#protect her she suffered enough
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i know, i know, jj is so fucking strong and she perseveres despite everything she’s gone through, i know, but fucking hell my heart is breaking over and over for her
the far away look in her eyes
the constant fidgeting to keep herself present
the way she only has the bare minimum amount of skin showing, even to where she’s covering her hands
my heart hurts for her so much and she’s forcing herself to deal with all of this alone
#even the way holly describes sydney��s troubles#and the camera focuses on jj when holly says she cries most nights#and it’s just fucking tearing me apart#that entire scene especially tore me apart#and i wonder how much of sydney’s emotions and reactions mirror jj’s own since finding out about baugate#this storyline is one of the most devastating ones in the show#second only to rosalyn and fucking 11 year old jj being the one to find her#jennifer jareau i want to put you in my pocket and protect you forever#if anyone comes at me for this#leave me be!!!#jj is so fucking strong she’s one of the strongest people on the team#both emotionally and physically#but fucking CHRIST she is SUFFERING so bad right now and it’s gut wrenching to see#i’m sick thinking about next episode#about how she’s forced to work face to face more with a man that violated her in one of the most horrific ways possible#and what happens when she finds out emily green lit that#i’m sick#SICK#jennifer jareau#jennifer jj jareau#emily prentiss#criminal minds#cme spoilers#criminal minds evolution spoilers#criminal minds spoilers#cm spoilers#criminal minds evolution#CME writers enough is enough!!!!#the jemily angst/hurt storyline is too much!!!!
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I think it’s so ironic that the Pony Express escapes a lot if not all blame in discussion. I can’t even say I am excused from it but it’s just how hard people circle back to the characters alone without considering the environment they were made to be in.
Why would they design a ship where only two of the rooms lock? Not the bathroom? Not the sleeping quarters? We assume that all the companies in the universe are this shallow and careless to their workers but we explicitly know the Pony Express in extra vile. They are fed processed slop pack they can’t even really cook and the ration of those pack is meager at best. They hired and made people with a plethora of conflicting demeanors and beliefs work together on a mission where cohesion is important if not an outright necessity and punish them for not being happy about it. There’s no social protocols, not chain of command other than Captain’s word/choice and the only way to enforce that is with a literal firearm. They don’t allow them to celebrate freely and even took away leisure activities that would make them less stir crazy. They are only allowed a few hours of sleep despite their being no other real responsibilities or work on the ship, no matter the position or its importance. With any crew, with any level of synergy, this was a powder keg waiting for a spark.
I’m not saying characters that made mistakes didn’t make huge ones, but I think part of the horror is that at least for some (this is targeting Jimathan) those mistakes are partly made by a force of the hand. There’s a running theme of lack of choice and being forced into something and the very nature of how The Pony Express expected them to function plays a big part.
#like even I forget that all actions taken in the game were people trying to remain in protocol outside of Jimmy#Anya couldn’t have jus stolen the scanner and got the gun cause she’s a sensible person and knows she’d be in legal trouble#or get everyone’s credits docked or just hoping that there’s some chain of command for this sort of thing#Daisuke only really acted in accordance to his direct superiors because he’s an intern he wouldn’t know the first thing about protocol or#what to do in any situation. like this is essentially implied to be his first real job#Curly may be the captain but he still has to follow rules and procedures and we see with the letter the Pony Express likely has very shady#and shitty ones. he gives the best not depressing or totalitarian options he can otherwise everything is just his word which aren’t even his#or like him just asserting his position with the gun which he wouldn’t do#Swansea follows the book begrudgingly because he’s trying to stay right and not fall back into who he once was#I feel like it’s not incorporated nearly enough that the environment they were dropped into heavily affected their actions#say there was a single person higher than Curly or a plan of action when a crew member is considered a danger to himself or others#I think it’s fascinating how people will stick to protocol and break when they get scared or to their limit#cause the game shows how normalcy deteriorates and I think discounting what the characters where put through by the company takes a way a#real and scary aspect of what happened to Anya because as a friend Curly didn’t do enough for her at all his comfort was there and he#appreciated but it was a distracted sort of care but as a Captain he didn’t protect her but he’s was a Captain of the Pony Express like what#if they told him to wait to? he still should’ve done something because Anya was actively suffering and Jimmy should’ve been reprimanded but#he’s a captain with orders like the Tulpar isn’t his ship in the same way like#god I wanna explain this in a way that makes sense but the Tulpar is like designed to breed animosity and work on the bare requirements one#needs to get things done that’s not how people work and if anyone deviates or interrupts that it literally has nothing to handle it#it becomes clear that if any social unrest happens why they just say fuck it and give the Captain the gun because if something happens the#blame can easily be placed on the person they put in charge despite what they put them#in charge of like this is just like work place harassment irl because often the perpetrators are not punished but the supervisors for not#stopping them with meetings or cuts or whatever but the environment the company fostered is rarely fixed or blamed#like why was this allowed to occur? and honestly that is because Jimmy did what he did#ask me about this if this is confusing cause I worded it crazy#mouthwashing#mouthwashing game#the pony express
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The other thing that I think I would want in an Annabeth Wayne AU that I don't think I've seen so far is Bruce being absolutely pissed at Athena.
