#probably awful advice but what makes me cool on here seems to be being myself kinda? and also knowing shit

[punctuation-completionist]

why do you get the cool autism that makes you complete punctuation stuff and why so I get the lame autism that makes me hate people and hide in a fucking nest when im even slightly sad :< [tell me how to be cool im very very sadnessed right now :<]

gonna be honest, i am not super cool irl and i do kinda hate people. but i suppose if i count as cool then to be cool, just try to enjoy things, learn new facts, and do things at your own pace :D (was that good advice? hope so)

. ? , : [ ] ( ) <

9/21 (counting my words i suppose)

[iraprince]

Heyo! Any advice on struggling to get your art seen in the world? I feel like no matter how much I post, or what I post, people never see it or seem to like it. I love art and am pursuing it as a career (hence why Im getting a degree in it currently lmao) but its kind of disheartening to work really hard on something, post it, and no one sees it.

oh, man. i'm afraid for this one i don't feel like i have a lot of solid advice. having a large-ish following online feels like something that kind of just, like, Happened to me, mostly on accident/in ways outside of my control, and even if i had some ideas on how to potentially replicate those gains i don't think they'd work consistently. (also, a lot of my large jumps in follower count came from mental health related work going viral bc it's #relatable; this is something i have complicated feelings about and it's absolutely not a viable, like, "strategy" or something that i would recommend, in the way that ppl can say like, "fanart gets attention!" or stuff like that.)

so, i don't have advice for how to actually GET those eyes on your art; i can maybe help with making ppl more likely to STAY once they do find you, and how to build a following that will actually help you maintain a living from your work -- bc i have TONS of peers w a following a fraction of the size of mine who get more jobs than me, are doing cooler/more "professional" stuff than me, etc! (heads up that most of my experience is on twitter; i know less than nothing about places like instagram + tiktok, and while tumblr functions very differently from twitter i feel like i handle things mostly the same here, aside from doing less personal posting/being less talkative and not 'networking' or following many people).

SCROLLING BACK UP TO ADD A SPOILER ALERT: AS ALWAYS I HAVE SAID "HAHA IDK I DON'T REALLY HAVE ANY ADVICE" AND THEN PROCEEDED TO TYPE A FULL ESSAY. IF YOU ARE ON DESKTOP YOU CAN HIT THE 'J' KEY TO SKIP THIS POST. IF YOU'RE ON MOBILE, I'M SORRY

a very important thing, especially professionally: it HAS to be easy to see what you do. (this is easier here on tumblr, where u can have a designated art tag etc, than on twitter, which is an awful website that sucks. <- guy who makes all his money on twitter) this means, like -- if i see something from you and get curious and click your profile, it should only take one more click to quickly see at least SOME of your art. on a professional account, it's probably best for your icon to be your own work, something snappy and memorable and eye-catching that reads well at a small size; people shouldn't have to dig for 20 minutes before they can start browsing your art. on twitter, this means TRY not to gunk up your media tab with a ton of reaction images/screencaps of your gacha pulls/etc; on here, it means make your art tag easy to find; on any website, a portfolio link, prominently displayed, is the best bet. (i am still working on that one myself lmao and i've been working professionally full time for a few years now so like, there are outliers and wiggle room on all of this).

next! it's great when your audience finds you, but you have to find them, too. find artists who do similar stuff to you and get into their stuff -- sincerely, not just as "networking." (like only do this with ppl whose stuff you actually think is cool, not just trying to get in mutuals with everyone you see in hopes of a bump, obviously.) get interested in other indie artists, find the people who are working/publishing in the spaces that are exciting and aspirational for you, and support them! i don't want it to sound cynical when i say there's a kind of give-and-take built into this; the point is not "well, if i reblog/retweet a bunch of YOUR stuff, maybe you'll feel obligated to boost mine in return," but that when you find other artists/creatives who are on the same wavelength as you, you will naturally stumble into pools of people who want to support art like yours, and you and your newfound peers will help each other when you hype each other's stuff up and direct followers to each other! (again re: things going differently on dif websites: this is twitter-specific for me, bc i use my tumblr as a gallery/portfolio. that doesn't mean it doesn't happen here tho! it can and does happen everywhere!)

it is really not a competition. i know that SOMETIMES it is in like, a really nitty-gritty numbers sense; people only have so much money to spare, they will make choices about whose patreon they can afford/what comic to buy/etc, that's true. but to me that's not competition. people who are sincerely into your stuff will hang on until they can afford it; maybe that means someone follows you for two whole years before the planets align and they have the budget/opportunity to commission you. by hanging out in similar circles you are not taking potential business or opportunities away from anyone else, nor are you risking leading your own audience to Someone They'll Like Better; you're just offering more options, and the internet is VAST and endless, and EVENTUALLY people will show up who are into YOUR STUFF, SPECIFICALLY. helping each other is never going to stifle or delay that!!

and my final chunk of advice is the one i give constantly that everyone is probably super sick of hearing but i just seriously seriously believe in it, even tho i know it's slow to pay off and hard to follow: keep doing exactly what you want to. keep doing it!!! you have to!!! yes, i mean the stuff that's getting like, 2 likes and 0 reblogs! the stuff that 'nobody likes!'

earlier i mentioned i have gotten big follower bumps from like adhd comics and stuff like that going viral. the thing is that, from a professional standpoint: my follower count has like, more than quintupled from where it was at a few years ago; my patreon income has absolutely NOT quintupled lmfao. it has less than doubled, over that same period of like... i wanna say over 4 years. that's still good, i'm grateful for it, and i owe a lot of it to the sheer numbers game (the more ppl see ur work, the more likely it is you'll reach someone who decides to support you), but there is absolutely not an actual direct correlation between numbers and career success/stability.

where there IS a direct correlation is between "people who give a shit about the art i really truly love making" and "people who like my art enough to support me professionally." HUGE chunks of the followers i get any time something goes viral slough off over time; there's nothing wrong with that, they just follow me bc something was funny/interesting and end up realizing my work's not actually their thing. but the ppl who follow me bc they're into all the stuff i post most consistently, the stuff i care about and am passionate about, stick around. and i would not have found them if i wasn't posting the shit i care about!

out there there are people who will be 100% crazy about the stuff that is 100% what you want to make. it's like actually statistically impossible for there not to be. the more niche your thing is, the longer it will take to find them, but they absolutely exist. but if you give up before you find them -- if you start saying, "well, i'll put in 50% of this idea that i love, but the other 50% is too weird and nobody's gonna like it and it'll flop" -- well, in that case, you can only ever find the ppl who are 50% into what you do. don't fuck yourself like that!! you cannot deny yourself the possibility (the INEVITABILITY!!! IMO!!!!!) of finding the people who will 100% get what you're doing.

so: on a pragmatic level, i'm sure there will be ppl who disagree with me on this, and who think it's absolutely mandatory to do fanart as a crowd draw or learn about algorithms and posting times and get on tiktok and do the visibility grind and everything and that it's stupid and irresponsible to tell people not to. i'm sure it's also easy to point out that i'm speaking from a place where i now have more eyes on my stuff than i know what to fucking do with so maybe i'm just totally out of touch and being naive or something. but for me the most important part of doing art now, ESPECIALLY as a career, is to keep loving it and to believe in what i'm doing and to build an audience that cares about the same things i do. and i think it is really really vital to make that your top priority. bc if you don't, then even if you DO crack the code to suddenly getting tons of notes on everything etc -- will you even keep wanting to do it?

this job is hard. it's lonely, in my experience; i spend so much time sitting in front of my computer alone. it's unstable, which is stressful and can be frightening. it's emotionally taxing, for me, because art is so important to me that it's hard to set boundaries and separate my identity from it and actually treat it like a job. it has taken me a long time to find success doing this; maybe i could have gotten there faster if i had tried to find ways to draw an audience specifically, but i think if i had somehow managed to get a big patreon following/tons of commissioners/etc by doing something formulaic or doing stuff that specifically gets tons of attention, but isn't what's natural for me -- i don't think i would have lasted very long that way. this is already hard and complicated enough; i don't think it's sustainable to give up any unnecessary ground on doing exactly what you're passionate about, bc at least in my case, that's mandatory for this even being a livable career for me. i would burn out and decide to do something else very quickly if the only way to succeed was to chase numbers/engagement.

doing it this way is very slow. if i hadn't been able to lean on family/my wife while starting up, i would have had to have a day job for much longer (like, years, probably) while saving up and preparing to go full time; for as long as you struggle to get traction, it may mean going full time has to be on the backburner. but the thing is that there's nothing wrong with that, it's the reality for the vast majority of us (from what i've seen) -- and you'll eventually build a career that can last way longer, i think.

okay oh my god i'm done. sorry about that. like i said this job is pretty lonely and i sit here all day and think about this stuff and then generally do not talk about it with anyone until somebody asks me about it and then i repeat myself at length again. like i did here. anyway have a good night sincerely and i hope some part of this was helpful!!!

[aseriesofunfortunatejan]

There's something that's been weighing on me for a bit, and I don't know who to turn to to ask for advice. Like I don't even know if there's a tag I could use for that.

This is about zines! Like fandom zines, draw-your-blorbo-for-this-zine zines. As a hobbyist digital artist who Posts Drawings Online, I often hear that participating in zines is great for practice and to get your name out there.

I definitely don't believe I'm consistently good enough to make it to the Cool Zines with the Popular Artists but there are zines that are open to all levels, right? I've been a bit shy about it, but every now and then I took a look. At this point, I've still never participated in one.

Last time I had hope was when I ran into a zine for a character with a small fandom, whom I personally like and have drawn a couple times before. The rules for the zine said it was beginner friendly, so it seemed ideal - if it's friendly to full-on beginners, it's probably friendly for an adult who just happens to be a slow learner when it comes to drawing... right?

But I completely lost hope when I read something along those lines: "We will be checking in regularly over the months with every artist to make sure their pieces are coming together. Our goal is to encourage every artist, even beginners, to spend time on and produce their best piece for this zine." I don't know if I'm transcribing this well, because it was a long time ago, but the implication was that you're supposed to work on your piece over the span of multiple months.

I don't know how to explain that this is not an option. The way I practice drawing is by finishing my piece all at once - and for bigger pieces (which may be what applies to what I'd produce for a zine), over a few days in a row. I don't like to play the I'm a Major and Neurodivergent card, but I know for a fact that when I have to spend a long time on a project, it actively ruins my life. Like think inability to be productive at all during the time I'm not working on a piece. Think exhausting myself mentally to the point it causes my work to be worse, not better because I spent a long time on it. Think heightened depression.

This is why I limited my commissions slots to 6, for example. When someone pays me to draw an entire cast of characters (which is usually what interests my clients), I know for a fact that my quality of work goes down the more I work on it. I know myself and I know that to be healthy AND produce my best work, it needs to be a one-and-done thing. (Pieces I've spent multiple days in a row on include this and this. But I've also completed fullbody pieces in a few hours, like this. Basically what I'm trying to prove is that I know and understand my own abilities.)

If I refused to comply and actually spend months on a piece to keep adding to it and "make it better" as expected, I would probably be perceived as a bad element, and that would make me Feel Bad because I Don't Do It On Purpose. I'm also not sure how I'd feel having someone who expects me to be able to continue working on a piece give me criticisms on a drawing I'm done with and honestly can't touch up anymore for the life of me? (I'm not really good at correcting a piece once I've rendered it lol.)

I don't know how to explain how depressing it was to me to read this line. It really made me feel like zines, even those open to hobbyists, are inaccessible to me. I'm not gonna sit here and call the creators of this zine ableist because I'm wondering if this isn't just... what is expected for every zine. It makes me feel awful and like I have no chance to ever participate in one. I don't know how to explain that I'm not rushing and being lazy, but I would in fact make my life a nightmare if I spent too much time on it, and I thought hobbies were for fun?

So this is my actual question for anyone who's familiar with fanzines: is this in fact the expectation for all zines? Are there zines that are known to be open for different working styles? Are there ways I can efficiently communicate my issue and be accepted without bothering the creators too much?

The pressure of performing well would already be a lot of stress for me, so if on top of that I weren't able to do the type of work expected of me, I'd feel like trash. If I'm accepted into a zine because my art level seems proper for it, can it be also accepted that I won't in fact spend a really long time on my piece? Like I'll take the time it needs. From my point of view.

[insertive-not-assertive]

Do you have any Advice on Changeling the lost?

make your changeling as sick as possible

jk jk sorry dude im not sure what you mean like, advice for the game in general? ive never played ctl so i guess all i can offer is what ive heard and read?

ok so, play the most recent version of the game (2e i think its called) because its better, but also take it with a grain of salt. everyone ive heard from so far improvises on the game and makes homebrews, and theres so much creative room in this game that its perfect for exploring what the fuck ever you like in a ttrpg.

its even the kind of game you could just spend time making shit up for yourself if you dont want to/cant play it, as ive been doing.

like i said ive never played so idk about the finer mechanics of gameplay and whats balanced and whats not, but when it comes to character creation i REALLY encourage you to dig into ur imagination and bring out a magic creature you wanna be or youd wanna make an oc out of

what kinda changeling do you wanna be/play as? what made your character that way? what do they do after they escape Arcadia?

check out seemings/kiths/courts and then mess that dude UP, give them sick powers and weaknesses

you can be kithless lmao, some people are just too nebulous to categorize

the courts all have a different emotion for how they deal with being a changeling. you dont have to pick a court, but if u do id say to ask your character what being in that court means to them.

oh also if youre making up a Fae, try to make it as fucked up and cool as possible. theyre so weird and monstrous at times. i just picked my changelings keeper from the ones already made (because hes awful in a great way) but i think itd be cool if more people made their own?

ppl have explained this better than me, but the thing that changelings have that fae will almost never have is the support of other changelings. fae are so concerned with themselves they cant understand banding together to live like changelings do (which makes them still human). so i wanna say keep in mind that the best weapon changelings have against fae is ironically the power of bonds (motleys, freeholds, and courts) this is the heart of the game imo.

im bullshitting my way thru this here, i dont know how much you know about ctl already, but i can point you towards the stuff ive found these last two weeks ive been fixated on it, if you wanna look at all that stuff? you can skip all that junk i said above and just go thru this stuff. its kinda dead out there but still good:

one of the forums!

a forum post with a bunch of supplementary material!

codex site that i havent rly explored yet but its probably excellent

this guy made character sheets for almost every white wolf game

book 1e(quality might vary)

book 2e

theres other books but i havent found them yet! like winter masques!

@qm-vox's essays about seemings and courts and changeling stuff!!! link to their summer court post because thats my favorite one obviously

im always hesitant to recommend reddit to anyone, but i like reading the whitewolfrpg subreddit to read other ppls takes on ctl sometimes x]

i dont like video essays or watching ppl play ttrpgs, but if you do i guess i recommend that if you wanna hear more about it? im sure theres stuff on youtube

read the white wolf wiki if you want, but just know the info there is a little scattered and hard to put together. i started reading the books bc i wanted to put it together

sorry if you wanted to know something specific? i can only vaguely point you in a direction! im still learning abt all the finer points of this game myself

[ms-demeanor]

While I love the theory of the depression post, the cause of my depression is my own ugliness and inadequacy. And alas no amount of small external things ever distract me from having to see myself be myself, feel myself, every moment. It just shows other things are better than me, once again.

Okay but what if your brain is lying to you about that.

Did someone sit with you and examine your life and all your actions at some point saying “yep, anon is totally inadequate, doesn’t measure up to standards 21-a through 47-m of being a person, that’s where the depression is coming from” or is that a thing that your brain has told you?

Because depression brain lies.

You exist. You’re a person with a presence in the world. That is adequate. You are reaching out and making contact with people. That is adequate.

Depression brain likes to tell us that we’re failures, that we haven’t ticked the right boxes or finished all the projects that we meant to, or that we’ve let down all our friends and family and are failures, irredeemable, intolerable, inadequate failures.

But. Like. Your brain is an asshole and its checklist of what you have to do to be “adequate” is completely impossible and you can never measure up to it so. Don’t? You really don’t have to? Just being here and existing as a person in the world is a good enough reason to want to exist without pain and misery.

It’s impossible to fail enough as a person that you DESERVE to feel this way, so it’s okay to take steps to feel better, even if they seem stupid and silly and like they won’t work because your depression is just a PART of you and you’ll NEVER FEEL BETTER and you SHOULD feel like this because you’re a BAD PERSON. (All of those all caps words are lies that depression brain tells a lot of us. They’re not true for me, I’m guessing they’re not true for you either because I honestly and legitimately believe that they’re not true for any human beings and unless you’re about to tell me some really cool facts about the universe then you’re a human being and you don’t deserve to feel like this, couldn’t do anything to deserve to feel like this)

Now, let’s talk about ugliness.

Physical appearances are totally immaterial and have no bearing on your worth or value as a person and if people treat you badly for being physically ugly those people fucking suck and you don’t have to pay attention to them. They and their shitty opinions are not your problem.

BUT if you’re talking about emotional/mental ugliness, well, that’s a thing that depressed people often deal with.

We’ve got a lot of ugly thoughts, sometimes we think cruel things about others as well as ourselves. Sometimes we end up being unpleasant to be around; sometimes we even end up manipulating other people and that’s certainly not a good thing.

But there’s a difference between having ugly thoughts and ugly emotions and being a bad, cruel, or unpleasant person.

It’s okay to think ugly things. You’re probably never going to stop doing that and without a lot of practice you’re going to reach for ugly reactions as the first response to anything that upsets you.

This is an excellent reason to learn to recognize and articulate your feelings and to take responsibility for how they impact other people.

Because here’s the thing, being a “bad person” internally doesn’t really matter (I mean, it matters in the long-term context of your ongoing mental health but that is a problem for someone who is not in deep crisis mode to grapple with) so long as it doesn’t impact other people.

But, okay, let’s say you’re right and your depression is caused by the fact that you’re an inadequate, ugly person.

Over time writing down good things that you enjoy will STILL prevent you from dropping into depressive spirals and will still provide evidence that you’re capable of experiencing positive emotions.

Even if there’s a “legitimate” reason for your depression there’s no reason to make it worse and it’s not cheating on the universe if you take steps to alleviate the symptoms.

Also, tip for people who have issues with feeling inadequate:

Don’t just write down things that make you feel good, write down when YOU do a good thing.

Were you there for a friend? Did you help your sibling with homework? Did you offer to pick up groceries for your neighbor? Did you volunteer for the Trevor Project? Did you finish writing a paper? Did you update a fanwiki?

WRITE IT DOWN WHEN YOU MAKE AN IMPACT ON THE WORLD. Write it down when you do something that makes someone else’s day easier, write it down when you finish a project, write it down when you do favors for people.

You don’t have to, like, go out and BRAG about these things, but when your depression brain is saying “hey you’re a shithead who has never finished anything and never helped anyone” then you can go “bullSHIT I helped that guy who needed a jump last week, and two weeks ago I finished my midterms.”

I have complicated feelings about this because I think the definition of “worth” our society imposes on people is harmful - “You are worth more than your productivity” is genuinely the most helpful thing that anyone has ever said to me and was actually life-changing - but there’s still value in being able to point to the world and go “I did that and it mattered” and, yeah. That song you wrote mattered. Picking up your mom’s medicine from the pharmacy mattered. Giving cash to someone who needed it mattered. You have value in the world and it’s okay to write down the valuable things to do to use them as evidence in the bullshit show trial your brain is setting you up to fail.

Also.

So what if things are better than you.

There are worse things than you too.

Write a list of the things that you are better than.

“I am better than every single employee of ICE.”

“I am better than that girl who built a career off of carrying a gun at Kent State.”

“I am better than literal dogshit and even literal dogshit is an important part of the local ecosystem so at least I’ve got that going for me.”

Like, yeah, I am *NOWHERE NEAR AS GOOD* as evidence that the moon is wet, but I’m better than cities that fund school resource officers.

ALSO ALSO

This specific type of negative thinking, the “your advice about depression is very good but it doesn’t apply to me because I’m a special category of unrecoverable awfulness” is a very, very common symptom of untreated, unmanaged depression. It is similar to the “your advice about depression is very good but doesn’t apply to me specifically because I have [x] barrier that prevents me from writing a journal of positive thoughts” negativity.

We’re all unique and special buds, but you ain’t special in that way.

Pick up a blank piece of paper and write about a meme you liked. Do the same thing tomorrow. Do the same thing the day after that. Do the same thing forever.

For some people it doesn’t get better, but you do get better at managing it.

Good luck, buds.

[mister-supernova]

Missed Connection

Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4

Pairing: Hope Mikaelson x Reader 

It’s almost been a month since your encounter with the stranger you believed to be from your dreams. Without any luck of seeing her again, you were beginning to think that maybe that’s all she was; just some mere figment of your imagination that you so desperately wanted to have all the answers you needed. 

As insufferably difficult this summer was for you, you still managed to get through it. You thought it was because school wasn’t in session and that you’d be back in your element in no time once classes begin again. 

That was what you had hoped for anyways, but alas even when the halls were filled with your peers and your routine was back in place, nothing seemed to change. The mysterious void in your chest didn’t ease like you wished it would.

You couldn’t help but wonder if your friends had been feeling the same way, too. Surely there’s no chance that you could be alone in this situation, right? 

“You can’t tell me that things haven’t felt a little weird since Landon destroyed Malivore. He doesn’t even know how it happened, Lizzie.” 

The blonde Saltzman nearly whips you in the face with her hair as she abruptly turns to face you in the crowded hallway. “Y/n, we live in a world where witches, werewolves, and vampires exist. Everything in our lives is bound to have a tiny amount of weirdness.”

She made a good point and you knew that, but you also knew that this feeling was different. It had to be. 

Lizzie frowns at the disappointed look on your face and rests a comforting hand on your shoulder, “Look, the most important thing is that Malivore is gone. No more bizarre monsters coming to kill us every week. Now try to stop overthinking things and let’s get through this school year in peace.”  

