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kazumist · 6 months ago

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WHY DON'T WE FALL IN LOVE TONIGHT ?

✩ — in which you found yourself executing a ruse with the known duke of meropide, wriothesley. what could possibly go wrong? (many things, apparently.)

✩ — prompt: panache — you agree to a fake courtship with another. (for @xianyoon's "a night to remember" event (event two hehehe))

✩ — includes: wriothesley x f!reader. royalty!au. fluff, angst if you squint, hurt/comfort if you also squint, comedy squeezed in just a teensy bit. cw: alcohol consumption (reader ends up taking a shot or two) one crazy scene in the garden but it's nothing too explicit i swear they just get a little carried away OOPS. wc: 8001 yes you read that fucking right (i went insane). fake dating trope went a bit overboard my bad (heavily based by bridgerton season 1 minus the explicit scenes LMAO). one pride and prejudice and meme reference line sneaked in (if u get my reference then ilysm i need to kiss u). other fontaine characters make a cameo yipee!! full fic of this silly post i made back then but i changed things up. kinda

✩ — please reblog !! it wld help me tons :,)

love at first sight was a frivolous belief for a man like wriothesley.

romance, in general, was a frivolous belief for him in the first place. as much as his father pushes him into the marriage market for all of the women in the kingdom of fontaine, he would always find his way out of it. but he does admit—the nagging could get quite... overbearing sometimes. romance almost never crosses wriothesley’s mind. he shuns every vigorous mother that presents their daughter towards him in hopes that he’ll take an interest in them (which he never does; wriothesley believes that marriage is too big of a responsibility for him).

a ball is never uncommon in society at this age. and certainly it isn’t uncommon for his father to urge him to grace these balls with his presence on behalf of his former duke of a father. and tonight wasn’t so different from the other balls he previously attended. wriothesley holds back the urge to roll his eyes after he excuses himself (for the nth time, he thinks) from another mother who tried to offer her daughter up for his hand in marriage. it was exhausting, to say the least. wriothesley wants nothing more than to leave at the moment. however, to his dismay, the ball had just begun not too long ago.

it’s another long night for him.

sharing some conversations with queen furina’s royal advisor, neuvillette, wasn’t a bad way to pass the time. and it certainly was effective because people were far too nervous to approach him with the queen nearby. the friendship he shared with the royal advisor wasn’t new knowledge to society. almost everyone and their mothers had heard about the tale of the current duke meropide and the queen’s royal advisor being close friends during their early days of childhood and onwards. though wriothesley sometimes admits—he surely misses his youthful days.

it’s not like he's that old now. he’s currently thriving at the young age of twenty-five! not too young, not too old either. “and just how long are you going to stand by my side tonight, wriothesley?” neuvillette asks, his eyes focused on the crowd below him. there were pairs dancing gracefully in the middle of the venue as the quintet orchestra played by the side. wriothesley doesn’t glance at him as he answers. “just a bit longer, i suppose. i could still feel their eyes boring holes into me.” he mumbles the last part, leaning closer only for neuvillette to hear, as he refers to the mothers that attempted to make their advances on him earlier. neuvillette simply chuckles at his remark.

“still refusing marriage, i see?” he replies.

“i’m confident that you’re well aware of what my answer to that is going to be, neuvillette.”

wriothesley feels comfortable like this. but he’s aware that he couldn’t spend all of his time by his friend’s side. soon after, wriothesley decides to take his leave after making sure his coast is clear. he then exited nearby and found himself wandering into the garden. surely, the workers at the house of hearth had done a splendid job maintaining this garden. he reminds himself to commend duke arlecchino for this if he ever gets the chance.

the wind tonight was quite cold, yet it’s nothing wriothesley couldn’t handle. he stumbles upon what seemed to be the center of the garden, surprised to see a fountain there. the moonlight shines brightly in this area—but what actually made wriothesley curious was who was sitting by the fountain? he steadily approaches, careful not to make the wrong move and sits by the fountain as well. there was still some distance between the two of you—a lot of it. it would be indecent of him to burst into a woman’s personal space. his father did not raise him to be that sort of man.

“what brings you here tonight?” he suddenly finds himself asking. it was a poor attempt at small talk, he thinks (he could do much better than that, he swears). wriothesley doesn’t even dare steal a glance at you, as much as he wanted to. you hesitated before answering him, still sinking in the fact that you suddenly have company in this garden now. “avoiding society as usual, especially the members of society who cannot give up offering their hand of marriage towards me, i suppose,” he hears you sigh. huh, how ironic. did wriothesley just bump into someone who suffers from the same problem as him?

the answer was most definitely yes.

“oh, what a coincidence—i suffer from such a predicament as well.” he chuckles bitterly in reply—too bitter for his liking. he didn’t want to suddenly ruin the mood now; the conversation had barely even started. “is that so? i’m delighted to know that i’m not alone in this boat then.” the tone of your chuckle was different from the chuckle you got from wriothesley. a comfortable silence was then enveloped over the both of you, enjoying the scenery around. he takes this as his chance to steal a glance, and he quickly takes it back. yet he finds himself glancing again.

and again

and again.

he doesn’t quite understand it himself. however, there was something about you that had this alluring effect on him of some sort. he just couldn’t tear his eyes off of you for some reason. “enjoying the view much, duke?” you asked, meeting his gaze. wriothesley then turns away suddenly, embarrassed that he was caught red handed in the act of practically ogling at you. his father did not raise him to be like this at all. he did not spend his childhood and teenage years training how to be a proper gentleman for his debut in society just to be ogling at a lady he just met at a ball. he needs to snap out of it.

“my apologies, but how could i resist putting my attention on a stunning lady like you?” he tries to play it cool. (keyword: tries.) it was a strategy that he learned to adapt every since he made his debut into society. playing it cool always works for him—surely his old trick wouldn’t fail at him now of all times, right? but wriothesley soon snapped out of his thoughts, and he then asked another question. “wait, you know who i am?”

you were taken aback by his words. is he seriously asking you that? “who wouldn’t know you? you’re quite famous with the other ladies.” you asked him back. he simply replies with a short “fair point.” and silence takes over once again. but this time, it was a bit awkward. you decided to introduce yourself to him, stating your name and title. he nods in acknowledgement of your introduction. he has heard of you before, of course. your family has quite a reputation in society, making you get quite a bit of attention at formal parties as well.

wriothesley doesn’t dare steal a glance at you again, as he has seemed to learn his lesson from what happened earlier. you, on the other hand, took this as your chance to take your leave. “although your company has been quite interesting, duke meropide, i’m afraid that i must take my leave first. i seem to have forgotten that i excused myself from lord jackson earlier.” you got up from your seat, already walking away from the fountain—that is, until wriothesley speaks.

“lord jackson? you mean the lord jackson who’s known for his… awful history in relationships?”

“i don’t believe there’s any other lord jackson in this society, duke meropide.” you turn around to face him.

“what business do you have with him?” why am i even asking? he thinks.

“he’s simply another one of the men who my mother had decided to set me up with for marriage. i was told to accompany him for tonight but you see, his company isn’t really... the best.” you replied, choosing your word carefully. despite you not liking lord jackson at all, it would be informal for you to speak ill of him when he could be the man you’ll actually marry.

actually, scratch that. as if you’ll ever allow yourself to marry a man like him. lord jackson was a creep, to say the least. you were aware of the talk that goes around him. but your dear mother is still kept in the dark about these stories, and she decided to set you up with him without your prior knowledge. so by technicality, you really had no choice. “you can’t marry him.” the man in front of you suddenly says.

“i beg your pardon?” you asked, afraid that you misheard him the first time. “you... you can’t marry him.” he repeats and then he continues. “i mean, surely you have heard the news about him—his temper makes him vicious. your marriage with him wouldn’t prosper at all.” you held back the urge to scoff at him. “i appreciate your concern, my duke, but our society works in an unfair way at this age. i cannot just declare that i do not wish to marry, unlike you. that is a privilege that i cannot simply afford.” you shot back at him.

wriothesley suddenly feels like a light bulb in his head has switched on.

“we could pretend to form an attachment.” he then says. you were getting more baffled by the second this conversation held on longer. “whatever do you mean?” you weren’t stupid. but you refused to believe that what he’s hinting at is also the one you foolishly thought. “with you in my arm, people would think that i have finally found my duchess. as for you, your mother would raise her standards and find more suitable candidates for your hand in marriage. because although i could be wrong, but have you ever told your mother what traits you find in a man?” he replies, a small smile slowly tugging on his lips. he clearly enjoys this idea.

“i… i suppose not.” he got you there. “but this is an absurd idea.” you protested.

“i find it quite brilliant, if i do say so myself.”

“you do know the risks of what you’re proposing right now, am i correct?”

“i do. but you do not wish to marry me, and i do not wish to marry you, so whatever should you have to lose?” he’s insisting. he’s insisting like this plan would work perfectly fine for the both of your benefits (well, if you were to be completely honest, there is a chance for it to be successful. but you grew up to believe that you shouldn’t expect for things to go so smoothly in your life). “i…” a lost of words. that’s what you are. too many possibilities are running through your head at the moment.

however, the duke did have one hell of a good point.

“fine. you got yourself a deal.”

and that’s how you got roped into the situation you have now. with an arm interlocked with the duke meropide’s, all eyes were bound to set upon you both. wriothesley could see the amusement in neuvillette’s expression; the same goes for the hint of amusement in queen furina’s eyes as she spots them in the crowd. wriothesley slowly guides you towards the dance floor, just in time for another dance to begin. gracefully, you took his hand as you step onto the dance floor with him. a familiar song started to play, one that you remember memorizing as dance class was mandatory for being a debutante in society.

“are you bothered?” he then asks in a whisper as he twirls you around. “whatever for?” you ask him back. “the staring. i could feel all of them looking at us right now, honestly,” he chuckles lowly. “hm, i’m trying not to mind it that much. but i suppose you’re probably enjoying all of this attention now, aren’t you?” a simple tease on your part, and wriothesley smiled at that. “my, are we on casual terms now?”

“chemistry should be a major factor that we should have in this plan, yes? so we might as well start by being more casual with one another.”

“indeed. glad to know that you’re quick to pick up on things.” he says. “of course i am. what do you take me for, duke meropide?” you asked him, a slight pout forming on your lips. and wriothesley smiled at that again before replying. “nothing offensive, that i can assure you.”

“i’m delighted to know that the ever-so-famous duke of meropide doesn’t harbor any sour feelings towards me then.”

it was a bit suffocating, all of the staring. yet at the same time, you understood why they’re staring in the first place. wriothesley, the current duke of meropide, is suddenly on the dance floor with a young woman. and he seems to be quite interested in her as well. people would assume you’re the reason why the duke has rejected so many marriage offers up until now—because he already had you in the first place.

the other unwanted attention you’d get from that assumption alone was enough to make you distracted to the point where you almost stepped on wriothesley’s foot. “i—my apologies, duke.” you stammered. “it’s alright. just look at me,” he says. you scrunched your eyebrows at him in confusion. “pardon?”

“just look at me; don’t focus on anyone else. it will help ease your mind.”

with hesitance, you followed what he said and locked your eyes with his. the duke’s eyes were a fine shade of grey. a unique color, if you do say so yourself. and surely he was correct. shifting your focus and thoughts to him did ease you from all of the other eyes that are locked onto both of your figures that’s moving along with the music.

time felt like it had stopped, as it also felt like you were the only ones present in the room.

to wriothesley’s surprise, the night passed by faster when he was with you. because before he knew it, he was already accompanying you back to your carriage. a lot of things had happened in the span of just a few hours. but wriothesley does not regret a single second of it, now that he recalls everything again. he wonders why—was it because he encountered you in the garden tonight?

maybe. that’s where it all started anyway.

he quickly snapped out of his trail of thoughts as he heard you speak. “i suppose i’ll see you soon then?” you asked him. “mhm, i suppose so. safe travels, m’lady.” he bids you his farewell by gently grabbing ahold of your hand and pressing a soft kiss onto your knuckle, refusing to break his eye contact with you as the footman closed your carriage’s door.

“safe travels as well, my duke.”

— — — — — — — —

word spread fast about you and the duke of meropide. your mother was shocked at the news—yet happy that you finally became “independent on finding your match” as per her words. you had no specific agenda for the day, so, as you usually do whenever you are free, you decided to visit the modiste—where your good friend chiori resides.

the sound of the bell chiming as the door opened made chiori perk up to see who would possibly need help making a new dress. but when her eyes met yours, she just knew you weren’t here to ask for a new dress. “i heard about the commotion last night.” she says, setting down a cup of tea for you as she takes a sip from her own cup, waiting for your response. “commotion is a vulgar term for it, chiori. i prefer to call it a memorable event.”

“i suppose it’s memorable for you to enter with your arm wrapped around the duke meropide just like that. how did it even happen? i vividly recall you telling me that you had no intention of marriage.”

“it’s… a long story,” you sighed, taking a sip from your own cup of tea. “oh? are you implying that there’s more to this than meets the eye, then?”

“i guess you could say that.”

“well, then tell me all about it.”

“i… i can't. my apologies, chiori.” it's not like you didn't trust her. in fact, there are more secrets that are held within this fine modiste’s place than one could ever imagine. but it was a silent and automatic agreement between you and the duke that no one must know of your plan. (although you already hinted to chiori that there's more to it than meets the eye.) besides, chiori is a smart woman who has known you before she could even have her place built.

she doesn't need to be a genius to find out that there's something up. she'll pick up on it sooner or later.

“it's alright. there’s no need to feel pressure to tell me now, but do promise me one thing: you're not doing anything against the law, right?”

you couldn't help but burst out in laughter at her question. “chiori! do you take me as a criminal? of course, i’m not!” you replied, laughing in a fit of giggles in between your words. “thank goodness. well, how was i supposed to know? you almost never stop by so we rarely have the chance to catch up. every bit of news i hear from you is usually from the other ladies who sometimes talk about you.”

“don’t worry, my friend. i’ll stop by more often from now on, but seriously, are you still eavesdropping on your customers? i thought we were past that.”

“it isn't my fault some of them whisper way too loudly for my liking,” chiori scoffs.

as you two have a few more conversations, it is about time for you to take your leave, as the time has reached for the hour when chiori would usually have customers. “it was truly a pleasure to catch up with you, chiori.” you said as she escorted you to the door. “a pleasure indeed. do drop by more often, alright? it can get quite lonely here, you know.” a giggle leaves your lips at her response. “will do. i believe i might need a new dress soon for the upcoming firestone ball?” you say and you notice how chiori’s had some sort of sparkle at your mention of needing a new dress. she had always loved making dresses for you.

“is that so? i promise to suggest some designs that you might like once you return.”

— — — — — — — —

the fountain of lucine was a famous spot for a walk in the park type of day. every day, you’d see different individuals make their wish upon the fountain. whether that is a prosperous marriage, being blessed with a beloved child, or even gaining wealth, everyone wishes for all sorts of desires towards the fountain. but you never found yourself doing the same. it’s most probably because you've already been content with your life up until now. you never had any struggles when it came to growing up.

but again, that is up until now.

you took a step further towards the fountain, silently stating your wish and threw the coin into the fountain’s small pool of water. “penny for your wish?” you heard someone say beside you. quickly turning your head to the direction of the voice, you were surprised to see the duke there. “duke meropide! i—i didn’t expect that you were going to be here today.”

“i decided to go out for a stroll; the weather is quite nice today, is it not?”

“ah, yes, i suppose it is,” you replied, looking around. the weather was indeed nice today. perfect for a quick stroll around the area. “would you mind taking a stroll with me today? it would be a shame to waste this fine weather talking in the same spot.” he says, offering his arm for you to take. “i’d be delighted to.” your arm gets hooked on his.

“how are you faring lately? it has been quite a while since our last meeting,” wriothesley starts. he personally prefers his attempt at small talk today to his attempt at small talk the night he met you. it has been a few days since the ball held by the house of hearth. and within those few days, you haven’t spoken to the duke since. though, your house suddenly has suitors calling for you during your calling hour. all hopeful to gain your interest in them instead of the duke.

(however, you all shut them down politely. you found yourself repeating your apologies to the lords that have called upon you during those times.)

“i’ve been well. certainly, the stunt that we pulled during the ball held in the house of hearth did not go unnoticed. my social energy has been drained because of the suitors who called me.” a sigh leaves your lips. “oh? i apologize for that then. i hope that your social energy isn't at it’s lowest right now,” he chuckles. you gave him a playful glare at his remark. “are you making fun of my previous predicament, duke?”

“oh, heavens no. my apologies, did that offend you?” he says, holding back a smile at his words. he was definitely not apologetic. “you’re not that sorry for it, aren’t you?”

“perchance.”

“you cannot just say perchance!”

a laugh erupts from wriothesley at your response. it was the first time you heard him laugh like that. and in the public eye, you two would seem like a joyful couple spending some quality time walking around the fountain of lucine as a pastime. well, that was technically the goal. to show the public that you and the duke of meropide are madly in love with one another. what could possibly go wrong?

— — — — — — — —

by the time the firestone ball had taken place (which is nearly just a week after the ball from the house of hearth), you and the duke were on the dance floor once again.

“i believe we have yet to discuss our other terms and agreement for our plan, your grace.” you said, following his lead in the waltz. “ah, you’re right. well then, why don’t you start? ladies first.” he says. “i was hoping that you’d have some ideas on what terms we should have; after all, this was your idea, if i may remind you.”

you continue speaking as wriothesley continues to lead you through the dance. “i am starting to be convinced that this will be more than just a simple game of pretend just so we could fool the members of society, or my mother, or the women you have wanted to get away from every time you step foot in public. a life is at stake here, your grace, my life, and i just simply cannot have this go wrong. so if you are not in agreement with that, then you should tell me now.” the duke never broke his eye contact with you as you spoke.

“i shall agree… on one condition.”

“your grace, i believe that you do not understa—”

“you must call me wriothesley.”

there’s only one word to describe you at the moment: speechless. and wriothesley takes your silence as a chance to continue his words. “if we are truly to be courting, and if we are truly to prove that this is a match like no other, then you should call me by my name. after all, weren’t you the one who suggested that we should be more... casual with one another?”

he was right, and he had yet again another one hell of a good point. you mentally sighed, “very well then… wriothesley.” a laugh dares to escape your throat but this does not go unnoticed by the man who has his hand held in his at the moment. “is there something funny about my name?” he asks you, raising an eyebrow at your reaction. “no, no. it is a perfectly fine name. it is also quite unique, if i may add.” you replied, calming yourself down. laughing loudly while you’re in the middle of the dance floor would raise questions, after all.

“oh, perfectly fine? very well then… (name).” wriothesley’s voice seemed to have lowered itself an octave lower as he said your name with a slight rasp. your eyes looked away from his as you shifted your gaze to his collar instead. both of you went silent, yet you were still moving to the rhythm of the music.

wriothesley’s hand, that was supposedly at your waist, trailed upwards. just below the nape of your neck and also before your spine starts. your breath hitched at the contact of his cold finger tips there.

