The Un-tensity Scale
Here you can find a blog post explaining my reasoning for this scale, what it is and what is its purpose, plus some thoughts on individual cards. Enjoy!
List of all un-cards placed in the Un-tensity Scale:
Un-tensity Level 1 — Basically Black Border
Cards that perfectly work under the current Magic rules. They’re all safe to run in black-bordered games, with the exceptions of Incoming! and Gleemax.
UNGLUED:
White: The Cheese Stands Alone, Get a Life, Once More With Feeling
Blue: Checks and Balances, Chicken à la King, Clambassadors, Denied!, Fowl Play, Free-For-All
Black: Jumbo Imp, Organ Harvest, Poultrygeist, Temp of the Damned
Red: Burning Cinder Fury of Crimson Chaos Fire, Chicken Egg, Goblin Bowling Team, Goblin Tutor, Krazy Kow, Ricochet, Spark Fiend, Strategy Schmategy, The Ultimate Nightmare of Wizards of the Coast® Customer Service
Green: Elvish Impersonators, Flock of Rabid Sheeps, Free-Range Chicken, Gerrymandering, Growth Spurt, Hungry Hungry Heifer, Incoming!, Mine Mine Mine!, Team Spirit, Timmy Power Gamer
Multicolored: /
Colorless: Jack-in-the-Mox, Paper Tiger, Rock Lobster, Scissors Lizard, Urza’s Science Fair Project
UNHINGED:
White: /
Blue: Johnny Combo Player, Mise
Black: /
Red: Blast From The Past, Goblin Secret Agent, Six-y Beast
Green: Form of the Squirrel, Old Fogey, Uktabi Kong,
Multicolored: Who // What // When // Where // Why
Colorless: Gleemax, Mana Screw
UNSTABLE:
ALL Host Creatures
White: Amateur Auteur, Do-It-Yourself Seraph, GO TO JAIL, Jackknight, Success!
Blue: Crow Storm, Novellamental, Socketed Sprocketer, Time Out
Black: Inhumaniac, Sly Spy (lose 1d6 life version), Squirrel-Powered Scheme
Red: The Big Idea, Box of Free-Range Goblins, The Countdown is At One, Garbage Elemental (battle cry, cascade versions), Hammer Helper, Hammer Jammer, Painiac, Target Minotaur
Green: As Luck Would Have It, Beast in Show, Chittering Doom, Clever Combo, Ground Pounder, Hydradoodle, Really Epic Punch, Willing Test Subject,
Multicolored: /
Colorless: Buzzing Whack-a-Doodle, Contraption Cannon, ALL Killbots, Everythingamajig (flip a coin version), Krark’s Other Thumb, Lobe Lobber, Mad Science Fair Project, Steel Squirrel
UNSANCTIONED: Surgeon General Commander
UNFINITY:
White: /
Blue: Fluros of Myra’s Marvels
Black: /
Red: /
Green: Killer Cosplay, Tug of War
Multicolored: /
Colorless: Gallery of Legends
OTHER: Fruitcake Elemental, Season’s Beatings
Un-tensity Level 2 — Almost There
Cards that would require minimal amount of tweaking, either in their rules text or in the Comprehensive Rules, to perfectly work in black border. They’re all pretty safe to run in black-bordered games. Augment and Contraptions are here because they follow precise rulings, even if those rulings are not part of the Comprehensive Rules.
