#probably not gonna have the time to release anything anytime soon

[ittybittyfanblog]

holy shit—thank you so much for all the love on error 404's finale 🥹‼️ just woke up and i'm ?? overwhelmed!! ahajsdk i love y'all it's crazy 🤧❤️ also i'll get to your comments (and asks!) one by one 'kay, just let me grab sum lunch first 🙏🏼✨

(also to anyone who hasn’t read pt 10 yet—do not. i repeat, DO NOT look at the comments if you don't want to get spoiled 😂)

[brokenpieces-72]

Nightmare Comfort

Note: So when I made the poll for the missing part of the gangster au, I got 20% of people who wanted both, and then the nightmare comfort and normal release were an even split of 40%. So you're getting both.

TW: Violence, interrogation, nightmare, blood, let me know if I miss anything

“Fuck…” you groan.

“You’re a little shit.” Nolan grunts, spitting. “You want me to get ugly?”

“You were being pretty?” You question, trying to hide the amount of pain in your voice.

You hear a gun cock. Your blood goes cold. You go very still. “Tell me where!”

“I swear to fuck I don’t fucking know!”

“Tell me where Makarov’s file is!” He yells.

“I don’t fucking know!!”

BANG

You bolt upright in bed, clutching your chest, wincing from the bandage. In the darkness you see the shape of the stray scurrying away from the bed. You're in a cold sweat as you take deep breathes, trying to steady and ground yourself. You toss back the blankets, and hurry out of your room. The living space is barren so you hurry to their rooms, cracking their doors open. Gaz, Soap, Price and Ghost are asleep. Your heart is still beating hard though. A dream... all a dream.

You wish it were only a dream. The truth is Nolan had done a number on you and the marks were there to stay. You were reckless and didn’t take care of yourself. If Alex and Charly hadn’t made it in time you’d be dead. Dead over something that didn’t exist. You could’ve lost everyone who was asleep right now. They wouldn’t be in safe beds, they would be in the water.

You’re not gonna be going back to sleep anytime soon, so you curled up on the couch instead. The cat curls up with you. The pain is still there, the weapons are in your mind despite never seeing them. You can’t help yourself from imagining the others in the same state as you were. Your bruises were still visible, you’d seen them when you’d got to take a shower. Too soon for a pain killer since your last.

You absently pet the cat, as the dark apartment remains still around you. Very slowly your eyes drift close, and you aren’t about to bother moving. Too cozy where you are. If anyone could come through the door you could be ready. But sleep consumes you easily enough.

When Simon woke up he went to the kitchen and saw you on the couch. You were groaning softly, the cat having already hopped away. Ghost noticed you started to toss and turn. Coffee could wait. He went over to you instead as you started to get louder. Simon started to shake you awake.

You awoke and went to attack the random figure that had appeared at your side, seemingly out of nowhere. Ghost was faster, catching your wrists, but his instincts were faster than him. He ended up pushing your wrists and almost getting on top of you. With the darkness you could quite make him out, and are about to call for help. He uses a hand to cover your mouth.

"It's me!" He says, voice low and gravelly. You stop using your free hand to try and shover him off as you start coming back to reality. Your hard breathing starts to slow and soften while your heart pounds in your chest. Ghost stares down at you wait for you to steady yourself. As Ghost's weight on top of you starts to ground you, you also start to wince. Eventually the soreness is hard to bear, so you pull his hand off.

"You're on my bad leg." You whisper. Simon doesn't get off but readjusts himself, so the weight of his knee isn't pressing on anything sensitive. You do a small check around the dark room. God what time is it? Early probably. You can't make out any of the digital clocks from the couch. You don't notice Simon is still staring at you.

"Broken?" He asks after a moment of you two just breathing and waiting.

"No." you answer. Your head was hurting though. Ghost got off of you, letting you sit up. You stretch because the couch, while comfy isn't exactly great on your back.

"What are you doing out here?" Ghost asks, keeping his voice down. You shrug.

"No reason." You say. "Couch is comfy."

Ghost can tell you're lying. He's worried about you. Being a cop couldn't have been easy, he knows you've been fired a gun before. Seeing Makarov point a gun at your already beaten and weakened state nearly set him off. Ghost has to remind himself that you're not a child anymore, not some naive rookie. By now you had a good enough taste of this life to be taken seriously. After everything that has happened, that you caused he also knows you don't want to be a problem. Joining them, you crossed plenty of bridges, but by now you've burned quite a few.

Simon sits next to you on the couch, and you can feel it sink to his weight. He debates talking to you about how you're not alone, and never have to be. Sure he's private but you don't have to be. The whole Nolan thing was this life rearing it's ugly head.

Regardless you need rest. Those injuries aren't gonna heal if you're thrashing around in your sleep. Simon stands and offers his hand to hekp you. "Get up."

You do as he says and he sits down in your spot. He gently tugs you back down on the couch, but you feel him moving you around. You realize he's reclined on the sofa and is laying you on top of him.

"Ghost what ar-"

"Lay down." He orders. You don't argue and do as he says. Why was your face warm? Why was he so warm? "Close your eyes, try to sleep."

You try lifting your head so you can question him, but he pulls your head back down to his chest. You can feel his heart beating, calm and steady. Man, talk about a big step. Ghost went from standing in a corner in the same room as you, to being your comfort pillow.

"Don't you have stuff to do?" You asked.

"Not really. I wake up early out of habit." Ghost said, his voice low. "Used to do it to avoid my father, a run in the mornings, go to school, work, etc."

"Your father?" You asked, rolling over on to your stomach. Ghost sighed and pulled your head back down. Why did he let that out? Guess it was easier to tell you now, otherwise you'd probably go searching for answers on your own. Better to hear the truth from him. By now he'd told Johnny and Price, Laswell had seen the reports, you probably had too. Something about your weight on top of him made him feel he should air out some issues, if only so you understand who you were sleeping with... there was a better way to phrase that.

"Learned I shouldn't call him that. He used bring in wild animals to scare me, an addict, and would encourage my brother to do the same." Ghost listed off. A brother too? You wondered if any of the others had siblings they didn't talk about. "Abused me and my mother."

There was a span of silence as if he'd told you the whole story and was letting you sit with it. You'd seen a few abuse cases, that had resulted in murder, from both sides. Sometimes the victim fought back and other times the abuse got deadly. You felt like there was more than what Ghost was telling you. Ghost was a private man, so maybe he just didn't want to say anything more. You let yourself relax into him. Simon isn't one to act violently without cause.

A hand drifts to your head, calloused fingers playing with your hair. The sound of your hair being played with and Simon's heartbeat filled the otherwise quiet ambience of the room. Did he think you were asleep already? How much time had passed since he finished telling you what his dad was like? You couldn't help but feel the rest of the story was important. Thinking of what he's told you and where Simon was now, there were a few blanks. You couldn't think of the right question to ask next.

"Is that how you met my dad? Calling the cops on him?" You asked quietly. Simon is still quiet.

"No." He said, and the hand that was in your hair, was resting on your neck. His hands are a little cold. Simon's thumb over your soft neck is soothing for both of you. "He's dead. Killed him after he killed my mother."

Now it's your turn to be quiet. Simon killing his father. You could see it. There was motive too. It wasn't something you wanted to pry open further. With how calm Simon was, you assumed it must have gone far deeper, and his mother's death was the final straw. You thought back to when you came to live at the hideout for the first night, and the stray that had practically become the house pet. Simon's comment about black cats being targeted simply for their fur colour. Hated simply for something you can't control. As you lay there you there you felt the urge to say something, the statement lingering in the air awkwardly.

"Thank you." You said. Thank you. Thank you? Wow that's all you can think to say? You don't even know why you said it, whether it was for his comfort, his acceptance of you, or for killing his piece of shit father. It was a mix.

"Go to sleep." Simon grumbled, and his thumb stroked the back of your neck. You stretched as much as you could without hurting Simon or yourself, before shutting your eyes again.

Kyle woke up and came out to the kitchen. He stopped in his tracks immediately once he saw you and Ghost on the couch. Kyle debated backtracking to his room, not wanting to disrupt... whatever this was exactly. At least he hadn't turned on the kitchen light yet. Before Kyle could think of a next step though, Simon spotted him. Simon nodded.

"Are they okay?" He asked quietly.

"They are now." Simon answered.

"I'll go pick up breakfast." Kyle said, returning to his room to get a jacket. He wasn't going to interrupt this moment. Kyle left without another word, intending to get the usual.

Price had slept in a bit, needing some extra recovery time himself. There were no plans until everything calmed down, and Makarov played his next hand. Kyle sent him a text saying he was picking up breakfast. Price hoped Kyle at least put the kettle on before he left.

When Price got changed and came out to get something to drink he found you still sleeping on Ghost's chest. Was that what Simon meant when he said you were a cat? Ghost gave his boss the same nod as he did with Kyle, and Price returned it.

"Painkillers or nightmares?" Price asked.

"Bit a' both." Simon said. "Told her about my record a bit."

It was his tale to tell, and Price wasn't about to put any restraints on what Simon could and couldn't say. Price didn't talk about Simon, because there wasn't anything people needed to know about him. Simon was plenty old enough to decide what he wanted people to know about him.

"Much sleep?" He asked. Simon shrugged. He hadn't been keeping track. Price checked the clock and decided to head out for his morning coffee. The kettle would wake you like an alarm clock. You needed more rest.

Of course Johnny came out and saw the scene, the earliest rays of the morning giving a low light to the space. He paused mid step and Simon looked up at him. Like Kyle he debated going back to his room.

"You two want privacy?" He asked.

"We're fine Johnny." Ghost said, rolling his eyes. Then Johnny took his phone out. Before he could take the photo, Simon stared him down. Johnny looked up, and his cheeky grin disappeared.

"They're sleeping. Don't make me get up." Simon warned. Johnny raised his hands and stepped back. Okay. He'll just chill in his room until breakfast comes.

Taglist: @yourlovely-moon @kaoyamamegami @h0n3y-l3m0n05 @sans-chara @1mommyrose4ever29 @smitten-haematite-quartz @talia-the-gemini @yuki2129 @whitetiger846 @graystorm444 @chibiduck @reaperxxxxzz @danielle143 @sobbingnshtting @cringeycookies @cryingpages @dcnocap207 @reaper-chan666 @bestbookfriends @thriving-n-jiving @cutiecusp @shikigami-the-paper-spirit @theotheronedotorg

[the-cookie-of-doom]

Five things Porsche learns about Kim lets gooooo

This actually started as a prompt from @shubaka forever ago (before we were friends 🥺) and I decided to torture myself by turning it into a 5+1 fic! But then I stalled out bc I didn't know what to add for the other parts klasjdhgf. It's actually still floating somewhere around here in my writing tag!

In it, Porsche is trying to befriend Kim, and Kim is horribly resistant to it. Porsche steals Chay's phone since Kim won't answer him, only for Kim to hang up as soon as he speaks, it's a whole thing. Basically Kim being forced to bond with his future brother in law <3

The first thing Porsche learns about Kim is that he's a squirrely little bastard. He weasels his phone number out of Chay - after finding out that Kinn didn't have it saved in his own phone, which will be a conversation for later - but Kim doesn't any answer any of the flurry of phone calls and texts that Porsche hurls his own way. Apparently, according to Porchay, Kim has memorized all the numbers of everyone important enough to be worth his time, and doesn't bother with anyone else.

