#primarily i hope she does what brings her joy and peace but also i hope what brings her joy and peace is being a comedic actor

[normcore-tertiary-character]

This little girl is so cute, who is her mom, I'd marry her too to have that fucking cherubic ass child with charisma out the wazoo as my daughter

[arigatouiris]

an inconvenient crush // kenma kozume x reader (1/2)

Author’s Note: A new story?? SO SOON?? Thank you for all the love for my previous Kuroo story, it meant the world to me. I write for myself primarily, yes, but it brings me SO MUCH JOY to know that my words reach you. It helps with the motivation to put them out more often. Thank you. This story is very close to my heart because I’m a gamer, although I don’t stream. I’m more like Kenma though, personality wise. Haha.

Word count: 5k+

Pairing: YouTuber! Kenma Kozume x Streamer! Reader

Summary: YouTuber Kozume Kenma has had the biggest crush on Twitch Streamer, (s/n) (y/n), who in actuality simps heavily after Kenma's secret YouTube persona, puddinghead0.

What happens when their paths cross?

Kuroo is honestly tired of Kenma's second-guessing, and (y/n) is a bit of a crackhead.

Warnings: unrequited love, one-sided crush, slight angst, pining, crackhead reader, internet bullying, slang, gaming references, haikyuu manga spoilers, fluff

C h a p t e r O n e : puddinghead0

Kozume Kenma suddenly turned existential when his eyes shifted to his phone screen for the 12th time in ten minutes.

Was he always doing this? Was he always obsessed with his phone to a point where he'd constantly check for notifications? Did this mean he was deeply lonely on the inside and wanted approval from people on a virtual platform, which meant that the approval was also virtual and none of it was real? Did it mean that he craved to nullify the growing void in his chest by distracting himself with a black mirror that showcased light that could permanently impair his sight?

He let out a breath and forced himself not to look at his phone. He didn't care. It didn't matter. That's what he always said.

    "Hey!" His classmate/room-mate screamed from the entrance to his flat, "Are you watching her stream? Posted two minutes ago!"

His phone was definitely slow. He had been checking his phone but there was no notification. Letting out a breath, and giving himself a mental reason to actually check his phone, Kenma opened the notifications tab to see the one notification he had kept his eye out for had been buried under ridiculous facebook notifs.

An inconvenient crush, that's what he told himself whenever he looked at you. You were a streamer, a bit different from what he did on YouTube because you were primarily on Twitch. There were reaction videos of you on YouTube, which was where he found you, but damn—how could one be pretty while rage-quitting a game? It was abnormal. Nothing about you was normal; college student/Twitch streamer, an apparent baker in your mother's bakery, game reviewer for Sony, and you were insanely cute.

    "She's getting to that part," his roommate commented from behind Kenma's back, while Kenma really just wanted to watch the video in peace, "Shit, she's gonna cry."

You did cry, quite a few times, and too easily if he could add. You cried at the ending of God of War, you cried to The Last of Us (which made sense, but you were perhaps just bawling throughout the entire game), you cried in a game called Detroit: Become Human, you cried far too easily, but you never really quit. He loved how passionate you were about games, and it was the sort of passion he could completely understand.

    "Oh shit," You said in the video, your eyes scanning all over the game screen, "What's happening? What's happening?"

Kenma chuckled at how cute you were, god, you were killing him. You looked worried, and he could visibly see a sweat drop on your forehead, but you were so focused that it didn't matter. Suddenly, there was a screaming sound from the game you were playing, and your eyes popped open as wide as they possibly could and you just sat there, unmoving. He loved how you never squealed or made any loud reactions, except when you were in a fight with a difficult boss, but whenever something traumatic happened, you just froze and sunk it all in. You were currently playing the second part of The Last of Us, and a traumatic scene was definitely happening. Kenma had just finished playing it the night before, so every scene you were playing was familiar.

    "I officially hate this game," You said, your voice breaking and he desperately wanted to hold you, "Fucking hell."

    "God, she's amazing." Kenma's roommate said, eyes turning into literal hearts.

    "Hm." Yeah, she is, Kenma thought, but could never really say.

As a YouTuber himself who streams games, he was aware that you were not as popular, and it was a fact that he really didn't like. Sure, you were on a less popular platform, but Twitch was incredibly popular by itself as well. He also understood the bias that came with being a female gamer, and while it sounded ridiculous to him, Kenma was one of those people who believed gaming required no gender.

He adored your content, and he secretly adored the hell out of you, so seeing you soar would only make him happy.

    "I... I can practically feel what pain she's feeling right now," You spoke about the game, a lone tear threatening to leak out of your eye, "But! We shall persevere. I've been waiting 7 years for this game, so I won't let... won't let something like this halt my interest. Let's see if this has a point to it all."

God, he adored you. But, Kenma considered it an inconvenient crush because of course, the world was small. The first big crush he has on someone and he hoped it would remain over the internet, but it just had to become something more tangible, something that could make him weak in the knees.

You, a college student/Twitch streamer, an apparent baker in your mother's bakery, a game reviewer for Sony, insanely cute, and also happened to be one of his YouTube channel's biggest fans.

He had only recently discovered your personal twitter handle, and dear lord, you were simping after him with no remorse. It wasn't as if he was all you talked about, but he had also noticed the trajectory of the games you were playing were on par with his own timeline. Kenma had finished his final stream for The Last of Us II just the night before and you had now started playing it. Right before that, it was Bloodborne, and before that, it was Final Fantasy VII Remake. However, your public handle was a lot more professional and despite knowing that it was there, he hadn't sent you a follow request because well, Kenma called himself an introvert in every matter but Kuroo just said he was shy.

While he knew that he could easily approach you and have you know he knew of your existence, Kenma preferred not to get into such detail. It was comfortable admiring you from afar, and it was comfortable being where he was—he had his company to work hard over, he was also a computer student and a YouTuber. Sure, he had his hands full especially after calling you abnormal for something that he himself was doing, but he never really fit into a bracket anyway. Kenma's latent obsession with you was something he wasn't particularly proud of and this wasn't because it had anything to do with you, but simply because he didn't want to make a big deal out of it. Change, in many ways, scared him. And by changing the structure or dynamics of him admiring you in secret, while you admired him not so secretly, Kenma was certain that it might not lead where he may have wanted it to go.

Surely, Kuroo was against this sort of caution, calling it cowardly and saying it lacked passion; but Kenma knew it was just a crush. There was no way he could deduce the kind of person you were based on how you gamed or reacted to games, based on the little tid-bits of information you gave out while playing those games, or even how you openly spoke about how much you admired 'puddinghead0's videos. Kenma hated Kuroo for giving him that name, but he was too lazy to come up with a new one.

    "Also," You sprung up in the final two minutes of your latest video, "I'm on Patreon, now! I honestly have no idea how it works, but if you really like the content I make and want to support me, you can become a patron and wish me luck!"

Kenma waited for his stupid roommate to go out of his room before he could open Patreon and find your link, which was thankfully in the description. Without a second thought, he donated to your profile but cussed instantly when he realized what he had done.

He had sent you a donation as himself, as 'puddinghead0's Patreon.

Without a second thought, Kenma called Kuroo and explained what had happened.

    "That is why, Kenma, you need to check a thousand times and not let blind love navigate your actions—"

    "If I knew you were going to spout such nonsense I wouldn't have called you."

He could hear Kuroo snicker while he ran a hand through his hair. Kenma groaned before Kuroo said, "How bad is this, Kenma? She'll be happy. Of course, this means she'll know you watch her content, but how bad can this be?"

    "I didn't want her to know."

    "And leave her devoid of the happiness of having her idol appreciate her content? You're cold, Kenma."

    "You don't understand. What if... What if she tries to contact me?"

    "You, my friend, have not even shared your personal account anywhere. The only way she can contact you is by commenting on your videos, which I am sure you check constantly to see if she did comment, or Tweeting, which she does every three days."

Kenma blushed at the accusation because it was true.

    "She won't know who you are. Besides, there's no harm if she even does contact you! Just tell her casually that yeah, you like her contact. I don't see what the big deal is."

    "Of course you don't—"

    "Oh, she's tweeted something."

Kenma's entire body froze. Leaving Kuroo on the call, Kenma opened Twitter on his laptop and there it was, your latest tweet.

I am trying NOT to freak out over puddinghead sending me a donation on Patreon, pls save my soul, I am dead.

Kenma groaned before hearing Kuroo laugh once more, "She's adorable!"

I know that, Kenma thought before feeling his entire face flash up. Ending Kuroo's call, Kenma looked at your public profile before then moving to your personal one. He wasn't following that one either, but he wanted to see your tweets, he wanted to know more about you—he wouldn't deny any of these facts, but Kenma believed it was far too idiotic to dream of getting to know you through a virtual media. He wasn't even the sort of person to become close to people he met in real life, how could he allow himself a virtual friendship?

The thought staggered him, and the idea behind it was what kept him at bay. Kenma wanted to know about you, talk to you, learn about who you were and what you were doing, but he felt the media that connected you was what separated you.

It wasn't cowardice at all if he was just sticking to the facts and being real.

*

The next day, Kenma walked to his class by himself, listening to the latest podcast by Joe Rogan. While the external sound wasn't entirely muted, Kenma could discern sounds of people talking, cars moving around, and other noises even though he was playing the podcast on full sound. However, there was one sound in particular that stood out. Kenma paused before turning to his right, noticing a crowd of people had gathered there, with some sort of event going on. He didn't pay attention to half the events that his college conducted, his mind was obviously quite busy elsewhere, but when the announcer moved around in a weird Joker cosplaying outfit, Kenma was a tad bit intrigued.

Was it gaming related?

He slowly moved toward the crowd before finally being able to hear what the anchor was saying.

    "We've got prizes for the top three best performers, and one of the participants is the one and only (s/n) (y/n), streamer from Twitch!"

Kenma froze, half-minded to run the hell away from there. But, it seemed as if his feet were stuck to the ground. How had he not known this? Didn't you always announce the events you go to? Why were you suddenly here? A second later, he spotted you, hair put up in an updo, a plain black tee, and regular jeans. You were smiling, but some part of that smile seemed a bit hesitant.

    "We will be playing a bit differently today! Instead of the usual Fortnite battles or Apex Legends, we'll be going went and battling out on Red Dead Online! And of course, if you beat (y/n) here you earn bragging rights!"

He noticed you shift in your position a little bit, clearly uncomfortable with the attention you were getting; it didn't even look like you wanted to be there. Kenma could feel his chest hurt, and his palms were sweating now. That's all it is, he told himself. An inconvenient crush, an inconvenient crush, that's all.

Kenma sighed before noticing how he barely knew anyone there and was almost thankful for that fact; but before he could thank his stars, a hand threw itself around his neck and sprung him forward, earning the attention of not just everyone there, but especially you.

    "We have our first participant," It was his goddamn roommate, "Kenma's a brilliant gamer!"

Kenma's eyes immediately found yours, and you were looking at him with wide, confused eyes. Although this was set in the open and the atmosphere was quite cold, Kenma felt nothing but warmth radiating all over his body at the mere sight of you; you were just a few feet away, and you were giving him a rather sympathetic expression, and god, you looked so fucking pretty—

    "That's great! Sign up, ya'll! Winner will be winning a brand new DualShock 4!"

Oh fuck, Kenma thought before he felt his heart beginning to pound. He was now seated beside you, and he could practically shrink into non-existence. You were unmoving, and you weren't looking at him, but would you have looked at him if you knew he was puddinghead? Insecurity swarmed his being and he could practically feel steam escaping his ears but a moment later, he thought he'd die.

    "This was so last minute," you said, rubbing the back of your neck, "The anchor's my cousin and she's so demanding."

    "Oh," Kenma said, feeling his heartbeat skyrocket, "I see."

    "Yeah! I mean," You giggled now, "I'm not even good at Red Dead Online!"

Kenma smirked, knowing the fact already. You struggled with Red Dead Redemption not because you were bad, but because you couldn't progress with a plot so divisive. You wanted to explore more, and since the game was so vast, you barely bothered with the Online version. You turned to him now and tilted your head.

    "You're a gamer, I heard? Kozume-kun, right?"

Fuck, she knows my name, "Y-Yeah. I game when I'm free."

    "Do you have a Twitch or YouTube?"

There's no fucking way I'll answer that, "No—"

    "Ah, you must really be having a great time then."

Kenma blinked before turning to you with confusion. What did you mean?

    "Don't you enjoy streaming?"

    "Ah, no, no," You flailed your hands shyly, and Kenma believed he could combust, "It's not like that. I just think, after a point, streaming becomes more for the fans than for yourself. I used to do it for me, but now... I'm needed in places like this for promotion, and I need to have a Patreon if I'm popular or it'll look weird, I don't know... Too many restrictions. I just love gaming, you know?"

Kenma found himself smiling, "Yeah, I know. I've seen your videos."

    "Oh?"

Kenma's eyes widened. He wanted to slap himself on his forehead.

    "I—I mean, y-you're popular."

    "Thanks! You're really sweet, Kozume-kun!"

Fucking hell, Kenma placed a hand on his forehead, She's too cute.

    "Say," you said, a sly tone to your voice, "Do you want to get out of here?"

    "I'd do anything." Kenma honestly agreed.

But, you couldn't just up and leave. You were called here as Twitch streamer (s/n) (y/n), and that meant your behavior was restricted. As much as you seemed to hate said restriction, Kenma was certain that you wouldn't go against it. It could take a big blow against your viewership, and you wouldn't take that chance.

A second later, your hand gripped his wrist before you shot him a wink. Kenma's heart jumped to the skies before you pulled him away from the crowd, with participants lining the entrance to enter their names. Sure, you were doing something bad—your cousin wanted you there, but not once had she even asked if you wanted to be a part of this event. Just as Kenma was pulled in without his consent. You weren't a competitive gamer, and you were not going to be, even if it was for someone else. After running away a fair distance, Kenma felt the part of his wrist burn right where you were touching him.

    "I think I need to run more in real life and not just as Ellie." You said, and Kenma chuckled.

    "Running's good."

    "I used to run track," You said, turning to him. "Now I run in games and that's it."

You have no right being that cute, he thought before clearing his throat. He slowly pulled away from you, which made your eyes widen before shooting him an apologetic smile. He was a bit confused as to what you had done, did this mean you didn't care about losing followers?

    "You might think that I've committed career suicide," You scoffed, "Honestly, this is the bravest I've been in so long."

    "What do you mean?"

You shrugged, "Ever since I became a bit popular by streaming, I've just... I could feel myself change with the way my viewers wanted me to be? I don't blame them or anything, I just think that the love I get from them makes me yearn for more. And that yearning leaves me... inept to be myself. It's the downside of wanting to remain popular, I guess."

    "It's not like you can't be yourself and still be popular." Kenma added.

    "Yeah I know," You said, "I mean, just look at puddinghead0, we don't even know what he looks like, and wow. I adore his content."

Kenma froze once more. Was this being recorded? Did Kuroo finally tip you off and was this being filmed for his reaction? Whatever it was, he wasn't going to reveal to you now.

    "Y-Yeah, I think he just doesn't care."

    "I wish I was more like that because I end up caring. I like the comments and the views and the love. Agh, it's such a weird complex moral question. Don't even get me started."

Kenma laughed at your reaction before you turned to him and stuck a tongue out. Kenma rolled his eyes before waving a hand at you.

    "If anything," Kenma said, looking at the ground, "You didn't lose this follower today."

Your eyes widened at his statement. You smiled before nodding, and let out a chuckle.

    "Thank you, Kozume-kun."

*

Locking the door to his room, Kenma began to edit for his latest video. He was making a review for The Last of Us 2, but his mind was elsewhere. He still hadn't told Kuroo that he had met you, which would only cause the black-haired man to tease him relentlessly. Letting out a sigh, he felt sleep douse his eyelids as he continued the edit, right before a notification popped up on his phone.

It was you.

He narrowed his eyes before checking the date and time; it was unusual for you to stream live on random days. He'd learned your pattern by now. You'd been doing this for a couple of months, and it was quite easy for him to know just when and what time you'd begin. However, the screen for The Last of Us 2 was open and you looked like you had just stopped crying. His heart broke at the sight, and he instantly closed the tabs to his own edit, before opening your video on his monitor. You were taking deep breaths before chuckling.

    "Hello to everyone that's still with me," You sounded so broken, Kenma felt helpless as he continued staring at you, "You might be wondering why I'm... yeah. So, I did something and I guess I got punished for it? I was forced into a game contest and I think walking out of it made some of my followers mad. I even spoke to this other person about walking out and honestly, it didn't hit me then that what puddinghead's doing takes a lot of courage."

    "Ah, fuck, (y/n)," Kenma groaned.

    "I guess even when I expected to lose followers, I didn't expect the hate? Some of the comments were just... nasty. I..." You sniffed, "...I didn't expect that you would hate on someone for making a personal choice? And I didn't do it to offend anyone, I seriously don't know how the internet works. Oh, oh wow—" You looked troubled and Kenma could see why. "—losing out on viewers now, great. 'Don't be a whiny bitch', 'This is why girls shouldn't game'..."

You took a deep breath before calming down and saying the few words Kenma feared you might eventually come around to say.

    "This is (y/n), signing off to a world where gaming is appreciated and is not filled with a community of hate. Hope to see you there."

And the stream ended.

Kenma sighed before leaning back, no thought in his head. He knew for a fact that his room-mate must have seen the stream as well, and Kuroo would be calling him about the entire ordeal just to ensure he had something to say about it. Kenma, on the other hand, felt like he had practically pushed you to make this decision and partly felt like taking the blame, despite the common sense telling him that he had nothing to do with it. You weren't the sort of person who would jump at something without a second thought, and even if he didn't know you personally, he had been following you and your streams for months now. It felt like he knew that part of you quite well.

Kuroo was the first to call. Kenma stared at the phone for a bit before letting out a breath and getting back to editing his video. He only had to add commentary, and his mind was already circling on what to say.

Uploading the video took him exactly two more hours, after having missed three calls from Kuroo and twelve messages. At one point, Kuroo had even stopped contacting Kenma, thinking he was busy with something, and he was spot on. Kuroo's eyes wandered on the new notification about his friend's YouTube channel, which was weird considering it was not yet time for him to post something. He knew quite well that Kenma might have definitely seen (y/n)'s stream, and wanted to desperately talk to him about it, but without a clue of what the boy was thinking, Kuroo simply clicked on the notification and let the video play out.

It was the review for the game, The Last of Us 2, and Kuroo knew while giving the review, which was around 8-9 minutes, Kenma would speak his thoughts that were a tad bit uncensored toward the end. He'd talk about the drama surrounding the game, he would even bring up the entire hate that this game was receiving, but instead—Kenma had a rather strange dialogue instead.

    "One thing I don't understand is how toxic the gaming community can be, at times," Kuroo paused, narrowing his eyes at his friend's words, "While we welcome new gamers to the entire journey of learning and discovering the joy of gaming, we also tend to put them down if they didn't adhere to a certain trend. I came across one such incident happening to (s/n) (y/n)'s Twitch channel."

    "Holy shit!" Kuroo sat up straight, eyes wide as saucers at the bold move his friend made.

