#psychotictalk

[whatismeta-blog]

Schizophrenia and delusions

Delusions are a tricky one.

In essence they're like and unshakeable belief in something. But not something normal

Like, a belief that everyone is watching you. Or that anything you don't do or offer for they're all waiting and watching to demand that one thing of you.

A belief you are actually dead. Not alive but a mass of decaying sentience. Something that never has or will really be able to be alive.

Honestly I've never been good talking about my delusions. When you do, especially with the more momentary delusions, or specific ones. People stop trusting you. They stop believing you. They start looking at you skeptically about everything you say. Or Simply look on in disgust.

As for dealing or helping with them. I don't have much. I know what really to tell you. Cause when someone just says something isn't real, that doesn't counteract what's in your head, insisting its reality.

But I've found, physical contact, and reassurance helps. Deep breaths, and just someone or something that grounds you to what is.

If you see or know someone experiencing delusion. Just differed into them, don't Give their brain ammo to keep shooting those thoughts into our heads. Listen to what we're saying. And take it to heart. Don't feed the monster

Though they aren't the same thing, if someone is experiencing delusions, it's because of stress and stuff like that. You tell a person that's having a panic attack to just get over it, or that maybe they are worthless

So don't look at us, and say "oh you're just over reacting", or in the ever so common "maybe God is speaking you" or things like that

[a-fools-jester]

The neurodivergent representation that we get in the media is horrible. Why? you may ask. Well, mostly because we’re the antagonists or we’re the victims. Either we get painted as villains or we get dehumanized into something less than human for pity points. It’s rare to see movies or films show us with accurate symptoms and a fully-developed character and not just ____-code characters or use us as a trope. 

We have:

The “funny” kid with ADHD. So popular, always forgetful- hey look a butterfly

The genius autistic man that knows what you did 2 years, 7 months and 3 days ago by how you blink. 

Or on the other side of that coin, the “child in an adult body”, helpless, unable to do things others can, a tragedy.

The schizophrenic that hears people that tell him to kill people. No negative symptoms, delusions all tie in with the reason he’s violent and nobody ever thinks to treat him for schizophrenia.

The Abusive Bipolar who is a burden to their entire family. Always angry or in bed and their children cry outside the door of the bedroom.

OCD character with a color-coded closet. Move anything and they will Stab you. Do not do it. No obsessions are ever mentioned. All you know is they are super organized and perfectionistic.

The Anxious dorkball that somehow just looks cute and never shows any other of the ugly symptoms like shortness of breath, sweating, panic attacks, not leaving the house for days because the anxiety is too bad, or excessive fear. 

The Depressed teenage girl that is magically cured by a cute boy. 

But do we have accurately portrayed neurodivergent people? No. We have stereotypes and we have poorly-written characters whose arc ends in death or suffering. That’s the problem with the representation we get in the media- we don’t really see people like us getting a happy ending or learning to be happy with their life. It’s always in spite of their disorder, even though they’re disordered. And that’s not okay. People like us should have happy stories too. Tell the funny sides of the disorder, the dark sides of the disorder, the good and the bad times. 

But don’t reduce us to a caricature. 

[ryoukenkogami]

