#postpartum ed

[kattythingz]

Believe it / I'm in love and I mean it / Her name's Penelope and I need her to be mine

And the epic brainrot continues... This time thanks to yet another TOO DAMN ADORABLE animatic that I just had to redraw edling to, with the wonderful collaboration of @sirchenchen!!! She did Ling's design (that I had to crop WAY too much of... Full version under the cut) and I did Ed + the bg. Chen also does other art on her account so y'all better check her out 🔪🔪

Au details nobody asked for under the cut~

Ling has been the youngest king of Xing for some years now, and his council is nagging him to find a bride now that he's turned a very mature sixteen. There are many things Ling can and has fought his council on—but they won't budge on this specific matter. Thus, Ling resigns himself to opening his hand for neighboring nations.

Xerxes is one of the many nations to hear of this opening, so King Hohenheim drags his own children to the event in hopes of cementing an alliance with Xing. Al goes along with his father's will, ever the polite boy, but Ed is far from happy.

Right off the bat, there's a bit of a misunderstanding, as Xerxes arrives in their fanciest whites for the occasion... unknowing that white is Xing's mourning color. Ed is the only one to refuse to dress up like the rest, so he compromises with a fancier cut of his favored red-and-black instead.

This creates a laughable confusion as people assume Xerxes suffered a great loss. Only the First Prince seems unbothered, dressed boldly in colors not of supposed mourning.

Ling, bored out of his mind already, is naturally piqued by this rebellion, and he's compelled to talk to the First Prince—Edward—before the rest of the suitors.

("Wait. Are you saying you're only talking to me right now because you thought I was an insensitive jackass spitting on someone's grave?!")

("That does seem to be the case, yes!")

... Ling doesn't think he made the best first impression.

Edward's brother is much less of a riot, though perfectly pleasant. All the suitors are. They just... don't interest Ling. Not as much as Edward had just in that single conversation. Edward doesn't even participate in the bridal events, skipping every time in favor of hitting the town, chatting up the locals and learning their crafts. Or just finding the largest olive tree in the palace gardens and settling down to study in its shade.

Ling is in love.

Desperate now to right his wrong with Edward, Ling beseeches Athena help him court the boy of his dreams.

It's then that Athena so kindly reveals that Edward is one of the rare few scholars personally blessed by her. Xerxes has always been close to Athena, worshipping her moreso than the other gods, but Edward and Alphonse's minds are especially sharp, she tells Ling with an almost smile gracing her lips.

(He was almost made her champion; she's watched him long enough consider it. Upon further observation, however, he proved a little too soft-hearted.)

She supposes this wouldn't be such an awful union to see through. One of her brightest scholars, wedded to her chosen champion? The results oughta be fascinating, at least.

No amount of godly advice could save Ling from fumbling those first few wooing attempts, of course. But Ling is nothing if not dedicated to a good cause. And Edward might just be the best cause there is.

He's absolutely not subtle as he, too, begins sneaking away from the bridal events to seek out Ed and "run into" him several times a day. The locals have watched their young king grow since he was but a sunspot of a child. And that look right there in his eyes is positively moonstruck.

(Or perhaps... sunstruck is more appropriate to say?)

They wish their king the best of luck. Judging by Edward's impressive scowl at the mere sight of him... he has quite the challenge ahead of himself.

[leaveherwildliketheflowers]

I really wish this baby weight would come off faster. I know I need to lose it in a healthy, sustainable way but I am not patient enough for this. I'm officially back to a healthy BMI but I have "x" pounds left to lose and if I could rip it off my body I would.

[not-hungry-just-bored]

I think I won

I haven’t been active here for A WHILE and there’s an easy explanation:

I got pregnant and actually gave birth to a small human being.

I was soo afraid and my ✨mental health✨ made the whole pregnancy horrible. Like FUCKING HORRIBLE. I did not enjoy a single moment. I was anxious about the responsibility, about how I looked at the time, how I would look afterwards, if I’ll be a good parent, etc.

I was so anxious I had thoughts of ~sewer slide~ for months on end. I didn’t even dare to talk to my doctors about that. I cried every day bc I thought I could NEVER love this child enough. I thought my partner would HATE ME while pregnant, and especially if I didn’t love the child the right way.

So I cried a lot. Every day when I had to look at my body. Every day when I had to dress like a pregnant person. Every time my partner told me how much he loves me and will love me (and how he doesn’t care about how I look, because he will always think of me as attractive).

And then I finally told my doctor. She wanted me to got to a mental hospital instantly. So I went and they didn’t want me there (I still don’t know wtf that move was)and then I got on my meds again. It helped but now I felt guilty for the child. It might have to go through withdrawal.

But we both did great. We are happy now. And I got very lucky. I loved her the second I first held her. First thing I said about her (it was a C-section so don’t be harsh on me haha) „babe, she looks like my grandma“

Now she’s nine months. It has been hard but also lovely.

And holy fuck YES I FUCKING HATED MY BODY. But I didn’t have time to care about that. I had someone to look after. And now? Except for the tiger stripes you’ll not be able to see that I was pregnant. I was lucky I know. But I love my body. Even more than I ever did. I love the stripes that FOR ONCE are no scars from self harm. I love that I weigh a little more than before. I makes me look more age appropriate. I by far not look my age yet (people still guess my age a few years younger) but I look more like a 24 year old than I ever did. And I LOVE it 🥰

I’ve normally experienced my ED the worst whenever I was very depressed or whenever I thought of ending it all but not anymore. I’m not gonna lie: I did suffer from postpartum depression. And I’ve been through a few depressive episodes since the birth but not ONCE I thought of starving myself again.

So I think I’ve won. At least for now. And I’m happy. Not everyday. Not every hour. But generally: I’m way happier than I’ve ever been.

