#probably ooc as hell but w/e

[going-to-ikea-for-the-fries]

Bait and Switch. || Scammer!Reader x Victim!Ghost

Rating: M Words: 2.6K~ Pairing: scammer!Reader x victim(but not really)!Ghost CW: phone scams/conning (reader never actually cons him), financial issues?, threats (Simon threatens to find reader), degradation?. other tags: crack, OOC Simon., you/your pronouns (gn!reader but uses a female fake name), obviously fake names (pun/funny), lying, joking, the weirdest meet cute? a/n: this started out as a joke/crack and turned serious/dark at the end? idk how i did this.

Simon Riley would say that being legally dead is the best thing to have happened to him and that's because it allowed him to escape a bunch of responsibilities that regular men have to uphold.

He gets paid covertly, in full, and does not have to pay taxes on his income.

He rented a flat from a sweet ol' lady, who didn't run a background check or ask for a copy of his birth certificate (terrible choice on her part), and he pays her by dropping an envelope of cash in her mailbox on the 1st of every of the month.

He not only is old enough to drink but also sounds and looks old enough as well, which means he doesn't need I.D. to buy alcohol (not that any shops or bars really care enough to check).

He doesn't have a credit card. Or a debit card for that matter. Hell, he doesn't even have a bank account, so he doesn't have to pay maintenance fees.

He doesn't have a smartphone. And up until recently he only had a pager. In fact, the only reason he doesn't have a pager anymore is because it got shot in the crossfire during a mission... so Price forced him to get a jitterbug.

In short... Simon Riley can escape a lot of things (death, taxes, Philip Graves...). But telemarketers and phone scammers are not one of those things.

That's how, on a boring Wednesday afternoon, his new phone ends up ringing, like it had been doing multiple times a week for the last four weeks.

Telemarketers.

He never got telemarketers on his pager.

He hated telemarketers.

But that didn't mean he blocked them-

"What?" He answered as soon as he picked up the phone.

An automated voice came over the call, one of those typical Siri-esque robot voices, delivering a prepared speech: "Congratulations! You've won a free cruise to the Bahamas! To claim your prize, press 1."

Oh, now, this was different. He didn't need to hear more to know it was a scam call. But that didn't mean he was going to hang up.

So Simon pressed key 1, which caused a beep to sound over the call.

"Thank you!" The automated voice continued. "We are now connecting you to a live operator to claim your prize!"

Barely a millisecond went by before you took over the call. "Good afternoon, this is Stella Gormoni with Blissful Blessings Inc.! Who am I speaking with?"

As stereotypical as it is, Simon had expected a different voice on the other end of the line... maybe from a scammer in a foreign country who'd speak heavily-accented English...

But instead, he got a sweet and professional sounding person... It almost made him second-guess the scam that was being pulled on him.

His mind moved quick at coming up with a fake name. Not just a fake one, but a pun one too. "Wanh'a, first name Aiden." He replied, his gruff voice reverberating on the call.

"And how do you spell that?" You asked him politely, and, through your headset, he could hear your keyboard keys clacking in the background.

"That's A-I-D-E-N." He replied as he entered his kitchen, spelling his first, as if that was somehow what was causing you difficulty.

"Uh-huh!" You acknowledged in a peppy tone. "And... your surname?" You asked him.

"W-A-N-H-'-A." He continued spelling as he crossed the small kitchen, hearing your fingers tapping away at your keyboard in his ear.

For a moment, you didn't talk, as if stunned into silence. Had you just picked up on the fact he was trolling you by giving you a name that, phonetically, sounded like 'I Don't Wanna'? Probably. But you hadn't hung up yet.

"Well, congratulations, Mr. Wanh'a, you just won an all-inclusive, two-week long cruise to the Bahamas!" Your peppy tone made him bite his lip to contain a laugh. Well, at least you were dedicated in continuing the scam. "How are you feeling?"

"Very well, and yourself?" Simon asked casually as he leaned himself against the door of his refrigerator, leaning down to look inside and find a snack.

"I'm doing very well, thank you, sir." You replied in a cheerful tone. "So, let's process the information so we can get you your prize, shall we?" You announced in a polite tone.

"Go right on ahead, sweet'eart." He murmured as he grabbed a yogurt and closed the fridge with his hip, sitting at the table and peeling open the lid.

"Well, for us to start, I'm going to need your-"

"Actually, I have a question, before we start." Simon interrupted your speech, cutting off your silver-tongued lies.

You went silent for just a moment before you replied with a sweet little: "Of course, what can I help you with, Mr. Wanh'a?"

"I want to know how exactly I signed up to receive this prize." Simon replied before he placed a spoonful of yogurt in his mouth.

He was trying to accomplish two things by doing this: 1) throw you off your game and make you stammer and stutter, and 2) see how long it took for you to get annoyed, and hang up on him.

"Well, that's what I was going to explain, you see-" You replied, a smile behind your voice, but his trained ears could pick up the slight frustration. It made Simon smile.

"Oh, then, I'm sorry for interrupting you, sweet'art, please go ahead." He replied and gestured with his spoon, as if giving you the stage, unnecessarily so, because you were not there to watch it.

"As I was saying... You were entered automatically into the draw by buying a cereal box of any Kellog's cereal at Tesco. I'm sure you saw a 'Win a free cruise!' sticker on yours?" You asked in a professional and sickly-sweet tone.

He could see right through your scam, he had already done that. You name a famous brand, one people trust, to trick naive or impressionable ones into believing you...

Normal people would tell you they no longer have the cereal box, many of them naive enough to believe your scam despite the fact they hadn't even bought one of those boxes in the first place...

Next, you'd ask for the card used to make the purchase, and some people were dumb enough to read their number aloud to you...

Oh, how he hated scammers. Even more than telemarketers.

"I do remember seeing something like that..." He murmured, his voice deepening, before he popped another spoonful of yogurt past his lips, loudly smacking them right against the receiver of his jitterbug.

"Well, all I need is for you to get the box and read me the code that's imprinted on the inside of the flap!" You announced.

"Well, you see, I would, sweet'art... But my sight isn't so good anymore..." Simon replied. "I'm getting up there in age, you know?" He continued eating his yogurt.

"I understand, sir." You replied. "I'm sorry to hear that. One of my cousins also started losing his vision pretty early." You announced.

Huh.

There was no hint of forced sympathy in your voice.

No, you were being genuine. That was a real story of your life you were telling him...

But you had picked up on the fact he was trolling you, right? So why were you-

"Good thing though, about this system of ours, is that you can just confirm your credit card details so we can double check them and get you that prize!" You had, your tone right back to the scamming silver-tongue you had held until now.

Secretly, Simon had to admit that he admired your commitment to the bit. He couldn't help but smile a bit, amused.

"Oh, of course. Let me just set you down while I get my card." Simon replied and got up, finishing his yogurt and tossing out the plastic container, popping the spoon into the sink, and, after setting down his phone, he walked out of the room.

Simon glanced down at his wrist watch, noting the time on it, then, approached his bedroom door, grabbing his over-the-door pull-up bars, and began doing a quick set, leaving you to 'wait' for him in the kitchen.

After a few sets, he waltzed back into the kitchen and grabbed his phone again. "You still there, da'lin'?" He beckoned in a gruff tone.

You sighed, your politeness sounding slightly more forced. He had kept you waiting for over ten minutes after all. "Yes, sir, I am. Did you get your card, Mr. Wanh'a?"

"Oh, please, enough of this 'sir' thing, Mr. Wanh'a was my mother." He replied, then went silent for just a beat, almost like he could hear your frustration sizzling on he other end.

He was being more and more obvious with his trolling... And it pleased him immensely to imagine a parasite like you seething on the other end of the line, reaching your wits' end.

"You can just call me 'Ai', it's what my friends call me." Simon continued, a smirk forming on his lips. "And we're friends now, right? You're giving me a cruise and everythin'." He added, his tone just as charismatic and peppy as his had been.

"I guess we are!" You replied, returning the overly cheery tone. "So, 'Ai Wanh'a', then?" You asked, but he could hear the mix of frustration and amusement behind your voice.

"Yeah? What d'you want, babygirl?" Simon asked, unable to resist making a more impish remark. And, unfortunately, it had the desired result. It genuinely caused your brain to blue-screen for a moment.

Sure, you'd experienced plenty of people getting angry at you when you attempt to scam them, or even trolling you the same way this bloke was doing but...

It was definitely a first, to have someone flirt with you, even if it was still part of his trolling attempt.

"Your... credit card details?" You ended up adding, your voice still showing the surprise and light meekness that came from him catching you off-guard.

"Oh, of course. Are you ready? It's a very complex number." He replied.

"Ready when you are." You added as you steeled yourself for another smartass response or run around from him.

"Here it is: 1234-5678-9987-6543." He replied, reciting the numbers 1-9 in order and then backward. "And the three digits on the back are: 210."

Oh, he was so fucking annoying! He didn't get to troll you, even if it was pretty amusing of him to do so, then flirt with you, then go back to trolling.

"Sir, if you're not interested in the cruise, just say so. There's no need for this mockery." You replied, your tone serious and professional though you were definitely seething on the inside.

Simon could tell. And he reveled in it. "Oh, but I am interested!" He replied with a smirk behind his voice. "In fact, I want to know more. Will my cabin in the cruise have an ocean view?"

Simon heard you inhale aggressively on the other side of the line, steeling yourself not to hang up on him, or down right berating him on the phone. "Yes, Ai, of course!" He heard your fake cheeriness through your clenched teeth. "It'll be a luxury cabin, actually. Isn't that great?"

"No, it's not that great, actually. I get very seasick, you see?" Simon murmured. "Not to mention, ever since my pet goldfish died, I've just never been able to look at the ocean the same..." He added in a forced pitiful tone.

You went quiet again on the other side and Simon knew he had finally worn you out. He waited to hear the clicking sound of the call falling, but, instead, he just heard you let out a sigh.

"You're very frustrating." You murmured.

"Oh, my, is this how you speak to all your prize winners?" Simon gasped dramatically.

"Shut up... You didn't have to be a smartass, you know?!" You scolded him, as if you had any ground to stand on.

"No, I fear I did, sweet'art." Simon replied as he leaned casually against the kitchen counter. "You called me, interrupted my day, and wasted my time with a scam, of all things. I have every right to be a smartass and have some fun with it." He added, a smug tone obvious in the dulcets of his deep voice.

"Okay? You could've just hung up on me?" You were truly grasping at straws to justify your behaviour. It was comical.

Simon laughed dryly. "And waste an opportunity to annoy a parasitic leech like you?" He quipped.

That stunned you into silence for a moment and you couldn't help but pout a bit.

"Not to mention, what you're doing is illegal, you know that righ'? And I'm military, I could get you arrested for this." He added.

"For that, you'd need to know where I am." You retorted, maybe a bit bratilly. "Besides, I knew you were a soldier."

"And how did you know that?"

"You used the NATO phonetic alphabet while spelling 'your' name'." You replied directly. "Nobody spells 'Aiden' as 'Alpha-India-Delta-Echo-November'."

"So you knew I was military and you still went ahead with your little scam attempt? You're not that bright, are you?" He defied you, which earned him a scoff from your end.

"No, I already knew you were trolling me."

"Oh, so you just wanted to waste my time?"

"That's exactly it, Aiden."

"Sounds to me like you're just looking for trouble, da'lin'." He quipped, his voice having lowered to a gruffer tone.

Rolling your eyes, you scoffed. "Am not. I'm just enjoying myself. You're not the only one that can make jokes at people's expenses."

"No, you really are..." He tutted his tongue and shook his head. "Need I remind you you were trying to scam me, and other people?" He added in a tone that sent a shiver down your spine.

"I know what I was doing."

"Yeah? And are you proud of that? Proud of being a conniving little cunt who tries to take people's hard-earned money?" He taunted you.

You didn't reply. Of course you weren't proud. You still had a conscience! But you wouldn't tell him that. He wouldn't get the satisfaction of hearing you apologise.

"I see. You don't like what I'm saying, so you give me the silent treatment, is that it, sweet'art?" He teased. You could hear the smirk behind his words.

"I wonder if you'd still act like this if you had to face me and had to answer for yourself."

Closing your fists tight, you steel yourself again to gain some edge and reply to him. "I guess you're going to keep wondering then. Because it's not happening."

"You know, it's a shame your little computer spat out my phone number for you to call..." He trailed off.

"And why's that?"

"Because instead of anyone else, you got me... And that's just... really bad luck for you. Any other service member, you would've been fine..." He trailed off.

"What, are you some sort of General-Major-Chief thing, super high up the ladder?" You taunted.

Simon simply chuckled dryly on the other side of the line. "No. But I'm definitely the worst person you could've tried to play with."

"Oh, big scary man, what are you gonna do? Gonna come teach me a lesson?" You added, taunting him some more, clearly feeling comfortable behind your laptop, with your smartphone, sitting at home, comfortable and warm, with your pet at your feet. "Oh, I'm so scared!" You added, feigning fear in a dramatic tone.

"Is that a challenge I'm hearing, sweet'art? Inviting me to come pay you a visit?" Simon asked you, his brow cocking, despite the fact you couldn't see it.

You don't know what it was about the way he spoke. The way he said that. The way his voice sounded.

It sent a shiver down your spine, a cold sweat, like he was, for the first time, not joking around anymore.

"No...?" You murmured in reply, feeling your shoulders tensing in an unpleasant way.

"Yeah... That's an invite I'm hearing..." He disregarded what you said and chuckled. "Maybe I'll come pay you a visit then, hey? How does that sound, little leech?"

[orngbanana]

Omg heyyy I just found your page and I NEED Dion relationship hcs

i miss my wife op. i miss him a lot. here's hcs for u

Dion Agriche relationship HCS author's note: i thought about poking him with a stick the whole time while making this

• imma be real with you dion's as dense as a rock when it comes to being flirted with, griselda herself said he didn't process shit whenever pandora tried to, she also said someone like him isn't suited to be in a relationship but we’ll ignore that for the bit–

• might go on a rant here but I feel like to be in a relationship w him you either have to be as freaky and damaged as him or just develop to be more dominant cause this man is someone who would rather follow you than lead you if you managed to tame his ass

• he doesn't get bitches. you could think that he's hot as hell but everything else about him cancels it out cause his personality scares nearly everyone who meets him, he's a pathetic little fuck and he’ll need someone as equally pathetic as him for his love life to be even a smidge stable

• PDA is not something he's into, maybe a hand on his or your waist but everything else is a no-no, in private tho he's content with a hand on his cheek or being curled up together in bed

• he doesn’t get enough sleep unless he's unconscious or on horse tranquilizers so instead of that he'll just watch you sleep, it gives him some inner peace and that counts as a kind of rest

• if you go on one of those rare trips of yours it'll be by the sea, you notice the sound of the waves puts him in a trance of some sort so the two of you will simply sit near the shore and quietly enjoy the environment

• you play with his hair sometimes, you'll jokingly tell him to grow it out further so you can braid it, and in response he'll give you the flattest look in existence

• he dissociates often so you make sure to touch him a lot to keep his head out of whatever fog he's experiencing

• when it comes to comforting you he's absolutely ass at it but he will at least make an effort--he won't say anything but he'll sit next to you and stare at you until you tell him what's wrong and that counts for something ig

• you like it when he's naked; NOT in a weird way, you simply like to busy yourself by noting down some small details about his body; moles here, scars there, the paleness of his skin and the veins you can clearly see beneath it, how long his fingers are or how much softer his face is compared to his father’s

• he's surprisingly sensitive to sunlight; comes with having red eyes, after all; you try to hold back your snorts whenever you see him squinting after light hits his face

• apologies after arguments are not his thing, maybe cause he was raised by a self-centered dipshit sociopath with no regard for others’ feelings but you guys can work on that, probably

•he will cling to you like a puppy if he's in one of his more somber moods, doing things like laying his head on your lap and letting you fiddle with his hair until he gets drowsy

• you both like it when you smell of e/o, washing together and using the same products helps with that lots

• the two of you are not guaranteed to have kids; emotional problems y’know?

• does not let you near his mother, maria lets herself near you though, she loves giving you random gifts and complaining about her son if she remembers he exists; whether you tolerate her or not is up to you

• he notes down random things that remind him of you so he can look or think about them to calm down when he’s feeling destructive

• ooc but if it's winter you're throwing his ass into the snow no questions asked, you maybe regret it when he starts to ominously roll a giant snowball while staring at you without blinking

i wanna braid his hair and put him in pretty clothes...

[anarchyincarnate]

#Isekaid!SAGAU!SMUT

A/N: I'm horny again fucking hell-

Dirty desires II

C//w: Ooc Zhongli [probably], Belly bulge, Dacrophilia, overstimulation, Praise kink, Jealous Zhongli, Yan! behaviour

Pairing; Zhongli X Amab!reader [they/them]

After two hours were up, Creator placed Childe on their sofa, admiring the glistening sweat covering his naked and red body. His tip still leaking cum from the stimulation, with his expression being that of pure filth.

Creator placed their hand onto his cheek, smearing the drool that pooled on their hand all over it. They got dressed once more, wearing a white dress shirt and black trousers. Returning from the bathroom, they brought a towel and some water. They sat down onto the sofa, and began to clean the mess left by Childe.

Placing the now cum and sweat stained towel into the washing basket, they grazed their hand on Childe's head, combing the damp hair. They were thankful that Childe didn't make a huge mess on the wooden floor.

They got up from their position, and head out of the office, not before placing some new clothes on their table for Childe to wear.

Creator took long strides across the corridors, admiring the carved stone and painting present there. It was quiet in the estate, having only requested Zhongli to stay there for emergency situations. They chuckled, remembering the timid and frankly cold Diluc once becoming putty in their arms, oh how they cherished how red he was, his moans were delectable, and... Now they're horny again. Creator sighed when they feel their cock hardened itself from its cage.

Well, there is only one person who can help, he'll do for now.

Taking a detour, Creator made their way towards Zhongli's room. This wasn't the first time they came to him for 'relief'. They couldn't count how many times they've split his hole open, having him essentially cockwarm them while they did their paperwork.

Reaching the golden framed door, They heard muffled sounds coming from behind the door. They pressed their ear towards the door, and they could make out the sound of squelching, and small moans.

They knocked on the door.

From the other side, Zhongli felt terrified when he heard the knocks. His finger was deep inside his ass, using his pre-cum as makeshift lube. He knows the only one other than him who could be up at this hour was creator. He mentally scold them for being up in their office, but nevertheless, he sighed.

"You can come in, C-Creator..." He heard the door opened. "Well, I didn't expect to see you so eager, tell me, did you get off to witnessing Childe having his desires fulfilled by me?" They chuckled, leaning themselves against the now closed door, crossing their arms across their chest. He could feel their eyes focusing on him.

"c'mon, continue.. act like I'm not even here." They said, smirking at the poor man. Zhongli's heart and mind were clouded by the memory of your smile that although devious, were quite genuine towards the ginger earlier.

He couldn't help but be jealous of the attention Childe got from them. Every time Creator needed relief, he took on the challenge. Yet, they never even once smirked nor frankly smiled when thrusting in him. It was always quiet when the two fucked. Then he thought of an idea, If he could act like Childe, Maybe he can be treated like him?

He pondered for a moment, before using his hands to hold his legs up, and spread his ass cheeks apart to given them a view of his twitching rim. They couldn't help but to smile at his desperation. They walked over towards him.

"I'm sorry for the lack of affection I gave you during our sessions, I was truly busy and my mind was all over the place..." They apologized, getting on the bed and placing their hands on either side of Zhongli's head.

Zhongli couldn't help but admire those [E/C] eyes that were looking at him softly. He used one of his hands to hold Creator's chin, pulling them into a kiss.

Creator unzipped their pants, revealing their large cock and slowly pushed it in. Zhongli's hands made its way towards their hair, tugging it.

His legs instantly wrapped itself around their waist, while his lips didn't leave theirs. Small tears well up in Zhongli's eyes, every time they fucked, he would always tear up because of the pain. Even with prep, he sometimes struggle to take them all in.

Creator began to move slowly, knowing well that he's still struggling. Zhongli pulled away, and took a deep breath.

"S-So good Creator! I love you so much, Faster!"

They picked up their pace. Seeing Zhongli going dumb from just this gave them a sick sense of joy.

"You're doing so well~ taking me so nicely. It's like you're made for me, right?"

"Yes-! I-Im your good boy, I c-can take more of you- please-! GYAAH~!" He moaned out, the grip on their hair grew tighter. They cooed at him, "Such a good boy~ I love you so much," He froze.

