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#posts that make no sense but just enough sense to me.
bamfkeeper · 2 days
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Winter Coat.
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RQ: 'Saw your requests were open and I've gone through like 99% of your works so I just HAD to toss in a request (which, absolutely take your time on btw, I completely understand the burnout that can happen at the drop of a dime). I'm so impatient when it comes to weather and seasons that I desperately need it to be chilly autumn already. I'm sure you seen it but that one post about Kurt getting fluffier during autumn/winter got my gears turning. What do you think his reaction would be to a GN reader warming their hands in his fur? (Bonus prompt if reader can somehow get past all that lovely fur and touch his skin with freezing fingers ∩ω∩)' - @casualeylee
Pairing: Kurt Wagner x GN!reader // Warnings: Slightly suggestive themes
A/N: I love the idea of him growing longer fur so I enjoyed this a lot. Quick little drabble for the upcoming cool months! I have a few requests for his fur, which was sweet to see, I adore him fuzzy. I hope you enjoy <3 WC: 1.3k
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"Mein Gott, your hands are freezing, liebling," Kurt remarked with concern, his gaze settling on your hand as it awkwardly intertwined with his own. You sighed contentedly, leaning closer to him for warmth as the two of you strolled leisurely around the dying garden of the mansion. The once vibrant blooms were now succumbing to the colder weather, which was taking its toll on the plants. Yet, despite the garden's current state, you found yourself looking forward to the cold months ahead and the festive holidays they would bring.
"I know, I'm sorry," you admitted sheepishly, glancing up at him with a hint of regret. "I should've worn the mittens you told me to put on before we left..." You pouted slightly, chastising yourself for being so stubborn earlier. Kurt chuckled softly at your demeanor, his little smirk spreading warmth through you and making you shiver, though not from the cold. His amusement was infectious, and you couldn't help but smile back.
Kurt's tail gently ran under your shirt and wrapped around your waist, holding you even closer as you walked together through the chilly evening air. You couldn't help but notice how his tail felt slightly more fuzzy than usual, prompting your free hand to naturally reach out and stroke the soft fur. "Are you getting fuzzier?" you questioned with curiosity, suddenly eying his face and observing that his jaw seemed to have longer fur too, as if preparing for the colder months ahead.
"Ja, I get a thicker coat when it gets cold...you complain about my fuzz now, just wait until I have a full-on winter coat and I am shedding all over your favorite sweaters!" he laughed softly, his eyes twinkling with amusement at the thought of you dealing with a living room filled with his fur. The idea of him shedding more fur made you smile, envisioning the playful challenge it might bring. Even if it meant a bit of extra cleaning during the winter season.
"Your hand still feels cold, liebe," Kurt observed with concern, his eyes filled with the usual warmth as he looked down at you. Gently, he pulled you closer to him, wrapping his arms around you protectively. "I think our walk is done...you are going to freeze out here if we stay any longer," he stated with a hint of urgency in his voice. Not wanting you to endure the cold any further, he effortlessly teleported you both inside the expansive mansion, determined to stop your shivering.
Now, you found yourself comfortably seated on the plush couch in your shared bedroom. The luxurious room was spacious, adorned with elegant furnishings, and boasted a charming small fireplace that crackled softly. Only the older X-Men were privileged enough to have a room this nice, making you feel incredibly lucky, especially when you were currently shaking off the cold. As you sat in front of the gently flickering fire, its warmth slowly seeping into your chilled bones, you couldn't help but feel a deep sense of happiness.
Kurt teleported back into the room with a soft purple haze enveloping him, his tail flicked away any remaining cloud as he walked over to you. He gently sat down beside you on the couch, causing the blanket that was draped around your shoulders to slip slightly as he made himself comfortable. He placed a steaming cup of hot chocolate on the small table beside the couch, its warmth and aroma inviting. “I made it just how you like.” Kurt noted and left it to cool off for a minute. You gave him a soft smile at the gesture, he always knew what to do to make you feel loved. He always went above what he needed to do, and that was one of the things you loved about him.
Kurt leaned back and went to wrap his arm around you, intending on pulling you closer to him to offer extra warmth to you before he paused. "Oh," he remarked thoughtfully, humming to himself and leaning back a bit to look at you, "Skin on fur might help..." With a slight shuffle, he began to remove his top, revealing his abdomen and chest. As he did so, you noticed that his skin had also grown more fuzzy.
You swallowed hard, feeling a mix of curiosity and admiration as you couldn't help yourself from eying his chest and abdomen. He stood before you, his attractive physique lean and toned, each muscle defined under the light from the fireplace. The fur that covered his body looked incredibly soft, inviting, you needed to have your hands on him. It was impossible to ignore the magnetic pull you felt towards his body at that moment. “Ah…you are growing a lot more already,” you rasped, your voice barely above a whisper, laced with an undertone of need. With a sense of awe and hesitancy, you reached out, your fingers trembling slightly as they made contact with his warm skin. Slowly, you let your hand trail up, starting from his belly button and moving upwards to his chest.
You swallowed nervously, feeling the firm and defined muscles beneath his soft fur, and as you did, you began to have some difficulty controlling your thoughts, which started to wander in unexpected directions. Kurt laid his hand gently over yours as you felt the warmth of his chest, his intense yellow eyes fixed on you with a playful grin. “Naughty…I know what you’re thinking. You always get this look in your eye…sinner,” he said with a teasing tone, his voice low and playful. His words and the cheeky way he spoke made your face heat up even more, feeling more flustered since you were practically feeling him up.
"Shut up...your fur is really warm on my hands...that's all." You muttered embarrassingly, feeling the heat rise to your cheeks, your hands continuing to slowly rub his chest and feel the fur there. It was so incredibly soft, the longer bits curled around your skin, inviting your nosy fingertips to dig even farther into his fur, seeking more warmth and comfort in every stroke.
"Enjoying yourself?" He asked with a slight smirk, sitting still as you explored him with that stupid grin, allowing you to continue your gentle exploration. He opened his mouth for another teasing comment, but his breath hitched quickly as your freezing fingers unexpectedly found their way to his skin. "Ach...- Liebling..." he murmured, his voice tinged with a mix of surprise and endearment.
"What? Did I find something?" you asked with a mischievous grin, your turn to be cheeky now. You intentionally let your fingers wander over his skin, which was so incredibly, so wonderfully warm. With a playful determination, you weaseled your hands against his skin, feeling the contrast of your cool touch against his heat. Snuggling even closer to him, you couldn't help but smile as Kurt laughed and squirmed a little from the unexpected cold sensation of your fingers dancing across his body.
"The things I let you do to me..." he huffed, though there was a fondness in his voice, as he held you even closer to him. His arms and tail wrapped securely around your body, pulling you into a protective and affectionate embrace. While he often teases you relentlessly, it's always in good fun, because at the end of the day, he truly loves you. He is more than willing to suffer through the icy touch of your fingertips against his warm, sensitive, ticklish skin, as long as it brings a smile to your face and you enjoy every moment of it.
"Ach! Liebe!" he exclaimed, jerking up slightly in surprise as you playfully moved your fingertips to the sensitive sides of his ribcage. His reaction was both amusing and endearing, and you couldn't help but giggle at how it caught him off guard.
He looked down with a soft, affectionate smile, acknowledging your mischievousness with a twinkle in his eyes. "Cheeky thing..."
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Thanks for reading.
*BAMF*
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Dividers by @/adornedwithlight
Cover image: Nick Robles art credit, other images Pinterest.
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huginsmemory · 1 day
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Ideology of Exceptionalism and Gravity Falls; meta and character analysis
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I had a whole ago read a post by @icanlife that had a quote by Alex Hirsch on Ford's greatest flaw, and wanted to explore what the flaw is, which is the ideology of exceptionalism; in the exploration, I’ll touch on what it is and how it is used in abusive relationships and cults, as well as how it drives multiple Gravity Falls characters and consequently how it impacts relationships between these characters, and how the show ultimately refutes exceptionalism.
Quick note here; I am not in any way, shape or form a psychologist nor have any formal training in psychology; this is written from my own experiences with this ideology and my own forays into psychology and trauma-informed learning. It is also written with a loose understanding that is likely not broad enough to cover all references to cults, extremist groups and abusive relationships. 
The Ideology of Exceptionalism 
First of all, we have to get through a drier bit, which is… what is the ideology of exceptionalism and how does it arise? Might be fairly obvious, but it is the belief that you are, or belong to, a group of exceptional people, thus more important and worth more than anyone else; ie, those who don't qualify as 'exceptional'. It is often a subconsciously learned ideology. Now, what qualifies one as exceptional can be extremely varied; generally it revolves around something that provides some form of privilege. Thus, it might be, as the main exceptionalist idea in Gravity Falls, 'intelligence', or power, or it can be such things as attractiveness, quantity of money one has, species, nationality, or skin colour and ancestral heritage. The ideology of exceptionalism, being by nature hierarchical, devalues, and at its worst, openly and violently dehumanizes those who do not qualify as exceptional. 
For why exceptionalism occurs is an extremely broad topic, but I've personally found that, for exceptionalism revolving around intelligence, it's a result of a poor sense of self-worth, and having one's self-worth tied to what makes one exceptional. Poor self-worth itself (again, broadly) is a result of childhood trauma from a lack of positive affirmation and unfulfillment of the emotional needs of the child. Meanwhile, self-worth becoming tied to the quality of exceptionalism generally is a result of when positive affirmation was pretty much solely provided around their 'exceptionalism', especially when provided derogatory commentary, or a blatant example of how they would be treated if they aren't 'exceptional'. As a result of the general lack of affirmation, self-worth then becomes often solely reliant on the qualities of exceptionalism, as that is the only way for the child (and later, adult) to get affirmation of their worth, as well as out of fear of being ‘not worth anything’ like the examples of ‘non-exceptional’ people they have been given. 
This is especially likely to occur when the child is a social outcast; the adoption of the hierarchical ideology of exceptionalism, and the devaluation/dehumanization of others often occurs subconsciously as an avoidance/minimization tactic from pain. This is to say, the child, and later the adult (if healthy self-worth is not established) goes 'it doesn't matter what the non-exceptional people say or if they accept me since I matter more than them because of my exceptionality'. It can even be taken further, that being shunned is part of one's exceptionalism, and becomes part of the qualifier of being exceptional. For instance, 'they just can't understand because they aren't exceptional and that's just a part of being exceptional'. This idea also neatly tailors into the part of the concept of being better then others means you are separate from others; this can be taken that someone who is special, needs to be alone to be truly special.
Obviously, exceptionalism is not a healthy coping mechanism for poor self-worth, as often such people constantly feel the need to prove and show off their exceptionalism to gain that affirmation and avoid rejection, which is stressful. As well, it often negatively impacts their relationships with other people as a result of the arrogance of believing that they are better than most others, or even deliberate sabotage due to their arrogance. This occurs as they flatten the complexity of human experience to black-and-white hierarchical categories of exceptional/not-exceptional through constant judgement of those they meet, and often refuse to engage with people who don't belong to their 'exceptionality', or even people they simply don't like, even if they technically qualify. Generally, those that they do like or have close relationships with, often due to being similar, are automatically labelled as 'exceptional'. Those judged as ‘exceptional’ also become privy to the open judgements of ‘non-exceptional’ others, out of a subconscious belief by the exceptionalist that the other believes similarly; something that may strain their relationship if the other doesn’t ascribe to exceptionalism. This all culminates in the exceptionalist being blind or even adverse to the diversity of experiences, which makes it difficult to create relationships and community outside of echo chambers of their own beliefs (if they can even find this), and subsequently, these people are often isolated and have very few to no close relationships with people. 
However, all humans require connections with other people, relationships where one can rely on others emotionally and physically if needed and feel accepted; they also require to feel like they are worth something, that their life has meaning. Lacking meaningful connections and having a crippled sense of self-worth, a deep yearning hole is left in these people. Exceptionalism, especially as it is a narrative constantly pushed by Western society as it validates hierarchies, is then employed as a (often subconscious) trauma response to assuage this yearning hole, with arrogance and denial. And depending on the circumstances, it can be a very strong and definitive trauma response for people.
This isolation and lack of self-worth is catnip to abusive relationships, including cults and extremist groups. These types of relationships often heavily rely on isolating their victims or pulling them into echo chambers of solely the abuser’s rhetoric, to redefine what is healthy through gaslighting; as the exceptionalists are already isolated, this makes them extremely susceptible. They also often provide these people affirmation, and in these cases especially about their exceptionalism, thus confirming their self-worth, their 'specialness', while also providing them the connection they have been lacking, either through the cult community or through the abuser’s own presence. These emotional needs, which haven’t been met in a long time, if ever, begin to be fulfilled; something that abusive relationships and cults hinge on, rather than any form of logic.
Ideology of Exceptionalism and Gravity Falls
The main characters within Gravity Falls which are heavily ascribed to exceptionalism would be both Ford and Bill; this characterization deeply impacts the story and their relationships with others (technically the Northwest are another case regarding wealth, but less directly impact the storyline and thus tangential; Gideon also is an example, but as a mirror of Bill). With each of these characters I’ll go into detail within their sections on the way they began to ascribe to exceptionalism, and how it plays out later in their relationships; I will first begin with Ford, then move to Bill. Then, to cap it off, I’ll go into the characterization of Stan and the way Gravity Falls refutes exceptionalism. 
Ford and Exceptionalism
Firstly, the quote from Alex Hirsch that kicked this whole baby off, as mentioned previously; 
“Ford sees Dipper as someone who’s special like himself. That’s Ford’s great flaw, his arrogance is he believes that there’s special people, and everyone else. That human attachments are actually weaknesses. And the song and dance that he’s giving Dipper right now, is the song and dance that he gave McGucket, back when they were younger… ‘You and me are different, we’re better than everyone else. We have a path that no one else can understand, and only us can do this.’ It’s a very seductive idea for Dipper… Dipper is a smart kid, but Ford’s projecting. Ford loves Dipper because he sees someone who’ll tell him ‘yes’ to everything. Who’ll never challenge him, who’ll do a really insane dangerous mission.”
Very blatantly Alex Hirsch calls Ford out on his arrogance in the belief that he is special, in his belief in the 'lone hero' complex, in his belief in exceptionalism. And really, it should be no surprise that Ford does so, considering the way he's depicted as a social outcast as a child (other than Stan), and the way his parents have been clearly shown to be not particularly emotionally supportive (“I’m not impressed”); they don't provide positive affirmation except for his intelligence (mostly due to the possibility of money making through it…), while also actively comparing him to Stan who is derogatorily ‘not-exceptional’, and ‘worth less’. This all sets Ford’s self-worth up to be fragile, and other than Stan who wholeheartedly accepts him, he is isolated and invalidated; plus, the only other validation he receives is around his intelligence. All very classically fitting the profile for exceptionalism.
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Image id: Stand and Ford when they were children, both clearly enjoying each other's company.
Ford’s belief in his exceptionalism catalyzes after the shattering of his and Stan’s relationship. Previously the twins are shown to do everything together, having a very close caring relationship; something unlikely if Ford thought he was better than Stan. Also, when Ford is talked to about his opportunities, Ford looks uncomfortable at the way they talk about Stan as inferior, compared to how he himself is being praised; but in the offer he’s simultaneously finally being validated, he’s being told he’s someone worth something, and he’s going to be someone worth something after this. And then the science fair incident occurs, and Ford loses that validation from his parents, from the judges and a future of more validation; after being promised validation and acceptance, it slips through his fingers. And in his anger of being denied that, it becomes easy to begin to slip subconsciously into the rhetoric the others have been feeding him; that he’s exceptional, that Stan isn’t, and he deserved to be recognized for his worth. So he breaks the relationship with the only person who accepted and validated him for who he is. With that loss of previous support, Ford becomes then deeply obsessed with proving his exceptionalism to the world to assuage that fragile self-worth, to become accepted, or even better, revered, confirming that he is someone of worth, someone special, like he was promised. 
Ford’s obsession also doubly functions as a way to alleviate his guilt over shattering their relationship; if he’s exceptional as he believes, then he’s within the right to respond the way he did, as he’s worth more than Stan, he's better off alone, and he has a right to be angry over being denied that validation. As well, in much the same way as it is used as a way to alleviate his guilt over the end of their relationship, it is also likely used in a way to minimize the pain of being ostracized (although not directly depicted); afterall, Ford’s keenly aware and insecure about his social ineptitude and his six fingers as things that make him different from other people, case in point with his experience visiting Lazy Susans Diner. Thus it wouldn’t be unsurprising if he uses the idea of being worth more than those who ostracize him to imply it ‘doesn’t matter’ what they think. His ostracization by nature keeps him from generally forming close relationships, with the exception of Fiddleford (who much like him, is socially outcast, and intelligent) during his university days. As a result, he's isolated and acutely lonely, having lost Stan.
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Image id: One of the missing Journal 3 pages in TBOB, detailing Ford's botched social interaction in Lazy Susans Diner. In the background is the print of his six-fingered hand.
In his obsession over being acknowledged, Ford, like many others who believe in exceptionalism, identifies strongly with the causes of his ostracization (his intelligence, his six-fingeredness) as part of, or wholly, makes him exceptional. It is obvious through his choice of study; with the grant he has been gifted, he chooses to revolve his work around the weird, the outcast, something that you see Ford gravitate towards being an outcast and deemed 'weird' himself (which in Journal 3 he openly talks about). Something that can be, much like him, framed as 'exceptional'. His work is even recorded in a journal that Ford deliberately chooses to put his six-fingered hand on the cover of. Intertwined with the way it becomes adopted into the idea of exceptionalism, is the keen loneliness from his ostracization and a deep desire to be accepted and a wish to find a community of other weird people.
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Image id: Two pages from journal 3, labelled 'Myself', in which Ford is open about being weird, and a social outcast, while also noting his ambitions and that 'Gravity Falls, [is] the place that I fit in.'
Ford and Bill
All of this culminates in Ford becoming an incredibly easy target to manipulate by Bill. He’s desperate to be acknowledged (and thus accepted) by an authority figure so that his belief in exceptionalism is justified and his self-worth confirmed. And he knows he’s intelligent, that he's exceptional because people have told him so, but he just needs to prove it with something that shakes the world. And the grant is finally his second chance after the fair, but he's stuck, and the research is going nowhere, and he's in a town where he doesn't really know anyone and he’s so terribly lonely. And sure, he clings to his exceptionalism but if he can't even prove it then is he really exceptional? Is he even worth anything like he thought he was? And what about what he's left behind, rejected, because of his exceptionalism?
And THEN he finds an incantation and he ignores the warnings because maybe, just maybe, this will be his break to get that acceptance/validation he has been chasing his whole life? 
And then it's better than that. 
A god, essentially, shows himself to him, an ultimate figure of authority. And he tells him that yes, he is special, he’s worth more than other people, and Bill’s only showing himself to Ford because he is so much more intelligent than anyone else. Ford is suddenly getting his exceptionalism confirmed by a god of ancient knowledge, an immensely intelligent interdimensional being, and he’s also showering him with affirmations, specifically affirmations around what Ford's fragile self-worth is based on. And even better, he's delighted by Ford's six-fingeredness; he's not put off at all, it even becomes his main nickname for Ford, just like it used to be for Stan all those years ago. On top of it all, Ford's own social ineptitude doesn't phase Bill, another thing Ford is self-conscious about; Bill's own social ineptitude as he's not human probably makes Ford feel comfortable, knowing that's not expected from him.
Through Bill, not only does Ford find someone who validates his self-worth through intelligence and even confirms to him that his weirdness is part and parcel of making him special, he also finds someone who he regularly (generally) is in contact with, who enjoys talking to him and even banters with him familiarly. Hell, Bill even deliberately goes out of his way (literally possessing a whole wack ton of rats, then dream karaoke) to celebrate his birthday with him; how long do you think Ford has simply skipped his birthday since he had no one to really celebrate it with? The loneliness, beneath his arrogance and belief in exceptionalism, is being fulfilled; for the first time since Ford was a teenager, he's fully accepted by someone, social awkwardness, six fingers, exceptionalism and all. 
