#posting this here bc i need it said out loud but i cannot post in my vanilla blog where people from irl know me

[bellysoupset]

venting.

there are very few things as alienating as having your friend texting about their upcoming plans to move to europe, all the while you're texting the social worker about your own possible cancer diagnosis at 25ish years old.

the flip between emotion A and B is so insane, its giving me whiplash.

[izzy-b-hands]

A moth has kicked me out of my room for the night, but i have the tv downstairs that i can leave on to fall asleep to and that's not so bad

[licorice-tea]

Young And Dumb.

Pairing: Trafalgar Law x reader

Content: Strawhat reader, gender neutral reader, reader is flirty and bold, cursing, allusions to sex and a threesome, no actual sexual content!!!, pining, kissing 🤭, misunderstandings/ miscommunication, a little bit of arguing, hurt/comfort <3

Word Count: 1.7k

A/N: kind of been in a writing slump these past few days, so i just wanted to write and post something, you know? it’s weird bc i have a ton of wips in my drafts, but none of them really felt finished, so i did this whole thing in maybe 2 hours? hopefully it’s enough to pull me out of my little funk so i can get back to posting more regularly! anyway, enjoy!

Law respects you. He respects your choices, your independence from him, even your crew that he doesn’t always like personally. But one thing he absolutely cannot stand is when you do things like this.

The first thing he hears upon walking up to the deck is giggling. Bothersome, but not too loud or unusual that it throws off his routine. Besides; he’s sure his crew must be glad to be above the waves for once, and happy to have the company of the Straw Hats as well. The two crews had wound up with their ships anchored next to each other in the middle of the sea, and agreed to stay there before their courses diverged once again.

He sees you talking to Penguin and Shachi- the source of said laughter. But, Law does a double take when you let out a shriek of laughter. Then he realizes just how closely the two of them are standing to you. You’re not even on the same crew as them, but you look real cozy with Penguin’s hand around your waist and Shachi’s on your shoulder. Of course, he knows your friendliness can border on flirtation (and desperately wants to be on the receiving end of that flirting right now instead of his crew members) but that logic does nothing to calm him.

Law’s perpetual frown turns into a full on scowl as he marches over to the trio you’ve formed. “Penguin! Shachi! Have you…” he loses his train of thought when you give him a quizzical expression, and realizes there is nothing that they haven’t already done. “Your chores. Below deck.”

“Sure have, captain!”

“Yes, captain!”

All three of you look at him expectantly, unsure of why he’s still standing before you. “Are you ok, Law?”

“Ok?” No he wasn’t fucking ok. How could he be when two of his closest friends were throwing themselves at you, and you were letting them? They didn’t even know how he felt for you- no one does- but still. This was just too much for him.

“I need to speak to you, y/n-ya.”

With regard for his serious tone and expression, you wriggle out from between your two friends and follow Law all the way to his office. When you get there and he finally shuts the door, you don’t sit.

Instead you approach him, “Is something wrong? You seemed really upset.”

He looks down at you with a frown. You can tell he’s contemplating his next words before answering, “…Everything is fine.”

“Oh? Ok, so… why are we here then?”

Law breathes deeply, and exhales in a huff. “I need to tell you something.”

“Is it… serious? You’re being kind of weird, Law.”

“I am not.”

“Hm, well, no; you are. But what’s up?”

“I-“ he stops himself and sighs again before continuing. “So dramatic,” you think to yourself. “You shouldn’t get so close to Penguin and Shachi.”

You blink a few times, shocked. He could either be confessing his overwhelming love for you (which you highly doubted, Law had never seemed to reciprocate your affections for him) or giving you some spiel about inappropriate relationships. “Excuse me?”

“They do this kind of thing all the time, y/n-ya; messing around with random women and men, and-“

“And what, Law? I’m an adult, for fucks sake, I don’t need anyone telling me what to do.”

“You don’t understand, they- they want something from you.”

“I know damn well you’re not lecturing me on my sex life right now, Trafalgar Law.”

His face gets hot just from the thought of it. “I am not! But you can’t-“

“Yes, Law, I can. I’m not going to, wasn’t even planning on it; all I did was flirt with them. But believe me when I say I can.”

He’s silent, with an expression akin to that of a bewildered fish. Then it morphs into more of a frown. “I-“

“Don’t even continue with that thought, because you’ve already managed to piss me off beyond belief. Just- just get out of my way.” You step around him and fling open the door to his office before storming off.

That evening, the two crews gather on the deck of the Thousand Sunny for a feast. You find an empty seat, and soon enough Penguin and Shachi place themselves on either side of you.

“Heyyyy y/n.” The first greets you with a sort of awkward, nervous cadence.

“Hey guys, sorry I left without saying bye earlier.”

“Oh it’s fine, you’re good…”

“We’re sorry too.”

This makes you quirk an eyebrow in confusion and look side to side at either of them. “Why would you be sorry?”

They shoot a quick glance at each other, but it’s very obvious because they have to look across you to do so.

“Did you know that, well… Law sort of…”

“He has feeling for you. Big time.”

You almost spit out your drink. “What? Oh, ok, real funny guys-“

“No, no we’re serious!”

“Yeah! You should hear the way he talks about you-“

“All good things, of course, it’d be hard not to- But anyway he was never going to tell you because he doesn’t think you’re interested, blah blah blah-“

“Which is why we decided to try and make him jealous!”

“…I’m so confused right now. No, not even confused just… surprised?”

“Don’t blame yourself, Captain’s hard to read sometimes.”

“Good thing we figured it out for you, right?” Shachi elbows your side, clearly pleased with himself.

“Uh huh...”

Penguin continues “Anyway, we thought it worked when he said he needed to talk to you earlier, but when you came back you seemed sort of upset.”

“Yeah, well he was kind of acting like a dick.”

He sighs, “Law means well, I swear. He’s just… he’s not the best with matters of the heart.”

“That’s ironic.”

Shachi leans over you to address his friend. “Not the best? C’mon man, he has zero experience.”

“Shh! We want y/n to feel for him, not pity him.”

You laugh, “Right, so… what should I do?”

“Do you like him back?” Such a childish way of saying it.. but you do. And you had, for a while, but you’d never acted on your feelings because he’d never seem to like you as anything other than a friend. Until earlier today, when his jealously led him to say some kind of rude things to you. It was no excuse, but it explained why he’d acted the way he did.

You smile softly and look down. “I do.”

“Then go talk to him!”

“Yeah, go talk to him y/n!”

The two men excitedly get you up out of your seat and (gently) push you toward where Law is leaning on the railing of the deck. You laugh and go along with it- if what they were saying is true, what could be the harm in being honest about your own feelings with him?

You walk briskly toward Law, but with purpose, And when you stop in front of him, he looks up from his cup like a deer in headlights.

He quietly greets you with a nod. “…Y/n-ya.”

“Law. Can we talk?”

He nods and follows you to the starboard side of the deck, far enough from where the dinner and light music is. You come to a stop and turn to face him.

“You know, I’ve been talking to Penguin and Shachi…”

Law deadpans, still annoyed about how they were all over you earlier. “Mhm.”

“And they told me something about you. I didn’t really believe it, at first, because you never… Well you never acted like you do, but-“

“Like I what?”

“Like you… have feelings for me?”

“Shit.” He was going to kill them after this. Or at the very least, make sure they had the worst of the chores on the Polar Tang for the foreseeable future. “They… They told you that?”

“Yes, but-“ Law turns and tries to walk off with his fists clenched, before you stop and grab one of his wrists. “I feel the same way, Law. If it’s true, of course.“

“It is.”

You smile. “If you were jealous earlier, you could’ve just said so. Then I wouldn’t have gotten angry with you.”

“You’re not interested in them?”

“No, we’re just friends… But I didn’t think you were interested in me, either, so I didn’t see the harm in flirting.”

Law shrugs, looking down at his shoes. You’ve never seen him so shy. “Well, I didn’t think you felt the same way, so I never, uh, confessed.”

“Well,” you take a step closer, and risk your chances by gently lifting his chin with one hand. “I do.”

Law’s eyes roam over your face, mouth gaping as he searches for his next words. He wants to say something suave and impressive, to take back control of the situation when you so clearly have him wrapped around your finger. However, he comes up with nothing, and decides to try something new instead. Maybe your boldness has simply inspired him to suddenly come up with this master plan, or maybe he just can’t think of anything else with you standing so close; but he kisses you.

It’s slow and hesitant for the first few seconds- you think he’s probably new to this by the way he lips press into yours forcefully and without much intention. You wrap your arms around his neck and pull him closer, guiding him to sink his lips into yours rather than have them press flat against each other. He follows suit, then pulls away for a quick breath before going right back for you. He sighs into the kiss this time, and your lips part ever so slightly. He takes this as opportunity try and go a little further- his tongue passes in the slit between your lips and you open them further to let him. What had started off as a small kiss quickly becomes a less than innocent make out session. Law is bold with it, too; nipping at your lips and causing you to gasp so that he can take you by surprise and kiss you that much more deeply (on more than one occasion.) You can both practically feel the tension built up over months of pining after each other dissipating.

At long last you pull away, for fear your mouth will go numb if you let him bite your lips one more time.

And Law asks, slightly panting; “How was that?”

You laugh, genuinely surprised that he’s concerned about his performance in what might’ve been was the best kiss of your life. “Perfect, Law. Just perfect.”

[bonnibuckets]

— party boyfriend | leon kennedy

700 follower special!!

pairing: bbf leon x afab reader

warnings: smut! brother best friend leon, a little ooc leon, party setting, mentions of SA!, mention of alcohol!, pet names, degradation, praise, oral (m receiving), size kink, rough, almost getting caught, unprotected sex :0, creampie, public sex, leon saying no and stop a few times

synopsis: you get grabbed on at a party and leon is there to comfort you

wc: 2.9k+

note: this poll won so y’all get smut but for the ppl who wanted fluff I PROMISE NEXT FIC WILL BE!! this is also based on this audio, so credit to them for this🙏 (i didnt follow it down exactly to a t but it comes close) also now finishing this i feel guilty posting this bc it’s not 100% original but i hope y’all like it nonetheless

── ⋅ ⋅ ── ✩ ── ⋅ ⋅ ──

You heard the music blaring in the house and your head was slightly dizzy. You walked through the hallway and felt someone’s hand grab your ass. You immediately turned and slapped the hand away— some random creep “Got a fat ass” he smirked, and you felt sick to your stomach “fuck off” you huffed.

You wanted to punch him in the face, but you opted to just walk out of the house to get some fresh air to escape. You heard the creeps' insults as you walked away, but you ignored them. You opened the door and walked down the steps, you didn’t know what to do so you called your brother's best friend— Leon who is also at this stupid party.

“Hey?” you heard the ambiance of the party and could barely hear Leon, “Can you meet me outside please?” “What? Okay yeah, I’ll be there” He gruffed before hanging up. It took a few minutes before you heard the door open and close “What, what’s up?” Leon said a little annoyed— probably because you ruined his fun but you didn’t care right now.

“I need to talk to you,” you said and Leon rolled his eyes “I’m pretty sure I can guess what this is about, last time we came to one of these we kissed” You shook your head trying to explain but Leon cut you off “sure it happened I was drunk you were drunk, shouldn’t have been but we kissed” you felt a little angry at the fact he wouldn’t let you speak but you sighed and continued to listen.

“It happened, I get it okay you know, but I’m friends with your brother I’m not doing that again” you groan “No, it’s not about that! Some guy fucking grabbed on me,” you said frustrated. “Oh…gross, who was he?” “I don't know some fucking creep,” you said looking down.

“Well I'm sorry, just don't tell your brother, though he’ll never let you come to another one of these again” he chuckles and you raise an eyebrow at that, why would he care? “Why not?” you joked “Because you’re cool to hang out with I guess,” Leon said a little awkwardly, “So why did you drag me out here?” he questioned and you felt your cheeks burn.

“I don't know I was thinking maybe if the guy saw you with me he’d leave me alone” You shrugged now feeling a little stupid admitting your plan out loud. “Oh, so now if he gets hella trashed he’ll come to beat me up?” he laughed, “No!” you said panicking a little as Leon shook his head “Nah just saying you know telling you how it feels” you groan and roll your eyes.

“I’m just messing, it’s cool we can stay out here for a little while until you want to go back inside and drink or dance,” he said sitting on the steps and you followed. “Can we drink together?” you asked smiling, “No absolutely not, we cannot drink and dance together” he argued and you felt a little hurt but you scooted closer, “What are you doing?” he said a little shocked you ignored him and leaned your head on his shoulder.

He groaned “Fine. You can lean on me to “sell” the image I guess” You smirked and felt his warmth “Put your arm around me, it’ll sell it more” you teased wanting more. Leon cocked an eyebrow “No, I am not doing that” You frowned and begged “Pleaseeee?” he rolled his eyes. “Don’t frown at me from down there” he laughed.

You gasped “Down there?!” I’m not that fucking short asshole. “Yes down there” he laughed “You have to look up at me when talking, when we kissed I had to lay on the floor-“ you cut him off and punched his arm. “Ouch- okay okay” he laughed before wrapping an arm around you, “just 1 arm okay, I gotta look cool” he smiled.

“What if I want to get laid tonight, you’d ruin the chance” you laughed, he couldn’t be serious “Like someone would want to” he looked a little offended “Um yeah some girl totally would” he rolled his eyes.

You always had a little crush on Leon but you never acted on those feelings fully, the only time you did was once when drunk and Leon doesn’t count it. This time was different. You both were sober and you felt a little confident, you wanted him so you teased him.

“Why don’t we?” He looked at you like you were crazy. “Um, because I’ve known your brother for my whole life, and I'd rather him not catch us,” he said shaking his head and looking off into the street and you laughed, catching us kissing?” you smiled.

“No im not worried about kissing,” he said turning to look at you before leaning into your ear and whispering “im worried about him catching me fucking rearranging you” You immediately felt your breath hitch and your whole body heat up at his words as he pulled away and watched you get all flustered. Your heart filled with hope— maybe he felt the same about you, just maybe.

“And besides he’s inside right now,” Leon said pointing to the door, you both looked back “I don't think he can see outside the glass though, wait,” he said getting up and you followed “I don't think anyone can see for that matter,” he said looking inside.

He turned back and it looked like he had a revelation, “you, you just used this to get me close to you huh?” he said towering over you, you smirked— maybe a little but it wasn’t entirely your plan but you decided to bite the bullet and palm him through his jeans. You knew it would change the subject but also to let him know you wanted him, not like that bullshit drunk kiss.

He immediately reacted and looked down at you, “You cannot do that.” Leon let out a shaky breath, he looked at the door and furrowed his brows looking back at you “I think he’s coming you have to stop it” he said grabbing your wrist and pushing you into the door. Your breath hitched and you felt your heart beating out of your chest as you swallowed your spit dryly.

He pulled it away and looked at you sternly “You cannot be doing that understand? You’re being fucking bad” he said sucking his teeth, you felt yourself getting slick and you smiled looking up at him trying to make him break. “Fine” You smiled and turned around to look inside— pressing your ass against him. You chuckled and got onto your tiptoes and peered inside, “Oh yea? Gotta look inside, and rub that little ass on me huh?” he said, sucking in a breath.

“Gotta get on your tiptoes for that princess?” he teased and you felt your cheeks burn and you immediately turned around setting your feet flat, you looked down and saw his bulge. You smiled feeling beyond confident and he looked down to see what you were looking at and he practically read your mind, “Yes yes I’m hard” he tried to brush it off as if it was nothing, but you wouldn’t let him get away that easily.

“Why?” you smiled, of course, you knew why but teasing Leon was too much fun. “because you’re fucking gorgeous— Jesus okay, but no we cannot I’ve known your brother way longer and our friendship will last longer than any orgasm,” he said shaking his head trying to reason with you.

“Your dick says otherwise” you smirk, “yes okay but that’s not a valid point,” he said looking around to see if anyone was noticing but it was pitch black. “But I need you Leon,” you say squeezing your thighs to try and get any friction. His face immediately changed and you could tell you were breaking him, “huh, really now..how much?” he asked cautiously.

“So fucking bad, I’m dripping,” you said trying to press your body against him, he gently pushed you away “Okay okay— sorry but we cannot be doing this, absolutely not your brother is inside that house, so no” you felt frustrated and this was going nowhere so you decided to spice it up “fine, I’ll just go back inside,” you said turning around but Leon grabbed you “no don't just go back inside the creep is probably looking for you,” he said pulling you back.

“Then what do you want me to do?” you said turning back around, you knew if you put enough pressure on Leon he’d crack “Look- fuck I don’t know okay,” he said before you both heard footsteps and the door handle jiggled. Your heart dropped and you both panicked and immediately ran to the side of the house, Leon grabbed you and pulled you as fast as he could and covered your mouth with his hand “Shutupshutp just shut the fuck up” he whispered yelled.

“Sis? Are you out here?” you both heard and froze, you smirked— the perfect opportunity to test him, you immediately rubbed him through his pants. “Fuck no don't please come on” he whispered, the door closed and Leon let out a breath and you took that moment to get on your knees and unzip his pants. “Oh! my god” he said panicking as you pulled his cock out and looked up at him.

“Stop. Stop it” he said trying to get you off but you smiled and pumped him with your hands before kissing the tip. “Oh, my god, that’s not fucking fair” he moaned, and you smiled. You had broken through, “it’s so big” you teased and kissed the side, “of course you think it is it’s half your god damn size— god stop. stop it,” he said running his fingers through his hair.

