#pov: you are suc—

[chaneilkular]

CHANEIL KULAR as Harri Bhavsar Accused (2023) dir. Philip Barantini

[porraaharkness]

Agatha All Along - Agathario leaks and theories

Last year they were some leaks about the show’s history, two of them has already happened, and it`s fun to notice how the leaks were right even on the details. So if you don’t want to be spoiled, this is a warning.

The leaks were about some major things on the show:

1. Rio breaking Wanda’s spell

2. Agatha, Rio and Nicholas backstory

3. Teen being Billy Maximoff on William Kaplan body

4. Rio Vidal not being part of the coven (the Black heart thing)

The only part that still needs to be show is Agathario’s storyline, so I will focus on it.

RIO BREAKING WANDA’S SPELL

“She (Agatha) has been trapped by Wanda in a trance like state where she believes she lives in a TV show version of Westview, but in reality, it`s all in her head. In the latest episode of that show, she plays Detective Agnes who is investigating the death of a young woman who is later revealed through a magical toe tag to be Wanda herself. Helping with the investigation is an FBI agent played by Aubrey Plaza, but Agatha soon realises that this agent is her ex-wife, Rio Vidal, who has entered Agatha`s mind and is trying to break her out of Wands’s spell. When she succeds, Agatha wakes up in her bedroom, now completely powerless, with Rio in the room with her and Billy, who had snuck into Agatha’s houss and is hiding in her closet, listening in to the 2 exes bickering”

In the leaks, it is Rio who breaks the spell, not Billy, and I think this will be revealed in the next episode or in the 8th. In the last episode we had Billy’s point of view, I think they didn’t show Rio in the couch because Billy didn’t saw her there, just Agatha.

And that could be becuse she was trying break Wand’s spell trough Agatha’s mind. The scene when Agatha is interrogating Billy, Rio isn’t in the same room, and from his point of view, she shows up after the spell was already broke

Other two things I feel gave some clues is that Agatha’s neighbour said it has been days that she is strange, so Wanda’s death maked it easy to Rio find her and trying to break the spell. And Rio shows up in the begining of the episode, Teen shows later. I think it was Rio trying to use Wanda’s death to get Agatha free from the spell.

And Billy being kind of lost trying to do the spell, like he didn’t know what he was doing, in a way Rio wouldn’t, being Death and The Green witch.

One last thing on this part, when asked about Rio as FBI agent on Agatha’s house, Jac answered:

“That POV shot is obscured, there’s not an empty chair there. So I think she was, but it wasn’t - the story of episode 6 is Billy’s path and and what he’s focused on”.

So in this moment, Billy believes he is the one that broke Wanda’s spell on Agatha, leading us to believe in this too.

AGATHARIO AND NICHOLAS BACKSTORY

“Through flashbacks we learn that Agatha and Rio were married all the way back in the 1600s, before Agatha had got her hands on the Darkhold, and they even had a son, Niholas Scratch. But divorced when Agatha, freshly under the influence of the Darkhold, became obsessed with it, she slowly started losing herself and getting corrupted by its evil power, resulting in her sacrificing their son to Mephisto (is referenced by name but does not show up). Once Rio found out about this, she and Agatha broke up and Rio has been trying to get revenge on Agatha ever since. Rio will be a villain in the series, who appears crazy and obssessive at first, but is justifiably very hurt and angry.” I see a lot of people asking why would Agatha hates Rio so much if it was Agatha who sacrificed their son.

I think she really believed that Rio would spare Nicholas, being her mother too. And all this hate could be a way to deal with the selfhate and guilt for giving her son in exchange to be more powerful, even if she didn’t believe she would really lose him. She lost Rio and Nicholas, all her family, with that choice, the people she loved the most and were more vulnerable with, it makes sense that she went all power greed and closed off emotionally after that, because it’s all that she had left.

And Rio, on the other side, wants revenge because Agatha not just made a deal using their son but put Rio in a position that she couldn’t make any choice. She is Death, she maybe can heal someone, but can not bringe back who is already dead. So she was left alone, without her son and wife, for something that was beyond her control. And with the knowledge that Agatha trade their son to have more power, a quality that maybe made her falling in love with Agatha in their first place.

That would make it bittersweet, what made then falling in love with each other (Agatha as a power hungry and Rio as Death herself) were the same thing that destroyed their family and broke them apart.

RIO VIDAL NOT BEING PART OF THE COVEN

“The only 2 witches wich can enter the dimension without a coven are the Scarlet Witch, and Rio Vidal, who is powerfull Green Witch, she is supposed to be one of the oldest and more powerfull witches in the MCU. Rio uses the powers of Earth and nature and is said to be even stronger than the Scarlet Witch”

That’s go on with Agatha saying Rio was just a “tourist”. Maybe Rio didn’t even need to be summoned on the Road to appear, she was just waiting for the perfect moment, and Sharon’s death was it. And in the leaks it was already confirmed that Billy was part of the coven, not Rio.

HOW IT ENDS?

One thing I notice from the leaks it’s that none of them talks about the final battle/scene. I think the show is promoting it with few scenes, like a Rio’s betrayal against Agatha, but from the leaks of their backstory I believe will be more emotional, with both of then trying to trown at the other all the hate and pain for what happened, but having to accept and deal with Nichola’s death. Agatha trying to make a different choice, not sacrificing Billy and Rio leting him go alive, in a way she couldn’t do with Nicky.

But that’s it’s me theorizing, didn’t find any leaks about their final fight, if it’s really between them, the vibe or how it ends.

I don’t think they will die because Aubrey and Kathryn will be back on Marvel. But Marvel likes to kill characters and bring then back later, so who knows.

[severalforraelee]

Max’s Reaction: Prove It Short Story

Prompt: I was rereading Prove it for like the thousandth time and was wondering if you could do a blurb maybe of Max finding out about the labor! Like his reaction and rushing to get to you! And maybe some of Rowan's first like word and steps! I absolutely love your writing!!

Written by raelee / Posted Mar 19

Word count: 2,329

Masterlist

Formula 1 Masterlist

Prove It Masterlist

Max’s POV

I stare down at my phone screen, tapping it awake for what feels like the millionth time in the past five minutes. It shows my lockscreen, a picture I took of Y/N when she wasn’t looking because I knew that if she saw me taking it, she would yell at me. She’s looking at herself in the bathroom mirror, toothbrush halfway in her mouth with foam falling from her lips. Her hair is up in a messy ponytail, my Red Bull T-shirt falling to her mid-thigh and hugging the top of her baby bump. It’s her freshly woken in the morning getting ready for the day. I took this photo without her knowing because, In her words, she looks tired and gross in the morning. But it’s her, and that’s why I love it so much.

I’ve been trying not to contact Y/N every five minutes, knowing how exhausted she must be with the arrival of our son coming at any minute. But I feel anxious just from being away from her, despite it being for something as good as winning the Formula 1 Drivers World Championship. Hell, I’m even feeling exhausted from all of the worry.

“Max.”

I snap my head up at my PR officer’s irritated tone, giving her a sheepish look while she gives me an annoyed one.

“Did you hear anything that I just said to you?”

“No,” I admit.

She sighs, starting from the beginning. Truthfully, I don’t care what she’s saying. I don’t care what anyone’s saying to me. I just want to rush through everything that I have to unfortunately do after winning the second world championship before I can go home to my family.

Her sighing again snaps me out of my thoughts of holding my girl in my arms, and soon, my son.

“Max, you realize that the sooner you do this, the sooner that you can leave to go be with her?” She points out.

I nod, standing up to follow her to the filming room.

~

“Morning,” I sit down at the conference table, staring down at the hot coffee cup in my hands. I didn’t even add any sugar or creamer this morning, my mind completely preoccupied by the conversation that I had with Y/N last night.

I wish more than anything that I could be there with her. Hearing the anxiety in her voice as she asks when I’m coming home, reassuring me just to get my work done so that she doesn’t cause me any more anxiety than I’m already feeling makes me feel like shit. It makes me feel like a bad partner for even putting her in this situation, and a bad father for making my son’s mother feel so unsure.

I want her to feel valued. I want to be by her side, but it’s so hard when there’s so much pressure from everyone in the Formula 1 world. From fans to the crew at Red Bull racing to the FIA to other teams, everyone expects me to be celebrating right now. They’re expecting me to do media duties by day and celebratory duties, also known as getting wasted, by night. And I can’t help but give in to that pressure, not wanting to let down the tons of people relying on me.

“You’ve been awfully quiet over there, Maxie,” Christian calls across the table.

I swallow the lump in my throat, nodding. I open my mouth to speak before realizing just how dry my throat is, raising my coffee to my lips and taking a sip.

“Just wishing that I was with Y/N,” I confess.

Everyone at the table freezes at my words. They all know that the reason why I’ve been so calm about this championship as compared to my last one is because of the unknown delivery date of my son. But I’ve never really talked about it with anyone at Red Bull, wanting to keep such vulnerable emotions somewhat secretive.

Christian nods in understanding. He knows what it’s like to balance being a father and working in such a chaotic environment.

“Tell you what, let’s rush through what we have planned for today, get the things that we have to do tomorrow done today, then we can get you on a plane tonight and send you back to be with your missus?” He questions.

I nod in excitement, heart fluttering as he refers to Y/N as my missus.

Someday she will be.

My phone dings as the meeting comes to an end and I’m rising from the office chair.

“You know, we’ll get things done faster if you don’t have that to distract you all day,” my PR officer lets me know.

I pull it out of my pocket, handing it to her before rushing out the room without another word.

At the time, I was just so enthusiastic to start the media duties and other things that I have to do, wanting to get them done as quickly as possible, that I didn’t even think to check who was texting me or what it said.

If I did, I would’ve seen the first text of many that Y/N sent me. I would’ve turned around, ran out of the Red Bull complex, and gotten the hell out of Milton Keynes.

If I didn’t put so much pressure on myself to fulfill the duties of a world champion, I could’ve been there for the birth of my son.

It isn’t until I get my phone back half a day later- time slipping away from me without the device being on me and being hidden away in dark rooms for the media that I realize what happened.

“Hey, Max, Daniel walked in while I was having contractions and we’re on our way to the birthing center now. Call me back when you get this.” Her voice fills my ears as I ride the plane back to Italy to be with my family.

I wish I could fly this plane myself to get back there faster.

“I’ve been getting contractions about every- what did you say earlier, Daniel, every five minutes? Yeah, every five minutes, and contractions are lasting about a minute each. I’m five centimeters dilated. The predicted birth is in four to eight hours, so you still have time to get here.”

I listen to the one from Daniel next. “Hey, Max, Y/N’s in labor, as you probably know from the dozens of phone calls, texts, and voicemails that we’ve both left you,” he lets out a fake chuckle, “Funny story, Nurse Emma- you know Nurse Emma, right? She asked if the dad was going to be joining us for the birth and you know what I told her? I told her that he’s a-”I end that voicemail with a wince before it can get to the surely explicit part.

My fingers tremble as I click on the next voicemail. “This is the last time that I’m calling you, Max, if you wanted to be here by now you would be. The doctor just left to make sure everything is ready for our son’s arrival and when she gets back I’m going to start pushing. Hope getting media done was worth it.”

I just delete the one from Charles, already knowing that it’s not going to be a pleasant one to listen to. But I can’t blame him. I left one of his best friend’s and the mother of my child to go through one of the most traumatic and important moments of her life alone.

Well, she has Daniel with her, but if he wasn’t there- I shake my head, not wanting to go there.

I stare out the window, willing the plane to go faster. From the texts and calls, I know that she’s already had the baby. I wish I could be there with them both, holding and meeting my son and reassuring my partner that she did an amazing job.

And I’m sure she did, but I feel like shit for not even knowing that. I want to know all of the gritty details of the labor. I want to know if she needed any stitches, how loud our son cried when he came out, if he’s latching on properly.

But I’m the only one to blame for missing out on that experience.

I run through the hallways of the birthing center, wanting to get to her as fast as possible. The bouquet of red roses that my assistant greeted me as soon as I got off the plane to give to her is gripped tightly in my fist, the anxiety of seeing her reaction and holding our son for the first time causing me to hold them a little tighter than I’d prefer to.

Charles points at me as soon as I enter. “No.”

My eyes slide past him, focusing on her lying on the bed. She looks exhausted, hair messy and bags under her eyes but she’s never looked so beautiful. She looks so disheveled because she’s a mom. She’s a mom to our son.

Despite the clear anger and resentment in her eyes at the sight of me, I fall even more in love at the sight of her.

The guilt of not being there with them for the birth encourages me to work even harder to repair the relationship with Y/N and to spend more time bonding with Rowan. And it works, because I’m there for his first word.

As unfortunate as a first word it may be.

“Who am I, Rowan?” Charles holds the eleven month old baby in his arms, something that I’m already grumpy about. I can’t take him from Charles' arms, though, because he cries every time I try.

I hate this obsession-with-Uncle-Charles phase.

“Who am I?” He coos to the baby, bouncing him up and down in his arms in a playful action. “Am I Uncle Charles? Can you say Uncle Charles?”

“Cha,” Rowan cheers, clapping his hands in excitement at the attention from his uncle.

I freeze at his words. Y/N pauses her conversation with Carlos. Charles' face just- ugh, shows the arrogance of a man who’s name was the first word of a baby. Specifically his rival’s baby.

“Was that his first word?” Y/N questions, staring with wide eyes at Rowan as he stares back at his mom.

“No, Cha is not a word,” I immediately disagree, shaking my head.

Truthfully, I just don’t want my kid’s first word to be my rival’s name.

“Say it again, Rowan, say Charles,” Charles encourages, excitement lacing his tone.

“Cha,” Rowan repeats.

Carlos, Charles, and Y/N- then quickly after, Rowan, erupt into cheers, hollering at Rowan’s first official word.

