#probably because i finish writing these at 3 AM

[fir-fireweed]

wow… i’m speechless. however, this story made me reflect on how important words are—how beautiful it is that we can articulate our thoughts and feelings in ways that feel true to ourselves. so here i am, rambling and trying to express how i’m feeling to the best of my abilities, even through the muddle of my emotions.

the ability to speak, read, and write—it’s something millions, even billions of people take for granted. viatica made me realize how crucial it is to never let anyone silence us, and how meaningful the simple act of speaking truly is. i’m literally crying as i write this, with the music from the epilogue playing in the background, making me doubly emotional, so apologies if i don’t make sense or repeat myself. ><

but as i was saying, i genuinely believe this story should be read by everyone. its message is just too important to ignore. and don’t even get me started on the characters and the breathtaking love that filled every page. the number of times my heart swelled with love for them—or broke for them in various moments—is more than i can count.

i know this story will stay with me for a very long time. i know i’ll come back to it often, and each time, i’ll feel like i’m being embraced by loving, welcoming arms while simultaneously being doused with the ice-cold realization that i should never take my voice for granted. the ability to freely express yourself—through speech, clothing, writing, drawing, or any other medium—is something that will always be worth fighting for, no matter the odds.

i’m probably going to cry every time i finish reading this book, ngl. TT

thank you so much for sharing this story with the world, author. it’s truly a treasure, and i’m so grateful i came across it. i’ll cherish it and keep it close to my heart always.

i wish you all the best, author. you’ve earned yourself a lifelong supporter here. :)) <3

p.s. robin’s scene was everything i hoped for and more. there’s a special spot in my heart reserved just for them.

I’ve been sitting on this ask for a couple days because I’ve cried every time I’ve pulled it up and tried to respond. I started on this venture to fulfill my own need to write and do something for myself, outside of family and work and adulting. To have such a response to my story is humbling and truly touching.

I honestly have no words to describe how much I appreciate this. Thank you, fanny. THANK YOU for telling me this. ❤️

[claraxbarton]

2024 (hrpf writing) in Review

So, looking back on 2024 and the things I wrote, I just wanted to take a moment to be kind to myself I guess and shout-out my 10 favorite fics I wrote this last year.

The list also has a few of my thoughts about the fics, just because like, I want to.

All below the cut - but first! Thank you so so so SO much to everyone who took the time to leave a comment on any of my fics. I can't say enough how much it means to know folx are out there reading and thinking and feeling about my words.

In no particular order, my favorite 10 fics I either started or finished in 2024:

Gold Rush MattDrai, E, 47k. The fic where Leon is very grumpy and very bitchy and very dumb, and also outed against his will and also against his will falls for Matthew Tkachuk. This took more research than I anticipated, because for some reason I am SO fixated on trying to make my fake things fit into canonical timelines. I think I did a good job developing Leon's voice - both in dialogue and internally. It's so difficult for me to write text message things and yet this fic is SO MUCH OF THAT. I think one of my all time favorite comments was on this fic, someone saying that they actually confused my Leon-press dialogue with real Leon-press and that... made me so happy.

Playing Favorites LarsDunn, E, 15k. Adam has a favorite camboy and then that camboy turns out to be a real person who gets a real job with the Kraken. (oh wow, this fic is like the NY Rangers worst nightmare, eh??) Anyway. Probably my first longer hrpf fic??? Technically started in December of 23, I feel so bad that it took 8 months to finish. Thanks everyone who stuck with that one. This fic let me indulge in my favorite thing - previous Adam/Leon, which will always be so so so close to my heart. I think this fic, like most Kraken centric fic (and like not even mine, how many of us get all heart eyes when we think about her?, was written because of the amazing support of @dwisp.

Each Night MattPoMo, E, 3k. Technically I'm listed the entire series, currently at 3 parts and currently the third is still a WIP. Matthew as a sex worker, Paul still comes to Florida to coach the Panthers. I'm enjoying getting to have Paul work through human feelings, Matthew being a brat, and, of course, all the miscommunication. Seriously am I capable of writing a fic that DOESN'T involve miscommunication? Unlikely.

As It Began WyJoMiro (and WyJoRoope in the series and of course WyJoMiroRoope), 4, 2.5k. Okay, of the 4 fics I'm listing, three involve sexwork. Huh. Moving along. Miro mistakes/assumes Wyatt is a sex worker and that, of course, leads to a four year relationship between Wyatt and Miro and Roope (yes again this is really listing the series and not just the one fic). Really enjoyed getting to write the different POVs with each installation, exploring how all three of these freaks evolve and, oh wow, MORE miscommunication??? In MY fic??