“Oh my god, you have to stop” he moaned and shook his head “We can’t no stop,” he said but made absolutely no effort to pull you off. “You won okay, fuck” he said as you pushed up his shirt to see his trail and swirled your tongue at the tip making his knees buckle slightly.

You saw Leon give in to you and you never felt more proud, you popped off and smiled up at him. “Jesus okay fine, we’ll do it okay just— just this once,” he said pushing your hair out of the way “So fucking gorgeous with my cock in your hand princess” he smiled softly.

“Just suck my cock” he said panting and you immediately dove in, “oh shit yea just like that, make it sloppy,” he said closing one eye. You smiled and took him as far as was comfortable and sucked while pumping the rest. You popped off and spat on it before swirling your hand up and down it before paying attention to the tip, he moaned and entangled his fingers in your hair. Your heart was beating so fast, you’d been dreaming about this moment for years ever since you graduated from high school at 18 and left for college.

“Oh fuck, yea just like that— so fuckin’ dirty” he smiled and his core was tightening. You took him deep into your mouth and used your other hand to touch his balls and he immediately sucked in a breath and smiled, “Yeah keep going— come on baby” he moaned watching you devour him. “Ohh…oh yeah” he chuckled as his dick twitched in your mouth, “fucking drool all over it, be a good fucking girl f’me”

You were a mess down there, dripping out your panties, but you weren’t complaining at all. Watching Leon enjoy your mouth gave you validation like no other, you wanted more— no needed more. “Yeah so cute, you feel all that in your mouth?” he asked and you hummed and he winced feeling it, and chuckled. “Yeah well I’m gonna fucking use this cock on you like your a fleshlight— like a toy made just for me” he smiled.

You immediately moaned against him as you felt a jolt of pleasure send straight to your cunt. “Play with yourself” he moaned trying not to get too excited, “come on, rub that clit” he said desperately as you gagged on him. You reached down with one hand and dove into your panties, immediately moaning against him as your fingers met your clit.

You rubbed circles and slapped it gently before plunging 2 fingers in, “atta girl, such a good slut for me” he said as his breath was hitching slightly. “Yea drip all over the grass” he moaned and you kept fucking yourself with your fingers. He groaned and pulled you off abruptly and picked you up to stand on your feet, “turn— turn around fucking bend over” he said kissing your lips.

You immediately did hands pressing against the cold house, “good girl” he smiled and pulled down your panties to your thighs. He aligned his cock with your pussy and slowly went in, you both moaned as he went deeper, “oh my god” you said looking back. “So fucking good, hugging me so good” he smiled a toothy grin.

He shook his head and came back to reality “You’re okay?” he asked a little concerned and your heart swelled at the thought of him caring about you even in a moment like this, “good, so good” you huffed and pushed your hips back into his trying to get more. “Oh god,” he moaned as his hips met yours before pulling back and thrusting again. Your voice hitched and you tried to fuck yourself against him as well, “yea that’s right fuck” he chuckled and slapped your ass.

You went forward a little and gasped as he gripped the red mark before slapping it again, grabbing the fat of your ass roughly. He groaned and struggled to bend down to meet your ass, “fuck, it's hard bending down” he said breathlessly “Do— do you trust me?” he asked and you nodded.

“Good, I’m gonna pick you up and fuck myself into you how does that sound? Yeah, you won’t have to think about anything else but this dick okay?” He asked and you moaned and he pulled your panties to your ankles and spun you around and picked you up holding you tightly. “It's okay I won't drop you” he smiled and kissed your lips quickly, before pushing his dick back into you thrusting up and pulling you down slightly.

You both moaned at the new angle as he hit even deeper inside you, you felt so tiny in his arms but in a good way. It was turning you on so much as he buried his face into your neck, he moaned and pushed your back against the house and you wrapped your legs around his back as your panties fell to the ground.

He reached down and rubbed your clit as you felt yourself getting worked up, you knew if he kept pounding you so good you’d gush. “Yea, yea, shit, so good, you don't even have to think huh? You can just focus on being a whore for me yea?” he smiled and bit your neck as you moaned, he left sloppy kisses all along your neck.

“God wanna fill you up, but it's such a bad idea” he chuckled, you could feel you were losing it, “on birth control” you huffed out. Leon immediately grinned, “yea? Then I’m gonna stuff you full” he moaned and felt his hand cramping up but he didn’t care because he felt you tightening around him.

You moaned and wrapped your arms around his neck moaning his name as he kept pounding and rubbing you, “Oh god im so close” he moaned. All your senses were overloaded— the cold house on your back, Leo’s cock, his warm body, and the adrenaline from the risk of getting caught only fueled you and you felt your orgasm seconds away as he thrusts into you so hard and at the right angle.

Your eyes rolled back as you clawed at his back and squeezed around him gushing, he immediately stopped rubbing your clit and grabbed you by your thighs before ramming into you at an ungodly speed. “Oh fuck.. oh god yesses” you both moaned like a mantra before he sunk his teeth into your shoulder and came deep inside you.

You moaned in pain as you were panting and he groaned before slowly pulling out and setting you down. You smiled and huffed “So fucking good” you teased and he smiled “Yeah”. “Get your panties before anyone sees,” he says, tucking himself back in and zipping his zipper.

You did and looked up at him, he placed his hand on your shoulders and tried to fix your hair, “god everyone's gonna know what happened if you go back inside now” he chuckled “I don't care” You smiled and wrapped your arms around his neck as you stood on your tiptoes.

He chuckled and grabbed your waist, “yea?” he smiled before looking away and looking back at you “I know I only said once but um, maybe… if another boy tries something like that you know, maybe we can do…this again? Only at parties though— I can be…your little party boyfriend and protect you, sound good?” he smiled and you nodded, “yea I’d love that”

taglist 🏷️: @ghostkennedy @adaelines @konigbabe @rat-typewriter @meowsiee @dilucstruelover @antidesire @d34ng3l @alewesker

[evilgaygothgf]

How easy would they fall in love?

How easy would the the group chat members fall in love (imo)

a/n: this is kinda short since it’s my first post here 😞

Isaac

I feel like he wouldn’t pay you much mind at first, but as soon as you laughed at something he said or did or made a witty comeback at one of the other other boys, he’d be hooked

Like you’re all hanging out at the group house and he’s trying to jump into the convo and make a comeback at one of the guys, but like everyone is loud so they can’t hear him the first time, but he looks over and sees you laughing at whatever he said

You boost his ego (as if he needs it any bigger 🙄 /j ) and he eats that shit up

He can NOT hide his feelings for shit

This guy things he’s Mr Stone Cold out here and that you don’t have a clue

But he visibly gushes like big ol googly eyes boinging out of his head at you THIS FOOL CANNOT KEEP HIS COOL AROUND YOU

Softwilly

I think this man would swoon as soon as he saw your smile.

His pov would be like those movie scenes where everything goes blurry but you, you’re surrounded by an ethereal glow, birds singing and shit.

Boy would start floating like Tom and jerry when there’s a delicious pie smell in the air all 🤤 and wtv lmaoo

Yumi

Idk but I feel like he’s a tough cookie when it comes to stuff like this

Like you’d definitely be catching feelings first in this situation

He would probably start falling for you after you’ve known each other for a good bit of time and you’ve started rubbing off on him

He realizes you’re the only person besides him with an ounce of logic when you’re around the boys /j obv

You playfully mock him like the guys do, but he likes it when you do it and just plays like he hates it

Larry

He’d be besties with you at first I think

You’d join in on his and Tanner’s antics

The three of you would be dumb & dumber & dumbest

And like one day the two of you are hanging out alone and he realizes he has feelings for you 😑😐😑😐 (pretend they’re like blinking or smth idk)

And suddenly it’s like every time you come around now, Tanner is nowhere to be seen and it’s just a “coincidence” that you and Larry have to hang out without Tanner

Boy is crushing so hard but he really drags it out before ever saying anything to you bc I feel like he would like how pure it all feels…like he’s got his own little secret to himself yknow? Little mischievous guy

Tanner

This sweet boy

Like

Not playing favorites here but like

He’s a grown ass man but he’s babygirl and I’ll fight to the death over it

He’d fold. 😐

So fast

You play into whatever mischief he cooks up and it gets him all giggly and shit swinging his legs kicking his feet type shit

He’s so obvious about his feelings for you

Y’all send 0.5 selfies back and forth to each other and he is dying every time he gets one from you

Puts it in a special album on his phone and everything

Please be good to him

Grunk

Lil Grunky boy

He’s kind of like Isaac where he thinks he seems all cool and collected, but he’s so visibly nervous when you’re around

Tripping over his words

Blushing like crazy when you talk to him

Boy is SMITTEN

He tries to treat you like “one of the bros” thinking it’ll keep his crush on you secret

But if the group chat guys find out he has a crush on you it’s OVER for him

0 secrets at that point

Every time you’re around they’re making obvious pokes at Grunk about you

Obv all in fun, but like, if this boy gets in his feels over you, you’d know so fast

Thanks for reading!

[jemmo]

utsukushii kare really said we’re going to take two of the most fascinating, interesting, well-characterised characters to have ever been written and not just stick them in the same show, but put them in one of the most incredible relationships to be seen on screen and i cannot thank them enough for it. seriously, if you consider the fact that at this point we’re at ep 8 of a 30 minute runtime show; that’s 4 hours. i’ve watched other bls, heck even other ordinary shows, that can’t even cram enough characterisation into a character that hira or kiyoi have in their little fingernail. im not joking. and nothing shows that better than kiyoi in this ep.

i love that we’re already getting an episode from his perspective. we had to wait all the way until ep 4 of season 1 to see things from his side, and that was such an amazing twist and reveal and still to this day that ep makes me cry. but im so glad we get to see his perspective sooner. bc we don’t need that shock twist anymore, instead it serves as a good balance to see where both our characters are at in the first 2 eps. and yet again, seeing things from kiyoi’s pov just opens up the absolute treasure trove that is his character. there are so many stand out points from this ep that i wanna mention but I’ll wait until my big ‘favourite parts of utsukushii kare s2 ep2’ post to list them all. what i wanna say here is that every bit of his character we get to see in this ep comes together so well to create such an interesting, multi-faceted and well-rounded character that it’s kind of astounding. we start off with his softness and vulnerability that’s countered perfectly against hira’s timid reaction, and then we jump back to high school to see this full on longing and the frustration that comes with that, waiting to be confessed to. i wanted to say this about the first season but this serves a good opportunity too; I find it so interesting how they portray hira and kiyoi’s ‘seme and uke’ dynamic (im gonna use those terms bc i can’t think of any better way to describe it, just know im referring more to a more dominant vs more submissive personality, like the confesser vs the confesse, and not anything sexual). You could so easily watch this show, hear the premise, even see the characters, hira and his chronic shyness, kiyoi and his undeniable popularity, and easily place those labels; hira the uke, kiyoi the seme. but in reality, kiyoi so clearly wants to be the uke, and very much is the uke. he begs in his head for hira to confess his feelings fo him, half bc maybe he needs hira to be brave where he can’t be, but I think also half bc he just wants to be confessed to. He wants the boy he likes to tell him he likes him, just like he wants to cuddle in his lap and be looked after. it probably stems from this want to be loved, chosen to be loved, and be cared for where he felt he wasn’t before, but it’s just so refreshing and such an interesting subversion of expectations, to see inside cool, popular kiyoi’s head and it’s just him begging for this shy, nobody kid to like him, and say it out loud.

and then I’ve touched on this before, but you get to see his earnest drive and passion to do what he loves. the cool kid that should fit the stereotype of never caring about anything, pushing to do the thing he loves, putting himself out there. I just can’t describe how excellent of a subversion that is. and the way he is with people at work, with Anna, polite and cordial and sweet, it’s such a reverse of kiyoi’s tsundere shortness and bluntness with hira that it not only shows us that yes, we weren’t hallucinating, there really is an infinite pool of softness within kiyoi that pours out more and more every time we see him, but also shows us that kiyoi is maybe only his true self with Hira. he’s not this polite, nice boy, nor is he this cool, cold popular guy, he’s somewhere in the middle, a fascinating mix of both, that only hira gets to see the full extent of, and I think that says a lot about how comfortable he is with Hira, and how much he trusts him. as much as it may be bad that hira will never find fault with kiyoi, it also makes him his sanctity, his true safe place, where he can breathe and grow and truly be whatever he wants, soft, angry, cute, cool, vulnerable, hira will take it all and adore it no matter what.

and then we get his jealousy of koyama, his protectiveness and possessiveness of hira. it’s kind of endearing how he still feels these things when hira shows him such endless devotion, it’s a testament to how normal he sees their relationship compared to hira, and how he therefore allows himself to feel normal relationship things, including possessiveness. but also in this scene i really love how kiyoi is let’s himself doubt himself, and only when it comes to hira. i feel like we’ve only ever seen him been unsure of himself when it comes to the things he loves, namely his dream of being a performer, and hira. he only looses confidence when he doesn’t do well in the competition in high school, and is only ever doubtful when it comes to hira’s feelings about him, and how he is with hira, maybe bc they’re the only things he truly wants to last forever. so what does he do, just like he does with his acting career? he puts in sincere effort. he humbles himself taking that recipe from koyama, and despite his cluelessness and clear lack of skills, he still tries his absolute hardest to do something for hira. he cooks him a meal, one of the most ordinary and sincere expressions of love. and his shy smile the whole time, him waiting excitedly for hira to come home, it’s such a fantastically endearing contrast from the cold, removed kiyoi we know early in s1 that you almost can’t reconcile them as the same character, and yet the steps that got us here make it clear that they are in fact the same person, that both those people live inside kiyoi and that’s amazing. and of course something as ordinary as cooking a meal for your boyfriend can never be normal for hira and kiyoi but the chaos unfolds is what makes them absolutely them. it mirrors what kiyoi says at the start of the ep about Hira, ‘if it wasn’t disgusting, it wouldn’t be hira’. It’s the same for kiyoi, and the same for their relationship. they don’t want to change it fundamentally, don’t want to take away the things that make it them, they just want to find a way to take this thing they both want and love and build it, strengthen it, so it can last. and i’ll say it until I’m blue in the face, but that’s why kiyoi’s personality, his bluntness, works so well for hira. it provides this iron wall of reassurance based in truth that he needs. I think ‘im not dating a pebble’ might be my stand out line from a bl in 2023 already but it’s also so ridiculously laced in meaning. Kiyoi doesn’t see hira as just some rock, some insignificant thing on the side of the road, that’s not what he’s dating. He’s dating hira, the person. And I think this push for hira to see himself as a person is only something that kiyoi can do because, in a way, hira was the one to see Kiyoi first. I’m a different way, because of the complex hira still has around kiyoi, he may not be a person yet, but hira still saw him in a way no one else did because he cared enough to look and keep looking. He stared and stared at every bit of kiyoi, including the uncool parts, the embarrassing parts, the sweet parts, the upset and angry parts, he’s the one that saw it all and never once looked away. The invisible kid made him feel seen. And I think for someone that’s always looked at but never seen, that’s what you really want.

So yes, this may have collapsed into another ramble, but I hope I can just convey some of the sense of how whole of a character kiyoi feels, even just by the points in this ep. And I just love that he’s allowed to be it all, be chaotic and messy and imperfect and a work in progress while still helping hira along too. I’ve never seen a bl couple that feel so much like they’re growing together, figuring themselves out as people and as a couple and it’s just so fucking refreshing and interesting and beautiful to watch and i will never ever shut up about it

[sapphire-weapon]

another broke take i keep seeing is that ashley develops feelings for leon but that it’s not mutual, which is dumb bc even if leon isn’t as open about it (the ‘running from creeps’ and ‘good company’ lines notwithstanding), his body language is very telling imo.

holding on to her a little longer than he needs to during the church escape, touching her shoulder to check on her (when they’re saved by luis) or in reassurance (post-stabbing), gently cupping her head and tracing his fingers down her arm, reaching for her face again when she’s on the altar, grabbing her hand to pull her into the lift, and the way he always stops to help her up with both arms when she’s downed by enemies

even the fact that he’s literally being paid to protect her can’t justify the tenderness of all these little touches. i highly doubt “touch the president’s daughter like she’s the only thing that keeps you going” was in his job description. don’t even get me started on his boyish, almost bashful, “i can catch ya” like literally what the fuck

I think, after being forced into the shadows for eighteen fucking years by this fandom -- and by Aeon fans especially -- I've been hesitant to make any definitive statements on Leon and Ashley's relationship outside of its effects on Leon's character arc (and reaffirming over and over and over again that Ashley disappears from the series, as though to soothe people's reactions??).

But I was on discord talking to @godtier earlier, and once I actually said it out loud and then actually got an agreement from someone who could not be paid to give a fucking shit about this ship -- I'm just going to go ahead and say it for the wider fandom.

Resident Evil 4 Remake was written as a romance, and the romance is between Leon and Ashley.

With the new scenes they've added in, it's literally structured like a romance story is. I'll even outline it for you.

1) Call to Adventure / The Meet Cute

Literally their first meeting in the church, culminating with the catch and that moment of longing as they lock eyes while Leon continues to hold her just a few seconds too long.

