#probably because it has things like...dialogue and (loose) plot

[windowsandfeelings]

uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

[moltengoldveins]

@clingyduoapologist made a really cool “what if DSMP were a stage play” post and basically the instant I saw it I was struck by the muse but I don’t want to just chain reblog the dang thing or make one huge reblog with all my thoughts so instead here are all my thoughts on this concept

i don’t think it’s a musical. I think the tone of the story doesn’t fit. But if it were, it would have a Lot of scenes of unsung dialogue, and that dialoge? Would be rhythmic poetry. It’s Shakespeare Appreciation Time baby.

i do however think there would be a live score and an orchestra. A lot of the music would need to be recorded but there’s at least be a few musicians.

different characters speak in different poetic styles at different times to communicate character and plot development.

to elaborate on that: Characters switch from loose ABBA or ABAB rhyme schemes and vaguely rhythmic meter when chatting back and forth to strict perfect iambic pentameter for tense scenes or political speeches.

Techno speaks exclusively in unrhyming dactylic hexameter, an extremely common poetic form for Greek and Latin poetry. It’s what the Iliad was written in. This has the interesting effect of making Techno sound, at first glance, unpoetic. His speech doesn’t rhyme, and doesn’t follow a common English rhythm scheme, so it wouldn’t immediately register as structured. However, dactylic hexameter is actually significantly harder to write in English than expected because of our syllable stress patterns. Speaking like that would be, objectively, a sign of extreme intelligence, but could easily be overlooked as coarse uncultured behavior.

Techno’s chorus - composed of audience members, background extras, and people (in safety harnesses) sitting in the theater rafters - speak largely in Greek and Classical Chinese, quoting sections of the Art of War and Homer’s work. The major exceptions to this are ‘Blood for the Blood god,’ ‘no,’ and ‘do it.’ They all wear a hat or some form of headband that has a glowing LED eye, hidden, but activated when they speak. The audience plants are all in dark clothes, and when the lights go down they don medical masks/sunglasses. Anything to obscure their faces.

The Chorus, a group of robed masked people who broke the fourth wall and often entered the audience, was a vital part of early Greek theatre. I am an intolerable nerd, and the thought of sitting in a dark theatre only to hear an low distorted voice beside you start to comment on the play as a whole choir of voices echo around you, then turning to see your seat neighbor is a masked person with a glowing red eye in your forehead? Literally incredible.

Dream is the only character dressed in even remotely modern clothes.

Dream is first seen as someone (again, in modern clothes) sneaking around backstage in a black hoodie: most of the audience probably assumes he’s a stagehand and not meant to be seen. Then, at some point, he moves from behind a set piece and enters the scene as an actual character, revealing his mask.

interestingly, this is really similar to what I believe is a bit of myth about why ninjas are dressed in all black in modern media. They wouldn’t have been irl, they would’ve dressed like civilians. But stagehands in Japanese theatre would dress in all-black, and were often completely visible onstage moving sets - it was common courtesy to ignore them. Then one day some playwright had the brilliant idea of having one of the stagehands enter the story as an assassin, and suddenly every actor in all-black was a threat. For the life of me I can’t remember where I read that but it’s a cool thought :D

Dream canonically can interact with set pieces, lighting, and curtains.

Dream actively directs lighting in scenes he is not in, sitting above the stage kicking his feet.

Dream is often used to hand off props to characters instead of having them pull them from a pocket and pretend they were pulled from their ‘inventory.’ This begins to get confusing when Dream is acknowledged later on as the he person giving, say, TNT to Wilbur, or wither skulls to Techno.

characters address the audience as ‘Chat,’ (English’s first fourth-person pronoun my beloved) almost constantly, especially for comedic purposes- most of their monologues are addressed directly to the audience as well. For Wilbur, it’s a sign of instability when he stops addressing ‘Chat’ and start addressing the sides or back of the stage.

philza enters from the lower audience, right by the stage, probably after pooping up from the orchestra pit and taking a reserved seat halfway through so no one sees the wings.

Tommy has by far the least structured or rhyming dialogue - if it weren’t for how carefully crafted it was it would sound like normal prose.

Tommy speaks to the audience by FAR the most. Wilbur only addresses them when soliloquizing. Techno barely addresses them at all: they address him. Ranboo speaks to the audience only when alone, and it’s usually phrased like he’s writing in his memory journal. Tommy speaks to the audience at first like a loud younger brother. As he gets older, it sounds more and more like a plea for help, a prayer for intervention that will never come. Exile is one long string of desperate begging aimed our way.

Tommy stops speaking to the audience so much after Doomsday. He starts again when Dream is imprisoned. He stops for good when he dies in there, beaten, alone.

Sam and the Warden are meant to be played by different actors, ideally siblings or fraternal twins. They wear identical stage makeup and costumes, but the difference is there. None of the characters acknowledge this.

the Stage would need to be absolutely massive and curve almost halfway around the central audience, largely because it should be able to be split at times into two separate stages to show different things happening at the same time. This could possibly also work if there were two stages, but getting people to easily turn from one stage to the other without loosing sight of what was happening would be rough.

Doomsday taking advantage of the scaffolding in the rafters and using them as the ‘grid’ for the tnt droppers.

actual trained dogs for Doomsday my beloved. Would cost a fortune but could you imagine.

the entire revolution arc ripped off Hamilton, we all know that, I think we can afford to have a stagehand step forward in that frozen moment in time when Tommy and Dream have that duel, grab the arrow, and carry it slowly across the stage right into Tommy’s eye. For morale.

throughout the execution scene Techno keeps slipping out of poetic meter, especially when he sees/is worried about Phil. After the totem (which would be freaking amazing as some sort of stage effect with like lights and red and green streamers or smthn dude-) he stops speaking in poetry. The scene with Quackity is entirely spoken dialogue. Chat is silent. It’s only when he gets back and sees evidence that his house has been tampered with that Chat starts up again (kill, blood, death, hunt, hunt, hunt-) and he starts speaking in rhythm again.

Every canon death, Dream marks a tally on something in the background. Maybe it’s in his arm? Like a personal scorecard. Or maybe it’s on the person themselves, a little set of three hearts he marks through with a dry-erase marker or something.

phil and techno have a lot more eastern design elements and musical influences than the rest of the cast, except for Techno’s war theme which is just choir, bagpipes, and some sort of rhythmic ticking or thumping. Phil’s also got a choir sting but it’s a lot harsher, the ladies are higher and them men lower, and the chords are really dissonant (think murder of crows)

Tommy’s theme has a lot of drums, but its core is actually a piano melody. The inverse of Tommy’s theme is Tubbo’s, but Tubbo’s is usually played on a ukulele. Wilbur is guitar, obv, and Niki’s is on viola.

Quackity is a little saxophone lick. He and Schlatt both have a strong big band/jazz influence.

None of the instruments that play dream’s theme play anywhere else in the music. I’m thinking harp, music box, and some kind of low wind instrument.

[qin-qin16]

My computer is possessed?! Oh, wait, it's just my out-coded skeleton boyfriend!

Summary: When some of your work in progress goes missing, you decide to start investigating whether your computer has a virus. That is until you realize that the few remaining works are of one character: Error Sans. cw: kinitoPET and creepypasta vibes, writer Reader, Ink is mentioned, Error is jealousy, again, comedy, Reader finally notices that something wrong is happening! (Part one) (Part two)

“I should really get a new chair..." You say slowly, tilting your head back and feeling your neck stretch — a habit that you keep indulging in, no matter how sore it makes your nape afterward. "Then again, I also need to buy some new pants... and a new mouse as well..." Your head rolls over your shoulders, and before you know it, you’re staring at the computer screen again.

Your fingers lightly tap against the table; pinky, ring, middle, and index. One after the other in a rhythmic sequence — until you mess up and clench your hand into a loose fist.

"Ink definitely wouldn’t say that; he’s just so clueless." And there you are, deleting an entire paragraph for the third time, unhappy with how your story is turning out. "Why did I have to write about this jerk again?"

Because he’s a complex character with many layers that can add depth to your plot. You can almost imagine yourself explaining it, wearing glasses with a raised finger — just like that nerd emoji meme.

Even though your explanation was spot on, you can’t help but huff in frustration, rubbing your eyes with your thumbs before looking back at the blank Word document.

“... Why is this so bright?” If you were standing in front of a mirror, you’d definitely see your pupils constricting; a slight burning sensation spreading across your eyes as your finger keeps clicking on the computer keys, the brightness rapidly dimming.

Before you can blink, you let out a slow hiss. The burning in your eyes, sharp against your sensitive irises, returns suddenly; and in front of you, seemingly amused by the situation, your computer screen is set to full brightness.

"What the hell?" you curse, quickly covering your eyes with your hands as you pull away from the screen. For a moment, all you see is complete darkness, with a few bright spots flickering in your vision.

Maybe it’s time to start using eye drops; your eyes probably wouldn’t hurt so much after hours in front of the computer.

"I must have pressed the wrong key..." That’s a possibility, if it weren’t for a little voice in the back of your mind whispering the steps you took moments ago; you definitely pressed the right keys and released them at the right moment to actually dim the screen. "Or did I think I clicked but really didn’t?"

Your head droops onto your shoulders — and a low grunt escapes your lips as you feel the muscles in your neck stretch, pulling your shoulder blades along with them.

You rest your face in your hands, then rub your eyes and look at the computer again between your fingers. “You know what? It doesn’t matter.” Your feet shuffle toward the table, the rolling chair getting stuck at some point. “I just need to finish at least this dialogue before I can finally shut this thing down with a clear conscience.”

In theory, it should be a simple task; in practice, not so much. Especially when the paragraphs you’ve already written keep getting erased-

"What the hell is going on?!" You couldn’t believe — or understand — what was happening right before your eyes: sentence by sentence, your fanfic was being quickly erased, line by line.

You quickly moved the mouse away from the document, clicking anywhere else in the browser to stop your writing from being deleted — which didn’t do much good. The cursor soon started moving on its own, spinning around the screen until it selected an entire paragraph and deleted it.

"What’s going on?!" you shout as you repeat the same action, clicking outside the browser to keep the cursor from going back to the document, sliding it left, right — anywhere to keep whatever was controlling your mouse away from your precious fanfic. "Is this what a hacker attack feels like?"

It’s the only explanation; unless the existence of ghosts is not just real, but they also have the ability to manipulate electronics and understand how the internet works.

Before you could think any more about it, the cursor had returned to the center of the screen — but this time, before it could delete any more of your text, you quickly took control of the mouse, dragging it to the red box in the corner of the window and closing it for good.

You didn’t even curse or shout afterward; your mouth stays slightly open, slowly widening enough to express your disbelief at what had just happened. Your eyes remained fixed on the computer, even as your vision grew increasingly blurry, much like the whirlwind of thoughts swirling in your mind.

"What the hell was that? Was it some kind of virus? Or a hacker's prank? I didn’t share this document with anyone, so it must have been some damn hacker with no job doing something so messed up! But wait, what if it’s like those little computer avatars that are actually viruses messing with your documents and folders? Did I download something strange without even noticing?”

Your focus snaps back to the screen as a notepad file opens in the upper corner of your desktop.

HEHEHEHEHEHEH GOT YOU!

“Son of a bitch,” you growl, grinding your teeth together as your eyes scan the message in all caps again and again.

This was solid proof (at least for your stress-fried brain) that this was the work of a sadistic hacker, taking pleasure in your suffering. It was decided: you would take your computer to a specialist as soon as possible — hacker or not, you would get your precious computer back at any cost.

Banging your head against the desk — and grunting as the pain spreads across your forehead — you don’t even notice that the light on your webcam is on.

Tagging area, if you want to be tagged, just ask :D

@snastheskeleton64 @moon-and-fries @unamzi @something-random1-1-blog @lostsoulofdragon @notagamerlol @staryycheze

[writingquestionsanswered]

I wrote a book, but my novel is dragging way too long. What's the best way to determine what needs to get cut?

Fixing a Dragging Novel

#1 - Make sure your conflict is clear.

