#potentially. again i have no fucking idea

[air-of-the-waterfall]

This entire post blew my mind, but I want to add onto "no penalty for shutting the fuck up if what's being said goes over your head."

I think the idea of a "penalty for shutting the fuck up" that comes from school where your grade decreases when you don't participate sticks with us for a really long time. In school (our entire lives up until 21), you have to be constantly racing to keep up with the structured grade system. Being a teenager or young adult in school is surviving in a constant state of "what's next" and "what am I forgetting" and "how will I be evaluated" and "how will that shape my entire future." Even though grade school is rarely as high-stakes as it's made out to be, that stress and pressure are constantly present in the brain on at least a simmer during our most formative years. When your grade decreases, so does your average, and therefore essential scholarships and opportunities potentially decrease. We're told these things are going to make or break us.

"Growing" in childhood is usually conceptualized in that state of mind, where everything is a race to keep up. Sometimes it's like living in constant survival mode. Whether you did well in school and attached your self worth to that, or you struggled and came out with low confidence, the perpetual looming dread of just being in school makes us used to perpetual dread.

As adults fully out of school, we can make our own decisions about what "growing" and "learning" and "improving" can look like on our own time. At the same time, once you get out of school and have to take care of yourself and the stakes are actually life or death, school suddenly looks inviting again because at least it's familiar and you know how to manage it.

I think mostly what young fandom types (and I guess younger people in general) who are very very invested in the idea that “20 is still basically a minor” need to understand is that the feeling of “I’m just a child pretending to be an adult, and everyone else around me is a REAL adult” is DEEPLY universal (and won’t stop, ever, by the way, sorry!) and also is not, like, praxis.

Believe me, I get it, but the self-infantilization needs to stop, especially when you’re trying to engage in conversations about actual children and the harms they can face. Yes, it is scary to wake up and realize you’re 22 and you still feel like you’re 15, but it happens to all of us. You’re an adult. You have to deal with it.

[prettyboykatsuki]

heaven in your eyes | zayne (li shen)

♡ tags ; afab + gn!reader, established relationship, porn/no plot, role-reversal, so much dirty talk, soft dom + top!reader (using strap), slight brat + bottom!zayne, very light d/s dynamics, orgasm denial, rimming (m!recieving), anal fingering (m!recieving), pegging, zayne-centric, 18+

♡ wc ; 5.4k (just kill me)

♡ a/n ; this is so embarrassingly self-insert and self indulgent. im going to screamdfjkgs. so sorry. i hope its a good read at least.

title from lemme know by vince staples which will be good to listen for vibes. plus the lyric after this one. anjksdkj

additional authors note at the end abt his characterization here!!!

♡ synopsis ; zayne has a hard time asking for what he wants. you have a hard time paying attention when he wears his new outfit.

“My love. We’re not gonna make it to our—“ A deep shuddering sigh leaves his lips as you peer up at him, your hands just at his waist - lips against the column of pale neck. “…our date,”  

“Hm? Oh, I guess not.”  You murmur, not paying attention. You feel Zayne flush under you, the soft beat of his pulse under his skin.  

He gives you a long look. A half-hearted attempt to sway you. You’re almost out of the door by now, and if you don’t leave soon - you’ll be in a rush. All of these are fair worries. You applaud Zayne for being so considerate under the circumstances. 

Even after you’ve nearly jumped him by the doorway, hands wandering as you peer up at him. You feel a little guilty for potentially ruining your evening plans. But even if you did go to dinner now, you’re sure your patronage would be unwelcome. 

You’re not sure you have the self-restraint needed to not eye-fuck Zayne in a crowded dining room—even less that you don’t pay the bill too early to lay your hands on him in the car.  

And that has its own appeal, sure—you think about doing it just to be polite. But it’d be all sorts of inconvenient trying to drive back home in that state, disheveled and half-way to restless so you could get what you’re really offer.  

You nip at the junction between jaw and neck, teeth lightly scraping thin skin as you trail a kiss up to his earlobe and bite. “I feel sorry about our reservation but I can’t find a good reason to go when I could just bend you over right now,”  

His expression is charming. There’s an innocence to it, a novelty at his surprise hearing you speak so clearly that makes you shiver. A flush pinkness that deepens at the tips of his ears, the soft furrow of his brow. Like he’s embarrassed even though Zayne is not particularly self-conscious or coy.  

You suppose this element of your relationship still proves to be a bit much for him. It’s less that Zayne hates showing weakness - but more that control and the presence of it define his life. It’s hard to give that up so easily, you’re sure. Yet you want to do it anyway, so desperately the words fail you and lead you into cornering him for it. You like that it makes him self-conscious. It’s endearing and arousing in the same breath to watch him fall into familiar habits - unsure of himself. Fidgeting with his sleeve, thinking things over.  

A lot of things in your relationship are new for Zayne, but he must’ve had thoughts. Ideas about what love would look like and what sort of man he’d be. You feel a little sorry you’ve thrown a wrench in those plans simply by being what you are. But if he could see it from your view, you’re sure he’d understand.  

He looks almost displeased now though  - a silent plea in the small micro expressions of his face, yet he doesn’t do anything to turn you down.  

Truthfully you’re fond of this mild resistance. It fills you with a playful sadism seeing his general affect change so drastically in a heartbeat. You pull back to look up at him - kissing his jawline again. You let your hand ghost along the edge of his white blouse, tracing the folds of fabric with a thoughtful hum.  

“Would you be more inclined if I said please?” 

Zayne doesn’t say anything back, just looks down at you with expression nearly indiscernible from his others without the keenest eye. Fortunately you’d recognize that mild embarrassment anywhere. You grin haphazardly at him, head tilted.  

“Or maybe it’d be better to be direct and tell even if we do leave, I’ll be thinking of nothing but fucking you until we get home anyways,” You muse. His brows raise ever so slightly. You play innocently, pretending to think. “But if you’re feeling hungry or really want to go then I’ll wait it out. Is that alright?” 

His expression blooms, a bright red flushing down to his chest - avoiding your prying eyes. “You’re being smug,” 

A grin splits your face. “Am I?”  

“We shouldn’t…” He trails off, finally noticing the distant stare in your eyes as you him.  

“Proper as always, Doctor.”  

You’re at a stand-still. Zayne frowns, expression weary in that sweet way. A little more. 

“My love,” 

“It’s your call, sweetheart.”  

“You mentioned liking the outfit on me,” He says, soft and quiet. Not quite a protest - something closer to self-defense. You smile a little.  

“I did. I do. It’s distracting me,” You hum. “You wore it for me right?” 

His blush deepens, just a little. He frowns. “You’re rather easy to distract,”  

You’re kind enough to not point out his avoidance of the question. “Guilty as charged,”  

You let yourself push forward. Your fingers dip underneath the hem of his shirt before you slide your hands underneath, palms pressing hot against cool skin. Smooth and warm to the touch, you squeeze just above his hips, to the small of his back - tracing a line down the center curve until you’re just at the waistband of his pants. You peer up at him again, standing tall enough to press a kiss to his lips as a small offering.  

In many ways, you find this part of Zayne amusing. He’s not shy in the least bit, not really. He can meet your flirting with his own wit so well you’d go as far as calling him smooth. Charming in all the right ways. It’s fun to flirt with him and know he’ll always match your energy.  

But he’s surprisingly weak to directness. No beating around the bush, no euphemism or innuendos. Whenever you make your intentions as clear as you can are the few instances he seems to be sincerely surprised - almost coquettish in a way you find so charming on him when he’s often anything but. 