So if today I could talk to 15 years old me, I could honestly promise her: Things will get better. Please believe everyone who says that. I know you can’t see that right now but believe me, life wont stay as dark as it is right now.

[thinnerage]

I can’t wait to finish breastfeeding for the sole purpose of being able to really restrict. I obviously try and eat enough to maintain supply and also not be tired but it hard to balance that out.

I will miss breastfeeding. I will forever cherish the bond. If anyone experiencing this please let me know.

[postpartumthinspo]

hey , guys !! i’m so excited to be back

i do not support ED but if you’re like me and you have this app for inspiration , i’m glad you found my page.

my story;

before getting pregnant , i was a beautiful underweight 123 pounds , 5’6. i fell in love and became ✨healthy✨ and got up to 150. we had a baby and i reached 213 at my highest right before birth. i’m 7 months postpartum and am 200. i want my old self back. idc that i was sick or ‘gross’ looking to some. i miss her and i’m here to fight for her :’) every photo posted will be of me , whether it be past or current :) follow along with me as i get my old self back

[her-power]

So Called Chaos (Part One: Modern single dad! e.m x fem reader)

❤️‍🩹🚨‼️18+ Minors DO NOT interact ‼️🚨❤️‍🩹

Trigger warnings/content warnings: Talk of suicide, talk of death, grief, hurt, comfort. Talk of PPD/PPA. Smut will come later, not explicit but sensual I guess? (warning now) strong language, angst, fluff.

Summary: This takes place in modern times. Eddie & reader are in early 30s. Eddie is raising his two year old son, Hunter, alone while coping with the death of his son’s mother who he had a complicated relationship with. He runs into an old friend at the bookstore (the reader) and memories of their time together as teenagers flood his brain to a point where he cannot stop thinking about her and the what if’s. This blossoms into a beautiful rekindled friendship and potentially something more.

Word Count: 5.1K

Thirty-four-year-old Eddie Munson hovers over the crib, his eyes bloodshot, he was so tired, but he always made sure to watch him fall asleep. His sweet son, Hunter. He was turning two years old tomorrow. Two whole years. Eddie couldn’t imagine him not existing, even if it didn’t start out the way he wanted to. Hunter’s mother had died six months after he was born; it was a subject Eddie didn’t talk about with many people. Not even his friends. Olivia was sick, she was tired, she thought the easiest way was to just disappear forever. He was angry at her, but he had loved her. In a way they only knew how to love one another. 

Hunter was the best thing that ever happened to him. He reaches his hand over to his face, gently caressing the spot between his eyes, his brown curly hair lined his face perfectly. His lips puckered while he slept, and he would go into random laughing fits in his sleep. Eddie would tell him that it was grandma making him laugh from Heaven. He sighs, taking the video monitor and putting on the white noise machine. 

He walks downstairs and plops himself onto the couch. 

“You’re doing good, Eds.” The voice comes out of the shadows. 

Oh yeah, he also talks to the dead mother of his child. It was worse after she died, then it went away for awhile. Now, it’s been a daily occurrence. He isn’t sure if it’s his way of coping with her death or if he’s actually talking to her, but he wasn’t in the mood. 

“Go away.” He mutters. 

Olivia’s form reaches his peripheral vision, but he doesn’t turn his head. He couldn’t. The last time he did she didn’t look normal, she looked very dead. 

“I’m sorry.” She whispers. 

“You keep saying that and I honestly don’t think you are.” He laughs, feeling tears form at the corners of his eyes, he sniffles them back. “It was your choice to leave us. Leave me alone.” 

“I just want you to be happy, Eddie.” Her voice is fading. 

“Who says I’m not happy?” He grumbles, glancing at the time on his phone. “Go say happy birthday to our son and then stay away.” 

He doesn’t feel her presence in the room, and he’s almost relieved. Their relationship was complicated, even before she got pregnant. They were just friends with benefits, met at the hideout and it became a weekly thing. He loved her, but he wasn’t in love with her. She felt the same, but they tried to make it work when she got pregnant. He noticed a change in her after Hunter was born, she stopped going to her postpartum appointments, had denied that she was depressed. She was a wonderful mother, but she didn’t think she was good enough. She said so in her note, and it has taken him over a year to prevent himself from lighting it on fire. 

He was grieving, he knew that. But he was grieving more so for Hunter not having a mother. Like himself. Robin has been a big help. She would show up unannounced, demand him to take a nap or shower and she would take care of Hunter. He didn’t say many words but when he would see her, he would say “Teetee”, Auntie was too hard for him right now. He sighs and texts Robin: 

Been hearing her again. 

His phone immediately rings and he groans, sliding it to answer. “You know I hate talking on the phone.” 

“I don’t care. When did it start up again?” He hears the beeping from inside her car and her door shut.

“Robin, you don’t need to come here, I’m fine.” Eddie groans, falling back on the couch, his long hair falling out of its half bun. 

“When did it start?” 

“I don’t know, two weeks ago maybe.” He pinches the bridge of his nose as soon as hears Robin huff. Demanding in the sweetest way possible why he didn’t tell her sooner, and if he needs her to come over more. “Robin…Robin…slow it down. I’m fine. I promise.” 

“Well, I’m still coming over.” 

Eddie groans. “I was just gonna smoke a joint and go to bed.”

“Okay, smoke a joint, I’ll be there in five.” 

She hangs up and Eddie sighs, running his fingers through his hair. He gets up from the couch, taking the video monitor with him and goes into the two-car garage. He turns the light of the garage on, his truck sat idle in one of the spaces and his Sweetheart, drum set, and musical equipment sat in the other spot. 

He lucked out finding this house; it was a fixer upper, and they gave it to him 3,000 dollars below the asking price. He was able to finish the basement; he did it all himself, with the exceptional help of Robin, Steve and Dustin. It was a two-floor cape house; covered in wall-to-wall carpet. Ripping it up was easy, adding new flooring was not. Uncle Wayne had helped with the rest, and Eddie had settled for area rugs and the house came together beautifully. Hunter took his first steps in the hallway; he got his first bump on his head on the kitchen cabinet when he didn’t know how to slow down when he was “running”. 

