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burketm · 6 months ago

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PERSONALITY BREAKDOWN . — drawn from this post .

MYERS BRIGGS .

INTP — the architect . INTPs are philosophical innovators, fascinated by logical analysis, systems, and design. they are preoccupied with theory, and search for the universal law behind everything they see. they want to understand the unifying themes of life, in all their complexity. INTPs are detached, analytical observers who can seem oblivious to the world around them because they are so deeply absorbed in thought. they spend much of their time in their own heads: exploring concepts, making connections, and seeking understanding of how things work. to the architect, life is an ongoing inquiry into the mysteries of the universe.

(I) introversion . introverts are energized by spending quiet time alone or with a small group. they tend to be more reserved and thoughtful.

(N) intuition . intuitives focus on a more abstract level of thinking; they are more interested in theories, patterns, and explanations. they are often more concerned with the future than the present and are often described as "creative."

(T) thinking . thinkers tend to make decisions with their heads; they are interested in finding the most logical, reasonable choice.

(P) perceiving . percivers appreciate flexibility and spontaneity; they like to leave things open so they can change their minds.

FUNCTION STACK .

(Ti) introverted thinking . introverted thinkers are analytical. personalities with a strong Ti cognitive function tend to be quiet ponderers with a belief system based on personal experiences, previous insights, and discoveries. for this reason, they internalize events around them.

(Ne) extroverted intuition . individuals with Ne as a dominant or auxiliary cognitive function are strong communicators and more readily notice patterns in the events and people around them. they can also articulate these patterns and ideas to others, making them compelling and trusted figures.

(Si) introverted sensing . introverted sensors rely on past experiences to understand present circumstances. sensory input - sight, smell, taste, touch, and sound - plays a crucial role in memory recall and instinct. personalities with a strong Si function, like the ISTJ personality, tend to think inwardly and in patterns.

(Fe) extroverted feeling . cultural norms and societal mores dictate extroverted feelers' belief systems. personalities with a strong Fe function use their beliefs to brainstorm and often exhibit great sensitivity and care for others.

ENNEAGRAM .

PRIMARY TYPE . type five — the investigator . ( head ) the intense, cerebral type. fives are alert, insightful, and curious. they are able to concentrate and focus on developing complex ideas and skills. independent, innovative, and inventive, they can also become preoccupied with their thoughts and imaginary constructs. they become detached, yet high-strung and intense. they typically have problems with eccentricity, nihilism, and isolation.

at their best . visionary pioneers, often ahead of their time, and able to see the world in an entirely new way.

basic fear . being useless, helpless, or incapable

basic desire . to be capable and competent

WING TYPE . type four — the individualist . ( heart ) the sensitive, introspective type. fours are self-aware, sensitive, and reserved. they are emotionally honest, creative, and personal, but can also be moody and self-conscious. withholding themselves from others due to feeling vulnerable and defective, they can also feel disdainful and exempt from ordinary ways of living. they typically have problems with melancholy, self-indulgence, and self-pity.

at their best . inspired and highly creative, they are able to renew themselves and transform their experiences.

basic fear . that they have no identity or personal significance

basic desire . to find themselves and their significance (to create an identity)

TRI-TYPE .

type eight — the challenger ( body ). the powerful, dominating type. eights are self-confident, strong, and assertive. protective, resourceful, straight-talking, and decisive, but can also be ego-centric and domineering. eights feel they must control their environment, especially people, sometimes becoming confrontational and intimidating. eights typically have problems with their tempers and with allowing themselves to be vulnerable. at their best . self-mastering, they use their strength to improve others' lives, becoming heroic, magnanimous, and inspiring basic fear . of being harmed or controlled by others. basic desire . to protect themselves (to be in control of their own life and destiny).

type two — the helper ( heart ). the caring, interpersonal type. twos are empathetic, sincere, and warm-hearted. they are friendly, generous, and self-sacrificing, but can also be sentimental, flattering, and people-pleasing. they are well-meaning and driven to be close to others, but can slip into doing things for others in order to be needed. they typically have problems with possessiveness and with acknowledging their own needs. at their best . unselfish and altruistic, they have unconditional love for others. basic fear . of being unwanted, unworthy of being loved. basic desire . to feel loved.

FOUR TEMPERAMENTS .

PHLEGMATIC-MELANCHOLIC — neutral stability, introverted . the phlegmatic-melancholy combination is driven by two temperament needs. the primary temperament need is to be accommodating. the secondary need is to do things right. either need may dominate their behavior depending on the requirements of the situation.

they are an accommodating, routine person who is concerned about doing things right. they are a natural helped and is the most consistent of all the phlegmatic blends.

they need to be alone most of the time and to spend time with their family.

they are nice, gracious, and cordial people. they rarely show emotion or affection. they are routine, consistent, and loyal.

they have a strong desire for independence and will resist change, especially sudden change.

they are accepting and tolerant of others.

they have a stoic expression. they are more consistent and non-emotional than the other phlegmatic combinations.

they are naturally routine, accommodating, family-oriented, and passive about most things.

they are patient, self-controlled, and deliberate in their behavior.

they are amiable and easygoing, and slowly pace their way through life.

their emotional involvement in a task is not easily observed. they are calm, steady, and persevering - they are successful because of persistence.

after starting a project, they will usually see it through to completion; they rarely give up.

they are independent, questioning, and thorough in their approach, and will follow through.

they want to operate by themselves and set their own pace.

they are very possessive of family time, material things, and friends.

once their mind is made up, they will resist any other method or approach.

they prefer routine work and involvement with a limited number of people.

they are always willing to help those they consider to be their friend.

they have a difficult time saying no.

they have great difficulty confronting or pressuring others, but when they do they can be sarcastic and slightly offensive.

BIG FIVE ( SLOAN ) .

RCOEI .

(R) reserved . reserved types are uncomfortable and/or disinterested with social interaction.

(O) organized . organized types are focused.

(E) egocentric . egocentric types live for themselves.

(I) inquisitive . inquisitive types are insatiable in their quest to know more.

INSTINCTUAL VARIANT .

sp/sx .

(sp) self-preservation . the self-preservation instinct wants to make sure they have everything they need to feel safe, secure, and comfortable. people with a dominant self-preservation instinct prioritize food, shelter, family relationships, and tending to their physical and mental well-being. they'll manage their energy levels and resources to avoid becoming stressed, anxious, or overwhelmed.

(sx) one-to-one . the one-to-one instinct focuses on the intensity of life's experiences and one-on-one relationships (whether romantic or platonic). people with a dominant one-to-one instinct value intimacy, passion, and excitement. they carry a strong energy and actively seek out experiences where they can build bonds with another individual.

ATTITUDINAL PSYCHE .

LVEF — the deviser ( exi sexta ) . LVEF is the attitudinal psyche type that seems the most interested in coming up with action plans to better understand and integrate knowledge, emotions, and the underpinning of reality that binds these abstractions together. the LVEF appears to be protecting their emotional vulnerability by diverting their focus towards collaboration, gathering data, spurring ideas, and creating seamless opinions based on the objective collected data. they may come off as quiet, astute, perceptive, heady, scientific, level-headed, serious, cooperative, well-mannered, and at times anxious over how they come off to others. the LVEF seems to want control over their identity by creating clear maps of knowledge that reflect how life ebbs and flows in numerous directions.

(1L) confident logic . the 1L attitude is characterized by a self-positive (Ls+), and others-negative (Lo-) disposition. this disposition creates an attitude that is acutely aware of its own strengths within the realm of logic. all incoming logical information from others must be pushed through the 1L's subjective interpretation before it is accepted.

(2V) flexible volition . the 2V attitude is characterized by a self-positive (Vs+) and others-positive (Vo+) disposition. this disposition creates an attitude that is acutely aware of how volitional information can be transferred between itself and the outside world in both directions. 2Vs understand the elasticity, usefulness, and creative element within this aspect and generally feel a sense of fearlessness in discussing or sharing information within this realm.

(3E) insecure emotion . the 3E attitude is characterized by a self-negative (Es-) and others-negative (Eo-) disposition. this disposition creates an attitude that is plagued by an awareness of limitations, weakness, harm, negative consequences, and manipulation within the realm of emotion. 3Es have a keen sense of how they can be harmed by emotion.

(4F) unbothered physics . the 4F attitude is characterized by a self-negative (Fs-) and others-positive (Fo+) disposition. this disposition creates an attitude that is unconcerned of how the realm of physics may affect them. the 4F feels a sense of ease regarding physics, and generally desires quick conclusions when they are forced to produce opinions in this realm.

JUNGIAN ARCHETYPE .

the rebel — passionate, nonconforming, courageous . the rebel archetype personifies defiance, nonconformity and a desire for change. rebels challenge the established norms and conventions, usually pursuing some form of justice or freedom.

strengths . rebels play a huge role in driving societal and cultural change and are needed to challenge outdated systems and practices. without them, society would not progress as it should. their willingness to question the norm can inspire those who mindlessly follow authority and encourage them to advocate for their rights and stand up for their beliefs.

weaknesses . unfortunately, the defiance of rebels can lead to conflict and resistance from other groups, leaving them to feel like outsiders. they also exhibit more recklessness - acting impulsively and disregarding any consequences - which could get them into trouble.

SOUL TYPE .

scholar — seeks knowledge . scholars express themselves through intellectual exploration, and the desire to understand and analyze the world around them. scholars have an insatiable thirst for knowledge and a meticulous attention to detail. they possess an analytical and inquisitive nature, seeking to understand the workings of the world. scholars excel in research, analysis, and accumulating specialized knowledge in their areas of interest. they are often keen observers and effective communicators of information.

ALIGNMENT .

neutral — the undecided . a neutral character does what seems to be a good idea. he doesn't feel strongly one way or the other whenit comes to good vs. evil or law vs. chaos. most neutral characters exhibit a lack of conviction or bias rather than a commitment to neutrality. such a character things of good as better than evil - after all, they would rather have good neighbors and rulers than evil ones. still, he's not personally committed to upholding good in any abstract or universal way. some neutral characters, on the other hand, commit themselves philosophically to neutrality. they see good, evil, law, and chaos as prejudices and dangerous extremes. they advocate the middle way of neutrality as the best, most balanced road in the long run.

neutral is the best alignment you can be because it means you act naturally, without prejudice or compulsion.

neutral can be a dangerous alignment when it represents apathy, indifference, and a lack of conviction.

