianity in many parts of Ireland—there were ten degrees of marriage, all the way from a union between propertied partners of equal rank to union by abduction or the mating of the mad. From any of the ten a child could result, and the brehons therefore had allowed for every child’s rights to be recognized by the social order. No human containing an immortal spirit could be illegitimate.” The astonishing thing is that it’s very, very obvious that she read Cáin Lanamna for this…and then proceeded to not apply it to any other time except for when it was necessary.

"How can I be Grania if there is no Tigernan at my shoulder?” Yes, because we all know that the thing that really defined Gráinne Ní Mháille was, in fact, the men in her life.

"Evleen smiled. “At least it isn’t fettered with Christian chains,” she said. “You were wise.”” Oh, God help me. There’s no way to have a marriage in Early Modern Ireland not “fettered with Christian chains” because Christianity IS the religion of the people.

Remember when Gráinne was described as “More than master’s mate” to Richard Burke, implying a union that was mutually respectful? Yeah, me neither. I’m so glad he’s a one dimensional sexist with mommy issues. That’s such a new, innovative take on their relationship. I LOVE to see it. (Note: I’m saying this as someone who HATED Chambers’ blatant shipping in her biography, but hey. I can’t deny what the first hand evidence says. Unlike Chambers.)

" I’ll get the O Lee—he’s our ship’s physician, and at least he can-“ Unless the chieftain of the O’Lee family moonlights as a ship’s doctor, you wouldn’t call him The O’Lee. Just say “I’ll get Aidan O’Lee.” Or, even, “I’ll get the ship’s leech!”

“TAKE THIS FROM UNCONSECRATED HANDS.” I won’t say that all’s forgiven because, I’ll be honest, I really, really hate this novel at this point, but you know what? This forgives at least some of this novel’s sins. One of my favorite tales about her being brought to life on page by a very talented author does make for a high point, between this and Gráinne avenging the boytoy.

Okay, I’ll be real: The O’Donnell and Gráinne boasting about their respective kids is really, really cute, and I accept it because my very first exposure to Early Modern Ireland was “The Fighting Prince of Donegal.”

The O’Donnell talking shit about English poetry is…..very accurate to the time and the mood. My personal favorite genre of Early Modern Irish poetry is probably “The English aren’t shit.”

"Black Hugh nodded. Grania stood up, and Philip Sidney rose with her, as smoothly as if they were joined at the hip. Tigernan uttered a strangled curse. The sasanach was taking hold of Grania’s arm as if she were an old woman and he were a blackthorn stick for her to lean upon! Was that some English custom, insulting the strength of women? Or did he mean to grab her and make off with her?” Honestly, for once, Tigernan is a #Mood.

"But when Philip’s hands moved over her body, Grania discovered that all human landscapes have a certain similarity. She knew his touch as male, and hungry, and when she returned it in kind she felt a familiar rising response that flattered her and made her eager for more. Within the bed they did not seem to be foreigner and Gael. They were just man and woman, enjoying each other.” I ENDURED THE SEX SCENE WITH PHILIP FUCKING SYDNEY. SO THAT NO ONE ELSE HAS TO.

And, just like with Richard, no one can match up to Wonderful Boytoy Huw.

"She prances along the seaways as if she had a man’s balls, John, and by the bright blue eyes of God, it should be my hand that grabs those balls of hers and crushes them.”” Oh, GOD, I THOUGHT THAT THE PIRATE QUEEN’S MOST INFAMOUS LINE WAS JUST BAD LYRIC WRITING. I DIDN’T KNOW THEY TOOK IT *FROM THE NOVEL*. WHY, MORGAN LLEWELYN. WHY.

Look, I’ve made it to Chapter 24. There are 32 in total. I COULD read the rest of the way, since I want to see how poorly the treatment of Elizabeth is going to be (I’d be very shocked if there isn’t some variation of Not Like Other Girls involved), but also: I do not care at this point. I might pick it up again, but also: A bitch is tired. And illiterate. Perhaps, if I’m ever feeling brave, I’ll take on the last eight chapters, but for now: I’m calling it.

#long post #grace o'malley #gráinne ní mháille #chaos-yet-harmony

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bluinary · 5 years ago

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gag anime that you need to watch maybe

hi hello my name is juli and i will now gently guide ur attention to some top-notch shows, please pay attanetion

(this list is for people who don’t watch much anime or who are new to it. if ur a fucken weeb youve probably seen it all. dont @ me i want to help the kids)

ONE PUNCH MAN (the obvious 1st choice lol)

Genre: Action/ Shounen

Expectation: OP protagonist with riveting backstory fights to become the strongest hero, makes many friends along the way who recognize his talents and pure heart, big bad scary villains make him stronger

Reality: OP protagonist is already the strongest hero. His backstory? After fighting a lobster-man with nipples drawn on him with a Sharpie, Saitama decides to do a workout routine every day, and somehow ends up becoming the most powerful known being in the universe. His main issue is that now, he literally can take down any villain with a single punch, and he’s very bored of it.

Best Qualities: Animation is bomb, music is dope, humor is funnie, and Best Boy is a man whose superpower is riding a bicycle. Also Saitama egg head

If you were in a coma for all of 2015, this is the main thing u missed. Moving on.

Gekkan Shoujo Nozaki-kun (Monthly Girls’ Nozaki)

Genre: Romance/ Comedy/ Slice of Life

Expectation: Smol shoujo protag girl grows closer to her oblivious crush through a fated, if awkward, incident which reveals an embarrassing secret that has to be kept at all costs. Through one another they gain more quirky friends, help each other grow, and, eventually, the male lead realizes that what he needs has been beside him all along.

Reality: The crush writes romance manga, and that is literally all the man cares about. It’s not a secret, but when he told people they didn’t believe him. Nozaki and Sakura grow closer, but only because he confuses her confession with a request to be his Beta. They gain quirky friends through one another, but there is zero character development throughout the entire fucking cast. Every episode is run by Idiot Plot. All the characters share a singular brain cell. There’s a tall butch lady turning every girl in the school gay. Please watch

Best Quali-teas: Everyone is baby, lots of gay shenanigans, and toxic masculinity does not exist, the OP is pretty nice, too

I literally heard about this damn show, like, two months ago. This shit was released circa 2015. Pleeze watch

The Disastrous Life of Saiki K. / Saiki Kusuo no Psi Nan

Genre: Shounen/ Supernatural/ Fucking Everything tbh

Expectation: Slice-of-life supernatural where protag has psychic powers, albeit limited ones, and has to keep them a secret at all costs for fear of his safety. He has a few friends he loves and cherishes, and at least two girls who are in love with him that he has to choose between-- all of which are people he wants to protect from his double-life.

Reality: Kusuo is very aware that he is the protagonist of an anime, and he does not want to be. Born with pink hair? He rewrites the human genome to make colored hair normal. End of the world looming? He just keeps rewinding time so he doesn’t have to deal with it. Harem situation? He actively uses his powers to avoid all love interests at all times (see the above). The plot of each episode is him trying to stop the plot as quickly as possible without killing anyone. The main issue is that everyone around him is either dumb or just generally attractive to plot-driving circumstances, and they all, for some reason, want him to be in on their adventures.

Best Qualities: Heavy “me and the boys” energy, plenty of Idiot Plot, so funny that my 47yo mom who hates anime admitted that it’s funny, meta as fuck, occasionally sweet scenes, equally good dub and sub, Saiki is babie

The fandom for this shit is like. Nonexistent. Apparently it came out the same season as Mob Psycho 100, so that might be why. I almost didn’t watch it, but I got bored and it turned out to be a serious gem. Go watch if ur having a bad day, it will make u cry laughing

Sakamoto Desu Ga/ Haven’t You Heard? I’m Sakamoto

Genre: Slice of life/ Comedy

Expectation: God I don’t even know. I’d say a typical slice of life where the quiet kid is bullied but makes friends, there’s a love triangle as they grow up together through high school, yadda yadda, but look at this dude. I can’t imagine him being anything other than what he is-- a legend.

Reality: The entire show is just a question of how extra one man can be, and how well he can pull it off. Sakamoto is an “average” high school senior (in the sense that he has no supernatural abilities), but he’s....far more than that. He’s Sebastian Michaelis if he’d never been a demon. Everything always works out for him in the most ridiculous of ways-- he’s just that good. He makes a McDonald’s uniform look like Prada. He’s so smooth his bully ends up having a crush on him (and yes, it is a gay crush. no heteros in this show).

Best Qualities: lots of homo content. the side characters, inspired by Sakamoto’s grace, all become better people, and you root for them. The circumstances are always average, but the presentation is fucking riveting. Watch to send ur depression into remission.

Another one no one talks about????? U all were so busy with ur broku no hero macadamias and ur Nartoes that you slept on this. Now’s the time to take back what was lost. Love yourself and binge this shit.

Nichijou/ My Ordinary Life

Genre: Slice of Life/ Comedy

Expectation: Cute girls do cute, girly things and have fun with Their Close Good Friends (TM).

Reality: Cute girls get into very bizarre situations with extremely manic energies. Sometimes, the situations are normal, but the girls react in a bizarre, manic fashion. It will make you alarm-laugh.

Best Qualities: Adorable art style, little continuity, relatable as fuck

A nice little watch if you’re bored. I think the eps are on YouTube.

Pop Team Epic/ Poputepepiku

Genre: Only God Knows

Expectation: Probably a cutesy 4koma-type thing with 2 schoolgirls having shenanigans.

Reality: A regular acid trip with lesbian icons Popuko and Pipimi who are not schoolgirls, but gods. Like if Eric Andre and Hannibal Buress were turned into omnipotent anime icons. Watch at your own risk.

Best Qualities: Lots of unexpected parodies and references amongst a shitpost of a show. The OP is a bop. Popuko terrifies me, but also empowers me as a young woman because she will not hesitate to kill a bitch. She and Pipimi love each other a whole lot, so it is LGBTQ content, which is always a plus.

I’m sure you’ve seen this one floating around. It will make you feel fear, and then laugh. Now, finally...

Ouran Highschool Host Club

Genre: Romance/ Comedy

Expectation: The protagonist is a girl who is mistaken for a boy and must be the servant of six rich, handsome young men, all of which are in love with her, and her secret must be kept at all costs. A reverse harem anime with plenty of fanservice.

Reality: Haruhi is a genderfluid queen who doesn’t give a fuck what others think she is. Because she broke a Conveniently-Placed Vase and is relatably poor, she has to pay off her debt by being a host herself-- which means male-presenting when flirting with her female classmates to make her dough. The six rich, handsome young men all share three brain cells, and most of those cells go to the character who has one line per episode (usually, it’s “Yeah”. I hope that VA got paid well). The only love interest-- the “leader” and most popular of the six men-- is so dead-set on their club being his Found Family, he confuses his romantic feelings for Haruhi with paternal ones. This is obvious to everyone but him. He never gets the brain cells.

Best Qualities: Trans characters!! Lesbians!! Extreme “me and the boys” energy, except they’re all rich, so shenanigans skyrocket. Many 4th wall breaks. The most powerful Host looks like he’s 5. Any “fanservice” is never played straight. Takes the Found Family trope to a whole new level. Nice Parks & Rec-quality balance between hysterical and sweet. Everyone is in drag at some point.

I know all of us senior citizens grew up on this shit, but you younguns need to watch the classics to appreciate the newfangled stuff. I recommend watching when you’re in a cheesy rom-com mood.

Honorable Mentions:

I can’t count these as gag anime, but they’re still ridiculously funny.

Mob Psycho 100

Scissor Seven

Kill la Kill

Cells at Work!

Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure

Ones I haven’t seen but have heard a lot about

Osomatsu-san

Himouto! Umaru-chan

Azumanga Daioh

Gin Tama

Sgt. Frog

Okay that is all just limke put this in ur feel-good tag because these shows will make you happy and donut for get to like and describe to my channel, where I post literally nothing at all ever good night.

#anime rec list #shows to watch #anime #shitpost #tumblr memes #pls rec me similar ones in the replies y'all i need another hyperfixation #rn im just using saiki k jokes to get me through the day #also this took me so long to make???????????#i have no clue why. but pls reblog just for that reason #i feel like there's a whole wave of neo-weebs coming in from bnha and stuff and they must be....guided #oh and yes. jojo is a fucking comedy to me okay #i dont think many people actually take it seriously but if you do please know #i cannot. i fell on the floor laughing trying to explain one scene to my coworker #spring break ideas #too #if u need something to fill the time with #most of these are pretty damn short #my posts

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sharkwing · 4 years ago

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why do you like tmnt so much! im rlly interested cause you post so much about it and the style looks really pretty, but i wanted to hear about it some more!

Ooh you’ve opened the floodgates now!!! The answer for tmnt in general is that I LOVE modern day action adventure stuff, and most incarnations of tmnt scratch that itch in a way that balances lighthearted fun and meaty plot stuff really well. But Rise of the TMNT is my favorite, no contest, so I’m gonna talk specifically about that.

For context, the first version of TMNT I watched was the 2012 cgi cartoon. I like that version, it’s super nostalgic for me. But if TMNT 2012 is say, MCU Spiderman, Rise of the TMNT is it’s Into the Spiderverse. If you’re already a fan, it plays with the lore in really fun ways, and isn’t afraid to play with new spins on established characters (ex: one of the most popular side characters, who’s usually one of April’s love interests, is female in Rise!). If you’re NOT already a fan, it has gorgeous animation, endearing characters, fantastic writing, and a really cool aesthetic.

There’s also a shift from mostly straight Sci-Fi to Science Fantasy with the heavy involvement of creatures called Yokai. Yokai have been present before, but this time they’re front and center from the start—in Rise, a Yokai named Baron Draxum wants to wipe out humanity, who he believes to be a threat to his kind, by using alchemy to mutate humans into Yokai themselves. (Three guesses as to how the turtles came to be in this version.) The humans that get mutated are also handled really well. Most of them are villains, but unlike TMNT 2012, Rise...actually gives a shit about them? They appear often, are developed fairly well, and there’s some really nice subtle and environmental storytelling about how they’re all dealing with their mutation in different ways. Some of their lives are ruined, some of them straight up don’t care and go about business as usual, and for others it’s a mixed bag. New York is a weird place, and most of the regular human characters are just as weird and interesting as all the mutants and ninjas and stuff. It’s fun and dynamic, and honestly? Some of them look way better as mutants anyway (lookin at you, Hypnopotamus).

What really pulls me in is the characters. I love the boys in pretty much any incarnation, but like I said, Rise isn’t afraid to try new things with established characters. Leonardo (the blue one) is normally the oldest and the leader, and that’s...pretty much it for most versions of Leo. Rise shifted leadership and the oldest bro position to Raphael (the red one, hotheaded fighter). Not only do we get to see a new side of Raph, I’m not exaggerating when I say that now that Leo has room to breathe, this is the most personality he’s EVER had. Pretty much all the boys are extremely well developed and each have individual relationships with *each other* beyond being a team of heroes, something that’s missing from a lot of other incarnations.

Imo, the best change is the one that probably put the most old fans off of the show initially: Splinter, the turtles wise but distant father and sensei, is now...kind of a dirtbag, initially? In his first few appearances, he doesn’t do much aside from laze around in front of the TV. He doesn’t even seem to remember his son’s names. But the emphasis of this show is Character Development with a capital C-D, and by the end of its (unfortunately abbreviated) run he’s kind of the coolest version of Splinter there is, not to mention the best dad.

