#proud of it because i drew it on my phone lol

[ayv-art]

Some practice I did for drawing in an anime style

[earl-grey-crow]

hey so have I ever mentioned that this very minor character from the guardians of the galaxy animated series is like. permanently installed in my brain.

[imaginespazzi]

Part 2: If Only You'd Been Here

Masterlist - Part 1 - Part 3 - Part 4 - Part 5 - Part 6 - Part 7

Ain't nobody hurt you like I hurt you (but ain't nobody love you like I do)

(In which a sadistic writer tortures her beloved ship a fair amount and maybe her readers too)

Pairing: Paige Bueckers X Azzi Fudd

Themes: Angst, Pining, Hurt/Comfort and maybe Fluff if you squint

Words: 6.5K (someone please be proud that it is in fact shorter 🙈)

TW: Swearing, Alcohol, Injuries, Alludes to Sexual Content

A/N: Good morning my lovelies <3 Just a couple of things I changed that you should know before you read. If you follow WCBB, you know UCLA didn't win the Pac-12 tournament in 2023 but in this universe they did. You also probably know they lost in the NCAA tournament last year to SC in the Greenville region but in this universe, for plot purposes, they're gonna be in the Seattle region. I kept their seeding and who they were playing vague because it was gonna get too complicated to figure out. Also if you saw my list of part titles a while ago, no you didn't lol. As always, feel free to know what you liked, what you didn't, and anything you'd like to see in future parts. And as you're reading, let's just remember y'all love me and everything I do is for the plot. Happy reading and have a wonderful week lovelies!

December 2022

The distinctly “car” smell of her car is starting to make Paige more than a little nauseous. Going by the way Drew is pouting in the passenger seat, he’s also clearly over it. They’ve been driving in circles for what feels like hours. At first, still enamoured with being allowed to sit in the front, her little brother had gone along with her ridiculousness. Now, as they approach maybe the 12th or so lap around the neighbourhood, he seems less than thrilled. 

“Alright let me out and you keep driving,” Drew says, fiddling agitatedly with his seatbelt, “I think I’m gonna puke.”

“Well hold it in,” Paige retorts unhelpfully as they re-round the block. She keeps her eyes focused on the road, ignoring the glare her brother sends her away. He takes in a dramatic breath and leans back onto his seat. She grips the steering wheel tighter as they pass the house again, still not brave enough to pull into the driveaway of a place she’d once considered just as much a home as her own. 

Drew lets out another groan, “I shoulda just stayed home.”

“Well you didn’t-” Paige’s reply is cut off by the sound of a phone call reverberating around the car. The CallerID reads “Azzi (DON’T YOU DARE IGNORE)”, a name the younger girl had plugged in herself with a warning look the day Paige had left LA. Chewing whatever dry skin is still left on her bitten-to-death lips, Paige clicks accept on the call. 

“What number lap is this?” comes Azzi’s exasperated voice and Paige can’t help the smile that creeps onto her face. 

“Oh you know my car’s feeling the need to exercise today,” Paige hums back, suddenly feeling a lot lighter than she had just a couple of seconds ago. Sometimes, she’s not sure how she managed to go a year with this constant heavy weight pressing down on her ribs, and no Azzi to slowly ease her out from under it. 

“Azziiiiii,” Drew whines dramatically, “please come save me. I’m gonna die in this car.”

Affronted, Paige splutters, “nobody forced you to come.”

“You begged me to come,” her young brother quips back and it elicits a laugh from the girl on the other end of the line. 

“I did-”

“Paige,” Azzi cuts her off, “just come inside okay? You’re wasting gas for nothing.”

“I- it’s just-,” Paige’s hands tighten even more around the wheel, as she stops on the sidewalk, switching on her turn signal, but still not entering the driveway. She leans her head against the wheel, overwhelmed by emotions she can’t quite name. Drew places a comforting hand on her back and she sends him a reassuring smile, trying to shield her younger brother from the havoc in her brain. 

“Hey,” Azzi’s voice floats through the fog, “it’s just me okay? Me and you and us. It’ll be okay. I promise.”

It’s like a child being soothed with their favourite binkie, that’s what Azzi’s promise feels like to Paige. She finally turns into the driveaway, and both Drew and Azzi cheer in tandem. The knot in her chest loosens just a little bit at that because the large crowds that scream for her make her feel adored, but this, her own personal cheer squad for her littlest of achievements, well it makes her feel loved. 

“Freedom,” Drew yells as he practically flings himself out of Paige’s barely parked car. She rolls her eyes fondly at her mini me as he dramatically pretends to kiss the ground. It’s a small distraction from the memories that are swirling like a tornado in her mind. Minnesota is home, it’ll always be home but this place, this had been her safe haven, something she could hold onto at a time where everything else was slipping out of her hands. And then, like a fool, she’d let go of it. 

The door opens even before they’ve made it halfway to the door and Azzi’s brothers run out into the front yard. Jon pretends to take pictures and José practically falls to his knees as they swarm around the blonde. 

“Paige, Paige, can we get a picture or an autograph please,” they yell teasingly, “please Miss Bueckers we’re your biggest fans.”

“Move over boys,” Tim Fudd’s booming voice hollers, as he swats his children away, “her biggest fan is actually me eh Paige?”

The girl in question nods solemnly, her smile stretching the full length of her face, and both Jon and José let out a groan as their father beams at Paige. And then Katie’s there, not a hint of anything but pure happiness on her face as she wraps the younger girl into a hug. Paige melts into the embrace, trying her hardest not to burst into tears. Because all she can think about is the hundreds of calls and texts from Azzi that she’d left unanswered, all she can think of is Azzi's devastated face as she’d told Paige about just how hard she’d tried and that wretched ache of i don’t deserve this i broke your daughters heart wraps itself around Paige’s  heart. 

Over Katie’s shoulder, Paige watches as Azzi finally walks out into the law, her cheeks immediately turning red from the cold. The younger girl winks at Paige with a radiant smile, before giving all her attention to Drew who almost trips as he excitedly launches himself into Azzi, tiny hands wrapping around her waist. Paige watches, still buried in the warmth of Katie’s arms, as Drew animatedly tells Azzi all the stories he possibly can and Azzi nods along emphatically as if she’s being told the most important facts of her life. And Paige takes a snapshot of it to add to her ever growing collection of moments i just knew. 

***

January 2023

“Call her.”

Paige doesn’t bother replying, burying her face further into her tear-soaked pillow. Maybe if she ignores her teammate, Caroline will get the message and go away. The earth-shattering pain that she’d subdued for the last couple of months had finally reared its ugly head. And that too at the worst time possible, when her team needed to be a source of strength and with cameras catching the teardrops falling as she mourned the loss of not being able to play in the epic UConn-Tennessee rivalry. She’d done so well at holding it in, breaking apart only a couple of times, sometimes alone and sometimes with Azzi on the other end of the line. Until tonight, when the bright lights and roaring crowd had reignited the itch to just fucking play ball. 

“Paige,” Caroline says again, “stop being stubborn and call her.”

“She has a game tomorrow, she doesn’t need my dramatic ass worrying her right now,” Paige replies, getting into a sitting position when she realises the other girl isn’t about to just let this go. 

“You’re eventually going to call her. The two of you haven’t gone one day without talking to each other since this summer,” Caroline gives her a look, a hint of a smirk play on her face when it tints Paige’s cheeks pink, “seriously, just call her.”

It’s not that Paige doesn’t want to. She’d scrolled through her contacts and stopped at Azzi’s one too many time’s tonight. And each time, just as her fingers had hovered over the green call button, she’d felt guilt claw at her neck. Since she’d shown up in LA, Azzi had shown up for Paige every step of the way, checking in regularly, listening to Paige vent her anger at the world and whispering words of comfort that only sounded true when they came from Azzi’s mouth. Sometimes, if she tries really hard, Paige can feel the ghost of Azzi’s arms wrapping themselves around her shoulders, just as they had that one night in LA when Azzi had held her, so delicately as if she was made of porcelain, through the worst of her breakdowns. 

“She needs to focus on her game,” Paige says after a moment. 

Caroline sighs, mind wandering to the countless texts on her phone from Azzi begging her to take care of Paige and to let her know when the blonde wasn’t doing okay, “I know but she’d want you to call her if she knew. You need her.”

“And where was I when she needed me?” it’s the word need that triggers it, the quick snap because it’s all Paige has been able to think about lately. 

Without basketball, she’d had far too much time on her hands and she’d ended up going down a spiral of watching Azzi’s games from her freshman year, something she’d religiously avoided doing when they had happened live. At first, it had just been this immense feeling of pride, seeing her best friend be the college basketball phenomenon Paige had always known she would be. She’d shoved away the envy of it was supposed to be us that immersed her seeing the way the Bruins celebrated their new star player, and just let herself be happy in her best friend’s happiness. 

And then something changed around at the beginning of January 2022. It had only lasted a couple of games, but Azzi had hit a wall. Threes were short, cuts were made at the wrong time and she kept on getting lost on defence in a way that was very unlike her. And all Paige could focus on, eyes glued to the screen, was how completely and utterly exhausted Azzi looked during that stretch, despite the fact that she’d just come back from winter break. The smile had vanished off her face, replaced by stress lines Paige wished she could go back in time and erase. 

It wasn’t until she’d binged through all the games, cheering silently as Azzi slowly returned to form, that the realisation had hit Paige. She’d been slapped with the memory of a store decorated brightly for Christmas and a familiar voice calling her name, as she’d purposely walked the other way, pretending she hadn’t heard and the more than deserved i’m done trying text that had followed right after. For a year, perhaps longer, Paige had convinced herself that she was the only one who had lost something, she was the only one who had a right to hurt, to break. And still, she thinks she’d take all of that pain again a thousand times, if it means she could erase the fact that in all of her self-pity, she’d broken Azzi too.

“Where was I when she needed me?” she repeats again to Caroline, as the brunette stares at her in confusion, “the answer to that Carol, is that I was anywhere but with her.”

Caroline’s eyes soften in realisation as she takes a cautious step towards Paige, “oh P don’t do this to yourself.”

“I want to call her,” Paige confesses in a whisper, tears brimming in her eyes, “it’s the only thing I’ve wanted to do all day and maybe- maybe I should have but I’m just- I’ve been so unfair to her.”

“You were hurt Paige.”

“I know- I know that. But so was she. You don’t- god Carol- you don’t even know the things I said to her before she left for LA. And she’s still here,” the first tears fall from her blue eyes, and then the next and the next until there’s a steady waterfall streaming down her face, “you know I almost didn’t let her in when she first came over this summer?”

Caroline doesn’t say anything, choosing instead to come sit next to Paige and wrap her arms around the point guard. 

“I didn’t answer her calls or her texts for a year and still, still she’s picked up every call, replied to every text I’ve sent her since summer. I know- I know I need her and she’s going to be there of course she is. But when she needed me, where was I?” Paige drops her face into her hands, “I just- I don’t deserve her.”

There’s a moment of silence as Caroline rubs Paige’s back and lets the older girl wallow in her guilt. And then she reaches for Paige’s phone on the nightstand, ignoring the little grunt of protest. When the screen lights up, there’s already a notification of new messages from Azzi and Caroline can’t help but smile. 

“I think,” she begins softly, “Azzi’s a smart girl so maybe give that tiny little brain of yours a little bit of rest and let her decide who deserves her,” she hands Paige her phone “let her be there for you. I think maybe she needs that too.”

Caroline gives Paige’s shoulders a little squeeze before heading out the doors, giving the older girl a moment of privacy. Paige sighs, getting herself comfortable against her pillows, and rubbing away her tears, before finally giving in and pressing the facetime call button. 

“Do you want a distraction or do you want to talk about it?” Azzi says as soon as she picks up and Paige can see the concern etched all over her face.

“Or maybe I’m perfectly fine?”

“Ah we’re playing the pretend game tonight. Should have cleared your throat for a second longer maybe Miss Perfectly Fine, your eyes are red as fuck and you sound like a dying cat.” 

“Wow, that was rude. Maybe I’m sick?” 

“With what? The “lies to her best friend” flu?”

“That UCLA education has you making up illnesses now? Damn Az, you’re supposed to get smarter in college.”

“You’re so funny, like so funny,” Azzi huffs sarcastically before they both dissolve into giggles. It’s always just been so easy with them. And Paige’s isn’t a poet, but if she was, she’d write sonnets about the sound of Azzi’s laughter, and the way it makes the corner of her eyes crinkle. 

“I watched the game,” Azzi says after a second, “and I saw you.”

Paige smirks, “so you didn’t actually watch the game, just stared at my gorgeous face the whole time?”

“There’s that comedian streak of yours again.”

“Hey you’re the one who said you were watching me instead of the game. But who could blame you really?”

“I didn’t-” Azzi rolls her eyes, as Paige’s cocky smirk deepens, “stop it.”

“You can admit I’m a pretty girl Az,” she teases, delighted when it makes the younger girl blush. 

“Fuck off, you have enough people telling you you’re a pretty girl.”

“Yeah but it means more coming from you,” she says quietly, biting her lip. It’s not the kind of thing you’re supposed to say to your best friend, at least not in the soft, wanting way that Paige says it. Except they both know that the lines in their friendship are far more blurred than they should be, even if they've both done a pretty fantastic job at ignoring that kiss. Paige had learned over Christmas that Azzi was exceptionally good at the pretending part, moving away the moment Paige’s hands lingered a little longer than they should, changing topics if they even got anywhere near addressing the something between them. It shouldn’t have hurt but it did and Paige doesn’t understand how she can so desperately miss something that she never even had in the first place. 

