#present day louis sure is acting like this is his chance to burn away his sin before he meets god

[clowndensation]

still so obsessed with the fact louis immediately thinks of the traumatized and destitute when he talks about who will want to turn during the great conversion, especially in conjunction with his line about how "all vampires are born from trauma" in relation to claudia, and jacob anderson's interview where he's asked if louis regrets becoming a vampire, and he responds "yeah. i think so, i think so. but then, he wouldn't want to be a human again, either"

louis and his view on vampirism as something akin to purgatory - the only people who could ever want it are the ones trying to escape hell. he doesn't want to go back, but it's simultaneously an existence he never believes he (or anyone else) could find happiness in, and so those who already are happy would obviously never choose to turn.

[1ddotdhq]

Thurs 21 Jan ‘21

Welp. Today was a busy week, huh? 

Let’s start with Zayn’s INZAYNLY AWESOME idea of writing a comic book based on his own album - take THAT reviews that said he had no concept behind it! The first panel of the story is a man in a white car speeding away from a man with purple eyes and white pupils (REALLY creepy btw), and it reads, “A madman has been chasing me for the past hour. When I go faster, he comes closer”. I am intrigued! I hope that this is some sort of enemies to lovers type thing, but knowing these guys, its strictly horror/suspense. This is being presented in video form, so the panels are moving figures and they are scored with songs from the album, which I assume is how the rest of the panels will also be presented. You can watch these two panels with the songs “Calamity” and “Better” over on YouTube for the full effect! Also, Zayn’s last listening party was today and he was the DJ! “DJ Malik”, he said in a sentimental throwback to his boyband days. He and his team had a great time throwing airhorns into the the listening party and then they did a “from Dusk Til Dawn '' encore, which I’m sure means Zayn wants us to be streaming NIL from Dusk Til Dawn! 

To keep the party going, Paul Roberts, TPWK and longtime 1D choreographer, had a chat with the BBC about working with Harry and Phoebe (WB) on the music video. He knew right away, he said, that everyone from 1D could be a great dancer if they really wanted to be, and, ten years later, he finally got the chance to test the theory! Spoiler alert: he was RIGHT! Harry had seen Phoebe in Fleabag on the West End and got on with her from the word go, and so the idea came about. “It was about three weeks before the world started to burn”, he says about the filming of the video,“We didn’t know how lucky we were”. 

Finally, let’s CHAT: it’s stunt timeeeeee!! Today is, of course, Freddie’s birthday, which meant the usual round of pictures stolen from social media from the Tomlinson sisters, silence from Louis, and birthday pics from the Clarks. Including a picture of a sonogram posted by Briana that was taken on August 3rd, 2015 (Louis confirmed the baby on the very next day on GMA). This sonogram is notable BECAUSE - drumroll pleasseeeee - it was taken at a FERTILITY CLINIC which specialized in surrogacy and IVF. So this is a clinic that only treats people who cannot have children naturally. To make matters more interesting, the clinic does not do non-client visits, and they did not do them in 2015. You simply could not go to this clinic if you had an accidental pregnancy because those are not the kinds of clients served by this clinic! I mean, if nothing else, this shows that Briana did not get accidentally pregnant by Louis, if she was pregnant at all. Likely, it was another fucked up photoshop job, where they switched Tammi’s name for hers and just forgot to change the name of the clinic. Sighhh. We knew this, of course, but WOW does this prove it concretely, huh? Anyways, I cannot BELIEVE that they are still fucking up THIS BADLY five years later, but uh. Yeah. Happy Birthday, Freddie, hope you got more than an apple this year! 

But that’s not the ONLY stunt that’s becoming faker and faker: Fauxlivia is proving itself to be nothing but the cash, and the cars, and the glory...and the pretty clothes, apparently! Turns out, Olivia is a brand ambassador for La Ligne in much the same way that H works for Gucci. She’s been featured on their instagram many MANY times, and has, thus far, worn their clothes for no fewer than TWO of the Holivia pap walks. Strangely enough, though, when this whole stunt began to manifest in late October, HARRY began featuring on their Instagram page as well. Totally Organically, of course, considering that they’d never talked about him before! That AND: the pink beanie that H was wearing in their dumb af Parking Lot Pap Walk has ALSO been idenfied to be La Ligne, which I’m sure he Just Decided to begin wearing and it had NOTHING to do with Jeff being Right There and them having promoted Gucci together at Jeff’s wedding. Mhmmmmm they’ve convinced me they’re TOTALLY in love. Celebrities that promo together, stay together, after all! (Oh, is that not the saying?)

Meanwhile, Liam’s Final Act merch has been delayed, and he has asked people to “contact him when they get it” (Harry’s team could NEVER), and JC Stewart called Niall “one of the nicest guys in music”. I’m sure he agrees! And, Niall has his own little discourse today - so much for him not creating any drama, huh? There were some shirtless pics of him posted by an ~source~ where he seems to have been working out (Niall has ABS now??) and is arranging a stack of boxes that read “nude” (just like Niall, huh?). UAs battled it out whether or not these pics should have been posted because he did not know they were being taken and there’s ETHICS involved, but Niall hangs out shirtless so much ANYWAYS that I bet he doesn’t mind.

[josefavomjaaga]

Helfert, Joachim Murat, Chapter 2, part 2

However, the British Congress Legation also used language very unfavourable to the King of Naples. When in the last days of September the Duke of Campochiaro appeared before Castlereagh to explain to him that "his monarch was prepared to let his troops clear all land beyond the borders of his kingdom, even the Marches promised to him by Austria, but that he would defend Naples itself to the last drop of blood, that he had at his command an armed force of 80,000 men, not counting the militia", the Lord replied evasively: "if King Joachim had intervened in earnest during the last war, his cause would have been different; but his dithering and vacillation had put all claims in suspense, and left open a question now to be decided solely from the standpoint of high policy; besides, he could only advise the King to keep as quiet as possible in the meantime, especially not to take any action against Sicily; any hostility on that side would be regarded by England as a case of war, and she would use all her strength against it" [Footnote 1]. The Duke of Wellington, then accredited to the court of Louis XVIII, and entirely drawn into its interests, most eagerly calculated where the troops could be obtained for a crusade against Naples: 10,000 Sicilians 10,000 Spaniards 12,000 Portuguese 15 to 20,000 from the British garrisons in the Mediterranean, "with such a force the enterprise might be ventured" [Footnote 2]. A pamphlet that appeared in London at this time defending Murat's claims seems to have made little impression in congressional circles.

One of the most ardent advocates in favour of the plan to expel the King of Naples was the representative of Great Britain in Palermo, who also received secret instructions from Castlereagh in the autumn of 1814, no doubt in accordance with Wellington's designs, to make enquiries about Murat's forces and about the mood prevailing in Naples on behalf of the Bourbons. A'Court's despatches spoke only of the "usurper" who should no longer be left on the throne, even though the envoy could not conceal the fact that "it would not be easy to give the matter a turn such that the dignity and faithfulness of the British Cabinet would not suffer shipwreck". Incidentally, it was thought in Palermo that nothing could be risked by an enterprise against Murat; every day, Ferdinand's ministers claimed, they received reports from the mainland saying that the impatience to see the ancestral king in possession of the country again could hardly be restrained. A'Court was furious when he heard that the British Consul Fagan, sent to Naples by Lord Bentinck, had assumed the position of Consul-General there, had gained admittance to the court, exchanged notes with the Minister Gallo, expressing a lively desire to strengthen the good understanding between the government of England and His Majesty's Majesty in Naples, and so on. He denounced him to Lord Castlereagh and at the same time recalled him to his former post in Palermo.

Already in the summer Castlereagh must already have uttered observations like the one mentioned earlier against King Joachim's representatives, which prompted the latter to draw up a memorandum on his attitude in the last campaign and to send it to the British First Secretary of State. This did little to improve his case. For Castlereagh obtained Nugent's and Bentinck's comments on the document, and each of them expressed himself more unfavourably about Murat than the other. "Once the allies had entered into certain obligations," the imperial general said, "they were obliged to fulfil them; but they were also relieved of all further considerations against Murat if he, for his part, had not observed them". Nugent now went through the Neapolitan account of the campaign of last spring point by point and everywhere came to the conclusion that King Joachim, by his strategic intervention, had not benefited but only harmed the allies in Upper Italy: "If the Neapolitan army had not moved, two Austrian battalions and a few squadrons would have sufficed to sweep the country clean, and if Murat, as he is pleased to claim, has conquered the country as far as the Po with his troops, this has been done at our expense, not that of our enemy".

Lord William considered the political rather than the military side, but came to similar conclusions as did the Austrian count. "Murat's policy," was Bentinck's brief opinion, "was calculated to save his crown, and so he always followed whoever seemed to emerge victorious from the struggle. At his court, as in his army, there were two parties at feud with each other and fighting for influence with him, a French and a Neapolitan one; he himself always remained a Frenchman at heart; he was of no use to the allies as a friend and, if fortune had turned his back on us, would have hastened our downfall as an enemy. Between the French and Neapolitan armies throughout the campaign there was obvious understanding; no hostile act was undertaken by either side against the other. A large part of the Neapolitan officers were burning with desire to compete with the French, but the King carefully avoided this. In the affair at Parma, March 6 to 8, the corps of General Nugent was, so to speak, sacrificed by Murat, and it has been said that a number of Neapolitan generals, because of the stain which this has placed on their militaristic character, have signed a letter to Murat" [Footnote 3].

To tell the truth, Murat's more than lax conduct of war in the last campaign was by no means the reason why people were speaking out against him more and more decidedly: it only offered a welcome excuse to be now able to turn away from him with decency, after he had been approached so often in the past. Even if, following the advice of his wise wife, he had been zealous in the interests of the Allies, he would not have been able to maintain the position he actually occupied. It must also be admitted that the "victrix causa", the cause which, after a quarter of a century of humiliations, defeats and losses of all kinds, was finally helped to victory, could have resulted in nothing else than Murat's removal from the throne, which he, too, owed only to the defeats and losses of his opponents at the time. Louis XVIII had hit the nail on the head when he exclaimed: "How can one tolerate a small usurpation after having put an end to a great one?

---

Footnote 1) Castlereagh to A’Court, Vienna October 2, 1814 X (III 2) p. 145 f.

Footnote 2) Wellington to Castlereagh September 12 and to Liverpool, December 25 1814, ibit, p.114 f., 226 — 228. „I concur very much in opinion with the King“, he writes to the First Lord of the Treasury, „that the chances of disturbance, particularly in this country, are very much increased by leaving Murat on the throne of Naples. If he were gone, Bonaparte in Elba would not be an object of great dread“. However, he asked the Minister of Foreign Affairs to not reveal anything about the entire plan for the time being: "The King is anxious that nothing should be said upon the subject at Vienna, until I shall receive an answer from England". In fact, the reply did not actually take the form the bellicose Duke had hoped for. Lord Liverpool agreed with Wellington completely on the main point; only, he said (Bath, 1 January 1815), it was necessary to wait for the time: "The only point which I wish to impress upon you is the absolute impossibility, in the present state of the circumstances and feelings in this country, of our engaging in military operations for the purpose of expelling Murat". Incidentally, in the unfavourable sentiment against Joachim, as in any question of British policy, there were also very material motives at play: "Si cette péninsule retombe dans les mains de la famille Buonaparte, le commerce anglais va à être gêné de nouveau dans cette péninsule, et certainement elle y tombera si de mesures rigoureuses et l'expulsion de Murat de l'Italie ne préviennent ce malheur"; Le Chevalier T. (Tinseau?) to Castlereagh 29 Nov. 1814; ibit p. 211, 243 f.

Footnote 3) Schöll, Recueil VI S. 364—394: Mémoire historique sur la conduite politique et militaire de S. M. le Roi de Naples etc.; S. 395—419 : Observations par le général comte Nugent etc.; S. 435—450: Dépêche de Lord William Bentinck au vicomte Castlereagh en date de Florence le 7 janvier 1815. The first two pieces are undated, but fall into the year 1814, and the memorandum into midsummer, since Castlereagh sent it to Count Bathurst on 6 September.

----

Just to add to this: Colonel Maceroni in his memoirs, as we have seen, had accused Eugène of having informed Austrian commander Bellegarde about the secret negotiations with Murat. This was obviously unnecessary, as Mier’s letters prove the Austrians to be very aware of what was going on anyway. But talked about it he surely had, as even in Paris the British had already taken note:

Lord Castlereagh to Lord Bathurst. Paris, May 3, 1814.

My Lord, I have delayed transmitting the enclosed correspondence for a few days, in the hope that I might be enabled to ascertain whether the Viceroy's assertions of Murat's treachery were supported by any documents on which the Allies could justify a change of policy towards him ; but none have as yet been received : I shall, however, take steps to ascertain the fact. The Austrian Government have no other reluctance on this point than what good faith imposes. As soon as I can learn anything further on this subject, your lordship shall hear from me.

I have, &c.,

CASTLEREAGH.

PS. Since this despatch was closed, I have received despatches from Sir R. Wilson, which throw further light upon Murat's conduct.

(taken from: »Memoirs and Correspondence of Viscount Castlereagh«, Volume X)

During that time, Eugène was still on his way to Munich; so he must have opened up quite a bit to Bellegarde before, when handing over Upper Italy to him. One can assume both commanders agreed heartily in their dislike for poor Murat.

(On a side note: As for the opinion of General Nugent cited above, I’ve recently come across an account of the battle of Raab which this gentleman apparently managed to loose singlehandedly. Not sure I’d put too much faith in his view of military matters.)

[cherrybloomn]

Delicate - Chapter 4

Alright guys, so here it comes.  I am not really sure if anyone is reading this story, but for me it’s a great joy of writing it. I’m not much of a writer, but it’s a nice thing to give it a go. If there is anyone that would like to be tagged, let me know and I will. As for now there’s no tag list as I’m not really sure anyone reads this, lol

Once again, HUGE thank you for my most wonderful beta and supporters @musings-sans-muse​ and @shellbilee​ <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 

Warnings: strong language, (it’s a slow burn so.. no more warnings as for now), a bit of a breakdown. 

Music inspiration: ( as I really love to discover all the music inspirations here on Tumblr, I’ve decided to put all the songs/music that have inspired me to write) -

1) Jacob Banks & Louis the Child - Diddy Bop -https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LxcsoynCkPk

2) Olafur Arnolds - Poland - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZIq55s61KAE

3) Ruelle, Fleurie - Carry you -  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i39fan8ow-o

Storyline: Naomi Poesy is a TV host of the show about acting and contemporary cinema. She is living life to the fullest, but for some reason she promised herself, she will never do any relationships. Much to her surprise she befriends one of her guests. Will she keep her promise?

30th of July, 2020

Naomi was driving her car home from her pure barre classes, when her phone rang. She quickly switched the Bluetooth on and pressed the dial button.

“Hello, boy. How are you doing? It’s your last Friday of freedom! Are you still in London or have you already got to the countryside?”

Henry chuckled. “Thank you I’m actually doing very fine. I can’t wait to get back to work. Finally. I’m in the countryside already. I’m throwing a small party tonight. Just closest friends. Shisha included. Hope you’re on board. Colin said he could pick you up.”

It took Naomi a minute to answer that question, as she was distracted by other drivers’ weird actions on the road.

“What the fuck is he doing!” She looked to her right and gave the driver sitting in the other car the scary look. “Oh, sorry. The party. Yes. Well, no. I’m sorry, I can’t make it. I’d love to though, really. I know we won’t be able to meet for a couple of weeks now, but BBN has a new CEO. Tonight there’s this introductory dinner. I have to be there. To be honest I don’t really know how I feel about it. This guy is so… disturbing. He visited us two days ago and said that he would announce who is going to end their journey with BBN, and I quote,“Some of you have nothing to add to the company”.

“Naomi, come on! You don’t really think you are one of these people! You are nominated to the TV Rising Star Award! Come on!  But when itcomes to your presence at the party, well, I won’t deny I’m a little bit disappointed. I hoped we’d see each other tonight. But I do understand of course. Please let me know tomorrow how the dinner went. Oh, and I am keeping my fingers crossed on Monday. I sincerely think you do deserve to win the award.”

“Thanks. Alright, so, have a great time in the evening and don’t get stoned!”

“Thanks…” There was a short silence between them, Naomi felt like he wanted to add something more, but he didn’t, so she finally broke the silence:

“Ok. Oh, and Hen… I will sincerely miss you. I know how tight your schedule is” she stopped for a brief moment to rethink if she should ask for that, but decided to do so, and continued with soft voice “but just call me from time to time.”

“If I didn’t know you, I would have thought you fell in love with me, or something.” He joked.

Naomi smiled “Hm. I’m just curious. What makes you feel like you know me?” She asked playfully and grinned like a Cheshire cat at her question.

“Should I read between lines??” Naomi could only imagine him raising his eyebrow with the cheeky smile on his face.

“I don’t know. It’s you who said you knew me.” She giggled. “Ok, that’s enough. I’m almost at home, so I need to end this wonderful conversation. Keep in touch.”

“Absolutely. Now that you’ve admitted to falling for me, touching is inevitable.”

Naomi rolled her eyes and exclaimed quickly “Oh dear god, you did not just say that!” And also added with laughter: “Bye!”. She ended the conversation.

To fall in love with. Whatever being in love means. Naomi thought about it for a while. She didn’t really remember what that meant, how it felt. Was she in love with anyone right now? She knew she wasn’t in love with her fuck friend – James. Henry – on the other hand – was important to her. She thought about him every evening beforeshe went to sleep, she thought about him every morning. His messages made her smile, and the thought of their meeting made her feel warm inside. She knew that with every meeting, she wanted more – longer conversations, just one more movie to watch, another joke to share, another (un)accidental touch. She shivered at each thought of his touch. It has always been so casual and innocent, yet so powerful and soothing. Oh, fuck. Enough of this. He’s so not my type. Her own thoughts terrified her, so she tried to push them away.

***

The evening came very fast. Enveloped in a black, knee-length, silky dress by Dior and Coco Mademoiselle by Chanel, Naomi found herself in a cab on the way to the dinner. Her hair was styled in soft waves and her lips painted red. She was very stressed about losing her job, but tried to do as much as possible to make herself presentable and appealing. What a pathetic circus– she thought.

Just before leaving the cab Naomi fixed her makeup. She entered the Ritz, and quickly headed to the hostess, who waited to lead the guests to the tables. The young girl welcomed her with a glass of champagne, which Naomi politely accepted. She took a small sip. Let the shit show begin. Both women headed to the small room just behind the main chamber of the restaurant. Much to Naomi’s surprise the CEO was already sitting at the small table prepared for two. His posture was relaxed, his jacket hung over the backrest of the chair. He must have been waiting here for some time. He was a handsome man in his fifties, but his mischievous smirk was very disturbing. He didn’t bother to stand up to welcome Naomi.

“There you are! Our shining little star. Our nominee. Come closer, darling. Let me finally take a proper look at you.” He beckoned her. Naomi approached him and extended her hand for a professional handshake.

“Mr McKenzie, very nice to meet you.” She faked her sweetest smile and looked around. “Where’s everybody? I was sure I'd heard it was a meeting with all of the presenters.”

“Surprise, surprise!” He exclaimed and took a sip of his whiskey. “Darling I want to talk with you and only you. YOU are our future. I want to transfer you to the news section and make you the main news presenter. Excited?” He looked her up and down. “Turn around”.

“Excuse me..?” She looked at him with her eyes wide open. That request caught her off guard. She quickly looked around. All of the tables were occupied, and Naomi felt like everyone’s eyes were settled on them.

“Darling I said just turn around for me. I want to see you.”

The shit-show indeed. Naomi slowly sat down in front of her boss, never ceasing to look him in the eyes. “No, Mr McKenzie. I’m afraid I can’t do that.” She gave him a sly smile.

“Disobedient. I don’t like disobedience.” He slowly poured whiskey to the empty glass standing on Naomi’s side, and after filling it with the liquid he handed it to her. “Here’s to our new news star.” He took his glass of whiskey and clicked her glass. With his other hand he grabbed her chin and turned her head to her right side and then back to the centre, forcing her to look at him. “You’re so perfect. I will make a star of you. Just be good and obedient.” He let go of her chin and sat comfortably in his chair.

Naomi, usually so outspoken and forward, didn’t know what to say. At the very moment she felt exposed. Vulnerable. Fragile. Lonely.

“Mr McKenzie, I’m sorry but I don’t really see our cooperation like this. I am very grateful for the given opportunity, but I really love my show, and I have put so much effort to make it work. People like it, the guests like it. It’s not just another talk show, it touches important issues in theatre and film industry, it gives information about acting methods. I think it’s very refreshing and I have only got positive feedback from our viewers. We also have the social media account and the show has the biggest number of active followers. People like it and they associate the show with me. I wouldn’t like to give it to anyone else. I feel like it’s my child.”

“Naomi. I don’t really give a fuck about the number of viewers or comments made by spoiled, cocaine addict celebrities. This show is running to its end and you either become the face of the evening news on my terms, or you can consider yourself jobless.”

“Well, if so… I guess you will have the one and only chance to look at my ass, just as you wanted to. I’m sorry, but I can’t take this offer.” She half whispered all these words. She worked very hard on her composure, but inside she felt like bursting out. She quickly stood up, held her bag and left the restaurant. Just when she caught the taxi and sat inside, the tears started running down her cheeks. She couldn’t believe she was deprived of her beloved child, just because someone decided to destroy it.

She gave the taxi driver her home address but after just a minute she changed her destination. Henry.

An hour later, she was standing at the door of Henry’s rented countryside house. She could hear laughter and screams from the inside. She slowly wiped her tears away, trying not to destroy the remains of her makeup. It must have been destroyed, as she felt her cheeks burning from crying. She took a deep sigh and knocked a couple of times. After what it felt like eternity, Henry opened the door.

“Naomi! You made it!” He looked her up and down “You look absolutely amazing! What a sexy dress. It’s more of a sweatpants party, but no worries. You will fit just perfectly.” Henry was in a very good mood, which made her smile a little. When he asked her in, he noticed her puffy eyes. Suddenly he got all serious and frowned at her. “Hey, come here.” He wrapped his big arms around her. He started to gently stroke her back with his left hand, and with the right one, he moved her hair to the side and placed the palm of his hand on the nape of her neck, pushing her even closer towards himself. When he felt that she started sobbing into his chest, he rested his chin on her head. “Do you want to talk?’ He asked gently.

“Not now.” was all she was able to say.

“Henners it’s your turn! What the fuck are you doing with the pizza deliv…” One of Henry’s friends ran into the hall, to check what was going on. “Ouch.. it doesn’t look like pizza delivery.. Sorry, sorry. Take your time guys. I’ve seen nothing.” He quickly got back to the living room. “Hey guys it’s not pizza delivery, it’s a lady!”