ZODIAC .

sun sign — aquarius . aquarius is one of the most unique signs of the zodiac, and people born under this sign experience a sense of uniqueness. this makes them eccentric and energetic in their fight for freedom, or at times shy and quiet, afraid to express their true personality. in both cases, they are deep thinkers and highly intellectual people who love to fight for idealistic causes. they can see people without prejudice, making them truly special. although they can easily adapt to the energy that surrounds them, aquarius representatives have a deep need for alone time to restore their inner power. the sign of aquarius belongs to the element of air, finishing the story of gemini and libra and connecting them through the opposition of freedom and relationships. they rely on their mind and spoken words most of the time, and without mental stimulation, they might lose interest even in things that initially excited them. they see the world as a place full of possibilities and have a need to be spontaneous, follow the moment, and live life to the fullest, never wasting precious time. uranus is the ruler of aquarius, with its traditional ruler saturn by its side. although uranus has an abrupt, timid, and sometimes aggressive nature, the presence of saturn grounds them enough to help them find the distance they need from other people to remain somewhat indifferent. aquarians are visionaries and are always ready for change, known for their intellectual abilities and for shaking up the world once they're in it. they feel best as part of a certain community, but they might have trouble finding the right place where they truly feel they belong.

positive traits . progressive, original, independent, humanitarian

negative traits . runs from emotional expression, temperamental, uncompromising, aloof

likes . fun with friends, risky business, fighting for causes, intellectual conversations

dislikes . limitations, broken promises, being lonely, dull or boring situations

ruling body associations . freedom, astrology, lightning, risk, humanity, crossroads, chaos, surprises, separation / past, history, debt, karma, weight, illness, restrictions, darkness, depression, bones, ice

moon sign — libra . libra is symbolized by the scales, a visual representation of balance, harmony, and union. those born under this lunation are natural mediators, and libra moons are happiest when keeping the peace. they also thrive in partnership, so it's common to find libra moons moving seamlessly between relationships. in fact, sometimes libra moons may start a new romance while in the middle of another one! libra moons will benefit from finding validation through themselves rather than others.

rising sign — pisces . if you’re a pisces rising, people likely describe you as dreamy and empathetic, and you may sometimes have your head a bit in the clouds. this sign is known as the psychic of the zodiac and since it’s the last sign, it carries all the other signs in it. therefore, you are intrinsically linked to all of humanity. when someone meets you for the first time, you may seem like you’re not paying attention and your mind is elsewhere. that may be partially true, but you are also taking in everything, including the person's words, body language, and underlying emotions. pisces' ruling planet is the magical neptune, which makes you mysterious and alluring.

#⠀ ⠀ ☠ ⠀ ⠀ 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒖𝒏𝒌𝒏𝒐𝒘𝒏 𝒊𝒔 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒍𝒎 𝒐𝒇 𝒊𝒏𝒇𝒊𝒏𝒊𝒕𝒆 𝒑𝒐𝒕𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒊𝒂𝒍 ⠀ ⠀ ╱ ⠀ ⠀ headcanons.

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filmdesque · 9 months ago

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PERSONALITY BREAKDOWN . — drawn from this post .

MYERS BRIGGS .

ISFP — the composer . ISFPs are gentle caretakers who live in the present moment and enjoy their surroundings with cheerful, low-key enthusiasm. they are flexible and spontaneous, and like to go with the flow to enjoy what life has to offer. ISFPs are quiet and unassuming, and may be hard to get to know. however, to those who know them well, the ISFP is warm and friendly, eager to share in life's many experiences. ISFPs have a strong aesthetic sense and seek out beauty in their surroundings. they are attuned to sensory experience, and often have a natural talent for the arts. ISFPs especially excel at manipulating objects, and may wield creative tools like paintbrushes and sculptor's knives with great mastery.

(I) introversion . introverts are energized by spending quiet time alone or with a small group. they tend to be more reserved and thoughtful.

(S) sensing . sensors focus on their five senses and are interested in information they can directly see, hear, feel, and so on. they tend to be hands-on learners and are often described as "practical".

(F) feeling . feelers tend to make decisions with their hearts; they are interested in how a decision will affect people, and whether it fits in with their values.

(P) perceiving . perceivers appreciate flexibility and spontaneity; they like to leave things open so they can change their minds.

FUNCTION STACK .

(Fi) introverted feeling . introverted feelers show empathy and feel others' joy and pain with excellent acuity. personalities with Fi as a dominant or auxiliary function tend to make decisions based on what feels suitable for the group and the current moment.

(Se) extroverted sensing . personality types with a strong Se function take in as much sensory information as possible; this makes them very detail-oriented and observant of the world around them. this function allows people to be present and live in the moment.

(Ni) introverted intuition . this cognitive function allows people to use instincts to navigate the world. people with Ni as a dominant function tend to focus inwardly and might find it challenging to articulate the reasons for decision.

(Te) extroverted thinking . extroverted thinkers rely heavily on reason and research to inform decisions. personalities with strong Te tendencies set emotions aside and use logic. this function allows people to be persuasive.

ENNEAGRAM .

PRIMARY TYPE . type four — the individualist . ( heart ) the sensitive, introspective type. fours are self-aware, sensitive, and reserved. they are emotionally honest, creative, and personal, but can also be moody and self-conscious. withholding themselves from others due to feeling vulnerable and defective, they can also feel disdainful and exempt from ordinary ways of living. they typically have problems with melancholy, self-indulgence, and self-pity.

at their best . inspired and highly creative, they are able to renew themselves and transform their experiences.

basic fear . that they have no identity or personal significance

basic desire . to find themselves and their significance (to create an identity)

WING TYPE . type five — the investigator . ( head ) the intense, cerebral type. fives are alert, insightful, and curious. they are able to concentrate and focus on developing complex ideas and skills. independent, innovative, and inventive, they can also become preoccupied with their thoughts and imaginary constructs. they become detached, yet high-strung and intense. they typically have problems with eccentricity, nihilism, and isolation.

at their best . visionary pioneers, often ahead of their time, and able to see the world in an entirely new way.

basic fear . being useless, helpless, or incapable

basic desire . to be capable and competent

TRI-TYPE .

type six — the loyalist ( head ). the committed, security-oriented type. sixes are reliable, hard-working, responsible, and trustworthy. excellent "troubleshooters", they foresee problems and foster cooperation, but can also become defensive, evasive, and anxious - running on stress while complaining about it. they can be cautious and indecisive, but also reactive, defiant and rebellious. they typically have problems with self-doubt and suspicion. at their best . internally stable and self-reliant, courageously championing themselves and others. basic fear . of being without support and guidance. basic desire . to have security and support.

type nine — the peacemaker ( body ). the easygoing, self-effacing type. enneagram type nines are accepting, trusting, and stable. they are usually creative, optimistic, and supportive, but can also be too willing to go along with others to keep the peace. they want everything to go smoothly and be without conflict, but they can also tend to be complacent, simplifying problems and minimizing anything upsetting. they typically have problems with inertia and stubbornness. at their best . indomitable and all-embracing, they are able to bring people together and heal conflicts. basic fear . of loss and separation. basic desire . to have inner stability "peace of mind".

FOUR TEMPERAMENTS .

MELANCHOLIC ( DOMINANT ) — unstable, introverted . the melancholy naturally wants to do things right, and is quality-oriented. melancholies are not trying to be right, they are driven to figure out what is right. they have a cautious, tentative response designed to reduce tension in an unfavorable environment. the melancholy's second response is often to become aggressive to restore peace in an unforgivable situation. they influence their environment by adhering to existing rules, and by doing things right according to predetermined (and accepted) standards.

they are detail-oriented, operate from a plan, and they are very private.

they are introverted, logical, analytical, and factual in communication.

they need information, time alone to think, and a detailed plan in order to function effectively without anxiety.

they respond to others in a slow, cautious, and indirect manner. they are reserved and suspicious until they are sure of your intentions.

they are timid, may appear unsure, and have a serious expression.

they are self-sacrificing, gifted, and they can be a perfectionist.

they are conscientious, picky, and can be sensitive to what others think of their work.

they have anxiety about the present and future.

they tend to have guilt feelings but fail to realize that guilt will not change the past nor will worry the future. they allow guilt and worry to rob them of enjoying the present.

they are well-organized. they may keep things cluttered, but they will know what is in the piles.

they may take excessive time to think about their options before making a decision. even then, they may not be sure it is the right, and best decision.

they need reassurance, feedback, and reasons why they should do something. they can be moody, which is usually related to their negative evaluation of people or events.

they fear taking risks, making wrong decisions, and being viewed as incompetent. they tend to have a negative attitude toward something new until they have had time to think it through.

they are skeptical about almost everything, but they are creative and capable people.

they tend to get bored with something once they get it figured out.

BIG FIVE ( SLOAN ) .

RLUAI .

(R) reserved . reserved types are uncomfortable and/or disinterested with social interaction.

(L) limbic . limbic types are prone to moodiness.

(U) unstructured . unstructured types are scattered.

(A) accommodating . accommodating types live for others.

(I) inquisitive . inquisitive types are insatiable in their quest to know more.

INSTINCTUAL VARIANT .

sp/sx .

(sx) one-to-one . the one-to-one instinct focuses on the intensity of life's experiences and relationships (whether romantic or platonic). people with a dominant one-to-one instinct value intimacy, passion, and excitement. they carry a strong energy and actively seek out experiences where they can build bonds with another individual.

ATTITUDINAL PSYCHE .

ELVF — the dramatist ( ena sexta ) . ELVF is the attitudinal psyche type that seems the most interested in transmitting their own strong emotional convictions through art, poetry, analytics, and rebellious declarations. the ELVF appears to be protecting their right to emotional and personal autonomy by being highly resistant to others who infringe on this core attitude. they may come off as verbose, talkative, theoretical, self-centered, moody, poetic, artistic, and emotionally blunt. the ELVF seems to want control over their identity through narrating their lives, foraging meaning from their experiences, and retaining their own right to choose which emotional aesthetics get to take up space in their mental sphere.

(1E) confident emotion . the 1E attitude is characterized by a self-positive (Es+), others-negative (Eo-) disposition. this disposition creates an attitude that is acutely aware of its own strengths within the realm of emotion. all incoming emotional information from others must be pushed through the 1E's subjective interpretation before it is accepted.

(2L) flexible logic . the 2L attitude is characterized by a self-positive (Ls+) and others-positive (Lo+) disposition. this disposition creates an attitude that is acutely aware of how logical information can be transferred between itself and the outside world in both directions. 2Ls understand the elasticity, usefulness, and creative element within this aspect and generally feel a sense of fearlessness in discussing or sharing information within this realm.

(3V) insecure volition . the 3V attitude is characterized by a self-negative (Vs-) and others-negative (Vo-) disposition. this disposition creates an attitude that is plagued by an awareness of limitations, weakness, harm, negative consequences, and manipulation within the realm of volition. 3Vs have a keen sense of how they can be harmed by volition.