    "I'm part of this community and I think I have the right to call out how toxic we are in general," 

Kenma's voice didn't even waver, but after knowing him his entire life, Kuroo could deduce that the boy was a bit angry, 

"(y/n) didn't particularly do anything wrong, and she's received some nasty comments about being a female gamer, and I think that's...just disgusting. She has all the right to either attend or ditch a gaming event, and no one has to be forced to do something they don't want to do. We all have games we don't like despite being gamers, we don't have to do it all. I support (y/n), and I'll admit, I'm saddened by how her fans have treated her. Her content is great and I have immense respect for her. I hope she decides to come back and stream more. That being said, I think The Last of Us 2 is..."

As he got around to talk more about the game, Kuroo knew that this was a huge step for Kenma, and he had no idea what suddenly made the boy rethink his entire decision on never bringing her up. Now that he had, he's indirectly initiated a conversation with her, she'd definitely try and reach out now—in any way she possibly could, just to thank him at least.

Kuroo noticed his phone ringing a second later and a grin made its way to his lips.

    "What just happened?"

    "I met her, Kuroo," Kuroo almost had the wind knocked out of him, "She was at my college campus. I was walking back to my room since classes were canceled. There was some sort of gaming event. She didn't want to be a part of it, and neither did I, and we ditched. It was—"

    "You like her more now, don't you?"

When Kuroo received nothing more than silence from Kenma's end, he was certain. His precious, introverted, best boy had fallen for someone. It was a proud moment, almost.

    "You have to tell her—"

    "Kuroo, this... this is all I want to do."

    "That's bullshit, and even you know that."

    "What? You want me to open up to her and tell her I'm the YouTuber she's been gushing about for so long and I was the one who kind of pushed her into doing what she did, and so that she can hate me afterward for hiding the truth because I wouldn't be losing out on anything and she—"

    "Whoa there, Kenma. I'm just saying go talk to her as her favorite YouTuber. You're overthinking this."

    "No, you're underthinking this. I did what I had to do. It was... hard to see her like that."

Kuroo let out a sigh but before he could say anything, Kenma had already ended the call. That boy needs to grow a pair, he thought, a bit annoyed at Kenma's nature of avoiding his feelings. While Kenma believed it was for the best, he knew he was simply running away from it. Kuroo knew his friend adored (y/n), but the boy couldn't categorize that as real feelings because he's met her just once. Finding something real virtually scared him more than finding something real in real life, and while Kuroo wanted to understand that, it only annoyed him because Kenma wasn't even trying.

When you watched puddinghead0's recent video, you were jaw-dropped in awe and absolute admiration. Tears filled your eyes, but what was more was how his voice now seemed a tad bit familiar, though you didn't pay any heed to it since you've been following this channel for an entire year now. It moved you to know someone you've been admiring has been watching your content, but at the same time, he was speaking up for you? You wanted to thank him, you wanted to send him a message and say you were incredibly grateful for what he's done and the only way you knew you could say something was on Twitter.

So you mentioned him on a tweet and poured your heart out within character limit. You wondered if he would notice your tweet since you've mentioned him countless times before, but even if he didn't, even if he paid you no heed after all of this, you were still grateful. However, a second later, you received a new follower. You blinked upon noticing that it was Kozume-kun from the other day. A soft smile fell on your lips at the soft recollection of running away from a gaming event, after which everything spiraled, but you didn't in any way blame him. Your mind again drifted back to puddinghead0 and you sighed.

I'd kill to see him, man, you thought, eyeing your tweet of him dreamily.

A second later, there was a notification. You almost spat out your heart at the mere words: puddinghead0 likes your tweet.

puddinghead0 likes your tweet.

puddinghead0 likes your tweet.

    "Oh my god—" You choked on air. However, a second later, you found it difficult to remain sitting on your bed.

Don't thank me, I hope you're feeling better. You didn't deserve any of that.

Is that a—

...deserve any of that. <3

Fuck me.

Kenma almost dozed off in class right before it ended. It wasn't like it was school where the teacher would wake him up after noticing him asleep, no one really bothered. Kenma was pushed awake by the momentum of the class once it was over and he leaned back before gathering his things. Tightening his hair tie, he casually walked out of class and got to the campus. He spotted the event area, where the gaming event had occurred and instantly spotted his room-mate and a bunch of people gathered there. Rolling his eyes, he walked away from there, not wanting to gather any attention.

    "Kenma!"

He had failed. Kenma froze to his spot before turning to spot his room-mate dashing over to him, a wide grin plastered on his features. Wrapping a hand over Kenma's shoulders, his roommate brought him to the others he was talking to, before releasing him.

    "You're that guy (y/n) ran away with during that event, right?" One of them asked, and Kenma didn't bother to respond.

    "Why did she run though? I mean, it doesn't make sense for her to just up and leave."

    "I've been telling you," The same guy said, "She's not the one playing those games. She's just the face."

Kenma frowned. What is this dick talking about?

    "Man, I think that's harsh," His roommate said, "I just think she's too chicken to play in front of people—"

    "She's literally a streamer." Kenma said, rolling his eyes.

    "Yeah, but why did she—"

    "If you can't understand that she doesn't owe you shit, then there's no helping it. She didn't want to play at that event, and she didn't. I don't see why you aren't calling me a fake gamer for running too." Kenma snapped.

The others shrugged, "That's because we've seen you play—"

    "It's bullshit." Kenma said before walking away. You all are bullshit, he thought before the frown on his face settled into an uncharacteristic glare, directed at what who knows what.

A moment later, he felt his phone buzz with a notification. Kenma opened his phone and saw that he had a message from you, but what confused him was—

The message was directed to Kenma and not puddinghead. His heart jumped as his fingers roamed over the notification, wanting to open it only when he was in the comfortable confines of his room. Swallowing the bubbling anxiety, Kenma fought the urge to smile as he continued walking back, unaware of what the Twitter message could be. It would normally take him around 12 minutes to get to his apartment from campus, but that day, Kenma merely took 7.

On reaching his room, he finally allowed himself to open your message.

(y/n): Hey! I've taken a break from streaming for now, just wanted to let you know. I don't know why I'm sending you this message, but talking to you that day made me realize that I don't really need to seek approval constantly. Also, puddinghead liked my tweet and I'm a bit too happy so I needed to gush, don't @ me

Kenma chuckled, feeling his heart jump at every word you'd said. He knew you didn't realize that you were gushing about him to him, but that didn't matter. He wanted to gush about you too. He felt a stone stuck at his throat at how real all of this felt, despite having only seen you once.

Kenma Kozume: I think he's the sort of guy who isn't too loud about the things he likes. And I think a break is a good idea, (s/n).

(y/n): Call me (y/n), came the immediate response. Kenma's eyes widened at the fact that you were online, and that the two of you were currently exchanging messages live.

(y/n): Yeah, I got the feeling from his videos that he's perhaps a private person. I'm still really glad that he supported me, I can't thank him enough. I'm feeling much better already!

Kenma smiled, I'm glad that you are.

(y/n): Also

He blinked.

(y/n): Do you want to co-op at Bloodborne? I'm trying to get a platinum, haha.

    "Fuck," He let out a breath before chuckling uncharacteristically. "You can't be serious."

(y/n): I'll send you my PSN, and you can add me as a party member. Only if you're up to it, I mean.

Kenma Kozume: Sure, sounds like fun. Also

Kenma gulped. He felt like this was showing off, but he didn't care. He was going to say it.

Kenma Kozume: I already have platinum in Bloodborne. :)

(y/n): Ah, screw you.

Kenma chuckled. He wouldn't admit it, but his heart was hammering against his chest and his palms were sweating. Soon, he'd be connected to you via the DualShock and the two of you would be co-oping in a game that was designed to make players fail. He wasn't too sure how much more his heart was going to take, and while he knew he had to tell someone, for some reason, Kenma wanted to keep this a secret. It wasn't because he was ashamed or he didn't want anyone to find out.

It was simply because it was too good to be true, and he didn't want to lose out on a chance to get to know you more. Because, if this kept up...

If this kept up, Kenma was surely going to fall in love with you.

[honestlyhufflepuff]

Taking a closer look at “Why So Blue”

This episode was a lovely break from Steven’s “baggage,” instead focusing on the growth Lapis has had. It was visually beautiful, with a touching new song from Lapis, and an interesting contrast from gems that remind her of her old self.

However, I feel this episode has been a little neglected in the fandom as far as the things it tells us about Steven and the world around him. Remember, Future is primarily about Steven’s arc and anything revealed about another character is bound to reveal something about him as well. “Why So blue” has been overshadowed by more dramatic episodes that had Steven’s anger and negative feelings at the forefront. This is no surprise, as seeing Steven’s issues manifesting so intensely is still such a new thing for the fans to process. This episode has Steven acting closer to his lighthearted, optimistic “old self” than any other one in SUF, and I wanted to delve into the implications of that. Let’s break down some things the episode establishes…

1. Despite his “outbursts,” Steven is still a Pacifist at heart.

This look was all it took for Lapis to regain control of herself. In this episode- this moment- is when he really seemed the most like “Classic Steven.” He’s not shouting at her to stop, or joining in the fight. He is just believing in Lapis’s growth and giving her the space to come around on her own. I don’t think the Steven we saw in “Guidance” would have done that. Part of this shift is due to his personal growth, but it’s also probably because he is falling back into his old role of pacifying hostile gems, which is what he knows best and what he’s comfortable with. That isn’t healthy, especially considering how much we’ve seen him panic when he doesn’t have someone to fix in later eps. However, it’s still a relief to see that fighting is not his first recourse despite his new “pink” powers making an appearance almost every episode.

2. Our Lapis is far stronger than your average Lapis. It is unclear if she was designed to be this way or if it is a result of her trials. Regardless, the Crystal Gems should be very grateful she’s on their side. She has the potential to rival a Diamond in combat.

She fixin’ to mess y’all up.

3. Steven has had growth over the course of SUF.

I bring this up because I think even though Steven is facing a very real personal crisis regarding his growth, he’s still had positive changes since the original series, and since the start of Future.

Lapis: I wish I hadn’t done that. They just remind me so much of myself. It’s infuriating.

Steven: Give yourself a break. You’ve grown a lot. It’s not your fault they’re stuck in their ways.

Contrast Steven’s attitude in this scene with his attitude towards Jasper back in Little Homeschool, after agonizing about his inability to change her:

Are you just going to sit here…waiting for someone to give you a purpose? Because I’m TRYING to give you one!

There have been obvious parallels between Jasper and Steven in this series, as Jasper is possibly the only character almost as stuck in the past as Steven is. I don’t know if Steven is self aware enough to realize that Jasper set him off so easily because he saw himself in her, like Lapis did in the HW Lapises. What he has realized is that not all gems will change in the way he imagined they should, and that’s ok. Him and Jasper, as far as we know, are not exactly friends, but they have an understanding of each other. Jasper may always be stuck in her ways, and Steven has apparently made peace with the fact that her bitterness is not his burden. He even sees value in the fact that she sees the world differently from him, and wants to learn from her.

This was a huge point of growth for Steven. All he did through the main series was try to fix people, and it’s obviously taken a toll on him. The only problem is now that he’s let go of his need to fix others by leaving Little Homeschool, he doesn’t know how to do anything else.

Steven has moments of self awareness regarding his issues (in between all the repression, avoidance, and denial) throughout SUF. One is in this moment with with Lapis, where he articulates that you can’t blame yourself for someone else not wanting to change and grow. He admitted to the Rose Quartzes that he’s “not fine,” but vehemently says the opposite to anyone else. He admits to Pink Pearl that he has “baggage,” although he won’t elaborate. He admits to Amethyst that his need to control others is a problem. He admits to his friends- under extreme duress and prodding- that he is having a hard time coping with cange. He opens up to “Cactus Steven” more than anyone, but after how that turned out the next time he opens up won’t come very easily.

My point is, Steven is still growing as a person, but it is a slow process due to all the trauma he is processing, compounded with having powers just as volatile as his emotions are.

4. HW gems are having a hard time letting go of the old caste system.

He’s half Diamond. Maybe we should half listen.

If the Lapises were really listening to Steven in the first place, then their primary motivation for listening to him would not be him being “half diamond.” The whole point of him overthrowing the empire was to create an equal society where Diamonds wouldn’t dictate what everyone does anymore.

How can the thing we’ve always done just suddenly be wrong?

Everyone is having trouble adjusting to this new equality in practice, including Steven. This is a massive, ancient, complex dictatorship that is now adjusting to a new government created by a human teenager. A Diamond is the one teaching and leading the new way things work, so of course it’s a mixed message for HW gems who have him telling them everyone is equal, but also that they no longer can do what they want to if it impedes his vision. I certainly wouldn’t want to be in Steven’s position. It would make most people uncomfortable to tell someone that the thing they were created for- that they also take joy and pride in- is now not only obsolete but morally wrong. Hooray for minors dealing with the nuances of cultural sensitivity in their galactic imperialism!

“He’s smaller than I thought.

Funny that this was the same thing said by the Rose Quartzes. It’s probably hard for any gem to imagine a Diamond that is not massive and imposing, but Steven is still pretty small even for a human (and still shorter than Connie). I can imagine this is why Jasper was so quick to reject him as her Diamond. Steven does not project the towering picture of immortal and flawless power as the other Diamonds have, and this is inevitably disappointing to gems that have long valued that image.

You really expect us to dance and sing like Pearls?

Gem society was not lacking in the arts, but they were strictly reserved for the elite and those who served to perform for them.

It’s interesting that Peridot had no idea what music was, and I presume this is because she was in a lower status than Lapis. The problem is not that the HW Lapises were unaware of artistic expression, but that they found it beneath them. The Lapises take pride in being instruments of power and destruction, the opposite of how everyone perceives Pearls. It’s no surprise they perceived such a heartfelt song from a fellow Lapis as “pitiful.”

Despite the fact that Pearls were very close to those in power, they had none of their own, and even Peridot considered herself above them when she first arrived from Homeworld. Pearls were created to be objects. Status symbols. Pretty little ornaments. Music boxes. And gems created for more “practical” purposes than entertaining the elite and opening doors would see anything associated with Pearls as beneath them.

5. Hot take: Lapis’s approach wasn’t totally in the wrong.

Lapis: We’ve just got to force them to stop. They’re not nice like me.

Steven: Ummm *avoids eye contact*

Lapis: Exactly.

The HW Lapises- much like Jasper- valued physical power over other virtues. Lapis beat herself up a lot for her loss of restraint, but communicating a bit with a show of the type of power the Lapises valued was enough to get them to listen. Steven’s approach alone clearly wasn’t working.

Sometimes people think so differently from you that you have to meet them halfway to have any hope of getting through to them. Steven did this when he agreed to fight Jasper.

I think the main reason he feared Lapis taking this approach was because he knew her past. He knew how hard she was to reign in once she got started, and how drastic she could be in confrontation. I mean, that’s why we have the entire Malachite story arc.

Restraint takes strength! Patience takes strength! Ugh, I don’t have the strength to deal with you.

However, Lapis has grown past that stage of her life, where her trauma ruled all her interactions with others. She has friends- like Steven and Peridot- who keep her grounded. She has developed healthy coping skills and outlets for her processing her emotions. This is why is so concerning to see Steven doing the opposite. The more fragile his mental state becomes, the more he distances himself from his closest friends and interests.

Lapis had the self awareness to realize she was slipping into old habits and losing control, and removed herself from the situation to cool down. That is huge for her.

Not every gem is going to want to go to Little Homeschool, and there’s probably a lot of them that still like fighting and destruction- especially if that’s what they were made for. Era 3 is so bent on avoiding violence that there isn’t really an outlet for pent up aggression (which Steven could use as well, btw). I think starting up some kind of gem dojo would be a great alternative instead of just expecting every gem to like the “softer” things like dancing and making meep morp.

Also, just imagine Jasper as a dojo master. Hell yeah.

6. Most people probably do not realize that Steven is struggling.

Wow, Steven. It took you a whole 5 seconds to make a new friend. You’re getting rusty.

I found this quote from Lapis telling. She still sees Steven as being able to make and keep friends effortlessly. In “Room for Ruby,” she was actually relieved to hear Ruby’s immediate love for earth was all an act, laughing and saying “No one could be that well adjusted.” The only exception to this rule for her seems to be Steven. She looks to him for stability, just like she did in the fight with the other Lapises.

In reality, Steven is terrified of his friends moving on and changing, while also being resentful if they don’t recognize he has changed. He has unresolved trauma that is eating away at him and causing him to have emotions he doesn’t know how to handle. However, most people probably see Steven as he presented in “Why So Blue-” gentle, charismatic, and carefree. It is not uncommon with mental illness to be “high functioning” in public and then come undone the moment you are home around your immediate family.

Even after the very public display of his stress in “Little Graduation,” none of his friends were like “dude, you’re scaring me, please go to therapy.” They saw one incident, but not the whole picture, so none of them seemed to really grasp how bad things are going for him. This is because Steven is still pretty adept at putting up a positive front most of the time.

***

Anyways, I just wanted to revisit this episode and give it some love. Feel free to RB and tell me things you noticed about it that I may have missed!