UNGLUED: Jalum Grifter
UNHINGED: Curse of the Fire Penguin, Togglodyte, Water Gun Balloon Game
UNSTABLE:
ALL Creatures with Augment
ALL Contraptions
White: Aerial Toastmaster, Midlife Upgrade, Riveting Rigger, Teacher’s Pet
Blue: Chipper Chopper, Incite Insight, Spell Suck, Suspicious Nanny
Black: Finders Keepers, Overt Operative, Steady-Handed Mook
Red: Garbage Elemental (undying version), Steamflogger of the Month, Steamflogger Temp, Steamfloggery, Super Duper Death Ray, Work a Double, Wrench Rigger
Green: Earl of Squirrel, First Pick, Joyride Rigger, Steamflogger Service Rep
Multicolored: Dr Julius Jumblemorph
Colorless: Clock of DOOOOOOOOOOOOM!, Cogmentor, Sword of Dungeons & Dragons
UNSANCTIONED: Strutting Turkey, Bat-
UNFINITY:
White: /
Blue: /
Black: Scooch
Red: Goblin Blastronauts
Green: /
Multicolored: /
Colorless: Nearby Planet, Gift Shop, Push Your Luck
OTHER: Snow Mercy
Un-tensity Level 3 — Experimental
Cards with experimental mechanics, most of which have varying levels of rules issues, but are generally fine when played.
UNGLUED:
White: Look At Me I’m The DCI,
Blue: Clam-I-Am
Black: B.F.M. (Big Furry Monster)
Red: Goblin Bookie
Green: /
Multicolored: /
Colorless: Giant Fan, Jester’s Sombrero, Mirror Mirror
UNHINGED:
White: AWOL, Cheap Ass, Little Girl, Look At Me I’m R&D, Staying Power
Blue: Ambiguity, Flaccify, Magical Hacker, Richard Garfield, PhD, Smart Ass, Topsy Turvy
Black: The Fallen Apart, Necro-Impotence, Wet Willie of the Damned
Red: Assquatch, Dumb Ass, Mons’s Goblin Waiters, Rocket-Powered Turbo Slug, Sauté, Yet Another Aether Vortex
Green: B-I-N-G-O, Fraction Jackson, S.N.O.T., Supersize
Multicolored: /
Colorless: Mox Lotus, City of Ass, R&D’s Secret Lair
UNSTABLE:
White: By Gnome Means, Rules Lawyer
Blue: Animate Library, Clocknapper, Five-Finger Discount, More or Less, Spy Eye, Very Cryptic Command (“draw a card from an opponent’s library”, “return target permanent to its controller’s hand”, “scry 3” versions), Wall of Fortune
Black: Extremely Slow Zombie, Masterful Ninja, Over My Dead Bodies, Sly Spy (draw from an opponent library version), Snickering Squirrel, Spike, Tournament Grinder
Red: Garbage Elemental (last strike version), Infinity Elemental, Just Desserts, Party Crasher, Three-Headed Goblin
Green: Shellephant
Multicolored: The Grand Calcutron, Grusilda, Monster Masher, Urza Academy Headmaster, X, Mary O’Kill
Colorless: Everythingamajig (proliferate, scry 2 versions), Split Screen
UNSANCTIONED: B.O.B. (Bevy Of Beebles)
UNFINITY:
White: Far Out, Solaflora Intergalactic Icon
Blue: /
Black: Animate Graveyard
Red: Omniclown Colossus, Trigger Happy
Green: Icing Manipulator, Sole Performer
Multicolored: Claire D’Loon Joy Sculptor, Grand Marshal Macie, It Came From Planet Glurg, Truss Chief Engineer
Colorless: Urza’s Fun House, Centrifuge, Log Flume
OTHER: Decorated Knight, Evil Presents, Gifts Given, Naughty // Nice
Un-tensity Level 4 — Printed-card-specific
From this point on, cards can care about things black border can’t: art, watermarks, lines of text... Gameplay-wise, things start to get more silly.