Before you knew it, your conversation ended just as quickly as it started and Lizzie was on her way back to class. You hang your head with a defeated sigh, desperately searching the hallway for someone who may be just as lost as you were. Instead, you see everyone going about their first day back like normal. 

Students who were away with their families are now smiling brightly as they reunite with friends. Other groups of friends laugh at a joke another says as they pass you by and you wonder if there was someone you should be doing that with.

The clarity that you sought out today only made you more confused than ever. At this point you wished that it was still summer vacation because seeing your classmates having a great first day back had you thinking that you really were alone with your feelings.  

Maybe you just needed a day to hang out with your friends after class today. They may not share your thoughts on how odd things have felt recently, but being around them definitely helps clear your head. 

“I’m sorry, Y/n. You know Landon and I would be down to watch a movie or something, but we’re going on our official first date today.” Josie tells you, disheartened. 

After the multitude of movie dates the two of them shared throughout the summer, you’re surprised that none of those had been labeled as dates, but you weren’t going to tell her that outloud. The two of them seem to be really happy to be spending so much time together and you weren’t going to get in the middle and be the third wheel no one wants, especially on a first date. 

“No worries, Jo. I’ll ask Lizzie and MG if they’re free.” She gives you a gentle squeeze on your arm with a sympathetic smile before you go off to find her sister. 

Things didn’t seem to be going to plan here either.

“If I hadn’t already agreed to this stupid- I mean,” she grits her teeth with a forced smile, “very cool study date with MG I’d totally hang out with you. God knows I’d rather do anything else.” You knew you weren’t supposed to hear that last part, but Lizzie was always awful at lowering her voice. 

If you weren’t already feeling distraught, this definitely was the cherry on top of your depressing cake of sadness. 

Instead of showing Lizzie that, you plastered the fakest smile you could and responded with, “Don’t worry about it. I’ll just… hang out downtown and get myself a milkshake at the Grill or something.” 

Plan “get your friends to distract you from the abrasive thoughts penetrating your brain” had failed, but you weren’t going to let it stop you from at least getting out of the school for a couple of hours. With everyone so busy while classes are back in session, it made you wonder what in the world you did after school before this year. 

As much as you tried hyping up how fun it was going to be hanging out downtown by yourself, it only made you feel even more bummed out. Like everything else you’ve been doing since the night Malivore was destroyed, something felt off and nothing seemed to be your remedy.

Minutes turned to hours and you ended up drinking four full glasses of cookies and cream milkshakes at the Grill, literally falling into a sugar coma at your table outside. The sun was barely setting when you got here, but then it was fully dark out when you were woken up from your sugar rush nap. 

“Jesus, Y/n. I thought you were dead or something.” You lean your head upwards to see that it was Landon who woke you from your slumber. 

“One could not be so lucky, phoenix boy.” You groggily respond, stretching out your muscles and wiping any drool from your cheeks.

Looking at your surroundings, you notice that Josie isn’t around. 

“Aren’t you supposed to be on a date?” 

There’s a pained look on Landon’s face at your question, “Yeah, about that… she, uh, she said she wasn’t feeling too good and decided to go back to the school.” 

You raise an eyebrow at him, “What, did you take her to eat sushi or something?” 

That was meant to be a joke, but the look of realization on the curly-haired boy’s face told you all you needed to know. 

“You went to a sushi place.” 

Landon quickly slides into the seat across from yours, “It’s what I suggested. W-Was I not supposed to?”  

“Jo can’t digest any sort of raw food without wanting to convulse. I learned that the hard way when I first started going to the Salvatore school,” you shiver at the memory, “Never again.” 

The phoenix begins falling into a full state of panic, “Oh my God. I didn’t know that! Wh-What am I supposed to do? What if I completely ruined everything? What if she never wants to go on another date with me again? What if-” 

Your patience was thinning very quickly, “Landon, just relax. Take a breather for a second,” you inhale, watching him do the same, and breathe out at the same time, “Go back to the school, check up on her, have a convo about getting some better communication skills and I’m sure everything will be fine.” 

Landon nods, “Okay, okay yeah. That’s good. I’ll, uh, I’ll do that,” he continues to sit across from you until you look at him expectantly, “Do I do that now?”

“For your sake, Josie’s, and especially mine, yes. Now would be great, buddy.” 

“Right, okay. Thanks, Y/n!” He scrambles out of his seat and begins to shuffle away from the Grill. 

“Go get ‘em, Tiger!” You shout with as much enthusiasm you could muster before slumping back into your chair. 

Still dazed from the sugar rush nap and exhausted from that conversation, you lean forward with your elbows on the table and begin wiping the sleep from your eyes using the palms of your hands.

“This is gonna be one hell of a year.”  

“Long day, huh?” You recognize that it’s a girl’s voice you’re hearing, but not one that was familiar to you. 

Moving your hands away from blocking your view, you look up to see the person you convinced yourself was just a figment of your imagination. The long auburn colored hair, fair-skinned, blue eyed girl from your dreams was standing right before you. For a moment, you thought that maybe you really had lost it. 

“Sorry. I just, I saw you sitting here earlier and thought you might want company.”

You’re almost positive that you were staring at her with your mouth hanging open like an absolute idiot. Just say something, dumbass!

“Mind if I join you?” She asks, gesturing towards the now empty chair that Landon left behind. 

“Yes!” 

Idiot! 

“I mean no! No, I uh, I don’t mind.” You chuckle nervously, adjusting yourself in every way possible to hide the fact that you were internally freaking out.

The girl gives you a patient smile before taking the seat in front of you, “So, party of one tonight, huh? I mean, I saw you finish talking to someone right now, but it didn’t seem you two were here together.” 

“Yeah, no. Not together at all or with anyone really,” for some reason you had to make this very clear to her, “That was just a friend of mine who’s having some lady troubles, so I decided to be a good samaritan and give him some positive advice.”

“How chivalrous of you.” Right away you could tell that she was teasing and the nerves you had seconds ago simply began to vanish. 

“Why thank you,” you smile, feeling a wave of warmth when she returns one back, “But yeah, it’s just been me, myself, and I for the night… and day… and probably for the rest of the school year if I’m honest.”

Her smile fades and she tilts her head inquisitively, “What makes you say that?” 

Oh, where to begin. 

“I’ve been asking myself that for a while now actually. Everything should feel perfect given the fact that I have these amazing friends, I go to this incredible school, I’m 100% healthy and not dying of anything that I know of,” you shrug at yourself, “I should be happy with that, but I’m not. It feels so selfish of me to say and I wish I could fix it, but I can’t. How can everything be so close to perfect, but yet there’s still something wrong?” 

The girl stares at you with such empathy and sadness in her eyes that you could swear she was holding something back. 

You continue, “Things also haven’t felt normal lately. My definition of normal anyways. For some reason everything has felt completely off, like I’m missing something. You know when you forget that there’s somewhere you’re supposed to be? Like an event and you don’t realize you’ve forgotten about it until the day of and you say to yourself, ‘oh shit, I can’t believe I forgot about this really important thing’. That’s how I’ve felt ever since summer started,” you notice her tense up slightly, but you continue, “but I can’t remember what I’m forgetting.”

At this point, you were surprised this girl didn’t think you were crazy and start running for the hills. If this were any normal stranger, you wouldn’t feel comfortable enough to overshare the thoughts you’ve been keeping secret from your close friends. For some reason, she made you feel the complete opposite. Strangely enough--given the world you live in--you felt safe with her.

“Everyone at school is making me feel like I’m the only person who feels this way. Everyone else can go back to normal. Everyone else can move on and go on dates and study dates and hang out with their friends and go to class without feeling lost and overall just be… normal.” You finally let go of the breath you had been holding in for what feels like months.

Then you start to laugh at the ridiculousness that just spewed out of your mouth, “Jesus Christ. I’m so sorry. You probably thought you were going to have an innocent ‘nice weather we’re having’ type of conversation, but instead you got a stranger dumping their whole life crisis onto you.” 

“You really don’t have to apologize. Trust me, I understand how insanely messed up life can get and how relieving it is to just vent it all out,” she gives you a reassuring nod with a genuine look of understanding that you’ve been wanting to see for months, “Even if it’s to someone who can potentially be a serial killer.” 

The both of you burst out into a fit of laughs and you swear that you’ve never felt so connected to a person you just met. It was as if your souls had met in another life and were catching up for the first time in a while. Neither of you had a name to place with your faces, but that didn’t seem matter because you already felt like you’ve known this girl for years. 

“I’ve had quite a rough couple of months myself. Not sure if I’d binge drink four cookies and cream milkshakes to numb the pain though.” 

You shrug, “Well, it’s better than the latter option that I can’t even legally purchase because I’m underage. Plus, it helps that these are the best milkshakes in town--even if they are 4 dollars a glass.” 

Now you’re hoping that your old co-worker can cover your bill since you only brought ten dollars with you tonight. Before you could reach for your wallet just to be sure, another thought crossed your mind. 

“Wait. How did you know they were cookies and cream? I know it’s a lot of milk to force inside by body, but I normally leave no trace of evidence behind. Are you a witch or something?” That last part was obviously a joke otherwise she’d be at your school by now.

The girl opens her mouth to speak, but it takes her a moment to come up with an explanation, “It was my best friend’s favorite. Yeah, we used to go out for milkshakes all the time and I guess something about you reminds me of them.” 

You smile, flattered, “Well, might I say, your best friend has amazing taste,” she purses her lips into a tightened smile and lowers her gaze, almost as is the memories of this said ‘best friend’ pained her to think about, “I’m assuming things aren’t so great with them right now?”

She sighs at the thought, “We were close for a long time. I’m actually surprised that they stayed as long as they did. I probably gave them a million reasons to bail, but they were annoyingly persistent,” she chuckles, “I’ll admit, it took me a while to settle into our friendship, but the moment I did was something I would never regret. From that point on the only thing that could separate us was death.” 

Judging by her heavy use of past tense words, you could only think the worst happened, “Did they, you know, um…?” You didn’t want to ask the full question seeing that she was clearly still hurt by the absence of this person. 

She shakes her head, “No. No, it turned out death wasn’t the only factor that was able to keep us apart. We meant a lot to each other and later realized that there was more to us than just friendship. Eventually, things started becoming serious but me being the person I am, I pushed them away and left.”

“Have you tried reaching out to them again?” You thought that there was no way two people who felt those intense feelings could completely forget about each other.

“Once, but things changed. They took one look at me and acted as if I never existed.” Maybe it was the empath in you, but it broke your heart seeing a small pool of tears building up in her eyes. You wished that you could say something to make her feel better and tell her that everything will be okay, but how could you when you don’t know her?

She quickly wipes the tears before they could fall and takes in a deep breath that you instinctively mirrored to compose yourselves. 

“I guess it’s my turn to say sorry, huh? I feel like my baggage was a little heavier than yours there,” she sniffs, huffing out a light chuckle. 

“Well, if we’re giving out medals here, you’ve got the gold. That’s for sure,” you grin, hoping to lighten up the mood.

Her laugh--that you could tell was genuine--gave you the assurance you needed. 

“I feel like I should give you a hug. I mean, if you’re cool with that,” you suggest, ready to push yourself out of your seat, “Because I could kind of use one and I’m just assuming--” 

“That would be great, yeah,” the girl nods with a relieved smile. 

“Alright, great.”

The two of you stand, moving around the table to meet each other in the middle. Her head seemed to fit perfectly against your chest as her arms pressed behind your back. All of the weight that had been piling up on your shoulders began to fall at your feet and the tension from stress that built up inside your chest began fading away. How this could happen from an interaction with a complete stranger, you had absolutely no idea. 

“Is it weird if I say this doesn’t feel weird?” You ask with the side of your head leaned against hers. 

“Well, I think things are only weird when someone makes it weird.” 

You pause for a moment, “Do you think this feels weird?”

She laughs and you know for a fact that she could hear your heart skip a beat, “No. I don’t.”

You fight the goofy grin from appearing on your face, but fail miserably, “Okay, good.” 

Part of you was afraid of what’ll happen the moment you separate. You had no idea when would be the next time you see this girl or if there was going to be a next time. This was the first day in a while when you didn’t feel lost, instead you felt that this was exactly where you needed to be. You felt normal.

Before you could actually start making things weird, you begin to pull away from her embrace, “Well, tonight I learned that I can click with a stranger within a span of ten minutes give or take, so thank you for that.”

She smiles, “Thank you, too.”

“I think it’s safe to say that we’re at the point of learning each other’s names now.” 

“Yes, because why start with those when we could just tell our whole life stories and share an intimate hug first?”

“Exactly! Actually, you know what? I think we should get married in Vegas really quick and we’ll just figure out our names during the vows section of the wedding ceremony. Whatever we come up with in the moment will just be how we refer to each other for the rest of our lives,” you joke. 

“You’re absolutely right.” Wow, a girl who can keep up with your sarcasm without thinking you’re a complete--huge emphasis on complete--idiot? She is the girl of your dreams--literally and metaphorically. 

You stared down at her in wonder, hoping to God that you’re not dreaming and that this interaction has been real, “It’s, uh, it’s Y/n by the way. My name. Y/n L/n.” 

“Hope. Hope Marshall,” she reveals and a victorious smile appears on your lips when you finally have a name to match a face. 

Your smile quickly drops when the clock tower starts going off and you realize that it’s nearly midnight, “Well, it’s been a pleasure meeting you tonight, Hope. I'm sorry to cut the rest of the evening short, but my school just got a new headmaster and unfortunately he’s a lot more strict on our curfew than our previous one. Don’t want to turn into a pumpkin, you know?” 

She chuckles, “No worries at all. It was nice meeting you, too, Y/n,” Hope smiles and you can tell that she didn’t want to leave. If you were being honest, you really didn’t want to either. 

Neither of you could find the energy to be the first person to walk away. To do that would be like trying to separate two annoyingly strong and stubborn magnets apart.

As much as you wanted to spend the whole night learning more about each other, you also didn’t want to be put in detention on the first day back at school. 

Unwillingly, you take the first step backwards without wanting to fully turn away from your newfound acquaintance, “Thanks again for the chat. I hope to see you again very soon, Marshall.”  

Hope rolls her eyes, but can’t contain a smile, “Only if you’re lucky.”

“I think I like my chances,” you wink playfully before turning your heel to make your way back to the school feeling the most energized you’ve felt in a long time.

~

apologies for the later update than usual with this series and I apologize in advance if it takes a while for part 6 to be posted. I’m in a bit of a writing funk right now and my mind is currently locked onto the Wilds soooo there may or may not be imagines for that fandom coming from me soon. anyways, happy late 2021 and here’s to hoping this year isn’t complete shit! much love y’all

taglist: @chicken-wang09​ @trikruismybitch​ @sodangtired​

[melzula]

Life Changing Field Trip

*part of the Fire Lililes series

pairing: Zuko x Princess!reader

warnings: heavy angst, lots of tears, fluff, 3.6k words in length so it’s a doozy

notes: it’s finally here! I’ve had so much fun writing this piece and I hope you enjoy

summary: “You cannot bend something that is broken, but you can heal something that is hurt.”

“You can’t just show up like that, give me a location, and then not tell me why or where I’m going,” you grumble to the moon as you load your bags onto Appa’s saddle. You’re not sure how long you’ll be gone or how far you’ll be traveling, but’s it better to be prepared.

Your bending had dwindled ever since Zuko’s arrival, and no amount of training or meditation ever seemed to help you get back on track. Zuko was a part of your team now, and you hadn’t forgiven him yet, not by a long shot, but you had been good about keeping your rage and your fury locked away inside of you. Scaring Zuko off and creating unnecessary tension wouldn’t help Aang with his fire bending, and so you kept to yourself and avoided the boy at all costs. When he entered a room you exited, if he tried to start a conversation you gifted him your silence as a response, and when he tried to apologize or chase after you you’d freeze his feet to the floor. It was simple and effective and, unlike your water bending, it worked.

But Zuko wasn’t the only obstacle in your life, and you knew you had to figure out your bending issue soon before the comet arrived. Your struggle must have been great enough to draw attention from the spiritual realm, because sure enough that night you were visited by the Moon Spirit in your sleep.

Even in your dream-like state your first instinct upon seeing her was to fetch Sokka, but she made it clear that she didn’t have much time. She gave you a location and stressed the urgency of your arrival to the coordinates. She gave no real explanation and no real direction, just some weird proverb like piece of advice that you were too tired and too dense to understand.

“You cannot bend something that is broken, but you can heal something that is hurt.”

You weren’t sure what exactly Princess Yue meant by that or how it would help you, and for a fleeting moment you wished Iroh were there to help you understand; all you really knew was that there was no time to waste. Whatever this location was and whatever importance it held, you were going, and nothing was going to stop you.

“What are you doing?”

Okay, maybe someone was going to stop you.

“It’s none of your business,” you retort harshly, glaring at Zuko who stands before you with bead head and drowsiness present upon his features. “Go back to sleep.”

“Y/n, come on,” Zuko begs earnestly. “You really expect me to just go back to bed when you’re about to sneak off with Appa in the middle of the night?”

“Yes, I do. Now go,” you scowl whilst settling yourself in the saddle and taking hold of the reigns. Your gaze is fixed straight ahead, but you make no move to go. It’s almost as if something is holding you back from leaving Zuko behind, anchoring you to him in a way that makes you nervous.

“Let me come with you.”

“I have to do this by myself. You wouldn’t understand, you never have,” you argue.

“Then let me try to,” Zuko pleads. “Princess, you’re the only one who hasn’t forgiven me yet. Neither of us can be happy until we at least try to fix it.”

A tense silence washes over the two of you as you mull over Zuko’s words. Princess Yue’s voice echoes in the back of your mind: You cannot bend something that is broken. Your resistance to mend your broken bond only seemed to make things worse for the both of you. You couldn’t sleep, you couldn’t eat, you couldn’t bend, you couldn’t feel at peace with yourself knowing that each day you pushed him away only led to more heartache. Your stubbornness and your pride kept you from accepting his apologies, but your heart cried out to you every time you found yourself missing him, and that was often.

It seemed your decision was made up for you before you were even able to decide it yourself.

“Fine. But I’m in charge, and just because I’m letting you come doesn’t mean we’re friends now,” you answer sternly, your tough exterior crumbling slightly at the sight of Zuko’s hopeful smile. Curse him and his stupid charm.

“Thank you,” he breathes in relief before climbing onto Appa’s back and settling down amongst the many bags of food you packed. A gentle utterance of the words yip yip and you’re off into the skies, truly alone with Zuko for the first time since Ba Sing Se before everything fell apart.

The stars twinkle brilliantly as they watch over your little group in the sky, the night breeze gently flowing through your loose locks and sending your sweet scent straight to Zuko’s senses. Despite being Princess of the Southern Water Tribe, you always smelled of fire lilies. You were sweet and warm and familiar, and being close enough to smell the scent of lilies reminded the prince of your nights together in Ba Sing Se. He had been a fool to throw it all away.

“So where are we going?” He asks finally to break the silence. Without turning to face him you toss your map over your shoulder for him to see. ”The Earth Kingdom? This spot isn’t even marked on a regular map. Why?”

“The Moon Spirit came to me in a dream and gave me those coordinates so that’s where I’m going.”

“The Moon Spirit? Wasn’t she a Princess?” Zuko asks, recalling the story Sokka had told him on their way to the Boiling Rock.

“Of the Northern Water Tribe,” you nod, and before you can stop yourself an admission tumbles past your lips. “You know, I almost left you during the Siege of the North.”

“What?”

“I was homesick and lonely, and you were always occupied with hunting the Avatar. When I saw what the Princess did to save her people I soon felt guilty too. Yue sacrificed her own life, her own happiness, to help her people, and what did I do? I ran away with the boy who was trying to destroy the world’s only hope for peace among Nations. But my love for you overcame my guilt, and so I stayed.”

“Wow...” Zuko murmurs in astonishment. “I didn’t know...”

“Yeah, well, there’s a lot of things you don’t know,” you grumble, immediately closing yourself off again. Zuko sighs sinking further into the saddle, and the scent of fire lilies consumes him.

After three tense hours of flying Appa begins to tire, and you’re left with no choice but to stop for the night and rest. There’s probably only four hours of darkness remaining until sunrise, so you’ll be able to get a decent amount of sleep before you have to resume your travels. You say nothing to Zuko as you roll out your sleeping bag and immediately tuck yourself in for the night. However, due to the cool and frigid air, you find that you’re much to cold to be comfortable, and so you toss and turn for a good ten minutes.

“Cold?” Zuko asks gently.

“No, I just like to shiver in my sleeping bag for fun,” you retort sarcastically, and Zuko rolls his eyes. A small huff of air falls past your lips and it takes you a minute to muster up the will to apologize. “Sorry,” you grumble. “I’m very cold and tired.”

“Would you like me to help?” He offers carefully. A beat passes before he hears the sound of you shuffling around and pulling back the covers of your sleeping bag.

“This doesn’t mean anything,” you point out firmly, and the Prince bites back a smile as he crawls in beside you. Already you can feel the warmth that radiates off of his body, and you can’t stop the little sigh of contentment that escapes you when Zuko wraps his arms around your trembling figure and brings you into his chest.

“Better?”

“Much,” you hum softly, face nuzzling into the crook of his neck as you try to soak up as much heat as you can.

You hate to admit it, but you really missed being in Zuko’s embrace. He was warm and safe, and it reminded you of the times before when you had still been together. During the first few weeks of your separation you had struggled to fall asleep, not used to being on your own and definitely not used to the absence of warmth that often slept beside you. Sometimes you’d wonder if Zuko also lied awake at night seeking your comfort, but your anger was quick to remind you that he was the one who had left you in the first place. It was Zuko who made you second priority to the Avatar, and it was Zuko who chose to turn against you in Ba Sing Se. Shivers tingle down your spine, and this time it isn’t the cold that has you trembling. He betrayed you once, and he could betray you again.