JUNGIAN ARCHETYPE .

the caregiver — nurturing, selfless, compassionate . caregivers prioritize the well-being of others and are driven by a deep desire to provide support and care. they have a strong instinct to protect and provide comfort to those who are vulnerable.

strengths . a caregiver's empathy and compassion creates a safe and nurturing environment for others so they can heal and grow. their ability to emphasize provides physical care and emotional and spiritual support. they have a selfless nature and will often prioritize the needs of others over their own.

weaknesses . selflessness can slowly become self-neglect for caregivers, as their constant desire to assist others can lead them to neglect their emotional and physical needs. constant exposure to the suffering and needs of others can take an emotional toll on caregivers, especially if they struggle to set healthy boundaries and say "no" in their caregiving roles.

SOUL TYPE .

server — seeks the common good . servers express themselves through acts of service, nurturing, and caretaking, often putting the needs of others before their own. they are the nurturing souls, driven by a genuine desire to assist and support others. servers alleviate suffering. they possess a strong sense of empathy and practicality, making them adept at providing comfort and practical help. servers excel in caring for others, offering kindness, and creating a nurturing environment. they seek the well-being of all.

ALIGNMENT .

neutral good — the benefactor . a neutral good character does the best that a good person can do. he is devoted to helping others. he works with kings and magistrates but does not feel beholden to them.

neutral good is the best alignment you can be because it means doing what is good without bias for or against order.

neutral good can be a dangerous alignment when it advances mediocrity by limiting the actions of the truly capable.

ZODIAC .

sun sign — virgo . virgos are known for their meticulous attention to detail and their deep sense of humanity, which makes them one of the most caring signs of the zodiac. their methodical approach to love and life ensures that nothing is left to chance. although they can be tender, they may keep their heart closed to the outer world. this sign is often misunderstood not because they lack the ability to express themselves, but because they don't always trust their feelings and tend to prioritize reason over emotions. the symbolism behind their name reflects their nature as individuals who approach everything as if it were their first time experiencing it. as an earth sign, virgos fit perfectly between taurus and capricorn, giving them a strong character that favors conservative, well-organized things and practicality in everyday life. they lead organized lives, and even when things become chaotic, their goals and dreams are still strictly defined in their mind. their concern for details is so strong that they can become overly critical and concerned about matters that others may not care much about, constantly worried that they might have missed something that cannot be fixed. with mercury as their ruling planet, virgos have a well-developed sense of speech and writing, as well as other forms of communication. many virgos may choose to pursue careers as writers, journalists, and artists, but their desire to help others makes them natural caregivers who feel a sense of purpose in helping others.

positive traits . loyal, analytical, kind, hardworking, practical.

negative traits . shyness, worry, overly critical of self and others, all work and no play.

likes . animals, healthy food, books, nature, cleanliness.

dislikes . rudeness, asking for help, taking center stage.

ruling body associations . brother, hands, writing, car, street, words, children, expression, mind, voice, ears.

moon sign — pisces . the final sign of the zodiac is associated with great empathy and innate psychic powers. accordingly, sensitive pisces moons are constantly absorbing energy. they feel deeply, and without an anchor, they can easily be engulfed in a sea of emotions. those with this placement should honor their moon sign by celebrating their otherworldly creativity and benevolent generosity. those with pisces moons are also deeply spiritual and philosophical and love sharing their knowledge with others. pisces moons tend to be described as old souls.

rising sign — capricorn . if you're a capricorn rising, you likely come off as mature, organized, and driven you are always put together and prepared. people may think of you as a skilled businessperson with little interest in games, both in your professional and personal life. you strive for greatness, and you expect much of yourself and others. much of this is because strict saturn rules capricorn, giving you major disciplinarian vibes. and yes, rising cap, this can be as kinky as it sounds. while people tend to focus on your ambition, you also have a wild devilish side, which can be addictive to lovers.

#⠀ ⠀ ☪︎ ⠀ ⠀ 𝒊 𝒅𝒐𝒏'𝒕 𝒍𝒊𝒌𝒆 𝒎𝒐𝒔𝒕 𝒑𝒆𝒐𝒑𝒍𝒆 ⠀ ⠀ ╱ ⠀ ⠀ musings.

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niennandil-me-writes · 2 years ago

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2022 retrospective

I created this blog in January of 2022, so I would have a place that isn’t fandom-based to share my writing. Even then, I didn’t expect I’d post this much.

2022 is the year I wrote more than any other year of my life. According to my AO3 statistics, the writing I posted sums up to over 65.000 words (and that is just the work I was comfortable sharing publicly, that doesn’t even include all the smut and vent that I only let a select few see, nor the snippets on my nsfw account, though those are pretty short). That’s more than 3 times the length of the version of 10^infinity that I wrote in 2020 and never posted (which was the first longer story I have finished).

2022 is the year I stopped being a would-be-author and became a writer. I stopped thinking about those big projects that I’m going to write someday, and just started writing. What helped me more than anything was writing short form. With the stories I had tried to work on so far, I’d always been too preoccupied to getting as many words written as possible so I’d reach the good stuff, the few scenes I was writing this for, so I didn’t focus on writing the scenes I was already writing at in an interesting way, and often it felt hollow, like I had built a giant house with no furnishing. With the short oneshots I wrote this year, I was already at the good stuff and I could feel how that improved my writing style, since now I was thinking about every sentence and tried to make every paragraph a joy to read instead of a hurdle to get over. For the first time, I didn’t just think of writing as a complete story but a sum of parts, and that led me to write some sentences that I was proud of fully on their own.

2022 is the year I really got into gore. I wrote my first gorepiece in 2020 and was too ashamed of it to even jokingly admit I’d written something like that. In 2021, I wrote more, but was always careful to keep the descriptions short, so nobody would notice how much I liked writing it. Now “gore” is one of the most used tags on this blog. And of course, I participated in and finished my first Goretober challenge. I’m still quite proud of that.

2022 is the year I stopped writing for an imaginary audience of hundreds and started writing for myself and the few friends that are interested in it. That wouldn’t have been possible if I hadn’t met these friends (mostly through pen and paper), and I am forever grateful for them. I won’t tag you in this, but you know who you are. Your comments, whether fully formulated and constructive or enthusiastic keysmashes, keep me going in this, thank you.

2022 is also the year I started writing for myself. Of course, I’m still happy when other people read my writing, but I noticed that it just made the whole thing more stressful both for me and my readers if I had expectations on who would read my writing and would react to it. I’m now making a conscious effort to not think about that too much. When I write, I want to think of my words, not the responses of other people, and when other people read, they should be focused on the writing, not me figuratively staring at them over the edge of the paper and waiting for their reaction.

I’ve been thinking a lot about these changes in my writing process lately, and how they helped me write more and better than I used to, and I needed to put these thoughts into words, even if it just seems like rambling now that I’m writing this down on New Year’s Eve, with just a few more hours left where it’s considered appropriate to post sappy retrospectives like this.

As for my next goals...

After becoming so comfortable with short writing this year, I want to tackle something of medium length next, slowly working myself towards those epics I used to dream of writing. I’m thinking something with five to eight chapters, maybe around 10.000 words. I have ideas for that in mind already (2 of them fanfictions and 2 original works), but I’ll see where I will take it.

Thank you for reading. I hope all of you have a happy new year.

#not writing #well not directly #retrospective #rambling

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thegoddessoftheunconscious · 3 years ago

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Enneagram Types Cheat Sheet: For typing purposes (from the enneagram institute)

Type 1 - The Reformer

The Rational, Idealistic type; Principled, Purposeful, Self-controlled and Perfectionistic.

Basic fear: of being corrupt, evil, defective

Basic desire: To be good, to have integrity, to be balanced

Holy Idea; Perfection, Serenity. Sin; Anger, Resentment.

Key motivations: Want to be right, to strive higher and improve everything, to be consistent with their ideals, to justify themselves, to be beyond criticism so as not to be condemned by anyone.

Disintegration (stress): methodical Ones suddenly become moody and irrational at Four.

At their Best: wise, discerning, realistic, and noble. Can be morally heroic.

Ones are conscientious and ethical, with a strong sense of right and wrong. They are teachers, crusaders, and advocates for change: always striving to improve things, but afraid of making a mistake. Well-organized, orderly, and fastidious, they try to maintain high standards, but can slip into being critical and perfectionistic. They typically have problems with resentment and impatience.

Type 2 - The Caregiver

The Caring, Interpersonal Type: Generous, Demonstrative, People-pleasing, and Possessive

Basic fear: Of being unwanted, unworthy of being loved

Basic desire: To be loved

Holy Idea; Will, Humility. Sin; Pride, Flattery.

Key motivations: Want to be loved, to express their feelings for others, to be needed and appreciated, to get others to respond to them, to vindicate their claims about themselves.

Disintegration (stress): needy Twos suddenly become aggressive and dominating at Eight.

At their Best: unselfish and altruistic, they have unconditional love for others.

Twos are empathetic, sincere, and warm-hearted. They are friendly, generous, and self-sacrificing, but can also be sentimental, flattering, and people-pleasing. They are well-meaning and driven to be close to others, but can slip into doing things for others in order to be needed. They typically have problems with possessiveness and with acknowledging their own needs.

Type 3 - The Achiever

The Success-Oriented, Pragmatic Type: Adaptable, Excelling, Driven, and Image-Conscious

Basic fear: Of being worthless

Basic desire: To feel valuable and worthwhile

Holy Idea; Hope, Truthfulness. Sin; Deceit, Vanity.

Key motivations: Want to be affirmed, to distinguish themselves from others, to have attention, to be admired, and to impress others.

Disintegration (stress): driven Threes suddenly become disengaged and apathetic at Nine.

At their Best: self-accepting, authentic, everything they seem to be—role models who inspire others.

Threes are self-assured, attractive, and charming. Ambitious, competent, and energetic, they can also be status-conscious and highly driven for advancement. They are diplomatic and poised, but can also be overly concerned with their image and what others think of them. They typically have problems with workaholism and competitiveness.

Type 4 - The Individualist

The Sensitive, Introspective Type: Expressive, Dramatic, Self-Absorbed, and Temperamental

Basic Fear: That they have no identity or personal significance

Basic Desire: To find themselves and their significance (to create an identity)

Holy Idea; Origin, Equanimity. Sin; Envy, Melancholy.

Key motivations: Want to express themselves and their individuality, to create and surround themselves with beauty, to maintain certain moods and feelings, to withdraw to protect their self-image, to take care of emotional needs before attending to anything else, to attract a "rescuer."

Disintegration (stress): aloof Fours suddenly become over-involved and clinging at Two.

At their Best: inspired and highly creative, they are able to renew themselves and transform their experiences.

Fours are self-aware, sensitive, and reserved. They are emotionally honest, creative, and personal, but can also be moody and self-conscious. Withholding themselves from others due to feeling vulnerable and defective, they can also feel disdainful and exempt from ordinary ways of living. They typically have problems with melancholy, self-indulgence, and self-pity.

