#private public partnerships from hell

[mostlysignssomeportents]

At long last, a meaningful step to protect Americans' privacy

This Saturday (19 Aug), I'm appearing at the San Diego Union-Tribune Festival of Books. I'm on a 2:30PM panel called "Return From Retirement," followed by a signing:

https://www.sandiegouniontribune.com/festivalofbooks

Privacy raises some thorny, subtle and complex issues. It also raises some stupid-simple ones. The American surveillance industry's shell-game is founded on the deliberate confusion of the two, so that the most modest and sensible actions are posed as reductive, simplistic and unworkable.

Two pillars of the American surveillance industry are credit reporting bureaux and data brokers. Both are unbelievably sleazy, reckless and dangerous, and neither faces any real accountability, let alone regulation.

Remember Equifax, the company that doxed every adult in America and was given a mere wrist-slap, and now continues to assemble nonconsensual dossiers on every one of us, without any material oversight improvements?

https://memex.craphound.com/2019/07/20/equifax-settles-with-ftc-cfpb-states-and-consumer-class-actions-for-700m/

Equifax's competitors are no better. Experian doxed the nation again, in 2021:

https://pluralistic.net/2021/04/30/dox-the-world/#experian

It's hard to overstate how fucking scummy the credit reporting world is. Equifax invented the business in 1899, when, as the Retail Credit Company, it used private spies to track queers, political dissidents and "race mixers" so that banks and merchants could discriminate against them:

https://jacobin.com/2017/09/equifax-retail-credit-company-discrimination-loans

As awful as credit reporting is, the data broker industry makes it look like a paragon of virtue. If you want to target an ad to "Rural and Barely Making It" consumers, the brokers have you covered:

https://pluralistic.net/2021/04/13/public-interest-pharma/#axciom

More than 650,000 of these categories exist, allowing advertisers to target substance abusers, depressed teens, and people on the brink of bankruptcy:

https://themarkup.org/privacy/2023/06/08/from-heavy-purchasers-of-pregnancy-tests-to-the-depression-prone-we-found-650000-ways-advertisers-label-you

These companies follow you everywhere, including to abortion clinics, and sell the data to just about anyone:

https://pluralistic.net/2022/05/07/safegraph-spies-and-lies/#theres-no-i-in-uterus

There are zillions of these data brokers, operating in an unregulated wild west industry. Many of them have been rolled up into tech giants (Oracle owns more than 80 brokers), while others merely do business with ad-tech giants like Google and Meta, who are some of their best customers.

As bad as these two sectors are, they're even worse in combination – the harms data brokers (sloppy, invasive) inflict on us when they supply credit bureaux (consequential, secretive, intransigent) are far worse than the sum of the harms of each.

And now for some good news. The Consumer Finance Protection Bureau, under the leadership of Rohit Chopra, has declared war on this alliance:

https://www.techdirt.com/2023/08/16/cfpb-looks-to-restrict-the-sleazy-link-between-credit-reporting-agencies-and-data-brokers/

They've proposed new rules limiting the trade between brokers and bureaux, under the Fair Credit Reporting Act, putting strict restrictions on the transfer of information between the two:

https://www.cnn.com/2023/08/15/tech/privacy-rules-data-brokers/index.html

As Karl Bode writes for Techdirt, this is long overdue and meaningful. Remember all the handwringing and chest-thumping about Tiktok stealing Americans' data to the Chinese military? China doesn't need Tiktok to get that data – it can buy it from data-brokers. For peanuts.

The CFPB action is part of a muscular style of governance that is characteristic of the best Biden appointees, who are some of the most principled and competent in living memory. These regulators have scoured the legislation that gives them the power to act on behalf of the American people and discovered an arsenal of action they can take:

https://pluralistic.net/2022/10/18/administrative-competence/#i-know-stuff

Alas, not all the Biden appointees have the will or the skill to pull this trick off. The corporate Dems' darlings are mired in #LearnedHelplessness, convinced that they can't – or shouldn't – use their prodigious powers to step in to curb corporate power:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/01/10/the-courage-to-govern/#whos-in-charge

And it's true that privacy regulation faces stiff headwinds. Surveillance is a public-private partnership from hell. Cops and spies love to raid the surveillance industries' dossiers, treating them as an off-the-books, warrantless source of unconstitutional personal data on their targets:

https://pluralistic.net/2021/02/16/ring-ring-lapd-calling/#ring

These powerful state actors reliably intervene to hamstring attempts at privacy law, defending the massive profits raked in by data brokers and credit bureaux. These profits, meanwhile, can be mobilized as lobbying dollars that work lawmakers and regulators from the private sector side. Caught in the squeeze between powerful government actors (the true "Deep State") and a cartel of filthy rich private spies, lawmakers and regulators are frozen in place.

Or, at least, they were. The CFPB's discovery that it had the power all along to curb commercial surveillance follows on from the FTC's similar realization last summer:

https://pluralistic.net/2022/08/12/regulatory-uncapture/#conscious-uncoupling

I don't want to pretend that all privacy questions can be resolved with simple, bright-line rules. It's not clear who "owns" many classes of private data – does your mother own the fact that she gave birth to you, or do you? What if you disagree about such a disclosure – say, if you want to identify your mother as an abusive parent and she objects?

But there are so many stupid-simple privacy questions. Credit bureaux and data-brokers don't inhabit any kind of grey area. They simply should not exist. Getting rid of them is a project of years, but it starts with hacking away at their sources of profits, stripping them of defenses so we can finally annihilate them.

I'm kickstarting the audiobook for "The Internet Con: How To Seize the Means of Computation," a Big Tech disassembly manual to disenshittify the web and make a new, good internet to succeed the old, good internet. It's a DRM-free book, which means Audible won't carry it, so this crowdfunder is essential. Back now to get the audio, Verso hardcover and ebook:

http://seizethemeansofcomputation.org

If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/08/16/the-second-best-time-is-now/#the-point-of-a-system-is-what-it-does

Image: Cryteria (modified) https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:HAL9000.svg

CC BY 3.0 https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/deed.en

[sapphos-darlings]

this is a bit of an out there question so don’t feel pressured to respond!

for super short context i was with friends, was talking about sex, briefly mentioned how i don’t like penis / “penis-havers” and was guilted to hell and back for it (“wdym you don’t like dick?? that’s so weird” and the like).

basically - how do you get over the guilt?? i feel guilty for not liking a body part and when i say it it feels silly but i’ve spent so much time in trans spaces and i’ve been made to feel guilty before for this so it’s knocked my confidence a LOT.

You have to remember that your activism and support are two totally different things from your personal boundaries and sexual preferences. You're not furthering women's rights or trans rights or anybody's rights by having sex or being otherwise intimate with people because of the category they represent. This is not a venue of activism. This is your personal life, your intimate partnerships, your boundaries, your right to choose who you share your body with. And if that "unfairly" excludes people based on whatever arbitrary trait that they have, that's just how it is; nobody is open to dating the whole world. Nobody.

Think of political lesbians, for example. So many women have been burned by women they fell in love with who felt nothing for them but thought they were making a statement by sleeping with them or trying to date them for ideological reasons. You can't reason your way in or out of attraction, it either exists or it doesn't. When you want somebody, it's innate. You can't force yourself to want somebody - no matter how ideologically, morally advantageous that would be to your own or anybody else's eyes.

Your sexuality is your own. Your activism is for the community, for the whole. Your activism does not involve other people's access to your body, you are not a public venue or a service that everyone should have equal access to. You are a person, a human being, a private individual.

You're allowed to draw your boundaries. You're allowed to want people who appeal to you, and exclude those who don't. It doesn't matter why you're excluding them - people, everywhere, all of the time, turn others down for whatever reason ranging from physical to political and that's fine, because that is just how dating and sex work.

What matters for activism and allyship is not who you sleep with, but who you speak for, who you advocate for, whose voices you amplify. And drawing a boundary between supporting and sleeping with a group of people is healthy, actually. For example - I'll always advocate for men's right to fair treatment and bodily integrity, and I'm even bisexual for Pete's sake, but that doesn't mean that men's right to fair treatment and bodily integrity includes access to my body. Like yourself, I am not a public venue. And if it's my choice to never sleep with a man, that's my choice, and wholly unrelated to whether or not I think men are people or deserve fair treatment. I am not a society, I am not a book of law, I am not a service; I am a person.

So - if you're an ally to the trans community, that's great! That's a present and important avenue of activism, and your support is surely appreciated. But your advocacy never includes or implies access to your body or your sexuality, or even your private life to begin with, to the group you're advocating for. You're not obliged to prove your allyship by letting people sleep with you or be sexually or personally involved with you to any degree. That's a horrible concept to push for. Nobody else's rights go over your own. You're just as human as they are.

But of course, it doesn't make everybody happy; just like any sort of rejection, any sort of hearing "I don't like this kind of person, I don't like this body type, I don't think x is attractive" is always going to hit hard and many trans people particularly struggle with feeling like they're just not good enough or that their bodies aren't good enough or that they'll never find love because of who and what they are, so rejection can hurt some extra through these already present vulnerabilities and hurts. But rejection always hurts, and there is no way to avoid rejection when one person in the equation is not consenting or interested. It'll only end in one of two ways: either they get hurt when you can't deliver what you promised them (romantic love, attraction, sexual compatibility), or you get hurt when you grant them access that you didn't consent to, or everybody gets hurt. This only leads to pain and trauma.

It isn't activism to grant anybody access to you specifically. You are not a resource, you are a human being, a private person, you have a right to boundaries, you have the ultimate right to be picky about who you want to be involved with, and your orientation, your bodily integrity, your identity and your boundaries are just as important as anybody else's equivalents.

You are a person. You are not a resource.

[astroa3h]

Elizabeth Taylor: ✨ Venus Love Style Reading

Elizabeth had her Venus in the sign of Aries, which shows her approach to love. Even though Venus is in detriment in Aries, making love a firey hell at times, she was not one to shy away from the flames. Instead, she danced in them. Love for her was not just about the tender caresses or whispered sweet nothings; it was about the fiery clashes, the passionate reconciliations, and the unyielding desire to experience it all, fully and without reservations.

Her 4th House Venus sheds light on how her love life was deeply intertwined with her quest for a true home—a place not just of physical comfort but of emotional resonance. Elizabeth sought a partner with whom she could build a fortress of love, one that could withstand the storms outside. Yet, her Aries Venus was always a warrior, ready to fight for what she believed was true love, even if it meant going through the fire. Evident in her relationship with Richard Burton, perhaps the most iconic of her loves.

17 degrees, a Leo and Fame degree, adds a layer of complexity, suggesting that her love life and her public persona were deeply interconnected, with each love story adding to her legend. Yet, this fame was both a blessing and a curse, amplifying her passions while exposing her heart to the world's scrutiny. The very thing that made her love life so mesmerizing to the public was also what made it so challenging to navigate in the private.

The aspects to her Venus paint a fuller picture of Elizabeth's romantic experiences. The trine to Jupiter in the 8th House suggests a boundless optimism and a willingness to dive deep into the emotional and spiritual dimensions of love. This aspect hints at a belief in the transformative power of love, one that could bring profound joy and expansion. It's as though Elizabeth's heart was a vessel for the most intense and soul-stirring love stories, ones that promised growth and adventure but also required her to surrender completely to the transformative fires of love. This trine to the 8th House also hints at the inheritances, wealth, and jewels she collected from past lovers. 

Conjunct Uranus, her Venus was a wildcard, infusing her love life with sudden turns and electric connections. This aspect speaks to the shock and awe that surrounded her romantic partnerships, the kind that could change the course of her life in a heartbeat. It was this unpredictability that made her love life so captivating but also so tumultuous. Each relationship was a revolution, a breaking of the old to make way for the new, no matter how unpredictable or unconventional. This can be seen in her sudden engagements and equally sudden breakups throughout life.

The opposition to the Libra Midheaven brings into focus the delicate balance Elizabeth had to maintain between her public image and her private desires. In love, she was pulled between the need for harmony and the urge for authentic expression, often finding herself in the public eye's harsh glare. This aspect underscores the tension between her public persona as a glamorous icon and her personal quest for a love that was raw, real, and unscripted. 

This can be seen in her marriages to Eddie Fisher and Larry Fortensky. Fisher's affair with Taylor caused a scandal that rocked her public image, illustrating the tension between her personal desires and her public persona. Yet, she followed her heart, undeterred by the public eye's scrutiny. In contrast, her marriage to Fortensky, a construction worker, highlighted her disregard for societal expectations about suitable partners, showcasing her Uranian flair for unconventional choices. Their relationship was unexpected and defied the norms, yet it was genuine, highlighting Elizabeth's desire for authenticity in love over societal approval.

Her love life was a vivid tapestry of highs and lows, a testament to her unyielding spirit and her refusal to love halfway. To be loved by her was to be caught in a whirlwind of passion, to experience the highest highs and the lowest lows, yet to always feel that, at its core, it was worth it. Her love was a radiant flame, one that could warm you to your soul or consume you entirely, but always leaving a mark that would never fade.

xox astro ash ✨ Get your own "Venus Love Style Reading" @ astroash.net ✨🏹

[galaxyedging]

Charlie SNL x f!reader

Warnings: Smut. Mentions of past infidelity. Angst.

WC:3.1k

Moving Upwards

Previous | Masterlist

Charlie didn't really have a destination in mind when he left. He just needed to get away. He couldn't take the look on your face. He could see the disappointment. There was no way in hell he could blame you. 

When your relationship, such as it was, had started he was filling a need for you. The need to be desired, to be wanted, to be a priority rather than a chore. He tried to tell himself that the first time was just lust-fueled sex aided by the ridiculous amount of alcohol in his system. 

If he was honest with himself he'd thought about you often. Your warmth, your grace, the smile that no one could resist joining in with. Once your pretty face slipped into his thoughts when he was having sex with his wife. For a brief moment he entertained the thought of you being beneath him. He shamefully pushed it deep into the back of his mind as he came. 

When he'd almost literally bumped into you when you left your respective bathrooms at the hotel that first night, a soft hand on his bicep to steady yourself was all it took. The two of you became a tangle of limbs as he dragged you back into the bathroom. He hadn't thought about you being in public, he certainly hadn't thought about his wife, he hadn't even thought about protection until you soaked his cock, even then he didn't stop as your body milked him through his orgasm. Afterwards he'd stumbled back to his room. Somehow he was hard again when he got there. He couldn't stop hearing all the pretty noises you made for him. He'd jerked his cock until he passed out. That's how he woke up. Head pounded, throat dry, stomach lurching, cock in his hand. Your cum dried on it. When he scrambled to the bathroom to throw up, it was half alcohol, half gut wrenching shame that caused it. He'd cheated on his wife. How in the hell was he going to tell her? He couldn't even explain to himself why he had done it. His marriage was fine, wasn't it?

That question weighed on his mind for weeks until your next business trip together. The clients had insisted that you join them for a whiskey tasting. The two of you had been professional. The mistake you had made in your private lives was buried, never to be spoken of again. As the whiskey flowed,  the two of you tried to refuse a drink now and then. Your hosts were having none of it. They saw it as a celebration of your partnership. The two of you smiled and waved at them as you entered the elevator, both a little worse for wear. By the time you got to your floor the two of you were sharing heated kisses. Charlie knew what would happen if he entered your room. In the moment, he couldn't seem to care if it was wrong. The bathroom was the first door in your room. Blindly the two of you stumbled through it. 

Bending you over the counter he locked eyes with you in the mirror. It was clear in the dark glaze of them, that you wanted it just as much as he did. Quickly rolling on a condom, that he'd brought in an effort to make one less stupid choice, he filled you. The whole thing only lasted a few minutes. Watching himself disappear inside you and the look on your face, head tossed back, eyes closed and lips parted in ecstasy. It was too much for him. He spilled into the condom with a groan. His orgasm was like a bucket of cold water. What the fuck was he doing? He promised to leave you alone as he left. 

The next time alcohol wasn't to blame. You'd both eaten dinner alone, separately, in the hotel restaurant. He'd made himself go straight back to his room. He checked his phone. No calls or texts from Morgan. He wasn't going to text her. She was the one that started their fight. He shouldn't have to be the one that fixed everything, again. He abandoned his phone when he heard a knock at the door. Seeing you through the peephole, his heart picked up. It picked up even further when you dropped to your knees and started to undo his belt. He should have stopped you. He didn't have it in him. All thought left him when your hot, tight mouth worked him over. He didn't even have the brain power to warn you he was cumming. He tried to pull out only to shoot his load over your face. Something snapped inside of him as he watched you stick out your tongue to catch the last of his release. He'd all but hauled you up and thrown you on the bed. He buried his face in your pussy. Morgan was not a fan of being eaten out but he loved it. The taste of a woman, being held against her and surrounded by her. Her invading his every sense. The taste of her. The smell of her arousal. The feel of her soft thighs against him. The sound of her moans. Watching her arch off the bed. He couldn't get enough. He eventually let you push him away after the third orgasm. 

After that he got caught up in being wanted. Then the more time he spent with you the deeper he fell for you. He never met someone as funny, smart or sweet. He should have known it would end up like this.

On the trip to Canada he decided to lay his cards out. He planned to tell you when you got to the room. Then you were so happy with his romantic gesture that one thing led to another. After hours of worshipping your body, the words had left him easily. He could have cried with happiness and relief when you said them back. 

On autopilot he'd made his way to the park down the street. He'd been here a few times this week when he needed to get out of the house. The first time he'd followed someone on an adapted bike. They used their arms to pedal instead of their legs. He'd seen something similar in the catalogue that Roberta had sent him. The one he hid in his briefcase so you wouldn't see. He didn't want to give you any reason to doubt he wouldn't walk again. 

He pushed himself down the same path that led to a cafe by the courts. He found that he needed to rest once he got that far. 

The basketball court was being used again today. The last time he'd watch a bunch of young teens practising, part of him itched to join them. To his surprise, today it was being used by a group of men in wheelchairs. He ordered himself a coffee and took in the game. They play better than he did even when he could…that was a stupid thought. Being in wheelchairs didn't mean that couldn't be better than him. He was so lost in the shame of his thoughts that he didn't notice the guy approaching him.

"You play?" He nodded to the court as he lined his chair up next to Charlie's.

"Not since…" Charlie looked at his feet. "...it hasn't been that long."

"I figured that from the chair." Before Charlie could ask him to explain he held out his hand. "I'm Josh."

"Charlie." He shook the man's hand. 

"Nice to meet you, Charlie. You're welcome to join us. We have a spare chair you could use."

Charlie looked a little confused. "It's a sports chair. Lighter. More manoeuvrable."

"Oh." Charlie felt stupid for not thinking about that.

