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mypunkpansexualtwin · 3 years

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Noticing the Little Things

-shows up a week late to Kiss Ryuji Day with Starbucks- I’ve contributed to a fandom event! mo you didn’t contribute shit I’ve contributed! Took a break from Misguided Wingman, so instead of a WIP Wednesday, y’all are getting 6.6k words of fluff instead!

Under a cut cause that’s a little much, and link to AO3 in the reblogs cause tumblr does terrible things to posts with links in them.

Hey, come meet my mom!

Ryuji had sprung the offer on him last minute via dead of the night text. It wasn’t as though he’d been trying to catch Ren off guard intentionally; it was more a matter of this being her first full day off in nearly a month that hadn’t fallen through for one reason or another. Ren had quickly learned that those sorts of days were few and far between, and notoriously difficult to plan around because of it. Even rarer were the days where both Sakamotos’ schedules lined up for a full day of quality time, especially now with the addition of Phantom Thievery. And Ryuji had offered to share this once in a blue moon opportunity with his best friend. Naturally, even as tired as he’d been when the message came through, Ren had jumped at the chance. For once it (mostly) didn’t have anything to do with his crush on his best friend that could have been viewed from space, Ren was just excited to finally meet the woman whose praises Ryuji’d been singing since they met.

The next morning, Ryuji had texted him again uncharacteristically bright and early--especially for a Sunday--hoping to put their heads together for something nice to do for her. He didn’t want her to do a bunch of work on one of her rare days off and Ren didn’t blame him one bit. He pitched the idea of takeout; no effort to cook, no dishes to wash, only trash to take out after. Ryuji shot it down, hesitant to admit that they couldn’t quite afford enough takeout for all three of them this late in the month and even less willing to ask Ren to cover the whole thing. Which meant going out to eat somewhere was probably also a no-go. And then Ren was struck by divine inspiration.

Or rather, he looked down at the breakfast that Sojiro had so kindly prepared for him before Leblanc opened. And then he texted Ryuji.

What if I made curry?

And that was how he ended up spending the rest of his morning at the grocery store, picking through produce with such a critical eye that it would have brought a tear to Sojiro’s. He’d assured Ryuji several times over that it was no trouble, he needed the practice anyway and he’d gotten some sizable bonuses from a couple of his jobs, so the shopping was no issue. Ren sent the list of what he needed and, after a little more convincing, Ryuji had sent back a list of what they didn’t already have in the apartment, as well as a promise to have the kitchen ready when he arrived and to do dishes after all of his friend’s hard work. On top of the rest of his list, Ren added a nice tuna filet for Morgana, who’d be stuck in Yongen all day rather than risk getting anyone in trouble for bringing the not-a-cat to the Sakamoto apartment.

Ren double checked his bags and tried to shake off the feeling that he was missing something while Morgana halfheartedly berated him between bites of fish for being left behind. Halfway down the stairs to the cafe, it hit Ren and he couldn’t help but feel a little dumb for forgetting. His thumbs skated over his phone screen to ask Ryuji a question, only to get a question himself from Sojiro.

“Got everything you need to impress your mother-in-law, kid?” His tone was teasing as he looked over the boy’s armful of groceries. Ren sputtered an objection that was less actual coherent words and more disconnected, indignant noises, red as the bell peppers he’d selected as his caretaker chuckled. His phone buzzed as Ryuji’s answer came in.

“Actually…” Ren managed after the worst of the heat faded from his cheeks. “I was wondering if I could borrow a couple of things?”

-----

“Out.” Ren commanded, brandishing a freshly washed carrot like a dagger and flicking the water off of it at his friend.

“Hey! It’s my kitchen!” Ryuji argued but stepped back anyways with his hands up in a vain attempt to shield himself from the droplets.

“They’re my groceries. Go sit, I’m cooking.” Ren retorted and turned back to the cutting board. Sakamoto-san’s laugh could be heard from the living room, not that that was very far. It was a small apartment and the kitchen and living room weren’t so much two separate rooms as they were one room about the size of Leblanc’s attic interrupted by a short stretch of countertop. When he’d first come in, Sakamoto-san had scooped up the groceries from Ren’s arms before he’d gotten half a word of greeting out, Ryuji had dragged him off for a quick tour of the apartment, and he’d come back to everything he’d need laid out in a neat array next to the stove in the five minutes he’d been distracted.

“He fusses if he doesn’t get to help.” She explained while Ren worked. “He does it to me, too, y’know.” He couldn’t help but wonder with a roll of his eyes where ever could his best friend have gotten that habit from?

“Oh I fuss if I don’t get to help?” The blond asked dryly and then helpfully voiced Ren’s inner sarcastic inquiry: “Wonder where I picked that up?” A smile found its way onto Ren’s face as they continued bantering back and forth while he worked, Sakamoto-san sipping on tea in front of the television and Ryuji leaning on the counter from the living room side to watch his best friend cook.

It was comfortable, but not quite in the same way Leblanc had become; the cafe was a place to rest, to breathe, to hide. His attic bedroom felt undeniably safe, but was somehow paradoxically isolated from the world around it and almost entirely devoid of privacy. The apartment, though… With the sound of the tv providing soft background noise to Ryuji and his mother’s easy conversation and the smell of curry spices filling every corner of the small space, it felt safe in a way that felt like home, in a way the attic hadn’t quite managed yet, in a way his own home hadn’t really felt since he was a little kid. Something tense in Ren’s chest unwound and he hadn’t realized he was humming until Ryuji and Sakamoto-san had stopped talking to listen. It wasn’t even particularly good, at least as far as he was concerned, but it was the only way to get rid of the Velvet Room’s mysterious song when it got stuck in his head like it lived there. The silence stretched for an uncomfortable beat when he realized he had an audience.

“Um.” He glanced up from the frying pan for a moment, then quickly back down to it to hide his blush after meeting two matching sets of wide, brown eyes watching him. Nothing like an unblinking stare to make one self-conscious. “S-sorry. Did I interrupt you two?”

“Oh no, not at all! You have a lovely voice, Ren. Don’t let us stop you.” Sakamoto-san insisted with a kind smile that turned a little too knowing as she glanced over at her son.

“Yeah, man, you ain’t gotta quit ‘cause of us.” Ryuji affirmed, still watching him with a grin and a warm, wide-eyed look that the other boy couldn’t quite put a name to. “And she’s right, you’re pretty good. Hell, maybe we shoulda gone to that karaoke place for real the one time so you could show off.” Heat rose to Ren’s face that had nothing to do with the food he was cooking.

“Well, we could always go back, make that our next celebration after-- uh,” Ren quickly changed course before he accidentally blurted out ‘after the next change of heart’ in front of Sakamoto-san, “after exams. Get everyone together, take turns picking songs, that sort of thing.” Ren suggested. “Of course, that means you’d have to sing, too.”

“No way--!” The blond tried to object before his mother cut him off in her own excitement.

“Oh that sounds so fun!” She grinned more widely, with a mischievous gleam in her eye. Ren had seen an identical look on her son’s face enough times to slightly dread whatever she was about to say. “Maybe you boys could do a duet? I know a few songs that’d--”

“Mommmm!” Ryuji groaned indignantly while Ren smothered a laugh and prayed any color in his cheeks could be written off as a result of leaning over the hot stove.

-----

Ren watched a flurry of movement from where he’d gotten up to stir the curry and break out the pour-over setup. Boss had only let him borrow this one because it had been chipped a few years prior--still functional, but no longer restaurant quality--and because Ren had laid the flattery on especially thick when he begged to use it.

“Ooh, you’re gonna make coffee? I’ll be right back, I know what else’ll go perfect with it!” Ryuji had jumped up and all but bolted for the door. “Be right back!”

“Wait, I was just--” He tried to tell the blond, but the door had already snapped shut before he could finish, “--setting it up.” He sighed and offered a helpless shrug to Sakamoto-san. “It’s supposed to go with the curry, but that’s going to be simmering for a while.”

Sakamoto-san chuckled and smiled fondly in the direction her son had disappeared. “You know how excitable he can be, and he’s been looking forward to introducing us for a couple of months now.” She stood and stretched with a groan, then walked over and leaned on the counter. Ren could practically feel her gaze on him as he worked; even with as warm and casual as the look on her face was, something in her eyes felt scrutinizing. He was being sized up with no idea as to why. Sakamoto-san’s smile stayed in place, as gentle as before when she asked, “why not brew us each a cup anyway? Ryuji’s been raving about the one you made him and how well it’d go with old lady Ueda’s ginger peach danishes since the beginning of summer. And since he’s even less of a coffee drinker than I am, I’m eager to see the master at work.”

“If you want to see the master at work, you’ll have to come by Leblanc and meet So-- um, Sakura-san.” He explained with a nervous, slightly forced chuckle of his own. After a moment of internal debate, Ren nodded. “But I did bring enough for everyone to have a couple of cups. Couldn’t hurt to see if you like it as much as Ryuji does. Maybe I’ll impress you just as much, Sakamoto-san.” That had been exactly why he was doing this, why he had worked so hard to convince Boss to part with even a little of his cafe equipment.

She barked a laugh at that and startled Ren enough that he nearly knocked over the bag of coffee he’d traded away a full week of work for. “Two things. Three, actually. One, please just call me Hana. Because, two, I’ve been impressed with you for months, kid. And, three, don’t beat yourself up if you can’t impress me as much as Ryuji ‘cause that’s gonna be an awfully high bar to clear. I don’t know exactly what you did to do it, but you pulled him out of…” Hana-san trailed off with a sigh, and then continued with a slightly thick edge to her voice, “out of a pretty dark place, y’know. My boy adores you.”

With that and the overwhelming warmth in her eyes, Ren could feel his own throat tightening, but he managed to choke out a weak, “O-okay.” And then he couldn’t force anything else out. How were you supposed to react to hearing your probably-unrequited-crush’s mom tell you that said crush adored you? As if she could read the question on his face, she reached over to clap him on the shoulder encouragingly.

“Don’t worry about sayin’ anything, My sunshine’s told me you’re not much of a talker. Just make sure you keep showin’ him how much he means to you too, alright?”

“I will. Thank you, Hana-san.” He finally replied and got the same annoyed frown he’d gotten from Ryuji two days into their friendship, when he’d met his new nickname with Ryuji’s family name. Although responding to Renren with Sakamoto back then had been an attempt at teasing on Ren’s part, calling Sakamoto-san by just her given name felt like too much.

The door creaked open and pulled her attention off of Ren as Ryuji came bouncing through, nearly forgetting to kick off his shoes in his excitement to deliver the prized pastries.

“You weren’t kidding when you said this one was formal, sunshine.” She sighed. “And damn, I’ve never seen you make that trip so fast. You that excited to show off to your Renren? ” Ryuji squawked in offense and Ren could feel his face flame at how she’d emphasized his nickname.

“N-nah, he could probably sense that I was just about to ask about embarrassing baby pictures is all.” Ren deflected as he went back to prepping their coffee.

The only thing better than the look of utter betrayal Ryuji gave him was the one of unbridled delight on Hana-san’s face.

-----

Dinner had passed cheerfully, if somewhat raucously, as Hana-san and Ryuji regaled their guest with stories about Ryuji’s childhood, and the boys entertained her with stories about their time together since the beginning of the school year. Ren felt himself opening up more and more easily as the meal had gone by and even shared a few stories from his time working at Leblanc, as well as the specifics behind balancing the night’s coffee and curry. As per usual, Ryuji didn’t really seem to be absorbing the specifics, but seemed more than happy to watch his friend talk about something he was enthusiastic about. Ren was even openly laughing by the end of dinner while he and Ryuji recounted the time they had met up for lunch after separately incurring Ushimaru’s wrath by falling asleep in class, then bursting out laughing at each other’s identical chalk bruises on their foreheads. They didn’t mention that each of them still had the other’s half of the subsequent selfie set as their phone’s home screen.

Afterwards, the atmosphere in the apartment settled a little when Ryuji shooed both his mother and his best friend out of the kitchen to sort out leftovers and wash dishes. In the meantime, Ren and Hana-san sat in comfortable quiet in the living room while half-watching the talk show on tv and enjoying the last of the coffee and danishes. Ryuji had been spot-on, Ren noted, the flavor paired beautifully with what he’d been secretly calling the Kidd Blend since he first got his right hand man’s seal of approval. As per usual, even if Ryuji didn’t have a head for the specifics, his instincts were unparalleled.

“He’s got good taste, right?” Hana-san remarked as she watched Ren’s thoughtful chewing. He nodded. Again with that uncanny ability to read him; it would have been unsettling if he hadn’t already been used to it from Ryuji and just figured that she was where he got it from. She cracked a smile after taking another sip from her coffee and said, “I gotta admit, I was skeptical when he said it was good enough to go with our favorite dessert. Figured he was just talking you up again ‘cause I’ve never had a cup of coffee I actually liked. I only drink it if I need the caffeine fix. But this? This is damn good.” Hana-san drained the cup and let out a satisfied sigh before she settled back a little further into her seat.

At that point Ren had been keeping a running tally of how many little gestures and features Hana-san and her son had in common. Despite their differences physically--where Ryuji was tall and all lean, hard lines, Hana-san was considerably shorter than her son and built soft and sturdy--there was no denying they were mother and son with as many quirks and features as they had in common. The same warm, brown eyes that tilted upwards just a little at the outer corners; the same bright smile that lit up their entire faces and laughter that filled every corner of the room; the same animated manner of speaking, all open expression and wild gestures to tell a story; the same bright quality to their voices, loud and boisterous without being overwhelming. The same way of making him feel like he’d known them all his life within the span of a few hours. That last one was about when he’d lost count, and therefore couldn’t say where he was when he noted that even with the difference in their specific posture, the two even relaxed the same way when they sat. Ryuji tended to sprawl out and Hana-san seemed more comfortable curling up when she sat, but they both had something loose and open about the way they sat, something oddly approachable.

“You’re always welcome to come by Leblanc, Hana-san.” Ren said with a smile, then added somewhat proudly, “Although I’ll have to direct Boss since Ryuji only gets coffee when I make it.”

“We’ll see if I get some time. And seriously, kid, just Hana is fine. I’ve heard enough about you from Ryuji that I feel like I already know you.” She insisted.

“Wh- really?” His head snapped up from his drink. He knew that he and Ryuji were best friends, probably the closest friends that either of them had ever had. But he hadn’t actually thought about the fact that that meant Ryuji talked about him to other people. It was probably silly the way something that obvious could warm him from the inside and fill his chest with butterflies, but it did.

“Oh yeah. Honestly, I knew I liked you before he ever even said your name. It was like out of nowhere his grades started picking back up, I wasn’t getting any more calls about him skipping classes, he seemed motivated again, like he hadn’t been since…” Hana-san looked over at Ryuji, busy and oblivious in the kitchen, as her face darkened and her voice dropped before she continued, “since before that sonofabitch broke my boy’s leg.” The bitterness passed after a moment and she fixed Ren with a gaze brimming with that same overwhelming warmth and kindness from before. “I knew that whoever it was that brought my boy’s smile back… that was someone I wanted to meet, y’know? That was someone I wanted to thank. So, thanks Ren. You brought my sunshine back.”

“I… You’re welcome.” Ren mumbled. “It’s not…” He stopped himself from saying it wasn’t a big deal because that definitely wasn’t true. “I mean, he did just as much for me.” Then he took a sip from his coffee, at a loss for what else to say.

“I’m sure he did, he’s a good boy. But this is me thanking you, not him.” She shrugged as she watched him drink and her smile went crooked as her voice took on a teasing lilt. “Still, I guess if Hana is too informal for you, you could always just call me Mom. Might as well get in the habit now, right?”

So. Hot coffee coming out of one’s nose was very painful. That was the immediate sensation that momentarily distracted Ren from the shock of Hana-san’s statement. She jumped up in surprise as he choked on his drink, then quickly grabbed a dish towel from the nearby counter and handed it to him. He coughed a few times and wiped at the surprisingly little amount of coffee that he’d gotten on himself, before finally clearing his throat and wheezing out, “Excuse me?”

Hana-san was very clearly trying not to laugh at him while she gave him another of those warm smiles that just confused him this time. “I know you two are dating, I’m not blind, kid.” Ren’s eyes widened and his jaw dropped. Hard. It prompted another coughing fit and Hana-san couldn’t hold back from laughing this time. “Even if I was, I still would’ve picked up on it. You two are too obvious. It’s sweet, really. The way you light up when you’re watchin’ him? And the first time I finally got your name out of him, you were suddenly the only thing he wanted to talk about. ‘ Hey mom, I’m hanging out with Ren today, don’t worry ‘bout dinner for me, we’re gonna get ramen. Man, can’t believe Ren’s never been to a real arcade before. His hometown didn’t really have one, so I’m gonna show him my favorite tomorrow. Hey mom, me and Ren are going to the gym today, yeah we’re gonna be running, yeah I’m running again, didn’t I tell you? Nah, I don’t need anything for my birthday, I know money’s tight this week and Renren’s taking me fishing so it’s all good. Hey, did you know Ren hung the moon? Ain’t that sweet of him? I should do somethin’ to say thanks.’ Like I said, kid. Ryuji adores you.” Hana finished softly. Almost ruefully, but he missed that part. Ren’s head was spinning, out of sheer confusion and excitement and terror and hope that he’d been aggressively stomping down for months, as well as the fact that all the blood in his body seemed determined to rush to his face all at once.

“He… told you we’re dating?” He managed hoarsely, eyes flicking to Ryuji still washing dishes and still completely oblivious to their conversation with the water running. Did… Had Ryuji confessed to him without Ren realizing? Had those moments he’d dismissed as wishful thinking, bein’ free and my place is next to you, actually been what he hadn’t dared even hope for?

