#thought vomit

[pininghost]

I am on my knees BEGGING for a fourth irish folklore movie from cartoon saloon because have you heard butchered tongue and de selby part 1 that needs to be in a movie with their stunning visuals pls pls pls I am fucked in the head rn

[luvly-writer]

So i’m a theater nerd (i’m a dancer and did theater for a few years) and idk why ALL OF THE SUDDEN i found Christian Borle and fell head over heals for him (blame legally blonde the musical) and because of that I started watching Something Rotten. As a Shakespeare nerd as well, I FKN LOVED IT!!! But i was one controversial take that might be because im in love with Christian Borles…

When Nick Bottom asks to see the future and see Shakespeare’s next play..he was stealing it FIRST, so when Shakespeare goes to “steal” it, TECHNICALLY he is just taking what it his BACK. Cause it’s been fucking my mind (i’ve seen the musical and heard the sound track more that 17 times last week), when people say “no he stole the play” but wasn’t it gonna be his in the first place? Had Nick not intervened, Shakespeare would have probably written it. Or am i wrong? So TECHNICALLY, even if part of it was Nigel’s work, IT WAS STILL GOING TO BE SHAKESPEARE’S. Think about it, the soothsayer told Nick the play (well half of it because he had a few things wrong) and Nigel wrote of that, so in turn, thanks to Nick, they kinda cheated off Shakespeare. Will is still an asshole, but rightfully so he is still a TALENTED one. He wrote Romeo and Juliet, so the talent was there, he was just getting lazy and going through a rough writer’s block. Nick in a sense just made HIS ideas get to him easier due to the fact that he stole them from the future. Shakespeare didn’t have to start from cero bc Nick unintentionally brought his idea to him so that he could break through writer’s block.

Anyways, maybe i’m reading too much into a silly musical, but i am LOVING “Something Rotten” and Christian Borle and this got me thinking.

[twilight-princess240]

I'm probably going to regret posting this and might delete it at some point, who knows, but I want to get this off my chest. I'll probably regret doing this on a public post on Tumblr later.

Is it weird to miss someone who you've only talked to briefly on here who deactivated their account for a reason or another, and since you don't know if there's any other social media out there they have along with the fact that you still didn't talk to them much, you'll probably never encounter them again?

Because that happened to me. I found an account by chance while perusing Tumblr, and I was interested in what posts were on there despite them being 18+ and NSFW. I honestly liked the content when looking through it and I even sent a message through the ask function admitting as such despite being unusually shy for some reason, maybe because at the time I didn't post anything (until my rant about my girl Alyssa Targaryen not too long ago) and I usually prefer to keep to myself.

I admittedly wasn't sure what the response would be and suddenly I felt like the biggest shrinking violet on the planet at the time. It was probably because it was the first time I had ever sent an ask on anyone's account, not to mention this was probably the first guy I reached out to on my own initiative outside of those I was already comfortable around on Discord. I was so nervous and to a certain extent, scared, because even though I was 22 at the time I never knew I could be so shy. I must have been pretty red in the face from my shyness too.

But he reached out to me about my ask through Tumblr's messages function, and he was honestly really kind. In the first message he sent to me, he thanked me for the kindness in my ask, and I was so surprised that he directly reached out to me that not only did my shyness kick in full force, I admittedly didn't respond to it for a month. When I finally responded, he understood I was shy for reasons I couldn't explain at the time, and surprisingly, despite my shyness still lingering, I felt comfortable around him. He assured me that he didn't feel uncomfortable about the fact that I liked a lot of his posts, which I was feeling really conscious about and had admitted to him. I felt like I could come out of my shell at least a bit, open up a little, at least to the point where I was willing to keep talking to him if we could. There were times where there were bumps in the road, where I wasn't sure if we had gotten off on the wrong foot or something or I was wondering if I was annoying or a load because of a tendency to just run my mouth at times, but overall I honestly enjoyed talking to him and his company even if it was solely through Tumblr's messages function.

