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faithsmadhouse · 19 days ago

Note

can you do kimi r. having sex with reader as they are doing recreational dr#gs, can be any sort of dr#gs, maybe some aftercare in the morning🤭🤭

loveeee your work btw❤️

Haze||Kimi Raikkonen x fem!reader

Word count—748

A/n — sorry this took too long to get done 😭😭

The room smells like sweat, sex, smoke. The air is sticky, thick with the haze of whatever Kimi brought some lazy blend of pot and pills you stopped asking the name of hours ago. Music hums low from the speaker in the corner, some throbbing beat that matches the pulse between your legs.

You’re straddling him on the couch, both of you half-undressed already, drinks forgotten somewhere on the table.

Kimi’s got his hand wrapped around the back of your neck, keeping you close, breathing you in like you’re oxygen.

Your mouths are slick and sloppy on each other tongue, teeth, moans swallowed like secrets.

When you pull back for a second to take another hit, his hands slide under your shirt, rough palms dragging over hot skin, squeezing your tits like he needs them to stay alive.

“Greedy,” you pant, laughing breathlessly as you exhale the smoke into his mouth when he kisses you again, deeper this time, dirtier.

He just grunts, shoving your shirt up and over your head with one hand, the other sliding down to cup your ass, dragging you hard against the growing bulge in his jeans.

You roll your hips instinctively, chasing friction, and Kimi lets out a low, broken sound that goes straight to your core.

“Want you,” he mutters against your neck, voice hoarse, a little fucked-out already. “Now.”

You barely manage to get his pants open before he’s pulling yours down, not even bothering to fully take them off, just shoving them to your knees. He manhandles you easily, flipping you onto your back right there on the couch.

Everything’s clumsy, frantic, his fingers digging into your thighs to spread you open, his cock leaking against your stomach, leaving wet smears on your skin.

You whimper when he pushes in with no teasing, no warning, just a messy, desperate thrust that has you crying out and clawing at his shoulders.

“Fuck,” he hisses through gritted teeth, bottoming out with a shudder.

You’re soaked already, walls clenching around him, the burn delicious, your body aching for more.

He fucks into you hard, sloppy, hips snapping against yours in frantic rhythm.

The couch creaks under the force of it, your cries swallowed by his mouth as he kisses you, tongues tangling, teeth clashing.

You’re both half-senseless, drunk on the drugs and each other, chasing the high of it, there feeling of skin against skin, the stretch, the sharp pleasure curling in your belly.

“You feel so good,” Kimi groans, forehead pressed against yours, breath hot and uneven. “So fucking good…”

His thumb finds your clit, rubbing rough, fast circles that have you gasping his name, nails digging into his back hard enough to leave marks.

“Kimi — oh fuck, fuck—”

Your orgasm hits you like a freight train, body convulsing, clamping down around him so tightly he curses loudly, thrusts becoming erratic.

He follows with a guttural moan, spilling inside you with a few more messy, desperate strokes.

He doesn’t pull out right away, just collapses on top of you, panting against your neck, body trembling.

You lay there, tangled together, sweat cooling on your skin, the smell of sex and smoke heavy in the air.

Kimi finally lifts his head, eyes glassy but soft.

“You’re mine,” he says, voice slurred but certain. “Mine.”

And you believe him.

You wake up tangled in sheets that smell like cigarettes, whiskey, sweat.

Your mouth is dry as sandpaper, head pounding faintly, but the warmth curled around you is grounding.

Kimi’s arm is slung heavy across your waist, his face buried against your neck, soft snores tickling your skin.

You shift a little, and he stirs, mumbling something incoherent in Finnish before pulling you tighter.

“Stay,” he rasps, voice raw from the night before. He presses lazy, tender kisses along your shoulder, your neck, each one a slow apology for the way he wrecked you hours ago.

You hum, letting him nuzzle you, letting yourself belong to him for a little longer.

He eventually gets up, dragging the blanket with him, stark naked and completely unbothered. You watch him pad around the room, gathering water bottles, tossing you some painkillers from a battered duffel bag.

When he climbs back into bed, he pulls you onto his chest, stroking your hair with rough fingers, no rush, no expectation. Just being.

Just… yours.

“You’re dangerous,” you murmur, half-asleep against him.

Kimi chuckles low, rough and kisses the top of your head.

“Good,” he says. “So are you.”

#f1 smut #f1 x you #formula one x you #f1 x reader #f1 x y/n #formula one x reader #f1 x female reader #formula one x y/n #f1 imagine #f1 one shot #kimi raikkonen #kimi räikkönen #kimi raikkonen x reader #kimi raikkonen x you #kimi raikkonen smut #kr7

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haveateadude · 1 year ago

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bleak horizons

summary *. ⋆ ⋆·˚ yeah, okay. maybe you're sad.

warnings *. ⋆ ⋆·˚ depression, self-harm, mommy issues (dw there's A LOT of fluff and cuddles and hugging and it all ends up alright) this is just talked about but it can still be triggering!!!!! pls take care of yourselves!!!!!!!! my dms are open :)

author notes *. ⋆ ⋆·˚ wasn't planning on posting this but i love validation. also, this is not like cannon ellie i guess?? i did a really bad characterization bc i used this as a vent and i just wanted comfort lmao. hope this still makes y'all feel seen or fucking something. btw this first part is really boring hehe, i wrote this when i was in a rush and in a train and i was tired and sad so i don't mind if it flops lol

i hate this so much idk why i'm posting this as my first pots. aghh. here u go ig. don't hate on me. bye.

(not proofread, sorry abt that)

pt1 — pt2 — pt3

you look so out of it

pull it together

we can love you

forever and ever

I've recently moved in with Ellie after weeks of looking for someone to move in.

I had checked other apartments, but this was the one that didn't smell like there was a corpse under my feet, hidden from the light beneath the floor and it didn't look like it was haunted by ghosts. The walls weren't chipping away, also, so that was a plus. There's no denying that getting used to living with someone else was difficult, but it was the only alternative to live away from my parents. Not to mention I had developed feelings for Ellie—she's beautiful, with those eyes and auburn hair, and her tattoos just make her look fucking badass.

After a few weeks, I settled in with her: we both have a routine, and established unspoken rules, and now it's comfortable living with her.

Tonight was a lovely night—I had already finished everything I had to do, and I didn't have an exam until next week, probably—until I got a call from my mother. I know I can't run away from this one. She always threatens to unroll me from college and take me home when I don't answer her calls. And I know she's capable of doing so.

“Hello?” I said as I went out to the kitchen, to take a glass of water.

“You know, most people say something sweet when they answer their mother.”

I roll my eyes, even if she can't see me. It was just a fucking hello.

“What happened, Mom?” I ask, not wanting to fight.

She takes a second to answer, “Well—I was looking at some resources and there are a lot near your area…”

“Resources about what?”

“Therapy. Conversion therapy.”

It takes all of myself not to gasp, or cry. I don't know. I hear Ellie going out of her room, and walking towards the kitchen. I don't care if she's here; I haven't been caring about anything these past few days.

“Okay,” Is all you say. I don't know how to answer, or what to do. I leave the glass on the aisle with trembling hands.

“That's all you have to say?”

“I—I don't know what you want me to say.”

“‘Thank you’, maybe?” I stay quiet, I don't want to thank her, I don't want her to speak to me ever again. “You could also get therapy for, you know…”

“For what, mother?”

“The cutting. Your scars—I always thought they looked repulsive. No one is going to lov—”

I hung up before she could say anything else. I hate her. I hate my mother. I can't even believe she's a mother, let alone mine. I suddenly feel the need to hurt, and I hate to admit it, but my mother has always been right about the way they look—so I just shut my eyes and try to breathe. It always helps—deep breathing, that is. I have to remind myself that I'm clean. I've been clean for months. Maybe even a year, I lost count.

“You okay?”