Eddie chuckles as he rolls the joint, at the time it wasn’t funny, because Hunter was screaming, and Eddie thought he had brain damage. He remembers Robin saying, “don’t react, don’t react…be calm”. And once he calmed down, Hunter calmed down and went about his business, finding his toy bus and playing with it in the living room. 

He lights the joint, inhaling on it deeply and letting it out slowly of his mouth. He hears Robin’s car pull on the driveway and he carefully lifts up the garage door, her lights blinding him. He waves at her to shut them off and she flicks the high beams at him twice just to add some extra annoyance. 

She giggles, coming out of the car, holding two plastic bags of snacks and drinks. He takes them from her, immediately opening the popcorn. 

“You really didn’t have to come here.” He says, chewing on the popcorn and then inhaling on his joint. He passes it to her, and she takes it willingly. 

“I’m on vacation and Vicky is away for the weekend with her sister.” She passes the joint back to him as they walk back into the garage. “Plus, you need a day off.” 

“I’m on vacation too.” He grumbles, and he was, he took two weeks off from the record shop he co-owned just to spend more time with Hunter and potentially start writing music again. 

“Dude, I mean like a day off.” She says, passing him a soda from the bag. “Me and Hunter can have an auntie day, and you can go run errands or go scream in the woods.” 

Eddie chuckles. “Screaming in the woods does sound appealing.”

“Please just take the day for yourself, man.” She tells him kindly, both finishing off the joint and walking back inside. “You need it.” She peels off her jacket, it was springtime, but the nighttime air was still a bit chilly. 

“I don’t want to put a burden on you, Rob. He can be a handful, and it’s his birthday.” He tells her, moving his way to the living room to check the monitor. 

“He’s obsessed with me. He saves the tantrums for you. I’m not saying go out for the whole day, just go do something for you for a couple hours, and then we can have cake when you get back.” She pats his shoulder, and he laughs. They both sit on the couch; Eddie puts on a music documentary for background noise. 

He feels her eyes on him, and he turns his head to look at her. “Go ahead, ask the question.” 

“Are you really okay?” She asks him, pulling her knees up to her chest. 

He sighs, leaning back on the couch. “Okay in what sense?” 

“You know what I mean.”

“I’m okay when I’m with Hunter. When he giggles at something he finds funny, when he grabs my face just press his forehead against mine, when he hugs me. Nighttime lately has been…lonely, I guess.” He groans, hating that he was opening up like this, but Robin could unfortunately read him like a book. 

“Do you miss her?” 

“Of course I do.” He says, sighing loudly after he hesitates. “I miss having a partner, she was so good. And Hunter loved her…” His throat clenches, tears welling up in his eyes. “I’m pissed at her for robbing him of a mother. I’m fucking angry, Robin. She had the help in front of her, I don’t understand.” 

Robin is silent for a moment. “Sometimes it’s hard for some people to get out of that darkness. Being in constant pain everyday and just trekking along. It wasn’t your job to save her, Eddie.” 

“I could never leave him like that.” His voice trembles. “He’s everything to me.” 

“And he was everything to her.” Robin says, leaning over to grab his hand. “But sometimes, that isn’t enough.” 

“Well, it should’ve been.” He wipes his eyes. “I don’t want to talk about her anymore, the more I talk about her the angrier I get.”

“Has Hunter talked about her?” 

And…we’re still talking about her. 

“Not really, he will stare at her picture and smile. His eyes twinkle like hers, that bright blue mixed with green. It’s beautiful.” He tries to smile. “I just feel like his life is already gonna be fucked up because of this and because I’m his dad.” 

“You’re a great father, Eddie.” 

He’s quiet. 

“I question it sometimes.” 

“Well, you shouldn’t. That little boy loves you.” She squeezes his hand. “I don’t know a thing about being a parent, but I know my parents, and they sucked. It’s not easy, but you’re doing your best.” 

He rolls his eyes, groaning, laying his head against her shoulder. “Can’t you just let me be self deprecating for once? I hate that you’re a nice person sometimes.” 

“I hate that you’re mean to yourself. You’re my best friend, and I wish you would just see what I see.” 

“I need to write again.” He sighs. 

“So, write. Go somewhere tomorrow and do that.” She rests her head against his. He pats her knee, sighing. 

“Fine. I will do that…after I express some more self-deprecating behavior.” 

“You’re so annoying, dude.” She laughs, shoving him away. 

“It’s your fault for wanting to be my friend.” 

***

Hunter had woken later than usual; he was happy and giggling and as soon as he saw Robin’s face, he squealed with delight. Eddie had put on one of Hunter’s favorite songs, Let’s Dance by David Bowie and the two of them danced and sang the song to him with goofy faces which made him have full belly laughs. It took Eddie a few pushes from Robin before she could get him out of the house. He wasn’t sure where he wanted to go, but as he drove, he realizes he hasn’t been to the bookstore in a while. He had bought a lot of his music books back in the day from there, along with anything that had to do with the Lord of the Rings. He pulls into the parking lot and steps out, adjusting his jeans and his Knocked Loose t-shirt. As soon as he steps in the doorway, he is hit with a familiar aroma of books. He forgot how soothing it was to just stand there and take it all in. 

He wasn’t sure where to go first; they had done a lot of rearranging of the place. He settled with heading to the children’s section first. He felt like a little kid himself, remembering how it felt to open a new book and see the pictures pop out from the pages. He had a pile in his arms, one of the workers had to give him a basket so his arm wouldn’t fall off. He found children’s board books called Baby Bowie, Baby Janis and Baby Elvis. He found a children’s book rendition of the Goonies and Back to the Future, as well as a cute store about a pack of baby wolves in the woods. He exits the area, completely distracted by his next his adventure into the horror section when he accidentally collides with a woman in the aisle. He drops his basket, as well as causing her to drop her pile of books. 