'They love me? They Love me?! They love me, they love me, they love me, they-'

"I-IM-- C-CUMMING-!"

Zhongli came all over their chest, with creator following suit. But, instead of stopping, they gradually moved their hips again.

"W-Wait! I'm still- Sensitive~!"

"Aww, but I wanted to make up for the times I didn't give you enough~ you can take more, right?"

"Y-Yes! I can, I can, I-" He heard them chuckle.

"Well then, let's have another round, ok?"

[kikyan]

You’re my favorite Human (Yandere Izaya x F! Reader x Yandere Shizuo)

Before ANY of yall say anything, I wrote this as a birthday special to an online friend I once had. If Izaya and literally anybody else sounds OOC, it’s because this was written back in 2018/2019 after I watched Durarara!! For a bit of background info, I first watched Durarara!! back in middle school when a friend admitted to liking the anime and well I decided to watch too. This show was too complex for my small ass mind so I dropped it. Then I met my online friend (we are no longer friends) who would always comment on Quotev where I was most active at the time. Well, I literally only picked up this anime again for said friend and the birthday request. I wrote this immediately right after the show so if it sucks ass, there is a reason for it. Anyway’s I promise to give them justice if I manage to write my spooky Slasher AU’s for them. Also if you somehow end up managing which ‘slasher’ Shizuo and Izaya fit I’ll write you a special one-shot within my guidelines for your birthday/Christmas depending on the time constraint. Here you go, for the curious peeps!  This story branches off to two endings, Izaya ending w/ Smut and a Shizuo ending because I became a hardcore simp over that man and will literally do anything he tells me to. Regardless, I will edit the links and such for their appropriate endings! This story is also unedited so. . .have fun IG 

ALSO THE READER IS A FEMALE BECAUSE THIS WAS A BIRTHDAY REQUEST THAT A CERTAIN SOMEONE DIDN’T LIKE SO YEAH FUCK THEM, BUT THEY WERE FEMALE AND WANTED THAT SO JUST REPLACE SHE/HER WITH THE PRONOUNS YOU FEEL MOST COMFORABLE WITH!!!!! I ALSO DIDN’T KNOW HOW TO WRITE BACK THEN SO YOU’RE A GENERIC MC WITH A STUTTER PROBABLY 

God I sucked at writing fics so much back then. . .

"IZAYA!!" 

The blonde man proceeded to pick up the red vending machine stationed outside a random building, preparing to lance it at the black-haired male he called Izaya. 

"S-Shizuo!! It's not worth it!! Calm down!! Um- I know! I'll make some tea for you to calm down just please drop the vending machine!!"

"NO, I CAN'T! AFTER SEEING THIS PIECE OF SHIT I'M ALREADY FUMING WITH RAGE!" 

"Shizuo!! Please!! Milk! Yep, milk will surely calm you down just please Shizuo!! You're attracting too much attention and you don't like violence right!!" 

“Throw it Shizu-Chan. Or are you too weak to hold it anymore.”

"IZAYA!!!" 

Shizuo turned away from the (h/c) individual as he began to grip a stop sign before removing it from the ground and began to run towards Izaya. 

" Shizuo stop!! Geez, Izaya please refrain from edging him on! Shizuo don't give in! You're better, in fact, you want to be better!! You want to be stronger to have more control right!! Well. . . Don't give in!!" 

At the sound of this Shizuo stopped before tossing the stop sign to the side and grabbing the (h/c) haired individual and dragging you off with him. 

Looking back, the person Shizuo was dragging turned around to look back at Izaya before stopping in their tracks and bowing apologetically. 

" I'm sorry Izaya for the commotion we caused, but I hope you understand that Shizuo is a bit difficult but I'm sure he can change! You too izaya, you seem to try to edge him on and that reflects poorly on you! So please Izaya, I hope you understand too!" 

" Oi (Y/N), what are you apologizing for?" 

Smiling softly at Izaya and giving him a shy wave (Y/N) turned to face Shizuo and continued to answer his question.

"Well, I mean I didn't stop him from edging you on!" 

" I swear you really are the most optimistic, apologetic, and kindest person on this planet. You are one of a kind." 

Laughing softly (Y/N)  turned to Shizuo as they began to reply, " Thank you! It means a lot to me Shizuo!" 

Walking alongside Shizuo, (Y/N) proceeded to make small talk unaware of the lingering dark eyes upon her figure.

~~ 

"(Y/N), I swear I can't figure you out. No matter what you do or what happens you always apologize to everyone. Even that damn Izaya!" 

"Well, Shizuo I like to be positive!! Besides, I'm sure second chances must be given!!" 

" Hmph. Even those who commit the worst of crimes?" 

"Well, I'm not the one entitled to forgive them for crimes committed against another, but I believe if someone truly wanted to, someone could change." 

"Oh?" 

" For example, you! I mean you've gotten several chances, haven't you? You have a stable job, although you can get quite violent, you have friends, and you are trying your hardest to change! So, I feel like anyone could change!!" 

"Hmph. You forgot something. . ." 

" I did?" 

" Yeah, I also have the best person next to my side, you, (Y/N) (L/N)." 

" I-I-I-I u-um S-sh!?" 

" Heh, you get flustered all of a sudden and it suits your personality. I wonder how I got stuck with someone like you (Y/N). . ."

~~

Bodies were lying around Shizuo in the school field as he huffed in rage and looked to the side to see a (h/c) haired female with (e/c) eyes looking wide at the scene that laid before them. 

" Hmph, what are you scared?" 

Shizuo asked as he looked at the female before looking a bit confused as he noticed the expression on the girl changed. She was smiling and shook her head before answering his question. 

" Nope! I mean what you did isn't good but I'm sure you have a reason! Besides, I feel like deep down you regret it. I mean, although you are pretty violent, you probably don't want to be right?" 

"I... .hmph. Stop being odd and spouting nonsense." 

As the female turned to the bodies she bowed apologetically and began to speak. 

"I'm sorry! I apologize for his behavior! He doesn't mean it! He regrets it! Besides, you guys should know that violence isn't acceptable so please apologize for your actions as well! Fighting isn't acceptable!!" 

"HUH? WHAT THE HELL? WHO THE HELL YOU APOLOGIZING TO?" 

" W-w-well I am apologizing to them and you!! I mean you didn't mean too!! Besides, fighting is wrong! Both parties were at fault so I must apologize for it!" 

" WHY THE HELL DO YOU WANT TO APOLOGIZE? YOU DIDN'T DO ANYTHING!"

"W-w-well!! They are knocked out and can't speak, plus you won't apologize, you want to but you can't bring yourself to!!"

" OKAY BUT WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?" 

"I-I’M SORRY!! I DIDN'T MEAN TO BOTHER YOU BUT I THOUGHT THAT WELL I-?!" 

"NOW WHY ARE YOU APOLOGIZING?!" 

 "I'M SORRY! I DIDN'T MEAN TO-!?"

"STOP APOLOGIZING!" 

"I'M SORRY! AHHH I KEEP DOING IT!" 

"YEAH. NOW STOP!" 

"I'M SORRY I'LL TRY! WAIT-" 

"OH JUST SHUT UP!" 

"I'M SOR-!?" 

"STOP APOLOGIZING! GOD DAMN IT!" 

"I CAN'T IT'S A HABIT!" 

"Geez, troublesome woman." 

" Ahhh!! What time is it?!" 

"Why the hell are you asking me?" 

"Crap I think I missed my train! Now I have to walk home! Wait, that's fine! I missed gym class to help the teachers so this will count for my exercise! Of course, I shouldn't feel down!" 

" You're unusually optimistic. I'd be pissed as all hell if that happened." 

"Well I think everything happens for a reason and besides, you need to see the bright side of everything! Anyway, I need to go! I have to walk for about maybe 2 hours till I arrive home and I do have homework to complete! I'm sorry for being a bother but I hope to see you tomorrow at school!" 

"Wait." 

 "Yeah?" 

"Let me, let me walk you home alright." 

"B-b-but!?" 

"LISTEN IT'S MY FAULT YOU MISSED THE TRAIN SO LET ME WALK YOU HOME DAMN IT!" 

"Ahh okay okay! I'm sorry for bothering you but thank you!!" 

"Yeah, yeah just stop apologizing and don't start again." 

"Alright! By the way, what's your name?"

" Shizuo Heiwajima. Yours?" 

" (Y/N) (L/N)!" 

As they began to walk side by side (Y/N) began to laugh as she asked Shizuo questions upon question leading to Shizuo answering them and laughing as he realized, maybe having someone not fear him, was a good feeling. 

"Hey, Shizuo?" 

"Yeah? What is it?" 

" Wanna go for Russian sushi?" 

Looking down at the girl Shizuo gave his usual smirk before responding happily. 

" Sure, why not?" 

~~

"Hey, Shizuo?" 

" Yeah?" 

Turning around he met with the female who became his best friend and possibly his crush. Smiling softly he turned to give her all of his attention despite the number of bodies surrounding him in the field of his high school. 

"Well, I was wondering if you wanted to um, well. . ." 

"SHIZUO! I have someone I would like to introduce you too!~" 

" Huh?" 

Shizuo replied in his usual tone as to be turned to meet the faces of the young boy with glasses, brown hair and grey eyes whom he quickly recognized as his friend Shinra Kishitani but the other boy, had dark hair and matching eyes he did not. 

"What do you want Shinra?" 

"Oh? Am I interrupting you and your girlfriend~" 

"Girlfriend?! I-I-I’m j-just a friend!?" 

Shizuo looked to the side but quickly locked eyes with the boy. Shinra looking at Shizuo quickly turned to introduce the other boy. 

"His name is Izaya Orihara! He is in the same year and class as us!" 

Upon looking at Izaya, Shizuo quickly launched an attack towards him before Izaya leaped out and grabbed his knife before slicing Shizuo across the abdomen. Shizuo looked down noticing the wound before looking back at Izaya. 

"S-s-shizuo?! Are you okay? Oh, I'm so sorry this happened!!" 

"(Y/N) it's fine and stop apologizing! You didn't do anything wrong! Besides, it was him, Izaya. . ." 

"Oh? Come on Shizu-chan I haven't even done anything. . ." 

"I'm sorry!! I apologize that Shizuo charged at you and hurt you! He tends to do that a lot, but I apologize on your behalf! Shizuo, I apologize that Izaya cut you! I'm sorry I couldn't stop him from cutting you and possibly distracted you. So please, violence is not the answer! Izaya and Shizuo I apologize and I hope you may make up and be best friends!!" 

"Eh?" 

"(Y/N) YOU DIDN'T DO ANYTHING WRONG! STOP APOLOGIZING FOR OUR MISTAKES!" 

"I'm sorry! Ah, wait u-u-um well I know you both didn't mean it!!" 

"Here we go again. . . (Y/N) STOP APOLOGIZING, ON TOP OF THAT TO THAT GUY!" 

Shizuo was pointing at Izaya with a hint of disgust written across his face as Izaya looked dumbfounded for a split moment before asking, "Wait? You serious?" 

"Huh?" 

"Did you just apologize for something you didn't do?" 

"I'm sorry! I didn't mean to bother you!" 

"I-, well it seems this took an interesting turn of events. Well, goodbye Shizu-chan, (Y/N) right?" 

"Y-yeah. . ." 

Shizuo stood in front holding his arm protectively (Y/N)  as Izaya twirled the pocket knife in his arms in a strange direction before smiling and whispering a small, “Interesting. . .” 

As Izaya turned to leave, Shizuo muttered a small “ That bastard makes me so damn mad” before turning to (Y/N) realizing she had something to say before you were both rudely interrupted by Shinra. 

“ Hey (Y/N) what did you want? You had something to say before that damn bastard arrived.” 

“ O-Oh I-I did. . . um, Shizuo I wanted to ask if you wanted to miss the last train again and... .walk me home, and get Russian sushi with me. . .” 

“ Is that your way of asking me out on a date?” 

Teasing (Y/N) slightly she turned red upon hearing that before nodding her head softly. With a sigh, Shizuo smiled and dragged the smaller female by her arm before muttering a “ finally you asked” causing the female to turn even redder at the comment. (Y/N) ran a little ahead and turned back to smile at Shizuo before whispering “ I love you Shizuo. . .” 

~~ 

Walking to the shared home that Shizuo and (Y/N) have, (Y/N) grabbed a small jug of milk before handing it to Shizuo scolding him for getting violent, but congratulating him on holding back and not letting Izaya get to him. 

“ I don’t know what I would do without you (Y/N), I mean it . . .” 

“ I’m just lucky this happened when we were walking together and not when you were working. Izaya can be a bit extreme but I’m sure he means well!!” 

“Heh, you always look on the bright side, don’t you?” 

“ Exactly!! Looking on the bright side is exactly what brought us together!! I mean after you dropped me off at my house we got to be great friends, that's also when you confided in me your secrets and feelings. Then you began to realize that I didn’t fear you and truly cared for you. Then we went on a date, and became a couple! Dating for a good 5, 6 years?” 

“ Yep, luckily we still love each other.” 

“ I won’t ever stop loving you Shizuo, because you accepted me for who I am. Now it’s time to let me accept you for who you are. . . I mean I already did but you can’t get it through that thick skull of yours can you?” 

“ What do you mean, I understand.” 

“ Yet, every time you encounter Izaya and I’m not around you come home quite sad and always ask me if I would ever leave you. Shizuo, I would never leave you.” 

“ Well yeah but. . .”

“ But?” 

“ You’re right. I should head to work. See you later (Y/N). Take care and don’t do anything strange.” 

“ I wouldn’t do anything you wouldn’t do.” 

“ That worries me.” 

“ I’m just going to talk to Celty or just hang around the park! See you later Shizuo!” 

“ Hmph. Later and don’t forget that I love you.” 

“ I should be saying that but of course! Love you too and later!” 

Shizuo smiled at the girl before heading off to visit Tom his friend and employer. They had another client that refused to pay up and Shizuo was going to “pay” him a visit to ensure he did. (Y/N) locked the door before going on her phone and texting Celty. 

‘ You busy Cel?’ 

‘ No, not really. Why do you ask?’ 

`` I just wanted to see if you wanted to hang out and chat.’ 

‘ Sure. I’ll pick you up and we can head off to the park. That fine?’ 

``you read my mind Cel. Alright, I’ll get ready.’  

(Y/N) changed into a new set of clothing before waiting on the couch for Celty to pick her up and head to the park. Celty and (Y/N) got along well as well, (Y/N) always saw the bright side. When she and celty were close enough, originally being introduced by Shinra, Celty confided in her about not having a head and (Y/N) offered some light on the subject. 

“ Well, head or no head  I think you’re perfect just the way you are. For example, you can still do pretty much everything right? Aside from taste but still Celty! I think that is what makes you unique I mean, if you think about it, only those people who truly love and care for you will accept you no matter what. Take a look at Shizuo, he believed everyone feared him, but I didn’t. I love him! Just like I love you Celty! I accept you for who you are and you will always be celty with or without your head! So cheer up, I don’t like seeing my friends sad!” 

With that, a new friendship was born leading (Y/N) to be best friends with the fearsome headless rider. 

< - - - - - - - - - - - - > 

KANRA HAS JOINED THE CHAT

Kanra: Hey guys! I have a question about a specific person. 

Setton: A person? Who? 

TarouTanaka: Agreed. It’s quite rare to see you not having information on anyone. 

Kanra: Precisely, which is why I must know. Do any of you know a (Y/N) (l/n)? 

Setton: (Y/N)? Not personally but I’ve heard rumors. . . 

Setton: There’s not much I know about her, but I’ve heard rumors of her being in the Dollars.

Setton: Besides that, I’ve also heard she’s Shizuo Heiwajima’s girlfriend and possibly future wife.

TarouTanaka: Shizuo Heiwajima? As in THE Shizuo Heiwajima? Do you know the violent one? 

Kanra: That’s so scary!! Who would put up with him? 

Kanra: *Gasps* you don’t think. . .

TarouTanaka: Think what? 

Kanra: You don’t think she’s using him do you? I mean, having a strong boyfriend has its perks right? 

Setton: She’s not that type of person.

Setton: From what I’ve heard, at least.

Kanra: Oh? You seem to get a bit defensive. Are you sure you don’t know her? 

Kanra: I mean, think about it. What is so special about Shizuo that would lead someone like her to love him? 

Kanra: Honestly, I think she could be using him after all I’m sure there are more people that someone like her could pick from. 

Setton: Well everything is just based on rumors, but I doubt she’s a bad type of person.

Setton: Love has always been a confusing matter. All that matters is that they like each other for who they are.

Setton: It’s not our place to make assumptions.

Kanra: Love is indeed confusing. 

TarouTanaka: I agree with Setton, I am sure they love each other for who they are. Is everything alright Kanra? 

Kanra: Yes, but it still stumps me on how little information we have of his girlfriend. Not only that but we have little information on the relationship as well. Has anyone seen her? Know what she looks like? 

Setton: I’ve only heard a vague description of her: (e/c) and (h/c). I could pass her on the street and not even know.

Setton: But I’m sure she’s just a private person. We should respect that and try not to dig into her life.

Kanra: Oh fair maiden will I ever see you?

TarouTanaka: You sure you aren’t trying to steal his girlfriend? 

Kanra: ^ 0 ^ Never! 

Setton: This has been an interesting discussion and all, but I’m needed elsewhere.

Setton: Later.

< - - - - - - - - - - - - - > 

SETTON HAS LEFT THE CHAT

Kanra: Well I better head out too, later Tarou! 

TarouTanaka: Later! 

< - - - - - - - - - - - - - >

KANRA HAS LEFT THE CHAT.

TAROUTANAKA HAS LEFT THE CHAT. 

THERE IS NO ONE IN THE CHAT. 

A figure began to ponder and look outside with a pair of binoculars as a female with (e/c) and (h/c) walked by. 

‘ Oh? I think I should properly introduce myself to the fair maiden’ 

~~ 

The young girl walked out of her house ready to speak with the dullahan. Upon seeing the headless rider the young girl waved her hand signaling the rider. 

“ Celty! Over here!” 

The rider began to make its way to the female before hugging and typing away on its phone. 

“Oh good, I was worried I arrived too early.”

“ Nah! Even if you did, you would have more time to look around and notice life at it’s finest!” 

“Oh Y/N, still as cheerful as ever, huh?”

“ Oh, you know it! Now let's head to the park! I want to see Ikebukuro at its prime time at night!” 

“Of course, but as we’re walking let me ask: How’s it going between you and Shizuo?”

“ Well. . . I-I-I I think it’s going great! He isn’t getting as rowdy and violent so I think he is changing a little bit! He ended getting me a gift, a necklace to be exact for our 5th anniversary! It says his name! He also has one, one with my name!”  

“I’m glad to hear you guys are going great. I’m sure that nothing could ever break your relationship, right?” 

“ Exactly! He and I have never had a serious argument! Maybe a little scolding but it’s fine like this! I always end up congratulating him in the end! He is the sweetest! Every time he comes home he asks me if I love him which makes me sad because I hope he knows I do! However. . . he always ends up spoiling me in love! The real question. . . is how is it with Shinra?” 

“Oh. . . Well, you know how he is. We’re as close as we can ever be, especially now that I’m more accustomed to the whole headless thing. That doesn’t mean I’m not looking, though.”

“ You will find it Celty! I know for a fact you will find it! I’ll help you when I have time! Hey look it’s the park let’s find a bench!” 

[park bench scene]

“You know, Y/N, I heard that you and Shizuo were considering getting married. Is it true?”

“ Well, I-!?” 

“ Well, Celty! I didn’t know you were here? (Y/N) too! What a surprise too! Do you mind if I sit with you guys?” 

“ Well, not really! Feel free to sit Izaya!” 

“ Interesting, now continue what were we talking about?” 

“ Well, Celty asked about my marriage to Shizuo!” 

“ So it’s true. . .” 

“ Yeah! Celty we are! Sometime next week we were going to look for dresses!” 

“That’s wonderful Y/N! If you need anything, I’m always available to help.”

“ Of course!” 

“ Same here.  . . a wedding between Shizu-chan and (Y/N) seems interesting. . .” 

“ So (Y/N), why are you with Shizu-chan? What’s the catch?” 

“ Pardon Izaya?” 

“ I mean, why would someone like YOU be with someone like HIM? What are the perks of having Shizu-chan as your boyfriend?” 

“ Perks?!” 

“I know that you and Shizuo have an on-going rivalry, but should you be asking Y/N questions like that?” 