Ellie's voice almost makes me flinch, already having forgotten about her. I open my eyes as she walks over to me and lays her elbows on the aisle, while I rest my back on the counter behind her.

I look at her, with a knot in my throat, “I'm fine.”

“Your mother…” She makes a pause, short enough to not make me go crazy, “Is she, like, a pain in the ass?”

I chuckle at that as I cross my arms, “Yeah.”

“If it gets too bad, you can talk to me. I don't mind. And my dad has some contacts, we can maybe scare your mother away.”

“It's okay,” I tell her with a smile. “I can manage.”

“I know,” She smiles, and I can feel my heart fluttering in my chest.

Before I say anything I regret, I go to your room with my door open—a technique I've acquired to avoid hurting myself.

I sit at my desk and look up conversion therapy first, I want to know what this is all about—I know that it's harmful to people in the community, that it leaves you screwed and fucked up. I don't like what pops up on my screen, so I close the tab and go to another one—where I search for therapy. The real one.

I went to a lot of therapy sessions, but my mother was always behind them, so I don't know if it ever was effective. I like this one a lot better. It should be helpful. It will help, I know that for a fact.

I'm having dinner with Ellie, which we normally do—today we ordered, since we were hungry and it always takes a little while to prep a meal—when I think to ask her about the topic.

“Do you know any therapy center?” I ask her. “Or the number of a therapist? Whatever.”

If she's curious, she doesn't show it. She stops chewing on her food, then looks at me; then continues to chew, and after she swallows she speaks, “Sure, I have some friends that go to the same therapist, so it's completely trustworthy, I guess. I can ask for the number.”

I wipe my mouth with the napkin on my side, “Yeah, that'd be alright.”

Ellie takes a sip from her cup and then looks at me, “You okay, though…?”

“I'm fine, just—you know, making sure everything's okay.”

She nods, “Got it—I was just asking.”

After my first therapy session, I ended up tired. My therapist—which feels weird to say out loud and even in my head—is a nice lady in her thirties who looks like a hippie.

I've realized I tend to lie a lot—I didn't talk about self-harm or my mother. Or anything else, really. Just about the movie Speak, and then almost cried when talking about the weather.

So, “Yeah, it went well,” is my answer when Ellie asks how it went, sitting in her car. She picked me up since I had taken my car to maintenance.

“Okay, then,” she says once the car engine starts. She connects her phone to Bluetooth, and we listen to music for a while. Ellie places her hand on my knee when I start bouncing my leg, which sends shivers down my spine and gives my brain something to think of that isn't any of my shit. “Do you want to go eat something?”

“Sure,” I accept. Her thumb makes little circles on my knee. I wonder if she knows what she's doing, her eyes are still fixated on the road. My heart does the flutter thing that it did a few days back again, and my core heats up.

She doesn't want you, I try to convince myself. She's your friend, she doesn't want you. She will fall in love with you, not your brain nor your scars, and when she finds out about the way you think she'll leave.

When we arrived at the restaurant, we ordered a plate together, since we always share and the food here comes in big sizes that we wouldn't finish if we ate it separately.

When we arrive at the restaurant, we order a plate together, since we always share and the food here comes in big sizes that we won't finish if we ate it separately.

“So, how's work?” I ask when we're waiting for our food.

“It's going well, I guess.”

“You guess?”

"I just hate my boss."

I furrow my eyebrows, “do you want to talk about it?”

“It's fine, he just sucks. But well, Jesse is postulating to—you know, be a boss; that fucker.”

I chuckle, “Well, I like Jesse.” I soon realize what I said, and my cheeks go red. “Not in a, uh, romantic way or anything. You know. Fuck. He's just nice.”

“Just nice?”

“I like you better than him,” I blurt out, which only adds to my embarrassment.

Oh, oh.

I like Ellie.

Fuck, yeah. You do.

Who am I kidding, I knew I did. From the start—from the first time she looked at me, for the first time touched my hand and spoke to me; for the first time she played guitar for me and made dinner because she knew how tired I was.

Ellie is flushed. I can tell.

“Oh, do you?” She asks with a grin.

The waitress comes with our food, and leaves the plate. I look at her, she looks at me at Ellie and then leaves.

I tuck a strand of hair behind my ear and lay my elbow on the table, with my chin propped up in my hand.

“What if I do?”

She bites her lip, looks at mine and then at the food, “The food's getting cold.”

What the fuck. What the actual fuck. Did that actually happen, or was it my imagination? Holy shit. Shit! Fucking fuck.

It leaves me thinking, but my thoughts leave when I hear her laughter after I crack a joke.

We take the stairs up the apartment, and we laugh all the way up. We just laugh and laugh and laugh because she said something and now I'm almost falling to the floor from how much my stomach hurts.

“Stop,” I say when we get to our apartment door. I keep laughing because Ellie's laughing too and she can't open the door. “My stomach hurts.”

She looks at me and laughs. Idiot. I laugh, too.

“Hey!” We hear our neighbor say. “Quiet down!”

“We're sorry!” I exclaim back, as he closes his door.

Ellie giggles, “You're so fucking dumb, I'm not sorry at all.”

“Shut up,” I say.

“Oh, make me.”

And then—oh, god—and then, and then she looks at me as the curvature of my lips goes down, and then I kiss her.

I kissed her. I fucking did. Me, not her—not Ellie's brave and confident ass, but mine. The butterfly in my chest flutters harder when she kisses back. She puts both of her hands on my waist and deepens the kiss, while my hand moves from her cheeks to her neck, then finds its way to her torso.

Ellie manages to open the door without breaking the kiss, and then she shuts the door with her foot.

“We should—” I speak between kisses. “Ellie—couch.”

“Yeah, okay. Okay.”

Our tongues fight, but our souls mend and I find my way to her in every sense.

#ellie williams #ellie x reader #the last of us 2 #tlou #mental health awareness #ellie williams x y/n #wlw #lesbian #depression awarness #idk what is this #fic #emwrites ; ⋆

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misterradiation · 2 months ago

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⊹ ࣪ ˖ GALE ⋆⭒˚

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┆ ⤿ 💜 ⌗ “ 𝔗𝔥𝔢𝔯𝔢'𝔰 𝔞 𝔤𝔲𝔰𝔱 𝔬𝔣 𝔚𝔢𝔞𝔳𝔢 𝔞𝔟𝔬𝔲𝔱 𝔶𝔬𝔲, 𝔟𝔲𝔱 𝔦𝔱'𝔰 𝔞 𝔪𝔢𝔯𝔢 𝔟𝔯𝔢𝔢𝔷𝔢. ℑ 𝔫𝔢𝔢𝔡 𝔞 𝔱𝔢𝔪𝔭𝔢𝔰𝔱. ”

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Just some things I think fit Gale <3

1: Ambidextrous. I dunno, I just think he would be an ambidextrous kind of person, maybe he just downplays it by writing with one hand or holding a staff or such with one hand (I know it’s like game mechanic but you get what I mean.)

2: Allergies to certain grasses and plants. I know there’s like a mod that’s called allergic Gale (yes I did download it) but like I think it also is cause as a child he was probably very sneezy and easily got sick so his mother kept him inside until he was at an age to like go to school and even then Mrs. Dekarios would always pick him up (he’s a mamas boy obviously)

3: Allergic to dogs? I don’t wanna think he’s a cat person just because he’s got Tara — my boy is probably allergic to a lotta things, so why not dogs? Maybe he gets a sniffle or a cough when Scratch comes around and is kinda nervous or something around any dog (my Tav loves dogs btw,,,but it’s okay she can settle with a kitty)

4: Green thumb. I believe that, probably, he’s a bit plant dad — a whole garden, or even some magical potted plants or something of the sort, he just loves to get his hands dirty with something other than magic missiles and fireballs, you know?

5: Just more than Tara…okay, now I believe as a cat person, you should have at the very least two cats — for Gale? He’d probably have two or three, including Tara (maybe a hairless cat like mine) and he loves his precious babies (yeah, he’s totally dad material) — giving them little nicknames, treating them like a human child and such. Don’t judge cat papa Gale, he’s going through it.

