#pre-named mechanics contest

[steviewashere]

Out of Touch

Rating: General CW: None for this one! Tags: Post-Canon, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Pre-Steve Harrington/Eddie Munson, Getting Together, Touch Starved Steve Harrington, Steve Harrington Has Bad Parents, Steve Harrington Has Self-Esteem Issues, Steve Harrington is a Sweetheart, Eddie Munson is a Sweetheart, Eddie Munson Takes Care of Steve Harrington, Non-Sexual Intimacy, Consensual Touching, Eddie Munson Loves Steve Harrington, Steve Harrington Loves Eddie Munson, Love Confessions

For @steddie-week | July 2nd Prompt: Touch Starved/Hands | WC: 2,703

🫂—————🫂 Steve Harrington is used to touch in the means of getting something. Very rarely is he touched just because; and even then, it’s always so fleeting. He could have sex with the same girl, a new girl, a different girl—a guy, even; he’s not picky—but it always felt so mechanical, so necessary, like it had to happen and then it was over. The skin-to-skin contact was almost like taking an exam; he had to figure this person out, had to find out what made them loud and writhe, and then they’d say he was a good lay, but never return.

He’s sick of it. He just wants the touch to mean something. Or, more accurately, mean nothing in the grand scheme of things. Something simple. Something mundane. Something that said, despite it all, that the person was sticking around.

Because his parents weren’t touchy people—the last time he got a good parental hug had to have been when he was twelve years old. From some championship game won. The trophy in his hand. A slap to his shoulder from his dad and a hug from his mom to say that they were proud. And then…well, the years went by and they weren’t proud of him anymore. He was an embarrassment to their family name, the only kid in the tree incapable of getting into college, the one who had to be taught a lesson. And it’s not like his friends were touchy, either. Tommy liked the touch that pained Steve—fist fights, slap buggy contests, shoving each other around. And Carol would elbow him, rib him for gossip, but nothing else. He didn’t really know what to do when it came to anybody else because nobody else would touch him.

Nancy would when they dated and he remembers that being exceptional. Although, and he never talked about it with her, even her small hands on his skin made him burn alive. Made him hurt. Made him want to die. He thought he could stomach it. And, oddly enough, he sort of could. Because even after she’d step away, turn her back to him as she went to class or left his house, he always wanted her to touch him again. He craved it.

He supposes that he’s always craved it.

But he over-indulged frequently. Or under-indulged. Starved himself from the pleasure of life’s sweet, gentle touches. And when he got his fill, he’d let it fill every last empty crevice within him, and then he came close to throwing up.

Now, after the world doesn’t end for the fourth time, he’s not sure what to do.

He knows how his friends are: Robin’s touch repulsed and will only go out of her way to hold Steve’s hand when it’s detrimental, Dustin overcrowds but doesn’t actually touch except for the Starcourt elevator, Nancy’s still Nancy with her casual sweet touches that Steve gets cavities from, and the others didn’t really do it or didn’t really care to do it or just thought it wasn’t necessary or they were Eddie Munson and he didn’t know what to do with him yet. But Steve was a hungry, hungry, hungry fool. And he needed it. Wanted it. Wanted it so fucking bad, he’d do anything.

Maybe that’s why he finds himself at a lonely house party, somewhere he wasn’t invited. Why he finds himself slinging back cups people hand off, uncaring of the burning thick sugar down his throat. How he gets hands all over his skin, in his unruly hair, down the back of his neck. Lips on his neck and noses in the hollow of his throat. People hugging him as if they know him. Elbows in his side. Fingers dancing up his forearms, making him breakout in goosebumps. He can’t understand it, though, none of this is right. None of it itches that incessant, growling craving he carries. None of it makes him feel good in his skin.

Maybe that’s why he finds himself outside in the front yard of this stranger’s house. Sitting on the freshly cut grass. Autumn dew wetting the seat of his jeans. His eyes far away and unblinking, hands white knuckled and tight around his knees, legs drawn up to his chest, chin digging into his hands, and a wobble to his lips.

“Stevie?” He hears from behind him. And he knows that voice. The rasp. The depth. Can smell the cigarette smoke, even when this person sounds far away. There’s a few, short striding steps. And then there’s a body sitting next to him. “Steve?” Eddie asks softly, “what’re you doing here?”

He grunts. “What are you doing here?” He shoots back.

“Selling,” Eddie answers, “trying to get a little bit of cash for Wayne. You know how it is.” There’s a silence that follows that statement, neither an indulgent one nor a neglectful one. But a pregnant pause nonetheless. “So, Steve, what are you doing here? Thought you didn’t do parties like this anymore.”

Steve sniffs, then. Because Eddie’s unfortunately right. Like he always is because he just is. Maybe that’s why Steve finds it easy to let his heart swell around him; get to that perfect red, shiny balloon within his chest, ready to pop at any moment that Eddie on the off chance rejects him. He swallows, though and finds his voice. “Trying to feel good. Need to feel something.”

Eddie scoffs. “By drinking? Getting in a room full of sweaty, dazed people? Steve, I know you, dude. This isn’t something you enjoy. You don’t ‘feel good’ from this bullshit.” He flinches at that, but seems to have gone unnoticed. “Wouldn’t you like to just be at home right now? You could be watching a movie or something.”

“No,” Steve refuses, shaking his head. “What I want isn’t at my house.”

“Ah,” Eddie sighs. “You’re looking for a person to fill your bed.”

Steve shakes his head again. “Don’t want that,” he mumbles, “want it to mean something.” His face is hot with shame, a curl of sick stretches alive in his stomach, and he thinks he might be trembling. He ducks his red-hot face into his knees.

There’s another silent lull between them. Though, he can feel the weight of this one. The rigid tension between its shoulders and the snap to its spine.

“Baby?” Eddie asks quietly, “you okay?”

Steve meekly shrugs, but doesn’t verbally answer.

Eddie’s palm lands down between Steve’s shoulders. His hand isn’t small, but isn’t big, either. Average in size, warm from the tip of his middle finger to where his palm meets his wrist. It doesn’t move, but it makes Steve tense for a moment. He can’t relax, not yet. Can’t show that he’s been yearning for this.

It sort of—“Hurts,” Steve whimpers.

“Hurts?”

“Your hand,” Steve tries to explain, “it hurts.”

“Oh! Oh…Shit,” Eddie exclaims, drawing his hand away fast as if the touch was repulsive. Maybe it was, Steve realizes. That only makes Steve whine again, louder this time. “Sorry, Steve, I won’t do it—“

Quickly, Steve unfurls himself and reaches out clumsily for Eddie’s left hand again. Fingers tight around his wrist. Drawing him back in. Placing Eddie’s palm over the right side of his neck. His thumb just long enough to skim the underside of Steve’s Adam’s apple. He breathes out a shuttering sigh as the touch finally settles in him.

“You’re burning up under me,” Eddie comments quietly. “You sure you’re okay?”

Steve nods. Bites down on his lip, releases it slowly. “It hurts,” he states again. “Hurts like you’re trying to burn me alive.”

“Shit,” Eddie softly curses, trying to draw away again.

“No, please,” Steve begins to plead, shooting out his hand to lay atop the back of Eddie’s. “Please don’t. I need it—Need—Don’t—“ His breath catches at the base of his throat. Like he’s drowning for this. And, with how careful Eddie’s hand is, with the gentleness of his voice—Steve’s ready to lay down and die for it. If that’s the only way he can be satisfied. He closes his eyes as if that’ll keep Eddie from seeing him. “Please don’t,” he says again, a hesitant moment later, Eddie’s palm still unsettled.

Next to him, Eddie swallows harshly. Sighs sharply through his nose. Scoots a little closer, but doesn’t pull away again. “Okay,” he mutters. “Just—I’m done selling tonight if you wanna hangout at mine. I think you’ll be more comfortable if you have just one set of eyes on you. You wanna?” Steve, without words, agrees.

And roughly thirty minutes later, he’s sitting across from Eddie on his mattress. They’re still in their outfits they wore to the party. Steve in jeans and a maroon polo. Eddie in his usual get-up, minus the vest and leather jacket. He tied his hair up, though, and Steve can’t stop himself from gazing at the few loose strands that fall down to his shoulders.

“How should we do this, Steve? Where shouldn’t I touch you? What shouldn’t I do?”

He tentatively reaches for Eddie’s right hand, clasping it between his own. There aren’t any rings on his fingers. “Don’t be rough,” he states, “and don’t be condescending. Don’t tease me. And…nowhere below the torso, please.”

“M’kay,” Eddie murmurs. “How about I start here?” And he places his palm back where it was at the party, over the right side of Steve’s neck. Steve merely nods. “And if I add both hands? Does that…does that hurt?”

“A little,” Steve admits, “but it’s a good hurt, Eds. Just need this, please.”

His hands shift to Steve’s shoulders. Squeezes. And Steve’s next sigh stutters, gearing up to cry, probably. Then down his arms, to his biceps and the crook of his elbows and his forearms, but not his hands—not yet, at least.

“Can I touch your torso or do you need a break?”

Steve takes a shaking deep breath. Nods. “Give me just a second,” he whispers.

“We have all the time, Stevie. I just want you to…feel good.” They lock stares briefly, both wide-eyed and a little amused. “That sounded weird,” Eddie adds. “I meant like…I mean. Just wanna take care of you, I guess. You deserve to feel good. Have nice things.”

He gives Eddie a knowing little smirk. “You like me,” Steve gently teases, testing the waters.

“So?”

Steve blinks. Surprised. Taken aback. “What like—“

“More than friends? Yeah, thought you’d notice eventually, Stevie. I’m not exactly subtle.” Eddie regards him warily, though. A little bit more guarded than before. “Hopefully that isn’t a problem, though, right?”

“Of course it isn’t,” Steve answers immediately. “Just didn’t think feelings were reciprocated here. Makes me sort of…kinda nervous, if I’m being honest.”

“Mm,” Eddie hums. “Well, they are. And—Just so you know, this isn’t me trying to like get in your pants or whatever. I genuinely like you, Steve. And I do, y’know, want you to be taken care of. For you to enjoy stuff like this without it hurting. Without it burning, I guess.”

“Can we do it again, then? How about—“ And Steve picks up both of Eddie’s hands within his own, but doesn’t hold to them, barely lets the touch linger. Places them both flat against his chest, Eddie’s fingers splayed towards his collarbone and the bottom of his palms in the middle of Steve’s chest. “Just touch me gently there.” He places his own hands on the back of Eddie’s. Shuts his eyes. Breathes as calmly as he can through his nose. Receding tears just as fast as they make themselves known.

Eddie doesn’t move his palms like Steve thought he would. Instead, he sweeps his thumbs up and down over the polo. Fingers curling in slightly before coming back up, almost like he’s carefully scratching at Steve. And it kind of is, Steve supposes, and it feels surprisingly nice. Enough to make something shiver through him, cold and sharp and tingling. It melts away at the ebbing of anxiety that had knotted at the party, where everything felt wrong and incomparable and unsurprisingly mechanical.

The way Eddie touched him was reverent and understanding. It was new. Heartfelt. Woven with a love far deeper than what he just confessed. And Steve leans into it. Pitches forward slightly as Eddie’s hands remain where they’re being held against Steve’s chest.

“Can feel your heart beating,” Eddie comments quietly, “it’s steady, slow, deep.”

Steve hums. “You make me feel calm,” he confesses, “like I don’t have to show you that I’m worthy.”

“Worthy of what?”

“Being touched,” he answers. Hesitates. "Being loved," he adds, hushed.

Eddie’s next breath is tight, through his nose, big.

“You never have to prove yourself to me, sweetheart,” Eddie breathes. “You’re enough.”

Steve’s hands twitch over Eddie’s, clenching over them. He can’t stop his reaction. The tears that fall fast and searing down his cheeks to the underside of his jaw. Or the way his cheeks flush. Or the weight of his stuttering breaths. And especially can’t stifle the just barely wet sobs cracking open from his chest. With heightened clarity, he wonders if Eddie can feel the break in his chest, too.

He carefully withdraws Eddie’s hands from his chest and just rests with them in his grip. Loosely holding on, but not willing to let go. Letting himself soak in what he’s being offered. Not out of fear that it’ll be taken, not this time at least, but knowing he can have it. Knowing that Eddie wouldn’t be so heartless as to take it away right when it’s literally within Steve’s grasp.

Eddie’s thumbs rub firmly in small circles over the backs of Steve’s hands. He’s quiet. Just breathing; a bit nasally, but otherwise smooth. He’s there, though, to keep holding on as Steve breaks down nearly silent.

“God, you overwhelm me sometimes,” Steve admits, though not unkindly, “but in a good way and I don’t understand it.” He squeezes tightly at Eddie’s fingers. “Everybody else makes me feel like I’m going insane. Makes me feel like I’m doing something wrong or that I’m wrong or that they just fucking hate my guts or something. But you touch me and you speak to me and you wait up on me in a way that…I’m burning alive, but it’s not dangerous. It’s not—I’m not explaining this right.”

Gently, Eddie shushes him. Keeps his voce low and measured as he says, “I understand, Steve. I’m hearing you, alright? I take this with whatever pace you set. And I’ll respect that, okay? I ask for nothing; I want nothing back from you; You owe me nothing.”

“But I…I wanna give you the world, Eds. I wanna—You make something different, I don’t—“

“This, Steve,” Eddie says, tugging their hands back and forth between them, “is my world.” He leans in, not close enough to touch noses, but just enough that Steve can smell mint on his breath. “You’re my world, Steve. I take you as-is. I take what you offer. I give back when I can.”

Eddie’s hands hold more firmly to Steve’s. And that touch alone seals that fracture in Steve’s chest. It melds, it sets, it soothes. Steve can breathe under it. He can sigh and he can relax, so he does.

