#protectv

[feltpool]

What 90's comic book horror do I have to share with you today?

"I'm a huge blue glowing soldier whose hair is blowing in the breeze from an unseen fan like I'm filming a shampoo commercial and today I'm wearing my combat codpiece, heavily armoured chaps and, checks notes, ballet flats"

[yoyowrites]

AU where sj studied at the cang qiong sect but doesn't become a peak lord. he instead becomes a traveling cultivator because he gets to feel talented amongst the average person and he gets to feel morally superior by solving small (comparetively) issues that most big clans would ignore. his luck is still not great so he gains a reputation for being a bit of a drunk and womanizer (he still visists brothels commonly)

he comes across a young lbh in his travels and has such mixed feelings. on one hand pity: lbh is clearly being taken advantage of by other village people (especially the family his mother worked for) and the kid was too sweet or too stupid to say no. on the other hand he's jealous. lbh is happy. he doesn't have much but he does have a mother who is always on his side.

eventually, lbh's mother dies and sj is as conflicted as ever. he plans to let the boy fend for himself when he overhears other cultivators talk about taking in lbh. sj impulsively decides that he cannot let that happen an decides to adopt (kidnap) lbh before he can be taken by the cultivators.

it wasn't hard to get lbh to follow him and the two basically go around as master and disciple for years. sj struggles between being protectve of lbh, being jealous og lbh (bc he still has the protagonist halo so lbh is still smart and strong), and feeling guilty (bc if it weren't for him lbh would probably be one of the strongest cultivators). lbh is happy to be there. while lbh isn't abused, he still sometimes has to walk on eggshells bc sj can flip flop between being sweet and cold. still, he loves being with sj

[hello-nichya-here]

Ozai dies while Zuko is banished, leading to Azula having to lead the nation. What happens? Also, please add Zucest.

"Also, please add Zucest" you say, like there was ever any chance of me keeping this platonic XD

How things will play out depends on when the death and coronation take place in the story.

If it happens before Aang gets out of the iceberg

In that scenario, one of Azula's first moves as Fire Lord will be bringing Zuko home, especially if it happens shortly after his banishment and she's still just 11. She might not care for Iroh, but she won't complain about him inevitably coming along - he was not banished after all - but they're going to butt-heads a lot because Iroh won't like that she's Fire Lord instead of Zuko, and she doesn't care.

I think Zuko would be conflicted at first, because he doesn't get along well with Azula, but she did just bring him back home like he always wanted, and due to Ozai's death she'd be much more emotionally fragile and unstable. It'd officially start his transformation into reluctant, protectve big brother.

The Avatar, obviously, won't be a concern until the events of the winter solstice as everyone thinks he's dead. Azula would send other people to capture Aang, at least at first, because while the matter is urgent, she'd be reluctant to part with the only family she has left. Eventually, she'd have Zuko traveling around with her trying to capture Aang because clearly everyone else is too incompetent to handle this.

If it happens before Ozai sends Azula to capture Zuko and Iroh

She'd give him and Iroh orders keep on trying to capture the Avatar - but this time as a proper mission, not as a condition for Zuko to come back home, and he'd be allowed to show up at the Fire Nation, be treated as a prince, ask for help, share informations about the Avatar, etc. He can quit the mission if he wants, but Azula very deliberately frames it as "admit you're not strong/smart enough to accomplish this" which Zuko doesn't like.

... And fine, maybe he kind of likes impressing the new Fire Lord.

If it happens after Ozai sent Azula to capture Zuko and Iroh, but she did not leave the Fire Nation yet

Mostly the same as the previous scenario, but she'd be a bit harsher and more demanding with Zuko because Ozai would have already considered them not just useless, but shameful to the nation.

Her giving Iroh the same benefit would depend on how weak Azula is to Zuko's puppy eyes - aka, he'll be fine, but she'll make him miserable because one of the last things Ozai would have said to her was "Iroh is a traitor."

If it happens after Ozai sent Azula to capture Zuko and Iroh, and she already confronted them

Azula would reason that it makes no sense (and would make her look weak) to go from treating them like traitors worthy of being imprisoned for life to making friends with them, so she'd still chase them, and eventually offer Zuko, and only Zuko, that chance of redemption in Ba Sing Se.

He'd still accept because he never wanted this simple, quiet life, and Azula would get one of an ego boost since he'd have come home with her without her using "father will forgive and love you" as an argument. Zuko will find that Fire Lord Azula can be VERY generous to those that do what she wants them to.

Bonus: If Ozai dies while she's in Ba Sing Se, but his will makes it clear Azula is to inherit

It'd be one huge mixeed feeling for her - she captured Ba Sing Se, killed the Avatar, and redeemed her brother... yet her father is gone. He died before she accomplished all of that. The person whose validation she craved the most can no longer offer it to her.

She'd be very depressed and thus Zuko would be very worried. One night she'd go to him for "comfort" and he can't bring himself to say no. He knows he should, but come on, she just needs something to cheer her up. That makes it okay, right?

Conclusion

In all versions, Azula inevitably gets pregnant and wants to marry Zuko - and since she's Fire Lord, that proposal is made through a very romantic threat of throwing him in jail forever if he refuses.