“So distraction then?” Azzi says after a second, changing the subject back to her initial question. 

Paige closes her eyes, taking in a deep breath, “it was just- it was a lot tonight. I didn’t realise I was being that obvious.”

“You weren’t. I just know you a little too well.”

“These are my favourite types of games, you know. The rivalry, the crowd booing my name and getting the chance to quiet them, that’s- that’s the type of game players live for and I just- I miss it Azzi. I miss shooting, I miss defending, I miss just standing on the fucking court sometimes. I miss playing basketball. So. Fucking. Much,” a fresh set of tears leak out of Paige's eyes, as her free hand fists at her bedsheets. 

There’s silence as Paige’s words linger in the air. In a way it’s freeing to be able to say it out loud, to just let herself feel how she feels instead of fighting them. 

“You’re gonna miss it every day until you play again,” Azzi says quietly, her own voice thick with emotions, “and it’s not really gonna get easier until you get it back. But when you finally do, just- just imagine it okay, your first game back. The feeling of the crowd. Dribbling up the court. Making that first shot as everybody loses their minds. Finally just playing the game you love. That’s when that feeling of loss will finally go away.”

Using Azzi’s steady breathing as an anchor to still her erratic heartbeat, Paige lets herself get lost in the picture the younger girl has just painted for her. She lets her mind run to the future that lies ahead of her and if she focuses hard enough she can almost hear the Gampel crowds roaring as she finally returns to the court. 

“It’s kinda really fucking annoying how you always know what to say,” no it isn’t, it’s the only thing that’s keeping Paige going these days. 

“Surviving an ACL injury will do that to a girl,” Azzi says with a pained smile. 

That’s not it Paige thinks, it’s not experience, it’s you and I really wish you were here. But she can’t say that, so she changes the subject instead. 

“Tell me about your game tomorrow.”

They both settle back into their pillows, getting into more comfortable positions. Azzi tells Paige all about her upcoming game and then moves onto another topic, then another and another and another. They’ll wake up tomorrow morning to phones that died and no memory of when they’d fallen asleep. And then they’ll remember who was on the other end of the line, and if that makes them smile a little too hard, well that’s just another thing they’ll pretend didn’t happen. 

***

March 2023

It’s only natural that when Paige finally feels like she can learn to live with just having a little bit of Azzi, that the world would show her just how wrong she could be. She’s been in a much better headspace these days, her knee finally starting to feel like itself again, bit by bit. The guilt of not being able to help her team is still settled into the pits of her stomach but even with that, she’s reached a sort of acceptance. And while she’s still struggling to fight the part of her heart that wants so much more, she’s learning to be content with just having her best friend back.

It’s that little bit of time in between conference tournaments and the NCAA tournament when it feels like the calm before the storm and it’s the first weekend since before the season that the UConn team finally gets to go out and let loose for a bit. They’re riding the height of winning another Big East title and even if it’s a little bittersweet that they did it without her, Paige is beyond the moon happy for her team. 

She turns up the music in her room and changes the lights for the sake of a little ambience, before sitting down at her desk, to call Azzi and do what little of her makeup she knows how to do. Normally she’d get one of the other girls or Kayla to do it, but she’d rather sacrifice a flawless makeup look then miss out on having Azzi tease her about how she still didn’t quite know how to do her eyeliner properly yet. 

The fact that it takes Azzi longer than the third ring to pick up should be Paige’s first warning sign but instead she’s sucking in a deep breath at the sight of her best friend who looks breathtakingly beautiful tonight. Paige’s heart stutters as she takes in Azzi’s face, the light layer of red lipstick (that Paige wants to kiss off), the blush-tinged cheeks (that Paige wants to caress delicately) and the perfectly done mascara on her eyelashes (that Paige wants to feel flutter against her own skin). 

She lets out a low appreciative whistle, “celebrating that Pac-12 championship in style huh?”

“Something like that,” Azzi bites her lip and really that should have been warning sign number two, “was there- was there something you needed?’

“I can’t just call you?” Paige asks, noticing the tension on Azzi’s face, “are you busy?”

“No it’s not-”

“She is actually,” a different voice cuts in aggressively and Azzi immediately gives whoever it is an exasperated look. Paige doesn’t know who it is, but she guesses it’s one of the UCLA players. It’s no secret they aren’t huge fans of her. They’d made that much clear the few times they’d met Paige during September, always regarding her with a wary eyes. It wasn’t their fault really, Paige understood their protectiveness, in fact she appreciated it more than they would ever understand. 

“Chill Angela.” 

“Are you not busy then?” the other voice who Paige assumes is Angela Dugalic says, clearly a little annoyed. And then Azzi’s phone is being shifted away from her and instead it’s Angela’s face that covers Paige’s screen. 

“Oh,” the blonde manages to get out, taken aback by the sudden change, “hi Angela.”

“Hi Paige,” the other girl says, her voice dripping with saccharine sweetness. 

“Angela,” there’s a clear warning in Azzi’s voice and Paige already knows, even before the words are let out into the open, that whatever Dugalic is about to say is going to tear her apart. 

“Azzi has a date tonight,” Angela pronounces the last words with a gleeful lilt. 

The world spins and Paige’s head spins with it, as she grips onto her desk for some semblance of stability. She can hear Azzi spluttering in the background as she tries to get her phone back but it’s of no use as the UCLA forward powers on. 

“With a really pretty girl,” Angela smirks at the camera, clearly trying to prove something, “Zoe’s really wonderful. You’d like her, Paige.”

Zoe. Recognition registers in Paige’s brain. She remembers seeing the name flashing on Azzi’s phone a couple of times, accompanied by a photo she never quite caught a glimpse of. But as she tended to do with most phone calls that came during her time with Paige, Azzi had simply just declined the call and texted whoever that she’d call her back later. And so Paige hadn’t really bothered caring about Zoe, chalking her up to being some random friend Azzi had made. But fuck, maybe she should have cared. 

“And Azzi really likes her I think. They’ve been tiptoeing around it for ages you know? But we all knew it was only a matter of time.”

A strangled noise escapes Paige’s throat and she tries her best to disguise it as anything but the cry of despair it is. It feels like there’s a thousand knives digging into her skin, pressing harder and harder until she has no blood left to bleed. 

“They’re gonna make the cu-”

“Give me my phone back Angela,” Azzi’s voice cuts in harshly and Paige hurriedly rushes to contort her features into a smile right before the camera’s back to facing her best friend. 

“So you’re all dressed up for a date then?” Paige manages to get out and the word date sounds like bile on her tongue. 

“Doesn’t she look lovely?” comes Angela’s voice again; the girl seemingly on a mission to break Paige as much as possible, “give her a proper look Az.”

“Angela,” Azzi hisses through gritted teeth. 

“N-no show me the fit,” Paige counters, because that’s what a best friend’s supposed to say right? Show me how fucking perfect you look for a girl that’s not me

Azzi hesitates, swallowing nervously, before she takes a couple of steps back so the camera captures all of her. And Paige wishes she’d never asked to be shown in the first place, hell she wishes she’d never bothered to call tonight. Because she thinks the image of Azzi’s casual light blue jeans and simple green off-the shoulder top will be etched in her mind forever, captioned with the words not for you. 

“You look lovely Azzi,” she whispers quietly, trying to keep her voice steady.

“Zoe won’t be able to keep her fucking hands off of you,” Angela supplies and this time the glare Azzi shoots her is murderous. 

“I think I hear Emily calling your name Angela.”

“I don’t-”

“Yes,” Azzi says pointedly, “yes you do.”

Angela rolls her eyes but doesn’t protest this time. She turns to the phone with a devilish grin, clearly feeling accomplished in being a menace, “nice talking to you Paige.”

She waltzes out, leaving Paige, Azzi and a silence that feels like it could drown them. 

“You could have told me,” the blond says after a second, averting her eyes from the screen, “aren’t dates the kind of thing best friends are supposed to tell each other?”

“Paige-”

“It’s good though- you-uh- you deserve a night out.”

“P-”

“Listen, I uh- I’m going out too so- I- umm- I better get going but-,” Paige takes in a deep breath, “have a- have wonderful time on your date Az.”

She hangs up before Azzi can reply, the concern in the younger girl's eyes becoming too much to bear. For a moment, she stares straight ahead at the wall, just processing. And then she lets herself fall apart. 

***

It’s 1 a.m., Paige is drunk and miserable and so fucking tired; it’s an extremely dangerous combination. Aaliyah and Amari had practically had to carry her to her dorm because she’d been stumbling far too much and everyone was worried she’d eventually fall flat on her face. Personally, Paige thought they just didn’t have enough faith in her. She wasn’t even that drunk, she couldn’t be. After all she could still feel that stupid Azzi-sized scar on heart and wasn’t the whole point of being drunk supposed to be not being able to feel? But she has to be drunk because sober her would know better than to do what she does next, would know better than to call Azzi when she has no control over herself. 

“Paige? Is everything okay? Are you okay,” Azzi’s voice is filled with concern when she answers.

“Azziiiii,” Paige slurs, “areyoustillwithyourdate?”

“What?”

“Are. you. still. with. your. date?” Paige pronounces each word slowly. 

“I- yeah. She’s in a different room. Paige, are you okay?” 

“Interesting,” the blonde remarks quietly, “you never picked up her calls when you were with me. And we weren’t even dating.”

She hears Azzi’s breath hitch on the other end, can almost picture her doing that nervous swallow of hers, “ I just want to make sure you’re okay.”

“You didn’t care if she was okay then? Those times she called you?”

“That’s not- she didn’t call me at 1 a.m.” the younger girl justifies hollowly. 

“Bullshit,” Paige scoffs, “1 a.m. isn’t even that fucking late. Why is it so hard for you to admit you care about me waaaayyyyy more than you care about Zara or whatever?”

“Zoe. You’re drunk Paige, go to bed,” and Paige really should listen to the edge in Azzi’s voice.

“Where did y’all go?” she asks lightly, changing the subject, “c’mon Az, best friends share their date stories right?”

“Baltaire,” Azzi relents, choosing to let this battle go. 

“Oooh that restaurant we passed that one time wow,” Paige coos, “too fucking bad you hate fine dining huh? But she wouldn’t know that now would she? Because she doesn’t fucking know you.”

“Paige please,” Azzi breathes out quietly in a pained voice.

“But you know who does know you? Me. And I would have never taken you to some boring old fancy ass piece of shit restaurant like that.”

“Don’t-”

“I would have taken you on a picnic. Do you remember that park you loved, the one by my air bnb? There, that’s where I would have taken you. And I’d have gotten you supermarket sushi even though I fucking hate that shit but I know, I know, you like it. And flowers. Did she get you flowers? Because I- I would have. Roses and peonies and lilies, a whole fucking bouquet.”

And Paige is crying again, for the second time tonight, one hand gripping at her phone as the other one tries to wipe away the frantically falling teardrops. 

“And we’d stay at that park til the sun goes out and I’d take a polaroid of you in the sunset and I’d keep it forever. I swear Azzi, I’d keep it forever and I’d put it on my wall.”

“Paige,” Azzi whispers, as if it’s the only word she knows, as if it’s the only word that matters. 

“I’d bring my laptop so that when it finally gets dark, we can watch a movie. You choose Az, whatever you want. And I’d get distracted and start playing with your hair or something and you’ll pretend it’s annoying you but you’d be smiling. Fuck I love your smile.”

“You can’t- you can’t just say these things Paige.”

“Why not? It’s the truth right- why can’t I say the truth?,” Paige says petulantly, “but hush okay I’m not- I’m not finished yet. And then, then we’d just lie under the stars and it'd just be you, me and the sky. Perfect.” 

Azzi lets out a broken sob and Paige hates it, she hates it but she keeps on talking. 

“And then I’d take you home and I’d kiss you,” she whispers the last bit like a confession, “everywhere. Fuck, I’d make it so good for you Az. So good. Everything you wanted, everything you needed, I’d give you all of it. I’d make you come apart on my fingers and then my tongue-”

“Shut up,” Azzi’s voice is suddenly cold and frosty and it feels like all the heat has been sucked out of Paige’s room as well, “shut up, shut up, shut up.”

“Azzi-”

“No,” Azzi all but yells, “you don’t get to say all of that to me.”

“Then who does? Her? Zia or whatever? Who the fuck even is she?” Paige spits out venomously.

“Zoe. Her name is Zoe and you wanna know she is Paige?” 

She should say no. She should apologise for interrupting Azzi’s date and hang up the phone, but no, Paige doesn’t do any of that, “enlighten me why don’t you.”

“She’s the girl who was there,” Azzi says, her voice cracking, “she’s the girl who held me last year when I was going through the worst time of my life. She was there when I couldn’t make a fucking shot and I thought maybe I’d never be good enough. She was there when I let the pressure and the media and all of it get to my head. She was there when I was crying my eyes out over losing the one person I was sure would always stay. She- she’s who you were supposed to be because she was there, and you weren’t.”

Paige isn’t sure if it’s the bitterness behind Azzi’s words or the brokenness of her sobs that is the reason for the ache in her own chest. All she knows is that she still remembers tearing her ACL, and she doesn’t think it hurt as much as this. 

