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westwingwolf · 1 year ago

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Why the Chenford Break Up Era Needs to Come to a Close Sooner Rather than Later on The Rookie...

I've expressed my opinion on the Chenford break over several long posts in the Chenford Discord. I'm sure I've annoyed them plenty with my thoughts, but I needed a place to vent so thank you for being patient with me and letting me rant. I swear I am trying to do better, but maybe getting all of my thoughts out in once place will finally calm the beast inside me enough to hold back any further ranting. This post will focus on what should come next after the break up, and not my opinions on whether the break up should have happened at all. It's over. It's done. We're here now, and I have to accept that so I can move on to enjoy what comes next.

Anyways, I thought I would collect all my thoughts here for those of you who are not in the discord. Whether you agree or disagree with me, that's fine. I'm making this public so I know I am opening myself up to disagreements. Just know I'm likely to respond if I can, and I'm less likely to give up discussing my opinion until long after it is necessary. So fair warning, everyone should proceed with caution.

On the highly unlikely chance that someone involved with the show sees this and it makes them think about what stories the show wants to tell, then feel free to share.

I foresee this getting long as the introduction is already this long, so proceed behind the cut if you dare... (Spoiler alert: it is very long.)

First off in most typical break up storylines on television (Because keep in mind I am strictly talking about how these storylines are portrayed in fiction for maximum dramatic effect. Real life is a totally different thing.) , there are certain elements that play out in a break up that is always meant to be temporary. And make no mistake, I do believe this break up is temporary. I refuse to believe otherwise. It's just a matter of how temporary will it be. I must also commend the writers for hitting these elements in a quicker fashion than I expected. (Whether that turns out to be a good thing or not depends on what comes next, but for now I like it.)

Avoiding each other and thereby avoiding fixing the issues that caused the break up. This element is the biggest key in determining how long the break up can last. The longer the characters avoid talking to each other, the longer the break up can go on without being resolved. As we saw in 607 Crushed, Tim didn't want to talk about it while Lucy did. This set the stage for avoiding the issue. This could have gone on longer with Tim digging his heals in to avoid addressing the issue by first refusing to admit to it, but Tim actually did the adult thing and sought out help. Because he had been thinking about needing help all day and because Lucy gave him that final push to get it when he still wanted to avoid talking to her about their issues. That dramatically cuts into the waiting time of couples getting to the point where they can talk about their problems.

Pining for each other. I will admit I thought 608 and 609 were going to be episodes where Tim and Lucy avoided each other entirely to prolong more of this break up by not having them interact at all, but I was pleasantly surprised and glad to be proven wrong. They had their nice pining and awkward moment in Grey's office in 608 Punch Card. Tim spends time thinking about Lucy and being reminded of her birthday. That leads to the very sweet Kojo Birthday Card moment which leads to an even bigger moment of pining for each other in the hall.

Putting aside the relationship problems to help each other and be vulnerable with each other. In 609 The Squeeze even though Lucy is still hurt by the break up, she knows Tim is going through a lot, and so she does what she can to comfort him. Thereby showing that Lucy is still the one who brings out the most vulnerable side of Tim. He put on brave face for Grey and Angela and everyone else, but that moment of melting into Lucy's arms and answering that he is okay now that she's holding him showed just how much he was trying to hold it all in. And he immediately goes back to his brave front once the elevator doors open. Tim has always been his most vulnerable with Lucy and that doesn't change whether they are together or not. Like the Kojo Birthday Card moment, this shows that they still care about one another and they don't let anger from/resentment of/shame about the break up stop them from showing that they care.

Working together in spite of the break up. I was surprised by how quickly they had them working together after their break up. I knew thanks to spoilers that they would have scenes together in 610 Escape Plan, but I expected group scenes. I didn't expect the car scene. Talking about Tim's therapy. Joking about their sex life. They seemed more at ease together after a break up than I thought they would be. Which makes it hard to believe they can go back to any of the major awkwardness from before. A scene like where they can barely speak to each other in Grey's office coming after this kind of moment won't make much sense. Therefore they have to be out of the awkward post break up phase. Again something that significantly cuts down the timeline in delaying getting back together.

Having the talk about their issues or at least getting close to the talk. Now, Tim and Lucy haven't had the full discussion about the breakdown of their relationship and all of Tim's issues. But they are closer to having it 610 then they were back in 607. With Tim going to therapy, with the sense that he wants to continue therapy despite having a psychotic blackmailing therapist, and with the apology he gave Lucy in the elevator along with his promise to repay her kindness in whatever small doses she'll allow; all of that indicates that he is finally in a place to have the necessary discussion about why they broke up. And Lucy wanted to have this talk back in 607 so there no longer seems to be a reason to delay it.

So now with all the steps that The Rookie has already shown through the Chenford break up, it's time to think about what comes next. Typically once the characters finally have the talk about why they broke up, they tend to talk about if they can get back together. We know the show is going to have do a little bit of time jump. A couple of weeks at most. If they want the audience to see this discussion, they'll have to come up with a reason for why they delayed it instead having it almost immediately when the door was open for them to have it at least the next day after that elevation conversation. Which I will allow if only because I really want to see it. If you remember when Wopez broke up in season one; they indicated they needed to talk about their relationship, then the talk they had was off screen and the next time we saw them they were back together. Great for them, but after the emphasis on how important is is that Chenford needs to talk to each other about why Tim broke up with Lucy, I want to see it. So I'm willing to go along with Lucy needed a couple of weeks to wrap her head around the idea and gather her thoughts to confront Tim.

What I will not understand is if Lucy or Tim decide to delay this talk for a long period of time. Lucy wanted to have the talk from the beginning. Tim wasn't ready but there is clear indication that his ready now. In order for Lucy to have agency in this situation and regain the balance that she lost when Tim unilaterally decided to break them up, I do think Lucy needs to be the one to say she wants to talk about their relationship. I don't want it to be like Tim saying "I'm ready to talk about our relationship" and Lucy to respond with "Oh, now you're ready?!" Because she would have a right to be mad. And if Tim is being true about letting Lucy take the lead by accepting his proving how much he appreciates her in however she will allow, then he has to wait for her to make that decision. I can't see Lucy delaying for whatever reason for too long. Even if she is still hurt by his actions, her curiosity about the cause of the break up is too much for her to let it go indefinitely. Think about how she was in 607 where she was desperate to know why. Think about her behavior after Emmett broke up with her, and this is Tim. She cares about Tim way more than she ever cared about Emmett. If nothing else, that need to know why is strong in her.

Having the discussion about the break up has a huge impact on whether or not the break up storyline can continued to be prolonged or not. As long as they avoid having the discussion, the longer they can delay the characters getting back together. But Chenford has already reached the logical point where they should have the discussion. As I've shown above it doesn't make sense for Tim or Lucy to want to delay it, so it cannot work for character reasons. It also doesn't make much sense for storyline reasons because they've already done everything else they can possibly do during a typical break up storyline as I explained above. This is literally the last step. Any delay would strictly be done to drive the viewers crazy, and when your writing becomes so obvious as to manipulate an emotional response from the audience it veers into bad writing territory. Always try to keep the writing more subtle so that it works for a character or a storyline, and not so you can see the pipe laid out easily for the viewer.

Now that I've explained why they have to have the discussion right away, I will talk about how I think it should be handled and what I would like to happen because of it. And when I say right away, I mean season 7 premiere. I'll give them until 702 if they have a lot going on action wise, but no more wasting time after that.

As I said, I want Lucy to have agency. That means she decides when they have this discussion. That also means giving her a lot more control in what happens because of the discussion. I understand her heart is broken. Her trust in Tim is broken. However, I do not believe the answer in fixing any of that is by her deciding not to give Tim another chance right away. Her agency isn't going to be affected by her deciding to stay broken up with Tim. She doesn't somehow get more power or power back because she decides they can't be together right now. I also don't see Lucy punishing herself or Tim because she is hurt and angry. That's Tim behavior, not Lucy behavior. If she loves him, if she wants to be with him, then she will want to fight for them. Also she has a psychology background, is she really going to let Tim suffer because he was going through an identity crisis? Is that at all true the nature of one of the most empathetic characters on the show? Lucy's agency comes in guiding the story and taking control. If anything delaying getting back together, only keeps her level of agency in the relationship/break up at where it was before. If she chooses not to get back together with Tim now, then what will drive her to make that choice later? Something he does to change her mind? Some unknown time when she suddenly feels "ready"? Neither of those options show me she has control. True agency in her relationship is her saying "I want to be with you, but things in our relationship have to change for the better, and this is how I want to make those changes happen."