[lovezbrownies]

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ *ੈ✩‧₊˚Gen Ludenhart Masterlist

•·.·''·.·•Introduction•·.·''·.·

•·.·''·.·•Delusional•·.·''·.·

•·.·''·.·•Headcanons•·.·''·.·

•·.·''·.·•Darling kicking the bucket•·.·''·.·

•·.·''·.·•Solo Portrait•·.·''·.·

•·.·''·.·•Sick and Twisted•·.·''·.·

•·.·''·.·•Dressing up•·.·''·.·

•·.·''·.·•Get to know her•·.·''·.·

•·.·''·.·•Protectve•·.·''·.·

•·.·''·.·•Is this an act of Love?•·.·''·.·

•·.·''·.·•The affect of you•·.·''·.·

•·.·''·.·•Not mine•·.·''·.·

•·.·''·.·•Portrait 2•·.·''·.·

•·.·''·.·•Your loss•·.·''·.·

•·.·''·.·•Death after Love•·.·''·.·

EXTRA:

Gen unintentionally cute

Gen makes Reina get you

Sketches

[duckthevillain]

Sonic prime season 3 episode 2 spoilers

Ok but when Sonic was done with helping the chaos council to recharge and put up the protectve shield and then when he was done he was fucking limping I-

HASN'T HE BEEN THROUGH ENOUGH??!!!!!!

[kuumara]

in s5 bc will is back in hawkins hes gonna be like possessed like he was in s2 (not like he was in 3 bc the ud is open already ykyk) and then bc of that they somehow find out he hs powers im calling it im also calling mike being sweet and protectve with him like he ws in s2🥰🥰 also them both saving the day like in s2 when mike figured out will was doing morse code (bc of the power of gay love may i add)

[soulisslippery]

Hey guys, there’s another one!! Another video about it! We need to help get the word around please spread this!!

[seriouslynatural]

(via Summer Protective Hairstyles & How To Make Sure They Protect While Staying Beautiful)

[maburito]

I’m rewatching Anastasia right now and WELP i finally remember why Rasputine always made me piss my pants as a kid

[richardsikens]

any mutuals who appreciate bram as much as i do jdkfkfk i have bramgreenfield and bramsgreenfelds i'm not gonna use probably

[bisiz]

undefined

#StayAtHome and enjoy your time: http://bit.ly/YogaBurn200 

 April Fools #WednesdayWisdom Scott Storch #floridaunemployment Jaejoong #ProtectVico New Month Rabbit Rabbit seonghwa Aprilscherz #COVIDー19 #AprilFoolsDay Marriage

[terrence-silver]

kreese being protectve of his pregnant wife? how do you think he feels about people trying to touch her belly or ask her how far along she is?

I mean, Kreese is an old fashioned guy who doesn’t take to fools lightly and all this intrusiveness, questions, poking, prodding, belly touching probably has him gruff and on his guard. He doesn’t like it. Asking about the baby's gender? Why'd you care? Who the fuck are you even? His beloved being crowded from all sides by irritating, overly curious, irritating types? Sigh-worthy. Making nosy comments? Of any variety? Even if they’re complements? He doesn’t enjoy it and sees no point to any of it, given that in his opinion, it is empty posturing and an absolute waste of time which he’d much rather cut short --- but if he does hold back, it solely for his beloved’s sake and the fact that they’re in a good mood and that it seems to make them smile (and make them look beautiful) and that is literally the only reason why he’d avoid coaxing them away with some very firm excuse; which John still might do anyway if the social exchange takes a bit too long for his tastes, verging on testing his patience. Or better yet --- he places his own hand on his beloved’s pregnant belly with a small smile to signal that this place, right here, on their stomach is taken, that this person should cease touching them and it is absolutely time to move along. 

[jadedxrealityw]

-Betrayed- Draco Malfoy x Female Reader

♡~🐍~♡

  Request:  Hi Kody! Can you do a jealous/protectv Draco where you're dating but every boy likes you and thinks you're super pretty and cute even though you're a Slytherin and you're always getting stare from boys especially your childhood best friend Lorenzo who also has a crush on you. He like pulls you aside to Moaning Myrtle’s bathroom from Draco one day and touches you and you scream for Draco and that like the sectumsempra scene except as soon as Draco shows up and tries to help you, Enzo crucios you?

  Kody: Woke up and chose violence huh? 

  Year: 7th

  House: Slytherin

  Possible Triggers/Warnings: cursing, Draco being the badass protective boyfriend he is, attempted sexual assault, wack ass best friends, reader harm.

   ♡~🐍~♡

   saturday mornings were always the best. The weekend was starting and you were ready to just hang out with friends and spend some much loved quality time with Draco, your boyfriend. Yes. You, Y/n L/n were in a very loving relationship with the Slytherin prince himself.

   you remembered the day he asked you to be his girlfriend quite clearly. He was so surprised you said yes, saying things along the lines of “But your so out of my league” or “are you really sure” it took you a total of 15 minutes to convince him that you indeed wanted to be with him.

   now half a year later you both were the power couple of the school with people labeling you as the “hottest slytherin girl” which you found quite creepy. Boys always had there eyes on you and it wasn’t always the most pleasant feeling to be watched, unless it was Draco. Then you liked the attention.