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Image id: One of the lost pages from Journal 3 in TBOB, the 'one thing led to another' page, with Bill and Ford singing karaoke and drinking together, both clearly enjoying themselves; Bill has an arm slung around Ford's shoulders.
So it's really no surprise at all that Ford fell for this, hook line and sinker. Hell, if I was in Ford's shoes I would fall for it just as hard. And I've seen a few posts floating around talking about how Bill is bad at manipulating, and no, he's not. He was able to pinpoint exactly what Ford wanted and needed, and provided that, was charismatic enough to provide that. Again, manipulation isn't about logic. It really isn't; it's about the emotional core in people, what people lack and what you can give them to slowly reel them in to sing your dance and song. And people will ignore vast swaths of red flags when you're finally being accepted, when you're finally getting your emotional needs met at least in some way or form. It's better than not having them met at all, such as previously. So Ford worshipping Bill is really not a surprise, especially as Bill deliberately stoked it.
All of this is part of why you see Alex Hirsch call Ford's belief in his exceptionalism his greatest flaw; because it allowed him to be very easily manipulated by Bill, and by its nature kept Ford isolated from others, evident by his arrogance in assuming he knows best and refusing to see other people who aren't as 'intelligent/weird' as him as worth getting to know, listen too and even reach out to ask help from, it's him believing he has to be the lone hero as someone whose 'special'. It's something that blinds him to the danger of his work around the weirdness of gravity falls because he’s desperate to seek a place where he and his weirdness belong, and it's something that plays out in each and every relationship he has because it's something he clings to so deeply. It's what cost him his relationship with Stan, who previously accepted him completely, and, as he's disinclined to form new relationships and as Bill actively strokes his paranoia (Trust No One…), ultimately further increases the hold Bill has over him. It's only Fiddleford’s presence as he works with Ford that allows him some form of outside reference and reprieve from solely Bill’s influence, something that Bill resents deeply and is clearly jealous and angry about, even if Fiddleford is helping create the portal. And it's ultimately Fiddleford, once he was aware enough of what was happening, calls Ford out on it, seriously jeopardizing Bill's influence over Ford; but Ford is too invested in the portal, in chasing his own ambition and caught up in Bill’s manipulation to take him seriously, until the incident with the trial, and Ford beginning to hear other voices then Bill.
Ford’s Exceptionalism and Wider Relationships
Now back to how it plays out in all Ford's relationships; we've already gone over it with Bill's influence, because it made him extremely easy to manipulate, and with his disregard of Stan in favor of validation of his exceptionalism. But Ford, as pointed out by Alex Hirsch, also exerts the ideology's seductive rhetoric to both Fiddleford and Dipper (who look up to Ford) in a similar way that Bill does with him (although there is a difference of it being used intentionally and maliciously, compared to subconsciously and earnestly, even if it is problematic). Ford, with his black-and-white view of exceptionalism, sees both Fiddleford and Dipper as people who are like him; 'exceptional', and so he treats them as such, and uses this rhetoric to coerce them into helping him.
For Fiddleford, the lure is how he can change the world, how he can be finally acknowledged if he helps Ford with the portal. And it works well; he willingly chooses to leave his own work and his wife and young son, to work with Ford. Much like Ford, Fiddleford himself is also a social outcast and regularly presumed less smart than he is, and he’s got a chip on his shoulder to prove himself, to gain acknowledgement and recognition from the world at large. Although Fiddleford has a family which presumes he’s not entirely lonely like Ford is, he also clearly has deep feelings for Ford, some which are hinted to be more than just ‘friendly’ feelings; it is likely the combination of the lure of validation and spending time with Ford, a kindred spirit that accepts him and an old friend/crush, that causes him to agree (afterall, it was Ford who made Fiddleford feel accepted and choose to stay at Backupsmore). And Fiddleford’s not even considered a partner, but rather an assistant to Ford due to Ford's arrogance, and he still drops everything to go! It’s more about their relationship and connection rather than validation, but that doesn’t stop Ford from espousing exceptionalism. And this is a distinguishing difference, because although Fiddleford would like recognition, he’s not there solely because of it; he’s not a believer in exceptionalism nor arrogant about his skills, and so, unlike Ford who is blinded by his obsession, he’s much more aware of the dangers of the weirdness of Gravity Falls. Thus, he's actively calculating the risks involved, and when he realizes there could be potentially devastating consequences of the portal, he attempts to talk Ford out of it; this fails due to Ford’s own denial and obsession over the portal. In the end, it all goes terribly sideways, and Fiddleford ends up losing everything he had; his wife, his son, his friend, his memories and himself to the trauma he had experienced at the invitation of his friend with the lure of validation and company, due to the memory gun he had created himself. 
As for Dipper, much like Ford, he also has issues with self-worth (many of the episodes deal with Dipper finding self-worth; ie, the manotaur episode), has a physical oddity (his birthmark) and by far the trait he relies on most for worth is his intelligence (for example, in one episode he rubs it into Mabel's face over and over again in beating her in games). He's also extremely desperate to be recognized by authority figures as someone intelligent, case in point when he summons the dead after being made fun of by the government agents to try and show them that the information he's gathered is important after Stan dismisses his knowledge. This desperation to be seen as someone of worth from Dipper, much like Ford, extends to the need to be a hero, something he even says at the end of the zombie episode; yet, due to Mabel, unlike Ford he's not a lone hero, and Mabel also half the time acts as the hero.
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Image id: Zombies crawling out of a crack after Dipper summons them; Dipper and the two agents look on in horror.
It all culminates in Dipper hero-worshipping Ford when he returns; really, no different than Ford worshipping Bill. And Ford clearly finds it extremely flattering; Dipper's attention and amazement of him feeds his exceptionalism. Exactly how Ford responded to Bill, Dipper is willing to do anything for Ford, excited too, in an attempt to impress Ford and be validated and accepted. And for Ford, that's an extremely heady feeling, especially as someone who has been constantly alone the last 30 years, especially when he had one previously confirm his exceptionalism all those years ago and stopped, and now someone is once again affirming that idea. And Ford doesn't have to be alone again, because he's found a kindred spirit in Dipper as his assistant, someone ‘just’ like him, someone who is exceptional. Because he sees himself in Dipper, he begins to espouse exceptionalism unconsciously, by praising Dipper's own intellect and adventurous spirit, assuaging his feeling of self-worth, while also telling him he's more important or better than others because of it. 
And it's seductive to Dipper, because he wants to hear those affirmations of his self-worth, especially as he hero-worships him, but Dipper isn't sold on it, because it means leaving Mabel behind, it means believing that he's worth more than Mabel (and also, Stan, and all his friends he’s made in Gravity Falls). It's ultimately because of his relationship with Mabel that he rejects the ideology; he's not isolated the way Ford was with Bill, and he's not willing to break that relationship for that acknowledgement, because his relationships matter more to him.
Bill and Exceptionalism
Now of course, that's only on the Pines; what about Bill? 
While it's obvious that Bill uses exceptionalism as a main manipulative tactic, it's not just an ideology he sprouts emptily; it's also an ideology he believes in, just like Ford, although it's less based on intellectual exceptionalism, and more on power and 'weirdness'. 
This most distinctly can be seen in Bill's denial about what happened to his home dimension; Bill's belief in his exceptionalism occurs as a pain avoidance tactic from killing his whole dimension. Bill was clearly a social outcast within his dimension due to being able to see 3d; he's not accepted, and not trusted, to the point that there is medical intervention to make him blind. That's a deeply traumatic experience that completely erases one sense of self-worth, where one’s sanity is called into question by your parents on something that is not harmful, that's beautiful and you just want to share with them. It's a deep and clear rejection of who Bill is, and his ability. As a result, out of a desperate bid to be understood and accepted, he ends up trying to show them the stars. And it ends up killing everyone. 
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Image id: Page of TBOB, on 'The Early Years' which notes that Bill was an oddity for seeing 3d, something that was illegal to speak about. Bill frames it as something that made him 'special' and better than all the others.
Traumatized, and originally rejected by the dimension, he instead weaves an excuse of exceptionalism; that it doesn't matter what he did to them because he's exceptional and he's worth more than all of them because he can see 3d, because he's powerful, so he shouldn't/'doesn't' feel any remorse about it. With such a traumatic result of trying to be accepted by people, he rejects the idea of trying to be accepted for who he really is; instead adopting a facade of a monster that he believes he is (and eventually, becomes).
Even if he clings to the delusion of exceptionalism, and shuns attempts to find true acceptance, he still wants it; and that's where his henchmaniacs fit in, as they're all, as Bill's noted when trying desperately to get Ford to join him, weird; each has something 'wrong' with them, which is why Bill accepted them as his lackeys (although it's not like we know the context around these). It's a surface-level acceptance however, one more predicated on fear than emotional acceptance. He's taken his 'weirdness', much like many do who believe in exceptionalism,as ‘part of what makes him exceptional'.
In the same way that Ford wants to show the world that he's smart and intelligent by building the portal, Bill does so by wreaking havoc and taking over existences as a way to show the world that he's powerful, that he's someone to be reckoned with, that he's not someone to be ignored because he's someone who's worth more than others. If you can't be loved and accepted, then being hated and feared is better than being ignored; acknowledgement at least approaches acceptance, it's validation of some sort of worth. It also functions as deliberate self-sabotage of his morals, by proving that he is the monster that killed his entire dimension; if that's what he is, then that's who he's going to be, because if he wasn’t, then he has to come face to face with his remorse over what he did to his dimension and his whole house of cards around his exceptionalism and not caring collapses. So instead he keeps feeding the delusions the denial, and lies and lies and lies and keeps lying to ignore all of it, to wrap himself in this shroud of exceptionalism and brutality as a way to function. And it somewhat works, because he's mostly deluded himself about it all, even if subconsciously he knows. 
And of course, this display of Bill's exceptionalism is what brings Bill to earth, to Gravity Falls, and to manipulating humans. In meddling with earth and humanity, beyond Bill's goal of taking over earth and fleeing his own unravelling dimension, he also enjoys reaping the benefits of being worshiped by humans, who find him awe-inspiring. Their amazement of who he is, and Bill's own posturing and manipulation of people leads to Bill literally forming cults (ie ciphertology) or having apprentices that worship/find him (to varying degree) inspiring; all reinforcing his feelings of exceptionalism. 
Of course, Ford numbers among these people; he praises Bill and worships him, as he's played like a fiddle by Bill, because his self-worth and belief in exceptionalism is fucked up in a way that perfectly resonates with Bill’s. Because it's the exact same types of issues around self-worth, around being an outcast, being weird and wrong physically, and yet at the same time gifted. And Ford clearly is incredibly lonely and yearning for acceptance, but so is Bill; since the beginning he's been trying to find someone who would accept him, even if he's given up on it. And for his song and dance to entice Ford in, he pretends he's not crushed dimensions for fun, that he's not a 'monster'; a version of him he buried after he had tried to show his parents the stars, one that he occasionally resurrects and puppets around for manipulation (all lies are better when they have a grain of truth). And this version of him is worshipped, but above all is accepted, is loved by Ford. The softer parts of Bill, even if they are still weird as fuck, the parts that were never far beneath the surface for all his deluding, become loved by Ford. Much as Ford becomes hooked on Bill’s praise, Bill also becomes hooked on Ford's genuine love and care. It becomes personal, unlike any previous ‘inspirations’ and Bill over time gets to the point that he feels accepted, safe enough with Ford to share about his dimension much more close to the truth then he did with any of his henchmaniacs. He becomes vulnerable with Ford, in response to Ford’s own vulnerability with him. He’s finding acceptance for the first time in his life around the softer parts of himself, not just the feared acknowledgement that comes from his dimensions conquering; much like Ford is finally finding companionship and acceptance with Bill, not just only intellectual validation. Bill's also for once, not just self-serving; he cares, and goes out of his way to take time with Ford, even celebrating Ford's birthday (in the unique way he does things), both with the rats and the karaoke.
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Image id: One of the lost Journal 3 pages in TBOB. Ford recounts Bill talking about the destruction of his dimension, and calls himself by implication a monster.
They're both fulfilling each other's emotional needs, needs which both of them have struggled with most, if not all of their lives (although their relationship is certainly not healthy, considering it's codependent as fuck, riddled with exceptionalism and oodles of power imbalance issues). And suddenly, against Bill's plans, Ford's no longer just a disposable pawn, but someone Bill wants as part of his team, someone by his side, closer than his henchmaniacs are. He's unwittingly fallen for Ford, and so when everything goes sideways in his plan, and Ford swears it off, suddenly cutting off their relationship and that acceptance Bill had finally felt, he spirals into grief and anger from the rejection. As a result, he becomes extremely abusive to Ford in desperate attempts to continue their relationship, and ultimately he becomes obsessive over Ford joining him again as Ford continues to refuse, as evidenced by both Weirdmageddon and the Book of Bill.
Stanley Pines, and the Refuting of Exceptionalism 
Exceptionalism, being a negative driving factor behind many core character dynamics, is ultimately refuted by the show. This occurs multiple times over the show, such as with Mabel in the Pioneer Day episode, especially compared to Pacifica, but mostly through Stan's characterization. Stan is someone who has been since the beginning characterized (if lovingly so) as someone who is a failure by societal standards; he’s an older man running a run-down tacky tourist shop to swindle gullible tourists out of their money, has multiple divorces, has an ongoing feud with a literal 12 year old, clearly has had multiple mishaps with the law (some ongoing), is generally pretty self-serving and is extremely lonely and really had no close relationships until Mabel and Dipper showed up. He's not exceptional; he's not even what we would consider 'decent' enough to have a 'typical, hard working job’. In short, he’s a failure, a stark difference to the idea of 'exceptionalism' that characterizes Ford. If he's gifted in any area, it would be charisma (debatedly), not anything else.
But it's still Stan who rebuilds the portal from literally only one journal (not all three!) and gets it to work. It even seems like he only needs some codes from the other two journals when he does get them, suggesting that he was able to extrapolate from what was left and the first journal’s blueprints to fix it entirely, something that is extremely difficult and technically complicated (Ford, Bill and Fiddleford all worked on it together!). Stan's able to do it, even if it's been shown he's not 'naturally' gifted in that area. And it's something he does as a result of his deep care for Ford; because even after their fights, he cares about Ford and wants to right his wrongs, believes he should, because of his whole life of being defined as a failure and even worse than that, screwing up his ‘exceptional’ brother’s life. And he’ll do it even if that means learning how to build an interdimensional portal, even if it takes up thirty years of his life doing so, and he doesn't waver. Much of this is connected to his own complexes around being deemed a failure compared to Ford, having failed to succeed in his life, and how he feels that he needs to atone for screwing up Ford’s life, now for the second time; but beneath it all, he also cares. Much like Ford, he's extremely lonely, but he's not blinded by Ford's arrogance, and as a result he wants to make sure Ford's safe, because that's what he used to do, they’re twins, they grew up together, they once they had fully accepted and cared for each other, and dammit that still means something, and Stan hasn't found that depth of emotional connection since. So if possible, he wants to rekindle that closeness they had, but first, he needs to bring Ford back. 
And in the end, it's not Ford's own special gun he built using his intelligence that 'kills' Bill. It's Stan, someone who Ford had long ago broke it off with in search of validation of his exceptionalism, someone who both Ford and Bill labelled as 'not-exceptional', who defeats Bill. It's exceptionalism's devaluation of people who are 'not-exceptional' that causes Bill to underestimate the Pines beyond Ford, and it's only when Ford put aside his exceptionalism and his refusal to accept and trust 'non-exceptional' people, that is, trust Stan once more, that causes Bill to end up defeated by Stan.
In the end, it's not about who's 'smarter'; it's a reminder that everyone has different skills and are better at different things, but that doesn't diminish one's worth or value, and that just because someone isn't naturally 'gifted' in an area doesn't mean they can't learn or use different ways to get around obstacles. Ultimately, it comes down to that no one is worth more or less than other people; exceptionalism is a lie. It’s a lie and an excuse, and it's certainly not a healthy way to assuage one's poor self-worth. What does matter is creating positive healthy connections with other people, and caring about them. This creates a community where you can be yourself and be emotionally fulfilled through these connections; and when opposition does arise, you become able to fight it together, and fight so much stronger than if you are alone.
And by the end of the show, you see that. Ford begins to let go of the ideal of exceptionalism and its black-and-white categorization; finally recognizes his own faults around prioritizing validation of his intelligence and exceptionalism over his relationships, and finally, after all the years, chooses to create and rekindle positive relationships with people, trust people, and make amends. And in the end, he goes sailing with Stan, prioritizing their relationship, finally fulfilling their childhood promise.
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Image id: One of the pages written by Ford into TBOB. Ford refutes Bill's idea of happiness, and says he has finally found his own happiness, and it looks like the photo taped in, of Stan, Ford, Dipper, Mabel, Soos and Wendy, all smiling together.
TLDR: Exceptionalism, an ideology of categorizing people into being special and worth more vs plebian and worth less, is a trauma response and subconscious ideology that characterizes Ford and Bill’s lives, deeply impacting all their relationships as it is used to coerce people into doing what they want, makes Ford easily manipulated, and breaks relationships through their arrogance. It is ultimately denounced through the way Dipper chooses to reject Ford’s offer and his rhetoric of being exceptional, and through the way it's not Ford’s intelligence, but rather Stan, who has been labeled as 'not-exceptional' and a failure at life, that defeats Bill through trickery. It's a reminder that everyone has worth, and no one is worth more than other people, even if one may be gifted in certain areas; the ideology of exceptionalism is fragile and a lie. In the end, creating a caring, loving community around oneself is where strength truly lies, as is seen with the deep care and love the characters have for each other, and the repairing of Ford and Stans relationship.
Thanks to the lovely @eshtaresht who deigned to beta read this monster of a post for me
If you enjoyed this meta, (first of all if you read all this you're a champ!) I've also done another gf meta post! (It's shorter I swear)
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biting-miguel-ohara · 15 hours
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Heat - Logan Howlett x ftm!Reader x Wade Wilson
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A/N: Made myself blush while writing this 🤭 It’s the second longest story I’ve posted on this blog and most of it’s just filth, so I hope you all enjoy. Please let me know if I missed a warning! I know it’s a big chunk of them, but there’s a lot in this fic!
As always, don’t read if the warnings make you uncomfortable!!!
Written for this request
CW: Reader is a dog mutant; explicit sexual content; smut; humping pillows; Reader is in heat; Reader has canine characteristics; mentions of biting; Reader’s arousal is referred to as slick; Reader’s parts are called dick and hole; fingering; desperation; grinding; cursing; more humping; Logan, Wade, and Reader are all dating each other; Reader is called handsome, baby, baby boy, slut, pup, puppy, mutt, dog, and honeybunches; degradation; mentions of breeding; Logan and Wade are referred to as Reader’s owners; mention of pre-established rules; oral sex (Reader receiving); overstimulation; Wade and Logan kiss; kissing; talk of blowjobs; crying; crying during sex; makeshift collar and leash; mild asphyxiation?; spanking; blowjobs; this position has a name, I just don’t know it; rough sex; mild throatfucking; PiV sex, I guess; dacryphilia?; Logan pushes his cum back inside Reader; cuddling; ‘I love you’s
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They’d left on a mission. They’d left you to go on a mission.
Well, really, you’d asked them to stay but refused to give a reason out of embarrassment, so they’d left. Promising they’d be back soon, but they’d still left.
And now here you were, rutting against Wade’s pillow like the damn dog you are.
It’s not really your fault. It’s part of your mutation. With your dog ears and tail and enhanced senses comes heats and possessiveness and biting.
Which is why you’re rutting against Wade’s pillow, as Logan’s has been turned into a pile of fabric scraps and stuffing. But it’s not really your fault. It just sorta… happened.
