#probably inflammatory idk

[toacaldoric]

Ok, so, got an opinion here that's probably gonna do numbers in the negative direction quite quickly, but I gotta get it off my chest because I'm tired of it sizzling on the proverbial back burner like it's been for the last... what, several days? Couple weeks? Don't even remember anymore...

Anywho, it'll probably deteriorate in quality over time as I write this because it'll take a bit to do so even remotely coherently and it's already sometime past midnight, so here goes possibly everything.

*inhales*

I don't understand/hold with the whole "Takanuva is trans/ a trans allegory/symbol" thing. Don't get me wrong, the LGBTQ+ community needs as many heroes, icons, symbols, allegories, etc as they can get in this hostile world, especially the trans folks, and I'm all in on supporting the whole thing.

(Hell, I've kinda been trying to take various looks at myself for a while now, trying to figure myself out, and so far I'm pretty sure I'd prefer to be slightly on the more effeminate side of androgynous if I could, but I don't exactly have the time energy, funds, or general environment to go that route rn, or anytime soon.)

And yet, even with all that, drawing a connection between Takanuva and the trans crowd throws me for a loop, because it feels off somehow. The non-binary crowd? Sure, that works, because when you get down to it, the inhabitants of the MU are canonically physically non-gendered (by which I mean, they have no physical genetalia because they don't reproduce) and anything close to "sexual dimorphism" is pretty much cosmetic, aside from some programming bullshit from before Velika turned everyone from drones into people (and maybe a bit of his meddling was added in as well, who knows). Not to mention, Takua/Takanuva already has so much hung on him that it makes no sense to add more. Let me explain...

For starters, back at the very beginning, Takua was barely even a character at all, having instead started as the physical manifestation of YOU, the "Player" as you interacted with some of the original games. I'm not just talking about MNOG here, either, though yes he was vital to that. I'm talking about the GBA game(s) and the one or two PC games that came about before that. No, I don't remember the names of the games in question, mostly because I never got the chance to play them as a kid, and it's currently so late that it's early in the morning, I'm not looking that up rn. Anyway, he was a blank slate, full stop, with no plans for character development beyond those games. This was mostly because Bionicle was only intended to run for a year, at most, before Lego wrapped everything up with the final battle against Makuta, Mata Nui's awakening (which happened in '08/9), and the reuniting of the planets.

Of course, Bionicle itself fucking EXPLODED in popularity, (which no-onw expected back then), and he himself became a popular fan favorite character as time progressed, so amidst the rush to start milking the unexpected cash cow they had on their hands in every way possible, the dev team decided to play on everything previously known about Takua and made MNOG (as well as having him start to show up in other important media, like the books), where he kind of became a vessel for everyone out there who was "the weird kid" in their social group(s), or "the hyper/ADD/ADHD kid", etc. He wandered around everywhere, got into just about everything that could get him into trouble, and all that good stuff. (Of course, we later found out he did this a lot in Metru Nui too, and he got slightly brain-fried by the Vahki because he did it so much, but that didn't exist at that point, so...)

And Lego used him to tell the story that ANYONE could be the hero, and everyone's special, and the power of friendship etc. etc, all the usual moral stuff they crammed into kids' media back then. Not to mention the fact that the Matoran, while self-sufficient and stuff, were all basically stand-ins for kids, wandering about in large groups under the watchful gaze and protective power of the taller, bigger figure(s) in their lives (parents, teachers, older siblings, other adults, etc) while the Turaga we're wrinkly, wizened old mentor/mystic/grandparent types.

And so it was, through the Bohrok arcs, up until the Mask of Light was found and the Rahkshi showed up to wreck everyone's shit. Cue THAT entire arc that we know and love, and suddenly Takua is now Takanuva, the Legendary Toa of Light, etc, and he defeats Makuta and they discover Metru Nui and blah blah blah. (Btw, I'll start referring to Takua/Takanuva as an overall character as "TK/N" from here out, while also referring to his individual Matoran/Toa stages by their individual names.) And yet, let's back up a bit.

The entire MoL arc turns Takua from the "underdog" story we knew him as before into a literal "growing up" story, where he has to face responsibilities and consequences, having greatness thrust upon him (as per the old saying), and generally acting in tandem with these six people he's only every really seen as near godly-level beings before now, because he's basically one of them now too. Of course, there's obviously some major impostor syndrome going on, because how the hell do you try to match pace with such influential figures, especially when you realize that they're each just as much a fucking weirdo screwball as you, if not moreso, and in ways beyond anything you ever got up to before? A very good metaphor for hitting adulthood, looking back.

Everyone's faking it, tbh. No-one has their life under control, adult or otherwise. Anywho, TK/N then continues to learn to use his new power and work with the rest of "the team" even though he's still very evidently the literal seventh wheel, as evidenced by the Nuva heading off to Voya Nui while he's chosen by the Turaga to stay behind and keep the Matoran from going berserk (which fails). Later he goes off with the soon-to-be Toa Ignika, gets separated from them, has a bunch of adventures where his balls finally drop and he comes into his own, then he shows up in Karda Nui having become a much better person (even if he's still half-drained of light, though that quickly gets fixed).

