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saffronapplemanga · 2 years

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Gene Bride - ジーンブライド

DRAMA, SCI-FI, MYSTERY

Gene Bride by Takano Hitomi

(2 volumes, ongoing)

JP only - English summary in this post

Links to my other manga posts here

I can't remember where I first saw this manga (the bookstore some time ago probably) and tbh I kinda forgot about it. But Colleen's Manga Recs made a video recently that reminded me I wanted to check Gene Bride out. So here we are.

This series won second place in the オンナ編 (Female Category) for the このマンガがすごい！ 2023 / Kono Manga ga Sugoi 2023 / “This Manga is Amazing! 2023″. (My post about the first-place winner here!)

Another blind read and all I knew about it was that it had sci-fi elements. After reading the two currently out volumes, I think we have yet another manga to throw into the "publishers, please license this" pile.

This manga has so many moments that made me go, "Mood."

Spoilers for volume one will be labeled and my thoughts will be after that. There's a twist at the end of volume one that I will label if you just want to know the premise without getting spoiled for the twist. Twitter reading thread here. Twitter link to this post here.

***SPOILERS FOR VOLUME ONE***

Isahaya Ichi is an entertainment journalist interviewing a director about his new movie. Literally, on page one, from the moment the director opened his mouth, I immediately disliked him. I'm not joking when I say from the first two words I already knew where he was going. The 「ね、君…」 "Hey, you..." gave me the ick and I groaned. I'm not going to Japanese language deep dive to explain but briefly — using 君 in this context is kinda rude and he should've referred to her as Ms. Isahaya. A more polite version would've been like 「あの/すみません、諫早さん…」 "Excuse me, Ms. Isahaya.” Anyway, the director proceeds to talk to Ichi in a way that many women are unfortunately familiar with, essentially not taking her seriously and being inappropriate. And Ichi is rightfully PISSED.

In the very next scene, she's going for a jog and... some creep is waiting for her to pass through her running route and... jacking off in public to her running past... Apparently, this isn't the first time that guy has done so. Yikes.

Back at her office, two men with an appointment come by. Opening the door for them, one of the men presents her with a box of chocolates and says, "Isahaya Ichi. Do you remember me? I'm Masaki Makuhito. I was your soulmate." He proceeds to mention something about "Gene Bride." Ichi doesn't remember him but finds out that he was a classmate at the academy she went to. After some funny and awkward back and forth, we learn that Masaki had tagged along with the other man, Takechi, to see Ichi so he could give her chocolates and thank her. But thank her for what?

That night, Ichi dreams of her school days and we see some images that raise a lot of questions. Young Ichi in uniform, teachers, a "Life Plan" survey for students to fill out (NOT a "Career Plan" survey), multiple bridal couples at a "Gene Bride" event, and a girl calling Ichi's name. She wakes up in a cold sweat.

Ichi's boss, Hibiki, gave Masaki extra tickets their office got to a viewing of the director's movie which causes them to run into each other there. After the viewing, they see the director and the director proceeds to sexually harass her again.

Ugh..........

Ichi notices that when Masaki was talking to the director, the conversation was... well, normal and relevant. They actually discussed the movie and its references instead of... her looks and the fact she's a woman. The two share a taxi when they leave and Masaki tells her that he wanted to thank her for something back in their school days. They were told to not eat or drink anything because the school was going to take saliva samples so they could pair up the students for "Gene Bride." However, Masaki accidentally ate chocolate and was afraid to tell the teachers about it. When he was trying to figure out what to do, Ichi stood up and told the teachers that she accidentally ate chocolate herself which gave Masaki the opportunity to hightail it out of there. The two of them ended up getting paired together for "Gene Bride" as a result meaning they weren't technically soulmates since their saliva tests couldn't be done properly.

I love them.

Understandably, Ichi starts wondering why Masaki showed up all of a sudden seemingly out of nowhere, why the academy and "Gene Bride" business came back up. She starts to remember her friend from the academy and it seems like something had happened to the friend, haunting Ichi. Essentially, she works herself up to the point where she thinks Masaki came to say his thanks because he's dying and he's wrapping up loose ends. But, uh... he's fine. He's not dying lolll.

Had me hollering tbh.

She later has a job for other interviews with men, and Hibiki doesn't want to send Ichi alone as the number of times she's been harassed on the job is just disgusting. So Hibiki considers asking a male friend to accompany her to ensure Ichi is safe while doing her job (LOVE Hibiki!!!). Just then, Masaki happened to be visiting their office and they ask him to tag along on the job. Unsurprisingly, the interview went smoothly, and Ichi was taken seriously and respected — all because Masaki was silently sitting next to her. He tried to excuse himself to use the bathroom but Ichi refuses to let him get up as the last time a male colleague left her for a moment, the harassment started as if a switch got flipped.

After the job is done, she looks at some rings in the window of a store, considering buying one. She walks away and Masaki asks if she didn't want to get a ring but she says she just wanted one to use as "bug repellant," which leaves him confused as to what she means. Ichi has another interview to do right after this and tells Masaki not to come. He asks why and she doesn't give him a straight answer and tells him to figure it out for himself while he waits for her to come back. At first, he says, "Whatever, I don't wanna know that bad anyway. I have other stuff to worry about." So Ichi replies with, "How nice it must be. You guys can just think about yourselves and only yourselves. Meanwhile, we have to think about you. Otherwise, we risk getting ourselves killed." She walks away leaving him, and the questions he's left with annoy him to the point he makes it his mission to find the answers.

Truly, what a concept.

It turns out the reason he couldn't come to this particular interview is because she was going to meet a voice actress who had been harassed so badly, she almost completely left the industry. She was thankfully able to make a comeback but now surrounds herself with only female staff.

When Ichi comes back to meet with Masaki after her job is done, he starts rattling off all the research he did and talking about all the questions he now has answers to. He also knows why Ichi was looking at rings and offers her one he bought for her while also acknowledging how ridiculous it is that she even has to consider such measures in the first place. She's thrown off by the whole interaction and Masaki himself. Turns out the ring was not actually a ring, but a hook he got from a craft store. He says something along the lines of, "It's really handy. It looks like a ring but if you flip it over it becomes a weapon with the pointy end, which is perfect for you because you're so aggressive. And! You can use it to hang something on your wall."

I love it. 10/10 scene. I was laughing, crying, screaming, kicking my feet.

The chapter ends with the sentiment that things can change for the better little by little, eluding back to a conversation she had with Hibiki at the beginning of the chapter.

Breezing through the rest of the volume, Ichi asks Masaki to help her find her friend, Enami, from the academy. He tells her that his mother can probably help as she had been working for the academy for a long time.

The principal and some "inner circle" students from the academy are traveling for an exchange event of some kind, but their plane is delayed because of thick fog (btw the fog is an element that is constantly brought up throughout the volume). A few of the students sneak away to a nearby movie theater to kill some time. The way the students talk raises a lot of questions. They seem to be special students, they've never been to the movies, never ridden the train, call their phones "communication terminals," and seem to seldom leave the academy.

***SPOILERS FOR THE TWIST AT THE END OF VOLUME ONE***

Ichi and Masaki happen to be meeting up at the same movie theater the students go to. One of the students drops her "communication terminal" on a ledge and tries to reach for it, almost falling over the railing in the process. Ichi grabs her and pulls her back to safety and Masaki retrieves the device for the girl. While handing it to Ichi, a voice from the phone says, "Facial recognition confirmed, device unlocked... Greetings, Isahaya Ichi." At that moment Ichi looks at the girl who takes off her face mask to reveal that the girl looks exactly like Ichi but younger, and has the same name but spelled with different kanji characters.

And the volume ends there.

In volume two we spend time with student Ichi and see adult Ichi and Masaki try to figure out what the heck is going on, as well as some adult Ichi flashbacks to her academy days with Enami. I'm super glad that the two Ichis each have their own personalities. While they might look exactly alike, they very much feel like different people.

***END OF SPOILERS FOR VOLUME ONE***

From the very first page and throughout the story, there are multiple instances of misogyny, sexism, harassment, etc. that women are not strangers to. I'm sure a lot of women can relate, but for those of you who don't, I still would recommend you read this. If you don't relate, to you I say, "Empathy is sexy."

Seeing other perspectives, learning from them, and trying to understand people is very attractive guys. It's science, I don't make the rules. That's why Masaki is best boy. Be like Masaki.

Ichi is hitting her breaking point, exasperated with all the bullshit she, and others, have had to deal with for being women. Multiple times, she says あたしたち "we/us (women)" when she's faced with yet more bullshit, expressing her exhaustion and anger at all the hurdles women face.

I have some theories about how these themes play into the plot but I'll hold off because of spoilers.

This manga has sci-fi elements that are slowly revealed to us. At first, everything seems rather normal and mundane. But once we do get bits of info and clues, you quickly notice something weird is going on. And the reveal at the end of volume one really doubles down on that feeling. I really enjoyed how things were slowly unveiled.

Our main duo, Ichi and Masaki, both have strong personalities, and their interactions are highly entertaining.

Masaki and I are kindred spirits.

Ichi is professional, but you can tell she's seething inside when she has to deal with harassment. Outside of work, she's got more of an edge and can be quite curt, but all in polite Japanese of course lolll. Masaki is just... hilarious. Everything he does has me going like, "omg that's me." Every scene he's in is a good time while simultaneously being torture for Ichi. The two have a fun dynamic, bickering while somehow clicking at times as a team.

Read it for Ichi and Masaki, they're great.

