#presque vu by bizzarestars

[labyrinthhofmymind]

all you losers who haven’t read presque vu by bizarrestars are really missing out… like imagine not reading this masterpiece of a fic? LAME

JUST KIDDING IM ACTUALLY ON MY HANDS AND KNEES BEGGING AND PLEADING EVERYONE TO READ THIS BOOK ITS MY ROMAN EMPIRE I CANT READ ANY MARAUDERS FIC WITHOUT THINKING ABOUT IT ITLL CHANGE YOUR PERSPECTIVE ON CANON ITS SO PERFECT AND AMAZING GAH PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE READ IT YOURE NOT A LOSER YOU JUST HAVENT BEEN EXPOSED TO THE BEAUTY THAT IS PRESQUE VU

[evadwrites]

i have some thoughts on zar’s exit from the fandom & their decision to delete their fics and how the fandom is reacting to that. and the fandom is reacting horribly.

and the irony of it all! because, arguably, crimson rivers is what zar is most known for. crimson rivers, set in the hunger games universe, created by suzanne collins to criticize capitalism, the entertainment industry, and consumerism patterns of offered media and how it varies based on a social class. and zar’s work added so much nuance to what suzanne collins had written. zar had done an excellent job writing james, sirius, and regulus as victors and exploring their respective traumas when it comes to being in the public eye.

regulus (and james, too) constantly felt like he had no autonomy and no choice because he was thrust into the public light and pressured into doing exactly what was expected of him. and sirius? oh, sirius. sirius won his games and was made into this galaxy-sized celebrity by the hallows, expected to conform to every assumption made about him, to follow all the rules his new role as a mentor & a victor burdened him with. but most importantly—the hallows viewed sirius as nothing more than what he could offer to them. they looked at him and did not see the person.

zar wrote that, and tens-hundreds of thousands people read it and completely misunderstood. because zar wrote 865k words exploring how traumatizing it is to be made into an Image, to be stripped away of your autonomy for the sake of entertaining others. zar wrote that, only for the marauders fandom to do the exact same thing to them that the hallows did to sirius, to regulus, to james; to victors.

and that. that is fucking infuriating.

because, yes, zar is a brilliant writer, but first and foremost, zar is a person. and the way a large part of the fandom has been treating them is completely dehumanizing.

STOP saying “i respect/support zar’s decision but [insert a paragraph about how devastated you are and how you cannot stop crying]”.

STOP sharing the pdfs/epubs of his fics on literally all social media platforms when it’s the one thing zar explicitly asked people to not do.

STOP feeling entitled to the creative work that does not the fuck belong to you. STOP thinking that you have any right to demand anything from zar. STOP hiding emotional manipulation in-between words of illusory support and respect.

and to quote zar: for fuck’s sake, STOP calling them zeppazariel.

zeppazariel is a brilliant writer who was elevated within the fandom to a height so big that it hurts when you fall and crash, and the fandom pushed zar down. the marauders fandom made zar into a full-blown celebrity, but

zar is a person.

REMEMBER THAT.

[ravenoclock]

currently reading: presque vu by bizarrestars

ripping my hair out rn. i absolutely adore their writing.

[chilloutdog]

anyways. presque vu by bizzarrestars is a literal work of art. i think we must acknowledge it. we must embrace this. if i could read one (1) marauders fic for the rest of my life that would probably be the one. it’s not even finished but i know it’s one of the best i’ve ever read. yeah. that was all thank u.

[pqdfootsmoon]

so im reading presque vu by bizzarestars for the first time and naturally, since its a canon complaint fic, james and lily die, and i literally cannot breathe.... like my chest hurts, i can not see through tears, there are so many used tissues close to me... i cannot breate

zar literally said in the notes in the begining of the chapter that this was the most harrowing thing he's written, and seeing that after i fully sobbed my eyes out to crimson rivers like a fucking baby, i was like, there's no way it can be worse....

it was worse, like so much worse omg

[reggie-gremlin]

i'm unwell

[myundoesntknow]

it’s christmas but it’s also presque vu wolfstar remembering hours.

that’s all thank you!

[gaystheysanddinos]

presque vu halloween update be like

goodbye. It's starting to happen.