TL:DR, TK/N becomes a typical coming-of-age story, even if the final parts are sidelined for reasons of greater universal-scale plot events. Now, there's obviously a lot more nuance to it all than just that, as well as a few other things he dealt with (IE, confronting his inner darkness on several occasions), but that sums it up to a degree.

Now, going back to an earlier point, I mentioned that gender was basically pointless in Bionicle, at least for the Matoran and such, because in-universe, unlike humans and other organic beings, it had nothing to do with reproduction or furthering the continuation of an individual's species. If anything, it was more cosmetic than truly functional. Of course, it was added in because there was twofold interference from organic beings. One level was, of course, the Lego story writers, which wanted a bit of diversity to grab as many kids' attention as possible while also not getting shit on by parents and other folks in the industry. However, there was more direct and influential interference in-universe, thanks to the Great Beings themselves (who, in turn, were also influenced by the writers), all of which injected a very human bias into things.

The various beings inside the GSR were designed and manufactured based on the physical setup of the normal inhabitants of Spherus Magna, both in form and possibly in their original programming, as also mentioned earlier. Sure, doing so probably had uses, like the liquid-dwelling Ga-Matoran being physically feminine to allow a more hydrodynamic shape, or almost all the Psionic Matoran/Toa being feminine because that one masculine one they built turned out to be too aggressive, etc.

Meanwhile, Av-Matoran were one of the few (if only) type of Matoran with a truly split gender population (the exact percentages are unknown at this time) because they were prototypes for all the other Matoran types to come. So yeah, sure, there was a possibility that there could have been a female Av-Matoran pottering around instead of TK/N on Mata Nui, and who could have had his place as the (a?) Toa of Light in that timeline, who knows.

Sure, I'm also a believer that at least some form of love canonically exists amongst the beings of the GSR in Bionicle, even if it's not the same as what we humans have, which is driven at its core by the need for biological reproduction. You can't be a sapient functionally-immortal being that lives for literally thousands of years, if not millions/billions, and not have at least some kind of compassion and empathy for your fellow sapients around you. Hell, I've seen plenty of art and stories about two or more of the Toa being an item, or a couple of the Matoran even, and I'm all for that.

I'm all about just about EVERYTHING about Bionicle, as long as it's not gross, horrendous, illegal in any of most of the civilized nations here on earth, or anything like that. There's also apparently a decent number of long-time fans of Bionicle who followed it from a young age that also have figured out (or are still currently figuring out) in more recent times that they're trans, which is also fucking great IMHO! But the whole "TK/N=trans" thing? Well, I've seen no precedent for it in-universe (either from TK/N himself or any other characters), and I have no idea where it came from irl, so, again, it all just feels off, from my perspective. Of course, I could just be blinded by a few of the dumb things I'm dealing with in my own life rn (long story, not going into it), or because life at work dealing with dumbass customers has just left me too jaded to see it, idk. I admit that. I'm human, I have failings and biases and opinions and all that other shit. This isn't me trying to be hateful, or a terf (or whatever they're called,) I'm just confused AF about all this.

For those of you among my pitiful follower count who aren't bots, feel free to comment/reblog, or not. Roast me alive, unfollow, try to explain things so as to swing my POV around, whatever you feel like, not that you need my permission to. You're your own people, and this is the internet, so... whatever. Imma go to bed and hope my Tumblr doesn't explode because I had to try and get something that took from maybe 1am til after 3am to write out of my head and off my chest. Maybe I can stop worrying at it like a missing tooth now.

[yesterdayiwrote]

For someone who's so thoughtful when he speaks, Lewis really does still give some absolutely terrible quotes when he's talking to journalists...

[hermit-frog]

jfc have never been this ill in my entire life. it's been 3 weeks, but the last one is just hell. at this point, i'm anxious to even sleep (can't do much because constantly coughing so hard, sometimes i puke)/lie down (and i have to lie down because of my back). every night, i'm just 🤢👍

started with a wet cough, and now i have lpr symptoms? my sense of smell/taste went away 3 days ago. constantly chocking, throat too dry and burnt. even my mouth and nose are. can't eat much, can't swallow, can't breathe, can't sleep. so exhausted. in the morning (sometimes at night as well), my vocal cords like to shut down, making me unable to inhale for some time (terrifying, wouldn't recommend)

wanted to gif but at this point i barely exist

[kakashihasibs]

I can't take any ibuprofen within a week of my surgery so like pray for me x_x

[softgrungeprophet]

hmm

windowverse kaine doesn't have tattoos for a couple of reasons (immune stuff + mental health etc.) but now i'm wondering if i should give annabelle some tattoos 🤔

