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carriagelamp · 4 years

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Book Review - Summer Summary 2020

I didn’t get around to doing an individual post for the books I read in June/July/August, so I decided to choose a dozen that I read over the summer... I’d separate the wheat from the chaff for you so to speak. Though like you’re about to find out, that doesn’t necessarily mean they were all good by any means...

Crave

My girlfriend got this for me to “tide me over until Midnight Sun”. Between you and me, I think she was taking the piss. Anyway, Crave is very... standard fare paranormal YA school romance with the added flare of being written by an adult erotica writer, meaning the rhythm and tone of this novel is fucking bonkers. If you want to read the novel without reading the novel, just take Twilight and the entire Vampire Academy series, shove them in a blend, and force down the sludge you get from that. Normal Average Girl Goes To Secret School In Alaska For Vampire, Werewolves and Dragons. That’s this book. It is so big and so so so bad. I finished it out of spite, please don’t do that to yourself. Unless you are really craving (hurr hurr) some top tier trashy paranormal romance, in which case... no judgment.

The Last Firehawk

The Last Firehawk is a Scholastic “Branches” series, written for beginning readers (grade 1-3ish, depending on the child’s reading level). It has short stories, big text, and awesome pictures on every page. Guys. I unironically am adoring this series. It’s simple and is introducing children to a number of classic elements in the fantasy quest genre, but it is so charming. Friends Tag and Skyla discover a firehawk egg, and species that is supposed to have disappeared long ago. When Blaze hatches from it, the three are tasked with going out and finding the magical ember stone which was hidden long ago by the firehawks and which could be used to defeat the evil vulture Thorn and his dark magic... I read the first two books to second graders who ate it up and read the next four books because I personally wanted to continue the series. If you have young readers in your life (or just want a fun kid adventure) then please try these they’re the literary equivalent of nibbling on a chocolate chip cookie.

Lupin III: World’s Most Wanted #3

All the kind people that still follow my tumblr and haven’t tried to murder me because of my Lupin obsession are not going to be surprised by this one. I finally read one of the manga for this series and honestly I’m delighted. Somehow even hornier than the show, but hilariously funny. I felt like I was reading a more adult version of Spy Vs Spy. It’s a bunch of short, individual bits/adventures with lots of visual gags and an artstyle that is really different and delightful.

River of Teeth / Taste of Marrow (American Hippo series)

I’ve talked about River of Teeth before, but I finally finished the American Hippo duology and need to sing its praise. This is an alternate history series composed of two novellas that explore the question What would have happened if the States had decided to import hippos as livestock...? Anyways, my pitch for you: queer hippo cowboys. That’s all it took for me to read it. You have a gay gunslinger who loves his hippo to death, a nonbinary explosives-expert / poisoner who is the main love interest, a fat con artist who spoils her hippo and is the only voice of reason in this entire series, and a latina mother-to-be who is the scariest assassin in the entire series and is obviously scheming. The four of them are brought together on a job to deal with the Mississippi’s feral hippo problem.

IT’S A QUEER HIPPO COWBOY HEIST NOVEL GUYS I DON’T KNOW WHY I’M STILL TALKING AND YOU HAVEN’T JUST GONE TO READ THIS YET.

Petals to the Metal (The Adventure Zone series)

The graphic novel adaptation to the McElroy family’s DND podcast The Adventure Zone. Most of you are probably aware of this? It’s a great adaptation, it hits all the important beats, shows off the characters really well, and still gets lots of good gags in even while condensing entire arcs into single book stories. This one is probably my favourite so far just because Petals to the Metal was one of my favourite arcs in the show... but you can also see how the art has improved and the chaos of the race is fun to see drawn out.

If you like The Adventure Zone but haven’t tried the graphic novels yet -- would recommend! If you’ve always wanted to listen to The Adventure Zone but don’t have time for such a long series or struggle to focus on podcasts then pick up the first book of this series (Here There Be Gerblins) and try reading it! It really is an enjoyable adaptation.