   Draco especially didn’t like the looks guys gave you, calling them “horny bastards” and other insults. At least you had one normal guy friend (or so you thought). Lorenzo. He was your childhood best friend and couldn’t imagine your life without him.

   your boyfriend sure could. Draco knew Lorenzo was just like all the rest of the guys at Hogwarts. A horny bastard. He gave you the weirdest, lustful looks when you weren’t looking, but Draco was. He had tried to tell you about Lorenzo, but you always reassured him that it was just his jealousy getting to him.

   Draco would unfortunately be proven right today. 

    ♡~🐍~♡

   “Darling, it’s time to get up” Draco slowly shook your unconscious body. You start to stir, until your e/c eyes open up. As soon as you see Draco, you smile “Hi” you whisper in a tired morning voice. He cracks a smile and leans down to plant a chaste kiss to your lips.

   you had stayed in Draco’s dorm the night before because well- why not? “Do i have too?” you ask. not wanting to ruin the perfect position you were in at the moment. He lets out a quiet snicker before nodding his head “yes, my love. Now lets get ready. I’m sure you’ve left enough clothes here.”

   Draco pulls the black duvet off of his body and gets out of bed. You groan in frustration before getting up yourself. “Stupid mornings” you grumble, your boyfriend laughing at your childish behavior. “I know dear, so sad” he puts on a mock pout as he reaches down to pull his shirt off.

   you take a second glance at his toned chest. Hot damn. He raises a brow, a smirk plastered on his face “Eyes up here Y/n or i’ll give you something to look at” his tone was low and demanding. A shiver ran up your spine as you walk over to one of the drawers, face flushed.

   you dig out a dark green sweater, a light green plaid tennis skirt and black stockings. You began to put on your clothes and Draco did as well. The whole process only took about ten minutes. Once you slipped the skirt on, you felt a pair of hands grip your waist.

   a quick kiss was placed behind your ear “You look stunning. I wish no one else could see you this way” he whispers, his warm breath hitting the back of your neck. You let out a small whine “Can we hurry up and leave, so we can hurry up and get back” 

   he chuckles deeply and lets go of your waist, only to grip your hand. “I can agree with that” he opens his door and you both head out.

    ♡~🐍~♡

   walking down the hall, you feel Draco’s hand grip yours tighter “Honey, calm down before you break my ring finger” you spoke in a sickenly sweet tone. You tug your hand away and pout. He looks over at you and sighs deeply “I’m sorry, it’s just hard to not kill every male in this school”

   what a big baby “I know, but i’m all yours, remember that” you nod once. A smile graces his lips at your words as he looks forward. “Thank you Y/n. Sorry for overreacting again- Y/n?” he spoke, when he had turned to look at you once again. You were gone.

   as Draco spoke someone grabbed your arm and had pulled you into Moaning Myrtle’s bathroom. You squealed loudly and hit whoever had dragged you in here. “Ouch! Y/n what the hell?!” wait- you knew that voice. You look behind yourself and saw Lorenzo. 

   you let out a small laugh “Enzo! i’m sorry! You scared me. Real funny by the way” you chuckle. “I need to talk to you about something” he speaks seriously, which catches you off guard. “Okay? Sure” you shrug your shoulders nonchalantly. 

   his eyes wander your body a little to long as he gulps. Strange. “We’ve been friends a long time Y/n” he starts, stepping forward towards you. You nod with a small smile “Of course we have silly” he cracks a smile. “and i know everything about you and vise versa”

   another step forward. You back up a bit. “Uh huh?” you say, a little unsure about where this conversation was going. He seemed to be at loss of words for a moment. Before you could say anything else he had pinned you against the bathroom wall.

   your eyes widened in shock and you instantly went to push him away “Enzo?! What the fuck!? Get off of me!” you shout, using your hands to shove his chest, but he was way stronger than you. His hand went to your thigh, running it over the stockings “You’re so beautiful Y/n” he whispered into your ear.

   a terrible feeling churned in your stomach. You felt sick. Why was he doing this? “Let me go!” you protest, tears forming in the corner of your eyes. His hand gets dangerously close to your- yeah. “Why can’t you love me the way you love-” “DRACO!” you shout, his eyes go wide. 

   not even a slip second later your Slytherin boyfriend busts through the door. His eyes scan the sight and he looks furious “Get the bloody hell off my girlfriend you sick fuck!” venom laced with each word. While Enzo is distracted you duck under his arm.

   Enzo pulls out his wand and points it at Draco “Crucio!” he yells. Draco dodges the spell and rushes over to you “Are you alright?” he asked, grabbing your hand. You nod, which relieves him in some way. “You don’t deserve her! I’ve known her longer!” Enzo shouts Crucio again.

