#professional spellcasting

[the-neurographic-wizard]

Dragon's Hoard of Wealth

This is best paired with my Success spell. This spell is designed to rapidly increase the flow of money in your life. It will open the roads and doors to financial and job success. It will help you get and keep a job. It will help you gain clarity on your career path! Money and Wealth are not the only things this spell can do. I can give you prosperity in any and every aspect of life. The floodgates of prosperity will be open to you as you take charge of your life with this spell!

I am a Hereditary Witch with 20+ years of experience. I have had great success with spellcasting. Here I am offering you a chance to have all blockages to greater prosperity removed so you may literally live long and prosper!

For entertainment purposes only!

[elhoimleafar]

OPEN-ROADS & ABUNDANCE CANDLE SERVICE X 2024.

Background and what you should know.

I am Elhoim Leafar, and for the past six years, I have offered all kinds of magical and divination services with the use of candles, from the preparation and shipping of candles to clients in all parts of the country to the customization of complete assistance to clients using 7-day candles in my altar properly carved, scented, anointed, and consecrated according to the needs of each client.

Over the years, I have learned, improved, and perfected my work to ensure the best results for each of them. My job is not to pray a candle and anoint it with any commercial oil but to make sure I choose the correct candle and the exact quantities of powders, oils, perfumes, and herbs, even the correct lunar phase and hour of the day for the magical work, as well as the creation of personalized sigils for each magical work separately, since each client has different needs and goals, different paths, and must be worked differently.

Personalized Open-Roads & Abundance Light Candle Service x 2024.

I finally have the space to expand and do many more jobs than before for each of my clients, so to start this upcoming Year, 2024, on the right foot, I am offering for the first time my annual personalized road opener service for all clients. interested.

The service consists of and includes the personalization of a 7-day large altar candle (red, green, or yellow; according to the needs of each client) previously carved with the names and sun sign of each client, personalized sigils for financial abundance and prosperity are added and the candle is subsequently anointed with a thick combination of my herbal powders of spices and plants for money and open-roads, oils of abundance and perfumes to attract prosperity.

Consecration

The candles are consecrated one by one on our collective lunar altar, which is recharged with each full moon and re-arranged each new moon with our special and unique Good Fortune incense. There will be particular consecrations during the new moon nights of November 13 and December 12 (new beginnings, reset, blessing of new projects, and new year).

Afterward, all the candles, Regardless of the date the service was purchased, are lit during the full moon of December 26 (illumination, abundance, visibility, growth, nutrition, success) to ensure that the candles arrive lit on the first days of the new year.

Photography

Each client receives by mail a photograph of their candles properly loaded, carved, and anointed before and after being lit.

Limited spaces

Our services are limited to 40 individuals, and we only charge one candle per individual. If you wish to include a business/lover/partner in the service, this must be purchased separately.

Cost and Payment

The cost of the service is $45 for those interested in the service. They can pay through Venmo/Cash App directly to @elhoimleafar and add their personal information in the payment description. For other payment methods or in case of questions, you can contact directly capricornioelhoim@gmail.com.

If you also want to learn more about Money Magic & Prosperity Rituals, you can grab a copy of my book Manifestation Magic: 21 Rituals, Spells, and Amulets for Abundance, Prosperity, and Wealth.

[cavegirlpoems]

A story from back when I played D&D. It might have been 3.5 or pathfinder or fantasycraft or one of that ilk. Might even have been 4e. It was like a decade ago.

So. Standard D&D. A party of bold adventurers of diverse origins and skillsets gets together to explore a perilous dungeon and stop a cartoonish baddy. The usual.

I end up building a fairly typical character for me. A goblin Rogue/Assassin. A stealth/melee build designed to get the drop on an enemy, do a bunch of rapid damage, and then fuck off.

She was lawful evil, and firmly in the team-fortress-two-sniper school of "You know who has a lot of feelings? Men what bludgeon their wives to death with a golf trophy. Professionals have standards." school of being a mercenary. I think I even did an aussie accent.

Anyway her schtick was that she'd noticed 'Adventurers' got to do as much violence as they wanted without social consequences, and she loved violence! So she was gonna do a stint as an adventurer, so once she was done she could go home with a big sack of gold to spend on booze and cake and hot girls. But right now she was on the job, so she was an extremely professional team player with a strict code of conduct. Always be honest with the team, follow the plan, don't mess things up for the team, split the loot evenly. Standards.

Verna was a horrible efficient little murder gremlin who was also proudly guild-certified. * * *

Now, another PC was a chaotic neutral gnome bard who was leaning hard on the 'gnomes are amusingly racist to goblins and kobolds and think this is funny and endearing' thing. He teased Verna a bunch about being green and ugly, which she studiously ignored because - remember - she had Professional Standards.

Anyway, there was a human NPC we met that she didn't like, saying he was a bit stupid and very annoying. Our gnome bard decided it would be very funny to use one of his enchantment spells to make Verna suddenly horny for him and watch what happened.

Verna sees the gnome who keeps fucking with her walk up, wave his hands and babble some arcane nonsense, and now she has weird funny feelings she can't explain. She does some thinking and concludes that she'll pay the human for a snog later, because right now this guy's just obviously cast a spell to mess with her mind, which was Not Okay. Of course, she had Professional Standards, so...

She walks up to our gnome friend and basically informs him: "Hi! I know you just did some magical brainwashing on me, and I am not going to tolerate this! However, because we're in a team together, and I don't want this to become a problem, I am going to very generously allow you to settle the matter with me. We will have a bout of single combat to first blood, and then whoever wins I will consider the matter settled and my honour satisfied, and you won't do that again, and we won't mention it. This is a very kind offer of mine, because I have Standards; where I come from the normal response would be to say nothing and strangle you in your sleep tonight."

And our gnome, who is a spellcaster not a combatant, looks at this and decides he doesn't want to get shown up by her, and basically tells her that if she doesn't like getting messed with she can go back to the goblin village, and laughs at her.

So. Shrug. Quickdraw as a free action. I get a surprise round. You're flat footed, so it's easy to hit and I get sneak attack damage. 3/4 of his health is gone. Initiative. He says he wants to say sorry. I respond that he can say that when it gets to his initiative count, but right now it's my action and he's still flat-footed and here's my big pile of d6s for sneak attack and oh dear I think that's him on -10 hp, so he's not going to get the chance.

* * *

Anyway this kicked off a massive shitstorm ooc about how I just kicked off PvP and murdered a PC for no reason and the game fell apart because the gnome's player genuinely didn't seem to understand that 'mind control' is a hostile action. This was in the bad old days before safety tools and I was playing in a fairly neckbeardy group, so 'a man makes a woman horny against her will to humiliate her and laughs about it' was apparently not a deal-breaker while 'the woman stabs him for it' was.

I still think I wasn't the bad guy in this scenario.

There is no point to this story I just wanted to share it.

[sunderwight]

Random thought but:

Those wide-brimmed pointy hats that witches and wizards are often depicted wearing are for traveling, right? That's what the brim is for, to protect from the sun and other elements. But the pointy part is probably ceremonial -- historically speaking most conical hats are often worn by priests or nobility to signify rank or role.

But sometimes in fantasy settings, wizard hats don't have the brim. But witches almost never lose the brim.

This indicates to me a shared origin between wizards and witches as traveling practitioners of magic. Which makes sense! If you only get a few magical people in a community, either because magical talent is rare or because it takes a lot of study to pick it up or both, then most magically inclined people would probably be in high demand. Which would mean that there was a lot of call for them to travel around and provide their services to place too poor or remote or unlucky to have their own resident magical practitioner.

But gradually, a divide begins to occur. Formally educated magical users are of course most commonly found in cosmopolitan regions (big cities) and can afford to stay in one place for a lot longer. Perhaps even exclusively, if the community is large enough to support them! So as more great cities establish themselves and also establish things like larger and better-funded academic institutions, a class of non-wandering magic user begins to grow. This group, i.e. wizards, signal their greater access to formal education and to wealthy patrons by dropping the brim from their hats. They keep the conical shape and height, to denote status and rank, but they get all bougie about the brim. Other attempts to flaunt success among wizards emphasize the lack of need to travel for work, such as building magnificent magical towers, positioning themselves in the courts of nobility, or building entire academic institutions dedicated to the study of the arcane arts.