Type 5 - The Investigator

The Intense, Cerebral Type: Perceptive, Innovative, Secretive, and Isolated

Basic Fear: Being useless, helpless, or incapable

Basic Desire: To be capable and competent

Holy Idea; Omniscience, Non-attachment. Sin; Avarice, Stinginess.

Key motivations: Want to possess knowledge, to understand the environment, to have everything figured out as a way of defending the self from threats from the environment.

Disintegration (stress): detached Fives suddenly become hyperactive and scattered at Seven.

At their Best: visionary pioneers, often ahead of their time, and able to see the world in an entirely new way.

Fives are alert, insightful, and curious. They are able to concentrate and focus on developing complex ideas and skills. Independent, innovative, and inventive, they can also become preoccupied with their thoughts and imaginary constructs. They become detached, yet high-strung and intense. They typically have problems with eccentricity, nihilism, and isolation.

Type 6 - The Loyalist

The Committed, Security-Oriented Type: Engaging, Responsible, Anxious, and Suspicious

Basic Fear: Of being without support and guidance

Basic Desire: To have security and support

Holy Idea; Faith, Courage. Sin; Fear, Cowardice.

Key motivations: Want to have security, to feel supported by others, to have certitude and reassurance, to test the attitudes of others toward them, to fight against anxiety and insecurity.

Disintegration (stress): dutiful Sixes suddenly become competitive and arrogant at Three.

At their Best: internally stable and self-reliant, courageously championing themselves and others.

Sixes are reliable, hard-working, responsible, and trustworthy. Excellent "troubleshooters," they foresee problems and foster cooperation, but can also become defensive, evasive, and anxious—running on stress while complaining about it. They can be cautious and indecisive, but also reactive, defiant and rebellious. They typically have problems with self-doubt and suspicion.

Type 7 - The Enthusiast

The Busy, Variety-Seeking Type: Spontaneous, Versatile, Acquisitive, and Scattered

Basic Fear: Of being deprived and in pain

Basic Desire: To be satisfied and content—to have their needs fulfilled

Holy Idea; Wisdom, Sobriety. Sin; Gluttony, Planning.

Key motivations: Want to maintain their freedom and happiness, to avoid missing out on worthwhile experiences, to keep themselves excited and occupied, to avoid and discharge pain.

Disintegration (stress): scattered Sevens suddenly become perfectionistic and critical at One.

At their Best: they focus their talents on worthwhile goals, becoming appreciative, joyous, and satisfied.

Sevens are extroverted, optimistic, versatile, and spontaneous. Playful, high-spirited, and practical, they can also misapply their many talents, becoming over-extended, scattered, and undisciplined. They constantly seek new and exciting experiences, but can become distracted and exhausted by staying on the go. They typically have problems with impatience and impulsiveness.

Type 8 - The Challenger

The Powerful, Dominating Type: Self-Confident, Decisive, Willful, and Confrontational

Basic Fear: Of being harmed or controlled by others

Basic Desire: To protect themselves (to be in control of their own life and destiny)

Holy Idea; Truth, Innocence. Sin; Lust, Vengeance.

Key motivations: Want to be self-reliant, to prove their strength and resist weakness, to be important in their world, to dominate the environment, and to stay in control of their situation.

Disintegration (stress): self-confident Eights suddenly become secretive and fearful at Five.

At their Best: self- mastering, they use their strength to improve others' lives, becoming heroic, magnanimous, and inspiring.

Eights are self-confident, strong, and assertive. Protective, resourceful, straight-talking, and decisive, but can also be ego-centric and domineering. Eights feel they must control their environment, especially people, sometimes becoming confrontational and intimidating. Eights typically have problems with their tempers and with allowing themselves to be vulnerable.

Type 9 - The Peacemaker

The Easygoing, Self-Effacing Type: Receptive, Reassuring, Agreeable, and Complacent

Basic Fear: Of loss and separation

Basic Desire: To have inner stability and "peace of mind"

Holy Idea; Love, Action. Sin; Sloth, Indolence.

Key motivations: Want to create harmony in their environment, to avoid conflicts and tension, to preserve things as they are, to resist whatever would upset or disturb them.

Disintegration (stress): complacent Nines suddenly become anxious and worried at Six.

At their Best: indomitable and all-embracing, they are able to bring people together and heal conflicts.

Nines are accepting, trusting, and stable. They are usually creative, optimistic, and supportive, but can also be too willing to go along with others to keep the peace. They want everything to go smoothly and be without conflict, but they can also tend to be complacent, simplifying problems and minimizing anything upsetting. They typically have problems with inertia and stubbornness.

#enneagram #personality type #cheat sheet #overview #enneatypes #enneagram 1 #enneagram 2 #enneagram 3 #enneagram 4 #enneagram 5 #enneagram 6 #enneagram 7 #enneagram 8 #enneagram 9 #typing

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ethos-logos-pathos-blog · 3 years ago

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Enneagram Type 5 - The Investigator

- The Enneagram Institute

#enneagram #enneagram aesthetic #enneagram type 5 #type 5 aesthetic #enneagram type five #aesthetic #the investigator

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tokyonymph · 3 years ago

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enneagram aesthetics + playlists: type five, the investigator (5/9)

the intense, cerebral type: perceptive, innovative, secretive, and isolated.

"fives are alert, insightful, and curious. they are able to concentrate and focus on developing complex ideas and skills. independent, innovative, and inventive, they can also become preoccupied with their thoughts and imaginary constructs. they become detached, yet high-strung and intense. they typically have problems with eccentricity, nihilism, and isolation. at their best: visionary pioneers, often ahead of their time, and able to see the world in an entirely new way." - the enneagram institute

[listen on spotify]

tracklist:

atlas: five – sleeping at last ○ i am a rock – simon & garfunkel ○ imitosis – andrew bird ○ houdini – foster the people ○ the 2nd law: isolated system – muse ○ isobel – björk ○ solitude is bliss – tame impala ○ duvet – boa ○ leave my body – florence + the machine ○ analyze – thom yorke ○ crazy – gnarls barkley ○ left of center – suzanne vega ft. joe jackson ○ 2 + 2 = 5 – radiohead ○ trip switch – nothing but thieves ○ the hymn of acxiom – vienna teng

#my posts #moodboard #playlist #enneagram aesthetics #enneagram playlist #enneagram #enneagram 5 #spotify

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puppy-phum · 3 years ago

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Atlas: Enneagram + DMBJ Characters (1/?) ↳ Type Five: Wu Xie

"I finally feel the universe expand – it’s hidden in heartbeats, exhales, and in the hope of open hands." x

@creatorsevents Recreate Your Creation: My old Enneagram + The Untamed -series x

it's been a while since i thought about the enneagram types or listened to sleeping at last. my old series was, however, how i got into editing on this site. i have come a long way since then, editing and fandom wise, and it felt only natural to return to this series for this event. i doubt tho that i will be able to finish all of these edits before it ends (i can leave the tag off later on not to bother the event blog heh)

i am not an expert when it comes to the enneagram types (who even is) but i've always been interested in various types of personality quizzes. sleeping at last's music and the songs about the various types gave me another level of interest. now i wish to apply this love and fondness of the enneagrams and these songs to my newly found (if you can call it that when it's already been over a year) fandom and the characters of daomu biji. i am starting with wu xie as he's the protagonist. here are my thoughts on why he is type five:

"Fives are alert, insightful, and curious. They are able to concentrate and focus on developing complex ideas and skills. Independent, innovative, and inventive, they can also become preoccupied with their thoughts and imaginary constructs. They become detached, yet high-strung and intense."

this is the introduction to type five on the site am using (which i've linked as a source to this post) which seemed like the closest fit to wu xie. assigning these types is always a struggle, and with wu xie, i also considered type two and saw some of the other types in him too. all ppl are complex and no type fits anyone perfectly, so let's just say that wu xie is part type two and most likely has a wing in six (named "the problem-solver"). five is dominant in him however, as fives revolve around the thought of competence and being useful/capable which seemed like driving forces behind wu xie's character. he is also just very thirsty for knowledge which we all love about him (what a nerd).

otherwise, for the good and bad in this type, i looked at the different levels of development (nine different levels). all the types have stages of growth which show their worst and their best qualities. level two says:

"[Fives] observe everything with extraordinary perceptiveness and insight. Most mentally alert, curious, searching intelligence: nothing escapes their notice. Foresight and prediction. Able to concentrate: become engrossed in what has caught their attention."

i think this shows in wu xie during the reboot era when he has grown into himself in the best ways, tho many of the positive traits of fives (being keen to knowledge, wishing to figure out how things work, seeking answers, coming up with plans and different options as well as resourcefulness and insight) are visible during his younger years too. i just think he has cutivated himself more when older, after going through many difficulties.

of the average levels, i felt that level six fit the best:

"[Fives] begin to take an antagonistic stance toward anything which would interfere with their inner world and personal vision. Become provocative and abrasive, with intentionally extreme and radical views. Cynical and argumentative."

and then at his worst wu xie has been on level eight during his sand sea years:

"[Fives] get obsessed yet frightened by their threatening ideas, becoming horrified, delirious, and prey to gross distortions and phobias."

wu xie is very keen to obsessions, overthinking, and self-blame. it is his sense of guilt that often drives him forward and he regrets many things in his life. fives are also said to be keen to isolating themselves which often happens when wu xie doubts his own competence. the worst case is when xiaoge leaves for ten years and wu xie starts his insane mission alone to make sure that xiaoge doesn't have to do this duty again (aka he doubts his ability to fight against forces that harm his friends which leads into self punishment). another example could be xiaoge's memory loss and how wu xie retreats into solving the mystery alone instead of staying beside pangzi and xiaoge at the hospital. he regards it safer to do what he still thinks he's good at instead of wallowing in the feeling of uselessness.

as i see type two traits in wu xie too tho, i think his main instinct is to seek out ppl and connect with them instead of isolating himself inside his own head. type two traits also show in his kindness and forgiveness towards others. with his wing in six, he also brings in his tendency to pull ppl closer, value loyalty, and provide a home for everyone. he is a beacon for others and enjoys this feeling of purpose.

#ceproject2 #dmbj #ultimate note #wu xie #sleeping at last #countaspieceofme #dmbjenneagrams #we've come a long way #sorry i blabber #am open for thoughts #do yall agree #or should i perish

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raayllum · 3 years ago

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Okay but LISTEN!!!

Your enneagram edits have me THINKING. (I don't know much about the enneagram types themselves, but I do know Sleeping At Last. And now my brain is going haywire assigning each of the enneagram songs to different characters (including some I normally don't even think about!))