[hideandseaking]

It really needs to be hammered into people that when you see a headline that makes you enraged and horrified over something that you have to fact check the credibility of the news source. Most of the time they're heavily biased towards something and have mixed factual reporting

[djnusagi]

this Twitter account is using my selfies to pretend to be me and post various racist and generally inflammatory stuff (a lot of it pro Israel and a lot of Taylor Swift stuff for some reason?) please know this is not me and report the account for impersonation if you can. it’s @ KARMALlZED with a lowercase L instead of an i

I’m doubtful it’ll get reported because the form I filled out required me to submit government ID and

1) my driver’s license photo looks nothing like me anymore and

2) it requires “proof of alias” if my name on Twitter doesn’t match the name on the ID. I’ve never used my deadname on this account and haven’t legally changed my name to Vanessa nor is “nusagi” a registered trademark or LLC (maybe I should get on that idk) but because of that I’ll probably lack sufficient proof.

Would be nice to get it taken down but I’m doubtful. What matters is that you all know this isn’t fucking me and I would never post anything like this.

ALSO PLEASE DO NOT @ OR DM OR ANY WAY DIRECTLY INTERACT WITH THIS ACCOUNT. THAT WILL JUST BRING HARASSMENT DIRECTLY TO ME. REPORT AND MOVE ON.

[crowtrobotx]

some friends and i were discussing this a couple days ago and i've been thinking about it since but like. it really is depressing how many people you see on this site (specifically in a fan/fandom context but probably also applicable in general) who will post about how no one wants to interact with them/they wish they had people to talk to etc. and you know it's because they're a huge jackass and brought it on themselves. like, yeah. i'm sure there are some people who are feeling that way for reasons totally out of their control and they're isolated through no fault of their own. but nine times out of ten you go to their blogs and find out they're one of those "i'm constantly posting inflammatory nonsense about strangers over harmless fandom opinions" or "i like to huff my own farts and think that no one is as smart as me" people and it's like. we have a thriving little discord/Heisen-centric community rn that we built because we are all nice to each other. and supportive. and even if we disagree on certain interpretations we don't try to dunk on each other or prove the other person wrong. we enjoy the diversity and we enjoy having both intense conversations about canon analysis as well as silly little self indulgent discussions based on nothing but vibes. and it is genuinely a little sad to think that there are other people who could be having fun and making connections with us but they just can't get over themselves and their weird "moral/intellectual high ground" nonsense! idk. just one of those wild "actually if you are awful to be around and super rude/mean to people you will not have friends" moments that you feel like should be super obvious. and yet.

[tinynap]

ok ok ok . one last moment of insanity (probably) and then i will move on and stop talking about this (probably) but like . i remember first seeing some of caiti's stream and being so scared that he'd done something horrible and looking at clips of this girl sitting there in tears as she described what had happened to her and being so full of empathy and sorrow and shame and now im just like . 😐 idk i think a lot of her original language made it seem like he'd done something different like idk stuck a hand in her pants or groped her or something when that just wasn't the case and then further statements and comments from her and ghostie and other ccs were nothing but inflammatory and fundamentally rooted in the belief that he had SA'd her when that just . wasn't the case. and it really makes me think about things like bias and performative behavior as a whole and how it all comes together to create these people who so many young adults especially look up to who believe that this sort of behavior or whatever is ok slash acceptable and are PRAISING them for it and . idk . it just makes me really really sad

[spaceorphan18]

I just have some thoughts and, I just... they're just thoughts with zero intention of being inflammatory or derogatory. (I do respect all the other ships on the show, enjoy Kanthany and am looking forward to Benedict/Sophie, and am slightly annoyed I even have to have a disclaimer, my god fandom, sometimes...)

I think that in one way that Bridgerton, as a show, struggles a little (and I suppose I mean struggle loosely) is that it's chaffing between wanting to be (what is essentially) an anthology show vs a regular TV show where the characters are developed long term.

I think Simon and Daphne's story works within season 1. But like the book(s), it's a self-contained story that isn't intended to go beyond the happily ever after other than a cameo here and there. (I do hope Daphne comes back eventually to cameo, it's a shame she wasn't in season 3.) But their story isn't meant to go anywhere else.

Anthony and Kate is the most awkward story at the moment. Anthony is one of the few well rounded characters in the book, as he's the head of the household and in most of the books. And Anthony and Kate having to run the household feels a little like a missed opportunity to be developed on the show. Now -- I know it's because Jonathan Bailey is becoming hugely successful actor -- and the original premise of the show is supposed to be self-contained stories. But it's a shame, because I think Anthony and Kate have so much potential for good stories to tell, and I have a feeling they won't be.