“ I was just curious Celty! Besides, do you have the answer?” 

“ Well, there are no perks.” 

“ Huh?” 

“ I love Shizuo, not for his strength or perks. I love him because he was kind to me. He accepts my optimistic side, even though it can be quite annoying and I accept his violent tendencies! He is doing so much to change and I will support him from now on! When we met, he kinda beat the entire team on the field and I apologized for the both of him! He got confused and I apologized for my behavior and we kinda got into a mini battle of him asking me to stop apologizing and well my apologizing even more! Nonetheless, I missed the train, but it gave me a chance to talk to him and as you can tell he walked me home! Since then, a steady relationship! So it’s not about the benefits, it’s what we feel for each other that motivates us!” 

“ Interesting. . . “  

“ I agree Y/N, it’s about love, not benefits. Might want to save a speech that profounds for your wedding though.

“ You’re right! Oh, I’m sorry Izaya for ruining the surprise!” 

‘ Interesting. . . she isn’t like every other human, she doesn’t seem to lie, hide things, and seems to be honest. She seems to be optimistic. Hmph, interesting that she isn’t like all the other humans I love, she’s different and I can’t wait to see her face, her entire being change as I pull the strings from behind! (Y/N), you are quite interesting, you are like my special, no my favorite human and I need to see your reactions to everything... .’ 

“ (Y/N)?” 

“ Ah, Shizuo! O-over here!” 

“ Celty’s here too and-?!” 

Shizuo stared at the black-haired male with such anger raging within them as he let out a growl before examining the area. 

“ IZAYA! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE?!” 

“ It’s a park? Am I not allowed to visit one?” 

“ IT’S WHO YOU’RE WITH THAT MATTERS! (Y/N) DID HE TOUCH YOU OR HURT YOU IN ANY WAY?” 

“ N-no! Shizuo we were only just talking! Besides, Celty was here with us! It was all friendly talk!” 

“ Celty, take (Y/N) and go to Shinra’s place. I’ll meet you there once I finish killing this bastard!” 

Typing away Celty nodded showing her phone with the message being, ‘Of course. Be careful before doing anything crazy, but please hear Y/N out first. Learn a bit about the situation before jumping into anything dangerous.”

“ Oh my Shizu-chan!~ So you are dating her. Isn’t that interesting. . . I say though it’s shocking, to say the least, that someone like (Y/N) would fall in love with you. Someone as fragile, beautiful, delicate, and forgiving like (Y/N) with a violent man as yourself, well I’d be damned!” 

“ I’m sorry! Izaya, I apologize for Shizuo’s behavior as he ended up attacking you without hearing my part, which I still have yet to say! However, I apologize on your part as well Izaya as you didn’t mean anything by chatting with us, but you asked some not so nice things. On the bright side, you know the truth and know that Shizuo isn’t a bad person!” 

“ (Y/N) . . .?” 

“ Shizuo! Celty and I were chatting when Izaya approached us, we were just talking! He didn’t hurt me, besides Celty would have put him in his place before I would have! Please believe me, Celty tell him the truth as well!” 

“Of course, there was nothing suspicious going on. Just a regular conversation full of small talk. Nothing shady or malicious between us and Izaya.”

“ Tch. Fine, but still take her to Shinra. I don’t want this bastard to find out where we live. I still want to kill him. . .” 

“ S-Shizuo! It’s fine, we don’t need to go see Shinra!” 

“ Aww, Shizu-chan you’re scaring her!~ Besides, what if (Y/N) doesn’t want to leave? You’re her boyfriend but you aren’t her owner. Besides, why do you get to keep her all to yourself, as you know I love humans, I can’t get enough of them! But she, she is quite interesting, as all humans I love her as well but aren’t you pushing it Shizuo chan?” 

“ Keep that damn mouth of yours shut!” 

“ I wonder, how long will it take you to screw up your relationship with her like you always do. Have you even proposed to her yet? Being the violent person you are you probably used someone's body as a foot stand before asking her to be your wife!” 

“ NO! That’s wrong! He proposed at Russia Sushi! We went out to eat as it was also our first date! See, even Simon took the picture and hung it in the dining area! You can see Shizuo’s fist but that was because he was embarrassed Simon took a picture and well he snapped, see how red he is? I’m the one crying in the background while holding the ring! It’s even my lock and home screen!” 

“ YOU DON’T NEED TO GO THAT FAR! WAIT-HE HAS IT HANGED? I NEED TO KILL THIS MAN FIRST THAN YOU DAMN IZAYA!” 

“ NO NOT SIMON! WAIT SHIZUO!” 

Running after Shizuo, (Y/N)  turned around one last time before bowing apologetically and smiling at Izaya before running after her fiance. Celty typing away on her phone showing it to Izaya. 

“Be careful about what you say around Y/N. I know what you’re trying to do and I advise you against it. It won’t end well for either of you.”

“ Whatever do you mean Celty?” 

“I’ve seen the way you look at Y/N; the way you observe her with that calculated glee in your eye. Even if you do separate her from Shizuo, she wouldn’t be happy with someone considered a homewrecker. She’s too optimistic for her good, she’ll easily forgive you, but she would never be able to forgive herself for hurting Shizuo. If you truly value her like you say you do, don’t try to meddle in her personal affairs.” 

“ I want to see every possible reaction from her, so this is quite tempting. Besides, Celty why do you care much about her? I love humans and I’m not willing to share, (Y/N) is no exception.” 

“Y/N is the best person I know. She’s kind no matter what and brings hope and joy to all of those that she comes across. She deserves to live the best life she can, one filled with no despair or tragedy. You need to learn to respect that and move on.”

Celty, displaying her anger towards Izaya, revved her motorcycle upwards causing several people to look in worry and walk away to avoid getting hit. Izaya stood unamused with his smug grin as he watched Celty chase after the couple to take them to Shinra. 

“ Celty, it’s a shame. All humans will experience despair no matter what, even our darling (Y/N). It’s just how long will it take for her to fall into despair that’s the real game and who the one pulling the strings will be.” 

Izaya began to walk away only to stop at Russia sushi and was quite intrigued by the photo that was taken. As he began to examine the image he saw (Y/N) smiling with tears rolling down her eyes as she turned to the camera holding the ring Shizuo had given her. On top of that, he saw Shizuo, quite red ready to punch Simon for taking the picture. 

“ Well well, seems she was telling the truth. I guess he didn’t screw it up.” 

“ Izaya, I heard about what happened.” 

As Izaya turned he was met with Simon the dark-skinned Russian who began to speak in his native tongue signaling that this was a private conversation. 

“ Simon, how’s it been?” 

“ Don’t ruin it.” 

“ Ruin what Simon?” 

“ Shizuo and (Y/N) found happiness here so don’t ruin it.” 

“ Oh? What makes you say that?” 

“ (Y/N) is special, the unpredictable happens around her but that doesn’t mean you should ruin what they have for the sake of your entertainment.” 

“ Special huh?” 

“ You like her don’t you? Leave her with Shizuo, she is not meant for you.” 

“ You see Simon, you’re right she is special but she isn’t Shizuo’s. I believe her to be one of the few people who aren’t on this playing field. She, like all humans, belongs to me. I won’t let Shizu-chan, Celty, or even that damn Saika blade have her.” 

“ Izaya, I know you don’t like losing to Shizuo but that does not mean you have to ruin this relationship. For once, let it go.” 

“ It’s Shizuo who needs to let her go.” 

With that Izaya left the place before walking away thinking about the girl. Since he met her years ago he realized how forgiving and optimistic she truly was. It shocked him, every human he met would be the same and oh so predictable. Shizu-chan and Simon would be the unpredictable ones spicing up his entertainment but (Y/N)? She was the most unpredictable one of them all. She took both sides of an argument and attempted to find a solution and she would keep Shizuo in check something that no one could do. On top of that, (Y/N) forgave anyone and you could never guess what she would say next, but her actions were always surprising. As he entered his workplace he was met with Namie Yagiri who looked at him in disbelief. 

“ It’s late where have you been?” 

“ Ah, Namie I was out with Celty and (Y/N) (L/N).” 

“ (Y/N) (L/N)?” 

“ Shizuo Heiwajima’s girlfriend, well fiance but not for long.” 

“ What do you mean, not for long?” 

“ Well you see, I intend to steal her away.” 

“ You never seem to bother with people’s love lives anyways. Why now?” 

“ (Y/N) (L/N) is a fascinating human! Here on this board, Shizu-Chan is the king and (Y/N (L/N) would be his queen, but the queen is one of the few people with free-range movement, in other words, the most powerful piece, nonetheless all are useful but the queen is the one who defends her king. If the queen is removed you’re pretty much set to fail and the king is left weak and ready to be dethroned. So, Shizu-chan is only strong with his queen, but this fascinating human being should be next to me, her God!” 

“ So you want to use her-!?” 

“ No! You’re not getting the picture! I am going to take the queen and leave her next to her god’s side! ME! With Shizu-chan weak I’ll simply kill him and fully take (Y/N) (L/N) as mine!” 

“ I thought Shizuo provided you with the most entertainment. . .” 

“ (Y/N) makes up for both of them, I don’t need Shizuo when I have his queen. . .” 

~~ 

“ Shizuo! Wait!” 

Shizuo was walking faster while dragging (Y/N) behind him as they proceeded to go to their house after staying at Shinra’s. 

“ What for?” 

“ I’m sorry for embarrassing you in front of Izaya. . .” 

“ I’m fine, as long as it was you I didn’t mind.” 

“ You sure?” 

“ Of course, now let’s go home. I’m tired.” 

‘“O-Okay!” 

As they entered the home in which they both own Shizuo immediately grabbed (Y/N) as he held her close before asking her yet again, “ Do you love me?” 

“ Of course silly! I wouldn’t marry someone I don’t love! I love you to the moon and back Shizuo and I wouldn’t change that for the world! No one and nothing would ever split us apart Shizuo! You accepted me for who I am, now it’s time you realize that I accept you for you!” 

Cuddling closer with the (h/c) hair colored female he blurted out something that made her turn red upon hearing it. 

“ I want a baby.” 

“ A WHAT?!” 

“ A baby. I hope to be able to be a father once we wed.” 

“ W-w-w-w-what g-g-g-gave you that idea?!” 

“ We are both at a young age, once we marry I feel like we should have a child. I won’t rush or force you but I think we would be great parents.” 

“I...OKAY! Of course! After we marry, we can have as many children as we can!” 

“ W-Wait you serious?!” 

“ Of course Shizuo, because I love you to bits! Just like I will love this child, I'll make sure you both know how special you are to me!” 

“ I do wonder how I found someone like you (Y/N). . . I love you!” 

“ I love you too Shizuo!” 

As they both fell asleep in a lovers embrace Shizuo was reminded of how much (Y/N) loves him and was also reminded that she will never leave him. Izaya was wrong, (Y/N) loves him for himself and as Shizuo sighed in relief as he cuddled closer to the female, not being feared, but being loved was a great feeling, the best in the world. 

~~ 

“ Now. . . what should I make for dinner? I should make Shizuo’s favorite meal, but that means that I need to go shopping. Oh well.” 

(Y/N) pulled out her phone before sending Shizuo a quick text saying how she would be stepping out and would be home soon. After getting an, ‘alright. Be safe.’ text she immediately set out to the store. As (Y/N) was searching through the ingredients she came across a hand reaching for the same one, the last one. 

“ Oh, I’m sorry! You can take it!” 

“ No, no that fine! By all means, take it.” 

“ Izaya... .?’ 

“ Ah! (Y/N)! Isn’t that wonderful? I wanted to speak to you!” 

“ Same! Just let me finish shopping and I’ll go with you!” 

“ Here! I’ll help, by the way! Feel free to take it, I don’t need that ingredient as much as you do.” 

“ Thanks! Are you sure you don’t want it though, I’m making a meal for Shizuo but I can always go to other stores! If you want it you should take it! On the bright side, I can get my daily walk in by going to other stores and I might be able to browse through other items I may need!” 

“ Oh? A meal for Shizu-chan? Then, by all means, take it. I wouldn’t want to make him upset.” 

“ Thank you Izaya! You really care for him!” 

“ Well, I wouldn’t say that. .  . “

“ Well, we should get going! I think I got everything I needed!” 

Walking to the park in silence was a little awkward until (Y/N) lit up at the sight of ice cream. 

“ Hey Izaya, look it’s an ice cream truck! Do you want some? My treat!” 

“ Actually, it will be mine! Which one do you want (Y/N)?” 

“ (F/F) please!” 

“ Of course!” 

Upon getting the ice cream ( Y/N) desired and Izaya getting one for himself they decided to sit on a bench and she continued speaking with Izaya. 

“ Izaya, I have a question.” 

“What is it (Y/N)?” 

“ Well, why do you like edging Shizuo on? You know he is trying his hardest to change, wait, is it to push him? To see how much he needs to improve left?” 

“ You really are optimistic aren’t you? Not exactly, you see Shizuo tends to act differently from the rest. . . he truly is unpredictable so I just want to see every possible reaction from him. Just like you?” 

“ Me? I hardly think I'm unpredictable, I feel like you could read me easily.” 

“ You can’t and that’s the best part. I truly love all humans (Y/N), they are just so interesting! In the end, they all act the same yet it’s so exciting!” 

“ Interesting. You like the unpredictable more though right! I do too! It’s like a book, if you can predict the way it ends then it isn’t all the fun. However, if the book ends with a plot twist and catches you by surprise then it is fun! Every new day, every new day is something different for me! I feel like, when you look at a new angle you end up seeing things you’ve never seen. This could easily impact what you think or what you do! That’s what I try to do to make my day more interesting!” 

Izaya looking at her with insanity swirling his eyes grabbed her hands causing her ice cream to fall before laughing. 

“ You understand me! You see what I see! You truly do deserve to be next to your god's side! Tell me (Y/N), you’re very forgiving, aren’t you! Every god needs to judge and punish the sinners, BUT THEY ALSO NEED TO FORGIVE! THAT MY GODDESS IS WHERE YOU COME IN! WITH YOU BY MY SIDE, WE COULD TRULY RULE OVER THESE HUMANS! JUST AS I LOVE HUMANS, THEY SHOULD LOVE ME TOO! THAT INCLUDES YOU (Y/N), DO YOU LOVE ME?” 

“ I-?!” 

“ That’s enough!” 

Turning to Celty who began to write furiously fast on her phone shoved it in front of Izaya as he skimmed the words that were written. 

‘Shizuo is on his way, leave if you don’t want your ass kicked. I told you to leave (Y/N) alone! For once, listen to me!’ 

Celty grabbed (Y/N) and led her to the motorcycle before writing on it explaining that Shizuo was around the area and was planning on picking (Y/N) up from the store. Celty mentioned that she too was around the area and that she was asked by Shizuo to help him look for her as well. Nodding, (Y/N) turned around to meet Izaya smirking, despite all she smiled at him and bowed before apologizing. 

“ I’m sorry Izaya! I hope to talk to you soon and I apologize our time was cut short. I’m happy that you told me a little about yourself Izaya as I told you I like to see both perspectives before saying or doing anything. On the bright side, although our time was cut short I realized that you trust me a little and bothered to open up a bit! So I'm glad!” 

Indeed Izaya found his Goddess, she forgave all and will forgive all. Smiling a bit he turned and wished her good-bye before plotting a plan to take her from Shizuo forever and make sure his goddess was with him all the time. Besides, even if he committed a crime, his goddess, (Y/N) (L/N) would forgive him. 

(Y/N) was riding with Celty until they found Shizuo in which he expressed his concern for the female. He examined the ingredients and smiled realizing what she was planning on doing before ruffling her hair. 

 “ I still have a little bit of work left but I'll make it home in time for dinner.” 

“ Of course! I’ll get started on dinner right away!” 

“ Alright. See you then, oh (Y/N).” 

“ Yeah?” 

“ I love you.” 

“ I love you too!” 

~~ 

Getting out of the shower, (Y/N) proceeded to dry her hair with a small towel wearing (F/C) shorts and an extremely overgrown shirt, more importantly, it was Shizuo’s bartender shirt that he allowed her to wear. It fit more like a dress but no one was complaining. 

“ I better get started on dinner, Shizuo is going to arrive any minute!” 

Proceeding to get the ingredients (Y/N) was washing the vegetables when she heard a click signaling the door was open. 

“ Shizuo I’m not done with the meal-... Shizuo... .?” 

Examining the living room she noticed that the door was opened but no one was in the room with her, that was until she heard a familiar voice from her right ear. 

“ Good evening, My goddess. . .” 

“Iza-!?” 

With that Izaya knocked out (Y/N) cradling her in his arms before making his way to him home with the young girl, his Goddess.  

~ 

“ Wake up sleeping beauty~” 

Izaya was poking her cheek repeatedly hoping for the young girl to awaken sometime soon and luckily she did. 

“ Izaya, w-where a-am I?” 

“ Why you’re in our home my goddess~” 

“O-our? Goddess? Izaya what’s going on?” 

“ You will be living with me from now on~ You see I explained it to you, I love humans my dear (Y/N), you are no exception. However, unlike all the other humans you have an interesting personality and you are quite unpredictable making each new day exciting and something to look forward to! Someone like you should be by my side ruling alongside next to me! Just as I adore humans, they should adore us, as they should!” 

“ I-Izaya I’m sorry but it’s late and I need to get to Shizuo before it gets too late-!?” 

“ You aren’t getting it! You aren’t going back to Shizuo! You belong to me! Besides, Shizuo is weak right now! I could easily get rid of him!” 

“ He isn’t! Shizuo is quite strong! I know for a fact that he can overcome anything! Now, please let me go before I-!?” 

“ You aren’t seeing the big picture (Y/N) and it saddens me. You see the queen is the strongest piece in chess. Shizu-chan is the king and you by right, are his queen. If we take the queen away, the king is set up to fail. Haven’t you realized, everyday Shizu-chan asks you if you love him and to never leave him? Coincidence I know? I always make him doubt of this reality because without you Shizu-chan would be a violent monster! Think about it, you’re the only thing that can hold him back but you aren’t by his side! Shizu-chan does not want to be feared but he thinks it’s a fantasy, someone like you being in his life that he just needs to confirm if you love him too!” 

(Y/N) gasped when she came to notice her fiance's true feelings. Feeling down, (Y/N) looked to the side to examine the board Izaya kept close to see if she could find a pattern or attempt to figure Izaya out to create a plan.   

“ In fact! I think he is worried sick trying to find you, but he won’t! Even if he does, he doesn’t have the right to take my Goddess away!” 

In the meantime, Shizuo was frantically searching for where (Y/N) could be. When he arrived home he came to see the door open and no sign of (Y/N) causing his anxiety to spike up at the thought of losing you forever. Having enough he texted Celty and even the dollars home page alerting all members to keep an eye out on a female with (H/C) and (E/C) as she could be in danger. 

“ Celty! Have you found her yet?” 

“ No.... but I think I know where she is. I hope she isn’t though. . . “ 

“ Spit it out! WHERE THE HELL IS SHE?!” 

Shizuo was running out of breath as he looked at Celty with desperation as he saw her type away with incredible speed, but the answer both shook him and angered him to the point of no return. 

“ I think she is with Izaya. If so, we must hurry!” 

“ Of course! Leave this to me. . . I think it’s time that bastard met with his fate.” 

Shizuo walked away with anger as he began to prepare his fist to execute the man who stole his fiance.

IZAYA ENDING w/SMUT

SHIZUO ENDING

[bnhatrashsammy]

Happily Ever After

Warnings: Light angst, so much fluff you'll melt, past cheating though not really mentioned.

Word Count: 2,900+

Pairing: Eijiro Kirishima x Reader

A/N: I have finally gotten around to finishing the second part to my Lil series here. I truly hope you enjoyed and I know the end was a bit rushed but I still love it :))

Feel free to click the link and catch up on the first one. Can be read alone technically but there might be some minor confusion.

Enjoy!

It’s funny.

Well, not really, but it causes a morbid laugh to leave your throat.

Things are so utterly fucked up, you don’t know what to do.

What does someone do when their entire life plan is ripped out from under them? All their dreams, goals, hopes and wishes are just torn to shred.

But..

It does get better.

The first week is probably the easiest honestly. It hasn’t set in for you yet. Your mind automatically assumes his absence is due to work or training, before it hits that no, he’s gone. You have to keep reminding yourself he’s not worth it anymore. Maybe he never truly was.