“It was supposed to be you,” Azzi sniffles, “I wanted it to be you. Because I’d have let you- fuck- Paige- I’d have let you take me on a picninc and if you brought me sushi I’d have brought you your favorite mac and cheese. I- I know you don’t really care about flowers so I’d get you chocolate, the rum-filled ones that you love. And that sunset polaroid would have been a selfie of us, where you’re kissing my cheek and I’d have it framed. I’d pick out a movie but first- first you could watch whatever basketball game was on and you’d get exasperated when I don’t know the team because I’m literally a basketball player,” she lets out a wet laugh, “but I know you secretly like explaining the NBA to me. And then- then I’d have let you take me home and I’d let you take everything. Whatever you wanted, it’d be yours.”

The vivid image of a date that never happened fills every inch of Paige’s brain. She feels like she’s in a bad dream, trying so hard to reach for a happiness that keeps on evading her grasp. 

“But you weren’t there then Paige, and you aren’t here now.” 

“Azzi-” Paige chokes out. 

“Go to bed Paige,” the younger girl says, her voice shaky but adamant, ‘Get some sleep. Maybe you’re drunk enough that you won’t remember this when I call you tomorrow.”

“Right. So we’re gonna pretend this never happened. Again. We’ll just keep on pretending forever I guess,” Paige retorts bitterly. 

“Yes, we will. Because if I stop pretending, I don’t think I’ll be able to survive.”

***

The buzzer rings around Climate Pledge Arena as the UCLA women’s basketball team loses in the Elite 8 on a last second buzzer beater. Azzi’s face contorts into one of sheer disappointment, and in the stands, Paige feels her own heart drop. She’s not one to root for a team outside of her own and god knows what would happen if Nika found out that she’d been screaming her head off each time the Bruins, or at least one specific Bruin, scored, but for Azzi, well, there’s not many of her own rules that Paige follows when it comes to her best friend. 

It had taken a fair amount of convincing on Paige’s part to even be able to come to this game. Everyone had wanted to leave immediately after the Sweet 16 loss but Paige had insisted they needed to stay in Seattle, do something to get the team’s mind off of the terrible end to their season. And that wasn’t a complete lie because even if she hadn’t been able to help when they needed it on the court, she could try and help boost morale. But she knew her teammates weren’t fooled. They knew the schedule just as well as she did and they knew exactly what or better yet, who she wanted to stay for. 

On the court, Paige can tell Azzi’s fighting back tears. The brunette had given it her all, scoring an efficient 34 points and really the game could have gone any way. That last minute heave from the opposing team really probably shouldn’t have gone in, but at the end of the day the NCAA tournament was a lot about skill but also a little about luck. But Paige knows, Azzi isn’t thinking about any of that, too busy finding a way to blame herself even though she’d had a near perfect night. They were just too similar sometimes. 

Azzi’s eyes flicker through the stands, clearly looking for a familiar face. Paige resists the urge to run on to the court and pull the younger girl into her arms and soothe away the defeated look in her eyes, if only for the fact that Azzi doesn’t actually even know she’d figured out a way to stay back for this game. Despite being in the same city, they hadn’t been able to spend nearly as much time together and while Paige’s teammates had tried to be of some help, Azzi’s teammates had seemed determined to pull her away as much as possible. All of that on top of the fact that they’re still playing that stupid game of pretend had left Paige wanting for just one moment alone for the two of them. 

As soon as the UCLA team starts heading back to their locker room, and the crowd starts leaving, Paige scurries towards where she knows Azzi will be. Their assigned locker room isn’t that far from where UConn’s had been and Paige gets there in almost record time, her mind firmly planted on being there for Azzi. She’d missed so many opportunities, but this time, this time she’d be there. 

Azzi’s leaning against the wall, her eyes closed and Paige has to take in a breath at the sight of her. Sweat sheens against her tan skin and her gameday braids are falling apart just a little but still, she’s perfect. Before Paige can take a step towards her, there’s another girl, all dark hair and long legs, brushing past her, rushing to get to Azzi’s side. It’s like the world has stopped and yet is spinning too fast all at the same time, as Paige watches this girl, Zoe, pull Azzi, Paige’s Azzi, into her arms. 

After the night of the date (and everything else they’re ignoring), Paige hadn’t bothered to bring it up and Azzi had never said anything about it again. Naively, the blonde had thought that maybe that meant nothing much had transpired after the date, silently patting herself on the back for possibly even having had a hand in that. Except, the way Zoe holds Azzi isn’t fucking platonic and the way Azzi relaxes in Zoe’s arms, isn’t fucking friendly. 

“I”ve got you Az,” Zoe whispers into Azzi’s hair and Paige wants to die. She should look away, she should walk away but her feet seem to be glued to the ground. And she remembers the way Azzi’s eyes were searching the crowd and oh- she’d been looking for- Paige can’t even let herself complete the thought because she’s sure she’ll burst into flames the second she does. 

“I’m really glad you’re here,” Azzi says quietly to Zoe. To Zoe, and not Paige. If she could feel anything beyond the dagger twisting in her heart, maybe Paige would hear the way there’s still a tinge of disappointment in Azzi’s voice, as if she’s wishing it was someone else. 

It takes Zoe pressing a kiss into Azzi’s forehead, eliciting a sigh from the brunette for Paige to finally tear her eyes away. Her feet finally move and then she’s running faster than she has in a long time, ignoring the way it causes her muscle to ache. She can’t tell if her rapid blinking is to usher away the tears or to try and prevent the memory of Azzi with some other girl from welding itself into her eyelids. It blurs her vision and in the speed of things, she can barely tell where she’s going. Paige runs chest-first into a wall, bruising her elbow. Her phone slips out of her hands, falling to the ground with a loud thud, the screen protector cracking into pieces. 

And when Paige looks at the mess of her phone on the floor, she thinks it couldn’t possibly have cracked harder than this silly little stupid heart of hers.

[dollya-robinprotector]

FINALLY! DOLLYA CONCEPT

I'll have a little look back and remember how I came up with this current Sona design. The me of 2021 definitely would look at this and go "WTF???". When I search and place old drawings side by side for comparison, It's really been a process of changing my perspective on myself and constantly finding what I want.

It'll be very random and full of my old drawings, so if you don't mind a little rambling, welcome to go under the cut and go back in time with me!

Let's start with this design. As you can clearly see it was based on how I actually look irl, from the outfit, hairstyle to make-up.

Tbf this was not my first attempt to create a Sona, but it was a huge milestone because it's 2018, the year I got into my dream Art university and left home. My style completely changed, and this Sona showed it perfectly.

I drew this with my fingers, on my broken phone, to enter a Vietnamese clothes design competition, where we modernized some traditional clothes. What I did here is a modernized Nhật Bình. I won and got my design made into real clothes and sent to me. I'm still proud of it to this day XD

It was fun! I draw her almost daily, like how I do with Lya and Lyah in this blog. I used her to make friends with other artists. I even created a gender-bent version for her : D

But the uni life was stressful, especially when I entered my third year and tried to escape my parents' grasp. They were furious and threatened me, I started working extra and do commission to pay for my own living and rent, lessons were hard, and homework and projects were pilling,... As a result, I often use my sona to stress draw.

It didn't help much, my anxieties and insecurities kept adding to the molten fire inside me, and my overthinking got worse day by day.

But then at some point, I decided to separate myself from that sona. She turned into one of my many OCs, maybe more special but I no longer see my entire self in her anymore.

I have to thank my two besties for that. They pulled me out of my darkest moments and stayed with me. They remain to be my only two most important people in this whole world.

I started to "reuse" the sona appearance into creating many other OCs for many other fandoms I joined (Cookierun, HnK, FGO, KnY, Genshin,...). I had fun jumping between different styles lol.

The idea for the current design started to take shape when one day I drew her wearing a white delicate dress (I usually just do red) and a see-through sleep dress I just bought.

Something started clicking.

Then I became an assistant for an Ero Artist. Yup. I started to be exposed to more "sexy" character designs and tbh I just love those. I love drawing female characters already, but there's something something about cute and sexy girls in lingerie... If you know what I mean.

The design slowly became clearer. Cute and pristine-white, see-through lingerie, with little four petals flowers, and little bows, perfect.

The details still varied. They depended on the style I was using or my mood, whether I wanted to go into details or not. That's the fun of drawing your own design, let's keep it.

And here we are~ Maybe it's still not final, but I'm happy with it, and that's enough for me now!

If you've been reading this far, thank you and congratulations! I will send you a kiss and wish you a good day~~ Hope you're having fun scrolling on my blog~

[elis-blawg222]

November 8 - Friday

Whew! Caught up at last!! (took me long enough)

Today was actually pretty good. I called Angel before school which made me really happy!! (I love him sm ill sob rn actually). My class wasn't toooo bad. The teacher talked sooo much ugh, but I drew the whole time so it was fine. I made my oc thinnn n pretty, love him. Also we had to go around the room and talk to people for like 30 minutes. 30. (did yk you have 30 minutes??)

It was so nerve wracking, especially because I was unprepared lol. I bet I looked like such a total weirdo with the lack of eye contact I was making, but at the time I was just trying not to break a nervous sweat LMAO.

Then, after my class I went to the library (on call w/Ange) and did an assignment. I went home afterwards because my phone was gonna die, and I needed my charger.

After a bit at home, I went to my next class, and I had a test in this one. It went good I think! We studied beforehand which I'm really grateful for.

We had a break in this class, so I went to walk around for a minute, and during this my mom texted me with:

"Eli

What did u eat today"

...

nothing. So, I said "I had some chicken nuggetss after my class hehe"

to which she responded "No fries no pop. How many nuggets"

GURL. So i was like "I did get some fries lol? and i got 10 why?"

and she just CONVENIENTLY NEVER RESPONDED. UGH.

(but wait theres more.)

After my class ended I went home and got ready for work. I was otp w/Angel (because seriously when am I not?) and he was playing minecraft. It was so peaceful and entertaining to watch and listen to him play- I loved every bit of it. Then, we talked about how we should play together (I ltrly will do anything to idc).

Work was actually ehh, not toooo bad. My dad and friend and her mom stopped by which was nice, and also my hairdresser LOL. They both tipped really well (obviously my dad did but yk).

I went home after what felt like one billion years, I was so so so happy. When I got home I just said a few things about my day like I usually do, and made sure to slip in the fact that I got a free meal at work. Which isn't wrong, I did, but I didn't get anything. I actually am just gonna let my friend get something tomorrow. but they don't have to know all that shhhhhhhh.

Then my mom stopped in front of me and was like what did you eat? and so i repeated myself bc no one listens to me <3

(I told her fried chicken tenders, fries, mac and cheese for context, a very 'me' meal tbh or at least it was)

Then, she was like "how many chicken tenders?" "no drink?" "did you finish it? all of it?" "so then you ate 2 full meals today?"

oh. my god. like. genuinely.

why. is. she. interrogating. me. pls. fucking. leave. me. alone. IM GENUINELY MORTIFIED AND HONESTLY IM SO AGGRIVATED. LET ME STARVE IN PEACE HOLY FUCK.

I tried to act like a normal person and be like ??? why are you interrogating me? BC WHY ARE YOU (as if I'm not literally starving myself)

She was just like "because I need to make sure you're getting nutrients." ok girl.

Then, I went to my room and she went to bed. I cleaned my room a bit and did a homework assignment, so I'm pretty proud of myself.

Also if you couldn't tell by now I fasted today. I was gonna either 48 hr fast or do 2 24 hr fasts back to back, but I think I'm just gonna do around 36 hrs. I wanna eat in front of my mom tomorrow so maybe she'll start leaving me alone (I seriously doubt it).

It just gets really frustrating when every meal I have she thinks isn't enough, even when I'm genuinely full. I can't eat like I used to like I physically cannot, she has to get that.

Anywho, I was thinking of making some cucumber boats tomorrow, I think it'll be fun.

Total Steps: 6.7k

Look at me meeting my step goal for once. I'm gonna start really making an effort at meeting it!

'Til tomorrow :)

(P.S. actually getting activity on these makes me so nervous but haiii)

[mggssocks]

pov: ur a a-list singer/songwriter and actress. You were in glass onion w/ Madelyn who you ended up becoming good friends with and drew has a giant crush on you and you just pretty much tease him lol <3 (whitneypeak on Instagram as fc but most pics are from Pinterest)

madelyncline

liked by madisonbaileybabe, drewstarkey and 1,728,269 others

madelyncline happiest of birthdays to the ramen noodle lover that always happens to be asleep yourinstagram <3

view all 6,918 comments

yourinstagram why would u post slide 4

↳ madelyncline ur best picture tbh

↳ yourinstagram ykw ur so right

madisonbaileybabe gonna need financial compensation for the amount of times it took to get that first picture

↳ yourinstagram lunch on me tm

*drewstarkey followed you*

*****

yourinstagram

liked by zendaya, drewstarkey and 2,365,709 others

view all 15,863 comments

ynfan01 an EMMY AND GRAMMY WINNER SO ICONIC OF YOU

zendaya beyond proud of you

↳ yourinstagram ty, Z. love u.

madelyncline you’ve officially reached 2/4 of the egot status I love that for you

↳ yourinstagram stawpppp 🥹

arianagrande 🫶🏼🫧

↳ yourinstagram ty, love you and miss u soooo much

***

Madelyn’s Story:

Drew responded to Madelyn’s phone but you had it because you were taking pictures of her.

drewstarkey: tell her I’m single

You showed Madelyn and the two of you laughed about it.

