#probably find this funnier then it should be

[lyn31]

Random Girl

Summary

A playful game spirals into chaos as you pretend to be a "random girl" hitting on your own husband, Zayne—who tries, and hilariously fails, to fend you off.

Ao3 link

My Masterlist ✨

Notes

Pairing: Zayne x MC/Reader Married couple, silly, banter, short and sweet, I watch too much of this trend...

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Zayne sits on the couch, legs crossed, scrolling through a report on his tablet. The warm evening quiet wraps around the living room. Dinner’s long done, the dishes tucked away, and the air smells faintly of whatever candle you left burning in the corner.

You emerge from the bedroom with a suspicious glint in your eye and plop down beside him—far too purposeful for someone pretending to relax.

He doesn’t look up right away, but you catch the flicker of suspicion in his brow.

You lean in with a dashing smile. “Darling, think fast—I’m a random girl!”

Before he can say anything, you grab his face and kiss him. It’s firm, a little dramatic, and you feel him instinctively lean into it, his hand resting against your waist. Then you pull back with an exaggerated gasp, frowning.

“Zayne! I’m a random girl! You’re not supposed to kiss me back!”

He blinks. “But you’re my wife.”

“It’s hypothetical!”

Now he looks thoughtful, as if genuinely trying to parse the rules of this absurd little game. “Ah. I see.”

You squint at him, not letting go. “I’m a random girl,” you repeat, narrowing your eyes as you give his arm a little squeeze.

Zayne pauses, then very slowly tries to pull his arm free, his expression going carefully blank. “Miss, I’m married.”

Your grin widens. “Why are you pushing me away?”

“Because,” he says, with the perfect rhythm of someone about to drop an overly formal declaration, “I’m married.”

“I don’t mind,” you say, biting your lip dramatically.

He raises an eyebrow. “You should.”

You scoff. “Why? You’re hot.”

“I’m already married.”

You lean in further, eyes sparkling. “That just makes you even hotter.”

Zayne looks at you evenly. “You’re forward. But my wife is irreplaceable.”

Then—clearly unsure of how to actually push you away—he starts edging back stiffly, like someone doing a dramatic stage exit in slow motion. It’s so unconvincing that you can’t help but reach for him again, smiling.

Which in turn only makes him scoot farther back along the couch like you’ve just threatened national security.

You burst out laughing, flopping against the cushions with a hand to your chest.

He eyes you warily as you sit back up, prop your chin in both palms, and tilt your head, smiling sweetly.

“You’re so cute,” you say, batting your lashes.

That gets him.

For a second, his expression softens—just a flicker—but enough to see it. His brows relax, mouth parting like he’s about to respond. The faintest hint of color touches his ears.

Then he seems to catch himself. “…Is this you again?” he asks, cautious.

You shake your head, all innocence. “Nope. Still the random girl.”

He stands at once, scooping up his tablet in one smooth motion. “I’m a married man.”

Your laughter echoes after him down the hall—until you scramble up and chase your poor, suffering husband.

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Notes

I write this on my lunch break...... No judgement over my lack of restraint! ahahahahaha P.S. Idk why I find it so funny that all Zayne needs as a reason is that he's already married, and if they're not married yet, it's probably "I'm taken" statement LOL Also at first I was like this would fit better for the College AU but doing it to older Zayne is so much funnier 😂

And here's the list for their married/parehood life! Parenthood AU list ✨

[sturnispider]

”it started like..”

requested by @taytaysttpd

i wasn’t expecting her to be that pretty.

i mean — obviously i knew someone was coming. matt kept talking about “his friend from back home” and how “she’s chill, you’ll like her.” which, honestly, could mean anything. matt’s version of “chill” includes people who’ve broken three phones and ghosted their group chats for two weeks straight.

but when the door opened and she walked in — hoodie on, hair kind of messy, smile like she already knew the punchline to whatever joke i hadn’t told yet — it threw me off. in a good way. like the kind of off where i had to remember to unfreeze my face.

madeline said “you must be chris.”

i said “yeah. uh—yeah, that’s me. chris.”

cool. real smooth.

she stuck out her hand like we were meeting at a job interview. i took it, and she had this little ring on her thumb that clicked against my fingers. the kind of tiny detail that just sticks in your brain for no reason.

she sat on the couch like she’d been here a hundred times already, right next to nick, who didn’t even look up from whatever video he was editing.

matt said “madeline, this is the crew. crew, this is madeline.”