(the angst of marauders october)

[labyrinthhofmymind]

may or may not have just read some of my annotations from presque vu and started crying…

yeah that fic. THAT FIC.

[labyrinthhofmymind]

another day where i fall victim to reading an extremely detailed and beautifully sad canon compliant marauders fic, only to be surprised when i reach the end and begin to question my existence because i’m so fucking heartbroken

[labyrinthhofmymind]

CHAPTER 28 OF PRESQUE VU!!!!!! WOLFSTAR ARE WOLFSTARRINGGGG!!!!! I WILL CONTINUE TO TALK ABOUT THIS FIC BECAUSE IT IS SO PERFECT AND BEAUTIFUL AND UTTERLY HEARTBREAKING AND I LOVE IT SM!!!!!!

[labyrinthhofmymind]

just finished chapter 26 of presque vu and I AM UNWELL. THE BEGINNING OF THE CHAPTER???????? THE HOPE AND HAPPINESS AND JUST MERE BELIEF THAT WOLFSTAR HAVE A FUTURE TOGETHER AFTER THE WAR I-

bizzarstars better count their days BECAUSE THEY CONTINUE TO RIP MY SOUL INTO PIECES.

[ravenoclock]

@labyrinthhofmymind

the following content has spoilers for a fic called presque vu by bizarrestars.

I WILL BE KEEPING U UPDATED BECAUSE I NEED SOMEONE TO TALK TO ABT THIS. ITS TOO LATE TO BACK OUT.

ANYWHO;

SIRIUS SAYING REG AND JAMES ARE THE ONLY PEOPLE WHO KNOW ENOUGH TO LOVE HIM KILLED ME. I DIED. WTF.

OH AND THE SETTLE DOWN THING AND HOW SIRIUS FOESNT WANT TO SETTLE DOWN. AND REMUS BEING LIKE ‘YEAH I WOULD FOR THE RIGHT PERSON’ AND LOOKING AT SIRIUS AND SIRIUS IS LIKE ‘he deserves better and you know it’ NOO, LOVE, YOU ARE SOULMATES PLS PLS RECONSIDR. DJJSSJSJSJ.

also Sirius’ whole thing about not wanting to label because why the fuck do you have to label is so real. it’s literally what I tell my friends when they ask why I don’t label and they just look at me weird (except for one of them who said—to my face btw— ‘there’s so many labels just pick one’). anyways Sirius spiralling and being like ew why tf is he making me spiral (abt Dearborn) is SO FUNNY (ik it was like an angsty scene and all but they made me crack up).

Peter yelling ‘don’t forget to use the spells’ is so USHAKAKNS. WHY?! and knowing he’s a spy…. have I mentioned that I want to rip my hair out? No? currently ripping my hair out.

…the chapter ending? the ending of chapter 7??? excuse me??? WHY DID SIRIUS DO THAT. the heartbreak I could feel from Remus. WTF. also I don’t think Sirius did it (the thing with Dearborn) but again, he’s an extremely unreliable narrator so who tf actually knows. idk tho. can I say I’m neutral unless it’s confirmed that he did or didn’t do it? what do u think? wolfstar is so problematic and low key toxic but DHSHJS I LOVE RHEM SM. GAH. also the paranoia in this chapter with Sirius suspecting Remus as the spy… WHY. WHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHY??!!!!!? canon compliant fics will be the death of me I swear. they’re like a drug you can’t get enough of with the full knowledge that it’s not that good for you. anywho. also Sirius is like ‘I wouldn’t settle down not because you don’t deserve it but because I don’t’ and I find that heartbreaking. :(( Sirius you are loved.

when I finish the next few chapters I’ll post another rant. tysm for reading!!

[labyrinthhofmymind]

i am bizzarestars biggest fan literally worship the ground they walk on they are a genius and i love them ok that is all hello tumblr!

[ravenoclock]

@labyrinthhofmymind

IM BACCKKK

Spoilers for a fic called presque vu by bizzarestars

TYSM FOR UR RESPONSE AAAA UR THE FIRST PERSOM WHO’S LISTENED TO MY RANTS AND AVGUALLY LIKES THWM SO TYSM UR THE BEST <33

CHAPTER ELEVEN MFS

Shit’s getting deep yall I grabbed the tissues just in case.