You growl softly and rub your aching parts harder against the pillow. It’s soaking wet, the fabric sticky with your slick. Burying Wade’s scent under yours.
Part of you likes the fact you’re marking his stuff with your scent. The other part of you just misses Wade and Logan.
The thought of your boyfriends has your dick pulsing with need. With a snarl you toss the pillow aside. It’s not enough. It’s never enough.
Getting off without them just isn’t satisfying anymore. Not when you know how Wade’s fingers feel stuffed inside you. Or how Logan’s dick feels when he’s bullying it ruthlessly into your hole.
You whine and pant, fingers snaking down to stuff themselves into your hole to relieve the aching need even just a little. It only makes it worse. You know it’s not them. Still, you fuck yourself with your hand, desperate for some relief.
You hear the front door open and you’re on your feet in an instant. You can hear Wade’s voice and you follow it like a beacon.
“Phew! It reeks of sex in here!” His mask is off. He turns around and spots you. “Hey, there, handsome—“
You pounce on him. Whining and whimpering as you rub your dick against his thigh. Hugging him tightly even as you hump his leg, tail wagging frantically behind you. Wade seems too stunned to comment for a moment.
There’s a low chuckle behind you. “Needy fucking thing. Bet he’s the reason our apartment stinks.”
You groan, hole clenching just from his voice. “Logan…!”
Wade finds his voice. “Goddamn, baby boy! Were you this needy the whole time?”
“Yes!” Your voice comes out as a whimper. “I needed you and you left!”
“Aww.” The two men coo in unison, Logan’s more mocking than Wade’s.
You bury your face against Wade’s shoulder and try your best to not tear up. Your dick is painfully achy, your hole clenching desperately around nothing. You need them so bad it makes your whole body hot.
“Please,” you whine. “Please, Wade! I need you so bad! Need your big fat cock stuffed in my hole.”
Wade groans and you can feel him thick and hard against your thigh. “Baby boy—“
Hands grip your waist, pulling you off and denying you the friction you crave. You sob at the loss.
“So needy,” Logan scoffs. “You’re like a damn pup in heat. Begging for our cocks like a slut.”
Slick gushes down your thighs. Drips onto the floor. You’re not even embarrassed about it anymore, so turned on you swear you could cum from Logan’s voice alone. You can feel your tail wagging so fast it hurts a bit.
Wade squeals with delight. “Look at him! I think he likes that!”
“Of course he does.” Logan holds you firmly against him, his hand trailing down to grip your wet thigh. “Dog’s practically begging us to breed him.”
The thought makes you moan, all breathy and desperate. You frantically wiggle and squirm, trying so hard to get his fingers just that little bit higher. You’re delirious for his touch, your whines and moans flowing freely.
“Please, please, please, please!” You beg, even as Logan slaps your thigh.
“Calm the fuck down, pup. I’m not fucking you here in the kitchen.”
You blindly turn for the bedroom. Wade laughs. “Come on, Wolvie. Look at the poor guy. He’s practically cock-dumb and we haven’t even done anything to him yet. Poor baby needs some love.”
Logan mutters something under his breath, but lets you go. You take one eager step, tail wagging, and almost topple over. Both men laugh, Wade catching you before you fall.
“Look at him,” Logan sneers. “Damn pup can’t even walk without his owners.”
Hands grip your hips again, keeping you up as he half-carries you to the bedroom.
He stops when he gets to the door. “What the hell?”
Wade pops up behind him. “Oooh, you’ve been a bad puppy, haven’t you?”
You moan again. You can’t help yourself. Not with Logan’s hands against your waist and his chest to your back. You shift to grind your ass against his front. His hold on you tightens instantly.
“On the bed,” he orders, shoving you forward. “Bad dogs don’t get rewards.”
You collapse on the bed, squirming and shifting until you’re comfortable. Then you roll onto your back and bring your knees to your chest. Exposing your dripping hole and throbbing dick to them.
Their reaction is immediate. Wade groans and Logan growls. They both move forward, gazes fixed hungrily on you.
“Look at you,” Wade coos mockingly. “I’ve never seen you this wet before.”
“… you really are in heat, aren’t you?” Logan grips your thigh, pressing your leg further into your chest to expose your hole even better. You whine and clench around nothing, the feeling almost painful at this point.
Both men groan.
Wade reaches out, as if to finally give you the love you need.
Your tail gives a few excited wags. “Please!”
He drags his fingers through your slick, teasing your hole and circling your dick. You sob at the feeling, bucking up frantically at the touch.
Logan growls and pins your hips down, forcing you to take what Wade gives you. “This ain’t a reward, handsome. You take what we give and you behave. You’ve already ruined our damn pillows. You don’t get to dictate how this goes.”
Tears leak from your eyes as you nod.
Wade chuckles softly. “So mean, Wolvie. You gonna be mean enough to let me fuck him today, or—“
“Fuck off,” Logan growls, pushing Wade’s head towards you. “Shut up and eat him out. You know the damn rules, idiot.”
Wade just laughs and kneels at the edge of the bed. He pulls you to him effortlessly, smearing more slick across the sheets. You’re positively drenched by the time his mouth meets your body.
He laps at your dick, swirling his tongue around it and sucking on it. Making you cry out and squirm against Logan’s hold on you. He’s still pinning you down, and it’s agony to not be able to chase your pleasure.
Wade grins against you, lowering his head a little to lap at your hole. Slurping up your slick like it’s his meal. Tonguing at your hole in a way that makes you sob.
You’re really crying now. Logan just smirks at you. “Look at you. Crying when you’re getting what you wanted. You’re a pathetic little slut.”
All that comes out of your mouth is a broken moan. Both men chuckle. Wade starts fucking your hole with his tongue, practically rubbing his nose against your dick. Your body arches with pleasure, your orgasm slamming into you out of nowhere.
Wade doesn’t let up, not until you’re pleading and sobbing and begging from the overstimulation. Then he finally pulls back, his face covered in your slick. Logan pulls him in for a kiss.
You pant for breath on the bed, dick aching with overstimulation. But you clench around nothing at the sight of your boyfriends kissing. You groan at the feeling of emptiness, whimpering softly.
They turn to you again. “Damn dog,” Logan mutters. “Can’t even let us have a kiss in peace.”
His hand moves to his belt and your tail thumps a few times on the bed. He smirks. “So eager. Bet you’d suck me right off if I asked.”
The thought has your mouth watering. Just the mental image of his thick cock thrusting in and out of your mouth has you moaning.
Wade grins. “Oh, he likes that idea.”
“You want that, mutt?” Logan starts to undo his belt, tugging it out from his belt loops. “Bet you’d slobber all over it. Make me cum down that hot throat of yours.”
You whine as your body again clenches around nothing. It hurts, the feeling of emptiness growing.
Logan gestures for you to sit up and you obey. You wipe the salty remnants of tears from your eyes, giving him a pathetic look.
Logan grins viciously and loops the belt around your neck. Sliding it through the buckle and notching it just the barest bit too tight around your throat. He gives it a tug, chuckling at the way you groan.
“Back on the bed,” he orders. “You’re gonna suck Wade off, nice and slow while I fuck your greedy little hole. Alright?”
You nod and he tugs harder on the makeshift leash. “Alright?”
“Yes!” It’s just a bit difficult to breathe, but you obey anyway. Scrambling to get on your hands and knees as Wade clambers onto the bed, stripped naked. You settle yourself between his legs, ass up in the air.
You barely have time to prepare yourself before Logan’s hand comes down on your ass. You yelp, tears springing to your eyes at the sting. Wade tilts your head up, one hand stroking his cock.
“You ready, baby boy?” He coos. Your eyes fixate on a bead of precum pooling at the tip of his cock.
You nod and Logan smacks your ass again. “Words, mutt. Or bark if you’re too dumb for that.”
The degradation makes you whine, heat creeping up your cheeks. You swallow past the saliva in your mouth. “Yes, sir.”
Wade smirks. “Good boy.”
He guides your head to his cock, letting you take the lead from there. You suckle the tip into your mouth, swirling your tongue around the head and tasting the precum. You can only lower your head so much; thanks to the makeshift collar and leash around your throat.
But you make due with what you can, arching your back as Logan runs his hands along your thighs.
“You’re a mess,” he says, letting his thumb brush against your hole. You clench automatically, a whine spilling out your throat. Wade groans at the feeling, thrusting up into your mouth.
You gag on his cock at the same time Logan slaps his cock against your hole. Nudging the tip against your dick. A moan is forced out of you, easing Wade’s cock further into your mouth.
“Fuck, baby boy,” Wade gasps. “Gonna make me blow too soon if you keep that up.”
You pull back, letting out a whine. Logan notches the tip of his dick against your hole, putting a little bit of pressure behind it. “Don’t you fucking stop, mutt.”
You take Wade’s dick back into your mouth, moaning around his thick length. He groans and thrusts into your mouth, right as Logan pushes his cock into your hole. Burying himself all the way in one go.
You choke, tears springing to your eyes at the sudden, delicious feeling of fullness. At the drag of Logan’s cock as he thrusts in and out of your hole. At the way his tip bruises against that one spot inside you.
“Fuck, your hole’s so tight,” he grunts. Gripping your hips to start up a bruising pace. You suck Wade’s cock as best you can, moaning and whining around it.
Wade moans with you, thrusting into your mouth and inching deeper and deeper until you’ve taken as much of him as your makeshift collar will allow you too.
It’s tight around your throat, Logan’s grip on the end of it unyielding. You arch your back a bit to get more leeway. The new angle makes you cry out, the vibrations of your throat sending Wade hurdling over the edge.
He cums down your throat, thick seed spilling on the back of your tongue. You swallow it all, tears streaming down your face. He pulls you off, leaning down for a kiss, only to lick the tears from your cheeks.
“Such a pretty boy,” he coos. “Such a pretty pup.”
You’d wag your tail, if the feeling of Logan thrusting hard into you didn’t suddenly make your toes curl and your back arch hard. You cry out, tension building hard in your body.
“I’m close, I’m close, I’m close!” You pant out, gripping Wade’s thighs for support. Logan only picks up the pace with a growl, muttering filthy things under his breath.
“Come on, you dumb mutt. Cum for your owners like a good boy.”
With a howl, you cum hard enough to see stars. Your ears ring and your head feels woozy. Warmth floods your lower body and you moan at the feeling.
It takes a moment for your hearing and vision to come back. Wade’s petting your head, fondling your soft ears. Logan’s still buried inside you, head pressed to your lower back.
You groan and shift a bit. Logan lifts his head. “You alright, pup?”
“Mhmm.” You’re a little too woozy to form words.
Wade unbuckles the belt around your throat and you gasp at the sudden full intake of air. You rest your head against his thigh, letting him rub his fingertips against the red marks on your throat.
Logan pulls out, making you whine from the sudden loss. He chuckles softly, scooping up the cum that spills out of you and stuffing it back into your hole. You squirm a bit, but don’t protest.
Wade pats the bed and Logan clambers on, making the mattress dip below his weight. You roll onto his chest, nuzzling your cheek against him. He pets your head, tracing a finger along your neck.
“It wasn’t too much, was it, pup?” He asks.
You shake your head. “It was perfect.”
Wade joins the cuddling, snuggling into Logan’s side. “You know, baby boy, you can always tell us when you’re in heat.” He kissed your cheek. “We love to help.”
Your face heats up and you hide against Logan’s chest. “Okay… Next time, I’ll tell you.”
“That’s a good boy.” Logan kisses the top of your head.
You preen at the praise, tail wagging behind you. For a few moments, the three of you just lie quietly.
Then Wade speaks up. “Guess we’re buying new pillows tomorrow.”
Your face warms with embarrassment. “Err… you might wanna wait for that.”
Both men look at you. “Why’s that?”
You scratch behind one of your ears. “I’m in heat. It’s not just a one day thing… At best, it’ll be all week long. And if you two have to go anywhere…”
Wade just stares at you. “All week long…” He sits up. “Baby boy, consider our schedule freed!”
You blink at him. “What?”
He grins at you. “A whole week of nothing but sex and cuddles? Honeybunches, I wouldn’t trade that opportunity for all the jobs in the world!”
Logan chuckles underneath you. “We’re prepared to help you out all you need, is what he means.”
You stare at them both, trying to fight back the slight prickle behind your eyes. “You guys… would do that for me?”
“Hell yes!”
“Damn right.”
You give each of them a long, firm kiss on the mouth. “I love you two.”
Logan grins up at you as Wade wraps his arms around you. “We love you too, pup.”
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Imagine helping Crocodile discover a new way to use his devil fruit, part 2
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I've decided that I'm going to do a fic for this, instead of an imagine. I don't know about this one, but I'm posting it anyway.
Also, this an afab reader fic, sorry.
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It was late when you left Buggy's party to head home. So late, in fact, that the city had turned off most of the streetlamps. With only every third lamp lit on the main streets, one of Crocodile's brilliant budget cuts left you blindly scurrying between lamps to stay where you could see, cursing as you went. When you finally reached your street you encountered an expanse of broken streetlights leaving you with little choice, but to fumble blindly down the road, with only starlight to guide you. You paused, to give your eyes a moment to adjust and to put on your shoes, before heading off into the darkness.
Only a few steps in, you heard what sounded like sand moving. Without thinking, you called out, "hello?" Your jaw snapped shut when you realized you had just given away your position.
A deep chuckle broke the tense air, it was familiar, "It's quite late for little deers to be out, all by themselves." Suddenly, a bright ember lit up in your periphery, giving you a glance at the man in the dark. A dark cigar with a predatory grin at the other end of the ember, there was no mistaking it.
Crocodile murmured, "I've been looking for you all night."
"Why me?" You asked, taking a step back, even though you knew there was no escaping from him if he really wanted you
"I want to know what else that fucked up little head of yours can come up with." He purred. You flinch as his hand engulfed your neck. The feeling of his sand skittering along your skin made you instinctively go up on your tippy-toes to get away. Sensing your discomfort, his thumb gently caresses your cheek to soothe you. "Easy there, I'm not going to hurt you, yet." Crocodile takes a slow drag off his cigar, the ember glittering in his eyes. He was clearly enjoying the power trip he was getting off on your fear.
You swallowed the lump in your throat and started to ramble off anything you could use sand for. "Water filtration."
"Water is a no-go."
"You could use the technique I previously suggested to make glass. It would be useful for barriers against biochemical attacks, or for stopping up hinges. "
Crocodile hummed, "That would be useful, I'll have to try that later... But ultimately not the thing I'm looking for. "
"What sort of things are you implying?"
"Telling you would deprive me of the pleasure of watching you squirm, so keep trying." He said, tightening his hand around your neck, just enough to make your head spin.
You gasped, "Sand has silica in it, which is bad to breathe in. Uh... I can be used for skin!"
His grip loosened, as he echoed, "for skin?"
"It's used as an exfoliant." You stammered, trying to remain balanced.
"I recall having skinned my knee falling on the beach before I ate my devil fruit." He grumbled.
"You're supposed to add it to lotion or oil. "
"I can use lotion and oil," he chuckled, "I finally have the inspiration I needed. Thank you, little deer, why don't we go try it out." Crocodile released your neck, slid his arm around your shoulders, and guided you down the street.
"What are you doing." You asked, "Where are you taking me?"
The large man pulled you into his side, bemused by your size difference, as he asked, "did I misinterpret the way you look at me when you think I can see you?"
Your eyes flicked up to his, suddenly feeling very embarrassed because you've always taken every opportunity to ogle him in that slutty lil waistcoat of his.
He gave you a feline grin and mused, "I have not misinterpreted anything, have it. I know a hungry look when I see one. So where I'm taking you is to feast at my residence."
Sir Crocodile wasted no time bringing you to his estate, you crossed the threshold, and his grip on you slid from your shoulder to your waist. His hand groped the fat of your hip through the thin material of your shirt, as he led you to his room.
As soon as his bedroom door shut behind him, he removed his coat and gently pushed you face down on the large, plush sheets of his bed. He ordered you not to move a muscle, and you waited patiently, happily taking in the heavy scent of his sheets. You remained there for two minutes, listening to him remove his coat and shoes, he moved to another room for a minute, before coming back and setting several bottles and a large box on the nightstand.
"Up, sit up." He asserted, sliding onto the bed behind you. When you sat up on your knees, one of his large hands pulled you back into his lap. With another hoist and a gasp from you, he had you perched upon the rather prominent bulge in his pants. He had evidently removed his belt and vest well, he sat there in only a crisp button-up shirt and starched slacks.
"Now, why don't we get started with the foreplay?" He chuckled, swapping out his hook for some sort of mobility attachment that allowed him to unbutton his shirt. You leaned against his chest, and looked up at him. The black haired man grinned at the submissive look on your face, and used his now free hand to remove his hook. You watched as his nub and his hand turned into lumps of sand.
"I think the lotion would work quite nicely, don't you?" Crocodile rumbled, depositing several pumps of lotion onto the sand and rubbing them together until it was mixed evenly. The anticipation had caused an ache to grow between your legs. An ache that only grew larger when he shoved his hands under your shirt. You gasped when his fingers pushed up your breasts. The sand was cool at first, but it warmed up the rotation picked up speed.
You reached back and locked hands around the back of his neck, fingers tangling in the strands of hair there, as you arched into his touch. Crocodile let you bask in his touch for only a brief moment, before nudging your head in his direction and capturing your lips in a passionate kiss. His scent, taste, and touch filled your senses. He smelled like whiskey, smoke, honey, and a natural musk, which left you dizzy. A high-pitched sigh left you, reveling in the moment, completely missing that the noise that had left you a moment ago had made the man under you feel absolutely feral. He let you distract yourself by grinding down on him, and nipping at his lips and tongue, while he gathered more sand. He opened the lotion bottle and mixed its contents with his sand before forming several new arms.
Three large hands pried apart your legs, as two hands of swirling sand massaged the meat of your thighs and calves. Two hands gripped your hips, rocking your clothes slit over his bulge, as two more hands groped at your chest. You cried out, only for Crocodile to use a column of sand to pull you back into a kiss. While his hand, of flesh and bone, made its way between your legs.
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otomehonyaku · 2 days
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DIABOLIK LOVERS Chaos Lineage Stellaworth Special Booklet Short Stories ☽ Orange ver.・A New Menu?! Ruki’s Got His Hands Full!
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Original title: メニュー開発!?ルキがてんてこ舞い! English translation by @otomehonyaku Click here for the scans (as always, kindly provided by @karleksmumskladdkaka!)
─── ・ 。゚☆: *.☽ .* :☆゚. ───
It's been a little while since I translated a short story! This one's set in the Orange mansion in the Chaos Lineage timeline and written from Eve's─so, in a way, Yui's─perspective, before the regains her memories. It's a fun little story that contains some brotherly bickering and a LOT of innuendos (hello, yes, I'd like the soup please...) ٩(ˊᗜˋ*)و ♡ Have fun reading!
Please do not reuse or post my translations elsewhere or translate my work into other languages without my permission.
─── ・ 。゚☆: *.☽ .* :☆゚. ───
Ever since I fled from the church and found refuge in the Orange mansion, I hadn’t been granted permission to return to the guest room. Instead, I quietly sat in a chair in the living area.
Ayato unceremoniously called out to me. “You. Hurry up ‘n become mine already.”
“What? Um…”
I was taken aback by the redhead’s sudden remark and found myself unable to reply right away. The small pause inadvertently gave his two brothers the time to say their piece as well.
“Become Ayato’s? Stop this nonsense. This girl will be mine. I’m sure that’s what will make her happiest as well. Isn’t that right?” 
“Ha. I told you—she doesn’t belong to either of you. Better not misunderstand, Ayato. Kanato. We brought Eve here to help Brother become the Demon King, y’know.”
“You with your ‘Brother this, Brother that.’ Shut the fuck up already.”
The three clearly had no intention to consider my opinion on the matter, and their bickering only intensified. I felt myself becoming nervous. It looked like they might even start punching one another if they kept going like this. 