The comment kind of lifted Naomi’s spirit. She cry-laughed, and stepped backwards, breaking the embrace. “I’m sorry. Thank you.” She extended her hand and touched his arm. “Thank you. I feel much better now. We’ll talk later, ok? I need to relax. And I should change. I feel so overdressed.”

“Of course. I have my ex’s leggings and t- shirts here, if you want you can wear them. How about me preparing a good drink for you and you in the meantime taking a hot shower and changing?”

“Sounds perfect.” She said with a weak voice and gave him a faint smile. She looked defeated. She felt defeated. After a minute Henry brought her a pair of leggings and white tank top. Naomi took her time in the shower, she then fixed her makeup, dressed up and headed to the living room.

“Hello everyone. To those of you I don’t know yet, I’m Naomi” She smiled and waved her hand. She knew some of Henry’s friends, as they have all met a couple of times at the parties.

When the time passed, this small gathering made Naomi feel much better. Some got burnt down with shisha and weed. One of Henry’s mates was taking the piss at Henry being referred to as “daddy” on the Internet. Another one of his friends, excited with this news, went on the literotica website, picked up some spicy story and both guys started to read it aloud pretending it was about Henry. Naomi found it extremally stupid, but couldn’t stop laughing. Henry was just rolling his eyes and smiling, he was obviously embarrassed.

“Alright, enough!” He shouted after a minute and everyone got silent.

“Oh my god, Henry. That was so dominant” Naomi purred in a seductive voice and everyone started to laugh dramatically. Naomi just couldn’t breathe. “I’m so sorry, oh god. This is too good.” She covered her face with her hands. “I’m sorry…but I have just found out about that kink I had no idea about!”

At around 2 am, when everyone left, Naomi sat with Henry in the kitchen. She told him about her evening. He didn’t talk much, but was very supportive. He was listening to her carefully. He furrowed his brows and grabbed her hand. “I’m really sorry.” He whispered. They talked about it for another hour, and Naomi finally said: “Alright. I’ve got to go. Not that I need to prepare to work or anything, but still.” She laughed bitterly. In the meantime she ordered the Uber.

“You can stay, you know that.” He was still holding her hand gently brushing the inside of her palm with his thumb. Once she realized that, Naomi quickly withdrew her hand and stood up.

“No, you need to get rest before the big day.” Naomi grabbed her dress and high heels and headed to the main hall. Henry followed her.

Once Naomi went out, Henry stopped her by holding her wrist and said “Girl, don’t worry. You are strong. You’ll survive”. He kissed her on the cheek. “Let me know when you arrive home.”

These two sentences crushed Naomi’s heart. She’s heard it before and she’d never forget it. You are strong. You will survive.

As a child, Naomi’s biggest dream was to become the Principal of the Royal Ballet. At the age of three, she started her first ballet classes. She was a natural, and not long after she was accepted to the national ballet school. She was very talented. This is why she started to work in the Royal Opera House at the age of 12.

One summer Naomi had an accident. She fell down from a tree and crushed her ribs and knee. She also suffered a spinal injury. She had to have an operation. She had to spend two months in the hospital.

In the last week of Naomi’s hospital stay, her beloved teacher – Mrs Selena Kurylenko visited her. When Naomi’s mentor entered the room, she quickly exclaimed: “I just cannot wait to get back to school and on stage!”.

Selena Kurylenko sat on the small chair next to the bed. “Naomi. What are you talking about, my silly girl? You are not going back to school, child. After this accident, you will never dance again as a ballet dancer. I only came to bring your stuff and say goodbye.” She said with her thick, Russian accent. Mrs Kurylenko put a small bag on the counter next to the bed. “Your pointe shoes. Keep it as a souvenir.”

Even as a grownup Naomi still perfectly remembered the chills running down her spine on that very moment.  The chills that felt like needles. She still remembered Mrs Kurylenko’s last words: “It’s a shame your mother didn’t tell you that you won’t go back to school. She is a weak woman. Unlike you, Naomi. You are strong. You always have been, and you always will be. You will survive”.

You will survive. Naomi just nodded, said goodbye to Henry and quickly sat inside the car, which had arrived.  The driver asked for the place of destination, but she did not hear him. She hid her face in her palms, and couldn’t help crying. She was so fed up with everyone expecting her to be the strong one.

Suddenly she heard someone knocking on the window, which was followed by opening the car door. She quickly wiped her tears and looked at Henry leaning his shoulder on the opened door.

“I’m sorry, I just needed a moment for myself.” She said to both Henry and the driver.

“Naomi, get your ass out of the car.” Henry turned to the driver “I am very sorry for that situation. Here’s for the drive.” He gave the driver some money. “My friend is a little burned down and it’s better she stayed here. Thank you very much for your service.” Henry extended his hand to help Naomi out of the car. “Come on, get out.”

Reluctantly she went out of the car. The driver was a bit puzzled, but quickly disappeared, probably thinking that the party must have been pretty rough.

Henry raised his eyebrow at her and wrapped his arm around her “Come”.

“Noo.. I’m going home.” Naomi said with a small smile and tried to get out of his embrace. It was more of a tease than a real need to break the embrace of course.

He didn’t let her go and tightened his embrace. He also leaned forward and whispered into her hair: “Don’t push your limit baby girl, daddy will be pissed.” He gave her the strict gaze, but after a split second both of them burst out with laughter.

“This is sooo wrong Henry! So wrong!” She said, shaking her head. She finally got out of his embrace and went inside the house.

They’d been watching the most ridiculous horror movie, and at some point Naomi dozed off on the armchair she was sitting at. She woke up at around 4 am, and with sleepy eyes she looked at Henry, who was lying on his side on the sofa. He must have fallen asleep too. She slowly and silently knelt on the floor in front him and studied his face for a moment. He wasn’t her type, but sure thing he was an extremely attractive man. Naomi smiled at the sight of his curls getting into his eyes. She gently moved a strand of his hair to the side. “Are you sleeping..?” She half whispered. He didn’t react. “Hm.. maybe that’s true what you’ve said in the morning. Maybe I am falling for you after all. Too bad it would never work out though.” She stood up, and covered him with the blanket hanging on the sideboard of the sofa. Afterwards, she called the Uber, and once it arrived, she went home.

[definitelynottony]

“December knows me well”

[I actually finished this before midnight! So consider it a Christmas present. Just really wanted to do a short one shot of them like randomly meeting/one night stand kind of romance. Pretty happy with it actually. It’s soft~] [Ao3]

“Hi there, reservation for Harrington.”

“Just the one key?” The front desk attendant asked. 

“Yup. Just the one." 

"And you’ll be staying with us till the—”

“27th.”

“Okay. Are you aware that there’s a chance of a storm coming in tomorrow night?" 

"No, didn’t hear about it.”

“Okay, if this is a Christmas trip though I need to inform you that we’re cancelling our holiday events. So if you’re here to meet with family or—”

“Nope. No family. Just here for some R&R." 

"But won’t you—”

“Max! Will you just give the guy his damn room key!” A harsh voice called from a room behind the desk area. 

“Right. Sorry, you’re all set Mr. Harrington. Cabin 235." 

"Thank you.” Steve winced at her calling him Mr.Harrington. He was not his father. But he gathered his things from the nosy attendant, tried to see if he could whisper a thanks to the man in the back room for saving him from twenty questions. But he couldn’t see him. 

“You can take the lifts to your cabin. They’re outside to the back. Oh, or you can wait for Billy-I mean Mr. Hargrove, he’ll be heading down to the camp area in a few. You can wait in front for him if you’d like!" 

"Uh, yeah I’ll wait I guess. Thanks again.” The brunette, with his Louis Vuitton suitcase and his Ralph Lauren winter puff jacket, traipsed himself through the lobby. Back through the large gold lined glass doors, under the large chandelier in the entryway; and waited. This place was the Ritz, almost literally. 

Hey, if Steve’s parents weren’t going to be home for Christmas then the least Steve could do was charge the most expensive ski trip he could find to his father’s card. Make up for last Christmas too while he was at it. And his birthday! And so the brunette who dripped in brand names he didn’t care about, except to revel in the fact that it pissed his father off when he’d check his bank statements; flew all the way to Colorado, from Indiana. First class, booked the most expensive hotel his google search generated; ‘Maygrove Lodge’. 

Steve was born into a rich family that cared more about the money they made then him; he was spoiled, sure, but a brat by choice. Steve did have his own job though, paid for his own bills and food; but that job didn’t get his parent’s attention the way spending their money did. So he stood outside waiting for this Mr. Billy Hargrove to come around and drive him down to the cabins, hopefully help him with his bags too. It was a good ten minutes of shaky legs and winter winds, sure, it was a sunny day but still; thirty something degrees was still freezing. But finally the brunette saw the ski-cab driving around towards him. 

“You waiting on a ride to the cabins?” Steve heard the voice before he got a good look at the man driving the cab. It was deep, rough, Steve wasn’t expecting it. 

“Yeah." 

"Need help with those bags?”

“Yeah." 

Steve stood there, eyes plastered to the man trying to get a good look at his face; but he was wearing heavy sunglasses and a thick red plaid jacket. Sherpa lined, blue jeans, buckskin boots. It looked warmer then what Steve was wearing that’s for damn sure. He had nice hair though, short at the sides and long on top. Blonde, it matched the scruff on his face. Jesus, Steve came here thinking he was in for a week of rest but watching the blonde grin at him like that; he wasn’t interested in resting anymore. And the brunette watched as he packed Steve’s bags in the back of the ski-cab,

"Gettin’ in or what?" 

"Oh, yeah. Sorry, thanks." 

The blonde chortled a bit climbing into the cab. Steve slipped into the seat beside him, 

"Man of many words?” He smirked at the brunette starting up the machine. Steve bit his lip around a smile, when was the last time he was this awkward? God he couldn’t remember the last time he had a crush on a guy. Maybe his first semester of college, before he dropped out? 

The ride itself was fun, the cart could go pretty fast especially over the fresh fallen snow. Steve bounced around and laughed when they took the steep bends. The cabins were a few miles from the main lodge. They were private, cost a good extra chunk of money then the rooms available in the hotel. Money Steve was all too willing to spend. 

“Hey, sorry if Max was givin’ you a hard time at check in. She’s almost like a little sister so I give her some slack, but sometimes gets a little too involved in the guests personal lives. Doesn’t understand boundaries." 

"No it’s fine. I mean it is Christmas week, she wasn’t in the wrong. I’m just a weirdo that doesn’t spend it with family.” Steve laughed, quickly wishing he hadn’t just shared that information. “Thank you though, you were the guy in the back?” 

“Heh, you and me both, and yeah I was. But seriously, if she gives ya any more trouble about it, just let me know. I’ll fire her nosy ass.” He laughed, Steve liked his laugh, it was…hot. The brunette shamelessly turned to look at the man driving, he really wanted to see what his eyes looked like. Wanted to just reach over and take the sunnies off of him. But that would be even worse than what he did end up doing,

“You can do that? Don’t you just work here too?" 

And the blonde, Billy, turned his head as he slowed the cab down to a crawl; looked at the brunette with a small sideways smirk. 

"I own this place, pretty boy.”

“Seriously! Shit, I’m so sorry… Mr. Hargrove?" 

"Oh, god, Billy. It’s Billy, Mr. Hargrove is my father” the blonde grimaced. 

Steve couldn’t help but laugh because he always acts the same way when people call him 'Mr. Harrington’. 

“Wait, how old are you?” The brunette questioned, 

“Twenty two." 

"No way! You’re younger than me and own this whole place? How?" 

"Ain’t no secret, just good business. So how old are you?" 

”…Twenty three.“ 

"Really? Face like that thought you were still in high school.” The blonde pulled into a small cul-de-sac of log cabins. It was that hallmark movie kind of perfect looking. But Steve was currently more focused on whether Billy was flirting with him or just stating facts. 

Yeah, okay, Steve has a baby face, peach fuzz for days but like the way the blonde said it…or maybe Steve was just cold and horny? And the brunette must have been staring something awful because the blonde took off those sunglasses; finally. And his eyes were blue, perfectly blue, and his eyelashes were thick; so much so they caste shadows. God, he was tan too! Was it fake? How is someone so tan in the winter? Then he smiled at Steve, 

“We’re here." 

Steve jerked his gaze away, embarrassingly so—

"Wow. It’s beautiful here." 

"Thanks” The blonde huffed out a sigh “I need ta grab some firewood so I can’t help ya to your cabin. You all good?" 

"Huh? Oh! Yeah, no I’m good. Thank you for the ride Billy." 

"No problem pretty boy." 

Steve glanced at the blonde again with a faint smile before sliding out of the cab; fumbling his luggage out of the back. Probably making way too many unnecessary sounds, 

"Sure y'all good?" 

"Yup. Totally… completely…” he huffed, pulling his suitcases up in front of the ski-cab “good." 

Billy laughed again and nodded, hand tapping the steering wheel "alright. Call the front desk if you need anything." 

"Will do." 

"Hope you enjoy your stay." 

"Planning on it!” The brunette shouted over the motor as the blonde was backing out. He was such a dork, but he was cute. 

“Jesus! Why did I pack so much!” Steve whined as he dragged his suitcases up the cabin’s stairs. Of course cabin 235 had to be the one farthest from the pathway. But the brunette was actually surprised as he caught his breath and opened the door; it was decorated for the holidays. There was even a small tree hung with lights near the window. It was warm and cozy, looked more like someone’s home then a getaway spot. 

There were fur blankets sprawled across the couch, food and alcohol stocked. Seriously some first class digs. If this is what seven hundred dollars a night buys you then Steve was considering extended stay options. God, even the bathroom was stocked with brand named shit! He really started to wonder if the last guest just forgot to pack their belongings when he went to the bedroom. The closet was full, which yeah, that’s pretty odd. But Steve has always been a 'live out of the suitcase’ kind of traveler anyways. 

He scuffed his bags into the bedroom before exploring more of the cabin, it was a single level but had a small loft; the kind you have to climb a ladder to get to. There was a large flat screen that hung on the wall, a real wood burning fireplace sat under it. And a white fluffy rug in front of the fireplace. Steve really felt like he was in a Christmas movie, all he needed was some hot chocolate and… well, he wasn’t necessarily picky at the moment but that Billy guy would be pretty nice. 

Guy like him probably isn’t even gay though, probably has women flocking over him, and he’s fuckin’ rich. Not ’my parents are rich’, but like it’s actually his money! Basically owns the whole damn mountain! That’s so hot. The guy is a real go getter, knows what he wanted in life; unlike Steve. Well Steve knows he wants hot cocoa and that guy in his bed, but besides that, no future plans. 

So almost an hour later the brunette was perfectly stretched out over the leather, blankets donned couch. Tv on in the background playing some old Christmas movie he wasn’t paying attention to; hot chocolate in one hand, cell phone in the other. A real twenty first century king if I’ve ever seen one. He’s been flipping through Google, Twitter and Instagram for the last thirty minutes trying to find a Mr. Billy Hargrove; it’s like the guy doesn’t exist. Said for a few articles about the young entrepreneur. 

Blessed with some very noteworthy pictures of the guy. “Jesus.” Steve murmured zooming in on one of the photos. His eyes were seriously blue, and he has freckles that the brunette didn’t notice before. “Shit” he sighed out a laugh, he had to laugh at himself. He just flew four hours to a luxury ski lodge just to jerk off to some guy. Given, said guy was gorgeous, but come on… not that he wasn’t going to do it later. But it was only five pm, he should probably like, eat dinner at the very least before retiring to bed. 

The brunette hopped off the couch and huffed his way into the kitchen area, it was an open concept floor plan; and a modest size cabin, but still more effort than Steve wanted to give. 

“So pasta or… oh my god, no shit, is that caviar? They stock these rooms with caviar! Wonder if they have lobster too!” Steve fanned as he dug into the fridge. 

“Do I even like caviar?” He pondered as he opened up the can, he dipped his pinky finger into it like the gentleman he is. “Nope. Definitely do not like caviar. Good to know.” He shrugged it off putting it back. “Pasta it is." 

And as the brunette made way with his food, dancing to whatever commercial song was on in the living room; a news banner interrupt it. Loud beeping followed by that annoying audio prompt. Something about a winter storm advisory.

Steve paid no mind to it, hell he’d pay someone to trap him inside his little winter wonderland. Let it snow, he thought, which prompted him to sing as he finished with his food. Pooling it all into a large bowl that he knows he’ll never be able to finish, but god damn he’s gonna try. 

After more television, some wine he found in a cabinet and half a bowl of pasta later; the brunette was pretty satisfied with his first night. Five stars honestly. 

It was dark out now, the Christmas tree looked really nice through his slightly buzzed vision. The wine must have been more expensive than what he was use to, or he just drank more than he thought. He pulled himself from the loveseat and made his way to the bedroom. Slinked out of his clothes; the sheets were a deep blue, soft, probably a high thread count. It was so fuckin’ comfortable! God, forget skiing, Steve was staying in this bed for the next five days! 

Feather down comforter pulled up to his chin, he stretched out real good, felt real good; was about to feel even better too. As he slipped his hand under the blanket. As it slid down his body, as he turned his head pressing it down into his pillow. Jesus, even the pillows smell amazing. Like they sprayed them with cologne. Warm, musky, sweet; ”fuck…“ the brunette writhed under his own touch. Closed eyes picturing blue one staring back at him. "Mmhmm” Picturing thick fingers holding him, “shit…ah! God”, tan skin in the middle of fuckin’ December, warm against his. “Fuck.” Full red lips, with that scruff scraping against his thighs “Billy. Mmm-fuck. Billy." 

Did Steve feel guilty about getting off to a guy he just met, that probably had a girlfriend?…Not as much as he felt guilty for dirtying such nice sheets. But all emotions said for euphoria left him as that climax high set in. And then he wiped his hand off on the sheet, turned over and slept. Slept until the sun blinded him through closed eyes, and the brunette shoved his face into the pillow; that pillow that smelt like sex felt. And he hushed out a sleepy moan as he breathed it in. 

"Jesus. I need a boyfriend, or at least a damn hobby.” Messy hair fell into his face as he sat up, stretching arms over head. Desperately in need of a shower too. Didn’t even bother putting his boxers back on as he got out of bed and headed to the bathroom. The hot water helped his hangover, helped his erection too. 

“Fuck, never wanna leave this place.” The brunette feverishly groaned out. 

After he finished dressing he decided that even though it was apparently pushing one thirty pm, it was time for breakfast. Eggo’s seemed like the easiest solution for the brunette. And he settled back into his throne, news warning still at it with the winter storm advisory. 

“Twenty four inches huh? Good. Bury me here!” He threatened the television around a mouthful of waffles. 

Steve put his plate in the sink, leaned over it to look out the window that sat above it. It didn’t look like it was snowing yet, sky was grayish but not threateningly so. He should probably go get some skiing in, considering, but he didn’t really feel like it anymore. “Oh! It’s Billy!” Doe eyes all too excitedly widened, practically yelling; Steve leaned even more over the skin.

“Je-su-s” he moaned biting at his lip, the blonde was wielding an axe. Of course he actually cut the wood himself, he looked like the hottest lumberjack the brunette has ever seen. And considering it’s 2019 and lumberjacks are a dying breed, he is the hottest one Steve’s seen. He has a good pile going, the brunette considered whether he should bring him a drink or something. It would be the kind thing to do right? Totally not a come on, just neighborliness. 

But then the brunette didn’t have to decide, 'cause the blonde lumberjack, with his large wood pile was heading for his cabin. Okay, seriously, if he cut all that wood just for Steve, so he’d stay warm; Steve wasn’t responsible for what happened next. The brunette faltered, almost falling as he rushed to the front door. 

“Hey there!” He beamed as he opened it. 

“Holy shit!” The blonde cursed, dropping some of the logs in surprise. “Jesus Christ, what are you doing here?” Billy asked sharply as he put the rest of the kindle down. 

“Uh, this is my cabin. What are—”

“No, this is my cabin, first of all. Secondly, I meant what are you still doing here?” Billy closed in on the brunette, making Steve step back letting the blonde into the cabin. 

“Oh, yeah no, I know you like own them but this is the one I’m staying in.” Steve chortled. 

Billy leaned up against the counter looking at the other who was still lingering near the door. 

“No, pretty boy, I mean this is my home, my cabin, I live here." 

"Wait. Holy shit you’re serious?" 

"Deadly…” Steve brushed his hair back with a hand as he thoughtfully bit on his lip, decreasing the space between them slowly. 

“Sorry I didn’t know. Pretty sure this is the cabin she said though. I mean the key worked so." 

"Who? Max gave you the keys for this cabin?" 

"Yeah, redhead from the front desk." 

"Damn shithead. She’s so fired!” Billy fumed. 

“Hey! No, it’s no problem man. I’ll just get my stuff and get out of your hair." 

"Yeah, ain’t gonna happen…”

“Steve. Names Steve." 

"Ain’t gonna happen Stevie, I already shut the place down. There’s a blizzard on the way. Evacuated everyone this morning. Fuckin’ Max… goddamn it.” Billy rubbed his forehead thinking about what Max told him earlier before she left. 'Merry Christmas Billy. I put your present in your cabin!’ Holy shit she was a demon child. 

“Wait so like, you and me are the only people here?" 

"I’m speakin’ english ain’t I?” The blonde retorted, 

“Oh… uh, I guess I could just leave?" 

"Already told ya pretty boy, there’s a blizzard headin’ straight towards us. No way in hell i'mma let ya drive in it." 

"Okay. Yeah, you’re probably right. Is it okay if I stay then?" 

"Looks like there ain’t no choice, plus ya already made yourself comfortable.” Billy gestured to the opened wine bottle on the counter, smirking; Steve felt his face flush. 

“Shit, I can’t believe I just raided your house.” He grimaced in embarrassment, 

“You seriously couldn’t tell someone lived here?” Billy huffed out a breathy laugh, intrigued or entertained by the brunette’s sheer ignorance. 

“I mean, just thought it was part of the package.” That earned Steve a full, heavy laugh from the blonde. Billy pushed himself off from the counter and turned heel towards the bedroom. 

“Alright. I’m gonna change cause i’m frozen and then I guess I’ll get us a fire goin’.” The blonde decided. 

“Okay.” Steve agreed, not that he had much of a say, it was Billy house afterall. His house, his bedroom, his bed…bed that Steve just masturbated in, to Billy’s scent. “Shit” the brunette scrunched his face up quickly following the blonde. 

“Billy! Hey-uh…” And as Steve entered the doorway to the room, Billy was staring at his bed. Shit, he knew right. God he could probably smell it, Steve could smell it so Billy definitely smells it. Then the blonde growled, groaned, fuck, wait, was that good or bad? Steve wasn’t sure if the blonde even made the noise. But Billy turned his head to look at Steve, he probably looked like a kid caught red handed. But Billy just smirked, tongue between teeth, 

“A guys has needs right.” That’s what he decided to combat this situation with. That and then proceeded to take off his clothes. 

