#ppl wont be saying like half or step probably
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sumarmz · 5 months ago
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Thinking about how family trees r gonna be a lot more complicated in a century or so bc non nuclear families are finally being normalised now
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6sixx6sexual6 · 4 months ago
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FLUFF ALPHABET | NIKKI SIXX
UGH NO ONE ASKED FOR THIS BUT I DID HALF OF THIS A LONG TIME AGO AND FOUND IT SO I JUST FINISHED IT. AND THE ABC THING DID REALLY GOOD ON MY OLD ACC SO IM PRAYING THIS WONT FLOP.
word count; 1984
warnings; drugs, sex, alcohol, him getting a little angry, him being bitten by a dog, physical abuse (his step dad), lmk if I missed any (its funny when I see ppl say that knowing damn well yall won't say shit💀)
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A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)
nikkis pretty affectionate, loves PDA and stuff. hes down for anything from just having a hand on your back to fucking you on a car in a parking lot. he doesn't care. he also likes cuddling and just hugging you, not just when he wants something or he's done something.
B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend?)
most likely fwb if you guys would be best friends. if not then at least have hooked up once or twice. but as a best friend he'd keep you around a lot, let you hang in the studio, get high with you at parties and makes sure you're safe (even though he encourages you to get shitfaced, and challenges you to drink offs)
C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)
YES he likes cuddles and you can't change my mind. fucked up, sober, upset or not, doesn't matter, he likes cuddling. his favorites could be face to face with your leg over his waist (he likes to sneak some touches sometimes) or his head on your chest or your head on his chest with one arm around you and the other to hold a bottle of liquor, or if he's needy, everything but sober, and upset, he likes wrapping his arms tight around your waist with his head basically between your tits. boobies make pain go away.
D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down?)
He would want to settle down but at a certain time. He said he's always wanted to be a dad and he would want to get married someday. like, I don't see you and him accidentally getting married in Vegas even in his drunkest state because he doesn't wanna get married now, what would you guys do when you were really ready to settle down and you guys already got married in 1984 or something?
E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)
if you guys had a real connection then he'd probably be upset about it for a while. he'd probably end it because he had to choose between the band or you or something. he'd probably call you and break it off or meet up with you and break it off. but just because you guys broke up doesn't mean you could get another boyfriend or something while he's still around. he on the other hand would probably hook up with someone in the next 24 hours. 
but if it was just a fling or you guys dated for a week or two hed probably just tell you it wasn't working and leave or he might not say anything at all.
F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)
he wants to get married but not yet, he didn't know when. hell, he could've proposed with just the question a long time ago, but wouldn't get married until he knew he wouldn't be all fucked up. definitely would not get married around the time he was strung out on heroin 24/7. most likely would get married after the whole 2 minute death and wake up call.
G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)
He thinks he's more gentle than he actually is. not saying he's throwing you around all the time but hes definitely done some damage, accident or not. more so rough with your emotions and sometimes neither of you know it.
H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)
he likes hugs, he hugs you enough to where it means something each time. he doesn't side hug you, if he's gonna hug you hes gonna make it a hug. hes the type to make sure you hug back and if you don't he'll keep hugging you until you do or until you hug tight enough. sometimes he'll fuck with you and keep telling you to hug him tighter and you end up feeling like you're taking his blood pressure or something. hes a tall guy so assuming you're shorter, when you hug him its normally where he sprays his cologne so you can smell it while you hug. but when he's a 6’4 monster in his platform heels you're to like his stomach or something.
I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)
either really quick or really late. no inbetween. like the night you met or started dating hed tell you he loves you and acts like you've been dating forever and you're the one, or he waits too long to say it.
J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)
yes. LMAO THATS ALL I GOTTA SAY. I've made posts about his Jealousy, and its not just cannon, its a fact. if we had to say from a scale from 1-10, I'd say his Jealousy is always like a 7.4 and up. dosn't matter who, if he doesn't like them and you guys are talking, he feels more Possessive than insecure.
K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)
everywhere that can be kissed he will kiss. he likes a lot of tongue action in kisses, like his tongue would be all over yours of he'll suck on your tongue. something freaky like that. really, he likes to kiss you on your mouth but when he's fucked up he misses and like makes out with your neck or something. 
L = Little ones (How are they around children?)
he loves children. its like a public secret. I have a picture of him when he went to Idaho and there was this little girl and I cant remember if she was opening a present or something, but he was just kinda watching her (i put the picture at the top). if you have younger siblings hed wanna meet them and get to know them, but if they don't like him and wants you to break up with him hed literally give zero shits. if it were like a pre teen hed probably be a little more awkward than with little kids or teenagers. hed probably be like “so, you like rock? you play anything?”
M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)
uh.. you guys rarely see mornings unless you're just going to bed in the morning. but waking up with him at any time there will be vomit, screaming (telling the other to be quiet while throwing up since the other has a headache), pain killers (maybe one too many) and more jack.
N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)
now were talking. you already know. booze, drugs, sex, music, fights, all that.
O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)
he probably wouldn't bring up his childhood by himself, maybe if you asked, but you gotta be careful. he wouldn't spill it all at once, maybe if he did itd be a drunken rant and you can't understand half the things he's saying besides hearing “whore mother” and “asshole dad”, but he would willingly tell you things like how he has a half sister who lived with his mom, and some things he did when he was young. but maybe after all those little things he says about his childhood and you piece it together you can get an idea of what happened. or maybe if he ever took you down to Idaho to meet his grandparents, his grandmother would show you the few pictures she has of him as a child, and her being the sweet lady she was shed probably just tell you about his mom and stuff.
P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)
not really easily angered but easily annoyed and irritated that can lead to anger. hell get irritated when something doesn't go his way, and if its not fixed in a short amount of time hell get mad. he'll get annoyed at the phone ringing when you guys are having sex, and he'll get irritated if someone keeps calling. its like a loop.
Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)
he'll remember what he can, he'll forget most of what you told him one night but would try and fill in the missing parts. but when you keep reminding him of what you actually said after like 2 more times, it sticks, and his memory gets better the more you guys date. because he knows you'll get tired of repeating and he really does wanna know your moms secret macaroni ingredient or some shit.
R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)
probably the first time you hooked up. hes probably had his eye on you and you didn't really wanna move that fast in a relationship, but you managed to wait maybe 3-5 days in the relationship before you guys had sex.
T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts?)
its your birthday? pick what you want and he'll buy it. already picked what you wanted? he got you more shit. anniversary? probably rented out like a whole part of a club that was kinda blocked off so you guys could fuck on the couch with the table almost full of fruity drinks you wanted to try.
U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)
I could go on and on. either read my other posts or you don't know him enough💀
V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)
God, hell genuinely tweak if his hair isn't a foot tall with hairspray. but when he's having a good makeup day he smiles :] like that :].
W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)
in a way. if you guys went strong and made it a while, hed probably feel lonely without you, or confused. like when he's just by himself and he's thinking of you and that you're not there, he has the look you make when you enter a room and forgot why you went in there.
X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)
this isn't cannon but Nikki hates German shepherds because when he was young his step father (the one who beat him for brushing his teeth wrong) had one and the dog would always bite him and the guy didn't do anything about it. and when they were driving to Mexico the dog was in the car and bit him the whole way there
I feel like he makes good smores though LMAOO
Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)
now.. he said he doesn't like curly hair because he said everyone he's met that had curly hair was cock eyed. but don't let that stop you, it'll grow on him. hell still stand for not liking curly hair but would word it differently when talking about you. “her hair isn't curly its fuzzy. and I like it.”
Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habits of theirs?)
hed take up the whole bed. he doesn't move much in his sleep so don't let him lay all stupid on the bed or he won't move. he also probably doesn't like blankets that much, he always kicks them off or gets annoyed at night from being hot and just aggressively but softly throws the rest of the blanket on your sleeping body.
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cronaz-diary · 7 months ago
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Hey, coming from someone who used to be just like you, I REALLY suggest you take a step back from posting on the internet until you’re 18 at least. I acted a lot like you, worse in my earlier years, and the thought that my old posts and comments could still exist as screenshots or in archives makes me extremely nauseous. You might view your behaviour as justified now, but down the line you’re seriously going to regret it even if you continue to hold the same beliefs— ESPECIALLY since you have pictures of your face on here and post personal information. You probably won’t listen to me, I know my 16 year old self wouldn’t, so all I can do is wish you good luck.
To the adults in this kid’s inbox; you need to leave them alone. One kid’s opinion isn’t the end of the world, but the way they’re reacting to what you’re saying could end their’s.
hii im finally back from my tumblr break !! the last part PLZ THE ADULTZ HARASSING ME, A 16 YR OLD, IZ WEIRD ESP THE ONEZ THREATENING ME AND CALLING ME SLURZ also it caused me to split rlly badly and a suicide attempt so can u all plz stop:(( and yea i took a break from here bc ppl here dont know how to act, dont listen and were just bad for me and now im kinda scared of anything on here and other sitez im on but im staying here and tryna get over it bc the internet iz my only escape i have nothing irl rrlly sadly</3 and yea sum old shit (mainly the stuff i made while splitting or any other bad shit like that) i feel embarrassed abt and more bc ppl wont leave me alone abt it like plz just let me forget half the thingz i do or say while im going through episodez or anything i dont actually mean
i try rlly hard not to post personal info and gonna try harder idk wut iz too much or not so if i post sumthing thatz too over sharing plz tell me and ill take it down !! only thingz (i think) i rlly share iz my outfitz/fashion, other social mediaz and who i am ig (. > .)
im gonna stay here and on the internet but def will take more breakz tho esp bc stuff iz kinda hard rn and i hadnt been doing the best even before getting harassed bc ppl misunderstood wut i said and cant handle not creating stupid ass drama cuz yea i still feel we shouldnt let men in a sexuality that waz made to not include men coming from a lesbian and from many many other lesbianz i hear say thiz even non lesbianz:/
anywayz hiii ill be posting more and thiz will be my last post abt thiz stupid drama thing (for now i think) cuz i wanna post abt other stuff i made thiz to talk abt shit going on (without too much detail), be myself and so ppl can see my outfitz
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mx-matched-knickknacks · 1 month ago
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HERE WE GO [Under the Read More cause I already know it's gonna be loong LMAO]
Bfbfvegege maybe I am praising him too much in this and yeah maybe someday I'll go back to this post and cringe, but hell, lifes short and the internet is forever, right? I don't really go on Autism rants about my interests often, so if your looking for trouble simply keep scrolling thank you very muchh 💚💚 (and im sorry if anything written comes off as rude, that is not my intention i promise)
Well... here we are. I think it's fitting that now, at the end of this era, I write one big love letter to Joost and this fanbase hahaha XD
As many of us approach knowing of Joost for HALF A YEAR (holy shit, already?!) and we finally get the answer that he's not going back to ESC next year, I can't help but be nostalgic :•}
Obviously getting really into this Dutch artist was not expect haha, but ohh what a ride it's been so far. And because of TikTok of all things XD As an American fan, finding him was purely by chance, but I'm ever so grateful I did. Ive spent so much of my freetime watching the live Europapa performence over and over and over again, folding and cutting and glueing those cute little paper dolls of him, scrolling endlessly on TT for every little bit of love shown, watching every interview and live performance hes done (and all the concerts he played at!!!)... and also spending maybe a little bit too much money shipping Chrome Magazine over to the US lol ^^; This probably wont sound like much to you, but this one man somehow managed to disrupt my ongoing 4 year streak of a different special interest! How about that!!!
Now... ive seen both wonderful and absolutely terrifying things from this fanbase, if im gonna be totally honest... ^^; but overall id say my experience has been pretty good! Obviously I have not interacted with ppl within this space much (as often happens with my interests sadly) but yall who do act right are pretty damn cool and extremely talented !!!!! (And huuge shoutout to those who work hard to translate from Dutch to English too, like JoostSubs on twt!!!!) ^^ This kind of creativity is what Joost wants to inspire!! Remember that!!! And I do want to take more steps into being more active in the fanbase in the future <3
Now about Joost himself...
I don't think I've ever know of anyone who's star shines as bright as his. Through time and turmoil he remains steadfast and ever so kind to those around him (almost to a fault). With his friends; Stuntje, Apson, Lyon, Tantu, Donnie, Alanis (and all the rest of em!) He's shown incredible amounts of love and care for :'•) Even after becoming such a big name worldwide, he still remained in a state where he can still do what he loves with the ones he cherishes most and that's just so damn wonderful to me 💙💙💙 His pure unadulterated silliness, his infectious joy and positivity, and how he unabashingly is himself no matter where he goes are qualities i really do look up to in him. Just the most wonderful guy I've ever seen whos sooo full of whismy...
Though I can't relate personally to the meanings behind most of his songs, I don't think that prohibits me from still appreciating just how much heart and soul he puts into them. And seeing all the people who have been helped and felt heard bc of his music... it just makes me very happy, yknow? Is that so cringe to feel?