It was bad enough with Talia and Damian, but Athena is a literal god of wisdom who should know better AND he doesn't even have the "culpability" of having slept with her.
She one hundred percent saw Batman, tactician of the Justice League, was drawn in by her aspect of the Goddess of Strategy, and proceeded to create a child without his consent, a daughter who she didn't even raise before the child became a weapon.
And like whatever else, however fucked up Damian was by his own training to become a child-weapon, at least Talia loved Damian.
Whereas Athena loves Annabeth in the way a Goddess loves, not the way a Person loves, and I don't think Bruce, whose entire identity is so fixated on his relationship with his own parents, would recognize that as love at all.
And, like, Talia put Damian through a lot of shit. I think Bruce would be angry there too. But when push came to shove, she at least at some point brought him to Bruce because she thought it was in her son's best interests.
Athena actively lead Annabeth away from Bruce and into the streets at the age of seven, which Bruce would never see as in her best interest, whatever Athena's godly perspective is, however badly he reacted after Jason's death, even though he couldn't see (and dismissed the idea of) the spiders and the monsters. She was seven. In the streets of Gotham.
Athena let Annabeth fight a major role in two wars back to back without being there to train her or protect her or love her or even advise her. Athena advocated for the cold blooded murder of the other children who had actually tried to keep his daughter safe. Athena sent Annabeth against Arachne when Athena's children have universally died on that quest for a thousand years.
Athena let Bruce think he had gotten Annabeth killed because of his own inability to handle his grief. Let him think his daughter was dead or worse for years. Would have let him keep thinking that if the Fates didn't have other plans.
And just, in true fashion for all of my ideas on a PJO x DC crossover, everyone really comes out more traumatized than before. This includes Bruce.
Because now he wasn't just used unknowingly for a child just once, but twice. And in both cases he's going to have to live forever with the guilt of not having been able to protect his kids from what their other parent wanted to make of them
(On top of all the ways he has directly failed them and made any complexes worse, of course )
#bruce wayne#annabeth chase#annabeth wayne#athena#pjo x dcu#dcu x pjo#again I have to reiterate that I actually do think Athena loves her daughter#I just think that to a human a god's love is inevitably going to look cruel#because they don't and can't love in the same way#giving your child opportunity for Kleos and sending them to a teacher is a love to a goddess#whereas a human parent might never want their child to fight or suffer at all#and even with Bruce's whole Batman and Robin situation#he a) still felt guilt and went back and forth over it multiple times#and b) he was at least trying to guide them and accompanied them into the field and deliberately tried to give them whatever tools they#needed to be both moral and safe#Athena doesn't see a difference between what she did and Bruce's crusade but he absolutely doe#this post is obviously very much more Bruce's POV of course#Athena would have her own but I am biased#'love the way a goddess loves not the way a person loves' - but Rev aren't the gods people#Not fully#I don't think they can be; they're too vast#Behind their personalities they're all personification#so yes and no but not enough#as for bruce reacting badly after Jason's death#I generally don't think he *hurt* her which I've seen some choose to write based on him hitting Dick#but someone in fic wrote a HC that he blamed her at first bc she knew Jason was sneaking out and didn't say and I took that and ran with it#& after his initial outburst he freezes her out bc his anger scares him & he thinks keeping her at a distance will protect her from that#not knowing that she's already internalized that guilt AND already felt prior to this that Bruce was abandoning her in favor of being Batma
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what i wish people would also explore more when it comes to Percy is the other side of his feelings about his mom about family and his childhood but this fandom is too afraid to paint Sally even in the slightest bad light (even if it's not bad just acknowledging her flaws because she's a human being and not perfect) that no one will touch on that subject. like yes Sally is the best mom but she also isn't and that's the thing! She isn't perfect! but she tried her best but her best still got Percy hurt and it isn't her fault at all but that's the tragedy of it. i want Percy's feelings about this explored. how he grew up with a loving mom but an abusive step father. how his step father would humiliate him and call him stupid but then his mom soothed him and told him he's not the things Gabe calls him. how Gabe would hurt him and Sally would be there to make him happy and loved but at the same time she stayed with him. i want Percy's feelings explored about how he knows his mother loves him but her absence still hurt him. she would work so much to have money to raise him she did that for him