This specific attention draws it out of him most, and it’s fun. You think it’s less that the attention itself embarrasses him, and more that he finds it hard to admit that he enjoys it. Maybe it’s your own disposition speaking - but you like that aspect best. That he does like it despite himself, and that you get to exploit the few moments he lets himself be caught wanting such a thing.  

You can’t be sure if this is what he had in mind but it doesn’t change that he wore for you because you told him you liked it. And you do like it on him - both in memory and in aesthetics.  

They’re not clothes he’d pick for himself. Long and silky, an open chest and lace choker - layered necklaces and flowers. He looks like a prince out of a fairy tale, an unusually sweet appearance. He’s handsome enough on his own, really. Whenever you let your eyes linger too long you grow impatient.  

He always looks good. 

The clothes soften him is all. It’s a different look and you like it on him. You love it really - if you’re honest. Enough that every time he wears it a thousand thoughts run through your mind and none of them are especially appropriate. Surrounded by flowers, dressed in pink and white. Pretty. Zayne is handsome by nature, but it’s rare he ever looks so pretty. Pretty in the same daisy flowers are. He leaves you half-way between wanting to preserve him, string him into something nice - or wanting to ruin him completely.  

You pull away from the kiss, lips brushing his. A warm feeling settles in your stomach as you look at him again.  

“We’d better go now if you still want to,” You say slowly, eyes flickering to his as he turns the choice over in his head.  

Zayne doesn’t say anything but steps away from you. You find yourself ready to relent and go to dinner - but to your surprise he makes no move to leave. Instead he locks the door where it was unlocked and looks at you with a very faint blush. You laugh warmly at him, it’s just like him to do.  

“Guess we’re canceling,” You hum, pulling him towards you by the wrist. “Good boy for being honest,”  

“I was concerned for the patrons,”  

You laugh brightly at that. “I’m sure you were,”  

He trails behind you as you make your way to the bedroom, his hand in yours squeezed tight. You pull him without looking back, only stopping to shut the door behind you both. The room is dim as the sun gets close to setting - room painted in the warm shades of dusk. When the door closes, you crowd in on him until his back is pressed against it.  

He breathes a long, drawn out breath. The air in the room is thick, dense with tension. You draw your hands up the nape of his neck until both of them thread through his hair, tugging slight enough to draw a breath from him. You push up on your toes to kiss him like this, a hand on your back to hold you steady but obedient enough not to ask for anymore, not to pull you closer without permission 

Zayne always kisses desperately. His body is honest about his desires always, no exception to the rule. A shaky breath and a deep, murky desire , he’s eager for you when you slot your lips against his. You waste no time in stringing him along, giving him a deep kiss with tongue and teeth. You feel him melt in your grasp at the aggression, smiling into it - his sweet panting breaths like music to your ears.  

“So fucking cute,” You breathe, pulling away. His lips are pulled into a frown, but his eyes are something else entirely. He lets his forehead rest on yours.  

“You’re the only one who’d say that about me,”  

“I’m the only one who should,”  

His expression is honest. Eyes widening before the flush on his face goes deeper, glassier. He likes things like this. You always make sure to say it out loud just to see it, and it never fails to fan the flames of your desire. You loosen your grip, cradling his face with both hands to look at him more closely. A face reserved for you - hazy with anticipation and so eager. Wanting for your attention so seriously you feel your core throb just laying eyes on him. You kiss him again gentler, pulling away and pressing a thumb to his lip when you do. Zayne parts his lips unthinkingly. Your thumb slides against his tongue, watching as he closes around the digit. When you pull back, you brush his saliva against his lips, wetting them before kissing him again.  

“It’s good we stayed home,” You murmur. A kiss on the corner of his mouth as you speak. “I don’t know if I’d make it back to the car if we went to the restaurant,” Another, closer to his chin. “I’m sure I’d take my heels off and  get you hard under the table instead. You’re good at keeping a straight face so I’m sure we’d be fine,” One more, further down, closer to his pulse. “No one would catch us, so there’d be no good reason for me to stop doing it, either.”  

Zayne lets out a soft groan, something from the back of his throat. You trail down at to his neck, stopping your wet kisses to sink your teeth.  You suck a hickey into the open space. 

Zayne’s voice is a tremble - still on the edge of even. “You—That’d be… hard for me,”  

You kiss the bruise you leave, finger tugging at his lace choker to leave another one underneath it. 

“Right, of course. And you can’t make a mess even if you wanted to so you’d have to wait till after dinner,” You take a beat to bite down again leaving  a bigger mark this time. You feel the capillaries split underneath the dull scrape of your incisors as a hickey forms - throbbing as it bruises and blooms. “You’d have to wait until after dinner to get any relief, but I think I’d have to leave you on edge ‘till we got home,”  

“Why would you—?”  

“It’d be a waste to make you cum anywhere other than on my cock since that’s what I wanted anyway. Of course I’d feel a little sorry for you, so I’d take the edge off,” You trail down lower, nose brushing against his collarbone and clavicle as you stop to leave more marks. You hear Zayne inhale underneath you - making you smile. “I’d use my hand since it’s easier to tell when you’re going to cum but I can’t let you. And then, when you can’t hold it anymore - then we’d have to go home,”  

Zayne makes a noise. It’s a soft sound, throaty and desperate as you’ve set him on edge. Pleasantly needy. You kiss down his chest, over each brand new mark - adding color to the display of necklaces he already has on. You use another hand to slide down his chest, his stomach and waistband - until you settle over his cock. It’s hard, strained against your palm as you cup and squeeze. He lets he’s head fall back, eyes fluttering closed as you keep speaking.  

“But you’d have to wait a little while longer even we got home. You let me in here easier now,” You slide your hands around, squeezing his ass. Zayne makes a strained sound, muffling it as best he can. “But I can’t just shove it in right? You’re a good boy so you’d have to wait it out some more for me.”  

Zayne pants, eyes searching for you as the room slowly darkens. “My love,” 

“What is it, baby?” You hum. Your eyes meet as you rest, your thumb over the tip of his cock over his clothes. He lets out a shaky breath.  

“Please don’t tease me,” He says flatly.  

You laugh at him. It comes out a little meaner than you want, but it can’t be helped. “You don’t want me to?”  

He frowns at you. “No,”  

You pretend to frown. “Too bad. You’re fun to tease,” 

He looks at you with his face slightly pinched. “Please,”  

“I’ll play nice since you were a good boy for me today,” You praise. You see Zayne blush. “Think you can be good for me again?”  

He nods. You smile, pressing up to whisper against his ear. “Take these off and bend over the side of the bed. Wait for me,”  

Zayne meets your eyes. Obvious embarrassment has a flush crawling down your face, but he goes anyhow - waits for you as promised, as you creep to the other side of the room as you open a drawer in your bedroom. You strap into the harness first, tightening yourself into it until its snug - heavy weight between your legs secured. You take the lube next, assessing that there’s enough in the bottle to make it work. 

Your boyfriend waits for you like you've asked. Kind of. At the edge of his bed with his arms folded on the mattress and his knees on the floor - back arched. He’s slipped his pants just below his thighs but his boxers are on still. You turn a dim light on to keep the room from pitch black before you settle down behind him. Zayne looks over at you from his shoulder when you do - your hands on his hips as you bend yourself over him.  

It’s easier this way to talk to him, your chin on his shoulder and your body pressed to his spine - voice next to his ear. “I thought I told you to take this off,”  

Zayne tucks his chin. “I thought this would be fine,”  

You laugh “Is that right?” 

You do him the favor of leaving his pants on, pulling them down to his knees before you tuck your fingers in his boxers and pull them down entirely. Zayne flinches at the sudden change in temperature. You take a second to admire him. Smooth pale skin flushed rosy as you slide the boxers off, revealing him to you completely. His cock sits heavy, tip ruddy and leaking against your bed sheets as Zayne shudders from the friction. 