“i do hope that this plan will be successful.” you said, gaining your composure.

“have faith in us.”

— — — — — — — —

meetings with the duke of meropide became more frequent than you expected. whether that may be a coincidental meeting or a planned one—no one could really pinpoint it, much to their dismay.

it started off with a simple meal. then another walk. then an official invitation to accompany him to a ball or two. or three; in fact, he has invited you for a lot of them now. you haven’t thought much about the future as of late, always focusing on the present, where you’re definitely by wriothesley’s side. there was never a dull moment with the man. it was always entertaining to be with him. whenever another man (a man whose appeal is not to take interest in a sense) would approach you, wriothesley would pull some sort of stunt that’s connected to his “wild jealousy” of some sort. it’s a bit hard to hold back a laugh whenever this happens. there are times when he would talk to you about the other nobles present in the party and how he’s acquainted with them, and you’d admire the fact that he has many connections (something that a duke like him should have; he’s doing well in his duties, you’d note).

there are also times when you two will find yourselves alone, secluding yourselves from the crowd. these were, personally, your favorites. with the moonlight shining brightly upon you both once again, you’d always be reminded of the night you met. at these moments, this is when you and the duke would share… more personal things with one another. things that neither of you had expected to share with anyone else. like how he avoids marriage because of the huge responsibility that comes with it. or like how you doubt that others, especially men (minus the duke), would understand your struggles as a woman in this society.

wriothesley might have a lot of connections, but he was just the same as you. both of you kept your circle quite small (and by small, you both have only one person you truly trust to confide in). but even if you both wouldn’t admit it out loud, trust had also bloomed between the two of you.

(yet is trust the only thing that has actually bloomed?)

tonight, you found yourselves in yet another garden. “have you ever heard of why a flower wilts, wriothesley?” you decided to start this time. “hm? i suppose it’s because nothing good actually lasts long in life.”

“how… pessimistic of you to say.” you sweatdropped at his response. he chuckles yet again, you noticed that he always chuckles apologetically while looking away before he actually says his apologies. a habit of his, perhaps. “my apologies; i must repeat myself. the less a person sees of me, the happier their life is.”

“why so? i enjoy your company quite well.”

“oh? and are you sure those words aren’t forced because you’re stuck with me with this little ruse we have ongoing?” he asks back. these exchanges became frequent. one would ask a question, and the other would ask another in return. “i’m being quite honest, wriothesley. i really do enjoy your company quite well.”

“the feeling is likewise, (name).” there’s something satisfying about how your name rolls off of his tongue. he pronounces it the same as everyone else does yet how does it feel different when he says it? it’s baffling, that’s one thing for sure. “is it awful that i’m actually quite enjoying this?”

“you mean my wild jealousy?” he asks, playfully offended.

“fooling society.” you corrected. “there are some in the crowd who secretly know everything about everyone. yet we have them utterly convinced that we are mad for one another.”

“we are awfully clever then.” he says in amusement. “indeed we are.” you chuckled at his reply.

if there’s one thing you would always notice between the two of you, it would always be how you were glued to one another. like there’s some magnetic pull that automatically drags the other to their side.

this moment is no different because you could feel his knuckles grazing against yours ever so lightly. it starts with the hook of your pinkies, then slowly turns into you grabbing a hold of his other fingers. wriothesley could feel his heart beating fast at the contact. he glances at you, admiring your features underneath the moonlight once again. you glance at him as well. was he already this close to you when you started walking in this garden? because you swear your faces are inching even closer to each other. wriothesley’s other hand gently grabs your nape, guiding you as he gently pulls you in for a kiss.

his lips were soft against yours, something you didn’t expect from him. he kisses you like you were delicate (to which you were, delicate to him, at least), eyes closing themselves as he enjoys the sensation of your lips against his. you kiss him back in the same way, not really knowing what to do next—but you kiss him back. that’s all that matters. his lips leave yours as wriothesley latches his lips onto your neck, continuing the light kisses against it.

you let out a gasp at the contact as you lean your head back so you can give him more access. he intertwined his other hand with yours; it was quite scandalous. having a moment like this on someone else’s property. you extracted him from your neck, pulling him in for another kiss. this time it was a bit more rough—desperate, even.

well, that was until he pulled away from you abruptly. you looked at him in a daze yet you were confused. “we must return; we’ve been out long enough,” he says, letting go of your hand in the process as he fixes himself. he tries to catch his breath, processing what has just happened. did he really just kiss you? he supposes (or, in other terms, hopes) that it’s normal. ultimately, this should’ve been part of your agreement in the first place, right?

“i… you’re right. my mother could be looking for me any moment now.” what could possibly go wrong, you ask? well, apparently, many things could go wrong.

but if there’s one thing that got stitched into your mind tonight, it’s only one thing:

the duke of meropide is one good kisser.

however, what will become of your relationship now?

— — — — — — — —

you found yourself going to chiori again. the familiar sound of the bell chiming against the door notified chiori of someone entering her place. and once she saw you, she could just feel the distress radiating off of your body.

“what happened this time? i haven’t heard any good news about you two from last night’s party.” she says, pouring you a cup of tea. “good news? more like insane occurrences,” you sighed, watching the tea leave the teapot as it transfers onto your teacup. “ insane occurrences? what happened to ‘memorable event’?” she asked, confused with your choice of words.

you let out another sigh, finally revealing everything to chiori. luckily, today was her day off. with another ball just held last night, she would get at least a day or two of good rest before she opens up again. chiori takes in every detail of your story well, surprised that this is what you’ve been up to.

as soon as you were done talking, you decided to take a sip of your tea. “so you’re worried that you almost slept with the duke of meropide?” chiori states. and you choked on your drink once you heard her. “you didn’t have to word it like that! have some decency!” you exclaimed, embarrassment surging through you.

“i don’t get it, though. what are you so worried about? it’s almost as if… wait.” she pauses.

“it’s almost as if what, chiori?”

“do you love him?”

“huh? love who?”

“don’t play dumb with me, (name). do you or do you not love the duke of meropide?”

this time, it was your turn to pause. do you? well, certainly, he is nice company. and he treats you well despite neither of you having the wish to marry each other. he is also a good kisser (something that you don’t really feel like counting but it’s still a fact). recalling everything that has happened now, the only things that come into mind are the things you’ve noticed about wriothesley. how his eyes are the most remarkable shade of grey, his scar below his right eye. the feeling of the callouses on his hands as you held them on the dance floor.

it can’t be. there’s just no way. he’s a duke of all people—he’s out of your league in so many ways. he’s too far for you to reach. and besides, this is all just a game of pretend, is it not? surely that kiss would’ve meant nothing to him.

fuck.

“i do.” you replied to her in a whisper

“i’m glad that you’re not dense.” chiori says, flicking your forehead. you yelped in pain at the contact.

yes, you do love the duke of meropide.

and you stand by that.

meanwhile, on the other side of the coin, wriothesley had a crisis himself. “you’re quite lucky today, to ask for my presence while queen furina is occupied with duke arlecchino with her. so what assistance can i offer for you today, wriothesley?” neuvillette states, pulling his chair so he could take a seat before the man in front of him. wriothesley leans back on his seat, an elbow propped on top of the chair’s arm rest as his index finger is rested upon his lips.

wriothesley sighs. before spilling everything to neuvillette. his friend’s expression grew more amused as he continued on with the story, finding every detail unexpected for a man like his friend. “i see. so that’s how it is. well, let me ask you a simple question then, my friend.”

“shoot.”

“do you love her?”

wriothesley pauses. neuvillette’s questions echo repeatedly in his mind. do i love her? he then asks himself. he was not stupid. wriothesley did not need to become some sort of genius to find the answer to that question—because the answer is no. he doesn’t love you. yes, he has grown to trust you with things he would never even dare tell anyone else. but he’s scared. wriothesley is scared because he has never thought of commitment in this way before. romance was just a frivolous belief to him, after all. so surely, this would all just mean nothing.

he ponders about it for a few more moments. he’s too scarred—too damaged—to be loved by someone like you. he feels undeserving of it. he knows there’s another man out there who could be the man you want to be. someone who will make you happier than he does. someone who is willing to commit himself to you. someone who could love you with nothing holding him back.

“i don’t.” wriothesley firmly says.

no, wriothesley cannot be in love with you.

(neuvillette gives his friend a sigh as his friend takes his leave. he returns back to the room where queen furina is currently spending time with duke arlecchino. the duke had a habit of bringing the queen sweets from their travels abroad. the queen has excitement written all over her eyes as she makes eye contact with the pastries set in front of her.)

— — — — — — — —

it wasn’t hard to put two and two together to realize that wriothesley has been avoiding you.

it has been a few months since you decided to start your ruse. although he still accompanies you, once it’s quite crowded, he will deliberately avoid your presence like a plague, and you have no idea why. you first thought that may be he was just feeling unwell but it has occurred more frequent now and it just stings, really. it stings because you thought that you two had formed quite the bond over the past few months.

“wriothesley, is something wrong? you know you could always talk to me, right?” you asked him, finally cornering him as he had successfully avoided you for the past two hours ever since the party started. “it’s nothing of your concern,” was all he said before leaving you again. but that answer wasn’t enough—hell, it wasn’t even a proper answer for you. so you decided to follow him.

“where are you going?” you asked him. speeding your pace up to catch up to him. wriothesley doesn’t answer and just continues on walking. he ends up going into a secluded room, not even bothering to close the door. you followed him in and shut the door behind you as you faced him. he had his back facing you as you heard him take a deep breath. “wriothesley, what’s wrong? and don’t even dare say that it’s none of my concern because it is.”

wriothesley could feel himself going mad. he can’t do this tonight. what even caused him to behave this way?

ah, he remembers. it was that unbearable sight of you interacting with marquess lyney. he should’ve been happy that you finally seem interested in someone else because all you two have to do now is plan how you should end things. but that thought made wriothesley realize two things. one, he cannot bear the sight of you with another man (but why? it’s not like you’re actually his in the first place). and two, he doesn’t want things to end between the both of you. whether it's a ruse that feels too real for his own liking or whatnot, he doesn’t want to lose you in his life.

he loosens the buttons on his top so that he can breathe more properly. you got closer to him, but only if you knew that was a dangerous move on your part. you grabbed his arm in hopes of getting a view of wriothesley’s expression at the moment.

he then faces you, his eyes searching for something in yours but you just can’t find out what. it was silent; neither of you dared to speak a word. and wriothesley finds himself pulling you for a kiss. it was a bit rough how his lips crashed against yours. he then pulls away, his eyes widening at what he just did. “i… my most sincere apologies.”

and he leaves. just like that.

the familiar door to the modiste is presented at you as you knocked. it was late at night. the party you attended earlier with wriothesley was long over. but you knew your dear friend would still be up even at this late hour.

“(name)? what brings you here at this hour?” chiori asks, opening the door wider so you could enter.

“i need a goddamn drink.” you said.

— — — — — — — —

“so you’re telling me that he just… kissed you again, and then he left the party? just like that?” chiori repeats. you take another shot of the alcohol chiori provided for the both of you. “hey, calm down. this one is actually pretty strong, you idiot.” chiori warns you.

you lean back, slamming the shot glass against the table. “just like that, chiori. like what is wrong with him? is he perhaps sick in the head?”

“i honestly don’t know if i should be at least grateful that he apologized.” she says, taking a shot as well. you glare at her remark and she raises her hands in return. you sighed this time, “are men always this… complicated?”

“hm, i don’t think so. maybe it’s just the duke.”

“you’re not helping!”

“you never said you wanted help in the first place.”

— — — — — — — —

seven days.

seven days since you last spoke to wriothesley. seven days since you last heard of him. it has been seven days yet he hasn’t made any attempts to contact you since.

just what was up with him? he was fine before. did you do something wrong? did you accidentally say something that was offensive to him? everything has changed now. wriothesley is treating you like he treated you before he actually met you—cold.

your mother has decided to throw a ball this time—something about her not wanting to fall behind the other mothers. you complied, having to accept that society is nothing but competition against one another. and on the day of the ball, you found yourself lonely. if only chiori wasn’t busy with her other orders, then maybe this night would’ve been more entertaining.

wriothesley has yet to make his appearance (or perhaps he is already here yet he has decided to avoid you again). but you have decided on one thing tonight: you will talk things out with that stubborn man no matter what it takes. because you cannot just bear to stand idly by when wriothesley could be struggling alone. you once heard from your mother that love makes you do the craziest things and tonight was the night you realized that she was right. but isn’t it worth it if it’s all in the name of love?

the outdoor area of your home was also used for the ball, and decorations are displayed here and there to make the area look more eyecatching. to your family’s dismay, it has begun to rain. making all of the guests head inside to continue the festivities. but as you made your way to follow the crowd, you spotted someone too familiar—it was the man you’ve been looking for all evening, wriothesley.

looking around his surroundings, wriothesley spots you getting drenched in the rain. his eyes widen as he quickly makes his way towards you, removing his coat to drape it over you instead. “are you insane? you’re getting drenched!” he exclaims in worry. you scoff in return, pushing yourself away from his coat and allowing yourself to get wet by the rain.

“am i insane? i should be the one asking you that!” you said, glaring at him. “how… how could you? do you know how worried i have been because of you? you avoided me, then kissed me, then avoided me even more! i had no idea if you were okay because you didn’t even dare speak with me while i was here stuck waiting for you. why? because i didn’t want to pressure you into telling me what’s wrong!”

wriothesley is at a loss for words at your outburst. he just stares at you in return, guilt written all over him. he deserved your anger. but he didn’t mean for things to go this far, yet he also didn’t know how to handle things. you continued speaking, “wriothesley, i have no idea what’s clouding over your heart but i do know one thing: you musn’t keep it to yourself.”

“(name)...” he softly says—hesitantly, even. like he’s scared to even say your name in the first place. you take a step forward, both of your hands reaching out to hold his face. your touch was gentle on his skin, making sure you weren't making him uncomfortable. “tell me what’s wrong, wriothesley. i’ll listen.”

and tell you, he does. he voice shakes at first yet he begins to steady it as he unravels to you everything that has been bothering him up until now. his jealousy, his inner turmoil, and his insecurities. and you listen to him, understanding every word that escapes his lips as your hand never leaves his face, your fingers gently brushing over his scar below his right eye. and once he’s finished, you choose your next words carefully.

“there’s something that i realized in life that i believe you should know. just because something is not perfect does not make it any less worthy of love. you made yourself believe otherwise. you made yourself believe that you had to be without fault just so you could be loved but you’re wrong, wriothesley. should you need any proof of the matter, then look just here.” you weakly laugh at the last sentence, and wriothesley just stares at you. you couldn’t find out what’s going on in his head but you know that he’s listening.

your voice shakes as you continue. “i am tired of this sick game of pretending. i am tired of pretending—of acting as if i do not love you, because i do. i love you more than you could ever imagine. every scar, every flaw, every imperfection—i love all of you. you may think you’re too damaged or too scarred to allow yourself of happiness but you can choose differently, wriothesley. you can choose to love me as much as i love you. that should not be up to anyone else—that cannot be up to anyone else.”

“it can only be up to you.”

he was still silent as you slowly let go of his face but wriothesley was quick to catch them. he grabs ahold of your hands, and with his slight shaking, he takes a deep breath. he realizes something when you profess your love for him. he puts two things together: commitment and you. and the conclusion he draws from that is that he doesn’t mind commitment, as long as he’s committing himself to you. that’s how much of an impact you have on him. yes, he’s scared. and yes, this might not go like he hopes it will. but that doesn’t matter to him because he knows it will all be worth it for you. wriothesley is a coward when it comes to love and the like—that, he admits. but he isn’t allowing himself to be a coward for the rest of his life. why deprive himself of the serene type of happiness that he could only achieve when he has you by his side?

he kept his eyes on the hands he’s holding now as he began to speak. “i.. i do not wish to be alone. i know that now. but what i do not know is how to be the man you wish for me to be—the man you truly deserve. i do not know how to do any of this, but i do know another thing: i love you too. i love you. most ardently.” he then meets your eyes as he notices one thing in them. love.

“you stay. you stay and we’ll get through this. together. that’s where we’ll start. we have all the time in the world.”

“may i… kiss you?” he hesitates to ask. but you give him a nod of approval before you’re met with the familiar pleasure of his lips on yours. he relishes every second of the kiss, taking this as a chance to ground himself into reality—refusing to believe that this is some sick dream that his mind decided to play in his head. a hand slithers its way to the nape of his neck and wriothesley groans at the feeling as his hand grabs your waist tighter. wriothesley thanked his lucky stars for the night he met you because this wouldn’t be possible if it weren’t for them.

love at first sight was a frivolous belief for a man like wriothesley.

but he knew otherwise the moment he laid his eyes upon you that night in the garden.

#( writings )#astronetwrk #genshin x reader #genshin impact x reader #genshin impact #genshin imagines #wriothesley x reader #wriothesley #x reader

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aloesarchives · 1 year ago

Text

JJK Headcanon: Megumi cockblocks Toji/Megumi "Menace" Fushiguro/ Toji having beef with his 15 yr old son

Warning: Swearing, Female reader, Mentions of sexual activities but not explicit, ooc on Megumi’s part, Toji being Toji

Series: Jujutsu Kaisen

Pairing: Toji x Fem!Reader(romantic), Megumi x Mom!reader(parental/platonic)

Pronouns: She/Her(Reader is referred to as mom, mama, and mother by Toji and Megumi)

Word Count: 2.2K

(A/N: This is based on my one-shot I did and I wanted to expand on it because I just felt the need to. This headcanon went off the rails and is in different directions. Let me know if I missed any warnings!)

[Edited and Proofread! on 12/9/23 8:05pm. Forgive the strange format, Tumblr wouldn’t let me edit the post so I had to do it on the original doc and paste the edited version.]

Please enjoy!

So Megumi cock blocking Toji started out unintentionally and by accident. But as he got older, he did it more to annoy his dad and get on his nerves.

I will die on this hill but Megumi is a Mama's boy. Though it goes unsaid(by him at least), everyone knows it. Toji knows it, Gojo knows it, his classmates and friends know it, and everyone at Jujutsu High knows it. Hell, his own shadows know it.

Obviously you know it but you don’t want to embarrass your son. But it does fill you with love and contentment to know your son loves you dearly.

But that’s the problem, he LOVES you. Loves you more than Toji. Well, Megumi loves Toji as a dad and father. It’s just as he gets older, especially as a teenager, he often butts heads with Toji and gets fairly annoyed by his presence. All Toji has to do is breathe in Megumi’s direction and your son groans, rolls his eyes, and leaves.

When Megumi was younger, he was attached to you. You were always carrying him inside the house, when you were cooking, and even when folding the laundry. He didn’t like being far from you. All you had to do was be within 6 feet of your son or where he can see you and he will be fine.