However, it wasn't for long. We only talked for a few months, and even then, it was really brief and spread out partially due to different time zones. He was dealing with a lot of hate from anons who knew they could get away with it because they could hide behind screens. It was one of the key reasons if not the key reason why he eventually deactivated his blog, last year actually, and probably hasn't returned. Our final exchange, in October last year, was me wishing him luck since he was deleting his blog and possibly not returning, and he thanked me and wished me the best as well. And we both moved on with our lives.

But here's why I think I'm weird when concerning this topic and for even writing all this. It's because somehow, I miss him and feel a wish to reconnect with him and talk with him again. Aside from us talking very sparsely, I'm not sure if we even really knew each other after our message exchanging. As a result of all that, I feel like I shouldn't miss him. Yet I do, and I feel a strange desire to reconnect with him and talk with him again. I try to quash those feelings because not only will it probably never happen, to an extent I feel like it doesn't feel right to miss him and want to reconnect with him after only exchanging messages with him briefly and it being almost a year since he left.

Oh boy, this was practically an essay. While I do feel a bit better about getting this off my chest, I'm probably going to be cringing at myself for this and considering when to delete it as well. It scares me a bit, the fact that even though I didn't mention the person's name at all, someone might still figure out who I'm talking about and somehow get it to him. Well, it's still up in the air as to whether this is going to be deleted or not, but it all depends on how much I regret posting this and how mortified and conscious I feel at least a bit later over even writing this to begin with.

[elizatungusnakur]

Indeed I’ve not been around and posting much. Since the end of February, I have been encountering some real stormy weathers of Change and Shadow. Mindset-shifting, Trickster-guided you could say, towards the realisation that I’m not only queer but also pretty poly. And that despite all that… I will be spending the next five years of my life based in New York with my elderly relatives and my husband, as I try to figure out how to buy a home back in Scotland - where my heart lies, and so do now half of the people I call family.

I also took my first (clean) blood oath to Loki on Beltane this year, solidifying the fact that They are not going anywhere in my life, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. Doing the ‘harder thing’, They teach, is not always the most satisfying in the moment, but fuck man, it does all make sense later. For the better.

Towards the end of March, I also acquired the beautiful ‘Trickster Tarot’ you see here, by the über talented @erribeka - the images from this artists’s deck have adorned my altar in all these months of shapeshifting and celebration. ✨

[daneecastle]

Brainstorming

Crowley was so much easier to understand at the end of season 2 Good Omens. I was able to pour my connecting and empathetic emotions with his onto paper and draw what I think he was feeling.

...With knowing where he comes from, what might have happened to him, and the possible theories of who he could actually be ...

We really don't know how he feels. So because of this thought, I hit a wall with Aziraphale.

Michael Sheen is an amazing actor. I don't even know where to begin to express the astounding impression he's made on my life with his roles in other movies. It took Good Omens for me to check him out and find out that the movies he's been in that I've seen he's always played the characters I was drawn to the most!

Yes even the Twilight role. (Not my favorite series of movies)

But, Aziraphale...

...has been the most dynamic.

I mean, we've seen the posts people have made about the looks he gives Crowley, the reactions that lacked words, but we knew what he might be thinking ... but do we really know? A lot of relationships are considered to work when opposites attract, but we need to have some common similarities. So, is he as simple as Crowley? (Who doesn't know how to communicate his feelings properly or really communicate anything about his entirety? ) who resorts to a physical act to get a very unclear message across?

Or...

Is he more complicated with his thoughts and plans? So much so that Michael has to pull off so many faces to show the massive amount thoughts running through, not only his head, but his fucking heart.

How can I visually sketch that out in a few, maybe four panels? ....... hmm. I'll try to post before bed, but this might take me a bit to really feel what's going on and put his inner feelings onto paper.

[generic-whumperz]

The way I have to set up these damn non-chronological chapters with what’s essentially a first act because, without it, it feels like skipping foreplay.