   Draco went to reach for his wand, but it’s too late. You drop to the floor, letting out a blood curdling scream. One that makes his heart tug harshly. “Y/n!” he drops to the floor as your body spasmed violently. Enzo dropped his wand and went to walk over to you.

   before Enzo could take another step Draco protectively grabs your body and pulls you closer to him by your waist “Stay the fuck away you piece of fucking shit! Never show your face to me or Y/n again i will end you! Remember this, your only alive because your her friend! Now fucking go!”

   your friend looked hurt by his words, but Draco was right in every word he said. Enzo collected his wand and left the bathroom. The pain had started to subside, but small whines and whimpers left your mouth, body shivering. He held your held close to his chest.

   “Fuck. i’m so sorry darling. I promise the pain will go away just breathe” he tries to give you a reassuring smile, but tears spilled out instead. “Shit” he cursed and scooped your body in his arms. He stands up and makes his way out the bathroom.

    ♡~🐍~♡

   he walked out, gazing at your face. It was tear stained and your eyes were shut tightly. “Malfoy?” his head snapped to the direction of the voice. Great the golden trio. Just peachy. “Piss o..off” he hissed like second nature, but his voice was cracked and hoarse. Harry looked irritated by his choice of words.

   “What’s happened to Y/n? Why is she shivering?” Hermione spoke up, pushing past the two Gryffindor boys in front of her. Draco looked away from her and at your face. His brain couldn’t function at the moment, unable to form words. “Draco? What. Happened?”

   Hermione spoke in a calm tone. She could clearly tell Draco was distressed, which was the cause of his silence. He sniffles before answering “C..Cruciatus curse. I..i was to slow..” he started to sputter. Hermione nods, smiling lightly “We need to bring her to the hospital wing. Okay?”

   Draco looked back and forth between both girls before nodding “O..Okay.” he repeats. Ron and Harry were confused as all hell about what was going on, but followed Hermione as she led Draco to the hospital wing where you could be treated.

    ♡~🐍~♡

   your eyes slowly opened. You saw white all around you. Where the hell were you at right now? As your eyes adjusted, the room started to look familiar. The hospital wing. “Madam pomfrey?” you spoke, expecting her to be near enough to hear. “Love?” that was not a woman's voice.

   you turn your head slowly to the left and see a very disheveled Draco Malfoy sitting in a chair next to the bed you were occupying. “A small smile forms on your face “Draco? You look terrible” he laughs quietly, grabbing your hand “I know. It’s been a rough day”

   you nod slowly, the memories of the previous events flooding your head like a harsh tidal wave. Enzo. He had betrayed you in the worst way possible. “It has. I’m sorry i worried you so much” a pout replaced your smile. He shakes his head “No, dont say sorry. It’s that bastards fault. He hurt you”

   “What happened to Enzo by the way? Is he in trouble?” you asked. Even if he did hurt you, he was still somebody important to you. “Granger ended up reporting him to Dumbledore on her own accord. He was expelled two hours later.” you looked slightly confused.

   “Hermione? Since when were you friendly with a Gryffindor” you asked. He rolls his eyes with a small grin “Oh yes. Potter and Weasley as well. I was a bit out of sorts when they found me with you so they guided me here. Helped me” he explained, his eyes averting to your hand in his.

   “I’ll have to thank them later then” You say, a crash is heard outside the door “No need!” Hermione yelled through the door. You chuckled as Draco narrowed his eyes “Get away from the door! Come back later!” he shouts. Shuffling was heard and a array of footsteps running away.

   “Come back later? Is this friendship i smell?” you say with a smug smile. He rolls his grey eyes as he plants a quick kiss on your lips “Maybe” he spoke, making you smile brightly. 

   “I heard a maybe!”

   “Ron!”

   “Ron!”

    ♡~🐍~♡

   Kody: Boom done. Had to add a bit of funny hunny at the end. My scoliosis is kicking in so in fear that my spine is going to turn into a wet noodle. Drink some water, eat some food, touch some grass. yeah i see you reading smut.  Anyways, peace.

[sparkiewine]

Ello it's me again here with some MonoDeku head cannons

Keep in mind this is in the setting of their 3rd year

・Izuku somehow got fucking massive and is about 6'1 while Neito didn't grow at all and is still 5'7

・But Neito is content with it because they can go somewhere and will never have a problem

・They've done "it" once and Neito was a very dominant bottom

・Izuku is a very Protective person so whenever their together you'll usually find him hugging Neito from behind or holding Neitos hand

・both class A and B where behind surprised when they found out they got together the only people that knew beforehand where Kendo and Momo

・They like to go on dates Most of the time it's usually at like a Cat or Dog Cafe because of how much both of them love animals

・Monoma had actually become friends with everyone in Class A even Katsuki and Before all of them thought he acted like a little sibling while actually he's a Total mom friend letting people talk to him, cooking for people, and even one time helped babysit Eri

・I Imagine Inko fell in love with Neito I mean Izuku was able to score a Beautiful Guy who's smart, creative, funny, and caring and Inko also just wants Izuku to be happy

・Their one of the couples to always show public affection

・May I also say their the school couple like seriously everyone knows that Neito from class 3B and Izuku from class 3A are together