Meanwhile rural communities still require the services of magically inclined people, but can no longer afford to entice wizards away from their status-defining sedentary lifestyle. Thus another class of magic user (witches) begins to define itself by their continued existence and work outside of major population centers. Since witches still travel and live in the countryside, their hats keep the brim, because they still need it to protect them from the elements.

This also explains the gender differential. While magical talent probably doesn't operate on the basis of gender, classism sure does. Girls born into wealthier families are often slated for marriage alliances and encouraged to treat formal education as an opportunity for husband-hunting, rather than actually becoming adept in or engaging with the professional use of magic itself. Which doesn't mean that none of them do it anyway, but there's probably a more marked difference between women who become wizards and men who do. Especially as wizards become more preoccupied with social status, and thus more likely to gate off access to certain levels of education, so that only either the extremely wealthy or the extremely talented can get at them. If a girl's family doesn't want to go to all the trouble of paying for a full education or compelling a skilled teacher to take her on, her options for pursuing it on her own are probably quite limited.

Meanwhile out in the sticks, magic users are such rarities that gatekeeping on the basis of gender is frankly too impractical, especially considering the degree of utility magic has for saving lives and livelihoods. It's just not that feasible to give a shit about the gender of the spellcaster who is saving your entire sheep flock from a bad case of bluetongue, or holding up a barrier that's keeping a recent landslide from burying your house, or getting the ghosts out of a local well that you'd really love to be able to actually use.

So over time witches become associated with women, even though it's more that they've got a 50/50 split whereas wizards heavily favor men. In the way of things, this actually become a self-fulfilling prophecy over time, because men who develop magical aptitude see witchery as "women's work" and are more likely to try and save up and move to the city to learn "real" magic, or else try and differentiate themselves from female witches by creating their own distinctions between what they do and what women spellcasters do, carving out particular areas of focus to be the masculine fields of magic.

This would probably create even more distinct classes of magical users -- the male witches who still do the usual magic work in rural regions but don't like to be called witches, and so do something else to distinguish themselves in an equivalent of stamping a No Girls Allowed sign on their door (warlocks?), who probably still keep the wide brim on their hats but perhaps ditch the pointy part in a middle finger to the elitism of wizards (and also to ensure they're less likely to be mistaken for witches), and the magically talented people who make their way from the country to the nearest cities to try and join the wizard class. Though this group is more likely to struggle due to a lack of social or financial clout, and probably has to depend way more on having enough sheer natural talent to draw the eye of a benefactor (sorcerers?). Most of them would be men too, because of increasing social attitudes that men were just better at this "type" of magic would mean that women would have a harder time getting backing, but there would probably be some who were ambitious enough to nevertheless go for it and then end up in a related-but-still-gendered category of their own (sorceresses?).

Because classism, it seems likely that these underdog country-to-city spellcasters (probably also joining in with impoverished but talented locals to the metropolitan areas too) don't get the pointy hats unless they manage to actually succeed in being absorbed by wizard establishments, but also don't keep the brimmed hats because those are associated with being a bumpkin. They're hat-less, or else wear a completely different style. They probably also get a bit of a shady reputation because there are a lot of predatory institutions that scoop up magically talented individuals who don't know how to navigate the relevant social institutions, and then basically embroil them in debt or whatnot in order to exploit whatever magical talent they have for whatever profits are to be gained.

Of course you probably also have the opposite class of people, i.e. formally trained magic users who decide that trying to rub elbows with kings and rich people is stupid, and take their training to go off and save villages from mudslides and such instead. They're basically witches again but with a fancier pedigree, but of course coming from the outside of it they lack the community knowledge to navigate regions as well and also now there's this split from the Boy Witches Who Won't Be Called Witches, and probably what counts as Girl Magic gets very regional, so what jobs you do or how you go about casting spells has an irregular impact on what the locals will call you if you aren't a woman. If you're a woman you can probably take the witch label without as much issue. But since the fellas started as wizards, then, they more likely still call themselves wizards in the face of all this, but the big city wizards do NOT want to be associated with them (unless they do something really impressive that they can share credit for), so there has to be a new category for them (hedge wizards?) to differentiate from proper wizards. Anyway they wear the big brimmed hats again, because that's just practical. Whether they wear tall ones or not probably varies between individual and regional implications about it.

So. Yeah. Magic user hat politics, with bonus gender nonsense.

[cerinslair]

Oath of the Courier

A paladin subclass for 5e

Liberty. Reason. Justice. Civility. Edification. Perfection.

MAIL.

Tenets of the Courier

The Tenets of the Courier embody a paladin's commitment to delivering the mail with utmost integrity and professionalism.

Handle with Care: Treat anything entrusted to you as preciously as you would your own possessions.

Discrete Delivery: When others confide in you, do not betray their trust. Let none but the intended recipient pry upon what you carry.

Swift Postage: Do your best to fulfill your promises as promptly as possible. Punctuality is a virtue.

To the Letter: Strive to fulfill your oaths exactly as you pledged them. Your word is your promise.

Oath Spells

You gain oath spells at the paladin levels listed.

3rd Level: Expeditious Retreat, Illusory Script 5th Level: Animal Messenger, Arcane Lock 9th Level: Sending, Tongues 13th Level: Legally Distinct Secret Chest, Freedom of Movement 17th Level: Dream, Teleportation Circle

Channel Divinity

When you choose this Oath at 3rd-level, you gain the following two Channel Divinity options:

Postage Stamp: As an action, you mark an object with a magical postage stamp. When creating this stamp, you choose a creature you or an adjacent ally are familiar with to be the object's recipient. This stamp persists for a number of hours equal to twice your paladin level, until the stamped object is delivered to its chosen recipient, or it is dismissed as a bonus action. While holding the stamped object, you can spend an action to magically detect what direction its recipient is in, and approximately how far away they are from you. If the recipient does not want to be located by you, it can make a Wisdom Saving Throw to elude this detection. If you are relying on an ally's familiarity, they get Advantage on this save. If they succeed, they are immune to this effect for 24 hours. You may only have one magical stamp at a time. If you place another, the previous one is immediately dismissed.

This Side Up: As an action, you can use your Channel Divinity to ward a creature or object against toppling. One creature or object within 10 feet becomes immune to the Prone condition. If the target is an object, it must be light enough for you to carry. If the target is an object, it gains Resistance to bludgeoning, force, and thunder damage. If the warded creature or object falls, it may ignore the first 10' of the fall when determining fall damage. These effects last for a number of minutes equal to your Charisma score, minimum 3.

Aura of Determination

Neither rain nor sleet nor hail will stop your delivery of the mail. Starting at 7th level, you emit an Aura of Determination. You and allies within 10' cannot have their speed reduced to less than their base speed when walking, crawling, jumping, or flying. This includes anything that would halve movement, such as Difficult Terrain or Exhaustion; or impose any other fraction-based penalty to speed. You cannot grant any of these effects while you are unconscious.

At 18th level, the range of this aura increases to 30 feet.

Return to Sender

Starting at 15th level, if you are targeted by a spell that targets only you, you may use your Reaction to instead have the spell target its caster. Use the original caster's Spell Save DC, Spell Attack Bonus, and Spellcasting Ability where applicable. If the spell required a Spell Attack Roll, re-roll the attack versus the caster. Once you use this ability, you must finish a short or long rest before you can use it again.

Pen Pal

At 20th level, you can assume the form of a celestial courier. Using your action, you undergo a transformation that grants you the following benefits for 1 hour:

Wings sprout from your back and grant you a flying speed of 60 feet.

Allies who begin their turn within 30' of you gain a 10' bonus to their speed that turn.

Add your Charisma bonus to your Initiative Rolls.

Once you use this feature, you can't use it again until you finish a long rest.

Go forth, swift and trustworthy courier! You are the glue that holds society together!

[thecaptainofcosmichorrors]

Hello! Do you do character x reader headcanons? If no, feel free to ignore!