but at the same time it meant Percy was left alone or with Gabe. Sally gave up so much for him, she sent him away to protect him but at the same time he was sent away from his mom. she's the only parent he has because his father is absent and Gabe is not actually a parental figure at all but she's also often absent in his life too and that must have left him with such mixed feelings because it's not all black and white! Sally's love protected him but also hurt him. Percy loves his mom so so so much but there's also this deep-seated bitterness and hurt and anger he never let himself feel and then the guilt for having those feelings because his mom loves him he knows that and she gave up so much for him and she married a monster that abused her to protect him, he knows that but it doesn't make it hurt any less. the mess his emotions are because he knows his mom suffered for him and did it from her love for him but he still desperately wishes she never married that monster that he wouldn't have to have the childhood he had with him that he wouldn't have to live with the trauma he was left with. this all is exactly what makes their relationship so fascinating and also heartbreaking.
or the idea of Percy having weird mixed feelings after Estelle is born because that's his little sister and he loves her with his whole heart and would do anything for her and wants only the best for her but there's also this little jealous monster deep down that wonders why she gets to have a loving mom and a loving dad and a happy normal life but he never got that. why does she deserve it but not him? why couldn't he have that too? doesn't he deserve that too? he was just a child too so why why why??? and then the guilt of feeling that way too it makes me want to scream. emotions are fucking messy and they can be really ugly and they can make you hate yourself and there's no way Percy's feelings aren't a mess when it comes to this and i want to see it explored so badly!
and with Sally too! her feelings about Percy because she did so much and tried her best but sometimes unfortunately your best isn't good enough and it still got her beloved son hurt and she hates it and feels so guilty but she just has to live with that but she can't help to wish it was different. that their lives would be different. better. normal. she can't help but to wish she didn't have to do the things she's done, didn't have to suffer so much just to protect her child. can't help to wish she didn't have to worry so much, didn't have to be so scared about Percy, didn't have to be terrified that one day he won't come back home to her, that she won't be able to hold her son anymore because he will be gone, she just wishes he didn't have to suffer so much, she just wishes and wishes and wishes
and i just wish people weren't so afraid to explore this because it's so heartwrenching and yes if you want something do it yourself but unfortunately i cannot write nor am i able to handle this topic in a way it deserves so i am left only with rambling about it on here thank you
#i am not trying to victim blame or anything i love Sally and she did her best and didn't deserve any of the crap life gave her#but there's just something so tragic about the fact that she married a vile man and suffered abuse to protect her son#just for her decision to hurt him anyways just in a different way but the only other option would probably be Percy ending up dead#so she can't really truly regret it but she just wishes those weren't their only options#that she didn't have to do this just so that her child could stay alive#thinking about it makes me go feral#they had no choice but to suffer there was no way for their lives to be without this much hurt and trauma and it's terrible#and they didn't deserve it but there was so much love too#but the horrible thing is that that love just wasn't enough to save them from all that pain and i need to be sedated bye#percy jackson#sally jackson#pjo#hoo#percy and sally#percy jackon and the olympians#whatever you do don't think about a six years old lonely Percy sitting in a corner waiting for his mom to come back home from work#and he knows she loves him but he misses her so much when she spends so much time in work and that hurts#don't think about a ten years old Percy being sent away to a boarding school and he knows his mom loves him#but what if she's sending him away because he's just too much? or not enough? and what if she doesn't want him anymore?#and he knows that's not true but what if?#i'm thinking it#okay i think that's enough
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I've been thinking a lot about Loki and Frigga these days, I don't think she's an evil, manipulative monster like some people but I do think she's a very flawed mother, from what we see in the movies she's very quick to justify and sugarcoat Odin's actions, Yes there's a deleted scene where she confronts him about Thor's banishment but it was deleted for a reason, in the movie itself we see her telling Loki that "there's always a purpose to everything your father does", she's always defending him, never her sons and that tells us a lot about the kind of mother she is, idk if it's bc she puts her position as queen above her position as a mother but she always stand by Odin's side no matter what.
