#probably going to be a tad more selective over here but feel free to follow me over to this url!

[nyerus]

🌸 Updates and FAQs for Watching the TGCF Donghua! 🌸

✴️First, check out my detailed guide HERE if you want to know how to subscribe to YouTube or Bilibili!

Please read through these if you have any questions first before sending in an ask, as it's probably answered here (or the previous guide)!!! If you don't see it here, or still have confusions afterwards, then feel free to send in an ask or DM me!

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✨Important Notes/Updates✨

Bilibili is allowing non-members to watch for free! No region locks, and you don’t even need to make an account. Free watchers will be one week behind paid members. But this is a legal and free way to support the donghua if you’re unable to pay! (This actually means that you’ll be able to see the episodes faster and for free on Bilibili than you would on YouTube, because YouTube has a two week delay instead of just one week.)

Funimation is broadcasting TGCF in the US, Canada, UK, Ireland, Australia and New Zealand. These are some of the regions which are blocked by YouTube, so this is an available alternative for those who don’t want to go through Bilibili. They have also stated they will launch in Mexico and Brazil this winter.

ALL broadcasts are in Chinese with hard-coded/embedded English and Chinese subs. (I.e., they come with the broadcast itself, on top of the image. Nothing to toggle on/off, they are automatically there.) They are the exact same across all the platforms.

Please support official releases so that we can get more seasons, and high quality! This is still niche content, believe it or not!

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✨Frequntly Asked Questions✨

🔹GENERAL FAQs:🔹

1.) "Where is the best place to watch?"

I still reccomend Bilibili's native website/app over all other streaming platforms. This is due to some key points:

Bilibili's website/app gets the episode the very second they drop. There is no delay whatsoever. YouTube and Funimation have been delayed the last two weeks. It's unknown if this is just a hiccup or what, but if watching new episodes ASAP is important to you, going through Bilibili ensures you will not have to worry about any uncertainty.

Price breakdowns: Bilibili's website/app 3-month membership is $10-11 USD. Their YouTube channel's "MBBM Lv2" membership varies by region, but in many places is similar or just a tad more. In the US, the MBBM Lv2 membership and Funimation membership is the same price ($5.99 per month, or $17.97 for 3 months). So you can actually save some cash by going through Bilibili directly.

In the end, this is largely up to personal choice and comfort. Some people may find it difficult to navigate Bilibili's website even with guides and google translate's auto-translate feature. In this case, YouTube or Funimation are fine alternatives. If you also have an existing Funimation sub or plan to use it to watch other shows, then that's perfectly valid too. Similar with the MBBM lv2 sub on YouTube, especially if you want to use it to see other shows (e.g. Legend of Exorcism which is only English-subbed on YouTube).

2.) "Where do I watch for free?"

On Bilibili's website, you can watch episodes for free! You will be one episode behind paid members, but it's a legal way to support the donghua. You don't even need to create an account!

3.) "What episode will be airing when/where?"

Check out the table below for the differences in airing times. Time is 11AM China Time.*

NOTE: Funimation is technically supposed to be the same as Bilibili members/YouTube MBBM Lv2, but the last few episodes have been delayed so I have no clue.... *Additionally, YouTube's episodes have been delayed by a little bit, but they've aired the same day.

4.) "How can I support the donghua?"

Free, on YouTube: Subscribe to Bilibili's YouTube Channel, give likes to TGCF videos/clips, and leave nice comments!

Free, on Bilibili: Everyone can follow the official TGCF account and page, plus leave likes on videos. All this following stuff requires you to have passed the Bilibili quiz to unlock levels: If you are lv2+, you can leave comments and give coins to offical TGCF videos. (Log in daily to get 1 coin/day if you're lv1+!) If you are lv4+, leave a good 5-star review!

Paid: Buy subscriptions to watch the donghua! Also, merchhhhh~

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🔸YOUTUBE-RELATED FAQs🔸

1.) "What's the difference between Bilibili's YouTube Channel's MBBM Lv1 and Lv2 memberships?"

MBBM Lv2 allows you to watch the episodes on the same day as Bilibili's website broadcast.

MBBM Lv1 has new episodes delayed by one week, meaning you will be one episode behind the others. There actually is zero point in subscribing to MBBM Lv1 (unless you want to watch other subbed donghua) because you can watch the same content on Bilibili for absolutely free, since Bilibili is allowing non-members to watch TGCF one episode behind paid members.

You can also watch two episodes behind on YouTube.

2.) "If I have YouTube Premium/Red, do I still need a membership on Bilibili's YouTube page?"

Yes. YouTube premium is completely separate from the channel-specific memberships.

3.) "Are episodes simulcast on YouTube?"

While originally stated as being simulcast, there actually seems to be a bit of a delay on YouTube as of now. It's unclear if this will change with future episodes.

4.) "Do I need a VPN?"

If you are from one of the restricted countries, then yes, you'll need to use a VPN. You can still pay for the subscription as normal, and then use a VPN to watch the donghua. It will not affect payment.

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🔹BILIBILI-RELATED FAQs:🔹

1.) "Do I need to take that 100-question quiz to sign up for Bilibili or the membership?!"

No, it's totally optional! You do not need it to either watch the free episodes or to buy a membership. It's only if you want to comment and stuff. It might make you think you gotta do it, or enter a code, but it's actually not needed. Check out THIS post for more info!!! (However, you may still want to do it in order to level up and eventually leave a nice review for the donghua!)

2.) "I'm only able to watch 6min on Bilibili's website when I watch from my phone. Do I need the app?"

You do not need the app. Switch your browser to Desktop Mode in order to watch the video in full.

Be sure to download a browser like Google Chrome, Firefox, etc that supports this mode if your native browser doesn't allow for it.

3.) "Can I get the app on iPhone/iOS?"

This depends on if you are in a country where the app is not region locked in the app store. If you're able to download it that way, great! If not, try using a VPN and setting your region to mainland China. It may work. APKs are not useable on iPhones, so unless you know how to sideload apps onto your device, you may be stuck with the app store only.

Do note that you might be unable to pay for a Bilibili membership through the app, depending on version, but you can always simply pay through the website and then use the app as normal. It will apply account-wide on all devices.

4.) "Why are there two versions of the app?"

One seems to be the international version, which is more basic and lets you pay via GooglePay/ApplePay. The other one seems to be made for mainland China, and allows you to even buy merchandise through it (Chinese address/bank acc required). Mostly, both have to be downloaded via APK on Android. But some iOS users have reported different versions of the app being available for them through the app store (namely the int'l ver, and some have said they can use a VPN to get the mainland one).

5.) "Is there any benefit to having the app over just using the website?"

Not really, no. With the app you can buy very cute hualian themed skins for your profile, though (if you have the mainland version of the app). Plus you can save videos for offline viewing.

6.) "Do I need to enter my area code for Bilibili when signing up/in?"

NO, you do not enter your area code in the phone number field. Select your country from the drop-down list and it will automatically consider your area code. (E.g. if you're in America, select 美国 and enter in your number like 5557779999.)

7.) "I didn't get to set a password when signing up, so how do I log into my Bilibili account after being logged out?"

Use the same phone number you did to sign up. Instead of a password, you'll enter in a one-time key that is sent to your phone via text message. (NOTE: some people have reported not receiving these messages, which may vary by phone carrier!)

As mentioned above, don't include your area code when filling out your number.

Also, if you are signed in on the app on your phone, you can scan the QR code on the log-in page through the app.

8.) "How do I turn off the barrage comments filling up the video I'm watching?"

Select the little button that reads "弹" under the video:

(Website vs App)

9.) Is the Bilibili subscription auto-renewing?

No, the 1-month (¥25), 3-month (¥68), 1-year (¥168) subscriptions will not automatically renew. They are a one-time payment only!

Notice that the renewing payments all say "连续" in front of them, which means "continuing" or "successive" types of subscriptions. They are also cheaper than the one-time payment. (E.g. the renewing 3-month sub is ¥45 instead of ¥68.) Moreover, the renewing types are not even available to purchase with PayPal, afaik. You need Alipay or WeChat Pay, etc.

10.) "Can I use the app/membership to read the manhua too?"

Unfortunately, not quite! Your Bilibili account is universal, but you'll need to download the manhua app seperately and topping up M-coins to pay for the manhua. (One-time purchases, either by volume or by chapter as per your choice.)

11.) "What resolutions are available?"

You can watch up to 480p as a free member. Paid members can watch at 1080p and high-bit-rate 1080p. It's possible to chromecast it to TV, too. (I haven't tried it, but others have!)

12.) "Can I watch across multiple devices?"

Yes, you can!

13.) "Do I need a VPN?"

No, Bilibili is not region-locked. However, some particular countries may have Chinese apps blocked.... :(

14.) "I want to leave a comment/review. How do I level up on Bilibili?"

Log in daily, watch at least one video per day, give coins (attained by logging in) to your fave videos, etc! It will definitely take a while haha.

15.) "Will I be able to watch other donghua like MDZS or SVSSS with my membership on Bilibili?"

No, those two donghuas are produced by TenCent, not Bilibili. You will need either a TenCent/WeTV account, or you can watch them on their YouTube channel (free).

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🔸FUNIMATION-RELATED FAQs🔸

1.) "Is Funimation's broadcast a simulcast?"

It is supposed to be, according to their initial announcements. They seem to be having some technical difficulties, but those may be resolved soon. I suggest keeping an eye on their twitter for updates if you are interested in watching through them!

2.) "Do I have to pay extra on my Funimation sub to watch TGCF?"

No, afaik, the regular $5.99 sub covers TGCF too.

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I hope this helps out people further, so we can all have an easy time watching the donghua! And please do support it legally! 🙏

If you still need help, feel free to send in an ask!

[peachiikawa]

Fly | Route Selected: S. Daichi

a/n: thank you all for being so patient with me. finally, here is the long awaited daichi route. hope you all enjoy!

genre: mafia au

warnings: blood, reader getting hurt, guns, violence

word count: 2.3k

Fly Masterlist

“I choose you”

Your eyes locked with daichi

And daichi stared into yours trying to figure you out

“Are you sure?”

You nodded your head and held your ground

“Im sure”

He felt his eyes soften for a moment at the determination in your eyes before hardening again

“Fine. Everyone else, go home. Youre with me then. Lets go”

Daichi called for a car and drove you home

The silence between the two of you was only filled with the soft sound of a piano playing on the radio

The ride was finally over after about twenty minutes

“I’ll come get you tomorrow morning. Youll be working as an intern now so dress accordingly”

With that he left and you felt like you could breathe again

Just what had you gotten yourself into?

As he said he was at your house in the morning in a car that looked just a tad too expensive

You gulped before taking your first step towards him

“Good morning, Daichi”

He just nodded at you as you got into the car

The drive was once again silent

You looked over at the man behind the wheel and noticed how...formal he looked

Suit, straight back, both hands on the wheel

You felt yourself naturally adjusting yourself to mirror his mannerisms

He stole some glances at you without you noticing and felt his eyes soften upon seeing how nervous you looked

As soon as you stepped into the building you could feel the professional atmosphere

The endless windows and white walls gave off a chilling feeling

You only came back to reality when Daichi gently nudged your back

“I dont have all day. Hurry up and move”

The harshness of his words were the opposite of his touch but they still hurt nonetheless

You nodded your head and kept walking, trying to keep up with his quick stride

You followed him into an office as he took a seat behind the wooden desk

“This will be brief so don’t feel the need to sit”

Your eyes followed his every move as he organized his desk that was already pretty organized with stacks of papers

Daichi went on about your duties here but you honestly werent listening

You were a bit overwhelmed from the unfamiliar building you were in that you forgot about the man in front of you

Up until your eyes landed on the nameplate that sat on his desk

Sawamura Daichi, CEO

Without even knowing it, your eyebrows furrowed in confusion

Just who did you get yourself involved with?

Daichi finally noticed that his conversation with you wasnt going anywhere

“Hey. Are you even listening to me?”

You snapped out of it and shook your head

“Im listening!”

He just sighed and repeated everything he just said again

“Whatever. Just listen because this will be the last time i say this. Youll be working here at Sawamura Inc from now on as an intern. Your fellow interns are Hinata and Kageyama so feel free to ask them questions if you have any. You can leave now. I’ll come get you at the end of the day”

You nodded your head and started your day

Kageyama helped you the most in learning the ropes, you didnt see much of hinata. it was almost as if he was avoiding you

“Ok...so these files go here?”

He nodded his head

“Yeah i think you got it down now. If you need me ill be organizing some things for suga”

The rest of the day went on slowly until finally seven oclock hit

You could hear the faint sound of footsteps approaching you

“Lets go”

Daichi wasted no time in leaving

You quickly put down the rest of the papers you needed to organize and followed him out

The next couple weeks were like clockwork

Almost exactly the same as the day before

And no matter how hard you tried to get to know the man who took you to and from work he wouldnt budge

The only thing you ever got out of him were short replies and head nods

Did he really not like you that much?

But something you noticed every morning and every evening was the light sound of a piano playing from the radio

“Do you like the piano daichi?”

You werent even sure youd get an answer out of him

But he must if he listened to it everyday

You saw his hands lightly grip the steering wheel tighter before loosening, a ghost of a smile appearing on his lips

Your eyes widened when you saw it

In your two weeks together...youd never seen him give a look like this

Like he...enjoyed life

Like he was happy

“Yeah...its okay”

But just as fast as it appeared on his face, it quickly disappeared

Who knew that the stoic man next to you could make expressions like that

Almost made your heart race

“Do you play?”

Silence fell upon the both of you before you heard him let out a sigh

“No”

And now we’re back to stage one when you finally though you were getting more than one word answers

What could you do to make him see you?

This question played in your head as you filed away some papers for Asahi with Hinata

It was the first time youd done something with him but from what youve seen kageyama just calls him an idiot all the time and hits him

Also from what youve heard hinatas been with the sawamuras for a while so maybe he has some insight

“Hey hinata, can i ask you a question?”

He kept quiet so you took that as permission

“Do you know why daichi likes listening to the piano so much?”

That caused him to stop

“If he hasnt told you then dont ask me”

Youd be lying if you said that didnt make you more intrigued so naturally you did some digging

And eventually you stumbled upon an article from no more than five years ago

It told the tale of a young piano prodigy that had chosen to study music at the university of music and performing arts in vienna

And that piano prodigy was the now the distant leader of the Karasuno Mafia

You wonder what happened to him, what the story was behind his change in career path

The next day you decided that if you wanted to learn more about him then asking the questions would help

“Good afternoon daichi!”

You smiled at him as you delivered some paperwork to him

“Morning…”

You set the small stack down on his desk in front of him

“These are the papers for the closing on the Inarizaki deal”

He picked them up and quickly skimmed it

“Okay, thank you. You may go now”

When you didnt move he looked back up

“Do you have something else for me?”

He saw the way you fidgeted with the tips of your fingers and his eyes softened for just a moment

“Would you like to have lunch with me?”

He knew that he should say no

That he shouldnt let you in

“Sure”

How harmful could one lunch possibly be

Little did daichi know he was about to be interrogated

“--no i dont know who my favorite superhero is”

This was probably the tenth question youve asked and he wished you would stop

But he didnt know how to tell you no

Not when you were asking genuine questions

He thought it was kind of nice to be talking to someone normal again

Not someone who was involved with the mafia

But someone who was just...ordinary

“Ok ok..one last question”

He smiled softly

You felt your breath hitch after him showing you that gentle smile

“Go ahead”

The way you talked to him with no filter was refreshing

So he wasnt expecting the next question really at all

“I came across an article the other day about this boy who loved playing the piano,”

Daichis heart almost stopped

“Why did you stop playing daichi?”

‘Because my father made me’

He clenched his fist, crumpling the napkin inside of it

“I just got bored of it”

His reply came out through gritted teeth and you knew he was lying

You gently laid your hand on top of his until you felt it relaxing under you

“Well, no matter the reason, I hope that someday ill be lucky enough to hear you play”

His heart melted

The thought of playing again is something hes always wanted

But his father wouldnt let him

And left a permanent reminder on him about it

“That probably wont ever happen so dont get your hopes up. Let’s get back to the office, lunch is over”

And just like that he was back to being cold towards you just when you thought you were making progress

A couple weeks go by and it seems like daichis pushed you out of his life all over again

So much so that suga was the one giving you assignments from daichi where daichi used to just tell you himself

“Hey, hinata, kageyama and y/n! Daichi wants you guys to go make some copies from the store around the corner. Printer is jammed here and we need to get those documents ASAP”

You all nodded your heads and headed out

You were really too caught up in your own thoughts to be thinking about your surroundings

Had you really crossed a line that day?

You just wanted to figure out the real daichi

Because to you, the real daichi had his walls up 24/7 but behind those walls was a gentle smile and just a guy who wanted nothing more than to just live a normal life

So you didnt notice when hinata and kageyama stopped causing you to run into their backs

“Why did you guys-”

Hinata held a protective arm out in front of you

“What are you doing here, mad dog?”

The boy you assumed was ‘mad dog’ pushed himself off of wall he was leaning against

“Boss wanted me to fetch something”

His eyes locked onto your form

“And im here to collect”

This sent chills down your back

What was he going to do for you?

Who was his boss?

Your mind was running a mile a minute

“y/n you need to run”

Hinata’s voice brought you back to reality

“What?”

Hinata’s eyes never left the man in front of him

“Kageyama and i will take care of him. You need to get back to the office. Now!”

You sprinted as soon as hinata yelled for you to leave

‘Theyll be alright, right? They handle stuff like this all the time’

But you came to an abrupt halt at the sound of a gun going off

‘Fuck my life’

You turned back around help in any way you could

Only to come upon an unconscious kageyama and bleeding hinata

“You fucking idiot! Whyd you come back?!”

Meanwhile mad dog approached you and placed his hand under your chin

“You just made my job a whole lot easier”

Before you could even scream a piece of cloth was placed over your mouth and your vision went black

“Give your boss a message for me, carrot top. Tell him that if he wants his intern back he has to come get them himself”

Hinata gritted his teeth before passing out himself

Suga found them not too long after that

And after hinata told daichi what had happened...he was livid

He was supposed to protect you

To make sure that you stayed safe

And he was too weak to do it

Too afraid of what his father would have done if he found out that he was fond of a random person they picked up from the streets that had no ties to them

Afraid of what his father would have done to you

He clenched his jaw and let out a grunt as he punched the wall next to him

But fuck that

He knew that in this moment he needed to get you back right now

The thought of you being injured due to his own incompetence scared him more than what his father might ever do to him

So he was off

“When will they wake up?”

“Theyve been out forever”

“Dude its only been like three hours of course theyre still out”

The voices around you became clear as you regained consciousness

“Oh~ looks like theyre finally awake”

“Yeah probably because you wouldnt shut up”

Standing in front of you was a group of men you had only seen in brief pictures from the reports you made for daichi

‘Seijoh’

From what you remember their boss is a major flirt and his right hand man keeps him humble

Mad dog was sitting off in the corner next to a brown haired man who just kept staring at you…’creepy’

You flinched as the one you recognized as their boss reached a hand out towards you

“Aww dont be scared! I promise i wont hurt you”

He bent down to your level with a hand on your shoulder and leaned in to the point that his breath tickled your ear

“Though im not too sure that some of the others here wont. So be good for me, okay y/n?”

You were scared out of your mind

But you were not going to let this guy get into your head

So you did what any reasonable person would do

You pulled your head back and headbutted him in the forehead

He stumbled back a bit

“Stay the fuck away from me”

Oikawa held his head and gave you a nasty glare

“Iwa take care of them”

Everyone filed out till it was just you and the spiky hair man in front of you

“Nothing against you, just doing what the boss said. Plus you could have just laid low but you had to provoke him”

Daichi wasted no time in getting to seijohs building

And as soon as oikawa heard he was in the building he sent for him

“Welcome daichi! What an unexpected surprise!”

Daichi always hated the sound of oikawas jovial voice

How fake it sounded

“Just give me y/n back”

Oikawa just shook his head 

“Never were a fan of small talk were you daichi? Okay, since youre just dying to see them ill bring them in now”

Daichi turned around and reeled at what he saw

Bruised and battered as you were set down onto the ground

“You fucking bastard”

Daichi clenched his jaw

He was at a loss of words for the sight in front of him

But he knew he had to get you out of here

So he scooped you up into his arms and headed for the door

But before leaving he stopped and spoke into his earpiece

“Get them”

And with that he left as a war ensued between the two gangs

Beep beep

The sound of your heart monitor brought you back to the land of the living

And next to you was a passed out daichi

You slowly felt around your bed before hitting the call button for your nurse

And as soon as you did daichi jumped up from his seat at the sound of footsteps approaching

You reached out and put your hand on his to get his attention and smiled at him

He sat back down and let the nurses tend to you, his gaze never leaving your body

“You should be able to leave within the next day or two. Rest up mx. l/n”

The nurse then left your room and left the two of you alone

You locked eyes with him before looking down at his hand and seeing how discolored it was

He noticed your eyes widen and tried to hide his hand once he realized what you were looking at

“Daichi! You need to take better care of yourself!”