You run your finger on the underneath side of his shaft - watching his shoulders tremble at the featherlight sensation. Your lip twitches.“I barely touched you. Did you work yourself up thinking about what I said?”  

He clears his throat. “…It was very detailed.”  

You hum. “Yeah? What detail made you like this? The part about being teased or the part about being fucked?”  

You can see Zayne blush even deeper. It’s visible. His ears are red, but this time its all the way down his back. You don’t think you’ve ever seen it go down so far.  

“No answer?” You coo. 

“…If you already know, it’s impolite to ask,” 

“It’s fine to say it directly,” Your hand slides from his hips to his stomach “That you wanna feel me right here,”  

He shrinks underneath you, face buried in the mattress. You snicker at his reaction - nearly petulant with how he moves away.  

“Are you that embarrassed to say it? You’re good at dishing it out but you can’t handle it at all.”  

“It’s hard to say,”  

“I tell you stuff like that all the time,”  

A beat. “It’s different,”  

“It is? I see, I see. Think you can answer questions then? Just a yes or a no.”  

Zayne pauses, suspicious but unsure. “I don’t see why not,”  

“Do you want me to then?”  

“To what?”  

You grin. 

“Do you want me to fuck you, baby?  You haven’t told me straight once even though I’ve been so direct about exactly what I want to do. I thought maybe you need more details to make you feel comfortable,”  

You can hear him flounder. “That’s not—“  

“See, I’ve got such a pretty picture of you in my head already. You look just like this but you’re getting stretched on my cock and fucked half stupid,” You trace your hand down his spine “Holding you down so you can’t run away from it and making you cum until there’s nothing left to fuck out of you. But I can’t do it until you say yes, see? So it’s a bit of predicament.”  

Zayne’s voice is hoarse. “You’re being unfair,”  

“You said you could answer me right? So answer me. Just a yes or no, with your words and we can make something even prettier out of you together. Doesn’t that sound nice?”  

He’s shaking under you. You almost feel bad.  

Almost.  

“Y-yes. Yes, just -“  

“It’s alright baby. I’ve got you,” You coo at him, and you mean it. And you’re sure Zayne is more than fine with keeping quiet for the time being.  

You kiss down his spine over his clothes, not wanting to take the shirt off even still. All the way down to the small of his back, lower and lower. You use your hands to spread his ass apart, amused by the way he trembles.  

It seems like he catches on too late to what you’re going to do.  

“Wait, wait, you don’t need to—“  

The words fall on deaf ears as Zayne falls forward with a shudder, his hips giving out almost immediately as your tongue slips against his hole. You can hear him start to say something but each time the words seem to fall flat, dying in his mouth. Replaced with what you’re certain are choked out moans that he’s trying  desperately not to let out. You press your tongue flat against the tight rim until you fall into a steady rhythm, feeling him twitch on each pass. He’s a mess above you - you’re not sure if it’s from shame or pleasure or both, but he hasn’t made a single attempt to push you away from it and it’s only goading you further.  

You’re being relentless - for no real reason other than you want to, want to see how far he can be pushed this way. You collect your spit on your tongue before pushing into tight hole with a little effort. Zayne lets out a sound like the air has been punched right out of his lungs, his cock twitching endlessly. When you sink in with your tongue in his ass as far as you can, you use one of your hands to wrap around his shaft.  

Zayne hisses, a broken huff forced out of him immediately.  

“P-please, just—mm,”  

It’d be easy to make him cum like this, you think. You tease him with it, hand rubbing over the tip - thumb underneath the head and over the slit. He twitches hard in your grasp, and you know a little more would be enough.  

So you stop, pull your hands away completely and watch with amusement as he chases friction, air, anything and finds none. Hips stuttering as he seeks relief you refuse him so openly - but still trying his best not to appear impatient.  

It’s an open secret that all Zayne has to do to get what he wants is ask. Throw away his pride for a split second, just long enough to whimper out a simple turn of phrase and it’s his. Whatever he wants. If he can’t yet, then he’s still not where you want him.  

Zayne shudders when you pull away from him completely. Hand and mouth at once, a muffled sound of displeasure at the sudden loss of friction. 

“Felt good, baby? Seemed like it,”  

Zayne looks at you briefly from over his shoulder. You shiver at his expression, so troubled. So frustrated. You smile at him unhelpfully. 

“Did you have something to say?” You ask, goading. Zayne pauses.  

“…No,”  

“You sure?”  

You can hear it in his voice. “I’m certain,” 

You shrug, wordlessly opening the bottle of lube you’ve brought with you and pouring it into your fingers. Pressing yourself to his spine, you fold over him and slide your land lower. Your fingers rub a slow circle against his rim, amused as Zayne breathes shallowly.  

“Hm. Guess you’re not relaxed enough then,” You murmur, voice hot against the shell of his ear “Deep breath, sweetheart,”  

He lets out a soft affirmative. It’s muffled where he presses his face into the mattress, buried into his arms. It’s easier then normal to slip your first fingers in since he’s already relaxed - though the fit isn’t much less tight. Down to the knuckle in one smooth motion, Zayne groans. You pull back slightly, kissing at the expose nape of his neck as his shirt rests haphazard.  

When you’re sure a second one will fit, you add in a second more slowly. His shoulders are trembling. Breathing heavy, thighs tensed from the sensation. You let out a thoughtful hum and scissor your two fingers until it doesn’t feel like there’s any resistance.  

You pause, waiting a beat before pushing yourself deeper and curling your fingers up. It’s helpful you’ve done this enough time to have it memorized. Your fingers press up against his prostate with ease, knowing his body better then your own.  

It’s easy to tell when you’ve found it. Zayne moans. It’s loud and unabashed, the kind of sound you know is completely involuntary - no longer able to hold it in. You use your free hand to continue stretching him open - the other one reaching from his face. Your hand slips in the small space, carefully pulling him up by the chin. His expression is flushed, mildly startled - but not strong enough to escape from your grip.  

“No more hiding,” You tell him, sharper than before. His eyes go lidded, nodding in an absent way. His brows twitch as you rub against his prostate relentlessly. Shuddering, nearly at the tipping point of his coherence. His hands are clawing into the mattress underneath him as he does. You can see how bad he wants it, but his teeth are still firmly in his lip. “You’re still being stubborn about it, huh? Even though it feels good,”  

“I d-didn’t say it didn’t feel good,”  

“You’re shaking,” You point out plainly “You still won’t tell me what what you want? Hm?”  

Still nothing. You take a deep breath, considering your options before slowly adding another finger. Zayne gasps quietly, sweat forming at the base of his neck from the tension. With your middle, pointer, and ring finger pushed inside of him down to the knuckle, you find his prostate a second time. Without mercy, you thrust and curl and push up against it - pulling away from him to get a view of him bent over.  

Zayne’s cock is twitching, silky strings of pre-cum pooling at the floor underneath him. So red it almost looks painful, balls tight. His cock looks heavy and strained - needy. You use your other hand to tease his length, never once getting close enough to give him any relief.  

It takes you wrapping your hand just barely around the head to evoke a whine out of him.  

You stop again. Zayne chokes, hips stuttering at the lack of friction. He pushes back against you, chasing the pleasure but you’re gone before he can. You tsk as you watch him strain himself, but you still give him a minute to breathe.  

The room goes quiet, silent as you let him cool off before Zayne finally breaks the tension himself.  

“Please,” He begs, sounding almost helpless.  

You put your hand on his waist. “Please what, baby?”  

Zayne sighs, exasperated - then hiccups. His voice sounds so different - so out of it. “Please, my love—it’s too much, please,”  

“Is that so?”  