Had he been dating Ryuji Sakamoto this entire goddamn time without even realizing it?

“Well, no. At first I thought it was because he was nervous about coming out to me. I did what I could to let him know it wasn’t an issue, and since he never really changed how he talked about you, I figured he must have just been so excited to have such a wonderful boyfriend that he just... forgot to tell me.”

Ren barked out a rough laugh and then winced at the way it grated on his scalded sinuses. “Then that would make two of us, Hana-san. If I had realized this was that kind of ‘come meet my mom,’ I would’ve convinced Sojiro to let me bring one of the top-shelf blends.” A hollow laugh escaped him as Hana-san’s face fell.

“Oh. Oh… Ah shit, I’m so sorry! I went and made things awkward with him now, haven’t I?” She winced apologetically and looked down at the dishtowel when Ren handed it back. “And wasted that fantastic coffee on top of it, too. You’re sure you’re okay?” Ren waved the apology off.

“It’s fine, please don’t worry about it, Hana-san.” She frowned at him and he finally relented. “Hana. I just... have a couple questions for him now. That I have no idea how I’m gonna ask.” He ran a hand through his hair and glanced back at Ryuji again, who was nearly done cleaning up the kitchen.

“Well, good luck when you do. But I don’t think you’re gonna need it.” She assured him with a wink and a gentle clap on the shoulder. “So, if that wasn’t the top shelf stuff, what was it? Besides still pretty damn killer, obviously.”

“Huh? Oh. Second from the top. Still took some serious convincing and I’ll be working behind the counter at Leblanc all week to make up for it.” Ren flashed Hana a tired smile. “Worth it, though. Every non-coffee-drinker I impress is a win in my book.”

Her laugh in response took the sting out of his embarrassment. And his slightly burnt throat. “Well then, guess I will have to find a minute to come by, enjoy me some coffee, curry, and a captive audience.” Hana grinned and Ren couldn’t help but return it.

“I’ll look forward to the company.”

-----

Rather than walk straight to the closest station, Ren and Ryuji had decided to take the scenic route and loop through a nearby park once first. Ren stuck close to the blond, given that he was a lot more familiar with the area as one of his go-to running practice routes. That and, while it was refreshingly cool for Ryuji outside the apartment, Ren ran colder than his friend and was starting to get uncomfortably chilly. As if on cue, Ryuji fell into step right next to him and threw an arm around his shoulder, and Ren felt himself immediately relax into the touch to leech his right hand man’s body heat.

“I’m really glad you finally got to meet my mom. Glad you hit it off with her, gotta admit I was kinda nervous at first.” Ryuji finally said.

“Really? Why?”

“Well you know after my old man took off, it was just me ‘n her, yeah?” Ren nodded. “Even when I had other friends before… everything, Mom was always my best friend. Lame, right?” Ryuji gave a halfhearted, self-deprecating laugh. Ren nudged his shoulder a little more firmly against the blond, not willing to let the disparagement pass uncontested.

“Not at all, she’s pretty great. Wish I was half as close with my folks as you two are.”

“Right. Yeah, she is. Anyways, yeah, mom was always my best friend. So when you turned up--and it’s not like she said anything so I could be wrong--but when you turned up I think she was a little jealous? Not like tellin’ me not to hang out with you or anythin’, she’s been real glad to see me with friends again! But I was kinda worried she felt…” The blond trailed off, waving his free hand vaguely as he tried to come up with the right word.

“Pushed aside?” Ren supplied.

“Exactly! So even after I knew she’d warmed up to you after hearin’ about you so much, I was kinda nervous that she wouldn’t get along with you. So yeah, I’m glad you guys hit it off.”

“I’m glad, too.” He couldn’t help but wonder if Hana had told Ryuji what she’d told him, how she knew she liked Ren as soon as Ryuji started getting back on his feet again. There was no way she’d told him she was certain they were dating, although that probably would have made bringing it up easier for Ren, if no less awkward. It wasn’t as though he could just blurt out ‘hey are we dating, your mom was pretty convinced I’m your boyfriend and I’m really hoping she was right’. Well okay, he could if he could work up the nerve, but that was a pretty big ‘if.’

“Hey.” Ren could hear the frown in Ryuji’s voice and didn’t have time to react before his glasses were being tugged off his face and tucked into the collar of the other boy’s shirt. “You’re doin’ that thing again, where you’re overthinkin’ somethin’ and you disappear behind your damn glasses. What’s up?”

Ren blinked up at Ryuji a few times, barely registering that, huh, that was a habit of his wasn’t it, before the words “Why sunshine?” fell out of his mouth.

“Huh?” Ryuji fixed him with a puzzled look that shifted into one of flushed embarrassment as the question registered. “Oh, right, the nickname. Uh, my hair, mostly.”

“Makes sense. This is gonna sound dumb, but even though I know you bleach it, I was still surprised that your mom’s brunette.” Ren admitted. “I guess part of me was expecting her to be blonde, too.”

“I was actually aimin’ for her color the first time we bleached mine.” Ryuji admitted, then frowned like he hadn’t meant to say anything.

“Really?”

“Yeah. I didn’t… I wasn’t always so gung-ho about the whole ‘fine, you’re gonna call me a punk, I’ll give you an effin’ punk’ thing, y’know? That didn’t really click all the way into place ‘til I got Kidd.” The blond took a slightly shaky breath and exhaled deeply before shooting his friend a questioning glance. Ren nodded for him to continue. He wasn’t going to push and Ryuji knew that, but he was definitely curious. “Right. So, this was back when my leg was still healin’ last year. Had a rough day on it, came home feelin’ like ten kindsa shit, like bad enough I went straight to the bathroom and threw up I hurt so damn bad. And as I’m washin’ my face after, I catch how my face looks in the mirror and… and I look like just as much shit as I feel.” Ren could feel how sharply Ryuji spat the hollow, bitter laugh before he continued, “specifically, I looked just like my old man whenever he was hungover. Effin’ hated it, seein’ a face I had damn near blocked out ‘cause it’d been so long since I saw it just starin’ back at me from the mirror.” Ren wrapped his arm around his best friend’s shoulders the same way Ryuji’s was draped across his, then gave his best shot at a comforting squeeze.

Ryuji shot him a crooked smile and brightened as he kept talking. “Anyways, I told Mom what happened and asked if we could dye it the same color as hers. And she was totally down for it. So she went out, got a bleach kit, annnnnd when we used it, we totally overshot it. I lost track of time and turned my hair bright freakin’ yellow and patchy as hell, too,” he laughed. “And man, we laughed harder than we had in months at that. She spent the rest of the night callin’ me sunshine to mess with me, but it was nice seein’ her really smile again, y’know? So when she asked me the next day what kind of dye I wanted to cover it up with, I told her to grab more bleach and we’d try and even it out cause the blond grew on me. And honestly? The name did, too.” Ryuji shook Ren’s shoulder in warning. “But don’t tell her I said that.”

“My lips are sealed. It suits you, though. The name,” Ren affirmed and ruffled his hand through the shock of surprisingly soft, blond hair, “and the look.” Ryuji swatted his hand away with a laugh and let it settle back on his shoulder.

“Yeah. Long as I can get away with it, I’m keepin’ it.” Ryuji stretched and fixed Ren with a look. “Aight, now what were you actually thinkin’ about?”

“Uh, w-well.” Shit. Nothing else came to mind through the haze of mild panic that struck Ren. No excuses, no delays, no deflections. Oh, to hell with it, nothing ventured, nothing gained. Time to just rip the bandage off. “Your mom thinks we’re dating and you just forgot to tell her because you got caught up in being excited about it.”

“WHAT?!” Ryuji yelped and jumped back like he’d been burned. Not the best reaction, but Ren was already determined to just get it all out.

“Yeah. And as soon as she put it like that, I suddenly wasn’t sure that I just… hadn’t realized I’d accepted a confession at some point.” He explained, eyes fixed on the path in front of them. Ryuji laughed, high and nervous, bordering on slightly hysterical.

“Wh-when would I have even--”

“My place is next to you.” Ren’s heart was hammering in his chest hard enough that he was worried it might crack a rib or five.

“...oh. Right. Okay, yeah, that’s… that’s fair.” Ryuji had stopped walking and was frowning at the concrete as he scuffed the toe of his shoe at it. “So you been tryin’ to let me down easy or somethin? Don’t worry about it, dude, that wasn’t…” He trailed off and Ren finally turned to face him. The pang that squeezed his heart left him breathless when he saw the look of utter disappointment on Ryuji’s face. Ren was frozen, even as something in the back of his head screamed at him to fix it before Ryuji got the wrong idea. The blond straightened up with a laugh that sounded more like a scoff and ran a hand through his hair. “Man, that explains all the ‘you know you can tell me anything’ conversations she’s been tryin’ to have lately. I was worried she’d caught on about the Phantom Thief stuff, but she just… God, do I even wanna know what you told her?”

Ren practically jumped at the opening. “I told her if I’d known it was that kind of ‘hey come meet my mom’ that I would have brought better coffee.” He tried to look his best friend in the eye as he confessed, but just… couldn’t. Better to focus on getting the words out however he could. “I haven’t been trying to figure out how to let you down easy, kind of the opposite, actually.” He did his best to ignore the quiet intake of breath that got, or the way Ryuji tensed in his peripheral vision. “I’ve been working up the courage to ask and bracing myself for when you shot me down. I… I really like you.”

“...forreal?” Ryuji’s voice was soft with disbelief.

“Yeah.” Ren’s voice cracked, nerves finally getting the better of him. But he could at least answer, even if he still couldn’t look the other boy in the eye.

“You… You like me? Like, like-like me?”

“Yes. Have for a while, now. I might... “ Ren cleared his throat and tried again. “I might be a little past just like at this point, honestly.”

A breathless, disbelieving chuckle followed by, “Seriously?”

“Mhm.” A stiff nod.

“Why?” Ryuji’s tone had escalated from disbelief to full-on incredulity, sapping away all of Ren’s nerves in favor of sheer indignance when he whipped around to his best friend.

“How could I not?!” Ren nearly shouted, just self-aware enough to be glad they were alone. “You’re brave, so goddamn brave and so goddamn kind, protecting people--total strangers, sometimes--and expecting nothing back! You’re ridiculously good-looking and have an amazing smile and the best laugh I’ve ever heard, not to mention you’re just so damn compassionate? Quick to help people and even quicker to apologize when you mess up, even with just the little mistakes, and you always mean it and try to do better. And I’ve never in my life met someone as loyal as you, never had someone that I could rely on the way I rely on you!” Ren ranted, slightly light-headed from how quickly the words just poured out of him. “For fuck’s sake, you saved my life when I was just some guy off the street! The Phantom Thieves wouldn’t exist at all without you, and I… I would have spent the rest of the year, maybe even the rest of my life hiding if I hadn’t met you--”

“Hey.”

“Huh?” When had Ryuji stepped so close? How had Ren not noticed those warm, calloused hands cupping his jaw and tipping his head back up to look back at a face that wore an achingly-sweet expression of pure admiration, tempered only by the hint of apprehension at the corners of those warm, brown eyes Ren was such a sucker for?

“I’m gonna kiss you now. Izzat okay?”

“Please.” Ren whispered as his heart jumped up into his throat and Ryuji’s flushed face drew closer.

Both boys’ eyes fluttered shut at the first brush of lips, soft and deliberate. The second was just as gentle, just as careful, even as Ryuji’s fingers twitched against Ren’s jaw like it was taking all of his self control not to just dive in. Like he’d been thinking about how to do it right, planning it for a while, and that thought made Ren’s stomach flip. He slid one hand up the nape of Ryuji’s neck and buried his fingers in his hair at the third kiss, and wrapped his free arm around the blond’s waist to pull him closer partway through the fourth. From there, he lost count. It was the seventh or eighth kiss that found him pressed up against a nearby tree, and something like the thirteenth before nerves gave way to excitement and one of them deepened the kiss. He stopped counting entirely after the cautious sweep of Ryuji’s tongue over his lower lip temporarily shorted out his higher brain functions and pulled an embarrassingly needy sound from the back of his throat. Somewhere in the distantly coherent part of his brain, Ren made a mental note to start buying gum or mints because coffee-and-curry breath was… not great for kissing. It still took the two of them several minutes to break apart because kissing Ryuji, finally actually kissing him, was so much better than he’d imagined, even after months of daydreaming.

“So…” Ren sighed against the corner of Ryuji’s mouth, their foreheads resting against each other as they caught their breath. “Just to make sure we’re on the same page, no room for confusion--”

“Oh my god Renren, seriously?!” The words didn’t have any bite, being equal parts incredulity and laughter as Ryuji shoved gently at Ren’s shoulder.

“I just wanna be sure!” Ren laughed right back.

“Are you effin’ serious, how can you not be-- fine.” Ryuji pulled him into a tight hug, peppering his face with kisses as he spoke. “Ren Amamiya,” kiss, “will,” kiss, “you be,” kiss, “my,” kiss, “boyfriend?”

“Yes.” Ren turned his head to catch another kiss that Ryuji had aimed at his temple, sliding his tongue into the blond’s mouth and kissing him hard enough that his best friend was scarlet when he pulled away. “I would love to.”

Then he kissed Ryuji again. And again. And again.

-----

Eventually, Ren and Ryuji had broken apart long enough to return his glasses and get him on a train back to the cafe. He had been grinning like a dork for the entire ride and practically floated back into Leblanc when he got back, earning a weird look from Morgana on the counter. Sojiro was too busy to notice, nearly done cleaning up with most of the dishes already put away and the next day’s curry prepped and simmering. Ren stepped in, grabbed the washcloth off the side of the sink and started wiping down the counter.

“I can finish cleaning, you go ahead and get home to Futaba.” He insisted.

“Well you’re in a good mood. I take it you impressed the mother-in-law?” Boss teased.

“Yep, I think I did!” Ren chirped from behind the counter, then tried not to laugh. Sojiro did a double take and his face flickered through several expressions at once--sly and teasing, smug triumph, confusion, recognition, and further confusion--as he realized his ribbing hadn’t landed like it had just that afternoon.

Eventually he let out a “hmph” before probably deciding not to ask. “Don’t forget to lock up, and put back everything you borrowed, alright? I’ll see you in the morning.”

Ren waved as the door jangled shut behind him and hummed cheerfully as he worked.

“I take it you two idiots finally figured it out?” Morgana asked and Ren only grinned. At that point his face was starting to hurt from smiling so much. “Blech, glad I missed out.” The cat stretched languidly before hopping down and trotting up the stairs. “Congratulations, though. Taste notwithstanding, I’m happy for you two.”

“So you don’t want the play-by-play?” Ren called after him.

“I will steal your bed and make you sleep in a booth!”

#my writing #kiss ryuji day #persona 5 #pegoryu #akiryu #how obvious is it that I never write kissing like. ever.#no beta we die like [December spoilers]#which is to say. ambiguously.#oh my god I actually finished a wip it's a christmas miracle

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annakie · 3 years

Text

Patchy

A little under two years ago I made this post, a chronicle of Patchy, the outside feral, turned inside kitty who took ten years to learn to love being petted.

Today we got some bad news.

TW for pet illness under the cut.

Patchy’s always been a bit of a puker, usually oh, say, once a month or so she’d have a good puke for no reason. I’ve had other cats that are pukers so it’s not that surprising.

In the late winter/early spring I started to notice more frequent pukes.

I’d decided around that time that I needed to find healthier food for my cats, with Leela, the oldest turning 16, Fry turning 11, Pemily turning 7 and Patchy turning, I don’t know, 12 or 13. No way to really know. They already got decent food, but I did my research and had started looking at Blue Buffalo, American Journey and Dave’s canned food.

Patchy had been on a mostly canned food diet since she went to the vet back in early 2020 and had a bunch of teeth pulled. Also, as a note, Patchy’s brief flirtation with hanging out in the rest of the house ended after like a month. She and Fry fought too much, and eventually he claimed the rest of the house is his. He also still thinks the master bedroom should be his, but, Patchy defends that territory well if anyone else encroaches. (The door just stays closed most of the time.) I really wish they could have all gotten along, I loved having Patchy out, but both Fry and Patchy agreed it wasn’t going to work.

The food she’d been on was pretty junk-food-ish though, which she did love and eat. But I wanted everyone on more or less the same diet and the highest quality food I could readily get them. So I bought a lot of cans of different kinds of food, and kept a list of which ones seemed to be hits and misses. (I still have a dozen cans of the kind nobody liked -- Blue Buffalo Wilderness Salmon -- I’ve been meaning to take to the city shelter).

Around halfway into this experiment I noticed Patchy puking more, so I decided to try to stick with her favorite kinds, which, I thought was helping.

But once I was fully vaccinated this year, it was time to get all the pets to the vet. I noticed Patchy had still lost some weight, I thought it was due to switching around her food too much earlier, and tried to stick with the things I felt she really liked.

Then, of course, Leela got sick, spent two and a half days in the pet ER and almost died back in April, and then it was like... yeah we’re done being afraid of COVID, we’re done waiting. It’s time to get them all their checkups.

My regular vet was doing COVID restrictions so no pet owners inside the clinic back then, so they took Patchy (and the others) in without me. I thought Patchy had lost some weight, but Dr. B. sounded alarmed when he called me with how much lost she’d lost in the last year, about five pounds. He wanted to do some bloodwork for Patchy, and I said of course go for it.

He called back, sounding much calmer and was like “her bloodwork couldn’t be more perfect. Let’s try switching up her food, get her on some sensitive stomach food and let’s see how she’s doing in a couple weeks.”

So two weeks later it did seem like she was doing better, I called Dr. B back and he said to bring her back in a month.