“Oh shit, I am so sorry.” He tells her, squatting down to help her pick up up the books. 

“No, no, I’m sorry, I wasn’t paying attention.” 

That voice.

Eddie looks up. 

Your voice. 

The two of you lock eyes; Eddie almost topples over. 

“Oh my god…Eddie?!” You squeal with delight, getting to your feet and Eddie follows, lifting you off your feet as he hugs your waist tightly. He was almost shaking; it had been close to twenty years since he last laid his eyes on you. 

He pulls away to look at you and he smiles. “You haven’t changed.” 

You blush. “Neither have you.” You curl a piece of his hair in your finger. He stares at you and is having a hard time trying to find words as he hands your books to you. 

“How-how long are you in town for?” He asks you quietly, still smiling. 

“Oh, uh…permanently.” You say with a small laugh. “I moved into my parents house…my mom died a few years ago and my dad had to go to nursing home.” 

“Oh, I’m so sorry.” He says sadly, grabbing your hand. “I didn’t know.” 

“I wouldn’t expect you to come, Eddie. You got your hands full. How’s your son?” You smile sweetly at him, and his heart does a pitter patter. 

“He’s awesome. He’s two today. He’s at my house hanging out with Robin.” 

“Robin Buckley? How is she?” 

“She’s great, getting married next year to Vicky.” 

Eddie had heard that you were married a few years ago, but he didn’t want to pry when he didn’t see a ring on your finger and the admission that you were living with your parents. You smile, shaking your head and taking out your phone. “You probably should be getting back to Hunter. I would love to catch up though.” You ask him for his number which he gives willingly, and you send Eddie a melting face emoji and he giggles. 

“Got it.” He smiles at you, and you smile back. You sigh, going up on your toes to hug his shoulders. “It was so good to see you.” 

Eddie squeezes your waist, and you have to squeeze your eyes shut. It has been a long time since another man held you like this. You pull away and say your goodbyes, going your separate ways. 

Eddie is still dumbfounded when he gets home, he couldn’t believe he ran into you. Robin notices the look on his face, and he tells her everything. 

“Whoa dude, the one who got away.” 

“I mean, not really.” He says, moving Hunter’s curly hair out of his eyes and kissing his forehead. “The only thing that happened was we kissed, and that was short lived because the cops came to break up the party in the woods.” 

“Kissed key word. Steve and I had been rooting for the two of you that whole summer.” 

Eddie laughs. “We were just friends at that point.” He pulls Hunter in his arms, rocking him gently and he lays his head against Eddie’s chest, ready to fall asleep for his afternoon nap. Eddie stares at Hunter, taking him all in as he sometimes does. His beautiful round cheeks, his full lips. The dimples he got from Eddie, so much more prominent. His bright blue eyes stare into his, and his little hand goes up to cup his cheek and Eddie kisses his palm. Robin was watching her best friend from the background, knowing that his little moment he was sharing with Hunter was a moment just for them. Eddie begins singing a soft melody to him, and by the time he’s finished, Hunter is sound asleep in his arms. 

Eddie had placed him in his pack and play in the living room, covering him with his favorite blanket. 

“Go write some music.” Robin says gently. “I’ll hang in here with him.” 

Eddie nods, gently squeezing her hand. “Thank you.” 

Eddie walks in the garage, sighing as he takes a pack of cigarettes he had hidden in the cabinet. He barely smokes anymore, but when he needs to write something, a buzz from nicotine will usually do the trick. He sits down on the stool behind the drum set, laying his composition notebook on the snare drum, opening it to a blank page. He lights up the cigarette, letting the fire burn his lungs. He closes his eyes, slowly letting out the smoke. He takes the cap off his pen with his teeth and hovers it over the blank page. 

A sound of a beer can opening…

A cute laugh…

He stares off for a moment, remembering…

A long time ago…

Eddie sits on a broken tree limb, smoking a cigarette and sipping his beer, staring at the bon fire. He was seventeen, sitting by himself while watching his friends socialize. He wasn’t in the mood to socialize tonight; he was already in a bad mood, but Robin and Steve really wanted him at the party. His dad had called from prison, asking Eddie to wire him some money for his canteen. Eddie told him to fuck himself, and his father ended the call to tell him it was the anniversary of his mother Elizabeth’s death. Which he had forgotten about. And he was oddly overcome with so much sadness and grief he didn’t know how else to process it besides sulking. Eddie feels a presence next to him, and turns to see you, gripping an empty beer bottle. 

“Walk with me.” You mutter quietly. 

“What?” Eddie asks you, confusion setting in but also concern on why your hands are trembling. “Are you okay?”

“No.” You whisper. “I’m pretty sure one of the dudes over there drugged me…please just walk with me.” 

A burning rage fills up Eddie’s lungs as he looks over at the crowd of football players, passing small glances over at the two of you. Eddie couldn’t fathom why someone would do that…especially to someone like you. Eddie stands up, about to walk over there but you grab his denim jacket in a tight fist. 

“No, Eddie. Walk with me.” You tell him, desperation in your tone and Eddie lets out a sigh and nods. You drop the beer bottle when he takes your hand and the two of you walk down a dark path towards where the moon overlooks the lake. 

You lean against a tree; Eddie watches you as you take in a few deep breaths. He walks towards you, gently taking your hand. 

“Walk me through it, are you feeling it?” He asks you carefully. 

“I don’t know…maybe? My legs feel weird. I know I’m drunk, but my heart won’t stop racing. I feel like I’m gonna get sick.” 

“If you puke it will dial down the effects of the drugs.” Eddie tells you gently, the rage still burning. “Who was it?”