He turns his face towards you more, eyes asking for mercy. “Please.”  

You won’t budge on it, though.  

“Please what?”  

A beat followed by a shaky breath, voice small. Almost fragile.  

“Please let me cum,”  

Without hesitation, you wrap your fist around Zayne’s cock and fall back into a smooth pace fucking him open. You feel him crumple immediately under the weight of the pleasure, his body wracking with shivers. His moans growing louder, less coherent.  

“Good boy,” You praise, increasing the pressure as high up as you can as Zayne cries out. You feel him finally give into the touch completely, desperate and breathy as you pump his cock and fuck him open on your fingers. Your mind is occupied suddenly by the sight of him. Bent over at the waist and shaking, pushing himself into the mattress with his body clasped tight. Like he’s at an altar - vulnerable and waiting. “I won’t stop this time so let it out,”  

His weight collapses, body slumped as you watch the orgasm he’s been chasing wash over him in a single go. His whole body wracks, thrashing as the sensations overwhelm him - swearing under his breath as you touch him through his high until he’s begging you let him off and give him a breather. Thick, hot ropes of cum cover your fingers as Zayne comes down.    

You use whatever left to stroke the silicone cock between your legs, rather then letting it go to waste. Once your hand is free of the mess, you lean forward and kiss the small of Zayne’s back as he re-collects himself.  

“You did good for me, sweetheart. It wasn’t all that hard to say right? But maybe it’d be better if we kept practicing,”  

“Please have mercy on me,”  

You grin. “No can do. One more time, yeah? Tell me what you want and it’s yours,”  

Zayne lets out a sigh, long and resigned. He looks at you from over his shoulders with a furrowed brow before speaking. “…Please put it in,”  

You pause before breaking out into laughter. He groans from embarrassment. 

“Sorry, sorry - I’m not making fun of you. Promise. It was better this time, so good work. Just relax, alright? For me,”   

Zayne nods. Gives in, ultimately - pushing back up on his elbows as you line the tip of your cock against him, sliding it up and against fluttering hole before pushing in with a silent promise to clean him up after this. Zayne tenses only briefly as you push the tip in, watching with heavy eyes as he takes it.  

“You’re stretching for me so nice,” You hum, both hands on his ass and pulling as you watch the pink rim open up around the narrowest part. Opening slowly as you slide your hips, his body reacting instantly.  

As much as it takes to get him to relax, this works every time.  

The tension melts out of his body like candle wax over low flame, hot and heady. “It’s not all in yet but you’re feeling it already. Maybe this was what you wanted, wearing this for me,” You murmur.  

“Aah, aah,”  

You slide yourself in, rocking your hips in measured beats until Zayne adjusts. All the way until you’ve bottomed out completely, cock swallowed all the way down to the base. Glancing where you’re sheathed inside of Zayne, you admire the view carefully. Holding still to let him adjust to the intrusion - you slide your hand underneath the billowy fabric of his shirt. It’s displaced - the nape of his neck and line of his back exposed. Blush-toned with a thin sheen of sweat rolling down the muscles while he hides himself away.  

You had plans to be kinder to him but they go out of the window fast.  

You place a hand on the back of his neck to keep him pinned down while the other one holds his hip. Your words come without ceremony.  

“Tell me when you cum, but you don’t have to ask,” You say. Not particularly nice. “So we’re even,”  

Before Zayne can manage a single coherent reply, you press down on him firm and pull your cock all the way before pushing it back in. It’s one swift gesture, not punishing - but quick enough to leave him off-center and clawing at the bedsheets at the sudden motion. 

A thrill crawls up your spine at the sight of him. The sound of him. The touch, the way he trembles under your grasp. Your stomach turns on itself from the sheer elation of watching him fall apart for you without anywhere to run to. Perfectly pliant and made to take whatever pleasure you can give him. You build a pace up slowly as the flames of arousal lick at your core, grinding yourself into textured end of your strap each time. Once you find the right pace, you find it hard to focus on anything other then fucking him.  

So you don’t bother on thinking about anything else, keeping your grip firm. Consistent and deep, eager as the room fills with the sound of skin hitting skin. Zayne’s moans come out stronger now, pushed out and spilling from his lips like a broken record. You hear him swear under his breath every now and again, when it gets to be too much. A litany of cries that sound sweeter than the chorus of a songbird - you find there’s nothing you want more then to fuck him completely out of his mind while you try and memorize the melody.  

Zayne doesn’t last long at this rate, and it’d be unfair for you to expect him too. But it surprises you just how quickly it all comes down. It doesn’t feel like you’ve been fucking him all that long, especially since he only came a little while ago.  

But you can tell - from the tremble of his hips and the sudden grip on the sheets that he’s close. 

“My love I’m going to—“ 

“Cum for me baby. That’s all you need to do,”  

And so he does, without any hesitation. Nothing comes out for it, but he does cum - and you see it in how he trembles and seizes. All the muscles in his body going taut like a bowstring before he breaks into something finer, like threads of fabric falling apart. He cums hard but nothing comes out, and he lays there in the aftermath.  

You wait a while, but you stay. Sheathed inside of him, kissing a line up his back, at his shoulder.  

“Aren’t you glad we skipped dinner?”  

Zayne laughs tiredly. “Yes, I suppose I am. I would like a break though,”  

“Oh?”  

He sounds embarrassed but firm. “A reward, maybe. I-If it’s alright.”  

You have the inkling that reward just means him laying between your legs. He’s worked hard enough to have it.“Mm. If you want. But I’m not finished with you yet, so it’ll be a little short-lived.”  

“That’s fine. More then fine,”  

You laugh at him. “Right. Then yes. You can have whatever you want,”  

♡ a/n ; some notes about zayne here!! i know a lot of people write him as a rather obedient sub but in my honest opinion - i think zayne has a hard time seriously relinquishing control. it's such a center-piece of his life that giving it up and really letting someone have that sort of influence on him makes him a little shy - even though he is imo notoriously forward.

so i think he can be a touch stubborn / a little bratty when he's being sincere about being submissive. rather then just playing along with you if that makes sense!!

anyhow thanks for reading!!! rbs and tags always appreciated

[trappedinacomputer]

Hey so in my depression about tr!WaterHalo falling apart again I started thinking about why and went down a rabbit hole of angst so if that was Bad's intention , great job :D (/neg but not really, just in a silly way)

Anyways: So i was thinking about how, yes tr!Bad is an oblivious aromantic son of a bitch (I'm aromantic as well, that doesn't explain away his lack of rizz /j) who fumbled the dragon lady for like the millionth time, but there is probably a little more going on to this given him saying "angsty lore is the best lore" so I went down a rabbit hole of where this all goes

Yes this is gonna be a lot and yes it is honestly lowkey embarrassing that I thought up all this because of tr!Bad nosediving a date so hard he might as well have ended up at the center of the earth, BUT I DIGRESS:

*warning: most of this has nothing to do with holywater, it's mostly just !Bad*

tr!Bad has kinda been going through Ultra Depression™ like I've mentioned before due to him losing everything he cares about, which has resorted in him becoming a Gold Medal Olympic Alcoholic but also he's started to push people away a bit more

I got to thinking maybe the reason why Bad botched this date so hard (if we ignore the fact that he is in fact just this oblivious and didn't realize it was romantic) is because he's trying really hard to not actually care about Water, because he knows that people he cares about get hurt/die, even given his best efforts to save them..so maybe if he lets Water start hating him on her own, she'll stay away and live a long life like she deserves

BUT then I started thinking about !Bad as a character and just how fucking depressing he is which led me down the path of thinking about what exactly happened to him/what is happening to him now which leads me to my theories of his character and timeline of events:

Bad is an angel chilling in heaven, doing what he's told like any good angel does when he's given the task of killing the dinosaurs, which he does because it's what he's told to do. However, when he returns he is told this is his purpose, his one task for all eternity is to kill and cause destruction which is not at all something that sounds inticing.

