#posting this partly because i felt like it was time and partly to make myself feel better

[angorwhosebabyisthis]

“Hold out your arms and imagine strings underneath them, pulling you up.”

“Like a puppet,” Nine says.

“Like an actor in a show,” Five answers, glowering. “Rising up above the stage. Graceful.”

remembered an old sketch from years ago (i think 2018 or thereabouts? it's been a while) and dug it up, so have a five! the imagery of him flying by pulling invisible strings in the air really stuck with me and i love it, and it was a lot of fun trying to get that across. i really do need to sit down and try to draw him in this style again soon; in the meantime i'm proud of this one, so here you go.

[luciathcv]

my husband - pjs

summary: you do the tiktok trend where you call your bf your husband || warnings: so domestic, will make you feel single, jay is such a green flag || genre: fluff, established relationship || word count: approximately 945

I scrolled through my TikTok For You Page. I stopped when I landed on the nth “calling my boyfriend my husband” challenge that’s circulating on TikTok. Most of the boyfriend’s reactions were cute and sweet but I did see one where the boyfriend immediately corrected the girl. I paused the video and started thinking. I should definitely do this. I mean, I don't know, something about it seemed exciting.

Jay was currently in the kitchen making us dinner. He often made us dinner. Partly because he liked cooking for us, but also because I was nowhere near as good of a cook as he was. 

I started thinking of how I wanted to do this. Make a video and call Jay my husband? Eh, I didn’t really want to record this. I wasn’t wanting to do this to post, I just wanted to do this for myself to see his reaction so I opted out of that option. I could pretend that I was on a call with my best friend. Hm, that might work. I often called them in front of Jay and I often talked about what Jay and I were doing so it wouldn’t be that weird.

I got up from the couch and headed to the kitchen. When I entered the kitchen, Jay was looking down at the cutting board, cutting some vegetables to add to our dinner. I casually walked inside the kitchen, trying to act as un-suspicious as possible. 

“Hey, babe.” Jay greeted me as he glanced up at me for a moment before he looked back down at the cutting board and continued cutting the vegetables.

“Hey.” I greet him back as I walk over to the fridge and open it, going to get myself a drink. I grabbed a drink and closed the fridge door. I walked over to the counter and sat on the counter, somewhat close to where Jay was. Honestly, I did that often, usually when he was cooking as I just wanted to be with him so he wasn’t phased. 

I opened the can and took a sip before putting it down on the counter next to me and pulling out my phone. Conveniently, my best friend texted me so this would be good for my plan. I texted back a response to what she said before glancing over at Jay, “I’m gonna call, ____.” I tell him and he just nods. 

I then pretend to tap something on my screen and put my phone up to my ear. A few seconds later, I started talking.

“Hey, ____.” I said. I then pretended to listen to them speak for a moment. “What are you doing right now?” I ask, wanting to pretend that they answer before asking what I’m doing right now, and that’s when I’d call Jay my husband. “Oh, okay. That’s nice.” I say. I then wait a few moments. “Oh, my husband is just cooking dinner for us.” I say, trying to act as nonchalant as usual as I watch for Jay’s response but there’s nothing, he’s just cutting the vegetables as if he heard nothing different than usual. 

“Yeah, he’s so sweet.” I say. “He’s the best husband, honestly.” I then say, trying to see if he’d react this time and I mean, he kind of did, but not as I thought he would (and no, he did not respond like that one guy who’s girlfriend did this when they were sitting in the car). 

Jay looked over at me with a small smile as he put the knife down. He walked over to me and I felt myself start to blush. He gently took my phone and before he could put it up to his ear to agree with me and tell his friend that he agreed, even if he knew he wasn’t your husband yet, he noticed that you weren’t even on the phone. He should’ve known what you were doing when he saw you scrolling through TikTok earlier. 

“Are you doing that one prank on me?” Jay asks as he places my phone on the counter next to me and stands between my legs.

“What prank?” I ask, trying to act oblivious.

“Baby,” He raises his eyebrows, “You know what I’m talking about.”

I sigh, “Fine… it failed though cause you had no reaction.” I say, pouting a little.

Jay only smiled at me as he leaned in and pecked my lips, trying to kiss the pout away. When he pulled away, he put his hands on my hips, “It’s only ‘cause I am going to be your husband one day. I should get used to it early, right?” He asked.

“I mean..” I don’t really know what to say but I couldn’t help but hold back my smile.

Jay just smiled back at me, “You want that, don’t you?” He asked, even though he already knew the answer. I nodded in response and his smile grew wider, “It’ll happen someday. I promise. It’ll happen soon.” He then says after seeing your nod.

My smile widens after hearing those words. He then pulled me into a hug, bringing me down from the counter and down to the floor in front of him. After a few moments, we pulled away from one another. 

“Now can you get some plates and forks for us for dinner?” Jay softly asks and I nod before going to do as he said. 

He watches as you do so. He loved this, he loved you, and he would definitely marry you one day. And that engagement ring, hidden away in his drawer that he’d brought not so soon before this, showed that.

ᥫ᭡ link to my masterlist

[hotvintagepoll]

[CHILD ABUSE TW]

hey, i know this is a poll about appearances only, but still, should a guy who raped a 10-year-old be here? (that's what lex barker did to lana turner's daughter)

This is a fair question. Here’s the thing: in running this bracket, I got 130+ submissions. Many, many of these men have dirt on them—some of it verifiable, some of it questionable, some of it rumor. (The propaganda for Robert Wagner alone swings both ways). When I started the poll I wondered if I should make a policy excluding certain people, but I just felt that would become dicey way too quickly—partly because I don’t think it’s fair for my opinions to shape the bracket, but also because it would be impossible for me to do a thorough and just background check on every guy submitted. I know, it’s easy to say but it’s so clear in this case!, but for every seemingly clear-cut case like that there is another one that stems from the Hollywood rumor mill, unclear sources, and just plain bad blood that seems equally obvious to someone else. I can’t be the arbiter of morality for this poll, and I don’t think it’s right that I should make myself one.

so with that said: yes, there are some real scumbags in this bracket, but I leave it up to the individual voter to do their research if they’d like, and then decide for themselves if what they find matters to their vote. People may put what they find in the replies or reblogs for other voters to see, but I won’t be boosting posts like that because I won’t reblog anything negative I’m not 100% sure of, and I don’t have time to verify every item.

I know this won’t make everyone happy, but I think the best option is to assume that you guys are rational and smart, and can weigh your own choices when it comes to the vote. Is it enough for someone to be hot? Do you need them to be good too? I leave that up to you.

[lemurzsquad]

Hand Sanitizer

Pairing: Sakusa x gn!reader (platonic or romantic, up to interpretation)

Summary: You and Sakusa hate each other with a passion, and it's almost always a disagreement over hand sanitizer. So when you leave to wash your hands and don't come back, Sakusa learns why exactly you avoid using it so adamantly.

A/N: Okay so this fic. Hooooo boy. This fic. I've been wanting to write it for a while and finally have. It started as a "Reasons why I'm pretty sure Sakusa would hate me irl" and turned into this.

So I have a skin condition known as aquagenic wrinkling of the palms (or AWP), which affects my hands when they come in contact with water, which is what this fic is about. I never hear about this condition anywhere, and it's very lonely sometimes, and there's no real treatment for it (from what I've seen). So this is essentially a vent where I take my skin condition seriously for once instead of just making water allergy jokes to cope lol

(More info about AWP here)

Word count: 3898

cw: skin condition (non-graphic descriptions and discussion) (AWP - please read above), hurt/comfort, angst, crying, enemies to friends...?, emotionally constipated apologies from Sakusa, hand sanitizer is evil /j, vent, not proofread because I just wanted to get this done and posted to do literally anything else, (please lmk if I should tag anything else)

(Disclaimer: I am not a doctor, and everything written here is purely from my own experiences and observations. If you would like to learn more, please do your own research; this is not designed to be informative. It's purely for myself and for awareness.)

You and Sakusa had never gotten along.

You were certain you knew when it started, having been completely oblivious of one another up until that point.

It was when you were both first years in high school, and there happened to be a lizard in the classroom. You, upon seeing it, immediately proceeded to pick it up and ask the teacher to let you put it outside, to which they agreed.

You came back to the classroom, dusting off your hands, when a curly-haired boy took it upon himself to comment, “Go use some hand sanitizer, would you?”

You squinted at him, partly confused as to why he was talking to you and how you had never noticed he sat there before. “No thanks,” you answered, “I'd rather just wash my hands.”

“I don't think just washing your hands would be enough,” he rebutted with a sharp look behind his bangs. “You probably don't even know how to properly wash your hands.”

“Well, too bad! I'm not using hand sanitizer!” You were starting to get annoyed, crossing your arms.

Somehow, that seemed to make him even more disgusted, possibly at the thought that you were spreading whatever it was on your hands onto your clothes now, too.