Say Yes (To Heaven)NateJo, E, 55k+ - the first WIP to make the list (which, for those of you wondering, WILL get updated this next week). Okay it's been five months of writing this one, a biological BDSM inspired by the amazing and foundational works of @angry-geno-is-score and @droumack. There's just something about Jo and Nate that is SO compelling, no matter the setting, but like, getting to play in this kind of world setting is fun and painful. I think the things I've enjoyed the most are bringing in outside perspectives - like Sid, and even Nate to an extent, and just trying to unwrap all of the mess.

Heavy Focus McMattDrai, M, 2.7k. Space-opera with space brats Matthew and Brady. This was silly and fun and like, I won't say it's the BEST thing I wrote in 2024, but it WAS one of the fics I had the most fun writing. And I know I skew angst like, maybe TOO hard, but, sometimes it IS fun to write the fun things.

Soft Rock WyJoRoope, RoopeMiro, E, 5.6k. Speaking of fun4fun. This WAS just silly. I'm so lucky that @coffeehound91 lets me shout about things, and we'd been shouting about a LuckyNumberSlevin WyJo thing and she had the great line about WyJo killing Bettman with a butterknife and well, it just unspooled into this fic. And like, let's be real, ALL of my fics that feature Wyatt, Roope and Miro in any combination are entirely the fault of CH and like, I am SO so grateful.

French Exit MattOthers, T, 5k. Another bio-BDSM fic. Another series. I just really love to write BratKing Matthew who is actually a total pushover and this series was really fun to write, because who doesn't want to write feral Panthers things and Matthew finding peace and success there lol.

Deep End NateJo, E, 3k. An a/b/o fic and it is... I still maintain, really, really filthy. I don't think I've ever written something that makes me yikes myself as much as this one does, so it's not a favorite for like, reasons that make sense. But still, this was a sharp turn for my usual and I did it. So. Good job me?

Greatest Hits LarsDunn, LarsLeon, DunnLeon, E, 1.7k. Okay, actually, why have I not further explored these three? I know I wrote several fics when them when I first started in hrpf at the end of '23, but I have move away from them and I just really think THIS fic was so much fun and the dynamics to explore between these three are... a lot.

OKAY that's my 10 favorite fics I wrote for 2024. Again, comments and the kudos and bookmarks mean so much. AND the asks!! Thanks to everyone who sends in asks -UTD anon and others, looking at you <3.

For 2025 I want to finish up the current 14?15? WIPs I've got going, and of course along the way write a lot more.

<3

(seems wild to solicit feedback but like, if you have opinions on my 2024 work I certainly won't NOT want to hear them. Or read them.)

[jealousraisin]

Ch 8 - This Weekend

Previous Chapter - Next Chapter - Masterlist

“Come on we’re going to be late” You pester Vanessa who currently has all her makeup and hair supplies sprawled on your bathroom sink.

“Girl’s gotta take her time to look pretty” She idly replies, applying her lipstick with calm precision. “Okay, there. Done. How do I look?” Turning to face you, she strikes a pose.

“Hot, now can we go?” The ride-share you ordered is rounding the corner as you check the map.

She doesn’t reply to you, instead heads towards the door with an exaggerated swing of her hips, just to piss you off even more.

“You’re annoying you know that?” You say as you bite back a smile.

“Annoying, gorgeous and someone you can’t get rid of. You know you love me”

“Whatever” The smile breaks through as you speak.

The short ride to Luke’s place was spent with Vanessa fixing up the small little details you missed while getting ready, for whatever reason she’s quite insistent on it tonight. The car finally rounds the corner to Luke and Charlie’s place.

“This is where he lives? Are you kidding me” Vanessa is practically pressed up to the glass. The poor driver is going to have to clean that…

“It’s nice, isn’t it?”

“NICE? Are you kidding? Ocean-front, Modern? In California? This is more than nice” her architecture nerd slips out, that’s the Vanessa you know from college.

You thank the driver as the two of you get out. You hear the muffled sound of music inside, there are some people on the front lawn having drinks and conversation. Vanessa takes lead, not even bothering to ring the doorbell; like anyone would hear or answer it anyway. Inside, the familiar home is now filled with people, the smell of alcohol and weed. Vanessa takes your hand, not wanting to lose you to the crowd. She easily weaves through the crowd as she looks for the source of drinks or a familiar face; whichever comes first.

“Over here!” You hear off to the side. You scan the crowd and spot Nicole waving you over. You attempt to weave through the crowd just as ‘Ness did earlier but it was obvious she was more skilled at it than you. Squeezing past the last line of people, you are met with some familiar faces, and some new.

“Hey! Glad you could make it!” Nicole greets the two of you with a drink in each hand, she lifts them up in offering. Your eyes quickly glaze over the group of people Nicole is with, Cassie and Mel are both there; Luke isn’t. Vanessa quickly introduces herself and starts making the rounds with everyone. Nicole slides over to your side and quietly remarks “If you’re looking, he’s near the pool with the others”

“Wha-Who said I was looking? For who?”