He, along with others, rebel against this idea that their fate and existence is predetermined against their will which directly contradicts their existence. They get thrown out of heaven leading to his fall and being trapped under Euphrates, only being able to escape when he, who would've guessed it, kills the angels guarding him, proving the heavens right.

Like a curse and a constant reminder, a halo continuously hangs over his head even if everywhere he goes, catastrophe follows and every person he learns to love dies by either his own hand or his own actions/inactions, reminding him that his fate is sealed and he can do nothing to prevent it, no matter how hard he tries.

And this gets proven for him when he stumbles onto an island and meets the first creatures in a long time he'd sacrifice himself for: his kids. This was a love that ran deeper than any he had felt before..so when they went missing and he couldn't feel their lives close, he spiraled. Believing he had lost them, he prepares himself to be a catalyst for the end of the world, torturing himself to feel a fraction of the amount of pain he was about to bring. If his kids were truly dead, then the end of life on earth would bring them together again, he would swallow his pride and do what the heavens sent him to do if it meant he could reunite with them again.

But he miscalculated. They were alive, being held somewhere horrible where he had to embrace the killing to potentially save them, but by that time, he was already prepared. When they were escaping from that place and he tanked a nuke to save Dapper, his decay got worse and he found himself in his own mind, between life and death, debating with himself and the different parts of his soul on what to do. He was so prepared to take on his mission, but now what? He was so dead set on completing his purpose to return to his kids, but now they were here with him again, he needed to protect them and take care of them, it wasn't time yet again.

That purpose ate away ate him, but he couldn't risk hurting his kids so when the opportunity to go back to that place of killing arose, he sent the part of his soul that wanted it the most, while the other parts got to stay and protect his kids from it. But his body was still in a state of decay, and actions always have consequences, he suffered for literal months slowly dying but stayed there for his kids, until his body and mind literally gave out, reliving the worst moment in all his lives: the day he lost his son.

When he gets to that desert again, with the scales laid before him and two doors on either side, he didn't even notice they were balanced, not until he looked towards the door "Home", the only place he was ever meant to exist. The door normally locked and chained shut not stood clean, almost welcoming..and he screams "why?" Why now does he get the choice to return home? Why when he finally has something to protect, that he's finally been able to protect, does he get the option to go? He contemplates for what feels like days, but he made a promise to return to his babies, and while it wasn't a deal, he couldn't bring himself to break it.

So he returns to them..but he only has limited time with them before he seemingly does what he does best and the people he loves are once again taken from him. Once all his kids are done, he has carved their memorial into the very earth, and the last of his comrades depart, he does as well. He kills himself seemingly in the only rift in whatever protection the island has and seems..surprised to arrive back in the desert in front of those scales. He turns and sees his kids run up to him from the wide open gates of his home. A beautiful sight, if it didn't come with a cost. Heaven basically dangles his kids in front of his face, knowing these creatures were what he chose over them, knowing the pull they have over him and using it as leverage to push him to complete his mission.. and it kind of works.

Now he finds himself in this new realm, meeting new and old friends, people he cares for, but knowing deep down he's here for a specific reason. He needs to finish this Cathedral to figure out the missing piece to the puzzle of what his mission is/how to complete it. But what's the rush really? He knows his kids are safe in heaven, they can't die again and are out of harms way, he can spend some spare moments enjoying life before he snuffs it out.

I don't think this Cathedral is to contact heaven, I think that's what Bad hopes it does. Bad has made it clear that his mind and memory are all over the place, I've said it before and I'll say it again: I believe that the part of his soul that remembers his mission and is fully prepared to kill the entire planet to see his kids again, is the one he left in Purgatory, and I also fully believe Heaven would trick him into bringing that part of his soul back and forcing Bad to combine it back with the rest of himself. And when not if his mind fails again, maybe it isn't alcohol or a broken heart, but a broken soul, torn between killing everyone to return home to his kids, or never seeing his kids again to buy humanity more time than heaven believes they deserve.

There are some more theories I have that are a lot more eccentric like Bad potentially going through with the apocalypse but betraying heaven to make a new world (maybe with the help of Foolish 👀) but that's not really something I believe is planned lol

[corviiids]

sparknotes for my souyo fic 'going on and on and on'

happy year of the souyo in 2025. it's souyo year everyone! (as always don't read the post if you haven't read the fic it won't make sense)

i feel like this is even less of a sparknotes and more of a stream of consciousness than usual but whatever. it's word vomit about interalised homophobia now

first of all the timeline, which fucked with me initially because p4 came out in 2008 and in my head i was like oh, it's set in 2008. it's NOT. it's set in 2011-2. anyway, i did some hurried bad math about it. basically yu and yosuke are a year or so post-college and are roughly 23-24 years old in this fic. nanako is 14-15. the title comes from signs of love because after i outlined the fic i checked out the lyrics to the song and was like hey. i think i just wrote that.

He said, "I'm the one who's got to leave", I said "Nobody's really got to leave 'cause I don't hear enough explanation All I need is admiration" Big frustration, bro, he goes "Life is short, we gave a shot But didn't work, honey, 'cause we had A whole lot going on and on and on"

so this idea of a post-canon souyo has been plaguing me for about a month, then i got sick and at the peak of the sick i rewatched p4a in its entirety so that was that. i think yosuke with internalised homophobia is rightfully a cornerstone of p4 fandom but lately ive been yearning for a quieter and slightly more insidious form, beyond the old standby of 'yosuke overcomes his visible bigotry, one of them confesses, and the relationship starts'. i was like, what if yosuke IS over his bigotry insofar as it applies to other people, and yu's already confessed, and that's still not enough for the relationship to start because yosuke hasn't overcome the mental block it's created for himself without his knowledge? it's harder to overcome that, because yosuke's not aware that he has any qualms left about liking guys, so he doesn't even notice he's in denial. but yu notices, and it hurts him. and go from there.

i really like yosuke a lot. i think he's the most nuanced take on the best friend character out of 3/4/5 even though i obviously have a lot of love for ryuji as well as junpei - it's not necessarily that yosuke is a better or more complex character, but that he plays more with the trope. it's sort of novel because as well as being the fun and fresh bestie (with baggage!) he is also kind of the brains of the outfit and incredibly shrewd, which is rare for the best friend trope. also, all the best friend types are insensitive at times by way of being happy-go-lucky and sort of indelicate, but yosuke also says fucked up insensitive shit in a more blase and less clumsy way, at least as compared to characters who are openly crass - it reads less as rudeness from being unthinking and more as the consequence of an undercurrent of unconscious social biases, which again is more subtle and insidious. pair that with the fact that he's a legitimately reliable, kind, and clever guy, and that makes him a really fun character to write because he never says the obvious thing. pair HIM with yu, arguably the most good-natured and patient of the three protags, and you get a super fun dynamic with the potential for a lot of heartbreak. i know im not saying anything everyone doesnt already know because souyo has been around since the stone age, but listen. souyo is one of those things that's so obviously good and popular it becomes underrated again. it's like shakespeare. yeah souyo is like shakespeare i stand by that. justice and goodness demands that every now and then you sit down and re-realise how good souyo really is.

anyway! that led me to think about, like... if yu confessed before yosuke was ready, yosuke wouldn't shun him but definitely would make it extremely obvious that this was something he wasn't ready to confront. and those socially learned biases would come out in a way that yosuke means totally innocently and even kindly, but which would nevertheless hurt as much or even more as if yosuke had openly shunned yu. the events in my head are that yu confesses to yosuke a couple of years into living together and yosuke promptly compartmentalises that shit and refuses to reflect on it any further and represses anything relevant to thinking more deeply about it. yu, my best friend, is into me. [that's something i can't think about too much.] when i waved him off, he accepted it, so it can't be that serious. [yu is the type of person to shutter his own feelings away instead of bringing them up if he thinks he won't be well-received or might upset someone else, because he's an independent person who cares about others and fears being alone, which means i can't trust him to tell me honestly if he's upset.] i'm safe to assume this is behind us and move on. [i won't think about this again unless it's brought up again. i know yu won't bring it up again.]