Ofc we know she asks Odin not to kill Loki in tdw but that's just the bare minimum she could do, she always does everything thinking about pleasing Odin above all, she goes visiting Loki as a illusion, in secret to not anger her husband, when Loki is going through the trauma of finding out the truth about his adoption she never acknowledges any responsability for what she and Odin did, she justifies his lies agian by saying he lied to protect Loki
She doesn't acknowledge Loki's pain or his right to be angry at them, she tells him he's their son as if that's enough to heal his wounds, she doesn't ask for forgiveness and doesn't offer Loki any comfort bc her husband was taking a nap and she had to stay by his side at all seconds, it doesn't matter that her son had his whole sense of identity stripped away from him, holding Odin's hand was way more important than giving Loki a hug or anything else
I think at some moment Loki realized that she cared more about being Odin's queen than being their mother bc she'd never stand up for her sons and defend them from the abuses Odin put them through, she just kept justifying it bc she wouldn't dare going against her king, it must've hurt for Loki, realizing that he was truly all by himself in Asgard, he couldn't count on his own mother to publicly defend him from the humiliations he undoubtedly suffered, she would just sneak into his chambers and whisper some words of encouragement privately but when in public he was entirely on his own and he knew it
That's why I care more about Loki reuniting with his friends/found family than him going to New Asgard or to Asgard in the past, I have no doubts that he loves his family with his whole heart and he wants to see them again but I love the new family he built for himself in the show, he has Mobius who will defend him with everything he has and will be his emotional support, validating his feelings and genuinely listening to him, he NEVER felt like he belonged in Asgard but in the show he finally found his place, he found the people he belonged to (as stated by the crew) and he fought to save them for hundreds of years so there's no way I'd want him to leave his new home for him to go back to the place where he was mistreated, belittled and mocked just for being who he was, I want him to stay in the place where feels free to be his true self thank you very much
(Ofc that doesn't mean I don't want him and Thor to reunite again, I just think it's best for him to stay with the people he chose to be his family)
#loki#loki series#loki meta#Mobius#Frigga#Frigga tries her best as long as she doesn't anger her husband and I think Loki deserves better than this#I don't think this makes her a monster but it does make her VERY flawed#like she's not the perfect mother the fandom paints her to be but she's also not the Most Evil Monster Ever#she's complex and I think she places her place as Odin's queen above all else#a truly good mother would have protected her sons from Odin's abuse instead of enabling it#all this to say that Loki deserves better#tva family#loki build his little found family and i'm so proud of him for it#let him be with the people he chose and who he feels comfortable with#even if he went back to asgard eith his new mentality that wouldn't change the way his people view him#it also wouldn't change how Odin views and treats him and ofc the asgardians would treat Loki in the same way their king does#it has always been like this imo#Odin treats Loki like trash so ofc the asgardians feel free to treat him the same#he needs to be protected from that toxic enviroment#he suffered enough#let him be happy for god's sake#Odin is a trash bag#Odin#anyway just let Loki be with his found family bc he loves them so much#he deserves it
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I love how you completely changed everyone’s wardrobe for the Beach Episode, save for gorgug’s hoodie (do they take it in the water?) do you wanna talk about the outfit choices at all?