You sat up from your bed and called a nurse to get a basic first aid kit

“Im fine y/n. You need to rest”

“Like hell youre fine! Daichi your hand is hurt. Please just let me fix it for you”

But before you could apply the bandages you hand your hand in his

“It cant be fixed y/n. This hand doesnt feel anything”

You looked up at him with confused eyes

“Its the reason i dont play anymore. My father crushed it a few years back so i wouldnt even think about playing. Said it was time i stopped playing with useless things”

The grip on your hand tightened a bit before slowly loosening

But you just gently squeezed it

“Well, even if your hand is ‘useless’ id still feel better if youd let me wrap it. Your hand is still a part of you and it can still bring so much joy into your life as well as those around you. You just have to have the courage to seize what you want.”

‘The courage to seize what I want’

Your words played out in his head over and over again

He made a promise to himself that day

That one day, you two would be happily together

No matter how hard this path may be

He was going to seize his happiness

Tag List:

@the-ironic-me​ @multisun​ @my-mass-hysteria​ @sugawsites @youbloodylegendyoudidit @sinthxy​ @celamoon​ @tinymouth @fait-de-fleurs​ @tsukifanbase​ @69owo​ @laglyssage​ @hearteyeskags​ @ntngann​ @shnnn​ @fukuro-dani-ace​

[theonetheycallhannah]

The Treatment of Captain Syverson-Prologue: History

Characters: OFC (Shane Benton), OMC (Elliott Thomas)

Summary: Shane Benton is a hard-working physical therapist and a loving girlfriend…but her boyfriend has a less than desirable way of showing it.

In case you’ve fallen behind or want to read more of my drabbles!

Word Count: 1.5k

Warnings:  Language, mature themes, angst, infidelity, domestic violence (moderate). Yeah, this may be a tad rough for some readers, but I tried to be mild, and mostly implicit. It was hard still, to see my fictional offspring go through this, even if she gives as good as she gets!

Author’s Note: Oh, y’all. When I needed a break from the sweet tenderness of Chapter 8, I came here and put Shane through some hell. (You can blame one of my friends I was talking about for this angst as they’re the one who put me into angsty headspace by cheating on my other friend! It’s been weighing on me! But I guess at least I’ve been able to use it!) I really hope you enjoy a bit of backstory on our heroine! I really liked writing her ferocity.

Also, I meant to have this posted yesterday, but because of some tragedy in one of my other fandoms (and the world, in general! Rest In Power, Chadwick Boseman!) and a bit of craziness in my personal life (my HS bestie wanted to hang out this weekend, so I spent a lot of time with her…also…I’ve been talking to a real live fella! OMG! And it’s entirely too soon to say that I like him, but like…I very much do…but he’s far away and recently single and things are complicated in just, several ways, so it just can’t happen at this point. But…like, we have been talking a ton recently, and…sigh. I have found it difficult to focus on the matters at hand. But, rest assured, I’m working on Chapter Nine, and it will be up just as soon as I find my rhythm!

Disclaimer: Unbeta’d because this is for fun and escapism. (Well, this isn’t a super fun chapter, I guess!)

Tags: 

@onlyhenrys

@cavillryarchive

@summersong69

@titty-teetee

@bloodyinspiredfuck

@agniavateira

@oddsnendsfanfics

@omgkatinka

@thisismysecretthirstblog

@misslaland

@speakerforthedead0

@tumblnewby

@suavechops

Hope I’m not forgetting anyone! If you want to be notified when I post a new chapter or work, I’ll be happy to add you to my tag list! (Also, if you’ve asked and aren’t on the list...well...that would be because I forgot to add you and reminding me will not offend or upset me. I think I might have ADD, or something, and being reminded about things is kind of how I survive!) Stricken blogs are getting personal messages from me when a new chapter is uploaded because Tumblr’s faulty tagging system will not stand in the way of me delivering what the people want!(?) lol! (Although…their lackadaisical notification system might…sorry for that. I have no control. lol!)

X@X@X@X@X@X@X@X

5 years ago-

Shane got home from work, exhausted. The new electronic documentation system they'd just implemented was kicking her ass. And Anita's, whom she constantly had to help with it, all the while hearing Anita bellow "When can I retire?!" which lost its charm on about the third day.

"Elliott, I'm home." She didn't smell anything cooking, despite the fact that she knew he was off all day today. Whatever. She was used to him doing virtually nothing but whatever hipster bullshit he got up to on Instagram and YouTube, trying to get off the ground as an influencer with a brand…spare her. Since when did that become a job? She didn’t mind to get takeout though, if only she knew he wasn’t cooking. Maybe she should have asked. "Honey, I could have picked something up if--" she was startled by him in the doorway to the hall, in only his anime boxers, looking like he was trying to not be surprised she was home. "What?"

"Nothing, just…excited to see you! How was your day?" Elliott asked, scratching the back of his neck, displacing his mid-length, slightly moppy light brown hair, already disheveled. That was his tell. Something was up. She knew it.

"What's going on? Are you hiding something from me?"

"Why would you ask me that? Don't you trust me, baby?!" he guilted. Knowing just the buttons to push for empathy. It wasn't gonna work today. The machine was all out of that selection and full of his bullshit currency.

"Now that you mention it, no. I sure as hell don't." she walked around to enter the hall and investigate the rest of the house. "Let me through." he wouldn't budge. He had the advantage of physical size, but she was still wearing her work uniform including sneakers…he was more than half naked. She stomped hard on his instep and smacked him in the ear as he doubled over. She felt marginally bad for that in the moment…at best he'd get mild tinnitus for a while. At worst, he could have permanent hearing damage. She'd check later for blood coming out of his ear and see if she should feel worse about it then.

She rounded the corner to their bedroom. The quilt her grandma had made her was carelessly crumpled with the top sheet and blanket at the foot board. She noticed a swatch of an orangey red lipstick on her pillow. The same shade smudged onto the full mouth of the panicking strawberry blonde frantically donning clothes in front of her antique mirror, and the same shade, she was guessing, that was smeared across certain places on Elliott’s body that were now covered by those boxers that she had always hated. You know what, Elliott, she thought to herself. Fuck Bleach, and fuck you!

"I'm sure you're a lovely person who's just been lied to by a very charming and manipulative man, but…you still only have ten seconds to get to my front door before I call the cops." Shane threatened the girl, who couldn't have been more than twenty-one…and he was thirty-three.

"She's my guest." Elliott defended.

"You're not even on the lease. Your credit was too bad." she said over her shoulder while still squared off with the girl. She turned back to her. "I'm trying to be calm here, sweetie. But do not make me tell you even one more time to get out of my…fucking…house." the girl picked up her shoes and a small messenger bag from the floor near where Shane stood, keeping as wide a berth as she could, and skittered out of the room in terror.

"How many times, Elliott?"

"Don't do this, Shane."

"No, I think this is something we should do. Count the times you’ve broken my trust. Kissed another girl, fooled around with one, fucked one…I mean…I've never caught you in our bed before, so this LOOKS like a first…I sure hope it is…because I don't recall you doing any laundry since you've lived here. And if I thought you let me sleep in the same sheets that you…I can't even look at you, you son of a bitch."

"It's not what you think, Shane." he said, calmly, as if he'd simply picked up the wrong consistency of peanut butter from the store. The wrong brand of milk. Not that he ever did the shopping.

"Bullshit. Bull. Shit. Elliott. I come home and find you like this, and there's a girl in OUR bedroom, and her lipstick is all over MY pillow, and your balls, no doubt. Not gonna make you prove it, because at this point, I don't give a shit anymore. I've lost count of how many times I've forgiven you, even times you didn't care enough to ask me to. Times you probably don't even know that I know about. But it's done. You're gonna pack up all your things. And you're gonna be gone by the time I get home from work tomorrow. And don't expect me to be late…because I will not be."

"You're acting crazy. You can't do this. Where will I go, Shane?"

"That's not my concern anymore. Find an apartment that accepts Likes and subscriptions and followers as rent and cherish it. But your free ride here is done. I'm not your mom, your maid, your cook, or…anything to you anymore, Elliott."

He was getting angry now. His nostrils flared and his breaths came more quickly.

"Is this because you're fucking another guy? Hmm?" he got in her space, but she was out of the bedroom and back into the hallway. She shouted back.

"Oh, NOW you're gonna try to deflect this onto me? When in holy hell would I have time to get with anyone but you, when we don't even have sex anymore?! It's been, what, two, three months?"

"You work with guys."

"You have no idea who I am. To think that I would do something like that. No idea at all. If I don't have time at home, I certainly don't have time for sex at work, and you can ask any of my coworkers, male OR female. That place is an unsexy, unholy shit show 90% of the time. And the other ten, it's just above bearable."

"Well, I'm still not going anywhere."

"You are. Like I said. You're not on the lease. And all I have to do is call the landlord and tell him you're here without my permission and he'll have the cops here." she had gotten a glass of water…although she needed something stronger, and was standing by the sink with it. Her mouth was getting dry. She couldn't take much more of this without breaking.

"You wouldn't really do that to me though. I'm the only man who can give you what you want." he grabbed her by the arm, hard.

"Let go of me, Elliott."

"Or what." he asked for it. She got the other instep, his groin, and threw water in his face. She grabbed her purse and bolted out the door.

She got quickly on the phone with Heather her closest friend who had recently been hired on as a secretary for her clinic.

"Yello." she said, cheerful.

"Two things: can I crash at your place tonight and what kind of phone do you have?" she asked.

"Yes and a Galaxy something, I dunno, but what the fresh hell are you talking about?"

"I'll explain when I get there. I’m on my way to CVS for some essentials. Do you need anything?"

"Sounds like we need wine and ice cream!"

"Already on the list." She thanked Heather and hung up, calling her landlord.

“This’s Sam.” She heard over the receiver.

“Sam, I’m sorry to bother you, but I have a situation at the house.”

“What’s goin’ on?” He asked concerned. She’d never rented from anyone so kind. He’d become almost family. Like an uncle.

“Long story short, pest control. I’m kicking Elliott out and he has until the time I get home from work tomorrow. I told him you’d be there with the cops if he didn’t comply because he’s not on the lease. Is there any way you can help me and make that good?”

“He hurt ya, Shane?”

“Not, umm…not physically.” Although she had been rubbing the place on her arm where he’d grabbed her, certain there would be a bruise.

“That’s all I need to know. I’ve got a buddy or two on the squad here in town. I’m sure they won’t mind to help me out. You need anything?”

She held back the tears until she could hang up. “I’m staying over at a friend’s tonight and headed into CVS now for a few things I didn’t take time to grab after I kneed him in the groin and ran out.” She had just pulled into the parking lot.

“Well I’m nearby if you need anything when you’re back home.”

“Thanks. I guess just watch for smoke from the place for now. I don’t know what he might do, honestly.”

Up Next: Prologue: Onset of Injury (Sy)

[sole-cuore-amore-e-droga]

Croatia brings no men in a hamster wheel to Rotterdam 2021

Now could this be the teddy bear uprising invasion Muse has warned us about 12 years ago?

And LITERALLY, these review series make me feel like Croatia is openly taunting me - I watch the days go, I’m losing track of time, and when another day comes, I’m screaming “oh no I forgot to publish a review sooner than wanted!!”. Guess I’m for one glad there’s a time related song this year, hum?

ARTIST & ENTRY INFO

Repping the Adriatic coast nation that got all the sea instead of Bosnia & Herzegovina is some 22 year old Albina Grčić, who first popped up on X Factor Adria back when that was a thing, and got lumped into a girlgroup in later stages, but to that she said “hvala ne” and moved on with her life, getting eliminated just like that. Queen <3 She did get her second chance to compete as a soloist and make a more prominent mark on her career when she ended up on The Voice in Croatia. She did well, placing third overall in the season, but somehow, during the duel stage, her coach initially favoured her fellow Dora 2021 contestant Filip Rudan:

Her Voice success landed her a record deal with the Croatian division of Universal Music, she released a debut single, sometime later ended up on Dora, and here she is now, on Eurovision.

“Tick-Tock” is the song, a standard upbeat pop song, and one of the ones that talks about a girl leaving a terrible relationship and being so well over it that she “found [her]self and [she’s] finally free”, and the “tick-tock” here is used to represent the time passing by, not the sound of her heart, unlike a fellow ESC entry of a similar title. The tune (or its lyrics only) is co-authored by some dude you might’ve heard of from France’s 2018 preselection Destination Eurovision, and that is Max Cinnamon - some half-English guy with a half English song about love (”Ailleurs”) that did moderately averagely in the final... I don’t even know if his influence shows, I just love how 2021 has sort of become revenge of the NF flops but they’re writing other entries instead (Suzi P, “Adrenalina”).

REVIEW

I often don’t really fully vibe with female bops in Eurovision as much as I want to, like, for the most part they’re overhyped, and I let the “yass queeeeen” audience gorge on the everything their favourite bops give them. But this year there are plenty of great ones to choose from, as I think that it’s safe to say that most, if not all, are tucked in somewhere inside my top 20, top 25 at the very minimum. Croatia managed to even do the impossible and land into my top 10.

Why?

Well, the answer is that the song is just so damn good.

I mean, what’s NOT to like about it? It’s a catchy and upbeat song that incorporates xylophones (or whatever is it that sounds like them), guitars and synths; has a good bassline in the chorus; and it’s just... a very good composition overall, like, all the instruments in it are just in their right place and uplift the song massively. I also like Albina’s performance on it, both live and studio, it clearly shows that she’s a very good singer (also shown on her cover of the scandalous Oscar award snubbery “Husavik”). Sounds like a song a common pop loving Eurofan could gear themselves towards. Besides, it also has possibly my favourite pre-chorus section of the 2021 year? Oh wait, there’s also Switzerland, scratch that. “Tick-Tock” has one of my favourite pre-chorus sections of 2021. It builds up so well instrumentally and the way Albina sings it is even better. I obviously like to believe Albina heard those voices from far away that helped her to escape, has found herself, and she’s finally free from her “partner’s” bad lovin’ and restraint. Yas queen go be free you didn’t deserve his tomfoolery anyway!  👏 (Also I admire a section that’s not quite the pre-chorus but is still before the 1st chorus, the one that goes “If you pull me down then I'll come around” - literally just a lot of the parts of the song are full of nice vocal performance and I don’t regret ranking this in my top 10 not a second.)

If it has any drawbacks, it’s just that it gets a tad too repetitive after the halfway mark... like, the pre-chorus before the second chorus is the one to be repeated once again, and no new verse, nothing - but it does launch itself into something extraordinary, and that is a chorus in Croatian, which I assume she would perform in Eurovision because there’s no Eurovision version on the song promo bundle, I suppose. Comparatively the Croatian chorus is not as complex in lyrics as the English language one, and flows slightly differently too. But the song still has a long chorus by the end, and song with too many choruses is never a good sign for those that look for a song that’s constructed well, but I guess it’s a good factor for those that value the song’s catchiness. I guess that’s what one of the two Eurovision 2005 hosts valued the most when writing the Ukrainian 2006 entry “Show Me Your Love”, which if you ask me, is straight up 75% chorus, lol.

So yeah my verdict is that almost everything about this song, I like. I’m just a little devastated that in a usually very easily gorged on category of female bops, this just tends to lag behind in love, like a fellow song I really like this year, Israel. Instead people tend to prioritize Cyprus (which I get because they’ve established themselves as a girlbanger nation since Fuego swept Eurovision) and... probably even Azerbaijan? (which I might also get because Eurovision rarely has this thing called an ethnobop anymore, and it has more ethno than “Cleopatra” did, but still unnecessarily underwhelming lol.) Well then, in a year of female bangers, I would just like Croatia to not be swept under the rug come semis I guess. Yeah “Tick-Tock” may not sound like it brings something totally never seen before in a Eurovision environment (foreign language lyrics, themes about a break up, hell even her dancers looked like they were wearing the same hats as Tamta’s dancers), but you got to have a lot in you to sell a worn out idea to the new heights, and Albina does exactly that in my eyes.

Approval factor: Yeah! There is a lot of it in here for me. Follow-up factor: A great follow-up, not so great in regards to panini but musically it’s just going up and up from what we had in the past few years. I’ve actually not minded “The Dream” for the most part but I knew it was a chanceless plodding ballad and Roko harboured heaps of wasted potential working with Jacques Houdek and having wings as part of his performance, uff. *_* And then there’s “Divlji vjetre” which I also like a lot - a much better male ballad winner choice! If the Dora re-up winners keep being decent imo just like this, I have a feeling I will follow it a lot more often than I did just this one time this year. I am just saying that panini-wise, it was a sucky move from HRT for not allowing their last year’s winner promote his new song with Tijana (from Serbia 2017) on the Dora night, so we sadly only heard a pre-recorded opening version of “Divlji vjetre” to start off with :( Otherwise I think it’s not Dora’s fault in itself that Damir himself chose not to even submit an entry this year because he hadn’t found a good one - much like with Diodato for Sanremo (he was NOT rejected, if you think he still was, shush). But aside that, musically, it just keeps going up for me. Well done Croatia, for you’ve used to be a Eurovision country I don’t necessarily care about, that you brought two pretty damn good entries in a row. Qualification factor: I can absolutely trust in Albina bringing in a little bit of her charisma and well-likedness, and on top of that, a great vocal performance, in Rotterdam. Don’t ask me why, I just do. She doesn’t really perform her song live on pre-parties as much as I’d like to hope she would, but you heard girlie on the national selection, she didn’t win for nothing. Yeah yeah there might as well be female uptempo songs hungrier for the last spot, but I’d like to think Albina is one of the ones ready to devour than to be devoured. Go girl! Take us all dancing!

NF CORNER

To be honest with you, “Tick-Tock” winning Dora caught me by surprise. Ever since its re-up, the last two editions were kind of won by male ballads, and maaaaybe the dancey females were doing moderately well enough for themselves, but not overall? But look, juries were very keen on Albina, probably because she can SANG and she creates one hell of a fancy presence on her performance. And somehow she ended up snatching a win out of the hands of 5G conspiracy theorist 2016 representative Nina Kraljić, who was at first too drunk to care, but too unexpectedly sober to yell all over the soc. media how she was robbed and how the contest was rigged against her with her being on first and all that. Which is a shame that she is one of THOSE people, because her NF entry “Rijeka” is kinda nice? We did have the Balkan-esque ballads coming from Croatia in recent memory, but we haven’t had a truly proudly folksy one at that from Croatia for a long while, if not ever. Nina could’ve very well brought that to Rotterdam (and another mismatched wardrobe choice oops). But instead she was the one screaming “oh no, oh no, oh no”.

Actually I regarded Nina as one of my faves pre-show, and Albina was on her way, though she didn’t really cement the personal fav status until after all performances, thus making Nina and Albina switch spots for me. But truly, the one song that was my top favourite, iiiiiiiiiiis

GIMME AN OCEAN! OF LOVE!

2021 made me realize that damn, maybe anything that’s funky is my favourite music genre afterall. Up until then I vibed with entries like “Tonight Again” and “What’s the Pressure?” that had this sort of energetic flair and very rhythmic kinda sound to it, but 2021 just simply cemented it to me that my music world has probably been about nice and smooth and funky all along. I owe so much gratitude to ToMa first and foremost along the lines of more to have come in this year’s lineups - I just can’t not want to dance to “Ocean of Love”, and ToMa is quite alright at selling it live as well. There are small gripes with some instrument usages but that doesn’t detract from the fact that I love love LOVE funky guitar tunes.

Aside from that, I can give shout outs to Beta Sudar, whose song not only was underrated, but also had an underrated meme format throughout its performance:

My other props go to Bernarda, who not only competed in a national selection singing a song about seeing “Colors” while blind (and ironically there was a song called “Blind” in that same NF sung by a well-seeing guy!!), but also for finally putting this every country’s reject to rest. Seriously. That particular song was passed on to everyone in need of a competitive Eurovision bop, from Poli Genova to Helena Paparizou as of recently. Oh well, at least the song died a honourable death - well performed slice of good typical Eurovision pop (maybe even overperformed a little towards the end), that got a good rank with the regional juries, but somewhat murdered in televote, fellow Boris Milanov composition “Chameleon” style.

This one Mia Negovetić chick was promising too! Her song was written by the Debs and you might be tired of them trying to continue infiltrating Eurovision at this point, but a lot of their Eurovision songs are usually something I enjoy, “She’s Like a Dream” is no exception. Nothing but 3 minutes of pastel-dressed Croatian Ariana Grande doing what she does best <3

Oh and also some dudes tried to play chess on stage too I guess. But their song is not worth looking into, because one of the acts on it is apparently also a conspiracist, and maybe because oft this their entry is aptly titled “Sing, for the freedom has arrived!” lol I wonder what exactly is the kind of freedom you’re thinking of my guy

Was this the “better mood game” Laura was warning everyone about? Beats me

NF CORNER (NON-COMPETITIVE)

• It’s still hilarious to me as to how one of the acts this year, Brigita Vuco, was planning to bring in backing dancers, only for them to show a fake COVID test or something and outright BARRED from coming with her on stage. <3 Whatever she intended to do with them dancers, I have absolutely no idea, but at least she committed to her song being about drunken nights visually by having all these blurry shots

• Nina Kraljić’s greenroom shenanigans, from the “1-2-3, 1-2-3, drink” to numb the sadness over some results (and the 8 she got from the region Rijeka for the song “Rijeka” lmao), to whatever she saw on the phone that made her smile or go neutral

• Greenroom reactions in general. I swear, this year had cameramen in every single corner everywhere just to make sure something covers up for a human audience instead of severals of Zoom screens permitted to act as an audience. Random people in greenrooms were doing some sort of emotions after random acts, and also randomly they ended up pointing a camera towards an act that lost, but the act didn’t treat losing as if it were such a big deal <3

• All the other memes the Croatian Twitter might’ve noticed me for:

seriously Bernarda was locked in a bluelight mathematical dice contraption. how fucking cool is that

ANY LAST WORDS?