It was my plan to take her back next week when I had some PTO coming. I admit, later than planned... my last couple of months have been mucn more focused on Leela... who, thankfully, continues to thrive. But feeling like my time with her is running out, she’s been my main area of concern.

The last few days though, Patchy has really not been eating well. Sometimes she does OK, sometimes nothing at all. And then puking every day. I swapped her back even to a few cans of the Junk Food (Whiskas) I still had laying around. She’d eat it... and then puke it up. And also she... stopped sleeping with me. I thought... well, it’s summer. It’s probably too hot to cuddle. But she stopped laying on the bed. She stopped coming up for pets when I come to bed and hang out for awhile specifically to spend time with her and pet her. She runs under the bed again when I come into the room. It’s like we regressed to three or four years ago... just two weeks after our two year anniversary of getting to pet her.

So this afternoon we went to the vet. Getting her into the carrier sucked. I tried nice methods, then I had to scare her into the closet by running the vacuum, and then pretty roughly grab her. I have scratches and a pretty deep bite on my thumb which either maybe hit a nerve or is infected, may have to go to the doctor for it tomorrow. (Yes, washed it thoroughly with soap as soon as I could.) I also hated betraying her trust that badly, but it’s for her own good. But it was rough.

Dr B. wasn’t working so I saw one of the other vets. I liked him. Also COVID restrictions are gone so I got to go inside. But after talking to him for a few minutes, going over her history and what changes I’ve made, he spent a long time rubbing her intestines (Patchy was perfectly behaved, at least.) Then he looked concerned. Then he said let’s do an ultrasound.

A few minutes he came back in and showed me her scans.

Lymphoma.

I was a bit stunned for a second so I missed a bit of the technical speak he said next, but it came down to the best thing we could do is give her some medicine that may buy her more time. It doesn’t sound like Chemo or Operating is even really an option. I’m going to call back tomorrow and see if Dr. B or the vet I talked to can talk me through it a little better now that I’ve had a chance to digest.

If I can get Patchy to take the medicine, and if she responds well to it... she may have 3 - 6 months left.

If she won’t take it, or if she doesn’t respond, it’s at this point, a matter of her comfort and quality of life. So... weeks. And I’m worried about getting her to take the medicine, especially since she won’t even come let me pet her and we just had a huge trust betrayal today. I don’t know if I could take her spending her last few weeks hating me, especially if the medicine doesn’t work.

The vet also told me that... I didn’t do anything wrong. And we did the right thing six or so weeks ago by changing her food and seeing if a few other things worked. Especially with how good her blookwork looked. He barely felt the cancer today, he said six weeks ago Dr. B wouldn’t have been able to feel it at all. And for this particular type of lymphoma... there’s not a lot to be done, anyway. That made me feel better, at least.

(As a really dumb side note, after I got her home, I sat down to eat dinner and watch an episode of Star Trek to take my mind off of all of this since I’d been crying since I found out, paid my bill, and drove home, stopping at a drive through so I didn’t have the mental load of cooking. And I’m in the middle of my rewatch of Enterprise. I bet any trekkies reading this can guess what episode was next in my rewatch because yep I’m in season two and A NIGHT IN SICKBAY started playing, of course, so obviously I NOPED THE FUCK OUT OF THAT EPISODE. For the non-Trekkies.... the Captain has a dog on board, an adorable beagle, Porthos. The dog gets sick and almost dies and spends his night in Sickbay. He does pull through. But the ONE episode centered around a beloved pet getting sick and almost dying... and that’s the episode that fate decreed I was supposed to watch tonight. I did not. I don’t know if I can watch it anytime soon.)

So now for the next few weeks I will spend my time being grateful that Leela is alive and thriving and pray she keeps doing so -- I will continue to give her extra love and care and attention, and also I will need to do the same for Patchy. I can’t even do it at the same time because Patchy will not come out here, and will not allow Leela in her room.

I am low-key freaking out that there’s the possibility of the nightmare scenario happening to me again. In winter 2016, after months of being sick, I woke up on Christmas morning and my 16-year-old cat Jim had died overnight. It was terrible, and traumatic, and I had to deal with everything all alone because anyone who could support me was... well, it was Christmas morning and my family was all out of town, too. Posting about it on Tumblr... actually really helped me, since it’s the only place I felt like I could talk about it.

That Christmas was on a Sunday.

Wednesday morning I woke up to hearing my dog, Cebu, moaning in pain. I rushed him to the vet, but whatever happened overnight, it was too late, maybe there wasn’t anything we ever could have done even if I’d been awake when the puking started. The vet said the kindest thing we could do was put him to sleep. And we did.

Also I just, JUST now realized that the vet who helped put Cebu to sleep was the same vet who I saw today about Patchy.

But I lost two of my pets within 3 days of each other. I was very lucky that my job let us have the week between Christmas and New Years off that year. I had a few days to pull myself together, and I needed it. It took months to recover totally, though. Every once in awhile I think about that week and I still cry, though. I miss them both so much and they both had deaths that were less than ideal.

I remember thinking then “I have like, five years of reprive. Leela will be sixteen in five years, and that’s when I have to start to worry again, when I have to be ready to say goodbye again.”

I thought then that even after that I’d have two or three years until Patchy would leave me, and two or three years past that until Fry. And then five more years with Pemily.

Right now I’m realizing that I will likely lose Patchy, very best case in six months, but possibly before July is over.

I need Leela to keep thriving. I don’t know how I would handle losing another two so close together again.

Patchy is... she’s the one who chose me. I chose my other cats. Fry and Pemily I plucked from the backyard when they were tiny kittens and brought them inside. They didn’t have a choice. Leela I adopted from a rescue, she didn’t have a choice. Patchy chose to stay. She chose to stick around when she realized I’d feed her. It took years but she learned to trust, she chose to come inside when it was cold, when it was hot, when it was storming, and when she was pregnant. She chose me to help raise the last litter of kittens she’d ever had. (My entire Rescue Kitties tag is full of adventures in finding, raising and usually adopting out strays. Lots and lots of posts about Patchy and her final litter. Been awhile since I’ve done it, though.)

I used to joke that Patchy was my roommate, not a pet. She ate, drank, did her business, and kept to herself for a long time. Don’t get me wrong, she was a very good, quiet, considerate roommate and I loved her. But it wasn’t until that wonderful day she let me pet her that I felt like she was my pet.

I loved having her just hanging out living in the house since 2014, but the last two years especially have brought me such joy. I’ve tried to never take Patchy’s trust in me for granted. It was EARNED. Every small step forward was a milestone to be celebrated. I worked for every bit of trust and love Patchy has given me, and have been rewarded. And it was worth it. Every minute. Every long, patient year.

Even now I’m telling myself... without me, she would have died years ago. Probably violently, or starved, maybe frozen to death. Getting to die of cancer brought on by older age is not something that most feral cats ever get to do. Getting to become an inside kitty where she’s loved, and comfortable for the second half of her life was something remarkable, brought on by her wiles and will to survive for so many years, bolstered by the food I left out for her. She’s had this much time, this much life, this much comfort and love that she would have never had otherwise, and that’s something to be happy about.

I’ve watched dozens of ferals come and go through my neighborhood throughout the years. I feed them, I work on seeing if I can get them to trust me enough to let me TNR them, but even those that I have, I don’t keep seeing for much longer. There’s one right now, I jokingly call him Patchy’s Boyfriend. He still won’t trust me and never has fallen for the trap when I’ve tried. But he’s there most nights when I feed him around 11. He’s getting terribly thin despite the quality food I leave out. I’ll miss him.

But none of them were Patchy. None of them became what she is to me. None of them survived long enough to adapt and decide to live another life.

Also? I wouldn’t have Pemily without her. Pemily is literally Patchy’s Granddaughter and that is one more thing I love Patchy for.

I feel guilty sometimes, both because I don’t spend nearly enough waking hours with her I feel, but I have three others who need me, as well. One who’s time is growing short, as well. And they don’t get to sleep with me, she does. What a joy it was all winter when I would wake up and she’d be sleeping on my chest. I’d get a bit annoyed when she’d sleep with her backside to my face and her tail would tickle my face and wake me up. I’m a side-sleeper half the night and she hated that it was harder to get comfortable on me that way. She still doesn’t want to have my hand just stay on her, she wants pets and skirtches, no long-form touching. That’s ok. I sleep better with her weight on me.

I don’t know what the next few weeks or months will hold, but at least pet-wise, it’s going to be rough. I’m going to wrap this up and give these three out here a good pet, then go hope Patchy comes and asks for love, too. Tomorrow is one more day with all four of them, and for that, I’ll be grateful, for every remaining day.

#personal post tag thingy #my pets #pet illness tw #pet death tw

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stimuliandthelike · 4 years

Text

much ado about nothing (2011)

or i guess in other words, the one with tennant and tate. this is for future reference but also for u @jules1144.

a shakespeare play set up like Mamma Mia with a low budget... i am in love

apparently the way to make me fall in love with you is by being beatrice

our first impression of beatrice is witty-wine-aunt and our first impression of benedick is crazy-area-man-makes-dramatic-entrance-in-a-poorly-decorated-golf-cart and i think thats very cash money of them

“my deeeaarrR Lady Disdain... *high pitched voice* are yoU YET LIVING?” he looks so SMUG and she looks so UNBOTHERED this is such a PERFECT PORTRAYAL OF THEIR CHARACTERS

beatrice: i had rather hear my dog bark at a crow than a man swear he LOoOooOOVes mE

benedick: :DDDDD

(oh u poor unaware souls)

theyre having so much FUN insulting each other i fucking love them so MUCH 7th grade me did not appreciate the absolute GOLD MINE this play was

don john: im not of many words- benedick: and yet he never shuts the fuck up!!!!!!

claudio: no i pray thee speak in sober judgement benedick: ....why...?

benedick is me everytime one of my friends talk to me about someone theyre falling for. just: “i noTeD HeR nOT BuT i LoOKeD At HEr”. tbt when i thought i was ace

bro... bro let me... get real close to your face bro.... let me be centimeters away from your neck and talk about my evil plans bro... bro... i cannot hide what i am bro... whats that bro?... im gay bro...

BEATRICE IN A SUIT!!!!! BEATRICE IN A SUIT!!! HOLY MOTHER OF GOD BEATRICE IN A SUIT!!!!! look i had so much respect for this woman already but it increases by the second i am in awe. if i had any doubts about being gay before they have been erased. also. the correct way to communicate with your family members is definitely 100% to swing your leg over a chair and rant about marriage and mock love when really you are scared nobody will ever love u. the sunglasses,,,,, the tie,,,, the quality

okay i know the costume design is absolutely fucking brilliant here and that david tennant dressed as a slutty peppa pig is absolutely a Topic of Interest but everytime they insult each other i gain a year in my life. google how do you cope when the love of your life tears you apart with her wit and her ability to destroy people with it.

also shes dancing AND roasting the fuck out of him. the power she has.

benedick.exe has stopped working

look. LOOK. claudio has no rights. but. BUT. the earrings and the necklace and the shirt are *chefs kiss*. yet another genius move by the costume department.

mr tennant he is moping. mr tennant u r breaking him.

therapy with Dad.

benedick: beatrice insulted me!!! she called me a JESTER :((( don pedro externally: uhh... what would give her that idea... done pedro internally: beatrice... will she be my wife? if she will not be my wife.. i will set her up with the man she claims to loathe.. ah...yes.. perfect.. i am cupid

also i knew hes a good actor but shit he portrays benedick so well. like. im in awe of ur acting sir. i’ve never laughed so much in my life while also simultaneously feeling so sad

just talking about the woman you definitely arent falling in love with with your dad friend... just talkin about how the woman you are definitely not in love with is so poisonous and horrible.... just talking about how much you despise the woman you are falling in love with...

JUST TALKING ABOUT HOW MUCH YOU DESPISE THE WOMAN YOU ARE FALLING IN LOVE WITH AS THE WOMAN YOU DEFINITELY DESPISE (NOT LOVE!!!!) CATCHES YOU IN THE ACT

side note: he yelp

therapy with Dad part 2

just talking to your dad friend about how you are definitely not in love with aforementioned man who is definitely not in love with you either. beatrice marry me

oh fuck dad friend has asked to marry me. abort abort abort abort abort..eat glass??

the best way to deal with the fact that beatrice wont marry you is to start pairing her up with the man she doesnt know she loves yet. deal with rejection by spreading love!!!! what a dude

oh how ~dramatic~ i wonder what will happen-

I DEFINITELY DIDN’T WONDER THIS WILL HAPPEN

the Vibes. the absolute vibes. a shakespeare character in shorts and a superman (thankyou @deathly-shipper) t shirt and sunglasses pining and monologuing away on the floor as he sips some beer from a funky straw... ingenious

benedick dissing claudio and talking about how much hes changed after falling in love but really its also foreshadowing how much benedick will change after he falls in love so hes dissing HIMSELF too... poetic cinema

the sheer chaoticness of this scene is so iconic where do i begin. three friends of benedick get together to try to get him with beatrice and spend the whole scene pretending they cannot see him while benedick blatantly runs around the place tripping over his feet as claudio waxes poetic about how much pain beatrice is going through because of her love... and how perfeCt poor benedick is for her.. how ingenious.. how despicable... i love them.

IS HE GOING TO DANCE

YES HE ABSOLUTELY IS

he will TWIRL

he will also CRASH INTO TRAYS OF FOOD

the piNinG

beATRICE LOVES ME??? mE??? she..loves.. ME???

beatrice: :| benedick: :DDDD

A Series of Unfortunate Events (catherine tate i am in love with you)

the fact that they shoot this like some 80s diner scene... cinematic... maybe i am gay. catherine tate playing beatrice is my gay awakening

what is even going on in this one. i have nothing but respect for all the actors involved. mayhaps when i am not afraid of tumblr crashing i will do a part 2

#im going to HOPE this was entertaining because #i loved this so much #much ado about nothing #shakespeare #david tennant #catherine tate #this is the #2011 performance

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sides-of-demigods · 5 years

Text

The Forest Incident Pt. 3

Word Count: 1,723

Warning(s): Blood, injuries, cursing, infirmary/hospital

Author's Note: I am upset. It wasn't supposed to be this short but I reached the damn paragraph limit and had to go pretty far back for the most natural cutting off point. I was gonna finish it all this chapter but I guess I'll have to wait a day to two. Ugh. So yeah, there'll be a part Fours that basically just an epilogue. Thanks Tumblr.

Part 1, Part 2, Part 4

Virgil muttered an apology and fully slapped the boy across the face and desperately shouted his name again.

Finally, Roman slowly opened his eyes and Virgil let out a little laugh of relief.

“Did...did you slap me?” Roman questioned, his voice weak.

“Well you wouldn't wake up,” Virgil said. “Didn't leave me much choice.”

He dragged Roman over to the nearest tree and propped him against it, flinching when Roman launched into a coughing fit.

“Hold on, hold on I've uh…I've got some first aid stuff just hold on,” Virgil muttered, practically incomprehensible.

Virgil tossed his sword and shield to the side so he could take off his backpack and rummage through it.

He ended up just taking everything but the protein bars out, because he still wasnt sure exactly what he needed.

He was no Patton, but he was pretty sure he could buy enough time to find Patton or get back to camp. Only problem, they had been following the tracks, so Virgil actually wasn’t sure which way Camp was.

But that was definitely a problem for later. For now, he had to keep Roman from bleeding out in the middle of the woods.

“Okay, here eat this,” Virgil shoved a large square of ambrosia into Roman’s hand and made sure he was starting to eat it before he used his sword to cut open Roman’s shirt.

He had to get it off in order to actually treat the gash and there was no way Roman was taking it off anytime soon.

“You know,” Roman started before coughing again. “If you wanted to see...see me shirtless...you could have just said something.”

"Shut up idiot," Virgil muttered. He opened the First Aid kit and began to use the cleaning gauze to wipe away as much of the blood as possible because at this point he couldn't even see the cut.

Roman looked on the verge of passing it again, but Virgil remembered something about keeping the patient awake by talking or something.

"You saved my life you know," Virgil ended up saying, inwardly cursing himself. "Throwing me my shield I mean. That was some quick thinking."

"You're welcome." Roman tried to laugh but ended up coughing again and slumped against the tree. "You, you saved me too...you know."

"I think all the blood suggests otherwise."

"But after that you…you got me out of the way...that stinger... remember?"

"Yeah I guess. Everything happened so fast." Virgil wasn't fully paying attention to the conversation. He had given up on the blood and reached for the rubbing alcohol, putting some on the left over gauze. "I've gotta clean this out. It's gonna hurt like a son of a bitch though, so try to just keep talking. Ready?"

Roman nodded and visibly braced himself, so Virgil pressed the gauze to the wound. Roman hissed loudly and his head fell back against the tree with a dull thunk. Virgil mumbled an apology under his breath.

"Not to mention, ow ow ow, this," Roman said, trying to follow Virgil's advice and just distract himself.

"What on Gaia's green earth are you talking about?" Virgil raised an eyebrow.

"Nursing me...back to, ow, health or whatever. Maybe you're...not an evil, ow, villain."

"And why's that?"

"Ah!"

"Sorry."

"Well if you really wanted me...ya know...dead...this would be the, ow, perfect opportunity. Secret…secret mission in the...the woods...crazy monster….already hurt…"

"I think you're in shock Princey."

"M'not in shock...you're in shock…. you're so...so calm."

Actually, if Virgil thought about it, the delirious demigod may be onto something.

Usually Virgil would be freaking the fuck out and definitely not treating a wound methodically and carefully and ESPECIALLY not since he himself was injured and exhausted, though the adrenaline coursing through his veins at the sight of Roman's cut and the blood on his own hands was probably to thank for that.