Of course he doesn’t stop calling and texting, but you finally worked up to blocking the number. Fuck him. He had his chance, and he fucked it up. Not you. He could have had the best partner in the world before he chose someone over you, and that's his regret to bear. Not yours. No matter how wrong it feels.

It doesn’t take you long to find an apartment of your own. Considering you had been looking at places with Kats-

Bakugou.

Since you were looking for places, it was easy enough to find one to suit you for the time being. Until you figure out what you’re going to do again.

You completely ignore the ‘Baku Squad’, which considering everyone is an adult now, it’s easier to make excuses as to why you’re not showing up to this or that. You’re busy, focused on work, or got hurt from a fight. Excuses are easy.

The truth? Fucking painful.

Kirishima, bless that chaotic dumbass, was the one to reach out to you. He knows you work the third shift, staying in and sleeping all day to be able to stay up through the night. It’s easier for you that way.

You haven’t told him the gritty details, he’s his best friend after all, he’ll know by now. However as a coworker, he knows the basics. He knows where your new place is in case there is ever an emergency, he knows you are newly single. That’s it.

Just because he has this information however, doesn’t mean you were expecting a very tired and grumpy Kiri to knock on your door at 1AM.

You open the door with a confused smile, because who the fuck shows up to your place at fucking 1AM???

“Kiri? Everything okay?” You say once you see him there. He must have just gotten off from work, considering he just has a t-shirt thrown over his hero costume, and his work bag thrown over his shoulder.

“You! Are! So! Rude!” Kiri exclaims, crossing his arms as he just let's himself into your apartment.

“What? Hey- what the hell are you doing?”

Of course he just plops his sweaty ass down on your n e w couch with no care in the world.

“I should be asking you that! I thought we were friends, why didn’t you talk to me?” The seriousness on his face is enough to switch your gaze to the door as you close it, moving over to sit on the opposite end of the couch

“Um, what do you mean?” You tell him awkwardly, placing your folded hands in your lap.

“About Bakugou. I thought you both were good, but you broke it off?”

You let out a soft sigh, “Listen. I’m not gonna stay in that kind of situation. My love for him isn’t enough for the both of us, especially if he has to have some side piece while I’m away.”

You don’t see the puzzled look Kirishima gives you.

“He had a what?”

Fuck.

So maybe he doesn’t really know.

You lean back, hands absentmindedly playing with the hem of your shirt as your gaze focuses on the ceiling.

“A side piece. Another hoe if you will.”

It's silent for a moment, before you hear him whisper the word ‘fuck’ under his breath.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know.” His voice is softer now.

“S’okay. Haven’t exactly gone parading it around.”

.

.

.

“It’s not your fault.” He manages after the thought provoking silence.

You turn to look at him, the look on your face is more than enough to say you don’t believe his words.

“I know that look, you’re blaming yourself. He fucked up, not you.”

Of course that's the same thing you have been telling yourself since you learned what was happening, but hearing someone else actually support you? That hits differently.

Your eyes tear up as you look him over for any trace of a lie, but no, it was the same old Kirishima, just saying what he believes in.

Yet again tears are trailing down your cheeks.

But this time..

This time you had a friend, someone who cares for you, wrapping his arms around you comfortingly, one arm around your shoulders and the other rubbing your back softly.

“You’ll get through this. You’re strong, you know you are.”

Of course this dumb bitch knows just what to say to keep the tears flowing.

You remain just like that. You rant your broken heart out and Kirishima simply listens. Just lets you speak your mind, your concerns and worries, with only a couple interruptions to make sure you’re still okay enough to talk.

Just to have someone listen means more to you than you realized.

Of course he ends up staying over, not accepting your proposal of taking the bed, saying it wouldn’t be ‘manly’ of him to take it when you clearly needed it more.

Though it had been a month since everything happened, this is when you really started to heal.

Another month passes, with you slowly rejoining your old friends. They’re not the ‘Baku-Squad’, they’re just your lovely friends who have been worried about you. Well, Denki nearly killed you for leaving him on read so often, and Mina wanted to murder you for not letting her be there for you.

It was nice, getting back into the swing of things.

The pain was still there, of course, it didn't just leave.

But it’s a hell of a lot easier to deal with when you’re surrounded by people you care about.

Kiri doesn’t stop with his spontaneous visits, but honestly, you look forward to them. You trust Kiri, you know what you say to one another stays between you both. There’s no anxiety about saying the wrong thing or anything. Just two friends who enjoy each others company.

Until month 3.

By the third month, you’re basically yourself again. Being cheated on always leaves something, it takes a part of you away forever. But aside from the new insecurities and anxieties that come with them, you’re happy.

You’re also scared.

Things no longer feel as friendly between you and Kiri, at least not to you.

Now when he hugs you, your chest feels tight.

When he randomly shows up with take-out on your day off, your heart nearly bursts from your chest out of pure happiness.

It’s fucking terrifying.

Of all people to fall for after your prior relationship, it just had to fucking be your ex's best friend.

“C’mon! It’ll be fun,” Kiri’s voice comes over the speaker of your phone as you prance around your kitchen, making a simple stew after a long shift that left you unable to sleep.

“I’m not saying it won't be, but I'm so tired,” You try to calm down his excitement, you can hear the puppy eyes in his tone.

“Please!?”

You let out a loud groan and you know you’ve already caved to the redheads demands. “Ugh, okay, fine. We can do the movie night- well, morning. I’m finishing up some food right now, just come over whenever you’re ready.”

You can hear the sound of something falling over in the background like Kiri was already tripping over his feet trying to come over to see you. The laugh leaves your throat as he tells you he’s on his way and the call disconnects.

You check the time on your phone seeing it’s barely past 8AM. You had just gotten off of your patrol shift nearly 2 hours ago at this point. Kiri called you right at 6:30, on the dot. He said he had to make sure you made it home safe, that you didn’t get caught up in some sort of situation while you were working or making your way back home. You could still hear the sleepiness in his voice considering it was a couple octaves lower and rougher. Just the thought of him putting that much effort into keeping an eye on you and ensuring your safety has your heart soaring.

You try to keep your mind off of him for the most part, you’re happier that way. But you can’t stop your mind from comparing him to Kiri, and how Kiri has exceeded every expectation you thought you deserved. Bakugou had never called you after shifts, making sure you got home safe, that nothing happened to you while at work. Kiri does though, more times than not, even going the extra mile to make sure you fall asleep on time.

Bakugou never bought you matching pokemon PJs to watch shitty cartoons on the couch in, talking about everything and anything you could possibly think of… but Kiri did, a smile on his face the whole time.

And you have the audacity to wonder why you fell for the dork.

A knock at your door breaks you from your thoughts just as you finish serving the stew in a couple bowls, just in time.

“C’mon in, dork,” Before the words even fully leave your mouth, Kiri is already walking in, acting like a puppy who’s just seen its owner after a long day at work.

“Heya!” He lifts a bag he’s holding up, “I brought snacks!”

You send a smile his way as you quickly gather the bowls and motion him towards the couch. You place both bowls on the end table and toss him the remote.

“Go ahead and pick something, it’s your turn anyway, I’m gonna go ahead and close the curtains,” You tell him as you are already moving to finish the task.

Currently, your little apartment was lit up with the bright orange rays from the morning sun. After drawing the blackout curtains to a close, the room is nearly pitch black aside from the light from the tv.

Kiri decides on yet another Pokemon movie, just like last time. You sit down beside him, grabbing your bowl to eat and handing him his.

Kiri is talking about the movie as the beginning of it starts playing, shoving bites of food in his mouth in between his excited rambling. You’re trying to listen and pay attention but the only thought going through your head is how utterly adorable he looks right now, so happy to be with you, so excited talking about this silly movie.

“Heh, “ The words spill out before you even realize what you’re saying, “You’re adorable.”

Embarrassment and fear are the first feelings to take over your being and Kiri seems to notice, his words ceasing and a bright smile lighting up his features. You can’t tell if it's just the light from the tv, but it's almost like his cheeks are just as red as his hair as he looks at you so very sweetly.

“If I'm adorable, you’re downright gorgeous.” He simply says, looking over you, gauging your reaction.

You can feel your face heat up, moving to scoot just the slightest bit closer to him, turning to look back towards the screen. You can hear him chuckle at your reaction but you ignore it, focusing on everything else currently.

And that moment opened the floodgates of what you could only call absolute, downright fucking SIMP Eijiro Kirishima.

You can’t even begin to think of Bakugou, he hardly passes your thoughts anymore. Only being filled with the sweet nothings Kirishima reserves only for you to hear, in the early hours of the morning over the phone as you fall asleep after a long night.

Ever since that moment, Kirishima’s affections knew no bounds, constantly wanting to have his arm around you, holding your hand, playing with your hair, anything and everything. Of course, you couldn’t get enough of it, this was all new to you, new and exciting and it felt so amazing to be thought of the way you can tell Kirishima thinks of you.

You love his smile, the way that smile is your favorite thing to see, and how you can look at your phone and see his gorgeous smile as your lock screen.

“Let’s go out,” Kirishima tells you randomly, on facetime with you as you’re going through some reports you need to fill out for work from the comfort of your couch.

“I mean, sure, but not right now, I need to have these finished for my shift Monday.” You tell him, glancing up and noticing his expression on your computer screen.

“No, I mean-” Kiri lets out a big sigh, running his hands through his hair before he takes a deep breath.

You pause your writing with a concerned expression, “Everything okay, Eiji?” Somehow the questions alone seems to calm him a bit, a small smile now on his face.

“(Y/n) (L/n), I would like to take you on a date. A real date. Not as friends.” His voice comes out so soft yet loving, his eyes on you with a hopeful smile.

The words take you by surprise, your face heating up as your eyes widen a bit, “A-are you sure?” You ask, soft.

“I’ve never been more sure of anything, it’ll be fun! I’ll plan everything, pay for everything, I just need you to agree, to be there.” Kiri assures you, so very hopeful.

You want to just agree, so badly you just want to smile and say ‘Of fuckin course! About time you asked me!’ but there's so much fear surrounding your heart now.

“Eiji,” You take a deep breath, this is your best friend after all, “I'm scared, Eiji.” You push your work to the side, focusing on his confused face on your screen.

“I’m scared of something happening. I don’t,” You pull your legs up onto the seat, wrapping your arms around them. “I don’t want to get hurt again.”

Kiri’s expression goes soft, a small hopeful smile still there, “Give me a chance. Just one. If you change your mind, no hard feelings.”

Goddamn, those puppy eyes.

You sigh once more, giving him a shy smile, “Okay.”

The date was beyond your expectations. Kiri had picked you up from your apartment, flowers in hand. He opened the car door anytime you ever needed to get in or out of his very nice car. Kiri had taken you to a wonderful restaurant, nothing super fancy but something nice and just for you. Of course, he didn’t end it there, taking you to an aquarium right after, making sure it was late enough that no other visitors could ogle at the pair of you as you ogle at the various fish.

You talked and laughed with him more than you feel you ever have.

And of course, when he walks you up to your door after an amazing day, smiles on both of your faces.

“That was the most amazing day I’ve ever had, Eiji,” You tell him honestly, looking at him with pure adoration.

His smile is bright enough to light up every crevice of the earth, so full of happiness, of content. “Does that mean I have a chance at another?” He asks smoothly, eyes yet again hopeful.

You laugh a bit, reaching up to gently hold his face while you place your lips against his.

It truly is the most perfect kiss you think you’ve ever had.

Kiri makes no move to pull away but gives you full control, his hands slowly moving up to gently hold your hips, his thumb rubbing circles into the fabric of your clothes.

You tilt your head, deepening the kiss just a bit and you can feel him sigh into the kiss, pulling you the slightest bit closer.

Slowly, you pull away, keeping your faces close together.

“I’d like to think my boyfriend could take me out whenever he pleases.” You quip at him playfully, pulling back a little more to watch his expression move from confused to elated.

“Damn right! This boyfriend can take his partner out whenever he pleases.” He laughs, giving you a peck on your forehead.

After a happy exchange of goodbyes with your newly acquired boyfriend, you move inside your house, closing the door behind you as you glance out of your window.

You can’t stop yourself from laughing as you watch Kiri do a happy dance all the way to his car, bouncing and whistling like he just won the fucking lottery.

You have a ways to go, and more healing to do. But you have reached your conclusion.

You didn’t lose your happily ever after.

Your happily ever after just happened to arrive late, with hardships to face on both ends before it could be pursued.

This, Eijiro Kirishima, is your self-proclaimed happily ever after.

[batarangsoundsdumb]

guess fucking what? my inbox is so fucking full right now i'm unloading all of this shit in one post.

For the 11th gotham memes: gothamites react to bruce being jacked in a tiktok he made with kids, like super yoked, ripped as hell

fucking hilarious thanks. i think i did it in one meme post, but i genuinely don't remember which one

i dunno which of the batfam would do this but one time i was sleeping over at a friends house and ended up on the floor bc the bed was so very small and i just stayed there because the rug was soft

that's a drunk jason move i don't know what to tell you

tim and jason are "i listen to pop punk" solidarity. whenever jason highjacks the batmobile theyll go on long ass car rides blaring mcr and paramore and then never talk about it again

as they should!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! tim: no jason it's my turn using the aux cord i gotta put on my jams jason: don't you dare put on weird shit tim: don't worry, you're gonna love this *plays fearless (taylor's version)

hear me out hear me out, red hood stans 🤝 nightwing stans t h i g h s

holy shit yes.

SNL au: Bruce breaks character when pretending to superman and says something like "I'm not superman! You've seen his gps!! It's from 2001!!!" @sabeanybabe

superman flies past the snl building the next day just to say 'actually it's from 2005, i'm not a heathen'

does your back hurt from carrying the batfam fandom

it hurts more from the exotic rock collection i keep in my backpack, but thanks for the concern.

I love your posts by why would you always leave the best parts in the tags?

as a treat for the people that check the tags ;) (and also because i'm committed to the short post aesthetic)

somehow your playlist was everything i never knew i needed. i mean it. this is my new favorite playlist.

and don't you dare get a new favourite playlist!

babe ur stoner tim playlist is exactly too perfect, earth is literally blessed by ur existence

babe thanks so much! i love my stoner tim playlist because it's just my usual playlist but people think it's an artistic choice that i put taylor swift and britney spears in there, when it's just what i unironically like listening to

JANDKSKDK BILLY RAY CYRUS ON THE STONER TIM PLAYLIST I LOVE IT IT

again it's not even an ironic choice, i know every single word and i genuinely like the song

The last chapter of Fundamentals of Casework has me crying at work. Thanks I love it @dudelookitsalesbian

oh babe, i'm sorry, but also, not sorry i love chapter 4 so much it's my lovechild with the 'mental illness' tag

soooo....stumbled on your tumblr by some stroke of fate??? read your DC fanfic first. which is PHENOMENAL btw. then found all the batmemes; the funniest thing EVER bc everyone forgets about regular old gothamites. kept scrolling and your blog pops up as recommended. clicked on the ao3 for shits and giggles and waddaya know?!?!? it's YOU!!! you're LEGEND!!!! ever seen that meme? it's a video of a cat that got into a baseball field and the two announcers get really invested in his escape attempt and start giving a play by play of the cat instead of the game. memeable moment: "GREAT stuff from the Cat!!!"

i seriously think about this ask every single day and it's so fucking funny to me that i've never seen the meme you're referencing, but i still find myself going 'GREAT stuff from the Cat!!!' whenever i see something funny. but wow i'm glad you liked this steaming pile of garbage

Fav dc character overall? And fav batfamily character?

don't ask me to pick between the loves of my life, but i can tell you i've cried about every single batfamily member and also wally west (my beloved)

What's your opinion on fans having a problem with batfam being "too big"? And some even claim that batfam is just "Bruce Alfred Dick Damian" and the rest of them are just "friends and allies" (source: reddit) Personally, I like batfam because of this reason but idk

stupid. a family can never be too big. i'm not that big a fan of like huge batfam stuff with everybody from every single universe, because as much as it's funny for bruce to have like 30 kids, it just feels a little too OOC for me.

This is the best tag I've seen involving the batfam, thanks for thinking of it

This is canon now @nctxrejects

lmao yeah i think at that point alfred has had to sit through like at least a dozen coming out talks and just has a pride flag collection in the attic that he pulls out whenever a kid comes out

idk why batfam hits different as compared to any other superhero family

bc it's found family and usually the other superhero families are almost all genetically related in one way or another

I don't know if you watch the umbrella academy but I saw your last post about batcest and saw the similarities. But the thing is (although I think it's weird) in TUA, they addressed it by saying "they were raised as weapons, not siblings" or something along those lines, which is simply not the case with batfam.

yeah i watched tua but i also thought it was ridiculous and they still treated each other as siblings so i didn't like the luthor/allison thing, and am glad they stopped doing that shit bc it fucking sucked.

Hot take: Batcest shippers are the same people who believe adopted siblings are not actual siblings

smoking hot take: batcest shippers are the people who watch 'my sister got stuck in the washing machine' porn

Duke was adopted by Bruce?

not technically no, but do i, tumblr user batarangsoundsdumb, look like i care?

True story but I had to change my freaking name because it used to be "Damien" and most people would go "OH LIKE DAMIAN WAYNE" like please I'm just tryna live

true story, but i don't actually think of damian when i hear the name damian, literally the first thing that pops up is damian darkh like bruh what?

apparently dc comics company supported comic stores by giving out new titles and stuff during the beginning of the pandemic to help them run and I just think that's wholesome

ah yeah that's so fucking cool, still don't like dc, the company, because this world is a capitalist hellhole and we're all owned by warner brothers or disney with no in between.

ayo looking at tumblr head canons and finding out bruce is actually a terrible father is a punch in the gut

lmao yes, in like 50% of comics bruce is a terrible father and it gives me whiplash

oooh I just saw the jason todd vs winter soldier post and the real question is: batman vs iron man

while iron man has like hundreds of cases of armor, batman could throw out an emp and have the guy dropping out of the sky in 2 seconds.

dickfast = fastdick = quickdick = quickie

magnum hot take

hey bata(?) just thought I'd let you know I have copied the obnoxious emoji and Billy Ray post for use on simping men going forth

thank you 😘🌷 (@spacebarsidecar)

why would you do that to your followers???? i get why i did it, but why would you???

what is scarecrow made the nightwing funko pop himself, like those diy-ers that paint over other ones

oh god no, horrible take, horrible take, that's a disgusting thought oh no

I see your HC that Bruce and Oliver fucked and raise you this: Dick and Roy ALSO fucked

yes they did and it was a horrible moment for jason to find out dick has fucked both of his best friends

"at this rate bruce adds like 1 child to his family every decade or so" Duke is introduced in 2013, Damian as Damian, not as an unnamed child, in 2006. And he is already 14 years old, Robins rarely remain Robins after 16 😬 It looks like a new Robin and Batkid will appear in a couple of years

i mean i can't wait? but somebody will probably die first tho, we're due for another major character death. my money's on either cass or duke this time.

BRO you're so right all of your Bruce's ex headcanons are amazing but they aren't ships, that's kinda wild. Like I don't want any peeks into how their relationship was I just want to see everyone make fun of them

lmao YES it's just i love bruce being a slut, like good for him.

I am in love with your posts your honour thank you

omg thanks are we like,, gonna kiss now?

The justice league needs to have a meeting to discuss how many of their members/partners have slept with bruce. Because through a combination of cannon & fannon (if DC wasn’t homophobic) we have AT LEAST: 1) clark 2) lois 3) oliver 4) dinah 5) john

Thats not counting villains or random civilians @dudelookitsalesbian

yes yes yes, they'll have a yearly meeting about how many of their collective exes could be out for revenge and batman's list just keeps getting longer.

tim was like "i'm drake now" and everyone was like ahh so your fursona is a dragon and tim was like pffffft no. ducks.

and what about it?

when steph's fighting livewire and she zaps her with lighting and nothing happens and then they both just. stand there awkwardly for a second and talk. yeah i couldn't stop laughing at that batgirl steph is the BEST

oh yeah that was fucking hilarious and i think it would be so cool and sexy of dc to give steph a little comic series,,, as a treat

Hi I absolutely adore all of yours "Bruce and Oliver very badly pretending they didn't fuck each other" memes

lmao i do too

I need you to know that “Bruce Wayne had frosted tips” is one of my favorite Bruce takes of all time it’s so galaxy brained. you’re right and you should say it

he also painted his hair blonde once when he was travelling and in conclusion, this is why he's being blackmailed by the gotham gazette.

you know my thing about gordon being branded as the only good cop in gotham is its a load of shit like arguably he's a good person and not working to screw people over or anything but the fact that he also works w. batman makes him a shit cop. like yea batman is better than the mob but its still illegal its still an abuse of power he just not making bank

babe, all cops are bad cops. (but yeah youre absolutely right, working with vigilantes makes you a shit cop, but also working against vigilantes just makes you an asshole cop yanno?)

ruh roh i think i’m about to add “so not yeehaw” every time i don’t like something

that's a very good vocabulary upgrade

somehow i feel like steph already knew. like babs obviously knew but i feel like bruce got high/drunk in front of steph and started telling his boarding school stories and steph was just like “oh you fucked up i’m never gonna forget this”

steph and bruce have weird uncle/rebellious niece dynamic and they just hang out sometimes and bruce will be like 'i once broke my arm when i tripped over a hedge when i was drunk so oliver drove me to the hospital on an electric scooter' and steph will just have to sit there with that knowledge in her head.