Oh fuck. Steve was pretty sure he just gasped. Shit, look away, look away, Jesus, he couldn’t. 

Billy was like a God, his skin was so tan, his shoulders were wide and built with muscle. His arms just as strong, fuck; even has those veins running up them. Steve loved that shit. You can see every muscle on his stomach move and bend and stretch as he tugged his layers off. 

“Mhmm” the brunette bit his lip, fuck, yeah that noise definitely just happened. Okay he seriously needs to leave. 

“So, since it is my bed pretty boy, I have the right ta know, what got ya off?” Steve was a deer in headlights for a moment. How did he just ask they so nonchalantly. Like he was asking about the fuckin’ weather! 

“Uh…” the brunette rubbed his head a bit, Billy glanced over to him with an arched brow. 

“Well? Come on ya gotta give me somethin’ Stevie. Was it a porn? Was it—" 

'Smell. It was the smell of the pillows.” Good God! Why did he just say that! Shit! You just blew it Steve, that was the creepiest thing you could have said. Why didn’t you just say yes to the porn! 

“My pillows?” The blonde questioned, walking up to the top of his bed. He reached over and grabbed one, smelt it, smirked up at Steve,

“Smells like me." 

Mayda! Mayday! We’re going down! Steve panicked, 

"Didn’t know it was your bed.” He murmured under his shaky breath. 

“Hey, Steve, it’s all good man. Didn’t know right?" 

"Yeah”

“Did it feel good?" 

"Yeah” shit! He responded without thinking! The blonde snickered and threw the pillow down onto the bed; grabbed a shirt from his closet. Thank god he didn’t have to change out of his jeans! 

“How’s dinner sound? Maybe finish that bottle you started?" 

"Fuck, yes please.” Steve sighed almost too relieved. 

“Mmm. Might wanna keep that dirty talk to a minimum pretty boy, considering.” Billy teased, passing the brunette in the doorway. 

“Sorry.” Steve mumbled as he followed the blonde out to the living room. Billy was already making fast with getting the fire going. On his hands and knees, the brunette stood a little behind him. Tilted his head and just stared,

“Hey!” Billy snapped, like he could feel Steve watching him, “why don’t you make yourself useful and pour me a drink." 

"Yeah! yeah… sorry.” The brunette stepped to it, god he was so embarrassing! If he could only have put this much effort into school he’d probably be valedictorian. 

“Fires goin’” the blonde stated, walking up behind Steve. 

“Cool. Here” the brunette handed him his glass,

“Thanks.”

“Don’t look at his mouth, don’t look at his fuckin mouth Harrington!” Steve sang a mantra in his head while sipping his own glass. Literally looking everywhere but Billy. 

“So, what sounds good fer dinner? It’s Christmas eve after all. Got some lobsters in the freezer " 

"I knew it!” The brunette shouted, Billy leaned back a little, eyes curious; waiting for the punchline. 

“Sorry. Just, last night I said I bet this place even has lobster cause the caviar." 

"You ate my caviar too?”

“Fuck no! That stuff is gross!” Billy grinned amused, 

“Yeah I know, that’s why it’s still in there. Was a gift from someone, forgot who." 

"Some gift”, 

“Tell me about it.” They laughed a bit, then they were kind of just standing there. 

“So, uh, how did you really get into the hotel business?” Steve tried, the blonde smirked put his glass down on the counter and paced over to his fridge. 

“It’s not much of a story really, not like what they write online." 

"Don’t really read much anyways”,

“I uh, I ran away when I was younger. Originally from California, came here with a one way bus ticket. Only ticket I could afford, like it was fate or whatever; if ya believe in that kind of shit.” The blonde’s voice turned warmer as he continued his story. Now filling up a large pot with water, 

“I somehow ended up here, on this mountain. It was just a little rickety ski shack back then, the old man that ran it took me in. Worked for him and eventually took over the place. Kind of built it  from the ground up." 

"Wow…that’s, you’re incredible." 

"Heh. Yeah? Thanks Stevie. Hey grab those for me.” The blonde pointed his head over to the lobsters, Steve scrunched his nose, handed them over to Billy like a kid. Holding them out as far away from himself as possible. 

The blonde shook his head as he grabbed them, 

“They’re dead you know, won’t bite.” He teased. 

“Still freaky seeing them with their eyes and everything… mind if I just wait in the living room?”

“Nope, make yourself at home. Gonna take a while to cook anyways." 

"Okay.” Steve grabbed his glass, the bottle of wine and sauntered himself into the living room. The fire already warmed the whole place up, it smelt so nice, he wished he had a real fireplace back at home too. He sat down on the loveseat admiring the flames, barely noticed the blonde joining him. 

“So what’s your story? I told ya mine, fair is fair.”

“Oh, mine ain’t much of a story actually. Just was blessed with some no show parents. They’re always bailing on me so decided to treat myself instead of mope this year." 

"No girlfriend or—”

“Nope. Single like a pringle…you?" 

"Nah, no family, no girl or boyfriend. Storm or not, I was gonna spend Christmas alone too." 

"Well, glad I get to keep you some company then. We’re kind of in the same boat huh?" 

"Sounds like it." 

Billy smirked at the brunette, who was still caught on the 'no boyfriend’ thing.

Blatantly asking someone if they’re gay is rude right? Something he shouldn’t do. He smiled back to the blonde and decided to down his wine. Getting drunk didn’t really seem like a good idea but it definitely wasn’t the worst idea to Steve. He poured himself another glass and offered the bottle to Billy, who happily topped himself off. It was quiet for a while, said for the fire crackling and the wind outside picking up. It wasn’t really that late but it was already getting dark; probably from the storm. It was snowing like a shaker globe now.

"Should probably check the food.” The blonde stood up and made his way into the kitchen. Steve just watched, he honestly just felt so relaxed that he didn’t even feel like eating anymore. Between the warm fire and the wine, the smell that was radiating off of Billy; he was satiated without the food. 

“Is it done?” The brunette called softly,

“Yeah, just about. I’ll get the plates, we can eat up here on the counter if you want." 

"Whatever’s easier”

“Wanna grab my glass for me?”

“Yeah, sure.” Steve leaned over to pick up the blonde’s glass he put down, fuzzy Steve should definitely not be carrying three glass items at once but he thankfully made it into the kitchen; all of ten steps away, in one piece. 

“Smells good!" 

"Let’s hope it tastes good too.” Billy chortled, Steve took a seat on the bar stool as the blonde set out plates on the counter. 

“So how’s it?” Billy asked sitting beside the brunette now. 

“It’s good, better than a restaurant." 

"That good huh?" 

Steve nodded as he sucked butter off his fingers, it was the blonde that was staring now. The brunette didn’t notice as Billy licked his lips; quickly darting his head down to look at his plate. Lobster definitely wasn’t the sexiest food to eat, but somehow Steve was actually doing a pretty good job at it. Mostly due to the fact that he apparently didn’t believe in utensils. Just cracked the shell and slurped the meat from it. 

Billy readjusted himself a few times on the stool, trying to ignore said noises and eat his damn food. 

"Sounds like you’re havin’ a good time pretty boy.” The blonde attempted but after that last noise Steve just made, Billy couldn’t help himself. 

The brunette swallowed and sighed out a nervous laugh,

“Sorry." 

"No need ta apologize, glad you, really enjoyed it” he grinned. “Alright. I’m gonna go take a shower. You mind doin’ the dishes?" 

"No problem” Steve smiled, stood up and collected their plates. Billy headed back into his bedroom, closed the door behind him.  

“F-u-ck” the blonde groaned under his breath, pawing at the front of his jeans; he’s been fending off an erection for the past ten minutes. “Fuckin’ hell Max, what’s wrong with you?” Billy murmured as he pulled his phone from his back pocket. 

“Thanks shithead. Merry Christmas” He texted her and threw his phone to the bed. Bit his lip for a second before rounding to the side Steve had— 

“Mm goddamn.” He growled as he smelt the brunette dried spunk. Okay, in the blonde’s defense, it was his bed. He could do whatever the hell he wanted. Also he couldn’t remember the last time he had a good fuck; runnin’ a luxury lodge was his first priority. Steve was his type too. Max knew from the minute he walked into the place, she knows Billy too well. They really are like siblings, she was the original owner’s granddaughter; so they’ve known each other now for six years. But this is the first time she’s tried a stunt like this. First time that Billy isn’t going to give her hell for. 

The blonde huffed out a tattered sigh, honestly tempted to lick the sheet; but he wasn’t that desperate. He’ll wait for the real thing. It was pretty obvious the brunette was into him, not unless Billy was just as narcissistic as people tell him he is. But, he was pretty sure Steve has been dropping hints since yesterday. Either way the blonde grabbed a change of clothes, opened his bedroom door again and made his way into the bathroom. Steve looked like he was just about finished at the sink. But Billy didn’t wait to linger. His jeans were too tight now, he started the shower up. striped off his shirt, shimmied out of his jeans, stroked himself a bit before getting in. 

He groaned low under the water, panting as he worked himself. Thought about Stevie’s pretty mouth, how he sucked his fingers, how he’d look sucking on him. “huhh” he sneered, bit his lip trying to muffle himself, “mmm” he moaned. Stood under the hot water for a little while after before getting out. Somehow he felt even hungrier after the shower, hungry for the real thing now. Billy found the brunette sprawled out on the couch when he exited the bathroom. 

“Comfy?" 

"Mhmm.” Steve contentedly hummed,

“Room for two?" 

"Mmhm” The brunette shifted a bit making room and Billy rejoined him. 

“You smell good” Steve tittered, 

“How much wine have you had?”

“Finished the bottle when you were in the shower and then I found your whiskey” he smiled. 

"Did ya now, don’t believe in sharing?" 

"Want some?” The brunette countered,

“Thought you finished it?" 

"Got some left on my tongue." 

…That made Billy groan, deep in his throat,

"Don’t think that’s a good idea pretty boy." 

Steve sat up a bit, closer to the blonde, 

"Why’s that?" 

"Don’t think I could stop with just your tongue." 

"Maybe I don’t want you to stop.”

“You serious 'bout this?” Billy asked firmly but his voice was heavy with want, when did their faces get so close? The blonde could smell the liquor that beggin��� mouth was dripping with. 

“Deadly.” Steve smirked mimicking the blonde. 

“God. You’re a real brat ain’t ya?" 

"Spoiled brat.” Steve corrected. 

Billy snarled diving into a kiss, mouth hot against the brunette’s. Tongue laved whatever remnants of alcohol were left in the other’s mouth. Steve sucked on the blonde’s lip as he caught his breath quickly, crashing back in; pushing Steve down onto his back. Drunk on lust, Billy tongue fucked the brunette till he was a moaning mess. 

Steve’s hands tightly gripping to the blonde’s shoulders. Panting and writhing under Billy, rutting into the knee that was shoved between his legs. Billy’s growls and his warm hand under his chin sent shivers through Steve. But when the blonde pulled back to look at the mess that was Steve Harrington; when the blonde shoved his thumb into Steve’s mouth, when he tossed his head back and groaned as Steve suck it, that’s when the brunette whimpered. 

“Fuckin’ hell Stevie, where you been all my life.” The blonde crooned in the brunette’s ear, earning another whimper from Steve.

“Billy,” he dug his fingers deeper, tugging at the blonde’s shirt. 

“We got all night baby.” Billy lulled him, kissing his way down the brunette’s jaw; down his neck lapping at his collarbone. 

“Want you now, wanna feel you.” The brunette whined,

Billy moaned “such a brat. I’m gonna take care of you, promise." 

Steve melted under those words, under the blonde’s hot breath, under his lips, fingers like feathers touching his skin. Billy worked him slow, they weren’t goin’ nowhere in this weather; no one was coming here. To the blonde they were basically the only people left in the world. He was going to savor it, every whimper, every moan, every cry. 

”Billy" Steve gasped, tugging at the blonde’s hair as he kissed and licked his way down the brunette’s body,

“Right here, ain’t goin anywhere." 

If Billy’s mouth wasn’t exactly what Steve wanted than his words definitely were. It’s like he knows, knows that those words are what he needs to hear. That he’s terrified of how much he’s in love with this moment, terrified that it’s going to end and he’ll be alone again. 

But Billy’s fingers clung onto Steve, like he was afraid of Steve leaving too. And he nuzzled into the brunette’s thighs like a thank you. And when his kiss swollen lips mouthed at Steve’s clothed dick the brunette actually thanked him. Breath shaky and barely there. But Billy just smirked up to those doey eyes. Ripped the brunette pants down to his knees, pulled them off completely. Settled back down, grazing Steve’s thighs with his stubble. The brunette shuttered, writhed with the sensation, practically sobbed when the blonde finally took him into his mouth. 

Steve squeezed Billy’s hand, the hand that had fingers clinging hard to the brunette’s side. The blonde sucked, and licked, and bobbed his head until Steve was close to tears. Begging for more, to let him come, to let him feel Billy too. Billy moaned, eyes closed in complete bliss hearing how bad Steve wanted him. He swallowed the brunette’s spunk when he finally let him cum. Steve all to eagerly dragged him up for another jolting kiss, he groaned into Billy’s mouth as he lapped at the blonde’s tongue. Tasting himself, Billy growled, rutting his throbbing cock down onto the brunette. 

"Fuck Stevie. So fuckin’ good baby. Can’t wait to see you riding this cock. Gonna look so good pretty boy." 

"Billy! Fuck wanna ride you so bad." 

"Get on the floor, right in front of the fire. Gotta go grab lube to grease you up." 

So Steve did, he stretched himself over the fluffy white rug that sat in front of the fireplace. Billy came back as quickly as he left and dropped to his knees. 

"God, you look like a fuckin’ king like that babe.” He crooned taking his shirt off, Steve reached his arms out and Billy met them with a bare chest. The brunette sat up, his mouth kissing and biting the suntanned skin. Billy made the best sounds as Steve bruised love bites all over him. 

“Lay down, gotta open you up.” Billy pressed a slicked thumb against the brunette’s pink hole, rimmed around it, slicking it up real good. Steve left whimpering, sobbing Billy’s name on shaking breaths. 

“Gotta relax pretty boy.” Billy leaned up to kiss him, licked over his lips as he pressed a finger into him. 

“Mmm” Steve moaned against the blonde lips. “More." 

And Billy obliged, slicking a second finger in as he slowly fucked the brunette, scissoring him open. "How you doin’ Stevie?" 

"Fuckin’ perfect” Steve panted. 

Billy grinned, tongue to teeth, “think you can handle another?" 

"Do it.” Steve pushed his hips down giving the blonde a better angle as Billy pressed a third finger in. The brunette gasped, mouth agape,

“Fuck." 

"Okay?”

“Yeah, just don’t move.”

“All you pretty boy”, Billy rubbed his other hand over the brunette’s thigh, Steve took a steep breath before he started to slowly move on Billy’s fingers. 

“God, feels so good Billy” Steve huffed,

“You’re sucking me right in babe.” The blonde licked his lips with hunger. 

Steve choked as Billy started to move again, faster, rougher. 

“Ah fuck Billy! Oh fuck, fuck!" 

"Gonna make you cum with just my fingers baby so when I get my dick in ya your gonna be putty. Gonna be such a beautiful mess for me." 

"Fuck Billy, right there, yes! Just like that. Don’t stop. Fuck. Don’t stop!” And Billy kept pace until Steve was shooting out white ropes all over his pretty stomach. And the blonde moaned, slipped his fingers out of the brunette’s stretched bright red hole and licked his spunk off his belly. Finally getting a taste, fuckin’ hell, he was like water in a desert. 

Steve’s eyes were threatening tears “Billy" 

"Right here Stevie.” The blonde leaned up to look at the doey eyed brunette, he had the cutest fuckin’ smile. Completely blissed out. Billy was so hard in his jeans, needed it; been needing a guy like Steve for a long time.

Steve’s head jerked back, eyes closed tight, hands clinging to the carpet under him as Billy rammed his slicked up cock into him. The blonde panted heavy breaths as Steve was left whimpering. Bill, too impatient to go slow, he was completely taken over by sheer need.

“Oh fuck baby, feels so good inside you. Still so tight" 

"God. Billy, harder, wanna feel you everywhere." 

"Fuck” Billy growled gripping harder onto the brunette’s hips, thrusting deep, so deep into him. Skin against skin, clingy hands searching for something to grab onto, cries and growls and moans,tongue to lips; all of it was way better than any Christmas music they could have been playing. 

“Swear you were made for this cock pretty boy, fits so perfectly.” The blonde moaned “gonna fill you up so good baby." 

”Please. Feels so good Billy.“ Steve cried through hitched breaths, 

"Jesus, you’re so fuckin sweet.” Billy arched down bringing Steve into a kiss, a soft, almost painful kiss. The kind that makes your toes curl and your heart burst. Then he was pulling him up, like the brunette was nothing more than a pillow. In one swift move the blonde sat back on his knees with Steve sitting on him. The brunette with arms around Billy neck for stability and Billy strong arms like steel straps caging him in. 

“God! Fuck, I can feel you in my fuckin’ throat like this.” Steve panted as he started to grind his ass down deeper into the blonde; eliciting a feral growl from Billy. Sharp canines buried into Steve’s pale neck, bruising him up like putting a collar on him. He belonged to Billy now, even if it was just for the night. 

“Come on baby, ride it like ya wanna break me” he groaned, hands fastened tight pushing and pulling Steve until the brunette caught the rhythm. “That’s it Stevie, fuck yourself on this cock. God, you feel so good, oh fuck! Hmm, yeah just like that. ah fuck baby.” Billy crooned and groaned urging the brunette on. Steve gripped to the blonde’s shoulders for leverage, pumping himself up and down; his leaking dick slapping against him with the violent motion. 

“Billy! Fuck, fuck, oh God!” Steve whined as he fucked himself on the blonde, “Kiss me.” He demanded. And Billy did, wouldn’t dream of denying such a pretty mouth. He kissed him hard, the blonde snaked his had to the brunette nape keeping him there. Their mouths linked together, sharing one breath, Billy ate up every moan that escaped Steve. And the brunette came like that, flushed against the blonde, panting with his fingers tightly coiled in the short blonde curls. Billy didn’t last much longer after that with Steve slowly, deeply grinding on him, riding out his organism. The blonde stuttering his hips, filling the brunette with his heat. Hitched breaths were panted as their lips crashed together again, fighting for dominance. 

“That was amazing” Steve laughed out something breathy, still reeling.

“Yeah, you really are Stevie.” Billy looked up at the brunette with a wide grin in appreciation. Steve matched his grin with a fervent smile; pushed the blonde down to the carpet, they wrestled childishly for a moment. Kisses were stolen quickly until the both laid quiet, Steve curled right beside Billy, his leg over the blonde’s and his hand drawing circles in his chest. And they cuddled, warm with the fire, silently enjoying each other. 

“I do.” Steve whispered head nuzzling under the blondes chin. 

“Do what?” Billy matched his tone. 

“Earlier, when you were talking about fate, you said ‘if you believe in that sort of thing’. And I do believe in it.” He smiled, turning his head up to look at the blonde. 

“You sayin’ this was fate, us meeting baby?" 

That dopey smirk crawled back onto Steve’s face, 

"Maybe. Is that stupid?" 

"Jesus, Stevie, you really are sweet, gonna give me a cavity." 

"Shut up.” The brunette giggled out shoving the blonde teasingly. “I’m serious though Billy." 

"Yeah?" 

"Yes." 

"How serious?" 

"Deadly”, 

“Good, cause I’m pretty sure its gonna be just you and meet for the next few days up here. How’s that sound?" 

"Like a dream. Like the best Christmas present I’ve ever gotten." 

Billy chuckled "pretty sure you are the best present I’ve ever gotten pretty boy." 

Steve wiggled his way up to kiss the blonde, nosed his face against Billy’s scruff. 

"Hey." 

"Hi.” The blonde chortled,

“Can I love you?" 

And Billy propped himself to his elbows, brows furrowed and eyes fixed on the brunette,

"You askin’ for permission or askin’ a question?" 

"Permission. I mean just, just until they dig us outta here; till I have to leave. Can we pretend we’re in love." 

"Don’t know if that’s a good idea." 

"Why?”

“Don’t know if I can stop at just pretending.”

“Kiss me.” And the blonde did, couldn’t deny such a pretty mouth, pretty eyes; pretty face. 

“I love you, Billy” he hushed,

“…love you too Stevie." 

[kathyprior4200]

A Tale of Two Shadow Men

 1920s New Orleans was a vibrant place full of jazz, music, and a blending of various cultures. Good food and music were the few things that could bring the rich, the poor and everyone in between together. A few times during the year, like during Mardi Gras, people could forget their ordinary lives and just lose themselves in their minds and in the moment.

 Of course, reality would rear its ugly head once again, and the people would go their separate ways. The rich lived in the well-maintained Garden District, surrounded by mansions, ivy, elegant clothing and luxury. In contrast, the poor and working class gave up many hours to earn enough money just to feed their families. That is, if they were even lucky enough to have jobs. Women and non-white individuals had it worse in comparison to the privileged white men.

 Within New Orleans, there is an infamous tale that nearly everyone knows. One that, at first glance, seems like a myth to frighten children or to keep troublemakers in line. But this tale is aimed not just at children…and it’s all too real. It serves as a warning to anyone who might easily be swayed down the wrong path.

 It is the classic tale of the Shadow Man.

 The Shadow Man in question is Francois Keith Facilier, more commonly known as Dr. Facilier. He is noticeable by his dark brown skin, black mustache, slender build and graceful moves. He wears purple and black and carries a cane. His suave personality and silver tongue could convince many people to believe him. Many individuals thought their wishes would come true after seeing the shady businessman, only to find themselves grow old or hairy or have bad luck follow them around. All the while, Dr. Facilier would smirk and count the coins in his hands. His violet eyes are full of greed, reflecting his selfish nature. Dr. Facilier is notorious for scamming people, making deals, and smooth-talking his way out of almost anything.

 Born June 4, 1880, in New Orleans, Dr. Facilier grew up in a poor household. Due to his background and the constant racism in his life, Facilier grew to be envious of the rich early on in his life. Ironically enough, his mother, Clementine, had royal blood. Her father (Facilier’s maternal grandfather), Louis was a king of New Orleans, making her a princess. Clementine was also royal in that she was a descendent of Marie Laveau, the Voodoo Queen of New Orleans. Clementine was a beautiful black woman who worked tirelessly to help with her son’s future. She had fallen in love with David, her dark-skinned husband. Clementine fell from grace before Facilier’s birth when her lovely estate was ransacked and burned by jealous criminals. She was soon forced to start her life from scratch. She eventually met a chef named David, fell in love and got married to him.