"We play here every Saturday. We also meet up during the week. I run a group, a support group of sorts. You're welcome to come there, too." Josh told him, sensing Charlie's hesitancy he continued. "Don't worry, we won't ask you to sit in a circle and talk about your feelings. Not at the first meeting anyway. I know the adjustment can be hard. IED on my second tour. I got home. I got fixed up. I worked out how to get around. The hardest part was adjusting my mindset." Charlie bit his lip. Tears welled up again. "There's people that can help though." Josh reached into the bag on the back of his chair to hand Charlie a card. "If you need it, man. I'll give you some space."

Josh moved away before Charlie got himself together enough to speak. "Thank you. Maybe I could get a game next week?"

Josh stopped and deftly spun his chair on the spot to face him again. "See you next week, Charlie."

When Charlie got home, you were sitting on the edge of the deck. Your sleeves were stretched over your hands where you had been wringing them. He could see you'd been crying at some point. 

"Baby, I'm so sorry." He pulled you into his lap to hold you close. "We're going to be okay." He pressed a kiss to your head before resting his there. The two of you just sat there until the sun dipped and an evening chill blew through.

Charlie got his game the next week. Even with the sportier chair, he sucked. He also swung by the group. It was weird at first. He wasn't sure how to voice his concerns. Luckily, he wasn't the only one. The confident redhead next to him spoke up first when Josh asked about new members. "Hi everyone. I'm Angela. You know one of the hardest things I've found is talking to other people in chairs. I grew up walking. I feel guilty being mad about losing my legs when some people never got to walk. Ever. Then I feel bad like I'm assuming that people who haven't walked want to walk. I mean, they may be completely happy with how they are and it never crossed their minds. I don't know. It's hard because I like to speak how I find but I don't want to go around upsetting people. I don't know." She waved her hands dismissively as she finished. 

"Welcome, Angela. It's perfectly fine to feel that way. There's no rules to it. It took me a whole lot of time to see myself as the guy in the chair. I saw myself as the guy in recovery. When the recovery did come…it was hard. I had to accept myself. I had to feel at home in a world I didn't know anything about. I started by asking questions, being open about not knowing anything. I googled stuff I was too embarrassed to ask. I found online communities. When I moved out here I started this group. We're here for anything we can help you with if we can't, there's always google."

Angela seemed more relaxed as the group chuckled. Josh turned to Charlie.

"So, Charlie, you want to introduce yourself?"

"Hi. I'm Charlie. I was in a car accident, then a coma. I had to go to rehab to build my muscles back up. The doctors were hopeful that I would walk again once I build my strength back up and heal properly. It's looking less and less likely. I didn't even think about it being permanent. I was just taking it one day at a time. Now, I'm not sure where to go from here." Charlie forced himself to look up from the floor. The faces around him were understanding.

"You can still take it one day at a time. You just have a different goal at the end. You've taken a great first step towards that goal by joining us." Josh smiled.

Angela leaned over to Charlie to whisper. "A great first step. Is that a joke? Are we allowed to joke like that?"

The nerves bubbled over into hysterics as he let out a laugh. "I have no idea. I'm glad I'm not the only one that's confused."

Angela quickly became someone for him to lean on at the group meetings. She opened up about her relationship. About how she felt bad relying on her partner for so much. Charlie confided that he felt the same. He offered you a life with him now there was this whole different one that the one he pictured. 

"When I eventually told her my fears, my wife called me stupid. She reminded me of our vows and our fight to even get married. She told me she wasn't going anywhere so I better get used to it." Angela laughed, twirling the band on her finger. 

"Sounds like you got a good woman." Charlie laughed with her. 

"So do you. Don't keep her shut out." It was her words that opened the floor gates. He'd lay in bed that night and told you all of his fears. The greatest one being losing you. 

"You are not going to lose me, Charlie. I gave up everything to be with you. I would do it all again. I love you." You showed him by pouring all your passion into kissing him. Everything you hadn't been able to express quickly building to beyond kissing. Charlie threw your leg over his waist. His erection pressed into your clothed core. It had been far too long since he had been buried inside you. Pushing your shorts to the side he positioned his length at your entrance. Gripping your hips he pulled you down on him over and over. All you could do was steady yourself on his shoulders as he angled your hips to drag you down on his cock head right where you wanted him. Afterwards you lay on his chest pleasantly spent. "That was…" you trailed off with a sigh.

"I know. It was well overdue, too. I've been in my head so much. I love you. I love showing you how much in every way."

"You show me in plenty of ways. Putting stuff that I like on the shopping list when it runs low. Putting up with watching the same five movies when I've had a bad day. I appreciate it all. I must admit I have missed this way." 

"Well, why don't you come up and sit on my face and I'll show you how much I love you with my tongue."

"Charlie!" Your giggle warmed his heart.

After he showed you his love. You fell asleep curled up in each other's arms. 

The next morning, you woke up first. Feeling like you had a new lease on life, you practically bounced to the kitchen. It seemed like a perfect day for breakfast in bed. Cheating a little, you heated some store bought pancakes and grabbed a couple bottles of smoothie. Charlie was just sitting up when you came back to bed. Pulling himself up with the handle on the bed he hissed. 

"Charlie? You okay?" Placing the plates on the table, you ran round to his side of the bed. 

"Yeah. Just overdid it yesterday." He sat against the headboard.

"We didn't do much yesterday…" He raised his eyebrows. "Oh. I didn't even think…because I was on…"

"Yeah, you were…" He grinned at the memory "...but I got a little too excited and tried to thrust up too much. I'm just a little sorer than usual." 

He hid it so well it was easy to forget that he was in pain quite often. "Sorry. I forget…" you dipped your head.

"So do I sometimes. I almost faceplanted the other day. I forgot and tried to stand up to get out of bed. It was a really good day so I actually made it just off the bed. We've both have to keep adjusting I guess. Like I have to remember that I might need more time to recover from things, like basketball…" he took your hand and began kissing up your arm. "...or amazing sex. Maybe a hot bath would do me good. You want to join me?"

"If you promise to take it easy and let me do all the work."

"What work would that be?"

In response you simply stripped off your clothes and strutted to the bathroom. Making sure he got a great view as you did. 

While the tub filled you finished breakfast. After making a bit of a show of 'accidentally' dripping syrup down your still bare chest you stopped Charlie from licking it off. By the time the two of you got into the tub he was painfully hard at your back. "Now what was this work you were talking about?"

"Well, we still have to put in some work to adjust right?" Shuffling forward you reached over for the control for the seat lift. Pausing you waited until Charlie gave you a curious nod. Pressing the up arrow, you raised him until his hips were just out of the water, giving you access to his thick length. Turning and settling between his legs, you ran your tongue up his shaft.

"Oh shit. I could definitely adjust to this. Ah!" Taking him deep, your cheeks hollowed as you sucked him hard. 

Charlie's fingers threaded through your hair. The light pull at the roots made you shiver. 

"So, so good to me. I love you." He babbled praise as he got caught up in how good you were making him feel. 

After everything he'd been through physically, he hadn't stopped to think about what he'd been through mentally. The accident. His ongoing divorce. Trying to build a healthy new relationship. Out of a less than auspicious start, no less. The break up of his marriage could have gone worse. He'd been an asshole to his wife. He'd cheated. He'd lied. He could have done better by her. He should have confessed after the first time he'd slept with you. Stupidly, her didn't want to hurt Morgan. He hadn't saved her from the hurt, he'd just delayed it. Hell, he'd made it worse. Then he'd done the same with you. Part of him knew that the damage done was more than likely now permanent. The doctors had practically said as much at his last check up. He hadn't told you to spare you the pain. He was making the same selfish mistakes. 

Even being back in his head again couldn't dull his body's reaction to you. He came hard, a hiss left his lips then he was silent. 

"Charlie?" Rising up on your knees you stroked back his hair.

"Sorry, Baby. I thought talking about all this was supposed to help. It just seems to be keeping it on my mind." He traced shapes on your bare shoulder as cuddled into his chest. 

"It will help. It just takes time. Like everything else."

"Even with time, I don't think I'm going to walk again. The doctors didn't sound as optimistic last time. I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner."

"I'm glad you told me now."

"That's it?"

"What?"

"That's all you have to say?"

"I want to know how you are doing with it but I don't want to push. You can tell me when you are ready."

"Honestly? I'm okay with it. I know there are worse challenges to face. Remember that Willard meeting we had?"

"Will the world's most finicky, monotone lawyer going on and on?"

"That one. I'd rather learn a new way to live every week that relive that meeting."

"That really does put everything in perspective." You chuckled into his chest, it warmed him almost as much as your touch in the cooling water.

"So we'll be good?" He let himself believe it as he waited for your answer.

"We'll be great."

Tags @kirsteng42 @prolix-yuy @thegreenkid2 @hquinzelle @fangirl-316 @gracie7209 @jedifarmerr @doommommy @scorpio-marionette @sturkillerbase @harriedandharassed @aynsleywalker @mswarriorbabe80 @quica-quica-quica @rise-my-angel @adancedivasmom @graciexmarvel @kinda-nobody @movievillainess721 @munsonownsmyass

[justcourttee]

Adrien asks mari out and she says i would of been so happy in the past but now its too little to late. She's engaged to Damian but they haven't announced it yet

Bittersweet

It had been a while since Adrien had found himself in Gotham City. Too many years to count on his hand. Yet when he received an invite from Marinette he didn’t hesitate to hop on the next flight to attend her gala.

He had no idea that she had created a partnership with Wayne Enterprises, in fact, he had no idea they were interested in the fashion world at all. Then again, why should he be surprised? When Marinette put her mind to something, nothing would get in her way.

Ever since he had taken over his father’s company, Adrien hadn’t had much time to keep up with his old school friends but it hadn’t stopped them from trying to keep him in the loop. From what he could gather, Alya and Nino would also be attending, Rose and Juleka too. It would be nice to see them all again, especially Marinette.

Stepping out from the warmth of his hotel room and into the cool streets, Adrien couldn’t help but let his mind drift to thoughts of her.

It took Marinette moving to the States for him to realize how much he was in love with her. It was something he never wanted to admit seeing how much he adored Ladybug, but as she disappeared from his grasps, he was left to face his true feelings.

Glancing at his phone, Adrien confirmed that he was mere minutes away from the address she had listed. The gala was still a few days away, but Marinette asked if he had wanted to meet up for a late-night coffee, a Gotham specialty. Even her scarf that she had gifted him ages ago couldn’t hide the red on his cheeks as he imagined the perfect date with the girl of his dreams.

He paused, reaching the door of Deja Brew, his heart beating a million miles a minute. Somewhere in this late-night shop was his best friend. How would she react to seeing him again? Would she be as excited as he was? Would she feel the same way as she did?

Taking a deep breath, he pushed through the door, his eyes glancing through the scattered exhausted customers until they landed on her. She still hadn’t noticed his presence, her nose buried into her sketchbook, her coffee still steaming beside her seemingly untouched.

She was early.

The thought almost drew a laugh as he approached the counter to place his order. Of course she would have finally picked up some time management skills by now. Marinette was 27 and slowly making a name for herself as the future of the fashion industry. That wasn’t something accomplished by constant tardiness.

He picked up his cup, placing a ten into the tip jar, the hostess’ raised eyebrows making him smile. He could already hear his father scolding him. After all, that wasn’t the way to becoming a billionaire. You only make money by holding onto it.

Honestly, Adrien didn’t understand why he had to be a billionaire. His father said it would raise the bar for their line, but it just wasn’t in Adrien’s heart to hoard all of the money unnecessarily. Maybe the Waynes offered Marinette the same advice. Maybe they had something they could relate to together.

“Excuse me ma’am, is this seat taken?”

His heart had finally slowed down but as her eyes slowly peeked up at him under her lashes, it immediately began somersaulting once more.

“Oh Gods, Adrien!” She was out of her seat before he even had the chance to set down his coffee, her arms flung around his neck. He hoped and prayed she couldn’t feel his chest threatening to explode. “You should have said something! I’ve gotten into the bad habit of zoning out in public places.”

Her smile was blinding as she unwound herself, slipping back into her seat, motioning for him to sit as well.

“How was the flight? Did you fly private or first class?”

Adrien gasped, his hand covering his chest as if she had shot him.

“I only flew business thank you very much.” Marinette’s look of mock disbelief earned a small chuckle.

“That must have been so hard for you. I really am sorry you went through so much trouble for my sake.”

“You know, I would go through so much more for you Marinette.”

Her smile faltered for a moment, so quick that if he hadn’t been staring so hard at her, he might have missed it. Did his statement make her uncomfortable? He had only meant it jokingly with the truth laced in, but he was sure his eyes gave him away. They always softened when it came to her.

Marinette cleared her voice, her true smile shining once more as if the falter never happened in the first place.

“You’ve missed so much, I don’t even know where to start.”

“How about from the beginning?” She nodded as she dove into her move to the States and how she began as an intern for the CEO, Tim Drake, years ago and slowly worked her way up to personal assistant.

She recounted how Tim found her sketchbook at work one day and showed it to his father. Together they agreed that she was their way into the fashion industry, an investment that could open the door to many more jobs for the Gotham citizens.

It took two years, but she finally had a full line that was presented at Bruce’s first fashion show.

“So many big names were there Adrien! I really thought I was gonna faint!”

His smile became softer and softer as she recounted meeting the rest of the Waynes and finally after six long years, she had made enough of a name for herself to be holding her own official Gala, the Wayne’s simply a sponsor.

“That’s amazing Marinette, you’re amazing.”

She beamed proudly, her smile pulling at his heart.

“I couldn’t have done it without them. They are genuine and kind people and they are pretty much family.” Something glistened in her eyes as she spoke of them. It could have been obvious to anyone, Marinette cared so deeply for these people.

It was Adrien’s turn to falter as an ugly thought passed.

She’s so comfortable here, she would never want to come back to Paris with me.

He was shocked with himself. This was no time for jealousy. His best friend, the love of his life, was excitedly telling him about a future she had built for herself and the only thing he could think was that it was an obstacle keeping her from him?

Adrien desperately wanted to smack his own forehead, but for Marinette’s sake he straightened out his smile instead.

“I’m so sorry. I’ve only been talking about myself! What’s new with you? How’s your dad’s business? Do you have anyone you’re seeing?”

His eyebrow raised at the last question. She asked the question he so desperately wanted to ask her. And she did it so casually, equating it to his work and social life. Did that mean she was also fishing for his response?

“Nothing much. Dad wants to move from a multi-million dollar business to a multi-billion dollar business so he’s been pretty aggressive about money lately. He didn’t even want me flying over here for the gala.”

Marinette snorted much to his amusement. She knew how his dad was and how petty he could be as well.

“And as for your last question,” he paused watching her face carefully. “No, I am not seeing anyone.”

He waited for the reaction, any reaction really. But none came. Instead, she simply nodded as if she expected as much. Maybe he had read into it too much. She really could’ve just been asking for the sake of catching up. Should he ask too? Was that what she was leading up to?

Adrien cleared his throat before taking a long draw from his cup. This was so nerve wracking. She looked so content, so grown. This was a Marinette who had grown leaps and bounds while he was still stuck in this high school romance that was quite possibly one-sided.

“Well, I hate to cut it short but it’s going to be a long day tomorrow and Damian will be here any moment to pick me up.”

She slid out of her seat so effortlessly, her sketch book snapping shut before it disappeared into a bag that he hadn’t even noticed. Her smile was just as warm as he remembered, but something was missing from the girl he loved.

“Your eyes.” The words slipped out of his mouth before he could stop himself. Marinette’s smile faltered as she tentatively reached up to touch her eyelid, confusion etching it’s way into her face.

“Is there something near my eyes Adrien?”

“No, no, I’m sorry. That’s not what I meant. I just-” Adrien bit his lip, trying to string his thoughts together before he sounded even more like an idiot. “You used to stare at me with such soft look. I’m sorry I never noticed, but once I did, it was all I could see. Yet now-”

He trailed off as her lips drew into an o, her hand moving slowly from her eye to her lips, trying to hide her shock.

“-now, I can still feel the love in them, love directed at me, but it’s not the same love is it?”

She looked like she wanted to say something, but she couldn't find the right words. He knew she was trying to explain that he was wrong, but couldn’t bring herself to lie. It was the only confirmation he needed.

He slid out of the booth, his hand grasping the scarf slipping from his neck.

“Marinette, I was so excited when you invited me out tonight. In fact, I thought of it as a date.” She tried to reach out, but Adrien took a step back, tears brimming in his eyes. “I don’t blame you at all, please don’t think I’m saying all this to make you feel guilty. I just had to get it off my chest.”

Adrien blinked hard, trying to spill the tears clouding his vision. This was harder to say than he thought. Her eyes were so distracting, the sympathy oozing toward him in waves.

“I love you, Marinette Dupain-Cheng. I know you’ve made your life here and I would never dream of taking that from you. Hell, if you asked me to, I would drop everything to be at your side in an instance. Is there any chance at all that after the gala ends, we could give this a shot? Just one real date. Not some deluded fantasy I created in my head, but something we both consent to.”

He flinched when her hand finally made contact with his upper arm.

“Adrien, I love you. I really do. But you were right when you said my eyes had changed. That soft look is meant for someone else now. He and I had tried to keep our relationship quiet, but tomorrow at the gala, I was going to announce my engagement to Damian.”

Adrien couldn’t help the small sob that left his mouth. He was painfully aware of the few scattered glances all directed toward him, but he couldn’t help it. He felt Marinette pulling his head down until it laid resting on her shoulder, her small arms wrapping around his figure. It was embarrassing how hard he cried, unable to hold back his sobs any longer.

“I’m so sorry Adrien, I had no idea your feelings had changed. You were always chasing after a dream when we were younger and when I left Paris, I had finally decided that there wasn’t a chance after all between us.”

He knew she meant her words as a comfort, a promise that at one point, she would have gladly accepted his offer. Why couldn’t he have seen it earlier? Why was he so blinded by a partner who never even revealed herself right to the end? He had someone who trusted and loved him with all of their being and he ignored their feelings for a what if.

Adrien slowly pulled himself from her grasp, his smile shaky. He took a moment to use the end of his scarf to dry his soaked face.

“I’m glad you told me that Marinette. I really am. And I hope you and Damian have a long and prosperous life together.”

Her eyes widened, her mouth forming the wait, but he was already out of the door, running. It was a cowards move, one he would mull over all night. But it was too painful to look into the eyes of one you love and only find pity reflecting in them.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

“So you came?”

Adrien turned, his smile bittersweet as he embraced Alya, his fist connecting with Nino’s outstretched hand.

“How could I not support her? She’s worked so hard to make this a reality. My feelings can take a backburner for one night.”Their eyes all trailed to the center of the room where she stood, her arm threaded through with the man he assumed to be Damian Wayne. “Besides, you can tell. She loves that man beside her more than anything in this world.”

The glint of the ring on her finger caused an aching in his heart. Despite it all, he really did wish the Wayne boy no ill will. If he was who Marinette chose to spend the rest of her life with, then Adrien trusted her decision.

“I’ve never seen her smile so bright. And to think, I used to believe her smile was at its maximum blindlingness.” Nino’s chuckle earned a small chuckle from Adrien as well.