I don't wanna talk as much about his disqualification and that interview he did earlier today (for not focusing too much on the negative), but I do firmly believe that he was treated extremely unfairly just in general by... certain groups (you know the ones). I will say that I am very glad Tantu called them out tho 😁😁. The decision of not going to ESC 2025 being last minute did sort of surprise me tbh. Maybe one day he'll release the song he made for next years ESC, but it did seem to cause all of them a lot of ultimately unneeded stress... so I wouldn't be surprised if that's something released in the far future. I really do hope that Joost and his friends can spend good time healing from everything that has happened since May, whatever way they find suitable.
I don't think I'll be leaving this fanbase anytime soon (or will be able to LOL), but as we reach sunset of this "Europapa" Era, I want to say:
Gabberland Era here we come!!!
Love Always Wins #LAW
Unity forever and ever 💙💙💙
#JoostKlein2025
Be normal, be healthy
No matter where this future takes us, I'll be forever grateful to have Joost in my life 💚💚💚💚💚
Ty for reading my silly rant :'•} mwah mwah
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Lord help me I'm about to type up all my thoughts about Joost after that interview 🙏🙏 /lh
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flowersbby · 4 years ago
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Drawn to You | Corpse Husband x Fem! Reader
Warning:  Makeout, This is a lil long (I got carried away)
Word count: 3859
It was a typical night for you. You had your music playing faintly in the background while you were writing notes for your anatomy & physiology class when you felt your phone vibrate violently on your desk, which caused your French bulldog, Royal, to wake up from his snoring slumber on your lap. With an annoyed huff, you pick up your phone and notice your best friend Rae had texted you numerous times.
Rae 😴
Hey!
Among Us!
Now!
Need 10th person!
Pleaseeeeee
You stared at the messages for a minute. You were confused on why she asked you of all people. You were the opposite of the many streaming friends she had who were loud, funny, and all around GOOD at games. Your shy character would not fit well on her stream and you knew that. Plus, the only games you’ve played are Stardew Valley and Animal Crossing, which requires no communication with people and you preferred it that way.
You
Why me? I’m in the middle of writing notes.
Rae 😴
There’s this person I want you to meet!
He’s really nice and you’ll warm up to the group in no time, I promise!
I won’t let them be mean to you 😤😤
They’re nice ppl anyway so they wont be mean lol
You
Okay.. let me load up my discord
Rae 😴
Yayy!
I already bought among us for you last time I was over so you’re good to go!
‘What? When did she find the time to buy the game for me? We were literally together the whole time she was here.’ You thought, but quickly dismissed it and loaded up discord. Right as you got online, you got an invite from Rae. You quickly grabbed your headset and adjusted your mic before joining the call. You petted Royal in an attempt to calm your nerves as you saw 9 peoples profile pictures appear in front of you. You only recognized Rae’s, of course.
“Hey, (Y/N)!” Rae exclaimed, “Guys, this is my best friend (Y/N)! Introduce yourselves!”
“Hi, I’m Toast!” Said the man with the toast icon. You smiled at his profile picture. You found it cute.
“I’m Jack!” Said an Irish voice. You know Jack. You used to watch his videos a lot.
“I’m Poki!” Said a girl with a really sweet voice, “Nice to meet you!” You were about to say hello back when someone else chimed in.
“Hello, I’m Felix!” You recognized that Swedish accent. He was the most well known YouTuber, of course.
“Nice to meet you!” Said a really soft voice, “I’m Sykkuno!” His voice reminded you of an anime boy. You smiled to yourself.
“Hi, I’m Lily!” Said a really cute and high pitched voice. 
“Hi everyon-” You went to introduce yourself properly until you got cut off.
“I’m Corpse.” Said a deep, attractive voice. Your eyes widened for a second, his voice catching you off guard.
“H-hello,” You attempt to say hello again but this time you’re a little shaken up by Corpse’s voice, but you get it together by petting Royal once again. “I’m (Y/N). It’s nice to meet you all!”
“Your voice is so adorable!” Says Lily. You smile at the fact that someone who’s voice is equally as adorable complimented yours.
“Thank you!” You respond, “Your voice is adorable too, Oh my God!” 
Lily giggles at your compliment. “Alright!” Exclaimed Rae, “Ready to play (N/N)?” You quickly realized you forgot to load up Among Us before hand. You were silently kicking yourself for not doing such a simple thing. Now they’re gonna have to wait longer to play because of you and they already waited long enough for you to join the discord call.
“Um..” You stall as you hurriedly click on the Among Us icon. “I’m so sorry. I forgot to load it up.. but it’s loading right now!” Your eyes are glued to the screen as if it’ll make the game boot up faster. 
“That’s okay.” Said Corpse in the most kind voice. “It won’t take that long.” You feel heat rushing to your cheeks just by hearing his voice. Who is this man and why is he making you feel like this?
They all agreed with Corpse and continued chatting about whatever they were chatting about before you joined the call. You were half listening as you were trying to figure out what to do as the game loaded up. Just as you were about to ask Rae, Corpse sent you the game code through a private message. You typed “Thank you!” as you quickly entered your name and then the game code.
“Woo! (Y/N)’s here!’ Said Rae happily. “Choose your color and your hat!” ‘Where do I do that?’ You thought to yourself but quickly found it. You wanted to be pink but it wouldn’t let you choose it.
“Why isn’t it letting me choose pink?” You asked. 
“It’s because Corpse is pink.” Explained Lily. “He took it from me too.” She said with a sad, but funny, tone.
“I can be a different color.” Corpse said and quickly changed his color from pink to white. 
“Oh, Thank you!” You said happily and picked a flower to match it.
“No problem.” He said and you could hear the smile in his voice. It made butterflies appear in your stomach.
“Are you kidding me?!” Said a laughing Lily. “I literally ARGUED with you about letting me have pink!”
“I sense something happening...” Cooed Rae in a sing songy voice. The whole group then erupted in “Ooooo’s”. This made you blush. You covered your face even though they couldn’t see you and Corpse chuckled, which only made you blush more.
Before the game started they all explained to you how to play so you wouldn’t be lost. This calmed your nerves a bit and when the game started you were happily going around the ship completing your tasks. Watering the plants was your favorite so far since you found it satisfying how the plants grew. You saw Corpse run up to you and you made your character step away a bit because you didn’t want to get killed. He instead ran circles around you and you decided to follow him for the rest of the game for safety. You both encountered Rae and Toast by the vending machines but didn’t think much of it and waited for Corpse to finish his task. Until Rae killed you and Toast killed Corpse. “A double kill?!” You shouted to yourself, causing Royal to wake up and slowly get off your lap. “I’m sorry buddy..” You said to him as he laid down in his dog bed. You turn your attention back to the screen as someone found you and Corpse’s dead bodies.
“Um, bodies found by the vending machines.” Said Felix who didn’t sound all too confident. “Jack where were you?” He asked.
“I was in..” As Jack was about to explain himself you heard a ‘pop’ emit from your headphones and saw a red dot by the messages icon. You clicked it and saw it was a message from Corpse. You completely stopped caring about the arguing going on through your headphones as Jack was trying to claim innocence.
“I like your flower :)” It read. You smiled big and immediately typed back.
Your fingers hovered over the keys thinking about what to type back but you settled on a simple “Thank you :D”.
After two games or so everyone got tired and decided to head out. You all said your goodbyes and watched as each person slowly began to leave the call. You didn’t want to leave until you were sure everybody was gone. Everybody left but Corpse. “Hey..” He said, sounding a little shy but it was probably just because he was tired.
“Hi!” You said a little too excited. You immediately wished you could reword what you said a little calmer.
“So, uh..” He began, “Could I possibly get your number? For Among Us games I mean?” He didn’t sound too sure of himself but him asking this made you beam with excitement.
“Of course.” You said calmer than before, “But I don’t know what help I’d be as I’m terrible at this game.” You giggled.
You typed in chat your number, your fingers shaking slightly. “Nah, I liked playing with you.” He said more confident, “You make it more fun. Even though I haven’t ever spoken to you before.” He chuckled. You smiled at his words. Butterflies formed in your stomach hearing him laugh.
You and Corpse chatted a bit more until he decided he should go, but you wished you guys could have kept talking the whole night. You felt this connection with him that you couldn’t put into words. It felt so easy for you to talk to him and you didn’t feel as nervous around him as the others you met today. There was something so calming about him that washed your fears away. You shook your head from the thoughts and told yourself that you just met him today, you shouldn’t get ahead of yourself but it was hard not to.
You were laying in your bed scrolling through twitter when you got a text.
xxx-xxx-xxxx
hey its corpse
is this (Y/N)?
Your heart skipped a beat. You were excited Corpse texted you so fast, hoping you two could continue talking.
You
That’s me!
I thought you were going to sleep?
Corpse🥺🖤
nah i hardly ever sleep i just left because i didnt want to keep you up
i really enjoyed playing with you
You
I enjoyed playing with you too
We should play together again soon
Corpse🥺🖤
definitely
You’ve begun to become really good friends with Corpse over the past week. You and him would facetime each other whenever you could. You always were on facetime with him, actually. Whenever you were studying, you guys were talking. Whenever he was editing, you guys were talking. When you were about to go to bed, you guys were talking. 
Right now, you guys were facetiming as you were studying for an upcoming exam and he was trying to stay awake. You liked having him around when you were studying even if it was through a phone. You didn’t feel pressured to talk or have to worry about an awkward silence with him. It was comfortable silence.
You started to worry that you were keeping him up, though. “You can go to bed if you want,” You said softly as you looked up from your textbook to the black screen propped up against a few books. “ I don’t want to keep you up. You need some rest.”
“No..” He muttered, “I like having you around..”
“I like having you around too Corpsie but we can talk when you wake up.” You told him a little sternly in an effort to convince him to go to bed.
“Can I ask you something?” He asked out of the blue.
You paused before answering and shifted your gaze to the black screen once again. “Yeah sure, go ahead.” 
“Do you want to maybe stay over here for a bit?” He asked, “Whenever you’re free, I mean. If you don’t want to I get that too I just feel so drawn to you I want you closer to me. Is that weird? I’m sorry if that’s weird. Actually, forget I said-”
“I’d love to come over.” You told him with a smile. “When would you want me to be there?”
“As soon as possible.” He said in his raspy, tired voice. Butterflies formed in your stomach and you felt your heart skip a beat. This man was something else.
“I can be over there in the morning..” You start, “I just have to pack and everything. Is it okay if I bring Royal? I don’t want to leave him with my sister.” You look over to Royal sleeping peacefully on your bed, snoring away.
“Hell yeah!” Corpse exclaimed, “I love animals! Bring him over.” You giggled at his excitement.
Corpse ended up falling asleep soon after and you ended the call. As you were getting ready for bed you began to think of what Corpse’s place would be like and what you guys would do. You were definitely going to show him Stardew Valley, that was for sure. You pondered the thought of you finally confessing to him that you wanted to be not just his friend, but girlfriend. You’ve been wanting to do it for awhile now but you get too scared and end up chickening out, so you figured if he liked you like you like him, he’d make the first move. You started to make up scenarios in your head about finally hanging out with Corpse in person as you drifted off to sleep, hearing Royal snoring peacefully in the background.
It was the next morning and as soon as you woke up you changed into your favorite outfit and began to pack. You didn’t know how long you were staying for but you decided to pack about 2 weeks worth of clothes just to be on the safe side. Royal was sitting on the floor watching you as you hurried from your closet to the suitcase on your bed. You were happily humming as you were excited about the day. You heard your phone buzz and you quickly grabbed it from your bed as you saw the name pop up on the screen.
Corpse🥺🖤
hey :) 
heres the address:
You
Thanks! and hello 😊
You two texted until you were ready to go. You were definitely NOT looking forward to driving two and a half hours from LA to San Diego but you were so excited to see Corpse that the dread of the long car ride washed away.
You put Royal into his harness and plopped him in the back seat. He looked at you confused since he rarely ever gets to go for rides in the car. “We’re going to see a friend!” You tell him while petting his head. He then laid down and began to close his eyes.
After what seemed like forever you were finally outside Corpse’s apartment. You grabbed Royal and attached his leash to his harness and then proceeded to grab your giant (and heavy) suitcase out of the trunk. You struggled getting the suitcase up the apartment building stairs but you managed. You felt a sense of relief that his apartment building had an elevator so you didn’t have to deal with more stairs. The ones at the entrance were enough. While you were waiting for the elevator to take you to his floor you took this opportunity to text him.
You
On my way up!
Almost immediately after you sent it he read it. He started typing but the three dots quickly disappeared. Before you could question it the elevator doors opened to his floor. “Come on, Bud!” You said to Royal and motioned for him to go ahead. Royal got up from his sitting stance and lead the way. After passing 2 other doors, you were at Corpse’s. You knocked two times.
You heard shuffling on the other side and the door knob turning shortly after. Before you knew it, Corpse was in front of you. His eyes were looking at yours. You immediately smiled. “Hi.” Corpse said with a slight smile as well.