So when Toji holds Megumi because you need to get or do something where you can’t bring your son, Megumi is all fussy and cranky. He doesn’t cry often but he is just all over Toji. Pulling at his hair, shirt, and cheek. Toji has been mostly successful with Megumi when putting him down for a nap, feeding or bathing him but sometimes it’s a struggle.

When you do it for Megumi, he is all cooperative and easy to handle. Toji clicks his tongue when he sees it happen and looks at Megumi as your son nuzzles into your shoulder. “I see how it is Megumi. All nice and easy for Mama but not for me.”

After successfully putting Megumi to bed, Toji gets frisky as wants some alone time with you. Since Megumi was born, your son has taken up most of your time. Leaving your poor husband with a lack of attention and affection. You want to make it up to him for lost time so you let him have his way with you.

However, just before Toji could go down on you and make you see stars, you hear Megumi’s crying. So out of instinct, you grab one of Toji’s shirts and make your way to comfort your son. Half the time, the mood gets instantly lost and Toji gets sexually frustrated. He was so close to boning you and your son just has to stop him from doing so.

Toji gets blue balls so many times during Megumi’s youth, it’s a straight-up crime to him.

There are times when Toji doesn’t care if Megumi starts to cry in his bed. He read somewhere that babies just cry for no reason so at times let them cry it out. When he reads that, he’s not letting you out of his grasp when his son is crying in his crib. You feel the urge to comfort him but when Toji makes you wait a couple minutes and start to hear Megumi’s cries grow quieter, then they stop. That gives you two the green light to each other to yourselves.

75% Toji would have success with you but there was the other 25% he didn’t.

When Megumi was a toddler, he mostly would knock on your door in the dead of night either because he had a nightmare or wanted to sleep with you two. Luckily, this happens after your “nightly session” with Toji.

But Megumi would ask Toji to help him with stuff or pop up out of nowhere when wanted to have a piece of you. Toji hugging your front and cups your body while you cook? Megumi is by the kitchen table asking what are you making for dinner. Toji cages you against the wall as you put away the laundry? Megumi pops his head out of his room and asks Toji if he saw his dog plushie that was on his bed.

But Megumi’s clinginess to you is genetic because Toji is the exact same to you. Way before Megumi was on the drawing board, Toji was either all over you or near you. No in between, it was one or the other.

You felt bad because it feels like your son and your husband are fighting for your attention. You know Megumi’s a child, who needs more guidance and help, but you know your husband has needs too.

But as Megumi goes to school, it was easier for you two to have some alone time. Mostly easier for Toji to be inside of you.

But as Megumi gets the hang of summoning his shadows, it’s all over for Toji. This happens when he’s older as Megumi sometimes lets his dogs out and roam around the house. Like their user, the dogs and shadows love you too. One time, they saw Toji being too close to you and thought he was harassing you. So the dogs ran and pounced on Toji. One of them caught Toji’s wrists in their mouth and started pulling him away from you. Obviously, you called Megumi over to stop his dogs or to call them back. He does so but not without giving Toji a smirk, he definitely may or may not put his dogs up to it just to fuck around with his dad.

For the timely and observant boy he is, Megumi really is just popping in at the wrong times. He didn’t mean to do that to you, he’s well aware of how much you love Toji, both body and soul. He just doesn’t like how Toji isn’t quick and sleek with his intentions with you. Sure, it was Toji’s house and he can do whatever he wants in it. But Megumi also lives here too, so Toji should be more cautious and considerate of his son. Because everyone knows that they would rather bury themselves than see their parents try to give them another sibling.

Though Megumi now dorms at Jujutsu High because of missions, he does come home on weekends and breaks. But it varies from time to time, he would mostly tell you in advance when he would come home or visit. But he sometimes forgets and just drops by unannounced.

Thus, that’s how scenarios like this occur.

He will come home, sometimes knocking/ringing the doorbell but mostly lets himself in, then he walks inside, takes off his shoes, and goes to the living room. His heart slightly beats faster as he awaits the inevitable. It’s like a coin toss, 50/50 chance he’ll be safe or not. He relaxes when he doesn't stumble upon another eye bleaching but when he encounters the other 50%. He cringes inside so hard, he just blames Toji. Nah, he never blames you.

Yes, he’s well aware of men and women having… carnal desires… But you were never shameless about it in public or out in the open. He doesn’t know when it’s just Toji and you. But frankly, he DOES NOT WANT to know or find out. So he believes his father is just a dog in heat almost every time there is an OUNCE of spare time with you.

He either coughs, grunts or speaks to make his presence known. 99% of the time when this happens you are the one to push yourself away from Toji and try to make the situation less awkward for your son. It always ends up embarrassing you in the end.

Toji, in his head, lowkey wants to smack his son to another dimension. Way too salty in his mind.

‘Brat, let me have a moment with your mother, it’s not that hard.’ ‘IDGAF if you're my son, I’ll smack and give hands to my own son if you keep doing this.’

Like father like son, Megumi is doing the same thing in his head.

‘That’s a skill issue’ ‘This is an issue, not an iss-me’ ‘You fell off, what happened? Cause you’re too old?’ ‘Fucking cope, Old Man’.

Because of this, Toji literally has beef with his 15-year-old son.

Should he be pressed about someone younger than him? No! Does he care? Also No. If this man can beef and fight Gojo Satoru and LIVE to see another day, he can have beef with anyone.

Even if it’s his own son.

You should be a good parent and spouse and try to dissipate the fact your husband and son have an unspoken feud with each other. But you can’t help but watch everything unfold when they interact sometimes because it’s just funny and you get a kick out of it.

Just to clarify, it’s never a shouting match or an actual argument. It’s more of petty insults, backhanded compliments, or brutal honesty minus the honesty. It’s like being a spectator at an event. You were watching for entertainment and you were getting your money’s worth. When you would come by Jujutsu High, you would talk about Megumi and Toji’s “interactions”. Saying something along the lines of “They don’t see eye to eye.”

One day, Toji and you decided to pay a visit to the campus because Principal Yagi needed to ask you about something in person. Since it was only you, Toji just wandered the halls and the school’s grounds, waiting for you to be done. As the odds were in his favor as he stumbled upon Megumi and his group doing some training. Toji just pops in and starts talking to Megumi. He acknowledged Yuuji and Nobara but he didn’t spare a glance at Gojo. In fact, he straight up looked at Gojo, gave a look of disgust, and continued talking to Megumi whilst ignoring him.

It didn’t take for some banter to rise between father and son, while no loud voices or malice was felt or seen. This was probably the few times Yuuji and Nobara had seen Megumi get heated, but this was the first time they saw Megumi beefing with his dad.

After a few minutes, Megumi summoned his shadows and Toji decided to change into his fighting stances. Yuuji thinks this is a bad idea but Gojo just smiles, saying that seeing them spar was a “learning experience”. Plus it would be good for Yuuji to watch Toji because Toji was a physical fighter considering his Heavenly Restriction. Though Yuuji has some curse energy, he must box it out with his opponents so he considered and the three watched the two fight it out.

Megumi forgot his old man was an actual threat to the Jujutsu Society because Toji was straight up dodging Megumi’s shadows, their attacks, and even Megumi's own physical attacks. Though Toji wanted to have a little fun, he had to hold back so he wouldn't destroy/kill any of Megumi’s shadows. If he did, you would definitely find out and he would be a dead man for sure.

Anyway, it was so fast-paced that only Gojo was keeping up with the action. He was smiling but he had a shiver up his spine as he remembered that Megumi’s dad was the very reason for his enlightenment and Hollow Purple ability. It was obvious that Megumi wasn’t going to win but he wasn’t one to admit defeat. Then like a blur, Toji charged at Megumi from above and when he landed he created a decently large cater with Megumi at the center. Megumi’s shadows disappear since he is low on curse energy and is completely exhausted.

Both men were heaving and sweating like crazy. Yet out of nowhere, they suddenly hear your voice, LOUD and DESTRESS. You ran over to the two, eyes widening as the carter became bigger the closer you got. You see your son lying on the floor and help him up. You tried dusting off some of the dirt on him while looking concerned. You snapped your head towards Toji, whose smirk disappeared and then returned back again. You began to reprimand him for what he had done. Fighting his own son and damaging the training grounds, like wtf man.

You weren’t really raising your voice or yelling at him. But the firmness and seriousness in your tone about the small sparring session was enough to make someone straighten their posture and use very respective language towards you. There were moments where you tugged at Toji’s ear, pulled at his shirt so he was looking straight at you, or held his forearm tightly while you expressed your disappointment and concerns to him.

Ngl, Toji was a bit bricked up when you were all serious and angry at him. He didn’t mind sleeping on the couch if it meant he got to see this side of yours more often.

Megumi reassures you that he is not physically hurt but his pride is wounded. You told him that if his dad pulled this again, to not engage with it and back off for his own safety. Megumi, because of his agitated mood, felt a bit offended that you didn’t believe your own son could hold his own. Let alone, go toe to toe with his own father.

“Mom, I don’t understand. Why don’t you trust me in fights even though I can handle myself.”

“Megumi, sweetheart, it’s not like that at all. I know you are a strong, smart, and capable person. You are my son, after all.”

“Then why don’t you want me to fight with dad?”

“Oh Megumi, honey. You have no idea the strength and capabilities of your father. You do realize, my dear, your dad was holding back a lot when he was sparring with you.”

Megumi looks shocked at his Pops, who winks at him, before turning his attention back to you.

“Wait, what? Just how strong is he, Mom?”

You didn’t give him a full answer.

All you said was, “Ask your teacher, Megumi.”

Megumi and his two classmates look at their teacher to see what you were talking about all the while Gojo was sweating bullets. That’s a story for another day, now you are dragging your husband home and telling your son to call you if anything changes.

So Toji and Megumi have eternal beef with each other. Though it’s more of annoyance and for shits and giggles really. Toji really does love his son and Megumi loves and respects his dad a lot.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Thank you for reading and hope you have an amazing day with your favorite drink!

#x reader #reader insert #x female reader #fem reader #jjk x reader #jjk toji #jjk megumi #jjk headcanons #jjk #jujustsu kaisen x reader #jujutsu kaisen #toji x reader #toji fushiguro #toji x y/n #toji x you #dad!toji #megumi fushiguro #megumi x reader #toji fushigro x reader

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impishjesters · 1 year ago

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Jax reacting to hearing his s/o saying that they would like to marry him in the future

CW(s): rude Zooble, age gap, self-deprecation, unfinished relationship talk, eavesdropping, talk of marriage, Jax note: The "age gap" has no set age gap, just heavily implies and mentions that the reader is older and has experienced more as an adult then Jax might have. But there is no age mentioned for the reader. As for the "unfinished relationship talk", it's basically the reader letting Jax process everything that was said to get his feelings and thoughts aligned. Pushing him to talk when he's conflicted usually ends up with him blowing up, so they'll sit down and revisit the discussion later. A/N: I had this mostly written up ages ago, just needed to finish and clean it up. It felt weird... coming back to TADC after so long... This is also like over 2.2k words... normally I wouldn't post something this long here but, eh why not.

“So how long do you see the two of you ‘dating’ for? You know if there is an exit and we get out of here, the two of you will probably break up.”

“Why would we break up just because we’re back outside?”

You shot Zooble a confused look who only returned it with their own confused expression. It’s hard to speak for Jax, but you had been in this for the long run, it wasn’t just some “hey let’s date to pass time while we’re trapped here”. So far Jax has yet to give you any implications that he wasn’t taking this relationship as a means of passing time.

Zooble shook off the confusion and crossed their arms. “You’re kidding me, right?”

“No, I don’t think so. I don’t get it what’s the issue?”

“The issue is that you really think the two of you are just gonna continue as if this place didn’t happen?”

The confusion only grew the more they spoke, is that how the others saw your relationship? Just the two of you using each other to pass the time? Well, that hurt.

“I do actually, I don’t know what you and the others think about the two of us but I love Jax and I’d be willing to do my part to make the relationship work. I know he doesn’t seem like it but I know Jax would too.”

You leaned in close and cupped your mouth with one hand and spoke in a quiet voice. “He’s quite a faithful guy despite his flirty demeanor.”

Zooble let out an unpleasant snort at the statement, it was hard to see Jax as someone faithful and not just using you for his own means. But what did they know?

Unbeknownst to either of you, Jax had made his way over to the two of you but instead of making himself known, he tucked himself around the corner to eavesdrop. You rarely hung out with Zooble, so of course he got curious.

“So what, you’re just gonna keep dating him for the rest of your life?” They paused and blinked a few times before letting out a dry laugh. “Don’t tell me you see yourself marrying him?”

Marry? Marry who? His brows furrowed in a mix of confusion and irritation, you weren’t cheating on him, were you? The only other guy there besides him was Kinger, and let’s just say if it wasn’t for the fact he was trying to stay hidden he would’ve burst out into laughter. That’s a hilarious image, you with Kinger of all people.

“Marrying him?” The thought never crossed your mind, you saw a long life with Jax but the idea of marriage never popped up. Would he even want that? He’d probably make a joke if you ever popped the question, or say some shit like how he doesn’t expect you guys to get out of here so it’d never happen.

Plus would you want him to give up his youth any further than he already has by being trapped here? Did he even date before you? How much of his young adult life did he get to experience compared to you? You were older than him, you’d been able to do stuff with that adulthood before coming here.

Zooble frowned seeing you lost in your head, shit they didn’t mean to upset you. They uncrossed their arms and started to reach out to apologize but you snapped out of your thoughts before they could do more.

“Do you think marriage in the circus would be acknowledged out there?”

“What?”

You rolled your eyes and gave your hand a little wave. “I mean do you think if we got married here, it would be recognized legally out there? I mean, even if it wasn’t then we could just get married again. Knowing Jax he’d probably not want anything fancy so a little stop by the courthouse to sign some papers would be fine with me. I’m sure Caine could create a perfect digital wedding, that’d save us a fortune. Do you know how expensive weddings are? And we’d get it for free!”

As you went off on your tangent you missed the look of shock on Zooble’s face, and the two of you collectively missing out on the reddening of Jax’s face the more you spoke. Zooble didn’t know what to expect after you’d gone silent, and neither had Jax—should he even be hearing this right now? You weren’t serious were you?

“You’d do that? Get married to him twice?”

A pleasant hum escaped you at the question. “If he wanted to, yeah. The topic hasn’t come up so I don’t really know what he’d think, but I’m not opposed to it. I know he’s got his quirks—”

“Is that what we’re calling it?” Zooble interrupted.

“—but I accept those for the most part and it’s what makes him, him.” You continued, ignoring their interruption.

“I’m not the type to short-term date someone, and even if it’s weird to think about I could see myself settling down with him for good. Whether that’s here or there, though I’d much prefer it be out there but I’ll take whatever I can get.”

In truth Jax had never thought about marriage, he barely thought about dating until you showed up. And even then dating wasn’t on his mind until later on. There’s a tickle of laughter in his chest at the very thought, and not the good kind of laughter, the mockery kind of laughter.

Who the hell cares about something like marriage in the circus?

“You’re serious.”

You shot Zooble another confused look laced with irritation. “Zooble I’d appreciate it if you stopped questioning my feelings. I know what I feel and I wouldn’t say it if I wasn’t serious.”

“Right, sorry.”

The two of you stood there awkwardly, Zooble shuffling in place trying to brush off your intense staring. In the process of trying to look anywhere but you they caught a glimpse of Jax hiding, the two made eye contact and Jax nervously shook his head silently hoping Zooble wouldn’t call him out.

Zooble broke eye contact first and looked at you, crossing their arms. “If the two of you do have a wedding, at least the wedding will be small. You know, assuming you invite the rest of us.”

A smile washed away the scowl at the statement. “Of course! I couldn’t think of anyone I’d want more than you guys to be there, regardless of what Jax says I want my new little digital family to be there.”

You opened your arms to offer a hug, Zooble was one of the two people that you let initiate any physical contact such as hugging. They were stiff and it felt awkward but they returned the hug, letting you give them a good squeeze before pulling back.

Zooble caught Jax silently laughing at their discomfort and shot him a glare before looking at you. “I’m gonna go, this is too much wholesome shit for me.” they paused and nodded their head towards the doorway. “Besides, looks like someone wants to talk to you.”

Jax hissed, shooting them a glare with a silent promise to dismember them later for ratting him out.

Throwing a glance over your shoulder you see Jax and momentarily worry if he heard any of that. “Oh hey.” Jax steps out from around the corner and grumbles back a greeting, eyes still locked on Zooble as they leave. “Stop that.”

He finally looked away once Zooble was gone and looked down at you, crossing his arms loosely. “Didja mean what ya said?”

“Said?” You swallow nervously. “How much did you hear?”

“Enough.” Sure it wasn’t the whole conversation but he definitely heard more than enough.

This wasn’t how you were hoping to pop the question, but at least you didn’t have an audience. “I… yeah I did. I was gonna bring up the topic at a later point but uh, now’s a good time I guess.”

“You’d really wanna marry me? Me?”

“Oh don’t sound too surprised.” Your eyes roll purely out of habit by this point. “I would, but uh..” His posture stiffens and you’re quick to continue, lest he get the wrong idea. “You’re younger than me… I don’t know what you got to experience before being stuck here. I don’t wanna feel like I’m… like I’m getting in the way of you having experiences before something like marriage.”

Jax let out a few awkward chuckles, right, he always forgot about the age gap. His worries weren’t on his experiences but more on how you seemed so casual about settling down with him of all people. You could do so much better—even if he hated to admit it, the thought of you with someone else made him upset.

“I don’t think experiences really matter—”

“They do though. If I’m the only person you’ve dated then how do you know you won’t come to tire of me or regret something as big as marriage? Isn’t there a quote that basically says most first relationships never last?”

Under normal circumstances watching you spiral would be fun, but this wasn’t fun watching you put yourself down. “Hey, since when do you believe in that junk?”

Okay, he’s got you there, you didn’t believe in that crap but still.

“I should be saying the same thing to you…” he started, ignoring the confused look you gave him. “You’ve got more experience but who’s to say you won’t get tired of me?” He let out a bitter laugh and gestured to himself. “Have ya seen me?” He’s a class-A asshole with little to no care about the other idiots trapped in here aside from you. Anyone could tell you he wasn’t husband material.

“Jax—”

“Nah, babe I’m being serious. I know those pretty lil eyes of yours see clear as day what kinda person I am. The others are sick and tired of me and want me gone, it’s only a matter of time before ya fuckin’ see I’m not whatever ya think I am.”

It hurt seeing him spiral, his voice shook despite the anger on his face, and if you looked close enough it looked like he was ready to cry any second. Before he could continue to berate himself, you grabbed the straps of his overalls and gave a firm yank bringing him to your height.