If yes, can I request Dark Cacao x Gn reader who is a witch admirer and is a little weird? (like, they like spellcasting and wear similar clothes to them)

[I absolutely adore hcs and writing little freaks :), I shall call you Witch anon; delightful prompt you gave me!]

Dark Cacao x Witch Admirer! Reader Headcanons

You’re a… weird little cookie. A borderline obsession with the witches that would give any devote witch follower a run for their money, plus an outfit that screams witch? It’s no surprise that there’s a rumor circulating about you secretly being a witch, sent down to keep the cookies of Earthbread in check. You make no effort to disprove any of these rumors, if anything, you’re quite flattered! To be compared to such brilliance? The truest form of flattery.

Besides, it gives you more time to further your casting abilities! With everything surrounding you, surely no cookie would dare nag you…

All but one.

How your paths crossed seems to allude you, you’re a wandering soul that can’t seem to find a place to settle down—the pursuit of knowledge pulling you all sorts of places, but this day, you had found yourself on the outskirts of the Dark Cacao Kingdom.

You had no plans on staying long—you never did—but news of your arrival made its way around, as it always did… Except, word traveled much farther than you could’ve imagined. The kingdom didn’t take too kindly to your arrival, but you had no time to deal with their silly ways; you had big plans after all. Though… perhaps you had underestimated just how dedicated they were to the pursuit of making sure order would continue regardless of your arrival—and before you knew it—trouble came knocking on your door, as it always did. It started off with a few cookies, here and there, typically that’s where it ended—a few warning shots would be enough to scare many, but these cookies were different. Further more, your reputation did not dissuade them, In fact! It only encouraged them to carry on; your obsession being seen as unnatural and a possible danger to the cookie’s very well-being, a cookie so dedicated that they wouldn’t hesitate to tear down any to pursue.

You’d call them hypocritical if they gave you enough time, but alas, battle left very little room for conversation. Soon enough, everything came to ahead when word finally got to Dark Cacao Cookie. He had heard of you from the other Ancients, causing a bit of havoc here in there, and spooking cookies with abilities that led itself to the witches—a fact that seem to particularly irk White Lily Cookie. His cookies coming to him repeatedly on the matter was enough for him to put his foot, setting his sights on finding a solution.

You knew well of the Ancients, but cared little to engage with their antics—they were distractions after all. One day, while returning to your temporary abode, you found yourself being face-to-face with the king himself and a few of his guards. You didn’t seem to falter though, instead sighing at the inconvenience; you didn’t want to fight, but Dark Cacao would be in for rude awakening if he thought this would be enough deter you. Though instead of his sword, you were met with a proposition—Temporary assistance in favor of new spells, and the peace needed to continue your pursuit for as long as you resided in his kingdom. You narrowed your eyes at his… oddly generous offer? Though you did crave for some peace and quiet, besides, it would only temporary.

…

The beginning of you guys relationship was rocky, strictly professional with a very little interest in the other’s everyday. You were only a temporary resident, destined to falter under the weight of the responsibilities he put on you and ironed out straight. For you on the other hand, you saw the king as a cold and unforgettable boss; pushing you to your limits for some days while boring you out your mind on others, your awards were nice though—you could only pray to the witches above he would ease up before the kingdom was one king short.

With the two of you didn’t expect, was a slow, mutual respect to form. Initially, you had tolerated each other in favor of getting the work done; but soon the two of you took a quiet interest in each other’s habits and learned to navigate around each other, as to not step on the toes of the other. Your interest in the witches was not something that he often poked at and instead, allowed you to continue without trouble; meanwhile, you tried your best to understand the kingdom and respect its cultures for the sake of being knowledgeable with how to engage with daily matters.

Soon the two of you learned what the other engaged outside of business, working so closely together gave the two of you an insightful look into each other’s lives that wouldn’t easily accessible for the average cookie to see. You got to see just how much work had to deal with, and his own devotion to his kingdom—while he got to hear about how fondly you talked of the witches, and your talent to the craft of spell-casting was a devotion in itself; Your admiration came from a place of genuineness rather than the wickedness many had once claimed.

Eventually, your shared devotion seems to shift a bit. It came out in the little things at first; If you didn’t show, he would personally come to your place of residence to check up on you. When you come into the castle, he would occasionally give you little things that he just ‘happened to find’ that he thought you take interest to: New spell books, possible fabric to help your outfit or just new garments outright. While you also took the time to check in on him and even taking it upon yourself to solve some cookie’s problems to give Dark Cacao that much more time to breathe.

Depending on when the two of you meet will affect this part: if you meet while Dark Choco is a kid/before his betrayal, you watch him on occasion and show the young cookie little magic tricks. You tell him all sorts of stories and even experiences you’ve had with the witches with your own eyes—Dark Cacao quietly watching the whole ordeal with a face far too fond for his reputation. Now meeting after the fact? It takes a lot more for you to get close due to his son’s betrayal, it hit hard and getting so close that he would start to open up about these things is especially an honor. You would be the thing to help him ease up the defenses that he built in the wake of the Dark Choco’s betrayal, even for a moment.

Eventually, this back-and-forth turns into pining—two different cookies that, yet, were so similar at heart. You put him… at ease, a feeling Dark Cacao would’ve only dreamed of experiencing until now. While it came off subtle, it soon became more apparent to you that your feelings were not as platonic as the two of you had let on. Though, you didn’t pursue; initially concerned that you’d push him too far and he would shut you out completely, there is no true guarantee that—even if his feelings were mutual—he’d reciprocate them. Plus you were not keen on staying in one place for too long, how could you strive to even achieve half of the witches’s greatness if you kept yourself caged?

Despite all of this, you were the one to confess. Dark Cacao Cookie has been through a lot and letting down his guard is hard, let alone being vulnerable enough to admit that he had fallen for you. He’s slow to accept his own feelings so with your confession, he ask that you be willing to wait for a response from him; you agree, expecting nothing more to come from it.

Eventually though, your patience is rewarded!

…

It was night, the kingdom had long fell asleep, but not you two. You had made it a habit to stay up far too late getting work done, neither of you could seem to shake; but hated to see in the other, it’s was an odd cycle that neither of you seemed too eager to break.

You came to deliver some papers—just some findings that you had collected throughout the day. When relaying this information to him, he responded to with a nod before gesturing you closer to come; an action that only picture interest. You obliged, stepping further only to be met with—his forehead?! Dark Cacao was not a physical cookie, this has to be a mistake. Maybe one of your spells finally misfired and caused an abnormal reaction? Were you dreaming?

More questions seem to arise as finally pulled away from you to speak his mind, face dusted in a nice shade of purple, he thanked you for your patience and had came to a conclusion. It was unlike the king to be so disorganized, but it was hard to calm himself when you looked at him so earnestly. Eventually, he was able to admit that he wanted to properly court you before continuing; a gesture that earned a half-hearted scoff from you as you tipped your hat to him, stating he should start planning your first date—what you didn’t expect was him admitting that… he already had that for the morning. Now there were two embarrassed workaholics in the castle that night.

…

One date turned into countless, and a few gifts turned into many before he had successfully courted you. For a while, the two of you stayed in a gray limbo, not quite being official; but having your eyes only set on one another. When it finally was official though, nothing really changed—just a title.

Dark Cacao is extremely vigilant to not ruin the reputation that he’d had worked so hard to build, so no PDA. At most? Standing just a bit closer to than you would normally with other cookies or the occasional glances that spoke volumes more than any words could. When the other Ancients catch wind of this; it turns into a game for them to figure out if the two of you have a thing for each other, or just incredibly in sync with each other’s needs. They are beyond shocked to know that the king was able to successfully work with you, but you had come quite a long ways. Pure Vanilla was the only one to really catch it, he can see just how much love the two of you have for each other; thankfully, he’s kind enough not to expose two of you just yet—you’ll do that yourselves when you’re ready.

As as the two of you love each other, Dark Cacao is still a bit concerned; if not more now that the two of you are together. Your admiration towards the witches is… a little scary and you do take it very seriously when pushed, to the point that even he questions if your admiration may be just a few steps from obsession—a hunger that will never be satiated. He worries that one day, he’ll have to turn his blade towards you—he dreads that day and praises it will never come, doing everything in his power to curve more concerning thoughts and habits.