Hello I just wanted to tell you you are So right in all your steph opinions bc she is, in fact amazing and I think that's very sexy of you. Ps. Your Bruce/Oliver fic is hilarious

babe, thank you so much and yes steph is amazing and i love her and she deserves the world and she's the best member of the batfam hands down. also thanks

In Supersons we see a couple of kids that are implied to be Damian and Jon's children and the boy has laser eyes and can fly, so I asume he's not adopted. The girl, who calls Bruce grandpa, can also fly, btw. So it's canon (probably by accident) that Jon can have kids and he must have married one of Bruce's kids. (I'm hoping for Damian, mostly because any other of his children would be waaaaaaaaaaaaay too old.) @artemisa97

lmao that was probably an accident seeing as jon is a 17 year old superhero in the year 3000 (by the jonas brothers)

You know, I'm a die hard fan of your memes, but I gotta say one thing: if Gothamites actually took gas mask everywhere with them, then the Scarecrow would just be a weird dude in a weird costume, and not a villain oh so scary. DC really should just takes notes from you.

bold of you to assume there's no gothamite anti-maskers

How does it feel being the funniest person on this app?

horrible, next question.

I can't listen to Green Day or Billy Joel without thinking of your post about how Bruce got arrested at a Billy Joel concert @nightwings-kid

yeah that's your mistake, i on the other hand can't enjoy billy joel without thinking about the glee rendition of 'uptown girl'

I've FINALLY been watching the Batman animated series and I gotta say, after watching "the gray ghost" I am CONVINCED that Batman is a closeted super hero geek who was 100% freaking out the first time he met Superman and is just REALLY good at hiding it.

superman: so what do you do in your free time? batman, thinking about the superman fanfiction he's writing on the batcomputer: i have no free time

bruce and oliver be like boyfriends to co-workers 401k (do the justice leagues get 401ks??? not that bruce and ollie would need them, but-)

lmao yes just 400 thousand words of bruce realising 'oh dip oliver is such a fucking dumbass' (also i don't know what a 401 k is but i assume they don't?)

Gothamites would totally boo superman as he saves Gotham while batman is out. @meenje

he's like 'okay think about that next time you want to be saved from an alien octopus'

I just took long break from dc comics and I come back to see ric grayson ??

i think it's very cool and sexy of dc to see dick and just think 'you know what? let's just give him a traumatic brain injury' and then didn't develop his character in any real way

SPEAKING OF RIC GRAYSON, gothamites making confused memes out of ric grayson is much needed

'dick grayson is my taxi driver? can anyone explain what the fuck happened he looks like an italian plumber?'

i hate to say it but batfam are def "marvel characters" in that sense they are characters who are human but become superheroes unlike most dc characters who are gods trying to be human maybe this is why I like batfam

fair enough

[herotten-a-blog]

  k but listen can you imagine deck with one for all tho?? his beliefs still stand still and he’d rarely use it but hooooo can you imagine him learning how to use it properly and just???

[couldibeanymorechaotic]

This is a mess

I wrote a fic about Percy Weasley coming out and like I said above, it’s kinda a mess.......👉🏼👈🏼 it’s really chaotic but lots of people like chaotic stuff right?! let’s just hope

anyway, do whatever u want with this and yeah!

warning: percy became a bit ooc and charlie became trans so she is now charlise <3

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Percy Weasley was very nervous. Very nervous indeed. He was going to be coming out to his family. His loving but super chaotic family.

“W-What if they think I’m a-abnormal Ollie? Or w-worse than t-that?” Percy stutters out to his boyfriend, Oliver Wood, otherwise known as the keeper of Puddlemere United.

“They won’t darling. They love you,” comforted Oliver, “Besides, hasn’t Ron come out as bisexual, and isn’t Charlie, Charlise now?”

“B-but, I wasn’t there for them,” replies Percy ashamedly, “I left them when they needed me the most, and Fred died. I don’t deserve it!”

“Percival Ignatius Weasley, you are a beautiful, kind, smart person and you, like everyone else, deserve to be happy. Everyone makes mistakes! The thing that matters is you apologized! You came back!” Oliver reassures.

“Sorry, I’m just freaking out, Oll,” Percy apologizes.

“It’s ok, love. No need to worry,” says Oliver, “How about a kiss for good luck?”

“Seriously, Ollie?” replies Percy with a fond smile.

“Yes seriously!” Oliver chuckles.

“Fine!” Percy gives him a short but loving kiss, “Now let’s go over the plan one more time.”

“Percy, I love you, but if you make me recite that one more time, I’m going to flip. Besides, I remember,” Oliver said.

“Ok, ok. Love you, too! Bye,” replied Percy as he headed through the floo.

As he entered the Burrow various shouts of hellos greeted Percy.

“Hello Mother and Father,” Percy said primly.

“Oh, Percy, darling! You’re home!” Mrs. Weasley replied.

“Yes, indeed, Mother!” Percy responded, trying to stop his nerves and muster a smile.

“Oi! What about us?” Bill laughed.

“Hello to you too, siblings,” replied Percy.

“You say siblings like it's a bad thing,” Ginny replied.

“It is,” smiled Percy.

“No, this cannot be. Percy just made a joke,” said George, shocked.

“Hey, I make jokes. I’m plenty good at it!” Percy replied.

“Yeah, sure. Tell me one person who thinks your jokes are funny!” Charlise asked.

“My boyfriend!” shouted Percy, forgetting his plan, “Uh, I mean girlfriend.”

“Percy, do you have something to tell us?” Mr. Weasley asked.

“Um, yes father. I have a boyfriend,” Percy replied anxiously.

“Great, we were wondering why you were single for so long, Perce!” Fred laughed.

“Hey!” yelled Percy, “He’s been my boyfriend for 2 years!”

“That was the wrong thing to say, Percy,” giggled Ginny.

“Percival Ignatius Weasley, why haven’t you told us about your boyfriend of 2 years? When is he coming for Sunday dinner? I need to make a sweater for him!” Mrs. Weasley fretted.

“Um, well actually, I was going to tell you and then ask him to come,” Percy nervously replied.

“Ok, dear. How about you go call him?” Mrs. Weasley smiled.

“Wait. Wait!” Bill shouted.

“What?” George and Ron asked simultaneously.

“Can we guess who your boyfriend is first?” Bill questioned.

“Fine,” replied Percy looking at his watch, “My boyfriend is running late anyway.”

“So, what house is he in?” asked Fred.

“I won’t tell you! You have to guess!” chuckled Percy.

“Maybe, Slytherin?” asked Charlise.

“No, Charlise. Not Slytherin,” replied Percy.

“How about Ravenclaw then?” inquired Ron.

“Nope,” said Percy.

“You probably won’t date a Hufflepuff so Gryffindor?” asked Bill.

“Correct. He is in Gryffindor,” Percy smiled.

“Um, do we know him?” asked Ron.

“Yes, you know him,” replied Percy.

“Ok,” Fred says, “This is hard.”

“Because you haven’t even properly guessed!” Percy shouts.

“Fine, fine. Does he like quidditch?” asks Ginny.

“Yes, he does,” Percy replies.

“Oh, thank Merlins. If he didn’t, I don’t know what I would do!” George laughs.

“Ha, ha. Very mature, George,” Percy replied dryly.

“I give up! Can Percy’s boyfriend come so we can eat?” asked Ron.

“I will if there is an overall decision,” says Percy.

“One last question?” asks Bill hopefully.

“Ok, what’s your question?” Percy asks.

“How many siblings does he have?” asks Bill.

“None,” said Percy.

“Well he’s going to be in for a chaotic surprise,” laughs Charlise.

“Anyway, you can bring him now, Percy!” Mrs. Weasley replies.

“That would be good. I’ll bring him from the floo,” replies Percy as he steps into the floo, “Home!”

“Perce!” Oliver shouts anxiously, “What took you so long, love?”

“Sorry, darling,” replies Percy, “They wanted to try to guess who my boyfriend was!”

“Did they guess it right?” chuckles Oliver.

“They didn’t even guess! They just asked silly questions,” said Percy as he rolled his eyes.

“I figured. Anyway, ready?” asked Oliver.

“Yeah, I’m ready, Oll,” replies Percy.

“Great! Let’s go then!” Oliver says.

“No, wait!” Percy stutters.

“Mhm, what?” asks Oliver.

“Maybe, I could come in first, and then I could prank them! Maybe say he can’t come/he broke up with me or some shit and then floo to the Burrow?” laughs Percy.

“Hearing you swear never fails to make me wonder. And yeah, I love it. But it’s your idea, if they ask, which they will!” Oliver smiles.

“Come when I ping you on your watch, ok?” asks Percy.

“Sure, muffin. Love ya!” said Oliver, his scottish twang prominently arising in his voice

“Ok then. Bye Ollie. Love you,” kisses Percy as he floo’s to the Burrow.

“Hey, Percy!!” says Ron.

“Wait, where is he?” asks Charlise.

“H-he b-broke up with me….” stutters Percy trying to sound devastated. It wasn’t too hard considering he had done acting at Hogwarts. Not many people knew though. Only Neville, Hannah, Penelope, Susan, and Luna.

“Oh no, Percy, dear. Would you like some tea?” says Molly trying to comfort him.

“Yes please, mum,” Percy (fake) sniffles.

The other Weasleys were shocked…..they had never seen Percy act this way…..before they knew it, they were all starting to curse his heartless ex-boyfriend.

“I’m going to kill him,” screeched George.

“Me too!” replied Fred.

“Me three!” Ginny replied.

“Me fucking four!” growled Bill.

“I’m here too!” Ron yells.

“And me!” replies Charlise.

“W-wait guys,” Percy stammers.

“Excuse me?” glares Ginny.

“Oh, guys and gals,” says Percy, covering up his mistake.

“Yes, Percy?” asks his father.

Percy cracks a huge grin as he laughs, “It’s a prankkkk!”

“Fuck you, Percy. Fuck you,” growls Fred.

“Seriously, what the hell?” Bill yelled.

“And why did you do this?” asked Ron.

“I could answer that, or Charlise might know,” smirked Percy.

“Sorry, Perce. It’s just you never make jokes or pranks, or whatever,” replied Charlise.

“Never mind that, how’re you so good at acting?” asked George.

“Because I was in acting for 4 years, George!” shouted Percy, “How come you don’t remember?”

“To be honest Perce, I don’t remember,” replied Ginny.

Shouts of ‘nor do I’ came chorusing through the Burrow.

“Seriously?” Percy sighed.

“Percy, so is your boyfriend still there?” asked Mrs. Weasley trying to change the topic.

Percy instantly brightened up and he replied, “Yeah, he is. And before I get him, don’t scream, don’t yell, don’t do anything that would embarrass me, and the prank was my idea so don’t blame him. Got it?”

“Got it!” replied the Weasley Family.

“Ok then,” said Percy as he tapped his watch, turning it the color of his bright blue eyes.

“Hey, how did you do that, Percy?” asked his Father.

“Just some simple charms and transfigurations which allow me to ask my boyfriend to come where I need him to be,” Percy replied, “It also kinda works like a patronus but instead of sending one, I can just call him and he can talk to me!”

“Woah, cool!” replied the twins simultaneously, “Can you make a prototype for our shop?”

Flustered at the praise, Percy just nodded as he waited for Ollie.

A familiar voice was heard, “Hiya Perce! Oh and hello Mr & Mrs. Weasley.” said Oliver, “-and hi fellow Weasley siblings!

“No freaking way!” yelled Ron.

“Oliver Wood, keeper of Puddlemere United!!” screeched Ginny.

“Calm down! I told y’all to keep it down and not to embarrass me, it hasn’t worked so far,” glared Percy.

“Y’all? Who says y’all?” shudders George, “Oliver’s rubbing up on you, Perce!”

“Oi! Shut it! I think saying y’all is cute! Don’t you, pumpkin?” says Oliver, “Oh, and aren’t you cold, muffin? You’re only wearing a sweater, dear.”

Embarrassed, Percy replied, “I’m fine, love. Now let’s go to eat!”

“Wait a minute, did everyone else hear Oliver saying pumpkin, muffin, and dear in the span of 2 minutes?” Bill chuckled as he asked.

“No more questions,” Percy shouted as he blushed, “Now time for dinner.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

taglist: @mais-e @just-a-smol-spoon @oliverwoodmarrymepls

please join my taglist if u like this kind of shit 🤠

[stealforreal]

Midoriya Izuku - Future kids I

Midoriya Izuku's day just got turned upside down. MIdoriya is slightly ooc, and I'm dissapointed with the quality of this work. I lost inspiration sorry, but here you go anyways.

Midoriya Izuku x f!reader

Warnings: none, maybe slight cussing

It had been a normal day, so far. Class 1-b and 1-a had a joint training session, and everyone was giving it their all. Iida was using his recipico burst against their team's opponents, giving Midoriya time to think up a new plan now that they had been discovered. They had previously planned to use Aoyama's navel laser to lure their opponents to a specific spot, before using Iida to get him away so Midoriya and Todoroki could apprehend them. The plan had unfortunately backfired, since they had captured Aoyama before Iida could get to him. The solid air user from 1-b had gotten him in his hold, and only after Todoroki had gotten him back did they realise how much the rest of the plan would fail. So now Midoriya was tasked with coming up with a new plan.

Todoroki was occupied with holding the others at bay, and Iida was running out of fuel so they wouldn’t be much help. Aoyama was on the brink of his usual stomach ache that followed with overuse, so he was also pretty useless. Even if he wanted too Midoriya knew he was out matched, a 4 v 1 would not end well for him, besides he had to look out for Monoma and his copy quirk. He was so in his head planning that he didn’t see the Copycat sneaking up on him, not before it was too late. He should have felt an impact, Monoma had pointed one of Bakugou’s explosions towards him. But the impact never came, instead he felt himself float in the air hovering over the remaining smoke from the explosion. “Don’t you dare hurt my daddy” A loud girly voice proclaimed, effectively gaining everybody nearby attention.

Turning his attention towards the girly voice, he felt himself freeze up. In the middle of their training field stood a girl around the age of 10, if he had to take a guess. But that wasn’t what caused him to freeze up, no not the fact that this young girl had somehow managed to bypass UA’s security. Which should have been impossible, considering all the improvements that had been made to it after all the villain attacks that had happened. No, what caused him to freeze up was the fact that before him stood this girl, who looked like a carbon copy of him. It seemed that way from this distance. “Who is responsible for holding Midoriya in the air?” Aizawa’s gruff voice rang out. “Oh right, I forgot about that,” The curly green haired girl exclaimed, catching the attention of the slowly increasing crowd. Slowly Midoriya could feel himself being lowered to the ground again, once his feet hit the cement the quirk that had previously held him in the air deactivated making him feel 10 times heavier.

“Who the fuck disturbed the exercise, I’m gonna kill who ever did it” a familiar angry voice yelled out, making Bakugou’s presence noticeable. Everybody was a little on edge, they had enough experience with villains to not foolishly blindly trust anybody. It didn’t matter that it was a 10 year-old girl, or that she looked like a carbon copy of the resident green haired cinnamon roll. “Man, Uncle Katsu you really were loud back in the day” This statement from the green haired girl left everyone speechless. ‘Does she have a death wish’ was the thought on most of 1-A’s minds, nobody was so casual with Bakugou because it was a serious health hazard.

Well everyone except maybe his two best friends, Kirishima and y/n. It was common knowledge in class A that Bakugou had a soft spot for his two best friends, they had honestly been shocked the first time they met her. She had walked into the classroom, blank faced, walked over to Bakugou’s table, smacked him upside the head with a book before leaving it on his desk, and walked out the door with only a quick “don’t forget it next time, Idiot”. Miraculously she had lived, and Bakugou hadn’t even begun yelling. An impressive feat in itself. Not long after Midoriya had begun noticing you around school, and found out you were a part of the support course. He came to know you a bit, his observation skills made that almost too easy. Slowly but surely he began falling in love with you, the way your hair frames your face, your sharp tongue that never held back. How you would stand up for anybody, it didn’t matter if you knew them well or not if they were in trouble you would help them.

“Hah, what was that you brat?” Bakugou’s loud yelling and heavy footsteps approaching snapped him out of his thoughts, and back to the situation at hand. “ W-wait a minute Kacchan, I’m s-sure that there is a logical explanation” He found himself saying before he could even register what happened. Midoriya was hit with an immense feeling of protectiveness, similar to when they had rescued Eri, but stronger. Without knowing he had subconsciously stepped in front of the girl, pushing her behind his back. “Don’t worry dad I can handle myself, besides it’s only uncle Katsu” she spoke up behind the protective cinnamon roll. “Explain now” Aizawa cut in before they could get side tracked again. It was like the fact she hadn’t introduced herself, only hit her now.

“ Right, allow me to introduce myself” Bowing slightly she continued. “ My name is Midoriya Izumi, I am 10 years old and from the future” Aizawa sent her a raised eyebrow, wanting an elaborated answer. “ My friend was being teased by the others in class about how he was quirkless” Izuku tensed slightly but continued listening to Izumi “ Since my friend’s parents each has a quirk related to time, his mom could speed up herself for only a couple of minutes and his dad could slow down others a bit. This made it really hard for my friend to know if he had a quirk or not, so I helped him research and test different theories. Our last one must have worked, which is time travel by the way, but I have no idea how long his quirk will last” Izumi rambled slightly, reminding them of another curly green haired individual. Difference is Izumi talked loud enough for them to hear, and a bit slower making it understandable.

“Wait, you said your name was Midoriya Izumi. Does this mean that you are Midoriya’s daughter” The ever stoic, conspiracy theory thinking, dual haired boy pointed out. “ Yep, sure am uncle Sho, Don’t tell me you don’t see the resemblance.” She stood next to Izuku hugging his waist with one arm, before continuing” I’m dad's younger copy but female, mom always says there is more wholesomeness in him than there is in her. I remember her asking dad one time why his genes were so damn strong. Luckily for her Haru looks a lot more like her, he’s her younger copy but male” The people present looked between the two Midoriyas, it was true nobody could deny that she was her fathers daughter. The only thing that was different was her eyes, they had specks of y/e/c instead of being fully emerald like Izuku’s were. Also she talks a lot, just like their classmate. They shared the same green hair, both were curly in texture and the classic Midoriya freckles. Though it seemed that she had gotten more of her mothers personality, at least they assumed so. I mean she stood up to Bakugou, without even flinching at his tone.

“Oi, squirt what’s your quirk. And quit rambling like shitty Deku” Bakugou asked, interest evident in his tone. “ Right, my quirk is called Telekinesis, so I can move stuff with my mind. It was also how I was able to keep daddy in the air” Izumi responded, puffing her chest out comically in pride. “Huh so it skipped a generation, and your quirk is stronger than my mom’s. But you also have a different approach so maybe that helps. I wonder why yours is stronger, is it because of your mothers quirk. But then again my quirk is also powerful maybe an aspect of it ties to the genes maybe that’s why your quirk is stronger than moms” The older green haired individual began mumbling on, and he probably would have continued if he hadn’t been cut off by his lowly daughter hitting him in the head. “ Daddy stop mumbling,” Izumi stated sternly.

Bakugou grinned, he liked this kid's spunk and she seemed to have a strong quirk, even if she was shitty Deku’s kid. “Oi squirt fight me” He loudly proclaimed, earning all his classmates attention. Almost everyone began yelling over each other, what the hell dude and she just a kid another one was so not manly bro. Instead of being happy her dad’s old classmates were defending her, stopping her uncle from fighting her she got annoyed. So what if she was a child, this wouldn’t be her first time fighting her dad or her uncles. Before everyone could attack Bakugou even more a voice piqued up “ Sure, if that is alright with you sensei” she directed her attention towards Mr. Aizawa.