There was no denying it.

Marinette was where she belonged. The only thing left was for him to support her in any way that he could. And that was exactly what he planned to do.

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[thelemoncoffee]

Another thing! The flamboyant Supervillian AU really got to me so I’m ranting about that too :)

I really do love the idea that Kokichi would in fact steal the Mona Lisa or some other priceless relic and treat it like everyday groceries. Diamond ring? Check. Million-dollar art work? Oh, can’t for get that. And on his way out, most times he will flee the scene indescribably, but there are other times where he’ll walk right out the front of the museum “un-armed” besides a few ringpops and messes with the cops even more by cartoon grappling up the building. He always does it with new cops because the others just couldn’t handle his bull even after 15 minutes of bickering, to him the looks on their faces are more priceless than his loot at the moment.

The heroes are a different story though, because they just don’t come and go as they please. Yes they’re tired of his shit but its what heroes do or whatever. (kind of annoys the hell out of him, but not enough to stop stealing from fat-cats) Even though he looks frail, Kokichi actually puts up one hell of a fight, strategically more or less. Because a mega mind supervillain such as himself doesn’t have as much time for weight lifting than he does for a mental breakdown in his office.

Now Shuichi! He himself is known to be taken seriously and dealt with cautiously as he’s basically in the Top 5# greatest super villains list in the world. His cold, static demeanor when creating to carrying out his plans sometimes even puts off the heroes themselves. The reason he’s so good at what he does is because he used to be on the police force, getting honest and vital information from the source. This means that he knows the ins and outs of how police work, the law, how much evidence they have against him in a case and their private information. The end goal isn’t to use that against them though, the reason he’s a super villian now is because he began to realize how messed up the law and police system had became, and from the moment he turned 18 he’a made it clear he wants absolutely nothing to do with the police since.

Now, take these two completely opposite outviews on the police and heroes and what do you get? Apparently a match made in heaven. The way these two met isn’t something I can think of right now, but what I do know is that they hit off pretty well. Maybe a bump in with each other while stealing the same relic or historical art portrait, but they both decided in some way or another to let there guards down because it’s a fellow villain.

In disguise, they go on a few dates in public and in private to get to know each other, and connect over their dislike for the police and law. Soon enough they decide to stop talking about it and do something with their newly declared partnership. This may happen over the span of six weeks or six months but it’s definitely a slow burn, they probably only begin dating after working together in public, as they not only get to see how they’re like off duty, but what they’re like when they’re on the job.

When the two most infuriating villains in the world go on stand by for theft, the heroes begin to notice before anyone else, and just when they think they ran a cold case after all these years, the two bounce back full force, doing a double heist and making it very clear they’re now seeing, working and committing crime together. (Bonus points if one of the heroes are Kaito)

The heroes then begin to realize that their job didn’t only get twice as hard, but the multiple of that as well. Even by themselves their power is exponential, together they even managed to pass out presents to every kid in their area on Christmas. That is if you count Panta and lollipops as gifts. Not only do the heroes realize their job is harder, but that they really are made for one another. The way they work and act rub off on one another and they end up acting like their partner without even realizing. None of them had ever seen Shuichi show as much as a smile until he met Kokichi, and Kokichi had never taken a heist so seriously in his life.

Phew I finally got all that out, have a nice day/night!✨

yoooo i love this take! i like the sense of doom radiating off that last part, they work far to well together and the heros and cops are nervous

[syndxlla]

Part eleven of the More To Love series

Summary: You get a chance to reflect on who you are, where you are with your relationships, and what you really want in life with the help of your mother, the Queen of Corellia. You meet some new seemingly friends, who quickly prove you otherwise.

Word Count: 7.1k, NO USE OF ‘y/n’

Warnings: Non-consensual kiss, swearing, alcohol

Author’s note: i am LIVID. why tumblr only lets you have a certain amount of paragraphs in a post IDK! it’s dumb haha and the only reason i went over is because there is so much dialogue in this. BASICALLY. I am making the decision to go easy on myself. I know earlier today I said part 11 would be split into two, but i am going to just make the second half be part 12. SO. i made a new moodboard for this chapter! i hope you like it :).

i wanna say a big THANK YOU to @stinky-child for helping me edit this chapter and getting it out on time!

PART 12 WILL BE RELEASED THURSDAY, MAY 27TH AT 6pm PST, 9pm EST.

part ten

Koska escorted you back to your quarters, the castle corridors were finally starting to calm down a little bit, however, more and more special guests who would be staying in the palace over the weekend walked in and out of doors, most of them not paying any attention to you because of your drab attire. You hoped the knight made it to his meeting on time and dry. There was no way to know until tomorrow morning, however. Koska was silent as she walked behind you, her footsteps much lighter than the knight’s. Your hair was thick and frizzy from the effects of the elements, and you kept your face down out of a foreign sense of shame.

Keeping your face down can’t hide that sense of shame from everyone, however, and before you can make it to your room, you’re hearing a joyful gasp and footsteps pattering in your direction. You look up from your walk of shame to see someone very important to you, it’s not your Knight, it’s not even Soniee, no. It’s your mother, the Queen of Corellia. She’s accompanied by three Corellian guards and she’s wearing the most beautiful yellow gown you had ever seen. It was clearly a gift from Bo-Katan. You smiled brightly, relieved to see someone you love. It had only been a few weeks but it felt like an eternity. You had completely forgotten she would be coming to your engagement ball. You’ve been so preoccupied with the plans and teaching the Knight how to dance that it completely slipped your mind. Your mother had a wide smile on her face, too, and wore the traditional Corellian crown. You ran to her and embraced her fighting around the waist, something that was not appropriate for royalty in public like this but you couldn’t care less. You had been so emotionally confused over the last few weeks that there was nothing you needed more than a fulfilling hug from your parent. She hums with joy when you come into her arms, and she runs her slender fingers through your beautiful hair. You sigh of relief in her embrace.

“I had forgotten you were coming.” You admit, holding back tears of relief. She chuckles in response.

“You look a mess.” She replies and you’re the one to chuckle this time.

“I’ve had quite the day.” You smile, blushing as you remember who you spent it with. “Come, I have so much to tell you.” You pull away, holding her hands in yours and then leading her to the closest sitting room. You were finally starting to understand the layout of the Mandalorian palace, it only took two weeks. This room was the same blue as the royal color, you guide her to sit by you on the sofa, and Koska awkwardly follows. You look over to the handmaiden before standing and walking in her direction. “Lady Reeves, you are dismissed.” You nod while speaking in a regal tone, but after stating it, your voice hushes and you whisper to her, “Is he going to be alright?” You ask in reference to the Knight.

She nods once, “Even if he was late, he’s bound to duty by the Queen, he’ll be okay.” Your stomach twists.

“What does that even mean?” You ask, there is much he is not telling you.

Koska sighs, she seemed to regret saying that. “I’ll worry about him, you enjoy your time with your mother.” She nods to the Queen who was patiently awaiting your return. You smile a “thank you” and walk back to the Corellian Queen. When Koska closes the door finally, you slouch into the couch, feeling pure relief as you were alone with your kin.

“You look absolutely exhausted.” Your mother says.

“I am, life here is exhausting. There are so many rules, much more than back at home.” You awkwardly shrug.

“We miss you.”

“I miss you too, more than you know.” You were so homesick these days. “I had to spend four days learning all the rules and customs and I still take private lessons from the literal queen so I don’t embarrass her anymore.” You roll your eyes, knowing that you couldn’t express this arrogance to anyone else in the palace and taking advantage of the chance now.

“Oh, I'm sorry love, I worried that there might be a bit of a culture shock.” She takes your hand with hers, stroking the stop of it with her own cold hands.

“Is father here?” You ask, your eyes hopeful. That glimmer immediately fades when she sighs, her eyes leaving yours. “What? What’s wrong?”

“He’s not coming…”

“What? Why?”

“He’s… sick, I didn’t want to tell you but it’s your right to know. You would have eventually found out anyway.” She somberly explains.

“Is he okay?”

“Yes, we think so. But traveling and socializing in his condition was not realistic. We understand that rumors will start, but his health is necessary before an impending war.” She frowns, and you try not to let it upset you too much. “Enough of that, tell me about this place.” Her tone immediately flips.

You smile, “It’s so hot, much hotter than Corellia. I mean the heat is exhausting and the dresses are heavy and the tea parties are always outside and I always feel overheated.” You complain.

“Do you at least like the prince?” She asks. “Is he cute?”

Now you must choose if you’re going to lie, like you have for the last fortnight, or be truthful with the only person you feel that you can be. You sigh, and just look at her, defeated, hoping that would be enough to tell her.

She hums empathetically. “Oh dear.”

“Yeah…” You sigh, happy she understood and you didn’t have to make the decision of communication.

“Well, keep your head up, I didn’t really like your father all that much until we had you.” She chuckles.

“What?” You ask, your eyes showing surprise. “I had no idea…” You weren’t sure how much you liked that thought, your parents had always been an example of a couple you’d like to experience for yourself. “Why had you never told me?”

“There was no reason for you to know before now. The older you get, the more you’ll learn what you need to hear.” She explains. You supposed she was right. “And remember, it’s supposed to be a partnership—marriage that is— it’s not so bad if you work at it.”

“Well, he certainly likes being solo.” You humph. “He’s very kind, and it’s clear he cares for his kingdom but-“ You knew you weren’t being completely truthful with her.

“But what?”

You debated your next words. You wanted to tell her, more than anything you wanted your mother to know what was really going on, but you knew you couldn’t. You knew she wouldn’t understand. This marriage is a diplomatic solution to an oncoming war of her home kingdom. She wouldn’t understand the strife. “Nothing.” You feel untruthful to yourself, but you can’t do anything about it. “I just feel like I will be unhappy in our marriage.”

“Marriage isn’t supposed to make you happy.”

You hated that, it wasn’t the first time she had said it to you, either. When an arranged marriage was first brought up, she said it then for the first time. The other time she said it to you was about three weeks ago, just before you were going to leave Corellia and come to this ornate prison. It was your last attempt to try and get out of it, but she uttered those words and you had to live with it.

This time, you pulled your hand away from hers. “But what about love? I thought you loved my father!?”

“I do love him, but that didn’t happen for a long time, like I said, not until you were born.”

“So then what’s the reason for all this? For sending me here for a big ball and a fancy wedding if I am not supposed to love the man I’m sharing these parties with? How am I to enjoy marriage before children then?” You stand up on these words out of frustration. You hated feeling like your only purpose in this world is to bear children, to produce an heir.

“Love between royals is not a natural thing, it can’t just happen between any two people. There must be that connection there and it often isn’t developed for a while.” She chuckles. “What? Did you think you were going to live inside one of those fairytales your wet nurse used to tell you before you went to sleep?” She asks, looking up at you, surprised.

“What do you mean ‘between royals’?”

“We must do what’s best for our people, it’s selfish to marry for love when you are royalty.”

You feel defeated.

“No… No, there's so much more to love. Love is not selfish, in fact, I believe that loving someone with our hesitation and unconditionally is the most selfless act one could ever do.” Your voice raises just a bit. You meant every word you said.

“If you feel this way about love, then surely you must love the Prince. What’s the problem then? We’ve been preparing you for this reality for years, it’s not a new concept that you would not love immediately, I can only imagine you would feel so emotionally because you have those feelings for someone.”

Did you?

You consider what she was saying, your eyes trailing to the side as you thought. You supposed she was right, there would be no reason for you to feel so passionately about it if you hadn’t experienced it for yourself.

But you weren’t having that experience with Korkie, the hell you weren’t.

Did you love the Knight? You don’t know his name, you don’t know his face, you don’t know anything about him and yet you are starting to think that infatuation has grown into adoration. Your legs feel weak, and you have to slowly lower yourself onto the couch again, feeling woozy from the realization. How did you let it get so far? Your confused face turns to look at your mother’s, eyebrows furrowed and mouth slightly open.

“I sense you realized something you didn’t already know.”

You slowly nod your head. Unsure of how to react, you fiddle with your fingers, trying to gain your bearings again. You expect your mother to speak up but she never does.

Before the conversation continues, however, the door is pulled open and three Knights are walking in, a Butler steps in, “Her Majesty, The Queen.” He says before nodding and stepping away. Bo-Katan glides into the room, regal as ever. You and your mother stand up from where you sat, curtsying for your hostess.

“Your Majesty.” She takes your mother’s hand, both of them smiling and kissing one another on either cheek. “I trust your travels were comfortable?”

“Yes, your coachmen were very hospitable.” Your mother nods.

Korkie then enters the rooms with another young Prince who you hadn't met before. He was blonde, and skinny as a twig. He wore a white and gold ceremonial cloak that covered his right shoulder. You smile at Korkie out of Obligation, and he and the other prince bow to the women in the room.

“Princess!” Korkie cheers, “This is my cousin, Prince Hugo of Bespin.”

“A pleasure to meet you, Your Highness.” He takes your hand and kisses the top of it, his smile charming and blue eyes bright. You were flattered by the gesture, humming.

“The pleasure is mine.” You follow royal protocol. Then, another woman enters the room. She’s tall, an intricate headpiece adorns long, black hair and she has hypnotic, black eyes hidden by deep set, hooded eyes. She’s beautiful, with toned skin and red dots drawn under her lips making her stand out from everyone in the room.

“Ah, Her Majesty Queen Clarya of Naboo.” Bo-Katan introduces. The Elven Queen Ahsoka then enters the room, and everyone, even the Queens bow out of respect before the door is closed. The parlor is suddenly very full, and your intimate moment with your mother is lost entirely. You are suddenly very aware of your disheveled look, and try to run your fingers through your hair a few times.

“It’s lovely to finally meet you.” Clarya says, smiling. “I’ve heard so much about you.” Taking your hand and giving you a friendly squeeze.

“Oh… I’m afraid I haven’t heard much about you.” You apologize.

“No troubles, You are all the gossip among the other Kingdoms.” The eastern queen explains.

“Yes, It appears you are.” Korkie says, moving to stand by your side. “How wonderful that my beautiful wife-to-be is regarded so highly across the world.” He tries to take your hand but you pull it away, not necessarily meaning to, but it was a reflex that you failed to suppress after realizing you were in love with an entirely different man. He clears his throat, and the aura in the room is awkward, you aren’t sure what to do, so you just say the first thing to come out of your mouth.

“Have any of you gone to the beach? It’s lovely!” You awkwardly smile before walking over to the drink cart underneath a portrait of a Manda’lor of a past generation. You try to ignore all the people, feeling a little embarrassed that they were all seeing you dressed like this. You didn’t even think of what suspicion could be born out of that phrase.

“Oh yes, our sandy beaches are widely loved by all.” Bo-Katan takes a seat on the sofa in the place you had sat at just moments before, crossing her ankles under her gown. You shakily pour amber liquid into a crystal glass, your hand shaking as you bring it to your lips, taking a sip of the alcohol.

“Nothing like the Corellian beaches, I assume?” Your mother asks. “Our beaches are rocky and often frozen over.”

“Ah yes, but the Corellian ship fjords are lovely, what a wonderful exposure to culture you raised your daughter with!” Ahsoka sings.

“She turned out alright.” Your mother teases and everyone chuckles warmly. You turn around after drinking, and sheepishly smile. Gods you hope she meant that.

“Well, we are all very excited for the ball tomorrow.” Clarya says, “My assistant worked on a mask for hours the night before we left. It will be an extravagant sight to see everyone dressed so festively.”

“Of course, but we all know none of us can compare to the fashion and extravagance of the Naboolians.” Korkie hums. Everyone chuckles again. You nervously looked out to all of them, you had just made possibly the biggest mistake of your life and none of them paid any attention to you despite it. You had just shown Korkie your first and only sign of true disinterest the night before your engagement ball and you desperately wished you could go back in time and take his hand instead of denying the act of affection, even if you didn’t feel good about it.

“I think you will all be pleased to hear that it was the Princess who came up with the Masquerade idea.” Bo gestures to you. You smile with your teeth, trying to act normal and not like you were secretly dying inside. There is general amusement when that is said, and you can’t help but fidget with the crystal alcohol glass, wanting to leave the room and return to the comfortable embrace of the Knight on the beach.

“Beautiful and smart!” Korkie’s cousin laughs, putting emphasis on the ‘and’. “It’s not every day you find a woman like that!” Everyone laughs again, and this time you force out a faux chuckle to seem more involved in the eyes of the others. “You better hang onto her, Kork!” Korkie smiled at his cousin's words, looking over to you. You feel weak, not liking all the attention. If this much attention was making you feel this way, what would the ball with hundreds of guests tomorrow night be like?

“Yes but, I can’t seem to remember going to the beach with you?” Korkie asks, his diplomatic voice cutting through the laughter. You nervously laugh. He knew something was up. How could you be so careless?

“What? Did I say something about the beach?” You try to play it off cluelessly.

“Oh come on, we all know you aren’t that ditzy.” His cousin groans

“Your fiance asked you a question, dear.” Your mother prods.

“Yes, did you go to the beach sometime during your time here?” Bo-Katan is the one to ask this time, and your legs are starting to feel unsteady.

“It’s not a bad thing, we just want to know.” Korkie takes a step in your direction, making you feel closed in. “We all love the beach here and we are happy you have gotten the chance to enjoy it.” You sensed there was an undertone with his true meaning.

You weren’t sure if you believed him when he said this, “Is it hot in here?” You chuckle, “I think I’ll have another drink, would you like one, Korkie? You ask before turning around and pouring another glass of brandy. He can see how shaky your hand is as you try to fill the cup. He stands behind you, wrapping his arm around you and cupping your hand with his in an attempt to make the pouring more steady. The action startles you, and you flinch as a reaction, dropping the crystal glass in your hand. It was already partially full, and it falls down to the floor in slow motion, golden drink splashing out of it as glass shatters on impact, making a loud, crashing sound that sends shards out across the floor and leaves a puddle of alcohol to soak into the bottom hem of Koska’s sister’s dress. The women of the room gasp from shock, and Hugo walks quickly over to see the mess. You look down at the glass in shock of what you just did, your heart sinking and stomach churning. Lady Tano is the next one to walk over to you, taking you by the shoulders and guiding you to one of the arm chairs, helping you sit down. The room was deathly silent now, you could hear your pulse ringing through your ears. Ahsoka crouches before you, ruling your hand with hers and trying to comfort you from the unexpected shock. Korkies hands are balled into fists. Was he angry with you?

“No worries.” Hugo laughs, trying to be an entertainer, “Butler!” The Butler opens the door.

“Is everything alright?” He asks after bowing.

“Yes, we just made a little mess, would you be so kind as to clean it up?” Hugo walks Korkie, who seems to be just as shocked and embarrassed as you, over to another armchair. The butler snaps and then whistles and three young maids come in, each one getting on their hands and knees to pick up the pieces of glass.

“Princess?” Your mother says, “Do you have something you would like to say to the Manda’lor?” She awkwardly asks, clearly trying to make good from the situation, side-eying Bo.