Unfortunately Rise of the TMNT was recently “paused” by Nickelodeon, and the crew was given six weeks to write a four episode finale to conclude the current storyline. For all intents and purposes, it’s been cancelled and is unlikely to return. This was apparently due to “a change in leadership with different priorities” rather than any fault on the show’s part, which is very frustrating. But! There’s a Rise of the TMNT movie in the works at Netflix, and some fans are hoping that they’ll pick it up for a series continuation. Idk how likely this is, but Netflix already streams Rise in Canada, and stranger things have happened. And even if Rise doesn’t return, I highly recommend giving it or even the 2012 version a watch! If you liked teen titans you’ll probably like 2012. Tmnt has a lil something for everyone, and I hope ya check it out!

#LONG POST IM SORRY #rottmnt #anon #tmnt #shark.txt #ask

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snkpolls · 5 years ago

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SnK Chapter 125 Poll Results

The chapter 125 poll closed with 1,469 responses. Thank you for your support! This month’s poll results were compiled by /u/alooulla, /u/_Puppet_, @shifter-lines and @momtaku��.

RATE THE CHAPTER 1,387 RESPONSES

While still overwhelmingly positive, and slightly improved over Chapter 124, the “wow” factor still wasn’t there for many. Those selecting a perfect five was less than half of respondents (49.3%).

Transitions were unbelievably good, hardly noticed we were at 5 different scenes this chapter.

Not really hype like some chapters have been, but it was wonderful to see all the character and story development.

Created a number of different plot threads, but was not as satisfying as recent chapters

Everyone in this chapter (except Flock) deserves love

Good chapter, juggles lots of POVs excellently and opens up multiple opportunities for where the story may go. I love how desperate everything is.

Beats gonna drop soon

Jean honey if you push Floch out the hole in the wall everyone will swear it was an accident

WHICH OF THE FOLLOWING WAS YOUR FAVORITE MOMENT? 1,421 RESPONSES

They only appeared on two pages, but “Levi and Hange are back” was the top pick out of a long list of options with nearly one-third (27.7%) selecting them. “Armin and Mikasa’s argument” secured second (14.3%) and “Annie and Hitch together” (12.6%) round out the top three.

LEVI AND HANGE ARE BACK! OMG!!!

I loved Annie's backstory, the conversation between Floch and Jean, the talk between AM, Shadis, mr Leonhart, literally everything.

I loved hearing Annie and Hitch talk, and the Levi and Hange situation finally got addressed :)

I'm so happy to see Levi and Hange, and so happy that they've run into Pieck and Magath. I hope they can reach some kind of truce and work together.

Floch is the Queen of Paradis confirmed.

Shadis once again made this chapter for me. What a great, deep speech. He is a true hero.♡

WHO WAS THIS CHAPTER'S MVP? 1,416 RESPONSES

While denied the favorite moment, Annie was the favorite for chapter MVP with more than one-quarter of respondent (26.6%). Hitch, the other half of the girl power duo, made a strong showing (19.6%) for number two. Most shocking perhaps is that Hange (13.6%) squeaked out a narrow victory over Floch (12.6%) for third.

Annie is the best girl

Floch did nothing wrong

Hitch nipping at Historia's best girl-crown

HAAAAAAAAANGE

ANNIEEEEE A AAAAA AA A AA A A A A A A MY GIRL

Floch is such a crazy piece of shit, I love him, he's a great villain and I'm glad that Isayama added a character like that to the story. Also, funny with how he represents the rabid Eren stans, parroting the bs they keep saying ("we're free now reeeeeee").

S H A D I S T H E C H A D I S

Hange my queen how the hell did you save Levi, I wanna know!!

Hitch yeeting Annie made me scream, I love them together so much.

My babes Shadis and Magath are BACK!! 😍

So happy to see Hitch back. She is such a fun character and so underrated!

THE CHAPTER OPENS WITH RESIDENTS OF STOHESS REACTING BOTH POSITIVELY AND NEGATIVELY TO EREN’S ACTIONS. WHICH EXPRESSION OF THE CROWD ARE YOU MOST SYMPATHETIC TOWARDS? 1,416 RESPONSES

The citizens of the walls are as divided as the fanbase over Eren’s actions. 36.7% are on the side that says the Eldians on the island would all be dead without Eren, while 34% respond with the fact that he’s responsible for many of their deaths himself. 25.1% don’t want to side with either faction.

“You can’t make an omelette without breaking a few eggs”

Both are right and wrong at the same time…

Both sides are ignorant as to what is actually happening so it is difficult to gauge who actually feels what they do considering their limited knowledge but I'm edging towards the justification of it.

Eren has planned this all along, he knows there will be no true peace by doing the rumbling and has some kind of third goal

Even if the first expression is true (and no one can say if it is or not for sure) it doesn't make the belligerents right, or mean that Eren shouldn't be held accountable for his actions

Both sides are justified. Both sides reacted according to their personal views in response to an outside force they had no control of.

I sympathize with both. One on hand, it seems as though the wall titans were the only effective retaliation the island had left, but on the other hand, Eren did kill many of his own people and aiming to wipe out the rest of the world is definitely pretty extreme for even Eren. That's why I think there's still a HUGE part of his plan that we haven't been made aware of yet.

There's no real right answer here. Obviously genocide is bad and no one can deny the fact that Eren killed his own people but, what other options were available in the limited time they had?

Whatever your thoughts on The Rumbling, Eren is being extremely reckless and it's going to backfire like crazy. Member when Erwin pulled off an almost-bloodless coup? I have a feeling Ereh is too preoccupied with thoughts of PATHS and FREEDOM to really consider the consequences of stuff like civilian casualties or letting a fascist cult take over the government.

What the tic tac patty wack snick snack quarterback big mac heart attack race track double back guy named jack did he just do?

Sasageyo

ANNIE BACKSTORY! WHAT DID YOU THINK? 1,420 RESPONSES

Annie’s finally back! And she sure got a lot of page time, finally getting her chance to speak her story. The majority thought seems to be that it was okay, at 60.3%, whereas 33.2% absolutely loved it, and 6.5% thought it was a waste of time.

Develops her character a bit but otherwise not too important

we got an entire Annie backstory and it answered NONE of my questions about the crystal. If its purpose was just to protect her like the Warhammer's crystal, and she was semi-conscious -- why couldn't she escape it on her own? Is there something unique about the Female Titan? Was it a chrysalis? Has she undergone a metamorphosis?

I'm just glad Annie's back

I really liked it and especially the Annie focus although I expected more from her justifications.

Don't care for her this late in the story tbh it's just a waste of pages

this chapter confirmed that Annie is the best character of SNK !

It was pretty much exactly what I expected, fairly boring and didn’t change my perception of her character at all

This puts so much context on the murders she committed back in the female titan arc and her personality in general. This is so great! Waited forever for this

I especially liked learning Annie's entire backstory, and her interactions with Hitch in this chapter were great.

Lil' Orphan Annie deserves more spinoffs. We need one about her awkward preteen years trying to fit in with the popular girls while continuously kicking them in half by accident.

MY GIRL ANNIE DESERVES MORE.

AFTER CONSIDERING HER STORY, WHICH THOUGHT MOST CLOSELY MATCHES YOUR OWN? 1,410 RESPONSES

There sure was a lot to consider in all Annie said, and the two primary thoughts seem to be a feeling of tragedy that she never felt that anything mattered, and a hope that she’ll see her father again, at 23.7% and 22.6% respectively.

Can't forget what she has caused, but glad she found meaning in life.

I hope she can find peace

I understand her reasoning, but her saying she'd do it all again hurt a lot.

Interesting plot point, but was it really necessary? Kinda felt like forced drama to add this "adoptive child" thing.

Is it wrong to wish for her happiness?

It may mirror Eren's motives. To her, nothing else matters except returning to her father, not even other people's lives. If Eren is intent on protecting his friends, then other lives wouldnt even matter.

It's interesting how seems similar she is to Reiner but how different they actually are. Annie is nihilistic and realistic because the lack of love, Reiner is idealistic and longing for love in a tragic way because he fantasize the love which doesn't exist

Annie has always been, in my opinion at least, one of the most honest characters, and I'm glad we can see that her core hasn't changed (but I’m so happy we can hear her talk and that we are finally getting some character development). Unlike Reiner and Bertolt, Annie never pretended to be friends with the Shinganshina trio, she never acted more nicely than she felt she should. She kept to herself and did what she knew she had to do. But this does not make Annie cold or resilient to atrocities; when she was manipulated by Reiner to take off Marco’s 3D maneuver gear, we can see she doesn’t do it easily and she does show remorse, in spite of everything. All of the SnK characters are tragic, some more than others, and for me, Annie is probably one of the most tragic ones. Adopted, trained to become a killing machine, completely alone with no one to really rely on once she joined the army, Annie goes towards her goal, stripping every bit of romanticism from the notions of peace, good vs bad governments, Marley, Eldia, humanity, etc. Annie does not fight, or pretend to fight, for the greater good; as perceptive as always, she sees the situation for what it is, just like she sees people for who they really are. I hope this brave young woman gets a happy ending with her dad.

DO YOU FIND IT REASONABLE THAT ANNIE HAS BEEN SEMI-CONSCIOUS IN THE CRYSTAL ALL THIS TIME 1,411 RESPONSES

Hitch sure was surprised that Annie had actually been listening to her all that time, but the fandom wasn’t. 86.3% found it reasonable, but 10.7% still aren’t convinced it makes sense.

Considering we had Ms. Tyber being aware of her surroundings in her own crystal, looking back on that it's like "oh yeah that seems legit". Granted I'm sure Ms. Tyber had practiced the technic to use it in battle proficiently. But it doesn't seem too out there for Annie to be at least semi-conscious

Honestly no. But this story has people transforming into giant monsters so I can't really complain.

I find hard to believe she is not crazy. Being unable to move in darkness for 4 years with only voices to keep her company is pretty brutal.

I'm wondering how her body condition is near to normal.

It reminds me of ymir being a mindless titan for 60 years

Wall titans also seemed to be semi conscious if I remember the original scene with eye movement and fear of light energizing them.

P A T H S

ANNIE WAS COVERED WITH SOME SORT OF FLUID THAT DOESN’T SEEM TO BE EVAPORATING. WHAT DO YOU THINK IT IS? 1,408 RESPONSES

We ended last chapter on Annie in a pool of this liquid, and this time we see Hitch follow it to where Annie is. But… what is it? 66.2% think it has something to do with the crystal’s hardening, 15.2% DO NOT want that knowledge, and 11.6% think it’s a human bodily fluid.

A fluid to keep her alive (something like the lcl in evangelion)

Amniotic fluid is the warm, fluid cushion that protects and supports your baby as they grow in the womb.

a liquid that makes her body hibernate so she can stay alive

I think it's a weakened form of the hardening. Perhaps it was also this fluid around the creature in the well from Ymir's backstory.

If I recall correctly, some crystals do have water in the form of “hydrates” so in theory, the fluid in Annie’s crystal is what kept her alive by supplying nutrients and and water to her body. Because of this, the fluid may have possibly come from Annie’s Titan as it formed the crystal around her.

amniotic fluid - some unique property of the Female Titan

Tears of readers who waited too fucking long for Annie to break through

Armin juice

WHERE DO YOU THINK HITCH AND ANNIE ARE HEADING? 1,408 RESPONSES

So many groups in so many places! Where is this one going to end up? A little over half, at 55.9% think they’ll run into another group before they get to a specific destination, about a quarter at 23.4% think Shiganshina, and 19.2% think the port.

Following the Colossal Titans

Honestly it was very reckless of hitch to let Annie go. If she causes more trouble for Paradis then what will she do

Based on them leaving Stohess in the same direction as the colossal titans it is likely they will pass through Trost. They will continue south towards Shiganshina and maybe the port but on the way they will likely run into Hange, Levi, Pieck and Magath, or Connie, Falco, Armin and Gabi.

Kiyomi's plane

Marley, to Annie’s father

To Historia

WHAT ARE YOUR THOUGHTS ON THE STATE OF THE ELDIANS IN LIBERIO? 1,399 RESPONSES

We jump across the ocean, only to find Mr. Leonhart starting a rebellion in Liberio! About half feel there’s going to be an absolute bloodbath, 32% are glad they’re finally rising up, 11% are focused on Mr. Leonhart being a badass, and 6.1% are scratching their heads as to how this is relevant.

I feel it's setting up for eldians in all internment zones rising up, although i don't know what significance that would hold if they're gonna be flattened like pancakes anyway

I'm actually glad because while I have still and always despised the Warriors, Annie's dad felt relatable to me, good to see non-powered, regular citizens rise up against the enemy

Isayama stop trying to be clever with names is there a single part of this series you haven't put thought into?

It is rather unsettling to see since it all seems to head towards a massacre although the reactions of the Eldians are understandable and sound.

It makes sense why they'd rise up: they know what's coming, and they just want to get to safety. After all, they should be spared from the Rumbling because of their race. As expected of the Marleyans though, they won't listen to the Liberio Eldians' current plea, and it will surely cost them (the Marleyans).

The Marleyans are comically dumb it's not even funny; I mean why would they orchestrate a revolt now

This was Eren's plan all along, he wants Eldians everywhere to rebel under the threat of the wall titans.

Why should we care about what happens to anyone outside the Walls? This scene was totally unnecessary.

Worldwide Eldian Rebellion I am excited

I'm worried about them! :(

WILL MR. LEONHART SURVIVED THE SCUFFLE WITH THE GATE GUARD? 1,408 RESPONSES

A somewhat interesting split here; though most responders think there’s more to come with Annie’s father and being killed by the gate guard wouldn’t be the right way for him to go, especially with unfinished business with his daughter. The next highest response was ‘I am not sure’ followed by ‘No he won’t survive’ with a still respectable 24.7% of the vote. One to keep an eye on, here.

Weird that she wants to return home so much just because her dad was nice to her for a few minutes (he's been torturing her all her life).

It had some very much needed character development for A LOT of characters. I can't wait to see how certain plot points like Connie's mom and Annie's wish to see her dad will be resolved.

I saw some parallels between Mr. Leonhard vs. the guards and volunteers vs. Floch. Anarchy reigns; power struggles everywhere, yay! I want to see Mr. Leonhart leading a rebellion. I want to see Eldians all over the globe rising up and busting out of internment zones. Also - we got an entire Annie backstory and it answered NONE of my questions about the crystal. If its purpose was just to protect her like the Warhammer's crystal, and she was semi-conscious -- why couldn't she escape it on her own? Is there something unique about the Female Titan? Was it a chrysalis? Has she undergone a metamorphosis? Will it even matter if Ymir is freed from her sand slavery and refuses to transform any more titans? Still -- it's interesting that Annie was adopted, and I have to wonder if her lineage is important. Final thought: I'm growing tired of Isayama sidelining people by having them unconscious/uncommunicative. I get why he may want to render some characters unable to affect the plot at certain points but 'unconscious' is his go-to and I'm losing patience with it. Okay, Historia got stuck with 'pregnant' but I lost patience with that ages ago. Wake up already, Reiner. Say something, Levi. At least Falco's awake again. And Annie, for the love of Eldia, please explain your crystal.