I just fucking hope that Albina shatters any doubts that people have had about her song come rehearsals, and somehow Croatia AND Israel slip through, because never too many female bangers I appreciate in the final, if they all are the bangers I appreciate, lol.

[iceywrites]

Something about your voice (Reader X Sirius Black)

Pairing: Reader x Sirius Black Words: 3.4K  Chapters: 1/? If you want to read it on AO3, click here

A/N: This is my first ever piece of fanfiction (any sort of it). If you have ANY suggestions, please feel free to share. Constructive criticism is appreciated. That’s it! You can scroll down now.

                                                             ***

The crowd cheered as their performance ended. James pointed his hands to the sky, then lowered them in an exaggerated bow while Sirius leaned forward from the edge of the stage and shook the hands of their fans. Remus started pulling out the wires from his microphone and other instruments that they had used in their concert; he just wasn’t the crowd person. Peter stood up from his seat where he was playing the drums and came into the spotlight, trying to make eye contact with everyone of thousands of people who had gathered to hear them sing. It was a wonderful night since it was last one from their world tour.

“Marauders! Marauders!” The crowd cheered for anyone of the four of them to say the magic words.

Sirius smiled a goofy grin. That was his favorite part of the performance. With his electric guitar still carefully balanced upside down on his back along the strap, he went behind a mic stand and removed it from its holder.

“Before we leave,” he paused for dramatic effect, “I solemnly swear,” he positioned turned the mic towards the crowd.

“I’m up to no good.” The crowd completed. The four of them – The Marauders, if you please – stood shoulders to shoulder, giving a final bow to express their gratitude towards the crowd and with that the lights went out. Even Remus smiled when he looked up at the crowds one last time before they left.

They made their way towards the backstage where they were supposed to have a small meet and greet session with about fifty of their fans who were randomly chosen from a crowd of thousands.

They spent about two more hours there with Sirius telling each and every one of them how thankful he was to see them at the tour. Remus was a tad bit more comfortable when there were lesser people. James was casually joking around with them as if they were friends. Peter usually busied himself with selfies and autographs, giving them a specialized souvenir.

When they were done, the boys resorted to the couch to update their social media feeds with their performance that night. Lily, their agent, came in with a bright smile on her face and not-so-unexpectedly, James looked at her as if she was the meaning of his life, which she probably was. Sirius sighed but smiled. There was no stopping to James pinning over Lily.

“Guys, this was a great show.” She smiled, this time more calculative in character like the agent she was. “We definitely have more profits this year.” She looked at them, her eyes turning soft again. “You did it.”

It was their second album, but they had already made the impression that made every singer in the industry know that they were there to stay. They had a dedicated fan base who supported their decisions without question.

It wasn’t easy to build the band. James was the founder of The Marauders. It was his idea to bring together his mates from their music school to build a band. James’ parents, the Potters, were supportive of his decision. Even though both of them were widely known directors, they didn’t mind their son diverging from their field of art.

But that, however, wasn’t the case with Sirius. The Blacks, just like the Potters, were famous directors only because of their scandals. Each and every member of his family was either an actor or a producer or something in that line of art. Sirius just couldn’t. He could always express himself better when he was singing or playing some instrument. When Sirius rebelled, they threatened him saying that he would be disowned. And so they did. Ever since then, Sirius lived with the Potters.

Remus and Peter were from normal families. They had no celebrity in their hereditary and therefore it was understandable that they were apprehensive.

Remus was the last one to join. He had scars on his body that everyone would claim as ugly and there would never be a day when it would be normal for him. He had been severely bullied when he was younger. It was so bad that he had to get stitches on several places on his body. Then he changed his school and found the biggest goofs he had ever met - James, Sirius and Peter – and life just changed its course.

Remus wanted to join the band, he really wanted. But he just couldn’t convince himself enough that he would be able to handle the negative intensity that would be thrown at him. He would spend nights, tossing and turning around telling himself that he should trust himself and his friends. Every day, those goofs would make leave him little notes like – they are a part of your body and every bit of it is beautiful – or something along the lines of you would create a new scar every time you fight with them. Remus had to admit that they were breaking his resolve. It took him time to understand why exactly was he so needed in that band. It was because the four of them were unbreakable and they hoped to continue it that way.

Sirius had proposed the idea of them having a sort of hieroglyph-ish symbol for each and every one of them. The symbols would tell their listeners about their character and add an element of mystery to their art.

The band was deciding their symbols. James took a stag, Sirius chose a dog and Peter selected a rat. Remus slowly whispered that he would like to be a wolf.

James gave him a toothed grin and said, “Welcome aboard, Moony.” And in that moment Remus understood that they were going to have nicknames too.

Lily told them that they could have a success party but somewhere private where they could be assured that no one was watching them. No one at all. At least not the media. Definitely not the media.

James asked her to join them at the pub they were going where they could have some discretion. She politely refused telling them that it was their success and for once she didn’t want to be a part of it.

Considering them, they got caught pretty easily. Remus had warned them that that place was very crowded and they should definitely not use their Porsche to go to the club and Sirius should definitely not where that jacket which said This is Sirius Motherfucking Black in all possible shades of glitter (which was his patent jacket that he wore at least once to every concert). James waved him off by saying that he was just being paranoid and nothing bad could happen that day. Remus sighed. It would be interesting seeing them face the consequences.

The media was on their heels before they even knew it. This time it was Peter who saw it.

“Mates, that guy right there with the camera has been staring at us for a solid hour.” He whispered.

The three of them slowly turned their head in horror at the man with the camera.

“Lily is going to kill us.” James gulped and Sirius hummed in response.

“I told you – “Remus started but was cut off by a panicked James who was desperately trying to push everyone out of that place.

The cameraman took his clue and started imitating their motions. Sirius eagerly looked over his shoulder to find the man and other such people tailing them.

“We are dead, guys. Lily is going to stab us with her stilettoes.” Sirius said while springing into a run. They had made the very dumb decision of – one - going to the same pub that they had been to a million times before – two – asking their bodyguards and driver to leave because their mansion was close by and they wanted to walk their way home – and three – they were heading to a direction away from their home.

“Why don’t we have alleys here?” Peter asked midst their run.

Remus looked back. They were still chasing them with the cameras and had probably clicked some pictures too.

“Okay, we’re going split. Peter and I are going left and you guys run straight.” They followed him without question because he was the only one who had brain cells among them four.

It worked. The media was totally confused in choosing a more profitable direction. And by the time they decided to split too, The Marauders had found a place to hide. Peter and Remus rushed in a hardware store, which was their only hope considering that most of the stores were shut off in that ungodly hour. James and Sirius found an old and worn out café and rushed in with the logic that the media wouldn’t associate them with a place like that.

You were busy working on your laptop and twirling your pencil. You just really had to complete your project soon as the deadline was rushing close. Your legs were crossed on the table and you balanced your laptop on your lap. You pinched the bridge of your nose and trimmed the video that you were working on, adding filters wherever needed, cropping out unnecessary details and highlighting the moments that were supposed to be important. It was almost done. The music video was meeting your expectations. You made sure that you had completed all tasks that you had made a note of when you were presenting at the site as an assistant director.

You shut your laptop and decided to take a break. You got up from your seat and stretched around a bit. It was 1 AM, so you were obviously caught off guard when two people walked in. And, what was more shocking that they were the bassist and acoustic guitarist of your favorite band, The Marauders. Wow! You stared at them as if you had just met the angels. Your gaze moved from Sirius to James and back again to Sirius.

James looked at your form staring at them and gave you a startled look. Sirius followed his gaze to you and for a moment he forgot that he was supposed to be scared of the fact that you could pretty much blow their cover. How could he be scared? Your eyes were hypnotizing him and he wasn’t against it.

James’ voice brought you and Sirius out of your trance. “Could you help us? Just please don’t tell them that we’re here. Please!”

You smiled. “Hiding from the media, huh?” Sirius could have sworn that he had never heard a voice as angelic as yours.

You walked out of your café and pretended to appear busy. From your peripheral vision, you could see some men with cameras heading towards your direction.

“Have you seen anyone of the Marauders come around here?” A man with a rather gruff voice asked.

“They’re here? Where?” You asked in a squeal. “You have to tell me.”

“Forget I asked.” He said quickly before walking away back to where they came from.

“No! Tell me! Where can I find them?” You pestered as they hurriedly got away from your vision. You waited outside for a few more moments to check if they were heading back. When the coast was clear, you walked inside. Sirius was patiently waiting for your arrival while James’ was in a more panicked state.

“They are gone. You can go, if you want to.” You informed them and James let out a sigh of relief.

“Thank you so much. You’re our savior.” You chuckled and waved it off. You tucked a strand of your hair behind your ear and resumed your editing.

James got up from his seat and started leaving. Sirius was reluctant to leave. He wanted to stay and know more about the stranger that his eyes had caught.

“James, let’s just wait for a while more to be sure that they aren’t coming back around here.” Sirius logically pointed out, buying himself time.

James nodded in agreement and decided to call Remus and Peter to that café as well.

In about fifteen minutes, each one of the Marauders had huddled themselves in the safe cocoon of your café. Remus and Peter seemed a bit apprehensive seeing you there but Sirius decided to tell the valiant story of how you saved them adding his own dramatization. You giggled quietly to yourself when you would know that Sirius was adding extra details and James was shaking his head.

When you were done, you saved your work and looked at the boys. “While you are here, would you like something? I’m sorry I can’t make anything fancy, so please be considerate. Also, I have couple beers with me, so if you want em…?”

Everyone looked a bit hesitant. Everyone except Sirius. He looked like an enthusiastic puppy who was eagerly waiting for his master to toss him something to fetch. Sirius nodded and you tossed a butter beer in his direction. James and Peter joined and you carried the carton along with you for extras. Remus looked hesitant.

“Come on Remus, I can’t poison a canned drink.” You joked and tossed him a can. He gave you a small smile.

You looked around to grab a seat. Sirius slid in, squishing James towards the wall but making space for you. James glared at Sirius but he just looked at you expectantly. You smiled and obliged.

The proximity of having Sirius in your personal space made a deep red blush creep up your neck. You tucked a loose strand behind your ear and bit your lip in hopes to calm your hyped up heartbeat. You decided you start a conversation to distract yourself from your feelings.

“Your performance was great tonight.” You started.

“You were there?” Peter asked.

“No, just saw some videos of people who did go.” You took a sip and continued. “But I was there during your Australia tour. It was phenomenal.” You pointed your can towards Remus. “Your fingers run on those keys as if that is the only religion they know.” Remus bashed away and muttered a thanks.

“What about me?” Sirius asked and James decided to slurp onto his beer a bit loudly. Sirius slipped his drink, fixing his eyes on you.

You looked in some arbitrary direction and drowned yourself in the memories of the concert.

You were standing close to the stage. It was the last song and the crowds were going crazy. You were surrounded by a harmony of screams. In all those voices, you couldn’t even hear yourself. There was a silence among the four of them. Everybody had braced themselves for whatever was to come. The crowd started chanting Marauders like a mantra. And to satisfy everyone’s desires, a spotlight shined on Sirius and he smiled at each breathing soul in that arena. There was something mischievous about that smile but it was subtle enough to not look devious. He was going to open the song with his guitar. His fingers lingered over the strings, playing each chord ever so slowly. And then, his eyes met yours and you felt as if he was going to sing that only for you, like no one else mattered in that moment. You felt your breath being taken away. He winked at you and you swore that your soul had left for afterlife. His fingers went wild on the guitar, resonating its sound in the stadium, making it the most prominent sound over the several thousand screams. Sirius moved his eyes to the next person and you felt yourself come back to your senses. You were feeling dizzy. You shook your head and palmed your forehead, never once letting your smile fade.

Soon James, Remus and Peter came in the spotlight and they commenced their song. You banged your head to every beat and living them as if they were oxygen.

“When you play that guitar,” you said pulling yourself out of your thoughts but not completely, “it feels like the world it only confined to you and your guitar. Like that guitar is your secret language - almost like a mirror - to your inner self. And when you sing, oh God, it’s like everything moving stopped to hear your voice for it is too precious to be missed. I won’t call it an angelic voice, because I don’t know how they sound, but when I hear your voice, everything feels alright. I am in this comfort place where I know that no one can hurt me. Your voice is like therapy to me.” You turned to meet Sirius’ eyes.

Sirius had never heard someone describe him like that. He felt himself loosening up and forgetting there were people around him. It was not the liquor, he was sure. He was just drowning in your words; not because they were about him, but because they were so genuine and pure. There was no want in them. It was just sincere appreciation for his art. Peter and James coughed at the same to bring you both out of your trance. You were suddenly made aware of the people around you. You looked away and cursed yourself for not having a filter. It was obvious that they thought you were a creep and you helped them plant that assumption in their mind.

Sirius eyed each one of his friends, questioning their existence. Remus gulped down his drink to stifle his laughter. James and Peter visibly wiggled their eyebrows suggestively and Sirius only hoped that he could throw all of them away to get a nice moment with you.

James coughed and changed the topic. “And what do you think about me?” He asked, placing his head on his hands and looking at you with faux dreaminess in his eyes.

You shrugged. “Um, well, you sing… good?” James dramatically put a hand on his chest claiming that you wounded him and you felt the need to clarify that you were kidding even though you knew that both him and Sirius were known for being over dramatic.

You didn’t realize how time flew away as you talked to a grey eyed idol and his band mates. You loved how he was so very down to earth when he talked to you. You adored his passion for his art. You admired the way his eyes would crinkle and he would throw his head back when he found a joke particularly funny. You liked when he would look in some arbitrary direction and talk about all the gifts he had received from his fans and how he had a place specially dedicated for those articles.

Over the time, you had learnt to admire the man from his interviews, his voice, his presence, his skills, his looks, his dedication, his passion, his story and whatnot. But now that he was actually sitting beside you, talking to you as if you weren’t a stranger; everything felt… surreal. You had learnt to trust this man and support him no matter what and now that he was interacting with you, you knew that he was real and he had never faked anything.

So, really, it wasn’t your fault that you fell for this grey eyed, long haired Sirius Black.

Sirius wasn’t really far from the page you were on. When he first saw you, he was attracted to the elegance of your form. But when he spent a little more time with you, he realized that there was more than just the outward beauty that he saw. There was more depth and meaning to you and for some absurd reason, he wanted to know it. He wanted to know everything about you. Everything that his brain could contain and more.

What could he say, the mysterious (E/C) eyed beauty just had that captivating aura.

Remus, being the only rational mind among the dorks, suggested – no commanded – that it was past one and they could go home now considering that the media would have gone back a long while back.

They started moving out, thanking you for saving them and sharing your beers. You smiled and told them that they could come around anytime they wanted.

“I open up the café at night only. So, it is pretty safe for you guys.” You said with a friendly chuckle.

When the rest of them had walked a little on the way to their home, Sirius ran back to the café to find you packing up your things.

“I almost forgot,” he said in between his panting, “what is your name?”

You felt a soft blush creeping up on your neck. You tucked a strand of your hair behind your ear and whispered in a soft voice, “(Y/N)”.

Sirius’ lips stretched into a smile as he commented, “Beautiful.”

[turqrambles]

I watched all 26 episodes of an obscure Australian cartoon in one week and I’m not okay - My journey with Wicked! (2001) PART 1

Here it is, the reason I started this blog in the first place. I need to talk about this cartoon I ran into completely by chance. 

It all started, like you would, with Tubitv.

Good ol’ Tubi, the free streaming service that makes you either an expert at being able to find diamonds in piles of garbage or a connoisseur of said garbage. It’s thanks to Tubi that I put down that I watched Alpha and Omega: Family Vacation on Letterboxd for all to see and judge, but it’s also thanks to Tubi that I finally ended up watching Killer Klowns from Outer Space.

Anyhoo, one day I was browsing their family film selection when I ran into this selection. And that was the day my life changed forever.

What you see before you, posted to a streaming service accessible in the United States, is the movie adaptation of an Australian TV show that never made it to the United States, which is based off a series of Australian children’s books from the 90′s that also never made it to the United States. It made it to other territories like Germany and the United Kingdom (and it apparently did super well in France but don’t quote me on this) but the TV show ran for one year and then disappeared without a trace after one 26 episode season.

How obscure is this franchise? Well, for starters, at the time I’m writing this in 2020, the books, the TV show, and the movie all don’t have a single Wikipedia page to call their own, and the easiest way to get info about this thing is to find the (rather tiny) TvTropes page. 

Let’s just get right into this shall we.

What is Wicked!?

Before you try to be all cute and make any references to the hit musical, there’s a reason I’m putting that exclamation mark there.

Wicked! started out as a series of six children’s books written by Paul Jennings and Morris Gleitzman. I actually grabbed a kindle copy of all six books (because I’m in this thing too deep and I wanted to see how the cartoon compared with the source material) and I gotta say, they’re very charming.

The best way I can describe them is that they’re in the kid horror genre, but they’re less Goosebumps and more The Weenies book series by David Lubar in terms of gore and child endangerment. Wicked! has some artful depictions of blood and gore, but in a way that can be digested by the grade school crowd.

Being a former child, I can proudly proclaim that I would’ve adored this series when I was younger. Just look at these covers!

The plot of the books is that there’s a widower with a daughter and a divorced wife with a son who get married, and the two new step-siblings Rory and Dawn absolutely hate each other. They can’t stand the fact that their parents are getting married! Gross!

But then, on the day of their wedding, creepy things begin to happen after Rory receives an appleman doll in the mail, and then, over the course of six books, a deadly single-minded virus that feeds on hate and is targeting Rory’s bloodline begins to spread across wildlife, creating crazed mutant animals that try to kill everyone in the household. It’s up to Rory, Dawn, and Dawn’s grandfather Gramps to stop this virus before it kills Rory and his mother, and to do so, they have to seek out Rory’s father, who seems to be the mysterious cause and/or the solution to the virus.

I’m not sure how well these books did, on account of the whole “not Australian” affliction I seem to suffer from, but they seemed to do well enough to get a TV show adaptation.

And surprisingly, the TV show is a very close adaptation of the books, only they changed the plot in two big ways so that it fits an animated series with a “monster of the week” setup.

The first big change was that, of course, they toned down the blood and gore and removed the deadliness of the virus, choosing to go with a more cartoony mutagenic approach. Rory gets infected by the virus several times in the show, just like how he does in the books, but unlike the books, he never thinks that he’s going to die from it and it’s definitely treated as a more temporary thing. There’s no race against time either. Everyone is trying to live their lives except every so often, the virus shows up. A wacky cartoon virus with cartoony stakes.

That brings me to the other main change that they make in the show. Unlike the books, where the main villain is a mindless virus that feeds off of hate, an invisible foe that can only be defeated at the end of the last book with the help of Rory’s father, the TV show decides that that’s no fun and instead makes a main villain out of one of the main plot points in the books. Say hello to The Appleman. (Apple-Man? Apple Man? Fuck it, I’m going with the first one from now on)

Instead of having the virus mutate mysteriously and having the main characters constantly hypothesize what’s going to happen next, the TV show made a main villain who constantly reinvents new strains of virus in a laboratory that he set up in an abandoned refinery.

What then happens is a basic plot set-up that the show follows pretty consistently in every episode. The family is trying to do something, we get the theme for the episode, and The Appleman, who is a spiteful bastard who is trying to ruin this one family in particular (and I’ll get to that), decides to make a virus that will infect the theme of that episode.

Pretty standard cartoon stuff, right? Ah, but then you don’t realize the beauty of this show. But first, I gotta introduce the main stars of this show.

The Characters

(quick note: this bus is incredibly important to the plot, but only in the books)

First we have Rory (the boy holding up the tin) and Dawn (the mad red head).

Dawn is the step-sister who lost her mom, a bus driver, in a gruesome bus accident, Rory is the step-brother whose parents got a divorce and then his dad went missing, believed to have run away from his whole family. Both of them are meant to be the dual protagonists, but I feel that there’s just a tiny bit more focus on Rory. There’s a reason for this that I will mention later.

What is interesting to note is that they make Rory the smart, non-athletic little nerd that gets picked on a lot at school for being a dork while Dawn loves sports, is failing science, gets made fun of for not being as girly as the other girls in her class, and likes violent computer games. I wouldn’t exactly call them “fleshed out” but they did enough to make these kids feel like actual kids.

Also, they fight. Constantly. This is the main complaint of anyone who actually looks into this show judging by my brief skimming of Internet comments because these two constantly bicker and insult each other and that makes up like 40% of the dialogue in any given episode. While this is one of the main story conflicts and they’re like this in the books too, it just feels super exhausting to see these two constantly at each other’s throats in every single episode.

They get mean too. Which, surprisingly, makes them both more realistic (I babysat multiple times and kids can be pretty verbally awful to each other) while also making them just a tiny bit unbearable at times. Here’s some actual dialogue.

"My dad sent it to me!" "Gee, he must think a lot of you to send you a doll full of worms." "Your mum thought so much of you she drove this bus over a cliff and into the river to get away from you."

GEEZ, guys...

Eileen, Rory’s mom.