6: Spell scars. I always love to see when a wizard or sorcerer has scars or damage from spells, so why not our beloved wizard himself? He probably has a lotta damage, but I’d say the most prominent would be fire, electricity, or even a bit of radiant — or, maybe, he has a little bit of everything. He is a rather experimental guy, after all.

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Now since I need it desperately, some things if Gale had a kid!

1: Shopping galore! You think a father could get anymore attached to their child? Thing again. Gale would buy everything and anything his baby needs or wants in a heartbeat, even if he’s low on gold — not all things he can conjure with the flick of a wrist, and a gummy smile always melts the man’s heart.

2: Father-Child nap sesh. Gale is a sucker for napping the day away with his little muchkin, whether it be reading a book to them, resting after a filling meal, or simply just sleeping to get the fatigue off — he’s got all the room to love, and he’d be in the most uncomfortable position or place if it meant his baby was cozy.

3: Lessons from pops. I assume he’d probably personally teach his son/daughter about the Weave and some minor spells, like a spell to clean or something, so they get an idea on what magic is — he’d praise them for every little success, comfort them and encourage them to keep trying even if they failed or messed up, full supportive dad moment, and we love him for that <3

4: Major papa bear. No way in the Realms would he let his kid get bullied, no sir. He’d storm to the parents of the kid who bullied his baby and either go on a rant about their inadequate parenting skills, warn them to keep their child away from his, or just warn the kid and intimidate the bugger (or try) — then he’d comfort his kid however he could.

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Okay I’m tired so that’s all for now but I’ll do more posts probably!

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Gif by @galedekarios

#bg3 gale #baldurs gate 3 gale #baldurs gate gale #gale dekarios #gale of waterdeep #wizard of waterdeep

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notfreetoday · 2 years ago

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MPW Ep 2 Subtitle Corrections

Subtitle Corrections: Ep 1 here

Cultural/Language Tidbits: Ep 2 here

Same translation disclaimer applies. Thanks to everyone reading the first post and geeking out with me in the notes, I really appreciate it XD Ok, Ep 2, let's go! Sorry in advance for the length!

If you're wondering why Yoh's freaking out about the rainy season even though they've been together for 3 years, the manga artist posted a clarification on twitter:

By the way, “it’s been 3 years since then” – that phrase refers to it being 3 years since that conversation regarding the slave contract. As for living together, they’ve only just started (to do so) around Mar/April*, so (at this point) it’s only been a few months (for them). What if (I) got it wrong…. I remember making a note of it, but the file that I wrote it in and passed over (to the crew) couldn’t be found right, so… (was it) a dream?” *Japan's rainy season comes around June/July, so this means that this is the first rainy season these two have been experienced together.

[Y: まずっ] Y: Tastes bad In case the original "that sucks" sounds like Yoh might be talking about the news of the young forecaster - he's really just talking about the food here.

[S: 遅くなるからいらねぇっつっただろう] Original: I told you not to bother since I returned late Mine: I told you I wouldn't need it cause I'd be late right? This is actually a pretty harsh sounding line tbh. It's sort of inkeeping with Segasaki's curtness, but still pretty harsh - so this tells us he's tired after a long day, and explains the frown on his face that Yoh just wipes away with his cuteness

Nikujaga literally means meat and potatoes. It's a stewed dish and a very well-loved comfort food. Super easy to make too (link goes to an easy to follow recipe, and the site also explains a little about the dish).

[Y: 本当、顔だけはいいよな] Y: Really, it's only his face that looks good.

I've talked about this in my cultural/language tidbits for this episode (linked up top) but I'll add it here for completion's sake

[Y: あ、いや。なんでもない…です*] (Ah, iya, nandemonai…desu*) Y: Ah, no, it's….nothing* Yoh let's his sentence trail off before tacking on a "desu" at the end. "Desu" is an ending verb characteristic of "polite" speech, which Yoh doesn't use frequently with Segasaki (in fact, by this point, he has not used polite speech with Segasaki at all, except for maybe saying the full form of the word "welcome home", and even that's pushing it). Here he adds it at the end as an afterthought (the polite form of "iya" would be "iie", if he had wanted the whole sentence to be polite from the get go), which tells us that Yoh's feeling a little off-kilter here, and does introduce the slightest distance between him and Segasaki. We'll see this distance increase as the episode goes on.

[Y: いや、どう考えても食べ過ぎだろう] Y: No but, no matter which way you look at it, (he's) eaten way too much hasn't he? Btw, if your hair started standing at the spoon scraping the pot - in the manga artist's post about visiting the shooting venue (as well as during Ep 1 twitter space) it was mentioned that Mashiko, the actor, can actually cook, so during filming they had to tell him what someone who can't would likely do, and also asked him to do the housework poorly (because Yoh's not supposed to be good at cooking or housework hahaha)

この人*、明日も朝早いんだよな。たぶん。 Original: This guy, has an early morning again tomorrow. Probably. Mine: This person*, has (to leave) early tomorrow morning too. Probably. *The word here is "kono hito", literally "this person". There's actually nothing wrong with the translation "this guy" tbh because that's a fairly neutral term in English, but I'm highlighting it here because in his monologues, Yoh usually refers to Segasaki using much rougher language, such as "koitsu, aitsu", except when he addresses Segasaki directly in his head. I'll talk more about how Yoh addresses Segasaki in the analysis post, but for now - this sentence hints that Yoh has clocked Segasaki's tiredness (subconsciously or not) and is feeling a little bad for him. Then again he quickly hides that by adding on "probably". (Adding the word "probably" behind your sentence is a common way to express doubt/negate what you just said, and incidentally is commonly used by comedians to deliver a punchline).

[Y: あの*…あの…寝るなら部屋でとおもって。] Original: Um… Hey… You should go back to your room. Mine: Um*... Um... if you're going to sleep then, (it would be better to sleep) in your room - at least that's what I thought...

*"あの…" (ano…), translated as "um" here, is a common sound you use when you want to get someone's attention but don't want to sound too demanding - it actually isn't being polite per se, but it does show the hesitancy with which Yoh approaches him. Contrast this with the way Segasaki gets Yoh's attention (so far it's just been "Yoh" or "Oi" - the latter of which you would NOT use unless you were close to the person, or looking for a fight).

As a general rule of thumb, the level of politeness in Japanese is directly correlated with the length of the sentence and just how far you can beat around the bush. So, Yoh's suggestion that Segasaki goes to sleep in his room is literally just "if sleeping, then room..." and everything else in that translation is assumed. He may not being using polite speech forms here (that would be "to omoimashita" instead of "to omotte") but this is still a common way to be polite because he's making a suggestion that is so mild Segasaki can choose to ignore it. This is a great example of Brown & Levinson's "negative politeness" which we'll revisit when analysing their speech patterns, and which you can read about in entirely too much detail here (free to read).

[Y: じゅあ、俺は寝るので** あの、その、そういうことで、おやすみ] Original: Then, I’ll go to sleep. That…sort of thing. Good night. Mine: So then, I'm going to bed, therefore**... Um... that... with that... night!

"Therefore" is an awkward translation for the word ので (node), which is more often translated as "so". I've chosen to use that word because "node", whilst again not a polite form per se, is less colloquial than the more commonly used "から(kara)", to mean the same thing. It tends to pop up more in writing than in speech. "Therefore" doesn't make a sentence polite/formal in English, but it's definitely less colloquial than using the word "so". The use of "node" is just that tiny bit out of place in this sentence paired with the informal pronoun "ore" for "I" as opposed to the more formal choice of "boku".