Speaking of Mr. Leonhart, he may be crippled and defeseless against the Marleyan guards, but at least he wasn't swayed by fatalism against his current government unlike Jean/Armin.

WHAT DID YOU THINK OF KEITH’S ADVICE TO THE TRAINING CORPS MEMBERS? 1,394 RESPONSES

Instructor Shadis is still instructing, and 46.1% of you are still chanting SHADIS THE CHADIS. 23.5% loved his advice, 16.5% enjoyed the callback to being a bystander, and 12.1% wish he’d encouraged them to rise up.

Foreshadowing that they‘ll overthrow Eren and Floche.

He gives up too easily. I don't like this.

I'm glad he told them not to fight the Yeagerists but for the wrong reasons

Shadis doesn't want them to risk their lives, understandable, but giving Floch&Co time to gain even more power is not a good idea.

He's being smart and cautious because they've had enough losses for now

By far the best piece of advice he could have given them. Not is it only the most reasonable thing to do in the current situation, but it also goes to show how much Shadis values life and how well, thanks to his experience, he can see what the future might bring. When he thought fighting was a viable option, he wanted the trainees and soldiers alike to dedicate their hearts (and he dedicated his own as well), but now when he sees that they’re clearly getting overpowered and that any form of resistance would inevitably lead to death, he advises them to stay put, but not lose sight of themselves. That’s what a good leader/ elder/ parent does. Despite the fact that he failed as commander and that he was usually the only one to come back from his missions outside the walls, he shows that he has learned a lot and can strategize and draw the right moves. And it even reminded me of Levi, this desire to not waste lives. And Shadis is special, I just wish he’d realize that along with many others. Unfortunately, a very underrated character.

I am hyped to see these characters actually amount to something because of chadis!

A giant death flag.

WAS ARMIN IN THE RIGHT TO RAISE HIS VOICE AT MIKASA? 1,402 RESPONSES

Armin has returned to being shell-shocked like he was in Shiganshina, and he took it out on Mikasa, but was he justified? Just over half don’t think he was justified, but don’t blame him for snapping. 23.9% believe it was the right choice to try to make her more independent. The last two options are tied at 10.3%, saying he was completely in the wrong, and the other saying he was justified in that Mikasa needs to focus on more than Eren.

Armin has been the one others rely for guidance, however at this point he seems stressed and probably over thinking (when he refers back to Erwin).

Armin just reached his breaking point. So much has happened in one day, and he needed to rant.

Asking ANYONE to stop thinking about Eren right now is pointless, let alone Mikasa. He was wrong, but stressed out.

Both. She needs to be encouraged to make her own decisions, but he didn't need to be mean about it. She has always been nice to him.

Feel like many are misunderstanding mikasa's comment about eren. He is the biggest concern so why shouldn't she mention him? Personally I don't think she was still in eren obsessed mode.

That's a complex question. Everyone is stressed right now, especially Armin, feeling guilty for being brought back and feels so much weight on his shoulder to be a leader so to say. So it reasonable for him to yell and it might spark something in Mikasa as well.

Armin needs a nap, a warm bath, and a foot rub.

WILL MIKASA START ‘THINKING FOR HERSELF’ NOW, AS ARMIN SUGGESTED? 1,395 RESPONSES

Mikasa’s character development is being pushed to its tipping point now, will Armin’s words make her start thinking for herself? The majority, at 56.3% think that leadership isn’t her style, but she’ll step up and support what she feels is right. 18.6% feel that she’s already made the step into thinking for herself, and the last two options are split at 11.3% between a full ‘yes she’ll finally step up’, and a full ‘she’s always thought for herself.’

Armin: think for yourself! Mikasa: Where is my scarf?

Hopefully, I want to see more independence. Assertive and confident in her actions.

I don't know if she'll able to think for herself. maybe she will do something, but I guess whatever she will do on her own, I don't want to expect much from her. Anyway I have the feeling that Mikasa's own decision could be that she accepts Kiyomi's offer and leaves Paradis because the whole situation is obviously killing her.

I hope Isayama has something special planned for Mikasa's development

Mikasa has always thought for herself. She’s never been a leader, but she’s always followed her own hearts desires. Nobody knows what to do and for once it was actually reasonable for her to ask about eren, given what he’s about to do to the world.

Mikasa isn't wrong to look to Armin for leadership, but when she brings up the elephant in the room, he flies off the handle at her. But ultimately, I think that Armin is right. She'll have to make decisions based off her own judgement and I'm excited for it.

I kinda doubt that. She went to Jean, because Armin told her so and I don't think that she would do anything in the situation between Jean, Floch and the Volunteers. If she would be able someday to make her own decision, I'll think that could be to do with Kiyomi's offer to go on one of her ships, but we will see.

I think she will be an impromptu leader, similarly to what she did at Trost after eren got eaten by the santa titan

Mikasa did nothing wrong, she tried to take advice instead to run somewhere else like Connie or give up like Jean.

Yes she’ll become more independent. I think itll lead to “see u later eren”

AT THIS POINT, ARMIN STILL THINKS ERWIN WAS A BETTER CHOICE TO REVIVE. DO YOU? 1,391 RESPONSES

The question of whether Armin or Erwin should have been revived in Shiganshina proves to be one of the most contentious issues in the series, nearly on par with when we asked you guys what you think of Eren’s (stated) plan. 52.2% of you are Team Erwin, and 47.8% are Team Armin. Regrettably, I can’t make a good joke out of either of those numbers.

I've said it before, but I think Armin was the best person to revive from a story telling point of view. Erwin was the better leader, no doubts there, but it is the lack of him that has pushed all these other characters to develop more. I believe the relationships between characters and the characters themselves would've remained more static if he had still been there. So therefore, Armin was the right choice

Erwin wouldn't have let any of this happen

WHO TOOK THE SCARF? 1,403 RESPONSES

There could only ever be one winner of this question; given the girls fandom of Eren in general and Mikasa in particular, 72.5% of you picked Louise as the scarf thief, particularly since she knew it was there and gave it a look after Mikasa left. The next highest answer was Eren having sent someone to retrieve it, at 13.8%, followed by ‘someone else at 9.1%, with Floch and Jean respectively taking up other minor answers. I look forward to the questions in the future of why the scarf was taken, and how will it affect the story?

Oh, and Louise definitely has the scarf. I think there will be a confrontation over it and Mikasa will Realise Things, so that's cool.

Louise totally stole that scarf.

WHICH NAME IS BETTER? 1,395 RESPONSES

808 of 1,395 of you came out to represent Gabi Gang, while the remaining 587 of you like Mia better. Mia Myriad? Eh. Mia Myriad’s weird. I like Gabi Gang better.

WHAT'S UP WITH JEAN WHEN FLOCH IS TALKING TO HIM? 1,399 RESPONSES

Floch tells Jean he can finally have the life he always wanted, what was Jean feeling at that moment? 40.5% think he was just totally shell-shocked, 30.4% think he;s faking weakness for a plan, 16.4% think he had an epiphany about Eren based on what Floch said, and 10.7% believe him to be considering what Floch has to say.

Definitely debating whether or not to kick his head in-- once he's decided I think he'll pounce

he has been asking over and over for how long they would have to keep fighting. So Floch telling him is over has a great effect on him. Although he will chose to keep fighting.

He is bothered that the Yeagerists consider him a “hero”

He is in disbelief over how AWFUL Floch is and once his brain processes it he will snap and punch the bastard in the face

He's both in shell shock and trying to fake weakness.

I think he's coming up with some sort of plan to finally rid the world of Floch.

Jean looks so tired in these panels, as in physically tired and mentally. He probably wants this all to be over, and Floch is giving him a way out. But Jean has come too far to give up, I think, so I hope he turns his brain back on.

ARE THE ROCKS THAT GO MISSING WHEN FLOCH TURNS HIS HEAD AN ARTISTIC OVERSIGHT OR DOES IT HAVE FUTURE SIGNIFICANCE? 1,406 RESPONSES

THE ROCKS ARE GONE. About half of the fandom, at 46.2% are pretty sure Jean pocketed them to use as a weapon. 29.7% did not notice the disappearance, and 24.2% think it’s just Isayama overlooking an inconsistency.

Bitch boutta throw some rocks

I hope Jean can something do too otherwise the Volunteers would get forced to fight for Eren and to help him destroying their own motherlands (oof) or get killed. I hope the theory about the pocket rocks get relevant and true in the next chapters

Floch be a bitch with a nest boutta get moulded by rocks

Getting ready to bash floch

there was a gun next to him and then it was gone. The boy boutta blooooow

FLOCH CLAIMS THAT EREN TOLD HIM THE ENTIRE PLAN. IS HE TELLING THE TRUTH? 1,399 RESPONSES

Eren doesn’t seem to have confided his plan in anyone, but Floch says otherwise. 60% confess Eren likely told him a fair bit, but not everything, 32.9% think Floch’s just BSing his way through things to look better, and 5.6% truly believe Eren told Floch everything.

Eren is the only one who knows his true plan, anyone that claims to know what Eren is doing was just a pawn that Eren used.

Eren probably forgot who Floch even is

Considering how Eren is acting now, I fear he did tell him everything after seeing his extremism.

Floch believes Eren told him everything, but he probably didn't.

floch is an arrogant bitch who thinks eren and him are best buds

I mean, the plan so far seems to be 'let's retrieve Zeke, overthrow the government and unleash the Rumbling', so why won't he tell Floch all of it? He seems to be fully on board. If there is more to the plan, then Floch doesn't know it.

I'm still not sure how much of Eren's betrayal of Zeke he was in on, but I'm damn sure Eren didn't task him with any 'removing internal resentment' job.

Jean knows he has more of Eren's trust than Floch does. From this, Jean figured out either Floch is lying for his own gains, or is being used by Eren.

Floch is just a dumbass and Eren is using him to get the necessary pieces into place without him doing it all himself

Something tells me Floch actually just overheard Yelena talking with Eren about Zeke's plan during the railway opening ceremony. I could've sworn that in the chapter Floch mentioned that he "heard" Eren's plan, and the way he uses that word gives me the impression he only listened to parts of what Yelena told Eren without knowing what Eren's ulterior motive was when learning Zeke's plan.

That’s certainly what he *thinks*

Eren is manipulating Floch's ass six ways to sunday and I'm here for it

WHO DO YOU THINK WILL BE THE ONE TO TAKE DOWN FLOCH? 1,398 RESPONSES

From previous polls, Floch seems like a popular choice to die next, but who would do it? Nearly ¾ of that fandom believe Jean will end him, though 6.5% don’t believe Floch’s dying anytime soon. Eren, Mikasa, Shadis, and Yelena were other popular options.

Could be anyone at this point, really. Would be cool if it was just some random volunteer and the death would be meaningless.

Better not be anyone, Floch is making way more sense than Armin

Armin

I hope no one does, he's the most entertaining character at the moment

I really hope all of the above and I hope it'll be a gruesome death.

King Floch is the father and will outlive the rest of the 104th.

Let him be squashed under a Titan foot, pls

Nobody, Floch will be the only survivor of the rumbling

HISTORIA! QUEEN!!!! How is the rightful ruler of Eldia not a choice here?!

I hope he doesn't die at least next chapter, because him dying is too predictable. But if he does it should be Jean.

I HOPE IT'S EITHER LEVI OR HANGE. But I think it's probably going to be Jean.

I think floch is going to have an utterlessly meaningless death. Just to show the irony that surviving that day didn't change shit.

I think since he survived on pure luck and destiny up until now, I could imagine his death will be more by accident or by unfortunate circumstance then someone else succeeding to kill him

SHADIS THE CHADIS no but actually probably Yelena or Mikasa.

The 109th Recruits

Onyankopon, Jean and Mikasa, I hope.

Who knows. Hope he dies.

ZEKE JAEGER

Isayama

It'll be a team effort

CONNIE AND FALCO ARE EN ROUTE TO RAGAKO. WHAT DO YOU THINK THE OUTCOME WILL BE? 1,398 RESPONSES

Bets for the Return to Ragako arc are placed, and the majority (~43%) of you think that the overwhelming scent of cinnamon wafting from Falco will entice Connie to spare him. Not far behind, with 30.5% of the votes, is the prediction that Armin and Gabi will swoop in and save the day. The next most popular option was Falco feeling the sudden urge to die for Reiner, causing him to transform and escape. Following that was Falco realizing his predicament without getting his memories back, and after that, a very small amount of you guys (18), think Falco’s gonna get chomped.

Connie finna die

I can't think of how bringing back Connies mom will save Reiners life, so it won't happen.

Is it weird that I think Connie's mom has already turned back to human?

WHICH UNLIKELY TEAM-UP IS THE MOST EXCITING? 1,391 RESPONSES

An overwhelming majority of you guys are most excited to see the Magath/Pieck/Hange/Levi squad team up, while the distant runner-up is Hitch/Annie, followed by Armin/Gabi, and then Connie/Falco. I can’t imagine why Connie/Falco got the least votes here.

WHICH TEAM, IF ANY, DO YOU THINK WILL MEET WITH HISTORIA? 1,384 RESPONSES

With a 31.6% majority, the… quad...duo… quaduo? That’s definitely not a word but it should be, technical definition pending. What I’m trying to say is that Team Magath/Pieck/Hange/Levi got the most votes for “Who’s going to meet up with Historia?” Following that was… uh, nobody. As in the next most common answer is “nobody”. You guys are not making this write-up easy for me. After that was Team Hitch/Annie, followed by Armin/Gabi, and then Connie/Falco. The graph is proportional enough that you can see all the percentages, so that’s cool.

Historia is the key to ending this story and getting all the context we need. Which means we probably won’t see her again for awhile.

SLEEPING THROUGH THE APOCALYPSE. WHO DID IT BETTER? 1,399 RESPONSES

We didn’t ask for a reason behind this selection, but Reiner’s rather ill-timed cozy cottage snooze (58.5%) trounced Levi’s “return of the mummy” slumber (41.5%). Maybe it was the appeal of the fruit and snacks?

DO YOU THINK LEVI WILL BE ABLE TO PARTICIPATE IN THE UPCOMING BATTLE? 1,400 RESPONSES

Nearly 60% of you think Levi will recover enough to encourage the others to fight, 20% think he’ll recover enough to fight, and 15.3% think he’ll be unconscious for awhile. The white space on the graph is what happens when there are too many single-voter responses, but we can read them behind the scenes, and one of them suggested that we’re about to learn how titan serum affects Ackermans, and I just want to say that I appreciate your devotion to Titan Science™, anon.

TITAN LEVI INC

Crack theory: he‘ll eat Zeke after Zeke offers himself up because he lost his will to live. So yes, he‘ll be fully healed and badass again.

He is going to become a shifter by eating Zeke with the cooperation of Pieck/Magath, fulfilling his promise to Erwin.

He won't be recovering but he'll fight all the same, with his teeth if necessary

He'll recover enough to make one last heroic action before dying

I don't really know. I hope he can still fight. I think Isayama-sensei didn't let Levi live to be a useless soldier.

i don’t want him to participate. i just want him alive

I think that Levi will not be able to fight, but he'll be awake, and I'd like to him take on a mentorship role. I would love to see him make a full recovery by the time the manga concludes.

