#probably going to regret it later
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Okay I’m going to precede this by saying that I’m half joking and ik this wouldn’t be true to the source material and ik we haven’t really met Otta Avia yet and ik she’s a bad person or whatever but like so is literally everyone else but anyway I think Calla should dump Anton and be with her and get a second enemies to lovers arc with Otta in which they both realize that Anton is kind of a loser and they’re both too hot and evil for him thank you and good night
#honestly who even gave me internet access who thought that was a good idea#flesh and false gods#chloe gong#fafg#immortal longings#il#flesh and false gods 2#fafg2#immortal longings 2#il2#calla tuoleimi#otta avia#calla x otta#yeah i’m gonna make that a tag#probably going to regret it later#idc#I am fully aware that otta is horrible but as of right now I don’t care#sue me#we’ve only really had Anton’s pov on her#and while I do appreciate that Anton has critical thinking skills#it is fun and strangely cathartic to watch people beat the shit out of him#again. sue me. idgaf.
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Zenos viator Galvus and him trying to deal with actually feeling things for once (Even if he doesn't really understand how to handle the comfort he receives from others for it)
I am also giving this man a dad that actually cares, because this brainworm have gotten me and there is no saving me from them.
#ffxiv#sketch#zenos yae galvus#adventurer zenos#durante#zero#local man learns how to feel again... and is regretting it immensely-#as his old habits of “ignore” or “shut down” dont work that well anymore#because#at least from what I've personally looked into#unironically zenos' method of reaper contract was the smartest way to go about- he wouldnt have had the context that they used to be people#but I also write Zenos with the thought that he would abhor becoming anything like Varis-#and I dont think he'd like being directly responsible for turning another person into a weapon or a tool like how he was- intentional or no#and I think its just a neat point of tension between adventurer zenos and zero#and it just ends feeding into what I write one of his main hurdles being#his resignation that he may never change- or that he isnt worth compassion because of the circumstances he grew up in#and him being so ready to take blame and resign the possibility of apologizing because (given context) i dont doubt#that Varis had constantly blamed him for Carosa's death#and it also just gives me a bit of reasoning why him being called a monster (specifically thinking of the scene with Krile) sets him off#I also just like the idea of Durante taking him in as a hesitant mentor and accidently bonding with him- even beyond the theories I have#(and this is totally me being biased because I ADORE durante as a character)#but I think helping Zenos and the way Zenos and Wol would later interact with each other would give him a measure of peace#of being able to guide someone and be there for someone like it seemed golbez was for him#I also think zenos deserves at least one warm fatherly hug#and who better than the strange old ass voidsent who could honestly probably rotate him any moment his guard is down
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We all know Timmy is Wanda’s mama’s boy but we need to keep in mind he’s still Cosmo’s kid too and that Cosmo would love him just as vehemently as Wanda
#fairly oddparents#not that anyone has portrayed him different#certainly not distance he loves Timmy he probably says it the most in the show and in fanon#but still- watching New Wish there felt like there was a disconnect with Cosmos character-like he wasn’t as well defined as he was in OG#that’s in part due to them toning him down from being an idiot plain and simple but I feel like it wasn’t fitted with something else it was#simply taken away#just to say he didn’t have as much of a presence to me in New Wish as Wanda did and I crave spinning Cosmo around in my brain#I want to see Poof being his Dad’s Boy yknow and I want to see cosmo doting and I want to see when he gets like. parental rage for the sake#of his kids#yknow? Yknow? part of him feeling detached in a new wish has translated into him not wanting to get as close to Hazel as he did Timmy-#to try and play it more like godparents are supposed to- just a presence for a couple months#but also because like. he got SO attached to Timmy and he’ll never regret it and he’d never do anything different#but idk. if it were me I wouldn’t have the capacity to go through losing my godkid again after becoming that attached#that’s not even mentioning that they don’t HAVE to be in hazel’s life the same way they were in Timmy’s because Timmy was going through#neglect and Hazel has loving family and friends all around her at all times- her blocks are mental#in that way cosmo and Wanda just have to do the Typical Godparent Job of aiding her- not becoming people she desperately needs in life#which also bleeds into why I think Peri was having such a. difficult time#godparents aren’t supposed to be attached the way his family was to Timmy and that how he learned it#but his first godkid is Not Easy and lends immediately to the issues Timmy was having where he HAS parents he HAS things (though . Timmy#was not rich and would sometimes not be fed… dev’s dad also forgets to feed him but dev is still able to eat you know)#and how he grew up with his parents as godparents and how he’s been taught are conflicting and it’s nature vs doing a good job quoteunquote#I didn’t mean to ramble so damn much in the tags I’m really sorry#told myself if I had more to say I’d write it down and post it later but I must be heard.