The two of you threw jabs back and forth until the teacher separated you, which you were both happy to oblige. The animosity between you never seemed to quite dissipate even as the year went on and you became second years. You almost felt bad for the misunderstanding, knowing it was entirely your own fault, but how were you supposed to explain to this random kid that you couldn't use hand sanitizer even if you wanted to? At least, in your head you couldn't.

At some point, you and Sakusa became something of enemies within your class—renowned ones, at that. People would often ask the both of you why you hated each other so much, but your answers were vague at best.

“He's just so pretentious,” you said once.

“They're just so obstinate,” he said once.

And thus, an impasse stretched between you. You hadn't even learned his name until months after your first encounter, too bitter to really care.

Despite the efforts you both went through to avoid being within the presence of the other, you somehow still ended up nearby. Maybe it was your teachers attempting to make you get along—maybe it was the universe laughing in your face.

Throughout that entire time, you still faithfully avoided hand sanitizer like the plague. The one time the nearest bathroom was out of order for a little while and you couldn't wash your hands, you used as little of the accursed substance as you could. Whatever microscopically thin layer that coated your hands there was, you shook it off almost violently, simultaneously disgusted by the feeling of something on your skin and afraid of what it might do.

The disapproving look Sakusa gave you when he saw that was palpable.

At some point, you hated each other mostly out of principle. You'd both kept it up this long—it would be weird to suddenly just let it go since your flimsy justifications seemed enough until now. To admit that you were being unreasonable would be worse than getting along, you separately reasoned.

So when you were paired up for a project, you couldn't help but grimace. Sakusa was the first to go up to the teacher about it.

“I can't work with them,” you heard him say. For once, you agreed with him.

The teacher, however, dismissed his concerns with a wave, saying, “In life, you don't get to pick who you work with. Sometimes you'll have to try to put aside your differences to get your work done.”

It sounded stupid to you, like some half-hearted excuse so they wouldn't have to rearrange seating or partners. But it's not like you had any place to argue, so you resigned to just sucking it up.

Instead of working together, you both divvied up tasks as quickly as possible and did what you assigned yourselves—separately.

All was going well; you ignored each other and worked on the project silently. Despite other groups discussing their plans and the room being filled with chatter, your share corner was dead silent save the sound of pen on paper.

Which didn't last long when suddenly the tip of your pen snapped off. The now open ink tube spilled onto your hands, and when you tried to minimize the damage, it only got worse. By the time you dropped the pen onto your open notebook, raising your hands in surrender, they were absolutely coated in black splotches. A sense of defeat washed over you as you watched your words get covered and your paper stained in ebony.

Taking a moment to glance at your already ruined hands, you just resigned to picking up the pen and throwing it out. It was your favorite pen, which was unfortunate. It couldn't be helped, you told yourself.

Sakusa had noticed you flailing about your desk, silently judging you for the clumsy mess you made when you should have just thrown out the pen the second it broke to avoid the noir crime scene that now covered you and your area. He scowled knowing you would now have to redo whatever you had written for the project.

It was nearing the end of school, the class you were currently in being the final one of the day. You approached the teacher's table and asked if you could go wash your hands. They checked the clock to see about twenty minutes left before replying, “Make it quick.”

You walked past Sakusa's desk on your way to the door. He made the snide remark, “You could get the ink off really well with hand sanitizer.”

It took everything in you not to snap back at him, but you just hurried past, careful not to touch anything on the way out.

Sakusa knew he would never understand you. From the moment you met, you stubbornly refused what seemed to be basic courses of action. Touch something dirty? Use hand sanitizer. Eating? Wash your hands before and after to keep from touching anything.

The couple of times he had seen you wash your hands, it was very brief, and you seemed to avoid using the air dryer, opting for paper towels that were arguably undoing whatever progress you made in washing your hands.

At the same time, you avoided any task that would require you to touch dust or water. You always asked to sweep or clean windows, so much so that everyone just ended up giving you those tasks to get you to stop asking. If you did get something on your hands, you immediately wiped or shook it off, seemingly disgusted. You would even briefly run it under water just to dry it on your clothes so they weren't wet. It seemed there were things worse than water if you were willing to rinse them off.

But it was still that one avoidance that came between you: the hand sanitizer. It was practically the same as water, and it dried quickly. Even if it was comparable to washing your hands, it was still much more convenient in most scenarios. Yet you continued to adamantly refuse to ever use it. At some point you declared, “I would rather die,” when he had tried to squeeze some on your hand, earning him his wrist grabbed and pushed away. 

He just didn't understand.

So when he found you sobbing in front of the stairs, opening your hands and clenching them closed into loose fists repeatedly, he was beyond confused.

You hadn't come back to class after leaving to wash the remnants of your broken pen, so the teacher decided it was your project partner, Sakusa, who should find you and return the belongings you left behind. He went over to your open notebook that remained just where you left it and noted the handful of words that were still visible. 

Sakusa folded the cover over, enclosing the now dried puddle of ink. The remainder of your things he scooped into his arms, leaving the room once the halls had cleared a significant amount. As much as he wanted to just leave your things and go to volleyball practice, he figured it would end poorly.

Plus, what could possibly have kept you out of class for so long that you would have left everything behind? There was no way it had taken that long to get most of the ink off of your skin, so either you had just skipped the last bit of school or something happened. Since you hadn't taken your wallet with you with your IDs (he checked your bag when he put the notebook back inside, sure that it was completely dry), he reasoned it was probably the latter.

“Tsk.” They would have been able to get it off with hand sanitizer, he thought, brows furrowed. This is such a waste of time.

Sakusa wandered through the halls when he didn't find you by the bathrooms. He was starting to think it was a lost cause trying to return your bag; he even had to text his cousin to tell him why he would be late. It wasn't until he got to a particularly empty hallway did he hear something.

Quietly, in a dark alcove with a set of stairs leading up, a figure was huddled against a wall. Their tears were soft but anguished, stifled because it was in the environment of school. Sakusa had tried to ignore them until he realized it was you.

You held your palms up just past your knees that were pressed against your chest. You opened and closed your hands, a fresh cascade of tears painting your cheeks as you choked back a sob. You pressed—with more pressure than could have been painful—your thumb into the center of your other palm, nails digging into the back of your hand. You set your closed eyes on your knees with the hope that it might stop the water that leaked from them.

Sakusa, with great caution, approached your hunched figure. He didn't want to, he really didn't. You were the person he probably hated the most at his school, but somehow he knew he'd seem like an awful person if he didn't at least give your belongings to you directly—he wouldn't give you the satisfaction of another thing to hold over his head.

And yet those thoughts went to the back of his mind when he crouched down in front of you. His mask and curly hair obscured his focused expression as he tried to study your current state. The moment you seemed to hear him there, you held your breath and repressed your already quiet cries.

When Sakusa got close, you buried yourself further in to hide your face behind your knees and clenched your hands even more.

He frowned and something in his chest tightened. His brows furrowed deeper over his eyes and he huffed. He saw your nails digging into the skin on the backs of your hands.

“That's going to leave a mark if you keep doing that.” It came out more biting than he had meant it, but he was being serious.

It was then that you could no longer hold back your sobs, almost choking on your own tears. The grip you had of your hands softened and unlinked; instead, you lightly shook them apart from each other. Sakusa had to take a moment to process, but it almost seemed like there was something wrong with them. 

He just wanted to get you to stop crying so he could give you your bag. As much as he hated the gesture, he asked, “What's wrong with your hands?”

You curled your lips in to bite down on them, fighting back hiccups. With your eyes tightly screwed shut, you upturned your palms.

The sight alone made Sakusa's eyebrows fly up in shock. 

He didn't mean to, but he grabbed your wrist to get a better look. Ignoring the ink stains that faintly persisted, there were pale, patchy splotches in the center of your palm and on the side edges of your fingers; there were even some tiny pale rings on the periphery of the bigger splotches. But underneath that, the skin seemed as if it had soaked in water for hours or maybe even days. Not only were there dozens of deep crevice lines trailing from the tips of all of your fingers to their bases but the lines on your palms were more prominent, surrounded by profound, dense wrinkles that spanned the entire surface.

His eyes darted around your hand for a few moments just trying to comprehend what he was looking at. It looked unnatural—it looked painful. And when he met your gaze, he saw unidentifiable emotions flash across it. Was it shame? Regret? He couldn't be sure aside from the blood that seemed to drain from your face.

You tried to pull your hand away, but Sakusa wouldn't let go. His eyes never left yours, searching for some kind of answer. When he couldn't find it there, he asked, “What happened?” It was soft, calm, and even, enough to make you tear up a little again.

The second time you tugged, he released your wrist. You pushed your thumb into your palm again, looking away. Hiding your hands away in the space between your stomach and where your legs were still tucked against your torso, you sniffled a few times and tried to even out your breathing.

“I-It's normal… it just h-happens when I-I touch water…” You stuttered and mumbled between hiccups.