“Good job, baby,” Y/N coos, leaning down to press kisses all over his face.

I suppose I’ll give Charles a win with this one.

And I’m there for his first steps.

As unfortunate as they may be, too.

“Little man’s not walking yet?” It’s one of the few times that Lewis and I actually get along. When we’re talking about Rowan.

“He’s working on it, he just gets so nervous,” I explain. We both watch as he pulls himself up on the chair in the hotel lobby, doing it with ease because of how often he does it at home.

“Come here, Rowan,” Lando grins, bending down and opening his arms for the thirteen month old to come to.

The blonde baby eyes him curiously, looking down at his feet, as if he’s wondering if they actually work.

“Don’t look at your feet, kid, that’ll sike you out,” Daniel advises, bending down beside Lando and opening his arms. “Come to Uncle Daniel.”

“Daniel, let me have this moment with him,” Lando whines.

“May I remind you-”Lando groans at the piece of information that Daniel loves to bring up every chance he gets. “He is named after me.”

“Just his middle name.”

“Still. He’s named after me.”

“Uh, guys?” Lewis’ tone cuts out the fight.

We all turn to see Rowan hobbling unsurely towards his uncles.

On two feet.

We erupt into cheers, startling the rest of the lobby.

“He just took his first steps,” Daniel informs everyone like a proud parent. The rest of the lobby erupts into cheers as well.

Rowan reaches Lando and the Brit pulls the little boy into his arms, rising to his feet and throwing him in the air playfully.

“Look at you go, mate.”

Rowan giggles at the compliment.

“Y/N,” I holler, looking around me to find my beautiful partner. “Y/N- wait, where is she?”

“Shit,” Daniel’s eyes are wide, “She’s still in that meeting.”

“Oh shit,” I rub my forehead in stress, “Okay, this never happened, okay? She will be so upset if she found out she missed his first steps. The next time she’s around and takes his first steps, we’re treating that as his first steps, got it?”

The three other drivers nod in agreement, knowing how momentous first steps are to a mother. Especially a first time mother.

Y/N exits the elevator, Carlos and Charles following her after their Ferrari meeting has ended.

An elderly woman stops in front of Y/N, patting her on the arm gently. “Congratulations on your son’s first steps.”

She leaves before we can say anything and Y/N stands there, eyes wide and jaw dropped.

“I missed his first steps?”

“No,” Charles cries from behind her, his face in his hands.

“Charles, are you- are you crying?” Daniel asks.

“I just can’t believe I missed his first steps. He should’ve been walking towards his favorite uncle.”

“He was walking towards his favorite uncle,” Lando chimes in, “He was walking towards me.”

“May I remind you,” Daniel interrupts, “He was named after me.”

Eye rolls and groans are heard around the group, Carlos even throwing a water bottle that hits him right in the nuts.

[harrowing-of-hell]

it is 4am and i have consumed alcohol and i'm having tlt thoughts but they will probably not be coherent and this will be a very stream of consciousness post you have been warned

ok so to be very honest i was baffled that people read griddlehark as like, explicitly romantic whenever i first was browsing the tlt tag

like they were very obvs homoerotic and like i will directly quote tazmuir here and say there were "elements of a love story there" but i was not getting the same vibes that apparently everyone else was??

and maybe this is the difference between reading GTN in 2019 and then having to wait a year for HTN, because to me that allows a lot of time for your mind to sit and think on things and speculate

meanwhile i read GTN and HTN back to back. from my notes i finished GTN sept 14, 2022 (and i started reading it like, at MOST a week before that) and then i started HTN on sept 22 and finished it four days later (rip to people who say HTN was hard to read couldn't have been me. saw that it was in second person and nutted on the spot literally my favorite POV. guess im just built different. anyways)

so like, very obviously little down time between reading those 2 books so not a lot of time to really sit and think on it given that this is TLT we're talking about

but even now having read NTN and it now being a full year later since starting the series i still... don't get it

rather, i do not get it trying to read their relationship from the way that most people in the fandom seem to be reading it.

the pool scene and like, the drastic shift that it caused in harrow and gideon's relationship made very little sense to me and seemed kinda out of nowhere until i started thinking about it in this way; harrow and gideon do not love each other for who the other person is but rather what that person might mean for them.

to me gideon is vrry obviously someone who craves purpose after being treated like shit and generally just viewed as someone as disposable. so it makes sense to me that her goal was to escape the ninth and go join the cohort (so she can go be disposable but With Purpose).

but when they got to Canaan house....

bro cytherea groomed her SO FUCKING HARD. it's actually kinda fucking funny in a fucked up way because cytherea was like "noo gideon don't let anyone treat u like this" while gideon was getting her life force succed out of her but LITERALLY every one of cytherea's interactions with gideon just... reinforced and instilled the idea of cavalierhood in gideon

so much so that by the end of GTN gideon was like "no harrow YOU'RE the one who doesn't understand what a necro and cav are supposed to mean to each other." brainwashed. absolutely brainwashed.

ofc being surrounded by other necro/cav pairs who were Properly fulfilling their social roles influenced her as well, but cytherea had such a big part to play in it.

so naturally gideon's Search For Purpose shifts from being disposable-but-with-purpose in the cohort to being disposable-but-with-purpose as a cavalier.

so for gideon a relationship with harrow as her cavalier might mean a chance at having a Purpose, and this is why gideon loves her

meanwhile for harrow... the girl is 200 dead children and has been suicidal about that shit from day one. so here is one of the children that was supposed to die for her, but didn't, and fought her every single day of their lives, and it's this child that's offering her forgiveness???? like bro ofc she's gonna take that it's literally the salvation she's been looking for that even God, as we learn in HTN, can't offer her.

so naturally when the answer to lyctorhood is "ok now kill her and vore her soul <3" harrow would be like FUCK no. harrow has only now really beginning to think of gideon as a person and not a slave, as someone who is OF the Ninth house and not just beholden to it. so whyy would she ever kill her at this point.

and we KNOW this means so much to harrow because, thinking she's on the brink of death, she just straight up asks gideon if she's really forgiven her.

this is why i think they love each other and also i think this adds up with where they are now in the series. their reasons for loving the other person are completely at odds!!! so even with their now "Repaired" relationship it is still hopelessly fractured!!!

and tbh i do think griddlehark at this point is more, but not at all completely, one-sided than most people think because like, i think (or at least i hope??) harrowhark is slowly snapping out of this line of thinking and is realizing that's Not a healthy way to view gideon (idk i may be wrong) while gideon is DOUBLING DOWN SO HARD on being a cavalier. like that is her Purpose now it is her Identity!!! she needs to be someone's cavalier, and if she can't be harrow's then she'll try to be her father's.

not a fucking word out of her mouth when alecto kisses harrow but when alecto pledges herself to harrow?? she called the soul of the earth A SLUT!! absolutely insane.

anyways that's it that's all i had to say. i hope harrow and alecto fuck nasty in ATN <3

im not tagging this as anything tlt related but this will prob still some how show up in tags anyways because tumblr is stupid and broken

[summercourtship]

two potential alternate pov scenes: i would love to see some of edwards manipulations from his perspective, even a collection of snippets (when she has her conversation with edward during the tour, honestly any instance where he hands her a coffee, and less on theme but that moment where she says she applied for the internship but she obviously doubts her ability to get it and he seems surprised - in my mind he reacts with surprise/shortness when she implies her own unworthiness because /obviously/ she's capable, he wouldn't be interested in her otherwise, because he is /exceptional/ and implying he'd waste his time with a completely normal person is frankly insulting to him - but I would love to see what you actually have him thinking in that moment)

Also, the (third?) time bats shows up at her apartment, and she's just in a t-shirt and nothing else. frankly I just wanna hear his internal monologue of 'i hope she's okay, is she a criminal that would suc-oh okay hot love that - oh god she's so invested in riddler she probably is in on it shit.

im so invested in all the relationships you've written in this fic, the dynamics are fantastic. jonathan, toxic situationship of the year award, her professor, her boss, the dr in charge of the single-blind research into experiment hallucinogenic drugs she doesn't know she's participating in. king.

brucie baby almost immediately reminding her that interacting with people who like you is like, nice, actually. bats being a condescending but caring jerk. pointedly not warning her about just how bad her situationship is (there's no way the world's greatest detective didn't put together that she's dating Crane and has a resistance to fear toxin). keep it up socially inept enabler.

edward. there's not much to say except I love an obsessive loser <3 romantic scavenger hunts, top tier. clearly knows and wants her to figure out that Crane is fucking with her but won't like. tell her. hope this romantic trial works out better than the last one!

I assume you mean Jon's manipulations and yes, I definitely will add that to the list of options!! Also the third interaction, of course (especially because we don't know yet WHY bats was hanging around our apartment... like, it definitely has to do with Jon/Scarecrow but the reader doesn't know that).

Thank you! It's been a challenge juggling the dynamics and relationships but it's super rewarding because I'm obsessed with all of them. I think you summed them all up very accurately.

Jonathan- toxic. toxic. toxic. but he's hot so we forgive him. he clearly likes the reader in some capacity but also enjoys fucking with her. in that sense, I guess you could say he views her more like a... toy? He thinks she's intelligent, but he still relishes in being able to manipulate her, he likes that there is just something about him that keeps her from really realizing the gravity of her situation.

Bruce- Bruce being almost like a friend to her vs bats being exasperated by her stupid decisions. but he also still has a bit of the mentality that she got herself into this mess, she should be able to get herself out, like he's gotten better at helping people and inspiring hope instead of fear but he still doesn't quite grasp that sometimes people are stuck in situations they can't get themselves out of. I do not think he will recognize this until he really starts to get to know her as Bruce.

Edward- he cannot help himself!! it would be so easy for him to just tell her that Jon is experimenting on her but... where's the fun in that? Also he knows that she doesn't trust him, so why would she believe him? But she's warming up to him now, I mean she's gonna go find whatever the hell he wants her to when she could easily just take that note to Batman and admit that she was coerced into helping him escape. But no, she's curious and still wants to feel special and that is what Ed is banking on (also because he believes that she is special and important.)

[celestialulu]

Songs I'd give to Lucy if she was a Kpop soloist and why:

title is self explanatory and some of these might just be based on vibes and sound rather than as a whole but I tried to keep it also based on the general dance/performance and lyrically aswell. idk this is just for fun because ive thought about this a bit lol ALSO i tried to keep these as soloist songs but i think a lot of group songs fit her so most of them are just group songs lol

ALSO a lot of these are nalu based but thats unavoidable because theyre very intertwined lmao

also also this ended being a longer post than i expected and i dont think anyones gonna read everything but yeah

Herione by Sunmi

I mean first of all the title is LITERALLY called Heroine like... come on. This song for me is very nalu core like whenever i hear this song the lyrics scream nalu from a Lucy POV, for me anyway. Mostly the lyrics about a hero, lucy herself has agreed that natsu is kinda like her hero in the RAVE x FT crossover little comic if you didn't know. I would said the sound kinda fits lucy its not too brooding but not too crazy and hyper and its a good middle ground that I think would suit her :)

POP! by Nayeon

Okay so I was deciding between killin' me good and pop for this list because I think they both fit her in diff ways but I think pop is better for her because its whimsical and silly and happy with a bit of cunty and that's very lucy for me <3 but in general I think both songs would work for her but anyway yes pop is very silly and fun and cute and i think thats very fitting for lucy and she would rock the pop m/v outfits

Queen of Hearts by TWICE

Okay this one is both based lyrically and vibe vise. I think it sounds like something lucy would perform its a powerful song but not too over the top and a good middle ground that would suit lucy. anyways the lyrics from the first chorus:

its VERY fitting for lucy leaving her old life behind and starting new and becoming bigger and better yes yes yes and the lyrics about being a queen yes she is a queen and she will rule the world!!!

BONVOYAGE by Dreamcatcher

i loveee this song and honestly a lot of dreamcatcher songs I imagine nalu scenarios in my head to them because theyre songs are sooo catchy and fast paced I can imagine the craziest things,, anyway the reason I chose this song was mostly the lyrics i mean things like

i cant explain it but this is definitely them theyre soulmates and the "maybe you dont but i love you" definitely suits lucy i specifically thought of the line in 100yq of her thinking natsu doesnt like her in that way but you know she loves him anyway and they'll be together forever in his words etc etc

again i cant really explain how this is them but if i had to i would say the way theyre really close and best friends and yet have fallen in love with eachother but are hurting eachother going in circles with their relationship and not confronting their fears about losing each other either quite literally or their relationship and it's gonna build up until it explodes lol

okay last part these lyrics really remind me of the ending in dragon cry when lucy tells natsu that even with the different conflicting parts of him she knows him and she knows that even with all of that hes still just natsu and its what he needed to hear and she just knew that so :)

and also other than the lyrics I think the song can be very lucy sounding,, to me anyways :D

​​​enchanted night ~ 白夜 by Billlie

Okay after the essay on the last one I wanted to do a song that has a more simple explanation,, so Billlie have amazing songs theyre one of my favourite kpop groups and if you haven't listened to their songs they bang so hard please listen <3 anyways the lyrics are all based around of course an enchanted night with lines like "The moon is freaky, the stars are dreamy" etc etc which of course suits lucy due to the stars and such but also the moon part made me think of the galuna island arc and of course the whole eclipse gate and such so yeah! (also the song sounds soft and pretty like lucy.. (: )

Playing with Fire by Blackpink

another song based off of lyrics being very nalu i mean... playing with fire as a title is very nalu,, but also the lyrics are about going too far in love and getting hurt getting burnt etc etc which like you know that one scene in 100yq and like the whole slow burn thing they have,, its very fitting to me imo and also the sound suits lucy its again middle ground powerful but not too overwhelming to the point where its too powerful that it wouldnt suit lucy (not saying she isnt powerful she has her moments which is why i think a middle ground is good)

Queencard - G-IDLE

this might be a hit or miss for some people,, but hear me outtttt... I wanted to add a song thats very high confidence and powerful but a lot of songs in mind were too dark and serious but and I feel like this fits the most,, its feminine and fun with confidence and cunt slayage and its silly and fun and its so lucy to me its so so so lucy too me. I need to draw lucy in a queencard stage outfit like yesterday thank yew also i know a lot of people thought the lyrics were cringe and this that blah blah blah but i think adds to the fun and it kinda fits lucy sometimes shes a little silly and girlfail and thats okay we love her for it

(I will leave it there for now but theres defo more songs out there for this but I dont want to make this toooo long and obv i included these songs a lot because I like them and some other people may not like the songs or agree that they suit lucy but its how I view them and its just for fun :)

[jeonvein]

| genre: thriller, romance.

| extras: this story follows my book version of this. The names Garam and Jungseok will be changed. Jungseok becomes Jungkook and Garam is Y/n. For the fanfiction version everything will be changed to fit it.

| trigger warning: child abuse, abuse, violence, murder, cannibalism,

Chapter 1: Y/n Pov

"How long am I required to work today?" I asked my manager who was sitting just inches away from the counter where the register was placed. I had just clocked in to my shift not knowing that my other boss left a note wanting me to work an extra shift because people hadn't shown up.