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By making this post have seventeen syllables, I will trick Haiku Bot into showing everyone this post. Observe:
Look what I can do I'm circumventing systems and you can't stop me
#haiku bot#for the record i don't actually expect this to work#actually im probably going to regret this later#oh well#for science
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no one told me how isolating unmasking would be
#and its certainly...something#like i dont regret it#i dont wanna masking to be my default and i dont wanna be in pain or uncomfortable anymore#but realizing that the ppl in my life have never been exposed to the real unmasked version of me#and finding that most of them dont like that version#well its kinda heartbreaking#and dont get me wrong i do love my alone time#but im also so terribly lonely at the same time#and dont know hoe to fix it bc for most ppl relationships depending on the going out aspect#and lots of that stuff is painful for me and im trying to not force myself to do#so im just left on my own#just wasnt ready for how terrible this would be even tho its also great#autism#ry rambles#probably will delete later
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my favourite passtime is making up incredibly unaccurate armour designs. That's a lie my passtime is researching but this comes at a close second
#[.art]#is it even armour at this point? it's a chestplate with a mantella over it. It's armour to me. In spirit.#oh I dread to maintag this but my blog has to be organised or I get hives so I am in fact putting this in at least his tag#This was mostly an excuse for me to shade metal and draw armour but he's there as a character base because I wanted to put constellations i#Javert#les miserables#les mis#<- the- what was it. The mortifying ordeal of being known? me when I post art I did for fun in my free time#also this file is called knightvert. You should know this#also I got an answer about the constitution in place in 1820 and I regret to inform you that mister Valjean was probably elected lawfully#mostly because he'd been there for the minimum required year in order to be a citisen and be appointed by the prefect as mayor#or by the double decimal process if we go by 1799 law and not the 1814 charter.#not counting the fake identity but alas I do not believe proof of identity was required by law for that so. Dreadfully not added to the lis#which doesn't exclude entirely document forgery because I believe property law comes into the needing proof of identity?#But I've been looking at french law for three days and I need to not read for a week now So I'll check that later
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Was working on something before I forgot that I can't fucking draw.
Yeah this is what a grown-ass adult's art should look like, this is the quality expected of someone whose been drawing since they could grasp a pencil. This measly scribble is worth 2 days of effort using all my free time.
#I hate myself#not to blog post or anything but my life is so stressful and I think that if I was good at drawing and churning out drawings quickly and#beautifully on the daily/weekly..#If I was like the thousands of foreign 12 year old prodigies on instagram with perfect anatomy on a mere sketch#or the soul-sellers on pixiv uploading 200 fully colored drawings at once#all my problems would be solved.#Im so hateful and it's all towards myself. I'm so painfully envious of things I'll never have...#...like a cock or artistic skill. If I wasn't so scared of not existing (to the point where thinking about it makes me physically ill)#l would have ended my shit already. But here I am.#So take this stupid ugly fucking Shane I tried to draw at midnight after a 10 hour shift. You're here to see bellies-#-not me bitching and moaning. Matter of fact I'll probably delete this part later. Whatever.#What is my fucking problem??#Enjoy what little I'm able to give. All I want is to share my thoughts and ideas and concepts and I can barely even do that.#I think I am going to pass out typing this so uh#see you later when I regret this post and delete this part haha#If I even remember#self post#Drawing#tummy kink#stomach ache#bloated belly
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making something (maybe)
#(hopefully)#hi. i accidentally disappeared for a bit.#the burnout got to me ngl#haven't done a single creative thing all week#i did make it to the library though#my book for feb was i'm glad my mom died#i don't usually read nonfic but. i enjoyed it. i mean#as much as you can enjoy a book with that kind of subject matter#i read it in about a day. mostly in one sitting#i've gotten a head start on my march book & i'm genuinely almost regretting my pick#like. it's a compelling read & it's written in such a way that i want to know what happens but#it's fucking horrific. rarely do i need to put a book down & have a break but. i have done so several times w this book#i'm determined to finish it though. i need to know if there's like. a point to the horrors i'm experiencing or not#uhh i did also go dvd hunting#i found season 1 & season 2 of ATLA which were cool finds#i did find them at two different thrift stores which i thought was kinda funny#i'm probably gonna watch the new live action later but idk#n e way#rainyrambles
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hiii I was wondering, is it just me or does it feel like Yesod would spontaneously combust the nanosecond his little walnut brain realizes "hey they might not be visiting me just to bother me about paper" ? in reference to your funny Blue Cheese/Netzach/Yesod post
also how often do you think Chesed is haunted by Chuck-E-Cheese ?