I'm interested to see what Gene Bride does with its themes. I can already tell some messed up stuff is probably happening, but I just have so many questions. Along with the intriguing plot and mystery, we have characters with distinct personalities and lovable, humorous moments throughout! Please license this...

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If there's any Japanese-only manga you want me to check out, let me know! No promises, I'll only read what I'm interested in, but I'll take suggestions into consideration. Preferably, shorter manga or newer manga with a few volumes out since I like to take breaks from longer series I'm reading :)

#gene bride #ジーンブライド #manga #manga recs #manga recommendations #manga discussion #shoujosei #josei #kono manga ga sugoi #josei manga

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aroace-poly-show · 1 year

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*sigh*

This is my second time typing this bc tumblr is a bitch. Therefore, no pretty bullet points or fonts, I'm just gonna use dashes, then copy paste from my notes app.

Anyway, YOU ASKED FOR SONG RECS, HERE ARE SOME!

I tried to not go too mainstream so you'd get plenty of new stuff. Many of these artists have plenty of other good songs too so if you particularly like one, check their other stuff!

Be aware some of these are violent and/or sexual as well as containing other potentially upsetting material, lmk if you need individual content warnings

- Belladonna Melodrama by Charming Disaster

- Constellation by Powderpaint

- Sex With A Ghost by Teddy Hyde

- The Woods by Sam Fermin

- The Fine Print by The Stupendium

- Sometimes by Nick Lutsko

- Farewell Wanderlust by The Amazing Devil

- Hell's Coming With Me by Poor Man's Poison

- The Haunted Phonograph by ThouShaltNot

- I/Me/Myself by Will Wood

- Love You Like An Alcoholic by The Taxpayers

- Scavenger by Shonalika (one of the members of Powderpaint from the second rec but i love them ok)

- Animal by Olivia Olson

- Falling Apart by Kim Boekbinder

- The Dismemberment Song by Blue Kid

- Rule #4 - Fish In A Birdcage by Fish In A Birdcage (from the album Fish In A Birdcage lmao)

- Fire Drills by Dessa

- Achilles Come Down by Gang Of Youths

- Six Feet by Mike's Dead

- Beautiful by Sopor Aeternus & The Ensemble Of Shadows

- Baby by Bishop Briggs

- Who I Am by Dope Saint Jude

- Fire With Fire by AlicebanD

- broken by lovelytheband

- Hello My Old Heart by Oh The Hellos

- Take All The Time You Need by Oh Honey

- Battle Cry by Shayfer James

- Dear Fellow Traveller by Sea Wolf

- Ship In A Bottle by Steffan Argus (I think)

- Dirty Night Clowns by Chris Garneau

- iT by Christine And The Queens

- This Is Love by Air Traffic Controller

and finally, and I think this is the most mainstream one but I feel like they're not as well known anymore as they used to be

- Brass Goggles by Steam Powered Giraffe (i prefer the 2009 version)

Bonus (if you speak German and/or don't mind music you don't understand): Antifascista by ZSK

I swear my music taste is usually more varied (and upbeat lmao) but I've been having The Depression

Hope you like a few of them!

I FORGOT ABOUT THIS IN MY DRAFTS OOPS FDKJHGHG

i didn’t end up listening to all of them, i fell out of the wanting to listen to new music mood, maybe some other time i’ll finish them all but here’s what i listened to so far:

gonna categorize these songs cause its a lot kjfshjg, i will add my comments if i have any about songs in particular 👍

already in my library:

sex with a ghost, i/me/myself, achilles come down

i haven’t listened to sex with a ghost in FOREVERRR, i/me/myself and achilles come down are in a previous main playlist but i got kinda tired of them and i’m on a new main playlist at the moment. i did relisten to them just for the sake of it. i might add them back to my main playlist :)

couldn’t listen all the way through:

animal

sorry i wanted to finish the whole thing but it really just isn’t my thing… its not bad just not for me

not my thing:

i love you like an alcoholic, animal

i have kind of mixed feelings about love you like an alcoholic tbh.

it’s okay:

broken, the woods, beautiful

the woods feels like that one vflower song to me, boccalla de verita? whatever its called, where it took me a while to get used to and now i actually really like it. i feel like i’ll probably like it eventually

beautiful is nice but its so long and i can tell i’ll get bored of it really quickly. its a bit boring for me tbh. its nice though i might listen to it occasionally :)

kinda catchy:

falling apart, belladonna melodrama, fire drills, constellations, the fine print, baby

ok i really like this:

dear fellow traveler, dirty night clowns, take all the time you need, haunted phonograph, battle cry, iT, rule 4 - fish in a birdcage,

downloading immediately:

antifascista, hello my old heart, hell’s coming with me

i never mind songs in other languages even if i don’t understand them!! as you can probably guess i have a ton of japanese (usually vocaloid) songs, and i had some other german song in my playlist at one point but i think i removed it from there and i can’t remember the name 💔

anyway antifascista FUCKS i like this a lot going into my main playlist immediately it’s loud and they yell and its a good pace i fucking love it

#asks #anon #music recs #TYY ANON BTW!!! ILY FOR THIS #hope you feel better btw :)

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erectedingold · 7 days

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Life Update

Writing this on my phone, think i might rn getting a little sick 😓

but lots going on rn, started school & tbh as i get older i realize school ain’t that bad bro! im so thankful for my classes & i dropped a science class cause fuck science i hate that shit SO MUCH. but when i was doing that i mentioned in my email to my guidance counselor the college im wanting to go to & she says to me “you probably won’t get in your gpa isn’t there & your SAT scores aren’t there as well, maybe check out *college*”

first of don’t talk to me like that. i know academically i am far from great but my talent & ambition outweighs ALL of that. never tell an artist they can’t go to an art school they deadass don’t even have math classes there dude like who tf do you think you are? i know my talent & what i can & cannot do so don’t doubt me ever again bitch LMAO. second don’t tell me where YOU think i should go. like please. i am being so fr don’t ever tell me where i belong because ill go where i want. so watch yourself the next time you talk to me.

that whole interaction ruined my day. my whole life i’ve been doubted but i know who i am & what i can do.

but i wrote my essay & it’s amazing, & now im gonna get 2 letters of recommendation from my teachers. one from my english teacher & the other from my business teacher. then i got 2 open responses i need to write for & then i can send my applications. if i don’t get into this school im applying for in boston idk what ima do tbh, im applying to one in NY & one in NYC but like fuck bro i’d rather one here in boston especially when i have friends here. also applying to one in california 😴

but back to school, i think the older i get the more i realize how EASY shit is, my math is easy, my english is easy, intro to psychology easy, history is a joke, & my related class is easy. it’s just managing time in the class room like damn it makes me annoyed that my senior year of high school i don’t have anxiety with school anymore 😭 is what it is though that just makes this year easier for me 🙏

my new film is dropping tomorrow i’m really nervous for it i’ll be honest idk why, im afraid of it getting NO views but also it doesn’t matter it’s my art & im proud of it 😴 it don’t matter what anyone thinks because i do it for me 🤷 i make art because creating makes me feel alive. that’s what i do it for, i make because its second nature to me, it’s like breathing i don’t think about to at all it comes so naturally to me & im truly blessed to have my brain this way.

i hope everyone who views it can feel the passion though 🙏

I’m also not taking any disrespect anymore, i’ve been on my journaling shit & some more self development. i’m going to start reading more because i want to be a better writer & also expose myself to more challenging material. i’ve been watching more international films which has been on my list for a while, subtitles aren’t that scary guys! enjoy the art made around the world never let a language barrier stop you from that.

but also finally just more self discovery on my end & solidifying my boundaries whether people like it or not because i will NOT allow myself to be disrespected in my one life. idgaf if it’s just “jokes” because my perception is my reality & if your joke is disrespectful then shut the fuck up 🤷 i also won’t be giving my energy to people who don’t match or or appreciate me. you don’t deserve me. there some people who i show nothing but kindness & give the biggest helping hand to when needed & i don’t get that energy back so guess what im not trying anymore because you’re not worth my time. simple as that.

i’m not going to give pieces of myself to people who no longer deserve it. i know that i always have good intentions & share my kindness always & i will no longer allow myself to be a doormat. people have mistaken my kindness for weakness & i won’t let them mistake it anymore.

i don’t have to have everyone like me or respect me so boom if you don’t get out of my life i don’t need you because when i look in the mirror i love myself & respect myself & that’s all i need. as long as you have yourself you have somebody.

i’m also cutting out some bad habits that i started that have been damaging to myself. i deserve better because i love me.

i am proud of me & who i’m becoming. ive been making big changes this year & im telling you 2025 will be the year of diego. im manifesting it.

but yeah i’ve been getting closer with my dawg nathan much respect & love to him always. amazing & talented filmmaker who is my best friend dude & im happy me & him have gotten closer recently. we both got broken up with around the same time & we’ve talked like everyday since dude, the universe has plans for us. we’re gonna be great i can feel it.

&& speaking of universe that’s another thing. the universe has a plan for everyone including you reading 🙏 if you feel lost something will happen to bring you onto the right track of self discovery & self love. keep going even when it’s hard because the reward will be great. i have full trust that everything i manifest will come to life & i’ll reach all my goals.

thank you for reading this blog post, lots of changes in my life & i am human & experiencing & living & breathing & feeling emotions. thankful for my mind.