“It doesn’t matter.” You say, hiccuping and then holding your stomach. “Some douche bag.” 

“I need a name.” 

“No, you don’t, what you need is to hold my hair back because if you keep talking, I’m gonna throw up on your shoes.” You awkwardly stumble into him as you clench your stomach with your arm, and you feel the bile rise to your throat and the vomit come out like a faucet. Eddie’s holding your hair and gently rubbing your back as you violently puke behind the tree. When you feel like you have nothing left from your insides, you groan, leaning back against the tree. You didn’t feel like you were going to black out anymore, but the slight high was still there. 

“There’s…water…in my bag…” you tell him quietly. “Can you get it for me, please?” 

Eddie nods, going through your bag and handing you a steel water bottle. You chug it; Eddie tells you to slow down so you don’t puke again but you wave him off. You slide down to your bottom on the cool ground, your legs covered in dirt. “Thank you.”

“Now will you tell me who it was?” 

You giggle. “No. It’s over with. I’m the idiot who took a drink from a stranger at a party in the woods.” 

“Don’t victim blame.” Eddie tells you with a smirk. 

“I’m not a victim. You, Eddie Munson were my knight and shining armor who rescued me.” You giggle at how ridiculous you sound. “Sorry, I’m still drunk and I’m trying to keep it together.” 

Eddie laughs, sitting next to you. His heart doing a pitter patter as he stares at you. Steve and Robin had introduced you to him two summers ago. You had hung out together but never alone like this, he couldn’t get over your beauty. Even in the moonlight, your features were breathtaking. 

“Are you okay?” You ask him quietly. “You’ve seemed a little off all night.” 

Eddie is caught off guard by your question. “Yeah, I’m okay.” He smiles at you, taking out his cigarettes. 

“Those are bad for you.” You smirk at him. “Haven’t you seen those commercials?” 

“Yup.” He laughs, twirling the lighter in his hands. “I won’t smoke if it bothers you.” 

“No, it’s fine, cause I’m probably gonna ask you for one.” You laugh. 

“But these are bad for you.” Eddie teases and you gently nudge him with your foot. 

“Give me one.” 

Eddie laughs, taking two from his pack, and handing you one. He lights yours first, the flame illuminating your face as you inhale deeply, you only cough a little and you lean your head back against the tree. The two of you sit in silence, your anxiety was subsiding. His presence alone was making you feel safe, comfortable. 

“I was thinking about my mom.” Eddie tells you after a moment and you glance over at him, he’s not sure why he told you, he guesses he just needed to say it out loud. “Today is her anniversary…and I forgot. So, I feel like a shitty son.” 

You lean closer to him. “I’m sorry.” 

Eddie shrugs. “It’s just a lifelong thing I have to deal with I guess.” 

You inhale on the cigarette, letting it billow from your nostrils. “My dad lost both of his brothers during Vietnam. His older brother got killed over there and his other brother came home but never left until he took his life. I remember being young and asking him how it feels to grow up without them, how they stay the same age, and he gets older, approaching their ages year after year. I think I caught him off guard because it took him awhile to say what he said. But he said, ‘it feels like being trapped in a current, one side of the water is pulling you towards where you don’t want to go, and the other side is fighting against you. You can either swim with all your might to avoid it until you’re exhausted, or you can let the current slowly carry you. That’s what grief is, it’s never ending, sometimes it’s okay to fight against it, but sometimes it’s not. It’s just empty love’.” 

Eddie stares in awe at you, feeling tears creep up into the corners of his eyes. “Wow. I never thought of it like that.” 

“Me either, but I’ve also never lost anyone.” You sigh, glancing at his solemn face. “She must’ve been an amazing woman.” 

“Yeah.” Eddie hesitates. “From what I remember. She’s why I love music, so I guess when I play music or write songs, I take her with me.” 

You smile, and gently rest your head against his shoulder. He tenses a little but relaxes, resting his cheek against the top of your head. This felt natural to you, and it surprisingly felt natural to Eddie. You didn’t even know what time it was, and in that moment you didn’t care. You could stay curled next to him forever. 

“Will I feel like this tomorrow?” You whisper. 

His curly hair tickles your forehead. “You’re probably gonna have a headache in the morning. Drink a lot of water.” 

“I don’t know what would’ve happened if you weren’t there…or if my first instinct wasn’t to come find you.” You lean your head up to look at his face and he meets your eyes, his heart racing over how close your faces were. “Thank you.” 

Eddie smiles, gently squeezing your hand. “Don’t need to thank me. You could give me a name though.” 

“Nope.” You laugh and he sighs, shaking his head. 

“I’m gonna find out eventually.” He says, snuffing the cigarette out on a rock. 

“And you’re going to do nothing because I told you to do nothing.” You say, meeting his brown eyes, staring at them and he stares back at you. “Did you know that your eyes have a bit of gold in them? They’re beautiful.” 

Eddie blushes and giggles. “You’re just drunk.” He bumps you with his shoulder. 

“No, well, yes but…I never noticed them before.” You move your hand up to cup his face and he almost flinches. “There’s a lot I didn’t notice before.” 

Eddie swallows the lump in his throat, carefully turning towards you so your knees are touching. He lifts his hand to curl a piece of hair behind your ear and you tremble. You lean towards his lips, and he pulls back a little, cupping your cheek. “Are you sure? You’re still drunk, I don’t want you to—"

“Just kiss me, you dork.” You laugh and he smiles shyly. He leans carefully towards you, slightly trembling as his soft lips press against yours. A thousand volts goes through your entire core as you kiss him, and he wonders why he never got the guts to kiss you before now. The kiss deepens, and you push your body closer to his as he cups the back of your head. His other hand grips your waist, and you sigh, sitting on his lap. 

“COPS!” 