Schizophrenia Awareness Month 2019 // Day 2: delusions

This… is probably going to be the hardest topic for me to talk about out of all of them to be quite honest. No matter how far I’ve come in the process of accepting myself and being open about my struggles, my delusions are the one thing I’ve very rarely (if at all?) spoken about publicly because quite frankly? I’m still afraid of what people will think of me. They were, however, the first symptom I began experiencing back senior year of high school. At the time I was going through my most prolonged mental health spiral to date and this was also the time period I first started seeing a psychiatrist (and they refused to diagnose me with anything other than severe depression even though I was referred to see one because of my therapist thinking I was displaying traits of type ii bipolar disorder… which I was later diagnosed with that summer, and which my medication for actually helps unlike the ridiculous list of antidepressants they tried to put me on prior to that). At the time my delusions were a safe haven for me; they made me feel like everything going to shit was okay and that I could just ignore it, because in the end none of it would matter. I won’t go into too much detail as like I said I’m still not very comfortable with it, but the long story short is they very prominently had to do with the idea of reality/unreality, which is something that did stick with me and became a very big trigger for more severe psychotic episodes within the next year or so following that. I never realized it was anything “different” than how other people thought at the time because 1)  I didn’t talk to anyone about it anyways because of how innately personal it felt, and 2) I was convinced I was special in a way other people weren’t, so why would I tell them and make them feel bad about themselves? These became more severe when I left for college though and fueled a lot of the bad decision making I did at the time when it came to taking care of my body and the things I would put it through. My favorite story to tell people is about the one time I walked all the way from the state house downtown to Cayce in nearly freezing weather wearing shorts and a crop top just because I was absolutely thoroughly convinced I was not vulnerable to the elements (for those of you not in the Columbia, SC area: this was like an hour walk, and yes I made it perfectly fine) just because it’s one I can laugh about and find pretty funny in retrospect. The reality of it is I was barely eating (maybe one thing that could be considered a small “meal” a week a lot of the time) because of the convictions I held about what my body could go through, I became a (poly)addict because I thought it would give me more insight into my delusions, and in general I did a lot of extremely impulsive and dangerous things that thankfully did not end up causing long-term harm. I still live every day with the same beliefs, but they’re more of a background noise a lot of the time unless something in particular triggers it to blow back up. I haven’t had a really severe psychotic episode where they got to the point they affected how I function in a year now which is a huge relief (the last one was right around this time last year though).

On a less personal note, this topic brings me to something that’s been grating on me more and more over the past few months. Please, for the love of fucking god, can we stop using “delusional” as an insult. Collectively we’re at the point where most people who’re respectful towards those with mental illnesses have stopped using terms like “psycho” to describe people, and some have opted away from “crazy” too (which I appreciate), but “delusional” is one I still see CONSTANTLY from people who otherwise seem to be big advocates for awareness and respect, including non-psychotics who have mental illnesses themselves. Psychotic disorders are some of the most heavily stigmatized, and this does absolutely nothing beyond reinforce the idea that delusions are something to be shamed and othered for; it’s the reason I feel afraid to talk about mine too. The stigma surrounding them feels heavier than the other positive symptoms of psychosis for me, including hallucinations. At least with those, people have some kind of understanding of them (whether it’s exactly accurate or not…) and are more likely to display concern rather than disgust. Delusions don’t get the same sympathy. Delusions mean “there’s something seriously wrong with you, you need help, you must be crazy to believe something like that!” and it seriously pisses me off so much. Do you think we don’t know there’s something different about us? Believe it or not, many of us are self-aware and realize that these things are delusions. That does not, however, make them any less real to us and you trying to convince us otherwise does infinitely more harm than good.

Delusional people deserve respect, and it’s something we often aren’t given. Delusional has become synonymous in most people’s minds with irrational behavior, when it’s a term many with psychosis feel wary to even use to describe their experiences out of extreme fear for how we’ll be perceived by those we love and trust, let alone the general public.

Respect people with delusions, whether they’re delusions of persecution, of grandeur, somatic, or anything else, and using “delusional” as a pejorative for people you think are being irrational. I promise, there will always be a much better way to describe someone without using a word that demonizes a serious symptom of psychosis, and, given that the rates for schizophrenia alone are 1 in 100 people (I say this because there are quite a few other mental illnesses that can cause psychosis/specifically delusions) they likely affect someone you know and care about.

[takataapui]

schizo awareness month prompts 2019 #5

List of prompts here, my last post here.

Just now realising that I could have scheduled these posts for like a week apart. Sorry to everyone who’s being spammed with these. Not sorry enough to stop though.

5 more beneath the read more!

21. How do your symptoms affect you in your everyday life?

Oh boy, my day to day functioning has gone way downhill. Some days I can’t leave the house because everyone’s trying to kill me and being outside my safe space is dangerous, sometimes I can’t sleep because the demon possessing me won’t let me, things like that.