The thing about Pen and Colin, though, is that they haven't been treated like the anthology format the two previous couples got. Their story has been treated in a more traditional, long-form tv style, in which the characters have grown and developed, and so Season 3 was their spotlight, but we've past that and... I still think they'll be getting a considerable amount of screen time in Season 4. (Obviously, not as much as Season 3 - and I hope people don't get their expectations up too much). But look at how much they both got to do in Season 1 and 2. It's A LOT. And Season 4 will probably be on par with that.

I'm super curious as to where we go from here. Season 4 kind of has its expected trajectory, and I can pretty much guess what we're in for (and am looking forward to it!)

But what happens after? Do Benedict and Sophie now fade into the background completely? What are we doing with Anthony now - which is still rich in possibility? Pen and Colin's story probably will wrap up (in a way) in Season 4 -- where do their individual arcs go, or will the by pushed back?

[And, as an aside that I don't really want to make -- if Nicola wanted to get off the ride, after Season 4 would be a good place to do it. I guess that depends on whether or not she becomes the next Jonathan Bailey -- and as much as I would love that for her as an actress, the Pen fan in me's heart would hurt]

And if you don't have these subplots in future seasons, what do we have? Neither Eloise's book or Francesca's book really have any sideplots (Francesca's especially) -- and yet you have all of these characters. I know they want to develop Gregory and Hyacinth more, but idk idk.

But I guess, back to my original point -- the further we go on, the less the anthology style works because we've started spending A LOT of time with these characters. I think the central romances will, for the most part, be fine, but the subplots and the previous couples and the long standing characters -- what does the show do?

I don't have answers, I'm mostly thinking out loud....

That all said - I really, really hope they get to Gregory and Hyacinth's books -- because I think there's potential for a lot of fun to be had in them. (I personally like them way more than Eloise and Francesca's books, so at least Netflix has one long term fan...)

[lorynna]

Seperate post because I am unable to reblog yesterday's debate about sex-selective abortions:

Down below is the link to the full blog post if anyone is interested in reading the whole thing. I am just going to reply to a few of the absolute insane and brainrot takes by @aux-squiggle :

1) "I'm sure you'd (correctly) chastize me if I went on every post with someone having bleach & dyed hair crying about how hair bleach harms the hair and saying "yes I understand it's your body and I'm not against your autonomy but hair dye is so stupid" at some point one realizes that it's just my opinion on hair dye and I should shut up unless explicitly asked for my opinion, which at no point were you asked for your opinion on what I'll do or (what you think) makes sense to do with my body."

Starting right off, it's actually the first time I ever spoke about sex-selective abortion on here, so me "going on every post" is wrong and intentional inflammatory wording. The comparison between dyed/bleached hair and abortion lacks heavily - it's also ridiculously stupid. I'm sure what you do with your hair and the policies surrounding it is an equally political and complicated topic like abortion. Even if you should go around telling people "Sure, do your thing, dye your hair but it's unnecessary in my opinion to promote the beauty industry by partaking in it, because it makes money off of women's insecurities" you have the right to speak your opinion and reblogging another person who's stating their opinion, who's stopping you? Surprise, you can speak your opinion even without being asked for it! Some people will agree, some won't, that's the way it is! I'm sure you don't ask people you have differing opinions from each time if you please may reblog their post, or do you? This is the internet babe.

2) "Next thing idk where you've gotten this "trivilization of abortion thing" or making it seem like I have said abortion is a cutesy procedure with absolutely no harm but as poodle has said it's also very safe. Idk if you think every mention of abortion has to come with a full list of disclaimers but if you read me saying "I will get an abortion if it's a male" to mean "lol guys I get abortions every weekend let's go down to the spa for a pampering plus abortion trolololol" that's your own tbh. The issue is you view being pregnant with a male fetus (as opposed to a female one) as a trivial difference, when it's not trivial to me, many other radfems and indeed for many libfem women."

Surely not every mention of abortion needs to come with a huge list of disclaimers, after all you're not their doctor but idk about you, talking about "i will get pregnant and abort as many times as I have to, until I conceive a daughter" does sound very trivializing to me. Lastly, sure the future sex of anyone's baby means something different to anyone and a certain preference or even the so called "gender disappointment" is real and valid, but is it really the solution to spin the wheel on each pregnancy again and again until you get what you want?

3) "As for the race, sex, other attributes thing, as I've already established, since fetuses are not people and are not going to suffer if their mom gets rid of them, I don't care. I couldn't give a fuck if a white woman aborts a half POC baby tbh like that's her business. No POC suffers from her actions. I also refuse to have a half white baby.

Obviously that's easily addressed by me choosing a black African sire but if I were in a consensual relationship with a white male (would never happen because I don't date males but ygtp) I would abort because I don't want to birth a half Euro baby, as statically they pair up with Eurodescendants themselves. I already know you probably also think that's stupid but I have no wish to contribute to my oppressor's group in that regard either, even by a generational separation, as I know the most likely choice Afro/Euro biracial children make as opposed to monoracial black children.