It wasn’t rational to challenge a child to a fight, but he couldn’t deny she had a great fighting spirit in her eyes. So he allowed it, he was curious himself to see how it would end. The control she displayed earlier was phenomenal, and she was only 10 but she had a lot of potential in his book. He shooed everuýone a bit away from the hothead and the young Midoriya, and so then created a ring of sorts acting a the line of confinement.

3…..2…...1…...GO!

Bakugou charged straight in with his usual right hook, only to have it swiftly caught by Izumi. She grabbed his right hand, squatted down a bit, then swiftly pushed her shoulder into his rib. The momentum of that allowed her to, even with some difficulty, flip his much larger body over her shoulder and into the ground. There was a small second of silence where Bakugou just laid on the ground in shock, a girl over 5 years younger than him just flipped him over her shoulder like it wasn’t even that hard. However Izumi didn’t give him time to think as she sent metal bars towards him. They had been fried earlier, before her arrival. Bakugou used his explosions to evade the metal projectiles, sending another one straight towards her face. Die squirt die, his colorful vocabulary re-entered the scene. She used her Telekinesis to command the explosion to change course and hit Bakugou square in the face instead. Slightly dazed Bakugou didn’t have time to move before a heel connected to his temple, effectively knocking him out.

Everyone who bore witness to this fight was shell shocked, Bakugou lost. The fight lasted only around 8 minutes before the winner of the 1 years sports festival got knocked out by a 10 year old girl. “Huh, that was easier than expected,” the panting girl exclaimed. Izuku could feel his chest swell with pride, that was his daughter. Strong and smart just like her parents. She walked over to Izuku and slumped against him “ I’m tired daddy, carry me” She looked up at him with those doe green eyes, and how could he say no to his little warrior princess. Blushing, he picked her up, and she let out a sigh of contentment. Using her quirk to command things on a molecular level, like Bakugou’s explosions always took a toll on her.

“Midoriya take Izumi to the dorms to let her rest, the rest of you come with me for our next exercise” Mr. Aizawa commanded the frozen teens and teacher. Izuku then began making his way to the dorms, asking his sleepy daughter a tornado of questions. Do you know about my quirk, how does your quirk work, how old is Haru, am I a good dad, who is your mom? Even in her sleepy state Izumi answered his questions to the best of her abilities, though she refused to reveal who her mother was.

When they arrived at the dorms he put her on the living room couch, and went to leave to grab her some old All Might merch that could fit her. Before he could leave she grabbed his cheeks rather harshly, looking him straight in the eye she said “Don’t worry about who mom is, she loves you for you so it's gonna be fine. Also don’t screw this up so I’ll still be born.” Izuku sweat dropped nervously, before getting out of her hold to go find that old merch of his.

When he returned to the living room after finding what he was looking for, he looked around only to find that it was empty. He walked over to the couch and coffee table where he found a note, picking it up and sitting down on the couch to read it. Dearest daddy, I felt tingly so I think the quirk is gonna wear off now. I just wanted to say that you are awesome and the best daddy out there, I love you so much. I’ll see you again in the future - hugs Izumi Midoriya. Izuku’s heart fell, she had only just arrived an hour or so ago and now she was gone. He didn’t get to know his daughter better like he had hoped, and he didn’t get to see her adorably dressed up in his old All Might merch. He read the note over and over again, trying to satisfy his heart. He would see her again in the future, and then it clicked. his heart swelled, yeah he would see Izumu again some day.

Yeah he would see her again when he was married and happy. Yeah he could wait for that, as long as he has too.

@rainypeachbakerygoth

[bonketh]

[Pico x Reader]

[from watty- yuhh- this is a tad bit old, i wrote most of my fnf fanfics when i was first introduced to the fandom, so this is probably shit.]

|•Basically a u h - Pico x reader, Pico is a little brat towards you, you end up getting in an argument, and he accidentally confesses to you, and uh ye-•|

|•Requested by: n o o n e-•|

|•Warning(s): Fluff, mild angst, vague language

______________________________________________

"Pico! Give it back!" A voice growled from the empty alleyway. A few chuckles could be heard from the same alleyway.

"Or what, shorty? Ya gonna call the cops on me?" Pico grunted out, shoving someone to the ground. Ah, yes. The person, who was now laying on the ground, was our dear protagonist.

[Y/n].

[Y/n] whimpered, laying on the ground as they struggled to get up. Nene, one of Pico's gang friends, pressed her foot against you're head. "Don't try to get up, squirt! Stay on the damn ground, like the little bitch you are!" She growled out.

Darnell glanced from Pico, and back to [Y/n], humming in thought. "We should get goin. It's getting late, Pico." He says, turning on his heel.

Pico looked over at Darnell, scoffing. "C'mon Nene." He said, making a motion for Nene to follow him as he walked out of the alley way. Nene spat on [Y/n] before rushing after Pico and Darnell.

[Ok, so- i don't know much about Pico's school.. Or Nene and Darnell- so please forgive me if they're abit ooc-]

You wince slightly as you try to stand. "Are you alright?" A voice asked. You glanced over you're shoulder to see a tall figure.

They're voice was weird. Almost like a quiet echo. "W-who are.." "Don't worry about that." The voice cut you off. "You're obviously injured. Come here." The figure said, walking closer.

Ah, so it was a female. She had some fluffy purple like hair, and a mask on.

[It's my oc Eskel, if you don't mind me putting her in, she isn't being shipped with anyone, don't worry.]

You shuffled back slightly, frowning. "How do i know you're not with him?" You ask quietly. The female scoffed. "Who? That rat? Nah." She says, knealing down.

She was about 5'9 almost. She slid her mask off, revealing her navy blue eye. Her other eye had a patch of some sorts on it.

"So, you know him, i'm guessing, yeah?" The female says, pulling out an aid kit from her pocket. You nodded,sitting up more.

She gestured for your're arm, and began patching you up.

|×timeskip×|

"There. Better?" The female asks, her tail swaying behind her. You nod, smiling abit, "uh.. Thank you.." "It's Eskel." The female says, smiling.

[It's- pronounced 'Esgel' btw-]

"How about you come back to my home? It's late, and i don't want you walking back to you're house alone. Plus, i'm sure you live.. Pretty far from the city area," Eskel hummed, helping you up.

"Yeah.. Uhm.. Sure." You say, looking up at Eskel. She smiled, grabbing her mask before walking out of the alleyway, you by her side.

[×Timeskip×|

"Here we are." Eskel says, opening the door to her house. It was a loft apparently. You nervously looked around, seeing the large glass windows. "Ah- so- since you.. Live at the middle floor of the building.. And have.. Walls as windows.." You started.

"You aren't going to fall, and the windoes aren't going to break." Eskel reassures, slipping her boots off by the door. "Now, you can stay in the guest room for the night." She states.

You nod, and go upstairs to take a quick shower, and head to bed.

|×TimeSkip×|

You were currently in the mall, at the food court. Ever since you and Eskel met, you both became quick friends. When you left, you both exchanged numbers.

You were waiting for her to arrive at the food court since you had both went you're seperate ways to go shop. You hum, looking down at you're phone.

"[Y/n]."

You froze. That voice. Oh great. You turned to look over you're shoulder, only to see Pico, Nene, and Darnell. "The hell do you want?" You grumble, scowling.

Nene huffed. "Don't talk to us that way. Pico wanted to tell you something." She growls, shoving Pico forward. The ginger stumbled slightly, a bright red blush on his face.

"[Y/n].. Err.. I uhm.. HateYOU-" Pico exclaimed quickly, before shaking his head. 'Wait no- that's not how- uhm-" He sputtered out many words.

This just angered you further. "Pico. I fucking get it. You don't like me. Now get away from me before i call the cops." You respond quietly, squinting you're eyes.

"W-wait no no! I don't- i didn't mean too-" "Pico i said leave me ALONE!" "GO ON A DATE WITH ME!"

Silence. Nene and Darnell looked at eachother before laughing. "It took you long enough!" Darnell exclaimed. You were shocked. The fuck? He likes you?

"What kind of sick ass joke is this?" You ask bluntly. "I-it's not a joke, i s-swear! I really.. Want to d-date you, and i know i'm a shitty person, but please.. Those things i've done to you weren't right, and i know i'm wrong for that but.. I don't know, you were always so nice.. And kind.. And i just.. I messed up." He explained, staring at the ground.

You stared Pico up and down. "..So you aren't joking? Not trying to play me? Not trying to prank me?" You ask. Pico nodded, rubbing his neck.

You sigh, biting you're lip. "... Sure, Pico. I'll go out with you." You finally say, making Pico light up. "BUT. I swear to god, if you even think about fucking me over, i'm finding you." You growl lowly.

Pico nodded his head nervously, a crooked smile on his face. "Now, heres my number. Text me later, i'm shopping with a friend." You say, writing on a piece of paper before handing it to Pico.

The male shakily grasped the paper, gulping as he nodded and walked away with Nene and Darnell. "Wow. That was interesting to watch." Eskel said from behind, adjusting her sweater.

You roll you're eyes, looking at the russian female. "Shut up and come sit with me, i'm fucking starving." You huff, making Eskel laugh aloud.

______________________________________________

|•hope you guys enjoyed, this kinda sucks lmao- heyyy you got to meet my sad excuse of an oc- i'll draw her and post her eventually so.. 1015 Words!•|

[moonfurthetemmie]

I think showing blarvin would be necessary for the economy

JEJSUDDU okay I’ll put that up while I look for some angst

Please note that this is old as frick and very OOC as this was when I still thought DS Blue was actually a Bastard

- JR has a super high tech microwave in the main lounge room (or the one the Dream usually uses).

- One day Blue comes across it during one of his break ins and goes “Hmm. I should try it out.” Because boredom and plot

- Thirty minutes later Dream comes in and “Wha-who-why-what the hell?”

- On the table there’s a bunch of microwavable meals (easy mac, cup noodles, kid cuisine, instant potatoes, etc) all heated up, but the microwave is gOnE. The food is the only sign Blue was there but whY wOuLd He StEaL a MiCrOwAvE tHaTs RiDiCuLoUs

- Blue would find a way to inconspicuously take that microwave everywhere. Because he’s decided that it’s the best thing since cup noodles and microwave s’mores.

- And if anybody says anything condescending about his microwave-well he’ll probably send them little microwaved monsters and Barbie dolls. Because his microwave is beautiful and must be loved by all.

- By ‘microwave monsters’ I mean terrifying amalgamations of plastic items that once had their own shapes and pleasing colors, now melted and mangled into whatever Blue’s messed-up mind could conjure. And he’s REALLY messed up, so. You’ve been warned.

- Somehow it never occurs to Dream that Blue stole the microwave. Maybe because Blue used to talk down about them, saying that it’s much healthier and more fun to cook stuff with your own skills yada yada yada. Now tho Blue just talks shit about the cheap microwaves.

- He’d probably name the microwave Marvin or Mavis or something like that.

- Blue religiously cleans Marvin every week. He refuses to let it get covered in dust and blood-I mEaN food. And normal, non-monster dust. YeAh.

- Ok, fine. If the melted Barbie dolls don’t convince you to respect the Microwave of Destiny, then your obviously a lost cause. Blue WILL frame you for murder, cuz he knows he’ll never get caught. But you will ;)

- Or he’ll make you do him “a favor” that ends in you getting run over by a train or something. Whatever’s easiest or more entertaining.

- Speaking of entertainment, you know how certain soap bars do weird shit in the microwave? He likes to do that. It’s just so weird HOW DOES IT DO THAT that’s so cool—Also popcorn

- Blue would totally play with the clock settings on Marvin just to hear the beeping sounds it makes.

- Blue is ADHD confirmed-

- Oh and. Just to be sure he doesn’t accidentally do something stupid, Blue got rid of any and all metal silverware he owned. Now he uses plastic cutlery.

- The Meme Squad would eventually find out about Marvin, and Cross and Nightmare would make it a habit to send Blue metal things with notes like “For Marvin, with love <3” while Error’s like “9uy5 570p h3’5 901n9 70 k1ll u5”

- But as long as they don’t actually mess with Marvin it’s fi-WHO THE FRESH HECK TOUCHED MY MICROWAVE YOU HAVE TEN SECONDS TO HIDE

- Seriously though, he K N O W S when people touch his microwave. It doesn’t matter if he sees you committing the crime, he just. Knows. And he keeps track of everyone who’s seen Marvin in the past 48+ hours so he knows e x a c t l y who touched his baby.

- All he has to do is find you. Then? Screw manipulation and framing, he’ll kill you himself. With extreme prejudice. You do N O T touch Marvin unless you want to die.

- One day Ink decides to sneak into Blue’s house and test that theory, but Blue walks into the kitchen where Marvin’s little throne-alter is with Ink’s finger just millimeters away from the microwave and Blue’s like “Uh. Excuse me sir. That’s my microwave. Do you wish upon yourself to come into physical experience with a crummy juncture? Because if you move any closer to Mar-my microwave ima hafta diddly darn snap your neck.”

- Ink moves a bit closer, still not touching it and Blue just about loses his shit. “DiD yOu HaS a DuMb I sAiD nO tOuCh-”

- * t o u c h *

- *Loud angry noises and blood-curdling screams.*

- Ink was never the same again. He developed an irrational fear of fancy expensive microwaves.

- Dream is still clueless because he has more important things to do than look for a darn microwave.

- Blue busts in like “DREAM I HEAR U BE TALKIN CRAP ABOUT MY MICROWAVE?!?”

- At some point Cross gets the bright idea of putting aluminum foil in Blue’s microwave, but first he shapes it into something. I’ll leave that part up to you guys, but he opens the microwave with gloves on because he thinks that maybe Blue has a problem with finger prints-

- This is like the one time Blue leaves Marvin home and he gets back and screams in horror when he sees the dry-erase marker graffiti and the metallic atrocity sitting inside Marvin- “Marvin who did this to you I’lL mAkE tHeM pAy I’m so sorry I left you home I’ll never do it again TwT” he says as he cuddles the appliance.

- Cross totally left a camera hidden in Blue’s kitchen, by the way. So the Meme Squad now has rare and valuable footage of Blue freaking out over a microwave. And hugging it. Wtf.

- Ink finds the video and has a PTSD attack (because Blue f🤬ed him up for touching Marvin). He casually hands the USB to Dream before noping the heck outta there so he doesn’t have to see it again

- But, thanks to Error and his madjik hacking (he hacks right?), the USB has a virus in it that allows the Meme Squad to watch people through the cameras on their computers. So now they know Ink has a microwave phobia. And they get to watch Dream realize so many things.

- When Blue finds out who messed with his precious microwave he’s gonna start the M-Event—the X-Event except powered by his weird obsession with a fricken microwave

- Remind me who’s idea this was—at this point I’m just writing down whatever weird shit I can think of. Your welcome Silver

- Blue gets a shirt that says “I ❤️ my microwave” with a picture of one of Marvin’s brothers or sisters on it because goddamn it he loves Marvin. It was probably sent by Marvin’s creator (the microwave company that made Marvin) for advertising purposes. Even if Blue’s ‘love’ isn’t quite what they were going for.

“Marvin-Senpai~”

- Blue will proudly show you Marvin if you ask but don’t try to test it. Just... compliment the object. He will be very pleased with you and he won’t send you melted Barbie dolls. Unless you want him to, but he doesn’t do favors so don’t bother asking.

- There’s a 50% chance that Blue would rig Marvin to be able to call 911. Just for the fun of it. But that might ruined it so there’s a 50% chance he’d buy a cheap microwave for that and name it Mavis. Afterwards though he’d sell it to some weirdo on the streets, or drop it off at the Meme House because he has developed an odd respect for all microwaves, even if he has eye sockets for Marvin only. Even if Mavis was a decent kitchen appliance/source of radiation.

- Blue would probably write oddly heartfelt love poems about Marvin? Just when he had literally nothing else to do? And he keeps them v e r y well hidden because he knows they’d be really weird to someone else but he just-he wanted to see just how cheesy he could be. Turns out, cheesier than than a bad joke about cheese.

[has-gilgamesh-doneanythingwrong]

In regards to the high school Au, Gil meeting a shy yet pretty girl that he likes. What would he do to win her heart?

Hello, anon! I'm glad you enjoyed the high school AU. This will be an interesting continuation...TIME TO GO IN GUNS BLAZING!!

btw i made the reader insert character gender neutral so then it feels more like a dating sims game. :3

note: this is going to be a bit ooc (crackfic maybe)

Student Gilgamesh Developing a Crush (High School Au)

- Bored, Gilgamesh sips his wine on the school roof as usual; gorging himself in a specially-reserved bento box. He liked it up above, where he could just rest, instead of dominating the school so fiercely.

- When he hears the sound of pattering footsteps traipsing across his sacred grounds, anger thunders down on his face. "To think that such a foolish mongrel would have the nerve to entrench themselves upon my resting area...How dare you-" The words freeze in his throat, as he catches sight of you.

- From your posture, to the expression on your face...Gilgamesh was ensnared within the thorns of captivation!

- "E-err...sorry about that." You bow politely, as wind billows through your beautiful strands of hair, eyes blossoming like the finest of flowers. "You see, I just like to sit here too sometimes." Albeit being rather nervous, you bravely spoke up for yourself, which he liked. "I mean, I can leave if you'd like but I like this place too-" His brusque red eyes catch you off guard, as you duck your head in agony; twiddling your fingers.

- He was so scary!! As you fluctuated between wanting to leave and wanting to stay (because its not as if Gilgamesh owns the school roof or anything), his hands suddenly grip yours- as he pulls you towards him with all the force of a bull.

- "How adorable...how utterly enthralling you are! I never expected to witness such a fine beauty upon these school grounds." Gilgamesh has already latched into his hardcore flirting mode, leaning in awkwardly close to your face. "Mongrel. Tell me your name. NOW."

- Eyes wide with shock, you reluctantly tell him your name, only for him to proclaim that you shall have his interest from now on. "Although you are a beauty, you are naught but a mongrel. If you catch my eye from now on as well, so be it!" He tries to play it cool, but is actually much more interested than he wants to let on. "Take this land for yourself. I have no need for it anymore."

-As he leaves- face beaming with joy- an ominous pit of worry pools in your stomach. You knew the rumors all to well- of how Gilgamesh was pretty tough work, relentless once interested; and the tales of all the people who he had left broken and rejected. 'I'd better pick a god and pray...'

- However, you are greatly surprised by how tame his approach is at first (let's just say that he can be quite a nuisance at times). Besides from randomly slotting the occasional gift atop your desk, and winking whenever you passed him by; Gilgamesh was pacing himself for once.

- Once you nervously asked your friends about this, they reassured you that he wasn't always quite so hardcore as he seemed. "He only pops off once he's fully invested! All the best," Your stomach churned slightly at the idea of that. The amount of expert knowledge they had on his movements were insane. Everybody treated him like a local celebrity!!

- However, all things drastically change once he crosses paths with you during Sports Ed. Bunking off yet another class deemed too banal to entertain him, he strolls through school grounds- only to catch sight of your legs trembling as you parry the horrible sports ed teacher's serves; tears dropping from your eyes- as other students watch blankly on, hoping to avoid eye contact with the situation altogether.

- Once the teacher picks his next unfortunate target, Gilgamesh is surprised to see you rush to the back; only to be taken aback by the next sight lying before him.

- Helping take care of students injured by your demonic excuse for a Sports Ed teacher, you mouth words of encouragement to them, despite clearly shaking with fear yourself. Despite being extremely shy and scared, it seemed as if you were trying desperately to support others, as well.

- "Hoh..." Now he was certainly interested. Slinking back to his private zone, Gilgamesh vows to conduct a little more research on a certain asshole Sports Ed teacher...

- Luck seems to strike the pan, for another huge encounter occurs once he bumps into you at the shoe lockers. The sun slowly sinks across the horizon; dappling the world around you in a bright orange light.

- "You've been evading me so skillfully lately, mongrel. Have my divine offerings been to your liking?" Leaning against your locker, he grins mischievously at you; red irises dancing with amusement.

- "T-the chocolates were nice...but I'm fine without any gifts. So you don't have to bring them anymore." Hugging your plastered hands to your chest, you lower your head. Now just wasn't the time, you were already drained for the day. "I have to go, sorry..."

- Now that was a surprise. Usually people would be dying for his attention, not evading him like this! However, this was exactly to Gilgamesh's liking oh my god. Leaning forwards, he's just about to attempt to set your heart aflutter with some cheesy adages until...