i said “where’d matt find you?”

madeline said “we met at a show like… a year ago? i told him his shirt was ugly and we’ve been friends ever since.”

i laughed. for real. like, stupid loud. didn’t expect that answer at all.

i said “so you started with bullying. solid first impression.”

madeline said “i like to set the tone early.”

something about her made everything else in the room go a little quieter. or maybe it was just me. the way she talked, the way she moved — confident without trying too hard. i found myself watching her when she wasn’t looking. not in a creepy way. just… curious.

at one point, matt got up to grab something and she looked at me, leaned back on the couch, totally relaxed.

madeline said “you’re quieter than i thought you’d be.”

i said “you’ve known me for five minutes.”

madeline said “yeah. still thought you’d be louder.”

i smiled and shook my head. i liked her already. which — kind of sucked. because when you like someone that quick, it usually means they’re about to live in your head rent-free for a while.

later, after she left, matt asked me what i thought.

i said “she’s cool.”

but what i meant was: i’m in trouble.

it’d been a week since she came over, and yeah, i was still thinking about her. not like, in a creepy way. just… more than usual. more than i should, probably.

she came back over on a friday. matt invited her again for some casual game night thing. it wasn’t even a big deal — a few people, snacks, uno cards on the table. but the second i saw her walk in, hoodie sleeves pushed up, hair tied back, and smiling like she wasn’t about to ruin everyone in the game, my brain just went static.

nick clocked it immediately.

nick said “yo, chris. try not to fall in love before she sits down, alright?”

i said “shut up.”

matt smirked from the kitchen.

matt said “he’s been in love since the minute she called my shirt ugly.”

i flipped him off, casually, respectfully.

madeline came over to the couch and flopped down next to me without asking. just like that. like it was her spot. and maybe it was.

madeline said “ready to get destroyed?”

i said “you talk a lot for someone who hasn’t seen me play yet.”

she grinned, leaned closer.

madeline said “confidence looks good on you, chris.”

i swear to god, if i didn’t keep it together in that moment, i would’ve walked out of the house just to scream into the night air. instead i sat there, heart doing double time, trying to act normal.

and the worst part?

nick was watching.

nick said (way too loud) “someone get chris a fan. he’s overheating.”

i tossed a pillow at him.

matt said “don’t be mad just ‘cause your crush is funnier than you.”

i said “you’re both insufferable.”

but madeline just laughed, nudged my arm, didn’t look away.

madeline said “don’t worry. i think it’s cute.”

that was it. game over. she could’ve taken every uno card in my hand and i wouldn’t have cared.

i was done for.

BOOMSHAKALAKAA I HATE MY BOSS GURNEJSNSKA AOSBSK

-@sturnispider

[palpatinescat]

Playing Persona 3 Reload at the moment and I just find it funny how the story has heartbreaking moments and then the protagonist is like "damn... anyway my crops are done. I should harvest them" 😂

Highly recommend

[tf2heritageposts]

this is my favorite achievement name by the way

[longagoitwastuesday]

I was tagged by @pegasusdrawnchariots. Thank you very much for the tag! I'm doing this before I forget and six months pass again lol

Three ships: Heathcliff and Cathy, Jack and Lacie. No one else holds a candle to these two truly, not even close, but I love Penelope and Odysseus, Lancelot and Guinevere, Hector and Andromache, Orpheus and Eurydice if they can be considered a ship at all given they're more structure than meat, Otacon and Snake, Han and Leia, whatever Cyrano/Roxane/Christian have going on, Rhett and Scarlett but also whatever Rhett/Scarlett/Ashley/Melanie have, Henry and Fanny, Obi and Shirayuki, Red and Blue/Green, Razumikhin/Dunya/Svidrigailov, Fermín/Ana/Víctor-Álvaro maybe, Kalpas and Sakura perhaps, Dong Mae and Ae Shin I guess, Ijichi and Gojo but also Gojo and Utahime, though these two are newish and probably I should not include them. I don't even know if I would say I ship many of these things, mostly I find the dynamics interesting.

First ship: hmmm I'm not sure. Perhaps Han and Leia when I was nine? Although I got into Star Wars for Anakin and Padmé. I remember having a lot of feelings about Zuko and Katara when I first watched Avatar when I was twelve. Although thinking back it may have been Red/Blue or Otacon/Snake/Meryl, or even Frank/Naomi, back when I was between 5-9 yo.