“You ever been the little spoon, Steve?”

Taken a bit off guard, but welcoming it, Steve chuckles. “No, Eds, I haven’t.”

“Mm, you wanna try it out? Lay down and relax for a little while?”

Steve thinks for a second. Would it overwhelm him beyond what’s felt good? Would it be a make-or-break? Can he just have it? And since Eddie’s offering, he supposes he can. “Yeah, Eds. Sure. Just be careful with me.”

“Never have to ask for that, sweetheart. Comes with the love.”

“You love me?”

“Steve.” Eddie levels him with a look. “I would do illegal shit—“

“You already do illegal shit.”

“I’d do more illegal shit just to make sure you’ve got everything you could ever need.”

Smiling a soft thing, Steve lets himself believe that. Because Eddie, in the time Steve’s known him, is surprisingly honest. “I love you, too.”

🫂—————🫂

[strangegutz]

Hey what’s up, it’s just about midnight, here’s some information on CompanDroids and Eddie under the cut.

HEADS UP! Some mature/NSFW subject matter

Broad scope:

-CompanDroids were manufactured by Ramirez Robotics 83 years ago.

-They were created to be companions and caretakers, making them strong, soft, reliable, and people pleasers.

-There is a model for each letter of the alphabet, 13 male models and 13 females, alternating. For example, Eddie is a model E, his female counterpart would be the model F. Each pair “matches”

-Each model is based on a different celebrity, from actors, to models, to TV show hosts. For example, Eddie’s face-sake was a Mexican heartthrob actor, Navarro Riviera, and model F was a Mexican Miss Universe contestant.

-There were different cosmetic changes available for a handful of models in the form of hair colors or styles, particularly for those based on actors, styled after their various roles.

-ComDro’s were available in “Standard” and “Deluxe,” Deluxe packages allowed for more functionality, like eating, drinking, smoking, and for a few select models, sex.

-The contracts for these celebrities were murky, and many didn’t realize the full scope of how the androids would function or be used.

-Ramirez Robotics went under 20 years after the release of the CompanDroids (63 years before current)

-CompanDroids are extremely rare, as they were already very expensive, and now vintage.

-CompanDroids, as they are now, are more or less integrated into society as independent people, and mostly seen as an unusual novelty, though the greater public tends to only remember more salacious details about their functionality.

-They remain one of the most high tech inventions of all time.

Looking in:

-ComDro’s have their power bank located at the top of their spine. They run on electricity, and need to charge themselves via a port located on the back of their neck. Eddie has had himself outfitted with a nuclear battery, and has spares.

-They can get drunk or high, internal sensors detect the chemical composition of various substances and adjust function accordingly.

-They have a simulated heartbeat in the form of a faint vibration in the chest.

-A diagnostic panel is located in the left forearm, which has a screen, small keyboard, a few ports, and their serial number.

-The visible seam lines on their bodies are cosmetic, there are many more seams for access that are flush and hard to see.

-Standard models can upgrade to Deluxe models with a kit.

-Certain “involuntary” bodily functions, like becoming intoxicated, sweating, blushing, or arousal, can be manually controlled, or turned off all together by the android themself.

Eddie himself:

-Eddie was a pre-order, specifically picked to look like Navarro Riviera’s character, Sheriff DeLeon, in a romantic drama western.

-Eddie was originally a standard CompanDroid, but worked for and paid for his own upgrade kit as a free bot.

-Eddie’s serial number is E-013, he named himself after how his number would have read as a deluxe edition, ED-013

-He painted his eyes black the night he was “let go,” but didn’t swap to LED light eyes until later

-CompanDroids have feeling in their internal mechanics, Eddie finds the sensation pleasurable and erotic, though is very selective about who can touch his internals in any context.

-To avoid any uncomfortable situations, he toggles his “arousal” routines off during repairs or maintenance, but prefers to feel all sensations naturally otherwise.

-Being an old computer, Eddie is a bit “off” in the software, he is twitchy and violent, but is loyal and can be a great caregiver and people pleaser to his friends.

-Eddie’s CPU being overloaded will cause his voice to hitch and stutter like a computer’s audio would, as well as his eye LEDs flickering slightly. This would happen in an extreme stress situation, downloading large files of information, but most often when he climaxes in bed.

-Eddie has a very skewed sense of age, as he doesn’t age at all. He tends to always think of people having the same age and capabilities as when he met them, like continuing to see Zeki as a naive 23 year old.

I did not include every single one of my thoughts here but this is good enough for now I think! And if you have any explicit questions take them over to @strangeorganz !

[robo-knight-2]

Pokémon Trainer OC #5 (Sinnoh)

Ok so going onto the fifth pokemon trainer OC and I am going to keep the same rules as the previous OCs of only using pokemon found in Sinnoh, being able to use Pre-evolution and evolutions of Sinnoh pokemon that are found in future generations in this trainer's team, being able to use regional variations of Sinnoh in the trainer's team, and assuming Gen 9 pokemon battle mechanics.

Actual Character

Ok so this character is from Sinnoh, and their name is Luna Emily who is 5'5" and is roughly 144 pounds. Luna is a 21 years old female and goes by she/they pronouns. Luna has a profession as a historian and they usually ride on public transportation such as busses, boats, and planes. they have a skin tone like Milk, maple blond hair usually set up in a loose bang bun, brown eyes, and wears a somewhat adventure-esc outfit

This is the best I could do in terms of looks using Hero Forge

Her Pokémon Team

Yggdrasil the Torterra. Gained from Professor Rowan as a Turtwig, Yggdrasil has the Jolly Nature, with the Loaded Dice held item, and the Overgrown Ability. and as for their moveset they have they are Shell Smash, Wood Hammer, Headlong Rush, and Rock Blast.

Volcannon the Magmortar. The Second pokemon on Luna's Team is Volcannon the Magmortar, they have the Heavy-duty boots, the flame body ability, a timid nature, and the moveset of Fire Blast, Scorching Sands, Thunderbolt, and Knock off. finally they got Volcannon as a magby from route 227

Fin the Floatzel: the third pokemon on this team is Fin the Floatzel. it has the Jolly Nature, the Water Veil Ability, and the Leftovers Item. in addition it's moveset is Bulk Up, Wave Crash, Ice Spinner, and Aqua Jet. and Luna met Fin as a on route 213

Ranmaru the Lucario: When it comes to Luna's forth pokemon it is Ranmaru the Lucario, it has the Inner Focus ability, Ability Shield Held Item, and the moveset for Ranmaru is Swords Dance, Close Combat, Meteor Mash, and Crunch. and Luna was given Ranmaru as a Riolu from Riley

Concorde the Staraptor: The fifth member of Luna's Team is Concorde the Staraptor. they hace a Jolly Nature, the Intimidate ability, and hold the Sharp Beak item. as for their moveset it is Brave Bird, Roost, U-Turn, and Close Combat. and they got Concorde on route 201 as a Starly.

Sparx the Luxray: The Final member of Luna's team is Sparx the Luxray. Sparx would have the Adamant Nature, holds a Flame Orb, and has the Guts ability. in addition they have the moveset of Wild Charge, Crunch, Superpower, and Facade. finally Luna had met Sparx on route 202

Other Info

outside of their typical work as a Historian Luna does contests at the local contest halls of whatever region and town she is in.

the specific museum that Luna works in is the Eterna Historical Museum, but she will work at other museums (such as the Luminose Museum) to do presentations if she gets the OK from her boss.

Luna is also the person who is behind any sort of special events whenever she is at the Eterna Historical Museum, so whether it is a Gala, a special lunch in, or something else, Luna would most likely be behind it

given how often Luna utilizes Public Transportation, She has a card that allows her to get onto any form of public transportation that takes it.

While on the public transportation, Luna usually listens to different types of music and podcasts, whether it is something educational like the pokemon version of Extra History or History Summarized or music like from compozers like the pokemon versions of Wolfgang Amudeus Mozart or Ludwig van Beethoven, but basically so long as she can listen in to it while on the go and she is golden

[inventors-fair]

As Opposed: Trigger Winners

Our winners this week are @curiooftheheart, @hypexion and @reaperfromtheabyss!

@curiooftheheart — Manatrail Crawler

See, this is the kind of thing where your opponents are gonna be naturally doing the trigger effect, and yeah, they're gonna be a little bit wary because you'll be getting more cards, but that means they'll temper themselves, not go full stop. This card forces your opponents to focus on the long-game plans and the way that their natural limited instincts will be shifted towards a further game state. This is pretty much the kind of card that I was thinking of when I made this contest, so hey, prop to you for that. Before getting into the real nitty-gritty, I should make my flavor notes: this card totally tracks. You have a gorgeous nudibranch-looking terrestrial gloopy thing that follows and grows where planeswalkers are seeding energy. Checks out! And then, the slug is full of energy, so... Uh... Eat it? I'm down. You don't necessarily need flavor text, so that's fine, although I'm curious what you might've thought of if anything came up.

But yes, I would P1P1 this, but I don't think I'd pivot if I was opening this not in my colors. If I was in GX going into packs 2 or 3, or if this was part of a sealed pool especially, I'd be delighted to open it. Even if you're not getting the card advantage, it's a desperate way to get two additional life if you're in the late-late game. +1/+1 counter synergies, green pump spells for toughness, red power buffs, blue draw synergies, black death triggers, white toughness boost/lifegain... Like, I would think you're balancing on the edge of generic with how many different archetypes it's hinting towards, but it's a pretty broad edge with the strength of the card itself, and it's telling the kind of little story that's putting it ahead of just "creature exists" that it could be, through a mix of mechanical/typing/name blending together. For a squishy mucosal thing, this card's really solid. 

@hypexion — Gitaxian Study

Ha! Nice. This card's super evil, because in multiplayer games you're gonna have to deal with being the pseudo-Rhystic guy (except people want you to lose life), and in limited you're just gonna stomp out by choosing 'Creature' almost every time. Depends on the environment, I guess. But wow, this card feels nasty. Paying life to draw cards always feels like you're getting away with stuff you shouldn't, and in terms of Phyrexian mana, this is another one of those old-school feelings where you're landing something that feels like it generates you a lot more advantage than just paying U would. I suppose you are, because you can pop off a card if you're tapped out at the cost of life.

Is this card as powerful as its predecessors? Whatever they are, I mean. I say no, and I say that that's a good thing. It's obviously strong because, well, the card advantage is undeniable. Sort of. Your opponents might play fewer of the things they want to, but they're still gonna play them, just with a target on you and your enchantment. I think it changes the timing more than it does the play style, y'know? They're gonna savor the other spells in their deck and use them in different ways to get around you drawing more, even though if you chose right they're gonna eventually have to contend with the fact that you're getting at least one draw almost guaranteed. So yeah, the balance here: surprisingly deec. Per usual ending notes, I feel you could potentially have gone with some pithy flavor text in a pre-ONE style of nasty Gitaxian nuance, but I understand why you didn't here, tis not 100% necessary. I do love those surgical one-liners, though. 

@reaperfromtheabyss — Fear of Forgetting

You know what I woul do? Every time this made contact with an opponent, as they decide which card to discard, I'd say: "Don't forget the other trigger." And I would laugh. And I would rightfully get smacked from here to the highlands for it. Worth it? Absolutely. This is certainly less reactive than some of the other cards that trigger off your opponents going about their business, but in a Duskmourn-ian environment with a lot of hand shenanigans on the loose, this thing's a real pain in the butt. I'm just thinking about those cycling creatures, and all that reanimation stuff built into the other colors as well... Sheesh. I would absolutely hate for this thing to hit the table and I would love so much to play it.

Some cards do find themselves in the crosshairs. After all, if you're running a deck with any sort of wheel effects, then you're about to make yourself public enemy number one. That's honestly an argument for "one or more cards" and milling equal to the greatest mana value among cards discarded this way, just to ensure that you're not totally evil, or maybe there's a way to mute the trigger to once a turn, but in a vacuum? I'm just paranoid that whoever plays this will be antagonized even though, honestly, this card's just plain decent—not game-breakingly horrible until you break out the combo and synergy nonsense. It encourages blocking, it's a stressful win-con, it's a beast in limited, and there's not much more you can ask for other than to please don't give it flying, oh no, here it comes. The art direction is definitively terrifying and I can picture the grotesqueness of it all for sure. What an absolute whalloper of a card, man.

Whew! Runners to follow, hoo rah. @abelzumi

[alexthegamingboy]

Toonami Weekly Recap 08/17/2024

Rick and Morty: The Anime EP#01 - Girl Who Manipulates Time: The Galatic Federation is about to destroy a planet giving up all means of armed confrontation, but it is interrupted as Summer hacks into their spaceship systems. The story jumps to a timepoint which the Galatic Federation abducts Rick from the Smith family. They are seeking for his new invention that can reduce time entropy and reverse time flow. This Rick turns out to be a dummy arranged with the help of Summer, and the real Rick is at somewhere else tracking down his enemy along with Space Beth. Meanwhile, Morty is using a virtual reality gaming device given by Rick in his room, and enters into simulation of multiple universes all at once. He uses different tactics against his first enemies; may or may not be saved from an attacking monster; encounters a girl named Elle, a man named Frank or a Rick losing his Morty; may or may not be clear that the game world he experiences is fictional; treasures the Nander Dragon's tear gifted from Elle or Frank; lives an ordinary life or serves as the President until his death; and may or may not have a touching reunion with Frank or Elle. As Rick is returning home to pick up Morty, Summer terminates Morty's simulation in the end, while he is reuniting with Elle.

Post-credits scene: Cronenberg versions of Morty and Elle recreates the reunion scene, before they are both hunted down by Jerry Prime as food.