That was when the living room door quietly opened.
Ruki let out an exasperated sigh. “Don’t tell me you’re fighting again.” 
Again? The eldest made it sound like his brothers had pestered him with similar fights before, many times over. 
“It’s been days since we acquired Eve, and yet you’re still being hostile towards one another.”
“What does it matter? That has nothing to do with you, Ruki.”
“Sorry, Brother. I’ve been trying to tell them the same thing. It seems both of them still think Eve is theirs.”
“You’re the delusional ones for assuming Eve belongs to Ruki. This chick belongs to Yours Truly. I won’t hand her over to anyone.”
“Enough. Remember that we’ve acquired Eve and that we’re on track to becoming King. If we don’t work together, our enemies will take it as an opening to steal Eve from us, and all our efforts will be for naught.” Ruki seemed worried about his brothers’ willingness to cooperate—that, if the brothers kept quarrelling amongst themselves, the enemy might come to steal me away. 
A sense of restlessness lingered in the air after Ruki spoke. I cast my eyes downwards. The prospect of being at the centre of such a violent dispute left me feeling melancholic. 
“I’m not telling you to get along. But I am telling you to reduce the friction at least a little. I urge you, as my younger brothers, to do what I say.”
“That’s my line! You’re getting in Yours Truly’s way.”
“I don’t like this either. This is ridiculous.”
“That’s exactly the reaction I expected from you. So, let me propose something as a countermeasure: a cooking contest.”
“...Huh?” 
Ayato was speechless. And it wasn’t just Ayato: Kanato and Shin were looking at Ruki with equal suspicion. Even I stared at him, wondering why on Earth he would suggest something so strange. Ruki wanted his brothers to work together to come up with new dishes, apparently.
“It’s the perfect solution to work on your team spirit. Besides, you’ll join forces to expand our repertoire of things to eat for dinner. Don’t you think it’s a good idea?” Ruki said, his facial expression exuding confidence. 
After turning it over in my head for a moment, I supposed that… it might work?
“Got it. If you want us to, Brother, then I’ll do it. I’ll help you.”
“Great. Ayato, Kanato—I expect you to help, too, of course.”
“Like hell I would. Why’s Yours Truly gotta do it?”
“I agree. I have no desire to participate in such ridiculous activities. Whoever else wants to participate can go ahead.”
Shin’s immediate agreement stood in stark contrast with the reactions of his younger brothers, who were quick to complain. Ruki stressed that it would have no meaning this way, and proposed his plan on different terms. 
“...There’s no helping it. I’ll let you compile our new menu, then. You may suggest whatever dishes you’d like to eat. We’ll add whatever is picked to our regular dinner menu from now on.”
This idea clearly made Ayato and Kanato more willing to cooperate. The atmosphere in the room immediately became much lighter, and the brothers became a little restless as they thought about what foods they wanted to eat. 
It was decided that I would be the fair judge to taste each dish. I was happy to be afforded a role in Ruki’s plan as well—with my spirits lifted a little already, I joined the others’ conversation.
─── ・ 。゚☆: *.☽ .* :☆゚. ───
A few hours later…
“What? Why’d only this part turn green? …Ugh, smells fuckin’ rancid!”
“Don’t you think it’s lacking sweetness? Oh, well. I’ll share some of my cream with you, then.”
“Hey! Don’t mess with my cooking! Puttin’ cream in there’s no joke!”
I stayed in the living room while Ruki and the others were in the kitchen preparing their dishes for me to try. Things seemed to be progressing smoothly: Ruki seemed to be the one doing most of the cooking, but I could hear the relatively friendly conversation between the brothers all the way from the living room.
“Stop it, Kanato. We won’t get anywhere if you waste this much food. That’s why I told you not to add any more.”
“Kanato! Stop meddling in other people’s business and concentrate on your own cooking. Or, actually, your… cooking looks more like a mass of sugar.”
“Yes, of course. I suppose I should finish my dish. I’ll just have to add one more thing to finish it off…”
“Hold on, are you serious? Covering chocolate in more chocolate is ridiculous. What’re you even doing?”
While it was good that the brothers were engaging in lively conversation with one another, I still felt anxious after hearing that exchange. I was the one who’s supposed to taste-testing everything, after all. I contemplated going to the kitchen to help them before things went downhill, but they’d actually finished already—the four brothers came back into the living room, each carrying the dish they’d prepared.
“Ah, have you already finished cooking?”
“Yes, indeed. It seems like you’ve been waiting here in the living room like the good girl you are.”
“All of the sample dishes are here. Let’s start the taste test, shall we?”
“Right. So, which one should I try first?”
“Yours Truly’s should be first, of course!” Ayato said before setting down a huge plate on the table in front of me with a loud clang. “I’m calling this ‘Yours Truly’s Specially Made Super-Gigantic Takoyaki’! Be grateful ‘n eat up!”
“Wow! It’s so big! It’s bigger than my face, even.”
“Right? Bigger’s always better. It’s not very round, though. It’s lumpy. It probably kinda fucks with the taste.”
“You made me prepare it, so keep your complaints to yourself. Besides, it’s your fault for constantly butting in while I was cooking.” As there was no dedicated pan large enough to make takoyaki this big, it seemed that Ruki had used a single-handed frying pan to shape it somehow, and that’s likely why it looked a little sunken and uneven. 
According to Ayato, there wasn’t just octopus, but various other fillings in it as well—he himself didn’t quite seem to know for sure, either.
“A-Ayato, this is…”
“What’re you doin’?! Hurry up and eat it!” Ayato yelled when he saw my reluctance to take a bite. Even then, I couldn’t quite work up the courage to dig in. 
The redhead lost his patience and grabbed my chin with one hand. Then, he brought a spoon to my mouth with his other hand, ready to force-feed me. 
“Geez, it can’t be helped. C’mon, I’ll feed you. Hurry up ‘n open wide.”
“W-wait! Ah—Mm…!”
The spoon quickly came my way, holding a chunk of the giant takoyaki. I had no time to protest before the spoon was thrust into my mouth.
“Hehe, you’re gettin’ teary-eyed. That’s not such a bad sight, is it? Hey! No slackin’ off. Keep eatin’. I wanna watch your face while you struggle even more.”
“Ayato! At least do it gently… Mm!”
With enough force to make me choke, the spoon was mercilessly rammed deep into my mouth again. Even if I wanted to run, I couldn’t—Ayato had a tight grip on my chin. I had no choice but to eat the takoyaki that I was given. A cruel smile played on Ayato’s face as he watched me struggle.
“Ugh, mm… Ha...”
I somehow managed to swallow what was in my mouth. I didn’t risk asking what exactly I’d been eating so far to avoid ruining the experience—mostly because it had actually been quite tasty.
“This is so good, Ayato!”
“I know, right? Though it’s only natural, since I cooked all this up!”
Ayato seemed satisfied with my response. His chest swelled with pride, confident that his dish was going to win tonight.
“Eat mine next, please. I’ve made something much more delicious than Ayato’s takoyaki.” 
Unsurprisingly, Kanato had prepared a dessert. The base was a parfait, loaded with pudding, crêpes, cake, and ice cream on top, and covered in an unholy amount of chocolate. It looked almost sickeningly sweet.
“It looks delicious, but… It seems very sweet, doesn’t it?”
“But really, I’m gettin’ heartburn just by looking at it. You might as well call anything a dish if you load it with enough sweet stuff.”
“You’re hopelessly tasteless, Shin. This is obviously incredibly delicious.” As he spoke, Kanato stared at the sweets as though he were spellbound. “Ah… It doesn’t get any better than this. I’d love this to be added to the menu so that Ruki will prepare it for me every day.”
After having stared at his parfait for a while, Kanato picked up a spoon. 
“Since you’re nothing but a doll, you must be bad at feeding yourself, right? Just for today, I’ll feed you. Please be grateful.”
“It’s alright, Kanato. I can eat by myself… Mm!” 
I tried to move away, but Kanato forcefully grabbed my wrist to keep me in place and thrust a loaded spoon at me. Once again, food was forced into my mouth. I tried my best to chew and swallow each bite, but I couldn’t keep up with the speed with which Kanato was feeding me. Just when I thought I couldn’t take any more, Kanato’s hand stilled.
“Oh, you have some cream on your face.”
“Ah!”
Kanato put down the spoon and his tongue darted out when he moved in, licking the cream off my cheek. My heartbeat jumped a little at the sensation. 
“Hehe… Very sweet. My cooking is the most delicious after all, isn’t it?” he asked expectantly, slowly leaning in further as he spoke. 
The strange atmosphere made me increasingly uncomfortable. Still, though… Kanato’s dish was particularly sweet but no less delicious—like he had said—and so I honestly shared my opinion.
“Right? I see you’re able to tell how great my cooking is. It’s quite admirable.”
Kanato left my side, clearly pleased with my answer.
“It’s my turn, then!”
Shin moved in and placed a small plate in front of me.
“...? Shin, what’s this brown, cream-like stuff?”
“It’s peanut butter. Can’t you tell?”
“The hell? How much of an idiot do you gotta be to consider that a dish?” Ayato sneered at Shin, clearly making fun of him.
“Hehe. Who’s the real idiot here? You know fuck-all about cooking,” Shin replied. Then, he went on to expertly spread the peanut butter on a piece of bread. “This peanut butter goes well with a lot of different kinds of cooking. It’s a great all-purpose condiment for bringing out the flavour of stuff like bread and cakes. I’d like you to use it in many different dishes.”
“I object. Won’t everything just start tasting like peanuts?”
“Right, right! My takoyaki’d taste like peanuts!”
“Ha! You can yap all you want, but it won’t matter. Eve’s the one who has to like it. So, here you go.”
I reached out to take the bread he held out to me, but Shin seized my hand in mid air. He pulled me in close with a sharp tug. 
“I’ll feed you.”
“Um… I already said it just now, but I can eat by myself, you know?”
“Just be good and eat. C’mon.”
My lips parted when the bread touched my mouth, and when I took a bite, the sweet flavour of the peanut butter (1) spread across my tongue.
“Good, isn’t it? Make sure to savour the taste.”
Contrary to Ayato and Kanato, Shin slowed his movements to match my eating speed and held the bread to my mouth for me to take bites. The peanut butter went well with the bread. It was really good.
“Hehe. You kinda look like a greedy little pet dog eating from your owner’s hand right now.”
I tried to argue that no, I wasn’t a dog, but I kept getting interrupted by Shin holding the bread to my mouth. Before long, I’d already swallowed the last bite.
“Thank you, Shin. It was delicious!”
“I told you! If you pick my peanut butter, you’ll be able to eat it whenever you like, so… You know what to do, right?” Shin’s mouth curved into a smile, but the smile didn’t reach his eyes.
There was clearly no safe way to answer that question. I forced a wavering smile in response.
“Well, then. Lastly, it’s my turn.” Ruki put his dish in front of me with more confidence than all his brothers before him.
“Is this… soup?”
The soup in front of me looked to contain a well-balanced mix of vegetables, meat, and beans, giving it a delicious-looking golden colour. However, it looked no different than what Ruki usually made for dinner.
“Soup? How boring. Couldn’t you come up with something else? This is not even a close contender compared to my dish.”
“Just take a sip and you’ll know. Eve, please turn your face my way.” 
Ruki took a spoonful of the soup and carefully raised it to my lips. 
“Drink it. It’s a rather fine soup to give to livestock, but I suppose I should feed you something nice every once in a while.”
I felt myself becoming curious how it tasted, too, considering Ruki was brimming with confidence. Still, it was a little embarrassing to have him feed it to me, so I tried to tell him I’d like to drink it by myself.
“No, drink it like this. You wouldn’t want to trouble your master, would you? Or… would you rather have me feed it to you mouth-to-mouth?”
He looked like he would seriously do it if I didn’t go along with him. Finding myself unable to resist, I obediently opened my mouth.
“Yes, that’s it. Savour it.”
Ruki slid the spoon between my lips. I tried to swallow it neatly, but my nerves got the better of me. A small drop of soup dribbled from my lower lip.
“Mm. Ah…”
“You spilled some of the soup. Good grief, what ill-mannered livestock you are.”
With a stroke of his thumb, Ruki wiped the soup from my lip. My face flushed.
“What’s that face for, staring at me like that? Was that not enough to satisfy you?”
Not wanting to go through something so embarrassing another time, I desperately shook my head. Still, Ruki’s soup tasted amazing. It may have looked no different from what he usually cooked, but I wondered if this was some kind of secret recipe of his. 
I couldn’t hold back my curiosity and asked him what was in the soup.
“It’s a secret. I’m not so kind a master as to teach you my recipe, Livestock,” Ruki said, dodging my question, and traced his thumb over my lips again.
─── ・ 。゚☆: *.☽ .* :☆゚. ───
With all four dishes taste-tested, the cooking contest was over. Now, I had to choose which one I liked the most.
“It can’t be anything other than Yours Truly’s giant takoyaki, right?”
“That’s unthinkable. My dessert was clearly the most delicious.”
“Nah, you’re choosing my peanut butter that goes with any dish, right?”
“Judging from your reaction, Livestock, the answer is clear as day. My soup wins.”
Whatever I picked would be added to our dinner menu from now on, and everyone was passionately advocating for their respective dishes. 
I recalled the flavours of the dishes I’d tasted tonight. After a moment of deliberation, I opened my mouth to speak.
“All four dishes were delicious, so how about adding all four of them to the menu?”
My proposal made the room fall silent for a moment.
“Seriously? It’s a competition! You gotta pick a winner. There’s no way in hell I’m agreein’ to this!”
“What a fool you are. We’ve told you many times over that you can only pick one winner.”
“Besides, aren’t you trying to wriggle your way outta this by giving such a diplomatic answer?”
“That seems likely. Or did Livestock perhaps not understand the meaning of this from the beginning?”
After Ayato first broke the silence, the brothers aimed their discontent at me one after the other. Still, I stood my ground and once again explained to them that I’d truly enjoyed all four dishes. Even though it might put even more strain on Ruki, I insisted that we should add all dishes to the menu since everyone had put in so much effort. 
Ruki contemplated the idea for a little while before letting out a small sigh and agreeing with me. “...If that is Eve’s verdict, so be it. Let’s add all dishes to the menu from now on.”
“The fuck’re you sayin’?! I can’t accept this unless I’m crowned the winner.”
“B-but Ayato, if you kindly ask Ruki, he might make that gigantic takoyaki for you every day, you know?”
“...Heh, that’s true. Well, I’m just gonna make Ruki do it, then!”
“Hold on, please! If that’s the case, then I’d rather he make my parfait every day instead! I won’t lose to an inferior dish like takoyaki!” 
“I won’t put up with having either of your dishes every day. This peanut butter goes with anything, so you’d better use it every day, Brother.”
In the end, the brothers got into a heated argument about whose dish we should eat for the days to come. Even though this contest was intended to foster a cooperative spirit among his brothers, Ruki held his head in his hands as he watched them fight over the results.
Nevertheless, I found myself thinking that I couldn’t imagine this family any other way.
─── ・ 。゚☆: *.☽ .* :☆゚. ───
Look, I’m not trying to ignite a discussion but… is peanut butter really sweet? It’s considered more of a savoury thing where I live (or at least it rarely—if ever—contains sugar), though I do suppose it’s versatile in that it goes well with both sweet and savoury things. 
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pelideswhore · 3 days
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If the apple of discord was thrown down at the wedding feast of Peleus and Thetis, how did Achilles, their son, fight in the Trojan war? The timeline does not make sense to me unless you just chalk that up to the timing of the Eternal, Deathless Gods but mortals are involved. Like Paris is presumably asked right after the wedding to judge who gets the apple then he picks Aphrodite who has promised him the most beautiful woman. Does she like wait to find out who that is and that causes the delay? The story seems to go that she promises Helen, they kidnap Helen and then the war begins so like that’s a year tops in my mind but how would that give Achilles time to become the teenager he is in the war? Please help. If there is a definitive answer excellent but I also just want theories.
i really love love love this question, cus i’ve thought about it a lot, especially because i consider Paris and Achilles to be around the same age, which, as you said, would make no sense.
sadly, i don’t have a definitive answer, but i do have a theory. it’s quite long though so buckle up.
As you probably know, Aphrodite, Hera and Athena asked Zeus to solve the issue before resorting to Paris. Zeus couldn’t answer and by the timeline of the Gods, many mortal years had passed so Paris would have been born, sent away from the palace and had enough time to grow up at this point. Ares suggests him, the goddesses ask and Paris gets bribed. But he doesn’t take Helen straight away, because he’s still a goatherd at this point.
Before I finish with that, let’s get back to Achilles. One would probably assume that within the first year of Thetis’ and Peleus’ marriage, he was already born, but that’s actually not true. The couple had six sons before Achilles, but they all passed away somehow (which, i like to think, is the reason Thetis is so protective). That means, even if they all died on Day 1 of their life and Thetis conceived the very same day: 9 months x 6 = 54 months aka. 4,5 years. That’s at least 4 and a half years before Achilles was born, but I think I can safely assume it took a little longer. Let’s say 6 years (which btw is still unrealistic and would probably be horrible for Thetis’ health but I digress).
So now, Achilles is born, stuff happens: Achilles meets Phoenix and Patroclus, he gets sent to Chiron, and eventually Scyros etc. Let’s say he’s 17 when that happens. Still a teen, but old enough to get Deidamia pregnant. Realistically, Thetis would only send him away when the threat of the war is imminent, so Helen’s kidnapping happens when Achilles is 17. I tend to say Helen was around 24, Paris was maybe 21. I believe however that the Judgement of Paris happened a couple years before.
Because, consider, Paris picks Aphrodite as a goatherd, but he kidnaps Helen as a prince. So somewhere in between, Cassandra must've found him and brought him back. He then had to get used to royal life, but, more importantly, all the ships had to be ready to go to Sparta. It could've happened in a couple of days, but a couple of years isn't unrealistic either, and it fits the timeline better.
It's a bit all over the place, so here's summary:
0 years: Peleus' and Thetis' wedding, Golden Apple incident (Paris/Achilles not born)
2 years: Paris is born and abandoned.
6 years: Achilles is born.
19 years: The Judgement of Paris happens, Paris is still a goatherd.
23 years: Paris kidnaps Helen, start of the war, Achilles is aged 17
The only time ‘divine timing’ really plays a role is between the wedding the Judgement of Paris. In divine timing 19 years is nothing, just enough time for Zeus and Ares to get involved. Paris would’ve probably already held one or two bullfights at the age of 17 when he is chosen to judge between the goddesses and from then on everything runs pretty smoothly, bearing in mind the 4 years between Aphrodite promising Helen to him and Paris actually kidnapping Helen.
sorry it took so long to post this, had to get my thoughts in check then type it up :D
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kimsokol · 2 days
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TIME FOR AN UPDATED COMMISSIONS POST! Pricing full and half-body illustrations can now vary based on complexity. (By 'complexity' I usually mean 'video game armor', as I've noticed those tend to take twice as long as I otherwise budget time for. Overly detailed armor, a complicated weapon, things of that nature.)
Also as of today, Weds Sept 18, MY QUEUE IS EMPTY AND I HAVE SOME TIME BETWEEN JOBS! Work with hard printing deadlines comes first so sometimes these can take a while; if you get in touch now you'll see a much quicker turnaround than usual. :)
If you want something more complicated than above:
These are my terms for character commissions specifically. If you're looking for a scene with a background, prices will rise pretty quickly, as putting together a whole illustration is a different process! Also, these are for personal use only, not for publication; I'm a full-time illustrator, though, and always looking for professional work! Get in touch!
Availability & Timing:
I don’t have a slot system and usually don’t open and close commissions (unless I get REALLY busy) but I’m a full-time illustrator so if you contact me when I’m booked up, there may be a delay.  I can let you know and get back to you when I’m available.
I do commissions in between my professional illustration work, so no promises on timing generally; if you have a deadline such as for a gift, let me know, and we can work something out.