Your pale face turns to look at Bo, who had that same disappointed frown that you always see on her.

“My deepest apologies, your Majesty.” You clear your throat before painfully looking over to where Korkie sat, his hand resting in his palm and expression down turned.

“Well!” Hugo takes the center of the room. “No use in sitting here in silence, mistakes happen! Right Auntie?” He says to Bo.

“Of course.” She smiles, physically accepting your apology with a reassuring nod.

“Lovely, would anyone like some music?” He asks.

“That would be lovely, Hugo.” Lady Tano says in her ethereal voice. He smiles and walks over to the baby grand piano in the corner of the room, the same baby grand that you played at for your Knight a few weeks ago.

“The Princess plays!” Your mother says, trying to alleviate any tension.

“She does?” Hugo makes direct eye contact with you. “Would you like to play a duet with me?”

“Hugo, she just-“ Ahsoka begins but is interrupted by your mother.

“Oh won’t you play for us Dear?” She asks, smiling.

“Please! I have wanted to hear you play since I was told you could.” Bo-Katan asks. It would be rude to decline a request from the Queen and the Host of the night.

You nod and stand up, that could be just the thing you need to feel better. You walk over to the piano, stopping just before Hugo.

“Bass or Soprano?” He asks, muttering so quietly that only you can hear it.

“Soprano.” You say. He pulls the bench out and sits first since he would be playing the lower part. You then sit next to him, your hands still slightly shaking.

“Do you know the ‘Dathomirian Waltz’?” He asks. You nod. “Lovely, key of D minor then, I’ll follow you.” He pulls his hands up to the keys, and you follow, taking two deep breaths, the first to calm your shaking hands, the second to conduct both of you in at the same time. Together you play a set of intricate chords, Hugo emphasizing on the bass notes, playing a complex scale that brought his left hand over his right several times. You carry the melody, playing just slightly louder than him and allowing yourself to fall into the trance of performing. Your hands finally quit shaking after a few phrases of the music, allowing it to soothe your nerves. Music has always done that for you. All of the nobles in the room smile, the Naboolian Queen sighing at the beauty of the complicated piece. You can’t keep the smile from pulling on your lips. Korkie’s cousin was very talented, much better than you. His hand brushed against yours several times and you couldn’t help yourself from thinking about the Knight when Hugo touches you.

This was something you would never get with him. You would never get to share a memorable moment with others, never get to rub hands against each other in front of three Queens, never get to look one another in the eye without shame or secrecy. The thoughts start to overcome your consciousness, causing you to play a sour note. No one seemed to notice, but you were more aware of it than you should have been.

A beautiful piece, carefully composed and rehearsed, performed with the intent to dazzle, the intent to impress. However there will always be the sour note, an incorrect chord that the audience might not hear but those giving the show will dwell on undoubtedly.

Like the Kingdom of Mandalore.

——————————————

“Rise and Shine your Highness!” A sing-songy voice calls out to you before pulling the long, draping curtains apart and letting the warm Mandalorian sun pour into the room. You groan and flip over onto your side, your body is still exhausted from yesterday evening and you would like to sleep in a little longer.

“Oh, don’t give us that.” A more brash voice groans and you recognize it as Koska’s. You can hear a number of other bodies file into the suite, maybe three or four. The handmaid's pull in the elven dress and a light breakfast. You can still smell the salt water on your forearm as you swing your hand over your eyes. You were not a morning person. Koska walks up to your bed before sitting on the edge of it, placing her tan hand on your shoulder. “We’ve let you sleep in long enough, we have to get you dressed and ready for tea with the Queens.”

“Queens?” You mumble, slurring the ‘s’ out.

“Yup, both Bo-Katan and your mother as well as the Queen of Naboo and Duchess of the Felucian mountain Kingdom are all eager to spend brunch with you in the Garden.” More guests arrived this morning while you were still sleeping, but it wasn’t until Koska explained to you about the women waiting for you that you remembered what day it was. You opened your eyes wide, flopping your arm onto the mattress beside you and looking up at her drowsily.

“The masquerade is today.” You say out of realization. She smirks and slowly nods her head. Soniee budges into your conversation, sitting on the opposite side of the bed.

“We have two dresses for you to wear today! This one,” She pulls forward a gown that isn’t quite as full and round as the dress for the ball, but is still a lovely dress with a pretty skirt and pearls embroidered into the bodice. “And of course the elf dress.” She nods to the pink and gold gown that sat on a sewing-bust, shimmering in the light. “We won’t get you into the ball gown until later tonight.” She hums.

“Now, we have to get you cleaned up, your hair is a mess.” Koska stands up and pulls the heavy down comforter from off of you. The loss of warmth elicits another sleepy groan from your lips and you stare up at the ladies in waiting frustratedly. “Up!” Koska’s serious voice commands and you’re scared enough of her that you jump up out of bed, pulling the nightgown sleeve up that has been slowly slipping down your shoulder and showing more and more skin. “That’s better.” Koska hums, “Let’s get you a bath, yeah?” She walks towards the bath room, opening the golden gilded doors and into the naturally-light room. You will always admire the beauty and effort put into the Mandalorian palace despite the internal battle with living here. You follow her into the room, still sleepy and walking slowly but eventually making it to the tub in the center of the room. The bath has already been drawn, which they must have done in your sleep (they’ve never done that before). You strip out of the cream-colored nightie and dip into the warm water. It smelled of lavender and honey and you allowed your muscles to relax into the bubbles. It was perfect, exactly what you needed to clear your racing and stressful mind. Your muscles were sore from yesterday and the warm water and flowery oils soaked them blissfully. You sigh at the sensation but before you can enjoy it anymore, Koska is dumping the warm water over your head, wetting it completely. It’s unexpected and you gasp from shock, your eyes glued shut to keep the water out of them. Damp hands come up from out of the water to wipe your eyes but then another dump of water is pouring over your head and you’re back at square one. Koska was a much harsher bather than Sonnie was.

All is forgiven however when she starts massaging your scalp, cleaning your hair. You relax back into the tub and enjoy the seawater and wind getting rinsed out. The other ladies come in, one on either side of the tub who files your nails, and Sonnie brings in a towel and silk robe. The other handmaiden works at your calloused feet with a pumice stone and you try not to let it tickle too much. It was true pampering and you loved every second of it. Usually there’s only one maiden to bathe you but five was divine. You assumed this was the treatment the Queen always received.

After you are properly cleaned, your Corellian tea is brought in and you’re left alone for as long as you like. You slowly sip on the purple shaded drink, waking up from it’s comforting properties. You sigh deeply, allowing the fragrant air to fill your lungs while you look out of the tall, narrow window in the center of the outside wall. You could not see the ocean from here, but instead the distant roofs of Keldabe. It was a beautiful summer day, there wasn’t a cloud in the sky and you could hear the birds who have nested in the nooks and crannies of the towers chirping. You knew you had a long day ahead of you, and you wanted to try and enjoy it as much as you could. You never really enjoyed the social aspect of royalty, and that’s all today will be, but you’re ready to brave it head on.

An hour passes before you are finally dressed in the first gown of the day. Your hair is braided back so that it will have a desirable wave for the ball tonight. You are snuggly tied into the pearled bodice of the dress, and you run your hands up and down the beading, allowing it to tickle your soft palms.

Koska pulls open the door, and you’re expecting to see the Knight standing there stoically as always, but he isn’t. The hallway is completely empty, in fact, and you can’t ignore the dreadful feeling that overcomes your body. Where was he?

You clear your throat, and look back at Koska, who was adjusting the skirt of your gown as you walked.

“Where is he?” You ask, your voice hushed almost to a whisper but not quite. There were a million possibilities behind his absence and not a single one of them was ideal. Koska lifts up from her crouched position, smoothing the front pleats of her dress.

“What?” She asks and you sigh out of frustration, there was absolutely no way she didn’t know what you were talking about but you had to be vague because of all the ladies in waiting listening in.

“Who will be accompanying me to the garden?” You say with a forceful tone, trying to prod at a deeper meaning to the question.

Luckily, Lady Reeves picks up on it, and she looks behind you. You felt like she was avoiding eye-contact and it only made you more stressed and confused. “I’ll be escorting you, Highness.” She nodded, moving a step forward and then taking the lead down the corridor. You follow hesitantly, and wait until you are far enough down the hall from the other ladies back in your suite to speak again.

“Don’t horseshit me.” You mutter behind her. She keeps her chin up high as usual. “He’s in trouble, isn’t he.”

Koska doesn’t answer.

“Koska, you promised me he would be okay.” You try not to let the emotion show through your tone but that was a challenge. You felt guilty for some reason. If he was in trouble, it would be entirely your fault. The words shake in your throat and maybe it’s the tight corset and the fact that you are descending the stairs but you’re out of breath and it’s hot, so hot.

“He’s fine, I swear to the stars.” She whispers, saying it straight forward instead of turning back at you in an attempt to stay calm and unsuspecting to watchful eyes.

“Well then why didn’t you tell me that?” You ask, twiddling your thumbs.

“I couldn’t… there’s more to it but-“

“But what? What could be so secretive that you have to keep it from your future queen?” You say through gritted teeth and immediately after, Koska is spinning around on the staircase and looking up at you with a furrowed brow. You felt like you were being scolded by an impatient tutor despite the fact that you out-ranked her.

“You don’t even want to be the Queen.” She says in a whisper-shout, starting to sound as angry and emotional as you were just moments before.

“You’re right, I don’t-“ You bite back.

“So why are you here, then?”

You aren’t sure how to answer, the obvious answer is for Corellia. You were promised something in return for your ability to produce an heir and look like a porcelain figurine on a high shelf. But you also knew it would make your family happy, and your Kingdom. You would be making them proud by marrying so rich. You made a promise.

But now you think you’re starting to stay for an entirely different and unethical reason. Something that is inherently a trap and you know it, and yet here you are, fussing over it at every change you have.

Koska rolls her eyes and scoffs before continuing down the stairs.

“Who spit in your porridge this morning?” You reply.

“You did.” She groans in response.

“I’m sorry, but what did I ever do to you?” You ask when you complete the steps down and start down another corridor, one section of the massive palace closer to your destination.

Koska is the one not to answer this time.

It infuriates you that everyone is keeping secrets from you, your entire experience in Mandalore feels built on deception and being left-out. And now, the two people who finally seemed to be on your side aren’t with you in one way or another on such a big day. Koska is angry with you for no reason and you have no idea where your knight is.

The rest of the walk to the Gardens is silent, and before you know it, you are plopped down on an uncomfortable wicker chair in the hot sun, sipping on lukewarm lemon tea and wondering how much longer you have to suffer. Your mother and Bo were giggling about something, the rest of the court buzzing with conversation and ignoring you as always. Was it possible that you were the problem? You ask yourself this after another sip of the tea, a lemon slice bumping up against your upper lip a few times. As you think, you hold the dainty cup against your mouth, losing yourself in thought without realization. Your pretty eyes stare down at the green grass of the Garden. The grass never gets green back home.

You start subconsciously bouncing your leg as you thought to yourself. Everyone seemed to ignore expect for Korkie and your Knight— who both want to fuck you. Maybe that was the only desirable thing about you. This wasn’t the first time you felt insecure about the relationship you have developed with the Knight. He’s so quiet, so different from you. Were you falling for a trick?

Was he?

Tea must have gone by fast because just before the pearls of your dress start to burn against your arms from the heat exposure, you’re excusing yourself and wandering back inside.

“Strange girl.” One of the noble ladies says to Bo when you walk away. You don’t hear it, you can’t hear anything except for your deafening thoughts.

“Are you sure she’s the one for your nephew?” Another asks. If you had known your mother was silent for all of this in fear of losing her reputation or even the deal between Corellia and Mandalore, you would have been furious.

“Well his father was an outcast, too.” One chuckles. “I guess you Kyrze’s attract the wallflowers.” A few hummed in amused response.

“Well his father wasn’t just an outcast, he was a downright scandal-“

“My sister loved him, and that is all that matters.” Bo interrupts. The laughter quickly dies out.

“Don’t tell me you believe in love, too.” One laughs.

“You aren’t married, what could you know of love?” The same one bo interrupted says.

“I do believe in love, which is why I am not married.” The Queen reiterates. “And I don’t think she’s the right fit for my Nephew, she’s too… outspoken. He needs someone who won’t outshine him.” They chuckle again, all do but your mother, who is still meekly silent.

“Well with the engagement Ball tonight, it is far too late to back out now.” One teases, and the laughter only grows.

Bo-Katan stares in the direction you left.

You huff down the hall, your arms folded and neck sweaty from the heat. You are looking back and forth, studying the layout of the hall in search of something. You’re looking for the smallest idea of where the knight could be but you aren’t very successful.

While all the fully armored guards of the Mandalorian palace are dressed identically, you are almost certain you would be able to spot your boy in a crowd of a thousand of them. You aren’t sure why, but there is something different about him, something that sticks out from the rest. Somehow you two were connected, and it made it so he was always plaguing your mind, even when you are with your literal fiance. Even when you are far away from him and have no clue where he is for the first time in two weeks.

Separation Anxiety.

You aren’t watching where you’re going, which makes you run into a tall, lanky boy. You yelp out in apologetic surprise, looking up at the person blocking your stressed search. A blonde boy flips around to look at you and you’re half expecting to see Korkie but it isn’t.

His Cousin, Hugo, looks down at you with his same charming smirk as always.

“Princess!” He bows.

“My apologies, Hugo!” You exclaim.

“Oh please, you are perfectly fine. You looked distressed? I hope It was not something I did?”

“Of course not!” You reassure, awkwardly smiling. “Uh- may i ask what you were doing in the center of the corridor?”

He chuckles, “Admiring this art.” He nods to an expansive, framed oil painting on the wall. It was of a tall man with a long face and alarming smirk. What stuck out to you, however, was that he held in both hands the same black sword from the royal portraits upstairs by the war room.

“The art is beautiful here.” You smile.

“Yes, my Aunt Satine worked hard to make it culturally rich.”

“Did you know her?”

“Yes, I am a bit older than Korkie, and I knew her for several years before she passed.”

“Are you… second in line?”

“I am.” He says with a classic amused smirk.

“So maybe you can answer a question for me, then.” You ask as you look up at the art. “What in the world is that?” You ask in reference to the blade.

“That, my foreign Princess, is the Dark Sword of Mandalore.”

“The what?” You cluelessly ask.

“A sacred weapon that the rightful ruler possesses, it’s rather powerful.”

“I’ve never seen anything like it before.” You look up at it in awe.

“Hah, yes. It is made of pure obsidian. The white is enchanted quartz veins. It is practically invincible, an elven Mand’alor forged it when he was just a boy.”

“What? There were Mandalorians who were part elf?” You ask, your eyes peeling off of the art and onto your companion.

He looks at you almost confused, “There is much you do not know about my Kingdom?”

“No… I’m afraid not.” You shamefully admit.

“Most don’t,” He shrugs and returns to the conversation unbothered, “It’s history is rather complicated.”

The two of you were quiet for a long time. Your eyes were glued to the stern face of the man in the portrait. You wondered who he was. Hugo is the first to speak up.

“You played beautifully last night.” You doubted he didn’t notice the incorrect notes and mistakes you made several times, maybe he was just being polite by ignoring them. You turn to look at him and smile kindly.

“As did you.” You return the compliment. He looks at you, and you must have been distracted by something other than him because you weren’t aware that his eyes were darting between your eyes and your lips.

Hugo forces a kiss on you.

Just like how Korkie did a few weeks ago in the library. It’s fast because you angrily pull away just as fast as he placed it on you.

“What?” You say like an idiot, looking up at him in shock.

“Oh come on, don’t tell me you don’t feel it?” He gets defensive immediately. The worst part is that it wasn’t even that bad of a kiss, much softer than Korkies, but nowhere as tender as the kisses the Knight would lay on you in the water or behind a closed door. Your entire body seemed to seize up, and you couldn’t get any words out. Not any words that you wanted to say. You just looked up at him, vulnerable and confused. He leans down to do it again but you’re able to turn your head to the side, keeping his lips off of you.

“I am… in love with another man.” You say, clearing your throat.

“You and I both know that isn’t my cousin.”

No use denying it at this point, “yes, but I am still engaged to him. I cannot just be disloyal to the future Mand’alor.” You mutter, embarrassed but trying to keep your cool. You knew you were lying, because you weren’t staying loyal to Korkie. No, you were outright cheating on him and you were falling in love with the boy you were cheating with. You were falling in love. You were very exposed, after all. Anyone could turn the corner or look through the windows and see you. It was different this time, however. Usually hiding your kisses are exciting, but that was only with the Knight. “Please,” You voice betrays you, and the emotional shake is heard through your clenched jaw, “Excuse me.” You push passed him frustratedly, making sure to shove him over a little with your shoulder. You angrily walk back to your room, finally getting there without help for the first time.

When you turned down the Corridor to your suite, you were hoping to see the beskar-clad boy who held you last night, but he still wasn’t there. You hold back emotional tears, but not seeing the one who brings the most comfort to you makes you break. Two crystal tears roll down your cheeks.

You have been taken advantage of too many times in this forsaken castle.

You pull open the door, the golden afternoon light reflecting warmly off of the gold-leafed furniture and decorations is a stark contrast from the bleak hallway. Your bed has been made, and things have been tidied up since you were in here last. You flop onto the mattress, your arms stretched out from your sides, looking up at the sheer canopy above where you lay.

Two hours pass. You think you fell asleep but you cannot remember. If you did, no dreams were had.

Soniee opens your door with trepidation after two soft knocks, “Princess, It is time to prepare for the ball.” Her voice is so timid. You twist your head to look at her, the other ladies from this morning were behind her. Koska was not with them.

You sit up from the bed, rubbing a crook in your neck from how you were laying...

—

authors note (again): i know this isn’t the best chapter ending but ya know... IT WASNT SUPPOSED TO BE

Anyways..... see you tomorrow? i guess? haha

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—

part twelve

[fubukiswifenoimnotjoking]

One Punch Man ship reviews bc I’m bored

WARNING: BIG ONE PUNCH MAN WEBCOMIC AND MANGA SPOILERS

GenoSai: do I even have to say it?? They compliment each other so well and are already besties. They make me so happy and I love their love. Genos literally came into Saitama’s life and brought so much new life and excitement when Saitama thought he’d never get any. Genos gives him love and appreciation all the time and never abandons him. Saitama isn’t connected to his feelings, but he cares about Genos and would do just about anything for him, to keep him safe. Genos constantly teases Saitama and Saitama grumbles and takes it with some banter, Genos is super emotional and Saitama does his best to comfort him, they fucking love shopping together and just hanging out period, they talk about the dumbest shit and somehow they still understand each other with the one brain cell they both share. It takes Genos forever to realize his feelings are deeper and Saitama has to be TOLD by their friends that he should fucking realize his feelings already. Just...I could keep going but I’ll stop! 2718873737839439/10 (let’s not talk about the age gap btw, 6 years isn’t bad and Genos is a legal adult.)