I mean there's not a lot to talk about there I think? I'm a big fashion-focused character design artist, I'll say that, but a lot of that I can't really translate into words sadly... there are just certain character-specific silhouettes that once u've picked out u can hang onto to give them new clothes and it'll usually be good that's kinda how I do it. I fully see gorgug going Anywhere in that hoodie tho I think by this point babygirl's like I have a theory it's indestructible and I intend to test it
#not art#that material holds onto sand like crazy but at least it's thick enough that the sand shouldnt be going thru#tbh I think the toughest thing I needed to figure out for the beach piece was how many accessories to include for the kids lol#cause riz was inventory stacking and fabian and fig have a bunch of piercings n such#and like it'd def be fun to draw all that on them but 1/wearing metal on top of hot sand is torture actually 2/What If You Lose The Things#<- suffers from the brain condition that randomly shreds ur short term memory#same reason I almost gave adaine her jacket in the piece but eventually I figured it'd muddle the silhouette too much#someone in the tags pointed out that fig who is fully immune to fire damage is holding the sunscreen bottle and all I can say is:#>:]#thats not for her to use on herself. she has Intentions#I. mm idk turns out if u ask me specific things abt any of the designs I'll have things to say abt it but its all like#really small granular logistics stuff lol. I havent been to the beach in literal years#actually now Im imagining like gorgug getting shot by a whole crossbow that went thru like his shoulders or something#and theres a hole in his shoulder but not on the hoodie. somehow#indestructible garment that doesnt actually protect you is very funny I think#the cybertruck of hoodies.....
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her and her children are my roman empire bc they’re just so. endlessly tragic
#like even her visibly legitimate children aren’t happy#none of them are happy outside of dragonstone outside of their little family unit there#aegon never gets over her death and mourns the loss of her and his father and his brothers his whole life#Viserys is taken and held hostage and sold into marriage at 11#her velaryon sons just 😭 god I am never not thinking about ‘ did you think I would have dark hair ? ‘ bc yes. yes she did#she knew it was likely due to her own mother having dark hair and harwin having it and like#she knew. She did but she had to go through with it anyway 😭#she knew what would likely come of him favouring his father#like there’s enough of a grey area there people might be inclined to drop it if she weren’t their mother#but she is#and she’s so endlessly guilty over the pain she knew she was going to put them through purely by them ? existing#she copes through ? increasing ? ruthless to protect them#she cant change what her being their mother has led them to suffer but she can ? always put them and their brothers first#she can always stand infront of them she can always shield them and make sure they’re safe and secure#and like she has that frame of mind and then they die#and then they keep dying and she’s not sending them anywhere#she’s not risking them they’re just dying no matter what she does
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Porfiry telling Raskolnikov that at least he was honest and in one bound took the furthest leap to put his theory to the test of actual action——
#Taylor believing a man who is obviously lying to her#like. it’s fascinating to me how they’ll say anything to her and she’ll be like ‘okay let’s go’#she’s never read Jane Austen and it shows. but that’s okay because she’s the character in an Austen novel#she has no sense of self-preservation she has no common sense when it comes to love#and the reason I have endless patience for that is because she IS different. she is extraordinary. she is WEIRD. she’s so needy#so angry so fragile so stupid so brilliant so completely helpless#like the bolter———I can’t even LOOK at it right now#because you know she was like this since she was 5 and SHE knows it#just so. Different. so strange. I mean she ruled her family with an iron fist from the age of 11#and her packaging is so basic and she she had so much access to everything anyone could want#so there are none of the usual marks of someone being so Different#but like. people HATED her from day one. you know her own strength of personality was drawing out many people’s hatred or envy#and she’s so helpless in her own personality because she can never change#like thank you aimee? or whatever? heck yeah there was some girl who bullied her and brutalized her on the playground#and you know it devastated Taylor from day one and still does#and it’s just. I don’t know how people can’t see that someone with that extraordinary set of gifts#wouldn’t also suffer in such an extraordinary way#and ways that elicit so much scorn and non-sympathy because people are unsettled and jealous and annoyed by her#because she WILL find a way to win#but isn’t that proof enough that she is the very OPPOSITE OF NORMAL#it’s why people have to be like ‘oh she sold her soul to the devil for this success.’ or whatever the psy-op spy thing is#because there’s no human way to explain her success if she really were as basic/talentless as people say#ugh this is all so incoherent and irritating and I’m so sorry but I just. I cannot explain how protective my heart is of her#and all the many many mistakes she’s made and the prisons she’s made for herself because she’s LIVING the tragedy#of never having denied herself one time/getting everything she wants#and discovering the poison at the bottom of everything she reached for with desperate hands#like. I love her so much and I am so protective of her because she is so helpless and she is getting shot in the face every time#and she feels every blow!#whew I need to turn off reblogs and will probably delete but I just#this album is all of her spilled out and people DO hate to see it because a lot of people hate her!!!!