Zuko falls fast asleep with you in his embrace, but you find that you can’t sleep at all.

~~~

The snowfall is light outside as you anxiously sit through your healing class, constantly glancing towards the doorway in hopes of spotting a Fire Nation ship. The Fire Lord was due for another visit today, and that meant you’d get to spend the day with Prince Zuko.

“Princess, pay attention,” the healer chides, and you sheepishly turn your gaze back to the old woman before you.

“Water is a powerful tool for benders, used to hurt and to heal,” she explains. “Water benders fight to protect themselves and those around them. Soldiers with this gift learn how to use their power to defend our home. But these same soldiers cannot use the bending they would use in a fight to heal a wound.“

The little girls around her watch in awe as the water in her palms glows a gentle hue. She smiles, gracefully swirling the water through the air.

“A rough hand will only bring more pain and heartache. But a gentle hand? A gentle hand can mend even the deepest of wounds. As healers you must remember this: You cannot bend something that is broken, but you can heal something that is hurt.”

You wake slowly, eyes gradually adjusting to the sunlight that shines against your fatigued face. The ground underneath you has been replaced by the leather of Appa’s saddle, and you find yourself warmly wrapped in Zuko’s cloak. The boy in question is seated at the reigns, navigating his way through the clouds and towards the abandoned colony.

“Zuko?” You yawn, catching the prince’s attention. He smiles faintly at the sight of you sleepily wrapping his cloak tighter around your form.

“Good morning,” he says. “I didn’t want to wake you but I know how important it is that we get to the Earth Kingdom as soon as possible. I hope you don’t mind.”

“I... I guess I don’t,” you mumble as you rub the sleep from your eyes before digging into your bag for some breakfast.

“We should be there in about an hour.”

You only nod, looking down at the peach in your hand contemplatively. What awaits you at the abandoned colony? Will it help you regain your bending? Will you like what you find?

The journey goes by quickly when you’re lost in your thoughts, and before you even realize it Appa has landed on the ground and Zuko is helping you off the saddle.

“Good boy, Appa,” you murmur affectionately, gently combing your fingers through his fur as you feed him an entire bag of fruit. “You can stay here for now.”

Leaving the flying bison behind Zuko and yourself walk the rest of the way, finally stumbling upon the exact location the Moon Spirit had given you: a cave entrance.

“Spirits, not another cave,” you groan, and from beside you Zuko blushes in uncomfortable embarrassment. With a heavy sigh you grab Zuko’s wrist and give it a shake until he gets the message, a small flame igniting in the palm of his hand. Holding onto his arm as if he’s your personal torch, you begin your descent through the cave. This better be good.

Unlike your secret tunnel, there’s nothing seemingly special about this cave. It’s dark and dirty not romantic whatsoever, which you figure is good because this isn’t a romantic trip anyway. You’re here per Princess Yue’s instructions only and nothing else, and if Zuko doesn’t like it you have no problem freezing his feet to the floor for what will probably be the thousandth time.

“What do you think you’ll find?”

“I’m not sure, but I’m hoping that whatever it is, it‘ll help my bending,” you murmur thoughtfully.

“Maybe we’ll find another secret tunnel,” Zuko jokes with a quiet laugh that immediately fizzles out at your unamused glare. “Sorry.”

“I doubt that stupid tunnel is even there anymore,” you grumble.

“It is... I checked,” the boy murmurs thoughtfully, causing you to halt in your tracks.

“What?”

“When I returned home from Ba Sing Se I went to Elza’s end of the tunnel and found it still intact. I knew there was no way you’d be there, but I traveled to our meeting point and stayed there,” he confesses quietly, eyes soft and apologetic as they turn to face you. You shift uncomfortably under his gaze and look forward, continuing your pace through the tunnel. “I’m really sorry for how much I’ve hurt you, y/n.”

“Why did you do it?” You question. Your voice is weak and frail and your eyes glisten with tears, and Zuko doesn’t think his heart can hurt any more than it does now. “After everything we’d been through and everything we’d accomplished together, why would you betray me like that? I loved you Zuko.”

“I-“

“And then to betray Iroh? Your own flesh and blood?”

“I know it was wrong, and I wish I could take everything back. I never stopped thinking about you y/n. Even when I was with Mai, all I could see was your face in the cave looking at me with disappointment and-“

“Wait a minute, who’s Mai?” You retort, pulling away from the fire bender to look up at him with furrowed brows. Zuko’s face flushes and immediate regret fills him at having mentioned the girl.

“I umm.. After we broke up, I kind of started seeing someone else,” he admits sheepishly whilst nervously grasping at the back of his neck. The sight of your complete rage and fury makes him wish he was being swallowed whole by an unagi instead of having to face an angry Princess.

“I can’t believe you!” You cry in outrage. “I spent weeks crying over you and you just moved on to another girl like nothing!”

“She didn’t mean anything, I promise-“

“I don’t want to hear it, get away from me!” You demand, picking up your pace to try and get away from him as quickly as you can, but Zuko is hot on your heels.

“Princess, please!” You try to freeze his feet to the floor and let out a frustrated growl as your bending fails you yet again. “Just let me explain!”

“No! I’m going to talk and you’re going to listen!” You command, angrily jabbing a finger at his chest. “I left my people, my family, for you. When you pushed me aside on your hunt for the Avatar, I stayed even though I was unhappy. I stood by you despite all the mean and cruel things you did because I knew deep in my heart that you were still the same Prince I fell in love with. And when we got to Ba Sing Se I thought we could finally have the life we had planned together. Working in your uncle’s tea shop, taking walks through the upper ring at night, being able to enjoy myself without having to worry about what terrible thing you’d do next made me the happiest I’d ever been.”

“And then you threw it all away. For what? Honor? Approval from the man who abused you? Using my bending against you was the hardest thing I’d ever done in my entire life, yet you seemed to have no problem with fighting me the minute Azula asked you to. I knew then that you weren’t Zuko, not the Zuko I fell in love with.”

Tears steadily stream down both of your faces, your throat is raw and sore from yelling but you don’t care. You’re angry, you’re upset, you’re hurt, and you’re afraid of the emotions festering inside of you. But you also feel good, like a weight is slowly being lifted off of you.

“And then to hear you moved on to someone else so quick as if I meant nothing to you?!”

“I’m sorry,” Zuko offers weakly.

“You betrayed me, you broke my trust, you broke my heart, but no matter how hard I try I can’t bring myself to hate you because I love you Zuko! Despite it all I love you more than I’ve ever loved anything or anyone, and when I think about where we came from and where we are now I-I just...”

You burst into a fit of tears and welcome Zuko’s comforting arms that wrap around your figure and squeeze you so tightly to his chest. Your shoulders shake with each sob that falls past your lips, your hands clutch tightly at the fabric of his robes, and you bury your face into his chest to muffle your sobs. The boy says nothing for a long time, only holding you and soothing you to the best of his abilities as you let out all of your hurt, anger, and sorrow.

“I’m sorry I never realized how special you were and how much I truly needed you. Nothing I say can ever undo the hurt I’ve caused you, but I’ll do anything to show you just how much you mean to me. I love you y/n, you’re my other half. Uncle always said our love was a balance of yin and yang, and he was right.” You watch through your tears as Zuko takes both of your hands in his own and gives them a gentle squeeze. “Please, Princess.”

You sniffle, blinking away the tears as you gaze up at Zuko’a pleading gaze. The tricky proverb comes to mind again, only this time it isn’t as tricky. Ever since Zuko joined the Gaang you’d done everything in your power to keep him away to protect yourself, but it only made your heartbreak worse. Defensive maneuvers wouldn’t ease your pain, but offensive would. You cannot bend something that is broken, but you can heal something that is hurt. The water bender in you wanted to push him out, but the healer inside of you knew that this moment in the cave was exactly what you needed to finally feel okay again.

Without responding, you simply lean up and press your lips against Zuko’s in a loving kiss. His hands come to rest upon your tear stained cheeks as he bring you closer, kissing you so desperately it’s almost as if he’ll die if he doesn’t have his lips upon yours. The tunnel around you begins to glow, but you don’t realize this until after you’ve pulled away from each other. A tearful smile graces your lips and Zuko finds himself swooping in for another quick kiss.

“I know why the Moon Spirit sent us here,” you sniffle. “I know where we are now.”

“You do?”

“When I was younger my mother would threaten to send me to the cave of truths whenever I told a lie. It was a magical cave said to not only pull out the most personal truths of anyone who set foot inside but also grant them a lesson in exchange for their truth. My truth was my love for you, Zuko, and I learned that shutting you out is never going to fix things. Only by letting you in again, by allowing you the chance to redeem yourself, will we be able to fix our broken hearts.”

With a gentle smile, you pull the droplets of water from the air that surrounds you and swirl them gently in the palm of your hand until they freeze into snowflakes. Zuko watches in awe as the snow takes the shape of a butterfly, its wings flapping elegantly as it lands on the tip of his nose.

“My bending is back.” Zuko smiles.

“And so are you.”

~~~

The Gaang is waiting for you when you return, astonished at the sight of your intertwined hands and happy smiles on your features.

“What happened to you two?” Suki asks.

“Life changing field trip,” you reply with a simple shrug, smiling as Zuko wraps an arm around your waist and presses a kiss to the top of your head.

“Aw man, you guys are giving me the oogies,” Sokka groans only for Katara to elbow his side.

“What changed?” Aang asks, prompting you and Zuko to exchange glances.

“Our relationship has a really good track record with secret tunnels,” you giggle.

“We’re both ready to start over,” Zuko says. “It’s going to take some time for things to be normal again, but we’ll get there.”

“I’m really happy for you guys,” Katara smiles gently.

“Yeah, I was getting kind of sick of the two of you moping around,” Toph grins, and you can’t help but return the smile.

You’ve got a long journey of healing ahead of you, but with Zuko finally back by your side you know you can accomplish anything.

| tags: @titaniafire @dekahg @emberislandplayers @kikaninchen-2 @multi-fandomstan @eridanuswave @royahllty @lozzybowe @izzieserra @melacholy @music-geek19 @thia-aep @thyunnamed @kittenthekat1234567890 @haylaansmi @nataliahaslosthershit @coldlilheart @idkdude776 @aangsupremacy @thirstyforsometea @ihaveaproblem98 |

[maivalkov]

I have seen not long ago a post about "spain's dark side" so...your opinion about that? (I kinda have a feeling of knowing why himaruya came up with that and, if I am right, I am not sure if I like it. It's not that I don't like the dark side thing, but if the reason is what I think, then I don't fancy it)

Great question! Please excuse the length of this response in advance, and if I go off on any tangents. To directly answer your question: I have a horrible feeling that Dark Spain is inspired by the Spanish Black Legend/La leyenda negra, and I don't like that at all. You've really hit on an important topic here, so I'm going to extend this discussion. I call this upcoming piece: Why I don't like Dark Spain and why we, as fans and creators, need to be mindful of how we enjoy our beloved series.

Side note before we begin: I'm going to be talking from a writer's perspective, since this is what I mostly do. My opinion is just that, nothing more. Some will agree with me, others won't, and that's okay. If you're happy with the terms, let's crack on.

Part 1: "Dark" characters I'm not against 2P or "dark" versions of a character if it's required for a particular setting. Let me show you what I mean, using some fic plots I just pulled from my head: Example one: You've got this gritty, fantasy gangster city plot. You use a real city as your location, but the characters are human. Antonio's the leader of a huge criminal organisation and therefore he will do incredibly bad things. It's trigger warnings ahoy. Is this portrayal okay? Sure. (read on before you hit that reply button) Example two: You're writing a horror fic. Antonio's a sexy merman who's more likely to decorate his cave with your entrails, than serenade you on a beach. Is this plot fine? Absolutely. It's dark af, but you're writing sexy merman horror. It kinda’ comes with the territory. Did you see how I wrote "fantasy" and "human" in bold? And did you see that I used Antonio, not Spain? There's a reason. I personally believe in this: When your story uses Hetalia characters in their human form (i.e: Antonio is just Antonio, he does not represent Spain), there's much more freedom and flexibility. I've read many excellent works with darker themes who use real locations alongside human versions of the characters, and do so brilliantly. They're wonderful stories, and they don't cause harm. They're fiction. Fantasy. Fiction. Did I mention fiction? On the flip side: When we are writing the characters as country personifications, who represent the people and the history, we must take proper precaution. The same applies to writing about historical events. (To be continued down below.)

Part 2: Dark Spain

As someone who's been in fandom 10+ years now, my problem with Dark Spain is this: a number of creators back in the old days seemed to agree with my Black Legend theory/concerns, and yet they willingly made content for it. Not everybody did this, but I certainly saw some who thought "wow dark crazy Spain because Inquisition", applied it to certain ships because "ohh angst leads to romance, what a plot" and that is wrong on so many levels. If you know the Spanish Black Legend, then you know how bad this is. It's an incredibly difficult topic because it is, in the simplest sense, massive propaganda designed to seriously damage a country's image. I welcome Spanish input on this, but personally I think using this as some edgy portrayal of Antonio in your fics is insulting. Don't bloody well do it.

(Please note that the fandom is MUCH better now, but it doesn't change the fact it has, and could still happen. I used past tense for a reason, as I do think things are improving.)

Russia is another character which suffers this treatment, and I do think we have a responsibility to be considerate. Many countries have done awful things, mine (the UK) included, and yet our characters have escaped receiving this Dark persona. It's not fair, it really isn't. It's a poor judgment call on Himaruya's behalf if my theory is true. If I'm wrong, then this argument is void. Either way I feel like Himaruya should've specified how and why Dark Spain came about. Part 3: Historical writing

Here's where it gets interesting. I'm not saying "don't write historical hetalia fanfiction", and I never will say it because historical fiction exists. You can go in your local bookshop and boom, people are making real money off it.

I'm not one of those lucky sorts, but I am contributing to that genre myself. Despite lots of magic, fantasy and general artistic license, my story Gatito can be considered historicaI.

It's set in England, 1569. Spain and the Netherlands are two of the main characters, and yes, their conflict is referenced. It coincides with the timeline, and all the while I write them as personifications, I can't pretend that tension between them doesn't exist. If I did, that'd probably be even more insulting to their history, and no doubt confusing for the reader.

The main plot is a daft mash of Arthur misusing his magic, a vile fictional man from Antonio's court who wants his head, and poor Netherlands and Portugal get wrapped up in the drama along the way.

The Dutch conflict is featured, but not the plot. The event is occurring right in the middle of a fictional disaster which Antonio is trying to overcome. It's acknowledged, but it's on the side, to put it simply.

I use human names (Antonio and Abel) and explore that situation from an emotional, human perspective. I do not claim that Abel is a victim, and no one thinks he is either. Personal HC time here: I don't think any of the characters look back at their history and think "wow, poor me". Everyone's made mistakes, and they've all played a role in hurting someone else. My history teacher once told me this: The more you look, the more you see. There's many sides to a story, and even to this day, I doubt historians have truly, faithfully documented events so that it's fair on every nation involved. That's why we need to try and learn history from multiple perspectives, and why when writing hetalia characters during a historical event, we should show the reader as many viewpoints as possible. If you don't, then... well. I frown at you. More on this in part 4.

Part 4: Conclusion/advice

I won't pretend to be a saintly figure in the fandom, and this rant is a bit of a mess, but I hope you get what I'm on about. Thank you if you're still reading.

I'm going to finish with a bit of advice that has helped me have a positive time, and allowed me to create works for a series I really love:

1- If your story is historical, and you purposely want to paint a country in a bad light, think before you do. Don't slander another country for the sake of your comfort character or ship. If your story is set during a battle then yes, they can moan about the opposition, but don’t go hardcore. You know what I mean.

2- Research, research, research.

3- You want to write a particular character. Their human name is unconfirmed, or you don't know a part of their history, but you want to write about it. What should you do? Talk. I had this very dilemma regarding Portugal's surnames, and I just asked Portuguese mutuals on Tumblr for help. I received numerous valid responses in under an hour, and I felt better for it. 10/10 highly recommend.

4- If you've gotta' write Dark Spain: Keep. It. Fictional. If you don't believe my theory behind it, cool, crack on. But if you agree with me, then yeah, I've said it enough. Respect the country.

5- DO explore history. It's fascinating.

6- If you write historical hetalia and you feel that something might be misunderstood: PLEASE USE DISCLAIMERS, END NOTES ETC. I write number 6 from experience. There is a scene in Gatito where a significantly stressed Antonio attempts to summarise the Dutch conflict. He's being blamed for countless fictional issues, and rather than think things through, he blames himself for Abel's pain as well. He does it on a purely emotional basis. Have you ever had that really bad day, and things keep getting worse? Someone comes along and says "you did x y z and I'm mad", and rather than argue your side, you accept it?

That's Antonio in that scene. I know it is, because that's how I intended it to be read. His answer is flawed, to say the least, but in his human heart, he can't help it. I used the end notes as a warning/apology/explanation for this scene. I don't want it to be misinterpreted, and I don't want to disrespect Spanish history.

7- If someone does comment/ask about a sensitive, historical part of your work: don't rant. And don't get offended. I believe we all need to talk more. Have conversations about HCs, how we would write/imagine different scenes, and use it to improve your work.

8- Have fun, and be sensible. Thank you again for reading, I hope this helps to some extent. I know I've thrown my opinion out here, but if you strongly disagree with me, don't @. Move on, embrace what you believe, and everyone's a winner. (This really should've been number 9 on the list haha.)

[freckledoriya]

“flowers” deku x reader fic

Word count: 1.7k

Warnings: none, just some fluff!

On your first day working at the agency office, your manager made sure to tell you some words of advice: “don’t fall for the heroes.” But it was too late. Before she got the chance to tell you that, Izuku Midoriya held the door for you, and as soon as you saw those green eyes, freckles, and smile-- the game was over. 

Working at the agency that represented the number one hero had its perks: recognition, a nice paycheck, good workplace, but your favorite was being able to watch Deku go in and out of the office throughout the week. You always made sure to catch his eye and give him a quick wave hello. When you first started this routine, it took Izuku a couple weeks before he began to stop turning pink and almost tripping over himself when he saw you greeting him. Part of you wanted to take his flustered disposition as flattery, but your coworkers quickly stopped that train in its tracks.

“He’s like that with every girl,” they informed you. 

It hurt to feel what little hope you had that the hero was into you be stomped out like a small fire. Still, it didn’t change the way his smile never failed to make your heart soar. Your small talk conversations about the weather were always the highlight of your week, and you consistently caught yourself daydreaming about what it would feel like to run your hands through his green curls. Every time you saw him being assigned to a particularly vicious villain, you never slept well-- always tossing and turning, worrying about not being able to hear his infectious laugh ever again. You had it bad for the number one hero, Izuku Midoriya.

But you knew it was hopeless. That title of being number one hero would get stuck in your head like a bad pop song. You couldn’t help but compare the successful, strong, attractive hero to you: a rather plain-looking office worker who could barely afford her studio apartment. It didn’t help that your quirk of being able to grow tiny flowers out of the palm of your hand proved to be anything but useful. In what reality would a guy like Izuku be interested in someone like you?

You ponder this most of your Friday, putting you in a funk and distracting you from the work you were assigned. Once 5:00pm rolls around, you’re already on your way out, coming to terms with the fact that once again, your unrequited feelings toward Deku resulted in another day of self-hatred. Because you were so wrapped up in these feelings and thoughts, it takes you till 9:00pm to realize that you left your laptop at the office.

You’re already situated in your sweatpants, so the prospect of going back to the office doesn’t have much appeal. But the lack of work you got accomplished today meant that it would have to be made up during the weekend, so you really had no other choice but to grab your keys and head back into the city. 

When you enter the office, you immediately see a light on and hear someone rummaging around in the cabinets. You cover your mouth with your hand and hide behind the corner, trying to regulate your breathing. There’s been a particularly violent villain on the loose in this part of the city, and you know your useless quirk would never stand a chance against him. As you pull out your phone to call the police, you hear a familiar voice from inside curse as things topple from the top of the shelves. 

“Hello?” you say out loud and turn the corner. You instantly spot Izuku trying to balance on one leg as he attempts to clean and wrap up a nasty wound on his right leg. But right when he hears you call out, he instantly falls over, prompting you to swiftly run over to him to help him back to his feet.

“I’m so, so sorry,” you stutter, feeling awful that you caught the injured hero off-guard, causing him to stumble.

“Oh, it-it’s okay!” he tries to respond back cheerfully, fighting against the pang in his leg. “Not your fault! I shouldn’t be in here anyway.”

“You can’t even bandage yourself right now,” you comment, looking at him struggling. “Here, let me help you.”

You wrap your arms around his body to help lead him over to a chair. The second your hand touches him you hear his breath get caught in his throat, seemingly overwhelmed by the fact that you’re so close.

He’s like that with every girl, you remind yourself. 

“Why are you here? you ask, looking at the gaping cut on his lower calf. “Shouldn’t you get a doctor to patch you up?” 

Izuku furrows his brow. “I’m the number one hero, I can handle this myself.”

You instantly regret ever opening your mouth, fearing that you may have just offended the man you’ve been pinning after for what seems like forever. 

“O-oh, I’m so so sorry. I mean, of course you can handle it,” you stutter, desperately trying to salvage what little coworker rapport you had with him. 

Deku looks impossibly upset once he hears you apologize. “No, no, no, I didn’t mean it like that!” He sighs and takes a seat. “I just mean… I should be able to handle anything. I’m supposed to be better than this.”

Hearing this confession seemingly tears your chest open. For the first time, you’re looking at the number one hero Deku and not seeing the untouchable God-like human that the media, your coworkers, and even you have made him out to be. In front of you, you see someone who is being suffocated by all the pressure and expectations. He thinks that he needs to be nothing short of perfect in order to matter. You were used to that feeling as well.

“You can’t be perfect all the time, Izuku,” you say, inadvertently lowering your voice to almost a whisper. 