Which leads to the what I hope comes next. I want to see Tim and Lucy actually working on their relationship. I don't want them going the route of "Everything is better now that we had that break up and got back together so we never have to discuss the problems that led to our break up again." Like what was essentially done to Wopez. Or how every now and then Nolan kind of snarkily brings back up the fact that Bailey hid the truth about Jason from him, and when he does she looks like she wants to beat him over the head with a bat. Actually working on fixing the relationship is more interesting a storyline that prolonging a break up as long as possible only to pretend like everything is okay afterwards because getting back together somehow miraculously solved all their problems. The writers and actors told us the importance of this storyline was to show them as a real couple with real problems. Well, a real couple that wants to be together is going to work on their problems if they have any hope of staying together so show me Chenford working on their problems.

One way to show me Chenford working on their problems is through couple's therapy. I think watching Tim and Lucy in couple's therapy would be funny, heartwarming, and dramatically tension filled with angst when necessary. And there doesn't have to be a lot of sessions. At least not a lot shown. Alexi mentioned not wanting to do the static, almost repetitive nature of Tim in therapy even though theoretically he does want to show ways that Tim has continued therapy. So really all that is needed is one episode of Tim and Lucy in therapy. Bookend the scenes of the episode with the first meeting is them being funny and awkward about it. And the final scene has the more raw and emotional moments that are tough to watch but get them understanding each other better. Then the rest of the episodes all they have to do is talk about what they learned or discussed in therapy or trying some exorcises to improve communication and intimacy.

No matter what Tim and Lucy do to fix their relationship, one thing that is absolutely necessary is to show Tim's growth. He started showing this in the elevator scene in 610 by willingly be more emotionally vulnerable with Lucy. It's never been about that Tim can't be emotionally vulnerable with her. He's more vulnerable with her than anyone. It's about Tim willing to put himself out there without Lucy having to ask or work to pull his feelings out of him. He pushes his feelings down so much that he doesn't ask for help when he needs. He needs to learn to ask for help. And he needs to learn to accept that help when it is offered. I would like to see Tim have another personal crisis, but this time instead of hiding and ghosting Lucy, he tells her about it immediately. She doesn't even have to ask or notice that something is off about him, he just tells her that he has problem and he wants her help in whatever way she can help him. That shows that Tim has grown and that he trusts Lucy to allow her to see the messy parts of himself. We know Lucy has seen plenty of the messy side of Tim and still loves him, but there is a part of Tim who is still afraid Lucy will walk away if he causes too much trouble. That's part of the reason he broke up with her. As much as he wanted to protect her, he also wanted to protect himself by not having her walking away from him. In his mind he lost Isabel because he didn't do enough and she said that living up to his standards was too much for her. He lost Rachel because he couldn't move for her job, and she couldn't give up that opportunity either. He lost Ashley because he couldn't give up being a cop, and she couldn't deal with that kind of life for him. Time and again has shown him that he isn't enough for people all the way back to probably feeling like is some kind of disappoint to his dad. And anyone who stays with him is going to be dragged down by him. The sad irony in that Lucy feels the same way in how her parents treat her. Lucy is the person who can understand Tim the most and love him for all of it. So an opportunity for Tim to willingly put himself out there for Lucy would be a great turning point in their relationship to show it has changed for the better.

Now you are thinking, well once everything is fine between Tim and Lucy isn't that going to make things boring again and put us right back to where we were before? I would argue that things were never boring, but if you are asking if it is not better to prolong the break up so that at least Tim and Lucy have a storyline filled with tension rather than things going back to being good between them again, I say no for these reasons:

Because the working through their problems storyline is filled with tension and needs to happen. It is still wrought with tension of whether or not it will work out. Arguably more so than just waiting to see if they will change their minds about getting back together. Working on their issues means putting all those problems right back in the forefront. It means talking about them instead of avoiding them. It's raw and messy and potentially shows all the cracks in the relationship that has to be repaired.

A longer delay in getting back together means we are less likely to see them actually work on their problems. If God forbid, they take a whole season for Tim and Lucy to decide to get back together, then we don't get any of that. If we manage to get a season 8, and Tim and Lucy don't get back together until the season 7 finale, then what is likely to happen is we come back to season 8 with them saying they worked it all, are fine, and will go on happily with their lives. Which is great, but I'm still going to be pissed that I had to endure a season and a half of a break up and I didn't even get to see the effort of them working on their problems. And if we don't get a season 8, if the writers find out near the end of this season that it is their last and they spent so much time on this break up, then what we get is a rushed getting back together to leave us satisfied that they are together but not particularly happy in the execution of it.

Once they are back together, and even if they are happy, they still have other issues that could cause them problems. One is Lucy wants to work undercover. The other is the chain of command issue. These problems only have significance to Tim and Lucy's relationship if they are together. If Lucy goes undercover while her and Tim are broken up, Tim is probably still worried about her, but there isn't much he can do about it. If they are broken up, Lucy not being around because of UC is no different than Lucy not being around because they are broken up. It doesn't really capitalize on all the problems between them if they aren't together to make it an issue. Same with the chain of command problem. Doesn't really matter if they aren't together. Neither of these issues can be tackled to their full extent by the writers is Chenford is not back together first. And if these problems are solved before Chenford get back together, then it's taking away a potential storyline when Chenford inevitably gets back together. Becomes a little too easy for them if Lucy get a job out of being under Tim's chain of command and decides she doesn't want to do UC anymore before she gets back together with Tim. So get them back together sooner, and they can address the storyline sooner.

Now here we are at what storylines can Tim and Lucy have after they are back together, have worked out their problems, and seem to be in a good place.

1.) The chain of command issue: I get that it was a whole thing in 5B and eventually led to Metro Tim. Sadly, because I think the writers really do want to put focus on either Patrol or Detectives, that means no more Metro Tim. If we are all honest with ourselves, as much as we love Metro Tim, the show wasn't really do enough with him in Metro. They spent just as many storylines, if not more, figuring out how to get Tim back on Patrol and/or working with Lucy as they did doing his own Metro thing. For this reason, I think Tim is going to remain on Patrol until the end or when they promote/retire Grey so Tim becomes Watch Commander (which I hope also isn't until the end if they decide to retire Grey.) They came up with a storyline that still doesn't make any sense to me to keep Lucy from getting promoted to Detective in order to keep her on Patrol so I assume that means they want her to remain on Patrol for as long as possible too. (Seriously, Primm, you got promoted and presumably a position you wanted because of Lucy so take your male ego and shove it up your ass.) So that means Tim and Lucy both on Patrol for the foreseeable future. As mentioned above this isn't an issue for them until they get back together so it's not an issue the writers need to address until they get back together. And no point in fixing it prior to that if they want to have the storyline. But how to fix it?

Simple answer: Sergeant Grey says it is okay for them to date. Yeah, that seems to fly in the face of making it an issue the first time around. But Grey was also there for that time. He saw what Tim and Lucy were willing to sacrifice to be together. He saw what those sacrifices ultimately led to. He paired them to work together even when they were dating and knows they can still work together well. They weren't too terrible even during the adjustment period of their break up so he didn't have to say anything more than once about making it work. If he sees them working just as well together as they are broken up, and none of it causes problems, then he can make the call to let them date. Chain of command issue be damned if he says it is not a problem. Especially if he doesn't want to lose one or two of his best officers. At this point, Chenford has been through enough so who is really going to care? Are the fans going to put up a big fuss if it means if we get to see Tim and Lucy not only dating but also working together? If the writers insist they have to remain on Patrol, then this is a concession they have to give us to make it work.