Demon Slayer: Swordsmith Village Arc EP#02 (46) - Yoriichi Type Zero: Tanjiro tries to defend the boy from Muichiro but is knocked unconscious for interfering. The boy, Kotetsu, explains that the "man" he saw is actually a mechanical training doll, built during the Sengoku period. Made by his ancestors, it is his only heirloom. Tanjiro agrees to protect it but they find Muichiro’s training has caused severe damage. After Kotetsu discovers it remains functional, he orders Tanjiro to train with it and surpass the arrogant Muichiro. However, training proves harsh as Kotetsu denies Tanjiro food and water when he fails to improve. When he faints from exhaustion, Tanjiro imagines himself in the afterlife and sees a peculiar stone in the Sanzu River, enabling him to detect attacks pre-emptively. He lands a powerful blow on the doll's head, which reveals a concealed sword.

-Toonami Rewind Shows-

Sailor Moon EP#16 - A Girl's Dream: Usagi Becomes a Bride: Usagi's home economics teacher is getting married, and she and Rei become obsessed with a contest for handmade wedding dresses. Nephrite implants a monster in some fabric purchased by the bride-to-be.

Sailor Moon EP#17 - Usagi's a Model: The Flash of the Monster Camera: A student from Rei's school is an expert photographer. She and others try to become models to attract fame and fortune, but the boy and his camera are under the influence of the Dark Kingdom.

Slightly Damned Page 1129: https://www.sdamned.com/comic/1129

[nitrosodiumrapidproto]

Looking at Bullet Hells

I'm not such a fan of this genre, since the games often lend themselves to high skill levels and punishing gameplay loops. Not only that, but they are often intertwined with the roguelike genre, and the idea of dying over and over with minimal upgrades seems more akin to chiseling my way out of a prison cell rather than a fast-paced adventure. Still, some of them are quite good.

Ikaruga is a vertical bullet hell with some very interesting ideas. You are in a ship called the Ikaruga, and you face two kinds of enemies: white and black. You can switch the polarities, and you are immune to an enemy if you are the same colour (i.e. a black enemy cannot damage a black Ikaruga). The game is insanely fast, and there are no interludes or stat screens between levels. It just keeps going and going, and I think that constant momentum is a unique point for the game. The designers planned the levels around a "mountain and valley" meta loop where the action would switch between crescendos and building tension. The level backgrounds are these sweeping shots of pre-rendered areas, like gargantuan industrial facilities or forest vistas. Enemy squadrons can appear from below, before moving to the foreground. The actual designs are also very interesting, almost resembling crabshells with a lot of curved and rounded elements. There is also some kind of story, told to the player through brief (and I mean brief) text interludes between areas. From what I understand, you are some sort of freedom fighter, piloting the Ikaruga against a caste of world conquerors armed with the power of the gods. The game is overall very polished, and the unique element would be the polarity-switching mechanic.

Smash TV is a game I have heard a little of. It was compared to Serious Sam by Civvie 11, and now I can see why. The plot is simple: in the year 1999, there is a game show called Smash TV, and you're the newest contestant. You fight through rooms of enemies who come at you in hordes, from bat-wielding goons to fat guys with bombs strapped to their chests. There are also enemies with guns, and dodging all the projectiles and thugs running your way gets hectic. The game has an interesting aesthetic - you're constantly reminded you're on a game show as you cross backstage areas between each level, crowds cheer when you kill enemies, and the sleazy host pops up in the corner occasionally to goad you on or quote Robocop. The pure chaos of the combat is definitely the unique selling point of the game; enemies explode into gibs when you blast them, and the insurmountable hordes make the game progressively more challenging in the arcade style of ramping difficulty. It's quite an interesting idea for a game and something I would check out in my own time.

Vampire Survivors is an interesting sort of bullet hell - it's not fast or frantic, rather the skill comes from target prioritization and knowing how to kill off the hordes of bloodsucking legions before they get to you. It takes place in rural Italy, and as the name would suggest, you find yourself besieged by every sort of classical monster, ironically except vampires. Your player attacks automatically, and you get permanent character upgrades to make the fight easier in the vein of a roguelike. Interestingly the "bullets" aren't so much the projectiles as they are the enemies, beelining towards you as they did in Smash TV. Some have called this a "bullet heaven" game since you do most of the gratuitous projectile-slinging, but as I mentioned above, dodging is still a key element in the game so I think it fits. The unique selling point would be the slower gameplay and roguelike focus, since it is less demanding of your reflexes.

Undertale is an RPG foremost, but its combat system lends itself to the bullet hell genre. You have options to FIGHT (just start swinging, which will earn you XP but set you on the Genocide route), ACT (which can lead you to spare a monster for the Pacifist route), ITEM (mostly for healing yourself) or MERCY (options for sparing or running away). Between your turns, you enter the enemy's turn, where you move a heart in a box and avoid oncoming projectiles. Some enemies have unique attacks that require you to be still, and they can change the properties of your heart so it can't move but has a shield, or is affected by gravity, or can only move along set lines. Usually bullet hells priorities the player moving wherever they want to avoid projectiles, but Undertale is interesting in that it literally puts the player in the box, and plays with their abilities to dodge projectiles movement-wise rather than just putting more projectiles in. The unique selling point of Undertale itself is the meta-fictional story elements.

Touhou is a game I had vaguely heard of before. You play as one of two characters who I believe are some sort of priestesses, and levels consist of linear waves of enemies which throw projectiles at you in rhythmic motions. You are constantly firing, and the game requires incredibly tight precision to dodge between the volleys of bubbles headed your way. Bosses usually have massively intricate projectile patterns, almost resembling mandalas, and you have just enough space to avoid them. The artstyle is curious and somewhat implacable, though it uses an anime-esque style for all the characters. The levels themselves are usually featureless, save for the spirals of magic crystals headed your way. The unique selling point I think is the high level of skill required, and the music, which is very distinctive and unique for each stage.

SUMMARY:

Bullet hell games usually require high skill levels, and as such, have repetitive player death as a common game loop. This is why they go hand-in-hand with the roguelike genre, which treats death not as a factory reset button but an important point of progression where the player goes back to the start with new skills and some new mechanics at their disposal. Undertale is more merciful, as the focus isn't on the fight system mechanically, meanwhile Smash TV revels in its chaos so that you inevitably die and put another quarter into the machine. I like games that use every aspect of the player experience in one cohesive loop (i.e. death/game end not being the end of the meta loop) but the skill required is too much for me usually.

If I had to change one thing about most bullet hells, it would be their difficulty. The constant cycle of death isn't appealing to me, and bullet hells as a whole either attract a more masochistic brand of games who like the difficulty, or hardcore roguelike fans who have invested so much time into the game that death is no longer a setback. I am neither of these, and so it makes the genre frustrating and impenetrable.

[fishing-lesbian-catgirl]

Arknights asks: 12, 30!

12 Favorite operator of each class?

This is a fun one

Vanguard: my favorite by design is Scavenger, but I only ever actually run Flametail, Saileach, Siege, and Texas

Guard: Lappland without question. I love a girl who can ignore game mechanics with silences, attack enemies from far away, attack flying enemies, and be a feral lesbian

Defender: Asbestos no contest. Although most defenders are very gender, I would love to be the huge woman with a huge shield for my allies. Honorable mention to Hoshiguma, Liskarm, Ashlock, Aurora, and Nearl

Sniper: Meteorite. Ribbed sweater, big naturals, thigh highs, a combat skirt, tactical high heels, adorable horns, and a long range crossbow that fires armor-piercing explosives. She’s everything I want in a woman /want to be and more.

Caster: Eyjafjalla and Click are the ones I use most, but I really like Skyfire’s whole “rain down meteors upon my enemies” thing. Honorable mention to Amiya who I still think looks more like she has donkey ears than rabbit ears and Pudding for seemingly not realizing Closure was flirting with her and using “Pudding” as her actual operative name

Medic: my medic pool is very slim, all my 5 and 6 star medics were given to me by events or through the store, I’ve never pulled any of them. Perfumer is the one I use most, but Gavial is my favorite. Gay ass crocodile with a fat tail gf

Supporter: Glaucus, sea slug with anti-air arts damage that is also Arknights disability rep? Hell yeah. Also I think she and blue poison are gay which makes me like her even more. Also also her gimmick of being a supporter that does the job of some snipers but with arts damage is done that I very much enjoy.

Specialist: there’s too many good options. Spalter, Gladiia, Waai Fu, Kafka, Gravel (kissies), Kafka and a bunch more. Overall my favorite is probably Manticore because her niche is interesting and her gender is enviable

30 favorite skin?

Does Swimsuit Nearl pre-bulge nerf count? If not then I’m going to limit it to skins I actually have so that I don’t get too thirsty about Texas skins and instead go with the skin I kinda of have to say: fishing Vigna

Otherwise lappland with blood on her face

[my-job-is-a-series-of-sidequests]

As a certified Elder Geek, I have been exposed to gaming products over a lot of years. Many of them haven't aged well. But there is a special place in my heart for roasting things that someone, somewhere, should have asked some hard questions about before they ever saw print.

Welcome to the first installment of Elder Abominations, a look at old RPG books where they should have known better.

Our first contestant comes from fallen industry titan TSR, and comes with a little backstory. But first:. The cover!

Fuck yeah! Scary dude floating in space and smashing bubble helmets! And that other guy looks like a budget wolfman! I'm fuckin' sold!

So, the origins of the Buck Rogers XXVc roleplaying game are amazingly mercenary. To assist me, I shall call upon the credits to the book. Also, keep in mind that the people below worked on this book, and maybe could have thought things through. I'm not trying to divine their intentions behind the book, and make no claims about that. All I know is what's on the page.

That's 1990, which can only have been about fifteen years ago, right?

Oh, right, I forgot. Never do the math about how old you are.

In 1990, Gary Gygax had been forced out of TSR and Lorraine Williams was the new boss. There's a lot of backstory I'm eliding here because it's not germane to the issue at hand. (Also, there are books you can read! I'm currently reading The Game Wizards.)

Williams is relevant here because of something buried there in the credits. "Buck Rogers and XXVC are trademarks used under license from The Dille Family Trust." The Dille Family Trust owned the rights to Buck Rogers. And you know who one of the major beneficiaries of that trust was?

That's right, Lorraine Williams. She had TSR try to create a franchise so she could double dip on the profits. It was not a smashing success, but Younger Elder Geek me didn't know or care about any of that.

The franchise did spawn an RPG boxed set, a handful of sourcebooks and adventures, and a couple of Gold Box style computer games by SSI. Loved those.

I did (and still do, somewhere) have a copy of the box set, as well as today's victim. Pictures are from a PDF, because it's just easier.

The elevator pitch is great. "What if we did a kinda hard sci-fi version of Rayguns and Rocketships? The aesthetic is all fishbowl helmets and Cadillac fins on spaceships!" Fuckin' rad. And they just lifted the mechanics wholesale from AD&D, with THAC0, descending armor class and all.

But. This book.

Perhaps my fascist sense is a bit overdeveloped, but this book bothered even the Tiny Elder Geek. Let us just say that someone on the design team had opinions.

I will grab our examples from one small section of the book, because synecdoche. Here's a bunch of NPC groups your heroes can interact with!

Huh. The super-virtuous good guys are called the Libertarians. I'm sure that's just a bit of fluff. Let's take a look at this Green Earth group?

Oh, cool. Ecoterrorists. And, no. There is not a group of good guy environmentalists to work with. And these guys don't get along with...

Wait, what? The Sixth Fucking Reich? Okay, so they absolutely have to be bad guys, right? Everyone loves punching or shooting Nazis, right?

Um. "Realm of Earth to come?" They're... Space pirates? Known for... being good at pirating? No acknowledgement in any way that the name might raise eyebrows anywhere, ever? I am utterly baffled as to why anyone would choose to do that, ever, in a published product.

No, I'm sorry. That is a lie. I know pre-fucking-cisely why someone would choose to do that.

Also, behold the art. Good enough, except for the fact that it definitely previously appeared in the core set. You know, the books you would absolutely need to have in order to use this book for your game? And, also, definitely not in line with that raygun aesthetic.

Last picture, I promise. We need a moustache-twirling villain. Dude needs a name. I'm sure it's a very subtle reference that...

Oh.

All of that in a mere ten pages of this book. Commies and hippies bad, rugged Libertarians good, and Nazis? Meh, they're okay.

I highlight this because this shit is pernicious. Unlike RPGs of today, this shit was squarely aimed at kids. This is stuff that gets in your head to help form your politics before you have a grasp of what politics even is.

And, while it's among the worst I've seen from TSR, it's not the worst I've ever seen. Perhaps that will be another day.

[adobe-outdesign]

Reviews of All Scrapped Spaceword Betas

Exactly what it says in the title. This is also for my reference, as I might redesign some of these later for funsies. 

I’m only including Pokemon that were 100% scrapped (we’re not here to argue what might have become what) and aren’t evos/pre-evos of existing Pokemon. Also, I’m using the English fan-translations for the names because I don’t speak Japanese.

Flambear/Volbear/Dynabear

Our original fire starter, and yeah, I can see why this was scrapped. For starters (heh), it looks more like a rodent that evolves into a lion than anything resembling a bear. And secondly... it doesn’t really have a clear focus, nor a memorable design. It’s just kind of a rodent-bear thing with flames tacked onto it. 

The best Pokes usually have a "catch” to them, and these guys lack that. For example, this got replaced by Cyndaquil, which has the concept of flaming spikes that form out of its back. That’s memorable. This, well, isn’t.