Some unforeseen magic will happen

HAS THIS CHAPTER AFFECTED YOUR FEELINGS ABOUT THE RUMBLING? 1,385 RESPONSES

The destruction on the ground, Floch’s reign of terror, and the 104th’s horror at what’s unfolding seems to have shaken some in the fandom with one quarter of respondents indicating that their support has lessened somewhat (20.6%) or significantly (5.7%). The remaining 75% are staying the course with close to 40% completely opposed to the rumbling and 35% in full support of it.

HAS THIS CHAPTER AFFECTED YOUR FEELINGS ABOUT EREN? 1,387 RESPONSES

The responses here are about what we might expect; a fairly even split between those who support Eren fully (or at least think he’s got some mysterious ace up his sleeve) and those that do not support him/are losing faith in him. Interestingly, the smallest response was from those who have lost a significant amount of faith in Eren, indicating the battle lines are still drawn at this point.

Eren did nothing wrong

Eren Yeager is GOD! Bow Down!

We're left in the dark of what Eren is really planning and so I can't judge this consequence too much. It is very extreme and I'm skeptical of it all.

Another aspect of the continual violence and really justifies Eren's position.

The inner fighting among themselves is going to get worse and they all will turn on Eren.

They should support eren, and the yeagerists, not plan to overthrow them

I DONT GET WHAT IS EREN TRYING TO DO? How is he gonna claim he wants to protect his people then end up killing him ??

I hope that among his friends there are on the eren side, eren's decision was correct, although it was too cruel, but it was all for the people he loved. why his friends no one sided eren , I'm sad to think about it.

I love eren but :(

AT THIS POINT, AROUND WHICH CHAPTER DO YOU EXPECT THE MANGA WILL CONCLUDE? 1,406 RESPONSES

As much as I hate to think about the end of the manga, and the subsequent never-ending feud over the serum bowl and the Rumbling, we’re bound to become the next NGE at some point. It can’t be stopped. The majority, at 45.7%, think we have until around Chapter 134, which gives us about nine more months. Following that, 30.2%, think we have until Chapter 138, which gives us more than a year. A lesser but still significant quantity of votes say we have until Chapter 142+, and I feel a little bit like the Vince McMahon meme typing this. You know the one. Lastly, 8.7% of you think there are only 5 chapters left. Why anyone would even entertain such an idea is beyond me.

WHAT ARE YOU MOST HOPING TO SEE NEXT CHAPTER? 1,409 RESPONSES

Wow! A huge split of opinion here regarding hopes for next chapter, as might be expected; but out in front with 27.8% of the vote is a wish to see more Hange, Levi, Pieck and Magath; no doubt because we haven’t seen them for a while. Coming up in second place is Jean and Mikasa, with a number of fans hoping they will fight back against Floch. And of course, third place is the everpresent wish to see Historia once more. What on Earth is she up to???

Historia hopefully

A solid chapter with a lot of great character development. Who wants to bet that Connie and Falco are going to run into Historia at Ragako?

Give me Historia

Jean has an epiphany about himself and Eren's actions (since Floch is Eren's fanboy, like Jean was to a certain degree))

Jean and Floch will fight!

If Floch doesn't make Jean react, I don't know who else will. Their relationship has always been complex, so it would be beautiful to see Jean killing him. But as long as it's not a Jaeger, I'll be fine.

I can’t help but feel that there was something odd about the way Hange spoke about Levi to Magath and Pieck. “Rest assured, he’s just a harmless man who failed to die”. Harmless? Levi? Really? And Hange doesn’t speak like that, so to me this looks like strategizing and covering something up. I don’t think Levi is 100% okay, far from, but I don’t think he’s on the verge of death. And even if Levi will physically be unable to fight, he still isn’t harmless. He wasn’t dubbed Humanity’s Strongest only for his physical strength; Levi is smart, he’s an excellent leader, he’s compassionate and experienced. So, even if we don’t see him engage in fights as a soldier, I believe we will get to see him devise plans and strategies, negotiate, etc. After all, we still don’t know what the Ackermans are capable of. We know they have superhuman strength, so I believe we’re all in for a surprise (or not so much of a surprise) when it comes to Levi. He’s played an enormous part in the story already, but his story isn’t over. Best boi love him yes.

I hope he can still fight. I think Isayama-sensei didn't let Levi live to be a useless soldier.

All aboard the ship! Ms. HanjiXMagath is setting sail! (???)

HISTORIA BACKSTORY, OR I WILL END THIS WORLD

WHERE DO YOU PRIMARILY DISCUSS THE SERIES? 1,328 RESPONSES

Reddit continues to dominate the responses to this question, and this month there were literally more people who don’t discuss the series than people who discuss it on Tumblr. A direct consequence of banning Titan-presenting nipples, surely. Lastly, something ominous is going on in the Snapchat cult, because there were only two of you this month, down from five last month. That’s still enough to reproduce though and it makes me uneasy. Regardless of where or whether you discuss the series though, we appreciate all of you guys’ participation in the poll. We literally couldn’t do it without you!

ADDITIONAL THOUGHTS ON THE CHAPTER?

hE dID nOtHing wrOnG

I mean it's not like Eren could be like "wait while you're breaking out of the wall, can ya be clean about it?" but also....yeahhhhh umm I'm not positive that Eren cares for the majority of Paradisians

Petra's death still burns... Yet I can't really hate Annie.

[Annie’s] story kinda looks like a copypasta of Zeke's but I'm glad it's established she doesn't care for her grand goal and would sacrifice everything to achieve hers if it needs to be brought again

I feel for the wall Titans, they've been conscious for the last century, just chilling there.

Isayama couldn't have made the parallel between Annie and Eren any more blatant if he tried.

I don't know why people are so surprised with Eren being in cahoots with Floch. He is already killing billions to secure peace for Paradis, installing an authoritarian government for the same reason is not unlike him. He already said, he is going to take the freedom from people if they threaten his even innocents.

0/10 no Reiner. jk, the chapter may not have "action" per se, but i love the focus on how the rumbling affects all the characters, including the eldians in the camps. also, all the pairings are really interesting. i hope the HLMP combo leads to good things for the future. i wonder if Armin & Gabi'll talk, and whether she'll learn that he is the Colossus titan, or if she'll catch onto Reiner's great familiarity with these people…

another average chapter in SNK standards (awesome in manga standards)

Another set-up chapter - would be good to see some major events occur to keep the momentum going. Also want Eren/Zeke POVs

After 10 months of wondering where Levi was and if he was alive, i fully sympathise with Annie stans, who had to wait the better part of a decade. But I'm glad to know Levi's alive for now.

Seeing almost everyone other than the Jeager brothers was so damn fresh. Now everyone's gotta work together to stop the total downer ending.

Felt like this a needed chapter to see where all the characters’ directions are headed. Whether we see more compromise or more tension between characters. It creates more anticipation and excitement for what’s to become of Eren and his plan.

Isayama been sleepin on some important characters 💤

Very interesting seeing so many different perspectives, if only we could get Historia some day

Great chapter. But if hange teams up with Pieck and Magath I am going to be very disappointed. They have no reason to rely on the the people who have been trying to exterminate them for years. I get they need to stop eren but they cant let forget the atrocities Marley has done to them. Regroup with the rest and figure out another goddman way.

A very interesting chapter. I fully expect an emotional outburst from Mikasa any time now. Maybe directed at Eren himself.

aaahh I just want Zeke

Give me Eren

Give me Historia

How the hell will Isayama cover all these separated smol groups in only 12 chapters??? Can he rly end the manga this year cos I have doubts!

All pieces are on the move, time to wrap things up, Isayama-sensei! Though I don't see any way to stop Eren, unless they maybe use Historia and her royal blood? Can't wait to see how Isayama will solve all of this.

I love the setting of the rumbling as a slow moving mass of dust and meat that we’re all powerless to stop. I love how we’ve seen it from the perspective of people on the receiving end of the destruction, from people that support it and most of all, people who would never support it but are still benefiting from it. Regardless, none of them could stop even if they wanted too. It makes the issue seem so much more real.

Annie is pretty much like Eren right now, knowingly doing terrible things for the people they care about, both have accepted the cruelty of the world and acted accordingly and is not like the world has given them reasons to think otherwise. But this mentality has only brought pain and suffering around them and to themselves, I hope in the end she changes her outlook in life and finally goes against the "current" of the way things are as she described and do the right thing.

Annie needs to get Armins head out of his ass. Floch was executing people next to his friends and he just runs off wtf

I DONT GET WHAT IS EREN TRYING TO DO? How is he gonna claim he wants to protect his people then end up killing him ??

Armin did nothing wrong. I've seen people complaining about he "yelling with waifu" and even comparing with Eren, even tho what Eren did was totally intentional, while Armin wasn't he didn't mean to hurt her, he snapped under stress, but when he saw he hurt her he regretted so much that even brought Erwin to the picture. But apparently his feeling and emotions are nothing compared with Mikasa's...

Armin made the right choice to go after Falco. His strategy is to ally with the Warriors and Marley. His tactic is to use Falco as barter. It is the best move he can make with the situation as it is. If he succeeds he gains Connie back in the fold, Falco, Gabi, Reiner, Pieck, and Magath. This type of quality help will raise morale and lessen the pressure that everyone feels. Hopefully they work as a team and communicate with each other. Don’t be like Eren who has no fog of war because he knows how it ends and, yet, doesn’t tell anybody about it.

As long as the rest of the world is unwilling to negotiate peacefully I’m not sure what other options were on the table. Obviously eren’s actions are irredeemable, but I feel that he’ll have the same sentiment Annie expressed: if this is the only way his friends make it out alive then he’d choose this path every time. I don’t think all of the blame is on eren(though he is still responsible for his own actions). Every side played a role in this and it should have never come to this to begin with.

I really appreciated the scenes with Armin, Mikasa, and Jean. The rumbling is a world-changing/ reality altering event and Armin said as much, but I'm really hoping these three can manage to salvage some peace for themselves despite the chaos.I think Eren has already accepted his own mortality re: the Curse of Ymir and has fully resigned himself to doing whatever he deems necessary for Paradis, I'm interested to see his end. I also enjoyed seeing Levi and Hange, I never doubted their survival; it also might be a further indication that Floch is BS'ing his way with his power grab when he said that they were killed...This series is excellent.

Wake up already, Reiner. Say something, Levi. At least Falco's awake again. And Annie, for the love of Eldia, please explain your crystal.

Can't wait to see Jean snap at Floch

It was great but isayama please let us see eren...

I just really hope Connie doesn't die but I'm not feeling too optimistic... I can't believe Annie's back and I'm really looking forward to whatever her and Hitch do next.

The reaction to the Armin and Mikasa scene initially drove me up the wall, because people's readings of Mikasa are just so fucking bad--she's literally right??? LMAO. Mikasa and the 104th have always followed Armin's guidance, so she isn't even wrong when she asks how to make herself useful. But the reaction to her question about Eren is just...

Levi surviving the thunderspear was bullshit. Hopefully he stays permanently injured and not overpowered again. Isayama give us Historia please. I hope we get to see my baby Reiner wake up next chapter. I wish that Reiner and Annie meet again please

I got emotional when Falco was starting to "remember" Connie. While Sasha's scenes after her death could have been written better, every time I see a Ymir reference, something interesting happens. We need to remember best girl, and finally we get to see that Connie was an important comrade of hers.

I hope Connie makes the right choices, my boy has suffered enough!

It somehow gave positive vibes despite the apocalyptic setting, and I was extremely happy we got to see almost everyone again.

I want to see more about what happened to Ymir Fritz after she gained her freedom.

I'm glad Levi is ok but i gotta know: how is he able to breathe when HIS ENTIRE FACE HAS BEEN BANDAGED UP

It's the end of the world as we know it, and I feel fiiiiiiiiiine

Lame ass chapter, everything feels pointless and forced and the ambiguity and moral grayness of the story is gone.

Levi has to give meaning to those deaths. It's what will give peace to his heart. He deserves to fight one last time.

mikasa let me hug you and protect you

Can we agree Keith is badass? He advised trainees to not lose themselves despite the government. It's such a stark contrast with Floch in this chapter. He was so traumatized by his first mission as a SC, losing his comrades, watching them die meaningless deaths and seeing the SC fighting over who should be lived other than the commander. As he shot that voluteer he made it clear he casted his values aside for survival. In the end he learned they were just as meaningless as Marlowe's death.

More Yelena pls

This chapter was a lot of scenes I had been waiting for put together. We had Annie and Hitch interaction, an update on Connie and Falco, Gabi and Armin now heading their way, and Levi and Hange are finally back. Now all we need is Historia. The wait for her stopped being funny a LONG time ago...Actually scratch that, it wasn't funny to begin with. 😒

Levi is alive bitches

Really glad it's not all wrapping up with Eren activating the rumbling. Seeing how everyone is handling the chaos has been incredible. I was telling my friends that I honestly don't think the final battle will be against Eren. It's just everyone versus the pure chaos of the situation. I don't see Eren getting beat

The EMA trio was never my favorite, but it still kinda hurt to see them all split up.

The Erwin references were amazing!! Both in the manga and the end text!!

With all these relatively slow-paced, character-driven chapters recently, it seems as if the ending will be very rushed. I have faith in Isayama’s writing skills, but I just hope he will be able to pull off an ending that will do justice to all these wonderful characters he has built up, while rounding out the plot in a satisfying way. This story, in my opinion, is a masterpiece so far - and an ending could either make or break it at this point. Either way, I look forward to seeing the coming chapters very much.

Where is Kiyomi ? (2nd edition)

#snk polls #snk poll #snk 125 #snk chapter polls

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virtual-lara · 5 years ago

Text

Irish Times - Cyberbabe Gets Real

Article appeared on the Irish Times website, dated to 23rd June 2001, and was written by Steven Poole, author of 'Trigger Happy: The Inner Life of Videogames'. Article features a look into the history of Lara and what she is as a character.

It's Valentine's Day, 1968. In a hospital in the south London neighbourhood of Wimbledon, a daughter is born to Lord and Lady Henshingly-Croft. The girl has a drawerful of silver spoons in her mouth. Between the ages of three and 11, she is privately tutored at home; she then attends Wimbledon High School for Girls and Gordonstoun.

At the latter, she discovers a passion for rock climbing in the mountains of Scotland. (She also takes up shooting, but is soon banned for showing "too keen an interest".) By the time she is 18, everyone can see she has a wild streak, but her parents believe she can be thoroughly civilised - and eventually married off to the Earl of Farringdon - after three years at a Swiss finishing school.

While in Switzerland, however, the young woman takes to extreme skiing and spends a holiday pursuing the sport in the Himalayas.

On the return journey, her plane crashes deep in the mountains, and she is the only passenger left alive. Somehow she survives and, two weeks later, staggers into a mountain village. By this time, the course of her life has changed. She feels truly alive only when travelling alone. Lara Croft has decided to become an adventurer.

Or you could look at it this way: Lara Croft was born on the screen of a computer in an English video-game studio in 1995. First, she was a pencil sketch on paper, then a series of more detailed illustrations. Next, her vital statistics were plotted on a VDU screen. Thousands of triangles meshed together to build a computerised outline of a female form.

At this stage, Lara would have looked like a sculpture in chicken wire. Then the figure was "skinned" - wrapped in shaded, coloured surfaces to approximate a clothed human being. Lastly, she was animated: taught to walk, somersault, run and pull herself up on rocky ledges. Virtual worlds were also built around her to test her physical abilities to the limit.