*yourinstagram followed drewstarkey*

*****

Madisonbaileybabe

liked by jonathandavissofficial, yourinstagram and 1,285,092 others

madisonbaileybabe long car rides and lullaby’s

view all 3,938 comments

baileyfan91 PLS MORE S3 BTS CONTENT

yourinstagram why’s the sleepy guy kinda.. 🫦

↳ madisonbaileybabe please don’t get him started

↳ obxfan62 Y/N AND DREW?!?!&&:@&,$

ynfan13 STAY AWAY FROM HER RAFE

hichasestokes Drew’s head just got abnormally big

****

yourinstagram

liked by drewstarkey, carlaciagrant and 3,726,517 others

yourinstagram MET ‘23

view all 12,297 comments

ynfan19 you looked INCREDIBLE

drewstarkey 😍

↳ madelyncline stay away from my friend

↳ yourinstagram i’m a rebel so we now have to hang out, Drew.

↳ drewstarkey of course

drewfan87 not them lowkey flirting 😭

ynfan36 no cause why do I ship..

****

obxfanupdates

341 likes

obxfanupdates drew hanging out with y/n via Madelyn’s story

view all 79 comments

drewfan09 stopp Ik they’re hanging out just to mess with Madelyn but they’d actually be so cute

obxfan1222 they’re messing around but I think drew actually has a crush on her tho lol

↳ rudyfan87 who doesn’t though LMAO

ynfan028 no they were joking in the comments but I didn’t think they’d ACTUALLY hang out LMAOA

↳ obxfan76 ME NEITHER

*****

*3 weeks later*

drewstarkey

liked by nick_v_cirillo, madelyncline and 1,697,354 others

drewstarkey just in case you didn’t know, y/n l/n is the coolest person ever (this totally isn’t her making this post btw)

view all 9,726 comments

yourinstagram oh, me? Gee golly how sweet of you, Joseph!

↳ madisonbaileybabe now you know…

madelyncline ykw, i change my mind. I completely see why the two of you would be perfect.

ynfan198 it’s happening! It’s happening! Everybody stay calm! STAY F$@KING CALM!!

drewfan54 the legal name.. oh they’re fucking for sure 💀

↳ drewfan827 pls don’t put that image in my head 😭😭😭

***

yourinstagram

liked by madisonbaileybabe, carlaciagrant and 2,087,562 others

yourinstagram i really love drewstarkey he really is the best and I’m so in love with him (this definitely is not drew typing this caption just so you know)

view all 14,247 comments

arianagrande ???

↳ ynfan018 the confusion she must be experiencing rn 😭😭

↳ rudyfan91 she’s not in the OBCU (the outer banks cinematic universe) so she wouldn’t understand

dojacat fart

↳ yourinstagram yup

obxfan71 not him tagging himself as a personal shoutout 💀

ynfan61 I need to see where this goes

↳ drewfan09 the slow burn we didn’t know we needed

[avopumpkin]

Is it too late to upload my Narutober 2023 on December 2024? No? Great.

Days 1-4

This Narutober was my way to get used to my new graphic tablet and coming back to drawing after almost a year of not drawing anything. You can see it especially in my weird Itachi (I literally forgot how to draw men, especially because I mostly focus on women).

But I'm really proud of my Shika-Sponge. He's the most beautiful thing I've ever drawn.

Days 5-8

I still like Tsunade here. She's a very beautiful woman, so I'm glad she looks pretty even here. 💖

Days 9-12

When I was drawing the cover for Make Out Tactics, I held my phone so close to my face that I almost lost my sight lol. It was a little challenging but I'm glad I was able to finish it. ✨

Days 13-16

I really love Hinata here. <3 It was a big pleasure to draw her. <3

Minato was inspired by my favourite meme, but I decided to make him happy.

Days 17-20

Yes, on Deidara's part I wanted to make an explosion, but instead I drew a Minecraft ore.

Days 21-24

Kushina was very pleasant to draw. 💖 Yamato as well. This part of Narutober was actually pleasant in general. I'm glad. <3

Days 25-28

I don't know what happened to Gaara and Kankurou. Maybe they don't look really good, but let's give them some love, ok???

Days 29-31

Kaguya is so pretty in general. <3 I also had fun drawing her.

So that was all from my Narutober. I also had to add my signatures again, so it took me much longer. But I finally post it.

Prompts were made by butchmayo and their friend on Reddit. <3

[possum-quesadilla]

Chapter Eleven of Lonely Remnants, “Villain and violent, infant and innocent, Baby, both arms cradle you now”, is here! Just the epilogue left now!

Extras below!

- The lyrics for this chapter’s title are from “forwards beckon rebound” by Adrianne Lenker! I’m sure you can decipher what it means. It’s from Lydia’s perspective (and also Emily’s kinda, hehe). (I’ve had this part of this song in my mind for this fic since its conception. I even drew art for it, although I am not proud enough of it to share it)

- “Lydia thought they were gone. Gone for good. That she was alone, that she finally had something of her brother to put to rest. That’s when the shambling mass began to move, to collect together.” - The whole of Forever Lost Together was only a matter of seconds to Lydia, but it was probably still very harrowing!

- “She heard them both as they spoke.” - Beetlejuice has the Shoggoth’s weird gruff, gritty gravel, and Lawrence’s accent. It’s an even mix between their tones, which makes it kinda jarring.

- “Her brother gave her a wary look, narrowing their dark eyes at Charles before raising an eyebrow at her. Adam similarly gave her a brief frown as he pressed his phone to his ear with his free hand, no doubt calling Barbara.” - They were both ready to man-handle Charles if Lydia wanted them to.

- “The Chrysler came tearing into the parking lot before Lydia was able to talk her father into releasing her, barely pulling into a parking spot properly before Barbara leapt from it’s driver’s seat and bolted towards her gathered family.” - Barbara drove both as cautiously but quickly as she could. She was gonna get there safely but very quickly no matter what!

- “‘M more beat than a housewife in the Dust Bowl.” - Normally neither I nor Beetlejuice would condone such a joke, but we both get passes. /hj

- “He unlocked the stupid giant Subaru, causing it to chirp.” - Based on my own stepdad’s stupid giant bus of a car. Charles got it because it’s more likely to protect the passengers in the event of a crash.

- “ “Fuck,” her brother said once Charles had pulled out of the parking lot, yawning wide and loud as he stretched out his arm.” - He still has the blackened gums and tongue and the sharp teeth, and also has the weird wide yawns that animals do, so it’s a very off-putting sight.

- “His smile widened, showing off his strange, sharpened teeth. “Beetlejuice.” ” - Wow! It took me 39K words to say the title character’s name, lol. Also, yes, say hello to Beetlejuice! He uses he/they/it pronouns.

- “She had a good feeling about what the future held for them.” - this is a throwback to the last line of the first chapter!

Tag list: @raineisinkless @c0zmo-writes @musical-fiend @katslitterbox

(Want to be tagged in future updates for CorpseJuice / LoopJuice? Let me know!)

[ihavethedreamies]

Snow in Sweden | Renjun

Huang Renjun - NCT Dream

Word Count: 9.6k

Pairing: Renjun x AFAB!Reader

Genre: Reader-Insert, Fluff, Cuddling, Eventual Kisses, Pining, Flirting

Warnings: She/Her Pronouns used, the Reader punches someone, Jaemin

Uh, this is pretty long lol. It was exactly 9,300 words when i checked but I might have edited it and changed it. I am more proud of that then the rest of the story.

I am referencing this sweatshirt for a Jaemin.

Edit: I did change the title, it was just Winter Romance.

Edit (8/25/24): I changed the text/chat pictures to just text.

I am cross-posting this on Archive and Wattpad. Please reblog! If you know anyone that would like this or future fics but they aren't on here my name and icon are exactly the same on the other sites. Happy reading!

Part of you wasn't quite sure why you agreed to this, but the guys wanted to so bad. Sweden in the middle of winter would be…a lot. They said winter was the best time to go however, because they wanted to go to stay at the Ice Hotel. You didn't mind the cold, but Scandinavia in the winter? The only country that did better with winter than Russia? Let alone staying in the ice hotel, which the rooms are literally made out of ice. However, when they told you it would only be for one night, the rest would be in a normal hotel room, you caved. Plus, you would get to meet sled dogs and ride in a sled. Before your group even left, everyone paired up to decide on a trip partner. You drew out on a piece of paper a bunch of lines, and everyone traced a different path to get a partner. The teams were Mark and Chenle, Jeno and Jisung, Jaemin and Haechan, and you got teamed up with Renjun. Honestly, you sighed a breath of relief, thinking of all the nonsense that could have happened otherwise. You weren't sure to feel worse for Jaemin or Haechan, in that situation. Since everyone had to share a bed, Renjun definitely felt like the best option. Plus, he was sweet and quiet with you and would be good company for the events. You had to stamp down the heart-fluttering it caused though. Your small crush on him that you had since you met him had only gotten much worse the longer you had been friends with all of them. He was also the only one you couldn't find a fault with. Chenle was loud. Donghyuck was touchy. Jaemin was flirty. Jisung would be way too embarrassed and not be able to sleep. Mark star-fished across the bed and you didn't care for that. Jeno would have been okay, if it wasn't for the fact that you two almost slept together a few months ago after a great deal of drinking had been had. All of them but Jisung and Chenle had stayed the night at your apartment and Jeno got to share your bed with you. Never again, he was dangerous. Not that he would try anything, but anyone with eyes could see how attractive he was.

After all the pairs were decided, with much ruckus after, you logged on and got everyone signed up for everything. Everyone agreed to save up their money and pool it together to afford everything. It also helped that your uncle was helping you get cheap airline tickets to get there and got you a discount at the hotel. Plus, Chenle was freaking rich.

"You sure you're okay being my partner?" Renjun whispered to you as you plugged in the debit card information. Everyone had given their money to Chenle, and he handed over his black card.

"Of course." you reassured, looking over the information before you hit submit. After checking everything was good, you hit submit and the confirmation popped up and your phone dinged with the email receipt. Another ding went off and you glanced at it to see a second email. You opened it and Renjun looked over your shoulder at it.

"Congratulations. Your booking has won a random raffle drawing and one of your rooms has been upgraded to a deluxe suite. The room under the name "Huang" has been selected…" You read out loud and the two of you just stared at it for a second.

"That's our room?" He clarified and you nodded. That sounded so nice! You pulled up the website of the resort and looked at the specifics of it. It was bigger and had more amenities. The biggest difference though was instead of two beds pretty much just shoved together; this was just one bed. It would also be smaller than the two small ones next to each other, meaning you would be much closer together. He must have come to the same realization and you two just kind of sat there, not sure what to say.

"Did you do it?" Hyuck burst in and you two jumped, scooting away from each other.

"Y-yeah. It seems we won some kind of raffle and our room got upgraded." You motioned between the two of you.

"Man! Lucky!" The other boy pouted and Renjun gave you a sheepish look.

"Let's go eat and figure out all the other plans."

About a month later, on the first day of winter break, everyone gathered together in front of your apartment building with all of their luggage. You were the only one that could drive, but your car could barely fit four people, let alone eight. None of you were old enough to rent a car either, so for a little more money than you wanted to pay, the airport was going to send a van to pick you guys up. Glancing at your phone, it was about five minutes before the transport was supposed to get there. It was only kind of cold right then, no snow and just a slight breeze. You soaked in the cool weather knowing it would get much, much colder. It had been decided that everyone literally had to do everything with their specific partner. That meant sitting with each other to the airport, on both planes, at all meals, sharing the hotel rooms, and every activity. They decided this since no one was paired up with their normal partner. You were normally actually with Renjun, so you two were not so fazed, but Jeno was normally with Jaemin, Donghyuck with Mark, and Jisung with Chenle. This trip was going to be interesting. When the van finally pulled up, the nice gentleman driving got out and helped everyone get their luggage inside. Climbing inside the shuttle, you sat in the back row near the window and as per the rules, Renjun sat right next to you. It was about a forty-five minute drive to the airport, and the traffic was heavy with all of the college students leaving for break. The man driving said it might be about an hour and you were glad you guys decided to leave almost four hours early. Your dad had ingrained in you to get to the airport early just in case anything came up to delay progress. You felt like one of the people in the insurance commercials that are turning into their parents.

"So, where are all of you headed?" The man-made conversation as traffic trudged along.

"Sweden." Mark answered, sitting closest to the front with Chenle.

"Wow! In the winter?" The guy chuckled and you rolled your eyes.

"I know! But they want to stay at the Ice Hotel." You shouted some for the driver to hear you.

"A hotel made out of ice? You better be a gentleman and keep your girlfriend nice and warm." He turned in his seat to give Renjun a look. Everyone froze and looked at you two and you gaped.

"Oh, uh, no, we're not-"

"I will sir." He spoke over you and the rest of the guys looked at each other in shock. You looked at Renjun, but he would not meet your eye.

"Good boy." The rest of the trip to the airport was not exactly quiet, but Renjun and you just sat there, listening to the crazy. You two didn't say a thing till you finally arrived at the airport and you all got your luggage out.

"Good luck, everyone!" The shuttle driver waved, and you all entered the airport. You had somehow managed to become the group leader because you had flown the most out of everyone and they started to call you mom as you managed everything. You checked your bags and were grateful you had weighed them ahead of time because they all just were under the limit. Beforehand you made sure everyone had their passports in their pockets for easy access. Showing them off to the ticket agent, Hyuck complained his picture was bad. No one had a good passport or license photo. Everyone got their physical tickets handed to them, and like the plan, everyone had booked seats next to each other. Jisung and Jeno were in Row C, Row D for Mark and Chenle, Row E for you and Renjun, and Row F for Hyuck and Jaemin. Getting through security was a racket because you all had to take off your friend group necklaces and rings, plus you each had a laptop, and a tablet, your phones, and three of you brought their switches. None of you thought about the shoes you were in; it was easier to wear snow boots than pack them but to get them off and back on again was a task. Once everyone was through, with them almost giving Jaemin a pat down because of a stupid joke he made, you finally all made your way to the gate.