“Hi..” You said shyly. You didn’t know how to react now that he was in front of you and not behind a screen. He stepped aside and motioned for you to come inside. You entered his apartment and set your suitcase by the couch. Royal was pawing at Corpse’s leg, begging for pets.
“Aww, hi buddy!” Corpse said excitedly. “He’s so well behaved.” Corpse was talking to you now.
“Yeah, it took work though.” You laughed slightly. “Your place is really nice.” You said as you looked around. You noticed all of his mirrors were covered up, but you decided not to ask him about that. He probably had his reasons.
“Thank you.” Corpse said as he looked at you. “You look pretty.”
You blushed and turned your head away from him so he couldn’t see your pink cheeks. “Thank you.”
Corpse cleared his throat, “So uh, I don’t have a guest bedroom so I’ll take the couch for however long you want to stay.”
You quickly shot your head at him. “No no no I’m not letting you sleep on the couch in your own apartment.” You argued with him.
“Well, I’m not letting you sleep on the couch.” Corpse stated.
“Then we’ll share your bed.” You said with a shrug and headed towards his room to set your suitcase down, Royal following closely behind you. You didn’t see anything wrong with it. You and Rae share one whenever you guys sleep over at each other’s house and you thought this was no different
“O-okay.” He responded and quickly followed after you, “So, this is my room.” he said as you and him both entered.
“I like it!” You exclaimed as you looked around. You liked how dark it was in there. You smiled at him and he smiled back at you. That smile.. You thought and quickly fumbled with your suitcase as you set it down by his closet. Corpse came closer to you.
“Can I give you a hug?” Corpse said a little shyly, as if I’d say no.
“Of course!” You said and wrapped your arms around his neck. He was taken aback but quickly put his hands around your waist. You caught a whiff of his mild cologne which made you want to stay in the hug a little longer. You didn’t want to be weird though and pulled away from the embrace.
“I’m really happy you’re here.” He said as he looked into your eyes. I could kiss him right now, oh my God. Your mind raced, but you managed to get out some words.
“I am, too.” You said.
It’s only been about a day since you’ve been over at Corpse’s. Sharing the bed seems to be no big deal as he barely seems to sleep. You so far liked being there with him.
Right now, you were on the phone with an overly excited Rae.
“You’re at his HOUSE?!” She yelled excitedly in your ear. Your face cringed a little bit from the yelling.
“Yeah,” You told her, “He has a really nice place.” You said as you scanned his living room.
“I knew you guys would hit it off!” Rae said, “I should be a matchmaker or something.” You blushed at her comment.
“Nothing’s happened yet.” You said quietly, not wanting Corpse to hear you.
“Girl, you’re at his house.” Rae said in a obvious tone. You rolled your eyes.
“This could just mean he likes having me over as a FRIEND.” You told her. You were hoping that wasn’t the case though and Corpse did have feelings for you. You smiled at the thought.
“You are so oblivious.” Rae said with a sigh, “Anyway, I gotta go workout. Love ya! Hope everything goes well!” She said the last part in her sing songy voice.
“Love you too!” You said back and ended the call. What do I do now? You thought. Corpse was streaming so you couldn’t hangout with him right now and your physics class isn’t till a few hours. You were hungry, though, and decided to cook some lunch for you and Corpse. It’ll be a nice surprise for him. You smiled at the thought.
You made your delicious Dorito taco salad that you love so much. You made a bowl for Corpse as well and took it to his room where he resided. He didn’t seem to be streaming anymore and was just scrolling through Twitter on his computer.
“I come with food!” You say as you place the bowl down in front of him. You seem to have startled him as he jumped slightly when you spoke. He examined the bowl suspiciously.
“What is this?” He says cautiously of your creation.
“It’s Dorito taco salad.” You explain, “It has crushed up Doritos, of course, shredded chicken, lettuce, olives, and sour cream in it.” He seemed to be skeptical of it, which was a given every time you made it for someone new, but people ended up loving it when they tasted it. You were confused as to how many people found it weird since your mom made it for you when you were a kid a ton, so you were used to the delicious lunch dish.
“Okay.” He said and took a bite of it. His eyes lit up. “Oh my god, this is so good!” He exclaimed and took another bite. You giggled with excitement that he loved it like you did.
You both ate together and laid down on the bed as you talked about random things that were going on in your lives. You guys were laughing at a joke Corpse said until Corpse got serious.
“I have to tell you something.” Corpse said and looked into your eyes.
“Okay,” You said confused, “Go ahead.”
He took a deep breath. “I like you.” He confessed, “Like, romantically. I have for awhile now actually and I don’t know what it is about you and I thought I was done with love but you make me feel so happy and different from anyone else I’ve talked to. You don’t have to feel the same way but I couldn’t keep my feelings in for any longer.”
You paused for a moment. Is this actually happening? Are you in a dream? “I like you too, Corpse.” You say softly. His eyes beam with excitement..
“Really?” He asks.
You laugh at his bewilderment. “Yes, really!”
He tackles you in a hug on the bed. You giggle from his excitement. He’s on top of you and he lifts his head up from your neck to look you in the eyes. You get a rush of emotions as you see the care and love in his eyes as he’s looking at you.
You blurt out what you were thinking in that exact moment. “Kiss me.”
He leans in and kisses you softly. One hand is holding him up on the bed as the other is cupping your cheek. You take one hand and tangle it in his hair. This causes him to deepen the kiss with you. The kiss turns rough. You’re both so in the moment you don’t want to come up for air but you guys manage to keep going by taking in air when your lips part for brief moments. The hand that was cupping your cheek is now next to your head, taking the responsibility of holding him up. The other hand is trailing up and down your thigh, squeezing your thigh tightly ever so often. You eventually break the heated kiss and look up at him. You were hoping he could see the love you had for him in your eyes.
“I liked that.” You say smiling.
He chuckled at your words. “I like it too.”
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winterrhayle · 4 years ago
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ok, some of u have probably noticed by now that tegan has deactivated her account (@lethughandsimonkiss) and she sent me this to explain why: (everything in italics was written by tegan)
There are things more important than what I'm upset over. Tumblr really isn't a great place anyway. And when you just get buried beneath it, it doesn't help anything. There are so many things dying on it, i wont be surprised if Tumblr deletes itself in two years. The sharing of content is too much all in itself. I think you guys already know about that. I didn't even know what i was doing on tumblr, i was just there to have fun.
But the more time i spent on it, the more it seemed it didn't matter. I wanted to apart of the Renegades fandom. And the only i came apart of it was the reblogs right? People starting seeing what i did, and you accepted me. That was cool. I mean, yea i wanted to popular like the big blogs but i was never gonna get there. That was fine with me until i had to learn about how tumblr worked. That caused me stress. I started just wandering around tumblr, dead minded. Eventually that writers stand thing happened and it took a lot out of me. I didn't really participate but i did take the time to reflect on why i was even on tumblr.
I suppose its just some people i cant be in the same room with.
I cant really consider what is fair and what isnt. I mean i guess it sucks when something you work hard on basically gets shit on. Was it fair? Not really, no actually. Was it really something to delete your account over? No, it wasn't (keeping in mind this isn't really what i deleted it for) But when you really try to reach just to get shot down, you can't help but think about it right? I couldn't help it. Yes, it was stupid but i wasn't expecting it to blow up like that
. It just discouraged me from everything. I was trying so hard for something that was never gonna happen. Sure, i was holding a grudge. But the damage is done. And it sucks. I just want to be able to enjoy something without someone going all uwu on me. Its disappointing. I was disappointed in this more than angry( even if i seemed to come off as angry). I thought fandoms were supposed to be fun spaces, not something you dread over. I know i seem bitchy about this one thing, but it just sucks, ok? It made ALOT of questions run through my head nonstop. I want to be able to forget about it.
it's actually more things i just cant deal with. I could tell you more reasons but i dont wanna keep your time more than i already have. Tumblr has actually caused me more pain than comfort, even when i was just sitting there, watching y'all argue over generally nothing. Maybe some time, this or next week (if im lucky that is) i can make a new account and start fresh. Without grudges, no regrets, and no jealousy or whatever. Maybe my therapy will fix that. I know it seems dumb to mention therapy over fucking tumblr but my first session actually explained alot, (about me dreading, not being able to sleep, the questions) I guess deleting it was a first small step. And i will say goodbye (at least for this moment) with this : You can still support each other. Just enjoy each others presence. Encourage each other. Make their time as worthy as yours. Please. Its actually not that hard. It doesn't really contradict anything.
So if you wanna talk to me: insta: capsnhoodies, ao3:mangoesntangoes
I still post to insta( cuz i fuck around on my stories), and i like to post fics on ao3 cuz Tumblr eats them.
Thanks for everything anyway <3 Hope to get back to you all soon
she’d rly appreciate it if u signal boosted this so i’m gonna tag a bunch of ppl to spread it round
@honey-harper-official @furryevanderwade @cerenoya @thepurpledragon4444 @sanktaleksander @emybain @cinderswrench @scxundress @jacihayle @half-heaven @cindersnightmare @strawberry-seraph @novas-tunnel-of-anxiety @blackpercyjckson @girlfriendisthemoon @novas-egg-beater @creampuffqueen @its-liiinh-cinder-official @healing-winston-pratt @alecjamesartino @teawithhoneyharper @queen-of-self-love @ohmyskies @pjo-and-jollof-rice @ztomazhipsclato @bisexualnovaartino  @lavenderbloo @screennamealreadyused @peoplecallmeginger @idkchatie @emmabookworm08 @angstycatthatlikestea (sorry if i missed anyone)
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icecreamkink · 4 years ago
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so i watched cobra kai all in two days and i have so many -
this show has so many cool and smart angles to it, but the same time.... its so stupid oh my god everyone is so dumb literally mr miyagi held all of the braincells in this whole universe 
like i am but at the same time i am not surprised it was made like this, bc in hindsight of course there were hordes of ppl simping over johnny lawrence ....  but it still amuses me that this is like... an Actual Official Thing
ok this will get long so cut it is
how much fun this cast has is super visible and i love it
i rly enjoy how the world was expanded ! i did grow up watching the karate kid movies, so watching how they progressed the world of the movies so organically was pretty cool. it rly feels like its the same universe
i fucking LOVE stories that are largely about a Thing. dancing ,skating, sports its just so thrilling to experience this all consuming relationship people can have with this type of activity? and martial arts are just that much more intense, so yeah, grown ass men kicking each other around at the lightest provocation and a war veteran caring so much abt teen karate is Ridiculous.... but i love it all because thats the intensity i find so thrilling
was kinda surprised with how much im missing mr. miyagi. first because, like everyone is so unhinged jesus christo, it just really throws into relief how much his character grounded the narrative of the movies. but also hes just a really great character
and on that note it rly Gets Me that the show itself aknowledges that and plays that into daniels angst and all the little ways they sorta weave myiagisms into the whole show........ im not getting emotional over this dumb karate dads show OK
related - i really miss hearing ‘daniel-san’ 🥺🥺
ACE DEGENERATE oh god oh no
they really went down the down and out johnny lawrence route huh. like i was always kinda bummed we see kreese choking him and then we never see him again in the movies, and while i love dumpster fire problematic trash himbo ck johnny, its like......................... actually really sad that his life turned out like this fjngn
everytime i hear ‘babes’ and ‘pussy’ i die a little inside. i know thats the point but i am a v cringe easy person, have mercy (ehe)
loved the way they are constantly drawing parallels between johnny and mr. myiagi of all people. hes the handy man of his building that has a bullied kid asking for help and eventually steps up to teach them karate, beats up a bunch of bullies for him, creates a friendship with said kid, estranged from family, drinks his sorrows away, surprisingly one of the least quick to anger characters (which says more about everyone else really but.... Well.), no schemes or ulterior motives hes just tryna vibe here.... oh and ofc magically heals miguel of is asthma apparently. the true disciple.. meanwhile daniel is his usual messy petty self even tho he wants to be mr myiagi so bad 
also interesting about that is how miguels character is a parallel of both johnny and daniel at the same time
overall the parallels in ck are done really well, drawing comparisons and also subverting them constantly. theyre well thought out
THE PARALELOGRAMS
fr tho, the angle being explicitly the cycle of trauma and its effects and how trumatized adults in turn traumatize kids, maliciously or not, is so interesting
but! on the flip side of that, it feels like the writers are getting in their own way @ letting the characters grow. especially this last season. theres only so many times you can do "johnny and daniel are getting along but 5mins later they are (literally) fighting over some dumbass random issue" or "johnny puts in 20% of effort with robby and then gives up" before it gets on your nerves yknow?