“That is not normal,” Sakusa said a little too quickly and curtly, realizing it probably would have made it seem like he was berating you.

With another sniffle, you said, “It's a– it's a skin condition.” You started to scratch your palms partly out of stress and partly out of the persistent stinging. “It reacts to water i-if I touch it for too long.”

His eyebrows knitted in concern. “Was that from washing your hands then?”

You gave a small nod, still avoiding his gaze. “I couldn't get the ink off and ended up w-washing them for too long…”

“You could have just used hand sanitizer,” he said genuinely. For the moment, he almost forgot he was supposed to hate you, more focused on being worried than anything.

Your answer was your head shaking rather fervently. “No, I can't.” You lowered to set your forehead against your knees again. “Well, actually, I don't know. I-It just scares me and I don't want to r-risk any more pain than I already have. I haven't h-had good experiences with it…”

“What did hand sanitizer ever do to you?” It came out snarkier than Sakusa had meant. He slowly lowered himself to sit with his legs crossed in front of you, your bag still next to him.

You let out a heavy breath. “I was a dumb kid in elementary,” you started. “I had an obsession with scented hand sanitizer for probably a few months. I used it multiple times a day, and even though I don't know for sure if it's related, my hands got worse after that year I think. Only after that did I finally go to the doctor to get it diagnosed after my mom did a ton of research. I agreed to avoid hand sanitizer from then on. I just don't want to risk being in more pain…”

You both went silent.

“Oh…” It was all that left Sakusa's lips. A sudden wave of guilt crashed into him. All of the times he had berated you for not using hand sanitizer and all of his snide, rude, annoyed remarks resurfaced in his conscience. He felt terrible. He felt bad. Someone was hurting and all he did was throw lighter fluid on their problems—for months—and it seemed there was finally a spark to set it all ablaze. The thought that he started it all made it worse.

“Stop with whatever weird look you have on your face.” You squinted at him and his downturned, scrunched face. You'd calmed down enough to be making quips, it would appear. “It's not like I can do anything about it.” You shrugged, half-hearted.

He searched your face again for any sign of emotion aside from blank resignation, but he couldn't find anything. “Is there no treatment?”

You shrunk down further into your huddle, not vocally answering, but the answer was still clear.

Something about the whole situation made his heart hurt; it made him upset, he realized. “So what, you just have to avoid water?”

The nod of your head to the side looked pathetic as you avoided his eyes. After several seconds of silence, you said, “I used to love swimming. It's not like I can't, it's just… it hurts and it makes me feel gross. I don't even like the beach anymore because if I go in the water and get my hands wet, there's no real place to dry them off.” You laughed humorlessly. “It's stupid. You'd think I would get more used to it and get over it as I got older, but it just made me more upset. Why me? Why did I have to get stuck with a condition that's rare and isn't really bad enough for people to care enough to find a treatment? At least, it feels that way…

“I know it's awful, but I sometimes wonder, ‘Why didn't I get stuck with something worse? Then I might have a way to treat it. Then people might care.’”

You glanced up to judge Sakusa's reaction, instantly regretting spilling your feelings and questioning why you did. Tears threatened to flood over again and spill from your eyes. You felt helpless; not only from your condition but also from being stared down by the person you were certain despised you more than anyone. You were giving him more ammo to be disgusted and to detest you, too.

But you couldn't find his face. His ebony bangs hung down like a curtain and his mask further obscured your view, his downturned line of sight completely blocked out.

When the silence was beginning to crawl around on your skin and became almost deafening, you took in a sharp breath and held it for a moment before breathing out a tiny apology. “Sorry… you don't wanna hear about this…”

“No.”

“...No? No… what?”

“No…” 

Sakusa was struggling to get out the right words. How does he say sorry to you in a way that you might actually believe? How does he tell you that you're allowed to be upset, that you can talk about it? How does he make you understand that it's okay?

And how is he supposed to get you to believe it when it's coming from him?

His voice sounded almost angry but not at you—it was for you. “You can be upset,” he said between gritted teeth, hands clenched into tight fists. “No one deserves to have to live everyday avoiding something so common just to not be in pain. And no one deserves to have some jerk constantly making light of it even if they don't know.”

The way your eyes widened and water dripped down your cheeks in sudden streams said it all. “Oh…” was all you could muster before you completely broke down. No one you had ever told about your condition had seemed to fully grasp how much you were hurting inside, how every day was a struggle to avoid reminding yourself of how awful your hands were, how even looking at your own hands sometimes made you ashamed and loathing of yourself. It was a constant reminder that there would always be something wrong with you; you would always be broken, and there was no way to fix it.

Sakusa let you cry with the renewed emotional rush. He remained firmly planted where he sat, not moving an inch. He was not going anywhere.

And he didn't, even as your sobbing slowed to quiet sniffles and wiping mostly dried tears. It took a while before you finally muttered, “Thank you… No one's ever said that to me before…”

“Well, they should.” His words were curt but lacked any sharpness to them.

When you looked up to meet his eyes, he turned them away from you. Hesitantly, he uttered, “Look, I can't promise you that we'll get along, but I can assure you I'll try not to bother you anymore. No more stupid hand sanitizer comments anymore, either.” It was the only peace offering he could make for a chance to pave a path towards making amends.

You let out a breath through your nose that was close to a laugh before hiccuping, “Next thing you know, you'll be telling me we'll work on our group project together.”

“Don't push it,” he answered, quickly and humorlessly. It only made you laugh, although he couldn't comprehend why.

“It's getting late,” Sakusa tried to divert. “You should head home.”

You reached for your phone, and the little numbers on the screen confirmed his statement. Suddenly, a flash of panic crossed your face. “I don't have my bag,” you state frantically, “or any of my stuff.”

It was then that Sakusa held up the original object of his search for you, gently lowering it to the ground. “The teacher told me to bring it to you since you never came back.”

Relief washed over you in a calming rush, and you finally seemed to relax. You pulled your knees away from your chest and sat with your legs crossed. Confirming that everything was in your bag, an immensely relieved sigh left your lips in a gust.

“Thank you.” Your gaze was earnest, trying to convey just how much you meant your words to make sure it sunk in.

Sakusa just grumbled, “Whatever.” He was back to his usual self despite how he stumbled embarrassingly when he got up and realized his legs had gone numb. He reluctantly offered up his hand to help you stand, but you only looked at it for a moment, mouth pressed into a line, before you got to your feet on your own.

He pretended he hadn't tried to assist you, instead pivoting on his heels and shoving his hands in his pockets with a slouched posture. Without another word exchanged, you both headed towards the school's entrance.

The air fell into a comfortable quiet until then. When you did reach the entrance, however, you both stopped in your tracks. You turned to Sakusa, giving him a soft smile and a small wave, and headed down the street. Only when you turned the corner, out of sight, did he head back towards the volleyball gym. He was so horribly beyond late that it was almost laughable.

But he didn't care, knowing it meant someone was there in that very moment for you when you needed it most. So what if he also started to mend whatever nonexistent relationship was there in the process? What mattered was that someone told you that it was okay.

And Sakusa was okay with that. Being late to practice wasn't nearly as pressing as his long overdue apologies. What could be more important than that?

Do not copy and/or repost!! Any likes or reblogs are appreciated, though! (c) 2024 LemurzSquad

[earthnashes]

We interrupt this artposting program to bring you the super rare progress photos of ya homey. :)

Generally I don’t like posting photos of myself, partly cuz I just don’t wanna (not the best selfie taker, what can I say) and partly cuz this blog is almost entirely my artstuff, but since I do wanna talk about my weightlifting journey sometimes I figured I’d make an exception every now and then. ;w;

More detail under the cut, but for the TL;DRs:

Fitness goal anniversary celebration. 2 years + some change in the making. Initial goals: fatloss, strengthbuilding, repair relationship with food

RED TOP PHOTOS: 220-ish lbs, 33-36% BMI, 2021

PINK AND BACK PHOTOS: 175lbs, 27-28% BMI, 2023

Current notes: Overall healthier and happier in my own body. Food relationship vastly improved. Noticeably stronger, higher energy, and much better asthma management

This one is to essentially celebrate the progress I’ve made thus far! A little late, but last month was my fitness journey’s anniversary. It’s been roughly 2 years since I started being physically active, and 1 year + some months since I’ve  consistently weight-trained.

That first pair of photos was me I thiiiiiink like 2 months into the start of all this, back in 2021? I weighed roughly 220-ish lbs at the time, BMI roughly 33-35% and I only note this because fatloss was very much a part of my overarching goals. I won’t lie, some of it was because of aesthetics, but a lot of it was because I felt like shit. As someone who was very sporty as a kid up til college, the change was very noticeable. I was ALWAYS tired no matter how much I slept. I had constant back pain and headaches. My biggest tipoff was the fact that my asthma management got worse. All that plus other factors is what really kicked my butt into gear into this journey.