“Apologize.” Jax froze, anger and confusion clear as day. “Apologize to yourself, right now.”

“The fuck are ya talking about?”

“I said, apologize.” You repeated through gritted teeth. “Look I won’t lie and say you aren’t a handful—” Jax opened his mouth to retort but you pulled the straps of his overalls harder, not giving him the chance to interrupt. “But who isn’t a handful? Especially in a place like this, we’ve all got our baggage and you aren’t an exception.”

The scowl and anger never fell from his face as you spoke. “Out of all of us, you’re the third longest to be here—you’ve experienced so much and so little while being trapped in this shit hole. I would be surprisingly impressed if you didn’t have some sort of trauma-like response or body-eating anxiety.”

“I’m not trying to excuse your behaviour, because frankly, it can be very uncalled for in some cases—but I won’t pretend to know everything about you, or why you are the way that you are. But I’m willing to take the time and sit down, and try to understand you. We don’t have to get married now, heck we don’t have to get married ever. I am more than willing to just stay happily by your side with you.”

You finished your rant, panting, staring Jax straight in the eye as much as he tried to avoid yours. The look of anger had melted away, the scowl lessened but his brows furrowed, no doubt struggling to process your words.

“I’m not going to make you respond to that right now, because I know that was a lot and I know you’re struggling with your thoughts, feelings, and words. But we will talk about this later, okay? You will apologize to yourself.”

The grip on his clothing loosened, prompting him to slowly pull himself upright, eyes still avoiding yours. You knew him too well already, that after big or heavy topics it would take his brain what was the equivalence of three to five business days to work himself out, less he lashes out. He wanted to at least give you that level of courtesy compared to the others.

Jax nodded and you exhaled a breath of relief before gently taking his hand. “Good, now do you want me to lead you to your room so you can be alone a bit, or do you wanna go mess around? I heard Bubble was going to try and “bake” again, maybe we can mess around with him.”

Did he wanna be alone right now? Yes, there was a lot to process. But the temptation of fuckin with Bubble started to outweigh it. Eh, fuck it, he could process it later. Not every day he could fuck with Bubble.

He nodded, and without even needing a verbal answer you knew by the slow-growing smirk what option he picked.

“I would love to harass Bubble with my potentially one-day spouse.”

#tadc jax #the amazing digital circus #tadc #the amazing digital circus x reader #jax #jax x reader

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zmpl · 1 year ago

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I’m sorry for the long post but I want as many people to hear this message as possible, so I’m extending it out to tumblr.

This is my friend Meghan Lewis. She’s a 52 year old trans woman from Bel Air, Maryland. She’s a huge advocate for the LGBTQ community and has devoted her life to helping her community. She worked with houseless LGBTQ youth. She mentored me during hard times this past year, acting as an aunt figure to me. But two nights ago, on December 27th, 2023, she was murdered.

From what the news reports are saying, she ordered food to her home and the delivery man, Brian Delen, misgendered her. This started an altercation where Brian stormed back into his car, and Meghan followed him on foot. Brian then got out of his car and shot her.

What infuriates me is that he’s likely going to claim self-defense, or that this wasn’t related to Meghan’s gender. and end up getting a lighter sentence. He called 911 himself and surrendered himself to the police. Even though these are the type of posts he made on Facebook:

Meanwhile, this is what Meghan would post to her Facebook:

I’m just so angry. I’m so hurt. Meghan had a heart of gold and would open her door to anyone who needed a shoulder to cry on. She didn’t deserve this. No one does. Please keep Meghan in your thoughts, forever. Pray for justice.

#transphobia tw #transmisogyny tw #trans violence tw #death tw

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headfarintheclouds · 6 months ago

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The Deal (Iso x Reader) Chapter 1

I tried dto post that 3 times from my PC but Tumblr crashed... so I'm posting it from my phone. I hope you guys like it !

Words count : 1400k

TW: none

"Fuck this I'm done!" yelling in anger I threw the gun to the ground, if Brimstone or Sova saw me right now I would probably get a scolding of a lifetime, but they weren't here with me. Only Gekko and his crew.

"Hey, calm down Y/n ! I'm sure you get it next try." the green haired Latino raised his hands, trying to stop me from exiting the practice range. I threw a nasty glare his way, making Trash growl at me in warning. "Hey, no that's not very nice!" he quickly scolded the creature making it roll its eyes at him.

I huffed and turned my head to the target I was practicing on. A ray of bullet holes behind it, only five or four on it. If being bad at shooting was a sport, then I was the champion of it.

"I'm sorry Mateo but I've been practicing for months now. I can't seem to land a single shot. If it's gonna be like that then I might as well quit while I'm ahead." I told him with a sad smile. His brow eyes widened in surprise upon hearing me say that, before I knew it, he was standing before me with a deep frown on his youthful face.

"Hey no, don't think like that. Not everyone is good at everything, chicka. Sometime those things take time." sending me a small smile he put a hand on my shoulder and squeezed it in silent support.

"It's been six months through, what if I'm not made for this?" I looked up at my best friend, desperation clear in my voice.

"Nobody was made for this, but everyone made it work in the end. You'll get there soon enough." he nodded his head, firmly believing in his own words.

I sighed. Yeah, I was invited to Valorant by Brimstone himself, but back then none of us knew I would be an absolute shit at shooting. All he saw was a silent Radiant, with control over sounds who was amazingly good at sneaking and getting information. It was what he needed, he told me back then. But then assured me he wouldn't send me anywhere until I finished my training. Ever since then I have been on the base spending my time in the shooting range alongside Gekko and Neon, who quickly became my best friend among the Agents. Guess I got one good thing out of that whole shit show.

"I'll talk to Brimstone." I said, already making up my mind. Wingman who was standing in-between us, put his tiny limp on my leg and let out a series of sad chirps making my heart clench in pain. Gosh I was going to miss this adorable guy. Neon and Gekko too, heck even Yoru who was a pain in the ass from day one.

"Y/n please, think about this." Gekko begged, his eyes glossy from the unshed tears. I chuckled halfheartedly at my friend and put a hand over the one he still had on my shoulder.

"I have."

*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ:

After my talk with Brimstone I made my way to my room and started to pack up my things. The older man wasn't pleased with my decision and tried to persevere me to stay, heck he even involved Sage in it knowing how much respect I held for the women. But I wasn't about to drag everyone down with my poor skills. They had Omen, Sova and Cypher to gather all the information they needed.

A knock on my door stopped me in my tracks. Narrowing my brows I sighed and decided to ignore it in favor of putting my things in my duffle bag. Another knock, this time a louder and more aggressive one.

"I don't want to talk, leave me alone Gekko!" I yelled hoping it would be enough. After all who else would it be? Neon didn't know about me leaving yet, and both Sage and Brimstone respected my choices enough to leave me alone for now.

"It's not Gekko." my eyes widened in surprise upon hearing the deep voice of Iso.

The Chinese hit man quickly became my favorite person around HQ, even if we didn't spend nearly enough time together, I still found myself harboring a crush on him. What was he doing outside my door?

I walked over to it and punched in the code to open them, coming face to chest with the handsome man. My eyes widened upon seeing the intensity in his lilac-colored orbs. They seemed to be glowing.

"I heard you were leaving." he stated, no greetings or how are you's. Just straight to the point.

"I.. I am yes." stuttering I gasped when he pushed me in the room and closed the door behind him.

"Why?"

"What do you mean 'why'?" I blinked in confusion.

"Why are you leaving? Give me a one good reason." he wasn't making any sense to me. Why was he suddenly so interested in me leaving the place? We spoke maybe a total of five times during my stay here. But I had to admit, it did make my heart do summer sluts inside my ribcage. Did he care?

"I suck at shooting, that's why." I stated simply, observing his face for any kind of reaction. All I got was him clenching his jaw and mumbling something in Chinese.

"Is that all?" he asked, making me narrow my own eyes at him.

"Excuse me?"

"That is not a valid reason to leave." he said in anger, taking a step closer. I never realized how big he was until now, holy shit! And he was mad at me to! (For some reason) Was this the way I was going to die?

"What's it to you?' I challenged him with a hiss.

"You. Me. Shooting Range tomorrow at noon. I will train you personally from now on." I could myself going pale. He wanted to train me? Personally? Yes please, but also no fucking way. I wasn't about to make a fool out of myself in front of my crush.

"No way. I'm leaving first thing in the morning." shaking my head I missed the moment he got closer, until I could feel the warmth of his breath on my face. It smelled faintly of cinnamon.

"I am not asking you, I'm telling you Tián tián." he leaned his head even closer, so close in fact I could make specks of dark purple in his eyes. "Listen to me. Let's make a deal. If you stay, I will make it so you'll be one of the best shooters in the entire team. Give me three months." I blinked at the sudden change of attitude. He was very confident in what he was saying that much I could tell.

"And if I don't become the best shooter?" I whispered, too scared to speak any louder than that. He was still very close to me, so when he smirked upon hearing my Question I about fainted then and there.

"Then I will let you go."

"You will let me go? Aren't you getting ahead of yourself, big guy?"

"Let me put it this way. If at any point of the three months you'll run away, I will personally hunt you down and drag you back. Do you understand?"

Okay, what the fuck was going on right now? Where was the sweet and shy guy who stuck to the side lines and didn't interact with others? Was he swapped during one of the missions? Did he hit his head or something? I blinked up at the older male, trying to understand what was being said to me.

"Okay. But what if you win the bet? What do you want in return?" I asked, my voice curious to hear his reason.

"You'll see." he stood up straight, putting more distance between us and making my heart calm down a bit. "I'll see you tomorrow." he winked and left both my room and me in a state of ruin.

#iso x reader #Iso #valorant

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copperbadge · 1 year ago

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ADHD anon here (by the way, i'm not that young, i'm just not in a position to leave). thank you very much for your very clear, very thought out response. i will try to follow your advice, although i think, for her sake, i'll still insist on her reading up on the subject. maybe she'll do it eventually? i think it would help her if she understood more about it than just "ADHD=bad" and "nothing can be done about my problems", which seems to be her idea.

i would just like to mention that she's never, like, forgotten meals or to cook for us or anything. outwardly she's always -seemed- very organised and put together (well. screaming at the drop of a hat aside), which is why it took until now, when it got worse, for her to be diagnosed, i think.

again, thank you very much. you gave me a lot to think about, and a useful-looking resource, too.

I mean, I certainly wish you luck of trying -- for one, I genuinely hope your mother is able to see that she's harming you and put a stop to it. If I were in your place and wanted to still try and effect change, I will say I would put emphasis on finding a doctor willing to try medication and giving it a shot (look for psychiatrists who specialize in medication management and adult ADHD). It really has been a life changer for me and other late-life diagnosis people I've spoken to.

I'm glad to hear your physical needs are met; one of the things I was concerned about was that impulsivity and lack of emotional regulation can make people do very risky things with their own lives and those around them as well. It's still very wrong of her to treat you as she does, but I don't discount the value of bare-minimum physical safety.

I hope you do take to heart that this isn't your fault and that even if you can't leave, there are buffers you can put into place. (Sorry about the assumption of youth -- I did wonder if I was going a little hard on that in the response.) I sympathize with not being able to leave.

In any case, I hope the diagnosis leads to only good things for both you and her! And clearly the readership here is pulling for you, so you have people wishing for a strong outcome.

Normally I might wait or queue the response but this is context people may wish to have if commenting on the earlier post, so I thought it best to get it out there sooner rather than later.

#toxic family #sam has adhd

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topnotchquark · 1 year ago

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I am new to motogp, but what the fuck is the deal with Uccio and the rosquez drama in 2015.

My brother in Christ are u stupid? Why don't you tell Vale to put all his stamina and mental games on f.ing Lorenze, the actual threat to the 10th? You could scheme the divorce in 2016 or sth you stupid Ipad stand!

Oh my god! An opportunity to analyse Uccio! Persona non grata and public enemy number 1 on motogpblr (btw, are there any Uccio shooters on Tumblr? My inbox is a safe space, I wanna hear your side of the story).

There is no way for me to know for a fact why Uccio ended up being the first domino to fall that led to Sepang 2015 but I did look around to see if I could find a bit more about the relationship between Vale and Uccio.

These two go all the way back to the crib, literally. Uccio mentioned in an interview that Tavullia is a small town and they were only a few months apart in age so they ended up at the only day care in the town together.

Uccio has been called a bumbling fool and a freeloader and what not (look at this post openly roasting him for being Vale's Lackey) and despite my dislike of him I won't do the same (for once lol). Vale shot to stardom at a young age doing the death sport that required him to travel extensively. What better way to feel grounded than to have your childhood friend near you at all times (the fact that Vale didn't leave Tavullia for flashier places like Monaco or wtv has been reiterated in so much writing about him, and Uccio has said the same). There is definitely an element of familiarity and comfort that both Vale and Uccio seek from each other. Uccio mentioned that they would come back from a weekend of racing, put down their suitcases and immediately get on the phone with each other, which, teenage bestie-ism is such a force lol it could power cities if harnessed.

Anyway, back to racing. The consensus is that Vale didn't have the best rivals in Biaggi and Gibernau, they were inconsistent and susceptible to mind games. Vale enjoyed the initial years of his career as an untouchable, peerless talent. And then..... the winds changed direction :)

Vale was 36 in 2015, most pro athletes are considered done and dusted at that age. He had been putting his body through years of premier class motorcycle racing. Add to that how bad the Ducati years had been and just, so much life had happened. I don't want to talk about Sic's death, but that too and while racing at that. Vale had already started working on the academy (Franky was signed in 2013 afaik). Vale had moved on from the glittering, ebullient, darling of every circuit personality. Imo choosing to be a mentor and doing that well is among the most impressive things Vale has done but when you mentally cross the rubicon to accept your youth is decidedly over, it changes things. For starters, it's a real question of whether you've already chosen to hang your boots. What I'm trying to say is, a lot was at stake in 2015 for Vale. The kind of, calm and bemused, quietly malicious as and when required public persona that Vale has honed over the years needs the solid bedrock of consistent winning to seem graceful. It wasn't just a championship at this point, it was a question of pride and cementing your legacy and being the architect of how the world perceives you when the odds have been stacked against you for a while.

Back to Uccio. He simply didn't trust or like Marc. Or anyone who was on the racetrack at the same time as Vale (he didn't even spare sweet nothings for Viñales). I have no concrete theory for said distrust short of just saying Uccio is a bit of a slimy character (this interview of Uccio when he's doing his best impersonation of henchman from an old Hollywood western). Uccio wasn't even happy when Marc made the infamous visit to the ranch in winter of 2014. Guess the whole "Marc is helping Jorge win" thing was Uccio's attempt at reminding Vale of his ruthless nature that he thought Vale was finding hard to tap into (Vale did say Marc was an updated model of him). A friend once said that a lot of time public facing figures aren't as cruel or rancid in their interpretation of the world as much as the followers of said people. So Uccio started talking shit and given the circumstances of 2015, it made an impact.

Ultimately the odds were stacked high and Vale made a mistake. I suppose Vale knows a thing or two about how pressure can make someone succumb to errors :)

So that's my take on the whole deal. Uccio, croney par excellence, used Vale's desperate title bid in 2015 to purge some of his misplaced blood lust. He made Marc his target because according to him the young ones on the grid were nothing but a nuisance. Vale fucked up and let it drive his paranoia and made a big fucking mistake.

#sorry for the delay my big girl jobs needed attention and I managed my time poorly this week and winters make me want to sleep for longer #thank you anon for the question I loved having to read and hustle for it #sorry brevity is NOT my strong suit I'll work on it #another thing is that shit just goes missing from the internet :(#its heartbreaking all the interviews and stories you want to access have turned to dead links #i love asks I'm finally making my way through them!!!!!#any excuse to talk about Vale lol #uccio salucci #valentino rossi #uccio #vale #motogp #asks #anon #sepang 2015

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fogwitchoftheevermore · 10 months ago

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Assigning Every Fall Out Boy Song to The Life Series

because i'm a normal person with normal person feelings about fall out boy's discography and the life series. trust me.

“every” is a strong word here because fall out boy's discography is Literally Like 150+ Songs so i’m only doing the songs off their main 8 albums in this post. if enough people ask (which i seriously doubt will happen), i’ll do the eps+remixes as well.

sorry if there is an overabundance of certain characters/a lack of certain characters. i tried to include people are frequently as possible but a: i am inherently biased (though some of my faves are pretty underrepresented), b: not everyone has the same amount of content to draw from because they haven't all been in every season and c: some of these guys are simply not fall out boy characters to me. it's just how it is.

so, under the cut will be, in release order, every fall out boy song assigned to a life series character/event+the lyric that i think best represents why i assigned it.

TAKE THIS TO YOUR GRAVE

Tell That Mick He Just Made My List of Things to Do Today: DL!Pearl

To my favorite liar, to my favorite scar (to my favorite scar!)/I could have died with you/I hope you choke on those words that kiss that bottle/Confess (so bury me in memory)

Dead on Arrival: SL!Gem and Pearl (Gem POV)

This is side one, flip me over/I know I'm not your favorite record/The songs you grow to like never stick at first/So I'm writing you a chorus, and here is your verse/No, it's not the last time, 'cause I'd never say no to you/This conversation's still dead on arrival/And there's no way to talk to you/When you're dead on

Grand Theft Autumn / Where Is Your Boy: DL!Etho (JUST TRUST ME. AND ALSO GO WATCH THE BIT WHERE FINDS OUT BDUBS+IMPULSE ARE SOULMATES)

When I wake up/I'm willing to take my chances on/The hope I'd forget that you hate him more than you notice/I wrote this for you (for you, so…)/You need him, I could be him/I could be an accident, but I'm still trying/And that's more than I can say for him/Where is your boy tonight?/I hope he is a gentleman

Saturday: SL!Gem

Pete and I attacked the laws of Astoria with promise and precision/And mess of youthful innocence/And I read about the afterlife, but I never really lived/More than an hour (More than an hour)/When I say/Two more weeks, my foot is in the door, yeah/I can't sleep, in the wake of Saturday

Homesick at Space Camp: Post 3L!Skizz

Tonight is all about "We miss you" now/These friends are, new friends are golden

Sending Postcards From a Plane Crash (Wish You Were Here): Post DL!Joel

Every friend we ever had in common/I will sever the tie, sever the tie with you/You can thank your lucky stars/Everything I wish for will never come true/When you go, I will forget everything about you

Chicago Is So Two Years Ago: LimL!Martyn

You want apologies, girl, you might hold your breath/Until your breathing stops forever, forever/The only thing you'll get is this curse on your lips/I hope they taste of me forever

The Pros and Cons of Breathing: DL!Pearl

Woah, I want to hate you half as much as I hate myself/You know that I could crush you with my voice/Stood on my roof and tried to see you/Forgetting about me/Hide the details/I don't want to know a thing

Grenade Jumper: The Heart Foundation

They'll say it's not worth it, so we'll leave this town in ruin/Living like life's going out of style, and you came to watch us play/Like a "big shot talent", but at the end of the day you know/Woah, those busted lips we take back home

Calm Before The Storm: DL!Ren

You said/Between your smiles and regrets/"Don't say it's over"/Dead and gone, dead and gone, yeah

Reinventing the Wheel to Run Myself Over: DL!Jimmy and Tango

I can't wake up to these reminders of who I am/A failure at everything, 18 going on extinct/I know my place, it's nowhere you should roam

The Patron Saint of Liars and Fakes: SL!Jimmy

I'm all ears and I'm all scars/To hear you tell me, "Boys like you, you try too hard/To look not quite as desperate," I'm hanging on/But I still know the way to make your makeup run/So, and when it all goes to Hell, will you be able to tell/Me "sorry" with a straight face?