“Oh come on don’t be coy here, you know who” She’s playfully nudging you with her elbow. She points in the general direction. “Go on!” Nicole cheers you on, you decide to take her word for it and head that way.

Dodging another group of people, you spot him before he spots you. He’s with some people you don’t know; six others. He seems to be in familiar conversation with a redhead guy. You’re debating whether or not to get in there, hesitation creeping up on you. As you’re mentally debating, Luke looks up and notices you, he waves you over; now you have to go over there. You wave back and enter the circle of people.

“You came!”

“What like I wasn’t supposed to? You made sure I would just this morning” You joke.

“Yeah, fair enough” He laughs.

“You gonna introduce us?” The redhead interrupts, smiling at you as he gives you a once-over.

“Oh right! Let me make the rounds�� Luke introduces them one by one. You learn the mint haired girl is Sierra, the one with micro bangs and curls is Frenchy, the two quiet ones chatting amongst themselves are Honey and Kim, the guy in the beanie is Quint and the redhead Luke was just chatting with is Jay. You honestly don’t know if you’ll be able remember them all but still nod along. Jay stands next to you; he leans on your shoulder.

“Luke and I go way back, he stayed at my place when he did his exchange year in Australia back in what you guys call middle school, year 8 for us.”

You raise your eyebrows at that, he never mentioned living in Australia for a year.

“Yeah, we used to get up to some shit, I taught him everything I know.” Jay smiles fondly.

“Ha! If making bongs with a Gatorade bottle and hose was ever considered a sparkling education” Luke jokes back. “I recall teaching you some things as well, it wasn’t all take!”

“Ah but we can’t talk about that now can we!” That comment left you curious, but it seems neither of them wanted to divulge any details on that.

The rest of the group joined into the conversation bit by bit. You found yourself striking up easy conversation with Sierra, who was telling you all about how she manages the groups stream schedule and special events. She seems to like what she does. As the sun sets, Luke’s American friend group and Vanessa meld into conversation with the Australian Squadron. Quite a crowd.

“I’m going to go get another drink” you say to no one in particular.

“Oh! I’ll come with!” It’s Jay, he seems to be sticking around you. You don’t reply, instead start heading off in the direction of the coolers

“So…” He’s leaning against the wall as you rummage through the selection of drinks, trying to find something you like. “Did you come here with someone?”

“Hm? Oh yeah, my friend Vanessa over there.” you jerk your head in the direction of where you last saw her.

“Ah so not with someone?” He asks, noticing you’re still rummaging for a drink. “Here, let me mix you something instead. It going to be a million times better than whatever you’re going to find in there”

Giving up on your quest for anything you like in the cooler you get up and let him make you something. He walks over to the table with drinks and cups set up and gets to work expertly mixing various spirits together. The result is a gradient drink with a slice of fruit floating on the top.

“A pretty drink for a pretty person such as yourself” he says with a smile. You shy away at the comment, not expecting it in the slightest.

“Heh, Thanks?” You take a tentative sip, it’s good. “Mm! This is better than what I was going to choose.”

“You’re talking to the drink expert after all” Jay puffs up at the complement. “So…no partner here with you tonight or no partner at all?” He tries asking in a more direct manner, leaning an arm against the table. Feeling a little bit under the microscope you answer him nonetheless.

“No partner.” You keep your response short.

“I find that hard to believe! So, you’re saying I have a shot?”

“Haha uh...” You’re really shying away from the attention he’s giving you right now. “That’s-Umm” Struggling to find what to say next, gee the ground looks awfully interesting right now.

“Don’t get shy on me now” Jay teases as he swings an arm around your shoulder. “I’d be an idiot to not shoot my shot with someone like you, I mean look at you!”

Your introverted side is not used to this kind of attention, you’re trying your best to come up with a way to let him down gently “I mean, I’m flattered and all but- “

“They’re not interested Jay, back off.” You hear Lukes’s voice.

“Yeesh, Y’know you could have let them say it themselves” Jay says dejectedly, removing his arm from around your shoulders in faux surrender. He heads back in the direction of the group, shaking his head; you miss the teasing smile he shoots Luke as he passes by.

“Sorry about him, he’s a bit relentless sometimes”

“Haha it’s fine, just not used to that kind of attention -or rather- wasn’t expecting it!” You take another sip of the drink Jay made you to break up the feeling in your chest, you laugh awkwardly.

“Come on” Luke gently takes your hand, “We should head back there, you’ve been gone for a hot minute; Nicole was asking about you.”

“Oh, right…”

He notices your hesitation. “It’s fine. If it’ll make you feel better, I won’t leave your side for tonight. Jay’s harmless, but he can be a bit much.” You nod in agreement, letting him lead you back to where everyone was.