The 2nd and 3rd sets of photos are from this year (2nd set was today, 3rd set was like 2 weeks ago), nearly 50lbs lighter and at a rough BMI of 27-28%. And I can’t lie I feel fuckin’ good. I can do pullups (couldn’t even do 1 back in the day). Pushups are fucking easy now. I can bench my own bodyweight. I can deadlift almost twice that. I don’t wheeze when I walk up the stairs, I take regular walks, I sleep better, my energy levels are far higher, my moods are overall far better, I have no backpain anymore... MY AFRO GREW AND I GOTS A TATTOO! :D

This is probably the strongest and healthiest I’ve ever been and that’s saying something in my eyes, all things considering. And it was fuckin’ hard for a variety of reasons I won’t talk your ears off about. Sometimes still is, but I feel more prepared and even eager at times to deal with the obstacles.

But yeah! Apologies for breaking from the arts and headcanons, I just wanted to be a lil proud of myself for a sec. :) Whatever journey ya’ll are on I hope you find it in yourself to be proud of the progress you’ve made as well, even with all the ups and downs! :>

[herofics]

hi! I love your works SO MUCH and I’ve had this certain idea in my head for DAYS😭 a gn!reader with Megumi and Gojo (separate) who’s cursed technique causes them to just be always tired. I really just don’t have the motivation to write this for myself because ONE I’m not very good at writing and TWO I like seeing others perspectives on ideas

Anyway, thanks! Have a good day and take as much time as you need on this😊

A/N: Thank you so much! I decided to do a scenario for Gojo and HCs for Megumi, because I didn’t feel like writing scenarios for both. This is basically just fluff and the character taking care of the reader. I've also got this post you might want to check out about a tired reader

~Gojo Satoru~

Gojo was gone for a couple of days again, and you had just come home from a mission too. His sleeping schedule was abysmal, since he slept between missions, but he never seemed to be tired, always all bright-eyed and bushy tailed. You, on the other hand, had probably not woken up refreshed for a single day in the past 13 years, ever since you started to first use your cursed technique. You were perpetually tired and sometimes even fatigued.

You’d learned to manage on your own, even on the really tired days. Though there had been a few times you’d almost caused a fire, because you’d sat down and fallen asleep while cooking, and something had burned. You had also fallen asleep in the bath a couple of times, and slipped underwater, which of course was a horrible way to wake up.

It was easier when Gojo was home, you knew nothing bad would happen, even if you happened to fall asleep or were too tired to do something. You always tried to make it as much of a fair split as possible, but sometimes you just couldn’t manage, so when he was home, he did his part and a bit more too. 

Gojo missed you, and he was looking forward to seeing you again. Even though it had only been a couple of days since you saw each other, it always felt like it had been too long. He was almost home, and he was basically skipping half the stairs up to your shared dwelling, he was so excited to see you.

He knew you would probably be asleep, since you had texted him you had also come back from a mission a few hours ago. So when he got to the front door, he slid the key into the lock and opened it quietly. He slipped into the house and closed the door behind him. He looked around and found you sitting on the living room couch, barely staying awake.

“Whatcha doing up?” he smiled as you finally noticed him.

“I wanted to stay awake till you came home, I missed you” you smiled back at him tiredly.

“Was it worth it?” Gojo smirked.

“For this view? Eh, I guess…” you joked.

“How about now?” Gojo said, unbuttoning his jacket while walking towards you.

“I really hope you’re doing that so you can take a shower and come to bed with me” you said, still smiling tiredly.

“Duh, what else could it be for?” Gojo rolled his eyes dramatically.

“Now that I think about it, I should probably take a shower too” you noted.

“Shall we then?” Gojo offered his hand to you.

You took his hand and followed him to the bathroom. You both took your clothes off and stepped into the shower. You just stood under the warm water, dozing off a little bit, before Gojo tapped your shoulder.

“My turn?” he asked.

“Oh yeah, sorry” you muttered as you moved away from under the water and grabbed a bottle of shampoo.

“Do you want me to wash your hair?” Gojo inquired as he turned the water hotter.

“Yes please” you yawned, and handed him the shampoo bottle.

Gojo stood partly under the hot water as he squeezed some shampoo onto his hand and started massaging your scalp as you stood in front of him.

It felt so nice to have someone else wash your hair. It was so relaxing, and you felt like you were melting under his fingers. You were getting so sleepy at the same time, which just made you lean back against his chest.

“Rinse yourself off and go to bed, doll. You’re about to fall over” Gojo said gently as he finished with your hair.

“Probably a good idea” you muttered tiredly as Gojo moved away from the shower so you could get the shampoo out of your hair.

You rinsed yourself off and stepped out of the shower, wrapping yourself in a big towel. You brushed your teeth and went to put some clothes on as Gojo continued his shower. You laid down, wanting to stay up until he came to bed with you, but it was getting so hard to keep your eyes open.

When Gojo came out of the bathroom, a towel around his waist, while drying his hair. He noticed you were already asleep on the bed. He couldn’t help but smile a little. Even though your cursed technique had such an annoying side effect, you’d managed to deal with it pretty well. He just wished he could be with you more, so you didn’t have to always deal with everything yourself, but it wasn’t really realistic. He had so many missions, so many responsibilities with teaching and mentoring the next generation.

Gojo threw in some underwear and a t-shirt and climbed into bed with you. He pulled the covers over you and himself and pulled you close. You snuggled to his chest and he placed a kiss on your forehead. It felt so good to have you in his arms, you fit there so perfectly, it was a pity this wasn’t a more common occurrence. Sometimes you wouldn’t get a chance to do this for weeks, because you just passed each other like ships in the night. Being a sorcerer was enough of a pain in the ass as it was, you really didn’t need these side effects too. He just wished he could do something about it. He would do just about anything if it helped you.

~Fushiguro Megumi~

•He’s never seen someone sleep as much as you

•Of course, there are other aspects to your tiredness, such as difficulty to focus and being irritable

•Megumi is pretty good at dealing with you when you’re annoyed, he just mostly shrugs it off if you happen to snap at him and you talk it out when you’re in a better mood

•Megumi also tries his best to help you manage your tiredness and the stuff that comes with it

•You don’t just fall asleep in the middle of a battle, but you often can’t stay awake in the car afterwards and just lean on Megumi’s shoulder and fall asleep

•You’re also sometimes just too tired to do things, like clean your dorm room or go to eat in the cafeteria, so Megumi just brings you something you can eat when you wake up, in case you wake up when the cafeteria isn’t open

•You can sometimes become really reckless when you haven’t had enough sleep, because your critical thinking skills decline

•Megumi sometimes has to save your butt, and so do Itadori and Kugisaki, but you do the same for them when you’re in a better state and they need it

•Thought those two requirements don’t coincide that often

[drill-teeth-art]

A late night, slight retrospective on the tiny amount of Tumblr fame I've gathered that also might be slightly annoying for my audience to read so feel free to skip it if you want.

I started sharing Transformers fanart on here back in 2022, around October. I had been posting art on here for a while before actually but people really started following me and asking about my work and actually reblogging my stuff when I started posting Transformers fanart in 2022. I was in a really low place then, and I really welcomed the attention. My art was and still is something I take a lot of pride in. It's my own. There's quite a few years of my life where the fact I could still draw was the only thing stopping me from attempting suicide. It's something that has always meant a lot to me, so the attention on one of the only things I really liked about myself was nice. It was nice for a while.

But I've gotta say the slight Tumblr fame (and I do mean slight, I've only got around 3k followers which is a lot of people and more than I ever thought I'd have following me and more than a lot of folks will ever have but not like A Ton Of Fame) has wreaked havoc on my mental health. Which is already pretty rough as is. Suddenly I wasn't just some guy making Transformers fanart while desperately saving up to get out of my parents' house. Suddenly I was some people's FAVORITE Transformers artist. Suddenly I was a role model to people and I had people in my DMs clambering for my attention and I had an audience that would cheer or boo or go awkwardly silent at my every post depending on how much they liked it. And it was Not Good For Me. I had and still do have people all over my inbox, excited about how I drew fat and disabled and trans characters asking me over and over to draw some specific representation that I don't want to draw right away. I had and still have people begging me to draw their favorite Transformers character who I happen to not really care about and not want to draw at all. And I am painfully aware how often people take personal offense to my polite "no I'm not drawing that unless it's a commission" and my not answering their ask because I'm not in the mood. I've had people send in asks asking for a specific drawing and then follow up asks when I don't answer in a timely manner. And it's really uncomfortable! And it's almost more uncomfortable that it feels like a lot of people don't even notice that they're making me uncomfortable.

And I like learning how to draw bodies I've never drawn before. I like looking at a character who I think is meh and being like "well actually how can I make them interesting to me...". But it really felt and still feels like my art was getting away from me, like I was drawing more what people were asking me to make instead of what I wanted to because people would take it so badly when I'd say no. I was getting commissions though and I was saving up money to move out so I ignored that bad feeling of getting distanced from my own craft because I was trying so hard to save money and I was actually making some. And I still wanted the attention. Plenty of people were still kind to me despite everything.