What if someone has to borrow a phone? Porsche had asked. Sucks to be them, Chay replied, with a silly smile that might mean he's kidding, or it might mean he knows exactly how ridiculous Kim is being, but still somehow likes him anyway. Porsche would prefer the former but he's almost certain it's the latter, and he's trying to figure out exactly why Chay would like him so much. Because as far as Porsche can tell? Kim is more akin to a feral cat than anything else. Keeps his distance, sullenly watches Porsche anytime they happen to be in the same room, looking away only to scan for the nearest exit - which he takes at the earliest opportunity - and Porsche is certain Kim has actually hissed at him once. Probably not. Since Kim won't answer unknown numbers, Porsche is forced to stoop to his level. Kinn's phone is of course out of the question, which only leaves one other person, at least only one Porsche can easily access, guaranteed to have it. He's holding a struggling Porchay in a headlock while the phone dials. It only rings once. "Hello, love," Kim greets, his voice warm and syrupy and so, so fond that Porsche has to gag, just to see the way his brother flushes. "I'm sorry, Kim!" Porchay shouts. He's still struggling, digging his hands into Porsche's sides. "I tried to stop him!" "Porsche." And there it is, that flat tone Porsche is used to. "Hi, Kim, how's it going?" he asks casually. "Goodbye. "Wait, wait, wait!" It's no use. The line is already dead. Porsche releases his brother with a groan, and doesn't fight it when Chay snatches back his phone. "Why does he have to be so difficult?" "Kim doesn't like being cornered, hia," Chay scolds him. "If you just talked to him like a normal person-" "He won't let me! He keeps running!" "You're intimidating!" Porsche doesn't believe that for a second. If Kinn wasn't intimated by him, no way his feral, murderous little brother was. "Maybe you're coming on too strong? He probably think you're gonna kill him for, y'know..." "No, I don't know." Porsche side-eyes Chay, who's no longer making eye contact. "Do I need to kill him?" "No!" "Should I want to?" "Hia, No!" Chay throws his hands up. "See! This is why he won't talk to you! You're embarrassing." "Good. Also, I don't care. I want to talk to him, and unless he wants me to lock you in your room and forbit you from seeing each other for the rest of your life, he better cooperate." Chay lets out a sigh like the weight of all the world is bearing down on him. "I'll talk to him," he mumbles, sullen. 

[coralpolyp]

I'm not dead!

Hey look here's a redraw of the really terrible bit of digital art I did for last year's Mar13 day as proof! Apparently I didn't even finish the first one on time! Yikes!

I'm well aware that it's been a minute or two since I last posted anything on here or on AO3 - to be more precise, it's been since Splatoon 1 died and I wrote that 8000 word depressing thing - I don't know why 8000 words always seems to be my sweet spot, but it's good to know that I have one. That being said, and with Side Order: Dark Side Mix currently MIA, I thought it'd be a good idea to to have what it is that I'm doing right now on-record in some capacity, for the one or two people who were wondering.

The next few weeks are exam season, so I don't think it's going to be smooth sailing per se, but Dark Side Mix will be completed. After running into a snag with the opening act - namely with the fact that it sucks - I started reworking the entire fic from top to bottom under a new name...and then I lost motivation to do that because perfectionism set in, and I haven't really touched it in a little while.

In the time that I've been away from it, I feel like I've become increasingly aware of how that perfectionism negatively effects me and my work - namely the fact that very little of it actually exists. I mean, sure, people seem to like the stuff that does exist, but there isn't much, and a lot of things are unfinished - usually because I placed too much value on the potential of "the idea", and spent so long labouring over the start of it that by the 10,000 word mark I had realised the flaws of the idea and lost interest in it.

I can't help thinking that's a bit lame. Every other writer has 100s and thousands of words of terrible amateur works they can go back to and laugh at, before they created the masterpieces they're known for now, and my story is that I just kinda show up every once in a while.

I think there's a real beauty to that - creating for the sake of creation, with no fucks given. Maybe this isn't the finest example, but I finally started listening to My Dad Wrote a Porno recently and...I mean... the sheer lack of fucks given is well and truly a gift that keeps on giving. Same goes for Philosophy of the World. Or SMG4 back in like 2014. Or old Eddsworld stuff. There's just a certain carefree joy (or existential dread in the case of the Shaggs) to it all that you never get anywhere else. It's like the difference between a 30 second gesture drawing and 6 hours of carefully-deliberated-over anatomy.

All that is to say - Dark Side Mix is a fundamentally flawed story. It is not high art, it never will be. I should probably just get it out there in it's entirety for the world to see in the time I have available to write, and then move on to the next "brilliant-idea"-that's-actually-just-ok. Nobody likes an "idea guy" - what good is it to spend one's entire life going around saying "I never finished this story, but it was great in my head, and the bit that you can actually read was alright too,"? Creativity should be about getting in there, making a mess, and having fun - let fanfiction be fanfiction, with that being addressed to nobody but myself, because nobody else needed to hear it.

Oh, also, another reason for my absence besides creative block and exams - I'm getting into comics! That, and practising my art fundamentals a whole bunch - I don't think my drawabox is particularly interesting to look at, so I haven't exactly been posting it. I've decided that I want to try giving an idea I had for what would've been another depressing Squid Sister 8000-worder the comic treatment, although you shouldn't expect to see that anytime soon, considering how long it's gonna take, and the fact that I would want to release something like that in no more than two parts.

[mimikittysblog]

Ok, hear me out… your poly ateez lingerie text smau mixed with your The Princess universe 🧐 like imagine wife/gf reader going out shopping secretly while the boys are away for something (work, a meeting, anything you can think of in this universe) and they find out but like she tells them it’s bc she got a surprise for them and has them all either sit in the living room or another big space and does a fashion show with all the lingerie she got! Or she just never tells them she got new stuff and just wears it either to bed or under her pj’s and they all find out😊! Also Ik that you do write poly ateez so I was just wondering if you are going to write poly ot8 ateez x reader smut? I hope this wasn’t too much bc this is my first time making a request/recommendation but I do love your ATEEZ works🫶🏻💖 hope you had a happy holiday!!

Huh?? 😧

ISTGGG!! I remember answering this?!? 😭

Did tumblr glitch?????? Or was I fuckin hallucinating? 💀

If I seriously didn’t answer this a while ago I’m so sorry bby 😞 I wasn’t ignoring you I swear, I have a vivid memory of answering this but I can’t even find it on my blog widhdj if I did answer it before then great 😙

Anyways! That is a great idea! I would absolutely love to do something like that but probably not anytime soon as per your second question, I would love to make an poly! Ot8! x reader smut but.. it would take me too long 😭

Because if I wanna write poly! Ot8! Smut I want everyone involved with everyone. Not just the 8 boys with reader. Like my yunsan smut for example! But thats a lot of people involved doing the dirty and I’d have to keep track of where everyone is and who everyone is doing at the moment and then plan out what and/or who they’re gonna do next 😭

Its different than my normal stories cause like what everyone is doing I can tell them one by one, but I feel like that won’t be entertaining with smut. Idk im bad at explaining my thought process so I hope this makes sense.

Basically I just wanna do the poly! Smut justice so it’ll take some time!

TLDR; love the idea! Will definitely add it to my WIPs but it might take a while to release.

Thank you so so sooo much for your request and for reading and loving my works. It means the world to me! 💕

[slytherinshua]

Hi! How are you?? Have you been well? Up to anything nice?

Since you've been gatekeeping that boogie man solo clip, what other parts of the concert have you been gatekeeping? 😭

Everytime I watch Yechan perform that solo (or every other solo tbh), I always think "I NEED TO BE ABLE TO PLAY THIS!!" and then realise that I probably won't be able to anytime soon 😭😭. It would be SO much easier if I had sheet music to read, but I can never find any (I guess actually practicing would also help ahaha). I think I need to start a petition to get Mystic to release sheet music, how amazing would that be??

It makes me so happy that more people are starting to listen to Lucy! I love the amount of times "I ascended" is getting used because that is definitely my experience of listening to their songs ahaha

(loving all your new themes btw, they've been very pretty!)

HI VIOLET!! honestly just the usual except I’ve been talking more seriously with my mom about replacing our piano WHICH IM NOT HAPPY ABT AT ALL but it’s also so necessary at this point. I’m preparing for my exam in April rn and the pedal like ?? squeaks?? whenever I press it like omg I can’t deal w this much longer. and I alr know abt the cracked soundboard in the piano so it’s just problems adding onto the other. we really need a new piano so we’re gonna look out for used ones and hopefully we can find one I rly like (cause I’m so attached to my piano :( I don’t want to let her go)

WELL I recorded like 98% of the concert or so, SO I HAVE A LOT A LOT of clips that I haven’t shared. but I am very happy to share them :)) the concert timeline was: soundcheck, intro+rolling rolling, intro+knowhow, member introduction (basically sangyeop’s sexy English time), one by one, straight line, talking time (including sangyeop overjoyed at how many water bottles he had to douse walwals in later on), flowering, haze (im going through the vids to get this timeline right for you AND THE VOLUME AT WHICH I SCREAMED WHEN HAZE STARTED I cant even blame past zanna cause it’s still my fav song), talking (ft wonsang saying he’s a bit shy and me melting in real time), snooze, jogging, talking (ft sangyeop and gwangil joking abt all the things they’re going to do when they leave the stage), yechan and wonsang duo merry go round of life, sangyeop and gwangil coming back w popcorn (and sangyeop giving some to walwals lmao), sangyeop on the drums (which was so funny and cute he joked around w gwangil a bit before gwangil began his solo stage), gwangil solo stage he performed nan chun by so soseon, and then his own solo song would you dance with me?

I interrupt this rundown of the concert to share this clip which was way too cute when I rewatched it. sangyeop doing the drum part w his mouth instead of the actual sticks and Wonsang being SO CUTE in the spinning chair and his little giggle and KDJDKAD VI I AM NOT OKAY

anyway moving on after that they did the only exception by paramore, counting stars by one republic (this stage in particular I was SO TIRED my body was giving up on me so I went to sit, the vid is not the best but the vocals were incredible so still would love to share it’s one of my fav stages from the concert actually I could cry listening to their vocals back lmao), talking, hero, unbelievable, talking, intro+I got u, intro+hot!, talking, boogie man, talking (ft wonsang hearts w me!!), you’re right, talking, intro+flare, ending, talking+phototime+touching wonsangs bass+getting yechan’s bow etc etc, end of show

so yeah I’d be happy to share any clips that you’re interested in seeing!!! just need to know what you’d like hehe. also if you have discord it might be easier for me to send the videos there than post on tumblr cause tumblr sometimes takes forever to upload them 😭😭 if you do my username is zanna.exe and you can add me!!

I KNOW OMG I SO SO GET YOU with any song that has piano in Lucy’s discography *cough colorless* I AM ITCHING TO LEARN TO PLAY IT LIKE I WOULD GENUINELY COMBUST IF I DIDNT LEARN IT THAT SECOND but there’s never any sheet music and I hate it. if mystic did sell them then I would buy it SO FASTT like genuinely 😭😭😭 I need it so bad

I know!!! This past few weeks has been lucy heaven on my blog I’ve had like 3 moots all ask for recs and get into them which is just so lovely to see. Especially for lucy being my ults and also the most nugu ult of them all, but ALSO being the group that has the music I relate to and love the most. they’re the group I’m most connected to musically and emotionally. Whenever I need to cry I watch Lucy stages, whenever I need to cheer up i watch lucy stages, whenever I need to laugh I watch lucy moments, like they are just everything I need and everything I love so I adore seeing new ppl find joy in them the same way I do

thank you so much!!! I’ve been super indecisive on themes and just been wanting to change them up a lot LMAO as if I’m not already a serial theme changer. I really want a wonsang theme or just a lucy theme in general sometime soon as well cause I miss my boogie man theme badly. maybe something floral and pretty for march/april spring we’ll see!!

[moonshine-nightlight]

Hello! I Just wanted to let you know that I LOVED the published ver. of "Don't Shoot the Messenger". And I was so excited to hear that Dale and Sana's story might get published too.

At first I was really unsure about getting the book, as I didn't want to be disappointed if the changes made didn't translate well compared to the original. BUT YOU KNOCKED MY EXPECTATIONS RIGHT OUT OF THE WATER!! IT WAS SO GOOD!!