Pony to the Rescue (Pony Pals series)

I continued my April/May theme of reading old-school chapter book series to combat Covid Brain Fry, so I picked up a few Pony Pals books. I read these as a kid and always enjoy them -- there’s just something so appealing to a child about having a horse. It gives your child characters a level of independence and ability to explore that you wouldn’t get otherwise. These books definitely read young, but they were nostalgic to revisit.

Small Spaces

A really cool middle grade horror novel I picked up. Maybe it’s because I live around a lot of corn fields, but farm/scarecrow themed horror absolutely does it for me. One evening, after seeing a woman try to destroy a strange, old book, eleven year old Ollie doesn’t stop to think, instead stealing the book and running. That’s how she becomes wrapped up in the strange, sinister story of a cursed family and creature called the Smiling Man that seems to live out in the foggy fields. While unsettling, Ollie tries to remind herself that it’s just a story... but this becomes more challenging when her school bus breaks down one day out their own set of fields, and a fog is rolling in...

“Avoid large spaces. Stick to small.”

Snot Girl #1 - #2

A Canadian graphic novel series by the creator of the Scott Pilgrim series! I love his work so I decided to give Snotgirl a try, even though it’s not generally my genre. I’m glad I did! First book took a while for me to get into, but by the time I hit the second I was really wrapped up in the mystery and character development. Snotgirl is about Lottie, a self-consumed fashion blogger whose biggest struggles are dealing with her allergies, frustration with her fellow-blogger friends, and how entirely her self-esteem is tied to her “beauty” and how people view her. But everything shifts in strange and horrifying ways when Lottie starts taking a new allergy medication, meets a new friend... and then witnesses that girl’s death. Or does she?

Seriously, or does she? I have no idea, I need to read the third book. This book is full of intrigue, complicated relationships, murder (or not?), and a healthy dose of magical realism to keep you guessing. If you like slice-of-life, crime, and abstract reality then this series is world a try. Plus the art is gorgeous.

Summer Wars #1 - #2

I recently rewatched Summer Wars (still one of my favourite movies) and decided to read the two-book manga adaptation. It was a really neat little adaptation. The creator of the movie gave the writer free range to tweak things to fit better in a manga format, which means some movie elements were allowed to fade into the background, whereas other aspects were fulled into the forefront and fleshed out to a greater degree. It was very cool, it kept the same story but gave you new things to think about which I wasn’t expecting. Reading this as a stand alone works just fine, but honestly if you’ve never watched the movie Summer Wars you should give it a try! It’s a great mix of slice-of-life, sprawling family dynamics that I relate to a little too well, cyber adventures, and fantasy. Super feel good.

This One Summer

Okay, last graphic novel, I swear. This One Summer was... weird and intense. It’s a coming-of-age Canadian graphic novel that follows a pair of pre-teens who meet up like they do every year at their family’s summer cottages. You see them both in the awkward phases between childhood and growing up to become teenagers, as they’re confronted with things like maturity, friendship, self-esteem, family problems, and sexuality. A beautiful read, but probably the heaviest out of all the books on my list.

Wild Thornberrys Novelization

I rewatched The Wild Thornberrys movie with my girlfriend earlier this year, and decided I wanted to hunt down the chapter book novelization because I’m kind of a sucker for novelizations. Honestly, this was about what you would expect from the era. 90s/00s novelizations, especially young novelizations, are generally just a transcript of the movie without much thought or effort put into them to make them anything but. That’s what this was. It was fine, and it really let me revisualize the entire movie, but honestly you’re probably better off just rewatching the movie unless you also really deeply love The Wild Thornberrys.

The Willoughbys

I saw that Netflix had done a funky looking adaptation of The Willoughbys and I decided I needed to read the book first before watching the movie. This was a little bizarre, I’m still not sure how I feel about it. Over all, I think it was a net-positive experience. It’s an obvious satire on classic children’s novels, especially the likes of Mary Poppins (real Mary Poppins, not the Disney version) and while a little heavy-handed, it does a Series of Unfortunate Events vibe that redeems it. The story is about a group of horrible children (The Ruthless Willoughbys) who decide they are sick of their parents and would rather become Worth Orphans... and to do that, they’re going to have to dispose of their inconvenient parents, obviously. Conveniently their parents are also sick of having children and decide to do away with them as well. The Willoughbys sets up three (or four?) different subplots that are gradually woven together through a series of schemes and exploits. It’s definitely more ruthless (hurr hurr) than the Netflix version, which tried to make the children more sympathetic, and in some ways I think that’s a definite point in the novel’s favour. I’m not sure I would go out of my way to recommend it, but it was a fun romp if you want something short and off the wall (and a lot more fleshed out than the Netflix version).