But for the most part, he’ll let you continue while watching along the sidelines out of respect for you.

Anywho, now that you guys are together, he can be a bit more forward in his actions. He still shows a lot of his love through acts of servitude, which translates into him fixing your garments when they get messed up due to your work or just simple wear and tear. Speaking of work, you have definitely gotten into a scuff or two with you two fighting side-by-side, your spellcasting lending you to being much more of a range fighter; which also means that Dark Cacao Cookie is commonly your shield when temporarily down, something that he doesn’t seem to mind. Though, if you use your spell to stay in the front lines; not only with the king be quite impressed, but the two of you would be an absolute menace in battle.

Even when two of you aren’t working or working on your own things, you spend a lot of time together; Dark Cacao Cookie appreciates having someone so close to him, while you appreciate having something you can physically touch—The witches are great, but not super accessible and often make you feel a little… insane for worshiping them.

Dates for the two of you—when you’re not doing work dates—occasionally turn into informational dumps from you, or reading sessions overall. Dark Cacao just appreciate being with you, so he doesn’t particularly mind where the date goes; the two you do go on dates that he plans as well, it’s easier to show his love through action than expressing it through words.

When he is expressing his feelings through words, he’s honest, but his edge are just a wee bit softened; instead of sweet nothings, he’ll promise to stay devote to you for as long as he can and appreciates all that you have done for his kingdom—but more specifically, him.

Physical affection isn’t completely off the table either though, just as long as it is mainly in the safety of his castle’s walls—or occasionally at your place. You have all but officially moved into the castle, your dwelling acting more of a storage rather than a home. Two of you can be seen holding hands or even occasional smooch while Dark Cacao sits on his throne. If you are the one to initiate more physical affection, he’ll quietly melt into you as you pull your antics; if it’s nice not having to chase, instead, letting someone else take the lead.

You still do go on expeditions, your ambitions are high and your admiration of the witches; as stranger that is, keeps you moving forward. Though… in the embrace of your lover, you find it hard to truly leave.

…

The Witches will understand, today, you’re just enjoying what they have blessed you with; at least, that’s what you tell yourself as the two of you take a quick nap.

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

Can you talk about a character’s physical strength and how strong they are? Isn’t Azul very strong and able to lift heavy things?

is anything mention about wizard being more physical strong or anything?

There's nothing that states that mages are stronger or more physically capable than a magicless human. However, it's important to consider that a mage's overall health and wellbeing contributes to their blot accumulation and recovery. You're recommended to eat and sleep to get rid of blot. This is why NRC has its students in P.E. class and organizes Vargas Camp: to keep the boys in shape for spellcasting.

About half of the cast are in athletic clubs. This includes Riddle, Ace, Deuce, Leona, Jack, Ruggie, Floyd, Jamil, Epel, Silver, and Sebek. I would also argue Jade counts as athletic, but his club is sort of a middle ground between athletic and cultural. The others--Cater, Trey, Azul, Kalim, Vil, Rook, Idia, Ortho, Malleus, and Lilia--are in cultural clubs. This doesn't automatically make everyone in athletic clubs stronger than those that aren't though. For example, Riddle has very low physical stamina (something which Kalim comments on in Riddle's P.E. Uniform vignette) and Rook, despite being in Science Club (ie a cultural club) is quite strong.

Here are some notable (physically) strong or muscular characters from NRC's student population!

Please note: just because I don’t list a character here doesn’t necessarily mean they are weak; a character could be fit/healthy but not be in this list because there isn’t anything in canon which indicates them as being a standout in terms of strength.

Deuce (ex-delinquent; infamous in his hometown)

Trey (he bakes (ie lifts heavy bags of flour and sugar) and used to play soccer; Magical Archives states his build is actually surprisingly thick, even moreso than Rook I think)

Leona (do I need to explain this one)

Jack (do I need to explain this one part 2)

Azul (grip strength)

Floyd (his infamous squeezing)

Jade (is able to hold his own in fights with his twin; he was also taught self-defense as a kid)

Jamil (professionally trained bodyguard)

Vil (trains with personal trainer who was an master kickboxer; he is careful not to train too much to avoid becoming overly muscular)

Rook (tells a story about how he got lost in the jungle as a kid and survived by himself until he was found; an archer, which takes considerable arm strength)

Malleus (can literally crack open coconuts with his bare hands and punch holes in cave walls to retrieve magestones)

Silver (Lilia's hellish training + he is a knight)

Sebek (same reasoning as Silver)

Lilia (an ex-war general, trained the other Diasomnia boys himself)

***Honorable mention goes to Ortho, whose physical capabilities vary depending on the Gear he is equipped with at any given moment.***

Let’s talk about Azul in more detail since he a the character named in the ask!

In the second Beanfest event, Floyd reveals that Azul actually has "crazy grip strength", even if his speed, reflexes, and stamina are lacking. This is because "Octopi are all muscle" and Floyd doubts that Azul's "crazy grip strength" would have diminished simply because he is currently in a form more suitable for land.

This is confirmed in book 6; Azul states that, "I'm confident I could take [Riddle] even without magic. My arms are quite powerful, unlike [his]." He is also confident that he can help Riddle hold up their Thunder Spear later in book 6, but it shocked by its heft. This suggests that Azul is used to having the strength to easily lift things.

Azul's arm strength persists in other events too. He is able to, for example, pry Stitch off when he was clinging on to Yuu for dear life, potentially drowning them both.

In an event yet to come out to the EN server (Tapis Rouge), Azul is able to keep pushy reporters at bay when they try to swarm Vil.

Finally, in Azul's Outdoor Wear vignette, it seems that Azul is well aware of his strength, but purposefully plays up being weak to make this situation stick out in Kalim's mind. He's being a real drama queen about helping Kalim gather firewood because he's hoping to get something out of this "kindness" later.

So yes! Azul is strong, even if he may not look it.

[questionablecuttlefish]

Lightcannon Headcanons: Close Combat.

JINX

We get a really good look at Jinx as both a close quarters and ranged fighter in Arcane.

She's incredibly slippery, fluid and unpredictable, even before the Shimmer gives her a super-speed, super-strength juice mode (as depicted with the pink trails from her eyes in the show.)

My take is that Jinx picked up her fighting style learning from Silco's best fighters but also from observation of numerous street fights and pit fights on her own. She has no particular style or formal training, and a lot of her close quarters is just sheer animalistic survival instinct. Anyone expecting a traditional slugfest with Jinx is going to lose, but as we saw with her fight against Rictus, she's still vulnerable to a more experienced, professional warrior who's able to keep a level head, hold their ground and not fall for her tricks. Survive her long enough and she may get sloppy or frustrated and give you an opening.

But that's if you survive.

Jinx has never been big or strong (until the Shimmer) so she focuses on speed, unpredictability, dodging and hitting back with erratic timing and force. She won't hesitate to fight dirty, if she doesn't already have a weapon to hand, the whole environment is likely to be her weapon. She'll bite you, claw out your eyes, smash your teeth on the concrete if she has to. Anything to win.

LUX

I know my h/c that Lux isn't a soldier or a frontliner fighter is pretty rare, but I don't see any evidence in her current lore that she's ever served on the front line (and in her old lore she was more of a battle mage) and I kinda like that as a contrast to Tianna, Cithria, Kahina, Poppy, almost all the other Demacian women champions and supporting characters being heavy-hitting front line fighters or specialized but still deadly warriors like Fiora, Vayne or Quinn (Shyvana is a freaking dragon so she gets extra points here.)

But Lux is still a Demacian, still a member of a noble family in this extremely militarized but gender-equal feudal society, she has absolutely still been trained to fight, and likely with a wide variety of weapons - dagger, staff, sword, spear and bow at bare minimum, and some form of unarmed fighting. In the comic we see her shoot Sylas with a crossbow and stab him with a concealed dagger, so we know she's not shy about it if she's pushed.

My Lux take is that, since she's primarily a diplomat with spy skills and was never meant to be a frontline soldier, she's been trained to fight defensively. But because of that, her fighting style with a sword or other melee weapon is very bare bones and efficient. It catches people off guard if they expect her to be weak or fancy.