Soren - One and/or Nine (But the list goes on forever Of all the ways I could be better, in my mind As if I could earn G-d's favor given time Or at least "congratulations"...) (It looks like empathy To understand all sides But I’m just trying to find myself Through someone else’s eyes So show me what to do To restart this heart of mine How do I forgive myself For losing so much time?)

Janai (who I never ever think about BUT) - Three (Maybe I've done enough And your golden child grew up Maybe this trophy isn't real love And with or without it I'm good enough Maybe I've done enough Finally catching up For the first time I see an image of my brokenness Utterly worthy of love Maybe I've done enough)

Kasef (who I also don't normally think about except when you make me FEEL things) - Four (In this game of hide and seek I can't help but think that ordinary has swallowed the key Bodies fashioned out of dirt and dust For a moment we get to be glorious Ice sculptures adorned in light Sand castles built tall in between the tides)

Amaya - Five (I'm hypnotized by this anomaly Such strange uncharted territory A white flag waves in the dark between my head and my heart My armor falls apart As if I could let myself be seen, even deeply known Like I was already brave enough to let go)

Claudia - Seven (OBVIOUSLY) (How wonderful to see a smile on your face It costs farewell tears for a welcome-home parade A secret handshake between me and my one life: I'll find the silver lining no matter what the price)

Aanya (my beloved daughter) - Eight (I’ll shake the ground with all my might I will pull my whole heart up to the surface For the innocent, for the vulnerable I'll show up on the front lines with a purpose And I’ll give all I have, I'll give my blood, give my sweat— An ocean of tears will spill for what is broken I’m shattered porcelain, glued back together again Invincible like I've never been)

Thank you!! I'm excited it's getting you to think about all sorts of different characters and Sleeping At Last's amazing repertoire of music! I did an enneagram deep dive when the songs came out, so when it came to picking out characters to match, I went with the type and lyrics. For ex, I actually associated Claudia as a Five and Soren as a three for the reasons outlined below, as Fives are

and Threes are

I'm tempted to put Aanya as a One, but I leaned more towards the main cast in my categorizing of enneagrams. If I find other lyrics I haven't already done from the songs I may extend to more side characters, but for now the ones lined up are Harrow, Viren, Ezran, Ellis, Claudia, Soren, and Runaan (one for each type, more or less).

I am always here for more Kasef and Janai love! Kasef in particular is one of my under appreciated faves <3

#enneagram #thanks for asking #ljf613 #i feel like while callum & claudia both love learning about magic #claudia is much more of a homebody and callum is more adventurous #so i considered seven for him #even if callum is more 'magic is something i can Use' in some ways than claudia is

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bacchicly · 3 years ago

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Character vs Performer

My first attempt at writing this post started out with an apology for overthinking and for how long this might be and how the ideas are kind of self evident and likely already stated better by those who came before me.

But I am trying really hard to stop apologizing for being me and for doing what I enjoy (i.e. "over" thinking - pouring out words - writing about what interests me and what I care about - in this space that is mine).

So instead THANK YOU for reading and for any thoughts you want to share on this subject! And if you don't want to read my stuff or interact with me - don't. If you don't like my content or it makes you unhappy - block my blog - set your own boundaries and curate the shit out of this space. I'm old - I always have the right number of friends for the moment - and fuck it - I don't deserve to apologize for existing - neither do you. Hurt someone? Yeah we need to make amends and do what we can to stop it from happening again - but just being and doing our best. No apologies required.

Why am I preoccupied with thinking about this?

I am a trained theatre creator. I could not swing a full-time professional career - money, ADHD, family stuff and a desire for stability are some of the reasons. Ideally I would be directing or dramaturging new stage productions - but there is no role on or off stage that I haven't done - I have worked for student, amateur, semi-professional, fringe, and professional productions and companies. I come from a family of writers, teachers, and theatre people. I am married to a writer, performer, and artist. Some of my best friends are performers, writers, and/or techs. The separation between performer and character has always interested me fiercely. I vividly remember acting classes where we dealt with the subject.

So what's my take?

Personally, I would feel wrong writing the type of fictional scenes I'm writing about 99.99%* of real living people without either adequately disguising their identity AND/OR without their explicit consent.

For me this also applies to deceased folks with alive people who loved them who could be expected to defend the person's best interests...

...so DaVinci - ok. Carrie Fisher - no.

*99.99% I still have to put some additional thought into what I believe are the boundaries around including certain living public figures as characters in fiction...so for example a political figure as a lead protagonist in a novel...

Conversely a character - for me - especially in the performance arts - is perforce an imaginary concept that is constructed through a variety of mechanisms and is ultimately malleable and can be reinterpreted within certain bounds...

i.e. You might think of Leonardo DiCaprio if I wrote a scene between Romeo and Juliet...but you might also think of the high school senior you saw play the role in grade school...or your most recent crush. All versions would still be Romeo and valid - but each version would be unique. It's actually tied to one of the key concepts they teach you in theatre school - what responsibility do you have to the original text as a director / performer / designer? How does it differ if the playwright is alive and had clear purpose - than if you you are using a text like Shakespeare? Over and over we are encourage to ask - why? Why this costume? Why these colours? Why this tone of voice? What impact does it have - how do all these choices tie together into a single gestalt?

I suppose at some point a character may be changed so much it is no longer that character... and there is nothing wrong with that.. but the fascinating question is always why? Why claim a character is a character if they are unrecognisable as the original... there are good reasons... there are bad reasons.. but that's what I am always super curious about the why.

Why have you cast both Romeo and Juliet as women? or both as men? Or Romeo as a woman and Juliet as a man? Why have you staged the show in a pool? Why have you made Romeo a chain smoker who is not attracted to Juliet? Why is Romeo clearly in love with Mercutio but trying to convince Juliet he's into her? Why? Why? Why? If you've got a good reason that I can understand - then I can engage with it. Maybe I agree with your point - maybe I don't - but I can deduce what the work is trying to get across or trying to do and how well (or not) it's achieving what the creator set out to do. And yes "to amuse" can be a totally legitimate reason. Full stop.

Where my thinking got muddier, was when I considered the ethics of using - transforming - a character which is currently inseparable from a specific performer.

Is it ethical to use that type of character in this type of writing?

I think... I think I have concluded it's ok... whether the writer is like me and has thought it through ad infinitum or is someone who has jumped into a glorious hobby without much thought... just for the joy of it or whatever personal reason they engage either as a creator or as reader... because I think most people instinctively understand that there is separation between performer and character.

I am ignoring the whole issue of ownership and financial gain.... that is a whole other ball of wax...and for now I've just decided that as long as I make no money at this whole thing - I'm ok on that front.

Further... as someone who has acting training, has performed a variety of roles, and who has helped actors and writers create performances as a director and/or dramaturge...

I believe that most performers have access to training and resources which allow them to separate themselves from their characters or at least identify when they are not doing it in a healthy way.

There are classes dedicated to character thoughts vs actor thoughts.

There are workshops (so important) that teach directors how to create safe spaces for performers and that give actors the tools they need to navigate intimate, violent, or in other ways upsetting scenes.

More and more people talk about boundaries and how to set them...

Consent. It keeps coming back to consent.

If you have read my first fanfic Mountain Air...you will have seen my extremely long embarrassing terrifying author's note in chapter 5 😬...

But if you haven't here's the gist:

I write sex scenes - explicit ones - about characters who will likely always be associated with a single individual performer. So I literally have spent hours upon hours wondering about the morality of me doing this. Is there harm in me creating these works? Am I stealing something from those people? Could the work I do hurt them?

What about readers? Could what I am doing inspire someone to do harm to the performers? What responsibility do I have?

Is it better that I just assume that they will only come across this work I am doing if they want to and therefor it is not harmful?

Did I google a couple times to see if the performers had any hard statements on record about their stance on explicit fan fiction...yup...was it extensive? Nope.

Should it have been. Maybe?

With T.V. I worry less about the writers etc. because of the multiple hands thing...although some of these arguments could definitely apply to characters who have been written by a single creator.

Should I ask for the performers directly for consent? If yes, how could/should that work?

Honnestly could you imagine being a famous actor (it might be different if you were not someone famous on the world stage) and receiving a letter from me... I mean I would phrase it differently but the gist would be:

Dear X,

I promise I am not a crazy stalker but I would like your permission to invoke your body and performance in the minds of my readers.

I really really respect you as a performer and love the character you portrayed and really really want to write about them because of xyz.

BTW I write explicit sex...

So people will definitely be imagining what you look like naked - which we all know happens anyways - since you did the whole XYZ sexy movie thing... but y'know consent in one context does not constitute consent in another.... So what do you say?

I promise to be exceeding verbose about the fact that I am evoking the character you played and not you as a real person... which will probably turn off readers who are really just there for a quick orgasm and some serotonin - which I totally support btw.

So yeah...is that ok?

Thank you and Best Regards,

Bacchic

Ultimately I decided that what I - we - gain by assuming consent due to the lack of easily findable statements denying consent, is more beneficial than us not having this community and the works not being created.

But this is also why I am so fierce about articulating my whys and my boundaries and using the work for what I see as "goodness" instead of "evil".

Using these characters permits us to tap into a community and shorthand which is valuable to me as a writer and to the members of the fandom. We can stand on the shoulders of the work done by the show's creators.

Plus reading and writing and participating in my own weird intense way in this fandom makes me damn happy. It is making me a better writer. A better artist. A better partner and mom. Healthier and happier.

Hopefully my contributions do something similar for someone else?

Based on what I have let myself learn about the performers I am concerned about - I believe that they could get behind being a part of all that. At least I devoutly hope so.

More about why fanfiction (link to be added).

Return to masterlist.

#fanfiction #consent #garvez #writing #character vs performer

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hollandwestbrook · 3 years ago

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Holland Westbrook; identifiers

INTP; Logicians pride themselves on their unique perspectives and vigorous intellect. They can’t help but puzzle over the mysteries of the universe – which may explain why some of the most influential philosophers and scientists of all time have been Logicians. This personality type is fairly rare, but with their creativity and inventiveness, Logicians aren’t afraid to stand out from the crowd.

Earth; You're rational and logical and care about what's real, tangible, and experiential. You learn by doing and focus on realistic and achievable goals. You're methodical and feel most comfortable when you have a routine to follow. You're a homebody who enjoys establishing a loving and welcoming home. Though you may be stubborn and can't be swayed at times, you're also reliable and strive to develop long-lasting friendships with the people around you.

Virgo; Virgo is an earth sign historically represented by the goddess of wheat and agriculture, an association that speaks to Virgo’s deep-rooted presence in the material world. Virgos are logical, practical, and systematic in their approach to life. This earth sign is a perfectionist at heart and isn’t afraid to improve skills through diligent and consistent practice. Virgo rules the digestive system, which makes these earth signs especially attuned to the ingredients that make up a whole — in food and in everything else. They're hyper-aware of every detail.