My manager shifted slightly into her seat, sighing heavily. "I honestly don't know. Seyoon barely comes to work and when she does, she begs other people to take her shift."

I chuckled lightly. "I know Seyoon is very unique."

"I wouldn't say unique, she has a habit of laying people off. Why I would rather have you work the hours I do than work her hours."

Eunae had been my manager for some time. She's been very helpful while I was struggling with money problems that had affected my family upon moving to Tongyeong-si. I moved to stand in front of the register that is next to Eunae. She didn't move an inch in her seat but she looked extremely exhausted.

"You should head home, Eunae."

"My shift isn't over just yet."

"You look exhausted, Eunae."

Eunae laughed. "It is part of customer service especially in a coffee shop." She stood up, wiping down her apron. "Our jobs ain't cheap."

I chuckled lightly. "You got that right."

Eunae was right, sometimes serving customers here at the coffee shop was exhausting mentally and physically especially if these customers were being rude to the employees causing more stress onto us and the managers. That was the only bad thing that I could think about being here in this small city.

There were a lot of memorizing sights like the small fountain placed just inches away from the coffee shop. I loved to stare at it during my breaks, it helps clear my mind most days. I've been offered multiple jobs by multiple different people, I even had one person offer me $200 a week to be a stripper at their club but I respectfully declined them.

Luckily, the coffee shop was just enough for me and I was offered great staff for the most part.

"Y/n, how is the landlord acting today?"

"Bad, He basically told me I have a month to earn at least 1318000 won or we would be kicked out of the house."

Eunae sighed heavily. "Your mom is still not helping?"

"Not that much, she barely works while she is telling me to get two jobs while dealing with my father's illness."

"If I could let you stay with me I would but I am about to get an apartment of my own."

"I wish but It is what the world is, Eunae." I started counting the money in the register to make sure we had enough to give back to the customers who paid with $5 dollar bills and even $10's.

I was already mentally preparing myself for homelessness, knowing how much of a risk I will be to diseases and even an illness that has affected my father. I am praying in my heart that I will be able to make enough money to last another month or I may have to beg our landlord to extend it even further since we cannot make it to the pay day.

I placed the money in the register, closing it upon hearing quickened footsteps coming closer towards me. I looked in that direction to see who it was and to my surprise it was Hwayoung. She was breathing heavily, holding a piece of paper tightly in her hands.

"Hwayoung, you okay?" Eunae turned around to look at her, seeing her messy hair and sweat upon her clothes. She huffed and slammed the piece of paper onto the counter, making both Eunae and I jump.

"Damn Hwa, You didn't have to slam it on the counter like that."

She was still heaving trying to catch her breath. "Give me" She sucked in the air around her. "Two seconds."

Both Eunae and I laughed. It was nice to see Hwayoung at the start of such a stressful shift. There were not enough words to express the love I have for Hwayoung but I think having her in my life was enough to express that.

There was visible sweat built up on her forehead as we watched her catch her breath before standing up straight. Eunae and I raised an eyebrow at her, curious on what got her running towards us in excitement.

"You had a good run Hwa?"

"Amazing run! My body is pumping full of adrenaline."

"We can tell." I laughed.

"Well, It is not just about the run."

"Then what is it about that has gotten you so excited?"

"That piece of paper!" She exclaimed, pushing this unknown paper closer to me.

"Is it for me?"

"Yes it is! I know how much you have been needing 1318000 won by the end of the month so I did something exciting!"

I looked towards Eunae, still confused about this. Eunae shrugged her shoulders and pointed to me to pick up the piece of paper and read it. I reached over picking up the paper and bringing it close to my face to start reading it.

"You signed me up at an orphanage?" I didn't even read the full thing when I came across the name of the orphanage at the top of the paper. "Jungsik's orphanage" plastered in bold and eye-catching font.

"I did!" Hwayoung shouted, causing some of the customers that were already in the coffee shop to look her way.

"Hwayoung let's not shout, you're disturbing the customers." Eunae explained sternly, signing to the customers that she is handling it.

"I'm sorry, I am just so excited." Hwayoung slightly turned towards the customers, bowing 90 degrees before standing straight.

"But back to the orphanage, how did you sign me up without me being there?"

"It was easy, I saw an application online last night and went to visit it this morning. When I came in, I asked for the job applications. The old lady at the desk gave it to me to fill out as she was thinking I was signing up and I just put your name."

"You basically committed fraud Hwayoung.." Eunae held her laugh.

"Did I?.." Hwayoung took a second to think about it.

"I mean the thought is what matters in the end right?" I shrugged.

One thing about this paper is that the orphanage does look legit but maybe I should look up during my break today to see if I can find its location on the maps. I was still a little bit suspicious about how quickly Hwayoung got the job for me but maybe they were desperate for workers that they took anyone.

"Hwa, How did you get this job so quickly?"

"I have my ways." She smirked towards me and Eunae laughed, hitting my shoulder lightly.

"They owed her money."

"That is not trueee."

"Then what is it hmm? I mean Y/n is right, she shouldn't have gotten that job so easily."

Hwayoung hummed. "What the lady at the front desk told me is that they were actually looking into Y/n. They didn't know what she looked like quite yet but they were going to offer her a job so It was convenient I turned up there and used Y/n's name."

"Which I still can't believe you did."

"Hey I mean I got you a job right!"

I shook my head. "Correct."

"In a weird way but It does work for Y/n." Eunae sat back down in her chair as Hwayoung got closer to us to let people who just came inside of the coffee shop by.

"Make sure to read the whole thing Y/n, if you don't read the whole thing you will miss something and let the company be allowed to rip you off of a job if they wanted to instead of giving you any benefits."

I nodded my head, moving my eyes back onto the piece of paper. I made sure to imprint every inch of information that was said on this piece of paper just in case the company decided to try to lie to me. While I was doing that, my eyes came across another bolded message near the end.

'DO NOT: Do not come at night, throw out your personal feelings before you enter our orphanage'

I didn't understand what It meant or the hidden meaning behind this message. This new boss was definitely like leaving warnings which was normal in this working industry. After that bolded warning, there was a list of potential risks while working at the orphanage.

There were mentions of missing children and the environment of the place causing injuries to the workers which I could understand since I assumed it was in place since the 1900's. I was really glad they told the risks and even mentioned that all injuries are paid for by the orphanage.

Thank god I didn't have to pay for another hospital bill.

I read the application over one more time, allowing it all to seep into my brain. Then I placed the paper down on the counter. Hwayoung pointed at a small line towards the bottom of the paper right after the potential risks section.

"Do make sure you sign it. He can't officially let you be an employee there until you agree to the terms and risks of working there."

I squinted my eyes at the paper finally seeing the small smudged line. I can't believe I didn't see it before. I went to reach for a pen that was placed in one of the cups just right of the register. I moved my head down near the paper before signing it with my signature.

I should have thought twice about applying but they seemed promising with the amount of work they would give and health benefits if anything happens to me while working. I do like that I will be taking care of children which is one of my best qualities. My Aunt always said I was good at taking care of young toddlers.

I went to put the pen back in the cup holder when the bell from the front door rang loudly. A large family came into the shop and stood behind Hwayoung looking at our menu. There were a couple of children with them and they seemed well behaved.

My gaze moved back towards Hwayoung when she practically jumped over the counter to wrap her arms around me to dig her knuckles into my head playfully.

"I knew you would do it! I am always such a good friend!"

"I need the money but thanks Hwayoung." I laughed lightly.

"You're so welcome! I'mma head back towards the dance studio see you both then!" Hwayoung sent us goodbye air kisses before walking past the family behind her to leave the shop.

I sometimes wonder how me and her are friends sometimes but It wasn't my worry at the moment. I just had to get through my shift right now and tonight at this orphanage. I am hoping they are really nice to me.

—––———–––

It reached 6 pm right on the dot. The clock that was set up in Eunae's spot went off reminding her and me that It was our time to go home. I finished with the last customers who came in and ordered their late night coffees. I understood completely why some of them needed it that bad since work drains a person mentally.

Then I placed my apron onto the wall hanger in the break room near the door. Once I finally clocked out, my other manager Seyoon entered the break room. She grinned towards me, placing a hand on her hip.

"Are you taking my shift?"

"I'm sorry Seyoon but I have to go to my other job."

"Other Job? Who else would hire you?" Seyoon snickered out.

I took a step back from the door when I noticed Eunae entering the break room. Eunae looked towards Seyoon before clocking out herself.

"Seyoon, please make sure the coffee shop is closed correctly this time. I don't think we can handle another complaint."

Seyoon chuckled. "I think I was just about to leave, right Y/n?"

"Not really, you have to do your job, Seyoon. I'll see you tomorrow Eunae." I smiled towards Eunae as I pushed past Seyoon who was blocking the entrance.

I started heading towards the bus station just down the street from the coffee shop. It was not a long walk and it was nice to enjoy the breeze that flowed by everyday. When I reached the area, I went to look at the map to see if I could find this orphanage and ask the driver if they could take me out that far.

I placed my finger on the map to point at where I was before looking around for 'jungsik orphanage'. For a couple of minutes I couldn't find it. It was making me think that maybe this place wasn't real but I decided to pull out my phone and go on google Maps to help me out.

When I found it on google, I saw the bus pulling up to the station. I kept a right grip on my purse before getting into the bus. I stopped in front of the bus driver to hand him some money.

"I also have a question sir."

"Hmm?"

"Do you have a station out near Jungsik Orphanage?"

The bus driver looked at me with a weird smirk on his face for a split second before his face went back to normal.

"Yes we do sweetheart, now go wait your turn."

I took a step back, concerned about what I just saw from the bus driver's face. I sighed internally.

Y/n, it is just your imagination.

I hope it was, everything about this night seemed off. When I sat down, the bus driver had already hit two other stops before driving off. While I was waiting, I decided to call my mother and tell her that I found my second job. I know she would be proud about me working instead of coming home.

I dialed her number hoping for a response but It just went straight to voicemail. I sighed lightly, not letting myself think about my mother more than I have to. I didn't want to bother her while she was trying to take care of my father. My mother was starting to get protective of me and I think it is because she knows my father may not make it. I am hoping he does but fate is not always on my side.

The bus reached the orphanage allowing me to get off. I looked straight ahead, seeing the big orphanage in the distance illuminating with the sunset. I should head over to it before I run out of light. I quickly ran towards the orphanage reaching the front yard, that is when I noticed the huge moss growing on the bricks and even the brown burn spots on the green grass just inches from the place.

I decided to take a minute to look up the history of this place. From what I know, the orphanage was built during Emperor Hyo's reign over korea. Which did make sense with its structure and the wood looking rotten. However, I was starting to get a little bit nervous with the human-like burn marks on the walls.

They were in the shape of bodies along with words like "save us, help us, they are hurting us" written in white chalk. I managed to head inside of the orphanage where it looked mostly up to date with the time period. The feeling of the carpet underneath my feet still had its softness while some areas were brittle.

I noticed the hallways were being lit by candles nailed into the walls which added to the swift draft of the wind. While walking down one of the hallways, I stopped in my tracks upon seeing stabbing marks. Some of the marks had a splotch of blood on it.

I think I may go home.

No Y/n, you need this job.

The hell I do.

It was a battle with my mind. I needed to leave, there were obviously better jobs out there than this. I rushed back towards the reception area where a young woman was apparently waiting on me near the entrance.

"You are Mrs.Heo Y/n correct?"

"Um, yes that is correct."

"Great." She walked towards the reception desk with a clipboard. "I am going to need that paper that you were supposed to sign."

Right. The application.

I pulled out the application from my purse, handing it to her. She took the paper from me, reading it to make sure I followed all of the instructions. The young girl put the paper on the wooden desk before picking up a huge stack of papers.

"I am Joy. I will be your tour guide since I will be quitting." She smirked, handing me the stack of papers that I needed to carry.

"Uh, thank you?"

"You're welcome, let's start upstairs." She went up the stairs first leaving me behind. I slowly followed behind not seeing the male that walked in front of me. I stopped in my tracks when I reached the top step, finally seeing him.

The mysterious male was glaring at me with his piercing eyes only to walk past me leaving me alone. That is when I noticed one of the rooms where two boys were playing with a toy but when Joy walked back towards me, they hid it under their bed.

"Let's start with the rooms. I don't need to tell you how many rooms but I am going to pretend that you are stupid."

I should have walked out. I don't know why I didn't.

But Instead I didn't and just smiled at her. She went past one of the first rooms.