Anyway, just wanted to let you know that I'm so excited for your future projects. And I wish you luck on your future publishing endeavours because I will be buying all future published books by you. And no one can stop me haha >:D

I also wanted to ask if there's a chance that any of your other previous works will also be published? Of course it's a huge effort of time and resources to publish something. But I do hold out hope that I might one day hold Heshi's story in my hands because truthfully it's such a comfort to me and I go back to it periodically to reread. I love that snakey boi. NO PRESSURE THO. If that's not in the cards, just the fact that it exists as a story is wonderful. Thank you so much for all the writing you do.

anyway, bye

@annjo-wolfe

hi! thanks so much! i really liked what DSM actually was and focused on my own edits and that of my editors just honing it to be the best version of itself - so i'm glad that came through and you liked it!

if ur interested in too much info about my self-publishing plans, pls see under the read more

Dale and Sana's story definitely will be self-published,its just a matter of when. it's also probably gonna get more tweaks than DSM due to the length and the way the story evolved over 2 years lol

thank you so much for your support and encouragement with publishing! i'm so happy people are excited about actually buying my stories lol

As for previous short stories that getting published, the answer is yes, i do have plans to publish them as well, they're just a lower priority for multiple reasons. firstly, me and everyone wants NWWD the most so its #1.

For 'Finally Woken' i actually already have the first 2 chapters converted to 3rd POV, however, its shorter than DSM and so would cost nearly as much to have edited but would sell for less (and amazon will try to tell me the spine is too narrow lol) so my current thoughts are to bundle it with 'Selfish' (helpfully already in 3rd person) and make a Naga Novella (called like 'Tangled Up in Tails' or something lol) with both of them in it so i can release it priced similarly to DSM.

For 'Sacrifice', i actually have plans to make that a 5 novella series about different forgotten deities returning to the same town, with 'Sacrifice' likely being offered as a cheaper, first book about a month or so before the second is published to get people into the series. the rest of the novellas would likely not go up on tumblr/AO3 at all and would only be published. i'd like to use this hypothetical series to see how that sort of model would work for me. i've planned out the 5 novellas to some extent but nothings really written yet besides 'Sacrifice'. as a complete project, its very low on my list after everything i'll b posting here and NWWD publishing, so since 'Sacrifice' is tied to that, its not likely to get published anytime soon.

For 'Snapped', i'd likely do something similar to 'Finally Woken' - write another short Sci-Fi/Alien story and bundle them together for publishing. However, i dont currently have anything written that would work so that's also a low priority evn if 'Snapped' is already 3rd POV.

I'm really excited to self-publish my work, but its expensive and what I've made from DSM has come nowhere close to covering my costs and likely won't. the only good thing is basically all the costs are up-front so its easy to jsut keep the books out there and making money when ppl buy it. i have a good job and am happy to spend my money to get my work out there and hope over time self-publishing will break-even, but that will take years at a minimum so it'll be slow going in the beginning.

my goal is to get everything self-published so it'll just be a matter of time - i too want to hold a copy of Heshi's story in my hands lol

thank you for all your support and giving me a chance to ramble about all my self-publishing plans!

[tokyoghoulaspecs]

Make Up Date

Hide takes Kaneki on a date, to make him feel loved after his disastrous first date with Rize.

Word Count: 1500

Featuring: Aroacespec Kaneki

Warnings: A character feeling uncomfortable with romance, written in an amatonormative POV for a time

(AO3 Link)

“Come on, let me take you on a date! Please!”

Hide had been begging this every day since his release from the hospital. Thinking it was a joke he wasn’t getting, Kaneki kept denying. But Hide kept asking, and Kaneki was beginning to think he was completely serious.

“Why does this matter to you?” Kaneki asked.

Hide didn’t like him, right? If he did, this was a real strange way to confess.

Hide’s smile turned gentle. “Because your first date ended up so awful. You don’t deserve that. And I can’t see you wanting to ask anyone else out anytime soon, so let me take you out!”

“You don’t have to do that. I’m fine.”

“Of course I don’t have to, but I want to. It’ll be fun for me too!”

“Okay, fine. But no dinner dates.”

Hide grimaced, likely remembering what happened at Big Girl. “Yeah, sure. No problem. We can do something else. How about a bookstore date, and then we see a movie together? If you’re up for it we could eat a bunch of junk food, but if you’re not, then the movie will be just as good with no snacks.”

“Okay. I’m in.”

Hide already had a plan in mind. In fact, in the week Kaneki kept denying, Hide had just built onto his original plan.

He’d dressed nicely. He brought flowers. He brought a cute little package of chocolates. He met Kaneki after his classes, complimenting his appearance even though Kaneki hadn’t dressed up, and walked him to the bookstore. He held his hand the whole time and stood close, affectionately leaning on him. He kissed his hand a few times, even going for a peck on the cheek once or twice. He planned and did everything romantic he could think of. Even the “stretch and not-so-discreetly put your arm around your partner” move during the movie, as cliché as it probably was.

It was the perfect plan for making Kaneki feel special and loved.

But Kaneki was really awkward the whole time. At first, Hide just thought it was nerves. He gave it some time for Kaneki to adjust to their date. But he never did, and he just seemed to be growing more and more uncomfortable as the night went on. He gradually toned down the romance, trying to hit a sweet spot in Kaneki’s comfort zone, but Kaneki kept giving off vibes of being uncomfortable. Hide knew Kaneki wouldn’t speak up for himself, so Hide stopped the date as soon as he realized it. And he felt terrible for not realizing it and stopping it sooner. His intentions were to cheer Kaneki up, not drag him out on an uncomfortable evening that he might not have even wanted in the first place.

“You don’t like me, do you?” Hide asked gently. It was one of the few things he could never accurately tell about Kaneki. Some days he thought Kaneki was harboring a secret crush on him. Other days he thought Kaneki only thought of him like a friend. He didn’t care either way. But he wanted to know right now, to make things simple and be able to best help Kaneki in whichever way he wanted and needed.

“...” Kaneki didn’t answer him.

“It’s fine. I know I’m not exactly a beautiful girl, like you usually like.” Hide said.

“I don’t know…” Kaneki said.

“You’re not gonna insult me or anything by saying no.”

“No, I… I really don’t know.” Kaneki said. He put his head in his hands, frustrated. “You’re right. You’re not a beautiful girl. I don’t see you the same way as I did with… with Rize-san. I don’t see you as beautiful, but…”

“But?”

“But you’re… handsome. You’re really nice and kind, and you goof around a lot, but you can be really smooth and charming when you want to be. And I do like that.”

Hide started blushing. Was he really like that?

“And… isn’t that romantic?” Kaneki mused. “Isn’t that what girls like in guys?”

“So you do like me.” Hide said, trying to make sense of it.

“I don’t know.” Kaneki repeated. “This date didn’t feel like it should. It didn’t feel good, to be treated as your date.”

“Did you feel like I was treating you too much like a girl?”

“No, no.” Kaneki shook his head. “Maybe it was just too much attention.”

“Too much too soon?”

“Just too much attention in general.”

“Then what kind of attention do you want? What did you and that girl do?”

“I already told you.”

“There’s gotta be more than that! Give me the juicy details! Did she have some real nerdy pickup lines? Did you do that thing where you cuddle and read the same book together? Or lean over her shoulder as she reads as an excuse to get closer to her?”

Kaneki gave him a confused look. Why would he want to get closer to her?

“No, none of that. We talked about our favorite books, ate dinner, and we talked as we walked home.”

“...That’s it?”

“Well, then there was the accident…”

Hide flinched. “Oh, I didn’t mean to—!”

“It’s okay.” Kaneki said. “I’m okay.”

“That’s really all you did on your date?”

“Is there something wrong with that?”

“No. As long as… that’s what you wanted to happen on your date?”

“Yeah. Yeah, it was… really nice… I was… really happy. Before…” Kaneki trailed off again.

“Just talking about books?”

“Yeah. Turns out we had a lot in common. I liked that.”

Hide went silent. He wasn’t sure how to say what he was thinking in a way that wouldn’t come across as offensive. Because he really didn’t mean it that way. But something didn’t seem to be adding up.

“You liked… that you had common taste in books?” Hide repeated.

“Yeah.”

“And… that’s it?” Hide asked again.

“Yes, that’s it.” Kaneki snapped, getting tired of answering the same question. And then he seemed to realize what Hide was getting at. “Oh.

There was a beat of silence. Then Kaneki asked “Well, then what do most people like about their dates?”

“I-I don’t know. I’ve never been on a date either, remember?”

“But if you were to guess?”

“Well, some people like to hookup on a first date. Or makeout. Otherwise, I think they try to learn all they can about each other and see if they might be compatible.”

“Okay? And wasn’t that what I was doing?”

“Was it?” Hide asked. “Did you ask about her family? Her schooling? Her hobbies besides reading?”

“No…” Kaneki said. “She asked about mine a little, but…”

“It’s not bad that you didn’t.” Hide said. “You had fun. That’s all that matters.”

After a moment, Kaneki said. “...I didn’t want to hook up with her.”

“That’s fine, plenty of people don’t want to move that fast, especially on a first date.”

“I didn’t want to kiss her, either.”

“And that’s fine too. First base is overrated. Not like I’ve ever kissed anyone, either.”

“She leaned in to kiss me. At least, I thought she was going to.”

“Oh?” Hide’s eyes lit up, suddenly interested. So they did have more physical stuff going on on that date. He knew they had to!

“But when she did… I felt… afraid.”

“It’s fine to be nervous.”

“Not nervous.” Kaneki said firmly. “Afraid.”

“Afraid of being a bad kisser?”

“Afraid of being kissed.” Kaneki admitted. “She was holding me, and coming in to kiss me, and I just felt afraid. I didn’t want her to kiss me. My heart was pounding in my ears and I couldn’t move and all I could think was, I don’t actually want this.”

“Did she back off?” Hide asked, holding his breath.

“Well… She didn’t kiss me…” Kaneki muttered.

“So you didn’t like her.” Hide said.

“I did like her.” Kaneki said. “She was pretty and I had a fun time with her.”

“So you liked her as a friend.”

“...As a friend?”

“Right? Sounds that way to me.”

Kaneki ducked his head and sighed.

“It’s fine. There’s other fish in the sea.”

“How can you tell?”

“Do you know how many girls there are in Tokyo alone, nevermind the whole wide—?”

“No. How can you tell if you like someone as a friend or as a girlfriend?”

“You, you know, feel different about them.” Hide said. But between Kaneki’s blank stare, and what he had just admitted, he realized that Kaneki did not in fact know.

“Uh, let’s see. You get anxious around them. But a good kind of anxious, not like anxiety but like excitement. You really want to spend more time around them. And they make you really happy. So much that sometimes you can overdo it while not realizing it. You know how in movies someone will laugh way too long at the bad joke their crush said? Like that.”

“But what’s the difference?” Kaneki asked. “You feel that way about friends too. Right?”

“Er, sorta? Sometimes?” Hide grit his teeth, starting to get confused himself. He knew the difference, but it wasn’t something he could put into words.

“But you can tell?” Kaneki asked.

“Yeah. I mean, I think so.”

“Then either… I like everyone… or I like no one...”

Hide laughed, patting him on the back. “Well good news, bud. There’s words for both of those.”

[drowninginblox]

Torched

Part 2

Part of him hoped that the last few days were a dream, that at any moment he'll wake up in that damn chair or even from his corner in the basement of the shit shack. But the bread in his pocket served as a guarantee that's not gonna happen anytime soon. Combined with the lakes of sweat keeping him awake in this living nightmare, Fit can only pace in frustration. “If you want, I can give you some time to ponder this. Although I am an immortal being, the concept of thinking on such large decisions is one I'm not lost on.” Fit sighed. Will you be gone? He didn’t mean to sound as harsh or vulnerable as he did, but it felt wrong for him to be guarded in his own mind. It was probably the emotional exhaustion getting to him. “I won’t be far warrior. Just call for me and I will come.” A moment passes before a shiver runs up Fit’s spine. A body-wide shake follows. And then silence.

So soft. The infamous FitMC has gone so, so soft. A lump in his throat closes his throat. He takes a breath and lets his shoulders roll. The muted pop and click of bones act as a good grounder in this otherwise devastating scene. Remember yourself. What did you do back then? His eyes close. For a moment, the humidity mutes. The cold air subsides. And rather than the stale air he’s been breathing in for a year, the smell of gunpowder and the taste of flesh linger on his tongue while a younger, lost soul, takes a daring step into the unknown.