"Okay done with that." Virgil used the last scraps of gauze to get at least some of the blood off his hands before tossing it away. Usually Patton would scold him for something like that but Virgil couldn't bring himself to care about littering at the moment.

He reached for the bandages instead and helped Roman sit up so he could wrap that bandages around his torso and occasionally his shoulder to help keep them in place.

He used on hand to hold up Roman and the other to wrap the bandages, alternating which hand was doing which as he went.

"Hey Virge? I think...I think I'm gonna take a little nap now."

"Like hell you are," Virgil growled. "Don't think I won't slap you again."

"That's not nice," Roman pouted. He was getting increasingly delirious from a combination of blood loss, exhaustion, and pain, and Virgil wasn't sure how much longer he'd last.

Virgil had skills limited to basic First Aid and it wasn't professional quality either. If Roman didn't get help quick, Virgil wasn't sure he'd make it. He'd lost so much blood…

Plus Virgil would have to carry him back to camp and he had no idea which way that was.

Worse still, he didn't think his body could handle that.

He was bruised and battered as well, he was pretty sure he'd at least crack a few ribs, and was running on nothing but adrenaline at this point.

Virgil tucked the end of the bandage and secured it with medical tape, but that was about as far as his skills went. Now the other problem.

"We've gotta find Logan and Patton or figure out how to get you back to camp," Virgil was mumbling again, searching fruitlessly through his bag as if a miracle would suddenly appear. In fact, he was actually praying to every god he knew that that exact thing would happen. Because he was out of options.

"I could...do a spell," Roman suggested, his voice quieter and weaker than Virgil had ever heard.

"No, no way," Virgil argued immediately. "There's no way you have enough energy for one of those."

"I would if you gave me...gave more am..amber...ambrosia."

"You are just a FACTORY for bad ideas right now, aren't you? I already gave you a risky amount, anymore and you'll probably burn up!"

"I don't think we have another choice."

He was right of course. As much as Virgil hated it. If they did it Roman at least had a chance of survival, however slim. If they didn't...well Virgil didn't see a scenario where Roman got out alive.

"Damn it." Virgil cursed, begrudgingly taking the smallest square of ambrosia he could find. He held it up to Roman's lips who obligingly ate it, understanding he needed to conserve as much energy as possible.

They waited a few seconds for it to kick in. Roman schooled his face into one of determination and began to run through songs in his head.

"Go for finding Logan and Patton. I don't think I can carry back to camp," Virgil suggested and sat against the tree next to Roman, their shoulders pressed together. He was exhausted but he still wanted to be close enough in case something happened.

He winced at the movement, his hand coming up to his ribs as he hissed in pain. Roman looked at him questioningly but Virgil rolled his hand to get him going.

"Don't make fun of me for the song alright? It's the only thing I can think of."

"No promises."

"And I'll probably pass out after this so-"

"Just get on with it Sir Sing-A-Lot."

Roman took a breath and began to sing. Virgil had no clue what he was expecting, but he was pretty sure it wasn't Gotta Find You from fucking Camp Rock.

"I need to try to get to where you are," Roman sang. "Could it be you're not that far. You're the voice I hear inside my head, the reason that I'm singing. I need to find you, I gotta find you. You're the missing piece I need, the song inside of me. I need to find you, I gotta find you."

His voice got weaker and weaker as he sang, to the point where by the end even Virgil could barely hear it.

Then Roman slumped over and Virgil caught him, propping him against the tree as best he could, but Roman still ended up leaning on him.

Virgil looked around and began to panic, as it seemed like nothing has happened.

He blinked and there it was, a ball of light almost like fire just floating there.

And then it zipped off through the woods, leaving a trail of light behind it.

A few seconds later:

Logan and Patton had found the other two serkets and had managed to dispatch them.

They weren't unscathed, but since they had managed to take the serkets by surprise instead of the other way around, they were much better off than Roman and Virgil.

Both were shocked when suddenly a ball of what looked like fire burst out of the trees and stopped in front of Patton then just…hovered there.

The two shared a curious look, having a conversation without words. Eventually Logan nodded and Drew his daggers as Patton turned to the ball.

Slowly he reached his hand out toward it, closing his eyes just before he made contact with it, preparing to be burned or worse. Instead he heard some sort of shimmer and opened his eyes just in time to see the ball explode into an image of Virgil and Roman leaning against a tree.

Roman had bandages wrapped around his torso that we're already covered in blood and was pale as snow, Virgil was covered in scratches and bruises and seemed to be gingerly cradling his ribs.

Patton gasped audibly at the image, his hand flying up to his mouth while Logan cursed under his breath.

"Patton, look," Logan said, pulling Patton's gaze from the image in front of him and to the glittery trail leading into the woods that the ball had left behind.

The two looked at each other again.

"You don't think…?" Patton trailed off.

"One of Roman's spells," Logan agreed with a firm nod. "He's leading us to them."

"We have to hurry!"

"Agreed."

The two sprinted into the woods.

#logan #logicality #patton #prinxiety #roman #sanders sides #sanders sides au #sanders sides demigod au #sanders sides patton #sanders sides roman #sanders sides virgil #thomas sanders #virgil #demigod au #logicality au #prinxiety au #sanders sides logan #the forest incident

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iminmypants · 4 years

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Just been really feeling these verses today. My friend asked me recently, why would I continue to support her and put myself through that again for her...why is she worth it.

I found it really hard to explain to her because although I can list the reasons why she is worth it, all her amazing qualities and the joy she brings to my life...that’s not why I’m doing it. I mean it is but it isn’t. I’m doing it because I love her, and because I firmly believe she deserves better than what she’s currently experiencing.

But it is hard to do, it has at times triggered me and made me worried and anxious, and at first I didn’t know if I was strong enough to carry on. My gut reaction is to just push through on my own, tell myself I have to cope entirely alone with it because then I am good enough. This time though I knew that I wasn’t alone, and that she had other support, but also that if I did do that I wouldn’t be able to help her at all. So I actually turned to God, and to other Christians, for guidance, support, and prayers.

I prayed more for my friend in the last few weeks than I ever have done in my life before, and those prayers were answered. I know I don’t need to feel scared because God has this, and He has given her strength and also given strength to the people who are helping her. He is lifting us all up and we are growing stronger in our weakness, more perfect in our imperfections, and showing the love that only Jesus can bring.

I feel privileged that I have been trusted with this task, both by my friend and by God. It is not my task alone, but I am helping and my help is making a difference. I am praying that I get to keep being allowed to do that, and that she continues to experience the loving kindness of God through the human beings He has put in her life.

This is like SOOO totally not what I usually post on here, but it’s too personal for FB and Instagram formatting makes me want to eat broken glass...so here you are tumblr.

#am I gonna lose followers for this #lets see #personal #christian

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amwritingmeta · 5 years

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JiB10

So, last year, for various reasons, I didn’t actually put down my experience of JiB, but are y’all ready to hear all about this year’s experiences and adventures?

Well, in condensed form. I mean, what is this - LiveJournal? (okay yeah kinda is but no not going into excruciating detail here just the best bits) (the choice cuts, as it were) (watch me go full butcher) (it’ll be entertaining I swear) :P

So, firstly, I’m a panel rat. I fucking love those panels. All the panels. It’s mainly why I get the Angel Pass, because the seats are so good and I’m all about them good seats, yeah?

I have friends who spend a whole lot of time in line for ops or for autos and I just… can’t… do that. Not when there’s talking happening and answering of questions and just that room being MAGIC, because the entire con feels so inclusive and filled with open-minded like-minded human beings who share in our love of this glorious show.

I started a JiB Log, but figured I’d get too distracted to actually update it regularly, because that’s what last year was like. When you’re not in a panel you’re either walking to grab something quick to eat (have to commend the little smoothie place at the airport, because they did good sandwiches and really good coffee at a reasonable price) or you’re heading to the hotel bar to get absolutely plast-… No, actually didn’t do that this year, so correction: or you’re heading to the hotel bar to see who’s there and catch up with people who have been to their ops and are still shaking with excitement.

(you can also comment on the wonderful imagination of strangers in the ladies’ room when you see them shaking with excitement and are dressed up in bridal gowns) (okay there was one lovely dressed up as a bride so maybe plural is the wrong way to go but the sentiment holds true) (JiBers - you are so fucking awesome and I LOVE YOU ALL)

Okay, so wanna know the most basic things I’ve learned about how to JiB? I mean… if you don’t, then stop reading, I guess, because imma tell ya. #fairwarning

Bring Snacks (you won’t regret it)

Bring Alcohol (you won’t regret it)

Good Footwear (you won’t regret it)

Clothes For Every Occasion (you may regret it if you overpack) (don’t overpack) (Google “packing tutorial by Jensen Ackles”) (worth it)

Choose Wisely (just general solid advice) (I mean, get your priorities straight) (panel rat or up close and personal kitty cat) (or both) (sidenote: I take it choosing to be both is quite stressful) (make sure that your stress sensors are up and that you don’t overdo it) (switching between rat and cat is bound to be internally messy) (okay that actually came out as not haha solid but actual solid advice so yeah) (be prepared that doing both is difficult!) (and having lots of ops and wanting to do all autos means probably missing a whole lot of panels for standing in line and waiting) (even the solo panels with the main players or - and I will question your sanity - the joint panels that close the weekend) (well not the very final panel) (nobody missed the J2M panel because all ops and autos had closed by then) (but yes prioritise wisely)

Be Open (because, no matter what, you are bound to meet someone you click with at this event) (most people) (actually every stranger I gave a throwaway comment to) (were so chill and happy to have a brief chat or share a moment with me) (so even if you’re traveling by yourself you are bound to feel embraced) *jazz hands rome magic*

Pinches of Salt (take everything you see and hear with healthy pinches of salt) (I briefly forgot about this on Monday morning and oh boy I could’ve saved myself a world of stupidity if I’d only remembered it yeah?)

MNC (get your sweet ass to the Monday Night Concert because both my years of JiBing it has been mind-blowing) (this year was better than last year honestly) (which I did not think could happen) (they are the bee’s bees and the bear’s bear) *throws all the love at them*

When it comes to impressions and memories made this particular trip, I feel like the whole week has been one long run of blessings. Sincerely, it’s been - oh what’s the word again? --> MAGIC.

I’m not going to go through all the boring personal moments of Holy Fuck *jazz hands rome magic* but I will just say that I think I stepped out of passport control with the widest smile, and it barely left my face for the entire weekend. The panels were wonderful this year. I’m still on a high. No, seriously. It’s almost a week later and I haven’t been hit by the JiB blues yet, and perhaps I won’t this year.

*prays I land a pass for next year* *GAH* *the nail-biting begins*

Confession time? (…when in Rome)

Confession 1 — I have such a crush on Rob. I mean, I’ve had it for years, but time to make it official, I guess. He just seems like the sweetest, loveliest human being and watching him sing is like… watching the stars light in the sky. He is such an amazing singer and performer. He made me cry. He sang Fare Thee Well and he made me cry at the Monday Night Concert.

*no I was NOT drunk* *though damn that G&T was strong* *oh btw the drinks in Rome are amazing and worth the money because extra alcoholic* *like damnnnnn* *just as an aside* *but also bring your own bourboun* *winks at @waywardliliana* *sup gurl?* *winks again* *winks some more* *can’t stop now* *licks lips* *yeah I know* *uncomfortable?* *licks lipssss againnnnn* *okay stopping now* *….or am I…….?*

Confession 2 — The panel-watching truly is a huge amount of fun. This year there were a lot of things said that made me want to jump up and down in my seat, because it gives me a lot of hope for season fifteen and Jensen provided most of it on the Saturday, and then Jared was pretty much agreeing with Jensen’s assessments of how the brothers’ journeys should end on the Sunday, and I was like GAH! *happy* And then Misha throws in his belief that there needs to be a sacrifice and tragedy and we all went NO! Also his fear that this family of ours will disperse and we all went NOOO! :) Anyway, these are all stated observations, but the confession is this:

As much as I love spending time in a space that is occupied by some of my favourite human beings on this planet (oh but they are), what makes JiB so truly, deeply, personally special is meeting up with friends who otherwise live too far away to see on the regular. All of us convening in this one place to share in this one great love is like electricity through your veins. It’s like… well, it’s like going to a place of worship, and I think you know what I mean. When you’re in a room with a group of peope who’s energy jives with yours, then your energies align, and resonate, and then — MAGIC.

It’s magical. It’s fucking magical. *jazz hands*

Shoutout to everyone I managed to see this year who have not yet been lip-licked at in this post (or real life), whether it was much too brief (so many of you were much too brief) or whether we spent quality time, seeing you all really made the trip sparkle:

@captainhaterade - who made such a fantastic and impromptu seat mate - thank you, Emily, for having me next to you for most of the weekend! :D

@eriquin - Meghan, it was so lovely to meet you and I’m thrilled you and Emily both enjoyed your first con, very happy I got to be a part of it! :)

@trickster-angel - my dear Chiara, it took us a few tries, but we finally got to sit down in the Corner (if you get to go next year then I think this may be where we’re all just convene from now on) (*suggestion*) *nobody puts us in a corner except us!* :P So good to meet you!

@inacatastrophicmind - Mara! We met much, much too briefly, but I’m so, so glad we did! See you around tumblr, my friend, and hopefully at JiB11! :)

@misskittyspuffy - aw man, Aurelie, we kept missing each other and I really wanted to sit down and have a proper lunch or dinner, but at least you and--

@assbuttboyfriends - hey, Claire, my dear, at least you and Aurelie aren’t that far away, right? Come visit me in London, I tell ya! :D Otherwise, proper plan-making for next year. xx

@bold-sartorial-statement - a brief hello was still a good hello! Hope you enjoyed the con! xx

@jenmdixon - it was good to say hello to you, my dear, and really hope you enjoyed the con (and didn’t die under those lights because it got HOT) (no wonder the actors are fan-addicts) :) xx

@purgatory-jar - Elena, it was, as ever, fantastic to see you and I’m stoked I got to have a proper lunch with you this time around. You have always been and will always be one of my absolute favourite artists in this fandom and, by extension, anywhere. Already a star, girl!

Shoutout to @northern-sparrow - I was sorry that I missed you at the bar, but there’s always next year. Hope you enjoyed the con and thanks for asking The Perfect Question. :D xx

Finally, @godshipsit -- Alessia, my friend, you are this calm, welcoming, very dear part of Rome and JiB for me (last year you supported me so much just by being there) and you are simply brilliant! *all the prettiest flowers at your door*

And to my two felines who are tumblring, but not very often: Laura and Steph, you wonderfuls! Thanks for all the laughs!!

*I now proceed to throw love at you all*

Confession 3 — I have a Favourite Moose. Nope, it’s not who you think it is. (girl, I almost put the hashtag on here but in the current climate) (I think I’d just better not) (especially since I wanna tag you) (hey, Moose!) (hey @natmoose!) (yes you!) (Nat-Blue!) :) #theconversationalists

Now, the highlights from this years con are too numerous for me to write them all down, really, but here’s a taster:

Ricky Whittle (the man is a genius comedian)

Rob talking about how his fandom experience has changed since he, for the first time, is seeing comments like “I hate your face” (the way he says “I hate your face”) (*giggle*) (also it’s such a question of tone because most of those “I hate your face”s are probably said with loads of love) (because Chuck going ultimate big bad toxic masculinity representative is fucking BRILLIANT) *love to hate his face*

Matt telling the airplane story

Alex reenacting different parts of the airplane story

Alex choosing Jasmine from Aladdin to put a spin on and making the twist that he’ll rob the wishes from Aladdin like -->

Alex: *sings* I can show you the world *interrupts* I’m just like yo, just give me these wishes. Don’t mess with me. How about this? I’ll show myself the world, okay?

I really, really very much like Alexander Calvert, okay?

Briana being distracted by herself on the stage monitor (she’s gorgeous and she knows it and is also open about how it costs her a lot of money and time and effort and how that’s not for everyone and real beauty runs so much deeper) (which is why she is the most gorgeous woman)

Jared telling us all to shut up during his Sunday morning solo panel (and basically all of his time on stage, but especially this half an hour of stage time, because my GOD he was in such a good mood)

Misha

Jensen going off on a minor rant about Game of Thrones S08E05 because yesssss

Jared doing that jump-and-a-skip at his panel with Misha

Jared’s panel with Misha

Jensen telling Misha he loves him and them hugging, only for Jensen to turn it into a joke and pretty effectively demonstrating how this is how they interact and they don’t mean anything by taking the piss out of each other because yesssss

sincerely, all the solo panels (especially Jensen’s, because he’s so sincere and open and honest about how seriously he takes his work and it’s gorgeous and inspiring and always has been and always will be and)

I mean, Jensen lying flat on his back on that stage and Misha saying You Sexy Bitch is very, very, very… overt. I side-eye. But with a whole lot of appreciation for the balls on those two. I’d venture that they know exactly what they’re doing, and I’ll forever wonder what the percentage is between performative and spur-of-the-moment. Sometimes I think you can tell, but… oh, they know what we like. Usually. :)

Jared bringing the dirty. I just love his filthy mind.

All of their filthy minds tbh.

Singing Carry On My Wayward Son in the hallway after the final panel is just… one of the best parts, and this year they all came out and high fived and gave hugs and… it was special

The Monday Night Concert surpassed last year’s and went on for nearly two hours and was deeply moving for many reasons and I wish to the good Heavens (…okay you know what I mean) that Jensen and Briana will record Shallow because I think their version beat the original (damn Briana’s voice is just… damn!) (and I can’t talk about Jensen singing please don’t make me talk about it) (…) (thank you)

Also Richard Speight Jr because Richard Speight Jr!!