It feels out of the three adults in the family, she gets the least amount of character development, but she does get a fair amount of screentime, so you can’t really say they’re intentionally ignoring her. She divorced her previous husband and works as a mail courier. Instead of owning a car, she drives a motorcycle, and, in the first episode, even drives it to her own wedding while dressed in a bridal gown. Rory’s mom rules.

She tries to bond with Dawn because she always wanted to raise a daughter, but Dawn clearly doesn’t like her new stepmom very much. Dawn is also afraid of the motorcycle and it comes up a couple times in the show.

Eileen is the adult that gets targeted the least by The Appleman’s schemes. There’s a very pointed reason for this, and I swear, I’m getting to it soon.

(quick note: yes, the show uses real photos to put in picture frames in the backgrounds and it’s real weird and never addressed)

Jack, Dawn’s dad.

Jack is a sheep shearer, just like in the books, and he’s a big easy-going dope that is hard not to love. Look at him hammer in this carpet. A true champ.

Out of the three adults in the family, he seems to be the one that nearly dies the most, with The Appleman going out of his way to specifically target Jack in some episodes. If you know Appleman’s backstory, this reads as absolutely petty spite and I love every minute of it.

Gramps, Dawn’s grandfather and Jack’s dad.

He’s an aging WWII veteran (one that has killed people in combat no less) who radiates constant Boomer vibes and, unlike Eileen and Jack, he actually sees some of the crazy shit that happens and will sometimes sense when something is infected with virus when the other two adults can’t.

In the books, he’s suffering pretty badly from dementia, but thankfully the cartoons drop that completely. I’m glad too, because I don’t have the confidence that they would’ve written it with enough sophistication to make it not seem ableist. Instead, he’s just your typical kooky cartoon grandfather.

He’s probably the adult that gets the most screentime because he will actually help Dawn and Rory out. Again, this ties into the books, where he was the main adult ally for the kids.

He says a lot of army-themed catchphrases. It’s a tad overplayed but it never really gets to a point where I would call it “annoying”. Also, instead of living in the house, he lives in a tiny granny flat on the property. Sometimes Rory spends the night there.

Last but not least, we have the star of the show, and the reason why the easiest way to find information of this show is to google “Wicked The Appleman”.

The Appleman, as explained, is the main villain of the story. Dressed in a very fancy suit complete with dress shoes and a nice blue tie, he lives in an old refinery full of rats, bats, and giant worms (called Slobberers), and he’s rocking a voice that can be best described as “Australian Mark Hamil” with an absolutely heavenly evil laugh. He has gross clawed hands, a rotten apple for a head, and likes making people miserable, because he’s basically the living puppet for a virus that feeds off of negative emotions. The main goal of each episode is to either defeat him or to stop the mess he’s made. Usually both.

Since all of his minions are non-sentient animals, a lot of his dialogue is him lurking behind something while he monologues to himself, sometimes turning it into a creepy little rhyme. He’s a pretty lonely guy, so him hanging out with this family can be seen as a very non-subtle cry for help.

The best episodes are the ones where he tries to lurk about in public with a very poor attempt at disguising his hideous features. Somehow it always works, you know, despite the fact that he has yellow eyes, the skin like a moldy apple, and no ears.

What Makes Wicked! Unique

(no, The Appleman doesn’t actually use that axe)

The first thing this show does that most of the formulaic shows don’t do is that it does, in fact, have a beginning, a middle, and an end. That’s why this show was packaged into a full-length movie - you can glue scenes together and actually make a pretty decent narrative, even if the resulting movie definitely had a “glued together TV show episodes” feel ala some of the bad Disney sequels like Cinderella II and Atlantis II. 

This show even has some plot-heavy episodes that dive into just why this whole Appleman situation is going on and why he seems to have it out for this one family in order to flesh out the characters more.

Because that’s a thing that this show does. The Appleman is a cartoon-y villain who cackles in his lab and constantly invents new strains of viruses that can mutate things like animals and household appliances, but he doesn’t do it to take over the city or to “destroy the world”. He does it purely to inconvenience this one Australian family, who he stalks pretty regularly. This is a thing that comes from the books and honestly, it’s a thing that elevates Appleman from “ugly-looking cartoon villain” to “pretty damn creepy, if also still cartoony in execution”.

Sure, a lot of cartoon villains target the main protagonist in their evil schemes, but this one is definitely more personal.

He regularly follows Rory and Dawn to school and, when the family goes on a camping trip, he comes too. If Rory decides he’s going to hang out in the wrecker’s yard, The Appleman will be cackling and hiding behind totaled vehicles. If Gramps takes the kids out to the bay to go fishing, The Appleman will pull an ice cream truck out of his garage and follow them there. That’s how the main conflict is really set up.

I think if a scarier cartoon tried, they’d make him out to be this grotesque stalker, but instead, since this show is kinda goofy in execution, he’s like the shittiest cryptid in the world, constantly crouching behind trash cans and on top of rooftops while constantly cackling about how clever he is and how, miraculously, no one notices anything’s amiss.

This alone would make this villain interesting, but then they set up something about this show at the beginning if you watch the intro and the first episode and put two and two together.

Right from the start, the opening shows that The Appleman was once human by depicting his transformation by the virus. They don’t even try and pretend that he’s some demon or some sort of supernatural monster - he’s specifically a blue collar worker who had a nasty run-in with fate and mutated into this hideous apple-headed creature that now has to hide out in an abandoned refinery. You see why he’s dressed like that - he’s still wearing his work uniform.

Right after you watch that intro, the first episode of the show has Rory receiving a mysterious package from his father on the day of his mother’s wedding. It’s the first time that Rory and his mom Eileen have heard from their dad after he mysteriously vanished years ago. 

What’s inside? An apple-headed doll, which contains the first virus-infected monsters, The Slobberers.

When The Appleman makes his first dramatic appearance, he never says Dawn’s name, but he does know Rory’s name.

And, in case you didn’t pick up the hints from the first episode, the fourth episode really drives it home without spelling it out. Then the last episode of the series decides to say it out loud.

That’s right. Rory’s father, the man who mysteriously vanished from Eileen and Rory’s lives, is still an important part of the cartoon’s storyline, but instead of being the man who appears in the last book that knows how to cure the virus while also being the first victim of the virus, he’s the main antagonist.

The Appleman is Rory’s father.

And honestly, because of this little plot point, this show becomes a much richer experience once you look at the unhinged appleman who keeps unleashing horror on these kids and realize that he’s a divorced dad who constantly keeps tabs on his ex-wife's unstable dysfunctional family in order to make them more pissed at each other because that feeds the virus that mutated him.

This is a very cool concept. This is where Wicked! shines when, for all intents and purposes, it is otherwise a pretty average turn-of-the-century Australian cartoon that can be best described as “it’s okay, I guess” in terms of quality.

Because that’s really the rating I can give this show. It’s Okay.

It’s a very solid Okay, but I think any adjective more powerful than “Okay” is really pushing it. It’s not Great, it’s not Amazing. It’s Okay. Alright. Kinda Good.

But man, is it a wild ride.

Next time, I’m going to start discussing the actual episodes as well as this show’s pros and cons. Dividing this up into multiple parts partly because I feel like these things are more easily digested in smaller chunks and partly because I’m pretty sure tumblr now has a size limit on posts soooo...yeah.

Follow this handy link for Part 2 - The Actual Review!

[duhliriouss]

A Pawn & A King Chapter Three

If you haven’t already, please read the previous chapters listed below before continuing:

Prologue * Chapter One * Chapter two

A/N: Hello everyone! It’s finally out! Yay! I also started to make my own gifs. The one you see above is the day Arthur meets Sophie. I am following the timeline of the movie to match my story. So this gif is the same day that goes with the beginning of this chapter. I will be doing this for all future chapters. I believe it will really set the mood for what’s going on! Enjoy ❣️

Story Summary: Y/N had lived her whole life in Gotham being unappreciated and disgaurded. With no family and an abusive roommate to rely on, Y/N doesn’t have much of a choice to resign anywhere else in the city. Yet she keeps on giving naively until her decent into madness and her meeting of the Joker.

Chapter Summary: Y/N finally escapes her apartment to go out for coffee with Arthur. They learn more about each other in a rather different approach.

Beta Reader: @pcrushinnerd , you did a great job on proof reading this. Thank you so much ❣️

Warnings: mentions of assault and self harm, Family Trauma, swearing, so much FLUFF but contains quite a bit of angst.

Word Count: 3,733

Chapter Three:

The air hung heavy with the thrill on your rash decision that transpired just seconds ago. Arthur had left right after your phone call to come get you so you didn’t have to walk alone to…well, wherever he was taking you….

 Coffee

 Though he never said where. The flashes of excitement that coiled throughout your body made you not mind so much. You put out your cigarette in the fake crystal ash tray on the nightstand and placed the phone back on the wall. You stood up, the sun sinking past the window with golden shades of yellow dancing across the bedroom, instantly making your way over to the rickety sliding doors of the closet to pick out what you were going to wear. You were still wearing your work pants and just a bra. 

 You desperately started to go through your cheap selection of clothes, moving the hangers frantically. Your eyes lingered hesitantly on a dark blue ruffled halter dress with long sleeves that exposed your upper chest and shoulders; It was cute, simple enough to save your innocence. You took it off the pole, tossing it on the bed before discarding what you had left on. You quickly got dressed then rushed to the bathroom to wash your face and touch up your hair. Your old makeup from the day now washed off, you looked back in the smashed mirror to take in the bruises that had darkened around your face. You could still hear the broken glass--but this time it was a melody of shards to the already formed scar on your damaged hand. 

 It was hard to shake off this feeling. It was hard to forget and pretend like this wasn’t hurting you so deeply within. You could handle bruises. You could handle scars. But you were beaten. Discarded… Forgotten. And you only answered by beating, discarding and forgetting yourself. You took a deep breath to release your disturbed thoughts, reaching out to your box of makeup. You covered everything you could. Still staying with the unusual dark purple eyeshadow to blend in with your bruised eye. 

 Knock knock knock 

 Blood rushed to your ears. 

 “Coming!”

 He was finally here. And you were going to do this. You took one final approving look in the shards of your reflection before running to grab everything you could for your date. 

 Was it even considered a date? You weren’t sure if Arthur was even attracted to you. 

 Maybe he’s just wanting to get to know me and be friends because we run into each other so often? 

 Your insecurities were getting the best of you as you struggled to make sure you had everything you needed before leaving the apartment. 

 You shut off the radio that still played on the floor and grabbed your usual black coat and purse. You were getting nervous now by the second. You took a deep breath then opened the door…and there he was. His gaze went up to you as the door opened. He watched as you stood there frozen and out of breath for just a second with your hand still on the side of the frame. He was wearing his tan jacket with his hair slicked back again like it was when you saw him at your appointment. You noticed he was staring back at you without saying anything, which forced you to be the first to speak as you came back to your senses. 

 “Hi….” Your voice was barley a whisper. 

 “Hi…you um - you look wonderful, are you ready?” 

 You let out a nervous laugh 

 “Thank you…um…yes I am” 

 The building suddenly felt quieter. Only then could you hear the soft commotion throughout the building. People walking up the metal stairs far down the hall, a door opening probably on the floor below. You were both so nervous and it was incredibly obvious between the two of you. Blood rushed to your rosy cheeks; you were clearly unsure on what to do or say next. This oddly made Arthur more calm however. 

 You were thankful as Arthur took the lead, reaching out his bent arm, displaying a warm crooked smile. You hesitantly reached with your left arm, intertwining it with his own. You looked up with a timid smile, a slight nod of your head before turning and using your free hand to close and lock the door. Arthur led you down the hallway in silence as you pondered on what to say next. 

 “So…Arthur, where are you taking me tonight?” You looked up at him as you spoke, taking in his side profile as you both stopped at the elevator door. He looked down at you now with the same smile as you pressed the elevator button. 

 “I thought we agreed on coffee?”

 A small giggle left your lips. “Well of course, I knew that! I meant like…where?” 

 “Oh, sorry.” His free hand dug into his silky brown locks along with a nervous laugh. “I was thinking we could go to this place called Jittery Joe’s. It’s right down the block. It’s actually right in the middle of both of our apartment buildings.” 

 “Oh yeah I walk by it a lot but I’ve never went in. Sounds nice.” 

 Sounds nice? Come on Y/N get it together…. 

 “Yeah, it is nice actually. I think you will really like it.”

  Your heart fluttered to his words as you watched his smile grow a tad more confident as he began to nod his head adorably in agreement. The elevator finally halted to the main floor. Your arms were still entangled as the each of you rhythmically stepped out of the elevator doors into the main lobby. You took this time to dig into your coat pockets with your free hand to grab your cigarettes. You couldn’t feel them as you let go of Arthur, excessively padding all over to see where they were. 

 “ Hold on! Shit, I think I forgot my cigarettes! “

 All you could hear was Arthur’s giggles as you continued your search through your bag now. Digging past crippled up receipts, quarters, pens and chapsticks. You halted when you heard the sound of a lighter flicking. You turned to face Arthur who still giggled at your ditziness only to find him lighting his own cigarette, passing it over to you. 

 “Here. Take this one.”

 “Thank you….”

 You reached up gently to pinch the end of the cigarette, accidentally brushing his fingers before bringing it to your parted lips. You blushed to the slight contact as you took your inhale. You actually blushed even more when you noticed Arthur didn’t take his eyes off you while you took your drag. You looked back down at the cigarette as you pulled it away from your lips, fidgeting it in your fingers in attempt to try and hide the heat that you felt hit your cheeks. 

 “Winstons…my father used to smoke these.” 

 “Yeah? Did he quit?” 

 “Who knows….”

 “Oh.” 

 You looked back up to find Arthur looking back down at you thoughtfully. His warm green oceans studied yours as his mind wandered to how else he could relate to you. The only thing he wanted to know in this short moment was how many other things there was that you both shared. 

 Is she more like me than I had first anticipated?

 His beautiful smile made your breath catch in your throat. You could see that his mind was pondering about something as his eyes held a twinkled dew in them, looking in at your own. You were close enough again to see how the crows feet beside his eyes returned for you, yet you were still embarrassed by the fact you accidentally moved the conversation into something that was probably too soon to talk about. Besides, you still didn’t really know each other too well….

 It was clearly not something you were comfortable yet speaking about so you quickly cleared your throat, looking back down at the cigarette in between your fingers as you shuffled your feet to try and change the subject. Arthur took the hint and entwined his arm with yours again to encourage the both of you to begin walking again. You accepted his respectful gesture gratefully. You needed fresh air at this point anyway.

 You both walked again in comforting silence. It was almost dark now outside and the chilling breeze felt good on your skin at first, but it was still raining from the night before. You reached into your bag and pulled out a black umbrella that you had stolen from Harvie since you didn’t own one.

 “Let me?” Arthur’s voice cracked as he used his free hand to place his cigarette between his lips to reach over for the umbrella. 

 “Sure, thank you.” 

 You smiled bashfully as you handed the umbrella over to him. Your smile then turned into giggles as you watched Arthur begin to struggle to find the button to pop it open.

 “It’s right here….” 

 You placed your hand boldly over his then guided his fingers to where the button was. Arthur instantly moved his gaze from your hand, to you. You didn’t notice until you realized he wasn’t pressing the button even though it was placed in perfect position. You looked back up at him only to find him staring right at you. His smile grew almost into a smirk. You smiled back. Your eyes locked for what felt like minutes, letting the raindrops engulf the both of you. 

 Say something, anything. You haven’t spoke in so long why are you being so shy now! 

 Arthur watched as you struggled beneath his gaze. He watched as your little nose scrunched up and your eyebrows furrowed together tightly. He huffed out a laugh at your adorable timidness. It was strangely making him more and more confident and he loved it. It was so very new to him. 

 Why is he laughing at me? 

 “Why are laughing?” you asked quietly, clearly afraid that you have done something stupid. 

 “You don’t even have to say anything to be so…” irresistible, he thought “…fascinating.” 

 The flowery shade on your cheeks grew brighter and before you could say anything else, Arthur turned and clicked the button on the umbrella, making you jump slightly in response. You both giggled as he covered the both of you from the rain and continued your walk to the coffee shop. 

You leaned in to each other tightly for the rest of the walk. Making small talk but mainly strolling quietly, listening to the sirens and dog barks from the other apartments you passed. 

 The door jingled as Arthur let you go In first. He flicked his cigarette to the ground and closed the umbrella before following behind you, keeping tabs on every detail of your body language. 

 Jittery Joe’s was a small restaurant; serving comfort food, baked goods and essentially coffee. From the outside you couldn’t tell, but It was designed almost like you were walking into a more opened up bus. Definitely car themed which was hard to tell with all the Thomas Wayne posters and newsletter fliers everywhere. Dark red stools which looked like they used to be bright and flashy at one point scattered in a line in front of the main counter.

 Arthur half skipped to pull out a seat for you, opening his palms to take your coat and purse. You handed your items over to him and took a seat. Music played quietly in the background mixed with clattering mugs and plates. 

 Arthur took his seat next to you, raising his hand anxiously to get the attention of the waitress behind the counter. She came over with an annoyed sigh. Arthur turned to you in a polite manner to signal you to order first. 

 “Hi. Could I just get a regular coffee? A little cream and sugar, please,” you asked politely 

 “And you…Arthur?” The waitress asked impatiently. 

 “The usual, please.” 

 “I see a lot of people in my day, I don’t have time to remember your ‘usual,’” she almost spat. You instantly snapped your head up to the waitress in astonishment. You looked over to Arthur who didn’t really seem bothered by the absolute disrespect she was giving him. 

 He cleared his throat. “Sorry ma’am--black with lots of sugar.” He kept his eyes down as he spoke. 

 Without another word she turned around to go make your coffees. You watched in disgust until she was out of sight in the back kitchens. 

 “Wow, that was insanely rude,” you said gently to Arthur, twisting the stool to face him, your knees slightly touching his as he turned to face you as well. He still kept his gaze down. 

 “I’ve seen worse. I wouldn’t worry about it “ 

 Your lips and eyebrows sunk downwards more. Was he treated this way a lot? You have heard some of his stories when you had group sessions in Arkham State Hospital years ago. So it made sense why he would feel this way at this point. 

 His attention was now focused on pulling his pack of cigarettes out of his tan coat pocket again. You subconsciously took this secret opportunity to stare at him. His hair wasn’t as slicked back anymore. You were both still wet from standing in the rain so little strands of his hair trickled down his face with little beads of water at the tips. Your (y/h/c) hair did the same but clung to your face a little. 

 He finally looked up at you with a slight, tilted smirk. He knew you were watching him with a rambling mind. It was obvious by the fact you never responded to him. You realized this as he reached his pack over to you with a Winston pulled slightly out for you to grab. You swallowed hard, feeling caught in the act as you reached over and grabbed the cigarette. 

 “Thank you…” you mumbled as you placed it between your lips. 

 Arthur reached over again to light it for you. 

 “You’re welcome,” he cooed. 

                 -Background Music-

( Everybody Plays the Fool - The Main Ingredient )

  It was silent except for the music that played in the background as the waitress finally came over with your coffees and placed them down. You didn’t bother to even look at her but watched as Arthur gave her an awkward smile with a whispered thanks. You smiled at that. You both sipped your coffees in sync, still silent besides the music that you tapped your foot to:

 Falling in love is such an easy thing to do

 Your eyes kept locked as you took your sips. Placing your mugs on the counter in unison. You didn’t know what was going on. But there was this electricity in the air that was about to bite any second. You both took another drag from your cigarettes. 

 How can you help it when the music starts to play 

 And your ability to reason is swept away

 Arthur’s gaze went down to your tapping foot. He tapped the rim of his mug with his fingers to the beat. He looked like he was thinking deeply before he started to huff out a small laugh.

 “What’s so funny?”

 “Nothing. It’s probably stupid….”

 You straightened yourself out, looking more deeply into his dilated pupils. “Say it.” 

 “Do you want to dance?”

 “In a coffee shop?”

 “Yeah, I know. It was stupid, forget I asked….”

 You looked up over Arthur’s shoulder to take in your surroundings. You were the only two customers in the building. Your eyes flicked over to the waitress who was leaned against the counter, distracted with headphones on her head which were connected to a Walkman. You usually would be too embarrassed to do such a thing in public. You couldn’t tell what it was, but something was making you feel very audacious. 

Was it Arthur’s energy? Your past few days causing you to lash out in an unusual way? 

 Your eyes flicked back to Arthur. 

 “I would love to.”

 Arthur’s head snapped up to meet your gaze. His lips parted slightly in bewilderment, quickly turning into a wide smile. He tossed his cigarette into his coffee, letting out a few more excited laughs, nodding his head as he stood up straight, his arms stick straight. He got up so fast that the stool almost toppled over. He quickly grabbed it and fixed, pushing it in then turning back to you; who was still sitting. He was nervous. And so were you. 

 He shakily reached his arm out for you to grab. You couldn’t stop smiling as you took a deep breath and grabbed his hand. This was your first time dancing with somebody. And unbeknownst to you, his first time as well…other than with his Mother, of course.

 He pulled you up swiftly and started to walk backwards, leading you to the middle of the restaurant. As you got into position, looking in each other in the eyes, the song ended. 

 You both looked down and began to laugh. Hands still clasped together. You looked up again at each other, both with tears in your eyes from laughing so hard. 