He looks at you in shock. “You… you know my name?!”

You can’t help but let out a laugh, and all the nerves you were feeling pour out of you. Why was this famous pro-hero that you worked with surprised that you knew his name? Was he really that humble?

“Of course I know your name! I do work here with you after all.”

Izuku looks disappointed once you say that last part. “Oh. Right. Of course.”

He’s like that with every girl. The line repeats every time you think you get a glimpse that he may be interested in you. You try to shake your head clear as you kneel next to him to wrap his leg.

“You do as much as you can, and that’s what matters,” you say. “You help so many people every day and never give up. Being the symbol of peace isn’t about being perfect. It’s about standing up for what’s right and being the best version of yourself.”

He smiles and your heart skips a beat. Every fiber of your being just wants to reach out and touch his cheek, kiss him until he sees how incredible he already is. But you know better. The number one hero with an everyday office worker? It would never happen. 

You sigh sadly. “At least you get to make a difference with your power. I’m jealous of that.”

“You don’t have a quirk?” Izuku asks, his eyes softening as he looks at you.

Letting out a breath, you open your palm. “No, I have one. It’s just not particularly useful in any way.”

Focusing all your energy into your hand, you use your power to create a small flower right in the center of your palm. You pluck it out and hand it to the hero next to you, prompting his cheeks to turn pink. 

“I can only create little ones like that, and it takes a lot of energy,” you say as Deku carefully examines the flower you gave him. “When I was little I thought that it would grow and evolve into something big and cool, like I would be able to create vines that could wrap up a villain, but... it never changed.”

You run your fingers across your open palm, trying to shift your focus to keeping the tears that were forming from falling. You had come to terms with your quirk a while back, but sitting next to probably one of the most powerful men in the world made you feel like dust. 

“I had to start working at this agency just to feel like I was somehow a hero. But I know I’m actually pretty insignificant, especially when compared to you.”

Izuku quickly grabs your open hand before you get the chance to close it. You’re shocked at this uncharacteristically forward gesture, but allow him to stare intently at your palm before shifting his eyes up to you. 

“There’s no person, quirk or not, that’s insignificant… especially not you.” 

His words wash over you like a refreshing wave of cool water on the hottest day of the year. You didn’t know how parched you were for validation until you were given it, shown so much acceptance from your long-time crush. It was overwhelming, and for the life of you, you couldn’t find the right words to say in response, expecting to wake up from this dream at any moment.

A beat of silence passes, and suddenly Izuku holds out the flower you gave to him. “Will you go on a date with me?”

Now you’re sure you’re dreaming.

His face turns an inhuman shade of red and the hand holding the flower out to you starts to shake. “I, uh, know we’ve never talked that much besides the usual office small talk but I’ve always kind of liked you and have been wanting to ask you out for a while now but of course I didn’t know you were interested, well, I guess I still don’t know if you’re interested but for some reason this seemed like the right time to ask, well in retrospect I’m not sure anymore and I-”

You cut off his muttering with a kiss, feeling his body reflexively tense before completely melting into your touch. 

If you really are dreaming, then you pray to every god in existence that you’ll never awaken. 

[asthmark]

❝ let’s dance ❞ s.jh

synopsis → “i’m gonna marry you.”

request → “How about Johnny fluff partying time and the concept theme is the 80s” — @heart-bleeding-autism-angel​

word count → 2.5k

a/n → the amount of googling i did for this is scary .. and i still know literally nothing abt the 80’s LOL anyway the title is my fav david bowie song that happened to be released in ‘83 and it kind of fits the the fic so,,, cool :-)

the moonlight shines through your window, casting it’s heavenly glow on your face. despite the late hour, it illuminates your entire room enough that you can read the time off the clock hanging on your wall.

11:55 p.m.

if they decide to be on time, your friends should be arriving in five minutes.

you retreat from your windowsill to prepare yourself. you stop in front of your closet, staring at the array of clothing. it takes you a couple moments to pick something you liked. you, of course, wanted to impress johnny, the self proclaimed fashion evaluator, but there was no better feeling than knowing you looked good.

you settle on a cozy turtleneck and your favorite mini skirt. then you pull on a pair of tube socks and slip on your prized white sneakers. for the final touch, you slide on a thin buckle belt through the loops of your skirt to tie it all together.

you smile satisfactorily at your reflection in the mirror and what was sure to be your best outfit yet. besides being well-put together, it felt comfortable enough to move around in and you knew you would surely be doing much moving that night.

once the clock strikes midnight, you notice  light flash into your room. since it’s brighter than that of the moon, you know exactly who must be behind it. even if you didn’t, the hushed chatter and giggling from outside your window gives it away. you peer down into your backyard to find sicheng and jaehyun standing there, flashlights in hand and aimed directly into your bedroom.

you hastily wave your hands at them, your face twisted with worry. they wave back at you with goofy smiles on their faces, oblivious to your concern.

“cut the lights!” you hiss as silently as you can.

they finally seem to get the hint and click them off. jaehyun shouts back, “sorry!” accompanied by a laugh sicheng has failed to contain. you wince at their volume. there was no keeping them quiet so you decide your only option is to move as fast as you possibly can.

you carefully push one leg out of your window. it dangles above the roof of the front porch and you slowly lower it onto the tile. once you’ve successfully planted half of yourself on the roof, you bring your other leg down. this action is followed by a slight creek but you don’t even bother hesitating. you crouch down to the edge of the house and repeat the previous steps, this time landing on the front steps of your porch.

“that was smooth!” jaehyun exclaims in awe.

you bring a finger to your lips but still can’t help but smile at the praise.

“you’re like a ninja,” adds sicheng. “or a cat.” he pauses, deep in thought, before concluding, “you’re a ninja cat.”

you raise a brow. “you’ve both been drinking, haven't you?”

“no.”

“yes.”

“i’m gonna have to believe jae on this one,” you say, observing the way sicheng’s eyelids droop and he slurs his words. “you couldn’t have waited ‘til we got to the club?”

he whines like a child. “i was thirsty!”

you clamp your hand over his mouth and scold him. “why do you feel the need to be so loud? do you want me to get caught?”

jaehyun hiccups. “aren’t you glad i’m an introvert? i’ll never get you in trouble.”

you laugh dryly. “sure, you’re all introverted until you find some random chick to grind on.”

he pouts. “let me have fun.”

“it’s fun until you spill your drink on her and i have to help clean—oh come on, sicheng, did you just lick me?” you remove your hand from his mouth only to find a big smile on his lips.

“perhaps.”

“god, let’s just go. where’s johnny parked?”  

“end of the street.”

you go in said direction with your two friends trailing behind you, messing around all the while. the three of you only stop when you catch sight of johnny’s shiny black convertible. you approach the vehicle and when he notices you, he smiles and shoots you a wink.

“you’re such a flirt,” you comment, opening the door to the passenger's seat.  

he shrugs. “but you still fell in love with me so i’d say it’s worked out pretty well up until this point.”

you’re about to respond when jaehyun interrupts. “hey, i wanted to ride shotgun!”

“me too!” agrees sicheng. “y/n always gets it!”

johnny glares at the pair through the rear view mirror. “and that’s how i like it so get in the backseat or you’re walking.”

they mumble what you assume are complaints yet still get in the car.

johnny revs up the engine but before you go anywhere he makes an announcement. “and if either of you are going to vomit again, all i ask is that you don’t do it in here. my dad just bought me this bad boy.”

a chuckle escapes your lips.

“what are you laughing about over there?”

you lean back against the headrest, smile still present. “we literally have two kids.”

“basically. but hey, there’s no one else i’d rather babysit two grown men with than you.”

“stop, i’m blushing,” you deadpan.

johnny’s shoulders shake with laughter at your sarcasm. “seriously, though! you really know how to take care of someone. one day, if i’m lucky enough, i’ll be able to see that up close.”

you know exactly what he means by that last statement—he was thinking of a future with you. the last thing you want to do is burst his bubble but you knew how your parents felt about your relationship. they thought you could do better than ‘some football player from your school’. they had friends with young, stuck up sons who, according to them, were more fit for you. despite being told countless times how happy johnny made you, they paid you no mind.

you nod, sincerely. “i hope so.”

he places his hand on your thigh, rubbing reassuring circles into your skin. you stay like that for the entire drive.

once you finally reach your destination, you leave all doubt and anxiety surrounding your relationship with johnny in the car along with any other negativity. the flashing lights and loud music you could hear even from outside the club excites you and you’re left with no choice but to discard all of your worries. you never got tired of seeing the glowing, neon sign letting you know that you had arrived at the hottest hang out spot there was—the neo zone.

as soon as you step inside, sicheng’s face contorts in displeasure. “i’m, uh, going to the bathroom.” he carelessly pushes past strangers, clutching his stomach.

you notice jaehyun has disappeared as well. before you can ask, you spot him on the dance floor, inserting himself in some line dance he obviously isn’t familiar with. his limbs move awkwardly and completely out of sync with the rest of the group. he recieves multiple strange looks and you can’t help but cringe.

“where did we go wrong with them?”

johnny’s laugh can hardly be heard over the booming bass of a song. “couldn’t tell you that, sugar. let’s just hope the next ones come out better.”

there he goes again, talking about your oh-so-promising future. you were still unsure if you would be able to grant johnny the picture perfect life he constantly spoke about. whenever he referenced it, you felt slightly guilty.

instead of acknowledging his comment, you glance around, looking anywhere but him. “want to get a drink?”

he simply nods, placing his hand in the small of your back as you weave your way through the crowd to the bar.

he leans on the counter and orders, “one long island iced tea, please.”

“you know my order?” you ask, pleasantly surprised.

“sweetheart, you get it everytime we come here. and that’s often.”

you still beam at him. “it’s still nice. you know, that you notice those things.”

“everything about you is worth noticing. besides, what kind of boyfriend would i be if i didn’t?”

you press a quick kiss to his cheek to show him how grateful you are.

“you really have to work on your aim because you completely missed your target that time.” he teasingly taps his lips.

you roll your eyes with a giggle. “never satisfied, are you, suh?”

“you owe me, just sayin’.”

“oh yeah?”

“totally! i let you sit shotgun!”

“i was the only thing standing in the way of sicheng throwing up all over your dashboard, you should be thanking me!”

johnny presses a kiss to your lips. it’s so unexpected yet enjoyable that you can’t stop your eyes from fluttering shut in bliss. he only pulls away to take a breath of air.

he licks his lips. “how was that?”

you brush imaginary dust off your skirt. “probably the best ‘thank you’ i’ve ever received.”

“says you. i can't get enough of those lips of yours.”

you fiddle with your belt. “nobody's stopping you from getting your fill.”

“you’re going to be the death of me, young lady.”

seconds later, the bartender slides you your drink. “here’s your drink, young lady.” he gives johnny a knowing smile and not-so-subtle thumbs up. “what a pretty little thing you got there.”

you know his words aren’t meant for your ears so you avert your eyes and take small sips of your drink.

“thank you, sir. i couldn’t agree more.”

“you know, me and my wife met in this club. just like you two.”

“we’ve actually known each other for a couple years.”

the man’s eyes widen in surprise. “well, look at you. already ahead of the game. you love her?”

johnny doesn’t hesitate to nod. “very much. the only issue is her folks don’t seem to be too crazy about me. they have a long list of suitors, myself excluded.”

you frown and trace the rim of your glass. that never got any easier for you to hear.  

the man nods, understandingly. “i see. well, in that case, you might have to wait. you said you love her and until you get to be together—which you will—keep loving her. that’ll make the time you spend waiting go by like this.” he snaps his fingers to prove his point.

johnny nods, a genuine smile appearing on his face. “i appreciate the advice. thank you.”

the bartender gives him a curt nod and goes back to tending to the other demanding customers.

before johnny gets a chance to say anything, you ask, “do you wanna dance with me?”

his grin widens. “always.”

you take his hand in yours and lead him to the dance floor. it’s full, as always, multiple bodies pressed up against each other. you waste no time joining in.

your hands end up on his broad shoulders, fingers toying with the hair on the nape of his neck and his grip ends up on your hips. the songs played at club neo zone always had a strong bass and energetic vibe so you both match that rhythm, moving to the intense heartbeat of the music. you gaze up at johnny, admiring his good looks even under the glow of the disco lights that colored him shades of bright pink, blue and green.

“what are you looking at, pretty girl?”

“just your face. i like it.”

he hums. “mm, i’m glad. i do too.”

“like my face?”

“no, mine.”

you shove his shoulder, playfully.

he chuckles. “you know i’m joking. you’re the most beautiful thing i’ve ever seen.”

you suddenly find your shoes to be very interesting and stare down at them, smiling sheepishly.

“c’mon, don’t get all shy on me now.”

you giggle. “quit it.”

he glides his hands up and down your sides. “i’m serious, darling. it must’ve taken all my luck to get you.”

“i could say the same thing. there’s no one i’d rather be with than you, john.”

his dimples appear at the compliment and he goes in for a bear-like hug. he cradles your shoulders and rests his chin on top of your head as both you sway.

“i’m gonna marry you.”

you’re not sure what about this statement catches you most off guard. maybe it’s the way that there’s no teasing tone in his voice or perhaps the fact that he has decided to say this in the middle of the dance floor, of all places.

you catch your lower lip in between your teeth. “i’m sorry we have to wait.”

“i’ll wait forever, babygirl, if that’s what it takes. and so what if your parents don’t want that. if one day you’ll let me wake up next to you and have a family with you, i’ll be happy.”

you feel butterflies fluttering in your stomach at his sweet words. “i can't wait.”

with the hope of a future together, you and johnny happily dance the rest of the night away. once the party dies down and the crowd shrinks with every song that passes, your bodies are left sweaty and tired. you agree it’s time to go home.

you spot jaehyun in the back of the club and it takes a lot of effort to drag him off his latest girl interest. he blows her kisses as you yank him away, promising her a phone call in the morning. you’re pretty sure he’s lying.

sicheng is found passed out in the restroom, snoring heavily.

“has he been here this whole time?” you ask with a grunt as you attempt to hoist him up.

johnny shrugs as he helps you lift. “i find it's better to not ask questions.”

you nod in agreement. “fair.”

the car ride is silent mostly thanks to sicheng being knocked out. jaehyun sits quietly as well, staring out the window. johnny decides to drop them off first. you stop in front of the jung residence. as you watch the brunette struggle to open the door with one hand and hold sicheng’s unconscious figure in the other, you can’t help but wonder, “is it really a good idea to leave him with jae? i mean, that’s like telling a toddler to look after an infant.”

“if i left him at his house i’m pretty sure his old man would ground him for the rest of his life. jae’s folks are always out of town.”

with that reassurance, you drive off, your next destination being your house. johnny parks exactly where he did at the beginning of the night, just to be safe.

he rests his hands on the steering wheel. “want me to walk you?”

you shake your head. “that’s alright. if i get caught, i’d rather it not be with you. i’d never hear the end of it.”

“yeah, i get it. one day, though, we won’t have to worry about it.” as if to promise you his words are true, he hands you his letterman jacket. it was his prized possession and he was never seen without it. “here, take this. wear it when i can't be with you.”

you nod, clutching the clothing item close to your chest. “i will.”

he leans over as far as his seatbelt allows him to give you the last kiss of the night. it ends too fast for the both of you. you exit his car and walk down the sidewalk towards your house.

johnny watches you through his rear view mirror and smiles to himself when he catches you pull on his jacket.

[twstarchives]

Cater Diamond・Voice Lines

Additional Voice Lines: Beans Camo Event Card

School Uniform - R

Unlock Card “Wanna know some tips for having a fun life at school? I got you covered!”

Groovy “You gotta be full of energy when you’re with everyone ♪”

Home Setting “I kinda like the standard outfit.”

Home Transitions “Mm! The first-years’ uniforms always look so shiny and new.”

“Riddle’s calling for me. Wanna come with me?”

“Wait, are you free? Same here! So, anyway~ Do you have any Magicammable news to spill?”

Home Transition (Login Greeting) “Were you sad that you weren’t able to see Cay? ...Ahaha! I knew it. You’re so honest, Prefect~”

Home Taps “Our schools uniforms have a nice balance to them~ They’re not extra like our dorm uniforms, but they’re not too casual either.”

“Okay, pose! ...Aw, man! It came out blurry. Can I take one more? I want to post it on Magicam.”

“Huh? You think I look cool in my uniform? Ehh~! Where’s this coming from? You’re making me smile ♪”

“Sometimes it’s hard to tell what you’re thinking all the time, Prefect. ...Me? Aren’t I super easy to read~?”

“Hey, you know... you didn’t forget that I’m your senior, did you? JK! ♪ I probably shouldn’t ever do that to Riddle.”

PE Uniform - R

Unlock Card “Glistening sweat! Surging with youth! ...I’m kinda meh about these kinds of things.”

Groovy “I’m always down for an aesthetic-looking sport! ♪ Play with me, Prefect!”

Home Setting “Alright, our PE uniform!”

Home Transitions “I’ve got things to do too, you know! Huh? ‘Like what?’ Like... looking for stuff to post on Magicam!”

“Prefect, your collar, your collar! I saw Riddle nearby, so maybe you should hurry up and fix that.”

“Coach Vargas’s classes are so exhausting, aren’t they? I get it; I felt that way when I was a first-year too.”

Home Transition (Login Greeting) “You can find a lot of different ways to wear our PE uniforms. Hmm~ The way you wear yours is nice!”

Home Taps “You don’t need to force yourself to use honorifics with me. I don’t really mind things like that. Plus it’s easier that way, right?”

“What is it? What is it? You’re worried about something? I could never turn my back on my cute little junior if they’re in need~”

“Have you gotten used to life at this school yet? It’s really interesting with all the weird people here. Kinda feels like a gold mine of things to use for Magicam ♪”

“Athletics...? I’m not bad at them, but I don’t know how anyone could get so pumped up about them.”

“Wait, is this a popular game right now? Don’t tell me I’m late on the bandwagon!?”

Lab Coat - SR

Unlock Card “Even studying can be a blast when it looks fun and photogenic!”

Groovy “Let’s take things nice and slow! You’ll burn yourself out if you’re only ever working too hard.”

Home Setting “Alright, let’s get to work!”

Home Transitions “Hehe, do you need your senior’s advice on something? Okay, okay, relax and talk it out with me ♪”

“‘What am I usually doing?’ Mm, that’s a secret. No, I’m not free all the time! Cay is very, very busy!”

“What’re you doing today? If you’re free, then let me invite you on Cay’s Tour for Collecting Stuff for Magicam ♪”

Home Transition (Login Greeting) “There’s someone better suited to help you with your work if that’s what you need. How about you go see Trey?”

Home Transition (Groovy) “So? I look a lot more serious than usual, don’t I? Ehh~! What’s with that reaction!? I’ll have to show you my actual serious side sometime.”

Home Taps “You seem to have a lot of time on your hands, Prefect. Are you all ready for class?”

“Looking aesthetic for Magicam is important. They say that having things you’re mindful of makes your everyday life a lot fuller!”

“Dedication is not a bad thing, but you need to give yourself a break sometimes too. See? Look how relaxed Grim is...”

“Prefect, you should focus only on the important things for your future~ Just like I do ♪”

“What? What? Are you homesick? I don’t think I can really relate to that~...”

Home Tap (Groovy) “Everyday has been so exciting ever since you came here. It never gets boring.”

Ceremony Robes - SR

Unlock Card “I like to try looking sharp every once in a while ♪ What do you think? Personally, I think it fits!”

Groovy “Our special ceremony robes! Let’s take a pic together to commemorate ♪”

Home Setting “How do I look? Handsome?”

Home Transitions “Are you interested in my robes? Wanna take a pic?”

“Does this look good on me? Sometimes looking formal like this is nice, don’t you think?”

“Hey, nice work today ♪ You can chill out for a little bit now~ I’m taking some downtime myself.”

Home Transition (Login Greeting) “What? Something happened again? Things are always so busy around you, Prefect~”

Home Transition (Groovy) “Your belt’s a little out of place. Alright, there you go. These are our special ceremony robes, so make sure you keep them looking picture-perfect, ‘kay?”

Home Taps “Man, our ceremony robes seriously are so cool~ When the whole school is lined up wearing them, it feels super powerful!”

“Our robes look the best at nighttime, but trying to get the right lighting when I’m taking pictures of them is seriously the worst...”

“What? What? You wanna know more about me? Mm, what should I say~?”

“Let’s talk about all kinds of things! You look like you’re full of interesting things I could post about.”

“I know. I know you want so desperately for Cay to fawn over you. But could you calm down just a little?”

Home Tap (Groovy) “Alright, you’ve got some new problem to solve, right? Well, even if you don’t, I’ll come with you anyway. ‘Cause it sounds like fun ♪”

Dorm Uniform - SSR

Unlock Card “You have to have fun with croquet and Unbirthday parties ♪”

“Everything’s alright now, ‘cause I’m here! Just kidding ♪”

Groovy “Do you want to see Cay’s serious side? Okay, if you insist!”

Home Setting “Our dorm uniforms really do fit the best.”

Home Transitions “Don’t get me involved in any trouble... Well, there’s not really any point in me saying that. You’re so hopeless, Prefect~”

“You called for me again? Hehe, I bet you often get comments about how curious you are~”

“Trey’s desserts are so Magicammable~ And they’re super delicious! Wanna come with me to go eat some, Prefect?”

Home Transition (Login Greeting) “Let’s make a memory of today—do a peace sign! ☆ Hehe, that was a nice shot! Okay, what tags should I use?”

Home Transition (Groovy) “Do you wanna secretly try on our dorm uniforms sometime? They might actually look good on you~”

Home Taps “Have you seen Heartslabyul’s lounge yet? You really can’t find decorations with an aesthetic like that anywhere else.”

“If you want to look fire in our dorm uniforms, you gotta know the latest trends! Maybe come shopping with me next time?”