2) Refusal of the Call / Rejection of the Relationship

At first, Leon treats Ashley solely as his mission objective. ("Hey can we take a break?" "Sorry, we need to keep moving.") And Ashley, for a good bit, doesn't trust him at all but goes with him because she has no other choice. ("Seriously, this cannot be happening.")

3) Acceptance of the Quest / Giving the relationship a chance

The escape from the cabin sequence up to the "seems this isn't your first time running from creeps." line. This is where we see them actually start to warm up to each other, and Ashley, for the first time, believes Leon can and will really get her out of there.

4) Trials and Temptations / Three Dates

The three dates are:

1) Ashley busting the window open after the Mendez boss fight, helping brush the embers off of Leon, and helping to pull him to his feet

2) Salazar's introduction ("The girl's just fine. With me.")

3) The road to the Water Hall (Leon jumping across the chandeliers + this is the first time the "knight and the princess" allegory is stated)

5) Midpoint Crisis / I-need-you-but-can’t-have-you

The stab followed by Ashley running away in tears, terrified of hurting Leon again and horrified that he saw her like that. This is also the second time that the "knight and the princess" allegory is stated.

6) The Road Back / Pulling Back Together

The pep talk. Leon is openly vulnerable for the first time ever in this game, and Ashley is grateful to have him with her. Note that Luis calls Leon "Prince Charming" immediately following this scene.

7) The Fall

Ashley stating "I won't run. Wait for me, Leon." And then Leon following up with the "I can catch ya" line.

8) Dark moment / The Break Up

Leon sitting at Ashley's bedside waiting to turn and ready to shoot himself. He's already half given up, and some part of him has started to believe that they won't actually make it out of here -- not together, at least.

9) The Sacrifice

"This time, it has to be different." Leon is forced to challenge the assertion by Ada and Krauser that he hasn't changed, and he even has to prove it to himself. He destroys Ashley's plaga, holding her hand the whole time, smiles breathlessly, then collapses to the floor.

10) Declaration

"Hey... we're a team, right?" "Keep this up? I'll be out of a job."

11) The HEA

Leon and Ashley literally ride off into the sunrise together towards a happily ever after.

The original RE4 is not structured this way. Even if I tried to, I couldn't slot Leon and Ashley's scenes from OG into this outline.

And the romance angle is reinforced over and over and over again through repeated use of the "knight and the princess" allegory beyond what I've even listed in the outline. You know, the fairy tales about the knight who saves the princess and they fall in love and live happily ever after. In addition to Salazar saying it, there's the "Prince Charming" line from Luis, Ashley references it when she jokes that Leon should literally put on the knight's armor -- and, on a meta level, Leon has a fucking fantasy hero costume.

There's even goddamn dialogue in the game where Ashley says to Leon, "I knew you'd come" -- which is basically just ripped right out of the Princess Bride.

And to continue the meta reinforcement of it, Leon and Ashley literally have a matching set of alternate costumes called "Romantic" -- and they are fucking Romeo & Juliet inspired. Come the fuck on, man. They couldn't have been more on the nose about it if they'd tried.

And this is in addition to all the other shit you already pointed out in your ask.

And there's the fact that they completely removed any hint of Ada possibly even remotely being a love interest for Leon in this game. The focus remains solely on Ashley and the bond that she and Leon build together.

Leon and Ashley's relationship in RE4 Remake is canonically romantic in nature, and I'm so fucking tired of pretending like it's not.

[gotyouanyway]

genuine question here, is it not a good skill to learn to explain symptoms outside of diagnostic language? i'm sometimes unable to do certain house chores or tasks if i'm having an awful brain week (i'm on the autism spectrum and my sensory issues are the first thing to get bad when everything else is going bad). i could tell my coworker "hey i'm on the autism spectrum and the sound of the shop vac makes me overstimulated to the point that it's painful and could cause a panic attack" or i could say "hey, would you mind vacuuming today? the sound of the vacuum is really painful for me. i'll wipe down countertops." i resist using diagnostic language in general bc i don't think it's anyone else's business what neurodivergencies i have, and i don't think people should have to out their diagnoses in order to be taken seriously.

i understand completely that the OP uses blaming and somewhat language about their symptoms, and that only creates shame. but something we talk about about wrt accessibility is the fact that some people's symptoms are incompatible with other people's symptoms. someone having a meltdown might be incompatible with my sensory issues around sudden or persistent loud noises. is it not okay to acknowledge that without self-shaming?

it is not someone's fault if they are having an episode or meltdown and they should not self-shame for that, or apologize as if it's something wrong that they did that they should work to change. but i think acknowledging the way that meltdown might impact others is also part of living in a community. isn't this the whole point of redirecting behavior? is it ableist to compromise at "my bedroom is my safe space to have a meltdown, but i understand doing it in the living room makes the living room impossible for you to work in"?

again these are genuine questions because i never want someone to feel shame for any symptoms they experience, especially ones they can't control. but OP's example was about their RSD causing them to hurt their friend and blame them for something they didn't do. is there not a middle ground here? sometimes symptoms are things we cannot control and shouldn't be shamed for, and also things that can hurt others, and i don't think i should need to give someone my diagnostic history to prove i need that accommodation.

to begin with, yes i agree that it's a vital skill to learn to discuss symptoms without using diagnostic language. i'm not going to get into the issue of psych diagnosis and diagnostic language in general but yeah, it's important to be able to get away from it for the reasons you mentioned. there's no reason you should have to disclose diagnoses in order to be accommodated/understood.

i think op of the screenshotted post was using the diagnostic language as a strawman: the person making a "bad apology" says the name of their symptom (which we're supposed to believe is the wrong thing to do), while the person making a "good apology" doesn't mention any symptoms but describes them instead. but as you demonstrated with your vacuum example, it's perfectly possible to say the exact same things with and without diagnostic language. so really the "good apology" could've said "i have rsd" as well and still been a good apology for the sake of op's argument.

all that^ is to say, diagnostic language itself is not what i took issue with in the screenshotted post.

my issue with the screenshotted post (and the point being made by the person who screenshotted it) is less to do with specific language and more to do with the attitude of people who want to "depathologize" everything SO much to the point where symptoms of mental illness/neurodivergence become basically a personality trait that is wholly your responsibility to keep under control, and something you must apologize for when it has any negative effect on other people.

i think the point being made in that post, or at least the point i'm making right now, is that sometimes people's symptoms suck for the people around them. it's unfortunate, but that's just life, and sometimes it's nobody's fault and nobody has to take such deep personal responsibility for it that they feel genuine shame.

think of it this way: if i have a meltdown, it's out of EVERYBODY'S control, not just mine. if i could prevent it, i would. if my friend could prevent it, they would. and it sucks for everyone involved, we're ALL having a bad time. so beyond a perfunctory "i'm sorry that sucked so bad", why should i be apologizing and beating myself up and promising to do better next time when i know i can't?

now of course there's middle ground - there's rarely a firm line between "in control" and "out of control" especially when it comes to emotional outbursts, and yes people have conflicting needs. nobody is saying it's ableist to acknowledge this, or to expect people to try their best. what IS ableist is how the burden of "compromise" is so much more often placed on the person experiencing the symptoms to stop being such a problem for everyone around them. even in your living room example, the person having a meltdown is expected to do everything they can to not disrupt people but you make no mention of the person who's being disrupted having to, like, just cope with it, because sometimes shit happens. i'm not saying the person with symptoms has no responsibility or should NEVER have to apologize if they hurt someone. i'm just saying sometimes there's no winners in situations like these and that compromise and understanding need to come from both sides

[daechwitatamicrecs]

Bestie I am DEEPLY anxious to read this based on these warnings and the posts you made during the writing process lol YOU BETTER MAKE IT BETTER NEXT CHAPTER, I AM HAVING FAITH IN THE PROCESS AS REQUESTED OKAY????

Oh no he’s running oh no oh no oh noooo

Oh he’s ABSOLUTELY lying about when his memory goes out. That’s not even a prediction. I just know lol

“let’s say I didn’t mean it” LET’S SAY THAT /EITHER ONE OF YOU/ FUNCTIONS LIKE AN ACTUAL HUMAN. FOR ONCE.

You swear you can see it in his eyes, the wall going back up.  – this is where I took Emotional Wellness Break #1

Oh no oh no oh no not jimin wit the cold hard truth yiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiikes on biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiikes

“I fucking love you,” Jimin says. The words are so unexpected and voiced in a tone so fierce that a sob wracks your chest before you can hold it back.  – Emotional Wellness Break #2 (these are fully not a joke lol I literally had to take breaks and I’m making you accountable for it)

M you better be fully prepared to buy me some sad girl ice cream. I’m waiting.

God that whole scene with jimin was so hard to read, I literally teared up at Emotional Wellness Break #2 no exaggeration, but so so so necessary and I’m so glad it happened.

“Yeah, I know who you are,” the guy in the hoodie retorts – OOF

You wonder if he can tell that he was right, that it happened anyway. – OOH, M STOP IT, MY HEART CANNOT TAKE PUNCH AFTER PUNCH LIKE THISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

You don’t think Jimin’s bark bark bark response had anything to do with the dog. – okay MAHYBE I laughed out loud at this but it does NOT MAKE EVERYTHING BETTER

For a split second you swore the two of you had figured it out – this WHOLE paragraph took me tf out, what you’re doing here is SO good and SO well done I just need to scream about it, someone hand me the tata mic I’ve got TIHNGS TO SAY

NOOOOOOOO SOMEONE /STOP HIM/ WHERE IS /HIS/ JIMIN I STG I WANT TO SHAKE THEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

“Whatever it is you think I can give you, I promise you, I can’t.” -ahfjhakjfhaj hajhf OUCH I literally clutched my chest lmaoooo

Omg. Their conversation is KILLING me. I have a hand over my mouth and everything. Jesus christ.

Literally god bless jeon Jungkook

WELL OKAY Jungkook breathing with her through it made me actually cry and I had to stop so we’ll call that Emotional Wellness Break #3. As a panic attack haver, this was lol not entertaining to read but it WAS very well done and very important and I fully get the reasons and depth this brings to the story.

“When we were in LA, he said he loved me. And now he says it didn’t mean anything. That it’s over.” – I need you to know that I literally stopped reading here to go check my calendar and see if the problem is this FUCKING STORY or if this is one of my monthly cry about everything days

Omg no, I LOVE that she almost fucked it up again bc like…. That’s real life. Making the decision to do better doesn’t mean now you just do better every time. But also thank god he’s got the sense to tell her no.

Okay okay okay I LOVE the idea of her getting her shit slightly more together with her new bff Tiff.

Your eyes had scanned the crowd for his face when you got here, like they do in every room you walk into – with all the love in my heart and a fucking ton of respect….. fuck you for this line lmao

“I just want you to be happy,” he murmurs, and as he says it, his hand brushes yours for less than a second.  – JIOFDJAAJFKASF FUCK./ emotional wellness break #4

Wufhashfanhfheug sigh. I need to process and wallow. Thank you for telling me not to read this before my birthday dinner lmfao I expect lots of Tiff next chapter please and thank you.

look down on me like that - 10 (explicit)

genre: slow burn enemies to lovers hatefucking coworkers au, smut, angst

pairing: yoongi x reader

summary: your asshole coworker min yoongi has made it his personal mission to ruin your life.

word count: 13.1k

contains: there are some serious mental health moments and topics discussed in this chapter (and not all of them handled well 😵‍💫) - this includes mentions of anxiety and su1c1dal ideation, reader experiencing a panic attack, and there's just like.... quite a lot of self-loathing, emotional constipation, and horrible choices being made all around. would also maybe say some hints at gaslighting if you squint. please take care of yourselves for this one 💜 and yes..... no smut warnings for this one 😬 sorry 😬

A/N: besties...... hold my hand and trust the process, mkay?

an eternal thank you to @haliiimede and @monimonimoon for betaing and for doing extra hand holding on this one because 😵‍💫 omg it's a lot and it was a lot to write lmao

read on AO3!

chapter nine | masterlist

~*~

The headache hits before you even open your eyes, like an ice pick driven straight through your skull.

You roll over with a soft groan of despair, burying your face between the pillows, reaching one arm out as far you can, as if in search of something. Your splayed fingertips only find the down comforter; it’s cool to the touch.

With the kind of deep inhale that can only be conjured by an early wake-up with a terrible hangover, you blink your eyes open, immediately squinting at the harsh morning light.

The bed is empty on the other side. You sit up slowly, shivering a little. The room feels unsteady around you.

You press your face into your hands, trying to wake up enough to think through your headache. Last night… Last night. It feels like a dream you’ll soon lose the details of. The Grammys, the afterparty, K-town. It doesn’t feel real.

Yoongi said he loves you.

Your stomach churns.

So where the fuck is he?

The sound of a drawer opening makes your head snap up, and you quickly kick the bedsheets off, trying to ignore the way the world tilts as you get to your feet and pad out into the living room.

Yoongi is kneeling beside his open suitcase, folding up the clothes he wore earlier in the weekend and carefully placing them inside. He reaches for his toiletries bag, zipped up on the couch next to him, and sets it atop the last stack of clothing.

“What are you doing?” you murmur, rubbing sleep from the corners of your eyes. The words slide together, almost gibberish. You think you might still be drunk.

“What does it look like I’m doing?” Yoongi mutters, taking a final once-over of the contents of his suitcase before zipping it shut. He gets to his feet, then stoops down to turn it upright and extend the handle. “I’ve got a car to the airport about to pull up downstairs.”

“I— what?” You shake your head, confused. You’re barely alive, let alone packed or ready to go. “It’s so early. Our flight’s not til this afternoon.”

He’s already crossing the room, grabbing his laptop off the desk to slide into his shoulder bag, then reaching for his watch. “I had a change of plans.”

“You what?” You don’t understand how you’re so far behind on this, especially given that you’re the one who’s supposed to have the schedule committed to memory.

Yoongi sighs as he turns to face you, still fiddling with his watch, clearly exasperated. It's only now that he’s held still long enough for you to realize he’s wearing his glasses. “I’m going to Tokyo for a few days to work with some talent. There’s a whole thread in your inbox about it. Feel free to read it at your leisure.”

The dry tone of his voice stings like a slap to the face, enough to make you recoil. You take an unsure step back. “Okay, when did this happen?”

He slow-blinks, and you can’t help feeling like you’ve somehow gone back in time, like you’re standing in front of him on your first day of work. Like he’s your enemy all over again.

“I’ve been up for a while,” Yoongi answers flatly. “Any more questions?”

Your back teeth stick together, tense. The room is too bright, Yoongi’s voice too loud, all of this happening too fast.

“Uh,” you start, less than eloquent. “Can we— talk?” Yoongi stares at you pointedly until you feel forced to continue. “About last night?”

“Let’s see.” He pretends to mull it over, and dread creeps up your spine.

“I lost at the Grammys, almost got in a fight, drank my body weight in alcohol. The last thing I remember is… barking.” You’d smile at the memory, but your lips are pulled too tight at the sour taste of his words. “I assume you dragged my drunk ass back here and I passed out, then I stumbled out of bed around four this morning and promptly became very well acquainted with the bathroom floor. Did I miss anything?”

The question punches an ache behind your ribs.

“Don’t fuck with me, Min Yoongi.” Your voice comes out weaker than you would’ve liked, but it’s getting hard to breathe.

“What else?” he asks, still going faster than you can keep up with. “I was an asshole? Gave you embarrassing intel you’ll be using as blackmail when we go back to work? I didn’t barf on your shoes, did I?”

Why is he asking you?

You bring a hand to your temple, trying to rub out your splitting headache so you can process his words. “Are you… telling me you don’t remember?”

There’s a flash of something in Yoongi’s eyes, and though he drops his gaze, he doesn’t quite manage to hide the way his face twists. “If I said anything, let’s just say I didn’t mean it.”

No. No, no, no. Your world goes spinning. He can’t do this.

There’s a lump in your throat, so thick you can scarcely breathe. You try to swallow around it. “Yoongi, what the fuck is happening right now?”

You swear you can see it in his eyes, the wall going back up. It’s infuriating: he’s right fucking there, yet suddenly somehow unreachable. Impenetrable.

“I am going to Tokyo,” he says simply. “You are… doing whatever you want.” You stare at him, overwhelmed and so fucking confused. He stares right back. “I can still upgrade your seat to first class. If that’s what you’re worried about.”

Some final thread snaps inside you, and your delayed anger finally kicks in. “You think that’s what I care about right now? I’m not your fucking charity case.”

He outright rolls his eyes. “Jesus. Forget I asked.”

As if to signal that the conversation is over, he slings his bag across his shoulder and heads for the door, suitcase in tow.

“Yoongi.” You hate the way your voice shakes when you say his name. He turns back to face you in the threshold, his expression unreadable.

You don’t know how to say it. You can’t say it.

“So what, then?” you try instead. “I’m just supposed to… forget it?”

That you said you love me? That I might have been ready to say it back?

His mouth pulls into a flat line, and for a moment, he doesn’t say anything at all. Each second of silence that passes feels like another twist of the knife lodged in your heart.

“Guess so.”

And just like that, the door is slamming shut behind him.

In your head, you chase after him. Yank open the hotel door, sprint down the hallway, call his name loud enough to stop him. You tell him everything that’s been building up inside of you, let all the ugly truths out for him to see, said aloud for the first time, undeniably real. He drops his bag in the hallway, grabs you, kisses you breathless. He stays.