Will Draw:
Human and humanoid OCs - fantasy, sci-fi, historical, etc
Portraits of real people - ONLY with hi resolution, well-lit reference; commission may be turned down if reference provided is not enough for a good painting.
Won't Draw:
Furries/anthro (just bad at animal heads!)
NSFW
How To Get One:
Contact me via email (kim at kimsokol dot com) to let me know roughly what you’re looking for, and I’ll let you know if I can take it.  You don’t need to send a long description with reference in initial contact, but at least give me a general sense of what you want. If you DO have easily available reference, such as a screenshot of a game character or prior commissions, I can let you know where it falls on the pricing scale
Once I accept, I'll send you a form to get your character information and make sure we're both clear on terms
Send payment via Paypal, and I’ll get going on your rough!
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demodraws0606 · 2 days
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Okay so I have made a really bad post trying to descredit Eden taking the tape as something super important so I'm just gonna drop the actual post I was preparing instead of trying to catch Eden!Culprit theories with a half baked post.
The main issue I'm having with Eden!Culprit theories right now is mostly because of stubborness that since Eden took the tape then she HAS to have done it even though if she was the culprit it would make 0 sense as to why she wouldn't just take the tape after Teruko and Ace left the room ? Like someone could've easily told her to take the tape, it's not that hard and it just makes more sense with the other evidence layed out for us.
The main reason I accepted Eden as the culprit before is because there were no possible culprits since Levi was pretty much confirmed innocent and there was still a likelyhood of Eden working for someone. However, this pretty much now rendered null and void. I swear all of this makes it sound like I have some grudge against this theory but I really need to put this subject to rest before the answer is probably revealed to us on friday. I want to make sure this theory is dead in the ground even if it's just for me personally, because it just has too many holes for me.
Also sorry if this seems mainly just a repeat of stuff I've already said, I'm not really good at structuring my posts :')
I've seen the argument that Arei actually wasn't knocked out with the turpentine because why would they bind her wrist then. However, we know she had to have been knocked because there is no struggle shown, either on her body or the floor of the playground. Weither she was suffocated or knocked out, the tape was still used on her wrist so this can't be something to be used against the idea of turpentine knocking her out. This means there is high likelyhood that it was used because it would make no sense for the culprit to just suffocate Arei before killing her (and again suffocating would show more signs of struggle than what we see on the crime scene).
There's also no other items that Arei could've been suffocated with other than the rope which would've left marks, the ball of starch clearly is stuck together most likely by turpentine which means it would've been used to knock out someone.
This would mean the culprit had to have used the turpentine to knock out Arei as well, meaning the culprit had to have gotten their hands on the turpentine.
I also refuse the idea of Eden trying to kill Ace, not only because I just find it ridiculous from a character standpoint but mainly because we know it was Hu's murder weapon that was used against Ace (the wire) considering there is no evidence of any other wire existing in this killing game that would be sharp enough to slice someone's throat. Hu's wire is part of the weapons which is evidence alone that it would be sharp enough to harm Ace bc otherwise what purpose does a wire serve. I don't believe for a second that Hu would just have her weapon lying around for anyone to yoink, unlike the turpentine which we know had to have been used by Nico and Rose when they were painting together.
In fact the story has made it clear how complicated taking someone weapon's is by having Arei's weapon only being available after she discarded it. The same can be said of the turpentine which was used out in the open and would make it easy to take with Rose's absent mindedness. If taking someone's weapon was just as easy as that, they wouldn't have given us the scene of Arei throwing out her rope like that in the first place.
Eden also has no reason to want to replicate Ace's murder onto Arei, there's basically no logical motivation behind that. In fact the progression between Ace's attempted and Arei's succesful murder proves alone that it's the same culprit (if the turpentine's existence wasn't enough). We can see the progression of the culprit trying to avoid the same mistakes they committed with Ace's failed murder (trying to snap Arei's neck to avoid the possibility of her getting saved last minute like Ace, bounding her hands potentially to make her more stable to lift upwards).
We don't even know if she figured out how the murder even worked considering it was completely undone when Teruko and Eden saw it.
Even the timing of when Eden knew about the clothing is off. We know the ball of clothing is probably sticky due to the turpentine because there is no other leads to explain why this ball of clothing is even a thing in this murder case. Turpentine is both clear and sticky, which would explain how the ball of clothing is both clear of stains and sticking together like that. Considering also that we know for a fact Ace was knocked out, and I don't think the culprit straight just shoved a jar of turpentine on his face, they most likely used some sort of tissue to smother them with (meaning it couldn't have been used to asphexiate Arei). This means the ball of clothes was used in Ace's attempted murder.
Eden only knew about the clothing change from Hu, we can only assume the same day that Ace's was murdered and probably not long before the attempt. This both clears Eden going to the changing room as the ""ball of starch"" was most likely already created before that, the only arguemnt it could be used for is that she was trying to retrieve it but it barely makes sense.
In terms of the timing of when Eden knew about the clothes and Ace's murder, if Hu only told her the same night that Ace was almost murdered it makes the timing insanely more difficult to justify. Unlike Hu who would have the pieces ready way more in advance.
All of these contradictions cannot be debunked by saying "well Eden took the tape", as it could easily be explained by the culprit asking her to take the tape from the gym or her just taking it without purpose and then the culprit getting their hands on it later.
The Eden!Culprit theory is barely hanging onto one piece of shakey evidence that can easily be broken by one justification.
If Nico can't be the culprit despite having the turpentine (well I don't think they do but 99 pourcent of Eden!culprit theories rely on Eden not really committing the attempted murder of Ace) then Eden doesn't have to be the culprit taking the tape.
The only way you can argue Eden is the culprit is if she tried to kill Ace, however this is impossible because of Hu's weapon. This is basically the summary of my main issue with the whole Eden!Culprit theory.
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Hello everyone! I'm getting a start early, by queueing this post for tomorrow morning, look at me go. Thank you who much to @tailsbeth-writes for the tag <3 I have ... 3 wips again, because I have no self control, so we're doing all of this under the cut, because it's gonna be long, and maybe a lil nsfw <3 LET'S GOOOOOOOO.
------ George Villier's inner dialogue during an Orgy (that's the working title on this, please bare with)
It wasn’t that George had always been this way, but an ascension into power had nurtured his hedonism prone nature. If he was to be blessed with the gift of beauty, he would take all the power and pleasure that came with it. He’d earned it after all, his bed of lovers, his social standing, influence, and wealth. Each a result of unsavory acts; but that made them so much more deserved, did it not? He could have anything he wanted, like a god among men, and so he should be worshipped the same. Though he was more than content with devotion in the form of flesh; he’d certainly used his own body as currency often enough. Even now, anything that wasn’t handed to him willingly, with a brush of lips, or a clandestine slip to knees, could become his. That in itself was testament to all he’d done, that his willing submission was as effective a bargaining tool as his power.
WATERSPORTS FIRSTPRINCE (aka, Alex is funny and Henry has a weak bladder)
“You… think it’s- what?” Henry choked out, “You think it’s hot that I pissed myself in the middle of our kitchen? Is that your idea of a joke?” “I-” the brunette could feel his own cheeks heating up now, “It’s not a joke, I do, I’m sorry, but I do,” he managed after a moment. “Oh,” the blond’s eyes shot straight down to the shorts Alex had on, falling on the visible hardness there, “Oh,” he repeated, but with much more understanding this time. There were still tears sparkling in the corners of his eyes, threatening to fall, but he was visibly less mortified, “Alex, that is so disgusting...” “I know, shit baby, I’m s-” “I can get into it.” “What?” “I said, I can get into it,” Henry repeated, “Well, honestly, I could probably get into anything that makes your cock hard, because- well frankly I reap the benefits of that. Would you like to fuck my throat?”
AND A NEW WIP, Hairstylist Henry and his least (read as favorite) Client Alex
“Alright, tilt your head back,” both of Henry’s hands rested on Alex’s temples, carefully moving the other man’s head into the perfect place, “Do you want me to stop under the jawline?” “Whatever you think looks best, sweetheart.” Normally, Henry would hate that, some businessman using a pet name on him. But usually it felt demeaning, when Alex did it, it felt genuine, perhaps that was why he didn't mind it. He would rather accept that than admit it might have something to do with how hot his cheeks felt or how his stomach flip flopped. Instead, he chose to focus on something else, like the familiar but luxurious scent becoming more evident the closer he was to Alex. “Santal 33?” the blond asked, running the trimmers over the other man’s jawline, making careful precise lines that would accentuate the sharp angles there. “Yeah,” impressively, Alex had answered that without much movement of his face; Henry was astonished. “Makes sense.” “What is that supposed to mean?” this time, the brunette moved, but he did have the mind to wait until Henry was running the trimers along his throat with less chance of Alex’s jolt messing up something. “It means you look like someone who has good taste, don’t move.” “You’re worse than a dentist,” Alex grumbled. “Stop moving, christ you’re an absolute menace, I’m going to slice your throat open.” “With an electric trimmer?” “I’m certain if I make enough effort, I just may be able to pull it off,” Henry snapped.
OKAY, that was a long one, if you stuck around thank u I love u. TAG LINE UP!!!!
@taste-thewaste @eusuntgratie @henrysfox @thighzp
@softboynick @catdadacd @sheepywritesfics @henryspearl
@basil-bird @caressthosecheekbones @henfox @onthewaytosomewhere + literally anyone else I'm sleepy and forgot, or anyone who sees this and wants to tag me, I love reading yall's stuff. <3
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kinkyrafe · 3 days
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sub!rafe kinktober prompts
hello my loves,
I know the sub!rafe fandom is pretty small but nevertheless a couple of people were interested in a sub!rafe kinktober, so let's do it! I know this is super spontaneous and there's not much time to prepare now but even if we get only a couple of drabbles, headcanons, moodboards or digital art posts here and there I'd totally consider this a win. use whatever prompt you like, join in at whatever day you like and tag your work #sub!rafekinktober -- I'd be super happy if you tagged me as well so I can repost your work even if it doesn't show up in the tag.
the prompts
Oct. 01: "Your body wants it, even if you say otherwise." Oct. 02: "You don’t get to decide when it ends. That’s my job." Oct. 03: "Show me how obedient you can be." Oct. 04: "Tied up and nowhere to go just how I like you." Oct. 05: "Does that feel good?" Oct. 06: "You're not in charge here, no matter how much you want to be." Oct. 07: "I really need to get out of my head." Oct. 08: "Are you sure you want to challenge me when I literally have all the control over you?" Oct. 09: "This is impossible." Oct. 10: "You’re not getting free until I’m satisfied." Oct. 11: "I've done worse to you before, come on." Oct. 12: "Be good and spread your legs." Oct. 13: "I can feel how badly you want it, but that doesn’t mean I’ll give in." Oct. 14: "There you go, baby." Oct. 15: "Ready to beg for me?" Oct. 16: "Is that what I think it is?" Oct. 17: "Sit still or I'll stop." Oct. 18: "Every time you listen, you make me proud." Oct. 19: "How does this position feel?" Oct. 20: "You’re trembling. Is it from fear, or from wanting more?" Oct. 21: "I could also distract you from work." Oct. 22: "It's an order!" Oct. 23: "You gotta work for every single orgasm." Oct. 24: "No hiding." Oct. 25: "Let go. Let me take care of everything." Oct. 26: "You’re perfect for me." Oct. 27: "You did so well today." Oct. 28: "Now where’s the fun in that?" Oct. 29: "Hands behind your back." Oct. 30: "How are you so good at this?" Oct. 31: "Make the most of it."
I love quote prompts and I really hope you do, too. I briefly considered providing scenario / activity prompts but even (or especially) within the BDSM community, the kinks are so diverse that some kinks would have been left out and at the same time, I myself just don't want to write certain kinks -- if that makes sense. with the quote prompts everyone can choose the kink and the scenario for themselves.
enough with the rambling. one more disclaimer: you'll probably see me violate my own schedule. I'm pretty sure I won't be able to write 31 drabbles. I'm currently aiming to upload every second day of October, starting on the 2nd (lame, I know). however, to make up for it, I'll try and use two quote prompts in one drabble.
alright. I hope you'll enjoy this -- I sure as hell will.
let's ruin this b**** (with love).
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happy kink season, my loves!
xx bab
_______
@yagirlwrites @audzss
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heathermason6060 · 2 days
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Daryl Dixon x f!Reader: Together Apart Ch. 6
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(Hes sitting next to you in this pic :D)
Warnings/Mentions: History of abuse, neglect, strong language, mentions of character death, alcohol and drug abuse, ptsd, shared trauma, reader is cold, angst, fluff, eventual smut, slowburn, angst, SMUT Summary: You search for Daryl after Negan's lineup. You didn't understand the trauma he went through, and eventually you decide enough is enough, and you leave. Notes: The last chapter! Somewhat proofread. Filled with tensions overflowing and then some sex. I had a lot of fun writing this and want to thank @louifaith again for allowing me to write out her idea. It's also pretty long because I didn't want to break it into two chapters, it didn't really make sense that way. Longish read, but longish smut at the end if you're just here for sex and want to skip ahead.
When you found out he left on some halfcocked revenge mission, you were pissed. And then you learned nearly everyone else had gone too, you were pissed and confused. 
The rare presence of the others had become more common than the familiar presence of Daryl. He was gone more often than not now, either out with Aaron or off with Rick. Even when he was home, he was never really there. He didn't laugh at your crude insults about others anymore, he didn't want to spend all day with you out hunting in the woods. It looked like was also making an effort to smoke less, often declining your outstretched cigarette. He was the one who got you to smoke once. You used to hate it, but eventually associated the smell of tobacco with him, and you grew to love it.
You couldn't read him like a book like you once did. He'd become overly serious, distant, and uncharacteristically concerned with the well-being of others. 
You had half a mind to just leave. The only reason you hadn't left months ago was Daryl, but the way he was treating you felt like a slap in the face. It hurt. For the first time in so long you hurt. You felt utterly and completely alone, leading you to once again close yourself off from the others, spending all your time hunting or scavenging for substances in the city that could make you feel better. You scored an unopened bottle of painkillers, something you once hated, and drowned your sorrows with a stuffed nose and a foul post nasal drip. 
The savior issue never really seemed like a big deal to you when it first arose. Some asshole raiders trying to make a point, you didn't give a shit. Rick and Daryl would handle it like they always did. 
You took a deep drag from your cigarette as you watched the front gates being opened, two heavy duffle bags over each of your shoulders. You’d come to terms with it, you were leaving, and that was it. You weren't some obedient housewife that didn’t mind the absence of Daryl, you were his best friend and you couldn’t put up with the dramatic emotions anymore. You were fully prepared for the conversations that would ensue, a list of reasons you should stay, maybe some light pleading, so when you saw what came from those gates you froze. 
The muscles in your jaw throbbed as you listened to Rick's pitiful attempt at retelling you what happened, his eyes red and puffy, his hair wet and matted to his forehead. He couldn't, so he gave up, and drug his feet into the house, moving in a way that closely resembled the dead. Carl followed, and you realized Maggie was missing too. Your heart dropped. 
“What the fuck is wrong with him? What happened?” You gaped, looking from face to face, searching desperately for an answer, only to be met with the ghosts of their former selves. You spotted Aaron and realized he was almost never out without Daryl, and your confusion snapped violently to panic. Michonne was really the only one who wasn't too shocked to speak. She told you everything in great detail, her words cold and harsh as she made her anger towards your insensitive behavior well known. Each word she spoke felt like a curse, spitting at you with such venom you'd never had directed towards you before. You deserved it. 
You weren't a good person like them. The deaths of Glenn and Abraham didn't make you cry, go through all the stages of grief and have a mental crisis, in the moment she told you they just felt like problems you’d deal with later, you didn’t have the time. Not when you still had no idea where Daryl was. 
Despite not being a good person, you reacted to the news in a way that was very impressive by your standards. You didn't scream at anyone, or punch Gabriel in the face, you just threw your already packed bags in the car and set off. 
You chain-smoked an entire pack of cigarettes the first hour of searching. You never did find the saviors home, even though you didn't stop searching to sleep the first few days. You found the location of the massacre, a few shredded pieces of clothing and blood stained dirt. You were brought to furious tears at the thought of the scenario where you were in Daryl's position, and him yours. Your first assumption was that he would've already tracked you down by then, him and his one man army breaking you out and taking you far away from the entire state. Then the second, and more daunting assumption, would he even look? Would he be too busy taking care of Rick and the others, the task of rescuing you put on a back burner? 
You told yourself maybe you were just impulsive and stupid, maybe Daryl in that scenario was just being smart and careful, you were just a guns blazing idiot who didn't think far into the future. 
It felt like you'd been out there for weeks, living off a diet of cigarettes and various illegal substances. You nearly stuck a knife in the face of  a woman who was unlucky enough to walk into the same store you were in. 
“No, please, don't.” She sniveled pathetically, her hands raised to the sides of her head in surrender. “I don't have anything. Please. I can take you to my camp, we've got food and water and medicine-”
“Dude, shut up. Just thought you were a walker. Goddamn.” You sheathed your knife and stood back, the tip of your tongue held between your teeth in thought. “But I'm hungry as fuck!”
She took you back to her camp, which was extremely impressive. And just in time, too, your stomach growled noisily and you felt the small waves of hunger nausea begin. 
“Put your gun away, please.” She pleaded in a hush whisper as you stood in front of the wooden gates. 
You looked to her with furrowed eyebrows, your cheeks hollowed out as you pulled on your twentieth cigarette that day. You really needed to cut back. “No.” You muttered around the cigarette, eventually sighing and slinging your rifle over your shoulder with a dramatic eye roll. 
The sight of Rick and Maggie chatting outside with a small group of others felt like you'd been slapped in the face. They looked just as stunned as you were, pausing their conversation. You stood there for about ten solid seconds before the silence finally broke. 
Rick opened his mouth to speak but you raised your hand, stopping him. “Don't have time. Just gonna eat and leave.” 
“Daryl's here.” The sound of Maggie's harsh voice halted your route to the front of the mansion. You couldn't hide the look on your face, an intense ‘this better not be a lie’ mix of anger and disbelief. She pointed up to your previous destination with raised eyebrows and you took off. 
He almost punched you in the face when you jumped him. He was still wet from a shower, littered in various sized bandages and bruises, wearing a fresh set of clothes. He smelled like laundry detergent and cheap flowery shampoos. 
“Holy shit I thought they killed you. Holy shit. Mother fucker.” You babbled into his chest as he squeezed you so hard your back cracked. 
It felt indescribable being in his arms again. It also felt incredibly different. You'd hugged him hundreds of times but something about this particular hug stood out. It was desperate and deep, you didn’t worry about coming off as soft or being too much. Your fingers dug into the sleeves of his shirt around his biceps, your face buried into his chest, and his hands were all over you. He couldn't decide where to touch you, your arms, your face, your hair, your back, they would move from place to place as he cemented into his mind that you were really there, there in his arms, holding and petting him like you'd always done before. His mind flashed with images of him back in that cell and his throat tightened, the slightest whisper of a whimper sounding in the back of his mouth. He held you tighter and kissed the top of your head, rocking you in his arms for a few silent moments as you pulled yourself together. 
“Where the hell you been? Rick said ya left with all your shit.” His voice was tight, the way it would get when he would try not to cry, along with raising in pitch a little. 
You looked up and smiled softly, seeing him through a sheen of wet tears. “Doesn't matter.” You hummed as you stroked his cheek. “Really. It doesn’t. I've been looking for you, only reason I'm here is because some bitch thought I was robbing her and told me about this place. Couldn't keep looking if I was starving.” You buried your face back in the fabric of his shirt and sighed deeply. 
“Told ya, I ain't leavin'. I ain't dyin’ neither.” His warm words in that deep rumble resulted in your racing heart finally slowing its pace. 
“What happened? Are you okay?” You pulled back from his chest to look up at his face. He looked miserable, it broke your heart. He looked away from your gaze, unable to keep eye contact, which was something he never struggled with before when it came to you. “Daryl?”