Every story should revolve around a conflict. The action of your story is created by the protagonist's attempt to resolve that conflict by pursuing a goal. Sometimes when stories drag, it's because there is no conflict or because the conflict is weak, leading to a meandering plot. (see: Understanding Goals and Conflict)

#2 - Consider your novel's structure.

Even character-driven novels have structure, meaning there are typical story beats and plot points that need to occur. As with plot-driven and combination stories, there are many different potential structures you can use. You can also follow a structure loosely (taking only what works and discarding what doesn't) or combine what you like from multiple structures. What matters is that it works for the story you want to tell, and that it helps you hit the natural points of a good story.

#3 - Consider your balance of action, exposition, and dialogue.

Stories should maintain a relative balance of action (things happening), exposition (explaining things), and dialogue (characters talking.) Ideally, every scene should have a relative balance, depending on the needs of the scene. If you have a scene that's 80% exposition, 15% dialogue, and 5% action, that scene is really going to drag. And if the next scene is 65% dialogue, 25% action, and 10% exposition, that scene is probably going to drag, too. That doesn't mean you need to have a 33% balance of all three, but you want to make sure that one doesn't completely overwhelm the others unless it's absolutely necessary.

#4 - Consider your pacing.

Even when you balance action, exposition, and dialogue, some scenes will have a slower pace and some scenes will have a faster pace. If you have too many fast-paced scenes in a row, or too many slow-paced scenes, the reader gets bored which makes the story drag. That said, it's a good idea to vary your pacing to create a relative balance between fast and slow. If you've had a couple of fast-paced scenes, stick in a slow-paced scene or two to allow the reader to catch their breath. If you've had a slower-paced scene, try following it up with a faster-paced scene to liven things up.

#5 - Make sure everything pulls its weight.

Every bit of everything that happens, every bit of info given and things explained, every conversation, every scene... all of it needs to be there for a reason. If you're writing a story about researchers going to Skull Island to find King Kong, you can't have a whole scene on the boat taken up by a high stakes card game unless things happen during that card game that are critical to the reader's understanding of the characters or plot. Things can't be there just for fun, or because it's cute, or to give the characters some interaction. Everything has to contribute to the plot in some way. If you have a lot of things happening that don't really matter in the story, it can make your plot drag. That said, go through your story and look at the things that happen. Ask yourself if you can remove that moment, event, or scene without it affecting the overall story. If you can, or if a few minor changes would make the removal work, it's a moment, event, or scene you can think about cutting.

I hope that helps!

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I’ve been writing seriously for over 30 years and love to share what I’ve learned. Have a writing question? My inbox is always open!

♦ Questions that violate my ask policies will be deleted! ♦ Please see my master list of top posts before asking ♦ Learn more about WQA here

[oceansssblue]

I love Mermay! May I request a mer!reader x Sailor/Pirate!Fives? The reader is a siren and is technically supposed to be luring Fives and his friends to their deaths, but ends up not doing so after getting into a convo with him. When someone (Palpatine, Fox, random guy, whoever you want) does try to kill Fives, the reader is able to save him. Happy ending please!

Hi there! Yay! As I have said before, I will be writing all my requests, but MERMAY! requests have priority over others even though they have been requested on a later note!

Dear anon, ty for the request! We're def going for a "cruel" badass siren that will be to her surprise captivated with our charming pirate Fives. Palpatine is obviously the bad guy.

I don't know much about sailing and i'm trying to do a past era alternative universe thing, so ignore any incongruences and that.

I hope you like it!

Xx,

Sky.

"A CHANGE OF CURRENT"

FIVES/MER!FREADER 📩💔💖

WARNINGS: MENTIONS OF DEATH, BLOOD, WOUNDS, CRUELTY, SIRENS KILLING/EATING HUMANS, BITES, SCARS. REFERENCES TO ECHO'S TRAUMATIC EXPERIENCE. DON'T GET SCARED. THIS IS MOSTLY FANTASY&MISTERY&FLUFF.

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

"Being friends with the Captain doesn't allow you to lounge around, Fives" a voice almost identical to his teases him at his back.

The man in question turns around and grins. Echo has a half-fond, half-exasperated tiny little smile on his face. He's dressed in a similar way to him; thin linnen shirt with a deep opened v-neck and rolled up-pants, just in different tones of blue.

"Actually, it allows me to do exactly that" Fives retorts cheekily. Before Echo has a chance to put him into place, always the responsible of the two twins, he adds. "And I'll let you know lounging is a very important task on the "79's".

Echo arches an eyebrow. He crosses his arms in front of his chest; his hook just grazing the still pale skin of his left peck. Too much time spent trapped away from the sun.

"Is that so?" His brother humours him. The sun is hovering right upon them, bringing darker shades on Echo's already angular face. He's slowly filling out a bit, though, and for that Fives is glad. "How does that work, exactly?"

Fives tilts his head to the side. Echo always thought one of his twin's radiant smiles could iluminate any ship at the darkest of nights. That's the way he could eventually find the way back home, back to the 79's; Fives.

"Keeping a good mood is crutial to a ship's crew" his twin continues, going on one of his tangents. "It makes everyone work better, faster. Reduces fatigue and dangerous thoughts like plotting a mutiny".

Sometimes Echo wonders if Fives has all of this little stupid dialogues planned in his head just because, waiting for their chance to come up. The silliness of his twin's mind never ceases to surprise him; even after so many years of living together travelling through the seven seas.

"Like any of us would ever plot something of the sorts against Rex" Echo rolls his eyes, amused.

Fives shrugs, big smile still in his tanned face. They used to look so similar, Fives and him, before the accident. Now there are just... resemblances. Similarities. Probably the thing he hates the most about what happened –besides loosing his limbs–; how they had visually differentiated him so much of his twin, of his other half. For all Fives could be tiring and obnoxious, Echo knows he couldn't live without him. Even though getting used to his new body has been incredibly hard, he's glad for this second chance with him.

"I dunno' " Fives voice quickly brings him back to present time. He mimicks something dropping onto his head with his hands. "I think I'd look great with Captain Rex's hat".

Fives imitates the Captain's fierce expression and seriousness, still holding onto his imaginary pirate hat; and Echo can't keep the chuckles inside.

"You're a jokester, Fives".

His twin grins again.

"Don't make me repeat why that's important, now".

Echo smiles. Softly, this time.

Around them, at this time of the early afternoon, right after lunch, the crew of the 79' is surprisingly quiet and calm. The sea is peaceful today as well; nothing like the day before or the previous night. They're delving into dangerous waters, now. Places that don't quite appear on the map.

"What were you doing here anyways, all alone?" Echo asks.

Fives hums distractedly and glances in front of him again, at the sea; one leg staying inside the ship and the other dangling over board. The two of them have always been a little reckless like that; specially Fives.

"Thought I heard something" he whispers, then turns back to his twin again. His eyes suddenly look innocently young again, and his twin is suddenly reminded of past memories, of the two of them enlisting in the 79' when they were barely kids. "Do you think sirens really exist, brother?"

Echo sighs. They have all heard stories; but no one on board has ever personally seen one. He doesn't really know what to believe; could they be truly real, or are they just stories invented by lonely men that live by the sea?

"I don't know, Fives" he answers, going for honesty.

Fives hums, scanning the waters again; looking for something it's not quite there.

"If they do, do you think they're truly evil, like the stories tell?"

Echo stays quiet for some minutes. Then, he glances down at his hook; at the wood that replaces his legs. The skin that stays in contact with them feels sore and pained; he really should get some rest. He sighs, tired.

"I don't think so. If they do exist, and they do have something against us, I guess they'd just want to kill us directly, eliminate what they consider a danger and threat for their waters" he pauses and breathes in deeply. "I don't think they'd slowly torture us like humans do. We're the cruelest beings on land or not".

Fives golden eyes silently travel back to Echo's. He reads between the lines. He understands his point.

"You're probably right" he quietly answers, the moment unexpectedly delicate now. He shakes his head and smiles. Softer, gentle, now. "Come on. Let's go shut some eye".

Fives stands up with renewed energy, abandoning heavy feelings behind; and pats Echo's back affectionately. His twin nods knowingly, and follows him through the ship. Even though it doesn't mean he doesn't feel just as deeply –Maker knows he does–, Fives has never been one to hold up emotional conversations for too much time. They weigh heavy in his heart.

Echo takes his space on the thin cot –if you could call a bunch of old shredded clothes and blankets pushed together that– beside him and closes his eyes. Both of them, that night, dream of sirens and mermaids and all those stories the sailors spread around. They aren't aware how close they are to see some of those stories become alive.

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

You've been following them for two days now. Your job is to patrol the very limits of your world with the human's sea; and you were instantly alerted of their presence when they arrived, that enourmous ship of them difficult to miss.

It's not the biggest one you've seen. You had a fight with another one once, years ago; it's wood almost a dark black and it's sails a vibrant red. You still remember its name; Death Star. An aproppiate name for such an evil captain, such an evil ship. That fight was the main reason you had been assigned to keep all humans out of this waters; they just take and take, leaving nothing but destruction behind. You're not about to lose anyone else; not to the unforgiving, beautiful, yet terrifying sea, and definitively not to one of them.

This humans don't really seem to be looking for anything in particular. You had waited patiently, trying to find out their needs and wants; but reached no logical conclusion. They just seem to be... Wandering. Exploring. Ah, perhaps they're the curious ones. Many humans seem to be, just in the way young sirens are in their first years; wanting to swim through every single corner of the sea. See the world with their own eyes, and not through what elders tell them. You had been like that as well, in the past.

Mm. No matter. You're not putting the lifes of your people at risk just because these ones are looking fairly innocent. You know how quickly the tide can change directions, how surprising and dangerous the currents can be; and you're not going to let yourself be dragged by it. You'll do what you have to do; observe, wait patiently, and at night, lure them in. Your tongue wraps delicately around your sharp canines, excitement running through your veins.

You swim deeper into the sea below the ship. You almost feel impatient to play with them.

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

You curse under your breath, quickly hiding underwater when he almost catches sight of you while scanning the sea. You've seen this particular human before; often staring at the water or the horizon, a contemplative look on his face. He's a dreamer, this one; sometimes looking younger than you suppose he really is, others quickly snapping back to reality and jumping to his work with surprising skill. He's handsome as humans go; bronze skin looking smooth under the unforgiving sun and trained muscles peaking under his semi-transparent shirt. He has a strong jaw and nose, expressive eyebrows and golden eyes; a trait that somehow seems common with his fellow soldiers, maybe sharing the same origin, perhaps even some of them being family.

Watching him carefully under the distortion of the dark blue water, you're developed hearing catch a second voice entering the scene; and the human turns around in his precarious position on the border of the ship. This one is named "79's". It must be a reference to something you can't quite place; or perhaps a year of relevance to them.

Human tongue is quite easy to learn, contrary to your native Mando'a; so you have no trouble following the conversation even underwater. Both men hold affection clear in their voice; indicating a closer kind of relationship than two normal sailors on the same ship would have. The second voice sounds more mature to you; perhaps simply because this first human ��Fives, you learn, what a curious name for a person– doesn't seem to take life very seriously. But then his voice drops, quietly asking something that makes your heart beat faster inside your chest; if your people are real.

It's a common thing to ponder between sailors. Humans like the tingling excitement of being a bit afraid; of imagining situations that may never end up happening in their heads. But no, this one doesn't sound at all afraid; just curious, cautious. When he asks his brother –you confirm– if he thinks stories about sirens are real, of what they do to humans, anger spreads like a fire inside of you. Oh, yes, because they don't do anything of the sorts to other creatures on this earth. The second voice –Echo's– answers in a quiet, delicate way; and you have to swim closer to surface just to take a look at him. You suddenly put things together; something horribly traumatic must have happened to his human, for him to look like that. You can't imagine living without your tail. It saddens you, inevitably; he's still handsome even like this, he would have been even prettier without his injuries. He would look like... Fives.

You blink, a bit confused at the direction of your own thoughts. Fives own voice tinges with understanding and fondness. He pats his brother affectionately, and then forgets about the sea; both of them quietly retiring for now, their steps echoing against the wood as they wook away.