Things like negative symptoms fucking me over when I’m trying to do homework, or even get out of bed.

For the most part, it’s getting more manageable with meds, but it’s still a daily struggle.

22.  When/how did you realize you had schizophrenia/get diagnosed?

Uuuh, up until today I thought I had schizoaffective disorder. Then my doctor explained why she doesn’t think I do, so I guess now I see her point of view.

But I don’t have an official diagnosis, just a verbal confirmation that I have schizophrenia, and just that has taken 4 years.

23.  Schizophrenia and creativity For me, schizophrenia both inspires and deadens my creativity. Certainly, the bizarre delusions my brain comes up with is a form of creativity, and I get many good ideas from my schizophrenia, but at the same time, as it sucks away my motivation it makes being creative that much harder than it already is.

24.  This is what schizophrenia looks like

/my-face

But also, it looks like people who look the same as everyone else, people who are visibly neuroatypical, people talking to themselves, people with their backs to walls and refuse to move, people who can’t bring themselves to make eye contact, people who can’t leave the house, just, people.

25.  Do you have any advice for newly diagnosed schizophrenics?

Lol, I am one. So I guess I don’t really have any advice for us.

Thanks for reading!

[psychotic-spectrum]

Schizophrenia Awareness Month Official prompt list 2018 12. Coping methods

General Coping Strategies

Some coping skills can be used to alleviate a variety of symptoms that schizophrenics may experience, such as voices, or delusions that someone is spying on them:

''Utilize distraction.'' Like with most mental illnesses, distraction is a key coping skill. Some schizophrenic patients find music, TV, or audio books to be good distractors. Patients who hear voices often find these auditory distractors to be successful.

''Document symptoms through a diary.'' Always documenting when a person suffers symptoms helps them track patterns and can provide insight into coping with the symptoms.

''Assess and test reality.'' This technique involves the assistance of a trusted person, who is honest with the schizophrenic at all times and can inform them if their symptoms are real or imagined. Additionally, they can be around to help distract a schizophrenic if they need help.

''Join a support group.'' Schizophrenics can benefit from the support of others who are dealing with the same challenges and obstacles. Being able to speak with others about certain delusions or hallucinations can also help with reality testing.

''Avoid stimulants like alcohol, drugs, and caffeine.'' Although avoiding these may not make all symptoms disappear, it can help lessen the symptoms.

''Find a relaxing escape.'' This might be a hot bath, painting, taking a walk, or sitting on the beach. Incorporating these aspects into daily life can not only interrupt hallucinatory events but prevent some from happening as well.

[schizosupport]

Day 24: This can be what schizophrenia looks like. 

Pictured here is me with a fever, trying to look approachable and avoiding looking directly at the camera, and me hiding behind sunglasses, forgetting to smile because I always have to consciously make myself smile which means I smile too much (creepy) or too little (aloof) neither of which are ideal ways to come off.

-Kit

Ps. I am not driving that car, I can’t really drive even though I managed to get a driver’s license after three years, I’m just in Japan where carstuff is opposite to most of the world.

[psychoticmelancholiac]

Schizophrenia Awareness Month: Introduction

So, I am late to this but I figured out why not.

Who am I?

My name is Mantu. I am a girl of colour living in New Delhi, India. I am nearly twenty years old. In fact, I'll be twenty in a few days. I am majoring in Biotechnology from a university here in Delhi. I am usually high functioning but I break down every now and then.

These days are one of those down times.

I have had psychotic depression for years before I was finally diagnosed with it when I was 17. The diagnosis was finally changed to Schizophrenia. I have other problems too — a history of drug abuse and pathological lying being two of those.

Those problems of mine are older than my schizophrenia diagnosis. I was a Heroin addict for nearly five years. I tried to become clean recently but ended up relapsing and I still hate myself for that. I have been clean for 10 days as I write this.

I love spreading awareness about Schizophrenia and am quite open about my illness with my friends. It took them some time to accept that yes, it is, in fact, all in my head and yes, the head does affect the person. But they understand now. I have been in and out of the hospital several times now and frankly, I have lost count.