Possible reason for being scrapped: Lack of focus/interesting design

Pokes to fill the void: Teddiursa and Ursaring are probably the closest in terms of being bears. Something about it also reminds me of Growlithe/Arcanine, probably because it’s a fluffy fire thing that evolves into a bigger fluffy fire thing with a mane and black markings.

Cruz/Aqua/Aquaria

This has the same problem as the Flambear line, just less extreme. It’s okay, being a little plesiosaur that evolves into a bigger plesiosaur, but it also lacks an interesting catch to it. The pearls are maybe something, but they’re not really emphasized, just kind of tacked on. Plus Dragonair kind of has the crystal neck ornaments on lock. And the horn. And the underbelly. And the water theme...

Whoops.

I definitely wouldn’t be opposed to a plesiosaur water starter in the future, but it would probably have to be completely redesigned.

Possible reason for being scrapped: Lack of focus/interesting design; too similar to Dragonair

Pokes to fill the void: Dragonair, as mentioned above. If you want a plesiosaur, Lapras is always a thing.

Putting the rest under the cut for length.

Sunmola1/Anchorage/Grotess

This is one of the most chaotic beta evolutions out there, aside from beta Girafarig. I can see the resemblance between Sunmola1 and Anchorage to some extent--counter-shaded blue fish with two fins and a short body--but the anchor part of the evolution comes out of nowhere. Then it sporadically turns into a gulper eel, which has nothing to do with the previous two evolutions at all.

I’ve heard some people suggest that Sunmola1 basically gets dragged into the depths and turns into a deep-sea creature due to its anchor, which is a fantastic idea. However, if that’s what they were going for here it’s not really clear, and I think it could be executed much better.

Individually, Sumola1 is a little plain. Not terrible, but I think they could do something more interesting with the little head thing. Anchorage is memorable, but there’s something very un-Pokemonish about it. I think it’s just the fact that it’s basically cut in half--I keep expecting the backsprite to show its organs or something. Grotess is also a bit too plain.

It’s also worth noting that at some point, this was the evolutionary line, which is more consistent but much less interesting (save for the middle evo’s eyes, which are pretty great).

Possible reason for being scrapped: Lack of evolutionary consistency; some designs plain or not very fitting for Pokemon

Pokes to fill the void: Alomomola is a sunfish Pokemon. Sharpedo is a shark crossed with an object, and Grotess almost certainly became Huntail and Gorebyss.

Rinring/Bellboyant

These two... are pretty good. They have a simple catch--black cats with bells--and the designs are nicely executed and memorable.

If I had one complaint, it’s that they maybe seems a tad unfocused in the backend of things. They’re dark types, but have a bunch of “cutesy” moves, and it’s not clear why’d they be dark apart from being black cats. They seem to have a magical girl vibe (Bellboyant looks a bit like Luna from Sailor Moon, which is probably not a coincidence), which also has nothing to do with the bells or the dark theme. I do think that the designs themselves are fine though, and that if you just focused on the sound concept a hair more you’d have a pretty great Pokemon.

Possible reason for being scrapped: Not entirely sure, these definitely would’ve been popular. Might’ve just been a balancing thing, or it lost the dev popularity contest. 

Pokes to fill the void: Skitty kind of has the same vibe as Rinring. They also remind me a bit of the Meowth line, being cat Pokemon with metal attached to them. The Purrloin line takes over the “dark-type cat” aspect.

Bomseel

I’m torn on this one. On the one hand, it’s a very plain looking Pokemon. The idea of it balancing a fireball/bomb on its nose instead of a ball is clever and memorable enough... except that it’s dependent on it being on that pose. It can’t balance that 24/7, and once it stops all you’re left with is a plain sea lion with dark points.

However, it’s fire/water. The only fire/water we have right now is a legendary, so it would be sweet to have one that’s just a regular poke. So it’s not that the concept itself is bad, using a water-based animal and adding a fire type; it’s just more that the execution is lackluster. Give this guy a hook not related to the fireball and make the seal itself more interesting and I think you’d have something here.

Possible reason for being scrapped: Lack of interesting design

Pokes to fill the void: Volcanion is our only fire/water Pokemon for now. In terms of seals/sea lions with a circus theme, Popplio is a decent enough match.

Tigrette/Electiger

Someone at Gamefreak hates tigerballs, because this line was planned for Gen 1, scrapped, then planned for Gen 2 and scrapped again. Which is strange, because while it’s not the best design it’s not bad either. It’s very very cute, and could definitely find an audience.

However, I’m not really sure what the premise is here. If it’s based on tiger clay bells, then it doesn’t really play into the bell theme much at all. And if it’s not... why is it so round? It’s not that the roundness is bad, but it would usually form the hook for this Pokemon, like it collects static electricity in its fur that makes it puff out or something. Maybe some dex descriptions would’ve made this clearer, who knows.

Also, Electiger is literally the exact same design as Tigrette, just bigger. It would either need a completely new final evolution or would need to show up as a single evo. 

While that sounds harsh, I do really like this design. Fix the evo, figure out/build on the hook of it being round or bell like, and maybe refine the markings a touch and it would be pretty perfect.

Possible reason for being scrapped: Not sure. Might’ve been too similar to Pikachu (both being yellow round electric type Pokemon with zig-zag tails, and og fat Pikachu was also very round). The need to rework the evolution also might’ve turned GameFreak off of it.

Pokes to fill the void: Spheal and Rowlet are both pleasantly round. Pikachu is cute and electric themed in a similar way. In terms of tigers, Raikou is also electric-type. The exact way the stripes are done here is also very similar to Litten.

Kurstraw/Pangshi

GameFreak. GameFreak, you are telling me that we almost had a voodoo-doll Pokemon based off of Ushi-no-Toki-Mairi that evolves into a fucking jiangshi panda?? You are killing me here.

A few interesting things to note here:

Kurstraw evolves at level 1. How? Why? No idea. It could just be a placeholder, but...

The fact that Kurstraw was set to have Curse as its signature move (then called “nail”) and that it only learned this move at level 100 makes it evolving at level 1 seem intentional.

To make things more confusing, it almost seems like (and this is speculation on my part) GameFreak’s intention was to encourage players to not evolve this thing. Stats are comparable, Kurstraw only gets its signature move if you level it up to where it can’t evolve, and Kurstraw has the better moveset (getting frigging destiny bond at lv. 16, while Pangshi gets... splash (which. makes more sense when you consider it’s called “hop” in Japan but it’s still useless). If that was what they were aiming for, then that’s a really unique mechanic that would really make this poke stand out.

Design wise, Kurstraw is... well, it’s a doll with a nail rammed through it. Nothing wrong with that, but it’s not very Pokemon-ish. Meanwhile, Pangshi is maybe a little too much like a Jianshi rather than being reminiscent of one, right down to the little hat. The pose, fangs, and panda colors (which resemble Jiangshi mandarin robes) are more than enough to get the hook across.

What I really love about these two are the expressions. They are just like, so dissonantly happy. Kurstraw is literally like

and Pangshi has the dead-eyed thousand-yard stare of Espurr, except unlike Espurr it looks completely and utter deranged. It looks like if this Pokemon ended up in Mystery Dungeon, it would respond to every question with “my favorite color is blood”. Amazing.

Possible reason for being scrapped: I think these two might’ve been scrapped just because they were too scary. I mean, it’s a voodoo doll impaled on a giant nail that evolves into a literal actual corpse. The implied violence was probably just a bit much for GameFreak.

The reason I think this is, beside the fact that they have fairly solid designs, good hooks, and all of their stats and moves in place, most beta Pokemon have had their premises revisited at some point. But we’ve really never gotten a voodoo doll Pokemon since this, and we definitely haven’t gotten any jiangshi Pokemon either, which suggests the problem lied in the very concept rather than the execution.

Pokes to fill the void: People say that Kurstraw was reworked into Banette, but if anyone Pokemon resembles it to be, it would actually be Mimikyu. They both have cloth bodies with drawn-on smiley faces that resemble something cuter than them and they both want to curse you for existing.

For Pangshi... well, there’s Pancham if you’re looking for tiny pandas. If you’re after a jiangshi though, you’re out of luck.

Wolfman/Warwolf

This Pokemon has a great hook. I mean, a Pokemon that wears a pelt that transforms it into a werewolf? Hell yeah. Not to mention it might be a reference to an obscure Nordic tale about people donning wolf pelts to turn into wolves for ten days.

Design wise, it... well, Wolfman looks almost exactly like Venonat. I’m not the only one who sees this, right?

That aside, I think the idea could be played up a little more. Wolfman is fine, save for its Venonat-ishness, but Warwolf doesn’t do much for me, basically just being a larger version with claws and fangs. If the idea is that it turns into a werewolf by wearing the pelt, what if its evolution looked somewhat like a wolf? Or better yet, the actually body of the thing changes to fill the wolf skin more, so it looks like its a part of it? That would really elevate this Pokemon to a new level.

Possible reason for being scrapped: I’d guess that it’s the same problem as Kurstraw and Pangshi--too scary. I mean, that is a dead pelt of some kind, which means that it killed and skinned some kind of Pokemon, and that’s not getting into questions of what Pokemon they got that from.

It’s also worth noting that when we did finally get a werewolf Pokemon via Lycanroc, it was minus the pelt concept.

Pokes to fill the void: Lycanroc as our werewolf Pokemon. In terms of design, Venonat is very similar as noted above. And something about it really reminds me of Snorunt, being little critters with glowing eyes that wear a cloak of some kind and live in the cold (this line was ice-type).

[laurelnose]

Very New to your blog and the posts are probably way old but I saw you do Witcher Biology (??) rants sometimes and Id love to hear your take, if you have one, on what monsters (namely "naturally occurring" ones like draconids and insectoids) contribute to the ecosystem if anything and whether or not they should be hunted into extinction. I was discussing it w/ a friend last night after dealing with Iocaste, the last silver basilisk, and now its smthn I'm Invested in

re monster ecosystems: I just figure theyve probably found a niche in the world by now and can eat anything smaller incl. humans but because theyve got no natural predators aside from eachother and arent hunted by anything but witchers , monsters are just breeding and eating and wldnt that damage the land? or have they made their own like, circle of life or whatever ? Ive little knowledge on the subject as a whole but the whole thing intrigues me

hi & extremely belated welcome, anon! my apologies for the length of time you’ve been waiting for this answer; I had to think carefully about how I wanted to respond to this ask, because: there’s a lot going on here. also, because I am a disaster, I ended up posting it to ao3 first while I was avoiding tumblr for a spell and then completely forgot to come back. oops. i’m sorry!! This one’s about 5000 words long, which is a lot for tumblr, so reading on AO3 may be preferable.

-

The two main thrusts of your first ask (how do monsters interact with the ecosystem and should they be eradicated from the Continent) are questions of invasion ecology, the study of non-native/invasive species and their effects on the environment. Monsters, having arrived on the Continent about 1200 years ago during the Conjunction of Spheres from entirely alien dimensions, are indeed technically non-native species!

However, invasion ecology is…somewhat controversial, to say the least—there are a lot of invasive species, who have a lot of different & complex impacts, and a lot of different ideas about what we might do about any of this, and it’s basically all arguing all the time, so I wasn’t really sure how I wanted to approach the topic. Not to mention that for reasons I couldn’t initially put my finger on, it seemed wrong to apply theories of invasion ecology to the Witcher monsters. We’ll get into it! There are also a couple of common misconceptions/oversimplifications of how ecology works in your second ask which I want to unpack. Hopefully I pulled this together into something that makes sense, and feel free to ask me for clarification!

Some important background facts:

Species have always been moving to and “invading” new places on their own; humans and globalization have accelerated this process into a Big Problem, as the sheer number of invasive species being introduced all over the globe strains ecosystems already under pressure, but “native ranges” are always shifting, sometimes more dramatically than you might expect. If you go far enough back in time, all species are “non-native”.

Because of this, the very definition of “invasive species” is hotly contested. This is why you’ll hear dozens of terms like introduced species, injurious species, naturalized species, non-native species, etc.; these all have slightly different connotations, but all refer to a species that did not originate in a particular location.

An introduced species is usually classified as “invasive” as opposed to “non-native” or “naturalized” if its presence significantly alters the ecosystem it invades; some people define this more narrowly as a species that causes harm to an ecosystem. “Harm” can take a lot of different forms, as every non-native species interacts differently with the ecosystem they were introduced to.

Aside from various potential impacts to human economic activity, most forms of ecological harm by introduced species involve the decline of native species, by a variety of mechanisms; invaders might eat natives, outcompete them for food, interbreed with them, carry novel pathogens, etc. Invasive species are primarily a threat to biodiversity.

Now, here’s my Hot Take:

The Conjunction of Spheres is analogous to real-life ecological cataclysms such as the Cretaceous-Paleogene extinction event, and thus monsters are not invasive species.

The Cretaceous-Paleogene extinction event saw the extinction of 75% of all species on Earth after the Chicxulub asteroid hit, including the non-avian dinosaurs. The Earth has had several disasters like this, of varying severity—the Great Oxidation Event killed almost literally everything on Earth except for the cyanobacteria who caused it. These cataclysmic extinction events completely upended existing ecosystems, altering habitats beyond recognition and leaving swathes of niches emptied of life that the survivors could evolve to exploit.

The most recent Conjunction of Spheres on the Continent is supposed to have thrown everyone living on the planet at the time into chaos and darkness; it wouldn’t be unreasonable to assume that the interpenetration of multiple spheres caused mass extinction of species living in the pre-Conjunction environment, similar to Chicxulub or the GOE!