"There are six bedrooms on this floor. 10 children are living in each room with the left side belonging to the boys and the right belonging to the girls."-"The rooms are in order from youngest to oldest, Do I need to explain the ages to you?'

I shook my head. "I think I have It ma'am."

"Good, I am happy you're not incompetent."

We reached the end of the hallway where I noticed a door that was cracked. I didn't think anything of it but I did want to ask about it.

"Joy, I have a question."

Joy turned around crossing her arms. "Yes?"

"This room." I pointed to the door. "Is it important?"

"I didn't tell you about it, which means It is not for you."

I nodded my head following Joy downstairs where she showed me the rest of the place like the classrooms, living rooms, nurse stations and kitchens.

"I will be going, I assume you have the common sense to follow the rules."

"Thank you."

Joy quickly left the place leaving me alone. I started doing this stack of papers in my office when crying started getting louder and harsher every couple of minutes. I went to take a break from my work to go see what happened. I headed towards the nursery to find her near one of the cribs.

"It's okay, I won't hurt you."

I whispered it to her kneeling down in front of her. She hesitated but let me look at her arm from a distance. Her arm had burn marks making her arm a bright red. I slowly moved towards her to help guide her to one of the girls bedrooms, tucking her in one of the beds.

"I'm going to get medicine for your arm, okay?" I told her softly, trying not to scare her.

I ran down stairs swiftly rummaging through the cabinets until I could find bandages. I pulled up a stool next to the young girl, taking her arm slowly. Putting on the ointment she was wincing in pain every time the ointment touched her burnt skin. Her tears started filling her eyes as I wiped her tears.

"Can I know what happened?"

She doesn't look in my direction. It looked like she was scared to tell me who hurted her. I stood up and started putting things back into the first aid kit before moving closer towards the door.

"I will be in the hallway if you need me."

Before I could walk out, she whispered out "thank you for being nice." like she didn't want anyone to know she was thanking me. I smiled and turned around where I kissed her head.

"I will always be nice to you."

When I stepped out into the hallway, there was that male again. We almost bumped into each other but he took a step back from me. You could see he was definitely taller than me by a couple of inches along with that scar that came across his right eye complimenting his raw red eye.

He had another scar on his chin down near the bottom left along with his captivating left brown eye. It was definitely rare in Korea for people to have two color eyes and it was nice to see someone unique, specifically in a part of town I've never been to.

"Are you done eye fucking me?"

My eyes widened when his voice turned cold like ice.

"No sir, I was not eye fucking you."

Right when he was about to respond a nun walked up to the both of us.

"Dinner is at 6:30 pm. Bedtime is at 8:30 pm. Don't be late next time."

I looked at her confused. "It is 8:30?"

The nun walked away from me not answering my question. I didn't pay any mind to it and walked past the male to put the rest of the children to bed. I entered one of the rooms where the young boys were jumping on the beds.

"Please, let's get you all to bed hmm?" I tried to convince them but they didn't listen quite well.

"Get into bed, do you want the boogeyman to come out and get you?" I saw the mysterious male enter the room and leaned against the doorframe. He chuckled while each of the little kids went up to him to say goodnight.

"Unnie was so nice to us! She helped Jian today after the meanies hurt her!"

That is when I saw a smile on his face. It was definitely memorizing. I was slowly learning the concept of who the children called the meanies and I was glad It wasn't the mysterious male. He seemed interesting but I didn't have enough time to admire as I rushed towards the nursery to put the babies to bed.

I read the names on the crib, picking up Min Ae and Min So. I sat down in one of the rocking chairs near the corner and started softly singing a song my mother would always sing to me as a baby to help them sleep.

TAGS: #kpop

[shikai-the-storyteller]

QSMP PURGATORY FINALE

Liveblogging Phil's POV - Part 2

[ Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 ]

Ok, I’m switching back to Phil’s VOD again for now. Anyways, back to existential horrors.

A rare thank you from the WHAT

This frickin Eye thing is quiet too.

The Eye: Do you desire to leave? I think your place is much better at my side. OHOHOHO THE LORE IMPLICATIONS, I’M *THRIVING*

OH FFS, MULTIPLE BOMBS

BUT THE EGGS

Yeah alright, ElQuackity is gonna be stuck, that’s not surprising.

Of course Dapper is the first Egg that gets through, LMFAO

Tallulah telling Phil to go, oh boy maybe Dapper is the only Egg they get back for now

Fit: I’m not leaving you, Ramon. Me: *HEART SHATTERS*

OF COURSE THEY GET A DISASTER RN

OH NO THE ENTIRE BUILDING IS FALLING DOWN ON THEM OH FRICK

FOOLISH POPPED A TOTEM?

Dang the admins want them OUT out NOOOOO the Eggs got warped away. That’s probably for the best, Phil and Fit and half the parents wouldn’t have left otherwise.

LETS GO DID THEY GET RICHARLYSON? q!ETOILES YOU LEGEND I COULD KISS YOU

Oh Richarlyson wasn’t meant to get out LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOO, that was a fantastic blooper

Ok but in-universe, I’m just imagining Etoiles being such a badass he just automatically punches the barrier to try and get through to the Eggs, and because he uses his glitched corrupted code-arm, he’s somehow able to reach and grab Richarlyson, but it isn’t enough to keep Richarlyson from getting warped away. This is how I imagine that scene playing out.

Noooo Cellbit running back after seeing Etoiles’ message.

Etoiles: I tried my best… Cellbit: No he didn’t, no he didn’t…

Bruh :((((

I know I expected to only get one Egg but that still sucks

Thank you QSMP for sending the coordinates in the chat, they WOULD have spent the next 3 hours searching for it and trying to get everyone to go to the same spot

Baghera: I’M NOT LEAVING WITHOUT MY CHILD AGH……….. :(((((

METEOR LETSGO I mean, oh nooo (sarcastic) I’m sorry, the meteor is just suc a cool disaster

Tubbo: Do you still have your wings? Phil: Yes. Tubbo: And lasso? Phil: Yes. Tubbo: GET ME OUT OF HERE. MAN WHAT A COOL CONVO, GREAT IDEA, ADMINS PLEASE LET THEM DO IT IT WOULD BE SO COOL VISUALLY

LETSGOOOOOOOOOOO THIS IS SICK AS HELL

I CANT FRICKIN BELIEVE I DIDNT GET TO SEE THIS LIVE

Phil saying he’s not sure if they’re gonna make it because his wings are weak, AGH MAN THIS IS GETTING ME SO EMOTIONAL

I know the timer is there to incentivize them to hurry up but I DO think it would be funny if half of them just didn’t make it to the boat in time and the admins were like “Frick. Roll the (inevitable) animatic anyways.”

QSMP: YOU HAVE 4 MINUTES TO ESCAPE. THANK YOU MAXIMUS FOR DETONATING YOUR ILLEGAL BOMB, YOU THOUGHT YOU COULD THREATEN ME BUT NOW YOU’RE ALL JUST IN DANGER. GOOD LUCK. This guy is so frickin petty.

Phil: 43 seconds left on my elytra… THIS IS SO SAD MAN

I hope they make it in time, MAN THIS IS SO COOL

OH GOOD THEY GOT TO THE BOAT IN TIME

Oh man, and Phil slowly circling down so Tubbo doesn’t get hurt.

THREE SECONDS LEFT DANG THEY REALLY CUT IT CLOSE

FIT HAS HIS ELYTRA TOO LETS GOOOOOO Fit saying it’s a genius idea and saying that’s a great way to rescue more people. I love that so much.

LMAO that would be frickin hilarious if the meteor hit the boat

Love that Eye dude is letting them escape on a luxury cruise ship LMFAO I cannot take this dude seriously I’m sorry

This makes me think of the SS whatever that was in Pokemon Crystal

LMAO SLIME TRYING TO RP AS A CAPTAIN ANNOUNCER AND ROIER CURSING HIM OUT

How the frick did they lose the ENTIRE team LMFAO

I’m so glad I put on 

Fit was able to save Bagi at least. Agh.

2h 10m - NOOOO PHIL SAYING THEY SHOULD’VE SAVED DAPPER, MY HEART IS SHATTERED IMAGINING HIS IN A REAL-LIFE SITUATIOn

LMAO “How did he do this without us knowing? How many PHDs does he have?” I LOVE SLIME

“The true end of Purgatory rests solely in my hands” yeah yeah, whatever man

NEW GAMES NEW DISASTERS? PLAYERS?

For the love of god please tell me they don’t have to come back here to save the other Eggs

That eye animation was sick as hell though

NO SO WE DON’T EVEN SEE OUR ISLAND??? ARE THEY NOT GONNA SHOW US OUR ISLAND?? FFS PLEASE QSMP I NEED TO KNOW WE WONT BE STUCK IN PURGATORY AGAIN

Etoiles: Not Purgatory 2, man…

I swear if they actually do Purgatory again I’m quitting QSMP and deleting my entire QSMP archive

(This is a joke but I AM frickin dipping if we have to go back to Purgatory, that sucked so bad)

Awh, Etoiles saying he glitched out and that’s why he was able to see Richarlyson :(((

Tubbo trying to gaslight them, Tubbo please we all saw the video, but it doesn’t matter because all the rules and Eye commentary videos were confusing

I do genuinely wonder if that really WAS RNG though. Man…..

PFTTT NOT ETOILES BEING LIKE “Hey didn’t Maximus kill all the Eggs with that bomb.”

“HOW DID HE BUILD THAT?” have you considered that Maximus is just built different, Tubbo?

Why is Maximus’ ass a lore-relevant conversation MULTIPLE times. Bruh.

Yeah they’re talking about having to go back to Purgatory. If they have to go back I actually don’t think I’ll watch it. Or at least, like I said in the beginning, I’ll only watch Phil’s POV. I tried to enjoy it as much as I could, but that entire thing for 2 weeks was way too long. I block a lot of stuff and try to avoid Twitter, but even then I saw a lot of the negative fandom stuff, and how it affected different streamers. I think everyone – CCs and fans included – got burnt out by Purgatory. I know it wasn’t designed to appeal to me personally, and I acknowledge that, but I’m still sharing my thoughts because this is a liveblog (and this is also my post on my blog, lmao). There were moments where I had fun in Purgatory, sure, but I don’t want to experience any of that again. Like, I give the Election debates a lot of crap, but at least there were only 3 of them and at least they weren’t 2 weeks long.

Right now, my thinking is that if players DO have to go back to Purgatory, it will be optional, and hopefully the admins will completely revamp how Purgatory was designed (which I think will be the case because the Eye mentioned “new games”). I know they tried really hard, and I know the immediate negative feedback from the community was really disappointing and demoralizing for them. I hope they’re motivated to fix things, but even if they did make major changes… I dunno man. I’m so burnt out. I just wanna go back to Quesadilla Island so everyone can return to the storylines and lore they were working on before Purgatory interrupted things. Maybe after a few weeks back on the Island I’ll feel ok enough to watch more Purgatory content, but right now the idea of them having to go back makes me so tired.

Again, this is all just personal complaints, and I love the admins, but I’m just tired lol, and it doesn’t help that I’m staying up late to finish watching this VOD so I won’t fall even more behind than I already have.

Once again, I don’t feel the need to apologize for complaining about these things since this is my blog and these are genuine feelings I’m having rn. There are definitely MANY things that need to be improved about Purgatory if they want players to return there someday, but despite all that I want to emphasize that I still appreciate the admins and the work they do.

EDIT: WAIT NEVERMIND I JUST SAW THE TWEET, THIS IS THE BEST POSSIBLE THING THEY COULD"VE DONE. I almost wish I played Minecraft now.

Quackity + QSMP team thank you for dropping this tweet, this 100% changed my opinion of the Purgatory ending thank you.

[ Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 ]

[reireisama]

YO IM BACK WITH ANOTHER HNK EPISODE LOLOL. Sorry i've been slacking off but ig we gotta work. I have my hnk phase back again so lesgo shgsheg

2. ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* Late Night Talk✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 

Burma Ruby pov.

It was late at night and i couldn't fall asleep. Those weird sounds scared me everytime i tried to close my eyes. That's how i ended up sitting on my bed with a sword hugged tightly to my chest. What is making those sounds... does people don't know that we need to sleep? I looked out of the window, it was still dark outside and it didn't seem like it'll get bright any time. "What am I supposed to do now... It's so scary, and dark... and scary..." I thought and started trembling. Then a thought entered my mind, what if Larimar is still somewhere outside? I wonder, how does she survive without sleeping? That's just... weird. But what if something happened to her while she tried walking back to the school? I need to find her right now! And no, of course it's not an excuse to just spend time with her because i'm scared, of course not.

I walked out of the school without the sword now, since Lunarians won't come in the night. I tried to spot a blue light shining somewhere in the grass but i couldn't find anything. "Where are you, Larimar?" I said to myself and looked around again. I walked around like that for good 15 minutes until i spotted someone sitting at the shore. Could this be Larimar? Thank god! But... what is she doing? Larimar was spinning around slowly, one of her hands held out to the side and the other one bend in front of her like she was leaning on something. Is this what you call dancing? I ran up to her and tapped her shoulder. She stopped moving and turned her head around. "Burmy?" She asked and rested her hands alongside her body. I answered with a quick "mhm". She seemed surprised that i'm here, she turned her whole body to look at me directly. "What are you doing here? It's really late, you should be sleeping!" Larimar held the strands of her hair. "I could ask you the same..." I paused and looked at her from head to toe "What.. were you doing?" I asked and narrowed my eyebrows. A smile appeared on Larimar's face, she giggled a little bit. She seemed excited to tell me about the thing she was doing a moment ago.