"... Back in second year uni—yeah, he told me he was, I dunno, interested, or whatever. I told him I'd never thought about him like that. He said that was okay. And I guess I just—I mean, I never thought about it again.” Rise considers this. “That’s kinda a weird thing to never think about again,” she says. “Your best friend confesses his love to you and you’re just like, OKAY! Really?” When she says it like that, it is kind of weird.

the comment attached to this section in the working doc: "yosuke: am i really a chill guy or is it repression"

in the fic yu mentions he kissed yosuke at least once while drunk. yu being drunk means yosuke has a perfectly good excuse to dismiss that event as a one-off and ignore it too. this is brought up in like one sentence in the fic and neither character addresses it directly or goes back to it to discuss it, and that was very important to me. i think in a lot of pining fic the focus is on the knowledge of whether or not feelings are requited. once it's clear that both parties have feelings for each other, or even that one party has feelings for the other, the major roadblock is cleared and they're able to pursue a relationship, which is why in a lot of 'getting together' fics the climactic event is, understandably, the confession! in reality things can be a lot more complicated than that :( yosuke doesn't know how he feels about yu, but is aware he feels strongly. but yu confessing and even kissing him or doing other things that make his feelings undeniable isn't enough to overcome the difficulty that yosuke is facing internally - it's not enough to make him sit down and go, yu has feelings for me, so should i think about how i feel about him?

on that note, another thing i really wanted to avoid is the idea that yu just moves out because yosuke doesn't reciprocate:

"... And if you really never felt that way about me… if we were only ever going to be friends, I would’ve been fine with that. But if you refuse to face yourself, it’s different. It hurt too much. ..." -- "... You don't want to be ready. You don’t want to confront this about yourself, the idea that you might feel that way about a guy. You want to keep living this way forever, just having fun and hiding away. And I just—I can't do it anymore, okay, Yosuke? I can't keep helping you hide. I can't keep sleeping in the next room, making you breakfast, helping you pretend away the fact that I—” He stops and sighs. “If I'm wrong, and you never felt the same, then I'm wrong. I can live with that. I just need to know you're not running away. I can't keep being your accomplice in that.”

yu's pain doesn't come from his feelings being unrequited, it's that yosuke doesn't respect himself or yu enough to be honest with himself. if yosuke had done his reflection and come to the genuine conclusion that he either doesn't like guys or does but doesn't feel that way about yu, then yu would have accepted that. in another universe i would've written a fic about genuine unrequited love where yosuke just does not feel that way about yu and yu is okay with it because he loves yosuke as his best friend and partner and would be completely fine living with him as his roommate and standing by him as his friend, content to spend time together. the only reason i can't write this fic is just because i personally think yosuke DOES reciprocate... lol. anyway as naoto brings up:

“No… Well, not really,” says Yosuke. “I mean, I guess it does, but it's not him, exactly. I just don't know how to react to this. It's a lot of pressure, you know? Him saying he's serious about me, and that he can't live with me unless I feel the same, or whatever. It's kind of too much. I know Yu likes guys, but I never even thought about that sort of thing, so it's… kind of a blindside.” Naoto seems to pick his next words carefully. “I don't believe it was ever Yu’s intention to present you with an ultimatum,” he says. “I can't imagine he would want to make your friendship contingent on reciprocating his feelings. It's none of my business, but I would encourage you to reevaluate his meaning.”

this maybe feels like a fine distinction, but it's really important for me to make!! yu's never going to hold his friendship hostage because yosuke doesn't reciprocate. this fic has almost nothing to do with how yosuke feels about yu and everything to do with how honest yosuke is with himself, and how THAT affects yu. yu is aware that every moment he spends with yosuke in this state is more time that he's enabling yosuke not to be honest with his own feelings, which forces yu not only to live in a hurtful lie but to be actively complicit in doing so. this is p4 after all! the entire theme is facing yourself and the strength of heart required to face oneself being made manifest. yu endures it for like five years and then eventually realises he can't do it anymore, either from a values perspective or from a self-care perspective. this distinction matters so much to me because of course it's a ship fic and romance tends to be at the heart of ship fic, but yosuke's romantic feelings for yu really aren't at the heart of this conflict at all. i don't want the message to be that yosuke has fixed himself via being gay for his partner. rather, his love for yu in whatever form, and the idea that yu represents the truth for him, forced yosuke to accept the truth about himself and finally enables him and yu to live in an honest way.

ok let's like briefly talk about the other ships and characters. sorry to yukiko who got almost no screentime it just happened that way.

this fic kinda has... every ship?? in it?? which was sort of intentional. i was really trying to push hard with that 'small town' thing of everyone knowing everyone, because this was what yosuke ended up using as his shield against what he was actually avoiding. he thinks it's just that inaba's world is too small and that he doesn't want to be like his friends just dating within their circles, but as yu points out, it's really not a problem to date within your friend group if that's what's working for you. i wanted yosuke to have this easy excuse to start with before eventually realising his problem isn't inaba and the solution isn't tokyo - the problem is inaba when yu isn't there, because it lost its appeal once yu left, and the solution is only tokyo when yu is with him, because tokyo loses its shine when yu leaves there too. the point is that yosuke is looking in completely the wrong direction for what's actually making him happy. his problem wasn't inaba at all, and there's nothing wrong with dating your best friend. ok i said i was gonna talk about other characters but it's yosuke again. let's talk about other characters. my point was that it's kind of a 'and they all lived happily ever after' stereotype to pair all the main characters off, but that was a Literary Decision. ok it was a Choice. i Meant to do that. probably

chie and yukiko to me are just an obvious pair. i actually initially thought about dating yukiko when i did my first p4 run but after doing her dungeon i abandoned that idea entirely because her and chie go through an entire romance arc in about four seconds flat. i dont need to sell anyone on those two. ive always had a real soft spot for kanji and naoto, but i also really like naoto and rise together, so i thought, this would be a fun way to complicate things even further for yosuke by instead of just pairing them off having them all be involved with each other in this web of casual relationships. i didn't tag any of the other ships because to be frank it's just not really about them since yosuke's mostly just focused on himself, so there's not a lot of detail in the fic about what's going on there, so here's like... a chart... btw seven months pass from the beginning of the fic until the end. at the three month mark chie and kanji go to visit yosuke. ok we go

at the start of the fic kanji and naoto are in an on-again-off-again situationship. when kanji visits yosuke at the three-month mark they're still in this state. sometime between this and the point where yosuke visits inaba, kanji and naoto settle and solidify, so by the end of the fic they are in a serious committed relationship.

naoto is bigender because all detective princes are bigender. yosuke didn't ask her pronouns but they're he/she interchangeably. she can be referred to as kanji (and rise)'s boyfriend or girlfriend but usually prefers partner. the others sometimes fumble around with this so sometimes (most often with chie and yosuke) he will just be referred to as kanji and rise's... (confusion) naoto???