genuinely cant think of anything funny to say in reaponse all outa ideas it got drained out of me into the lobcorp machine to get on the stupidest of grinds for this . feels like it would go all quiet up in there before going back into existence to fully process the fact . exaggerated for a sad attempt at humor
on regards to chuck e cheese not quite exactly the idea presented but i havent slept in awhile so i hope this slight tangent regarding the idea will suffice. i think it haunts him like an ever present oil stain thats just faded but when youre having a nice day pops up to remind you of its existence. not quite sure how it haunts as its not necessary good nor bad but it sure does never leave. if we are talking literal apparition haunting deal. maybe like on weekends
does the city have a chuck e cheese. did chesed ever experince the very grungy experience of a chuck-e-cheese. is there some sort of abnormality that took on its form akin to how fragment of the universe tried to change its appearance in order to communicate its intent though crayon scribbles and hearts but for the mascot of chunky cheese to communicate the . pain of entertainment joints or smthn. ill never know . hopefully ill stay ignorant to such matters
#lobotomy corporation#lobcorp#this is so stupid im so sorry. even by my standards i regret having caffeine at 9 why did i think it would be funny#there is no activity inside my brain. absolutely nothing. its almost liberating if not a little weird.#will i see this after taking a nap and go 'yeah i totally posted that at 3am that sure is a 3am post'#probably. will i do anything abt it? yeah go back to sleep maybe until i need to rush out the front door#.... .. . do i even want to tag acrually. yeah sure#yesod lobcorp#chesed lobcorp#netzach lobcorp#i GUESS. im ntot going to get into an argument w myself ill decide later if it counts or not#i keep am worried abt ooc but then i realized its. afuckin g thing about paper and chuckecheese. i dont care anymore#and then o felt the warm embrace of liberty. maybe im losing it a bit i should just post this and get over the ever present shame
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Ajin Week 2023 Day 1: Black Matter
Almost a whole month late to Ajin week but...hahaha heyyy...
#ajin#ajinweek23#izumi shimomura#my art#wibbleart#rambles in the tags#I WILL TRY TO CATCH UP#had finals and then my hand decided to protest against all that typing and got sore.....#i have art planned out but i might just save the idea and do them later#will be posting the days out of order tho#so many amazing pieces its so wonderful to see the characters so loved#have lots q'ed#drip feeding to not spam looool#i keeping doing this thing when i do trad art where i see smth wrong before inking and just go AWWW NOT A BIG DEAL AND INK ANYWAY#AND THEN REGRET NOT FIXING IT#IT ALWAYS HAPPENS BRO JUST FIX IT#'i'll probably regret this' *regrets it*#silly goose#anyway her face is kind slanted sdkfndsjkf#im sorry queen
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I didn’t want to comment about this because I try to avoid getting myself into conflicts but there’s something I wanted to say about the “being over 30 but looking like 19” discourse.
As a 36 years old woman who looks 20, let me tell you that there’s nothing fun or sexy about it. Yes, when you’re 40 and people assumed you’re 30 it’s flattering. When you’re over 30 and people think you’re barely 20, it’s annoying and sometimes hurtful.
I’ve always been attracted to men a little bit older than me but the men I was interested in weren’t interested in me because they assumed I was way too young for them. I don’t attract men my own age or older because I have “childlike features”. And I’m not dealing well with this because I always fear that the reason why a man older than me is interested in me is because I look much younger than i actually am.
I don’t even know why I’m sharing this here as I rarely talk about it but after seeing a few posts on my dash I guess I just wanted to say what it really feels like to be “over 30 but looking 19” and maybe, maybe find someone who could relate to how I feel.