But Socks, you might say, evolution works on a massive timescale! It took millions of years to fill the niches left open by Chicxulub, but it’s only been 1200 years since the Conjunction of Spheres! And you are absolutely right*, but the Conjunction of Spheres canonically came pre-loaded with new species. We actually have no proof that any of the animals we see originated on the Continent: if humans are a post-Conjunction phenomenon, why not also dogs? Why not bears? Who’s to say any of those were actually there before-hand? (The elves, I guess, but as they have not, actually, said so, there’s no proof!!)

* FTR, 1200 years is a shockingly short period of time to go from cataclysm that plunged the world into darkness and chaos to functioning medieval-era society considering how long it actually took humanity to build 13 century Europe (horses had been domesticated for at least 3000 years by that time), even if we’re not assuming that most of the ecosystem was destroyed, so, my timeline concerns here are minimal, lmfao. TIMELINE WHAT TIMELINE.

…and actually now that I think about it the three options for the origin of dogs are a) elves or dwarves domesticated them, b) humans brought dogs with them during the Conjunction, or c) dogs have existed for less than 1200 years, and I refuse to accept that dogs are practically a new invention in the witcherverse, wtf.

Anyways: we really have no idea which species are truly “native” to the Continent, or what the physical environment was like prior to the Conjunction. While monsters are not native to the Continent, monsters are also not invasive—there cannot be decline of pre-Conjunction biodiversity or harm to the pre-Conjunction ecosystem because there is no pre-Conjunction ecosystem anymore.

should monsters be hunted to extinction?

So, the thing is, I think we should try to eradicate invasive species from non-native ranges if we can; the biggest problem with that is feasibility, not morality. It’s much more difficult than one might think to eradicate an invasive species once it’s established, and we have to be very careful that the methods we choose don’t have other impacts, but invasive species are a huge threat to the biodiversity of Earth! If monsters are invasive species, then the answer is yes, they should be eradicated from the places they are not native to.

(Notably, on Earth this kind of eradication is not the same thing as extinction; it would be a local extinction, or extirpation, where the species is totally wiped out in the places it invaded but still exists in its native range. This does get way more complicated if the invasive is already extinct in its native range.)

However, I have just outlined a possibility that would make it plausible for monsters not to be invasive species. Let me also outline why I prefer this interpretation. Here is a book conversation between the sorcerer Dorregaray of Vole and Geralt:

“Our world is in equilibrium. The annihilation, the killing, of any creatures that inhabit this world upsets that equilibrium. And a lack of equilibrium brings closer extinction; extinction and the end of the world as we know it. … Every species has its own natural enemies, every one is the natural enemy of other species. That also includes humans. The extermination of the natural enemies of humans, which you dedicate yourself to, and which one can begin to observe, threatens the degeneration of the race.”

“Do you know what, sorcerer?” Geralt said, annoyed. “One day, take yourself to a mother whose child has been devoured by a basilisk, and tell her she ought to be glad, because thanks to that the human race has escaped degeneration. See what she says to you.”

–The Bounds of Reason, ch. 6

This is a, uh, incredibly unsubtle reference to a debate that has been ongoing for decades; Geralt’s stance here is one of the key arguments in opposition to wolf and bear reintroduction. What do we do about large predators that may pose a threat to humans? How do we balance preservation of the ecosystem with the safety of people who have to coexist with these predators?

I can’t fully agree with Geralt, because large predators are integral to the ecosystem, which I value for its own sake and because humans depend on healthy ecosystems. But I can’t fully agree with Dorregaray either, because Geralt is right: human life is valuable and worthy of protecting. This is an issue that India has been running into in the past ten years; as their tiger conservation efforts yield fruit, people become more likely to encounter tigers, and thus more likely to have a bad encounter with a tiger. It’s become a political struggle as rural people who have to actually live with the possibility of a tiger attack come into conflict with urban conservationists who just really want to preserve tigers (& in some incidents, some of those conservationists have been Western, which is a whole additional level of fuckery). The fact is, there isn’t a good answer to this yet! We certainly should not drive tigers, wolves, or any other large predator to extinction, but we also have to figure out a way to keep people safe. It’s something humanity still has to wrestle with.

Under this framing, which CDPR reinforced when they chose to have the Count di Salvaress defend Iocaste as an endangered species while making significant provisions to minimize the damage she could do to human life, there’s far too much baggage attached for me to say yes, monsters should be hunted into extinction. If you’re going to make monsters analogous to wolves, of course I do not think we should get rid of monsters entirely!

And frankly, Geralt doesn’t think so either, despite his hardline stance about monsters that eat humans. Sapkowski isn’t exactly an anti-conservationist; though Dorregaray is shown as out of touch in this passage, at another point the narrative sides with him calling Philippa out on exterminating a species of ermine for her fur collar, and it’s consistently put forth that Geralt’s best quality is that he doesn’t want to perform violence for the sake of it or destroy things without cause, and one of the representations of that is that he refuses to kill endangered species even at cost to himself:

“What should I say about you, who rejects a lucrative proposition every other day? You won’t kill hirikkas, because they’re an endangered species, or mecopterans, because they’re harmless, or night spirits, because they’re sweet, or dragons, because your code forbids it.”

–Eternal Flame, ch. 2

If monsters and other post-Conjunction creatures are invasive species, the nuance in this conversation is flattened, and Geralt’s refusal to kill mecopterans and hirikkas becomes a flaw rather than a virtue. Boring! I also think that one of the strongest themes in the witcherverse is the idea of all monsters being human ills; wraiths are manifestations of hatred, necrophages multiply because of human bloodshed, cursed ones are created out of malice, mages like Alzur and Idarran of Ulivo go out of their way to straight-up create monsters from scratch*, etc. Iocaste attacks humans and takes livestock because the traditional prey of the silver basilisk, roe deer, has been extirpated by human destruction of their habitat. The aeschna in Blood of Elves attacks humans because humans have altered and polluted the flow of the Pontar, hunting the aeschna’s previous food (seals) to extinction. The true monster is the actions of humans. Monsters that appeared unbidden from another dimension into a previously functional ecosystem to invade and cause problems undermines this theme; monsters that are integrated into the ecosystem and subject to the same social and ecological forces as other animals supports it.

* Idarran’s “idr” monsters from Season of Storms absolutely should be eradicated. Did the world not have enough man-eating arthropods, Idarran? Did you really have to mutate horrible new ones and release them in populated areas?? Mages are a scourge, lmfao

Additionally, one of the biggest reasons I felt like I couldn’t actually apply invasion ecology to monsters was that, whether you accept my Conjunction theory as sufficient biological justification for this or not, monsters just don’t really behave like invasive species. It’s hard to explain this because the setting is pretty brief about its ecological details, but aside from the fact that the narrative frames them like just part of the ecosystem of the world, there are never any details like “that type of flower doesn’t exist anymore because giant centipede tunneling destroyed the soil they needed to grow in.” When monsters are the aggressors, their victims are always humans, not the environment or other animals, and again monsters are themselves often treated as victims of human actions.

So I say monsters aren’t invasive species!

Which means that monsters are, regardless of their strange origins, now a part of the Continent’s ecosystem just as much as bears and wolves.

So let’s talk monster ecology.

what do monsters contribute to the ecosystem, if anything?

So, the phrase “contributing to the ecosystem” is actually super loaded, and I want to unpack that before we go anywhere else. Ecosystems are made up of organisms, and organisms interact with and impact ecosystems, but they don’t necessarily contribute to ecosystems! The implication of “contribute” is that it is possible for an organism to not contribute, and it follows from there that some organisms are not useful. This is functionally nonsensical, and also dangerous.

Conservationists talk a lot about “intrinsic value,” which in this context is the idea that we should want to keep species around just because their existence is valuable! Biodiversity is intrinsically valuable. This is important, firstly because I do believe that all species are intrinsically valuable, but also: ecosystems are so enormously complicated that we do not know the full extent of any species or individual organism’s impact, and we can’t predict what the consequences of removing any given species might be. Treating all species as intrinsically valuable is hedging our bets. All organisms affect the ecosystem, because it’s impossible for them not to, and while some species definitely have outsize impact, none of them are “not contributing,” and frankly even if some of them weren’t, it would be the absolute height of human arrogance for us to decide we could tell which ones were useless when we barely even know what most species eat. Mosquitoes are the base of the entire goddamn food chain, and you still get assholes claiming they don’t “contribute anything.” Of course, most people don’t really mean all of these implications when they use the phrase, but I don’t find it useful to talk about what species “contribute,” and avoid using that language if I can!

What I assume you mean by “what do monsters contribute” is a combination of “what roles might monsters play in the ecosystem” and “are monsters actively harmful to the ecosystem, i.e. do they cause loss of biodiversity?”

And this is difficult to answer! As I’ve said, I don’t think monsters are invasive species, and thus don’t harm the ecosystem, though we know that monsters can be harmful to humans. However, when it comes to the role they do play in the ecosystem, there isn’t enough in canon for me to do more than wildly speculate! Also, there are so so many of them, and the role of a hirikka is going to be wildly different from that of a draconid.

Just offhandedly, most of the big predatory monsters can be assumed to fill the same roles as Earth’s big predators, one of the big ones being overpopulation of prey species, which has ramifications throughout the ecosystem. Some of them are canonically ecosystem engineers, or animals that physically alter their environment (think beavers); for instance, shaelmaar and nekker tunneling. Additionally, the big insectoid colonies can’t be relying solely on naturally-occurring caves for their homes; they’ve gotta be constructing some stuff themselves. These tunnels can be repurposed as habitat for other organisms, from giant centipedes to sewant mushrooms. Necrophages, like corpse-eaters in our world, likely limit the spread of diseases from decomposing flesh (and really wouldn’t be as much of an issue if everyone would stop, you know, doing war and mass murder, lmfao). Arachasae use tree trunks and organic plant material to conceal themselves, which is likely contributing to plant reproduction in a few different ways—but the arachasae decorating essay is a different topic that I swear I will finish one day oh my god—

…anyways, feel free to ask about any specific monsters or niches if you’re curious, but if I tried to go into detail with every single potential niche/ecosystem service all of the monsters we know of might fill, we would be here all day!

Let’s talk about a couple specific things you brought up in your second ask.

> theyve probably found a niche in the world by now and can eat anything smaller incl. humans

I mean…maybe! That is, yeah, they’ve definitely settled into niches by now, but feeding is way more complicated and interesting than that.

For instance: orcas can eat basically whatever the fuck they want—orcas are fully capable of bringing down everything from fish to seals to gray whales to great white sharks. But they don’t. In the Pacific Northwest, the resident orca pods almost exclusively eat salmon, while the transient pods largely feed on seals. Orcas are kind of an extreme example, but this is something called resource partitioning and it’s a big part of how animals limit competition with one another and what enables lots of predators to coexist in one place!

We see a big fuck-off dragon thing and we assume that it’ll eat anything it can fit in its mouth, and definitely some predators work like that. But just because an animal is technically capable of eating something and deriving nutrition from it doesn’t mean that it will. Silver basilisks made roe deer the staple of their diet before the destruction of beech forests meant they had to turn to humans—which is a pretty specific dietary restriction when there should be multiple species of deer running around, not to mention everything else a draconid could be killing! And given how many types of draconid there are…I have to assume there’s some kind of resource partitioning going on to prevent them all from conflicting with each other! For instance, if basilisks prefer roe deer, maybe forktails prefer wild goats, while wyverns are mostly kleptoparasitic (stealing other predators’ kills).

And of course, not all monsters eat humans at all; harpies steal from and attack humans, so they’re a dangerous nuisance, but they don’t seem to eat them. And in the books Geralt mentions plenty of monsters which are totally harmless.

So yes, there are lots of things monsters could be eating, but it would strongly depend, and there’s a lot of interesting places one can take monster diets! Netflix decided their strigas only eat specific organs, leaving the rest of the body untouche, & I love that for her. More monsters that need a particular kind of nutrition that leads them to take only specific body parts from some kills!

> because theyve got no natural predators aside from each other and arent hunted by anything but witchers, monsters are just breeding and eating and wldnt that damage the land? or have they made their own like, circle of life or whatever ?

Absolutely—invasive species whose populations rapidly increase once they’re away from their natural predators cause the decline of native species, often by eating natives directly or competing with natives for resources. And in fact, even native species who become overpopulated can seriously damage the ecosystem (see: white-tailed deer in the United States, whose overpopulation has such negative ecological effects that some people argue we should classify them as invasive, even though they have definitely been here this whole time).

However, even if we grant that monsters are invasive, it’s a little more complicated than that for a few reasons!

Despite the apparent preponderance of them in the witcher games, most monsters are supposed to be strongly on the decline, like witchers themselves. Geralt’s profession is falling out of necessity; human development of the Continent is going to be the biggest suppressing factor in monster populations in the future. Monster overpopulation is just canonically not a problem in this universe! But even in the scenario where the Inevitable March Of Civilization isn’t threatening monster populations, there are a lot of factors that could and would limit monster populations.

(TL;DR for this next part: yeah I definitely think they’ve figured out their own little circle of life—the term you’re looking for is ecosystem equilibrium, btw!—& I’m going to take the next 1.2k to talk about how.)