Also just Jason Manns because Jason Manns!!

And The Four Cheese!!

See, there’s just tOO MuCH STuFF

And now it’s over and I’m still hopped up on the adrenaline and the happiness and Jensen talking about spreading happiness (I believe it was either during the opening panel with he and Jared on the Saturday or his solo panel later that afternoon) made me feel light as a feather, because he’s right. A healthy dose of real happiness builds you up from the inside out and makes you believe you’re worth it. All of it, yeah? And that, whatever comes your way, you can handle it. Oh, it can be a struggle, but if you only dare to be open, then good things, my peeps.

Good things do happen.

I hope to see you next year!!

#JiB10 #my stuff #jensen ackles #jared padalecki #misha collins #alexander calvert #briana buckmaster #rob benedict #richard speight jr #jason manns #ricky whittle #jibcon #rome magic #<3

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gotgifsandmusings · 5 years

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A Wedding in Sunspear: Dany IV gifcap

Tumblr filters think they can censor this work of art?! Welllll it’s back, along with my original intro from 2018, starting below!

Before I attempt to gifcap the latest beautiful, heart-stopping, breathtaking, life-changing chapter of A Wedding in Sunspear, Julia’s thematically deep and dramatically satisfying pre-canon canon-compliant ASOIAF fic Austen meets Martin in Dorne and has a culture clash baby... I need to Martell shame myself. She posted it at the end of May, and it’s a goddamn Dany Gargalen chapter! What the hell, me?? A job and adjustment in a new city is no excuse!!

However, she celebrated a birthday the other day, so between that and a very Canadian harvest celebration that occurred today, I can post this gifcap without it feeling too arbitrary! Hopefully you find it entertaining, though please be sure to read the darn thing first!

Where we last left Dany...

Yup, she and Maron in their half-fucking state were discovered by Loree, setting off a chain if events wherein Olenna ate pie, the groom threw a shit fit over not marrying a virgin, Loree had to pull rank on her husband-to-be which includes but is not limited to an order not to give him any more alcohol across all of Dorne, Maron fucked a sex worker because he was so upset about his commitment to Dany not being taken seriously, and Ormond got pocket-vetoed by his friend with benefits.

That takes us to the night before the wedding, where Dany is crammed into a bed with with six other ladies.

Shockingly, she wakes up a bit before morning. Even more shockingly, Loree is already up and staring out the window.

It’s the FREAKING TITULAR WEDDING, GUYS!

Dany wants to go talk to Loree, but freezes for a second. You see, she had spent a whole day mad at her cousin, and in 15-year-old language, that’s basically a decade.

However, cooler heads have prevailed. You know, heads belonging to Joleta and Maron of all people. And they both think as long as Dany holds her ground, Loree will give in.

So Dany decides to confront Loree, where she’ll be ~firm~ and not emotional. Loree will clearly give in.

She subtly lets Loree know she’s there

Loree tells her she should still be asleep, which is pretty rich considering she’s all:

Apparently it was quality time for herself. Dany realizes it’s a hint for her to leave, but she’s just so thrilled to have caught her alone that she’s sure this is a good time to press the Maron issue.

She tells Loree she gets why she said what she did, and Loree is pretty impressed.

Dany’s a bit miffed by that reaction, but tells her cousin eventually she’ll see how serious she and Maron are about each other, and that this wasn’t just a young flight of fancy.

But Loree’s all

Dany takes this with much aplomb.

She insists that they’re in love and she wants his babies. Loree tells her that’s not how this goes.

So Dany’s like

And Loree’s basically, “yeah. We’re in the same boat.”

Dany really has no come back to this, so she points out how shitty Eliott’s been, and how Loree shouldn’t be fine marrying this dude.

But Loree won’t raise her hand, because duty. Instead she’s points out he has some positives...somewhere...

Dany’s like, “you’re just not into him because of HENRICK.”

Also that she was happy. Loree isn’t sold.

She calls it a mistake, and when Dany presses the matter more, Loree says that indulging her feelings was the mistake, since she knew it was a weakness from the start.

Dany tells her it would have been brave to stay with Henrick, just like Prince Duncan was.

Sadly, there’s a great counter example in the shape of Prince Daeron that’s been hanging around this whole time.

Dany maintains that they will sing songs about Jenny for years, but Loree’s just like, “yeah those aren’t the songs I want sung about me, and I hope you feel the same.” Dany’s brain is just kinda

But there’s no real comeback. So she just says Loree hates herself and is trying to bully Dany into agreeing to feel better. Which mildly breaks her cousin.

Trystana fortunately comes bursting into the room, yelling about how they didn’t sleep, and there’s tons to do, and they both need to get ready.

Dany is pushed into the fastest bath ever along with the other ladies, and barely dressed before it’s time for breakfast.

Of course Loree’s already there with her hair perfectly done, since she gets a bit of priority.

But Dany’s just fuming because she can tell Loree is faking all her wedding-day happiness.

She tries to make best of this inane chatter, though Lysanne Manwoody talks about how excited she is to see the Reachmen react to Loree’s not 100% chaste dress. All the women then talk about how nice their packages look.

Trystana kind of fakes outrage at this, and points out that she “felt the solemnity” of her wedding.

Loree immediately stops smiling, while her mom is just like, “Yeah, that’s our gregarious Loree.”

However Dany sees this as a great opportunity to push her point more, and is like, “Yeah it’s so serious and holy and should be 100% what someone wants or else they’re lying to the GODS.”

Loree just responds with, “Oh I agree and I’ve never been more serious in my life.”

She goes off to get ready with that, as does everyone else.

And of course, Loree is totally understated when all is said and done.

Though she has a moment where it looks like she’s about to cry, so Lenelle orders everyone else out.

Joleta’s just like, “yeah obviously she’s panicking..” So everyone has to sit outside the door and pretend this isn’t a very transparent thing that’s happening.

However, finally Loree calls out that she’s ready.

Elda and Genna spread the train out, and all six women need to help lift the stupid thing, like they spent hours practicing.

Though somehow Trystana still feels the need to remind Dany not to let it touch the ground.

Of course stairs are the worst bit of it all

They all pause in front of the Tower of the Sun, because of course the stupid thing needs minute adjustments, but Loree puts a stop to it after a point.

So they head through for even more stairs leading to the courtyard, where a crazy amount of people are there to catch a glimpse.

It’s very quiet, which oddly reminds Dany of her Grandma Dany’s funeral. It’s almost like giant spectacles have similar levels of stress and no actual enjoyment for those involved...

The smallfolk are into it though, chucking flowers at Loree as they all make their way down the path towards Nymeria’s Sept.

When they get there, there was so much incense that Dany can barely make out the altars.

Other great ladies are there to pray with Loree, including Olenna and Friend Besto

Eliott’s mom Serra is there, a reader favorite after her wonderful “how to make marital rape pleasant” speech!

She tells Loree she looks “As lovely as the Maid Herself.”

It’s time for everyone to pray, so Dany of course decides to pray for the most important thing she can think of:

And apparently they pray for like..an hour? Even Rhona seems restless, of all people.

After a certain point...maybe another hour...Loree even seems to be nodding off (or passing out from the overwhelming incense).

So Lenelle calls over a septon, who proclaims a blessing, mercifully putting a stop to it all. They all get up, with everyone’s legs having lost circulation.

What a romantic affair!

They head out of the sept to the courtyard again, though most smallfolk left to line the streets. However here comes the real hurtle: get Loree and her giant dress into the litter. So Elda and Genna just scrunch it up and throw it in.

Everyone else has to cram in as well.

Trystana tries to get Loree to eat, but she just gives it all to Dany.

Aaand they move, and are soon on the streets where, you guessed it: even more people are waiting to call Loree’s name and greet her. So she pulls back the curtain so everyone can see how happy she is.

NOW IT’S OVER!

#awis #fic #gifcap #kylie gifcaps fanfic #a wedding in sunspear #no clue how this was possible flagged

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ship-to-hell · 5 years

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Being A Collection Of Letters Across The Sea

Have an emmhono epistolary fic, written uh...several months ago on AO3 and somehow neglected in the drafts of this tumblr since then. I offer no excuses, I’m just bad. have a future!fic with FEELINGS.

AO3

This letter has been written on the back of a colorful postcard proclaiming “Greetings From Kugane.” The penmanship is elegant, but a little scratchy on the rough paper. It’s also notably more cramped near the bottom where the author starts running out of space.

My lord,

I pray this letter finds you well. I have arrived in Kugane after a very uneventful journey; the only event of any import was the sighting of a great whale, which ignored our ship completely. The Bokairo Inn has opened its doors to me upon the Warrior of Light’s recommendation, and their hot springs are very relaxing. I wish Were you here, you would no doubt enjoy them; after spending three bells traversing Kugane’s winding streets with my bags, I’m not sure whether to credit my good opinion of them to the waters themselves or the sheer relief of reaching them. The cuisine here is unlike anything I am used to, but it is very good if you like fish, rice, and combinations thereof. You would not like wasabi paste; it is v. spicy. You would however like horses – like unicorns without the horns, and most of them are very friendly and not at all inclined to bite your fingers off. Please take copy of attached notes for safekeeping.

Wish you were here,

Sincerely,

Honoroit Banlardois

The attached notes stretch to several pages of dense handwritten vellum, and contain what seem to be a week’s worth of very keen observation of the city of Kugane. Amidst the footnotes referring to other works for background information, the author has noted major shops, cultural institutions, the correct method of donning a kimono, and how to perform a tea ceremony. There is a small, crooked sketch of a horse in one corner.

The handwriting on this fine parchment surmounted with the Fortemps seal bears a strong resemblance to Honoroit’s, but is looser and messier, suggesting the writer has much more practice with it. Blots of ink mark spots where the writer was distracted or searching for a word.

Honoroit,

Praise the Fury you arrived in one piece! The Warrior was very keen on telling me all about her first voyage to Kugane, including what she assures me was a thoroughly haunted ships’ graveyard. I, of course, knew you would encounter no such thing – and if you did, you would surely emerge unscathed. Kugane seems like quite the place; I wish I could see even half of the wonders you’ve described so well. Do they truly eat with sticks? However does that work? Speaking of food, I think you do me a disservice, my boy. This wasabi cannot possibly be stronger than good Coerthan horseradish. I demand a sample for comparison!

Kugane seems to love its tea nearly as much as you do. I’ve sent you a box of ours in case you miss it; it ought to arrive with this letter or I will be having words with the postmoogles. Pray write back soon; my days are very long and cold until I hear from you are missed dreadfully at Dragonhead. Corentiaux has been moping, and I have needed to reassure poor Medguistl a dozen times that you are not going to die eating foreign food. Please don’t die eating foreign food I pray this letter reaches you in good health.

All my love,

Emmanellain

P. S. - Unicorns are much better. They come with their own spears.

The heavy box of tea is stamped with the insignia of a shop in the Pillars known for its exorbitant prices and high quality. There is also a tea infuser shaped, for some reason, like a sleeping chocobo with its head tucked under a wing.

This letter has been written on smooth Doman paper. There is a slightly damp spot in one corner, probably tea, and the handwriting is less sure than it was.

My lord,

Thank you very much for the tea; I’m enjoying a cup as I write this, and the infuser is wonderfully charming. I had not realized how much I missed the tastes of home until you sent it to me. The tea in Kugane is very different; they seem to be very fond of a variety called matcha which is bright green and truly astonishingly bitter. I am assured that it is an acquired taste. Speaking of which, I must warn you again not to risk the wasabi! Though if you have the chance to try fresh sushi – I understand a fine Hingan restaurant has recently opened in Mor Dhona? – I think you would enjoy it. Yes, they do eat with sticks; I have provided a diagram, though I am no great artist.

Do tell the troops there is no need to fret over me; I remain quite well, and Kugane agrees with me. I would have preferred to explore more of Hingashi, but you know how they feel about foreigners. ‘Tis much like Ishgard before the opening of our gates. Likely by the time you get this letter, I will have left for Doma by way of the Ruby Sea. That country is far more welcoming; I understand their Enclave owes much to adventurers. Pray do not fret if my next letter takes overlong to reach you, but know that I lo you are in my thoughts. Please take the attached notes for my records, and do not mix them in with your own reports.

The tea makes me think of you.

Sincerely,

Honoroit

The abovementioned notes are, if possible, even denser than the previous ones, and seem to contain nearly everything the author thought noteworthy about Kugane. He seems to be especially keen to educate his audience on local folklore and cuisine, including several clumsy but charming sketches of various shrines and festivals. There is indeed a diagram showing how to eat with chopsticks.

The parchment is crumpled, as though it has been hastily shoved into a mail bag. One corner is ripped.

Dear Honoroit,

How dare you, old boy! You must know it’s been simply ages since I’ve mixed up anything with my own paperwork, never mind anything as important as your next manuscript outline! I keep your notes in a locked chest especially so that they come to no harm; I should die if anything happened to something you’ve worked so hard on. Regarding which, incidentally, I have enclosed your month’s profits for The White Yonder, and your publisher demands wishes to know when you will write another. I have told him quite firmly that he will get your next book when it is ready and not a moment before.

I have reassured the men that you are well, but you know how they will worry. I don’t suppose a daguerreotype is a possibility? I We should like to see for ourselves that you are doing well on your travels. Is it yet warm in Doma? The weather here continues freezing, and I pray that you at least are comfortable. I will send you more tea, and do please let me know if there is anything else. or if you want to come home

I have also tried wasabi thanks to the Warrior. I must admit, once again, that you are far wiser than me. On the upside, it does wonders for head colds, have you noticed? I will take your recommendations of Mor Dhona under advisement; I would far rather have my culinary adventures by your side. (And it shall give me more time to practice with the chopsticks.) Would that I could join you on your travels! Alas, were both of us to go on vacation, the garrison would surely collapse. I believe I owe my very life to Yaelle, though she can never compare to you.

I miss you so--

Praying for a swift reply,

Emmanellain

This letter has been written on a torn-off piece of notepaper, so rushed as to be nearly illegible.

My lord,

Your letter arrived barely a bell before my ship is due; I am glad to hear that all is well at home and v v thankful for the gil you sent; passage across the Ruby Sea is v expensive. It is warm here. When I return, we will go to Mor Dhona together & I insist it is my treat.

The daguerreotype is for you.

Yrs,

Honoroit

In addition to the by-now-expected notes on Kugane, there is a daguerreotype in a cheap frame. It’s smudgy and not very clear, but it shows the author—freckled, lean, with slightly shaggy hair pulled back off his face and just showing the very edge of a scar on his temple —smiling for the camera in front of a massive building. The reverse is etched Shiokaze Hostelry, 5 7AE.

Dear

Honoroit,

Thank you for the picture; it rests on my desk, where I may be reminded of your face. Not that I am likely to forget, you understand – I could never do that – but you have been gone simply ages and I own that travel always changes a man. You look so handso very well in Kugane; longer hair suits you. It makes you look like quite the adventurer! Speaking of, you have not been neglecting your archery I hope? I have heard that Doma is home to monsters. And we will have no talk of this paying for meals – you must know I would simply die of shame. You who do so much for me deserve to be taken care of! Which does remind me: while I was perusing the fashion plates I saw a doublet I think would suit you very well for a dinner Artoirel is holding for the Feast of St. Valerinne, by which time you must be home. I’ve attached the plate in question; do let me know what you think regarding materials?

Ah – has the news reached you yet? I know the Warrior writes you, but in case she didn’t mention – I am an uncle again! Tristechambard de Fortemps weighs just a hair over ten ponzes and is simply the most adorable infant. (Do refrain from telling Linie and Charlemend I said that; I think they’re jealous that their new brother is getting so much attention.) Artoirel says I shall be a bad influence, but I think the little ones only need the sobering influence of their Uncle Honoroit to come out as perfect little ladies and gentlemen – and the Lady Rivienne agrees with me, so hah! You’ve only two more months of travel before you may prove me right, I think?

Please know that you are in my thoughts, and write back swiftly. And tell me everything about Doma, so I can see it through your eyes.

Yours,

Emmanellain

The attached fashion plate is a remarkably well-done engraving showing a generic young Ishgardian gentleman in the very latest sable-trimmed velvet coat, with a doublet of blue silk damask edged in gold to match the buttons on the coat. It is very fashionable and very, very expensive.

This scrap of paper is crumpled so badly that it’s difficult to unfold without tearing, and damp spots blur the ink.

Honoroit it’s been a month since your last letter where are you? Did something happen? Did you decide to stay in Doma you should, if you knew No, I know you wouldn’t want to stay, only to visit, but you’ve been gone so long and I miss you, I miss you

I love you please come home

The handwriting here is legible, but just barely. Seawater has dried on the torn page, leaving white streaks behind.

Emmanellain

If you get this letter, please know that

(a slash of ink)

--the captain of the Hideyori is a grasping skinflint who refused to pay the Tithe until we passengers mutinied & I don’t know if they will accept it

(An ink splot leaks onto the edges of the words, but they are still clear) --you hold my whole heart

This letter is written on cheap paper in a slightly trembling hand.

My lord,

Kindly disregard the previous missive; I was overwrought and have since landed safely in the village of Isari. The Ruby Tide Confederacy is really quite reasonable if paid properly, and our new captain is a very intelligent young woman. The village is small and close-knit; their local wares are mainly fish-based, but I have enclosed a scarf I think you might like. I have not been neglecting my archery at all; already it has come in quite useful, for the wilds of Doma have no shortage of beasts and Isari is willing to pay for their removal. I am afraid I had to spend most of my proceeds from the book on the Tithe. Never fear, however; I have quite enough funds to see me safely to the village of Namai, and from there the road to the Enclave is well-maintained.