 Interestingly enough, Dr. Facilier’s maternal grandmother was none other than Mama Odie, the blind Voodoo priestess who was born in 1729! (She’s 197 in 1926, older than Marie Laveau) (Mama Odie knew Marie Laveau during her lifetime and they collaborated on magic rituals!) Her expertise in Voodoo magic and spiritual bond with Marie enabled her to live as long as she did.

 Facilier’s parents lived in a poor area near the bayou swamp. Over time, David became alcoholic and distant from his son. He was drafted into World War One and was killed in battle. Single and alone, the innocence that Clementine had was eventually gone. Clementine sought the wealth and luxury she had previously enjoyed. She desired it so much that she went to Mama Odie for guidance. Mama Odie told her that she and Dr. Facilier should enjoy the pleasant modest life they had.

 Facilier used to be in love with a woman (who would give birth to his daughters Freddie and Celia), but she then pursued a wealthy man, making him jealous. Facilier used to use magic for good with Mama Odie but turned to the dark side.

 But a modest life wasn’t good enough for either of them. Not with the daily struggles and up-turned noses from royalty and the better-off.

  Clementine instilled a drive for greed into her son early on. She taught him that life simply was not fair, and that the wealthy whites always got their way. Facilier was upset that those like Prince Naveen and Eli “Big Daddy” La Bouff could enjoy their lives without laborious work or discrimination. Before long, Clementine got so desperate that she went to the dark Loa to seek their aid. They offered her wealth and a chance to start her own business. Soon enough, Clementine was running her own parlor where she read people’s fortunes and offered them their fantasies for money. She even went as far as becoming a mistress to a few of her male clients in exchange for a heap of money and jewelry.

 Facilier learned of her tricks at a young age and she taught him the art of acting and manipulation. For a while, Clementine was content on watching other’s lives dwindle away while she could feel the satisfaction of being recognized and respected once again. (She made sure that those who ransacked her house had eternal bad luck). Like his father, Facilier’s mother also became distant from him, even slapping him when he misbehaved. Her son had become nothing more than a business assistant to her.

 But her new life and magic powers came with a steep price. It wasn’t long before she fell gravely ill. Her skin got wrinkled like a raisin and her hair straggly like old grass. She had misused her powers and the price to pay was her own life. She soon passed away to Guinee and all that was left of her was her shrunken head, which Facilier kept in his emporium. Now the young man was left to fend for himself, with only the knowledge from his mother and the hungry stares of the evil wooden spirits watching him. Despite his mother being abusive, Dr. Facilier still missed her at times.

 Not long after that, Dr. Facilier formed an alliance with the dark Loa, specifically to Baron Samedi and Met Kalfu. The wealthy had insulted him and ruined his life for long enough. He also wanted to continue his mother’s legacy, doing what he did best.

 Why work hard when other people could do the work for you?

  He started to dress and act like Baron Samedi, hosting musical numbers and parties in his name. Grand-Mama Odie tried to reason with her grandson, warning him that getting involved with the Loa would only bring disaster. She also reminded him of the true nature of Voodoo and Hoodoo; a cultural faith based on ancestor and saint reverence. But Facilier just laughed it off, calling her an “old senile mambo.” Facilier was too far gone after being persuaded by the cunning shadows to make a deal. His own shadow (Reilicaf) took a life of its own, reflecting his true emotions and intentions. Mama Odie found peace and connection to the spirits and her snake pet in the swamp, the place she called home. Mama Odie knew that there was no point in fighting him…unless he intended to cause harm to New Orleans. (She was powerful, but she didn’t want to harm her grandson or cause further harm to others. She decided to let him learn his lesson).

 (Possible Twisted Tale book “Almost There” What if Tiana made a deal with Dr. Facilier? by authors Lim, Braswell or Calonita)

 (“Disney Chilled: Fiends On The Other Side” book by Vera Strange)

 AU: Takes place before Princess and the Frog

 Jamal, an African American boy has lived in his twin brother Malik’s shadow all his life. Malik has a fan club, and always gets chosen in science class and gym class. Jamal feels invisible…not even his parents seem to notice him. He doesn’t even enjoy his jambalaya and ice cream. One day, Malik gets a trumpet from his grandmother and Jamal gets a skull necklace with beads and feathers. She leaves him a message that the skull necklace would protect him from the shadows. Jamal misses the bus and hides from Corton and his gang of bullies behind a dumpster. He soon runs into Dr. Facilier who offers him a chance to be popular. The red eyes from the skull glow in warning, but Jamal feels compelled to walk into the emporium. Dr. Facilier presents Jamal with a tarot card showing him proudly holding a trophy. Jamal fails to notice the image of his brother cowering in the shadows. Jamal runs to leave, the voodoo dolls watching him.

 Dr. Facilier torments Jamal with tarot cards, nightmares and shadows coming after him, even Jamal’s own shadow.  Jamal’s grandmother appears in a dark dream, chiding him of his choice. A tarot card reading “Death” appears by his feet. The shadow man arrives to his house one night and demands the necklace in order for him to get his wish. Jamal considers offering something else valuable. With sinking guilt, Jamal steals his brother’s trumpet and gives it to Dr. Facilier. The villain laughs and vanishes.

 The next morning, Jamal finds that his parents don’t remember Malik. He looks and sees pictures of himself being successful at school, instead of his brother. He is class president and has fans asking him to sign yearbooks. He soon finds out that Malik was turned into a shadow, unnoticed by anyone except him and his skater friend Riley. Malik is furious at his brother for stealing his trumpet and being so foolish. Riley says that her grandmother has the same necklace that Jamal has. She leads the group into the bayou swamp where her grandmother lives. But Dr. Facilier sends his dolls and shadows after them. They nearly get eaten by possessed alligators when Riley’s grandmother throws dust to break the spell and save them. In the house, Riley’s grandmother reveals the same necklace that Jamal has. She reveals that Dr. Facilier used to be part of a magical order with her that used magic for good. But then he became fascinated by dark magic and soon tried to stop them. His dark magic killed Jamal’s grandmother, who had hidden under dark veils and wanted to protect her children.

 The dolls burst into the room. Riley and her grandmother hold them off with magic as Jamal and Malik flee. A hurricane forms above them. They enter a clearing and soon are face to face with the shadow man. Dr. Facilier’s shadow arrives and strangles the shadowy Malik. Jamal begs him to let him go but Dr. Facilier demands him to hand over the necklace. Jamal realizes, too late, that Riley and Malik had been his true friends all along. Riley’s grandmother warns that Dr. Facilier will be unstoppable if he gets the necklace. Riley steps in to help with her staff but the dolls pin her down.

 Jamal realizes that if he breaks the necklace, Dr. Facilier will lose his soul. Dr. Facilier then says that if he dies, then Malik will vanish forever, as he is the only one who can reverse the curse. Malik is about to get eaten by Dr. Facilier’s shadow. Feeling pity for his brother, Jamal gives him the necklace in defeat. Dr. Faciler grins and grows taller in power, eyes red. Jamal then demands that he release Malik…only for him to become a shadow as well. Dr. Facilier laughs, saying that he didn’t promise Jamal that he would save him. A hurricane devastates New Orleans and Dr. Facilier briefly becomes a mayor, doing martial law. He is able to make decisions and plans to take over New Orleans. Jamal and Malik remain unnoticed by their parents who live a life without their children. The brothers begin to fade as Dr. Facilier laughs and says, “Now you know what it’s like to lurk in the shadows…forever!”

 Mama Odie eventually breaks the spell and brings down Dr. Facilier’s rule after the city recovers from the hurricane. But Jamal, Malik, Riley and their grandmothers remain dead.

(“Princess And The Frog” by Disney)

 1926

The Loa grant the witch doctor Facilier dark magic and he uses it to swindle the citizens of New Orleans for easy money. He “grants” wishes and poses as a shady businessman. Despite his magic powers, Dr. Facilier still struggled financially and wanted to seize the La Bouff fortune. He plots to use Naveen and Charlotte’s union to seize their fortune. However, if Dr. Facilier failed to properly pay the Loa back, he would lose his soul. Still, he was willing to take that risk.

 At his parlor, he offers Naveen freedom while offering Lawrence a chance to live the life of a prince. He reads their Tarot cards, and Naveen fails to see the green lily pads in the background. Naveen is turned into a frog and Lawrence becomes a copy of Naveen through a talisman. Dr. Facilier planned to murder Eli “Big Daddy” La Bouff as Charlotte and the disguised Lawrence got married, the two villains would then split the money 60-40. Dr. Facilier wanted to become the most powerful man in the city.

 Later on, Dr. Facilier asks for help from his “friends on the other side” after Naveen’s blood runs out from the talisman. Dr. Facilier offers the dark spirits the souls of the citizens as payment, and he soon gains an army of shadow demons to track down the heroes.

 Naveen escapes and grabs the talisman, saving Big Daddy. Dr. Facilier kills Ray and creates an illusion of Tiana’s restaurant to try and persuade her. Tiana breaks free and shatters the talisman. The spirits enter the cemetery and drag Dr. Facilier to the Voodoo spirit world (Guinee) to be tormented forever.

 (“Murder On The Air” by Kathy Prior 42)

(“Hazbin Hotel” by Vivziepop)

 This is where the story of Dr. Facilier should end. He was a man green with envy over the lives of the rich. His desire led him down the path of evil and darkness. He almost had Tiana and New Orleans under his control, but thankfully Tiana, Naveen, Ray, the crocodile and the others saved the day.

 But not many people know that Dr. Facilier wasn’t alone. In fact, there was a second Shadow Man that existed in New Orleans. But who was it?

 The obvious answer would appear to be Dr. Facilier’s shadow. But that’s not the case, despite it being an actual man of shadow. The man was actually a physical man.

  No, it wasn’t the Axeman either, though the other man was a serial killer…perhaps even worse than the Axeman himself.

 Not only did this Shadow Man exist…he was also Dr. Facilier’s younger distant cousin.

 Dr. Facilier had a father and a royal mother, Clementine. Dr. Facilier’s grandmother was Mama Odie. Mama Odie had a twin black sister named Odette, a woman of Native American descent who revered Yemaya. She was also related to Marie Laveau. Odette didn’t live as long as Odie (She lived long due to magic and genetics) but shared her feisty personality. Odette died long before the 1920s but not before she gave birth to a few children after marrying Mathis, a jazz musician. Her favorite child was a girl named Antoinette Loretta Duvalier. She followed in her footsteps, becoming a well-known Voodoo priestess and doing good deeds for the community.

 Antoinette enjoyed her life, but also faced discrimination and a hard job. She was pressured to marry and meet societal expectations. To have a more stable life, she married a white French man, named Armand Louis Moreau, who was equally in love with her. Armand’s parents did not approve of the interracial marriage but Armand pledged his devotion to his wife. The couple then had a French Creole son on January 24, 1896…a boy named Alastor.

 Alastor grew up in New Orleans, raised by his father and mother. As a young child, he was exposed to the wonders of the woods and secrets of the swamp. Although his family was far from rich, he was still able to live a fairly comfortable life. He had short brown hair, brown eyes and medium brown skin. He would often wear glasses, bow-ties and suspenders. Although he, too was jealous that the rich lived better off, little Alastor mostly pursued his passion for music and theater early on. He especially enjoyed all the festive holidays like Mardi Gras, All Soul’s Day, St. John’s Day, Christmas and more.

 As time went on, Alastor started to be bullied by his peers for his heritage and “feminine” interests. It wasn’t uncommon for boys to throw rocks and mud at him, calling him “Chocolate Boy” or racial slurs. They would pour cold water on him, telling him to “wash off.” Playing musical instruments and doing theater were the only good parts about school. Whenever Alastor would get sad, his mother would tell him, “You’re never fully dressed without a smile.” He learned to appear happy and confident as much as possible, after all, “boys don’t cry.” Alastor and his mother were inseparable. Antoinette taught him how to make jambalaya and Creole meals, how to sew Voodoo dolls, do rituals and play music. They would dance together to the gramophone. In contrast, Armand wanted Alastor to get into more “masculine” interests like sports, hunting and girls. But Alastor wasn’t interested in anyone as he grew up. Alastor got through the days by working hard and smiling like he had no care in the world. Louis Armstrong and his mother were his lifelong role models. He was a happy, go-lucky kid who respected his ancestors and rolled along with life.

 But events built up over the years that would led to a traumatic event. Armand grew tiresome of Alastor, even calling him a “mixed bastard of sin.” Armand went to church more and felt more pressure to conform from his parents. He started hitting and beating Alastor whenever he misbehaved. He would chide his wife for not having the house clean enough or for not having dinner ready. Alastor learned hunting and taxidermy from his father, and also how to shoot a gun. But aside from hunting trips in the winter, their relationship was distant and strained.

 One fateful night around ten years old, Alastor caught his father hooking up with another woman behind his mother’s back. Furious, Armand stomped into Alastor’s room and proceeded to molest the little boy. Alastor’s mother came in to comfort him and wash him up, but Alastor was adverse to touch ever since. Antoinette couldn’t do anything, as Armand was the head of the household. To the delight of Armand’s parents, Armand declared his divorce to Antoinette, where he would take most of their stuff and leave Antoinette and Alastor in poverty. After beating his son, Armand was about to rape his sleeping wife to “teach that whore one more lesson.” But before he could, Alastor snapped. With shaking hands, he takes a riffle and shoots his father square in the chest. This startles Antoinette awake. Alastor quickly hides the body outside and Antoinette never knows what he did.

 Alastor grew up and completed school. As a teen, he collected bugs, swam in the creek, befriended gators, hunted and hiked. He also enjoyed the Picture Show, going to as many shows as he could. He began to smoke and explore more death-related rituals and the dark Loa. His also let his dark brown hair grow long, up to his chin.

 In 1912, Alastor witnesses the Titanic sinking in the newspaper. A hurricane arrives in New Orleans, but Alastor and his family rescue other people and recover. Alastor decides to let a cruel policeman drown instead of helping him.

 World War One arrives and Alastor is drafted. While there, he witnesses his comrades die next to him. He is part of the team that operates radios for communication. After returning home, his interest in radios increases and he begins crafting his own.

 Sadly in 1918, the Spanish Flu occurs, resulting in the death of his beloved mother. No doctors are willing to help. A heartbroken Alastor is left to bury his mother in the cemetery next to his grandmother. In a fit of rage, Alastor kills criminals at night in disguise, earning him the Vigilante title. Alastor was no longer connected to his ancestors, his Voodoo magic turning Petro red. Alastor trailed down the dark path, leading him to practice the stereotypical evil Voodoo portrayed in media. He even began placing curses and hexes on people, wearing alligator teeth on a necklace.

 Soon, it was just him and a life of poverty. Alastor nearly commits suicide in 1920, but comes across Dr. Facilier at his emporium. Both of them find out they’re cousins and they pursue music, wine, cooking and dark magic together for several months. Facilier then reads Alastor’s fortune and attempts to steal what was left of his money. Facilier promises him a better life with wealth and less grief. Alastor agrees to his deal.

 Met Kalfu, Baron Samedi and Furfur embed Alastor with powerful Eldritch magic to use in the afterlife should he win. (But these Loa weren’t the traditional Papa Legba, Kalfu and the others Alastor had revered in the past. These beings were pure evil.) In order to assure his powers, they tell Alastor to offer human souls to them, which he eventually does. His powers would increase, the more souls he collected. Alastor’s faith and heart breaks as he loses his connection with the genuine Loa and the saints of his youth.

 Alastor offers his soul, afterlife powers and money to Dr. Facilier and the Loa if Dr. Facilier is able to achieve his goal of being wealthy and powerful. But if Facilier fails, then Alastor gains Dr. Facilier’s powers and servitude. Both men shake hands, along with their sentient shadows. There was another factor to the deal: The man who dies first would automatically lose. Alastor quickly leaves before Dr. Facilier gets any ideas.

 The luck magic, coupled with hard work, enables Alastor to be a bandleader and gain fame for his work. Per agreement, Alastor gives Dr. Facilier some of his money to continue his dark work. The intrigued CBS arrive to interview Alastor about his performances in 1920. They hear of Alastor’s expertise in fixing radios and creating a crystal radio set of his own. Alastor is eventually interviewed and hired as a radio DJ in a low-class position. Playing the same songs soon got boring. Alastor didn’t put the effort into his music only to be stuck with more racism and a lower status. The higher ups were loudmouths standing in the way of his goal.

 So he decides to eliminate them instead.

 Alastor would soon be known as the greatest radio host in the city…and the Louisiana Lunatic serial killer. He takes great care to avoid the Axeman, and even writes a similar letter that he made, telling people to play jazz at night.

 1920s

The Roaring 20s begins, the peak of Alastor’s life. He basks in wealth and fame, drinking liquor, bitter coffee, and flirting with women. He meets flapper performer Mimzy who quickly becomes his best friend. Mimzy falls in love with Alastor but he doesn’t feel the same way. They nearly have sex but Alastor refuses. Mimzy wants to marry Alastor and go on extravagant tours around the world. But Alastor prefers peace and quiet in the wilderness. Mimzy is saddened at this but they still remain close friends, performing and dancing together.

 Mimzy accidentally drinks a poisoned drink set by Alastor that was meant for a womanizer rapist he was watching. He is heartbroken over his friend’s death. He doesn’t want to be tied down and he thinks his sexuality is something that is wrong with him. (The term asexuality didn’t exist and he remembers when his grandparents suggested he be put in an asylum).

 During the Roaring Twenties, Alastor begins his killing spree of racist men, rapists, and criminals. He is called the Vigilante and the Louisiana Lunatic and kills his victims in various ways. Guns, knives, axes, traps, and fire were some of the many tools he used. Alastor spares women and children.

 Alastor flirts with women and manipulates them because it’s fun to do. People who made deals with him often found their money stolen by him. Many women are charmed by Alastor but Alastor doesn’t get intimate with any of them. He enjoys dancing with women and being on stage. Alastor lavishes in wealth, buying new red suits and top hats, a fancy red car and a microphone cane with golden deer antlers.

 On the radio, Alastor tells dad jokes (especially radio-themed ones) and describes the deaths of his victims in detail. No one suspects that he is the killer until much later. Alastor also pulls pranks on people for fun (thumbtacks, kick me signs, soap in drinks, whoopee cushions, plastic doorways). Before the end of every program, he plays his favorite song, “You’re Never Fully Dressed Without A Smile.”

  1926

(The events of “Princess and the Frog” take place.)

Dr. Facilier’s shadows capture 30 year old Alastor and Dr. Facilier steals some of his stuff. Dr. Facilier mocks him and says that he’ll get to watch all of New Orleans fall. Facilier grins at the thought of being all powerful and watching the Loa steal Alastor’s soul. Alastor is shocked by the betrayal and his cruelty. Before Dr. Facilier can kill his helpless cousin, the shadows arrive with the frog Naveen. Alastor uses the distraction to escape. (Alastor couldn’t bring himself to kill his cousin). Dr. Facilier is dragged into the Voodoo spirit world by the Loa after failing to keep the talisman intact. A victorious Alastor grins as his cousin is dragged away screaming. Alastor is more than happy to announce his death on the radio.

 The other Axeman’s letter:

Hell, 1929

Esteemed Mortal of New Orleans: The Louisiana Lunatic

 They have never caught me and they never will. They have never seen me, for I am invisible, even as the sound waves that surround your earth. I am not a human being, but a demon from the hottest hell. I am what you Orleanians call the Louisiana Lunatic. Down here, I’m the inevitable Radio Demon.

When I see fit, I shall appear and claim other victims as I see fit. I alone know whom they shall be. No clues will be left behind, save for what you might hear on the next broadcast.

Tell the police and the racist, elite scum of the world to beware. Let them try not to discover who I am, for it’d be better for them not to have been born than to incur the wrath of the Louisiana Lunatic. You’ll have a deer in the headlights look and won’t have any idea what hit you until after it’s too late.

Undoubtedly, you Orleanians think of me as a monster and murderer. But if I wanted to hurt anyone else here, I would have done so already. If I wished, I could pay a visit to your city every night. I could kill every one of your best and worst citizens, for I am in a close relationship with the Shadows of the Other Side.

At 6:06 pm next Friday night, I am going to pass over New Orleans and then visit those in Hell. I am going to make a little proposition to you people. Here it is:

I am very fond of jazz music, electro swing, and jambalaya. I swear by all the Loas and deities that I will spare those who can provide me with some great entertainment when I visit. Word of warning, I can read you people like a book, and see into your very souls. Anyone foolish enough to challenge me will have their corpses consumed and their screams muffled by the lovely sound of jazz bands jamming the night away.

I have been, am, and will be, the worst spirit that ever existed in fact, fantasy, or the realm of Hazbins.

Smile and stay tuned!

  1929

The Great Depression comes into effect as well as the Stock Market Crash of 1929. Alastor enjoys reading about the chaos in the newspaper. People frantically sell their stuff and beg for jobs and money. He also enjoys seeing the orphans suffering homeless in the streets as it reminds him of his better off status. He also finds children annoying and undisciplined, a leftover trait from his father.

 But soon, things take a downward turn. Alastor begins to lose money and food, his former glory days over. Alastor hoards radios and radio furniture in his house. He grows bony thin and his eyes have bags under them. Alastor grows unhealthy due to lack of food, and (almost!) resorts to cannibalism. He also fears losing his radio audience due to the prospects of TV. He meets Russian born Vincent (Vox), an ABC broadcasting company CEO who taunts him for his race and career. They get into a fight but victorious Vox leaves, saying to him that his days are over.

 Alastor becomes depressed, cutting into his skin for rituals or just to taste his own blood…to feel something. His self-inflicted cuts add to the scars on his back and body from his dad and struggling criminals.

  1929

Alastor finds an abandoned baby in a dumpster and briefly takes care of her. The Japanese baby is Nerissa Nefuti, also known as Niffty. Niffty is placed in an orphanage where she gets adopted by a picture bride and her husband, who travel to their home in California.

 1933

Alastor becomes more careless with his killings, and is soon discovered by police in 1933. The police sends dogs after him, a German Shepard, a Pit Bull, and a hunting Black Lab dog. As he runs, he is bitten by a rabies infected dog in an alley. Alastor races through the snowy woods, experiencing painful headaches, and hallucinations of drowning and his parents being killed as deer. The police dogs bite at his legs but he shakes him off and runs some more.

 A deer hunter spots him, thinking he’s a deer at first. He is fearful and disgusted by the madman who rushes at him head on. The hunter is Vox’s friend and Vox smirks. Alastor’s insane eyes beg the hunter to finish him off, as he didn’t want to be arrested. The hunter almost shoots him but finds he can’t do it. Vox then shoots Alastor between the eyes and his body falls. (Video Killed the Radio Star). The dogs bark and maul at Alastor moments before the gunshot. The police arrive and see the hole in his forehead, his glazed eyes, bloodied clothing and frozen smile. Alastor’s body is promptly burned, his belongings destroyed and his radios given away to an antique shop. His death is announced on his own radio station by none other than Vox before it, too, is done for. Many of his fans are saddened but the majority of New Orleans is relieved that the killer is gone. Vox is hailed as a hero before he returns to his job in another state.