"I just imagine some music playing and i start moving to the rhythm. Want to try with me?" Larimar asked and held her hands out. "Umm... Sure, i guess i can try" I replied and placed my hands in hers. "Alright, i'll hum a melody that comes into my mind and we'll try to move with the rhythm" She said focused on coming up with a melody. When she was ready, she sighed and started humming a slow song. I wasn't really sure what kind of moves to make until Larimar started leading me. We moved around making slow circles in the sand. When the melody got faster, Larimar started moving her whole body, not only her legs. She moved closer to me and put her left hand around my shoulder which made our bodies touch. Now i didn't know what to do. My right hand was free and it was just wandering around Larimar's back. She was still leading me with our moves and smiling brightly. It seems that she likes to do that and sharing her interest with me made her happy. We had fun for next a couple of minutes, then i felt my legs getting weak. Is it because i'm awake at this hour? I closed my eyes trying not to fall, but i could feel getting weaker and weaker with every moment. Larimar stopped humming and moving around, i felt her hands under my armpits. After that, i couldn't feel anything, everything went black.

*＊✿❀❀✿＊*

I opened my eyes a little bit to see Larimar looking down at me. She looked like... an angel. She looked awesome in the light her hair generated, I could look at her for ages. Tho, she seemed concerned even if i could only see her eyebrows and mouth. "Burmy? Are you alright?" She asked and looked at me closely. I nodded slowly while trying to sit up, which didn't succed. "It seems like your body can't work in the night... I should take you back to the school, come here" She said quietly and lifted me up. She held my thighs so i won't fall and started walking towards the school. I wrapped my arms around her and buried my face in her shiny hair. "Why did you even leave your room in the night?" She asked while not even stopping. I felt embarrassed to tell her about it but i guess she needs an explanation. "Umm... I couldn't sleep because of some weird noises. I'm actually really started of darkness and nights in general. The only person i could think of to make me feel better, was you. So i came outside looking for you, since you're always outside" I answered her and looked at the road behind Larimar. She smiled and patted my back. I think this is the moment i should ask her about something. "Larimar, why are you never if your dormitory? Don't you feel weak in the night too?" I asked and grabbed some of Larimars hair. She hummed and answered my question. "Well, i do feel weak in the night, but i don't feel the need to go to sleep. I don't know if i can sleep since... it would feel the same. I don't think i would even notice if i went to sleep" I nodded and continued playing with her hair. Still, she could try to sleep, it would be good for her. Maybe i'll try to make her sleep with me... Wait- what am i thinking!? That's weird! I should stop thinking of Larimar that way, she's just my teammate, nothing more! But... i feel different about her after i saw her literally gleaming while looking down at me. We continued our journey in silence.