Nope, she's just going to disarm and stab you in the quickest and most efficient way possible. Lux doesn't like killing so she's going to make this quick and clean. It makes her ironically more dangerous because she's not screwing around.

I also like the contrast between this and her flowing, dancing, elegant and graceful spellcasting style when she's weaving her Light. Wielding her magic is a spiritual experience for her, communing with a profound part of herself, equally intimate, exhilarating and terrifying for her.

Killing someone with cold steel is something she'd rather not do, so she just wants to get it out of the way.

[least-evil-resident]

medieval resident evil au where Umbrella is a cabal of dark mages trying to unlock the secrets to lichdom and go mad learning secrets from the undead eldritch horror outside of space and time

Chris and Jill are Knights in service of the Order of Stars, Leon is a beginning town guard, Ada is still a spy, honestly not much is different

If you give them ttrpg character sheets then it's even more fun

Would guns be wands, badass Crossbows, or straight up magic, or different based on the game? They could also just be guns but that wouldn't be nearly as interesting.

Consider pistol=dagger, rifle=longsword, shotgun=axe? Grenades could be hand bombs or magic.

Or pistol=hand crossbow, rifle=light crossbow, shotgun is either special bolt or a spell

Beneath the cobblestone streets of raccoon city, where gaslamps and auto-carriages ramble, is the lair of an evil sect of mages developing spells in secret to transform humans into beasts

Could be very bloodborne-esque. Lots of fire and brimstone. Maybe STARS are more like paladins, and the bsaa is an order of Templar type organization.

If we go dnd 5e rules, Chris is a fighter for sure, Jill is like a rogue I guess? Leon could go either. It could be fun to make Claire like a sorcerer since she gets the grenade launcher

In later games I think Chris definitely fits either paladin or barbarian, where Leon goes for more rogue/maybe ranger vibes. Jill seems more rogue+fighter but magic rogue is cool, maybe artificer. Claire would be sorcerer multiclass I think. Keep any mages low powered that way.

Sherry in 6 is maybe warlock or aasimar instead of Cleric? Blood hunter would be cool. Rebecca starts as a Cleric in 0 for sure. For a low magic setting where research and Rituals are matched by quick, small combat spells, how high of a DC do you think enemies would go?

Of course, in a classless system like gurps or all flesh, this would be a lot less restrictive. What would be the best system for resident evil normally? What would be the best one for its fantasy au?

Wesker very much fits the low-fantasy vampire theme. He has a reflection and can step in he sunlight but wow it hurts his eyes. Chris rolls a 20 to punch a boulder to death.

Leon has the lucky feat or 20 in dex or something to pull off his stunts. Chris also gets Charisma as a leader for the bsaa, so paladin is up his alley. Leon's secret service requires more rogue skills, but his time in operation javier trains his skills as a Ranger under Krauser maybe?

Jill and Claire both get grenade launchers, but Jill is more Rogue with her lockpicking so it makes sense for them to switch level ups later on as claire learns more professional skills for rogue training.

Barry definitely hits fighter/barbarian with his heavy weapons. Jake is maybe more monk/barbarian but with something like a dhampir ancestry feature? Sheva is maybe rogue/fighter or paladin fighter since thats when chris starts taking paladin levels. Billy has to be rogue/fighter I think, or maybe fighter/rogue, if he even gets a second class. It would almost make sense for him to be pure rogue and rebecca be cure cleric, since she retires to become a researcher and hes never heard from again. Helena is I guess just plain rogue, hinting at her role in 6, while Leon has his ranger levels. Piers is more rogue/Ranger (or fighter archer). A lot of the one off teammates just don't get super interesting classes as a consequence of their limited appearance. Carlos... Fighter? Just fighter is fine.

Now, the problem here is that each game starts off with little to no equipment for various reasons. In the case of our spell casters like claire and jill, we can't just de-level them between adventures in the resident evil campaign. But we could give them more limited access to spell components to match the resource management of survival horror.

This is more complicated outside of dnd 5e, where a game like All Flesh Must Be Eaten has very different spellcasting rules, so you'd need to stray from a low-magic to a straight low-fantasy setting. Alchemist tools and one use spell scrolls replace your grenades and spell casting maybe? That's the issue you'd run into with treating the setting as one campaign instead of each game as an individual campaign though.

The easiest one to do is RE8. It's literally the same. Ethan starts 7 as a human Commoner, takes levels in artificer as the game goes on, since that one introduced crafting, and comes back very subtly as a human variant with a few new levels in fighter from chris' tutoring. Hey that means we can give Hiesenburg an artificer friend! Class buddies ♡ hiesenburg is probably artificer/sorcerer, giving him charisma and intelligence. Dimetrescu is maybe barbarian if she even gets class levels.

I don't think we can justifiably say Rose is a variant human, I think she gets her own custom ancestry features for this. Sorcerer also feels better than Druid for her, but a couple levels in - you guessed it, rogue! Cover her gun and Stealth skills. You get a lot or rogues and fighters in low powered/low fantasy settings, who knew lol

[emmikoochaitea]

Hello everyone! After a while I’m finally releasing my space rider ocs public after working on them for a while! (the dangerous critters as space riders) I’ve kept them hidden for awhile because of shyness but I decided to finally show them all off! This au belongs to @onyxonline

I’ll be sure to draw the riders as spies and spellcasters too but I wanted to finish all the full outfits of the full group shot of space riders first!

There is also gonna be a fanfic I’m working about them and hopefully you’ll like it! Enjoy my silly goobers! Let’s give them all a small introduction!

Since originally the dangerous critters are sort of rivals to the critters, all of them are pretty competitive and kinda? Mean to the og critter due to some dumb childhood rivalries that are petty.

Sinful Shepherd: The leader of the crew! He’s a kind yet strong willed dog that has a lot of empathy for others and tries to be friendly at first. However he knows how to stand his ground and won’t hesitate to punch someone to put them in your place. He can be clumsy and nervous sometimes as well but always has his heart in the right place and is a good leading figure!

Whimper Wolf: Why is he second in command? The others are wondering that too! He’s really shy, seems scared of everything and usually stays nears Sinful Shepherd. But Sinful still seems to trust him and has given him the role for the crew. Although he still gets scared and panics, he has proven himself in battle he can handle cultist and be a good rescuer just.. in his own scared panicky way?

Noxious Neveah Kangaroo: She’s the team’s medic but also a professional boxer and is a BEAST on the field! She uses her strong legs to pack a painful kick that makes the pain last weeks! She’s very energetic and loves fighting more than anything. If you have a cultist fight without her she’ll just take offense and probably ignore you for a week out of pettiness.

Cassi Carless Cheetah: Neveah’s best friend and partner in crime. She’s also a beast on the field but a bit different from Neveah. Her talent is super speed with her strong legs and it’s hard for any cultist to try and run from her when she can catch up to them in just a few seconds!

KittyBelle: Sinful’s adopted sister. She’s a calm caring soul and sweetheart who loves fashion and galas. She’s the one who made all the crew’s gala outfits as she’s a professional outfit maker on the sideline of a space rider!

Frantic Ferret: He’s more focused on right now as a thief and rebel for the prototype’s cult. He’s had a traumatic past that involved them and set up a small rebellion of other victims and survivors that suffered at the hands of the cult. However he justifies his morals by pickpocket and stealing from others and using it for this small rebellion. He eventually will get arrested by the crew but that hasn’t happened yet.

Carter Cobra: Frantic’s best friend and partner through it all, he’s the engineer of the rebellion and a bit of an odd ball when it comes to research and science. He helped Frantic start his rebellion and has followed him ever since. He makes small gears for the rebellion and creates robotic things to help his friends.

Fenni Fennec: Formally training to be a space rider, Fenni was kidnapped by cultist and raised and manipulated into believing her friends left her for dead and the prototype saved her, giving her a twisted mind set and hatred for the dangerous critter crew. She plans to torment them and get rid of them all, and bring them to the prototype, doesn’t matter if alive or dead.

[thehomelybrewster]

How Much Do Systems Matter?

This post is directly inspired by the video "You shouldn't use DnD for narrative campaigns." by Questing Beast (aka Ben Milton) about the Polygon article "Worlds Beyond Number is teaching me things that no D&D book can" by Charlie Hall.