 Think that’s the end of Alastor’s story? Think again!

 (“Hazbin Hotel” by Vivziepop)

 Alastor arrives in Hell and becomes a red deer-like demon with sinister red eyes. With his human memories still intact and his new powers granted to him, he soon terrorizes Hell and broadcasts his massacres on the radio. This earned him the title of the Radio Demon. His shadow (Rotsala) had a life of his own, behaving much like Dr. Facilier’s sinister shadow sidekick. Alastor also has a microphone staff that allows him to broadcast anywhere in Hell. Alastor, too has singing friends on the other side.

 (Dr. Facilier eventually becomes a snake demon and Alastor’s helpless slave in Hell. The Loa in Guinee decide to further torment him by sending him to Hell’s greatest tormentor, Alastor. Dr. Facilier gets further humiliated when his younger cousin tortures him and reminds him that he now has his powers. Hence how Alastor became a “ripoff” of Dr. Facilier.)

 His parents are different as well. His father Armand became Neleus, a cruel black dog demon with large antlers. (Referencing Alastor’s fear of dogs and his father) His mother Antoinette became Poena, a humanoid red doe who can travel between Heaven and Hell.

 (The events of the Alastor Prequel Comic and the Hazbin Hotel Pilot Episode take place.)

 Alastor strolls around Hell, flirting with Victorian women and indulging in the act of cannibalism, thanks to his mentor Rosie. Alastor protects women from evil men but also doesn’t like strong-willed women who disagree with him or break the old societal standards. He reunites with Mimzy and they share a dance. Vox becomes a ruler over television, becoming Alastor’s powerful rival. While Vox seeks power through evolution, Alastor is content to be stuck in the past. (Alastor hates Vox, not just because of their differences in technology). Vox was also Niffty’s abusive husband.

 Alastor makes deals with the cleaning cyclops Niffty and the alcoholic cat demon Husk. Both of them protect Alastor and do tasks for him in exchange for safety and comfort. Everyone runs away at the sight of him, leaving him with no real companions. (He misses his mother dearly, and will do anything to reunite with her). Alastor grows to dislike people in elite authority positions, and finds it hard to express his true feelings to anyone.

 Feeling bored and lonely over the decades, Alastor seeks out a new form of entertainment. Alastor knows that Vox could overpower him easily if he doesn’t seek new alliances. Alastor witnesses Charlie, the princess of Hell on TV talk about her plan to redeem sinners by opening up a hotel. It is her hope that demons can become better individuals so they can go up to Heaven and be safe from the yearly exterminations that take place in Hell. Alastor visits said hotel and offers to help. He meets Charlie’s girlfriend Vaggie, and Angel Dust, one of the hotel clients. Alastor fixes up the hotel with his magic and summons Niffty and Husk to his aid. He almost convinces Charlie to make a deal with him. Charlie instead orders him to help her out. The two share a dance before Alastor protects the hotel from another villain. Everyone knows that Alastor is up to no good, but Charlie decides to give him a chance.

 So there you have it: the two Shadow Men of New Orleans were once innocent boys who each wanted freedom, love and better lives. Alas, their choices along with their circumstances made them the popular shady showmen they are to this day. Is it unknown if these men can be redeemed or if they even want to at all. The two tales merge into one, with the most disturbing message of all. We all have shadows inside of us, and sometimes it doesn’t take much for a person to turn evil. Whether it be a slimy snake in the shadows or a dancing demonic deer, one can never be too careful when dealing with the darkness.

[paigenotblank]

The Woman in the Fireplace

Pairing: Ten x Rose

Rating: General Audience

Tagging: @doctorroseprompts for a few prompt fills including angst and GitF fix-it from a while ago.

AO3  TSP

Pushing buttons and spinning knobs, the Doctor twirled around the console as he brought the TARDIS into the vortex. He glanced at Rose who had her arms crossed and her lips pressed tightly together.

She wouldn’t look at him.

“Can you show Reinette where the bedrooms are?”

Rose’s jaw dropped and if looks could kill he rather thought he’d be in the midst of a regeneration.

He snapped his eyes to Mickey and grinned. “Mickey? Once she’s settled we’ll go somewhere brilliant.”

“What? Me?” Mickey’s gaze slid to Rose. “Oh, erm, sure, Boss.” He gestured for Reinette to follow him.

She cleared her throat and dropped a meaningful glance at her bag.

Mickey rolled his eyes, but leaned over and picked up her things. “This way.”

The tapping of Reinette’s shoes on the grating couldn’t drown out the beginnings of the row starting in the control room.

“What? Why’re you looking at me like that?”

“Seriously? Not even an inkling, Doctor?”

“Just say what’s bothering you.”

“I thought I...I thought this was my home too.”

“What? Of course, it…”

Mickey sighed and walked Reinette farther into the ship. After a few twists and turns Mickey arrived a series of doors. “Guest rooms, pick the one you like best.”

“And which of these is the Doctor’s room?”

“The Doctor’s room?”

“My suite should be near his in case he has need of my service.”

“Erm, I don’t know where the Doctor’s room is, not even sure he has one. Rose’d probably know.”

Reinette tapped her chin. “Well, I normally prefer my privacy, but I suppose he could visit me in my room. Is that his arrangement with Rose?”

Mickey stammered. “I don’t...that’s...uh, I don’t know!”

“Very well, I’ll ask her later. It’s always better for everyone when the mistress and the advisor are on harmonious terms.”

“Erm. Just pick a room, then I’ll show you how to get back to the Doctor.”

--

The Doctor strode out of the TARDIS and turned back toward the door with a smile. He held out his hand and waited for daintily placed fingers to grasp his own. He steadied Reinette as she stepped through the TARDIS door and down onto alien terra firma for the first time. She stopped short and gasped at the light lavender sky, hands fluttering to her chest. Rose sighed and brushed passed the elegantly dressed Frenchwoman. Mickey followed quickly behind her.

The Doctor rocked back on his heels. “Welcome to Lupacund. Home of the Seven Waterfalls of Splendor. Each fall contains a different colored phosphorescent bacteria that creates a rainbow when they mix in the plunge pool.”

“Oh, but that sounds exquisite!”

The Doctor offered Reinette his arm, and with a smile she placed her hand at the crook of his elbow. Rose’s eyes narrowed at Reinette moving as close to the Doctor’s side as she could given her full skirts as they headed down the narrow path. Aware of Mickey’s smirk, Rose squared her shoulders and stalked after the Doctor and Reinette.

“Oh, ho.”

Rose glared at her friend who was biting his lip in glee. “Don’t say it, Micks. If you want to live, don't say it.”

“Who me? I ain't sayin’ nuffin’ ‘cept maybe, ‘I told ya so.’”

“Mickey!” Rose punched his arm.

“Nah, Rose. You need to hear it. He's a bloke like the rest of it. No better, even though he likes to act all smug and superior. Moved his mistress in right under your nose. You don’t deserve that, do ya?”

Rose pushed past Mickey with her head down and moved further down the path ahead of the Doctor and the Frenchwoman.

Mickey tried to catch up to Rose, but she just moved quicker.

“Babes! Come on! Don't be like that.”

Reinette turned to the Doctor. “Lover’s quarrel? I thought-”

“”What? No! They’re not...no!”

Her eyes darted between the two other humans. “Hmm.”

“What’s that mean? What ‘hmm?’”

Reinette watched as Mickey chased after Rose. “I’d wager he was once and that he’d like to be again.”

The Doctor’s voice squeaked, “No...just no. He...she…” He sighed. “I don’t know.”

Reinette slowed and studied the Doctor. “You’re jealous.”

“I most certainly am not.”

She patted the Doctor’s arm. “It’s okay, he may wish to be her lover, but I’ve seen the way she looks at you. You have nothing to worry about.”

“She doesn’t...I...we’re not like that.”

“She’s not your mistress?”

“What? No! She’s not interested in me like that.”

Reinette threw back her head with laughter. When she had quite recovered herself, she glanced slyly at the Time Lord. “Doctor, I’m the French Court’s foremost expert on matters of the heart. I, Jeanne Antoinette Poisson, a woman of humble birth, secured for myself a marquessate and the most honored position as lady-in-waiting to my Queen. And if that wasn’t enough, I also hold the ear and the heart of the most powerful man in France. I accomplished all of that by using my faculty in reading others. I think I know of what I speak.”

“But I...that’s...that’s the French Court. Rose is different. She’s...she’s not for me.” He glanced longingly up the path. “She deserves better.”

Reinette once again placed her fingers upon the Doctor’s arm as they continued onward. “People are people, whether they’re at Court or the streets of Paris or traveling the stars in a little blue box. If you desire her, then I will help you get her between your sheets.”

“What? I don’t...I mean...but...why?” The Doctor tilted his head and wrinkled his forehead. “Why would you help me? I thought you fancied me with the way you kissed me earlier.”

Reinette looked at the Doctor in confusion. “Kissed you?” Her eyes widened. “Oh my! Doctor, that was more than 20 years ago. I was 16 and feeling my oats. Presented with the hero of my childhood, well, I couldn’t help myself. Granted you’re still a handsome and powerful man, but those days are behind me. I have not put the cutlery away for anyone in quite some time.”

“Huh?”

“Sex. I thought you knew that? I stopped actively being the king’s mistress nearly a decade ago, though I still retain the title of maîtresse-en-titre. My health is simply not up to it, and Louis accepts that I find other women for him to share his bed with. At one time I made a very good, some might say, ‘excellent,’ bed partner, but these days I make an even better friend and advisor.”

“Ah. Erm, I’m sorry?”

“Sorry?” She rolled her eyes and huffed. “What a typical masculine response. What is there to be sorry for? I have a life many desire and it is of my own making. I am highly sought after for my guidance and valued for my cleverness. How many women can say that? No, I’m very happy to be where I am.”

“Right. Sorry.” He quickened his pace. “Come along, the falls are just ahead.”

--

Rose leaned over the railing and watched the different colors coalesce in the plunge pool. It was one of the most beautiful sights she’d ever seen, but she couldn’t enjoy it. Her mind was racing with thoughts of the woman who had captured the Doctor’s complete attention. Each astute observation, each brief touch on the arm, each tinkling laugh drew the Doctor’s eyes and fascination. Rose felt as though she was being swept away by the tide, moving further and further from the Doctor with no hope of ever surmounting the ground that was lost.

Reinette was one of the most accomplished women in history and what chance did Rose have in competing with that? It didn’t help that she was also brilliant and beautiful. She looked at the older woman, dressed in the most extravagant dress Rose had ever seen - all shimmering gold silk, edged in lace, and dripping with pearls. It even had a row of bows that ran from chest to waist, each dotted with tiny diamonds. It truly was a gown fit for a queen, uncrowned or not.

Rose looked down at her ratty trainers and hated herself just a bit for feeling bad about them. She squared her shoulders. She was Rose Tyler, best friend of the last Time Lord, and fine...he might never love her the same way she loved him, but at least if they had to run for their lives, she knew she’d be able to make it back to the TARDIS in one piece.

“Well?”

Rose was startled out of her musings by the Doctor’s question. She hadn’t even heard him approach and caught sight of Reinette speaking with Mickey out of the corner of her eye. “Sorry? What?”

The Doctor leaned back against the barrier and swept his arm toward the waterfall with a smug grin. “What do you think? Impressive, yeah? A great first trip for Reinette.”

“Yeah.” Rose tried to plaster a smile onto her lips, though she wasn’t sure how successful she was if the Doctor’s confused frown was anything to go by.

She pushed passed him and headed for the trail that would take her down the hill and away from the suffocating sorrow that threatened to overwhelm her.

“Rose?”

She ignored his question and ran until her lungs burned.

--

Twenty minutes later, Rose heard a rustling and jumped up from her seat at the base of a large tree. She brushed the dirt from her trousers and stood expecting to see the trio she’d left behind. It was a few minutes later before they came bursting, laughing and smiling, into the clearing to where Rose waited. When they noticed her standing quietly, their laughter died down.

Rose’s face burned in mortification and her gaze dropped to the ground. “Hey.”

“Rose, is everything-”

“Yeah, it’s fine. Sorry, can we not talk about-”

Reinette screamed as a group of native Lupacundiens burst from the brush and surrounded her and Mickey with spears. The wolf-like humanoids stood upright and wore loincloths, but were covered head to toe with fur.

The Doctor tensed, his eyes darting between Rose and Reinette.

The largest of the Lupacundiens lifted the bottom edge of Reinette’s gown with his spear. “You’ve enough wealth here to feed our pack for years. Give it over or come with us.”

“Oi! Didn’t anyone ever teach you it’s rude to take what don’t belong to ya?”

All eyes turned to Rose at her outburst. When the members of the pack took notice of her, their eyes widened and they sniffed the air. Several of them stepped back and away from her, while others dropped to their knees.

The Doctor used their distraction to siddle closer to Reinette. His movements didn’t go completely unnoticed and the leader dragged his eyes away from Rose to pin the Doctor in place. He lifted his spear toward the Doctor’s throat, and Rose, brave and impulsive, pushed the Doctor back as she jumped in front of him. The spear’s tip punctured her shoulder, before the Lupacundien could draw it back. She looked down at the tiny bead of blood in shock. Her eyes rolled back in her head as she collapsed in a heap on the ground.

Everyone froze.

“Rose!” Mickey was the first to rush to Rose’s side.

The Doctor’s eyes filled with rage and gave everyone a glimpse of the oncoming storm. “She’s not the sort to faint at the sight of blood. What did you do to her?”

The leader of the pack stepped back and away, shaking his head. “Nothing!”

“You must’ve done something!”

“We rub the tips of our weapons with lybb, but it’s harmless. Just meant to bring luck to the tribe on our hunting trips.”

“Lybb? What’s that?”

He pointed to the plant that was scattered in abundance around the forest.

The Doctor plucked one from the vine and smelled it before touching it to his tongue. He mentally broke down the leaf’s chemical composition. “Barconitine. It’s poisonous to humans. If anything happens to her-” He took a step forward.

“Doctor!” Mickey sat cradling Rose’s head as she started convulsing.

The Doctor leaned down and felt for her pulse - it was beating erratically under his fingers.

The natives fled the moment he turned his back.

The Time Lord scooped her up into his arms and ran full tilt toward the TARDIS.

--

The Doctor had stopped the bleeding and healed the small puncture left behind by the spear tip. All he needed to do now was keep Rose hydrated and alive until he could find an antidote to the poison currently coursing through her system. The Doctor moved around the med bay looking for anything that would neutralize the effects of the barconitine.

He ran across the room to the long row of cabinets and, flinging open the doors, he pulled out row upon row of chemicals.

His eyes darted over all glass phials lined up on the counter. He ran his hands through his hair and spun around in a circle. “Where is it? Where is it? Where is it!”

The TARDIS monitor began blinking with a photo of plant found native to this world.

“Hey, Boss?”

“Mickey! I need to go back into the forest and look for that plant.” He pointed at the screen. “It should save Rose.”

The younger man warily eyed his listless friend. “I don’t know if that’s such a good idea-”

He boggled. “Saving Rose?”

“Oi! That ain’t what I mean. It’s just...what if something happens while you’re gone? I don’t know how to use any of your fancy equipment in here. Let me go look for the plant, so you can watch after Rose.”

The Doctor scoffed. “I have an eidetic memory. How will you find the right one?”

Mickey crossed his arms and glared at the other man. “Fancy time and space ship an’ you’re tellin’ me this thing doesn’t have a printer?”

The lights flickered at the insult.

“Right! Fine! But you’ve gotta hurry. It’s a...a miracle she’s still alive as it is. The longer it’s in her system, the- Just hurry.”

“You got it.”

The Doctor dashed to the monitor, his fingers flying over the keyboard. In no time at all, a photo of the plant he needed Mickey to find was printing out. He pressed it into the other man’s chest. “Go. Please, and-”

“Hurry. I know. She’s my best mate. I won’t let ‘er down.”

The Doctor decided to use the time he had waiting to put together the rest of the serum. With one last glance at Rose, he moved to his work space and began mixing ingredients.

--

“Mickey.”

He turned at the sound of his name. Reinette stood from her place on the jumpseat. “Sorry, Can’t talk. I gotta go find this plant for the Doctor.”

“Let me come with you.”

“It’s not safe. You saw what happened to Rose.”

“She saved my life. Let me help save hers.” With Mickey prevaricating, she pushed the point. “It’ll be faster with us both looking.”

His shoulders drooped and he nodded. “Yeah, alright, fine. But you listen to me. If I say ‘run,’ you run.”

“Very well.” Reinette held out her hand to Mickey and he looked at it for a moment before shaking it.

Reinette tilted her head at the motion and when he released her hand she placed it on the crook of his arm.

The two made their way through the forest keeping their eyes open for the miracle plant.

They’d reached a clearing and the both of them were on their knees searching through the brush. A rustling noise had Mickey jumping to his feet and stepping in front of the Frenchwoman.

A little grey-furred, stoop-shouldered woman walked into the glade and stopped short at the sight of the two off worlders.

Reinette calmly got to her feet and curtsied to the elder. “Madame, our friend is in trouble and we desperately need to find this herb.” She grabbed the picture from Mickey and took a step toward the older woman.”Might you know wh-” Mickey grasped her upper arm, halting her. “Please, remove your hand from my person.”

“We don’t know if she’s dangerous.”

Reinette shook Mickey off of her arm and continued to the other woman’s side. “Forgive him. Our friend was attacked and he’s a little on guard.”

“Oi! What did I say about listening to me? This is me sayin’ ‘run.’”

The wolf woman turned her cloudy-blue eyes on the golden-haired foreigner. “You are friends of the Lupa-Ca?”

“Lupa-Ca? I don’t...I don’t know what that is. Mickey?”

He shook his head.

“Lupa-Ca is one touched by the Blessed Wolf Mother. Your friend has something of the wolf about her.”

A shiver ran through both Reinette and Mickey at the words.

“That’s real nice an’ all, but our friend, Rose, is lyin’ dyin’ on a metal table, unless we can find this plant.”

“Please, madame, is there anything you can do to help us? I can pay.” Reinette ran her hand over the bodice of her dress. “This gown is worth a king’s ransom. It’s what the pack was after when Rose was hurt. I’d gladly give it to you for your aid.”

The wolf’s eyes glinted. “I will help you, but only for the Lupa’s favor. The gown however you can give to the tribe for safe passage during your stay. Come along.”

The old woman began shuffling along a path headed further away from the TARDIS.

“Eh, grandma. Where’re you takin’ us?”

Reinette elbowed Mickey in the ribs and glared at him.

“I have what you seek in my home. We must go to the village. The Golden One can negotiate your safety with the pack leader.”

“We don’t have much time.”

“Then you’d best stop wasting it, eh? Either you come or you continue looking on your own. But I will tell you that plant only grows on one tiny patch of land sacred to our Goddess. It is land protected by the pack. I wish you the best of luck in acquiring it.”

Reinette hissed under her breath, “Mickey, apologize.”

The old woman’s ears twitched and she smirked.

Mickey flushed and mumbled. “Sorry. Lead the way.”

--

The Doctor jumped to his feet as every alarm in the medbay began screaming. He dashed to check Rose’s vitals on the monitor. Her heart rate and blood pressure were plummeting. He gazed frantically around the room eyes searching out something, anything, he could use to save her.

Her tugged at his hair. “Stupid, stupid, Doctor!”

He ran to the cupboard where he’d last seen a 31st century defibrillator and started digging through it.

While the Doctor’s back was turned, Rose back arched and a soft golden light began shimmering along her skin. Her mouth opened and with a gasp, glittering particles were expressed into the air and absorbed by the coral struts along the perimeter of the room.

She inhaled and crumpled back onto the table.

The sudden quiet of the alarms had the Doctor panicking.

He spun back around, the device clutched to his chest.

After sprinting back to Rose, he glanced at the monitor. “Please, please, please.” He held his breath as he pressed the device against her heart and shocked her.

The quiet of the medbay suddenly broke with a soft “beep beep” from the monitor. He collapsed onto his chair next to Rose.

He reached his shaking hand out and grasped hers. He brought it to his chest and tried to gain control of his breathing.

“Don’t you ever scare me like that again. Do you hear me, Rose? Never again. I don’t know what I’d do if-”

He kissed her fingers and clenched his eyes closed.

--

The tiny old woman was digging through a trunk in her sitting room, while Mickey was sprawled in a chair and tapping his fingers on the table top. Reinette stood dressed only in her undergarments with her head held high and the poise that one would expect of the Uncrowned Queen of France.

“Ah ha!” The old woman held up a small, blue bottle in triumph.

Mickey jumped out of his seat. “You found it?”

“Yes. We can get back to your friend now.”

“Finally!” Mickey headed for the door and held it open while waiting for the two women. He shifted impatiently.

--

“Mickey! You took your bloody time.”

The Doctor was dragging Mickey into the medbay before he’d even finished opening the door. He stopped short at the sight of the native woman and spared a quick glance for Reinette. If he thought it odd that she was wearing only her chemise, underskirts, corset, and panniers, he didn’t comment on it.

“Oi. It wasn’t as easy to find at you thought it was.” He gestured to the older woman. “Needed some help, but we’ve got it.”

The old woman handed the Doctor the glass bottle. “A tincture made from chur leaf.”

“Ah, thank you.” He took the bottle from her and tilted his head. “And, erm, you are?”

“Graillen. The village healer.”

“Brilliant! Thank you.”

The Doctor jumped into action and added the chur extract to the potion he had started earlier.

Graillen walked over and sniffed at the liquid. “You need more thralp oil.”

“I did the calculations myself.”

The old woman crossed her arms. “You need more thralp oil.”

The Doctor dipped a finger in solution and placed a drop on his tongue. He smacked it against the roof of his mouth and closed his eyes. His tongue darted out and licked his upper lip. His eyes shot open and he reached for a phial. He added three more drops of the liquid.

Graillen sniffed again and nodded, a small smile tugging at her lips. “Now it’s perfect.” The healer walked over to where Rose was lying - pale and still. She pressed her paws to her chest and closed her eyes.

“Oi! Don’t touch her.”

The old woman ignored him and instead lifted her head toward the ceiling with a howl. Graillen took a few steps back before turning toward the Doctor. “Give the Lupa-Ca five drops under the tongue - morning and night - and she will be fine within the next several lunar cycles.”

“How could you possibly-”

“The Great Goddess decrees it so. Your mate doesn’t need the potion to live, but it will speed the awakening.”

“I- What? Awakening? What do you mean she doesn’t-”

“Do it now before I leave, so I can make sure you do it properly.”

“I’ll have you know-”

Graillen’s eyes narrowed to slits and she growled low in her throat.