Explosions, first vibrant in sound as they were in action, slowly mute as the souls of Fit's feet felt the ware of running for hours on end. From what, he didn't know. Anything though. There was always a reason to keep moving in the wastes, whether it be from the monsters that came out in the night or the people that just so happened to spot you out of your periphery. It's always something. Rest was a pipe dream. Always brief when there was some time for it, but it was always greeted with another reason to get off your ass. The howls in the night, the crunch of the ground sounding too close for comfort, the sizzle of TNT, or an offshoot explosion on the horizon. Sometimes you wouldn't know what's outside the cave until the preditor makes itself known. If you're lucky, you could see the obsidian being placed before the end crystal. You barely have enough time to block yourself up or dig away, but a chance is always worth fighting for. That's something he can't live without; chances.

Fit' likes to think he's grown since his time away but there's only so much calculation you can do before something makes itself known. It's ugly. Messy too if shit really hits the fan. Maybe that's why Fit was a janitor. When shit gets messy, someone has to note and take care of the problem. Speaking of- Maybe it was a few minutes? Could’ve been a few hours. Either way, his arm weighed heavier on his shoulder. A scowl was the only thing to meet him as he blinked away the aches. "What would Pac do?"

The words tumbled onto the cavern, making Fit's stomach twist at the cruel reminder. He could've sworn the weight in his chest didn't weigh this heavy. Last time it felt like a baseball. Now it's gotta be a bomb. I never asked for this, He screws his eyes shut. I know I agreed to this. I know I can't back out even if I wanted to, but- He couldn't help but choke out a chuckle. "Am I selfish by patching myself up with the people I care about?" He blinks a few times at the haziness only to feel the wetness of tears. "Fuck, really?" A groan rises from his stomach, intermixed with venom and the heat of untapped rage. An animal clawing at its cage to be released, the keeper, tired of the constant severance relinquished the beast of its cage, gilded with the pretenses of civility for station's sake. For everyone's sake. The noise progresses into a scream. One that even Fit could hear. Guttural and raw and for every sake of the word, it wasn't just the beast that was freed from captivity, it was the whole goddamn zoo.

The emotions can't take him away again. Not further than this. The stampede can kick his damn ass he will remain. Securing himself in a ball, that was all he can do against the impending release. Months of not knowing whether or not his friends and family were truly safe, years of stress built up and hardened only to be broken by people who thought they knew better than him how to live his life, days where the terrors crawled up his back to the point of mind-numbing exhaustion. All that was left of him ran away or dried up after the flood.

This was a long time coming. "For such a prolific warrior amongst your kind, you are very weak." A scratch of a cough was all Fit could do as a rebuttal. Does it look like I give a fuck right now? A warm laugh resembling the cackle of a campfire. For some reason, fit could feel the warmth of it. If the damp and cold of this cave was December in Alaska, then this feeling is the inside of a cabin. Right beside the fireplace. He almost smiles. Are you here to taunt me? "Oh no. I'm just here to make sure you're okay, warrior." Fit forces himself to stand. He wobbles slightly on the way up but he manages to steady himself with a deep breath. I don't think I deserve to be called that. It shouldn't have surprised him that the sun was gone. The night should follow the day after all. What was a surprise though was the lack of a moon to light up the sky. Things were illuminated as if there was one. And yet, there is none. Of course. "Oh?" Nonetheless, he eyes up the wall. "So tell me then, FitMC, the so-called legend of 2B2T, what are you?" Fit sighs. The scarf's coming off. "What I am is tired la-" he coughs out, swishing some saliva around to get the horseness out of his throat. "Emperess. My bad, It's Emperess right?" All the while wrapping the scarf around his only human hand. "This is gonna do a number..."

A hum mimicking shock meets him. "I'm impressed, here I thought respect was foreign to you. It appears the brute can show some." "Hey now," he rubs his hands together. the grime from the cave will have to do. "I may be from hell, but that doesn't mean we don't know the concept of authority." Snuffing it out united us them. He hops in place for a minute. It's been more than a minute since he's done this. "Then you should learn this lesson quickly, I am more than above your station FitMC. I am millennia worth of energy and intellect and wisdom, collected all into a flame that grows and develops as time progresses. You are but a spark compared to me." He smirks. "Degradation isn't my thing you're majesty. Nice try though,"

Fit leaps, holding onto a sturdy ledge before securing his feet. "Know your place, little warrior." Ma'am, yes Ma'am! He mimics with a little salute. This is gonna be a long climb.

[sunlightfeeling]

so..... how did you get into smap, anyway? (i would like to hear the origin story)

hiii anon! i would love to tell this story!!

first the elevator pitch version:

like a lot of more recent fans (i.e. post-JE launch), i was a victim (affectionate) of the RGG to SMAP pipeline

…bit of a boring story, and honestly isn’t a real indication of how I got to have this brain (affectionate, i love having five old men stewing in my brain all hours of the day 👍😬)

sooo im going to tell the story of how the pipeline hit me so hard 😄

the real origin goes back to 2021…

(im gonna make a cut for this story because this is gonna be long long - i promise this isn’t an exaggeration)

so back in 2021, i had an xbox one and game pass (side note: game pass is so worth it, actually fantastic)

and I found a series that I had never heard of…Yakuza

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=hX9EomZwntU

sorry

anyway

downloaded Yakuza 0 and started it up

really dug the vibes, story, music, legitimately everything

then I reached Majima’s first chapter and ooooh the opening got me good

not too long after getting to this chapter, I was graciously gifted a ps5

and one of the first things i did was…

…impulsively buy every Yakuza release on ps4

…and the Judgments as soon as I realized they were under RGG’s umbrella

…after only playing like probably less than 10 hours of a prequel

(disclaimer: i do not mean to romanticize/minimize impulse purchasing; I’m more trying to give an accurate image of how deeply invested I got in a series that essentially sent me on my path; i was/am very fortunate and cognizant of how lucky i am to be able to cover/shield myself from consequences of my actions - so to speak lol)

probably six-ish months and 2 hiatuses later, I reached Y6

and i dont know if it was because the game was the last Kiryu game (at the time) and I was getting all emotional, or if it was because the likeness to Kuroda was pretty…

<stares at pictures of Y6 Kiryu way too long>

…preeeetty 🫠

i started developing (what knowing what i know now call) a hyperfixation on not just Y6 but also Kuroda Takaya lol

basically listened to his music whenever I could/on repeat; Y6 was the only thing I wanted to spend my free time playing; etc etc etc

(for reasons, this fixation actually led me to consider my possible neurodivergence; I wonder why 🤔..🥲)

finish Y6 and become baseline-which-isnt-really-baseline normal about Yakuza when I play LAD7

but then….

“Alex, stop hyperlinking sound effects”

(affectionate)

yeahhh it’s Judgey Time

okay so ive mentioned in tags somewhere but i actually didnt have high hopes for Judgment

at all

the cover just didn’t do anything for me at all…

…and i thought the protagonist was ugly 💀

(im actually genuinely serious, this isn’t me “not like the other girls”ing; i vividly recall looking at the cover when it was about time for me to start playing it and whining to my then-bf that I wasn’t sure I was gonna like it cuz the guy looks really weird 🤣)

but i booted it up and right when Yagami shows off his badge in the prologue

girl

giiiiiirl

I didn’t realize at the time but the seed had been planted and baby that beanstalk grew

Halloween 2022 (and I only know this date for a fact because I memorialized it texting then-bf about it) is the day I decided to look up who this guy really was

I can’t recall what made me finally look him up, whether lurking on the Yakuza subreddit or just something in the game, I dunno

i shared it once but I’ll share it anytime i can…

^^ this was my first Kimura photo

the first one I actually paid more than just a passing glance at anyway……

…i finished judgment in like two/three weeks [and not in a rushed playthrough by any means - getting all the cats, doing all the side cases/romance, etc.] (have a text trail of me going into the finale and date stamp is p exactly two weeks from Halloween 🥲)

started lost judgment immediately because i have texts days after this bitching about dropping money on the dlc before even starting it lol (again: not recommending/romanticizing; just giving perspective on how active my brain was about RGG/Kimura already)

now this…..this is where my timeline gets fuzzy

because i cant really remember how fast i beat lj before starting his dramas

or if maybe i started them before even finishing the game

skipping ahead to January 2023 and I’ve definitely wrapped lj by this point

and have watched a fair amount of kimura dramas (i genuinely cant give a number tho 😭)

around this point, ive determined that im fairly confident in being audhd

and i personally would have described kimura as a combined special interest-hyperfixation at this point (because the intensity would ebb and flow in a way)

started collecting things, starting with his albums and his live recordings (and eventually a lot lot more [I’ll get back to scanning consistently eventually I promise lol])

the defining moment to when I finally crossed from Kimura to SMAP…

…was actually watching Go with the Flow

I had heard bits of SMAP, but, as many unfortunately discover, accessibility to their music is…..well it’s just not there lol

I even got YouTube Music because I found playlists of SMAP performances and could just listen to them while I was working or driving

not that I could really hear them all that well since they were all live performances w screaming or muffled audio/crunchy audio/remixes/etc etc etc

(except for pams seigi shoutout to pams seigi [sorry goro 😔; also i linked that specific one for the tags but please look in the reblogs for a diff version of seigi that they did because it’s ridiculously good])

On Go with the Flow, Kimura performs “Style” which made me go on basically a witch-hunt to find the song since it wasn’t an album track and I didn’t know SMAP’s discography

Eventually found out it was SMAP (Kimura solo on s.m.a.p specifically) and decided that I actually really needed to listen to SMAP

aaaaaand I did ☺️

and then I found Jes yeah no I definitely didn’t

and…that is my SMAP origin story

[mkeyztrm]

okay but i do wanna be real really quick about what’s been going on for me personally, i feel like i haven’t been honest with anybody even in my personal circle of friends.

so, seasonal depression has been hitting me hard. if you don’t know what that is, here’s the definition.

I have no idea how to explain how I feel in real words, so I’m gonna write out a scenario that explains it.

imagine a truck coming at you from your left side. full speed, fully accelerating no stop.

imagine a train coming at you from your right side. off the rails, full speed, fully accelerated, no stop.

there’s only one way out, and that’s the doorway infront of you, but in order to exit through that doorway you’d have to face a thousand blades infused with the worlds deadliest snake venom.

You can’t go back, that’s your worst choice.

behind you stands a 6 foot brick wall enforced with lasers, spikes, thorns, knives, daggers, swords, bullets, cannons. any object that can cause harm, but you don’t see that just by looking at it. It’s sugar coated with portraits of all your best memories, the things you could go back to if you just climb over that wall and “save yourself”. But you know it’s a trap, and that as soon as you ground yourself on the other side you’ll face the worst outcome you could’ve ever imagined.

now the truck never hits you, neither does the train. it’s the anticipation of “when will it hit me, when will it all be over” that’s really getting you going. the adrenaline rush of knowing you could either make it out, or stay there stuck in a trance of your very own irrational fear of confrontation.

in short, your options are limited.

the only true choices you got are;

stay there and continuously be stuck in a loop of emotions

go back, and face your worst nightmares.

go forward, risk losing it all.

or, you go forward, say “fuck you” to all those negative thoughts, all the negative outcomes and go forward with your life.

now picture everything I’ve just described in that writing as one, singular emotion / feeling. imagine that emotion constantly lingering. any feeling of being happy making you feel guilty afterwards.

that’s what I have been going through. some days i feel fine, great, amazing even. then once i get hit with another wave of this negative feeling i regret ever saying anything to anyone in the first place. It’s really messing with my life. it’s been to the point I’ve crossed the thought of “sewer slide”. i haven’t had those thoughts in ages. i don’t want to do it, I’m not going to do it. /srs but something makes me wonder what everyone’s lives would be like if I wasn’t here. would they be better? /rh probably not because I don’t really impact people that much LMFAO. but I’m not gonna die guys /srs pls don’t report me to safe2say 😭😭😭😭. My relationships are fucked up. I’m slowly distancing myself from anyone i don’t see everyday and the fact I’m aware of it is what really makes me feel regret over it. my love life sucks, im so very genuinely trying my hardest to shake the thought of it away, but no matter how many times it leaves it just comes back even stronger. Anytime I see couples it just reminds me even more that the only people who’d love me romantically are my exes. though, even my exes were just confused and the majority of them actually just saw me as a friend. they just couldn’t differentiate platonic and romantic. all i want is for someone to love me just as much as i love them. i think id do just about anything to have a healthy, stable relationship where communication is there.

that’s really wrecking me, but there’s definitely been some good things.

my best friend is being released from residential soon, and i miss her so fucking much. she means the entire world to me, no person could ever compare to her. she’s so stunning on the inside and out, and she doesn’t recognize it as much as she should. she deserves the world. she’s gonna celebrate my birthday with me we’re gonna have my first birthday party ever at her house :)

my other best friend is gonna hangout with me this weekend, we’re gonna get matching hair dye. I’m gonna get split dye and I think she’s picking one of the colors. she’s learned so much about me and I’ve learned so much about her, it’s honestly so refreshing to hangout with her and leave everyone else in the past for a minute. she doesn’t understand how much of a positive impact she has on me. <3

i wrote a lot, sorry for yapping. i just figured I’d be deadass for a minute, even if no one really cares it’s nice to be able to get the words out in a way

[lonelyfanboy48]

Canadian Freedom Or Hibernation Heartsick Chapters 1-3

Chapter 1 Grizz’s Solidarity Forthcoming

Panda and Ice Bear took Grizz to one spot of the San Francisco forest after he put on his blindfold from home. They’ve been hiding the surprise from his brother for days, preventing him from anywhere in the forest especially San Francisco ever since they released all the bears from Agent Trout. A lot has changed since bears were fully accepted in society and it wasn’t easy for them to set up the surprise for their brother.