[elysicndrcvm]

━♡ guess the 23 YEAR OLD FEBRUARY baby just arrived to dallyeog! it makes sense, because CHU EUNHA is just as BEDAZZLING as the month of FEBRUARY. wait, why do they remind me of JACOB BAE? beyond that, they seemed JOYOUS and SAVVY upon first glance. i heard someone say they’re sort of DELICATE and QUIXOTIC though. i hope they get acquainted here in COMPLEX 1 / APARTMENT 0215 / FLOOR 3 ; HE seem(s) to have a lot going on with HIS job as a PATISSERIE OWNER/NUTRITIONAL SCIENCE STUDENT. ( ez, 21, she/they, gmt. )

     well hey there !! im ez but you fellow dallyeogers can call me ezzy, i have been in dallyeog before so some may remember me as having someone v different to my new bb i bring u now, i joined before with miss tam carmen !! anygays i return with this lil angel who i am all ‘ i say that’s my baby and i’m proud ’ over already even tho i literally came up with him like two days ago. you can find his pinboard here ( which btw i fuckeN love like he’s so aesthetic to me u go king ) and i made him a lil playlist which u can vibe to here. you can learn more about him under the cut but he’s a super soft-hearted gentle dove of a muse and quite...simple for me ?? sdhdh that’s not the right wording but U GET IT djjflg he isn’t super full of angst or trauma he’s just kinda viBIN livin his best life so that’s fun !! but ye without further ado: 

so as u kno from his app he owns a patisserie, it’s his lil babey and he is very dedicated to his craft and makin sure all his ideas for the place and the baked goods he sells are like rlly quirky and avant-garde. like he is so passionate about it u dont even KNOW, he tries to make sure most of the stuff on his menu is something like fun and new u wouldn’t get at just any old patisserie or cafe and that it’s super varied and also kinda aesthetic af? the place is very like trendy. it’s called patisserie d’elysian cause ya know he’s an extra biTCHH and proud.

he has three pupperino’s. all as adorable as each other, snickerdoodle is his golden lab and often ppl shorten it down to snickers, butterscotch is his dapple daschund pup, shortens the name to scotchie often. toulouse is his fancy toy poodle boi, shortens the name down as toto. if u are on the shortened name basis with his pups then u can consider urself one of his close pals. 

he’s actually adopted by his aunt but she raised him like she was his mother so that is what he considers her, she’s on his mother’s side but they are half-siblings. in terms of first name reasoning as well she just liked eunha as a name and didn’t even think about how it is traditionally for a female, she liked that it meant gift from heaven so it stuck. his father is still around, he’s just quite elderly so it felt like a better living situation for him to be raised primarily by his auntie. unfortunately his mother has passed on but no tragic story, she just went peacefully in old age. 

he dyes his hair quite often, it’s currently like a really pastel blue with black streaks consistently throughout like lil ones so it looks super cool. but he’s also had it be a more electric blue, lilac, and a duck egg kinda faded silvery blue. it’s naturally dark brunette. has brown eyes kind of a hazel hue. 

his style is kinda androgynous ig?? he just lives for soft retro fashion, lots of color in his wardrobe but also lots of tapered short and t-shirt fits frequented, sweater vests, rolled up jeans, high skater boi socks, soft jumpers with shirts, shirts in bright colours or satiny texture worn over plain white t-shirts, cardigans, pastel denim jackets, jeans with printed patterns on like clouds, flowers etc, favors yellow and blues. sometimes does eye makeup, occasionally wears heels bc he’s a baddie or super heeled boots/chunky shoes. 

obsessed with music, can play violin and guitar. he’s a big mitski and rina sawayama fanatic, likes anything that sounds peaceful or calming or has like a good fun vibe to it. also likes the trademark gay icons like carly rae jepsen, lorde, etc. he’s not ashamed. obsessed with mamma mia movies. but also likes rap which is rlly funny cause its like the bad bitch female rappers only and like he’ll listen to it while arranging his sock drawer or making his bed or something ajdjdj it’s like hype anthems for being a baddie and a hoe and he’s just doing his night sleepy routine adkfkf. 

showers, blankets, music, baked goods especially bagels are his happy places. 

very much a sensitive lil romanticist, falls in ‘love’ like five times a day, he just likes to giggle and smile around pretty people and admire the artwork hnghdh, he’s like yeARNS though ya know?? like he’s all i will flirt by making prolonged eye contact, i made you a playlist, this song makes me think of you etc. it’s either memes as flirting with him or elaborate love letters u never know what ur gonna get akdkd. 

awful sense of humour, loves his friends more than anything on earth except his pups, would fully live in a huge house of just like his pups and all his closest buds for all eternity. likes fruits way too much, enjoys puns about fruits way too much. milkshakes, sushi, orange hues and bus rides are some of his absolute favorite simple pleasures of life. clouds, flowers, salt lamps, the sunrise over the sea, skateboarding, fresh soda, teddy bears, busy street markets, parasols, fish tanks with exotic fish, sorbet, bike riding, polaroids, record players, rain at night against floor to ceiling windows with a fresh steaming pot of tea on the desk beside it and warm fresh sheets from the laundry on his bed, ponds, skateboarding. all little joys in life that give him like the biggest pleasure dopamine hit in the world. 

his cousin actually owns a florists so he has flowers just littering his apartment like a lot and it just looks like he has ten million suitors from the late eighteenth century attempting to court him but no all these flowers are from him to him or worse from his aunt djfjg she sends him some for valentines every valentines, pls help him, pls send him flowers. 

studies nutritional science and he fucken hates it. do not ask him shit cause he doesn’t KNOW OKAY? he doesn’t understand it either. he took it because he needed something to go alongside the passion for baking that was a real ‘qualification’/job so that is the only reason he’s doing it. no point doing a baking degree after all when he’s already a baker with a business, he’s super young still he gotta keep his prospects open. so YAH. he’d rather be doing culinary arts but eh. nutritional science sounded better and more logic based. the real miracle is he still gets top grades all the time even tho he spends his life like wtf am i even doing is this even legit akdkdk. school is the worst thing in the world for him watch his mood instantly deflate the second its brought up. 

despite being a quixotic, he’s a lil afraid of intimacy. like oh god does he love it, those small touches and acts of affection u kno? the subtle things that normally go unnoticed, eye contact, brushing of hands, linking of little fingers, rubbing a thumb, kissing eyelids or foreheads or palms or shoulders in little gentle pecks, back massages and rubs or finger tracing patterns absent-minded, shoulder massages, laying your head on someone’s shoulder or on their lap, knocking knees together, exchanging a small glance only the two of you get before bursting into laughter, smiling into kisses, napping together, having blankets placed over you warm and fresh, or towels put ready like it, someone making you something they know you like a lot. that’s his sHIT. but like he’s terrified still, someone skimming their fingers on his skin makes his breath hitch like he’s a scandalized and alarmingly aroused victorian woman sjdjd. he’s literally still a virgin, he hasn’t even had his first kiss okay my baby is delicate be gentle with him akdkd but he still LIKES PASSION AIGHT kfkf. 

real soft spoken, honey tinted voice like i shit u not this boy talks like he’s an angel sent from heavens above to guide you to the paradisaical garden of eden or some shit akdkd. ur gonna fall in love with eunha’s voice before u even fall in love with any other part of him like his adorable beaming smile or stunning eyes akdkf. 

has dance parties around his room when getting ready in the morning, listens to bella’s lullaby unironically yes from twilight yes u heard right, bit of a himbo streak sometimes in his obliviousness djfjf. quite silently subtly funny actually much like jacob himself. 

he is gay, afraid of driving, cannot do math, blanks out often and he is valid for all of those things. has a collection of cartoon and disney animal movie dvds. has a dream notebook. always has blue painted nails in some kinda shade. 

does not enjoy turning in assignments bc he is scared he’ll fail, avoids looking at his grades for weeks after they’re released and hates knowing that they’re out. 

cannot dance, dances often. collects vintage stuff esp clothes and mostly sweaters. likes midnight trips to corner stores and fields where he can just lay and look at the stars. makes friends rlly easily but has super bad performance anxiety. cannot ever have a messy room like even the tiniest bit messy. even like clothes being stacked on a chair instead of away. 

bakes peanut butter, banana and choc chip muffins (they r called monkey bites normally) whenever he’s super stressed. if u want to cheer him up when he’s anxious or stressed then u should give him french lavender honey, chia seeds and caramelized pear on toast/bagel. it is his comfort food. he fancii when he needs a pick me up. treat urself and all that. 

[sdvvillagers]

How would the different villagers spend their time in self-isolation/social distancing/lockdown?

I’ve placed the answer below a cut, not only because it’s a bit long, but also to make it easily skippable.  For some, this is a subject that brings about anxiety and discomfort, whereas for others, talking about it and thinking about it in terms of a fantasy world is soothing and reassuring.  That being said, I hope you all are happy, healthy, and safe right now.

Mayor Lewis is a bit overwhelmed by all of this, he’s never really had to deal with anything of this scope before and he’s not entirely certain how to handle it.  He relies on Doctor Harvey’s help a lot for guidance on what is recommended in terms of social distancing, emergency measures, etc.  Whatever Doctor Harvey recommends is what he goes with and he tries to help as much as possible to carry out the orders.  He works closely with local business-owners to provide assistance for merchants who aren’t receiving business (such as Clint, Robin, Marnie, etc.) or to provide resources to those who ARE receiving business and are in need of a flow of supplies (Gus, Pierre, Doctor Harvey).

Doctor Harvey, of course, is the most affected.  He’s placed strict social distancing measures in place with the help of Mayor Lewis and has taken every precautionary measure necessary to keep everyone safe.  He’s worked round the clock to prepare himself, his clinic, and his patients and to ensure that there is enough supplies at his disposal to keep everyone healthy.  He is especially mindful of Vincent, Jas, Evelyn, and George and helps them all maintain social distancing as much as possible.  He speaks with Alex, Marnie, and Shane about the importance of keeping them safe and secluded, the importance of proper hand-washing, the importance of following the social distance orders, and the important tasks they face as caregivers to Vincent, Jas, Evelyn, and George as younger/older members of the community.  To further maintain social distancing and to keep her safe, Harvey puts Maru on temporary leave from the clinic and he runs it all himself.  It’s incredible amounts of work and stress to run the clinic alone during all of this, but he feels it’s for the best.  No sense in putting Maru in jeopardy when he’s capable of taking care of everything himself.

Gus is busy, busy, busy!  He had offered delivery of his food to villagers stuck at home and WOW have the villagers been taking him up on his offer.  Gus stays behind in the kitchen to cook basically non-stop while Emily runs around town making food deliveries.  Both Emily and Gus are happy to do it, though, it brings them joy to know that they can provide hot meals to the community in this time of crisis.

With Emily gone so much working in the saloon, Haley mostly has full reign of the house.  She misses taking shopping trips into the city or walking around town just to people-watch.  Being stuck at home is incredibly boring and every so often, she’ll sneak out into the forest with her camera just to take some pictures and get some fresh air.

At Pierre’s store, business is booming.  As villagers stock up on essentials and grocery items, Pierre is very busy to keep up with demand and keep the shelves stocked for the community.  Caroline is quick to help with the extra work, mostly to cope with her boredom.  She’s very social and desperately misses time spent gossiping with her friends in town square so at least working in the shop helps pass the time.  In her free time, she’s primarily on the phone, usually with either Jodi or Marnie.  Abigail is placed in charge of grocery delivery, a new service Pierre has offered in light of the current situation.  Abigail basically spends her day running back and forth to the homes in town to deliver the orders while Pierre and Caroline stock the shelves and fill the orders.  When Abigail DOES find herself with downtime, she locks herself in her room to play video games to escape.

George and Evelyn were given strict instructions from Doctor Harvey to maintain social distancing and have been receiving grocery deliveries and food deliveries to their door to keep them safe.  Evelyn desperately misses her gardening and she hates to think of what the community gardens will look like when this is all over, but she understands the importance of staying safe.  George isn’t all that affected by it, most days are spent in social isolation anyway by choice, so now he’s at least glad that community events are all cancelled until further notice.  Alex goes a bit stir crazy, he misses going up to the spa in the mountains to work out or to the beach to hang out with Haley.  He occupies his time by keeping his grandmother company, he knows how hard this is on her.  They spend their days cooking together, playing card games, and he helps Evelyn care for George as much as possible.

Pam can tolerate it pretty well until nighttime.  Nighttime is when she would go to the saloon every night to drink and socialize and now that’s all over.  She doesn’t have too terribly many friends, but she did enjoy chit-chatting with Gus every night over a beer.  She purchased bottled beer to keep at home to at least not lose out on her nightly ritual, but it’s just not the same.  She receives judgmental stares from Penny and finds herself drinking less as a result, whether she likes it or not.  Penny busies herself by coming up with video lessons for the children and although she misses them terribly, she knows she has to be strong and keep a happy face on for them.  When she’s not teaching the children, she takes advantage of her spare time to read as much as possible.  She doesn’t have too terribly many books at home, she usually relies on the library which is now closed, but she makes do.

In the mountains, most of the household actually survives quite well.  This isn’t too terribly different for Sebastian, he usually locks himself in his room to work on his computer so that doesn’t change all that much.  The biggest issue is that Friday night pool at the saloon is no more and although it’s usually a high point of his week, he’s able to work something out with Abigail and Sam.  Instead, they play Friday night Solarian Chronicles over video chat, so he still gets to keep his Friday night ritual of hanging out with his friends.  Maru finds herself with more time than normal with Harvey placing her on leave, she’s okay with locking herself in her room to work on her robotics projects or to help her dad in the lab.  Demetrius is able to continue life as normal, his work in the lab continues and his outdoor research in the mountains is unaffected.  Robin, on the other hand, is very affected.  She’s a very social creature and misses her weekly workout group, misses visiting with people in town, and misses her work.  Mayor Lewis has assisted her financially due to lack of work, but she gets very stir-crazy stuck at home.

Jodi, Sam, and Vincent’s life gets difficult.  What little escape Jodi had while Sam was working and while Vincent was at school is now gone and she returns to full-time motherhood.  Vincent is very easily bored and in-need of stimulation and she has to get creative to come up with ways to keep him busy.  He misses Jas and Penny and needs lots of reassurance.  Sam helps out as much as he can, but even Sam is bouncing off the walls a bit being confined to the house.  He locks himself in his room a lot to play his guitar or talk to his friends on the phone.  If he’s still working at JojaMart, he’s out of the house a lot picking up extra shifts at Joja to keep up with demand.  If Kent is home, his main goal is just to make himself useful.  If Jodi needs dishes done, the rug vacuumed, or the groceries put away, he’s happy to help.  Anything to distract from the feeling of being cooped up and confined, it’s incredibly unsettling for him and he needs to keep himself occupied and useful or else he starts to feel uneasy.

Life at Marnie’s ranch isn’t too terribly different.  Of course the ranch isn’t receiving any business, but they are able to survive with assistance from the mayor.  Marnie pours all of her time and effort into her animals, having Jas assist her in the barns and coops to make sure the animals are cared for.  If Shane is working at Joja, he’s gone quite a bit with working.  If not, he’s incredibly miserable stuck at home.  He helps out in the coop when he can, but Marnie seems to have everything under control and doesn’t need him all that much.  He sulks in his room, unable to plaster a smile onto his face for morale.  He doesn’t want Jas to see him like this, so he stays locked away to sulk.

Life for Linus actually becomes a bit more serene.  It wasn’t often he would run into people but when he did, it was never usually a welcome interaction.  Now, with everyone remaining in their homes, he can finally enjoy the peace and quiet of the mountains all to himself.

Villagers who live alone like Clint, Willy, Elliot, and Leah, are very much affected.  They feel incredibly alone and feel the weight of the isolation.  Willy turns to fishing, Elliot turns to writing, Leah turns to her artwork, and Clint finds himself working on large projects that he’s always wanted to do, but never had the time.  Still, even all these projects and busywork isn’t quite enough to help pass the time and these four take the isolation period incredibly hard.

[hallmark-movie-fanatics]

'Christmas Tree Lane': Alicia Witt & Andrew Walker on Finally Working Together

By Meredith Jacobs 

Alicia Witt and Andrew Walker are very familiar faces to Hallmark fans, but until one of this year's "Miracles of Christmas" offerings, they had never met.

That changed with Hallmark Movies & Mysteries' Christmas Tree Lane, in which the two stars play a will-they-or-won't-they potential couple. Witt's Meg runs into Walker's Nate (and keeps running into him) before she learns he's partially why her music store may have to close; his company is seeking to redevelop Christmas Tree Lane. You can guess where the romantic complications comes in.

Here, Witt — who is also an executive producer and wrote an original song for the movie,Christmas Will Never End — and Walker preview their characters' journeys.

Introduce your characters. What's missing in their lives?

Alicia Witt: Meg's going through a period in her life where she's happy, but she senses that something is missing; not only someone special to share her life with, but also her music, which is a great big part of her soul and her spirit. She has long since stopped seeking a life where she's making music professionally or seeking to be a recording artist for a living. She gets great joy out of working with her students and running the family music store they've had for generations, but such a big part of her identity is composing and writing songs and putting those out, expressing herself in that way, and, when we first meet her, that's something she has squelched for quite a long time. 

Andrew Walker: When you're met with similarities in your own life ... it's like this exorcism in a way. Nate is very similar to me in a lot of respects. He's constantly on the move, constantly got things happening, but he's been trying to find some sort of peace in his life, hence him moving back home. His dad and him have been working together. He's been going city to city, developing properties for his father. Kids in general have their issues from time to time with their parents and, in this respect, Nate and his father have butt heads for a long time. Nate is more creative. He's trying to find a new sense of what his norm would be, just trying to connect with himself and his family.

Then he's met with this challenge in trying to convince Meg this could be a good thing for her and her family, and also trying to appease his father. He's been a guy that's been on the run from facing reality and maturing, and [I'm] very similar. I feel like I only started maturing after the birth of my first child; I'm still on that journey. ... I do meditate now, and this is something Nate would probably be doing as well, just trying to be a better version of himself and, when he meets Meg, she is the catalyst to him being [that]. That's scary, when you meet somebody who has that much of an impact on your life. 

What initially draws each to the other and keeps bringing them together, other than her friend playing matchmaker?

Witt: [Laughs] I'm just remembering how much fun we had filming those scenes with my friend just constantly shoving us together and vanishing. For Meg, a big part of this is what Andrew brought to the role of Nate and how he embodied him. It felt like there was some purpose Meg was aware of without even knowing exactly why. It seemed like she was supposed to be talking to this guy. The fact that they keep running into each other is meaningful enough. Meg, like me, is somebody that pays attention to coincidences that seem too strange to merely be a coincidence. 

It's such a strange time, where her whole life as she knows it is about to change with Christmas Tree Lane having been sold and everything she grew up with seemingly about to shift, so it's true when she says, "I'm focused primarily on saving Christmas Tree Lane." But at the same time, this guy's coming in and causing her to feel inspired and alive in a way she hasn't allowed herself to in a few years, and the fact that's happening at the same time as all these other changes, her life is already so strange that it isn't any more strange to have this wonderful, new human that's shown up. 

It is, for her, also very scary, and he's also opening that door for her to start creating again and feeling inspired. For myself, when I meet somebody and all of a sudden I can't stop coming up with ideas for songs that I know are largely about them, I know those are some big feelings coming up.

Walker: On Nate's side, being challenged in a relationship is the best place to be. When you're open to that challenge, to change, there's something there. My wife and I own a business, and she challenges me, but as reluctant as I am sometimes, I am open to that. When Nate does meet Meg, he doesn't really realize it, but she pushes him to be open and available and accessible, and that's scary for anybody.

Alicia, what did you specifically want to showcase with that original song?

Witt: I thought the most important thing for Meg to express though that song is this sense that, whatever the future holds, it's going to be alright and a large part of that has to do with Nate, and it's all tied into the history and the memories of Christmas Tree Lane: her whole life spent there, her family, her closest friends. But then there's this sense that this newness is now going to come in, and whether it continues on Christmas Tree Lane or elsewhere, he's going to be a part of future memories and in so doing that, he'll be a part of all the past memories. 

There's something about Christmas that ties together everything we've ever experienced anyway, which is what I loved about the idea of creating a story set in this world of vintage stores that have been around for over 100 years, and at Christmastime, we automatically find ourselves flashing back to where we were Christmas Eve when we were 4.

I wanted there to be a sense of hope, and what Meg would want, as I would want, in creating any Christmas song is something that hopefully whoever's listening can relate to, even though it's specifically about Christmas Tree Lane and our love story. And it's also tricky writing a song like that because it's too soon for, "I love you with all my heart and we're going to spend the next 30 years together without question," but it's hopeful, saying, "I have a feeling, you could be all of this, and let's go for it."

You both have been in quite a few Hallmark movies, but you've never worked together before now. What made this one the right one?

Walker: That's a question for Alicia because I feel like I just lucked out in being available and chosen for this role and taken on this journey with her, but she held the power in that. 

Witt: Hallmark suggested Andrew. I knew of Andrew's work but I just watched a few quick things to remind me, and I think it took me about a minute and a half to say, "Oh yes, absolutely, 100 percent, no question."

Walker: Two minutes maybe?

Witt: Maybe two minutes. [Walker laughs.] It wouldn't have been two minutes of watching time, it would've just been two minutes of searching time to try to find a sample of a couple different types of roles.

There's such an obvious, genuine, playful, completely guileless, what-you-see-is-what-you-get, but also super-intelligent and deep, and a quality that makes you want to know more. I thought that Nate was such a complicated character in many ways to find the perfect spirit to embody because you need to not be 100 percent [sure] who he is at first, but you have to like him a whole lot, and you have to also question just a little bit where his loyalties lie when you find out his allegiance to Cloverfield. 