The Doctor huffed, but walked over to Rose’s supine form. His expression softened as he glided his fingers over the smooth skin of her jaw. He gently cradled the back of her head and exerted the slightest pressure on the back of her neck to tilt her head backward. Using his free hand, he opened her mouth and ran his thumb along the fullness of her lower lip. He reached for the glass dropper and counted out each drop as they fell into the cavity under her tongue. With one last caress, he slowly withdrew his hand from under her head and made sure she was settled comfortably on the small pillow. He pressed his lips to her forehead, before turning to face the others in the room.

“Happy?”

The old woman smirked. “I’ll be back tomorrow to check on her and make sure you are taking proper care of her.”

“Hmpf!”

Her chuckle followed her out of the medbay door.

The Doctor gestured for Mickey to follow her. He nodded and sensing the Doctor’s mood tried to get Reinette to go with him. She shook her head and stepped closer to the Doctor. He grumbled under his breath, but left them alone to chase after Graillen.

The Doctor sighed and dropped into the chair next to Rose. “Can I help you, Reinette?” He watched as the other woman examined Rose. “Were you wearing that earlier?”

The Frenchwoman looked down at her undergarments and then back at the Doctor. “You really are alien aren’t you?”

“To me you’re the alien.”

She rolled her eyes. “At one time, I was the most desirable woman in France, but you didn’t even notice that I’ve been standing around in my undergarments.”

“Oh. And why’s that?”

“I gave my gown to the villagers so that Mickey and I could move freely while we were out looking for the chur leaf.”

The Doctor raised his eyes in surprise. “Thank you. For doing that for Mickey...and Rose.”

Reinette bit her lip. “Tell me about her...your Rose. If I’m to help you, I’d like to know a little about her. I can tell she’s courageous with the way she stood up to the warriors, but tell me of the woman...the woman who was able to win a Time Lord’s heart.”

“She didn’t-”

Reinette tilted her head and waited.

The Doctor sighed. “Hearts.”

“Pardon?”

“I’ve two hearts. And they’re both hers. I haven’t- We’ve always denied- She doesn’t even know.”

Her lips quirked. “That you have two?”

He huffed out a little laugh. “No, she knows that. She knows more about me than anyone else when it comes to things like that.”

“They why do you assume she doesn’t know you love her?”

“I’m not the easiest person to… I’ve never told her.”

“Doctor, the language of love is not confined to spoken words.”

The Doctor pondered Reinette’s statement and startled when she clapped her hands together.

“Now, tell me about her.”

“Rose. She’s my...my Rose.” His lips spread into a small smile. “Met her by accident. Was a different man back then, broken by a war that had gone on far too long. She changed me, made me better.”

The Doctor pulled up a chair for Reinette, and he spent the rest of the afternoon telling her of their adventures together all while holding Rose’s hand.

--

A few mornings later when Graillen was making her daily visit, Mickey escorted her into the medbay, while Reinette, hands on hips, argued with the Doctor. He sat next to the bed that had been moved into the medbay to make Rose more comfortable and gripped her hand like a lifeline.

“You need to eat something.” She gestured at the untouched tea tray on the counter. “Have you slept or even left this room in days? You can’t keep this up!”

He stuck his lip out in a pout. “Time Lord. Don’t need to sleep all the time like you apes. And I’ll eat when I’m hungry.”

The healer cleared her throat and when all eyes where on her, she made her way over to Rose. She checked Rose’s breathing and eyes, before sniffing along her body. She nodded at the Doctor. “She’s progressing nicely. I’ll be back tomorrow.”

She slipped from the room and Mickey started to follow her, but ducked his head back into the room.

“Hey, Boss.”

“Not you too, Mickey.”

“Nah. I don’t much care what you do. It’s just I was thinkin.’ What would Rose say if she could see you right now? My bet is that she wouldn’t be too happy that your not taking care of yourself.” He shrugged and left to walk Graillen out.

The Doctor squeezed Rose’s hand before releasing it and pushing to his feet. He quietly made his way over to the tray Reinette had prepared for him and spread jam over the cold toast. He shoved it into his mouth and washed it down with cold tea. He shuddered at the slightly bitter taste. Without turning around, he addressed Reinette. “I still don’t need sleep.”

She threw her hands up in the air and stormed out of the room.

--

Mickey snorted at the picture the Doctor made - seated in his chair, hair mussed, mouth ajar and drooling, his head pressed into the curve of Rose’s waist, clutching her hand, and sound asleep. He stepped aside, to allow the old woman entry into the medbay, and softly told her, “I’ll wait for you in the control room.”

She nodded and quietly made her way to Rose’s side. As the old woman began her examination, Rose’s eyes fluttered opened. She squeaked when she noticed the healer standing over her.

The old woman raised her paws and was quick to introduce herself. “Do not be frightened, Lupa-Ca. I am Graillen, the village healer. You had a bad reaction to one of our plants and have been in a healing coma for days.”

“A healing coma? I thought only Time Lords did that?” Rose glanced down at the pressure against her waist and a smile tugged her lips upward.

“Your mate created a potion to help your body work the toxin out faster.”

Rose ran her fingers through the Doctor’s hair. He hummed and pushed his head closer to her body.

The old woman smiled. “He hasn’t left your side once since I’ve been coming. It is unusual to see such devotion in a husband amongst my people. You are a very lucky woman.”

“Oh, he’s not my husband.”

“Consort then. The point still stands.”

Rose shook her head.

Graillen walked toward the exit. “I’ll let your friends know you’ve woken. Rest for the remainder of the day and I’ll check in with you one last time before you leave.”

“Thank you for your help. I’ll make sure we don’t leave until I’ve had a chance to say goodbye.”

The older woman bowed her head and then slipped from the room.

Rose reached down and gently shook the Doctor’s shoulder. “Doctor.”

His eyes sprung open and he sat up abruptly. His eyes scanned the room until they fell on her.

“Rose!”

He lurched from his chair and embraced her in a hug so tight, she groaned.

“Sorry!” He released her immediately and sunk into his seat.

“‘S okay.”

“How do you feel?”

“Tired. A bit confused. Graillen, a sort of humany wolf, just left. Said she was a healer?”

He entwined their fingers and nodded. “What’s the last thing you remember?”

She stared down at their hands and her brow furrowed. “Hmm. Mickey called about some weird goings on at a school.” Her eyes light up as they met his. “Oh, and we ran into your old friend, Sarah Jane.” She looked down again. “Then Mickey came with us afterwards. Erm, we landed on an abandoned ship and met…” She pulled away from him and placed her hands in her lap. “We met Madame de Pompadour.”

The Doctor’s hearts were breaking at the loss of her hand in his. “Rose.”

“You invited her on a trip. An’ we ended up on a planet with this, er, waterfall? A waterfall that looked kinda like a rainbow?”

“Lupacund. That’s where we are right now. We were, uh, attacked. You jumped in front of me. Why would you do that?”

She started picking at her nails. “I...I don’t know. I just wanted you safe.”

“Rose, I can regenerate. You can’t. What if you’d…” He couldn’t even say the word.

Teary eyed she met his gaze. “Not much of a loss, yeah? You’ve got-”

“What?!” She sniffed back tears she refused to let fall. “You don’t really think that. Do you?” At her continued silence, he gaped. “You...I...I can’t lose you. You, Rose, you’re important to me.”

She choked out, “You’d manage. 900 years of experience. You don’t need me.”

“I always need you.”

“You...you have Reinette now. She...she’s a better fit for you, yeah?”

“How can you say that?”

“I’m not stupid. I can see the writing on the wall.”

“I know you’re not stupid, but I don’t know what you’re talking about? What’s Reinette got to do with you and me?”

“She’s brilliant, beautiful, and accomplished. She’ll probably be the best traveling companion you’ve ever had.”

“But Rose, you’re all of those things, too. And she could never be the best companion I’ve ever had.” Rose looked up at him. “Because you are. Well...” He nervously rubbed the back of his neck.

“What?”

“Erm, you’re more than just a companion to me.”

“Really?”

He gave her a lopsided smile. “Yeah.”

Rose started crying and the Doctor jumped up to embrace her. “I thought you wanted me gone an’ that you regretted telling me I could stay as long as I wanted an’ that she was going to replace me.”

“Never. I told you, you can stay with me forever and I meant it.” He buried his face against the crook of her neck. “My Rose.” He held as tightly as he dared. “She reminded me of you, and I hoped you’d see how amazing it is to share that with others. You brought me back to life with your awe whenever we go somewhere new and I wanted you to be on the other side of that. But it was just a one off! Just one trip.”

“You should have said.” Rose sighed, her warm breath tickling his ear. “Don’t see how I might get the wrong idea? Especially since you asked Mickey along, then Reinette, and I don’t know, I felt like everything was different. You were…different.”

“I…” The Doctor took a moment to try and see how the last week would seem from her perspective. His stomach sank when a little voice whispered in his mind that he knew he intentionally pushed her away. Because he was scared. Scared of his feelings for her, scared of her feelings for him, scared of the thought of losing her, scared of her finding out how how unworthy he is and leaving him. Of course, she would see right through him. He clung to her tighter. “Oh, Rose. I’m so sorry. I never wanted to hurt you, but then I did. I don’t deserve you.”

“Doctor you’ve gotta stop with that. Especially since it makes you do stupid things.” She pulled back from their embrace, but left her hands on his upper arms. “And if you want me to stay, really want me to stay with you, then you need to treat me like I live here too.”

He blinked in confusion. “But you do live here.”

“No, I mean, you can’t just be inviting people along whenever you feel like it.”

“But I let you bring Adam and Jack.”

“I asked you if they could come, I didn’t just invite them. I would never do that to you. You might not have been happy about it at first and, yeah, Adam turned out to be a plonker, but it was ultimately your decision to have them along.”

The Doctor snorted. “Well, it is my ship.”

Rose began chewing on her thumbnail. “I know, I do. And I’m not trying to change that. It’s just...is the TARDIS my home or am I just a guest here? When Mickey asked to come along, I know he kinda put us on the spot, and I know I said it was okay, but you didn’t even ask with Reinette. You just brought her back with you, an’ I felt like...like you took away my home. My security. Is this just a place where I’m allowed to sleep until I die or is this my home where I live?”

“Rose!”

“We both know how this is gonna end. You said it yourself outside the chippy the other night. Humans wither and we die.”

“Stop it.”

“I’m sorry if it hurts, but you can’t keep pushing me away because of something I have no control over. You need to decide whether you want me here for as long as I have, because that’s how long I intend to stay, or if you don’t. I’m not gonna let you keep hurting me. I’ve been in a relationship like that and I’m not doing it again.”

“I’d never-”

“You did.”

He blew out a breath. “Rose, of course, I want you here. For...for as long…” He ran his hand down his face. “I’m so tired of fighting it. Fighting what I feel. You are...Rose, you are the most important...my best friend. More than my best friend. I mean you are my best friend, but you are also so much more than that to me. You’re my...my hearts. You have my hearts.”

Her hand flew to her mouth and her eyes filled with tears.

“What I’m trying to say is...Rose Tyler, I love you. I never want you to leave me. I...I’m absolute rubbish without you. Don’t know how I managed for as long as I have without you.” His mouth crooked up in a half grin.

Her smile wobbled. “I love you, too.”

“Aww, that’s no reason to cry.”

She laughed and pressed her face into his shoulder. He ran his hand lightly over her back.

Wiping her eyes, she pulled away. “I don’t mind traveling with others. I loved having Jack around, but I need to know that any future companions will be a joint decision?”

“Yeah. I can’t promise I won’t make mistakes...900 years of phone box travel where it was only me making the decisions, but I’m going to try. And if I hurt you again, tell me so I can fix it. I want to share a life with you, for as long as you’ll have me.”

She curled into his side. “Forever then.”

“Forever.” He brushed his lips over hers, once, twice, before the door banged open and Mickey rushed in.

“Rose! You’re okay!”

--

Hands clasped between them, the Doctor and Rose strolled to the village to thank the healer for her help. Mickey and Reinette followed behind, giving the two their privacy.

“Um, Boss?”

The Doctor glanced over his shoulder at the younger man. Mickey and Reinette has frozen in place as dozens of wolves began edging out of the forest and onto the path the group were traversing. These weren’t the native wolf-people, but animals similar to Earth’s wolves and seemed content to weave amongst the foursome.

Rose shifted closer to the Doctor. “What’re they doin’?”

“I...I’m not sure.”

“Are they dangerous?” She pressed herself into his side, her hand moving to rest on his collarbone.

He looked around at the silent yet curious creatures and shook his head. “I don’t think so.”

“Why’re they all watching me? It’s makin’ me nervous.”

At Rose’s pronouncement, the largest of the wolves began pushing others away from her. When they were some distance away, the animals sat and waited.

Mickey looked around to make sure no more wolves were in their way. “Okay, that was weird.”

The Doctor grabbed Rose’s hand. “Let’s get to the village.”

The wolves slowly followed after the friends, but made sure to stay back a distance.

Four off-worlders being trailed by the native wolf population attracted the attention of the villagers. As they made their way to Graillen’s home, many Lupacundiens joined the unusual procession.

After Reinette pointed out which door was the healer’s, the Doctor stepped forward and knocked.

“Graillen!” The Doctor grinned widely.

Rose reached out to take the old woman’s paws. “We just wanted to come and say ‘thank you’ and ‘goodbye.’”

Graillen bowed her head. “Lupa-Ca you’ve blessed us with your presence. It was my honor to serve you as I could.”

“I don’t...Lupa-Ca?”

“You hold the mark of our Blessed Wolf Mother. She visited us through you and with it came her blessings.”

Graillen grabbed the Doctor’s arm for support as she lowered herself to her knee. “My Goddess.”

One by one the other members of the tribe followed. The wolf pack yipped and howled.

Rose started shaking her head. “Oh, but-” She cut herself off when the Doctor, with love and affection in his gaze, dropped to one knee.

Reinette glanced around and tugged on Mickey’s sleeve. “Come on.” She swept into a curtsy so deep, she appeared to be almost seated.

“Oi! I’m not bowin’ to Rose. Known her since we were kids.”

Reinette sighed, her eyes darting to the Doctor. “Friends change.” She looked back up at Mickey. “And sometimes it is we who have changed, giving us a different perspective of our friend. Both are natural. We can’t let our limited perspectives blind us.”

“Blind us? Blind us to what?���

“That your childhood friend isn’t waiting around for you to grow up.” Reinette pointed to the ground next to her and Mickey grumbled, but ultimately dropped to one knee. Her smile lifted into a smirk. “Or that here your friend is a Goddess and deserves your respect.”

--

The Doctor patted the side of the TARDIS and turned to his human companions. “Home sweet home.”

Rose gave him a toothy grin and he beamed back at her.

Mickey pushed between them to enter the magnificent timeship.

Reinette cleared her throat and waited for the Doctor’s attention. “Speaking of home, Doctor, I'm ready to return to mine.”

“Oh, but I haven’t even taken you to-”

Reinette grasped his hands. “I think I'm meant to see the stars safely from my window. I was looking for something, but in the wrong place. I ran away from a good man to chase after a childhood fantasy.”

“Ah.” The doctor stuffed his hands in his pockets and nervously glanced at Rose.

She gave Reinette a cheeky smile. “King of France. Not too shabby.”

Reinette laughed. “Indeed. The best to be expected for a simple Frenchwoman-”

“Simple!” The Doctor choked.

“-like myself. But you, Doctor, Lord of Time, deserve a goddess.”

Rose blushed and Reinette cupped her jaw. “Many years ago, I thought him a lonely angel, come from the heavens to rescue me from a life of tediousness. The truth was he wasn’t alone, he was waiting. I mistook that stillness for solitude. Let him worship you as he so clearly desires.” Reinette leaned in and kissed first one cheek and then the other. Before pulling back, she whispered in Rose’s ear, “It’d be a sin not to take advantage of such long and agile fingers.”

Rose’s eyes widened and she couldn't stop a laugh from bubbling forth.

“Oi! What’d she say?”

Rose fluttered her eyelashes at him and smiled his favorite tongue touched smile. “Wouldn't you like to know?”

Reinette stepped up to the Doctor. “Thank you for this one incredible adventure you've taken me on. I'll never forget it, nor either of you.” She leaned in a kissed the Doctor once on each cheek. “And, Doctor, wouldn't it be a miracle befitting a goddess if Rose wasn't as fleeting as you seem to think?”

“Yes, but why-” He swallowed hard and licked his lips. “Why would you say that?”

“I was thinking of your tale of the Bad Wolf. It strikes me as strange that the power that could cause a Time Lord to change his face would have no effect whatsoever on a mere human. Perhaps the Lupacundiens recognize her for the goddess she actually is?”

The Doctor’s jaw dropped and he spun toward Rose.

Her eyes grew round. “What?”

“So many things should have killed you - the vortex, the Barconitine, the bite from the upyr fly last month - but you're still here with me and wonderfully alive. Oh, Rose.” He pulled her to him and dropped little kisses all over her face. “Give me this, Rose, just give me this one thing.”

Rose pulled back. “Doctor, don’t you know, I'd give you everything if I could.”

“I know. And for one shining moment you controlled the universe.”

She gasped. “Do you think?”

He wrapped her up in his embrace and smiled before tilting her head back and kissing her for all he was worth.

[atruththatyoudeny]

MONTHLY READS | April

Just in time for today’s fanworks appreciation day.. As always, thank you so much to all the amazing authors for sharing your stories with us! I’m in awe of you!!

» Top 5 stories + 8 more under the cut «

Piece By Piece

by lovelarry10 & wander723 | strangers to lovers | single parent Louis | kidfic | disability | past mpreg | fluff | 168k

Now that his best friend Liam is getting married Louis Tomlinson needs help, and he’s finally admitted it. He can’t work and be the best dad to his disabled son Mason without it. That’s where Harry Styles comes in.

And so begins the love story of a lifetime.

Don't Let the Tide Come and Take Me

by kiwikero for One Direction Big Bang Round 1 | fantasy | merpeople | pining | road trip | 28k

The aquarium in the lobby has been there as long as Louis can remember, and so has the merman inside. That is, until the day Louis loses his job and decides to set the creature free.

They set off on a road trip to the sea, learning to communicate more and more each day. Their destination is LA, but the closer they get and the more Louis gets to know the merman, the more he dreads having to say goodbye.

Or, the one where Louis decides to set a merman free and ends up finding his own freedom along the way.

I Didn't Fall For You (You Fucking Tripped Me)

by allwaswell16 for 1000 Feelings For Which There Are No Names Challenge | a/b/o | hate to love | enemies to friends to lovers | humour | 15k

These days Louis tends to steer clear of dating alphas. He’s dated too many knotheads in his time, and he’s ready to just focus on school and his friends and his pet monitor lizard, of course.

Too bad the alpha next door won’t take a hint and stop using the worst pick up lines of all time on him. He’s really got to stop laughing with him--and talking to him and walking to class with him and letting him bring him coffee and tea and gifts for his lizard and watching Netflix together and...

No Easy Love (Could Make Me Feel This Way)

by allwaswell16 for H+L Mood Board Prompt Challenge | a/b/o | exes to lovers | angst | mutual pining | 17k

There’s never been anyone for Harry but Louis. He had always thought their love would last forever, despite society’s pressures on an alpha/alpha relationship. When Louis breaks up with him and moves to Chicago, he’s suddenly left behind to pick up the pieces of the life they once shared. Instead of moving on, he finds reasons to keep Louis in his life and in the process begins to piece together what went wrong.

Or an Alpha Louis/Alpha Harry au where they get a second chance to make things right with the love of their life.

Introduction to Dynamics

by juliusschmidt for HL A/B/O Fic Exchange | a/b/o | college | 29k

Louis Tomlinson is the outspoken omega in the 'Introduction to Dynamics' course Harry wishes he didn't have to take. He's nearly certain to present as a beta, after all. Things will be simple for him.

Saw It In Your Eyes

by taggiecb | roommates | coming out | sexuality crisis | light angst |15k

Harry Styles counts himself extremely lucky that he has landed such a great roommate. It doesn’t bother him at all that his new roommate is gay. In fact, they get along so well that they have formed an extremely close friendship that takes up pretty much all his free time. When Louis starts bringing a new guy home with him, Harry is surprised by how much it bothers him. Is he not as okay as he thought he was with Louis’ sexuality?

Or the one where Harry is an oblivious walnut.

Wild at Heart Ain't Hard to Find

by QuickedWeen for H+L Mood Board Prompt Challenge | girl direction | pwp | strangers to lovers | 11k

Louis and her best friends Niall and Liam always take an annual vacation together. This year Niall has picked Redwater Canyon, a small tourist town where everyone lives like it's the Old West. There are saloons, stagecoaches, and limited access to WiFi.

The town boasts tours, excursions, activities, and the hottest woman Louis has ever seen in the form of the local blacksmith.

Keep this love in a photograph

by suspendrs for One Direction Big Bang Round 1 | historical | minor character death | friends to lovers | slow burn | 48k

“I could never forget a damn thing about you, Harry Styles, not even if I wanted to,” Louis says. His hair falls into his face when he glances over at Harry, the moonlight reflecting off of it and making it glow golden, like maybe Louis himself is the sun.

Harry thinks of how dark and cold his life got once Louis went away, how Harry got a taste of the sweetest sunshine imaginable and then was plunged into the longest winter of his life. He feels like he’s been buried under mounds of snow for months, years, and he’s finally made it to spring, finally getting another taste of how wonderful life can be.

Or, it’s 1919, and Harry’s been falling in love with his best friend for his entire life.

Signs and wonders

by scrunchyharry for One Direction Big Bang Round 1 | second chances | coming out | future fic | 29k

On the surface, it looks like Louis Tomlinson has the perfect life; after all, he has the whole package: a white picket fence house (well, his doesn’t technically have a white picket fence, but work with him), a wife, a daughter and a dog. He has it all and he’s not even 30, yet.

On the surface, he could be the happiest man in the world.

The thing is, he never wanted this life. There was this boy, see, this Harry Styles, whose arrival made Louis question everything he thought he knew about himself. Before Louis could pursue it, though, before he could be brave and ask the boy out, one moment of bad luck on prom night, one single lapse of judgment, shaped his life in a way he never would have chosen. Between doing the right thing or turning into his own absent father, he knew what he had to do, even if it meant burying his dreams under the weight of a premature adulthood.

That is, until he receives an invitation for his school’s ten year reunion and sees that Harry will attend.

Could it be his second chance at happiness? At what cost?

Wonder How I Ever Made It Through

by lovelarry10 for 1000 Feelings For Which There Are No Names Challenge | abusive relationship | serious injuries | healing | non-graphic violence | recovery | 9k

Louis loved his home and his neighbourhood. It made jogging more enjoyable. But when a boy with curly hair moves into a home down the street, neither of these men realise what changes are coming their way.