More complicated answer: Promotions As unlikely as it seems, I say just give everyone the necessary promotions. That starts with promoting Grey to captain. (Shh. I don't care about Lieutenant. ) Grey has been treated like the show's captain since Captain Andersen died. He is always in charge for the big events. Angela and Nyla go to Grey to talk about cases even though he isn't their boss anymore because they work in the Detective department. When Tim got promoted and worked in Metro, he was the same rank as Grey and answered to Pine, and yet somehow he usually answered to Grey anyway. The LAPD is currently going through a big shake up; some higher ups were probably compromised with this whole blackmail scandal. I'm sure one or two captains could have lost their jobs/rank. Promoting Grey wouldn't really change anything storywise in terms of what he does, but it would make more sense. Once Grey is promoted, Tim becomes Watch Commander. During this time Lucy takes the sergeant exam and passes easily. Grey creates a position in which Lucy is now his aide. She becomes his right hand woman when crisis mode. She can work on Patrol as sort of a liason role like Tim had in Metro so she can keep doing Patrol storylines. And if Grey is okay with it, she can even do some undercover work when necessary. It keeps Lucy available for all potential storylines while also giving her a well deserved promotion. And she will officially be under Grey's chain of command only and not Tim's.

2.) Tim and Lucy moving in together storyline. Once Tim and Lucy are back together, things get awkward for Celina as she now takes over Tamara's role of constantly catching Tim and Lucy in the middle of kissing. And maybe other things. Only a thousands time worse for everyone because Tim is Celina's boss and they all work together. Celina doesn't want to know that much about her boss/coworker's sex life, and they wouldn't like her knowing about it either. So after some very humorous and awkward moments, Tim and Lucy discuss moving in together. Are they prepared for this? Are in they in a good place after their break up? (Which is another reason they should get back together soon rather than later so there is more time between being in a good place and moving in together so it makes more sense.) Do they want to move in together to a place they already have or find a new place all together that is all their own? If they find a new place, they don't have to worry about Tim's home looking different yet again. That's at least two or three episodes. Build up the awkwardness with Celina, have the discussion about moving in, finding a place and moving in.

3.) Lucy getting a longterm undercover assignment opportunity. This storyline would ideally happen just as Tim and Lucy feel happy and secure in their relationship and have taken a big step like moving in together. They finally have to discuss what this means for them and if they truly can handle it. I think Lucy will have to take it and they will be able to make it work because they've put in all the effort that came before with working on repairing their relationship to make it stronger. If the show gets an 8th season, I can see this as a cliffhanger so that they can use the break between seasons to be a time jump so Lucy can be UC for months without having to isolate her for too long from the rest of the characters. Come back in the season 8 premiere with the end of the assignment winding down to an big action packed finish worthy of a premiere. And then Lucy decides she hates the isolation of longterm UC because she is a social person who needs to be around the people she loves. So she never does longterm UC again, and it is no longer an issue for Tim and Lucy. If this is the final season, then same storyline and outcome but sped up over a few episodes with an even more dramatic conclusion of Tim & Lucy hating being apart so they decide to get married.

And finally, I present you with the additional benefits of getting Tim and Lucy back together sooner rather later:

Secret Dating Era Redux: Tim and Lucy hiding their relationship once again, but this time it's more difficult and potentially more funny. Tim sneaking out of Lucy's apartment early in the morning without getting caught by Celina. Tim and Lucy having to act sad about being broken up even though they are back together. Other people trying to set them up in front of each other, and having to come up with excuses to say no. All coming to the ultimate conclusion where everyone finds out they are dating again. Just want the fans wanted: the everyone finds out reveal. I say Nolan should still be the last to know.

Tim finds out out Lucy dated Nolan: Maybe it comes up in their therapy sessions. Maybe Lucy mentions it when she talks about the issue with dating a cop. Whatever the way it happens, it's best if Tim and Lucy are together when he finds outs to really milk it for a potential issue. Also great to see Tim finding ways to take out his annoyance about it on Nolan. Bonus points if it if happens during the secret dating era redux so Nolan has no idea why Tim is mad at him.

Tim and Lucy having fun arguments again: Comparing their first date to their second first date or whether it's their second second first date. What counts as their anniversary? When they started dating? When they started dating again? Do they have two anniversaries? Does Lucy only want two anniversaries because she wants twice as many presents? The list goes on and on for how they can try to put humor into the idea of the break up once they know they are going to be okay after getting back together.

So there you have all my reasons for why and how Tim and Lucy should get back together sooner rather than later. I know we all want them pining for each other. I get it, but ask yourself how much time do you really want to wait to see them get back together. After the initial break up, there was a three week break of no new episodes, then four episodes where they are broken up, and now we wait 8 months just to see season 7. So that's 10 months of dealing with this break up already, and we don’t even know how much longer it will take. Do you want to wait even longer or do you want to see Tim and Lucy fix their relationship as soon as possible?

As a treat for those who suffered through this long ass rambling of my thoughts, I present you with a snippet of my new multichapter fic which I hope to finish soon so I can begin posting it in July. It's a Chenford fic based on the Once Upon A Time tv series concept. Basically if fairy tale characters were in the real world.

After they finish their meals, Lucy brings Tamara a pillow and a blanket for the night. When Tim sees that she has brought a second pillow and blanket for herself, he asks, “What do you think you are doing?”

“Staying the night with Tamara,” Lucy answers plainly like that should be obvious.

“This isn’t a slumber party. She is still our prisoner. You actually have to guard her,” Tim insists.

Lucy scoffs in disbelief. “You don’t trust me to do my job?”

“I trust you implicitly. I don’t trust her,” he points at Tamara, “not to give you some sob story that tugs at your heartstrings and has you handing over the keys.”

“You know what? Fine.” Lucy takes said keys and opens the cell. Stepping inside she throws down her pillow and blanket on the other bed. She then reaches her arm through the bars to lock the door from the inside before tossing the keys back to Tim. “You can let me out in the morning, and not have to worry about our prisoner escaping in the middle of the night.”

“And what are you going to do if there is a fire or an earthquake?” Tim asks smugly, thinking he has the upper hand.

Lucy shrugs as she challenges him on that unlikely scenario. “I guess I’ll have to trust that you can race back here quickly enough to let us out before the building crashes down on us.”

Tim doesn’t respond. Instead he leaves, and Tamara thinks he is admitting defeat and going home. But he quickly returns with his own pillow. “Just how many pillows does Smitty keep in this place?”

“Enough to build a fort,” Lucy answers as she sets up her bed. Not surprised at all that Tim is choosing to stay.

“Figures,” Tim responds as he puts his feet up on the desk while situating his pillow between his head and his chair. “Don’t stay up too late gossiping. We have a trial to attend in the morning.”

Lucy shakes her head, but fondly tells him, “Goodnight, sir.”

Tim answers with a grunt and nothing more.

Lucy seems less interested in gossiping and more interested in telling ghost stories. “Have you ever heard the one about Gracey Manor? It’s a local legend about the mansion that rests on the highest hill at the edge of town.”

Tamara and Lucy spend the next couple of hours talking and playing with a deck of cards Lucy brought with her. When they finally do go to sleep, Tim’s eyes are still closed, but Tamara has the sneaking suspicion that he is only resting his eyes. That if any trouble were to happen in the middle of the night, he would awake alert and ready to perform his duties. She knows her own experiences have kept her mindful of never allowing herself to fall too deep into sleep, but she can only wonder why Sheriff Bradford would learn such behavior.

#chenford #the rookie #tim bradford #lucy chen #lucy x tim #speculation #a whole lot of speculation #long post #really long post

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strangeaxel · 21 days ago

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Oh my god. I'm so fucking tired. (Ultra important)

Guys...just a quick question for all of you :3!!!... ARE YALL FUCKING RETARDED? Oh my god.

Okay, for those who don't know: a few days ago i vented about a situation i went with my ex friend devilsp3rm, i deleted the post after about 2 minutes after i posted it cuz i was trying to answer to a worried anon that just wanted to avoid posting stuff i didn't like, i answered and deleted the post as quick as i could, in fact, i deleted all my posts talking about any opps cuz i just wanted to vent and that was it. But apparently, it seems that there was a case of misinformation spread around about what my posts were about and y'all started literally harassing Devil.

In my post i talked about how Devil used to bully me, she was very shitty to me and how we had very rough moments together through our friendship, and how i didn't like one of hwr friends for being too edgy and being associated with her. The post was made with the intention of just telling the anon what people i didn't like to see being rebloged and how that affected me in a emotional level, i was very clear on my post about a lot of stuff like "this is just for people to know who I don't like" and i never ever fucking NEVER told ya to go harass ANYONE, cuz I don't like drama, i never liked it neither does Devil as she's very sensitive and although we went through a lot of stuff, she doesn't deserve to be harass for this. Now... You would be wondering, why would they harass her?