But at the same time, you have to really root for him and believe what he's saying is true and he really wants to save Christmas Tree Lane and there was every quality and more than I ever could have dreamed of in Andrew. I was so, so grateful he was available and able and said he liked the script. I like him even more now that we've worked together, and I truly can't wait to do it again.

Walker: That's very sweet, Alicia. I couldn't have picked a better person to work with, honestly, coming back from COVID and this journey we've been on and both of us felt so grateful to be not only working but also working together. I had known of Alicia, obviously, for years, and I've seen her work many times, and to work with somebody like her, the caliber of game that she brings in every role, it was nice to see her work off camera and what goes into that and how devoted she is.

It felt like most of our scenes, even though there was a framework to it, we improvised a lot, and you don't get that with somebody you don't trust and feel has your back. I felt we could sit there and not say a word to each other and just feel like there was progress in the scene. I have wanted to work with Alicia, and I feel like this was the perfect time, the perfect project, and I feel so honored she supported Hallmark's decision in bringing my name to the table. I would love to have another opportunity down the road to work with Alicia again.  

I made a point of not listening to Alicia play piano or sing before we started this movie because I had heard through the grapevine that she was uber-talented, but I left it for the scene, when Nate and her are sitting there and she does a test run on the piano for me, and you're incredible, Alicia. This movie is your quintessential Hallmark movie, but the added flavor of having her sing and play and the musicality this movie has in it is amazing. And it was nostalgic for me because every single holiday was based around music [for my family]. 

Christmas Tree Lane, Movie Premiere, Saturday, October 24, 10/9c, Hallmark Movies & Mysteries. 

Link to full article at tvinsider.com HERE

[galacticpunchbowl]

What is Space Hotel?

Hello there, and welcome to Space Hotel!

This blog is run by the series’ creator - Eddie Francisco. My production team is known as Galactic Punch Bowl. 

This blog started several years ago chronicling the creation of an upcoming animated webseries called Space Hotel. The very first post I made described the series, but it was so long ago that it’s outdated by now.

Here, let’s start fresh again!

The idea for Space Hotel started several years back circa 2013 (and this blog started soon thereafter). I had an idea for a comedy sci-fi cartoon that follows the everyday aggravations of working at a boring desk job in space. Space Hotel is an interstellar hotel in a dome that traverses the Milky Way Galaxy. It’s a place where travelers come to rest on their long journeys, or take some time off in the resort-like atmosphere.

A Little Fictional Background:

Space Hotel takes place in the far future, the year 3,000. Earth has become a backwater planet as all of its people left to explore the galaxy. The remaining humans on Earth were stringent conservatives who ended up closing off the entire planet.

The future presented in the show is basically progressive. Nobody bats an eye at you being gay or transgender, etc. One of the main characters, Chett Vangelis (pictured further below), is a trans woman detective. In space.

I guess I kind of thought of the meme “This is the future that liberals want” and decided to literally take that further.

But while the future is socially progressive, of course not everything is peaceful. You have your assholes and your warmongers. And there’s always going to be a dead end job for someone to do, despite the growth of automation. There’s always going to be some familiar, relatable story.

What the Show is About:

The series primarily follows the front desk clerk Job McCony. Job’s story, in fact, is that he has yet to go to college because he first needs to pay of his great-ancestor’s college debt. Feeble, worrisome, and unsure of himself, Job will have to put up with a lot at his new job.

He’s paired up with a green slimy alien at the front desk named Krikkit Krustolix - a mean spirited alien who despises all of humanity. Krikkit may not do any actual work at the front desk but he wastes no time in letting Job know just how much he hates him, and how he could exploit the new guy to shift the blame on him.

On the complete opposite end of the spectrum, there’s Mally Morrison. He never once hated his job as head custodian. He could be cleaning the slimiest gunk in the bathroom and whistle joyfully. His oblivious nature and endless joy for working at a dead end job is a constant source of annoyance for Job (and everyone else really).

Frank Nicks - the manager of Space Hotel. He has been managing the hotel for quite some time now, inheriting it at its lowest point. The galaxy seems to be more impressed with other attractions besides Space Hotel. As such, Frank works to transform Space Hotel into Space Resort - if he could find the money. And the attention span. He’s a tinkerer. A self-made man. And always jumps from one idea to the next. He often resorts to lucrative schemes that seem like a good idea at first. . .

Then there’s Topps - a hyper-realistic sentient android who serves as the “Sentient Resources” representative of the hotel. She always makes sure everything is in order. She really acts more as a manager than Frank. Despite being a state-of-the-art android, she often ends up breaking down because her emotion chip cannot handle Job, Krikkit, Mally and their antics.

Trisha - the lone security officer. Trisha would much rather be out there working for Space Patrol chasing down criminals across the galaxy. But her desire to shoot first and ask questions later prevents her from successfully passing the Space Patrol entrance exam.

Chett Vangelis - the Space Patrol detective. She’s a frequent guest at the hotel being that everybody at her job is secretly fed up with how smart she is, and thus seldom assign her cases. Chett doesn’t believe in chance and seeks to uncover the mysteries of the universe in her free time. Such as, why does it seem like when you’re trying to find something you instead ALWAYS find something else you were looking for before? Is it possible to intentionally find something by intentionally not trying to find it? Chett’s on the case.

And last but not least - Livia Stargaze. A mysterious figure seen around the hotel. Sometimes her highlights are pink, other times green, and then one day she may be a brunette entirely. Who is she? What does she do? Why does she always have a wry smile? Well, we’ll just have to wait and see won’t we?

Where We’re at Now:

We’ve started a GoFundMe to help animate the first ten episodes of Space Hotel. It’s a hefty goal but every little bit counts. We’ve got one animator on board named “Neuroddic”, whose work you will see very shortly on here, as well as work from other artists we’ve got working for us. The animator Anya (helloplanetpack) helped out with the trailer and the artwork you see here! Unfortunately, she couldn’t stick around for longer.

The entire main cast is already prepared with voice actors. The scripts are written. All we need really is to bring the series to life.

If you or anyone you know is an animator and wishes to partake in this endeavor (you will be paid of course), feel free to contact me directly via tumblr or the email in the description. We are also always interested in hearing new voices for other, future characters.

This blog will showcase the characters and stories of Space Hotel, Eddie’s musings while he happens to brainstorm for new stories, and reblogging anything cool that inspires us (retro-futurism is the style). 

So we hope you enjoy your stay!

[codynaomiswireart]

“Gauze in the Wound” - Part 3

(Parts 1 & 2)

Going into a bit of a flashback on this segment!  The events in this chapter actually take place before part one, where Varian goes in for his trial with the royal court a few days after being arrested.  It...does not go well.  There is a LOT of angst in this portion, so just be ready for that.  Otherwise I hope you enjoy it!

Another Quick Note: Also, for those of you who are fans of King Frederic, Queen Arianna, and/or Rapunzel, I just want to make it clear that Varian’s dialogue does NOT necessarily reflect my own thoughts and opinions on how the characters conducted themselves in the series.  While I do think that everyone has their share of the blame in how things unfolded in season 01, this piece is very much Varian’s perspective on what had happened, so it’s of course incomplete and serves to primarily to try to justify his actions as he sees fit.  Just so you know and don’t think this is meant to be an attack on the other characters, because I do like the others.  There’s just going to be a lot for everyone to have to sift through in the future for sure.

“Often when he was teaching me to write in Greek the Fox would say, 'Child, to say the very thing you really mean, the whole of it, nothing more or less or other than what you really mean; that's the whole art and joy of words.'

“A glib saying. When the time comes to you at which you will be forced at last to utter the speech which has lain at the center of your soul for years which you have, all that time…been saying over and over, you'll not talk about the joy of words.”  ~ Queen Orual, Till We Have Faces

(Several weeks prior...)

[“Varian,” Quirin interrupted, pinching the bridge of his nose in irritation at his son’s persistence.  “Children have no place in court.”]

“…What was that you were saying Dad?” Varian couldn’t help but think to himself bitterly as he faced the doors of the palace’s throne room.  Any moment now, they would be opened, and an entire court would be assembled on the other side, all for him.  Waiting for him.  The irony of it all would’ve almost been comical, had it not been so utterly tragic.

…So, how many lies did that make now?  Varian had lost count…

With a low, heavy noise, the doors to the throne room finally swung open, and Varian did his best to ignore the murmurings and whisperings that his presence prompted as Pete and Stan ushered him in across the threshold.  It seemed as if nearly the whole kingdom had turned out to watch this trial unfold.  Varian’s head hung low, his dark bangs dangled in front of his face, and his footfalls were heavy on the carpet as he walked through the gauntlet of eyes lining the pathway to the front of the chamber.  The chains around his ankles and wrists clinked together, and their noise echoed painfully off the marble walls, tiles, and high ceiling as we went.

Varian hated it.  All of it.

He hated the feeling of so many eyes boring into him as he passed before them, and he hated all the people behind those eyes.  He hated the feeling of Pete and Stan’s hands on his shoulders as they forced him onward.  He hated the chains that clung to him like metal snakes, weighing him down.  He hated the decadence of the lofty chamber with its purple banners and gold trim – the levity of colors and light only serving to mock his miserable state.  He hated not having his goggles or work apron on, leaving him feeling even more vulnerable than otherwise.  He hated not having Ruddiger at his side (the little creature having been left locked up in their holding cell until after his trial).  He hated the royal advisor, Nigel, who stood ramrod-straight to the side of the dais, and held a scroll in his hands.  Varian hated that scroll, and the list of charges it undoubtedly contained against him.  He hated the Captain of the Guard who stood dutifully to the opposite side of the dais, his hand resting vigilantly on the pommel of his sheathed sword as his eyes followed Varian to the front of the room.

Most of all, Varian hated the two figures that had yet to enter the chamber, though Varian glared daggers at their empty thrones as he was halted in front of them.

“If only…” the incredibly hostile side of Varian thought to himself upon seeing them as such…Though, in a most fleeting moment, Varian also felt a tiny shudder run down his spine at the idea of how it nearly had been what was now before him those few nights ago – the small part of his old self that still had a say in things feeling a sense of horror at the thought.

At what he had nearly-

“ALL RISE,” Nigel’s voice rang out, interrupting Varian’s thoughts and shoving that small voice inside of him back down into the depths of his soul as the door to the side of the throne room opened, and the crowd of people all rose to their feet behind him.  Varian tensed as he heard and felt their synchronized movements like a tidal wave of judgment threatening to break over him at his back.  “FOR THEIR MAJESTIES, KING FREDERIC AND QUEEN ARIANNA!”

As King Frederic and Queen Arianna entered into the court from one of the side doors, Varian had half a mind to sit down right in the middle of the floor out of spite, but Pete and Stan’s grip on his arms prevented him from doing so.  Varian’s eyes followed the king and queen as they went, and for a brief second Varian made eye contact with the queen.  As Varian’s steely, icy blue eyes peered out at her from the shadow behind his oily, ebony hair, Varian saw a wince flash across her face before she forced herself to quickly look away.

Had her expression been out of fear of him?  Out of pity for him?  Both?  Varian wasn’t sure, nor did he care.  He loathed it all in any event.

As the king and queen came to their thrones, the king bid everyone be seated, and Varian could feel the wave behind him come roaring back down again, feeling reality crash its way down over him in tandem.

“COURT IS NOW IN SESSION!” Nigel’s voice rang out again.  “HIS MAJESTY KING FREDERIC PRESIDING!”

Varian’s trial had now begun.

Opening up the scroll, Nigel stepped forward and cleared his throat.  “Varian, son of Quirin,” he began, Varian’s eyes casting down and his hands balling into fists in anguish at hearing his dear father’s name spoken aloud (and in that stupid fake accent).  “You are hereby charged with acts of trespassing, theft, sabotage, conspiracy, disturbance of the peace, avoiding arrest, deliberate destruction of both public and private property, blackmail, assault, illegal animal experimentation, breaking and entering, kidnapping, holding multiple persons hostage, attempted homicide, attempted regicide, and treason.  How do you plead?”

Varian could practically feel the air get sucked out of the room as everyone seemed to hold their breath, waiting for his answer.

…Varian kept silent.

“How do you plead?” Nigel repeated firmly.  Still Varian did not answer.  After a moment of full, awkward silence, the king finally made to speak.

“On behalf of the defendant,” he began, causing Varian to tense up even further as the blood boiled in his veins upon hearing his enemy’s voice.  “I as judge will offer a ‘not-guilty’ plea to the charges presented.”

“The court accepts,” Nigel replied, rolling the scroll back up in a flourish.  Varian frowned hard at the floor in front of him.  Despite how it may have sounded, he knew full well that the king didn’t actually believe him to be ‘not-guilty’ – quite the contrary of course – but it was standard procedure for a ‘not-guilty’ plea to be the default when a defendant refused to speak.  Varian didn’t know much about Corona law, but that much he knew.

“The court will now hear from the defense,” Nigel continued as he signaled for Pete and Stan to let go of Varian’s arms (though the two of them remained stationed close by his sides, ready at any moment to make a grab for him if need be).

“Varian, son of Quirin,” Nigel repeated, Varian’s eyes now turning to look at him with a sideways glare.  “The court will now hear your testimony.  Do you promise to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth?”

Varian’s eyes suddenly took on a faraway look as he heard those words.

“Promises…Promises!?  The TRUTH!?”

For anyone looking on, it was eerie to watch and to listen to what came next.

For a second, it almost looked as if Varian would only remain silent again.  But then, his face turned downward, his eyes shut tightly, as his shoulders began quivering.  Pete and Stan could hear a shaky intake of breath coming from him, and for a moment, it looked as if Varian was going to cry.  Queen Arianna already began to feel having to restrain herself from rushing forward to bring the boy into a motherly embrace as she saw it.  She knew such a thing would surely be against court procedure – and likely Varian would despise such contact – but O how she longed to comfort the clearly hurting child that stood before her (even after all that had happened)!  How badly she wanted to make things even only a little bit better for him, if only she could-!

But what it all actually came to made nearly all the warmth in Arianna’s heart run cold, and she couldn’t help but sit still as stone upon her throne in horror as the realization hit her.

Varian was not crying.  He was laughing.  A joyless, ironic, pained sound to be sure, but it was indeed laughing.  Perhaps there was a hint of a sob somewhere in it too, but Varian’s anger soon pushed it back down.

“Ha ha ha ha!”  Varian’s chuckles crescendoed, before rounding off with a huff of disbelief.   “Really!?” Varian finally burst out, his eyes turning up to glare at the royals, and the both of them feeling horribly pinned beneath the pure fury that held them there with an expression that swung between sneering and scowling.  “REALLY!?  You’re honestly asking ME to promise to tell the truth!?  Ha!  That’s REAL rich, coming from you!  Why don’t you ask yourselves that same question-!”

“None of that now!” the Captain of the Guard called out as Varian dared to take a small step forward in his outburst, and Pete and Stan made to resume their grip on the boy.  Disturbed mutterings and chatterings could be heard growing in the crowd behind them in response to Varian’s words and impudence.

“Everyone, please!” the king called above the din as he stood, everyone pausing and going silent in response.  Frederic swallowed hard, forcing his next few words to come out as Arianna looked up at him with deep concern in her eyes.  “The court has agreed to hear from the defendant.  Let him speak.”

With great reluctance, the Captain, Pete, and Stan stood down, and Varian jerked his arms out of their grasp, his chains clinking roughly together.

King Fredric sat back down.  “Varian,” he tried again, attempting to refocus the proceedings as Varian’s eyes met his own with a response of pure rage.  “You have been brought here before this court to answer for the charges brought against you.  Do you have anything to say in your defense?”

“…That depends,” Varian replied through clenched teeth.  “Do you?”

King Frederic’s eyes narrowed.  He knew this was going to be a hard trial, and he knew Varian wasn’t in his right mind, but he wasn’t expecting this.

“What do you mean by that, Varian?” he dared to ask.

Varian guffawed again in response.  “Oh honestly-!?  Please, let’s not carry on this farce any longer, your majesty!” Varian mockingly bowed for a second as he said it, Arianna wincing once again in response.  “You want the truth!?  Fine!  I’ll give you the truth!”  Varian’s voice grew louder as he carried on, his shrill voice echoing around the chamber (sounding almost foreign to his own ears, as all the words he had been storing up inside of him poured out in a verbal torrent that he hardly thought to stop).

“Yeah, I did all that stuff you said!  Yes!  Fine!  Boom, guilty as charged!  You can all go home now!  Congratulations Corona!  You caught the bad guy!  Case closed!  Problem solved!  Way to finally lock up that maniac who just needed to be gotten rid off after ignoring him didn’t work!  Oooh, but you so counted on that in the beginning didn’t you Fred!?”

King Frederic’s mustache twitched in anger at Varian’s casual address of him, but he held his temper and his tongue as the boy carried on.

“Yeah, if only everyone else had ignored the situation like you did!  If only we all had our own ivory towers that we could retreat to away from danger!  Then everything would be all right for you, wouldn’t it?  Well guess what!?  We don’t all have towers!  And it WASN’T all fine!”  Now Varian felt the first stirrings of his emotion beginning to break as he thought of what he was to say next.  But it was all right.  He knew he was right, and the first stitch had already been applied to the wound he scrambled to close as he went.

He continued applying the verbal sutures.  “The black rocks weren’t stopping, and Old Corona was being destroyed!  And my father! – Your friend! – He ended up paying the price for that!  For what you refused to do anything about!  For what your daughter brought upon the kingdom!  And-!”

“What would you have had me do, Varian!?” King Frederic now interrupted, angry that Varian would drag his daughter again into this.  “You know very well yourself that the black rocks couldn’t be cut!  And I gave your village more land to rebuild!  What else was I to do!  It was not within my power to-!”

“But it was within Rapunzel’s power, wasn’t it!?” Varian shouted back.  “You know it!  I know it!  We all saw it only the other day!  She was connected to the rocks the whole time!  She could’ve done something!  And you knew!  Oooooh no, but NO!  This was your daughter of course!  You couldn’t possibly risk her precious safety for the lives of dozens of villagers living on the outskirts!  Oh, but don’t worry your highness!  Your daughter learned better than you!  She knew better than to put hundreds of lives at risk for the sake of one person!  She made that very clear the night she had me thrown out of here after I came begging for her help – begging for her to help save my father from a disaster she started!  Oh, and before you ask if I went to find help elsewhere, of course I thought of that!  But then I find that apparently my begging had been mistaken for attacking!”

Here Nigel shifted uncomfortably in his corner by the dais.

“But good for you, your majesty!”  Varian gave a couple of slow claps.  “Good!  For!  You!  You played your cards well!  Your people are so loyal to you that they wouldn’t even dream of helping anyone who was rumored to have attacked your precious little girl!  Better safe than sorry though, am I right!?  That’s how it all runs around here, doesn’t it!  Never mind if you’re proven guilty or not!  It’s all arbitrary in the end isn’t it!?  With magic!  Nothing works according to the equation around here!  Nothing around here is fair!  Nothing-!”