Things got weirder for me after I released my Good Bi Gender comic. Which I do still recommend people read I think it's some of my best work. But that comic became a huge hit. And it made things really complicated for a while. I got anon hate. I was told to kill myself by strangers online more than once while I was already deeply suicidal. Something I thought I stated very clearly in the comic itself, that I didn't want strangers calling me "she" though I did and do let my close trusted people call me "she", was immediately ignored by my regular audience and people reading the comic. I got a lot of "you go girl!" kind of messages in response to my comic, and I didn't say anything at the time but it made me deeply uncomfortable. The comic was partly about how the she/her part of my identity is off limits to strangers. How I don't let just anyone she/her me because I work so hard to have the he/him aspect identity acknowledged at all. And it was like what Tumblr decided for me was to go against my wishes. Was to be like "we'll accept your identity for you!" when that's not what I wanted. I did NOT want to be she/her'd by thousands of strangers at the time. And though I'm grateful to have heard the understanding stories of other folks with nonbinary gender identities in the notes, it was deeply humiliating and invalidating to watch as others decided for me to accept the Girl part of my identity. The opening lines of the comic are explicitly a plea to the reader to listen and understand why they're not allowed to use she/her for me even though I'm opening up about the complexities of my identity.

And like. I don't care anymore if people online she/her me. At least I don't care right now that's why she/her is in my bio right now maybe I'll change that. But at the time it was awful. It was something I asked people not to do. And between that and the constant clambering for my attention from people I didn't want to talk to (because I was severely depressed and wasn't looking to make a ton of new friends) and the alienation from my own work I felt like shit. I felt like garbage. I still do. I hate my art sometimes. I really hate it. And for a while, I considered breaking my own fingers just so people would stop acting so entitled to my art and I would have a reason not to post. And honestly the only thing that stopped me was just trying to get by financially. Just watching my follower count and regular notes steadily trend upward so I could do more commissions so I could move out.

And doing things for the numbers, even for a relatively short time, only made things worse. It sounds a little silly even to me, but I get so stressed out when my posts flop, especially if it's art I was really proud of. I'm struggling to detangle my sense of worth in my art from the online numbers game. And I'm proud of the progress I'm making, but it does really suck and it's really hard. And I really wish I was still the same person back in early 2022 who could say "I don't care about the numbers!" and actually mean it because god I WISH I didn't care about the numbers now. Especially now. I dunno if it's me posting more art people don't wanna see or people leaving Tumblr or a shift in the culture of Tumblr but fewer and fewer people interact with my posts despite my follower count ticking up slowly but surely and it kind of bums me the fuck out. But. I am very proud of myself for still drawing the ocs that I want to draw even if they get less notes every time. And even if I'm slightly frustrated they get less notes every time.

I don't really have a neat bow to tie on my personal story right now. I'm still healing and sometimes I backslide and it's hard and it sucks. I don't want to sound ungrateful or to sound like I'm trying to shoo people off my blog because I'm not. I'm really grateful for the attention and interest and I'm not trying to turn people off my art blog. But it's been a rough few years on here. And don't be surprised if you see me take more and more breaks from this website. I do sincerely hope y'all will stick around and watch me continue to post whatever art and say kind things because I do appreciate that a lot. I'm trying really hard to mend my relationship with my own art. To not be so hard on myself. And for the record I don't want any asks telling me to take breaks when necessary or reminding me to draw for me. I appreciate the sentiment, but I already know all that and I personally don't find it helpful to be reminded of things I already know. But anyway. I hope that I will draw more and more of whatever I want to, even if that means I fade back into obscurity.

If you stuck around to read me reflect on the stresses and occasional humiliation of my small amount of online notoriety, then thank you. I appreciate that. And really I do like people looking at my art on here and sharing it and sending asks about my work. And the person I expect to be responsible for my mental health and how much social media is impacting it is Me first and foremost. But sometimes I think that it's important to remember there's a person behind your favorite art blog. And sometimes when you get swept up in parasocial attachment and hype, you kind of treat that person really fucking weirdly. And no that doesn't make you a bad person or a monster. But it does mean you have to learn to deal with it when someone who you might even idolize is like "back off me you're making me uncomfortable".

Anyway. I shouldn't be up as late as I am. A headache has been keeping me up all night. I'm gonna try to rest though. Goodnight.

[sturniolodreamz]

first time - matt sturniolo

summary - Y/n finally decides she is ready to have sex for the first time, and she couldn't be happier that it is with Matt of all people.

warnings - smut, loss of virginity, protected sex. if you dont like it, dont read!

a/n - this was my first smut so hopefully yall like it! i also write regularly on my sfw tumblr account, so i am going to try and post at least 1-2x a week on here. please dont hesitate to send me requests, because sometimes it can be hard to come up with them myself. make sure to read the first chapter where i list what i will and will not write. let me know what you think! also, sorry if the ending seemed a little rushed, i didn't really know how i should end it lol

Matt and I have been dating for about a month now, but we have never done anything more than making out before I stopped it from going further. It was obvious that he knew I was a virgin, and I had never asked him but I assumed he had had sex before at some point. I knew I wanted him to be my first, I trusted him, but I just personally didn't feel ready at the time. But lately, I had been thinking about it a lot, and I decided that I felt as ready as I ever would. I wanted to bring this up to Matt, but I was afraid of it being awkward.

One night, Nick and Chris decided to go to a friends house, but Matt and I decided to stay back at the house and watch a movie together. We were laying in Matt's bed, and he had pulled up a movie on his laptop. We snuggled up under the blanket together and he hit play. I was pretty distracted with my own thoughts, so I wasn't really paying attention that closely to the movie. I kept thinking about having sex with Matt, and the feelings I had that wouldn't go away. I decided I was going to take my chance and talk to him about it. I mean, it was the perfect night, seeing as Nick and Chris would be gone until way later. Matt must have noticed that I was spaced out, because he paused the movie to turn and look at me.

"Hey, you seem lost in thought. Wanna talk about anything?" he asks me gently.

I took in a deep breath before responding. "Can I ask you something?"

"Of course." he replies, grabbing my hand to hold it.

"Okay. Have you had sex before?"

He coughed, surprised at the question, but began to answer me.

"I, um, yeah I have a few times. Why, whats up?"

"I just, I've never done anything like that before, but I think I'm ready, Matt."

"Okay," he replies, taking in what I said. "Like, do you want to have sex right now? Chris and Nick won't be home for a while."

I giggled, partly out of nervousness. "Yeah, that's kinda what I was thinking too." I replied.

"Well in that case, we won't be needing this anymore." He says with a laugh, getting up to put the laptop back on his desk.

He walks back over to the bed and sits back down next to me.

"Do you trust me?" he asks me.

"Of course."

With that, he gently pulls me into his lap and places a cautious kiss on my lips. I cup his cheeks in my hands and kiss him back passionately. We begin to make out, something we have done before, but this time there is more passion behind each kiss than I have ever felt. After a few minutes, I begin to feel more confident, and I start to grind down on his lap as we kiss. He moans into my mouth at the feeling, and I can't help but think about how hot he sounded.

"Can you take this off?" I ask him, tugging at his shirt.

Without a word, he sits up slightly so he can slide the t-shirt off of himself.

"Well now it's only fair that you take yours off, too." he smirks.

I felt slightly nervous, but I went with it, leaving me bare on top.

"God, your beautiful, y/n." he reassures me.

I giggle, but it quickly turns into a gasp as Matt flips us over so he is on top. I couldn't help but look down at the bulge that was now forming in his sweatpants. He begins to kiss my breasts, leaving light hickies. As he kisses down my stomach getting closer and closer to my waistband, I feel butterflies start to form in my stomach. When he finally reaches the waistband of my pants, he hooks his finger into it before looking up at me.

"Can I?" he trails off.

I nod at him, giving him permission. I wasn't expecting him to pull down both my pants and my underwear at the same time, leaving me bare as I felt the cool air hit my body. Without any warning, I felt Matt's tongue hit my folds, kitten licking my clit as I arched my back.

"Ah, fuck Matt! That feels so good!"

I felt him hum against me, sending vibrations of pleasure through my body. He continued eating me out until I felt myself getting close.

"Matt, I think I'm gonna cum!" I told him.

"Mhm, cum for me baby." he told me.

Before long, I was literally seeing stars as I had my first orgasm, overwhelmed with pleasure. Matt pulled away soon after, not wanting to overstimulate me. He wiped his mouth before coming up to kiss me again.

"Did that feel good, baby?" he asked me.

"Oh my god Matt, that was incredible!" I replied.

I kissed him again, still catching my breath. My gaze was brought back down to his crotch, thinking about what I wanted to do.

"Matt, will you teach me how to suck your dick?"

"Fuck, how could I say no to that?" he said with a small laugh.