- The Sports Ed teacher bursts in, eyes brimming with rage. "Y/N!!! WHY ARE YOU LATE? All that talk about 'i want to protect my friends', and then you can't even come to club on time, huh? You freaking coward!" By this time, the teacher is gripping you by the arms, as scared tears drop from your eyes, expression frightened.

- Eyes narrowing with disgust, Gilgamesh stares at the events unfurling before him. His research had uncovered a great deal of trash on this teacher, who was infamous for training students way past their limits; bullying them severely for not fitting his ridiculous standards.

- Grabbing the teacher by the scruff of his neck, Gilgamesh forcefully pulls him away from your quivering figure. "How pathetic a troglodyte you are, to be treating your fellow mongrels with such disdain. " Gilgamesh all but hisses into the teacher's ears. "You leave me no choice but to punish you."

- "Punish me? Who the hell do you think you are, you bastard?! I'll suspend you for touching me!" The teacher slaps Gilgamesh's palm away, as you watch them with terror. Things were getting ugly, and fast.

- "I'm Gilgamesh. Remember the name, mongrel- especially once I've casted your meagre buttocks out of this estate." Unveiling his golden-plated phone, a horrifying gleam lights in his eyes as he reveals a huge list of the teacher's misdemeanors. "I know what pathetic things you've been up to...and about your abuse of power. Not that I'd usually care, mind you." However, the teacher had the gall to threaten you. Which basically meant that he was now dead meat?! he was gonna destroy him XD

- Worried, you step in before Gilgamesh can unleash one of his terrifying bribes upon the teacher. "W-wait, Gilgamesh!" As he turns to you-shocked that you'd address him by name, you smile. "I-I think we should have him legally fired instead...but that's just me..." That way, he'd never be able to become a teacher again.

- "Hoh, how kind-hearted of you. Well, I shall honor your rather pitiable request once." Gilgamesh shoos off the bewildered teacher, who looks confusedly between you both. "Fate has bestowed you with generous luck today; you pathetic excuse for a teacher. Depart the premises at once!"

- However, the teacher is extremely prideful; and lunges to attack Gilgamesh- flying so wildly off the mark that he legitimately crashes into the teacher's office nearby. Which alerts all of the teachers of the ensuing scuffle. Which then results in you having to bravely explain the situation...which ends up with the teacher being MIRACULOUSLY FIRED ON THE SPOT?!!!!

- It was as if this chain of events was perfectly orchestrated. As you look towards him with both a mixture of awe and fear, he heartily laughs. "Fuhahaha! Let's just say that Lady Luck favors me quite greatly." That was a lie. Gilgamesh knew much more than he was letting on.

- "Thank you." For the first time, you truly smiled at him; sunlight beaming down on your face. "For a scary tyrant, you can be really helpful sometimes." Those were not the words he was expecting to hear at all! Coughing awkwardly, Gilgamesh puts on a mask of nonchalance to avoid his burgeoning feelings. You weren't meant to say that!!!

- "Fuhn, I wasn't doing it to help you, nor the other pathetic mongrels that troglodyte was bullying. Don't get cocky, lowlife." And with that he was gone, as you waved goodbye.

romancing bit (?!!)

- Seeing as Gilgamesh is now very interested in you, he will most likely make sure to cross paths with you as often as possible; saying all sorts of cheesy and flirty things. He sits with you during break, loudly sipping wine by your side as other students look on with amazement. He also leaves letters and gifts by your desk everyday. The letters are eerily direct, proclaiming ominous things such as 'we shall wed...'

- Overall, he is overzealous and extremely headstrong in his approach, not giving you enough time to breathe. However if you tell him that you feel overwhelmed by his actions, he reconsiders them briefly...only to go over-the-top in different ways instead; hoping that you'll be pleased by his advances. I think Gilgamesh needs to learn more about self-restraint here.

- He'll probably want to take you to many places as well, and try and bowl you over with limited edition experiences; things that are beyond your wildest dreams. He's probably also going to get very serious as well by increasing the time he spends by your side considerably. Expect to see him everyday from now on, too!

- Is he the type to do a shoujo-manga style entrance to sweep you off your feet? Yes. He does helicopter landings every now and then, thrusting a bouquet at you. He also hires people to serenade you at times, much like something out of a romantic novel; and loves seeing your surprised reactions.

- He will get quite pushy at times, so it's recommended to alert him if you're not enjoying it. In his eyes, the two of you are as good as close contemporaries now.

- Exasperated, he finally decides to ask "Mongrel. What is it that you desire? Anything you shall wish for will be in your hands." He's absolutely convinced that he can do anything to win you over. However when you reply with a simple, "...I'd like some help with my studies!" as your adorable cheeks flush with determination, he sighs. There was no winning over you with conventional means. Yet, he is also spurred on by the challenge.

- "Although your response is a terribly common one, I'll oblige you." He certainly will. "With my expertise, you'll be acing all of your classes from now on!" When a color-coded, detailed guide on all of your subjects lands on your desk the next day, as Gilgamesh smiles smugly at you.

- As you flick through the pages, you see detailed notes on all the things you don't understand, and are quite shocked by the quality level of this. "T-this is amazing!" You gasp. "How did you do this?!"

- "I have my sources." He really did. "Mongrel. From now on, I shall stand by your side. Do not hesitate to call upon my assistance if need be." And with that, his word is final.

- I have a feeling that once he likes someone, he'll hold onto them quite tightly, and will do as much as he can to impress them; going out of his way to win their heart.

[come-on-shitty-boys]

hehe ok this is rly long tho but i was afraid tumblr would eat them if i sent separate asks so forgive me for that yall 🤧 but i've been thinking abt wearing matching jewelry with your domesticated snake suguru ♥️ for some reason i see him as someone that likes to gift jewelry so on your second anniversary he gives you a promise ring in a pretty turquoise box 🥰 and he proudly wears a matching one on his ring finger (he wears it on a necklace under his jersey when he has a game) 🥺💍♥️ you surprise him with a dainty "S" hanging from your necklace one day he almost died pls he loves you so much 🥺

he holds your purse when you go out, carries your shopping bags, puts his jacket around you when it's cold, holds your skirt/dress down w his hand on the back of your thighs when it's windy (based on your hcs that he likes thighs 👀)️ he never EVER wants you to be uncomfortable *ahem* simp ♥

ooc (maybe?) but i think he likes to go out to the club sometimes mainly just bc i think he's SUCH a good dancer (this one is based on his stage actor lol) like who'd have thought but boy can he move he's a king on the dancefloor and men who can dance are HOT so you're sitting at the bar like "thank you he's mine" 🤩😍

he obvi has big hands and he gets this little smile when you compare your hand sizes 🥺 he's so in love 🤧 he will teasingly point it out if there's a big difference tho don't think he won't 🙄

oh and he calls you his "little mouse" sometimes when he's feeling frisky bc snakes like to eat mice 😍♥️ anyway daishou INVENTED being a boyfriend hand in marriage sir pls 😤💍

hang on just give me a moment while i try to remember how to breath because i’m going to cry because fuck these are all too cute.

A H E M

Daishou would.  He’s absolutely the type of guy to give his s/o a promise ring, but the fact that he has a matching one ✋😭 gone 😭 i’m a weenie 😭 and he shows it off every chance that he gets 😭 he always waits to the last possible moment to take it off before games.  Like, he’s in that captains meeting right before they start and he’s just then taking it off and it’s only because his coach keeps giving him the side eye. dkfhkedfkheh b y e the ref looks at him taking it off and insert daishou rambling about you and it’s not even part of his “Mr. Nice Guy” ploy, but it kinda makes the ref like him more because it’s really cute that he’s so in love 🥺

gentleman daishou is just *swoon*.  He was once carrying your Victoria Secret bag, Sephora bag, and had your purse while you went to the bathroom and a group of guys walked by, kinda laughing at him, but wowowowow did they shut the fuck up when you came back and placed a kiss on his cheek because what the hell she’s hot

Suguru dancing 🥴🥴 don’t mind me 🥴🥴 i just know that he really knows how to move his hips like a god and that’s 👏 so 👏 hot 👏 other people always try to dance with him if you’re at the bar, but this boy ✋😌 he is a loyal man.  Some girl will to come up against him and his hands are immediately on her shoulders, moving her away from him, explaining that he’s taken 🥰

LISTEN I HAVE CHILD SIZED HANDS THEY ARE SO SMALL SO THIS ONE FJEHFJEWFCOO DEAD DECEASED omg if the difference is big enough, he’s going to like fold his fingers over yours (idk if that makes sense . . . one of my friends used to do that to me and it always made my heart all wiggly and warm).  He’s going to tease the absolute shit out of you for having small hands, but he can’t lie 🥺he thinks it’s so cute how his hand just seems to absolutely swallow yours when you guys are holding hands and i know that he probably has a picture of the two of you comparing hand sizes (WEARING YOUR PROMISE RINGS ✋😭 I AM NOT OKAY MY HEART IS SO WARM) saved on his phone and i wouldn’t be surprised if he has it as his phone background 🥰

pleasemrdaishousugurusircanipleasebeyourlittlemouse;-; just him hissing, “look how cute my little mouse is when she’s all flustered like that” in your ear, that smirk oh so present in his voice 🥴 and it’s always MY little mouse.  He’s probably very possessive with his pet names and always says things like my angel, my baby girl🥰

[dented-nado]

Well I mean, since you asked for requests - “If you want me, come and get me.” Maybe with the trinity? I can picture Bruce saying it as Diana and Clark try and force him to go to bed like a normal person 😂 or you know, whatever strikes your fancy!

[[HELL YES. Bruce is slightly ooc because he’s incredibly sleep deprived and I saw it as an opportunity for him to act a little loopy lol. That’s how I am at least when I’m very sleep deprived, so pulling from personal experience here. Enjoy!!]]

“It’s only been one night. Give me a break.”

“Bruce, Honey, I know its hard to tell in Gotham, especially in the winter, but it’s been several nights you haven’t been getting any sleep.” Diana pulled the chair Bruce was sitting in away from the bat-computer against Batman’s wishes.

Bruce was sure she and Clark were exaggerating, it couldn’t have been that long. Besides, he wasn’t even tired, not even a little bit.

“I’m fine, you two can stop clucking over me like hens, thanks.”

“I’ll cluck all I want when it comes to your sleeping schedule mister.” Clark declared firmly.

“Especially not after you convinced me that some humans can be ‘totally fine’ not sleeping for several days and making me feel like I wasn’t quite so weird for a split second before that all came crashing down.” Clark crossed his arms, pouting just a little bit. He didn’t seem actually that annoyed but…

Admittedly, he still felt a little bit bad about that.

“I know… I lied when I said some humans. I meant me, specifically, because I’m fine, I’m great, I’m good, I’m bursting with youthful vigor now both of you let me work. There’s crime afoot.” He declared, trying to pull his chair back forward, only to frown as he realized Diana still had an iron grip on it, so instead he stood up and walked back to the computer instead.

“Bruce, your being ridiculous… and you said "There’s crime afoot” out loud. You’re tired.“ Diana said exasperated with a hand on her head.

"Also, no offense sweet bean… but you look like you’ve been through hell, you have probably the most intense looking bags under your eyes I’ve ever seen.” Clark said, trying to be gentle but serious.

“I look fucking awesome.” Bruce protested in annoyance, not even sure what he was really doing on the computer outside of looking busy. “You’ve heard Harv, I’m a fucking pretty boy. And I feel fan-god-damn-tastic.”

Clark and Diana gave each other a look that said “Yep, he’s lost it.” That Bruce didn’t much appreciate.

He forgot what he was even doing, his new ultimate goal was to not go to sleep no matter what because he was f i n e dammit.

“Bruce, please come to bed. Besides, you know, we’ll be right there with you, we miss you.” Clark pleaded, giving Bruce very tempting puppy dog eyes.

“We can spend a little time tiring you out if you want Bat.” Diana said, soothingly rubbing his shoulder.

Tempting. But he was the god damn batman, so… “No, no bribing me doing the horizontal tango, I have a job to do.”

“The horizontal…” Diana began.

“T a n g o. Bruce, pl ea se , you need to sleep.” Clark finished.

“Why can’t I use creative words without you two thinking it means I’m tired, hmm? Clark’s called me a bean before, I am but a bean, let me live my bean life.” He momentarily felt a little dizzy and a little like he was loosing track of time and space, but regardless he made his way to the bat-mobile to go… somewhere…. who knows.

“Oh-ho-ho no, absolutely not, you are not driving like this.” Clark said immediately super-speeding in front of Bruce acting as a big warm teddy bear-like wall between Bruce and his car.

“I can do what I want. I’m rich, I’m bi, I’m batman, and I fight crime. Now ”scoot your boot.“ as they say where you come from.” Bruce said, trying to move around Clark who was so freaking fast for some reason.

“I have never said scoot your boot.” Clark said with raised eyebrows.

“Really?” Bruce asked somewhat deliriously. “Seems like a cowboy thing…” He  mumbled while moving the cowl up slightly so he could rub at his eye.

“…Would you come to bed if I dressed like a cowboy?”

Tempting. But not even saving a horse and riding a cowboy could get him to give up on his current stubborn crusade that he couldn’t even remember why he had to be on so bad… why had he been up in the first place??

“…No, so yeehaw your ass out of my  w a y .”

“No way, and your yee-haw-ing your a… s…… booty up to bed now,  you’re completely delirious.”

“Fine… maybe I don’t know what I’m doing, or where I’m going, or why right now, but I’m the world’s greatest detective, I’ll figure it out.” Bruce grumbled in annoyance.

He started walking back to his computer since he apparently couldn’t go to his car, but when he tried to sit back down he nearly yelped as it seemed Diana had thought ahead, so he had sat down right into her lap and now her very strong muscular arms were now wrapped around his waist.

“Gotcha.”

“Fu c k.” Bruce mumbled.

This was quite the predicament Batman had gotten himself into! Would he be able to figure out how to escape the strong arms of the Wonder Woman? Tune in next time, same bat-time, same bat-channel!

… Bruce squirmed for a moment grumbling before bowing his head.

“Fine… you’ve won, let’s go to bed…” Bruce conceded.

“That’s more like it” Diana said with a sigh as she gingerly let go.

That was when Bruce took his chance to escape with a triumphant and slightly evil laugh as he took off into the depths of the bat-cave.

“BruCE!” Diana chided.

Bruce just continued cackling, dropping a smoke bomb as he completely forgot that would do nothing against Clark’s super vision as he decided to head for the bat-plane. Good thing he had several bat-themed vehicles.

“Bruce get back here!” He heard Clark call sternly.

“You’re going to get yourself hurt!” Diana yelled.

“If you want me, come and get me!” Bruce taunted with an incredibly delirious smile, not realizing he was about to run into a wall.

He would have, if Clark had not been in front of him again in an instant, causing Bruce to collide with Clark’s chest rather than a rock hard wall. Clark scooped Bruce up into his arms despite the Bat’s protesting and flew him back over to where Diana had her arms crossed and was tapping her foot.

She softly flicked the tip of Bruce’s nose to get his attention and to stop flailing. “Now are you going to be a good bat and change out of the suit yourself, or are we going to have to rip you out of it kicking and screaming?”

Bruce frowned, before getting another idea and perking up slightly. “…There are other ways of getting me out of it~” He said putting on his flirtiest Brucie voice.

“Nice try B, but you blew your chance at the 'horizontal tango’ when you decided to bolt like that.” Clark said looking down at Bruce now with his own smirk on his face.

“Aw, nuts…” Bruce grumbled in surrender, going limp as Clark set him down, pulling off the cowl as he knew he was defeated.

“Your not getting any nuts B, keep up.” Clark said absolutely delighted.

Diana rolled her eyes. “You pick now to make a joke like that Kansas?”

Clark grinned. “Judging by how sleepy he is he won’t even remember that I made my first ever joke like that in front of him.”

“How devilish of you.” Diana commented with an amused smile.

Bruce grumbled as he stripped off the rest of the batsuit. “I wanted nuts though.” He mumbled. “nuts sound good. I like nuts… especially cashews.”

“Your right, he’s definitely not going to remember.” Diana commented, taking Bruce’s hand once he was down to the black undershirt and thin pants he wore under the suit.

Clark put his hand on Bruce’s back as the moved out of the cave. “Come on sleepy-head, off to an adventure called 'bed-time’.”

“But I wanted to fightttt…” Bruce slurred slightly.

“You can fight exaustion by sleeping.” Diana suggested.

“I’ll kick exaust-ian’s a s s.”

“That’s the spirit.” Clark laughed as he gingerly lifted the incredibly tired bat onto his bed before going to get ready for bed himself along with Diana.

“What are we going to do with that man?” Diana whispered, unable to help a small smile, after they had changed into their sleep clothes and came back to find Bruce completely zonked out , snoring slightly with his mouth hanging open.

“We’ll force him to have a normal sleep schedule yet.” Clark whispered, getting into bed and pulling Bruce close in order to spoon him.

Diana joined in on the other side, snuggling Bruce’s head against her chest and putting her arm around both him and Clark as she got settled.

“Our new mission?” Diana suggested.

“Our new mission, will kick ’'exaust-ian’s” butt.“ Clark whispered with a grin.

Diana had to bite her lip to keep from laughing.

"You’ll make a joke about Bruce wanting 'nuts’ but you’ll never say the word "ass”, will you?“ She asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Nope.”

They shared a quiet chuckle before settling in to fall asleep themselves, their very tired, but at least now very asleep bat cuddled between them.

[actor-mark]

Red Candles Pt 15

OOC: How to vote: Send your choice in an ask to this blog. Comments, reblogs and dms will not count as I do not get notifications for them nor do I want to screenshot from several places. I’ve spotted a couple of older choices coming through, please make sure to check by the blog to be up to date with the latest post! Thank you!

------------------------------------------------------------

Glitchy Arrow

You feel a little frazzleD, so many directions to go, so many ways to turn, at this point anything could be a sign. As much as you’d have liked to have left, you feel this need to follow the glitching arrOw and sigh heavily as you make your way to the elevator.  Out of Order.  Of course it is... Welp. Stairs it is!  There’s aNother flicker in the lights, then another, then another, leading down the stairs... Much like the arrow you feel the need to follow the hopefully faulty wiring and begin the descent downstairs. 

You watch the floor numbers. 1. G. LL. BL. Finally the stairs run out as things grow very cold down here. It’s dark and foreboding and the only thing down this low in a hospital is likely noT where you want to ever end up.  ɥⅎ ɯɹʅꝹ

Carefully you push the heavy fire door open into the icy cold room and the motion trigger lights flicker into life, one of them continuing to flicker in the corner and like before you venture over in that direction. It goes still once you reach the area but there doesn’t seem to be any other indication as to what you’ve been lead to. 

You cast a glance over the various cadaver fridges and their labels. No real indication to anything. Why are you here? 

“ZOMBIE!!! AAHH!!!” 

You nearly jump out of your skin as you reel around just in time to see a metal tray come swinging for your head. You quickly duck, then duck again as the tray comes back for another swing, quickly backing off with your hands up shaking your head.  The man pauses, looking you over then slowly lowers the tray “Wh- .. y-youre not a- D-DONT SCARE ME LIKE THAT! Yikes.... “ He ran a hand over his face and slowly set the tray back where it belonged.  “Sorry about that... You spend so long with a bunch of bodies not moving and suddenly see movement when you’ve been alone for hours it kinda-.. aheh... oh- uh... Are you alright? You don’t look so good? ... C-Come over here let me take a look at you” 

Now that the Doctor mentions it, you’ve felt really tired and exhausted, a little sluggish. Maybe you are sick? Still, maybe the doctor has some answers for you? You agree to head over to the stool and let him take a look at you.  “Hmm lets see here. Cold temperature? That’s not Good” It’s the room temperature but hey.  “Hmm frantic eyes” He shines a very bright light right in your face and instinctively you retract. That flash light could have burnt a hole in your face! Geez!  “hmm, sensitivity to light” No shit sherlock! The heck was that? A hand held sun? “Say ahhh” You open your mouth for him to see inside. “Ahhh” ...... “ahh- no?” He pauses to look at you again “hm... Not good”  The doctor scribbled a few things down before slowly taking off his head mirror and running a hand over his mouth “I-.... Im ... Im sorry-..... You’re dying” He spoke it so dramatically. Perfect for any sort of hospital drama on TV.  You lift an eyebrow at him. Dying? SurE. Besides the fatigue -which is most likely from all the rabbit holes you’ve been sent down and the fact that by now it’s probably close to 8am with how long you’ve been at this, you’ve not had any sleep or breakfast. You shake your head but he shakes his head back

“I’m sorry.. I can make iT quick for you, you wont have to suffer”  Whoa whoa whoa!  “Hold still”  HANG ON A SEC-

The deed was done before you even had a chance! This psycho doctor just up and smacked you around the head with the silver tray and out went the lights!  What the hell dude! Worst. Doctor. Ever.  The knock out certainly didn’t kill you, but the five or six whacks to your skull afterwards certainly did the trick to finish you off...  puǝᴉɹᖵ ʻǝɯoɔʅǝϺ

Death isn’t so bad though. Nice and dark, calming, peaceful. Like being asleep- or..well.. that’s what it should have been. As you slowly blink open your eyes to look around, you see your body being stuffed into one of the cadaver fridges and Dr. Iplier wander out muttering a song to himself. What a nut job...  Movement however catches your eye and you see someone trying to open one of the fridges. They weren’t there before.  You venture closer, tapping them on the shoulder, they turn to face you and you can’t help but stumble back in surprise. Faceless.  as you scramble back in shock you bump into someone else, whirl around, another faceless person! Your eyes quickly catch sight of the other 8 figures without faces in the room. 