To me, mixed (b&w) people are black, but ¾ white people are white. Having a monoracial black child means my grandchildren (if any) will also be black (mixed b& something else, or monoracial) meaning the family makeup is what I'm most happy with. Idc what my great-grandchildren (if any) are, I'm probably dead anyways.

So yes I would intentionally make choices, including that of abortion, that bring me the life I'm happiest with. Other women who do that are not my business, I don't care. They could abort because they don't like the star sign their kid is expected to have. A birth that brings the mother sadness, no matter how small or how frivolous the reason for sadness is, is not good and if she aborts to avoid that, all power to her."

That's....really interesting...to know. You have established you would not blink an eye for whatever reason people abort, be it their future baby's star sign, their sex or their ethnicity & race. Your reasoning for not wanting a non 100% black baby being that according to you they statistically are more likely to pair up with eurodescendants making you worry about your family tree becoming "less black"? Then you're going on about "who is black" and "who is white" according to you.

To clarify to anyone who does not know my stance on abortion: I am pro choice, I support every woman's right that does want to get an abortion, despite her reasoning. An abortion as the process itself is not tied to a moral aspect, as the fetus in these stages of development where an abortion is possible, is a non conscious clump of cells. However I do think that the reason for why a woman decides to abort can be criticised. For example: A woman wants to get pregnant and succeeds. She finds out the baby would be born in February, making it an Aquarius, so she aborts it. My stance on sex-selective is similar to how I view cheating on a spouse. I don't think cheating is right but I wouldn't want it to be illegal.

"Regarding pro-choicers saying "no one aborts for fun and silly reasons" and prolifers potentially using this as a clapback, what do you want me to do about that? There's far superior pro-choice arguments, and further to that, these are only fun and silly reasons to you. These are monumental to other people (including me), and since it's their womb they're the only one's who's feelings matter.

Again as I've told you, I will not censor myself for the sake of prolifers not getting offended, I genuinely could not give less of a fuck what they feel. They will always find a reason to hate on the pro-choice movement and since we understand prolifism is actually about tying women down to men and control of women, everything about both my and your lifestyles upset them. There's no placating their bs. If you are upset that I won't censor myself, keep it to yourself."

Making it seem like I gave a fuck about pro lifers and said "oh look at this poor pro lifer being so upset about your words!" instead of "you are actively harming the acceptance of the pro choice movement". You don't understand that the activism you are making is nothing the world is ready for yet. In most countries, abortion is completely banned and women who go through with it nonetheless are going to prison or are even paying with their lives. I am genuinly glad, that you are living in a progressive country where you can access abortion easily and safely and where healthcare even pays for it. Most people do not have that kind of privilege and pro choice activism firstly needs to focus on gaining acceptance by introducing people step by step to the movement, coming to them with facts and good arguments. You've got to understand your far rad stance is not realistically applicable as of right now.

"If in the 0.00001% chance the genetic test is wrong (which have functionality been at 100% accuracy for years, btw I've found several Irish based tests so I don't have to use an international product) at 8 weeks (and the tests after that) then I get several scans from 14 weeks on that also confirm the sex (and would be told if there is a discrepancy). If at those tests they find it's actually a male and the Y chromosome was somehow not picked up, I go to the UK and get an abortion then. If somehow it's not found out until 24 weeks+ (I'd have an easier time winning the lottery) I go to New Zealand for a 3rd trimester abortion. There's probably something wrong if it was missed that many times, at every single scan and test.

Have you prepared for nuclear war Lorynna? Have you decided what to do if a gamma ray burst sanitizes exactly half the planet (the side you're not on), and have you got a contingency plan on what to do if suddenly 4 billion people die? What if global supply chains collapse tomorrow (an actual likely thing tbh). Nuclear war and supply chain collapse at least are far more likely than a fetus being missed as male not only on the first genetic test, AND the tests after that, AND every single ultrasound after that. Idk about gamma ray burst though, probably the same likelihood.

If by some hellish demon reality I get stuck with a son then obviously I raise my son, as I've discussed previously in the linked essay."

Insanity. Proceeding to ask me about every possible catastrophic event that potentially happen and asking me if i prepared for it because yes, sure - it is exactly as unlikely as your baby to turn out being a boy despite all of your fancy tests. But glad to know that should the tests fail, you'll raise your son?

"" There's no reason to fight" "but I do have an opinion." As established, your opinion was unnecessary and uninvited, so it's very likely people will get mad at you if you call major life choices "stupid" without providing any reasoning beyond your feelings. Like I said, telling me what I should be ok with residing in my womb is nothing short of foul, and frankly unasked for."

Oh no! How evil of me, I dare to have an opinion and according to you it was unnecessary and uninvited! Oh man, so many people are going to get mad at me for calling major life choices stupid without providing any reason at all! At this point I'm almost 100% sure you're illiterate and typed your responses while blindfolded and with your left pinky toe. Claiming my arguments are feeling-based rather than objective criticism. And sure, because I said that if you were mature, you'd approach an intended pregnancy, accepting that both sexes can be the outcome of that and that a person who wants to get pregnant in my opinion should be okay with either, I am the worst!