“Have you ever noticed that the playing card pins on the left sides of our chests have a different design for each person? Tiny details like that are so cool ♪”

“Aren’t you homesick or anything? Hm? Me? I’m... not. I’ve got some unreasonable older sisters...”

“It’s nice you feel so comfortable around me... but don’t tell me you’re trying to bring down Cay’s dignity?”

Home Tap (Groovy) “It would’ve been so much fun if you were in Heartslabyul with us, Prefect. Well, there’s no point in talking about things that’ll never happen ♪”

Duo Magic Cater: “Trey, you ready~?” Trey: “Got it, Cater! Count on me to back you up!”

Birthday Celebration Outfit - SSR

This card was only obtainable during Cater’s birthday event (Feb 3 - Feb 9, 2021).

Login on Birthday “You remembered my birthday? Thanks! You’re so nice for coming to celebrate. I’m super happy, so let’s post on Magicam ♪ Okay, look this way~!”

Unlock Card “Wow! This is getting a super ton of views on Magicam! ☆ Birthday parties rake in so much attention!”

“‘Happy birthday’ is such a nice phrase~ It feels like the ones celebrating and the one being celebrated can both be happy, doesn’t it?”

Groovy “Okay, grab your glasses... Cheers~! Thanks for making my birthday so much fun ♪”

Home Setting “Wearing this outfit makes it really feel like it’s someone’s birthday~”

Home Transitions “Astrology’s my best subject! But I won’t do my own birthday fortune reading... ‘Cause it’s so much more exciting not knowing your future! ♪”

“Is the toothbrush Trey gave me his way of saying to take care of my fang tooth? Well, it is one of my charm points! ☆”

“We have lots of rules in our dorm, but it’s my birthday, so it’s okay if I break some! ...Probably not... Yeah... Boohoo.”

Home Transition (Login Greeting) “It feels so exciting with everyone celebrating! I think I’ll use my Unique Magic and make some clones to show off around the school.”

Home Transition (Groovy) “Just between you and me, keeping up a smile for the entirety of the party gets kind of tiring... Just kidding!”

Home Taps “Idia gave me Magicam stickers as a present! I don’t know what anime they’re from, but I’m happy! ♪”

“Maybe Vil would follow my Magicam if I asked for that instead of a birthday present~”

“I got a skateboard from Kalim. ☆ He said he’s pretty good at skateboarding too, so next time we’ll go do it together!”

“My dorm made me a bright red, diamond-shaped quiche! It was filled with habaneros. I love super spicy foods so it was perfect ♪”

“My rosette was crooked? Thanks for fixing it~!”

Home Tap (Groovy) “I kinda wanna make some noise! How about you, Prefect? Wanna sing together? Or we could dance?”

Duo Magic Cater: “Lilia-kins, let’s take a pic for the birthday memories!” Lilia: “Cater, a happy birthday to you!”

Tutorial “Let’s have fun together, ‘kay?”

Lv Up “Yay~ I’m getting stronger!”

“‘#BetterThanEverCay’ kind of energy!”

“Let’s keep doing our best from now on!”

Max Lv Up “I always thought anything goes as long as I’m having some kind of fun, but I actually like getting serious every once in a while. Plus I want to look cool when I’m posting on Magicam.”

Episode Lv Up “You think we’re really close friends? Ehh~ You’re so funny~! Hahaha, I wasn’t saying I hate the idea; why are you making that face? It’s just, you said it so seriously—I guess I don’t know how to react.”

Magic Lv Up “Hmm, so you’re the type who would do things like this for me. Thanks!”

Limit Break “Don’t you think I’ve got wayyy too much potential? Hahaha! Well, thanks for all your help!”

Groovy “Man, aren’t I super cool now? It’s getting me all excited!”

Lesson Select “Let’s do our work together! I’m still your senior, so I should try to impress you ♪”

“You really are super dedicated to things... Do you get that a lot? ...Yup, I thought so!”

“C’mon, give yourself a break. It’s not worth putting so much effort just into your classes.”

Lesson Start “Alright, let’s get things done!”

Lesson End “It’s finally over! Time for my after-class Magicam check!”

Battle Start “Make sure to repost and share all my impressive moves!”

Battle Win “That should be enough. Bye-bye!”

Other

Profile Quote “Welcome to Heartslabyul, the dorm run by the strict ‘Queen’ ♪”

January 2020 Trailer “We’re waiting for our dutiful little freshman!”

Countdown Poster “You have to have fun with croquet and Unbirthday parties ♪”

Login Bonus “Oh, you look like you’re doing well again today~! We should get going soon. But before that, wanna grab some tea so I can get a few shots for Magicam?”

Player Birthday Wish “Happy birthday! You can’t believe I remembered...? As if I’d ever forget this special day! I got a present ready that I think will make you really happy. And there’s no doubt about that, since Cay picked it out! ♪”

Valentine’s Gift Letter (2021)

These letters were originally in English. I didn’t translate or edit them in any way. They came with official merch from Aniplex, and are not present in-game.

Helloooooo, Thanks for the present! It was totally awesome! I didn’t know you were an expert at choosing thoughtful gifts ♪ I already took a picture and put it up on Magicam, so go and give it a Like! ;)

[zet-sway]

@the-wip-project day 100

What have you learned over these 100 days? How will you apply this new knowledge to grow as a writer from here on?

First of all how the fuck did I make it this far? When I started, I never actually thought I would finish.

So the number one thing I've learned is not to take myself too seriously.

That seems like an oversimplification but my favorite parts of this endeavor were the small writing challenges along the way, stopping to write things that aren't smutty oneshots. Little exercises to fluff my writing skills and try new things.

I learned I can write about my own experiences to help put the bad ones to rest and the good ones to my heart. I learned I don't have to write the feeling, I just have to frame it. Give it context. Fill in the edges around the thing and let it indirectly give shape to what I'm trying to say.

Believe it or not, the interaction these posts got has been extremely inspirational.

I learned that people are far more supportive than I give them credit for. And I don't need to prove myself to anyone. I can just be. It felt good to write nonsense even if no one saw it. In the last 100 days I actually do feel like I've put some ghosts to bed. Life is no less complicated than ever, but I have never felt this unburdened by the events of the years before 2020.

I learned I don't care to be a professional writer, but I still want to grow. And I learned I need to actually *read stuff,* like, actual THINGS that aren't just reblogs of writing advice. Advice is good, but reading other shit is also just as valuable. Reading in and of itself counts toward growth as a writer.

I learned that I am older, and more tired than I have ever been before. But I still attempted a chaptered fic anyway. I only posted two chapters (technically 3 but you know), but that's still the first time I did that!! It's a big deal for me!! And yeah it may not have been a fucking earthshattering fanfic but it's still work I ruminated very much on, an actual plotline I thought out in my head. New information and new headcanon. I have a story in my head! That's new and exciting.

And allow me a soapbox here for a second because my heart feels full right now -

I'm a skeptic and I really have not been very touched by the supernatural or divine in any way that is obvious to me. Except this year. When I was suddenly and randomly struck by the desire to look back on my old fanfiction for no reason in particular. I felt swelled with pride. I felt so good, like I could flatten whatever stood in my way. While I was reminiscing, I wondered - when is the new Mass Effect coming out? I looked it up, and lo and behold, it was coming out in two fucking days. I don't believe this was an accident. For some fucking reason, forces I don't understand wanted me to experience this again. I was called. I was pulled back in. For whatever reason, whatever purpose, I'm here because of a random blip on my radar that came like serendipity out of the fucking sky. It all happened so fast. The legendary edition, the Spiritual Shrios Summer challenge, the 100 days challenge. I was certain I wouldn't finish. But I did. So holy fucking shit, right?

I'm prone to losing interest in things - so everyone knows. It might be more accurate to say I get distracted and pulled along by another shiny thing in my life. I didn't think about fandom for years but I never forgot. And if I was called back to it, that means it's important to my heart and not something I did as part of a "phase" or whatever. This is a positive outlet, a creative endeavor, something that has actually enriched the lives of strangers, many of whom have never spoken a word to me but likely read and enjoyed anyway. I've touched lives in whatever small way. That's so cool.

Finally, I learned an awful fucking lot about my characters of choice. Shout out to you guys who are always feeding me new information. You know who you are. All of you. If you think this might be about you, it probably is. Please accept this digital hug from me. A handmade quilted hug from yours truly. Thank you.

And of course thank you @barbex for your enormous and appreciated effort of hosting this event. Thank you for being so supportive, I have never seen you say a bad thing about anyone and I respect you so much. Thank you for hosting :) I had so much fun, and learned so much, not all of which I expected to learn but I am so grateful for anyway.

[rocketink]

LITTLE WHITE LIES

You don’t need Mingyu as a new roommate. Not when it’s impossible to bite your tongue around him. Not when you are arguing with him and suddenly complimenting him. Or, in a soulmate world, you can’t lie to your soulmate, but you didn’t know that.

pairing: mingyu x gender neutral reader

genre: fluff, crack, a dash of angst maybe?? + soulmate! au + roomate! au

wc: 2.8+k

warning: I think that none uwu

notes: find minghao’s soulmate au! here. Also I think this turned out differently than how I wanted but I needed to post it haha.

Living the college life along with your best friend is a teenage dream come true. You've spent half of your life planning on where you would live, how would your apartment be, what would both of you study (and many more things that are actually impossible to plan in advance). Everything was fine at first: living out of town, in a big city where you could find anything you wanted, partying, meeting new people, studying something different and -the most important part- living with your friend. Eventually, it all became too much and you both began to feel the pressure of not living under the same roof with your parents, overall when it came to paying for the apartment.

"We need to do something," Your friend told you one day.

"I know," You sighed "We'll figure something out."

"What about a roommate?"

You thought it through for a second. Your apartment had a spare room you both used as a storage room, it even had a bed on it and it wasn't that small, so there would be no problem with three people living in an apartment that is actually for three people. Still...

"No,"

"What? Y/n, why?" Your friend seemed stressed and you almost felt bad, "it would be much better if somebody lived with us. If we split the rent into three we won't have to be so stressed about the money every month."

"I would rather get a part-time job. Look, I want to live with you and just you. Another person will make things worse and I don't want that."

"Do you realize that we would still be the same, just with another person around, right?"

"As if that was just a little change!"

Your friend groaned and so did you. You knew you were being irrational but living with someone is complicated, and you didn't know if you were willing to live with another stressed-out student. Personalities can clash. The mood could get worse.

"Look, let me find someone nice. I pinky-promise you that if you have a meaningful reason to hate them, we'll kick them out and find each of us part-time jobs and we'll manage. Just let me try," your friend extended her pinky and you entwined it with yours, your thumbs touching.

Find a meaningful reason to hate them? Tsk, that isn't hard at all, you are sure you'll find something in no time. Your friend can't find the perfect roommate because the perfect roommate doesn't exist.

Turns out the best roommate does exist. Kim Mingyu is the name. You accept him because he is friends with Wonwoo and you happen to owe the older boy a favor. Still, Mingyu is just as Wonwoo described him to be: clean, organized, hates disorder, can cook very delicious food and loves to have some company. He forgot to mention how incredibly handsome he is and how you share the same hobbies and preferences. 

You get nervous around him all the time because you hate to admit your new roommate is the closest to your ideal type you’ve ever met, and even if you are in the same room all you answer are monosyllables. One day it all gets even weirder. You wanted to watch something on the television but he already was watching some netflix show.

“Mingyu I really want to see this new series, can I?” You are sure he would gently give you the remote control, but he doesn’t.

“But I’m watching my show.” He looks taken aback at himself and you frown.

“But your show is on Netflix you can watch it anytime. Mine is live, there's no way I can watch it anytime later.”

“This is the first time in the week I’m watching television. I want to have it to myself.” This time he frowns and he checks himself in the mirror beside the sofa. “What am I doing?” You hear him whispering.

“Mingyu you are straight-up being selfish. Can’t you just watch it tomorrow?” You stop thinking for a second, did you just call him selfish? Without you actually wanting to do that?

“Selfish? You talk to me for the first time to call me selfish?”

“Yes, and I’d do it again.” Why can’t you speak nicely?

“Well, you’re so boring. This is the first time we talked, I barely even knew how your face was before today, you don’t want to get to know your new roommate don’t you?” Oh no, he didn’t. He slaps himself and you almost want to laugh. What a stupid, random guy.

“You shouldn’t even be here! Me and my friend were perfectly fine by ourselves, you being here is a mistake. I don’t care how hot you are, I don’t like you.” You seem unable to filter your words around him, so you turn around and leave. You hear him doing the same thing. In the end, nobody watched television that night.

You text your friend and roommate right after throwing yourself to your bed.

To: roommie

I fought with Mingyu

From: roomie

Really? What happened?

To: roomie

He’s just brutally honest.

And just like that began a push-and-pull with Mingyu you are not very proud of. You fight about almost everything: he nags you for not doing the dishes when you don’t have to and you complain that he keeps leaving the television on playing sumb shows. You even got to fight about your hobbies which are the only thing you have in common.

“I’m so done with you two.” Your roommate tells you. “You guys are the softest around me, why can’t you filter your words with each other?” No one ever answers them.

Christmas is coming and for the first time you are not excited. Your friend leaves to see their family and you stay because your parents are spending holidays somewhere else and you’ll celebrate right after. But the reason why it gets so stressing is because Mingyu is not leaving either.

One day, he steps out of his room looking extremely handsome. He wears a black jumper with a white shirt underneath, jeans and a horrible brown hat.

“How do I look? Be honest.”

“You look really fine, but for the love of god change that hat, it looks like my uncle’s” boring was the word you actually wanted to say. Just boring.

“I- I wasn’t expecting you to answer my question.” You try to play it cool, as if it was a joke so you roll your eyes.

“Our dear roommate left an hour ago.”

“Oh, I always ask them for honest advice about my fashion.”

“Mingyu, your fashion sense is amazing. You always look hot” Once again, you surprise yourself being honest rather than teasing him. Fast, make a comment about how ugly his hair is, “you have nice hair, it will look even better if you keep it swept back.”

“Thank you Y/n, this means a lot coming from someone as attractive as you.” You feel yourself blushing and he immediately turns around and slams the door to his room.

Did I just flirt with Kim Mingyu without being conscious of it? Why is my mouth behaving as if it had life on its own.

Mingyu leaves twenty minutes later, still too ashamed to look at you. He just mumbles something that goes like “date” and you get it. When he comes back, he is not wearing his typical smile and you know something is off.

“How did the date go?”

“Awful.” He looks surprised once again at his own words, but he shakes his head. He looks tired. “I don’t think they were the one for me.”

Come on Y/n -you panick- say something, a little white lie ‘that’s probably because you’re boring’ will do.

“That’s probably because they’re boring.” Oh god, you feel like strangling yourself.

“I think I am the boring one.”

“How can Kim Mingyu be boring?” You asks willingly -this time-

“You tell me, you hate me.”

“I may hate you, but I know for sure that you are not boring. We share hobbies you know? Are you calling both of us boring?”

For the first time, he laughs softly at you and you melt.

Oh no. Feelings. No. Protect yourself.

“I like your smile.” Damn it Y/n.

“Really?” His smile widens and you think you’ve never seen a prettier human being. “I like your smile too, even if I barely see it.” And just like all the times he talks to you, he looks honest. You smile too.

“I should go to bed.” You say, breaking the moment. He nods.

“I should, too. Goodnight Y/n.”

“Goodnight Mingyu. Oh, and don’t rush yourself to find a partner, your soulmate will come when you least expect it. Just enjoy yourself.” And this is the first time you willingly say something nice to Mingyu, sharing the piece of advice you always tell you yourself when you’re feeling down for not having a soulmate.

“I will, thank you Y/n.”

“So you’re telling me Mingyu is the most similar person to your ideal type, that you can’t filter your words around him and that’s why you bickered so much, that you called him hot twice and ever since he goes to you for advice?” Your roommate feels lost a week after coming back from holidays and watching all the furtive glances you’ve sent to Mingyu. You feel lost, too.

“Yes. We’ve been nice to each other ever since. He keeps on asking me for fashion and date advice and I can’t lie to him, I really can’t. I’ve tried everything. Do you know how many times I’ve wanted to tell him he actually looks like an ugly fish? A lot. Wanna know what I end up telling him? That he looks like an adorable puppy.”

“Well, that’s embarrassing.”

“He calls himself a puppy ever since. I want to cry, that's so adorable I feel my heart melting. I hate feelings.” Your friend looks pretty amused at your antics but you are just distressed. “But the best part is that I have developed feelings in what? Three weeks? Just because I can’t contain my words when I’m around him and because he gives compliments back and flirts back and I’m full-time panicking?”

“Wait. He flirts back?”

“He says I’m a kitten because he is a puppy and we fight all the time. Everytime I call him hot he says it’s a big compliment coming from me. He always tells me I’m the best and that he’s glad we’re friends. One time he asked me to cuddle because he stole my blanket and then he stood up and left and so did I”

“Y/n, are you listening to yourself? He’s as embarrassing as you are, he definitely likes you back. Soulmate culture”

“No, he doesn’t like me back. Quit the soulmate thing, we’re obviously not” You sigh, feeling a little sad, “He just thinks it’s a joke and he jokes back and when it gets out of hand he just behaves like the emotionally constipated person he is and I smash my head against the door because I say embarrassing things for real, god knows why, and he just… Jokes.”

“Oh dear.” Your friend gives you a hug and you hug them back. You needed to vent. “But how do you know he’s not interested? He acts very suspicious around you, he won’t ever call me hot. He even may be having trouble to keep his words to himself, that does sound like a soulmate thing, doesn’t it?”

“He’s been going on little dates. Tonight he has another one, he’s just asked me about his outfit and I’ve just embarrassed myself again, that just leaves it pretty clear. He doesn’t like me back. We’ll never be soulmates.”

“Wait, did you just say tonight?”

“Yes, tonight.” Your friend frowns and they check their phone, “is everything okay?”

“It’s just that Wonwoo told me they were going to watch movies. He’s pissed because Mingyu has been a little sad lately and he cancelled his date to console him.”

“They what?”

“Y/n, I’m going ro be honest with you. Since I came you’ve been looking at each other and looking for excuses to be clingy. It's disgusting. Think about this: if you like him a lot, you behave differently around him, you can’t lie to him and you joke-flirt all the time. Maybe that has a special meaning?”

You look at them scared. Mingyu can’t be your soulmate. If he was something would have happened, something else. As you’ve said before, he should be finding it hard to lie to you too. Maybe you’ll need to ask him about it? Mingyu and you... Soulmates... Would it be such a crazy idea? Just when your friend’s about to leave your room to let you think, they receive a message. 

“Look at this,” It’s a message from Wonwoo, it reads: why is Mingyu coming all dressed up? “talk to him, okay?”

You wait for Mingyu to come. It’s late when he’s back and your roommate has already gone to sleep.

“Hi” he greets.

“Hi,” you greet back

C’mon Y/n, you can do this, just ask a simple question ‘did you have fun on your date?’

“Did you have fun with Wonwoo?” I hate myself.

Mingyu looks surprised but he laughs it off. 

“Did Wonwoo tell you?”

“No, he told our roommate,”

“And why did our roommate tell you about it?”

Okay, you have to lie just one more time. If this one works out, you just forget about Mingyu being your soulmate thing. Just try this: ‘Because they asked me about you”

“Because I asked them about you,” you have no remedy.

Mingyu raises his eyebrows. You are not in the teasing mood.

“Look, I just want to ask you something. If the answer is no you can just forget this has happened and we can move on. Do you find it hard to lie to me? Because I find it hard to lie to you. I just can’t. It was nice when we were fighting over factual things like who left the tv turned on, but it’s not anymore because I keep telling you things I feel deep inside and you just make jokes about it.”

“What type of things, Y/n?” His gaze is intense and you have to look away.

‘That you are the worst person I’ve ever met’ try it, just one more little lie.

“That you are the best person I’ve ever met. That you are incredibly hot and attractive and you can pull any outfit and you are so nice and easy to be with. That I appreciate our friendship because I think it’s sincere and I’m not always that honest with my friends and that makes it special, but sometimes I say things I don’t want to say because you don’t feel the same.”

“That you hate me?”

“That I love you, Mingyu”

Mingyu releases all the breath he didn’t know he was holding.

“You know how hard it was for me to figure out why I was being an idiot with you? I love my Netflix shows and I don’t really want to give anyone the remote but I always end up doing it because it’s not that big of a deal, why couldn’t I do it with you? Why was I being so rude and careless?” He looks embarrassed but then he smiles, just the way you want him to smile, “and then everything changed between us and I didn't want to compliment you but it was so easy not lying to you. You looked just fine afterwards so I supposed you took it as a joke and continued. Just to let you know, y/n, I mean them.”

“So they weren’t jokes?”

“I can’t joke about this because with you I always say what’s on my mind. And in my head you’re the most precious person ever.” You feel like crying, finally a mutual feeling. This feeling can only be resumed in one word: soulmate “You weren’t joking either?”

“I wish I was, just how many times have I embarrassed myself in front of you?”

“As many as I did.” Mingyu runs to your side on the sofa and hugs you tightly, “do you know how many times I’ve wanted to do this?”

“As many as I did” you hug him back and rest your head on his chest. His heart is beating as fast as yours. “Does this mean you won’t go on dates anymore?”

“Why would I? I have a soulmate that I love.” You peck his lips and he gives you another kiss right after, “besides, they weren’t dates, they were friendly hangouts with Seungcheol and Joshua, and sometimes Wonwoo.”

“But why did I dress you up then?”

“A little white lie maybe? You just assumed they were dates and I never stopped you, I like going well-dressed everywhere though. Wonwoo still doesn’t get it.” You snort. “I haven’t gone on a date ever since I understood I liked you, at some point in Christmas.”

“We can stop with the little white lies then?”

“They don’t work out,” he smiles and goes for another kiss, “and I can finally tell you I love you anyways.”