Someone yells as they run past you two, and your lips pull away quickly. You could hear the sirens by the fire and the sound of walkie talkies. The two of you scramble to your feet, you grab your bag, and he takes your hand, both going into a sprint through the woods. You couldn’t stop laughing, the excitement of kissing him as well as the adrenaline from escaping the cops was making you feel all kinds of giddy. When the two of you felt comfortable enough to slow down, you both end up on a quiet road, which was near your house, the silence was calming, and you had to catch your breath from the laughing. 

“That was insane.” You laugh. “I’ve never run from the cops before.” 

“It’s a cake walk for me now.” Eddie laughs, taking your hand as you two walk silently towards your street. Thunder booms over head, rain begins to pelt you both. You laugh loudly as the rain becomes torrential and you’re running again to the sidewalk in front of your house. He walks you to the front door, the awning shielding you both from the rain and you giggle, moving your wet hair from your face. 

Eddie laughs, picking a piece of a leaf that landed in your hair. You smile at him, clearing your throat. 

“I had a lot of fun.” You tell him and he smiles. 

“Yeah, me too.” He grins. “Are you gonna be okay?” 

“I’ll be fine. I’ll message you if I need you to pull me out of a black out.” You joke. 

“Don’t scare me because I will sleep outside your window.” 

You smile at him, gently patting his face. “Thank you for everything, Eddie.” 

Eddie gently cups your chin, smiling. “Don’t need to thank me.” 

You laugh, shaking your head, opening your screen door quietly. You stop at the door, looking up at him. You lean up on your toes, kissing him softly on the lips and open your front door. You wave to him from your foyer, telling him to text you when he got home safely. 

Eddie walked through the rain that night with a smile on his face, still feeling the tingle of your lips against his. 

It was a feeling he hasn’t felt before, and he wasn’t sure if he wanted to lose it yet. 

Eddie groans, closing his notebook. He didn’t write anything, he was in a daze, thinking of you, remembering that kiss. The kiss that sealed the deal that you were the girl of his dreams, but then life happened, you never really saw each other again. But he always thought about you, always wondered what if, even when he was with Olivia. He sighs, taking his cell phone out of his pocket and scrolling to the text message you had sent him earlier. 

He didn’t know what to say, or what to ask. He didn’t know if it was too soon to reach out to you or if you were waiting for him. Coffee was innocent enough, right? He needed to find a babysitter first, only for a few hours. He couldn’t ask Robin again, he felt too bad, but he knew she would say yes. He felt extremely guilty suddenly; he shouldn’t be leaving him with babysitters. 

“Text her.” Olivia’s voice comes out of the shadows and Eddie gasps loudly, falling off the drum stool. 

“Fuck.” Eddie says, catching his breath. “Go away.” 

“Not until you text her.” He could feel her presence, and his hands tremble as he keeps his eyes fixed on the high hat. He knew she was right behind him, but he wouldn’t look. 

“You’re an actual nightmare.” He mutters, reaching for his phone. 

“Take Hunter with you if you have to.”

“No, I don’t want to confuse him.” 

“How would you confuse him?”

“She’s not you.” Eddie says, his heart slowly breaking.

“No, she’s not. But, Eddie…this will be good for you, for both of you.”

Eddie stares at the blinking cursor on the text thread, his fingers hovering over the keypad. He doesn’t feel Olivia’s presence anymore and quickly types up a message, hitting send.

Hi, I’m not sure if you have plans or not tomorrow, but would you like to meet for coffee in the morning? There’s a café near my house where they have cake pops that Hunter loves. I hope you don’t mind that he tags along.

She responds immediately: Why would I mind? He’s your son. Of course I would love to meet for coffee. 8am okay?

Eddie smiles. That sounds perfect. 

[irlplasticlamb]

post s4 kendall: goes through regular circles of MASSIVE relapses full of partying and insane spending (he once bought thirty ponies for sophie because he felt really bad about being a bad dad just to realise sophie’s allergic to ponies) and becoming a vegan monk who meditates all day and hugs trees to feel better. a complete mess of a human being. never gets better. gets engaged with naomi two times and six times with stewy. stewy just rolls with it because he’s got a disease called “being a kendoll for life”.

post s4 roman: gets hospitalised for his ed every three years. becomes a successful AND insufferable twitch streamer. mencken’s personal rent boy. probably had a breakdown when gerri and karolina married. gets a cat and names her ravioli. ravioli and connor are probably his best friends. keeps in touch with ken, doesn’t realise so does shiv.

post s4 shiv: incredibly miserable in her marriage but refuses to get divorced. poster child for postpartum depression. becomes surprisingly good friends with willa, they later have a very messy affair. pretends she doesn’t watch roman’s streams, she does. she hates them but hearing rome’s voice calms her down a bit. she burnt tom’s shoe collection once. reaches out to ken after his second engagement to stewy and keeps in touch since.

post s4 connor: leads an unsurprisingly uneventful but comfortable life. moves back to his ranch after a year of living in logan’s old house. gets very into breeding horses. knows willa cheats on him, is okay with it, maybe even gets a boyfriend or two for a brief period of time. sends kendall a “care package” once a year. the care package is just a bottle of very bad homemade wine and some veg from his ranch.