The video and article basically posit the following:

TTRPGs can use concretely designed procedures for certain types of challenges and scenarios while having much looser procedures for other types of challenges or scenarios

Just because a TTPRG has less thorough rules on a type of challenge or scenario than a different RPG tackling the same subject matter doesn't automatically make the former worse at being used for these scenarios than the latter

Depending on the preferences of the table, having a robust mechanical framework for one element of gameplay while lacking that for other types of gameplay may be preferrable than having robust mechanical frameworks for both

Having distinct game mechanics for narrative progression and character interactions is uncommon in D&D and derived games, but is very common in story games, e.g. most Powered by the Apocalypse games.

The Polygon article includes this quote by Worlds Beyond Number's Brennan Lee Mulligan: "[People say that] because D&D has so many combat mechanics, you are destined to tell combat stories. I fundamentally disagree. Combat is the part I’m the least interested in simulating through improvisational storytelling. So I need a game to do that for me, while I take care of emotions, relationships, character progression, because that shit is intuitive and I understand it well. I don’t intuitively understand how an arrow moves through a fictional airspace."

This intuitive knowledge on handling emotional beats, narrative, and characters of course stems from years of experience Brennan has as a writer, actor, improv teacher, comedian, camp counsellor, and professional TTRPG GM and player.

Using Ron Edwards design language (s. his 1999 essay "System Does Matter"), Brennan wants to run primarily narrativist games, while 5e would fit Edwards' idea of a Gamist system, i.e. one which involves the pursuit of "winning" against NPCs.

Now let's look at 5e: it's generally agreed upon that 5e is opinionated on combat, while also being vocal that exploration and social encounters, while less fleshed-out, are still part of its pillars alongside combat, meaning the game is still encouraging you to pursue these types of play.

Combat is a very fleshed-out series of systems. The action system is centered on combat, both in terms of time and types. Spellcasting is very distinct and allows for casting mostly offensive or defensive spells. Class progression usually focuses on improving one's combat capabilities.

Exploration and social interactions are much more bare-bones.

On the social side, a few more recent supplements have reintroduced the classic Attitude table present in earlier editions and which are a mainstay of the OSR community. Additionally the DMG spends merely three pages on how to run NPCs, mostly using fairly general advice instead of concrete game mechanics. Interaction between player characters is also barely discussed in 5e rules.

Exploration is similarly simple, mostly related to the omnipresent but simple skill system, as well as some relatively simple rules on weather, hazards, overland travel speed, and tracking rations.

5e's shift towards simplified rules for these two pillars, including simplifying the skill system into a mostly binary failure-success affair is a shift away from earlier D&D editions and some of its direct competitors, e.g. Pathfinder, Rolemaster, GURPS, and The Dark Eye, which often would involve subsystems for various aspects of social or exploratory encounters, s. Edwards' "System does Matter" essay and his point on simulationist games.

So if Brennan wants to run a narrative game where we can realiably use his knowledge of narratives and character writing to create a compelling story while having a set system as his backup to run situations where violence becomes a factor... Using a game like 5e is a decent choice.

Of course other systems might be even better for that. Shadowdark for example may just be the perfect fit for someone wanting to run a narrative game with occasional combat. The combat rules are thorough enough to cover the fundamentals. Sure, you may just need to get rid of real-time torches, the key mechanic which sets Shadowdark apart from other OSR games, but subtracting a mechanic, instead of modifying it, is a relatively uninvasive procedure.

Personally I too like it when my TTRPG, especially stuff intended for medium- or long-term play, doesn't touch social and narrative elements much mechanically.

Meanwhile games like Ironsworn and Heart - The City Below, which are much more narrative-focused, do have issues where their resolution mechanics clash with the fiction in ways that would pull be out of the story we're trying to tell. Heart has the issue with the Supplies resistance not being shared within the group, and Ironsworn's fulfillment of vows can be glacially slow (s. A. A. Voigt's "Ironsworn: A Narrative Dilemma" video essay).

Ultimately, it all comes down to preference. Personally, if I wanted to run a fantasy game with magic and a strong narrative (like Worlds Beyond Number), with the clear goal of not getting bogged down in combat or minis, I'd legit use Shadowdark as described above. If I knew I wanted to tell a specific type of story and knew of a game that was designed for these types of stories, I'd definitely give it a read and talk about it with my players before we adopt it.

However, I do implore folks to not Ship of Theseus a game with tons of homebrew and houserules so that it's no longer recognizable as its original game. If you ever feel compelled to do that, ask other players what systems might be a better fit for your needs.

[the-neurographic-wizard]

Make Them Pay Spell

DISCLAIMER: This spell does not constitute legal advice, nor is it a replacement for such. If you feel your life is being threatened or you are in some kind of trouble, then please contact your local law enforcement. The Pendle Coven assumes no legal responsibility.

Do you have this person that you really hate and want revenge for hurting you? Did your ex leave you for someone you hate and now you want them broken up? You've come to the right place! I am a Hereditary Witch of 20+ years of experience. This spell is designed to turn your enemy's world on its head. Everything they think they know will be pulled from underneath them in an instant. Their life will become a mere shell of what it once was. This is a powerful offensive spell.

For entertainment purposes only!

[sedia-starcrow]

Hey there, folks! I don't really post much as I don't have much to post about, but this one is important to me.

My closest friend has been writing over the past few months. And personally, I find it to be extremely good. It's verbose and detailed even for the few chapters few currently out, but it's enthralling and grips you so quickly. Their characters have such great interactions with each other, their world feels mysterious and somewhat unknown, their ideas and universal mechanics are just downright exhilirating!!

So what exactly is it? We'll, let's get into that!

Welcome to:

Intermenides

Intermenides is an urban fantasy web novel focused around the story of August, Nadir, and Lawry trying to navigate a world beyond the veil of typical human understanding, one full of mystical beings and gods beyond comprehension, and the intersecting pair Silas and Rayne as they track down supernatural (henceforth referred to as Housefolk) dangers underneath the orders of the shadowy and questionable Ministry of Natural Law. A couple sources of inspiration include Paradox's World of Darkness and Weather Factory's Secret Histories games, but ultimately it was spawned from a writing prompt and grew into something larger due to passion and love of writing.

August Hall and Nadir Ruiz are on the run after a shapeshifter of some type took on Nadir's guise and attempted to kill him. Nadir, not knowing who else to go to, ran to August for help and resulted in her awakening to her latent spellcasting abilities and status as a witch. The mimic has not given up its search though, it continues to track and attack the pair seemingly regardless of where they go, for reasons they do not understand as of yet. The duo stumbled into Lawry, a disabled spellblade and former authority figure amongst the world of the Housefolk, and have been staying on the road with her in order to find a solution to their mimic issue; supposedly within a strange and magical book titled Intermenides XIV.

July Lawson, AKA Lawry, is a hard to read, closed off individual. She is often obfuscating information, if not outright lying about topics she believes the duo is not ready to be exposed to. She was once a noteworthy and recognized figure amongst the Housefolk, and a spellblade of borderline legendary status, yet somehow all traces of knowledge on her vanished years ago. Lawry has a strange demeanor to her; she seems distant and cold at times, sometimes even fearful of what might occur around her. Something appears to have scarred her both emotionally and magically, causing her to be unable to control spells without injuring herself and unable to find comfort in people. August and Nadir intend to try and help her heal.

Silas Everett is an overly professional and strict detective within the Ministry of Natural Law, at least on the surface. His jobs are often dangerous, his quarries often violent, and his handling must shift to match. But beneath that he has a genuine care for the Housefolk and merely wishes to keep their world from spiraling. He is known as a Ministry lap dog, doing anything and everything he is told without question, however that couldn't be further from the truth. He is aware that something within the Ministry isn't right, something has rotten it to the very core, and it's up to him and those he puts his trust in to figure out what. And who knows, maybe the Ministry isn't the only thing that isn't quite what it seems...