I was overjoyed to hear of your new nephew; I hope he continues in good health. I look forward to meeting him, but you must cease calling me his Uncle Honoroit; though I would of course be proud to hold such an honor, people will talk. As regards the fashion plate, I shall reserve judgement until I am in the tailor’s shop myself; I do not think such bold embroidery quite suits.

Sincerely,

Honoroit

Attached to the envelope is a burlap-wrapped package; opening it reveals a finely-woven wool scarf in a deep brick red. It’s quite plain, but very warm.

At several points in this letter, the quill has torn small holes in the parchment. The handwriting shakes.

Honoroit Banlardois,

I shall not be disregarding any letters you send me. Did you think I would dismiss you? That it would be possible to know you, to live beside you, and not love you in return? I have been near to dying with thoughts of you. I have been dreaming of nothing but your smile; I haven’t been able to look at anyone else Fury knows I tried, and yet I could barely look at you – you are so beautiful and clever and wise and wonderful, I felt so sure you would hate me, that if you knew what was in my heart you’d just stay in Doma and count yourself well rid of me--

Forgive me. I have far too much to say to you to ever put my thoughts to a proper letter. By the time you get this, I will be well on my way to the Doman Enclave, where I intend to kiss you breathless until you are quite, quite sure that I love you beyond my own life.

With all my heart,

Emmanellain

P. S. - And if you call me my lord after that, I shall be quite put out.

This letter is dated several months after the preceding ones, and is written on very fine paper indeed.

My lord brother,

Must I apologize again for my sudden trip to Doma? Well, you’ll be happy to know that Honoroit and I are on our way home, and you may expect us for Valerinne’s Day. This letter ought to arrive before we do; you know how taxing aetherytes can be. I am glad that all remains well at home; Corentiaux assures me that, contrary to what you may believe, Dragonhead has not collapsed, burnt down, or otherwise been destroyed since my departure. Give my love to the children, and let them know that their favorite uncles are coming with as many toys as they can carry. Honoroit is telling me that I shall spoil them; I think you’ll agree that they deserve the best we can give them. As for the adults, I am sending you several bottles of the finest Doman rice wine – well, they call it wine, but really ‘tis more like beer with how it’s brewed – and enough silk for a gown for Rivienne and a doublet for you. I think they will meet with your approval, especially the wine.

Yours in the Fury

Emmanellain de Fortemps

P. S. - Honoroit’s manuscript is nearing completion. You and Father will, of course, be entrusted with the advance copies.

These notes have been written on high-quality paper, but appear to have been torn from a larger sheet. The edge of the Fortemps sigil is just visible in one corner.

I never thought this day would come, but you were right. Gil enclosed.

I told you so. To think it only took five years of the most awful pining I have ever seen. If he stops treating you right, I know where he sleeps and which laundry bags are his.

Your concern is touching but unnecessary. He is wonderful.

This particular note has been ripped into pieces and reconstituted from the scraps.

So, a spring wedding?

#emmanellain #honoroit #saulette #emmanellain fortemps #emmhono #honoroit banlardois

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6-paris-6 · 5 years

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HELP ME FIND THE SECOND PART TO THIS AMAZING FICLET/FANFICTION

OKAY! So I copy stories from Tumblr onto my notes and this one has a part two that I didn’t get and I CAN’T find it for the LIFE OF ME! So, I’m going to post the copied part of the first chapter and pray someone can find it, or the people tagged in the original post can help me the original one so I can get the second part!! DISCLAIMER!!!! THE FOLLOWING STORY IS NOT MINE AND I AM NOT CLAIMING RIGHTS TO IT OR REPOSTING THIS AS MY OWN! I JUST WANT TO FIND THE ORIGINAL POST AND I WILL REMOVE THIS POST!! Fanfic I need to find: ♡ You are my hero ♡ (Part 1) A/N, this will probably be a two part story because A: I’m tired, and B: I’m a sucker for Drama. (For those who wished to be tagged: @emo-space-trash @fandomsandanythingelse @suchtrashwow and @sunshinelollip0ps ) The first time Patton saw him, no, not when Logan popped into existence, with angled eyes and a sort of… little brother way about him, but actually saw him as more than that… Logan had been young, trying to get Thomas to study harder for an eminent test. In that moment, he had been but a pair of peeking, chocolate eyes, watchful over the giant stack of paperbacks he carried. Patton remembered the last moment he’d ever think of Logan in a platonic way, how the other paused in their communal lounge, re-gripping the bottom of the stack. Patton could almost see the moment in his mind, hear his own voice offer to take a few, ‘lighten the load’, so to speak. But with bare movement, Logan shook his head. “Thank you for the offer, Patton, but I am quite capable of handling myself,” and with an affirmative nod, he departed. Patton never quite understood, why at that moment, his heart beat against his ribcage as if it wished to escape, how the scent of old books and ink and detergent did not swamp his mind with ‘boredom’ any-longer, but with a fluttering feeling that made him lightheaded. Now, Patton knew he wasn’t exactly the smartest of the sides. But he knew emotions. He knew what this meant. Patton knew that he was, with no other words for it, fucked. It was no coincidence, that after that time, he began acting a little more bubbly, often border-lining on air headed around the more logical side. He hoped it served good contrast between the other’s fairly boring day-to-day being. He hoped it didn’t annoy Logan too much. Because, if he were completely honest… Patton had no idea how to feel anything other than the bursting bubbles of joy around Logan. And, somehow… he didn’t really want to. So, for the longest time… Nothing changed. Until… The voice came from behind him, just as he’d set a pan of fresh muffins on the counter, and more importantly, right after Logan had left the room. “You’re in love with him, aren’t you?” Patton whirled around at hurricane speeds, making himself slightly dizzy and nearly burning himself by accident. “W-W-Wh-What??? No, of course I’m not!” Patton exclaimed, cheek twitching as he mentally reprimanded himself for lying. Patton plucked off the pink oven mitts, if only as something to do with his hands. “Really?” Anxiety, or as he would be called in a years time, ‘Virgil’, asked. The raise of his eyebrow fluid, yet testing. “O-Of course I’m not in l-l-l-love with L-L-Logan, that would be, I- I don’t even, why, I would, I can’t even imagine-” the sweet baked smell of muffins did not provide any kind of comfort, in fact, somehow, the scent felt strangling. And the normally hug-like warmth, spilling fourth from the oven, felt overwhelming to his fraying nerves. “M’kay,” Anxiety gave a shrug, knowing when to back down, but also, when not to. “‘Cause, hypothetically, if you were, you’d be in big trouble,” he moved to the counter where the muffins were set, taking out a paper plate and a pair of metal tongs. “I-I mean we’re so different anyways so-… wait, what?” Patton turned. “Why would that be bad?” Patton asked, to distracted to even warn Anxiety against eating the still-far-to-hot muffins. Anxiety turned his head to watch the other, a calculating expression on his porcelain mask. “Hypothetically of course,” Patton was quick to amend. Anxiety nodded. “Well, hypothetically,” Anxiety obliged, “if anyone were in love with Logan, it would be bad news.” Patton was about to ask ‘why’, again, but Anxiety only raised a hand. Patton’s words died in his throat. “Because,” Anxiety clicked, “He’s logic.” At a raised eyebrow, Anxiety continued. “He doesn’t do, emotions, or love, or any of that. ‘Thinks it’s all stupid and illogical.” Anxiety waved his hands in the air as he tried to explain, but eventually, the silent conduction of his thoughts flowed to a halt, and his hands dropped to his sides. “So, whoever that imagined person is? They’d just get hurt, and Logic would get confused, and it would be awkward.” Anxiety turned back to the muffins, using a pair of tongs to lift two of the still steaming muffins onto his plate. Behind him, Patton’s figure was hunched, a shadow of his usually beaming self. Anxiety turned and cursed his empathy, before placing an uncertain, unsteady hand on the other’s shoulder. Patton looked up at the contact, earthy brown eyes watery and shifting with emotion. “Look, I’m not saying feelings are bad, it’s just…” Anxiety sighed, “I… I don’t want you to get hurt.” Patton nodded, thanking the darker side for his advice and retreating into his room to curl into his covers. Patton cried that night, not because the words particularly hurt in any way, but because the reasoning was sound, and it all seemed far too… true. And that stung more than any name they could call him. So, Patton didn’t get up again until the next morning, didn’t eat any of the muffins he’d baked that night. So, taking Anxiety’s words with a grain of salt, Patton continued to smile and laugh around the logical trait. Making jokes, asking him what he was reading… mostly just engaging him in conversations, if only to hear the calming drone of his voice. And, after a month of sideways looks from Anxiety, and the occasional raised brow from Prince, it seemed he was due another time for another, uncomfortable conversation about his life choices. Wonder-bar… “So… you and Logan… huh?” For the embodiment of Thomas’s romantic and dramatic emotions, he sure did have an interesting way of broaching such a subject. Nonetheless, Patton went rigid and faltered, then stuttered out a violently stupid response. “I-I, uh, don’t know what you’re talking about! W-What about me and L-L-Logan?” His voice was unsteady, eyes franticly searching for a way out. Roman was pretty sure, with all the stress the fatherly trait was putting on his pencil, it would snap. “Oh come now, it’s pretty obvious you’ve got the hots for Mr. Cool, hm?” Roman laughed with a full bodied, head-thrown-back laughter that somehow made the awkwardness seep away. But, Roman did not admit that it had taken him seeing Patton, with his own two eyes, doodling love-hearts around him and Logan’s name just a moment ago, to truly connect all the dots. “So… when are you gonna become Mr. And Mr. Nerd? You know, pop the question?” Roman nudged him, not terribly gently, with his elbow. Patton, giving a well meaning titter, ran a hand through his hair. “Honestly? I don’t think I should, I mean…” Patton sighed, “I have no idea if he even likes me that way, or if he even feels romantic feelings at all… Really, I just don’t want to make him uncomfortable, o-or-” “Wait wait wait wait wait…” Roman interrupted, hands shaping an invisible snowman in the air. “You two love-doves aren’t even dating?” Roman asked, head cocked dramatically to the side. “U-U-Ummm, no?” Patton’s eyes darted left, shrinking away from the dramatic trait. Roman grabbed the other by his shoulders, staring deep into slightly frightened cinnamon eyes. “Alright, listen close doll, ’cause we’re about to get you a man.” (Sorry about bad quality, I’m tired AF)

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darkly-dreaming-imagines · 6 years

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The Forgotten Wife - Part 6

The Forgotten Wife Master List

A/N: Okay, I know… it’s been 87 years and I am sorry. For those who may not know I have been having some rather serious health issues since May, I have had 2 rather serious surgeries among other things. I am doing much better now and I am writing again. Yes I have written other things between my last update and now but this story takes a certain headspace that I have to be in to write it. To be quite honest I haven’t been able to get myself in that frame of mind to write this… but I am gonna give it a whirl. I apologize if this chapter is shorter or not of the same quality as previous ones but I hope that will change as I push forward on this story because I love this story very much and I appreciate all the lovely comments and each and every kudos on AO3 and like on Tumblr. I can’t express how much the comments and such really helped get me back motivated to work on this, so please if you enjoy this story and are inclined leave me a comment. I do my best to get back to each one, even if it’s just a thank you <3

Part 6 on AO3

Tag list: @ask-kakashihatake , @aubageddon91 , @ collette04 , @toxic-ink , @alyisdead , @neganismyobsession , @haleyea , @mytreasures4eternity47 , @rasax45 , @make-things-beautiful2 , @magnoliagordo815 , @lilymdonaldson

When Simon had parted ways with you and Sherry she wasted little time getting into the thick of things. Her hand gripped your arm tightly, almost to the point that it hurt, as she pulled you away from the direction that you had honestly expected her to want to move towards. Deacon was already racing off, on a euphoric high thanks to the ice cream he was trying to eat like a savage little monster. His face coated in pale pink from the strawberries . You wanted to call after him but Sherry started rambling. “Things are starting to get really fucking complicated with the wives.” Her voice had this air of frantic fear as she spoke, her hand still gripping your arm tightly.

As you tried not to think too long or too hard on what that meant you glanced over your shoulder and watched nervously as Dwight and Simon started to have their weighted conversation. “Things are always fucking complicated with the wives Sherry… that’s what happens when you blackmail women into marrying you.” You snap as you manage to pray Sherry’s tight grip from your arm as your eyes search the area for Deacon. He is getting too close to fence. Your heart raced for a moment. “Deacon! Get away from that fence right now… come over here…” You command as you point to the spot between where you and Sherry were standing.

As Sherry was about to answer, Deacon started to reluctantly waddle back towards you taking just a brief pause to look at the boys. As if he was contemplating where would truly be his better option to go towards at this point. “Deacon!” Sherry shouted in a very mother’s tone, “Move it young man! You best start listing to your mama!” She scolded sternly as she clapped her hands to get Deacon’s attention. The little boy scurried over to you and a frantic pace, he nearly lost the mound of ice cream that was quickly melting all over the cone held between his tiny hands. Sherry turned back to you once Deacon was safely between the two of you before she finally was able to continue. “Amber and Frankie have it in their heads that the only way things are going to change is if Negan dies…” Sherry said in a hushed tone as she reached down and covered Deacon’s ears so he wouldn’t fully comprehend what was being said.

Your face is painted in a look of disbelief as you push he hands away from your son’s head and you tut softly. “Amber has been saying that since I was married to him… she never does anything about it.” Deacon peers around you as you and Sherry continue, eyeing Simon and Dwight across the yard. “and if you think they are actually serious why are telling me? Wouldn’t you tell the fucking big bad bossman?” You raise a questioning eyebrow as you reach blindly to your side and gentle urge Deacon to bring his attention back towards you and Sherry. “Dekes… you gotta stay here bubs.” You say to your son as your tussle his hair. He let out a little groan before taking a few steps away from you and plopping down on the ground to continue eating his quickly melting sweet treat.

Sherry’s eyes darted over to where the men were standing, very deep in what looked like a rather serious conversation. A nervous sigh escaped her lips as her arm draped over your shoulder pulling you into a side hug, not because she wanted to be affectionate but because she needed no one else to hear what she had to say. “Maybe they are right (y/n),” She said softly and almost instantly you started shaking your head. “Don’t act like you haven’t thought about it?”

You let out a frustrated huff and shrug Sherry’s arm off your shoulder as you take a step towards where Deacon was sitting finishing his ice cream. “Yeah, so… I didn’t do anything about it. It’s one thing to have a fantasy, to say something out of frustration and anger but it is another thing to actually go about planning a man’s murder. Not to mention the one they want to kill is my son’s father, who happens to actually be in his life these days. Do you realize that if anything happened to Negan, Deacon would be devastated.” You said emphatically as you looked at your dearest friend with a great deal of suspicion as you stood before her arms crossed in front of your chest. Standing between her and Deacon.

Sherry scoffed and let out a dark, soft chuckle. “You would be the one to know all about plotting and planning a murder… wouldn’t you.” There was a defensive attitude that Sherry took with you and she said that made your stomach twist and you almost felt sick hearing her take such a tone with you. Though you had in fact gone about, very methodically, a plan to discover who was the trigger man on your brother’s murder and then kill them it never got beyond the planning stages. You had never gone through with your intentions, in part because Sherry convinced you not to.

Something in her was changing, breaking and you could see it. “I didn’t actually do anything Sherry…” Your voice shook a little as the well of shame and guilt for you actions started to bubble up again. You glanced over at Deacon who was noticing the tense tones and heated langue. He scooted away and looked longingly over at Simon and Dwight, his little hazel eyes trying to search for a reason to go against his mother’s wishes and get away from the argument that was taking place.

Sherry paced back and forth, only taking a few steps each time before she would spin around on her heel, eyes glancing over each time at Dwight as your stood in an uncomfortable silence. You knew that she would have never thought of discussing such a thing before all this. Sherry was the calm one, the wise one, the one who talked everyone down from their stupid ideas. After another tense few minutes Sherry stopped pacing and stood facing away from you looking over at Simon and Dwight who were too deep in their own conversation to see the growing tension between you and her.

“I just don’t want this anymore (y/n)” She said mournfully and you couldn’t help but get a pang of sympathy in her chest as she spoke. “He isn’t like physically cruel. He doesn’t hit us or hurt any of us… we know the deal so nothing is forced. But the mind fuckery…” Sherry’s voice cracked as she choked back tears. “It’s the head games. The holding our families over our head… our husbands… the people we actually love.” You took a few steps away from Deacon, taking your attention full away from him as you closed the gap between Sherry and wrapped your arms around her.

As you took a deep breath you reached up and brushed the tears away from her cheeks. “It sucks right?” you said in a very dead pan voice with a half hearted smirk. Sherry let out a slightly uncomfortable laugh of her own as she tossed her head back for a moment before nodded.

“So much!” She exclaimed and you both laughed in your shared misery. You never wanted Sherry to experience the side of Negan that most of the wives knew all too well. While your particular brand of head games ala Negan was not cruel in the same way that Sherry, Amber and on some level Frankie, were experiencing. It was uniquely soul destroying. You saw a rare side of Negan, an almost tender side when he would imagine that you were Lucille. He really loved that women you thought bitterly for a moment before turning your attention back to Sherry.

As your hands slipped away from her face you took a hold of her hands and gazed deeply into her eyes. “Listen, everything works out in the end. That’s what you told me for all those years.” Sherry scoffed softly and shook her head.

“It worked out so well for you.” Her voice was thick with your usual sarcasm. It was an odd feeling for you to be on the receiving end of the sarcastic comments for a change. You chuckle and shook your head. As you were doing so, you caught a glimpse of Deacon wondering off back towards the fence where the dead were chained.