Again, Yoh answers Segasaki properly here with a "はい (hai)" as opposed to his usual "un" (which is a sound that expresses agreement), when told that Segasaki will be late again. There actually aren't very many moments where Yoh does speak politely to Segasaki (he's definitely rude when he talks about Segasaki in his head hahaha), so these moments stand out. This whole short exchange, together with the random -desu he added earlier, just make Yoh's sentences a little more stilted/awkward, and more distant. Individually they don't deserve much mention at all, but together, and in the context of his jealousy, show just how unsure Yoh is about where he stands with Segasaki.

[Y: あの人の帰宅が遅くなり] Y: That person returned home later and later

"That person" - similar to the above usage of "this person". This sentence is incomplete - the verb form of the last word - 遅くなり (osokunari) indicates that there should be a second part to the sentence (the "completed" form would be osokunatta). But after he says this, there is a pregnant pause, as Yoh puts his phone down and continues cooking alone. The pause continues all the way into the next scene, before the sentence continues, highlighting the loneliness that Yoh feels.

[Y: 当然、触れられることもないままに] Original: Of course, he did not touch me at all Mine: (and) of course, (I) remained untouched (by him) as well

The literal translation for this would be "(the situation in which I) was not touched (by him) continued on as well". Yoh uses the passive form of the word "touch", which places the emphasis on Yoh "receiving" the action of being touched as opposed to placing the emphasis on Segasaki "carrying out" the action of touching Yoh. Consider the difference between the sentences "I was hurt by him" and "he hurt me". The former is the passive form, and is super common in Jp, much less common in Eng. If this is confusing - welcome to Jp grammar just know that the emphasis of this line is more on what Yoh does not have, rather than what Segasaki has not done. It accentuates Yoh's feelings of emptiness and loss.

Y: すっかり日々は過ぎて Y: The days pass by completely ...

Similarly, this sentence is "incomplete", and is instead continued by Segasaki walking in and telling Yoh he'll be late again. (This whole bit just hurts my soul tbh, Yoh is so lonely. )

This is a teruteru bouzu aka a charm of sorts for good weather. See the cultural tidbits post for Ep 2 linked up top for more info!

This is said really strongly, and gives the "what the hell are you doing" feel. Yoh's truly upset here.

I try not to care about some of the subs in these side conversations because they don't add much to the main story and these posts are already too long, but this sentence should really be "Dammit, maybe I should (go) troll the chat" (and the previous sentence should be "If this was broadcasted in a certain country it would be instant death" aka N.Korea ^^;) and I just think it was a nice touch to hint at the fandom wars/flaming that goes on between fans hahaha

[Y: しんどい] Y: This is too draining The word here used is "shindoi", which is a term used when you're feeling mentally/physically exhausted/drained, and carries a sense of frustration (at feeling this way) and sometimes (emotional) pain.

This. Is. Huge. Segasaki does 2 things here - one, he rejects an after-work meal, which you rarely do because Japan is all about the group and rejecting a group invite, to welcome a new member, can make you seem like you aren't a team player - two, the guy who invites him is his senior, which you can tell because Segasaki sticks to polite speech forms whilst the other guy does not. It's still relatively casual, so you can tell he's got a good working relationship with them (probably why he's not worried about rejecting them) but still. In Segasaki's world, Yoh is the No. 1 priority.

This is more accurately "WTF". There are many sounds in Japanese that aren't exactly words, but carry a lot of meaning - "Haa?!" is one of them, and is a very rude way to express a lot of anger and shock. Please, never say this in real life. You will royally piss off whoever it's directed at and if you are outside a Shibuya bar you will get punched.

The word used here is てめぇ (temee), which is a really rude way to say "you", and has the same energy as "you bastard". Segasaki usually uses the informal pronoun "omae" for "you" when he talks to Yoh, he's definitely pissed off here.

This is the same word, "shindoi" again.

I'm going to put the rest of the whole argument here with just my translation because it's too long to screencap the whole thing.

[S: 何なんだよ？このエロい惨状は Y: うるさい。 Y: 俺は売れっ子エロ漫画家になるんだ S: なんだそりゃ。おい *takes away beer can* Y: 売れっ子さんが　シコリながらネーム描くと　いいのができるって言ってた S: なんも描けてなかったぞ。 S: おい、だめだっつってんの S: 飲みすぎ　出すもん出して　寝てただけだろう Y: 黙れ！ Y: 俺はエロくて　抜ける漫画描いて　いっぱい稼いで Y: 早く　こんなとこ出ていくんだ S: はあ？　おい、お前　どういうつもりだよ Y: どうもこうもないよ！ Y: 平気で抱かれてると思うなよ。 Y: 俺のこと、好きでもないくせに Y: 便利な奴隷としか思ってないんだろう？そんなにやりたきゃ隣のキャスターとやってろよ S: お前　さっきから　何を... Y: 俺はあんな風に笑いかけられたことない]

Breakdown: S: What's up with this? This lewd disaster of a scene Y: (You're) annoying! ["うるさい (urusai)" is often translated as "shut up", but it literally means someone is being "noisy", and here is more of a complaint that Segasaki is being bothersome] Y: I'm going to become a hot-selling erotica manga artist! [the word used here is 売れっ子 (urekko), which literally means "someone who gets huge sales" and mostly refers to idols, entertainers, TV personalities etc. So Yoh is not just saying he's going to become popular, he's saying he's gonna be like a celebrity manga artist, which is why Segasaki snorts a little at this] S: What's with that? Hey. *takes away beer can* Y: The hot sellers say that if you jerk off whilst drawing your storyboard, you'll come up with good stuff [urekko-san is a pretty cute way of referring to these popular artists] S: You've not drawn anything, you know? [this is said with a really indulgent air, which contrasts directly with the more authoritative tone of the next line] S: Hey, I'm telling you no more *grabs beer can* S: You drank too much. You just shot what you shot and then went to sleep didn't you? [And this is back to an indulgent tone - also, everyone knows Segasaki is talking about cumming here, he just doesn't actually say it so directly] Y: Shut up! ["黙れ (damare) - contrast with "urusai" earlier. The former is used much less commonly and really does mean to "be quiet". This is why Segasaki pauses and looks at Yoh. Up until now Segasaki just thinks Yoh's gotten drunk and is whining cutely, but this word means things are serious.] Y: I'm going to draw manga that is erotic, that you can wank off to, and then earn lots of money [this is a call back to the conversation with Man-san over the phone in Ep 1, which I did not include earlier because I didn't think it was important to the story when Yoh says "the work that was released last month was amazing! There was a big buzz around the topic "I can't wank off (to this)" - Yoh was being sarcastic here, meaning that he got reviews that his work wasn't erotic enough] Y: and leave this sort of place soon! S: What? Hey - what (the hell) are you thinking? [Again, "haa?" here shows he does NOT like what Yoh's saying, but he does soften the end of the sentence with a "yo"] Y: I'm not thinking of anything! Y: Embracing me so easily - don't think you can (keep on) doing that [again, this is the passive form, so the emphasis is on Yoh being embraced, and here has the nuance of "don't think I'll just (keep on) being fine with being embraced (by you) like it's some sort of norm"] Y: when you don't even like me [this line has quite a bit of bitterness in it - the emphasis here is strongly on Segasaki and his apparent "non-liking" of Yoh my english is dying.] Y: You think of me as just a convenient slave, don't you? Y: If you want to do it that much, go do it with that forecaster next to you! S: You... from the start... what have (you been saying?) Y: I have never been smiled at like that before [again, this is in passive voice]

It's obvious from the acting alone that this entire argument is pretty emotionally charged - this is also reflected in the language because Yoh uses the pronoun "ore (I)" a lot. Pronouns are frequently dropped in Japanese - often you can go an entire conversation without ever uttering the words "I/me" or "you", in part because the pronouns are assumed and also because emphasis on an individual can come across as too selfish/narcissistic or direct. Segasaki uses them often enough with Yoh, which fits his personality, but Yoh normally doesn't. So, when he uses "ore" here it stands out - his plans to be successful and leave, his feelings, his interpretation of Segasaki's actions - all of the emphasis is on his own self. The message is very clear - Yoh is hurting a lot more than he is blaming or accusing Segasaki.