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who up praying for downfalls 🤨
#mine#yandere#yancore#yandere vent#oh my god have i got some things to say. ooohhuuoouugh buddy#its not even my own situation this isnt even related to me. but im being a nice upstanding young man and venting abt it instead of invoking#the curse of ra. wishing someone dies is such a good coping mechanism fr because instead of thinking about it forever i can move on with#my life. and its great! but oouuuh theres something wrong with that huh. and oh my god. this issue is so fucked but i cant explain it in#a heartfelt and meaningful way. so imagine someone is religiously devoted to a guy and their mental anguish stems from jealousy or fear#of abandonment. and they are internally tormented about that forever. and just because they dont fit your definition of whats right#youre all like Hey you know that guy that means everything to them. how about we take him for ourselves solely bc this person#this suffering person whose life depends on him- who acts like that BECAUSE they are suffering- you think they deserved to be punished for#their traumas? their guilt and pain and anguish? you are no better than whatever you think they are.#i dont think this even makes sense cause im vague on purpose. this sounds like a situation from the bible i think#idk i didnt read it. anyways im skipping and frolicking in my cradle of hatred that fills me with warmth and delight#its not required that people are nice or respectful when their lives have been wretched thanks to people like YOU#but i hope their devotion never wavers due to people who hate their happiness. its not like those people matter anyway#if youre meant to be with your Guy and you love him enough then nothing else matters at that point. its all a test#die a martyr for your own romantic ideologies or whatever satou matsuzaka said#this is literally the equivalent of like. a mother cat adopts a kitten that isnt hers bc her own kin are all dead. she protects this kitten#with her entire life. and her whole being. and hisses growls bites at anyone that comes close to it. and some human teens are like#we should take that kitten solely because the mother cat loves it so much that shes willing to get violent for it.#because its not very niceys of her to harass those who want to take away the only thing she has left! oh noes!!#like shut the fuck up dawg. if that cat mauls someone for getting too close to her baby then mind your own goddamn business#clearly they did not grow up italian 💀#clearly they did not grow up with nothing being their own. nothing being sacred. no desire to protect anything#anyways yanderes i love you. you are fr so easy to be around and you should never change for anyone. i mean maybe take some therapist#advice here and there in case your devotion makes you suffer but OTHERWISE!!! dont feel bad about being a hater!!! protect what is yours#and i will respect it so hard i swear to god. its not that difficult to treat your devotion with the kindness it deserves.#if a disrespectful teen tries to steal your kitten then ill help you beat them to death with a shovel idc
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fuck it posting moiraine playlist on main
#please enjoy my incredibly vibey and abstract playlist i finalized while very very high lol#i made it that way bc she is vibey and abstract. 2 me ❤️#could have posted this days ago if i hadnt agonized over the inclusion of master hunter#feels like its a little aggressive and doesnt totally work#but i am a master hunter ive cured my skin nothing gets in nothing not as hard as it tries#vs the breakdown of like fuck off u think i enjoy suffering!!!#later in the song rly works for book moiraine at certain points. where u become so emotionally isolated to try and protect urself but#but rly u still care sososo much#i think her struggle for connection in the midst of all her planning is a big part of what makes moiraine such a strong character for me#like. any ability she has to repress her own emotions is p surely undercut by her own capacity for love#she cant help it! even if she struggles to connect with others and frequently faces rejection in the white tower#she still cares deeply for others#v boss of her u might say#anyways ramble basically over this playlist is also heavily impacted by new spring go read new spring sound of the summer#reserving the right to go back and edit this if the a side in the title isnt clear enough lol#moiraine damodred#wheel of time#music#Spotify