[slytherinbarnes]

Sub Rosa [76]

v. the gospel of josephine

Pairing: Bellamy Blake x reader

Word Count: 6.1k

Warnings: angst, anxiety, language, angst, drugging.

Summary: Something’s rotten in the state of Sanctum, and you’re hopeful you’ll soon find out what.

a/n: i officially finished writing and editing sub rosa yesterday! i can’t believe we are nearing the end of this journey! the taglist for this series is open! I hope you enjoy, please let me know what you think!!!

previous chapter // season masterlist // series masterlist

You wake up with a strong feeling of unease.

It’s strong enough to pull you out of sleep, strong enough to leave you feeling on edge for most of the morning. You don't know why or where it came from, considering the incredible night you had the night before, but it lingers around you, making you anxious. It’s strong enough that Bellamy notices and questions you about it, looking worried because you seem worried, but you reassure him that everything is okay, despite feeling like the opposite. 

You eagerly head downstairs once you and Bellamy are ready, accounting for all of your friends and family, except for one. 

Clarke. 

That sends your nerves into overdrive, but Bellamy reminds you that she was having fun with Cillian the night before, and they left in a fury of passion, meaning she probably slept at his place. He convinces you to let it go and not worry just yet, before the two of you sit down at the bar with Murphy. He’s already drinking, despite it being pretty early in the day, and you follow suit, throwing back a shot of some awful alcohol as soon as you sit down beside him. He turns to you with an appreciative smirk. “Now that’s what I’m talking about. I like this version of you.”

You and Bellamy both answer, “Quiet, Murphy.”

He raises his hands in surrender, sliding the shot in his hand over to you, which you take with a nod of thanks and quickly throw back, the liquid burning as it moves down your throat. The boys both order something to sip on, and you sit between them, waiting for the alcohol to dull the sharp edges of your nerves. Eventually Jordan comes wandering into the bar, babbling something about Delilah being unlike herself, and when you all look at him in confusion, he takes a breath and says, “Something about Delilah seems off, so I brought her some daisies and gave them to her, reminding her that she told me daisies are her favorite flower. She took them without arguing, agreeing that those are her favorite.”

Bellamy shakes his head, still confused. You watch his curls bounce as they move, bringing you an odd sense of comfort. “So?”

“So, yesterday she told me her favorite flowers are Calla Lilies.”

Murphy smirks and looks over at you and Bellamy, “Calla Lilies are nice.”

Bellamy holds his gaze before they both start giggling, but you keep a straight face, listening to Jordan’s fears, wondering if it has something to do with your unease. “I'm serious, something happened in that reliquary. It's like she doesn't even know me. “

Bellamy advises, “Just play it cool, she'll come around.”

You snort, thinking of Bellamy’s version of playing it cool with you, which involved a lot of anger and insults, leaving the two of you at odds until you were in direct danger of dying. He looks at you with a small smile, “What?”

You hide your smile and answer, “Nothing.”

Murphy adds onto Bellamy’s advice with a shrug, “Yeah, that and, like, maybe don't get flowers for a one night stand.”

You hear the door to the tavern open and you spin around quickly, a rush of relief washing over you when you see Clarke standing at the door. You and Bellamy wave to her, and you start to relax, until you see the guard standing near the door, clearly keeping an eye on your twin. Your unease comes rushing back again, reminding you that something isn’t right, though you still don’t know what. 

You see Madi jump up from her seat when she sees Clarke, running over and hugging her, speaking to her quickly before she runs off with a smile, grabbing her pack. You slide out of your seat when you see Gaia abruptly stand and step in Clarke’s way, and you start to move over to them, Bellamy following you, both of you catching the tail end of Gaia’s lecture to Clarke in Trigedasleng. “Wof em teik em nila reya? O, em’laik, ge jok op kom fayaslais?”

What if she skins her knee? Or, I don't know, gets a paper cut? You gather enough to guess that they must be talking about Madi, and Clarke glances at you as you approach, looking conflicted. You come to a stop beside Gaia, looking between them before your eyes land on your twin. “Everything okay?”

“Yeah, fine. Where are the others?”

Bellamy, up to date on everyone's whereabouts, answers first, “One of the Primes is showing Raven and Emori how to build a radiation shield.” 

“Ryker?”

Bellamy nods, “Yeah, I sent Echo and Miller to watch their backs.”

Clarke turns to look at you, “And our mother?”

You sigh, “Still in the library. Jackson said he found her sleeping with her head on a book.”

Clarke nods, and then turns to Madi, who’s lingering nearby. “Speaking of books, let's get you to school.”

You and Gaia immediately start to argue, and you step closer to your twin, whispering low enough that only she can hear. “Clarke, what the hell? You just said yesterday it was too dangerous for Madi.”

She steps back with a smile, waving off your concern. “Chill out, she'll be fine.”

You give her a look of complete bewilderment, shocked to hear the words come out of her mouth. Even weirder, the tone of her voice sounds different, slightly higher pitched than normal. You turn to look at Bellamy, wondering if he’s catching onto her weirdness, and his brows are pulled together in confusion, but he looks more amused than anything. You, however, are not amused. You turn your gaze back to Clarke, repeating her words back to her. “Chill out?”

She shakes her head, not understanding your confusion. “What?”

You stare at her open mouthed, trying to figure out what to say, but Bellamy puts his hand on your arm, stopping you. He just smiles at Clarke, clearly enjoying this new side of her. “Nothing. We both just think that happiness looks good on you. I take it you had fun with the doctor?”

“Cillian?” A look of amusement passes over her face. “Let's just say it'll be a while until he recovers.”

You give her another weird look, unused to hearing anything about Clarke’s sex life. The two of you are close, but that’s not something either of you have ever really discussed. Hearing about it now, even in joke form, is strange. She doesn't seem to notice, because she starts to walk away, but you reach out and grab her arm, stopping her. “Wait, what’s up with the guard?”

“Apparently, people with blood like mine are a target. The Primes insisted.”

Blood like mine? You’re about to interrogate her further, but she pulls herself free from your grip with a smile. “Gotta go, don't want Madi to be late!”

And then she turns and heads towards the door before you can even make a sound of protest. Madi waves goodbye to you before she slips out the door, and you just stand frozen in place, dumbfounded. You’re pulled out of your shock when Gaia starts to rush past you and Bellamy, her pack in hand. Bellamy holds out an arm to stop her. “Gaia, slow down. Madi will be fine.”

You and Gaia both turn to look at him like he’s lost it too, and Gaia instantly argues, “Fine? They gave Clarke a bodyguard for being a Nightblood, and she just sends Madi to school?”

You’re interrupted by Blythe Ann, Delilah’s mother, walking over to the three of you, a tray on her hand. “Can I get you guys anything else?”

You shake your head, ready to finish your conversation with Gaia and Bellamy, but Jordan interrupts from his place beside Murphy. “Ma’am, can I ask you something?”

“Only if you call me BA.”

“What happened to Delilah last night?”

She freezes a little, and you can see her fighting back a wave of emotion as she robotically answers, “Our little girl became one with the Primes. You were there, what's wrong?”

Bellamy tries to stop the conversation before it gets into dangerous territory and threatens your fragile peace. “Ah, nothing's wrong.”

But Jordan answers her anyways, too determined to learn the truth, no matter what it may cost him, or the rest of you. “She's acting like she doesn't even know me, that's what's wrong.”

“Oh child, I miss her too. Priya's return blesses us all.”

She chokes out the last sentence, a forced smile on her face, before she turns away from all of you. Jordan walks closer to your group, looking very confused. “Priya's return blesses us all? What does that even mean?”

Gaia snaps back, “It means that they believe in something. That faith should be respected.”

She turns and stalks off, presumably to keep an eye on Madi, which you’re thankful for. Right now, Bellamy can sense the growing tension, and he turns to Jordan with a look of sympathy. “Jordan, we're guests here, and we need their help. I'm sure whatever happened between you and Priya-”

Jordan cuts him off, looking annoyed. “Delilah. It happened between me and Delilah. I know you think you need to protect us all because you couldn't protect Octavia, but I can take care of myself.”

You see a look of hurt pass over Bellamy's face at the mention of Octavia, but he doesn't get a chance to say anything in return, because Jordan turns and stalks off, leaving the two of you in the tavern. You reach out and squeeze his hand in comfort, but then your unease washes over you, reminding you of its presence, and you shake your head, looking out the door of the tavern. “Clarke seems off.”

Bellamy gives you a doubtful look. “She seems fine. Happy, even.”

“She told me to chill out, Bellamy. When has Clarke ever said chill out? In fact, when has Clarke herself ever chilled out?”

“She probably just picked it up from the doctor.”

“After one night?” He shrugs, and you cross your arms over your chest, challenging him. “Okay, and what about what she said about the guard? ‘People with blood like mine’? Why wouldn't she say blood like ours? Or Nightblood?”

Bellamy just shakes his head. “She probably just misspoke. I know you’re on edge today, but everything is fine, la lune.”

You give him a surprised look and whisper, “You never call me la lune.”

“Is that okay? I’ve always felt like it was a family only thing, and I didn't wanna assume-”

You cut him off by reaching out and pulling him into a kiss, silencing all of his fears. You pull away enough to say, “Yu laik ai seingeda.”

You are my family. His face splits into a grin and he whispers back, “And you are mine.”

“Good.” You step back a little, looking up at him. “This better not be the end of blainen natshana though. I like that nickname too.”

“It won’t be, I just like to have options.” You laugh, shaking your head at him, your earlier unease temporarily forgotten. Bellamy takes advantage of the moment and nods towards the bar. “I got access to a map earlier today, you wanna look it over?”

“Sure.”

He walks over to the bar and grabs the map, rolled up and waiting, along with Murphy, dragging him over to a little table to join the two of you as Bellamy unrolls the map for all of you to look over. It’s pretty bleak, most of the map labeled as uncharted territory, which Bellamy mentions. “200 years, this is all they mapped.”

Murphy muses, “Why leave when you're safe, right?”

You turn to Murphy with a smirk, “Oh, come on, Murphy. Where's your sense of adventure? We're pioneers!”

“I don't want to be pioneers. Pioneers find the red zone and wind up dead, or get caught in randomly occurring, psychosis inducing eclipses. You really want to go through that again?” Bellamy absentmindedly grazes the stab wound on his thigh, and your fingers ghost over the bruises on your neck. Once he’s sure neither of you want to experience that again, Murphy adds, “I've been asking around. Apparently, this whole thing's built on top of cave systems. The bugs start to freak out, the party goes underground.”

Bellamy shrugs, “Right, so we find our own cave system, and Raven builds us a radiation shield. Murphy, we can't stay here forever. And even if we could, what about the other 400 of us?”

Murphy looks ready to argue Bellamy’s point when the intercom in Sanctum fires up, announcing the start of a funeral. You all pause and listen, and as it finishes, Blythe Ann calls out to the three of you, “Rose is being offered to the woods. All of you are welcome.”

“Thank you.”

Murphy glares at Bellamy. “Don't even think about asking me to go to that funeral. Seriously, take Jordan. It'll get his mind off of being dumped.”

You all look around the tavern, searching for him. “Where is Jordan anyway?”

Bellamy sighs, rolling up the map as he looks towards the door. “I think I know where he is, come on.”

You start to follow Bellamy when he steps away from the table, but Murphy stays firmly rooted in place. Bellamy glances back at him, reminding him of your earlier joke. “Hey, suit yourself. But if he gets us kicked out, you're a pioneer.”

Murphy rolls his eyes and stands, following you and Bellamy out of the tavern. You all watch as people file towards the stairs to head into the woods, and Bellamy waits until no one is looking your way before he leads you over to the palace, careful to weave between buildings and stay hidden. The three of you run up the hill to the palace, but instead of going up the stairs to the main building, you jog to the door on the bottom level, the one that leads to the reliquary. When you reach the door, the keypad is hanging off, the wires exposed. “Like father, like son.”

Bellamy pushes the door open slowly, hesitant, checking to make sure no one is waiting for all of you on the other side. Once he sees that it’s clear, he slips inside, motioning for the two of you to follow him. You step into a large room, mostly dark, save for the light that comes through a window in the center of the room, casting an eerie glow on the room full of...skeletons. You get a chill down your spine, bringing back your unease in full force as you look at the skeletons lined up in the center of the room and Murphy mutters, “You gotta be kidding me. Which part of ‘I hate dead people’ did you not understand?”

“Quiet, Murphy.” Murphy gives Bellamy a look but goes silent, but you shake your head, agreeing with Murphy. “Bellamy, I don’t like this.”

Bellamy gives you a reassuring look before he calls out into the room, “Jordan, we know you're in here.”

Jordan steps out of the shadows, looking at the three of you, and Bellamy shakes his head. “What the hell are you doing?”

“What you would've done, the you before Praimfaya anyway. That was my favorite Bellamy.”

The door behind you suddenly closes, and you look towards it in shock, eyes falling on Gaia. You nod, “You too?”

“They worship Nightbloods. I'd like to understand why that is.”

Murphy quips, “I'd like to leave. There's no way I'm getting thrown out of the one safe place on this moon because you got dumped.”

Gaia starts to wander over to the skeletons, looking at them closely, while Jordan disappears to the back wall, looking it over. You, Bellamy, and Murphy all linger near the door, not too eager to get closer to the skeletons, when the door slides open again and Clarke steps into view. Her tone is scolding as she looks you all over, “This is Sanctum's holiest place, you shouldn't be here.”

You give her a weird look, wondering why she gives a shit about Sanctum’s holiest place, and she must catch it because she gives you a sheepish look. “I'm sorry. I just, uh, I saw you on the steps.”

“Does that mean your bodyguard could too?”

She nods, “Good point, let's take this outside.”

But Gaia argues from her spot nearby, “Not yet.” You look over at her, watching her run a finger over the back of one of the skulls, her expression one of awe. “The mark of the Flame? They're all Commanders.”

You exchange a look with Bellamy before you walk over to the skeleton, seeing the infinity symbol imprinted on the back of the skull. You think of your first day in Sanctum, of the flag Emori pointed out to all of you. “That's why the symbol was on the flag.”

Bellamy starts to walk among the skeletons, coming to a stop in the center of the room, looking around at them. “The ones in the front row must be the original Eligius team, there's 12 of them. Oh, and they take kids.”

Clarke counters, “Familial love is a powerful motivator. People will do anything to ensure the survival of the ones they love. Now let's ensure our survival and get the hell out of here.”

You all start to step towards her, intending to leave, until you hear the scrape of a door opening. When you follow the sound, you see Jordan standing at an open door, and you all walk over to join him, flicking on a light inside the newly exposed room. You get another chill when your eyes land on an operating room, fresh Nightblood staining a pile of gauze near the operating table in the center of the room. Murphy eyes it with unease. “Operating room attached to a crypt. Really?”

Jordan spots something and rushes inside, grabbing a pile of pink fabric, neatly folded and placed on a table. He holds it up for the rest of you to see, “She was here. This was Delilah's, I'm sure of it! Still think I'm overreacting?”

You all step into the operating room, and Bellamy looks your way as he begins to think out loud. “Okay, let's think this through. Becca created the Flame after apocalypse one. She obviously provided the tech to Eligius III before that. That means that-”

Gaia cuts him off, voice full of realization. “They're not Commanders.”

You look at your boyfriend, fighting back your growing anxiety. “So what the hell are they?”

Jordan spots a computer on the other side of the room and makes a beeline for it, plopping into the chair and firing it up. “Let's find out.”

You all gather around him as he starts to type away on the keyboard, and Murphy jokes, “Monty taught him how to hack too. That's my kind of parenting.”

Jordan clarifies, “No hacking needed. The Eligius systems all use the same access code.”

He types in the access code, clicking on a few things until he pulls up a list of video files. You quickly scan the names of the files, pointing out one that sounds promising. “Eureka, try that.”

Jordan clicks on the file, and a bearded man appears on the screen in full view. Behind him is a second man, much older, and a young woman tied down to the operating table that stands behind you. You watch the man take a deep breath and begin, “Here we go again. Today's subject is Brooke, Earth embryo 47. Presents with black blood; 21 Earth years old, 22 doing time in the incubator.”

You and Bellamy exchange a look as the other man encourages, “You can do this, Gabriel. Twenty five years of work, the failures. This is the one.”

Gabriel continues, “If I'm right, the reason all previous metempsychosis trials have failed is because the host's neuroanatomy was not developed enough to support the file size of a mature human mind.”

File size of a mature human mind? You hate the sound of that, and you glance over at your twin, searching for the unease you’re sure she must feel. You’re surprised to find her expression passive, not yet concerned with the events on screen. You turn back to the screen as you hear the girl start to struggle, watching as Gabriel injects something into her arm, and she eventually grows still. You all watch in horror as Gabriel stands staring at the screens around the room, monitoring scans of the girl’s brain, muttering about different areas going dormant. Jordan’s voice is a quiet whisper when he chokes out, “Did they just kill that girl? Did we just watch someone die?”

None of you answer, too enthralled with what’s on the screen, because now the two men are holding up a small piece of hardware, reminding you so much of the Flame. “The body's ready.”

And just like the Flame, they insert it into the back of her neck, though they don't use any passphrases. They just cut the girls neck open and insert the tech inside before stitching her up again, and then they sit back and wait. Jordan skips through the video a little, the two men waiting for a while, playing it again as the young girl blinks awake slowly and the older man calls out, “Something's happening, she's waking up. Josephine, can you hear me?”

At the mention of the name, you go completely still, looking over at your twin, remembering what she told you yesterday. But still, her expression is impassive, seemingly unshocked to hear the name. When she senses you looking at her she meets your eyes, her expression turning to one of worry once you lock gazes. You mutter to the others, “Josephine was Russell’s daughter.”

You turn back to the screen as the girl lets out a blood curdling screen, and you turn back in time to watch her fall off the operating tables and scramble back into the corner. Gabriel drops in front of her, moving slowly, trying to soothe her, and he finally whispers, “I've spent the last 25 years trying to bring you back.”

The other man tries to get close to Josephine, but she presses herself into the glass at her back, trying to get away. Gabriel starts to soothe her, whispering, “It's okay, it's okay. It wasn't his fault, it was the red sun.”

“The eclipse, I was right.”

Gabriel nods, “Yes, you were. It turns out it affects more than just insects.”

Josephine seems to think for a minute, before a realization hits her. “Our memory drives. You reverse engineered them to upload our entire minds. That's brilliant!”

You look at Bellamy, both of you looking horrified as you start to put the pieces together. On screen, Josephine hugs both men, but you ignore it, too focused on looking at your twin, trying to gauge her reaction. But when you look her way, she just seems lost in her own head, a faraway look on her face. You reach out and take her hand, bringing her back to you as Gabriel concludes, “The key is a fully developed brain. Once the adult host's consciousness is gone, the mind stored in the drive uploads with ease. Now, we still have loads of tests to run, but so far, Josie's consciousness, herself, appears to be whole. In other words, eureka. More soon.”

And then the video ends, leaving all of you staring at the screen, stunned. Murphy is the first to break the silence. “They're immortal.”

Jordan counters, “They're murderers. They murdered Delilah.”

Clarke shakes her head, looking at all of you. “It's not murder if they go willingly.”

Jordan’s anger rises, his voice breaking as he yells, “Did that girl look willing to you?!”

Gaia adds, disgusted, “That's how they made it better, easier, by manipulating people into believing they were sacrificing themselves to some false gods. 'Becoming one with the primes' like Delilah's mother said.”

“Well, so much for respecting their faith.” You all look at Murphy in shock, and he adds, “I mean, no offense. You let a bunch of kids fight to the death to become your God.”

“Murphy, that's enough.” Bellamy turns to your twin, who has now dropped your hand and stepped away a little, silent. “Clarke, you're okay with this?”

“Well, I didn't say that. I just don't think they pose a threat to us, that's all.”

You turn to her incredulous, not understanding how she isn’t more bothered by this. “Clarke, they literally pose a threat to you because they know you're a Nightblood! And based on what we just saw, I'm thinking that's the only reason they let us stay!”

Gaia starts to step away, face pulled into horror as she moves to the door. “Madi.”

You feel a wave of nausea roll over you at the thought of your Nightblood niece away from all of you, potentially in harm's way. Gaia looks at you, “I have to get her before they find out what she is.”

You nod, letting her know you agree, and Clarke calls out, “I'll go with you.”

As she starts to walk past you, Bellamy says, “Bring her back to the tavern so we can decide what to do.”

Clarke nods, and you watch her leave, following Gaia, before the rest of you step back into the creepy skeleton room, now understanding that these are all the bodies from the previous hosts. Jordan stands in front of the one labeled Priya, looking absolutely devastated. “These are all her.”

Bellamy looks towards him, his voice low. “Jordan, I'm sorry I doubted you.”

Jordan nods, silently accepting his apology, before Bellamy adds, “Log out of the system, we need to cover our tracks.”

Jordan heads back into the lab to hide any evidence that you were even here, and the two of you turn to Murphy, who lets out a sigh. “I hate to say it, but I agree with Clarke. This isn't our fight.”

You give him a confused look. “You still want to stay?”

“I want to live, only these people know how to do that forever, as it turns out. That wouldn't suck either.”

Bellamy shakes his head, pretending he isn't hearing what he's hearing from Murphy. “Reattach the keypad outside the tunnel. We're right behind you.”

Murphy looks at him for a long second before he nods and steps out the door, leaving you and Bellamy alone in the center of the room. You look at each other, unease surrounding you both, your boyfriend appearing just as anxious as you are. “Right now, they only know Clarke is a Nightblood. We need to make sure they don't find out about you and Madi. It’ll be much easier to keep Clarke safe if she’s the only one we need to protect.”

You nod, tears welling up in your eyes as you think about the danger the three of you are in, now at risk of being body snatched by a group of people you could care less about. “I’m scared, Bellamy.”

He pulls you into his arms, holding you tight against him as he whispers into your hair, “I am too, but I’ll keep you safe.”