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is this salt at my own expense
maybe
why is it that my least canon-compliant shitpost memes, aka the ones i literally just made for shits and giggles, are the ones that do the most numbers on this site. why is this happening to me. is this punishment for my hubris, for assuming that people would reblog the obviously fanon (TO ME) stuff in the spirit in which they were originally created: to just mash up jpegs and textpost screenshots like fun barbies in Situations, heedless of their basis in canon?
what have i done 😔
#salty peak sect 🧂#i could probably solve this problem for myself by going back into my shitpost archive and finding every post currently grinding my gears#and just delete them#but what if i regret it later 🥺#yes i realize this is a petty thing to grouse about#i'm gonna grouse about it anyway#grouse grouse grouse#ok it's out of my system i am better now
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I'm probably going to regret posting this and might delete it at some point, who knows, but I want to get this off my chest. I'll probably regret doing this on a public post on Tumblr later.
Is it weird to miss someone who you've only talked to briefly on here who deactivated their account for a reason or another, and since you don't know if there's any other social media out there they have along with the fact that you still didn't talk to them much, you'll probably never encounter them again?
Because that happened to me. I found an account by chance while perusing Tumblr, and I was interested in what posts were on there despite them being 18+ and NSFW. I honestly liked the content when looking through it and I even sent a message through the ask function admitting as such despite being unusually shy for some reason, maybe because at the time I didn't post anything (until my rant about my girl Alyssa Targaryen not too long ago) and I usually prefer to keep to myself.
I admittedly wasn't sure what the response would be and suddenly I felt like the biggest shrinking violet on the planet at the time. It was probably because it was the first time I had ever sent an ask on anyone's account, not to mention this was probably the first guy I reached out to on my own initiative outside of those I was already comfortable around on Discord. I was so nervous and to a certain extent, scared, because even though I was 22 at the time I never knew I could be so shy. I must have been pretty red in the face from my shyness too.
But he reached out to me about my ask through Tumblr's messages function, and he was honestly really kind. In the first message he sent to me, he thanked me for the kindness in my ask, and I was so surprised that he directly reached out to me that not only did my shyness kick in full force, I admittedly didn't respond to it for a month. When I finally responded, he understood I was shy for reasons I couldn't explain at the time, and surprisingly, despite my shyness still lingering, I felt comfortable around him. He assured me that he didn't feel uncomfortable about the fact that I liked a lot of his posts, which I was feeling really conscious about and had admitted to him. I felt like I could come out of my shell at least a bit, open up a little, at least to the point where I was willing to keep talking to him if we could. There were times where there were bumps in the road, where I wasn't sure if we had gotten off on the wrong foot or something or I was wondering if I was annoying or a load because of a tendency to just run my mouth at times, but overall I honestly enjoyed talking to him and his company even if it was solely through Tumblr's messages function.
However, it wasn't for long. We only talked for a few months, and even then, it was really brief and spread out partially due to different time zones. He was dealing with a lot of hate from anons who knew they could get away with it because they could hide behind screens. It was one of the key reasons if not the key reason why he eventually deactivated his blog, last year actually, and probably hasn't returned. Our final exchange, in October last year, was me wishing him luck since he was deleting his blog and possibly not returning, and he thanked me and wished me the best as well. And we both moved on with our lives.
But here's why I think I'm weird when concerning this topic and for even writing all this. It's because somehow, I miss him and feel a wish to reconnect with him and talk with him again. Aside from us talking very sparsely, I'm not sure if we even really knew each other after our message exchanging. As a result of all that, I feel like I shouldn't miss him. Yet I do, and I feel a strange desire to reconnect with him and talk with him again. I try to quash those feelings because not only will it probably never happen, to an extent I feel like it doesn't feel right to miss him and want to reconnect with him after only exchanging messages with him briefly and it being almost a year since he left.
Oh boy, this was practically an essay. While I do feel a bit better about getting this off my chest, I'm probably going to be cringing at myself for this and considering when to delete it as well. It scares me a bit, the fact that even though I didn't mention the person's name at all, someone might still figure out who I'm talking about and somehow get it to him. Well, it's still up in the air as to whether this is going to be deleted or not, but it all depends on how much I regret posting this and how mortified and conscious I feel at least a bit later over even writing this to begin with.