You're left with a weird feeling inside of you. This two seemed... Kind. It isn't a word you usually associate with humans; but here you are.

You shake your head, mumbling to yourself. You won't let them fool you. Humans still carry all that darkness inside of them; that evil. You want none of that in your home, your sea.

Tomorrow, you say to yourself.

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Fives smiles fondly at the sight of little 'Soka staring at the full moon in front of them. It's as big as they've ever seen it; very close to the sea, iluminating a silvery path towards the 79's in the otherwise dark night.

Ashoka is pure energy. The girl is hiperactive even at hours like this, were most of the crew has already gone to sleep; too excited to lay still in bed in the cabin she shares with Rex. The Captain of the 79's had adopted her many years ago, accepted her in his ship with a blink of an eye after finding out Ashoka had been abandoned in land by Captain Windu no less –an ex-friend and current enemy of Rex–; the small girl quickly falling under his wing like his own daughter. Fives can't understand how anyone could leave behind a kid like that; Ashoka is the only girl aboard, but she is like their own personal ray of sunlight. Hope. She's a special kid; has a perfect eye on when to pursue their enemies and when to abandon or change routes, an innate pirate even as young as she is. Fives can only try to imagine what things she would be able to do with more age and experience.

For now, though, 'Soka's just a kid. And kids do silly things; like playfully sticking out her tongue and precariously balancing her steps in the baupress of the 79's. Fives rolles his eyes good-naturatedly. He isn't too hard on the kid; he had been fearless and oblivious to danger once too. Hell, he still is, sometimes. It's just his way of being; free. He doesn't want to die by Rex hands if something happened to her, though, so he motions down with a flick of his hand.

"Get your feet down here, m' lady" he jokes, then extends his hand to hers in a courteous offer.

'Soka laughs, a sound that echoes softly in the silence of the night.

"Mm. I don't know if I shall accept such proposition, good sir" she answers, standing up in the thin baupress as if it is nothing.

Her dark black hair, looking almost blue, flies freely with the wind even with her white bandana wrapped around it. Her skin is as tanned as his, freckles tracing the outlines of the white scars that mark her otherwise perfect face. Like Fives and Echo, she has basically grown up on a moving ship.

"I'd like to keep my head, my lady, if you'd be so kind to help me" Fives insists, eyes turning to a gentle warning.

Ashoka rolls her big blue eyes.

"Okay..." she grumbles, then, abandoning the theatricality.

She turns her direction with flowless agility and starts her careful way back to him.

The ship rocks dangerously in the water –the sea not completely peaceful today–, and Ashoka stops in surprise and fear, holding her balance as best as she can. Fives also holds his breath. The 79's stops moving and they both sigh in relief, staring at each other well aware of the risks.

The girl chuckles nervously.

"Welp, that was a close one." She guiltily admits, restarting her way towards him. "I keep forgetting this waters are dangerous and not exactly what we're used to, huh?"

Fives doesn't tear his eyes from her.

"Yeah" he agrees. "Maybe you should leave your acrobatics for when we're back on the GAR sea..."

Big, angry waves splashes against the botton of the ship again; a sudden move that disestabilises Ashoka for a second time. It all happens too fast; the girl's right feet steps just on the edge of the baupress, losing balance, and her weight leans too much over one side with a terrified gasp. By the time Fives has rushed forward in a desperate attempt to catch her hand, Ashoka has already been devoured by the dark see with a dooming splash.

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

You smirk darkly when the sound of a body hitting the surface of the water is transmitted under the waves. You almost want to laugh at the way the small human desperately moves his legs to try to stay afloat; the sea isn't looking good for creatures without fins tonight, and it is obvious that this female doesn't even know how to properly swim even in calm circumstances. Maybe it's just because she's small, you're not sure.

You strike at her –harshly tugging her leg down and sinking her under the surface– right when another body drops into the sea. You snarl, irritated by the interuption, and turn around, scanning the water around you. Just five or six meters away, there he is; the human named Fives, the dreamer, the one who almost discovered you ahead of time.

This one does now how to swim. Even though his eyes are clearly pannicked, searching for her fellow human companion among the darkness of the black waves, his legs calmly move just enough to keep him afloat; conserving very much needed energy. His clothes are stuck to his body; both humans look so utterly small in the openness of the water...

The small female human screams, terrified, still not grasping her new reality; and the man shouts her name in a hoarse voice, squinting and desperately trying to find her. The girl goes to shout again; and your clawed hand quickly reaches up to close around her throat –not to really cut her breathing of, but as a warning–. You're not known for your patience, and you really can't stand creatures screeching.

Fives golden eyes, still having a shine to them with the moonlight, finally turns to your direction; and his whole face morphs into wonder, fear and shock, quickly taking in your claws and sharp teeth, the gills on the side of your neck and the dangerous swoosh of the powerful tail behind you. The small girl trembles in your strong arms; you glance down at her, bored but curious at the same time. She really is the smallest human you have crossed pass with. Are those marks that shine white on her face scars?

"Please" Fives voice barely picks up with the sounds of the waves and the wind. "You don't want to hurt her".

His words and his firm stare stuns you for a second. Then, you laugh out loud, the sound being carried away by the howling wind.

You haven't used the human tongue for so long... Since that fight. You'd be kind to humour this human for now. Perhaps getting to know them for a bit before eliminating them would help you understand them better and kill them easier in the future. For as small as humans are, they do make interesting big weapons.

"Don't I?" You smirk, tongue wrapping teasingly around your rigth canine. You caress the girl's hair with the hand that is not carefully holding her against her throat. You push your nose up to her neck and smell; then tilt your face back to the male. "Mm. Perhaps not hurt her. Just quickly kill her, no pain".

Fives trembles in the cold of the sea. The girl too. You grin.

"Why?" Is his pained answer. He's trying to remain calm, you can see that, even if his insides live in complete turmoil. "To eat her?"

You make a face.

"No. Human is not my favorite kind of dish" you inmediately answer, then shrug desinterested. "You kill us, I kill you first. It's the sea's law, sailor".

Fives frowns.

"We kill you? I didn't even know you truly existed until now" he points out.

Ah, humans are such natural spokesperson. Always finding an argument no matter their cause.

"You're people" you correct, drawing a claw down the girls face, not enough to draw blood from it, just a distracted caress.

Fives face... Pouts.

"That's pretty unfair, if I may say so. You can't blame a whole species in the name of a few".

You let your gaze find his eyes again. He's so determined it's entertaining to watch.

"You claim you're different?" You ask, observing him.

He nods.

You can see the fatigue starting to creep onto him. You're holding the freezing girl with your own strength, but he's on his own. You wonder how much longer would he be able to stay afloat. Maybe you should just wait and watch him sink.

"See those scars on Ashoka's face?" His words pull your attention back at her white marks. She tries to stay still while you study her. "They were made by bad people. Cruel humans. My brother Echo suffered by others as well. And yet here we are. I love Ashoka as if she were my own sister. I love my twin. I'd do everything to protect them. I don't want to cause pain to them".

You huf.

"That's easy. No one wants to hurt people that are dear to them. What about other's that aren't? Would you care?"

Fives is stubborn. You'll give him that.

"I wouldn't purposedly hurt others for the sake of doing so. Or if there's any other way. Look, there... Must be some bad sirens too. People who just enjoy killing and hunting indefense creatures just because they feel joy watching them suffer; not a matter of protecting their home or territory. And there must be good ones" he breathes raggedly. "It's the same with humans. There is evil and kindness in every living being. If you'd only gave us a chance, you'd be able to see it".

You hum. He makes a point. The excitement melts down. Your curiosity doesn't. Are all humans this interesting?

"What is your Captain looking for in this waters, Fives?"

His mouth opens in surprise.

"You..."

"Know you?" You chuckle, moving your tail slowly. "Mm. I've been studying you for days, I know some things. The answer, sailor?"

Fives forces himself to push through his shock and confussion to answer you.

"We've been paid handsomely to explore this part of the Unkown Seas. We have a cartographer aboard, he's been working nonstop since we crossed the GAR frontier."

You hum, recalling those maps the humans use to sail the seas without getting too lost of their way.

"So there's nothing you want from us?" You insist.

To your shock, Fives smiles; a small, almost cheeky tug of lips.

"Well, I do have a lot of questions about sirens now that I've seen you, but no, not really. Like I said, we didn't even know you truly existed. We just want to make our trip and return to land safely".

You observe him in silence. You feel the girls energy draining too; blinking heavily.

"Mm" you hum, pushing her against his arms in a second. Fives stares at you, wide eyed, not expecting you to move that fast. "You can call for your human friends to help, sailor. I've decided I will just keep an eye on your ship for now".

Then, before Fives has the chance to answer, you tear your hands away from the girl and dissapear under the sea.

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Fives receives the reprimand of his life at Rex's personal delivery. He's task with leaving the ship shiny up and down; Ashoka also punished along him. If there's something the Captain of the 79's doesn't show, it's mercy. Oh, he's polite and gentle enough, if the situation calls for it; but he doesn't let things slip by. He's always aware, always scanning his crew with his amber eyes; and even though both 'Soka and Fives had tried to make the incident sound less of a danger, just an unimportant accident, there's really no way going around the fact that they had had a very close, dangerous encounter with a Siren.

Rex doesn't believe them at first. But then he sees the light marks on Ashoka's neck; there's nothing deep or worrying, but they're definitely shaped like some kind of claws, and he know's his fair number of fish and sharks to know they can't have done anything of the sort. Fives is guilty, yes, but he seems honest when he retells the experience. Ashoka too, a pleading look of forgiveness in her big blue eyes. Rex has no other option than to accept the story as truth.

Everyone on board of the 79's has the chance to see said siren with their own eyes a pair of days later. It's at night, so no one really sees her for quite some time; til Ashoka suddenly gasps and points out towards the see with wonder –and a sliver of fear– in her eyes. Rex quickly squints and stares in surprise. Well, that's a siren all right. The Captain and his men only have time to observe her for a minute before she smirks and plunges down into the water, her tail a silent goodbye.

Fives grins and elbows Echo.

"See? What a stalker. I think she likes me" he jokes, and Echo rolls his eyes pushing him with an exasperated smile.

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

"Morning, dear siren" Fives greets you, carefully using the ropes to lower himself with his feet against the outside of the ship's structure, still on his shining the 79's duty. "How has sleep being under there?"

You splash him with your tail in irritation. There's no peace with the sailor around; and he has developed the annoying habit of periodically coming to talk to you.

Fives gasps with the cold water drenching his clothes; but his face quickly morphs from surprise to cheerful amusement.

"Why, thank you. I did notice I had started to smell too" he then smirks and studies your body up and down in a way that makes you as mad as nervous. "Darling, if you just wanted to see me wet, though... There's better ways we can enjoy together."

Even though there's a blush fighting it's way through your face, you keep your expresion neutral and narrow your eyes at him.

"You're the most annoying human I've ever met".

Five grins; as if your words were a personal compliment for him.

"You're magnificent company as well, dear siren" he retorts, unbothered.

You tilt your head, glancing up at him. It's both funny and irritating the way this human talks to you. He should fear you; you could jump up right now and kill him in a blink, and yet he's always like this around you. Curious, awed, and cautious while being impossibly and purposedly irritating as well. You wonder if it's his weird human way of making friends.

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Fives reintroduces a wary Ashoka to you. It's only sensitive for her to be cautious; after all, you did have your claws around her neck not so long ago. After Fives' reassurance and a few patient words on your part, though, she quickly leaves the past behind; and watches Fives' careless and friendly interaction with you with bright eyes.

You grow fond of her as the days pass. It surprises you the way the girl seems atuned to other creatures of the sea; smaller ones like rain-fishes and seahorses always curiously coming up to meet her. You've heard of people like her before; humans with a special conection to the sea, with an instinctual understanding of it. Your people believe humans too came from the sea; and some just happen to conserve traits of their real origins more than others. If so, Ashoka is definitively one of them; and perhaps any of these sailors that seem for some reason persistent on spending more time at sea than in true land.