But you can’t make yourself move. Can’t bear the thought of unzipping yourself right up the middle, standing in front of him with every last wall torn down, defenseless and asking for the worst hurt you can imagine. Life has taught you better than that.

Your knees hit the hotel carpet as the tears start to fall. In your head you might be brave, but here in the real world, you’re scared. Too scared to do anything but watch him leave.

~*~

“I’m so fucking confused, Mochi.”

You’re curled up on the couch in your living room with your face pressed into Jimin’s shoulder and his arms wrapped tight around you. Delirious from a thirteen hour flight and the time change, your suitcase still lying in the hallway by the front door where you dropped it. True to his word, your best friend showed up within the hour, a bottle of rosé and a pint of ice cream in tow.

There’s no room left to keep lying, to pretend you don’t care about Yoongi, that it doesn’t mean anything. Not when it hurts this bad, bad enough that it feels like you can’t fucking breathe. At least the tears have finally stopped, now that you’ve soaked a wet spot into the collar of Jimin’s sweatshirt.

To his credit, Jimin seems to find no joy in your meltdown, and you’re grateful for it. The last thing you need on top of all the pain is him gloating about being right. You both know he is, always has been. The things you spent so long trying to deny seem obvious now, in the harsh light of day, at the bottom of this emotional hangover.

Funny how that works.

When you pull away with a sniff, Jimin sighs a little and gently untangles himself from you to get to his feet. You bring a hand up to swipe at some of the wetness still stuck to your cheeks, then reach for the bottle of wine while he slips into the kitchen.

“How did you know I’d need this?” you ask as you twist open the screw top. Your throat is rubbed raw from exhaustion, and from so much fucking crying. “You had that little faith in shit working out?”

Jimin returns with two wine glasses and two spoons just as you ask the question, and he pauses in the threshold. The unsure look on his face makes your stomach twist. Your best friend never looks at you like that.

“I have to tell you something, babygirl.”

You can feel your chest starting to tighten again as he sinks back down onto the cushion next to you, gingerly taking the bottle from your hands to pour a little in each glass. It’s like he’s biding his time, trying to delay some sort of inevitable reality.

“Please just say it.” Your voice comes out in a thick whisper.

He thuds the bottle back onto the coffee table with another soft sigh. “I’m leaving Seoul.”

The words sweep over you like a tidal wave, heavy enough you drag you under to drown. “You’re… leaving?”

“Not forever,” Jimin says quickly, but the look on his face as he takes a sip from his glass is telling. “You remember the group I did the concert with?” His gaze flits over to catch your nod, and he continues.

“They booked a whole international tour. Asia, Europe, North and South America. It didn’t look like they were going to scout any new dancers, but then someone got injured last-minute and they personally called me to ask if I could cover. And it’s so short-notice but…”

There’s a fire in his eyes when he looks up at you again, all determined passion. “I just feel like this could be the opportunity I’ve been working so hard for. And Wonho has been so supportive and understanding about it. He helped talk me through it, reminded me how much I want this. So I said yes. And I’m going.”

You’re quiet for a moment, and you can only nod, trying to wrap your mind around it all. “For how long?”

He grimaces. “Six months, at least? Could be more if they decide to extend it.”

A fresh tear slides down your cheek before you can stop it. “Fuck, okay. Wow. When do you go?”

Jimin downs the rest of his wine, then finally answers. “I’ll be honest, the timing is bad. I really thought you’d be coming home with good news, so it would soften the blow a little.”

“Mochi,” you press him, more tears already threatening your waterline. You can feel your heart on the precipice of shattering into a million pieces— you just need him to fucking say it.

“Tonight’s my last night,” he admits.

There is a voice in your head that knows how you should respond. You should be enthusiastically happy for Jimin, and proud of him, and you are; you know deep down that you are. And you should be reacting to this unquestionably good news the way a best friend would: excited, screaming, hugging him, pouring another glass so you can toast to his success, telling him how great he’ll be.

But you’re sunk so deep in your own pain, you can’t help feeling… betrayed. Abandoned by your best friend, just when you need him most.

You set your wine glass down and press your face into your palms, trying to breathe, trying to stop the ache of a suppressed sob that squeezes tight in your throat.

“It’s not forever,” Jimin reiterates, and you know he’s trying to be kind, but you whip your head to look at him, suddenly aggravated. You can only imagine what he must see staring back at him: your glassy eyes gone red from crying, inset with deep shadows from exhaustion, tear tracks staining your cheeks.

“A little more notice would’ve been nice,” you respond as you pick your drink up again. The words come out harsh, jagged at the edges.

Jimin’s brows raise in clear surprise. “I’m sorry?”

The sweet wine goes bitter on your tongue, and you swallow it with a grimace. “I just think it’s interesting that you had all this fucking time to talk to your boyfriend about it, but not two seconds for the person who is supposedly your best friend.”

You can see a muscle tighten in his jaw. “Are you fucking serious right now?”

“Are you?”

“Do I really have to remind you what happened the last time we actually spent an evening together?” Jimin asks, and the razor-sharp tone to his voice already tells you that you’ve made a huge mistake, that you should’ve just choked all your bitter feelings down with your drink.

“Because in case you need help putting the pieces together, I believe you left me, alone, at some shitty dive that you specifically begged to go to. And maybe it hasn’t fucking occurred to you yet, but I was actually planning to ask what you thought that night, whether or not I should take the opportunity. Because I love my boyfriend, but you’re right, he’s not my best friend of a fucking decade. You are.”

Fuck. The weight of his words hits you like a truck. You drain the rest of your wine as he continues, relentless.

“And yet that was the night my best friend of a decade decided to ditch me to go hook up with a man she has consistently called an asshole since day one, and it made me wonder if maybe, just maybe, I deserved a little bit more in life. So I went home and told Wonho I wanted to take the job, and he supported me wholeheartedly. Even cooked me dinner to fucking celebrate. And now here we are.”

Jimin spreads his hands in front of him, palms up, as if to set the stage. “You are somehow shocked that the asshole you got yourself involved with turned around and acted… like an asshole. And I am off to go live the dreams that I have worked so hard for so long to finally achieve. Because as it turns out, we are a product of our own fucking choices. So tell me this, bestie: when are you going to take some fucking responsibility for yours?”

It’s only as you move to set your empty glass down that you realize your hands are shaking. It takes a concentrated effort to complete the motion, especially considering the way your eyes have started to blur with tears. You can feel deep, overwhelming shame stretching up from the pit of your stomach, like a black hole that threatens to suck you in entirely.

The sudden warmth of Jimin’s touch makes you flinch, and then you realize his hands are closing over yours, squeezing tight.

“Look at me,” he says hoarsely, and tears spill down your face as you do. You don’t know if you can take any more of his brutal honesty, but you figure you deserve it, so you brace yourself.

“I fucking love you,” Jimin says. The words are so unexpected and voiced in a tone so fierce that a sob wracks your chest before you can hold it back. He squeezes your hands tighter, and you try to return it. “You’re not just my best friend, you know that, right? You are my family. That will never, ever change. You could fucking kill someone, and I’d show up with bleach, two shovels, and a plan, okay?”

You laugh a little despite yourself, and you can feel Jimin’s thumbs brush gently over the backs of your hands. His voice is softer when he speaks again.

“I know shit has been really, really hard for you. For the last few years, and especially lately. But if I’m honest, it’s like you move through the world as if everything is just… happening to you, through no fault of your own. It makes it so fucking hard to root for you sometimes.”

You do your best to breathe through the sting of his words, and you nod, because you know he’s right.

“And that’s all I want to do,” Jimin stresses with another squeeze of your hands in his. “I want to be your personal fucking cheerleader, always, and not just because my ass would look great in the skirt. I know you are more than capable of getting your shit together, but it’s not going to happen if you don’t start taking some accountability for your own actions. And to be crystal clear, I am not a bad person for not wanting to sideline my own life while I wait for you to figure yours out.”

“You’re not,” you agree with a sniff and a small smile. “And I’m sorry for trying to make it about me.” You shake your head as you blink back a few more tears. “You deserve everything, Mochi, seriously. I don’t think there’s another person on the planet who would’ve put up with my shit for as long as you have.”

He rolls his eyes, despite the smile pulling up the corners of his mouth to match yours. “You make it sound like fucking charity work, come on. Have some self-respect! I don’t waste time on people who aren’t worth it.”

“I just thought you kept me around because I was the only person who could keep up with your drinking,” you admit, chasing the words with a giggle, and Jimin makes a face like you’re not wrong.

As if in response, he finally releases your hands, grabbing the wine bottle to top up your glasses.

“I really do wish I had better advice for you and your situation,” Jimin concludes on a heavy sigh as you both pick up your drinks. “But my already limited knowledge on Min Yoongi is also like fifteen years out of date, so all I can say is this: You got yourself into this mess, and I have full confidence that you can get yourself out. Even if it means cornering him and forcing him into a vulnerable conversation. It sounds like it will be great practice for both of you.”

You huff against the rim of your glass. “I have to figure out what the fuck to even say.”

“You will,” Jimin murmurs, his free hand alighting over yours for a final squeeze. “Just start with the truth.”

When your eyes find his again, you can feel your lower lip beginning to tremble. “God, I’m gonna miss you so fucking much.”

Clearly done with the dramatics, Jimin rolls his eyes. “I’m not dying, bitch! If anything it just means I’m going to text and call and FaceTime you more than I already do. Prepare to be sick of me.”

“I could never,” you tease, and he grabs a spoon off the coffee table, gently nudging it against your side.

“Come on, eat your sad girl ice cream before it melts.”

~*~

Even with Yoongi still in Tokyo, the thought of going back to the office and feigning normalcy feels impossible. You end up texting your boss to take a sick day, blaming it on the travel, and he responds quickly, telling you to rest up well and come in the day after.

But between the emotional overwhelm and the jet lag, sleep is hard to come by. You toss and turn, unable to doze off for more than a few minutes at a time, until you kick the blankets off in the early hours of the morning, sick of staring at the walls.

Your body moves as if on autopilot, and you pull your winter coat out of the closet to zip up over your sweats. You grab your phone and your house keys, then slip your feet into a pair of boots by the front door and step outside.

It’s cold, with the barest amount of dawn sun starting to bleed light and color across the horizon, but the fresh air feels good, like it’s easier to breathe in.

Hands shoved in your pockets, you make your way down the stairs to the entrance of your complex and begin to walk, aimless. You’re too fixated on everything whirling around in your mind to pay attention to where you’re headed, and it isn’t until you hear barking that you realize you’ve wandered your way to a neighborhood park down the street from your place, with a fenced-in area for owners to let their dogs run off leash.

It’s a nice place, even now in the dead of winter. You can’t help but wonder why you don’t come here more.

A voice snaps you out of your thoughts, and you blink slowly, your sleep-deprived brain taking several seconds to piece together why it sounds so familiar.

“Bam, Bam! Come here!”

A laugh of disbelief bubbles up in your chest as you take in the scene in front of you: it’s none other than your baby-faced coworker Jeon Jungkook, giggling high and sweet as a large brown Doberman jumps up on its hind legs to playfully tackle him. You recognize the dog as one he’s shown you pictures of, along with the two Italian greyhounds sprinting the length of the fenced-in area, clearly just as energetic as their owner, even at this ungodly hour.

You lean against the fence to watch them, and your heart sinks a little when the memory of your last conversation with Jungkook comes back. It occurs to you that this is probably what Jimin was talking about when he told you to start taking some accountability. But fuck, it’s certainly easier said than done.

You can see your breath in the cold air as you inhale deep and let it out again. Maybe you should just leave him alone, you determine. Turn around and walk home before he sees you.

But then, like the very thought is enough to trigger his awareness, Jungkook’s gaze flits up to meet yours. You wish his Baby Star Candy eyes weren’t so damn expressive— even several yards away, you can see a dozen different emotions flash over his face in the span of a few seconds.

Swallowing down the lump in your throat, you wave a hand in what you hope reads as a peaceful greeting. You’re surprised to see him begin to jog towards you, but even more surprised when someone else beats him to it.

“Can I help you?”

The person standing in front of you looks to be about Jungkook’s age, but immediately hits you with an aura so intimidating that you take a cautious step backwards. He has a black beanie pulled low over his dark hair, and his hands are shoved in the front pocket of his hoodie.

“Oh, sorry, I just, uh— Jungkook is… my coworker,” you offer dumbly, gesturing in Jungkook’s direction. Clearly thinking that they’re still playing, Bam keeps crossing in front of his owner, nearly tripping him up, and you can’t help smiling, watching him stop every few paces to redirect the dog.

“Yeah, I know who you are,” the guy in the hoodie retorts, and your gaze snaps back to him. “Don’t you think you’ve done enough damage?”

The question makes your jaw drop. “What?”

“I mean, seriously, what’s your plan here? Gonna lead him on some more and then tell him he’s not your boyfriend again?”

Your eyes threaten to pop out of your head just as Jungkook makes it over to the fence, Bam still nipping at his heels.

“Chan,” he quickly interjects, breathless. “It’s cool. Let me talk to her, okay?”

Chan eyes you up and down, disapproving, then takes a few steps back, his mouth pulled into an obvious scowl. “Yeah, alright. I’ll get the dogs.” You watch as he manages to divert Bam’s attention away with a well-timed ball throw.

Your mind still reeling from the interaction, you try to keep it together as Jungkook laughs, clearly slightly embarrassed. There’s an ache in your chest when you finally bring yourself to look him in the face.

“Sorry if he said anything to you,” he offers, looking back towards Chan, who is now entertaining all three of Jungkook’s dogs, plus a spaniel that must be his own. “Chan is a really good friend of mine, and he can be… protective.”

You huff a soft noise that comes out in a little cloud of steam. “It’s alright. I deserve it, honestly.”

“You don’t,” Jungkook says firmly, and you open your mouth to argue, but he speaks first. “Do you have a second? To talk?”

Uneasiness twists in the pit of your stomach. “I can talk,” you say, tentative. “But don’t let me interrupt. I think your friend already hates me enough.”

Jungkook shakes his head. “It’s cool. Chan and I always take the dogs for a run in the mornings. We’re just trying to get all their energy out, but we’re about to head back after this.” A smile spreads across your face before you can bite it back, and he quirks an eyebrow. “What?”

“You’re telling me you go on a run every morning before your six AM boxing class?”

A pink flush blooms in his cheeks that you can’t quite believe is from the cold. “Well, I guess I also have a lot of energy.”

“You’re superhuman,” you laugh, and Jungkook glances down as he smiles, like he’s suddenly gone shy. It’s enough to crack your heart right down the middle, and you can’t keep the words in any longer. “Jungkook, I am so fucking sorry. For what happened before.”

The smile drops off his face as he looks up again. “Don’t be. I was way out of line.”

You tear your gaze away from Jungkook, choosing instead to stare at the thin layer of frost beneath your boots as it all plays back in your head. As much as you wish you could just patch everything up and be friends again, you can’t ignore the truth of his feelings for you, and the way it complicates everything else.

But you can certainly relate to wanting to live in denial. To avoid an inconvenient truth.

“You were just trying to keep me from getting hurt,” you murmur. You wonder if he can tell that he was right, that it happened anyway.

“Yeah,” Jungkook admits, and you glance up to see him pause, considering. “But, you know,” he adds. “My own stuff was mixed in there too.”

“Yeah,” you echo, unsure of what else to say.

“I should’ve listened to you,” he continues with a sigh. “I should’ve been more honest. About how I was feeling. Am feeling. I don’t know.”

“It’s okay.” You do your best to shoot him a sympathetic look. “Trust me, I really do get it. And I shouldn’t have been so harsh. I was just– I’m in a really weird place right now. But it’s not an excuse.”

Jungkook nods slowly. “I appreciate that. It definitely… snapped me out of it.”

You can’t help grimacing. “I was a bitch, you can say it.”

“No, no!” he exclaims, but his mouth is already pulling into a smile. “I needed to hear it. Seriously.”

There’s a moment where neither of you speak, and you both gaze across the park, watching Chan as he does his best to tire the dogs out.

“Your sons are even cuter in person,” you finally say, and you hear Jungkook exhale a soft laugh.

“You can meet them if you want,” he offers.

You scrunch your nose up slightly as you turn back to him. “If your bodyguard will let me?”

He shrugs. “Nah, Chan’s fine.” You raise an eyebrow in disbelief, and he waves one hand dismissively, the other already working to fumble open the lock of the fence gate. “All bark and no bite.”

Your eyes roll back at the terrible joke, but you can’t help laughing, too. You really fucking missed this kid.

~*~

Not wanting to worsen your jet lag further, you force yourself to stay awake once you make it back to your apartment, determined to take the day to properly unpack from Los Angeles. The routine of putting your things away and dumping your clothes into the washer is enough to keep your hands busy, and your mind takes the opportunity to retrace back over everything that’s happened in the last few days. It’s all come at you so fast, you feel like you’ve barely had a second to breathe, let alone process everything.

Things with Jungkook feel okay again, but your heart weighs heavy with the understanding that your friendship won’t ever go back to the way it was before, not entirely. That dose of reality stings a little, but you know it’s for the best, for both of you.

The loss just makes you miss Jimin that much more, but you know he’s currently on a plane to Bangkok to go live his dreams: he’d texted you a picture of his airport fashion while you were at the park, and you’d sent back a father/son candid of Jungkook playing with Bam. You don’t think Jimin’s bark bark bark response had anything to do with the dog.