“Are we almost there?” Grizz asked.

“Yes, just keep walking.” Panda smiled.

“Still can’t believe I haven’t spent days in the forest.”

“Trust us, it’ll be worth it.”

“Ice Bear doesn’t mess with surprises.” Ice Bear commented.

They made their way to their destination where a fire took place. In no time, Panda and Ice Bear stopped Grizz in place as Ice Bear untied the blindfold.

“SURPRISE!!!” Chloe, her parents, Darrell, his wife Sofia, Lucy, her brother and boyfriend Clifford and Kale, Ranger Tabes, The Poppy Rangers, Griff, Tom, Isaac, Amanda, Samantha, Kazumi, and Karla shouted, catching Grizz by surprise.

“Wow!” Grizz reacted.

“Happy Bear Solidarity Day!” Panda cheered as the bears, small and big, jumped out of the brushes. They walked up to Grizz and they roared softly, not loud to disturb him.

“Happy Bear Solidarity Day?”

“It’s a holiday Panda and Ice Bear made back in San Francisco a week ago.” Chloe smiled.

“They’re celebrating the holiday over there, but it’s way better doing it here.” Ranger Tabes added.

Grizz teared up from the sight itself. His friends, brothers, and bears are celebrating a holiday they earned. “This is awesome!”

“You bet!” Griff and Kale replied.

Grizz and his brothers sat down next to the fireplace while the other bears sat next to the other humans. “I never thought we would get our very own holiday!”

“Believe me, it wasn’t easy to make it a holiday.” Panda giggled.

“It’s a long story.” Lucy replied.

“I’m still surprised you managed to get a holiday thanks to a heroic rescue.” Karla commented. “I wasn’t there when you three came back.”

“Surprised you didn’t see it on TV.” Darrell turned to her. “Everyone saw it.”

“I was out of the city.”

“Ohh, that’s right.” Grizz remembered. “You took a trip to Los Angeles for a week.”

“It was the closest place I could take a vacation.”

This gave Grizz a thought when it came to him and his brothers escaping even if it was anything but a vacation. “If you had to escape a corrupt government agent, you would probably have to go far away from California.” Sofia added.

“The bears did tell me their story and about Agent Trout, it’s just it was my first vacation in almost a decade.”

“Not that we blame you, it’s Trout we’ve been worrying about.” Panda replied.

The bear cubs hid behind Amanda’s leg in fear, still remembering how intimidating Agent Trout was. The panda girl picked one of them up, hugging to give it comfort from fear. “We all have a lot to think about but all that matters is that he's arrested and he’s not gonna be released from jail anytime soon.” She nuzzled on the cub.

“I still can’t believe you almost went to Canada.” Clifford replied. “Even if it wasn’t by choice.”

Grizz did tell them why they couldn’t go to Canada, but he didn’t plan out what their new life would’ve been. He wasn’t sure if they were safe, but in the current duration, he and his brothers were far from harm. “I only glorified the idea of going to Canada with my brothers. But we never stepped foot in the land because we did not have passports.”

“Ice Bear never experienced Royal Canadian Mounted Police.” Ice Bear commented.

“Not to mention there’s more bears there from what I saw online.” Chloe replied.

This gave Karla a thought, knowing how Canada has a variety of bears in the high north. She sat by the bears, taking them by notice. “Do you want to go to Canada?” She asked. “Even after everything that happened?”

Grizz and his brothers looked at the bears all wanting to know their answer. “If we had passports…” Soon everyone paid attention to Grizz. “...we still don’t know what life is like there.”

“Life in Canada looks good from the outside.” Diaz replied. “On the inside…”

“It’s a wonderful world to explore.” Murphy added.

The Poppy Rangers loved the idea of going to Canada, but Ranger Tabes still feels unsure. “It is but do you know what adventure it would be like?” She pointed at the bears.

“That’s a great question.” Kale commented.

“You went through a lot.” Tom added. “Everywhere you go, something happens.”

“There’s no avoiding it.” Samantha added.

The bears remembered their journeys, endless and endless journeys even from their house alone. But in a new environment like Canada, they don’t even know what the unexpected would be like.

“I guess we could try giving it a shot but we still need time.” Grizz answered.

“Adventure or experience, we need to plan out before…obviously.” Panda still remembers the whole passport problem.

“Ice Bear qualifies blueprint odyssey.” Ice Bear spoked.

“That’s fine.” Lucy smiled. “Just remind us when you're ready.”

“We'll come if you do, even if it requires passports.” Griff replied.

“Isaac all the way.” Isaac added.

The bears and friends returned to their holiday as they ate marshmallows, heating them over the fireplace. Soon the other bears allowed The Poppy Rangers, Chloe, and Clifford to ride on their backs along with cubs in the front and back. Bear Solidarity Day put the bros back in the mood, hanging out with their friends and how the changed society improved their lives. When it comes to their plans, they get back to that when they head back to their home.

Chapter 2 Mom App In Motion

When everyone left the forest, the bears returned back to their home. When Charlie came over, Grizz, Panda, and Ice Bear sat together on their sofa, thinking about their plan after telling Charlie their time with their friends.

“Canada?” Charlie blinked. “You three want to go there?”

“Yes, but we still need to plan this out.” Panda answered. “Passports are the first goal.”

“And taking people along.” Grizz remembered. “We really need to work out some of their schedules.”

Ice Bear knew he would take Chloe along, but there’s one person he wanted to bring, knowing it’ll take weeks until he reunites with her. He made a promise to himself to show her to his brothers but he didn’t know when the time was right.

“Ice Bear?” Grizz taped on Ice Bear’s shoulder. “Thinking of someone to bring along?”

Ice Bear nodded. “Ice Bear will show you tonight.”

Charlie crossed his arms, while looking at the ground. He wanted to come along, but at the same time, he still hasn’t got over his fear of being around humans. “Aren’t you gonna miss me if you do go?”

“Charlie, even if you do come along, you haven’t met all of our friends.” Grizz spoked.

“I was with a few of them when you came back.”

“Yeah up until you headed back to the forest.” Panda recalled.

“I didn’t have anything to do, even when you’re accepted in society, I just wanted to keep my distance from humans. I can’t let go of my fear.”

The bears wanted to help Charlie, but they’re aware how sensitive he is. Aside from Ranger Tabes, they still feel unsure about helping him meet their friends one by one. “We will miss you.” Grizz replied.

“Sorry bears, if only I can figure out a way to work out my problem.”

“It’s not like you couldn’t control your fear.” Panda replied. “I had fears I couldn’t let go.” As they got back to their Canada plan, there was only one way to resolve their passport problem. “Do you think we need someone to help us?”

“What do you mean?” Grizz asked.

“Like having someone to help out with the passports? Not to mention getting us in Canada? Our friends may be willing to come but if they can’t get their own passports on their own, we won’t be able to have our Canada adventure.”

“Ice Bear can’t get through the massive barrier.” Ice Bear commented.

Grizz couldn’t disagree. After the journey he and his brothers went through after being forced to leave San Francisco, they didn’t want the same set back to ruin everything all over again. Then an idea came to Grizz. “Panda, do you still have that Mom App?”

Panda blinked from the idea, he took out his phone while looking at the apps until the one his brother just mentioned. “Yes.” He responded. “I forgot to delete it.”

Grizz took the phone from Panda while pressing the Mom App. “We picked three moms while having one mom…get punished since we couldn’t cancel her.”

“You couldn’t cancel her?” Charlie asked.

“We called her mother, but it had nothing to do with cancel culture.” Panda answered.

When Grizz looked through the section of moms up until the one he picked last time. “This could work.” Grizz showing his brothers a picture of Gayle. “She could take care of not only our passports, but some of our friends too.”

“Wait, should we think about this? You know she embarrassed us and she’ll have to come with us.”

“It’ll be the only way to get to Canada. We can at least reason with her, she can be more than a mom.”

Panda and Ice Bear wanted to believe him, but they wished there’s another way. If they had the choice of picking a different mom, they would get themselves into the same predicament as before. But they agree that out of the three moms they picked, Gayle was the best.

“Okay, but there’s no going back.” Panda sighed.

“Ice Bear prays he doesn’t take violin lessons.” Ice Bear said, taking the risk.

“Charlie, you need to leave right now, the moment we press the button, she’ll be right at the front door.” Grizz pointed at the door.

“Okay.” Charlie makes his way to the back door of the house. “Good luck with your trip to Canada.”

“We'll find something to give you when we get back.”

Charlie felt a little better from their gesture before he headed out, finding a different route to prevent getting attention. Grizz pressed the button on the phone and in no time, Gayle knocked on their door. Like before, they walked up to the door as Grizz opened it, revealing Gayle.

“Oh it's you boys again.” She cheered. “Let’s throw a party to celebrate-”

“No! No! No! No!” Both Grizz and Panda shouted.

Ice Bear pulled Gayle inside while closing the door, placing her on the sofa. “Whoa! Then we can play party video games!”

“Maybe later, but please don’t do anything!” Grizz walked in front of Gayle.

“We support your supportiveness, but do it when we need it.” Panda added. “Even though…that’s not why we wanted you.”

Gayle felt confused after listening to the honesty from the bears. “Then what do you really want from me?”

Grizz sighed while telling the truth. “We want you to help us and our friends…to get passports to Canada.”

Gayle remained silent from the answer she received. She wasn’t happy, but she wasn’t mad either. All she wanted to do is support her boys with her part of the family, while in actuality, she’s only part of an app for services. “Do you love your mom?”

The bears looked at each other, not wanting to hurt her feelings. “Yes.”

“We’re doing activities in Canada. If you help us, we'll do anything to prove to you we love you.” Panda replied.

“Ice Bear won’t keep moms in the dark.” Ice Bear said.

“Well it’s not that I don’t like Canada, it’s just doing passports is the last thing I would want to do.” Gayle speaking honestly. “What kind of trip would it be like in Canada?”

“It’ll…be an adventure!” Grizz coming up for the solution. “We’re maybe separated in groups, but you will have a great adventure.”

“You can hang out with our friends. They’re really fun to be around.” Panda said.

Gayle found the idea appealing, especially with the surprises coming her way. Even a mother who takes their pride seriously, it still wouldn’t hurt to make friends if she helps coming along. She got up from the sofa, walked towards the bears while giving them a big hug.

“I love seeing my boys have their adventures!” She cheered. “Even if I’m not gonna be around for all of you three, you can still tell me everything that happened.”

“So you’re gonna help us with the passports?” Grizz wondered.

“You bet I am!”