Lara Croft and the Tomb Raider franchise are the products of Core Design - the game-development studio where Lara was born - and Eidos Interactive, its British parent. The man who fathered her was an artist in his early 20s called Toby Gard.

"When I came up with the idea for Tomb Raider," he says, "it wasn't necessarily going to be a female character. We wanted a real-time cinematic game, and I designed a couple of characters; one was a girl, one was a bloke. Eventually, we realised there was going to be a lot of story element in the game and we couldn't keep both the characters, so it was back down to one." So which should they choose? At the time, a female lead in a game was almost unheard of, Gard says. "There was resistance from marketing quarters, saying that female characters never sold."

Eventually, Core chose Lara as a refreshing antidote to the muscled meatheads that usually populated video games. And boy, did she sell: 26 million units, and counting, earning about $1 billion gross in retail sales.

Having turned her back on the upper-class society of her parents, who terminated her monthly allowance in disgust, Lara metamorphosed into a modern-day Indiana Jones.

For her first commission as a professional tomb raider, she was hired to retrieve the three parts of a mysterious artefact known as the Atlantean Scion. Hurtling through Peru, Rome and the lost city of Atlantis (well, it wasn't lost any more), Lara negotiated booby traps and shot a variety of wildlife, including rats, tigers and, alarmingly, a tyrannosaur.

In later quests, she travelled to Venice, Tibet and the Great Wall of China, snuck around the US military institute Area 51 and battled goons in the London Underground. Along the way, Lara was constantly learning. On the trail of a weird dagger that could turn you into a dragon, Lara discovered that she could climb walls, flip through 180 degrees while jumping or swimming, and wade into shallow pools of water.

By the time of her next adventure she could even get down on her hands and knees - in order to negotiate low tunnels and ventilation ducts - as well as monkey-swing from walkways and run much faster than she ever had. She could even blink. The programmers at Core extended Lara's capabilities with each new game, exploiting the fact that she had become a star.

Every year, another sequel popped up just before Christmas and went straight to the top of the video-game charts. Meanwhile, Eidos, Lara's parent company, was becoming a stock-market darling. In 1998, the World Economic Forum in Davos, Switzerland, named the British firm the world's fastest-growing company, and in the summer of 1999 Eidos's share price was trading at a delirious high of $18.20.

Lara Croft, we must note, has brains as well as beauty. She is said by her biographers to have penned several travel books, including A Tyrannosaurus Is Jawing At My Head and the follow-up, Slaying Bigfoot. But she clearly does not read the newspapers or watch television, for in none of her adventures do we see any awareness on Lara's part that she has become an international media darling.

The first wave of Lara coverage came shortly after the game's 1996 release, with David James, the Liverpool goalkeeper, explaining to the London Times that he was playing badly because he had been staying up late playing Tomb Raider. In 1997, U2 used specially commissioned digital footage of Lara in action on their Popmart tour.

Lara appeared in comics, and plastic action figures of Lara sold like hot cakes. The original game had appeared on both the Sega Saturn and Sony PlayStation consoles, but Sony soon signed an exclusivity deal that meant episodes two and three would appear only on PlayStation.

Then came the acme of media acceptance: Lara on the cover of the Face in June 1997. Not only was this the first time the style magazine had used a digital person on its cover, it was the first time it had allowed an image to interrupt its red masthead. Newsweek, Rolling Stone and Time soon followed suit, and a video for the German pop outfit Die Artze, featuring Lara fighting with members of the band, went heavy-rotation on MTV.

Marks & Spencer produced a range of Tomb Raider III merchandise. Douglas Coupland, the writer of Generation X, contributed to a fey devotional tome entitled Lara's Book. In November, 1998, Tomb Raider and its first sequel were awarded Millennium Product status by the British Design Council.

In 1999, Lara - or rather Core Design, won a BAFTA for her "outstanding contribution to the interactive industry". In 2000, filming began in England on the imminent Tomb Raider feature film, budgeted at $100 million and starring Angelina Jolie. You can now, if you wish, clothe your children in nattily miniature Tomb Raider threads.

Perhaps the cleverest marketing coup was the association, begun in 1999, between Lara Croft and Lucozade, the orange liquid that used to be thought of as medicine for the sick but reinvented itself through the 1990s as a sports drink.

The latest advert has Lara pausing for a friendly Lucozade with her enemies while the player's back is turned. This summer, in order to tie in with the feature film's release, Lucozade will be labelled "Larazade".

They probably call this "synergy", but it works because Lucozade is a product one can imagine Lara using, even if it is unclear where she might find a bottle in a dusty tomb. Jeremy Heath-Smith, the managing director of Core Design and head of global development at Eidos - who, despite Eidos's financial difficulties, was last year paid $3.5 million thanks to a long-standing royalty agreement - says: "The fact that it's a health-giving energy drink matched Lara's profile exactly. I'm not sure Irn-Bru could have the same effect, as nice as Irn-Bru is."

Lara is careful about who she's seen with, for obvious reasons. We can be confident that she would never endorse fruit-flavoured alco-pops, or depilatory creams. But the Lucozade partnership is a marvel of mutual reinforcement: association with Tomb Raider and Lara helps to sell Lucozade.

In his novel Idoru, cyberpunk writer William Gibson imagines Rei Toei, a Japanese-engineered virtual celebrity who rebels against her makers and plots to find herself a physical body. In fact, the Japanese did have a virtual media star in 1997. Software programmers collaborating with Japan's leading modelling agency, Horipro, created Kyoko Date, the world's first digital pop singer. But sales of her debut CD did not live up to expectations. Why? Her face was a combination of features mapped from photographs of famous models; her singing voice was taken from one woman, her speaking voice from another; and her dance moves were digitised from the performances of real dancers. She was far more detailed and "realistic" than Lara Croft was at the time - but in a sense, Kyoko Date looked too real.

Our idoru does not fall into this trap. Lara Croft is attractive because of, not despite, her glossy blankness - that hyper-perfect, shiny computer look. She is an abstraction, an animated conglomeration of sexual and attitudinal signs - breasts, hot pants, shades, thigh holsters - whose blankness encourages the viewer's psychological projection.

Beyond the bare facts of her biography, her perfect vacuity means we can make Lara Croft into whoever we want her to be. If the computer-generated Lara Croft ever became too photo-realistic, too much like an individual woman, says Heath-Smith, "you'd lose some of that feel for her". The plans to finesse the character design for the next-generation Tomb Raider game, coming to Sony's far more visually powerful PlayStation2 some time next year, are "to smooth her off without changing the aesthetics that work".

But will these aesthetics be influenced by the performance of Angelina Jolie in the Tomb Raider film? Lara's creator, Toby Gard, rather approves of the casting. "Yeah, Angelina Jolie certainly looks the part," he says. "She has that certain wild quality which is important - that's what I had in mind." Jolie, we are told, performed most of her stunts; emulating the acrobatic, gravity-defying grace of her digital counterpart in the unforgiving real world resulted in injuries to her knee and shoulder and torn ligaments in her foot.

Bear in mind Lara has already been impersonated by several flesh-and-blood women without danger to her virtual hegemony - the models and actresses Rhona Mitra, Nell McAndrew, Lara Weller, Lucy Clarkson and Vanessa Demouy have all stepped into the boots for promotional appearances. Lara Croft, the virtual character, is the Platonic ideal: a human actress can give a better or worse account of that ideal, but she can never embody it fully, still less outstrip it. In that sense Lara is more like a creature of time-fogged legend than a contemporary "personality".

The rise to ubiquity of Lara Croft came as a surprise to her digital dad. "I never expected to have that happen," Gard says. "You know, as a designer, I'd gone through my life making sketches for these characters, and you think they're yours - then you realise they're not yours at all."

It was the massive success of Lara, in fact, that prompted Gard to leave Core Design and set up his own company, Confounding Factor, before the second Tomb Raider game appeared. "Other people were just doing things with her I didn't agree with," he says, guardedly.

He is working on Galleon, a game he promises "will have the same effect as Tomb Raider had in terms of how far ahead of everything else it's going to be".

It will be interesting to observe how Lara Croft ages. If the franchise is still going in 2020, will she be raiding tombs at the age of 42? There seems no reason why not. What allowed Lara's extraordinary success, after all, was the fact that Gard had created not a singular female character but a new archetype: an image so fluid and malleable that she can cross media barriers without appearing to whore herself.

Odd as it may seem, Lara has never been a primarily sexual being. In the immature world of video games, Lara was a revelation. In contrast to the standard near-pornographic portrayal of helpless women characters, Lara was a Germaine Greer of video games. Sure, she showed some skin, but her wardrobe was practical, rock-climbing, tomb-raiding stuff: shorts, hiking boots, vest, backpack. Gard says this was a deliberate reaction to the digital representations of women around him at the time, which persist today: spangly thongs, S&M corsets, strange spirally metal bras.

"I wanted to make sure it wasn't the thigh-length boot-style stuff," he says. "You can't get emotionally involved with a character like that because it has been objectified. Lara, I felt, had more dignity." It wouldn't make any sense, you understand, to describe the dignified Lara as a sex symbol.

Because "sex symbol", if that overused phrase means anything at all, must mean a person with whom you can imagine having sex - however improbable that may be. Angelina Jolie may be a sex symbol. But Lara can't be. It is in principle impossible to have sex with Lara Croft: she is always and forever unattainable.

And, as we have seen, there are far more overtly sexual depictions of women in video games. So all the prurient fans' artwork - the notorious "Nude Raider" images created by boys disturbingly skilled in computer-aided imaging and posted on the net, and all the leering over Croft's breasts in the chat rooms - these are incidental, a predictably perverse subculture of the fan base, not its raison d'etre.

It seems probable that men who like Lara don't want to have her; they want to be her. That's why they play the game. Lara is a symbol, if anything, of aspirational gender reassignment. In both directions. Men who like trying on a female persona, or women, such as Jolie, who like doing what is usually thought to be men's stuff. To paraphrase Damon Albarn of Blur, Lara works for boys who do girls, or boys who like girls who do boys, or girls who do boys.

And perhaps it is this all-things-to-all-people, don't-you-dare-try-to-pin-me-down quality that has ensured her longevity. For it is axiomatic that the jumping, rolling, sprinting Lara Croft is physically inexhaustible. What is surprising is that over the five years of her career so far, she has also proven inexhaustible as an icon.

All rights belong to Irish Times and/or their affiliated companies. I only intend to introduce people to old articles and preserve them before they are lost.

#TR History #VL Posts #TR in the News

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allsassnoclass · 4 years ago

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You’re right about the kid Dimitri thing it’s a cute element of the movie that adds to their relationship and also dimitris search bc he’s looking for the girl he saved. See I have an attachment to Rasputin&the bat which is half my issue but you’re right about the new guy just. Not being dangerous enough for it to work in the musical. Also pls go off about Newsies I wanna hear about that one

okay this is going under a read more because it inevitably will get very very long. also spoilers for newsies (1992 movie and musical) below:

first of all a disclaimer: I do like the musical and this isn’t me saying that they didn’t improve anything (Crutchy/Crutchie, actually developing their token female (although I do have thoughts about that as well), what they did with “Once and for All” etc.) but I was a fan of the 1992 movie first so my loyalties lie there. Also this is all just my opinion

First and foremost: all characters except for Jack, Medda, Crutchie, and Pultizer were done dirty. The background characters were my favorite part of the movie and the musical really dropped the ball with them, often at the sacrifice of historical accuracy

Mush Meyers, Boots, Kid Blink, Racetrack Higgins, and Spot Conlon were all real people actually involved in the strike (Kid Blink was historically the leader, they created Jack Kelly to have more freedom with characterization), and all of these characters were taken out of the musical or given lesser roles. They also (along with Crutchy) create the supporting cast (with Jack, Denton, David, and Les being the main cast), which means I was emotionally attached to all of these people and then they were taken away from me :( It’s clear that the people adapting the musical did not think they were important enough to keep consistent, which is just false

In general, because they spend so much time focusing on Jack and Katherine, all of the background newsies are less developed, which means that the Found Family vibes are also slightly less developed (especially when taking away the lodging house/newsies square as a definitive home base and Kloppman as a father/grandfather figure)

seriously I miss Kloppman that dude woke them up every morning, helped them with their spelling, lied to Snyder’s face about Jack’s whereabouts... MVP right there

Racetrack and Spot were done the most dirty (because the others don’t even exist). Allow me to explain: In the movie and in real life, Racetrack got his name because he sells at Sheepshead Races and bets on the horses there (the betting is more of a reoccurring thing in the movie). Therefore, in “King of New York,” he is the character to wish for “a permanent spot at Sheepshead Races,” and for absolutely no reason (besides laziness) they have someone else say that in the musical and also cut half his name??? He also is shown to be very good with kids (David telling him to watch Les when he goes after Jack, all of his interactions with Snipeshooter), and there’s an interesting thing to be said about how Wiesel will spot him papers. All of this is lost simply because they don’t have the stage time for the background newsies

SPOT CONLON! WAS RUINED! perhaps that’s a very strong opinion but they really did him dirty. In the movie he’s a shrimp with the aura of a mob boss. he wasn’t buff, and that made him more intimidating because he still somehow was arguably the most powerful newsie! also by cutting out the scene where Jack, David, and Boots go to Brooklyn to see him, we miss seeing him as a true leader and getting an actual introduction to him and how the newsies of different boroughs interact. I miss his slingshot and his pimp cane. I miss David calling him the key to the strike. I miss him showing up earlier than the second act so it actually makes sense for him to be seen as the strike leader that the musical is so desperate to make him (seriously what’s the point of him being in Pulitzer’s office at the end???). also by introducing him later we miss all of the sprace moments :(

I even have some beef with Katherine because, although she’s much more developed as a love interest than Sarah (rip Sarah 1992 maybe if they had actually kept her song Truth About the Moon in there...), I think it was cheap and unnecessary to make her Pulitzer’s daughter, and she doesn’t really have much of a personality outside of Strong Independent Woman who still somehow needs a man in order to get her big break. She was really written as a Token Female and while I love her and I appreciate that she wants agency and to fight for a cause, Sarah punching a Delancey brother was more feminist. Also, even David’s role in the story was lessened in order to give room for Katherine’s whole subplot and Dramatic Family Reveal and as an avid Javid shipper that made me sad :(

Now on to more plot-focused concerns!

The! Betrayal! Scene! The movie betrayal scene! So much better! Allow me to explain!

First of all, Jack just waltzing into Pulitzer’s office and getting captured? boring. cheap. Snyder and the police infiltrating the rally so we get to see Every Single Newsie try so desperately to keep Jack safe and yet he (and all the named newsies) still get captured? Heartbreaking! Engaging! Shows plainly the bond of the newsies!

(also allowed us to have the “on the grounds of Brooklyn, your honor” line at the trial)

The one-on-one confrontation between Jack and Pulitzer is much more engaging and more of a game of wits in my opinion. You don’t feel like Jack is the underdog and won’t win until Pulitzer directly threatens David, whereas having all of Pulitzer’s friends there in the musical means Jack is automatically going to lose and you don’t even get a chance to cheer for him

The Alley Scene!!!!