You’re grateful for the conversation you had with your best friend before he left, even though it was hard to hear. The thought of sorting this mess out on your own still fills you with dread, but you tell yourself that if Jimin believes you can do it, then maybe he’s right. He’s certainly been right about everything else.

And that thought just brings you right back to Yoongi. A heavy sigh washes over you when you carefully unpack the rented Grammys dress from your suitcase, and the memories of the weekend flood your mind in waves as you brush your hand down the velvet fabric.

For a split second you swore the two of you had figured it out, that there wasn’t just sex and hatred between you, but something more. But as soon as the idea had come into focus, that one sweet night where it all felt possible, you’d watched it slip right out of your fingers again, with Yoongi acting cold enough to make you question if maybe you’d made the whole thing up after all.

You can’t help wondering how the morning could’ve gone in another universe: one where he’d stayed a little longer, one where you’d been a little braver. If you could’ve maybe met in the middle, somehow.

He told you he loved you. The words repeat in your head, again and again, as you stare down at your borrowed dress. Drunk as you might have been, you know you didn’t imagine that part. You just wish you knew what you were supposed to do now.

With a thoughtful hum, you reach for the garment bag slung over your closet door, unzipping it so you can hang the dress back up inside. You guess this is what Jimin was talking about. A vulnerable conversation. At this point, it feels like the only thing you haven’t tried with Min Yoongi.

“No time like the present,” you murmur to yourself as you tug the zipper up.

~*~

Going back to the office the next day feels like jumping straight into the deep end. There’s plenty to get caught up on from the aftermath of the Grammys and the work days you missed while traveling. It takes you most of the day just to get through your inbox in the brief moments of downtime not spent running between conference rooms.

Your one beacon of hope is the reassurance that Yoongi is scheduled to be in Tokyo for the rest of the week. It gives you time to calm down, to focus on work undisturbed without anticipating him around every corner. You’ve got the weekend to plan out what you want to say, to prepare yourself to push past the fear and actually say it, all of it, out in the open.

The very thought makes your chest constrict, but you try to breathe through it. You’ve got time to figure it out, you tell yourself.

And then you glance up to see Min Yoongi pushing the glass office doors open, and you swear your heart stops beating.

“Yoongi.”

His name leaves your lips automatically while you attempt to try and process this as really happening. Your voice comes out soft, as if in fear that speaking too loud will make it all dissolve in front of you, or make him turn around and walk right back out again.

He doesn’t respond; his stride doesn’t even falter as he walks past your desk and rounds the corner, heading for his own office. Acting on sheer impulse, you get to your feet to follow after, catching up to him as he’s keying the code into his door lock.

“What are you doing back?” is all you can think to say. You can’t read any emotion on his face, save maybe exhaustion.

“The sessions went well,” he answers, not sounding particularly glad for it. “We finished ahead of schedule.”

“Oh,” you answer dumbly, and he pushes down the handle and steps into his lab. You catch the door before it swings shut again, taking a deep breath to steel yourself as you step inside. “Can we talk?”

With a grunt, Yoongi drops into his desk chair, tapping at his keyboard to wake his computer and log in. “Sure. I was going to ask you the same thing.”

His response surprises you enough that all you can manage is another, “Oh.” You cautiously close the distance between you until you’re standing beside his desk, your gaze sweeping over his unblinking profile. It strikes you that you haven’t actually planned out what you want to say to him. You thought you had more time.

“Uh, I guess you can go first, then.”

Yoongi’s eyes don’t move from his screen. “I think you were right. This was a bad idea.”

“I— what?” It takes you several seconds to piece together what he means. The night at the company happy hour, when he’d proposed that the two of you establish some kind of arrangement, you had said it was a bad idea. And then you’d followed him into the bathroom to say yes to it anyway.

But now he’s… changing his mind? Just like that?

“I think we should both just focus on work,” he says, as if it’s that easy. “And stop being so distracted.”

Distracted? Your gut twists. It’s suddenly hard to inhale, like all the air has been sucked out of the room. “So what, then?” you ask, hating that you can’t quite keep the emotion out of your voice. “It’s over? All of it?”

Yoongi’s gaze alights on you for a split second, then flits back to his screen. The realization makes you want to scream: he can’t even fucking look at you. His adam’s apple jumps in his throat as he swallows.

“Look,” he finally sighs. “Whatever it is you think I can give you, I promise you, I can’t.”

A flush of heat creeps up your neck. “What I think?!” you retort, still in disbelief. “You started this, Yoongi, all of this was your idea. And you’re the one who fucking said you l—” He winces as you cut yourself off, your throat constricting too tight to get the words out.

“I was drunk,” he murmurs, unconvincing.

You stare at him for a moment, stunned.

“You know what I think you were?” His gaze finds yours, and you spit the word at him. “Honest.” There’s a flicker of recognition in his face, and it spurs you on. “I think you told the truth for once in your life, without this weird ‘I don’t care about anything’ veneer, and it fucking terrified you.”

Yoongi shakes his head. His voice is soft when he speaks again, and a little uneven. “Don’t do that.”

“Do what?” you snap.

“Don’t act like you know me.”

You scoff, too angry to stop yourself, unable to bite back the urge to press him until he says something real. “You think I don’t? Really? I guess you just tell everyone you fuck about the time you almost jumped off a bridge?”

He flinches as he glances up at you again, and your heart drops like a lead weight at the look on his face. You immediately clap a hand to your mouth, as if in a too-late attempt to shove the words back in.

“Fuck, Yoongi,” you breathe. “I-I didn’t mean that, I’m just—”

All at once, he’s on his feet, moving towards you until you have no choice but to start walking backwards, in the direction of his office door.

“Here’s what I know.” Yoongi’s voice is firm and oddly calm as he speaks over your fumbled apologies. “I’m an asshole. I’m a workaholic. I’m way too hard on myself. I push people too far, and then I shut them all out. I’m never satisfied. I get bored easily.” He pauses for a moment. “And yes, sometimes I get so fucking sick of myself that I want to jump off a bridge. To put it bluntly, I am not somebody you want to be with. At all.”

Your breath hitches as your back finds purchase against the door, and Yoongi stops, still several paces apart from you. His dark eyes feel like they’re burning into you, glassy with emotion in a way you’ve only seen once before.

“We hooked up a few times,” he says, as if there’s no room for debate. “That’s all. It didn’t mean anything. And it’s over now.”

As his words crash into you, it occurs to you what this feeling is, itching like fire under your skin and squeezing tight at the muscles of your throat: you’re embarrassed.

It’s fucking embarrassing, standing here in an office you’ve been in dozens of times before, trying to beg a man you’re supposed to hate into a single honest conversation, into loving you when he already fucking said he did. Yoongi said he’s in love with you, and now he’s just… standing here, blinking at you like you’re somehow the unreasonable one for thinking that it meant anything at all.

“I guess you’re right,” you barely manage to choke out as your hand brushes over the door handle behind you. Your skin is flushed so hot that it feels cool against your palm. “You are a fucking asshole.”

You don’t wait around to see the look on his face at your remark. You just push the handle down and stumble out into the hallway.

When the Genius Lab door closes behind you, you slam back against it with enough force to knock the air out of your lungs. You press your palms to the wood grain and squeeze your eyes shut, trying to calm down, but that choked up feeling refuses to dissipate. The world feels like it’s closing in around you, white noise roaring so loudly in your ears you can scarcely think.

It takes you several seconds to realize that someone is speaking to you, and your eyes snap open again to find Jungkook standing in the hallway, his brow furrowed like he’s concerned. It’s hard to focus on him, like you can’t quite open your eyes wide enough. Black spots have started to dance in your vision, and you blink a few times, hoping to clear them out.

“Whoa, are you okay?”

You attempt to take in enough air to answer him, but all you can manage are shallow gasps: it’s like everything is stuck. You’re not even crying, you just can’t fucking breathe. The only response to his question that you can give is a slow shake of your head, and then your knees buckle.

Your brain must lose the ability to keep up with the pace of everything that’s happening, because suddenly you register that your palms are pressed flat to the office carpet. Jungkook is kneeling beside you, one hand smoothing circles against the back of your dress. You’re still heaving, trying to breathe, but your chest is squeezed so tight that it’s like it won’t take. You can feel your heartbeat behind your ribs, slamming so fast that it makes your whole body shake, and there’s a buzzing sensation in your fingertips, like TV static.

“Hey, hey.” You shut your eyes again and try to focus on Jungkook’s voice. “I think you’re having a panic attack.”

“I—” you gasp, but the words are stuck, too. I can’t breathe. I don’t know what’s happening. I think I’m dying.

“It’s okay,” he answers quickly, and you nod, as if it might force your mind to believe his words. “You’re okay. Just— I’m gonna breathe with you, okay?” You immediately shake your head, and Jungkook shifts a little closer. “I know it feels like you can’t right now. But look. We’re gonna go slow. In for four.”

I can’t fucking do this, you want to scream, but you dig your numb fingers into the carpet and try to follow his lead. You can hear him take a deep inhale through his nose, and you do your best to match it. One, two, three, four.

Jungkook’s voice comes back, stilted this time. “Hold it for seven.”

You nod, trying to focus on the feeling of the floor beneath you, his hand against your back. Your chest is spasming with a desperate need to keep hyperventilating, but you force the little air you’ve taken in to stay in your lungs, and you count. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven.

“And out for eight.” You can hear Jungkook push a stream of air out of his mouth, and you echo it, though your own airflow feels pathetic in comparison. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight.

“Can we do that again?” he asks gently, and after a moment, you nod.

You go through the process again and again, and each time it gets a little easier, until you’re finally able to pull yourself up to sit back on your heels. Your head is spinning, your heart still hammering in your chest, but you try to focus on Jungkook, seated cross-legged next to you like he has all the time in the world.

“I think—” you start, and you have to take another breath in before you can get the rest of the words out. A dull ache is beginning to bloom in your temples. Your throat feels like sandpaper. But at least you can breathe. “I think I’m okay now.”

“There’s no rush. Just give it a second,” he says with a nod, and you do, flexing your hands in your lap to try and bring some feeling back.

“Where did you learn to do that?” you ask softly, and the corner of his mouth pulls up into a half-smile.

“My therapist taught me. I used to have really bad panic attacks. Still do, sometimes.”

You blink at him, trying to process the information. It never occurred to you that Baby Star Candy would be the kind of person to have a therapist, or any kind of mental health issues at all. Not when he seems so… well-adjusted.

“Do you need anything?” he offers. “Water?”

You shake your head, not quite ready to be left alone. “I just need this day to be over so I don’t have to fucking be here anymore,” you sigh.

Jungkook makes a face, as if in thought, then shrugs. “How about I drive you home?”

Your eyes widen in surprise. “I— I’m the keyholder, JK. It’s literally my first day back, I can’t just leave.”

“Where’s the key?” he asks, pulling himself up to standing in one smooth motion. Your legs feel shaky beneath you, and you gladly accept the hand he extends for support as you slowly right yourself next to him.

“It’s, uh—” you have to think for a second before it comes back to you, your brain still a little scrambled. You’d taken it back from your cover earlier this morning, and now it’s… “In my purse. On my desk.”

With that, Jungkook heads down the hallway towards your desk, and you follow after, slightly unsteady in your high heels. He stands to the side when he gets there first, like he doesn’t want to just dig through your things, and you reach for your purse to fish the key out of the bottom.

“Can I borrow that?” Jungkook asks, extending his palm. You pause for a second, then nervously drop the key into his hand.

Before you can even ask any follow-up questions, he’s disappearing back down the hallway. Your gaze lingers over your desk as you let another cautious breath out, and it feels like you’re moving in slow motion when you grab your laptop and slide it into your purse.

It seems like less than a minute before Jungkook returns again, rapping his knuckles against your desk. “You’re off the hook for tonight.”

“Really?” you ask, incredulous. “What did you do?”

He just shrugs. “Talked to your boss. Told him you weren’t feeling well and wanted to leave early. He said he’d lock up. It’s not a big deal to ask for help sometimes, you know.”

You blink, attempting to keep up, your reaction time slowed enough that it’s like you’re on a five second delay. “Thanks, Jungkook. I guess your therapist taught you that too, huh?”

Jungkook nods without a trace of shame. “Sure did. Now let’s get out of here.”

Nothing about the world around you feels real as you follow Jungkook into the elevator and down to the parking garage. It’s like floating through some strange dream, everything fuzzy and far away. You slip wordlessly into his passenger seat, and it’s only as he pulls out onto the city streets that a creeping sense of dread starts to dot up your spine.

This scene is too familiar, and that thought alone makes your mouth go dry. When you try to swallow, you can feel your throat threatening to constrict again.

“Jungkook,” you manage to choke out, and his eyes flit from the road to your face and back again.

“Everything okay?”

The silence in the car is suddenly deafening. “Can we, uh— put on some music? Just, anything?”

Jungkook looks a little cautious, like he doesn’t want to do too much too fast. “Are you sure?”

You nod, your eyes fluttering closed as you try to remember his stupid breathing pattern. “Please. I… need a distraction.”

“Okay. Sure,” he answers quickly, and you let out a ragged sigh of relief when he leans over to press a button and the car fills with upbeat pop. It takes you a second to place it, and then you blink your eyes open again as a laugh of surprise rips through you.

“Hype Boy, really?”

“What? This is a great song!” Jungkook’s already tapping his thumbs on the steering wheel in time to the beat. “I just learned the dance, too.”

You tip your head back against the seat with another soft giggle. “Sounds like somebody’s about to go viral on TikTok again.”

The two of you settle into silence, and you let yourself be distracted by the music, your brain still cotton-fuzz numb. You’re grateful that Jungkook doesn’t force conversation or babble on the way he normally does, instead choosing to hum along in a way that’s oddly comforting. You count your breaths and watch the city pass by in a blur, until all at once the car is coming to a stop at your apartment complex. The building seems to loom over you as you blink up through the windshield, one hand fumbling for the car door.

Up those stairs is the safety of your apartment. But now that you’re here, it doesn’t feel so reassuring. It’s not like there’s anyone waiting for you on the other side of your front door. No best friend to come over. It occurs to you now that you’re not ready to be alone just yet, but that’s exactly what you’ll be the minute you step out of Jungkook’s car.

The words leave your mouth before you have time to reconsider. “JK, do you want to come up for a bit?”

“Oh.” Jungkook is wide-eyed and blinking when you glance at him, like he wasn’t expecting the invitation. “Uh, yeah. Okay. For a bit.”

It’s a little funny, stepping inside your front door with Jungkook following after, the two of you slipping your shoes off in the hallway, then padding further in. You never pictured this happening, not even when he came to pick you up for Jimin’s concert.

Jungkook cautiously perches on the edge of the couch, like he’s not quite sure what to do with himself, while you continue into the kitchen, calling back over your shoulder. “Do you want something to drink? Water, tea?”

There’s a shuffling sound, like Jungkook is peeling out of his jacket. “Just, uh. Whatever you’re having, I guess.”

“Wine, then,” you answer.

You make short work of cracking open a bottle of red, then grab two glasses before returning to the living room and dropping down on the cushion next to Jungkook. His jacket is slung over the arm of the couch now, leaving him in his usual business casual uniform, a button-down and slacks.

“What a fucking day,” you sigh as you pour Jungkook a glass of wine, then one for yourself. “Thank you again, for… you know. Reminding me how to breathe.”

Jungkook still seems a little nervous as he reaches for his drink. “Yeah, of course.” There’s a moment of silence as you both take a sip, and then he speaks first. “Can I ask—“ he interrupts himself, as if making a correction. “I mean, I don’t want to pry. I know it’s not my business. At all.”

“You want to know why I had a panic attack in the middle of the office?” you offer, and he nods.

“Outside of Yoongi’s lab,” Jungkook finishes quietly, and your heart briefly stalls out at the mere mention of his name.

“It’s a good question,” you murmur as you stare at the liquid swirling in your glass. Jimin’s words suddenly come back to you in a whole new light. Start with the truth.

You glance up at Jungkook again. “Yoongi and I were…” You trail off, unsure what to even call it. Involved? Hooking up? Enemies with benefits? Nothing feels right. “We were something.”

“But not anymore?” Jungkook’s response is immediate. You shake your head.

“No, I guess not.” There’s a dull ache in your chest, like pressing on a fresh bruise, and you try to breathe through it, your gaze flitting down to the hem of your dress. “When we were in LA, he said he loved me. And now he says it didn’t mean anything. That it’s over.”

“Wow,” Jungkook huffs, sounding dazed and a little pissed off. “I’m sorry.”

“Yeah,” you sigh as you sink back against the couch cushion. “Me too.”

It all feels more real, now that you’ve said it out loud. Hurts just as fucking bad. Maybe worse. “And I’m sorry I lied to you. I should’ve just told you, but. I don’t know. I think I wanted to believe I had it all under control.” A sad laugh flutters out of your lungs. “Clearly, I do not.”

“It’s okay,” Jungkook says, and he pauses for a moment, placing his wine glass on the coffee table before he continues. “Were you— I mean, was it… the whole time?”

You pull your bottom lip between your teeth as you shrug. “Not the whole time, but. Most of it, I guess. It was like a weird slow burn thing.”

“Got it.”

When you glance over at Jungkook, there’s a distant look in his eyes, like he’s still processing everything. You suppose it’s probably a lot to hear all at once. It feels good to be honest with him after so much time spent keeping secrets. A heat starts to bloom in your face as you take another sip of wine, then set the glass down.