- Diego Muñoz

#blog #writing

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bitchimasnake-sss · 11 months

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their love language ft. the monster trio! ayeee <3

another silly little set of headcannons for the biggest dumbasses in all the seas!! ft. luffy, zoro, sanji x GN! reader set-up: y'all idk, im just in the one piece vibe today (i say, 456th day in a row) warnings: slightly suggestive for zoro and sanji's part m.list

luffy:

physical touch!!! - omg i dont even need to explain this. - this man has NO CONCEPT of personal space. - doing your makeup? okay just sit on his lap when you do it (not even in a sexual way my lord get a grip). looking at the sea dramatically? okay hold his hand anyways while you do that. eating lunch? yeah he's touching your calf with his toe like a weirdo. - but he is a weirdo we love - this isn't exclusive to just you. the entire crew is his tree and he is a fucking koala. a himbo koala who you love. - but ever since you started dating, yeah it is quite hard for him to leave your side. - you entertain it but there are instances like this: "luffy please get off my arm, i cannot wash the dishes like this" this usually leads to him saying okay and rearranging himself to hold you from your waist as he stands behind you. - as much as you love it, there are moments when you just cannot anymore but king luffy can make you change your mind with his fucking grin. - also no need to mention that luffy is 100% the most emotionally mature/understanding of the crew, so he will give you space whenever you need it. - he just thinks it's better if you cry in bed about something when he's nearby bcause "what if you realize you're crying cause youre hungry?? then i will have to fetch you meat. i should be around for that." "luffy. i never cry because i'm hungry." "you don't know that. what if you were hungry all along??" - you gave up. - actually its quite nice to hold someone's hand when you cry. you quite like it. - just let him hold your hand when you're going through your bi-weekly mental breakdown, he appreciates you <3

zoro:

pretty mf aaahhh <3

words of affirmation!! - i do see him as a hoe for words of affirmation. argue with the wall. i cannot hear you lalalala. - he has subconsciously decided he needs to be strong for the crew, for you, for himself. weaklings cannot be the worlds greatest swordsman, after all. - everyone on the crew appreciates him ofcourse, but it is almost routine for him to save them any time of the day (or even someone else for that matter) - so when (pre-dating) you absent-mindedly thanked him for catching a sea-king for dinner, he was stuck. - like physically stuck. homeboy was frozen. staring at you like a deer in headlights. - when you asked him if he was okay, he brushed you off and you didn't see him for the rest of the evening (not even for dinner). he wouldn't admit it, but he stuffed his head against a pillow and almost screamed. and then he grinned against the same pillow for the rest of the night. what the fuck was wrong with him. - post-dating you has since found his kryptonite. - he did the most basic thing? he showered for once? say thank you and watch as he fucking melts into the ground once and for all. oml tell him he looks pretty and he will probably go to his room and cry. (please tell him he's pretty.) tell him his training form is good, he is ready to become a malewife (doesnt even know what that is but he is ready.) - still refuses to admit his weakness though. - "thankyou so much for taking me out on that date. i had so much fun." he is blushing ear to ear, he is fighting off a grin, he is shrugging but in reality he is fighting off a stupid dance move, "it was no big deal" "yes it was. thank you. i love you." yeah, he now believes he loves you 169% more than he did like 2 seconds ago - turn him into a bottom in one second by appreciating him during sexy times. (v. v. fun). he becomes a flustered, blushing mess. - appreciate him. he blushes. you get a good view. win-win situation tbh

sanji:

acts of service!! - he might be smooth with words and always ready to pull off a grand gesture to show his love for you but you make him toast when he's sick and he is asking you to marry him - actually he always asks you to marry him but like this is special to him - please give him a cookie and watch him fall on his knees i beg you - it isn't even limited to him. he sees you help chopper carry something particularly heavy or sees you taking care of nami when she has a cold and he is ready to wife you up again. - it could be the smallest of things and it would still make him fall heads over heels in love with you once again - you found his lost sock for him? heart eyes. you brushed and braided his hair as a joke when he was laying in your lap? his head is spinning. you bought him a tie to match one of his suits? he's practically foaming at the mouth. - whatever you do, no matter how small, expect 10x more in return "you did this for me?" (referring to the smallest of things) "yeah" you shrug "i am gonna make you doughnuts now." "you don't have to-" "no. i will." - he is up before the sun rises, making you doughnuts now cause yesterday before sleeping you laid out clothes on the bed for him - just such a nice human being i luv him - but if you do plan to pull a big gesture like taking him out on a date, be ready to be wined and dined and then some more (he has quite strong legs, he can stay on his knees for hours if you know what i mean) - anyways just like love him and buy him a perfume cause you thought he'd like it - he is now ready to die for you at 200x the speed he was before

a/n: going thru one piece brainrot session rn m.list

#one piece #op #monster trio #one piece zoro #roronoa zoro #vinsmoke sanji #monkey d luffy #one piece headcanons #one piece men #zoro x reader #sanji x reader #luffy x reader #opla #one piece luffy #one piece sanji

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the-kipsabian · 1 year

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🥺 🎢 ✨ ⛔ ❌ 🎃 🎯 👀 🧠 (orange cassidy :3c) 📚

🥺 Is there a certain type of moment or common interaction between your characters that never fails to put you in your feels? answered here ~

🎢 Which of your fics would you call your wildest ride? i dooooont? really think i have one that would count in this? im leaning towards immortal fears but its not that obvious yet, but thats probably one with the twists and turns its promised to have so. that one lol

✨ Give you and your writing a compliment. Go on now. You know you deserve it. 😉 im allowed to answer this one again, right lol? i like my characters with distinguished voices and i think i give them to them. and i think im good at it so

⛔ Do you have a fic you started, but scrapped? oh so many.. somehow most of them include chris lmao. the reunion fic with him and kip. so many with him and drew. the caring taking one after chris popped his shoulder. the blindfold fic. so so many

❌ What's a trope you will never write? answered here ~

🎃 Do you write fics for certain holidays? Which is your favorite holiday inspired fic? i dont think i have any up tbh lol, but ive always been very fond of christmas themed fics. i'd love to say halloween, but due to cultural differences thats never been a staple for me. even christmas is difficult cause of the same reasons, so i guess its more about seasonal stuff than holidays for me, really? so in that case yeah fall and winter tropes my beloveds

🎯 Have any of your readers accurately guessed major plot points? Care to share which? years ago when everything i did was longform yeah. these days not so much, buuuuut ive had few correct speculations in tags of immortal fears. i'll leave it at that lol (and im always so happy when i see people speculating and guessing things, especially if they grab onto hooks im setting up cause nothing makes me !!!!! more as a writer actually planning my stories than that! so!!)

👀 Tell me about an up and coming wip please! this is probably a copout lol, but i have a three parter hanahaki fic with kip and chuck coming out hopefully soon! i personally really like it so far so i hope it hits more people too, but yeah its gonna be angsty! and sad!! and i love every second of it!!! i hope youre ready :)

🧠 Pick a character, and I'll tell you my favorite headcanon for them. this is no secret, but agender!oc. hes just so beyond of caring about how he presents himself (he cares a little about how he is perceived tbh but usually he doesnt take it personally, its just how it is) and what he identifies with. hes not a man, not a woman, not in the binary. hes just orange <3

📚 Would you ever want to turn writing into a career? i have.. wanted this for like twenty years lol. unfortunately its incredibly difficult thing to do, even more so in my corner of the world cause our circles are so ridiculously much smaller, that theres. only a handful of veeeery famous names that make a living with writing. which i guess is what always puts me back in my hopes and dreams, but maybe one day. i'd love to at least write and publish something, even if its self published. i have plenty of ideas that i would just need to write tbh, but then theres language barriers and everything so.. its a difficult thing

short answer - yes absofuckinglutely. ive always wanted that, just getting there is really hard for me

fanfic writer asks ~

#thank you for asking! <3 #midnightpretenders0

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ohitsra · 2 years

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the last couple of days have been great man

-only 2 days of school cause of ramadhan so today was the last day of school this week

-in counseling all of us had to make a presentation abt what are we gonna do after we graduate middle school and it was really cool to see what everyone wanted to be

-went to this 'book' store/ supplies/ music store (its supposed to only be a book store but i guess they expanded it) with someone i wanted to know better, one of my closest friends and we had a pretty damn good time

-with little to no hw i've been waking up early (like i usually do) but use it to play minecraft :D theres a cave i really wanna explore and there was two creepers literally blowing off next to me and i D I D N O T die

-got my results for the second tryouts and on the 4 subjects i got higher score in all of them! :D very very proud of my self even thougu it was little as long as i improved (v proud for my native language scores improved really well on that one)

-during sports my homeroom teacher/counseling/computer lab resident teacher let me and two of my other friends to cool down on the floor with AC on and it was a m a z i n g. we shit-talked and said some very absurd things (probably my teacher shouldnt have heard some of em) but it was great man just us. on the cold ground. staring at the ceilling. i loved it.