I am one of those people whom others don't think can be mentally ill. I am the one who breaks inside quietly.

[lunarfoxfire]

day 3: hallucinations

alot of my hallucinations are auditory, like hearing my name or ive heard singing, which is rly weird, like rly muffled singing

ive also seen like blood on the walls or on my hands & seen shadowy things, usually like darting across the room & stuff so i think ive seen a mouse or something but nope, nothings there

i also sometimes get olfactory ones, where i smell something thats not there, but that doesnt happen v often

[irl]

hey

day one, intro post, lets see if i can keep up, no promises.

its 1.06 am on may 1st

my name is beck and im a dirty schizo ✌

i got diagnosed with bpdr and generalized anxiety and depression and the works until i got moved to a different brain chick and she was like hold up no. she actually listened to what i was saying and experiencing and gave me the diagnosis at the tender age of baby (18).

i dont go out of my way to hide it but i dont outright state it. its part of who i am but its not a part of my identity for the most part

[a-fools-jester]

How to help someone schizophrenic:

Be aware of their limits and triggers, no matter how weird they sound

Respect their boundaries

Listen to what they have to say even if you disagree with it. Just listen and try to understand.

Don't argue with their delusions.

Don't mistake their negative symptoms for personal weakness and a lack of willingness to grow or recover

Respect their choice to take or not take medication

Let them share their experiences with you without making them feel that it's unnatural or wrong

Evaluate their mental and emotional status, see if they're suicidal or a danger to themselves

Don't lie to them or rile them up intentionally

Don't use their schizophrenia against them

Don't underestimate them because of their illness

Don't put them in a box and forget that they are all individuals with their own traits and experiences

Remember not to lose compassion

[ryoukenkogami]

Last year someone made a prompt list for Schizophrenia Awareness Month, and since I didn’t see one for 2019, I decided this year I’d follow through and complete the ones from last year. So.... here we go?

Schizophrenia Awareness Month 2019 // Day 1: introduction

As everyone knows hi I'm Felix, and as less of you might know (although I am pretty open about it), I’m schizophrenic. I was diagnosed last May, and have been dealing with increasing symptoms of psychosis since my senior year of high school (when I was around 18). I’m not 100% sure what to say for this one really, because it feels like prompts later along the line are more fitting for a lot of that ^^; I guess for now I’ll leave it at acknowledging how much it affects my day to day life, and that I hope non-psychotics will learn a lot this month and gain new knowledge, awareness, acceptance, and respect for those of us with schizophrenia.

[takataapui]

schizophrenia awareness month prompts 2019 #2

Heyo, check out the list of prompts here, and my last post (part 1) here

Jumping back in below the read more! 

6. Cognitive Symptoms

I have difficulty concentrating for more than like half an hour, I am really bad at coming up with new ideas and taking initiative. I also have really crap memory if it’s not something I care deeply about. I know that’s ‘normal’, but like, no, really. It’s bad.

7. Stigma

I know there’s heaps of stigma about being schizophrenic/psychotic, but I’ve been lucky enough to not have anything super horrible directed at me, mostly because everyone I’ve told has been in a safe place with other people holding them accountable, so while I’m sure shit has been said behind my back, I’ve gotten off lightly.

I fight the stigma by telling people pretty freely that I have psychosis and almost... daring them to say something.

I think I’m lucky enough to be in a position where I am safe enough to tell people this, and I recognise that a lot of other schizophrenic ppl aren’t safe and I’m sure one day this will bite me in the ass but I don’t care enough about my own safety to stop lmao

Also, I call myself psychotic and crazy because I’ve reclaimed those words. I don’t say the p slur though.

8. Correct a misconception/myth

The myth that ‘crazy people don’t know they’re crazy’. While many people with psychosis or on the schizo spectrum don’t have insight, many of us do, and we are aware. That phrase is only said to dismiss psychotic ppl’s concerns of their own mental health, and isn’t helpful at all.