・They very rarely ever fight and if they do it's because of something stupid but they did have a very big argument because of Neito saying how Izuku should Value his life more

・Neito loves wearing everyone's clothes I mean he worn stuff from Iida all the way to Katsuki but Izuku always hates that Neito just doesn't ask him for clothes

・Very big on Lap cuddles

・Small spoon Neito

・Neito has the to cook for the deku squad because they're all hopeless at cooking

・they got together during the end of the First year during summer

・Neito is very open about liking to wear skirts and crop tops even sometimes wearing dresses and Izuku loves it when he does

・Izuku was beyond nervous to meet Neitos Mothers I mean His mother Is beyond terrifying while his Maman is sweet but scary in her own way but they really liked Izuku and they want Neito to be happy

・One time Izuku caught Neito crying and then he soon found out Neito isn't all that narcissistic and is actually very doubting about himself this was in their first year

・If you ever hurt Neito prepare to die and then come back to life cause like I said before Izuku is very protectve

⚠TW:Mention of sexual assault⚠

・Someone had actually sexually assaulted Neito before while they were one a quadruple date with KiriTetsu, KamiShin, and MomoKen,Neito had gone out in a skirt and some drunk asshole decided it was a good ideas to grope him while Neito wasn't paying attention the asshole almost got his whole arm broken because of the power of the grip Izuku had on the guys arm showing him it wasn't a good idea to touch Neito

Okay this is the end hopefully I'll be able to do more head cannons later on

[skellebonez]

71 with a double date between Spicynoodleshipping and Freenoodleshipping?

"That was fun. I'm never doing it again."

To say this was awkward would be a massive understatement. Awkward did not even begin to cover the full extent of what was happening. The only way this could have been more uncomfortable was if the person who insisted they supervise their date it was somehow one of Red Son's parents.

But no, the smallest mercy available to them was that it was Pigsy and Tang... and it was becase of Tang.

MK knew that it was a risk to finally tell everyone (except Mei, being the matchmaker that helped them stop being oblivious to each other) that he and Red Son had started dating. He knew that it was possibly going to cause more than a little... well, drama? But most of the reactions he got were nowhere near the reactions he expected. Sandy just seemed happy for them, if a little concerned considering the circumstances. Monkey King seemed mostly the same and to MK that was just... well, just weird! He expected the ancient to be more suspiscious, maybe even bring up some objections, but instead he seemed to encourage them more than anyone else.

And then there were Pigsy and Tang. Oh holy shit there were Pigsy and Tang.

They had both expected at least an interogation, maybe even some vague threats in Red's direction about not hurting him from Pigsy. They knew he was protectve of MK, and he was the most opposed to giving Red a chance when he needed a place to stay. But nope. He just. Told them to be careful and if either of them needed anything they could ask him. Maybe the fact Pigsy had technically spent the most time with Red after he was kicked out, watching him sulk in the noodle shop every day for over a week (even the days MK was out on delivery or in training) from behind the counter had something to do with it. Maybe they were even more obvious to him than they were Mei. Maybe the two of them had conversations that Red didn't realize endeared him to the pig demon. But he was the most understanding of the bunch.

And then they told Tang and the scholar got a look in his eye. He appeared sweet and understanding on the outside but there was something about his aura that screamed "I can and will find a way to bury you" the entire time. MK had only seen Tang like this once before.

The last time the elder man saw his parents.

And then he made the mistake of telling Tang they actually maybe needed to start getting ready to go out to dinner and the most dreaded words he could have never possibly imagined left his father figure's mouth. "Great, you know Pigsy and I were thinking of going out tonight too. Let's just make it a double date!"

And that is how the four of them managed to be sitting across from each other in a relatively upscale resteraunt, all of them being paid for by Red on his insistance, mood awkward as Tang pointedly sipped on his drink and listened to Red lose himself in a tangent on different engine types.

It would have been so adorable if he was listening to him alone, but even still he couldn't stop himself from watching him with what must have been a star struck look on his face.

That is, until he looked over at Pigsy and his other father figure gave him a half smirk, seeming more amused than anything else. He seemed amused through the entire meal, like he was having dinner and a show. The "embarass your in name only adult child by intimidating his boyfriend" show.

"-and if you change them out the highest capacity it can reach will actually-uh... I-I'm sorry," Red Son sputtered out as he realized he'd been taking over the conversation for almost 5 minutes, his hair that had been lightly flickering dying down to its normal resting state. "This is probably rude, isn't it?" He looked away, an embarassed expression on his face. MK could tell he was trying so hard to impress Tang through the whole meal.

To be fair he had done the exact same thing earlier in the meal and Red probably had the same look on his face too.

"I don't mind," Tang finally spoke, taking the last bite of his dessert. "It was obvious you were very passionate about the subject, Red Son. I'd like to continue this discussion tomorrow if that's alright with you."

And with that Tang smiled an ACTUAL smile for the first time the entire evening and the awkward aura lifted. At the end of dinner.

Just their luck.

----------

"That was fun. I'm never doing it again."