Or Harry and Louis realise that all they need to be strong is love.

Love will tear us apart

by notasawrap for 1000 Feelings For Which There Are No Names Challenge | a/b/o | past relationship | angst | kidfic | 20k

"Look, alpha," the green-eyed man starts contemptuously. "I know you're upset and that this sucks, I fucking know.” Harry breathes deeply. "I'm trying to do my best because she hasn’t stopped asking about you since yesterday, but I cannot do much if with everything I say, you're gonna react like a psychopath or whatever. I don't know what you want, Louis!" He alleges frustrated. "And if you just stop acting impulsively -contain your instincts or whatever, we could solve this in a way that benefits all of us, but if you're not willing to do that, the best thing is going to be to forget you even know about this." Harry ends up, turning to leave, but is again stopped by the alpha, his grip much softer this time.

"I want to meet her." Louis recognizes, more calmly. His scent slightly softer than before. It momentarily catches Harry in a spiral, but he drives away the sensation and concentrates on looking at the alpha.

"I know." He says sincere. He had expected it. "So does she."

or Louis and Harry have a past and now it's time to face it.

I carry your heart with me (i carry it in my heart)

by thedeathchamber for One Direction Big Bang: Round Five | angst | hurt/comfort | drama | miscommunication | 55k

Harry thinks he has good reasons for avoiding relationships. Meeting Louis puts those reasons to the test.

Not the Desperate Type

by lululawrence for 1000 Feelings For Which There Are No Names | strangers to lovers | neighbours | meet-cute | humour | 6k

“First of all, I’d like to tell you how disturbing it is that you’re this familiar with your neighbor’s sex life,” Liam said, amusement lacing his tone.

“Fuck off,” Louis said, laughing.

“Second, that is really very sad. How bad is the stomping? Are you sure your neighbor doesn’t like it fast like that?”

“With the amount of cleaning the guy does, I think he’s taking out his sexual frustration on the cleanliness of his apartment. I can’t imagine the guy makes enough mess to require daily vacuuming.”

It sounded like the guy was actually moving furniture above him as he was sweeping now. Damn. Did Louis miss the seven minutes in heaven or was the guy angry because he didn’t even get that much pleasure today?

“I’m kinda afraid with the amount of noise he produces while cleaning that one day I’m gonna look up through my ceiling and be able to see him.”

“Tell him we wish him a better sex life and that we’re rooting for him if you do.”

Or the one where Louis' neighbor has a series of unfortunately short sexual experiences and Louis can hear every. Single. One.

[doesntmakeitalright]

This is a story about somebody I had a huge crush on for years. Disclaimer, contains teen themes. I joined orchestra as a violist halfway through my sophomore year. He played the cello, but he’s one of the first people I remember meeting. He was a super friendly, outgoing, funny person. He made class a joy to be in. I couldn’t believe I had never met him before, we were in the same grade! My stand partner and I were both just kinda obsessed with him in the most innocent way. Like, life was just a brighter place with him in it. The next year, we had German 2 together AND orchestra. On the first day of german class, when he came in, I exclaimed “Eddie!!!!! Sit with me!!!!!!” and he did!! I got butterflies before German every single day that year just knowing he was going to sit next to me. I started to wonder if there was any chance that he liked me. I got his phone number as Christmas was approaching and I texted him as much as possible. One day as I sat by the Christmas tree as it was getting dark, I decided to tell him that I liked him. He didn’t really feel the same way but he was so nice about it and I was still so obsessed with him. I listened to Last Christmas by Wham alot during that week so now that’s what the song always reminds me of. I didn’t want to give up yet, so I asked him if we could spend a day together and kiss one time. He wanted to, he said he even wanted to do more than that. My head spun for days imagining the date we could have. I imagined going to the Delmar Loop (an outdoor area nearby with lots of shops and restaurants) after dark and holding hands in the cold as we strolled up and down the block. Most of all, I imagined sharing the most romantic kiss of my life in front of dimly lit Christmas lights, the December air blowing all around us. We planned a day. When the day came, he changed his mind. I didn’t have hard feelings, but it hurt so bad. I believe in my heart that he did it for me though, to save me the pain of having only one date with somebody that I liked so much. I thought I was stupid for even thinking he would like me. We didn’t have much in common other than the classes we took and a sense of humor. The pain lasted for a long time. I bought him a dream catcher as a Christmas present, and went back to trying to act more normal around him after that. He never once started to treat me different. I wanted to get over him after that, but I just couldn’t help being happy as fuck any time he was around. I still wanted him to like me. I made myself available to him as a friend and tried to cheer him up any time he was upset. He told me multiple times that I was a great friend to him and that made me happy. By my senior year, I was almost crazy. My ovaries would basically be burning when he would be around lol. I wanted to just grab him and kiss him and never stop. I would still look for any excuse to be near him or to talk to him, but he was more distant than ever. I still didn’t want to give up. On a field trip, we took that first picture together. It was one of the happiest moments of my life and it really shows on my face. At the end of the year, the orchestra went on a trip to Chicago. I talked to him on the bus as much as I possibly could. Things were going well. Then, one of the nights there, we were getting on the bus to go back to the hotel and he seemed very upset. I asked him if I could sit next to him and he said sure, so I did. He started putting his headphones on, so desperately trying to think, I asked him if I could listen to his music with him. He said no. I turned away from him and cried hysterically because I was drunk lmao 😂 I had tons of real ventures going for me at the time but still chose to cry about him lmao. When we graduated, I really figured that I would never see him again, but I was wrong. Two years later, I hit him up on a summer afternoon and to my surprise he was down to hang out. I picked him up and we hung out in South city and ate at my favorite diner. We got drunk together on fireball. You would never guess it was our first time hanging out. We started driving and wound up in Illinois. I don’t know why, but I literally pulled over to the side of the highway and we rolled around in the grass together. He said, “we could be in Chicago in like, 4 hours.” And I said, “let’s go!!!!!!” and sure enough, we drove all the way to Chicago. We jammed out to music the entire time. Everything from Fall Out Boy to Lana del Rey. When we got there, it was night time. We literally bought a Papa John’s pizza, smashed it, and started heading back home, not even an hour later. Lmfao. We pulled into a rural truck stop and decided we would need to rest for a while. Then, suddenly, I looked him in the eyes and we just kissed for a minute. It wasn’t the romantic kiss I imagined all those years ago, but it was enough to finally grant me closure. It was enough. It was amazing. After I started to doze off, he decided he wanted to start driving home again, so we could make it back by the next day. I slept most of the way back. I woke up to him saying my name. I opened my eyes and took in a perfect, full view of the St. Louis skyline as Video Games by Lana del Rey started playing in the background. The sun was rising. It was a magical moment.

[mermaidsirennikita]

March 2018 Book Roundup

I read a lot of books this month!  And two of them were actually five star reads, which I would recommend for completely different reasons.  Read A Girl Like That by Tanaz Bhathena if you want to be completely devastated.  Read To Kill A Kingdom by Alexandra Christo if you want a fantastic fairy tale romp with a good bit of blood.  But like, read both?  There was also one pretty big disappointment (that was still by no means a failure, this book just got hyped to hell) and a book I actually hated.  So like, a mixed bag!

The Belles by Dhonielle Clayton.  4/5.  In Orleans, beauty drives people--in part because they don’t naturally have it.  They’re born gray-skinned, red-eyed, and ugly; and this can only be changed with the help of a Belle, one of the lovely young women with the power to (temporarily) manipulate people’s physical appearances.  Camellia is making her Belle debut with her sisters--but only one can get the coveted spot of the queen’s favorite, working on the royal family.  Initially, Camellia is passed over; but when her winning sister mysteriously vacates the spot, she is thrust into the role of favorite and tasked with the seemingly impossible feat of healing the queen’s older daughter who’s been in a coma for years.  As it turns out, the fate of Orleans could very well hang in the balance.  On the surface, I thought that The Belles would be like a lot of those YA fantasy/dystopian books centered on looks that is basically a transparent riff on reality shows/21st century pop culture meets Harry Potter/The Hunger Games/What Have You.  In fact, the way the Belles work in their world is very much its own thing, and Clayton does a lovely job of weaving in these super sugary descriptions--obviously drawing from the French royal court of Marie Antoinette or Louis XIV--while never dropping this sense of mystery and dread.  Part of that mystery revolves around what the Belles really are, and to be honest I’m still not 100% sure about that--but this is the beginning of a series, and it’s incredibly intriguing.  Furthermore, the horror factor was much more present than I expected.  It’s a book that gets a lot out of the eeriness behind what people do for beauty--the only thing it needs to work on, for me, is fleshing out the characters a bit more.

Bygone Badass Broads by Mackenzi Lee.  3/5.  Lee expands on her popular Twitter series, telling the stories of women who have been scrubbed from history because they’re not white enough, not straight enough, not cis enough, or otherwise too transgressive in some other ways.  Basically, this is one of those books that lists dozens of rebellious or unusual women, and I tend to love that.  I wouldn’t say that this book is bad, but it also doesn’t rank super high in the subgenre.  Yes, Lee does a great job of digging up women that even I hadn’t heard of (and I say “even” because again, I read a lot of books like this) but the write-ups are so short (about three-ish pages on Nook each) that I didn’t get a lot out of them.  Which of course allows Lee to include more women, but I would have rather seen more about each woman and less women in general, especially as some were honestly--less impressive than others.  As important as lady publishers are, I feel like there’s less intrigue and yeah, importance overall to their stories compared to those about women like the Maribel sisters.  There were a couple of women included who were borderline legends as well, and I don’t know...  Maybe cut them in favor of the women who definitely did something?  Furthermore, there’s a huge imbalance in time periods, or at least it felt that way--I mean, it seemed like most of the ladies were from the nineteenth century and onward.  And that’s just a matter of personal taste--I’m more interested in history from ancient times to the eighteenth century.  Nineteenth century is where my interest begins to wane a bit!  But with that being said, it’s not a bad book and definitely a nice, quick read when you want to discover some interesting women written about in a chatty tone.

A Girl Like That by Tanaz Bhathena.  5/5.  For most of her life, Zarin--an Indian immigrant to Saudi Arabia--has been viewed as a bad girl.  She’s seen that way by the mentally ill aunt who raised her, subjected to abuse in part simply because she’s a “bastard orphan”.  Her uncle sympathizes but won’t actually help.  The girls at school and their mothers see her as a flirt and a bad influence.  The only person who seems to give Zarin a chance is Porus, the boy who worships the ground she walks on, no matter how careless she is about his feelings.  Now Porus and Zarin are dead in a car accident, and few know what actually lead up to it; in bits and pieces, from multiple perspectives, we learn the reality of Zarin’s life, and why she was far more than “a girl like that”.  First off, this book is absolutely heartbreaking.  Though you know from page one that Zarin and Porus are dead, you still fall in love with them and there’s this sense of dread throughout as you get closer and closer to their deaths.  Zarin is one of the best YA protagonists I’ve read about in a while--flawed but incredibly human, easy to relate to, and terribly wounded in a way that isn’t over the top.  And Porus isn’t a knight in shining armor, he’s a romantic boy in love with a girl who may or may not want him back, and the book doesn’t hesitate to call him out for his white knight-ing while not abandoning his inherent goodness (which is implied to be present because he had the influence of a good father, whereas the other, less good boys in the book are following the examples of shitty fathers).  It was great to read a YA contemporary novel that was set somewhere other than America, or even Europe.  The author has a background similar to Zarin’s, so she’s not talking out of her ass here.  And there’s a deep sympathy for almost every character in the book--even when they’re horrible, they aren’t mindless villains.  There are cultural and religious elements at play, and none of them are good or bad without cause.  As a warning, rape and abuse (sexual and otherwise) are themes throughout the book, as is depression, suicidal ideation, and more.  It’s not an easy read.  But it should absolutely be read.

The Woman in the Window by A.J. Finn.  4/5.  Anna is an agoraphobe and classic cinema fan, spending her days talking to fellow agoraphobes on a message board and her nights watching movies--and spying on her neighbors.  She hasn’t left her home in ten months, doesn’t live with her husband and daughter anymore, and seems beyond hope when her new neighbor Jane visits and breathes new life into her boring routine.  No sooner has Anna made a friend, however, than she sees something horrible happen in Jane’s home.  The issue?  Everyone--including the police--say that it didn’t happen.  This book is a clear Rear Window tribute, and acknowledges as much--in fact, Anna’s obsession with classic thrillers, along with her alcoholism and psych meds, probably contribute to her status as an unreliable narrator.  And I love an unreliable narrator.  Anna is flawed without losing my sympathy (another favorite character type) and while I can’t say that this is the most original thriller I’ve read, it’s entertaining and well-done and even a bit emotional.  Definitely satisfying.

Rosemarked by Livia Blackburne.  2/5.  Zivah is a healer, struck down by the same plague she’s been treating people for--the rose plague.  It will shorten her life but kill her slowly, isolating her in a little cottage (think shades of leprosy, but not as gross, of course). Dineas has survived the same plague, leaving him immune, and has escaped the Amparans who tortured him to the point of breaking.  His desire to liberate his people brings him to Zivah, who wants to make the remainder of her life mean something--and together the two unite on a mission to steal from the capital.  I think.  Honestly, this book was so boring that I wasn’t really absorbing much of the plot.  In theory, it’s such a cool idea: a slow-burn romance between a warrior and a dying healer that has them acting as spies.  But it’s told in alternating perspectives, and Dineas and Zivah are both so bland that I couldn’t really tell the difference between the two of them. There was a lot of summary without much urgency.  Also: the romance is clearly meant to be a big part of the story.  However, Dineas and Zivah lack chemistry, and this issue is only exacerbated by the fact that... for reasons... which I didn’t totally get... Dineas keeps having his memory taken away?  Willingly?  “For the mission”.  So Zivah is supposedly falling in love with amnesiac Dineas, who isn’t even really Dineas completely--or is he???  God, it made no sense.

Awayland by Ramona Ausubel.  3/5.  A collection of short stories capturing the feelings of dreaminess and wanderlust, often with a dose of magical realism.  This book is very difficult for me to describe, in part because it’s just kind of weird?  Definitely well-written if you like pretty, sometimes purple prose.  There were a few stories I really liked, some that simply baffled me, and in general I loved the sense of the different lands the author described.  However, one story made me particularly uncomfortable in the almost fetishistic way that it described Africa, and I can’t help but feel how... deliberately vague... it seems to be.  And I’m not sure what to think about that.

To Kill A Kingdom by Alexandra Christo.  5/5.  Princess Lira has seventeen hearts in her bedroom.  The daughter of the siren Sea Queen, Lira waits for the day that she takes her mother’s throne, building a fearsome reputation by taking the still-beating hearts of princes.  Prince Elian isn’t so dissimilar--however, he sails the seas killing sirens, and his reputation has made him a prize for the sirens.  After killing one of her mother’s subjects, Lira is punished with a human form.  The only way she can return to her true body--and remain her mother’s heir--is to get Elian’s heart--without any of her powers.  This Little Mermaid retelling is dark--focusing a good bit on the effects of abusive parenting--and bloody, starring a monster princess and a prince who isn’t so nice either.  Yes, it’s a story of two people who are mortal enemies hating each other until they maybe don’t so much.  Yes, it’s full of the various lands Elias and Lira visit and all of their royal families.  Yes, it was one of the most fun and engaging books I’ve read in a long time, and certainly one of the best fairy tale retellings I’ve read.  READ IT.

Blood Water Paint by Joy McCullough.  3/5.  A verse-driven retelling of Artemisia Gentileschi’s rape and its aftermath, interspersed with stories of the women who would inspire some of her most famous works.  Let me tell you this upfront: I feel that other people would enjoy this book much more than I did.  It’s written in a lovely way--the stories of Judith and Susanna are told by Artemisia’s mother, almost as bedtime stories, which is... a bit weird, but cool--and it is an incredibly important, if brutal, story.  It’s also, at face value, pretty accurate: Artemisia was the daughter of a mediocre painter who she learned from and surpassed; she was raped by Agostino Tassi after an initial romance; she was tortured in court to prove that she wasn’t lying about her rape.  The story does skirt over the fact that Artemisia wanted to marry her rapist, and his refusal to marry her drove her to seek justice--not the rape on its own.  And that bothered me, the lack of real confrontation of that fact.  Because it renders Artemisia an “imperfect victim”, and few rape survivors ARE perfect victims.  Certainly, few in the seventeenth century fit a twenty-first century idea of what rape survivors are like.  And that was a huge issue with the book in general.  Artemisia--and her mother, to an extent--thought and sounded like twenty-first century women.  Artemisia approached painting like a twenty-first century artist.  As someone who has studied Italian painting of this era, and how Italian women painters were treated and acted, it just... didn’t sit well for me.  Sure, the whole book was stylized, but you can have a stylized story without losing authenticity.  Again, this will probably be a fantastic book for people who don’t share my background with the story.  But it didn’t work for me.

The Wicked Deep by Shea Ernshaw.  1/5.  Two centuries ago, the people of Sparrow drowned the three Swan sisters, all accused witches.  Ever since then, the sisters have returned every summer, possessing innocent girls until the solstice to seduce and drown boys.  Penny Talbot is familiar with the legend, and therefore hasn’t let herself get attached to the local boys.  Bo isn’t local--but he does have a connection to the sisters.  As they zero in on a boy she’s growing increasingly concerned for, Penny hunts for an answer to what the sisters really want and how she can stop them.  This was so bad.  So bad.  Bad because the idea was really cool--ghost witch sisters, possession, seduction, drowning--and there were some really interesting descriptions.  Basically, some of the bits that were just about the Swan sisters’ past were cool.  Some of them.  Until the end.  The rest was basically a hodge-podge of incredibly predictable “twists”, chemistry-less instalove, and a total inability to write people as people.  They made ridiculously stupid choices, experienced inexplicable emotional reactions, and in general just felt fake.  This should have been SO cool.  But it just made me want to write the opposite thing in order to prove a point.  (Also: it is set in OREGON.  Near Portland.  In our time, or at least a time where stereos are a thing.  I know that shady shit can happen anywhere and especially in small towns, but fuck.  Around 3 or more young boys from this town drown EVERY SUMMER, and not only is the town able to sustain itself but the FBI hasn’t gotten involved?  These all seem to be young white boys, in Oregon, just drowning.  Literally if this had been set in a made-up town in a made-up time, this would have been much more believable.)

The Merry Spinster by Mallory Ortzberg.  3/5.  A collection of short, spooky retellings of not only fairy tales, but classic children’s stories like “The Velveteen Rabbit”.  Overall, I’d recommend this book if you’re in the mood for something lyrical yet genuinely grim--but be warned, it can be a bit self-important sometimes.  A few of the creepier bits felt almost too self-aware; like, “this is scary because these are children’s characters acting really weird, oooh”.  Some of the stories I could have done without.  Standouts include “The Daughter Cells” (The Little Mermaid), “The Six Boy-Coffins” (The Six Swans, also the best story in the collection), “The Rabbit” (The Velveteen Rabbit) , and “Cast Your Bread Upon The Water” (Johnny Croy and His Mermaid Bride).  

The Radical Element ed. Jessica Spotswood.  2/5.  An anthology of short stories about young women who are “radical” in some what, from the nineteenth to twentieth century. Because really, for a historical fiction anthology, this is pretty limited in time periods and locations--it’s nineteenth and twentieth century America, barely stretching a century. Which is something I found irritating about the last anthology edited by Spotswood that I read (A Tyranny of Petticoats) but I liked that more because there were more stories for me to connect with.  Honestly, many of these read very young to me, so regardless of the writing quality I didn’t like most of them.  The only one that really stood out to me was Anna-Marie McLemore’s “Glamour”.  But this isn’t a bad anthology, in my opinion--I just think I’ve outgrown much of these stories.  

Sometimes I Lie by Alice Feeney.  2/5.  Amber is in a coma.  She can sense everything around her, hear everything people say, but can’t move her body, even to open her eyes.  She remembers nothing--only that her husband doesn’t love her anymore, and she believes that he had something to do with the “accident” that people refer to.  Alternating between Amber’s present in the coma, the days leading up to the accident, and a series of diary entries, the truth slowly unravels--or maybe.  Because sometimes Amber lies.  Basically, this had all of the plot elements it needed to have... But it moved at what felt like a glacial pace, and I couldn’t get into anything because the voices were dull.  Also: Amber has no control over her bodily functions while in a coma, and is sure to remind us of this every possible moment.  Furthermore, there is such a thing as too many twists, and to a degree, this book went there.

Children of Blood and Bone by Tomi Adeyemi.  3/5.  The land of Orisha was once full of magic--and Zelie’s mother was one of those who had it.  Until, that is, magic disappeared.  King Saran conducted a raid that killed all--or supposedly all--magic users, including Zelie’s mother.  Years later, Zelie and her brother Tzain embark on a quest to restore magic, aided by the runaway Princess Amari, and pursued by Amari’s brother Inan, who is determined to inherit his father’s ruthless legacy.  So...  This book.  I wanted so badly for it to be at least a four star read for me.  It’s been intensely hyped up, with the movie rights being sold ages ago.  Is it worth the hype?  For me, obviously not.  The hype oversold it.  Because Children of Blood and Bone is an enjoyable read with a ton of potential--but it’s also one of those books that was so clearly written by a debut author.  And I hate to say that, because I want to be a debut author someday; but there is a standard we need to hold ourselves and others to, and to me, this book needed some editing.  It was very overlong, with some parts dragging because I wanted to get back to the action.  The character beats sometimes felt rushed, comparatively--especially when it came to, you guessed it, the two central romances.  One of them was MADE FOR ME, but though I liked the pairing I wished that there had been more a realistic buildup.  The interesting thing about Children of Blood and Bone is that Adeyemi--who as I understand it is Nigerian-American, raised in America--based it off of West African culture.  As a white American, I obviously cannot speak to the authenticity of the usage of Yoruba, but I have seen a couple of Nigerian reviewers claim some issue with it, and that does make me wonder.  I do know that Adeyemi used, again, Yoruba in her book as well as several real place names.  This bugged me a bit.  Orisha is a fictional world--why refer to real African cities and a real language?  Obviously, most of the dialogue is in English, but Adeyemi could have referred to an imagined language as many fantasy novelists do.  To me, this all felt like... I don’t know, Jon Snow saying that he’d learned French from a tutor, or Gandalf saying that he was from Belfast.  It was a worldbuilding issue that knocked me out of the story.  For that matter, the fact that the catlike animals were referred to as “leonaires” (leopards), and so on... it seemed kind of weak.  There were a ton of very usual beats here--rebellious princess, young characters doomed from the first page, evil king who is evil because he is evil and had a dead love that is the sort of root of all of his problems...  It seems like I’m critiquing the fuck out of this book, but it had such a great idea and was so set up to be great that I don’t know.  I’m just disappointed, and it all could have been much better because the bones were there.  All that said, I’m probably going to read the second book because I was invested in the characters and do want to see what happens next.  But if the next book isn’t better, I probably won’t read beyond that.