His head immediately dropped and his forehead collided with your shoulder. Your heart banged against your ribcage and you wrapped your arms around his shoulders, stroking the back of his neck and kissing the side of his head while he stifled his soft sobs.
“Let's leave. C'mon.” You parted from him, only to be pulled back by his grip on your wrist. 
“Y’jus’ got here.” Daryl furrowed his brows, his eyes wet with tears that he quickly blinked away.
“Yeah, to eat so I could keep looking for you. I've found you, so let's go.”
“Go where?” 
You gritted your teeth as his grip on you loosened. “Anywhere else, I don't care.” You said through clenched teeth, your gaze intensifying. “We're done with this shit. Not our problem anymore. Let's go. I'm not letting these people get you hurt again. Never, Daryl.”
Daryl had never been the reason you cried, at least, that's what he thought. So when you started cracking at his rejection, his heart shattered. Every bone in his body yearned for him to hold you, bring you back into his arms and make the pain stop. It hurt even more to see that you weren't just upset, you were pissed, disgusted at the fact that you were showing such weakness in front of the same person who made you cry. 
“I gotta. ‘Jus need to do this.” He attempted to comfort you after your rage at your perceived betrayal faded into tears of defeat. “M’doin’ it for us. Ya gotta trust me on this.” 
There was a small glimmer of hope then, and you allowed yourself to feel it. You were desperate to believe him, and desperate to believe everything would turn out alright. Rick and everyone else would deal with Negan, you'd scratch that burning itch for revenge, and everything would be okay. 
Rick did deal with it, that much came true. At the cost of his son's life, he defeated the saviors.
You were more than willing to fight. You’d been dying for a purpose, and being a soldier in the war against Negan was exactly what you needed. You looked like a cheesy action movie protagonist with two long arm guns on your back and two pistols in each hand. You used more ammo that day than you had in your entire life. God. You wished Merle had been there to see you and Daryl. 
You didn't get the revenge you so desperately craved. You absolutely lost it when Negan was defeated. After Daryl decided against killing Dwight, you lunged at the man like a rabid fox, fully prepared to end his life with just your teeth and hands, only to end up clawing and wriggling in Daryl's grasp. You could've gotten over that eventually, it would take a really long time, sure, Dwight was a brainwashed cult member and did what he did because he was told to. And he'd get his, even if you had to restrain yourself. Fine. It’s fine.
But Rick sparing Negan? 
No. Your reaction to that earned you the reputation of the group's feral animal. You shared the same reaction as Maggie, but unlike her giving up after a while of being held back, you ended up earning a matching set of rope bracelets and anklets.
“You'll have to kill me.” Your throat burned as Daryl tossed you in the back of a blue Toyota camry. He nearly had to force Dwight into the passenger seat at gunpoint, the terror in the backseat scaring him more than the thought of death. 
Your spit was red and thick as it smacked onto Dwight's battered face, blending with the blood that made him unrecognizable. He was barely able to get to his feet after Daryl's threat of death if he was to return, blindly picking up the car keys in the mess of blood spattered leaves. 
The relationship between you and Maggie quickly became a deep friendship as you plotted to kill Negan. Neither of you were allowed to see him in his cell without someone to stand guard, but Maggie even moreso. With enough time you were able to get down there alone, gun in hand, only to be stopped by Michonne, who had apparently come for the same reason. 
“I haven't seen you much before. What's your name.” Negan's eyes followed you as you paced back and forth in front of his cell, seething from the fact that Michonne wouldn't let you kill him yet. She had her own unknown motives, which didn't really matter to you, but all this talking was driving you insane. 
“You don't need to know my name.” You muttered, cutting your eyes at the man. “You look so much smaller than I remembered you looking in that field.”
He winced at your words, placing a hand over his heart in mock offense. “Oh, sweetheart. That hurts. Actually, I've been told I'm pretty impressive.”
He watched you as you continued pacing, your hands sweaty and your eyes wild with rage, confusion, and confliction. A smirk spread on his face. “Look at you. Like a lion in a cage. Well, I’m the one in the cage, but. Coulda used a psycho bitch like you. If you were on my side that day, phew!”
You pulled your gun from your waistband and pulled the trigger. Negan raised hands and jumped. Your heart dropped when you were met with an empty click. You inhaled sharply through your nose and pulled out the clip, which was completely empty. 
Daryl. He dragged you out of the basement, thankful he’d unloaded your guns the night before. He wasn’t stupid, he knew what you were planning. He didn't care that you were pissed, Rick wanted Negan alive, so that's what he was going to stay, even if he did want the prick dead.
It didn't take long for you to pick up on Daryl's trauma. He was good at hiding it from others, nothing much had changed aside from him being quieter. But once your selfish rage had settled you noticed small differences. He slept closer to you at night, no longer on the other side of the mattress, and his nightmares became more violent. He'd thrash in his sleep, tossing and turning and sweating, you found yourself waking him up more times than you could count. Each time he'd get real quiet, maybe from shame, and walk outside to smoke a cigarette. You'd follow him each time and sit quietly on the porch steps, not caring that he didn't offer you a hit. He looked like he needed all he could get. 
You saw him crying with Carol once. His head dipped down and his forehead pressed against her shoulder. If it had been long ago you would've felt hot at the sight, assuming he obviously must've felt closer to her since he hadn't cried like that with you since his capture, but you weren't as shallow and selfish as you once were. Your heart ached for him, wishing he would open up and tell you what happened, you could comfort him too, you wished you could tell him that. 
“Wanna go hunting?” You asked one day, picking up your new hunting rifle, a Savage model 99 that you'd replaced your broken bow with. Daryl shrugged from his spot on the chair beside your bedroom table, not looking up from his work. He was almost always making new bolts in his free time then. He had a pile of twenty-two sitting next to him. 
“Come on, I'm craving venison.” 
He inhaled deeply, his shoulders sagging. 
“Seriously, we haven't hung out in forever man.”
“Hang out?” He said it like you asked him for a ‘playdate’. “What're ya, twelve?”
“No, I'm an adult who misses you, jackass.” You muttered, kicking one of his boots across the floor closer to him. “You've made two hundred arrows in the past week man. I think you can take a break. Yeah, don't look at me like that. I've counted.”
It was when you were alone in the woods that he broke down. You hadn't even asked, he just told you after you took down a buck. He didn't cry at first, he gave a vague retelling, it was only when he felt your arms wrap around his shoulders from behind that he cried. His head hung low as his chest shook with quiet sobs, his hands laying idle and nervous in his lap, his eyes looking down at the stump he sat on. You rested your head in the crook of his neck and held him for a while, your fingers occasionally giving his biceps a reassuring squeeze if his breathing grew too ragged. 
“I'll kill him. I promise. I'll find a way.”
When you were fifteen you skipped school for the first time. Your freshman year, Daryl's too. It was one of the only times you hung out that wasn't just the right time, right place. He was the one who talked you into it, since the two of you shared a history class. He brought cigarettes and a wild assortment of drugs, no doubt nabbed from Merle. 
“We should do this more.” Daryl had said as you walked the power line trails in the woods behind the school. He shrugged when you looked at him, his gaze falling to the grass in front of him. “Hang out, I mean.” 
“Yeah, we should.” You flashed a rare smile, earning one from him as well, the purple skin around his eye wrinkling. 
You never did. You were too busy with school work and getting beat on by your withdrawing mother. Daryl wasn't really busy, in fact, he was alone most of his teenage years. Always alone out in the woods. Sometimes he'd miss school for a week, living in his father's tent deep in the forest, spending his time learning to live on his own. His father never noticed, not until the school called and he got one of the worst beatings he'd ever gotten. You saw him at school a few days after that, one of his last days before he dropped out. 
He looked awful. Busted lips, bruises all over his arms, light purple handprints on his neck, and deep purple blotches around his eyes and jaw. The school called the police, but nothing ever happened. Daryl told them it was from a fight with some kid, and they happily accepted that answer, eager to miss out on the paperwork. 
“We should just leave.” You said after he pulled the cigarette back away from your lips to take a drag of his own. 
“I would.” He muttered as he held the smoke in his lungs, watching the kids in the far off soccer field chasing the ball. His legs dangled off the edge of the school roof, occasionally swinging a bit. 
“I would too.” You wouldn't. Not until you got your brother back. You looked at him, feeling an unfamiliar twist in your heart when you saw the way he flinched under your sudden gaze. “I'd kill him if I could.” 
You truly meant it. Even though Daryl was barely an acquaintance at that point, you would have killed his father if you got the chance. Daryl didn't mean much to you to be brutally honest, you didn't care to form a deep friendship with anyone, but you shared the bond of trauma from parental abuse and that was deeper than any normal friendship. He could leave, never see you again, and you wouldn't be upset, but if you ever had to witness his father touch him it would shatter your soul. 
You promised yourself you'd kill anyone who ever hurt him after that. You almost murdered Andrea when you found out she shot him. You risked being eaten alive by walkers just to make sure the Governor was really dead. You beat Dwight until Daryl dragged you off, if he hadn't done that you would've killed him. 
Things got a lot worse after the day of your failed assassination attempt. Daryl was never home anymore, either at Hilltop or Ezekiel's kingdom. You had reached the point of considering leaving again. The emotional rollercoaster you were going through was taking a heavy toll on your already fucked mental health.
He could see the effect his absence had on you, and it made him feel like shit. There wasn’t much he could do, he had so many responsibilities and he would never ask you to come with him and Rick every time they packed up and went on long trips every five seconds. It felt selfish to him, he didn’t know that you’d be more than happy to accompany him. 
His hands on your tense shoulders as you sat on the edge of your bed did wonders to loosen you up. You set your gun down beside you and looked up to him, forcing a smile. 
“C'mon sweetheart. Wanna show you somethin’.”
He took you on a long walk in the woods to a secluded pond that once belonged to a fisherman, obvious by the raggedy dock and small wooden shack filled with all sorts of fishing tools. There was still homemade canned fish in his cupboards. 
“Gonna stay here for a few days. Jus’ you an’ me.” 
You watched him over your can of trout, chewing slowly. “Really?”
Daryl shrugged and stabbed his fork into his own can. “Yeah. Ya need it.” He cleared his throat awkwardly. “We need it.”
Your heart swelled with warm joy, a smile spread on your face and you tried your best to contain the satisfaction his gift had given you. You missed your best friend more than anyone you’d ever missed before after your baby brother. You’d come to terms with the more than likely possibility that he was dead, and so were your parents. It took a long time and many different weeks spent searching when you were back in Georgia. 
You had a fantastic time with him. You fished all morning, talked all afternoon, and ate your fill of fresh and canned fish. It wasn't long before you set up your bedrolls in the middle of the shack and blew out your candles. It felt amazing to sleep next to him again, you couldn't properly put into words how much you missed him. The feeling of his large warm body next to yours as you fell asleep had you thinking that it was all worth it. He was making an effort to spend time with you again, and with that effort came the sparks of hope, hope that you were getting your best friend back.
You woke up the first night spent with him in the fishing shack to see moonlight seeping through the holes in the tin roof. You rubbed your blurry eyes and sat up, propping yourself up with an elbow on the floor. 
“Daryl?” You murmured sleepily as your eyes came to focus in the dim light. His bedroll was still beside yours, albeit empty. You waited a few minutes before walking outside, assuming he just had to go piss or something. 
Ten minutes passed before you walked back into the shack, now carrying a small candle to light the room, cursing when the wax dripped down your knuckles. The amber glow illuminated his bedroll, bringing attention to a small white square. You leaned down and picked up the piece of paper, squinting in effort to read his handwriting. 
The pain in your chest was deep and dark. Growing up you had grown used to being disappointed by your parents and people around you. It never surprised you. Even now you didn’t expect much from people, but Daryl was that exception. So when you read his little apology, claiming Rick called on him through his walkie to request his help in the Kingdom, you decided you’d had enough.
He had been in the Kingdom for about two weeks until you heard from Rick that they were back.
“We're leaving.” You seethed the moment you stepped into your new shared bedroom with Daryl. It was upstairs in one of the apartments in Alexandria, no longer the basement in Rick's house. You had a nice king sized bed, lots of dressers and shelves, a big ass tv, and even a gaming console that once belonged to Carl. Daryl had only slept in that bed three times since you moved in months ago.
He sighed your name and stood from his seat at the table, setting down the disassembled gun he'd been cleaning. “No we ain't. Cut that shit out.” 
“I can't be here anymore. I can't. I can't.” You began hyperventilating as you ripped the dresser drawer fully out, falling to your knees and quickly grabbing the clothes that spilled out. 
“Stop.” When you didn't comply he made you stop, grabbing your wrists and forcing you to look at him. He spoke in that serious tone that felt like a stab to the chest, his eyes burning holes into yours. “I'm not leavin'.” 
You froze at his words. Your mouth opened and your lips trembled, your breath catching in your throat. The words never came to you. You just stared at him with wide eyes and a horrified look of disbelief.
Daryl didn't speak either. He stood his ground, maintaining a firm gaze, his grip on your wrists slowly loosening. 
It hurt. And that made you angry. 
“Who even are you anymore?” You hissed, tearing your hands away from him and shooting up on your feet. “I never see you anymore, you're cold, distant.” He got to his feet, accepting each blow of your words with this calm face that turned your anger into lividness. 
“You promised me you'd never leave me. You promised you'd always be the one thing Daryl, the one thing that wouldn't change, wouldn't leave, wouldn't hurt me, I kept my promise!” Your finger hammered against your own chest in reference. “You say you're never leaving but you already left! I can see it in your eyes, don't look at me like you have no idea what I'm talking about.” Your face burned. “I can see it. The pity, the disdain. The only reason you haven't just kicked me out is cause you feel like you're obligated to me now, or maybe you're scared I'm some loose canon and I'll burn this fucking house down-”
Daryl had heard enough, he lurched forward until he was inches away from you, his nostrils flared due to his increasingly heavy breathing. “You're fuckin’ delusional!” He spat. “You don't think this is hard on me too? Don't think I'd rather be out there livin’ in some cabin with you? That shit ain't happenin’, these people are family. I ain't leavin' ‘em neither. Shit don't mean I don't care ‘bout ya anymore. We ain't in Atlanta, ‘ts not like that anymore. Ain't just me you ‘n Merle.”
“We should've just left. We should've just left.” You repeated in a breathy whisper, your glazed over eyes locked on his chest. 
“Yeah? Well, we didn't, now we can't. Now I won't.” The purposeful enunciation of the last word was the straw that broke the camel's back, and he immediately regretted it as soon as your eyes squeezed shut. “G’damnit.” 
“Fine.” Your breath was shaky, and you resumed packing. 
He found it impossible to stop you, impossible to move. In reality all it would take from him was a simple request for you to stay, but he couldn't even manage that. It felt like watching a fire you started get out of control, he knew he still had the power to stop it, but he was too stunned to move. 
You zipped up the same second duffle bag you'd packed with the same intention on leaving, just as you'd done before. This time though, it wasn't the same. It felt too final. You knew it would be the last time. Daryl did too, and he still didn’t stop you.
You’d set up camp deep in the woods down a dirt road that led to a pond. You slept in your car with your campfire a few feet away, a pot of wild carrots and rabbit simmering over the coals. It smelt amazing due to your stolen beef bouillon cubes, but you didn’t really have the motivation to eat. You flicked away the first cigarette of your last pack and stared into the red hot coals, watching them ebb and glow until the flash of something large and dark caught your eye. 
You stared in disbelief as you watched his figure move through the thick trees, making his way over to your little camp beside the car you'd stolen from Alexandria. He had a heavy bag with him. 
He plopped his bag down next to your fire and sat down, helping himself to a bowl of your stew. He said nothing, not even looking up at you as he finished your supper.
“The hell are you doing here?” 
He looked up at you and sucked the grease from his fingertips, the empty bowl now discarded at his side. You had no idea how he’d managed to get his fingers coated in rabbit fat, it was fucking soup and he used a spoon. “Ts’it look like?”
You couldn't move, your feet glued to the debris of the forest floor. Your mind spun with questions. If he was actually willing to leave with you, leave all those people behind, why had he shut you out? Why had he changed? What changed? 
“I don't want you here. It's an obvious act of charity.” You finally spoke, watching as he lit a wrinkled cigarette. “You told me yourself-”
“Will ya shut up?” He squinted up at you through the burn of smoke. “Jus’ walked six  damn days to find ya. M’not leavin'.” 
You sat on the opposite side of the fire in silence. He scooted around to sit next to you, and held his cigarette up to your lips. You took a weak pull and sighed. After a while of not speaking, you broke the silence. 
“You're so different. Changed so much”
He nodded at your words, his head tilted down to stare at the leaves between his legs. “Had to.”
“Why?” The question burst from your lips so quickly that it surprised you. 
“You.” He took a deep pull off his cigarette and blew it out the opposite side of his mouth to avoid blowing it directly in your face. “This ain't the kind of life you deserve. Tryin’ to get that for ya. That little house ya dreamed of living in, one with a screened in porch for plants ‘n shit. Life that ya ain't spendin’ hungry, cold, scared.”
He paused for a moment, taking another long drag. “Wanted me to be better too. The kinda man to pick ya flowers, take ya on dates, all that stupid shit.” He flicked the spent cigarette into the fire and leaned back against your car door. 
If it was possible, you were feeling every emotion all at once, in such a rapid and disorienting fashion that it looped back around and made you too shocked to feel. 
He delved deeper, explaining that he felt you deserved better than who he once was, Merle’s echo, a loud and angry asshole, then turned into a cold and traumatized shell, never allowing himself to feel vulnerable with you again. When he finally broke out of it and realized exactly what he wanted, he worked on himself in a determined attempt to be the man you dreamed of marrying as a kid.He worked on your surroundings as well, making sure to eliminate any possible threat in every colony that had even the slightest chance of risking your livelihood. But more importantly, he wanted to be yours. The type of husband you described when you were thirteen years old, cleaning the blood from his swollen ear one of the nights he slept on your back porch. 
“I'm not gonna be like my mom.” You had said firmly, tossing away the bloody tissue paper. “I'm gonna get a good husband and I'm not gonna mess it all up like she did.”
“A good husband?” He questioned curiously, wincing as you dabbed his ear with rubbing alcohol. 
“Yeah, like…. He'll take me on dates, open doors for me, buy me cool stuff, uh….” You trailed off in thought. “He's gonna build me a house too. With a screen porch that I can put a hundred plants in, and he won't be allowed to smoke in it. Oh, he won't smoke, actually. Or drink, or do drugs. He'll never hit me or yell at me like my mom did to my dad, and to me. He'll be handsome too. And smart.”
You were brought to the present with a jolt as Daryl’s hand touched your knee, making you jump. You didn't notice your eyes had started watering and you quickly went to discreetly dab them dry. 
“Guess I fucked up. M’sorry. Was a real piece of shit.”
“No,” your voice broke as you stopped him, grabbing his hand on your knee and giving it a squeeze. “Complete opposite of a piece of shit. I had the wrong idea, I should be the one apologizing.”
“Tsh. Nah.” Daryl waved you off and shook his head. “Should’a told ya. Wasn't thinkin' right.” 
The two of you sat in thoughtful silence until the embers began to grow dim. The forest was thick, so even though the sun was visible as it sank lower and lower, it soon became too dark to see properly. 
“My…” you broke the silence, searching for the right word. “Aspirations have changed since then.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.”
Several seconds of silence.
“How'so?”
“Well, I don't care if he smokes, or does drugs, or curses or can't take me out on a date. He doesn't have to build me a house, but that's still an option.” Daryl snorted, and you went on. “But he does have to own a crossbow, ride a motorcycle without a helmet even though I tell him to, and he definitely needs this,” your finger tapped on the skull tattoo on the back of his hand before sliding up his arm to stroke a line down his back, “and these tattoos. And this.” You touched the mole over his upper lip. “And he definitely has to slur all his words together because of his accent.” 