#personal#thought vomit#if the person I talked about finds this I'll probably be so mortified I'm going to wish the ground opened up beneath me#I never thought I would post again but then again this could be deleted if I feel too conscious about what I wrote#does this count as baring a part of your soul#I don't know if the person I talked about still lurks under a different account but if he finds this I will feel incredibly mortified#I never thought I would talk about this person but I guess I may regret doing so later because this post will probably be everywhere#if this is deleted later it's because I feel extremely mortified over this post and am probably weird for even writing it to begin with#I kind of hope the person I talked about somehow doesn't find this post because he'll probably figure out I was talking about him here#he might though and it scares me#I didn't mention his name but someone's going to figure it out eventually and that also scares me#might be deleted later#if anyone somehow figures out who I was talking about in this post please don't mention his name#personal thoughts#emotions#thoughts#feelings
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do u have any idea how agonizing it is being an autistic person w broadway special interest but u live in fawking canada.
#i went to ny for the first time for my bday in may but probably will not go again for several years bc#omg that shit was expensive#but it was literally the best week of my life but#like i want to live there 😭 why did my fawking autism brain have to fixate on broadway and not like. something important and/or close to me#WHY ALL THE WAY OVER THEREEEE#also adding that when i went i saw great gatsby instead of the outsiders bc my last one was between those 2#but the outsiders album wasn’t out & i wasn’t sure if my family would like it#so i chose great gatsby. do u know how bad i regret that.#bc then i just HAAAD to get the biggest hyperfixation ever on this fawking musical i COUKSVE seen and didn’t. omg#like less than a month later too. the cast album literally came out on my bday and i missed my chance so bad.#anyway that’s my rant thank you tumblr
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i honestly have no idea what Kaeya was thinking when he told Diluc that he was a spy. dude your dad just died. idk. maybe console your brother or something. crazy idea right? and i get that the guilt of his secret was weighing on him so harshly that he couldn't keep it anymore but like.... making your brother's worst birthday ever WORSE?? maybe he did deserve to get beat up idk
#i mean i know he was probably regretting not telling Crepus and just felt like he couldn't keep it in any longer#and now that i'm thinking about- it if he did tell Diluc later then Diluc would probably just feel more betrayed#going deep into the grieving process and then being told his brother only grew up with him on bad intentions#but this still irks me and i think about it every day lol#also: what was Kaeya's bio dad thinking lmfao? sending your young child to 'spy' but just dumping him into a loving family#what was he even supposed to do#anyway these two drive me crazy#ragbros#rant#genshin impact
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OH MY GOD A YEAR AGO TODAY .
#thats literally insane what do you mean that crazy day was last year. oh boy ok hastily thought up recap thought time#what that day included:#stupidly going out into july in los angeles heat that morning in jeans and a long sleeve black shirt#in that state of extreme sweatiness: meeting john l of tmbg fame. who id be seeing in concert that exact night#an insane story i have told before but nonetheless incredibly bonkers#later that day when i went out again i (also stupidly) wore sandals that cut up the back of my heels#i toughed it out later and put socks on and the russell brand of cdg high tops on and danced at the concert anyway#wore a full gold glitter suit. was still worried about being unnoticeable#i was too scareddddddd to talk to christi who i saw hanging around before the show which i regret#the best part of the concert and that trip to california was seeing it with my best friend who i finally met in person for that trip#he was dressed as ron and i of course was russ in the glitter suit. my hair did not turn out as magically russ as desired#what else. i was too ough before the concert to eat my combination lunch dinner of panda express something#but i did get overpriced fancy crackers and rosé at the hbowl which was my sparks dinner#ok now let me get to the show itself. i did a review the night of but lets see if there are any details i forgot that i can remember now#like right at the beginning of so may we start there was the audible sound of a glass breaking so awesome. someone was ready to get down#russell getting choked up talking abt their mom taking them to the hollywood bowl as kids i haven't stopped crying#oh yeah all the stupid people in the pool circle (front seats) who didn't care about seeing sparks. youre all going to hell#especially the people that left before the show ended#russell achieved some maximum awooga levels but i may have been picking up on those especially because of the rosé#russell saying to the audience in between singing all that how beautiful it looked with everyone turning the light on their phones#another thing i havent stopped crying over#also got a fun bootleg shirt specific to that show when walking back to the hotel. thank you slightly sketchy guy#that whole night and everything was bonkers insane and wonderful can i Please relive it now. please#like literally this time last year adjusting for time zone i was uhhhhh. probably injuring myself in those stupid sandals#and id do it again! well maybe not but id relive that day again#ok anyway. one year huh
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