And he didn’t lie, Luke was stuck by your side like glue for the night. Where you went, he went. Vanessa and Nicole noticed, oh they absolutely noticed and were whispering to each other like there was no tomorrow. You were too busy letting out your social side, the drinks you had were loosening you up as you hoped they would. A while passes like this, you talked with Cassie about his tattoo work and everyone was very enthusiastically showing you the work he did on them, Luke seemed to be a frequent customer of his. As you were talking about your college days with a couple of people, a particular song started playing that had you widening your eyes in excitement ‘Man! Did this bring you back!’ You drum your fingers against your thigh to the beat.

“You look like you wanna dance” Luke teases.

“Pshh-what? No…”

Before this little back and forth can continue though, Vanessa is taking you towards the crowd of dancing people; moving you and her about just like she did in your college days. “COME ON! You know you wanted to!!” She was right, you did. The two of you jumped about and did the “routine” you worked out over the years to the song, which was really just some uncoordinated dance moves mushed together. But hey, who was keeping track of that? As the song ends you take a second to catch your breath, you really don’t move like that often and adulthood really takes a toll on your physical capability. As you’re about to tap out though, another song starts up that really brings you back.

“Man, this playlist is good!” You offhandedly remark. Vanessa was still up and at it, her energy knows no bounds and you see her being swept away by another dance partner for this song.

“Thanks, I made it.”

You think you just about gave yourself a heart attack. You turn around to find Luke right behind you.

“Care to have this dance, your majesty?” He extends his hand to you, as if he were addressing someone of the royal court. You snort at the bit.

“Why yes, I do” Putting your hand in his, you start to dance with him. The moonlight and scattered fairy lights illuminate the two of you, Luke’s face is wearing an unabashed smile and you can’t help but smile just as big as the two of you move however you feel. The song feels like it goes on forever and it’s just him and you in this moment, you wish it could have lasted longer. But as the song fades out, so do your dance moves. He’s looking straight at you, neither of you making a move to get off the dancefloor just yet. He looks like he has something to say but as quickly he opens his mouth to say anything he’s closing it just as fast.

“What?” you smile, a little out of breath.

“Nothing” He grins right back at you, leading you away from the dancing crowd.

“Hey! If it isn’t the dancer duo!” Nicole welcomes the two of you back to the group, “You made it back just in time, we were about to light the bonfire on the beach!”

“Sweet! Would have sucked if we missed out on that” Luke strikes you as the kind of guy to keep a fire going at a party, so it’s no surprise he’s excited about this. Nicole takes your hand as she leads you through the back fence gate to the beach of the property. Sitting down on one of the available seats you watch as Luke, Jay and Quint get busy lighting the fire. Nicole and her girlfriend sit down next to you, the three of you watch as the guys work at the flames.

“What do you think of him?” Nicole points to Luke with a nod of her head.

“Think of him? He’s a good friend? What, am I not meant to?” Frankly, you’re a little confused about her question.

“Oh my god, Vanessa was right…” Nicole put her head in her hands, her girlfriend Teresa was patting her back in sympathy.

“Luke’s a good guy. He’s helped us through some tough times.” Teresa is looking towards Luke as she speaks, “Give him a chance, he may not be the most direct guy, but he means well.”

Yeah, that really clears it up. Aren’t you already giving him a chance? You guys are already friends?

“What Teresa means is- “

“Okay you two. Move over, I wanna sit here.” Luke cuts Nicole off before she can finish. She gives him a look that says she really wants to ignore his interruption and finish her sentence but she relents. You look at Luke in your peripheral vision as he sits down, he almost looks embarrassed. Huh.

“My friends mean well; They also love to stick their noses in my business” He’s sending a ‘not quite mad’ glare their way as Nicole and Teresa sit a couple of seats down from the two of you. Teresa sticks her tongue out at him in childish retaliation.

“I know what that’s like, I have one of those of my own.” You relate.

You spend the rest of the night in front of the bonfire, talking with everyone about a variety of topics. The ocean air bites at you, the outfit you chose being on the fresher side since it’s summer, the bonfire does little to shield you from the cold gusts that come. You feel something wrap themselves around your shoulders, you notice Luke has given you his jacket.

“S’cold, don’t get sick…”

You feel the leather as you pull it closer to your body, feeling relief from the wind. You lean on his shoulder.

“Thanks”

You hear him mutter something, but with the conversation flittering about and the sound of the waves crashing down you don’t quite hear him. You tune into other’s conversations, only really half listening as all the drinks you had settle into you manifesting as exhaustion. You fight the feeling, knowing that you’re still very much in a social situation, but the warmth of the jacket and the fire along with the sounds of the ocean are a recipe for sleep. Luke notices this and nudges you.

“Hey, come on let’s not fall asleep here.”

“Hm?”

Luke gets up and offers his hand to you. You gladly take it as he pulls you up onto your feet. He doesn’t say a word as he leads you away from the bonfire, through his backyard and back inside the house, where he guides you up the stairs to his bedroom. There aren’t too many people left at this time of the night, which you’re grateful for since you doubt you could navigate a crowd in this state. Luke leads you into his room, shutting the door behind him.