There must still be a lingering post-panic disconnect between your brain and your body, because all of a sudden you’re moving on sheer instinct, without giving it any thought at all. You drop back against the couch cushion again, then tilt yourself to the side until your head is pressed gently into Jungkook’s shoulder.

You wonder if you’re imagining the way he tenses slightly at the contact. You glance up at him through your lashes, but he’s not looking at you, and the expression on his face is hard to judge. There’s a faint scar on his cheek that you’ve never noticed before.

It could be so easy, you realize now. All he’d have to do is turn a little and close the distance. He could cup your jaw in his hand, tilt your chin up towards him, brush his lips against yours. Soft and sweet.

And maybe it wouldn’t be so bad. At least you wouldn’t be alone.

“It should have been you, Baby Goth,” you hear yourself say.

Silence weighs heavy in the air between you, and then Jungkook speaks.

“That’s not fair.”

It’s like the words snap you out of a trance. You jump back like you’ve just been burned, purposefully sliding over to put as much distance as you can between your bodies on the couch.

“I’m sorry,” you say reflexively, but Jungkook is still staring at the floor. His leg has begun to bounce, like a nervous tick.

“I don’t—” Jungkook starts, and then he pauses, taking a deep breath in before he begins the sentence again. “I don’t want… this. Not if… if it’s not real. Or just a rebound, or whatever.”

Shame rushes up in your chest, makes you hot all over. You can’t exactly say that he’s wrong, but the thought of a brief distraction from the pain was so promising. Now it’s only served to dig you in that much deeper.

“I’m sorry, Jungkook,” you repeat dumbly. You can feel your heartbeat hammering behind your ribs. “I shouldn’t have said that. I’m just… Fuck, I’m such a mess right now. I keep fucking everything up.”

His gaze finally drifts up to meet yours, and you’ve never seen him look more serious. “You know, Chan said something that stuck with me. When I told him about what happened. He said, ‘if she really wanted to be with you, she already would be.’”

The words hit you like a punch to the gut, and you recoil at the impact. You try to blink away the impending tears as you slowly nod. “Chan’s right,” you whisper, and Jungkook’s mouth pulls into a sad, flat grimace.

“Yeah,” he answers, his voice gone raw. “I thought so too.”

All at once, he’s on his feet and tugging his jacket back on, and you can only sit motionless and watch him. You press a finger to your waterline, trying to catch the tears before they start to spill down your face.

“I’m sorry you had a hard day,” Jungkook says, reaching up to adjust his collar. “And I really do want to be your friend. But I think I just need a little time.” He tucks his hands into the pockets of his jacket, turning over his shoulder to look at you, then quickly averting his gaze again. “We both do.”

“Yeah,” you sniff. “I want to be friends too. But, yeah. You’re right.”

Jungkook keeps his head down as he heads for the entryway. He slips his feet into his shoes, then swings the door open, pausing in the threshold for a final glance back towards you.

“Get some sleep,” he murmurs. You nod. And then the door clicks shut behind him.

~*~

Despite your best attempts and the rest of the bottle of wine, sleep doesn’t come. You stare up at the black of your bedroom ceiling, and it feels like staring at the rubble of every bridge you’ve burned. All from your own choices. The things you said that you shouldn’t have, the things you didn’t do that you should have. All your mess, and all your fault.

You keep your eyes open, because closing them is worse. Closing them is when it all comes back, a looping film strip in your head of everything that’s haunted you, played out in technicolor on the backs of your eyelids.

Extending a mug of coffee to Yoongi on your first day. Stealing food off Jimin’s plate at dinner. Splitting red bean buns with Jungkook.

And then it speeds up.

A locked office door, a stolen set of keys. A four digit code and a smirk. Your fingers gripping the edge of Yoongi’s desk. Dancing close with a dark-haired stranger in a packed club. Yoongi’s hands slipping up your thighs, closing over your throat. The flashing lights and noise of a concert. A full glass of whiskey. Standing outside of a bar in the cold night air. Rain on a windshield. A maple pastry and a paper coffee cup. Seoul lit up at night, cut through by the river. A hotel bed. Yoongi’s hands on the zipper of your dress. Yoongi’s hands on piano keys. Yoongi’s mouth on yours in a conference room, in his shower, in a K-town noraebang. His face pressed into your shoulder on the cab ride home.

And you see yourself, too. Running away. Saying the wrong thing. Fucking everything up, irreparably. Over and over, the movie replays.

Tears slip across the bridge of your nose as you turn onto your side, cheek pressed to the pillow, and wait for morning.

~*~

“There she is!”

Your boss’ greeting rings loud in your ears, and you wince as you duck your head through his office door. He gestures for you to have a seat in the chair across from his desk, and you comply. You can see him taking you in as you sit down, and when his smile falters slightly, you know why: there weren’t enough ice rollers in the world to completely de-puff your face after a sleepless night spent crying yourself dry.

“How are you feeling?” he asks, a little more gently.

You fold your hands in your lap and take a deep breath, willing the words not to get stuck in your throat. You can feel the tension in the room, your knife’s edge poised at the final cord to cut.

“I want you to know that I’ve really enjoyed my time working here,” you begin, doing your best to keep your voice even, squeezing your laced fingers tight to give your mind something to focus on. “But for personal reasons, I think I need to tender my resignation.”

Your boss sits back in his chair, clearly stunned. It takes him a second to recover. “I— wow. Can’t say I saw this coming.” He leans forward again. “It wasn’t something that happened here, was it? Because if we need to report an issue to HR, you should know I take that kind of thing very seriously. I’d hate to see you leave over something we could take care of.”

Another breath in, another squeeze of your hands in your lap. “No, it wasn’t,” you say firmly. “It’s just me. My own stuff. I think… I think maybe I need to leave Seoul for a bit.”

He pauses, considering your words, and you consider them, too. It isn’t a thought you were ever cognizant of having until this moment, but it doesn’t feel like a lie, either. It makes sense. You’ve snapped every tie that once might have kept you tethered to this city. There doesn’t feel like much point in staying, or like there’s anything still here for you.

“Well, good for you,” your boss finally says, his tone serious. “For knowing your own limits. Gotta be a human first, right?” You offer him a half-smile and a nod, and he leans forward to grab a pen off his desk, fiddling absentmindedly with it. “Thinking of going anywhere in particular?”

You shake your head, your smile turning self-conscious. “Hadn’t gotten that far.”

“If I’m overstepping, just tell me to shut up,” he starts, and you can’t help breathing out a laugh. “But you got some rave reviews from the Los Angeles team. Seriously, you blew them away. They asked if it was possible to clone you. Apparently they’ve been looking for an admin for a while, but can’t seem to find anyone who can walk the walk.”

Your eyes go wide as you begin to put the pieces together, and your boss just keeps going.

“I mean, it’s probably a bigger move than what you were looking for. Unless you’re really trying to get away. But you’re such a great asset, I’d love to keep you in the family, if we can.”

He looks at you pointedly, and you swallow around the sudden lump in your throat. “You… can do that?”

Your boss shrugs. “We’d have to get you a visa, but that’s easy enough with a specialty occupation lined up. And we can cover the fees for premium processing so it doesn’t take half a year. But only if it’s something you’re genuinely interested in. If you’re just trying to cut and run, I get it. No hard feelings.”

Your head goes spinning. Los Angeles. It’s about as far away from your mess of a life as you could possibly get. It feels too good to be true, and you drop your gaze to the floor as a tidal wave of guilt surges over you.

You hadn’t planned on this admission, but all at once, the words are coming out of your mouth.

“I lied,” you say, your voice soft, your eyes fixed firmly on the carpet. There’s no way you can look your boss in the face as the truth spills out of you. “On my job application. I don’t have any experience as an administrative assistant. I made it all up, and my reference was fake. I was actually a waitress before this.”

You finally manage a glance up. Your boss’ eyebrows are nearly at his hairline, but he’s quiet.

“It just… doesn’t seem fair to send me off to the Los Angeles team. Not when I don’t even know what I’m doing,” you conclude with an embarrassed grimace.

“You really feel like you don’t?”

His question makes you blink. You don’t know what you were expecting, but it certainly wasn’t that. You’re not sure how to respond.

He drops the pen in his hands to press his palms flat to the surface of his desk, as if he means business. “Look, obviously I can’t condone what you did. But I’ll be honest, if anything, that just makes me all the more impressed with your performance. I thought you adjusted quickly even for someone with past experience. To know you were flying blind…” He huffs a laugh of disbelief. “I mean, that’s a fucking crazy thing to do. But you did do it. I’ve seen you working your ass off to keep this office together. And that’s the thing: you have. You’ve met every deadline, kept up with every deliverable. You’ve taken everything we’ve thrown at you and handled it.”

You pull your bottom lip into your mouth, willing it to stop trembling. Fuck, you’d really thought you were done crying.

Your boss shakes his head as he continues. “Maybe if you’d just started, I’d feel differently about this. But I gotta be honest. When I look at your performance the past few months… I don’t give a fuck what your last job was. Because in this job, you’re killing it. And I know you’d do the same in Los Angeles, if you made the decision to go. They want you out there because they’ve already seen what you can do. They know it, and I know it. And I hope that some part of you knows it, too.”

A single tear rolls down your cheek, and you quickly reach up to swipe it away. “Thank you,” you choke out, your voice thick as you try to keep it together. “I seriously can’t tell you how much it means to hear that right now.”

He doesn’t respond right away, like he’s waiting for you to say more, and you take a shaky breath in as the decision solidifies in your head. “I really enjoyed my time with the Los Angeles team. And I would love to transfer there, if they’ll have me.”

Your boss’ mouth pulls into a smug smirk. “Please,” he says dryly. “As soon as they get wind of this, they’re going to beg me to ship you overnight.” You laugh as you dab at your eyes with the edge of your sleeve, and his face softens slightly. “I can’t do overnight. But do you think you can hang on for just a couple more weeks?”

You chase your nod with a gentle sniff. “Yeah. I think I can do that.”

~*~

Time passes quicker than you would’ve expected, split mostly between preparing for your transfer at work and trying to pack your life up into cardboard boxes at home. Apart from those two things, the days feel aimless, and a little unreal. It’s like you’re living in a liminal space, halfway between your old life and the promise of a new one. Your boss offers to hang onto the office key of his own accord, to give you more time to get your things in order, and you gratefully accept the help.

It’s a weird change, no longer having to worry about being the first one at the office and the last one out. No meeting Jungkook at the doors each morning. No fighting with Yoongi to get him to leave at the end of the day. You see relatively little of either of them, save for the occasional meeting or brush of shoulders in the hallway. You’d think losing both of them in one go might be unbearable if you didn’t already have your eyes on the horizon.

Your boss announces your upcoming transfer in the next team meeting, though Yoongi is naturally nowhere to be found. Jungkook’s eyes go as wide as you’ve ever seen them at the news, but he still slips out of the conference room immediately after the meeting wraps, rather than hanging back to talk to you.

You try not to take it personally; you can’t exactly blame him.

Life goes on. Your boss swings by your desk to excitedly share the news that your visa was approved, and you set a final transition date. You sort out the travel, the logistics of shipping your stuff, and lock down a place to sublet in Los Angeles to get you started. It’s admittedly shocking how easy it is to take your old life apart, piece by piece. To draft your escape plan, to run away from it all one final time. To make a clean break.

It’s nearly the end of your last workday in Seoul before you’re able to put a name to the feeling that’s begun to blossom in the pit of your stomach: it’s hope.

“Hey.” Your boss’ voice cuts through your concentration, and you glance up from your laptop to see him leaned up against your desk. “Can you walk to the break room with me for a second? Got a few last-minute questions for you.”

Your eyes go wide, your mind instantly racing, trying to think of what it is you might have forgotten.

“You’re not in trouble,” he says with a laugh, and you nod as you get to your feet, not quite able to believe it. “Just, uh, follow me and put on a happy face. Alright?”

You have no idea what he could possibly mean until you round the corner and a cheer rises up. The rest of your coworkers are standing around the break room in groups, like they’ve been waiting for you, though that doesn’t seem to have stopped them from already partaking in the assortment of food and drinks that’s been set up beside the vending machines. There’s a farewell banner pinned to the wall, signed with well-wishes from what looks to be everyone at the Seoul office, and someone’s turned on a playlist that you realize upon closer listen exclusively features songs about California.

There’s even a cake.

For a moment, you can’t do anything except stand there in the threshold, dumbfounded, as your coworkers clap and laugh.

“I— wow,” is all you can think to say, and you shoot your boss an incredulous look. “Thank you.”

He makes a face. “Hey, I didn’t do this. Thank JK.” Your boss nods across the room. “That kid loves any excuse to throw a party.”

Your heart immediately sinks at the mention, at all this kindness shown to you by the person you’ve arguably treated the worst.

It takes a while to get to him, with nearly every person wanting to stop you for a chat, but you finally manage to make your way over to where Jungkook is loading up a paper plate with so much food that it’s threatening to cave in.

“Make sure you get something to eat before it’s all gone,” he says by way of greeting, gesturing to the catering dishes with an elbow so he can keep both hands on his plate. “It’s really good.”

“Jungkook,” you say softly, and his gaze alights on you for a second before returning back to his food. You don’t think you’re imagining that he looks somewhat nervous. “I really can’t thank you enough. You didn’t have to do any of this.”

He shrugs, taking a few steps over to a nearby table, and you cautiously trail after him. “I didn’t,” he admits as he sets his plate down, then scoots a chair out. “But you deserve a good send-off. It takes a lot of guts to do what you’re doing.”

You shift nervously where you stand. “It’s either that or cowardice. I’ll let you know when I figure out which.”

A small smile tugs at his lips as he digs into his food, and you suddenly feel like you’ve overstayed your welcome. But then he glances up again, speaking through a mouthful. “Well, whatever it is. I hope it works out for you.”

“Thanks, JK.” You do your best to return his smile. “I hope so, too.”

By the time you grab your own plate, you’ve been swept into another group to answer an endless litany of questions about your move. You tell yourself it’s probably for the best to leave Jungkook alone anyway, so you try to stand there and smile, to assure your nosier coworkers that nothing happened; you just needed a change of scenery.

Eventually the conversation shifts, and you find yourself on the outskirts of it, more than a little relieved to no longer be in the hot seat. You sip politely at your drink and nod along, not really paying attention to whatever’s being said, until a tap on your shoulder makes you start, and you turn around.

You nearly drop your cup when you find Min Yoongi staring back at you.

Your eyes had scanned the crowd for his face when you got here, like they do in every room you walk into, but he wasn’t here. He wasn’t, you’re sure of it, and you honestly hadn’t expected him to show at all. Why would he?

But now here he is, standing in front of you, his dark eyes searching yours. And you have no idea what to say to him.

You might be face-to-face in a crowded break room, but he still feels unreachable, like he’s a thousand miles away from you. It occurs to you that after today he’ll be much, much further.

Your lips part, but you can’t get the words out. You don’t even know where to begin. But then he speaks first.

“I just want you to be happy,” he murmurs, and as he says it, his hand brushes yours for less than a second. It’s a touch so brief, so imperceptible, that anyone else would think it was an accident. But you know better.

Yoongi pauses, as if to take one final look at you, and then he slips between two groups of your chatting coworkers, and you lose sight of him again. As if he was never there at all. It’s like you can feel your heart drop to your feet and shatter against the linoleum floor.

It hurts just as much as it did before— watching him walk away, not having the guts to stop him. Even if you did, you know you’d find a way to fuck it up, the way you always do. So you say nothing. Do nothing. The party turns to white noise in your ears as you stare down at the liquid in your cheap plastic cup. And then it hits you all at once: you need to get out of here.

You’re able to slip out of the break room unnoticed, dropping your drink in a trashcan on the way out. You move down the hallway on unsteady legs, and you don’t stop until your hands are pressed flat to the bathroom door to push it open. Shouldering into a stall, you can barely fumble the lock closed behind you before the tears start to spill over.

You don’t try to hold them in. You just slump against the door and let it all pour out of you. You cry until your throat goes thick, until a muted thud blooms at the back of your skull, until you find yourself distantly wondering if you’ll ever stop crying. You’re so fucking sick of crying.

Occasional groups of coworkers drift into the bathroom, and you stifle your sounds each time to avoid detection, your cheek pressed to the stall door as you wait to hear them trickle out again. The interruptions get further and further apart until there’s a long stretch of silence, and your hands shake slightly as you slip the lock open to make your way out to the sink.

The face looking back at you in the mirror is not a pretty sight, all puffy and tear-stained, your makeup a disaster. You reach for a paper towel to try and clean yourself up, and then the bathroom door creaks open a few inches, just enough for Jungkook to stick his head through the gap.

You can’t help smiling a little at his unexpected presence, though it’s more of a grimace, considering you know full well how awful you look right now. “Hey, JK.”

He blinks, eyes widening as he takes in your current state. “I know I’m not supposed to be in here, but… are you okay?”

The laugh you manage is all self-pity. “Kind of a loaded question.”

Jungkook nudges the door open with his foot, and you realize his hands are preoccupied with two paper plates. “Everyone’s gone; I was just cleaning up,” he explains. “I brought cake.”

“Thanks,” you say softly, watching his reflection in the bathroom mirror as he steps inside.