THAT'S THE SAME QUESTION IM ASKING MYSELF.

Cuz.... Apparently, someone, idk who, started to spread the rumour that i said that devil was A SEXUAL ABUSER WHO GROOMED ME.... uhm...excuse me bUT WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK? i know some of you didn't saw the original post cuz i deleted it very very fast but NEVER HAVE I EVER SAID she'S A GROOMER, CUZ she IS NOT. Devil just like me is a SA victim, the only thing i can think about why someone would say such thing about devil is just being fucking retarded cuz, i said specifically on my post how devil and i ARE THE SAME AGE, we grew up together online!! When she was 15 i was 15 as well, we been friends since we were kids for fucks sakes.

There's people harassing Devil, telling her that she's an abuser, a groomer, telling her i took screenshots of chats?? And deleted them??? When i literally said on my posts that i DIDN'T HAD ANYYY SCREENSHOTS IN THE FIRST PLACE cuz i didn't take ANY, and if there's no screenshots then there's Nothing to delete. So now... Please shut the fuck up. All i wanted was to talk about a shitty situation i went through with Devilsperm as former friends.

Today i got an ask telling me how devil was making a call out post about me, i saw weird stuff like her saying i accused her of being a pedophile which she isn't and i know she would NEVER do such horrible acts. she used to be a bully, not a sexual predator (It could have been my bad English...) i contacted Devil through whatsapp, she answered and we talked about what happened. We sorted things out and now everything is fine, i apologize for any stress i caused her and she once again apologized about all the stuff she did to me in the past, cuz although we had bad moments, she wasn't the best person, she isn't a monster, stop treating her as a monster who could have done such thing like that. Although things are still a little tense between us after all the harassment we both went through, we don't discard the possibility of becoming friends again now as both conscious grown adults who can talk stuff out. Stuff went too far.

I sincerely have no fucking words to describe how disgusted i am of my fanbase. I swear, i have no fucking words. It seems like you didn't only create lies about what i said to hurt devil but also to hurt me. Now, please, i fucking beg you to NEVER harass anyone i have beef with or did something to me, NEVER, devil showed me all the stuff you guys told her on anonymous and on her twitter, y'all are fucking disgusting, i know you wanted to help, to make me feel better even if you didn't fully understood the situation but this was NEVER THE WAY. Now devil has deleted her tumblr all cause of this, i never meant for this to happen and i hope she can come back again someday.

Devil and i have suffered a lot through these past days, she apologized for what she did to me in the past and now it was my time to apologize for stuff that although i didn't meant to say and never did, my fans did and that hurt her. I hope someday we can be friends again, putting our past and differences aside.

That's all what i wanted to say.

Edit: with this harassment and drama yall made y'all not only disrespecting her BUT ALSO ME. Cuz i already told all of you to NOT HARASS HER just maybe avoid her content if you were my mutual or close friend. I already said I don't like drama, we just agreed on private to make a post about this situation to clear things up

#diary post #IMPORTANT.#IM VERY VERY SORRY IF I MISGENDER HER IN THE POST I TRIED TO EDIT IT CUZ I JUST KNOW GOT THE NEWS THAT SHE GOES BY SHE/IT NOW!!!

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mattdrawssometimes · 11 months ago

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Tw for $h/$u1c1de mentions/4buse mentions/ky$ "jokes"/doxxing/HUGE VENT POST

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Holy shit, I didn't really think I would be this affected by the hateful anon going around, but oh boy I was wrong. Like, I didn't get any asks, which I'm grateful for but this situation really reminded me of something that happened to me and I'm getting super paranoid.

Like, this is really hard for me to tell, but I wanted to let my amazing followers know why I'm going to take a break from Tumblr (and get things out of my system), because I swear that this is just bringing memories.

So, it's something I don't hide much, I am a minor. I am 14. Two years ago I started going through a horrible phase in which I started suffering from a lot of suicidal thoughts and even started sh (I am not proud of it and can gladly say I had gotten out of it), and I had a super low self-esteem plus I even tried twice to starve myself, yet I decided to date two people. Things with the first guy were okay, they didn't end that well but with the other one? It was horrible.

Well, things went by, two failed attempts of suicide two. We lasted 4 months. From December to April. When we broke up (I was 13) everything was fine, but suddenly he started spreading rumors about me having abused him, saying that I really had never loved him and just dating him because why not and things like that. I forgave the guy (horrible mistake) and everything was fine.

Everything was fine until fucking June, it was around the last days of school. In a gc with one of my best friends and this guy joined someone that just started saying stuff to scare us, I just thought it was a troll and didn't mind it. We kicked this person out and a few hours later the guy joined a friend of his that had the same banner as the pfp from this "troll". I was suspicious at first, but anyways. This person that joined soon started sending messages to me and shit talking about the guy. The guy was my friend, so I sent him screenshots. Well, turns out they were on a fucking call. The random person started calling me a lot of transphobic slurs and generally calling me a prostitute and a slut/bitch/whore. They sent a picture of a whorehouse and told me I worked there. Then they started telling me to go and finally kill myself, that there were knifes on my kitchen I could go ahead and use to end with my pathetic life. This affected me way too much, the worst thing? That person had my fucking full name (name and both last names), my city and my school because my ex told him. I was fucking 13 and this person was around 21. That was the last time I attempted something. I spent a whole week super paranoid only to find out it was all a "joke" my ex and this person had settled.

This anon thing is really reminding me of all this, that's why I will be taking a break, so, goodbye y'all until I come back. I won't tag this because I don't feel like it. Take care y'all<3.

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nrdmssgs · 2 years ago

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A heart full of pity (part 3)

Masterlist Part 1 Part 2

Part 4 (final)

Angst, hurt/comfort, fluff

Summary: Cruelty leads to cruelty. This circle is difficult to break apart, sometimes it ends up breeding monsters, chimeras. But if one participant finds the strength to show compassion: there is hope for everyone.

TW: Mention of scars left by an injury (burns). Swearing. Thanks: @homicidal-slvt opened this portal for me and helped me share something very personal. I can never thank her enough. Check out her absolutely beautiful Nik drabble. @sofasoap created Lastochka series and got me absolutely enamored by a character I, could barely stand before. This is the real power of writing. And my dear @gamergirlbones who woke up one morning and decided to be the best, most supporting and encouraging person out there.

Authors note: Guys, Im sorry, I have to split ending in 2 parts! But I will post both right away.

Others slowly but surely noticed the changes. Of course Price was the first one, when he saw, how careful was Nik while helping her out of the car. Their debriefing was short. The documents that they brought back from the mission spoke for themselves: 141 got into a big fight, which they knew very little about before.

“How are you?” Price skimmed through the papers and looked up at her. She glanced warily at Nik, but he was clearly not going to interfere in the conversation. “I'm going to be fine, captain.”

“Yeah, so why every time I hear that, we are talking major injuries in the tf?..” Price muttered under his breath, giving one final look at the documents. “Nikolai, a friendly favor: take this one to the hospital right now and make sure she doesn't exit it the next minute you turn away.” Captain stopped them at the door of his office, calling her name. "Impressive work out there. Keep it this way."

For a while they drove along the night country roads in silence. Both were lost in their own thoughts. Outside the car was pitch darkness and only rare pointers reflected the headlights. “I think Price hates, how I executed the whole thing.” She almost didn't expect Nik to answer - just wanted to say out loud, what was on her mind. “How we executed it. And the last time I checked, he called our work impressive.” He pats her shoulder, not looking away from the road.

“That's the thing. You ever heard him calling anybodys` performance impressive? Clean, effective, messy - yes, he uses that. But “impressive”? I worked with the man for many years, and I hear it for the first time.” She's clearly venting, and Nik just lets her go, comforting her with his hand on her shoulder.

***

The first time she reunited with others from 141 was weeks later, when she was out of the hospital, and others from the task force came back from yet another mission. Their plane was descending on the landing strip.

Gaz notices her sitting on the ground near hangars, her arms buried up to the elbows in the open belly of Nik's helicopter. He nudges Ghost and nods at the porthole. "World War III begins in 3...2...1..." Ghost eyes her for a moment, then looks to the far hanger, from which Nikolai emerges. “I'm not standing between those two, when they're on each others` throats,” Simons` voice is muffled, but he is clearly not amused by what might happen, when two of his colleagues might start a full-blown fight over that helicopter.