You hardly brought him in the part of the compound because unlike many children, Deacon had no fear of the dead. He found them amusing and even comical. Your heart began to race as you watched him inch closer and closer to the fence with each step. Dropping Sherry’s hands as you spun around on your heal and raced after the toddler who was boldly walking right up to one of the walkers chained to the fence. “Deacon!” you bellow as you raced towards the fence.

Sherry let out a shrill shriek as she too noticed Deacon nearing the walkers. “Bubba!” She called trying to get his attention but Deacon was too enthralled with the snarls of the walker.

As you closed the gap between you and your son, your hand out stretched, reaching desperately towards Deacon. As your fingers wrapped his arm as you scooped him up and pressed him close to your chest. “What have I said? What have I said?” You repeat softly as you kiss the top of his head. Sherry raced up behind you and let out a long sigh of relief as she saw that Deacon was safe.

Having seen the commotion, Dwight and Simon came rushing over. “Is he okay?” managed to ask first even through Simon was about to ask the same thing. Sherry smiled softly nodding towards them as you were still checking over every inch of exposed skin to make sure he was unharmed.

“You are in big trouble Deacon..” You scold softly as you smooth down his dark locks. Deacon pouted, not fully understanding why he was in trouble or the depth of danger that the dead posed. “You are never to go near those things…”

“Grrrr” Deacon mimicked the sound of dead as he pointed towards them. “Funny mama…” He tried to explain. You took a long steady breath trying to calm the urge to yell at your son. He was little and you had kept him so sheltered it was no wonder he found the dead so entertaining.

Before you could even mange to gather your thoughts Simon walked over and leaned in to do his best to explain the situation. “No, buddy..” Simon started as he placed a hand on his little shoulder and pointed towards the fence. “They are bad, mean… they will hurt you and while I know you are a big, tough guy… you still have a lot of growing up to do before you can learn how to be able to be around those things and be safe.” Deacon’s dark eyes focused intently on Simon as he spoke. You were grateful for him stepping in. There was nothing that you could have come up with so quickly that would have gotten through to Deacon as much as what Simon has said.

Deacon lifted his chubby, little hand and pointed towards the fence trying to understand. “Bad?” he asked first looking to you, then over to Sherry who was standing just behind you. His eyes darted over to Dwight who nodded and finally he looked at Simon. “Grrr bad?” He asked again.

“Yes baby…” You answer quickly before the other began to echo the same thing. Deacon seemed to grasp the concept though you wondered how much he really understood. You glanced over your shoulder for a moment and caught a glimpse of a brief look between your old friends and there was a twinge of pain deep within your chest. Everything about this world is backwards and wrong. Your mind reminds you before you glance back over at Simon who was also eyeing Dwight and Sherry. “I should get him to Negan…” You mentioned softly to Simon as you shifted Deacon in your arms.

“I’ll come with.” Simon suggests but you shake your head quickly knowing all too well the otherwise uneventful exchange would only be made far tenser by Simon’s presence. The one thing you realized that as long as Negan didn’t have to see you with Simon, things between them were relatively calm and almost pleasant.

“You know it’s better if it’s just me, I won’t be long…” You attempt to reassure Simon as you lean in and give him a brief kiss and a soft smile before turn back to Sherry who was talking very softly with Dwight. You give them both a little wave and Sherry blows Deacon a kiss before promising to check on him and daddy a little later. It did make you feel far better about leaving Deacon overnight with Negan knowing that Sherry was likely going to be there for most of it. There is a small upside. You muse silently as you walk with Deacon in your arms back into the building.

Once you reached the all too familiar site of Negan’s door you set Deacon down before you reached out and gave a soft knock on the door. A few moments pass before the door creaks open and Negan greets Deacon with a warm smile. “There’s my guy..” He exclaimed as he leaned down and scooped Deacon up.

“Daddy…” Deacon chirped happily as he wrapped his arms around his father’s neck. “Daddy! Grrrr is bad… mama got mad.” The little boy tried explain to his father rather enthusiastically but Negan only gave you a very worried and confused looked.

“Mama, care to translate what our son is trying to say?” Negan asked as he raised a questioning eyebrow as he stepped aside and ushered you into his room.

Reluctantly you obliged him and let out a long, heavy sigh as you started to explain. “I had Deacon outside, he was playing after having a little treat… and he thought that the biters were funny…” You stepped inside, your eyes focused intently on Negan’s face as he looked down at your son with a stern, disapproving look.

“Is that so?” Negan asked the toddler and Deacon looked away from his father obviously pretending that he didn’t hear the question.

“Deacon, your daddy asked you a question.” You remind the young child gently before Deacon looked back at his father and nodded his head. Negan let out a long sigh as he shifted Deacon in his arms.

There was part of you that was very worried that he would take a stern route, or a scare tactic but when he spoke, he shocked you in the best possible way. “First things first young man, you always have to listen to your mama, I know she probably told you to stay close and you didn’t listen. You can’t just go wandering off, there are monsters and bad people out and you have a lot of people to keep them away but you have to stay with the grownups. Those biters are very dangerous, you can’t go anywhere near them… understand me.” Deacon nodded quickly. Negan looked over at you for a brief moment before he returned his focus back to Deacon. “Mama loves you, I love you… we don’t want anything to happen to you.” He gave Deacon a quick kiss on the cheek before setting him down and patting him on the bum. “Go play buddy.”

“Okay Daddy…” Deacon said with a quick nod as he tootled over to his toys letting you and Negan have brief moment.

Negan crossed his arms in front of his chest as he let out a long drawn out sigh. “So is that where Sherry went? With you…” You nod not really wanting to speak to him more than you had to and Negan chuckled softly as his hand reached up and pinched the bridge of his nose. “He so gets the ‘nod of I don’t want to speak to you’ from you.”

“Well, would you like me to list some of the lovely traits our son shares with you?” you retorted with a smirk playing on your lips. You were trying to get a little playful rise out of Negan and it worked like a charm.

He smirked and gestured towards his face. “He got my devilish good looks, my charismatic charm… I mean… all the best parts.” He was teasing you, playing into the opening you left him and you smiled softly trying to stifle a laugh. “What, (y/n), tell me I am wrong.”

With that statement you let out an audible chuckle as you tilted you head back. “Oh you are very wrong.” You laugh as you look back Negan as you smirk. “He has your temper, your flare for the dramatic… has your ability to drive me up a wall with worry…” With your last statement Negan’s expression shifted and softened. He was rather taken a back that you admitted that you worried about him.

His lips parted for a moment as he attempted to find words. “You.. worry… about me?” Negan asked in a low voice.

Your cheeks flush and you give him another little nod which coaxes a soft chuckle from Negan. “I always worried when you went out, even through everything I did care about you for some God forsaken reason.” You pause for a moment and shift your weight on your heals as you decide whether or not you wanted to continue with your confession. You took a long deep breath as you cast your eyes to the floor. “I still worry about you Negan. The more time Deacon spends with you, the bigger part of his life you become the more I worry what will happen to him if something happens to you.” You lifted your gaze just in time to see Negan’s face shift to a grim expression.

He glanced over at Deacon playing happily and let out a sigh before turning back to you with a forced, all be it charming, smile playing on his lips. “Nothing will happen to me darling.” You tried not to smile when he called you ‘darling’ but there was something about the way the word rolled off his lips that took you back to a time when he had a hold over you. “I waited a hell of long time. Go through the end of the fucking world to have that boy… I want to see him grow up.” His words were so sincere that it touched you in a way you didn’t think that Negan could touch you anymore. It stirred something long forgotten with in you.

“I want that too…” You mumble trying hard not to show the old feelings that were bubbling just below the surface, but Negan was nothing if not an observant man. Though he didn’t respond with words, a slightly victorious smirk played on his lips as he gazed at you. His gaze made your cheeks flush slightly, which made his smirk only grow more.

The flush of your cheeks finally pushed him to make note of it. “Ya know, if I didn’t know better I would almost think that you like me…” Negan teased and your cheeks only flushed more as you shook your head. He took a step forward, closing the gap between the two of you as he leaned in asked in a low voice. “Do you still like me?” He asked sheepishly.

You shook your head unable to utter the words because it would have been a lie. Swallowing hard as you look up at Negan and whisper, “I’m with Simon.” Which caused Negan to stifle a laugh.

“I have no fucking clue why.” Negan retorted quickly and sharply. “I am not saying you have to be with me, but you deserve someone far better than that ticking time bomb.” There was a tone of genuine concern in his voice as he spoke. Before there was always something vicious and inflammatory about how he would bring up Simon with you, but this time it was gentler.

You wanted to push back and defend Simon because he was so much more than Negan was giving him credit for but you didn’t want to have a fight when things were going so well. “I am well aware of his history, as I was of yours…” you finally decide to say knowing that it was good way to say your peace with out pushing any buttons.

Negan smirked as he loomed over you. “He is good to the squirt.” You nod and chuckles again. “I am just going to say… you are more than welcome to come back to Daddy,” Negan said with a devious smirk. ”when you get tired of him… because it’s only a matter of time before he fucks up and so help me if he gets our son or you caught up in his inevitable bull shit. I am gonna kill him.” You scoff slightly and roll your eyes as Negan’s hand reaches out and grips your hip pulling you closer to him. “Why are you with him? Honest answer, darling.”

It was more that you didn’t want to insight him that you actually answered truthfully when everything in you was telling you to lie through your teeth. “He only wants me… if you would have only wanted me… maybe I would have come back and given you a second chance for Deacon’s sake.” You had more honest conversations with Negan during these exchanges over the last week than you had in time you were one of his wives. Negan took a step back and crossed his arms in front of his chest as he processed what you had said. “I cared about you a lot once upon a time, Negan. But I don’t want to be one of many. I want to be someone’s one and only. I want to be cherished and Simon for all his faults ticks all those boxes… and he is good with Deacon.”

Negan let out a long sigh as he scratched the several days of scruff on his chin. “I am helping those women… I take care of them.”

“You fuck them and pay them with chocolate, booze, and some faint vail of safety. Not a one of them would have actually wanted to be with you if they weren’t desperate.” You snap quickly when he started trying to defend his stable of wives. “I was the closest thing to someone who wanted to be with you because they liked you…” With the old feelings you had for him bubbling to surface the reminders of how deeply he had wounded you stung deeper.

Negan reached out and touched your arm as he spoke. “(y/n), I wish I had gotten over my issues then… maybe I would have shown you what kind of husband I could have been.” You let out a long and heavy sigh as you pushed his hand off your arm.

“Just worry about being a good father.” You gesture towards the door and give a quick, awkward smile. “I should get going, I told Simon I wouldn’t be long…” Negan gave a short nod and you shook your head as you started to walk out of the room and head back out to track down Simon and Dwight.

Once you were out of the room Negan turn to Deacon and smiled at his son who was beaming up at him. “I think Daddy may have more of a foot in the door than we thought my boy… “ He mused victoriously as he flopped down on the couch next to Deacon as he played with his toys at his father’s feet. “We are going to be family, you… me and Mama… one way or another.”

#negan #twd negan #negan x reader #simon x reader #negan/reader #negan x you #simon/reader #simon/you #simon the savior #negan fanfiction #twd fanfic #twd fan fiction #negan fan fiction #negan/reader/simon

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theotherthoughtsofmdsmith-blog · 6 years

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Tumblr, Attempt #?

So, here I go again trying another tumblr account. I have had some in the past, but kinda just stop using it after a bit. So I’m trying again, this time just giving myself a place to write, and just write.

I may write some poetry from time to time, likely rant a lot. Sometimes just put my thoughts out there, because I’m a weird individual that just likes to publish his thoughts. I stopped doing it for a while because I was afraid of being judged and frankly, afraid of putting those I love in awkward situations.

While I still worry about that, I noticed that really, over the past few years, my mental health has deteriorated. Enough so, that while I’m seeking medical help, I also just need a safe place to put these thoughts.

So, lets start.

I’m 30, married and have a less than 1year old Son. While I’m married, I’m currently separated. We’re seeking help, but to be frank, the separation is my fault. I’ve had a large integrity...well honesty issue my entire life. And well, that issue reared its ugly head about 3-4 months ago, causing my life to be thrown into a blender.

The issue was this: I was feeling depressed and uh...dammit, what’s the word? Uh...passion-less, ahhh here’s the word. Purpose-less. I was feeling depressed and purposeless and at the time this started (about 6 months ago) I started kinda distancing myself from everyone, well distancing myself is a nice way to put it. I began lying to everyone, lying about how I was feeling including lying to my therapist. I was lying about going to work consistently, I was going to work maybe, MAYBE 50% of the time. And well, I was in a trade job, and getting paid more than I have ever been paid, and in this particular trade, if I didn’t work, I wouldn’t get paid. There was no paid vacation or personal days, or even benefits. So missing work meant that I was missing income, which is needed for my family.

Now, of course, I write this with that 20/20 past perspective. I see all that I should have done, and regret not doing it. But I know that 1) I can’t go back and change it, and that 2) my feelings were what they were at the time. Truth is, I know NOW that my feeling of purposelessness was partially because depression is a bitch. But also because my purposelessness was selfish. Fact is, I’m a father, I’m a husband, providing for my family should be my primary purpose anymore.

Granted, I admit that is hard. For as long as I can remember I always had goals, I wanted to go to a specific college, I wanted to make a specific choir, I wanted to work in a specific area of the US, I wanted to work a specific career. When I met my girlfriend (now wife) I began reevaluating those things, this woman was wonderful, she fit the things I had always asked for and prayed for, she even carried similar (but different) baggage that I knew was something that we could “bond” over and get stronger together at. I also knew she was different than me in key areas that could push me and help me.

My first mistake is that I began seeing those differences as a burden and hindrance, instead of seeing how it would help me. My second mistake was that I began not cherishing her, not being grateful for her. My third (and worst) mistake is that I began treating her how I treat so many of those who I’m close to, I began viewing her as someone to manipulate. Now, I guess I should clarify, I guess I really don’t view EVERYONE that is close to me as someone I can manipulate. But my general MO in life has always been to use resources, when I was a kid, I’d steal money from my parents to get or do whatever I wanted. I once lived with my best friend and we both smoked weed, when he went out of town for work, I’d smoke his weed because I was out and I wanted some. With my wife, I would lie to avoid confrontation, I would pawn her stuff to pay bills, even making the large mistake of pawning her wedding ring just so I could pay rent. Of course I had plans to get those things back so she wouldn’t find out, but, in retrospect, it would have sent us 1) in further debt and 2) the damage really had been done (both to my self and to her).

So, over the course of our first few years of marriage I had/have broke the thing which is paramount to any marriage. Trust.

So, going back to about 3-4 months ago. My wife finds out that I haven’t really been going to work, and been lying about a lot again. Needless to say, ALL THE SHIT hits the fan. And rightfully/understandably so. My wife didn’t feel comfortable with me staying at home and she needed me to get a job, oh and there were some mutual friends we both had that I couldn’t stay with, to avoid any kind of awkward situation. Unfortunately for me, all my friends that aren’t mutual, do not live in the same area as myself. So, I was stuck sleeping in my car while I found a job.

Fast forward about 3 weeks, I’ve got a job, and I’m allowed to stay with one of our mutual friends who has an understanding of what’s going on. I’m still not allowed to stay at the house, which honestly, I understand completely. My wife is processing about 3 years of me being...well...an asshole, an asshole that would have been kicked out by ANYBODY.

Fast forward to now.

Frankly, I’m not sure WHAT to write at this point.

Truth is, I miss my wife, and I miss my son. We’re at a point where now I get to see him once a week and it may be the most exciting thing to happen in the past few months. I’ve missed him enormously, I’ve missed him growing, learning to crawl, and more. He might be what I miss the most, but barely, BARELY, edging out my wife. I miss her, I miss her smile (even when she was putting it on to try to keep the peace), I miss her curves, I miss her face she makes when she’s annoyed by me. (which I admit, I need to learn to figure out how to process that because honestly, it hurts when she’s annoyed by things that are just kinda intrinsically part of my personality) I miss cuddling with her, I miss her voice, I miss her insight into things, I really miss watching things with her, I desperately miss enjoying geeky things together ( we both really love The Game Theorists) I also really miss sharing our interests.

Looking back at the 3ish weeks in my car though. It does make me think, 1) that I can survive sleeping my car for an extended period of time and use resources around me for basic hygiene. 2) that I’m seriously fortunate to have a roof over my head, a basic place to sleep that fits me (at 6′ 190″ there are very few vehicles that I could sleep in comfortably), running water, and have food to eat. ( I wasn’t starving for those 3 weeks, but I wasn’t eating healthy by any means (i’m looking at you Sodium and Carbs Maruchan Ramen)) and 3) that I’m very lucky to live in an area where there are places that you can spend a day when you’re not job looking, and use their internet for additional job looking and entertainment.

Right now, I’m lonely and uncomfortable with it. But, I’m able to write this using internet, while listening to movie commentary. And I am unbelievably fortunate. I’m also fortunate that I found a job that I think fits me very well, keeps me on my feet, and is a job that I have benefits, paid vacation and personal days, and pays well enough that even in an expensive AF place like LA I could have a decent quality of life. (for the record, I’m not in LA, but I lived there for a few months once and that place is expensive as hell, and I’m making more now than what I did back then, so that’s my reference point.) Oh, and I have a second job to help pay rent since I’ve been here for a while, pay off my credit card (that has been invaluable since this shit hit the fan), and buy gas and food.

Anyway, I think I have sufficiently brain-dumped for this post.