9. Representation in media

Why are we always used as inspiration porn? We’re always shown like ‘ooh look at this brave schizophrenic overcoming their massive disability to do amazing things’ and ‘doesn’t their terrible situation make us neurotypical people feel so good and lucky about ourselves?’.

The only good and accurate and well-researched schizophrenia in media that I’ve consumed is Challenger Deep by Neal Shusterman, which I have recommended to family and friends alike so they can get a feel for what I’m going through on a daily basis. Everyone I’ve made read it has said they understand a lot more about psychosis. But watch out if you’re mentally ill yourself, it can be really heavy and often causes an uptick in my symptoms when I read it if I’m not in a good place.

10. Comorbid Diagnosis

I’ve got schizophrenia comorbid with some form of depression. I don’t have any formal diagnoses actually, just verbal confirmation from my doctor.

Thanks for reading! 

[psychotic-spectrum]

Schizophrenia Awareness Month Official prompt list 2018 14. Tips on how to best help and support a person with schizophrenia

Taken  from webMD webpage:

Giving support to a family member or friend with schizophrenia means helping him get the medical and psychological treatment he needs. But it also means taking care of yourself at the same time.

Use these 10 ideas to create an action plan that works for both of you.

1. Educate Yourself

Schizophrenia is a difficult mental illness to understand. So learn as much as you can. The more information you have, the better prepared you will be to deal with it.

You’ll also be better able to support your family member with schizophrenia. And that can boost the odds that he will stick with his treatment, even when things gets tough.  

2. Be Goal-Oriented

A doctor will set up a wellness plan with your loved one that will include specific goals. If you’re not sure who to call to get treatment started, try your family doctor, who may refer you to a psychiatrist.

Your job as a caregiver is to remind your loved one how important it is to stick to his goals, and to encourage him to stay on his medication. He needs to follow his treatment plan to help prevent the disease from coming back and keep his symptoms from getting worse.

3. Keep Track of Details

Go to all doctor appointments with your loved one. It will make it easier for you to help him with his treatment plan. Ask his doctor as many questions as you need, and keep details. Remember: The doctor is there to help both of you.

Also, take notes to every appointment. Some things to include are:

Your loved one’s recent symptoms (what they are and when they started)

Any other medical conditions he may have

New sources of stress (these can include major life changes)

Medications, vitamins, herbs, or any other supplements that he has taken, as well as the dosage

4. Join Support Groups

Encourage your family member or friend to join a group, and make sure he gets to the meetings. In these support groups, he will be among other people with schizophrenia who will share their experiences. It may help him feel less alone.

The Schizophrenia and Related Disorders Alliance of America (SARDAA) and National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) both offer support.

5. Avoid Stress

Activities like yoga, tai chi, and meditation can make both of you feel more relaxed. Try to do them regularly so you can use them in a crisis.

6. Learn How to Respond

When someone with schizophrenia has hallucinations (hears or sees things that aren’t there) or delusions (believes things that aren’t true, even when he gets proof that they’re false), he believes they are real. It doesn’t help him to say they’re not.

Instead, tell him that you each see things in your own way. Be respectful, kind, and supportive, and call his doctor if needed.  

If he’s acting out hallucinations, stay calm, call 911, and tell the dispatcher he has schizophrenia. While you wait for paramedics, don’t argue, shout, criticize, threaten, block the doorway, touch him, or stand over him. Also avoid direct eye contact, which could make him feel threatened.

7. Be Ready to Respond

If a person with schizophrenia has a psychotic episode, which means their hallucinations or delusions become a lot worse and more severe, you need to size up the situation quickly and decide who to call.  If another person is available, ask them to stay with your loved one while you contact the doctor or 911.

If your loved one threatens suicide, don’t leave him alone. If his behavior becomes dangerous, immediately call 911 and ask for the police. Tell them he has schizophrenia and explain the situation, but let them handle it. Police are trained to evaluate and manage people with psychotic disorders and other types of emotional distress. Call his doctor to let her know what’s going on, as well.

On your smartphone, you can also download the Psychiatric Crisis Resources Kit app (from the Treatment Advocacy Center). It has state-specific standards on emergency hospitalization and can be useful in a crisis.