"My twenty says that they will now peacefully dig under the hood of a copter side by side." Price suddenly intervenes in their conversation.

“Thirty and you deal with them if there's blood,” answers Gaz.

When they finally land and exit the plane, Nik sits beside and helps her, explaining something, pointing to a few spots on the helicopter and giving her a reassuring firm grasp on the shoulder. “What the hell just happened?” Gas is utterly confused.

"I just made 60 pounds - that's what happened." Price has the most cocky and satisfied grin, a man could ever master. “I didn't bet,” mutters Ghost.

***

Since then, she and Nik are often spotted together. Sometimes they are working in one of the hangars on Nikolais` bird, sometimes they just sit on the steps next to the barracks and chat. Sometimes he grins, leans closer to her ear and quietly says something in Russian, and she bursts out with laughter. They develop inner jokes, they are unable to explain to others, little gestures of care, reserved only for each other. But most importantly: the tension that appeared earlier in any room where they were forced to be together disappears.

She still can't participate in the operations, since they grew much more heated. So all she is left is to sit in the office, doing paperwork and greet others after missions. And of course, there are hospital visits. Her least favorite part, because she is so eager to be back in the game, to fight along them. And instead, she gets check up after minor operation after check up after yet another operation. Nik tries to make it better, cheering her up, saying his ‘do svidaniya*’ and furtively stuffing sweets into her jacket pockets so that the hospital diet doesn't finish her off. He finds himself missing their chats, when they are apart, so he makes sure to write her time to time. Usually she gets just a nice encouraging message, something like “You survived soviet medicine*, at this point you're gonna make through anything, little one”. But sometimes Nikolai lets himself be more sincere. “The base looks empty without you.”

“I've left just a day ago. It's your way to say, you miss me?”

“That… And I may or may not look for anybody, who could give me an alibi, while I talk to one particular Sergeant, that got way too creative with customizing his seat in my heli.”

“... Nik, radi vsego svyatogo, ostav` vospitanie Maktavisha ego kapitanu*.”

When Nikolai leaves 141 for a long time for private business - something changes. It doesn't happen overnight: she just gradually starts responding to his messages more rarely. Although he knows, there may be many simple reasons for that - he can't help, but worry. Nik knows he can always make a call, and of course Price would alert him immediately if anything serious happened. But his gut tells him that something is wrong, way worse than “she slipped back into ‘oh he is a bad mean FSB-guy, i'll ignore him’ paranoia”.

***

So naturally, the first place he visits back in the UK base is Prices` office. After talking business, Nikolai asks captain, how is she. “I was hoping, you'd tell me…” Prices` face darkens by a scowl while he is rummaging through a pile of papers. Finally, a document falls on the table in front of Nik's face. Letter of resignation, signed by her. “Don't worry, I'm not certifying anything, until she uses our insurance to a full advantage. This may take months. But it's the least I can do.” “She's here?” Nikolai slowly lifts his gaze from her letter. “No, she has another screening session in the hospital. Rents a tiny apartment, so that she doesn't have to lie in a hospital bed all day. Think, I've had her address somewhere.”

Nik tries to not break speed limits, he really does. But a rage, rising somewhere deep inside his chest, doesn't help. He is angry at himself for being so ignorant, for not noticing that passion in her eyes burning out. How many times he witnessed her volunteering for a mission and Price turning her down, because he couldn't risk her? And that was before he left, so he doesn't know, how many more times she met that wall with her forehead. He left her alone at the exact moment, she needed him the most. Arriving at the house where she temporarily rented an apartment, Nikolai forced himself to take a deep breath and calm down.

She quickly answers the knock on the door. Despite the hot summer evening, she wrapped herself in a huge sweatshirt. First, she looks at Nik incomprehensibly, as if she did not recognize him. But then she shakes her head and speaks jazzily. "Hey, what are you doing here? Come in, I was just thinking about you!" “Considering the late hour, I hope, your thoughts were sinful.” Nikolai chuckles, letting her drag him in the apartment, but almost stumbles, when she plainly answers him. “Well, actually yes.” As he follows her to a compact kitchenette, she adds, “I was about to indulge in the sin of gluttony and was trying to remember how you prepared that thing on a mission ... Great, I even forgot the name of it.”

He softly pushes her away from the stove and looks at the set of groceries. "I might just have an idea, what you had on your mind. Go sit, I'll figure out your ‘thing’, little one." Before she goes, Nik feels her hands clasping around his chest in a short, tight hug. “Spasibo, chto navestil. Ya tak po vsem vam skuchaiu, ti ne predstavlyaesh*.” She is so lively and bubbly in comparison to the last time, he saw her, it's almost easy to decide, she is happy. But Nikolai feels, she is not relaxed. Her smiles, jokes and touches - everything feels like a facade, hiding something.

He is patient though: he cooks and shares diner with her, then tells her about the places he went to, some people he met. It's only when she yawns and stretches, he finally asks her. “So, what are your plans for the future?”

She frowns, smile still plastered to her face, yet eyes growing cold. “Price told you?”

“Don't be mad at him. I'd find out one way or another. Captain just saved us time. And by no means I came here to lecture you. It's your life, your decisions. All I wanted to know is why and what's next.” Nikolai speaks in a friendly tone, easing her into conversation.

She brushes the crumbs off the table and sits beside him. “Why? Because for years I've begged Price to accept me to the team. For years, Nikolai! While the rest of his crew got invitations from him, I climbed up the walls so that he would notice me. It means, Price was doubting me, but still gave me a chance. All I had to do is to prove myself worthy of his trust. And instead I throw a tantrum, refusing to work with you, then I almost go KIA. And after that I, a proud member of the 141, start a freaking street riot, even though I know very well that Price and the others always work nice and quiet!” She squeezes and spits the words out of her throat, trying to not raise her voice. “All I did for the last few months - I costed Price a great deal of money. I do nothing. Moving papers along his desk doesn't count, you could teach a goat to do that. This is not the way you thank someone, who gave you the chance of your life.” Niks eyes are glued to her face. He doesn't interrupt, although he disagrees with her. He just lets her share this pain. When she goes silent, he rubs her back. “Looks, like the Captain is your hero of a sort…”

She hides her gaze somewhere between a countertop and a wall. “What, you want to get jealous now?” “My plans, my dear, never included becoming your idol or role model.” His breath rolls hot just above a tip of her ear. “You know, I have another perspective on your situation. With all your respect, I've been working with the Captain long before you met him. And let me tell you one thing: Price picks his men very carefully. But if he lets you in: he won't turn you down ever. You are in 141 till the end, you like it or not.” She turns to him, but Nikolai doesn't let her question him further on the topic of Prices` personal traits. As a professional negotiator, he understands, that the only way, he may get the answers, he needs, is to push for them right now. “Now, to the part, I'm most interested in: your plans.” She goes silent, trying to come with anything. After an obviously too long pause, she finally confesses. “Nikolai, there are… no specific plans. I just get out of military, find some place to work… I don't know, maybe someone looks for a personal assistant or a secretary.” “A personal assistant to help you sort through your paperwork and take your business partner hostage if the meeting don't go according to plan? Sounds like a great CV."

"Stop scoffing!" She slams her palms loudly on the tabletop. "What do you want from me? I have enough self-respect to stop feeding of Prices mercy, since I let him down. I'm just trying to figure out my life without 141. Or are you suggesting that I put on a mask on my face, take an edgy call sign like "phoenix" and go solo to get revenge on all my offenders? Don't be ridiculous, I'm too old for that sketchy shit!”

Nik looks absolutely unbothered, he gives her time to hear and analyze her own words and tone. Only when a guilty blush appears on her cheeks, he answers. “Someone's got teeth, I see. But you can't just drop something like that and pretend, you don't know, John Price took this guy, who was believed to be absolutely uncooperative. When they started working together, no one even heard a name ‘Ghost’.”

“Don't compare us. With his skills, Simon Riley can overthrow a few governments a week and Price would still want to keep him. Gods, anyone on Prices place would frankly want the same. Lt is on another level, and it's too late for me to even try to get there.” She holds her open palms up in a gesture of conciliation. “Look, Nikolai, I`m sorry. I hate it more, than anyone of you guys, but this just has to be done. I will not drag the whole team to the bottom, I will leave quietly, no drama. I promise we'll all meet in a pub sometime in a few years and have nothing, but laughs about the times I pretended to be a soldier."