Last song: I can't recall. Perhaps Blue from Cowboy Bebop? Or Inkpot gods by Amazing Devil. They're actually both linked to the sunrises fic, which is why I listen to them.

Last film: For a few dollars more, again xD

Currently reading: I'm rereading On the Infinite Universe and Worlds by Giordano Bruno. Also comparing two editions of Cantor's Mathematical works, which I don't know if it counts even if it implies reading. Oh and Jujutsu Kaisen! This time steadily, in order, from beginning to end. I'm always taken aback by how much I care about this thing and its characters.

Currently watching: Cowboy Bebop! We're almost done with that, though. I guess you could argue I am also still watching Jujutsu Kaisen, even if I haven't watched an episode since last August. I think I'll give it another try soon. I suck at watching stuff.

Currently consuming: nothing. I have water with me, but nothing. My time or my life, I guess, in a broad sense.

Currently craving: a better life lol Jokes aside, nothing either, besides cherries (I always want cherries). Perhaps a small pastry, pretty but not too sugary. A lemon macaron or a red bean or matcha mochi.

I'm tagging @13eyond13, @cavarage, @bluebellbanshee, @eroshiyda, @nerd-bastard, @wearileigh, @mordredsheart, @jillvalentine, @song-of-amethyst, @whatevsbla, @elegyofthemoon, @redcandieddust, @peregrintook, @cutemercutio, @xonference, @fifteenrubies, @ccprovolomies

I'm tagging everyone ever, but I rarely remember to do these and I've been tagged in things before by many of you so you're all getting tagged. No pressure, though

[breathing-in-waves]

I've been sending family & friends an excessive amount of memes I created of Lewis Pullman in The Thunderbolts* and whenever I make a new one, I can't stop laughing. it's truly the greatest thing.

[trashcanflagic]

Every time I see Grian’s fisherman skin I can’t help but imagine his beard as cod scales that have grown out XD I love the fish headcannon and now I’m… hooked! Ah ah ah…

[jkjs]

no context

[spectresaurora]

This Too, Is Yuri

[darkladynyara]

I genuinely love how the notes are part "augh! this is horrible! nightmare fuel!" and part "ah yes. A typical husky".

i hate dogs with blue eyes. why is fucking jeff the killer at my back door

[alatariel-gildaen]

I think I need to go to bed. I'm writing. I was just trying to find the name of a ridiculously expensive red wine, and came across a likely sounding candidate on a *very* posh wine site. So I tried to copy the name of it to paste into my document.

This happened.

Someone make me stop.

[mieletcrepes]

there's an au an irl and i came up with like 3 years ago that has slowly been spiralling and i want to talk about it but every time i try it feels like i'm that one image of some guy pointing to a conspiracy board

[ectoplasmer]

finished (or at least got through part of the epilogue party in) bg3 today and ough. i’m going to be tormented by thoughts of post canon inula and astarion aren’t i

[this-nightmare-doesnt-exist-yet]

My cat had to be moved off the desk mid practice and somehow my microphone caught it in detail.

[leonardoeatscarrots]

Draw your blorbo as the mom that freezes to death in the mobile game ads

[autumnscribbles]

come back | r.c

summary: you and rafe get into a fight on a night out, when you’re left to find your own way home, you find yourself in a bad position