 “We’re not very good at this, clearly,” you said between your giggles. 

 “I have an idea,” Arthur quickly announced before turning around and walking over to the jukebox that sat in the far right corner of the small restaurant. He pulled out a few quarters and placed them in the machine. He replayed the same song. He turned around and shed his coat, tossing it on the counter. This caught the waitress’s attention finally. She watched as Arthur strolled gracefully over to you in just his gray vest and dark tan jeans, taking your hands again. 

 You looked over and watched as she rolled her eyes and took her leave to the back kitchens. 

You focused back on each other now. You felt frozen. Your feet felt glued to the floor as you kept your eyes on Arthur’s. He sensed your insecurities. 

 “Just relax. I’m a good dancer you know.” 

 “Oh really?” you couldn’t stop giggling for the life of you. “Why the same song?”

 “Dancing with you to this song is all I was thinking about. I wanna make sure it happens…” his voice sounded dead tone serious but his smile was still so giddy, matching your own. 

 There was space between the both of you, enough to fit another person. He gripped both of your hands steadily and began to move your arms in and out, bringing you into a rhythm, then moving side to side, dipping your bodies left to right. Your legs finally began to move to match his own. It was slow at first. He finally brought you in, your chests against each other. One arm bent together and the other stretched out with his to the side, dipping up and down. He twisted you then spun you, letting go of your left hand then bringing it back again. Your pace began to quicken. Your laughs grew louder. 

 He twisted and spun you again, creating a routine. But before you knew it you were dipped, letting your wet (y/h/c) brushing against the dirty floor. You both laughed even louder as he brought you up again and spun you around, bringing your back against his chest and swaying you back and forth.

 It definitely wasn’t a graceful song to dance to. But that’s what made it so hilarious. He was still behind you as his hands moved to the backs of your arms, taking control of them and pulling them from side to side. 

 He used every quirky move he could just to hear the sweet sounds of your laughter filling this dreary restaurant. You’ve never seen Arthur act so goofy. You didn’t even know he had this side to him. You’ve never felt so alive. Nothing mattered right now. Your past, your future, your surroundings were completely irrelevant in this moment.

 Your back still stayed against his chest. You leaned your head back against his shoulder, keeping your eyes closed as the music started to die out, letting both of your laughter die down as well. Arthur still swayed a little with you as he took this time to look down at you. He was so close to you and he couldn’t believe it. This was the closest he’s ever seen your delicate skin, every feature of your dimples, the little baby hairs on your cheeks. 

 He looked even deeper to the maroon lipstick on your lips. He dragged his eyes up slowly until they reached your closed eyelids. Your dark eyelashes were a blanket over your darkened bags, still fluttered shut as you hummed against his chest. He stared at the bags under your eyes even closer. It looked strange to him.. like makeup? 

 He studied all over your eyes now at the dark purple eye shadow. The rain must have washed a lot of the eye makeup off. His eyes flickered all over your face now as he began to realize they were bruises, lots of them. It was not just makeup. 

 His muscles tensed as he leaned forward more to look at your bare chest since you were wearing the halter dress. His eyes fell to the multiple other bruises that littered your collarbones. 

 How could I not have noticed? he thought 

 “Y/N,” his voice was stern

 “Yes?” you answered gingerly, keeping your eyes closed. You were completely oblivious, still lost in the moment. 

 “Y/N, please stop and look at me.” You felt the air change immediately. The chill In his voice causing you to finally snap your eyes open. You brought your head back up and turned around to face him. 

 “Arthur... what’s wrong? Was it something I di—”

 “Are you safe at home? “ he interrupted you

“What?” 

“Just please.. answer me honestly, it’s okay. I promise. Now tell me…please, did somebody hurt you?”

“Yes….” 

 “Who was it?”

“...It was Harvie. And myself….” 

[selfships-in-spanish]

I’m about to be horny on main for a sec and say for magic world au the boys doing some magicky stuff during sex to make it that much better is so hot to me

OKAY, YOU AND FILTH ANON HAD THE SAME HORNY BRAINCELL AND SENT ME ASKS ABOUT MAGIC AU. LOOK.

FILTH ANON 🍆 WAS BROWSING TODAY. I noticed there’s no filth for the Magic au. Allow me to fix this mistake. Our favorite wizards going at it with Ona and they decide to throw some magic in the mix. As in, using magic for bondage, making her more sensitive to touch, etc. all up to you B)

jsdfalskfskl THANK YOU HAHAHAH

But true! It’s true we didn’t have any smut for the Magic World!AU 👀 So I really had to remedy this situation…

I may confess that between the whole confinement in Spain and the uncertainty of employment (I was changing jobs and then we were all hit by this :_D) I’m a bit in a rut, and well, Animal Crossing came out, sooo… (If you wanna play, send me a DM!!)

But have some mischievous wizard boys having fun with our darling girl B)

As always, a million thanks to @tinmiss1939 for being an amazing friend and fixing the mistakes!! :DDDDDD Go follow her, she deserves all the love

Connor and Richard concluded the conservatory had a special magic in it. It couldn’t be another way, some ancestral magic or unknown spell, but they always found themselves drawn inside, lured by the calmness, the beauty of it. The fact that they enchanted it themselves to appear bigger on the inside than on the outside had nothing to do with it.

Well, maybe because of who was taking good care of it.

Since being under her care, the conservatory regained its lost majesticness: the plants grew under her touch, flowers bloomed, life found itself in what once was a gloomy and decadent place… They couldn’t thank Merlin enough for the day they bumped into each other.

But the conservatory certainly had its magic. 

It was a sunny day, and Richard enjoyed reading a book inside the conservatory with the sun rays warming his skin. The cushions were Ona’s making, rummaging through old closets and discarded pieces of fabric that were repurposed to be beautiful and plush pillows and cushions. It made the bench comfortable, so much that it made him fall asleep more than once, gaining himself a snicker and a nickname from Ona, something along the lines of ‘sleeping beauty’. But Richard didn’t know if it was because of the sun, warming him and his veins, or the sweet and fresh scent of the wisterias and sweet peas in full bloom, or the soft and gentle humming of her voice as she worked, that made him stand up and walk over the talented gardener.

Ona didn’t notice his presence, too absorbed into her work (and Richard was too silent, which scared her more than once), so Richard took that opportunity to admire the most beautiful flower in the entire conservatory. Her snow-white curls were everywhere, and Richard noticed she used her adorable hairpins to take some strands out of her face. Ona had her gloves full of rich and healthy soil, and judging by the smudges in her arms and face, she didn’t remember to take the gloves off anytime she had to scratch and itch. She finished tying a little rope to a stick to help a plant heal and grow after being accidentally stepped on by Connor. Once done, Ona stood up, wiping off the sweat of her forehead with the reverse of her gloved hand. She shouted all kind of colourful curses when she saw Richard next to the massive grown rose bushes, book in hand. As usual, Richard startled her by his silent presence.

Richard apologised, walking over her with a small smile on his lips.

“Aren’t you in a good mood today, you sneaky ninja-wizard?” ah, that was another nickname.

“Maybe I am.”

“Huh.” Ona rested her hands on her hips, brow raised and curious as to why. He could be moody sometimes, so this happier mood was hard to see.

Richard’s eyes rested on a smudge over her nose, following down her cheek. He smiled fondly this time, walking over where she stood with his book secured in his hand. Ona narrowed her eyes, but curiosity made her stand her ground. 

“You got something here.” Richard lifted his hand, thumb gently cleaning the soil on her face. Ona held her breath, completely taken aback by his actions. Did he smell the enchanted roses? “I should enchant your gloves so you don’t smear dirt all over yourself.” Ona heard the teasing note in his voice.

He did not take his hand away.

“Where would the fun be at, then?” Ona’s own voice felt a tad breathless.

“True.”

His thumb was caressing her cheek.

Ona never knew what compelled her to stand still, to get lost in his blue eyes as his fingers moved over her jaw, gently brushing them against her skin until he lifted her chin. Ona could not deny the magnetic pull she felt towards the two wizards, how she would notice the longing looks, the excuses to touch her hands, to be close to her as the time that Connor said she had a bug in her hair and–

And Richard was inching closer.

His thumb brushed her bottom lip, marvelling at how soft it was. His eyes were a calm and peaceful sea. Ona closed hers.

It was a chaste kiss at first, his lips pressing into hers as he enjoyed the feeling and sweetness of the act, but after months of pining after her, nights where he wanted her by his side, their side, to see her curls on their pillows and sheets tangled around them… The need for more clawed its way up, making Richard drop his book to the floor with a thud, not giving a single damn about it, because it was more important to wrap his arm around her waist, the other hand freeing her chin to curl it on her nape, pulling her in and deepening the kiss.

Her sweet moans and whimpers spurred him on. Her arms wrapping around his neck to have something to hold onto fed the flames inside of him.

It wasn’t until they both needed to breathe that they pulled away, but not with Ona chasing Richard’s lips which made the wizard chuckle softly. He rested his forehead on hers.

“You have bewitched us, body and soul.”

Ona let out a small and soft laugh, teasing him for being such a hopeless romantic. She didn’t complain, though. It was… nice. Richard’s gentle smile made her heart jump. Such a beautiful smile had been seen by a very select few.

That kiss opened the gates towards a new relationship between the wizards and the non-gifted. Everything changed. Ona didn’t feel alone at night anymore.

But she never suspected what an appetite both wizards would have. They had endured months of finding relief only with their dreams (and their own hands) while the object of their desire was unaware of their feelings.  Now that their love was returned, they never wanted to leave the house or even their rooms;  the wizards would summon up food and water, waving their hands for clean bedsheets and instantly ready baths.

Ona also didn’t know how absolutely creative they could be in bed.

And how devious they could be outside of bed.

That’s how she found herself one day inside the conservatory, re-soiling on her workbench a little plant that withered on the past few days. A tickling sensation started over her nape, sending a full-body shiver down her body. It went away. Ona turned around, frowning. It must have been the wind from an open window.

But the tickling returned, now brushing slowly down her spine. Her back arched, breath catching in her throat.  It went away again. Ona let out a shaky breath, having an idea of who may be behind this. But she let herself play into their game. The phantom touch returned once again, this time joined by another one. The invisible hands brushed up her thighs, going up her sides and slowly wrapping around her body like serpents. They squeezed her lightly, making her drop her tools on the table as she gasped loudly. It was a pleasant feeling, a secure sensation, so she let herself be engulfed by it. 

A pair of hands joined the ones already playing with her body. It made Ona’s breath stutter, feeling how it teased her on her inner thighs, brushing her hip bones and going up her torso, pointedly avoiding her breasts. The other pair continued to sneak around, to further wrap themselves around her body, now going after her thighs and squeezing. Ona gasped again, having an idea of who might be behind those particular phantom hands. The first touch was a teasing, playful touch, liking to drive her up the wall to then abruptly stop, leaving her on the edge. Much like Connor. She felt her lips tug into a smile; the game was probably his idea too.

The second pair of hands brushed her neck, going up in soft caresses until they reached her jaw, feeling how they gently cupped her face. It was sweet, tender, verging on intimate, and she knew Richard was behind those. The hands moved again, feeling a thumb on her bottom lip, caressing her slowly until it shyly made its way inside. Ona groaned, feeling a slight pressure on her tongue, and she eagerly opened up more to wrap her lips around the invisible fingers.

Connor’s invisible hands, because now it was obvious who was who, trailed up her inner thighs again, squeezing her flesh until they reached between her legs. Ona felt herself clench in anticipation, but she didn’t know Connor was in an even more mischievous mood  than usual. The fingertips almost brushed her lips, but chose to stay out of them. Ona tried to rock her hips, to get those fingers in her folds, but the invisible hold on her kept her from doing that. She growled in frustration, lightly biting the fingers in her mouth. Her rebelliousness was met with a light but sharp slap on her ass, making her jerk forward and moan around the fingers in her mouth. The invisible hands let her fall forward on the workbench, feeling them relax in her torso but tighten around her hips and legs, making her arch her back and brace herself for what was to come. 

A cold and slippery sensation found itself trailing up her inner thigh. Ona gasped, unconsciously trying to turn around to see, even though she knew nobody was there, but the hands on her mouth and jaw kept her where she was. It felt as if it was a tongue, the tip drawing random patterns on her skin, leaving a cold and wet sensation on its path, and Ona also had an idea of whose tongue it was. It went from leg to leg, going up, almost touching her soaked folds… only to disappear.

Ona was going to strangle Connor.

Now there was a hot and slippery sensation, going from her neck to her collarbones. It gently swept over her skin, raising goosebumps all over her body. The cold tongue returned, working in tandem with the hot one, making its way up her body, passing over her navel, working up until it reached her breasts. The tip wrapped itself around the right nipple, the coldness making it harden instantly, and eliciting a moan from her. The hands on her hips finally, finally, moved between her folds. Fingers ran up and down, teasing her slippery nub, and Ona felt herself clench once again. The cold tongue left her nipple, going to torment the left one. This time, though, the hot tongue decided to latch onto the right nipple, occupying the now vacant space. Ona thrashed in her bonds, arousal striking her like lightning. It was a maddening sensation, to be teased like this, and being unable to take matters into her own hands. Ona knew the wizards liked the power, liked to be the commanding ones, and as much as she liked to be in their hands and at mercy in situations as this, one day she was going to turn the tables and make them beg.

But that was for another day.  Today was absolutely not going to be that day.

For now, she was going to be teased into incoherency by wandering hands and devilish tongues.

The hand in her mouth disappeared, moving to join its sister on spreading her buttocks. The tongues disappeared too, and she felt the thrill of their unknown location go straight into her core. The fingers in her folds became bolder, teasing her hole before they delved in. In and out, in a scissoring motion, until they curled into a spot that made Ona moan unabashedly. The hands spreading her buttocks made her feel exposed, even though she was still fully clothed, and it send a wave of arousal through her. And then she felt it.

The hot and cold sensation came back, the hot swiping up, teasing her holes, and the cold swiping to her clit. Ona moaned with wild abandon, and she didn’t know which direction should she rock her hips. It was either into the motion of the hand or of the tongues. They decided for her, the invisible bonds holding her into place as they increased the intensity of their onslaught. Ona held onto the workbench edges for dear life, unconsciously arching her back further to make those fingers brush that particular spot again and again.

Ona knew her mewls echoed around the conservatory but she honestly didn’t give a single damn about it. It was only her and the wizards at home, and they were the horny little shits behind this, so they better heard her. She got her answer when the cold tongue stuttered into its ministrations, knowing Connor was losing his precious concentration. It seemed they were pretty close. Good.

Pure, unadulterated filth came out of her mouth. Begging, moaning, panting… everything she knew that made them both mount her like wild beasts on a rut. Ona grinned, knowing she accomplished her mission when Connor became more determined with his fingers and tongue. He pulled up his own tricks, and it was Ona’s turn to curse his clever tongue.

She was close. So close. Ona felt her orgasm creep up to her, the molten lava in her loins threatening to spill all over her body. 

It was Richard who propelled her into it, getting his hot tongue inside her soaked hole alongside Connor’s fingers. Her body became completely still as she let the waves after waves of pleasure engulf her entire body, a choked gasp coming out of her mouth.

If it wasn’t for their invisible bonds holding her in place, her knees might have given out.

A hand came up to her face, caressing her cheek and lowering to her chin, gently persuading her to turn her head in the direction it wanted. She saw the semi-materialised magic, as if it was an ethereal and swifty arrow pointing her to the direction she should go, to a path covered in beautifully grown monsteras, fiddle-leaf figs and hanging potuses. After taking a couple of breaths and discarding her gloves, she followed it, more caresses encouraging her. Her panties were sticky, she was sweaty and needed to take a nice and refreshing shower.

Ona recognised that path, knowing it led to a beautiful indoor pool next to the absolutely breathtaking bay windows with the sun coming through them.

Connor and Richard were inside, both having a drink in their hands. They were the perfect picture of power, of dominance and self-assuredness. Ona saw a magnificent wooden tray floating in the water with another untouched glass and an opened bottle of expensive wine. Connor took a sip, winking at her while doing so. Richard smiled softly at her, setting his own glass on the wooden tray.

“I’m sure we can tempt you to a nice and relaxing bath?” Richard’s purr made her sigh contentedly, nodding.

As she stepped closer to the pool’s edge, Ona could feel their magic unbutton her trousers and untie her boots, gently taking off her clothes, until she stood nude in front of them. She could feel the wizard’s hungry stares on her, beckoning to step into the warm pool’s water and join them.

Ona could already feel the warmth of the water soothe her aches away. As she approached them, the wizards sat up, Connor waving his hand so the untouched glass was filled for the newcomer. He took her hand, kissing it before pulling her to him. Ona fell into his arms, giggling.

“I take it you liked it, didn’t you?” Connor muttered the words  into her skin, his lips brushing against her neck. Ona’s pleased sigh made him smile.

“I don’t think I need to say it, considering how loud I was, but I may be inclined to stroke your ego a little bit.” Ona took her own glass of wine, letting the rich and deep flavour of it coat her tongue. It had been Connor’s time to pick, it seemed.

Connor chuckled, lightly biting her collarbone. Ona felt Richard move behind her, his fingers brushing away her curls to place a sweet kiss on her nape, slowly making his way to her right shoulder.

“There are more things we can try, if you’re amenable to it. For example, an invisibility spell in the park at a sunset picnic.” Richard’s hands slowly descended her sides, resting them on her hips. Ona’s eyes widened at the proposal.

“Are you suggesting public sex?!”

“I wasn’t, I was thinking something more along the idea of us being invisible and enjoying you, but now that you mention it…”

“Oh my God, you absolute menace.”

Richard chuckled into her skin, his hands descending until his fingertips reached her mound, deliberately teasing her.

“Let me persuade you into thinking about it, my dear, if you let me”.

Ona set the glass back on the wooden tray, knowing she would need her hands free to brace herself for what was about to happen. Completely in sync with each other, Richard let his fingers find her clit, while Connor busied himself into sucking her left nipple into his mouth.

If they persuaded her like that, she might say yes.

[universalfanfic]

*tears streaming down my face*

I ... did it. ... I wrote something. There is relief in my soul. 

Here is my continuation of @gracieinanovel‘s Wedding Planner AU, because I love it and I needed to join in. :) 

Cora belongs to her, of course. 

Sutton froze over the table, fingers reaching, and Cora wasn’t sure if the woman had meant to try and flee the room or attempt strangling her. Her face was blooming the most vibrant red, and it appeared it took some effort to remove her tongue from the roof of her mouth. 

“Steve!” Sutton finally managed to squeak. “Hi. I’m- I’m good. You? I mean, how have you been?”

“Good. Good.”

Cora almost felt bad about springing this on her. Almost. But if Sutton had gone the entirety of her Paris trip without contacting Steve, then this was on her. She obviously needed a push. 

Steve still looked morose and longing as he shifted further into the room. It must have still been raining, because he looked just as wet as Cora did coming in. 

“Perhaps Steve would like a drink?” Cora prompted. 

Sutton jumped at the direction and opportunity to have something to do. 

“Right; of course! I have some coffee. Coffee good?” 

There was a coffee pot behind the counter; it was still half full and probably should be either poured out or drank before it burned. 

“Do you want a sweet too,” she called out over pouring a mug. “I have a new cupcake-” 

“Oh, just coffee is fine. Thank you.”

Steve rubbed his hand through his wet hair and pulled a chair over to their table. Sutton’s expression flickered before settling back on a forced smile. 

“Ok.” 

Cora internally groaned. 

Watching them interact was like watching two junior highers dance around each other. She’d thought after Steve’s confession things would move forward between them, but Sutton’s doubts about his sincerity and then her internship felt like it’d dragged them three steps back again. 

But there was time for the both of them later. Cora reorganized the paperwork she’d brought and brushed a lock of hair behind her ear. This was still a business meeting, after all.

They ought to get something done.

Sutton sat awkwardly between Steve and Cora, unable to scoot her chair away from him without being obvious, and she passed over his mug as she cleared her throat. 

“So, you probably know who the wedding is for.”

“I might,” he said. “But I might have also signed a non-disclosure.”

Both Cora and Sutton groaned in response. 

“I suppose that just leaves us to figure out the details,” Cora relented. “So, which rooms will we be using, and what are our times?”

They discussed timing and plans and room ambiance. The wedding ceremony was going to be held on the main balcony overlooking the bay, with plenty of twinkling lights and foliage covering the space. The reception would be held in the estates most lavish room, fondly referred to as The Fondue Room due to the high rental costs. 

Eventually, one of them yawned and they noticed the time. The rain had pittered to a spitting mist and the moon rose higher. Sutton collected their empty mugs while Cora collected her files.

“Well, that’s more progress,” she said, forced cheer in her voice. 

Steve and Sutton both nodded, sneaking a look at each other before turning away again quickly. 

“I guess we’ll see each other at the wedding.” Sutton glanced between the pair, rubbing nervously at her sore knuckles. “Unless Fury gives you a free moment before then,” she added hopefully, directed towards Cora.

“Oh, I wish, but I’m afraid I can’t count on it.” Cora smiled ruefully. “You know how Fury is, and with this wedding booked he’s been more frantic than usual. Obviously, because I’m here at this time of night.”

Sutton looked disappointed, but not surprised. 

“I’m telling you,” she said, “you have to start your own business. You’ve got the talent for it, and it’s probably the only way you’ll get your freedom.” 