[honey-crypt]

HONEY-CRYPT'S DISABILITY PRIDE MONTH WRITE-A-THON

RULES

01. i have a max of 31 slots available for requests so once i hit 31, i will close my inbox for this event (you can submit requests for stuff outside the event, just know that i won’t complete them until after the conclusion of the event)

02. don’t spam requests

03. please specify if you want a fic or headcanons or a drabble; i automatically put them in drabble/bc if there’s no specification

04. be patient with me after you submit your request, i’m disabled and dealing with a reoccurrence of gastritis from failed drug therapy so i can’t just produce your request within a day

05. reblogs are appreciated but not necessary! in the event you do, tag it with honey crypt disability pride month write-a-thon

MASTERLIST

01. the sdv bachelor/ettes with a farmer who has vitiligo

02. sebastian helping adhd!farmer through their rejection dysphoria

03. shane with a farmer who has absence seizures

04. haley helping a farmer with ptsd and anxiety

05. arthritis!farmer

06. elliott, sam, and alex with an infertile farmer

07. sdv bachelors with a farmer who age regresses due to ptsd

08. sdv bachelor/ettes with a stimming farmer

09. harvey with a farmer who has cerebral palsy (spastic left hemiplegia)

10. sdv bachelors with a farmer who's prone to mirgaines

11. sdv bachelors with a farmer who has bpd

12. harvey caring for an epileptic farmer

13. elliott, haley, and sam with a medically complex (pots/eds/adhd) farmer

14. the sdv bachelors with a farmer suffering from postpartum depression

15. elliott with an autistic!farmer who’s easily exhausted

16. sdv bachelor/ettes with a cerebral palsy!farmer honoring her twin brother's life (farmer oc by @harveys-lovely-wife)

17. sdv bachelor/ettes with a farmer who has major mood swings

18. sebastian with a farmer who has chronic vertigo

19. sdv bachelor/ettes with a farmer who has an eating disorder

20. elliott caring for a farmer who’s a cane user

21. elliott with a hearing of hard/deaf!farmer

22. sdv bachelor/ettes with a farmer who experiences noise sensitivity

23. farmer with sciatica

24. sam with an amputee!farmer

25. harvey, sam, and shane with a farmer who has a feeding tube

26. elliott with a deaf!farmer who was a musician

27. harvey and elliott with a farmer who has social anxiety

28. sdv bachelor/ettes with a farmer who has rsd (rejection sensitivity dysphoria)

29. elliott with a farmer who frequently faints

30. sdv bachelors with an ocd!farmer

31.

[ur-ed-dad]

ED after pregnancy

So I got pregnant a year ago and thought I got my ed in check but I'm 4 months postpartum from a c-section so my abs only healed 2 months ago and I've been having hella health issues so I haven't been able to move around a lot. I hate the way I look and my kids dad just admitted to me that he doesn't find me attractive bc of my weight and skin issues (caused by pregnancy hormones). I just found out that he's spent thousands of dollars on onlyfans since we got together (even when I was looking my best) and he recently bought a $1,000 sex doll even though we're trying to save money for our kid. I'm pissed at him for sure but all I can think about is how disgusting I must be for him to do that. I've barely eaten the past few days and redownloaded my calorie tracker. I want to be better for my son and I will never let him see this side of me. I'll recover when he's a bit older but I'm getting back into my ed hard and I'm not fighting it. My kids dad's bdays in a month and I wanna lose 20lbs by then, I'm gonna do it. Tbh I wanna become everything he wants me to be, then not let him have me. We live together, I want to get dressed in front of him and torture him. Ik I'm toxic but I feel so broken rn that I don't even care

Pls feel free to comment, I needa talk ab this with someone but I'm 20 now, if ure under 19 don't hmu. I started this account at 12 and I'm not tryna be like the adults I was talking to back then. 18 might be ok but y'all are in high school or fresh out so idk ab y'all

[honeysjourney]

i never post anymore but this was too good of a comparison to not show off

[beneathsilverstars]

✨ my name's silver ✨ she/they/it are all fine ✨ 28 yrs old ✨ ace aro-spec nonbinary lesbian

✨ i work in early childhood ed and postpartum support ✨ i draw, write, sew, and make music

✨ if you want just my art, i reblog it all onto @silverstarsart ✨ my 18+ blog is @sxlvxrstxrs ✨ i have a loopdile sideblog at you guessed it @loopdile ✨ naiakiir on twitter ✨ silverstars on cohost ✨ silversilverstars on art fight ✨ beneathsilverstars on ao3

✨ i tag fandoms, incidentally-nsfw posts (#nsfw text or #nsfw art) and some common cws (to warn for "example" i tag as #example or sometimes #example mention) ✨ i also organize original posts as #silverstarsart, #silverstarsmusic, #silverstarsfic, #silverstarsedits, and personal ramblings as #silverstarschat ✨ my misc original fandomy posts such as meta and jokes are tagged #thoughts and #thoughts about [topic], and my favorite of these are tagged #silver's greatest hits ✨ lmk if you need something else tagged ✨ i love bouncing ideas around and riffing, so please feel free to send asks / reply to my posts / reblog my posts w ur own thoughts ✨ i also love explaining things so i'm usually happy to answer Qs or give advice relating to any of my interests

[leaveherwildliketheflowers]

I weighted myself at the gym today "just to see where I'm at" and couldn't get a good read because the new scale was wobbly and on uneven ground. I didn't try to steady the scale and weigh myself again. I didn't walk back upstairs to the better (albeit more public) scale to re-check the number. I just shrugged, said "good enough" and MOVED THE FUCK ON WITH MY DAY. Completely unphased. Friends, this is a huge win. Accepting my postpartum body has been hard AF but I'm doing it with compassion and love for myself. Never have I ever treated myself or my body this kindly. I'm unbelievably proud of myself.

[vpalmersfootballgloves]

yellowjackets 206 thoughts

no one hears anyone crying but y'all will hear these spoilers if you don't scroll past. spoilers below

SOPHIE NELISSE EMMY TONY OSCAR GRAMMY NOBEL PEACE PRIZE PREMIER LEAGUE TITLE PULITZER PRIZE BRAVERY MEDAL CAMPAIGN

precrash!taivan with their desks together during sex ed and tagteaming randy. this was the last time i was seen happy and carefree.

VAN EATING A LOLLY MIDDAY WHILE REARRANGING VHS TAPES, VAN'S SCREAM POSTER, VAN NOT ADMITTING TAI ACTUALLY KISSED HER, VAN STOPPING FOR COFFEE FOR TAI, VAN'S PESSIMISTIC OUTLOOK ON LOVE AND LIFE, VAN ON BUMBLE, VAN'S SNARKY CULT COMMENTS, VAN EATING HER OWN WORDS UPON SEEING HER EX-GOD, LOTTIE MATTHEWS.