In Search of Us by Ava Dellaira.  3/5.  Angie has never known her father; the biracial child of a white mother, she has never known the black side of her family, as her father apparently died before she was born along with his brother.  After discovering that her uncle is actually alive, Angie embarks on a trip to LA with her ex-boyfriend to seek the truth about her father.  In a parallel story, we see the journey of her mother, Marilyn, as a teenager being pushed by her mother to support them through a modeling career she doesn’t want.  After meeting James, Marilyn sees the opportunity for a new life--the question is how she’ll come to be the single mother of a daughter she keeps secrets from.  This book is really lovely and sweet in a lot of ways--the writing is quite pretty.  Marilyn’s story is, to be honest, much more compelling than Angie’s simply because she has a more dramatic arc.  Angie is essentially on a trip to uncover something you can probably guess fairly early on, and though her struggles are totally understandable, it is kind of difficult to watch her treat her very sweet ex like shit and kind of take advantage of his feelings.  Marilyn has this struggle of attempting to escape her mother’s impossible dreams, while engaging in genuinely sweet and sad romance.  The issue for me was that nobody quite as accessible as Marilyn, and while I appreciated the message the book was sending, it seemed a bit heavy-handed and abrupt towards the end.  Tacked on for points, to be frank.  Also, there was one sex scene that seemed... while not physically impossible, very unlikely.  But overall, if you want to read something sort of gentle and sad with good romance AND mother-daughter elements, I’d recommend it.

The Flight Attendant by Chris Bohjalian.  3/5.  Flight attendant Cassie is something of a train wreck, using her career to facilitate a habit of heavy partying and one night stands.  In Dubai, she has a one-nighter with a man named Alex, only to wake up to find him brutally murdered in the bed they shared.  Unable to remember the entirety of the previous night’s events and terrified of what will happen to her, Cassie sneaks out of the hotel room and finds herself embroiled in an international scandal.  The book follows not only Cassie’s perspective, but that of the mysterious Elena, who seems to be keeping tabs on Cassie.  This is definitely a gripping book, and I sped through it.  Honestly, much of the interest had to do with just how odd and intriguing a flight attendant’s life can be, and it was certainly a great profession for the main character of a thriller--Cassie was constantly jet-setting.  The issue was that she was also a total idiot, to the point that sometimes her stupidity felt less like a character trait and more like a plot device.  But I could have gotten over that.  What bumped this down from a 4 to a 3-star rating was the ending--the big twist wasn’t something I called, but it also wasn’t very thrilling.  You pretty much knew what was going on before the end.  And of course, everything was tied up in a very... borderline sexist way?  But it’s not the worst thriller I’ve read; I mean, it wasn’t even the worst one I read this month.

[show-goes-on]

Cup.

Kaito had wandered around Hope’s Peak Academy’s campus, the cup of coffee he held between his hands being his only company. He watched as the students left through the front gate, so distant from them he could barely make out their faces, until he was sure most of them had left. The moment he thought he could be alone, he moved to the garden. It wasn’t touched by people who weren’t part of the gardening club and, if the rare opportunity arose, the ikebana club. By what he had heard, doing as much as trying to take a flower from its place would make an alarm ring through the school. Well, he wasn’t there to vandalize the garden, however. All he did was sit in an empty wooden bench, cup in hands.

He had conducted a careful investigation on his classmates before coming. From Asakura Chika, whose life was as simple and uninteresting as it could be, to the renowned jidaigeki actor, Nakagawa Gennosuke, all of them were documented thoroughly through their lives. When creating a new character, a new facade to use in front of others, he had to prepare accordingly. Any new environment could be threatening and dangerous if he didn’t know what he was getting into, after all. And amongst all of his classmates, only three of them stood out as people who would question his identity. Only these three seemed like threats, and he prepared to deal with their intervention at any moment. One of the queens of the criminal underworld, Yamashita Itsuki, whose laid-back demeanor distracted from the true danger she presented; the naturally skeptical and inquisitive Shimoyama Taiki, who had once worked to assist in a case related to an “accident” while he worked; and, at last, Philip Brighton, who he had once stolen from during his night job, and whose influence would certainly be enough to put him behind bars.

So he was shocked, earlier that day, when he was confronted by someone else entirely.

He felt the cold of a gun to his back. A cowardly move that he had pulled many times, though he would never pull the trigger. From the place where the gun was placed in his back, a centimeter or two higher than where his own hand would put the gun if he aimed precisely forward, he could easily deduce the height of the person behind him. Approximately 1,72 meters; couldn’t be 75, since he would have been able to tell if someone was a full five centimeters taller than him, so he settled for that approximate amount. Yes, one or two centimeters was most likely the case. Three was pushing it a bit too far.

The grip was firm, unwavering, much like his own. Someone who wouldn’t hesitate to hurt others, for whatever reason. It couldn’t be Uedera, even if her height matched his first assumption; her hands were always shaking slightly, and he doubted she had it in her to point a gun at someone. She was a gentle, fragile person, who would freak out at the mere sight of blood. Yes, this was someone with nerves of steel. Someone who, when faced with danger, wouldn’t even waver. That sort of behavior… he wanted to say it was Kisarijo Yukie, but the height wouldn’t match. Nakahara Shinobu, perhaps? He was a dangerous fellow, with his body count being much higher than the number of people he had stolen from. He was tempted to call him by his last name, trying to see if he had been correct, but his thoughts were interrupted.

“Who are you?”

…oh. He truly didn’t expect this one, but he mentally chastised himself for not doing so. Of course a Kisarijo would be behind him at that moment. And even though he didn’t go by the name of Kisarijo, he was…

“Yuu-kun,” Kaito laughed, uneasiness oozing from his every word, “let’s drop that dangerous thing, okay? You know me, I’m Kaito—”

“I asked you a question, asshole.” The gun was pressed even closer to his skin now, pressing his clothing down with the muzzle. Yuji most likely couldn’t see his expression, but he couldn’t stop smiling at that. “Shokyokusai Kaito doesn’t exist. It’s an alias. I’ve been conducting my little investigation for a while now, and I know no one by that name existed in the first place. You were thorough enough to create false tracks. I was just more thorough than you.”

“…the detective skills really are genetic, huh?” Kaito’s voice… changed. It wasn’t even the tone, or the volume, or the way he spoke. His entire voice changed. Like the voice Yuji had listened to for days and days was nothing more than an impression, a skilled reproduction of a human’s voice. This one was far more real, far more cruel. And even then, he smiled, voice so cheerful.

After all, he was uncontrollably happy. Happy that someone could tell. He couldn’t even hold back his laughter, sighing as he regained his composure. “What gave it away? Was it the surname? I even made detailed records on how I chose it in an orphanage. I didn’t think it would be surprising for a kid to choose their favorite magician’s surname as their own, since they didn’t have one. …Well, then again, what kid knows about magicians from almost a full century ago?”

“Your associates weren’t as determined as you,” Yuji replied, his tone unsurprisingly cold. He must have been wary of his strange demeanor, that didn’t match at all someone being held at gunpoint. “All it took was doing this to them and one of them opened their mouth.”

Tsk. He could guess which one had crumbled under pressure. He’d sever that weak link later. “If you want a thing done well, do it yourself, as they say. That’s a mistake on my part. Sorry for not having the best actors working for me. Anyway—”

“The question. Answer it, now.”

“Does it matter?”

He turned around. Luckily, Yuji didn’t shoot him by reflex, the gun now pressed against his chest. Ah, he recognized that one. The model, the small scratches from the prolonged use, and the care put into making sure those weren’t as noticeable. He wasn’t sure when Kogane had the chance to steal it, but he could tell that she should be desperately looking for it right about now. The musician looked so confused, the poor guy. He frowned deeply as Kaito did that, probably knowing full well his bluff had been called out. The toymaker had made a slight miscalculation: Kisarijo Yukie would have shot him as a warning. Kogane Yuji wasn’t so heartless.

He moved both his hands to Yuji’s, holding them and the gun between those with care. And he forced Yuji’s arm to move up, lifting the gun to his forehead.

“Shoot. And make sure you aim real good, okaaaay? You wouldn’t want to waste the bullets from Kisarijo-kun’s handgun, would you? Come on, you can do it. Just pull the trigger and let’s see where your thoroughness leads you!”

A second passed.

Another second.

Neither of them moved, completely fixated on each other’s eyes, even their breaths paralyzed. That moment… it was, most likely, terrifying for Yuji. But for Kaito, there was a strange intimacy in looking at each other like this, attention turned entirely to another person and their thoughts. He felt the same rush that he got from going against the detective duo. The same feeling of being everything on someone else’s mind, of his life depending on someone else’s choice. There was a masochistic pleasure in putting himself at risk.

Kaito lowered Yuji’s hands. “I thought so,” Were his last words, as he walked away. Yuji didn’t follow him.

It was after that encounter that he made his way to the school’s garden, after watching the students leave one by one, with a cup of coffee he had grabbed to drink and relax by himself.

And yet the question repeated in his mind.

Omae wa dare da?

Indeed. Who was he? He asked himself that same question so many times, it became, partially, routine. When Yuji asked him, he felt uncontrollably happy… but at the same time, unbearably sad. After all, someone had seen through him. Someone had seen through his barriers and lies and seen the same empty void he did. While he was happy someone could understand he wasn’t Kaito Shokyokusai, the calm, average persona he had fabricated for himself, he couldn’t help but feel lost, knowing they only saw the lack of identity he possessed.

Who was he, really? He wasn’t sure. The more he acted as someone else, the more he lost the bare essence of who he used to be. He wasn’t Louis DuPont, the idealization of a perfect thief who could become anyone. Kaito Shokyokusai was just the silly toymaker he had fabricated for a heist, who happened to be invited to Hope’s Peak Academy. And it had been a long, long time since he felt the name he received from his mother simply didn’t describe him. His identity was a mixture of too many roles, melting and merging, mixing and ever-changing. He absorbed parts of his characters, and before he knew it, everything was a fabrication.

How much of what he felt was real? Was this heavy feeling in his chest, this feeling of despair upon feeling isolated, really his? Was this just another one of the traits he gave one of his many, many past personas? And his longing for friendship? And his fear of allowing himself to feel? And even this precise sentiment, this horrendous idea that he had slowly lost grip on his true self, and now had no idea who he was to begin with? Was this, too, a lie he eventually believed in? Was this the will of which character? Which of the many faces he had created cried these salty tears, and held the coffee cup with such strength?

And he held it stronger, stronger, stronger still…

He only realized what had happened when the sharp pain took over his other senses. He had been staring into the cup, now shattered. The hot coffee was all over his hands and lap, burning his skin. Coffee and blood mixed in his palms, pierced by shards of glass, the horrible pain only worsening by the second.

This blood… it was real, wasn’t it? Could he trust himself enough to believe that?

…of course, yes, he kept bandages with him. A thief never knows when they will get injured like this, so it was best to always carry it around. He struggled to get the roll out of his backpack, with how much it hurt to move his fingers, let alone use his palms, but he managed. Now, all he had to do was take the shards off and wrap the bandages around his hands. It should be easy enough. He could—

Steps. He continued moving, as if he hadn’t noticed. It was too late to run away, as the steps got closer and closer. By the intervals between steps and the pace… yes, he could guess who that was. Even the sound the shoe made was very distinct, when in conjunction with the approximate build of the person.

…

…

He watched from the window as Chika approached Kaito—no, the person calling himself Kaito. That wasn’t even his name. He managed to go back and give Yukie her handgun, first getting rid of his fingerprints (and that guy’s) and then slipping it into her bag, while she was busy with club practice. It took him a while to find a window where he could see the toymaker. When he did, he only watched as he spent a good half an hour staring into his cup of coffee, only to shatter it with his own hands all of a sudden.

Yuji put his thumb in his lips, biting the tip of his nail off as he observed. Taking the gun was an overreaction, he knew that much now that he had time to think about it. He wouldn’t even try to justify it to himself—it was, all things considered, something he shouldn’t have done in the first place. But the way the student going by Kaito Shokyokusai looked at him, crazed smile tainting Yuji’s memories of his half-smiles, always gracing his expression… the way his eyes stared deep into his soul, leaving the lasting impression that he could read his every thought, see through every feeling… the empty, lifeless pink eyes, filled with a mixture of happiness and pain he couldn’t figure out, as he took both his hands and pointed Yukie’s handgun into his own forehead…

He was sweating. He only realized it now, which made him frown even more as Chika took Kaito away from the garden.

That guy wanted to be shot. He sounded almost disappointed when he didn’t. He was beyond his comprehension, at that moment; he was an unreadable riddle, a threat he couldn’t begin to predict.

He was a menace.

He had to act quick.

The detective skills really are genetic, huh?

The ginger bit his nail again, expression shifting to a hatred he couldn’t explain. I’m doing this because I don’t want people to get hurt. I’m nothing like that asshole, that fucking bastard who left my mom! I’m nothing, nothing like him! Even the thought that I share his blood disgusts me! I’m no detective, and I’m no Kisarijo! Another bite, and another one, and another one. It was becoming too short for him to keep doing this. He moved to the next one.

No. He needed to calm down, and act like he always did. Even if his intentions were to protect others from this person, infiltrated amongst his classmates, it wasn’t as if people would stop thinking of him as the bastard son, who was raised by his mom until he was old enough to understand the insults hurled at her. That was all he would ever be. Trying to show off as something other than that… no, it was only logical that it would change nothing. So he should play into their expectations.

He forced a smile. At this point, he didn’t quite remember how it felt, to genuinely smile in public. He ran his fingers through his hair, before deciding to go home. His mother would be worried if he arrived too late, and there wasn’t much he could do at the moment.

[erickmalpicaflores]

Erik Malpica Flores Erik Malpica Flores recommends: SUITS Midseason Finale Recap: Litt Comes At You Fast |

The SUITS midseason finale wrapped up the Great Name Parter Battle of 2018. But wait! There’s more! As the result of Alex Williams’ and Samantha Wheeler’s final showdown — at least for now — Zane Specter Litt experienced yet another major change. Remember when Robert Zane and Harvey Specter weren’t sure who would be managing partner of their newly-merged firm; but they were able to agree that, “either way, Litt comes last,” if nothing else? Well. Litt comes at you fast.

Life, much like Litt, comes at you fast. Well, Suitors, here are the facts. First impressions are not always everything; and when I’m wrong, I say I’m wrong. Once upon a time, Katherine Heigl appeared to be the wrong choice for a new SUITS cast member; and her character, Samantha Wheeler, seemed more like a nuisance — at best — than one worthy of sharing the spotlight with, much like taking it from, established ones. In “Managing Partner,” though, Heigl’s performance was one of the strongest. And Sam was easily the most interesting part of the SUITS mid-season finale’s central rivalry.

Perhaps it was learning Sam’s real background that did the trick. In the typically strong SUITS flashback fashion, the episode told the story of how Samantha Wheeler and Robert Zane became so close. In the early days, before Rand Kaldor Zane even existed, Samantha and Robert became allies in finding out what kind of dirty dealing was being done at Jarvis & Other Lawyers Whose Names We’ve Already Forgotten. An FBI agent had blackmailed Sam into investigating money laundering at the firm; seemingly, Robert just had a feeling something was wrong and wanted to get to the bottom of it.

As it turned out, Robert had already learned about the money laundering six months earlier — something Sam found out when her share of the searching for “something shady” didn’t pan out — and had been paid a significant bonus to make him look complicit. Robert didn’t want anything to do with the money, so he gave it to charity; but a younger, less-used-to-the-game Sam was upset that he hadn’t gone to the authorities. It was when Zane appealed to Sam’s humanity by mentioning that he wanted to protect his daughter, who wanted to be a lawyer one day, that she decided not to report her findings to the FBI. Instead, the two lawyers worked out a way to keep Zane’s name from being dirtied by his partners’ bad decisions, and it involved the birth of Rand Kaldor Zane.

When Tom, the FBI agent, asked Sam why it wasn’t her name on the wall, she said it was because it wasn’t her time yet — but it would be one day. And this is where Ms. Wheeler becomes such a very, very compelling character. Her thanks for keeping Robert (and, by extension, Rachel) safe was to wait around for 12 years for her time to come. During those 12 years, she was Robert’s righthand woman and, apparently, used her talents to his and his clients’ advantage — even if it meant delving into slightly unethical territory. Robert then used that unethical territory as his excuse for not promoting her.

Fast forward to the present day, when Sam felt that she was finally going to get what she had earned all those years ago…but then there was Harvey’s promise to Alex Williams. That little girl who grew up without knowing who her parents were, who was desperate for a good father figure, was almost victimized by always supporting this person who didn’t seem to have any interest in supporting her. Worse yet, it was in wanting to keep yet another daughter — Gavin Andrews’ — from facing the consequences of her father’s ugly actions that she made the mistake that costs her the solo promotion to name partner that she deserved.

Had this background for SUITS’ eighth season’s big story been in place much sooner, the Rehashed Who’s Name Partner Struggle of 2018 could have been a huge hit. Instead, it narrowly escaped becoming a miss.

Litt comes at you fast. Predictably, Williams v. Wheeler had the potential to destroy the firm, and that left Paulsen to find a way to hold it all together. With the stakes so high, both Zane and Specter proved they were unworthy of being managing partner; so, as is SUITS tradition, it was time to make a leadership change. On top of adding two new name partners — yep! The entire “only one name goes on the wall” drama was for nothing! — the firm had to rearrange the existing ones.

Just as major personal changes had Louis Litt ready to take on less responsibility at work, Donna approached him about becoming Insert Firm Name Here’s latest boss. Litt was the only person who had cared enough about the firm to ask other key players (like one Katrina Bennett) not to get involved, and he was even willing to step down and remove his name from the wall in order to make room for the two new ones. It was precisely this willingness to minimize damage and put the firm first, no matter the personal cost, that convinced Donna that Louis was the only person capable of being the adult in the office.

After consulting with Sheila, which was only fair given the couple’s disagreement over whether she should accept a new job title, Louis was ready to seize his rightful seat on the Iron Throne at the head of the table. After Donna had already set him up, all he had to do was swoop in at the right time and say the right things; but as we learned later when Donna and Harvey did their obligatory “let’s confuse the viewers” thing, Donna was the one who had given Louis pointers on exactly what to say and how to say it. So, Litt may officially be the managing parter, but we all know who really runs the show here.

Let’s just call it The Paulsen Firm and get it over with. It has a nice ring to it, anyway.

Thoughts!

“We know that you’ve served your country once before. It’s the chance to serve it again.” Ok, what now? I’m going to need to know more about this.

“Are you saying you’re the new managing partner?” I have never seen the man so smitten.

“Because I don’t mind defending criminals, but I didn’t put myself through law school to work for them.” Two interesting points here: First, ohhhhhh, the irony of working for/with Harvey Specter and Louis Litt, who had broken the law by keeping a fraud at their firm. Second, did 12 Years Ago Robert not realize that defending criminals was…working for them? Interesting.

Donna reminded Louis that his baby will be here in nine months, so I guess that means we’ll need a new-new-new-new-new-new-new-new managing partner sooner rather than later. Her name should be Donna Paulsen, by the way.

Imagine ruining someone’s moral compass in order to make sure that your own shady behavior wouldn’t make it difficult for your daughter to become a lawyer, only to have her fall in love with Mike Ross.

Side note: I miss Rachel Zane.

“I’m not a leader. They won’t follow me.” Raise your hand if your heart hurts.

“Because it’s what insurance companies do: They blame someone else; they call it an act of God. Or, they just say, ‘screw you, come and get it.’” Find the lie. Spoiler: There isn’t one.

“What is it going to take for you to get off the sidelines?” The delivery. Being wrong about Heigl never felt so good.

“Your daughter. I helped you because I would’ve given anything to have someone like you looking out for me, and I didn’t want to take it away from her.” Sam is now a part of a firm that’s a family above all else. It’s what she deserves.

Louis and Harvey hugged. I’m fine.

Alex was willing to put Katrina at risk by having her essentially impersonate Samantha, but he wasn’t willing to let Gavin McJerkface take his burn book on Sam to the Bar. That’s…interesting, to say the least.

For once, Sheila was right. There is no reason why having a child means she should turn down a major promotion. This whole, “how do you have it all” thing that we always ask women? And the constant personal versus professional struggle? It’s tired. Unless we’re going to ask men the same questions and write our male characters as giving up their dreams in order to have families, we need to stop doing it with women.

Sheila was so early into her pregnancy that she didn’t have even a suspicion about it, but then she was immediately able to blame her fight with Louis on “hormones.” Sure, SUITS. That’s exactly how women’s bodies work. Next, we’ll find out that Donna only kissed Harvey that one time because she had PMS or something equally as stupid.

“It means they beat us at our own game, Samantha — whether we like it or not. But do you know what that means? We are surrounded by some badass people. So, let’s stop fighting in here and start fighting everyone else out there.” We. Love. This.

“They’re either both going to accept this, or they’re both going to walk the fuck out the door. Because I am sick of this shit. And I’ll tell you something else: You two are going to goddamn sell it to them.” Rick Hoffman is a gem. Also, in case no one was already aware of this: I, too, was sick of this shit.

“Come on, Pretty.” Was grabbing his arm necessary? What about walking so close together that they may as well have been holding hands? Why is this happening? Can’t wait for it to be completely ignored in SUITS 8.5!

SUITS returns to USA in 2019 with the eighth season’s final six episodes.

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[reloha]

@louisdelac: #he's literally like well obviously nobody who is happy or loved or surrounded by family would choose this.#but the people who are miserable? who will run to anything that promises to stop the pain? who would take apathy over suffering? they might#like ah louis. there's a lot to unpack there.#also i'm using purgatory in the figurative 'a space between heaven and hell after death' way#but if we're being honest#present day louis sure is acting like this is his chance to burn away his sin before he meets god#the penitent monk who believes if he suffers enough he might be redeemed from all his wrongdoings#me getting on my hands and knees like louis i am BEGGING you to love yourself. please. please. please.#and louis stares at me before asking armand to please lift the bookcase of his favorites novels another 50 feet higher into the air#lest he decide to grab a ladder one day and give in to the urge to enjoy himself

still so obsessed with the fact louis immediately thinks of the traumatized and destitute when he talks about who will want to turn during the great conversion, especially in conjunction with his line about how "all vampires are born from trauma" in relation to claudia, and jacob anderson's interview where he's asked if louis regrets becoming a vampire, and he responds "yeah. i think so, i think so. but then, he wouldn't want to be a human again, either"

louis and his view on vampirism as something akin to purgatory - the only people who could ever want it are the ones trying to escape hell. he doesn't want to go back, but it's simultaneously an existence he never believes he (or anyone else) could find happiness in, and so those who already are happy would obviously never choose to turn.