*＊✿❀❀✿＊*

Larimar laid me down on my bed and sat next to me. "Do you want me to stay with you?" She asked and took the blanket into her hands. I nodded slowly after a minute of hesitation. Larimar smiled and covered me with the blanket. "I'll just sit here and wait for you to fall asleep" She said and put her hands on her knees. Is she going to just sit here? I think she should try to sleep too... "Larimar, could you lay next to me for a second?" I asked her and grabbed her wrist. Larimar seemed a little bit questionable but she did as i said. Now, she was laying next to me and staring at the ceiling. "Tell me, do you have your eyes closed while they're tied with a bandage?" I asked her and moved my hand towards her face. She nodded quickly and didn't move an inch. "Then... can i take off the bandage? I just want to see your face without it" I asked politely and put my hand over Larimars eyes. She opened her mouth to say something, but nothing came out of her throat. "I... don't want you to look at me yet. You may get scared of me, I don't want that" She took my hand in hers and placed it on her chest. I nodded while looking at what she's going to do with my hand. I moved closer to her and rested my head on her shoulder. I could feel Larimar relaxing and... falling asleep? Did i really make her fall asleep just now? Wow... I feel special! I sighed and felt Larimars head turning to me, then she whispered into my ear. "That's kind of cute that you're scared of darkness, it makes me want to protect you even more hehe..." She paused to bring my hand closer to her lips "You're such a cutie, Burmy"

~~~~~~~

I'm dissappointed that i wrote so little lmaoooo but i guess that works i'll probably write something tomorrow so see ya <3

[simplyvillainy]

Hi! I’m Vi!

This is my sideblog where I post about QSMP! Mainly fit, pac, and bbh, but I watch multiple povs so it varies :D

If you like QSMP please follow or interact with me! I love talking about it and sharing theories, hcs, etc!

(Below are some links for more of my QSMP writing)

Here’s an example of some of my hideduo rambling:

ALSO!! I wrote an angsty fic about tubbo and fred after the funeral, which used a tumblr poll to decide the ending! If you want to check that out it’s on my Ao3

[maryihem567]

Halloween in Pennsylvania

Miw story

6 . Memories

Mary pov

I m laying down in the bed " can i enter " say re " yes " i said , she sit in the bed with me " are you okay " she said " not , really " i said " he really say you die " she ask " yes "

1 year before

This is summer camp , like everything was summer but this summer was différent . The night i was arrive, we were at the campsite bar , there was party . Or Éverybody dancing and i met him , i just look at him dancing , i told myself he was différent than the others. We watch each other all this summer and i say nothing to him , i heard is name listen to others .there was another boy too , who as the same style as me, he' s cool , is name is Gabriel . He play guitar, one time we play at karoke at the bar " that was cool , i love your style " said die lane to Gabriel after we play " thank you " said Gabriel, he just look at me . Gabriel go and we never saw her again , i think die lane love him but thats another story. We watch each other every summer but its différent . And last summer 1 year ago he tell something . One night in the full moon , i watch him " why do you watching me , what do want from me , GO DIE" he said, i was anger " i wish you are werewolf , a monster " i said, he laughing with is friend and i go , i drive without knowing where to go , just the light in the street. After that i return to my maubilome and cut my hair . I walking in camp and i wake up the death , we scare people and we heard wolf scream , I succed .

" this guys deservers it " say jess , we look at them " sorry , i just listen the story " them continue " yeah this guys is horrible " re say " i thought that you have cut your hair because of vinny " jess say " yeah a lil bit but thats another things " i said .

[alwaysmypearl]

It’s finally here: A Whole Chapter

This is a chapter from my (currently) unnamed AU about Haymitch going into the Quell with Katniss instead of Peeta. This is in Peeta’s POV! Tell me what you think, and enjoy my friends :) *sorry if it’s formatted a little weird- idk what tumblr did to it*

The cameras circle the arena. The sun beats down and makes the water below shimmer like diamonds. Surrounding the cornucopia and the circular tribute podium is wavy, persistent water. Katniss lifts her head from my shoulder, squeezes my arm, and softly gasps. I glance at the screen in time to see the cameras zoom on the faces of the tributes. Victor after victors face shows until the screen lands on one tribute who’s not a victor at all. It’s a child. She can’t be any older than 12. Her face is round and soft, light freckles splatter her cheeks as if she spends all day being kissed by the sun. Her dark brown hair falls in a long braid down her back. Her eyes are a piercing blue. They are large and terrified as they dart in every direction possible. I’ve never seen this tribute, but somehow- I know exactly who she is. She’s my child. Mine and Katniss’ child, to be exact. The child I have always dreamt of- until I stepped out of the 74th arena. Until I was crowned a victor. Until I realized that the odds were never in my favor, and any child of mine or Katniss’ had a standing reservation in the training center penthouse. Katniss stands to my right. I go to grab her hand, but she pulls it back like I burnt her. Her eyes meet mine, and though they’re watery, the tears do nothing to put out the fire that’s boring into me.

“Peeta! Do something! Are you gonna let them kill her?”

“Katniss, I-“

“No! You’re her father! You’re supposed to protect her!”

My cheeks are burning. Burning from the heat of Katniss’s anger, the embarrassment of causing a scene around the surrounding victors, and the shame of not being able to protect the life I helped create. The life I am responsible for.

“Katniss I can’t, you know I can’t.”

“Yes you can! But you’re just sitting there! You have to help her, Peeta.”

I can barely look at her. “Please sit down, Katniss.”

A look of recognition crosses her face, and she sits. She buries her head in my shirt, just like she did when she found out I lost my leg in our Ceasar Flickerman interview. I feel her body rack with sobs, and the dampness of her tears and snot soak my dress shirt all the way through. All I can do is swallow the lump in my own throat, and stroke her arm as the gong goes off. I can’t even watch. I squeeze my eyes shut as hard as I can, and Katniss sobs my name over and over.

“Peeta, no...Peeta...Peeta, please...”

“Peeta? Peeta, are you okay honey? Maybe you should go take a break? Peeta! Please answer me!”

Katniss fades from view as I realize it is not her saying my name, but Effie. She continues to jostle my shoulder as the world around me becomes clearer. Was I having an awake nightmare? It is not my child that appears onscreen, it is Katniss. She has gone into her second arena without me, and I have to keep her alive from the lofty mentor room I seem to be trapped in.

I turn my head towards Effie and run my hands down my face.

“I’m okay, Effie. Thank you. I just- went somewhere for a minute. I’m here. I’m okay. I don’t need a minute. I’m not leaving this room-I can’t.”

Effie’s eyes dart to the ground and she grabs my hand.

“It’s okay dear. I’m going to stay here with you too. I don’t usually watch with Haymitch...”

Her voice trails off at the mention of his name. I know she cares for him, I do. She cares for all of us. But there’s something about Haymitch- that’s probably a thought for later.

She waves at an avox standing on the wall to our left.

“Excuse me, can we get a glass of ice water for our mentor here?” The avox nods, and walks away. “Thank you!”

She waves in the general direction of the avox and faces back to me.

It’s going to be okay. It’s going to be okay. If I don’t continue to repeat that, I will fall apart. I will succumb to the burning that lives in my chest, and crash and burn until I am nothing but embers.

Wouldn’t that be fitting for the husband of the Girl on Fire?

But that’s what Snow wants. To break me. And even now, in the Capitol a year later, I still promised myself not to become a piece in their games. In Snow’s game.

The mentors watch the game from a broadcast room. It is split level and fully chrome, with the front wall of the room a floor to ceiling broadcast of the arena. Each District team has a small curved couch, with a coffee table in the middle. The coffee table is high tech. It has two small screens, so you can see the faces of both of your tributes at all times, plus their relative heartbeat and position in the arena because of their tracker. It also has screens where gifts for your tributes can be ordered.

The back of the room is where the upper level and Districts 1 through 6 are stationed. I imagine the higher level is necessary for all of the mentors to have a good view of the screen at all times. I honestly wish I didn’t.

Most of the mentors stay at their designated “stations”, but when the game gets boring they mingle and enjoy drinks together. Most of these people have been friends for years. They’ve taken me in as one of their own relatively fast. I have been able to strategize with them and get to know all of them within the few days we’ve all been in the Capitol. They pat me on the back, laugh at my jokes, and congratulate me on the baby and the marriage. Occasionally I see a look of pity fall across their eyes, as they remember that the odds have never been and are not in my favor.

I wish that Katniss and Haymitch were here.

I wish I wasn’t doing this all alone. I didn’t think I would ever have to. We have always faced the Capitol, the Games, the train, the nightmares- together. Being alone, being scared for Katniss (and Haymitch, I’ll admit), mixed with dwelling on our future, has created some gnarly nightmares and terrifying day dreams the past few days. Making Haymitch drop the marriage-and-baby-bomb during the interview didn’t help. Though the Capitol citizens are mourning a pregnant Katniss walking through the arena, I am mourning a life stolen from us.

The number on the screen is now at 5.

4...

3...

2...

1...

The gong sounds and Effie jumps as the avox places the ice water down on our table. I thank them as Katniss dives straight in the water, no doubt heading for the golden bow and arrows nestled in the cornucopia ahead of her. She can swim? How? I haven’t even had time to think about the possibility of her drowning.

There must be a lake in her woods.

She hoists herself onto the cornucopia, and reaches for the bow and arrow at the same time as Finnick reaches for a trident.

I hope she sees the token I gave to him in haste last night, but my thoughts are corrected as she loads an arrow in her bow and aims for him. She doesn’t trust him, but I want her to.

Finnick smiles at her on screen.

“Woah, there Girl on Fire. You wouldn’t shoot your ally this early in the game, would ya?”

Her brow furrows as her eyes meet the mockingjay necklace, that was originally mine, resting in the middle of Finnick’s chest. He smirks as he watches her connect the dots in front of him.

Effie is saying something about “How could you!” and “That was special for our team!” but I don’t pay her any mind.

“Your husband gave it to me. Kind of him, right? Hope you don’t mind that we’re matching.”

She scoffs and lowers her bow.

“He is kind. Not that you know much-“

Finnick interrupts her with a firm “Duck!” and as she does, he sends a trident into another victor that was tearing towards them.

“Grab everything you want and let’s get out of here!” Finnick yells as they begin to move about the small island.

Katniss sends a few arrows after Cashmere, Gloss, Enobaria, and Brutus. Though none of them find their mark, she successfully holds them off, and her and Finnick are tearing down a small strip of land towards a trapped Haymitch, still on his podium.

Katniss begins to rid herself of weapons, preparing to jump in and retrieve him when Finnick assures her he can. A scowl crosses her face as she watches him swim- I can tell she hasn’t fully resolved to trust him yet. But she trusts me, and that seems to be enough.

She pulls Haymitch onto the land with a groan, and he greets her with a quick hug and says, “Fancy seeing you here, sweetheart. Find any liquor in the cornucopia?”

Effie scoffs and Katniss rolls her eyes.

“Ugh, I miss Peeta. Maybe if you’re nice to me he’ll send you some.”

I miss you too. So much.

Haymitch groans. “Guess I’m out of luck.”

Once the full group is formed, upon the retrieval of a floating Mags, all four of them begin their trek through the surrounding jungle. Finnick carries Mags on his back, and Katniss continually checks on Haymitch as he slowly but surely brings up the rear.

I glance at her on the monitor on the table. She looks warm. Sweat lines her hairline, it must be humid in the arena. Otherwise, she’s glowing. Like always. Her heart rate is high, but coming down from the adrenaline rush of the bloodbath. Her voice breaks me out of my daze.

“Finnick?” He stops and turns to look at her.

“The vines are starting to grow up more as we walk. I’ll take the front and slash them with my knife. Can you take the rear and watch Haymitch’s back?”

Haymitch scoffs. “I’m fine, girl.”

She turns to snap at him. “Shut up, old man.”

I smirk to myself. My girl is the same anywhere. Even in an arena of murderers.

“There’s no reason I can’t lead. We’ll find a place to settle soon.”

Finnick seems slightly worried, but I’m not sure why. He promised me he would protect her, but I know she can handle taking the lead.

“Katniss, are you sure you’re okay? I don’t want you to over-exert yourself with the baby.” Finnick gives her his famous gleam. I feel the other mentors’ gazes land on the back of my head. I know she’ll be fine taking the lead, but he’s doing a good job reminding her of the baby angle. There is a small part of me that wishes she would stay sandwiched in between Finnick and Haymitch though.

However, that gleam doesn’t work on Katniss. She rolls her eyes and groans.

“I’m pregnant, not weak. I’m fine.” I can tell that she struggles to get the word pregnant out of her mouth, but knows she has to keep it up for the show.

She looks up to the sky with her hand resting on her abdomen. “We’re fine, Peeta! I am taking the lead whether the rest of you like it or not!”

I’m sure all of Panem is swooning at her calling to me from inside the arena, and I smile myself.

Effie gives her a small clap.

We watch Katniss trek though the jungle, slashing the vines down as the two men and Mags follow behind her. She’s looking for water and shelter still, she must be dehydrated now. Maybe I should send water.

As I touch the tribute gift screen to check the prices, I hear Finnick start to call Katniss’ name.

My head snaps up as Katniss’ knife slices into a vine, but a loud buzzing fills the air and she is blown back about 8 feet. A force field?

Effie gasps, and I immediately stand. Her name falls from my lips, and the mentor room is silent as the broadcast zooms into her unconscious face.

The flashing 102 of her heartbeat on my monitor turns to just a flashing pair of dashes. The monitor goes dark as I hear Ceasar Flickerman’s voice fill the room on the broadcast.

“Have my eyes deceived me, Claudius? We haven’t lost the Girl on Fire, have we?”

Lost. That word echoes in my head until unparalleled pressure fills my ears and blocks out everything.

On screen, Haymitch rushes to her side, while Finnick seems as frozen as I feel.

Haymitch cups her jaw with one hand and her shoulder with the other. He’s shaking her.

“Katniss! Come on girl, you can’t do this. Come on, sweetheart.”

The nickname shatters my chest into a million pieces. A troubled noise, somewhere between a sob and a groan of pain, tears up my throat and I fall back onto the couch.

The last thing I want is for the rest of the mentors to see me cry, but I’m hoping they’ll be understanding, considering my circumstances. It can’t be easy for them either. They’re all losing their friends. I’m sure they’ll excuse my display of pain over losing my wife.

The shattering in my chest comes to a head, and I can no longer hold any of it together. I sob into my hands and rock back and forth, hoping that will soothe whatever is happening in my body right now. The pressure, the burning- the distinct breaking in two.

I survived the Hunger Games, and yet, there is no pain to match the kind that radiates through my chest right now. I think dying on the riverbank feels like a paper cut in comparison to this.

I feel two strong hands force my shoulders up and interrupt my crying. Oak, the mentor from District 11. Another one of Haymitch and Chaff’s friends.

He leans close to my ear. “Look, boy.”

I glance to the screen as Finnicks lips lock with Katniss’.

He’s....kissing her? I watch her chest rise and fall. What is happening? I thought she wasn’t breathing?

His hands move to her sternum, and he presses into her chest with a distinct rhythm.

I hear Claudius Templesmith as I regain bits of my hearing.

“Ceasar, this is a first in Hunger Games history. Finnick Odair is giving Katniss Everdeen CPR!”

Effie gasps again and grabs for my hand. I squeeze hers back. I need something to tether me to the world anyway.

Oaks hands stay firm on my shoulders, keeping me in place to watch the screen, and grounding me here as well.

CPR. Must be some kind of medical technique to restart her heart. It has to work, right?

Haymitch calls out to her again. He is sitting across from them against the bark of a tree. He keeps looking into the air to will the tears that are forming back into his skull.

“Come on, sweetheart. Peeta. Prim. You gotta go home to them, girl. I bet you’re scaring that boy half to death.”

Haymitch is right. I feel like I am floating between the living and the dying, right alongside Katniss. Wherever she goes, I will follow. And right now, I’m not so sure we’ll both land on the side of the living.

I whisper into the air, talking to myself and not caring if Oak and Effie hear me.

“Stay with me, Katniss. You have to. Stay with me.”

Effie definitely hears me, and let’s out a strangled squeak in response. If I’m lucky, she’ll make it back to me and be able to finish the other half of our sentiment.

In the middle of Finnick’s next round of pulses, Katniss’ eyelashes flutter, and she takes a gasp for air.

Her monitor on the coffee table springs to life, and a bright red 42 flashes in places of the dashes.

I take my first full breath at the same time as Haymitch, Finnick, Effie, and the rest of the mentor room. The rest of the world, I think.

I feel myself float back into my body as Haymitch scrambles toward her and pulls her into his lap. Her head rests in the crook of his neck and I hear her take another large, gasping breath.

Haymitch clutches her braid like she could slip through his fingers any moment. He scolds her like a small child. “Dammit, don’t do that again girl. You scared the shit out of me. We lost you.”

A faint smile crosses her lips.

“What do you mean? I’m right here, old man. There’s a force field up ahead you know. I had to see if it was working.”

All four of them on screen give a breathy laugh and a sigh of relief.

Effie pulls me into a tight hug as I hear the rest of the room erupt in claps, whistles, cheers, and relieved laughter. They’re cheering for her.

I can’t help but smile as I finally allow warmth to refill my bones and piece me back together.

I stand and give Oak a hug as well. As I pull back, I shake his hand firmly, and he pats my arm.

“Your girl is a survivor. Don’t lose hope too fast, son.”

I nod and thank him. If Katniss is anything, she is a survivor.

I look back at the screen and stare at her face, wishing I could hold her. Wishing I could feel her face in my hands.

She looks up at the sky again as she crawls out of Haymitch’s lap and settles against a tree trunk. Her eyes blink slowly, and color starts to return to her face. I think she’s looking for me. Or at me.