“Little one, maybe you can manage to escape Price, but I'm not letting you anywhere that easily. What you need is not jolly reunions on a grave of your career - you need… Oh, and I just might be able to provide it…” She doesn't like the smile with which Nik says it, but she doesn't have time to get a word in before he gets up and walks out into the hallway. "How much longer might they need to screen you? A couple of days?" She jumps up and hurries after him. "Yeah, I guess. Wait, what are you even talking about?"

Nikolai stops at the door. "I'm talking about a little break. You can think of it like a vacation. I'll pick you up in 2 days."

“Remind me, what state of mind I was in, when I agreed to this?” She flicks through the magazine in annoyance, as if such an action might magically reveal anything other than a couple of uninteresting travel articles and a list of duty-free goods.

“I'm a charmer, and you just can't say no to me.” Nikolai purrs, leaning back in his seat. “Are that the same words, you marched with in Prices` office, when you convinced him to let me with you?” She looks him up and down and takes her plastic cup of water.

“Getting jealous? Don't worry, you are my only one. Besides, what happens in the Caps office - stays there.” For the next 10 minutes straight she fights for her life, choking on a water, she was drinking. It looks like anything but a vacation. They move from city to city, attend meetings where Nikolai negotiates, argues, trades in several languages simultaneously. She is left to silently sit in the far corner and make a stern face, because Nikolai for some reason introduces her as his business partner. In fact, she has no idea what these meetings are about. Knowing Nik, these could be harmless contracts, or they could be deals for the resale of weapons of mass destruction. This is more interesting than loitering around the base or sitting in line at the hospital. But every day she gets more and more nervous. Nikolai promises her that he will need her help soon, but the next day comes, and she still silently follows him, wrapping herself in thick warm shirts and cursing the scorching sun.

One morning, when she is already beginning to confuse where they were yesterday and where they got last night, he stops their car by an old unkempt park overgrown with wild grass and low sparse shrubs. “The stage is yours now: this meeting is on you. We either get this contract or not.” Nikolai opens the door and holds out his hand to her, helping her out of the car. "What!? What meeting, what kind of ‘we’, what contract? Nikolai, you're out of your mind, I don't understand what's going on here at all!" She yanks her hand out of his with force and presses her back into the car seat.

“The kind of ‘we’, that starts with you and me. Now come on, we don't want to make our client wait. You can always turn the deal down if you don't feel, you can do it.” She is amazed at this incredible ability of him to give detailed answers that somehow do not carry any information. But now there was not the right time to appreciate his many talents, as she saw a lone figure standing beside an old tree. As they approached ‘the client’ Nik introduced them. “Farah, this is the one, I was talking about. She is the best, I could ever offer for your task.” He turns and goes on. “This is Farah, a dear friend…” “No, Nik, that is not the way you introduce the Farah Karim.” She looks down on a woman, she heard so much about and never even dreamt to met. “You know me?” Farah eyes widen in surprise. “Had a pleasure to work with mister Keller on one of our missions. Safe to say, I know you better than him after all his stories.” She speaks to Farah in a completely different voice: soft and caring. Convinced that they got along well and fast, Nikolai backs off and lets them talk things over in private.

She and Farah wander together along old paths covered with layers of dry grass. At first, they do not even discuss future objectives, but simply talk about life, get to know each other. But then she asks Farah ‘why not Price or Alex? Why me?’. “Nikolai said, he'd trust you with his life. And Price and Alex are exceptionally good, but… we are talking your territory here.” Farahs` gaze darkens, becomes heavy.

“My territory? You need to extract someone or something from Russia? I guess, Nik didn't tell you, It's a long time I haven't visited my home country?” She understands, this confession might cost Nik his contract, but she could never lie to such a client. But when Farah starts explaining the whole situation, lays out a map of her hometown on an old bench and traces a large area with her fingers with the words "the man, we are looking for… we got his phone ping from this area", her face changes. She takes Farahs` hand and moves it a good 10 centimeters left. “Here. If he is valuable to Russian superiors, they'll keep him here.” After that moment there is no way back, as she understands, that she's going to find the man, Farah needs, at any cost. That insect thought, he could hide in Russia. Well, he should have thought better.

When she comes back to their car, Nik asks, how it went. “Looks like you and I have a work to do.” He smiles to himself: everything is going just as planned. *** “Just of interest: is it Farah or specifics of the task, that got your attention?” Niks` voice wakes her from a peaceful slumber, when they arrive to an airport. “Well, it turns out, you are not the only charmer, I can't say no to.” Her answer is vague, but Nikolai doesn't mind: in her place, he would rush to help Farah as eagerly as she did. At the check-in desk, they are given tickets to seats at opposite ends of the plane. Nik is about to move on when suddenly she grabs his arm, pulls him closer and presses her soft lips against his cheek. He freezes for a moment and looks from her to the airport employee. "After this flight, I will have to part with him for several months. Can we sit next to each other? I cherish every second i'm close to him. Please!” She coaxes the employee behind the counter with the most innocent look and gentle cooing voice. Nik doesn't hesitate to play along: he hides his smirk, burying his face in her hair and embraces her with all care and tenderness, he could demonstrate. When they walk away with new tickets, he leans in and whispers. “Oh, what a drama, ‘my love’. Don't know, how will you make it through several months without my loving hands.” She grins. “Ok, Nikolai, next time I'll be straight and admit, that I have a kidnapping to discuss with my business-partner.” “I'm not discussing work with you on that plane. I have a poor girl to comfort as she is about to part her ways with me, remember? What a lover would I be to trade that for your boring planing?” “And what for did I play out this tragedy there at the registration in the first place? For you to ignore me?” She stops with a bewildered look.

“Never said, I'd ignore you - I just won't talk business.” He gently pushes her forward to their gate. “As for your reasoning? Don't know, maybe you're aiming for BAFTA award, maybe you're developing separation anxiety…” As they board the plane, she catches herself thinking that she has lost count of their flights and moves over the past week and a half. But she finally feels alive, and it's worth every time he woke her up before dawn, every meeting where she just propped herself up against a wall, every half-joking half-flirting that Nik allowed himself to confuse her more and more. “One question.” Nikolai hears that and turns away immediately, but she doesn't surrender. “Just one, I promise. And after that you are free to go comfort whoever you want. Funding. If you want me to get in this fight - tell me, what we have.” Instead of answering, he pulls out a heavy folder and places it on her lap. There is a small inscription on the first sheet in the corner. "Project C". She flips through the pages and her hands go cold. At first glance, the folder is filled with accounting records, financial plans, personal profiles, and some dry statistics. But she had seen similar documents before when Laswell visited their base.

"Nikolai, I needed a pair of good men, maybe some techs and wheels, and this is a full private military..." “It's just a club for friends.” He cuts her off, brushing hair from her face. “But you could help me to grow it into something big and beautiful. That is, of course, if you don't change your mind about quitting 141.” Suddenly everything Nik has done for the past weeks starts making sense. All those meetings, he dragged her in - it was business pitches, where he not only discussed his plans, but also showed off his partner, demonstrating, that his organization is being approved by the famed Prices` TF. Even Farahs` contract now looks suspiciously lucrative for Nikolai: the perfect "trial run" mission. By no means was it a vacation: Nik just hunted for a new team member. For the rest of the flight, she doesn't let go of the folder and reads sheet by sheet without missing a single digit.

*do svidaniya (here and below Russian) - Goodbye.

*soviet medicine - Russians sometime refer to any medical procedures or Russian medicament as to "soviet" hinting that their quality has not improved since the days of the Soviet Union. So here Nik is just saying, she is a tough one and will overcome everything.

*Nik, radi vsego svyatogo, ostav vospitanie Maktavisha ego kapitanu - Nik, for heaven's sake, leave Mactavishes upbringing to his captain.

*Spasibo, chto navestil. Ya tak po vsem vam skuchaiu, ti ne predstavlyaesh - Thank you for visiting. I miss you all so much, you have no idea.