UNGLUED: Lexivore, Squirrel Farm, Spatula of the Ages
UNHINGED:
White: Bosom Buddy, Circle of Protection: Art, Drawn Together, Erase (Not The Urza’s Legacy One), Fascist Art Director, First Come First Served, Wordmail
Blue: Artful Looter, Brushstroke Paintermage, Bursting Beebles, Double Header, Framed!, Greater Morphling, Now I Know My ABC’s
Black: Aesthetic Consultation, Bloodletter, Duh, Persecute Artist, Tainted Monkey, When Fluffy Bunnies Attack, Zombie Fanboy, Zzzyxas’s Abyss
Red: Frazzled Editor, Mana Flair, Punctuate, Pygmy Giant
Green: Graphic Violence, Monkey Monkey Monkey, Our Market Research Shows That Players Like Really Long Card Names So We Made this Card to Have the Absolute Longest Card Name Ever Elemental, Remodel, Symbol Status
Multicolored: Meddling Kids, Rare-B-Gone
Colorless: Urza’s Hot Tub, World-Bottling Kit, Super Secret Tech
UNSTABLE:
White: Knight of the Kitchen Sink (all versions), Knight of the Widget, Oddly Uneven, Old Guard
Blue: Graveyard Busybody, Kindly Cognitian, S.N.E.A.K. Dispatcher, Very Cryptic Command (Wayne England, “untap two target permanents”, “counter target black-bordered spell” versions)
Black: capital offense, “Rumors of My Death…”, Sly Spy (discard longest name, destroy creature facing left, destroy creature facing right versions)
Red: Garbage Elemental (frenzy, unleash versions), Goblin Haberdasher, Hammerfest Boomtacular
Green: Druid of the Sacred Beaker, Ineffable Blessing (all versions), Selfie Preservation
Multicolored: Baron Von Count, Phoebe Head of S.N.E.A.K.
Colorless: Border Guardian, Everythingamajig (you gain 10 life, sacrifice a land:you gain 2 life versions), Proper Laboratory Attire, Staff of the Letter Magus, Stamp of Approval, Secret Base, Watermarket
UNSANCTIONED: Alexander Clamilton, Acornelia, Fashionable Filcher, Abstract Iguanart, Stet Draconic Proofreader, Underdome
UNFINITY:
White: Assembled Ensemble, Bar Entry, Jetpack Janitor, Katerina of Myra’s Marvels, Knight in ________ Armor, Leading Performance, Main Event Horizon, Park Re-Entry, T.A.P.P.E.R.
Blue: Busted!, Decisions Decisions, How Is This A Par Three?!, Treacherous Trapezist
Black: Disemvowel, Gray Merchant of Alphabet, Haberthrasher, Nocturno of Myra’s Marvels, Rat in the Hat
Red: Aardwolf’s Advantage, Don’t Try This At Home, Goblin Girder Gang, Ignacio of Myra’s Marvels, Vorthos Steward of Myth, Well Done
Green: Alpha Guard, Hardy of Myra’s Marvels, Jermane Pride of the Circus, Plot Armor
Multicolored: Angelic Harold, Lila Hospitality Hostess, Meet and Greet “Sisay”
Colorless: Greatest Show in the Multiverse, Park Map
OTHER: Topdeck the Halls
Un-tensity Level 5 — Physical/Outside-the-game Requirements
Here, anything goes, from outside assistance cards to physical or vocal components to any kind of outside-the-game interactions.
UNGLUED:
White: Charm School, Double Dip, I’m Rubber You’re Glue, Knight of the Hokey Pokey, Mesa Chicken, Miss Demeanor, Prismatic Wardrobe, Sex Appeal
Blue: Bureaucracy, Censorship, Clam Session, Common Courtesy, Double Take, Psychic Network, Sorry
Black: Deadhead, Double Cross, Handcuffs, Infernal Spawn of Evil, Ow, Volrath’s Motion Sensor
Red: Double Deal, Hurloon Wrangler, Landfill
Green: Cardboard Carapace, Double Play, Ghazbán Ogress, Gus
Multicolored: /
Colorless: Ashnod’s Coupon, Blacker Lotus, Bronze Calendar, Chaos Confetti, Clay Pigeon, Urza’s Contact Lenses
UNHINGED:
White: Atinlay Igpay, Cardpecker, Collector Protector, Emcee, Frankie Peanuts, Head to Head, Ladies’ Knight, Man of Measure, Save Life, Standing Army