[Y: もう疲れた。あんたといると疲れる。嫌いだ S: お前　酒入るとめちゃくちゃしゃべるんだな Y: ねぇ、何で雨の時はだめなの？ S: はあ？　だって、お前が言ったんだろう] Y: (I'm) tired out. When (I'm) with you, (I) get tired. Hate it. [We've lost the "I" pronouns here, because the emphasis is on the extreme sense of physical and emotional fatigue as opposed to Yoh himself, and on how much he dislikes that feeling. Of note, "hate" here is closer to "detest/really dislike" - the word is "kirai" - which is not as strong as the word "nikui" which we talked about in Ep 1 when Yoh said he hated the part of him that always listened to Segasaki. Also, this is the first time Yoh has addressed Segasaki with the pronoun "you" out loud - he uses "あんた anta", which he also used in his head in Ep 1, after they did it. Again, we'll talk about this in the analysis post in the future, but for now just know that this term is usually used between older couples.] S: You... once you start drinking you really start talking huh? [literally, you "become able to talk"] Y: Hey...why is it when it rains, (we) can't do it? S: What? Because, you said so didn't you? [the last "haa?" from Segasaki! This time expressing his surprise and slight indignation.]

[S: 俺は優しいんだ] S: I. am. Kind. Great example of Segasaki's use of the "ore" pronoun here to quite literally emphasise how great he is. "優しい (kind)" in Japanese carries the connotation of being thoughtful, anticipating the other person's needs and wants and then meeting them etc. It's a characteristic that people often say they look for in their potential partners.

[S: そもそも、なんだ先の言いぐさは好きじゃないだの　出ていきたいだのお前　俺のプロポーズを受けといてよくそんなことが言えんな S: 養ってやる*っつってんだ　プロポーズ以外になに] S: In the first place, what was with those things you said earlier? That you don't like me, that you want to leave... You... that was rich, saying all that after accepting my proposal. S: I was saying I'd provide and care* for you. If that's not a proposal than what is? ["養ってやる" is a pretty possessive way to say I'll provide for you - it's the same word used when referring to parent providing for a child, or an owner providing for a small animal. It's not rude per se, but it does imply a power imbalance. Segasaki actually sort of has a point here because... this is not something you say to someone else unless you're in a relationship ^^;]

S: ていうかお前、俺のこと嫌いなんだ S: どうなの S: Actually about that... so you hate me huh? S: Which is it?

S: ふーん。あ、そ S: Ohh..? I see. ふーん (Ohh..?) - Segasaki says this a lot, especially in this episode. This is another one of those sounds that isn't a word but carries a lot of meaning. It has a dismissive sort of tone to it, like you've already assumed something or when you're pretty nonchalant/not impressed about whatever the other person has said and are just playing along with them by giving them some attention (so again, if you use it wrongly, it can piss people off). Segasaki uses it whenever Yoh goes mute or shy, as a way to tease Yoh - though Yoh seems to think Segasaki is dismissing/not interested in his answer. あ、そ (A, so) - again, Segasaki says this a lot - can be interpreted as "oh really?/I see/is that so?" - Combined with the above, you can see why Yoh often thinks Segasaki isn't interested in his answer, and even when he does recognise it as teasing, he gets too flustered to do anything about it.

This seems to have gotten longer, if you reached the end - congratulations! I hope this makes it a little clearer why it's so obvious to us as the viewer that Segasaki is really quite patient with Yoh, and is waiting for him to come to terms with his feelings, but at the same time so confusing for Yoh, because of the way many of these interactions can be read both ways. In Ep 3, we'll really be able to get into their dynamics because they've got so much more interaction together.

#my personal weatherman #taikan yohou #体感予報 #MPW subtitle corrections #mytranslations #finally got it out #doing a breakdown of the argument was very fun #this is like the most indulgent t/n ever #i am indulging myself the same way segasaki indulges yoh #thanks to everyone for reading my indulgent notes #please geek out with me more #these two are so perfect for each other #sorry I wanted to get Ep 3 and the analysis out before Ep 4 but it's not happening

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tazienimp · 2 months ago

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Sick Days

Tw for the usual depressing shit

Sometimes Mephiles' nightmares and grief become so severe, that when Doom is at work he doesn't take care of himself, too lost in his own head to function, even when Doom leaves him food and does his best to make sure Mephy's gonna be okay by himself. It's not all the time, but it usually happens when he bottles up his feelings for too long and he's had too many nightmares regarding the death of his twin, Iblis. A death he caused, even if he never meant to. Due to this, he gets sick sometimes. His fur turns darker, his markings receed and turn a sickly pale, his eyes grow dark and he can't see very well anymore. And everything hurts, as if he has the flu.

Doom will use up his sick days at work to stay home and take care of him until he's okay again. Sometimes, he hears Mephiles apologize under his breath, one of the few times he ever has. And Doom hates hearing it. He hates hearing his usually stubborn and outwardly withdrawn mate break and apologize like this. Because, even though Doom doesn't know the whole story, he knows Mephy only did what he did because he was pushed to his limit and lost himself just long enough to cause a calamity. All because he was alone, abused, and afraid. It wasn't his fault, it really wasn't. If the warlord's being honest with himself, he completely understood why Mephy did it, because he himself did something similar, due to his own pain and grief. Although he hadn't been beaten down again and again, treated like an object to be owned rather than a person, he understands that that would break anybody, he's seen it in his own sons after all. So he holds his mate, and he lets him cry, he never shushes him, he never judges him. Because he deserves to finally be heard.

This specific instance is late at night. Doom woke up to Mephy whimpering and sobbing, which is unusual. Nightmares turn him into a screaming, thrashing mess. So when he's shivering while enveloped in Doom's arms, and his whimpering, it puts Doom on high alert immediately, especially when he sees his mate's warped colors, and the way his markings sickly glowed and pulsed that awful pink he knew too well. He gathered him in his arms, as carefully as he could, and sat down in the kitchen with him while making him a pot of soup. And Mephiles is just clinging to him, trying to bury himself as far into Doom's fur as possible, while being too weak to say a word, and all the while it breaks Doom's heart more and more but he's already doing all he can for him. He hates it. He wishes he came back to earth sooner, met Mephy before all this happened, he knows that's an unreasonable thought and he could have never found Mephy in time, but part of him feels guilty for not having been able to save him regardless.

Drew this because I'd drawn and written Doom being mad at him too much lately, and it like, hurt a little bit. It's like watching your parents fight, and i couldn't take it anymore. I had to draw something more domestic with them, a little bit of hurt/comfort for the soul, yanno? Like most of the art and stuff I've written for them have been all sweet and loving, and then i went and shown some of the more painful parts of their relationship and it's not exactly fun. I like drama, i like dark subjects, i like relationship struggles, you know I'm an emo son of a bitch, but they're different, yanno?

Also, this morning, i tried to stand up, and my legs collapsed under me, because i haven't been eating hardly at all the past several days. So, as an involuntary Mephy kinnie, i did the only sane thing and projected my issues onto him. He's not like, anorexic, like i am, just depressed, dw.

Anyways, I love you all 💙💙💙 it's probs gonn be a bit before i post it on Deviantart btw, at least a few hours

Btw i had help from one of my others to draw and post this, cause I'm a lil woozy atm, so that's why there's a second signature next to mine, everyone say 'Thank you, Drake' 💛🐍

#sonic the hedgehog #digital art #mephiles the dark #krita art #alternate timelines #alternate universe #sonic au #oc au #black doom #mephdoom #tw an0rexia #tw depression #tw abuse #tw abandonment #tw grief #light angst #hurt/comfort #vent

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simplycinstuff · 2 years ago

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Let's talk about: Petunia🌼

(Sorry for my bad english btw😅) That Squidward has fallen in love with Petunia caught my attention since the first time I saw The Flower Pot. I mean, Petunia shares similarities with SpongeBob in many aspects: they always keep a dazzling smile, they are cheerful with everyone and they spread love wherever they go.