*clears throat* okay so starting off sad with Lily’s parents dying right off the bat. Holy fuck. And the fact that she didn’t cry until after the funeral?? MY GIRL DJSKSKKSKA. I CANT RN. and Sirius being like ‘I wanna fuck Remus’ and Harry being like ‘nuh-uh’ and crying LMAO. Hilarious.

He lives anyway, in the end. They both do. Rats can survive in even the most dire of conditions, and all dogs were wild once. They both make it through, just not together. Rats and dogs rarely get along.

Foreshadowing comes in many forms.

Fuck. I can’t today. PETER PETER PETER. JUST ARGHH. WHY WHY WHY.

"No," Sirius croaks. "I can't ever imagine grieving you."

I’m on my way to go dig a grave for myself who’s with me? Cuz why? Would? You? Do? That? To? Me? Why? What? What the fuck??? I’ve spent so long deluding myself into believing canon isn’t real and that the marauders grew old and grey and happy together and then I read fics like these because I think im strong enough but in reality I just created a dream I can shatter (catch my reference? No? Yes?) but id rather the delusion shatter than my sanity but at this point idk. BEAR WITH ME. I’ll get therapy dw.

Sirius is right there with him, as that saying goes. She's growing, too, one day at a time even as she digs her heels in for every inch. She's just as imprisoned as him, in her own way. A prison of her own body, her blood, her name. She's been a prisoner her whole life.

Dead. Why is this so amazing??? Like I feel it in the very depths of my soul I swear.

JAMES WANTED CHILDREN. PLURAL. WHAT THE ACTUAL- I CANT. HARRY WAS GOING TO HAVE SIBLINGS. I FEEL NAUSEATED. IM GONNA THROW UP EVERYTJING INSIDE OF ME I SWEAR.

(This, too, is a prison. You feel that, don't you, deep down inside? One day soon, you'll be free from it, only for it to be replaced by another.)

The foreshadowing is crazy. Insane. Every other word for practically amazingly heart wrenchingly horrible.

Lily was pregnant. Lily was pregnant Lily was pregnant Lily was pregnant she had a baby she had a baby there was a baby THERE WAS ANOTHER BABY COMING THERE WAS ANOTHER FUCKING BABY COMING AND THEY FUCKING DIED AND THE BABY NEVER GOT TO LIVE THEY HAD ANOTHER BABY. HARRY WAS GOING TO HAVE A SIBLING. LILY WAS FUCKING PREFNANT. OH LORD IM GOING TO CRY A WHOLE FUCKING LOT NOW.

What if Halloween just doesn’t exist. They’ll live happily ever after right? Right? RIGHT????????

For Peter, this is, as the saying goes, his final straw. The camel's back is not only broken, it's been cleaved in half, and the fear spills out over the sides like blood, leading only to the promise of more. He's been straddling the line between both sides for nearly a year now, giving only bits and pieces of information to the death eaters just to make sure they won't kill him in duels, never enough for the Order to even suspect a proper spy at all, but now he knows which side is losing for sure, after this side has suffered so much loss, so it's time he throws his lot in where he can stop being afraid. He wants to survive like a rat, and gets his wish.

Fucking coward. I hope he dies a painful dead. Oh wait, he does. (I actually don’t remember. Does he? Idk if he dies at all ngl.)

Out of everyone, Marlene's are the only dreams that come true.

God fucking damn. Can I cry now? Oh my god. Oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god. Marlene ml. You will be missed.

I rly can’t. The first death out of the main group came and went. It doesn’t feel as heart wrenching as it does when I read Marlene’s death in The Hand That Feeds cuz it wasn’t in her perspective, and Sirius is awfully and unhealthily detached and it’s just so so fucking sad I can’t even.

She died. I cried.

CHAPTER TWELVE

Strapping in because Zar said so.

The fact that people think the spy is Sirius. Because of his last name. A name she can’t control. A name that came from a reputation they tried so hard to remove themselves from only for others to only see it. The name ‘Black’ and what it’s associated with. I hope they all fuck themselves.