8. Know the Signs of Suicide

Most people with schizophrenia are harmless to others. They’re more likely to hurt themselves than anybody else. Sometimes that includes trying to take their own life. You should take any suicidal talk seriously, and pay attention to poems, notes, or any other things your loved one creates that are about death.

Also, be suspicious if he suddenly goes from depressed to cheerful. This change could mean he’s thinking about suicide. For help on the spot, call your doctor and the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-8255.

9. Stay in Touch

When a person with schizophrenia feels alone, his suicidal thoughts may increase. If you don’t live close by, you can help by staying in touch via telephone, text, email, and mail. Sending short notes like postcards and greeting cards can remind him how much you care.

10. Take Care of Yourself

It can be draining to look after someone with schizophrenia. You need to make nurturing yourself a top priority every day. It’s common for caregivers to feel sad, angry, alone, or afraid of what others will think.

Reach out to friends and family, and tell them what you need. They can:

Listen to you without judging you

Find information and doctors

Share hopeful stories, moral support, and spiritual guidance

Offer financial assistance

Do your housework and babysit your kids

Most of all, eat well, get enough sleep, exercise, and take part in fun activities. You can’t be “on call” 24 hours a day. So schedule guilt-free vacations and give yourself a complete break from time to time.

Here’s the link:

https://www.webmd.com/schizophrenia/schizophrenia-and-family#1

The most important of all... be there for us.

[nonamemeraki]

2. delusions

*possible trigger warning*

(reading/hearing about my delusions is one of the only things that really triggers me so for that reason i’m going to keep this short and sweet)

instead of explaining what delusions are i’m going to write about my personal experiences with them.

when i was eleven i lived for three months with the grandiose delusion that i was the devil. in those three months my family and the hospital had to force feed me as i would refuse to eat because i thought, as the devil, i didn’t need to eat to survive. i also held my arms and face over open flames and tried to set myself on fire multiple times because again i thought, as the devil, fire wouldn’t burn me. this shows that delusions are not just bizarre thoughts or ideas but are in fact really dangerous. since then i have also believed that i was a reincarnation of the mass suicide/serial killer jim jones.

i have persecutory delusions almost every second of the day (paranoid schizophrenia, it’s sorta in the title) but i have also have delusions of reference where i believed that road signs, newspaper articles, news reports and other things were directed at or about me. but those aren’t as common.

[schizosupport]

Day 23: Schizophrenia and creativity

This is…. a fraught topic for me. I feel like my former creativity, as well as my current lack of creativity, are both potentially connected to schizophrenia.

As a child I didn’t have a formal diagnosis. But everyone knew I had “too lively an imagination - for better or worse”. At the time I wore that as a badge of honor.

I’ve been telling stories since I learned how to talk. I was born a storyteller. I loved having an audience, I loved telling stories to myself, I loved everything about creating worlds and characters and situations. At the same time I was …challenged.. by my brain’s ability to make shit up, on a daily basis. My imagination was my greatest source of delight as well as my greatest source of distress.

In time I became more able to tell reality and imagination apart. But I also stopped telling stories. When I was 17-22 I barely wrote a word aside from the odd ff. I won’t say that I had no stories to tell, but they were further and further between.

Then at around 22-23 I decided to write a novel. A simple one. And to my own surprise, I did write a novel. A simple one. Nothing of the worlds I used to make; a simple story for young adults about daily life. but I finished, and that’s what mattered to me.

Now…. All I needed was to edit this novel. It never happened.

Things that had always been troublesome were bothering me more and more, some things had returned, and most importantly, the cat was out of the bag, people were poking at my denial, and eventually I gave in and said yes to antipsychotic treatment.

Antipsychotics changed the game. There was silence and calm where there had been commotion and anxiety. It was by no means a miracle cure to all my ailments, but it damn near was. 

But it also… dampened… who I am and what I am. The keywords of my childhood motto was “for better or worse” - and now it had been firmly decided that it’s “for worse”, to the point of eradication. And… 

Now I don’t…. come up with things. I sit down to draw and I can’t think up a single image. My brain does only a few things at a time now. Things have slowed down. 