For starters, predation is only one among many limiting factors that affect populations & prevent them from ballooning out of control:

food availability: If there’s not enough food, there’s not enough food! It also matters how adaptable the animal’s diet is—silver basilisks moved from deer to humans, but if the eucalyptus went extinct koalas would not switch to eating cycads.

illness and parasites: Some people argue these are more important than direct predation for limiting populations, and I am often inclined to agree. Basically, if a population becomes very dense, illness and parasites spread more quickly, creating a natural limiter on how many animals can live in any one place. The greater susceptibility of some individuals to illness or parasites also winnows down populations. Non-native species often escape a good portion of their native diseases by moving to a new range—however, given how fast bacteria and viruses evolve, 1,200 years is a pretty decent amount of time for new diseases to arise. Also, just going to drop a link to my treatise on monster parasites here. It’s gross, mind the warning at the start of the post.

mate availability: If only a certain percentage of the population is actually able to reproduce, that’ll eventually bring the total number down. RIP Iocaste’s boyfriend 😔

territory/shelter availability: Animals need a certain amount of space and certain types of spaces to survive, and space isn’t infinite! It again depends on how adaptable an animal is; rats find ways to thrive nearly everywhere, but pandas can only live where there’s bamboo. If there’s not enough space to hide from predators, reproduce safely, store food, and avoid adverse weather, the population again limits itself naturally.

natural disasters: Wildfires, drought, flooding, tsunamis, storms, etc. pick off significant portions of wildlife populations. Disasters are sporadic rather than directly linked to population like most of the other factors but these periodic blows to population and the other impacts of fire or flooding are often integral to the ecosystem (see especially: fire regimes and fire ecology.)

Now let’s talk predation & monsters! (Genuinely, I think predation is one of the most interesting things in ecology; people tend to simplify it down to things eat other things, which—yeah, but there’s so much more going on there!)

First, I wouldn’t underestimate the effects of monsters eating other monsters! Even if it’s rare for a draconid to snatch up a nekker and carry it off, the threat of a draconid doing so can have dramatic impacts; researchers found that just playing the sound of dog barks on a beach stopped raccoons from foraging for crabs for over a month after the barking stopped, leading to an increase in crab populations, even though no raccoons ever encountered a dog. This is called the ecosystem of fear (which as a term is metal as hell) and it theorizes that just the fear of predators can lead to chronic stress for prey animals, decreasing reproduction and making them more susceptible to disease. Maybe draconids in Toussaint eat only a few dozen nekkers a year, but that might cause thousands of nekkers to have fewer offspring or fall to disease. When it comes to ecosystems the direct effect is usually only a small part of the story!

Second, when we talk about a species not having natural predators, we’re usually talking about an animal that would have a predator back in its home range—lionfish, for instance, have plenty of predators in their natural range (the Indo-Pacific), but no natural predators in their invasive range (the Caribbean), so invasive lionfish, suddenly freed of a limiting factor, can run amok. However, a great white shark has, aside from orcas (who do not actually eat white sharks, they’re just assholes sometimes) and occasionally other white sharks, more or less no natural predators anywhere once it reaches maturity, and that’s fine! Lack of predation of great white sharks did not cause their populations to explode and consume the ocean. White sharks are limited by other factors.

So: it is possible that wherever draconids originated (and it’s entirely possible that “draconids” came from multiple different places, tbh) there was something bigger that preyed on them, but it’s not unreasonable to assume they were also apex predators in their previous dimension (I mean…look at them), and that adult draconids were never really preyed on by anything else! It isn’t necessarily an issue for there not to be predators of certain monsters on the Continent.

(Though, of course, we also shouldn’t forget that most apex predators are prey when they’re young—baby white sharks are snack-sized for a lot of fishes, and bear cubs and wolf pups are similarly vulnerable. Based on the size of the eggs you see in TW3 draconid nests, a basilisk is hatched around the size of a little dog, which is the perfect size for small, ballsy predators such as wolverines to sneak into a nest and snap them up—predators such as more wolverines or raptors like eagles and hawks might also come directly for the eggs.)

When it comes to smaller monsters such as nekkers, who likely weren’t apex predators in their original dimensions and would thus be subject to that lack of natural predators—there are usually specific reasons why prey species manage to avoid predation in their introduced range. Lionfish confound Caribbean predators because lionfish are covered with huge poisonous spines that Caribbean predators don’t know how to deal with.

Drowners, on the other hand, are basically just man-shaped fish; they don’t have any adaptations or defenses that would really stump a bear or a wolf. Again, bigger monsters are still probably checking the populations of smaller monsters no matter what, but there’s really no reason a bear couldn’t figure out how to eat a drowner! Unless a monster has a unique defense (e.g. scurver spines), is actively distasteful to eat (rotfiends, probably), or is just difficult to take down (nekkers in packs), most of the non-monster predators* on the Continent will have incorporated various monsters into their diet by now, or suppressed monster populations indirectly with the threat of predation or by competing with them for food. It has been over a thousand years, which is nothing evolutionarily but is still a decent period of time for mammals, who pass hunting techniques down to their babies, to figure out how to eat ghouls—especially if we’re considering that the Continent’s mammals may also be a result of the Conjunction and would thus have to have been just as adaptable as the monsters to establish themselves. And I’ve also actually talked before about how wolves specifically might be preying on necrophages!

* For reference, the non-monster predators are, considering the Continent is more or less Europe, most likely lynxes, brown bears/polar bears (in Skellige), wolverines, foxes, badgers, and a variety of large birds of prey.

So—yes, if monsters were truly overpopulating, then that would damage the ecosystem. However, canon tells us they are definitely not doing that, and there are also many factors that would prevent that from happening!

(Though I will say that some of the reasons white-tailed deer are overpopulated are that we got rid of cougars and wolves and human development creates a lot of extra habitat of the type that deer like. Given that we know many of draconids are for sure in significant danger of going extinct, and the trajectory that Europe’s wolf and bear populations followed in real life, it is possible that the Continent will have to contend with an overpopulation of some of the smaller monsters at some point as they continue to try to eradicate the larger predators, both monster and non-monsters—you think the drowner problem is bad now, wait until the bears are gone and city development has tripled the number of sewers. Yet another of those humans-make-monster-problems-worse things I am fond of in the Witcherverse!)

…whew. that was a lot of words. In conclusion: ecology is really cool & there’s a bunch of ways monsters can fit into it!!

[gascon-en-exil]

Dark Deity Pre-Release Character Opinions

This isn't actually a tier list, but someone helpfully created a template for this game and it's as good a way as any to do a little visual showcase for this cast. Characters are listed by their class sets, which are fixed but offer a nice variety in terms of promotion options. My opinions on each are as follows, from left to right in each row. Most characters have introductory profiles written up on the DD subreddit, if you'd like to check them out yourself.

Warriors

Alexa

You know those buff female blacksmiths in Echoes and Three Houses that some people wish were playable characters? That's pretty much Alexa. Can't say I'm too hyped about her myself, but warrior + tomboyish female character will do that for me...or not do it, I suppose.

Benji

Seems to have been written to become a meme, and I still can't decide whether that's clever or stupid. Kind of like Raphael only with a bigger emphasis on training than on eating, and with brotherly devotion replaced with brotherly angst that might theoretically go somewhere if the character isn't reduced to being a goofy joke all the time.

Fenton

Doesn't have a character profile, so as far as I know he's just a generic dwarf because DD swaps out its inspiration's loli dragons and other vaguely fetishistic shapeshifters for the two most cliché non-human races in Western fantasy. I wonder whether his VA will voice him with a Scottish accent, to go all in on the (ironic?) laziness. There are a handful of elves in the playable cast, but Fenton is the only dwarf so for better or worse he's representing.

Helena

She's the embodiment of the FE exotic swordswoman archetype, but curiously DD seems to have turned that broad ethnic brush inward. Helena's last name is apparently a Japanese verb, her art shows her with a spear (as in the association of the naginata with women), and she studied and trained in a monastery that seems to blend elements of Buddhism and Shintoism. Not sure how all that fits into the larger setting yet, but at this point she's still got more background development than Petra.

Irving

Our Hero, the one front and center on the cover art. He sounds a bit on the blander side as far as lords or lord equivalents go, with his most promising hook for me being his established friendship with Garrick (see the ranger section). At best I can hope for a bit of a romantic friendship dynamic, although they sound a bit rougher overall as they're military academy schoolmates I wonder why DD went with that instead of lordlings of different territories.

Rogues

Brooke

Looks like Camilla; has a backstory like Niles. Cleavage aside though the sexual element of both is toned down here, and there might be some sapphic bodyguard shenanigans to be had as her current employers are a pair of highborn sisters further down this list.

Cia

For some reason she reminds me of Tressa from Octopath Traveler, only bustier and a bartender rather than a merchant. She's still just a small town girl with big city dreams, and this being a tactical war game following those dreams will inevitably involve stabbing people.

Corvan

Hard to judge him at the moment, as his profile was only the second written and so isn't terribly detailed. He's a moon elf with scholarly interests, apparently. Still, as of right now he's the only rogue who doesn't slot loosely into either a ninja/assassin or pirate aesthetic, so that's kind of neat. Also, he's one of several characters to have FEH-esque beach fanart made of them already, so clearly someone's into elf twinks.

Ford

A former officer at the military academy Irving attends and a smuggler who dotes on his niece, Ford has major dad energy. Per developer reveals he's also bi, and as I mentioned before I'm totally fine with that. More bear sex, please - but what guy in this cast would hop in the sack with Ford? Only time will tell. His personal skill makes him extra dodgy, which combined with the mug of booze in his art makes me think of WoW brewmasters who dodge-tank through the power of being wasted.

Wren

Like Brooke, he's an assassin from a foreign nation - in his case the same one as Helena so presumably he's a not!Japanese ninja. I'm not really feeling him at the moment. What is it about Hao'Fen (the city/territory he and Helena come from) and massive families? That comes up in both their backstories.

Rangers

Caius

I feel like this is the third or fourth character to grow up in some slum or other; at least they've all been in different towns so far. The relative rarity of noble characters is certainly different from FE, but it reduces the political stakes which leaves me wondering a bit about the story. Anyway, Caius is a small town desert hunter who learned how to make arrows out of animal bones. How aerodynamic is bone, I wonder?

Garrick

Irving's BFF and seemingly the Hector to Irving's Eliwood, only with more flirting (his intro doesn't specify that Garrick is flirting with women, but I'm not going so far as to say that indicates anything). He's the academy headmaster's son, with a strained relationship with his father for some of that hotheaded lead tension. Notably, his VA is the one I'm most familiar with in this cast, as he's the voice of Revali from Breath of the Wild as well as love interests in two different erotic gay dating sims I've played. In other words, I know what this guy sounds like making awkwardly simulated sex noises...and I have no idea what to do with that information.

Maeve

She's a half-elf with a very storied background, so much so that it's all rather hard to follow her exploits when little of what's being described has been fully revealed yet. I'm expecting her to be a mid/lategame recruit, unless she's dropped in early on to reveal that (sun) elves exist or something.

Rose

Imagine if Bernadetta were a commoner, although we can only hope they'll be less screaming. Alternatively, Neimi without an obvious boyfriend. She won the beach contest so now she has official swimsuit art, which I guess makes her a top-tier waifu in the eyes of players who care about such things.

Sophia

A ranger in the "has animal companions" sense, although whether that will come into play mechanically aside from her personal skill - Butter the ferret can attack with her! - remains to be seen. Her preference for the company of animals is explained by a lack of social graces, so prepare for klutz-related humor. Of note to those interested in F/F is that her introduction specifically brings up her connection with Sloane (see the mage section) and how close the two of them are.

Clerics

Faust

Doesn't have a profile yet, so not much to go off other than his decidedly unhinged look. The cleric class set does feature some darker-flavored options, so presumably he's more naturally aligned with those. His VA was announced to be the YouTuber behind So This is Basically Fire Emblem and other similar videos, so I'm picturing a kooky and somewhat demented Henry type.

Lincoln

Also lacks a profile at time of writing...clerics get so little love. The Discord has identified him a bland blond paladin sort, but as we know from the likes of Perceval and especially Dimitri that doesn't necessarily mean he'll be boring (or not gay).

Maren

The soft-spoken healer type, and also a childhood friend of Garrick although her intro sibling-zones him but then this game is inspired by FE so who knows if that'll stick. She may have some interesting thoughts on the theology of the setting, as there seem to be several faiths and she's said to have a complicated relationship with her own. I will be utterly shocked if she's not either Irving or Garrick's eventual love interest.

Samara

One of two princesses of the country of Aramor, which appears to be loosely inspired by the Middle East. Heaven help us if the Khalidstans ever get wind of this game. Unfortunately aside from her bond with her older sister (in the mage section) and the knowledge that Brooke has been hired as their bodyguard there's not much to Samara at the moment. Hopefully the clerics all do some comparative theology in their bond conversations, and this isn't like Sacred Stones where none of the clergy characters from different countries ever compare notes. The succession crisis involving Samara and her sister vs. their less-loved cousin the king's son might be a major plot hook? It's still too early to tell.

Vesta

Much like Maeve her backstory has entirely too much going on to really follow at the moment. Basically she's a human who grew up in a sun elf city because Reasons (seriously, I don't know what they are) and was called to a clerical vocation and also something about taking a journey. Has an unfortunate case of silly boob armor, which unlike a certain other character probably won't be rectified this close to release.

Mages

Alden

Maren's precocious younger brother, also basically Ricken up to and including the comically oversized hat. As a unit he follows the tradition of Donnel, Mozu, and Cyril of having a personal skill that buffs his stat gains, so it's safe to say he's a growth unit. At least he'll probably join early.

Liberty

Comes with dead brother angst and a connection to the "aspects" system that will hopefully make more sense once I've played the game and know how it functions both mechanically and from a storytelling perspective. Otherwise she looks to be a busty older - as in, not a teenage - mage in the vein of Calill.

Monroe

Got the first ever character profile, so it's really short. He's the son of a duke and sounds like a bit of a snob, albeit one that can make explosions happen to back up his haughtiness. He's got some scarring around his eye that surely must come with a story. Someone also made featured fanart of him in Heroes summer banner style, so I guess he's got somebody horny already.