One late afternoon you ask Fives of this; of his will of travelling through the seas. You ask him wether he misses land, other human civilizations and things; but Fives shruggs with a smile. He tells you he likes it here, aboard on the 79's with his brothers, his family; and opens up about his own past as well. You listen to him mesmerised; feeling again like a kid whose being told interesting stories of lands far away.

After Fives finishes his and Echo's story –their misfortune making a strong feeling of protectiveness soar inside of you–, he glances at you with a tilt of his head, suddenly quiet and pensive.

"Plus" he continues, voice barely a whisper. "There's a certain peace you can't find anywhere else but the sea".

Even though his words are carefully soft and his demeanour almost shy –very uncharasteristal of him–, his bright eyes are full of heavy emotions; almost wanting to tell you a story different than what his words tell you. Almost whispering to you there's something more to his words than what they say.

You sink under the surface of the sea so only your eyes are peaking above the waves; needing the comfort of the water to hold his stare, this sudden shift on the atmosphere.

Fives hums, and you take a last look at him before dissapearing under the sea, running away from the human who's starting to make you feel things you haven't –and shouldn't– felt before.

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Rutine makes you complacent. You get so relaxed at the knowledge that the 79's is no risk to you or your species you forget to stay vigilant; forget that they're not the only possible danger at the sea.

It happens at night; when your senses are dulled by sleep, your body curled in a tight space between the rocks at the bottom of the sea. Your return to consciousnes is a slow and lazy process. You open your mouth wide before momentarily clenching your teeth; the rest of your body muscles tensing and relaxing as well with your tiny stretch. Your eyes open and you focus on your surroundings; it doesn't feel like you've slept more than a pair of hours, and you usually don't have a problem to shut the eye throughout the whole night. Something must have awaken you subsconciously. You've long learned to trust your instintcs, so you decide to explore the sea around your little safe spot for the night before trying to get some more sleep. Maybe there's a predator around here.

It's when you swim away from the rocks you've hid in when you inmediately notice what's wrong; your too far away from the surface for the water to feel agitated here, but when you glance up, you see the usually dark ocean lit up in orange and red. The inmediate thought of the humans –of Ashoka and Fives– being in danger crosses your mind; and you're swimming up, up, up, before you're able to realise it yourself.

Your head peaks through the surface of the water and you can't help but gasp, eyes widenned in fear. The 79's wrecked. Besides it... So is the Death Star. Both ships have been fighting for who knows how long and you were peacefully asleep. It fills you with a dangerous wave of guilt; and unstopable anger. This is the ship that cost you the live of some of your best friends. This is the reason your people is no longer friendly towards humans; the pain of the past reflected on scars and lost ones. Some part of you is afraid –terrified– of facing said captain and crew again; the other part of you feels ravenous. This is your chance of revenge.

You sink under the water and sing. It's a song every siren child is taught by their elders; a call for help no one ever ignores. Sirens will stop at nothing for their people, their pods. Your voice carries easily through the water; and you hear a distant echo answering you. You know it's only a matter of time your people arrive. You'll help however you can in the mean time.

Your trained eyes and senses zoom in the fight aboard of the 79's. The men of the Death Star are dressed in black, like a bad omen; the colourful splashes belonging to Captain Rex' men. Both ships aren't the only battlefield; some are even fighting in the water, perhaps after pushing each other over board, some swinging their blades on top of smaller life-boats and lost planks of woods. The repair for what's left of both ships would be slow and costly.

You sink under the waves and move fast; jumping and dragging the 79's enemies with you underwater, drowning them or sinking your claws in their vulnerable throats, their screams futile under the water.

You can't see Fives or Ashoka yet; but just as the first of your fellow sirens arrive, you see Palpatine and Rex. They're fighting on the Death Star; blades swinging at each other while they expertly balance on the edge of the ship. You stop right below them and stare intently upwards; trying to catch the Captain's attention.

You do. Rex' eyes flicker downwards; making contact with yours. He quickly goes back to fighting against Captain Palpatine –how such an old man can move that fast you'll never know– and you wait patiently, licking your lips. You know Rex has catched on your idea and you only need to give him some time to bring him to you.

It's not a difficult move. With the knowledge that you'll be there to push him again back to safety and simultaneously kill his enemy, Rex throws his own body weight against Palpatine with all his strength and they both fall into the sea.

You almost see it happening in slow motion, such is your desire to claw your way through him. You're closing your hand around his throat in a blink, as soon as his body crashes against the waves; eyes shining and jaw opening to show your teeth while you push your face close to his. You want him to have a good look at you before you kill him.

"This is for Qui, Plo and Aayla" you tell him, eyes burning in hatred and vengance, his pathetic tugs at your hands only fueling your resolve. "And for those you'll never be able to hurt again".

You don't let him speak his last words. He doesn't deserve it; and he's not going to rat his way out of this. You snarl and sink your sharp teeth in his neck, closing your jaw before vicously pulling back and tearing his throat open mercilessly.

The carcass of his body floats away in the sea.

You turn to Captain Rex, scarlet blood dripping down your chin. He's not scared; but almost proud and relieved as he nods at you. You nod back and quickly help him get to the 79's again, reuniting with your people and organizising the counter-attack.

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Once Palpatine is out of the way, the rest of his forces crumbles easily. In a matter of an hour, the few survivors of the Death Star scramble away in the remaning of their ship. You chuckle darkly. You know it's all for the enjoyment of your people; they'll do a slow hunt over the next couple of days, kill them one by one. Take their own personal revenge.

There's a conmotion up on the 79's. Rex is there, and so is Echo and Ashoka, the last two leaning down on the floor next to... Fives.

"What's wrong?" You quickly voice up from your place on the sea. "Is he okay?"

Captain Rex glances down at you worriedly.

"Blade sunk into his liver. He's loosing a lot of blood very quickly" he turns to look back to Echo and Ashoka. His expression saddens. "I... Don't think he has much time left".

Your heart starts beating out of your chest.

Fives, even gravely injured, lets out a wet laugh and jokes about it.

"I always thought you were a tad dramatic, sir".

Echo snaps at him, still squeezing his hand. You understand the sentiment. Now is not the time.

"Shut the fuck up, Fives".

You know he's scared. Everyone is scared. Echo, Ashoka, Fives, Rex... Even yourself. You've never felt this scared.

"B-bring him down" you whisper, then clear your voice and repeat yourself. "Maybe I can do something to help him".

"What can you do to help him?" Echo laughs, the kind of maniac sounding laugh that comes from a place of pure panic and terror from losing a loved one. "You're what, going to sing a song and magically cure him?"

It would be surprising to know that yes, that's...

"Something like that, yeah" you whisper, lost in your own feelings and thoughts.

You feel some of the other sirens splashing and moving their tails underwater hesitantly, wary. Nervously.

"Sister..." the voice of your friend Kid calls you from somewhere at your back.

You glance back at him. You know what he's going to tell you. You take a deep breath.

"I want to do it" you answer him, and everyone else.

They stay in silence, acepting your decission. It's a sacred thing for your species; for all sirens. The air feels heavy with understanding and expectations.

"Bring him down" you ask again, in the quietness of the night, and Rex gently squeezes Echo's shoulder before putting his faith on you and carefully laying Fives down in the last life-boat.

His brothers slowly lower it down til it softly contacts with the surface of the water and the small boat floats peacefully with the small waves. Two sirens quickly move to take a carefull hold of it so it doesn't drift away.

Fives turns his head to the side to look at you; hovering besides the boat with your claws lightly grassping the wood at the sides of it, head peaking over the water just enough to be able to look at him.

"Hey there, gorgeous" he smiles, and such brightness sends another painful dart to your heart. "Here to give me a goodbye kiss?"

Your own smile is wet with tears. It makes you let out a wet chuckle too. You haven't cried in... So many years.

"You should have thought of this strategy before" you decide to indulge him in his joke.

You know he's scared even if he doesn't want it to show. It males your decision easier; to know he's such a good person he doesn't want to make this more difficult for the people that woud be forced to watch him go.

Even though you feel almost eager for it, the need crawling up your throat, you're still afraid yourself. You've only got one chance for this. What if... It doesn't work?

You feel Kid's hand gently dropping on your shoulder, giving you the strength you need for this. You nod to yourself. The rest of the sirens form a circle around you; as tradition tells. They'll make sure nothing interrupts this sacred moment between you and Fives. Your hands tremble as you carefully place them on top of Fives' stomach wound. He makes a whimpered sound of pain and trembles, scared confused eyes quickly searching yours.

You look at him, soft.

"Trust me" you whisper. "And don't stop looking at me".

Fives doesn't understand what's happening, what's going to happen, but relaxes and nods. He can feel the exhaustion creeping in on him, the tempting feeling to close his eyes and surrender to the darkness. He focuses on you with the last of his strength.

You stop holding yourself back and let your voice sing your Song. You have never practiced it before; it's something that simply can't be, as it's not written before the moment arrives without announcement. It's instinctual, as simple and easy as breathing, and yet sounds so magical to all of those who hear it.

The first notes echoes in the silence of the night. It starts very quiet, almost a hum between your pressed lips, that slowly and unhurriesly turns into a whisper full of longing and melancholy. Fives is a human and you're a siren. It's not going to be easy. You have a feeling he won't care.

The Song fills with some softer, happier notes; lively and changing, more rythmical than the soft melody from before. A tiny smile makes it over to your face.

Fives is still looking at you. He wouldn't have been able to tear his eyes from you even if he tried. You're raw magic; raw beauty. And the sounds leaving your lips... He had never listened to anything so breathtaking in his life. He's hooked up in you.

Your gaze turns soft. You see his wound closing and healing by its self with just the corner of your eyes; and a warming relief spreads through your body, along with something sweet and gentle, painfully raw, longing and understanding. It's love.

The Song reflects those feelings; growing quieter as you keep staring into Fives' soul. You feel the notes slowing, your mind and heart finally wrapping around your feelings, accepting them, making them part of your own; and a last hum leaves your lips before the night is silent again, only interrupted by Fives' heavy breathing. Even if the Song is finished, he keeps looking at you like there's nothing else.

"That was beautiful" he whispers, dizziness still numbing his body and mind even if he's completely healed, now. He'll take some time to adjust. "Thank you".

You smile softly.

This is not your ending, Fives. But you need to...

The sailor squeezes his eyes shut. A painful headache stars at the side of his temple. He can barely concentrate in his surroundings now.

"Rest, Fives" you tell him, and he finally falls into unconsciousness almost instantly.

You glance up, noticing the wowed stares of the crew of the 79'.

"What was that?" Ashoka whispers in wonder.

You make Captain Rex a sign to let him now they can pull the small boat back up. You smile at the girl.

"My Song" you answer, misteriously. You glance at Echo, anxiously curved forward as if in a try to reach Fives quicker. You try to soothe his worries before dipping under the waves. "He'll be okay, just needs some hours of rest. I'll come back tomorrow".

With that, you nod to your pod and you slowly swim away. Your soul tries to tug you back towards him, but you comfort yourself thinking you'll be back to talk with him after some very much needed rest.

Patience.

You feel like a baby Siren again.

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

"Care to explain to me what kind of voodo magic you did to me to turn me from a corpse to my handsome self again?" is what Fives first chirps at you upon seing you arrive the next morning, him waiting patiently for you in the small boat again, this time a bit further away from the 79's.

You smirk and place your folded arms over the border of the boat, resting your right cheek on top of them.

"I already told Ashoka" you answer playfully. "It's my Song".

Fives snorts and carefully pushes himself closer to you. You track the movement, distracted.

"Yeah, your song" he repeats, squinting and tilting his head in questioning. "Echo told me the other Sirens acted as if we were getting married or something".

You laugh freely, Fives smiling unconsciously.

"Well, singing your song to another holds pretty much the same meaning for my people. Your circumstances pushed me to do it way earlier than I would have prefered but... It's okay. You're okay".

Fives eyes turn soft.

"I know you love being all sexy and misterious. But tell me what has really happened, please?" His voice is also gentle and full of warmth.

He should know.