"You really shouldn't make a joke about what's in your pants at an airport." You scolded him and he shrugged. You finally got a good look at his sweatshirt which read 'Orgasm Donor'. Simply sighing, you turned and led the way to your gate. You had to have a layover in New York and then continue on to Sweden. This fact started an argument with Donghyuck because he didn't understand the concept that not every airport was international. You all still had over an hour before boarding, so you stopped to get cinnamon rolls which is honestly a must at the airport.

"Can I have two?" You ordered and the boys gave you a look.

"One for later." You shrugged and received your snack. Everyone sat around the waiting area near the gate to eat. The whole airport was packed so some of you had to sit on the floor. Renjun sat in front of you and because there was so little room he basically had to sit between your legs. Hearing some giggling, you looked over to a short distance away where there was a group of girls about your age maybe a little younger. They were looking at your group and chattering. Honestly, you didn't blame them, not when all of them looked like they did.

"Are those girls talking about us?" Your partner whispered up to you and you nodded.

"Hm. I don't blame them." You huffed a laugh, and he tilted his head back to look at you upside down.

"Why?"

"Look in a mirror, dear." You thumped his forehead with your finger, and you didn't catch the red that flushed his cheeks and ears. You were surprised that the fact they were trying to fit their entire cinnamon rolls in their mouth at once didn't deter the girls.

"You're gonna ruin your amazing new sweatshirt." You pointed out to Jaemin and he managed to catch the glob of frosting before it made his sweatshirt look like he practiced what he preached.

"Um, do you guys live in New York?" An overly sweet voice called out and they all looked to see the girls had approached. You recognized them actually; they were freshmen at the college most likely.

"No, we're just going there before-" You got cut off.

"You want to go get something to eat when we land?" The one that seemed like the leader asked.

"We're only staying about an hour till we get on our next flight." You got in and she sent you a sneer. There were six girls, and you had an idea that they were trying to set up some group date.

"So, you two can stay here, and we can go with the boys." She scoffed and you felt Renjun stiffen. Did they think he was a girl? His hair was longer with blonde underneath the black, and he's quite pretty. When he showed up last week with his hair like that again you were secretly extremely happy, he's always looked so good with it.

"I'm pretty there's no time for that, also-" You started.

"We all would much rather stay with (Y/N) than any of you." Renjun cut it, making his voice a bit deeper than it normally was. They all did a double take when he spoke, and the other boys sat straight. Renjun used his 'you better listen to me, or I'll beat your ass' voice.

"We must stay with our princess and serve her." Hyuck sat up on one knee and bowed in front of you. You felt your eyebrow twitch. He was such a little shit.

"전하 (Your highness)!" They all cheered in Korean, bowing low to you and you couldn't hold in your laugh.

"You stupid idiots, stop." You waved them off, still chuckling and the girls hmphed and turned to go back to their seats.

"Maybe I should cut my hair…" Renjun whispered, running his fingers through his hair at the back of his head.

"No! It looks so good on you! That was so on them." You pointed out, smacking his hand away and petting the soft strands down. Once again, his face and ears reddened, and you saw it this time. After one last pat, you sat back and felt your own face get warm.

"You know, we could order one of these for all of us and having matching sweatshirts too?" Jaemin gave his stupid little smile.

"How about we don't." Jeno flicked him on the forehead. Jaemin dramatically yelped and squirmed excessively. Everyone just dicked around the rest of the time till the flight boarded. As they called certain rows, since you all were right after another you got to board at the same time. You had a fairly small carry on so you just kept it at your feet so you wouldn't have to put it up in the overhead.

"If you want to put your bag up, we can watch something on my laptop." You suggested as Renjun waited for Mark to put his backpack up.

"Okay." He took his shoulder bag off, and Mark took it from him to lay it up near his. You took the window seat, though you had no plans on looking out of it, your fear of heights too prominent. The flight to the east coast was about three and a half hours, but the flight to Sweden would be another eight hours, THEN from Stockholm to the airport closest to the Ice Hotel is about two hours, plus there would be a thirty-minute drive to the hotel. It was going to be a LONG trip. It was currently ten in the morning; you would get to New York at 3:30 pm eastern time. The arrival time for Sweden would be 6:30 in the morning, the next airport would be 9:00, to get to the hotel to check in by 11:00. That would be almost sixteen hours, and luckily being next to Renjun would allow you to actually sleep. At the same time, you had a Jaemin behind you, so you hoped that he didn't bother you the whole time.

"If I sat next to you, I could make my sweatshirt honest." He whispered between the seats as you got settled; before you could scold him, Renjun was kneeling on the seat and reaching over to smack him. You held back a guffaw at this and you knew you would be defended this day yet.

"I'm going to burn that the minute he takes it off." The shorter man whispered angrily, and you nodded in agreement. You had downloaded several things onto your laptop to pass the very long time, and luckily the plane had a normal outlet for you to plug it in. You dug through your bag, which held way more than it appeared, you found your wired earbuds and the splitter that went with them.

"You have your own?" You asked and he got his out so you could watch some movies.

"Wait, you downloaded Captain America?" Hyuck was peering between the seats.

"Yes."

"Lucky." He sat back with a pout, and you shut your laptop when the flight attendant announced to do so, and you made sure you were buckled in. As the flight attendant gave the emergency instructions, you all struggled to stay serious as Jaemin mimicked the woman quietly. As the plane began to taxi to the runway, Renjun nudged you and pointed out that the girls from before were sitting in the middle seats, some of them in the same row as Jeno and Jisung. Jeno was in the aisle, and of course it was him, no one could resist a Jeno…or really a Jaemin, but he was locked in where he was. Thank the Lord, especially since he was wearing what he was. While Jeno was incredibly attractive and nice, he could be shy, especially with girls. Jisung would be of no help, and really neither was Mark. You were pretty sure Chenle was already asleep. The plane lurched as it started to go faster, and you pressed your back into the seat as it began to ascend. You waited patiently for them to announce devices could be used again, so you reopened your laptop and put your phone on airplane mode. You all had your blue tooth turned on and were able to connect on a little server together. The group chat blew up immediately. 

(🐶) Help T.T (☀️) They flirtin'? (🐶) Yes T.T (🐹) They like his forearms (🐻) They should see his biceps (🐰) They should see other things ;) (🦊) I will come back there (☀️) Wadda you know he has? How do you know? (🐰) You wanna know? (🐯) One of them is hitting on me too (☀️) Seriously? (🐯) Rude (☀️) Not what I meant :/ (🦊) Probably flirt with Jisung if he wasn't hiding (🐰) ;p they should see his hands (🐹) -_- (🐶) Help T.T (☀️) Tell em' off (🐶) how (☀️) Send them this (☀️) Attachment Loading 🔄

You forwarded him a picture that you two took that fateful night. You didn’t see Jeno's reaction to the picture getting sent, he had no idea a photo existed. You did, however, see Renjun's reaction.

"When did you take that?" He whispered and you shrugged.

"That night you all stayed over after drinking. It'll tell em' off." You couldn't meet his gaze.

(☀️) Attachment Sent 🔗 (🐶/🐯) ✅ (🐻/🐰/🐹) ✅ (🦊) ✅ (🐶) when (🐻) lucky (🐯) OOOHHH (🦊) -u- just show them (🐶) k

You stood up a bit to look over your seat and saw him shake his head, wave his hand, and show them the picture. The girl that was closest to him scoffed and shot her head back to look at you and you sat right back down.

"It worked." You chuckled and Renjun frowned.

"Come here." He said all of a sudden and he held his phone out, wrapping his arm around your shoulders and pressing your head down to rest on his shoulder. He snapped the selfie, resting his cheek on your head and then let you go. You sank in the seat, adjusting your hood to pool on the side of your face to cover your red cheeks. Your phone dinged but you ignored it. It’s when it kept going off did you finally look. 

(🦊) Attachment Loading 🔄 (🦊) Attachment Sent 🔗 (☀️) ✅ (🐶/🐻/🐯) ✅ (🐹/🐰) ✅ (🐰) O.O (🐻) not sure who I'm more jealous of (🐯) cute (🐶) It worked, but they might wanna throw hands after, watch out ☀️! (🐹) What's the mile high club?? (☀️) WHAT (🐹) One of them said she wasn't a member yet... (☀️) which one (🐹) The blonde (🐶) The short blonde (☀️) They're gonna corrupt my precious baby (🐹) I'm not a baby :X (☀️) You're my baby (🐯) Isn't it that thing where people screw in the bathroom? (☀️) Yes (🐹) ew (🐰) ☀️ you a member yet? I'm not either... (☀️) Fuck off (🐰) If that's what you want ;3 (🦊) >:( (🐰) You wanna join? (🦊) I will come back there

You put your phone away and shut the volume off even.

"You still want to watch a movie?" You asked the boy next to you as he angrily typed.

"Huh?" He looked at you and you shook your head in amusement.

"You wanna watch a movie still?"

"Oh! Yeah." He too put his phone away and you got Captain America pulled up. When his phone would not shut up, he moved to turn the volume down but saw this message instead.

(🦊) I will come back there (🐰) GIF Loading 🔄 (🐰) GIF Sent 🔗

Very quickly that message was straight out deleted since Renjun was the mediator of the chat. He shut his phone off and then you two watched your movie. The plane was declared ready to land right as the movie finished, so you packed everything up. Once the plane touched down you were willing to slide the window shade up and open. You saw that it had either snowed recently or just stopped. You weren't going to be leaving the airport though since your next flight was not in too long, but you could look out the window. They didn't have a set way for people to get off, so the group of you waited for almost everyone else, including the gaggle of girls, to get off before you did. Mark got everyone's bags down and passed them around and then everyone got off with their partners. Once everyone was huddled together in the airport, they gathered around you so you could figure out how to get to the next gate. You looked at the map on the website and realized it wasn't that far off. As you passed the bathrooms, you all decided it would be a good idea to go; so, they mobbed the place, Chenle's voice echoing off the tile. You shook your head and entered the restroom. There was one stall open, and you were able to get in quick and be done quick. Washing your hands, you heard a group start to come in and they came around the corner and it was the girls from before. You hoped Jeno was joking that they might want to fight. Trying to avoid eye contact, you brushed down some fly away hairs with the water still on your hands and you tried. Didn't work.

"Are you really his girlfriend?" You heard the dreaded snide quip.

"Huh?" You turned to her, pretending you had never seen her in your entire life.

"The really hot guy with the white-blonde hair, he's really your boyfriend?"

"What is that supposed to mean?" You felt yourself get defensive. That was a little rude. A lotta rude, actually. She looked you up and down and scoffed. She was probably a good three or four inches taller than you and had heeled boots on to…well, boot. You were in a baggy sweatshirt that hid your figure quite well, it was actually Hyuck's. You realized to an outsider your friend group would be quite odd. You were the only girl and honestly the way you acted with them; anyone could figure any of them your boyfriend. If they saw what you saw though, they would really not know what was going on, especially Jaemin and Jeno. You felt your phone go off, the boys probably wondering what was taking so long.

"What about that guy that was ten times prettier than you? Isn't he your boyfriend?" Another one smirked and you were now getting mad.

"Well of course she would rather have the hot one, bet she can't even feel that kid-" That was it. You socked her in the nose. She screamed out, blood spurting out and you spun around and stormed out.

"(Y/N)?" Mark called and they all turned to look at you. They saw the anger on your face, and the blood on your hand.

"What happened?" They ran over, and Renjun shoved Jaemin out of the way to look at your hand.

"Punched that bitch." You shrugged and they all kind of formed a circle around you when the other girls came out of the bathroom. The one you punched was holding paper towels to her nose and looked like she was going to say something, but when an extremely pissed group of seven guys turned to look at her, she shut her mouth and they quickly left toward the baggage claim. Hopefully she didn't report you and get you kicked out of the airport. Maybe since you weren't on the plane when it happened it would be okay.

"Why?" Jisung finally asked and you shook your head.

"She said something bad about Renjun…" You muttered as he fussed over you, cleaning the blood off your knuckles. The rest of them nodded and exchanged some looks and they said they were going to head to the gate.

"Come with me." Renjun kept holding your hand and led you to the single-family bathroom and brought you in. Leading you to the sink he helped you wash your hand, there was a small bruise forming and once he was done, he even dried your hands for you with a paper towel, then placed a small kiss on your knuckle.

"What did she say?" He asked. He was standing so close that if you looked up, your noses would touch.

"She said she didn't believe I was Jeno's girlfriend. Then one said they thought you were, and that you were prettier than me. Then they suggested that of course I would want Jeno, that you…" You didn't want to finish.

"I what?"

"That…they implied that you wouldn't…be, you know, good in bed." You mumbled the last part out.

"So, you punched her?"

"Yeah." When he wouldn't say anything after that, you weren't quite sure what to do next, but he was still holding your hands. He stepped closer and pulled you into a hug, you happily returned it.

"Thanks."

You two left and met up with the others at the next gate and sat down in relief. You could tell they all wanted to ask but were too afraid of the both of you to actually do it. Everyone just joked around for the next forty-five minutes waiting to board the next flight off to Sweden.

"Flight 127 to Stockholm is now boarding." They called over the intercom and you all moved to get in the line.

"Can those sitting in Row AB, seats three and four please come to the checkout desk?" One of the flight staff taking tickets announced and you nudged Renjun for him to go with you. You both stepped up and the lady looked vaguely apologetic.