Sara

Samara's half-sister, with comparable fantasy Middle Eastern flavoring. Has an interest in discovering magical artifacts and being a just ruler in the event she winds up on the throne (so, almost definitely), and she and Samara travel around with the assassin Brooke as their bodyguard. There's maybe some lesbian possibilities there? Either way, Sara has enough development where I could see her as a major supporting character.

Sloane

Comes with a genuinely fascinating backstory involving manipulative double-crossing parents, an education in the cruelties and deceptions of social life (reflected in her personal skill), and disinheritance - and yet it's all likely to be overshadowed because she may go down as DD's equivalent to Fates's face-touching. Her initial art is even more revealing than Camilla's, and while the developers later gave her a more modest redesign after negative feedback I get the feeling that this controversy may live on. Her introduction mentions her hunting for both heirs and heiresses and she's now been linked to Sophia, so safe to say she's another confirmed bi character.

Adepts

While the other class sets are standard fantasy fare adepts require a bit more explanation. They have innate magical abilities and appear to be feared and distrusted most places in the setting. Functionally they remind me of adepts from the Golden Sun series, if anyone is familiar with those games. The classes in the adept group tend more toward physical/magical hybridization than those of other sets, so that will probably be their mechanical niche. Oh, and their default weapon type is lances, which is a plus in my book.

Aurima

Along with Caius and the royal sisters, he's another one from the desert nation of Aramor. An arena fighter who got touched by a god in what I assume was a non-sexual way and came out of it with a new appearance and adept powers. Also, he's confirmed to be over 40 - how often do you see that in games like this?

Bianca

Looks like a more carefree Mathilda from Echoes. She's a ranking officer in the Delian army which sounds like it'd sit uneasily with her adept powers. Her profile describes Lincoln as her close friend, which is still about the most we know about him at this point.

Elias

This guy's writing plays more into the fairly standard coding that comes with adept powers, as we know they manifested shortly before he was going to confess his feelings to a male paramour and afterwards he was forced to flee his homeland and wander the world. He also spent time among dwarves, so insert short bear jokes here? In the present he's attached to Cia in what seems to be a platonic way; maybe she's a fruit fly, or maybe she just likes having a friend who can light drunken assholes on fire? Elias is definitely into guys, but I would still be a little surprised if he turned out to be totally gay as that's such a rarity in these sorts of things.

Iris

Oof, another lengthy and rough backstory. Iris had better parents than Sloane, but she also had to deal with permanent facial scarring (hence the mask) after a bandit kidnapping and the stigma of manifesting as an adept pretty much eliminating the prospects of her making a good political marriage. Also, she and Elias both come from Neullais, which is prominently featured on the continental map on the DD subreddit but doesn't seem to come up all too often in backstories. I think it's a not!France? Hard to tell.

Thae'lanel

A World of Warcraft blood elf, flowing anime hair and apostrophe'd name and all. I like WoW so that's not terribly grating, but as he has no profile yet there's little else I can say. Thae'lanel is mentioned in Maeve's introduction as a member of a sun elf group called the Exiled, which I'm guessing is tied to his adept status in some way. He and Maeve form yet another adventurer/bodyguard duo.

[fmdkiana]

*to the tune of backpack backpack from dora the explorer* plot time plot time plot time plot time Yeah. under the cut i have little blurbs on where my muses will be and ideas on threads, so come poke my dms (for tumblr ims i suggest messaging sung) or like/reply to this post and i’ll come around to u!

ki

overall she’s the best muse for first time meetings bc company events like this are the main way to have a conversation with her

choice activities miss ki is doing the candlemaking class and dance class

ki likes making her own soaps and candles as is, so she’s the lucky one of my muses to have an activity just for funzies. she could perhaps teach ur muse a thing or two, or they could challenge themselves to try to make candles for each other

dance class could be practicing together, ki helping a non-dancer/someone unfamiliar in the style, even maybe scrutinizing the video together for the next take

other schedules:

the pool party isn’t one she would attend of her own volition, but definitely could be dragged into it if she likes a muse enough or is given reason to do so. could be fun to get her drunk, loosen her up a bit. or, yk, california, give her some weed and listen to her talk about her special interests for hours

surprisingly ki would show up at the food truck festival, at least for a little while. she tries to be careful about what she eats because her skin is sensitive to so much, but she’d be curious and, what she considers, impulsive. it’d also remind her a bit of home in seattle, the good parts, so she could share that with someone, maybe help someone navigate around too given her english-ing

the best way to bond with ki is through common interest, and either flight could be good for that! your muse or ki engaging in one of her interests and it sparking up a conversation could leave a good (or negative, if ur muse has opinions she Really can’t get behind) impression of them to her

jeonghwa

trying something new, stepping out of your comfort zone, doing something unapproved of by higher ups, all things u can count on jhwa for

choice activities this round are fan makeovers and secret fantasy concert

these activities don’t have much in the moment to thread on, but the spaces around the activities could be! pre-makeover making each other up, doing one another’s makeup and it becomes a cute thing to mention to the fans. maybe jeonghwa was being too distracting at the side of the stage during your muse’s set and they talk about it after. could be loads of things!

other schedules:

you knoooow she’s gotta go to the pool party. she’s probably the one spreading the news to everyone about the party in the first place. if anyone needs an extra kick to be able to come, or someone to help them make bad (see: fun) decisions, jeonghwa’s got u. and honestly if someone isn’t skinny dippin w her what’s the point of the party

random but she makes for a good flight partner. coming in or going, she could sit next to your muse and play games, make it less terrible to go thru for so long

one of the after concert meals jeonghwa would go bc free food and drinks, maybe she convinces your muse to “go to bed” early and they dip to explore, get into trouble, whatever

food truck festival eating contest when? jeonghwa getting dared by a friend to smash funnel cake in someone’s face and your muse is sadly the recipient?

andy

antisocial is in the name, BUT he’s feeling pretty good, if tired, so it’s not a terrible time to approach andy. though, depending on his mood, he could make for some more bitchy moments too

his choice activities are for an individual fansign and the softball team (go red)

fansign may not offer much in the moment, but afterwards, andy could have a little complain session about fans, or gasp, maybe he actually liked one of them

softball team... andy is a competitive motherfucker and is gonna Enjoy playing up the sporty angle. imagine hsm2 i don’t dance, same level of playful banter, same sexual tension, but also more aggressive, and you’ve got it. do i know what this means in terms of a plot? absolutely not but i know it’s so chock full

other schedules:

will andy be at the pool party? yes. but his lips will likely be preoccupied with copious weed and hwa the whole night so a muse might need to specifically seek him out or catch him on his way to the drinks

at the welcome brunch buffet can someone please argue with andy about brunch culture,,, he’s anti brunch :/ says it’s just an excuse for white women to get day drunk and they should just admit to it. all the while he’s pounding back mimosas

sung

sung thinks it is incredibly inappropriate for gsm to not only be pushing him, but the rest of the element members, into work schedules so soon after disbandment. sooo this is probably the most upset 99% of famed would have seen him in public. what shock

his choice activities are being a fashion show model and the busking trip

being a model upsets him, given he was already upset, but then tacks onto it feeling like gsm is valuing him highest for his looks at the moment. anyone who can make the experience less than the worst would b appreciated (or make it worse, talk exclusively abt his visuals, i’m down)

busking sung is actually much more into, but that’s largely because of how much he loves performing, with a side helping of appreciating the charity angle. performing is definitely a release for him, but who knows, he could possibly butt heads with someone too

other schedules:

at first glance, sung wouldn’t be very interested in going to the pool party, but he would only need a small nudge to go tbh bc what teeny part of him has capability for pettiness would want to do something gsm doesn’t approve of, And it would be him giving into utilizing whatever unhealthy coping mechanisms he wanted, just for one night. i’m sure he’d black out by end of night, and would make terrible decisions. encourage him? help him? all up for grabs

could be convinced to go to one of the after concert meals but would need the convincing since he’d rather lay in bed being a sadsack

[inventors-fair]

Words of Power

Normally, when running a contest which has relatively arbitrary constraints, I like to couch it in some kind of narrative. Restrictions seem far less cruel and arbitrary when there is some rationale justifying their existence, whether real or invented. Unfortunately, my literary contrivance for this week obscured the intent of the contest a bit too much, so this prompt shall remain stark and esoteric. We must confront the unfortunate reality that the underlying constraints exist solely to make your life more difficult, and thus, more interesting:

Design a card using any one of the following mechanics: Brew, Focus, Order, or Sketch.

I know you're all brimming with questions about this prompt. Fortunately, the blood pact I signed to operate the Fair this week has granted me the temporary ability to read your minds, so I can go ahead and answer a few of those questions right away:

Q: What are those mechanics? What do they do?

A: Those are fantastic questions! So fantastic, in fact, that I do not have equally fantastic answers. Please also tell me what these mechanics do. That's your job now.

Q: …So you're asking us to design a mechanic that has one of those names?

A: That is a far less whimsical way of putting it, yes. But I would challenge you to not constrain yourself to traditional notions of what a mechanic is. Do not feel the need to specifically make a keyword here. This could be an ability word, a keyword action, a subtype, pretty much anything is fair game, so long as it uses any of the four words listed and could reasonably inform the identity of a premier set. Shields and Citizens are just as much New Capenna mechanics as Blitz and Hideaway are, after all.

Q: What if someone else's mechanic idea is similar to mine?

A: Please do not be discouraged if this happens, Hypothetical Fair Entrant. Given the nature of this contest and the expected volume of submissions, collisions are bound to happen. I am far more focused on how the card as a whole is executed than I am the mechanic, so don't worry too much if someone else's mechanic idea is similar to yours.

Q: I wanna put all the mechanics on one card!

A: First, that's not a question. Second, please stick to one mechanic this week. While there may be space in speculating about how these theoretical mechanics might interact, I don't think exploring that space will lead to especially strong designs.

Q: How do I submit a card, and where can I find the Inventor's Fair Discord, where I can ask questions and receive feedback?

A: The Submission page is right HERE!        And the Discord link is right HERE!

Unfortunately, my divination abilities seem to be fading, so if you have any further questions, kindly submit them to the Fair's ask box, or hop on the Discord and send me a message.

-Interim Judge @starch255​

[pipermca]

War for Cybertron: Siege Location Data

The War for Cybertron: Siege toyline boxes had codes written on the boxes that were revealed under blacklight. The codes were in Cybertronian script, and could be decoded on the Transformers website.

Each character’s code revealed the character’s name, their rank or function, their location, and a little blurb about that location. When you decoded all of the locations, the site revealed a map of Cybertron with all of the locations pointed out. (Not all of the locations on the map have a description, and not all of the places described are on the map.) 

The first few location descriptions that I decoded really intrigued me; I’m always looking for descriptions of places on Cybertron in which to set various aspects of my stories. So now that the “game” is over and all of the locations have been revealed, I decided to transcribe them for posterity (and in case the site vanishes once they start going all in with Earthrise).

The complete list of locations, their descriptions, and the character associated with them are behind the cut!

These are listed in alphabetical order. Note that some of the locations have two entries because there were two characters associated with that location! 

Altihex. Unsafe. High levels of militant Decepticon activity. Autobots advised to avoid the area. (Thundercracker, Decepticon Seeker)

Blaster City. Strategic importance – high. Pre-war weapons manufacturing facility. Salvage operation in progress. (Six-Gun, Autobot soldier)

Blaster City. Pre-war weapons manufacturing facility. Salvage operation successful. Critical munitions acquired. (Crosshairs, Weapons supervisor)

Borderlands. Section of neutral or contested territory that acted as a border between Autobot- and Decepticon-controlled regions, now overrun by Decepticons. Few neutral sectors remain. (Jetfire, Autobot air guardian)

Crystal City. Historically strong scientific presence. Once remarkable in its beauty. Lies in ruins. (Omega Supreme, Autobot city defender)

Darkmount. Decepticon fortress. Autobot infiltration detected... intercepting signal... download incomplete... (Decepticon Phantomstrike Squadron, Quickstrike team)

Drop site – deserted Decepticon territory. Tracking Decepticon targets. Signal disrupt/ed// Mission report downloading... (Greenlight, Autobot recon)

Helex. Decepticon stronghold. One of the first cities to fall during the Decepticon revolution. (Refraktor, Decepticon recon)

Hydrax Plateau. Largest spaceport on Cybertron. Possible Autobot escape site. Mission report classified. (Chromia, Autobot counter intelligence)

Iacon. Capital of Cybertron. Home of the government overthrown by the Decepticon revolution. (Optimus Prime, Autobot leader)

Iacon. One-time home to the elite ruling class of Cybertron. Satellite signal relay detected. Location-masking protocols identified. Decryption in progress. (Mirage, Autobot spy)

Kalis. High strategic importance. Possible Energon reserves. Home to subsurface fusion reactor critical to powering sector grid covering key locations, including Iacon. (Sideswipe, Autobot soldier)

Kalis. Location of Iacon power supplies and possible Energon reserves. Signs of Decepticon sabotage detected. (Apeface, Saboteur)

Kaon. Impenetrable Decepticon metropolis. Main base of operations. Origin point of gladiator games and, through them, the rise to power of Megatron. (Megatron, Decepticon leader)

Manganese Mountains. Remote. Few settlements. Limited presence of Decepticon patrols. Terrain suitable for camouflage from Decepticon Seeker jets. (Cog, Autobot mechanic.)