"All Sirens have a special personal Song. It's something instinctual that can't be repeated or prepared; born of raw feelings, desires and needs. It's different to other songs we sing. We don't use our normal vocal cords for this; it comes from somewhere within, deep in your soul. Sirens believe our kind are made of magic and music combined into one, and protected by a physical body shape; that of a predator so it can defend the pureness it holds. This Song... Can only be sung once, to just one other being, and it will create a special bond no-one but the two of them would be able to break. From that day on, this two beings will always be linked to each other, perhaps even able to feel or hear the other; and the Siren won't be able to sing in this kind of way to anyone else, ever again".

You grow quiet; waiting, patient. Expectant. Fives barely blinks.

You're not afraid to him not corresponding your feelings now. If it were that way, your Song wouldn't have worked the night before. A Song can't be an impossed thing; it must be accepted by the other's soul. Fives has subsconciously done that already; if his present mind needs more time to process it, nevertheless, you're willing to give him that.

Fives finally takes a deep breath in, noding in quiet understanding, before showing you his own signature smirk and closing the distances between your faces so that your nose is barely grazing his.

"Well. I think I'm definitively finally winning a kiss" he tempts you, eyes shining with mirth.

Your small laugh is pure unadulterated happiness. With your soul almost vibrating inside your chest, you cup his strong jaw and close the insignificant distance between you.

You kiss him –passionately, then gently– and Fives smiles against your lips.

THE END.

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

I'm sorry this took me ages to write! I got a bit blocked on how I was going to put Fives in danger and I also started with my finals.

I'm aware there are some errors in this but I prioriticed publishing it as soon as possible over having a second read to correct them. Sorry!

I hope you've liked it, dear. Second Mermay fic done, go check Tech's first one on my profile! (It's on: sw masterlist> 2 part of requests > Blue dreams).

Got requests closed cause finals and already a few of them in the line. I'll prob reopen in a month. If you want to you can still send them, just notice I'm not gonna be able to write it anytime soon.

Lots of things to come, stay tunned!

Xx,

Sky.

Back to masterlist here:

[alexanderwales]

Book Review: Metropolitan Man

[content warning: sexual violence]

It's been 10 years since I wrote Metropolitan Man, and last night I read it for the first time in almost that long. Since writing it, I've written over 4 million words, and hopefully, grown as a writer. I've also forgotten parts of the story, so was looking at it with as fresh of eyes as possible. These are my overall thoughts.

I should say, before I start, that I've read tons of comments and discussion on this story over the years. I don't know how many of these thoughts are my own, or how much I've internalized things that people have said.

Writing Style

There were lots of changes I thought about making while reading, but people hate change, and this story is about ten years past when I wanted to be making editing passes on it. In many places I kept thinking of little extras I would add, things that would make the dialogue pop a little more, or provide characterization. I had this idea for a line where I describe Lois typing out two letters like she was letting loose with both barrels of a shotgun. There's dialogue to clean just a bit more, a few places where words are repeated or something is just a bit awkward, and where it could have been tighter or more clear.

The biggest thing that stood out to me was how little time got spent on scene setting and how short some of the snippets were, just five paragraphs to get a scene across before we're onto the next thing. I might have webserial brainrot, but those are definitely places where today I would give a little more breathing room and maybe use the same amount of words to describe something in a more oblique and stronger way. One that stood out as a clear example was a private investigator going home with Jimmy Olsen even though she was done pumping him for information, which could have been twice as long and benefitted from it. Another was a brief little thing about a Superman spotter on the roof, where I'd now describe everything he was doing, and only get to the conclusion of "he was a Superman spotter" at the end of the section to let the reader have this mini mystery of what they're being shown and why.

I would describe things more if I was writing this today, trying to get those nicely tight and evocative descriptions and ditch the stuff like "she wore a white blouse", but I often feel that way about stuff that I'm revising from last week, so it's not surprising.

The plot is very tight, which is good. I tend to prefer my plots tight, but it takes work, and webserials aren't conducive to it because it's difficult to know when you're writing a scene whether it's really pulling its weight as far as moving things forward. The initial idea for MM was to move as cleanly as possible through a series of events: Superman -> Superman is invincible -> Superman is Clark Kent -> Clark Kent grew up in Smallville -> the ship is in Smallville -> the ship has a Kryptonite power source -> Kryptonite can kill Superman -> Superman is dead. The only thing that would make it any faster would be if we dropped the Lois Lane subplot, but that's like half the novel.

Superman is OOC

I've gotten tons and tons of comments on this story over the years. If I hated myself, I would go back through my email and count them up, but there are some death threats and "kill yourself"s in there, and I prefer not to reread them. The major thing that people hate is the ending, which I don't care to talk about, but the other major thing is that Superman isn't Superman.

In this, I largely agree, but then, I'm pretty sure I've always agreed. That said, Superman has had a ton of interpretations over the years, and there's a wide range of acceptable behavior from "a Superman", even if we're not counting the really out there variations like Red Son or some of the alternate timelines.

... but I still would probably make him more like a canon Superman if I had to do it all over.

There are a few things that raise red flags at the beginning, which is where I think they're inexpertly placed. Superman takes Lois off the roof and flies her around, making her very afraid, and this is fine, I think, a misunderstanding that might be stronger if we got his insight into what was happening before we got hers to help bridge some of the disconnect there and characterize them both better. But there's a little note after that, where Clark makes a joke about "Superman's girlfriend Lois Lane" that I think is a HUGE red flag, and which probably comes too early in the story. It would be better as a joke someone else made that Clark laughs along with, which raises the red flag to half mast.

The other major moment I would change is when the bombs start going off. Superman pulls back, unsure whether he's actually immune to mustard gas, and I think this is one of the moments that most goes against the character of Superman. Canon Superman would just say "welp, guess I gotta find out whether I'm immune to mustard gas in a hurry". Superman making the argument that he doesn't know the bounds of his powers and so should exercise caution reads as either cowardice or as him being way too bitten by the rationality bug.

This would then obviously have to change the plot of that section a bit, because in the novel as it stands right now, Superman is convinced by Lois Lane that he can't just sit on the sidelines for game theory reasons. Better to either scrap that section or have Lois convince Superman that for game theory reasons he should offer to have testing carried out against him in a way that doesn't harm civilians, which canon Superman might submit to if it saved lives. Then the rest of the plot can proceed as normal, because Superman is immune to everything and that's the whole plot beat anyway.

I'd definitely clean up some of Superman/Clark's dialogue to nail the character voice better, but I don't think it's that bad, and it's mostly a few places where the wording is off. I think in particular the points where he's feeling anger go too far, and are not how someone internally conflicted about the anger might talk.

And then, oh yeah, Superman punches a guy's head clean off, which I think is the biggest sticking point for most people.

I've thought about that scene a lot. I personally like it. But if I were ever trying to sell this story to DC, it's one of the things I would almost certainly change. Superman doesn't kill, except in that one movie that came out just before this story was published where Superman snapped a guy's neck.

The change I am most happy/comfortable with is that Whitman, the governor whose children were [REDACTED], is the one to kill Calhoun. This happens just outside the courthouse with Superman watching and not intervening in the slightest, or maybe catching the bullets as they go through Calhoun so no bypassers get hit.

I don't know, as I type it out, it doesn't have the same weight to it. It's not cool. It's not a watershed moment. Maybe there's a plot thread to pull there, where Superman has tacitly endorsed other vigilantes, and it would be a great time to pull in other mundane street-level heroes ... but that's an entirely different story at that point.

Another option is for Superman to simply fly off with Calhoun and put him away, but that lacks punch too, and gets talky, and ... it's about the rage, right? The feeling of injustice, not just at Calhoun, but at the entire world, and it's not just an unhappy side effect that there's blood everywhere, all over the clamoring press, that's part of the point.

Social Justice

I really enjoy how wide-ranging the novel is, and how many things it touches on. Good job me. There was a line I had completely forgotten about where Lois asks "Why doesn't Superman stop abortions?" that I had completely forgotten I had ever written, and which brought a big smile to my face (but no wonder some Superman fans hate this story).

There are a few other things that I raise my eyebrow at a little bit, at least sitting here in 2024. There's a particular line that Superman gives when talking about this whitewashed mural of the past they're walking by, and he says "It's easy to forget that slavery ever happened, you know?" Now, I will grant you that this is a part of a conversation where he's saying that maybe he should have been a better student of history, and is saying this as a white guy in 1934, but I wanted him or someone else to tear that statement apart. It never really happens.

"It's easy to forget that slavery ever happened [if you and your people have not been affected by slavery]". The novel takes place ~70 years after the end of the Civil War, which means that when Clark was growing up there would have been freed slaves who were in their fifties, probably many of them in Kansas, though Smallville is (notably) small. I don't know, it wouldn't have been historically accurate for them to have a discussion of privilege, but there's way more meat on that bone, and it's all left as subtext.

Also probably the case that if I were writing it now, I would pay more attention to race in general, but that I'm less sure on, because it would mean some major structural changes to be done well. There's a single black guy in the whole thing, who is barely a character and has no speaking lines: the farmhand Ma Kent has before he gets lured away with the promise of being an actor. I have never felt that any novel needs racial balance to it, but if you're going to be talking about slavery and whether Superman would have done anything about it, you start to make black people look like props, which is not a good look.

I mean look, I think it's fine for a given story to not actually take a stance on political issues or have a diverse cast, but this story goes from abortion to the Equal Rights Amendment to Prohibition to Nazis to the death penalty, and then despite being set in 1934 sort of talks around the subject of how shitty race relations were. As a white guy, I never feel comfortable talking about race, but I think it would have been appropriate to have here in more than the cursory way it was handled. But the cast is just not that large, and the way that modern Superman stories handle that is usually making Jimmy Olsen black and then not actually talking about the fact that he's black so it's just a palette swap, which I don't think would work here, especially since Jimmy is such a bit character, and also it's 1934.

Sexual Violence

Alright, I will say it: there's too much sexual violence.

Chapter 7 is when the two Whitman kids get kidnapped. Their driver gets his throat slit, the boy gets dismembered, and the girl gets raped. I knew it was coming and I was still horrified by it.

I would not remove this part. I would foreshadow it better with a few scenes with Calhoun, the brutes, etc., and I might change some of the details to be a bit less awful and gruesome, but I don't think I would remove it. There are a few core ideas here that I think all work:

The better class of criminal has left the city now, and all that are left are the worst of the worst, the people who will not respond to incentives or symbols or rational thought.

If you cannot strike at Superman's physical self, you strike at his mind instead, and one of the ways to do that is psychic damage. In Calhoun's case, this is irrational, a pure desire to hurt Superman in any way possible while his empire collapses.

The amount of evil in the world is enormous. The pain and suffering cannot be comprehended. I love what Superman says, that this isn't really unique, that these things happen to children all the time. He's upset about not being able to save them, but they're a drop in the bucket.

I think you have to be careful with sexual violence, whether it's depicted or hinted at or just briefly mentioned. There are tons of people who are not on board with that in their media, and even of those who are on board, it has to be handled carefully and can feel very cheap, as though you're just going to the worst and most transgressive thing you can think of for the shock value. People will see it as lazy and trivializing and making entertainment out of this horrible thing.

I think the world is shit. I think terrible things happen. I have always felt both oppressed by the weight of evil in the world and powerless to stop it. I think that's the thing that I'm gesturing at here, and it feels weird to me that sexual violence would get put on a pedestal as the one thing too horrible to mention, even though we're mentioning all the most horrible things.

How do Superman comics and shows and movies deal with this? My impression is that they don't. Surely Superman must be stopping rapes from happening, but I cannot think of a single time I've seen it happen. I'm actually having trouble thinking of a time it was implied to happen. I think this is probably a good idea on the part of the people who make these bits of media, but it's absolutely not realistic if you're thinking about how Superman would operate in the "real world". Sexual violence happens, child abuse happens, and I guess we just sort of assume that these things are dealt with by Superman off-screen.

Though ... I mean it impacts the characters, right? Does Superman not have a trauma response? Does he have a superpower where he can bottle it all up? He's definitely too late to stop certain crimes, and he definitely can't make things better for some of the victims, and I guess in the comics when he shows up to a burning building he generally has a 100% success rate and people come out with only minor injuries, but ... alright, this is definitely the sort of thing that led me to write this fic in the first place.