FROM UNDER THE CORK TREE

Our Lawyer Made Us Change The Name Of This Song So We Wouldn’t Get Sued: 3L!Impulse

We're only liars but we're the best (We're the best)/We're only good for the latest trends/We're only good 'cause you can have almost famous friends/Besides, we've got such good fashion sense

Of All The Gin Joints In All The World: 3L!Ren and Martyn

You only hold me up like this/'Cause you don't know who I really am/Sometimes I just want to know what it's like to be you

Dance, Dance: DL!Bigb and Ren (Ren perspective, also this is specifically applicable most antagonistic moments of their relationship we get, to be clear. This is not the usual approach I take to them.)

You always fold just before you're found out/Drink up it's last call/Last resort, but only the first mistake, and I/I'm two quarters and a heart down/And I don't want to forget how your voice sounds/These words are all I have so I'll write them/So you need them just to get by/Why don't you show me a little bit of spine/You've been saving for his mattress, love

Sugar, We’re Goin Down: Martyn

We're going down, down in an earlier round (Take aim at myself)/And sugar, we're going down swingin' (Take back what you said)/I'll be your number one with a bullet (Take aim at myself)/A loaded God complex, cock it and pull it

Nobody Puts Baby In The Corner: LL!Cleo

I keep my jealousy close/'Cause it's all mine/And if you say this makes you happy, then I'm not the only one/Lyin'

I’ve Got A Dark Alley And A Bad Idea That Says You Should Shut Your Mouth (Summer Songs): Joel

Joke me something awful just like kisses on the necks of "best friends"/We're the kids who feel like dead ends/And I want to be known for my hits, not just my misses/I took a shot and didn't even come close

7 Minutes In Heaven (Atavan Halen): LimL!Grian

Sitting out dances on the wall/Trying to forget everything that isn't you/I'm not going home alone/'Cause I don't do too well on my own

Sophomore Slump Or Comeback Of The Year: SL!Skizz

We're the therapists pumping through your speakers/Delivering just what you need/We're well-read and poised/We're the best boys/We're the chemists who've found the formula/To make your heart swell and burst/No matter what they say/Don't believe a word

Champagne For My Real Friends, Real Pain For My Sham Friends: DL!Joel and Etho

Strike us like matches, 'cause everyone deserves the flames/We only do it for the scars and stories, not the fame/At least everyone is trying, everyone is shining/Everyone deserves the flames but it's such a shame, such a shame

I Slept With Someone In Fall Out Boy And All I Got Was This Stupid Song Written About Me: Scott

I'm the first kid to write of hearts, lies, and friends/And I am sorry my conscience called in sick again/And I've got arrogance down to a science/Oh, and I'm the first kid to write of hearts, lies, and friends, now

A Little Less Sixteen Candles, A Little More “Touch Me”: LL!BigB

I confess, I messed up/Dropping "I'm sorry" like you're still around/And I know you dressed up/"Hey, kid, you'll never live this down"/And you're just the girl all the boys wanna dance with/And I'm just the boy who's had too many chances/I'm sleepin' on your folks' porch again, dreamin'/She said, she said, she said, "Why don't you just drop dead?"

Get Busy Living Or Get Busy Dying (Do Your Part To Save The Scene And Stop Going To Shows): DL!Grian and Scar (Scar POV)

I know this hurts, it was meant to (it was meant to)/Your secret's out and the best part is it isn't even a good one/And it's mind over you don't, don't matter

XO: LL!Mumbo (Look, this is a stretch, I'll be real, but this song was giving me so much fucking trouble. Let me live.)

To the "love," I left my conscience/Pressed between the pages of/The Bible in the drawer, "What did it ever do for me"/I say/It never calls me when I'm down/Love never wanted me, but I took it anyway/Put your ear to the speaker and choose love or sympathy/But never both, love never wanted me

Snitches and Talkers Get Stitches And Walkers: SL!Tango

Here's a picture with a note, "No, don't turn out like me"/It's only for your own good/No-oh, oh, oh/And haven't you heard, the word on the street is/"I lost it, called it quits," get out into the sun

The Music Or The Misery: LL!Bdubs and Etho (Etho perspective)

I got your love letters, corrected the grammar and sent them back/It's true, romance is dead, I shot it in the chest then in the head/And if you wanna go down in history then I'm your friend/Because they've got me in a band where I've never seen a heart I couldn't break

INFINITY ON HIGH

Thriller: SL!Scar

Last summer, we took threes across the board/But by fall, we were a cover story, "Now in stores"/Make us poster boys for your scene/But we are not making an acceptance speech

“The Take Over, The Breaks Over”: LimL!Cleo

Wouldn't you rather be a widow than a divorcee?/Style your wake for fashion magazines, oh-oh-oh/Widow or a divorcee?/Don't pretend, d-d-d-don't pretend/We do it in the dark with smiles on our faces/We're trapped and well concealed in secret places/We don't fight fair

This Ain’t A Scene. It’s An Arms Race: SL!Scar

I am an arms dealer/Fitting you with weapons in the form of words/And don't really care which side wins/Long as the room keeps singing/That's just the business I'm in

I’m Like A Lawyer With The Way I’m Always Trying To Get You Off (Me & You): SL!Jimmy and Martyn

We're the new face of failure/Prettier and younger, but not any better off/Bulletproof loneliness/At best, at best

Hum Hallelujah: LL!Cleo

I thought I loved you, it was just how you looked in the light/A teenage vow in a parking lot/'Til tonight do us part/I sing the blues and you swallow them too/My words are my faith, to hell with our good name

Golden: Joel (LimL especially, but also just in general)

How cruel is the golden rule/When the lives we lived are only golden-plated?/And I knew that the lights of the city were too heavy for me/Though I carried carats for everyone to see/And I saw God cry in the reflection of my enemies/And all the lovers with no time for me/And all of the mothers raise their babies/To stay away from me

Thnks fr th Mmrs: LimL!BigB and Pearl

Been looking forward to the future/But my eyesight is going bad/And this crystal ball…/It's always cloudy except for (Except for…)/When you look into the past (Look into the past…)/One night stand…/One night stand off!

Don’t You Know Who I Think I Am?: LimL!Skizz

They say quitters never win/But we walk the plank on a sinking ship/There's a world outside of my front door/That gets off on being down/Oh-oh, oh-oh/I could learn to pity fools as I'm the worst of all/And I can't stop feeling sorry for myself, whoa-oh

The (After) Life Of The Party: Scar, again. I don't know what to tell you, this is a very Scar album.

I'm a stitch away from making it/And a scar away from falling apart, apart/Blood cells pixelate and eyes dilate/And the full moon pills got me out on the street at night

The Carpal Tunnel Of Love: LL!Mumbo and Jimmy

Tired yawns for fawns on hunter's lawns/We're the has-beens of husbands/Sharpening the knives of young wives/Take two years and call me when you're better

Bang The Doldrums: DL+LimL!Jimmy and Tango

The tombstones were waiting, they were half-engraved/They knew it was over, they just didn't know the date…/And I cast a spell over the west to make you think of me/The same way I think of you/This is a love song in my own way/Happily ever after below the waist/Best friends, ex-friends 'til the end/Better off as lovers

Fame > Infamy: LL!Joel

I am God's gift, but why would he bless me with/Such wit without a conscience equipped/I'm addicted to the way I feel when I think of you, whoa/There's too much green to feel blue

You’re Crashing, But You’re No Wave: This is far from the only FOB song about a sensitive topic but it's one of the like... two that I don't feel comfortable assigning to something.

I’ve Got All This Ringing In My Ears And None On My Fingers: DL!BigB

You're a canary, I'm a coal mine/'Cause sorrow is just all the rage/Take one for the team/You all know what I mean/And I'm so sorry but not really/Tell the boys where to find my body

G.I.N.A.S.F.S.: DL!Impulse and Bdubs

Trade baby blues for wide eyed browns/I sleep with your old shirts and walk through this house in your shoes/You know, it's strange/It's a strange way of saying that I know I'm supposed to love you/I'm supposed to love you/I've already given up on myself twice/Third time is the charm, third time is the charm/Threw caution to the wind, but I've got a/Lousy arm

It’s Hard To Say “I Do”, When I Don’t: Am I allowed to say this is a Watchers song? I don't care I'm saying it.

I speak fast and I'm not gonna repeat myself, no/So listen carefully to every word I say/I'm the only one who's gonna get away/With making excuses today/You're appealing to emotions that I simply do not have

FOLIE A DEUX

Disloyal Order Of Water Buffaloes: Impulse

Oh, I'm a loose bolt of a complete machine/What a match, I'm half-doomed, and you're semi-sweet/So boycott love, detox just to retox/And I'd promise you anything for another shot at life

I Don’t Care: LL!Fairy Fort

Let the leaves fall off in the summer/And let December glow in flames (In flames; oh)/Erase myself and let go/Start it over again in Mexico/These friends, they don't love you/They just love the hotel suites now

She’s My Winona: SL!Martyn

We didn't come to compete, this is a demonstration/Even the young ones become irrelevant/They always bring up how you've changed

America’s Suitehearts: SL!Gem

Let's hear it for America's suitehearts, but I must confess/I'm in love with my own sins/You can bow and pretend that/You don't, don't know you're a legend, oh/Time, time, time hasn't told anyone else yet

Headfirst Slide Into Cooperstown On A Bad Bet: LimL+SL!Cleo, Bdubs, and Etho

Does your husband know the way that/The sunshine gleams from your wedding band?/Does he know the way, does he know the way/Of the crickets that would convince me to call it a night?/But I will never end up like him/Behind my back, I already am

The (Shipped) Gold Standard: LimL!Bdubs

All the yes-men said "No comment"/My mouth got going/The wrong way, and all the calls started snowing/The time my dad caught me a horseshoe crab/And I asked him if throwing it back into the sea would bring our luck back/I wanna scream "I love you" from the top of my lungs/But I'm afraid that someone else will hear me

(Coffee’s For Closers): LL!BigB

Though change will come, oh, change will come/I will never believe in anything again/We will never believe again/Kick drum beating in my chest again/No, we will never believe again/Preach electric to a microphone stand, oh

What A Catch, Donnie: This song is a compilation of different vocalists from bands associated with the band, a compilation of previous songs of theirs, and one of the only FOB ballads. I can't pull a specific lyric, but this one could be solidly used for a compilation/retrospective of every season so far.

27: This is the other one I don't feel comfortable assigning to anything. Moving on.

Tiffany Blews: SL!Lizzie

I'm not a crybaby/I'm the crybaby/A caterpillar that got stuck/Mr. Moth, come quick with any luck/A long walk to a dark house/A Roman candle heart, keep us far apart/I'm cocktail party doin' alright, hate me baby/Maybe I'm a piece of art/Oh, my friends all lie and say/They only want the best wishes for me

w. a. m. s.: LL!Mumbo

I'm a young one stuck in the thoughts/Of an old one's head/When all the others were just stirrin' awake/I'm tryin' to trick myself to fall asleep again, whoa

20 Dollar Nose Bleed: Dogwarts

When I look at the man who would be king, the man who would be king/Goes to the desert, the same war his dad rehearsed/Came back with flags on coffins and said, "We won, oh, we won"/Permanent jet lag, please take me back (Please take me back)/Please take me back, (ooh, ooh)/I'm a stray dog sick, please let me in

West Coast Smoker: SL!Joel

Wishes bounce me weightless/The infrared scope on pointlessness/The bulls are sedated/And this fight's fixed

Pavlove: SL!Tango

Something make my chest stir/Something make my head blur/Oh, oh, I'm not ready for a handshake with death, no/Oh, oh, I'm just such a happy mess, whoa

SAVE ROCK AND ROLL

The Phoenix: Team TIES

Bring home the boys in scraps, scrap metal the tanks/Get hitched, make a career out of robbing banks/Because the world is just a teller and we are wearing black masks/"You broke our spirit," says the note we pass

My Songs Know What You Did In The Dark (Light Em Up): LL!Cleo

I've got the scars from tomorrow and I wish you could see/That you're the antidote to everything except for me/Through a constellation of tears on your lashes/Burn everything you love then burn the ashes

Alone Together: The Roomies (Cleo, Etho, and Grian)

I don't know where you're going/But do you got room for one more troubled soul?/I don't know where I'm going/But I don't think I'm coming home/And I said, "I'll check in tomorrow if I don't wake up dead"/This is the road to ruin and we're starting at the end

Where Did The Party Go: LL!Tango

I'm here to collect your hearts/It's the only reason that I sing/I don't believe a word you say/But I can't stop listening

Just One Yesterday: LL!Bdubs and Etho

If heaven's grief brings hell's rain/Then I'd trade all my tomorrows for just one yesterday/(I know I'm bad news)/For just one yesterday/(I saved it all for you)

The Mighty Fall: DL!Divorce Quartet

Your crooked love is just a pyramid scheme and I'm dizzy on dreams/(And I'm dizzy on dreams)/But if you ask me two's a whole lot lonelier than one/Baby, we should have left our love in the gutter where we found it/(Gutter where we found it)/'Cause you think, you think your only crime is that you got caught

Miss Missing You: Impulse and Bdubs (Impulse POV)

Baby, you were my picket fence, I miss missing you now and then/Chlorine kissed summer skin, I miss missing you now and then/Sometimes before it gets better, the darkness gets bigger/The person that you'd take a bullet for is behind the trigger/Oh, we're fading fast, I miss missing you now and then

Death Valley: This is the soundtrack to the LL Battle Royale Finale

We're going to die, it's just a matter of time/Hard times come, good times go/I'm either gone in an instant/Or here 'til the bitter end, I never know

Young Volcanoes: The Heart Foundation

C'mon, make it easy, say I never mattered/Run it up the flag pole/We will teach you how to make boys next door/Out of assholes (Hahaha!)/Tonight, the foxes hunt the hounds/It's all over now

Rat A Tat: LL!Grian and Mumbo (mostly Grian POV)

But I'll take your heart served up two ways/I sing a bitter song/I'm the lonelier version of you/I just don't know where it went wrong

Save Rock And Roll: DL!Pearl

I cried tears you'll never see/So fuck you, you can go cry me an ocean, and leave me be/You are what you love, not who loves you/In a world full of the word 'yes', I'm here to scream/No, no (No, no)/Wherever I go, go (go, go)/Trouble seems to follow

AMERICAN BEAUTY/AMERICAN PSYCHO

Irresistible: SL!Gem and Pearl (Gem POV)

Count me in unannounced, drag my nails on the tile/I just follow your scent/You can't just follow my smile/All of your flaws are aligned with this mood of mine/Cutting me to the bone/Nothing left to leave behind/You ought to keep me concealed just like I was a weapon/I didn't come for a fight but I will fight till the end/This might be your battle, might not turn out okay/You know you look so Seattle, but you feel so LA

American Beauty/American Psycho: LL!Scott

I think I fell in love again/Maybe I just took too much cough medicine/I'm the best worst thing that hasn't happened to you yet/The best worst thing/You take the full, full truth, then you pour some out/You take the full, full truth, then you pour some out/And you can kill me, kill me or let God sort ‘em out

Centuries: LimL!Martyn

And I can't stop 'til the whole world knows my name/Cause I was only born inside my dreams/Until you die for me, as long as there's a light, my shadow's over you/Cause I am the opposite of amnesia

The Kids Aren’t Alright: The Mounders

It twists my head just a bit to think/All those people in those old photographs I've seen are dead/And in the end/I'd do it all again/I think you're my best friend

Uma Thurman: 3L!Cleo

You'll find your way/And may death find you alive/Take me down the line/In Gem City, we turn the tide

Jet Pack Blues: Impulse and Bdubs

Honey, don't you leave/Don't you remember how we used to split a drink?/It never mattered what it was, I think/Our heads were just that close/The sweetness never lasts, you know

Novocaine: Guess what, it's Joel again. I'm not even a Joel main why is this happening.