Pigsy cackled, flopping down on the couch once he removed his jacket. "I told you, Tang, he's actually changed! You haven't been around the shop as much 'cause of work, but he's been around me almost the whole time and I've seen how he looks at MK. Like he'll deliver the whole world to him instead of just my noodles."

The sound that left Tang was halfway beween a chuckle and a snort. He joined Pigsy on the couch, turning on the TV and snuggling up against the shorter demon. "I know, you've told me. I just wanted to see it for myself. Make sure MK wouldn't be hurt."

"And you're sure about that now?"

"No one looks at their significant other while they endlessly talk about something they clearly don't know anything about like that without being hopelessly in love," Tang said sagely, kissing the top of his boyfriend's head. "I should know, you still get that look when I talk about work."

[365days365movies]

May 4, 2021: The Host (2006) (Recap)

NO NOT THAT ONE

Stephanie Meyer goddamn sucks. I realize that I’m not exactly the first person to say that, but she’s terrible. Not only is she not a good writer, but she also has some very disparaging views about science fiction and its fans, which led her to make her own science fiction book and film. ANd yeah...it’s terrible! No surprise there.

So, no, not the 2013 critical and commercial flop known as The Host. No, this post is about 2006′s The Host, AKA Gwoemul, AKA 괴물. I haven’t ventured to far into the world of Korean cinema, and with this film, my repertoire includes only the films of director Bong Joon-Ho. And if that name sounds familiar...it should.

Bong Joon-ho DESERVEDLY made headlines last year when his film became the first non-English language film to win for Best Picture, and the first time Asian writers won for best screenplay! His Oscar speech in accepting best director is genuinely one of the best and most sincere speeches I’ve ever heard from a director, and I love the dude.

Oh, and if you’re wondering which film it was, then, like me, you also really need to watch Parasite. And because I’m terrified of spoilers, I’m not gonna look for GIFs of that movie. Instead, I’ll put in a GIF of one of my favorite sci-fi films, and the only other Bong Joon-ho film I’ve seen.

God, I love Snowpiercer. And if this is anything like that, I’m probably going to love this movie. Now, I don’t really know much about this film, other than the fact that it’s a monster film. And if there’s any science-fiction subgenre more iconic than monster films, I don’t know it. Well...OK, aliens, robots, and more, but monster films are still a big part of the genre. But where does that begin? Is it here?

Definitely an argument you can make, since Frankenstein’s Monster is a creation of science gone wrong, from the book to the movie. Fun fact, Mary Shelley based it on a real-world experiment by Italian physiologist Giovanni Aldini, who used a corpse to illustrate the connection between electricity and muscles. Neat, huh? So, yeah, that’s a solid launching point.

But that’s more of a horror story. What about something a little more monster-y? Well, from the UK to Japan we go!

OHHHHHH YEAH, THAT’S THE GOOD STUFF

Toho’s 1954 film Gojira is one of the most classic monster films ever made, and singlehandedly launched the kaiju genre in Japan. And it’s really well-known that it was made as a response to post-World War II tensions about nuclear warfare. Which, in Japan, is kind of understandable, no? But nothing demonstrated the destructive power of science more than that moment in history. 

So, Godzilla arrives. And the US also makes more monster movies, most of which take place in contemporary settings, making many of them lo-fi sci-fi. Now, some dipped into horror or fantasy, but the science fiction roots were there. Which eventually would bring us full circle to films where monsters were made and go loose. You know, like this:

It’s a franchise that defines the ‘90s, and lab-grown monster movies exploded around that time as well. At the same time, environmental concerns REALLY started to build by this point, and those concerns leaked profusely into film all over the world. And by the time we get to 2006...well, let’s get into it, huh?

SPOILERS AHEAD!!!

Recap

In a mortuary, a U.S. military doctor (Scott Wilson) instructs his assistant (Brian Lee) to dump bottles of formaldehyde down the drain of the facility, which goes directly into the Han River. The assistant protests, but the doctor insists, despite the risk of polluting the river. AAAAAmericans.

In the river about two years later, two fisherman see something strange looking in the river. Then, four years later, in 2006, a suicidal man is about to jump into the river, when he sees something dark in the water below.

Later that year, we meet Park Hee-bong (Byun Hee-Bong) and his son Park Gang-du (Song Kang-ho), who run a food truck and snack bar near the river. Gang-du’s not exactly a hard worker, to his father’s chagrin. His daughter, Hyun-seo (Go Ah-sung), is a student who comes home from school, where her drunken uncle Nam-il (Park Hae-il) comes to her chagrin. She and her father watch TV, where his sister Nam-joo (Bar Doona) can be seen competing in archery.

As he’s bringing food out to customers, he joins them in observing something strange and massive hanging off of the bridge. And at this point, I would be running the fuck away. Literally, the news just said that there was a body found with the legs missing, and these people are throing cans at it after it plunges into the water. One girl asks if it’s a dolphin. Mother...HAVE YOU SEEN A DOLPHIN BEFORE?

NOT THIS

Yeah, this thing just comes bounding along the shore, slapping people into the water with its tail, and batting aside others. Doesn’t look like its actively killing anybody yet, but it’s definitely hurting people at least. That is, until it goes into a trailer where a bunch of people have gathered, and appears to eat a bunch of them. So, yeah, dangerous.