After a moment of internal debate, you turn to press your back to the sink, flattening your palms against the counter and hopping up to sit on it. Jungkook sets the plates between you before following suit, his long legs dangling over the edge of the marble surface. He reaches into his shirt pocket to retrieve two plastic forks, performing the motion with just enough flourish to make you really laugh as he hands you one with a shy smile.

The two of you take your first bites in silence, save for your own sniffling.

“This cake is really good,” you murmur as you chew.

A longer pause settles between you, and you find yourself relieved for the quiet. You figure Jungkook doesn’t need to ask the obvious question, that he’s perfectly capable of putting the pieces together as to what might’ve led you to lock yourself in the bathroom and cry all your makeup off. And any words of comfort he could’ve once offered would only make you feel like even more of a monster right now.

Jungkook has already finished his slice of cake by the time he speaks again. “Did you… hate the party?”

“No, JK,” you respond immediately, the corner of your mouth pulling up in a sad half-smile. “It was wonderful.” Guilt gnaws at the edges of your conscience, and you can’t help but question what you ever did to be worthy of this friendship. Of Jungkook’s kindness, given freely, even when you didn’t deserve it. “Seriously, thank you. For everything.”

“You’re welcome,” he answers. You look down just in time to see him extend a leg so he can gently tap his foot against yours. His voice is quieter when it comes back. “I’m really gonna miss you.”

“I’m gonna miss you too,” you echo, glancing up at him as you return his foot tap with one of your own. “But you’ll be alright.”

Jungkook’s gaze drifts down to the floor, and he nods as you take another bite of cake, his jaw set firm. “Yeah. I will be.”

~*~

As you pack up the last of your things, there’s a lingering feeling in your gut that you can’t quite manage to shake, and you’re not sure why. Maybe Jimin got in your head with all the TV show drama talk. Or maybe it’s your stupid heart, foolishly holding out hope that things could still change, even at the eleventh hour. That it all can’t just… end like this.

But none of the scenarios you’ve dreamed up come true. Yoongi isn’t standing at your apartment door when you swing it open with your suitcase in hand. He doesn’t step out of the cab that pulls up to your complex to take you to the airport. He doesn’t run through the terminal to catch you right before you make it to security.

Yoongi doesn’t stop you. So you go.

chapter nine | masterlist

[raindrvq]

mischa headcanon time !!

except its all just me projecting random things onto him wooooo

ik i already said he was lactose intolerant but also wanna mention that (like most lactose intolerant ppl) he just does not care. can and will eat a shit ton of dairy and someone will be like 'hey isn't that gonna mess up your stomach?' n hes just like 'lol yea'

weird abt eye contact so sometimes he wont be looking at you during a conversation but sometimes hes just, intensely stare at you, for like no reason. if u ask abt it he'll just shrug but it can be very frightening when you dont notice and all of a sudden you turn and see him just like 😶

will also creepy stare at you if he wants to stop doing something without having to actually say that

for example he hates when people make mouth noises (like loud chewing) so he will just stare at you until you get creeped out n stop

he is trans (real not fake) !!!!!

gets dysphoric over like, small insignificant things but will try n correct it in order to fele more masc

like the way he stands (started putting his hands in his pockets and yes doing the dick grab), how he writes (purposefully writes fast so its more scribbly n messy), how he takes off his shirt (pulling it up from the back of his neck) and other random things that do not rly matter

also type of guy to try out multiple diy binding methods bc theres no way his adoptive parents r buying him one (they probably dont even know hes trans tbh) and he definitely wont ask so instead he resorts to other (probably unsafe) methods

hates when his hair gets even a little too long bc not only does it make him dysphoric but he also hates the feeling of hair in his face or down his neck n shoulders

if he goes too long without a haircut he will just end up putting it up but he learns how to rock the ponytail (without feeling dysphoric too 👍)

also he is ace,,,, bc im ace and i want him to be i have no explanation for this one idc if it doesn't make sense he's ace in my heart

constantly has his earbuds in, likes to be constantly be blasting music and has a hard time working without it (he needs the constant stimulation)

loves to chew on things as a form of stimming

straws ? bottle caps ? pens ? destroyed

loves to eat ice as well (this one is more encouraged bc he wont be accidentally consuming plastic this way)

if he cannot find anything to chew on sometimes he just ends up biting his lips n the inside of his cheeks and he has sharp teeth so his mouth is just kinda messed up

secretly rly likes legos

he will spend hours just building bc he will get fixated on it now he has to finish it

also he is a batman fan but he is NOT a comic dudebro joker stan ok

he loves collecting things he deems sentimental

like a ticket stub from when the choir went to see a movie together ? keeping it. a random pretty rock someone found and gave to him ? keeping it

keeps all of them in a little box in his room

ok this was longer than i intended so im stopping it here for now ! ill will probably post some about the whole choir i just had a lot of mischa ones bc projection 🫶

[blackbird-brewster]

Friday Fic Rec (Special Edition)

Fic rec ask game

(Taken from @illegalcerebral)

I saw a thing earlier lamenting the fact that people don't make lists of fic recs any more so for Motivation Monday I've decided to start a game so we can spread some love! So make a new post and compile a list of the following fics:

An ongoing multi chapter fic you are excited to get updates for right now

turn the world to gold by sunshineandguns

(Criminal Minds, JJ/Emily)

I am so in love with this one! Cannot wait to see how it ends. IT's just such good and agnsty Jemily

(If Loving You is Wrong) I Don't Want to be Right by ambiguousem

(Criminal Minds, JJ/Emily)

If I could unhinge my jaw and eat a fic like it was a meal to be consumed, this fic would UNDOUBTEDLY taste like all of my fave comfort foods individually and simultaneously. I literally don't know how to explain my love for this angstt fest.

A completed multichapter fic that you can binge read

Fooled Around (and Fell in Love) by w00t4ewan (me)

(Criminal Minds, JJ/Emily, JJ/Tara, Tara/Emily)

Yeah, I'm hyping my own work bc this is what I'm currently reading to my partner (I read out loud to them every night) and it's been such a joy for me to read it for the first time (since writing it). We constantly lament that there's not a TV series of this AU bc GOD THERE SHOULD BE ITS SUCH A ROM-COM

A oneshot you think everyone should read

Steps by Phoenix_Falls

(Criminal Minds, JJ/Emily)

DID YOU KNOW: This is the highest read Non-Smut Jemily fic!? IT IS!!! AND YOU SHOULD READ IT BC THE FLUFF IS UPSETTING

A fic you have re-read more than once

Dreams, Schemes and In-Between by Phoenix_Falls

(Criminal Minds, JJ/Emily, Derek/Penelope)

One of my FAVVVEEEESSSSS. I have read it so many times over the years bc it's so light-hearted and the entire fic is four idiots trying to get each other to fall in love. It's an entire fic about best friends being Meddlers

A fic you first read over a year ago that you want to spotlight

I Want to Believe by Trancer

(Criminal Minds/X-Files, Emily/JJ)

It's an X-Files Jemily AU. AND YOU WILL LOVE IT

A fic that introduced you to a new ship/character/fandom

With a Little Help From My Friends by phoenix_falls

(Criminal Minds, Emily & Luke )

THIS FRIENDSHIP!! Luke needs to be protecc at all costs and this really turned me on to the idea of Luke and Emily being bffs and gay idiots together. I love it!!!

A fic you'd recommend to someone new to your fandom

Depends on why they're here! I exclusively write/consume Criminal Minds femslash so here's my recs based on the assumption you just watched CM for the first time and said "THESE WOMEN ARE VERY QUEER!!!"

"Oh my GOD JJ and Emily are SO GAY TOGETHER?!?"

Start Here: [Take My Hand and Show Me the Way] by mjduncan

"UHHHHHH Tara Lewis just met Emily and THEY REALLY EYE FUCKED EACH OTHER RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY SALAD!!!"

Start Here: [Caution to the the Wind] by thelarkascending

"Do you ever think about the way JJ and Tara look at each other? Like that one overly specific moment when [JJ looks at Tara] (when Tara has her hand on JJ's shoulder) and JJ's eyes basically say OH FuCk I HAvE It SOOO BaDDD FOR TARA LEWIS!!!"

Start Here: [Here is Home] or [Between You & Me] by w00t4ewan

A fic you would recommend to the person who tagged you in this game.

I wasn't tagged and I don't even know if you (@illegalcerebral ) really read a lot of femslash BUT based on your likes in my notes and your icon, here's a lil something as a treat

Pray by w00t4ewan

Criminal Minds, JJ/Emily (Past JJ/Elle)

This is basically a JJ origin story coming off the back of Elle leaving the BAU and JJ trying to get over being in love and feeling betrayed that Elle left so abruptly

Optional: Wildcard choice of a fic

Unwinding by PepperSpicedLatte

This is just a REALLY well-written Je T'Emily threesome that always gets me FLUSTERED bc holy shit it's so so so good

Tag You're It (If you want to play!):

@gaelic-symphony || @cargopantsprentiss || @carasynthiart || @pagetvaleriebrewster || @doctor-whothefuckknows || @puddlejumper9

[huge-enthusiast]

MIRACULOUS FIC RECOMENDATIONS!! (Part 2)

You can find part 1 here.

The first one was really popular! So I decided to make a second part.

The rules are the same:

All of the fics will be rated Teen and up audiences or lower. Also if I don’t put the author’s tumblr is because they didn’t put it in the fic or/and I couldn’t find it.

The only thing that changes is that I would be putting the pairing in the description of the fic.

Without further ado...

Written in the Stars by Boogum (@botherkupo here on tumblr!)

Pairing: Marichat and Adrienette.

He was the god of destruction. She was a princess whose kingdom had been prophesied to fall. To save her people, she became his wife. To save him, she would have to do the impossible. The castle has secrets, the gods are watching, and time is running out.

Chapters: 37/37

TW for mild violence.

Arrange marriage, God AU. While I'm making this list, I still haven't finished the fic, but I had to recommend it because is THAT good. The way I gasped out loud while reading some of the plot twists. The worldbuilding is so good, and even if you aren't into AUs that deviate a lot from cannon like me, I 100% reccomend it.

Need a Lift? again by Boogum.

Pairing: DJWifi

Getting stranded on a foreign planet sucked. Luckily for Nino, his rival was willing to give him a lift home. Unluckily for Nino, she was beautiful and funny and he might just be in love with her.

Chapters: 1/1

Space Bounty Hunter AU! Really sweet and funny. If you are into flustered!Nino then this fic is for you.

hey, you by peachcitt (@peachcitt here on tumblr!)

Pairing: Adrienette

“Have you ever had a dream about someone that changes the way you think of them?”

or Adrien has a dream about Marinette.

Chapters: 1/1

Okay so, peachcitt is one of my favorite ml writers. Everything that they write is sooo good y'all, and i'm already a sucker for adrienette, so I cannot recommend this fic (or any of theirs) enough.

double dare again by peachcitt (I told ya!)

Pairing: Ladrien (with lots of sided ladynoir)

“Don’t ever do that again,” Marinette says, maybe a little too emphatically, and Adrien looks at her, his expression quiet. His cheeks, Marinette notices, are a little red.

“But I wanted to save you,” he says.

or Ladybug and Adrien can't seem to stop running into each other. (whether that is on accident or on purpose is nobody's business but their own, of course).

Chapters: 30/30

This was a ladrien june fic! Every chapter corresponds to the day's prompts but it also continues a story. If that doesn't make you want to read it then I don't know what it will. I fear fanfic writers, they're insane.

(not) so much by therentyoupay (@therentyoupayfanfiction here on tumblr!)

Pairing: Marichat and adrienette

(The claws are sharp, but the host of Destruction—for all of his loudmouth chaos and lack of reserve—is paradoxically careful.)

Chapters: 1/1

In which Chat Noir pays a visit not long after Marinette has made a pretty difficult decision, and they accidentally make a routine.

Prompt: Marinette gives Chat a hickey. Adrien has a suspiciously similar looking hickey the next day at school...

Gotta be honest with y'all, I did not expect this fic to be as good as it is. The adrienette has everything a stablished!Marichat should have. Marinette conflicted with her feelings? Check. Adrien being a hot mess bc That's My Girlfriend But She Doesn't Know That? Check. Them being absolute idiots? Check. It's good!

Doctor, Doctor, Give Me The News (Your Lips Is The Only Cure I Could Use) by BreG21.

Pairing: Adrienette

Rainwater sloshed up from the pools they had made on the sidewalk and coated his jean pants with every step he took. He couldn't bring himself to care.

He sniffed away some of the water that dribbled down his matted head. "Yeah?"

He paused as if to consider his words while Adrien stared down at him, so lost. "You weren't wrong when you thought you knew. A part of you wanted it to be her, but it was too perfect, you let the illusion fool you because how would you get that lucky. But trust me, Adrien. You weren't wrong."

He wasn't wrong? What was he not wrong about?

You weren't wrong. You want it to be her.

And it finally clicked as a small gasp wisped past his lips. He wasn't wrong.

In which, Plagg falls ill, and with Fu gone and Ladybug being the guardian now, has to go find her civilian self-even with the knowledge that she might not like that-is shocked to realize that even with having the kwami that was supposed to embodied the very being of bad luck, Adrien could conclude the very opposite of what he had thought for so long.

He was so very lucky.

Chapters: 1/1

I screamed so hard while reading this fic. It's just one of those who gets the characters right. Do you like a good reveal? Go read this now.

Operation Mega Sleepover by InTheWild (@smellerbeee here on tumblr!)

Pairing: Adrienette

When Alya and Nino drop out of their long awaited mega-sleepover at the last minute, it leaves Marinette and Adrien alone together for the night. An Adrinette one-shot with lots of fluff and sleepover shenanigans.

Chapters: 1/1

I just,,, I love adrienette fluff so much,,, I love them,,,

You, Me & A Little Bit Of The Future by joonapeach.

Pairing: this is a fortunate case of all lovesquare shenanigans™

Marinette expects some disaster on her first outing alone with Adrien.

She just doesn't expect that disaster to be her future self passing off a baby for her to take care of with Adrien.

(Alternatively... two idiots obliviously in love cooing over their daughter while acting like they have no idea whose kid this is.)

Chapters: 1/1

I think the description says anything that it needs to be said. It's really sweet and funny and I love how they just change their minds so quickly and get emo for literally nothing. Peak shakesperean dumbasery.

The entire Marry That Girl series by Miraculous_Max (Maximilian_Alexander).

Pairing: Adrienette

Let’s say Marinette has a special sketchbook. This sketchbook is filled with drawings of their future house, of Adrien as an adult in multiple occupational settings, of Marinette and Adrien’s wedding, and most importantly, their future children.

Let's say Adrien found this sketchbook.

Works: 8 (All are 1/1 chapters)

Just realized how this list exposes me as number 1 adrienette sucker... oh well. I love how Adrien doesn't feel weirded out by the intensity of Marinette's crush. He likes it! He's as weird and romantic as her! That's one of the reasons I love the lovesquare so much and it makes me happy to see that everyone is in the same boat with me.

Strenght by 11JJ11.

Pairing: Adrienette

Marinette knew she was much stronger than she looked thanks to being a hero. So when her class had an arm wrestling contest she knew that she could beat all of them with ease, but she wasn't expecting anyone else to come close.

Chapters: 1/1

Good ol' accidental reveal feat. the entire class shenanigans. I, once again, screamed for an adrienette fic. Who could've thought.

Super Fan by Taliax.

Pairing: Ladrien

It was a good thing Alya was holding the phone and not her, because it would have slipped from her fingers and shattered. How had she not noticed? She had been there, and somehow she’d missed her crush looking at her like she was an angel sent from heaven.

Forget the perfume ad. This picture was going to be her new desktop.

(In which Marinette realizes that she and Adrien might both be obsessive fans.)

Chapters: 1/1

Canon divergent from after Gorizilla. They're so dumb. That's my opinion on this fic.

How to Kiss Your Crush in Five Minutes or Less also by Taliax.

Pairing: Ladrien

He just needed to know if Ladybug needed Chat Noir. He didn't expect to learn just how much she wanted Adrien.

This would be the best five minutes of his life, if he didn't expect her to forget it.

Chapters: 1/1

CW for making out.

Set during Desperada. I promise there's a happy ending. Also Luka is there for some reason, felt really bad for him.

Laying Down the Rules: The Gabriel Agreste Clauses by LadyKae

Gen

Adrien leaves the manor on a dark and stormy night and seeks sanctuary at the only place he feels safe: The Home of the Dupain-Cheng Family. When Sabine learns why her dear boy is fleeing to her home in the middle of the night, she makes a personal visit to one Gabriel Agreste.

There's more rules in play, but not for Adrien and Marinette.

Chapters: 1/1

This is just Sabine going to beat the fuck out of Gabriel and it's really satifying ngl

4am. by hannieks

Pairing: post-reveal lovesquare

In which Adrien has the cat tendency to wake up their owners at stupid o'clock, and Marinette just wants to sleep. Cuteness ensues.

Chapters: 1/1

Really short but really sweet. If you like Adrien acting like a cat then you would like this.

Can I Date You(r Character)? by midnightstarlightwrites (@midnightstarlightwrites here on tumblr!)

Pairing: Adrienette

Adrien turned to her, something unreadable in his gaze. “Are you ok with this?” he asked.

And what a loaded question that was. Was she ok with it? Was she ok with the one guy she couldn’t seem to get over in real life kissing her in a game of Dungeons and Dragons? When she put it like that, it seemed a bit silly to get so worked up.