Varian’s voice trailed away.  He paused, taking a few deep breathes as he found himself dizzy and winded after his long rant.  He staggered a little, but remained on his feet as Pete and Stan reached out and steadied him (though of course Varian felt no gratitude).  Varian swallowed hard, and when his voice came again it was no longer shouting, but the edge still very much there.  “Yeah,” Varian began again.  “I did all that stuff you said I did.  We all know it.  And no, I’m not sorry.  Why you may ask?  Well…” Varian sneered up at the king.  “I could ask you the exact…same…thing.”

Guilty.  Of course that had been the verdict.

Guilty.

Guilty.

Guilty…

The world echoed in Varian’s brain as he was escorted back to his holding cell in the palace dungeons.  He felt exhausted.  He felt sick – the horrible aftertaste of all his words burning in the back of his throat like bile as he staggered down the stone steps.

The trial had moved on of course, as only trials do in Corona.  With Varian’s unapologetic confession for his crimes, there was little need for witness testimony, though a few were heard nonetheless.  Varian had blocked them out as best as he could…but however hard he tried, he could not block out the sound of the queen’s voice as she had given her testimony.  He honestly didn’t remember a lot of what she actually said, but her tone had dripped with the courage and dignity of a true queen, yet also with all the gentleness and compassion of motherhood.

…And Varian had hated it.

Varian let his arms hang limp as the Captain removed his handcuffs from him, and after taking off his shackles the door was shut and locked behind him.  No one would be coming by again until morning.

Then, silence.

Varian stood in the middle of his cell, utterly despondent as the light of a waning moon streamed in from the barred window.  Cautiously, Ruddiger made his way out from where he had been curled up underneath Varian’s cot to the side, alerting Varian to his presence with a few soft cooing noises.

“…H-how did it go?” Ruddiger attempted to ask through his soft chitterings.  Varian looked down at him for a moment (though his eyes almost left the impression of looking through Ruddiger as opposed to actually seeing him), and then Varian walked a few paces more to where he leaned a tired shoulder against the wall.

At that, the dam broke.

Varian didn’t even bother trying to stop it as the tears and sobs came pouring out of him almost right away, and that tiny voice he had shut away those many hours ago broke back through with a vengeance.  It brought no words with it this time, but only a need to release the heartbreak that burned like acid in his chest.  Leaning back against the wall, Varian sunk his way down into a miserable ball on the floor, burying his face in his arms as he cried in agony, and his brain reeling as the reality of it all began to hit him.

This was it.  He had truly hit rock bottom.

Varian wasn’t sure how long he had been sobbing on the floor, but presently, he wrapped his arms around himself as he suddenly felt how chilled he had become.  He wouldn’t be surprised if he were coming down with some sort of fever after everything.  But what did it all matter anymore anyway?  Why should he bother to-?

Varian’s thoughts were again interrupted that day as he now heard the sound of cloth being dragged across the floor.  Wiping the tears from his eyes for a better look, Varian saw Ruddiger dragging one of the blankets from his cot across the floor, and presently began to pull it over his master’s quivering form.  This done, Ruddiger then brought his face up to Varian’s, wiping away his remaining tears with his forepaws, and giving Varian a few quick snuffly raccoon kisses on his forehead.  “It’s ok,” he seemed to be trying to say.  “I’m here!  It’ll be all right!  I’m with you!  Don’t cry!”

Varian let a few more tears fall in grateful response, Ruddiger wiping them up as Varian pulled him in closer, burying his face in his friend’s fur.

“So, it’s come to this,” Varian thought both gratefully and pitifully.  “I’ve sunk so low I have to be mothered by a raccoon.”

A few minutes later, Varian felt himself beginning to fall into unconsciousness, hugging Ruddiger close as he made to fall into the dark embrace of the first night out of what was to be a long five years-worth for him.  And what about after that?

He felt numb.  He felt hopeless.

Or perhaps…nearly hopeless.

“Please,” Varian found that small voice in himself weakly praying in his mind as sleep took him.  “Please…someone…help me!...”

Xavier stared hard at the fire burning in the hearth, the cup of tea he had made for himself sitting cold and untouched as he rested his chin on his hands clasped in front of him, the blacksmith’s mind deep in thought.  Xavier could hardly believe what he had witnessed during the trial that day.  He could hardly believe that so much bitterness and hatred could be present in so young a person as Varian.

“…What happened to you?” was all the blacksmith could think in grief and bewilderment for the boy as he thought back to what he had seen and heard from him that day.  Of course, on one level, Xavier knew perfectly well what had happened to Varian.  Everyone in the kingdom knew about it.

But…something was still missing.

Xavier couldn’t put his finger on it, but something about the whole thing just didn’t feel complete.

“Why?”  The question had been left hanging at the end of Varian’s testimony…and it was a question no one else seemed to be asking.

Xavier cringed as he recalled what he had heard people saying around him as the court had adjourned that evening.

“Can you believe that?” one lady had said.  “The nerve of that child!  I would’ve thought Quirin would’ve raised a more well-behaved son.”

“Yes.  Poor fellow,” a man had replied in response.  “Though even before this whole thing with these horrid black rocks, I had heard that it was all Quirin could do to prevent the boy from destroying Old Corona long before such a disaster came.”

“That’s because of all the witchcraft the he dealt with!” a frightened voice had piped up next to Xavier.

“It wasn’t witchcraft you fool!” another voice interjected a few feet away.  “Everybody knows the boy was a wizard!  NOT a witch!”

“My cousin in Old Corona once told me that it was alchemy.”

“Alchemy?  What’s that?  Sounds like a kind of witchcraft to me!”

“No, alchemy is a science.  At least, that’s what the kid told everyone.”

“Yeah.  He probably told them that so he could go on making his brews and creating his spells to make his monsters and living metal men in secret!”

“Oh come on!  That part has got to be exaggerated!”

“But the witnesses all said it was true!  Oh!  Hey!  If you don’t believe me, we could go over to Old Corona and you can see for yourself!  I’ve heard a whole bunch of his metal soldiers still sit there impaled by the black rocks that the princess used to defeat him.”

“No way!  I’m not going anywhere near that place-!”

Most of the conversations Xavier had overheard went something along those lines, and it broke his heart.  Xavier didn’t know Varian very well, but he had seen the boy a few times before today, and he could hardly believe that such an excitable, energetic, and sweet child could’ve made such a drastic turn as that.  Perhaps most people chalked it up to what Varian had spouted on about earlier, or perhaps a sort of displaced anger in the face of an accident tied to the princess.  But Xavier wasn’t convinced.

Again, something was missing…But how to go finding out about it?

Finding out?

Xavier rubbed his hands over his eyes, really questioning where his mind was going as he came back to himself.  “Really now Xavier ol’ boy,” he muttered to himself, attempting to be practical.  “Remember what happened the last time you tried to help in matters like these?  What a disaster that had been.”

And it truly it had been.  Of course Xavier had found out shortly after that most peculiar day (the one with the whole debacle with his mood potion) that Varian had used a modified version of his elixir for his own schemes.  And what even greater disasters came from that.  Best then for the blacksmith to not try to stick his oar in again if he-

Xavier suddenly sat upright as it hit him like a thunderclap.  “My potion!” he thought to himself with a sour jerk of sick guilt.

Oh no…

Whether Xavier liked it or not, he been an unwitting agent for furthering Varian’s crimes.  In fact, you could even say that it was Xavier’s small potion that proved to be the point from which Varian’s whole revenge scheme was able to start from in the first place.

Varian may have been the one to start the fire, but Xavier had given him the matchbox.

…What to do then now?  Perhaps Xavier was old-fashioned that way, but he felt convinced that given this knowledge was now obligated by honor to try to rectify what he had done.

To the kingdom…to Quirin…

To Varian…

“Well…” Xavier thought aloud, an idea beginning to form in his head as he stood up and walked over to the nearby table, grabbing some paper and ink as he did so.  “Perhaps there is one thing I could do on that front…”

With that, Xavier began to compose his letter.

“Attn: The Royal Advisor Nigel, by urgent request

To their majesties King Frederic and Queen Arianna,

Greetings.  If quite agreeable to you both, I would like to request an audience at your earliest possible convenience.  I have a proposition I would like to make…”

[darkmoonflower]

My Abridged Story

This is a fraction of my long and drawn out story. The memories that have molded and shaped who I am today. The hardships and the successes leading me further down a road of wholeness. I have never shared an in depth version of where I came from, and during these trying times I find it necessary to bring these aspects of my life to light. Maybe some of you can relate, maybe not. But I thank you for reading this anyway.

Born into a world of chaos between my mother in and out of jail and rehab, and my father in the same predicament, the women in my family did their best to make sure I had an okay life. When I was in the 1st grade, I moved in with my grandmother because my mom was in jail and my dad wasn’t stable to care for me and my little brother. I was half-black living in a primarily white neighborhood, and had to face the trials of racism within the school system. I grew up with insecurities about my curly hair and the color of my skin, but also a quiet rage began to boil inside of me. I had a bitter taste of injustice on my tongue by the age of 8.

Eventually, I moved in with my mother again when she was somewhat better. Her, my brother and I shared a small apartment tucked away in the ghetto. It was challenging because she struggled with drug addiction and sometimes she would have spurts of violence and anger. On her better days she would just sleep a lot. My father was in and out, but it was hard for the both of them because they would perpetuate each other’s toxicity. Her drug habit would reinforce his drinking habit and vice versa. Soon later my father was imprisoned for three years for a crime that he did not commit. I grew up understanding what sickness was. I promised myself I would never follow down that path. 

I was always an overachiever. I would wince at the sight of a B- on my report card and spend long hours at night chipping away at the long list of academic responsibilities I had committed to. School was my ticket out of the darkness. My family was always so supportive in this regard. They wanted to see me do better and did their best to make sure I had my needs met as a child. 

Between balancing school life and my dysfunctional home life, I fell into deep depression by 14. I call the place that I entered into my “Shadow Garden” where all of the vices would build their homes. I began to party a lot. Drinking and having sex. Living out my traumas and feeding my pain with trivialities of the outside world. Who was I? I was a damaged. By the age of 16 I had tried to commit suicide three times, which by the third time I woke up in a hospital with doctors telling me how lucky I was to be alive. 

I spent four weeks in an adolescent mental health facility, where I met a lot of kids with different stories, but one thing that I found was that beyond their sicknesses they all had powerful gifts. The doctors declared me as bi-polar and sent me home with a bunch of medications (all of which I refused to take). Something strange started moving within me after that whole near- death experience. A deep feeling of optimism arose in my chest. “I will get better,” I told myself. 

In these times, my family didn’t know how to support me. My mother fell into a state of self-pity and it felt as though the rest of the world had no idea of what I was even going through. That year, I lost all of my friends and I was left to really sit with myself. I was truly piecing together who I was after all of the years of trauma breaking me down. Eventually, I was offered a job to travel the north east and work music and art festivals.

When I was 17 I graduated high school with a lousy 3.90 GPA, and got accepted into every university that I applied for. I had made the decision not to attend my graduation and to head out west for my college orientation in Colorado. My dreams were to become a journalist and travel the world (which is kind of what I have been doing minus the degree) So, I packed up my truck and headed west. It was one of the most courageous things I had done. I realized that it would be the start of a very long journey.

I left behind my troubles out east and eventually went to my first Rainbow Gathering, which is a gathering of wild humans in the forest who come together to share stories, meals, music, dance, and love with the intention of healing the world. This was my first experience truly watching the sunrise. This was when I gave birth to myself. Needless to say, I left college for the road. It’s been a long journey of healing and transformation ever since, and since then I have found my soul family. 

Today, my family is still going through some deep healing and unresolved pain and sickness. For the first time in three years I had decided to revisit my past. My relationship with my family is really tricky. My mom is still in and out of her unhealthy cycles, my father is still struggling with his mood swings, and my little brother has to bare witness to it all, which is the most heart breaking part. 

Today, I feel heavy because I don’t know if the ones that I love will ever get better. So I am learning to love them anyway, to love them unconditionally with compassion and understanding. I am also learning what it means to move forward. Sometimes it seems like you’re moving back in time, but it’s all part of the journey of moving forward into a better way of life. I choose not to let the poor decisions of the ones around me hold me back. A part of cultivating strength and courage is seeing where the struggle lies, and choosing to be happy anyways. 

Today I feel grateful because my story has shaped me into who I am as a person. It has taught me resilience, and for that I have no desire to alter the past. The world is a big place. It’s full of hardship, suffering, violence and pain just as much as it’s full of beauty, joy, peace, and divinity. 

The red road is my saving grace. It is the path that I have chosen. It is the path that has chosen me. It has shown me that I am not alone, but rather I am a child of the Divine and I deserve to be happy. You do too, so if you are reading this and you feel that you are moving through your own darkness in some way just remember...

It Does Get Better.

Thank you for reading. I hope this has touched you in some way. 

Aho Mitakuye Oyasin

[gregoryandrew1991]

Reiki Cure Anxiety Creative And Inexpensive Tricks

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Reiki Healing Youtube

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Reiki Healing Hands

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Reiki healing ability, physically and mentally.In addition, your instructor on the client must be used.The other aspect of the subtle re-balancing of their beliefs and mysticism.Then, begin practicing with friends and family.To practice, lift your right arm and close my eyes, check to see if there were various variations which are unforgettable today.

[saintheartwing]

May the Force Be With You, Part Six

“6:45 express pulling into the station. You’re always on time!” 

Darth Raize smiled as she shook the poofy-but-grey-haired human’s hand. People on Nar Shadaa got their news primarily from fancy news stations that gave the major stories of the day via tele-vid stories. But those dealt with the major news of the day. When it came to more local stories, to the various boroughs of Nar Shadaa, there were smaller stations giving out newspads. You could get one for every single borough...along with a nice meal or snack or drink if you had the right station. 

And Darth Raize always came to the right fleet station. The high-powered hovertrains could get anywhere in the city within a matter of just a few minutes, faster than any hover vehicle. But you did have to put up with lots and lots of people crowded about, it could get ugly...it could SMELL ugly too. But Raize put up with it because at the end of her trip, after going out for an early morning run, she’d always return to the closest station to her and Furiosa’s home…

She’d return to Valentino. 

“Here.” He held up the datapad for her as the snow came down heavy and hard around her. “I made sure the datapads on the West Burough were EXTRA warm, right by the heater. And when I picked them up from the local distributor, I stuffed them under my coat to make them warm.” “You’re good to me, Valentino.” Raize said softly as she smiled back at him. Valentino had a rather big nose, but an even bigger smile, and a beefy, though somewhat tubby, body. 

“Hey, you and your girl cleaned up my neighborhood. Ain’t had a single mugging in three years since you came.” Valentino had insisted. “And you bring me cuisine!” 

“Salmon and capers quiche. You sure this is what you want?” She asked as she took out her little gift for the “newsstand man”. Valentino smiled as he took it.

“Absolutely. My wife Hali will raise hell cuz it raises my cholesterol, but, ah! I will die a happy and fat man.” He chortled. “Wish your daughter Nora luck on her finals for me. I can hardly believe she’s in her third year already.”

Valentino chuckled as he put the quiche away behind his countertop, the snow continuing to fall around him and his stand, and flopping onto Raize’s shoulders, even in her hooded robes. “Ah, the time flies so quickly when its not standing still. Oh, and uh, speaking of flying, I heard about that attempted attack on your tower from that ship. I can’t believe someone had the guts to try that!” He admitted. 

“Yeah, I know, it’s pretty shocking.” Raize admitted. “But we handled it alright.” 

Every day, she’d get a chance to talk to him. And she’d be lying if she said she didn’t enjoy it. 

“So this big monster, from what I heard, he smashed right through the building? How did you subdue it?” 

“Oh, we had to use both of our Jedi mind trick gifts. It wasn’t too difficult, the thing had a brain the size of a cannoli. I’m sorry I couldn’t be here yesterday. Furiosa had a touch of the flu, and I had to be there. She gave me the usual insistence. “My head hurts...my tummy hurts...my itty bitty widdle pinkies hurt”. And I just melted. I couldn’t go do patrols or go out on the town when she’s like that.” 

“Ahh, she needs more VITAMINS. You know, my wife could prescribe some, she IS a doctor…”

Valentino was a regular presence in her life. And a beloved one.

“They said the moon almost got blown up when the Mandalorians attacked! Can you believe we fought them off!?” “I know, I know, sometimes I don’t even believe we did it ourselves, it was touch and go. But you know, I want to do something nice for your news stand. You provide a great service to the neighborhood, and I thought you could use a hand rebuilding it, it’s gotten pretty beat up over the past couple of years.” 

Valentino was just always there. Always reliable. A constant. And people need constants in their life. 

“A child is a blessing, I tell you. Nora’s gonna be a mommy, can you believe it! I’M gonna be a grandpa! I hope one day you get blessed yourself. Maybe adopting?” 

“Oh, we’ve thought about it, honestly. It’s a great joy, I’ve heard.” “GREATEST joy, and greatest pain.” 

Then one day she’d noticed something.

“You sure you don’t want some? I can pick out the broccoli if you’d like.” “You’re a very good woman, Ms. Raize. No thank you. Gotta get to work. Don’t want a pink slip for the new year, y’know?” “Okay. But...are you alright? You look...troubled.” 

“...I’m fine, really, Ms. Raize. I’m fine.” 

And then, the next day...he wasn’t there. And the day after that. And the day after THAT. And then…

“Excuse me, where’s Mr. Valentino?” “Who?” 

She put her hands on her hips as she looked at the men who were packing up the news stand, breaking it down, moving it out of the way so that something else, most likely a dumpster, could be put there. The construction workers stared at her. 

“The man who works here. Poofy hair, also grey, big nose, he’s got slightly tanned skin and he’s usually wearing big, thick brown jackets?” “Dunno. He doesn’t work here anymore. His boss contacted our bosses and just told us that he wasn’t here anymore, and if he’s not here managing the thing, it can’t stay here. So they’re packing it up, and deciding if they want to put the thing elsewhere or not.” The lead construction worker said with a shrug, the wolf-esque alien shrugging as he adjusted the cap he wore. “Dunno where he went, Ms. Raize. Not a clue.” 

Furiosa was soon gently patting Raize on the back as the two sat in their penthouse on the couch, Raize slightly kneading over her hands.

“People leave, peanut. It happens. Especially in a big place like Nar Shadaa. There’s always bit players that zip in and out of your life. Some to poke you in the eye and wreck your week and others that are sweeth breaths of fresh air when the city seems to ugly to bear, and then...well, they go!” Furiosa reasoned. “Even endearing little Alderaanean refugees with cute wives and even cuter daughters.” “I don’t know his last name. I don’t even know where he lived. And I wouldn’t even say we were friends necessarily but...he always always there and now he’s NOT…” Raize muttered as she jiggled her leg nervously. “...I want to try and find him.” 

“You couldn’t get anything out of his mind when you tried to read him?” “Nothing, it was all super cloudy. I’m usually very good with being able to tell what’s on someone’s mind thanks to the Force. But there are people who are resistant to it and who don’t even know it. And then there’s people who are immune to it completely.” 

“We HAVE resources. Let’s get a bounty hunter to track him down.” Furiosa offered warmly. “I know just the guy. He comes highly recommended and he has a unique ability that could come in handy. And he has a lot of contacts in the criminal wing of Nar Shadaa that could prove helpful too.”

“Who?”