FubuSai: the stereotypical straight ship ppl gravitate to. Eh. I can see it, but at the same time I feel like they don’t completely compliment each other. Are they a hot couple? Duh. But I feel like their pride and communication issues would get in the way. 4/10

TatsuSai: hnghhhh. Someone mentioned this before, can’t remember who, but Saitama literally thinks she’s a child in canon. So that just....makes it gross. Same problems as FubuSai but worse. I’d rather see them as hesitant friends w a weird bond. 0/10

SonSai/SonicSai/idk the ship name: eh, toxic. Cant see them getting past communication issues and pride, again. Plus Sonic wants to kill his ass. Also, I just feel no romantic tension?? Even in fanfic it just falls flat for me. 3/10

MumenSai: a favorite!! Wish I saw it more, it’s very cute. Mumen is so kind and would absolutely be there to help him w self esteem and just help him be a better person period. And Saitama would have a cute little kind guy to tease and open up to. I could maybe see Mumen’s kindness getting on Saitama’s nerves when he’s in a bad mood bc Mumen almost never snaps and Saitama feels shittier, or maybe Mumen being mad at Saitama for being kinda lazy at home while Mumen is working his ass off and he’s like babe I just got home, please stop playing the fucking game and pay attention to me I have a concussion again. Prob too nitpicky on this one, heh, but 8.4/10

Genos x Sonic: wtf? As a crack ship, sure. That’s hilarious. But as a serious ship, 1.3/10 bc I could MAYBE see them bond over their love of my chemical romance or sum.

Anyone x Puri: -128382839287473828739219833468282/10. Fuck Puri.

TatsuKing: eh. Indifferent on this one too. I can see them getting along and Tatsu being the mean but supportive gf in public, but a sweet gf in private. King could be like her calm oasis of video games and sweet blonde shy bf. I sway more towards ace/aro King and queer non binary Tatsu, but this is still good. 6/10

FubuPsy/Fubuki x Psykos/idk: hell yeah!! This series NEEDS more wlw ships, both for me to project onto and to cry over. Prob my fav Fubuki ship, cuz they’ve known each other since they were young and had a tenuous friendship. I didn’t use to ship it until I saw that scene in the wc after the MA arc (u know the one) but here we are. They’re big personalities so any interaction is bound to be chaotic at first, but I really think they’d work. Pride put to the side, Psykos could be someone for Fubuki to finally rely on other than the Blizzard Bunch, someone to confide in, a badass partner to fight monsters with, talk about nothing for hours with, be a super fashionable #girlboss couple with, and someone who would really see her for who she is-especially w Psykos knowledge of her from the past. Hell, Psykos might even know her better than Tatsumaki. Fubuki could be an anchor to her like she currently is in the wc, providing a quiet comfort and making her open up little by little. Would prob be toxic at first bc of the MA arc and their desire for power, but is a very good ship I think. 9/10

Speedal/Sonic x Mumen: an old fav! Sonic would have a hard time not hating Mumen at first bc he’s the picture definition of a hero, sum he hates. But hanging out with him would show him Mumen is a GOOD guy genuinely and he’d be like ohhhh shit I’m in love w this man. Mumen would thoroughly appreciate someone to make him live a little, break some rules and stand up to ppl when they talk over him. He’d DEFINITELY be upset when finding out Sonic is an assassin, but would prob be conflicted bc he knows Sonic is a good person despite that. Would prob make Sonic give up on killing for them to be together. Sucks bc of the assassin thing and bc they haven’t met in canon! So we’re not sure how they’d interact with each other, sigh. 7.4/10

Okamaitachi x Bushidrill: a very underrated ship! To be clear, I headcanon Kama as a trans woman and so does most of the fandom. Anyway, very sweet and already built as a friendship bc of their partnership under Atomic Samurai. I can’t remember who writes fic and makes art of them on tumblr but AAAAA it’s so good! Very sweet. Basically depicted Bushi as a nervous himbo who’s honest about his feelings but scared to say them and Kama as a sweet lady who’s crazy about Bushi. Very sweet. Want more of them!! 6.1/10

OneZon/Zombieman x One Shotter: never even thought of the ship till I saw @megidolan art work! Very wholesome, and from what little we know of Shotter we know he’s a sort of nervous yet strong willed guy, and Zombieman would totally help him calm down bc he’s so chill. I could see them sharing cigarettes and talking shit on heroes while cuddling u know? 7/10 only because I don’t see enough of it but very good concept.

Mumarou/Mumen x Garou: a lot of ppl are gonna hate me for this but....I don’t like it. I’ve tried! I just—idk. I’ve read so many good fics about them that make me like it a bit, but the concept is just eh. I think their relationship is, in most reps, really cliche angsty stuff. I wish I could elaborate I just...gah! Basically, there’s better ships for the both of them imo. Sorry!! 4.3/10

Sonic x Flashy/SonFlash: yes!! Prob my fav Sonic ship. They have soooo much tension, it’s almost worse than Genos’ tension w Saitama. Flashy LITERALLY poisoned Sonic so that he wouldn’t be forced to kill him at the ninja graduation. He cares. They’ll never say it out loud, but they care. They have someone who understands what they went through in each other and someone they’re both so similar to, yet so different from. Sonic is more vocal about his expressions and let’s people know it while Flashy often keeps things to himself, they could really influence the other to be more this or that. I could see a lot of comfort with these two, and not much is needed for relationship development; they already have so much unspoken between them after meeting for the first time in years. Love it. Wish I saw it more! 10/11

KingSai: wonderful! Out of the few ppl Saitama is close to, def my second fav pick for a ship for him. There’s a post saying how Saitama doesn’t cut King off when he’s going on rants about games and stuff bc he’s talking TO Saitama, not at him like Genos tends to do on accident. They’re already great buddies! Saitama could find a shy gamer man who he can talk to about manga and stuff and also a passionate bf who could break out of his shell w Saitama and be himself with no lies. King can have someone to protect him, duh, someone who finally understands his weird sense of humor, and someone to shower him in the love and kindness he deserves when Saitama is in the mood to be all out like that w his affections. Plus he’s Saitama’s anchor and brings him back down when he’s super anxious and depressed and tells him what’s up that he needs to fix without sugarcoating it. Would def have a bunch of inside jokes and go on dates that are just staying inside playing video games all night. Domestic af. 10/10

Fubuki x Mizuki: my first wlw Fubuki ship! Hard to find but very good. Mizuki is this big ball of kindness, energy, and raw power that would make Fubuki go ‘Ohhhhhhh, big pretty lady make brain go brrr.’ I could see Mizuki grounding Fubuki when she’s in over her head, giving her random gifts bc she saw sum and thought of her, doing a marathon run and wildly waving at Fubuki in the crowd, and all around being a dependable woman confident in herself and in love with a mysterious esper. Prob a little shy when it comes to anything physical bc she loves Fubuki so much and is overwhelmed by the realness of being w her. Fubuki gives Mizuki advice on ‘acting like a proper hero’ or whatever and though Mizuki thinks she doesn’t need it, Fubuki still helps her a lot w her career and being taken more seriously by others. Would give Mizuki someone who loves her for who she is and would go wild on her in private when she can be open about her affection, would be someone Mizuki could exercise with and listen intently to Mizuki’s physical knowledge, and would absolutely bandage her when she’s all banged up. Hnghh love this ship. It’s only behind the FubuPsy ship juuuuust a little bc they haven’t met in canon so we can’t be sure about their interactions and stuff. 8.8/10, I love WOMEN

Batarou: how could I go this far without mentioning them?! They have SOOOO much tension in the centichoro fight, like come on. Both snarky assholes who are huge softies one the inside, Badd being the more logical one (still a himbo, tho) and Garou being the more chaotic one. Probably take forever to admit their feelings bc they’re so prideful and stupid <3 flirt through constant wrestling matches and it takes Genos saying ‘they should kiss already, they’re getting on his nerves’ for them to finally realize what’s up. (@rayadraws has a great au where Garou Genos and Badd are a chaotic friend squad and Genos is the only brain of the group, haha. Very good au y’all check it out!) Would constantly pick on each other affectionately and switch into concerned SO when the other is hurt like the big teddy bears they are. Raise Zenko together for sure. Garou would fumble being romantic and Badd would find it both hilarious and cute. 11/12

Zombie mask/Amai x Zombieman:

So. I don’t like Amai Mask and I used to hate him, BUT the webcomic and fic have really helped me calm down on him (he’s still a dick tho), so it’s easier to want to ship him and stuff. Bc of Amai’s anger issues and controlling behavior, I could see this relationship being super toxic and icky—but I think they have some form of understanding that pulls Amai back from being a complete dick, you know? Start off as fuck buddies and slowly form something else from spending companionable time together other than screwing. Zombieman pulls Amai back from his angry fits and soothes him over with his logic. Talk maaaaaad shit about heroes, but only when they’re alone because Zombieman knows Amai will talk loud af about the heroes they’re roasting and Zombie doesn’t wanna stop a fight from happening. Zombieman loves making Amai flustered and has a secret check list in his head of all the things that get Amai red faced. Loves to listen to Amai rant about things for hours and loves to watch his face go through almost cartoon like expressions as he talks. He won’t admit it, but Zombie loves to be spoiled by Amai’s shit tons of cash and often takes rides in Amai’s limos when he wants to smoke and think to himself. Amai has a hard time realizing how his feelings have changed, but gets hit hard with it when he wakes up to Zombie making them breakfast one morning while wearing Amai’s underwear. Amai also loves to spoil Zombie and takes him out to restaurants and buys him cool new weapons on the weekends. @batneko has pretty much gotten me into this ship and I strongly suggest looking at their works! 7.9/10

DemonKnight/Genos x Zero/Drive Knight: I’m pretty sure this used to be a crack ship before the past like 10 manga chapters—and now here we are! Not a fav bc 1. ZERO LEFT GENOS TO SELF DESTRUCT AFTER THEY COMBINED TO FORM THE FUCKING JET HE WAS JUST LIKE lol bye SO LIKE if he left him to die that’s super hard for me to forgive and ship grrr 2. Disregarding the manga’s canon and looking at the wc, while I love the little trip they went on where Zero demonstrated his abilities and helped Genos kill monsters, it’s super sus. He knew alllll of this info on Metal Knight and was super supportive and understanding when Genos said he needed time to think. Like,,,what are his intentions? We know so little about him—is he trying to trick Genos or was he being sincere? THAT STUFF ASIDE, they’re a really fun ship. They’re both huge fucking nerds and can keep up with their talk on robotics for hours, they’re both cyborgs so they understand each other’s pain, and they’re both super cool and angsty. I think they could really settle into a deep bond that can go platonic or romantic, just depends. Genos needs more ppl in his life so hell yeah! Plus, he can really let go with Zero bc they don’t have that teacher/student relationship and Zero, if he’s really a sincere and kind guy like in the wc, can be there for Genos and listen to him. Don’t have much to say on this ship other than @wellthisisembarrassing makes GORGEOUS art of them! 6.3/10

Webuiko/Suiko x Webigaza: YEAH I KNOW THEY HAVENT INTERACTED IN CANON AND WE DONT KNOW MUCH ABOUT THEM BUT HEAR ME OUT. Webigaza—cool af determined cyborg idol who’s surprisingly down to earth when talking with Child Emperor. Suiko—sassy and honest fighter who doesn’t take shit and is very passionate. Suiko would go to talk to Web then immediately freak out bc aaaa she’s way prettier than she thought, she can’t do this! Web would have to gently encourage Suiko to talk and at first is like ‘ah man, must be an adoring fan, ugh I’m so tired. At least she’s hot’ but when Suiko snaps out of her shyness Web is like oh! She’s super cool wtf. Always bump into each other during fights and help each other get fixed up, Suiko using her muscle power to lift Web’s pieces (and give Web a great view of Suiko’s muscles holy SHIT) and Web would patch Suiko up. Not to be stereotypical, but they’re def a masc/femme couple. I love the idea of this ship soooo much and I really hope they interact! 6.6/10 only bc they haven’t met 😭😭😭 look them up on here! There’s some great art of them by a few blogs

Dr. Kuseno x Bang: pretty sure @baldyborg came up with this one! Super cute. Just two old dudes finding a nice friendship in each other, maybe after Bang helps carry Genos to Kuseno’s after a day of fighting. Bang would find Kuseno to be a very cute little nerd man and would be sooo impressed by Kuseno’s mad scientist skills. Kuseno would be super impressed when seeing Bang in action too. They’d prob talk as soon as they meet each other and Genos would be in the background like you guys it’s been an hour, please fix me I’m on the verge of death 🧍🏻Bang would give Kuseno advice on training techniques to teach Genos and advice on making his bodies more martial arts ready or sum, meanwhile Kuseno would give his take on how to be kinder to Garou so that Bang would learn to repair the relationship with a gentleness he’s seemingly lacking (yes I’m talking about the chapter where he and Garou start fighting and Bang is just not doing enough to reach out to Garou, he’s being a callous old man! So yeah I’m still mad about that). Genos and Saitama would prob be out on a date and Saitama would be like oh theres Bang, wonder what he’s doing? Then Kuseno would walk up and kiss Bang and Genos and Sai would be shocked like SIRS 👬 Genos would tell Bang he doesn’t need another adoptive dad and Bang would be like....ok.... I see them retiring in a cottage together and Bang would become a huge softie. Yes I’m actively ignoring chapter 141 of the wc, shut up. 7.6/10

TankTop master x Mumen: they have a nice friendship going on in the manga right now! Just bros supporting bros. Tank is the picture definition of a muscly himbo and Mumen is his cute passionate bf. Also workout buddies af!! Don’t have much to say other than pretty good ship, just not a fav. 5.2/10

To sum it up—

GenoSai: 2718873737839439/10, Batarou: 11/12, SonFlash: 10/11, KingSai: 10/10, FubuPsy: 9/10, Fubuki x Mizuki: 8.8/10, MumenSai: 8.4/10, ZombieMask: 7.9/10, Dr. Kuseno x Bang: 7.6/10, Speedal: 7.4/10, OneZon: 7/10, Webuiko: 6.6/10, DemonKnight: 6.3/10, Okamaitachi x Bushidrill: 6.1/10, TatsuKing: 6/10, TankTop Master x Mumen: 5.2/10, Mumarou: 4.3/10, FubuSai: 4/10, SonSai: 3/10, Genos x Sonic: 1.3/10, TatsuSai: 0/10, anyone x Puri: -1283828319833468282/10

If there’s any ships I left out, it’s bc I don’t know them, don’t wanna talk about them, or just don’t have an opinion strong enough. Also, I know there are some poly ships like Genos x Saitama x Fubuki, but I’ve read only one fic about that (it was pretty good, here’s the link https://archiveofourown.org/works/5406992 ) so I don’t feel like talking about it. Hope no ones offended! All my opinion here :)

[tutuandscoot]

I'm the og anon that brought up how people treated vm lol. I agree with everything you said. They really were like animals in a cage. I hate that people made them feel they have to hide anything. And all the crazy narratives, sometimes I cant believe what people came up with. It seems like they thought both tessa and scott were terrible people who would do these terrible things. How can you be a fan of someone and think they would cheat or intentionally hurt their best friend. It is kinda scary to think how invested these people were. I am all for thinking they are cute, but if they say they aren't involved i believe them. They never gave me a reason to doubt their sincerity and i honestly think it is disrespectful to question them at every turn. People asked their friends and family about it, going as far as bullying them for saying or posting something that didn't fit into the narrative. They made their private lives a spectacle. Also they criticized their tour and their skating, trying to find anything to throw back at them. Saying they skated badly because they broke up or whatever. And i am pissed because i honestly believe we could have had more tours if people hadn't crossed so many boundaries. Imagine all the programs we could have had if they continued skating. 😭😭😭 All in all thank you for being a voice of reason. I also try to ignore all the bad things that happened in this fandom and just try to support vm in all they do, they deserve it 🥺

Thanks Anon ❤️❤️ it is 1000% what T&S deserve that we speak of and admire them with love and kindness because that’s what they give all of us and each other. I do manage to ignore all the negativity and choose not to engage with it, and guess it’s just nice to put all that in the past. The best thing about being here now is there’s so much less to question and if there are still people here spreading hate then that’s pretty sad for them 😝

I do think there was the chance of getting more tours with them if not for this stuff, but part of me also thinks they had a plan and 2years of skating post pyc was what the plan was for a while. I guess it’s likely they may have done SOI in 2019 if not for some of this, but I guess there’s really no way to know. I can’t imagine this stuff not making its way back to them, especially if people were harassing their friends and family (which WTAF that is the dumbest, most horrible thing I can imagine happening to all these people. Scum of the earth I’m telling you🤬) so if it did indeed play a part that is just infuriating.

And while cyber bullying like this is impossible not to the affect even the strongest people, I do think it wouldn’t ever have affect their true feelings for each other or affect their friendship in any major way. They had been through hell and back multiple times through some of the toughest stages of their lives none the less through their partnership, and the always made it through the other side closer than they were before. They are so strong willed and committed to always maintaining their love. But as I said I think it’s definitely likely all this shit caused them to retreat from the public eye in order to protect each other.

Also, I don’t think having them on tv as much as their agents had them was a good thing- it just gave the trolls more fuel to throw on the fire. Yes they had to go on to promote TTYCT but I feel like they were on a lot of TV shows, news/ morning shows that they didn’t need to be on- it was just coz after pyc they were the hot gossip and everyone wanted a piece of them, everyone wanted to be in their presence to see if they could actually see this so called “secret romantic relationship”. It’s horrible that the conversation got away from their career achievements and instead was about all this relationship crap that literally didn’t even exist the way (most people) wanted it to. So yeh, in retrospect I think that didn’t help- and because they are who they are, they probably didn’t think all this objectification was even happening until it got so toxic and started affecting them directly, and the damage was done 😖.

So yes! Let’s proceed with love and positivity❤️

[cheeriosandwine]

Okay. GO fic where Crowley's always dating somebody throughout history. Usually somebody important or famous or flashy. Always has to have someone on his arm to stir up jealousy and drama among the humans. But what he never reveals is that he doesn't fuck them. He's just not interested. It's all about the image, and maybe he enjoys the time spent with them in public flaunting their relationship/affair, but things really stay fairly shallow.

Meanwhile Aziraphale appears in public to be reclusive and disinterested in anyone but secretly has a strings of flings and whirlwind passionate affairs. He's a slut and sluts it up in private as much as he wishes with all sorts of queer folk who catch his eye. He rarely invests too deep, because it's painful to see them go, but he enjoy a good roll in the sheets. And if sometimes a human lover sneaks his way into his heart too, well, it isn't something Aziraphale speaks much of.