You both pull away when you hear Jordan come out of the lab, turning off the light and closing the door behind him. You give him a serious look, “Everything taken care of?”

“No one will ever know we were here.”

“Good.” You look at the skeletons, circled around you like a small army. “Then let’s get the hell out of here.”

The three of you slip out of the door and join Murphy outside, the suns of Sanctum now set, darkness now blanketing the village. You realize now all of you must have been in there for a while, and you hope no one noticed your absence while you were gone. You, Murphy, Bellamy, and Jordan all head back to the tavern, opening the doors to find everyone has returned from the funeral held for Rose. You grab one of the larger tables, plopping down into a chair while the boys grab drinks, setting them around the table before settling into their spots. Bellamy slides into the chair beside you, both of you pressed together, seeking each other’s comfort to keep your unease at bay. Gaia, Madi, and Clarke come into the tavern a few minutes later, joining you at your table. Clarke sits at the head and Madi sits across from you, while Murphy sits across from Bellamy and Jordan and Gaia sit at the other end. 

You fill Madi in on everything you’ve learned since seeing her last, letting her know how much danger all of you are truly in. Clarke sits silently through the whole thing, allowing you and Bellamy to catch her up, and at the end of the rundown, Madi turns to Clarke, noticing her silence. “Clarke, you realize staying says we're okay with what they're doing.”

“Yeah, and what's the alternative?” You all look over to Murphy, who takes a sip of his drink before continuing, “Go back to space? Sleep for another hundred years on our way to a planet even less likely to support life?”

“Build our own compound. Emori, Echo and Raven will be back in the morning. They'll know everything we need to build a radiation shield. After that, it's just hard work.” 

Murphy counters, “Over how many lifetimes? No, seriously, how many eclipses? How many swarms? How many terrorist attacks?”

Clarke nods, “I agree with John.”

You look at Clarke, brows pulling together. John? Never in the time since meeting Murphy have any of you called him John, other than Emori and your mom. But Clarke continues speaking like she didn't just say the weirdest thing you’ve ever heard. “I don't like who they are either, but we need them to survive.”

You glance at Bellamy, who is watching Clarke closely, and you spare a glance at Murphy, who also picked up on the weird name drop moment. You shake your head at her, looking at Clarke like you have no idea who she is. “What the hell is wrong with you? You’re way too calm about this, Clarke.”

She opens her mouth to answer, but Jordan, who has had his eyes locked on Priya across the room, speaks before Clarke can get the chance. “They're murderers, raising people to give up their bodies, brainwashing them into believing they're gods.”

“He's right. It's a perversion of everything Bekka Pramheda believed. The Flame was about passing wisdom on to the next line, not keeping it all to yourself.”

Murphy, ever critical of the Grounder religion, counters, “Yeah, well, no offense, but Becca wasn't a god either. She was a scientist who made herself a Nightblood in the lab the same way Abby did to Clarke.”

Out of the corner of your eye, you see Clarke freeze up a little, shocked by the words. You turn to her, about to ask what’s wrong, when Jordan suddenly bolts from the table, practically running over to Priya. You and Bellamy jump up after him as he snaps at the Prime, “I know what you did.”

You and Bellamy each grab one of Jordan's arms, holding him back and warning, “Hey, bad idea.”

Jae looks at Jordan with concern. “Is everything okay here?”

“How can you be okay? She was your child.”

Priya seems to understand what’s happening, because she turns to face Jordan head on. “I know you miss Delilah, hallowed be her name. But she's happy, Jordan. She wants you to know that.”

The words freeze Jordan up just enough for you and Bellamy to drag him back to the table and force him into his chair. As you reach the table, you see that one of the chairs is now empty, your group missing one person. 

Clarke. 

You look around the tavern, eyes falling on a blonde haired person slipping out of the building without another word. You turn to Bellamy, your voice low enough for just him to hear, and you whisper, “Something is wrong with Clarke, and she’s walking out of the tavern right now. We have to talk to her.”

He nods, backing you up, and the two of you jog to the exit of the building, stepping out into the cool night air, searching for Clarke. Bellamy spots her first, walking just ahead past a row of buildings, and the two of you walk quickly behind her, calling out, “Clarke!”

She turns around, stopping in place, looking at you with concern. “Everything okay?”

Something inside of you tells you to answer in Trig. You don't know why, but you listen to the voice, answering, “Flish em of. Osir gaf in chich yu op soulou. Kom nau.”

Get rid of her. We need to talk to you alone. Now. She looks at you for a long second, face blank, and you glance at Bellamy, finding that he is just as confused. Clarke was fluent in Trigedasleng long before the rest of you, thanks to her three months of isolation after Mount Weather, and it’s never taken her so long to translate before. But she finally does, turning to look at the guard that lingers nearby. “Give us a minute.”

The guard stands up straighter, indicating that she’s going nowhere, and Clarke sighs and motions to the building beside you. “Fine, we'll go in here.”

You and Bellamy follow her inside, turning on her as soon as she closes the door. “Where were you going?”

“To see our mother. What's wrong?”

You shake your head at her. “How are we on different sides of this?”

“I know how they survive seems harsh. But from what I've seen, these people are happy. Their world works, we destroyed ours.”

Bellamy gives her a hard look. “This isn't about us.”

“So we can judge them but not ourselves?”

“You know I judge myself every day.” Bellamy looks over at you, his eyes telling you he’s going to test a theory as he walks closer to her, answering in Trigedasleng. “You want to know the difference between us and them? Ai sin in feis-de kom keryon ai don rip klin ona flashpa, nou ona fleta.”

I see the faces of the people I've killed when I dream, not in the mirror. Clarke stares at him for a long second, and then she asks, “I'm sorry. Can you repeat that last phrase? It sounds like Flashpa means flashback. So was it a dream?”

You freeze in place, the sudden roar of blood rushing in your ears the only thing you hear. You look at your twin, the pieces suddenly falling into place. The uneasy feeling you’ve had all day, the weird language, strange behavior. Bellamy connects the dots too, because he grabs Clarke and slams her into the wall of the building, pinning her in place with his arm at her neck. “Who are you?”

She surprises you by stabbing him in the neck with something, and you watch Bellamy fall to the ground, your stomach sinking with dread. You run over to him, calling out, “Bellamy!”

You drop down to Bellamy’s side, eyes catching the rise and fall of his chest, your fingers reaching up to his neck to check his pulse. You sigh in relief as it thumps steadily beneath your fingers, and your brain registers the feeling of danger seconds before you feel a prick in your neck. Clarke drops something near your feet, and you get a glimpse of it as you start to fall, some sort of Sanctum tranq stick. You hit the ground beside Bellamy, panicking when you realize that you can't move, cant speak, can't scream. Your body is frozen for real this time, triggered by something in the sedative, and the only thing you have control over is your eyes. You see darkness creeping up at the edge of your vision, and your eyes are wide with fear as Clarke’s face drops into your line of sight, a smile on her face as she answers Bellamy’s earlier question. “Josephine Lightbourne, nice to meet you.”

You feel a rush of crushing anguish, and if you weren't temporarily paralyzed you're sure that you’d fall apart, letting out a scream that would break this entire moon in half. Tears immediately flood to your eyes instead, blurring your vision as the darkness rushes closer, your mind running over one thought over and over. Once the adult’s consciousness is gone. Josephine Lightbourne, nice to meet you. Once the adult’s consciousness is gone. Josephine Lightbourne, nice to meet you. Once the adult’s consciousness is gone. Josephine Lightbourne, nice to meet you. 

The last realization you have before you get sucked into the darkness is that Clarke Griffin, your sister, your twin, your shining star, 

is dead.

Gone forever. 

-

next chapter

[staarshines]

Paging A Heart Chapter 1: Darts (Grey’sAnatomy!AU) || P.D.

| Paging A Heart Masterlist |

Warnings: Spoilers for seasons 1-10, strong medical themes throughout (the entire series), language, drinking, mentions of sex, mentions of surgery

Word Count: 2.3k

Surgeons aren’t known for happy personal lives; they’re known for changing the face of medicine. You’ve only ever been interested in the latter, using all available resources to advance your career. That is, until, you meet a gorgeous paramedic that changes your view on that without even saying a word.

[A/N]: I’m back after a one month hiatus with finally the first part of Paging a Heart!

You slam the door to Joe’s Bar open and swat at the bells when they ring loudly, announcing your arrival. Rey catches sight of you and waves you over, accompanied by Meredith and Alex. You don’t even bother to plaster on a fake smile, stomping over and plopping down on a seat in between Rey and Meredith.

“Tequila.”

Today had not been a good day, to say the least.

You can see Meredith eye you warily out of the corner of her eye, probably debating whether or not she wanted to get into what was bothering you.

“Rough day?” Rey offers, clutching her Bloody Mary. Joe slides a tequila down the table and you treat it like a shot, downing it in less than three seconds and slamming it down on the table.

“You could say that.” You motion to Joe for a refill, massaging your forehead with your free hand.

“Don’t take your anger out on the glass,” Alex remarks with that trademark smugness in his voice, only making you want to throw it at him.

“What happened?” Rey tries to divert your attention from Alex and you let her succeed, but he’s getting on your last nerve.

“I just got off of a twenty-eight hour shift and this is the first thing I’m having to eat. Well, drink,” you correct yourself, grabbing the drink from Joe’s hand. He raises his eyebrows at you but you just shake your head, silently telling him you’d be fine after a couple of drinks.

Not going to lie, those ‘couple of drinks’ were looking like ‘blackout drunk’ right now.

“What the hell were you doing for more than a day that didn’t let you eat anything? And you’re drinking on an empty stomach? Give me that.” Rey snatches your drink away and you groan, rolling your eyes.

“As much as I love you, I kind of want to punch you out right now.”

“Like I care. Order a burger or something,” she shrugs. Meredith laughs from beside you at both of your antics.

“But seriously, you couldn’t sneak in one bite?” Mer chimes in.

“Nope. I had four valve replacements and then I got pulled into an emergency transplant that just ended twenty minutes ago. Welcome to the life of a cardiac surgeon.”

“You’re just stressed. You need to let off some steam,” Alex starts. Oh boy. Here we go again. “You need to have some sex.” You narrow your eyes, giving him a disbelieving glare. “What? Tell me I’m wrong.”

“You’re wrong,” you oblige, earning laughs from Rey and Mer. 

“I’m serious. I have Jo, Mer has Derek, and Rey… that paramedic, what’s his name? Ben?” Rey chokes on her drink, slamming it down on the table. You use her shock to your advantage, stealing back your drink while she looks at Alex with a presumably incredulous look on her face.

“How the hell do you know about that? Who else knows? Wait, who did you tell?” Your jaw drops, because did she really think you went around blabbing her secrets?

“Oh, please,” Alex starts before you have the chance to talk. “You’re not slick at all.”

“Plus, you work at Grey-Sloan,” Mer calls out to her from beside you.

“She’s got a point there,” you clink Meredith’s glass.

“Speaking of paramedics, that one’s had his eyes on you ever since you walked in.” Alex nods his head slightly to the right and you meet eyes with the one and only Poe Dameron, looking handsome as ever in his uniform.

He shoots you a charming smile before turning his attention back to some people you guessed he worked in the same rig with; they looked vaguely familiar and you could easily point out Ben. Turning back towards the table, you take a long sip of your drink while Rey looks for who Alex was talking about.

“Oh, Poe? The guy you have a crush on?” It’s your turn to choke on your drink, giving Rey a look of betrayal. It takes her a minute to realize her mistake, eyes widening.

“Oh. Oh shit. I meant—”

“You have a crush on McFlirty?” The enthusiasm in Meredith’s voice makes you groan, knowing her and Karev could—would—have the entire hospital playing matchmaker within hours.

“Wait. McFlirty?” Her lips turn into a fine white line when she realizes what she’s done. 

“Forget I said anything—”

“McFlirty?” you question Rey, knowing asking Meredith was going to be a waste of time if she didn’t want to tell you.

“Yeah. They call him that because he’s... flirty,” Rey explains the obvious, making you roll your eyes for the second time in those five minutes.

“With everyone,” Alex adds, earning a punch to the shoulder from Rey. “Ow! All I’m saying is—”

“No, you’re right. I shouldn’t have even gotten my hopes up.”

Yep. You were definitely getting blackout drunk tonight.”

“Aw, come on. It’s just in some people’s personalities. If you like him, go fuck him. He can’t seem to keep his eyes off you, anyway.” You’re not sure whether your jaw drops during Alex’s third or fourth sentence, but you’re definitely more interested in the latter.

“What the hell do you mean by that?”

“What the hell do you think I mean?” Alex snaps, and you’re a bit glad to see his normal personality return.

“Yeah, I think you need some sex,” Rey chuckles, and you can’t help but laugh at his own advice being used against him.

“Oh, please. I got some this morning.”

“I did not need to know that,” you mutter with a grimace, hearing Meredith laugh at your pain. She suddenly gets up from her barstool, drink in hand. Before you can ask what’s wrong, she shoots you a sly smile.

“He’s coming over here. Good luck.” She gives you a wink before walking off, leaving you momentarily speechless.

“Grey, you can’t just drop a bomb on me like that and walk off!” you yell after her, shaking your head and turning to the other two when you get no answer.

“Well I’m not the one who dropped the bomb, so good luck,” Alex tells you with a raised eyebrow, shushing you when you start to tell him off as well. “You’ll be fine. Relax. You’ve got this.” You can do nothing but nod as he leaves as well, remembering how long it’s been since you’ve panicked about something not work-related. Something like this. You had the ability to stay calm while a patient was coding on your table and you were elbow-deep in their chest, but making a move towards a guy you really liked? 

You’d choose scrub caps and the overwhelming smell of antiseptic over the talking stage any day.

Before Rey can say or do anything to calm your nerves, he’s already made his way beside you.

“Care for a game of darts?” he asks, giving you that same goddamn smile that he’s given you across the E.R. so many times. Butterflies explode in your stomach and you know you have to play it cool or else you’ll never forgive yourself.

“I think that would be great.” His smile breaks into a grin and you can do nothing but return it because his bubbly attitude is contagious. Rey raises her eyebrows, giving you a nod of proud approval before you follow Poe to a dartboard, taking a gulp of your drink just for the alcohol-related confidence. He starts plucking darts off of the board and you lean on the table, setting your glass down and trying to find a way to start a conversation.

But your mind is blank because he’s gorgeous and you’ve had a crush on him for so long. It was finally happening. Was he going to ask you out after this? Maybe you were getting ahead of yourself.

“I just realized I should probably introduce myself,” he chuckles nervously, setting both the darts and his drink down on the table and catching you off guard with how beautiful his eyes are. “I’m—”

“Poe Dameron,” you interrupt, holding back a wince when you realize you cut him off. “I’ve seen you at the hospital a couple of times. It’s nice to finally meet you without blood and screaming patients all around. Sorry for cutting you off,” you mutter sheepishly.

“It’s all good. And you’re [Y/N] [L/N], the famous cardiac surgeon.”

“Nope, I’m just the cardiac surgeon. You’re thinking about Cristina Yang,” you nod with a small smile.

“Don’t humble yourself. I’ve heard some things.”

“Oh? Like what?”

“Like the fact that you’re shit at darts,” he remarks with a grin. You can’t help but raise your eyebrows playfully, grabbing a red dart off of the table and walking over to the line behind the board.

“Whoever told you that must’ve been butthurt that I beat them,” you shrug nonchalantly, unsure of where all of this sudden confidence was coming from. Maybe it was the alcohol. The dart lands just an inch away from the center circle and you pout, moving off to the side and letting him take a stand. “I’ve only seen you around here for a couple of months. You new?”

“You could say that. I’ve been working for seven years as a paramedic in Seattle but I just got transferred to this quadrant.” He swings his arm and the dart lands maybe half an inch farther from where yours was, but regardless, you smirk because you’re still in the lead. “Funny. I’m usually crap at this game with new people. Must be luck.” 

“You’re joking. Someone doesn’t hit it that close on their first try,” you remark, motioning to both of the darts on the board. “That’s not luck.”

“You know what’s really not luck, though? You saving all those lives.” So that’s what he meant when he called you the hotshot surgeon. This man was disarming you with every sentence he spoke, and you two have talked for a grand total of less than five minutes.

“It’s just the job. You save lives too,” you point out, forgetting about the game and suddenly becoming more interested in talking to him.

“Yeah, but you guys do the real work.” Oh, forget disarming. He’s making you fall for him more and more with every sentence. He takes a small sip of his drink and you raise your eyebrows.

“Club soda? I didn’t take you for that kind of a guy,” you tease. Normally you wouldn’t be quite this bold, but you were already comfortable with Poe.

“I have a shift in an hour. Forty-five minutes, now,” he remarks, checking his watch.

“I just got off a twenty-eight hour shift,” you yawn, rubbing your eyes.

“It’s just the job, isn’t it?” he asks with a smile, and you can’t help but chuckle. “What made you stay in Seattle? I’m guessing you weren’t born here.”

“How’d you know?”

“Most doctors that are in Seattle aren’t actually from Seattle. Especially if they work at Grey-Sloan.” You nod in turn to his sound reasoning.

“I came here for my internship, actually. Thought I’d move to Mayo or Hopkins once I finished my residency, but I ended up getting attached to this place. Even if everyone who works here is cursed in one way or another,” you add with a small laugh.

“Cursed?” He quirks an eyebrow, letting you continue.

“Yeah. A lot of crap has happened over the years. Shooting, power outage, plane crash—”

“A place crashed into the hospital? I’m out of here.” You’re unable to suppress a laugh, gently pushing his shoulder.

“No! One of the hospital’s planes crashed. The doctors were out there for five days, if I’m not wrong.” Talking about it brings back memories of Lexie and Mark, but you’ve learned how to let it pass you by with just a sigh by now.

“Damn. You had to go through all that?”

“No, no. I was off both days of the outage and the shooting and I wasn’t on the plane.”

“Talk about luck. So you’re untouchable?” he offers with a sly smirk. You shake your head, biting back another smile. You seemed to do that a lot when he was around.

“Don’t jinx it, Dameron.” He opens his mouth—presumably to retort with another cocky remark—but your pager rings before he can say anything.

“Sorry. I’m not even on call,” you motion to your glass and pull your pager out of its holster, eyes going wide at the words on the screen. There was no way you could ignore this, and the fact that drinks with the man you’d waited so long to have were being cut short makes you groan.

“What happened? Is everything okay?” You shake your head, waving around the pager before holstering it and pulling out your wallet, slapping a twenty down on the table next to your half-finished tequila.

“Eight car MVC. I have to go in—”

“I understand. Better than most people.” Even though he’s reassured you, you can’t help but feel guilty. 

“I’m sorry—”

“Hey, it’s fine. I promise. I’m going to be in on this for the start of my shift anyway, so I’ll see you around. Go save lives.” Something about the last three words makes your heart skip a beat even though you’ve heard them countless times.

“You too.” You can’t help but say it with a grin, which is probably to blame because of his infectious, animated personality. “I’ll talk to you… later?”

“Yeah, for sure. Go, go, go.” You leave with the biggest smile on your face, bumping into Rey on your way out.

“I know that smile. It went great, didn’t it?” She nudges your shoulder, wiggling her eyebrows. You shake her off with a laugh as you both step outside and start towards the hospital.

“Oh, shut up. We have work to do.”

“I know, I know. But you’ll tell me afterwards?” You give her a playfully offended look, gasping dramatically.

“How shitty of a best friend do you think I am?”

•

•

•

Masterlist

All taglists are open! Send me an ask or a message :)

Permanent: @becausewhyknotme​, @criminal-cookies​, @theladyoffangorn​, @officialtonystarkprotectionsquad​, @justmebeingtheweirdmeiam​, @agentpeggybarnes​, @fantasticcopeaglepasta​, @talk-geek-to-me​, @letsmellowjello​, @thescarletknight2014​, @wemisshim3000​

Star Wars: @kittyofalltrades​, @arkofblake​, @m1rkw00dpr1ncess​

Poe Dameron: @yougottakeeponkeepinon​, @seekerofmagnificentmysteries​, @poe-damnnn-eron​, @lapilark​, @peterhollandkait​, @demigod-dragonrider-schoolidol​, @ghoullflower, @twomoonstwosuns​, @writefightandflightclub​, @lady-sloan, @poes-stardust​

Paging A Heart Taglist: @mndalorians​​, @cloud-leader​​, @softly-sad​​ 

[writer-k-pop]

The Chef (k.m.g) - Waning Crescent Hotel

Please read this (W.C.Hotel) if you this is the first post of this series that you see. Warnings: Swearing, Mentions of death Genre: Angst, Hotel Del Luna AU, Choose your own adventure, SVT x Fem! Reader Staff: Yong (Spirit General Manager) / Jiwoo (Human General Manager) / Soon Bok (Room Manager) / Mun Hee (Front Desk Receptionist) / Shin (Grim Reaper assigned to Waning Crescent) Word Count: Ending A - 4.2k / Ending B - 3.9k

W.C.Hotel | Seventeen Masterlist | Masterlists

"The pool is going to be cleaned tonight. And Jiwoo said that some of the lights should be changed out." Yong informs me as I watch Mingyu from above.

I silently nod and tilt my head as Mingyu dramatically adjust his long coat before sitting on one of the lobby couches.

Yong chuckles, "You're staring."

I blink and look at other places in the lobby, avoiding the fact that I got caught. "The others will never know about this." I threaten even though I know she would never leak that kind of information unless I wanted it.

"They will stay in the dark. As always." Yong gives a single nod.

"Don't say that. That makes it sound like I never talk to my staff." I whine, pouting.

Yong shrugs, "Sometimes I feel like I'm the only one you actually talk to."

I lean against the railing, "That's not true. I talk to others."

"Mun Hee and Soon Bok and Jiwoo don't count." Yong corrects me, "They're the heads of their departments. They have to talk to you."

I purse my lips and search for other employees I talk to.  "Well, there's was, no they didn't talk to me."