Sirius shouldn't even know about it, nor should Remus, or Peter, or Augusta—but of course, they all find out because Frank and Alice trust the latter, while James and Lily trust the former three. One couple here has made a mistake. Hint: it's not the one with parents.

OHHHHH MY GOD.

"Sirius isn't a fucking toy," James snaps.

Remus arches an eyebrow. "Then why do you treat him like one?"

Oh my lord. Oh my fucking lord.

It's funny. When the doubt creeps in, Remus will think about the question Sirius asked, and Sirius will think about the answer Remus gave, but neither will think about how Peter said nothing at all.

So…I don’t know what to say anymore. I can’t say anything. It’s so awful.

Mary ran. Dorcas died. Peter should die.

The emmary makes me want to die, too. WHY DIDNT EMMELINE GO WITH HER. MARY OBLIVIATED HERSELF TRYING TO PROTECT HETSELF.

Whoever the spy is, Sirius thinks that day, they're smart, and they're brutal, and they're not doing this just out of fear. There's more to it than just that, more that Sirius can recognize in the mirror; a deep, dark pit that the worst crawls out of, unleashed on those who don't think it exists there. This is someone who may not have always been a monster, but knows how to become one, and maybe believes that's the only option they have. This is someone, despite how hard it is to fathom and how hard it is to accept, that Sirius knows.

Irony never misses a chance to take center-stage in the tragic play of their lives. Believe it or not, they're still in act one. They're on their way to act two, though, one cut from the cast of characters at a time.

Peter doesn’t deserve to cry for deaths he fucking caused. He doesn’t deserve Sirius comforting him. He doesn’t deserve any mercy at all.

Very close now, with Dorcas out. Take a wild guess at who's next.

Emmeline. Lily and James. Those are my guesses.

Sirius starting to doubt Remus kills me.

Sirius thinking Remus is Dumbledore’s spy…im pretty sure he wasn’t? Was he? Maybe he was but I only remember Peter being both. Like Peter was the double agent before turning to work for baldy voldy.

The fact that Sirius thinks it’s Remus. The fact that none of them suspect Peter not even once.

Them trying to convince their best friends that the other is the spy. Why. Peter wasn’t mentioned once. I actually want to puke.

Also Dorcas. Just. Dorcas :( And then Mary running tf away cuz she’s done. I wanna die. Wolfstar fighting and falling in love during A WAR. MY LOVES. THEY FONT DESERVE IT.

I read like chapters 13-21 in a haze. Here’s my thoughts (not in any order whatsoever):

- Azkaban is so shitty to the extent that there’s no words to describe how fucked it is and how dehumanizing it makes its prisoners feel, innocent or not

- The entire chapter where Sirius was described without any pronouns was GENIUS and so brilliant I loved it

- Sirius passing time as Padfoot but forgetting a lot because of Padfoot and Azkaban :(

- Sirius using the dementors as a way of sh :(

- Sirius not remembering who his first kiss was (JAMES) actually KILLED ME

- OLDER WOLFSTAR REUNION WHOOP WHOOP I LOVE THEM

- THE HURT/COMFORT SCENE <333333

- THEYRE SO IN LOVE THAT I MIGHT STOP BREATHING

- THE BUGS oh the FUCKING bugs thing destroys me. i cried, threw up, did the whole thing. cuz GOD I WANT SOMEONE TO UNDERSTAND ME LIKE THAT HOLY SHIT. I LOVE THEM.

- Sirius and Crookshanks are cool asf

- DUMBKEDORE YOU MAD MAN WHY DO I LIKE YOU

- KINGSLEY

- Remus being jealous of Kingsley low key had me giggling and twirling my hair cuz Sirius is so oblivious like ‘oh he’s funny, and we’re mates’ AGAHSHGAA

- also Remus being like ‘we’re just friends’ you and who buddy? Ain’t no one buying that. And Sirius glaring holes into his head is so AHAHAHAHH. And then Sirius holding it against him for the next few chapters is actually hilarious. He’s so petty. I love them.

- Sirius: ‘hello buddy, best mate, my best of all pals’

Remus: ‘I sense I’ve made a mistake somewhere’

ZAR WRUTING THAT IS SO FUNNY. I think i might’ve cried from laughter.