It's also interesting that Squid didn't hesitate for a second to propose to her, despite the fact that he has known her for only a few hours ago. He thinks he knows Petunia because she is precisely a clear reflection of Spongebob in personality, and Squid knows Spongebob like a lot.

And yeah, Squid fell in love at first sight with her, but it should be noted that Petunia reflects an extremely sweet and happy person in appearance, characteristics that she coincidentally shares with Spongebob 👀💛

He is absolutely convinced that he is in love with a sweet person around everyone and smiling. He says he can't keep his feelings a secret any longer and runs to her desperate to be reciprocated. Although he refers to "Petunia", it is clear that he is subconsciously only in love with what supposedly "defines" her, when in reality, of all the characters in the series so far, the one who has the exact same personality traits as Petunia is clearly SpongeBob💛

Now, if Squidward loves Spongebob so much, why the kelp doesn't he just tell him? Well, that's simple. As we saw in Friendiversary, he tries to deny having feelings for Spongebob. He wants to convince himself that he doesn't feel "anything" for him.

Although, I also think Squidward acts that way, not only to convince himself that he supposedly doesn't love him, but also out of fear of being rejected by him (I mean, just think about it. Spongebob's always there for him all the time, and it would be terrible for Squidward if Spongebob rejected his romantic affection for him, believing he only sees him as a "friend"). But that's just a theory of mine 😆

I hope at some point we can see Squidward being honest with himself and his feelings for Spongebob. At least he's been closer to him lately than he used to be hehe 🤭

#squidbob #otp #spongebob x squidward #theory #spongebob #squidward

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a-mel0n · 9 months ago

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This stupid "Your Name" Bucktommy AU won't leave my brain, and while I don't have enough faith in my writing skills to actually write the damn thing (and it would be my first fanfic... ever?? and that's a project that seems a bit too big for me lmao), I DID write down what I'm picturing some of the "rules" Buck and Tommy have for each other while in the other's body. Mostly just for fun. (Because Tommy would be switching in 2006, the iPhone does not exist yet, so all of his notes are written in an actual physical journal. All of Buck's notes would be on the Notes app of his phone)

TOMMY: 1) Evan, stop running into burning buildings when you don’t have to while in my body. If I wake up in a hospital bed for the fifth time this month, I might actually lose it.

its part of the job to save as many ppl as possible. also u don’t even feel the pain when i get injured in ur body.

You’re right, I don’t. Unfortunately, the pain from having a wooden beam fall on you doesn't just magically go away when we swap. Just... be more careful? Please?

fine. i’ll try and keep ur hospital visits to a minimum.

2) Can you stop flirting with people on calls? Or at the very least give them your number and not mine? In the last week alone my contact list has nearly doubled because you keep giving people my number.

dude its not my fault you’re more popular while i’m you. just think of it as me being ur wingman! how u dont have a girlfriend is beyond me btw. hot chicks love firefighters and ur a good looking dude

Jesus Christ, Evan. For the last time, I’m single by choice.

3) Don’t shower while in my body

already dont

4) Don’t go to the bathroom while in my body

done

5) In fact, unless you’re at work, don’t change any of my clothes while in my body.

fair

6) Do you really need to spend so much of my paychecks on cooking supplies? I have enough pots and pans already.

whats the point of a pantry if its half empty. be thankful ur getting actual food now via my leftovers instead of the utter tragedy that was the state of ur fridge when we first started swapping places.

7) Don’t make a scene while at work.

your boss sucks ass and his stupid orders are going to get people killed. im not gonna listen to him if hes making bad calls while lives are on the line

Evan.

8) Don’t pick up the phone when my dad calls.

got it

BUCK: 1) quit going to eddie’s basketball pickup games. he keeps inviting me while i’m in my own body and its getting harder and harder to come up with excuses as to why i can’t go. it's kinda awkward.

I thought you’d be more grateful, Evan. You’re the coolest guy on the court when I’m you.

2) are you making movie references when ur me? bc chim keeps asking when i got so “cultured” and the other day maddie asked when i watched the princess bride.

You haven’t seen the Princess Bride? I’m leaving you a surprise for tomorrow. Check your couch when you wake up.

did you spend my OWN money on a dvd??? i don’t even own a dvd player. i own every streaming service imaginable.

3) keep the finger guns to a minimum?? idk why you do them so much but both hen and chim have said smth abt it

4) if u get a call from someone called connor or kameron on my phone just let it go to voicemail its personal stuff and i'll deal with it

Evan, you could have told me you agreed to be a sperm donor yourself. Finding out because Connor and Kameron showed up at the fire house was more of a shock than finding out over these memos would have been.

they did what?????

5) don’t talk to my parents

Done.

6) No rule about undressing?

dude idc. i’m not gonna stop you from taking a piss in my body if u need to. as long as you like. don’t have sex with someone while you’re me? oh wait hang on i DO have a rule about undressing

7) DON’T HAVE ANY RANDOM HOOK UPS IN MY BODY.

Wasn’t planning on it, but good to know.

#if anyone DOES actually wanna write this au go ahead #i probably wont myself for reasons stated above #tommy kinard #evan buckley #bucktommy #911 abc #911

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911s-bravest-soldier · 15 days ago

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@domaystic 2: Scattered on the floor

WC: 557

Some Madney for these trying times. Also btw, in none of my fics will bobby ever ever ever be dead. Ever. Even if he comes back to life in the show, i will not be acknowledging bobby is dead arc ever. So u never gotta worry about that from me pookies. Love u all, love u bobby, <3.

(no beta, we die like 911 ratings after the bobby fuckery these last few episodes)

Maddie dragged herself slowly out of bed mid Sunday morning. She wasn’t surprised that Chimney wasn’t in the bed next to her. Even on his days off he was an early riser. With the new baby, he had taken the morning feed and change shifts which she very much appreciated. Pregnancy and post-partum brain just made her so sleepy.

She could already smell coffee brewing which she basically floated to. One cup a day was simply not enough during her pregnancy, and especially not now with two kids. Maddie was happy to be back to her regularly scheduled 4 cups of coffee, the occasional 5 with dessert.

She almost didn’t notice the giggles coming from behind her as she took her first sip.

“What are you doing up already? We thought you’d be sleeping in.” Chimney said, coming over to where Maddie stood in the kitchen. Before she could turn around, Chim had wrapped his arms around her to keep her facing the coffee pot.

“Well good morning to you too.”

Jee-Yun giggled in the background again, and Maddie could hear the jingle of Kevin’s bouncer with the little animals above to keep him entertained. She just wanted to go scoop up her babies and cuddle.

“What are you three up to? Don’t my babies want to come cuddle with Mama?” Maddie’s voice was exaggerated, clearly trying to reach her girl in the living room, and Jee came running into the kitchen clinging onto her leg.

“Mama, mama! Surpri—” Chim picked her up and tried to shhh her, but she persisted. “Surprise, Mama!”

Maddie was confused. But when she turned around it all made sense. All over the dining room table were flowers, balloons tied to each of the chairs.

“What’s all this for?” she asked, welling up slightly as she looked at Chimney.

“Happy Mother’s Day, Mads.”

She had completely forgotten. With everything going on in their lives recently—having a baby, Chimney stepping up at work, Jee-Yun starting school—all of it had fried her brain. She had completely forgotten that Mother’s Day was this week—that Mother’s Day was today. But Howie hadn’t. And clearly neither had Jee, because she wiggled herself out of her father’s arms and ran back to the living room where Kevin was bouncing.

“Look, Mama!” Jee said proudly as she spread her arms to present the scene in front of her. The coffee table was covered in Legos that had spilled onto the ground and were scattered throughout the living room. In the center of it all was a mostly completed Lego set of a bouquet of flowers, surrounded by piles of Duplos and Legos that didn’t look like much of anything.