"I'm sorry, but it seems your seats were double booked. We can keep you on this flight, but our only seats are in first class, I figured you wouldn't mind the upgrade." The woman smiled, her accent was thick and pretty.

"O-oh!" You handed her your two tickets, and she handed you the new ones that just printed off your names and that allowed you to cut to the front. The others looked at you and you shook your phone and sent what happened in the group chat. 

(🐰) GIF Loading 🔄 (🐰) GIF Sent 🔗 Chat Deleted ❌ (☀️) We got upgraded to first class (🐬) You got the deluxe hotel room and first class?? I could have paid for me to be there! -3- (🐶) 8 hours in first class? Lucky (🐰) lucky huh? (🐹) please stop (🐯) dude that's so cool (🐻) I wanna be alone in first class with you... (🦊) Which one of us? (🐻) hmmm (☀️) OKAY see you later

You heard them groan and you followed Renjun down the walkway to get on the plane. The flight attendant helped you get where your new seats were, which were up a narrow stairway. Looking around in awe, you were both giddy at the luxury of the situation. You were led to a little pod with two seats, and it was NICE.

"This is so cool!" You grinned at him as you sat down, and he agreed. In front of you were screens to watch whatever movie you wanted (just had to pay for it) and the seats were so comfortable. The arm rest in between you two had a series of buttons on it and before you could look and see what they all could do, he pulled it up and out of the way, so it wasn't between you two. There were the same buttons underneath!

"Woah!" You were so preoccupied with the ~technology~ that you didn't realize what he was doing. You got buckled in and there was so much room at your feet both of your bags fit comfortably. You didn't know if it was the seats, or the plane, but you barely felt when the plane began to roll down the runway and take off. You were given all the same information from before, just now in a pretty Swedish accent.

"I think because we're in first class, we'll get fancy food!" You cheered. Since it was such a long flight, there was a meal included already. He smiled and watched as you cooed at all the upgrades. When the little light blinged off that the seat belts could be removed, you gladly complied and leaned forward to dig through the pocket in front of you.

"(Y/N)?" Renjun called and you hummed, waiting for his reply, still looking at stuff. He took a while to say anything, so you sat back to look at him and he fiddled with his sleeve.

"Renjun?"

"Never mind…" He shook his head but gave you a smile in reassurance. You continued the flight in luxury. You watched movies together and the meal was so much better than you are sure they were served in the rest of the plane. About three hours in, you were getting kind of sleepy, and you knew you were going to still deal with some jet lag. You wished you could have been more ready to train for the time change, but with classes and stuff, it was too difficult.

"Renjun, imma take a nap." You yawned and he smiled.

"You going to rest your seat back?" He looked at the panel to find the right button.

"Yeh." Once he found it, you pressed it till you were comfortable and slipped the provided eye mask over to block out the light. He smiled as he watched you fall asleep quite quickly. He found it super cute that you slept with one of your arms raised, your hand up by your head.

(🐰) You enjoying? (🦊) Maybe... (🐰) She super cute??? (🦊) ...yes (🐰) can i see? (🦊) no (🐰) gatekeeping? (🦊) yes

He smiled, putting his phone down and while he would definitely not be sending it to anyone, especially Jaemin, he secretly wanted a picture. He paused before he hit the button though, it felt a little creepy.

"Renjun?" Your voice made him jump and put his phone away.

"Yeah?"

"Is there a blanket or something, I'm kinda cold." You slipped the eye mask up and he looked in the compartment beneath the seat and even asked the flight attendant. She apologized profusely, but the machine that usually washed the blankets was not working and so there were no extras. He had an idea. The boy rested his own seat back, and since it was similar to a couch, it laid his seat right down next to yours and the arm rest was already folded up so it wasn't in the way.

"Come here." He opened his arms out for you, having fully reclined and putting the footrest out.

"Y-you sure?" You were squealing inside. Sleeping in the arms of your crush? Hell yeah. The fact that he always smelled amazing? Even better.

"Of course. We're going to share a bed at the hotel anyway."

"Well, yeah, but this is…public."

"You…don't have to." He looked so dejected that you were quick to consent.

"No! I…thanks." You shot a shy smile, and he rested his arm back down; you let him pull you in close. It was very nice and warm, and he really did smell so good. You could tell resting on his chest that he had way more muscle there than you were expecting. Trying to tell your heart to calm down, you moved your head more into the crook of his neck and quickly found yourself falling back asleep. He drifted off as well and the flight attendant passed by and cooed at how cute you two were. She even called over one of her coworkers to see.

Nearly two hours later you finally woke up, having a bit over two more hours to go. You were so enjoying laying on a Renjun though. So much so that you wanted to just lay there forever. However, your body had other ideas.

"Renjun?" You lightly shook him to wake him up and he groaned in protest, pulling you closer to him.

"Ren- I need to go to the bathroom." You shook him again and he opened his eyes this time.

"Oh, sorry." He let you go, begrudgingly and you stretched before getting up and going to relieve yourself. When you came back, he had fallen back asleep, and you giggled. He was so stinking cute. After you sat back down, he allowed himself to fully wake up and you both sat your seats back up. Instead of starting another movie - not enough time - you both talked about what you were most looking forward to. You were not only going to meet the sled dogs but go on a ride with them. And with reindeer too! You were also really looking forward to the northern lights and you were kind of dreading the ice room stay, but Renjun promised you would like it. He picked out the room, making it a surprise. They were different every year and he promised you would love the theme. When the announcement came that they would be landing, you once again opened the window to see outside after the plane touched down. There was also snow here, but so much more than in New York. It was dark out, but you could still see how pretty the scenery looked. Gathering your stuff, you were able to disembark first since you were in first class. You had to wait for a bit for the rest of the guys to get off and they looked ragged.

"I hate you two." Chenle pointed at you, rubbing his neck.

"Was it really that bad?" You asked, feeling a little guilty.

"No, he just slept weird and hurt his neck." Mark shook his head and Jaemin sidled up to Renjun with a stupid grin on his face.

"So."

"Fuck off." The shorter man scowled and Jaemin let out a 'wow'.

"What did they feed you guys?"

"Some kind of roast and potatoes."

"Oh."

"What did you get?"

"Steak…" You wouldn’t meet their eyes, the jealousy clear. Since you had just arrived in another country, you still had to go through customs and that seemed to take forever since you were all very tired. When you finally were done you looked at the time on your phone; you realized you would have to book it to get to the next gate since it was all the way across the airport. By the time you guys got there, there was only fifteen minutes before you had to board. You would be on a much smaller plane since it was basically just a shuttle flight to get to the smaller airport. The smaller plane was loud, especially since your seats were right near the wing, but it was fairly empty and so you guys got to be loud when talking with each other. The flight was short, and you all made sure to put your jackets on since you would be getting off the plane outside.

"Woah!" You yelped as the cold air hit you. It was luckily not in the negatives, but it was way colder than back home! Everyone bundled together close to try and block the wind some, and you automatically wrapped your arms around Renjun's. Everyone laughed as you ran toward the much smaller airport where you went to receive your luggage. Being much farther north now, you could see the sun on the horizon, and you could hear a couple that had been on the plane with you talk about how the sun kind of stayed in the same spot nearly all day since it’s so far north in the winter. Once you all finally had your suitcases, you asked someone at a help desk where to go to wait for the shuttle; he told you and you didn't have to wait long once you got there. No one else was taking that particular shuttle and so you all had the van to yourselves. Probably for the best considering there were eight of you and were loud as hell. Finally, after so much travelling, you got to the hotel! You still had to walk quite a while to get to the entrance and you all let out a sigh of relief once you did.

"It's so pretty!" You turned around looking at everything all around and without waiting too long, Jeno had gone over to a pile of snow, balled it up, and yeeted it right at Jaemin.

"You!" The one that got hit returned the blow and an all-out battle began. You really did not want to deal with it, and neither did your partner, so you both went into the hotel to check in. The first night was the night where you would spend the night in an ice art room, but they got you checked in for your normal rooms first. When they would only give the keys to the people assigned to each room, Renjun went and got the rest of the guys. They came in, covered in snow, but with giant grins on their faces.

"My children." You pointed to the group and the concierge laughed to herself and everyone else got their respective keys. Everyone was on the first floor except for Renjun, and you since you had been upgraded. As you were chided by your friends, you guys went to the elevator and went on up to your room. The door dinged open, and you entered, the nice clean scent hitting you. Guess all hotels, not just American ones, smelled the same.

"The bed is nice!" He cheered, jumping on it, but was careful not to let his boots touch it. You jumped on next to him and you both laughed. Being on your stomachs, he was able to move and drape his arm over your shoulders and he bonked his head to yours like a cat.

"What time is when we meet the sled dogs?" Renjun asked and you pulled out your phone to check the time.

"After lunch, which will be in like half an hour." you told him and he nodded. He rested his head down on his other arm and you lay your head down as well, looking at his pretty face.

"I know I didn’t hear it but thank you for punching that girl for what she said." He said softly and you avoided eye contact.

"I haven't had the privilege of knowing the truth but-" You halted, realizing you just high-key, hardcore flirted with him. Not a simple flirt either, it was straight up a move. He gaped at you, and you retreated quickly.

"I'm gonna freshen up and then we can meet everyone else for lunch." You ran to the bathroom and shut the door, staring at your extremely red face in the mirror. You also stared at the sweatshirt you were in, and it felt weird to be wearing it. For some reason, it bugged you that it was Donghyuck's all of a sudden. You shucked it off, leaving you in your undershirt and you used the bathroom, washed your hands, and fixed your hair. You came out and threw the sweatshirt on the counter in front of the bathroom door and turned the corner to find him opening his suitcase.

"C-can I wear one of your sweatshirts?" You asked quietly and he spun around so quick.

"Oh, yes." He dug through his belongings and pulled out one that was a nice soft yellow. He tossed it to you and when he turned back around you buried your nose into it. Smelled sooooo good. You put it on and while it wasn't as oversized as Hyuck's, it still was nice and big. As he packed a small backpack with minor things, you did the same and you both headed to meet the others for lunch. You quickly grabbed the discarded sweatshirt and when you found everyone already at a table, you gave the wad of fabric back to the owner.

"I said you could use it the whole-" He stopped, noticing you were in another sweatshirt. It was also clear whose it was.

"Hmm. I see." He pouted a bit and took the hoodie from you, rolling it up and shoving it in his own bag. When you guys ordered, the waitress had to use four pages to take everything down since there was a crap ton of you and the guys ate a whole lot. The food finally came out and you were sure the workers and the other diners were flabbergasted by the amount of food you all packed away in such a short amount of time. After you guys ate you headed out to where you were going to meet the dogs then go on a sled ride. Everyone was so excited to see the dogs and everyone was not only prepared for jokes about Jeno looking like the dogs, but everyone also had a list there were prepared to use.

"You know if one of the pups gets hurt, we can just strap in our own." You patted Jeno as you said it and he groaned, and everyone laughed. You had begun the long, long few hours Jeno was about to go through. When they let you meet the dogs, you all squealed in excitement and the workers laughed at the excitement you all had. You might have been in your twenties, but dogs bring out everyone's inner five-year-old. There were eight dogs for each sled and while it cost more money to get four sleds all to your own group, it was worth it. Everyone with their partner shared a sled and once the tour guides were able to haul the dogs and you guys away from each other they went over the procedure. After hearing all the rules and agreeing to the terms and conditions (the only time you really knew what you were actually agreeing to), you were coached into getting in the sled and they strapped and buckled everyone in for the ride. You were so excited that you didn’t even process laying back into Renjun and that he warmly wrapped his arms around your middle under your own. Going off of height, the other six determined who sat in front and back. Mark was in front of Chenle, Jisung was behind Jeno and Jaemin was behind Donghyuck.

"I want one!" You shouted as the dogs got all strapped in. They were huskies mind you, and you know what they do? Scream. You really didn’t need more screaming in your life.

"We have one!" Chenle shouted forward making everyone laugh but Jeno. The tour guides drove the sleds from where they stood at the back and on their signal, they took off. You squealed in delight, holding on to Renjun's arms around you, linking your gloved fingers with his. The ride was a few hours and when it was finally done, you felt sore and numb all at the same time. After your excitement adrenaline calmed down, you fully rested on Renjun, resting your head on his shoulder. He squeezed you a bit and relaxed himself. It was nice and warm being snuggled like that and you did not want it to end. Your tailbone did, but not you. Getting off the sleds everyone groaned and stretched and reluctantly said goodbye to the doggos.

"I am so freaking tired." Chenle whined and everyone kind of hobbled their way back to the hotel. Sitting on a sled for nearly three hours and not really able to move really makes everything stiff. There was still a lot of time before you could check into the ice art rooms for the night, but everyone really needed a nap.

"If you even so much as touch me, I will destroy you." Jaemin wagged his finger at Donghyuck who rolled his eyes, "Like I wanna touch you anyway." You were pretty sure Mark was actually going to fall asleep walking. Jisung trailed in the back with Jeno, the latter was the only one who looked like he had some energy.

"Sled dogs don't get tired from sled-dogging." Jaemin pointed out and Jeno stuck his tongue out at him.

"How are you doing?" Renjun bumped your arm with his.