“That's all, huh?” He joked softly, watching you draw your hand away from his face. “Y’got some low standards for a husband.”
“Oh, right, I forgot. He also has to go back to his family, because that's where he belongs.” There was a quick flash of hurt on his face, his lips parting and his eyes narrowing, so you continued. “And because that's where my dream house is going to be built.” 
In all your years knowing Daryl Dixon, you'd never been sexually intimate. You'd never had sex, flirtation only being reserved for playful teasing banter, you'd never really kissed, aside from that one night at the Greene farm. You'd laid with each other multiple times, more often than not sleeping curled up together in the woods or on the floor of some house. Despite never being sexually intimate there was an unspoken mutual understanding of your relationship, you were together, but not in the traditional standard sense. Neither of you ever had interest in a relationship with anyone, that was simply out of the question. Why have a partner when your best friend is everything you need? 
He became your partner at some point, maybe that's why it caused so much anguish to the both of you when you left. But it was only that night that you solidified it. And the next morning, and in the back of the car on your way back, and on the hood of the car, and after your shower back home, and after dinner, on your bed, on the floor, a second time after that, right before bed, and again the moment you woke up. 
It started with a kiss, which just so happened to be his second ever kiss, the first being you in the back of Dale’s RV. You wouldn't have ever guessed, the way he kissed with so much passion and vigor felt akin to a man kissing the same pair of lips he'd kissed his entire life. And you would have never guessed he was a virgin. 
Each touch was as if he was handling precious glassware. He never took off any of your clothes, he'd just gently tug at your shirt until you got the hint and undressed yourself. 
At some point you moved to the back of the car, he laid you down and closed the door behind him. Your soft pants and gasps quickly led to the windows fogging over, and by the end of it there were beads of precipitation dribbling down the glass. 
He led graciously. His fingers were gentle but firm against your clit through your panties, working hard and with determination to give you the orgasm you deserved. He obeyed your requests for ‘circles, ah, softer, to the left, more’, and before long he was a master in the art of making you come. 
Daryl wanted to give you oral, but you quickly pulled him back up, shaking your head as you gasped for air. “N-no, please. You. Need you.” 
It was shocking that he didn't feel embarrassed when he came early. You'd reached down to stroke his cock, only getting in a few strokes before he pulled away with a strangled gasp, spilling his hot cum on your bare stomach. He didn't have time to feel embarrassed because only seconds later you were taking him in your desperate mouth, giving it your all to make him hard again. 
He didn't take long. After stiffening in your mouth he eased your head away, maneuvering you on your back in such an effortless way that it made you look like you weighed nothing. Due to your wetness and unimaginable arousal it didn't hurt at all when he finally pushed in after rubbing his cock all over your desperate slick flesh. 
You cried out anyway. Your jaw dropped and your eyes rolled back, clutching at his bare shoulders when you felt his pelvis fully connect with you. 
“F-fuck.” You groaned as your eyes rolled back, digging your fingers deeper into his skin.
He let out a moan then, a light and vulnerable sound. You could feel him shaking on top of you as he fought not to finish again. It broke your heart, knowing he wanted to have sex with you so badly, to please you like you had him. 
You stayed as still as humanly possible while you waited for him to move. 
Daryl’s breath slowed and he moved, finally. He fucked you slow at first, slow and deep thrusts that managed to bury his dick further and further inside you each time. With each thrust he let out either a shaky whimper or a deep grunt, and soon he was picking up the pace, fucking a moan out of you each time he drove his throbbing cock back inside. 
When his hand connected with the warm skin of your torso you whimpered, tossing your head back against the car seat. His hands stroked your sides, rough and dirty fingers scraping against your nipples and breasts. He gave one a firm squeeze, eliciting a sharp moan from you, one that he eagerly swallowed down with his hungry mouth, kissing you deeply and feverishly. He was breathing heavy through his nose, hot puffs of air sending waves of heat across your upper lip and cheeks.
A rough slam of his pelvis against yours sent the tip of his cock so deep it was almost painful, your gasp choked in your tight throat, your thighs squeezing the life out of his torso. He groaned at how responsive you were, his hot wet lips sliding down your face to start kissing your neck. 
Daryl was quiet in the sense that he didn't say much. He groaned and whimpered, sure, but he hadn’t said a word since entering you. Which was totally fine by you, but you were a sucker for dirty talk. It was one of your favorite parts of sex.
“Fuck, you feel so good.” You whined, hoping to get a response. He just grunted, a possible returned compliment, his head not moving from the crook of your neck. 
A noticeable increase in his pacing had all thoughts vanishing from your mind in a puff of smoke. You could feel the side of his jaw clenching against your neck, the skin hot and prickly with stubble, the friction eventually becoming uncomfortable. As if he could read your mind he raised his head and looked down at you, the tip of his tongue peeking between his teeth, looking like a man in deep, oh, deep, concentration. 
“Fu-uh-uck-” You babbled, your heavy eyelids shutting against the brutal force of his thrusts. You grabbed onto his biceps again and held on for dear life, giving them a squeeze each time he gave a really deep thrust. 
“That’s it.” Your heart jumped in your chest at the sound of his voice, it was gravely and sounded from the base of his throat. You felt your lower stomach do that delicious flip sensation, your clit throbbing in response to his voice. 
“Mmm’god.”
“I know. I know.” He breathed, taking a second to readjust himself between your legs before going back to his artistic thrusting. He was grinding against you then, barely pulling out, using the full weight of his hips to force himself as deep as possible while he ground into you. You couldn’t speak, could barely breathe, it was a miracle that a virgin could fuck like that. He was a savant at something he’d never done before. You came hard around his throbbing dick, your walls clenching down so hard that it ripped his orgasm straight out of his body. 
You gasped, your fingers tightening around his flexed biceps as your orgasm shook through you in violent waves. You moved your hips on your own, grinding up and against his pelvis to draw your pleasure  out for  as long as possible. 
Daryl wasn't expecting it, he just came. His jaw dropped and he held onto the nearest body part, which just so happened to be your neck. He didn’t choke you, which came as a slight dismissible disappointment, he just held onto you with his large hands as he finished. It was so sudden and unexpected that he couldn’t control the sounds he made, better for you, he let out this beautiful high moan that sent flashes of Daryl in Atlanta behind your closed eyes. His body shuttered and jerked as every single rope of his cum flooded your insides, coating your vice like walls like spilled paint. 
You didn’t give him time to recuperate. You squirmed under him, swapping your positions, and took his softening cock in your mouth. He groaned under you, grabbing you by your hair to pull you away, only to shudder when he felt his cock growing hard again. You smirked against the tip as he gently pulled you back down.
Halfway through he tugged you off of him, the two of you switching spots once again. You whined when you felt his lips connect with your puffy clit, your mind swirling as he used the flexed tip of his tongue to drift between your slick folds. 
“Oh god, daryl.” You panted and ran your fingers through your sweaty hair to push it back over your head. You were either extremely sensitive due to the two orgasms, or he was an extremely skilled pussy eater. Either way you came fast, clenching your thighs around his head to clamp his mouth tight against you. He didn’t ease up as you came, his tongue and lips pulling tricks you didn’t think possible, drawing out your orgasm longer than any time previously. 
He slid up between your legs, planting kisses from your wet mess up your stomach to your chest. He suddenly bit down on one of your nipples, gentle at first, but the moan that came from your lips had him tightening his teeth.
You were under the impression that he would ease you down from your high with light kisses and soft touches, but apparently, he had other plans. His cock plunged back into you before you had any idea what was happening, and he quickly set a fast and intense pace. His hands slipped around both of your wrists and pulled, using the leverage to both fuck you deeper and keep you firmly in place.
If you could’ve seen the state you were in, you’d be a red hot embarrassed bitch. Your mouth was hanging open, your eyes fluttering between open and closed, sounds coming from your throat that envied any moan and whine to ever come out of a woman's mouth. Your hair kept falling back in your face each time his hips slammed into yours, no matter how many times you hastily pushed it away or tucked it behind your ears. You looked at him for as long as you could, but you were too stimulated, it was too hot, he was too beautiful, you had to let them fall shut as you came again.
As cliche as it sounds, your final orgasm, for that night at least, was world shattering. You didn’t care how loud you were or what types of faces you were making. Your body was completely out of your control, your brain on pause as it struggled to deal with the flood of dopamine and oxytocin. 
Daryl wasn’t looking any better, he’d ran miles before and came out looking more put together. He huffed as he came inside you yet again, his dick twitching with each spurt of cum. He braced himself on his elbows on either side of your body, his head drooping down as he managed a few sloppy thrusts. He muttered something then, something you were too fucked up to make out through his thick and slurred accent.
When he finally drew his red and tender dick out of you his heart seemed to skip a beat. The two loads spilled out the second he withdrew, trickling down your folds and over the swollen head of his dick. That was a sight he’d remember till the day he died.  
You fought to catch your breath after he all but collapsed on top of you. It was pure bliss for a few moments, and then it was too hot and too close. Before you could say anything he lifted himself off of you, still waging his own war against his lungs. 
“Getting old there, huh?” You teased, sliding up into a sitting position after grabbing your panties. Yeah, he's old, it's not the fact you just did the same amount of exercise as swimming across the atlantic ocean.
“Shut up.” He breathed as he wiped his damp hair from his face. 
After a few moments of silence, apart from the sounds of your breathing, you dressed yourselves and began loading all your shit into your car. 
“You really walked six days? No bike, no car?” You questioned as he plopped down into the driver's seat, the flame of his lighter illuminating his face. The smell of cigarette smoke had you leaning over and he pressed the filter against your lips. 
“No bike.”
“That’s kind of stupid.”
“Huh. Rich.” He smirked around the cigarette at you before glancing over his shoulder to watch the dirt road as he reversed.
“Yeah, true.”
Your life wasn’t magically fixed after that night, and neither was Daryls, but it did get a lot easier. You zipped up your coat but your shoes were still full of snow, that kind of better. A lot of shit happened, you had your arguments, but no fights. After RIck died you ran off together looking for his body, for Daryl’s closure, living off in the woods somewhere with a dog that liked to growl at you. He was over possessive of Daryl, and so were you, so the two of you were butting heads often.
He never did build you that house, but you moved into one of the newly built homes in Alexandria. He did build you a back porch, which looked great for someone who’d never built an entire screened in porch before, even if it did look a little raggedy in some spots. He even brought home pots for you to plant ‘shit’ in, as he said. 
Daryl wasn’t home often, which didn't bother you anymore, because you were out there with him. 
@ophelialaufey @carlgrimesgfofficial @theskinniestjackson-denny @dilfish-daydreams @louifaith @my1fx @jinx-nanami
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kittyit · 15 hours
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One thing I don't like about trans critical spaces is how they are focused on trans women being unattractive and 'cringe.' this is just my personal experience, but I have been sexually victimized by multiple trans women, most of whom passed, many of whom were skinny and beautiful and most of which had high brow tastes and no interest in anime or other cringe topics. one of these TIMs was a serial sexual assailant and I think probably attracted to underage boys, and she was also beautiful and charismatic. Meanwhile, I also know multiple trans women who are good people and don't infringe on female spaces but who are conventionally "ugly", broad-shouldered, and have masculine interests. It also seems like the only thing TIMs criticize about each other publically is being "ugly", large, or fat.
my position has consistently been for about 15 years that mocking someone's appearance is not a feminist act. it simply isn't.
mocking appearance is essentially a cruel hobby, it's primate social aggression we're using our huge brains for. it's really fun, and that's why almost everyone does it. i sometimes do it too, in private, in intimate company, and it's enjoyable. i say this to clarify that despite my position, i don't set myself apart or above from women who do it. i do it too. and it's constant in basically every subculture online. julie bindel actually posted on her facebook recently troubled about this same thing. as you said, it's so common in queer/trans circles too, the long-forgotten 2013 values of tenderqueerism fallen to the wayside. stan culture, politics, just basically everything...i really can't stress enough that in my opinion, it is a hobby
mocking appearances is not feminist or activism. it quite often is anti-feminist. it's kindergarten stuff to not judge a book by its cover. it doesn't matter what a male person looks like - he is still male and all considerations that apply to male people apply to him. i don't need to think a male person has a hideous appearance to criticize him for any of the oppressive acts he's doing. focus on appearance (or other unrelated personal attacks) often takes the sting out of a criticism of someone's character, morals or actions and makes your argument easier to dismiss. and of course the now mocked & dismissed concept that when you rip into someone's appearance, you do friendly fire to anyone around who shares those features. but of course this doesn't matter to anyone because it's 1. so fun 2. we're so used to it 3. everyone is doing it 4. so who cares? (I do. However)
i also just can't really scrape up that much finger wagging anymore at women who do spend a huge amount of time blowing off steam mocking the insane parodies that trans women present as. it's basically evil imaginative play. it's just not activism and acting like it is, as you said, is really detrimental to radical feminism being understood as a feminist way of thought that deeply affects women's lives.
as for the rest of this, have you read pronouns are rohypnol? you do not have to call a serial rapist pedophile you knew she. there is no one here but us, he cannot hear you. i encourage you to free up processing power in your mind, especially if you've survived trans male violence. calling the men who harmed you he can be a turning point in reclaiming your own sense of reality, it was for me
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sinful-karateka · 3 days
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I'll bite and talk about something that doesn't get enough spotlight in general, which are Demetri's and Eli's family life. So obviously several fic authors have their own twists and flavors to this, but if I may sell you something for a sec.
So far into the series, what we've got are these facts:
Demetri's Mom is the only family member to be mentioned in the show.
Eli's parents were mentioned a couple of times.
That should be enough context to deduce two things:
Demetri could be an only child to a single mother, and;
Eli's parents involve themselves in the stuff that he does — including karate, who knows — though they tend to be tone deaf with his actual needs.
There's strong evidence to why the boys act the way they act (brain functions notwithstanding, but this isn't the post for that), which is why I think these deductions make sense. How their hypothetical upbringing is part and parcel to how characters behave in this series. Of course societal influence comes in second because obviously you've got a show that encourages learning karate as defense against bullies, but this show is also about generational chains and traumas! So why wouldn't their home life inform the way it informs the LaRusso's, Lawrence's, and Nichols'? But I digress.
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In the span of the entire series, I've held onto this headcanon that Demetri's neuroticism and ability to anticipate his actions carefully stem from a household that needs these systems in place, much more for someone who likes to be on top of things. Since he's just a student, the only authoritative figure who can make executive decisions... is his mom. Add to the fact that she may be a working mom, so when Demetri tells Daniel about certain restrictions in learning karate, what could have made her decide to just write a letter instead vs. taking the time out to go with his son herself? I know I know it's narrative writing but like do you seeeee where I'm at here
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Eli's family life is by far gave us early indications of his dynamic with his mother — but not so a father — in earlier seasons. It's possible that his mom is a stay-at-home one, but if I were to push the bounds of this box even further, I'd even speculate that she's retired early if it meant that Eli's dad is the one making most of the living. Like of course they'd get mad at Hawk for getting a tattoo at his age, I think any parent would! But the way he tells Aisha to exclude him from her stories tells us that there's not a lot that his parents know about the life he lives as Hawk. At this point we all know the kind of effort it takes to successfully carry it out because he has to go home every night. It's either he a) puts in a lot of effort into concealing this identity once he gets home, or b) his parents are rarely ever home, which again, feeds into another assumption that maybe Mrs. Moskowitz works certain hours.
All we know is they're never around a whole lot for these boys, which is sad! and also again, very Indicative of their classification as awkward nerds pre- and early karate. When I read along certain fics that consider and include how the rest of their characters besides the found families they've formed, it gives much more depth and potency to writing them, their flaws, and how they think.
For all we know, Mrs. Alexopoulos could be a lesbian making fun of her son for not slinging pussy like she does being rizzless unlike her, but don't let me explain that when we have @demetriandelibinaryboyfriends!
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thecoolerliauditore · 22 hours
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Pls tell me about Scott's views on women in general pls I'm begging you
o7 and I'm sorry
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fyi, the post itself isn't NSFW, but I'll be getting all gender theory in this bitch so I'll be referencing a lot of things and putting in pictures of naked ppl sometimes. maybe skip this one if you don't like that
(long post)
Disclaimers
An explanation for the tweet up there
I usually don't write these because I assume the people on my blog have enough sense to realise when I'm talking about the characters vs the CCs or are comfortable enough being a little confused, but I feel the need to extra-clarify here and expand on how I specifically view C vs CC because I think it differs a little from the average person.
To me, C and CC are two separate entities but not entirely disconnected. What differs (e.g. the exclusion of irl relationships -- their wives, kids, etc.) is poignant enough to severely detach them from the people they originated from, at least in my eyes, but there's also the fact that these are not scripted characters, just creators being themselves with a hint of behind the scenes drama-adding and improv thrown in.
For example, CC Pearl is a car nerd. So I assume her character is too.
This is where I state very clearly that yes, a lot of these thoughts come from things I've seen on Scott's twitter, which is undoubtedly the CC and not the C. However I, to me, am still talking about the C because any observations/judgments I could make on actual irl youtuber CC guy Scott Major would be tabloid at best and slightly invasive at worst. I'm seeing these statements within the context of "the death game guy would say this too and I'm writing this based on that", not "this is the inner psychological workings of the youtuber because I, as a fan, can totally tell".
TLDR I don't consider this post RPF but you might. This is a little more RPF-y than my usual stuff. If you don't rock with it we cool.
Everyone is weird about women, and that's okay
One short-hand I've used in the past to talk about Scott and women is just by saying that he's "weird about women" which I'm sure isn't exclusive to him.
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(shitpost I made awhile back)
I see a lot of people now who love "villains" and "evil" but when it comes to any traits resembling real life evil (e.g. misogyny in this case) they suddenly become insecure. Just a couple of days back a saw a post on twitter essentially asking for permission to continue liking CC Scott in spite of the "bad things" he did.
And I think, in order to present an analysis like this, I must address that mindset first.
This is not a judgment on Scott's morality, nor is it trying to dissuade you from liking him. This is not saying that he is any more misogynistic than any other player in the series. This is just me pointing out Scott's attitude towards women and what I read it as, nothing less or more.
The feelings that me pointing these things out - be they apathy, disgust, anger or, what I would hope to see most, interest - are your own. I'm not here to tell anyone how to feel and never will try to police that on my blog.
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Scott's Relationships with Women
aka. oh yeah this is about minecraft.
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Scott and Cleo || "Yeah, you can kill me."
Scott and Cleo's alliance is arguably the strongest in the entire series, spanning through all five seasons and remaining unbroken with no (serious) drama attached. You'd expect from this that they two have a very settled and stable understanding of eachother, yet this isn't a case.
Their power dynamic shifts dramatically from one season to the next.
3L's initial Widows Alliance began on fairly equal footing, built on the mutual agreement that they were waiting for their respective partners to die. Both understood they were eachothers' "plan B" and felt comfortable in that arrangement.
Come LL, Cleo does what she couldn't in 3L, and initiates that plan, going to Scott after her last alliance, the fairy fort, fell apart. Scott requests nothing from her in return.
DL is the longest the two spent as eachothers main ally. Cleo is the one who initially proposes teaming up to spite their "cheating" soulmates and Scott agrees. Cleo admits to Martyn in private that she's aware she's taking advantage of Scott (which I've always interpreted as her talking about all seasons, not just DL). Due to the time they spend together, it's here where it becomes apparent that their initial assumptions during 3L were not entirely accurate, as Scott shows a level of gameplay competency much higher than Cleo's (e.g. teaching her how to axe-crit) but despite this Scott never berates her or thinks any less of her value as his ally.
LimL is probably this pairing at their most unhinged, as Scott, despite once again asking for nothing (or very little -- I'll be honest I'm a bit fuzzy on this) in return from Cleo, allows them and their allies to butcher him repeatedly for time. He gives more time to the Clockers than he does to Martyn, his closest ally that season. Despite this, Scott is never ever considered as a "family member" by the Clockers, despite them giving that title to even temporary allies (like the Bad Boys being their cousins) -- even Martyn gets a title with Scott completely unattached.