Rayne Harper! My gods, how I love Rayne. Rayne is a bubbly, sweet, and mildly mischievous lycanthrope under the handling of Silas after being taken in by the Ministry for crimes she had no part in. A little bit of a tease, she is one of the few that Silas lets his guard down around, she knows how he actually operates and relishes every moment away from the eyes of the Ministry. Rayne is one of the many Housefolk who are unjustly oppressed by the Ministry, being forced onto medication that suppress her abilities to shift forms and read emotions. She may be a nobody to the world at large, but her work at Silas' side will prove revolutionary.

I know that was a lot! I know I'm also not great at pitching things but I am earnestly trying my best and I promise that it's written exponentially better than my blurbs about it. I just love what Wren's doing with it, and I want them to continue because I can see how much it matters to them. They're trying to get a chapter out every week to two weeks. Mind you the chapters are quite long. So please, if it seems at all interesting to you, even the slightest bit, please go give it a try. It'd mean the world to both of us.

Thank you for reading!!

[ethicaltreatmentofcowplants]

Sulani: Evening

(Written for @akitasimblr's Mad About Dodo Challenge ❤️ This got very long. I cannot do short lines of dialogue that convey so much like some of you out there :x The last two paragraphs are the only ones that matter)

(Also I owe a lot to @dead-lights for her interpretation of Darrel. Thank you for giving him so may layers!)

GEMMA: So. Why are we here? DARREL: I know why I’m here. The question is, why are you here? GEMMA: Ah, c’mon man. Sulani. The cushiest and most exclusive resort on the whole island. Even more cushy and exclusive now that they’re filming Mad About Dodo. DARREL: Mad about what now? Mundanes still believe that they exist?

GEMMA: No, you doofus. Only the hottest reality tv show in the Simsverse. And Dodo Harper is the bachelor. DARREL: The twin of He Who Shall Not Be Named?

GEMMA: Now look around us. It’s a beautiful sunset. About to be a beautiful night. Why do you darken my day by bringing up that turd and his pro-vampire propaganda piece? DARREL: That’s usually my line. GEMMA: And it was totally when he was banging that one lady fanger too. Why do you masc type Sims have to go and lose any mote of common sense the instant you get your wands wet- DARREL: Gemma.

GEMMA: Okay, you have a little more sense than the rest of them. I’ll give you that. In fact, some days I think that you were born with a broomstick shoved so far up your arse that Emilia’s still pulling the fragments out- DARREL: Gemma.

GEMMA: So prove me otherwise by letting your absolute favouritist sister stay with you while you’re here for work? Pretty please? I’ll even cook you dinner. DARREL: I can Delicioso my own dinner. So can you. GEMMA: But then it won’t be made with love. Pleaaaase?

DARREL: Alright. Fine. But only because I know that you’ll get into worse mischief if I say no. GEMMA: A gentleman and a scholar! DARREL: Back on the premises no later than eleven o’clock. And if I’m out for the night, you’ll stay with Duane Talla and his caregivers. GEMMA: You’re the best! 

Somewhere nearby, a loading screen blips, deposits a Sim on the nearby shore (he never even got peanuts on his ride). A Wildfang emerges.

LOU: Well, hey. Had no idea I’d be working with spellcaster royalty. If I’d known, I’d have taken a longer wolf bath before boarding the loading screen. DARREL: Great. My associate is a Wildfang. GEMMA: Darrel, be cool. Don’t mind my brother. He doesn’t actually hate werewolves. DARREL: I don’t. I’m wary of them. No offence. GEMMA: He just miscast a spell one day and his face has been frozen like that ever since. So sad.

DARREL: I did not miscast a spell. GEMMA: Whatever. I however am a werewolf ally. LOU: I can tell by the lack of tense moodlets on you. Awoo! DARREN: How does that even apply when you’re not transformed?

LOU: For you, baby? I can transform. GEMMA: Don’t bother. He’s engaged and not the slightest bit interested in that throuple update coming to base game. Though he supports it in principle. DARREN: Yeah. See this finger?

LOU: Bro. Wrong finger. And that was hurtful. DARREN: Ah plum. Look, I’m just juggling a lot at the moment with the wedding and an upcoming trial- GEMMA: He’s going to be a Master Caster… DARREN: And for all I know, you’re a decent enough guy. But when I was told that I’d be working with a werewolf, I was expecting someone with more of a… reputation for polish and professionalism. Someone from the Collective, maybe.

GEMMA: Guys, it will be fine. This big secret thing that you’re not telling me, that is. Maybe you can start over by trading hair care tips? Even though Darrel only has the second best ‘do of all the spellcasters. DARREN: Ember has to be using some kind of untamed magic. I just know it. Therefore it doesn’t count. LOU: Hey, your locks are truly luscious, man. Could totally smell the keratin the second I got off the loading screen. DARREN: Oh, really? Thank you. It’s my-

GEMMA: And it could be worse. At least you’re not working with Vladdy Daddy... [mimes the creep walk] All three laugh. 

Here, however, comes someone who is not laughing. In fact, had she French kissed a lemon beforehand, you would probably describe her expression as ‘joyous’ next to the one she’s currently wielding.

ROSAMUND: Pleased to see that you have already found each other. But why am I addressing a child? My directives were clear. This is a potential business meeting, not a summer camp.

GEMMA: Child? You know, gameplay mechanics allow me to do all the things that a young adult can do. Even perform caregiving duties on an infant, only I don’t get any parenting skill boost from it. Do you ever think about that? No, you only ever think about yourselves. LOU: That’s so unfair. GEMMA: [fake sniff] I know! ROSAMUND: We can discuss the rights of the disenfranchised Thriftea generation later. Shall we sojourn to somewhere more private? LOU: [to Gemma] Hey, she’s got that kind of knack where she phrases something like it’s a request. Only it’s anything but a request- TOGETHER: I stan.

ROSAMUND: So. Is there an adult present with whom I may converse?

DARREN: That would be me. And not simply by default, though I can understand you having that impression. ROSAMUND: Yes. You come highly recommended at least. Please. Have a seat.

GEMMA: So, Wildfang. What news of this gig? What do your wolf ears perceive? LOU: A Lord of the Swings reference. I dig it. GEMMA: Something about Mad About Dodo? LOU: Oh my Watcher, I am obsessed! When that hot mean girl type was all set to Black Widow challenge Vlad- GEMMA: Not all heroes wear capes! LOU: And then that sweet shy twink finally got to shoot his shot at the WowWow hut! GEMMA: Total OTPness! LOU: Oh, but then that one dude drowned.

GEMMA: Which at first I thought was funny because I was like ‘people, chill, there’s a spell for that dot com?’ But then I remembered that everyone on that show is a mundane, probably because "Mister Vampire War Crimes Apologist" wants to be able to torture all the truly helpless Sims without any pushback or accountability or something. LOU: Plum, I hate that dick.  GEMMA: So then I felt bad for thinking that it was funny? Since they don’t know what we know. And Dodo was crying over his tombstone and shit.

LOU: Yeah, that was rough but like, don’t feel bad. Our first reaction to anything ever is all down to social conditioning, you know? You reframed the situation in your own mind with hindsight and that’s what’s important. GEMMA: Thank you. LOU: I got you. Anyways. The tea is that her daughter’s on the show and she’s not happy. GEMMA: Oh my Watcher, I knew that she looked familiar! She has to be - TOGETHER: [scooby doo villain reveal tone] - Minty’s Mom!!! GEMMA: And Minty almost died too. No wonder Lady Muck-Muck here looks like she just stepped in a three hundred year old corpse. LOU: Yeah, I would be Blood Moon Rising level Furious if it was my pup. [whispers even quieter] But as well as ‘a’ mommy, she’s also Mommy, am I right? GEMMA: Totally Mommy. Though I’m still a teenager so I don’t have those moodlets about anyone above my age group yet. LOU: Don’t worry. I’ve got enough for the both of us.

ROSAMUND: Let neither of us disrespect the other by wasting their time. What do you know of untamed magic? DARREL: About five thousand simoleons worth more than what you’re currently offering. ROSAMUND: A risky venture and you must be compensated accordingly for your labour. Understood. DARREL: You’ve obviously done your research. You know then that we Charms are an old spellcaster family and we don’t need the money. And neither are we the types to dispense cheap party tricks for hire. [glances over at Gemma] Well, those of us who are of age anyway. I want to know that you’re serious about this. ROSAMUND: Oh, I most certainly am. And I can afford to be still more serious than five thousand additional simoleons. I can be very serious indeed. DARREL: Let’s discuss particulars then, yeah?