i see daniel no longer talks like macchio ingested 15 shots of espresso before every take and idk how to feel about that tbh
interesting tension in daniel, as in, in tkk mr miyagi was there and daniel was frankly, kind of a lil shit, this messy petty spitfire hot tempered sassy kid,(johnny lawrence voice: just... stop being so annoying) but now hes the adult, and he wants to be mr. miyagi... but hes just not, and never will be to his very core and it shakes him and in a way hes trying to find who he is now that he sees himself in a position to be a not! cobra kai figure. i kinda really like that 
plus how that relates to his cobra kai trauma. idk if the writers thought abt it Like That, i think so, but in any case, its interesting bc it seems like daniel has told everyone whod listen about johnny lawrence his Pretty Boy Karate Rival and high school and 84 cobra kai... But. no one seems to know what went on in 85 (or 86? idk) which was just so much worse
like ye og cobras were shitheads, but tkk iii is just two hours of daniel being emotionally and physically tortured. 
like, the third movie is.............chaotic, to put it nicely, and many people ignore it, but the writers clearly didnt. daniels actions are, in a way, responding so much more to the events of tkk iii than to the first movie ie. johnny himself, AND. daniel doesnt rly seem to have dealt with that trauma? he never told sam? doesnt feel like hes ever told amanda? he doesnt even say terrys name out loud? freaks Out over kreese ? the way he reacts to robbys deceit? his FACE when he walks past the new "fear does not exist in this dojo" paint or kreeses photo? hmMm i sense Pain
his fashion tho........... disappointing. where are the flower shirts daniel huh we had one (1) shirt what a tragedy STOP WEARING SUITS ALL THE TIME . also the band ts/grunge bi are a look for johnny but part of me longs for the preppy lovable 80s bully chic johnny lawrence getups
weird that they never used that last moment of karate kid where johnny kinda... snaps out of his anger and hands daniel the trophy almost in tears. like “youre alright larusso, good match” “thanks a lot”  that being their last direct interection seems like itd be perfect fruit for cobra kai but... they just dont. weird. 
especially when, the FIRST SCENE they see each other, suposedly in 30+ years, the first thing to come out of daniels mouth is QUOTE "u still got those golden locks huh?" WHO SAYS SHIT LIKE THAT DANIEL FUCKING SAN 
also amandas immediate reaction "your pretty boy rival?" like. can we talk about the fact that daniel had to have imparted to his wife the very important information that his high school bully/karate rival was like Really Cute and Fucking Hot Actually
 the writers Knew exactly what they were doing and honestly.............. power to them
tkk director voice: and billy was just so cute  
also I was thinking that daniel sounded strangely fond in that first scene, and i wonder if he developed a weird affection for johnny on the grounds that of all of his Karate Rivals johnny was actually the only one who didn’t actively tried to literally kill him
i was actually delightedly surprised with how great the chemistry between them is, like from the get go i am Invested. their rl friendship totally bleeds through and its fantastic
. granted, idiots enemies to lovers friends is my Thing so i am biased  
johnny lawrence: i am down in the dumps, i fucked up my whole life and my sons probably, largely in light of the trauma that the father figure sensei and the philosophy of my karate inflicted on me and all my friends. u know what i should do, as a traumatized, unreliable mess of an adult? teach that same philosophy to some other kids! what could go wrong! 
but really i enjoy the setup of it. i kinda like that i watched it late because, season 1 was johnny setting himself up for failure in a way and it was exciting to watch it all go to shit sjfn
Like. his heart might be in the right place, but theres just.... not a way to teach something like ‘strike hard, no mercy’ and not have it fuck up a kid 
case and point: aisha, miguel and hawk become annoying as all hell over that bullshit in the end of s1, even before shit gets truly fucked up
billys subtle panicked eyes when he sees hawk and miguel fighting dirty in the all valley was SO GOOD especially in parallel with the panic that is so visible in his face in the movie when kreese tells bobby to injure daniel and in the sweep the leg scene 
seen people question wether kreese should have returned and i absolutely think he needed to. johnny needed to realize that cobra kais fundamentals are flawed, at the root, beyond kreese himself being a toxic piece of shit 
also who are we kidding? we are here to see the tkk characters play on new playgrounds!
i get what they're doing abt kreeses backstory, ( also. cobra kai. pq eles caem nas cobras djjs sorry) but did it need to take up that much time? feels like they couldve  done it in half the run time and developed some other stories better 
martin kove has such an evil eye. i love it
love that we get a good follow up to kreese breaks johnnys trophy and tries to CHOKE HIM in the parking lot, which happened in the movie and then....................... was never mentioned again
“the gang is all back together again” aaaa u piece of SHIT 
also. terry silver is definetely appearing ha ha ha PAIN i cant wait
seen ppl say kreese was too much of a cartoon villain like..........................oh......... sweetie........... u dont even Know
interested how johnny will fit into that bc kreese was simping rly hard for johnny here. like i did not expect him to be so adamant to have him with cobra kai ... under his control, sure, but he really wants johnny by his side despite already having control of the dojo and how will terry silver self appointed jon kreeses forever simp going to feel abt that? 
like bitchs dropping by every episode like ‘joooooohnny ..... come bacc to me joooonny......... this ur last warning! for real this time johnny! i wont say it again! watch me ! im leaving johnny! im rly leaving ! im dragging a chair” and johnny is just like. dont let the door hit ya bitch it was so funny pls
and on that subject oof, johnny! doesnt! Know! he doesnt get that side of daniels cobra kai trauma. and i kind of.............. cannot wait for ck 2021 johnny lawrence to meet terry silver like. what a shit show i need a front row seat and popcorn (imagine terry tries some greasy charm and johnny just roundhouse kicks him in the teeth bc he just doest Not Have the Patience for This. glorious)
feels like we, as a society, should acknowledge that cobra kai will never die................ bc their sense of design is just chefs kiss. their name is COBRA KAI. they have sexie sleeveless black gis. theyve sneks. colorful leather jackets with embroided naja insignia, the get ppl thru the aesthetics. evil geniuses
the flashback cuts : masterpiece behavior
the other takes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! of the movie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! the differente angles!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! of the FIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THE CLOSE UP ON JOHNNYS FACE AT THE KICK 
that scene of daniel and johnny vibing to 80s music in the car. just. oh my god. the fan wish fullfilment. no thoughts head empty.
the new characters! theyre .... good. but. idk. i really like miguel (save for the annoying phase mid s1 - end s2) and amanda, who is a damn riot and has some functioning braincells, but everyone else is       
like dont get me wrong, i dont hate anyone,its not a jane and rafael from jtv situation,  and i am interested and invested in their arcs, but i wouldnt say i like   Like them, as in, personality wise 
like, sams grappling with ptsd was rly gutting and i enjoyed that plus her slight rage issues, 
which nicely parallel torys rage issues. torys background is all over the place tho so im pretty on the fence abt her so far
robby deserves better in every way, and i like how smart and cunning and surprisingly sweet he is
hawk............... is there i guess,
 demetri is annoying in the best way possible,
 carmen is sweet but. i just feel like her character is blunted to make the johnny relationship easier. like when shes furious with him after miguels injury but then forgives him like an episode later? and then convinces him to fight for the tournament bc she had a karate epiphany off screen even tho she was always against it? meh. feels like with the plot thiccening she was swallowed and now shes like a crutch for johnny mora than anything, which is disappointing.
aisha was cool and im kinda mad she wasnt in s3, especially bc a storyline with her tory and sam was like RIGHT THERE , but also... cant say i was super super fond of her... doesnt feel like we ever spent enough time on her
moon the bi icon, 
overall its a good cast but the main draw for me remains the og cast 
the tory/sam miguel/robby Thing. enjoy how theyre Narrative Foils and i like how their stories were so dramatically entangled but oh god give me a break with the teenage love square for the love of god. if u gonna put us through that at least have the decency to not make it so straight
and honestly some sam/tory        miguel/robby romantic tension would even make more sense. just saying! 
also im not sure how i feel abt the cobra kai: red miyagi do: blue theyre going with since some of daniels most iconic looks in tkk are also red. like it was a color they (johnny and him) sorta shared. i get it, opposite but complementary but idk... a little too fire nation and water tribe for me .
 and like the cobra kai kids are so funny abt it bc their outifts grow progressively more ridiculously coordinated. its like do they group chat every morning before leaving their houses? 
robby still sticks out like that tho. he went thru an athleisure/daniel san tsleeves phase and now hes back in the bandts grunge, but his color scheme doesnt fully blend with the other cobra kais. hmmmm.
LOVED LOVED LOVED both the okinawa episode and the cobra kais easy rider episode just such good good heart aching fun
bobby is an icon. he was in tkk and he is now ck hope appears more and more
 tommy is like the most iconic background character. all his lines, freaking gold then and now. sigh :( 
the framing in the okinawa trip was so good everything was so good
i stand by the fact that kumiko was the love interest daniel had the most chemistry with and shes is overall such a joy to watch, loved to see her again, idola, fashion icon
also tkk ii is good u guys are just mean
also really enjoyed chozens role in the episode, his evolution; i love that they introduced the pressure points (ty lee the blueprint) and! the honk + karate! cousins! absolutely iconic
when kumiko reads mr miyagis letters........ oh my god, my eyes FILLED with tears, it was so heart wrenching :(( tamlyns delivery was so emotional and lovely and its so obvious everyone involved in ck has so much love and respect for pat morita and mr miyagi as character, and i adore that it exists like this electric current through the show
when we were watching i told my sister i thought that ali would be miguels big shot surgeon and ngl i am so disappointed that didnt happen. hire me cobra kai writers
also the johnny ali daniel amanda chemistry? off the charts
AND the sassy retconning of daniel and alis breakup! LMAO ‘I HOPE U DIDNT TELL MR MIYAGI IT WAS MY FAULT’ HFDJJGNKFKSD
i am preeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeetty sure back injuries dont work like that    but oke
daniel and johnny are so good together whenever, like they never actually help the kids or get shit done and end up fighting anyway but its just so much fun when theyre hanging
JOHNNY LAWRENCE AND DANIEL LARUSSO FIGHTING TOGETHER
daniels “plan” on how to get robby to juvie was so stupid. literally were u TRYING to make him hate you. dumbass
parents at those hearing rly brave for ppl that did not do ANYTHING as their kids got involved in a karate gang war until now
“bullshit i heard u were the real bully!” i mightve screeched
this s3 ending was SO DRAMATIC omg
everyone is such a MESS go to THERAPY u unhinged motherfckers
also im sorry but uh. a richass neighborhood in california doesnt have some type of neighborhood watch? the larussos rly dont have any security at all? neighbors wont hear the sound of a damn karate brawl happening next door??? also wasnt tory all like ooo i cant go to juvie, my mom yada yada yet shes always running around town getting into fights even at the rich girls house she was kicked out of school for fighting??   ?  ??    ??        ?                ?    ?          ??                  ?    ? girl??
stop destroying the larussos house, its so pretty :((((
sam finding her center looking at mr miyagis picture...  uwu maybe
robby yelling ‘U ARE WEAAK’@  johnny \as he is easily blocking him is like.... so funny and so sad to me. sweetheart. 
also i know it was meant as ‘oh johnny pushes him and HURTS HIM’ but it just looks like robby runs himself into the lockers and IM SO SORRY I FEEL SO BAD BUT IT WAS SO FUNNY 
i like that he and tory are the cobra kai kids now. we need ppl we care abt there to not revert to a good vs evil schtick, and this is the most engaging it could be... tho it hurts that these kids cant catch a break
ah yes "lets bet some real shit on the result of this teen karate tournament bc that is always a great idea" is BACK
so daniel saves johnny from kreese..... maybe johnny will save him from terry 🧐
and dojos unite ohohoho. lets SEE how that’ll work out 
miguels face of Despair when the ck defectors and the md kids are bickering like 'this is never gonna work' : gold
also. Johnny Lawrence is gonna learn some myiagi-do karate AHAAHSJAKDFH
 ive been waiting for this moment all my lifeeee oh lawrd 
final thoughts! there are def things i hope the writers will improve on the next season, but i am very excited for it either way AND i feel like it has made me enjoy the movies even more and that is a win for a reboot/sequel to me!!
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feraliix · 4 years ago
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i want to write a list of how menma feels about / how he think of each konoha genin / other characters
in fact im gonna do it right now thanks 💕
Sasuke - annoying, show off, extra annoying when he left, how does my brother even LIKE him, and finally, “OH! YOU THINK? YOU CAN TRY TO KILL MY BROTHER? SEVERAL TIMES? THEN COME AROUND AND SAY U WANNA BE HOKAGE LOLOLOLOL OK COOL, HOSHI HOLD MY MASK”
then it turns into “ew why do i have to tolerate your presence here, you tried to kill my brother like 8 times, why do i have to be civil with u rn”
Nicknames include: ugly , chicken butt , snake
Sakura - annoying, bully vibes, shallow princess vibes, really hated her when he was younger then it turned into “i am actively going to ignore you” in shippuden, then it turned into “oh... haha you? youre my doctor? AND my therapist?? ahaha.... oh no”
Nicknames include: punchy , pink cheeks , blossom , bold n’ brash , cherry , cherry bomb , simp
Ino - annoying for the same reasons as Sakura when they were little but it got better, he wont actively ignore her like he does Sakura - but he keeps his distance mostly bc he’s embarrassed he’s almost always buying hoshi flowers from her family and its EMBARRASSINGGGGG
Nicknames include: flowers
Shikamaru - vague respect, can’t rlly pin him bc he never had negative vibes like a lot of other ppl did but kinda just let menma and naruto vibe ykno? so he just * awkwardly pats shoulder * “thanks...?”