-we made plans to go this history museum on thursday and im really lookin forward to it

-home alone for overnight and it was very fun and relaxing tbh (slept at like 8 literally)

-tommorow i have no school and my parents are planning to go out to the mall altogether! :D we rarely do those and im excited

uh yeah thats all i should probably finish my native language hw ok well thats all :) these two days been great

#gendersarchnemesis #ilovethesetwodaysman #likewow #imhappy?#hmph #itwasamazing

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sevilemar · 2 years

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I admired my Ma a lot ( I still do) but I realized pretty quickly that we were different. I don't have the social skills or connections that my Mom does though I managed to be really hard working. It harder for me to connect with people and my Mom and Dad really emphasized that I needed to work on my social skills. I kind of had to 'train' myself to become more social. For example one Summer whenever I ran I would say hi to everyone I met on my run. Now its like second nature and I'll even wave at cars. I had to train myself to initiate or engage in conversation because otherwise I won't. I did do a work around though where I just keep asking the other person questions and I don't really have to talk. I'm really good at coming up with questions because I'm a naturally inquisitive person. I sometimes ask too many so my family (including my Mom) will limit the amount of questions I can ask. She always kind of made me feel like I did tasks or things the 'wrong way'. Like if I cleaned the dishes she would look them over and put them back in the water. It's caused me to not really want to help out unless she asks for something specific. I'll hover nearby in case she needs me to get something, but I won't initiate which upsets her. I like it when I can learn and do things alone because I feel like i can do them the way I want and won't be judged. My Mom provided for the family and made sure we had the practical stuff but I felt wasn't really there emotionally? She doesn't really see a need to like TELL us she loves us when she shows it. However since one of my main love languages is words I do need it. I tried telling her that but it always ends up with us being frustrated. I feel like she's more forthcoming in her verbal affection with my Dad and Brother though. I joke that she has a number one, two and three in the house and she doesn't find that funny. She doesn't seem very interested hearing about my interests. Or if she did listen it would be for a limited amount of time. So I had to get out as much as I can before I was shut down. She does try sometimes to ask but it never feels genuine after all those times of shutting me down. My Mom's still probably the one in the house I'm most connected to though, but still

Oh man, I feel ya on the training yourself to do human interactions. I would much rather sit in a tree reading a book as a kid, than be on the ground and potentially having to talk to another person. Still prefer that, actually, minus the tree. My aging body does not react well to sitting in trees for hours anymore. When I went to summer camps or on school trips, the letters my mum hid in my luggage always included an encouragement to go out and connect with people, and not hide behind a book so much.

I think overall it was a good thing. I was bullied on and off in school, so my experiences with social interactions were not always good, and mum's encouragements were stressful sometimes. But especially summer camps and the like, where nobody knew me from school, were a great opportunity to make different, better memories. If I didn't have these experiences, I think a) my childhood would feel a lot less happy, and b) I'd have even more problems connecting with people now. How do you feel about it?

Questions are great for making connections. Everyone likes talking about themselves, and as long as they talk, you don't have to. Although I find that if I ask too many without telling stuff about myself inbetween, people will close up.

The way your mum redoes your work does not sound very confidence-inducing, tbh. No wonder you prefer to learn by yourself. I have a badger friend who is very particular about cooking. Now, I'm not much of a 'sit by and watch other people do the work' person, so the best way for me is to ask him how exactly he wants the onions sliced, or the dough kneaded, etc. It fulfills my need to help, and minimises his discomfort with things not being done right.

It's not easy when your family and you don't speak the same love language. I think the only thing you can kinda do is learn theirs a bit? Like, identify what they use, and try to communicate with them through that? I think this might be a very snake sec answer, though^^

I'm not gonna get into your family dynamics, because I don't feel comfortable talking about it. I'm also not quite sure why you're telling me all this, nonny. I'm down to just chat like this if you like. It's kinda nice to find another who has similar experiences ☺. If you want more shc focus though, just let me know.

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chromes-corner · 3 years

Text

Longing

Dark Choco/Reader

Notes: Some late-night angst for the soul

Content Warnings: Takes place after a sexual encounter so the language can get a touch suggestive but really only if you squint tbh. Nothing explicit. It’s also basically one long internal monologue by Dark Choco and has a theme of self deprecation.

A/N: This sucks so bad and its so prose-y but the idea wouldn’t leave me alone. My favorite Olympic sport is making Dark Choco hurt lol

Dark Choco cannot sleep.

He’s scanned the dark ceiling a thousand times. He’s counted, sheared, and even sorted all the sheep his mind can muster. He’s gotten his controlled breathing down to such a science, he could probably publish a cited journal on it. Still, however, rest continues to elude him. It’s like his circadian rhythms are toying with him; like it’s seeing how long it takes to break him. Dark Choco cannot be broken, however.

So Dark Choco lies awake.

The bed beneath him shifts. He glances over to the body beside him. Your breathing is so deep, so even as you roll onto your side in your slumber. Your back faces him now. It is better this way. To look upon your features would only bring guilt to Dark Choco. The lamb should not be bedfellows with the wolf. Still, he gazes upon you and he aches. There is something sinister about the situation he finds himself in. It puts him off in a way he hasn’t ever known before.

He’s seen great strife in his days. He’s seen death. Slaughter. He’s seen the heels of kingdoms slashed as their leaders were brought to their knees. He had stood stoic throughout that dark age. Yet, as he lies awake in the bed of another, he struggles. How could you let him into your home, into your bed, knowing what he’s done?

No, you are not the one to blame. It was he who bit upon that apple. You could not be faulted for simply being the catalyst that caused the apple to grow. Temptation had hardly been a problem until he met you. However, from the very first touch, those seeds were sown and began to take root in his head. Dark Choco had plucked and plucked at the vines that coiled around his arms and legs. He tore the blossoms from his chest, but with every lingering touch of yours, with every honeyed word, more would bloom.

He had sworn off all worldly pleasures before he met you. He believed he was undeserving of anything that would bring him contentment. He still believes that. The sword still haunts him. Though it is not with him tonight, he can still feel its magnetic pull in the way that the blood pulses against his fingertips. With every thrum of his heart, he can feel its presence chained to his soul. Yet, he thinks, when he was focused on you and the intimacy of the moment, the cursed throb had dissipated. The chains had become brittle. This did not bring Dark Choco solace, however. Which unsettled him more? Being cursed forever, or being freed by another after having been tethered for so long?

You are so peaceful as you rest, blissfully ignorant of the war beside you. He watches the steady rise and fall of your chest. For a moment, he allows a surge of hope to strike through his heart; hope that you can give him redemption; hope that the fact that of all people you have given him such a precious gift of trust means that he’s even worthy of being redeemed. But the spark of hope is only that: a spark. It radiates for but a moment then disappears into the night.

He is undeserving of the second chance you have given him. You are undeserving of the ugly corruption that he knows will undoubtedly seep through his skin and spill out onto you. You are a beacon of radiance and warmth and love. He is a blanket of suffocating darkness that chokes out the light and snuffs the warmth in a vacuum of pitch and cold and hate.

There is something deeply buried that twinges in his heart for you. Something he hasn’t known for a long time. He takes one last, longing look at you before turning away once again.

Dark Choco cannot sleep.

So Dark Choco leaves.

#cookie run x reader #cookie run #cookie run kingdom #dark choco cookie #dark choco cookie x reader

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shingia · 3 years

Note

hopefullyy this inspires u to write,,, can i request hc's of the boys getting jealous seeing their s/o work well with another person on a team/club? like good chemistry with a dance partner for example! (u can choose who u write but can it include iwa!!) <33

✗ HQ BOYS GETTING JEALOUS SEEING YOU WORK WELL WITH ANOTHER PERSON ✗

a/n : kdjfkdjdkdj i love this request omg ty ! i did half hc/half scenarios bc i thought the request fitted this format <3

-> iwaizumi, osamu, kuroo, suna, tsukishima

-> warnings : kuroo’s a bit suggestive (tbh i don’t know about the rest. it’s just... kinda hot? (tsukki’s only fluff tho<3))

-> reblogs are >>>>

— IWAIZUMI

• iwa’s jealousy was practically non existent until he actually saw you interact with your partner

• don’t get me wrong, he absolutely loves your smile - but he especially loves to be the one who caused it

• he tends to get physically very protective of you, so expect his arm to stay wrapped around your shoulders most of the time. because to him it’s the easiest way to show the world (but especially your partner) that you’re his

• he also not-so-subtly offers you to wear his clothes on days when you have practice. and he secretly hopes that someone will ask you who they belong to...

« it’s cold outside. you should wear this ». iwa’s low and unannounced voice makes you turn around in surprise. leaned against the bathroom’s doorframe, he’s holding your favorite jacket in his hand - the one with his name written on the back, and you suspect that this might not be a coincidence... with a chuckle, you agree to put it on, noticing the proud spark in his eyes. « you know, i’m pretty sure everyone already knows i’m dating you » you tease him with a wink, all while also admiring the way his name takes up the whole width of your back. « oh yeah ? » he asks, a smirk tugging at his lips as he leans forward to rest his hands on the sink behind you. trapped between his outstretched arms, you watch his smirk grow just a little bit bigger as he lets out, very quietly, « well this is just a reminder... it better be the last ». his green eyes locked with yours could almost make you forget about his arm snaking around your waist at a painfully slow pace. almost.

— OSAMU

• look, he’s very happy for you. no doubt about it. but he’s so used to see people fawn over his brother that he can’t help but get a little protective from time to time

• since gifts are his #1 love language, he might buy you a workout-friendly piece of jewelry that you can wear during your practice

• he also insists on dropping you off and picking you up as often as his busy schedule allows it. especially since he learned that your partner was willing to give you a ride home...

• it’s not that he doesn’t trust you, obviously. he just doesn’t trust them yet

• and that’s why his kisses - and pda in general - are a bit more « intense » than usual

leg bouncing up and down, osamu is (very) anxiously for your conversation with your teammate to end. because after watching the entirety of your practice, he needs a little reminder that you two also have incredible chemistry together... a better one, even. so as soon as he sees you wave your teammate goodbye, he stands up straight, arms open just wide enough to welcome you against his chest. but instead of the chaste kiss you expected to get, you’re actually greeted by his left hand grabbing your sides while his right meets your lower back. disconcerted, you don’t even have time to say a word that his mouth crashes onto yours so eagerly that you have to lean back a few inches. « wh-what was that for ? » you pant as soon as his warm lips have left yours. « nothing. i love ya, that’s all » he smiles innocently, glad that you didn’t notice the cocky look he just gave your teammate who witnessed everything from afar... exactly as planned.