“Great, we’re sending you to Ranger Tabes and The Poppy Rangers to help them out, after we play party video games!”

“Oh!”

As Grizz turned on his video game system, he gave Gayle her controller and so did Panda. Just when he’s about to give Ice Bear his controller, he made his way to the kitchen. “Ice Bear, it won’t be family without you.”

Ice Bear turned around before heading into the kitchen. “Ice Bear needs an important item before Ice Bear forgets.”

“Oh that’s right, we don’t want to leave a single friend out from the adventure.”

“We’re waiting for y'all.” Panda added.

Ice Bear entered the kitchen while opening the refrigerator. He’s thankful Grizz and Panda didn’t find out soon but his time ran out when the unexpected happened. He took out the necklace, from someone who they forgot to bring, and Ice Bear kept it to himself since. He however doesn’t know if Grizz and Panda will catch on if they meet the person, especially Chloe, who he wanted to tell her about it. He’s lucky enough to get the person’s phone number the last time he crossed paths, but he’s unsure if the person’s willing to accept the trip to Canada.

Chapter 3 Icy B’s Undercover Ally

Later in the night, Ice Bear took Grizz, Panda, Isaac and Chloe to the destination he usually goes during nighttime. Unlike him and Isaac, Grizz, Panda, and Chloe were too tired, planning to go to sleep. They never bothered Ice Bear’s daily nights out, but they were never those types. When they tried to follow him, they couldn’t keep up with Ice Bear riding on Roomba.

“Icy B.” Grizz yarned. “I appreciate you getting your closest friend to come along, but is it really necessary to do it this late?”

Ice Bear turned around while maintaining his balance on Roomba. “Yes.” He responded.

“I have to go to bed, Ice Bear.” Chloe trying to keep her eyes open. “I also need to work out my problem of heading to Canada too.”

“We still have time, but can we not do this at night?” Panda added.

Ice Bear and his group entered the hidden ally only he went to from time to time. He got off Roomba as he knocked on the door but no one responded like last time. He expected the bouncer to answer but after ten seconds, it felt like he wasn’t by the door.

“Hm!” Ice Bear reacted.

“Isaac senses no one’s taking the job as bouncer.” Isaac commented.

Ice Bear looked at the door while eavesdropping on it. He didn’t hear everything from the other side, as if no one’s inside. Then he decided to push the door as it opened, learning it was unlocked the whole time. They all entered inside with all the lights off. Ice Bear clapped twice to have Roomba turn on its flashlight capability.

“I don’t think anyone’s here.” Chloe looked around.

“Are those computers?” Panda pointed.

“And a coffee bar?” Grizz added.

Ice Bear went to the electric switches, turned off when the employees usually keep them on. He turned them on as the red leon lights of the word Coffee lit up. The green lights turned on around the bar, while the computers slowly turned on, taking everyone by surprise.

“So what is the person you wanted us to meet?” Grizz asked.

“Yana.” He responded.

“Who’s Yana?” Panda asked.

Ice Bear then opened the necklace, showing his bros and friends the picture of her and their parents. He pointed at her underneath, her father as they looked at her closely. “How old is that picture?” Chloe asked.

“Twenty years old.” Ice Bear answered.

“Really? How do you know what she looks like now?”

Then they heard the door being pushed open, taking their attention and so did Ice Bear as he closed the necklace. When she saw Ice Bear in person, she wasn’t fazed at all, especially his group with two bears. “Ice Bear never forgets human faces.”

Isaac took notice from the lady with purple highlights in her black hair with a tattoo on her arm. When she walked up to the group, she looked down at Chloe, taking her by surprise. “You must be Yana right?” She backed away a little.

“You catch on quick from him, huh?” Yana smirked.

Ice Bear then walked up to her while handing her the necklace. “Ice Bear kept personal belongings.”

“You had my necklace this whole time?” She took her necklace from him. “I thought I lost it.” She opened it, and witnessed her photo of two parents.

“Wow, an undercover dude.” Grizz commented. “That’s an interesting friend you have, Icy B.”

Ice Bear didn’t want to retort to his brother, but he knew he won’t get the real truth from what his night outs are like. “Ice Bear, brothers, and friends are going to Canada. Ice Bear wants to know if you want to come.” He offered.

“Canada?” Yana responded. “Seems an odd place to go after the many places we went.”

“You went to different places?” Chloe took notice.

“Yes. Places all over the globe, Tokyo, just to name one of them.”

“Tokyo!?” Panda reacted. “Why didn’t you tell us Ice Bear!?”

“Okay, let’s not get over our heads.” Grizz pulling Panda away. “But still, you didn’t tell us about this?”

“Ice Bear wants to be a solo adventurer.” Ice Bear responded.

“Isaac was overthrown by a world traveling bear.” Issac replied.

Yana laughed from Ice Bear’s bros. “I have to say your bros are kind of funny. Not to mention your friend there seems to qualify for missions.” She stared at Isaac. “As for your offer, I’ll take it. Besides from how our troubles got last time, it’s better to go somewhere that isn’t a deathtrap.”

This caused Ice Bear to place his paws on his face, causing his brothers to take notice. “On second thought, it’s better if you never told us what you’ve been doing over night.” Panda awkwardly grinned.

“Why is this coffee place closed with the door unlocked?” Grizz asked.

“I had to quit my job and the people who used to work here abandoned this place due to…Barry finding out where I work.” Yana sighed. “Granted I wish he and his goons would leave me alone, but I knew it would just get uglier.”

“Just hearing the name Barry is someone I really don’t want to meet, just like how I met Agent Trout.” Chloe commented which caused Yana to lean down.

“I’ve heard of him and I saw Ice Bear on TV when I was at a bar. Haven’t heard of him since you came back.” She looked up at Ice Bear while back at Chloe. “If you saw me and him together, we would make an unstoppable team.”

Chloe looked back to Ice Bear, from time to time, they’ve done so much together but when it comes to missions, she looked at Roomba. She wished she experienced what Ice Bear accomplished, but living on the verge of danger is the last thing she wanted. But her attention was turned to Yana’s necklace, remembering her parents. “Do you remember the last time you met your parents?”

“Not much, life was different when I was with them and it changed when I came here.”

“It’s sad that your mom and dad aren’t gonna be in Canada.” Grizz spoked. “I believe it would make your time there.”

“It’s not like I was expecting more. If there's a will there’s a way of getting away from Barry.”

When Ice Bear looked at Roomba, he planned on bringing it along, but was having second thoughts. If Barry is still in San Francisco, he could find his home and rob it. But if he does bring it, he could encounter him with him being a step ahead of him. However with Yana by his side, she’s right about him and her being an unstoppable team. And with Isaac by his side, he has no problem telling him everything.

“Ice Bear makes sure our trip is harm free.” He responded.

“I’ll pack up and I’ll come when you’re ready.” Yana smiled. Just when she’s about to head out, she turned around. “By the way, I found your little kid my favorite.” As she headed out, it caused Chloe to smile a bit.

“Looks like I’m gonna be making a friend in Canada.” Chloe replied. “If I can still resolve to go to Canada.”

“We’re still working it out.” Grizz looked at Chloe. “Do you need to convince your college principals your trip to Canada is important?”

“They wanted me to do research in Canada, but I turned it down. Too much work for me to handle nor have fun.”

“You could write a story about your experiences in Canada.”

“Yeah, it’s still an adventure and it’s also your adventure.” Panda added.

“Ice Bear’s happy to read Chloe’s Canada adventure.” Ice Bear replied.

“Okay, I’ll tell them that.” Chloe smiled. “That’s something I would have fun to do.”

“I do want you to meet someone tomorrow. Ranger Tabes, Griff, and Karla are gonna come also. If he wants to come, that is.” Grizz placed his paws on his body. “I still can’t believe you haven’t heard of him yet.”

“Isaac is aware of celebrity animals, but never knew them personally.” Isaac commented.

“I can tell he won’t like Ranger Tabes at all.”

“I’m still looking forward to meeting him. Especially since I might make a friend with someone we just met.” Chloe said.

“Trust us, he’s not gonna be like Yana.” Panda replied. “Anyway, we should head home. Me, Lucy, Clifford, Kale, Kazumi, and Tom are gonna go to Amanda’s house first thing in the morning.”

The Bears and two humans left the coffee building as Ice Bear took Chloe home, the same way he did after the camping day he had not too long ago. The moment he arrives in Canada with Yana by his side, he’ll be prepared if any foe similar to Barry or Trout gets in his way.

[pokemonispain]

Kavetham anon again!!!!

Omg chronic illness Kaveh 👀

Would you mind sharing every single headcanon so I can read them in bed at 3am and sob 😭😭😭😭

So sorry this took so long anon, I didn’t forget I’ve just been swamped irl. But here they are:

HaiKaveh/Kavetham hc general and sickfic etc

•So between the two I figured that Kaveh’s hands would feel a bit rougher because of how much hands-on work he does as an architect. Also probably has more scars on his body than Alhaitham because of work accidents be that at the build site or from working with his actual drawing/sculpting tools. That actually doesn’t stop him from like taking care of his skin though. Like Kaveh is definitely the one who owns like 15 different types of skin care lotions etc 😂😭

•Alhaitham’s hands I figured while he would have callouses on his fingers they’re mostly from either his sword fighting/training and how much writing he does from his job as a scribe. So just like light callouses.

• I also hc that while Alhaitham is probably stronger than Kaveh the other is no slouch either, like he won’t be fighting against Cyno anytime soon but I figure he can at least lift his claymore by hand and Alhaitham if he truly wants to, he’d definitely mumble curses under his breath depending on the reason surrounding the latter too🤭

•Another one for Alhaitham is I swing between the hc that he’s deaf/hard of hearing or that his hearing is really sensitive. Another reason for wearing his headphones in crowded places.

•A hc I have for Kaveh is that he was probably bullied a lot as a kid, because I also hc as chronically ill and kinda susceptible to getting sick easier (sick Victorian maiden Kaveh😂😭) I also hc that he may have grown up in the desert as a kid to some extent (watch this be wrong when he releases) so he probably struggled a bit more than the average person.

————

Now for the more sickfic type hc

Alhaitham first:

General illness stuff

•out of the two of them Alhaitham takes better care of himself and usually realizes when he’s gonna get sick. So he’d definitely take time off to try to rest etc at a moment's notice.

•Kaveh would definitely know Alhaitham is sick or at least that something is off from the sheer fact that Alhaitham would seem like he struggling to process anything Kaveh is saying. So he’d just ask Alhaitham what’s wrong & why he’s home early.

•Alhaitham would probably just shake his head and mumble that he’s sick before walking to his room because he’d just want to sleep and lay down.

•may try to read a bit while he waits for himself to fall asleep. But eventually realizes he can’t process what he’s reading and stop.

•Kaveh would definitely do his best to make as little noise as possible when Alhaitham’s sick, because he knows that Alhaitham can be more sensitive to noise when he’s not feeling well.

•may even gently knock on Alhaitham’s door and come in his room to ask him if he wants anything like water or something to eat. Would bring him something if he asks for it.

•unsurprisingly while Alhaitham would do his best to stay in bed and rest etc he also would probably get out of bed because he wants to read something but with his books being everywhere he’d need to go looking for the one he wants, would be dizzy and nauseous just from getting up without a doubt.

•Kaveh would know he’s going to try to do this because it’s not the first time he’s taken care of Alhaitham when sick, plus he knows how Alhaitham is. Would have to kinda guide/make him get back in bed and tell him to stay there while he gets the book and to not get up.

•for some reason I feel like Kaveh gives off a mother hen-type energy when Alhaitham is sick. He doesn’t like crowd him or bug him without reason but does check in on him often, mostly just checking his temperature and bringing him things he needs. I figured Kaveh would know how to take care of someone really well considering he’s so used to getting sick.

•I also feel like Alhaitham probably loves having his hair being stroked while trying to get to sleep when he’s sick. And between the two of them he probably is the one that gets clingy when sick as well, so if like Kaveh lays down beside him to keep him company Alhaitham pretty much wraps his arms around him and just clings to him. Soooo cute

Speaking of temperature taking:

•for that I like the image of Kaveh having to stand on his tip toes a bit and reach out to pull Alhaitham down a bit to press their forehead’s together. All while Alhaitham is wondering what he’s doing, since Kaveh just grabbed him without saying anything.