Cora made a face and shrugged.

“I don’t know,” she said. “At the rate I’m working, anyway, it’d be impossible to find the time.” 

Steve cleared his throat and Sutton finally looked at him, shifting on her feet. 

“It, uh, was nice seeing you again too. Steve.” 

“Yeah. You’ll have to tell me about your trip sometime.” 

“Right, sure!”

Cora winced, but luckily the expression went unnoticed by the other two. She and Steve exited together and Sutton bid them both a goodnight, locking up before moving through the shop to prep for another early morning. 

The quiet night air settled around them and Steve let out a long sigh as he ran his hand through his hair again. 

“Well,” he said, “that… happened.” 

Cora placed a hand on his arm. 

“Hey, everything is going to work out.”

“Three months,” he said. “I just- is it because we-?”

“What? Went on one date?” Cora laughed lightly. “Steve, please. Sutton can just be a nervous person. She thinks-”

At her pause Steve looked over, his eyes prompting her to continue, and Cora shook her head. 

“You both will have to talk if you want this worked out. Now, I better get at least a couple hours of sleep before Fury decides to blow my phone up again. I’ll see you at the wedding.” 

Steve sighed and dug in his pocket for his keys. 

“Drive safe,” he said. 

He waited until Cora was in her car with the doors locked before he started up his own car. Their headlights disappeared into the night and the low lights in the bakery popped off shortly afterwards.

[]

The bell in the shop rung as Sutton pushed open the door to Banner’s Botanicals; the smell of soil and fragrant flowers were heady in the air. 

“I’ll be one moment!”

“Take your time, Bruce.”

A head of dark wavy hair popped up from behind a shelving unit holding some sort of flowering cacti, and Sutton reached her hand up to wave.

“Long time, no see. Not going to lie. I thought you were really done for good this time.”

Bruce Banner pushed around some nearby ferns as he made his way to the front of the shop. 

“Hey Sutton,” he said. “So did I. But apparently I can still be coerced.” 

He frowned at that, and Sutton suppressed a wry smile. Bruce could be stubborn, sure, but he was also a bit of a peacekeeper. It took quite a bit to actually get him to explode. 

“I’m guessing they at least weren’t asking for lil-” “Don’t.” He cut in sharply. “Don’t mention the lilies.”

Sutton held her hands up in surrender and chuckled. 

“Ok. But I would like to see what they did ask for. I’m supposed to incorporate some floral aspects into their cake.” 

He sent her a look before letting out a breath of air and waving her to follow him to the back of the shop. 

“You and Cora,” he said. “You know there’s a thing called email? You can attach pictures? Or maybe even use google?”

“Sure,” said Sutton. “But this gets us out of our offices for a bit. And anyway, isn’t technology just ruining face-to-face interactions?” 

Bruce rolled his eyes.

The further back in the shop, the more expensive the plants got. And for a man who’d sworn to only work with succulents from now on, he sure had a selection of flowers at his disposal. 

“The bride wanted whimsical but elegant,” he said. “And for once, there was even a list of suggestions to work from. We decided on white wisteria, some assorted peonies, and a few gardenias sprinkled throughout. And greenery, of course. I’m thinking mostly ferns. Probably some Israeli Ruscus.”

Sutton ooh-ed over the samples and took out her phone to get some pictures. His selection of plants were second-to-none. No doubt that was the reason this mystery couple chose him. And they certainly had some cash on them, because he was making an example bouquet as well. 

“Can I get a few small samples to take back? Are you still selling individual stems?”

“Do you have any samples?”

Bruce flashed her a cheeky grin and Sutton returned it. 

“All my friends are opportunists,” she lamented. Still, she pulled a small paper box out of her purse and taunted him with it. “I thought you might like some inspiration as well.” 

They exchanged goods, one looking a tad more excited than the other. Sutton sighed as she eyed the delicate petals and the complicated layering of the wisteria. 

“I might be ordering some of these from you. Their order expressly stated little to no fondant on the cake. And these?”

She made a tsk-ing sound against her teeth and shook her head. Bruce spared her a pitying glance until he looked back to his set of cupcakes, and grinned. 

“At least you know they have good taste. Fondant is gross.”

Sutton raised a stern pointer finger as she sucked in a breath.

“Ok, listen-” 

[]

Cora nibbled at her bottom lip as she used a spare, quiet moment to do some personal research. It wasn’t that this particular wedding was giving her an odd feeling, she’d worked a few weddings that had demanded discretion, but generally she could accurately guess who it was for. 

There wasn’t anything in the celebrity gossip tabloids that mentioned possible weddings coming up, no matter how thoroughly she looked. Boo. She supposed she’d just have to wait for the big day to find out the big secret. She pouted and drummed her fingers on her laptop as the digging stopped at a dead end. 

Her notebook was just to the left of her computer and she could see that name amongst the rest of her notes. 

Loki Laufeyson.

She still didn’t understand how one person could’ve garnered such a negative reaction out of Sutton, and so far she hadn’t had the opportunity to really pry into why. Cora cocked one eyebrow and tilted her head as her fingers danced over her keyboard.

Well, she still had a moment. Why not look?

His website was sleek and clean, with accents of dark green and gold adding a sense of wealth and elegance to the layout. He was the sort of wedding coordinator that you had to call to ask about his rates, which generally meant the average person shouldn’t even bother. 

From his gallery, it seemed he’d been involved in some high profile weddings and other various events. Cora hummed. There wasn’t anything that she could glean from his about page to give her any hints.

Even if he was wildly arrogant and obnoxious, Sutton probably would have just said he was a character, or annoying. 

“Are you sitting? At a time like this?”

Cora jumped at Fury’s voice as he swept into the room, camera bags and a tripod precariously cradled in his arms. 

“Do you know how many jobs we have to complete? There’s the party on the seventeenth, the charity event coming up, and that mo-”

“Yes,” Cora cut in. “The wedding, I know.” She hopped up and closed her notebook, gathering all her things and making herself busy. “I have everything under control, sir.”

Fury shot her a piercing look, which was always impressive given he only had one eye. 

“Under control isn’t good enough. This wedding could be what really launches this business into the public eye. Everything has to be perfect. Which is why you’re going to meet up with that Laufeyson and get all the details sorted out. Got it?”

Cora wanted to give him a flippant salute, but she still did need the paycheck. Instead, she grit her teeth behind closed lips and forced a smile. 

“Crystal clear, sir.” 

Well, perhaps she’d get some answers about this guy sooner than she thought.

[virmillion]

Ibytm - T minus 40 seconds

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Words: 2,470

As the weak light of the early morning filters through uncaring blinds to rest on peaceful eyes and worriless blankets, coating the world in a sheet of simplicity that could one day be, Logan scowls at his phone. Though he should be getting ready for the day, pulling on his work attire and preparing a mediocre breakfast for himself, a few sets of pixels on his screen say otherwise. Sebastian NASA office branch closed for the day, the email reads, due to conflicts regarding Roseland fumigation company. Katie-Lee Johnston. Logan suffocates the light of the screen in the mattress.

Beside him, Virgil rolls over and tosses a heavy arm around Logan’s waist, dragging him closer and burying his cold nose in Logan’s neck. There’s a brief pause where Logan allows himself to simply exist in the silence, before Virgil opens his mouth and talks into Logan’s skin. “Isn’t this supposed to be the part where you bug me to let go so you can run off to work?”

Logan feels the words more than he hears them, but he sort of forgets about them entirely when his eyes flick down to the ring around the finger holding his abdomen. It’s not until that finger starts drumming a rhythm on his ribcage that he remembers he’s supposed to say something now. “They closed the office for fumigation today. Micah probably forgot a tuna sandwich that started its own ecosystem in the fridge or something.”

“That’s awesome. Free day.” Logan curls into Virgil’s chest as he says this, admiring how the low rumble of his barely-awake voice vibrates through his body before he flips around to face him—ignoring Virgil’s protests. Virgil hugs him closer, tucking Logan’s head under his chin and buffeting some of his hair back with a contented sigh. Logan closes his eyes.

“So what do you want to do with your magical day off?”

Logan considers bringing up the idea of job hunting for a steadier career than art tours for Virgil, but decides he’d rather not stir that particular pot. Not today, anyway. “Wait for the world to stop turning?”

“That might take a little longer than a day. Maybe we would update your wardrobe.”

“What’s wrong with my wardrobe?”

“It is woefully lacking in non-work clothes—street clothes, whatever you want to call them—and I cannot be engaged to a man that does not respect himself enough to have a cardigan of his own. I mean, it really is time you stopped stealing mine.”

Logan pouts stubbornly, ignoring the feeling of the cardigan he stole from Virgil burning a hole in the back of his head. “Okay, so wardrobe update day, but why would you propose to me if you already knew I didn’t have any cardigans?”

“You really thought I didn’t notice the box you’ve been carrying around, or how nervous you’ve been since you got it? I couldn’t just let you beat me to the punch like that.” Logan sticks his tongue out and curls up tighter against Virgil, who readjusts his arms to hold him closer. Beneath a mess of blankets and sunlight, they fall back asleep in each other’s embrace.

A few hours later, they wake up in the same position. Logan grumbles softly, more than a little disoriented from the extra sleep. He squints against the light, releasing something between a groan and a whine as he tries to ignore the giant ball of fire maintaining the capacity for life on the planet.

Once his eyes finally adjust, he looks up to see Virgil propped atop the pillow with an elbow supporting his weight. Virgil smiles down at him.

“What’s that face for?”

“What face?”

“That one, the one you’re smiling at me with. Why are you smiling like that?”

“I never get to beat you to being awake. It’s nice to see you all peaceful and asleep like that.”

Logan’s face is on fire. “Shut up.”

Virgil laughs, and it sends shivers down Logan’s spine. “And why would I do that?”

“Because if you don’t, I’m not going cardigan shopping with you today.”

“Well hey hey hey, let’s not get too hasty here.” Virgil shoves up from the mattress and scrambles off the bed, jumping around the room to pull up his skinny jeans at the same time as he tugs a shirt over his head. Logan does not particularly care for how cold he suddenly feels without Virgil’s arms, but he begrudgingly rises as well. He grumbles the whole way through getting dressed and dragging his butt into the kitchen, where Virgil is already whispering forceful encouragement to the sputtering keurig.

Virgil turns as the keurig quiets down, handing Logan the mug with a Calvin and Hobbes strip along its face. “I think our best bet is probably just to hit up the place where I got my first few.”

“I’m really only along for the ride, but I support you.”

“Cool, because they’ve got this great selection there, and it’s a small enough store that no one else has really flooded it yet, and they’ve even got a few sections of vintage shirts and records and junk. Just hipster enough to be cool but not so hipster that it’s uncool.”

This stunning (and confusing) review is how Logan finds himself in a tiny little shop tucked away in the elbow corner of an ill-frequented strip mall. He stands uncomfortably off to the side, watching Virgil dig through racks of cardigans and hoodies and jackets and shirts and pretty much any other form of clothing that could go on a vaguely humanoid torso. The organization of this place leaves absolutely everything to be desired.

It crosses Logan’s mind that he might’ve lost Virgil for good when his boyfriend—no, fiance, he thinks with delight—disappears into the fabrics completely, and the only sign that he hasn’t literally been eaten by the clothing is the sides of his ratty sneakers peeking out from under the hems of the shorter tops.

Finally, Virgil emerges holding far more clothes than he should reasonably be able to carry, all of which add up to stack higher than his head. No, seriously, Logan is genuinely worried they might knock out a ceiling light or something. Virgil jerks his head for Logan to follow him to the far wall, which is completely covered in floor-to-ceiling mirrors and peppered with the odd bench or stool. Joining him beside one of the larger benches, Logan looks on as Virgil dumps everything in a disaster pile and digs through it for one particular piece. Several garments fall to the floor.

“Okay, try this one on first,” Virgil says, pressing a mustard yellow ball of fabric into Logan’s arms. He does.

“This looks horrible. It looks horrible, doesn’t it?”

“Haha, yeah.”

“Well, what the—why would you make me try it on, then?”

“I wanted to weed out the worst ones first, and I’d rather try them out and have them fail than never try them and find out later they would’ve been perfect, y’know?”

“Kind of a messy logic line, but I’ll take it,” Logan says, preparing himself for the onslaught of a fashion show montage of trying on one cardigan after another, complete with Virgil pitching in objectively more accurate opinions. He tosses out points regarding the hang, the hem, the colors, none of which Logan can even begin to follow. He simply allows himself to be shoved into each garment, watching the ‘definite no’ pile shrink to Virgil’s right as the ‘hard maybe’ pile grows very, very slowly.

Eventually, Logan’s discomfort reaches a breaking point, and he starts strutting around as if he’s on a catwalk with the ones he likes best. He even pretends to be a very inaccurate parody of a motorcycle gang winner (whatever that is) when he dons a fake leather jacket, to which Virgil buries his face in his hands like a scorned mentor in the training montage of a Disney Channel straight-to-tv movie. It all dissolves into giggles and guffaws when Logan pulls on a zip-up Hawaiian flower print hoodie.

“Wait, stop, don’t take that one off yet.” Logan freezes, glancing at himself in the mirror again. He wears a midnight blue cardigan that falls somewhere around his knees, and the rib stitching that crawls halfway up his forearms is inlaid with tiny white sparkles that almost make it look like the cloudless night sky. “Okay, hold still.” Virgil flits around Logan like a hummingbird, checking the drape of the fabric, the pull of the seams, and adjusts it all to his unknowable standards. Finally, he stops and stares, facing Logan and just holding his hands loosely between them.

Logan hesitates. “What?”

“I just—this is real.”

“I’m sorry?”

“Us. We’re real. This, you, me, all of it is real.” Virgil lifts their joined hands, looking at the gleaming bands around their fingers. “It’s really real.”

“It really is.”

Virgil shakes his head and snaps back into the moment, clearly trying to laugh off the awkward silence that managed to fall on the store. Logan busies himself pretending he doesn’t notice the cashier staring at them, instead twisting the ring up and down his knuckles and admiring how the engraving rubs against his skin. It’ll cost you the stars.

Ironic, perhaps, that the ring Logan had carried around promised Virgil the moon. Better, even, that Virgil opted to keep it. A matched set of harmonious rings that no one else could have quite the thrill of understanding that they would.

Or Logan is reading too deep into jewelry again.

Probably that second one.

“Right,” Virgil says suddenly, looking up from his own ring. His eyes look a tad bit more watery than usual. “Yes. Okay, right, let’s go buy that one, then. Good starter cardigan. Good star-digan.” Logan follows Virgil to the checkout counter, where a changing of the guard is apparently in progress. The cashier that definitely wasn’t staring at them pulls out their till and vanishes into a back room as the new person slots in their own. Logan freezes.

“Micah?”

“Hey, Logan! What’s pop rockin’?” Micah glances between Logan and Virgil, then down at the jeweled hand pulling out a credit card. “Is this that guy you would never shut up about? Viagra something or other?”

“Virgil Sandovall,” Virgil corrects with a light laugh. “And who might you be?”

“Just the guy that had to endure Logan droning on for years and years about how amazing and cute his Cadmium boyfriend is, no one important.” Micah messes with something on the register, and the price drops a few bucks. “Also the guy giving you a free employee discount, just ’cause I’m so nice, so there’s also that. Primarily, though, the intern subjected to Logan’s incessant gushing. That’s me.”

“I, uh, I don’t know that I was all that bad about it,” Logan lies. “And, hey, they’re fumigating the office today for some bugs or something. Did you forget your sprouting tuna sandwich in the fridge again?”

“Yeah, yeah, tall skinny guy,” Micah continues, completely ignoring Logan’s feeble attempt at changing the subject. “You were always talking about what your plans over the next weekend were gonna be, how exciting it would be to go on whatever odd adventure he had planned.” Micah nods at Virgil, who’s barely holding back his own laughter. “Y’know, he hardly ever said a word before meeting you. Then, bam, he comes in one day, ranting about this tour guide from some museum a couple blocks away. I’m pretty sure he almost, like, combusted on the spot when you showed up with coffee for our floor.”

“Oh, I believe it,” Virgil says with what Logan would call an objectively evil grin. “I have never once seen him not raving about space or riddles or whatever quantum something or other, but I am pretty amazing, so what else would he talk about with people who already know everything about space and stuff?”

“Yes, great, can we maybe be going now?” Logan asks. More like pleads.

Micah steamrolls right over him. “I wouldn’t say we know everything about space. To be honest, he never missed a chance to talk our ears off about the latest project he had. You showing up was the conversation change that absolutely everyone on our floor was dying for. Ooh, good couplet, let me write that down—I’m a bludgeoning poet, you know.”

“I believe the word you’re looking for is burgeoning, and no, you’re not,” Logan mutters.

Micah ignores him, instead handing over a bag with the cardigan and receipt as he nods at Virgil. “Not to be a weird cashier barging in on the lives of a couple random customers, but I really do think you’re just about the best thing that could’ve happened to him.”

“Besides his promotion, you mean.”

“What! Logan, you got the job? Dude, that’s awesome!” Micah punches the air a few times as Logan debates the merits of literally being launched into space and landing at terminal velocity on Neptune right this very second. “Hey, Virgil, do you do anything besides fetch quests and museum—”

“We’re engaged,” Logan says loudly. Micah blinks at him as Virgil raises an eyebrow. “Engaged. Me and him. Him and I. He and I. He and me. Are engaged. To be married, I mean. To each other.”

“Right, so I think that’s our cue to head on out,” Virgil says, rocking on his toes. “It was great to meet you. Micah, was it?”

“Yeah, um, yes. Great meeting you, too. Besides when we met on your fetch quest, but—y’know what, never mind.” Micah waves them toward the door, nodding at Logan. “Congratulations, by the way. On the engagement, I mean. And the promotion. On everything, I guess. Oh, on the cardigan purchase, too. Thanks for shopping with us, and all that fun stuff.”

Logan cannot get out the door fast enough.

“That was exciting,” Virgil says brightly. He waves to Micah as the door clicks shut behind them. “He the one that left?”

“Yeah, yes, he just didn’t see any upward movement for himself, and he had an interview set up for this place, anyway. Really good benefits, I think he mentioned. Decent hours.” Logan hefts the shopping bag in his hand, half tempted to do a little spin step right there on the concrete. Engaged. It still doesn’t feel real. He wonders if it ever will.

“Here, give me that,” Virgil says, taking the bag and pulling out the cardigan. He settles it over Logan’s shoulders and takes a step back, poking his tongue out as Logan fulfills his spin step temptation.

“Is it good?”

“Yeah,” Virgil murmurs, his eyes catching on the peculiar glint of the sparkling stars. “Yeah. Yeah, it’s really, really good.”

[urfavmurtad]

Hi ! Do you have any books recommendations for someone who want to have a better understanding of Islam (on the historical aspect for exemple)? Beside the quran/hadiths. I want to learn more but I don't want Islamic propaganda or something overtly negative. Thanks!!! I love your blog and you're a great writter

No problem anon, I’d love to give some book recs! There are so many shitty books on Islamic history out there, and they’re shitty in many ways. It’s not just the ones written by Muslims that have problems. Some books are written by pop “historians” who have no business writing about this subject, others are from Orientalists who think Arabs invented civilization, others are from revisionists who don’t seem to have met a single Arab person in their lives. I have had to read through buckets of shit to find some gems. This is the true jihad.

I’m gonna dig through my bookshelf and mostly focus on the books that can be found for free online or in most libraries, just for the sake of accessibility.

I think a very good and very basic place to start is this… semi-series by Robert Hoyland, who is a professor at NYU. Hoyland was a student of a writer I’m not fond of (Patricia Crone, who did make some valuable contributions about the status of Mecca but was an extreme revisionist). But he’s not really like that at all, and his sources are basically impeccable. He has three books that I’d happily recommend for beginners, starting in the pre-Islamic era and going into the conquests:

Arabia and the Arabs* (pdf here). This is one of the very few works about pre-Islamic Arabia that brings in information from non-Islamic sources. It’s mostly about northern and southern Arabia (as in… not Mecca or anything near it) because those are the places mentioned by outside sources, but still. This is one of, like, three respectful books on pre-Islamic Arabia that I’ve ever read. I was so happy when I found it.

Seeing Islam as Others Saw It* (pdf here). I’ve linked this before in this post, so you can glance through that to see if the subject interests you. This is just a collection of early non-Islamic sources about the Islamic conquests. It’s a huge reference book, so feel free to skip around and just read the parts you’re interested in. It’s good stuff and may make you stan Muawiya a little purely based on his competency idk

In God’s Path: The Arab Conquests and the Creation of an Islamic Empire* (pdf here). I like this a lot, but I don’t agree with all of its conclusions. This is where you can see some of Crone’s influence, but it’s not super revisionist and there are some interesting ideas within it. Hoyland does significantly downplay the role of Islam as a faith here, seeing it as essentially a glue pulling Arabs together and uniting them into one political entity. The last three pages of Fred Donner’s frankly bitchy review… points were made. I still recommend it tho!His ideas on one of the driving forces of the conquests being the Arab “muhajirun” (applied to the conquering army as a whole instead of just the group that left Mecca) and their desire to settle in other lands is at least food for thought.

I’d also v strongly suggest reading up at least a little on the poor long-forgotten empires that dominated the Middle East before Islam’s glorious birth, the Byzantines and the Sassanids. In my experience, most ppl know very little about the former and nothing about the latter. But they were kind of, uh, important? So it might be worth reading a bit on them.