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kind of always disliked that the mouthpiece audience stand-in used to indicate the pure breadth of the world-shattering betrayal the halonic faith has inflicted on ishgard, the pain and grief of having your entire paradigm of how you see with and interact with the world and how you view the war that you've been forced to fight in, lost friends and family to and suffered abuses at the hands of the church that were 'justified' in the name of halone and the grind of the DSW, that everything you fought for and suffered through was not only a lie but a war crime bc in actuality you were fighting and killing children and the extreme sense of world-rending disgust with yourself and pure raw rage at the vault which has willingly, without your consent or knowledge, made you into a murderer of the worst kind, all riding on the back of a literally world-altering disaster that forced you out of your home and made you run for your very life and the pure cultural grief considering that the holy see lost literally all of fucking coerthas in the calamity only five years ago is not the guy in this conversation who is actually ishgardian and has lived through all of the above but rather a sharlayan national with no connection to this conflict who's been living in ishgard for like two weeks
#saint.txt#ishgardposting#spoilers#major spoilers#ysayleposting#estinienposting#yeah I'm talking abt his HW writing again what abt it.#anyways I really do like alphi.naud I swear but like. he is not ishgardian. the complicated facets of culture cannot be condensed#into a book and just learned. he could not possibly begin to personally understand the level of harm the halonic faith has inflicted#on ish.gard and her people. he has not suffered the indignities and raw tragedies of the DSW. He has not been forced to fight in it.#he was not forced into slums to starve and freeze to death after running for his life to the only place remotely protected from the Horde#he was not raised with the idea and cultural values that throwing your life away in the war is something to be aspired to#being arrested under false pretenses and nearly executed for a crime you did not commit IS terrible and IS a crime ish.gard committed#but I'm sorry it doesn't compare to actually growing up and suffering under the ishgardian regime and the horrors of its society#he is ultimately an outsider to a conflict he is not involved in and has no relation to which sucks bc Esti.nien Is Literally Right There#So Is Ysa.yle If We Were Brave Enough To Engage With The Fact That There Are Real And Actual Abusive#Social Standards and Accepted Facets of Ishgardian Culture That Drove Her To Do What She Did#Instead Of Punishing Her For. Checks Notes. Being A Woman Who Is Slightly Wrong:tm:
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blood magic in ashley's saw verse would be used constantly oh my fucking god !
#ashley nicole ( study. )#!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#always protecting#her energy#despite her chaos xD#but she still protects herself#and still sends the spirits#off to heal#rather than suffer#since they did that enough#in their traps
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Imagine if this site just had proper tools to deal with harassment? This whole situation could have been avoided. Avery was pushed into desperation, we all watched her get no help from Tumblr after everything she had to endure. There has to be some leniency under which someone is allowed to express frustration with the people in charge for doing a poor job with protecting their userbase.
If Tumblr really wanted to make me take the point of "death threats are never okay" seriously, then there should have been effective and immediate tools for EVERYONE on the site to deal with death threats. Many of my friends on this site have had to suffer way worse things than being told "I hope you die". Tumblr just doesn't care enough to protect us. We aren't a protected class like staff is.