[masterchef901]

Some rampant Freckle theorizing (Idk how confirmed this is but we roll it (lackadaisy spoilers))

I was thinking about Freckle and the theory/general idea that he killed or hurt his dad and Rocky took the blame for it, and the more I think about it the more it explains a ton of Freckle's character.

Like, we'd have the obvious and immediate: he follows Rocky and does whatever he asks without question, because Freckle feels like he owes him a debt, one worth killing for. Not to mention, we have some more rationale behind Freckle's habit of trying to fix things when stressed, and his original intentions of becoming a cop, both of which may represent a sort of penance in his mind. Try to make things better to make up for how he made them worse. Get dangerous criminals off the street, to make up for the fact that he feels he is one.

But then we get a bit more in the details of things:

"Remember to always lie" lands a lot heavier in this paradigm, doesn't it?

But the way the other letters are framed right there with him make me think they're a part of the trauma too. That make me think that every single one of these weighs on him, makes him think: "Rocky's struggling out there because of me"

"He's suffering because I lied"

"I'm doing this to him"

"I ruined his life too"

and yet, at the same time,

"If I tell anyone then Rocky suffered for nothing"

And that would absolutely eat at someone. Eat at them enough that a particularly inflammatory letter would leave them curled up and broken in their room marinating amongst years of other accumulated pain.

And bearing this view of his past in mind, I speculate a bit on his defining trait in the present:

The oft-accepted explanation is that he's just a "natural killer", or that these acts of violence are in some way a release of other, possibly unrelated pent-up stress and anxiety. But bear with me a moment, and consider another angle:

You're a murderer. You've spent years lying about it. You threw your cousin under the bus. You lied to your mother. You're a murderer and you can never forget it. You always lie. You have to remember to always lie about being a murderer.

And then you kill someone again.

And this time it's in front of plenty of witnesses, it's to protect someone and most importantly: it isn't a secret to these people.

I posit that in this moment, Calvin "Freckle" McMurray is feeling honest with himself for the first time in years. He has internalized the feeling that he's a murderer, and now he gets to wear that, and be "himself", for what he feels that is, and he doesn't have to hide. He doesn't have to hide that he's a murderer anymore. In the most fucked-up possible way, Freckle is owning who he is. Maybe it's a stretch, but I think what we're seeing is the euphoria of relief, from a particularly twisted confession.

The next time we see him actually shooting again...

There's still some of that derangement, but it also seems to me that Rocky's doing most of the laughing. And maybe it's the involuntary mud-bath he takes after this panel, but...

That mania sure faded quick this time. Even though he's digging for it, trying to find it, the euphoria just isn't coming the way it did just a couple canonical days ago, and I think it's because there's nothing more to get from it.

The killing confession's been given, and there's no more relief to be found in trying to let himself be a killer. Now it's just... more bloodshed.

At this point, we've caught up pretty much completely to our protagonists in the story. From here, we move from the 'bear with me but' kind of speculation to just totally rampant guesswork. But what could this mean for our adorable gunman's future?

Well for starters, I think we'll see his work quality start to take a dip once he realizes he doesn't actually love it.

And for seconds, it means that he's probably not done riding the guilt train either. If anything, he might start working out his confusion, realizing just how fucked everything in his life is. Might even begin to resent Rocky for it.

And perhaps most interestingly in my mind is how this poor kid's emotional state is going to interact with his relationship with Ivy. After all, I feel like the very nature of the relationship is still settling, and we don't really have a clear view of how invested its members are in it. Maybe Ivy's just in it for some fun and Freckle's along for the ride and eventually the ride'll end and that'll be that. But, uh, something about the laws that govern narrative existence makes me think that this will perhaps not be the case.

Because suppose that Freckle starts feeling it more deeply. He might easily see his first true confidant in Ivy - someone who he owes no debt, who he's under no obligation to lie to, and who seems both aware of and okay with his homicidal tendencies. He could really come to lean on her a lot as he develops and navigates his trauma. And this leads to some outcomes:

If Ivy's willing to reciprocate that trust and vulnerability, we get treated to some absolutely delectable hurt-comfort.

If she isn't, she might back off, even sever things entirely as she's not used to dealing with this kind of baggage in a partner. Depending on how in-love Freckle's feeling at this point in this timeline, the sudden pain and isolation on top of his freshly re-opened trauma might be enough to send him into a complete mental break in the worst case.

And either way, and no matter which way anything goes, we get some absolutely killer drama.

[max1461]

[Rant-post, almost certainly presented in an overly, uh... absolutist way? An overly harsh or inflammatory way? Idk. At the very least there are parts of this I would probably add significant nuance to]

I've never shoplifted, but it's also in a large class of "bad" behaviors that I don't really give a shit one way or the other if people do. Another one of these would be like, cheating in school. And that latter example is one that nominally should come back to bite me, because my current career ambition is, you know, to go into academia (the legitimate way). But I still don't care when other people cheat.