For the Byzantines, take your pick: do you want a dense scholarly book or a lighter but quicker read? The scholarly one I’d suggest is The Making of Byzantium by Mark Whittow (pdf here). The lighter one, Lost to the West: The Forgotten Byzantine Empire That Rescued Western Civilization* by Lars Brownworth (borrow), has a very ott title that reminds me of those “ISLAMIC CIVILIZATION SAVED EUROPE!!” books that I hate. But the content focuses far more on internal Byzantine stuff than its “legacy” or w/e. It’s definitely less academic than Whittow’s book, but on the plus side it’s way easier to read tbh.

If you really get into it and want to read more single-topic Byzantine books, I’d also suggest most of Judith Herrin’s books, including Unrivalled Influence: Women and Empire in Byzantium and Margins and Metropolis: Authority Across the Byzantine Empire. She also has a general overview of Byzantium (borrow).

There’s also a Byzantine history podcast, I stan it.

The Two Eyes Of The Earth* by Matthew Canepa (pdf here). This is half regular-history and half art history, but don’t let that scare you!! I know very little about art history and I found it easy to read. It’s REALLY GOOD and for a book you can find for free it lays out the relationship between the Byzantines and Persians really well.

For the Sassanids: Sasanian Persia* by Touraj Daryaee (pdf here) is a very brief, easy read and only around 150 pages long. It’s worth it just to familiarize yourself with the topic. A more in-depth rec is Arsacids and Sasanians by Rahim Shayegan (pdf here), which is a longer-term view of Persian history.

Arabs and Empires Before Islam* (pdf here) is a collection from multiple authors that touches on Arabs in relation to both empires, and extends its reach into South Arabia as well.

The Palestinian historian Irfan Shahid’s long series on Byzantium and the Arabs* has been made available online via the Dumbarton Oaks library. His work is a tad outdated nowadays, but it’s still a great resource. This guy has literally spent decades on this single topic and he provides us with his work for free…… a legend tbh. (The download links are on the top right of each page, if you can’t find them.) Honestly every book has worthwhile information in it, but on the topic of Islam/Islamic history you probably want the ones on the sixth century, since that’s when Mo was born. The full thing is like… 800 pages, so. Take it slow! Other scholars on Byzantine-Arab interactions include Walter Emil Kaegi and Greg Fisher, with Fisher being more skeptical of later Islamic texts than the other two. But I’ve read useful stuff from all three.

Rome and the Arabs (pdf here)

Byzantium and the Arabs in the 4th Century (pdf here)

…Fifth Century (pdf here)

…Sixth Century: Volume 1, Part 1 (pdf here)

…Volume 1, Part 2 (pdf here)

…Volume 2, Part 1 (pdf here) 

…Volume 2, Part 2 (pdf here)

Now… if you are looking for some actual history about Mohammed and his earliest followers, just be aware that 100% of the information on The Life And Times Of Crazy Mo comes from Islamic sources written over a century after he died. All that anyone can do is dig through them and try to determine, based on whatever criteria, what is plausible and what isn’t plausible. I’d actually suggest you read the primary sources (as in the stuff written by Muslims over a thousand years ago) yourself, since that’s what all these books are based upon. If you don’t wanna slog through the big ahadith collections, you might wanna read one of these:

The Expeditions* by Mamar ibn Rashid (pdf here). I might suggest starting here, because 1) it’s short! (the page count is a lie bc it’s dual Arabic-English) and 2) once you understand the stuff in this, it’ll make reading the larger works way easier. This is a selection of ahadith narrated by a student of al-Zuhri, who was a student of one of the sahaba (Anas ibn Malik). So there is a short and very direct chain of transmission all the way back to the rise of Islam here. You can see how much of the “official story” of Islam was already decided-upon in the 8th century (a lot!), what spots were vague and still being filled in (90% of the pre-hijra days), and what was open to debate (tidbits like: when was the “year of the elephant”?). Note that this covers like… fragments of the story, it is not a full sira.

It’s interesting to compare the above to Ibn Ishaq’s long-ass sira (pdf here), which is from the same century. I might do a post on the differences between them at some point. Ibn Ishaq’s is referenced by virtually all later authors so it’s kinda… important to read it, even though it’s long.

There is another early biography by al-Waqidi (who was considered less credible by his contemporaries and deemed an outright liar by many of them), I don’t really care for it but you can read about the differences between his and Ibn Ishaq’s sira here. It’s still worth a read even tho al-Waqidi himself is questionable, but I can’t find a free English translation.

Muhammad and the Origins of Islam* by F.E. Peters (borrow) is a decent summary of the story, if you don’t feel like reading a sira. The book mostly just quotes from Islamic texts. But at only 300 pages, around a third of which is more about Middle Eastern history around the 7th century, it’s a pretty easy read. 

There’s also al-Tabari’s 40-book-long history series (pdfs here), which covers like… everything up to the 9th century. You obviously aren’t gonna read this whole-ass thing but it’s useful as a reference if you wanna check up on a particular topic. I’ve read multiple volumes of this and I didn’t find them hard to read at all, they’re surprisingly short.

If you’re looking for a recent English-language biography of Mohammed and his followers, well. The truth is that there are very few decent English-language books on this topic, and by Allah, some are absolutely cancerous. I’d strongly suggest staying away from: 1) anything written by someone who is not a scholar of Islam, Arabic, or Middle Eastern history in general, 2) older ones written by Orientalists, especially the white guys who were in the habit of dressing in thobes, and 3) works written by Saudi or Qatari-funded scholars (who tend to work at places helpfully named after their benefactors). Also, pls do not read anything that begins a discussion of goddamn 7th century Arabia with “ever since 9/11…”.

Look for something fairly recent (like… since the 90s, maybe) written by a credible scholar of Islam whose work is favorably reviewed by his or her peers. And be aware that no book is going to get it 100% right because of the limitations I mentioned. I think this short article (pdf) summarizes what you should expect going into any of these works.

Since I don’t really like any of them, I can’t recommend any, but I can at least point you in the right direction, hopefully...

In my experience, single-topic articles (that you can read using scihub 👀) are way better and more informative than any books on the topic. I dunno why, but I think it’s just because each individual topic requires so much specialized knowledge that no one can write about the entire era convincingly. I’d be happy to suggest some articles on any particular subject you’re curious about.

If you want some scholarly “analysis” of early Islamic history:

Analysing Muslim Traditions by Harald Motzki (pdf here) presents a convincing argument against people who reject the ahadith because they see them as completely unreliable. The book is basically a defense of “the science of ahadith” created by scholars in the 9th/10th centuries. Not all ahadith are “real” in the sense that they can be plausibly traced back to Mo & Crew–but it’s pretty clear that many of them can be.

Islamic Historiography* by Chase F. Robinson (pdf here) isn’t about whether some parts of Islamic history are true or not–it’s more of a look at the development of Islamic historians and how they built upon the very early ahadith. Short and an easy read.

Arabic Historical Thought in the Classical Period by Tarif Khalidi is somewhat similar, but touches more on specific authors in a specific period. Khalidi is a big name in Arab Islamic studies, and a lot of his work is pretty decent, though I’ve noticed it’s kinda hard to find some of his books in libraries.

Sectarianism!!!

The Caliph and the Heretic, Ibn Sabaʾ and the Origins of Shīʿism by Sean W. Anthony (pdf here). This is a subject that I’ve been weirdly fascinated by for whatever reason. The guy it’s named after has long been accused of being one of the “ghulat”, meaning people who took Ali to be a divine figure in blatant violation of Islamic doctrine. (A book that goes into more depth on “ghulat” sects is Ghulat Sects by Matti Moosa, pdf here. The “extremist” subtitle means their religious beliefs, not terrorism.) A lot of legends and myths have popped up with respect to this guy and his place in Islamic history, and the author tries to disentangle all the stories and find the root of it all to find an actual basis for early Shiism, without the hateful propaganda that’s clouded it. Really good.

A more general overview of Shia history is Shi’ism by Heinz Halm.

The Heirs of Muhammad* by Barnaby Rogerson (borrow) is a very, very basic overview of the political clusterfuck of the Rashidun era. It’s not super scholarly and leaves out a lot of details, but if you don’t know anything about the topic, give it a try.

The Succession to Muhammad: A Study of the Early Caliphate by Wilferd Madelung (pdf here) is essentially a book about the title’s topic from a Shia perspective, or at least from an Abbasid perspective. It’s very… credulous, in the sense that it doesn’t question the sources, but it’s good if you want to know one side of the story. The Umayyads, and to a lesser extent Abu Bakr & Crew, are the bad guys here. Full disclosure: the author works at a place funded by the Aga Khan (Ismaili Shia leader).

The Ismailis by Farhad Daftary (pdf here) is an absolutely gigantic book that I would not recommend for beginners, but if you happen to be curious about the Ismailis–this is a historically important Shia group distinct from Iranians et al, who are from another sect called Imamiyya or “Twelvers”–here you go.

The Birth of the Prophet Muhammad by Marion Holmes Katz (pdf here). This is a single-topic book about Sunni (including Sufi) mythology surrounding Mohammed and his life. I’m not talking history here, but outright mythological elements, like Mo’s dad being glowy. This is semi-topical re: the crazies who blow people up for celebrating Mohammed’s birthday, but is also useful in understanding the process by which Islamic theology built Mohammed into a hell of a lot more than “just a man”. Slightly more specialized than the other books here, but I included it because I don’t think it’s so academic that you’ll be lost and confused while reading it.

Here are some basic overviews of the Umayyad and early Abbasid eras, which is when 90% of what we think of as “Islam” was crystallized:

Again, al-Tabari’s history series is really useful for these eras. The Expeditions and Ibn Ishaq’s sira also touch on some of this stuff. Don’t discount the classics! The only thing to remember is that all of these were written after the Abbasids overthrew the Umayyads, so obviously they have a certain angle to them. But they’re still useful.

The New Cambridge History of Islam (pdf here). A great, six-volume-long series of articles on a huge variety of topics of early Islamic history. Look through the tables of contents and pick an article that seems interesting, and give it a shot.

The Encyclopedia of Islam* (a tad outdated in places, but still great overall) covers this era and…. like, basically everything. It’s huge. I got all my pdfs of it from Tehran University’s site here, idk why that’s the only place where I can find it. The glorious Islamic Republic doesn’t gaf about copyright laws I guess. There’s also an Encyclopedia of the Quran (pdfs here), but that’s more for religious matters than historical stuff.

The First Dynasty of Islam: The Umayyad Caliphate* by G.R. Hawting (pdf here) is, imo, a very dry and scholarly book. But if you need an overview, it’s useful. It’s also only like 150 pages so it shouldn’t be too hard to get through.

Black Banners from the East: The Establishment of the Abbasid State by Moshe Sharon is an account of the Abbasid revolution and everything that led up to that moment.

Inquisition in Early Islam: The Competition for Political and Religious Authority in the Abbasid Empire by John Turner. I really wish I had a pdf for this one, but I don’t. This is probably more suited for someone raised Muslim or at least someone who already knows a bit about Islamic history–if you’ve heard of Imam Ahmad’s trial before the caliph al-Mamun, you’re good–but it’s a good look at how religious authority was handled by the early Abbasid leaders.

The Canonization of Islamic Law by Ahmed El Shamsy (pdf here). Oh boy, if you don’t really enjoy the legal side of Islam, this one will bore you to tears. Regrettably this topic is extremely important for understanding Islamic history, so try to power through it.

For some other Islamic empires, here are three books about al-Andalus, two of which I’ve already recced:

Kingdoms of Faith: A New History of Islamic Spain* by Brian Catlos. This one focuses more on the religious communities themselves, the relationships between them, and the conflicts within them.

Muslim Spain and Portugal: A Political History of Al-Andalus* by Hugh Kennedy. Kennedy has written a lot of books, and for me they’re very hit-or-miss. His style can sometimes be dry, and at other times he glosses over important details. But this one’s good. It’s…. well, it’s what it says it is, a political history. If you want intrigue and drama, here you go.

Philosophers Sufis & Caliphs by Ali Humayun Akhtar (pdf here). This is more about Islamic scholars in Andalus and focuses on their interaction with and responses to Fatimid (Ismaili Shia) ideology. A lot of texts on Andalus frame it as part of a European context (as in, devoting a lot of space to Christians), but this one puts it more in the context of the wider Arab world, which is helpful.

Ottomans!!!!

Osman’s Dream* by Caroline Finkel (pdf here) is a great and really in-depth summary of centuries of Ottoman history. It covers over 600 years, so forgive the length and take it one chapter at a time.

The late Halil Inalcik was a master of producing really good, in-depth books about Ottoman history with the driest titles you could possibly imagine. I’m pretty sure he is (or… was) one of the top Turkish experts on the subject, so any of his stuff is worth a look. The one I read was The Ottoman Empire: The Classical Age 1300-1600*. But if you can find any of his stuff at your library, you might wanna check it out.

Three books from Roger Crowley touching on the Crusades era, in order: City of Fortune: How Venice Won and Lost a Naval Empire*, 1453: The Holy War for Constantinople* (borrow here), and Empires of the Sea: The Final Battle for the Mediterranean* (yes the first one is mostly about the Italian city-states but there is plenty of Turkish nonsense too). I’ve recced these before but they’re great. There’s also an interlude about Acre called The Accursed Tower, which is likewise excellent.

Before Homosexuality in the Arab-Islamic World, 1500-1800 by Khaled El-Rouayheb. Well… not all of it is about the Ottomans, but a large portion of it is. Don’t be put off by the title–it doesn’t mean that gay sex didn’t exist before the year 1801. I don’t agree with all the author’s conclusions, but the sources he’s collected are still useful. Everything you could possibly want to know about pederasty is contained within, enjoy.

“Roxolana: The Greatest Empress of the East”*. This is an article, not a book, but it’s a brief summary of the Eastern European slave girl who used her body and mind to worm her way into the highest echelons Ottoman politics.  I’ll write about this whole weird era someday.

The Ottoman Age of Exploration (pdf here) by Giancarlo Casale is the story of how the Ottomans tried and almost succeeded in getting in on the whole Asia imperialism thing. (Despite this occurring during the Ottoman heyday, you hardly ever hear them mentioned in discussions about it.) It begins with a man named Selim the Grim. If that doesn’t sell you on it, what will?

There is ALSO an Ottoman history podcast (+articles) although tbh the earlier seasons were better and more, uh, Ottoman-focused. It’s kinda more a Muslim history podcast now. It descends into academic jargon and glorification at times but there are still some gems to be found there.

Some of the important Shia dynasties:

Converting Persia: Religion and Power in the Safavid Empire by Rula Jurdi Abisaab (pdf here). Iran became Shia under the Safavids, which is… kind of important, for modern-day issues! So you might wanna read about it! Because this happened in the 16th century, there’s also a lot about geopolitics between them and the Ottomans, interactions with Asian and European nations, etc.

The Fatimids were a hugely important Ismaili dynasty that ruled large swaths of land, including Egypt, during ye olde “golden age” that they’ve been largely erased from. There are, unfortunately, very few decent overviews of the caliphate, but there are some nice “character studies” (for lack of a better word) so I’d suggest reading articles about them instead. There are some collections of essays, including a long series called Egypt and Syria in the Fatimid, Ayyubid and Mamluk Eras.

Maghrebi topics:

Black Morocco: A History of Slavery, Race, and Islam* by Chouki El Hamel is a recent book about a tragically underexplored topic, namely Black slaves in Arab countries (which is usually dismissed with “slavery wasn’t about race!!!”). This covers mostly the early modern era (~1600s-1800s) of Morocco.

A History of the Maghrib in the Islamic Period by Jamil M. Abun-Nasr. This is a 20th century book that’s kinda written in the style of an old Arab history book, but it’s still good. There’s a lot goin on in the Maghreb and keeping track of all the tribes and their loyalties is very difficult, so a basic primer like this is very useful.

Some miscellaneous dynasties:

The Empire of the Steppes* by René Grousset (borrow) is only, like, half about any sort of Islamic dynasty (Timurlane and the Timurids), but the early Mongols are part of Islamic history by virtue of killing lots of people, so! Might be worth a read. It’s an old-fashioned book, but it’s an intro to the subject.

The Millennial Sovereign: Sacred Kingship and Sainthood in Islam (pdf here) by Azfar Moin. I’m sure this is noticeable, but I know about 1) Arabs, 2) Turks, 3) Persians, and 4) Amazigh people, in that order. India is kinda beyond my wheelhouse, but I’m trying to learn more. This one was a good start and covers topics that you’ve probably heard of before (the Mughal Empire and the emperor Akbar) in great depth. It covers Iran and the Timurids too, but most of it is about India.

The Seljuks are another one where I’ve just been really unimpressed with the books I’ve leafed through tbh. The only one I’ve enjoyed and actually read through to the end was The Great Seljuqs: A History by Osman Aziz Basan, so if you can find that, go for it.

Books specifically focusing on women:

Women and Gender in Islam: Historical Roots of a Modern Debate* by Leila Ahmed (borrow). This is a Hot Topique as many of you know, and if you search for Islam+women you are likely to receive a bunch of bullshit in return. But Leila Ahmed has been covering this subject for decades and her book is about as in-depth and “fair” as you can get.

Concubines and Courtesans: Women and Slavery in Islamic History*. Hey, wanna hear something fucked up? Many if not most of the notable Muslim women throughout history were sex slaves. Some were used purely for sex, others for entertainment, others as the mothers of their masters’ heirs. A few slaves managed to manipulate or charm their way to political power, and they’re some of the most powerful “Muslim” women in history. This messy topic is explored in a series of essays in this book.

Marriage and Slavery in Early Islam* by Kecia Ali (pdf here). This approaches the same topic as the above from more of a religious perspective rather than a historical survey. It traces the development of religious opinions and justifications for slavery, the “proper” treatment of women, the differences or lack thereof in the ultimate status of a freed woman vs a slave woman, etc.

That is…………. a lot!!! But I do think that all of them taken together are a pretty solid basis for understanding the first…. I dunno, 1000 years or so? of Islamic history. I think most of them are accessible for someone with zero or very little knowledge about any of these subjects, though some are denser than others. I put asterisks on the one that I’m pretty sure you’ll be able to get through, no matter how little you know about the topic.

Also, I know you said no Quran or ahadith but… ur gonna be real-ass confused about many things if you don’t at least know a little about them tbh. If you’re ever in the mood for it, there are a bunch of tafsirs online (Ibn Kathir’s famous one is here) and I have @quranreadalong for this exact purpose so pls enjoy!

If anyone wants more recs about any specific topic, hit me up! I got literally hundreds of books on my bookshelf.

[pain-somnia]

1k Followers Fic Request Title: Only You Prompt: Cop Sasuke Rating: T Disclaimer Day’s Notes: requested by anon I made this a “Cop Sasuke” in an Altered Carbon AU (so sci-fi everyone); turns out @saradacchi knows what’s good for me because I started watching last night and I love it and I was inspired to write this one-shot despite the fact that I was in the middle of part 2 to laundry fic and another prompt. Of course it’s Sasuke-centric Dedicated to @sun-summoning who always makes my day better when they post a fic

He missed touching her.

He missed the sound of her voice and the way she bit her lower lip before bursting into a peal of laughter. Sakura was always too loud and too big in every way but her body.

And Sasuke was realizing that her mother was the same.

Shit, Sasuke groaned inwardly. From his desk and through his holo-screen he could see the familiar blonde hair of his fiancée’s mother. The color had caught his attention from his peripheral and when he focused on the approaching woman he wanted to hide his face in his hands.

Mebuki Haruno had been coming every day since the accidental death of her daughter. She had been sympathetic at first when she found out that Sasuke was called in for the hit and run which resulted in organic damage. The sympathy flew out the window when she discovered that Sakura’s stack had been missing.

The Harunos were grounders which meant they were too poor to afford a clone or synthetic sleeve that was a replica of their daughter. The government was to provide a free sleeve because she had been involved in an accident with a government owned vehicle.

But Sasuke didn’t want a stranger’s face. He didn’t want to hear Sakura’s thoughts and words with a stranger’s voice.

“Officer Uchiha.”

Mebuki’s eyes were two shades too dark and she had wrinkles at the corners of her eyes but it wasn’t difficult to imagine Sakura giving him the cold, accusing look.

Sasuke and Sakura weren’t married. He had no right to her cortical stack, to her coding.

But he refused to have anyone but Sakura.

So another day of cold stares and shouting was on his agenda.

Kizashi, Sakura’s father, was never present when his wife came to demand their daughter’s stack. He was only there the first time when Mebuki went on a rampage when they were told her stack was missing from her sleeve.

His eyes were dull and tears clung to his pale lashes—Sakura’s lashes—as he followed behind his wife. He didn’t seem aware of where he was until his wife started accusing Sasuke of kidnapping their daughter.

Kizashi blinked back his tears but didn’t say a word. His reactions were abnormal. Even grounders had a lack of care for the original sleeve when a secondary one was an option.

Sasuke hoped it was because Kizashi felt the same way he did.

That Kizashi didn’t want anyone unless it was his daughter.

. .

Sasuke lived in Konoha and worked as a cop but it didn’t change the fact that home for him was Sora-ku, the city in the sky.