— KUROO

• passive agressive™️

• he would insist on properly meeting your partner but oh god they better brace themselves,,,

• because kuroo’s the kind of boyfriend that will shake their hand hard enough to make them yelp, all while having an angelic smile plastered on his face

• oh and you can forget being called by your name : he’s going to demonstrate the entire variety of nicknames he has for you. he might even come up with new ones just because he’s feeling « inspired »

• every single thing he says to your partner has to be a reminder that you two are dating. like « oh yeah they told me about this yesterday.. during our date ». just to make sure that there’s no misunderstanding.

« well... speak of the devil », kuroo hears you chuckle, your voice almost drowned out by his heavy breathing. he’s obviously planing on apologizing for being late... but not now. there’s something he wants to do first. still very aware of your partner’s presence right in front of you, he decides to securely yet eagerly wrap his arms around your waist before spinning you around proudly. « so... you guys were talking about me ? » he asks, glad to know that he’s the reason behind your giggles. « we were, actually » you answer a bit more seriously as he finally puts you down, still keeping both his hands on your waist. « well, i am your boyfriend after all... » he starts, interrupting himself to place a loud peck on your jawline. the only thing you can think is about is how awful this situation must be for your partner... kuroo, on the other hand, doesn’t seem bothered at all, as shown by the way one of his hands discreetly makes its way under the fabric of your t-shirt to rest directly on your skin. « hands off, kuroo » you order him with a slap on the back of his hand. an offended gasp leaves his lips, yet he complies reluctantly, thinking that your partner probably already knows everything that needs to be known about him.

— SUNA

• he doesn’t really mind it... as long as you’re willing to cuddle once you get back from practice. if you’re not, then he’s gonna start to worry

• because cuddling is probably his favorite ‘boyfriend privilege’ and he doesn’t want it to be taken away from him

• his schedule is pretty tight so he might not be able to attend any of your practices, but he asks you to record it as much as you possibly can so that he can watch the videos with you afterwards

• and seeing how smoothly you and your partner move together definitely doesn’t help with his worrying

it’s been thirty minutes now, and suna’s still not done watching the videos you took today. he loves to share these moments with you, snuggled up against each other the bed ; but most importantly, he has someone to keep his eye on... « babe- are you 100% sure that this was part of the choreography? » he suddenly speaks up, his eyes leaving the screen for the first time. you quirk a curious eyebrow, more surprised by his unusually suspicious tone rather than by the question itself. « oh, the hand on my waist ? yes, rin. it was ». at your words, his lips press into a thin line, he’s obviously far from being convinced. but you know your boyfriend well and you’re quick to reassure him : « you know, his hand might have been on my waist but you’re the one laying in my bed right now ». the frown on his face disappears almost immediately - much faster than you would’ve thought, replaced by a much more confident expression as his hands start to gently stroke your sides up and down. « mmh, i guess you’re right.... i mean, at the end of the day, only i get to have ‘all of this’ for myself » he smirks, playfully eyeing you up and down until he can’t resist the temptation of your slightly parted lips anymore.

— TSUKISHIMA

• tsukki’s not jealous, he’s just... well.. cautious. or at least that’s what he tells you

• but, deep down, he knows that simple cautiousness wouldn’t make spend his days and nights stressing about this new partner of yours...

• so, after a few weeks, his impassible facade starts to crumble a little bit. nothing too extreme, but just enough to let your partner know that you’re taken.

• and he knows he doesn’t need to do much : one of his signature scornful looks is more than enough. especially when he’s staring at your partner dead in the eyes while you’re greeting him with a hug and a kiss after your practice

« tsukishima kei, i’m waiting for an explanation ». with a sigh, your boyfriend drops his book on the table, turning his chair around to face you. « i don’t have one, i already told you. you told me to introduce myself, and i did. end of story ». you both know that tsukki did not just ‘introduce himself’ like any other human being would have done. and that’s precisely what you’re trying to make him admit - because your partner looked genuinely scared during practice today. « wha- no, i didn’t look down on him. it’s not my fault he’s so short... » he mumbles under his breath, trying his best to avoid any eye contact with you. but you know that only a slight tilt of his chin upwards is enough to make his eyes lock with yours - and that this is enough to have him admit anything. « you’re jealous, kei. and it’s painfully obvious by the way... » you smirk - but this smirk disappears in a split second as he slowly gets up from his chair, towering over you like he usually does. « ok, maybe i am. but i just wanted to make sure that he knew his place. and especially mine » he finally admits, his lips spreading in a scornful smirk that would be terrifying if his eyes weren’t filled with the infinite tenderness he has always felt for you.

✔️taglist : @toworuu @catwithangerissues @miyumiya @livy384 @k0u-minamo2 @fullsundear @hsjvwq @mochi-marie @hiraeth-z @velvetvirgos @kirishimas-manly-eyeliner @47meow @japanesevenom @geektastic84 @noir-blanches-blog @idontlikeyourjob @seiri-ami @atiny-grl-with-luv @admiringlove @nachotrash @kellesvt @aintyourholy @Moonlaeli @catchmewiddershins @duhsies @devilgirlcrybabiey @crystal-lilac

#i only have 2 requests left besties :o #so uh- ask away ig <3 #(reading the rules before would be : 😻😻 ngl)#haikyuu!!#haikyuu!! x reader #iwaizumi hajime x reader #miya osamu x reader #kuroo tetsurou x reader #suna rintarou x reader #tsukishima kei x reader #haikyuu headcanons #haikyuu scenarios #haikyuu fluff

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skullstarz · 3 years

Text

smashing into their faces as a prank

-> bakugo katsuki, todoroki shoto, midoriya izuku, and iida tenya x gn!reader (separately)

I WASNT SURE WHAT TO TITLE THIS IM CRYING anyways this is very loosely inspired by all the tiktok prank requests @/hvnlydmn gets but i dont think this is even a tiktok trend i just felt like doing these very short hcs

warnings: not even suggestive,, honestly,,, also language.

word count: each is exactly 109 words.

alternative title: alabama smash LOL

check out my masterlist for more of my works !!

BAKUGO KATSUKI

✿ when you ask if you can kiss him he’s like ??? cause you never ask before you kiss him

✿ you just look at him, grab the sides of his face, and smash your lips onto his super hard

✿ “what the fuck babe!?”

✿ one of his hands is giving off tiny lil explosions as the other was pressed against his lips

✿ is genuinely so confused as to why you would do that and even thinks for a second that you must’ve slipped or something cause WHY?

✿ when you tell him it's a prank he pretends he’s angry and play wrestles you until you cant feel your stomach from all the laughing

TODOROKI SHOTO

✿ immediately says yes to you asking if you can kiss him

✿ tbh he thinks its adorable that you’re asking for permission first so he’s ready for a kiss

✿ that is,, until you smash into his face with yours and pull away as if you didn't just slam face first into him??

✿ “are you… are you okay love?”

✿ no you were not you did NOT realize your own strength and as soon as he asked if you were okay you start tearing up cause it HURTSSSSS

✿ puts his hand on your face and uses it as a lil instant ice pack

✿ gives you soft kisses to make you feel better :(((((

MIDORIYA IZUKU

✿ blushes when you ask him and responds with that sweet lil voice of his

✿ “i’d love a kiss, y/n!’

✿ he even eagerly leans in which just makes it worse poor bb

✿ both of you kinda fall back and cup your nose/mouth area while groaning in pain

✿ THINKS IT WAS BECAUSE HE LEANED INTO THE KISS AND IMMEDIATELY STARTS SPEWING APOLOGIES

✿ probably thought that somehow ofa activated and made him mf alabama smash your face or some shit

✿ you clarify that it was your doing and that you didnt mean for it to hurt so much

✿ reassures that it was fine and asks if you’re okay

✿ softest bb :O

IIDA TENYA

✿ feels his heart skip a beat when you ask to kiss him

✿ no matter how many times you two kiss, it always makes him super shy and soft

✿ when you grab his face all softly n stuff he’s just waiting like !!!

✿ and then you smash into his face and it feels like… a fnaf jumpscare LOL

✿ IT'S JUST SO UNEXPECTED

✿ “did you slip!? are you hurt?!”

✿ starts lightly prodding at your face and caressing it

✿ you kinda feel bad and consider not telling him that you’ve pranked him but you tell him

✿ “well i’m glad you’re okay darling, if a prank ends up hurting you please don't do it” ;(

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that-sarcastic-writer · 3 years

Text

Hurts like hell (Stephen Holder)

Pairing: Stephen Holder X F!Reader

Summary: After not seeing each other for almost a year, Stephen finds you, and you have a lot of things to talk about

Takes place between s1 and s2, like around the time holder is starting as homicide detective and is around 6 months clean

Warnings: this is a heavy one, mentions of drug use and addiction, mentions of overdose, explicit sexual content, minors DNI, fingering, unprotected sex, p in v, creampie lots of dirty talk, Holder being a kinky fucker, cause like that motherfucker is kinky, language, heavy angst, and a happy ending

WC: 6.4k I hate myself

A/N: Writing this was the literal description of the "I aint gonna do it" "already did it" sound from tiktok. So I honestly don't know why I spent 6+ hours writing this, tbh I don't expect many people to read it, cause like the killing is very underrated. But its Joel's best show, and honestly Stephen Holder is his best character along with Rick and Takeshi Kovacs, what can I say, holder deserves some love and appreciation and i really felt like writing for him. We'll see what happens. If anyone does happen to read it I hope you enjoy the angst and sin, which is usually my specialty.