It's a question that the fic doesn't have an answer for: how do you go on living when you know that there's so much evil in the world?

I think dialing that particular scene back is, maybe, fine. But it's the sort of thing that would feel like I was being less authentic in a way, as though I wanted to grapple with the big questions but not that one, wanted to consider ethics and morality but silo myself away from things that actually are on my mind. I see the point of blunting that scene, and I rebel against it because I don't want to be blunted, I want to be sharp.

I would, however, remove a lot of the earlier references, or blunt those, because they didn't need to be sharp. There are, before the Whitman stuff, about five references to sexual violence, and maybe even just using "sexual violence" would be enough, rather than "rape". One of these references is to what crimes Superman is statistically most likely to stop, another is to a plot to besmirch his name, both can be massaged or they can go.

I don't know if I think about these things differently because time has passed or I've had a bunch of discussions about these issues, or whether it's just having the outside view. It's weird to think about what a conversation with myself would look like, if we were working on the story together.

Retrospective

I understand why Superman fans sometimes hate this story. There's the Superman OOC stuff, sure, but there are also a lot of questions about Superman that apply to canon equally well, and people hate that. Superman is a fantasy, maybe the ultimate comic book fantasy. He stops crimes and bullets bounce off him! You're not supposed to think about his stance on abortion rights. You're not supposed to look at the Clark Kent mask and say 'huh, that's strange'. I mean it's media, you can do whatever the hell you want, but if Superman is a fantasy, then there are a lot of questions that are fantasy-ruining.

I stand by the story as written about 80%, which is higher than I thought it would be, though there are certain things that I stand by more than others. There are certain structural changes and many line-by-line changes, and I'm glad that I didn't have the story open in edit mode, because it would have taken me three times as long to read and when I hit "save changes" people would grumble about archives or bad changes or whatever, because you can't please people.

About five years ago, I started writing A Common Sense Guide to Doing the Most Good, which was meant as a companion piece to MM. It ended up being all mechanics, no plot, and the plot that I wanted it to have was divorced from the center questions it wanted to answer. It didn't feel as grand, I guess, and the cats were out of their bags a little too quickly.

One of the Answers that MM gives is that the thing you should do in the face of overwhelming evil is to grind relentlessly, grind until your bones are scraping the grindstone and there's nothing left of yourself. The story does not believe this answer, but it's one of the places I ended up ten years ago, and am still sort of at now. The other answer is to live as best you can, be aware of the evil and do what you can against it without letting the idea of it (or the battle against it) consume your soul.

When I was finished reading, I kind of wanted to write an uncritical Superman comic. Something where Superman can be as his most loyal fans see him, someone who is Good and doesn't often have to grapple with what Good means, where the thorny edges of moral quandaries never come to light and the hero is always there in the nick of time. Where Clark Kent is a bold and noble expression of humanity rather than a deception and a mask. Maybe I will go do that.

[wolfscarr]

Helluva Boss: Crimson is a pretty terrible ‘antagonist’.

Sorry but I just gotta say, that EP 3 of S2 really did a piss poor job of trying to make Crimson an antagonist.

Yeah fine, he killed his wife and was hitting/threatening Moxxie and forcing him to marry someone when he was already in a marriage.

Ok that’s fine....but when you go through the episode, the whole ‘plot’(I use that term really loosely) completely falls apart when you think about it for two seconds and thus it makes Crimson make look like a 

TOTAL MORON!

Ok so he calls I.M.P. to have the whole crew in Greed, so that Moxxie would show up, so he can marry him off to Chaz because he wants to induct him into the Family because he’s in financial trouble.

Already there’s an issue here.

1. There’s no point in marriage, like Crimson my guy....you’re head of this Mafia Organization right? Just induct Chaz into it, the whole marriage thing is completely pointless. If the writers were going with this Mafia thing and did some research, they would know that marriage isn’t something that’s needed to be inducted into the Organization to get finances. 

2. Crimson...you’re running a Mafia Organization out of the GREED RING and the first thing that you DON’T DO IS FIRST CHECK into Chaz’ finances? You’re just going to take him at this word that he’s loaded, rather than doing research first? This is what makes Crimson a total moron and where this whole episode falls apart. Chaz isn’t even hiding it well, it’s in his fucking car. The marriage even if successful, wouldn’t have done anything and Crimson would have more than likely found out about the debt anyway! 

This isn’t even a Mafia thing, this is just a common sense thing to do.

3. Again...he’s in the Greed Ring, he’s head of this organization, he can clearly seem to reach throughout all of Hell and doesn’t try to find other ways to get money? We don’t even get a passing line that he tried anything else as far as I recall, he just says that he’s in debt and needs Moxxie to marry Chaz.

What kind of head boss of an entire Mafia Organization doesn’t have multiple fingers into multiple pockets for financial revenue? Like jeez Crimson, you can afford all these men, a helicopter and a giant house...among other things probably. So you should be fine money wise if you know what you’re doing, but apparently from the episode your brain is heavier than a bag of hammers.

Moxxie is suppose to be afraid of this guy and yet he doesn’t do this simple thing and comes across as an incompetent Mafia boss, who were suppose to feel is threatening...but he’s not. Made worse by that STUPID DILDO JOKE....

Also they seem to be setting him up to be a recurring antagonist because of Moxxie? But...why? 

Moxxie isn’t the one who lied to you, Moxxie isn’t the one who was broke as fuck. That was all Chaz, so Crimson you being pissed at Moxxie makes no sense and gives no motivation to come back to try and kill him.

Oh but you might be thinking it’s because he “left the Family.”

Yeah see except Crimson stated that Moxxie had been gone ‘a long time’. If Crimson wanted Moxxie killed, he would have had plenty of time in order to do so BEFORE he was in any sort of financial trouble. So what, Crimson just let him go, letting him live his life because.....he somehow knew that he was going to go in financial debt in the future and thus would need his son to marry Chaz?

From what we know, Moxxie has been married to Millie for a year(apparently), that would have been more than enough time to kill his son if he wanted, especially seeing as he knows where he works and from dialogue he could reach Moxxie at any point. 

This only in factoring in his marriage of a year, because who knows how long Moxxie was away from the Family even before meeting and dating Millie.

So clearly Crimson doesn’t even care enough to kill his son.

In fact Crimson is actually being very generous because one doesn’t just leave the Mafia, when you’re in it...you’re in it and if you try to leave? You better be in hiding off out in some nowhere place....or you’re dead. But clearly Moxxie doesn’t do that and he’s an assassin.

So if we’re suppose to take that ending scene of Crimson throwing the knife at the portrait to Moxxie’s head as him returning as an antagonist, there isn’t any point. I mean him being an antagonist in this episode was a real stretch in all honesty because the plot falls apart if you think about it.

===

I didn’t mean to go on this long ranting thing, but I sort of have this low fascination with Mafia types(more specifically like early 20th Century, even more specific from the 20s/30s n 40s) and so to see Crimson being written like this...just really annoys me. 

The only way I could see it as logical of him returning as an antagonist to Moxxie, is to blame his own son for killing his wife. Like Crimson blames Moxxie in a way of

“YOU MADE ME KILL HER MOXXIE!”

To which Moxxie could reply

“I DIDN’T! IT WAS ALL YOU! YOU AND YOUR SELFISH GREED KILLED HER!”

Which would be a little interesting, that Crimson did love his wife, but in the end he couldn’t hold onto his marriage(unlike his son who can) after Moxxie was born and so blames him for it...but the reality of it is, it’s all on him.

But I doubt that’s where the writing is going to go, if indeed Crimson does return.

[transparentlyfallingasleep]

7. How do you choose which POV to write from? (Especially for starbucks)

25. What fic do you wish you got more of a response on?

26. Which of your fics would you call your wildest ride?

39. Share a snippet from a WIP

aw wow! People never ask me questions on here.

let’s see number 7. Honestly I tried to come up with a better answer than this but it’s just the vibe of the thing. The first story was really just a response to “Clint Barton shows up 15 minutes late with Starbucks” insert Troy with the pizza meme that was out in the ether post his absence in Winter Soldier. I decided to try making myself write from Natasha’s perspective after the Clint heaviness in marketplace etc but in the Starbucks sequel I just wanted to imagine/ write down the Robert Downey jr voice in my head reacting to spy kid 3D. And then they all joined in. Clint’s voice is my most comfortable place to be Natasha, Cap, Maria, Jarvis the least but I think that’s because being that fucking competent seems heptapod level alien.

25: I wish people read unfinished business more… it was my first story in the marvel space and my second fanfic ever. And I still kinda like imagining it’s running in the background of the avengers… and it could have too if not for that pesky Joss Whedon. I also I’m proud of my Game of thrones fic. It was an attempt to self sooth and I think it turned out rather well all things considered.

26. I’m not sure I do wild rides I’m definitely not much of a plot writer. I tend to focus on small intimate character moments. Probably because I suck even more at the other stuff, possibly because being a speech pathologist I’m better at getting voices of characters ‘right’ than I am at making things happen. But I am proud at how I salvaged age of ultron for the rewriting in Market Place and how much I was able to reuse, reduce, recycle might be surprising to readers.

39. So my clinic shut down suddenly in September. If you are Australian I will just say this about it. The NDIS and in particular the Government have been making it harder and harder to work as a paediatric disability clinician and hell bent on telling our clients that it’s because we are rorting the system. I didn’t want my clients to loose their therapeutic alliance and a speechie that has known them most of their lives so I started my own sole trading. It’s long hours, crazy stress and I don’t even know if I will be able to afford the audit come 2025 but for now my kiddos are safe and getting therapy. All the govt has managed to do is privatise the old block grant system and lie about choice and control and that’s all I have to say about that. As a result I’ve got no real WIPs but I have this… you can see that I write dialogue first.

If you’ve come to tell me I’ve besmirched my honour, that the castle is in an uproar… I care not. 

Your grace. 

Ser Davos I am no princess. 

The laws of the realm say

So Tyrion Lannister crowns my brother and frees the north for my sister and now I am smothered by titles? I knew I should have killed that-

Id never really thought about it like that Milady. Allow an old man a small courtesy? I accepted my title for services to Stannis Baratheon. Plenty of times I thought better of it but I did it for those who came after me. Lord Gendry well he doesn’t say, quiet sort that he is -

Surly 

As you say, but i think I’m right in saying he had similar thoughts. I don’t think either of us thought that there might be others on the other side of it. Born to the titles and the power and wanting none of it, wanting to be rid of it. 

He is a good lad lady Arya. Give him longer. He can’t stay this angry for long. 

I can’t stay ser Davos

Forgive me but I’ve lived longer on decking than I have on dry land or had till your brother made me hand. The tides they come again. Like circles they are. Why not tarry even if he’s determined to make himself unpleasant. 

He doesn’t have to put effort into that. He’s had it mastered for years. You are married Ser, children? 

Aye My Lady

[harriertail]

start of year book thoughts

Revolutionary Road - the first half meanders a bit to build up to the ending which was... unexpected? I see why this is used in sixth form college english classes because it Says A Lot About SoSighEtTea but it did just feel like a bunch of chapters loosely linked together, April's sudden Part Three episode really came out of nowhere to me (maybe that's the point, but she had POV chapters and then just didnt at all really). Still I enjoyed it, loved the descriptions and writing style. I liked John.

Wise Blood - finally. Oh my god. Hazel Motes you are Insane. I didnt fully get what he was preaching ("i seek the truth and there is no truth?" There is no sin and no redemption? So hes a nihilist? Or smth?) I think he really is a religious man but can't cope in a world full of fake preachers and conmen and things, thus he does all That. fucking loved Enoch tho. What the fuck? The Sabbath stuff was.... questionable but also makes me think Haze probably has PTSD and no sense of who he is anymore and is trying to be someone else (someone mean and cruel) when hes really just an idiot. But where you come from is gone, where you thought you were going to never was there, and where you are is no good unless you can get away from it!

Djibouti - Leonard's dialogue is definitely modern, to the point, reads like someone is speaking. It's not my kind of reading tbh. I'm also sick of how every female protag i seem to read (by men) always has a mention of her body/how sexy/good looking she is randomly, when its not part of the plot, she can't just... be. DNF.