We switched places so he was now the one laying on the bed, with me in between his legs. I began pulling his sweats down, and he lifted his hips to help me out. Once his pants were off, I looked up at him, both for permission and because I was hoping he would tell me what to do next.

"It's okay sweetheart. There's no right or wrong way to do this, just do what feels right and I'll guide you." he reassured me.

"Okay, thank you." I said.

I decided to try and tease him a little. I could see the outline of his boner through his boxers, and I lightly traced my finger down the shaft. When my finger grazed his tip, he bucked his hips up a bit.

"Sorry babe. But fuck, please don't tease me!" he told me.

I listened to him, wanting to make him feel as good as he made me feel.

"Can you take these off?"

Within seconds his underwear was on the floor, and he was bare in front of me. His dick wasn't huge, but in my eyes it was the perfect size. I remembered what he told me, just do what feels right. I started out by kitten licking the tip, tasting his salty precum. Then I began cautiously jerking him, working up the courage to put him in my mouth.

"You got this, sweetheart. You don't have to take it all at once. Just make sure you cover your teeth with your lips." he advised.

I giggled nervously, not wanting to hurt him. I decided it was now or never. I took his advice and covered my teeth so I wouldn't scratch him, and slowly took him into my mouth, jerking what didn't fit.

"Ahh, yeah baby just like that, keep going!" he moaned.

Knowing that I was making him feel good boosted my confidence, and I continued sucking him off. I reached my other hand down and began gently playing with his balls. That must have been the last straw for him, because he stopped me, pulling out of my mouth.

"Fuck y/n that felt so good, but I don't want to cum yet. You did such a good job." he tells me, giving me a kiss that said I love you without actually saying it.

"Do you want to keep going?" he asks me, making sure I was okay.

"Yes Matt, more than anything."

He smiles at me as we reposition once again to where we started off, with me laying on my back. He leans over to his nightstand, grabbing a condom and a small bottle of lube.

"Wow, you came prepared." I tease.

He just blushes and hands me the condom.

"Put this on for me?"

I may be inexperienced, but I do know how to put on a condom. I tear open the condom and roll it on his dick, which was now in front of my face. He positions himself in between my legs.

"I know your still wet, but I'm gonna use lube too. It will help this not hurt so bad." he told me.

That was the first time I had thought about the pain, but I tried to push the thought to the back of my head and just enjoy myself. He squirted some lube on his hand and rubbed it over the condom, getting closer to me.

"Are you ready babe?"

"Yes, but please be gentle!" I said nervously.

He brought his hand up to gently cup my cheek.

"Of course sweetheart. If it's too much, just tell me and we can stop, okay?"

I took a deep breath. "Okay, I'm ready."

He lined himself up to my entrance, keeping his eyes on me as he slowly pushed himself in.

"Ah!" I whimpered, feeling a burn as he stretched me out for the first time.

"I know hon, we're almost there." he told me.

Once he had bottomed out, he paused, letting me relax and get used to him before he began moving. After a short time, I felt ready for him to move.

"Okay, you can start moving."

He began slowly thrusting in and out. He was right, I think the extra lube definitely helped. The pain slowly faded into pleasure as I began to enjoy the feeling more.

"Faster, Matt!" I told him.

He smiled down at me. "Fuck, there's my girl! You're doing so good baby." he said as he picked up the pace.

Every few minutes he would pick up the pace, going impossibly faster and faster. He leaned down to make out with me some more, while still pumping in and out of me at an ungodly pace. I felt myself reaching another orgasm.

"Matt, I'm close!" I warned him.

"Me too baby. Where do you want my cum?" he asks me.

"I want you to cum in my mouth." I told him, wanting to taste him again.

"Fuck! Oh my god..." he trailed off.

After a few more thrusts he pulled out, sliding the condom off. I sit up and stick out my tongue for him to cum on.

"Shit baby you look so hot like that!" He jerked himself a few times before I felt his warm white cum on my tongue. It was the perfect mix between salty and sweet. I looked him in the eyes as I swallowed, showing him my empty tongue.

"That's my girl, y/n! You did so good for me." he praised, flopping down beside me.

"Fuck Matt, that was incredible! Thank you for being so patient with me."

"Of course y/n, I love you so fucking much." he said, kissing me once again.

"I love you too, Matt. Let's go to bed now, yeah?" I asked him.

"Yes, please."

He wrapped his arms around me, and we fell asleep just like that.

[max1461]

I guess something I really have a hard time with when I'm writing posts is that like, basically all my ethical or otherwise prescriptive opinions are for me. Like. By and large I don't care what other people do, or I care only in a distant intellectual sense with little vigor behind it. There are some domains in which I care a lot but they're in the minority. And so it's like... well, one of the things that I don't want to do is make others feel bad about their own choices or behaviors. Like, that's your life, it's none of my business. Non-judgement is one of my convictions but also conveniently enough one of my natural predilections. So, I don't want to do that. But I do often want to articulate my own normative convictions, partly because I think it's interesting and partly as like... an offer. Like "here's a way you could decide to be, and maybe I will convince you it's the right way". Most of the time I truly won't have any negative feelings towards someone who decides not to take it up, but I would have negative feelings about myself if I failed to live up to it. Because, again, my normative convictions are basically for me, right, they're only incidentally for other people.

So, I sometimes get into trouble, in the sense that I would like to convey this very strongly felt opinion, but I temper it or hesitate to say it because I fear making others feel pressured into following it/making them feel bad for not following it, which I really don't want to do. Like that's not the point that normative convictions have in my thought system most of the time. And sometimes I make the post anyway and then worry a bunch about this. Like "oh no, I'm a popular figure who may be swaying people against their endogenous predilections via my clout". If I sway you to hold different predilections with the strength of my reason, if you take up my ideas as gifts, in a "oh, hadn't thought of that, thanks for pointing it out, this really changes my perspective" way, that's great! That's awesome! But if you're reading my posts like "oh no, the tumblr user I like thinks I'm bad or would judge me for not holding their same views" that's... the vast major of the time something I don't want.

[nevermoorsource]

Jessica Townsend’s recent Instagram post (7/2/24):

Hello! It’s me, Jess. 😊🩷 I am unspeakably delighted to tell you that the (absolute, for sure, official!) publication dates for Silverborn: The Mystery of Morrigan Crow will be 30 April (Australia/NZ), 08 May (UK) and 24 June (US) 2025. I am even more thrilled to share these STUNNING Australia/NZ and US covers, with artwork by the forever brilliant Jim Madsen (who I think has PROPERLY outdone himself this time, just quietly). I’ll also be revealing the beautiful UK cover in the coming weeks! I can’t wait to hear what you think about all three. You may have clocked (particularly if you’ve preordered) that there have been some date changes since my last announcement here. I know April 2025 is later than you’re currently expecting, and I also know how exasperating it can be to wait so patiently for something and then find out you have to wait EVEN LONGER. For this reason, I’ve deliberately held off on announcing any further date changes on social media until now — I wanted to wait until I knew for absolute, definite, no-doubt-about-it certain that the date I told you would be THE ONE. (Although FYI, from an industry perspective my publishers are under a whole different set of pressures, meaning dates have had to be changed online and with booksellers for many sensible reasons. And of course we all VERY MUCH HOPED those dates would work out, but I’ve never felt like I could tell you another pub date myself unless I felt 100% confident I could make it happen.) I cannot tell you how much I appreciate your kindness and patience during the wait for Silverborn! It’s been a long one, partly for various life reasons but also because, frankly, she is a BEAST. In a good way! A LOT happens in this book. Silverborn launches what I’ve always thought of as Act II of Morrigan’s story, but it’s also book 4 of 9, which means there are by now a lot of threads to begin untangling, and even more to lay down for future books. I’m so, so, SO excited for you to read this part of the story next April, and in the meantime I’ve got some fun stuff for you in the coming days and months — I’ll talk some more about this in my Instagram stories imminently! Love JT xx

[ferryfoam]

This is corny and silly but for some reason I truly love Deep Space 9 so so deeply... I think it's wonderfully written, I love each and every one of the main characters and how much they care for each other (the fact that you can /feel/ that they're all genuinely friends and enjoy each others company makes me so ridiculously happy - the little things like how comfortably O'Brien and Julian talk with Odo about their holodeck program, how Jadzia occasionally goes into Odo's room to move all his furniture by a few centimetres, how easily Sisko asks for relationship advice) and the fact that the show allows certain plot-lines the time they deserve to develop properly, rather than rushing through them in just one episode. It's so lovely and I am having the most wonderful time watching it ! Currently I am ~mid season 4, and it's funny but every single episode of s4 so far has been an absolute delight to watch ! Ahhh!!! I feel bad about comparing to to Voyager, but I felt as if around the same place on my voyager watch through I had to kind of force myself to keep watching because goshhh they really fell off in the later seasons (I think my dislike is partly due to the fact that I just don't find the borg interesting at all.. I might have mentioned this in my voyager complaining post but the borg are so deeply boring to me), and as a whole the Voyager crew felt more like they were just tolerating each other at times, rather than having genuine deep friendships with their crew mates (This is pretty obvious but I am a massive platonic relationship fan I love friendship so so much and Voyager was just not doing it for me) and also this is a nitpick but the characters kept making pretty stupid decisions, which I feel DS9 has far less of (ds9 characters tend to actually think things through and do the smart thing. Yay!)