Blue: _____, Avatar of Me, Carnivorous Death-Parrot, Cheatyface, Loose Lips, Moniker Mage, Mouth to Mouth, Number Crunch, Question Elemental?, Spell Counter
Black: Bad Ass, Booster Tutor, Enter the Dungeon, Eye to Eye, Farewell to Arms, Infernal Spawn of Infernal Spawn of Evil, Kill! Destroy!, Mother of Goons, Phyrexian Librarian, Stop That, Vile Bile, Working Stiff
Red: Deal Damage, Face to Face, Goblin Mime, Goblin S.W.A.T. Team, Orcish Paratrooper, Red-Hot Hottie, Touch and Go
Green: Creature Guy, Elvish House Party, Fat Ass, Gluetius Maximus, Granny’s Payback, Keeper of the Sacred Word, Land Aid ’04, Laughing Hyena, Name Dropping, Shoe Tree, Side to Side, Stone-Cold Basilisk
Multicolored: “Ach, Hans, Run!”, Ass Whuppin’
Colorless: Letter Bomb, My First Tome, Pointy Finger of Doom, Rod of Spanking, Time Machine, Toy Boat
UNSTABLE:
White: Chivalrous Chevalier, Gimme Five, Sacrifice Play, Side Quest
Blue: Blurry Beeble, Defective Detective, Magic Word
Black: Hangman, Hazmat Suit (Used), Hoisted Hireling, Old-Fashioned Vampire, Skull Saucer, Sly Spy (lose finger version), Subcontract, Summon the Pack
Red: It That Gets Left Hanging
Green: Slaying Mantis, Squirrel Dealer
Multicolored: Better Than One, Cramped Bunker, Hot Fix, Ol’ Buzzbark
Colorless: Entirely Normal Armchair, Everythingamajig (say the flavor text version), Handy Dandy Clone Machine, Kindslaver, Modular Monstrosity
UNSANCTIONED: Flavor Judge, Syr Cadian Knight Owl, Rings a Bell, Infernious Spawnington III Esq., Boomstacker, Pippa Duchess of Dice, Spirit of the Season
UNFINITY:
White: Form of the Approach of the Second Sun, Get Your Head In The Game, Gobsmacked, Hat Trick, Impounding Lot-Bot, Now You See Me…, Surprise Party, Trapeze Artist
Blue: Animate Object, Astroquarium, Bag Check, Blufferfish, Focused Funambulist, Mobile Clone, Octo Opus, Phone a Friend, Plate Spinning, Super-Duper Lost
Black: Exit Through The Grift Shop, Knife and Death, Photo Op, Questionable Cuisine, A Real Handful
Red: Amped Up, Art Appreciation, Carnival Barker, Devil K. Nevil, Goblin Cruciverbalist, Juggletron, Opening Ceremony, Rock Star, Ticking Mime Bomb
Green: An Incident Has Occured, Mistakes Were Made, Pie-Eating Contest, Spelling Bee, Tchotchke Elemental
Multicolored: “Brims” Barone Midway Mobster, Pietra Crafter of Clowns
Colorless: Standard Procedure, Autograph Book, Blue Ribbon, D00-DL Caricaturist, Souvenir T-Shirt, The Big Top, Cover The Spot, Dart Throw, Guess Your Fate, Memory Test, Scavenger Hunt, Squirrel Stack, The Superlatorium, Trivia Contest
OTHER: Bog Humbugs, Goblin Sleigh Ride, Grimlock Dinobot Leader, Last-Minute Chopping, Mishra’s Toy Workshop, Nerf War, Nightmare Moon, Princess Twilight Sparkle, Rarity, Some Disassembly Required, Stocking Tiger, Thopter Pie Network, Yule Ooze
Note on cards with the same name but different abilities:
These cards from Unstable (Knight of the Kitchen Sink, Very Cryptic Command, Sly Spy, Garbage Elemental, Ineffable Blessing, Everythingamajig) have six different versions with the same name, which is not a black border thing. I’ve placed in the list each version independently; technically though, using two different cards with the same name falls under un-tensity level 4. Gameplay-wise having the same name is not really much of a problem, but it was still worth pointing out.
Unfinity Update Placements Explanation
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