Then the actual betrayal scene, with Jack fully dressed like a scab. every single newsie feeling personally hurt and calling out to Jack, spot having to be forcibly pulled back by multiple people, and then David gets the chance to speak and nearly starts a fist fight when he was the one who always said they couldn’t beat up the scabs… “I ain’t got nobody tucking me in at night, like you. It’s just me, and I gotta look out for myself” “you had the newsies!”

I quote that scene so much y’all

I miss Jack meeting David’s whole family. It really shows what Jack himself is missing and longing for, it more blatantly shows David’s Jewishness, and makes Jack finding a family with David and the newsies that much sweeter at the end. I also liked how a nuclear family was something no movie newsies had (less historically accurate, I know) because I think that bonded them together more, because they genuinely only had each other in the movie (can you tell that found family is extremely important to me)

Jack’s background story. him lying about his name and then it all getting revealed at the trial was a very spicy moment, and I think it shows just how much he relied on Santa Fe as an escape for him. He’s created an entire other life in his imagination for himself, going so far as to change his name and fantasize about having a family, and I think that that makes his decision to stay in New York and accept both his reality and the newsies as his family sweeter

also in the musical it’s implied that Jack stole food and clothing for the kids in the refuge, and that’s how he got himself arrested the first time. I almost like it better if he was stealing for himself at first, because I like having a protagonist who doesn’t need to always be completely altruistic like he was starving and he stole some food and I think that’s justified, so I don’t like how they felt the need to turn him into some sort of saint who was stealing for someone else (that’s a really nitpicky thing but!)

The absolutely bonkers commitment to nicknames in the movie was very spicy. I think Jake (and Jack, who was lying, and David and Les, who started as outsiders) was the only one with a name and he was even a very deep background newsie. Wasn’t historically accurate but it sure created a lot of possibilities about the power of names that could be exploited in fanfiction

And now some nitpicky things about elements of a musical that bothered me:

they took away the upper harmonies in carrying the banner???? why would you do that you have Broadway singers and you take away the upper harmony???

switching Jack’s line of “I want space not just air” to “I need space and fresh air” idk I think the first one more fully portrays how trapped he feels in New York and in his situation also it’s more poetic

I’ve already talked about Race’s line in King of New York :)

how all of the newsies are supposed to be kids but instead were played by adults... I know this was because of child labor laws but that’s why newsies is going to be best done as a high school musical (or a combined middle school/high school like my school was... Mr. Holsen when you retire put in a good word for me so I can take over). if you don’t have at least 3 newsies who are small and young enough to be lifted onto another newsie’s shoulders then you’re doing it wrong

this is very much a personal preference but I really liked how the color pallet in the movie was a lot of browns and earth tones. with the musical doing a lot of steel and blues it definitely feels like the progression into the mechanical age but it also feels colder and more rigid and I liked the warmth of the movie.

In a similar vein that is also a very personal preference, I liked how the singing and dancing was a bit rougher around the edges in the movie. I’m a dancer so Of Course I love the Broadway choreo but it feels too polished sometimes. these are young scrappy kids and they’re dancing like professionals who went to julliard (which like. some of them probably did). the scruffiness of the movie makes it feel more down to earth and swallowable for me

Jack’s cowboy hat :( Jack’s costume in general :( his nickname is cowboy and they took away his cowboy hat and red bandana :(

This is obnoxiously long but I just. y’all I have so many feelings about newsies and everyone always talks about the musical when they’re really two different stories and I just want to talk about the movie so thank you for indulging me

#ask #pixiegrl

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fuckyeahcharmcaster · 5 years ago

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Pot, Meet Kettle

So, was looking for more Charmcaster content and came upon these comments related to the reboot episode “What Rhymes With Omnitrix?” And...wow. I won’t name names out of respect for privacy and will put this all under a cut so that only those interested can read it, but the hypocrisy here is just so mind-numbing that I needed to comment on it.

Kevin stans unwilling to admit to his faults, do not engage.

What she did to Kevin was not conning in any way, that was clearly and blatantly magical enslavement complete with chains, torture, and mindcontrol. You can’t just downplay that shit like this and expect me to go along with it, not when the sequel series already tended to pull that, especially with regards to Charmcaster doing that sorta shit. You do not get to blatantly show Kevin being forced to do things against his will, being tortured for fighting back, and then try to pass it off as him having been tricked into working with her. What the fuck is with this franchise with having Charm do horribly evil shit and then just waving it off?

Remind me: how much horribly evil shit did Kevin commit, even in the sequel series themselves where he was a good guy, that got downplayed, justified, waved off or swept under the rug? Murder, war profiteering, aiding other criminals when it suited his interests, letting his friends take the rap for his crimes, etc?

Sequel series Charm was incredibly shitty, there’s no denying that, probably shittier than sequel series Kevin honestly given the sheer lack of consistency in her character and over-the-top extremes they had her go to. But guess what, that doesn’t make sequel series Kevin un-shitty. If you’re not holding the same standard to how they’re written, your argument loses credibility because it is intellectually dishonest.

More to the point, what about all of the crap that reboot Kevin has pulled? Does none of it bother you? Is him walking free sensible given the stuff he’s done? Ex: he enslaved Glitch, who is a sentient being, against his will twice. He wasn’t taken to task for it afterward, even though he felt no remorse and went on to do more evil deeds. Before getting controlled by Charm, he was about to beat Ben to death. And even before he got his Antitrix he was a vicious bully who traumatized Ben to the point of being scared of public bathrooms. So why is all of that excusable and you can “go along with it” when the show doesn’t dwell on any of it afterward, but you draw a line in the sand when Charm, a villain, does something bad to Kevin, another fucking villain? That’s like hating on Kevin for manipulating the Weatherheads or Steam Smythe and expecting the show to make a bigger deal out of that, or hating on Zombozo for screwing Vilgax over or hypnotizing Kevin and expecting the show to make a bigger deal out of that; it makes no logical sense. Villains are gonna villain, it’s what they do.

With Charmcaster, it was a case of Kevin trying to puff himself up and seem big and bad and Charm responding with ‘great, let me have your brain for my own’, followed by an episode of him fighting viciously against her control until she took 100% over. But he was ‘working with her’, the writers say. And given how much the sequel series were into brushing the awful shit she did under the rug, I really don’t have patience for it here.

Again, I ask if you’ve checked under Kevin’s rug from the sequel series lately. Lot of awful shit there. And if you had the patience for all of that, you can have the patience for this.

And as for what sparked this whole outburst, the ‘working with her’ thing was in reference to that in his puffing Kevin outright said that she ought to take control of him. She told him upfront that she wanted to control Ben against his will to have him attack Gwen, and told him to be on his way because he wasn’t Ben. Kevin could have gotten out unscathed. But, not thinking straight because of jealousy, he protested and said that she should want to control him because he’s more powerful. Charm’s response (basically “OK, if you insist!”) made him realize all too late what he had just said and what it actually meant would happen to him.

It’s not trying to excuse what Charm did as right or justifiable or undermine it in any way, it’s just acknowledging that Kevin also played a willful part in making it happen too due to his hate-boner for Ben, just as Charm did due to her hate-boner for Gwen. He wasn’t just minding his own business until Charm up and took control of him for no reason: he was about to murder Ben and got accidentally pulled over to Charm who mistook him for Ben, she told him to leave when she realized her mistake, and then Kevin insisted that her plan to control Ben was dumb because Ben was weak; she should want him because he’s stronger. His claim of Charm “conning” him into getting controlled is him lying to himself about what happened, acting as though Charm deliberately manipulated his jealousy to make him say what he did, rather than admit that he had been a stupid, jealous kid who badly fucked up.

It’s not even that they don’t treat her as being in the wrong, it’s that they want her to both be redeemable and also to do things that may or may not be irredeemable. It’s a theme of every sequel series and now the reboot as well.

Except that Charmcaster hasn’t done anything remotely irredeemable in the reboot series. And if you think that she did, then you’re being intellectually dishonest because, again, Kevin has done literally the exact same things and usually for the exact same reasons. He’s not against controlling, enslaving, manipulating or relishing in inflicting pain on people either. He may not be a psychopath, but he still is written as lacking in basic empathy, just like Charm.

It was also absolutely a theme for him as well in the sequel series, probably even moreso since they did a whole fucking arc about it w/ Ultimate Kevin, where he did horrific things that were irredeemable and yet he’s still redeemed and those actions are swept under the rug with the whole “it wasn’t his fault, it was the energy he absorbed that made him do it!” excuse, which is the same kind of cop-out as the Alpha Rune was for sequel series Charmcaster. If you can buy wholesale into that excuse but can’t for the Alpha Rune, you are operating under a double standard. Either both are cases of awful character writing that exist purely for the writers to avoid having to write actual redemption arcs, or neither of them are. Pick one.

SO they have her do these things and then either sweep them under the rug, downplay the shit out of them, or tell us that we should feel sorry for her that she felt the need to do that.

....I...I really can’t right now. I just can’t.

This literally describes Kevin too. Swap names and gender pronouns, and it’s the same.

And yet every time Kevin does something horrible, your reaction seems to be “oh, my son!”, sweeping it under the rug or downplaying it, and you feel sorry for him that he felt the need to do it; you still understand and sympathize with his troubled mental state regardless of what inexcusable acts of villainy it drives him to do. But when it’s Charmcaster? Fuck that bitch and cue violent fantasies of what Kevin should do to her for revenge just because he happened to be the victim of her actions (oh yeah, and about those: what the actual fuck!? Honestly, the hypocritical bitching about Charm being some kind of writers’ pet wouldn’t bug me half as much without this totally uncalled-for shit accompanying it.)

It sounds to me that this has nothing to do with morality: it has everything to do with a bias toward your fave and anger that he got hurt. It sounds to me that Kevin can hurt Ben, Gwen, Grandpa Max, Glitch, or anyone else and you’re fine with it - heck, he can hurt Charm and you’re fine with it given the aforementioned fantasies. But when Kevin is hurt, the one who did it MUST be held accountable at every turn and suffer the painful consequences!

He’s your fave, I get it, but the emotions involved with that should not rule out objectivity. Nor should it fuel torture porn fantasies toward another character, especially a female child one who already has being physically abused by a boy as part of her goddamn backstory. (Humiliating slapstick like the show itself uses is fine though, she definitely deserves it.)

The way you are going about it, you come off as a pitiful MRA-type always bitching about how them damn women get away with everything and men get screwed as a result, even when it’s not at all reflective of reality. If you really think the writers of the Ben 10 franchise have historically held some kind of bias toward Charm and didn’t toward Kevin, then just look at Kevin’s screentime throughout the franchise compared to Charm and then come back at me with that shit (same goes for Gwen for that matter; stack her up against Ben and Kevin in terms of significant arcs, actions and development, and you’ll find she falls woefully short.)

And the thing is, for the reboot at least, she’s young enough I’m willing to give her some leeway, but the tempering damages that by making it feel like the writers don’t see what she does as an issue.

It’s not that the writers don’t see what she does as an issue. It’s that you see it as way too big of an issue while also not seeing the same thing happening with Kevin as an issue at all. It’s a double standard, pure and simple: Kevin is your fave and so he can get away with anything in your eyes and you don’t consider it to be troubling writing if he gets let off with a slap on the wrist for it. But you can’t do the same for Charm because she’s not your fave and - more importantly - Kevin is negatively impacted by what she does. If he wasn’t, then I’m pretty damn sure that no evil deed she commits would actually bother you at all. You want the show to fixate on how evil what she did was not because you hold some standard against magical mental enslavement in general, but because you’re angry that she did it to Kevin. This is all about you taking offense on behalf of your fave, not about the writers messing up in any way.

And before anyone gets on my case for bashing Kevin, I’m not! I love reboot Kevin! None of what I described above about him bothers me in any way because I can look at him objectively and enjoy him as the troubled but undeniably nasty little shit that he is, just as I do with reboot Charm. They’re both villains who do villainous things, and the show’s lax attitude toward it is due to its light-hearted tone and the fact that they’re both children (ditto for the likes of Billy Billions and Simon Sez). But more to the point, they’re supposed to be hypocrites in regards to each other, because what they hate about each other is actually the worst of themselves reflected right back at them. They are the same kind of person and they project like crazy, this is a certified fact per Word of God. Their FANS, however, shouldn’t be following their example because they ought to be smarter and more mature than that.

It goes all the way back to this post, and what I said there still applies: Why are male characters allowed to be bitter, angry, hateful, vengeful, insolent, insulting, anti-social, violent and manipulative without reproach while female characters always get demonized for it? Why does such behavior in a male character get the “my precious son!” reaction, while the exact same behavior in a female character get the “that horrible bitch!” reaction? Why are bad things a female character does to a male character considered irredeemably awful, but what bad things that male character might do to her for revenge considered an appealing fantasy and totally justified? Why can a male character be allowed nuance despite their deplorable acts of villainy, and yet when it’s done with a female character it’s proof that “the writers don’t get that what she did was wrong because otherwise why try to make her appealing or sympathetic in any way?” Why this double standard?

I don’t know, but I do know that it’s wrong and I am not here for it.

Tl;dr: don’t hate on Charm for things your fave is equally guilty of or things that a witch-themed supervillain is gonna naturally do just because it’s your fave who gets hurt by it.

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amphtaminedreams · 5 years ago

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S/S 2020 Fashion Month: A Basic, Uneducated Fashion Heaux’s A-Z of Everything Noteworthy (Part 2/3)

Hi to anyone reading,

Back at it again with the giving my unsolicited opinion on 2020′s spring/summer offering, I’m gonna hop straight into part 2 of my fashion month review!

Sorry to start with an underwhelming few but my compulsive tendencies are making it really hard to break out of this alphabetical structure (cry laughs whilst thinking about how long it took me to face up at my retail job last night because it would give me vaguely homicidal urges and make my fingers tingle every time a customer moved something slightly out of line), so I’m gonna whizz through a handful of collections. First up, Halpern:

Not much to say but I’m envious of the heavy liner (my hooded eyes could never) and I like the colour scheme. As for the 80s style metallic pink dress?

Helmut Lang:

And Hermes:

Of these 3 collections, Hermes is definitely the most interesting. I like the colour scheme and the utilitarian shapes and the tan coloured jackets are an absolute shoot. This is how you make safari look fresh, D&G take note.

Isabel Marant was okay. It’s cute, sure, reminds me of something Mary-Kate and Ashley would’ve come out with/worn in the 2000s, and there’s definitely some things I would wear, but I wouldn’t say it looks all that luxury. Pricey, sure, but like, Free People pricey, not designer pricey. As a collection, it’s not all that conceptual, unless the concept is L.A girl does a Starbucks run after her bikram yoga class. What I will say though is that some of the S/S 2020 commercial trends are becoming clear: white cheesecloth pieces, peasant blouses, cowboy boots, scrappy sandals, neutral tones, and bandana print.

Now onto the darling of high fashion Twitter: Jacquemus.

As far as presentation goes, this has to be one of my favourite set-ups of the season; a hot pink runway running through a lavender meadow is as canny and serene as those who sing the praises of Simon Porte Jacquemus would have you expect, and the clothes were easy, breezy and beautiful, even if there is an element of getting dressed in the dark going on with the styling which put me off including a few otherwise gorgeous pieces. It might not be 100% my style but you can tell this is a brand of the future which is only going to go from strength to strength.