Comments and reblogs are highly appreciated!

There are a lot of things in this world that can hurt a person to the point of feeling like they're being torn apart. Love shouldn't be one of those things. Love should be one of those things in life that makes a person happy, fills them with joy and makes their day seem brighter. But like hell it is. Love hurts like hell. And that's something you experienced first hand.

You knew loving someone wasn't easy, committing yourself and opening yourself to a person and being completely vulnerable to whatever they might choose to do with your heart. But you never expected it to hurt as much as it did to love someone as much as you loved him. Because whatever was hurting him, it hurt you, whenever he was hurting, you were hurting too. And it killed you. But what truly dug the dagger into your chest and twisted it was the fact that he was hurting himself. He was killing himself and he knew it, he liked it.

You were head over heels for a drug addict cop.

You knew you should've seen the red flags, I mean he fucking screamed red flags. Outside of the fact like that he looked high as a kite 24/7, the man had so many issues and trauma it wasn't even funny. The man screamed childhood trauma from a mile away. But somehow you looked past it because he was the sweetest and most down to earth guy you had ever met. He made you laugh like nobody else could just because he was so dumb and sweet. It was easy to love a guy like him.

What wasn't easy was dealing with his addiction. And god knows you really tried. You did everything you could to help him. You tried to get him clean, you tried to take him to NA meetings, hell, you even let him get high in your apartment just so he wouldn't overdose in some crack house. But no matter what you did, you couldn't help him. He wouldn't let you, he would just push you away. And it killed you.

Walking away from him was probably the hardest thing you ever had to do. But maybe it was for the best.

It sure as hell hurt like it, there were times you were lying wide awake at night thinking if he was okay, if he had money to eat that night, or if he had just overdosed somewhere and you would never see him again. You didn't know, maybe you made a mistake leaving him, or maybe you did the right thing and it was the wake up call he needed. You had no way of knowing. But even after almost a year of being away you still thought about it, about him. Hell, whenever you saw a tall, lanky man with a jacket and a hoodie under it your mind would automatically ask yourself 'is that Stephen?' even if it was for just a second.

But with how far gone he was the last time you saw him, when you came back to Seattle you really had zero hope of seeing him, and if you did, it would probably break your heart all over again.

Loving the right person at the wrong time really hurts like hell.

It was so late at night your heart nearly jumped right out of your chest when you heard a couple of rapid knocks on your door. You were on your feet so fast you nearly bumped the foot of the couch. It was really late and you weren't expecting anyone at all. You had recently moved back to Seattle, and nobody outside of your immediate family knew your address. So who the hell was knocking on your door in the middle of the night?

You cautiously made your way around the arraignment of boxes on the floor to the front door. You looked through the peephole to see if you could see anyone. You saw a tall man, wearing a black jacket, but that was as much as you could see since his back was to the door and all you could see was the back of his short hair. You thought of him. God you hated your mind. But there was no way, he didn't have a way to know you were back in town. Surely, it couldn't have been him, right?

Well, there was only one way to know.

You made sure you kept the latch on before you unlocked the door and slowly opened it, only your head poking out. When you did, the man turned around and oh— you felt your heart sink and your stomach turn into a knot when you saw him. You saw Stephen, right there, right in front of you, pretty damn alive, too. For a moment you felt relieved because he was alive, he looked okay, he looked... Clean. Of course he still had a paleness to his face, and dark circles under his eyes like he hadn't slept in years, which was probably true considering his job. But he didn't have that lost look in his eyes, he didn't have that sweaty look that made him look perpetually sick, restless or like he was going to make a whole in the center of the earth because he wouldn't stay still. Maybe he was clean. Maybe.

But that thought lasted about two seconds before everything else came crashing down. Every attempt you made of getting him clean, every night you held him shaking because he was withdrawing, every time he'd give you that guilty puppy dog look when he'd tell you he relapsed again. You remembered all of it, and you were done with it.

"No, no, no." You shook your head and went to close the door as fast as you could, not even giving him a chance to speak.

"No, no, hold up." He was quick, he got his foot in the door so you couldn't shut it on his face, he placed his hand flat on the door, too, just so you wouldn't close it on him.

"Stephen," You squeezed your eyes shut and exhaled sharply, voice harsh and sharp when you said his name for the first time in a long time. "Get the hell out. Now, I mean it."

"I just wanna talk, c'mon. Please." He sounded desperate, it was urgent, like he needed it. But you had heard that millions of times, you just couldn't do it. You couldn't go through this pain all of over again. You said nothing and you simply shook your head, shoving his foot back as you went to shut the door as hard as you could, but you stopped when he nearly shouted, "I'm clean!"

Your eyes blew wide, and you actually looked up at him, eyes meeting his. "W-what?"

"I'm clean." He repeated with a soft chuckle and he half smiled, feeling a small bit of pride in it, "I've been clean for six months. Can we just— c'mon baby I just wanna talk. I needa talk to you. Please?" He had this puppy dog look in his eyes, like he was silently begging you, he sounded genuine too.

God you wish you had more willpower than this. You always said that if you saw him again you would shut the door on his face and you wouldn't look back, you promised yourself you wouldn't go down this rabbit hole again. But fuck, seeing Stephen again, seeing him actually okay and just begging to talk, it made all of your anger and resentment suddenly disappear.

You chewed on your bottom lip, screwing your eyes shut and nearly slammed your forehead on the door as you had a quick mental battle with yourself. What the hell. You sighed heavily and kicked his foot away from the door before shutting it, hard. But just for a second because when you undid the latch you fully opened it this time. Trying to fight against the little sickness in your stomach and the shakiness in your knees, you took him in, your eyes taking in his tall frame, he looked good. God you hated that you missed him.

"You got like 60 seconds to tell me why you're here or I'm kicking your skinny white ass out." You said as you stepped away from the door, he followed you inside like a lost puppy. You swore you heard him chuckle behind you.

"You serious?" He chuckled, but the grin on his lips quickly turned into a flat line when he saw the blank expression on your face, your eyebrows shot up and your arms crossed over your chest, you were very serious. "You're lookin' good Y/N."

"Stephen." You said sternly, slightly tightening your jaw and rolling your eyes at his attempt at flirting. He always had a way of sweet talking people, especially you. But it would take a whole lot more just than that this time. "How did you even know I live here? And please don't tell me you've looked at my DMV records or some shit like that."

"Pff what? Babygirl, who do you think I am? I ain't a stalker you know that." He scoffed and shook his head dismissively.

"Look, I've been.. I've been lookin' for you, y'know? You were right, I hit rock bottom, I didn't care what I was putting in my veins, down my throat or up my nose. It was bad and uhm, I got help. I started going to N.A meetings, I got a sponsor, I was startin' to get back on my feet. But I didn't want you to see me like that no more, not after that last time so I waited. When I uh, when I got my one month chip I wanted to tell you but you weren't at your apartment, you weren't at work, I knew your parents wouldn't tell me shit, so I asked around, heard you moved to Cali or somethin' so I uh.. I stopped lookin'. Until a couple of weeks ago, I heard you were back in town, so y'know, I had to come see my girl."

There was something in the way he said it, in the way his voice got softer and quieter towards the end. Almost as if it hurt him to say it as much as it hurt you to hear it.

"I'm not your girl anymore, Stephen. That was a long time ago."

Was it though? You knew you were lying when you said you weren't his girl anymore. You knew you sure as hell never stopped loving him, you could never get yourself to date somebody else, no matter how many times you tried to meet other people, it was always Stephen who was on your mind. He was the one you wanted to hold you through the night, not anyone else. Even if you wanted to convince yourself otherwise.

"Yeah, 'cause you left." He spat, his voice was low but it was harsh, resentful and heartbroken. You really hadn't dared to look him in the eye, you couldn't bring yourself to, but when he said that, like it was your fault, then you looked at him and scoffed in disbelief. "Why did you leave? Why did you just run away like that? Didn't say why, didn't say goodbye, didn't say nothin'. You just left."

"Why did I leave?" You repeated in disbelief, "Are you seriously asking me why? I can't fucking believe you, I just can't. You're so fucking cynical." You exhaled sharply, feeling hot tears fill your eyes. You didn't know if you were crying from sadness or from anger. You couldn't believe he would ask you that as if it were your fault, when he damn well knew he fucked things up too.

"I'm cynical? You for real right now?" He scoffed in disbelief, his expression was hard, full of pure disbelief and hurt. "Well I didn't just take my shit and left when things got too hard. I didn't just give up on you, now did I?"

Oh hell no. He didn't just say that.

If you were angry before, you were absolutely fuming now. You felt your blood boil so much you felt like you were on fire. How could he even say that? You didn't even have the right words, you were absolutely speechless. Your face was soaked with hot angry tears when you lunged yourself forward and shoved him back hard. And again. He stumbled back both times, he nearly fell right on his ass. The third time he planted his feet on the floor, so you pounded your closed fists hard on his chest.

"Fuck you Stephen! Fuck you! Fuck you!" You shouted at him, eyes screwed shut as you hit his chest over and over. He grabbed both of your wrists, grunting lowly when you wouldn't stop and he held you to his chest despite you fighting against it.