- REMUS TELLS SIRIUS EVERYTHING. WOLFSTAR IS COMMUNICATING. WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK. I LOVE IT.

- Sirius being upset that she’s not allowed to be there on Remus’ full moons is so cute, and then Remus letting her take care of him after, always, is so so adorable.

- MOLLY. THE WEASLEY TWINS. HERMIONE. HARRYYY MY DARLING.

- WE MET THE GOLDEN ERA KIDDSSSSSS

- also the doubt that maybe Peter wasn’t the spy and he had a reasonable explanation for it is so heartbreaking I actually wanted to puke. I think i did puke.

- PROFESSOR LUPIN. ENDEARING. FOND. SIRIUS COMBUSTING EVERYTIME REMUS FLIRTS WITH HIM. PERFECTION.

- Sirius singing in Azkaban :((

- the cross words. WAXING MOON.

THEY WERE MADE FLR EACHOTHER YOUR HONOR.

Thx for coming to my Ted Talk <3.

Btw I’m so sorry i haven’t been on tumblr recently. Been a bit busy.

[ravenoclock]

@labyrinthhofmymind

A continuation of updates abt presque vu. Spoilers included. Italics are quotes from the fic itself. I apologize for not updating for a few days, I’ve been a bit busy.

CHAPTER NINE

Sirius is such a girlboss I swear. Androgynous royalty. Him being saying how they love confusion sm and making people confused like GET IT, LOVE. Also James being so supportive and being like ‘is it comfortable and how does it feel, etc’ is so cute. Love them.

The emmary :( idk what’s going on there but I feel so bad for them.

Oh, Remus, please like my knickers, please don't turn them into a joke, please like everything about me, even the things you don't understand, even the things you don't know, even the things I don't either. This is what I am. Please take me as I am.

GAHHHHH.

Also Remus being like ‘I’ll like u in whatever u wear’ is so wholesome.

MARLENE AND SIRIUS’ FRIENDSHIP. BONDING. OVER. A. MOTORBIKE. THATS SO THEM.

"Pretty sure she knows I'm fucking Dorcas," Marlene says, gaze fixed on the wrench. "She hates it. Can you believe that? I kill people and she looks the other way, but I love a woman and she hates me."

That’s rly fucked up. I hate that Marls has to go through stuff like that. Side note, I’m imagining Marlene with her hair short asf and I just died. MARLS THE WOMAN YOU ARE.

Also Peter…poor boy. Ik he chose to betray them and all that but Sirius saying how Peter used to be rly lively and shit and now he’s just… nothing.

SIRIUS MAKING REMUS BLUSH. HE BLUSHED. I SCREAMED.

Today, Sirius is as much a man as he is a woman, both simultaneously, with no words to describe why it's that way, or what it feels like.

Is it weird to say I’m proud of him? Like, a few chapters before she didn’t even know what she was feeling and now they’re more comfortable with it and they’re fine with it. Idk. I just love it.

To Sirius, control is secrecy.

…speechless.

"You're a vision," Sirius croaks, struck stupid by it, by him. "Do you have any idea how lovely you are?"

WOLFSTAR WOLFSTAR WOLFSTAR WOLFSTAR WOLFSTAR I LOVE THEM YOUR HONOR. DHAJAJJSJSJSHSNDKELKWKAJ I CANT.

Sirius still thinking Remus deserves better and that he’s not good enough for Remus actually makes me want to die because THEYRE MADE FOR EACH OTHER. MOLDED FROM THE SAME CLAY. CUT FROM THE SAME CLOTH. IDC WHAT CORNY SHIT I HAVE TO SAY TO PROVE THAT THEY ARE MEANT FOR EACH OTHER AND ITS SUCH A BEAUTIFUL THING AND I LOVE IT.

Someday, he will be silent more often than he is not. Someday, he will be unable to recall his mother's voice. Someday, he will only remember her scream.

FUCK OFF. WHYYYY.

It's unfortunate, really, that so few of them live long past the proof.

NO NO NO NO NO NO NO

moving on to….CHAPTER TEENNNNN

HARRY MY BABY IS HEREEEEE AND SIRIUS IS LIKE ‘hmm I kinda understand why my parents hated me now’ lmao? I guess? Idk if I’m supposed to laugh?