#cod #cod modern warfare #cod mw2 #cod mv2 #cod x reader #cod fanfic #call of duty mw2 #call of duty #mw2 x reader #modern warfare 2 #call of duty modern warfare 2 #cod mwii #mw2 fanfic #cod nikolai #nikolai cod #nikolai x you #cod x oc #nikolai x reader

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a-mess-of-a-crow · 2 years ago

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The discord update is a hot mess and here is why=

New Ui. You had everything in one scroll bar, a bit annoying sometimes you but you didn't need an extra tap. Now if you want to talk between server and dms, you need 2 extra taps, if you go to dms. Because it doesn't keep you in the same dm. Btw, it also doesn't autoscroll down in dms and servers. It keeps you where you were (more tapping by the arrow on the side) I get the idea behind it, but that is the same unnecessary scrolling as you had before in the server list, less even. Also= when you are in the server and get pinged, it showed a little @ thing in red that you could click and it transported you where you got pinged. Still there! But it doesn't transport you anymore = more scrolling. And then technically unnecessary.

Also bad reception. When you had bad reception before, in the servers that had roles that restricted messaging, you couldn't message for a hot second but then you were fine. NOW IT TAKES FOREVER AND YOU CANT WRITE ANYWHERE. Thanks discord, I'm sitting there, takes 10 full seconds. They tried to make things simpler by making it more complicated. I hate this new update and want to get rid of it, but apparently they patched it so people can't undo the update. Fml.

This has to be my first vent post, and I'm sorry for it. I'm so sleep deprived that I'm very emotional right now.

Edit= THE LAGS! IT LAGS SO MUCH! YOU THINK YOU ARE WRITING IN THE SAME CHAT AS BEFORE BUT ITS A DIFFERENT ONE WHEN YOU LOOK AT THE TOP! YOU TRY TO SEND A MESSAGE BUT IT DOESN'T LET YOU. I SWEAR TO GOD, IF BY THE END OF NEXT WEEK THERE ISN'T A WAY TO UNDO THE NEW UPDATE I'LL DELETE IT. IT ROBS ME OF EVERY SINGLE BRAIN CELL MY SHITTY BRAIN HAS LEFT

#Vent #Discord update #Discord #discord messages #discord chat #i hate it so much #Lag #Discord lag #Buggy #Discord bug

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hontou-baka · 1 year ago

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relationship ranting idk

blurgh i hate when im slapped with similarities between my ex and my current bf

I got married without a wedding, or rings, or anything traditional, to my ex so I could use my own tax info for school (plus it seemed like a safe risk in a seven year long relationship lmao). The semantics of it were clearly unimportant to my ex (i had to buy us both rings, and again, no wedding) and i felt embarrassed bc those things are important to me, so we never told anyone about getting married really.

Now that I'm close to getting the divorce done before baby comes, my bf is talking marriage. But in the same "just for the legal benefits" way. And i do want to get married... And i know it would help his taxes and whatnot... But my heart breaks thinking about doing the exact same dumb thing again, and idk i can make myself do it. Like... Sorry, prove im important enough to you to spend a couple hundred on a cute ring, get some photos of us taken together, hell even if he saved money for a nice elopement trip thats fine! I feel like aggretsuko with the donkey guy... Tadase? Idk i dont remember. Im sorry im kind of basic but as a cisgendered white woman that was raised mormon, ive dreamed about a beautiful wedding and feeling loved and celebrated since childhood... I think i should stand my ground on this :/

Another thing. Both have sleep issues and expect me to get up with them in the morning to help them get ready so they can sleep in as much as possible. And im made to feel bad about it if i complain because i dont have sleep issues. Im sorry you havent bothered your whole adult life to find a way to manage with your sleep problems, and im happy to make you food while you shower here and there, but that should not just be expected of me! And its not reciprocated! Its not like i make him get up with me, i would just leave him be and let him sleep because... I love him? Want him to be comfy? Ugh.

While im venting, ADHD IS NOT AN EXCUSE TO NOT DO CHORES REGULARLY!!!!! I DONT CARE!!!!! IF HIM AND I DONT WORK OUT IM GONNA HAVE ADHD BE A RED FLAG I SWEAR TO GOD BC EVERYONE I KNOW W IT REFUSES TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO LIVE WITH IT!!!! Im getting beyond furious that he has to be asked FOR EVERY. LITTLE. THING. You eat and use dishes. You put your dishes with the other dirty dishes. Thus. YOU ARE LOOKING AT THE PILE OF DIRTY DISHES... MULTIPLE TIMES A DAY. YOU CANNOT USE THE "OUT OF SIGHT OUT OF MIND" EXCUSE IN OUR TINY ROOM!!!! YOU CAN *SEE* THE FULL LAUNDRY BASKET THREE FEET AWAY FROM YOU!!!! YOU CAN SEE THE GOD DAMN CHORE CHART TWO FEET AWAY FROM YOU I MADE SO YOU COULDNT USE THE "BUT IDK WHAT TO DOOO OR HOW TO HEEELP" EXCUSE!!!!! YOU CAN SMELL WHEN THE CAT TAKES A HUMAN SIZED SHIT AND KNOW YOU NEED TO SCOOP TOMORROW!!!!!! YOU!!!! JUST!!!!! DONT!!!!!!! *WANT TO*!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And the funniest fucking thing is i TRULY wouldnt mind having a more "traditional" setup, id be fine doing 90% of the chores if he even worked 20 hours/wk consistently. But im thinking as soon as i feel recovered from birth i want to find a job myself because he just lets his anxiety win too much and cant hold a job, and i have actual goals in life lmao 🤪🤪🤪 but if i made him a stay at home parent im sure id be coming home to a world of frustration (things that need done never being done). Im just at the end of my rope bc with chronic mental and physical health issues, i get he cant do what most people can (same goes for me, not as severe on the physical side tho) but god it so often feels like weaponized incompetence. And i think it partially is. Ive talked to him about this over and over and it always ends with "just tell me or ask... Even though you shouldn't have to..." BUT THATS THE POINT!!!! IM NOT GONNA BEG YOU TO HELP ME KEEP OUR LIVING QUARTERS NOT MISERABLE, MAN!!!!! USE YOUR EYES AND YOUR HEAD!!!!

I joked about banning war thunder for a week post birth and he seemed shocked id even think about asking him to not game for a week (his only hobby/leisure activity). Idk.

ok that feels better i guess ill get back to my mashed potatoes

#really stupid personal tag #i could shit out a baby any day now i cant take the laundry basket downstairs and i hate that but its too heavy :(

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sxturn-to-mxrs · 1 year ago

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vent ahead. if you don't want to read it, you can just delete this. it's fine.

i don't want to intrude or anything, or annoy you with this--i know you're going through a lot which is why i'm kind of venting over here. i thought you would be the most likely to understand.

i do have moots i could vent to privately over here, but half of the time whenever i talk to them they seem like they would rather be anywhere but talking to me, so i just let the conversation fade.

my home feed has a lot of blogs, and i follow loads of them, and you know, since everyone who's running these blogs are human, they post some rants and vents too, and their moots comfort them, trying to make them feel better. and i try my best too, even though i'm not really friends with them.

but i just can't help thinking that if i posted a vent or a rant or anything like that, it's not like i think no one would give a shit (maybe i do) but i feel like no one would even see it. it would just be there. and it makes me feel worse because internet friends are supposed to be better than irl friends and all that, but i feel like my internet friends are talking to me for the sake of talking.

and i do try. i try and try and try by asking the constantly how they're doing, reminding them to drink water but it seems so insignificant to them. i stopped doing it for a while. nothing.

i don't know. just needed to get this off my chest to someone who would listen. thanks for listening. sorry if it bothered you. you can just delete the ask.

i read through all of it and i just want to give you the biggest hug ever anon

im honored you chose to speak to me about this, and if you want you can dm me. i may come off as someone who's annoyed but i swear on my life im not. i'll try to help you, or just be there and comfort you the best i can.

if you are my mutual, please, please dm me whenever you want to rant. im not justifying my behaviour, but i follow a lot of blogs and its difficult to keep track of each and every person.

and you should definitely try venting. people will care, and if they don't, they're assholes. if you chose to reveal yourself, i'll turn on notifs for your blog so i get notifs when you post. and yes internet friends should be there for you, like, if not better than irl friends. and if someone made you feel like they weren't there for you, they're shitty. if its me, im sorry. im very sorry.

i believe friendship is a two way effort. if they stopped talking to you when you msged them everyday, it's better you. if it was me, again im sorry.

thank you for venting. it would never be bothersome.

#asks #mini answers #anon ask

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damnfandomproblems · 1 year ago

Note

5168:

As the anon who originally responded and upset the op, I'm kind of amazed how many responses I caused.