Go to the Widow-maker - gorgeous gorgeous gorgeous writing, what a beautiful tranquil sea, what beautiful wildlife, what a setting! Didn't care for the characters. A life goal of jacking off in a cave is nawt interesting. Oh everyone's cheating on each other? He's insecure about how he compares to other men? How novel. DNF.

Two Sherpas - maybe it was the translation but this was so... pretentious. It feels like he just wanted to write about Flavius and Marullus instead, and write about two sherpas, and combined them into one. I'm liking the characters and the use of "the old Sherpa" and "the young Sherpa" to differentiate them instead of names as it goes with the book, and ties them more to Flavius and Marullus- and some chapters (especially the historical stuff or the sherpas backgrounds) were incredible- but it felt disjointed. Each chapter was super short as well sometimes just a paragraph and it was very jumpy. I can tell what he was trying to do, but it just didn't work. We get it, the loud thundering of the wind over the side of Everest can hardly be considered silence. DNF

TBR; the spectre of alexander wolf, a special kind of providence, when we were two, the power and the glory

[punch-love]

Can I ask how planned out your work for lp is? Like I know u said u have specific things in mind for each pov but are you ever like ohh I wanna add this scene, this scene would be fun? Or do u have like every chap and situations and whose pov per situation in mind where ur not really adding anything unless something calls for it because it would make more sense for it? Or something else entirely lol?

I have the ending planned, the reveal, and a few more "major" plot points that would be spoilers if I shared them. I think I plot similar to the way that you have points on a roadmap. I know what destinations I need to hit, but how I get to them is usually a lot more fluid. I usually write and rewrite the chapters over with different approaches, trying to figure out which one fits the story best. There are chapters that I write with a loose plan in mind that don't deviate too hard in the edit though. It really depends.

My beta also has a huge hand in each chapter - alongside doing the basic edits they also suggest structure reworks (last chapter they moved multiple scenes around), plot direction, and sometimes contribute prose/dialogue of their own that makes me want to move a scene into something else. This chapter, they suggested I move something in the beginning and stretch out another part, which is what I'm working on doing now in the second draft. I imagine it'll stretch and shift into new, unpredictable ways by the time it gets posted. I really don't like posting anything until I hear that near audible "click" in my head where a chapter finally connects to the last and is ready to be connected to the next. It just doesn't always click in the way I imagine it will when I sit down to write.

I would say love-punch is probably my most planned long work. I've spent the most time thinking about it, and it was created specifically because I wanted to write a specific type of reveal and ending that I hadn't really seen anyone else do. That being said, I was on a run yesterday and thought of a plot point that will drastically change the implications of the end that I really want to add. I don't know if I will still want to add it when the chapters get there, but it is constantly evolving and changing despite the path it's on being pretty set in stone.

[darklinaforever]

"For Sylki is obvious: toxic, toxic and they're basically the same person"

Is it crazy how people can be so off base ? I don't know in what aspect Sylki, who actually bring out the best in each other is supposed to be toxic… ?!

This word is used so much today without people seeming to understand the definition, that's when same crazy…

Oh and the delusion of Sylki being the same person, is, I already explained, completely false.

The series and the creators have been very clear on this subject, yet people persist in saying the opposite which annoys me deeply.

Here is my post where I dismantle this idea of ​​Sylki being the same person :

In it there is even passages which roughly explains how Sylki is a good relationship :

Then I forgot to specify it in this post, but as much as Sylvie helps Loki to accept and love himself, the opposite is also true with Sylvie who opens up much more to the fact than her basic identity is that of a Loki when they are both facing death in episode 4 (while wondering what it really means to be a Loki). Essentially, she no longer internally denies this part of herself, without ceasing to be the person that she chose to be : Sylvie.

I would like to understand how this relationship is toxic ?! Once again, I'm tired of seeing people use this term loosely, simply because they don't like a fictional relationship. Is the Sylki relationship complicated ? Yes. Undeniably. But complicated doesn’t mean toxic.

It's like people who insist on saying that the Sylki romance is not the center / driving force of the plot… :

"I just wanna talk about the show without seeing 16379490405 posts about how “uwu he loves him/her so much, he/she is his new glorious purpose 🥹”. Like. That is SO NOT the point of the show, guys."

When it is in fact the case, the series shows it the contrary, and the creators confirm it.

Loki is in love with Sylvie and their romantic relationship is the fucking center / driving force of the plot, confirmed again by the creators themselves. The Sylki romance is the heart of the story, whether you like it or not. (Most of the interviews from season 1 and 2 will confirm this. Even if I am of the opinion that in season 2 they actually put this relationship aside, with the character of Sylvie... Probably because negative reviews about it in recent years)

Also... Sylvie was literally compared to Loki's new glorious purpose in season 1, in a fucking dialogue from episode 5, and yet the antis or the neutrals still make fun of the pro-Sylki for daring to say, that indeed, Sylvie was in some way Loki's new glorious purpose. As if films were being made when it was literally in a dialogue from season 1 ?!

I mean, Loki absolutely wants to return to the TVA, and we spectators know that it is to find Sylvie. (The last thing he did before ending up there, was literally trying to confess his feelings to Sylvie...) Much more than bringing down the Time-Keepers... Like he said later, he would go where she goes.

Even though the other Lokis don't know why our Loki want to return to the TVA so badly, when one of them asks if Loki wants to return in it because he left his glorious purpose there... and Loki replies that is something like that... What do you think that means ?!

Loki's glorious purpose in season 1 was simply Sylvie, whether you like it or not. Damn, once again it’s literally in the dialogue ! What ?! You think Loki just wants to return to the TVA to bring down the Time-Keepers and have his own time stream to control ? When Loki says that in truth he has no idea what he will do and that he and Sylvie could figure it out together ?!

This dialogue on Loki's glorious purpose is even essentially paralleled with the suggestion that Sylvie's only good memory is Loki... Personal questions that they are asked in the same episode to which they respond vaguely and to which only the viewer can understand the answer...

But no, I imagine that all these people who think they are more intelligent think that the only good memory of Sylvie is something off-screen never mentioned, and that Loki's glorious purpose is only to play the hero and become king...

Also, I don't see why I should moderate my comments and clarify that all of this is my interpretation to avoid offending people.

They do not hesitate to assert their opinion as the right one in a condescending and or downright rude manner.

I understand that everyone is free to have their opinion on a fictional story, but after a while, that doesn't mean that every opinion is really valid in the canon story, especially when there is nothing to support it. I'm tired of seeing antis and neutrals shaming people who really understand the story being told and its messages.

Because yes, once again whether you like it or not, Sylki is not the same person, incest / autocest / selfcest. Sylki is a romance, which is the very heart of the story of the series, and yes, in season 1, Sylvie was associated with Loki's glorious purpose. All this, I maintain, are facts, and not fucking interpretation.

And probably the thing that annoys me the most is everyone who dares to put their clearly denigrating opinions in the tag dedicated to Sylki, instead of the anti one. Honestly, don't you have anything else to do ?! Do you think you are mature ? Clever ? You are just pathetic.

[heytheredeann]

20 questions for fic writers

I was tagged by @cha-melodius, thank you! <3<3

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

439! The plan is posting two more tonight so hopefull that will soon be 441 LOL.

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

939,623! Almost a million yay!

3. What fandoms do you write for?

At the moment mostly TMFU, I have been getting into writing Banana Fish fic too, and I write for The Witcher, though less frequently than TMFU.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Stretch (Buck/Eddie+Christopher, 911, 3x02 AU)

Everywhere I'm looking now, I'm surrounded by your embrace (Harvey/Mike, Suits, soulmates AU)

I held your hand as you shook in the middle of the night (Geralt/Jaskier, The Witcher, 1x06 fix-it)

Leave it unspoken (Harvey/Mike, Suits, a serial killer on the loose AU looool I had forgotten about this one)

Concession (Geralt/Jaskier, The Witcher, Geralt likes being the little spoon fic)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Yesssss, I'm like constantly behind and sometimes I answer months late, but I love answering because 1) comments make me so happy and I want the readers who took the time to let me know they enjoyed the fic to KNOW THAT, 2) talking about fics is SO much fun, I think that discussing things in the comments is the best part of posting.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

LOOOOOOOOOOOL filter for MCD on my Ao3 and take your pick. But I'd go with either Forever is the sweetest con (Napoleon/Illya/Gaby, TMFU) because the story is told backwards, so you start with post-MCD and end pre-MCD, so the ending is happy but. well. the happiness is gone already and you know it LOL, or maybe Meaner than my demons, colder than this home (Napoleon/Illya/Gaby, TMFU), purely because generally speaking when I play with MCD I kill just one of them off and leave the other two to pick up the pieces, but here there's just Napoleon left, so. probably worse than the others LOL.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Sooo, I tend to write one-shots, and I HAVE written fluffy fics, but I think I'll go with Something gets lost from a safe distance (Napoleon/Illya, TMFU) because it's part of a three-part series that's all emotional hurt/comfort, and then it ends with fluffy kissing so.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Eh, it has happened, I think it's inevitable if you have been doing this for long enough LOL.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Nope.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

Not usually, I did write a TMFU/Supernatural crossover though LOL.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I’m aware of.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yesss, more than once and it's always extremely flattering that someone would want to go through all that effort <3

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Nope.

14. What’s your all time favorite ship?

Right now I feel particularly strongly about the TMFU OT3 but like. I love so many.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I HAVE MULTIPLE LONGFICS SITTING IN MY DRAFTS DAMMIT. I just never want to post longfics unless I have either a first draft for every chapter or at the very least an extremely detailed outline for every chapter, which means that I end up always posting one-shots LOL. Two notable mentions among these longfics are a "Napoleon gets amnesia and bullshits his way through it to avoid telling anyone because he has trust issues" fic and an AU with Illya as a ghost that's a whole angsty mess. help me.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Eeeeeeeh the emotions I'd say. Or I HOPE so, since that's pretty much 80% of my writing loooool Also there a lot of lines of dialogue that I come up with that I unironically like.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Plots for one, I just tend to write snapshots with no real plot most of the time, and action. I don't LIKE writing it, which means I can never tell if it's boring or if I'm just projecting, and I tend to avoid it. ...also romance/attraction/getting-together. My aroace ass never knows what is believable romance and what are just tv show tropes that are not actually real LOL.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I generally don't do it and keep to the language of the narration, just clarifying "X says in German" if there's a change of language. I write limited third POV, so I just see it as "filtering" everything through the lens of the person that we are seeing the perspective of. If I'm writing from Gaby's POV, for instance (she's German but fluent in English), I feel like TECHNICALLY the narration should be in German, so by writing in English I have already chosen a filter that is not 100% accurate. But that's the filter I'm going with, so English is the language that Gaby is communicating to the reader in, so everything should be communicated through English lens: if she's talking to someone in English, I will just write the lines with no specifications, if she's talking in German I still write in English and write "in German" in the narration, and if someone speaks a language she doesn't know I don't write the actual dialogue because she doesn't understand it, so the reader doesn't get to see it either.

I hope this makes some sort of sense LOOOOOL, I don't really mind any way I've seen this done, but this is how I prefer to go about it.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

The Fallen book series. LOL.

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

Evil question, go directly to jail, do not collect 100$. This answer will absolutely change every five minutes, but right now I'm particularly feeling Souvenir from a life left behind (Napoleon/Illya, TMFU), just a tiny dissolution of UNCLE fic with Napoleon angsting.

.

Tagging: @imgoingtofreakoutnow @ikeepwatchinghelicopters @thetamehistorian @huggiebird @deducitetemporacarmen @set-phasers-to-whump @cherryjuicegf @geralt-of-vengerberg and anyone else who hasn't done this yet and wants to play <3

[u5an5]

New Horizons - Leaving Jacobs' Journal and SCP : Sedition

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.

[START LOG]*

Crime:

Hey everyone! I'm going to try and keep this short and sweet. After trying to remedy production issues with both Jacobs’ journal and SCP - Sedition, I've decided to leave the projects. In part this is due to real life getting in the way, but also because of creative differences I had with the team. I've also left the team as a result, but let me just state before anyone reads into this - I hold no ill will towards Tats TopVideos for what has become an amicable departure.