"Good." You smiled, already thinking fondly of your sled ride together. Everyone got to the hotel and the rest of the guys went to their rooms and Renjun and you went up the elevator to your own lodging. Getting in, you shucked off your gear and he let you change in the bathroom before he went in himself. You were in fluffy pajama pants and still his sweatshirt. You didn't think you would ever willingly take it off. He came out in his own pajama pants and instead of the baggy t-shirt he often wore, he was in a tank top that was way tighter than you thought it would be on him. Feeling a blush rise to your cheeks you shuffled over to the bed while he shut the curtains. It wasn't super bright out, but it was enough. The comforter was super plush and warm, and you sighed, burying into the pillows. The bed dipped as he climbed in with you and once, he was settled, you turned to lay towards him, and he smiled.

"C-can I…?" You shifted a bit closer, and his smile widened. Opening his arms, you shuffled into them and rested your head on his shoulder, and he enveloped you. Despite the fact that he was the smallest guy in the friend group, he was still quite a bit taller than you and he still smelled so good. It didn’t take long for either of you to drift off.

You grunted in annoyance as your phone alarm went off. That meant it was time for supper before you would check in to your ice rooms and sleep for the night. You tried to roll over to retrieve your phone, but you were held firmly in your place. He was stronger than you thought he would be.

"Ren, its supper time." You shook him a bit and he grunted.

"No. Let’s just stay like this." He muttered, his voice rough from sleep and oh, it did things.

"R-Renjun, we gotta eat so we can go to the ice rooms." You whispered, feeling all warm and fuzzy inside. That got his attention. He had picked the room out for you specifically and he was quite excited to see your reaction.

"Okay, okay." He let you both sit up and you stretched in unison, getting up to go eat, still in your pajamas. You both fixed your hair in the mirror and headed out together to the restaurant of the hotel. It was quite funny once you were all together. Everyone else in the restaurant were dressed like adults; all of you were in your pajamas and only Renjun and you had bothered to fix your hair. As everyone waited to get their order taken, you went to each one and helped tame their hair. You really felt like their mother sometimes. As you were petting down Jisung's stray hairs, the waitress came to take your orders. Once again, a lot of food was ordered, and it was all devoured quite quickly. Everyone sat to digest for a while before beginning another nonsense conversation. You all still had some time till you could go to stay the night on ice, so you headed to the lounge. Not the ice one, that would be a bit much in just your PJs. You got a couple looks since everyone else was dressed normally, but none of you cared.

"Sit down, I'll get your drink." Renjun smiled and you sat on one of the couches, Chenle, Jisung, and Hyuck joining you.

"So." Hyuck started, and you glared at him.

"Is his sweatshirt better than mine?"

"Yes."

"Ouch. Why?"

"It…smells really good." You shrugged, pulling the sleeves down over your hands. The boy whined dramatically and soon the others came back with the drinks. Renjun handed you an Aperol Spritz and you were surprised he remembered your favorite. You didn't drink too often, but you really enjoyed these.

"Thank you!" You smiled and he joined you on the couch. He was shoved even closer to you when Jaemin sat with Donghyuck and you really, really didn't mind. You all tried not to make too much of a ruckus, but you were sure all of the other customers were quite relieved when you left. When you went to the part of the hotel where you prepared, you were given your gear and instructions, and you were a little nervous. You had to suit up in warm under layers, warm boots and socks, your coat, and a nice warm hat. You all had bought matching hats and gloves for the trip, and you could tell the hotel employee helping you was trying not to comment on it. They gave you specific sleeping bags and told you how to safely stay in the room, so you didn't freeze. You all made sure to use the bathroom ahead of time, not wanting to have to get up in the night. One everyone was ready, you headed to your rooms. Mark and Chenle were staying in a room that was decked out with a bunch of lizards…for some reason. Jaemin and Donghyuck's room was full of ice cactuses, which was a little funny when Renjun saw it. He was still mad about what Jaemin did to his poor little plant. Jeno and Jisung's room was cute, with animated like decor that lay slanted like a in a video game. You finally were led by Renjun to the room he picked out for you, and as you entered, you were in awe. The ice art was designed to resemble space, nebulas, galaxies, and stars. It was beautiful. You loved looking at the stars and admired the beauty of space and images captured from telescopes.

"Renjun, this is gorgeous!" You beamed, the lights shining through the ice further accentuating the design.

"I thought you would like it." He came close to you, brushing a strand of hair behind your ear that had fallen out of your hat.

"Thank you." You gave him a small hug, still holding your sleeping back in one arm. You guys prepared for the night, and before you crawled into your sleeping bags, you took all your layers off. Shivering from the cold, you slipped into your sleeping bags quick and sighed at the warmth that built from your body heat. You looked at each other and giggled. You were both still so tired from the long trip and you fell asleep fast.

Around eight in the morning, your alarm woke you two up, and while you really wanted to sleep a bit longer, you were both quite eager to get back in and into the warmth. Bundling up fast and gathering your supplies, you dashed back to the main hotel, the rest of the guys not too far behind you guys. Returning the sleeping bags, you all dashed once again to your hotel rooms to take a nice warm shower.

"You can go first." Renjun offered and a small voice in the back of your mind called for you to ask him to join, but you shut it up really quick.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes." You took him up on his offer and the warm water was so nice. They warned you not to do too hot of a shower since your body had been pretty cold all night. You tried not to take too long since he was probably quite cold too. You realized you had forgotten normal clothes to change into after, so you cracked the door open and called for him to bring you something to wear. He stuck just his arm in so you could grab the clothes. Dropping the towel, you looked at what he brought, and your face visibly flushed in the mirror. He had given you a set of your underwear - you knew it was necessary, still embarrassing - and another one of his sweatshirts along with a pair of your jeans. You came out, shuffling to your bag yourself to get your socks and he dashed past you to get himself a warm shower and you giggled at his eagerness. He got done faster than you, which made sense, he's a dude; when he came out you almost keeled over. He had remembered everything but a shirt, so he emerged without one. He had more muscle tone than you would have guessed, and his skin was perfectly smooth, and you wanted to touch him.

"Ah!" He flushed and dashed to his bag and quickly put a shirt on, then his own sweatshirt. While you both were wearing a different colored one, the design was exactly the same, which meant you two were matching.

"I hope you don't mind they are the same…" He wouldn't quite look at you as he got his boot on.

"No! I…actually like it." You shrugged and Renjun grinned back at you. Going to get breakfast, you all talked about how the experience was. For some reason, the cold made Jaemin snore and Hyuck was quite cranky. Jisung slept very well since he normally slept like a mummy. Mark struggled because he was so restricted and apparently ended up with his head at the foot of the bed. Chenle talked about how he woke up in the middle of the night and got scared of the giant lizards and you all told him it was his own fault for choosing that room. Jeno actually liked it, said it was invigorating, but he also took ice baths.

"What was is like for you guys?" Mark asked you and you beamed.

"The whole room looked like space! It was so cool!" The boys all looked at you fondly as you spouted out how pretty it was. They all gave Renjun a look and he glared at every one of them in return. The rest of the day was to be spent with the reindeer. The experience was quite similar to the dogs, you got to meet the reindeer and there were a lot less of them since only one was required to pull the sleigh. The tour guide led the sleigh and you and Renjun bundled up in the front for the ride. The experience was similar, but they took you on a different path and showed you new things. It was just your speed though, you got to just sit there and enjoy, especially with Renjun's chest at your back and his arms around you. The rest of the day after was spent carving your own ice sculptures, playing in the snow, and eating yummy food. After supper, one of the hotel attendants came and told you that the northern lights were bright and vivid right then, so you all bundled up to go see them. It was amazing, you had seen videos and pictures, but to see it in person was awe inspiring. As you looked up at the sky, it began to gently snow.

"It's so beautiful." You gasped, and Renjun came up next to you.

"So are you." He grabbed your hand and you turned to him in shock. The other guys were a distance from you, taking pictures and pointing out the stars behind the rolling colors.

"I-I am?"

"Yes." He chuckled, turning your fully toward him. His gloved hands cupped your cheeks, rubbing his thumbs over the reddening skin. As he stepped closer, you gripped the front of his jacket. Renjun bumped his forehead on yours, your noses brushing.

"Can I…?"

"Please." And he kissed you. You had no idea how long exactly you had been waiting for that kiss. He pulled back too soon, so you stretched up to capture his lips again and his one hand moved to the back of your neck, the other curling around your back. Moving your hands to his chest, he bit your bottom lip and took the chance to slip his tongue in your mouth. You gave a slight moan and when he pulled back, you both were breathing hard, and a trail of saliva connected you.

"I…I think I've fallen in love with you." He admitted and you wanted to cry.

"I think I have too."

"GET A ROOM!"

"KISS HER AGAIN!"

"Kiss her again. Kiss her again. Kiss her again."

So, he did, and honestly, you never wanted him to stop.

Master-Master List

NCT Master List

[itz-kyokolol]

Yooo it’s been forever, I’ve improved my art and I’m so proud of myself for it 😼

I probably won’t post for long while lol

And other Akaashi drawing I drew digitally, I’d say it’s good for me because I drew it on my phone with my finger…

[sadistic-kiss]

👩‍🍳Chef Talk 👩‍🍳

I know I failed the drawing challenge so I’m starting over on day 1 lmao.

I’ve been kind of sad and in the dumps lately and it’s all because of a stupid boy ✨. I wish I didn’t care so much but I do and I hate that I do. So I’m in my Lana del rey Billie eillish moment right now lol. I’m dealing with a sad girl summer 🙂‍↕️

I know this feeling is temporary, but I find sometimes it’s easy to slip into once I’ve already been here. It’s almost like working out, like day by day I have to exercise my brain in healthy ways. Feed myself(healthy things), work out, sleep on time, take a moment to draw. I have to actively fight the urge to bed rot and scroll on TikTok because then the day goes and I feel even more depressed that I didn’t accomplish anything.

It’s like a constant up hill battle and when I started doing well sometimes something can throw me off -LIKE A STUPID BOY- cough- something is in my throat. But anyways~ I’m trying to work myself back into a healthier mindset and namaste these bitches away 🙏.

I’m like one drop away from having a mental break down but like a girl is living I guess lol.

It’s almost like I have to talk to myself, like I have to treat myself like I would my friend who is going through a depressive episode. I have to tell myself like… come in let’s do this! You might like it! And I cycle through things that I might like to do even though I really really don’t want to do it and soemtimes I even find myself enjoying it and it gives me a teaspoon of serotonin and I cheer myself on like I was the first gal on the moon.

But sometimes I can’t be my support buddy and my mom will aid me. Or I’ll use my mom as an inspiration I guess. I’ll clean up for her and make her happy and that makes me happy you know?

It’s a weird thing perhaps to behave this way but I don’t really know what else to do to handle depression and anxiety and all the extra mental illness that I got in the add ons package of life.

I also have a hard time being mean to myself and I have to curve it real fast before it gets too deep. And I have this unhealthy obsession with mindlessly scrolling TikTok so now when I realize I’m doing it I screech and throw my phone before it gets out of hand haha. Jk I redirect myself- anytime I want to go to TikTok I’ll try to do something else like play a video game because that makes me feel better I guess lol. Or I’ll tell myself five videos and THATS IT- it almost feels like an addiction if you want me to be honest and it’s kind of scary. I’ve tried to delete it but then I redownloaded it and was like ‘I don’t have a problem 🤨’ when in fact I do lol.

I fall into this pattern and I just have to breakout of it.

I wasn’t going to type all of this but I thought maybe talking about it could help me and some of you out, like maybe some of you may feel this way and maybe talking about it will help you see that you aren’t alone if you too suffer from whatever this is that I do lol.

Anyways I’m going to go eat dinner and get ready for bed. I’m trying to take care of myself and show myself that I do love me and deserve the best of the best. Self care=self love and no one will love me better than me… and maybe like my mom lol 🖤

Here’s the picture I drew today, my love Lana del Rey . I know it’s not Picasso but I was proud to see it looks better than my older drawings and that’s what makes me happy. I compare my drawings to my drawings and no one else’s haha 🤣 🖤

BONUS POINTS I GET TO SHOW THIS DRAWING TO MY MOM HAHAH

[felixstudios]

Bellringer Art Set

I made a whole bunch of Bellringer art for a little project! And also because he is my current obsession because I cycle through like 20 Cogs to obsess over.

There's 1 PFP, 1 phone background, and 2 desktop backgrounds. These are free to use privately and free to use publicly with credit!

Extra ramblings about the art process below

The PFP was meant to make him look kinda like even when he was super tired, he'd still retain his elegant looks. I mean, he already does look tired all the time, but I was trying to lean into that a little bit. I struggled a lot with the upturned collar since that was actually my first time really drawing it LOL, but I still think it turned out okay.

The phone background was meant to look a little hotter, but uh... I don't think my intentions came across. I struggled SO much to draw the hand and I remember sending around "Biblically accurate Bellringer" which was just all the arm/hand sketch layers being visible because I'd made so many attempts. I do struggle to draw actual hands so the hand was no surprise to me, but the arm too? Seriously? That's usually like, one of the easiest parts of a drawing for me... But on the bright side, it still turned out alright. I think I'll be keeping anatomically incorrect Cathal as my phone wallpaper for now though {I <3 anatomically incorrect Cathal he's so cute even with his weird hand and his misshapen gear neck}.

The desktop backgrounds I'm definitely most proud of. I was complaining to my boyfriend about how I wanted a full piece for the set but wasn't sure if I'd have enough time, and he only said "ocean" in response which I think was meant to be a joke. For me, though, it was a stroke of genius because I realized I can just make a simple background. So, I drew the night/sunset sky. However, all the purples I was using for shading clashed WAY too much with the established style of the rest of the set, so I reused my lineart, reshaded it with red, and threw together a background that matched the other pieces in style. I also decided to pay slight tribute to my Danganronpa Amino days when I'd make "edits" of my favorite characters and subtly copied my old artstyle.