And everything was beautifully and purposefully crafted on the runway with J.W Anderson this year. The pieces are graceful and timeless whilst still easy to envision as something a modern woman would throw on to (very fashionably) run some errands in the city. This was also one of the handful of shows (IIRC! This might be a case of extreme deja-vu!) where we saw the sandal straps tied over the trousers, I’m guessing to accentuate the ankles, and...I’m surprisingly here for it? Though in a sense it kinda resembles when I accidentally get my work trousers tucked into my slipper socks, it’s an interesting touch and adds a bit of a shape to otherwise billowing bottom halves.

Following Jacquemus’ lead (or vice versa, I’m way too deep into this fashion month haze to work out who went first at this point), Lacoste also put on a co-ed show. Otherwise crisp and preppy as per, the neckerchiefs (even if seeing them all next to one another does give off a bit of a Disneyland Main Street barbershop quartet vibe) and vinyl/wet-look/PVC/I’m still not sure what differentiates the 3 coats were an out of the box touch for them and I really liked it. It’s athleisure, but more like something Hayley Bieber would’ve worn as part of her Princess Diana inspired shoot than anything I’d wear to the gym.

LMAO, as if I go the gym. But you get my point. Next, Loewe:

Delicate, feminine and all around delightful, the S/S 2020 Loewe collection is up there with Chloe and Brock when it comes to most spring appropriate. More chiffon, lace and doily-like detailing, please, the old woman in me lives for this kinda thing made fashionable. Like with J.W Anderson, you can tell the design team wanted to do something different without just throwing shit onto their pieces for the sake of being wacky, and so we end up with these dramatic, slightly geometric waistlines and almost angelic Victorian nightgown inspired dresses that kinda make me wished that 1). ghosts existed and that 2). I lived back in that era so I could die some tragic death wearing any one of the dresses on the left in the top 3 rows and then haunt the shit out of everyone. That would really be an iconic fashion moment. Also wonderful, imo, was Louis Vuitton:

The mix between 60s and Edwardian I never knew I needed, as opposed to Gucci’s forward thinking take on the former decade, Louis Vuitton takes it back even further and throws in late 19th/early 20th century structures and references. I adore the what seems to be a mix between brocade and paisley print and the exaggerated collars are a very cute touch. The jacket on the top left is a highlight, a more neutral version of the similar catsuit seen at the Longchamp show (I couldn’t personally pick enough highlights from that to include it), and I now more than ever really want to try and pull off a sweater vest. The shoes might not be the most exciting thing ever but they’re also a personal favourite, from the knee high boots to the loafers with the LV moniker.

Maison Margiela was very cool and again, I’m in love with the shoes and just the accessories in general, ESPECIALLY those hats. I don’t know if I’m way off base here but this show is almost a modernised, fashionable version of a 1940s period drama about WW2 pilots and evacuees. Yes, maybe I am just getting that solely from the trench coats and the naval influences and the exaggerated collars but I think with that list I made quite a case for that perspective, right? Right.

And completing this holy trinity (appropriating the term I usually reserve for Emma Watson, Emma Stone and Emma Roberts is not without careful consideration) is Marc Jacobs. One of my ultimate favourites of this season, this collection is absolutely EVERYTHING: kitschy, dream-like, whimsical, over-the-top, and totally appropriate for your slightly eccentric aunt who always drinks too much wine and talks a lot of shit every time she comes over for dinner. I really feel like I walked into wonderland looking at this collection, and in the best way possible, it gives me a female Russell Brand in the 2000s’ wardrobe on crack. On the one hand we have these insanely beautiful and ethereal chiffon floral dresses but then we also have fricken top hats. Basically, it’s everything I love about fashion and I don’t know if anything can top it. Periodt (and I type that with a totally straight face).

Next, onto another personal fave, Marchesa:

Which is as always, beautiful. I was going to write that if Disney princesses came to life and lived in the modern world (so, in other words, Elle Fanning), they would be wearing Marchesa and then I remembered that the film Enchanted exists and had a lightbulb moment and thought OH MY GOD IF THEY REMADE THAT IN 2019, THE DRESS ON THE RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE ROW WOULD BE A PERFECT LEVELLING UP OF THE CURTAIN DRESS.

Anyways, favourites of the favourites are the bottom row; I would die for that feather trim.

BUT where Marchesa is everything opulent, overly ornate and err-ing on “fussy”, Margaret Howell’s S/S 2020 collection is completely stripped back and just as effective, if not as to my taste. Very cool, very current, and altogether effortless (in a good way!), with this show Margaret Howell made mid-20th century utilitarianism relevant. I never thought I’d be praising the combination of bermuda shorts, crew socks and a beanie and yet here I am. Character development.

Next is Marine Serre:

Which I really like! The bottom row isn’t really to my personal taste but I can acknowledge that if I saw somebody wearing any one of those outfits I’d think they looked sick, and as for the first two rows, those mesh tops and the slightly chintzy florals are right up my alley.

Marques Almeida put out a really strong collection, imo. The blending of luxurious silhouettes and fabrics with street wear inspired prints and styling is a really interesting and unique contrast and if Billie Eilish ever decided to stop wearing those tweenie clothes and wanted to actually seduce somebody’s dad (I LOVE BILLIE EILISH AND I KNOW WHY SHE DRESSES THE WAY SHE DOES, IT’S A JOKE, PLS DON’T HATE ME), I’d love to see her wearing something like this. It’s a blend of punk, urban, and 2019 e-girl and has the kind of edge that Topshop has lost over the past couple of years that used to make it so aspirational to my 13 year old self. Of all the shows, it also probably has the most personally wearable accessories, and a shit tonne of cool make up looks I’d love to try if it weren’t for my lack of visible eyelid, lol.

Make up looks were a highlight of the Max Mara show too, for me anyway.

I otherwise wasn’t hugely keen on the collection, it being a little too matronly/Miss.Trunchbull-esque for my liking (wild card fashion inspiration of 2019, apparently?). The light paisley print dresses are very dreamy, though, and I can never resist a good suit.

As for Michael Kors, dare I say it, but the basic bitch in me loved it. I know as a designer he’s not held in very high regard by the fashion community and I'm not saying it’s at all original but it did what it set out to do well; I mean, it’s quite fitting that he cameo-d in an episode of Gossip Girl because every outfit would be perfect for the Constance attending incarnation of Blair Waldorf, which is probably why I like the collection. Like yeah, it’s a bit of a Polo Ralph Lauren/Lacoste rip off but it’s daintier and more feminine and so I’m not gonna lie, I’m on board with it.

Next, Miu Miu.

One of the collections I was most excited for, I was a little disappointed. Don’t get me wrong, I really like the collection, but I have never once disliked anything Miu Miu and I usually love it. There are things I love about this line too: the cream, floral lace-up boots, the off-the-shoulder cardigans, the houndstooth oversized coats and of course the fur-lined gilets. My mum used to buy me similar ones when I was a little girl and so they give me childhood nostalgia in the best way possible. I mean, the collection is as girly and eccentric as ever. I think it’s just a little too on the primary school librarian side for me, this time round. Sorry Miu Miu xoxo

Now I’m just gonna speed through a couple, starting with MM6 Maison Margiela, the younger sister to the more expensive regular Maison Margiela line:

And Monique Lhuillier:

So that I can get to one of my other ultimate favourite collections for S/S 2020: Moschino.

Oh my god, where to even start. Firstly, I might be reaching, but if this show is even remotely to thank for art nouveau mesh tops showing up in the Urban Outfitters new in section, then a very sarcastic thank you to Jeremy Scott. You just made ethical shopping a lot harder. HOW am I supposed to not buy an Alphonse Mucha top? HOW!? I mean, I’m sure I’ll manage (I’m on month 3 without a shopping spree I can’t actually afford now and yes, I am very much patting myself on the back), but HOW!?

But on a serious level, if renaissance was the print of 2019, which I’m still very much into BTW, bring on modern art as its 2020 replacement. The Pablo Picasso inspired show not only livened up a generally pretty predictable fashion month but it’s also got me searching up other times art has met fashion on the runway and thrown me down a particularly aesthetically pleasing wormhole I’m not sure I ever want to escape from (https://frontrowmagazine.ca/art-inspired-looks-were-all-over-the-runways-of-fashion-week-a74e8bc7ff0d and https://www.vogue.com/article/spring-2017-ready-to-wear-fine-arts-trends are good starting points!).

Mugler was also up there with the best of them, imo:

See, if the Moschino collection was all about dabbling in art class, Mugler’s S/S 2020 collection is its more mathematically inclined sister, all about sharp lines and deconstructed silhouettes and symmetry all whilst looking hot as fuck. So very Mugler, basically.

Now, this reference might be slightly off because I haven’t actually SEEN Ex-Machina yet but I imagine if Kim Kardashian were to channel that movie for a costume party she’d end up wearing something from this collection. That sounds like a roast because Kim has worn some questionable outfits but I blame Kanye for most of that and I’m referring to her on a good fashion day, alright!?

As for Off-White, it’s obviously a lot more commercial than most of the lines I’ve reviewed so far. Like, I can see a lot of these outfits on a mannequin in Urban Outfitters (no, I am not being paid to namedrop them, about 3 people in total read this Tumblr so any kind of sponsorship money would be severely wasted on me). That’s not necessarily a bad thing, and I love all of these looks; it just seems unfair to compare them to the the Mugler or Moschino collections, for example.

The stand outs for me are all on the bottom row: I would buy the utility vest, leather blazer and the all mesh turtleneck under washed-out tie-dye on the spot if I saw them in a high street store. Unfortunately, I feel like that’s kinda where they belong. You just expect collections to be a bit more conceptual, and this one is a little watered down, as much as it’s my style.

Oscar de la Renta was beautiful, of course. Not like I’m shook by how beautiful it is but kinda just what you’d expect from a brand with a name as poetic and fun to say as Oscar de la Renta. The silhouettes are dreamy and the details are as fit for a fairy princess (lmao) as ever. Plus can I just say how happy I am to see butterflies on dresses for adult women again!? And dresses worn by Blanca Padilla nonetheless!? Very here for it.

Next up is another on one of my fashion month highlights: Paco Rabanne.

LOOK AT THIS SHIT!

I mean, don’t get me wrong, something about this collection (I’m pretty sure it’s the knee high coloured socks) is giving me primary school teacher vibes, but I'm not mad about it. It’d be the kind of teacher who’s actually really good at their job and has loads of cool hobbies and a really hot boyfriend or girlfriend or wife or husband who you secretly want to be then you grow up/and or have a huge crush on.

Like with Marc Jacobs, there’s obvious flower child elements here, and whilst on the whole the former took my breath away slightly more, this is a lot more wearable. My favourites are the paisley print dress and cape on the left in the very bottom row and all the chainmail pieces (which remind me of the dress Naomi Smalls wore in that whole club ninety-sixxxxx skit on drag race), plus that floral cut out dress with the trailing flute sleeves, which is absolute PERFECTION.

The 70s influence was clear in Peter Pilotto’s S/S 2020 collection too from the abundance of tie-dye to the knit v-neck dress, zany colour and print being the very on-brand focus. That being said, this is definitely more of a street-style inspired collection than usual and whilst the floral suits and dresses on the 3rd row down are very typical Peter Pilotto, the tie-dye corset and combat trousers on the far right, second row from the bottom, are very Jaded London. As for the reoccurrence of the bucket hat, I’ve remained steadfastly against them for several years now (even when our Lord and Saviour Miss Robyn Rihanna Fenty started wearing them) but the way they’re done in this collection even I could definitely get behind; all in all, the show surpassed my expectations.

The same goes for Ports 1961, which was a lot more eccentric than I gathered is the norm from a few google searches. Honestly, I hadn’t really heard of the brand which, upon reading up on it, I feel very dumb for considering it has been around since (in the shock twist of the century) 1961.

Yes, I know how that sounds! But forgive me, I’m still learning:)

Anyway, the fishnet detailing alone pretty much sold the looks I picked out. Seriously, I got a pair of those bloody tights, like, 2 years ago when they became a thing again and now any outfit where I have my legs out feels incomplete without them.

Next is Prabal Gurung, which, as far as presentation goes, was fucking STUNNING:

I mean, you could say that I’m easily impressed and that the presence of the bouquets won me over (and you’d definitely have a point there), but it’s also this year’s Givenchy haute couture-esque feathers, the trailing pearl necklaces, the exaggerated shoulders, the dreamy colouring, the everything looking like it could’ve grown off a very fashionably-inclined tree. Like, there’s a lot to love here, from the naturalistic elements, to the context behind the show, an ode to American fashion history and those cast out of it (and the notion of “being American” in general) for so long.

Going from a high to a (personal) low, however, next we have Prada:

I don’t know, I get that it’s supposed to be simple and stripped back and dignified and whatever and I like the looks I picked but it’s just a bit blah for me. The bonnets that kept cropping up just didn’t do it for me and almost ruined what is an otherwise nice skirt suit (top right). Nonetheless, I like the silhouette of the sheer black dress and the the brocade print suit is really luxurious looking, even if the pattern is a *little* Wetherspoons carpet.

Anyways, here’s a quick overview of Rag and Bone:

So that I can stop moaning and get onto a collection I REALLY liked:

I am of course talking about Ralph and Russo. See, this is kinda what I expected from, like, Chanel and yet it’s Ralph and Russo that delivered. Also, it gives me Alessandra Rich vibes which is very much a compliment considering how much I love her designs. I mean, if Valley of the Dolls were to get another film remake in 2019, this is exactly what I’d like to see the female leads wearing, from the pastel suits to the satin kaftan style dresses. The yellow feather trimmed dress is practically a copy of something Marchesa has already done but it’s cute all the same. In my top 10 collections of the season, for sure.

Rick Owens was another strong collection; it goes without saying that it’s not the most wearable but that’s not really what Rick Owens is known for, so I wouldn’t expect anything else. If you want fashion on an alien planet, or something Lady Gaga would’ve worn in 2010, he's your man.

Next, Rodarte:

Obviously the dresses are beautiful and the set is magnificent, BUT...I’m really not a fan of the whole celebrities filling in for high fashion models thing. I like Lili Reinhart and I adore Kirsten Dunst, she’s been in a load of my favourite films, but in a similar vein to Dolce and Gabbana’s influencer show, it’s just distracting from the actual garments, if even worse because I don’t WANT to be distracted here (the same can’t be said for the D&G show, lol). If anybody has read this far, let me know your thoughts!

Roland Mouret was nice, and I always like a coed show, especially when a designer isn’t afraid to blur the lines of masculine and feminine. It’s fresh, lightweight and luxurious looking, Cannes film festival street style eat your heart out, and I love the colour palette.

Similarly, colour was my favourite thing about Sally LaPointe’s S/S 2020 collection.

I would never think that teal and burnt orange would work together, let alone in some kind of faux leather, and yet here we are. Orange is in itself always an interesting colour choice, perfect for the summer with a tan, and I really love monochrome outfits, even though they’re something that ends up being quite pricey to put together; slight differences in tone are okay but if you just randomly throw together a few things and they’re too off, it really doesn’t work and you’d have been better off wearing contrasting colours. For that reason, I’m just gonna admire that all-pink outfit from a distance.