I rambled again oh well tldr I love deep space 9 so much I have genuinely wept thinking about it like the strange little nerd I am

[kosmicdream]

im confident enough to post FFAK, which has anal prolapse, but i dont post the true drama....... my opinions about manga. *dramatic music* sometimes i kinda want to do some reviews.. its mostly me complaining.. it makes me sound so bitter like "do you like anything kosmic!" and..yes ! i do!!! okay!! i like a lot of things. once in a while, i dip my toes into a popular series to try to see if we are a good fit. Series like: Beastars, Dorohedoro, Dungeon meshi,ect.. and i kind. well. I dont like any of them LMAO. I mean, Ok, i actually really was into Beastars for a time, but after the fight with the bear guy (its been a few years sorry) and that story arc concluded.. it just spiraled to laughable levels and did not recover. I was genuinely laughing at it at times bc it kind of felt like a desperate scramble with the like. loopholes and power upgrades.. But I was invested for a time, it had a charm to me! I also loved the art and im curious about the authors next series about santa (partly because i too, am writing a story about santa). Dorohedoro has a great visual style, fun characters, i enjoyed reading but it also kinda didnt ...land for me beyond that, which is a shame. I feel like it is a series that "should" have clicked with me. And its like, not offensive to me but.. I'll forget that ive read the whole thing. I like STUFF in it. but thats not enough for me anymore. If i had read it when i was younger tho, it might have been a diff story. idk. My most unpopular opinion of all is that... I hated Dungeon Meshi.. Sure its ..pretty! cute designs. but i found it SO painfully boring and it actually was a struggle to finish. in the end, it felt like a waste of time.. SHOCKING take i know. That is the darling of everyones heart and i like, understand WHY its popular. .. but for me, i was not fed by anything. i am unfed and starved and going to eat elsewhere oh, and i.. as a person who has read a lot of fighting mangas.. I have tried to read chainsaw man, but i dont know if I can. I did finish Fire Punch. I'm surprised to say: i kinda liked it but it took a long time to force myself to read thru it. I honestly hated many aspects of Fujimoto's storytelling/character acting that i didn't think my opinion on it would change, but I'm a little more open to it now. I dont think i could ever super be into it or whatever, but i did find genuine enjoyment in aspects of fire punch. I did not really like look back. I haven't read his other one shot(s)? Where am i going with all this..I guess im giving some unrequested reviews after all...oops... a lot of this is spurred by how houseki no kuni is one of my most fav series, not only visually/characters/story/ect.. but i cant lie.... the ending... was kind of a flop for me... gorgeous and poetic ig sure but.. AUGH! it isnt what i wanted. maybe it'll be one of those "it'll grow on me" endings but thats mostly me having to go thru the 5 stages of personal grief and gaslight myself into it, but as the like actual honest first-reaction feeling it kinda lost me. I think it did not work when i felt the confrontation btwn phos/cinnabar wasn't the one i wanted to see. i will say tho, while im dissapointed, its not like a DEEP one or anything. I know its a miracle to even get to an ending.. i guess my take away feeling from it was like "everything fit together too well, too planned" but didnt feel planned, emotionally. I wasn't sold on it. Anyway, im here to speak my truth and my hot takes which, i honestly dont even want to have that one about HnK but its the real feeling i have for it.. Once again Utena's ending just has made all these other issues i have with various stories more obvious LOL

[teecupangel]

Submitted by @saberamane

Saw this artwork by astarcis and my mind immediately went ‘what would the ancestors do if they found this, and it was actually Desmond reincarnated after the eye?’ Like the various animal Desmond’s people have submitted.

Altair would probably find it fascinating, and Maria would not want it around the kids at all, it’s at least partly snake, what if it bit the children? Jokes on Maria though, the children love this strange abomination, and Desmond in kind loves kids. And with his knowledge, he’d be able to stay behind and protect Malik and Sef when the others leave to kill Genghis Khan. Give Abbas an agonizing death with his venom or something.

I feel Ezio would probably find him somewhere and take him to Leonardo. He’d maybe say something stupid to Leo like 'what kind of dog is this? I’ve never seen such a thing before.’ And Leo, bless his soul, would be like 'you can’t be that stupid Ezio. Thats not a dog. I don’t know what that is. Where did you find it?’ 'I’m going to keep him. He’s kinda cute.’ Desmond is very sweet to Maria and Claudia, which just cements Ezio’s thoughts that he is some kind of weird dog. It wags it’s tail and everything like a dog. Even if it does swallow it’s food whole…

Ratonhnhaké:ton and his tribe probably think of him as a forest spirit or something. They’d definitely know he wasn’t 'natural’ and therefore would try to honor him so as to not bring misfortune on the tribe by being disrespectful.  Desmond would hang around the temple a lot, trying to find a way to destroy Juno, or at least make it so she can’t communicate with Ratonhnhaké:ton. And Charles Lee would definitely die horribly by his poison bite before he could kill the tribe. Once Ratonhnhaké:ton was older, Desmond would probably start following him around more, leaving the temple more often. Helping with hunts and such. Of course, the tribe would then think Ratonhnhaké:ton was the 'chosen one’ or something by the spirit and would start to ask him what Desmond wanted for tribute or something lol.

(The creature is called a 'nightstalker’ from fallout new vegas, i’ve never played that series myself, but it seems to have a lot of interesting creatures from the nuclear fallout that occurred.)

Any additional thoughts or head-cannon’s?

==============

(Additions from teecup)

Well, first and foremost... don’t look at the actual nightstalker from Fallout New Vegas. They don’t... look as cute as the one above. XD

Also, here’s the tumblr post of that artwork

As for additional headcanons and thoughts:

I like to think that Desmond is one of those nightstalkers that can turn invisible and the first time he does it, everybody panicked because they thought he flatout disappeared.

Sef definitely loves Desmond the most as he grew up with Desmond being both his guard dog and babysitter. Sef’s daughters also love Desmond and likes to hug him. Unlike Maria who had been worried, Sef absolutely encourages his daughters to play with Desmond.

Malik’s son, Tazim, was once dared to tug Desmond’s tail. Just to be a jerk, Desmond howled loudly and pretended to die for dramatic effect. It traumatized Tazim so badly because he honestly believed he killed Desmond. Desmond felt super bad especially since no one could stop Tazim from crying even after Desmond showed that he’s alive and well.

Desmond didn’t think it would be a big deal since Darim’s preferred method of stopping him from doing something stupid was to tug his tail anyway.

Leonardo would definitely draw sketches of Desmond which would baffle historians in later years. Leonardo is also the only person to wonder how Desmond reproduces (Nightstalkers lay eggs… and… uuuhhh… every nightstalker has a chance to drop eggs if you kill them so… I’m not saying Desmond can lay eggs… I’m just saying… the possibility exists?)

Desmond mostly communicates with growls and whimpers but whenever it’s time to poison someone, he hisses and rattles.

The preferred poison of the Assassins was based on his venom thanks to Altaïr’s studies. This means that old Assassin families are immune to his venom. This includes Haytham.

Desmond definitely destroyed the crystal skull that Juno uses to communicate with Ratonhnhaké:ton’s tribe by playing with it like it’s a ball of yarn. The villagers just assumed it was the will of the spirits.

Whenever anyone asks Ratonhnhaké:ton what Desmond wants for tribute, Ratonhnhaké:ton always answers that the best tribute is a kill by their hunters that will be shared with the tribes as some kind of festivity. It took months for Desmond to be able to explain it to Ratonhnhaké:ton using charades and Desmond was actually just saying ‘a meal together’.

George Washington cannot get near Ratonhnhaké:ton because Desmond hisses and rattle any time he tries... Haytham also gets the hissing and rattling treatment.

[ineffectualdemon]

Since I can't sleep and I've been thinking about this since Wednesday I'm going to inarticulately talk about it here

I saw a post when blocking a TERF that was basically saying "why can't you just explore androgyny and stuff changing your gender identity"

And obviously it's a stupid fucking TERF logic question

But I found my immediate reaction interesting

Because my immediate thought was it was because I didn't want to be an androgenous woman

I like androgyny on women but I couldn't relate it to myself. Partly because I am fat and when I was growing up "androgyny" always equaled "thin"

But also I didn't relate to feeling like a woman a lot of the time so feeling like a GMC or androgynous woman felt like walking in the wrong direction

Tbh since coming out as non binary I haven't changed much. I'm not on T I am never going to medically transition in anyway and a lot of people treat me as a woman

But I know I'm not

I know I'm an every changing river

That I am not a woman or a man but I also am and I'm everything else as well.