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fandomsentertainment · 7 years

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Iqi: The Arrival Chapter Eight

Please go check out the whole story on Wattpad! Thank you for your patience in waiting on this chapter! I had a lot of things going on and since this chapter is a turning point in the novel/ novella/whatever I wanted to get it right!

https://www.wattpad.com/story/135795678-iqi-arrival

“I can not believe you read the entire thing,” Hermione shook her head at me in disbelief opening up her package.

“I can’t believe you ordered more clothes,” I raised an eyebrow at her setting the Quran down on her nightstand.

“What? I got something for you too this time!” she grinned.

I plopped down on her bed. “Hm.”

“So did you enjoy your read,” she asked still digging through her package.

“It was surprisingly similar to both the Bible and Tanakh. But I guess that’s to be assumed considering they have similar origins,” I sighed. “I can’t believe humans have so much conflict with each other simply because of vague differences in these texts. I can ever imagine any written word being moving enough to inspire such violence.”

“Eh, humans were slaughtering each other long before any of those books were written so it’s more likely that people are just trash and the books are excuses,” Hermione said shimmying on some boots.

“I don’t think people are trash,” I muttered.

“That’s why people love you,” she laughed. “When’s your next session anyways?”

“Two days from now. Tuesday.”

“Good, any cancellations?” Hermione asked walking up to the mirror to admire her shoes.

“Only one. But that spot was fill up pretty quickly so security had time to run a background search on them,” I stood up. “I’m hungry. Can we order some food?”

“Sure. What are you craving?”

“Jamaican.”

Hermione grinned at me. “If someone told me a year ago that my alien brother would ask me for some Jamaican food I’d laugh in their face.”

“I think you’d laugh in their face regardless,” I smiled.

“Ha! Yeah, you’re probably right. Go see if Willoughby wants anything, I’ll start ordering on Grubhub. What do you want?”

“Brown rice, oxtail and fried plantains,” I could feel my mouth already salivating at the thought.

Hermione chuckled to herself. “Alright.”

I walked down the hall to Dr. Willoughby’s lab nodding to the patrolling security as I went. It was always strange walking into the lab knowing it was specifically designed to study me. I could see sample of my hair, blood, feathers and skin organized neatly around the lab. Dr. Willoughby slept peacefully at her desk, her head resting on a thick open book. I smiled and walked up to her resting my hand on her head softly and waiting for her to stir awake.

“Iqi,” she yawned loudly. “Do you need something?”

“No, Hermione and I are ordering some Jamaican food. We were wondering if you wanted any?”

“Aw, you’re so sweet,” Willoughby stretched, still yawning. “Yes, can you get me some jerk chicken and rice. Oh and a sprite too!”

“No problem,” I began to walk off. “Also, I know I’m suppose to just let the security do their jobs but should I ask them if they want anything as well?”

“I’m sure they would love that. It must get boring patrolling a high security building, nothing ever happens here,” Willoughby stood up and opened a draw, pulling out a small notebook.

“Here,” she said. “Write down what they want and give it Hermione. I’m sure she has more than enough money with that session you have coming up on Tuesday.”

“Thank you,” I smiled taking the notebook. I wrote down jerk chicken, rice and Sprite on the first page.

“No, thank you. Also could you drop by after lunch so I can take some blood samples?”

“No problem,” I called walking out.

It only took about fifteen minutes to gather everyone’s order but Hermione was an impatient woman.

“Where the hell have you been? I’m starving,” she scowled.

“Sorry, it took a while to get everyone’s order,” I apologized holding out the notepad.

“What do you mean… You took everyone’s order!” she gasped.

“Yeah, Willoughby said you’d have enough money for everyone,” I frowned sensing Hermione’s irritation at me.