“Here” He’s throwing something your way, with your drunk reflexes you manage to half-catch it last second, with your face. Pulling the object off of your face you realise it’s a shirt. You stare at it, a little confused.

“I doubt you’d want to fall asleep in that outfit, use my bathroom. Get changed.” You heed his instruction and hobble over into the room. Getting out of your current outfit was a bit of a challenge but you seem to manage it efficiently enough. Stepping out donning a much more comfortable outfit you find that Luke has also changed into sleepwear. Noticing you’ve made it out, he’s lifting the blanket on his bed and slipping in, you follow his actions.

“G’night” You mumble out, rest coming easily in this very moment. You feel arms around you just as you slip into sleep.

“Goodnight”

[quinn-pop]

let’s do some autistic meta knight headcanons!! over explaining my interpretation of meta knight yet again wooooo

this orb has NO idea how to talk to people!!! outside of work anyway. a lot of this is partially due to upbringing (suppressing his emotions all the time) but he does not know how to express emotions, like…at all.

this goes into a few things

1. yeah talking is hard. even after figuring out what he wants to communicate he will struggle. conversation can be so overwhelming, especially under pressure. he will need time lol

2. because of that, forming connections is hard. i really don’t think meta is much for shallow relationships, and certainly not early in the timeline. which also means he has very little experience with friendship. so a lot of the relationships he did have went kinda neglected, and issues that probably could’ve been worked on by talking became…*cough romk* escalated.

3. honestly i wouldn’t be surprised if meta convinced himself he couldn’t feel emotion (anymore) until like. katam-ish. he tried very hard lol

vulnerability is terrifying. (though this gesture here is also just comforting, like his little cape cocoon thing he does.)

unmasking—yeah im taking the mask thing very literally here—is a big deal and a very slow process for mk. i’m sure he has a lot of feelings on that lol. it served as a way to ensure no one could ever, y’know, see him.

i can’t say i think he’d ever fully ditch it—there’s always gonna be some days that are more stressful than others and if having it could help him get through it, it just makes sense. mainly when working.

it really is about vulnerability. granted, i don’t think he has the most expressive face (in my head every astral just tends to stare at things) but i doubt he has much control over it. can’t fake a smile but also can’t hide it. probably blushes easy because yeah, astrals; just look at kirby’s face.

just the idea that someone might be able to read his expression and know what he’s feeling before he’s ready for them to (or even understands it himself…) yeah he doesn’t want that

but emotional turmoil aside, i think his mask also hides a lot of his stims

remember that whole “suppressing your feelings” thing? yeah turns out that ignoring half your instincts isn’t a good idea. so in true meta knight style, he tries to stim as subtly as possible

1. he has the least control over his wings, so they will flick and twitch on their own. they’re usually a good indicator of how he’s feeling, not unlike the body language usually seen in cat ears and tails lol. flapping is also an extension of this of course, though he probably suppresses it more.

2. this also effects when he takes his wings out. pretty much every time he’s excited or nervous it just happens. kinda makes me wonder if his wing cape ordeal might also go into the suppression thing… (i’d say yes, but using a cape is also very comforting so it’s not necessarily a bad thing)

3. going back to the mask thing; he stims a lot underneath it. think like biting or pursing your lips. he bites his tongue and clicks his mouth. that sort of thing. his mask also makes it harder to notice that he is constantly sighing, humming, grumbling…all that

one nice thing about the mask though is that it helps a little bit with lights!!! woo

(look at him and his magically floating glasses)

sensory stuff—i think he’s mostly bothered by light and sound. maybe a bit of texture. he’s pretty sensory avoidant and perfectly happy standing off to the side not touching anything.

the one exception to this is physical affection, which is, despite all of this, most of how he shows affection. it’s a lot easier to hug someone than to try to explain your feelings for them, after all.

i think he would like pressure though. so that’s probably part of it. and i’m pretty sure there’s some connection in here to fighting (dang, is that the only way he knows how to get his energy out?)

anyway, pretty much all of this is in contrast to kirby, who i would gladly nominate as the champion of Doing Whatever He Wants. he might pick up a few bad habits, but he will never mask the way meta knight does. he might not understand how he feels, but he’s in tune enough to express it…usually.

this is a very good thing for meta because it helps him to do the same thing. kirby’s so energetic, it’s hard to not want to stim with him. it reminds meta to be kinder to himself and explore his own emotions. he can also help kirby understand themselves, so this connection is very important.