ROSAMUND: Yes, let’s. Mister Howl and Ms. Charm, downstairs you will find a bar, a dance floor and some credit in your names. LOU: [to Gemma] Don’t worry, I got you. ROSAMUND: You will also find a bartender under strict instructions not to serve alcohol to any minors, and to blacklist anyone who provides alcohol to said minors. LOU: Curses, foiled again!

[feroshgirlsims]

Chapter 7.2 - You Can't Go Home

AKIRA

As they filter off the train, the smell of iron gets further away and Akira finally begins to relax.

He asks her a ton of questions, partly because he's curious and partly because he wants to keep the focus off himself. Alice is in the middle of talking about her class when her body goes rigid.

Akira scans for a threat but comes up empty. Train stations are generally pretty clear of supernatural creatures, except low-level spellcasters and baby vampires at night. They aren’t much use when you can transportalate, turn into a bat, or run for miles in wolf form. And the fae avoid them altogether. 

“You good?” 

She flinches when he reaches for her hand. “I-I’m fine,” Her smile doesn’t quite reach her eyes. “Do you smoke? Weed, I mean, not cigarettes. I…I think I’m gonna smoke. Do you wanna come with me?”

“I thought you said you had to turn this assignment in,” he reminds her.

She stares across the platform, but he still can’t figure out what she’s looking at. 

“I’ll do it later. And you don’t have to come. That was weird of me to peer pressure you,” her laugh comes out high-pitched and wrong, “You're probably busy. I’m good. I’m gonna go. And you’ll go, and I’ll just see you later.”

She's babbling and her hands are shaking. There is no universe where he just leaves her like this.

“Yeah, I smoke," he takes her hand and leads her to the exit. "And I got time. No classes, remember?”

Akira has been to the Commons a few times (for creeper reasons), but he's never climbed the tower. The air is especially crisp, but Alice doesn't seem bothered by it.

Despite resisting earlier, he finds himself wishing she would extract some promise from him—some commitment to keep him tied to her. It's a terrible idea. He knows better. Akira has always been careful not to break one of the rules he’d learned by brute force.

“This is a shit weed,” he coughs.

“Hey!” Alice playfully points an accusatory finger, “I invite you to my secret perch and share my paltry stash, and you insult me?”

“You need a new dealer if this is your stash.”

“And a new bank account!” She laughs. “Try to chillax, my dude; you are working against the medicinal benefits.”

He tries. His lungs fill, but it takes three more rounds of coughing before he evens out. Alice, meanwhile, is a professional. She barely coughs, though she's had twice as much as him. He's not even sure she's high.

"Why photography?" he asks when she joins him on the bench.

"Most of the time, I get asked about painting; no one even thinks about photography."

He shrugs, "Your focus isn’t Fine Arts. Why am I gonna ask you about something you don’t do? You want me to guess?" When she nods, he waves a hand across the sky, pretending to paint a picture. "Art lets you remake the world in a more pleasing image, which is kind of nice because the world is shit. But you do photography because you want the shitty stuff upfront. No lies. You'd rather tango with the truth."

She straightens, suddenly alert. "Maybe. Kind of. But photography is also lies. All you do when you snap a picture is capture a moment in time. You can still tell yourself a story about the emotion you saw or what really happened. It's just a different kind of lie from painting."

The weed is definitely kicking in, but he likes her explanation.

"So what are you studying?" she asks.

Direct questions are the hardest to dodge. Especially now when he feels like he’s floating a hundred feet in the air. "I'm studying nothing," he says honestly. "I just follow what interests me."

"Why?"

"Because I have a lot of time." Infinite, actually, if he kept his head attached to his body and didn't end up on the wrong side of a curse.

"If I had time, that's what I'd do too. And catch up on back seasons of 7 Wild Dates."

Akira laughs, "Stop. I changed my mind. That show is moving to the bottom of my watch list."

“Don’t be mean!” Alice sticks out her tongue, "That's quality programming you're missing."

They smoke more and talk about nothing, which feels like talking about everything because Alice leaps from topic to topic. She knows a little about a vast number of subjects, like knowledge for her is a series of wading pools and she's just hopping from one body of water to another.

It's how Akira operates too. Once he gets the gist of something, he's ready to move on.

“Tell me one thing about you so you can stop accusing me of hanging out with a stranger," she says, "Where are you from?”

A flash of pink sky. 

A veil that never seems to part.

A home he can’t get back to.

The yearning is so real he jolts. “What if I told you that nothing about me or my life is what it seems? And because I don’t want to lie to you, you’re probably gonna find I won’t answer all your questions. Maybe any of them.”

Alice thinks for a minute. “I guess I’d say tell me what you can, not what you can’t.”

Akira wants to praise her wordplay. He wants to kiss her. He does neither.

“I love horror movies,” he confesses, “When I was like, 10, I snuck into the Moonlight Massacre Marathon at the theater downtown, and I was fuckin’ hooked.” 

The whole story comes tumbling out, even the part about Titania being a little shit and ratting him out to their parents. Alice laughs and complains about her step-sibling, and Akira viciously guards every drop of information she shares with him.

“I like horror movies too. If I throw in Moonlight Massacre II, will that elevate 7 Wild Dates on your watch list?”

His phone buzzes with a reminder about tonight’s job. He gets to his feet. “Next time,” he tells her.

“You promise?”

A promise is a dangerous thing. 

—A binding thing. 

A vow. 

No promises. 

Akira nods, “Yeah, I promise.”

PREV | NEXT

(Part 3 of 4)

[anonym-potato]

Nein Again - 2x7 "Hush"

Last we left off, the gang decided to go spelunking and kill some hungry dogs. Spoilers ahoy!

I rate this Sam Riegel DnD Beyond ad a 20/10 hell yeah who can hate this song.

Oh right they're killing a baby

We're all laughing at "the shaft curves to the right", but Sam's little "not from her perspective" is vile what Archfey made a pact with this man.

"I have rolled a nine!' "This is gonna be the thing that never goes away." "This is gonna be our name." Oh lord they need to stop lampshading all the nines you people have NO IDEA this number will haunt the NEXT 130+ EPISODES

Khary! He's here!

Has anyone drawn fanart of Molly dancing with poi? That feels like it should exist.

Sam's immediaty fury at how sexy Shakäste is gets me every time

Hooray for conveniently located environmental hazards!

I love that a d6 hit die is just...weirdly realistic injury reaction mode. Yes getting shot with an arrow is really bad, actually.

I'm sure everyone in the cast was kicking themselves later for not getting the Stacy joke.

Caleb oversharing about Frumpkin's death and misinterpreting Shakäste's response is just. Such a mood.

"Why are all you big men making these weird speeches to me?" may still be the best thing Nott has ever said.

Nooo! Curse the inconveniently located environmental hazards!

Liam helping Khary with his spellcasting is so sweet

I love the teamwork HDYWTTD

Marisha's excitement for Wormwood fanmail immediately cooling into business professionalism is kinda funny.

As in Laura's bitterness at not getting new dice. Someone get this woman a kiddie pool full of dice to lounge in. Actually no that would be super uncomfortable.

I love how committed Caleb is to being a total coward

Oh god I forgot Fjord got paralyzed in front of that thing. Nott genuinely saved his life and they both immediately forgot about it.

I also forgot Shakäste's Spiritual Weaon was Estelle Getty somehow. Probably because I've never watched The Golden Girls

In hindsight everything about this mini-arc feels precision-designed to get under Nott's skin. You oggle that eye candy, girl, you've earned it.

If anything has ever warranted advantage on a saving throw, it's trying to kill whatever just murdered your baby

TFW you murder a man in cold blood and all your friends learn you have severe dissociation problems. #justWidogastthings

I love Shakäste's HDYWTTD

And I also love that he planned his own needlessly dramatic exit.

In conclusion: I am shaking Matthew Mercer by the lapels GIVE ME GRINNER LORE I BEG OF YOU