Of course I'm talking about average cases here; obviously you could generate some sort of exception with an evil scientist and a sensor that blows up the earth if anyone shoplifts, or whatever.

But anyway, I want to go farther than this: it is not merely that I am indifferent to these behaviors, but rather that I think being indifferent these behaviors is a strong sign that your ethical intuitions comport with mine, and indicates that we may get along interpersonally, whereas that being strongly against these behaviors is a good sign that our worldviews are not so compatible (although hopefully we can still get along, of course).

I think that, when it comes to behavior towards others, I value above all else a tendency to non-interference. I have a strong feeling that I do not want to be involved in other people's business unless they give me a good reason to be, and I do not want them to get involved in mine. This supersedes any feeling of any social responsibility to police the behavior of the group for the better, or so on. I like to stay out of other people's business and I like people who stay out of other people's business. If someone in my community, like, commits a murder, the harm is grievous enough that I am sort of impelled to at the very least produce a judgment on the situation, and I will probably be drawn in in some capacity. But if some people in my community, idk, yell at each other or get into a fist fight or whatever, I would like strongly to remain a neutral party. And I do. It is even easier and more desirable to remain neutral when the "harm" of an action is significantly diffuse, as in shoplifting or cheating.

I associate excessive concern with diffuse harms like shoplifting or cheating with a micromanaging tendency, a desire to police the behavior of the group so that it may be engineered towards some positive outcome. I do not like this. It's why I'm a pretty strong of free speech absolutist. Worrying a lot about shoplifting is like worrying a lot about who is allowed to say "queer". You might contend "but shoplifting is actually harmfully, whereas people calling themselves queer or whatever does no harm!" I contend "by even going through the ethical calculation, you're walking a road I won't follow". I don't care if the world is a little worse when the wrong people say "queer". Even if the exclusionists or whatever were right on a factual level I would not care. The would can be a little worse, if that's the price of you not fucking with me and me not having to fuck with you.

I'm a socialist for a lot of reasons. One of them is that I think poverty often rises to the level of "grievous harm", like murder, that we are compelled to get involved in. Another is that I think property rights are often closer to "annoying interference with other's behavior" than they are to "bulwark against annoying interference". This is where I diverge from right-libertarians. You all know this, this is the deadest-beaten-horse on this fucking blog.

At a basic level I don't care what other people do, I truly deeply don't care what other people do, and I truly do not want to care. Leaving people alone is a very high virtue, and I practice it, and I like when people practice it with me.

This is I think the heart of what looks paradoxical to a lot of people in my ethics. Cheat on your test, shoplift, run your shower too long and waste water, yell offensive shit on the street, I won't stop you or try stop you. But I refuse to ever kill a single insect, and I'm dubious about the ethics of training dogs or keeping indoor cats, and I'm kinda on board with the cultures that think its rude to talk to strangers in public. I don't know.

[skitskatdacat63]

Probably controversial but. Maybe I'm callous, and maybe it's because it's never happened to a driver I particularly love but. The way people are like it's NOT okay and it's FUCKED UP to do mid-season swaps, I'm kinda ??? To me I guess, it's just the occasional natural course of things. I think obviously that dropped drivers do deserve a respectful end but. I don't think mid-season swaps or drops are inherently evil. Idk I remember looking at older seasons driver charts and it felt so much worse 😭 stuff that would absolutely not happen today. Like promising the same seat to two drivers in one season and supposedly having them swap every other race, but the one person disappears like 5 races in. Etc. Having "witnessed" that, I guess I feel like it could be so much worse, and even if it was, I'd probably accept it as the nature of the sport. Eat or get eaten.

Lol trying to write this without saying smth too rude or inflammatory 😭 people have a right to be upset of course, but to me, I feel pretty neutrally about it

[gamora-borealis]

incoming rant about discussions about diet culture & body positivity i've seen online (for context, I am a fat person):

I really do appreciate people who spread body positivity and dispell myths about bmi and diet culture, but seeing people be like "well if you are craving a food that probably means your body need it!" has me a bit... concerned? like I respect the sentiment. I really do. we don't need to feel shame about what we eat. however, some of us have adhd, messed up gut microbiomes, binge eating disorder, and/or metabolic issues. like sometimes I need to tough it out and not give in to my cravings because if not I might throw up, pass out, or feel physically sick.

like, another example, I have PCOS and a lot of chronic pain. diet culture in terms of like, obsessing over calories or thinking you can't have any of a certain food is not good. however, my doctor gave me an anti-inflammatory diet plan, which is basically a packet that says "these are kinds of foods/ingredients that tend to increase inflammation in people who have PCOS or other inflammatory issues, so try to avoid these if possible" and when I do follow it I absolutely feel better than when I'm constantly eating the food that is feeding my adhd dopamine cravings. adderall sometimes helps with my ADHD binge eating, but when I ran out of it for a month because of shortages, my eating got out of control and now my gut and brain are having a really hard time adjusting back to where I was (not to mention my ADHD causes me to forget to take my Adderall a lot too 🤦‍♀️).