yeah, at the end of the day, everything kinda just boils down to kirby and mk as parallels

this is the conclusion i promise

to me, meta’s arc is about growing stronger by growing kinder, and this is mostly by learning to be kind to himself. letting himself be a person again, loving and understanding other people, and eventually, letting go of all the expectations placed on him and doing the things he’s always wanted to do…

autism headcanons are fun for me because it’s cathartic to write, but at the same time, it just makes sense in this sort of narrative. meta is, to me, inseparable from these things. and so is kirby! that’s a dynamic that’s a lot of fun to play with, and it’s at the heart of my kirby interpretation.

if you actually read all this WOW thank you

[kaiserouo]

sometimes its weird to think of ordis as ordan karris

[marcelineuntitled]

fanart for This Is Not The End by @kings-highway

potentially my favourite fic ever!! <3

[oldworldghost]

How do you think P would react over finding out Reader likes to sing? Is a duet incoming in the walls of Hotel Krat?

P with a lover who's a singer! ☆

↳ Anon this is adorable! I'm tempted to write a fic about something along these lines at a different time, but for now have some hcs :]

➸ Pinocchio finds out you sing on one of his return trips to the hotel. His attention is first grabbed by the sound of the piano, its' notes greeting him upon his entrance, and being the artistically inclined man that P is, he naturally follows it. His attention is secondly grabbed by the faint sound of a voice, half hidden by the keys and only to be properly made out that's yours when he's standing in the doorway of the library. He makes eye contact with Antonia, who sends him a smile before turning back to you, who either hasn't noticed that he's there or simply doesn't care. He supposes it to be the former, too engrossed in what you're doing to pay attention to the outside world.

➸ He, very quickly, ends up the same. Dead glass eyes watch intently as your hands glide over the keys, something akin to life sparking in them as he listens to your voice dance with the music. Pinocchios' initial reaction is that you sound beautiful, look beautiful. Though it would be more accurate, I suppose, to say that he thinks you both look and sound incredibly human. P has never heard anyone sing outside of Vinyls, at least not for long, so being able to not only listen in person but watch as you engage in the act of something as human as music has his gears speeding up. Something in them has changed, he's sure of it.

➸ It should come as no surprise to say that Pinocchio is immensely curious about [and attracted to, in your case] things he perceives as human. This is partially due to the fact that he sees them as a goal, something to work towards and obtain, a barrier to be broken between himself and humanity as a whole. And of course this extends to music and is one of the reasons his vinyl collection is ever growing, why he always finds himself returning to the piano. It is a little hard to tell whether Ps' appreciation of art is something inherent to him or if it merely exists because he thinks it has to. In all honesty it's probably both.

➸ Now, to grow less introspective about it all, Pinocchio also just really loves listening to you sing because it's, well, you. He is undoubtably your number one fan, though he's subtle about it. Gemini is the hype man, much to the embarrassment of P and the amusement of Everyone Else. Honestly it's not even really embarrassment on Ps' part, more of an annoyed "wow I wish you would shut the fuck up!" because Gemini has the talent of being able to bring you into every conversation and you being a singer just adds more fuel to a fire that really does not need it [Pinocchio would one hundred percent do the same though if he was more, you know, talkative].

➸ One of Pinocchios' main love languages is quality time, and honestly you being a singer is perfect for that. Most of his time at the hotel is spent just sitting and listening and watching. Something about your voice makes him feel safe, as weird as that may sound. Maybe it's the affection in it when you sing for him alone, or just how intimate the atmosphere ends up being. He's not even sure if he's capable of feeling comfort, but he wouldn't change whatever's in his chest for the world.

➸ In regards to duets, I think Pinocchio would actually be rather open to the idea. Now, contrary to popular belief he can in fact speak, though he seldom ever does it without prompting. He doesn't really see the point in it if we're being honest, yes speaking is human but his voice is so flat and honestly he just doesn't have a lot to say about things. So it's fairly safe to say P has never sung before, hell he's not even sure if his voicebox can function like that, but nonetheless when you bring up the idea of a duet he's not only willing but somewhat eager about the whole thing. There's really no rhyme or reason for it either, Pinocchio just likes the idea of doing something human with someone who makes it easy to forget he's a puppet.

➸ Now Pinocchios' singing voice is actually rather nice! Though it is, of course, undeniably mechanical. There's something off about it, at times sounding like a crude mimicry of a human, a constant stiffness and roughness to it. It falls into a sort of uncanny valley, however there is also something undeniably endearing about it, something human about how much you can tell he wants to express anything in it. As for sound outside of puppetry, Ps' voice is fairly deep but retains a certain gentleness to it, a smoothness that contradicts the stiffness in a really lovely way. And yes, Pinocchio has a sense of rhythm.

➸ Pinocchio has a strong preference for keeping your duets private. The best way to do that, in his opinion, is when you're both out in the gardens dancing together. Under the stars while everyone else is inside, chest against chest and voices in sync, the gentle twirls and turns as you both slip into your own little world. If you couldn't tell how much he values your duets before, you certainly can now. Kiss him after the song is done, won't you?