“Did you do all this for me?”

“Mhm! Helped daddy with flowers! And made mine own!”

Maddie took her coffee to the couch and sat down while Jee excitedly ran around showing off all the things she had made. Chimney smiled down at the girls, sneaking off for just a moment to return with a slice of coffee cake for his wife as he sat down next to her.

“The flowers would have been done, but Jee—”

“Howie, they’re perfect.” Maddie kissed him softly. “Thank you.”

“No, thank you for being such an amazing mom, Mads. I couldn’t see myself doing this with anyone else.”

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ask-postcrash-curly · 2 months ago

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Ok, things seem scary now, so here's a distraction. I'm gonna tell you a bit about Yellowstone.

(Photo not mine⬇️)

This is mammoth hot springs!

I think this picture I took was taken near that area.⬇️

This is “the Grand Canyon of Yellowstone”

(My photo⬇️)

It’s kinda funny, I feel like any super impressive canyon gets compared to the Grand Canyon. Like, I remember when I went to Letchworth State Park with my family, that place was called the "Grand Canyon of the East." (Letchworth is in NYS btw, totally different trip.)That place was really cool too…

This pic of mine that I showed you before is of the Grand Prismatic! It’s Yellowstone's largest hot spring, and it’s 200-330 feet in diameter and more than 121 feet deep (source)

There were also the mud pots! I took pictures but those are buried in an SD card somewhere, I can’t find them rn.

(Pictures not mine⬇️)

They’re, well, super hot acidic mud.

There are tons of other cool parts of Yellowstone, but I’m mostly just sticking to the parts I saw myself. Nothing I’ve shown you so far is geysers, just different geothermal features.

Now THIS in the other hand, is a geyser! Old Faithful herself! (My pic⬇️)

It, well, wasn’t super impressive the day we went, but still super duper cool! (Plus I’m pretty sure I only took pictures of it about to erupt on my phone, all the stuff of the actual eruption I took on my camera, so. Buried in one of my SD cards. Really gotta go through those again)

Other days, however? Well, just look at how big it can get!

[picture not mine⬆️]

Anyway, now you know a bit more about Yellowstone National Park!

thankyou possums really nice pictures. im learning a lot... really incredible. thank you...

#curlyposting

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confesiunianonime · 3 months ago

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Scriu aici pentru ca simt nevoia sa relatez cuiva povestea vieții mele de pana acum când vine vorba de băieți, relatii și sex. Pentru ca simt ca pana la 22 de ani am trăit mult prea multe chestii. Asa ca luați niște popcorn, covrigei, o sticla de cola și niște bomboane și haideți sa va relatez cum am ajuns de la un om care se tundea o data la 3 luni si de care trebuia sa ma rog sa se rada in zona intima, la cel mai bun bărbat din viata mea, iar în timpul acesta sa va prezint mai in detaliu experienta mea cu ritualul reproducerii.

Întâmplarea face ca, am făcut prima oara "dulce dragoste" la frageda vârstă de 15 ani cu iubitul meu de pe atunci. Bine, "dulce" e mult spus, fiindcă m-am simțit constrânsa de împrejurările mele sociale cât și de "minunatul" mascul ce-mi cerea virginitatea de vreo 2 luni deja, spunandu-mi în continuare ca viata sexuala dintr-o relație e poate mult mai importanta decât cea emoțională. (O minciuna totala)

Asa ca, uite-ma singura virgina din grupul meu de prieteni, cu o relație de 4 luni (cea mai lunga pe care o avusesem vreodata) cu un băiat care la rândul lui se ținea de capul meu sa-i dau fecioria pe care o pazisem cu săbii și topoare pana atunci. Fiind o copila proasta, m-am simțit nevoita sa fiu și eu în rand cu lumea, asa ca alături de răposatul (nu e mort din pacate) am stabilit o zi în care sa încercăm ritualul de împerechere, eu având foarte multa încredere în "abilitățile sale de mascul alpha" cu care s-a dat mare la mine atâtea luni de zile. (Avea 16 ani btw și mi-am dat seama mai târziu ca era la fel de virgin ca mine)

Asa ca uite-ne, în mijlocul zilei la el în camera, eu plina de rușine fără pantaloni și cu tricoul pe mine,el cu pantalonii în vine, încercând sa facem imposibilul sa se întâmple. Pe lângă faptul ca am refuzat vehement orice schimbare a poziției (stăteam pe spate) acesta a refuzat sa se oprească când i-am spus ca ma doare de nu mai pot. (Lucruri care denota faptul ca eu nu eram pregătită de nicio culoare pentru acel pas, iar el voia doar sa-si "rupă ata" o data)

Lăsând ceva timp sa treacă, pana la urma răposatul s-a saturat de vaicarelile mele și de faptul ca nu îmi doream sa cooperez mai mult decât o făceam deja, și am lasat-o balta. Penetrarea pe bune urma sa se întâmple la vreo luna după prima încercare.

Întâmplarea face ca am rămas cu răposatul vreo 5 ani 🤮 timp în care am experimentat cele mai groaznice momente în timpul sexului semi-consensual din viata mea. Și spun "semi-consensual" pentru ca deja după un an de relație sexul cu el devenise o obligație. Dansului ii plăcea mai "rough", dacă se putea cât mai aproape de SA dar cu consimțământ. În 99% din cazuri, în zilele în care ne vedeam trebuia ori sa ne-o tragem ori sa primească oral, altfel se plângea și ma făcea sa ma simt ca ultimul om. (V-am spus pana acum ca era un manipulator extraordinar care m-a împins aproape de suicid de 4 ori?) Bun, chestia e ca omului ii pasa doar de el în timpul actului, doar el sa se simtă bine, nu conta dacă ii spuneam ca ma doare, ma ustura, nu mai pot, omul continua pana "trecea linia de finish". Toate lucrurile astea, plus tormentul mental și emotional la care m-a supus m-au făcut sa am o imagine foarte proasta despre mine, ajunsesem sa ma simt ca o păpușă de porțelan care se putea sparge în orice moment. Din fericire am prins tupeu și am terminat-o definitiv cu el.

Din păcate, în momentul în care m-am desprins de răposatul și m-am văzut libera și singura la vârsta de 20 de ani, am intrat intr-o stare de hiper-sexualitate. Ma postam în diferite ipostaze, imbracandu-ma foarte vulgar, folosindu-ma de un personaj creat din cauza gustului de libertate simțit după 5 ani. Lucru de care mi-am dat seama aproape recent ca a fost doar un răspuns al traumei trăite.

Vorbind cu X și cu Y, postând poze ce atârnau foarte aproape de linia indecentei majore, l-am cunoscut pe tipul cu care aveam sa-mi iau revanșa asupra propriului corp, dar tot o data luandu-mi și puterea înapoi.

Era un tip la vreo 18-19 ani, deci clar mai mic, de pe undeva de la munte.(eu stau intr-o zona lângă bucuresti) nu era cel mai răsărit boboc, un 5/10, slab ca scandura, da măcar ma făcea sa rad și nu-l deranjau asa tare aerele mele de superioritate de pe vremea aia. Vine tipul, rămâne la mine 2 zile, prima oara cu el a fost cel mai ciudat lucru, eu fiind obișnuită cu răposatul. După vreo 2-3 dați în care ne-am "învățat corpurile" unul altuia, am început sa dau eu personal startul unor partide în care se întâmpla numai ce voiam eu, cum voiam eu, când voiam eu. Razbunandu-ma pe propriul corp prin momente de care știam ca ma vor răni mental foarte mult, dar luandu-mi puterea înapoi prin faptul ca am luat rolul dominant in acea relație, și nu doar în pat. Fapt care a dus și la despărțirea de dragul nostru boboc, o despărțire cu adevărat îngrozitoare pentru mine (I was actually really în love with him) dar uitandu-ma înapoi, nu-l pot învinovăți, am fost o adevărată jigodie câteodată, proiectand pe el toate insecuritatile și traumele mele.