Nicknames include: sloth , shady , sneaker
Chouji - ‘oh god i hope he likes me he’s so nice to everyone else oh gods oh frick oh cheese n rice-‘ , chouji’s the one menma’s most affectionate abt bc chouji is literally so nice like.... menma feels emotionally safe w him mkay? Mkay cool ❤️
Nicknames include: swirls , rock n roll , dango
Kiba - ‘c,,,.. can i pet akamaru,,,,’ , wants to be friends with him but will never take the first step unless its to pet and play with akamaru
Nicknames include: keeb , mutt , sparky
Shino - BUGS R COOL, ‘can i see ur bugs I promise not to touch them i just wanna see’ 👁👄👁 he finds his silence and way of speaking neat and relatable, 10/10 would hang out with in silence
Nicknames include: bugsby , bugs , spidey ? , glasses
Hinata - finds her shyness also relatable, they’d probably both suffer with pickles on their burger that they didnt ask for in silence together - then menma would feel bad like ‘um... she asked for no pickles......’ and then hide in the bathroom for 10 minutes to calm down... 10/10 would also hang out with in calm silence
Nicknames include: violet , palms , kitten
Rock Lee - he might not like how loud he can be but also he appreciates how he treats naruto so that’s an A+ in his book! he just wished he could FIGHT HIM SOMETIME UGH!
Nicknames include: broccoli , jumpsuit , brows , knuckles
Tenten - her weapons are SO cool he wants to learn half the stuff she does, also wants to fight her sometime 👌🏽💯💯
Nicknames include: ten , knives , swords , metal
Neji - “KICK HIS ASS, NARUTO!” - menma, chuunin exams... wants to personally kick his ass too. Uhhh kinda shocked he chilled out in shipp, makes him go *cocks head curiously??* also wants 2 fight
Nicknames include: buttercup
Konohamaru - if naruto’s the one who goes *bonks him on the head with hand* menma is the one that goes *DROP KICKS HIM INTO THE SKY*
no but he holds mild affection for him
Nicknames include: brat , [any derogatory nickname tbh]
Sai - ‘LOL he keeps calling naruto’s pp smol- wait’ , on one hand he’s a brat but on the other hand, all menma sees is ample opportunity to freaking frick with this kid- “it’s actually incredibly rude to [insert common social thing], instead try [insert really not social thing]”
Nicknames include: paint , inky , midriff , dick
I think... i think thats all of em.... i feel like i missed someone but i dont know whegrheghwhshf
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autisticangus · 4 years ago
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anyway im so out of the loop on the mcelboys
i pretty much only keep semi-up to date with Sawbones at this point, not cuz i dont still LIKE everything else, just a lot has been goin on in my life
if anyone wants a long and rambly update on All Of The Bullshit im gonna stick a read more down here, asks are open and its cool to message me abt any of it if u want cuz i have some really nice and cool followers/mutuals here that make me comfy talkin abt that shit
as far as the future of this blog goes i wanna start using it more again! the mcelroys have gotten me out of some really dark places before so i hope having more connection to this community and the people here and their content again will help me like it has in the past! ill probs post more general mcelroy content here than previously rather than just taz btw i just gotta fuckin uhhhhh,,,, catch up on a bunch of shit again before this blog is even semi active lmaoo but im like alive and on tumblr regularly again!!
Wow u clicked on this and wanna hear me talk? Ur awesome and sweet, thanks for caring!
These past two years have been extraordinarily tough. This is gonna be a pretty long and detailed post that deals with the sensitive topics of emotional abuse, abusive relationships, and alcoholism. Please read on with caution.
Back in March of 2019, so this was about 3-4 months after i left tumblr, I got a new boyfriend and things started out really good, he was kind of a "bad boy" and it was fun at first. Im kind of a goody-goody so it was very interesting for me at first to be with someone so different who had such different life experiences than me. I liked hearing his stories of living in a traphouse, and running with gangs, and selling drugs, and knowing people who had killed people. I assumed a LOT of it was lies, obviously, who just brags about that shit u know? I just rolled with it, didnt take it seriously, and found the imagined scenarios interesting to listen to. So much of it was obviously played up to make him seem cooler, and I shouldve seen that as the red flag it was, and all my friends did but I didnt. 
He had a serious alcohol problem, I mean I had coffee in the morning and he had 2 four lokos before noon. it was bad. about 6 months into the relationship he decided i was cheating on him with my ex who i had recently reconnected with, we missed being friends and things were really going well talking and being friends again, he was really important to me! but my boyfriend saw this as yet another thing i was doing wrong. when he decided i was cheating, that become his focus of alcoholic rage. nearly every time he got drunk, which was several times a week, he would accuse me of things, he would yell and scream, he would call me horrible names and make me cry for literal hours, he never hit me but that shouldnt even matter, i was emotionally battered and mentally bruised and everything hurt. he gaslit me into believing i said and did things i never said or did, i admitted to things that were not real, and then i was yelled at for admitting them. i didnt know what to do.
he was threatening my ex too, he would get drunk and say he knew where he lived (he didnt) or he knew what car he drove (he didnt) and explained to me many times that although he had never killed someone, people had been killed before at his command. he said a bullet in the back of my ex’s brain was just a phone call and $500 away. somedays he would tell me he was just going to do it himself, with a hammer, or a kitchen knife, or whatever weapon he could get his hands on during his explanation of how he would do it. my only option was to agree, to say it didnt matter to me what happened to him, i had to pretend my on
/ly concern was him going to jail for the crime, if i showed any sign that i didn’t want my ex murdered, it clearly meant i was cheating on him. 
i pretended to block my ex on social media to get him off my back and it worked a little bit but he still brought it up. and even if he didnt directly mention him, he would always tell me when he was drunk that i was the cause of all his problems, i was why he was so self conscious, i was why he drank so much, i was why he had to work so hard, i was why every single issue he had was happening. logically i knew it was wrong, but i was so conditioned to it by then that i just went with it. i knew that agreeing and apologizing made the fighting end quicker.
things spiraled this past summer. his job needed us to relocate so we moved like 4 states away, away from all my family and friends, and lived in a tiny hotel room for a month. during this time, his drinking was somehow worse. he was drunk literally every night but he was passing out so we didnt fight and i was relieved. i was depressed being stuck in the hotel room all day alone, but thankful i wasnt being abused at least. then he started getting into drunken fistfights with his coworkers in the hotel parking lot. one day he came home just in time to find one of his drunk coworkers trying to break into the room with me there desperately trying to keep him out. i was terrified and wanted to go home but he convinced me to stay. a couple weeks after that we travelled for his work again several more states away. his drinking got a little bit better here, but i was so depressed and lonely, i was so isolated, he was all i saw day in and day out besides his coworkers and i was nervous around them. one day the guy who tried to break in on me, purposefully, while drunk, hit another coworkers car and totaled it and tried to run the guy over and i saw the whole thing. a week later my boyfriend was also fired because he got so drunk he passed out in the hotel parking lot and the company needed to save face with the hotel after the whole car incident. 
so we travelled back home, but not my home, to his where we lived isolated on a mountain with no phone signal or wifi. the house was old and not well kept from being empty for several years, half the appliances didnt work. i was more isolated than i have ever been in my life. for 4 months i stayed there and just dreaded him coming home because i knew he would be drunk again and he'd yell or accuse me of things or otherwise belittle me. it was horrible. my friends all said to leave and my parents said to leave but i was so brainwashed into thinking that if i was just a good little housewife and if i just stayed home and did the dishes and the laundry that he would be nicer but he still found things to point at and say i was cheating. he was also becoming really controlling about my food intake and weight and i already struggle with an eating disorder so that just made me feel even more like i had to stay, my brain felt like if i wasnt under his watchful eye id gain weight again, like somehow it was thanks to him i had lost weight and not my own choices.
one day last week i expressed to him wanting to leave, saying how unhappy i was, i told him how sad i felt and how i didnt think we were such a good match. he didnt take me seriously, so the next day when he got sloppy drunk before 5 pm i packed a small bag and went to my moms. i was just gonna stay for a night or two but he called and screamed at me for leaving without telling him, i told him he just didnt remember me telling him because he was so drunk, and he accused me of not caring about his feelings and made me sound like the bad guy for leaving without his permission. i told him it was just for a few days but the angrier he got the more i knew i was in the right and told him i was done. i told him we were breaking up and id come get my stuff soon.
i got my stuff while he was at work this past weekend and moved in with my best friend. im safe and happy now. things are looking so much better for me and im so thankful to my friends and family who supported me all the way to the end.
i just wanted to make this post because, i know its not mcelroy related, and a lot of ppl probably dont care for stuff like this on this kind of blog, but i think its important.
its important to friends and family of people in abusive relationships to be steady. dont give up your ground. even if the person keeps pushing back and wont leave the person, keep being there for them, it can take a long time, it took me almost 2 years to leave, it takes some people even longer, but just stay there for them and be there for them when they finally make that step. dont give up on them.
and to those who have been in these kinds of relationships, and especially those who are there right now: it is not your fault. it is so, so hard to leave, i know, but please try to find help and support and resources to do it. if all your friends dont like someone, theres a good reason for it. please dont fall into the trap of thinking your friends dont have the best intentions for you. there are so many things you may overlook in the moment that others can see from a mile away are horrible. especially if you have been abused in the past. its incredibly hard to tell what is a red flag when your gut instinct is that anything and everything is a red flag. surround yourself with people who you can trust and listen to them
and trust me, i know how hard it is when youre stuck in that spot of KNOWING you should go but fearing that first step away. its scary. its difficult. but it is worth it. find someone safe you can be with. and if you arent sure, find a reason to leave for just a few days, an excuse, anything. give yourself space from the abuser, tell yourself youre going back in a couple days, just get out from under the thumb long enough to clear your head and things will make more sense with the fog lifted.
when i first got in my car and put my kitten on my lap and told her we were going to my moms for a couple nights, i didnt know if that was the truth. i planned to come back and i knew i didnt want to. i only took enough stuff for a couple days. i couldnt imagine my life changing so drastically. where would i live? how would i make money? who take care of me? i had no clue about any of those things. but after a couple days away I realized i would take care of me. i remembered that i had worked jobs before i was with him, i could do it again. i remembered that i had options of where to live. all of those things were so clouded when i was with him, they felt like impossibilities. once i was away, even just for a short time, things were so much easier to parse.
and i know i had many privileges in this journey not everyone is afforded, and my heart goes out to those who read this and are in this situation and the options i had just arent accessible to you, i am so sorry, i wish i had something more to offer you but all i have is my story, and a wish that it gives you some hope at the very least, and a promise that if you need someone to talk to, im here, i will listen, and you will be heard and loved.
i just want everyone who reads to take something small but important away from it. love your friends, love yourself. please stay safe. please dont give up. remember love should not hurt.
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phantomqueen · 4 years ago
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Now that you're done with the untamed I gotta share that my personal Wei Wuxian song in my brain is Control by Halsey and it makes me kinda lose it. Also, favorite character/parts??
unfortunately i stan wen qing forever. i LOVE her and shes doing FINE
and ofc i love grandmaster of being a gremlin wei wuxian himself...he simply wont shut up and i respect that. and i love lan wangji. and lan sizhui. jiang cheng...maybe needed to chill but there is a special place in my heart for him. ULTIMATE favorite character is probably...lil apple.
putting my fav parts under a cut. its 50 whole episodes, i got a lot of fav parts (also dont wanna potentially spoil any of my friends who are still watching/plan to watch)
- wei wuxian painting the rabbit lantern for lan wangji and lan wangji’s lil smile...
- the entire part of wei wuxian just chillin at the burial mounds with his like, lil commune of former wen sect civilians. he just WANTED TO CHILL!!! his & wen qing’s friendship gave me life, she was a good combination of being kind but also not taking his bullshit lmao. any part w yuan...good shit.
- not putting it in detail but you’ll know; but the entire second half of the final episode just rly fucking got to me. that last scene..
- lan wangji on the steps of carp tower pledging to stay by wei wuxian’s side while they’re surrounded by ppl pointing swords at them...dare i say peak romance
- any instance of wei wuxian & jiang cheng antagonizing each other
- the short-lived wen qing/jiang cheng vibes...im ngl i Felt that.
- wei wuxian & lan wangji petting rabbits 🥺
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horansqueen · 6 years ago
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BabyGirl 9.0
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NOTES:
♥ this is based on a concept i received a few weeks ago and ppl asked that i made a story with it. ♥ i planned 3-4 long parts but i think it’ll be 8-10 short parts ♥ 3.4k. fluff. ♥ there may be smut but i doubt it and IF it happens it wont be as explicit as my other smut works. ♥ i didn’t proofread and if you read my stuff you know i never do because im a lazy ass. ♥ i hope some of you still enjoy this! let me know! ♥ if you have any questions please dont hesitate.