[nocturna-nara]

i like the espeons:3 i used to be rlly into pokemon when i was younger

So I don't know if you wanted me to answer it, but I'll answer it and explain the Espeon that's been in my album.

Back in middle school, I was obsessed with pokemon and when I first started drawing, I posted mostly on DA. I went through many users names that were astronomy based so when I created a pokemon oc like everyone else did in the community, her name was Eclipse.

This one was a cameo of a big eevee comic that a lot of people were reading on DA. The creator accepted my request of putting my oc in the comic as a cameo and she was in here. This was years ago lol.

This one was an art trade that I did with someone again on DA. It has been my pfp for the longest and I believe it still is on other platforms that don't have the user NaraMaiz. So if you see it anywhere, that's me.

This was the oc that they redraw. I did this with phone and finger due to no tab and I was in the 6th grade. I'm still proud of it to this day because I was young when I drew this.

[tomwambsgans]

⭐️ i would like to hear anything you have to say about miracle on 5th avenue!! it’s definitely one of my fav tomgreg fics and i have it saved to my phone :3

OMG i'm so glad that it's someone's fav bc i think it's one of my best works too :')

so firstly i'm really particularly proud of how comprehensive of a piece of Christmas Media i made it, with overlapping lore and classic pop culture references, and all the while keeping it in line with the nutcracker ballet. i really wanted to make it feel like there was a tangible magic to christmas (bc i think there is), and a very tangible history imbued, too.

on that vein, i forget if i've said but that ballet tg art that i drew for the fic is essentially what's going on in my mind's eye during the final scene of miracle on 5th avenue. i really wanted their conversation to feel like the pas de deux - like the music was swelling, and like they were literally dancing around a confession. if i was to make a movie out of the plot of the fic, that scene would absolutely be cutting back and forth between what's "really" happening and the two of them dancing on a ballet stage, kinda like in The Shape of Water.

also something i've never had anyone outright mention but which i really hope ppl notice is the connection between greg and the german nutcracker lore specifically:

"That looks antique," comes Shiv's appraising voice, to Tom's surprise. It's followed by a spiking urge to let go of the nutcracker that caught his eye. But he resists. "I'm surprised that Dad would let that be put out..." "That's because it's mine, Siobhan," Marcia calls from across the room. Tom does let it go carefully, then, and turns to see her patting Greg on the back. "It was made in Germany during the... second World War, I believe. But I've never used it to crack any nuts, so it's remained in fair condition. I see no reason to hide it—particularly, as I've been told that they originally served as a protector of a house. The soldier's little teeth, you see. He bears them and scares evil away."

because not only does greg protect tom but he's so integral to succession's plot that he lowkey does "protect the home." at least symbolically. he brings logan his slippers in 1x2 and wakes sleeping beauty up from his coma, so to speak. and greg is very pointedly not on the plane when logan dies. js.

also i don't think i've ever said this - the idea for a very depressed tom going to a midnight mass was lowkey inspired by the end of the movie The Boys in the Band (1970). nothing else from that movie influenced miracle on 5th avenue, it was really just that that specifically felt so tom that it got me out of a writer's block and lowkey spawned like half the plot of the fic. also i highly rec that movie, it's not about christmas at all but it's a very significant piece of gay cinema.

ANYWAY my last thing is that like a month after writing that fic i visited nyc (for unrelated reasons) and went to gapstow bridge as well as the ice rink in central park mainly so i could be where i'd written them. lol

[whysamwhy123]

✨Fic Writing Review 2023✨

Tagged by the wonderful dynamic duo that is @aerodaltonimperial and @perhapswhoknowsvamp and it's very fitting that those two lovely people tagged me because they're a big reason why I wrote much of anything this year! Took me a while to get this done because I wanted to get my last fic of the year out the door first. I'll put the rest below the cut, and fair warning - it's loooooong. This bitch doesn't shut up, so I rambled on. A lot.

Words and Fics

76, 222 words published on AO3 in 2023

15 fics published on AO3 (16 if you count that one kinkmeme prompt I filled and posted anonymously)

2 little tumblr ficlets

Top 3 by Kudos

Voice in the Dark - Hookhausen (not super surprising, considering it was a popular pairing at the time, and it was the fic I wrote for the anniversary event)

Kids These Days And Their Darn Phones - Hookhausen

Half Your Age Plus Seven - OrangeHook (I continue to be incredibly surprised how well this fic did, like...huh?!)

Top 3 by Hits

Voice in the Dark - Hookhausen

Voice in the Dark, Part Two - Hookhausen (how fitting, LOL)

Half Your Age Plus Seven - OrangeHook (Seriously, what was it about this fic that drew people in? More so than any of my other OrangeHook fics? Like, I'm grateful and all but also confused, like this fic is way too long?! And weird about the age difference?!)

Author's Favourite

As much as I'm loving writing OrangeHook now, I think Voice in the Dark, Part Two is probably the best thing I've written? Even though it's also overly long and gets weird at the end (very much did not expect it to go in that direction when I started writing it), I'm actually pretty proud of how that one turned out. I had a clear vision in my head for how each scene would play out and what I wanted to get across, and man, I remember how most of the Hook/Evilhausen dialogue popped into my brain late one night when I couldn't sleep, so I spat it out into a doc and then about a month later when I actually wrote the scene, I don't think I changed a single word? I just added everything else around it, all the not-dialogue parts. And it was just a lot of fun getting to carry on that story, especially as someone who hasn't managed to crank out a proper multi-chapter fic yet. Who knows, maybe I'll return to that world someday...

Fandom Events in 2023

Uh, well, I guess I did the whole Hookhausen Anniversary thing? And...that's about it. I'm pretty disconnected from the fandom at large, whoopsie daisy 😬

Upcoming Projects

Hoo boy.

I have over 5k words of a Ricky/Christian Sugar Baby AU thing written already. I haven't posted it because it kinda needs some smut and that's still not something I can really do. I might post it someday, if I can make something work, or alternatively do what I normally do and put an annoying fade to black in there. Or maybe I'll think better of it and never post it because it's very self-indulgent and I highly doubt anyone else would really be interested or want me to continue it or anything. But I have Ideas for it...so many ideas...

Also, in my ill-fated quest to try and make myself write smut, I kinda started a Ricky/Bill championship celebration fic. Maybe I'll revisit that? Try to get it done?

And then there's that one fic I really want to work on, but have barely started. I've vague-posted about it here before - it's an incredibly fucked-up Dead Dove fic about Daniel Garcia and a Very Bad, Not-Good thing that happens to him, and the subsequent complete mental breakdown that follows. I've had the idea rattling around in my brain for the better part of a year at this point, despite not making much actual progress on it. Every time I think about it though, I have new ideas for scenes or dialogue. I'd like to make it work, but I don't know if I have the writing chops to handle it, plus it would probably end up being super long and nobody would want to read it, so it'd feel like a huge waste of time on my part? And I've had the idea for so long, it's out-dated too. But still, the urge remains...

Oh, and I still have a ton of OrangeHook ideas I'd like to make happen. Some are, of course, about their age difference. Some would (ideally) involve smut. And others... *nervous laughter* Others would likely result in an ''Everyone disliked that'' situation...

Writing Reflection

I was thinking about making a sappy post about this and whoops, here's my excuse! I don't talk a lot on here about my tragic backstory because honestly, who cares? But I will say this - before January of this year, I hadn't written a word of anything in years. Fic or otherwise. I used to love writing, but Stuff Happened and it killed all enjoyment I got out of it, and I thought that's how it would be forever. Then, for reasons I can't even remember, I started reading fic again, specifically in this wild little fandom of ours, and y'all are just so talented that it made my untalented ass want to give it another shot. So...I did.

I remember when I posted my first fic in ages back in January, I thought ''Maybe about three people will read this and no one will leave a comment or anything, but whatever, I wrote a thing and that's something I haven't done in years so that's enough for me!'' And to be honest, I still think that whenever I post stuff now? It's crazy to me that anyone actually reads my stuff and gets some kind of kick out of it. But every kudos and comment floors me and brings me so much joy, I can't even express it properly. I have to say a huge thank you to anyone who's ever read one of my fics, left kudos or dropped a comment. Whoever and wherever you are, you made my day!

And look, I ain't delusional. I know that calling myself a small fish in the fandom would be too generous. But I'm fine with that - because I'm genuinely enjoying writing again and that's what matters most to me. Even though I've also rediscovered how stressful writing can be (🙂🙂🙂) when it comes down to it, there's joy and happiness in my life that wasn't there last year and that's all because I started writing again. And because some lovely folks here decided to let me know they liked what I was throwing out there. The years have not been kind to ol' Sammy Sam-Sam and this year was no exception, but getting to forget about all that shit and write my silly little wrestling fanfiction has been a great distraction and a comfort through this whole year.

So...yeah. Thanks to everyone who's ever commented on my writing, thanks to the folks who follow me on here (I don't know how you manage that though, I'm such an annoying bitch, aren't you sick of me yet?) and thanks to anyone who I've had the chance to chat with about writing and ships and whatever silly little ideas pop into my head (any of y'all feel free to message me at any time, I am always down to blab about whatever blorbos/ideas take your fancy). I'm hoping I can keep this train a-rollin' a little more next year. Still thinking back to when I started writing again, I made my new AO3 account expecting to write Dustjim only, but then I quickly decided I couldn't write those two well enough, and since then I've bounced around a bunch of different pairings, with a few rarepairs shoved in between for good measure. God only knows where my head will be at this time next year, LOL. I'd love to finally be able to attempt some of the bigger ideas I've been cooking up for a while now. Maybe I'll even write a proper multi-chapter fic? We'll see, but this bitch can dream, at least.

Rules:

Feel free to show whatever stats you have. Only want to show Ao3 stats? Rock on. Want to include some quantitative info instead of stats? Please do this. Want to change how yours is presented? Absolutely do that. Would rather eat glass than do this? Please do eat glass, I’ve heard it’s good for your gums.

I'm not going to tag anyone because I'm pretty sure everyone I know who writes has already been tagged? So if you're reading this and you haven't, go ahead and do it! By which I mean, eat glass. Eat all the glass that you want. Accidents happen in the dark.

[chibishortdeath]

Had to remake this entire post cause I got gunk in my eye and set my phone down for two seconds to clean it and it crashed (´°̥̥̥̥̥̥̥̥ω°̥̥̥̥̥̥̥̥｀)

Anyway, unfortunately slightly less excited/passionate version of this post it is then ughhhhh

Explanations yippie!

I got requested by some friends to draw Simon with short shorts and so I delivered. Really happy with the anatomy on this one :3

Yes this is Fuma slapping his ass and yes it was also a request lol

Simon did not expect that—

But it was a welcome surprise ;3

Simon and Fuma are cuddling in this one! It’s a little hard to make out what’s going on with their arms and legs tho whoops

Just a doodle about the artstyle crisis I had a bit ago with his hair. It didn’t last long and I ended up going right back to drawing it how I usually do anyway, but it was an interesting concept to try. Maybe I’ll try it out again someday cause it looks nice, but ehhhh I just didn’t end up enjoying drawing it very much tbh (TwT ).

To pair with the first image, I drew Simon in his cursed era with short shorts too hehe :3. I also started adding little dark vein patterns to the curse in this doodle :O. I think it’s giving cursed a lot more than just the bloody scratchy patterns I usually draw.

I like to think that maybe if Simon succumbed to the curse he’d end up a vampire. I mean, it’d track with vampire folklore surrounding the vampires’ curse. There’s a lot of stories where the vampire, even when dead or buried, can still long distance drain and inflict someone with illness and the end stage of it is death and coming back as a vampire or other spirit/ghoul. Aughhhh I had a much better rant about this written before the crash but I just can’t replicate it properly aaaaaaa curse you memory problems (;_; ). I’ll have to rant about vampire folklore in a separate dedicated post eventually, it’s fun :)

Yay, pose practice :3! Also this one is never getting finished, the anatomy was too fun to cover with big clunky armor 😔😔😔

This one I am also so proud of X]. I think this is my best depiction of the effects of the curse yet tbh. I had an explanation of the traits I usually depict it having before the crash, so I’ll try to make another one. First things first, it drastically affects the healing process. Things just don’t close up properly or at all in most cases. Old scars tend to open back up a lot easier and this is in part because of the second major effect: rotting. Rotting is a very explanatory word when it comes to physical ailments, implying decay or necrosis! It usually starts at the extremities or around the edges of wounds with skin darkening, bleeding, and either a dryness or wetness, then spreads inwards and downwards or through the blood to other areas. Especially in extreme cases, which I think 6 whole years qualifies for 💀. Simon would probably have very fragile skin in the most affected areas and long story short his hands and feet are probably raw most of the time yikes, ouch, this poor guy :(. I imagine that he probably has some kind of Belmont specific regenerative and resistant ability that’s kept him from dying from it for so long, since they are kinda implied to be a little superhuman in some way. Which is probably a blessing and a curse in itself because on one hand it did allow him to live long enough to fix the problem, but on the other hand that had to absolutely suck (haha, Drac haha). I’ve explained other elements of it in another older post now that I think of it, so I might have to gather all this stuff together and make a more in depth post about it cause it’s really neat to talk about :3! I had like a huge special interest as a kid for injury and disease cause I started making ocs and ran into a bunch of “how to write realistic injury” posts and I’m glad for it cause it comes back any time I’m writing or drawing something that requires that knowledge. :)