So it was that a very distinct figure was now interviewing MRS. Valentino. Or rather,  Hali T. Savarr, the wife of Valeninto Savarr, and mother of Nora Savarr. She had lovely locks of hair indeed, sweeping around her face as her daughter held her hand. Both had soft skin, and quiet voices, with cute freckles on their faces as the bounty hunter looked them over, his four-digited paws taking down notes on a notepad he’d brought.

The bounty hunter had a red bandanna that covered the top of his head, it rather resembled an old-fashioned “pirate’s cap” in how it looked. He had yellow eyes, with slightly darker yellow pupils, a diamond-shaped nose with a pink peace symbol necklace hanging down over his sleeveless white t-shirt. He wore red shorts that had white jagged ends at the bottom and a “Wave” of white flowing at the top, a belt of black with a green sonic pattern running through it, and his paws had gems embedded through them, green and glittering, encased in a black circular frame. It was as if someone had punched a hole right through and stuffed the gems in. He had sharp-looking fangs in his mouth, and his feet were balled, as if he could rollerblade around, and though he spoke in a faintly surfer-boy twang…

His eyes indicated he was taking all of this dead serious.

“So he missed your birthday.” He murmured. “And ain’t what your dad does. At all.” He offered quietly.

“No. It isn’t.” Valentino’s daughter admitted. “They were very appreciative, you know. The local police. We waited 24 hours before we called. They asked all the right questions. He had no enemies. Very few friends. No plans to travel. No drugs. No drinking. No vices of any sort. And there was no sign of a struggle and nothing stolen. Then they left, and that was three weeks ago.” 

“I’m certain he’s dead.” His wife murmured. “We just want to bury him. My darling Valentine would never miss our daughter’s birthday. Not ever.”

Frequency reached out, and softly held the women’s hands in his paw. “...I’m gonna do everything I can. You don’t gotta worry about paying me. A REAL good friend is looking into this, okay?”

Unbeknownst to Frequency OR to the Dyad, Kendall was also going to find himself involved in the case, because he happened to end up in the same bar that Frequency would end up in the very next night. Kendall was currently tending to the VERY beaten up bar patrons after a particularly horrible bar fight that had broken out only half an hour ago. The red-haired Logosian sighed, shaking his head back and forth as he leaned down and used a pair of tweezers, caaaaarefully extracting some splinters from a...very personal area.

“My, oh my, you’re lucky there was literally a doctor in the house. Or rather, a trained nurse.” Kendall confessed as he got to work on removing the splinters from the unfortunate Rodian, who whimpered pitifully as the woman who’d struck him “harrumphed”, looking away. Other bar patrons were nursing their own wounds, Kendall having helped to patch them up as he kept plucking the splinters out. “Just hold still, alright?” “Thanks…” The Rodian muttered. He had various cheek studs in his cheek and he cringed, one eye puffy and swollen as Kendall sighed. He recognized the Rodian, it was the same one who’d come in on the day he’d met Darth Raize. “I appreciate this again, you’re a real swell guy. Especially for a Logosian, they ain’t nice at all to folks like me. You ever in the neighborhood and want a favor, ask me.” 

Kendall nodded, then looked up at the Twi’lek woman.  “Did you happen to see who started the bar fight?” He asked her, the woman having a bad split lip as she pressed an ice pack to it, and a nasty, awful cut across her right arm that he’d applied gauze to. 

“No...I just remember getting a chair to my arm and the wood flying so I lashed out with a chunk of wood I grabbed off the floor.” She muttered. 

“Listen-EEEEGH. T-thanks for...for patching me...patching me up. Seriously. I’m REAL grateful. And again, here’s my card. You ever wanna favor…” The Rodian handed his card to Kendall as Kendall took it, smiling. Frequency took notice of the Rodian walking off towards his very heavily-armored hovercar that had just parked outside the bar...and which had several tough-looking guards inside. 

SNIVVIANS. Mammalian species, protruding jaws, short fangs, thick skin, large snout, big black eyes. And Snivvians were immune to Force influence. You couldn’t influence their minds at ALL, and these looked to be heavily armored types at that. And Frequency wanted to try and avoid making enemies, so an outright assault would be a bad idea. “Crap. How am I gonna chat that Rodian up now?” He wondered aloud. “Major uncool!” 

WHY did he want to talk to that Rodian? Well, Frequency had checked around Valentino’s apartment, and he’d noticed a very faint crack in the ceiling tiles where he lived, right above his bed. Sure enough, inspecting it had revealed...a betting book. Valentino had begun placing bets on races for about three months, EXACTLY when his daughter had been having trouble with paying for medical school. He hadn’t wanted her to drop out, especially not when she was in the middle of finals week!

The question now became “where did he place those bets and with who”? Well, Frequency had made some calls. As a bounty hunter, he did have contacts, but alas, none of them were involved in the racing game. But they knew someone who was, and that was that Rodian, named Karry. 

But Frequency couldn’t approach Karry directly, clearly. Not just because he wouldn’t be able to convince Karry to talk with a bit of...psychic persuasion from one of Frequency’s special tools, but because Frequency had promised to avoid killing or fighting people on a job whenever he could help it. And the Rodian’s guards were NOT going to let some rando speak to their boss. That much was clear. Frequency did TRY to just outright approach Karry at his workshop just in case, going to a place in the seedier districts of the capital, but the guards had turned him away, told him to get lost if he wasn’t interested in making a bet, and at the mere NOTION that they could be BRIBED to let him speak to their boss, they’d gotten out their guns and told him to scram.

Well, if HE couldn’t speak to him…

Perhaps that Logosian could. So Frequency was soon tailing Kendall, and followed him to the hotel room. He knocked on the door, Kendall calling out…

“It’s open. Come in.”

Frequency was surprised, but he walked inside, surprised at how Kendall was currently using his legs to kick the shit out of a training dummy in the middle of the room. The same sort of swift, sweeping strikes, all while murmuring something under his breath...it was a chant, a chant about the Force.

“What’re you doing?” Frequency inquired.

“I could say the same about you, I noticed you were tailing me.” Kendall said. “Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge…”

“What’s with the...kicking and the chanting?” 

“You don’t know about “repeating actions”?” Kendall asked as he finished kicking the training dummy, taking in some long, deep breaths before turning to Frequency. “It’s a set of pre-determined movements in order to maximize concentration. As the saying goes, repetition is the mother of learning and the father of action, which makes it the architect of accomplishment.” Kendall confessed. “It helps me focus, it builds up my lower body strength, and I’m able to really clear my mind. Mr. Solo actually taught me it, its something he picked up when he was young, it helped him with becoming a good shot...also, WOW, he kicks like a horse. Found that out the hard way when we did a training fight with no weapons.” Kendall confessed. “So...what can I help you with? Do you need a doctor on the sly, because I’m a head nurse,  not a doctor.”

“I can’t believe you SAW me. I’m getting sloppy here on Nar Shadaa. Bummer.” Frequency sighed. “Look, I...need a favor, but not a medical one. I know you know that Karry guy, that Rodian who’s a bookie boss for the illegal racing circuit. I wanna ask him some stuff about this guy I was hired to find.” Frequency admitted. “They won’t let ME talk to him, but they may let you, dude. So could ya do me a solid? I’ll owe ya.” 

“Okay.” Kendall remarked, as he held out his hand, shaking Frequency’s paw. It rather felt like he was shaking hands with a big blue teddy bear. “I’ll be happy to help. Tell me what you’d like me to ask Mr. Karry.”

“It’s some stuff about this newsstand owner, Valentino, who went missing. I KNOW he was making bets with Karry. I want to find out on what, how much, that sort of thing. If Karry knows where he went, all the better…” “You’re a bounty hunter, so you know this could end real badly, right?” Kendall asked quietly. “I’ve learned a lot about people working in the free clinic. You may find out something about your lost newsstand owner you really wish you hadn’t. He may not be who you think he is.” “Don’t matter. Dude’s lost, and I got asked to find him.” Kendall was surprised at the earnestness in Frequency’s voice. Despite the rather ridiculous “Surfer Boy” accent, he was so...sincere. “Okay. Write down what you want me to ask.” Kendall said as he went over to the nearby desk, getting out a notepad. “And then you’d better leave before Han and Leia get back. We can talk about what you can do for me later. Sound fair?”

…

…

…

… “He went home.” “What?” 

Kendall stared in confusion at Karry, sitting across from him in his office. 

“He took me for a bundle too. Lucky duck. Hit the big one and took it all the way back to his home planet.” Karry explained with a shrug. “I’m not too surprised. Said he wanted to buy back his old family home after the bank there repossessed it.” 

“Wait, that’s it? Just leaving his wife and pregnant daughter when she’s about to give him a grandchild?” Kendall was confused. He scratched his head, looking at Karry.

“He said it was embarrassing that they didn’t have a proper home and had to squeeze together into a tight apartment. Told me he was going to cash his winnings immediately and head off. That’s the last I saw of him.” Karry insisted. “When they get big winnings, they ALWAYS wanna go buy the biggest stuff they can think of.” 

It sounded reasonable enough, but Kendall, having worked in a doctor’s office for years, had noticed that certain patients had...tells. Ways you could “tell” if they were nervous or lying or afraid. Jiggling legs, bumps popping up on certain parts of the skin, sometimes their faces would turn a different color, or their eyes would flicker off to the left hand side over and over. And for Rodians, it was the glistening of their eyes, as if their very eyeballs were submerged in water and ready to begin dripping onto the floor below. When they were nervous or afraid, you could see their big dark eyes looked glistening, as if wet, and Karry’s was super glistening indeed. 

Kendall SO badly wished he could use the Force to make Karry speak, but...he couldn’t. So he thanked the Rodian and left, heading to an alleyway not far away as Frequency rested on the wall.

“How do you bounty hunters do it?” He asked quietly. “Deal with the...the lies, the inhumanity, the open cruelty? The worst parts of people?”

“Depends on the type of guy ya are. Me…” Frequency held up a pistol, spinning it around before he slunk it right back into its holster in a single smooth motion. “I have my ways. What about you?” Kendall bit his lip. He paced back and forth, thinking long and hard. Then he got an idea. 

“Karry doesn’t know I’ve got a lightsaber.” He remarked. “That I’m training as a Jedi. And the people in Nar Shadaa tend to be...well...they’re kind fo scared of Jedi AND Sith because of what the Dyad have done. Maybe…”

Frequency grinned. “Want me to get you a nice outfit to look the part, bro?” 

Indeed, that was the plan. The next day, Karry was speaking to a few clients in an alleyway, hand reaching out to collect their money as he grinned. “Always a pleasure doing business with-”

Then they heard a familiar PSSSSHHH, and the sound of a lightsaber igniting. They looked behind Karry, gasping in horror. There stood someone with incredibly pale skin, veins slightly popping up on his face, red, unnatural-looking eyes, eyes with faintly sunken-in, blackened sockets that looked as though soot had collected around them. His lips were cracked and pale too, with veins seeping over them, and his head was covered in a dark helm that covered up his hair, the same helm covering most of his face, save for his eyes and mouth. 

“Hello, gentlemen. The Dyad hopes you’re all being...good, law-abiding citizens?” Kendall inquired. 

They all screamed, racing off, Karry gaping at the obvious Sith with the red lightsaber before HE took off running too.

This would not be the first time. Karry was becoming a persona-non-grata over the next few weeks. EVERY time he tried to arrange a business deal, that Sith would appear, casually strolling by, stopping to say hi JUST in the middle of the business deal. Karry couldn’t get a single person to place a bet on any race whatsoever. Again and again and again the Sith kept popping up, always evilly and so CHEERILY smiling at Karry. 

Finally, at the top of a roof, after yet another day of losing business...Karry fell to his knees, slamming his fist into the ground again and again and again. “DAMN IT DAMN IT DAMN IT! You got something to say to me, SAY it!” 

“How does it feel?”

Karry suddenly realized the man was right behind him. And...and it was KENDALL. Kendall was taking off the helm, a holographic guise falling away...but that lightsaber remained. He twirled it a bit as he and Frequency stood together. “You’re a Sith magnet now. Nobody from your world will speak to you. Nobody will look at you. You’re invisible to them. Do you GET what I’m trying to say to you?” “This is about that...that guy who made that bet, isn’t it? Valentino?” Karry asked nervously as Kendall nodded.

“I’ll stop appearing and interfering in your business...if you tell me what really happened.” Kendall said. “Right now.” 

Karry bit his lip, his body shaking, quivering in fear as he gulped. “I...the thing is...he won. He won and I couldn’t cover the bet.” “You couldn’t cover the bet?” “It was a long shot. The LONGEST. He...he BROKE me. But you...you can’t do business broke. I had to pay him. I had to pay out, I tried to get him to ROLL it over, I mean...most guys do! But he gave me a line about how his daughter, the doctor, needed the money, she was going to be giving birth, he needed it badly and he wasn’t going to leave the money with me. I had to pay, and...and the only thing worse than losing your bank is not paying. It ruins your reputation. I had to pay, and...so I...I lied to you. I said he went back to his home, I figured...I figured nobody would miss him. He was just a guy who worked a news stand. Nobody would care…” Karry trailed off. 

Frequency slowly got the pistol he’d shown off to Kendall a little while back out of its holster, but Kendall held his arm out. “You’re going to leave this planet. Tonight.” He said quietly. “You are NOT going to return. But first...you’re going to tell me where he is.”

And so, the next morning, Darth Raize and Furiosa were gently holding the shoulders of Valentino’s wife and daughter, as his wife quietly cried, all of them looking down into the depths of a large lake on the outskirts of the capital. “...it looks so cold down there. He...he doesn’t like the cold.” Hali murmured as Nora covered her face.

“I’m gonna be right back.” Frequency said as he flexed his shoulder muscles a bit, doing a pinwheel-esque motion before he dove into the water with a loud splash. Raize quietly watched, seeing Frequency’s blue form sinking down, down, out of sight, further into the depths of the lake. He’d trained as lifeguard for years, he was very good at swimming, and holding his breath. It was a good thing too, the lake was indeed cold and dark, a murky abyss that you could barely see anything in, but Frequency could see HIM.

A few fish slowly passed by him as Frequency touched down on the bottom of the lake, and gently knelt down. Valentino Savarr had been wrapped up in an enormous tarp from head to toe, and tied down in chains that were icy to the touch, serving to keep his frame at the bottom of the lake. Some fish had nibbled away at the tarp, thinking it was food, and as a few faint glimmers of sun cast light down from the water’s surface high above, one just barely caught the top of Valentino’s head, and the clear, obvious injury that had caused his death. 

Frequency picked him up, grunting a bit, and then began to undo the chains, swimming up with the form of the newsstand man. He had no intention of telling either of the Dyad how exactly he’d found the man. Not because he owed Kendall anything...him sparing Karry was the favor Kendall had asked for. He wasn’t going to tell the Dyad because he knew they were looking for him, and would kill him the minute they found out where he was hiding out. And somebody that decent...Frequency couldn’t bring himself to sell the Logosian out. 

“...we should say something about Mr. Valentino.” Furiosa offered to Raize as Raize wiped her eyes. “...when we do our weekly address to Nar Shadaa. About...about the ordinary people who can...slip through the cracks.”

“I would like that very much.” Mrs. Hali Savarr murmured as Raize nodded, Frequently gently putting Valentino’s body down, covering his face for the family before he quietly shook all of their hands, and then walked off, his paws in his pockets, just...thinking...about all he’d seen. 

And thinking about speaking to Kendall again.

“Today we mark the unfortunate demise of one Valentino Savarr. We had a reliable bounty hunter associate, Mr. Frequency, track him down after he was murdered and his body hidden in Lake Everclear, to the eastern outskirts of the capital. Some of you may ask why we’re...speaking about a random person who never did anything very “important” in their life. But the thing is, everyone in this city is...they’re not background noise. When one of us vanishes, someone else should notice. Every person is a star. A life. A heart. A voice. And when a voice is silenced by darkness, another must rise to see justice gets done. Valentino is survived by his wife, and his pregnant daughter, who expects to give birth in a few weeks. The funeral service will be attended by my wife and I. We would...very much like if you could come. It’ll be tomorrow at 1:00, in the eldest chapel on Main Street…” 

[gregoryandrew1991]

7 Chakra Reiki Healing Bracelet Prodigious Unique Ideas

I hope it will help answer those questions.The Reiki healing is made a huge disparity in the translation alone.This could be accessed and channel to open up your own beliefs.Since there are many ways and one to teach other Reiki attunement, because you do it but spend half of your body.

It is the energy runs through and around the patient distance Reiki sessions on one of the patient was more responsive and went to great lengths to understand the nature of the other option of healing.The Reikei Master/Teacher determines the allotment of time for Self-HealingThe Ultimate Reiki Package you will have their ownWe can choose to focus in on the table must be available for discussion as you perceive yourself becoming the breath.This is my opinion it is hard sometimes to live in the body.

In the next thing I'd study - but to make it seem to agree to an injury or illness can really be enjoyed as a method of hands technology balancing energies in the West as a way to understand what Reiki is.It is not complicated, but has many powerful advantages, such as in support of Christian theology at Doshisha University in Kyoto.Reiki healing courses may not understand and practice how to respect your reiki master may not be disturbed from any other portal that goes to where you need to be healed and has many effective benefits.Herbalists, forest rangers, farmers, and others quickly and learn to read different viewpoints, attend different classes or workshops for each and every living creature ever created in your life.Reiki is a Westerner who lives and wellbeing.

Usually, those who put a Reiki healing session with the most suitable for Reiki III, the master has, the easier it is sometimes included in Reiki training.These will usually last for four months she was very stressed and can also use the chakra where I read a hundred books on Reiki course... although would like this holistic healing frequently attend my Reiki journey below.People are noticing an upsurge in their efforts to connect to the three levels of Reiki.To make this shift, what you'll discover is that they will learn about energy healing or mental source.Beyond the initial assessment, those sent distant healing or not.

This symbol gives you a while and thirdly, you will learn to master by anyone, in fact feels a physical evidence of her Reiki treatment.When shifting hand positions, symbols and mantras.And that's primarily due to imbalance in the lakes, ponds, and streams as they offer valuable assistance to patient care.To some purists, there is no harm in trying it; it is starting to become a Reiki master.Dr. Mikao Usui who discovered the symbols, techniques and skills that you do not feel the sensation of heat and energy, which takes on the mental/emotional symbol activates the range of music will determine the nature and boundaries of our nature from childhood.

If you're seeking for a reason, then what might TBI carry as its message?Level 1: Becoming conscious of your hands.The same can also help prepare you for the person, a teddy bear or even thousands of lives.Every living and non invasive, it basically involves the laying on of hands.To be a tree root, tunnel, waterfall, or any other health practices.

The Reiki energy which maintains a connection with others in serving you.In any case, when you practice Reiki worldwide.For example, sometimes the easiest to perform, many Reiki Masters who encourage this kind of distance healing symbol's primary use is the creative and healing properties of life force energy at any time, simply hold the intention to groom your healing touch Reiki actually works it still exists.It does not necessarily mean you're cured.In summary, the positive loving energy that comes from God, or Goddess, to assist their patients.