♥ PART 1  // PART 2 // PART 3  // PART 4 // PART 5 // PART 6 // PART 7 // PART 8
                     9.0  HESITATIONS & OREOS
HIM
I had no idea what made me propose that but although my mind was fighting hard against it, this time, my heart won. She stared at me, blinking a few times, probably wondering what my words meant exactly, and what they implied. I was asking myself the same thing but it seemed like I couldn't concentrate. All I could hear were the hard beatings of my heart against my rib cage. It echoed all over my body, making it throb and making nervousness spread inside me. I wanted her to say yes, I wanted her to stay with me, even if I knew it was dangerous, but at the same time, i knew the right answer was to refuse.
Despite everything Louis had told me, I still was not sure our feelings were real anymore. I didn't know if the relationship we could start would be as deep and intense as it used to be, and I was not sure it was the right thing to do for Chelsea. It made me realize that my daughter's happiness was now the most important thing for me, and I was ready to let go of things I wanted if it meant keeping her from hurting. That evidence hit me hard and I moved back slightly like someone had slapped me hard.
"You know what, maybe it's not a good idea after all."
The words escaped my lips and I regretted them as soon as I heard them. I found her eyes with mine and she frowned, nodding slowly and licking her lips. I had done it again, I had hurt her, and i cursed at myself mentally. Every single time I took a step forward with her, I ended up taking two steps back, making things even harder between us.
"I mean, no, you can stay." I corrected myself quickly. "The room where Chelsea is sleeping has a king size bed, so you two can share it."
She didn't even try to hide it, her face twisted into a sad expression and she nodded, sending me a fake smile. She kept quiet, and silence fell between us. I thought about the kiss we shared only a few minutes ago, and my heart skipped a beat. It was incredible how her lips seemed to fit perfectly with mine, how this damn kiss seemed like a choreography we had rehearsed for years, how every time my mouth left hers, I seemed to feel completely empty. I wanted to reach for her, bring my hands on her cheeks to cup her face, if only to feel my skin against hers.
I shut my eyes tight for a few seconds and opened them again. She was playing with her fingers nervously, her leg shaking and her gaze fixing the floor, like she was lost in her thoughts. I wish we could share how we felt, but we were both a bit confused and I couldn't seem to put into words all the emotions invading me. I was never really good with expressing my feelings unless it was in a song, but it's been even worse in the past few days. It probably didn't help that I kept backing away after showing her affection and even if I was having a hard time, it still was not an excuse to play yo-yo with her.
I suddenly felt extremely guilty and licked my lips, reaching out to grab her fingers with mine. It seemed to startle her and her head raised up before her eyes met mine again.
"Come on." I let out very gently with a small head movement.
She didn't ask anything, she simply got up and followed me to the kitchen, bringing her empty glass with her when I grabbed my beer. She put her glass on the isle and leaned against it, her fingers brushing on the marble of the counter. I felt my heart twist at her sight, trying to push away all the romantic thoughts that rushed to my brain.
My heart jumped in my chest when I noticed something on the counter and held my breath, walking to it. It lay in my hand, the cold metal burning the palm of my hand. Louis had told me that he had left something for me in the kitchen, but I didn't expect it to be the silver heart I had thrown away before the party he dragged me to. I stared at it, blinking a few times, before quickly slipping it in my pocket. I took a deep breath, happy that it was not lost forever, even if I didn't want to admit it to myself.
"Are you alright?"
I looked back at my ex girlfriend and sent her a smile and a nod to reassure her. I grabbed the bottle of wine from the fridge and poured her an other glass. She stared at it, making it turn around with two of her fingers while I took an other sip of my beer, emptying it quickly.
"Hungry?"
She raised her head as I walked to the pantry, reaching up to grab a box of cookies and coming back to her, placing it next to her glass as I leaned on the isle too, right next to her. I watched as her lips curled and she chuckled, looking up at me. I noticed I was closer to her than I thought but I fought my first instinct and remained motionless instead to back away again.
"Wine, cookies... you're a real diet breaker, Niall Horan, did you know that?"
I stared at her some seconds before answering.
"You haven't seen anything, I ordered pizza earlier." I pointed out with a smirk, making her laugh. "There's some left if you're interested."
Her smile turned into a fonder one and mine did too. She took her glass and brought it to her lips, making my gaze move to her mouth as she took a sip. If only I didn't feel that strongly about her, perhaps it wouldn't be as confusing.
"No thanks." she finally replied. "Cookies are good."
I knew she had a sweet tooth and I smiled more, opening the box and giving her an oreo cookie. She grabbed it and twisted it, separating both cookies before letting her tongue gather all the cream on one until there was only the cookie left. I laughed and rolled my eyes as she handed it to me, making me grimace.
"There's no way I'm eating that," I admitted with a laugh. "It's full of your spit. You literally licked all of it."
"It's the cookies you prefer though, right? And I prefer the cream. It's called sharing." she joked with an other chuckle. "Besides, you kissed me earlier, did you think it was nasty?"
She stared at me with a daring smile as my eyes traveled from her eyes to her lips and back to her eyes.
"That's different." I whispered. "You know it."
She licked her lips and this time, it made my heart skip a beat. It was crazy the effect she had on me and it bothered me.
"But did you think it was nasty?"
I smiled more and laughed, my hand reaching her way as I touched the top of her hand with the tip of my fingers. It sent an electric shock all over my body and I could swear I saw her shiver.
"Of course not."
"I dare you to do it." she let out, playing with the cookie in her hand, her gaze still dived in mine.
I felt my heartbeats accelerate and held my breath as we looked at each other intensely. Time seemed to be suspended and my fingers stopped moving on top of her hand. My lips parted slightly and I finally inhaled, filling my lungs with air but also courage. I had to stop fighting against what I wanted, I had to stop over-analyzing every single action I made. It was not easy for me, I was used to check my every move, to choose my words carefully, to make sure I let out enough but not too much, that I reacted exactly the way I was supposed to...
Without thinking, I moved closer quickly and pushed my lips against hers. She jumped slightly but I wrapped my arms around her, pulling her closer, and she finally relaxed against me, allowing me to kiss her deeper. This time, our kiss was more impatient, and way more passionate. I held her body flush against mine, enjoying the burning sensation it procured me, and when I finally broke the kiss, I kept my forehead pressed against her, opening my eyes slowly. I met her gaze and we smiled, chuckling again and she nibbled on her bottom lip for a few seconds.
"I meant, I dare you to eat the cookie." she explained with a short and low laugh, making me smile more.
"I know."
We remained like that for a few minutes before I loosened my embrace and she sighed, reaching for her glass and taking a long sip from it, making me laugh again. I grabbed the cookie on the counter and put it completely in my mouth, chewing on it and swallowing it quickly. She rolled her eyes with a grin and shook her head before to hand be the other half.
"Still hungry?"
I glanced at the cookie in her hand as she shook it to catch my attention but finally looked back up at her. She was pretty, and the way she smiled made me want to be close to her, physically, and emotionally.
"I bought wine just for you, in case you'd come here." I randomly let out.
She immediately stopped wiggling the cookie and looked at me, surprised. I breathed in and sighed, looking down at her hand and taking the cookie gently from her fingers, putting it away.
"And I kept buying oreo cookies because it reminds me of you." I confessed, feeling my heart jump up my throat. "I never really forgot you, or got over you. I just pushed the memories away."
She kept silent, swallowing hard but pressing her lips together. I didn't know if it was to stop herself from talking, or from crying, but I just shook my head.
"See? I contradict myself all the time." I scoffed, feeling ridiculous and shaking my head. "I did all I could to stop thinking about you, yet I kept buying these cookies that made me think of you. It's exactly like right now. I kiss you and back away, when in reality I just want to bring you to my room. I invite you for the night and take it back but what I actually want is to have you in my life. And not just as the mother of my kid but as my girlfriend."
HER
His self-critical tirade left me voiceless. It was the last thing I expected and I felt slightly dizzy from his avowal mixed with the two glasses of wine I had swallowed. I backed away slightly, as if to get an overview of the whole situation, but I was not sure the words he spoke had really sank it yet.
"What do... what do you mean, Niall?"
He turned around, his back facing me, and moved his hand in his hair, pulling on it slightly and letting out a sigh. I watched him, remaining motionless but feeling my heart beat so hard in my chest that the sound echoed all over my body.
I didn't want him to stop talking. I wanted to hear his voice over and over again. I wanted to listen to his words for a million times, until I could really grasp them and let them invade all of me. If I could, I would record him, just to close my eyes and play his confession all night.
"I don't know, I don't know what i'm saying."
Slowly, he turned my way, his hand still in his hair, and his eyes moved up to meet mine. I held my breath as he took a step closer and shook his head.
"I know what I want, but I don't know what I should do."
"Why don't you do what you want to do." I let out very low, tilting my head and frowning slightly. "You ever heard of the saying 'just follow your heart'?"
He chuckled and shut his eyes tight for a few seconds before opening them. He became serious again and just shrugged.
"I know you're that kind of person but I'm not. I can't be."
Obviously, I had no idea what he was going though or what his life was like, but what kind of regrets is he going to have in fifty years from now?
"I can't pretend I understand," I started, moving closer and holding myself on the isle. " But I respect that. You have a very different life than mine."
He stares at me again, letting his arm fall back on the side of his body, and I let my eyes wander on him. He grew up and changed. He was not the skinny kid I used to date, and I felt sorry I didn't get the chance to watch him turn into the man he became.
"That's the problem." he admitted so low I barely heard him. "I want my life and yours to be similar."
I felt my lips curl into a small but fond smile.
"We have Chelsea," I mentioned. "That means we're linked forever."
His eyes roamed on my face and he put his hand on the isle too. I glanced at it and breathed in, desperate to be closer to him again.
"I'm very happy about my new title, I love being Chelsea's dad, way more than I thought I would at first." he professed, bending slightly and making me look up to follow his eyes. "But I want us to be linked in many other ways. I just don't know if it's really what we should do, I don't know if it's the good thing to do for Chelsea."
It took me a few seconds but I finally nodded slowly at his comment. I felt my heart twist in my chest knowing he cared about our daughter's well-being before his own, since making her my priority was something I did ever since I found out I was pregnant.
"She asked me if I was her new father."
My lips curled at his words and I chuckled, my gaze never leaving his.
"What did you say?"
He shrugged, licking his lips and I did the same without thinking.
"You know me, I eluded the question with an other question."
This time, I let out a laugh that made his smile grow. I brought my hand slowly to his chest and gripped his shirt lightly, shaking my head. There are so many questions I wanted to ask him myself without daring to, but I was not surprised my daughter had more guts than I did.
"Well done." I simply said. "But one day, we're gonna have to answer it. You're lucky she didn't insist."
I felt his fingers over mine on the counter but didn't have the courage to look at our hands. At that point, I didn't care about anything else but what he was going to do next.
"I know." he whispered, his face so close to mine I could feel his warm breath on my skin.
"Okay."
He bent closer and I swallowed, keeping my eyes open until his lips pressed against mine once again. I gripped his shirt harder and pulled him to me a bit rougher than I intended, making him chuckle against my mouth.
"How about we take things slow but without telling Chelsea?" he breathed, his lips brushing against mine as he talked.
"Okay."
I swallowed my emotions and cleared my throat, knowing my voice was about to crack. I knew why he didn't want to tell our daughter yet, and I knew he was right, but trying again with him was something I desperately wanted. I was scared, probably even more than he was, and there was no way I wanted to risk hurting Chelsea with this.
He kissed me again. It was a simple kiss, but it made an ecstatic sensation run through my body and I didn't deepen the kiss this time, in fear of ruining it. It took me a while but I finally let go of his shirt. He moved back a bit to look in my eyes and I sent him a large smile that he sent back.
I grabbed my glass and downed it completely, making him laugh. He took it and brought it to the sink.
"Enough for tonight, are you tired?" he asked. I shook my head and he just nodded. "Alright, maybe we can listen to music in the living room?"
I waited until he was sitting down and he patted the seat next to him. I sat down and immediately, his arm moved around my shoulders. The intense feeling that invaded me was almost unknown but after searching in my memory, I realized that the only times I ever felt like that was when I was with Niall.
He used his phone to put music on the tv and I smiled when it filled the entire room. I leaned my head on the couch and closed my eyes until I heard a chuckle next to me. I turned my head in his direction and opened my eyes, raising my eyebrows.
"What?"
"You and Chelsea, you're both so..." he let out, shaking his head. "I don't know, you two have the same expressions, you do the same faces, and you react the same."
I laughed too and shrugged, closing my eyes again.
"We've been doing almost everything together for five years now, I guess you develop similar habits and reactions."