In the future, it won’t always be this long of a post, or even this heavy. I’m likely to write thoughts on movies or TV shows I’m currently watching. Occasionally poetry (because I’ve found over the past couple few months, that writing poetry, even if it’s shitty has really helped me) or maybe something mildly intellectual about story writing or analytical about entertainment. Because that’s how my brain works.

Anyway signing off.

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hikariobsessions · 7 years

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[RANT] IkeSen’s Uesugi Kenshin - The Yandere

...Also known as “Why you shouldn’t be afraid of portraying character flaws.”

DISCLAIMER

This is another personal opinion post, (one I’ve been saving for a rainy day); this time addressing a more specific topic regarding Kenshin, which I mentioned briefly, but tried to avoid on my previous post about IkeSen’s Translations (because I didn’t want to spoil things too much and I’ll try not to reveal too much here as well).

But it's specifically in response to an observation outlined in this wonderful paragraph by @rizosrojizos

Another possibility that occurred to me just now is that the English team may be inclined into political correctness? That is, that they have a fixated negative understanding about what a yandere is, or that they don’t understand yandere Kenshin at all—things that get lost when trying to translate one culture into another. Maybe they fear that if they portray a more faithful translation of Kenshin and MC’s relationship, we, as a western audience, would complain about them “promoting” toxic, abusive, and manipulative relationships and possible Gaslighting or Stockholm Syndrome. That could explain why English MC is on guard and a smart mouth around Kenshin–so that we see her as a strong person, a fighter, and not a weak-minded victim.

- I’m mainly doing this post ‘coz I’m sick of a certain stupid internet joke that got me ranting about Beauty and the Beast to my hapless, irl friend.

- Cybird’s localization team and writers are beginning to worry me about the portrayal of my favorite character, Uesugi Kenshin but I’m trying to be optimistic. (I’m gonna post this anyway before they release it)

- There will be some major spoilers in this (probably) about Kenshin’s route specifically (both routes) BUT go ahead if you don’t mind being spoiled...

- I change my usual tone compared to normal posts for rants out of impulse and the free-for-all nature I’m approaching this particular post type.

- Again if the title didn’t already warn you, this is a Rant. It’s going to be long and caked with profanity which isn’t particularly aimed at anyone, but may or may not offend some people. You have been warned, and do proceed with caution. IT’S FUCKING LONG. >.>

With that said, let’s get on with it, shall we?

Fears of portrayal

Maybe they fear that if they portray a more faithful translation of Kenshin and MC’s relationship, we, as a western audience, would complain about them “promoting” toxic, abusive, and manipulative relationships and possible Gaslighting or Stockholm Syndrome.

OKAY...

The short answer is, yes, certainly the Cybird English localization team can have inhibitions when portraying the ‘yandere’ trope. But we might just be putting words in their mouths at this point.

Here’s the thing, Western audiences aren’t the only people that are against/or would complain about “toxic, abusive and manipulative relationships.” Japanese content makers (I imagine) also have an awareness of what kind of shit they put out in the world, and the Japanese audience, the kind of things they tolerate.

And the portrayal of Kenshin’s yandere, I reckon, had that awareness; and he wouldn’t be the character that he is today, if they didn’t take into consideration the appeal he needed to have to feature in a fucking dating sim and win the hearts of women across Japan (apart from his noted Ikemen status).

In saying that, there’s no tangibility whatsoever (as far as I know) in assuming how cultural products are received by international audiences, so from my point of view, it’s all speculation and delves on the uncertain to the point where the conversation doesn’t necessarily get us anywhere (she says as she writes another long-ass post about the topic), unless Cybird decides to step in and give us their two cents.

BUT addressing Kenshin’s Yandere a bit more specifically based on my experience of his route...

Here are my two cents (or rather, an insane number of words for another fucking Tumblr post.)

In the same way that people & characters can be pushed into a generic stereotype, they can also be quite the exception to it. Characters are meant to portray humans most of the time or have some humane qualities about them (just look at all the Pixar movies). And as we all know (fucking hopefully) humans are much more than just one characteristic, or a label put on them.

Take a look at Nobunaga, for example. I could call him the Domineering type or in Japanese ‘ドS’ [which vaguely means ‘Dominant Sadist’ in a way], but it doesn’t change the fact that he’s fucking ticklish, eats fucking candies or has a big-picture ambition; it’s just one aspect of his personality.

That’s why I don’t think there’s any reason for the English localization team to be scared to portray Kenshin, and his ‘yandere’ side, even if they are trying to be “politically correct”. That’s part of who he is. But it’s also not everything about him. I’m quite the individual exception, but for someone who doesn’t have that much experience liking ‘yanderes’ or has not been exposed to much anime tropes, Kenshin still became one of my favorite characters in the game. To each their own.

***BTW I can appreciate people who are turned off by it; that’s fine, there’s nothing wrong with that. I can totally understand.***

***SORT OF SPOILERS***

To me, Kenshin’s ‘yandere’ aspect in the main story was portrayed as sort of flaw that kept him from striving for a healthier way of living. And that’s something he overcame (with the help of MC) and was part of his character development. Don’t get me wrong, it didn’t completely go away by the end, it just calmed down into a healthier and more playful aspect of him.

***END OF SORT-OF-SPOILERS***

On to the next point...

...they have a fixated negative understanding about what a yandere is, or that they don’t understand yandere Kenshin at all...

I’m living in the hope that Cybird and their localization team are not looking at these characters 2-Dimensionally and, personally, I know that’s arguably not the case from what I’ve seen of the released characters so far in the ENG App. So I’m praying to god that this isn’t what happens.

This might be a bias in terms of process as someone who writes my own stories...but when writing characters, or more specifically, translating characters that have already been created, don’t judge them, or at least aim for understanding first. This is advice also given to actors and directors in filmmaking when thinking about how to portray characters for the screen. Judging them is the audience’s job, not the creators.

If you judge them before you try to understand them, bias/agenda is going to show in every aspect of your work. That defeats the general purpose of storytelling, which, to me, is to convey ‘truth’ about the themes, the characters of the story and the human condition as a whole.

***Pardon the sudden hippie vibe that the last line kinda conveyed. But I digress.***

So...if the localization team judges Kenshin based on a fucking anime stereotype and tries to “fix” him because they have this fucking inhibition about crossing cultural fucking boundaries...Just. Ugh.

Here’s @mischievouslymasamune ‘s post on these cultural differences as well.

Also for those of you who want to raise the argument of Stockholm Syndrome and whatnot...

Or you know...

Keep reading to obtain a modicum of cultural knowledge of what it is, and the issues pertaining to it. Up to you ^_^

Let’s veer away from IkeSen for a moment and look at this other cultural media that’s been in the spotlight because of the same goddamn internet joke that is fucking Stockholm Syndrome. Does anyone know what it is? I mentioned it in the disclaimer ^^^

Here’s a well-meaning media student, similar to myself, talking about it...

***The main points I want to focus your attention towards are between [1:56- 11:22].....but the entire video is worth a watch if you’re one of those people who is passionately declaring “STOCKHOLM SYNDROME” against the original Beauty and the Beast movie. IT’S NOT ABOUT STOCKHOLM SYNDROME.Thank you.***

BUT THE MAIN TAKE AWAY (as in quotes and shit from the video):

Lindsey Ellis (video person) said it best here...

“Your uninformed observation doesn’t make you smarter than the media you consume; it just means you’re not paying attention.” - Lindsey Ellis

So let’s all be informed, shall we?

Here’s a brief definition of Stockholm Syndrome:

Stockholm Syndrome which is also known as Helsinki syndrome is a mental illness developed by the hostages to cope up with the situation. The mental condition or the feelings actually arises because of the bond that develops between the hostage and the captor while performing intimate actions. In simple words we can say that Stockholm syndrome is the emotion that develops among two people where one person physically and mentally harasses the other one. - Pramod Kerkar, MD, FFARCSI, ePain Assist

As for Gaslighting...

Gaslighting is a tactic in which a person or entity, in order to gain more power, makes a victim question their reality. It works much better than you may think. Anyone is susceptible to gaslighting, and it is a common technique of abusers, dictators, narcissists, and cult leaders. It is done slowly, so the victim doesn't realize how much they've been brainwashed. - Stephanie A. Sarkis Ph.D. , Psychology Today

But this is for Cybird’s localization team in particular if they are actually scared of portraying Kenshin in this way. Don’t, as Ellis observes, “miss the forest for the trees” whilst also only having “a passing pop culture knowledge of either forest or trees” when it comes to Kenshin’s route.

Now I know there are only a few people out there that have actually played the JP App and Kenshin’s route, and those of you who haven’t can only take my word when it comes to this post.

I’ll try hard to add-in appropriate screenshots/quotes whenever I can find them to back up what I’ve seen in the stories. But with that being said...

Let’s go back to Kenshin now, shall we...?

***Also - The definition of ‘yandere’ I’ll be using, is this one and this one***

Because of recent events in the English app and how Miss Sass (English MC) has been vocal about her ‘Mr. Sad-Dangerous-Murderer’ encounters with Kenshin; he has been depicted so far as nothing beyond that.

Maybe they’re just setting it up, maybe not; maybe they’re trying to act consistently with how Miss Sass has reacted to Kenshin in the released routes so far...maybe not. Who knows? I’m not Cybird. I wouldn’t mind so much if it was the former, and if you’ve read my previous rant, you will already know how I feel about Miss Sass.

The main problem I think we have with regards to this story, I suppose, is the fear that it will be depicted as an abusive/manipulative relationship in Kenshin’s part. ...There’s also the fear that Miss Pure (Japanese MC) was subject to Stockholm Syndrome and hence, Miss Sass would also be..... *SIGH*

You all need to give more credit to Cybird’s Japanese team. Seriously.

Remember what I said above about characters fitting into a stereotype, but also being quite the exception to them?

Well, here’s Kenshin breaking stereotype:

Mr. Crazy inside and out

...the Yandere is sweet outside, crazy inside... - TV Tropes

- From the moment she meets him, Kenshin has never taken on the facade of a gentle, sweet and caring person. Instead, it’s the opposite. He scares people so as not to get close to them. But MC starts to see beyond that.

Translations:

MC: ...You know, at first glance you really come off as cold and unfriendly but... I can’t help but notice the part of you that’s kind and has this strong sense of honor.

Kenshin: What kind of dull joke are you spouting out now?

Little by little, I began to see Kenshin’s true self. While also never bringing to light my role as chatelaine for the Oda Army.

- Kenshin’s Yandere is crazy inside and out. In other words, the craziness he holds inside him manages to seep out into his actions, whether he’s conscious of it or not. This is seen, not just in how he acts towards MC, but also against Sasuke and other people that are close to him (often a comedic interpretation).

- His unhealthy violent yandere nature is honest and well-established from the get-go, but not lauded. Especially, by the MC. She questions his love for war, and further on into the story she sees it as a flaw that he has that’s been influenced by his past and needs time to heal

Mr. Too-innocent-or-in-denial-about-his-feelings-to-be-manipulative

MC: “Is there something wrong with other people seeing me? Will it somehow cause trouble for you?”

Kenshin: “I don’t know. But just imagining it somehow makes me feel unpleasant.”

- In the beginning, there are no pretenses when it comes to how he has resolved to live according to his values. He likes war, so he lives and plans on dying for it. He likes sake (alcohol) and pickled plums, so he eats and drinks as much as he pleases etc. etc.:

「乱世の生は短い。ならば、せいぜい己の自由に生きるのだな」

“Within these chaotic times, life is short-lived. With that in mind, all one can do is live freely to the best of their ability.” - Kenshin to MC

- In this sense, he isn’t manipulative. He’s way too straightforward for his own good and arguably, somewhat innocent because of that.

- The only time when he's consciously in denial of his own feelings is when it comes to MC because of his ‘issues’. Even the term ‘conciously’ is debatable. He can’t even explain it himself for crying out loud. ^^^ see screenie above.

- Also, his actions when he has MC imprisoned seems to be consistently at odds with what he says/thinks himself while she’s in there (bunny army, a moon-gazing date, bachelor pad tour etc.).

The fucking prison wooing Shenanigans of Mr. God of War. I mean seriously if you’re gonna be a kidnapper/captor, at least try to be a dickhead. (NO. PLEASE DON’T. I LOVE YOU JUST THE WAY YOU ARE)

I want you to smile. -Kenshin, probably.

This is THE BIG ONE.

....but the Yandere's jealous, possessive and obsessive nature won't let them accept the possibility that the person they love can be happy without them. - TV Tropes

Apart from the fact that he has her locked up, in no way does Kenshin act as an abusive captor. He doesn’t harass her into liking him. He doesn’t try to overpower her, mentally, to get her to stay with him. Do we all remember our definitions above ^^^? If not, scroll up and let’s keep on being informed.

This doesn’t mean he isn’t “PROBLEMATIC”. This doesn’t mean he isn’t “POSSESSIVE”. In his main story, Kenshin’s possessiveness comes from the fear of losing MC, and his backstory explaining why he is the way he is. But again, even with that in mind, his “possessiveness” is never put on a pedestal or lauded, especially by MC.

PLUS the MC certainly isn’t ignorant of the ‘issues’ that Kenshin has --- but at the same time, she doesn’t try to overlook the genuinely good man behind these flaws (backstory or not).

<<<MAJOR PLOT SPOILERS AFOOT. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED>>>

「教えろ。どうしたら以前のお前のように笑顔になる」

“Tell me. How can I make you smile the same way you did before?” - Kenshin to MC

OKAY.

I was looking for references and stuff I’ve written down, and I couldn’t stop myself shedding a tear while looking back at Kenshin and MCs interactions. MY HEART WAS BEING STABBED REPEATEDLY FOR THE SAKE OF THIS GODDAMN POST.

I just...gnnhh... *dies briefly* ---> *is resurrected by the miracle that is Kenshin’s character development*

I don’t want to get into this that much because the example I’m thinking of is basically the CLIMAX of Kenshin’s route. For both romantic & dramatic. And I don’t want to ruin it ^^; (those of you have done it in JP app perhaps you know what I’m talking about ;))

<<SEMI-SPOILERS>>

But the point that gets across in this part of the story, is that there’s no doubt just how much Kenshin loves MC. To the point where he decides that letting her go (despite his possessiveness), is much better than having her get hurt because of his way of loving/or hurting her because of how he is.

For a “yandere” to do that -- to value the happiness/well-being of the person they love over their own obsession with them, and being like:

IF THAT’S NOT LOVE, I DON’T KNOW WHAT IS. And apologies guys, but the hipster vibe is strong in this one.

"Love is when the other person's happiness is more important than your own."— H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

“You don’t know about real loss, ‘cause it only occurs when you love something more than you love yourself” - Robin Williams, Good Will Hunting

And to Kenshin’s MC

“I knew that love, to me, is when you’re looked at and the person looking at you sees you whole. They don’t look at you with any desire for change, with any lacking being visible. Love is complete understanding.” - Guillermo Del Toro, The Shape of Water

(How’s that for a fucking movie reference, Clarice?)

<<END OF SEMI-SPOILERS>>

We all have different definitions/interpretations of love. In the stories we experience in IkeSen there are various portrayals of just that: different kinds of love. And Kenshin’s love story just happens to be one of my favorites because it stands on its own when it comes to uniqueness and how heartfelt it is.

And simply put I would hate to see it ruined because of what? Cultural differences? A fear of portraying a character because of a vague definition of a stereotype? 😢 COME. ON.

So now, before I start throwing fucking flowers everywhere and preaching world peace; how about we answer, the golden question?

Does MC have Stockholm Syndrome and/or is she a victim of Gaslighting through Kenshin?

^^ Considering all the stuff I said above, perhaps we can cut this answer short ^^

Rest assured, that the relationship that develops inside the prison is by no means, abusive nor manipulative. Therefore MC doesn’t develop feelings for Kenshin out of survival instincts or as a coping mechanism. She chooses to stay, based on her own reasons and is not “brainwashed” to do so.

What are her reasons? Well, you’ll just have to find out when Kenshin’s route is released (if they decide not to change it) or, you know, get the JP app. Whichever.

Here’s the thing... YES, Kenshin is possessive; YES, he is problematic; and YES he does lock you up in a twisted act of caring--

BUT PLEASE let’s not start using random internet-jokes-disguised-as-fucking-“science”-terms so hastily.

Oh, and just to keep us going on our well-informed streak...

In many parts of the world, Stockholm syndrome is referred to as contested illness but many legal authorities consider it as a fake mental condition. - Pramod Kerkar, MD, FFARCSI, ePain Assist

A fake mental condition.

Final thoughts

If you’ve read this far, well done 😮 👏🏽 👏🏽 You are probably a very tolerant and patient person (with a huge amount of free time, as I do ^^;), so thanks for reading 😭 😭

I’ll be leaving you with thoughts on the ENG MC x Kenshin.

In the Japanese App, there’s no doubt that the MC is depicted to be a lot more patient and tolerating. I suppose you could argue that that’s the kind of person that’s needed to fall in love with an intense character like Kenshin.

But if the ‘Miss Sass’ thing seeds into Kenshin’s Main Route in how it’s depicted in English; and becomes this competition for fucking dominance, given Miss Sass’s no bullshit and judgmental attitude...I really don’t know how I’m going to feel about it (I actually do --- but let’s not make this post more profane and unprintable than it needs to be).

Hehe 😅 And there you have it, I’ve had my fill~

As with anything when it comes to these rants, if you have your own arguments, disagreements or opinions on anything that has been said, please feel free to comment, message, reblog -- coupled with a degree of civility, of course.

I’ll be more than happy to start discussions with people, ENG and JP users alike; and other users from other walks of life for that matter~ ^_^ Cheers everyone and stay kind~

-Hikari <3

#ikemen sengoku #ikesen #rant #personal #uesugi kenshin #イケメン戦国

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