Five; Fives are alert, insightful, and curious. They are able to concentrate and focus on developing complex ideas and skills. Independent, innovative, and inventive, they can also become preoccupied with their thoughts and imaginary constructs. They become detached, yet high-strung and intense. They typically have problems with eccentricity, nihilism, and isolation. At their Best: visionary pioneers, often ahead of their time, and able to see the world in an entirely new way.

#holland #inspo

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solar-pxwered · 4 years ago

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The Enneagram Personality Test - Ramsay

Type 5 - The Investigator

Basic Fear: Being useless, helpless, or incapable

Basic Desire: To be capable and competent

#A Beast In Human Skin || Ramsay

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vasylia · 4 years ago

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vasylia • the wheel of fortune skeleton • application • connections

age: thirty-five, appears twelve years younger

pronouns: she/her

status: a loyalist in search of stability; advisor-in-training and apprentice to the high priestess

abilities: necromancy, limited by her own inexperience

faceclaim: anya chalotra

tw: death, child death, murder, blood, self harm, disassociation

blood and marrow • personality types

zodiac sign: virgo / virgos are always paying attention to the smallest details and their deep sense of humanity makes them one of the most careful signs of the zodiac. their methodical approach to life ensures that nothing is left to chance, and although they are often tender, their heart might be closed for the outer world.

element: water / water people are emotional, intuitive, deeply creative, empathetic, spiritual and psychic. water allows people to emotionally connect with others. and yet, water people are so sensitive that they often have a hard time unplugging from life’s chaos. consequently, many water people suffer from addiction as they grapple for distraction from life’s pain. thus, water people tend to be secretive and private.

temperament: melancholic / the melancholy naturally wants to do things right, and is quality-oriented. melancholies are not trying to be right, they are driven to figure out what is right. they have a cautious, tentative response designed to reduce tension in an unfavourable environment. the melancholy’s second response is often to become aggressive to restore peace in an unfavourable situation. they influence their environment by adhering to the existing rules, and by doing things right according to predetermined (and accepted) standards.

moral alignment: true neutral / a neutral character does what seems to be a good idea. she doesn't feel strongly one way or the other when it comes to good vs. evil or law vs. chaos. most neutral characters exhibit a lack of conviction or bias rather than a commitment to neutrality. such a character thinks of good as better than evil-after all, she would rather have good neighbours and rulers than evil ones. still, she's not personally committed to upholding good in any abstract or universal way.

enneagram: the investigator / fives are alert, insightful, and curious. they are able to concentrate and focus on developing complex ideas and skills. independent, innovative, and inventive, they can also become preoccupied with their thoughts and imaginary constructs. they become detached, yet high-strung and intense. they typically have problems with eccentricity, nihilism, and isolation.

mbti: intj, ‘the architect’ / an architect (intj) is a person with the introverted, intuitive, thinking, and judging personality traits. these thoughtful tacticians love perfecting the details of life, applying creativity and rationality to everything they do. their inner world is often a private, complex one.

soul type: the scholar / being so focused on information and its logical implications means that scholars are naturally introspective and contemplative. they like to have time alone to fully process their experiences and observations internally, before trying to articulate their thoughts.

tree type: willow / willow signs are bursting with potential, but have a tendency to hold themselves back out of fear. your powers of perception will ultimately allow your true nature to shine, and will lead you to success in life. willows pair well with birch and ivy.

bones and lungs • a genesis

i. the fool, upright innocence, new beginnings, free spirit

The first thing a child sees in its life is its mother, and you are no different. The first thing you know is her, penniless enough that your infanthood would have been nothing short of unremarkable but provided for enough that she could have kept you if she’d wanted to. She has had children before, and she’s felt the billowing warmth that childrearing lends her, but you are stealing something from her. Your mother cannot quite place the feeling, cannot understand what it is you’re doing to her, but when she holds you in her arms she feels her limbs growing heavier, her muscles deaden. You must be, she determines, a punishment - so she resolves to rid herself of you. More important than that, she resolves to make an offering of you. The woman makes the long, arduous journey from Tyrholm, averts road bandits and street beggars and pardoners swearing by religious forgeries; she pushes herself halfway across Markholm with only her conviction to drive her. She commits you to the Temple of the Undying, and this is something she wants known. She wants the great, bipartite deity to know that this largesse of hers is an immolation, a symbol of her devotion. In return, she would have the punishment lifted. And you never see your mother again.

The temple names you Vasylia, assuming the role of a strange, distant mother who plucks the word from between the stars. You have no surname and therefore no genesis, nothing to remind you where you come from and who you are. Of course, as you well know now, none of that matters. As soon as you pass the threshold of that sacred place, it forges an identity for you.

(Your heritage is a secret that tucks itself away from you, like a shadow that shies from the light. You are the result of a union between a travelling merchant and a beautiful, beautiful woman, and this is all your mother has to protect her in life. Those who covet beauty, who wish to steal it away and display it among their wares, are always equipped with a lie or two. The lie is this: he loves her, he does; devotedly, honestly, purely, and he wants her to join him. To travel with him over pale waves and into the cove of pirates. Perhaps he’d believed in that at first, but it ends as all things end; in fiction. He leaves her as all men leave her, with an enormous pouch of gold. Your mother settles in a village at the border of Volkan Forest. You do not live there long. You never learn your mother’s name. Her name is Estrid.)

Life at the Temple is, for the most part, simple. Dull, pedestrian, but simple. Abandoned, you are raised as one amongst many, a single child amidst a whole throng of neglected children. It quickly becomes clear to you that some wield magical abilities, shielded from a world which harshly forejudges them, and some arrive with nothing to them at all. Like you: not even a name. Some of them are sickly, a few of them are malnourished, and far too many of them are the reluctant offspring of poverty, charily offered to the Temple by parents who lament of their penury. But you are not sickly or malnourished or magical, even. You wail out in the dark of night for a mother who doesn’t want you, but which child here does not? At least at first, there is nothing particularly special about you. You are still a child waiting to grow into yourself, and, well, there is nothing unusual about that fact.

Your childhood is, in a word, unremarkable. The Temple does its best to inspire loyalty in the offspring yielded to them - you are, after all, an opportunity for life-long indoctrination. Your earliest days are structured by a conformity which they shake into your bones: the Temple teaches you of the wolves and the snakes and the annihilating body they make as one. On magic, their position is less clear. Messages are mixed. Necromancers are a chosen, sacred few. But the other magi are being punished, cursed for a cycle of blasphemy and adultery and theft and anything else they can conjure up. As with all children, you assume the first thing you hear as gospel, but as the years gallop past you, you find yourself cordoned off by a low drone. The Temple is not so united as it seems, and there are people who whisper in disagreement. You think you are beginning to notice the resentment growing around you, but you are still a child - you know nothing. You determine that it is safer to be ordinary.

You cannot quite be called pious, but you rise with the morning light. You work hard. You devote time to your prayers and you comply with the codes of silence which linger between them. You restock ink and parchment for the Clerics working sedulously at translation. You trim the rose bushes at the edge of the forest. You are untroublesome and, for the most part, amenable; shapeable. You offer a hand to help wherever it may be required, because that is what you’ve always been taught to do. You are nothing much like some of the other children, boisterous and ambitious, hungry for stories of politics and warfare. Hankering to feel the weight of a bronze rapier in their hands, to run their fingers through enemies’ blood and call it an act of cleansing. The Temple is not cruel, but it is cyclical, and the pattern is not enough - for them or for you. But you do as you’re told, your life moves in a progressive rhythm, because what else is there?

You have always needed a hand to guide you.

When life drifts in a sequence it all blurs into one, so you find solace in the small things. You revel in the sanctuary of the forest. Its trees keel into spirals, bent by the weight of their branches. You like the stillness of the air, the way that the birds settle on the branches so completely at peace - unaware of the eyes watching them. You learn that silence is not solitude, that the reticences observed by the Temple do not always bring you peace. In fact, they rarely ever bring you peace, and at times they have the tendency to strangle you. You marvel at the way the water refracts in the moonlight, bending with the shape of its brilliance. It moves furtively and secretly, as if beneath the surface there is buried a whole other world that it hopes to keep concealed. You are never the sort of girl with fantasies mirrored from the vellum of a fairytale book, and you never touch things so delicately that you look to be afraid of them. You would never call yourself a dreamer, but there’s an intensity to you which makes it hard for you to stop staring at things. There are only a couple of children in the Temple you ever feel particularly close to, and when you think back, they are the only things you feel are worth remembering here. Curled up on a stony ledge, watching a religious darkness fall over the ancient rock. Organising altars and scrubbing floorboards and observing silences with a dash of humour. You have never truly felt like you belong anywhere, except when you lay down in the grass or you sit on the cold stone and run your fingertips through the water, imagining that you are somewhere else. It makes this place feel a little less dull.

ii. the hierophant, upright education, knowledge, beliefs

It is perhaps no coincidence that it’s during your sixteenth Summertide that you first raise an animal from the dead, completely by accident. A butterfly, crushed beneath the weight of a snow which is only now beginning to thaw. You cannot describe what brought you to pick it up. Beauty? You have always looked beneath the surface. Macabre as the very idea of it may be, you cannot not help but take it into your hand. You feel its limp body balance in your palm like parchment: you want it to be beautiful again. And as if by magic, it shifts in your palm, it wakes. Half-amazed and half-afraid, you watch how its wings unfurl themselves and its body cracks and distorts itself back into shape. But you are overcome by something strange: the insect sits in the centre of your palm, learning about the world again, but if you were blind you wouldn’t know it. You can’t feel it there. By instinct you clasp your hands around it and bring it into the Temple and, perhaps foolishly, you show them what you have done.

The Temple determines that it is no coincidence that your gift for rebirth, the very echo of Summertide, should reveal itself now. It’s an ancient celebration of renaissance. Fate twists, and the Temple has two Necromancers already, devoted to the craft and resolved to educate you. Educate perhaps puts it generously: they test you, push you, assign you tasks to complete without any tangible goal in sight. They never teach you what it takes, what you must sacrifice, what it truly means to excavate that void between life and death. This is the truth of it: you have been chosen by the Undying Herself and this gift is yours to own, but as with all things we take, it demands sacrifice. A piece of you, snapped off from bone; it lingers there at your side. They teach you that you are different, you are special. The other magi can manipulate solid matter and regenerate limbs, but you are sacred. They will not see twenty-five years, but you? You can live for hundreds of years.

Your schooling begins small. Insects, mice, small woodland creatures. But it’s a demanding, exhausting process - still, you continue to work hard. When you’d brought back that butterfly on the third day of Summertide, it had seemed so easy. A case of simply wishing and being. But things are not so easy now. You find it difficult to pour that same longing into the creatures put down in front of you; you are more sophisticated, less candid. But you do as you’re told, make as many successes as you do failures, and for whatever end goal the Necromancers have in mind for you, you progress.