Significantly.

I have no actual way of knowing if this decrease in creative energy is bc of antipsychotics, or a part of the negative symptoms. 

It would distress me, but I find it hard to muster up the energy to care.

I always thought I would go into the creative professions, that was always where my passion lied… But things change, I guess. They had already changed by 2014 when I decided to study psychology. I guess a part of me knew my creativity would never truly return from the war.

At the end of the day I think creativity lessens with age for many people, but for me, it has come and gone in waves, and it often connects to positive psychotic symptoms. If my creativity is really a casualty of meds, and not of the disorder itself… I will eventually face a choice between stability and the joy of creation. But right now I’m not ready to be on my own again, without the stability that the meds provide me. So it’ll be a while before I have a chance to find out the source of the problem.

-Kit

[doriansbutt]

schizophrenia/psychosis awareness month days 1-10

i just did days 1-10 to catch up so...under a cut for length...

1. Introduction I’m Butt.  I’ll be answering these from the psychosis angle, which I’ve been officially diagnosed with.  I see shadows and hear voices.  Most of the time, they’re benevolent, if a little unsettling.  But when I get bad, they’re more malevolent and persistent...but yeah most of the time they’re just annoying shadows chillin in my peripheral vision.

2. Delusions  & 3. Hallucinations Thoughts are hard.  Sometimes I’m convinced I’m not real? Also there’s the shadows and voices.  The voices are mean.  They’re more whispers than real voices.  They tell me all kinds of mean stuff….

4. Disorganized behavior/speech Yes lol.  Thinking and shit is hard, especially when you add ADD to the mix.  I often just leave sentences unfinished?  Like I’ll leave it on a “just…” or “and…”, etc. with no intention of finishing the thought…  Other times my brain will just get stuck on a word when I’m thinking.  Like, in the back of my mind I can think past the word, but the actual line of thought gets stuck.  Like a really intense stammer/stutter?  I-I-I-I-I-I-I don’t really know-know-know-know-know-know how to describe it besides like-like-like-like-like-like-like this.

5. Negative symptoms & 6. Cognitive symptoms Sometimes, when I have an episode (which happens only like a couple times a year), I sorta lose chunks of time?  I don’t remember doing certain things, etc.  Also I will often be overcome with a feeling of fear or dread.  Like just laying in bed and just frozen in fear.  I can’t move.  I’m terrified.  It’s dark and there’s something lurking there and it wants to get me.  This has been happening a lot lately?  Also if I’m kinda convinced I’m not/nothing is real, I’ll get kinda reckless and stuff.  Or I’ll like...idk hurt myself/beat myself up.  I can’t really control myself sometimes.  I’m only ever violent to myself.  I can kind of feel when I’m losing control and I’ll isolate myself.

7. Stigma Ugh.  I hate the stigma around psychosis.  “Psycho” and “crazy” have a shitty connotation thanks to media.  Constantly villainized.  We’re shooters, we’re menaces, we’re dangerous, we’re incapable of love, we’re the “psycho ex”...you name it.  It fuckin sucks.  There’s “how to deal with your psycho partner” or “these people are surprised they survived living with their crazy sibling/partner/relative/etc!”... It all needs to change.  I’m not scary or dangerous.  I deal with some shit but I know how to handle it with what I’ve got rn.

8. Correct a misconception/myth Shadows aren’t always like “oooh big spooky scary man standing in the corner and I’m terrified of him always”.  Sometimes there’s just a thing chillin’ on the toilet as you walk past the bathroom and you’re like “oh yeah I see u k bye”.   Just like….”don’t you have anything better to do? I’m gonna get a snack.”

9. Representation in media Needs to change.  Needs to be more accurate.  And needs to stop being used to scare people. 

10. Comorbid diagnoses Officially, my diagnosis is “severe depression with psychosis”, so there’s that.  Also anxiety.  BPD.  There’s probably some avoidant tendencies if not full AVPD.  Disordered eating…. yeah.