rise and naoto get involved while kanji and naoto are still figuring their shit out and aren't exclusive. they are strictly casual and are not looking to be in a long-term relationship.

kanji and naoto are technically open but neither of them is seeing anyone else except for naoto seeing rise. kanji is okay with this but as naoto says in the fic he is still getting used to it. naoto and rise are prepared to end their involvement if at any point kanji decides he's not okay with it anymore. kanji is a little insecure because he isn't sure how much naoto really likes him, but once he realises how serious naoto actually is about him, he will settle down and i think he'll be fine.

rise is not interested in a long-term committed relationship right now at all. she is exceptionally chill about the interconnected relationships and is jealous of nobody. after yu and yosuke get together she and yu will shake hands and go back to being normal friends.

she gets involved with yu after yu moves back to inaba. they refer to each other as boyfriend and girlfriend but it's not that serious. yu is earnestly trying to move on from yosuke (hasn't yet) but is not attempting to do so with rise, they are just having fun. (rise calls herself yu's rebound but this is a joke)

chie and yukiko are each other's girlfriends but might come out of their holiday as fiancees. unclear

teddie is single

so that's the soap opera part of all this

i was personally really fond of the naoto and rise scenes in this, i just liked writing them a lot. naoto really suffers from being the last character added to the party and so just doesn't get the same amount of time to develop her relationship with the group or with any individual party members, which is such a shame, because she is SUCH a fun character. she and yosuke are really interesting because i would argue that (maybe outside of yu) they're the smartest characters in the party and until naoto joins the group it's yosuke filling the niche of the detective, so it's sort of a shame that they never really get to bond. this section also has one of my favourite lines in the fic which i keep expecting someone to call me out on

Whoa. Naoto’s getting more than him? Pint-sized, gender-ambiguous, awkward turtle Naoto Shirogane?

remember when everyone was saying awkward turtle? i just wanted to be true to this being a game from 2008.

anyway, there are two bits of advice to come out of the naoto and rise sections that i thought were most important to yosuke's development in this fic:

Naoto leans forward. “Yosuke,” he says gently. “I know we don't know each other particularly well, but for my part, I’ve always considered you a good friend. Would you accept a bit of well-intentioned advice?” He waits for Yosuke to jerk his head. “It's not a failure of self to admit that you want something. Just remember that, okay?”

and

Yosuke furrows his brow. “You realise it sucks, right?” he asks her. “It sucks people keep talking to me like they know me better than I know me.” Rise shrugs. “Isn’t that what friends are?” she says. “S’not like not knowing yourself makes you a dummy. That’s life. We haven’t got the TV anymore, so you gotta have friends you can count on to… to switch on the Yosuke show and spot your Shadow self when you can’t see it. Persona!”

the latter to me is about the mortifying ordeal of being known or whatever. it's about being vulnerable to others in a way you yourself aren't aware of and accepting that that isn't a bad thing all the time. i kinda want to offer yosuke some grace here as well - as irritatingly oblivious as he is, it IS kind of disconcerting and upsetting to be constantly told things about yourself like everyone thinks they know better, and it can be really uncomfortable to have a relationship with a friend reframed by finding out they feel a way about you that you weren't aware of. the stuff he has to overcome in this fic is more complex than just 'accept he likes guys' - there's a lot of introspection and acceptance required in looking inward and finding out you don't know yourself as well as you thought you did, especially if there's external pressure.

"hey rook, why didn't anybody kiss in this fic?" i personally really enjoy making you read twelve thousand words of pre-relationship and not rewarding you at all. that's the reason.

when i was first outlining the fic, i got to the confrontation that yu and yosuke have at samegawa and thought, okay, this is the part of yosuke's social link where yosuke (atlus?) fumbles his shit hard, because that entire rank reads as leading towards a love confession until yosuke is like "YOU HAVE TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE."

so in my head i was like, this fic COULD be a fix-it for that. it could be. a different man would end the fic there and have yosuke realise his shit after yu chews him out, and it resolves by yosuke going "this time im going to ask him to kiss me instead of punch me" and then it resolves with a kiss and they live happily ever after. obviously i couldn't do that. it had to be a lot messier than that because of who i am as a person. so i dragged the outline on for another 1.5k or something after that point and the fic itself runs for another 6k.

LIKE THIS POST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I THOUGHT I WOULDN'T HAVE THAT MUCH TO SAY AND THEN IT JUST GOES ON AND ON AND ON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[fuck-customers]

TW: potential sexual harassment, adult in diaper, potential exposing of oneself, aggressiveness,

This is a really weird and long one so I totally understand if it doesn't get submitted. A couple months ago I was working as a pizza delivery driver. I knocked on this guys door (as I had his pizza delivery) and he opened the door wearing a diaper and a short shirt (almost crop top length). I saw that a bit TOO much was hanging out of the diaper. I won't go into detail but I could see his genitals and felt very uncomfortable and afraid. Anyway, I went to hand him his pizza and I said the total. He had a card ready and I said "oh was this meant to be cash?"

So, this is my mistake here - our dockets said 'cash delivery' in big font at the bottom of every order not paid online, but when it was to be paid on the portable card machine there is a smaller text below 'cash delivery' that says 'eftpos machine'. I hadn't seen the 'eftpos machine' text when I was getting in my car so I didn't take the eftpos machine with me.

When the guy brought out the card, I looked at the docket and said 'I'm sorry, I've misread and not brought the eftpos machine, I'm going to call my store and ask what to do' (just as an add on, this was during my second week working there so I was relatively new which was why I didn't know what I should do in this situation). He was starting to get agitated and kept staring at me so I just called my store, and my manager told me that the customer could either pay over the phone with his card number or I could come back to get the eftpos machine. I told the customer this, and he started yelling at me, saying things like 'you're trying to rob me of my fucking money' 'what is your problem are you stupid' and 'how are you going to make this up to me' and heaps of random shit. I just stood there in shock and tried to calm him down but he kept going and going. I kid you not this guy probably yelled at me for like two-four minutes straight.

I ended up saying that I would drive back to the store to get the eftpos machine (the store was literally the street over from this guy's house) and that I would be back in 5 mins. He started yelling at me again saying that I was going to take his pizza and that his food was going to get cold. I told him that I wasn't going to take the pizza and that I was going to leave it with him, and then I left to get the machine.

When I got back to the store my manager was pissy with me that I hadn't brought it in the first place. I told him that the customer had made me uncomfortable because he had pretty much exposed himself to me and then yelled at me for about five minutes (which my manager heard all of over the phone call!) and my manager said he didn't give a fuck and told me to go back to the house.

I came back to the house, and I knocked on the door. The guy called out 'come in!' and I'm thinking hell fucking no I'm not walking into this guys house. He keeps calling out 'just come in! come in!' but I just stand at the door. Eventually he comes to the door and I hand him the eftpos machine. He looks at me and he says 'you know, you have to be better at your job, because SOME people would yell at you for something like that'. And then he closed the door.

I have had no idea what to make of this situation. I really want to believe that this guy had something like dementia which could cause him to not realise that his attire was inappropriate and could also cause the aggression and feelings of persecution. He looked to be about 50-60, so this could definitely be the case. When it happened I felt so uncomfortable and scared, which was mainly because I could see some of his genitals. A part of me is afraid that he had malicious intent behind opening the door to me with his stuff partially hanging out, but I'm just not sure. I know that I fucked up with not reading the docket correctly but I just really don't think that I deserved all of that for that mistake. I think I'm actually more mad at my manager who just told me to go back there alone, even after I told him what had happened and that I was uncomfortable. Also for context I am a 22 year old woman so I was quite afraid lol. Anyway, I've quit now, so thank god for that.