Yong pats my shoulder, "It's okay. You technically don't need to talk to everyone."

I stand up straight and flick my hair behind my shoulders, "Exactly. And more people should come and talk to me. I'm the freaking CEO after all."

"Yes, yes you are." Yong comforts me with a small smile. But just a really small one.

"How many days?" I ask, running my hands through my hair.

"Four." Yong answers.

"Room?" I wonder.

"64." She says after scanning her lists.

"(y/n)." Mun Hee quietly calls my name from behind us.

"What?" I ask, bored, and turn around to face him.

"There's, there's a guest at the front desk who would like to talk to you." Mun Hee says with his hand folded politely in front of him.

"Who?" I wonder because I never get guests. I'm me after all.

"They asked me not to say anything to you. Just to bring you." He repeats his instructions.

"Who gave you those directions?" I question and walk down the stairs with Mun Hee following. Yong walks away to finish the rest of her duties. "Why are you taking orders from other people?"

"She was very persuading." Mun Hee answers simply.

As we pass by Mingyu, our gazes meet briefly. He smiles politely and nods his head. I, awkwardly, nod back before turning my attention back to Mun Hee.

"Don't do it again, alright?" I point a finger at him. "You only take orders from me."

Mun Hee nods with large motions. "Only from you."

I push open the doors and stand face to face with Jang Man Wol, the former CEO of Hotel Del Luna.

"(y/n)." She smiles but it never reaches her eyes. Typical.

"Man Wol." I greet her similarly but without the smile, having to fight down the swell of jealousy in my gut. "Don't tell me you're checking into my hotel?" Mun Hee returns to his spot behind the front desk.

Man Wol shakes her head and holds out her hand, palm facing upwards so I can read it. "No, it seems I still have quite a few lives left."

I scoff, "Of course the Gods would give you 8 more." I roll my eyes.

"Trust me, I don't want them." Man Wol gives me a knowing look. "But that's not why I'm here."

"Here to rub your transfer into my face in person?" I guess at her real reason for arriving at my hotel's doors.

"If I did that, Chansung would never take me out to eat again." Man Wol pouts angrily before taking in a breath to reset. "The CEO of Hotel Blue Moon told me you're leaving soon."

"How does he know that?" I throw my hands up, "How does he KNOW that?" This time I turn to Mun Hee who just raises his hands and shrugs.

"Word travels fast, (y/n)." Man Wol says, "Everything in this world travels stupidly fast."

I shake my head. "Alright, so you know I'll be leaving my position soon. What about it?"

"Just wanted to give you some advice." Man Wol smirks.

I sigh, "Tell me, I don't have all night." I start getting annoyed that she is dragging out the conversation that could've been done five minutes ago.

"You have enough time." Man Wol pushes my shoulder, "You don't have a finicky tree that blooms and withers whenever the hell it wants."

"My tree is as dead as my soul." I cross my arms over my chest, "And as dead as this conversation."

Man Wol twists her lips in annoyance and she mirrors my posture. "I don't have to give you the advice if you don't want it?"

"As long as it's not some silly cliche." I banter back.

Mun Hee cautiously moves closer to us and we both give him an annoyed look.

"We're not gonna." We both say at the same time.

Mun Hee raises his hands in surrender. "Just making sure."

Man Wol turns back to face me, "Just don't waste any time and don't piss off the Gods." She says before swiftly turning towards the front doors.

"You're advice is common sense knowledge?" I call out after her.

Man Wol doesn't turn around but raises a single hand in a sort of wave. She exits out the front doors without another word and lets the doors slam behind her.

Next to me, Mun Hee flinches at the loud sound.

I let out a puff of air, "Don't piss off the Gods. Psh. What do you think I've been trying to do for hundreds of years?!" I yell at the doors that sealed her exit.

"What are you doing here?" Jiwoo walks through the front doors at that exact moment. He looks surprised that I would be standing in the reception area.

"Jang Man Wol just visited." Mun Hee answers for me since I'm still pouting.

"CEO Jang Man Wol?" Jiwoo questions, "Like Hotel Del Luna Jang Man Wol?"

"Yes. That one." I tell Jiwoo with a straight face. "She came to give me 'advice' but basically told me common sense stuff and I just- I'm going to need six champagne bottles to forget that shit."

I turn back towards the hotel and leave the two males to their business. Walking through the lobby, I avoid the guests as they mill around as I make my way towards the elevators.

"We should spend the day at the pool." A woman says as she passes by me with another female.

"If we do, do you promise that we can order what I want for dinner?" The other female wonders.

The first female scoffs, "Fine."

I continue to walk past but turn my head to follow them for a little. A little seed of desire for friendships sprouts and distracts me from the awful advice Man Wol gave me.

"Oh, I'm sorry." Mingyu's voice apologizes as he bumps into me.

His steadying hands on my shoulders breaks me out of my thoughts and I look to the tall giant I used to call mine.

"No, no, my bad." I stutter and step back, "I should've watched where I was going."

"You probably have a lot on your mind." Mingyu says with a sweet smile.

I scrunch my eyebrows at him, "Why would I have a lot on my mind?" I question him.

Mingyu scratches the back of his neck nervously, "You are the CEO, aren't you?" He asks, "I assumed you were since everyone respects you and you dress differently than everyone. So I assumed you would have a lot to think about when running such a cool hotel." He glances around the lobby in awe.

My mouth drops open realizing he hadn't heard my reception encounter. "Uh, yes, I do have a lot to think about being the CEO and all." I half smile.

"Well, you must be busy so I'll leave you be." Mingyu bows then walks away.

I sigh and repeat the duration of his stay. "Four days. Four days."

~The Fourth Day~

I sign the last leave approval for the guests that are leaving tomorrow and lean back in my chair. Closing the folder, I stack it on top of the other 8. I reach for my coffee cup and carefully sip from it.

Looking around my quiet office, I suddenly get tired of the space and decide to deliver the forms to Yong or Jiwoo myself. I scoop up the folders and make my way out of the office.

But just as I reach the doors, Jiwoo opens them first.

"Oh, hey." Jiwoo greets me then eyes the folders in my hands. "I was just coming to get those."

"I was just about to deliver them to you." I hand them over, a little sad that my distraction ended so quickly.

Jiwoo takes the folders into his hands but stops me from moving away by saying, "Oh, also, Mun Hee brought Mingyu down a few minutes ago. I was assigned to inform you."

I sigh in relief that I won't have to sit around bored out of my mind. "Let's go."

"You approved all of them, I assume?" Jiwoo glances down at the folders in his hands.

I chuckle, "What other option did I have?" I ask. "I can't let them stay here. And I can't exactly kick them out."

Jiwoo also chuckles, "Just makin' sure."

"How many leave today?" I ask as we ride the elevator down.

"10." Jiwoo answers, "3 guests have already left so we've got 7 more to go."

"Will you be okay?" I wonder, a sudden burst of concern appearing.

"Yeah, we'll be fine." Jiwoo says, "Just go do your thing. And we'll do ours."

The burst of concern disappears as quickly as it appeared, "Alright cool."

The elevator doors open and Jiwoo smirks, "We always do fine." He mentions before walking out of the elevator and towards his office.

"Have you ever been to Italy?" I follow Mingyu's excited voice to my garden, "They have the best and I mean the best pasta I have ever eaten. And the views? Ah, spectacular."

When I reach the garden, Mingyu is animatedly talking to Mun Hee, who seems to be searching for a way out. I cover my mouth to hide the smile on my face.

"I wish I would've taken (y/n) there." Mingyu continues and my amusement diminishes, "She said she couldn't travel. Something about her family. But now I know that's a lie." Mingyu rocks back on his heels with his hands clasped behind his back, "But I still wish I could've taken her."

"I don't need to travel." I say, announcing myself.

Mingyu whips around, eyes big with surprise. A wave of relief washes over Mun Hee's face and he silently bids his goodbyes before leaving the two of us alone.

"You should." Mingyu tilts his head to the side as if he's giving me life advice.

I shrug. "Can't."

"Won't." Mingyu corrects me and I walk to the front of the bench.

I point to the bare tree in front of us, "Can't." I repeat then sit down.

"So it was this tree's fault you always turned me down to travel?" Mingyu questions, sitting next to me with an arm draped over the back of the bench.

I nod, "That and my own fault."

"Oh, yeah. That." Mingyu looks down at his lap.

I grasp my hands together in my own lap and stick out my legs as my lips press together.

"The other day..." Mingyu says, "Sorry for bumping into you like that. Wasn't the grand reunion I had planned."

I look over at him and smile at his embarrassment. "I'm pretty sure the entire incident was my fault. But now I'm curious." I raise my eyebrows, "What kind of grand reunion did you have planned?"

Mingyu chuckles, "Nothing special. And certainly nothing I expected to have in the afterlife."

"You thought I would come back?" I wonder, catching onto his reference.

He nods, "For a few years I did. Then it became a hope that I buried but every now and then it would pop up."

I lean into him and he instinctively wraps his arm around me.

"I was going to find you and make an elaborate and huge menu for you." Mingyu continues, "I was going to cook all your favorite foods and some new ones that I'd learned over the years. Then I was going to send you an invitation to this private dinner and boom, we'd have dinner together and then I was going to convince you to stay with me." He sighs, "But that day never came."

"I'm sorry." I apologize and my shoulders fall slightly.

Mingyu chuckles, "Don't be." He sighs and gazes at the bare tree, "I'll just blame the tree for you not returning."

"It's not the trees fault that I screwed up." I pull my hair over my shoulder. "But if that makes it better. Then by all means..." I don't finish but gesture towards the tree.

"Does it have a name?" Mingyu asks, his eyes running from the top of the tree down to the bottom where the white chrysanthemums stand.

I bark out a laugh, "You think I would name it?"

Mingyu smiles slightly bewildered, "Is it that weird?"

"Who names the thing keeps them locked in a prison?" I question, sitting back and cross my arms.

Mingyu shrugs, "It still should get a name, shouldn't it? I mean it's been stuck with you for hundreds of years. What do you even call it when you see it?"

I set my lips in a straight line, "Hell, bastard, damned asshole."

"Okay, I get it. I get it." Mingyu raises his hands in surrender. He then sighs and lowers his arms. "I missed you."

My lip pucker in sadness, "I did too."

"Did you ever think about coming back?" He asks.

"A few times." I answer, "But I was always stopped at the front door."

"Should I go break down the door?" Mingyu jokes with a smile.

I giggle, "Well, there's no reason for any of that now is there?"

"No, but I'll still do it." Mingyu shrugs.

"Well, thank you for the offer, but I don't think that'll be necessary." I tell him with a pat on the shoulder, "Plus, I don't think we should be destroying the decor here. I do want to leave this place."

Mingyu nudges my shoulder with his, "Alright, I won't, I won't."

I give him a pressed smile. Without a word, I lean over and rest my head on his shoulder. Mingyu doesn't flinch but scoots closer and leans his head on top of mine.

"So you've only been here? In the hotel?" He wonders and grabs my hand tightly.

I nod, "Here in the hotel. Watching people come and go. Why?"

"Just wondering what you were doing while I was traveling the world." Mingyu explains.

"Where did you go?" I ask, my interest piquing.

"Where didn't I go." Mingyu chuckles. "I traveled everywhere and learned so much about so many new things."

I let out a puff of air, "Could you be any less vague?"

Mingyu squeeze my hand, "Sorry, sorry. Since I went so many places, I'll just tell you about the most memorable ones."

"Start with your favorite." I request.

Mingyu thinks silently for a second, "My favorite?" He mumbles thoughtfully, "They're all my favorite."

I roll my eyes.

"But the most memorable would've been the time I tried to get into pastries. Specifically the macarons." Mingyu recalls and my mouth drops open slightly, "Yeah, it was bad."

"How bad?" I egg him on.

"Like everything always overflowed or was too runny or never cooked." Mingyu explains and I laugh, "I swear I could never get it right. It was always too delicate for my ... crazy hands." He wiggles his fingers. "Like once I piped them out onto the sheet in their nice little circles but five minutes later, all the circles were touching. And then another time, I piped them and they didn't run. But when we took them out of the oven, they had like exploded while they baked. None of them were usable."

I try to imagine the incidents but all I can imagine is Mingyu's face of utter disbelief which makes me laugh.

"The pastry chef and I pretty much both gave up after the fifth failed day." Mingyu says with a chuckle, "She was cool though. Laughed with me when things went haywire."

"What other pastries did you try?" I ask.

"None." Mingyu laughs, "But I baked other things, breads and cakes, the more dense stuff."

My senses fill with the warmth and nutty scents of freshly baked bread, "Those must've been fun."

Mingyu nodds, "I liked how the bread dough felt under my hands. It was sturdy-ish like a knife but without the sharp edges and clean cuts. I could shape it and feel every part of it."

I hum in understanding and turn his arm over in my hands. My hand runs over the shadow of the burn scar on the underside of his forearm, a commonality between chefs.

"You still enjoy champagne?" Mingyu wonders.

"Most definitely." I answer.

Mingyu chuckles, "I thought so. You know, I went to a champagne tasting thing once."

"That would've been the most beautiful thing in the world." I say wishing I could've gone.

"You would've thought so." Mingyu agrees, "I wasn't the biggest champagne lover but during it, I kept thinking about the ones you would like. I even wrote the names down so I wouldn't forget them. But I lost the list when my restaurant caught fire." He finishes sadly.

My heart grows heavy as I remember sitting and seeing the news report of what had happened. It was over a year after I left him and the report had said it was faulty wiring that had heated up and caught fire. The amount of fear and sadness I felt was nothing compared to the relief that washed over me when they reported no injuries or deaths. But the location was the first one he'd ever opened and it was special to him.

"I heard about that." I tell him.

"You heard?" He repeats, surprised.

"I did. Through the news." I explain, "I wanted to fight the Gods myself until I read that no one had died."

"You were going to fight the Gods if I had died?" Mingyu asks, his amusement laced in his tone.

"I was." I confirm, "I fought with Yong about it for brief seconds."

Mingyu wraps me up in a tight hug and rocks side to side, "That's probably the most adorable thing anyone has ever said to me."

When I hear the word 'adorable,' my face drops, "I am not adorable." I say and try to wiggle out but Mings his grip tightens, "I am a cursed soul who should be feared by all people from all the corners of the world."

"Uh huh." Mingyu responds, unconvinced.

I blow out a breath and give up fighting against his grip. "Still not adorable."

Mingyu's chest vibrates with a laugh, "Still very adorable."

For the subsequent hours, we talk about his successful restaurants and the not so successful ones, his travels to different countries to learn different cuisines from the tops chefs there, the people I knew at his restaurants as well as the ones that came afterward. His face floods with love when he talks about his family and my heart swells with happiness knowing that he was well loved. We laugh through his children's early years and I listen in awe when he tells me what they became.

I'm sure he has more questions for me but the sun seemingly races for the horizon, leaving us in the dust.

The cool night air meets my skin and I shiver ever so slightly. The only warmth comes from where my arm is tangled with Mingyu's.

Mingyu looks out the window with a small smile, "And so the day comes to an end."

"So it does." I confirm and wait for him to make the first move cause I'm as sure as hell not going to.

"Random question." Mingyu says, tilting his head to the side while looking at the bare tree in front of us.

"Shoot." I nod my head.

"Do you think I could win a bet against the Gods?" Mingyu asks, completely serious.

I hold back a laugh, "I can't even win a bet against them. And I've tried." I manage to say in a steady tone.

Mingyu sighs, letting go of the thought completely, "Yeah, I didn't think so." He stands up with my arm still entangled in his. Instead of following his actions, I simply sit and look up at him with a small pout and puppy eyes.

He chuckles when he looks down at me, "I don't like it either but I can't exactly not go."

I rise to my feet and Mingyu's smile grows. "Are you my escort out?" He asks.

"Indeed," I answer, "I will see you off to your final resting spot."

Mingyu's face scrunches in distaste, "Ooh, let's not call it that."

"Then what should I call it?" I ask as we walk out of the garden.

"I don't know. Anything but that." Mingyu shrugs.

"Uhm, how about 'The Great Beyond?'" I suggest, "'The After After Life'?"

Mingyu shakes his head, "Ah, I don't know, I don't know."

"What don't you know?" I giggle, "In reality, it is in fact your soul's final resting spot."

"Yeah but, it just sounds weird when you say it." Mingyu nudges me.

"Why?" I question, "I say it literally multiple times a day to multiple souls."

"Because it's you." Mingyu reasons, "You were always like a symbol of life to me."

I scoff lightly and lean in closer to Mingyu as we exit the hotel and enter the night air. "I'm not life. I'm a full embodiment of finality."

"Not to me." Mingyu whispers in my ear as Shin and the awaiting car come into view. "Is that for me?"

I look at his face which is full of curiousity at the car that will take him away from me. "Yeah, it's the car that will take you to the other side."

"Aren't you coming with? Don't you have to escort me?" He questions and looks back at me.

With lowered eyes, I shake my head, "Unfortunately, I can only go as far as the car."

Mingyu abruptly stops a few feet away from the car, "That sucks."

I smile at his simple yet accurate wording, "It does. But at least I can see you off from here." I hold out a hand for him as Shin opens the rear door.

While staring at my hand, Mingyu bits his lip in thought for a few seconds before grabbing my hand and letting me lead him to the car. Shin bows his head and Mingyu's grip tightens.

"I didn't know I would be going alone." He mumbles, a touch of fear in his voice.

I face him and cup his cheek, his head leaning into my touch, "You won't be. The Gods will watch your journey there to make sure you're safe. And I'll be right here thinking about you the entire time."

Mingyu rubs his thumb against the back of my hand, "Will you be told when I make it?" He asks.

"No, they won't tell me." I watch his face fall slightly, "But I'll know. Trust me, I'll know when you get there." I comfort him and his face lifts again but there's still a weight on his shoulders.

"I love you, Kim Mingyu." I remind him and look into his eyes.

Mingyu looks back at me with unwavering eyes, "I love you, too, (y/n). So much." He says before pressing his lips hard against mine.

After a few seconds, he pulls away and wraps me in a tight hug. I wrap my arms around his torso and memorize, again, how his body molds into mine perfectly. With a big breath out, he releases me and places one last kiss to my lips before getting into the car.

Silently, I watch with arms folded as Shin closes the door. When Shin stands by my side, the car begins to drive away. But Mingyu rolls down the window and looks back with a wave.

"Love you!" He yells with a big smile on his face.

A tear slips out as I smile and wave back, "I love you, Mingyu." I whisper as he pulls his head back into the car.

Shin wordlessly leaves me alone when the car has been swallowed by the forest fog and I let the tears fall. Tears of sadness. Tears of memories. Tears of relief that his soul is no longer trapped under my punishment and now is on its way to peace and rest.

I spend a few more minutes standing at the forest's edge before wiping my cheeks and turning back to the hotel. Yong stands at the doorway, waiting with a comforting smile and more files for me. As I walk to her to continue my work and waiting, the moon rises above the horizon and a white chrysanthemum at the base of my tree withers away.

Return to the Navigation Page (Waning Crescent Hotel) to choose the next guest.

"Are you ready to go home?" Mingyu asks, standing up and pulling me up with him.

"Absolutely." I smile and let him lead me out of the garden.

"Do you think they'll have champagne there?" He wonders.

"I sincerely hope they do." I answer, swinging our intertwined hands.

We walk hand in hand to the lobby where Yong, Mun Hee, Soon Bok, and Jiwoo stand solemnly.

"So this is it?" Mun Hee asks with tears in his eyes. "This is the day you leave us?"

I wrap him up in a hug, only a tiny bit annoyed that he's being so sappy. "Maybe I'll get punished again and be back here by the end of the year." I try to joke but Mun Hee abruptly pushes back from me.

"Don't you dare say that. You better not return here." He says angrily through his tears.

I chuckle, "I won't come back. I promise."

Turning to Soon Bok, I thank her for her service and her amazing work. Something I never did and should've done more.

Next onto Jiwoo. I also thank him for his and his entire family's service then I unclip the bracelet that has held him to this place.

"When you leave today, you won't be able to find this place again." I inform him, "I hope that you'll be able to go and live your life happily."

Jiwoo nods, "Thank you for letting me work with you. I won't ever forget you."

I smile sadly, "You will. But thank you."

Finally I reach Yong who is sniffling and trying so very hard not cry.

"You'd think after all these years of waiting that I'd be prepared for this day." She says through sniffles.

"Thank you, Yong." I rests my hands on her shoulders, "For everything. Thank you."

With lips pursed together, she leans forward and wraps me in an unexpected hug. But I soon wrap my arms around her and squeeze her tightly.

We pull apart after a couple seconds and I wipe the few tears that have escaped from her eyes.

"Keep this hotel running beautifully." I tell her before Mingyu grabs my hand again.

With final waves of goodbye, Mingyu and I walk out to the foggy forest that will take us to our resting place.

At the edge of the forest, Shin stands next to an idling car with a somber look on his face.

"(y/n)." He says when we reach him, "It has been an honor working with you. I wish you both a peaceful rest." Shin bows his head and I pat his arm.

"The honor was mine." I tell him with a smile. Now the tears start to line my eyes as the realization fully sets in.

I'm free. I served my years of punishment and now I'm free to let my soul rest.

I turn back towards the hotel and look up to the top where the rooftop patio is outlined with bright string lights. Then to the mid floors where random room lights are turned on, some guests staying in while others opting to experience the hotel's many services. Then to grand base where guests would be milling around, waiting their turns to leave this world.

"(y/n)?" Mingyu softly asks pulling my attention to where he sits just inside the car, "Are you ready?"

I take one last quick look at the hotel before turning away from it. "Yeah, I'm ready. Let's go."

I lower myself into the car and Shin securely closes the door after I am completely inside. As the car begins to drive forward, Mingyu securely grabs my hand and I let his warmth guide me towards our final destination.

In the garden, the final chrysanthemum withers and dies so that no more stand at the base of the bare tree.