[olivine-rain]

Aside from a reblog I haven't really posted since ArtFight but in that time I have

a)interviewed for a job b)got the job c) went to the job for 6 1/2 days. I bought several scrubs, work shoes, and squeezed in a psych appointment to help with my anxiety with starting the job because I have lifelong chronic anxiety that has plagued me since childhood that causes very real physical symptoms that I try to mask but only have so much control over!

And today I lost the job, the main reason being cited is my visible anxiety and tenseness. Like, I ain't gonna lie, I did struggle, I'm kind of learning how bad my auditory processing problems can be especially when I have to get instructions or get information from talking to folks on the phone, but I put my whole ass into learning this job and succeeded in far more tasks than I failed.

idk. I kinda feel like I may be pleading my case too hard. it's not my intention. It happened today so the frustration and hurt is very fresh and people have been making the argument that I may have had an Ableism done to me which... I don't know if I believe but it's a sucky thing to come to terms with.

[herbal-moons]

Please don't hate me. I'm very young and still learning how to be young. And I'm very old and tired and frail and still learning to be mature. I'm very weak and very limp and very brittle and small and I can't do much but hope you like my remains. I want you to like the mess I am. Like spittinf blood in the sink or like a lukewarm bitter cup of badcoffee . Please like me please love me

I can't be anything if you don't love me so please let me be something for you let me be you . Let me absorb you and imitate you please I can't be anything else. I can't be anything unless you let me and you tell me I'm good and nice and proper. Please love me and praise me please tell me I'm good. Please pet my matted and bloody fur and call me a good dog even though there's blood on my maw and nothing for me to offer to you cause I ate it all. I ate it all like the selfish dog I am and left nothing for you but I still beg you to like me. A selfish dog with it's tail tucked between it's legs.

Love me love me love me love me.

Love me and my ramblings love me and my violence love me and my blood soaked clothes and teeth and face and maw and hands and claws. Pleas e love me

[oh-men-of-dark-and-dismal-fate]

Watching the new episode of Mystery Files and the fucking arsonist sounds like Billy Lenz.

[flashbackonyourbehalf]

Desperation

I’m terrified of poverty.

I shiver in my studio; and my cat

Is only *this* cuddly when she’s cold, too.

I push her off, though,

Feverishly filling coloring books

Just to stay sane after withstanding

The outdoors for my 9-5.

I’m scared

That it’s not enough, that

I’M NOT ENOUGH, I’ll never NOT be

Choking

Beneath the merciless boot of late-stage Capitalism. I know

That unplugging the microwave,

Turning off the heat,

And not flushing during frequent usage

Will only save a minuscule amount -

Not nearly enough to balance out the

Hard ciders and nicotine that help me cope -

Still.

It makes me feel better, despite

Efforts in vain.

The pleasure is short-lived

When I pay for parking daily and narrowly

Avoid ticket-checkers on trains and need

Battery-acid energy drinks to function.

These treats make me happy, but if I had some

GODDAMN SELF-CONTROL,

Then maybe

I could take longer showers.

And I wouldn’t worry about overdraft fees.

I want to decorate my temple

With tattoos and piercings, I want

To dye my Viking braid

Either crimson or emerald - (I can’t decide)

I want to go on dates without

Worrying

About rent, I want

To shower my loved ones with gifts,

Fill my haven with scented candles, and

Add to my ever-growing earring collection.

But I’m trapped.

Because I’m poor.

Because the cycle never ends.

And it will never be enough.

I have few spoons to spare, but maybe I could

Sell my body beyond

The 40 hour work week;

Surely there are older, wealthier

Gentlemen who see my curves

Rather than my gender - surely

I can perform in other ways

Than work requires, surely

Allowing detached vulnerability will

Fuel my self-disgust.

But, at least, I’ll be able

To buy a binder.

To dye my hair.

To decorate my body.

To afford parking and still buy lunch at work.

To buy more contact lenses.

To indulge in drinks without guilt.

To spoil my cat and my loved ones.

To pay for blood work I need for transitioning.

To make the best homemade meals, but also

To get takeout when I’m too tired to cook.