Nova Cronum. Gateway to Iacon with numerous strategic entry points. Key target for Decepticon air strikes. Maximum combat resource allocation recommended. (Springer, Autobot aerial defense)

Nova Cronum. Strategic entry point into Iacon. Inefficient combat resources. Undergoing high volume of Decepticon air strikes. Additional reinforcements required. (Spinister, Aerial assault)

The Praetoreus Wharf. Site of advanced, mobile, weaponized Decepticon base. Scanners indicate the Decepticon Titan Trypticon. (Brunt, Decepticon soldier)

Praxus. A shining beacon of high technology and Cybertronian achievement during the planet's golden age. Crushed by a Decepticon attack. (Prowl, Autobot strategist)

Praxus. City destroyed. Area plunged into lawless chaos. (Barricade, Decepticon enforcer)

Protihex. Critical waypoint on surface-level superhighway connecting multiple high value locations. Patrol report pending. (Ironhide, Autobot bodyguard)

Protihex. Patrol report: critical waypoint of superhighway compromised. Decepticon presence detected. (Astrotrain, Transport)

Sea of Rust. Toxic atmosphere. Armor damage inevitable. Prolonged exposure not recommended. Possible safe zone if corrosive effects can be counteracted. (Hound, Autobot recon)

Slaughter City. One-time site of illegal gladiatorial competitions. Key feeder city for Deception army and Decepticon Gladiator Corps shock trooper unit. (Skytread, Decepticon soldier)

Sonic Canyons. Area known for deafening sound and dangerous environment. Possible coded message received: Wreck and rule. Communication analysis in progress. (Impactor, Wrecker)

Stanix. Critical connection point in the Cybertronian global communication grid. Close to 100% of all data traffic routes through the Stanix hub. Malicious code in hub detected. Decepticon data breach suspected. (Soundwave, Decepticon spy)

Tagan Heights. Core industrial site. Strategic value: high. Damage sustained. Production capabilities compromised. Fortification and repair teams alerted. (Ultra Magnus, Autobot city commander)

Tagan Heights Outskirts. Edge of core industrial site. Heavy damage sustained in area. Technology salvage operation underway. (Ratchet, Autobot rescue and repair)

Tarn. Loyal Decepticon zone. One of the first cities conquered by the Decepticons. Location is secured. Fortified, has withstood heavy fire. (Shockwave, Decepticon scientist)

Tyger Pax. Trigonometric calculations indicate ideal trajectory for extra-orbital launch. Geotag transmitted. Awaiting response. (Galaxy Upgrade Optimus Prime, Autobot galactic commander)

Underground Safe Zone. Underground base located at the edge of the Sea of Rust. Shielded from toxic atmosphere. Awaiting mission report... signal interrupted.  (Autobot Alphatrike Counterforce, Counterstrike team)

Uraya. Loyal to Autobot cause, but most loyalists forced underground and have ceased combat operations due to Decepticon might. (Red Alert, Autobot medic)

Vos. Home of the Decepticon Air Command. Base of operations for the Seekers. Where Starscream rose to prominence. (Starscream, Decepticon air commander)

[borisbubbles]

17. CZECH REPUBLIC

Benny Christo - “Kemama”

So first off, thank you for the nice commens. 😇The past few months haven’t been the happiest time for me, so thank you for your patience as I scraped my bearings together for another post! 😁

So I will now extend that same sympathy to Benny Christo, whom I think I damn fucking underrated. Let’s jump in~

ENTRY ANALYSIS

As one may expect i INSTANTLY liked “Kemama” because you know, it’s a fun, laid-back, tropical afro-breeze, completely different from anything else we would see in NFs and the year. EXACTLY the type of song I was hoping the Czech NF would deliver (and deliver they did, see NF Corner). This level of mild like swung into strong unironic like upon realizing that the title is a contraction of “Okay Mother” 😍 and the song deals with the subject of overcoming racially-tinged discrimination and rising above the hate. That just feels very poetic and apt? “Kemama” felt like the entry that had to overcome the highest odds in order to earn the respect it so fully deserves, and still hasn’t fully reached it.

.In our Western European bubble, comprised mostly of gays and left-liberal straights, we have a very grateful and universal acceptance of many different kinds of [lizard] people that make up Eurovision casts. Yet with “Kemama” we may have reached  an unusually grimy undercurrent of coded racism. 

Of course nothing I read was outrageously rancid, than Cod for that. The worst statement I read was a double-whammy of “EWW THIS ISN’T CARIBBEANVISION” and “WHY WOULD SOMEONE FROM *KENYA* WANT TO REP CZECHIA IN EUROVISION?”, and yes they first got the continent wrong and then *also* got the country wrong in the follow-up post and then they were torn limb from limb by a pack of aformentioned left-liberals. I’m sorry but i can’t not have any other response than laughter in the face of yet another fucking MORON faceplanting themselves with words like a... racist JK Rowling if you will?

Still, while I never read something outright vile about Benny doesn’t mean I found his deniers really annoying and they were! Think “Ew Solovey is ‘Too Aggressive’ it will NEVER DO WELL IN ESC”, a statement that isn’t coded nor racist (and yet extremely false and misguided), functioned as a similar idea by the same minds. A statement borne from the same breed of narrow-minded stubbornness which has caused elitist morons to be all “there is **SOMETHING** about “Kemama” i do *NOT* like and I cannot lay my finger on it... but I **DO NOT** like it at ALL. It won’t ever qualify because everyone will think the same way I do” -- Eurovision snobs, tiptoeing around racial coda in January 2020.

 They would also insist that Benny was “arrogant” because he was seemingly impervious to their (de)constructive criticism. Like, if you were a biracial butterfly living in a slavic country who had to deal with statements such as the above on a regular basis, you WOULD block out the noise. And if you heard them often enough you will start to block them out pre-emptively. DO YOU NOT KNOW HOW COPING MECHANISMS WORK?? (oh wait you’re white-privileged. Nevermind 🙄)

 So naturally, when Benny decided that he would revamp “Okay Mother” by adding in MORE African elements it only made me love him even more lol. 😍 Was it a bull-headed, contrarian and possibly really stupid decision? Yes, yes and absolutely yes. Was it worth it? Well he managed to incite even more meltdowns in a group of people I feel nothing but contempt for, so hell yeah? Eurovision was cancelled anyway so who cares how much ‘worse’ “Kemama” actually got. 

Okay, so we’ve arrived at the revamp.

Granted, it wasn’t the best ‘vamp, I’d be a fool to deny it. The new elements threw a wrench in the melodic balance of the song. Out went tropical laid-back fun, IN went that fucking guitar oh my god this is some Hotel FM piano levels of overbearing I swear. (nb: this still didn’t stop me from ironically stanning Hotel FM’s lame asses anyway 😍). However, it made the personal backstory that I loved and savoured take a backseat to the now inferior composition. 😭

Regardless, New Kemama was fundamentally the same song, and I fundamentally liked Old Kemama, so whatevs, it made no different to me. In the eyes of many Eurovision diehards we were experiencing WORST PRESHOW SEASON EVER (after three songs... lol) and nothing clinches this brainworm more than a revamp announcement. “OH MY GOD HE WILL RUIN IT! I CAN GUARANTEE YOU I *WON’T* LIKE IT”. Self-fulfilling prophecies, ya know? It certainly didn’t help when the official channel accidentally uploaded a vid with broken soundmixing (‘OMG HORRIBLE LAST IN THE SEMI!!!!’ calm the ever-loving HELL down) and took another FULL WEEK to upload the correct vid. The damage had already been done. Typing "SEE I TOLD YOU THE REVAMP WOULD BE SHITE HA HA HA” in the Kemama comment box really just is the ESC equivalent of reponding with “Actually, *all* lives matter :smug:” to a BLM support pamphlet, isn’t it?

NF CORNER

While not my favourite NF of the bunch, I found the Czech NF to be lowkey epic. Not epic enough to remember its name but regardless Czechvision or whatever marked the end of an era because it was also the last selection spearheaded by Jan Bors :o

I think I’ve made it clear enough in the past that I’m somewhat mixed on Bors Era Czechia - Lake Malawi were a toetapping good, Ickolas was a pockmarked, skin-crawling evil and the other three inhibit a purgatory somewhere between “moderately nice” and “moderate timewaste.”

Still, I have great respect for the man who orchestrated Czech’s comeback after scoring NINE POINTS TOTAL across three years with the mindset of “So what? Why says we can’t win?” so ofc I was all into the idea of the “EIGHT INDIE ANGELS, HAND-PICKED BY BORS HIMSELF” NF that would serve as his swan song.

Naturally things went down the drain the second Bors left, with one of the eight peacing and his successor cancelling the live broadcast (does anyone remember what exactly happened? I vaguely recall one was the cause of the other but lol it’s July can’t be bothered to factscheck (Factsczeck?) anymore, bitches.

Anyway, ON TO THE GOOD STUFF, and yes, there was plenty.

We All Poop - “ All the Blood (Positive Song Actually)”

Yes, as you can imagine I ofc IMMEDIATELY fell into like when I saw that chyron and invisioned the inevitability of the Czech Rep’s Rep immediately alienating every parent just based on their name alone <3 😍 w/e WAP quickly became that “Good but not great” song you find in every NF that everyone gushes over because it’s the whitest option available. Like, yes, “All the blood” is good, but musically it’s identical to Green Day and Twenty-One Pilots and god name ANY 90s-early00′s American Punk Rock band. For me the enjoyment came from the fact that WAP were openly crazy vegan fundamentalists and the VC clip actively condemns the use ANY animal protein by replacing the cattle and game with LITERAL HUMAN BEINGS. 😍 :fusedmarcintensifies: :kasiamosage:

Pam Rabbit - “Get up”

Ohhhh YES a glorious experimental Synth-Trap song only I could love and ofc I did. God what is there even to say; the provocative darkness of the verses combined with the swirling amorphousness of the chorus gives me LIFE. LUFF THIS SHIT <3333 Ftr, this was also the fave of Slovene Juror duo / synth angels / Boris faves ZALAGASPER, further proving their pathetic naysayers that they own all things music and the haters can suck a series of-

Barbora Mochowa - “White and Black Holes“

Lol, yes even with a “Get up” existing, there was a song I liked even more. Barbora proved a very competent Lana del Gay last year, but I was a YUGE fan of this year’s... Kate Bush-Björk blend of ethereal awesome. It is so soothingly beautiful and the rare example of a song that I find completely free of flaws. Were the competition not such a hard place, I’d be pissed she didnt win (at least she won the jury vote MASSIVE KUDOS to every alum on that) but w/e this selection had opions and I’m rather robbed of a “Kemama” than I am of a BRILLIANT IRREPLICABLE AETHERBALLAD. ~Danse balance sûr les white and black holes~

Elis Mraz & Cis T - “Wanna be like”

I *VERY* strongly felt that if the Czech Republic wanted to win ESC, they should have picked Elis and even now I STILL believe she could have won. That isn’t to say I gushed over “Wanna be like” because I find it kind of annoying lol. Yes, I LOVE an annoying female voice (:Tones&Icackle:) but Elis’s reaches a Camilla Cabello sort of place for me (good lord get Senorita OFF the fucking radio) and the Scat + White Guy Rapping middle-eight. 😬. However, the second I opened up the video clip for this paragraph and was immediately BLASTED by Elis murdering a ukelele and wearing a  “schoolgirl” outfit straight from a Japanese tentacle porn movie and OH MY GOD THE AGGRESSIVE TWERKING made me reconsider that hey, this min-sized Meghan Traynor actually kinda highkey owns, yo!  Yet, I’m not at all bothered we lost her in the Czech NF because we got UNO DOS QUATRO CINCO SEIS :fatmansplit: fill up the megameme slot instead, so...

Eurovision 2020 vs Eurovision 2021

BENNY RUINED HIS SONG AND NEVER WOULD HAVE QUALIFIED. jk I’m not a moron. Sure, “Kemama” wasn’t an easy sell because you know AFROBEAT in a contest where half of the people watching are fash (ie: all of Eastern Europe, who watch out of ~Nationalistic Sentiment~ 😬), but there are Kemama live renditions out there and he owns them SO hard lol. A few soundmixing issues really would not have stopped Benny from qualifying in that RIDICULOUSLY WEAKSAUCE SEMIFINAL are you fucking kidding me. He probably would’ve bombed in the Grand Final, but I mean it’s Czech and it’s not Ickolas so ofc it would have.

And Czech renewed him for 2021 regardless of the sceptics, woohoo! I think part of it was due the Czech not wanting to re-organize an ENTIRE NF from scratch without Jan Bors, but probably also because Benny owns live when he isn’t engaged in psychological trench warfare with actual human detritus <3 and also because the Czech fucking CARE about their artists and don’t drop them like a sack of rotten potatoes wtfshitprus.

Can’t wait for the moment when he qualifies and Efendi does not, etc, etc. 

FREAKY! FRIDAY! FACTOR!

I’d say that the core around which the Ben Drama spun was pretty standard fare: niche fave beats out the concensus fave, meltdowns ensue, people convince themselves it was the WRONG decision because it wasn the result they wanted, try to disown the song and make a fool of themselves because the song slaps, sorry. Even the revamp drama felt more of less generic for me, because yawn fantards melting down over a revamp of a song they don’t even like what else is new.  

However, what I do take away that the revamp was ENTIRELY Benny’s idea which he told no one about (cue to JAN BORS having a social media meltdown like he’s Caesar at the Ides of March 💔) added MORE afrobeat just to troll his haters even more <3  God, I’d say it was bad from a musical perspective but this level of in-your-face defiance is fucking iconic and hilarious, sorry. This entire this year is so batshit bonkers that the concept of a someone potentially shooting themselves in the foot and “torpedo’ing” their qualification chances  (not rly, he would’ve Q’d anyway lol) JUST to take the moral high ground in a racially coded argument only HE took seriously may not even be the craziest concept in the year! (lol it definitely isn’t. Look at the pics I haven’t greyed out yet)

This and more yield Benny some well-earned Senheads! Yay!! 

Score: 3 Senhits out of 5.