In the truly gruesome do we trust/I will always land on you like a sucker punch/Singing I am your worst, I am your worst nightmare

Fourth Of July: LL!Lizzie and Cleo (Lizzie POV)

I said I'd never miss you/But I guess you never know/May the bridges I have burned/Light my way back home on the fourth of July/I wish I'd known how much you loved me/I wish I cared enough to know

Favorite Record: Post DL!Jimmy

You were the song stuck in my head/Every song that I've ever loved/Play it again and again and again/And you can get what you want but it's never enough

Immortals: 3L!Grian and Scar

I am the sand in the bottom half of the hourglass, glass (Glass)/(Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh)/Oh, I try to picture me without you, but I can’t/'Cause we could be immortals/Immortals/Just not for long, for long/And live with me forever now/Mmm, pull the blackout curtains down/Just not for long, for long

Twin Skeleton’s (Hotel In NYC): SL!Martyn and Jimmy

I just need enough of you to dull the pain/Just to get me through the night 'till we're twins again/'Til we're stripped down to our skeletons again/'Til we're saints just swimming in our sins again/And there's a jet black crow droning on and on and on/Up above our heads droning on and on and on/Keep making trouble 'til you find what you love/I need a new partner in crime and you, you shrug that

MANIA

Stay Frosty Royal Milk Tea: 3L!Ren

I'm 'bout to go Tonya Harding on the whole world's knee/And I'm stuck, night vision, so stuck, night vision/But I come to life, come to life/Some princes don't become kings/Even at the best of times, I'm out of my mind/You only get what you grieve

The Last Of The Real Ones: Bdubs

My head is stripped, just like a screw that's been tightened too many times/When I think of you, when I think of you/I will shield you from the waves if they find you/I will protect you, I will protect you/Just tell me, tell me, tell me I, I am the only one/Even if it's not true, even if it's not true, yeah

HOLD ME TIGHT OR DON’T: DL+LimL!Etho and Joel

I got too high again, realized I can't not be with you/Or be just your friend, I love you to death, but I just can't/I just can't pretend, we weren't lovers first/Confidants but never friends, were we ever friends?/But when your stitch comes loose, I wanna sleep on/Every piece of fuzz and stuffing that comes out of you/You, I took too many hits off this memory/I need to come down/An-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-nother day goes by/So hold me tight, hold me tight, or don't/Oh n-n-no, no, this isn't how our story ends

Wilson (Expensive Mistakes): LL!Bdubs

There's nothing more cruel than to be loved by everybody but you (but you)/Than to be loved by everybody but you, (but you) but you/If I could get my shit together/I'm gonna run away and never see any of you again/Never see any of you again/I hope the roof flies off and we get blown out into space/I-I always make such expensive mistakes

Church: SL!Lizzie

I love the world/But I just don't love the way it makes me feel/Got a few more fake friends/And it's getting hard to know what's real/And if death is the last appointment/Then we're all just sitting in the waiting room (Mr. Stump?)/I am just a human trying to avoid my certain doom

Heaven’s Gate: LimL!Skizz (right at the end)

I got dreams of my own, but I want to make yours come true/So please come through, honey please, please come through/Oh, go out in the world, start over again and again/As many times as you can

Champion: SL!Pearl

I got rage every day, on the inside/The only thing I do is sit around and kill the time/I'm trying to blow out the pilot light/I'm trying to blow out the light/I'm just young enough to still believe, still believe/But young enough not to know what to believe in/Young enough not to know what to believe/If I can live through this, if I can live through this/If I can live through this, I can do anything

Sunshine Riptide: LL!Scott

The world tried to burn all the mercy outta me/But you know I wouldn't let it/It tried to teach me the hard way, I can't forget it

Young And Menace: LimL!Martyn

We've gone way too fast for way too long/And we were never supposed to make it half this far/And I lived so much life, lived so much life/I think that God is gonna have to kill me twice

Bishops Knife Trick: Bad Boys

I got a feeling inside that I can't domesticate/It doesn't wanna live in a cage, a feeling that I can't housebreak/And I'm yours 'til the earth starts to crumble and the heavens roll/Away, I'm struggling to exist with you and without you, yeah

SO MUCH (FOR) STARDUST

Love From The Other Side: SL!Etho

I'd never go, I just want to be invited, oh, got to give up/Get the feeling, get the feeling, don't fight it, fight it/Sending my love from the other side of the apocalypse/And I just about snapped, don't look back/Every lover's got a little dagger in their hand

Heartbreak Feels So Good: 3L!Grian

Is there a word for bad miracle?/Nobody said the road was endless/Nobody said the climb was friendless/But could we please pretend this won't end?

Hold Me Like A Grudge: DL!Pearl

(You put the "fun" into dysfunction)/Hold me, hold me like a grudge/The world is always spinning, and I can't keep up, woah/Faster and faster, can't do it on my own/Part-time soulmate, full-time problem, yeah/So hold me like a grudge

Fake Out: SL!Lizzie

But I didn't take the love when I had the chance/But I swear I'm not sad anymore/So make no plans and none can be broken/No plans and none can be broken/Do you laugh about me whenever I leave?/Or do I still need more therapy?

Heaven, Iowa: 3L!Scar

And they don't know how much they’ll miss/At least until you're gone like this/Talking to the mirror, say, "Save your breath/Half your life you've been hooked on death"

So Good Right Now: DL!Bdubs

And I know, I know I've made mistakes, yeah/And I know, I know, but at least they were mine to make/They were mine to make/And all of our wildest dreams, they just end up with a-you and me/So, let's drive until the engine just gives out

The Pink Seashell: Ok, I cannot pull a lyric for this because it is the world’s most specific monologue, but the general message of it (“Life is a lottery and bad shit happens all the time, so might as well find happiness in the good things, even the small things.”) feels like it could be Skizz. Just trust me. This one is so fucking difficult.

I Am My Own Muse: LimL!Jimmy

Here I am, not sure you should take a chance/I like playin' dumb, lettin' you figure me out/But I was faded, in my own defense/So, drop a bomb on all the things we dreamed about

Flu Game: SL!Joel

Last night I dreamt I still knew you/You/I carved out a place in this world for two/But it's empty without you/I got all this love I've got to keep to myself/All this effort to make it look effortless

Baby Annihilation: Scott

The first time I took the mask off, just had another one on underneath

The Kintsugi Kid (Ten Years): LimL+ SL!Martyn (but mostly LimL)

Passed my old street, the house I grew up in/It breaks your heart, but four of the Ramones are dead/I felt you at the beginning, but needed you at the end/We're goin' low, low, low, low

What A Time To Be Alive: SL!Bigb

When, when, when I said, "Leave me alone", this isn't quite what I meant/I got the quarantine blues, bad news, what's left?/So, it seems the vulture's gettin' too full to fly, oh/What a time to be alive

So Much (For) Stardust: Ren

I'm in a winter mood, dreamin' of spring now/Burnin' myself down, burnin' myself down, burnin'/I feel like something that's been stretched out over and over again/Until I'm creased, and I'm about to break down the middle/Split me right down the middle, right, right down the middle, yeah

#trafficshipping #trafficblr #life series #third life smp #last life smp #double life smp #limited life smp #secret life smp #fall out boy #ok youre getting all the series tags but not all the member tags. your welcome #anyways ITS DOOOOOOOONE #i love this post. this was so fun. and also took so fucking long #please look my work. and be so niceys to me about it. thank you #save tag

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allmoshnobrain · 1 year ago

Text

𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐛𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐤𝐞𝐫

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

part 12 of ? | masterpost

word count: 2059 | ao3 link | fic's playlist

And then, I realized what my decision was. I understood that the band was more than just an important project; it was what brought the five of us together, it was the beat of our hearts, and how desperately, truly desperately, we wanted it to succeed - because it had to, no matter what. And my role in all of it was to support them in the best way I could; even if it broke my heart.

✦ summary: Metallica's career begins to advance and Nore makes a difficult decision to help the future of the band.

✦ on this chapter: dave mustaine x female!oc, james hetfield x female!oc, oc is cliff's cousin, +18, language, slice of life, angst (mild), fluff, cliff burton & female!oc (family)

✦ a/n: hello! i'm posting this chapter a little earlier because i'll be traveling over the weekend. we'll be finally seeing a bit of plot development on this one hehe I'm posting at a slower pace because writing has been slow too, but I hope you like it! Feedback is welcome <3

✧ Innocence was our fire / We told the truth / I miss the sweet boys in the summer of their youth ✧

"Alright, everyone!" Lars exclaimed, grinning, and I looked up, curious. "It's band meeting time."

It was early evening, and I was chilling in the living room with Cliff, snuggled up in Dave's arms while he mindlessly watched some random TV show. That's when Lars and James walked in, both looking very pleased about something. I slipped out of Dave's embrace, making him grumble in protest, and stood up - usually, I didn't stick around for the guys to discuss band stuff because it bored me a bit and I wanted to give them some privacy.

“Stay, Nore.” James flashed me a smile, and I sat back down, surprised. "I think you'll like to hear this firsthand."

I gave Dave a questioning look, but he just shrugged, seeming as intrigued as I was. James settled next to me on the couch while Lars headed to the kitchen, returning quickly with a bottle of vodka and some shot glasses.

"Are we celebrating something or do you guys just want to start drinking early?" Cliff raised an eyebrow, a slight smirk on his face. Lars chuckled.

"You'll find out if you let me tell you," he said, and Cliff rolled his eyes. "Alright, you know we've been on the hunt for a producer for our album, right? Well, here's the good news: we finally found a guy who's down to produce the album with us."

"Lars, that's awesome!" I exclaimed as Dave shouted excitedly.

“Wait a sec.” Cliff interjected. “You said you were starting with the good news. What's the bad news?”

"Oh, right." James chuckled nervously. "The producer is based in New Jersey. And if we want to kick off the production, we'll have to go there."

"What?" Dave asked, incredulous. "How? With what cash? New Jersey is on the other side of the fucking country!"

"Yeah, thanks for the geography lesson, Einstein." Lars replied sarcastically, and Dave furrowed his brow. "Look, don't we have some money stashed from our gigs? We can rent a van and hit the road. But it needs to be soon 'cause the guy wants to get things rolling quick."

"This is insane." Dave answered. "We don't even have that much money, man. We should find someone local."

"Well, James and I have already made up our minds. So you can either get on board or we can find a new guitar player." Lars said, a smug grin on his face.

I raised my eyebrows, feeling uneasy, as Dave removed his arm from around my shoulders and clenched his fists, glaring at Lars. I could sense that he was restraining himself from starting a fight right then and there.

"Yeah, I think we should go." Cliff interrupted, cutting through the tense atmosphere in the room. "Come on, Dave. We've been trying to land a producer for this shit for ages."

Dave looked around, seemingly realizing that pushing further wouldn't get him anywhere, so he let out a frustrated sigh and rolled his eyes.

"Fine, whatever. I'll talk to my boss, see if he can lend me some cash or something."

"Great." Lars said cheerfully, seemingly oblivious to Dave's discontent. "Which brings us to another question. Whether Nore will be joining us or not."

"Me?" I asked, taken aback. Dave furrowed his brow once again.

"What do you mean ' whether she's going or not '? Of course she's going!"

"Hold on, dude. We don't even have a plan on how to get there yet." James chimed in. "We're tight on cash and we don't have a place to crash. It's not exactly the safest option for a girl. But hey, it's your call." He looked at me, and I met his gaze, unsure of what to say.

I tried to gather my thoughts, but my mind was in a whirlwind. On one hand, I really wanted to go. I didn't want to be stuck alone in San Francisco, away from Cliff, Dave, James, and even Lars. They had become such a big part of my life in the past few months, and I couldn't imagine being without their company anymore. On the other hand, James had a point; money was tight, and there were sure to be other expenses along the way. It was a risky venture, and I didn't want to burden any of them.

"You could crash at Lea's place while we're gone," Cliff suggested, clearly trying to help. I let out a sigh and shook my head.

"I... I need some time to think," I mumbled.

"Alright, then! You can decide later. Let's celebrate!" Lars exclaimed, getting up with excitement and grabbing the vodka.

I let out another sigh. This had all the potential to be a happy moment, but it wasn't, at least not for me. I felt torn and stressed. Dave still seemed a little annoyed with Lars. Cliff and James were both staring at me, Cliff looking concerned and James examining my face in a way that made me shift my gaze.

I couldn't be there right then. I needed some alone time. I stood up and made my way to the backyard, running a hand through my hair as I leaned against the porch railing and lit up a cigarette.

"Are you alright?"

I looked up and found James leaning against the doorframe, his piercing blue eyes staring at me, filled with concern. I let out a sigh.

"I... I don't know, James. It was a lot to take in all at once. And Lars..."

"Oh, he's a pain in the ass during band meetings. Forgot you're not used to it," he said with a smirk, coming closer. I chuckled softly.

"I don't know if I should go," I admitted in a hushed voice. "I don't want to be a burden or disturb anyone."

"You're not a burden," he reassured me. "You're the best thing that's happened to us."

I looked up, surprised, meeting his sincere gaze. It always amazed me how effortlessly we became friends, how he had become one of my closest companions once we got past the initial shyness. And how much he meant to me.

He reached out and lightly touched my arm, appearing slightly awkward. He was so close, close enough that I could see every detail of his face in the dim porch light. I felt my cheeks heat up a bit, not quite understanding why. He pulled me into a hug, holding me tight. I chuckled softly, burying my face in his chest.

"No matter what you decide, we'll be there for you," he said, his voice muffled. I nodded. "But just know, if you don't go, I'll fucking miss you."

"I'll miss you guys too," I murmured.

They were leaving, but I would stay in San Francisco.

I sighed, eyes closed, feeling the gentle pressure of Dave's lips against mine. He cupped my face in his hands, his weight on top of me on the bed as he kissed me slowly. It felt good, but my mind was elsewhere. It was late at night, and I had sneaked into Dave's room while everyone else was asleep.

I hadn't told him yet about my decision to stay in San Francisco while they went on their trip. I knew how much he wanted me to go, and even though I was confident it was the right choice, I couldn't shake off the anxiety of being away from everyone for an unknown length of time. I opened my eyes as he pulled back, and I noticed his intrigued gaze fixed on me.

"What's wrong?" I asked in a hushed voice.

"You look worried . What aren't you telling me?" he asked, gently. I sighed.

"Am I that easy to read?" I asked, and he chuckled softly, shifting to lie beside me. I snuggled into his arms, burying my face in the crook of his neck.

"It's about what Lars said, right? About the trip?" he whispered.

"Yeah, it is," I spoke quietly. "Dave, I... I think I'm gonna stay."

I didn't know how I expected him to react. I didn't know if he would be sad or angry. But a wave of relief washed over me when he lifted my chin with his hand, kissing me gently on the lips once, twice, three times before pulling away and looking at me with his brown eyes.

"I wish you’d come," he said in a low voice. "But if you think it's best to stay, I get it."

"I think I can help you guys more by staying around here," I whispered. "It's the right call, I think."

"But you don't look too thrilled about it," he remarked with a slightly vexed smile. I nodded.

"I'll miss you, Dave," I whispered. "All of you."

"I'll miss you too, babe," he whispered back, placing a tender kiss on my temple. "Damn, if I could, I'd never spend a day away from you." I let out a soft chuckle at his words. "I love you, Nore."

"I love you too, Dave," I replied, letting him pull me into a tight embrace against his chest. Right then, I felt like the luckiest girl in the world, but it didn't help much when I remembered how sad I was knowing that soon I would have to be away from him.

"Hey, you know what? I've got an idea," he said, grinning, clearly trying to lift my spirits. "Why don't we go out, just you and me? Spend the day together, do something fun."

I looked at him, a smile spreading across my face as some of my excitement returned.

"Are you talking about a date?" I teased. He chuckled.

"Yeah, I guess so. I just thought it would be nice to have some quality time with you before I take off. What do you say?"

"I think it's awesome," I beamed, then wrapped my arms around his neck, planting a kiss on his lips. "You're the best boyfriend ever."

"I do my best," he grinned, leaning in for another kiss. "But it's easy when I've got an amazing girlfriend like you."

A few days before the guys left for New Jersey, Dave came home and handed me a bunch of keys. I looked at him, puzzled.

"What's this?"

"Well..." he plopped down next to me on the couch, twirling a strand of my hair around his finger. "Remember our talk about spending a day together? I've got some plans. And… I may have rented a beach cottage for us."

"Dave! You shouldn't be wasting your money on this," I objected, though a smile involuntarily crept onto my face.

"Hey, no worries. I just want to see my girl happy. Plus, since I'll be away for a while... I promise I won't let you get a wink of sleep," he smirked mischievously. I looked away, feeling my cheeks flush, and he let out a soft chuckle at my reaction.

"Hey, you two," Lars called out, entering the room with James. "James, Cliff, Lea, and I are hitting up the bar. You guys wanna come along?"

"Hell yeah, count me in," Dave jumped up, brimming with excitement, and I followed suit.

Many years later, I would remember that time as one of the happiest in my life. We enjoyed that night as if it were our last; we laughed together, danced together, had fun together, and drank together. Somehow, despite all the unspoken tensions that were slowly surfacing, we remained happy, excited, and filled with hope for a successful future that, at least during that time, seemed like a distant dream.

That night, amidst the smiles and blurred memories of a beer-filled evening, all I could wish was for that happiness to last forever. I was happy. They were my family.

And I loved them.

#hello hello hello it's heartbreaker day!!#ada writes fanfiction #heartbreaker fanfic #metallica #megadeth #james hetfield #dave mustaine #cliff burton #lars ulrich #metallica fanfiction #dave mustaine x oc #dave mustaine fanfiction #nore burton (oc)#james hetfield x oc #james hetfield x reader #dave mustaine x reader

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waitmyturtles · 2 years ago

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Like last week, I’ll write up bigger Double Savage thoughts after the airing of tomorrow’s episode, but some quick notes on episode 3:

(Actually, I don’t know if I can do quick notes, because this episode held a lot.)

It’s clear that, along the lines of 10 Years Ticket, the Midnight Series, The Eclipse, and others -- that this show is about Big Commentary on a number of cultural themes that deeply affect Thai/Asian society and families.

How Korn can remain so loyal to his mother and siblings might well be beyond the understanding of many -- especially from where they stood emotionally as Korn’s father kicked Korn out. How Korn can remain so empathic to his friends and family after what’s happened to him -- it’s a little mind-boggling.

When he sees Pea, Korn reveals his internalized imposter syndrome, learned from his father’s treatment towards him: “I don’t want to drag anyone down. I don’t want anyone associated with me. I don’t want to get anyone in trouble.”

When Korn says to Li: “Our family doesn’t need a jinx like me.” He’s internalized the demeaning, destructive feedback that his father gave him. He wants to protect the family that he still loves by getting the fuck outta that house, and giving his father exactly what his father wants, because Korn thinks that that’s what will be good for his family. Good lord.

As I mentioned last week, when trying to understand why Korn shot the gun: it’s this internalized trauma that’s the key and real reason why Korn has ended up where he is. And how the chips continue to fall during that process -- how Li, of all people, ends up holding a gun. It’s a very predictable journey that a family will take, into poverty/crime/other negative socioeconomic impacts, that stem from an origin of family trauma.

I’ve been reading that young Asians on TikTok, watching Double Savage, are posting about their own experiences being a middle child, a darker-skinned child, a cast-out, a black sheep. It’s REALLY MOVING TO ME (like, I feel my heart in pain) hearing about young Asians relating to this show, because I do, too. I basically lived out my internalized commentary about myself, believing EVERYTHING my family said about me, throughout my twenties, and spent my twenties recovering from that trauma. It wasn’t until a dear friend of mine, someone who I objectively trusted, stopped me mid-sentence in my explaining why my life was a mess, to tell me: dude, you’re doing fine. You can’t believe that shit.

I’d never heard that before, because in my case, my parents and siblings were all telling me that my life was out of control...when in fact, I was just paying rent and working, which they weren’t doing. I was living a normalized paradigm of society that they had actually rejected -- and gaslit me into believing that it WASN’T worth doing.

So this gaslighting that Korn’s father has done unto Korn -- it’s seriously relatable, completely emotionally unintelligible, and the endgame of where Korn has now ended up is totally believable, considering he BELIEVES WHAT HIS FATHER HAS SAID ABOUT HIM.

And yet. He makes his promises to Win that he won’t have feelings for Rung (BAD CHOICE, KORN AND WIN, THAT WILL END BADLY, no no no no nooooooooo, bros). He makes his promise to Li that he won’t do anything illegal.

Korn, right now, still believes in the dualism of good vs. bad. He believes people are good or bad. He believes he’s a bad person. We see that Win will get into the police academy tomorrow. The police represent good... right?

Not from what Ah and Mek are telling Korn. We see now that that dualistic vision that Korn has in his youthful mind will get blown to pieces -- and he’ll begin to understand the how and why of how people are so complicated as he grows up.