“Ugh, that moralistic…” Hermione shook her head. “Okay I’ll order it just this once but next time we order food it’s just you and me.”

“Sorry,” I said.

Her expression softened. “Don’t worry about it kid.”

“Can I ask you a question?”

“You just did.”

I scowled at her response. “Where do you get money from? I thought you needed a job to get money.”

Hermione laughed. “Not in this digital age my dear brother. As the creator of your website I get a small percentage off of the sessions you have with the public. Considering how much people are willing to cough up to meet you that small percentage in usually a significant amount of money.”

I frowned. “I thought we were going to keep it affordable for the everyday person.”

“We are,” she reassured me. “With each session we sell eight tickets at a reasonable price. The last two however are left up to a bidding war so the price rises significantly with those two tickets. This way the poor can buy a normal ticket while the rich fight over these two opportunistic tickets.”

“How much do they usually sell for?” I asked.

“Hmm, anywhere from $500,000 to a million. The session you had with that Arabian prince was $2.4 million! Can you believe that?” Hermione laughed.

I tried to imagine 2.4 million water bottles. It was… difficult to comprehend that amount of wealth.

“Alright the food is all ordered. It came up to $345.67,” Hermione sighed. “Plus tip is like $70 so… Christ that’s like $415!”

“Sorry,” I apologized again.

“It’s alright. Willoughby was right that I can afford it but it’s better to save money then blast it.”

I looked around her room littered with new purchases and nodded in agreement.

“Hey Iqi,” Willoughby stuck her door in the doorway. “That Katherine girl is on TV right now.”

“Really!” I grinned.

“Yep channel 8,” Willoughby laughed.

I got up quickly to head to the living room.

“Jeez where’s the fire?” I heard Hermione say behind me.

I plopped down on the sofa and used the remote to get to channel eight. There she was. Her hair was pulled back into a tight ponytail. It was straight like mine rather than curly now. She had a very serious expression on her face as she walked up to the podium. She was wearing traditionally male human garments. They made her look intimidating. She faced the camera and began to speak.

“Good evening. My name is Katherine Ahuja and I am the co-CEO of SOUS - Study of Unusual Species. Ever since we have come out as a public company there have been many speculations about what the species we study exactly are. Who we are and what are we trying to achieve. I stand before you today to put these questions to rest - but I should warn you that by answering these question I will be generating more questions.”

“Ooo ominous,” Hermione said taking a seat next to me.

“She looks scared,” I said.

“Her company is suspicious as fuck. With all the recent hacks she probably is scared,” Hermione said.

“First of all I will introduce to you the one creature that is the reason SOUS has stayed so secretive all these years. We all know now that we are not alone in the universe as sentient beings. But what you don’t know is that we are not even alone on our own planet,” Katherine said.

“Is she talking about me?” I asked.

“No, everyone already knows about you,” Hermione was watching intently now.

“No, I am not talking about our brother from the stars, Iqi. We have cousins, who live beneath the sea. They’ve been here for thousands of years, in hiding. But some of them are ready to come out and join hands with humanity if we will allow them. Iqi’s arrival and openness with the public has paved the way for these cousins of ours. And it is my honor to introduce you all to Ler and Kym,” she gestured to the curtain behind her which opened to reveal a large glass wall.

Behind the wall was water and two creatures came into view. The crowd on the tv were silent as the larger of the two swam up to the wall. I’ve never seen a creature like this. It had the upper body of a man but the lower of an aquatic mammal. He was at least twice the size of a normal man and covered with short grey fur with a long black flowy mane of hair. He smiled adoringly down at Katherine Ahuja who smiled tightly back up at him. The other was a younger, smaller female who seemed to be with child.

She turned back to the public. “Humanity I’d like to introduce you to your cousins: the Homomare, or in plain language the Selkie.

#HUMANS ARE WEIRD #humans are insane #humans are space oddities #humans are space orcs #human manuel #space australia #earth is space australia #spacetravel #iqi #Iqi:Arrival #Katherine Ahuja #selkie #grubhub #hybrid #angel #quran #kuran

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