După despărțirea de boboc care m-a băgat intr-o depresie nasoala vreo 4 luni si m-a aruncat in abuzul de droguri usoare(depresie care m-a lăsat cu o insomnie nasoala, nu puteam sa dorm mai mult de 2-3 ore pe noapte, chiar și cu 2-3 G-uri fumate + somnifere) am tot sărit din relație în relație, ca o albinuta de la floare la floare.

Am frânt inimi care nu meritau, am avut inima franta din nou și din nou, am fost în relații doar ca să fac în ciuda altor băieți sau din plictiseala, și cu toate acestea deja trecuseră un an iar eu nu mai știam cum se simte atingerea unor mâini calde și rapanoase de mascul între picioarele mele. Fierbeam din toate punctele de vedere și tot ce voiam era sa mi-o dau o data cu careva.

Dar din păcate pentru mine, în decursul acestui an crescusem foarte mult ca persoana, lucrand intens la foarte multe dintre traumele mele, iar personajul hiper-sexual pe care îl creasem se destramase cu totul, lăsând în urma sa o tânără cu principii ce nu voia sa lase orice fustangiu libidinos între picioarele sale doar pentru o noapte de placere. (Boring, stiu)

Aici intra actualul meu iubit, un tip pe care aveam ochii încă de la despărțirea de bobocel, de care nu prea știam mai multe inafara de numele lui și faptul ca-si luase motor destul de recent.

După destule planificări și un micuț ghost de 3 zile din partea lui, am reușit sa ieșim la date. Unde m-am simțit extraordinar de bine, însă nu eram sigura de intențiile sale. Asa ca am decis sa-l testez cu un road-trip spontan pana la Brașov, unde m-a și dus și unde am avut primul nostru sărut, pe banca sus la Belvedere 🎉💕

Acum intamplarea face ca, și dansul era la fel de fiert ca mine 🤣 insa eu o jucam pe Maica Teresa deoarece nu-i puteam da de înțeles ca îmi stătea gândul aproape tot timpul la ce are el în pantaloni, asa ca am jucat "hard to get" o perioada sa vad dacă rămâne cu mine sau ba.

A rămas, iar la vreo 2 săptămâni după ne-am trezit ca eram fiecare cu mâinile în pantalonii celuilalt, ca la o săptămână să dispară pantalonii de tot 🤣 El m-a învățat cât de fun poate fi sexul cu adevărat. Mi-a luat toate inhibițiile și le-a făcut dispărute. M-a învățat cât de fun poate fi sa te lași dominata de o persoana căreia ii pasa de plăcerea ta. M-a făcut sa dau la o parte rușinea pe care o aveam fata de corpul meu, sau de fetele pe care le făceam în timpul dulcii dragoste. M-a ajutat sa trec peste foarte multe lucruri, și încă ma ajuta. Încă încercăm chestii noi când vine vorba de viata noastră sexuala, și învățăm împreună să facem compromisuri pentru plăcerea celuilalt, but never forgetting each others boundaries. El e și primul tip cu care m-am mutat🥰🥳 iar viata e din ce în ce mai minunata pe zi ce trece.

Morala poveștii? Nu lasă niciun răposat cu fata cur si creier pane de gaina sa te facă sa te simți ca și cum nu merita sa existi. Și crede-ma, sexul e fun. E al dracului de fun. Trebuie doar sa găsești persoana potrivita.

#confesiunianonime

#povesteanonimă

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twistedastrology · 1 year ago

Text

♋cancers and rage♋

-------------------------------------------------

i just did a workout because i had way too much energy today and now im exhausted so im gonna talk abt sumn im very passionate abt while i sit on the floor and recover 😮‍💨

- 🌙 -

a pretty big observation ive made since ive been into astrology and more specifically since ive been basically reinventing it in my head is that cancers, especially cancer risings/cancer mars, have a VERY misunderstood relationship with anger.

most people ive seen have said something along the lines of cancers are crybabies and they tend to cry when they're angry or just skip anger altogether and go to the depression side of things

personally, im a cancer rising with mars conjunct my ascendant (and ofc saturn in my 1st 💞💞) and i have NEVER found this to be the case, and other cancer risings i know don't follow those stereotypes either

- ♈ -

in my experience, imagine a combination of aries energy and capricorn energy, THAT'S what cancers embody when it comes to emotion, especially rage.

i've written an entire newsletter on this and made a whole instagram post for it over at @bluedashercrafts (they're not on tumblr yet but the link takes u to their instagram!!) so i have indeed thought very in depth about this 😮‍💨

cancers can blow up like aries, but they can hold a grudge like capricorn- and if you're me and you have saturn in your 1st (in fixed fire btw 😮‍💨), you'll lean more towards the capricorn side of things in any emotion.

i personally have a massive tendency to bottle up the pain (andrageandfearthatifeeltHEPAINANDR-) until im in a safe environment to get it out (aka being alone with my earbuds in and music blasting) OR until i can't hold it in anymore and the steam gets so high pressured that it blows the lid off the fucking pot- that's when i gotta run away and isolate myself and do a workout ASAP otherwise i will likely hurt myself because there's just So Much Energy

- ♑ -

i wanna bring a couple other examples to the table so you get a better idea of what im talkin abt here-

if you're a korn enjoyer like me, you'll know the My Gift To You - Woodstock '99 performance. well the first time i saw that and it got to the "I HATE YOU- CAN'T YOU FEEL TEH PAAIN-" part, my fucking jaw dropped and i almost cried because i could not believe that i was seeing someone else exhibit the same like- Pure Unbridled Rage that i experience all the time- the kind of visceral emotion that literally makes you flail around on stage and then bang the microphone against it like 3+ times because you're trying to come back to reality like jonathan davis was-

THAT is the level I'm talking about- that is the level that is very specific to cancer placements, specifically cancer risings and cancer mars (and his mars is in a cancer degree of scorpio, so there you go)

another more well-known example would be Markiplier! if you've seen his rage game playthroughs, you'll know he throws chairs and mouses and just generally gets pissed to an ungodly extent- he's a cancer rising with his venus and sun in cancer and his mars in leo.

- 🌓 -

cancers are NOT the signs that break down crying when they experience anger, they are the ones that feel their blood boil more than aries does.

for another good example, my best friend has his mars and venus both in aries, but he's another cancer rising- whenever he gets angry, he gets VERY angry, but he doesn't have the saturn influence that i do, so his anger is much more aries-like (short fuse, louder about it and it doesn't last as long- his is more like the classic interpretation of anger issues), whereas mine is MUCH more capricorn-like (LONG fuse, WAY quieter about it but god forbid it gets loud, and it Can last a very long time)

- 🪐 -

now you might wanna ask me "why the hell do you keep saying aries and capricorn specifically", well i just explained that im not gonna lie BUT-

cancers are very aries-like because they're the CARDINAL water sign, and cardinal signs are basically just fire-coded whatever element they are- (aries is double fire, capricorn is fire-coded earth, libra is fire-coded air, and cancer is fire-coded water)

and with aries being the fire-coded fire sign, it's essentially capricorn is aries-coded earth- THAT'S why cancers can be VERY similar to aries.

as for capricorn, cancers are the sister sign to capricorn, so they'll share similar traits despite being on opposite sides of the wheel. PLUS, where fire burns itself out very quickly, water doesn't really dry out very quickly especially if there's a lot of it.

- 🌑 -

this is really just part 1 when it comes to my reinvention of cancers- ill cover their relationship with sex as opposed to scorpios in another post because i really wanna delve more into that BUT!!!

if you want more of a well-put-together post on this, go check out the ig post and newsletter i did for blue dasher crafts!!! i also dived a little more into my personal experience with the anger and catharsis i go thru being a cancer rising/mars so!!

#astrology #cancer zodiac #markiplier #korn #astrologer #astro observations #zodiac #zodiac signs #cancer rising #mars #saturn

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