"How could you fucking say that!? How could you say that I gave up on you? You fucking OD'ed in my bathroom! I had to drag your ass to my bathtub, get in the bathtub with you and hold you hoping you wouldn't die on me. Because I couldn't call an ambulance because you'd get arrested and you'd lose your job! So I just had to sit there, in that freezing cold water, holding your shaking body and fucking beg you wouldn't die." You choked out, the memory of it making you feel like you couldn't breathe. You had stopped struggling so he let you go, and for the first time ever, he was actually speechless and like he didn't know what to say.

So he just stood there, jaw tight and eyes filled with tears as he looked down at you. "And even when you stole money from me just to get another damn fix, I stayed, I stayed because I loved you. But you have no idea how hard it was to see you slowly kill yourself and not let me help you. I couldn't watch you die. Trust me Stephen, leaving you was the hardest thing I've ever had to do, but I didn't want to sit here and watch you kill yourself. I couldn't do it. So don't you dare say I gave up on you, because you gave up on yourself the minute you choose to put that shit in your veins."

"I—" There weren't many times you had seen Stephen cry. He was sweet and the most human person you've ever met, but he had so many walls he wasn't one break down and let his walls down. But now? He cried like you had never seen him cry before. You weren't looking at his face, his chest was as far as you could see without lifting your head up, but you knew he was crying. You could hear the quiet choked out sobs, his shaky breath and the way his chest rumbled with each sob.

"I'm sorry. God I'm so sorry." He pulled you to his chest, no resistance from you this time, and he cried hard, he cried into your hair. You did the same. You cried into his chest until you felt his hoodie start to get wet. Then he just fell to his knees in front of you. It was like he just couldn't hold himself together anymore and he was breaking down, right there, right in front of you.

"God I'm so sorry Y/N. You're right I.. I was hurting you and I didn't give a shit. I just kept putting that shit inside me cause that's all I knew how to do. I was just some lowlife tweaker and you deserved better than that. You—you were right to leave my sorry ass." He sobbed into your shirt like he couldn't breathe, like the realization was suddenly hitting him and it was putting so much pressure on his chest he couldn't breathe.

"Stephen, that's not true." You said shakily, running your fingers through his short hair as you cradled his head, squeezing your eyes shut as you tried not to choke on your own sobs.

"No, yes it's true. I wasn't the man you needed, hell I still ain't. I'm just some lowlife junkie tryna stay clean. And trust me it's hard. I've been goin' to my meetings and trying to stay focused on my job, but I'm always thinkin' about getting a fix. And maybe I will someday, when shit gets really hard and I'll just relapse again. That's not the kind of man you need in your life." He was ready to stand up, leave and never come back into your life like he should've done the minute he met you. But you didn't let him.

"Stephen," You said his name shakily as you dropped to your knees in front of him and took his face between your hands so he would look at you. "Baby I didn't leave because I didn't love you or because you didn't deserve me, I left because I loved you too much to watch you hurt yourself like that. It hurt like hell. But it was selfish, I should've stayed with you no matter what and I wish I had. That's why I came back, maybe it was too late or maybe it wasn't, but you're here, you're alive and you've been clean. And whatever demons you still got in you, we'll fight them together. If you still want me in your life."

"You kiddin'? You think I tried to bribe your parents into talkin' to me for weeks just so I could let you walk away? Hell nah. There's no way in hell. I want my girl back and I want to do it right this time." He half smiled, eyes closing and he pressed his forehead against yours.

"You bribed my parents so they'd tell you where I was?" You laughed, sniffling softly and he nodded. "Not gonna lie, that sounds kinda shady. You sure you ain't a stalker Officer Holder?"

"Actually, it's Detective Holder now. Homicide Detective for the Seattle P.D." He corrected you, a small proud smirk on his lips as he said that. You pulled back a bit to look at his face, trying to see if he was joking or not and you smiled. You knew he always wanted to be a city detective.

"Oh really? You're a detective now huh? Wow, look at you, you're all important now. Bet you got a lot of ass wanting to get a piece of your skinny white ass." You teased, bringing the back of your hand to wipe your tear stained face. Stephen did the same as he laughed softly.

"You already know how I do. I got one or two waiting for me to hit them up. Y'know my partner, she's crazy about me."

"Oh is that so?" You pushed your lips together and raised your eyebrows at him, eyes big as if to show shock.

"Oh c'mon baby, don't give me that look. You know I would never want anyone but you. You're my girl and you're always gonna to be, right?"

You were so focused on laughing with him again you didn't realize just how close he was. The space between you was so small you could fill it if either of you moved just an inch. You were aching for it too. You hadn't realized just how much you had missed him until now. Until you had him centimeters away from you, so close you didn't want to let him go again. Your eyes fell on his chapped lips for a second before you lifted your eyes up, and you caught him doing the same. Fuck, you were so close you could feel his warm breath fan right against your face and his body heat radiate around him. Hell, you thought you could even hear his heartbeat. His heart was probably pounding just as hard as yours was.

If only he'd just—

His hand fell on your cheek and you took a deep breath as he leaned in, filling the gap between you two. His lips found yours so fast it felt like they were magnets attracted to each other. It was slow at first, like you were learning about each other all over again, taking each other’s touch for the first time. That discovering phase didn’t last long though, because after a couple of seconds of exploring, a satisfied sigh rumbled in his throat and his tongue was already tracing the outline of your bottom lip. Without hesitation, you opened your mouth, allowing his tongue to swirl with yours in a way that made you squeeze your thighs together trying to get some kind of pressure going. You lifted your hands up and wrapped them around his shoulders, shifting on your knees as you pulled him closer to you. He got the hint quickly.

“Can we just—” He broke the kiss, breathing just as heavy as you were when he pulled away. You nodded quickly.

“Oh fuck yeah.”

Stephen snorted and nodded, standing up to his full height and pulling you up with him. His lips were instantly back on yours, tongue diving in before you even had a chance to breathe. He grabbed the back of your thighs and hoisted you up around his waist, hands on your ass as he held you.

You kind of wished you had warned him about the mess of boxes that was your apartment, because he hadn’t even walked five feet before he was tripping over something on the floor, cursing against your lips as he tried not to fall face first with you in his arms.

“The hell? Yo, why do you got so many boxes here? Damn.” He groaned, kicking one aside with his foot as he looked around, trying to figure out where to go in this unknown apartment.

“I just moved here dumbass, don’t kick my shit.” You tried not to laugh, pressing your face into his shoulder as he just stood there. “My room is upstairs.”

“Oh hell nah. Look I’m all about making love in a nice cozy bed, getting all freaky under the sheets but like, your apartment is a fucking maze. I’m gonna bust my shit walking up them stairs or something.” He frowned, lips slightly pouted as he walked around until he found your couch and promptly threw you on it, making you giggle softly.

“Awe, it’s cute you think you were ever romantic like that.” He pouted even more, somewhat offended by your statement. “Did you forget we’ve fucked in your junk car that smells like an ashtray? So you really think I care about the candles and rose petals on the bed type shit?”

“Such a pretty face and such a dirty mouth, you really are my girl.” He laughed, his body coming to hover over you, right away settling between your legs like he belonged there. “You know I’m all about taking it slow, enjoying the moment and shit but like, I’ve really missed you and I gotta fuck you right here and right now.”

“Stephen,” You grabbed his face, biting your bottom lip so hard you thought you were gonna draw blood. “We got plenty of time to take it slow, but right now I need. So just shut the hell up already and fuck me.” You could’ve sworn you saw his eyes roll into the back of his head but his mouth was on yours so fast you didn’t have time to think about it. His hands found the edge of your shirt and he pulled it over your head with ease. His lips were quick to find the skin of your neck.

“Don’t worry babygirl, I got you. But just know that I ain’t leaving this apartment ‘til I get my head between your thighs, you got that?” His voice dipped so low it sent shivers down your spine. Hell, your head was spinning so much already all you could was nod.

Your own shaky hands eventually found the edge of his thick grey hoodie, you found it kinda cute he still had it, he always seemed to be wearing it. He got the hint and shrugged off his jacket, letting you pull the hoodie over his head quickly after. And he had a t-shirt under it. Damn, how many layers of clothes did this man have?

“You’re wearing too many layers.” You breathed out, your mind barely coherent at that point. Stephen chuckled as he sat back on his knees.

“It’s cold as hell outside, girl. You should warm me up.” He smirked playfully as he grabbed the back of his shirt and pulled it over his head only to throw it somewhere over his shoulder. You couldn’t help but grow fixated on his tattooed skin, as dumb as some of his tattoos were, especially the one on his chest, the ink marking his skin was nearly as hot as he was. You couldn’t help but trace your fingers over the large print letters inked across his chest.

“This one new? You didn’t have it a year ago.” You hummed, biting your lip as you felt him shiver under your fingers.

“Yep, you like it?” He smirked, looking down where your fingers were touching his skin. You nodded.

“Yeah, it’s hot as hell.” You smirked, sitting up slightly so that you could press your lips to his chest and leave butterfly kisses along his pale skin.

“Mhm, y’know, I got this cross tattooed on my back, I got it after I got clean. And I was thinkin' of getting your name, too, ‘cause you were the reason I got clean in the first place, and the whole time I was just thinkin' of you, that I wanted to be the man you deserved.” You quickly pulled back to look at him, you blinked slowly, trying to take in every word he said. You let out a soft sigh, eyes meeting his own, he had this lovesick and fond look in them, like he was looking at the thing dearest to him, like there was nothing he loved more. You wish you had seen this sooner. You brought your hand to his face and kissed him so hard you heard him groan.