I see this show getting into Jojo-esque territory about how the people THAT ARE SUPPOSED TO CARE FOR US VERY OFTEN FAIL US -- our parents, our public enforcement, our politicians, etc. Why do families, like Pea’s, need to go to the local mafia/Robin Hood to borrow money? Likely because social structures are failing families.

Dang it. This show’s gonna get into the shit. Now that Bed Friend is over, I can likely handle it better. But this show’s gonna get into the shit, and I’m hoping will be good about it. I’m finding these episodes to be quite the opposite of a drag -- they’re VERY well done, and Ohm/Perth/Film are kicking ass together. Let’s see about tomorrow.

#double savage #double savage meta #ohmperth #ohm pawat #perth tanapon #film rachanun #bad parenting #really bad parenting #asian family culture #asian family dynamics

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cowboy-lover69 · 5 months ago

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Don't Act Like You Don't Know

(Paul Allen x Patrick Bateman)

(Am back!! I was supposed to post this on the first anniversary of my first-ever fic which has now been orphaned, but I got busy. I just wanted to thank all my returning readers for all the support I've been receiving since I first started writing, it's really motivating and I really appreciate it :) I've only improved so much because of you guys!

also, Patrick's parents are out of character in this fic, for plot reasons.)

The small black car rolled down the pothole-filled country road. Sun glimmered into the windows and Paul's head leaned against the glass.

“I had no idea your family lived in such a beautiful place, It's like straight out of a movie.”

Before Patrick could respond they hit a pothole causing Patrick to just grip the wheel tighter. He was almost white-knuckled as he drove. They were going 80 miles per hour, Paul didn't seem to notice.

“Are you nervous Pat?” Paul asked, finally taking his eyes from the window to Patrick, whose eyes were glued firmly on the road.

“Why would I be nervous? It's in and out. I just need to be there for them to read the will.” Patrick said with a sharp edge to this tone. He didn’t want to talk. If he could he would glue Paul's mouth shut so he would never have to hear his fiancé speak for the rest of the trip.

“I just know you don’t have the best relationship with your family”

“I don’t know what you mean Paul, me and my family get along fine.”

Paul sighs and turns his head back to the window.

“Just so you know Paul, you will be waiting in the car”

“Huh?” Paul whipped his head around to look at Patrick.

“My family will be weird about our situation, and frankly having you there might lead to us wasting even more time there than we have to.”

“First of all Patrick, why did you call it our situation, we are engaged for Christ's sake. I thought you were over the whole embarrassment about being gay deal. Second of all I just want to be there for emotional support, I won't say a word.”

Patrick was agitated, why did it matter so much what he called their relationship?

“Don’t kid yourself, Paul. your a fucking social butterfly. Everyone just loves you and you love talking to everyone.” Patrick said, his tone rising a bit.

“You don’t need to be a dick Patrick. I get it your on edge from having to see your family but don’t be a jackass”

“Well, you're staying in the car at the end of the discussion.”

Soon enough they start pulling up on a large house hidden by the trees hardly in view from the road. They pulled into the freakishly long driveway and parked next to the few other cars. Soon enough a glammed-up older woman stepped out of the house. She had stringy hair curled into a suitable hairstyle. Her face and the rest of her body looked like they had been maximized for sex appeal at least maybe to a 16-year-old boy. She was curvy but unhealthy and skinny. She looked like she had one too many plastic surgeries on her face to maintain her youth.

Patrick sighed and stepped out of the car.

“Ah Patrick, it's good to see you. Glad you came.”

Paul followed Patrick out of the car. Patrick heard the car door open and shot a glare at Paul, but it didn't stop him.

The older woman tentatively went up to Patrick. Then she turned her attention to Paul, who was standing a bit behind Patrick.

“Oh Patrick, this is Paul?.... Sean told me about him.” The woman seemed distant like she wasn't all there. She talked slowly and had an indescribable glaze over her eyes. Patrick didn't seem to care, to him she's always been this way.

“Ah, of course, he would,” Patrick muttered through gritted teeth.

“Good to meet you Ms…?”

“Ms. Bateman…”

Paul’s eyes widened and he pulled his arm back before grabbing Patrick’s mother's hand and shaking it nervously. Patrick’s mother seemed a little shocked by the handshake but she didn't pull away from it. Patrick seemed embarrassed from the whole interaction pinching his nose bridge in frustration.

After the Awkward handshake, Patrick’s mother turned her attention back to Patrick.

“Can we talk Patrick?” she asked.

Patrick scowled at his mother but nodded.

“If we must.”

His mother started to walk towards the gated courtyard that ran on the side of the house. Patrick followed. He looked back at Paul with an indiscernible expression, then disappeared behind the large hedge-wall that went around the courtyard. Paul was a bit worried for Patrick, he was worried by coming along he may have made things weird, but nothing he could do now. He turned around to face the front of the mansion once again. He saw that Patrick’s mother had left the door open, so he let himself in.

He stepped into the house, It was eerily empty. It was a wooden interior, mostly dark woods with green accents coming from what few pieces of furniture were about. Paul was about to turn into the living room but he felt a hand on his shoulder.

Paul turned around and saw Sean, Patrick's brother.

“Oh, hey Sean. I was curious when I would see you around.”

“Paul, it's great to see you! Where is Patrick?”

“He went with his mother, they went into the gated courtyard.” Sean's face darkened a bit.

“I hope she didn’t give you much trouble.”

“Trouble?”

“Ah never mind.. I am going to go find Pat. Have a good time Paul don’t get too lost.”

Paul watched Sean turn the corner into the living area, then into the backyard via the glass sliding door. Paul walked into the living area, it was mostly empty, just filled with barebones furniture and some pictures on the mantle above the fireplace.

Paul walked over to the mantle to get a better look at the pictures. The first one was a wedding picture of Patrick's mother and what Paul assumes is Patrick's father. Patrick's mother looks so different, She looked lighter. Patrick’s father on the other hand… looked empty. He had a serious straight face and looked inhumanly stiff.

Paul glanced over to the other photo sitting on the mantle, It was a family photo. This must have been more than 10 years ago, Patrick couldn't have been older than 14 in the photo. He looked cold and distant. I guess some things never change, Paul thought to himself.

Before Paul could make any more observations he heard someone behind him.

“Hey! Who are you?” an older man said in a gruff tone.

Paul turned around to see a fat short older man. He was balding and had a terrible graying mustache under his nose.

“Paul Allen! I am Patrick’s fiancé!”

Paul reaches his hand out to shake the other man's hand, but the man doesn’t shake it.

“I told Cheryl not to invite you two.” The man huffed under his breath as he walked towards the clear sliding doors. Behind the door, the man started arguing with someone out of sight.

‘That was weird’ Paul thought.

It was only a few minutes until Paul felt an arm wrap around his waist.

“We are going leave Paul”

Paul looked up and twisted his neck to see Patrick. He's not looking at Paul, he's giving a dead-eyed stare into the back patio through the glass.

“What’s going on?”

Patrick doesn’t say a word simply tightening his grip around Paul. Patrick starts escorting him outside, Paul almost stumbles over his feet at the sudden movement. Patrick keeps hold of them until they get to the car. Paul awkwardly opens the door and slides in. Patrick silently gets into the driver's seat and starts the car. They quickly make their get away.

“What was that about Pat?”

Patrick doesn't respond at first just gripping the wheel tighter.

“Patri-”

Paul gets cut off promptly.

“Don’t act like you don’t know Paul.”

“What does that even mean?”

“Am so sick and fucking tired of you acting like you don’t know how others think of us.”

“Oh, this is what this is about?”

“Paul, you can pretend in your pretty little world that it doesn't matter what others think of us and how others treat us, but that isn’t true. You consistently embarrass me in front of our co-workers, in front of strangers, and now in front of my family. All you had to do is stay in the fucking car.” Patrick's tone was harsh and sharp. Patrick is cold and Paul knows that but this is real raw anger.

“ Jesus… Why can’t we just be ourselves, you don’t even like your family.”

“Well sometimes Paul you have to sacrifice some happiness to get things done and to have an overall pleasant life, but clearly you're too dense to understand that. Now I am an embarrassment. I will miss opportunities because I couldn't keep a handle on my fiancée who likes to make a show of things”

“A show of things? I have not gone rubbing our relationship in your family's face unless you count me introducing myself as your fiancé a show of things”

“You didn’t need to tell anyone anything. I warned you how my family is and you deliberately went against my request.”

Paul couldn't deny that, it was true. He didn’t realize Patrick would be this upset. Even if he knew in this case he was wrong he was too prideful to apologize, he didn't like the point Patrick was making about their relationship. Like it was some secret affair they had to hide. Patrick never seemed to shake his embarrassment of being queer. Paul is usually sympathetic but he's tired.

The rest of the car ride was silent. Patrick dropped Paul off at his apartment. That's the last Patrick Paul would see for the rest of the day.

#paul allen x patrick bateman #angst #hurt no comfort #paul can't catch a break #american psycho

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petronilodiaz · 3 months ago

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Getting it together, a modern day warfare being mixed with other veterans agenda with SickSide has recalling the times of us. Negative I try not to be with all the details I see that I wonder, are there calls for a reunion. Honestly, for skills I was handed from Soto I would only meet up with Sick Symphonies and all these different events I learned bringing different higher order of thinking skills (HOTS). Basically, I mean more quieter with stripes I modestly don't flaunt for the love of our underground music that I feel the need in LA. I rhymed a little with Latina Beats & Vanessa at my house up in the 818 but that was all good. There wasn't a problem with us professionally gathering and laying down some tracks with my Roland 840 digital recorder.

Time has passed, like just yesterday I finally looked back and really think if you seen anyone with indications to plan a reunion, I can't say everyone, I know I would have no problem backstaging. I mean not literally there, backstage, somewhere I know I'm doing a part, like any job, for Sick Symphonies. For me, I listen with the tunes and hear nothing about things I can agree with. I mean if I can become a presidents right hand man in any certain way, whose to say I can't provide a direction for our ladies & children, in that same way. I mean a top is a top, I understood not a jefe, just providing a knowledge stream towards our population is actually providing a sense for our kind, and that's it. I see how it helps others that I try keeping on the down low about it all. I mean if I was running around like a crazed hitman I'd say I inspired some youth for administering the sensational physicalities of going for that amazing move. They will, they will show me interest and I'll encourage a good kill, "ya got me, that's good". Probably wrote to much but I feel urgencies for communication, my brother I want making some tracks if he enjoyed what he heard. I know I want your approval or blessing in his business venture. Roots from LA, my bro, I believe he may do better for his peeps in North Hollywood towards as far as he reached with his rhymes. I made sure he didn't end up shot up like us, that to close for comfort was seen and relieved for his health today. I know I wrote a lot, so I feel like an unknown soldier with possibilities with returning towards the camp with possible vaccines that would help free people, but maybe I'm just tripping on that meth I puff like I was a Columbian federale doing daily work routines. It's actually good for a Sigmond Freud, that had a habit for ten years. I can guess it's what people made him feel it was needed for grasping the reality of his research with people not fully understanding what he was studying. The reaction at times is violent not physically, but a disturbance ripples in another sense where I'm at today. Others may have noticed details in my post-mortem care also. I can only say that I thought I was designed for that job a higher power I already confirmed for sure. Yeah right! Nobody wants me to have mine, so I try keeping clear of everyone. I'm holding double s flags in my grasp, hoping, not really hard for privacy purposes until all felt safe enough for letting me know otherwise. People keep police numbers swift to my attention do I get in county or 14 day hospital hold because it seems some want to see a sicksider just burst back into prison. Keeping hopes for Sick Symphonies, no doubt, still business driven about our production that I try representing from what people see me as without words. If help is needed consider it done.

youtube

#sick symphonies #sick jacken #capitol records #psychomusicology #para-professional #Youtube

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ddanthedumbass · 5 months ago

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"PSA: Johnny"

Call Me Karizma

May 25th, 2018

Another school shooting happened today, one will probably happen again next week and the week after that. I'm no politician, I'm not a lawmaker, or a judge, or a person of authority. I am no longer a student, I'm not a teacher or a parent. I'm an artist, and I believe my job as an artist is to create music to open the listeners' mind in the few minutes that they're hearing my song. I don't promise to always say the right things or to be politically correct, I don't know enough about guns or what laws might prevent the next murder of an innocent child. There are millions of these people already protesting our current lives so I decided to speak on something I'm more familiar with that hopefully opens up a dialogue to go hand in hand with gun violence talks

A topic I'm familiar with is mental illness. Right now, it is a devastating crisis affecting our youth. I've struggled with mental illness since I was young, I just thought I was the crazy kid. I kept to myself so others wouldn't know about my issues. I luckily learned to battle my illness by writing songs, it was my escape from it all. Unfortunately, in the last decade, since I was in middle school, I guess, I've seen our situation become incredibly worse. I can't go a few days without seeing a tweet or a Facebook post saying "my friend killed themselves today". As a society, we have ignored countless signs of mental illness and blanketed these issues with prescription pills and stigmas that only polarize these kids who need help the most. Then we sit on our couches and see headlines reading "Record high teen suicide" and "Kid brings a weapon to class" then act shocked and make it seem like they're just born quote/unquote crazy. These kids need way more than a handful of fucking Xanax

I'm not here to excuse or condone any violence but just to shed a light on society's passive role in creating a mind inside a kid to do such horrific things to their peers. Now, this is not a letter about a racist, radicalized adult walking into a school and killing children, or shooting up a church, or a Denny's. There is no fucking excuse for that. There is no helping someone who wants to hurt innocent people and they should never be forgiven. I'm writing this because today on the news I saw that a twelve-year-old boy walked into a class and shot at his fellow students. No one was killed but I turned off the TV and really asked myself: at twelve what was I doing? Was that wrestling practice? Was I playing on my Gameboy? Maybe working up enough courage to talk to a girl in gym class? One thing that never crossed my mind was hurting myself or others. That doesn't mean that other kids don't go through these things and have these feelings. I think we need to take a step back and wonder what is really driving a boy who should be at band practice to want to die and take innocent classmates with himI was advised not to speak in my song "Johnny" on this matter. I told my management team I was gonna write it anyway. And I want to say a few things

Johnny is a twelve-year-old boy, some of that you may know but have no idea what is going on in his head

Johnny could be a girl who comes home with cuts in her arms but her parents tell her it's a phase and she's gonna grow out of it

Johnny could be your son that starts posting weapons on social media but you just say "boys will be boys"Johnny could be your friend who gets called a slut and tell you she wants to die every day but you ignore the signs

I'll say it again there's no apologizing for a school shooter but no boy hardly yet through puberty who would ever do what Johnny did without being mentally ill and drastically affected in a negative way by our society

I was told that writing a song that speaks more from the shooter's perspective could be taken the wrong way and that is why I wouldn't change a fucking word to this song. As a society in America, we have to understand that our job is to put our youth first and not to measure mental health on a crazy scale. Everything shouldn't be easy listening and viewing. Sometimes we need to know what could happen if we don't do something. I am no saint and I'm just as guilty as the next when it comes to turning a blind eye to this epidemic. We need to learn to talk with our kids and realize that regardless of what politicians put into law we can make a difference without them. A difference that can change the impact of one or one thousand lives, maybe more. Something as simple as "How's your mental health today?" or "I saw your tweet, are you doing okay? Let's talk about it"This song was meant to cause a stir, it was meant to upset people, it was really meant to pressure on us as a society to combat mental health starting from preschool onward. I didn't have someone in my school to talk about my feelings and I was afraid to talk to my friends about it. I want that to end. I want there to be unlimited resources available in every public school for kids to let it all out and to know it's okay to be sad but it isn't okay to give up. Most importantly I wrote this song without a happy ending because there is no happy ending without us making a change. Before any law is put in place or before any therapist is put into our schools a shooting will happen again

I end this letter by saying this. I'm no politician, I'm not a lawmaker, or a judge, or a person of authority. I'm no longer a student, I'm not a teacher nor a parent. I'm a human being and I wrote this letter to hopefully bring us together to civilly and quickly put our kids first and make illness a priority. I will make no apologies for this song. If it pisses off a million people but helps one kid know that their mental health is fucking important and their society is here to support them through it all then it's worth every bit of hate. I'm gonna do my best from here on out to listen

Your friend, Riz

#suicideprevention #mental health #mental illness #call me karizma #PSA #important psa #Spotify #Please read/listen

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atopvisenyashill · 1 year ago

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@transdimensional-void

don’t apologize, i love hearing people’s thoughts! especially on this one, i was kinda nervous about posting it bc while it’s generally accepted that jae is terrible to saera (altho i’ve seen people excuse his treatment of saera smh), i also have alarm bells ringing about his potential relationship with viserra, daella, and gael, and i was worried accusing jae of csa was gonna be considered super spicy as a take lmao.

the "there has to be something lurking beneath the surface" is basically where i come down as well. i’m not sure if he necessarily meant to imply csa in the strict definition of the term (ie, jaehaerys actually does rape or otherwise sexually assault his daughters) instead of “just” the creepy control of & obsession with their sexualities, but i do feel grrm meant to comment on the fact that even “good” kings are hiding this really evil side of themselves and can get away with it because they have unlimited power at their control (and also dragons). the drinking in particular + aly & alyssa’s use of language that targ women are “for” a man, and this language almost immediately being used to harm them (with jae’s rape of aly & alyssa’s death in childbirth) was really what made me start to suspect grrm might want to call our attention to a deeper layer of abuse going on.

the fact that both twoiaf and f&b start with in character “notes from the author” about the political landscape they’re writing the book in makes me think he wants you to take note of gyldayn’s biases and the biases of his sources as well. that’s the main reason i think a lot of people (specifically fans of aly & jae) came away from f&b confused. they felt like jaehaerys isn’t written as the good king he’s supposed to be and “is this what grrm feels a good king is when jae is so relentlessly misogynistic?” but a) gyldayn is wildly sexist as well, i think he posits a lot of stuff as being positive that our main characters wouldn’t [like cersei, the based baelor the blessed hater] and b) i do not think jae is meant to be a “good” king lol and he never was! like we can definitely argue over whether grrm got lazy wrt some aspects of ruling in jae’s reign (jae is often just super lucky in battle ya know) but when it comes to jae needing to be talked into all of his famous “good” decisions by aly & barth or his general treatment of his family, i think it’s very much on purpose that he is a menacing figure in their lives.