warnings: drinking, creepy men, i think that’s about it

wc: 2k

a/n: my first official rafe fic!!! thank you so much to the person who sent in this request, i’m a little rusty but had so much fun writing this! pls send more :) enjoy

~~~~~ ~~~~~~ ~~~~~~ ~~~~~~ ~~~~~~

You let out a loud laugh as JJ continued to tell you one of the most ridiculous stories you’ve ever heard. Between fits of laughter, you took small sips from your red solo cup. You were starting to feel tipsy, the alcohol coursing through you. It made everything funnier, and you found yourself leaning in towards JJ, unable to control your laughter. You clutched your stomach as he laughed along with you, his own laughter triggered by how much you were laughing. It was always an endless cycle with JJ, when one of you started to laugh, it was over.

“I’m gonna go get another drink,” you hiccuped, as you stared down at the empty cup in your hand.

JJ patted your leg and nodded at you before you stood up, making your way over to the table where the drinks were. The room spun slightly around you as you clumsily poured yourself another drink. You were mixing it yourself, and chuckled at how heavy handed your pour was. You tilted your head back as you took a sip, nodding to yourself in approval.

As you turned around to head back to the couch you were sitting on, you bumped into a familiar chest. You looked up at your boyfriend, smiling drunkenly at him.

“Hey! There you are!” you cheered, leaning your head on Rafe’s chest as you inhaled his familiar scent.

“Took you long enough,” he scoffed, stepping to the side and approaching the same table you were just walking away from.

“What does that mean?” you asked, furrowing your brows as you took another sip.

“It means you should probably lay off the liquor and maybe don’t hang all over JJ like an idiot,” he retorted, his eyes glued to the table in front of him.

You thought it was hypocritical, him telling you to stop drinking as he poured himself another rum and coke. He drank as much as he wanted, whenever he wanted and you never said a word to him about it. JJ had been your friend since childhood, your family taking him in when he had no one else. You grew up together. Your friendship would always be special.

“You should lay off the liquor,” you muttered under your breath as you walked away from him, going back towards JJ.

“Running back to him?” Rafe called out to you.

You turned around, seeing his bright blue eyes darken as he looked at you. His jaw twitched as he clenched it. You knew he was biting his tongue. Holding himself back from saying something he would really regret.

“You know what Rafe? You’re childish. JJ is my friend, and you know it. Maybe you should stop drinking and you wouldn’t be so fucking delusional,” you bit back.

Rafe rolled his eyes and you walked back over to JJ, plopping on the couch beside him again. He looked concerned as he asked you if everything was okay. You assured him you were perfect, and tapped your cup against his as a cheers.

You ignored Rafe as you saw him walk passed you, not even sparing you a glance. You knew you upset him, and that he was bothered. For once, you didn’t care enough to do anything until you got home. You didn’t want to cause a scene, and more importantly, wanted to have fun with your friends.

After a few rounds of pong with John B, Pope, JJ, and Kie, the alcohol was really getting to your head. You realized you hadn’t seen Rafe since your argument, anXd thought maybe you should look for him.

“I’m gonna get some air and look for Rafe,” you said to your friends, voice raised to be heard over the music. They nodded at you before setting up for another game.

You weaved through drunk, sweaty bodies before stepping outside. You breathed in the fresh air, closing your eyes as everything spun.

“You should lay off the liquor,” you muttered to yourself as you stumbled down the front steps.

You assumed Rafe would be outside. He usually stepped out for air when things were tense between you. He used it as a way to calm down. You were surprised when you didn’t find him.

You glanced down the street full of parked cars. You couldn’t spot Rafe’s truck. Did he leave? Would he? You felt tears springing to your eyes, suddenly feeling guilty for what you said to him. You pulled out your phone, calling him. It rang and rang, but eventually left you on voicemail. You shot him a quick text before sitting on the steps, spinning head in your hands.

“Hey…” you heard an unfamiliar voice behind you.

You looked over your shoulder to see someone you didn’t recognize. Obviously a kook, based on the polo shirt and khaki pants he had on. You had never seen him at one of these parties before. Or maybe, you just never recognized him.

“Hey,” you muttered, pulling out your phone to see if Rafe answered.

“Lost your boyfriend?” he asked, sitting down comfortably beside you. You felt yourself slide over, wanting distance from him.

“No,” you shook your head. “Just waiting for him.”

“Don’t think he’s coming back, sweetheart. I saw him get in his truck,” he chuckled. “I could drive you home though.”

“I’m good,” you answered shortly.

You stood up, taking a second to regain your balance. You had to go home. To find Rafe. You realized you didn’t have the keys to your place. Rafe had them. You came together and were going to leave together. You guessed you’d just knock until he answered once you got there.

You knew you should tell your friends you were leaving, but in a drunken haze you were too focused to go back inside. You’d just text them later.