You wasted no time getting on his lap, straddling him as you worked on unbucking his belt. Your hands were shaking so much you could barely do anything. You eventually got it, the sound of the belt buckle rattling as you shakily tugged his jeans down his hips. He helped you this time, shoving them off the rest of the way until they fell to the floor. So much like you, he was down to his last layer of clothing. And he was so painfully hard under you. You felt all of it right against you, the flimsy material of your pyjama bottoms really wasn’t much of a barrier. So every time you moved, even in the slightest, you could feel the hard line of his cock brush right against you, making you pool into your bottoms more than you already were. But when you felt his hand slip right into your bottoms, fingers meeting with your slick core, that’s when you felt like screaming.

“O-Oh fuck.” You cursed under your breath, eyes nearly rolling into the back of your head at the slightest touch.

Stephen watched the way your face contorted and your mouth fell open when one of his long fingers dipped inside you, your walls instantly tightening around the digit. He felt his cock twitch when he drew out a desperate, choked out moan from you.

“Damn baby, this all for me? You’re all wet from a little kissin’? When was the last time you got some?” He asked lowly, his dropping so low it honestly made you even wetter. When you didn’t respond, he added a second finger, curling both digits until they were brushing right against your most sensitive spot. He had you choking on your own breath then. “I think I asked you a question didn’t I?”

“I-I haven’t with anyone. Just you.” You choked out, words no longer something you knew. He laughed, he fucking laughed, really proud of himself.

“You for real?” You could only nod. “You didn’t let nobody else fill this pretty little pussy, make you feel good?”

“God no. Only you could.” You swore you saw something snap in his eyes because his wrist fucking snapped, his fingers scissoring in a way that made your thighs tremble and jaw fall wide open.

“It was just me huh? You were my good little girl and you knew nobody else was gonna make you feel this good. You knew only I could make you feel so good you were shaking for hours and fucked you so hard you felt me for days, that right? You wanted to be mine even if I wasn’t there.”

As if you were soaked in your clothes already, another pool of wetness seeped right out of you and right into his hand. And the way he breathed out a moan almost made you want to come right then and there. As if his words weren’t enough.

“You missed bein’ called my good girl didn’t you? You missed it when I called you just mine? Hm?”

Words really weren’t an option at that point. All you could do was nod feverishly, a quiet and desperate moan being the only response you could give him at that point. You were so desperate trying to chase your high, the feeling of his fingers becoming too much to handle by then. Stephen seemed to have gotten the hint, because he pressed his lips to your throat as he started to slam his hand, his fingers scissoring you open with each snap of his wrist. But the second you felt his thumb pressing against your clit, you completely lost it. You saw white, a moan so loud leaving your lips you thought your neighbors probably heard and you jolted heavily, sweet release washing over you.

You were still panting heavily when his fingers left you, making you whine softly at the sudden emptiness. But when you opened your eyes you were whining, but for a different reason. Stephen had two fingers in his mouth and he sucked them slowly, eyes never leaving you as he did. Your lips were slightly parted, you couldn’t take your eyes away from him. God that man was fucking hot.

“Damn, I missed your sweet little taste. I think I was more addicted to you than I was to that damn thing.”

“Fuck Stephen, please. I really need you.” You whined, so desperate you tugged your bottoms clean off your legs, kicking them somewhere and you were completely bare on top of him, soaking right onto his boxers.

“I got you princess, don’t worry.” He wasted no time tugging his boxers down, sighing sharply when his length sprung free and slapped right against his stomach. You had to look down, your mouth suddenly dry at the sight. You felt his fingers under your chin as he tipped it up. “Eyes up here baby. You wanna be a good girl and ride me?”

God, how could you say no to that?

You nodded so fast it nearly gave you a headache. He hummed in approval before he grabbed your thighs and pulled you forward, spreading them apart as far as they could go. His eyes were dead on you, dark and determined as he felt you slowly sink down on him, the head of his cock pressing right against your entrance.

“C’mon baby, you got it.” He urged you on, slightly bucking his hips.

You whined softly, your head dropping to his shoulder and gripping the other as you lowered yourself further down. And fuck, it had either been a really long fucking time since you’ve been anyone or you totally forgot how to handle his size. Either way, when he slipped deeper, his sharp and heavy breath mixing with yours, you were already shaking. When he was sitting all the way inside you, you felt your thighs shudder and muscles tighten, your heart beating so fast it made you dizzy.

“You are—” He breathed heavily, Adam’s apple bobbing as you rocked your hips, not quite moving like he wanted you to. “So fuckin’ tight, damn.”

“God I missed you.” You mumbled heavily, face pressed into his shoulder as you brought yourself up before slamming down on his length, drawing out a groan from him. “I missed you so fucking much Stephen.”

He felt his cock twitch inside you and his eyes rolled into the back of his head when he heard you say his name like that. His head was slightly thrown back over the back of the couch, mouth slightly open as you were riding him. But the way you said his name, so desperate and so inebriated on the feeling of him, it made something snap in him.

“Say that again.” He drawled, grabbing a fistful of your hair to pull your head back until you were looking at him.

“I missed you.” You gasped softly, his sudden roughness taking you by surprise, but fuck did you love it. “I missed you so much.” You repeated, eyes screwing shut when he gripped your ass with his free hand and rolled his hips. His lips quickly found yours again and the moan he incited from you when he started to thrust into you got caught in your throat.

“Tell me you love me.” He muttered against your mouth, breaking the kiss to look at your face, as if he needed to see you when you said it. Your hands fell to his chest, placing them flat trying to embrace yourself as you bounced on him. It took you a minute to register his words in your fuzzy state of mind.

“I love you,” You said breathlessly, opening your eyes for a moment to find Stephen’s hazel turned brown eyes staring at you, head tilted back and jaw slightly agape. You lifted a hand to his face and pressed your forehead against his, the familiar recoil starting in your stomach, “God Stephen I love you.”

When you said it again, he wrapped an arm around you and without a single warning, he flipped you over, you were flat on your back, eyes wide, mouth hanging open and suddenly empty. You were about to yell at him when he grabbed one of your ankles and slid you towards him, throwing that leg over his shoulder. He slammed so hard into you it made you scream, back arching and eyes rolling into the back of your head.

It was his show now.

He wasted absolutely no time taking it slow, finding a pace, none of that. He pounded into you, hips snapping at a quick and even pace, bottoming himself out with each thrust. He had you feeling that recoil again in a matter of seconds. You were damn sure you were about to see stars.

When your eyes opened for a split second, you swore your face flushed even more because when you did, you saw Stephen, lips slightly parted and eyes fixed between your bodies, right where he was sinking in and out of you.

“Damn.” He mumbled lowly, suddenly fixated on the sight of him fucking in and out of you.

He licked his thumb and dropped his hand between your bodies, pressing his thumb against your clit, quickly rubbing sharp circles on the bundle of nerves. You were going to lose it soon, you knew it. And judging by the way Stephen started to thrust into you with purpose, he knew it too.

He used his free hand to grip the armrest above your head and he leaned over you, sweaty chest pressing right against yours as the sound of slapping skin filled your ears.

“Don’t stop,” You urged breathlessly, being so close you felt like you were going to pass out. “Please, please Stephen, don’t stop.”

“I got you baby, c’mon, come for me.” He urged, giving a particularly hard and deep thrust that mixed with the shocking waves from your clit, completely sent you over the edge.

The sob that came out of your mouth as you came fell right into the air, filling the apartment, surely to be heard by whoever had the misfortune to share a wall with you. Your thighs trembled pathetically as your walls gripped him like vice, nails digging into his back as you sobbed his name quietly. You must’ve squeezed him hard because his eyes rolled into the back of his head and his hips faltered, cock twitching as he came inside you shortly after. His hand gripped the armrest for some stability until his knuckles turned white as he just sat inside you, his head on your shoulder as he left wet sloppy kisses along the skin like he was silently praising you.

“I love you, and I missed you, too. More than you can imagine.” He mumbled against your shoulder, breath heavy, much like your own. You were panting softly, your leg fell from his shoulder with exhaustion as you just held him with one arm and you ran your fingers through his soaked hair. “Please don’t leave me again. I know I can be a lot, and I know I ain’t easy to deal with, but I need you. I can handle not having anythin', hell I could handle not putting that shit in my veins anymore, but I just can’t handle you not being around. Hurts like hell.”

“Stephen,” You sighed softly, slowly pulling his head from your shoulder and pressed a soft kiss to his lips, smiling softly as you looked over his face, “I’m not leaving you, I don’t care how hard it gets, I’m not doing that to you again I promise. Dealing with your addiction was hard, I just couldn’t do it then. But I came back because being without you was harder. And it hurt like hell, I can’t do it again.”

“God I love you.” This time he kissed you hard, smiling against your lips when he did. You giggled against his lips and gasped softly when you felt him pull out of you. But your eyes shot open with confusion when you felt his weight leave you completely. And when you sat up on your elbows and you looked down, you saw Stephen on his knees at the foot of the couch. You furrowed your eyebrows in confusion but your eyes widened when you saw him grab your foot with a mischievous smirk.

“Stephen, what the hell?”

“I said I wasn't leaving this apartment until I got my face between your thighs, didn’t I? Well, I’mma do just that, you got somethin’ to say about it?”

Nope. Not at all.

Love hurts, of course it does. Oftentimes it hurts more than making you happy. But for a love like his, maybe you liked the pain. You would let it hurt, because he was worth it, you knew that now.

#joel kinnaman #joel kinnaman smut #stephen holder #stephen holder x reader #the killing #smut #x reader #x reader smut

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