SL is relatively more chill, but shows that the two inevitably end up teaming together even despite their oath to avoid eachother that season.
The point being -- again and again, we see Scott literally and metaphorically making sacrifices for Cleo, with the only real transaction he requires from her being that she continues having his back when times get rough. This is despite that he's aware she isn't any more capable than he is and the fact that so far it has only been Cleo in rough times (LL, LimL and SL) and never Scott.
Speaking from a purely transactional perspective, Scott is not getting a bargain here -- and even Cleo seems acutely aware of it, judging by her comment during DL as well as the way she tends to speak of her survival capabilities very lowly in general ("rubbish pvp skills and spiffy one-liners"). I'm speaking in this sense because I've seen discussions in the past about the transactional way Scott views relationships but rarely does Cleo get brought up.
This is at stark contrast to how he treats Jimmy, whose predicted death was what spurred on Scott and Cleo's alliance in the first place.
Scott assumes Jimmy is "incompetent", where he assumes Cleo is capable. When Jimmy messes up, he reprimands him, when Cleo struggles to crit him, he patiently teaches her. When LL begins, Scott's first instinct was to look at Jimmy's lives and note that he was "useless to (him)", but holds no objections to Cleo joining his alliance despite her already having enemies being a potential liability. In SL, he jokes about how Cleo and him being allied is a given and pretty much expected of them, whereas in LimL he explicitly requests from Jimmy a recognition that he still cares ("say love you back!") before he will help him.
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Scott and Gem || "You HAVE TO kill me, Gem,"
In SL, Gem settles in very easily in a leadership position within Gem and the Scotts due to her trying to live up to her reputation but also due to Scott and Impulse's more laid back, passive playstyles.
Both Scott and Impulse let Gem kill them for extra health this season, although Scott is arguably much more subservient than Impulse is, with him not only insisting that she kill him in the final episode but also not fighting back (and only yelling for her to stop) when she starts hitting him with a sword during the episode where her task was to literally kill everyone on the server.
Once again comparing her to Jimmy, Scott in 3L had a tendency to brush aside Jimmy's concerns over alliances (e.g. Jimmy questioning if they could trust Cleo) while in SL Scott runs his plans by Gem (and Pearl and Impulse) in terms of who he wanted to team up with (specifically excluding Joel from the potential mounders alliance) implying he held her opinion in some form of regard.
Before this becomes less of an analysis of Scott's treatment of men vs women and more of Scott's treatment of Jimmy vs everyone else, I think it's notable enough to mention that he and Martyn also lacked this sort of communication in LimL. He would inform Martyn of his plans, but rarely was it ever framed as a request.
SL almost feels as if Scott has slid Gem into the slot he had previously designated for Cleo in 3L (his girlboss ally) as he provides her and pretty much forces onto her by the end the acts of service he'd become accustomed to performing for Cleo.
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Scott and Lizzie || "You killed her! I don't.. I don't know what to even say!"
Relatively shorter section because this is the one woman he hasn't teamed with, but there's still some interesting stuff I wanted to touch on.
In LL, one of the first thing Scott does is yell at Pearl to revenge-kill Joel for boogey-killing him. Pearl does as she's told and Joel's wet miserable pathetic LL life gets worse from there.
Several episodes later, the roles are reversed -- Lizzie lies to both of them and manages to isolate and boogey-kill Pearl. Scott, instead of reacting with the anger he had for Joel, is almost in a state of shock as he asks Lizzie to let him down so he could collect Pearl's belongings. He doesn't act aggressively towards Lizzie at all, with his most antagonizing act against her being to lie about his intentions when giving her a wither skull.
In SL, he's the only one aware of her early permadeath, but keeps quiet about it almost as if he's in a state of shock akin to when he saw Lizzie kill Pearl in LL. It's not until the others have noticed when he finally brings it up.
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Scott and Pearl || "Tilly death do us 'part"
I wrote a whole post just for their relationship alone so for the sake of my sanity I'll be leaving this here.
So now I get to dedicate this section to the meat of this post -- how the way Scott treats women in general impacts his relationship with Pearl and how I view his heel-turn on her as seeping with relevance to Pearl's perceived gender.
In all three of the previous sections, the running theme is that Scott is 1. kinder and more patient with women, regardless of their competency and 2. someone who likes to be in a supporting role to women, occasionally aiding them more than he aids himself and his closer male allies (e.g. Jimmy and Martyn). As shown with Cleo, he assumes that girls have it together, but even if they don't it's not a big deal. When a girl's actions are truly disastrous, such as with Lizzie's, he goes into a state of shock and doesn't really react, preferring to swallow it down and not acknowledge it.
With the amount of times he sacrifices himself, I don't think it's a reach to say that Scott values his own life less than he values the lives of his (female) allies. This specific point actually does extend to his male allies too, shown when he's happy when Martyn literally backstabs him in LimL, but just as with the Martyn post where I point out his victim status-ing doesn't end at only women but includes all the women, Scott has pedastal-ed all the women he's teamed with.
Lizzie is, once again, the exception here due to his limited interactions with her. However that's actually somewhat patched over if you look at adjacent series (such as x-life) where he definitely shows her a level of admiration and respect.
Back to Scott and Pearl.
Their relationship during LL is very standard of how Scott treats women. While the power dynamic between them is obviously more caused by the initial life trade agreement, I don't think it's a far reach to say that Scott is somewhat comfortable in the arrangement.
However, this is also the first thing that sets their relationship apart from Scott with Cleo or Gem -- Pearl is the one making sacrifices, not Scott. She is the one "sacrificing" her lives to him, just in a more non-violent way as allowed by the season's mechanics.
When viewed through this lens, Scott trying to make it up to her and wanting his effort acknowledged makes even more sense. This is suddenly uncharted waters for him. His assuming that Pearl doesn't value him as a person goes hand in hand with him valuing himself less than her.
What Scott has with Cleo or Gem, situations where the other party is clearly uncomfortable with how he treats himself (Gem) or actively aware they are taking advantage of him (Cleo), is equalized to him because he is inherently worth less. What he has with Pearl, on the other hand, looks more equal to most people (lives vs labour) but is wildly imbalanced to him.
It's one of the many factors I see going into Scott's weird decision to abandon her in DL.
An Interlude, Before We Get to DL
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La Pieta, Michelangelo
So this has been a lot of words so far and some of you might be wondering at this point: why say Scott is "weird" about women when so far this has been describing how he values women more, is kinder to them, is more patient with them, etc.? How is any of this behaviour remotely misogynistic?
And I would feel horrible if I forced you to read through all of my DL thoughts before I clarified this -- Scott is not your classic wifebeater "women are lesser" misogynist, Scott is someone who subscribes to misogynistic schools of thought and probably considers himself an ally to women, when in reality his beliefs are still rooted in dehumanizing them and these beliefs end up harming the women around him as well as himself.
After all, seeing women are your superiors is still not seeing them as your equals.
I know it's a bit of a meme on this blog at this point. But. Sigmund Freud identified what we know refer to as the "madonna/whore complex", which he described as a pattern of behaviour in men who separated women into being madonnas (pure, holy and admirable) and whores (debased, sexual, deviant). We'll be focusing on the former, the madonna, as it is more relevant to Scott's character.
Freud proposed that the madonna figure was something men projected onto women as a replacement for maternal love. These women are sacred and untouchable, literally as the projection of the maternal role onto them also makes it so that the sufferer cannot feel any sexual attraction towards her (keep this in mind for later).
Scott projects the madonna figure onto his female compatriots -- they are to be protected, served and supported. They are goddesses, queens, but they are never human. The madonna role in of itself is not inherently harmful to the woman, as seen with Cleo who takes control and advantage of it. However, it is enforced, as seen with Gem who at first revels in the superiority but almost breaks down when Scott offers him up as her sacrificial lamb one last time.
I linked this Utena AMV awhile back when vaguely talking about Scott and women, and this was the point I was alluding to.
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Girls are beautiful and pure. They don't spit on the street, they don't piss on the street, they don't build hierarchies -- they subvert all the expectations of masculinity that I hate having to deal with. They are my escape.
But what about the girls who do spit on the street? The girls who piss on seats? Who build social hierarchies, who size up their competition?
The girls Scott interacts with are all painfully human. Cleo weaponizes his beliefs and take advantage of him. Scott is smart enough to know and accept this. Gem's playing into a role she has been assigned into by not only Scott but everyone around her. Scott supports the character she plays. Lizzie reflects traits he hates in Joel and Jimmy, but for her, he looks the other way.
Are they "demons", as the song says, or are they no longer girls at all?
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(demons, gods, but never humans)
Weaponized Femininity and Women In Total Control of Themselves ;)
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Hylas and the Nymphs, John William Waterhouse
Historically, weaponized femininity I'd argue is one of the oldest tropes in storytelling. Whether it's nymphs or sirens or witches or succubi or even more roundabout cases like Helen of Troy, there's countless stories of men's sexual attraction to women leading them to disaster.
One way to view these stories is to see them as warnings, don't let womens allure be the end of you.
There's a lot of good writing done on the femme fatale trope both in the context of weaponizing femininity and as a sexist way to argue against victims of sexual assault, as these stories often say that men who experience attraction to these "evil" women no longer have agency over their own actions.
Look at the painting above, for example - is it the nymphs who are responsible for drowning Hylas, or is Hylas climbing into the lake of his own accord?
Despite the fact we all know sirens, nymphs and succubi aren't real, the belief that men will simply lose control of themselves when encountering a particularly alluring woman persists to the modern consciousness. That there's something inherently dangerous about women and attraction to them.
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(this is not 100% applicable to Ninja saying he won't stream with women, but it's the real life example I felt most comfortable putting in here)
Now, let's combine this with what's been said so far -- let's say you don't hate women. You love women, in fact, and you hate the way men treat women. You hate men, in fact.
Yet, you still believe in this inherent power women hold by being female and the loss of agency that men experience when attracted to them -- how disgusting.
It quickly becomes easily to not only demonize men for sullying the holiness of women, but also men, masculinity and attraction to women as a whole.
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(apologies for using twt discourse in the meta post but this flew by my TL and i had to grab the irl example of mens non-violent attraction to women being used to frame them as misogynistic before the stupid app refreshed and i lose everything forever)
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"To Venner" is a student film exploring a world set within this belief, where all the women have vanished and the men have become monstrous figures as a result of their pent up sexual frustration. fyi this is one of my favourite student films (and ive watched a bunch), but I do think its messaging is worth breaking down (especially its juxtaposition of dirty horrible monstrous sexuality vs pure and beautiful romantic love)
NOTE: this film is super graphic, lots of violence and nudity. have fun. or not
I admit this section is a bit hard to gauge as everyone in the series is gay as fuck. The closest in-series example I can think of is Scott reacting to Martyn's antics in DL with a sort of indigence but otherwise I can't really think of an example of a man expressing attraction to a woman at all, let alone one Scott reacted to. However, I do think it's still worth talking about because it opens up some interesting trains of thought in regard to Scott and Pearl.
For Scott, he himself has never been part of the picture. He's gay, after all, which gives him an edge over the bad straight men who objectify and assault women. Likewise, there's little evidence to suggest he finds the expectations of masculinity frustrating, but I don't think it's too far a reach considering how common of an experience that is for gay men and his adapting of more feminine mannerisms.
Double Life and Corruption
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As mentioned in my previously linked post about Scott and Pearl's relationship, I do think Scott experiences what he would name as attraction towards Pearl, so my writing will reflect that.
Pearl is. ahem. not like other girls.
Not actually. But to Scott, she probably isn't like other girls.
She remains unaware of his different standards for her (how could she when she had nothing to compare them to), she acts out, sometimes violently, against Scott's urging (such as when she stole from Scar's wagon). She maintains their already irregular dynamic, and while she appreciates his care for her, she never quite falls into seeing him as a source of subservience the way Cleo or Gem do.
At the end of LL, right before the 1v1v1v1, she monologues to herself that she no longer has to feel bad for killing Scott. Which, in turn, implies she expected Scott to give it his all against her as well.
She entirely fails to embody the madonna with her immature naivete and her questionable morals. She is unpredictable, she doesn't take what she is owed, she is a monster in a lot of ways.
Scott, too, is a monster, to himself, for how he feels about her.
The very foundations of your understanding of yourself being ripped apart aside, let's rewind to the madonna/whore complex. To sexualise the madonna is to corrupt her and make a monster of yourself. Suddenly, you are no better than the men around you, the ones you've grown to hate. Suddenly, you are the grotesque figures in films like To Venner. You are Hylas and she is the nymph. And you are so stupid. Your worldview crumbles around its flawed foundations.
Scott is, however, immune to this corruption. This is a theme that appears in Empires as well, but throughout the traffic series he's prided himself on being loyal and kind and good. His monologue leading up to LL's 1v1v1v1 summarizes it quite well.
He can't let himself or anyone else see this side of him, but the energy needs to go somewhere. To defy fate, abandon your soulmate, is to admit you had a fate in the first place, is to acknowledge that she was your soulmate in the first place.
I've previously talked about how fate and romance are very ingrained in Scott's belief system, if it was anyone else it would've been amazing. He could've been like Bdubs and Impulse or Ren and Bigb, diving into domestic life and performative romance with a stranger. Or the world could've made his happy ending from 3L real, as he got to be Jimmy's husband all over again. I think it says something that he accepts Cleo as a "soulmate" before Pearl.
So what do you do with all that energy and tension, clearly apparent to yourself and everyone else, when you can't let them observe your feelings?
You project them.
Shout-outs to @/legally-allowed-to-slime for pointing out Pearl's comment early on in DL that she "feels like (she's) been broken up with" confirms she never saw Scott in a romantic sense. The "crazy ex-girlfriend" and "this is why I'm gay" comments really did come out of thin air, or perhaps insecurity.
Pearl is the crazy one. She's insane, because she wants me. She wants to be with me, so she does all this crazy stuff. She's lost control of herself because she wants me. She's disgusting.
I mentioned before that Scott is not your classic misogynist, but this is where the gears start turning. Scott's views of Pearl echo that of other players, most prominently Ren and Martyn, that Pearl has been overcome with some sort of corruption. She has become the witch, the demoness, the whore, in their eyes. Scott does not want to be the same as these men and I think his overcorrecting his behaviour in SL makes sense when you view it from this angle, but for now he has to rely on more traditional misogyny in order to navigate this new obstacle.
"Corruption" also implies that she had to have been pure (or at least pure-er) beforehand, something Scott personally knows is not true, but it falls in line with defaulting women to being "madonnas".
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This is a Scott post but. shout outs to Ren for being all of this about Pearl but without the complexity of Scott like he literally accuses Pearl of seducing Bigb what the fuck man.
Pearl is, of course, none of that. But she plays into the role of being the witch much better than she fared playing into the role of the madonna.
Sidenote: I know I'm looking at this from a Scott/Pearl POV but I do feel like you can omit Scott's attraction if you look at it from a purely "pearl not performing to standards of femininity I expect and she makes me realise I don't view women as a whole as human which makes me feel weird so now we have to do this" POV. Like idk I think the exact reason he abandoned Pearl is going to be lost on everyone forever so any analysis I could perform is going to suffer at least a little bit of making-shit-up-itis.
I do also think there's something to be said about Pearl being pushed until she performed a role, any role and generally failing at Being A Girl tm but that's another post i think. yknow shes um. a bit. 🏳️‍⚧️ (but also very much not at the same time idk that's gonna need its own post)
anyway yeah uh the minecraft movie looks crazy huh
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pseudophan · 1 day
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i am a phannie since 2014. and i had a strong "they used to date but now they don't" belief before they came out. around 2016.-2017. i fell into the trap of anti-s, basically dan and phil phans that were quite popular on tumblr, but still really critical of them, especially dan for "queerbaiting". i am also gay, so they actually made sense to me and made me dislike dan because i rlly thought he was doing it just because tumblr was really popular still and his fanbase was queer.. looking back at it.. real people just can't queerbait! it's a fiction term only! but that also comes down to ppl not really seeing youtubers/influencers as actual people lol. crazy times
it's really interesting to hear from all of you who got influenced by the really bitter bloggers from back in the day. i remember complaining about it and getting told off cause "people are allowed to have opinions and you can be critical of dnp" which is such a horseshit comeback bc this is exactly the problem!! people were upset by dnp "taking advantage of their audience and the shipping" and shit and my point was always ok if you think they're doing that then sure, you're allowed to think whatever, but it was based on nothing but vibes and to then base your entire social media presence on bitching about it is only going to convince others you've got a point, and that's a dangerous concept when again you are fully just making shit up! soooo many phannies got disillusioned with dnp around that time and a lot of it stemmed from wanting answers and refusing to accept there might be very legitimate reasons for us not receiving said answers. and sure i could understand being a bit annoyed at dan for various things he'd say and do but it was like.. if your annoyance with dan is enough for you to be that angry at them all the time then perhaps you should just step away rather than Make Shit Up to justify your anger, you know?
i'm sorry they got in your head, i genuinely feel so bad any of that shit happened because it was so so very unnecessary, but it's fascinating to hear about it now on the other side of it all and realising these really bitter phannies had the exact influence i feared they would. idk, i'm very much a proponent of it's your blog you can post what you want, but at a certain point people would benefit from thinking twice before pulling everyone else down into their misery
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jeonscatalyst · 2 days
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Hi there. Thank you for your wonderful posts. I enjoy reading them.
I don't care if their relationship is platonic or not as long as Jungkook and Jimin are happy, but there's one thing that makes me think they might be more than just friends. It’s that they “don’t” talk about why they chose to enlist together. When it was announced that the two of them would be enlisting together, I had no doubts that there was some explanation for why they chose that. But, as you know, they never talked about why they chose to enlist together, at least directly. Of course, I don't think they have an obligation to explain to us the reasons for all their actions, and if they don't want to talk, that's fine too. I want them to do what they want to. But I think it’s natural that many people wonder why only two out of the seven chose to enlist together and they should’ve known we were wondering but they chose not to explain the reason to us. To me, NOT explaining seems like the answer in itself. Does what I'm saying make sense? If not, Sorry English is not my first language.
If they were just very close friends, I think they would have easily explained the reason. Like, it's reassuring to have friends nearby, or that being around each other helps calm anxiety, etc.
But they didn’t. The fact that they didn't give a reason leads me to believe that they simply didn't want to be apart from each other.
As I said at the beginning, I don't care whether they're more than friends or not, but if they want to be together, I hope that happens. Thank you for listening to my strange rumbling.
Hey anon,
I don’t think Jimin and Jungkook need to explain why they choose to enlist together regardless of whether they are a couple or not. Let’s normalize not getting explainations for everything the members decide to do and us not getting an explaination from them doesn’t necessarily mean that they are together. We might still get an explaination sometime but even if we don’t then that’s fine. I don’t care why they decided to enlist together, all that matters to me is that they are together and they are happy being together. We can speculate here and there about why they chose to do it but it doesn’t really matter and even if they did decide to one day tell us why they did it, do you think they would ever tell us they did it because they couldn’t bear to be apart from each other for 18 months? Absolutely not lol.
“If they were just very close friends, I think they would have easily explained the reason. Like, it's reassuring to have friends nearby, or that being around each other helps calm anxiety, etc.”
I think this is most likely the explaination we are going to get if we ever get one lol.
I get what you mean anon but I don’t necessarily think that the fact that they haven’t spoken about it means they are together. Maybe they don’t see the need to and tbf, I think Jimin might have mentioned something about it when he spoke of how relieved he is having Jungkook by his side to rely on. Maybe to them, that is explaination enough.
Just like you, i’m not crazy about if they are lovers or not, I believe they are but at the end of the day what I enjoy most about them is their beautiful bond and friendship and them possibly being lovers is just a added bonus.
Thanks anon💜
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