"youre married taissa, there's no us anymore" honestly simone is probably already done filing the papers dw honey we're good.

i know some will take tai minding into van's broke and bitchless business as a whole pot calling kettle black situation etc, BUT i'm arguing that she cares about her loved ones (nat, van) so much that she's willing to ignore the shitload of problems on her own plate to help out where she can

the dream birth sequence was so creepy from the start til end. personally, i think its either shauna placenta previaed and postpartum hemorrhaged into her obligatory near death dream/hallucination sequence. OR she just passed out and the dream was a manifestation of all her insecurities, worries and grief.

tai is seriously shauna's RIDE AND DIE. shoving the van's deer bone into her hand and giving her the Lottie special. tai LOVES shauna SO HARD.

travis you have 5 litres of blood to donate with no monthly bleeds and yet you only gave the gods THREE DROPS????? lottie dont lie to him we can BARELY see his sacrifice.

still better than ben i guess. dude just dipped and went to his mind palace

"i love you so much" "it's you and me kid" shauna i dont need a reminder of my mommy issues rn

lottie turning shauna's son into a communal baby like wdym OUR???!?!?!!?

natalie :C she has so much survivor's guilt and remorse that she genuinely believes she's an irredeemable, irreparable Very Very Bad person incapable to be loved because everything she touches hurts one way or another.

lisa and 14th gilly will remind natalie she is so capable of love and to be love. TRUST.

misty praising natalie among lottie's acolytes. she's rooting for natalie so hard. its adorable how much she loves natalie in all the weirdest ways

simone kessell you are a STAR. the lottie-psychiatrist scene MOVED MOUNTAINS

speaking of psychiatrist, that woman is not your psychiatrist. she is switching your meds, egging you on and praying on your downfall.

"what is... IT?" BITTTCH STAY AWAY FROM LOTTIE!!!

teen shauna's sincere, pure and unadulterated love thesis for her son versus adult shauna's nonchalantly saying why didn't callie have sex WITH A FUCKING GROWN ASS MAN PREDATOR to nullify the evidence... the wilderness really did a number on her huh

thank fuck some maternal instincts kicked in during the pornstache interrogation

day 8349 of pornstache saracusa not being dead or tortured. its honestly upsetting

nat staring at van during the milf avengers line up bc nat's just shocked to see van in the flesh ever since these two childhood bestfriends lost contact postrescue.

[lilbreed1ngdoll]

tw: ed (in case anyone sees this post & is struggling)

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ive become obsessed with the scale again, but its different this time bc i cant starve myself without affecting the baby (currently breastfeeding). i miss being able to starve myself and run on very little. i miss being 108lbs and hating my body vs being 128lbs and hating it much, much more. i know i should accept and/or love my body more bc it literally produced a whole child (whom im very grateful for), but this postpartum struggle is so real. especially after seeing how my coworkers already bounced back. not being able to fit into any of my old pants or shorts has truly taken its toll on me. never did i think i my self-loathing could get any worse, but here we are

[froody]

men on r/relationships will be like “I’m struggling to remain faithful to my wife because I’m not attracted to her postpartum body and the rude attitude she suddenly developed after she suffered a traumatic stillbirth at 8 months. I don’t know why she’s so mad at me, she didn’t even want the baby, I’m the one who begged her to get pregnant and also tricked her into not taking her birth control. Anyway, she’s a bitch, right? It was my kid too. I’m a nice guy, no normal person could resist sticking their dick in a hot 20 year old co-ed in this situation. Also I’m 46 and my wife is 25 so she’s kind of getting older anyway.” I have the solution to this situation, dude! Kill yourself.

[unstable-bagel]

I’m so mad. My phone was being weird yesterday and kept saying my passcode was wrong even tho I was typing in the correct one. So I ended up with like 8 incorrect password attempts and locked myself out for an hour. And on google it says if you factory reset your phone then you can set up a new password. And I have an iPhone so everything is on my iCloud account, so I decided to do that. Factory reset it, made a new passcode, tried to sign into my iCloud account. It said i need a code, which got sent to my OLD phone number. So I couldn’t get it. There was a button that said “I don’t have my phone” so I pressed it. It said I could sign in by syncing it to another device signed into my account. I don’t have another device 😐 so I had to make a WHOLE NEW iCloud account. Lost everything. Passwords, apps, contacts, photos. Everything. Luckily i uploaded all my photos to google photos beforehand, just in case something went wrong. But then, just my luck, I can’t sign in to my google account. It has a stupid security thing on it. The only way to access my photos now is if I use my iPad, which I’m already signed in to google on. But of course, I don’t know where my iPad is. I need it to not only get my photos but to also get my social media passwords and everything. I remembered my passwords for here, snap, and Facebook. But I’m really upset about all that, it was a wee bit stressful.

All this happened last night. And to make the night worse, my husband didn’t get home til 3:30am (we had been arguing since Friday night), made me go outside to talk which meant I had to put my sleeping baby down (which woke her up after me working hard to get her to sleep (my friend stayed the night so she held my baby while I was outside)), and argued with me some more. We ended up talking things out and we made up, but I didn’t get to sleep til 7am since I had to once again get my baby to sleep. And then he woke me up about four hours later. So now, along with frustrated about my phone, I’m also mentally, emotionally, and physically exhausted.

And to make everything even WORSE, I’ve been struggling so much with my ed this week. Barely eating once a day. And along with my regular depression and mental health struggles, they’re even worse now because I postpartum now. So my sewerslidal thoughts and helf sarm urges have been suuuper strong lately. So I’m just overall not having a good time these days. Anyway. Rant over 🙂