Sirius would scamper out of her bedroom and rub her eyes with her fists and, half-asleep with a tiny yawn, she would reach out for her mother's hand and offer to walk with her. She would ask, on the few and far between nights where her mother actually let her small hand slip into hers, if she could give Regulus a hug, or tell him hello. And, occasionally, with a long suffering sigh like it was the end of the world, Walburga would hold Sirius' hand for a beat, then let go, then let Sirius do it.

OH MY FUCKING GOD. OH MY GOD. OH. MY. GOD.

"Merlin, your tears are contagious," Sirius informs Harry with a croaky whisper, not understanding why her eyes are suddenly streaming, why her chest feels like it's caving in.

;-; now I wanna cry. thx.

Harry, apparently, is chaos incarnate.

They love Harry so much they can't shut up about it.

THEY WERE SUPPOSED TO STAY FAMILY. ALL LF THEM. LIKE THIS. FOREVER. COMPLAINING ABT HARRYS CHAOS AND BEING EXHAUSTED FROM TAKING CARE OF HIM, LATCHING ON TO EVERY LITTLE THING HE DID BECAUSE THEY DESERVED IT. FAMILY. THEY WERE EACH OTHERS FAMILY AND THEN THEY WERENT. WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY.

But that doesn't stop Sirius from wanting to hold Harry all the time. That doesn't stop her from begging Lily and James to let her come over so she can watch Harry breathe, which is a bit odd, but it's an impulse she can't resist. That doesn't stop her from wanting to feed Harry, or coo at him, or change his nappies and rock him to sleep and gasp in awe when he accidentally manages to grasp his own foot in his fist and fling his baby sock halfway across the room.

I CANT ENJOY THIS WHEN IK ITS A CANON COMPLIANT FIC.

All that is to say, Peter's awkward with Harry usually, unsure how to handle him, scared to hurt him. It's sweet and endearing, but his caution must read wrong to Harry, because he genuinely seems to throw a fit every time Peter tries to have anything to do with him. Maybe they need to bond. They haven't seemed to do that yet.

Harry knows…

Oh my god oh my god oh my god. SIRIUS WAKING UP REMUS CUZ EMMELINE IS HOLDING IS ARM IS HILARIOUS. REMUS BEING LIKE OH YEAH I LOVE YOY. SIRIUS BEING LIKE OH SHIT. WOLFSTAR MY LOVES.

Even lullabies can be lies sometimes.

So….whos paying for my therapy?

Oh my god. Lily laughing her ass off thinking Dumbledore’s lost his mind and James and Sirius being like ‘umm so who’s gonna tell her?’ And Remus agreeing with Lily but looking at Sirius and realizing she’s not fucking around. Sirius being like ‘it doesn’t fucking matter if you think the prophecy is bullshit, they won’t. they’ll come after your baby whether or not this prophecy is real.’ And Lily being like ‘oh shit you motherfucker now WHY would you say that?’

"She gets it now," James weeps, "and somehow that's worse."

Of course. There’s a saying I can’t quite remember for this kind of situation.

Zar’s metaphor for time and growing up… that’s my 10th life gone y’all.

Remus takes one look at him, and the fight doesn't even exist. They don't say they're sorry, and they don't talk about it anymore, and they simply let it fizzle into nothingness until all that's left is the way they hold each other.

…something tells me that’s kinda toxic. But wolfstar and communication don’t work rly well together. I wish they would just talk :(

It's the brightest part of Sirius' life, to be loved by that kid.

Christ on a Stick. I can’t do this today.

Later, Sirius will think about that tradition he heard about, the one that's almost a superstition, where you're not supposed to do anything strenuous or upsetting on New Years, or else you'll be stuck doing it all year following. It's meant for chores, usually, not for going without your best friend.

Jaw dropped. Tears cried. Screams scrumpt.

I feel a headache incoming so that’s all I’m reading for today. I finished chapter 10!!! Apparently there’s some time for me to prepare for what happens in 1981 so I’m very thankful for that but I don’t think I’ll ever be fully ready :( anywho sorry that it’s a bit shorter this time but yeah! those r my thoughts for chapters 9 & 10 of presque vu. Have a great day :)