To enjoy life - rather than

Chasing dopamine.

I’ll never catch her.

She always escapes my grasp, but that sheer

Desperation

Is what will free me from this cage.

[h0rr1fy1ng1mpuls3]

I was lost

Lost and alone, when I found safety and relief

Distraction and satisfaction

Then I was shredded from that safety

And all was lost once again

My desperation soaring

I yearned for security

The thought of being free

I was deceived by my own mind

Now I can't look at a pill without sickness overcoming me

All because I wasn't allowed to sharpen pencils anymore

I lied to be free

I'm okay, I'm improving

For them to trust me

For them to leave me alone

I'm not safe

I know I'm not safe

No one else knows

[bunnydearest]

Taliesin West, in all her glory.

[mysticluv]

stuck on you

for the first time in months, our eyes met again across the roaring party and the familiar ache tightened around my chest and nausea swarmed in my stomach.

he looked as good as the day he carelessly broke my heart and walked away. the signature chain dangled across a fitting black shirt that carved his biceps and strong shoulders. the same arms i held onto 6 months ago for comfort and joy.

we held each others gaze, neither moving away. i couldnt read what he was thinking; i never could. yet i still wanted to try because despite the pain and time, a part of me still cared about his stupid thoughts and how he was doing.

mainly, i wondered how he moved on so easily. how he found a new girl a week later with ease but my chest tightens every time i think of him. even now after all this time.

i tore my gaze away from him and turned to seek a distraction. god why am i so weak? why couldnt i let go as simply as he could?

i poured myself a shot and downed in one go feeling the burn shoot down my throat as i reached for another. i took 4 before feeling the affect in my head as logic blurred in my mind i felt bold enough to mingle into the crowd dancing in the center of the garden.

i let my body loose and swung to the music, screaming lyrics with a blonde girl next to me as we held hands and jumped up and down. this was my youth and prime that i should be enjoying. i let go of the girls hands and closed my eyes, feeling the music and the drunken laughter echoing around me.

i hummed and swayed, unaware of my surroundings when suddenly a warm body bumped into my back. i spun around with a dazed smile, an airy apology on my lips when my eyes opened to meet familiar brown ones. the air grew thick around me as i instantly sobered and my smile dropped.

someone stumbled into my back, propelling me straight into his chest and his arm steadied me, warm against my back. neither of us moved as we stared into each other's eyes.

the agony tightened in my chest but i couldnt step away from his warmth.

he still smelled the same.

his touch still feels the same.

tears began to well in my eyes as his amber eyes bore into mine, unreadable as ever.

fuck i missed him.

[elizatungusnakur]

I want connection. Not just with Him, but with all those who know Him. 

[thesaddestchickennugget]

This has been on my mind for awhile, but I’ve realized that a lot of creators misunderstand, misuses, or outright ignore the beginning message in fnaf help wanted. The message regarding the first handful of fnaf games’ canonicity, stating they were created games within the series.

I say misuses and misunderstand, but what I really mean is that I don’t think they see what the reason behind this ‘retcon’ is (in my opinion/from my perspective anyway). My interpretation is that this is Scott’s way of writing off the dream theory evidence in the first four games. People often complain or joke about the confusing story and conflicting evidence, and I think these lines are trying to fix that.

There’s too much evidence that portray two different stories. I believe this is Scott’s way of taking out evidence out of the pile as a way to organize and separate the old story from the new, because Scott admitted to never having the whole story planned from the beginning to now. He has made posts about changing the story around circa fnaf 4.

This means we don’t have to consider evidence related to dream theory, or at least take it with a grain of salt.

This is in no way trying to invalidate the efforts of the many creators and fans and theorists of the community, I’m just throwing out this idea that I strongly believed in for a long time but never had the outlet to express. Don’t know if anyone’s gonna see this anyways, but if anyone does, let me know your thoughts and opinions! I would be glad to hear them.

[generic-whumperz]

When you come across a meme that reminds you of your oc, and you wish you could send it to them. :’)