And when Crowley and Aziraphale meet up sometimes Crowley regales Aziraphale with tales of the royalty and artisans and politicians he's wooed and played with, and the mischief he's caused by entangling himself in their affairs. Aziraphale listens and laughs and the two of them get drunker. And eventually as the evening wears on Aziraphale opens up to Crowley about his latest lovers. Tells him about the kinky things he's leaned to do, just to see Crowley go red and pretend he isn't mortified. He speaks less about the ones he wishes he could commit more to, and Crowley sees the look in his eye as he contemplates the impossibility of being fully himself, as an angel, with a human.

Sometimes, if Aziraphale is in the same region as Crowley and they're already giving each other a hand with blessings or temptations, Crowley ropes Aziraphale into helping him escape a particularly clingy paramour. And sometimes when one of Aziraphale's old flames is near death's door, Crowley brings a bottle of something strong around Aziraphale's place and sits close enough for their thighs to touch and they don't speak at all.

Anyway, I'd love to read a story where Aziraphale and Crowley have all sorts of relationships with humans whether intense platonic connections or sexual or romantic relationships too, and the two of them having zero jealousy. They might pine for each other in that they wish they didn't have to hide their own love/Arrangement/friendship/partnership from Heaven and Hell, but they're entirely unthreatened by each other's human partners. It's lonely, being an immortal person surrounded by mortal creatures, and only the two of them fully understand each other, and no one else will ever come close to the depth of their bond. But they take pleasure in connecting in different ways to the humans that flit into their lives, and enjoy knowing that the other has human companionship, however temporary.

I can see them post-Armageddon, free to be openly each other's, however they want that partnership to look, and both of them continuing to enjoy humans' company/flirting/sex/romance/etc. Sort of like being in an open relationship, I suppose, but I doubt they'd define their relationship in human ways like that. But their love is big enough to support many ways of loving. I can see Crowley testing out various dating apps and kvetching to Aziraphale about the woes of the online dating world. And maybe Aziraphale occasionally goes to queer sex clubs and indulges for a while for old times' sake and comes home to Crowley full of stories that still make him fondly flustered.

[mostlysignssomeportents]

Prison-tech is a scam - and a harbinger of your future

If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/02/14/minnesota-nice/#shitty-technology-adoption-curve

Here's how the shitty technology adoption curve works: when you want to roll out a new, abusive technology, look for a group of vulnerable people whose complaints are roundly ignored and subject them to your bad idea. Sand the rough edges off on their bodies and lives. Normalize the technological abuse you seek to inflict.

Next: work your way up the privilege gradient. Maybe you start with prisoners, then work your way up to asylum seekers, parolees and mental patients. Then try it on kids and gig workers. Now, college students and blue collar workers. Climb that curve, bit by bit, until you've reached its apex and everyone is living with your shitty technology:

https://pluralistic.net/2021/02/24/gwb-rumsfeld-monsters/#bossware

Prisoners, asylum seekers, drug addicts and other marginalized people are the involuntary early adopters of every form of disciplinary technology. They are the leading indicators of the ways that technology will be ruining your life in the future. They are the harbingers of all our technological doom.

Which brings me to Minnesota.

Minnesota is one of the first states make prison phone-calls free. This is a big deal, because prison phone-calls are a big business. Prisoners are literally a captive audience, and the telecommunications sector is populated by sociopaths, bred and trained to spot and exploit abusive monopoly opportunities. As states across America locked up more and more people for longer and longer terms, the cost of operating prisons skyrocketed, even as states slashed taxes on the rich and turned a blind eye to tax evasion.

This presented telco predators with an unbeatable opportunity: they approached state prison operators and offered them a bargain: "Let us take over the telephone service to your carceral facility and we will levy eye-watering per-minute charges on the most desperate people in the world. Their families – struggling with one breadwinner behind bars – will find the money to pay this ransom, and we'll split the profits with you, the cash-strapped, incarceration-happy state government."

This was the opening salvo, and it turned into a fantastic little money-spinner. Prison telco companies and state prison operators were the public-private partnership from hell. Prison-tech companies openly funneled money to state coffers in the form of kickbacks, even as they secretly bribed prison officials to let them gouge their inmates and inmates' families:

https://www.motherjones.com/politics/2019/02/mississippi-corrections-corruption-bribery-private-prison-hustle/

As digital technology got cheaper and prison-tech companies got greedier, the low end of the shitty tech adoption curve got a lot more crowded. Prison-tech companies started handing out "free" cheap Android tablets to prisoners, laying the groundwork for the next phase of the scam. Once prisoners had tablets, prisons could get rid of phones altogether and charge prisoners – and their families – even higher rates to place calls right to the prisoner's cell.

Then, prisons could end in-person visits and replace them with sub-skype, postage-stamp-sized videoconferencing, at rates even higher than the voice-call rates. Combine that with a ban on mailing letters to and from prisoners – replaced with a service that charged even higher rates to scan mail sent to prisoners, and then charged prisoners to download the scans – and prison-tech companies could claim to be at the vanguard of prison safety, ending the smuggling of dope-impregnated letters and other contraband into the prison system.

Prison-tech invented some wild shit, like the "digital stamp," a mainstay of industry giant Jpay, which requires prisoners to pay for "stamps" to send or receive a "page" of email. If you're keeping score, you've realized that this is a system where prisoners and their families have to pay for calls, "in-person" visits, handwritten letters, and email.

It goes on: prisons shuttered their libraries and replaced them with ebook stores that charged 2-4 times the prices you'd pay for books on the outside. Prisoners were sold digital music at 200-300% markups relative to, say, iTunes.

Remember, these are prisoners: locked up for years or decades, decades during which their families scraped by with a breadwinner behind bars. Prisoners can earn money, sure – as much as $0.89/hour, doing forced labor for companies that contract with prisons for their workforce:

https://www.prisonpolicy.org/blog/2017/04/10/wages/

Of course, there's the odd chance for prisoners to make really big bucks – $2-5/day. All they have to do is "volunteer" to fight raging wildfires:

https://www.hcn.org/articles/climate-desk-wildfire-california-incarcerated-firefighters-face-dangerous-work-low-pay-and-covid19/

So those $3 digital music tracks are being bought by people earning as little as $0.10/hour. Which makes it especially galling when prisons change prison-tech suppliers, whereupon all that digital music is deleted, wiping prisoners' media collection out – forever (literally, for prisoners serving life terms):

https://www.eff.org/deeplinks/2018/08/captive-audience-how-floridas-prisons-and-drm-made-113m-worth-prisoners-music

Let's recap: America goes on a prison rampage, locking up ever-larger numbers of people for ever-longer sentences. Once inside, prisoners had their access to friends and family rationed, along with access to books, music, education and communities outside. This is very bad for prisoners – strong ties to people outside is closely tied to successful reentry – but it's great for state budgets, and for wardens, thanks to kickbacks:

https://www.prisonpolicy.org/blog/2021/12/21/family_contact/

Back to Minnesota: when Minnesota became the fourth state in the USA where the state, not prisoners, would pay for prison calls, it seemed like they were finally breaking the vicious cycle in which every dollar ripped off of prisoners' family paid 40 cents to the state treasury:

https://www.kaaltv.com/news/no-cost-phone-calls-for-those-incarcerated-in-minnesota/

But – as Katya Schwenk writes for The Lever – what happened next is "a case study in how prison communication companies and their private equity owners have managed to preserve their symbiotic relationship with state corrections agencies despite reforms — at the major expense of incarcerated people and their families":

https://www.levernews.com/wall-streets-new-prison-scam/

Immediately after the state ended the ransoming of prisoners' phone calls, the private-equity backed prison-tech companies that had dug their mouth-parts into the state's prison jacked up the price of all their other digital services. For example, the price of a digital song in a Minnesota prison just jumped from $1.99 to $2.36 (for prisoners earning as little as $0.25/hour).

As Paul Wright from the Human Rights Defense Center told Schwenk, "The ideal world for the private equity owners of these companies is every prisoner has one of their tablets, and every one of those tablets is hooked up to the bank account of someone outside of prison that they can just drain."

The state's new prison-tech supplier promises to double the amount of kickbacks it pays the state each year, thanks to an aggressive expansion into games, money transfers, and other "services." The perverse incentive isn't hard to spot: the more these prison-tech companies charge, the more kickbacks they pay to the prisons.

The primary prison-tech company for Minnesota's prisons is Viapath (nee Global Tel Link), which pioneered price-gouging on in-prison phone calls. Viapath has spent the past two decades being bought and sold by different private equity firms: Goldman Sachs, Veritas Capital, and now the $46b/year American Securities.

Viapath competes with another private equity-backed prison-tech giant: Aventiv (Securus, Jpay), owned by Platinum Equity. Together, Viapath and Aventiv control 90% of the prison-tech market. These companies have a rap-sheet as long as your arm: bribing wardens, stealing from prisoners and their families, and recording prisoner-attorney calls. But these are the kinds of crimes the state punishes with fines and settlements – not by terminating its contracts with these predators.

These companies continue to flout the law. Minnesota's new free-calls system bans prison-tech companies from paying kickbacks to prisons and prison-officials for telcoms services, so the prison-tech companies have rebranded ebooks, music, and money-transfers as non-communications products, and the kickbacks are bigger than ever.

This is the bottom end of the shitty technology adoption curve. Long before Ubisoft started deleting games that you'd bought a "perpetual license" for, prisoners were having their media ganked by an uncaring corporation that knew it was untouchable:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VIqyvquTEVU

Revoking your media, charging by the byte for messaging, confiscating things in the name of security and then selling them back to you – these are all tactics that were developed in the prison system, refined, normalized, and then worked up the privilege gradient. Prisoners are living in your technology future. It's just not evenly distributed – yet.

As it happens, prison-tech is at the heart of my next novel, The Bezzle, which comes out on Feb 20. This is a followup to last year's bestselling Red Team Blues, which introduced the world to Marty Hench, a two-fisted, hard-bitten, high-tech forensic accountant who's spent 40 years busting Silicon Valley finance scams:

https://us.macmillan.com/books/9781250865878/thebezzle

In The Bezzle, we travel with Marty back to the mid 2000s (Hench is a kind of tech-scam Zelig and every book is a standalone tale of high-tech ripoffs from a different time and place). Marty's trying to help his old pal Scott Warms, a once-high-flying founder who's fallen prey to California's three-strikes law and is now facing decades in a state pen. As bad as things are, they get worse when the prison starts handing out "free" tablet and closing down the visitation room, the library, and the payphones.

This is an entry to the thing I love most about the Hench novels: the opportunity to turn all this dry, financial skullduggery into high-intensity, high-stakes technothriller plot. For me, Marty Hench is a tool for flensing the scam economy of all its layers of respectability bullshit and exposing the rot at the core.

It's not a coincidence that I've got a book coming out in a week that's about something that's in the news right now. I didn't "predict" this current turn – I observed it. The world comes at you fast and technology news flutters past before you can register it. Luckily, I have a method for capturing this stuff as it happens:

https://pluralistic.net/2021/05/09/the-memex-method/

Writing about tech issues that are long-simmering but still in the periphery is a technique I call "predicting the present." It's the technique I used when I wrote Little Brother, about out-of-control state surveillance of the internet. When Snowden revealed the extent of NSA spying in 2013, people acted as though I'd "predicted" the Snowden revelations:

https://www.wired.com/story/his-writing-radicalized-young-hackers-now-he-wants-to-redeem-them/

But Little Brother and Snowden's own heroic decision have a common origin: the brave whistleblower Mark Klein, who walked into EFF's offices in 2006 and revealed that he'd been ordered by his boss at AT&T to install a beam-splitter into the main fiber trunk so that the NSA could illegally wiretap the entire internet:

https://www.eff.org/document/public-unredacted-klein-declaration

Mark Klein inspired me to write Little Brother – but despite national press attention, the Klein revelations didn't put a stop to NSA spying. The NSA was still conducting its lawless surveillance campaign in 2013, when Snowden, disgusted with NSA leadership for lying to Congress under oath, decided to blow the whistle again:

https://apnews.com/article/business-33a88feb083ea35515de3c73e3d854ad

The assumption that let the NSA get away with mass surveillance was that it would only be weaponized against the people at the bottom of the shitty technology adoption curve: brown people, mostly in other countries. The Snowden revelations made it clear that these were just the beginning, and sure enough, more than a decade later, we have data-brokers sucking up billions in cop kickbacks to enable warrantless surveillance, while virtually following people to abortion clinics, churches, and protests. Mass surveillance is chugging its way up the shitty tech adoption curve with no sign of stopping.

Like Little Brother, The Bezzle is intended as a kind of virtual flythrough of what life is like further down on that curve – a way for readers who have too much agency to be in the crosshairs of a company like Viapath or Avently right now to wake up before that kind of technology comes for them, and to inspire them to take up the cause of the people further down the curve who are mired in it.

The Bezzle is an intense book, but it's also a very fun story – just like Little Brother. It's a book that lays bare the internal technical workings of so many scams, from multi-level marketing to real-estate investment trusts, from music royalty theft to prison-tech, in the course of an ice-cold revenge plot that keeps twisting to the very last page.

It'll drop in six days. I hope you'll check it out:

https://us.macmillan.com/books/9781250865878/thebezzle

[dreaminginthedeepsouth]

LETTERS FROM AN AMERICAN

Today the U.S. House Select Committee to Investigate the January 6th Attack on the United States Capitol asked eight federal agencies for records. The chair of the committee, Representative Bennie G. Thompson (D-MS), gave the agencies two weeks to produce a sweeping range of material that showed the committee is conducting a thorough investigation of the last days of the Trump administration.

Thompson sent letters to the National Archives and Records Administration (NARA), which keeps the records for the government; the Defense Department; the Department of Homeland Security; the Interior Department; the Department of Justice; the Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI); the National Counterterrorism Center; and the Office of the Director of National Intelligence.

While the House had previously asked the National Archives for all the records it had covering the events and federal actors involved in the events of January 6 itself, the select committee is using a much wider lens. It has asked the departments not just for records covering January 6, but also for those reaching back as far as April 1, 2020, to see if the Trump administration had plans to contest and ultimately, should he lose, overturn the election.

The committee has asked the departments for any records about plans to derail the electoral count, organize violent rallies, declare martial law, or use the government positions to overturn the election results. It has also asked for any “documents and communications” about foreign influence in the 2020 election through social media and misinformation.

And then there was this tidbit. The last items the committee asked NARA to produce were: “All documents and communications related to the January 3, 2021, letter from 10 former Defense Secretaries warning of use of the military in election disputes.”

That letter, which was published in the Washington Post and signed by all ten of the living former defense secretaries, warned that “[e]fforts to involve the U.S. armed forces in resolving election disputes would take us into dangerous, unlawful and unconstitutional territory. Civilian and military officials who direct or carry out such measures would be accountable, including potentially facing criminal penalties, for the grave consequences of their actions on our republic.” The letter reminded then–acting defense secretary Christopher C. Miller and his subordinates that they were “each bound by oath, law and precedent to facilitate the entry into office of the incoming administration, and to do so wholeheartedly. They must also refrain from any political actions that undermine the results of the election or hinder the success of the new team.”

It was an extraordinary letter, and its authors thought it was important enough to write it over the holidays, for publication three days before the January 6 electoral count. The driving force behind the letter was former vice president Dick Cheney.

Cheney’s daughter Liz Cheney (R-WY) sits on the House select committee.

Trump has threatened to invoke executive privilege to stop the release of the documents.

House Minority Leader Kevin McCarthy (R-CA) said the committee’s action proved it is not looking for truth but rather is engaging in politics. The committee asked NARA for records of communications between the president and “any Member of Congress or congressional staff.” This will sweep in McCarthy, who had a heated conversation with Trump on the phone as rioters invaded the Capitol. “They come for members of Congress, they are coming for everybody,” he said.

But, in fact, such a sweep is precisely how scholars actually figure out what has happened in historical events. Limiting research before you know the lay of the land simply obscures the larger picture.

Just such a limiting view is on the table for the Republicans right now as they are proposing to investigate President Biden’s exit from Afghanistan if they regain control of the House in 2022, saying it “makes Benghazi look like a much smaller issue.”

The first days of the evacuation after the Afghan army crumbled and the Taliban swept into control of the country in nine days were chaotic, indeed, but since August 14, the U.S. has evacuated more than 82,300 people, bringing out 19,000 people yesterday alone. It has evacuated at least 4500 U.S. citizens and has sent more than 20,000 emails and made more than 45,000 phone calls to Americans who had notified the embassy they were in the country (since Americans do not have to register with the embassy, it is unclear how many citizens are there). A rough estimate says there are probably 500 U.S. citizens who want to leave, while another 1000 are not certain or want to stay.

Today, Secretary of State Antony Blinken gave a press conference pointing out that the evacuation “is one of the largest airlifts in history, a massive military, diplomatic, security, and humanitarian undertaking,” and noted that “[o]nly the United States could organize and execute a mission of this scale and this complexity.”

Blinken said that the success of the airlift to date has been “a testament both to U.S. leadership and to the strength of our alliances and partnerships.” He reiterated that the Biden administration is not abandoning Afghanistan but is shifting its focus from military power to diplomacy, cybersecurity, and financial pressure. He said that the administration has worked hard to build alliances and that the U.S. will continue to work with allies both in Afghanistan and elsewhere going forward. He pointed out that the Taliban has made both public and private assurances that they will continue to allow people to leave the country, and that 114 countries—more than half of the countries in the world—have warned the Taliban that they must honor that commitment.

Tonight, it appears the situation in Afghanistan is deteriorating. Russia, which backed the Taliban in its struggle against the U.S. and which originally said Taliban control would restore stability to Afghanistan, has begun to evacuate its citizens from Kabul. And tonight, the U.S. government warned of security threats and urged U.S. citizens to leave the area around the airport immediately. According to a State Department spokesperson: "This is a dynamic and volatile security situation on the ground.”

When asked by a reporter about investigations into the evacuation, Blinken said he and the president accepted responsibility for it. He seemed fine with scrutiny of the last few months but suggested that that period should not be looked at in isolation if we are going to learn from our experience in Afghanistan. “[T]here will be plenty of time to look back at the last six or seven months, to look back at the last 20 years,” he said, “and to look to see what we might have done differently, what we might have done sooner, what we might have done more effectively.  But I have to tell you that right now, my entire focus is on the mission at hand.”

Today, President Biden signed into law H.R. 3642, the “Harlem Hellfighters Congressional Gold Medal Act,” giving the Congressional Gold Medal to the 369th Infantry Regiment, commonly known as the “Harlem Hellfighters,” in recognition of their bravery and outstanding service during World War I.

In that war, the 369th Infantry was made up of 2000 Black men, 70% of whom were from Harlem. Since many white men in Jim Crow America refused to serve with their Black comrades, army leaders assigned the unit to the French Army, where, although they still wore the U.S. uniform, they were outfitted with French weapons.