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Currently writing a chapter that explores themes of unintentionally physically hurting a loved one and I'm having so much fun~~
#Lissele is so good for these#She has developed a magic addiction - like addiction to literal concentrated magic - she's a magical being it gets her high#even though it would kill a regular human#and whenever she's high on magic she basically doesn't know anything that's going on#only wants her precious magic lol#and then sometimes when people get too close she gets aggresive#thinking they're there to steal her magic#and she hurts them like hits them and kicks and all#then when she's clear headed enough she feels so fucking bad#and i feel so bad for her she's literally suffering#she's supposed to be PROTECTING humans not harming them senslesly! it's fucking with her brain so goddamn much#and it's fun because this immortal being suddenly doesn't know what to do with themselves#because she's never even had a magic addiction in her thousands of years of life#this is completely new#she doesn't know how to handle ANY of it#and it's so tasty#my writing#lissele#my ocs
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Been going back and rereading some fics, ones that I previously ignored/skimmed and it’s got me thinking about my ship versus both the canon ship and the notp. Thinking thoughts I don’t have the time for, though I guess thinking about the notp could help me finally write the actual fic that False Memories is meant to be a prequel of sorts to. I’m just so bad with angst
#cynful babbles#I get the one sided appeal of the notp but I hate it. my queen deserves better. it’s just so traumatic#the canon ship I just don’t get at all. like it’s not that serious to me though canon tries to make it serious#I did just reread a fluffy domestic one shot and yeah the softness is definitely why I ship my ship#I just want her to be properly loved and cherished and treasured with no pain/angst#that last part is what makes me stray from my ship sometimes cause I hate the utter despair she feels from him#I don’t mind him suffering cause he’s been a shithead to her sometimes but I’m so over my queen getting hurt#you’re supposed to protect her. not make her feel bad. she’s had enough of that all her life!#and here is why the steal my heart ship is superior (I say as I continue to write CoAi fics *sigh)
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this panel from the world guide of falin being surrounded by other girls while laios is all alone kills me because. that's it. that's the key difference in their journeys.
as laios states himself, he left the village in order to create a home for him and falin elsewhere. a home that won't collapse due to others' hatred and fears like their old home did, a home where they are loved and accepted unconditionally. but as he soon found out, even before earning money, or having walls surrounding him and a roof above his head- what he so earnestly desired was to meet other people who will accept him for who he is as well. instead, he kept being tormented by those around him, shunned and sneered at. his loneliness quickly became all-consuming until he truly had nothing left except for the monsters in the pages of his book, but even that became a target of mockery and destroyed. that's why ever since the day he left the village, he never felt that he truly made the right choice. so he kept running away: unable to resist and unable to accpet.
and an ocean away from him there was his sister, who never managed to fully fit in herself. but unlike him, she met a person who became a home to her and learned what a true friendship was for the first time in her life. and laios clearly realizes that too when he finally sees falin and marcille together, he can tell his sister obtained the greatest treasure there is on her own- the exact thing he never managed to find anywhere himself, thus coming back empty-handed to the sister he left the village for.
but when you read this part of the manga, laios's focus is on falin's loneliness, not his own. he talks about how it hurts thinking about all those moments she had to spend alone because he wasn't there for her, so it almost sounds like he's the one who couldn't bear her suffering and therefore decided to not let her go again. but we do get a glimpse of their first meeting after that almost-decade long separation in the manga, and then we see more of that in the world guide and daydream hour- and it becomes abundantly clear that it was falin who was trying to protect and save him from this pit of loneliness and depression he was in.
so instead of just doing his best to atone for leaving her behind in the village and making sure she is never lonely again, it might also be that laios was desperately clinging to the one person in the world he felt that accepted and loved him unconditionally. those words he used to describe his motivation to stay by falin's side are the exact words she would've used as well; she couldn't bear leaving him behind in this state. in a sense, they were each other's shackles.
but then she did. she died for him and their friends, and ironically enough, it was by leaving him alone like this that he was finally able to stand on his own and put his full trust in others. to have the courage to reveal who he is and give others the opportunity to accept him after such a long time of hiding. it was a long journey, but his hiding finally came to an end when he faced the others after shedding his monster form. and i love that the person who was falin's "home" all those years away from laios, marcille, became just as meaningful to him during their time separated from falin- the first one to find him and show him that he isn't alone anymore. just as he did for her.
so at the end of the story when falin talks about all the places she would like to go, it's not just that she wants to pursue her own dreams- but that she actually feels free to do so and go anywhere she desires. and one of the main reasons for that is that her brother finally found new people he wants to be with; his own home.
#im listening to fmab sad soundtrack while writing this im gonna die actually#dungeon meshi#laios touden#falin touden
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