I'm genderqueer and that makes cutting my hair a certain way feel joyous. It means wearing a skirt with hairy legs feels normal and right

Because at least I know I'm not coming at GNC and gender fuckery as a woman and that makes me feel confident and content in myself

[nica-my-beloved]

Ikemen Series IN-Game Soundtracks I'm Dying For....

These Ikemen Series games have some of the best soundtracks I've ever listened too. The Main OST or theme songs are great but the in-game ones are magical. Usually I don't pay attention to the in-game music from Otome games because I'm too focused on the voice acting. Since the Ikemen Series, barely have voice acting besides the Prologue, I was able to pay more attention to the music of these games and I was stunned at how good some soundtracks were. Here are some of my favorites.

*The titles of these soundtracks are not official. They are made-up by me.

*They are in-game recordings.

*Headphones recommended!

Technically not an 'Ikemen series game' but it's still partly developed by Ikemen series developers so I think it still counts. I wanted to shed some light on how refreshing the soundtracks of Morganatic Idol are. This one in particular is so refreshing that I'm thinking of making it my ringtone. This soundtrack really reminds me of the Healer Kdrama Theme song. Rejuvenating me every time I listen to this.

This one as well. When I first heard it in Xeno's route, it fit the scenario so perfectly that I freaking LOVED IT. It's kinda similar to the Main Theme but much cooler, fast....and maybe a little bit badass.

Okay, I'm done talking about Morganatic Idol. Let's start with the actual Ikemen series now. Ikemen Revolution's main theme is epic. I fell in love with it when I first heard it and that mindset has never been changed since. The music fits the vibe of the game perfectly and it does sound magical.

I don't know why, but every time I listen to this theme, it makes me feel.....naughty? The music sounds like a lustful yet pure romantic moment between the characters and I find myself blushing, a little too much.

This one is a more sweeter and lovely version of the Main OST of the game, and when I first heard it in Ibuki's ending I just felt a lot of blissful emotions that I can't talk. This music makes me both happy, sad and loved at the same time. How is that even possible?

I saved the best one for last! When I first heard this soundtrack in the 2nd Prologue....my heart was pounding. I was blushing. I wanted stuff my face into my pillow because I was feeling all kinds of emotions. The song made me so happy, I could die!! This one too, is a sweeter version of one of the OST of the game. I feel like this theme fits the game even more perfectly than the Main OST by Do As Infinity. Just to be clear, I'm not saying that the Main OST is bad. But this one is so magical that it hits the spot!! I wished they used this as the ending theme as well because every time I hear it, it makes me happy for no reason.

There are more soundtracks I like, but I don't wanna dump everything in one post, so I'll make another one once I finish recording it.

[stillnotyourmusebitch]

Am I enough - Bowser x GN!Reader fic

This fic has been one I've been working on for ages but I finally felt it was time to post it. Because deep down writing this has really helped me

Warnings : Heavy angst, talks of burnout, psychotic meltdown. Happy ending.

It’s true what people say about giving your all but it just not being enough. I knew being among that of Bowser’s castle staff would be a very difficult and demanding job. That was partly the reason I took it in the first place.

As my life in the real world just wasn’t right for me. So, you can imagine when I discovered an oddly large green pipe one day hidden away in an abandoned alleyway I cut through that night to prolong getting back home. I chuckled to myself at the thought of going through it and wondered what it would be like if I found a way into one of the many Super Mario worlds. My curiosity got the better of me. I got what I wished for and more so.

I’ve been living in the Darklands for a few years now. After I was found near the castle of King Bowser. I chose to work for him. Rising steadily up the ranks to a place where I was the caregiver role to the children of the king. This meant taking each day as it came because no two were the same. I was a platform for their pranks until they saw I wasn’t going to be scared away by them. Soon after that, the wee koopalings really grew to like me. They came to me with their problems. When they wanted an outside look at projects they were working on and even let me in on the newest revenge prank in the works. We grew into an odd sort of family dynamic. I would even at a push say that Bowser was more a close friend than my king.

I was known for my kind smile and caring nature to all who needed help. But lately, I felt the wild spark that fanned my bubbly personality had dimmed to a low flutter that threatened to extinguish leaving a husk of smoke behind to fill and suffocate my soul. I tried that much harder to act like all was well but when the big man himself kept trying to gently approach the subject of my recent spout of sadness. I found that the phrase “I’m fine really I am.” And a soft smile that had become the lifeline I clung dearly to was just enough to brush away any concern he had or so I thought.

----

I had barely managed to get through the day with my mask of normality not slipping and shattering to the ground But oh how it fell freely as soon as I shut the door to my quarters. My body sank in on itself with the weight of utter exhaustion finally being allowed to take over once more. Jr had noticed I had zoned out for the 5th time today when we were painting this afternoon. I told him that it was fine. I’m just a little bit tired. He looked at me for a second more before shrugging and going back to his canvas.

I know that I really need to sleep but right now I know if I went to bed I would just not want to wake up for the next day and the day after that and so on. I can’t worry my king or the koopalings. I think that is why I find my way to my ensuite bathroom in the darkness of my room. I didn’t want to put any lights on but when I got to the large tub and start to fill it. I set about lighting candles but only in the furthest corners of the room. It was better than nothing. It was just bright enough to see a silhouette of the bath at the center of the room. My eyes had adjusted to the dimness now that I just stood and stared at the water slowly rising up higher and higher. I normally would get undressed at this point. But what was the point.

I let the water rise higher transfixed by the sound of running water. My limbs moving on autopilot. I just climbed in completely clothed, shoes and all, leaned back, and finally closed my eyes.

I wanted to slip under the water and just drift away. People in my old life didn’t care but in the one I made here, I was wanted. Dare I say loved?

‘Am I enough?’

Thoughts swam frantically around in my mind. Each lasting a split second but long enough to make itself known. I don’t remember crying but it felt good to let it all go. The bath water was spilling over the sides now. I hadn’t turned the taps off. But it was okay. I let it run on. Flow over and pool beneath the tub. I let out the most guttural scream. Expelling all the negativity out of me. I just needed it gone.

“(Y/N) CAN YOU HEAR ME.” His booming voice split the air. I heard his heavy footsteps thud closer to the bathroom. The door broke into splintered pieces on the wet ground. “(Y/n)!” Bowser runs to my side. His large, clawed fingers turned the taps off, partially breaking one in the frantic movements. He scooped my sodden body out of the bath and cradled me close to his warm skin.

“Please talk to me.” He scanned me body to see if I was hurt.

I could see him talking but all I could hear was a high tinny white noise. I couldn’t get my limbs to obey me. I just hung there limply in his arms.

“I got you. I got you now.” He clings to me like I might fade from his grip into nothingness.

“B-bowser.” My tongue feels heavy in my mouth as I try to speak again.

“I’m here. I’m right here.” He sounds so small. Not like the fierce king everyone else gets to see. I’m crying again at the fragility that I’ve forced upon him.

“I-I’m so sorry sir.”

“No don’t say that. You have nothing to be sorry for. When Jr came to me today telling me he was worried about you. I should have stopped everything and gotten here sooner.”

Oh no. I scared Jr why didn’t I hide this better. Why didn’t I do something sooner?

“I’m frightened.” I choke out another sob.

“It’s okay.”

“But it’s not.” I hit his chest. “This is my fault. I let it get this bad. I kept pushing people away.” I keep thumping my fists against his chest and he just lets me. I’m begging him to just do something. Stop me. Just do something.

“I’m so tired. So damn tired.” I hit his chest once more before slumping against him again. He pulls me close. I can hear his heartbeat. It’s frantic, it’s worried. I nuzzle closer maybe if I get close enough it will calm down again. Even though I have clearly gone through a meltdown. I want to help him.

“I know you are. It’s been blatantly obvious that you were burning out before our eyes but you are so strong and caring you kept putting others before yourself. I need you to remember that you are enough. That you matter and you deserve to rest. The children will be fine for a few days if you take that time to rest up. Please let someone look after you for a little while. Please let me help you.”

I reach up and cup the side of his muzzle. His hand rests on top of mine like we are sealing a bargain. I smile weakly, to which he returns. He stands up, still holding onto me. As he walks us both back to my large bed. I’m starting to drift off to sleep but I needed to stay awake just enough to change into dry clothes that Bowser helps me into. Before lifting the covers and tucking me in. He looks down at me all curled up and slowly falling asleep. He moves off the bed but I grasp at his hand.

“Stay.” My voice is so small but he hears me. When the bed dips behind me I feel him pull me closer to his chest again. I finally let exhaustion take me but not before I felt him kiss the top of my head. A real smile tugs at my lips.

Maybe I am enough.

--------

This is my first fic in months and Bowser has been a real comfort character for me recently. So I hope people like this. Even if it was more of a personal idea.