ALSO...tbh yeah that makes a lot of sense re: them marrying back into the family. If Viserra had lived and had children with Theomore, any daughters could have married Daemon without much pushback because Theomore has six goddamn children to find matches for, he doesn't need his seventh for any political alliances the way a firstborn daughter would be treated. And of course, if he really wanted, any sons could always marry back into the family but that seems to happen way less than girls marrying into the family (altho tbf we don't have a lot of second and third sons that live long enough to marry lol). It definitely means that his daughters and granddaughters are still basically under his control (they're "for" him) even though they've left home; he still gets to have control over their sexuality and marriages like he does his daughters.

on a more sinister level, there's something about him not just finding husbands that are old and ugly with heirs already but also a kind of weird fixation of like, making sure his daughters don't like their husbands, almost. like, it stood out to me that alysanne considers theomore a good match because he was a hot shot when she was a child, never mind that she's a grown ass woman right now!! to me, it almost reads like jaehaerys saying "oh if you think i'm an old creep i'll show you an old creep" as a way of trying to reclaim his youth, when he was still a promising boy king and not an aging old man who butchered peasants emotionally tortured his daughters. it also means he still has access to young girls even after alysanne reaches menopause :(

patterns of abuse with jaehaerys

this post made me deeply depressed and i reread f&b which was my first mistake.

tldr i’m making the argument that jaehaerys definitely sexually abused saera and alysanne, and likely viserra and gael, and also i hate this man. if you disagree and want to say so *nicely* that’s cool but if you hardcore love jae and don’t want to hear criticism, maybe just scroll past bc i’m not nice to him at all (obviously, i’m accusing him of csa lol).

breaking this down by each woman, so there’s 6 sections: saera, viserra, daella, gael, alysanne, and alicent.

saera targaryen

If she were the king’s firstborn, or better still his only child, she would be well content. Instead she finds herself the ninthborn, with six living siblings who are older than her and even more adored. Aemon is to be king, Baelon most like will be his Hand, Alyssa may be all her mother is and more, Vaegon is more learned than she is, Maegelle is holier, and Daella…when does a day go by when Daella is not in need of comfort? And whilst she is being soothed, Saera is being ignored. Such a fierce little thing she is, they say, she has no need of comfort. They are wrong in that, I fear. All men need comfort.

that’s septon barth’s opinion on her and barth is always right. simply put, she’s a deeply neglected child who acts like a brat to get her parents attention because she’s learned the only way they’ll pay attention to her is if she’s causing a problem.

Before she was eleven, she was stealing wine and ale instead. By twelve, she was like as not to arrive drunk when summoned to the sept for prayer.

The king’s half-witted fool, Tom Turnip, was the victim of many of her japes, and her unwitting catspaw for others. Once, before a great feast where many lords and ladies were to be in attendance, she persuaded Tom that it would be much funnier if he performed naked. It was not well received.

stealing alcohol at 10 and being a committed alcoholic at 12 is not normal behavior. it is a sign of something deeply at wrong at home. also, the way she kind of, sexually humiliated tom, someone who is too “innocent” to even realize she’s sexually humiliating him…gives me the ick re: how she views sex.

Saera had learned the art of getting anything she wanted from her father: a kitten, a hound, a pony, a hawk, a horse (Jaehaerys did draw a firm line at the elephant). Queen Alysanne was far less gullible, however, and Septon Barth tells us that Saera’s sisters all misliked her to various degrees.

i don’t like this. nothing wrong with giving your child gifts (see ned going above and beyond to get arya not just instruction on how to fight but also a specific style that would gel with being smaller than your average opponent) but in conjunction with “jaehaerys ignores saera unless she’s pressing him for an expensive gift which he immediately gives her and alysanne doesn’t get why he caved so quickly” its an alarming dynamic.

also speaks to how isolated saera specifically was, that the only siblings that like her (aemon and baelon) are usually out and about, and there’s a clear wedge between saera and her sisters, even viserra.

The screams were coming from Tom Turnip, who was lurching helplessly in circles trying to escape from half a dozen naked whores, whilst the patrons of the house laughed uproariously and shouted on the harlots. Jonah Mooton, Red Roy Connington, and Stinger Beesbury were amongst those patrons, each one drunker than the last. They had thought it would be funny to see old Turnip do the deed, Red Roy admitted. Then Jonah Mooton laughed and said the jape had all been Saera’s notion, and what a funny girl she was.

again with sexually humiliating tom.

it continues with her friends. it’s not unusual for a 15 year old girl to want to fool around with other 15 year olds but alys and perri are all guilt ridden and upset and alys is with child. it reminds me a lot of cersei sexually abusing taena in affc. when she’s caught (now, mind you, she’s been marched in front of her parents sitting on the throne and not brought to them in their private rooms. she’s being treated right off the bat as if she’s guilty of a crime and not guilty of being a shitty teenager):

“She went from denial to dismissal to quibbling to contrition to accusation to justification to defiance in the space of an hour, with stops at giggling and weeping along the way,” Septon Barth would write. “She never did it, they were lying, it never happened, how could they believe that, it was just a game, it was just a jape, who said that, that was not how it happened, everyone likes kissing, she was sorry, Peri started it, it was such fun, no one was hurt, no one ever told her kissing was bad, Sweetberry had dared her, she was so ashamed, Baelon used to kiss Alyssa all the time, once she started she did not know how to stop, she was afraid of Stinger, the Mother Above had forgiven her, all the girls were doing it, the first time she was drunk, she had never wanted to, it was what men wanted, Maegelle said the gods forgave all sins, Jonah said he loved her, the gods had made her pretty, it was not her fault, she would be good from now on, it will be as if it never happened, she would marry Red Roy Connington, they had to forgive her, she would never kiss a man again or do any of those other things, it wasn’t her who was with child, she was their daughter, she was their little girl, she was a princess, if she were queen she would do as she liked, why wouldn’t they believe her, they never loved her, she hated them, they could whip her if they wanted but she would never be their slave. She took my breath away, this girl. There was never a mummer in all the land who gave such a performance, but by the end she was exhausted and afraid, and her mask slipped.”

What does Jaehaerys ask after all of this? “Have you given any of these boys your maidenhead?” Her response:

“True?” said Saera. It was in that moment, with that word, that the contempt came out. “No. I gave it to all three. They all think they were the first. Boys are such silly fools.”

Now mind you, Alyssa and Daella have both died of childbirth recently and her parents are mad she had sex as a 16 year old bordering on 17 year old, and not the fact that she like, at best peer pressured her besties into having sex and now one of them is pregnant. jaehaerys has only asked if she’s still a virgin.

“I will be married,” the princess said. “Why shouldn’t I be? You were married at my age. I shall be wedded and bedded, but to whom? Jonah and Roy both love me, I could take one of them, but they are both such boys. Stinger does not love me, but he makes me laugh and sometimes makes me scream. I could marry all three of them, why not? Why should I have just one husband? The Conqueror had two wives, and Maegor had six or eight.”

i keep trying not to give my opinion and just lay it all out but the thing is i’d just be reposting the whole scene because it’s just filled with so much weird sex stuff. if you don’t remember it, go reread it. it doesn’t feel (to me) like regular “george is bad at writing sex” vibes but “george is purposefully trying to skeeve you out” vibes but i am willing to admit i could be wrong and he really just doesn’t understand what he wrote.

anyways remember how i said saera acts out to get attention from her parents? all she’s done here is act out, her “crimes” are basically nonexistent; beyond how alys feels about being pregnant, saera consensually had sex with boys around her age who aren’t married, and then blithely compared herself to some asshole relatives. if your teenager idolizes dick cheney that’s probably worrying but not a crime! this is not how jae treats it however.

When the princess heard his words, she rushed toward him, crying, “Father, Father!” but Jaehaerys turned his back on her, and Gyles Morrigen caught her by the arm and wrenched her away. She would not go of her own accord, so the guards were forced to drag her from the hall, wailing and sobbing and calling for her father.

The king was angry and unyielding, for his shame was deeply felt, and he could not forget Saera’s taunting words about his uncle’s wives. “She is no longer my daughter,” he said more than once. Queen Alysanne could not find it in her heart to be so harsh, however. “

saera tries to escape.

This time the princess was not allowed to return to her own chambers. She was confined to a tower cell instead, with Jonquil Darke guarding her day and night, even in the privy.

Princess Saera watched from the window of her cell. Jonquil Darke, her gaoler, made certain that she did not turn away.

that’s as her dad is murdering stinger btw. is he a creepy 19 year old? yeah. but like, making your 15 year old watch you murder her 19 year old trust fund baby stoner boyfriend sure is something.

so then they sent her to the silent sisters where she’s beaten all the time and has to pray all the time and she runs away, becomes a sex worker and literally never looks back.

The truth did not come out until a year later, when the former princess was seen in a Lysene pleasure garden, still clad as a novice. Queen Alysanne wept to hear it. “They have made our daughter into a whore,” she said. “She always was,” the king replied.

“You need her as a Dornishman needs a pit viper,” Jaehaerys said. “I am sorry. King’s Landing has sufficient whores. I do not wish to hear her name again.”

but before we move on, let’s look at one more related ick, when saera’s sons show up to the great council:

From Essos came three rival competitors, grandsons of King Jaehaerys through his daughter Saera, each sired by a different father. One was said to be the very image of his grandsire in his youth.

after her drinking, acting out, and jaehaerys’ focus on calling her a whore, explicitly pointing out that one of her grandsons looks just like jae is a choice. i know they’re super inbred. it’s still uncomfortable in context.

viserra targaryen

alysanne makes no sense here but i’m just gonna quickly explain instead of lay it out or we will be here all day bc viserra’s engagement is completely nonsensical. theomore manderly is old, ugly, has a shitton of heirs, and viserra clearly doesn’t want to marry him. also if she wanted to be queen, why is she going after baelon, aemon is still alive. anyways jaehaerys is no help here, then she goes to baelon for help, but she’s also super drunk.

Frustrated, Viserra next turned to her brother Baelon in hopes of rescue, if court gossip can be believed. Slipping past his guards into his bedchamber one night, she disrobed and waited for him, making free with the prince’s wine whilst she lingered. When Prince Baelon finally appeared, he found her drunk and naked in his bed and sent her on her way. The princess was so unsteady that she required the help of two maids and a knight of the Kingsguard to get her safely back to her own apartments.

she gets drunk with some friends again, goes riding, breaks her neck. i wanted to point out this pattern of drinking and acting out at a young age. as well as this pattern of targaryen daughters who aren’t “meant” for a brother and are promised to men who are old and with heirs

daella targaryen

i wanted to add daella because her getting married at 15 makes as little sense as viserra, and her match to a old man with several heirs is equally nonsensical. but also this:

“I would never marry her,” the boy said, in front of half the court. “She can barely read. She should find some lord in need of stupid children, for that’s the only sort he will ever have of her.”

where did vaegon get that mouth.

Daella was not clever, even her septa had to admit. She learned to read after a fashion, but haltingly, and without full comprehension. She could not seem to commit even the simplest prayers to memory. She had a sweet voice, but was afraid to sing; she always got the words wrong. She loved flowers, but was frightened of gardens; a bee had almost stung her once.

Jaehaerys, even more than Alysanne, despaired of her. “She will not even speak to a boy. How is she to marry? We could entrust her to the Faith, but she does not know her prayers, and her septa says that she cries when asked to read aloud from The Seven-Pointed Star.”

The queen always rose to her defense. “Daella is sweet and kind and gentle. She has such a tender heart. Give me time, and I will find a lord to cherish her. Not every Targaryen needs to wield a sword and ride a dragon.”

so daella is 12 at this point.

Her sixteenth nameday was fast approaching, and with it her womanhood. Queen Alysanne was at her wit’s end, and the king had lost his patience. On the first day of the 80th year since Aegon’s Conquest, he told the queen he wanted Daella wed before the year’s end. “If she wants I can find a hundred men and line them up before her naked, and she can pick the one she likes,” he said. “I would sooner she wed a lord, but if she prefers a hedge knight or a merchant or Pate the Pig Boy, I am past the point of caring, so long as she picks someone.”

i just don’t like this. other “simple” targs are not required to marry, like vaella and aelora, two of daeron ii’s grandfaughters so i don’t get why daella is pressured into marrying before she’s even of age. at least jae 2 forced rhaella and aerys because of a prophecy? what is jae’s reasoning for so sexualizing his daughter?

gael targaryen

this one is definitely a reach but i’d like to point out that this is basically all we know about gael:

Princess Gael, a sweet, shy child of seven, became the queen’s constant shadow and support, even sharing her bed at night.

and our information on how she dies is so shady:

A sweet-natured girl, but frail and somewhat simpleminded, she remained with the queen long after her other children had grown and gone, but in 99 AC she vanished from court, and soon afterward it was announced that she had died of a summer fever. Only after both her parents were gone did the true tale come out. Seduced and abandoned by a traveling singer, the princess had given birth to a stillborn son, then, overwhelmed by grief, walked into the waters of Blackwater Bay and drowned.

how does gael get pregnant by a traveling singer when she never leaves her mother’s side? why doesn’t anyone in court know gael got pregnant and killed herself until after aly and jae both die and how was this even found out?

am i implying that jaehaerys sexually abused all four of his daughters? yes because he literally sexually abuses his own wife.

alysanne targaryen

“I am forty-two years old,” she told the king. “You must be content with the children I have given you. I am more suited to be a grandmother than a mother now, I fear.”

King Jaehaerys did not share her certainty. “Our mother, Queen Alyssa, was forty-six when she gave birth to Jocelyn,” he pointed out to Grand Maester Elysar. “The gods may not be done with us.” He was not wrong. The very next year, the Grand Maester informed Queen Alysanne that she was once more with child, to her surprise and dismay.

he uses the birth that killed their mother and that is condemned by rhaena and alysanne as reckless and cruel of rogar to force on her. that birth.

at this point as well, he had abused saera and daella, then they’re gone, then viserra starts drinking and dies, then jae marital rapes aly into having gael, giving him access to another young girl to abuse…i’m aware this is a very uncharitable reading of him but…

alicent hightower (and kind of alyssa targaryen)

Ser Otto’s precocious fifteen-year-old daughter, Alicent, became his constant companion, fetching His Grace his meals, reading to him, helping him to bathe and dress himself. The Old King sometimes mistook her for one of his daughters, calling her by their names; near the end, he grew certain she was his daughter Saera, returned to him from beyond the narrow sea.

saera is the one he fixated on yet again but notable that he’s fixated on his daughters as he dies and not his sons, despite jaehaerys turning to drink after aemon died bc he was so upset.

He announced his intention to wed Lady Alicent of House Hightower, the clever and lovely eighteen-year-old daughter of the King’s Hand, the girl who had read to King Jaehaerys as he lay dying.

The Hightowers of Oldtown were an ancient and noble family, of impeccable lineage; there could be no possible objection to the king’s choice of bride. Even so, there were those who murmured that the Hand had risen above himself, that he had brought his daughter to court with this in mind. A few even cast doubt on Lady Alicent’s virtue, suggesting she had welcomed King Viserys into her bed even before Queen Aemma’s death. (These calumnies were never proved, though Mushroom repeats them in his Testimony and goes so far as to claim that reading was not the only service Lady Alicent performed for the Old King in his bedchamber.)

i know it’s just mushroom being a perv but a rumor that 15 year old alicent “serviced” jaehaerys existing besides rumors that he mistook 15 year old alicent for the daughter he last saw when she was 17 - and viserra was 15, gael 19, and daella 15, all around alicent’s age and all died before age 20. all the targaryen girls that weren’t born “for” a brother exit the narrative after some sort of sexual abuse that centers around jae, as teenagers; daenerys was born for aemon, alyssa for baelon, and maegelle for vaegon before they both fucked off and maegelle was too pious (and too old). this idea of being “for” a brother leads directly to alyssa’s death before 30:

“You were made for battles, and I was made for this. Viserys and Daemon and Aegon, that’s three. As soon as I am well, let’s make another. I want to give you twenty sons. An army of your own!” It was not to be. Alyssa Targaryen had a warrior’s heart in a woman’s body, and her strength failed her. She never fully recovered from Aegon’s birth, and died within the year at only four-and-twenty.

and alysanne being “for” jaehaerys is how he excusing sexually abusing her into a risky pregnancy. essentially what i fear is that because saera, daella, viserra, and gael aren’t “for” someone, jaehaerys gets it into his mind that that are for him. even without him raping them tho, that subtext is there! he is entitled to saera’s virginity and calls her a whore multiple times, even decades after she’s left, and murders her boyfriend in front of her. he claims a weird sexual ownership over his neurodivergent daughter daella and his alcoholic, depressed daughter viserra, and we get zero information on gael’s pregnancy or his reaction to it. but jaehaerys deciding his daughters are “for” him certainly has a basis in canon just judging from the erratic and worrying behavior of his younger daughters.

jaehaerys is a creep and i hate him and i don’t know how much of this is on purpose (like, will aegon vi or dany find out jaehaerys was a shady pedo and it shatters their world? will dunk and egg find it out and it affects their plot somehow? did george just put it in there to make a comment on power and monarchy and misogyny, similar to aegon iv raping the bracken women? or is just there for window dressing creepiness, like “i will pepper in the fact that jaehaerys is sexually obsessed with his daughters” thing?) or if george just made jaehaerys sexually obsessed with his daughters on accident?

on the one hand, it seems out of character for george. he romanticizes drogo thru dany’s eyes but it’s clear he’s meant to be seen as a creep (dany talking about being pregnant followed by “she had just turned 14” is sickeningly jarring for a reason) and also, drogo dies bc of his own pride. sansa doesn’t like any of the old dudes touching her; she is at least marginally freaked out by her wedding night, the unkiss, and lf & dontos taking liberties with her, and rightly. the story that’s told about the mountain raping a girl and making the father pay him is meant to disgust us. the walk of shame is a harrowing chapter to read, because whatever cersei’s crimes, this sexual humiliation is not something she deserves. on and on. yes, we all hate the way arya is sexualized in the mercy chapter, but crucially, she’s not blithely and happily seducing these pervs, she’s going hard candy on their asses. is this just messy set up for something like that?? i think, given how little dany knows about her family’s crimes that somehow learning jae sexually abused (and maybe even impregnated) his own daughters after she herself experiences sexual abuse would be huge. the same goes for aegon vi learning that sexual abuse runs rampant in his family tree; would he empathize with saera hiding out in essos to escape the sexual abuse of her father, see some of elia and his own plight in her? in gael?

or did george really just. not realize how sexually obsessed jaehaerys was with his daughters?

idk how to end this. where’s the winds of winter george i need answers.

#replies #much to think about......and none of it is good lol #once again i'm super wordy. one day i will learn how to write in a more succinct way.#i do think some of this is also that grrm doesn't have any middle management in westeros.#like just one dude in charge of the entire treasury???? the hand doesn't have an entire political faction?????#the queen doesn't have any real lady's court??#irl viserys and daemon aren't just allowed to fucking freeload in the red keep you know those bitches would have been given government jobs #like queen charlotte and king george had a million kids and they put those bitches to work!! they were viceroys and governors and commander #why do no suitors put themselves forward for gael?? queen victoria was out here calling beatrice 'baby' for like 50 years but people still #asked for herhand in marriage even tho victoria said no.#the french literally had built in official mistresses. george u don't have to name all the jobs just mention they have one.#jaehaerys targaryen #gael targaryen #daella targaryen #saera targaryen #viserra targaryen #gael and the bard

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