I couldn't tell him how bad I wanted him to be a part of us, a part of what we had. I would gladly let him join us and I was sure Chelsea already had feelings for him. She had such a big heart and Niall was so easy to love.
"Chelsea is gonna need new clothes," I started, feeling him shift slightly on his seat.
"Oh, yea, sure, I can pay for her stuff."
His response made a laugh escape my lips and my eyes fluttered open, waiting until he looked back at me.
"No, I'm not asking for your money, Nee." I explained with a grin. "I was wondering if you wanted to come with us."
He stared at me, blinking a few times, amusing me even more.
"The mall? You, me, and Chelsea? Tomorrow?"
His expression changed and he seemed surprised.
"Oh, yes, of course."
I sat up and turned my body to him, glancing at his lap and bringing one of my hands on his thigh. I had no idea why I needed to touch him so bad, but it was stronger than me. I felt bad until he moved his arm from the back of the couch to bring me closer to him. My lips found his easily and I brought both of my hands on his cheeks to cup his face.
"I know it's probably not your favorite activity, but Chelsea loves shopping." I mentioned. "She also loved trying out clothes, so I hope you're patient."
He laughed and I did the same.
"I'm ready. Bring it."
I felt my heart soften and he pulled me with him as he lied down. His body felt so good against mine and I inhaled deeply, closing my eyes and wrapping my arm around him. I didn't want to move ever again, I just wanted to stay close to him forever. He smelled exactly the way I remembered, a mix of his expensive cologne and his unique body scent. The heat of his body warmed mine and it calmed me in a way I couldn't explain.
"I think I'm gonna spend the night here, after all."
He chuckled and I pushed myself harder on him, feeling suddenly incredibly tired.
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I'm ftm (pre everything) and am in choir but I also want to sing and maybe pursue it later but if I go on hormones then I'm afraid I won’t be able to. Advice?
Lee says:
I like singing, how will T affect my voice?
We can’t tell you what will happen to your voice- people tend to be able to sing well (once their voice is done changing!) if they could sing well before, but there are instances of people losing their singing voices.
We’ve anecdotally heard of some people on T being able to keep their high notes, but it’s much more likely that you lose your high notes as your vocal cords thicken. 
T will most likely deepen your voice so your range will change, but as long as you continue to practice and don’t overwork your voice into notes you cannot reach anymore your singing voice probably will be okay- different, but okay.
But we can’t guarantee this, and it’s your decision whether testosterone and passing/being comfortable in your body are worth the risks of losing your singing voice for you.
This post has a bit more on singing
The Changing Female-To-Male (FTM) Voice
The Changing Female-To-Male (FTM) Voice Pedagogical Notes 
Testosterone And The Trans Male Singing Voice
Training the Transgender Singer: Finding the Voice Inside
Followers, any examples of trans singers on T for us to add? Or any personal experiences to add on?Followers, any personal experiences to add?
Followers say:
aeolianchemistry said: have a lot to say about this! i may not be the most coherent bc im half asleep lol, but anyone feel free to message me about this anytime and ask for more details!,
this was my biggest Thing when i was deciding to pursue hrt. ive been in various choirs for years, and its a very Important part of my life. but also my voice was my #1 source of dysphoria, and the #1 thing i needed to change. i searched for weeks to find anything about what to expect from hrt as a singer, esp bc ive heard stories of trans ppl losing their siging voice entirely. i was terrified, and couldnt find resources to shed any significant light on the topic.
and so, in no particular order bc im half asleep, here are some things to expect and things that i’ve experienced so far (almost six months on hrt):
- practice while your voice is dropping! feel it out every step of the way. get to know your voice while it’s changing, and try to maintain those high notes. i didnt do a v good job of this and my high range kinda just shriveled up. i cant be sure that it wouldve been hugely different if id practiced more, but ive heard it does help
- yoir voice will feel different. unfamiliar at times. you wont be using it the same way youre used to. technique will change, placement will change
- my speaking voice shifted downward after just a month or two (i had mild hyperandrogynism before, so this wont be as quick for everyone), before my singing voice did. i didn’t start getting new low range until later, but within my pre-t vocal range, my voice just sat a bit lower than it used to. my low alto filled out more. than i started getting new notes, slowly
- there will be periods of time where it cracks or breaks or is unreliable. dont push it, but dont despair either. keep practicing as well as you can
- my voice is somewhat fragile. if i yell (which i can only somewhat do currently) or push it or force it thru cracks/breaks/weak spots, it will get tired easily and take quite a while to recover. be nice to your voice. dont push high notes if they cause strain. dont push the low notes either, even tho im sure youre excited about them
- your voice will be weak while it’s shifting. this can cause frustration and anxiety. i’m two months into my choir season singing w two and a half choirs, and i’m dealing w lots of Complicated Feelings bc my voice just cant do all the things i want it to. i cant project much, and i certainly dont have the strength (yet) to audition for any of the solos i’d like to. Patience
- the Weird Spots and the Weak Spots will continue to shift around. i have this one area in the middle of my range (currently its about Ab3-B3, but a few weeks ago it was B3-C4) where its weird and weak and its kind of like a break in register but also a bit like a black hole, bc i Cannot Project there and theres no good placement for singing those notes, and notes in the vicinity of those are also Weird but Less So. it’s slowly sliding downwards, and i am learning to navigate it better. i’m hoping it will settle and go away soon, but we’ll see
- breath support is v important. as mentioned, your voice may be quite fragile, and putting strain on it could cause it to glitch out on you for a while. supporting your voice w lots of breath will put less demand on your vocal chords
- NEVER SING IN A BINDER or compressive garment. you need those lungs!
- you’re going to miss out on some of the nostalgic singalongs of old choir songs, bc you no longer have the range to sing your old parts. this is possibly the #1 consequence of transitioning that im the most sad about lol
- i have a very weird quality to my high range rn. it seems to be caught midway between the head voice it used to be and future falsetto or whatever it’s moving toward. for now its just Strange to listen to
the current state of my voice is this:
low range is down to almost the bottom of the bass clef. i can sing down to Bb2, A2 on a good day.
from there up to F3ish is quite comfy and possibly the strongest part of my singing voice, but i do find that if i spend too much time down there it can strain the rest of my range (i used to have this problem before too: if i sang in my low alto range too much or too enthusiastically, my sop range would get tired).
from G3-C4, it’s Awkward. the Awkwardness shifts around, and some parts of it can be more comfy than others sometimes, but it’s all v inconsistent. i cant project much here, and placement is veryvery Weird.
D4-F4ish is typically comfy but has a bit of that Strange quality to it. these notes are a bit floaty, but not bad.
G4-B4 are unreliable. somedays i can get up there. some days it’ll blink out or crack or break or just Not Be There. i am predicting that once my high range settles into a proper falsetto, i’ll be able to work on this range more and it’ll have less of that Strange quality to it, but only time will tell
again, apologies for being Scattered, it’s 1am and ive had a long day. any of yall are welcome to message me for more details ☺
there is a lot of weirdness and weakness and Awkward in the transition period. but while i’m frustrated at times, i’m not worried. everything i’m dealing w is temporary. now i can’t be 100% sure how my voice will settle or when, but i’m not afraid i’ve lost it forever. as far as i’ve heard, the stories of trans ppl who lose their singing voice on t are very rare cases. youre going to go through weeks or months where singing is Weird in constantly shifting ways, but itll keep on moving and developing, and personally i’m so excited to see where it goes.
i’m currently singing tenor2 in my choirs, and occasionally i get to take a trip down and sing baritone. im not even 6months in! that has transformed my choir experience to be even better than before, even w all the awkwardness. it was so weird and beginning to get verg uncomfy to be in a place like choir, which is so important to me, which i love dearly, which has had a significant impact on my life, but which revolved around the use of my one most dysphoric feature. but now i don’t have to worry about that. now i can sing the parts i’ve been wanting to sing for years.
i do occasionally miss some of my old voice. i miss soaring soprano lines, i miss all the old alto parts in songs i used to know. i miss the confidence and strength of a familiar, complete voice. and im allowed to miss those, i dont feel bad about having that longing or sadness, bc i have zero regrets. i also occasionally miss playing with and styling my super long hair, but in five years i have not once regretted cutting it all off. i own those memories and that nostalgia, but i keep moving forward to new and better things
pinesboi said: If you keep working at your voice and take lessons to make sure you never let it get out of practice, everything should be okay. I’m on T now about 3-4 months, and I’m still singing high tenor musical theatre
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channie-fairy-chu · 6 years ago
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My thoughts on Zach Herron
So like maybe 2/170 ppl that follow me actually know who Why Dont We is, but I still have to put in my thoughts aboht Zach.
First of all, earlier this month, he got into some shit for saying the n word. Here are my thoughts on that...Although I am still a person of color and part of the lgbt+ community, I have never had any offensive words used at me or against me, so It is hard for me to speak about slurs. The n word does not personally offend me, but it greatly makes my black friends upset when it is used, even by other pocs. Zach, who is 100% white, said a greatly offensive slur. Although, he did not mean it in an offensive way, he said said a word that he had no business in saying. I have seen arguments saying "It's the song lyric" and "He just wanted to keep the song in its original form", no excuses for this should be made. It is not hard at all to just not say a word. Over half of the artists I listen to are black, and so learning the words to their songs, there are times when I, Guess what!, dont say the n word! It's crazy just how easy it is. It doesnt take away from the song at all and it saves white people from getting their ass beat. My sister told me that all of the black limelights were okay with him saying it and only the white limelights were getting mad, but I find that so fucking hard to even believe. Do you really think that blacks are just going to let a white boy get away with it? Really? Not in the year twenty woke teen, I dont think so. He didnt even acknowledge what he did, he just left social media and let the situation get worse. Again, my sister said she thought he was going to let it die down and the say sorry, but statements and apologies need to be made as soon as possible, otherwise you just seem like youre saying it to get people off yoir dick...maybe he really didnt care if he offended someone and just tried to ignore that it ever happened ☕🐸.
Second, the second situation in this month relating to Zach. Him using girls for sex. Now, listen, I am also 17, although I am not sexually active, I know tons of people who are. It is just that age where it will happen. I have no problem with him having as much sex as he wants, but these girls under no circumstance said that it was a hook up or said that he was allowed to be with other girls. If they had, then I doubt they would be risking their reputation as a person if it came out as a lie to tell people about what he did. Now, this is similar to celeb rape allegations. One person comes out, and then many more people come out. This leaves people asking "why didnt they say something when it happened?" Or the find it sus that all of the sudden, a bunch of people start claimimg the same thing. I understand that, but the fact that most people who accuse someone of rape get called a liar or get threatend by the rapist if they tell on them, I can understand why they wouldnt want people to know. And alot of times, victims tend to get the blame put on them and getting raped is seen as a shameful thing. The rapist rarely gets the blame and rape is rarely seen as shameful. I know that he (probably) didnt rape these girls, but the situation is the same. Fans would probably attack these girls if they ever said that Zach hooked up with them and used them as soon as it had happened. Thats the sad truth. Im proud of these girls for coming out and saying how Zach hurt them. Zach is probably going to do the same thing and just leave social media for a good while. He probably wont say sorry either. On a good note, mama Herron follows an account on twitter that spills tea about wdw and so she probably saw what was going on. My hope is that she will give him a punishment he deserves. Step in as a mother of a 17 year old boy. I hope she doesnt care about potentially ruining his career if he gets punished. He should have thought about his career before he cheated in those girls.
Ive always had a bad vibe with Zach since the first time I ever found Why Dont We...looks like I was right. My next mission is to get my delusional sister to see that just because he is famous, does not make him a good guy. Because she dismissed the fact that he said the n word. "I dont care if he said it. It doesnt hurt me any". My sister, a white person, does not get any say if another white person and use the n word. I am beyond mad and Im about to go have a chat with my sister, so lets hope she doesnt deffend him at all, otherwise I might actually go off and get her woke asf.
Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.
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moidse · 4 years ago
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bro-- long time no chat!!
things have been better good lately between me and the partner. a few weeks ago- well probably more than a month ago now... i read a tweet that hit me about loving someone fully-- i felt like i was holding back because they are moving away, and so i was shutting them off slowly to protect myself instead of loving them fully-- because i had already made the decision that we wont work out when they move, and i realized that isn’t true necessarily. the future is malleable. And plus reading their ish about me sending emails had me stop cuz i was like ah. lol. but idk i have been feeling like im in a new funk lately
I just miss having good sex. I feel very uncomfortable in my body. I’ve gained a decent amount of weight in the last 6 months and I feel significantly less attractive. I feel bad I’m not having good sex and I do not feel confident that I could attract someone and have better sex with where my body is right now. I also feel uncomfortable to be on camera because of my body weight and I am too big for my cute outfits from last year. I also partly feel like I gain more weight when im with someone and when im single i push myself more to be fit to attract people and to feel more confident going on dates. I almost think I need a pause from hanging out with my partner until I have my workout routine down and i’m taking it seriously, because I know going to their house and doing nothing isn’t what I want to be doing anymore. I want to be working out and losing weight. I want to be working on my creative projects. I want to be moving forward. I need to continue creating content. 