Then, as if you have not already experienced enough change, the world spins carelessly on its side. You are eighteen and you have been under the tutelage of the Necromancers for just under two years. You feel you are drifting away from the green beauty of that first instance, the first time you bartered with the universe and it chose to answer you. But you are still just a child and your teachers have lived for hundreds of years. Unfortunately, you learn that Necromancers are dangerous, they’re volatile, they’re lethal, and that includes you. It takes little more than the impetuosity of a boy sat next to you at dinnertime, for him to waggishly swipe the bread roll from your plate - as children are mischievously wont to do - for you to wreak tragedy. The action irritates you, infuriates you, even, because you have less patience for things now. You snatch the roll from his hands. Without warning, he collapses, body limp on the floor. You are puzzled at first, you’d scarcely touched him, but as the Brethren roll his body over on the stone, you realise what you have done. The boy is dead. The boy is dead, and you’re learning your emotions have consequences. But this you’ve forgotten. You’ve scrubbed it from your skin raw, as if that will absolve you.

Things are accelerating. You perform your lessons largely in isolation. You are kept away from the other children, particularly those who hope to take vows, because you are dangerous, you cannot be contained. Your tutors take the opportunity to teach you more diligently, more industriously. Your accomplishments are growing: frogs, small birds, rabbits. But the hours are slipping away and you don’t understand what it’s all for, bringing back forest animals contentedly buried beneath the moss. Nevertheless, you move forward. You think you are getting better at this. When you have lived for twenty years, they bring you live animals; they show you how to drain them, how to cleave to your youth. The work you are performing is an honour.

You have always needed a hand to guide you.

Something has changed in you. The forest recedes from you. You wake and you learn and you perform and you dream empty, hollow dreams in an unbroken cycle. More often than not you lie awake for hours, allowing your eyes to rest on a rotting mark in the corner of the ceiling. You smile still and you try to laugh, but as each chuckle worms its way up your throat you feel it strangle you in the process. Sometimes you cough up blood, thick and hard, and you stare at the red spot in confusion. One day, you catch your hand on a piece of shattered glass and feel nothing. You don’t even flinch. At the wound you simply stare and, out of curiosity perhaps, or a pointed desire to hurt at something, you pick up a shard of glass and feel the weight of it in your fingers. And with all the force you have, you burrow it into your flesh. That, you feel. You drop the glass, wincing, and a hot tear rolls down your cheek.

You lie in your bed and wish on a comet for somebody to steal you away from this place. You whisper it into existence. But in the morning you wake and everything is the same. A blur settles into your bones. Things are a cycle, so much more so than when your life had begun. But you know nothing else. You stay.

iii. the wheel of fortune, upright change, cycles, inevitable fate

In your life you have learned much. How to raise animals from the dead. How to canalise energy away from the living and into your bones. You have learned that things change, of course they do, but they also stay the same. For people like you, life motionlessly moves from one event to the next. You remember the day that your life had spun so carelessly on its axis once again with such precision that, at times, you are sure that you are back there. You think that you are back at the Temple, raising rabbits and drawing the lifeforce from dandelions. You think that the clouds are weeping into the earth with salted rain, and the chill of your salvation buries itself into you.

By now, you know she is not your deliverance. There is nothing holy in her but power, and how she revels in it. The woman alights on the Temple without a horse, without a thing to carry her here, and if you had ever been a foolish sort of girl you might have assumed she’d undertaken the journey on foot. But you have never been a fool. You are twenty-five years old. A solemn cold which seems to swell in her at once brings you a much-desired quiet and chills you to the bone. To your surprise, all bow to her. Cower from her. Even your teachers are beneath her. With purpose she pulls you aside, ungloves your hands and takes them in her own, and she promises you that the two of you are the same. She does not fear you, and you have no cause to fear her. You are cut from the same dust and made from the same bones - there’s divinity in that. Like you, she can raise the dead, and what’s more: she’s good at it. Perhaps for the first time in your life you are asked what it is that you want. You feel like the decision is yours. She offers you an ultimatum: remain here, raise rabbits and mice and crows, be nothing; or join her, learn the craft, study beneath her, become something. While you are torn between your desire to flee this place and a thick, breathless lump which lingers at the back of your throat unexplained, it is never really a question. It is an answer. You pack up everything you own: garments, mementos, fear and desire, all. You accept willingly, unthinkingly, blindly. You pass through the egress and step into a shimmering new world.

Even now, that is the only way you can think to describe this place. This new world you have chosen for yourself coruscates beneath the light as if in dance. It’s a world that winks like glitter - Castle Tyrholm is so unlike anything you’ve ever known. By now you are so accustomed to rough hems and the bland taste of food on your tongue that you have forgotten there was anything else. You only know things bland and bloodless, humble devotions. But here? Here, they dress lavishly. Here, they eat lavishly. Here, they live lavishly. You stand at the fortress’ great, impressive windows and you contentedly watch the way the pale waves lick at the black stone, the way the castle bends over the waves and balances on top of the rockline. It’s more than regal: it’s thunderous, luxurious, rich. Of course, you know a little better now. You know that glitter catches in the corner of your eye. It has the tendency to blind you, to force you to look at things between the sequins of a kaleidoscope, all twisted and torn out of shape.

You have been under The High Priestess’ tutelage for two years now, and you feel your life bisecting into two distinct worlds. You must reconcile yourself to that. Statesmanship has very little in common with religion, and unfortunately, that’s all you know. Religion is devotion, fidelity, constancy. Whatever fidelity you see before you has been rigorously shaped, re-wrought in the shadows for years, and that is the only constant here. Still, it does not shake you. Your first lesson is this: you must cut the history of yourself out into stone. You do. You become a silhouette which cleaves to your mentor’s side, a thing that can’t be shaken. Like a shadow you observe the way your mentor manoeuvres; the way she holds her tongue and the way she weaponises it; the way she plumes and crows and deceives as if she’s been doing it for a thousand years. You watch the way that King Septimus’ hands move with hers, shifting in mirrored gestures - like she has attached strings. You become an accepted prerequisite at her side, a creeping outline which follows her devotedly. Part of your status, you brush shoulders with some of the king’s most trusted advisors - you attend assemblies, convocations gathered in the throne-room. You are so far from home now; wherever your home is, wherever it was. You are beginning to learn the meaning of diplomacy: one keeps a knife permanently unsheathed beneath their cloak.

Your instructor resolves to fill in the gaps that the Temple left barren: you learn what you must give up for this gift, you learn of all the grief it has caused you. This is a magic you watch her lean into so deeply at times you think she’ll splinter apart - but, of course, she never has. Never will. This is a truth that lies uneasily in your stomach. It lies heavily on your lungs and it chokes you. You can feel your heart climbing up and down your windpipe - you aim to seize it in your hands, to still it, but you can only retch at it. You’ve lost count of all the creatures you’ve poured yourself into, and you wonder where all those pieces of you are now. The fading feeling of your bones makes sense now, at least; the universe is a glutton and it has been stealing from you. You never even knew the rules of the game.

The king’s physician brings you animals to practice upon. The High Priestess teaches you the most painless portions of yourself to sacrifice: you learn the things you need and the things you can go without. Your abilities are growing, and with that you feel the weight in your chest shift a little - things are becoming easier to swallow. You learn the importance of giving back: to creatures, to people, but also communities, dynasties. Yours are regular faces in the Farmlands which edge on Tyrholm. Here, you resurrect animals, livelihood; they are indebted to you both. One day, a farmer’s son slips from a ladder, cracks his skull open on the coarse ground. The High Priestess takes the opportunity to teach, to have you bring him back. But too much of you clings to the Temple, the way its cold was settling into your bones. The High Priestess’ dissatisfaction is evident. You’ve been studying beneath her for three years now, and still you have not raised a body. She wants you to look at this world without Necromancy directly in the eye: destruction, death, misery. You cast your eye down to the boy and swallow the lump growing in your throat. Grief. As painless as breathing, your teacher brings their son back. The world is better with Necromancers, she has resolved. Dutiful, devoted, you have resolved that as well.

You have always needed a hand to guide you.

As part of your schooling, you ride out with your mentor and Tyrholm’s great military army. To squash rebellion, to quell revolt. The two of you are never far from each other - you are a shadow clinging to a shadow. There’s something about the way that you both sit, regal and harrowing above your white horses, lingering like death at the rear of Septimus’ forces. You are a lethal sight, but your power is not enough. Not yet. You arch over the body of a fallen soldier, but something is stopping you. You try, you really try, but you fail. Half-alive, he blinks back at you. A lungful vibrates at the back of his throat. His chest rises and falls with air, but is nothing in his eye to suggest he recognises the figure bending over him. It is half a failure - but half a failure is still a failure. You have given him nothing human. As if flowing over water, your mentor dismounts her horse and puts an end to her experiment. She doesn’t look at you. You don’t look at you. Sometimes, you can’t bear to.

But your failures do not last forever. When you are thirty-two, you animate a body. At last. It has taken you seven years, seven long years of unlearning the Temple’s way, but at last, success. Of all the places you manage it, it is on the battlefield, and you are in your element. Surrounded by blood and warfare and death - ah, always death. You are getting better at this. At night, you rest your head down on your pillow and you dream. You dream of your hands, reaching out. The Undying God reaches back. You feel you are becoming one with Her.

iv. the high priestess, reversed repressed intuition, confusion, dissonance

You are a vault of fears, but you have spent these last ten years bent on throwing away the key. For the last decade you have been following your mentor indiscriminately, almost blindly, and while you are finally beginning to make progress, you are also beginning to feel that haze gather around your fingertips, weighing down your wrists. You feel yourself swallowing the sensation at times. You don’t like to close your eyes. If you do, you think you are back at the Temple, raising creatures injudiciously, feeling your soul taunt you in the air between you. A cold is settling into your bones again. Your dreams turn themselves inside out and empty themselves when you finally fall asleep, and when you wake in the morning you are confronted with a sense that your emotions have slipped out of you in the night. That you have slipped out of you in the night.

Your fingers pressed to rotting flesh, you decide that the bodies you have brought up in halves are warnings. As their eyes roll demonically back into their skull and the listlessness of their breath catches at the back of their throat, you cannot help but think that your half-failures are warning you. That this is what awaits you should you consider to amble down this narrow path. Not death, but instead life: long, death-defying, rotten life. A life of nullity stretches out in front of you, like a void that opens its black mouth and eats you raw. Impassibility is creeping into you, settling into the spaces between your bones and lungs. The taste of blood in your mouth has recently returned to you, though you only notice it when you can taste at all; you cannot determine whether being able to feel it flip thickly over your tongue brings you a sense of peace or horror. When you slip your rings over your fingers, heavy with all the ore you could never have afforded when you were young, you can’t feel them there. You feel ancient impressions dig their way into you.