“I’m okay, Peeta. I promise. I’m gonna stay with you. Always.” She blows me a kiss into the sky, and I pretend to catch it- though it seems a little girlish for the surly and strong woman I know. Maybe she’s a little loopy. Maybe she’s just glad she’s alive and needs some way to show me affection. I don’t care the reason. I’ll take it.

Effie giggles, and I smile as Katniss settles her heavy head against the trunk of the tree behind her.

“Oh, I think we should celebrate Peeta!” Effie squeals into my ear, and I bring her in for another hug.

“It’s not over yet, Effie.”

It’s not over yet. But my girl is a survivor.

[giveemhales]

One of the few bright spots of 2020 for me was that it allowed me the chance to read more fanfic than ever before, and I was able to join the Sterek fandom!

I have read literally hundreds of Sterek fics and met many wonderful people! So I figured i should celebrate!

I’ve compiled a list of my favorite Sterek fics that were published in 2020. There were over 5000 sterek fics published on ao3 this year, so obviously there are many great stories not being included, and all of this is based on my own preferences. Still, I think there’s something on here for everyone, so I suggest y’all check some of these out! (I personally recommend all of these, but please heed the tags and warnings as always)

So without further ado...

My top 30 Sterek fics of 2020 (sorted by length):

Much Ado About You Two by @clotpolesonly (2k, professor!stiles, professor!derek, POV outsider, pure fluff)

The Animal Inside by @churkey (3k, canon divergence, feral derek (with a twist), crack and fluff)

I’m a Hell of a Night by @spaceprincessem (5k, werewolves of the pack are kidnapped, stiles and the ladies save them, BAMF!stiles, established relationship, mates, angst with a happy ending)

isn’t all about what you see, (how do i look to you?) by @oinkoikawas (5k, canon compliant, character study, stiles has adhd, derek is kind of an asshole for a bit, this one really hurt me, angst with a happy ending)

Poetry in the Raw by @jmeelee (5k, 5 times stiles didn’t know derek’s middle name + 1 time he did, (light) angst and fluff and humor and smut)

Like a Good Neighbor by Saphire308 (state farm agent!derek, magic stiles, oblivious stiles, mutual pining, alive hale family, (light) angst and fluff and humor)

You Were Built On Ashes by wanderingeyre and art by @deancebra-art (12k, canon divergent, feral derek, full wolf!derek, pack feels, hurt/comfort, angst and fluff)

Blush by ahhhhh_linguine (12k, future fic, established relationship, praise kink, light dom/sub, fluff and smut)

Call a Richard’s Nickname by @isthatbloodonhisshirt (14k, human AU, construction worker!derek, phone operater (or something like that)!stiles, derek likes stiles’ voices, stackson bro-tp, fluff and humor)

For The Love of Tom Nook! by @nightshine629 (aka one of my fav ppl!) (17k, just two boys playing animal crossing and falling in love, angst and fluff and humor)

On my Way by Gia279 (17k, snow storms, stuck in a cabin together, dogs, writer/artist!stiles, writer/artist!derek, snuggling, (very light) angst and (lots of) fluff)

Birds Eye View by @happyjuicyfruit (20k, please heed the warnings, kidnapped and tortured stiles, magical stiles, bad friend!scott, recovery, hurt/comfort, angst with a happy ending)

Don’t know how to reach you when you get like this (waiting for you to come home) by @dearericbittle (21k, feral derek, magic stiles, alive hale family, senator!talia, curses, mates, angst and fluff)

Deep into the Woods by @paxterhobber (23k, feral derek, homeless stiles, hale house, first time, angst and fluff)

Catching Your Breath (in seven simple steps) by @onibaloney (29k, future fic/canon-divergent, falling in love, college student!stiles, alpha!derek, angst and fluff and smut)

Break Me Into Halves by @swlfangirl (30k, Pretty Woman AU, rich stiles, sex worker!derek, mutual pining, angst and fluff and smut)

Watch as the waves, fall back into place. by DropsOfAddiction (32k, future fic, mutual pining, (literal) found family, FBI agent!stiles, (light) angst and fluff and smut)

How to Chain Your Dragon by LessonsFromMoths (34k, how to train your dragon AU, dragon!stiles, hurt stiles, derek is still a werewolf, angst and fluff)

The Key to Your Heart by @halehathnofury (35k, a/b/o dynamics, alpha!stiles, omega!derek, journalist!stiles, alive hale family, courting, grouchy derek, (slight) angst and fluff and smut)

All the King’s Horses by @dexterous-sinistrous (44k, royalty AU, historical AU, prince!derek, courtesan!stiles, mpreg, hurt/comfort, angst with a happy ending and smut)

Rejection Sucks by Witchgirl (Unosarta) (44k, canon divergent, stiles is pushed out of the pack, scott tries to be a good friend, derek is bad at feelings and kind of a dick at first, magical stiles, stiles has a familiar and its a duck, angst and fluff and humor and smut)

I’d Do Anything (for you) by @everything-a-wolf-could-want (46k, future fic, mates, magical stiles, BAMF!stiles, post-nogitsune stiles, resurrections, angst and fluff and smut)

Sex Therapy by @livinginfictions (51k, friends with benefits to lovers, werewolf reveal, stiles deserves better so derek gives him better, angst and fluff and smut)

It’s (Not) a Cult by lhr111 (56k, Stiles is new in town, the pack loves stiles, mates, hate to love, spark!stiles, alpha!Derek, angst and fluff and humor)

The Werewolf Companion by @mothdustmouth (64k, touch starved derek, stiles is his “companion,” werewolves are known, misunderstandings, angst and fluff and smut)

Pretty Little Wolf by @super-wolf-sterek (84k, soulmates, BAMF!stiles, spark!stiles, stiles is no longer pack, stiles saves derek, tattooed and pierced stiles, angst and fluff and smut)

Puzzle Pieces by @isthatbloodonhisshirt (resort AU, winter fling, mates, college student!stiles, resort worker!derek, alive hale family, idiots in love, angst and fluff and humor and smut)

Post Hoc Ergo Propter Hoc by @crushing83 (100k, pre-sterek, stiles has a twin, BAMF!stiles, spark!stiles, stiles is pushed out of the pack, the whole pack just really sucks, secret identity, flashbacks, angst with a happy ending)

When the Universe Comes Knocking (It’s Polite to Open the Door) by @isthatbloodonhisshirt (135k, idiot boys in love, boss!derek, assistant!stiles, werewolves are known, mates, miscommunication, stackson brotp, angst and fluff and humor and smut)

Manipulated by DearDaisy (Sunsetdaydreams) (221k, stiles is pushed out of the pack, BAMF!stiles, slow burn, bad friend!scott, miscommunication, so much happens tbh, angst with a happy ending)

+6 WIPs I can’t wait to (hopefully) see more of in 2021:

The Black Wolf of Beacon Hills by @when-she-writes-stuff (17k, canon divergence (alternate meeting), feral derek, full wolf derek, hurt derek, BAMF!stiles, angst and fluff and humor) (in general am excited to see anything she comes up with for 2021 ;))

for a good time, call... by @evanesdust (30k, a/b/o dynamics, alpha!derek, omega!stiles, meet weird, werewolves are known, misunderstandings, stiles is oblivious and insecure, fake/pretend relationship, angst and fluff and humor and smut)

The Beast of Gevaudan by @halehathnofury (37k, historical AU, mage!stiles, wolf!derek, hunting, dark magic, angst with a happy ending (... I assume))

Somewhere To Rest Your Bones by @the-daughter-of-swords (52k, werewolves are slaves, post-nogitsune stiles, both boys have lots of trauma, both are doing their best, the sheriff is a good dad, angst and fluff) (please heed the tags- this fic is very dark and I have already cried, it’s a wonderful fic but mental health should always come first!)

Same Old Song and Dance by @halevetica (59k, hunter!stiles, stiles was raised by argents, enemies to friends to lovers, angst with a happy ending (... I assume))

Superheroes by @dream-mancer (70k, MCU crossover, also features stucky, focus on PTSD and recovery, BAMF!stiles, angst and fluff and humor)

+3 author’s collections to check out:

A Collection of One-Shots and Tumblr Prompts by @when-she-writes-stuff (100 works, mostly sterek, all great)

Spreading Positivity 2020 by @isthatbloodonhisshirt (50 works, all sterek, all great)

Full Moon Fic(let) by @darkjediqueen (30 works, mostly sterek, all great)

I hope everyone finds something they enjoy! And to all the content creators out there: thank you!

Happy New Year! Hope everyone has a good 2021!

[aimmyarrowshigh]

Fic authors self-rec! ✨ When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you’ve written, then pass on to at least five other writers (if you would like to)!

I also got tagged in this ages ago by @morethanonepage, whose own answers are very lovely and inspiring, so this is a response to that tag as well!

What They Don't Tell You About History - The Hunger Games, Matched Trilogy, Across the Universe/Godspeed Trilogy

This is the first of my fics that comes to mind whenever anyone asks what my favorite fic is that I've written, but basically no one has read it because it's a crossover with two nonexistent fandoms for mid-list books and because it's written in second-person POV slash collective-first person Greek chorus. It's OLD now, too; I wrote it in 2011, so the fact that I still like it speaks volumes to me. But it turned out exactly how I wanted it to turn out, and I think I still pull a lot of headcanon for all three series from this story -- that they're all in one continuum of dystopia, rather than three separate dystopias is way more interesting to me and, I think, much more reflective of how actual history works (cause/effect) than just like, pretending that dystopian systems rise out of nowhere.

I feel like this is also kind of a ~last hurrah for me of really experimental, weird, LiveJournally fic, in terms of it being in second-person and being a three-directional crossover. You don't really see that many fics these days that are just balls to the wall experimental weird fiction, you know? I think the isolation of locked communities on LJ, where you knew that the only people who were going to read your story were people who genuinely liked the thing you were writing about and, really, were people you knew on some level, made it a lot easier to say, "Fuck it, I'm going to write in second-person/in the style of House of Leaves/a crossover with this tiny fandom I wish more people liked/tentacles" than the Googleable public nature of AO3.

I also think this fic is interesting to go back to after more than a decade and see where my political fears were prior to the 2012 presidential election, and how much FUCKING NIGHTMARE WORSE things have gotten since then. Like, we didn't even really consider 11 years ago just how bad things could get so QUICKLY, even when we were writing about them BEING THIS BAD. The central villains of the fic are analogs of Glenn Beck and Sarah Palin, and I would never have fucking considered the existence of an Amy Coney Barrett or a Brett Kavanaugh actually making it onto SCOTUS, or that Tr*mp would ever have been more than a rabblerousing birther game-show host. But Matched is a trilogy about the loss of reproductive freedom and Godspeed is a trilogy about what happens to Earth when all of its capable leaders are gone and you're left with charlatans, and of course we all know the mixing of reality television and politics that created The Hunger Games.

It's just a fic that feels very, very old, and very, very new at the same time. And I am still proud of it.

Representative passage:

Permit us the luxury of telling you this story out of order. If the past has taught us anything, it’s that perhaps Order is wrong. Oh, it’s not capitalized anymore, is it. Order. It’s only order now.

Apologies, apologies. You’re the first to inquire about this story and it’s a little hard to tell. A little hard to hear.

What you need to understand is this: these people are not heroes. They are ordinary people – girls, mostly, and a few very good boys – who did what they needed to do to save their own lives, the lives of their families and friends and the children that they did not think they would ever have.

But there are villains in this story. There are very bad people – women, mostly, and a few very bad men – who will have no redemption. If you are looking for a tale of peace and understanding and conflict resolution, this story is not that one. This story is what happened to the United States of America, and it is not a pretty story. There is blood, and there are dead children, and there are words, so many words, such a horrific carnage of words that are lost.

So please, permit us the luxury of lingering over our own. We don’t know when they will be taken from us.

A Constraint That Makes It Possible to Fly - Star Wars

This is by far the best fic that I've written since like 2017, which is kind of sad, but also, see above, we have been living in a nightmare hellscape since 2016 and I think it's been hard, in general, to write. This fic is also FUN, and SCARY, and SWEET, and ALL THE THINGS, which is also very Star Wars, so I think that it fits the tone of its franchise well. It's marked as incomplete and I guess technically it is -- I can go back to it any time and add more, if I have the urge -- but it's not a cliffhanger or anything. It's also kind of weird and experimental, in terms of being a nonlinear drabble collection that follows a set storyline.

The premise was really fun to play with, too, because it can be spun so many ways: what if everyone in Star Wars had wings that displayed their Force-sensitivity?

Well, everyone would know that Padme was carrying a Jedi's children. Luke and Leia would both grow up knowing they were Force-sensitive. Vader would have known Leia felt the loss of Alderaan through the Force and relished in her pain. The Jedi who survived Order 66 would have to hide a visible, instead of invisible, part of themselves. FINN, wings bursting out of his 'trooper armor at Tuanul against all odds.

I also played with all of my favorite totally unsupported headcanons, like Rey being Han/Leia's kid LIKE SHE WAS WRITTEN IN TFA HARRUMPH and Cassian having spent time as Bail's page and Padme surviving the birth of the twins and, and, and. I just really enjoy(ed) writing this story.

The titles for each drabble are also my favorite titles that I've come up with, because they're each a line from a different poem or song about birds!

Representative passage:

#32: Each Separate Dying Ember Wrought Its Ghost Upon the Floor

Darth Vader sees the Princess of Alderaan for the first time unconscious, when she is carried onto the Death Star by stormtroopers.

Those wings—

Rage fills both Darth Vader and the last, dying kernel of Anakin Skywalker. Those wings look like the ones he used to have, before Obi-Wan Kenobi betrayed him. Before that woman betrayed him.

Before the Force itself betrayed him.

There is no way that this—this—this rebel scum could be a Jedi. The Emperor, in his wisdom, would know if any Jedi still lived. And that woman told him—

She had drowned Anakin Skywalker's children.

Valor, Valeria - The Hunger Games

Another oldie. You know what it is? I'm trying to answer this with five fics that I actually wrote without a co-writer and most of my favorites/the ones that I think hold up have been co-written, because the vast majority of my longfics have been co-written. But if I answered with those, all of the reasoning would be "I had a lot of fun writing it with _____" and that doesn't really get into why I like the FIC, it gets into why I liked the PROCESS. And that's a different question.

This fic was a challenge for me, because I really hadn't written Katniss/Gale before, but I was writing it as a present for Jill @poppypickle. I really like the way that I mirrored the two halves of the story (Katniss/Gale and Finnick/Annie), although some of that has been -- IMO -- lost on AO3 because you can't format things the same way as on LJ, where half of the story was left-aligned and half was right-aligned. Womp womp.

I also feel sad for my eleven-years-ago self when I read this, just because it's part of my THG "I haven't gone to therapy yet" oeuvre, but honestly, I don't think that I could have written any THG fic if I had been therapized. Or at least, I would have written such different THG fic that I don't know what it would have been -- like, the drabbles I write now are based on the headcanons and interps that I came up with back then, so they're still part of that version of myself's fic lineage.

I think that the Annie I wrote in this story is so different from every other Annie I've written that it makes the story really stand apart. She is an Annie who is unknowingly cruel in her quest for self-protection, and that's not how most people write Annie (or how I see canon!Annie fwiw), but it's a valid way for someone growing up in Panem to become, and I wanted to explore that.

Representative passage:

They didn’t bind her ankles, Finnick notices. Someday, they stop.

“You killed my Tributes,” she greets him, an easy grin on her face. She’s stunningly beautiful save the gory scar down one side of her face, through the eye and down to her jaw. If she hadn’t been Remade, she’d probably be blind.

Finnick wonders why she kept the scar at all. It doesn’t seem to have repulsed anyone in the Capitol. There are pink handprints all over her body and smears of different people all down her thighs and chest and Finnick is as scared and trapped as he was in the adobe caves of his Arena.

À La Vôtre - Anna and the French Kiss/Lola and the Boy Next Door

This fic is just Soft and Sweet and there's no big backstory behind it, I just like it. I was going through an OBVIOUSLY ABANDONED phase where I was going to try to write a fic of at least 1,000 words for every fandom on my tagslist (HA, HAHAHA, HA HA... HA) and I got about as far as Anna and the French Kiss rofl. Every once in a while I still get the urge to go back and MAKE A FANWORK FOR EVERY THING but then I remember that I... didn't, lol, and so I... don't. But maybe someday. I do really like how this turned out. Also, the only literary boy dreamier than Étienne St. Clair is Michael Motherfucking Moscovitz, so that is a HIGH COMPLIMENT to AATFK. Also also, St. Clair looks like Harry Styles in my headcanon, so there's that.

Representative passage:

The triplex looked like a pointed Dutch chalet tucked next to a palm tree. They had almost no yard, but water and trash collection were included in the rent, so no one complained. Lola mostly appreciated that they were right down the street from the MacArthur BART stop – she’d heard two very exuberant poets waxing haikus about fried fish sandwiches on the way in last night – and Anna couldn’t have been happier that they were within walking distance of UC’s Pacific Film Archive, where Cricket suspected The Couple would go watch weird French movies about les cousins dangereuses, or whatever French movies were about. Cricket had gotten a job at one of the four bike shops in the mile around their cottage, repairing fixies for hipsters and trying vehemently to deny his own inherent hipster lineage, but… he was an inventor whose girlfriend wore panniers to the winter dance; there was no denying anymore.

When Cricket first told Lola that he was moving in with Anna and Étienne at the end of the semester, she had thought he was insane.

“Are you insane?” were the first words out of her mouth. “Why would you move in with a couple? Especially Anna and St. Clair? They’re all over each other all the time! All. The time. Did I tell you that I walked in on them sucking face behind the popcorn butter bags in the supply room last weekend? Cricket, they even suck face when surrounded by bags of liquefied chemical butter.”

“They’re not that bad,” Cricket said, trailing his fingertips over the inside of Lola’s arm. “They keep their clothes on. And besides, none of us can afford to live alone, and you know how they’re always trying to save money. It’s easier if we all pool together for rent.”

Lola kissed the side of his neck in the warm, good-smelling place just beneath his ear. “Curse your financial sensibility.”

In Screaming Color - Star Wars Sequel Trilogy

I WILL FINISH THIS FIC SOMEDAY. THERE IS SO MUCH MORE WRITTEN IN ITS WORD DOCUMENT THAN EVER GOT POSTED, IT JUST NEEDS THE CONNECTIVE TISSUE.

Maybe in another 25 years when they reboot for the Sequel Sequel Trilogy, I will have another chapter ready. ::facepalm::