First off, I want to talk about my comments on the tone of the post. I don't care if people swear, I swear like a sailor in my personal life, but I also try not to swear when talking about complicated issues. I also know and am aware that this is a fandom vent blog, not an academic debate, so the tone really shouldn't matter. I didn't intend for the comments to be passive agressive, but reading it back I can see why it came off that way. In hindsight, I don't think those comments were necessary or constructive, and I apologise.

The original intent of my ask was to clarify what the AI people in fandom spaces talk about, because in my experience a lot of people don't understand what it is. The last paragraph was added afterward, and reading it back I don't think it got across the point I was trying to make as well as it could have. I was trying to say that there are grey areas with "AI" in fandom spaces which leads to people having differing opinions about them, not that I think the examples I gave are okay. I agree with a lot of your points about both of them, and also about fandom being a space for people to make art about a thing they love. As an artist myself I absolutely hate the rise of "AI" art and other generated content, but I also understand that other people will think differently. Even if I disagree with their opinions, I can understand that there's nuance to things and someone who's lived a different life and has different biases than me might think differently. I see too often in fandom spaces (and non-fandom spaces) a tendancy to villanise anyone who's opinion we disagree with, without trying to understand their perspectives. An example I forgot to give in my original post is an artist using "AI" as inspiration for their art. I can understand having trouble composing a piece and wanting inspiration, and I don't know wether or not I agree with using "AI" to do it. I don't, but I don't outright condemn anyone who does. The generative image generators that are used for that are primarily built on stolen works, so is it right to use it at all, even if just for inspiration? I don't know. You could argue that any use of it at all is supporting art theft, but you could also argue that it's similar to scrolling down google images for inspiration. I tend to agree more with the former, but I understand people will disagree, and that's fine.

Anyway, this once again has gone on way longer than I intended. I apoligise for the comments I made about the tone of your post. I did not mean them in a passive agressive or elitist way, but that's how they came off, and I'm sorry. I hope this response can clarify some of the intent of my original ask, and I hope you have a good day! =)

Posting as a response to a previous problem.

#fandom problem 5168 #response to previous problem #mod sf

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twilightofthe · 2 years ago

Text

okay i put all my cranky thoughts into a separate post that's now drafted and it made me feel better so i'll be able to watch this episode now lol but if it gets me worked up again i'm posting the rant i'm sorry i cannot be helped or changed or saved <3

ANYWAY AHSOKA EP 2

also i forgot to say so last episode but kevin kiner my ABSOLUTE BELOVED the return of the king is real so happy to have you here my dude the ending and full theme was absolutely gorgeous

anywayyyyyy so i am guessing sabine did not make like satine and survived her shish kabobing

well there's ahsoka

oh yeah there's bean she's fine she'll be fine xD

damn filoni really gave more handwaving to having a character survive a major impalement vs me twisting myself into fucking knots writing anakin getting run through lmao

ahsoka sorry but actually i'm gonna blame u for this you still kinda seem like a mess and i don't think you were a very good teacher to sabine and now ur dropping back in on her when she's convenient to you?

well at least we know why she's so adamant against training baby yoda lol

ope here's goth girl and the fuuuuck is his NAME again i keep calling him fucking bryan

i like the fancy sithy-looking sundial tho

pfff second ep is "toil and trouble" guess we're getting witchy!

OH YEAH WAS SABINE'S KITTY OKAY

THEY BETTER BE OKAY

I SWEAR TO GOD

yea ahsoka what happened to showing up in the nick of time and saving kanan and ezra from inquisitors in rebels u were slowwww girlie

OK GOOD THE CAT IS OKAY

that's all that matters

ope one more droid hanging around ezra's place

GIRL UR SITTING UP ALREADY?!

GIRL HOW CAN U BREATHE

we do love the mechanic girl of my heart

sabine does love her explosions

no huyang hera just likes explosions

sabine works best under explosive pressure we LOVE HER

ope back to corellia i guess? we can reuse the old solo sets?

sabine

you were just

impaled

"but she's not the one who needs to hear it right now" ahhh there's the sabine and hera dialogue. ugh but i'm still not used to natasha and mary i can just hear tiya and vanessa doing it instead :(

WHY DO Y'ALL KEEP MAKING SABINE AND AHSOKA ANGRY EXES TF

"ancient ppl from a distant galaxy" waaaaaaait are they bringing in those eu dudes

no wait i think i remember something about these guys that was mention as the big bad in the canceled animated rebels sequel

or it could just be the chiss lmao

that could be it too, makes sense why they'd want thrawn

ok that is some real cool galactic map visuals i am an absolute sucker for a good starmap

ok but wait how the fuck did y'all get a map to thrawn anyway did the space whales write it

also sorry morgan but i don't personally think thrawn would go for u nothing personal you are hot but you don't quite seem his type

waaaait is fucking thrawn gonna have force sensitivity now THAT would be absolutely hilarious and he'd hate it so much

who's marrok i have no memory

y'all you can't just make thrawn work for you didn't he only work with the empire cuz he had to because it would advantage his people somehow (has read zero thrawn novels and only seen rebels)

please tell me sabine is in the fucking vents of ahsoka's ship

THERE'S THE GHOST WHERE IS CHOPPER

I AM NO LONGER FUCKING ASKING

okay so i think my issue with Mary is she doesn't have any of the same authority and purpose Hera's meant to hav

CHOPPER

MY MURDERBOT

MY SON

MY ANGEL MY EVERYTHING

Anyway

yeah

oh yeah harping in that the new republic is a total fustercluck

ew a capitalist

bro you know hera used to steal from people like you for the rebellion

sdlkfjsdk omg sabine's mom needs to talk to the teacher to keep her from getting expelled

but also y'all sabine is like 25-30 right now she's not a kid

@ ahsoka bitch you have no fuckin clue what you're doing doooon't talk about readiness

y'know maybe the imperial era just advanced medicine so later impalements don't kill people

oh oh so it IS ezra's!

sabine go find luke he'd love to have you

STOP WITH THE GAY DIALOGUE

ok so yeah she likely doesn't have force sensitvity

goddammit huyang neverMIND

so sabine IS force sensitive :) and kanan and ezra just never brought it up :) great :)

hera my beautiful ship nerd ily

bitch do NOT fuck with hera she has more presence than anyone ever

hera my dude you know better than anyone that if a ship wants to take off you gotta go try and stop it in person

ah i have been waiting like 5 long years to watch hera best pilot there was kick aerial ass

we STAN

chopperrrrrrrrr

oh yeah ahsoka's fighting an inquisitor too lmao

CHOPPER GET THEIR ASS

CHOPPER ADD TO YOUR KILL COUNT

ok this hera and chopper banter is perfect i do love it

VICTORY FOR MY GHOSTS

oh and good job ahsoka lol

aghhh sabine and her therapy cat i'm ;_;

theeeeere's sabine's mando armor

SABINE AND KANAN'S FUCKIN KNIFE I'M GONNA EVEN IGNORE THE BAD MULAN HACKJOB ATTEMPT

okay it seems like mary's kinda on and off for hera so far, she has her moments but she can't hold them

rosario keeps losing me i'm sorryyyyyyyy

natasha is doing GREAT

aaaaaand we redoing the end of the rebels epilogue!

god this makes me miss zeb

and kanan obvs but i've come to accept his death

zeb's still hanging around where is he!!!!!

ah all is right

sabine has her gay haircut back

here we go gay roadtrip to find ezra time

alright so i'm still not really vibing with jedi!sabine at All but i have concluded that this show is watchable but honestly not that good, writing-wise, sorry dave, so i think i'll be able to watch it with my brain turned off

goddammit first i thought the holograms visiting morgan were nightsister witch ghosts xD

RIGHT RIGHT HIS NAME IS BAYLAN NOT BRYAN

morgan stop simping for thrawn i guaranTEE he's not your type

oKAY

we are through with the two episodes! it is very late for me so i'm gonna sit and think on what i've seen so far and shitpost a little. i did really like seeing my rebels blorbos again even if the live action actors don't quite have their groove yet. obviously very excited to retrieve ezra <3 so yeah that was that and i'll be back for more next week!

#sw the ahsoka show #ahsoka #sw ahsoka #ahsoka spoilers #star wars #sw spoilers #star wars spoilers #ahsoka show #ahsoka tano #sabine wren #liveblogging the ahsoka show

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