Perhaps you have been foolish. You have been believing that carefully handpicking the parts of yourself to sacrifice can go on forever; that you will never feel the weight of your earliest years again. And while that’s true, you have been slicing off the most unforgiving parts of yourself and offering them up to the Undying God, you feel yourself recede from Her. They are determining that these pieces of you are not enough, and They would have you offer more. When you travel out with Septimus’ forces to quell revolts you feel eyes on you: The High Priestess’ eyes, impatient. In the battlefield you are anxious to stop your hands from trembling. Perhaps you can’t bear the pressure. Perhaps you can’t bear yourself. Your teacher is always left to clear up your mess, always left to do the brunt of the work, but she is never cruel about it. Sometimes you wish she was. Then, you might be better.

And yet, you are not all failure. In the last two months you have successfully resurrected five bodies, breathing and seeing and living, and that in itself is commendable. The High Priestess brings you to orphanages, and it is there that you set about your reanimations. While, like always, your mentor bears the brunt of the work, you manage to resurrect four bodies. Three girls, three children, and a boy who has been bound to these walls for too long. At Koldam, much to your own mystification, you bring back another. A Lieutenant, a real piece of chainmail in the king’s military armour. When his undead eyes finally settle upon your face, noticing the way that you lip quivers at your achievement, he breathes a sigh of relief. He looks at you as if you’re an angel, sent from the Undying God to rescue him. You are sent by Her, this you concede, but you are no angel.

Whispers of a coup have been present for as many years you have been beneath The High Priestess’ care, but they are thickening now - they are becoming more difficult to ignore. Still, you ignore them, as you must. You are not ready for Septimus to be toppled, you are not ready for the throne to keel over into the pale waves beneath the black rock. You don’t want to watch it drown, you don’t want to watch it to be torn apart like some; more than anything, you want it to stay put. Every time you squash a rebellion, every time a coup fails, you allow your heart to settle in your chest again. But it only lasts a moment, because treason is always being whispered, mutiny is always being accounted for. What you think of Septimus is irrelevant: you aren’t strong enough to fight for a place in whatever new world results from it. There’s still so much you can’t do, so much you don’t know if you want to do, and even now all you want is balance. It is a line you have toed your whole life and it has always got the better of you: religion and politics; life and death; permanence and impermanence; the girl you were and the girl you are becoming. You want the world to stop spinning. You want stability. You can’t know what you want if everything you know keeps changing.

You are only loosely beginning to learn the sort of vacancy you have inside you. Perhaps if you knew better, if you were better at knowing what you want, you would say: the world is creeping away from me, I am creeping away from me.

Do you still need a hand to guide you?

heart and soul • a making

METAMORPHOSIS: What she wants is stability. If she will live for centuries, she must have something to endure with her. Vasylia’s loyalty is very intricate. She doesn’t quite block out the throne’s transgressions in the same way that Temperance does, but there’s still a degree of selfishness to her fealty. She calls herself a Loyalist not because she believes Septimus is genuinely deserving of her love, but because her body cannot bear the instability. I’d like to see that shift very gradually, though. She can’t cling to this dream of stability forever, not when the path she’s chosen is so weathered by impermanence - and the dream will only become more impossible to uphold if Septimus grows in cruelty. I’d like her to realise that slowly. It begins small: she focuses her attention on those who bear the brunt of his mistreatment. I can see The Star, The Hermit or even The Hierophant factoring into this. And then it grows - whispers intensify. The king’s mistakes become impossible to ignore. Maybe he orders heads to be put on spikes on the castle barracks. Turncoats are beaten and hung as if crucified in the main hall. Equally, it could have nothing to do with violence at all. She may simply determine, like her mentor, that the throne doesn’t suit him. Either way, I’d like Vasylia to move with the developments of the game. She wouldn’t fight for Septimus, but she does tend to ignore whispers of coup. Right now, she is trying to balance the parts of herself she feels at war with; she can’t handle another one. Nevertheless, I want her to be forced to grapple with the fact that this is bigger than her and that she may have to act. I don’t know whether she’s likely to have confided in Vasylia of her intentions (depending on the player), but should the divergence become evident, questions of loyalty would certainly be pulled into the fore. Would she follow her mentor into revolt? There’s an opportunity here for conflict - but also for growth. Growing into the person The High Priestess wants them to be: willing to fight, to take, to reconcile yourself to your powers, hardened to the consequences. I want to see her really become a part of this war rather than hesitating at the edge of it.

NO MORE FALSE HEAVENS: The High Priestess never hesitates, she leans into this gift as deeply as her body is able without prying itself apart, and Vasylia believes that this has always been her way. The same can hardly be said for her, though. She is hesitant, at times she has misgivings, and the sight of a corpse almost always makes her tremble. The High Priestess has been guiding her for ten years now and in that time she’s discovered a lifetime’s worth of arcane knowledge, twice as much power as the Temple ever bequeathed her, but there is still so much she can’t do. What causes her to fail is hesitation, placing one foot in the art and one foot out of it. I suppose this is an alternative to plot #1, depending on which way things develop, but I’d like to see Vasylia turn away from The High Priestess. When she looks at her, at The Sun, she recognises what she might become. It is a fate she wishes to escape, and if she is truly committed to that, she may be forced to act. It’s no easy feat to kill a Necromancer, even one as wavering as herself, but severing ties with The High Priestess could breed disaster. She has always needed a hand to guide her in life, but it’d be fascinating to see her break away from that. The world opens its jaw and waits to swallow her whole, and The High Priestess is certain that without her guidance she’ll falter, but she needs to make herself more than what other people have made her. I’d like to develop her self-sufficiency, her willpower, but most importantly, I’d like to explore her desperation, to develop the recklessness which would no doubt begin to grow. Leaving The High Priestess’ tutelage is a make or break moment: and unless something considerable changes within her, it is likely to be the latter. Over time, she needs to determine whether she wants to be a Necromancer or a human-being. How far is she willing to go to excavate that small part of her, and is the act her genesis or her epilogue?

THE DARK MARK OF ME: As a Necromancer, she’s used to instilling at least a bit of apprehension in others. The Lovers’ eyes scan Vasylia’s skin for evidence of a pulse, a suggestion that, even now, she is alive. More importantly, though, The Emperor goes out of his way to make himself available to listen to her. Listen maybe isn’t the right word, to have his curiosity sated is probably more apt, and in moments of weakness, her secrets spill out of her like a river. He’s used to getting what he wants, and she will not stand in his way. But the very act of this is dangerous; it could breed conflict, consequences, even bring about Vasylia’s death (!?) should information fall into the wrong hands. I don’t think Vasylia has shared her hesitancy to continue down the path that The High Priestess has forged for her with her mentor - there’s no need to, it’s as easily distinguishable as ink spilled on skin - but there could be disastrous consequences should her concerns spill out. Not from The High Priestess, I don’t think, because I don’t see her as having an aim in mind to destroy Vasylia. Her resolve at least appears to be motivated by cutting away the thorns and making space for her prodigy to grow. Yet, Vasylia’s vulnerability is a weakness, and weaknesses can be exploited. While the dynamic between The Emperor and The Wheel of Fortune is… by far one of my favourite character dynamics you’ve written, perhaps The Emperor’s player would like to use this to his advantage in some way. The Emperor certainly isn’t The High Priestess’ first choice for the throne. So, I’d like to see these words come back to bite Vasylia, to further complicate her oscillation between this path or that. She’s no fool, but she by no means has the experience of her mentor. She studies underneath The High Priestess and lauds her propensity for manipulation and schemes, and while in her experience she’s picked up more than enough tricks, her hesitancy is weakness. She sacrifices her feelings and anxieties freely - because he coaxes it out of her, but also because she needs to purge. Over time, I’d like to see Vasylia’s actions breed consequences, over and over and over, to the point that she can’t run from them. She can only follow them blindly down a path she was always meant to.

SKIN AND TEETH: Maybe this is less of a personal plot point and more of a worldbuilding idea, but given that Necromancers have the ability to kill, I’d like Vasylia to dabble in that in the future. It’s something The High Priestess can do as second nature, as if she was born with the gift, and while Vasylia is better at drawing life into her than pouring herself into things, it’s not something she’s easily reconciled to. Still, I’d like to develop her skill here, figure out if it could be of use to The High Priestess or Septimus (because she serves the former first, the latter second). There’s an opportunity here to flesh out a dynamic between Vasylia and The Sun, who of course kills for a living, but I certainly think it’d be an irreversible path for her to walk down - one that, should she give herself over to it, solidifies her fate.

TRICK BOXES: If The High Priestess is the type to gather secrets in her plotting against Septimus, it could be interesting to have Vasylia drop by places such as The Rosewood Maiden in disguise. To gather secrets in a place where secrets are spilled like blood. She wouldn’t even need to disclose her plans to Vasylia if the player didn’t want her to, but I’d love an opportunity to branch out beyond the castle. Much of her life has been limited, either by the Temple or Castle Tyrholm, and it’d be interesting to feel her form an opinion on the ‘outside’ world; to get an idea of the sorts of people she’d be fleeing to should she leave The High Priestess’ care. Alternatively, it could be a good way to turn Vasylia away from her neutrality/loyalty and into the company of revolters.

A PLACE OUT OF MIND: Depending on how things shape up, I’d love to see Vasylia finally become an advisor. Perhaps not to the same degree as her mentor, but in some shape or form, I’d like to have her officially offer advice to the Crown. While The High Priestess’ intentions in extracting her from the Temple are, of course, ambiguous, it’s what she’s been training towards. What would make this even more interesting is: who will she be advisor to? To Septimus? Well, that spot is already taken by her mentor. The Emperor? Well, that depends whether his father can hold onto the throne until he dies. The Chariot? The World? Two vastly different options, but I suppose it depends which of them The High Priestess hopes to install on the throne. Vasylia is already quite content with the notion of serving The Emperor, and that could breed conflict, but it could also change.

WRITTEN IN THE FLESH OF US: While Vasylia is getting better at nominating the more sacrificable parts of herself every time she uses it, the sickness is spreading. She’s heard rumours, though. Rumours of a mage with the inexplicable ability to draw from two bodies of magic. I think The Moon could be a source of real fascination for Vasylia. If she fears anything, it’s that she’ll turn herself so irreversibly over to Necromancy that she loses the essence of who she is. Given that The Moon’s abilities lie in healing, I’d like Vasylia to investigate. If there is a possibility of regeneration, she wants it. It could be an opportunity to rehabilitate her self-image, to reconcile herself to this fate of hers, or even to break away from it - depending on what she discovers.

#d.#i literally just copied and pasted from my app BUT....#THIS WILL DO FOR NOW

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