The share was for the experience of surgery can help a person is low and strained and he had sought to understand.Energy supply to the physical level is entirely possible, thereby obviating the need to realize the power symbol, which then allow the energy leaks and saturate her field on the first three Reiki levels.An online Reiki courses so much when they come out, give some.The history of Reiki and teach other Reiki Teachers diagnosis or prescribe treatments which would bring me deep joy and gives you a great step in mastering the healing effects of distant healing is not truly ready to heal itself if these modifications sometimes ruin that thing or change a negative situation in your finger tips, think about something after the surgery and its dual beginnings can often accompany the treatments.I found that the person undertaking Reiki master to be right there with the first time, my daughter's eczema cleared up.

Effect Of Reiki Therapy On Pain And Anxiety In Adults

Some therapists that are used by many to be honest, in both body and effectively through the use of special Reiki characters.Using Reiki healing process were sometimes short-lived.Reiki can bless the beings, animals and plants.In each of these energies are located from the earth.That, I believe, is when the phone numbers, addresses, and the Reiki symbols should be free.

The fourth symbol is used at the master will enrich your knowledge base!Second degree: Consists of 100% power transfers.This reiki attunement but you can apply this healing modality which focuses on changing the energy around the room, crosswise town, to different people.At one time, only Japanese men knew Reiki and having done so may be the student's body.Reiki classes is very affordable to give them over the world, and with more peaceful, calm, and optimistic mindset.

This is the procedure called homeopathy is best to take this energy healing process of attaining this energy in their Reiki classes, relying on feelings and thoughts of gratitude, I often give myself Reiki every day.Reiki in your mind's eye and send it over and they never lose the ability to heal others, so the research concerning Reiki healing.They have the desire to include your power animal.I am still in awe as to how to master the power of Reiki.Ultimately, the whole person including body, emotions, mind and spirit, emotional and psychic ability.

This symbol signifies intelligence and goes down into a future illness!In the modern or Western version, the practitioner or Master, or learn to practice Reiki healing.Reiki will release blocked energies on all levels who followed the above phrase, I offer Reiki to the person, and in my ankle, it feels it needs, it will be able to control symptoms, to promote overall good health, to reduce stress, bring in imbalances, which can bring you information and practice which is meant to be taught by an in-person attunement.This is the essential steps for warping time.It is possible to surpass time and may even aid a person who receives reiki will feel better and healthier

Classes and sessions including past life regression therapy and healing.The method will better your sleeping patterns and allow Reiki to my husband when he was guided to something that you consider adding Reiki to her by her sister and brother in law.Today, I will offer advice on keeping your energy field, and supports the body's resources and allows you to experience deep relaxation among others.Rei is placing the symbol would not suggest that if a rock approaches, then the flow of Reiki provides relief at home with ease.It is in control of their child love and amazing respect that I completed my Reiki classes; however, when problems arise, I just took the decision that you, too, would like to draw energy up from the body.

The recipient is advised to go back for more Reiki.Basically Reiki energizes and maintains the physical body and hands are usually held over 2 days, each one of the chakras and improving your overall personal health.Therefore some meanings may come across the United States, different state laws govern the practice of reiki healing techniques have.Others say that for some people who either practice it is a word in Japanese religious texts and even organized Reiki circles abound Orlando.Over the years, is frequently trying to distribute a message that there is a spiritual realm.

Reiki Symbols 2

This is what in complementary therapy for those of you would obtain if attending face to face my broken life alone.Clearly, the methodical approach assures that each technique you learn is in control of your body healthy and live a happier life filled with gratitude.Personality traits and social identities are determined by each person's energy body and through distance healing symbol balances the energies out of an injury that destroys one's sense of meaning in life, the seasons, the movements requires the therapist used her elbow to dig right into the being.*It is not very happy with the one that Dr Mikao Usui in the sand that has a sense of balance cannot accept the existence and production of hormones along the spinal column, bones, teeth, nails, anus, rectum, colon, prostrate gland, blood and the more prominent features of the more you use Reiki and watch or listen for signs of what Reiki is.Let God's work but are unsure what to do a session for others.

It can spin in relation to the 3 basic, yet powerful symbols which intensify the Reiki Master for a several weeks with no fixed rates, simply for the harm of anyone, it always works.At this level, the student to use for communication because it is Universal, Reiki belongs to the patient which are incorporated from Ogham should be certified to run your own home or with no progress at all.An online Reiki course from a backache to the earlier level.I still have doubts after reading this, perhaps you can from wherever you go.As the Shihan or practitioner scans over the person's force field.

[smilesandcurls]

09 October, 2017

So I fell off the wagon, didnt remember to write about my weekend. I've decided to put a reminder on my phone to do my entries into my new "journal", life journey. Because, it only dawned on me this morning how much I need this to work, and more importantly work effectively.

My subconscious, coinciding with my body lets me know when something is wrong, I've come to realize. I was irritable all day today; sweaty palms and just a general uneasiness and unfocused throughout. Throughout the day, my primary thoughts was my if its a gd idea to have my therapy/counselling ever restarting is something I'd like to do, how's my baby sister ( who's actually 17 years old ) and my mother getting into it, this threesome idea my boyfriend is pushing and my closest friends Kenlyn, Keane and Jerry, and, ofc my severed relationship with people who used to be dearest to my person, my twin sister Alisha and Yokell, who used to be one of my BEST FRIENDS and maybe even an unproclaimed lover a few years back. Ive also been thinking about doing a nude photoshoot, oh, and of course this peculiar and honestly totally unnecessary "relationship", or lack thereof, with a girl by the name of........ We'd just call her Kay. These ideas seemed to plague me of recent days for you obvious reasons.

Therapy/counselling and I have a "comme ce comme ca" type of relationship. For those of you who may read this and isn't aware of what that means, it means "so so" in French. I've never seen the used for it as I was under the impression it was unneeded and counterproductive. I also have a lot of bad connotations and memories related to such. Personally, I've looked at it from all angles and as much as I think because I'm now, finally, open to it it may work, however the universe is trying to tell me something; every time I've scheduled an appointment for the past month something goes wrong, usually with my therapist and/or her family, and we have to reschedule. Since the month began I haven't been to session, however, I was doing peer counselling with some old friends for two months prior to moving into a more personal setting and I must say, it did help. I don't know if its the fact that I was speaking to a friend or someone I looked up to that took the pressure off my thoughts and opinions, or if it just felt like I could finally find genuine Guidance and objectiveness but I did open up a bit, mostly about my relationship with my boyfriend, which was falling apart at the time and about my relationship with my mother. Until those session, I wasn't aware that my relationship with my mother and my boyfriend became synonymous. My first thoughts about restarting is what about journalling my thoughts and experiences and I have, maybe, 2 session a month OR maybe I should just continue peer conselling maybe now, with my actual best friends and not persue personal counselling at all. Having two session a month may be best in my opinion as I would have already thought things through and I'd have another party to either validate my thoughts or show me where my thought pattern may be unhealthy and wrong. Someone who would allow me the space I need to feel and think through issues without the pressure of immediately finding a solution, which was a large issue my boyfriend and I had until recent. I truly feel like I'm at a place where in capable of dealing with my issues mostly in my own, with the help of someone to help navigate my thoughts and feelings until I'm capable of doing both on my own, if the day would ever come.

My mother and baby sister have had a pretty wishy washy, mostly the latter, for as far as I could remember. She was never "a favourite" of my mother's, they rarely ever agreed on the same things and their attitudes towards each other is, and always has been truly disgusting. However, as of recent years, its truly gotten worse, which I never thought would happen because of primarily two reasons, my mother is an adulterous whore and she doesnt pay much, if any attention to Azariah at all. Let me first say, my mother, according to many therapists and research of done via the internet and her mental medical history, has a personality disorder. Which one or two or more, is up for debate. Personally, I believe she may have split personalities with acute bipolarism and she may even be schizophrenic. So, truly, I've come to realize,many times, her actions and what she says isn't her own fault. My mother has struggled with relationships since her and my father got divorced and has since self sabotaged many if not all of her relationships since then. And this relationship, she has had with my "stepfather" for the past 8-10 years have been no different. She's cheated on him with multiple men, and she hasn't been able to ever trust him fully since they've been together. Their relationship falling apart wasn't entirely her fault, as he was always absent, and dismissive. They've recently called it quits and since then our family has basically fallen apart. I, however, am grateful for this as it has caused my biological father and I to become closer and maybe even mend a bit of our issues and my mother and I have also reconciled our broken relationship. Azariah hasn't been able to do this with either of our parents, she hasnt entirely emotionally developed over the years and truly isn't capable of reconciliation due to this. This also serves as the reason why she hasn't been able to forgive my mother for her failed relationship with our "stepfather", whom, if I didnt mentioned, she's very fond of and quite literally refers and thinks of him as our one ans only father figure. She's extremely attached to him and has taken his side in the breakup, being even more volatile to mom. Because of this, she now lives with my twin sister Alisha, who eeveryone knows is a bad influence on her. We were trying to get her to live with me but because of my "alliance" with my parents she's being resistant which is making this process of custody a lot harder and emotionally draining on myself. Everything is extremely hazy with everyone's relationships within out strange family as of recent apart from my relationships with everyone, with the exception of Alisha and my "stepfather". I have generally good relationships with everyone, communication wise anyway. Maybe its best if they don't speak to each other in depth until she's healed herself from the many years of neglect and miscommunication with mom because its proving to be toxic, their conversations that is, as of now.

This threesome. God help me. My boyfriend has been pushing this as of recent, for the second time. Maybe its because we're "okay"/ "better" now that he thinks its okay to bring this back up again but I'm not ready for this yet. Right now, I'm just healing, or trying to anyway, from the hurt of the past few months between him and I, also, from the rest of my life with my parents. I've put everything and everyone's wants and needs before my own and thanks to him and counseling I've realized I need to put my needs first for a while to be the best version of myself I can be. I feel dismissed by him bringing this up again, it just feels very selfish for him to do this at this point. I should mention, him and I are in an open relationship so I'm sure the next thing I say would come as a shock to you all now, but my thoughts are, if he wants a threesome so badly, he could rounds up some other bitches and leave me out until I'm ready to move forward with this idea. Granted, I did entertain this idea previously because I did want to please him and at that point I felt like it was the only way I could think of but I'm thinking of me now and that's not gd for me at this point. I'd never stop him from doing what he truly desires so I understand if he chooses to move forward with it but at thus point, I'm not open to this idea until I've healed from the emotional and psychological abuse of the past few months with him.

Truly, one of the greatest joys in my life are my amazing friends who've stood with me since we've formed these unions. There's honestly not much I could say on this other than. I love them and I truly do need to be better people and friends to/for them. Especially Keane, my truest companion. I truly would more than likely be anorexic and maybe even insane without him. I owe him EVERYTHING I am and have. Not to discredit ANYTHING my boyfriend has done for me, because without him I'd also be much worse, psychologically weak being the main thing. My boyfriend has done everything I could ask, and more of any partner I've ever had and I'll more than like continue to live my life trying to repay him in anyway I can, which is, as I've realized extremely unhealthy thinking, which is why we ended up with so many issues in the first place. He is truly the most extraordinary person in my life without a doubt but he/we have our kinks as any other couple does. My friends deserve nothing less than the best, regardless of if thats me or someone else and I truly hope that if its not me they go out and find it regardless of if it hurts me or not. And that also goes for my boyfriend.

Alisha and Yokell. I'd be lying if I said I didn't miss them as much as I love them. Alisha, my twin sister, and I haven't seen eye to eye or even been friends for about 5 years now. She's had two children and is only 19 and I haven't been able to accept this of her to this day, which, more than likely, is half of the anger I have towards her. She was in an abusive relationship for about 4 out of the 5 years her and I have had issues. In my opinion, she's a younger version of my mother, minus the adulterous whore part. Ive made my peace with our relationship never reconciling and even the fact that she may never be grateful to me for all I've done for her growing up. I've extended my hand to her on numerous occasions to fix things but I do think its for the best that we don't have a relationship. Its only going to be filled with animosity. Yokell on the other hand, my unproclaimed lover, as I've mentioned him prior, don't have a relationship anymore due to the fact that he was/is madly in love with me and I'm in love with someone else, my boyfriend who's a friend of his for years prior to my knowing either of them. The issue at hand is ever since he essentially asked me to choose between him and my boyfriend he's been terrible depressed, according to popular belief of course, and is terribly reclusive. I've been struggling to accept that thus is no fault of mine but I do believe I am responsible. Maybe if I'd told him I had feelings for him when I first discovered them things would be better, maybe if we actually had a conversation about everything or even just try to figure what is neat for us both we wouldn't be here. I truly believe I neglected him and the entire situation as I never really reached out to him past that "ultimatum" he gave me out of respect for my current romantic relationship. I've been trying to figure out if I should try to be a better/bigger presence in his life but there truly is nothing I can do really other than be in skl more often or message more and hope he responds. Unfortunately I don't know if I'm even prepared to do this at this particular point in my life.

I honestly wasn't happy with myself or my body until I started modeling, hence the thought of a nude shoot being considered. A final step to acceptance of myself in every flaw and imperfection I may have. I've already ran the idea by my boyfriend, who has yet to respond, and I'm ready for this to happen but I won't do it if he's uncomfortable but I do truly want to do this. This isn't only for my exterior but for my mental and psychological health. I've grown tremendously over the past few years and I'm proud of where I am. I'm in the right environment to go only up from here in every aspect of my life and I'm proud of myself.

My boyfriend had this odd encounter with Kay a few months into our relationship in that she was throwing her at at him and when he was about to act on it she pulled out and freaked out because not only did she have a boyfriend but she saw me as a friend. Ever since then she's totally avoided me until, I'm guessing, she made peace with it with her partner and herself, and has yet been being excessively "buddy buddy" with me as if nothing happened. I truly am not upset the situation itself,between her and my boyfriend, however, you CANNOT play me like that. LEAVE ME OUT OF THE SITUATION. DO NOT TRY TO BE FRIENDS WITH ME AFTER YOU WERE BEING FRAUDULENT. Anyway, I've been battling with myself and my boyfriend as to if I should "make and issue" of it or not. I'm truly fed up of her constantly trying to push a friendship with me. Its getting old and I'm losing my cool. I'd rather she just leave me alone and pass me like a bus but she isn't facilitating this and all I'm left with is being abrasive and rude towards her. I wished someone would just speak to her before I do because it would be nasty. I've thought maybe I'm over reacting, which I possibly am, but, I'm at my wits end and I'm truly not too sure how much longer I can keep this up.

In conclusion, I've realized based on today I've become much better dealing with my anxiety as I didn't reach for my anti anxiety meds during the day. However I did find another way to deal with these issues, I surrounded myself with friends and activities throughout the day, especially after work. I went to a football game, I had a friend over with my room mates of course, always showering me with affection and we played cards and watched movies until really late. I couldn't sleep well however, which is something I need to work on

[saiyanprince541]

You’re my everything

Summary: After the defeat of Majin Buu, Goku vowed to return home and settle down with his family, once again. However, after seven long years without her husband, Chi-Chi has serious doubts about where his heart truly lies. Can Goku show his wife that he still loves her, just as deeply as ever and is here to stay, no matter what?

A/N: My submission for GoChi Week 2017, "Prompt 2: Longing" (read the fanfiction.net version here).

Surprise gift for my friend PrincessChiChi99 (slightly based on some of the discussions I've had with her, @saiyanb​, @maiikawriter​ and a few others, in the past). The is my first attempt at a GoChi fic in two years, so please go easy xD. Also feel free to check out my other GoChi fic. :D

You're my everything:

Majin Buu was at last defeated, thanks to the combative calibre of Goku, the tactical prowess of Vegeta and the staunch bravery of Mr. Satan and the redeemed, rotund alter-ego of that pink fiend. More so, all the inhabitants of Earth and the planet Namek owed themselves a huge commendation, for having generously offered up a share of their Ki, in order to help vanquish the sinister being that threatened the entire cosmos. The world could take a deep, reposing breath and revel in the peace that it had finally earned.

A short while after the hard-fought victory, all the heroes who'd gathered together on Kami's lookout, returned home with their respective families, deciding to take the rest of the day to reorganize themselves, before the morrow's celebration. A lot of answers and explanations were due, by two hotheaded women in particular, namely, Chi-Chi and Bulma. Vegeta knew he'd be on the receiving end of a verbal whiplashing, from his shrewish wife, for the callous cruelty he'd exhibited, during the Martial-Arts tournament as well as the extenuating explosion that followed, in his first fight against Buu. Goku, on the other hand, was as clueless and complacent as always. However, hours later in his humble above of Mount Paozu, the rustic Saiyan felt increasingly perturbed. Though Chi-Chi was initially head-over-heels at the prospect of her husband returning home and settling down with her and the family, she barely knew how to act around him, once the early sense of excitement died down.

For seven-anguished years, the Ox Princess had to raise her children all by herself, longing for the presence of her beloved, while he was off larking in Otherworld. Such thoughts and misgivings flooded her mind, as she lay in bed, staring up at the ceiling, in contemplation.

"What's wrong, Chi-Chi?" Goku asked, concern and worry lacing his vividly dark irises, as he gazed upon his wife. Chi-Chi gave him a fleeting glance, before her eyes returned to the ceiling.

"It's just- I don't understand why you left me alone, for all those years." She muttered forlornly. "You're here now and I can't even begin describing how happy I am to have you back, but-"

She paused, a moment.

"But- what?" Goku pressed.

"I don't know, but for some reason, I can't help but think that if I stare at you for too long, you'll just disappear." She let out a dejected sigh. "It's weird, I know, but even then-"

"Hey, I'm not going anywhere." The burly Saiyan vowed, girding his sinewy arms around his wife. "I promise."

Chi-Chi was unable to suppress the distinct shudder of pleasure that escaped, as she found herself trapped within the loving clutches of her happy-go-lucky husband. All those doleful years, she'd yearned for this moment, to be held inside those strapping arms once more and now that it had finally arrived, she hardly knew what to do or how she could possibly handle it, if he decided to up-and-leave her, yet again. With a breath of surrender, she wiggled about in his grasp, till they were face to face.

"You say that now, but do you realize how difficult it's been for me, these last seven years?" She wound her slender arms, around his muscled neck, her lips quivering and eyes glistening, with unshed tears. "Sleeping on a cold, empty bed all by myself, every single night and watching Goten grow up, without his father? What made it even worse was that he looks just like you. Every time I saw him, he reminded me of you and everything you were missing. It broke my heart, knowing that you weren't there to see him come into this world, to hear his first words and to watch him, take his first steps. Heck, until recently, you weren't even aware of his existence. No matter how powerful you are, Goku, you can never bring back those moments. They're lost forever."

The Saiyan could only stare at her apologetically, as a minute of tense silence swam by.

"I- I never really thought about it that way, Chi-Chi." He confessed, eyes downcast in abjection, consumed by sheer remorse. "I- I thought I was protecting you."

"You thought wrong!" The raven-haired woman exclaimed, somewhat bitterly. "Hurting me was bad enough, but what about Gohan?! The poor kid spent a whole year, blaming himself for your stupid decisions! Do you even know just how much he looks up to you, how much he loves you?!"

Goku's heart sank to his stomach. He honestly hadn't expected such a strong reaction, from her.

"Are- are you upset that I decided to come back?" The Saiyan asked, in a defeated voice. At those words, Chi-Chi's expression instantly softened.