As for Schiaparelli, it’s one I always look forwards to for the sheer weirdness. RTW isn’t quite as kooky as haute couture but still, the interesting choices are still there; what at first glance appears to be flame print is actually coils of hair, and paired with a water print suit is a sequinned jacket emblazoned with a paradisiacal mirage. Ornament-like facial decorations as seen in the over-exaggerated glasses worn with the pony hair suit are also one of my favourite new things to happen in the high fashion scene in the past couple of months and I can’t wait to see how they get watered down to become more approachable for us...regular, non-structurally blessed folks who can’t pull off anything and everything.

Simone Rocha was STUNNING. Romantic and ethereal, it’s druid goddess crossed with upper class Victorian woman of leisure, equal parts delicate and grungy, like a modern, fashion version of Lady Gaga’s Scathach in the Roanoke season of American Horror Story. You know, in the flashbacks, not in present day when she was all gross and like...scalping people and shit. Each dress is so ornate and has such an interesting structure, and the fabric choices give off an organic kinda vibe that create a handmade feel; the collection is, imo, really worthy of being shown under a haute couture heading. When it comes to my favourite element of the show, I’m torn between the petticoats and the hair accessories. I’m just gonna give a cop-out answer and say both.

Stella McCartney on the other hand, is very much a clear ready-to-wear collection.

It’s pretty, for sure. The pastel blazers paired with delicate white mesh tops underneath are a gorgeous combination for spring and I like the reoccurrence of the chain glasses (Gucci, right?). But I mean, when you go from Simone Rocha to this, it’s a bit anticlimactic. Plus, if I’m honest, kaftans are always going to remind me of Honey Mahogany from season 5 of Drag Race. Don’t get me wrong, I’m sure she’s a lovely person but her runway looks aren’t really ones I look back fondly on, and you’re lying if you say you enjoyed them for anything other than meme purposes.

Temperley is equally meh, though the return of the Erdem-style boating hats is getting me excited that high street retailers might actually pick up on the trend and bring out some cheap ones for me to embarrass myself by wearing.

I also love a good 70s suit, the neckerchiefs are cute and there are some really delightful prints here that are a more unique approach to florals for spring.

Coming towards the end now, next is Thom Browne:

I LOVE this. Like, don’t get me wrong Rick Owens was cool but I adore how on the nose the concept is here; time to bring back all the Marie Antoinette puns I didn’t get to use in my Versailles Instagram post. I don’t know if it’s the history buff in me or the Sofia Coppola Stan but I will always be willing to sign any kind of treaty for anything related to the excesses of the 18th century French monarchy, and this is that turned up to 1000 infused with a dash of the Teletubbies, which sounds like a nightmarish concept, I know, but as high fashion it WORKS.

Tory Burch was very commercial, seemingly half inspired by Monterey yoga moms and the other half by Hamptons socialites.

And then there was Valentino, which was fucking exquisite, imo. LIKE, CALLING DOCLE & GABBANA: THIS IS HOW YOU MAKE TROPICAL PRINT INTERESTING. YOU MAKE THE VELVET MONKEY’S ARM THE FRICKEN WAISTBAND.

Seriously, though, I am enamoured with this colour palette; all the whites and golds are angelic and fr, I didn’t know until now that you could make neons this elegant. I’m also getting an almost clerical feel from a lot of these looks, with the plaited waistband on the black dress that’s 7th row down in the middle, the stunning red cape and the multitude of exaggerated neck ruffs. I think I’ve mentioned before but I always love religious references in clothing-I don’t think I’ll ever get over the 2018 Met Gala-and so whether I’m reading too much into it or not, this collection really did it for me.

Whilst it’s probably as far removed a collection from Valentino’s S/S 2020 contribution you can get, I also loved Vera Wang this season. It might purely (I PROMISE THIS IS MY LAST GOSSIP GIRL REFERENCE) be because it gives me Jenny Humphrey vibes and *controversial* she did have my favourite style of any of the main characters, but sue me, this is just the right amount of late 90s/early 2000s grunge. Deconstructed trashy goth it girl is an interesting concept to see on the runway and I completely support it.

Versace on the other hand was very hit or miss. The looks I picked out I really loved but ultimately, for one of the household name brands, a lot of the actual garments were a bit pedestrian. I will say though that for me, it’s a case of the whole being greater than the sum of its parts. The slicked back mermaid hair and the pops of colour in the makeup and the interesting necklines meant that when it was good, it was GOOD. However, overall, still a bit too 80s Miami businesswoman, and please GOD, can we leave that hideous J-Lo dress in the past, it should really not be the climax of the show in 20-fucking-19!

As for Victoria Beckham, I liked it, but it’s a bit of a Gucci copy, no? And no way near as interesting?

And on that note, I’m gonna have to cut this off. Super annoying but with only 5 collections left that I want to talk about, Tumblr is being a little bitch and will not let me add anything more to this post. So, see you in 5 for the final post!

Lauren x

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krumbine · 5 years ago

Text

Explorers of the Unknown vs the Last Gift Shop on the Left

A mysterious gift shop appears overnight in a city known for weird, paranormal, and sometimes apocalyptic activities.

But it's probably no big deal.

It's just a gift shop.

Probably.

###

By all accounts, Greenville was a weird place.

For starters, the weather was always perfect. Mid-70s, optimistically sunny, and always a gentle breeze no matter how isolated you might have thought you were from the breeze. On its face, this might not seem very weird, but if you found yourself alone in a dark alley, a ray of that weirdly optimistic sun illuminating a sickly green hyper-intelligent blob of undulating goop the relative size of a commercial refrigerator, and all of your clothes suddenly decided to leap two feet to your left through a process of molecular destabilization and general telekinetic absurdity courtesy of the sickly green hyper-intelligent blob of undulating goop … trust me when I say that a gentle breeze across your exposed rear in the middle of an otherwise walled-off alley would be inarguably weird.

In the annals of Greenville weirdness, a Tyrannosaurus Rex rampaged through the suburbs, a morose zombie who couldn’t stand being undead was the key to undoing an apocalypse, a local library was infested with vampires, irrationally malevolent mole men from Mars chose a local office building basement as the teleportation entry point for an ill-advised invasion, and the local burger joint featured a talking trash can that got a binary gender greeting correct at least fifty-percent of the time.

By all accounts, Greenville was a very weird place.

One of the weirdest spots in this idyllic American city was a short strip—no more than a mile in length—of one of the main roads that cut straight through the city. The strip was densely packed with all flavors of tourist traps from the infamous never-escape-game room (really, you won’t), extreme putt-putt (you have to sign a waiver but you don’t have to pay extra for the hazard insurance), a Triassic Encounter (located adjacent the putt-putt course and you get a 10-percent discount if you buy tickets to both attractions at once; also, keep your fingers away from the cages), and everything along the strip was anchored by the Greenville Visitor Center, a small shanty manned by a crazy old man with a long white beard who did his best to convince visitors that the Never Escape Game was actually, absolutely escapable. It might have taken six years, but the crazy old man had escaped.

Or did he? Was the shanty and the strip just some kind of existential, cosmic extension of the escape game?

If you ever visit Greenville, try not to get into a philosophical discussion about reality, escapism, and ten-percent discounts with the crazy old man at the at the visitor center.

Aside from the world’s only Weirdatorium (“Uncle Al’s Weirdatorium Emporium: half-priced Tuesdays and complimentary wheat grass sno-cones for groups of eight or more!”) the really weird thing about the Greenville tourism district were the gift shops.

While most people are familiar with the exit-through-the-gift-shop trope, wherein the gift shop naturally grew from the local attraction and existed to support said attraction (example: Uncle Al’s Weirdatorium Harmonium, a Greenville exclusive) the weirdness of Greenville caused a new strain of gift shop to evolve. These new gift shops no longer required a host attraction and in some places, you could even find gift shops that were located at the exit of other gift shops.

There were only three total scientific experts who had spent any time studying the gift shop epidemic and two of three traced its roots to the Greenville tourism district. (The third scientific expert traced the epidemic to Orlando, but his research was later dismissed as thinly-veiled propaganda for a certain rodent-based entertainment empire.)

In short order, the Greenville gift shop epidemic escalated to the absolutely terrifying point where one of these weird, monstrous, free-standing garish gift shops mysteriously appeared on a lot that had been completely empty just the day before.

Greenville was a very weird place, indeed.

Doors slid open and a series of melodic notes played underneath a generic, cheery song that almost sounded poppy, but every third and seventh note seemed to be off. Three figures stood inside the entrance of the gift shop. The one in the middle wore brown slacks with a matching buttoned dress vest. He pushed a pair of black-framed glasses up his nose as he surveyed the first floor of the gift shop.

An overly cheery gift shop employee: “Hello, welcome!”

The employee drifted away leaving the three people to themselves.

“Let’s try and keep this clean, boys,” Jordan said. “Recon only. Assess the situation, establish any paranormal parameters, keep a low profile, and get out. It’s probably just a gift shop, but I see no reason we can’t collect our minimum fee on this.”

On Jordan’s right was his brother, Jason. Jeans, t-shirt, leather jacket. Strong features and a stronger chin. He wore his hair long and in a ponytail because manly men have pony tails.

“First of all, you literally just repeated everything you said in the parking lot, like, thirty seconds ago,” Jason said, eyeballing a display of Greenville, USA! shot glasses with custom names. “Secondly, it’s called standard operating procedure for a reason. You don’t have to treat us like children.”

Jordan was temporarily impressed with Jason’s grasp of ‘standard operating procedures’ not because his brother was particularly stupid (although it was well-established that Jordan was the brains and Jason was the brawn of this operation) but because Jason usually lacked the patience to grasp anything of substance.

“I think it’s safe to say we know what we’re doing,” Jason said with a smirk. His eyes darted to one of the shot glasses. “Ooh! This one has my name but they spelled it wrong!”

Jason grabbed the glass that had ‘Jayson’ printed on it. The glass came from the lower end of the display and dozens of shot glasses promptly collapsed and shattered on the floor. Jason shifted awkwardly, looking up from his misspelled shot glass.

Jordan sighed.

To Jordan’s right: “My money’s on a government conspiracy,” Chris said while rubbing his chin, eyebrow arched. He was tall, lanky, and had short-cropped platinum blonde hair. Chris wore athletic shorts and a form-fitting t-shirt, an outfit designed to allow for a maximum range of flexibility. “My guess is that the government probably setup the shop overnight as an economic stimulus.”

Jordan was confused. “An economic—”

Chris shrugged. “Hey, it’s not like everything we do has to involve the end of the world,” referring to the countless times the world had ended during one of their paranormal investigations. It was a trope.

Jason squinted, not unlike Clint Eastwood. “Sometime’s a gift shop is just that …” Jason paused dramatically.

The three paranormal investigators silently looked at each other as Jason squinted and wiggled his eyebrows in a fashion he no doubt assumed was suspenseful.

It wasn’t.

Another long moment passed and Jordan decided Jason was finished.

“Let’s spread out—”

“—a gift shop,” Jason finally said through gritted teeth. In his normal voice, and quickly: “Sometime’s a gift shop is just that, a gift shop.”

“You done now?”

“Yeah, that’ll do.” Jason tossed the misspelled shot glass in the air and caught it, placing it daintily on the shattered display. “So we’re clear, though, my money is on this being a waste of time.”

“Waste of time or not, Milton Cranstead is still paying our minimum fee.”

“I’m not sure I’d trust the crazy old man at the visitor center to pay for a free lunch, much less our fee,” Chris said.

“Also, serious question,” Jason said gravely before his tone shifted completely, face scrunched like he just sucked a lemon wedge. “Can’t we do something a little more fun?” he whined.

“Your idea of fun is punching things,” Jordan replied.

“Your point is?”

Jordan sighed and mentally reset. “Chris, see if you can’t poke around the second floor. Jason, you’re on perimeter. I’ll run the spectroscopic analysis for trace ectoplasmic particles and we’ll meet back here in ten. Easy money, fellas.”

“Can I say one thing?” Chris asked.

“No.” Jordan pulled a smartphone-sized gadget with a large antenna from his back pocket.

“Government conspiracy.”

“Guys?” Jason asked flatly. His attention had been pulled to the interior of the gift shop.

A new voice from behind the boys. It was deep and mesmerizing, not unlike Patrick Warburton. “I can categorically deny that this is not a government operation. Not even a secret one. Yeah. I would know.”

“Guys—”

Jordan and Chris spun on their heels (Jason still transfixed on something else). A tall man, broad shoulders, dressed in a black suit stood behind them at the entrance of the gift shop. The man’s appearance was not unlike Patrick Warburton.

“Agent Bob!” Chris exclaimed and promptly enveloped the man in a hug that was all arms and a little leg. “Holy popsicles, dude, the last time we saw you—”

Agent Bob attempted to extricate himself from Chris’ embrace. “Mongolian army. Viscous ooze. Some really bad female character development.”

Jordan shrugged. “We learn, we grow.”

Agent Bob eyeballed the three very male paranormal investigators. “Mmh.”

Chris unwound himself and grabbed Agent Bob’s shoulders. “Wait a sec––you’re saying this whole gift shop thing isn’t one of yours?”

“Nope. I’m here same as you,” Agent Bob said. “My guys need to know how this place just showed up overnight.”

Chris’ eyes went wide. “Well, this just got interesting!”

Jordan’s handheld ectoplasmic spectrometer pinged a worrisome note.

“Guys!” Jason yelled.

Two paranormal investigators and one secret government agent turned to look at what Jason was fixated on.

What appeared to be the entire staff of the gift shop had gathered at the front of the store. They looked normal enough, wearing a standard uniform of green slacks, white polo, and a green vest with a shiny white badge pinned to the breast that simple read ‘Hello!’.

“Hello.”

“Welcome.”

“Hi.”

“Hello.”

The greetings echoed eerily across the gathered staff and that was when Jordan noticed the first really weird thing about the people who worked at the gift shop.

Both their eyes and their grins were a little too wide.

Agent Bob squinted. Less Clint Eastwood and more distressed Patrick Warburton. “… I’ve got a bad feeling about this.”

Chris nodded. “Yeah. Maybe the crazy old guy at the visitor center isn’t so crazy after all.”

Jordan gulped. He had noticed the second really weird thing about the gift shop employees.

The didn’t have feet. It was hard to notice at first, as if something inside him was refusing to acknowledge the abnormality, blurring it out in the periphery of his vision. But when he focused, Jordan could look down and see that none of the employees had feet. Their legs tapered down into a single, sinuous, green and yellow-veined protrusion that rolled backwards to an unseen location.

“Welcome, hello.”

“Hi, welcome.”

“Hello.”

The gift shop staff shifted—nope, strike that, they straight up undulated—and Jordan noticed the final really weird thing: there was no individual gift shop employee—they were all tentacles of a much, much larger creature.

The handheld ectoplasmic spectrometer buzzed and then began issuing a series of alarm bells.

Chris pulled at his arm to stretch his shoulder. “So much for it not being the end of the world.”

“Hey now, we don’t know—”

“Jordan!”

“Okay, fine.”

Agent Bob reached into his inside coat pocket. “Definitely not government.”

“Hello, welcome, hi.”

Jason grinned. He was going to get to punch something after all.

###

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Jordan Krumbine is a professional video editor, digital artist, and creative wizard currently quarantined in Kissimmee, Florida. When not producing content for the likes of Visit Orlando, Orlando Sentinel, or AAA National, Jordan is probably yelling at a stubbornly defective Macbook keyboard, tracking creative projects in Trello, and animating quirky videos with LEGO and other various toys.

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