And Kaveh just telling Alhaitham he feels warm. It’s really cute and makes me giggle 😭

But I also just like the thought of like Kaveh placing his hand on Alhaitham’s forehead.

•Alhaitham’s fever rarely gets really horrible ie need to go to the hospital now type horrible. Alhaitham has probably had fevers like that probably a handful of times in his life. Although the first time Kaveh seen him with a fever that high, definitely scared him/worried him.

Mainly because Alhaitham was delirious and occasionally whimpering for his grandma, and could barely recognize Kaveh. So cute😭

Now for emeto headcanons for Alhaitham when sick:

•Usually his nausea would be going on for a while. But more just lurking in the background while he’s trying to read or lay down.

•he seems like the type to try and make sure he has a trash can by the bed or makes it to the bathroom about 98 percent of the time because clean up would be a bitch.

•I do figure that his stomach gets pretty bloated when he’s nauseous. (The thought of this and that fucking sheer top he’s wearing rots my brain🤤)

•For Alhaitham it’s probably hard for someone else to tell if he’s literally seconds away from being sick, because he’s always quiet however he may burp occasionally right before he pukes/his nausea is really really bad. Otherwise, he’ll just sit there seemingly as quiet as usual, just staring at the floor or whatever is in front of him, so he just looks like he’s thinking about something.

If he’s already sick it would be even harder to tell because he’d already be pale. However, depending on how sick he feels or how bad the nausea is, he may have a slight grimace on his face. It is hard to tell when he’s in distress most of the time. (Love him😭❤️)

•if he’s in bed and Kaveh is talking to him, and there’s no like trash can nearby he would definitely interrupt Kaveh to tell him to bring him one. Has also startled Kaveh by suddenly scrambling out of bed to rush to the bathroom when he knows opening his mouth and trying to talk will make him puke instantly and he usually makes it to the bathroom.

•those very rare times where he hasn’t been able to make it to the bathroom or the trashcan isn’t nearby, he will do everything he can to avoid puking on the blankets or carpet. Although he has puked on the hardwood floor or just leaned over the bed with his hands cupped beneath his mouth.

•Cue Kaveh panicking but also asking Alhaitham why he didn’t say anything. Which is usually what Kaveh says when Alhaitham is sick enough to puke.

•I feel like Alhaitham sounds like he’s in pain while puking, his retching is harsh and violent, he’s coughing and sounding like he’s trying not to choke, can barely catch his breath in between waves. Tears in his eyes. He is a gross mess. (Kaveh would be internally trying not to cringe)

•would definitely be sitting there afterwards with his eyes closed, dizzy and drained trying to get his barings doesn’t even try wiping his mouth yet. Kaveh would be gently rubbing his back and Alhaitham leaning into his touch. Having to get Alhaitham a wet wash cloth and help him lay down why he cleans things up.

•if Alhaitham did make it to the bathroom though Kaveh would need to try to coax him back to bed, especially if he still feels nauseous because Alhaitham wouldn’t want to risk moving.

——

Kaveh’s turn😂 :

General illness stuff

•Kaveh gets sick a lot, it’s a combination of his immune system already being trash and the fact that unlike Alhaitham he’s prone to overworking himself and stressing. So skipping meals and sleep while too engrossed in his work. Although if Alhaitham notices that he looks like he’s wearing himself too thin would encourage Kaveh to eat by bringing him something maybe sleep. Kaveh probably would eat what Alhaitham gives him but probably doesn’t get some sleep like he should.

•Between the two of them Kaveh is definitely the one who is prone to hiding the fact that he’s sick whether on purpose or by accident. If it’s on purpose it’s because he knows that Alhaitham will practically force him to rest; he will keep the fact that he’s sick under wraps.

•This normally goes one of three routes, either Kaveh collapses or winds up throwing up which lets Alhaitham know he’s sick and woke up sick. Alhaitham notices that Kaveh has been acting strange or looking off. Or Kaveh does rest but Alhaitham finds him laying on the couch or in bed or even sitting at the kitchen table with a fairly bad fever.

•If Alhaitham finds out he’s sick before Kaveh collapses or something it’s 9.5 times out of 10 because Kaveh is strangely quiet . And he would know that if Kaveh is quiet something is wrong.

•I figured Alhaitham would just reach out and feel Kaveh’s forehead if the other is closer enough to him. While Kaveh is just kinda surprised and confused at why Alhaitham is suddenly touching him.

•definitely makes Kaveh lay down and rest without a doubt, would probably even carry him to bed (Alhaitham’s own more than likely 🤭) .

•Kaveh would definitely be confused and annoyed too and may even tiredly put up a fight especially if he has a deadline he needs to complete. But Alhaitham would encourage him ie force him to lay down and rest.

•All while this is going on Alhaitham would definitely be worried and show it in his own way.

•I can definitely see him basically taking a few days off from work, getting Kaveh whatever he may need, even sitting by Kaveh’s bedside and reading or trying to get his fever down the best he can.

•Although I figured he’d be used to Kaveh getting sick, that doesn’t make him any less worried.

•Between the two of them while I hc Alhaitham getting nightmares usually when he has a fever that doesn’t mean that Kaveh doesn’t get them as well.

And Alhaitham would definitely stroke his hair, and hold his hand while stroking the back of his hand with his thumb. May even climb into bed with Kaveh to calm him down which typically results in Kaveh snuggling up to him and holding him.

•Alhaitham has definitely seen Kaveh with high/really bad fevers and it terrifies him each time.

poor Nari getting woken up in the middle of the night because the Alhaitham needs him to tend to Kaveh🤭😌

•I can also imagine that there has definitely been one or three times both when they were in the Akademiya together and when they lived together later in life that Alhaitham in his panic has brought Kaveh to the shower/bath tub in a desperate attempt to get his fever down which is just the absolute cutest 😭😌

•if Kaveh’s fever isn’t bad enough where he spends most of the time in like a hazy delirium though, he would be complaining and whining most of the time for sure.

•if Kaveh thinks he can get away with it will definitely try getting up to work on his project when he thinks Alhaitham has left him alone to cook dinner or something.

Usually gets caught though💀😂

Now for emeto Kaveh hc:

•when it comes to nausea for example Kaveh isn’t good at hiding it at all although he attempts to out of embarrassment. He is very aware of his self image and how people view him after all and worries about it often.

•definitely gets fidgety when he’s queasy and nauseous, usually things like bouncing his leg slightly etc.

•Kaveh is a messy puker, has definitely puked a lot from being sick or drunk. If he’s aware enough he does his best to make it to the trash can, sink, bathroom what have you but it rarely works.

Due to the fact that he he’s been fighting it for so long it’ll usually be pretty violent when he finally does puke, so coughing, spluttering, nearly choking when it sprays from his mouth and nose.

•has definitely puked in his sleep and it’s gotten in his hair, has also puked on the carpet and Alhaitham as well by accident when the other was helping him.

•Kaveh definitely seems like the type to hiccup a lot when he feels nauseous and he’s puking. It’s gotten to the point where if Alhaitham hears him hiccuping and Kaveh is sick/drunk and clearly looking pale he’ll grab the trash can or a bag or something because he just knows what’s gonna happen. May even try to get Kaveh to go to the bathroom.

In the last case he’s definitely made the mistake of just picking Kaveh up quickly to help him get to the bathroom only for it to be too much and Kaveh winds up puking on him.

•I feel like Kaveh also gets tears in his eyes and whines/whimpers when the nausea is really horrible as well. So he’ll just be laying in bed, on the couch or even slumped against Alhaitham with his face buried in his shoulder while the other strokes his hair.

•Kaveh is definitely a loud puker as well primarily due to the fact that he tries to force himself to be quite but when he does puke everything is kinda uncontrollable. A lot of harsh gagging since he pretty much loses control of his gag reflex when the nauseous reaches its peak.

Harsh retching and violent waves/spraying. Like it just goes everywhere and usually makes a huge mess since again he did everything he could to hold it back.

•afterwards Kaveh would just kinda be slumped there weakly gagging in front of the puddle of vomit or trying his best to get an apology out if he puked somewhere he shouldn’t have. So most of the time🤭😭

•he wouldn’t decline if someone rubbed his back for him or held his hair. Either definitely love’s comfort when sick😌

•definitely carries ponytail holders on him normally just for tying his hair back while working and stuff. Alhaitham would probably carry one or two on him for Kaveh in case one breaks, which can come in handy for this as well.(I do love the image of him having to hold his own hair back or Alhaitham holding it for him , too though 👀😌)

———————-

Some fun random hc

•we don’t know wtf that gem on Alhaitham’s chest is and will probably never get an explanation. But occasionally I hc that he gets energy through it via sunlight just because it’s cute and funny to me.

•Main hc I have about it though is that it reacts more like Albedo’s birthmark but also glows/can pulse in time with Alhaitham’s heart beat, it’s more common when he’s sick. But Kaveh does gently stroke the gem because he knows it helps Alhaitham calm down when he needs it.

•when drunk I feel like Kaveh has a habit of gently pinching Alhaitham’s cheeks because they’re soft and he still has a baby face to an extent which is just adorable😭

•also this hc is a self indulgent but I definitely hc Alhaitham as an Emetophile specifically for Kaveh. Like Alhaitham probably kinda realized that he’s into Kaveh puking specifically because of how much he drinks and the number of times he’s had to hold his hair for him while he’s throwing up in the bushes or something.

But he especially loves the moment afterwards as well, whenever Kaveh’s eyes flutter tears clinging to his lashes, Alhaitham having to steady him while Kaveh slowly wipes his lips with the back of his hand trying to get rid of the threads of bile and drool while looking completely out of it and dazed, feeling Alhaitham’s eyes on him but too drunk and nauseous to say anything. (I love this hc so much it makes me feral, may write another fic for it soon🤤🤤🤤)

But yeah this is most/all of the hc for now anon😭 again sorry it took so long😭🫶

[miaoie]

entry 01 - 230506

addressed to you

Hey there, my solace.

I'm really grateful for the conversation we had last night. I feel a lot better now. I feel like I am finally ready to move on and be genuinely happy for you, because I wasn't able to do that. I don't even know why, but I couldn't bring myself to be happy for you because although you have given me everything you could give that time, I still felt like you were depriving me of something; a closure. I couldn't do that before. I held a grudge. It felt like it was so sudden and rushed. I didn't like how it ended. I feel like I was still hanging in midair when you raised me up so high and mighty; and when you decided to end it, I couldn't get back down safely.

It took me what felt like almost half a year to finally realize that the only one who could get me down safely is the one who put me high in the first place. It sucks seeing how dependent I am towards you even without being part of each other's life. It's weird.

Now that we've had what I could say was the most awaited conversation, I feel like I'm ready to move on. If we ever become friends again during research, go. If we ever become classmates again, go. If we ever meet in upd, go.  Whatever it is that the circumstances decide for us, go. If anything, I actually want you back in my life as whatever, but that's not happening anytime soon because I don't think I can, so I'm gonna leave it to fate and the universe.

'Til the next time, friend. Do great things okay?  

- weeyuh

That day, May 6th, was the scheduled date for the release of my test permit for UPCAT; the most popular college entrance exam in my country. UP or University of the Philippines is like the biggest and the most prestigious state university in my country with, I think, second quality education next to ADMU. Which is why applicants this year reached over 100,000 countrywide. 

Personally, UP wasn't on my list. I was actually aiming for Ateneo or Letran, but since this year was the schedule of UPCAT for my batch, I also took the chance 'cause why not? My best friend, Sofia Anne, was actually the one who persuaded me. Probably because UP is her dream university.  If I remember it correctly, she has been working on her academic performance to pursue the Doctor of Veterinary Medicine program in UP ever since. She told me that I should try and take the opportunity, and so I did. I submitted my Form 1 on the official website of the UP admissions and finally got my schedule for the test permit. May 6th. 