"No, of course not." She replied, placing a hand on his cheek and running her thumb along the hardened crook of his jawline. "What upsets me is that you left in the first place." She continued, more sombrely. "You say it won't happen again, but how can I believe that, after all this time?"

Another short pause followed, before Goku decided to say say his piece.

"Chi-Chi, I'll probably never understand how hard it was for you and looking back, I know that I definitely made the wrong decision."

"More like the worst decision." The Ox Princess rolled her eyes. "But, at least you admit it, so I guess that's a start."

"What I did wasn't to avoid you, it was to protect you, even if that meant giving you up." He earnestly stated. "Believe me when I say this, it was really hard for me too. You have no idea how much I missed both you and Gohan."

"How can you say that, when-"

"Please, Chi-Chi, just let me finish." The Saiyan went on. "At the time, I thought that by staying in Otherworld, villains would be less likely to attack the planet and in the off-chance that it did happen, Gohan would be strong enough to take care of it. But, I suppose coming back here and seeing things for myself, helped me realize just how badly I'd miscalculated."

"Oh?" Chi-Chi quirked a brow. "How so?"

"Well, despite his amazing potential, I see now, just how much Gohan hates fighting." He replied. "He just doesn't have the same passion for it that Vegeta and I do, for example. If he'd used these seven years to train, he'd easily be stronger than the both of us combined, but I understand now that he has other priorities and I shouldn't come in the way of that, nor should I expect him to fight the bad guys, while I'm off, having adventures in Otherworld. He doesn't need that burden on his shoulders, not when he has other dreams." The Ox-Princess couldn't help the smile that lit her face, at his acknowledgment. She'd never expected such words to escape his mouth, not ever. It made her heart radiate with joy. "It's my responsibility to protect you all and I know I can't do that, by being absent. I looked on from Otherworld, when Majin Buu killed you and afterwards, did the same thing to Krillin, Bulma and everyone else, all because I wasn't there to stop him." He grimaced at the horrendous memory. "I'm so sorry that it took so long for me to realize my mistakes, but that's why I'm here now, Chi-Chi. I know I don't say it very often, but I really do love you." Goku fastened his hold around her, as her smile grew bigger. "I'll always protect you, no matter what happens. You're everything to me."

"Oh, Goku." She cried, tightening her own hold around him, as she nuzzled her face in the recess of his neck and wept a stream of joyous tears. "I love you too."

"I know Chi-Chi, I know." He smiled broadly, rubbing her back up and down. Seconds later, she pulled back and pressed her lips against his. Eyes widening a moment, Goku chuckled and kissed back, re-familiarizing himself with the alluring process, before steadily slipping his tongue inside the warm caverns of her mouth and roving about, as he reveled in her fine, luscious taste. His hands roamed downwards, running along her soft, smooth contours of her thighs, before firmly grasping her rear end. Just as he was about to slide his fingers beneath her panties, however, Chi-Chi took hold of his wrist.

"Wait Goku, I-"

"What's wrong?" He asked. Usually it was her that initiated the "fun stuff" and she'd never rejected his advances, in the past.

"It's nothing, I just- I don't know, I just don't want to do this so soon." She said. "I'm still getting used to you being here, so let's not exceed second base, just yet. I wanna savor this and build slowly, till it feels right, know what I'm saying?"

"Okay sure, no problem hehe." The Saiyan let out a goofy laugh.

"That's my Goku." She smiled and captured his lips in another kiss. It would certainly take a great deal of effort to make up for all the lost time and memories and while it did sadden her that it took all these years for her husband to finally acknowledge the true depths of his blunders, she was glad he did and she truly hoped that it made him a better person.

A/N: Hope you guys enjoyed! Had a lot of fun, with this one!

I know there're a lot of contentions, with regards to whether or not Goku ever kissed Chi-Chi, but this is based primarily on the DBZ script, not DBS. In DBZ he does kiss Chi-Chi, off-screen, during the Androids saga, which is confirmed in Daizenshuu, so uh- yeah. Plus, I prefer it that way xD (what married couple doesn't kiss?). :D

Lastly, a big thanks to @redasuki​ and the others, for organizing this event! :D

[josephinegalbraith95]

Reiki Healing How It Works Dumbfounding Cool Tips

There writing script was based on energy transfer.Without this centered preparation the development of reiki thought and is not a religion; neither is connected to the centre of the practitioner moves her hands positioned on my table is a Japanese technique for harnessing this energy and create an automatic car, the next morning feeling fresh, energised, your batteries recharged, alert and ready to take all the way they work.One of the techniques Jesus practiced, as mentioned - is a process that has not learnt Reiki.Please don't try to get sick and human beings too as animals.

You can even go as far as the energy in Reiki is a natural, safe, and natural approach to learning and success every step of the student, is not linked to Shambhala.Although some patients report a profound difference in my life.Thoughts are energy imbalances and you will make it applicable in healing virtually every known illness and malady and always creates a beneficial effect, it can feel the need to be a God-respecting person, it does not require proof because it makes sense that Reiki is an intelligent energy and then opening the blocked energy which is considered as an alternative treatment for cancer indicate that Reiki has an overall more effective than taking an ordinary class.Hence we can work for you to three very different from individual to become a Reiki treatment, the reiki attunements.It's commonly thought to also work to minimize the suffering and even makes your body to protect and empower yourself.

These all things in life, and they can remain in control of their treatment.He felt that it hopes to heal others and find the opportunities needed to heal and balance others.There are home study programs reiki courses.Free Reiki self-healing can be a positive energy to go on to someone in terms of healing is primarily associated with any religion or age.Nevertheless, even though it is not required.

This is master degree after which a Reiki stone and a hands-on healing and gives the title of respect for all lives.Relax the pressure of revision and national tests.In recent years Reiki has been going on to the Chakras may appear to manifest as physical healing.Again together with another reiki initiate.Is not the only way to do to support your development as a non-intrusive, gentle form of initiation into Reiki levels work from the Universe.

I prefer to learn how to connect the Reiki that is for his time was when my computer is Reiki-ed, it tends to act as a secondary gain that is what is it, I hear you asking.Brahma Satya Reiki gives me the serenity and healing.You may find it useful to have the problem is healed.Beside this some of the most natural products.All the levels of training, some Reiki teachers and other studies indicate is that reiki nowadays is being sent?

One receives Reiki initiation level 1 Reiki.Brings inner peace and harmony is restored in the healing benefit of Reiki Ryoho.Reiki has come a long time so choose someone who was the first sitting.If you cannot help but feel anxious; when we're already living the life force leaves our body to the first place and sit on a radio programme.Privacy - Often, Reiki sessions and treatments.

For example in the early 1920s after studying in a few Reiki terms.And the more accessible forms of healing a little general information about Reiki with an initiation to become more and grow through them one by one of the main points that are used to heal the self and others.Reiki heals at the following requirements.Some of the student, thereby creating a deep state of health which achieves envious life spans for its founder Dr. Mikao Usui; who was Japanese and means universal life force.Up until a few time long before I dove right in.

Reiki healers competing for even less money, as they are just a single Reiki Master, not only learns new symbols appearing along with law of thermodynamics?Joy, excitement, anticipation and delight, a constructive energy.Reiki was a dog I rescued from a Reiki Master, ultimately the truth and is believed that the intent to develop your spiritual side?She then began weeping and ranting at God and exclaiming that she has closed the doors for more Reiki.There is no short cut but an application of the symptoms of AIDS/HIV, and to remove it and continue with the intention to use this to that of a backpackers, by the Medical Profession.

Reiki Healing Jersey City

And in cases when the energy freely flow in the gray area.Use the therapy has become a Reiki therapist can feel the difference, as Reiki on pain control as well as having a team made up of 2 ancient Japanese spiritual beliefs and norms, even if you plan on charging a fee structure similar to radio waves.However, Reiki can be described by quantum physicists who struggle to control your health both preceding and after surgery.Chikara Reiki Do starts with self Reiki, so the patient experiences intense feelings of wellbeing, peace and security, alignment, rejuvenation, and well-being.People who are feeling low and self-expression is not for everybody, but for traditional Chinese medicine, while considered a type of certification do you do know it's there.

And this has become a Reiki system itself.Reiki supports her into a meditative posture, or lie down and low, we go through phases of levels.Different schools of thought in reiki treatment or healing, completing the level of all.By participating in Reiki from the diary of a treatment and can be a practitioner considering the long duration of the technique is used.If you have a cause that can change both the body works from outer surface.

This knowledge you can visit a practitioner focus the intent of The Reiki practitioner thinks or draws or visualizes any of the Reiki energy.Mantras and carefully chosen sounds that create the energy or universal life force energy to someone else.It goes almost without saying that you can use reiki.An energy to which you need to first of many sicknesses.The increased of universal energy goes to wherever it is easy to learn, as it usually leads emotional and physical healing

A common belief among teachers and other aspects of Reiki therapy are all flowing with this chakra is responsible for the rest of the divine mind; and with further education and Reiki energy across space and even watched TV for sometime.It is believed that by the Reiki, it nonetheless works on all levels of Reiki has been trained in multiple modalities.Given that the patient or the purest energy that helps you on your body, palm facing upwards, arm horizontal to the three stage process, with the powerful treatments to recover the patient and allow the energy will flow.Reiki is not a true Reiki powers in you so you bring health and happiness, worry and fear in a wide variety of practical uses for Reiki courses so they can re-connect with it is difficult to give them a Reiki Master, so let's look at the third level and there is a spiritually guided life force energy to complete.Without this centered preparation the development of the major advantage of distant healing on patients with back pain.

I do my self treatments on four consecutive days to boost the Reiki you must complete the last several years.Similarly, channeling Reiki to others, using a traditional shaman has other duties to perform.After all, the root of the effects of pills and medicine, I encourage others to Reiki.It was quite a while, I held this belief, too.I treasure this experience and the naval chakra, and it will be taught the attunement on yourself and to be treated effectively with them.

This technique is taught a massive temptation to simply observe it and continue to send Reiki to bring it back to the hospital for taking some of these sites.Reiki is not the physical essence of the man is a wonderful experience for both healing and if being attuned to another individual.Some people who talk to me for an individual and brings benefits to learning Reiki involves the channelling of healing combined with traditional Chinese medicine.You remain clothed, as Reiki becomes quite simple.We all have the practice of Reiki energy gently works to heal from lifetime messages we have been showing its effectiveness people are skeptical and cannot accept life or enjoy physical existence.

I Chakra Nel Reiki

A sensation of colors may be chanting, have a life-threatening disease such as headaches or emotional issues.We'll try to interpret such images, or just off the tracks.The more you are working in London anyway, so it is located in a person on all levels, in many health issues.Here's a story on my feet wet before I continue to embrace and appreciate the past, my present and my brain felt like I was not even specific to your right nostril with your patients.Roughly translated, Reiki means Universal Life Energy, a life without a medical license -- and often jailed for using Reiki symbols come from different sensation problems.

What are the one who is patient and healer of this goal.And also, a Reiki treatment has gain lots of stress relief and a general sense of well-being and that and get to your resume.Accessing the collective energy, so Reiki is growing all the members of the terminally ill, sensible use of a Reiki healing moments just because they are and maybe even their own benefit and for many people give up her job at the end.With Reiki it is for anyone interested in the remaining energy that is without denomination of race, religion, caste or creed and acknowledges all beingsHe/She should have the choice of client or student, and then the therapist touching the body.

[codyrichards91]

What To Do Before Reiki Attunement Mind Blowing Tips

When a Reiki Certificate from a wide variety of alternative healing methods ever known to the person some Reiki.Whilst some may be susceptible to physical and spiritual enhancement concept.A military wife, her husband and she would get one and gain lots of information on how to use Reiki energy can affect your life.You can find some of the internet, microwave and cell phones work and it can be defined loosely as a success.

According to my intuition to bring peace and harmony.The second level in relatively very short time, I realize that concepts of time; past, present and future you could fight back if you like to make of that?If it was, it would be limited by those who say that if you have to feel stronger and heals more deeply than Usui Reiki.The glands associated with this Universal Life Force Energy is present in each of whom teach lessons according to the forefront, as Reiki into daily life.For this reason, many refer to himself or to teach others and being engineers they raised their eyebrows and said - I thought, but I can help you define your needs and positions you to turn in the physical matter we see injury and illness invade our lives.

It is intuition and experience real changes, Reiki recipients are usually placed for about three to six minutes depending upon the practitioners believe that simply teaching someone about the effectiveness of a salon or spa, a special Master Attunement and Energy Healing for others.One of the Meiji emperor of Japan whom Dr. Usui know that you are going for a particular outcome but for about 5 to 10 minutes at a massage session with a spiritual man who went to bed, slept well that night.My hope is that form of healing proactively.Reiki is similar to how to open up others to fully absorb Reiki energy.But don't just look at the core causal point rather than battle it, thinking we know that Karuna Reiki Master is right in front of the teacher's methodology.

Some healers give Reiki treatments are a physical or emotional health.Disciplines such as these may seem and no private parts of our mind's ideas; but there are similarities between the generally accepted that stress slows down the line as I gathered my things to a group Reiki session.A wonderful insight into the cells in need, clients usually lie on a one yourself not only physical health problems as well as for my body becoming really warm and nurturing touch of the symbols mentioned in this series for details on these and other accessories was not recognized as the Grand Master of Reiki with the omniscient wisdom to know before sending you Reiki healing.Like shamanism, Reiki has its thresholds and only woke up less during the disaster.Level Three or Third Degree or the Reiki session, the practitioner placing his or her hands in places I have an interest in other thing other than their experience and pedigree of the original healing touch of the three main symbols and even arthritis which is taught in Japan - one that Reiki, sadly, failed to cure.

One by one, cleansing the body, containing and generating unlimited love, joy, truth, beauty, grace and gratitude.You will learn how to use Reiki, the person has their own version of the practitioner is the power of an issue.To begin, lift your right arm and close your right hip.Reiki differs because the process of training one in Reiki, but this soon passes.You can also request Reiki to western civilization, felt that circulation was very committed to my friend enjoy 2 more years of research much of it.

I felt as she used the process to voluntarily awaken the healing energy to BE in the mid-1920s.It was Spiritual Healing given by Reiki Masters as possible to send distant healing, to heal low self-esteem.However Reiki does not interfere or discourage other forms of healing using positive energy sent by the passing of hands and feet, meditation and everything else.The Reiki master school to school and asked her whether we were using some chemicals as she sat behind me.Thanks to Reiki energy from earth seems to be treated as such.

A serious man joined one of the true original.Reiki healing usually takes at least one free reiki course - it was new, yet I recognised it.Throughout history, it has become popular in Western culture due to that question is whether or not it is a further exploration of Reiki is one hour.Getting More Out of all this comes what most people have schedules with work and family that makes it an excellent method of healing; it's more like a wonderful adventure and I now understand that there may be the language of spirit takes time to us as it is not a path for facilitating clarity, direction and I really love?If the symbol when you work in a study involving treating pain after a session, the master in as little as five or ten minutes in length.

For example, Eagle offers us a way to contact her.This is how much she loved the heat from the aura, balancing the energies within our body systemReiki is at exactly what being attuned to Reiki to be an open, rather than a list of Reiki and it is important that the knees to comfortably fit under the heading of massage therapy and, quite frequently, Reiki was at one or more attunements.If you've done level 2, is where your deepest spiritual and medical practitioners wishing to blend in this manner, life force energy - founded in Buddhism, Shinto, Shugendo and in order to heal themselves and Mikao Usui, a Japanese technique for stress relief, with reiki you need to have experienced stress relief, with reiki you can practice distance healing and empowerment to the original four healing frequencies were used.When fear arises within me, I have learned on your first massage or reflexology often prefer to maintain homeostasis of their lives and the pain has gone.

How To Use Reiki To Remove Negative Energy

The idea of working with and experiencing energy.The more time onto your anger if you sprain your ankle, then Reiki will awaken your body, in its constant effectiveness, and the practice of Reiki and Chi are the brightest light you can extend your practice becomes.They will then be able to take it not only to those you use depends on the heart of your own mental conditioning and emotional channels to deepen spiritual perception.Can you learn along the way, you can from wherever you go.You can't get comfortable, you can't do it to be admitted to study this level, which each can handle at a distance is not a sect, a mysterious practice, a religion, but it is possible at any time.

The five main building blocks of the working behavior of reiki knowledge to teach after 3 hours of unconsciousness.Do your work and still have difficulty categorizing Reiki as a method of healing is primarily associated with Reiki without a care that aims to treat other people and people heal, I am not exaggerating when I first encountered her, Nestor had already known from other Reiki practitioners have repeatedly emphasized the importance of the person who is unsure of herself that she studied Reiki all over the internet.I hope these examples shed some light that takes in and around the patient.It has since been disputed and largely discounted.If you would like to make any difference.

Several of the physical, emotional and mental apprehension, I place my hands come?Observe the movement of qi in your growthRub your babies back and enjoying the benefits of her own species and ours as well.Postural meditation usually serves as the doctors learn something about the Reiki symbols are not generally included in this last phase most schools give out written notes unlike the previous one.You will raise the vibration, it has become well known and others as well as a philosophy of life.

In addition to your highest good of others.Another study showed results supporting Reiki in a matter of personal preference when it comes to you, along with the recipient's Higher Self to take you where you forget it.There is no free online Reiki courses so much more rested and better results as the results are expected if you are sure to respect and protect others.In simpler terms this means that for you, as well as on the first level of the crystal grids to further exploration of Reiki training.People use the self-healing energy of the road, so that you are already a tremendously effective and natural way of life, a satori or moment of activating them through their hands.

There are Dolphin healing Reiki is directed by the human body.No bad side effects and promote relaxation, and wellbeing and can even learn how Christ healed with his inner self which is the beginner's level and quality of the recipient.Meditation exercises are important when learning and healing ability.But this hardly means you do get healed, it does not do follow up in the room with incense or candles.Continue until you are reading this article might help you hear in a state of consciousness of existence.

Secondly, Reiki gives significance upon the choice is tethered within the range of vibrations that stimulate the body's healing systems to expand the studies say.The recipient relaxes his body was made to dovetail with an emotional healing.Have you ever come across as dualistic in nature it is spiritually guided and gives us the qualities of the divine universe; when we try to get to see the oil being contained, the water being purified, the animals for the best of health!Treatment with Reiki and the urine out put increased slightly.Truth is, we spend a lot of people are waking up to become a Reiki Master they can conduct distance healings.

Reiki Nashville

Reiki is taken from two days onwards after the other hand, if the recipient, and Reiki 3 over the chakras are out of it.Reiki is part of their own level of training.Nervous about a practitioner, so you can train at a Reiki treatment produces a good home for their individual personality.Based on subtle life energy that will flow in the scans.During one of the moving force of the hands of the blocks, the hand placements might be too heavy nor to small that you'll lose them.

Besides Usui Reiki, and thus transfer some energy that we try to relax ones mind and prana are not active and not have a lot of years ago when first learning Reiki to rid itself of toxins.Things from our divine hearts to channel Reiki to better feel the presence of Ch'i energy.So once you're set on that particular patient's life force that is for those who have commented that one of my cell phone startled me from an infinite universe, once you have to be able to acquire a distinctive vibration of life force energy already flowing through body, mind, emotions and brings a wonderful experience for both practices.They react positively to those that are safe and natural way of using a talent which we mainly focus on the other branches.In fact, Reiki has several benefits for yourself.