At any rate, I really love Poe Dameron and I love when characters go to therapy and I love BB-8 and I love prophetic Force dreams and I love Finn's mind-battling Snoke and I love Poe/Muran and I love Poe being a widow and I love sad Poe learning to love again and Rey learning to love at all. And I love Luke not being whatever the fuck he was in TLJ and instead being Luke Skywalker, and I love little younglings climbing all over Rey while she learns to fight with her lightsaber.

Someday I will finish this fic. I will. I'm gonna finish this fic someday.

Representative passage:

By the time most of the sunlight has fallen behind the canopy of leafy trees on Takodana, Poe is among the last beings left digging in the pit that used to Maz's castle. He has what he came here for: information about the black market bacta trade. He also found a new ally for the Resistance, albeit not the most useful of allies he's persuaded to their cause. Anyone willing to take a firm stand against the First Order matters, in his book.

His back and shoulders are sore from the heft of the shovel, but it's a pleasant soreness. It reminds him of peacetime back home.

All the same, he grunts when he heaves himself up and out of the pit to gather up Beebee and make the return flight back to base. His hair is probably a complete mess when he trudges up to Maz's chaise longue.

“So, my beautiful boyfriend, when are you bringing me beautiful Bey babies to cuddle?” Maz Kanata asks, still sipping blithely from her teal drink.

“That depends; when are you going to agree to marry me?” Poe asks, and he smiles down at Maz.

“Hmm!” Maz hums through her nose again. “In your dreams, you should be so lucky. I could never give up on my other boyfriends. No, Poe Dameron, I was being quite serious.”

Poe blinks. “I—don’t know. I’m not having any children in the near future, as far as I know, Maz.”

The teal drink is set on the ground near BB-8, who beeps at it curiously and tilts up as if to give it a sniff. Maz stands on the chaise and she’s nearly as tall as Poe that way, her hands adjusting the lenses of her goggles until her eyes are enormous, the size of faraway moons. “I think you are hiding something from me, Poe Dameron. There is a look about you.”

“I’m not hiding anything from you! Never you, Maz.” Poe holds up his hands—crusted in dirt though they are—and laughs. “You know you’re my best girl. My only girl.”

The goggles click. The eyes grow even bigger. “I disagree. The Force always glows bright around you, Poe Dameron, but now it is singing. You must hear it. Ever since you were a little child and Shara Bey first brought you to me to show you off, the Force has had a love affair with you. Why are you keeping it waiting?”

“I have no idea what you mean,” Poe says, and swallows down the dream of the Force tree back home, of Muran fading away and Rey shining bright. “I don’t have the Force more than any other average human, Maz. Maybe just enough to be a little luckier shot.”

“Not when you were hitting my castle,” Maz snorts. “No, you are wrong, Poe Dameron. Or maybe misguided by the way the Force has hurt you in your life. But don’t you see the way those who command the Force are always drawn to you?” She touches his face again, palms against his cheeks grown stubbly over the long day. “Your good heart is like a well of the Light, my beautiful boyfriend. Your mother, Shara Bey, she was the same. It is why Luke Skywalker entrusted her, and you, with the Force tree. I think your role in the fight is to sow seeds of the Light in any way you can. Those to whom the Force calls find their way to you. It is inevitable.”

[gundhams-pandemonium]

I actually was thinking if the game is completely nondespair (so no kg) then maybe there would be a bonus/extra at the end of the game that IS based on the kg (kinda reversed on how the extra bonus work in previous games)

I also would find it funny if the subplot was the MM’s of the games were all trying to make a kg But failing instead of succeeding

Btw what are your thoughts on that little game that comes out with the Switch Port of the Danganronpa Games?

[jawritter]

You and Me...

Chapter 18

***SERIES WARNINGS**** Rape, non con, male!rape, injury, violence, discription of injury caused by rape, nightmares, self harm, panick attackes, implied female non con, language, ass hole Jensen, hurt!jensen, dark fic, smut. If there is anything else I will add it as I go.

***Chatper Warnings*** Panic Attack, Angst, Mentions of rape, Mentions of self harm, breif mention of injury, SMUT, unprotected sex, oral (male and female receiving) Grinding, All the lovely things that come with smut lol. Fluff.

Pairing: Jensen Ackles x Reader

Word Count: 2726

A/N: As always all mistakes are mine!, Please do not copy my work!! Feedback is gold! I hope you enjoy this one! Posting this one a little earlier than what I said I was going to lol.

Summery: It’s funny how one choice you made can change your whole life. One mistake can alter you course, and set you on a path that forever will haunt you. Two people find themselves getthing through one of the hardest trials of Jensen’s life, on just one small promise. You and Me. We’ll get through it together…

Want more? Check out my masterlist!!

***MASTERLIST***

***YOU AND ME MASTERLIST***

Jensen's POV:

The morning sun broke over the Texas skyline to find Jensen laying on his back, Y/n's head o. His chest, and trying his best to stop the freight train of emotions that threatened to over take him. 

Of all the stupid thing's he's done in his life... 

Of all the mistakes he's ever made….

He almost made the biggest one two days ago…

Every time he would close his eyes all he saw was y/n falling to the floor. Her face looked like her heart had shattered into a million pieces. He couldn't shake the image. Even though she was back, even though she was lying next to him sleeping peacefully with her head nuzzled safely into his shoulders. 

Even though he could feel her every breath as her chest rose and fell against him. Even though his arm was draped firmly around her. That gripping heartbreak the night she got in the car with her bags still was haunting him. That soul gripping ache still echoing through his very soul.

That hurt worse than the rape, than the reoccurring nightmares, even the divorce. 

Taking a shaky breath he tried desperately to get a hold of his emotions. He'd apologized so much that she told him if he apologized to her again she was going to strangle him. He still felt like she didn't really get a grasp at how sorry he really was. 

He hated himself for what he did. Reaching over, needing desperately to feel more of her, with his free arm to grab the hand that was draped over his stomach. The burning pain, and the tugging of the tight stitches on his forearm reminded him of the cuts that he'd placed there every time he moved.

He didn't remember doing that to himself. The only thing that he remembered was Jared shaking him on the bathroom floor. 

Yelling at him. 

Holding towels over his wrist, asking him what he'd done. 

He never told anyone that he didn't remember doing that. He guessed it was something he just blocked out of his mind. Something he did in blind pain and grief. 

He was afraid if he told anyone that he didn't remember cutting himself, that they would.lock him in a mental hospital somewhere. So he just kept that little tidbit to himself. 

He felt like such a hypocrite. 

He'd always talked down about people that self harmed. He owed everyone an apology as far as that goes. Seeing as he did it to himself. 

A loud hiccupping sob left his throat before he could catch it, and y/n sat straight up looking at him. 

"Jensen? What's wrong?" All he could do was shake his head and pull her closer to him. Ignoring the pain in his arms. 

"Nothing, I'll be okay eventually." He whispered against her hair. Taking a deep breath, and letting the calming scent of her shampoo that he loved so much surround him. 

It's over now. 

He'd never do it again. 

She was in his arms. 

She'd promised him over and over again that she'd never go anywhere ever again. That she does love him. 

He didn't understand that last part, how could anyone love someone as fucked up as he was. That messed everything up the way he did. 

Here she was though, some miracle that he didn't deserve.

Your POV:

You laid there wrapped tightly in Jensen's arms. Letting him take his time until the panic attack had passed. 

He'd been having more and more of them sense you returned, and some times.like this morning you weren't even sure he really was aware he was having them unless they were really bad, like the one he was having this morning had become a regular event. 

You felt guilty... 

You should have never left that night... 

You just felt so bitrade when he shoved you... 

No matter what though you loved him, and you always will...

Nothing he could say or.do would ever change that, you knew that now.

He was your everything... 

Even now, your heart ached that he was hurting. That there was really nothing you could do about it. 

Jensen did put on a good front in front of people, acting was his job, and he did it well. 

Still when he was alone with you, and the walls came down, you got to see the real person. 

That person had insecurities... 

That person had faults…

That person still needed reassurance from time to time... 

That person wasn't always strong... 

That person had bad days... 

It was your job to help him..

To stand beside him... 

To wrap your arms around him, and let him know that whatever happened you would work through it together, just like you told him in the hospital... 

'You and Me.' 

The night he shoved you, you let stress and exhaustion get in the way of good sense. You let your emotions get in the way of what your brain was telling you he didn't do on purpose, twisted it, made it look intentional and hurtful. 

You hurt him worse that night more than he'd ever hurt you. 

You failed him, but you were determined never to do that again. 

Even if you spent the rest of your life making it up to him. 

When his grip finally loosened around you, and you could move again you sat up on your shoulder. Making little patterns on his chest with your finger. Tracing little lines between each little freckle. A slight shiver rippled through him under your hand. 

Looking up at him you couldn't help the way your heart just melted every time he touched you. He was gazing at you like you were the most beautiful thing he'd ever see. You couldn't help but feel that he was slightly crazy, Hell his ex wife was a damn modal. What the hell could he possibly want with you?

"What do you want to do today, handsome?" You asked him, watching as he propped himself up on the pillows, sitting ups slightly. "I want to lay here all day enjoying my beautiful girl." He said, Running his fingers through your hair. Then pulling you into him so he could kiss you softly. 

He was being overly gentle since you'd come back. 

You ran your hand from the back of his neck slowly down to his chest. He groaned against your lips softly, pulling you closer to him. You couldn't help but melted him into his kiss. 

You craved every little touch, wanting nothing more than to be close to him. 

Still you didn't want to push him. 

You'd only been intimate with him about three times, and every time usually ended with a pretty violent flashback.

This time though his kiss was different... 

Even though it was gentle it was almost…

….Confident?

More sure of himself.

Full of passion and need. 

He honestly took your breath away. His tongue gliding over yours effortlessly as his left hand traveled down your exposed thigh. 

You had borrowed one of his oversized shirts to sleep in since the majority of your clothes were dirty. 

Leaving you in just his T-shirt and a pair of boy shorts underwear. 

Breaking the kiss when he finally had to come up for air, he ran his hand over the side of your check gently. 

Looking deep into your y/e/c eyes. 

Running his thumb softly over your bottom lip. 

Rolling himself on top of you, and pulling you underneath him in one swift moment he started leaving little opened mouth kisses from the corner of your mouth to the sensitive skin behind your ear. Grabbing your ear lob between his teeth gently. Bringing a hard shiver and moan from you. 

He then worked his way down your neck. Stopping to kiss your pulse points. Leaving little love bites as he went. Something has changed in Jensen. He was confident. He was moving like he was sure of what he was doing, and not like he was afraid to touch you like he'd been doing before. 

"Jensen.. Are you sure you can do this?" You asked him. He looked up at you a fire burning deep in his candy apple green eyes that you'd never seen before. He never broke eye contact as he pulled his shirt over your head. 

"I've never been more sure of anything." He said, his voice deep and rough. He slowly took in the site of your exposed chest underneath him. Running his thumb over the peaks of your nipples,making them stand up for him.

"You so fucking beautiful." He said, lowering his head, and putting his lips around one of them. 

Sucking and running his tongue over you. His hand needed your other breast softly. You moaned and arched your back into him. He'd never been this confident with your body. He ground his hips into yours, and moaned against your bare chest. You could already feel his election pushing against the tight fabric of his boxers. 

He was finally enjoying you for the first time since you had been together. His body reacting to yours in ways you hadn't seen so far. 

You run your hand down his arms and watch the goose bumps form on his skin. His breathing increased as he ground against you again. Working his way down your stomach. Leaving more little love bites, and open mouth kisses as he went until he was finally hovering over your aching center.

Looking up at you he put your legs over his shoulders. His eyes were almost backed and hooded with lust as he lowered himself, and licked a strip through folds. 

Your hand involuntarily went to his hair and tugged slightly. He moaned loudly against your clit sending vibrations through your whole body as he licked and sucked at you like a starving man that had finally been given what he craved the most. 

You could feel the coil tightening in your lower stomach as he drove you high and high until you were falling apart, moaning his name loudly. 

"Jensen I'm gonna cum." You half moan half whimper at him. 

Right before he pushed you over the edge he set up, and crawled his way back up your body to hover over you. 

You whine and pout at him as he ran his hand through your hair, bringing his lips to your. You could still taste yourself on his tongue as he slid it through your parted lips. He ran his thick finger between your wet folds, causing you to moan against his lips. 

"I want to be inside you when you cum for me." He says in a low whisper. 

Sliding his boxers off, and throwing them to the side of the bed he then did something that he'd never done before. 

Grabbing your hand he brought it to his throbbing length, and started letting you stroke him as he shivered above you. 

Normally he never let you touch him this way, never let his guard go, and let you have any control over him at all, which you understood with all that he's gone through.

You took your time with him at first running your finger up the thick, swollen vein of his shaft, and circling around the sensitive skin at his tip. 

His hips bucked into your hand, and he moaned loudly. Getting a little more confidence as his body reacted to your touch he rolled onto his back so that you could have better access to him. You slide down his body, leaving little kisses as you go until you where at the tip of his throbbing member.

You looked up at him for permission, but his head was thrown back, and his eyes closed. So slowly you wrapped your lips around the head of his erection. running your teeth lightly over the tip. His hips bucked up to meet you, and he fisted sheets, moaning your name loudly. 

Taking that as he was okay with what you were doing, you put his whole swollen length into your mouth, gagging slightly around his tip as it tickled the back of your throat. 

The taste of him was intoxicating as you sucked lightly, bobbing your head up and down his cock, pulling sounds and noises from him that made you wetter than you already were. If that's possible. 

He wrapped his fingers in your hair. Sending you where he wanted you most as he started to gain more confidence, and started thrusting into your waiting mouth, you hollow your cheeks out so you could take in more of him.

It wasn't long before his pace started to falter. 

"Stop babe or I'm not gonna last." He finally says, pulling you back up to him, and flipping the two of you over so he was back on top of you.

Kissing you deeply he lined himself up with your dripping center, sliding himself in easily, both of you moaning loudly as your warmth enveloped him, and he stretched and filled you like only he could. 

He set an agonizingly slow pace and you moaned his name impatiently, your body demanding more from him as your walls quivered around him. 

He put his hand to the side of your face, never faltering from the pace that he'd sat. "No babe, I wanna enjoy this. I want to drag this out. I wanna feel you come undone around me." 

Your body responded to him immediately. That same familiar tightening sensation in your lower stomach letting you know you were close. You ran your fingers nails down his back and he threw his head back, moaning loudly. His eyes met yours again, and he pulled you into a searing kiss. Then whispered to you. "I can feel you baby girl. Let go." 

That was all it took. The hardest orgasm you'd ever had consumed you. He kept the same pace deepening his thrust. Dragging out your high as your velvet walls milked at him. He panted and groaned against you, deigning himself his own release. 

"I love you y/n. I love you so much." He told you as he looked deep into your eyes. Sweat pouring for him as he fought against his own end, shudders running through him with each deep thrust. 

"I love you too Jensen." Was all you could say. He eyes boring into you. 

He finally let himself come undone inside you. Moaning loudly against your neck. You felt his release as white hot ropes of his seed spread inside of you as he pounded into you faster. Bringing you back over the edge with him. 

Once you had both come down from your high he rolled you both over on your sides. Never breaking the connection of your bodies. Your heart was hammering hard against your chest. He'd never made love to you like that. Normally it was just the equivalent of a quickie. 

This time though was different. 

A comfortable silence fell between the two of you as he laid there playing with your hair, and. placing soft kisses on your lips. You don't know how long you both laid there like that before he finally lost the connection between you. You whimpered a little at the empty feeling that was left behind when he finally pulled his now softened length from you.

He pulled you tightly into his chest,and settled the covers around the two of you. Normally by now the flashbacks would start. This time though he just laid there with you in his arms. 

Something had changed in him. 

Putting his finger under your chin so that you'd look up at him he kissed you softly again. Almost like he’d been laying there listening to your thoughts he finally spoke.

"Almost losing you definitely put a lot of things into perspective for me." He said, pushing the hair out of your face. "You're the most important thing in this world to me y/n. I love you. I can’t let what happened to me become my handicap, and lose you because I can’t let go of what happened to me, and I definitely can’t take it out on you, you deserve all of me, not part of me." 

He kissed you deeply before you could answer him, the both of you lay there like that until sleep finally overtook you again. 

You were finally home. 

After all those years of being along you finally felt at home in his arms.  

This was exactly where you belonged. 

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