The two days before that were actually interesting. I remember crying on the night of May 4th because I was reminded of that conversation we had about pasta. You learned that I don't eat carbonara, and so you kind of crossed that out of the list of dishes you said you were going to cook for me. I was crying that night because I finally changed my mind about carbonara. I like it now and regardless, I won't get to taste your recipe. I was sad because it felt like I was changing, turning into someone you don't know anymore. That change kind of scared me because from strangers with memories, we'd just be only strangers when that happens. 

Weeks before that night, I was relapsing countless times. I couldn't stop myself from crying and hurting about the thought of you still caring about me when I have over-villainized you post-breakup. I learned through Sean that you miss our circle of friends, and that you have accepted whatever it is that I'll put you through. You understood that you've hurt me and validated me. That thought bothered me because I wasn't expecting that kind of reaction, but knowing you, it makes sense. I pitied myself during those relapses and made a deal with myself that if I ever relapse again, I will finally approach you for closure. I did.

I messaged you 6 paragraphs of all of my questions, pain, anger, confusion, and whatever else included on May 5th at 3 in the morning. Then, I slept. I woke up at 7am that morning. I only had 4 hours of sleep, but it felt like enough. I checked my phone and saw that you've sent your reply. I clicked on it and although my eyes weren't fully awake, I was able to comprehend what you said. You said you were sorry. You explained it really well how you really didn't mean to hurt me, how you admitted that you were selfish and insensitive that time, and how those gestures you did were with pure love and intention and not a cover-up or a compensation of what you were about to do. I cried. I cried at the thought of you loving me truly. It hurt me more how we couldn't be together because of your sexual preference and made me angry at the universe for letting this happen. All in all, I guess at least I experienced my happiest and my most loved moments with you.

After that day, it was finally the release of my test permit. At that point, I've re-read your message almost ten times already. I was making sure I was comprehending it correctly; I was, thankfully. I finally accepted it. I have finally accepted what the circumstances decide for us because I remember you saying you want to pursue Chemical Engineering in UP and if I'm not mistaken, that program is available in Diliman Campus. It occurred to me that there might be a possibility that we'd meet there in UPD because that campus offers my dream program which is Psychology. And if that's what fate plans for us, go. 

I was facing the day like the new version of myself. I saw the journey to UPD as an opportunity to change my perspective and finally heal; 'soul cleansing'. It was like my vacation in Boracay back in 2022 where I went through new experiences that old me wouldn't be able to survive. I don't know why but roaming around unfamiliar yet safe places gives me clarity. And since I'm not yet familiar with commuting from Pacita to Quezon City, I was able to convince Pia to accompany me.  

The bus trip from Pacita to Taft took about 30-45 mins. It was like an accidental catch-up with Pia because we were both busy with me on research and her on both research and review center. I remember her telling something about how chaotic her day was with our other friends when it was their turn to claim their test permit in UPD. They then went straight to MOA and tried the extreme rides there. I could see that they really enjoyed the day because when she was telling me about it, she was talking in high pitch and at a pace that you'd need multiple breaths. It was fun. They had fun and I could see that. 

"'Yung closure lang 'yung interesting na nangyari sakin kahapon eh," I told her when she paused her story because we were about to get on the train. As soon as I uttered those words, I could already tell that she was interested. She has been the goat, the witness of my ups and downs including that relationship with you. She witnessed every cry, every 'ang sakit', every 'miss ko na s'ya'  , every 'bakit kasi ganun?' from me. She knew how important this was for me.  

"Mamaya mo ikwento sa picnic para sulit," she said as the train stopped in front of us. We boarded. We took LRT1, MRT, and LRT2 'til we reached the jeep terminal that goes straight inside the heart of UPD.  

During our jeepney ride, a thought came to me and told Pia about it. "Siguro, kung 'di kami natapos, kaming tatlo ni Marco at Jat magkasama ngayon. I prolly wouldn't be here with you," I said. I mentioned your best friend because I got the knowledge that we have the same schedule. The thought of us going to UPD together just randomly popped into my head. The closure was still fresh, that's why my mind just wandered off on the thought of you.  

After a few minutes, we finally reached the admissions building of UPD. This was it—the reason behind my journey to UPD, Quezon City—the UP office of admissions. I went to the queue that led to the inside of the building. Pia left me alone and headed for the waiting area since companies weren't allowed inside. I was honestly impressed by the process because it was well-organized in a circular manner. I went into the backside of the building, and got out in front. It was also an easy and quick process. I didn't wait too long for my permit. After a few minutes, my name got called, and I was able to claim my permit that fast. 

 Once I exited the building, I was looking around for Pia. I wasn't able to understand her when she told me where she was going to stay to wait for me. So I looked around in search of a tall skinny wolf cut-haired woman with glasses. I was kind of panicking that I didn't see her anywhere, so I checked my phone and tried to contact her. I forgot to take notice of the poor signal there in UPD, so I put down my phone and once again looked around. What I wasn't expecting to find was you. 

There you were, I found you. I found you, Rian, and Jat. You were exactly in the situation I told Pia in our jeepney ride. I actually couldn't believe this happened.  You pointed at me. Why the heck would you point at me? Jat, then, took notice of my presence. You three all waved at me. I waved back embarrassingly. Fuck, I need to get out of here. Pia, nasaan ka na ba? I thought when I immediately panged my attention to my phone after our tiny exchange. When I looked up at your direction, I saw you whispering to yourselves and began to walk closer. FUUUCKKK!!! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?! STAY BACK!! My mind started going into frantic mode. I didn't know how to fucking act. We just talked last night—LAST NIGHT! I still have to work on myself. I still have to be okay with whatever it is that will get us to interact someday. I still have to accept what's now and change my whole perspective on us. Fuck, I wasn't ready to face you after the conversation we had last night. Fuck!!! When you all started getting closer, I began to walk as well. 

I headed for the start of the queue in hopes of the sight of Pia. Then, I was approached by kids who were looking for the owner of the lost flask they found. I told them I didn't know and I didn't lose one. If I did, they sure weren't the right guys who found it because the flask they were holding was yellowish gold in color while mine was dark blue with stickers all over it. When they started to head for the direction I was facing to ask another soon-to-be upcat taker, Pia called out my name.

I was so fucking relieved that I heard her voice. I turned around and headed towards her direction. Then to my hyperbolic horror, I saw you three again walking towards my direction. Oh my effing gosh! There really isn't a way to avoid you, is there? I bowed my head down when y'all were getting close. When we got to a really close proximity, only Jat waved at me once again and exchanged a 'hi' with me.

After that exchange, I immediately ran to Pia. "Gagi, andito sina Marco. Nakita mo ba?" I informed her. She told me no, and asked about what happened. I told her about the whole interaction, what I felt, and what I thought about it in consideration of the random what-if scenario I told her about during our jeepney ride. What the fuck just happened? 

We then headed to the picnic spot she was telling me about. I then prepared the mantel and lunch I brought. We had our Saturday classes there. Although there are a lot of things I could focus on that day, my mind kept bringing me back to what happened earlier—you. I spent my whole afternoon thinking why it happened, what its purpose was, & what lesson was it trying to teach me. I couldn't stop myself telling Pia every single little thought that popped into my head related to that interaction that day.

I couldn't believe that my tweet came true that if we ever meet in upd, I'll let it happen. Oh my gosh though, why must it happen so fast? I'm still so confused. Destiny is a funny thing and that day, it felt like I was the butt of its joke. 

I think that's all you need to know about what had happened to me that day. I'm curious about yours too, but don't tell me about it. I don't need to know. 

[destinyc1020]

I’m hopeful that the strikes will end and Dune 2 press can continue. It would be crazy for the studios to allow this strike go longer than October, don’t you think? They have got to be losing a bunch of money on halted productions.

You have more hopethan I do Anon lol, coz I don't see these strikes ending anytime soon. 😄

I'm curious what the holiday movie and box office season will look like though with these strikes. 🤔

I would love to see a normal release for Dune 2 as well Anon 🙏🏾, but at the same time, I can't see them holding back on releasing a film that they've already set aside time for 6 WEEKS in IMAX for, and will probably garner them some big box office bucks. I just don't see it 🤷🏾‍♀️

Plus, this year will probably have the least competition tbh.

I really don't think the studios will lose THAT much money just because their actors aren't promoting their films. If anything, what I'm afraid of is the studios realizing that they don't HAVE to pay their actors to fly around the world to do press tours and red carpets, in order for a film to still perform well at the box office. 👀

But I guess we'll see! 🤷🏾‍♀️

Movies are still being released like normal, even with the SAG actor's strike. I actually don't think that many films are being held up yet.

They're gonna REALLY feel the pinch though when the films that were SUPPOSED to keep filming haven't filmed for months, and so everything is delayed next year. 🙃

The greedy execs are banking on the fact however, that the actors and writers will lose money FIRST and faster than they (the studios) will though.

It's such an evil plan imo 😡

[flovverworks]

FINALLY going back to pt2 hehe ch6....

Oz: ......My attempts should have worked. I was chosen as a Central wizard, and the crest appeared on my body. I became the substitute vessel for his fate, taking it upon myself. Or so I thought, until the new sage summoned Arthur. Akira: You mean....... Oz: That was you, Akira. ......In the end, I could not overturn fate.

using akiras name here gives me more pain than anything else

he uses it again l8r that convo and im gaahhT_^ oz....oz who always is heavy on the 'before being the sage u r the human named akira'. the switch to 'the sage' right after too LIKEEE I THINK ITS SOOOO fascinating when oz especially uses akira vs sage..........this convo especially.....

Figaro: Oz. It is as Sir Snow and Sir White say: you cannot change fate. I have never witnessed a single one of their prophecies proven wrong. Not once, in all two thousand years of my life. Knowing that, you still want to save Arthur, right? Figaro’s tone is shockingly gentle. In contrast to the harsh sarcasm he often directs at Oz’s actions, he sounds like he’s trying not to hurt him. His thoughtful hazel eyes are filled with pity, austerity, and an affection akin to despair.

anytime they describe figaro i feel like im imploding. not to mention the fact hes been trying to delay mitiles prophecy for YEAARSSSSS.........affection akin to despair im gonna be ILL. obsessed w this part in general since mitile isnt brought up. and mitiles prophecy is so....help...........the domino effect is......

Figaro: A certain witch once told me that she would probably die soon. I’m talking about Rutile and Mitile’s mother. Since that day — no matter how much she smiled, no matter how happy she looked — I always pitied her. Pity is scorn. I don’t want anyone to look at me like that. Especially not them. Faust: ....Scorn....? You’re simply talking about affection. Aren’t they like family to you? Figaro: They are not.

exchanges that also makes me ill

hehe. the. the hell part..haha...hahahahaa......

I can feel the sweat on Shylock’s palms. His fingertips dig into my hands as he endures the unbearable pain. But each time he comes to his senses, he releases my hands, trying not to hurt me.

T_T no words. im just. oughhhhh........

I feel like I’m about to cry as he laughs, trying to conceal his pain. I grip his hands yet again.

btw akira was tearing up in the ch before too according to my notes....ive said this before but i rlyyyy lov how emotional they allow akira to be, as someone who writes gran who very very rarely cries.

PLEEAAASEEEE THIS SCENEEEEEEEEEEEEE...............scenes thats always rotating in my mind. akira during 2nd anni who couldnt help cain & brad, but neither time were Urgent, and then when faced with shylocks heart on fire again....someone whos visibly in pain....being asked to help because akira Can help oz & mithra.............and then being so unable too. like there r times when akira cant help mithra either, but the scene with shylock is so..........akira who cares so deeply for shylock and yet cant help him when the only one who Should be able to help him is the sage (akira). pain

Figaro: Don’t look so down, Sir Sage. Shylock will be all right now. But it must’ve taken a toll on you too. Should we discuss the wizard Nova another day? I shake my head. I didn’t want him to think of me as a weak, crying, helpless human. Akira: No... I apologize for making you worry. Do tell us.

WHERE DO I STAAAARRRRRRRRT

anyhow is figaros reaction to the twins also is something i think about a looooooooooot........also the rutile leno nero convo...T_^ ughhh the way they talk about the topic of being together or not man....