like, there are lots of foods being marketed to us constantly that really aren't that great for us. not that they are necessarily dangerous, but they are being made to taste as good as possible so you'll keep buying them, by corporations that do not have your health in mind. and like. if you eat "unhealthy" all the time and give into your cravings, that's okay! it's completely understandable. food is good and fun and sometimes your body does need certain things! plus sometimes the "healthier" food is wayyy more expensive or hard to make. but I just think we need to be careful making blanket statements about food when certain foods are more harmful to some of us.

like, again, we shouldn't feel shame about food or being "fat." there are fat people out there who are very healthy! however, some of us who are fat have chronic illnesses or disorders that are tied to weight gain. now, tbh our goal shouldn't be to manage our chronic illnesses or disorders so that we'll be "skinnier," the goal should be to try and manage our illnesses (as much as one is able) for the sake of our health/wellbeing. unfortunately, a lot of doctors tie weight to health, and say "oh you're losing weight the treatment plan is working!" when that really shouldn't be the indicator, or at least the sole indicator, that a treatment for a chronic illness or disorder is working. we should change that mindset. (there's so much more one could say about fatphobia in the medical field tbh).

Idk, I'm just very literal and don't like blanket statements made online without a lot of nuance or backing. I feel like there's a middle ground between obsessing over weight and dieting and encouraging people to eat whatever they want without taking other health factors into consideration.

like, even though I'm prediabetic and struggle with inflammation, I still eat sugar and carbs. but I try not to over-do it if I can (some days I just don't have the impulse control and that's alright). for example, I buy dairy-free ice cream sandwiches that have 9 grams of sugar (very low compared to most ice creams treats) and real fruit frozen pops (that have natural sugars) because my brain is always craving sugar. but they aren't as sugary as some of the other stuff out there and don't have the dairy or dyes that trigger my inflammation. I also love bagels so I eat these really yummy protein bagels. they probably have more carbs than I really need, but if I'm gonna eat a bagel for that sweet sweet dopamine hit, at least they are organic whole wheat (which is better) and the protein helps keep me full for longer. it takes research sometimes, but it can be helpful to find a middle ground between your cravings and "healthy eating" especially when you have a chronic illness or disorder you are trying to manage. but if you are struggling to find that middle ground and are just eating "unhealthy" a lot, you aren't any lesser for it. Or even if you just, never chose to try and eat "healthier," you aren't lesser for that either. you still deserve respect. we shouldn't change our diets because of judgement from others. I feel like that should be the ultimate goal of body positivity/anti-diet culture discussions.

[msviolacea]

Thinking about this today, after reading a couple of things across ye olde internets.

There are two specific incidents I often thing of when I come across political and social discourse, both occurred at least a decade ago, but remain eternally relevant. The first was possibly long enough ago that it occurred on MySpace - either that, or the VERY early days of Facebook. An acquaintance of mine - someone very intelligent, very empathetic, very left-leaning - reposted one of those rumors that so many people tend to believe because they sound true, something in the "watch for fentanyl in your kids' candy" kind of vein. When a few people pointed out that it was proven false, she posted something that sounded miffed, to the effect of "what, am I supposed to fact check every post that comes across my feed??"

I didn't have the energy to say that - yes, you do. If you're going to spread something that could be inflammatory, then you do have an obligation to make sure it's true to the best of your ability.

The other thing, I heard from my dad multiple times over the years. If you've been here for any amount of time, you already know that my dad unfortunately drank the right wing koolaid. The statement that always reminded me of a) who he was and b) the fact that I'd probably never actually get through to him was his frequent, angry assertion that he "just want(ed) the TRUTH - there's always truth somewhere, in every situation, you just have to find it."

And, the thing is ... no, there's not. Not in the situations that matter. 2+2=4, yes, that's a truth ... if you don't dive deep into the philosophy and mechanics of mathematics, how we ended up with the numerical system we did, et cetera. And politics, history, and social issues are so much more squirrelly than math. There is very little absolute truth, only points of view that resonate with you. And the more you insist that there HAS to be a single undisputed truth to a situation, the more you're likely to fall for bullshit somewhere along the line.

IDK, today I'm just reminding myself that truth is a subjective monster, and each one of us has an obligation to be careful about what we're amplifying in this cacophonous internet of ours. Beware of things that give you immediate outrage energy. Sometimes they'll turn out to be worth that energy, but all of us only have so much energy to go around. Make sure what you're spending yours on is worth it. And know that whatever you're outraged about, there's probably more nuances to it than whatever clickbait you're angry over.