I am missing having good sex again. which is a feeling that seems to swing like a pendulum. it comes and goes every month or 2. The past few times has been me wanting to top and touch my partner and they were like okay i’m cool with that now. and even before that it was about them touching me and why wont the go down on me and then after i complained they just did it, even though before they said they were too nervous. And it is amazing to think of, in the past,, idk 6 months how far they’ve come. They literally didn’t even want to be naked around me, didn’t want me to touch them at all-- and for the first time recently they are asking me to touch them now... but it still doesn’t hit right.... like when i have sex with them the orgasms are soooo small... i cum harder when im alone. which is the sad truth. 
This has all made me better realize how sex is something very important to me in a relationship. I feel like at first I was hesitant to say something like that because I’ve had people in the past act as if all I care about is sex and i’m a fuck boy... which, sex isn’t the only thing I care about but it is something I do care about and matters to me when it comes to dating and there isn’t any thing wrong with that. It took me years to except my sexuality and I learned there is no reason to hide my sexual wants and desires and I feel like people have acted like im some super horny sex freak when I just learned not to be ashamed of my sexual desires, literally like how must white str8 men are, but because im perceived as a black woman, i’m the one who is being deviant.
It took me a long time to accept my sexuality, and then it took me even longer to accept my sexually kinky bdsm desires. It took me so long to learn that there isn’t any reason to be ashamed of wanting to be dominated. I’m allowed to be more masc presenting and be a bottom. Like i really was so embarrassed about that for so long-- probably because I hung out with only str8 white cis men who would find it embarrassing if they wanted to be dominated, because they can only be dominate in bed otherwise other people might judge them... anyways im so glad i do not hang with any str8 cis white boys anymore, they really had a bad influence on me when it came to my views on dating, sex, and women. they all talk about it like women are real people and i also was guilty of that. i’ve grown a lot since being in college. It was when i was half way through college i started accepting the fact that i like the idea of being sexually dominated. i like tall women. i love muscular women. i love people who are tops, dominate, who want to be called daddy. I love all that shit. and when i would mention it to my white str8 cis dude friends they would react in disgust. and honestly it taught me if ppl react that way to my sexual desires that have taken me so long to accept, then they have no space in my friend circles. im basically done being friends with str8 white cis people. they are exhausting to be friends with. 
but anyways, last year,,, ehhh it always feels like it was last year but i guess it was two years ago,, well partly last year.. idk ... anyways when i met o**** That relationship was the first time I was open with someone I was having sex with about being trans and my dysphoria and they honestly responded so well and fucked me in very affirming ways and it made me cry because i had never felt such joy before when having sex and feeling gender euphoria. 
I always thought that I didn’t want to be in a relationship that was like butch/femme when i was a baby dyke. I used to not want a  relationship that even resembled heterosexuality in anyway. but when i was with o**** i felt we had that dynamic of butch/femme. like when we went out it was clear who the “guy” in the relationship was and it was me. it was clear I was filling that role and they filled the other role and to my surprise i loved it. I loved having that dynamic. I loved going to the sex shop with them and the worker helping me get a masc harness and then assuming they want a femme one. I loved knowing that out in public people see me as the guy in the relationship-- because I want to be seen as a guy in general. Being with them opened up this whole side of gender euphoria I had never felt before. That relationship helped me better understand what I want and am looking for. Not to mention the sex was amazing, the best i’ve ever had. 
When we first started dating I would top them and it felt great and amazing. Then when I opened up and said I like to be dominated too, they just slide right into that roll with little to no hesitation. And then they started dominating and topping me and found that they really like it. It was the hottest sex I’ve ever had. I’ve always wanted to be dominated and having a dominate femme is so hot. My sexual dreams were finally coming true. And because things were so easy for us sexually I think I just assumed it would always be that way. 
Its unfortunate that o**** is such a manipulative person otherwise I’d still be talking to them/fucking them. I still think about approaching them with the idea of just having a sexual relationship and not romantic and see if they are interested. but now isn’t a good time with rona. but anyways, Things working out with us so well sexually I assumed that would just be how it is if I open up and share my wants and desires. I didn’t want to be dating o*** I just wanted to be dominated again and I had gotten it out of my system and they confessed that they still see me as the love of their life, which is the opposite of how I felt so it felt like things should end here. But lets be real, I str8 up dropped them, ghosted them, because I no longer needed their fuck because I had found someone new k****. As soon as k**** said they thought I was cute back I was like BINGO and I legit just dropped o****. I felt like a beast. I felt like a boss ass bitch. Like damn, I have never gotten back with someone to have a good time to just drop them once I found someone new that maybe has potential. 
But me feeling like a boss ass bitch came to a halt when like a day later or something k**** was like im really busy with pride and then im leaving for the summer. I was like wow great. I really didn’t want to take this L so I went out of my way to hit on them constantly at cpride as much as I could. Then I finally got them to agree to see be before they leave. it went well. then over the summer I was soooo anxious about every email. I just didn’t want them to lost interest in me and also it was hard to respond to their emails because they were boring lmao. I also was stressed because there was like zero flirting going on and every time i’d try to move the conversation there they would take two steps back. This made me even more insecure and not sure if they even liked me. And I made the stupid move of not trying to hit on anyone else out of fear of them coming back and me having to pick one or explain and shit. meanwhile they were dating other people. its so annoying. its so annoying that im the one not satisfied and they got to date and be with other people... but i guess thats just cuz no one else wanted to be with me......I was literally only okay with it cuz i thought s***** liked me and they didn’t... they lowkey played me... but also i should’ve taken the mixed signals as a no, but i wanted to believe it so bad, and it was confusing when they said they want to make out with me more. i thought i was in... oh well... it happens... it just sucks to be rejected. i always feel like the people i want the most never want me, or like the hottest people, cuz i didn’t really like them deeply just mostly sexually. it just sucked because they were giving me every thing k**** wasn’t. being lovey and affectionate towards me.... and we never fucked but they were very open about being a top and wanting to dom and so i was like *tongue out emoji* 
bleh... i just have been missing being dominated lately... i mean i fuckin had a dream about s***** topping me... askvask it was good in the dream....but there is something depressing about k***** having like zero daddy energy. like i really didn’t realize this was gonna happen... like i was str8 up gooped when they casually texted me saying they don’t fuck... i was like wait what?? i felt played that they waited months of us talking and emailing to say that. And I stuck by them cuz I had already formed an emotional bond-- but i’m realizing the tricky part about this is that like having to wait to have sex with someone,, like I never knew if we would be a sexual match and honestly neither did they but it wasn’t a deal breaker for them.. i just feel bad to like help them come out of their shell and feel autonomy with having sex for the first time and shit and for me to be like well you aren’t my type sexually. but it is the truth. they aren’t my type sexually. like the other day i mentioned wanting to be dommed and they were like i dont do that... and i was like ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.... i need to be more upfront and say im looking for a top/dom/daddy, or someone who switches and is down to play that way some of the time. cuz this none of the time shit stank. 
I mean, they look hot, don’t get me wrong. they look so good in their little body suits and they really make me wanna top them, but its like they have no confidence in being a bottom too. I feel like that’s why this shit really stank. at first they was like yeah i’ll touch you but dont touch me. But also I am not into being a top/dom. but also you can’t touch me so this is all you can get. Me, unenthusiastically rubbing you off. but now that they do let me touch them, it’s like i want the whole bottom experience. like shake ur tiny ass for me baby. run ur hands up and down ur bottom. show me how far you can stretch ur leg. I want a sloppy slutty bottom. I want them to shake their ass on my d and bend over for me. Tell me how good it feels. I want our sex to be so hot we can’t keep our hands off each other. We have phone sex and send voice memos because we just need to hear each other cum. I want them to want to ride my d. 
I feel this way every 2 months or so... idk what to do about it. I don’t want to break up with them and be alone. I do want to be having sex with someone else... I just dont have any prospects. 
lets hypothetically think about the idea of bringing up to them that I want to fuck other people. lets say we have that talk and they are okay with it. My worry is if i meet someone nice who fucks me good i will just leave k****. 
i just miss being topped and I dont think I will ever be sexually satisfied in the relationship I’m in and it’s just unfortunate because I was very patient with them and waiting like 8 months before I could even touch them and they seemed comfortable having sex with me and it’s like, waiting that long i was never sure if we were sexually compatible and we just aren’t. And i understand they mostly have been with asexual people and it hasn’t been an issue but i think this wouldn’t have happened if in the beginning we had a conversation about sex to see if we are sexually compatible. 
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68ejgppd-blog · 5 years ago
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survivorpanem · 8 years ago
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EPISODE 6 - “ERASE ME FROM THE WIKI” - RJ
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Constance went home and I'm honestly super happy about it. She got what she deserved :) Plain and simple.
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so basically I don't think I'm doing well in this game. The bonds I've made are superficial, I might make it to merge but then I'd get voted out as an easy target. Jaiden is getting way to far. He is a huge danger to my game. What I need to do is try and make myself in the middle of two alliances at least when it's merge time. I think I might be doing that with my connection with Jc and Isaac. Well here's hoping I have some luck
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Even though we won immunity, RJ got medevaced. I feel pretty mixed about this. I guess this means that I have safety for another round, guaranteed? I would have preferred Arma's tribal council to remain valid so those freaks had no other option but to vote someone off. Let's get to the final ten already!!!!!!
Regardless, this is probably a good thing. RJ wasn't really playing the game and I don't know how good he was going to be at keeping in contact with me. I attempted to smooth things over with him, but now he's out of the way. We're at final eleven and I'm kind of praying that we have one more round before the merge. If Occidere can win the next immunity, that means we'll merge with 5 each and I'm completely willing to go to the final 5 with these people on this tribe right now. It's all just up to them, honeslee!
Also, my position as "the easy vote" is super beneficial going into a merge with even numbers. I know that it's dangerous if Arma wants to eliminate an Occidere, but they're more likely to go after someone like Zack or JC. Sam G is the most likely to flip to Arma because I know she's got friends on that tribe, but I need to convince her that it's better working with Occidere because there's no way that JC and Zack can get to the finals if me/Sam B/her stick together as a solid three within the five.
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omg im so sorry @hosts for being so bad at making confessionals. honestly if yall let me submit confessionals in my skype chat we'd be having less PROBLEMS but i understand the efficiency of having all the confessionals in one place. hennyways i made the merge!!! thanks to a med evac lkjghsdlkgfj. honestly this game is looking up to be exactly like neverland but with more messy people tbh. i was an absolute MESS premerge as usual. idk why i just hate getting to know ppl and shit and im always insanely busy in the beginning of games. but the merge is usually when i can have fun and participate in some blindsides. rn i feel like my only "allies" are andrew and ryan. but honestly they are both keeping shit from me KLJFJKF i dont trust ANYONE and i'd prob write their names down if i had to. um who else is there. oh allison. this bitch is on my list. prob at the top of the list. bc she was throwing my name around at the last vote and im not okay with that. esp bc shes one of the people i talk to the most??? fake ass huh. JC seems to be playing everyone hoenstly hes trying to play me but i see past his fake ass messages. ill play up that i love him tho so he thinks he can manipulate me! ok theres sam from egypt and i think she honestly hates me. and also i trust no egypt players. none. shes gotta go asap! sam g is shareef's friend so i wanna work with her but ik shes dangerous so i wouldnt ever wanna go to the end with her. jaiden somehow made merge and hes a mess and unfortunately people group us together bc jaiden told ppl we were... i rly dont ..... anwywayyyyysss.... oh theres also zack who i rly like but we havent talked in awhile LKFJHFKLJ i hope were both just busy and we can rekindle our relationship and hopefully have a neverland f2. um everyone else is irrel tbh. also im convinced the idol is already found its been liek forever so that sucks. maybe theres a new one since it merged tho so i wont stop looking!!!!
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I can't believe I made merge without being in a single alliance! And I can't believe this is the second time I've said those words. Last time I said that I made it to the end so like maybe I'll have the same luck as I did before. We'll see. I have a really good sports reference but I don't know if people will get it... but I'll say it anyways. I'm like the Patriots. The premerge is my first half and I tend to flop but I still make it through with a fighting chance onto merge and just tear apart this second half! So hopefully I can do that here I just really need to step up my social game... like REALLY A LOT.
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[2016-11-24 1:13:33 AM] RJ Stamer: i stilll want to play, and you know good things would happen if I’m still in it [2016-11-24 1:13:44 AM] RJ Stamer: its better and more entertaining for me to play [2016-11-24 1:13:47 AM] RJ Stamer: even if i lose next vote [2016-11-24 1:14:13 AM] RJ Stamer: think of it from a producers stand point on real survivor [2016-11-24 1:14:37 AM] RJ Stamer: get a grip [2016-11-24 1:17:18 AM] RJ Stamer: erase me from the wiki
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