Posted by admin Rodney

[captain-belova]

SPOILER ALRET FOR THUNDERBOLTS* (a review)

WHAT I LIKED

dynamics between teammates,

bob and yelena got my heart 🥹

overall the story, i enjoyed it idk, it felt fresh, it felt good,

pretty much enjoyed the whole movie, i enjoyed the beginning sequence and the fact that Yelena was looking for something else to fulfil her 😭❤️ my baby,

i liked mel, no idea if she’ll be in the mcu in the future, but i’d love me some mel x bucky ngl…

lowkey a BobLena stan… i don’t see the sibling love some of you see…? i see deep care and affection in a qpr or romantic way.

Not sure if this was a part of the English movie since I watched it in my native language, but Alexei calling Yelena Lenochka??? MY HEART.

The Thunderbolts being Yelena’s shitty (lol) soccer team? AGAIN MY HEART

WHAT I DISLIKED

the pacing, it felt too fast, like a chunk was missing in the middle, all was well until the scene where they get their ass kicked by sentry and then it all feels too fast, it felt better when we get the void vs bob scene, then it feels like the pacing is back to normal,

no shame room scenes from the other thunderbolts - the movie is ONLY 2 hours, for sure you can fit a five minute montage of what others saw, cause I think that would add depth to Ava and John (cause it could be war related), even Alexei (but i hate him so idc) + more WS scenes for Bucky or even something from his backstory, we didn’t even get a scene of them talking about what they will do and going into the void, just a scene where ava wants to go and bucky is like we don’t know if she’s alive etc etc + or their reaction to what John said? like how did bucky react? I WANNA KNOW. + i know there were some scraped ideas for ava’s alexei’s and bucky’s shame room still they did not happen.

the little backstory on anya, especially since this could be and probably is a lame callback to Anya from comics, by totally erasing and fucking up a story YOU DO NOT HAVE TO TOUCH. I wish we got some more Red Room Yelena scenes since i’m afraid they won’t touch the topic again too much and this was their time to shine to give us MORE! not that we got nothing but yk… we could have been given 30 more minutes of the movie and I think it would be better.

OML AND THEM KILLING OFF TASKMASTER??? she had So so so so so much potential as a character, she just got free and now what… she just got shot in the head and such an amazing character with so much potential for stories to tell is… dead.

[dykedvonte]

MacCready being one of the few companions to not lose affinity if you eat people makes sense when you remember the fungus in Little Lamp Light grew from decomposing bodies. Like the kids weren’t eating people directly but they were eating people adjacent things.

Not to mention how the Lone Wanderer can trick the kids at LLL into buying “strange meat” to eat which is just human so it’s more likely than not they have just straight up ate people so he’s either very desensitized, knows what food desperation can do to people or feels he really has not ground to stand on since he was in the same boat whether he wanted to be or not.

[quibbs126]

I’ve seen some people suggest the idea of TF One Starscream and Megatronus Prime having been a couple, and while I’m not entirely sure whether I ship it (the potential skystar here has a grip on me), I will say the sheer comedy of the situation makes me strongly consider it

Like I just love imagining Megatron’s reaction to this information being this

He is mortified and really doesn’t want to believe it’s true

But also in some seriousness, I do like the idea with how it relates to Megatron. I remember some months ago someone having a ficlet on here with this ship, where basically Starscream feels like he has to be responsible for and protect Megatron because he failed Megatronus, and because he sees Megatron sort of like a son they never had (or at least I think, it’s been a while since I read it and I don’t know how to find it again), and I like that idea. It’s interesting and also works with the concept that this Starscream is significantly older than Megatron

[tubbytarchia]

was looking through old pictures and found this drawing I did. We were discussing what Pokemon Jimmy would be and I wanted to say Absol but pre-evolved. So here is my pre-evolved Absol. It's Jimmy

[local-limebug]

jason todd has so many underrated canon love interests. essence, isabel, artemis, and rose are all characters i love with him. like those are good ships. why is everyone ignoring them?

[schnee-gheist]

The feeling when you have the greatest idea for a oneshot but CANNOT WRITE

I'm in so much pain rn/hj

[liquidstar]

I think ishigami/miko were really good conceptually as a couple, they're really interesting foils with their approaches to justice, and the most compelling part of their dynamic is that these convictions constantly lead them to help each other out behind their backs. A rigid sense of morality and justice is the center of Miko's character, and this means she always does what the Right thing to do is- including standing up for someone she thinks is a pain in the ass. On the flip side, Ishigami doesn't care about rules or whatever but he cares a lot about people, and can't stand to see someone being treated unfairly and thinks this should be corrected. But both of them agree, maybe out of pride, that they don't need to be rewarded for their help, so they don't really say anything. Instead they just keep helping each other out, whether it's Ishigami protecting Miko from bullies, Miko protecting Ishigami from within the public morals committee, Ishigami convincing Miyuki to help Miko during the election (Albeit in a different way than he thought), or Miko convincing teachers not to hold him back during his suspension. All that stuff.

But since they don't KNOW about the stuff the other person has been doing for them, they also feel resentment because of their attitudes seeming so laissez faire, which is the real source of most of their bickering. Like, "ohh after all the shit that I've done for this motherfucker they're seriously going to be a pain in the ass again today I'm going to KILL them. But yes I'll also keep helping forever obviously." And ultimately this fits really well with the themes of Kaguya-Sama as a whole, being about open and honest communication. And how, just like Kaguya and Miyuki, all their relationship issues really stem from just Not Talking To Each Other without masks on.

It's a REALLY good set-up and I think it's executed fairly well too, but I also think that after a certain point it becomes over-developed with drama on Miko's end since she realizes her crush way before him. But somewhat under-developed on Ishigami's end due to the ending getting rushed (which ik is out of the story's control), because he went from being in love with Tsubame to Miko a bit too quick and it didn't get to feel as natural.

So I kinda understand the manga ending on the note of "Now they're going to go through their version of Kaguya and Miyuki's love story." I do. But it also feels like wasted potential that we didn't see the actual ending of their arcs and I wish the story didn't just get rushed like that. SAD!

[headbandsandflats]

Picked White Collar back up after a brief hiatus and have now hit at least four actors from The Americans, including two in back to back episodes. I love when shows shoot in NYC and you can place them in a very specific time just based on the actors that pop up in one-off spots. (See also: several actors from Gossip Girl - so very here for the late aughts/early tens synergy.)

[fightinggamegirlfriend]

I’m so fucking tired of back to back boss fights. At the VERY LEAST let me have all of my health back for the love of god.

[anabetel35]

Hey does anyone want to talk about the way that Harumi will most definetly have all of the identity issues you may have post-crystalized? You know. Harumi, who spent her whole life dedicated to hatred and trying to bring back an evil that everyone fought so hard to cast away? Who devoted herself to not one but two evil overlords? Who thought that the ninja deserved her hate until she died for the first time and until she was moments away from helping the person who she should've despised all along destroy the world as she knew it? Who spent her entire adolescent life when she was supposed to be a teenager and establishing human connections and figuring out who she was plotting, running a whole biker gang and manipulating most people around her?? Who DIED and is a zombie now? Probably? Who now might not even have a heartbeat to remind her that she's human? Who's worldview has just turned inside out and who will have to live with becoming the exact person that the little kid she did everything for would've hated? Who, for the first time in her life, doesn't have heroes that she can look up to and put on a pedestal, no figure to devote herself to? If not I'll just go into a corner to think about herself on my own--

[liquidchocolatecake]

currently captive audience to a knock down drag out fight in my brain between desire to respect the wishes of the creator and not look for anyone redistributing the comic and god i fucking miss wonderlab i miss wonderlab so much you have no idea i want wonderlab back so bad