This is some sort of nightmare surely? Another of Marks tricks!? You back away staring in horror but as you watch the group of faceless people they all begin to point in the direction of one fridge in particular. 

Slowly you realize they’re trying to help you, gather yourself enough to move again and wander over to the fridge.  Moving in death is ..hard. It’s like trying to wade through sludge. The air is thick and heady. Like trying to wade through neck deep swamp mud and the more you move the tighter in holds. After 2 steps you’re unable to move and end up holding still.  One of the faceless beings, wearing what appears to be prison cLothing, looks to you, then seems to glitch out before appearing by the fridge they pointed at. Another dressed in casual clothing and featuring multiple shark bite wOunds does the same, glitching out and reappearing by the fridge unit.  .sn ǝɹɐ no⅄ .noʎ ǝɹɐ ǝϺ

You get the idea, you’ve seen this before after all. Movement is hard, you have to will yourSelf over there instead. And you do. With a familiar flicker and glitch you appear at the fridge. You learnt from the best after all.  

Carefully you manage to glitch open the fridge to see the body inside or raTher what’s been stuffed inside with it.  A candelabra! 

Black sleek and exactly what you’ve been hunting own this entire time! There’s just one problem... No candles.  You take another look at the body inside. A mangled and rotten set of remains. Chewed to pieces by an alligator maybe. You recognize the grey suit...  Curiosity takes you and you cant help but start pulling open the other fridges.  Mark. Mark. Mark. Mark.  Mark. All of them. Death by falling, death by being eaten, death by hole to the chest, death by anchor, death by being punched through a prison wall, death by gunshot- the list goes on. 

Slowly you back away with the candelabra, a ghostly hand reaching to touch your shoulder and you whirl around. Suddenly you realize who these people are. They have no names.  Or rather. They have YOURS.  It’s a strange feeling but you understand these people are in the same situation as you. You nod to them and they nod back before pointing you to the work bench in the middle of the room.  Glitching over to it much like Darkiplier you get the drawer open. 

Before you lie the following objects:  - Scalpel - Syringe - Tweezers - Forceps  - Claw Hammer - Lighter - Empty Test Tube - Pen

You’re not sure why they pointed you here, its not like you can light that lighter in your current state, now you think of it youre not sure how you have this candelabra at all, but the way it’s glitching with you suggests it may not exist on the living side.  .ʞɔɐq noʎ puǝs uɐɔ ǝϺ

Youre a little stumped and not sure what to do here. 

Your choices are as follows: 

Offer the Candelabra to the Y/N’s Maybe they know where the candles are? But there’s still the task of trying to light them.. Is this even the right one? 

Is that a light? The door you came through is glowing in a weird way, it’s soothing, calling, you could go open the door and see friends again, family, you hear your name being called... You’re so tired.... A nap sounds great... 

.....

......

No. 

You shake your head. 

Your choice has been made for you. 

You Offer The Candelabra To The Y/N’s.... 

OOC: Tomorrows option has been made for you. You’re close to the end friends!  I ask that you take todays vote to send me your thoughts, feelings, what youve enjoyed and what youve disliked on this adventure! I as the writer have very much enjoyed seeing the reasons behind your votes and the theories others have worked on! I’m over the moon with how well this turned out and you can bet I’ll do another in future.  This CYOA has helped a lot with planning for ANWM2 (a discord based CYOA) and you can bet I’ll post the discord link here when its ready to go (itll be a while!)  thank you everyone for being on this journey!

[1zashreena1]

The Homicide is Hot -12

18+, m/f/f, technically OCxDiego Jimenez [Power]

Summary: Princess struggles with her own morality. But all cats are gray in the dark, right? Oh, and Diego has an epiphany.

WARNINGS: Ridiculous descriptions and ‘the code is more like guidelines’ outlook on grammar. Is it OOC if the character was given essentially zero development in canon???

Literal murder guys, seriously*** Protective Diego, feels, a blow job, plus size woman+fit man, insightful and helpful Julio, f o r e s h a d o w i n g

A/N:  Princess took on a life of her own and has essentially become an OC. There are infrequent mentions of her description (specifically as plus size) and her actual name in later pieces (its Bicki). She started as self-insert so she looks like me (plus size, white, short, blue eyes, curly hair). If that is not your thing, I totally understand. And do not feel obligated to read this, I will not be offended!

I’m not a fan of “plot” so be aware that most of this series is just meandering through their relationship, angst-fluff-smut whiplash style. But with dick jokes.

Please don’t hesitate to let me know if you would like to be tagged or removed.

TAGLIST: @chelsfic​ @symbiont13​ @nicke0115​​ @bunnykjm​ @rosee-sensuelle​ @girlpornparadise​ @mandoplease​ @heresathreebee​ @xxsteph-enrixx​ @jetiikad​ @joalsglasses​ @mutantcookiesecrets​ @demoncatstone​ @squidlywiddly87​ @lockedoutofmyotherblog​ @poeedamerons​

gif by @el-cheung​

"Its hot when he's homicidal." There. You said it.

Okay but remember that time when he stabbed two dudes and carved an ear off of a third? And you were gonna like, die if you didn't blow him IMMEDIATELY??? 

WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME.

Wait, wait. Maybe this is … good? That is not the correct word but you know what I mean. If I'm going to be with someone in his position then I need to be able to handle everything that entails, right? 

You glance over at TMP, the small stuffed panther is facing you on the breakfast bar. You know its ridiculous, but you feel like he's watching you. It only takes half a second, but you flip the stuffie around so he can't be a voyeur just like his namesake.

The small dry erase board in your lap reflects sunlight back up into your face. Its covered in anxious scribbles regarding last weekend, you're desperately trying to sort them into some semblance of helpfulness. It isn't going well.

I already know he is in love with me, straight out of the horse's mouth. Lol 'horse'.

Seriously. You cannot go one day without a dick joke. 

I love him. I mean, how can I claim to love someone if I don't accept all of them? He doesn't maim indiscriminately, it has a point. Is it justified? I don't know. Do I trust his judgment on it being justified? I think I do. I guess the better question is: Do I care? 

I'm already in it. He's paying half my bills, he already paid off all my debt. I've accepted so many gifts with the knowledge that they were bought with laundered drug money. Hell, every article of clothing I'm wearing right fucking now was purchased by Diego. Also, he said that those guys lost a shipment to the tune of EIGHTY THOUSAND DOLLARS, so you know, that's an accessory charge. At this point, even if I decide I have some arbitrary moral high ground, I'm definitely rolling around in a ditch, legally speaking.

You've always known that your morality was a bit off center than most people's, but being with Diego has put it into sharp relief. There are so many things that are illegal that you just don't care about. And your very visceral reaction that night was irrefutable proof.

-----------------------------

Last weekend

Diego does not like the cold. The heat in the SUV is turned way up, you already closed the vents on your side of the backseat. You're on your phone, pretending to ignore the massive hand sneaking under the hem of your dress while your legs are flopped over his lap.

Diego rumbles at you, the phone comes down just enough for you to peek over the top at him.

"Yes? Is there something you would like, my Murder Panther?" Your smirk is damn near audible as you question him. 

His eyes trail down to your lap then back up before he answers in a growl, "There is something I would love." The rockiness of his voice never fails to make you quiver just a tiny bit.

Just as those long fingers brush your thong his phone chirps. Repeatedly. And then starts ringing.

Diego snatches the cell out of his jacket pocket and hisses at the screen. Not good, you think. He answers it with a tirade of Spanish, shoots you an incomprehensible look, then retreats from you. Nooooo.

Being the only one in the car who doesn't speak Spanish is its own variety of delightful hell. Bastian and Julio are exchanging meaningful looks in the front while you just have to wait. Diego has gone quiet, which is utterly terrifying.

He disconnects the call, then passes the phone to Julio, who shows it to Bastian, who then changes course.

Diego reluctantly pulls your dress back down as you drop your feet to the floor. He raises a thick arm and tucks you into his side underneath it before kissing the top of your head apologetically.

"We have to run an errand."

-----------------------

The warehouse looks like it came straight out of a Law and Order episode. Its abandoned yet eerily lit from the inside, there is a suspicious assortment of motley vehicles parked outside, and two tattoo covered dudes toting semiautomatics appear as you pull up. 

"Please tell me those belong to you." You mutter quietly. Your immediate concern is Diego's safety.

Diego gives you the shark smile. "The men or the guns, Princess?" 

In the dark, at this incredibly sketchy location, and with the threat of violence thick in the air, he is actually a little bit scary.

You swallow the apprehension and glare at him with a raised chin. "Yes." You snap, crossing your arms in a stubborn huff. Holding his gaze right now is kind of intimidating but you manage it.

"Si, everything here is mine." His voice is hard as steel but the hand that comes up to grip your chin is gentle. It takes a second for you to realize that he is including you in that group. And that you like it.

You take in his features, those eyes are black in the darkness, but the silver in his beard glints in the partial moonlight. The defined jawline, his long straight nose, those perfectly framed velvet lips, thick brows and even thicker hair. So fucking gorgeous. Cupping his bristly cheeks, you whisper one requirement, "Just make sure to come back to me, baby."

Diego leans his forehead down on yours briefly, then kisses your nose. "Wait here for Diego, my Princess." His voice is dark and dripping with emotion. Julio opens the car door from outside and Diego steps out, adjusting his jacket and tucking the abalone-inlaid gun into his pants. He doesn't look back as they walk away.

Bastian steps out and closes the driver's door to smoke. The only door left open is the rear passenger next to where you sit. You're too preoccupied to stay focused on your cell. You look up to see that Bastian is on his phone, Probably his boyfriend checking on him. You can certainly understand that.

Faint voices float out of the open warehouse garage door, but everything is in Spanish. You slide down to the pavement and pace slowly. Its been almost twenty minutes, should you try to check on him? Each lap of pacing takes you ever closer to the empty doorway, purely by happenstance of course, until finally, finally, you can see people inside. 

There are three men kneeling on the floor, surrounded by at least two dozen others armed to the teeth. There are more guns than you have ever seen in your life, all being handled casually. Diego paces slowly in front of them, rattling off some rambling array of options, judging from his tone. Whatever he just said must have been unfavorable because two of the kneeling men start crying and begging. I should not be here.

Diego digs both hands deep into his pants pockets, as though searching for a lost item, only to pull out the larger of the switchblades that you know he always carries. Ambling forward, he snatches the man furthest from you by the hair and yanks his head back. The angle looks excruciating, but what happens next is infinitely worse. The blade glints under the overhead lighting as Diego slides it smoothly across the man's throat, triggering a cascade of red.

Diego just slit his throat.

Diego just killed that man.

Diego just committed murder.

You're frozen. Think. Think. If you move now someone will hear your shoes, you stuff a hand into your mouth just in case you make any noise. Your plum dress and black booties should blend into the night, thank fuck the dress is longer so there's less gleaming pale leg to reflect the moonlight.

I should go I should go back to the car I should go home. Your thoughts are racing but you can't look away as Diego skirts the rapidly expanding pool of blood and approaches the next man. He leans down to listen to the doomed man's pleas, one huge hand on his shoulder in mock comfort. Almost faster than your eyes can follow, Diego stabs him three times in the chest. The man coughs, then chokes on blood. Diego nudges him backwards to the floor with an expression of mild disgust before he can cough blood onto those exceedingly expensive shoes. The noise of his death is a quiet gurgle.

You can't feel your legs. Your stomach plummets and your heart rate leaps. This is Diego. This is my man. This is who he is and what he does. And this is what happens if you wrong him.

Just like I'm doing right now?

Sudden understanding makes your palms sweat and your jaw shake. Breathe. I trust him. You know, all the way down to the bottom of your soul, that he would never do anything like this to you. 

I'm different.

I'm special. 

I'm important. 

I have power.

The thrill of getting away with something courses up your spine. 

All of these men are his to command, available at his beck and call, and his to dispatch as he sees fit.

And you? Diego belongs to you. This powerful man chooses to kneel at your feet and pleasure you with his mouth, he dotes on you with gifts and gourmet dining, he waits for your text responses with baited breath. You want nothing more than to belong to him.

Movement snaps you out of your own head; Diego is approaching the last man, all confident stalk and predatory grin. A different feeling settles low and deep in your abdomen. Murder Panther. MY Murder Panther. 

Diego strokes over the man, no, this one is younger, the young man's hair. He is definitely an adult, but hasn't been for very long. Diego is whispering in his ear, the guy nods frantically and tilts his head toward you. You watch in morbid fascination as Diego carves off his ear. 

Diego wipes the blade off on the man's shirt, then pats him on the head as he walks off casually. He gestures to the group as he puts the knife away and they close ranks to help the lone surviving man to his feet and carry him off. 

Before you can jolt your body into retreating Diego turns to head your way. He glances up… and sees you.

His face, Oh no. Shock, horror, dismay, annoyance, and finally, determined resolution all cross his features in under three seconds. He uses his broad body to block you from his men's view and marches you back to the SUV. "Get in." He snarls, but he doesn't push you.

You slide all the way across the backseat to crash against the opposite side and Diego follows, slamming the door behind him and locking it. He scrubs a hand down his face and turns to you, expression grim.

You can't imagine what you look like, Probably a scared little bunny. But what you feel like? Oh, that is a different story. Damn near everything about what you just witnessed was so fucking hot. The actual homicides were kind of 'meh' (What is wrong with me???), but his power and ability and danger? Those you are definitely into.

He looks simultaneously defeated and defiant. "Well?" He barks with an expectant gesture. "This is me. This is what I do. You call me Murder Panther, but its different to see, isn't it, Princess?" The way he spits out his pet name for you hurts. He's lashing out in fear. He thinks I'm gonna run.

You keep your eyes locked with his as you reach out to his leg. He flinches at the contact but stays stiff. Your voice is smoky and dark, "I need you. Right fucking now. Give me your dick."

For the first time since you've met, Diego is speechless. His jaw hangs open while he watches you sink to your knees in front of him. Seemingly paralyzed, he just blinks as you rip his pants open and yank the material down over his hips. The instant you achieve clearance for his cock your mouth is on him. Your moan must vibrate the entire vehicle its so loud.

"Princess!" He finally gasps. "You. What. Fuuuck, what is. Oh, hell yes." His hips jerk and you dig your nails into his lower abdomen. He is fully erect in seconds, a little confusion isn't enough to cockblock Diego. Big hands flit through your peripheral vision erratically before settling on your head. The angle is finally correct and you slide him all the way down your throat, he practically howls with it. "Ahh, h-haaa. Jesus fuck, that feels so good. Shit, shit. Princesss." 

The way he calls for you, writhing with it, is almost too much. You moan back but don't stop bobbing your head on his length. Firm suction intermixed with sporadic long licks of your broad tongue have him leaking steadily in no time. Your left hand cups his balls, squeezing gently just to feel him tense up. He's salty, but not bitter. You want it. You need him.

Your right hand snakes down to hike up the dress. Once it’s over your wide hips you spread your knees so you can sink down onto his shoe. He doesn't notice at first, not until your hips start rocking in time with your suction. 

He grabs a fistful of hair to get your attention. "Are. Fucking christ woman, are you riding my foot?!" His eyes are huge, mouth open to pant.

You nod tightly, "Mm hmm." The moan vibrates all along his cock, causing his hips to rise off the seat.

"Ohh, oh fuck. You're so wet. I can hear it." He groans as though in agony. The thrusts begin to pick up pace and you grind down onto him. Your mouth can open just wide enough to accommodate the majority of his girth, you already know your neck is going to kill you tomorrow. Worth it. The skin of his cock is silky slick with both of you, he glides across your tongue easily but it requires pressure to fit him down your throat. Its like consuming fire, you're burning up from the inside out and its painfully perfect. 

In the darkness of the unlit SUV you can't see anything, you can only hear Diego moan and pant while your nose is buried in the soft hair on his lower belly. The intensity of being engulfed in his scent drives you to distraction, you grind down hard on his foot and you're so, so close. His hips lift off the seat to push deeper and you ride his motions, swallowing around the head of his cock. One enormous hand sinks deep into your curls, he pulls gently just because he knows you like it. His purr is deep, "My perfect little Princess."

That's all it takes. You drop your entire weight onto his foot to shudder and whine as an orgasm rips through you. Hips jerking in time with each spasm deep inside, you ride out all the waves without ever breaking rhythm on his dick.

Diego is frozen in shock as he realizes what just happened. He pulls you off, much to your whining disappointment, to stare down at you in awe. He stutters a little, "Good. Girl."

The instant he releases ringlets you dive down onto him with renewed vigor. The emphatic praise only spurs you on even stronger. Everything is wet; his dick, your mouth, his pants, your chin, the seat, your dress, his shoe. Everything. The sounds, the way he tastes, you're desperate to have him. 

"You want this? You want Diego?" His voice is so rough, so harsh. You nod tightly and moan for him, high pitched and hoarse. "Princess, so damn good, take it. Take all of me. Fuck, you look goddamn amazing on my cock." His hands stroke endlessly over your hair, his hips are jerking harshly and you know he is close. "Shit. Shit shit shit. Come," he is gasping, panting, "Come again for Diego, mi amor." His body stiffens, his legs shake, the grip in your hair tightens, and his head drops backwards to the seat as he pours down your throat in scorching jets. 

Diego collapses, boneless and breathless, but you don't release him. Your right hand shoots down between your legs to work your clit furiously while you continue suckling softly. 

"Yesss," he sighs upon noticing your actions. His voice drops low, overflowing with sinful threat, "You come for Diego. Pretty little Princess, all mine. Follow orders, come on your Murder Panther."

It breaks you. Your whole body seizes up as you wail for him, clenching down on nothing in painful ecstasy. Finally relinquishing his cock, you flop face down into his lap with an exhausted groan. Diego melts back into the seat and you both just lay there, panting.

Diego raps on the door window but stays slumped down and loose-limbed. 

Bastian unlocks the SUV, then pops the driver's door to stick his head inside. "Yeah, boss?" The blonde studiously avoids looking lower than Diego's face. You can hear Julio chuckling behind Bastian.

"Fuck the club. Take us home." Diego decrees lazily. You sputter joyful laughter directly into his pants.

You ride home curled up in his lap, snuggled into that salt and pepper beard you love so much while Diego feathers kisses all over your face, the knife cradled in your hands.

------------------------

Diego stumbles down the stairs the next morning, yawning hugely, only to find Julio in the kitchen, unashamedly raiding the fridge. Bastard, Diego chuckles.

"Manito! We need to talk." Julio gets right to the matter. "Before Gordita gets up." He adds pointedly.

Uhh, what. "Fine. Talk. Also, are you eating carrots at 10:12am??" That is disgusting.

Diego plops down onto a barstool and stares dejectedly at the espresso machine until Julio rolls his eyes and turns it on for him.

"Look, you need a check, eh?" Julio sighs but stands firm while Diego side eyes him suspiciously. When no objection comes, Julio forges on, "She saw you murder two people and cut an ear off a third last night, right? And her response was to blow you in the car? Fucking ride your foot to come, what, twice?"

Diego smiles dreamily, "Yeah. It was a good night." So. Much. Licking.

Julio passes him the steaming mug, "If you don't put a ring on it, pendejo..." 

Diego nearly drops the mug as his closest confidante walks off into the living room.

Shit, Julio is right.