Sent into the field, they stayed out for 191 days, the longest combat deployment of any unit in the war. At the Second Battle of the Marne and Meuse-Argonne, the unit had some of the worst casualties of that mangling war, suffering 144 dead and about 1,000 wounded. “My men never retire, they go forward or they die,” said their commander, Colonel William Hayward. Germans called them the “Bloodthirsty Black Men.” The French called them “hell-fighters.” A month after the armistice, the French government awarded the entire 369th the Croix de Guerre.

And now, in 2021, the unit has, at long last, been awarded a U.S. Congressional Gold Medal.

Sometimes it takes a while, but accurate history has a way of coming out.

—-

Notes:

https://january6th.house.gov/news/press-releases/select-committee-issues-sweeping-demand-executive-branch-records

https://january6th.house.gov/sites/democrats.january6th.house.gov/files/20210825%20Exec%20Branch%20One%20Pager.pdf

https://thehill.com/homenews/532486-idea-for-former-defense-secretaries-warning-to-pentagon-originated-from-cheney-perry

https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/10-former-defense-secretaries-military-peaceful-transfer-of-power/2021/01/03/2a23d52e-4c4d-11eb-a9f4-0e668b9772ba_story.html

https://january6th.house.gov/sites/democrats.january6th.house.gov/files/NARA.8.25.pdf

https://news.yahoo.com/january-6-committee-issues-sweeping-records-requests-to-federal-agencies-170505915.html

https://www.cnn.com/2021/08/20/politics/house-republicans-afghanistan-biden-benghazi/index.html

https://www.washingtonpost.com/powerpost/january-6-committee-trump/2021/08/25/cd356794-059a-11ec-a654-900a78538242_story.html

https://www.state.gov/secretary-antony-j-blinken-on-afghanistan/

https://amp.cnn.com/cnn/2021/08/25/politics/january-6-house-documents-investigation/index.html

http://werehistory.org/harlem-hellfighters/

https://www.military.com/daily-news/2021/08/24/storied-harlem-hellfighter-regiment-receive-congressional-gold-medal.html

https://www.npr.org/2021/08/25/1031088877/as-many-as-1-500-americans-in-afghanistan

LETTERS FROM AN AMERICAN

HEATHER COX RICHARDSON

[tinyshe]

June 3, 2021 Your Excellencies, Do You Even Believe? Jennifer Hartline 

The learned and the mighty have been weighing in now for weeks regarding the ongoing scandal of Catholic pro-abortion politicians, particularly Speaker Nancy Pelosi and President Joe Biden, and the question of giving and receiving the Holy Eucharist.

I wonder if the USCCB will listen to a voice like mine. I am not a theologian or scholar. I am an ordinary laywoman. (Please note: This is not directed at the bishops who have spoken out publicly in defense of Eucharistic and moral coherence. Those few, steadfast shepherds are the exception, not the rule. I am immensely grateful to them.)

The scandal isn’t merely the Catholic politician who betrays the Faith. It is also those priests and bishops who shrug and nod, issue utterly worthless statements about the need for greater “dialogue” about what to do, and bemoan their “immense sadness” over the whole thing.

You lament the present “situation” and issue another statement about your sadness.

The “situation,” of course, is that baptized Catholics who publicly profess their devout faith are using all their political power and energy to facilitate the ongoing slaughter of the child in the womb. They guarantee half a billion dollars each year in funding for the killers. They protect this “right” (their language!) with legislation and fight every attempt at restricting the killing.

They do this gladly, without remorse, without any intention of ceasing. They are proud and empowered in their zealous advocacy of slaughtering innocents.

Yet, you only find your indignation and courage to condemn the “politicization” of the Eucharist. We must not “weaponize” the Eucharist, you solemnly warn, as though you are oblivious to the truth that it is Biden and Pelosi et al. who are “politicizing” the Eucharist. It is they who have made receiving Communion a litmus test of “inclusion” and “conscience” and “unity” according to the world’s demand.

To these scandalous Catholics (and to the rest of the Church listening) you speak with all the conviction and authority of a whimpering dog. The public figures in question laugh at your carefully worded, heavyhearted softballs, knowing they will whack it right back in your face.  

They sing the tune, and you dance on the end of their strings. It is clear who preaches to whom.

I can only conclude, sadly, that you do not believe. Nothing else makes any sense.

If you truly believed the Eucharist was the Body, Blood, Soul, and Divinity of Jesus Christ, Son of the Living God, then you could not be so careless. You could not be so indifferent to the mockery of the King by those who publicly disavow His authority.

Or maybe what you don’t believe is that abortion is evil. Maybe you do not really believe it is always wrong to kill the child in the womb. Maybe you do not believe it is morally imperative, or even a good idea, to outlaw abortion.

That would help explain why this “situation” has gone on for decades, like a horror movie on endless repeat.

If Pelosi and Biden championed the legal right to kill kindergarteners, and poured half a billion dollars each year into an industry that existed solely to kill kindergarteners, would you have any qualms about them receiving the Eucharist? Would you still say that it was a political statement to deny them the Sacrament?

The unvarnished truth is that Pelosi and Biden actively work for the abortion industry. Do you understand that? Who works that zealously for something he truly believes is wrong?

Or perhaps you do not love. It would seem so because there is no love in betraying the Lord. Nor is there any love in enabling the death of souls in your charge. Or will you argue it is not a mortal sin to kill the child in the womb? If it is a mortal sin, how can it be justifiable to deliberately enable that sin? What excuse can possibly be offered for one who champions the killing of innocents, who personally and professionally benefits from partnerships with those who kill?

These are the ones who scold and sneer at your gentle chiding about the “protection of the unborn.” You refuse to act with courage and clarity to confront their heinous actions. You refuse to call them to repentance and fidelity. You refuse to care for their souls.

It is not a private matter any longer. It hasn’t been for many years. The scandal is public, the effects far-reaching, the consequences of your inaction are devastating. It is incoherent, inconceivable, that you, as a body, are conflicted and unsure whether it is right and just to withhold the Eucharist from any Catholic who willfully persists in zealous facilitation of abortion.

One wonders if you still believe in sin at all or have any fear of Hell at all. The faithful sheep still do, and we need shepherds who recognize the wolf as a threat. Unfortunately, I have seen how you shepherd. I have seen how you compromise and make excuses, and I have no confidence you would act any differently toward me.

You would leave me to the wolf. You would choose some other, lesser love over love of God. You would “accompany” me on the wide road. If I were lost in mortal sin, deluded by the evil one, participating in acts that will condemn me to Hell if I do not repent and convert, I could not count on you to tell me unchanging, hard truths. You would not offer me severe mercy, only counterfeit mercy.

You are unwilling to risk the mockery and scorn of the world, so you preach inclusion and unity rather than repentance and conversion.

You pretend that a soul can openly betray Church teaching and still claim to be a faithful son or daughter of the Church. You are there with handy excuses for why all the teachings of the Church are hard to embrace in their entirety, given all the complexities and pressures of daily life.

You do not love. You do not believe. What other explanation is there?

There is set before us life and death, the blessing and the curse. How long will you go on pretending there is any “dialogue” still to have? What is left to say to Herod at this point?

source Crisis magazine online

[strvngemagics]

❝ What, like it’s hard? ❞ huh, who’s REBECCA RITTENHOUSE? no, you’re mistaken, that’s actually SELENE BLISHWICK NEÉ ROWLE. she is a THIRTY-THREE year old PUREBLOOD witch who is VP OF TALENT AND PARTNERSHIPS AT A WIXEN TECH & MEDIA COMPANY. she is known for being SELF-ABSORBED, VAIN, APATHETIC, DECEITFUL, and CONTROLLING but also SAVVY, RESILIENT, CREATIVE, ENERGETIC, and ENTHUSIASTIC, so that must be why she always reminds me of the song OH NO! by MARINA and FRESHLY LIT SOY CANDLES, CRYSTAL PAPERWEIGHTS, THE PERFECT SELFIE LIGHTING, WHITE LINEN SHIRTS, AND BROKEN WINE GLASSES. i hear she is aligned with THE DEATH EATERS, so be sure to keep an eye on her. 

character parallels: diana, princess of wales, gwenyth paltrow, goop (as in the brand), deelia deetz (beetlejuice), alexis rose (schitt’s creek), fiona goode (ahs coven), emily nelson (a simple favor)

A Q&A WITH SELENE BLISHWICK, MODERN WITCH AND BOSS B*TCH

Witch Weekly caught up with the Vice President of Talent and Partnerships at Blishwix (and new mom!) for some insight into her favourite things and tips on how to be your best #girlboss.

What’s your uniform?

Jumpsuits, flowy blouses and wide-legged pants, sunglasses that cover most of my face, and a sensible heel. A red lippie is also a must.

What was your first job?

Being Gryffindor Prefect feels like it should have qualified as a job, considering all the time I spent on patrol!

Your morning routine?

Well, my son is three months old and has just started to fall into a sleep routine (thank Merlin!) so he will gently rouse (read: scream) me awake around 5:30. I’ll usually breastfeed while checking my emails, texts, and DMs, because it’s all about multitasking! One perk of traveling as much as I have is that I have friends in almost every timezone — the notifs are constant. After Zephyr is fed, I’ll pass him off to my husband to play peek-a-boo while I shower, foam roll, and make a green juice or tea.

I’m working from home until we transition Zep to having a nanny, so I generally won’t get dressed unless I have lunch or a meeting to attend.

First celebrity crush?

Oh, this is so embarrassing — the drummer from Nine Inch Wands? I had a severe goth phase. It happens to the best of us.

Wouldn’t leave home without?

Moonflower moisturizer from UNICRN, a (fully-charged) laptop, a fresh orange. 

Proudest moment?

When Wick changed a nappy for the first time — I knew then and there our marriage was sturdier than a mountain made of trolls.

Your bucket-list wellness experience?

I have seen so many kitschy Korean spa trips on WixPix. I want one of those treatments where they scrub you within an inch of your life. Then a nice soak in a seaweed bath and just like, a bucket of bibimbap.

Mentors?

Every woman who has ever worked at Blishwix. Getting to know so many interesting and inspiring witches at every age — it’s so wonderful. Witnessing their lives, their wins, and their woes has lead me to believe more in myself and trust that I am headed into the direction I am meant to go.

Perfect Sunday afternoon?

Shopping in Diagon or Sloane Street with my sister Vesta, then home to snuggle with my baby and enjoy something pasta-y and delicious with my husband that evening.

The things you buy in bulk?

Pepperup — I’m so susceptible to colds — cashmere-wool mid calf socks, and freeze-dried strawberries.

Drink of choice?

I’m obsessed with juices — anything that’s very kale-forward. If I’m being naughty, a dry martini or gillywater and gin.

Favourite movie?

The Woodstock documentary! It's so beautiful and inspiring that thousands of people came together for three wonderful days of peace and music.

How often do you recharge your crystals?  

Every full moon!

_______________________________

asndksjdfsd ANYWAY. some shit abt selene’s personality: 

like her husband, selene blishwick is full of shit. if wick is the engineer and tech brain behind blishwix’s products, selene is the ‘natural’-product peddling, #influencerstatus, charming (read: bitchy White Feminist) face of the brand and responsible for seeking the up-and-coming entertainers and corporations who will take their company from impressive start-up to cultural mainstay. like wick, selene’s primary objective is to get blishwix products and apps into every wix’s hand to track and monitor their behavior — and her immediate second objective is to make a fuckton of money doing so.

don’t let her foolish, goop-esque ways fool you — selene is constantly scheming about how to utilize the latest trends to squeeze an unsuspecting public dry of both their money and their private info.

she and her husband do love each other and are clearly a work team/match made in hell, but there’s def some mutual cheating going on that they should probably address (but will they?!?! who knows) 

selene’s relationship with her younger sister vesta is complicated. vesta knows how to push her buttons and strike at her insecurities, many of which stem from the fact that selene fears her sister can and will usurp her in terms of glamor, style, talent, etc. she loves ves but it’s hidden under a thick layer of backhanded compliments and petty betrayals.

selene is terrified of aging. catch her slathering on skin products every second of every day

[POSTPARTUM DEPRESSION TW] she loves her son zephyr (even more than she loves the number of likes he’ll get on her wixpix), but selene is suffering from postpartum depression hard and is yet to realize that she can’t reiki meditate her way out of it [end tw]

--------------

STATS

name. selene blishwick (neé rowle)

nickname. none

birthdate. 7th june 1998

place of birth. st. mungo’s

family.  vesta rowle (sister), extended rowle cousins, zephyr blishwick (son)

relationship status. married to jimbo blishwick vi.

occupation. vp of talent and partnerships at blishwix media; influencer

gender identity. cis-woman

romantic orientation. biromantic

sexuality. bisexual

blood status. pureblood

pets. tbd

HOGWARTS / MAGIC

house. formergryffindor

allegiance. the death eaters

n.e.w.t. grades. defense (a), charms (a), herbology (e), potions (e), history of magic (a), ancient runes (e), care of magical creatures (a)

wand. tbd

boggart. tbd

amortentia. tbd

magical strengths. tbd

magical weaknesses. tbd

PERSONALITY

zodiac.  

sun - gemini

moon - scorpio

rising - leo

[forabeatofadrum]

l'amor che move (il sole e l'altre stelle) - chapter 8

Notes: This is for Islay, who insisted on Simon and Baz going to an abandoned art nouveau bathhouse.

AO3

--

BAZ

Simon is looking at me with a wide smile on his face. I’m gobsmacked. Simon ushers me inside before I can ask anything, which is a great idea to avoid suspicion.  

Once we’re inside, underneath the piazza, Simon uses his mobile to give us some light. We’re in the Diurno Venezia and it is definitely closed, so it’s dark inside. I’d usually create flame in my palm, but I can’t do that around Simon. Or can I?

How did he open that door?

I ask him and Simon’s smile widens.

“Sometimes it just happens,” he says, as if it’s nothing out of the ordinary.

“What do you mean?” I ask, just to be sure.

Simon shrugs. “Sometimes, locks unlock for me. It’s luck.”

“Luck?” I ask, appalled. Does Simon think that’s luck? Unlocking doors is a simple non-verbal and wandless spell. Many kids learn it when they’re toddlers, which is why mages have to child proof doors with magic from a certain age.

And Simon thinks it’s luck?

“Come on,” Simon is either oblivious to my shock, or he just ignores it.

I decide to ignore it as well. I still want to ask Simon what the hell is going on, but I wasn’t lying when I told Agatha that I think Simon is unaware of his magickal heritage (assuming he has one.) (I mean, he has to.)

Despite the fact that the Diurno Venezia is closed, everything is in a proper state. I know that the city renovated it. In fact, I tell Simon.

Or actually, I read aloud from another website. He seems to really like it, so I revel in it.

“The space’s first proper visitors in decades arrived in partnership with the Italian National Trust, whose mission includes restoring lost national monuments and places of beauty to the public,” I read. Simon lets out a hum. “A pair of clean up days allowed a slew of volunteers – do-gooders, photographers, and explorers alike – access to the baths in exchange for cleaning and hauling out debris that had accumulated over the years.”

“This place really has a weird vibe,” Simon says. We walk through the lavish entrance. “Why did it close?”

“I don’t know.” I really don’t. I haven’t found that much information. Maybe Italian sources will tell me more. I’ll have to ask Simon to look it up. There used to be a buvette and a post office and telephones, business meeting rooms, flower shops and newsstands, a stationer, a bank, a commercial agency, a barber shop, a copy bureau, a small luggage storehouse, a travel agency, a bicycle garage with attendant, and a shoeshine stand. All I know is that there was a decline in the 60s and eventually only the barbershop was left, but that also closed in 2006.

“You know, it doesn’t beat the art at the fascist shrine, but it’s pretty,” Simon says.

“Nothing beats the fascist shrine, Snow.”

The hall that follows the entrance is straight from a movie set. Or at least, that’s how I’d describe it. The place looks like an art deco set. There are mosaics throughout the building. The ceiling is vaulted and there are a lot of pillars and looping beams.

The two of us walk through the building. Simon takes a photo of himself in one of the barber chairs. We make some mirror selfies as well. I cannot post these, since I am pretty sure we’re breaking and entering, but I can send them to Agatha privately.

There’s a bronze statue en route to the bath section.

“The goddess Hygeia, the goddess of health,” I say.

“The goddess Hylia?” Simon asks, but then he laughs. I don’t get the joke. When he realizes that I don’t, he laughs even more.

The baths aren’t that interesting. I don’t particularly like the green on the walls and the baths look uncomfortable, but it’s still cool that the two of us are here.

We walk around more. It’s actually kind of nice. We’re the only ones here, so we’re not being pushed around by other people. I am also not overwhelmed by magic. I’ve felt many kind of magic in Milan, and those are only the powerful ones. Milan must be filled with mages and magickal communities.

No magic matches Simon’s though.

“I get why you wanted to see this,” Simon says.

“You do?”

I mean, I hoped that he would like it. After all, we’re on a date together and it would suck for the both of us if one of us dislikes the date. Okay, this was a pretty self-indulgent thing to do, since I was the one who wanted to go here, but I think Simon just likes a mystery.

“Do you go breaking and entering often?” I ask him.

He snort. “I wouldn’t call it that.”

“Then what is this?”

“We’re entering, not breaking,” Simon says, “After all, I didn’t have to break down the door or pick the lock. Luckily, someone forgot to properly close it.”

Yes, as if someone accidentally keeps a monument (or whatever this is) in Milan unlocked. There’s probably a guard trying to catch us as we walk.

We go back to the entrance. Now we have to sneak out unnoticed. There are two ways out, although one has been turned into a subway station if I’m correct, so that might be more difficult to sneak out.

“Relax,” Simon says when he sees me, “Just walk out like there’s nothing wrong. Most people think we were allowed to be here. If we look very suspicious, then they might realise that we got in without permission.”

“So you do go breaking and entering a lot?” I say. Simon didn’t answer before. “Oh, scusi, I mean, do you go entering without breaking a lot?”

Simon puts a finger on my lips and he winks. I lick his finger. He pulls away his hand in shock.

“Baz!”

Before Simon can say anything else, I give him a big kiss. No one can see us and I go all out. Simon doesn’t complain. We’ve kissed like this before, but in my flat, not in a public space in Milan. Merlin, am I going down on Simon in a bathhouse? Who am I?

“Hey!” we hear.

I pull back. Simon lets out an actual whine.

“C’è qualcuno!”

“Shit,” Simon says. Luckily, we’re already at the entrance and we sneak out unnoticed. Back outside, we act like there hasn’t been any entering without breaking.

I can’t believe someone ruined the moment, but try to explain to a possible guard that my boyfriend opened a door with magic.

Once outside we readjust our clothes and then we walk to the nearby tram station, the Porta Venezia. I planned for us to have dinner in Navigli, but as I mentioned in the park, I am an idiot and I didn’t realise that it’s on the other side of the city centre, but there’s a tram that departs every ten minutes.

I hope we get to sit in one of those cool historical trams, since the tram network has been present since the nineteenth century. That doesn’t happen. I have our tickets and we get in. It’s a half an hour tram ride with fifteen stops to Piazza 24 Maggio 12 dopo Viale Gorizia.