[w33d-k4tz]

i guess what im trying to say is

i love you .

@201-klz-dead

[masterfuldoodler]

girlbossed too hard.... unless...

[seventh-district]

.

[dazzelmethat]

Long time no Bud. Wow the last time I made her a ref was 2018. I experimented some with her pallet. Unsure if I like the profile head but oh well, open mouthed anime inspired profile faces are notoriously hard for a reason.

Sigh. What am I going to do with her.. my writing conundrum workshopping in tags. My tag rant mentions plot related suicide and ableism (in relation to the zombie trope).

[blackjackkent]

Slowly discovering the freeing power of the words "I know this is bad but I'll fix it in editing."

[cha1cedony]

They do not prepare you for writing the grand finale of baby's first 100k longfic. I am so sad :( I'm gonna miss it :((((( Good thing I have a bajillion other installments planned but like :(((((((((((((

[sisterdivinium]

There's a lot of stuff I'd love to do but then there's only so much time and only so much external interest regarding such events too.

Some sort of short fic exchange for non-juggernaut WN ships or some funky comment fic place or a capslock community for all your unhinged commentary needs or a WN bingo... I don't know, something.

[raine-world]

Autocorrect stop changing "Quirrel" to "Squirrel" challenge: Impossible.

[chipped-chimera]

Ugh ... I am low-key so worried about how the BG3 ending is gonna play out for Karlach that I'm considering stopping playing and just coming back to it when I can handle it. Some of this shit is just hitting too close to home and I'm not sure I'm cut out for it.

More personal context under the cut if you want.

I relate to Karlach's pain so much. Too much. To the point it makes me teary thinking about it. Both of our lives have been cruel.

It has been hard for me, despite a stable family upbringing that most would envy, in a lower-middle class family that for the large part has been financially stable. I'm also white. I know I'm lucky in that capacity - god I fucking know (and the thought that what I've gone through could be considered a 'lucky' position? What does that mean for others? It keeps me up at night).

But that didn't stop the pain crawling in. I wasn't diagnosed with Autism until 27. I wasn't diagnosed with co-morbid ADHD until I was 28. I wasn't medicated for ADHD until I was 30 (and that was AFTER being told by a psych who also invalidated my Autism diagnosis aka the context for fucking EVERYTHING in my life, I couldn't have ADHD because I could 'read a book').

Before that? I knew I was depressed at 13, but didn't want to burden my family so I did nothing - we may be lower middle class and stable but I knew that was only because my parents tried so fucking hard. We had camping chairs in place of furniture up until I was eight. I lived with the pain because I didn't want to burden them, and without the context of my neurodivergence I just blamed myself for the problem, not being good enough, not trying hard enough - not being ENOUGH. I held onto it until I cracked and couldn't take it anymore at 16. I was diagnosed with Depression and Generalised Anxiety Disorder. It's since been upgraded to chronic Major Depression and it's classed as treatment resistant.

Both of us have had moments of building ourselves up from nothing. Through therapy and medication I was able to feel a bit better, more positive as I left high school. Thinking maybe it was gonna be okay after all, out there in the world.

It felt like I'd slowly reached out into the light, tentatively, hopefully - there'd be something more, that I'd live out the dreams I'd had, the things I'd always wanted to do. I was still optimistic.

Instead it felt like that arm had been immediately lopped off.

The story is long and too complicated to tell without this being longer than it needs to be. But like Karlach, I feel I've lost years of my life. Like Karlach, it's been a decade - ten years. That I cannot get back, that I grieve keenly.

I have been isolated, and then betrayed by those I thought I trusted. First, by the systems that were supposed to help me when I was struggling - my own government's system as they hit me with a debt that I couldn't even pay, on a scheme which has in retrospect been found to be completely illegal, but has left me with lasting trauma and damage and no closure. Not even a sorry. Because I, with my undiagnosed Autism and ADHD and a growing fatigue issue where I was so exhausted from simply being alive I just couldn't fight it. So I let them take money out of my social security payment - which was and still is considered below the poverty line. I was punished for being poor, I was punished for arguably, being disabled.

And then, by the person I trusted most. The person I thought I loved, the person who made it felt like everything was okay - I may be struggling still but there was still a future! There was someone who cared about me, who would be beside me for the rest of my lifetime. He asked me to marry him. We were engaged for three. Years. We'd been dating for 10. I thought everything, despite all the shit happening to me, was going to be okay.

It wasn't.