It was just a game...right?

She was ok with it, right?

“Sure,” she lied. “I’m ok with it.”

When Adrien's character falls in love with Marinette's, they decided to date in-game. What could go wrong?

Chapters: 7/?

THIS ONE IS SO CUTE. You want to scream??? Read this.

two idiots and a hamster by Boogum (again) and carpisuns (@carpisuns here on tumblr)

Pairing: Adrienette

How do you hide your superhero identity from your roommate? (spoiler alert: badly)

Chapters: 5/?

Once @anna-scribbles described this fic as "is literally the closest i’ve ever seen a fic come to matching the energy of canon", and I couldn't have described it better.

And that's all for now! Next time I will probably make an only DJWifi list since I've been treating them so dirty lol.

[sunnywalnut]

I'm sorry this shit is making me laugh so fucking hard.

But also I want to add to the original post that yes, this does include things that are "problematic" or "stereotypical" bc if there's one thing people will do it's stereotype. And some are more harmful than others. But minors and children don't fucking know that yet.

Be a nice person or BLOCK them so you don't turn out to be an ass. It's really that simple. You don't need to gut every single person you see online, even if what they're saying or doing is problematic. Cause in the end. You don't really know who "means" it versus who's just ill informed. You're not omniscient. You don't know everything. "BUT SUNNY THEY SAID-" I give give a shit what they said. You don't know why they said it. "BUT THEY-" shhhhh, shhhh my sweet summer child. Shut up. You don't know anything. You cannot physically peek into their brain and know all of their motives and reasonings, even if they share everything they have ever believed in online. Because in the end, people lie.

They lie to make themselves look better. They lie for attention. They lie to weasel out of accountability. And sometimes they lie without knowing they're lying.

There is no such thing as the absolute truth. We are not the High Council sorting through Members to meet in Valhalla. We are bored people on the Internet with morning better to do than waste time judging other people.

Cause yes. I judge people too.

But I'd rather judge them silently and find out I'm wrong later than judge them out loud and find out that dude was actually just a 13yo who finally got diagnosed with autism and doesn't know what that shit means yet.

Yeah. Seeing bad stereotypes is shitty as fuck. And definitely call them out. Because you and I both know that there's a whole metric FUCKTON of bullshit out there.

But being an asshole just ADDS to the bullshit. It doesn't get rid of it. Because while you're over here tearing them a new one, people are watching you and thinking "yeah... I do agree with them... But I don't think I want to. They seem really aggressive and I don't feel safe"

Even if all you are is intimidating, people will STILL find you to be a threat. And they'd rather stay silent on the matter than join the person who's telling a random 13yo to fuck off and die(because yes. This is a genuine comment I've seen some people share with others)

Nobody's perfect. But the best we can do about it is acknowledge that and move on. It's not up to us to eradicate every single perceived threat. It's up to us to block people when we don't agree with their content. Because that's the least harmful way of going about it.

Alright? Alright.

Thank you.

My experience on Twitter.Com:

Person: I hate this thing therefore everyone should hate it too

The comments: holy shit I hate this thing too. It's so awful! You can totally tell that this thing was made bc of stereotypes and to harm people on purpose

The thing: *is not inherently problematic, but has some elements that are kinda questionable and should be called into question*

Two Days Later

Person: whoops! Turns out the Creator of this thing is a minor and didn't know that it was problematic! I'm sooooo sorry you're getting hate for it and am in total support of you.

The Creator: Thank you so much for the support❤️ it's been super hard bc it was also based off of personal experience *Is very young and impressionable, will now internalize the idea that making mistakes is unforgivable forever, you can never learn from them ever, and also adults can and will come for your throat and unborn children just because they don't like something*

[eurydicees]

TAMAKI CONFESSES KYOYA SPIRALS!!!!! YOU KNEW IT WAS COMING!!!

heeellll yeahhhhhhhh!! this was originally gonna be a full fledged fic but i reread what i already had & i'm just gonna post the full thing as is bc i like pain. and bestie just know that you ASKED for this.

the cry in an empty wood (do you even hear me?)

summary: kyoya has never known how to handle honesty. this, tamaki handing over his heart with a sad smile, is the height of all honesty.

pairings: tamaki suoh/kyoya ootori

words: 1550

warnings: none, but this is ultimately abt unrequited love, so it's a bit angsty

Here is the root of the problem: Tamaki was never supposed to say it out loud. He was never supposed to confess, not for real. 

They both knew it already, even without him saying it. They both already knew that Tamaki is in love with him; it’s not something that Kyoya thought ever had to be said. It isn’t something that needs to be put into words, because they both know that Tamaki loves him and they both know that Kyoya does not love him back. 

Tamaki was never supposed to say it, and they were never supposed to have to acknowledge it, and they were never supposed to have to deal with it. Kyoya was never supposed to have to face this. They both knew that the feelings were there, going unspoken, and it was supposed to stay that way. Speaking it into existence would be to speak something broken into the world; speaking it out loud would be to break their friendship. 

But here Tamaki is, a few days after nearly leaving with Éclair for France, confessing. Here the two of them are, sitting on the floor of Tamaki’s bedroom, and Tamaki is saying it out loud. This monster that lies between them is unsheathing its claws and bearing its teeth and Kyoya is terrified. 

“You don’t have to say anything back,” Tamaki says, his voice gentle. It’s as if he’s the one letting Kyoya down rather than the other way around, because they both know that Kyoya is the one who cannot handle this. They both know that Kyoya, of the two of them, is the fragile one. “I don’t expect anything from you. It’ll pass.” 

“Tamaki.” 

Kyoya doesn’t know where he’s going with that sentence. He only knows that, despite his words, Tamaki is looking more heartbroken than Kyoya has ever seen him. He only knows that Tamaki is looking down at the origami swan he’s made out of his math homework like glaring at it is the only thing keeping him from crying; he only knows that the paper is crinkling where his fingers grip the swan. 

There are so many things that Kyoya doesn’t understand about Tamaki, and this is one of them. He has always admired Tamaki’s ability to love— it’s one of the things that makes him Tamaki. That vast capacity to love, the seemingly endless reservoir of emotion that Tamaki keeps in his chest. It’s beautiful. 

It’s one of the things that Kyoya loves most about him, but it is also the thing that Kyoya understands the least. Now that all of that love is being given to him, now that it has been handed over and now that Tamaki is waiting for a response, Kyoya doesn’t know what to do with it. He doesn’t know how to deal with it. 

Tamaki might have a vast ocean of love in his body, but Kyoya does not have the hands to hold all of it. Kyoya does not have a grip strong enough to keep it safe. 

So he lets it go. 

He allows it to slip from his fingers, allows it to fall to the ground between them, allows it to shatter on the rug that comforts Tamaki’s bedroom floor. He allows all of that love to break, because he has never been strong enough to understand it. 

“You know how I feel,” Kyoya says, keeping his voice level. “Don’t you?” 

“Yes,” Tamaki tells him. He doesn’t look away from the paper swan, but he does give it a small, sad smile. “I already know, Kyoya.” 

Kyoya swallows something thick and grieving in his throat. Here, watching Tamaki try not to cry, he is losing him in every way that matters. Tamaki nodes decisively, and then gives the swan to Kyoya. Kyoya takes it, and while their fingers do not brush when Tamaki passes it on, Kyoya’s hands tremble anyway. 

“I don’t expect anything from you,” Tamaki repeats. “I just wanted you to know.” 

“What for?” is all that Kyoya can ask. 

He’s not sure that he wants to know, but he needs to ask. He needs to find out if there is a reason that Tamaki is breaking the air between them like this. He needs to know if it was worth it. 

Tamaki just shrugs, keeping his eyes on the swan in Kyoya’s hands. Kyoya follows his gaze down to the wings of the swan, catching sight of the hastily scratched out equations on the paper. “It was getting strange. For everyone to know, but for you to be in the dark.” 

But Kyoya did know, is the thing. Tamaki isn’t a subtle person, isn’t someone who knows how to keep his feelings hidden, and Kyoya knows him better than anyone. Kyoya knows how to read every facial expression, every twitch of his lips. Kyoya knew that Tamaki was in love with him, and he did nothing. He didn’t want to know, didn’t want to deal with it. 

When, Kyoya wonders, did Tamaki get so brave? When did Tamaki decide to tell him? When did Tamaki get strong enough to do it? When did Kyoya become so much of a coward? 

Or, maybe these are not new things. Maybe these are things that have always been true: Tamaki has always been stronger than Kyoya. Tamaki has always been brave enough to wear his heart on his sleeve, unafraid of the way it could be ripped to shreds by the talons of the world, by the claws and teeth of the monster that lives between them, the one that is beginning to wake up. No matter how many deaths he wakes from, Tamaki keeps putting his heart into the monster’s hands— into Kyoya’s hands. 

Tamaki has always been brave enough to say that he loves him, he was just holding back for Kyoya’s sake. He knew that Kyoya wasn’t ready to hear it. 

“Everyone knows?” Kyoya asks quietly. 

Tamaki nods stiffly, then looks back down at the tabletop of the kotatsu. They’re sitting on the same side, their thighs pressed against each other, and Kyoya is suddenly all too aware of the places that they touch. The swan seems to burn his fingertips because this is paper that Tamaki had touched, this is something that Tamaki has given him, and Kyoya has never known what to do with the gift of Tamaki’s heart. 

“It’s not like I told them,” Tamaki says, tapping his fingers against the wood of the tabletop. “People just kind of… figured it out. And I wanted to be the one who told you, not Hikaru or Kaoru or whoever. I wanted it to come from me.”

“Okay,” Kyoya says, not sure what else there is to say. He has never been good with words in the way Tamaki is; he has never been able to weave a heart into a sentence, not like Tamaki can. His own heart is a painting, one with dripping colors and smudged lines and tiny details that no one— least of all him— can see. “Thank you for telling me.” 

Tamaki nods again. He takes a deep breath, and Kyoya wonders how much it had taken out of him to confess. He wonders if Tamaki will ever recover from this. 

No— he will. He will recover from this, because Tamaki has always been able to push forwards. He is not someone who looks back, he is not someone who regrets. 

So Tamaki will not regret this, either. He will say it, and he will move on. Tamaki will have gotten it out of his system and then he will be able to let go of it. He will be able to find a new love, with someone who deserves him, and he will forget his feelings for Kyoya. 

Kyoya, on the other hand, is the kind of person who gets stuck in things, who finds himself swimming in stagnant waters, no matter how hard he kicks and screams. Tamaki is the ever changing and ever pushing ocean; Kyoya is a fly caught in amber. Tamaki will be able to move on, but Kyoya will be thinking about this moment for the rest of his life. 

It will ruin the two of them, Kyoya knows. 

Kyoya does not understand why Tamaki loves him, or how he can be brave enough to do so. All he knows is that he does not feel the same way, and it is this that will strangle the two of them. There is something fragile about this friendship, now, it is making it impossible to breathe. 

He hates the way that the sunlight through the window is hitting Tamaki’s face, lighting up the wetness just below his eyes. He hates the way Tamaki’s shadow shifts over the table, over Kyoya’s forgotten math homework and the paper swan. He hates the way that Tamaki very deliberately isn’t looking at him, and he hates that he himself is turning away, too. 

Kyoya swallows down one last gulp of air and hopes that it’s enough. “I’m sorry.” 

Tamaki shrugs. “It’s not a big deal, Kyoya. I’ll live.” 

“Okay,” Kyoya murmurs, and tries not to think about the giant, red-lettered “DO NOT RESUSCITATE” sign hanging over their friendship. “Okay.” 

He fails, and the sign swings in the wind of his exhale. 

[aylinaliens]

Hi Kay! What are the EAW WIPs you currently have!! Hahahaha gosh, the brainrot is so bad for me too, that I currently keep having ideas pop into my head at random times LOL

hi 💙💙 okay so i have an unhealthy amount of EAW WIPs i seriously have a problem help. all of these will most likely be one shots (or very short multichap fics). in no particular order here they are:

kwon minwoo and the horrible, terrible, very bad, no good day: i think we all need a fic where minwoo gets 👊 a few times. i can’t believe he didn’t react more to finding out junho is dating youngwoo he’s literally so obsessed so i’m writing a little fix-it fic where he gets the karma that’s coming for him.

loving you is like the ocean (it goes for miles in all directions): youngwoo is sad that she can’t go on her yearly whale watching trip because she’s pregnant so junho + the rest of her protection squad decide to bring the ocean to her instead (aka they quite literally turn the nursery into an underwater oasis). quite literally just pure married whale couple fluff with a heavy dash of the found family trope

i had the time of my life (fighting dragons with you): geurami + youngwoo centric fic because their friendships gives me so much joy. the simplest summary would be ‘the three times guerami smacked a bitch for youngwoo & the one time youngwoo smacked a bitch for geurami’

untitled: junho meets youngwoo’s dad. yes it’s awkward and hilarious and oddly wholesome bc i’m saying no to toxicity

touch me like you do: youngwoo and junho show each other *exactly* how they like to be touched 😳

everything will be alright (if you keep me next to you): suyeon + youngwoo centric fic set during law school. i know we probably won’t get a flashback of it so i wanted to explore their dynamic in the early days

untitled: i’m combining two different prompts from the same person (youngwoo jealous & junho getting in to an accident) because. cannot do pure angst for these two nope no thank you

why break up?: our whale couple is going to say peace out to that kdrama curse on their jeju island trip and actually communicate 🥰 miss geurami said ‘besties just use your words it’s that simply’

untitled: post ‘conflict’ fic where our lovable dorks express how they feel and maybe kiss a little 🥺 (this one will hopefully go up sometime today)

untitled: youngwoo catches guerami watching a very spicy drama and makes the execute decision to try it out for herself

untitled: no thoughts head empty just a bunch of short little drabbles of all the different kisses youngwoo and junho share

hold me close: aka junho has a bad day so youngwoo offers to be his personal hug chair

we’re dancing around the kitchen in the refrigerator light: youngwoo + junho decide to skip out on the traditional first dance during their reception (too loud and busy !!!) so instead they waltz together in the middle of the night…yes in the refrigerator light <3

untitled: youngwoo + junho beach wedding!! except it’s really just a small gathering & very non stressful & relaxed. + their proposal too because 🥺 they <3

untitled: youngwoo + junho honeymoon shenanigans listen i have multiple fics planned in the ‘whale couple wedding cinematic universe’

untitled: junho finds out youngwoo fell down the stairs…worried junho has me weak (@akuyuukai i told you i was going to do this 👀)

untitled: youngwoo quits hanbada and works to work with ryu jae-sook. not at all angsty because she makes the decision on her own. i just need more women supporting women and youngwoo flourishing professionally

listen i was not kidding when i said the eaw brain rot was real. this drama has me by the throat ajdjsjd and these are technically not even *all* of my WIPs. these are just the ones that i’m actively writing right now. yeah perhaps i do have a problem 😬

[tavina-writes]

In celebration of finishing chapter three of "but I'm not in charge of sorrow" aka NHS post canon mental breakdown fic, I thought it would be nice to include an excerpt?

Fic excerpt below the cut bc I have no self control and love showing people things:

Lan Sizhui comes in from where he had been talking to Xilan — who, in a moment of unguarded warmth for this white dressed stranger, had laughed out loud, clapping her hands for something or other — and pauses by the door of his study for a long moment. “Nie-qianbei, can I ask for a moment of your time?”  

“Can I stop you?” It is not quite meant to be curt, but it’s not meant to be polite either. 

Lan Sizhui does not know quite how to deal with it. “Oh, well,” and here Sizhui pauses, staring at his clasped hands rather awkwardly, “Ning-shushu said that…if I wanted to find anyone else who knew the Wen as they were before…” 

“He told you to come talk to me about the Wen.” He can’t help it, it sounds a little flat. 

Must Wen Ning bring a child here to unearth graves over thirty years buried? And for what? For things  that Wen Ning — who says he remembers everything — cannot tell this child himself? 

(If he must admit it to himself, he is a little bitter about that.) 

“He said we were distant relations.” Lan Sizhui’s clasped hands are clasped so hard they might bruise. 

Nie Huaisang remembers his mother’s hands looking like that often. 

White mutton jade bangle on a thin white wrist. 

“Everyone who is someone in the cultivation world is a distant relation, Lan Sizhui.” It had not been so, long ago. But nowadays, you need to be born to power to hold it, or at least born to a bloodline for you to climb where talent couldn’t take you. 

Everyone is a distant relation to everyone else. Yes, even those who would claim they have no Wen blood even as they converged on Nightless City. 

“But yes,” he admits at last, “I suppose we were closer relations than most. What did you want to know?” 

Lan Sizhui pauses there, a long moment. “I have, read things, of course.” He frowns, worrying his bottom lip. “And they were evil. But they were people, weren’t they?” 

“Even evil people are people, yes.” He sighs, and sets aside his pretense at reading poetry. “Even Wen Ruohan was…a man once, before he went mad.” 

Lan Sizhui stands there like a stick, his hands clasped. “Nie-qianbei,” he says, and it looks like he might cry. “Can you tell me about them?” 

“Sit down.” Wen Ning had brought this boy here to dig up graves thirty years buried. “Unclasp your hands and wipe your eyes, Sizhui.” 

But that is not Lan Sizhui’s fault. 

He digs up the graves, and the raw earth of memory spills out between them, words he has not spoken and people he has not considered for years, rising, like fog after an early autumn rain.