Gang-du, to his infinite credit, actually attempts to confront and hurt the creature, with the help of Donald White (David Joseph Anselmo). And it works, but at the cost of the creature aggro-ing onto him. Back at the snack truck, his sister’s lost the title, much to the chagrin of Gang-du’s daughter and father. She goes outside in frustration, only to be thrown into the midst of the chaos with her dad. He grabs a girls hand in the chaos, only to find that it’s a different child entirely. And...unfortunately...

The creature grabs her with its tail, and leaps back into the river, disappearing. Fuck. Poor Hyun-seo, and poor Gang-du. Gang-du IMMEDIATELY goes to get her back, jumping into the river, but the creature takes her across to an island, out of reach. That night, an impromptu funeral is held for the victims, at which Hyun-seo is being honored as well. There, both Gang-du’s sister and brother also attend, and all four of the break down dramatically and publicly.

Nam-il blames his brother for letting her die, which is unfair, but understandable. The family eventually calms down and discusses the circumstances of Hyun-Seo’s birth and death, both of which were accidental. As they do, a man in a protective suit comes out, and asks who was at the river incident. Nam-il protests this, and asks what’s going on. The man doesn’t explain, and the room is instead gassed, as everyone is ushered towards the entrance.

In the process, Gang-du (stupidly) reveals that he was hit by some blood splatter. He’s immediately stuffed in a bag and kidnapped by the authorities. Meanwhile, the news reveals that the creature is carrying a virus, and anyone who has been in contact with it has been infected. Because of this, the entire family is taken to a quarantine hospital, which oddly has very few actual quarantine procedures in place. And additionally, Gang-du is feeling a bit itchy.

That night, in the hospital, Gang-du gets a call on his cell phone! It’s Hyun-seo! She’s alive! And she’s trapped, in a sewer somewhere near the river. Meanwhile, a group of men in protectve suits are outside patrolling the river. One man finds money on the side of the road, and goes to pick it up, only for the men to be attacked by the creature. But it’s then that we discover that the creature is not killing or eating people, but simply taking them own to its lair. Also in said lair is Hyun-seo, trapped and with a now dead phone.

The next day, the family tries to get an officer to look into the call, only for the officer to be, frankly, an absolute piece of shit to this grieving family. Gang-du tries to explain, and his explanation is ENTIRELY RATIONAL, but the officer and doctors are absolutely terrible about it.

Because nobody’s listening, the family manages to escape from the hospital in order to try and save Hyun-Seo, and they hop into a van, taking it and running. This is a good place to mention that, despite this being a monster movie, it's also...weirly funny sometimes. Like, that whole scene is pretty great. After bartering with a group of gangsters for supplies (and after Hee-bong basically gives away all of his credit cards), the group manages to get a map and a new car. But they pretty quickly get stopped at a checkpoint into the city, and are nearly caught, but manage to escape and get to the riverfront. Once there, they begin searching the sewers to find Hyun-seo. And I gotta say; this may be an extremely dysfunctional family, but they’re a devoted family all the same.

Of course, that eventually gives way to arguments within the sewer itself, but that’s interrupted by a noise heard somewhere around them. They fire at it, using weapons obtained from the gangster but conclude that it was nothing. What it actually is is two brothers, older Se-jin (Lee Jae-eung) and younger Se-joo (Lee Dong-ho), homeless kids who are foraging the sewers in the abandoned city. But, of course, they eventually run into the creature, which attacks them. Meanwhile, an asleep Hyun-Seo dreams of dinner with her family, only to be woken up by the arrival of the creature, who deposits the bodies of the two boys in the sewer with her. Se-joo has survived, but Se-jin hasn’t, sadly.

Meanwhile, the rest of the family is gathered at their snack bar for the night, and prepares to set out or the morning. The to younger siblings appear to not give a single shit about Gang-du, but Hee-bong attempts to set them straight, talking about how he blames himself for the way Gang-du is now. However, the two just fall asleep during his speech. Poor Hee-bong. Also, he can apparently identify Gang-du’s health condition based on his farts because they spend so much time together, it’s dumb, and funny.

Also, poor the rest of them, because Gang-du wakes up to see the creature just waiting outside, watching them. Hee-bong fires at it, but the creature attacks and knocks over the bar. However, Hee-bong manages to hit it directly in the head, knocking it off, but not killing it. The family goes out to finish the job, but it runs away before they can kill it. They run after it, and are almost completely out of bullets. Hee-bong volunteers to go after it himself, but in the process...

Hee-bong doesn’t make it. The creature kills him, and the commotion attracts the military to their location. Gang-du is again captured, while Nam-il and Nam-joo escape, only to later be separated regardless. Meanwhile, the virus kills Donald White, the sergeant from earlier, and it continues to spread across Korea. To kill the creature, the government plans to release a chemical into the river called Agent Yellow, which feels...controversial.