It was probably one of the reasons he hadn’t been fired for misconduct when he removed Sakura’s stack and refused to hand it over to her parents. Why no one bothered to do anything but write a short note in his file about misplaced data.

Meths, even if they lived as grounders, could still flex enough muscle to get what they wanted.

Sasuke never thought about the fact that he had multiple clones in a freezer. He was still too young to care about transferring to a new sleeve and he had been lucky so far that he hadn’t sustained organic damage even with his profession.

A profession his family humored as an eccentricity, merely a hobby.

The Uchiha were rich enough to never have to work a day in their long, long lives.

But no one really cared what the second son of the ancient Madara Uchiha’s twenty-fourth child’s did to pass the time.

They turned their noses up at his preference for the ground world, enjoying the comforts of their floating city away from the “thugs and brutes” that were jealous of their superior sleeves.

Sasuke wondered sometimes if the face Sakura loved so much was his own or genetic modifications, an altered appearance modeled after the beautiful features of his mother’s.

It was a question he never felt comfortable enough to ask. Or accuse his mother of.

Sakura was beautiful. She was beautiful in a way only a child of the ground world could be. Born in Konoha to immigrant cake shop owners, nothing about her looks was artificial.

Everything was hers and Sasuke loved her all the more for it.

. .

Suspension was all they could do to appease Mebuki Haruno. Madara Uchiha funded the department and lined the pockets of the mayor and governor. No one was going to terminate employment of his favorite grandchild.

In reality it wasn’t a punishment but more like a vacation. Sasuke needed the free time to supply the data gatherers information on the clone for Sakura.

“You can make her how you like her,” his grandfather had tossed out nonchalantly. “Get rid of any pesky traits she didn’t like herself.”

It was said in such a blasé manner and Sasuke was caught off guard. Madara didn’t mean any insult and none of his other relatives had even reacted to the comment.

It was typical of them to pick out mods for their new sleeves. They could enhance their clones as they pleased. Money was never an issue.

“My forehead is huge!” Sakura used to complain. It was only slightly larger than average, nothing Sasuke would have even noticed if it weren’t for the fact that she had pointed it out.

He was too caught up in pretty jade eyes to think of something as inconsequential as a slightly wide forehead.

. .

When Sakura’s sleeve had been freshly damaged, Sasuke had taken a trip down to the forensic pathologist and swiped DNA samples.

Using his access code he was able to secure swabs of saliva and blood and hair samples. He had been lucky that her body was secured by the police due to the nature of her death. It was an accident but an investigation was necessary.

Insurance companies were always trying to get out of securing free sleeves for those whose sleeves were going to die of natural causes or if the accident was preventable on the victim’s side.

His Sakura wasn’t a drunk or a junkie. She had just stepped off of the curb on her way to the bookstore and an asshole crossed the intersection when his light was red.

“You are able to alter anything,” the technician explained as he filled out Sakura’s entry into his holo-screen. “You can change her features to look more Terran. Or if you prefer the exotic features of a different Outerworld. We can alter her body fluids to produce Empathin or even get rid of her freckles. Increase her bust size maybe? It’s not often the original isn’t here to select their own mods.”

Sasuke’s neck heated up at the thought of Empathin. Sakura would probably push him over the railing of their apartment veranda if he gave her a perverted mod without her consent.

But the idea of feeling what she felt and her feeling what he felt when they made love was tempting.

Maybe for the next clone when he could talk to her face to face and they could discuss it. He refused to have her spun in a temporary body to have the conversation.

“Exactly the same.”

. .

It took a month for the sleeve to be complete.

The life cycle was accelerated when it came to making clones for those that had already reached adulthood. Technology was only so advanced. If Sasuke had it his way he would have had Sakura’s sleeve ready the same day he placed his order.

Sakura’s clone looked almost exactly like her. The sleeve lacked the scars that littered her body, given to her from life. Her forearm no longer had the burn mark from her accident in her family’s bakery. There was no nick at her left eyebrow.

But it was Sakura. Her same rose gold hair and jade eyes. Even all of her freckles were the same, trailing down her sternum and dusting her breasts.

“We need the cortical stack.”

The technician broke Sasuke’s focus away from examining Sakura’s clone.

“Once we upload Sakura Haruno’s Digital Human Freight she can be needlecasted to her new sleeves from here on out. A total safeguard from Real Death.”

Sasuke slipped off the necklace he was prone to wearing around when he knew he wasn’t working. Only where he knew he was safe.

He wanted Sakura’s stack with him at all times but he wasn’t always the safest option.

When he wasn’t wearing her stack around her neck he hid it in his mother’s private rooms.

Making her clones and needlecasting Sakura made his mother giddy.

“Now we’ll really be family,” Mikoto had gushed at the idea of Sakura’s clones residing in the Uchiha vault.

It was a tad morbid but not an unexpected reaction.

Sasuke handed the stack to the technician and within moments Sakura’s D.H.F. was uploaded.

“She’ll respawn in a few seconds.”

Sasuke watched as the sleeve’s eyes blinked into focus. It’s nose twitched and it smiled softly at him.

“Good morning, Sasuke.”

[shankmeharder]

Daily Goodie Box(free and full of treats)

Daily Goodie Box is a lovely service that, once you sign up for it, awards free goodie boxes(a new box every month) to its subscribers. The best way to get picked for a free box is to be active on their social media and generally be very open with your opinions. After doing just that, I was awarded one for this month. Now one of the great things about this box, is that (as they love to remind you)  It's more than just Free Samples! The fullsize products they include(in addition to a couple sample size ones) allow you to make the fullest use of the product and really see if you like it, and want to add it to your routine,kitchen, or cleaning roster. I’ve decided to put my own assessment out there and after a week of testing, the reviews are in. The links for each product, or their brand website, are listed below their respective reviews.

Starting with the snacks.

First we have Sweet Potato Puffs by Spudsy in the Crunchy Cinnamon Variety.Now these I can see being a bit polarizing. First bite is not a great indicator for potential. You get a puff of cinnamon that slowly cedes the stage to the texture which is a bit like a rice puff but a tad less springy, not necessarily super appealing. However, in the spirit of giving it a fair shake, I gave it another go. By the fourth (tiny) puff, I was actually pretty delighted with them. They are not overly sweet, they don’t have any kind of unfortunate aftertaste, and it becomes easy to go through them.My daughter and  I finished the teeny sample bag before i knew it, and were a bit crestfallen when we realized it. I would definitely recommend these as a toddler or childrens’ snack, as they do remind me a bit of those other very popular puffs and may provide a similar and appealing texture to the young ones.I know my Bean was absolutely enamored of them. https://spudsy.com/collections/sweet-potato-puffs

Next, we have the Gluten-Free Granola by Bakery on Main. This is the Cranberry Almond Maple variety, and let me tell you, I did not have high hopes for this product. I am not a huge granola person, a lot of them are too sugary or too dry and they just don’t appeal. This blew me out of the water. The maple flavor is very present but it doesn’t overwhelm everything. The bean crisps were a wild card for me and I found them delightful, just enough crunch and chew, and they were complimented very well by the tart dried cranberries. The almonds and seeds are lovely, nothing to write home about, but exactly what you would hope for in the Granola/ Trail mix hybrid. My only fuss, I wouldn’t mind a slightly higher cranberry to bean crisp ratio. This is honestly delightful, and the 1.1 oz bag is actually the perfect size for a quick snack on the go, or a little workout energy boost. https://bakeryonmain.com/shop/cranberry-almond-maple-granola/

Now on to the tea

For our beverage offering we have Tipson tea in, Honey&Lemon Matcha Infusion. I will cop to the fact that I tend to be more of a coffee person, but lately I’ve been trying to cut back, drink more water, drink more tea. However, I am a sucker for homey and lemon, so this was providence. I’m not the biggest Matcha fan, but again, I give everything its fair trial before i pass a verdict. I brewed a cup to have with our previously mentioned snacks. The tea is definitely lemony, probably one of the most overtly fruit flavored teas, short of something pre-chilled and sold in a tall can, that I’ve ever had.The honey, however, loses its way and is hard to taste behind all that lemon. The matcha, being that this is a “matcha infusion” is also pretty hard to get, which is fine with me. I prefer subtle matcha. After my initial taste, I fixed it the way I normally fix my tea, with milk and (extra) honey, and it was lovely. I would recommend using honey if you want to taste it, but it is a lovely tea, nonetheless, and I’ll be enjoying each of my twenty-four remaining cups. https://www.amazon.com/tipson

First up in health and beauty is the face mask.

Here is the detoxifying peel mask by Que Bella. I’ve made it no secret that this is the item I was most excited to try. On opening the packet, it seemed there was not an overabundance of product, and I feared I might have to use both packets for one mask. My fears were mostly allayed, when one packet proved to be just enough for one layer. The smell of the mask is quite pleasant, not overwhelming, in fact you become used to it quite quickly. The consistency is a bit thinner than I was expecting, but I smeared it on and geared up for the slightly painful peeling to come. The mask started to tighten within about three minutes of finishing the application, and it was lovely to sit in front of the fan with it on, like sticking your face into a cool mountain spring. I opted to wait the twenty-five minutes it suggests on the package, as I am the type of person that will keep poking and prodding and checking to see if it’s dry, unless I rein myself in.The peeling was not nearly as painful as some of the others I have tried, but i attribute that in part to my artful avoidance of my hairline, and how very thin the mask was. It was also quite a quick ordeal, and none of my peach fuzz got yanked out, so I call that a win. Upon removal, my cheeks continued feeling the “mountain spring” sensation for quite a while, probably fifteen minutes or so. My cheeks were noticeably smoother, as was my nose. My skin didn’t redden excessively, or puff up like I’d  been stung, so on all accounts, I’d give this mask two thumbs up. https://www.quebellabeauty.com/product-page/que-bella-professional-detoxifying-intense-black-peel-off-mask

In our health selection, this month we were sent Napz, a drug free, non-habit forming, sleep aid. To preface this review, I am a nocturnal hermit gremlin and I almost never fall asleep before 3 a.m. In my (almost) week of usage, I found these were better for kicking my butt in the last hour before succumbing, than forcing myself into premature sleep. They do create a subtle drowsiness, but like most herbal remedies and aids, I think you must be very receptive to it, and do what you can to maximize its efficacy. The directions recommend taking an hour before desired bed time for best results. On the nights when i took it at midnight I did fall asleep 1 to 2 hours earlier. But taking it any earlier than that did me no good, as I just was not close enough to sleep. Would I recommend this to an insomniac, or someone with a preternaturally screwy circadian rhythms like me? Probably not, at least not in an attempt to “normalize” a sleep schedule. Would I recommend this to someone trying to get an extra hour before exams, or even just for relaxation? Hell yes! https://www.napz.com/

This month we were provided with QuickStop! bandages by Curad. Wooo bandages! No sarcasm, I go through these like no ones business. Between blood thinners, a compulsion to pick my fingers, and an adventurous toddler, I constantly have plasters on, and my daughter goes through a couple a week. They are usually some cute design that I either bleed through, or that falls off within an hour, so anything that claims to stop bleeding faster, and stay on my damn fingers/toes/elbow/daughters knees. is a beacon of hope for me and my blood-stained button-ups. Now these were a interesting test, as I literally had to wait for myself to bleed, and like a watched pot, my finger refused to boil-I mean- you know what I mean. Yesterday I finally had an excuse to use them, oddly enough on a paper cut, and a needle prick. Apparently my self control was great this week, probably because I was thinking about it so much. Now when one is on blood thinners, they bleed a bit longer and a bit more than usual. Typically we are just instructed to apply more pressure and be patient, but if I get cut while dealing with a crying toddler (as is my luck) I may not have a free hand to apply pressure while trying to prevent a nuclear meltdown. Indeed, I didn’t need one. It was story time before bed, she was fussing and fighting sleep with the best of them, and wouldn’t you know it, my finger slips and I get a massive, (honestly, a little scary) deep, paper cut on my thumb. The Bean sees this and starts to cry more because Baba/Mama is bleeding and oh my gosh this is terrible. I pull a bandage out of my stash in her dresser and pop it on. No bleeding through, no leakage, immediately my thumb is story ready and suddenly there is no more reason to cry because “ooo mommy, what’s this?”.Despite her best efforts she couldn’t tear it off, and I got a toddler to bed without getting blood all over the sheets. Win-Win. The needle prick was less dire, but it happened while sewing a teddy bear up last night, and it lasted through my tossing sleep, and all this typing, so, again, I’ll call it a win.  http://curad.com/quick-stop/

Pertaining to health and hygiene, the goodie box bestowed upon us...an oral rinse? I’m game, in fact I was sort of looking forward to this one, as I’ve just changed toothpastes and was considering adding another component to my routine. I don’t particularly care about the whitening aspect but on all other accounts I’d like to have a good rinse in my arsenal. This is unfortunately not it, at least not for me. It is described as “peppermint” but it more of a lemongrass/torture flavor. There is no tingle or sensation of freshness that comes with it, in fact it makes me want to rinse my mouth with something stronger. After a week of usage with my brushing routine(evenings only for this product) I did not notice a change in whiteness, and there seemed to be no breath freshening component, my toothpaste was pulling all the weight there. Maybe to someone who follows the “pristine protocol” with the recommended line of products, this would be useful. However, just throwing this into your routine, as far as I can tell, will not cause a noticeable change in dental hygiene or emotional fulfillment.  https://essentialoxygen.com/products/organic-brushing-rinse/

Last on our list of goodies we have our only household item.

Ode to Clean cleansing wipes. These are billed as “all-purpose” wipes and claim to be skin safe and cruelty free, so what do i have to lose? Answer? Maybe my old wipes. I love these, I have finicky skin, I can’t get poison ivy, but i can get chemical burns from a couple drops of gasoline. So I never know what I’m in for with “skin safe” products. In this case, no reaction to be recorded. No welts, hives, rashes, etc. I tried them out on dried liquids, liquefied solids, and even some caked on semi-solids (I have a toddler, a lot of messes get made). They work like a dream. The scent is a bit citrus-y and a bit herbal, certainly not bad, but also not what you might be used to. They don’t leave behind too much of the scent, which is just fine with me, and they take all the mess with them, too. The only downside? I don’t have a full pack of them. 

https://odetoclean.com/products/ode-to-clean-wipes

Well there you have it, July’s Daily Goodie Box in a nutshell. If you would like the opportunity to to be awarded a future box with more full and sample size goodies, simply sign up at dailygoodiebox.com and start making yourself heard on their social media. They give out tons of boxes every day, you could get one next.

Have a great day, my little void children.

[magic5ball]

Nature Trail to Hell Arc IV: Megamart of Darkness (2)

Chapter 2: They Paved Paradise…

           Honestly, I didn’t know what I expected paradise to be. Back in those days, the word made me think of one of two things: sitting under a blanket all day with my video games or those scented candles Mom always got for the bathroom.

A dinky little stock pond filled so high with trout their fins were breaking the surface was the last thing I would have thought of.

           Dinky or not, though, if I just sat there it was going to be my grave, and I acted accordingly: by kicking and screaming until I got what I wanted. Like the puppy dog eyes, I figured that if they worked on my parents, they’d work on these waddly little buggers. But natural selection must have been kind to those bird brains, because they did not relent in the slightest! It was like all the sympathy had been bred out of them over generations, and the rest was squashed by some rigorous training program. Heck, they seemed to work even faster after hearing me pout.

           There was a sudden feeling of lightness as they launched my climber into the air, followed by a splash as it slapped smack dab in the middle of the pond, my body still facing skyward. The sun was shining brightly that day; right in my eyes like it was taunting me.

           Then I began to sink. It was slow at first, like quicksand (I figure it was because of all the trout buoying me) but before long the sun was blotted out by a fifteen mile cloud of shimmering fish scales. By the time I’d sunk ten feet, it might as well have been night. My screaming got real bad after that, seeing how I couldn’t die and was probably going to spend the rest of eternity with my lungs caved in. And honest, I had no idea exactly how this equaled redemption. All I could do was let my last few bubbles of oxygen bounce right out of my mouth to the surface.

“Be calm, child.”

I didn’t know whose voice I heard, but it was like a loud, low gong going off in my noggin. Would have asked who was making it, if the source wasn’t already ten steps ahead.

“I’m simply here to help, and for any duress you may have experienced, I apologize. My followers can be quite… zealous, shall we say. Live action roleplaying is not a sport for those soft of spirit.”

Just like that, the trout started fleeing to the edge of the pond, letting enough sun in for me to see the bottom. I instantly wished they hadn’t. Because right in the direction I was heading came a dark walking tsunami of a beast with eyes like embers and teeth like steak knives.

I shut my eyes as the water started rushing around me.

                                                            .   .   .

When I finally got the courage to unseal my peepers, I realized it had all been a dream. Or had it? I was still at the stock pond, only I was on the grass next to it. Most importantly, I was free! Releif didn’t last long, though. Right next to me I could see the cat climber, ripped to shreds.

“Are you awake?”

The Voice!

I turned my head back and forth, trying to see where the voice had come from. It was night out, the only light coming from a rickety old streetlamp hanging over the pond. I would have wondered about the design choices that made the owners of Paradise decide to put a lamp there of all places, but frankly, I was more startled by the voice. There was something ancient, primal about it. Not in the pretentious way the Elves spoke, but something like rumbling thunder. Or an earthquake.

“Pardon me, but I asked, are you awake?”

Whoever was talking to me, they spoke in the dinosaur tongue. And not the street slang version I’d spoken in Hell. The real stuff.  Think listening to someone talk in an Italian accent, then hearing a real Italian. Like that.

So there I was, sitting in a little island of light, surrounded by darkness, listening to a faceless voice with only a few moths for company. It was a scene straight out of those stranger danger videos they made us watch back in 1st grade, right before little Georgie got dragged into the sewers by some faceless evil for believing a sewer might have delicious lollipops. Of course, besides the creeping dread of never finding out what exactly did happen to little Georgie, I couldn’t remember a single piece of advice from that stupid film, other than run, which clearly wasn’t an option given how dark it was.

Instead, I curled up like a snail on the grass. It was my only defense.

“I do not wish to harm you, Watterson Tostig. I only want to talk.”

A pair of eyes glowed like fire in the darkness, followed by the sound of wet feet on grass, coming closer, closer…

I screamed. It honked back.

Then there was… gasping? Wheezing?

“Sweet Osiris, child, you nearly gave me a heart attack!”

           Barely heard it, though, as it was still dark and I was still scared and I was hollering my head off. Kept at it, too, for a good ten seconds before I was aware I was still alive, so whoever was talking to me must have some sense of mercy. All slow-like, with that creeping sense of dread you get at a good horror film, I opened my eyes.

           A goose. The thing I’d been scared of this whole time was a freakin’ GOOSE! Or at least the basic shape of one. Instead of the brown body and white belly of the other geese, this guy had a grey body with a black and white streak on the wing. Neck was different, too. Grey, not black, with a pink bill and a reddish brown mask over the eyes. Oh, and their tongue was covered in spikes.  

The sight of that made me scream again.

The bird sighed, calming my nerves a tad. I breathed a sigh of relief, knowing that if he wanted to eat me, he’d have done so by now.

“Indeed, child. But I am no mere waterfowl: please, call me Bokrug.”

“Well, uh, thanks for saving me, Bokrug.” Most of my fear evaporated, replaced with relief I wasn’t going to be eaten alive.

“Many thanks to you as well, child, for most who have gazed upon my wretched form abscond into the night. Yet you have stayed. Would you, by chance, like to talk?”

Now imagine you’re a kid who had a goose walk up to him in the middle of the night, claiming to have saved your life. What would you do?

Long story short, I was there with Bokrug until sunrise.

We talked about… well I don’t remember this part too clear. Keep in mind I was still a ten year old who, at the time, was half asleep from exhaustion. Just that Bokrug had a lot of questions about how the world has changed in the last sixty years (apparently Elves gave him more ‘sacrifices’ than he’d ever need, but not one of the pretentious buggers could be bothered to pitch him a newspaper every once in a while).

“Once more, I would like to apologize for the behaviors of my… followers.” He sigh-honked the last part. “They have this odd habit of always sacrificing enemies to me, despite me being a pescitarian.”

“Pesci- What?”

“I eat fish.”

“Oh.”

“Watterson, I am truly grateful for your company, but before you continue on your journey back to the wretched Camp Sham (which I am sure is a long and arduous quest) there is a favor I would like to ask of you. You see, I cannot leave this pond, as I am a spirit bound to my bones. Bones residing at the bottom of this very stock pond.”

I imagined how pruned Bokrug’s feathers must have been after sixty years trapped in that dinky little fishing hole. It was not a pretty sight.

“But it was not always this way. Once, we Wood Elves lived in Paradise, usurped by a most befouled evil. My brethren shall explain in greater detail. Their skills of exposition far exceed my own. And there will be apologies, of course.”

Sure enough, I could see the little punks with their shopping carts hiding in the woods, beaks opened in shock as I made small talk with their God.

“Hey Bokrug?”

“Yes?”

“You’re not from here, are you? ‘Cause I’ve seen a lot of geese, but one with a little bandit mask over their eyes.”

“That, my child, is a story that began long ago, in a mystical land called Africa-“

“On second thought, nevermind. If it’s’ anything like the Africa stories Mom tells me, it’ll just make me feel bad about not finishing my broccoli.”

Bokrug let out a disgruntled snort as his white-cheeked worshippers waddled out from their hiding spots in the trees.