I had landed some employment for the first time in 3 years. I was working more hours than advised by the psychologist who diagnosed me with Autism but I had no choice - I was literally on the minimum limit available to me, due to the barriers I still have to navigate to qualify for disability supports (again, from a government system that I no longer trusted and gave me the earnest impression that they preferred me dead than 'leeching off their system'). But I was not living. I couldn't handle even 15 hours a week, I was more exhausted than I'd ever been. I felt like a corpse. I spoke with my disability employment coordinator (no, despite what I said, being on disability EMPLOYMENT services does not qualify you getting onto disability support, just means the government will only hound me for a minimum of 15 hrs a week instead of 30 in order for social security, that's a whole other complicated thing) IN CONFIDENCE that I wasn't sure I could keep up with the current work format and hoped I could discuss some solutions. Next minute I find I'm locked out of the work facebook. I was fired, without warning and without protections because I was a casual. Because my employment coordinator told my boss before even discussing anything with me.

My relationship was suffering but I wasn't aware. I was too tired for intimacy, and probably two tired to see the signs. I'd gotten my Autism diagnosis at this point and maybe it was a bit difficult for my fiancée at the time to understand, but he came to terms with it. The ADHD assessment was booked. I had realized at this point pushing myself to be something I wasn't, thinking somehow landing work and earning money for myself would help the depression - it didn't. I was worse than I'd ever been. Then the moment came where I was handed a notice that the government would no longer give me any social security because my partner, on his meager chef's salary was earning too much. All because I'd tried to do the right thing by the government. I'd tried so hard to be good. I'd tried so hard to be ENOUGH.

I wasn't enough.

My fiancée came to me, my fiancée who I'd been talking to about our upcoming wedding plans now the pandemic was over, my fiancée who I'd been cuddling with on the couch last night watching films - he came to me when I was battered, and raw and broken and crying in bed - just said 'I can't do this anymore.' And that was it. It was done. As I processed it, I realised the root of it was, it was because I'd taken the mask off. I decided I wasn't going to try to be something I wasn't anymore, because I knew and it was backed up in countless studies - what I was doing was actively killing me. And he didn't want to deal with that. I wasn't enough, and yet I was too much.

It has been two years since then. My ADHD is medicated. I live in a stable, safe environment with my parents where I don't have to worry about my security. I have set firm boundaries that I learned while I was independent, and they respect them. But the wounds are still deep and it'll take a long time to recover, to get that trust in the world back.

When I look at Karlach, I see some of myself. Someone who has been used, abused and betrayed by those they trusted. Someone who felt abandoned by everything, that there was no hope, no way out. And yet in spite of it all - kept going. Who, deep in their heart kept something soft and safe. Held onto and protected what little shred of optimism left. Because if we don't practice kindness, who will? We want to be the kindness we want to see in the world, because fuck, have we seen so little of it. It is so easy to give up, to fall into despair when you've been through so much shit. It requires so much vigilance and energy and momentum to keep going, when you're wading through a battlefield of carnage and gore in your life, whether metaphorical or literal. We hold on and we are kind because we hope, one day, that kindness will touch us back. That despite it all we try our fucking hardest to wear a smile, and see the good in everything we can.

And I think that's why it hurts so much. Karlach is finally free. And happy. She feels loved. She's finally feeling some of that kindness again kindness that I know, that she knows she fucking deserves. And it's on a fucking time limit.

And that's what's fucking breaking me. I know she's supposed to be some kind of allegory for terminal illness. And I know this isn't my story. I know it's a story that is important to tell, and it will touch others in a different way. But for me it feels like all the wounds I've barely scabbed over are being ripped open again. Because this is not an ending she deserves at all. It makes me sit and wonder, is that all there is for people like us? Just brief windows of happiness in the pain until we die? Don't we deserve saving? Don't we deserve a happy ending? A peaceful one? Don't we deserve to wear that smile, that happiness without us having to fight for every second it with tooth and nail to keep it there? To believe in it?

I don't know the endings in detail for her. But i have seen enough in the vaguest sense to feel it won't be good, and I don't know if I'm ready for that. I have played games with sad themes, like I know Cyberpunk isn't that great either - but I think the difference is who it is happening to. It's somehow easier when it's you, as the player. But when it's someone else? When you know that pain so fucking keenly you would rip yourself apart just to let them escape that hell, it's hard to stomach.

Then there's the disability angle that bothers me so much. Currently her options, as she puts it, are burning up and dying or going back to Avernus. I understand why she's choosing death, like, fuck man I do. Why is it always death though? Why is death better. Why can't she get a replacement heart? Make it shit! It can be a shitty heart that still works, but needs tune ups, and maybe she can't fight like she used to but she gets to fucking live a happy life! Because a shitty, happy life is better than nothing at all. Because as it goes, it feels to me I'm just being told it's easier to just die than submit to the suffering again whenever a piece of media picks an end like this. It's either the cure-all or death, there's never room for something in between. There's never room for making peace with what you have lost and still reclaiming some of your life, grieving what you have lost but still finding something worth having and holding onto. And when you're in that limbo state yourself, it's a hard pill to swallow. And it's hard to let anyone else fall into it.

We both deserve life. We both deserve happiness.

Fuck.