Nam-il meats a colleague, “Fat Guevara” (Yam Pil-sung), who is easily able to provide a location for Hyun-seo using the number, which the cop earlier insisted was nearly impossible to do. Plus, both the sergeant and Gang-du encountered the creature together, and he seems to be just fine. Which probably means that something very wrong is happening now. Even worse, though, is the fact that Guevara’s appeared to trap Nam-il, as a massive reward is sought for his arrest. A gang of people surround hi, with the plan to capture him, but he VERY cleverly escapes by causing an electrical short, and AFTER having found Hyun-seo’s location! Nice, man! He takes off, now knowing exactly where his niece is.

Nam-joo, meanwhile, is literally living inside of the snack bar, and she gets a text from Nam-il with her location. He tags out, and she tags in, running to the location where the call came from. But she immediately runs into the creature, which knocks her down and unconscious. She manages to call Gang-du, who is currently about to be sedated. Now knowing where his daughter is, he tries to escape, only to be tackled by the doctors. He tells them where she is, but they don’t appear to listen. More importantly, the anesthetic doesn’t appear to work, much to the confusion of the doctors. Something is verrrrrrrry wrong here.

An American doctor (Paul Lazar) comes, and asks what’s wrong, and he tells him exactly what’s wrong. However, despite his words SEEMING to be heard, they once again call him crazy and delusional, and decide to give him a lobotomy to isolate the virus once and for all, like FUCKING ASSHOLES. Turns out that the virus? Yeah, it doesn’t exist whatsoever! It doesn’t exist even a little bit! Which means that this entire thing is a wild goddamn goose chase for a virus that DOESN’T FUCKING EXIST!!!

And the best thing is that Gang-du, despite not actually knowing English, still understands the words “no virus”, and know he fucking knows! However, because he knows, they now have to give him a lobotomy. Fuck me, man. Panicking, he cries for them to stop, and cries for his daughter, who’s still alive in the sewer.

Speaking of, Hyun-seo and Se-joo are bonding in the sewer, as they work to make a rope from things they find there. But in the process, they’re attacked by the creature, who know is actively eating the bodies, and presumably other people. Whoof. They manage to escape, but barely.

Back with Gang-du, who’s just gone through the lobotomy, which...hasn’t worked at all. Holy SHIT. Not sure what the hel is UP with this dude, but that’s a question in and of itself. He escapes by taking a nurse hostage, threatening them with a syringe of his blood, full of a virus that doesn’t exist!

Nam-il wakes up at the same time, not accompanied by a homeless man (Yoon Je-moon), who agrees to take him to the bridge to find Hyun-seo. In the sewer, the two kids have survived, and the creature appears to be asleep. Like a GODDAMN BOSS, she runs up the creatures back, and jumps onto a rope that she had made, and that was hanging far out of her reach. Unfortunately...the creature catches her with its tail. Fuck. It sets her down, and...lets her go? But as soon as she runs, it attacks bother her and Se-joo.

Just then, Gang-du gets to the lair, and uses the rope to climb down. Below him is a pile of bones, and no kids to be seen. The creature goes by, and Hyun-seo’s hand is dangling out of its mouth. And once again by coincidence, that’s when Nam-joo wakes up and reunites with her brother. The creature runs to the waterfront, only to be greeted by...a crowd? They’re gathered there to protest the release of the dangerous chemical into the river.

It all collides at once. The creature swims towards the crowd, Gang-du runs towards the creature, Agent Yellow is released over them both, causing the creature to faint. Gan-du runs up and grabs the bodies of his daughter and See-joo from its mouth, apparently too fucking late. Shit, man. This would’ve been avoided if they just HELPED him. Fuck. He carries her body away as more chemical is released onto the flailing creature, and the chemical causes everyone else in the area to violently hemorrhage as well. Meanwhile, Nam-il and Nam-joo arrive to see their deceased niece, grieving all over again. It’s...fuck, man, it sucks.

And Gang-du is fucking PISSED NOW. He grabs a street sign and attacks the injured creature, fueled by pure rage. Nam-il joins in with Molotov cocktails as it runs away. The homeless man douses it with gasoline, and that makes it easier for Nam-il to set it on fire...until he drops the bottle. And then, Nam-joo uses it to light an arrow on fire, hitting the creature with it, and setting it ablaze. It runs to the water, only for Gang-du to stab it through the head with the street sign, finally killing it in revenge for his father and his daughter. Fucking bad-ASS. And also quite tragic, given the circumstances.

And despite the tragedy, there is one happy circumstance: Se-joo lives! In fact, Hyun-seo died saving his life, like the real goddamn hero of this story that she is. Fuck. That’s terrible, but I’m happy that her sacrifice wasn’t in vain. From here, we fast-forward to the winter, where a clean-shaven and well-kept Gang-du is is now caring for Se-joo. The news is on in the background, but the two ignore it, happily eating together after the ordeal they’ve been through.

Whoof. That’s The Host, or Gwoemul! And yeah, that’s one hell of a movie, I tell you what. For a monster movie, it’s quite dramatic, and they don’t try to humanize the monster AT ALL. And honestly, I really like it! A Pyrrhic victory at the end, but nothing wrong with that! I’ll elaorate a bit in the review! See you there!