To cut a long story short, we'd been having trouble keeping up with the demand for Sedition combined with the time and effort it took to animate long episodes for the series. I had come up with several formatting compromises, which would have honestly been an improvement to the overall quality of the show. However, I was informed that the ultimate decision was to return to an Ask SCP format only - just asking SCPs questions and cutting out the plot and character elements that we had begun to explore.

Though they said I could continue writing for the series, I decided that the team didn't need me to write for an Ask SCP format, and that while it may have been good to continue writing scripts, the fact that a lot of the elements I'd helped build into Sedition would no longer be pursued was a bit of a blow. It didn't feel right touching it after this, so I left the project. Left the team and… decided I wouldn't be contributing anymore after SCP-343 part 2's conclusion. Jacobs and McCrimmon will be written out, and Amnesty too will have her plot draw to a close,leaving Watch to do what he does best - interview SCPs.

Don't get me wrong, I- I don't dislike the Ask SCP format, but I had a vision of Sedition that we would no longer be pursuing and that's a fair enough decision on the part of the team. Tats was the other half of that show, she took those scripts and made masterpieces out of them, some of the best moments like the neck snapping scene, that- the clipboard floating in mid-air. All the little physical details she added to Sedition gave that show life. I will wholly appreciate what she did to the end of time, so. Her decision on this show mattered a lot to me, even after this we’re still very close friends.

This is simply a clash of creative interests that came about for very valid reasons. If they feel the best way to continue moving forward is to cut out unnecessary grind, then I wish them all the best for that new direction. I encourage you all to watch it and see how you feel, not based on what I've said, but based on how the new format appeals to you.

In the end, I'm just looking towards the future and where my content will go from here. I have some immediate plans, involving follow-up videos to this one where I explain in detail how events in Jacobs’ Journal and Sedition would have unfolded to both series. Perceived conclusions, or at least until the plot Arc for this Sedition, ran out and we'd probably have gone back to another SCP format anyway, but trust me when I say, it certainly wasn't as soon as it turned out to be. To cover all the plot in Jacobs’ Journal would only take a single episode, but to cover all things in Sedition, it'll definitely be a multi-part series of videos.

There are a lot of loose and even untugged threads to pull. I know a lot of fans are dedicated to digging deep into the goings on of each video, dissecting the actions and dialogue of the characters, particularly those of you who wanted to explore the expanded universe and found yourselves… here. We didn't expect the reaction to Sedition we got in the end, and the massive following we gained from it, which was extremely humbling. So, I didn't want to have you committing yourselves to these stories and characters without knowing the ending, so I hope that by releasing these videos it'll allow that chunk of the fandom some closure, maybe even giving me some of that closure too.

Ultimately, I want to try and bring my original content to the channel; stuff that isn't tied to another fan base, like SCP. This may also upset a few of you who are specifically subscribed to me for that SCP content, but I feel it is best for me to move away from it, so I'm not… typecast or tied down to one genre or thing. I have a few projects I'd be happy to share - books, games, graphic novels I have in the works and any other content I'll suggest later. But please, feel free to leave your suggestions of where you'd like to see me go from here, and I'll see what works best for me.

Thank you so much to everyone who was stuck by me through Sedition, and I hope that you'll continue to do so once my contributions have concluded. I hope my original content will manage to excite and entice you as everything I've done so far.

But until next time, stay safe and keep your creative passions burning.

[END LOG]

*This is an attempt at transcribing video linked in title. I am NOT the aurhor of the chanel and I did NOT participate in creation of SCP: Sedition or Jacobs' Journal series in any way.

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[tellthemeerkatsitsfine]

Listened to the musical Psister Psycho today, a thing I’d known for ages existed as a weird bit of that 00s Britcom history that is my period of interest, but it had never been filmed or anything, and it didn’t occur to me until this weekend to check if, for example, a full audio recording might be available on SoundCloud.

I’d read the description before – that it was written by the comedian Danielle Ward that this musician she worked with named Martin White, it starred the sort of various people whose careers tended to overlap with Danielle Ward (Anna & Katy, Margaret Cabourn-Smith), it was a musical about a robotic killer lesbian nun performed at the Edinburgh Festival in 2007. So I had an idea in my head of what sort of thing it probably was. Probably very silly and with not a lot of actual structure, just an excuse to have an hilariously over-the-top character do wacky things and sing wacky songs. I had a feeling that something like that might be hard to follow in an audio-only recording, be mostly about the chaos created in the room. But I listened to it anyway.

The biggest thing that surprised me, when I actually listened to the audio, was that it had a plot. I mean, not an incredibly intricate plot. But it was a plot, with enough structure and clear-cut separate characters to be fairly easy to follow on audio alone. It stands up even without being able to see the wackiness, because I found myself genuinely invested in the journey they took us on through dialogue and lyrics. I came out of it thinking… they shouldn’t really advertise the “killer robotic lesbian nun” thing, because we don’t actually find out all those things until the plot has moved along a bit, and that’s kind of a spoiler. I was surprised to learn that this musical had enough of a plot to have aspects that I’d consider a spoiler.

I was prompted to look this up by the release of Daddy Issues, Danielle Ward’s sitcom that just came out, and I said about that one that I didn’t love everything about it, but thought it was good overall, and my favourite parts of it were the parts that felt most specifically like Danielle Ward’s style. One of the clearest examples of that, I thought, was having one of those “comedically violent sitcom characters”, but instead of just comedically carrying two many knives or whatever, she’s in prison for trying to have her fiancé murdered. That feels like a very Danielle Ward thing to do, to really commit to the violence.

This musical sure does back up my view on that. Danielle Ward plays the titular killer robotic nun herself, and a running joke I found very funny was that they’d keep making it look like they were going to offer a deeper explanation or mitigation or even redemption of her violent tendencies – but no, every time they pull back and say she just really wants to kill everyone. Because she likes killing. And sort of because she’s a robot, but mainly she likes violence. I love how much of Danielle Ward’s comedy revolves around finding violence funny.

But anyway, I found the script very funny compared to the loose shambolic thing I’d been kind of expecting. There were really good jokes in there. Characters I could keep track of. Margaret Cabourn-Smith playing the naïve innocent role opposite Danielle Ward’s violent streak in a way that I found amusingly reminiscent of the personas they fell into in Do the Right Thing, though obviously with fewer robots in the latter. That was enormous fun to listen to.

I also listened to Gutted, a musical they did a few years later, also written by Danielle Ward with music by Martin White, and featuring a lot of the same cast, though this one had Isy Suttie as the main character. Isy Suttie got to be wildly, incredibly violent in this one, committing a whole bunch of murders while being egged on by that sketch group that Thom Tuck used to be in with Humphrey Kerr and Danielle Ward’s husband. This also starred Michael Legge as vicar with some incredibly funny lines, at least a couple of which sounded so much like Michael Legge’s humour that I think they must have let him write and/or ad lib some.

This one was slightly harder to follow on audio-only, I think because it was bigger than the earlier musical, with more characters and probably more going on set-wise, I definitely missed some stuff. But I got the idea, which is that Isy Suttie wants to kill people. I mean, obviously the real meaning of the play is still that Daneille Ward wants to kill people, and she got her friends to act it out. I managed to follow the plot just enough, throughout the musical, to get what was going on in the ending, and I found the ending very funny. Also, there were a bunch of genuinely good songs in there, which I say as someone who’s not usually into musicals.

Well that was a lot of fun, I’m so glad I happened upon those SoundCloud links. And I really wish Danielle Ward were still doing stand-up, or at least had filmed more than one special before she stopped. I might have to re-watch Seventeen now.

[zeldaelmo]

Oh, hey.

I know you outline, do you write sequentially from the outline, or do you write what ever scene you have bouncing around in your head at the time?

Hey! Thank you so much for your ask and sorry for the belated answer, I had a busy weekend.

Yes, I outline. I do it mostly for longer fics and I (very!) roughly use the structure of save the cat writes a novel, explained here.

Most of the beats are wild thoughts about what I think should happen. It can be detailed and concrete or it's just a one liner that I need to fill with plot later. Here's part of the outline for the first chapter of the advent calendar fic:

Usually, the outline gets messier with each chapter/beat. In one of the later chapters, the entry is "Link stands at her door'. 😆 I obviously know what should happen in that scene, but I have no concrete plan of what exactly I want. That's just something I'm going to explore when the story grows. Maybe I developed a pattern of small gestures between them that I want to repeat or I have loose ends that can perfectly be tied up with this scene. I'm not there yet, I can't tell!

That brings me to the questions you initially asked. Yes, I mostly write in order. When I say I have finished 8/24 chapters, then that means I have chapters 1-8 written.

As probably every writer does, I also suffer from scenes and dialogue snippets I daydream about. Those are, very helpfully, never for the next paragraph I want to write but for something further down the line.

If it's not just general daydreaming but I have the feeling I'll never get it this right again, I jot some lines down and either put them into the outline or at the end of my chapter from where I copy-paste them from chapter to chapter.

Most of the time, I can only use 30% of it because the fic has changed so much that the scene doesn't happen how I imagined. But that's fine! Sometimes writing it down helps to make room for the things that are due now.

So, writing out of order doesn't work too well for me because I would end up having to severely edit everything twice over to make the story work. And as much as I like editing, that's too much cutting away good work. :)

[thecloudstan]

Re-reading NTYC for the billionth time, and it just occurred to me that we don't get to the see Turks a lot. They're sprinkled here and there, but can we expect to see them more as the story progress? I love to see more interactions with Cloud and the Turks! (P.S. Is NTYC!Rufus the type to make flirty remarks to NTYC!Cloud in front of the Turks?)

NTYC was always going to be a hyper-focused story about Cloud and Rufus' blossoming romance, so to speak. Everyone else, while fun to write, is still meant to exist in their orbit as the telling of the romance and background plot require. There's definitely a lot more of them to feature (like very specific scenes, dialogue, etc.), so no worries there. I just don't want to give a false pretense about the nature of the story. Despite the corporate intrigue, it's very much meant to be a sort of slow drum beat toward the zenith of their relationship (without giving much away).

I absolutely love the Turks, and despite the previous paragraph, I have very specific...uh, let's say arcs, that I really have only just begun to apply to more than one of them. This is a bit of spoiler probably (so skip to the next paragraph if you don't want to know it), but I do plan to POV switch at some point, which necessitates more Turk inclusion.

There are also other characters I'll introduce, but I don't want it to feel too contrived, so their appearances will happen as organically as possible, and some I haven't quite worked out yet. This is kind of a funny fic, because I loosely plot out chapters chronologically, and also have a sloppy outline of major points to touch on. The ending is the most clear part.

AND. On top of all that, I don't want to lose sight of the fact that this fic is just fun and cathartic for me to write. I like to play with the push and pull between Cloud and Rufus, I like to write the "boring" bits of Cloud's life, and I like to world-build Edge. So I'm not in a hurry with it, and it's really...not even that close to being finished, if I'm being honest. I'm sorry if this is confusing and worrisome, I promise not to abandon or orphan this fic before it's complete. It's important to me and I want to make sure the characters ring true and that I don't accidentally step on the fic's own canon by being lazy or inattentive.

As for Rufus being flirty in front of the Turks...I really do think NTYC!Rufus understands Cloud's reticence and respects his boundaries and desire for privacy to a degree. Does he interpret these things like a normal person? No, he's still a bit of a control freak and a recovering megalomaniac, but perhaps even he has a line he would prefer not be crossed. I don't think he has any qualms about the Turks knowing the nature of his relationship with Cloud, but he's not going to crassly flaunt it, either. I think he might find it a little undignified. Rufus will show off and be extra to regale the masses (read: idiots), but the Turks? He's not really trying to impress them. They're not going to be scandalized by Rufus' antics. I think the Rufus in this story has matured a bit and reacts with some mixture of propriety and a desire for the most beneficial outcome.

Thanks for reading!!! It's so crazy to me that this fic has repeat readers...it never fails to warm my heart! (*/ω＼*)