(I didn’t pay for the tram tickets, the same way I didn’t pay for the parking.) (I usually don’t magickally counterfeit money, but I am not paying for this overpriced crap.)

We’re at the edge of the neighbourhood. There is so much to see in Navigli, but we’re just here to have Aperitivo and dinner. Milan is too big to see in one go, so hopefully we’ll come back.

“Who needs Venice when you have these canals?” Simon says.

“I still want to see Venice one day,” I say. There are still so many places in Italy that I want to see, but I have enough time.

The Alzaia Naviglio Pavese is the street along the smaller canal, the Naviglio Pavese.

“Alzaia translates to towpath.”

This street is filled with people and bars. I can hardly call it path.

“I’m surprised you took me here,” Simon says as we walk down the street.

I raise an eyebrow in response.

Simon uses his free hand to gesture around. “I mean, it isn’t as posh and exquisite as the Galleria.”

It truly isn’t. The buildings are boring squares and there’s graffiti, but when I was looking up places to go in Milan, I wanted to see another side as well. Yes, I took Simon to some of the most well-known places in the city, but the pictures of Navigli really interested me.

Although I think we’re at the wrong canal. The other canal is called the Naviglio Grande. I don’t want to tell Simon that we are at the wrong canal, so I pretend that I have planned this route. We turn to the Via Magolfa and then to the Via Mario Fusetti to the Via Filipo Argelati. That’s how we get to the bigger canal.

“Oh, look!” Simon points to one of the terraces. I don’t see anything particularly important. “That bar is called FUNKY!”

“Does it have any significance?”

Simon shrugs. “I just like the name. Can we go there?”

I didn’t have any place to go. You can look through all the reviews on Google, but it will probably all be very touristy either. There must be places where the locals go for drinks, but I don’t have the time to figure all of that out.

So if Simon likes the name FUNKY!, we’re going to FUNKY!

There’s a nice table at the front, so we have a nice view on the canal. We order Aperol Spritz, because Agatha told me to order it, and we get complimentary olives and crisps and other little snacks. Merlin, I love Italy for supplying us with these little bites.

“I usually don’t do this,” Simon says as he swirls his glass.

“Do what?”

“Go out for Aperitivo. I don’t drink with my mum around, since she doesn’t like it.”

“She doesn’t like you drinking?”

“No, she doesn’t drink much. But this is nice.”

“Didn’t you go out with friends?”

“Never really had any,” Simon sighs.

“Never?”

“Or maybe I did,” Simon shrugs, “I mean, I had people to hang out with, but now that we’ve graduated, I will probably never see them again and that’s fine with me.”

I think about Dev and Niall. Crowley, I should call them.

We don’t have dinner at FUNKY!, since it’s a cocktail bar, but this street is filled with restaurants. It’s overwhelming and I can’t rely on Simon to help me out. He’s as unfamiliar with this place as I am.

“The best restaurants are for the locals,” Simon says as we look around several menus, “Plastic tables, cheap paper napkins, nonna in the kitchen, telly on… that’s the good stuff. And no one arrives before seven pm.”

We don’t care where we end up to, because I honestly don’t feel like looking for a place like Simon described. We’ll settle for a place catered to tourists, but we are tourists. Il cappellaio matto looks cute, so that’s enough. After all, we picked FUNKY! for the name.

“Thanks, by the way,” Simon suddenly says when we’re seated.

“Hm?”

“For the second date,” Simon says with a wink, “I know I gave you a tough act to follow, but you pulled through. We broke into an old bathhouse.”

“I thought we didn’t break into it.”

“Don’t tease.”

“You’re welcome. For the compliment on the date.”

“I love it, I really do,” Simon says, “I love you.”

I look up in shock. Simon also realises what he’s just said. He starts to sputter out an apology, but I put my hand on his to soothe him.

“I love you too, Simon.”

“I know it’s early to say that, but I do!”

“I know.” Do I? What exactly is ‘too early’ when it comes to the matter of the heart? I fell in love with him the moment I saw him. I didn’t fully get it until we had the date at the fascist shrine, but I did. Was that too early? I don’t think so.

Honestly, Simon freaking out about this is kind of endearing.

“I just- It’s almost as if I can feel it. Your love. Or my love. Or something.”

“Well, I sure hope you do have feelings for me, Snow,” I joke.

Simon blushes. “It’s just that being around you, makes me feel like a different person. It’s as if the atmosphere around us transforms. As if your love for me is tangible.”

I raise my eyebrow. "Since when are you a poet?"

"I'm serious,” Simon laughs out, “When I'm with you, I can literally feel something coming from you. Something that makes me want to be with you."

"Alright,” I let him humour me, “What do I feel like?"

"Hot. I mean temperature wise. Greasy, but in a good way. Like there's a flame that's waiting to be extinguished."

I almost choke on my drink.

“You- what? You feel that?”

“I told you it’s stupid,” Simon sputters out.

Simon’s just described my magic. I’ve always wondered if he feels my magic. He thinks it’s love. It’s weirdly emotional to hear him say that, even though it’s wrong. My magic is wild. My magic is fire and burning and scarring. My magic is like my mother’s.

I’ve never heard someone call it love.

“Snow, it’s not stupid. I feel it too.”

“You do?”

Circe, if only he knew. I’m lucky that I’ve gotten used to it, because his magic is everywhere. I wonder if Italian mages in Milan are currently wondering what the hell is going on.

“Yes, your m- love is hot as well. It’s everywhere. It’s leaking out of you.”

Simon scrunches up his nose. “That sounds kind of gross.”

“It’s a lot.”

“Well, I have a lot of love for you.”

What a sap.

Although this made it pretty clear that Simon doesn’t know anything about magic. Anyone else would recognise it for what it is, but I like the idea that we can feel love.

“To Milan!” I say and I raise my glass.

“To Milan!”

--

End notes: Like Baz, I had an incredibly difficult time finding information on the Duornio Venezia. As a result, take their entire route there with a huge grain of salt. I don’t even know if the location is correct. I put a lot of research into these trips (yes, spoilers, there will be more) and I cannot credit every damn source that I’ve used because a) I am dumb and I didn’t save them all and b) most of them were in Dutch.

But since I literally copy-pasted a part that Baz read out loud, I feel like I have to source that. Baz at one point reads from https://www.atlasobscura.com/places/albergo-diurno-venezia

[tabloidtoc]

OK, March 15

You can buy a copy of this issue for your very own at my eBay store: https://www.ebay.com/str/bradentonbooks

Cover: Britney Spears' revenge

Page 1: Big Pic -- Melissa and Joe Gorga during a beach day in Miami

Page 2: Contents

Page 3: Contents

Page 4: Tiger Woods on the mend -- Tiger is counting his blessings as he recovers from a terrifying car crash

Page 6: Queen Elizabeth announced in a statement that her grandson Prince Harry and his pregnant wife Meghan Markle wouldn't be returning as working royals, noting that it was no longer possible for them to continue with the responsibilities and duties that come with a life of public service, and almost immediately, Harry and Meghan shot back with a seemingly rude reply, saying we can all live a life of service and service is universal -- no one was more disappointed in Harry's response than his brother Prince William and William finds this behavior both baffling and sickening and he can't get his head around it and William feels the family has been understanding and fair while Harry and Meghan continue to sit on their high horse flinging insults and from William's perspective there is simply no excuse for snide and ego-driven swipes made towards the queen -- especially right now, since three days prior to Her Majesty's statement, Prince Philip was rushed to a London hospital and the queen's been worried sick about her husband and should not be dealing with this added stress -- the whole situation has left William feeling hopeless and he fears Harry is too wrapped up in his own self-importance to see the hurt he's caused and that is unforgivable in William's eyes

Page 7: As Soleil Moon Frye's messy divorce drags on, a loyal pal from the past is providing a shoulder to cry on in Brian Austin Green who she reconnected with while shooting her upcoming documentary Kid 90 -- Brian can feel her pain because he's still hashing out his split from Megan Fox so he knows exactly what Soleil is going through -- they've been friends for more than 30 years and they're going to see each other through this tough time

* Tom Cruise got all pumped up for Mission: Impossible 7, but now that filming has wrapped, he's desperate to stay in fighting shape for the next installment -- Tom was thrown for a loop when the studio postponed filming M:I 8 instead of shooting the movies back-to-back so now he's putting himself through the wringer doing crunches, pullups, squats and weights but Tom's brutal, military-style workouts have friends and loved ones, including his rumored new girlfriend, M:I7 costar Hayley Atwell, worried that he could be pushing himself to the breaking point and everyone wants him to take it down a notch, but he won't listen -- physically, Tom still thinks he's invincible, but the fact is he'll be turning 60 in less than two years and if he keeps going at this pace, there's a big change he's going to do some serious damage

* Life has been twice as nice for Christine Quinn since she found out she was expecting -- the Selling Sunset star, who's pregnant with her and businessman husband Christian Richard's first child, isn't holding back when it comes to treating herself -- the famously free-spending realtor has been splurging on designer maternity clothes and lingerie to lounge around in at her L.A. mansion and she has flowers delivered daily for every room in the house

Page 10: Red Hot on the Red Carpet -- stars rock statement-making halter dresses -- Lili Reinhart, Camila Morrone, Brie Larson

Page 11: Chrishell Stause, Naomi Campbell, Rosie Huntington-Whiteley

Page 12: Who Wore It Better? Uzo Aduba vs. Drew Barrymore, Charlize Theron vs. Kaia Gerber, Bella Hadid vs. Naomi Scott

Page 14: News in Photos -- Steve Martin did what he does best while filming scenes of his upcoming mystery-comedy series Only Murders in the Building in NYC

Page 16: Nicole Scherzinger stepped out for lunch with beau Thom Evans in West Hollywood, a casually dressed Reese Witherspoon matched her shirt to her Draper James canvas tote while boarding a private plane in L.A., Paris Hilton and Carter Reum

Page 17: Rebel Wilson stopped by the gas station to fill up her car in L.A., Mariska Hargitay took a selfie while shooting Law & Order: Organized Crime in NYC

Page 18: Sarah Jessica Parker assisted customers at her eponymous shoe line's store in NYC, Chrissy Teigen at lunch at Wolfgang Puck in L.A., Naomi Osaka with her trophy for winning the Australian Open in Melbourne

Page 20: The Masked Singer panelist Jenny McCarthy in a golden tiara and caped dress before taping a new episode, for a recent date night Outer Banks stars Chase Stokes and Madelyn Cline whipped up a cozy plant-based dinner in L.A., Jason Sudeikis filled up on a sandwich on the set of Ted Lasso

Page 22: Bella Hadid strutting around Manhattan, Helena Christensen and her dog Kuma in NYC

Page 23: In partnership with Ziploc Janel Parrish created the Hot Mess Makeup Line in Vancouver, Cara Delevingne in Puma's new eco-friendly line

Page 24: Usher stopped by the dry cleaners West Hollywood, Padma Lakshmi and her pooch braved the cold weather in stylish jackets in NYC

Page 25: Tia Mowry for Late July Tortilla chips, four days before filing for divorce from her husband Kanye West of nearly seven years Kim Kardashian looked somber while out and about in L.A., during a stroll Busy Philipps stopped to check out something on her phone in NYC

Page 26: Scott Disick matched his 'do to his drink at the Sugar Factory in Miami, Justin Long stocked up on groceries in L.A., new couple Mod Sun and Avril Lavigne were inseparable after a date night in L.A.

Page 28: Inside My Home -- Claire Holt's airy abode

Page 30: Zooey Deschanel and Jonathan Scott have taken the next step in their almost two-year relationship: they've secretly tied the knot -- they've been talking about getting married for about a year and just decided to go for it and the intimate ceremony took place in front of a few family members at Jonathan's Las Vegas home on Valentine's Day and it was spur of the moment, but that's how Zooey likes to do things and now Jonathan too and they put it together in a matter of days and everyone got a verbal invite to come -- Zooey wore a Bohemian-inspired gown and flowers in her hair while Jonathan wore an all-white suit and Zooey serenaded Jonathan with a love song she had written -- guests including Jonathan's twin brother Drew Scott and sister-in-law Linda Phan were treated to a gourmet buffet and video and arcade games -- now the couple's eager to grow their family and Jonathan will be a great stepdad to Zooey's children Elsie and Charlie but he's been saying for months that he can't wait to have kids of his own and they've already started trying

Page 31: Blake Lively and husband Ryan Reynolds are one of the most charitable couples in Hollywood and now the big-hearted duo are ready to take the next step by adopting a baby in need -- Blake and Ryan who share daughters James, Inez and Betty have donated millions of dollars to organizations working to protect the rights of immigrant children separated from their families and awaiting deportation -- day by day they've been warming up to the idea of providing an orphan with a forever home -- Ryan jokes that Blake is a baby machine who would have no trouble getting pregnant again, but their hearts really go out to these kids

* Ever since Bridgerton became a monster hit, the sizzling chemistry between Rege-Jean Page and costar Phoebe Dynevor has fans convinced that they're an offscreen item as well, but Rege-Jean's girlfriend Emily Brown is fed up with keeping their real-life romance under wraps and she's starting to feel like Rege's dirty little secret -- Emily has been dating Rege for two years and shares a home with him in East London -- the show's producers have been happy to let the rumors about Rege and Phoebe fly because it made their steamy sex scenes that much more believable -- Emily, a part-time soccer player and copywriter from Manchester, loves to go to pubs and party, which she and Rege used to do before the show came out -- Rege insists that keeping their relationship on the down-low is no big deal, but Emily wants everyone to know that the hunky Duke of Hastings is spoken for

* Mila Kunis and Ashton Kutcher have got the parenting thing down pat, and they're ready to share their know-how by penning a how-to manual -- their friends have been begging them for advice for years and Mila and Ashton make having kids look like a fun adventure and for them, it really is -- now that Ashton has wrapped up shooting his new thriller Vengeance, he and Mila finally have a little downtime and the handbook will include the duo's dos and don'ts for raising their children Wyatt and Dimitri like they never argue in front of the kids and make sure to treat them equally -- Mila's the stricter one and Ashton's the softie, but it's a team effort and it works and they admit it can get a bit chaotic, but they don't sweat the small stuff

Page 32: New parents Kit Harington and Rose Leslie may be in baby heaven, but they're dealing with the home renovation from hell -- the Game of Thrones alums, who recently welcomed their first child, have been up to their ears fixing up their 15th-century country manor, which is turning out to be a huge money pit -- Kit and Rose bought the $2.4 million spread shortly before tying the knot in 2018 and had no idea what they were getting into and the couple got hit by sticker shock when they finally got their plans approved to put in a new kitchen, master bath, pipes and flooring and it's going to cost them an extra half a million at least -- they still think it's the perfect place to raise a family, but overseeing an army of builders and designers with a newborn at home is leading to some serious sleep deprivation

* As Olivia Wilde and Harry Styles' romance heats up, the couple is planning a heart-to-heart with her ex-fiance Jason Sudeikis -- after filming wrapped on their movie Don't Worry (for the love of all that's holy, please put in a comma) Darling, the lovebirds flew to London to meet with Jason, who's been on the set of Ted Lasso in England because Olivia, who shares two kids with Jason, wants to clear the air and have a calm conversation about how everyone moves forward from here, and she wants Jason to realize that Harry is here to stay and Olivia needs Jason to understand this is a serious relationship, whether he likes it or not

* Baby Boom -- these celebs recently welcomed little ones -- Wilmer Valderrama and fiancee Amanda Pacheco welcomed a baby girl, Kansas City Chiefs QB Patrick Mahones and fiancee Brittany Matthews welcomed a daughter named Sterling Skye, Mandy Moore and Taylor Goldsmith welcomed a son named August Harrison

Page 34: Cover Story -- Britney Spears fights back -- she is ready to reclaim her life and she's looking to take down anyone who stands in her way, starting with her father, Jamie Spears

Page 36: In the wake of the #FreeBritney movement, Justin Timberlake who dated Britney Spears from 1999-2002, and publicly insinuated her cheating ruined their relationship, took to Instagram to offer a mea culpa, saying he wanted to apologize to Britney who he cares for and respects and he knows he failed -- he also contacted Britney directly to express his regrets over how he handled their breakup because he wanted to do the right thing and Britney accepted his apology and she was touched by the gesture and thought it was absolutely sincere and they had a nice little chat and it made Justin feel better knowing that Britney didn't hold any grudges

Page 38: They're So Grown Up -- the kids of some of Hollywood's biggest celebs are striking out on their own -- Ava Sambora is the daughter of Heather Locklear and Richie Sambora, Maya Hawke is the daughter of Ethan Hawke and Uma Thurman, Damian Hurley is the son of Elizabeth Hurley and Steve Bing

Page 39: Lily Sheen is the daughter of Kate Beckinsale and Michael Sheen, Jack Depp is the son of Johnny Depp and Vanessa Paradis, Lola Consuelos is the daughter of Kelly Ripa and Mark Consuelos

Page 40: Interview -- Dwayne Johnson -- with a new TV sitcom based on his early years, The Rock reveals all about his rollicking adventures growing up

Page 42: Slim Down for Spring -- how these stars got their best bodies ever just in time for the warmer weather

Page 46: Style Week -- Sara Sampaio is fronting Michael Kors' new campaign for its latest perfume, Gorgeous

Page 48: What's Hot Right Now -- break a sweat stylishly in LoveShackFancy X Beach Riot's limited-edition collection -- Nina Agdal

Page 49: Preppy Tennis Fashion -- Lele Sadoughi turns to '70s and '80s country club looks for its spring/summer 21 accessories

Page 50: Gift Guide -- self-care session -- pampering gifts that benefit body and mind because, hey, there's never been a better time to treat yourself -- Miranda Kerr

Page 52: Chrissy Teigen is a fan of affordable de-puffing and brightening holographic foil eye masks

Page 58: Buzz -- costars reunited -- Christopher Meloni and Mariska Hargitay for Law & Order: Organized Crime, 13 Going on 30's Mark Ruffalo and Jennifer Garner reconnected on the set of their upcoming movie The Adam Project

Page 59: Rachel Bilson shared a snap of herself with O.C. costar Melinda Clarke, Ben Savage and Danielle Fishel who played a beloved couple on Boy Meets World starred in Panera Bread's new commercial for Valentine's Day, Rebel Wilson and Adam Devine of Pitch Perfect met up during Super Bowl LV game in early February

Page 60: Sound Bites -- Jennifer Love Hewitt on her night out with Betty White, Henry Golding on expecting his first child, Drew Barrymore on never going under the knife, Salma Hayek discussing billionaire husband Francois-Henri Pinault

Page 61: Tiffany Haddish on taking a chill day, Colin Jost on letting Scarlett Johansson plan their wedding, Cameron Diaz on whether she plans to return to Hollywood, Kehlani on feeling sexier as a mom

Page 62: Horoscope -- Pisces Connie Britton turned 54 on March 6

Page 64: By the Numbers -- Ana de Armas