The boy on the stairs was in a conversation with a clone of himself, so you started walking. The cool evening hair sent a slight chill down your spine, your shoulders exposed. You tried to walk as quickly as possible without falling.

When you heard footsteps behind you, you reluctantly decided to look behind you. You were surprised to find the boy from the stairs and his friend walking a few paces behind you.

You felt your heartbeat pick up a bit, your hand clutching your phone tightly, willing Rafe to call. You took a turn, and realized they were not too far behind you. Enough distance to try to make it seem like they weren’t following you, but you knew.

You decided you’d take the short cut. You had to go through the woods, but it wasn’t too far. The boys behind you wouldn’t know the path, even if they saw you turn off. You’d just run, you thought to yourself.

As you dashed quickly into the woods, your breath was loud in your ears. You were trying not to panic. You would be fine. You heard the footsteps behind you, branches cracking under their feet as their pace picked up. You’d run as far as you could.

Eventually, you slowed down, catching your breath. You squeezed your eyes shut as you tried to listen for the boys following you. Your heart beat hard in your ears as you took deep breaths. You didn’t hear them anymore. You were in the clear.

You pulled your phone out of your pocket and flashed the light, realizing you had no idea where you ended up. You were surrounded by trees, no path in sight.

“Fuck,” you whispered.

You started walking where you thought you had come from, hoping to end up back on the path. You’d tripped over something, landing harshly on the hard ground. You hissed in pain as tears started filling your eyes.

You dialled JJ, thinking maybe you had a better chance of reaching him. No answer. You tried Rafe again, and again, and again.

The third time, he picked up. His voice choppy on the other line because of the bad service.

“Rafe?” you cried, overjoyed that he answered. “I need help I-I was walking home and I cut through the woods to get home but I’m lost.”

“Y/N?” Rafe answered. “Where are you?”

“The woods, I-I don’t know where exactly. Please help me, baby,” you cried.

You couldn’t hear his reply as the call dropped. You cursed under your breath again as you began to cry. You didn’t even know if Rafe heard you. You felt yourself starting to crash, the adrenaline wearing off and the effects of the alcohol hitting you all at once. You felt your eyes flutter shut, and succumbed to the exhaustion.

You eyes opened again to a faint sound in the distance. You sat up, disoriented, your head pounding behind your eyes. You winced as you tried to figure out how much time had passed.

You heard a voice in the distance, and as it approached you realize they were calling your name.

Rafe.

He came.

“Rafe!” you screamed as loud as you could, trying to signal to him where you were.

You heard his footsteps pick up as they got closer, and you kept calling out. Eventually he was in front of you, crouch down as his hands cradled your face.

“Baby, oh my god,” he breathed. “I’ve been looking for you, are you okay?”

“I’m sorry I acted like a bitch,” you cried, falling into his chest. “I shouldn’t have talked to you like that.”

“Shhh I shouldn’t have left you there. I was a fucking asshole. I’m so sorry. What if something happened to you?” he rambled, holding you close.

“These guys were following me so I cut through the woods. I tried to get away,” you breathed. “I didn’t know what else to do.”

“What? Who?” he asked angrily.

“Doesn’t matter,” you sighed. “I just wanna go home.”

*

Rafe brought you inside and into the bathroom, turning the light on.

“You’re hurt,” he whispered. There was a cut down your leg, bleeding from when you tripped. You were covered in dirt, leaves, and branches.

“It doesn’t hurt,” you told him.

“Fuck,” he breathed. “I’m so sorry baby, I can’t say it enough.”

He turned the shower on, the steam starting to fill the room. He helped you gently peel off your clothes and step in, where he joined behind you. He rinsed off all the dirt and blood, and gently massaged your head with shampoo to wash out the dirt. You began uncontrollably sobbing as the warm water fell down your body, and you were so worn out you didn’t even know why anymore.

Rafe dressed you into your favorite pyjamas and brought you to bed, tucking you in gently. All while whispering that you were okay, that he was sorry, and that he loved you. He set down a glass of water beside you, urging you to drink it.

“Do you need anything? Are you hungry? Cold?” he asked.

You shook your head, reaching your arms out to him. He fell on the bed beside you as you lay on his chest, his heart beat faster than normal.

“It’s okay, baby,” you whispered to him, your eyes beginning to close. “I’m okay.

“I don’t know how I can forgive myself,” he said. “What if those guys..” he stopped himself before continuing. He didn’t want to voice what he was thinking. It was unimaginable.

“I shouldn’t have ignored you, or walked away when you were clearly upset. It was stupid,” you muttered.

“It doesn’t matter,” he whispered. “I was just being jealous and stupid. I overreacted.”

“As always,” you chuckled, making the corners of his mouth turn up.

He watched as your eyes began closing, your previously stressed out facial expression smoothing out.

“Just rest, baby,” he cooed as he rubbed his hand along your back. “I won’t leave you again.”

You finally gave in to your exhaustion, just happy to be safe and warm in Rafe’s arms. You didn’t care about the fight anymore, or anything that happened. All that mattered was you were safe. You were okay.

He came back. He would always come back.